#i can honestly assure that whatever is was....... i didn't know i was doing LOL

[theloveinc]

if u block me, at least tell me why😭

[natalieispunk]

BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: an unforeseen snow storm leads you and joel to find refuge in a cabin in the woods.

warnings: nothing explicit, just hurt/comfort surrounding grief but if i have missed anything potentially triggering let me know

notes: this is my first fic here, and i've been procrastinating because i'm so nervous about posting here LMFAO. i feel like tumblr fics are held to a certain standard although i thought i'd shoot my shot anyways because you never know.. lowercase is intended. written with a no ellie au in mind, but is up to interpretation. joel and reader's relationship is also up to interpretation, but is implied to be romantic/considerably close because of joel's vulnerability lol. dividers by @/saradika-graphics

the wind howled beyond the rickety windows of the cabin, rattling the glass in its place as frost blurred the outside view of snow and wind locked within dance.

whilst the cabin had proved to be acceptable, by no means was it liveable. wood rotted, creaking with every step as the stairs threatened to give in at any slight pressure put upon them. much like you, and joel. it'd been a shining light amidst the forest as you stumbled and plodded through the thickened wilderness- had you stayed out there any longer, the hope wouldn't have been as sufficient any longer. it'd proved to be the one thing keeping you going, the hope of finding somewhere safe, somewhere liveable. somewhere you could live in congruity.

"found these." the texan drawl pulled you from your thoughts, and as you looked over your shoulder, the imposing frame of joel met your eye. in his arms were a few blankets. fraying, but you couldn't afford to be picky anymore. you'd already wrapped yourself up in the blanket stuffed into your pack, but joel didn't seem all that satisfied. and honestly, you weren't either.

he stepped closer, his boots thumping lightly against the floor before his arms were extending in a silent offer. take a blanket, keep warm. it was endearing, although oftentimes you found yourself yearning for more than his silent care. you wished for words, for touches.

"thank you." your reply was quiet, but it didn't seem to bother him so much. instead, he gave an incoherent grumble and a nod, turning back to his own spot by the weathered couch. "should be quiet tonight." he observed, surveying his surroundings in silence. his gaze flickered down to his lap, and you watched. "i can take watch, just in case." you heard yourself offer. joel frowned.

somehow, your memories of meeting joel were always faint. with how much you found yourself to be borderline treasuring him, someone would think that you would remember everything down to time. it had been through tess, back when all he had been to you was the unsettling shadow looming over the woman, back before you got to know him. it had been the small things that drew you to him. that furrowed brow, the subconscious glances to his broken watch, or the self assured gait he carried himself with. despite everything, he was never one to open up. yet somehow, you felt as if you knew him like clockwork.

then again, maybe tess had too.

"no. don't worry 'bout it." joel murmured. "y'need rest. been a tough few days out there. this storm ain't gonna help." he sighed. it wasn't a lie. supplies had been low ever since you had left the qz in the dust. compared to whatever this is, that place might've even been cushy. now it was real- it was raw survival, scrounging for supplies in places you wouldn't have ever imagined yourself. some of it was perhaps humbling, but it was necessary.

you subconsciously mimicked him, a frown on your lips as you stared towards him. "you need rest, too. you've been.. i don't know, weird." he didn't seem to take kindly to it, and he huffed. "y'don't know what you're talkin' about." he grumbled, eyeing you from beneath his brow. "y'just won't do it right." there was an almost playful lilt to his tone, as if he didn't quite want to take you seriously. as if he was avoiding something.

"stop that."

"stop what?"

"that. avoiding things." you stand, arms folded over your chest as you peer down to him. somehow, he looked.. pathetic. not rudely, but just so tiredly pathetic. the way those brown puppy eyes met yours, how he seemed so sheepish about your calling out. it almost made you that bit more frustrated with him. he didn't take himself into account, and that hurt you, too. he deserved more than what he gave himself.

"it's just.. this, joel. you doing everything, i'm- i don't wanna feel useless. like you're.. babying me. i can do shit." you frowned. joel kept to his silence, and after a few long, suffocating moments, he spoke. "i ain't babyin' you, darlin'." it was silent for another moment, and you could practically hear the gears turning in his head as he sat there, figuring what he should say next. what he could say next. "y'get nightmares, don't ya?" he mumbled, and with hesitance, you nodded.

it wasn't rare for joel to be vulnerable. to open up like this. not anymore, at least. ever since tess, it seemed to be the tip of the iceberg for him. there was a certain level of empathy between you as your gazes met, the silence between you twisting itself into something more comfortable, understanding. it was joel's turn to mimic you, and he nodded. "yeah. yeah, i know y'do." he whispered. "i get 'em. of sarah, tess." he began. "i lost 'em, an' i coulda done somethin' to save 'em but i just- jus' stayed there. didn't do nothin'."

you felt your gaze soften. it felt as if you weren't controlling yourself as you sat down alongside him, a heap of limbs leant against the couch as your eyes focused on his face. he wasn't looking at you, but that was okay. he needed this. "an' i don't wanna lose you, neither." he finished. the tremble in this voice was there. something about seeing such a strongly portrayed man so vulnerable beside you, it made your chest twist in a way you'd never felt before.

with understanding, you nodded. trying to understand was hard. you had both lost people, but somehow there was that silence understanding that you wouldn't understand just what the other had went through. and again, that was okay. because despite that, you still had each other, and you were there now. he was there now. it was okay. "i know, joel." you whispered. "but y'won't lose me. i'm here."

the relief in him was palpable as his shoulders slumped, as if it was what he needed to hear. that you were there with him, that you would be there with him. with a shaken exhale he nodded, and he had never looked so weary. so exhausted. your lips twitched downwards into a frown as he glanced sideways to you, and your hand reached out to find his jaw.

