#i can just think of Sybills bedroom in

[feedthepigeons]

I will never get over the way Sir Terry characterizes people by describing their rooms! Like he did with Sybil Ramkin's bedroom or Miss Flitworth's living room. Makes me think about how the way your decorations (or lack thereof) tell a lot about you

[loveandleases]

-Happy Birthday M -

Looking through the terminal, over the vast amount of people busily walking about, you try to spot M's parents.

You've only seen them twice before, so surely you remember what they look like. At least, you hope so. Scanning for several more minutes you hear two voices yell your name simultaneously.

Turning toward your left you see both of M's moms, each smiling as they speed up to bring you in for a hug. Sybil's shoulder-length blonde hair brushes against your cheeks. You forgot how tall she was when you saw her over the holidays. M's birthmother Marianne, rubs your back gently and hugs you from the side. Her dark hair was pulled into a loose bun, her skin a similar shade to M's, and the same honey-toned eyes. When she smiles you can't help but notice the deep wrinkles that form beside them, holding years of laughter and worry for her only child within them.

"Sorry, I'm a bit late. I was making sure to have your rooms ready for tomorrow." You reach for their bags, with Sybil shaking her head and heading on out. Marianne smiles and hands you her carry-on.

The drive to the hotel is quick, each going over how the flight was. Catching up on months of not seeing one another.

"They've been up all night, finishing a final draft for the editor. I don't even think they knew I left."

You hear Sybil laugh as soon as Marianne starts to sigh heavily. "You would think they would at least take some time off before their birthday." Sybil pats Marianne on the back, assuring her that M will be fine.

You smile at yourself, knowing that M has no idea you've been out and about. Picking up their parents to surprise them over their birthday lunch. They also have no idea that sitting at the very bottom of their bed, under the blanket they keep on a bench sits the one collectible they have been pining for since you two had become friends, and eventually more than that.

Walking back into your shared apartment you see M rubbing their eyes, swearing loudly, that is until they hear you walk over. M has tried to keep that swearing to a minimum. Yet sometimes that sailor's tongue gets the better of them, and honestly you as well.

"Where did you go?" M rubs their glasses along their oversized sweater. One with a large anime figure on the back, the first gift you gave them once you two had finally made things official. A sweater so worn the sleeves were starting to fray ever so slightly. The hem stretched from M's worrying grasp.

"Oh, just out. Looking at some of the holiday lights everyone has up. Just getting some ideas ya know?" You smile at them, in such a way they don't feel the need to question further. M knows you enjoy looking at the streets all lined up, especially after they've been freshly covered in snow.

"This is it. This is the last draft and then…"

You hear the gulp from where you're standing, M is always so nervous before finishing something. Their books, an interview, a list of things to remember to do. Yet this time, you were there to talk them down from their nerves.

"It's going to be amazing. You're amazing, so how could it not be? Don't worry. I'll be with you through it all." You sit on your knees in front of them, holding their hands. Hands that have caressed you in more ways than one, hands that have held you when you thought it impossible to get over your heartache. When you thought it impossible to move on. To someone who truly cares about you.

You notice the watery look in their eyes. M has always had a soft spot for you. Ever since the day you met. You reach to catch the tear but are stopped by M kissing along your jaw. A soft kiss, one of reassurance, and one of hunger. A hunger you knew well, a hunger that would just have to wait until M's parents went back home.

"Alright, time for bed. The story can wait, you have an early morning. It's going to be your birthday after all." Pulling M's hand and walking them to the bedroom they didn't bother to fight knowing very well that you would win this fight.

The following morning, you took M to a ramen shop. Their favorite stop when they were sad. Also, their favorite shop once they saw you eating there on break from work. In between their second order of Ramen, you notice their mothers walking toward the table.

It only took five minutes to get M unchoked from the noodle that lodged itself in their windpipe when Sybil peeked around their shoulder. Only fifteen minutes for M to stop crying shocked their mothers would make it knowing how busy they are. Even more so when they found out you had planned it all without them even noticing.

After hours of hanging out with Sybil and Marianne, and M promising profusely that he will work less in the future you two made your way back home.

M flops down on the armchair, happily eating the leftover cake that their mother sent home.

"Hey hun, do you want any befor.."

"No, go ahead and eat it! It's your birthday anyways!"

You walk back into the room, smiling at M as they lick the fork clean. The leftover chocolate ganache now a memory. "M?"

They turn to you brow quirked. Eyes widen as they notice the outfit you're wearing. "What the fuck….what are you…who….when did…"

You smile twirling in your costume. Not daring to let M miss a single piece of the cosplay you're wearing. "Do you like it?" You tilt your head slightly, noticing the blush peppering their cheeks. They nod furiously, blinking owlishly at you.

"Is…that…is…hmm. Did you get that for me?" They stand walking over to you, softly laying a hand on your side, letting the fabric bunch ever so slightly between their fingers.

You nod your response, looking up into those warm honey eyes. "That's not all." You slowly pull the gift out from behind your back. A one of a kind collector edition figure. One that M had talked themselves out of buying six different times that you know of.

"Wait! NO…no no no no.. You didn't, you couldn't have!" M doesn't know what to grab, you or the gift. Their eyes glanced back and forth.

You can't stop the giggle that comes out of your mouth, they look like a kid in a candy store. Though a happy one. "Happy birthday, M. I hope it's everything you wanted."

You can't help but gasp, as M begins to cry, shaking their head back and forth. "Oh no, did you no.." Your words are stopped, by the gentle kiss along your lips. Somewhat salty kiss at that.

"You're more than I could ever hope for. It's not the gift, not the outfit which I love by the way. It's you. Just you."

Happy birthday M.

[kiss-my-freckle]

I used to read this recapper's pro DE/anti SE thoughts during TVD and while the site doesn't exist anymore there are archive links to their posts. I think you'll enjoy reading this on 4x6 and Elena's subconscious with Katherine:

https://web.archive.org/web/20130528231733/http://www.rophydoes.com/other-recaps/the-vampire-diaries/406-we-all-go-a-little-mad-sometimes/

This post is a treasure, and I thank you so much for sharing it with me. Believe everything you read because I agree with all of it. I'm actually bookmarking the blog because I love it that much, so I hope it never gets deleted. I haven't read the whole thing yet because it is quite long, but this link is everything I feel about 4x6. The blogger is more thorough than I am, and they word things better than I do. But the way I blog isn't so much for a wide audience because honestly, my ADHD is unmedicated as I choose to be. This writing is perfect for a large audience, so it's easy reading. Everyone that has read this blogger's post now knows what I've been saying. I knew Stelena was over in this very episode. You can literally feel the beginning and the end. Something I often talk about when Pastor Young flicks his lighter and blows up his farm house. He blows the kitchen because Elena is gonna be cooking without Stefan. And Pastor Young does this as soon as Stefan puts the daylight ring on her finger.

Elena's subconscious during the hunter's curse is a lot like the Legacies prism. That's why it's appearing as three different people rather than Elena herself. Elena is warring against herself, and she's getting buried in it. The curse wants her to give up, so it's hitting her pretty damn hard. It won't give her a moment to breathe, to relax. It's coming at her in a way that's a lot like Damon and Sybil in the cellar, only for Elena, it's everything she needs to move forward in her new life. She just needs them to pull her out of it like they pull Damon out of his head. Because yes, that's where she is in this episode - Her head.

I feel the same of Elena's feelings for Damon in 3x22. I will add to that. It's my continued belief that Elena wanted to break up with Stefan in her bedroom, and right before he kissed her. However, Elena had to wait for that breakup because of who she is. She can't break up with Stefan, then have him leave her house to face Alaric. That's not something to fight with. So she told Stefan that they could talk later. I'm not saying that she would've picked Damon, only that she was ready to break up with Stefan. I specifically love the portion about the doppelgangers and how Elena views herself regarding that aspect of herself. Beautiful work on that.

I love how this blogger mentions Elena being reborn because that's exactly what it felt like for me. More to the fact that water is used for them, so her drowning was perfect for it. They did the same thing with the daylight ring that they did with the vervain necklace, only they used fire for that. They pull this insane flashback montage as Elena is marching her way to the bridge because they're basically rewinding to 3x22 and throwing her back into the water. It's what you'd imagine. She's washing off the pains of the day and prepared to live true to herself. So when Elena wakes in her room, they're in her room because they've literally rewound it to the beginning of 4x1. That's why you'll see Damon sitting at her window like he was before. And yes, it was supposed to be Damon sitting on her bed with her, not Stefan. She let go of the normal girl she was, and is now ready to embrace this new girl that she is. She's emerging from the lake with her truth, and her desire to live in that truth.

So what I see in the Delena scene is their beginning. Elena wanted them to continue sitting on her bed, holding each others hand and... nope, Damon takes the high road. She didn't want him to take the high road at this point, she wanted to enjoy the moment with him. This is what drives Elena in her scene with Stefan. Since the moment she watched him walk away in 4x1, she's been forced to let him go over and over again, and she's just done with it. The section on the Delena bedroom scene… you'll understand what I mean when I say they're organic. The writers have them falling so naturally that I'm like… damn. They're everything that Stefan and Elena are not, and I love them for it. They built this, all of this, and in a natural way.

The Stelena scene is their end. I agree with Elena being the one who broke up with Stefan. I've felt that way since my first watch. But it's not without explanation. At the open of the episode, she refused to let Stefan make it about Damon. Here, she's purposefully making it about Damon because she's pushing Stefan to break up with her. I mean, she just survived an insane war against herself and all of these feelings she's been soaking up since time began. So after dealing with the curse, she wants this breakup to be easy. She's pushing Stefan to say the words. Just as much, she wants the breakup to be his. All I can think about is that movie, How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days.

I love it when people give me posts like this to chew on. I'll be enjoying it for a while.

[decaydanceredacted]

To make up for my Ao3 advertising and non-redacted submissions here, I figured I'd finally offer a true submission.. (off anon bc I already revealed my blog name in my last submission-)

I have a horrible obsession with cnc and stalking, (Which leaks into pred/pray kink stuff-) and when that last tour video of Joe and Patrick dropped, when Joe raises his eyebrow when Pat tries to challenge him for once and IMMEDIATELY backs down. (I hope we all know what I'm talking about here)

Let me tell you, said video has kept me up at night and still clouds my head, and I can't count the number of fantasies that have spawned from this. In the simplest way possible, I want to be hunted and chanced by Joe. (I apologize that this is gonna be lengthy)

So anyways, there's this particular fantasy that's been super prominent for the past week concerning Joe and Pete.

To set a small background up, you know both Joe and Pete, either as friends or simple acquaintances. (Bonus points if they had been joking with you about breaking into your house and using you and had been teasing you about it) Imagine being home alone. It's dark out, maybe a little stormy, and you're watching a show or movie on your couch or whatever. You get up to go to the kitchen, but as you round the corner, there's a shadow standing in front of you that isn't your own. You have nothing to grab in defense as you slowly back away from the kitchen doorway, and your heart only sinks further into your stomach as you recognize the face of the intruder. Pete's standing a few inches from you, an almost playful smirk on his lips. Instinct kicks in, you run through the house, thinking if you can get to your bathroom or bedroom, you can at least barricade yourself from him. Almost comically, as you run into your bedroom, you run straight into Joe. Maybe you try to scramble and run from Joe, but he just grabs you by your shirt or hair and throws you onto your own bed.

The two of them proceed to have their way with you, using you. Pete can't shut up about how long he's been watching you through your windows, saying shit like how much he's craved your body after catching glimpses of it through windows. And Joe can't shut up about how hungry he's been for you, how he's considered cornering you when you've hung out before but he wanted to wait so that both him and Pete could have their fun with you. Maybe he was the one who convinced Pete to join him.

They put you on your knees first, taking turns with your throat before they get bored and try and see if you can take both of them in your mouth at the same time, laughing at you, humiliating you. They eventually move onto fucking you silly, taking turns with your hole while you whine and try not to moan, not wanting to give them the satisfaction of knowing you're enjoying it. If you turn away from them, one of them grabs your chin and tells you to 'keep watching, or else.' And if you try talking back to them, you get slapped, bit, or spit on.

