#i can just chill when I'm alone
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Boy I really don't belong into this group of people
#definitely not good enough at school for them#not unwell enough for them either because I don't really enjoy humor that's not based on depression and#idk#listening to people whine about how miserable they are#i don't careeeeee about stupid prizes or xour stupid ex or your stupid grades#I'm just really not cut out for this specific group of persons#probably#they're all in the same major too and I'm the only one thats not in it#sigh. why am I even here#thats why i love being alone I don't have to feel like this when I'm alone#i can just chill when I'm alone
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jaykyle au where they're theatre kids in the same school but they're not the actors jason's the scriptwriter/director and kyle is the prop manager (i don't know the official terms sorry) and they'd probably do an amazing job on the backstage setting if they could stop arguing for 5 whole seconds about their artistic visions and ideas and how "this would obviously work better this way"
#jason todd#kyle rayner#jaykyle#mypost#dc thoughts#vp of the club: maybe we should find some other people to do the job if they can't get along?#pres of the club: no they're both talented af and i want this to be raving success just knock their heads tgt and tell them to play nice or#i'll make them wear the get along shirt again#WAIT ONE SEC DONNA'S THE PRES and overseer she's pissed bcos kyle played the same role last year and he was chill then#wally's vp no 1 and backstage manager and he's thinking of kicking kyle out#dick's vp no 2 and main lead and he's thinking of kicking jason out bcos it's embarrassing and annoying to work with your younger siblings#kon helps kyle with props and bart is one of the actors and kon is jealous af about it he grumbles a little#roy is the fight scene choreographer#i'm trying to think of something for garth but the only thing that comes to mind i'm not sure are fitting enough#actor manager? weapon manager? oooh maybe pet manager if they have animals... human and pet manager???? hr department but including animals#ooooh maybe pet manager if they have animals#raven can play bart's love interest (in play) maybe (wally doesn't like it and neither does gar for very different reasons)#eddie deals with the contraptions they build for this bubble machines smoke machines lowering and raising anything mechanical#rose and cass helps with the weapons stuff they keep fighting too and roy is TIRED#connor plays the villain he didn't mean to or want to but he got dragged into it and he's really hot and gunned in for next years main lead#he doesnt want this#steph and mia are hair makeup costume department but bart and kon love to hangout and help too#jennie-lynn and bart are in-charge of socials#tim pops up a lot because so many of his friends (and brothers) are here and when he does he helps steph and mia#damian too pops up to help with pet management and sometimes prop art#this is much to dicks annoyance jason is already here can his little brothers LEAVE HIM ALONE SOMETIMES UGH#damian (taking cues from talia and bruce loverenemies dynamic and wanting an artist in-law): we should set jason and kyle up#dick: no / tim: hmm / dick: NO#i want to add the yj girls (cassie cissie greta anita) but i know too little about them right now but imagine they're there and the roles#are to be determined
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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I am getting baby rats next week.....
#they'll be ready by the 24th 🥺#even tho I still have four old ladies... I think its actually good to have more when I get new babies#so that they can get used to and like each other before the last one of the older group is alone#I'm about to have SO many rats#but 4 of them will be old ladies who just chill and eat kale#and the rest will be crazy for like 30 minutes a day and then sleeping the rest of the time 😭#ghost posts#text
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#dark#night#forest#trees#photography#my photo#just had a little forest adventure#also I'm working on a new piano cover to show you. should I try to film it instead of just doing an audio recording this time?#can't promise it'd work but I can try#oh man I've felt off all day but when I can chill in the dark forest alone and breathe fresh air. everything feels normal again
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neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"
#yesterday i was At Work#i opened alone (we are so fucking understaffed)#at like 945 (coworker came in at 10) these two women-#who until now have done NOTHING managery. they have walked around and talked to each other and asked questions#come up and in a pissy voice like um why hasn't group started#i say i'm the only one back here#'well can't you start ONE group?'#no...im the only one back here#'can you start individuals?' yeah i'll ask [host lead]#(annoyed voice) 'um why do you have to ask her?' because i'm not a lead so she's in charge?#(angry voice) well WE are GENERAL MANAGERS and we are TELLING YOU to do SOMETHING like START INDIVIDUALS#like. chill i am literally just some guy and i am the only guy back here#i also feel its worth noting that apparently since they caught me in the hallway they assumed i hadn't been doing anything#when in reality i hadnt sat down since i got to work. all i did was doing things. there is more to my job than Watch Dogs. especially when#im the only guy doing any of the anything#and i couldnt start individuals immediately because i had to do spot cleans. because i prioritized Not Letting Dogs Sit In Their Own Shit#before dog getting some playtime#like. yes i am a Lower Level Employee. yes i havent worked here that long. but i have worked here longer than you#and im gonna take a wild guess that i care about the dogs more than you#also worth noting that i got no breaks that day (if you work a 6+ hour shift you get a 30 and a 15 at my work)#so i sat down for a total of 5 minutes and that was to take a piss#for context. i worked 7 hours. 6:15am to 1:15pm.#so i have a Bad Feeling about these new general managers. really hope im wrong and this is a one-off thing but. ohhhhh boy
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you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.