"go to sleep, joel."

"i'll be here."

WELL thank u for reading i am so nervous to post this. the ending is awkward because i didn't wanna drag it on, especially for my first post. depending on the response i may post again, or turn this into a potential series? i'm not sure, but thank you guys for taking the time to read :)

word count: 1070

taglist: tba, please let me know if you would like to be added!

[danieyells]

hai again :3 idk if youve already done him but can you do tohmas voicelines? he is sooo interesting i, once again, want to study him

Tohma is one of the I think two characters I haven't been asked to do yet!! I think he wouldn't appreciate you studying him either, anon, but I think he'd be willing to let you studying him becuase he didn't think you could actually succeed. . .but if you did, he'd have other uses for you lol

ANYWAY VOICELINES his are. Pretty expected in their nature lol he's like ritsu in that you will never see this man sweat.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Well, hello there—I've been expecting you. May I ask for your assistance with something?"

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"Seems you have some mail. There could be some helpful information in there."

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"What do you mean? I lend a sympathetic ear to those in need—that's all."

"Honestly. This academy has far more than its fair share of loose cannons, wouldn't you agree?"

"I'm no more than a servant. Frostheim is ruled by a king, you see."

"I hope you'll join us for a party some time."

"No need to be nervous. I've nothing but the noblest of intentions."

normal people don't need to say things like this. you see why i feel like it's too obvious that he's shady! he comes out the gate with this shit!

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"An orderly life and a well-managed schedule are the key to keeping one's self fit and healthy."

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"How delightful... It seems our king's peaceful slumber has yet to be disturbed."

look at how annoyed he looks lmao He'd love to slam Jin's door open and yell WAKE THE FUCK UP BITCH

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Is that everything? I'm afraid there are several matters I must attend to."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Please excuse me. There's a small matter I must attend to. No, it's nothing serious. Of course I'm being honest—whatever do you mean?"

yeah your affinity is too low for me to think you're honest. LET US IN.

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Look at you, you're trembling. You must have had quite a frightening encounter. You poor thing."

considering what time this can happen maybe some anomaly was lurking in the darkness and scared you?

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Providing this level of assistance goes without saying. Only once you can do so without instruction can you call yourself qualified."

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"So this is where you've been idling your time away. Our captain is waiting for you."

stop trying to hide you are a servant and your king demands your services.

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Honestly. If he'd just take action, everything would be resolved instantaneously."

(In case there's any doubt, "he" is specifically referring to Jin--in Japanese he says "Dorm Leader". I wonder if this relates to the spy situation or the Institute. . .or something else entirely--)

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"This conversation never happened. Understand?"

Either he needs someone to believe he wasn't here or he told you something ~Secret~

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"An appropriate amount of sleep is essential to maintaining your physical and mental health, you know."

he's very worried about your health. . .as has been pointed out, perhaps because his own isn't stable. . . .

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"Honestly. The second years have been making quite the racket this morning."

KAITO AND LUCA ARE HAVING FUN LET THEM HAVE FUN

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"I tend to eat lightly at lunch time. Would you like some? Don't worry—I assure you, it's not poisoned."

WHO SAYS THAT IF IT ISN'T POISONED. IT'S YOUR FOOD WE KNOW YOU WEREN'T POISONING YOURSELF. . .PROBABLY. . .COULD BE MICRODOSING POISON TO YOURSELF FOR IMMUNITY REASONS.

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Seems you've become involved in a difficult situation. How do I know? I just happened to overhear, that's all."

WHICH DIFFICULT SITUATION. THERE ARE SEVERAL. IT FEELS LIKE THERE ARE MORE EVERY DAY.

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"It appears we're in for another full day."

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning. Would you like to start the day with a cup of tea?"

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"How about a game of chess to aid with digestion? I'm a patient teacher. I can show you how to win—against opponents other than myself, of course."

how would that help with. . .don't you usually have to exercise for. . .well I'm glad he's a patient teacher even if he won't teach you to beat him lol good strategy, make you a powerful ally.

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Good health is the greatest treasure. You shouldn't push yourself too hard. Good night—I'll finish up here."

He wants you to take care of yourself. . .so he'll do the hard work when it's time for you to rest. He wouldn't want something bad to happen to you because you were unwell.

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I always achieve my goals—using any means necessary. That goes without saying, don't you think?"

why restrict your means if you truly wish to fulfill your goal? Others use you for their means, so why not do the same yourself? If your ends are truly good perhaps the means aught not to matter so much.

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Please don't overexert yourself. There are many people here who need you."

that may sound like a reason to overexert yourself, but if you overdo it you won't be able to help anybody. You have to help yourself if you want to help anybody else. There's no shame in that.

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"Take care not to overdo it today. You may insist you're fine—perhaps you even believe it—but I can tell at a glance that you're fatigued."

he's worried about you. Maybe it doesn't sound that way, but he wants to make sure you're well. He can tell you're wearing down before you can. He has an eye for others, that's all. Also maybe it's just me but he mentions health and wellness so much I can't help but wonder if he's had some sort of health problem in the past, or maybe Jin or someone else he knows and cares for. Also, hilarious that speaks to highly of caring for one's health when he smokes.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Inexperience is not a crime. The important thing is choosing not to remain ignorant when you don't know something."

knowledge is in fact power

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Errant and Fuji lack polish, but they've got potential. They're sincere, and that's what counts."

he really looks at them and says "those're my boys. my loud annoying sons."

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"Welcome to high society. That outfit suits you well. With that poise, you'll have no trouble fitting in here."

he dressed you up and brought you to a party because he likes and trusts you and wants to be seen with you. . .get used to the high life, he'd like to keep you in it as long as possible.