Once they get close to cuming, Pete switches to using your mouth, throat fucking you while Joe continues to destroy you in Missionary. Joe makes sure you're full, and Pete makes sure you swallow. At this point you'd forgotten you weren't supposed to be enjoying this, hell you'd even forgotten they'd broken into your house in the first place. And then bc I'm a sucker for good endings, they make sure to give you proper aftercare and spend the night with you, all the while knowing they're just gonna use you again tomorrow.

Apologies if that was a lot.

Kinda debating on actually making this a fic, but I wouldn't make it an x reader probably bc I don't like writing x readers lol.

-Sybil

.

[angelswing236]

"It’s not too late, let’s go."

Fictober 23 challenge

Fandom: Downton Abbey

Category: Fanfiction

The knock on his bedroom door came late at night, the door opening and closing before Tom could answer.

‘I can’t go through with it,’ Mary said, looking hunted but determined.

‘Go through with what?’

‘The wedding! What do you think I’m talking about?’ she snapped and then flapped her hand apologetically at him. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.’

He stood up, moving towards her. ‘It’s just last minute nerves, Mary.’

She shook her head fiercely. ‘No, it’s not. I was staring at my wedding outfit and I just… I knew. I can’t marry Henry tomorrow. I can’t. It would be the biggest mistake of my life. And believe me, that’s saying something.’

Tom bit his lip, studying her carefully. ‘Why do you think that?’

‘Because I have such doubts.’

‘Like what?’

‘His profession, for one. I can’t be a crash widow again, Tom, I simply can’t.’

‘All right. What else?’

‘He… he doesn’t listen to me. He tells me I love him, he tells me we’re in love, that what we have is special but…’

‘But?’

‘It doesn’t feel special. It doesn’t feel like it did with Matthew.’

Tom gazed at her, understanding that. He’d yet to find any woman who made his heart beat faster like Sybil.

‘Well, it won’t, Mary. Nothing will be like it was with Matthew. You don’t really expect it to be, do you?’

‘I feel like he’s bullied me to the altar,’ she said, bleakly. ‘I don’t feel wooed or romanced or loved. I feel bullied.’

Tom pressed his lips together, not liking what he was hearing. ‘Does he really make you feel like that?’

‘Yes.’

‘Don’t you love him?’

She shook her head, her eyes wide, looking like she expected him to gainsay her.

‘Then you don’t have to marry him.’

‘I don’t know that I can face him and tell him that. I know that sounds cowardly, but I have this terrible fear he will talk me around and I’ll simply end up at the altar with him anyway,’ she said, despairingly. ‘I don’t know what to do, Tom.’

He nodded thoughtfully, then glanced at his watch. ‘All right. It’s not too late, let’s go.’

‘Go? Go where?’ Mary asked, taken aback.

‘Anywhere. Scarborough, Leeds. London if you want. I’m taking you away from here.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not going to just stand aside and let him bully you into marrying him. I won’t let that happen. So, I’m going to take you away from Downton tonight. We can send a telegram in the morning cancelling the wedding.’

‘You’d do that for me?’

‘Of course, I would. I love you, you know that. I want you to be happy.’

 Mary sagged in relief. ‘Thank you, Tom. Thank you.’

‘Go and pack a bag. I’ll do the same, and then we’ll sneak out and take my car.’

She smiled, a weight lifting from her shoulders. ‘Goodness, people might think we’ve run away together.’

He shrugged, returning her smile. ‘They can think what they like.’

‘Well, it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve stolen away with a Crawley sister in the middle of the night, would it?’ she said, making a tiny joke.

He chuckled. ‘No, it wouldn’t. But I was hoping to get married that time, not running away from a marriage.’

Mary crossed the floor and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘If I’d known what a great friend you would become, I would never have stopped you.’

‘Pack a bag, Mary, and let’s go,’ Tom said gruffly, more touched than he expected by that sentiment. ‘Let’s run away.’

[the-all-seeing-l]

any scarlet hollow theories on the doll in the bedroom closet that keeps on mysteriously moving? 👀 i really hate that thing but i hate that we can’t move it somewhere else!

Spoilers for Scarlet Hollow episodes 1-4

Sorry for the late reply; was busy + had to do some research for this to avoid spewing nonsense (no guarantee though).

I don't think the doll is haunted or able to move on its own since it doesn't move in the first 3 episodes (Keen Eye confirms this).

Episode 1:

Episode 2:

Episode 3:

The first time it has actually moved is if you check in on it at the start of episode 4, because someone was in the closet.

I actually think the creepy doll is supposed to distract you from that very concerning fact. Keen Eye also tells you who went through the closet:

So what did he want in there?

I think instead of the doll, we should be focusing on the documents (riveting, I know). It always bugged me that we were never able to at least sift through them, not even with Book Smart. Despite being a huge messy, I don't think Tabitha would leave something actually important in there; that would just be stupid with how careful she's being otherwise. So if Wayne was looking for something in there, he probably didn't find anything. I would be surprised if he actually thought he would though. So what about this: Considering it was him that suggested to explore the estate in the next episode, what if he planted something there for us to find? Maybe even something that would incriminate Tabitha without context. She's definitely hiding something big, but she's also not the villain Sybil is trying to make her out to be (by implying she's "the cat" and all that). Because of the idea of Tabitha being the Big Bad already being pushed on us in episode 4, it would make sense for that to continue in episode 5, until it culminates in the player character finding something really bad in the estate (though I don't think some incriminating documents will be all; I believe it's pretty plausible that we're actually going to find the Entity) and her finally having to talk to us. If it's not too late by then, that is. Because if we find the Entity, it's definitely going to try and manipulate us like it did with Charlie. I think the climax of episode 5 will revolve around whether we trust the Entity and/ or Sybil or Tabitha. If not episode 5 then episode 6 or 7 for sure. That's just a theory though - a gaME TH- Sorry, I'll shut up now. Obviously I don't have any proof for all that apart from it making sense narrative-wise.

Why would Wayne want to incriminate Tabitha though, you ask? Good question; he did seem at least somewhat sympathetic towards her if you brought her along on the ghost hunt after all. He definitely wants us to trust him though, and he's trying to make us stop relying on Stella. His arguments for this make some sense, but Stella also did get an ambulance when the mine collapsed in episode 2 which was helpful if Rosalina got hurt (though the player character could accuse her of running away even back then). I think Wayne is trying to weaken our trust in everyone else enough that we end up relying solely on him so he can use us for whatever it is he's trying to achieve. If you look at it that way, it would make sense for him to try and make Tabitha look suspicious (though she's already doing a pretty good job at that herself). What his motives are and where or if they intersect with Sybil's, the Entity's and Tabby's, I don't know. I am pretty sure he's not the actual Sam Wayne though, as I explained in my main theory post (https://www.tumblr.com/the-all-seeing-l/710559451068973056).

I know this isn't really what you asked for, but I have no self-control and I think it's better than my initial "The doll's not haunted, bye."?

One interesting thing about the doll itself is that it belonged to Alexandra Scarlet, Edwardine's other daughter aside from Mary-Belle. If you read the Coroner's Reports in episode 4, you learn that she went missing at the age of 9 and is presumed dead. Suspiciously enough, she went missing on the same day Enoch died in a "hiking accident". Maybe it had something to do with the same thing Pastor Daniel's daughter Tulip found in the woods, considering Enoch presumably fell off a cliff there (just like Reese) and Alexandra should have been around the same age as Tulip back then... Ok, I lied! This isn't about the doll at all anymore. It's also blind speculation, so I'll really shut up now. I'm flattered you'd ask me for my thoughts though, and I hope this was somewhat interesting and/ or helpful.

[specialagentlokitty]

Thomas Barrow x Sister!reader - the best big brother

Hi can you also write an second part of Thomas x sister Reader - the best big brother and a part two of Thomas x Reader - unlikely friends? Thanks 💙 - Anon💜

Part two:

Thomas realised it was going to be a struggle to get you to fully open up about the truth behind you leaving everything behind, but you did seem a lot happier.

Though sometimes he catch you staring into nothing, or you just seemed a little too lost inside your own head.

And today was one of those days, you had a half day and you were sat at the table staring at the book in your hands but not quite reading.

“(Y/N), her Lady Grantham has requested you upstairs.” Mrs Hughes said.

You snapped your head up and nodded, setting your book aside you trailed behind her.

“Have I done something wrong?”

“I cannot say, but I’m sure not.” She smiled.

You followed her upstairs and into the bedroom.

“Ah perfect, thank you Mrs Hughes that’s all.”

“Very good my lady.”

Mrs Hughes left and you stood there nervously, practically bouncing on the balls of you feet.

“You needn’t look so worried.” Lady Cora laughed softly.

“I.. I’m sorry my lady.”

“Come, sit down.”

You sat down and looked at her.

“How are you liking it here at Downton?”

“It’s nice my lady, very different to what im used to.”

“I heard you used to be part of the travelling circus, what was that like?”

“Oh it was wonderful my lady, the people were ever so kind to me and taught me many things, how to juggle, sew, tricks to remove stains and marks on clothing, how to play different instruments. It was a wonderful time.”

“O’Brian mentioned she heard you talking about going back.”

“Maybe, sometimes I think about it, I do miss the travelling.”

“Is something holding you back?”

You thought for a moment, brow furrowed as you did and then you looked back at her.

“My brother, I fear it should deeply upset him if I were to leave and he couldn’t see me anymore.”

“Ah, Thomas. What’s he like with you?”

“Oh he’s ever so kind my lady, he helps me when I need it, and takes me on days out when we have the same half day. I know not many of the servants like him aside from Miss O’Brian and Daisy.”

“He’s a complicated man from what I’ve heard, him and Mrs O’Brian are as thick as thieves.”

You nodded your head in agreement.

“I was wondering if perhaps you would be interested in position of Lady’s maid, for Lady Sybil. Poor Anna and O’Brian rush around trying to do everything.”

“I… don’t know if I could to be completely honest. I’m not sure what a ladies maid does my lady.”

“Well, we can always have it explained and shown to you if you wanted. You don’t have to accept if that’s not what you want.”

“Thank you my lady.”

She smiled and nodded and looked at you carefully.

“Can I ask why were you travelling for so long?”

“My… my father was not a very kind man, especially not to my brother. Thomas did his best to protect me from that, and one night in anger he left, and my father direction that at me.”

You sighed softly.

“I know thomas blames himself.”

“He is not to blame though, is he?”

“Oh no of course not! Thomas did everything for me, I always swore one day I would find him, and then I happened to be an hour away, and I decided to come and see him.”

Lady Cora nodded her head.

“You won’t let Thomas mix you up in anything troublesome will you?”

“Of course not my lady, and he would never drag me into his plans either, he would want to keep me very far away from it all.”

“Well that is a relief to hear. Should you change your mind about the ladies maid, please come talk to me, or Mrs Hughes.”

“I will my lady, thank you.”

She smiled and nodded her head, letting you go and as you were heading back downstairs you found Thomas standing in the hallway and he gestured for you to wait.

So you did.

He finished talking to Mr Carson, and then he walked over to you, placing his hand on top of your head.

“I heard you’ve been offered position of ladies maid.”

“Yes, I was just speaking to her ladyship about it.”

“Did you accept?”

“No, I’ve been given some time to think about it.”

“What’s there to think about? Plenty of house maids would get on their knees to beg for a position like that and you’ve just been offered it.”

“I know Thomas but I.. I just need to think about it is all…”

Thomas sighed, looking down at you.

“I know you want to go back to the circus.”

“Maybe…”

“(Y/N) that’s not life, not when you can build a good one here! A stable place, food, money, everything you could ever need!”

“I don’t know if I want to be stuck being a servant the rest of my life Thomas, I.. I don’t know what I want.”

“So you’d just throw it all away to run around with circus freaks?” He asked

You pushed his hand away and glared at him.

“This circus freaks as you call them Thomas are my friends, they’re my family! They took me in when I had nothing and gave me everything! I owe them my life!”

“They’re nothing but lowlifes who scramble and make fools of themselves just for money!”