#zanna talks#i cant like word it good yet#but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever#that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath.#like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose.#but you left us alone. you left ME alone.#YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt.#and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know#i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving#you cannot change my mind on this#not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see#the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know#anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb#putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill#let me have my little ideas. let me be.#like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then#they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up#meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now#YKNOW.
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Sometimes you just have to think about tween you and cry it out
#idk. i wanna sit down with her and tell her about how nice we're doing#i. she? she genuinely needed smth like that i think#and the way she rawdogged it all . no therapy no confidants no vent posts or art.#took it all like a champ. she shouldn't have had to but she did and i'm proud of her (tho saying i'm proud of myself feels weird#when i think about the fact that i was. just a child. i feel like i handled it about as well as i could have)#it's certainly weird but i think she would have liked to know that like#i can think of it without triggering an entire episode#and that i can sleep through the night and i don't have to exhaust myself to the point of passing out to sleep#it's chill now. i'm happy and thankful for that but my heart aches just a little bit#it almost feels like that little child me was terribly wronged#i dealt with it very well but why did i have to deal with it alone - type wronged#even though i begged my mother to get me help and everything#and when i got sent to be evaluated i hoped i could steer the convo to that area but#just got told i'm emotionally empty and had anger issues
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it simply doesn't feel weird or bad when you have a genuinely good relationship with someone. you also do spend time apart doing your own thing, but outside of that convenience when you have a healthy relationship it's very comfortable and there's no excess energy required. it sort of ceases to be "someone inside your house" because the relationship becomes a singular mode of comfort and extreme relaxation. together you become a unit, and it recharges rather than drains you.
it's so hard to gaf about anyone romantically. truly what if you get home from work tired and there's someone inside your house. i feel like id get mad sometimes and it'd not be their fault. anyways im going to start a new book
#as much as people like to think they're outside the box of western society this unfortunately shows#just how much people's perceptions of relationships are due to perceiving#the sheer excess of people who are in relationships that just sort of suck. a healthy relationship doesn't feel draining or intrusive#and i'm not saying anyone HAS to have one. people are aro and/or ace and that's fine#but i mean the fact that ever prevalent 'i hate my wife/husband' culture has made people think#that a relationship in which you live together sucks is like. just really sad.#a good relationship doesn't feel annoying when you come home to your partner. it just doesn't. even on bad days.#and when you have bad/tired days you just can be like 'man i'm tired i think i need some alone time' and your partner is like 'that's fine'#maybe they even offer to bring you food but let you just chill#a good relationship simply does not feel gross or bad or annoying#i can attest to that after a nearly 7 year long relationship
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the only thing about this romance that I really dislike at this point is xh insisting on still calling xff his pawn. like she clearly knows he's being sarcastic because she'll always laugh fondly, but EYE would not. I need love interests to be honest 😭 calling someone a pawn in their game of chess is kind of dickish esp when he holds so so much power
#also when he was like yeah I'm just going to have men following you at all times. that's insane#but given what happened I can see her being like damn thank god I have a private bodyguard force whenever I need one#I ALSO thought it was weird that he didn't give her privacy when she took a nap but given how chill she was with it ig that's fine?#but that's really not something I could see her being comfortable with even 10 episodes ago. she's been SO careful about her public image#and her reputation that I was surprised she's even meeting with him alone and eating dinner w him in private#aren't people talking???#but ig it goes to show how comfortable she is w him and how much she trusts him#the double lb
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autism question, does anyone else feel overcome with rage as soon as they're able to stop masking or is that just me
#usually happens on the drive home when I'm finally alone where its quiet (except not bc i listen to music but yknow what i mean#and even if i felt chill before im like. suddenly wanting to destroy everything i see w my mind; sometimes my hands even get shaky its uhh#idk maybe not strictly autism related but it mostly happens after work/when ive been out of the house too long#might get better as i get to know my coworkers and can be more normal (my version of normal) around them#most of them seem pretty cool & theyd probably be accepting i just Can't turn it off until my brain fully trusts em
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Like ok how you going to guilt ME for not making you go 3 hours out of the way?