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Forgetting about everything I've got to do and be, just for a night every once in a while... It's not a bad feeling."

no titles, no images, no fronts, and no lies. no manipulation. no doing somebody else's job--no doing any job. Just. . .time for himself. And, presumably, someone he loves very much. I think he's earned that kind of break. Does this sound like you're about to fuck to anybody else--

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"In times of difficulty, I hope you'll turn to those around you for help. I will be there to keep you safe."

Don't be like him and take so much upon yourself. . .rely on others. Ask for help! Find your people. Support each other. Don't try and go at it alone. It's okay to be united with your community. He is one of your people too, of course. Rely on him and he will keep you from harm. He's quite sweet, isn't he?

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"That was quite the yawn. No need to apologize. Who wouldn't want to take a nap in this pleasant spring weather?"

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I once heard a poem that went, "In spring, one sleeps a sleep that knows no dawn." I'm sorry to inform you dawn must come eventually, Captain."

translation: 'WAKE THE FUCK UP JIN. IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY BITCH.'

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"With every advent of spring comes a wealth of gleaming new foliage and a pleasant breeze. I still find it moving each year."

reminds me of that if you ask Tohma what his hobbies are in his character story chat he says he likes being out in nature and taking walks. . .which also reminds me that Alan likes camping. I bet they used to go camping together all the time.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"The blossoms of spring fall so quickly. Though beautiful, there is something almost brutal in their brevity."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"Ha ha. My apologies. Your face is so flushed I couldn't help myself."

'lol you're so sweaty you look like a wet rat'

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Sweltering days like this make me sincerely grateful to be in Frostheim."

i wonder how hot it was in the vagastrom garage in the summer. probably sucked ass in there. and smelt like big sweaty dudes.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Would you care to enjoy the evening cool here with me?"

(between 8pm and 5am)

"If the heat becomes to much for you, please feel free to come visit us in Frostheim any time."

inviting them to frostheim late at night? how scandalous. . . .

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"Pleasant days like this make me want to go on a trip somewhere far away."

i mean if anyone could get away with it it's definitely you. darkwick trusts you enough.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Tea enjoyed while appreciating the colors of the fall leaves has a unique charm."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"The early dusks in the fall can take one by surprise. Be sure to stay alert when walking in the dark."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"There is nothing better than a book to while away the long fall nights. My eyes are rather tired though... Perhaps some exercise will be a good change of pace."

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"I thought Frostheim had gotten me used to cold weather, but I suppose this is what they mean when they say "chilled to the bone.""

my god he's admitting weakness. someone call the papers.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"Even the cold weather doesn't seem to deter the second years from gallivanting about... Rather charming, isn't it? In the way barnyard animals are."

my noisy sons who play in the snow like puppies

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'll take my leave earlier this evening. The nights are getting colder, after all. And there's a small matter I'd like to look into."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"Haven't you had your fill of winter scenery after frequenting Frostheim? Ha ha. You truly are a strange one."

His birthday: (May 31st)

"Thank you for putting together such a wonderful celebration for me. Oh? You've even gotten me a gift..."

Your birthday:

"Happy birthday. Perhaps it was a little presumptuous of me, but I've prepared a gift for you... Come now. There's no need to be so formal."

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year, {PC}. I expect you will help bring Frostheim to even greater heights this year."

why? are they being promoted to fuckin captain of frostheim or something now? tf?

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Oh my, is this for me? How kind of you. I very much look forward to finding out what's inside."

White Day: (March 14th)

"I ordered you these sweets from a famous confectionery in Asakusa. Hopefully they suit your tastes."

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"What I wouldn't give to knock that bastard Jin's head off... Oh come now, what's that face? I'm joking, of course."

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Trick or treat. Oh? So you prefer tricks... Interesting."

what do you think he's dressed as? Oh no you didn't have any treats for him. . .be worried about what's coming i guess

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Merry Christmas. We'll be holding a party in Frostheim later. Would you care to join us?"

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Ignoring me, are you? You've certainly got guts."

(13 affinity and above)

"If something is concerning you, perhaps I could lend an ear. There may be something I can do to help."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"I've no interest in hearing your excuses. I suppose I'll need to be stricter with you going forward—I hope you've come prepared."

much like Jin. . .he believes you'll need to be retrained. Bad servant. Time to be reminded of your place.

IT FEELS LIKE HIS ARE VERY LOW KEY. He's secretive about his interests and so very busy as Jin's servant, it feels like they don't share much about him. . .hopefully we'll get more study opportunities, anon. I wonder if this makes his intentions seem more or less clear/honest for some? It could really go either way lol. WHAT REALLY GETS ME IS THE "just one night to not have to think about who i am and what i have to do is nice" ONE TBH. . .like he really works so hard trying to play every side for the outcome he wants. he works so hard keeping frostheim in order. no real hints to what his goals are, just that he acknowledges that he will do whatever it takes to reach them. Makes you wonder, but we probably won't learn anything for a long while haha

[sergeantsporks]

I honestly always thought that Lilith's resentment of Hunter stemmed from her being jealous of his "close" relationship with Belos.

Lilith was a frigging teenage girl when she joined the Emperor's Coven. She had an estranged relationship with both of her parents at that time. She was also isolated from them. Belos presents himself as an affable authority figure to the Isles.

If she didn't quickly start viewing Belos as some sort of pseudo father figure, I'd be seriously surprised.

And Belos, given that his whole "thing" was manipulation, had to have picked up on that. I'd be genuinely shocked if he didn't outright cultivate it!

Especially since doing so would've assured him of Lilith's loyalty (Until, you know), sowed discontent within the higher ranked members of the Emperor's Coven (Since they all want to be "close" to Belos), and presented an excellent opportunity to cause pain to the Clawthorne family. (And we all know that he's not wholly beyond being petty like that, lol.)