“Because they don’t have a choice! Because of people like you!” You snapped.

You took a deep breath and glared at him.

“At least they were there for me.. at least they didn’t abandon me like you did…”

You stormed past him.

You went downstairs, grabbed your book and then made your way back to your room and you stayed there all afternoon.

You were supposed to come down for supper, but you didn’t want to, so you stayed away.

The following morning, you still refused to speak to Thomas, and he sat as far away from you as you sat next to Mr Bates.

“What’s going on?” He whispered.

“Thomas thinks he knows what’s best for me.” You grumbled.

“I’m trying to stop you from throwing your life away, but if you want to do that go ahead, don’t come crawling back when you realise you made a mistake.”

“Thomas!” Anna hissed.

You glared at him.

“Coming here was a mistake.”

Standing up, you walked away and knocked on the door to Mrs Hughes office and opened it.

“I’m sorry you’re busy…”

“Not at all, come in, we were just talking about you actually.” She smiled.

You walked in and closed the door behind you.

“Did you think about her ladyships offer?” Mr Carson asked.

“I did, and I’m going to turn it down. I have decided to have in my notice and leave within the month.”

“Whatever do you mean? I thought you liked it here.” Mrs Hughes said.

You nodded your head.

“Please don’t get me wrong I do, and I am deeply thankful for what you have both done for me. But I cannot stay here and have my life dictated to me by my brother, it’s one of the reason I ran away from home.”

“Then where will you go?” Mr Carson asked you.

“Back to the circus.”

“Have you really though about this?” Mrs Hughes said.

“No, but that’s where I want to be. Where I want to go.”

“Think about it for a few days, and should you wish to still go, then we will accept your resignation.” Mr Carson said.

You nodded your head and went about your daily duties.

And just like Mr Carson said, you did think about it, and you were set on still leaving, it was what you wanted to do.

As you were upstairs cleaning one of the rooms, you quickly stopped when the door opened.

“My lord, I apologise I wasn’t aware you were coming in here.”

“That’s alright it was a last minute decision really. Carry on, don’t let me disturb you.”

“Very good my lord.”

You went back to your cleaning, greeting the others as they came in, and you were speaking to Lady Sybil about a dress she wanted to know if you could fix for her.

“Ah, Mr Carson with our tea. Perfect timing.” Lady Cora smiled.

“I must be going now my lady, but I can fix that dress for you.”

“Oh thank you so much.” She smiled.

You gathered your things and stood aside while Thomas, William and Mr Carson came in, and you looked away from Thomas.

“Oh (Y/N)?” Lady Cora asked.

You set your stuff down.

“Yes my lady?”

“I heard you’ve decided to leave Downton, is there a reason for this?”

Thomas stopped when he was doing and looked at you.

“I have decided to return to the circus my lady. They’re here at the end of the month, so I will go with them then. Thank you all for what you have done to me, I have enjoyed it here.”

“Can we not talk you out of it?” Lord Grantham asked.

“I’m afraid not my Lord.”

“Could Thomas talk you out of it?” Lady Cora said.

“I believe Thomas may be relieved to hear about it my lady.” You said quietly.

She looked between you and Thomas.

“Sit down, both of you.”

She put a chair in front of another chair and both you and Thomas sat down facing one another.

“You told me your brother kept you here, so what’s changed so drastically you feel you must leave?” Lady Cora asked you.

“We.. had an argument my lady…”

“And that’s reason for you to run away?” Lady Mary asked.

“No, no of course not. But I believe it would be best for us both if I left.”

“You surely cannot think that.” Thomas said.

You looked at him.

“Why would I fight to get you to agree to stay here if I wanted you to leave so badly?” He asked.

You shrugged a little and looked away from him.

“I don’t want you to leave.” He said.

“You don’t?”

“No, of course not. If you leave how else am I supposed to know you are safe and well?”

You shrugged again and he sighed heavily.

“We will talk about this later.” He said.

“Fine…”

“Does this mean if I let both of you go now, to talk about this, you will come back up and tell us you’re going to stay (Y/N)?” Lady Cora asked.

“Possibly my lady.”

“Right, Carson you can manage with just William?”

“Yea my lady.”

You and Thomas were ushered away and he grabbed your wrist, taking you downstairs he led you out the door for privacy and he closed it.

“So, why are you really leaving?”

“Thomas I had my whole life dictated to me by father, when I left I had freedom, though not many choices, but I had freedom. And I came here in hopes for the same freedom and you’re telling me what jobs to accept, I don’t think it fair.”

“You’re right it isn’t, and I should never have pushed you into accepting it but I just want what’s best for you, surely you understand.”

“Of course I do…”

He sighed, lighting a cigarette.

“Then what’s the other reason?”

“I said some mean things to you…”

“So? I say rude things to people all the time.”

“That’s not the point, the point is I blamed you for not being there for me when I knew it wasn’t your fault. I never should have blamed you, and I was worried.. you wouldn’t want me here anymore…”

Thomas walked over, placing a hand on your head.

“You’re so foolish, of course I would still want you here, where else would I want my little sister to be if not by my side?”

You shrugged a little and he chuckled.

“Come here you silly girl.”

Thomas hugged you and you hugged him back.

“I just don’t want you to think you have to go back to a life of the circus that’s all.”

“I’m sorry…”

Thomas sighed, looking down at you.

“Are you still going to leave? Because if you are I won’t stop you.”

“Why?”

Thomas pulled away from the hug and smiled down at you.

“I should come with you of course, I would never let you go back out there again, I’m sure I can learn a trick or two from you.”

You smiled brightly.

“You would leave everything here for me?”

“Of course, nothing is more important to me.”

You quickly hugged him again and pulled away.

“Well you should be so lucky that I have decided to stay.”

“Really? Why’s that?”

“You’ve got yourself a good life here Thomas, though you should really work on making friends. It’s a good life. And I would never want to take that away from you, plus I should like to have some more experience behind me as a house maid.”

“What about a ladies maid?”

“I will ask for a trial.”

Thomas smiled at you, putting his cigarette out.

“Good.”

He looked around before looking down at you.

“If you ever want to go back to the circus we will both run away.” He whispered.

“A backup plan.” You grinned back.

Thomas nodded his head and out looked to the door as it opened.

“I have been asked to bring you both back up.” Mrs Hughes said.

You both followed her back to the room you had left, and you stood in front of the family.

“Has a decision been made?” Lord Grantham asked.

Thomas placed his hand on your head and looked down at you, nodding his head.

You turned back to them.

“Yes my lord. I will be staying, Thomas has convinced me I cannot keep running off to the circus when I get upset.”

Everyone laughed.

“And about being my ladies maid?” Lady Sybil asked.

“I should like a trail, to see if it’s something I can do my lady.”

“Of course we can arrange that for tomorrow!” She smiled.

“Well I am glad you two have made up, it is such a shame to see two siblings fighting with one another.” Lady Cora said.

“We’re sorry to have worried you my lady.” Thomas said.

She nodded her head and you beamed up at Thomas and he gave you your things, ushering you out of the room so he could work

[cakesandfail]

Ah fuck I just got to the description of Vimes's room

I just... oof. By this point there's been descriptions of Vimes, Vetinari, and Sybil's living arrangements, and while Sybil does at least have some stuff that she likes in her bedroom the overall effect of the three makes me feel really sad

I know they all get better at living a life where they're actually happy and at least two of them are heading that way already now but I also just think, like... can you three fucking look after yourselves please, I understand the impulse to devote yourself entirely to a city and/or grubby little creature but despite all the collective adolescent trauma you do in fact deserve better than this

[adoracora-elizabeth]

The truth always comes out, chapter 31

Robert walked to his dressing room. He heard voices coming from Cora’s bedroom. Edith was there. He was relieved to know Edith was talking and did not hide away in her room. Mary had come down to him in the drawing room. He was surprised when she walked in, but he had been thankful, nonetheless.

Her news about Matthew had cheered him up immensely. Matthew could be his potential successor. He could see it in his minds eye, him teaching Matthew everything about Downton. He knew Mary had always been interested, but due to his own fault. She had gone in a different direction, and with Cora’s help, she started her own business.

He had made so many mistakes, so many. First, with his darling Sybil. Was Tom really that bad for her? As Cora had pointed out so clearly, they were not living in 1920 anymore. The class system was not that important. Of course, Sybil would have to learn to live a less luxurious life. But maybe she did not mind? She had never been the one to care for nice dresses or new shoes. To be fair, Mary was the only one interested in those things. He wondered where that came from, Cora had never raised them that way. They only got new clothes when needed, and Cora herself never bought very expensive things. Of course, she had a couple of designer dresses, but because of their title, they had to attend special dinners and events.

His Cora was known for her sustainability. She would wear dresses to multiple events, and she did not care about gossip.

He also made a lot of mistakes with Edith, even though she never gave him that feeling on purpose. He just knew she never really talked with him. It surprised him she was now talking with Cora. Was there a boy in her life? Or maybe a girl. He felt chills run down his spine. Would he be able to accept that? He did not know. He had to admit to his own shame that he always had been sure they would marry a man. He shook his head. That was not something he needed to think about now.

Bates entered his dressing room.

“Bates, I have to thank you .” He turned his back towards Bates so he could take his dinner jacket.

Bates raised his eyebrows. “Why, Milord?”

“I can understand when you want to go and work somewhere else.”

This made Bates laugh. “We are friends, are we not?”

Robert turned back towards Bates. “I hope we are. Of course I pay you and officially I am your employer. But I see you as a friend and these last weeks you have been an exceptional good one.”

“What will you do once her Ladyship has left this house?”

“I guess just go on with every day. I have to, there is no other option. This estate will need attending.”

Bates nodded but did not say anything.

Robert paused and looked at him. “Bates, please tell me what you mean.”

“Is Jane coming back.”

“What!” Robert said brusque.

“Are you sure you have not thought about that?”

“How dare you. Jane was a mistake. A big one that has cost me my life. I may be lucky if I do not lose my girls, too. That woman will never be back here. NEVER.” That last word Robert shouted.

Bates did not back down or step back. He had provoked on purpose. He needed to be sure Jane was history. “Good, Milord. I am happy to hear you say that.”

Robert sunk on his bed. “I am sorry, I should not have reacted that way.”

“I understand. Good night.”

Robert saw Bates leave. He should get in bed, but he was too restless to sleep. He needed a drink, he needed it badly.

+++

He had waited a while before heading down again. It took everything in him not to walk into Cora’s room and sleep next to her. It was so hard to know she was back home, but that it was only temporary. And what hurt him the most was that she did not see this house as her home anymore.

He had robbed her of her home. No! No, that was something she did herself. She could have forgiven him. But of course, she was being headstrong. He had always loved her strength to stand up for herself. The times she had defended herself against his mother without losing her temper. But now he had hoped she would accept that people made mistakes. He was a human being who made a mistake. Did she never do anything wrong? Her part in this debacle was maybe as big? He scolded himself. Her part was not as big. Her being distracted had started it all. But no, he was the one who strayed.

Before he realised it, he was standing in front of the liquor cabinet. He bent down to get the bottle of whiskey. Just when he wanted to poor his glass full, he heard a woman’s voice.

“Is that wise? Milord?”

Robert turned around in shock. Mrs. Hughes was standing in the doorway. He saw her walking over, and she put her hand softly on his arm.

“Why do you not go to sleep?”

“If I could, I would be asleep right now. Just one drink.”

“I am not the one to stop you, but I will advise against that one glass.” Mrs. Hughes took the bottle. Robert let her. “I will ask Mrs. Patmore to make you a cup of hot milk with anise. That should help you to fall asleep. Can I do something else for you?”

Defeated Robert looked at Mrs. Hughes. She was just 3 years older than he was, but he always had respected her immensely. She was a wise woman. Robert shook his head. “No, thank you.” He said soft.

“Good night.”

[legends-of-time]

The Journey of Living at Downton

Chapter 24: Mid August to End of September 1920

Masterlist

Emma goes to London with Mary with them only telling Cora why. Dr Ryder tells Mary that she needs to have a small operation though Mary doesn't want to talk about what exactly is wrong. Emma is very worried about it but Mary thankfully is fine, tired, but fine though has been told she can't do any sexual activity. Emma wonders how Mary is going to be able to keep Matthew away without him becoming suspicious until Mary gets the all clear.