#a family member died. they live 3 hrs from me. and 8 hours from my parents#funeral is on Wednesday#first mom was like ok we'll come to Tuesday and all go together Wednesday and drive back the same night#I'm like...seems unlikely that you'll do that#she's like well a hotel will be expensive#(ok girl no offense but this family member lives in bum fuck nowhere. hotels are under $100. do you need money?)#im like you don't...need to stop by here. your adding 3 hours to your trip#shes like but we should all go as a family#(sir permission to speak sir but i dont want to be in a car with ya'll for six hours either...)#im like ok fine but come Tuesday. we all go up Wednesday. you leave Thursday.#she responds no we'll come on Monday leave Friday.#and stay at your place the whole time to save money#uh. no.#thats absolutely not how that works.#this isn't a holiday inn. i miss my parents but i hate that they think they can just stay here whenever#if it was just me fine. but i dont live in this house alone and hate imposing them on my roommate#also they didnt ask. they're just like we're going to be there a week.#hello? no girl. i have work. your not lurking in my house for 3 extra days for no reason#i told her no. come down Tues. we all go together wed. you leave thur. and also please keep in mind you inconvenience my roommate#when you just come over. i know this used to be your house but it's hers now and she doesn't need you guys in her personal space for a week#just for a 1 day funeral#hours later shes like oh we're going to spend the night there then. you have to drive yourself. you cant come with us. you don't want us#in your house fine. we won't come visit again.#GOOD. IF THERES ONE THING I HATE ITS AN UNINVITED GUEST#you don't need to drive 11 hours just to hang out with me for 1.5 days. chill.
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my shoulder hurts
#sometimes i get really scared about turning into moms. like#that I'm basically just like the worst parts of my bfs mothers and eventually he'll hate me#idk. i have a lot of thoughts abt mom and stepmom in general. not all bad just a lot to think about w them#but yeah i just see a lot of similarities and it makes me kind of depressed actually lol. I'm like woof I'm rlly not good aren't i bc#I'm way less capable than they are. let alone my mother whose still going at it when she shouldve been chilling by now but#again im a burden. again i also don't see why we even came here to America like#ik my parents couldn't have predicted the fucking economy over here but god... why did they think we would make it here :/#idk man i literally hate America i resent that i am American and that the only parts of it i can love is that i make of it so i have to#actively participate in its development and culture and idfk#idk man i just wish i could rot but i literally can't because i have no one i genuinely want to affect in#i miss feeling normal but instead i dont do anything and wonder why i feel bad#idk. i know i shouldn't compare myself to ppl who have had more but also like. im objectively not as good at cleaning as the stepmom#im objectively not tidy as shown by my room and my inability to upkeep the fucking living room#like idk what they want me to do anymore i just feel like they hate me anyways forever lol
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Dracudate
Link of the short I'm recommending in the hashtags :0
pls. mlm werewolves when. we r dying over here
I am a lesbian 🫶 this is why I draw so many lesbian werewolves. I’m not a corporation you can’t demand representation from me like that!
BUT ofc I’m going to draw mlm werewolves at some point. Just remember, I’m doing this for free and bc I love werewolves not bc I’m catering to a specific audience lol. There are also soooo many mlm anthro/furry artists out there already holy shit I promise. I may not fill that niche and that’s okay!!