In addition to giving Lilith one damn good reason to hate Hunter's guts from the day he set foot in the Castle for the first time. LMAO.

This random kid appears out of nowhere and he's somehow the Emperor's nephew?!? So of course the expectation will be that Belos is going to dote on him and give the little tyke whatever he wants, up to and including a powerful position within the Coven. Likely without the kid having to lift a finger.

XD Poor Hunter could've literally spent his whole childhood worshiping the very ground Lilith walked on and she still would've despised the poor child. There was literally nothing that he could ever do that would be "right" in Lilith's eyes. Because his mere presence is an affront to her!

As it also is to all of the other Coven Heads.

Which is, naturally, exactly what Belos wanted. Can't let his little child solider have other trustworthy adults in his life. No, Belos needs to be the only person he can 100% always trust and thus, turn to in times of trouble.

:( Poor Lilith, poor Hunter.

Yeah, I know I've talked about Lilith being like "Finally, I'm going to get out of the shadow of my sister, I'm no longer going to be second-fiddle in the eyes of an authority figure to a prodigy, excellent" only for a new prodigy pop up and take the spotlight and all the attention of her top authority figure 20 or so years later. Like. She must have been screaming.

But honestly? I think you're right. I don't think Hunter did anything, not at first, anyway. We see in Thanks to Them that a lot of his posturing and pride/confidence literally comes on and off with his physical mask. Underneath, he's just... kind of a dork loser who's pretty adorable. Sure, he's not PERFECT, it's not TOTALLY a persona; the "golden guard" does bleed into Hunter and vice versa, but I can definitely imagine all the other coven heads (and ESPECIALLY Lilith, who's already predisposed to feel threatened by people whose seeming "natural" talents exceed her hard work) coming in already expecting him to be a nepotism brat.

Hunter is nothing if not someone who tries very hard to live up to people's expectations of him. So even if he wasn't some annoying little twerp at first and was just a genuinely curious and excited kid who wanted to hang out with The Cool Kids (coven heads) (especially considering we know he wasn't really allowed near the other scouts), I have no doubt that he started leaning into their expectations of "bratty kid who can do whatever he wants because he's the emperor's nephew" after the first few rejections. Which would only make their perception of him justified in their eyes, which would only make him worse, etc. etc. So even if he was a perfect angel at first and worshiped the ground the other coven heads walked on, like you said, he definitely became/acted like the brat they all thought he was by the end.

[theflyingfeeling]

thoughts from last night's St. Aurora show 🖤

2 seconds into the warm-up act and suddenly I'm living in an alternate universe in which Joonas Porko is the lead singer of a rock band (more under the cut but I just need to share this first because I just can't get over this lol):

then he took his jacket off and I was like ??????? if not Porko, then why so Porko-shaped 😭

(I'll post one more video I took of their set so you can see it for yourselves, because he kinda also sounds a bit like Joonas at times 😂😭)

Joonas Porko doppelgängers aside, Delta Enigma was actually pretty good and I hope I'll remember to check out more of their stuff at some point! I had my picture taken with the lead singer but didn't get to chat with him properly as the last band of the evening just started to play when I got to him, so hopefully next time

St. Aurora was so much fun!! 😭 They were really just a group of friends playing some songs and having fun 🥺💕 although if I'm being completely honest it did feel a little weird to be there, as I only got into their music literally three weeks ago, and even though I have tried my best to do my homework and listen to their music a lot, I was not able to sing and jam along like I would at a BC show for example (and they didn't play the only song I already know the lyrics to 😔), but they were super fun to watch, both the music and the banter in between songs was top tier entertainment 👌

and then after the show they were hanging out by the merch stall. I've been looking for a cap to wear at summer festivals but none of the bands were selling any, so I asked Nile how much he wants for his own, but he wouldn't sell it lol, although he appreciated that I was brave enough to ask 😅 so I bought a totebag instead (the one they had on display, which apparently was the only one they had 😂), and I got to meet all the band members and have the totebag signed as @johnnyporko quite literally dragged me around and pushed me to them one by one like "Now there's Petja. Go!" and !!!!!!!! they were all so ridiculously sweet, gentlemen through and through, each and every one of them, from Nile who texted everyone backstage to come back so that I could get my totebag signed, to Eemi who seemed so grateful that we had come (as a side note the crowd was very sparse that night) and when we were saying our goodbyes and he and @johnnyporko were hugging, I was all prepared to be on my merry way when they'd be finished, but then Eemi turned to me and hugged me too, even though I hadn't even initiated a hug as I was feeling a bit shy 😭💗💕💞💖💗💘 honestly, already during the show I kept thinking Eemi seems like such a sweet person, because whereas Nile and the others were bantering away and talking "whatever their spit brings to their mouth" as we say in Finland lol, there was Eemi thanking everyone for coming and giving shout-outs to members of crew and just being an angel in general, and in person he's even a bigger sweetheart 🥺 my interactions with Vallu, Petja and Osku were somewhat briefer but I assure you they were all incredibly nice as well and seemed very down-to-earth. ngl I'm kinda bummed I forgot to show Osku some pictures of our old man Osku the dachshund lol, but maybe next time, because there definitely will be a next time!! 🖤

huge huge thanks to @johnnyporko for not only being my company last night but also for introducing me to St. Aurora, both to their music and to the individuals playing in the band 🫶

edit. oh, and Luna Kills was fun too! I listened to some of their songs earlier this week and really liked them 👍

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Did your school, especially high school or whatever you had before college/university, rank the students? Did you know your ranking? Do you agree with the student who ended up at number 1?