Emma in the meantime is able to get a job as a nurse at the Hospital since they seem to be staying at Downton for longer, Emma wants to be doing something useful plus her promise to Sybil that their children would be close.

Emma, Tom and Ivy are still at Downton but that won't be long as they are moving into the Agent's house as Mr Jarvis has moved out. Emma and Tom have looked around together and decided on decorating properly soon after the cricket match.

Turns out Alfred has reported to a horrified Mr Carson about what he saw between Thomas and Jimmy. Mr Carson has decided that Thomas can get a reference and leave while using Mr Bates returning as an excuse. Emma is sad to see him go but worries about what Alfred or Jimmy would do if he stays.

——

"How are you getting on with the cricket team?" Cora asks her husband as she does some sewing as she sits on one of the settees in the Library. It's mid August now and the cricket match will be happening in just over a month's time.

"We should be all right. We've still got Thomas, thank God and it seems Billy knows a thing or two." Robert replies from his desk.

"Won't Thomas be leaving soon?" Edith asks from where she's looking through some papers at a different desk.

Robert turns to look at her. "Not before the match if I've got anything to do with it."

"One of the gardeners told Gemma their team is in 'terrific shape'." Emma says as she looks up from her book from her settee opposite Cora. Gemma had become Emma's little helper now and again but her main job still fell to being the head maid, now that Anna is Mary's lady's maid, and helping Edith with getting dressed etc.

"It's so unfair the outside staff play for the Village," Robert complains.

"Why don't you support the house and the Village? You own both." Edith retorts. Emma looks over to see Mary sitting on a chair, between her father and sister, in a daze and not engaging with the conversation. Emma frowns in concern about Mary's behaviour.

"But I'm captain of the house team." Robert counters as he gathers up his papers and walks over to them.

"If I were you, I'd be captain of the Village. They always win." Cora comments with an amused smile.

"Not always. Usually, but not always." Robert corrects before noticing his eldest daughter's mood. "Mary, you look as if you're in a trance. What were you and Emma doing in London? It's worn you out."

"Maybe. I'll try and rest tomorrow." Mary quickly replies. Emma shares a knowing and sympathetic look with Cora.

——

"Mary?" Emma calls as she opens the door and steps into the eldest Crawley daughter's bedroom.

"Oh, Emma." Mary breathes in relief. "I thought you were Matthew."

"No, he's still getting dressed for dinner, I think," Emma says, coming over and taking a seat next to Mary. "Are you sure you're feeling well? You've been off since we came back and you didn't tell me much about what the doctor said."

"Look, all you need to know is that Dr. Ryder believes it went well." Mary sighs. "He was quite optimistic about the outcome."

"If you say so." Emma then smirks. "Are you really going to keep him at arms length for the next few weeks?"

"Well... you know Dr. Ryder said that I'm still recovering from the operation, and that it would be best to not... exert myself...  before my next appointment but I do not know how I am supposed to do that?" Mary frowns, a blush coming to her cheeks.

"This is why I think you should tell him," Emma argues.

"You know I cannot. He'll fret and worry the whole time." Mary argues.

"But you've been away for days. I'm sure that he's missed you." Emma counters. She knows that in a new marriage like Mary's and Matthew's, it's difficult for them to keep their hands off one another.

Mary rolls her eyes and looks back at the jewellery sitting on her vanity. "I just hope the operation worked." She sighs, turning back to Emma. Emma gets what she means, it's one thing to put off Matthew for three weeks if she had good news for him by the end of it, but if the operation didn't fix their issue, then Mary will be even worse off than she was before.

"You couldn't be in better hands than Dr. Ryder's if the cost of him is anything to say by it." Emma says kindly.

"I hope to God you're right," Mary says.

"Anna's worried you're getting late." A voice calls across the room. Emma jumps suddenly at the sudden interruption. She sees it's Matthew of all people that interrupted them

"Heavens, you made me jump," Mary says, trying to make her voice sound light. She smiled at Emma, who can see she's thanking her with her eyes as Emma rises and leaves the room.

"Anna." Emma greets the lady's maid.

"Emma," Anna says before entering the room and Mary must be grateful for her presence.

——

"What is that you're so glued to?" Mary asks her sister who's intensely reading the papers in her hands as she, Matthew and Emma enter the Drawing room. Emma has been taking every chance she gets as being a looming presence when near the heir and the eldest Crawley daughter as to create a buffer in case of questions though shifts at the Hospital do not always make it easy. Tom is in the Nursery with Ivy who has been unsettled recently and Emma worries for when she starts teething.

"This week's column. I've got to send it off tomorrow." Edith replies.

"What's it about?" Emma asks as she takes a seat on the settee that's in front of where Edith sits. Mary and Matthew walk further along to a chair where Mary sits and Matthew continues to stand. Billy and Robert already stand in the room.

"The poor soldiers," Edith explains. "How many are reduced to begging on the streets. And some officers are working as dance partners in nightclubs."

"After the trenches, even the Embassy Club must seem an improvement." Matthew remarks. After what she had seen in the war, Emma agrees with him.

"You shouldn't make fun of them." Edith admonishes.

"She's forgetting that you were in the trenches and she wasn't." Mary retorts.

"She must be 18 by now." The Dowager says as she walks in with Isobel and Cora.

"Little Rose, 18? How scary!" Cora exclaims. Rose is the daughter of the Dowager's niece and Robert's and Rosamund's first cousin. Emma has never met the girl except once briefly from a distance. It's weird to think of that little girl as practically an adult.

"Hello." The Dowager greets them all. She and Isobel sit in chairs nearby the settee that Cora joins Emma on. Tom walks into the room and gives Emma a kiss on the cheek before joining Billy and Robert.

"It's quite a responsibility," Isobel says. That's why they are going on about the Dowager's great niece, said girl is coming to stay with her great aunt for a bit starting tomorrow.

"Well, I couldn't say no." The Dowager argues. "Her mother is my niece and my godchild and she asked it as a special favour. Apparently, she hates London. And they can't get to Scotland until July. Poor Shrimpie, his work keeps him nailed to his desk."

"She hates London, so she's coming to a great-aunt in Yorkshire to have a good time?" Isobel murmurs sarcastically. "Mmm-hmm. How original."

"Well, don't be silly. Of course, you will. Billy is." Emma hears Robert say.

"No, I won't." She hears Tom argue. "I'd like to help. But I've never played a game of cricket in my life. Oddly, the game was never part of my childhood."

"Didn't you play last year?" Robert pushes. Emma rolls her eyes and sighs to herself.

"No. Nor the year before that. The fact is, I've never played cricket." Tom says with finality.

"But couldn't you try?"

"Robert," his wife interrupts, "stop being such a bully. Let's just have a nice dinner." Robert grumbles to himself.

——

Emma knows that Anna and Mr Bates are having a look at the cottage they are getting today. She's pleased that things are finally going back on track for them.

Tom tells Emma all about his and Matthew's plans of buying out Simpson and Tucker, which will mean quite a chunk of the estate will be back in the Crawley's hands and they'll be farming 1/3 directly. Emma is pleased with how excited Tom is and how he and Matthew are getting along but she can't help but worry about how Robert will feel about all this.

"How's keeping Matthew at bay?" Emma remarks when she and Mary are in the Library together.

Mary gives her a glare. "A struggle. He looks at me with those eyes and I'm tempted to give in."

Emma puts on a false serious look and sarcastically pats Mary on the arm. "I'm sure you'll survive. Now I'm off to the Hospital."

——

"We should think of some things to do while you're here," Mary says to Rose, who sits in the Dowager's usual seat next to Robert as they all sit down for dinner. The Dowager sits on the other side with Edith next to her. It's then Emma, Matthew, Cora, Isobel, Billy, Mary and Tom.

"Edith, you should take Rose over to Whitby on Wednesday when they have their market. She'd enjoy that." Robert suggests.

"I can't," Edith says. "I'm going to London on Wednesday."

"Oh, well could I come?" Rose eagerly asks.

"Oh, but you've only just got here. I thought you hated London." Her great aunt looks at her in surprise.

"Who told you that?" Rose asks in disbelief.

"Susan."

Rose chuckles. "Darling Mummy."

"Well, should I correct her?" The Dowager asks, frowning.

"Oh, no. She's right, really." Rose quickly says. "But I'm planning a surprise for her and I need to go to London to arrange it. You won't give me away, will you?" Emma frowns at the girl, something feels off.

"Won't you stay with your parents?" Robert questions.

"Well, I can't. That would spoil everything." Rose frantically replies. Emma has a feeling she's up to something.

"You can stay with me. Aunt Rosamund won't mind and there's plenty of room." Edith speaks.

"I don't even know why you're going," Cora says to her daughter.

"To see my editor. To discuss my article." Edith answers. Emma catches the small smile on her face. It seems Edith might have a small crush on her editor.

——

"I think I might come up with you to London," Matthew says to Edith as he sits next to Emma on the settee across from Edith in her chair. "I'll ring the office in the morning. I can stay at my club." Emma tries to not look alarmed at the idea that Matthew will be going into London the day before her and Mary are sneaking into the city. Hopefully, the large city will keep them all apart.

"Don't do that," Edith tells him. "Aunt Rosamund would love to have you. And I suspect I'll need help controlling Rose."

"Why do you say that?" Matthew asks as they all glance towards the girl sitting on the other end of the settee, talking with Isobel and the Dowager, who sit in chairs.

"I'm not sure," Edith admits. "Instinct."

"I feel it too. Something's off and she doesn't want her mother to find out." Emma informs them.

They turn and watch as the Dowager asks Rose, "But when your mother finds out, will she mind?"

"No, she'll be delighted and so grateful to all of you for helping with my secret," Rose reassures and turns towards Edith, Matthew and Emma as she speaks louder. "Besides, with Edith as my chaperone, what harm can I come to?" Matthew looks at Emma and Edith, amused while the two women look anxious.

Emma stands and wanders over to where Mary stands with Billy and Robert. She spots Tom talking with Cora and realises he's sharing his and Matthew's plans for the estate to gain support.

Emma shares a look with Mary and the two of them wander over to hear Tom say, "We think so, but we need you to think so, too. Because Lord Grantham definitely won't."

"Are you drawing up the battle lines?" Mary remarks.

"Poor Robert. The post-war world is not being kind to him." Cora murmurs sympathetically.

"How are you two getting on with the agent's house?" Mary asks Emma and Tom. "I hope Jarvis didn't leave it a wreck."

"No, not at all," Emma says. "Only some things need to be done."

"But the furniture was his, so we'll have to begin in a state of Trappist simplicity," Tom adds.

"Well, I'm sure there's some stuff in the attics here. We'll have a look." Mary suggests.

"What about Emma and the baby? Won't it be lonely for them with just you and Nanny and nobody else for company?" Cora speaks.

"I think it's right for all of us and I have the Hospital," Emma argues. "I'm not going to be cut off from the world."

——

Emma goes to the Servants' Courtyard after dinner and checking on Ivy. She still enjoys going to the Courtyard to think and reflect. However, when she gets there she finds a sobbing Thomas in a corner.

"Thomas?!" Emma exclaims when she sees the crouched figure and hurries over to him. "Dear god. What happened?" She squats next to him.

"I'm not getting that reference after all, Emma." Thomas sobs.

"What do you mean?" Emma questions, confused. "I know Mr Carson isn't exactly open but I thought he at least wanted you to get a job elsewhere."

Thomas sniffles. "It's Jimmy. He's threatening to go to the Police if Mr Carson gives me a good reference."

"How could he do that?!" Emma cries in outrage.

"No, no." Thomas quickly says before Emma can jump up and charge into the servants' quarters and string up the footman. "It wasn't Jimmy. He wouldn't do this. Someone else has put him up to this."

"Well, if you're sure," Emma says uncertainly. She doesn't really know Jimmy so she can't be sure.