#the following hasthag is from the og post so:#women are already very underrepresented as werewolves let alone lesbians who are werewolves#Not only underrepresented; but you know the meme mocking how they represent males in fantasy species vs females in the same species?#It happens with both werewolves and regular anthro wolves so frequently ToT#It's also duality between that or always attaching to masculinizing the werewolf woman#I'm not against it; I'm myself a girl who likes expressing herself in masculine ways#But bro; werewolfhood is so seen as a masculine concept that a lot of general public portray female werewolves exclusively as masculine#We need more werewolf girls that are traditionally girlie and go big and buff and rock it and they're not portrayed as an evil bait#Shout-out to the indie short Dracu-Date. Yeah; mentioning it in this context might spoil the plot twist; but it's peak u.u#It's a sapphic short BTW u.u#I'm including a link for you guys if you wanna watch it; I never forgot about the short since the first time I saw it :0#Basil Cookie is one of my favourite Cookie Run OCs from the ones I've made not only because of the werewolf bias#I just said: she's a werewolf. Why? And why not? And no matter how much I expand in her story and context;#She's just a chill and cutesy girl who happens to be a werewolf and she's traditionally girly nevertheless#BTW: werewolfhood is not the only concept that is so attached to masculinity thay when making a serious female take it ends being masculine#The “girlboss” stereotype is also portrayed as a masculine looking woman by a lot of media#Mostly mainstream; but they do it. Bro; female characters can be strong; independent and charismatic without looking masculine ToT#As a final note to the admin: seeing so many different werewolves in this account;#From gender; to ethnicity; to how their wolf traits manifest; to what are they doing... It's something I'm very thankful for#Every day I'm looking forward to see what werewolf will I see; and if that day there's no werewolf it's okay; I'll just wait#We all have lives and keeping a daily blog is difficult; it's okay to take breaks when you need it
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seeing identical twins irl sometimes is so trippy (funny like woag...) but the funniest thing is i am an identical twin too. is that how it's like when others see me and artemis.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#how does it go when you realize someone random you just met or knew for a while just as a Twin#and an identical twin at that...!! ye gods.#i can try to imagine it and i have had a bit of a reaction to others but it's mostly just. excitement.#for not being alone in the Experience lol but it is very natural to me!#thinking abt how an old friend thought i was years older than arti b4 meeting me in 5th grade bcs of how she talked abt me LMFAO#my friends or classmates (esp new students or new ones) and teachers old and new realizing me and arti are twins is crazy too#become friends w me you are friends with arti (to a lesser extent though). be friends with arti you become close friends with me.#funny habit really where the friends i make either last long or don't last long at all and arti's are in that. Weird Zone idk how to explain#fun. interesting. yeah :3#okay i will ready to discuss d&d character sheet with my friend/dm now..... brrr. it is almost 10 pm.#i have a college exam tmrw actually but LMFAOOO (lmfao)..... yeah <3#i'm chill tbh. it's cool. but genuinely speaking. ^_^
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this doesn't feel fair
#➳ valentin vents#so much i could say. not that there's a point in saying anything. but also not that that's ever stopped me.#i knew it'd end. i knew i wouldn't be able to handle staying friends. but it still feels unfair.#i keep cycling through ''i am literally so chill i am vibing'' - ''ok i'm kinda sad but thats ok'' n ''throbbing chest pain why why why''#i don't know what i want. i can't think of a solution to feeling this way. all i can do is wait but i want to feel better now.#there was no way to fix things as there was nothing to be fixed.#but it still hurts. i'm still jealous. that's all i'm good at being.#i'm sad but i don't know why i'm sad. if i stop and really think i should only be a little sad.#i want to be angry but there's nobody to reasonably be angry at. nobody's done anything wrong.#i can only imagine how i'm the only one feeling this way lmao#maybe that's another of my ''source my anxiety told me'' thoughts but#i also just can't imagine why someone would actually be upset no longer having me in their life?#especially when there's other beings. there's someone else. there always has been.#i don't even know what i wantttt#i don't want to date again. bad idea. i'm too scared. i need to recover. i should focus on myself.#but i don't want to be alone. it's terrible.#i don't regret anything. i think. it's not like with my abuser where i regret each and every thing.#it was a good thing. if nothing else i know more about my needs. i know how to have courage to bring up issues.#i know when it's time to stop trying and to let go. i guess.#idk oh my god this is a fucking novel#again heyy could be worse. if uu think this is annoying ya'll should've seen me while i was w my abuser JDJFKJDNJD#i'd literally vent like every day abt him. which honestly fair he gave me a lot of trust issues. but rip to everybun who knew me in 2022 fr#* ok i have realized it's like. the exact same so far bc i've kept venting abt this LMFAOOO but uhh.#the venting back then was MUCH more colorfully worded and often. and less somber more ''i fucking hate c's guts i want that [insults] DEAD'#and like every 30 minutes. at least ya'll r getting pauses between my annoying ass posts HJDHJFH
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