Sadly it's been years since high school but I can remember all of it, probably only because they screwed me over and I do not know how to let things go. I was number 5 in the school, talked to my counselor about having afternoons off for my senior year since I had completed the required courses and also some college exchange courses and they assured me it would not affect my rank. I dropped to 7 and when I confronted them they told me of course it would affect it since I would have no grades to be submitted for the afternoons. Then our number 1 student was a girl I had in multiple classes who averaged Cs at best and frequently asked the dumbest questions imaginable such as why are the villagers wanting the dragon killed in Beowulf when we had just read about it destroying the villages. So I was very very angry about her getting ranked as number 1 because I know for a fact her grades were not good enough but she was very beloved by the teachers.

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer within a certain amount of time or at all.*

Hi Lovely!

Oh gosh, I genuinely don't remember much about my high-school years... they were too traumatic for me and I just.... have a mental block on large chunks of it. All I do remember is that there were honour students, but you had to be in the top like 1% to be on the honour roll, and I never was. But other than that, I've never heard of a "ranking" system in school. Is that a common thing? I dunno, I was in high school over 20 years ago so maybe things have changed LOL.

UGH favoritism, on the other hand, did exist and I was never the favourite. Teachers didn't like me much, and I was even accused often of tracing my art projects (fuck that teacher, honestly) and I nearly failed my various math classes because I couldn't attend many of them when my dad was sick. Bleh. Whatever, I hated school, I was so glad to leave.

College were the best years of my education life, and I actually miss THOSE days more than any schooling.

Thanks for your anecdote and the ask! :)

[hannahbarberra162]

thank you so much for responding to me twice now!! im sorry im sending these in so frequently, I dont know how tumblr works but i hope that, even if you dont post a reply to this, (which btw you NEVER have to, please dont feel obligated), i honestly only want you to read the ask. (even then its okay if you dont lol), im a bit overenthusiastic about your work, if you couldn't tell haha 😓 (not that it doesn't deserve all the enthusiasm in the world!!- I just know I can ramble when something excites me.)  I'll try to space out my asks more as to not overwhelm you or anything. i  honesty would love to read whatever you have to offer, even if it's just posting little snippets. I feel bad requesting stuff, though, from what I've read you're probably a busy college student with enough on your plate! still, without making any specific requests, whatever you have to offer, ill eat up like it's my last meal!! id love to see your works on other chatacters! i honestly didn't even really care heavily for mihawk or shanks but you know damn well i ate up your works on them! and like i said, i dont even really know Marco besides your interpretation, (which are canon in my mind haha) and literally had to look up who thatch was. yet i STILL have enjoyed your writings with them to the point ive been up late wondering what happens next. whatever you write, ill enjoy! you just have such incredibly intriguing stories, i honestly have never been so hooked before. thank you so much for writing! i guessed that either Marco or Ace was your favorite, so im glad i was close with Ace! i had the same sort of question as i did with Marco, but I didn't wanna ask both in one message. kinda a 'why him', sorta thing, not that i dont get this one completely- ive seen him in action and i love ace too! But i wanna hear why YOU love him, how YOU see him, same as what i asked for Marco. you don't have to answer if you dont want to! i know ive already typed a lot, so ill cut myself off here!! thank you my goat!! 🐐 and thank you for my appreciation of the WBP!!

(I've also really enjoyed your jinbe work so far!! he's one of my favorites🌊)

@celine-zzz Don't be sorry!!! This made my day, my week, my month! I lose confidence a lot and reading things like this make me think it's worth it. Thank you so so so much for your praise!!!! I actually screenshot nice asks like these and reread them haha. Ask whatever you want!! I like interacting with other people!!! Talk to me all you want!!!

I don't mind getting requests, I just don't ask for them bc I don't know that I can fulfill what people want. But I'm always happy to try! Heat Transfer is actually based off a Nonnie ask and I spiraled from there.

And, ah, I'm quite a few years past my college days 🫠🫠🫠 I'm not sure if that's better or worse, but time comes for us all.

In truth I started writing characters I felt I had a better handle on. I find Ace to be the most relatable. I think he's the most like someone you could potentially meet, maybe other than Law. Someone who is confident and self loathing and insecure and smart and dumb and self assured and all of that wrapped in a cute bundle with freckles. I also find Ace easy to write because I do feel that I've met people like him in real life, so I think of the dumb shit they would do lol. He reminds me a lot of a few of my friends, maybe that's why I feel protective over him.

That isn't a very good answer, but in summary he's my bby and I want the best for him <3.

Jinbe is who I'd actually want to ship myself with (see self indulgent fic) and I'd most want to be friends with and spend the day with Usopp.

[f0point5]

I loved this new part! All of it 🧡

But most of all: I. Love. Lando. He's truly is the MVP in this story.

Can we talk about him always nagging both y/n and Max about Elliot and how they're blind with each other and how they should DO sth and just being the best friend ever?! I think it can be hard being a good friend to y/n and Max both when they are sharing secrets with you, asking for advice, being them, and he's trying to handle this and help them out and still tries to push them a little every time. He's THE best, honestly. And he gives me a good laugh all the time. His reaction to Max saying his plan is to win the race was golden! Like there's no room for interpretation lol. I love your characterization of Lando!

I also love Max's messages to Lando! His texting slightly differs depending on who he's writing to, but with Lando it's never not fun to read. It cracks me up every time how Max's always asking for context, but when he's texting someone most of the times he's not giving context either. Especially with problems.. straight to the point, yk what I'm talking about come on lol.

I have no doubt whatsoever that Max was indeed talking about the race atp. However, he also did exactly understand what Lando was talking about with his interpretation of the words. And I absolutely loved Landos interpretation and his reaction!

Elliot is... something! Seriously who does he think he is? And what exactly does he think he's getting out of behaving like a first class jackass? He didn't even hook up with y/n yet, she's not his girlfriend, and he goes all jealous on her. With all the drama he's already caused, he should be happy she's still giving him her time of the day.