"I am." Thomas declares. "Mr Carson has given me a couple of days to decide what to do but I don't what I can do."

"Well, I—"

The door opens and Mrs Hughes emerges saying, "Mr Barrow? Emma?" The two of them quickly stand though Thomas seems to lean on Emma for support. "What in heaven's name are you doing out here? I know you're leaving, but things can't be as black as all that. You're trained now. You can apply for a position as a butler."

"You don't know everything, then," Thomas speaks.

"Then will you tell me everything?" Mrs Hughes asks kindly.

"Look, I'm afraid if I do, Mrs Hughes, that-t will shock and disgust you." Thomas shakily replies.

""Shock and disgust"? My, my. I think I have to hear it now. Come on." Mrs Hughes puts her arm around him to encourage him inside. Thomas looks to Emma.

"I think you should tell her," Emma tells him. "Of all people, Mrs Hughes can help and there's no one else I would trust to help you."

Thomas nods and the three of them walk into Mrs Hughes' Sitting room to talk.

——

Mrs Hughes is going to talk with Mr Carson. The idea of it all still not being sorted makes Emma very anxious as she sits in a chair in Mary's room as said woman sits at her dresser. They are waiting for Edith so they can enact the part of their plan to get Mary to her check up with Dr Ryder with Matthew none the wiser.

"Yes?" Edith asks as she steps inside the room.

"Is having Gemma working out?" Mary asks as she sorts her jewellery.

"Yes, though I still miss Anna," Edith replies as she sits on the chair next that's next to Emma's. "What do you call her now she's your maid?"

"Anna, I'm afraid. I can't very well call her Bates." Mary remarks as she slips on her gloves. While Emma doesn't wear as fancy clothes as the Crawley sisters do, she wears appropriate enough clothes for someone of more middle class standing.

"No. What's this about?" Edith questions.

"Well, you know Matthew wants to come with you to London."

"Why shouldn't he?" Edith retorts.

"We want to check which train you're planning to come back on," Emma says calmly, trying to calm the atmosphere before it gets hostile.

"The three o'clock on Thursday, why?"

"Can you promise not to let him catch an earlier one?" Mary asks.

"Of course not. What reason would I give?" Edith questions.

"You can think of something."

"Please Edith." Emma pleads.

"Oh, all right. But why is everything always so complicated?" Edith huffs before leaving.

Emma sighs. "Well, that's done then."

——

Mr Carson is insisting that his hands are tied when it comes to the situation. He can't give Thomas a good reference without risking him being thrown into prison despite not liking him but at the same time, Thomas' life will still be ruined as he will struggle with no reference to help him start again.

Emma feels uncomfortable about leaving Thomas for the night while she goes with Mary to London as she worries things will only get worse for him.

Emma also feels bad for leaving Tom at the mercy of Robert's questioning though she hopes Billy will back him up. Tom had said that he doesn't want to have to explain things on his own and so will have to wait till Matthew returns.

The first day is spent travelling around the city, sightseeing and shopping. Emma can see that Mary is anxious the entire time and Emma doesn't blame her.

——

The next day after arriving in London, Emma and Mary arrive to see Dr Ryder. The appointment is just to see if all is well with Mary before he can give the all clear.

"Mrs Levinson for Dr Ryder," Mary says when they approach the reception desk.

Emma glances around and freezes when she catches Matthew on the steps leading to Dr Ryder's office. "Mary." She murmurs.

Mary glances at her confused before turning to see what she is staring at and then proceeds to freeze herself when she realises she's been caught.

The silence is broken when the receptionist leans forward to inform Mary that Dr Ryder is ready to see her. Mary quickly passes her husband and goes into the office. Matthew follows her with his gaze before turning accusingly to Emma.

"What's going on?" He asks, walking toward Emma.

She glances awkwardly at the receptionist, who is watching them, and pulls Matthew away so as not to be overheard.

"I'm sorry we've lied to you but Mary didn't want you to worry," Emma tells him.

Matthew frowns. "Worry about what?"

"Mary can explain." At Matthew's worried expression, she hurriedly adds, "It's nothing bad!"

——

Thankfully Matthew, after Mary has explained everything, is not mad but delighted to hear that Mary has been given the all clear and hopefully she'll be pregnant before her next check up in six months' time.

And Emma was right to be worried about Rose as the girl had been out partying with a married man who used to work with her father. Matthew has gotten Rosamund and Edith to agree not to say anything and Rose to not see the man while she's in their care.

Rose has a sour expression on her face as she walks down the steps of Rosamund's house to where Matthew, Mary, Emma, Edith and Rosamund wait.

"I feel very guilty not telling Susan about last night." Rosamund grumbles.

"Mummy wouldn't understand." Rose retorts hotly.

"Nor do I." Rosamund snaps. "What were you thinking? A respectable, well-born young woman going out with a married man?"

"Rose knows it all depends on her behaviour for the rest of her stay. One false step and I shall personally telephone Lady Flintshire." Matthew mediates.

"Very well." Rosamund accepts. "But I don't approve."

Rose sighs irritably and all of them make a move to leave the house and make their way back to Downton. Emma is particularly anxious to see Thomas.

——

Mr Bates had questioned Mrs Hughes and has also told Robert about the blackmail to Mr Carson from Jimmy who is also being blackmailed by Miss O'Brien, according to him. Now Emma and Mr Bates have joined forces to talk to Thomas, to see if there's anything they can do. Emma is surprised by Mr Bates' offer to help but she supposes that after being in prison himself, he doesn't want to see it happen to anyone else.

"What's he doing here?" Thomas asks with narrowed eyes.

Emma sighs. "He's helping. We want Mr Carson to be able to give you a good reference without the risk of sending you to jail."

"Prison has changed you," Thomas murmurs to Mr Bates. "There was a time when nothing was too bad for me, as far as you were concerned."

"Prison has changed me." Mr Bates replies. "You do know Miss O'Brien is behind it?"

"I knew someone was. Jimmy'd never think of it for himself." Thomas murmurs.

"Doesn't it bother you that she'll get away with it?" Emma asks. She can't believe he's just given up.

"Not really."

"Without a reference after ten years here? You'll never work again."

"Not in England. But elsewhere maybe." Thomas argues. "A cousin in Bombay. I might go there. I like the sun." Emma raises an eyebrow as she takes in his very pale complexion.

"You shouldn't be kicked out of your own country!" Emma exclaims. "I've seen it happen with my own husband and it's not pretty."

"There must be something you know about Miss O'Brien you can use against her." Mr Bates persists.

"You've heard of the phrase, to know when you're beaten?" Thomas asks. "Well, I'm beaten, Mr Bates. I'm well and truly beaten."

"Then give us the weapon and I'll do the work. What can I say that will make her change her mind?" Mr Bates questions.

Emma sees an idea dawn on Thomas' face. "Her Ladyship's soap." He murmurs.

Emma scrunches her face up in confusion. "What?"

"Right then." Mr Bates says. "I'll invite Miss O'Brien round to the cottage and we'll see what happens."

——

"It is not how we do things!" Robert snaps as he paces between the two settees in the Library. Cora, Mary and Emma sit in one and Matthew and Tom on the other. "Many of the farmers' families have been at Downton for as long as we have."

"But we need to see more profits from the farms," Tom argues.

"Here we go. Profit! Profit! Profit!" Robert retorts. Emma sees her husband's face tighten.

"We cannot go forward with no income." Matthew calmly counters.

"But why not tackle it gradually?" Robert suggests. Emma tries not to roll her eyes at him. "Perhaps buy some time by investing your capital. I hear of schemes every day that'll double whatever's put into them or triple it or more."

"Many schemes offer high rewards, very few deliver them." Matthew points out.

"There's a chap in America, what's his name, Charles Ponzi," Robert continues, "who offers a huge return after 90 days. Now Harry Stoke has gone in with a bundle..."

"Then Harry Stoke, whoever he is, is a fool!" Matthew retorts.

"But if I could find out..."

Matthew leaps up and yells, "Robert, the last time you took an interest in investment, you ruined the family!"

Cora turns on her son-in-law. "Now, look here! Robert's been the captain of this ship long enough to be entitled to some respect!"

"He didn't mean to be disrespectful," Emma argues, trying to calm everyone down.

"He does a marvellous impression of it," Robert says.

"We are giving the farmers a choice. That's all." Tom pipes up, coming to stand next to Matthew. "If they want to sell, the larger units will let us meet the challenges of the modern world."

"We need to build something that will last, Papa. Not stand by and watch it crumble into dust." Mary pleads.

"What about the tenants?" Robert continues to argue. "What about the men and women who've put their trust in us? Is this fair to them? I don't believe so."

"But isn't the most important thing, for them or us, to maintain Downton as a source of employment?" His wife counters.

Robert looks at his wife, betrayed. "So, you're against me, too."

Cora stands. "It seems to me your plan adds up to carrying on as if nothing's changed, to spend Matthew's money keeping up the illusion, then, when we've fallen into a bottomless pit of debt, we'll sell up and go. So, yes, I believe Matthew is right." She argues.

"I see. You seem to be agreed that there's no place for me in all this. So obviously it's time for me to take a back seat." And with that Robert walks out. Emma watches in shock. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

——

"But why London? You've only just got back." Cora asks her daughter. They aren't joined by the Dowager, Rose or Isobel so it's just Robert, Edith, Emma, Matthew, Cora, Tom, Billy and Mary.

"I've had some bad news, that's all." Edith mysteriously explains. Emma frowns at this. What could be wrong?

"What sort of bad news?" Mary asks.

"Never mind. It's not our business." Matthew placates his wife. Then turns to his father-in-law. "How's the cricket team coming along?"

"We're still two short," Robert tells him.

"And you're still determined not to play?" Matthew pointedly says to Tom.

"It's not that I won't play. I can't play. I don't know how." Tom insists.

"Stop twisting his arm. Any news on the move, Tom, Emma? We're going to miss you all so much." Cora interrupts.

"You told Matthew not to twist his arm, now you're doing exactly the same thing." Edith voices.

"I just think children are happier in families. I'm sorry, but I do." Cora defends. Tom sends Emma an exasperated look, which she returns.

——

"I don't know what we can do to bring him round. We need his support." Tom huffs as they get ready for bed. Emma lies in it while Tom paces about.

"You need to remind him of his value," Emma tells him.

"What do you mean?"

"You need to give him something so that it doesn't seem as though he is losing on everything," Emma says. "Show him what he can contribute."

Tom sighs and gets into bed. "I hope that works."

"Of course, it will." Emma rolls her eyes at her husband. "I'm always right."

"You are my darling." Tom wraps an arm around her shoulders and gives her forehead a kiss as she snuggles into his arms.

——

Tom informs Emma the next day that he has been pulled into the cricket match after getting Robert on their side for the changes to be made. He is met with her laughter at it all. He smiles at her, her laughter making him smile.

"Matthew is going to teach me today," Tom informs her. Emma knows she has to watch.

——

Mary and Edith walk down the path leading from the house, following Emma's gleeful step. There's a pep in her step as the plan has worked and Thomas is getting a reference though Robert seems to actually want him to stay on because of the cricket and Mr Carson to establish authority over Jimmy. Still, now it's up to Mr Carson and the others to come up with an idea of what Thomas' position will be. Well, that and the fact her husband, who has never played in his life, is playing cricket today. Mary and Edith both still have no idea what is so urgent that they had to be summoned and to go outside no less.

"You'll both just die when you see!" Emma calls over her shoulder, almost running ahead of them.

"Emma, darling, please don't run. It's hardly ladylike behaviour." Mary scolds her. Emma finds it funny that she herself is the oldest out of the three of them yet Mary is acting like a mother hen to her.

"Really, Mary, running is probably the least of her sins." Edith laughs. Mary glances at Edith, then shakes her head and smiles in acknowledgement. They walk around the house and over to a field, finally coming at last upon the source of Emma's mirth.

Matthew and Tom are standing several metres apart, a makeshift fence put up behind Tom, and a rudimentary cricket pitch scratched out in the grass. Tom is standing awkwardly in front of the wickets, swinging a cricket bat back and forth. He wears his day suit without the jacket and tie and with his shirt sleeves rolled up. He has pads tied around his legs and still wears his dress shoes. Though Emma is hardly an avid fan of the sport, even she can recognise how ridiculous Tom looks missing the proper flannels and shoes.