He goes all wrong about this whole thing. I thought he'd understood by now that she's extremely close to Max. And that he won't change that by nagging her about it or by trying to do with her what she does with Max. He's bringing Max up all the time. Like dude, chill. If he really wanted this "relationship" to go somewhere, he should write his own story with her, instead of doodling in-between the lines of Max's and hers.

When I first read that he's coming to COTA, I hated the thought. But him crossing those lines to her F1 world can't possibly be a good thing for them. I'm smelling drama. And I can't wait for next weekend 🤣

Her reactions to his texts and the whole thing were gold though. I do think she's way too patient and lenient with him, with all the drama he's bringing on. And I honestly can't believe she's seeing it go anywhere. Looking from the outside it feels like she knows exactly that's it's never gonna end well. But anyways, I like her getting straight to the point, telling him he can't possibly teach her more or better than Max did, and I love that for her!! Like when he brings up Max all the time, she doesn't try to deflect and assure him or whatever, she brings Max into the conversation even more so. You go, girl! Protect the important relationship you actually do have!

And her commenting on the padel post... and even more so the cat story!! She has to know that Elliot sees those things, doesn't she? Atp it feels like she's actually provoking him. I hated it when he told her to change her behavior and I was rather surprised when she let him off the hook for that. But girl, does she serve those days. She sure as hell won't let him tell her what to do!

Lando is indeed the MVP. When I’m writing or even watching something, I always fall in love with slightly eccentric male friend and it is Lando in this fic lol. He’s out here just trying to survive because this is the TRENCHES. How is a man supposed to get a race win with these oof track antics cooking for real.

Max and Lando are a chaotic duo. I almost want them to have some kind of Hangover-Esque disaster in Vegas lol or a road trip at the beginning of a DTS episode. They’re just too funny.

There’s…several interpretations of what Max was saying but all I will say is that Max will be trying to win the car race because that’s what Max does.

Elliot was for sure acting like a douche. But tbf to him I don’t think he was saying that because he doesn’t understand she’s close to Max. Just..men like to feel useful, they like to feel like they’re teaching you something. And he saw she didn’t pick up padel quickly and that she maybe would like to get better and he is already a good player so he took a flirty shot. Once it didn’t land he should have dropped it but nobody’s perfect.

I don’t think she’s that lenient with him. At the end of the day yes she puts up with his out of pocket comments but she’s made it clear she will not adjust one single thing in her life for him now or probably ever…I feel like the least she can do is maybe look the other way when he occasionally trips up over it. I don’t think she treats Elliot badly but I do think she treats him a little bit like a tiny handbag (cute to have around, but it’s not like you’re going to put anything important in it and it’s the first thing you’ll sacrifice for practicality). I feel like for a guy like Elliot, that’s got to sting, so I understand him trying to take more of a place in her life.

Similarly, I don’t think she’s provoking Elliot. You know what they say, your greatest fear is not that the universe is against you, but that the universe is indifferent…

[lottieurl]

honestly it was less that mari didn't let lottie speak at all and more that lottie couldn't bring herself to speak. mari is terrified and someone who clings to any kind of leadership she can get, and the second it seems shaky or like they, also, don't know what they're doing, she jumps ship, so she sees lottie as someone who knows what's going on and can lead them and latches onto her. also she's a little gay for her which is very important to note. she's talking lottie up so much because she needs to trust in something, something else needs to be responsible for everything so that she can know they're going to survive. at the very beginning she thought it could be jackie, but jackie was not able to adapt to leadership in the wilderness and mari (and everyone else lol) could see it, and so she flipped on her immediately. i think sort of hoping, consciously or not, that someone else, someone better, would fill that power vacuum so she could trust there was someone else to follow, to absolve her of having to really consider the big decisions and to assure her she would be okay. and if that's taking too long, build your own symbolic leader and orchestrate their rise to power and set them up for their potential, inevitable fall from grace! not that this is exactly consciously what mari is doing. i think mari is just deep down extremely scared and she lashes out for three reasons- to prove she's not on the bottom of the totem poll, the smallest dog (usually the purpose of her going for misty and later crystal), to disguise any guilt or fear or other supposed social "weakness" she may have (i think initially going for misty was to sort of place all the blame for the stew fiasco on her, because mari maybe felt responsible a tiny bit for putting the shrooms in the pot in the first place, even unknowingly? and she didn't want anyone else to blame her for that at all so she made it known that it was all misty's fault despite having a slight hand in it), and finally, she lashes out at people who "should" be responsible for leading them, for saving them, when they don't meet her (often impossibly and irrationally high) standards. we saw it first with jackie, and again with nat in old wounds. mari's extreme need to trust in something or someone else to be responsible for the big things also means she gets like... really shaken when whatever that person shows signs of weakness or failure and she takes it out on them because either they'll start to work harder maybe and do better at protecting them and keeping them alive, or, more likely, other people will see their failure and maybe replace them with someone better who can better serve their needs and maybe mari will feel a little more at ease and a little less scared. also maybe sometimes she's just hangry like they're starving out there! oh man i totally meant for this to be a preamble to some lottie analysis but i think i'll just send that in a separate ask lol i just have so many mari thoughts like yes she sucks but. there are Reasons and they fascinate me. -cannibal laura lee anon

OH YES I AM SO HERE FOR MARI ANALYSIS. i made a post a while ago about how mari is definitely just Very Scared deep down and idk if you read that but this feels like a really good elaboration and i Agree 100% with everything you said

[unovanhunny]

Lol well /now/ you've got me thinking of sbh au ingo maybe delving into the catnip a bit /too/ much since it makes it easier for him to be affectionate with Emmet vs when hes sober. Catnip isn't a /dangerous/ substance on its own, but too much of anything can make you sick, which causes a great deal of concern for Emmet.

Emmet wasn't a narc. He wasn't entirely straight edge either. He wasn't often a user of recreational drugs, but he wasn't entirely opposed to it either. And sometimes he worried. About Ingo and how he seemed to be using catnip more and more frequently. Discovering that it could be made into a tea was probably the Worst thing.

Ingo was responsible enough to not do anything on days they worked. He needed his mind and reflexes sharp, in case of anything. For that, Emmet was grateful. But on stretches of time they had off, Ingo seemed to have been drinking more 'tea' than usual. The effects weren't bad, Ingo got clingy and needy and Emmet found him absolutely adorable and more than willing to happily give him any and all attention and affection he desired. Honestly, he didn't mind that part in the least. If he had that every day, he would be happy. But it likely wasn't great for Ingo to have it in his system all the time.

They were going to have a down week and Emmet knew it would be best to get out in front of this before Ingo became too wrapped up in his desire for being close. "Ingo. Can we talk about something?"

Ears perked in interest, Ingo's head tilted slightly to one side. "Of course! What is it? Is something bothering you?"

"It is about your use of catnip. It has been excessive and I am worried for your wellbeing."

"Ah. Has it really been that excessive? I assure you, I'm being careful, it's nothing to worry about."

"I will always worry about you. Is there a reason you have increased how much you've been taking?" Emmet's brow wrinkled a bit in concern. He was eventually met with a sigh and a warm hand cupping his cheek.

"Emmet... truth be told, there is. It is not a Bad reason. Though you may think me silly for it. But it's much easier to act more on my thoughts and feelings. You know how I have always been so guarded. It's hard to let down the barriers fully after so many years, even if I love and trust you more than anyone else I have ever met in my life. And you deserve to be loved, wholly and fully. Which is not something I think I can do on my own at this time. The use of catnip allows me to bypass those defense mechanisms that are only a hindrance between us. And I can express my feelings for you with every fiber of my being. Which is exactly what you deserve."

Emmet was quiet as he processed Ingo's reasoning. And after a long moment of silence, which only caused Ingo distress and made him nervous, Emmet let out a quiet chuckle.

"Ingo, you know that I love you right?"

"Of course I do..." Ingo pressed his forehead against Emmet's and for a moment they were just silent and enjoying the touch, the closeness.

"...Then listen. I do not care at what pace you open up to me. I have been patient so far and I have been fine. Knowing that you think so highly of me and that I am so important to you makes me happy."

"You are the most important. I just wish to do right by you."

"And you are, even without catnip! I love you at whatever level of affection you can achieve. I think I will much prefer to have you be as cuddly as you are on catnip when you are ready to do so. Even if that takes time. In the meantime, I can match that level of enthusiasm myself easily! I will make up for that current gap and drag you into cuddles whenever we are alone. Is that okay?"

With a deep sigh of consideration, Ingo nodded. "Perhaps I have been a bit nip-happy as of late. I can slow down on it."

"I would appreciate that. You do not have to stop entirely, just do it less. You are verrrrry cute when you are on catnip so I would not want to lose it entirely."

This time Ingo laughed. "Fine, we have a deal."

And he finalized it with a kiss.

[tea-and-secrets]

i am so fucked up for this

my gf and i just broke up but it was pretty mutual im upset for a lot of other reasons

our friends all went out drinking and because they feel for my breakup or whatever one of my friends bought me drinks and helped me when i was drunk and i was like all over them when we left the bar, i was huggy and leaning on them really hard in the car and ive literally never thought about them like this but now i think that they're hot? idk if this is just me being insane and touch-starved and desperate coming from a fucked relationship but now i am like kinda actually into them and i am pretty sure they do not swing that way and i would never want to fuck up our friendship but i really want to lay against their chest and fall asleep with them and i can just imagine losing my self in a conversation with them and seeing where the night goes. i feel insane. i feel absolutely batshit for this and am going to repress it *hard* but i just wish that i knew what they were even into, if anything? because i didn't think that they were someone i would want, but now im realizing i just dont know myself at *all*

they're just so confident and kind and self-assured and they're passionate about the things they care about and they've been so nice to me and their family is so sweet and they're thinking about finally moving out of their parents house and i really want to move in with them because they've talked about needing roommates to move with and im so fucked if anyone i know reads this bc idk if its obvious but i am so fucking fucked up rn lol.

honestly im so horny i would probably latch onto the first person who gave me any sort of physical affection lol

i just want to feel wanted at this point

.

[callioope]

Fencing update! This is long and self indulgent but hey, my blog is for me first right?

Had a free trial session as Fencing School #2 today! (I'll call it FS2 here on out.) It happened very suddenly after two weeks of no word. My spouse just called them this morning. (My first boss had a saying... NJ accent, "just call 'em!" my coworkers used to do impressions of him saying this.)

I'd say it went well overall, especially considering I was not 100% prepared to fence today, but the clientele is much younger at this place. I walked in and looked around and saw one older man giving a private epee lesson, and (in my eyes) a bunch of kids. Awkward moment where I'm like... uh who's in charge. and a younger gentleman stepped forward identifying himself as the coach for this class. He recognized my Vox Machina beanie! definite points there lol.

Anyways this particular class was a foil intermediate class, as opposed to the adult foil class that I attended at Fencing School #1 (FS1) a few weeks ago.

So this had a much more 'class' structure than FS1. Today FS2 had us run laps (but actually I skipped this because I was the newbie still getting ready), stretching (and, omg i swear it was like actual yoga stretching, we ended in half pigeon), and a footwork warm up that probably wasn't intense for the kids but, uh, my regular workouts these days are 30 minute walks, if the weather permits, so. You know. Also his footwork was a lot faster than FS1 had us go.