Matthew is bowling. He also has removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. As bowlers do not wear pads, Matthew looks quite casual and relaxed. He raises the ball above his head and instructs Tom to prepare himself to swing. Matthew bowls the ball lightly towards him. Tom takes a giant heave and misses the ball completely, almost losing his balance in the process as the wickets fell behind him. The three women all place their hands on their mouths to stifle their laughter. The two men are so engrossed in their practice that they do not notice they now have an audience. Emma takes the opportunity to put out the mat she has been carrying and plonks herself onto it. Mary and Edith are more graceful in sitting down.

"Elbow up," Matthew calls out.

"You won't make a gentleman of me, you know," Tom says, picking up the ball and tossing it back to Matthew. "You can teach me to fish, to hunt and to shoot, but I'll still be an Irish Mick in my heart." Mary and Edith roll their eyes playfully at Emma. She blushes and smiles back, completely smug at her husband's comment.

"So, I should hope." Matthew smiles. Emma shakes her head and raises an eyebrow at Mary who rolls her eyes as her husband wounds up to bowl once again.

Matthew throws the ball a bit more gently and Tom is able to drive the ball a fair distance away. "There!" Matthew smiles.

"You're getting the hang of it!" Emma cheers and applauds, surprising both men.

"How long have you been standing there?" Tom asks, slightly put out.

"We just arrived! Oh, darling that was very well done!" Emma goes over and congratulates him as Matthew walks back over with the ball.

"You're all going to sit there? Watching?" Tom asks, his face is aghast at the thought.

"Oh, buck up, darling," Emma replies. "We're all going to be watching the match in any event, so you may as well get used to playing in front of an audience." Matthew and Mary exchange smiles as Tom grudgingly resumes his batting stance.

They watch from the blanket as Tom gives it a few more tries, improving slightly with Matthew's advice. Emma feels sad at the thought of having to move to the other end of the estate and not being around all of them all the time. After several minutes, Matthew looks back up towards the house and smiles. Billy is walking across towards them. He seems to have just arrived from work.

"Well, this is a sight!" He remarks as he walks over.

"He's improved but he still needs work." Mary comments.

"Well, come on then." Billy places his briefcase on the blanket and takes off his jacket before walking back over to the two men. "Let's see it."

Tom winces. "You may want to stand somewhere safer." He suggests.

Billy glances around. "No, I think I'll be perfectly fine here." He replies, looking over at Matthew, who can barely hold back his laughter.

Tom takes several more swings, missing twice, and never coming close to hitting Billy with either the bat or the ball. Billy tells him to square his shoulders a bit more and not bend at the waist as much. He barely makes contact on the next ball before making solid contact three times more.

Emma claps rather eagerly after each contact. "See, Tom? You're getting the hang of it." She cheers.

Mary looks over at them with a smile. "Now he's got to do that in front of everyone and make sure we do not lose."

"Mary, please." Matthew shakes his head with a wry smile. "Do not get him riled up, for all of our sakes."

Edith looks at her brother-in-law with a smile. "Perhaps Billy can give us a taste of his skills?"

"I think I will take a swing or two actually," Billy says nonchalantly. "Watch my legs, Tom. Balance and transfer of weight is the secret to having a good swing."

Emma finds it funny to see Tom so focused as he stares at Billy. "I actually do feel like I have an inkling of what I'm doing now. Maybe it won't turn out so bad." He smiles at her.

"Just don't be too casual about it," Matthew warns. "Robert can be rather competitive in these matches."

"A competitive streak in the Crawley family? Surely you must be joking." Billy replies, drawing laughter from all of them.

Matthew bowls for Billy, who makes a couple of big and strong hits with his bat. He just completes a third just in time for a loud bark to draw their attention. Isis comes bounding down towards them, running straight to Tom's waiting arms. He laughs as the dog licks his face several times before she moves on to Emma.

"Isis! Stop that!" Robert's stern voice calls out as he reaches them. His dog circles back and stands at his feet, wagging her tail affectionately. "Well, well, I'm glad to see we're getting some practice done before the match."

"Of course," Emma says with a mock serious expression. "What else." She gets a few raised eyebrows from everyone but Robert, who doesn't seem to notice the mild sarcasm.

"Very good." He nods, pleased.

——

It's the day of the cricket game. Everyone from the house and Village gathers on the cricket ground. Multiple tents are set up to sit and eat. Emma feels excited about the game despite never having been interested even though her father had an avid fan. She feels tearful thinking about how excited he'd be by all this.

As the game begins to play, Emma chats with Isobel and learns that Ethel has found a place to work near the Bryant's and gets a chance to see Charlie and will no longer be followed by her past.

Matthew seems to get knocked out and has to retreat to the sides where his loving wife gives him a kiss on the cheek. Emma watches her own husband, who watches from the sidelines looking anxious but claps whenever necessary.

Thomas later stands up to bat and seems to do very from what Emma can tell as the ball keeps on flying far away every time he hits it. Everyone cheers and applauds. Robert congratulates him with a handshake as he walks off. Emma goes up to him and gives him a quick squeeze.

——

"It's down to you, Molesley. Last man in. We're in good shape, thanks to Barrow, but we could do with a bonus." Robert says as he walks off. Emma and Mary linger nearby.

"Don't worry about me, Milord. I'll show them a thing or two." Mr Molesley says eagerly though he looks nervous as well.

"That's the spirit."

"Well done, Papa." Mary compliments. She carries an umbrella to give herself shade while Emma simply opts for just her hat. She still finds it odd, after 10 plus years in the past, how important hats are and there are different meanings and everything.

"Well, I did my best. We'll just have to hope it's enough." Robert concedes.

"Gemma and Anna say we are to expect great things of Mr Molesley," Emma says to them but is unsure of the truth of it as she watches a shaky Mr Molesley take his position.

"Oh."

Emma is right to be concerned as the ball is bowled and Mr Molesley fails to hit it and ends up hitting the stump behind him.

The umpire cries, "Out!"

"Aw!" The crowd voice.

"As usual, our expectations are disappointed," Robert complains. He turns to everyone and calls, "Let's have some tea."

——

Emma eats the food she had gathered on a plate as Rosamund and Edith talk next to her.

"I think he must have played somewhere..." Edith is saying this before they're interrupted by an angry Rose.

"Who gave me away?" Rose demands of them. She turns on Edith. "Was it you?"

"Certainly not." Edith retorts.

Emma frowns. "What's going on?"

"Well, if you supposedly don't know, I'm being sent north tomorrow, with a monster for a jailer!" Rose cries out before storming off. The three women stare after her in confusion.

"Well, what did she expect?" The Dowager says. "Carrying on with a married man as if her home were in a tree." Edith and Emma turn to the elder woman in surprise.

"Granny, who told you?" Edith exclaims. The Dowager looks directly at Rosamund.

Emma turns on the woman accusingly. "How could you have done that, after you promised?"

"But Mama said Edith told her. I just filled in the details." Rosamund defends.

"I never said a word," Edith says.

Rosamund turns on her mother. "Have you tricked me, Mama?"

"Tricked? I am not a conjurer. I only did what was necessary to preserve the honour of the family." The Dowager remarks and walks away.

"In other words, you tricked me." Her daughter retorts.

——

Mr Carson has earlier informed Robert and Emma that Thomas will be given the position of under butler so that he can stay at Downton. Now it is up to Emma and Robert to placate Jimmy.

"James." Robert greets the footman, who stands up from the bench he is sitting at in one of the canopies, having his tea and cake. "You put up a very good show out there. Well done."

"Thank you, Milord." Jimmy accepts the compliment snuggly, which irritates Emma slightly.

"As a matter of fact," Robert continues, "I wanted to thank you for your generosity with Barrow. Letting him stay on shows a real largeness of spirit."

"Stay on? Mr Barrow's staying on?" Jimmy blurts out, letting go of the formal show.

"As under butler. I was given the impression you'd allowed it." Robert says innocently. Emma tries not to laugh at that.

"I allowed him to have a decent reference for when he left." Jimmy corrects.

"But you won't mind too much, will you?" Emma asks pointedly but also with some naivety at why he would be upset. "As we also just wanted to say congratulations on your appointment as first footman."

"What?!" Mr Carson exclaims.

"Thank you, Ma'am, Milord. Very much."

Emma tries not to laugh at the glare Mr Carson sends in her and Robert's direction as they leave.

——

Emma spots Gemma and walks over to her.

"You know if I was more unbothered about what people thought, I'd get more of the cake," Emma remarks.

Gemma laughs. "I doubt that would stop you. Maybe you're thinking of others?"

Emma rolls her eyes before moving on. "You know, after all these years I still don't understand this game."

"Neither do I." Gemma agrees. "But we can't let the men know that as they think they're impressing us."

Emma snorts. "Please, Tom knows I don't understand and he doesn't need to try to impress me." She raises her eyebrows up suggestively.

Gemma screws her nose up in mock disgust. "Ew."

——

Two serious men in suits approach Emma, Robert and Mr Carson a short while later. Emma has Ivy in a pram in front of her and is rocking it back and forth.

"Lord Grantham, I believe?" The moustache one greets.

"The same."

"We're looking for a Mr Alfred Nugent, Milord." 

"And you are?" Robert questions.

"Inspector Stanford and Sergeant Brand, York Police." Stanford introduces as he and Brand take off their hats.

"Surely Alfred hasn't gotten in trouble with the Police, that's not possible," Emma comments with a frown. She doesn't dare think of the other reason why Alfred would be involved with the Police.

"He's made a complaint concerning a Mr Thomas Barrow making an assault of a criminal nature on another of Lord Grantham's employees, Ma’am," Stanford explains. Emma tries to not show the dread and terror she feels at those words.

"That is a very serious allegation," Robert says calmly. Emma is amazed at his ability to act as if he doesn't know what's going on.

"It is, Milord. Serious enough to bring us here to interrupt your cricket match." Stanford agrees. "If you'd like to point out the young gentleman?"

"He's over..." Mr Carson begins to say.

"I'll fetch him." Robert interrupts, walking away.

"We'll go and..." Stanford and his colleague try to walk forward but Emma and Mr Carson block them.

"I think it's better if you leave it to his Lordship. I'm sure he can get to the bottom of it." Mr Carson says. Emma agrees. If she had gone, she'd have throttled Alfred.

——

Robert returns with a forlorn Alfred.

"Just as I thought. There's been a mix-up. Alfred here witnessed some roughhousing between two of the staff and misinterpreted it." Robert says to Stanford and Brand.

"But why did you make the telephone call without checking your facts?" Stanford asks Alfred. Emma stares at the footman imploringly as he struggles with what to say.

"I'm very much afraid to say he was a bit squiffy, weren't you, Alfred?" Robert quickly explains.

"I made the call before I knew what I were doing. I'd been at the cider." Alfred elaborates.

"You'd what?!" Mr Carson exclaims in shock.

"Oh, I think we can overlook it this once. Don't you, Mr Carson?" Emma says pointedly. The butler grumbles but calms as he seems to realise what they are doing.

"So, you see, I'm afraid there's really nothing to investigate. I am terribly sorry to have wasted your time. Would you care to have some tea?" Robert offers amiably.

"No, thank you, Lord Grantham. I think we've got the measure of it. Good luck with your match." The Police make their exit.

——

Emma sits near the other women in their tent, cradling Ivy in her arms when her husband sits down in the chair next to her. Mary is cradling her niece and goddaughter in her lap with Matthew lovingly watching them.

"I need to talk to you." She states.

"So do I." He speaks. "You go first."

"I don't know if living away from Downton is our best idea," Emma reveals. "I want our child to grow up with other kids. We could move once she's older?"

"That's why I wanted to talk to you. Seeing Mary with Sybbie made me rethink everything." Tom admits. "So, we're staying at Downton?"

"If they'll have us."

She looks over to Billy, who is crouched down by Mary, who is still holding Sybbie. She smiles at the sight. She wants her daughter to experience the same amount of love.

——

The break is nearly over when Emma makes her way over to Thomas. She pushes the pram containing Ivy over to him.

"So, we're not rid of you then?" Emma remarks with a smile.

"Seems so." Thomas looks at her softly. "Thank you."

Emma smirks. "I don't suppose you're going to say thank you to Mr Bates?"

Thomas snorts and shakes his head. "I don't think he wants me to. I was supposed to be leaving yet I'm still here."

"True." There's a lull before she speaks again. "Tom and I aren't going to move to the agent's home after all." She tells him.

"No?" She shakes her head. "Well, I'm glad." He looks down to Ivy, who's gazing intently at him. "So, I'll be seeing more of you little one." He strokes her cheek and she smiles and gurgles at him.

"Right gentlemen. Time's up." Dr Clarkson calls.

"Well, that's me then," Thomas says. "Wish me luck?"

Emma rolls her eyes. "You don't need it. And while he isn't doing as bad as we thought, I think my husband needs it more."

Thomas chuckles and runs off to play.

"Matthew, hurry up! You're keeping everyone waiting." Robert calls to Matthew who seems quite distracted by his wife.

Eventually, all the men gather to play and everyone's watching intently as Mr Cotton from the bakery shop takes to bat and hits the ball successfully.

"Catch it!" Mr Molesley calls as it flies over his head

Emma watches anxiously when she realises it's heading towards her husband.

Tom is successful in catching it and everyone cheers. Emma leaps up beaming as she claps for her husband, who receives a congratulatory handshake from Robert and has Matthew and Billy grin and slap him on the back. After all the turmoil they have been through, the future seems bright.

——

A/N: Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

[s-a-d-journal]

September 15, 638

(TW // Death, Spousal Death.)

I forgot to update yesterday. But a lot has been happening. Today, however, was absolute fucking hell.

I found Skyler by the Shady Lady and we hung out for a bit, talking about our tattoos and just chilling. Then Baxtyr and Smokey showed up, which was cool. Love those guys. And, obviously, where Baxtyr is, Cellicity is soon to follow, which I'll never complain about.

But then my dumbass decided to climb up onto the awning, and when I tried to get back down, I slipped and busted my head open on the stone. Everything was fuzzy for a while, but I think I'm okay. My ears are ringing really badly, though.

While I was trying to recover, these Westfall hicks showed up and said some shit, before walking away. I zoned out, and by the time I returned to reality, everyone had abandoned me. :(

I found them again, and we were about to go look for those hicks, but they found us first. Only three of them, two of them were barking and one seemed all scared and shy like. Of course, us being us, we started a fight with them. (By us, I mean Baxtyr and Smokey whaled on them.)

It did seem more like we were just bullying them because we had a knight and what I can only assume to be a really cool pirate on our side, and we literally never lose fights, so I really don't know why these bitches keep testing us.

Baxtyr flattened 'Boss', Smokey laid the other guy out. The shy one I mentioned earlier? I pulled him out of combat, set him on a crate, and tried talking to him. He wasn't listening very well though, fuckers manipulated the poor thing so badly that he seemed more like a shell of a kid not knowing better. I can relate to that more than I want to admit.

At this point on the page, wet dots seemed to gather in clusters, indicating that the author had been crying.

I tried to hold him back. I really did. The people he dedicated himself to, his friends, his allies, his people-. They stabbed him to death. Right there. And then ran like cowards.

That could've been me once upon a time. His name was Jonny, that's all I know. I don't even know if he had a mum or a pop waiting for him, or siblings that needed his help. All I could do was cry and bring his body to the Cathedral to be buried.

I wish I could've done more for the kid.

I will kill every last one of them.

'Til next time,

S.A.D:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sybil sighed, her eyes glossy from what felt like hours of crying. How long had it been since she last felt so much remorse over a death? The only time she could recall was when her husband died a little over a year ago.

A mismatched gaze lifted from the pages of her journal, a pained countenance illuminated by dim candlelight with a stare that pierced through the glass of her bedroom window. She was distraught, and stressed, a feeling not so unfamiliar to her in recent years.

She used her palms to wipe the tears from her eyes and stood, a hand reaching out to close the curtains, concealing her from the outside world. Her feet dragged in protest as she took slow steps toward her bed, flesh-bound fingers curling around her mechanical arm, pulling it free from the magical clasp that held it.

The Gilnean stared off silently, though her routine was not lost to her. She set the arm on the protective display, shutting it tight and locking it.

The words of her friends still echoed in her mind, one in particular calling for her attention. "Sybil, you have a whole child. Calm down!" The voice taunted, the sound grating against her brain. "Go home and take care of your child instead of dreaming about killing two homeless men."

She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, shaking her head as a way to dismiss the annoyance. Hell, Syb. Why can't you ever admit she's right? You know she is.

Her jaw set and she crawled into her bed, rolling onto her back with another heavy sigh. Her eyes settled on the painted ceiling of the room, a hand moving to position over her head while the other traced idle lines of the various burn scars tattering her torso.

She didn't know it, but she was in for a long night of terrors.

//END\\

[kiss-my-freckle]

My Analysis of Ghost World, 3x7

There are several things to pay attention to in this episode as they do a ship shift from Stelena to Delena. The vervain necklace is one of them. It's stored in Damon's bedroom because, just as it was Elena's necklace for Stelena, it's Damon's necklace for Delena. The original still sits in the Pictionary section of the Lockwood tunnel. The 1994 prison world necklace sits at Stefan's grave.

With the understanding that the necklace itself is a girl's necklace, one still has to imagine Damon wearing it to understand Sybil's comment in 8x9. Damon slipped her collar because Caroline gave him Elena's collar... that vervain necklace.

Stelena crossed the line from romance to friendship in 3x5, which gave her reason to lay it down. I'm saying that Stefan and Elena are just friends in Ghost World. Elena loves him, but she's not in love with him. The necklace is proven unbreakable once they show this ship shift. A necklace for the Stelena friendship and a necklace for the Delena romance. That's why they end up with two vervain necklaces like two Ms. Cuddles and two cures for vampirism.

Do not underestimate the purpose of Damon's brick wall as it shows the reality of Delena. Do not underestimate the purpose of Stefan's cell as it shows the reality of Stelena.

Delena

The brick wall is extremely important as it pertains to Delena. It's their way of saying it's always gonna be Damon for Elena. There is no door here, it's simply a doorway because it's ALWAYS for her. This is where season 6 comes in. Whether human or vampire, Elena IS Damon's girlfriend. That's what this brick doorway represents.

You basically have to view Damon in Mason's shoes and Elena in Damon's. That's why she tells Matt she's "stuck" in 3x11. It's not about Damon vs Stefan, it's about her fear. Thus, the vampire seal in the Lockwood tunnel. Elena becomes a vampire first in her sacrifice for love, Damon becomes human later in his sacrifice for love. Both their sacrifices for love being leaps of faith. That's why Elena goes off the bridge, then ends up sired to Damon. The sire bond is like faith, and the leap off the bridge is her leap of faith in love. Again in season 6 as they leap off the clock tower.

Stelena

For Stefan, what you're given is a parallel to Ghost World and Memorial. Ghost world is where the Japanese lanterns were first introduced in their lighting ceremony. The idea of letting go of the past. That's the very purpose of the door on Stefan's cell. Their romance is in the past. Whether she inside the cell or outside the cell, the door exists because it's no longer "always Stefan" for her. They're just friends.

Thus, you get Rebekah's compulsion in 4x10. She loves Stefan, so she'll try to help him get his humanity back. Not in love with him, so she's going home... to literally live her life with Damon. He is now her home.

Like the vervain necklace, their doors say it all.

Stelena - Right now Delena - Always

You can see what will happen to Elena when she drives back to Stefan. "I can't think about always. Al I can think about is right now." She's gonna become a vampire, thus, not be able to get past the vampire seal in Ghost World. Mason and Lexi represent Ghost Elena. Damon's blood in her system, Stefan letting her die.

[cascader]

dust on the counter

for @jilytoberfest's prompt 21: "We'll be alright." Order!Jily, canon divergence. rated g. read below, or on ao3 with my other jilytober fics.

________

“Lily…”

“He’s going to find out, James.”

“We don’t know that for certain.”

“We do. Have any of us ever been able to hide anything from him? During school, or with the Order?”

“The stakes are higher now. We’ll be smarter.”

“He’s a Legilimens, James. One of the very best there ever was. As soon as we’re alone with him, he’ll know.”

“He doesn’t know there’s anything to know. He won’t be looking.” 

“Do you honestly believe he fully trusts any of us? After the ambush at Portree, after the Prewetts? I might even be disappointed if he wasn’t probing us all as often as he could.”

“He isn’t. He wouldn’t do that. He recruited us, he trained us. He’s known us since we were eleven. He’s practically family.”

“James, at the very least, he’s going to be able to tell I’m pregnant. Soon enough, that’ll take only a passing glance, not Legilimency.”

“But that doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know about the prophecy. If anything, he’ll just bench us earlier than I ever would’ve been able to persuade you to on my own.”

“The prophecy getting back to him is only a matter of time. He’s much closer with Sybil than we are. We just got lucky. We won’t get lucky again. We have to fight for ourselves.”

“Lily, even if he does… would that really be so bad? Even with my family vault, he’s got connections we can’t imagine. He could keep us safe.”

“We can keep ourselves safe. We need to keep our baby safe. The war is the most important thing to Dumbledore, James. Not our family. I…I would sacrifice myself for this war. I really would. I would not sacrifice this family.”

“Lily…”

“You know I’m right. You don’t even agree with what you’re saying. You started putting our things in order and converting money from the vault before I even asked. I think you’re looking for an alternative, darling, because this is the last moment we can turn back. But we can’t. There isn’t an alternative.”

“I know. I do know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“James, darling…”

“I… I don’t mean to make this harder. I can’t help it. I kept hoping something would change. That it would never come to this, even as we were planning for it.”

“I know, love.”

“I… I wish we could tell Sirius. I wish we could tell Remus and Peter. The world feels a lot smaller than it used to, doesn’t it? Than it used to even a year ago. The whole world has two-and-a-bit people in it now.”

Lily takes a shuddering breath and skims her thumb across his cheekbone. “I know, darling. Are you ready?”

James breaks his gaze from his wife’s to survey the cramped flat they’ve called home for almost three years now. It looks the same as it usually does, by design. Shoes left haphazardly by the door, dust collecting on the kitchen table and counters, the rubbish bin half full. Their bed is unmade and their closet is mostly full. Framed photos line the walls, a mix of Muggle and magic. Their loo has two toothbrushes in it and no pregnancy tests. On the dresser in their bedroom are two tickets for a film the following week and a note from Lily to James reminding him to pick up more milk. On their Gryffindor-red couch lies James’s favorite jumper, an old Puddlemere one, and Lily’s copy of Persuasion.

James adjusts the strap of the bag on his back, and then the frame of his glasses. He clutches his wand tightly in one hand and takes his wife’s in the other. 

He looks back at Lily, and there are tears shining in her lovely green eyes. He kisses her on the forehead and feels a tear of his own drip down his cheek and onto hers. 

“We’ll be alright,” Lily says. Her voice catches, then breaks. “We’ll be just fine.”

James drops her hand to clutch her tightly around the middle, and he feels her do the same.

“I’m ready,” James whispers.

Lily sobs, and then she turns on her heel.

[idoloveouradventures]

A New Era One-shot

After the Dowager’s funeral, I imagine our Earl and Countess were rather exhausted. But rest seems to bring unanswered questions and fears to light. Definitely spoilers below the cut! 

He wondered if she ached like this: if her pain wasn’t merely physical, clawing at her insides, but a deep throbbing like his own. He was curious to know, but would never speak of it, if her knees had nearly failed her when she finally self-diagnosed her symptoms. Had she cried alone in that moment? Had he been nearby, in the next room even, oblivious to the suffering right under his nose? And just how much had she suffered without him there? In the past week, she had allowed him (at his earnest persuasion) to witness her “spells,” as he had come to think of them. There was an overall fatigue that kept one of his eyes glued to her at all times for fear she might collapse without notice. Though her countenance never faltered when in the company of others. Especially the girls. But in the silence of the morning, before Baxter had been summoned, he would awake to Cora’s nausea prying her from their bed.

Still fresh in his mind’s eye, on the eve of both his mother’s death and Cora’s renewal of life, he had followed her into the washroom that morning. Heaving almost nothing, for her appetite had fled long ago, Robert watched as she steadied herself at the sink. He kept his eyes on her hair since tracing the lines of her face would have caused him to vomit right along with her. As if moving through molasses, he willed himself forward and his hand met her shoulder blade. But the contact was short lived as she gestured for a nearby towel. She pressed it to her mouth after he retrieved it and, once she’d removed it, a tremor shot through his spine. The discoloration didn’t seem to overwhelm her and he was faced with the realization that this had happened before. She had been refusing his kisses; had she feared her lips would taste of metal? All he could do was repeat his previous action. Palm on shoulder blade. Slow circles. Slow breaths. He felt her settle underneath his touch.

And then sometimes it was as if she was burning alive. All at once, entirely too hot to lay against anything as soft as the sheets. He would feel the void beside him and rise immediately.

One particular night found Cora perched on the open window begging the wind to relieve the fire under her skin.

“Cora? Are you alright?” She shadow across the room could not be anyone else.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she lied; and it stings him.

After illuminating the bedroom, her condition is put on display. He eyes the damp curls she had brushed away from her forehead and the slightly-more-prominent bones poking through her nightgown. She wasn’t acknowledging the lamplight’s presence, but she spoke into the night air.

“I was just remembering that day I came up to change for tea and found Sybil in tears because Mary was forcing Edith to throw her stuffed rabbit out this window.”

“Edith had lost a game or something.” If he had not swallowed the threatening bile in his throat, he would not have been able to respond.

“And they’d escaped nanny,” she replied, in case this detail would aid the memory to continue it’s visit.

He sees her smile and his face contorts in the opposite direction.

“You are a wonderful mother.” He says it before his brain can understand why his heart proclaimed this endearment.

He hears her chuckle before asking, “So all those battles with Mama paid off, then?”

But his tears have already made an appearance, against his best intentions. She has turned to him by now and is already on her feet.

“Oh, darling. What have I said?” He releases a breath as her body is swiftly wrapped in his arms. He doesn’t sob into her hair or even make a sound. He knows that she is well aware he just needs to hold her. And she needs to be held.

“No, nothing. It’s nothing,” he manages, all the while holding her tighter.

“I promise I won’t fall to pieces every time I look at you.” He grasps at levity, but it doesn’t hold.

“I can’t stop thinking about what you said at the hospital. And I hope to God it’s true.” Before he’s taken another breath, Cora rises from his chest.

“I won’t have your misplaced guilt, Robert. I made my choice. You know you’re my…” She shakes her head in lieu of finishing her sentence. The words “my whole life” sticky on her tongue.

“I won’t have the pity,” she finishes.

Perhaps even more raw than finding her perspiring, the pain was what Robert truly loathed. The previous night was added to the slew of tumultuous memories that would plague Robert’s dreams for days on end.

He had entered their room to a grimacing Cora nestled under the sheets, though her fingers actively kneaded her stomach. He had stood in the doorway and exhaled before crossing to his side of the bed. He asked her if she was hurting and received a nod in confirmation.

“Pressure helps a bit,” she hadn’t opened her eyes or stilled her movement.

“Do you want me to try?” He had offered, fingers tingling to be of use.

“Would you?” Her eyes had pleaded for any relief he could offer.

“Of course,” his hand had hovered over her own. “Show me where.”

All of these instances compiled to make sleeping almost nonexistent for his poor wife, only fueling her exhaustion. He pondered this as he reclined, fully clothed minus his jacket, on their bed. Upon returning from the cemetery, rest seemed like the most rational decision. Guests had been seen to, condolences doled out, and he felt as if his muscles could not hold him upright much longer. And if he was feeling weary, he figured Cora must have been ready to pass out.

So, here he was. Staring up at the canopy above, too tired to close his eyes, and running through question after question in his brain. She breathed atop him, head on his chest and hand over his heart. He thought about her heavy sigh as she removed her hat not a quarter of an hour ago. And the hiss that followed as she had removed her shoes.

He had been sobered by the news of her anemia, forgetting himself and reaching to feel her solid, alive body. Not caring that an embarrassed Dr. Clarkson stood before them, watching Robert kiss his wife. But celebration was short lived. And today had been the culmination.

A beautiful service fit not only for a Countess, but a mother and grandmother. Two titles that Cora could also claim. And a more terrifying thought had never crossed Robert’s mind. Knowing they would be next, at least if the world progressed in a normal order, and this day would be repeated for the both of them.

“I can’t do it, Cora.” His words were lost in a strangled swallow, but she deciphered them.

“Do what, darling?” He could hear, if not sense, that her eyes were closed and he debated elaborating.

Should it be said? Should he voice his worst fear that he had experienced nearly every night after falling asleep? He drifted a hand up her spine and felt each vertebrae protest. He wasn’t the one in pain. He didn’t have to contend with nausea or sudden bouts of heat. But he wasn’t going to let her succumb either. She would get stronger as the days went on, he was sure of it. Yet just how long would her strength last? Or his own?

“Follow your coffin.” Achieving an effect he had certainly not wanted, he pressed his teeth together and shut his eyes before any more tears could escape. The slight scratching of her nails against his shirt was not bolstering his resolve.

“Please let me go first.” He uttered, whispered, pleaded, and felt her press up to look at him.

“You think it would be any easier for me?” Her frown lacked accusation, though, and sincerity swept her eyes.

“Together, then.” It was irrational, of course, but he needed it spoken into existence.

“Alright.” Her’s was equally as irrational, but reassured him nonetheless.

“But thank God we have time,” he breathed, “Whatever you need, whatever must be done, I will be by your side.”

She was on the verge of sleep now, yet Robert felt himself being squeezed a bit tighter as he looked back up to the canopy, truly thanking God.

[ohtobealady]

Ok I’ve finally decided which ones I want. Headcanon 8 for Robert and 19 for Cora.

Eeee! Thank you, my friend! Xoxox

(This gif has nothing to do with shopping, but I love Robert nibbling a cold chicken leg happy as you like.)

8 - Robert & Shopping

This may be the funniest thing I���ve had to imagine in a while.

First of all, Robert doesn’t shop. He can probably count on one hand the number of times he’s been inside of a store. He WILL at Cora’s persistence or occasionally on holidays, but he’d rather not.

His clothes are tailor-made, and he goes to the tailor he’s always gone to in Thirsk for that.

His guns and saddles and wines and books all seemingly come to him thanks to people he employs (and Cora).

But he has shopped alone before. He’s gone inside a London jewelry store for his lovely Cora several times, though as he grew older learned he could have a selection sent from the store to Grantham House (if he was alone) or Rosamund’s house (if Cora was in London) for him to choose from. This was a far more proficient process; he always wanted to get Cora everything he saw for “oh, but this would look quite nice on her, too.” At least when the jeweler brings just a small selection, it’s no big harm done if he chooses more than one piece. (He likes to buy her pearls. Oh! and “those dangling type” earrings — he’s rather proud of the opal and mother of pearl ones he got her after the whole Bricker fiasco.)

He’s also gone into Hamley’s a few times on his own to buy his young daughters’ gifts, most notably a soft, stuffed tabby kitten for his three-and-a-half year old Sybil, a rosy-cheeked curly-haired doll for his newly seven-year-old Edith, and a little stuffed dog for his newly eight-year-old Mary. He gave them to the girls the night before he went off to the Second Boer War. (Cora had to leave the nursery before she cried.)

19 - Jokes & Cora

Cora has a better sense of humor than people think. She loves teasing, especially Robert…because he is pretty easy to tease. She loathes practical jokes for she hates to feel stupid and thinks they can be a little rude.

She naturally has a rather naughty sense of humor, and once told Robert a rather dirty joke that scarred him for life: They’d been at one of Lady Warwick’s parties the week before (where they were scandalized lol ahem @modernamericangirl ‘s clever headcanon I’ve adopted) and in the quiet of their bedroom Robert observed that it was “likely quite hard for Lady Warwick to organize such a thing.” Cora snorted, “I suspect Lady Warwick likes things that are quite hard.” In spite of being married over fifteen years at that point, Robert could not believe her. He went beet red, mumbled something about him not understanding how she knew about such things, and then shook his head dismissively when, laughing, Cora said it was only a joke. “I’d never say anything like that outside this room.” She never again said anything like that inside that room, either. He couldn’t handle it. (Now, that isn’t to say he doesn’t appreciate read: throughly enjoy a wicked little tease from her when the mood is right, just not an outright vulgar joke. Too much, even if he thinks it rather clever.)

[greenandhazy]

there was a post recently about Thomas and Guy living a simpler life and that + some of my own life happenings is making me think about... homemaking and the mindset around it.

and how there was such a distinct hierarchy even within service--how firmly the line was drawn between "men's" and "women's" tasks and the prestige accorded to butlers and footmen but denied to housekeepers and maids. and thinking about Thomas gradually unlearning that--or even moreso, deciding that it just doesn't apply to him anymore? he's in a new place with new rules and Guy has enough "fuck you" money that if anyone sneers at him(/them) they just get to fuck off.

anyway it starts slowly. a friendship with the cook, the only servant Guy has who is in the house virtually every day, and Thomas used to help out Mrs. Patmore on especially frantic occasions but slowly he starts to help out Hollywood Cook every day, because most occupation he has these days is chosen rather than assigned so why not? It's really quite meditative to sit at the table and pit cherries or snap string beans for a while, with the wireless going in the background. eventually he takes an interest in the more complicated things. he's really frustrated the first time he bakes a cake and totally fucks it up--it was meant to be a surprise for Guy--but the cook is patient, and grudgingly Thomas can smile and tell her about Sybil cracking him up with her own cooking woes when they worked at the hospital together.

usually on the cook's days off they go out to eat (which they do frequently anyway), but eventually Thomas declares he's going to cook, and Guy is supportive and fond, and helps him out because hey, he was a middle-class bachelor living alone for many years, he can do this, too. it becomes something they do together, more and more, whether the cook is there or not, and eventually she retires and they don't replace her.

as for cleaning--well, maybe it isn't fun and appealing the same way. maybe it also starts with just having a chat with the maid service. or maybe it starts on a day when Thomas is home and completely alone--cook's day off, maid's not scheduled, Guy is meeting a friend for lunch and they won't see each other until dinner. and he's getting used to the fact that this is his home, too, and he can do whatever he wants with it, and he has a responsibility to it that's all his own. he decides to reorganize the library, or the closets, or move around some furniture/knickknacks in the sitting room, and of course it becomes a disaster because all projects like that are disasters at some stage, and when he finally has it under control he has to do some real cleaning around it, too.

or one day he tries a kitchen experiment that goes horribly, horribly wrong and needs to clean up the evidence so the cook will never know (Guy gets recruited to help). and then he's doing little maintenance cleaning more often, because the house feels like his and it's good for staying busy, and when the Depression hits and ticket sales slump a bit they can cut back on how often the maid comes, and again it becomes something they do together.

Guy feels more at home, too, because it's been a very weird adjustment to find himself, at age ~40, the kind of person who has servants clean his giant house. there are particular chores he loves taking on because acts of service is a thing, and increasingly they relish the privacy they have, the smaller the house feels when it's not a Mansion tended by Staff, and eventually Guy eases into retirement and they downsize to a place that can host friends, sure, but doesn't have four extra public rooms and five extra bedrooms to maintain.

it's a home. it's their home. they're taking care of it, and each other, and that's what matters.

(partly inspired by the fact that I had to go to wikipedia to confirm the spelling of George Merrill's name and learned that on top of cleaning and cooking he always made sure there were flowers in every room and I'm 🥺 . relationship goals tbh. although I've always headcanoned Guy as the "brings home flowers" guy, idk what specific thing Thomas would do....)