Then he went into explaining compound attacks. Really great lesson, he explained things really well. It was a refresher for me, but my memory is dusty so it was definitely still very helpful. He covered beats, feints, and disengages. I do love a good feint disengage. Not that my wrist cares to execute them well these days.

So we paired up and practiced three different compound attacks. It took me a bit to get into it, I was really struggling, a bit embarrassed to admit. But the coach reminded me on timing and that helped, and then apparently my partner was staying too far away from me and the coach pointed out that I was getting tired bc I was having to cover more ground with each step/motion. Thanks for the excuse! I assure you it's mostly, you know, being old and out of shape!

Then we free-fenced five bouts, to three points. I was so exhausted. I honestly got crushed. Kind of a bummer, but these were teens (and young adults, allegedly), so I guess not too surprising they can fence laps around me. Also a few of the boys hit me off target and counted that as hitting me, whatever, not gonna argue as the newbie. And we weren't hooked up to the electric equipment so I had no proof.

At the end, I tried to get a sense of the age range. I might have harped on it a bit too much, but they were also a little cagey. I don't want to be ageist, but it is just easier for me and I feel more comfortable interacting with people at a similar stage in life (career, kids, etc.) There might be more adults who attend open fencing sessions on weeknights, but logistically that is more challenging to me, weekends are better.

Okay so pros of FS2: really engaged coach who did a good job explaining things (stuff I technically already know, but like 🎵it's been awhile!🎵 and having a slower explanation, very helpful). Two other (older) coaches who actually run the place came to talk to us at the end. Atmosphere seemed chill and friendly. Definitely most affordable option around, at least going by what the schools post on their websites, and they are decently close ish. 11:30am timeslot probably slightly better than the other FS.

Cons of FS2: I don't think there are enough adults here. If I didn't have any other options, I'd probably be fine here, but I do have another option, where people are older than me even, and it's just a bit nicer to hang out with people more my age given the option. Also that class wore me out! Much more intense than FS1. I don't know if it was what I had for breakfast/the (poor) shape I was in leading up to it, but that wore me out way more than the other class. Which some might argue as a good thing, but, FS1 wore me out too.

FS1 is more expensive, slightly further away but not significantly, but the "class" structure is way more chill. It's more focused on open fencing than instruction, but it did have some instruction. That coach maybe went too fast for me, but also that was my first time fencing in 15 years! And they went over the coupe which is not as complicated as compound attacks so maybe didn't require as much explanation.

I'm leaning towards choosing FS1. My spouse would prefer if I try one other place, but based on FS3's website I just have a feeling it's going to have the same issue as FS2 (lack of adult foil fencers). There is also a fourth place that actually seemed the most appealing to me, but they are juuuust slightly too far of a drive, and it's not clear if they have weekend foil/adult classes, and they're a comparable price to FS1, so it doesn't quite seem worth it.

OH! And also! My parents got me new equipment for my birthday. My old equipment is, well, OLD, and doesn't fit me the best. New equipment naturally arrived while I was out fencing, so I still had to use old gear BUT. I just tried on the new stuff. And. omg. It is so comfy!! I was just like.... I could sleep in this. LOL. except the chest protector, although that is also way more flexible than the relic I was wearing. And my lame felt a little tight. Stupidly got my name stenciled on it, should have waited for that until I was sure about the size. The vendor said to use same size as the jacket BUT some people suggest you go up one size. :/ ALAS. Although I wore a size smaller several weeks ago at FS1 so. maybe i just need to break it in.

okay well. that is a lot of fencing talk. that probably bored people because i didn't even talk about the fun CLASH HIT SCORE part of fencing but. whatever. it's my blog. thanks for reading me ramble about fencing if you made it this far.

[gu6chan]

Hello, I saw your rant on Drakenier lore and honestly I agree. While I do enjoy the occasional "oh those line up really well" lore, I choose to stay away from the fandom because they love to make it connections where there doesn't seem to be any. I don't enjoy a lot of those theory posts because they are way off Taro's vibes, intentions, and style.

Also I'm sorry you experienced such bad things in the community. Thank you for the translations, nonetheless, and I will cherish what memory I have of them should they be pulled completely off the net.

Okay, so I got this ask on March 16th of this year not long after I kickstarted this little blog and I VOWED not to come back to it till I actually was able to privatise my works and!!! The day's finally come!!! Accord's Library is shut down!!!!! I honestly cannot believe it's happened, I wish I could put into proper words how emotional the news was for me 😭 I was honestly scared they'd be stuck up there for years and I'd have to live with that paranoia and weight in my chest forever, but just??? Waking up? Knowing I'm finally free is such an unbelievable feeling, I honestly don't know how to put it into words. I've never woken up with a smile on my face so many days in a row before!!! I didn't even have an idea that it was weighing on me that heavily. I can go dark, shut down and take some time for myself, and who knows? I might even be able to get into translation again by 2025!!! I'm so excited aaaaaaa!!! I've been trying AGES to get my works back under my belt for even a moment of peace, i was beginning to think it might never be possible :,) Honestly, I get a lot of people might not be thrilled at the whole "I'm HAPPY your favourite fan archive got shut down so I can do my silly little hobby again :)))))" thing but honestly, I've realised I don't do it for them so much as for myself and the other silly little perverts who just want to see what's out there and see every iteration of their blorbo and whatever "Oh, that's what x was about" The Drakenier fanbase is small, so I might not exactly have the same small circle to share these things to like I used to and that can be demotivating at times, but again!! Just from what I've done here, my whole method of "breathe wrong about drakenier in an even slightly questionable way and i block you" has been working better than I thought it would, so it might be controversial, but I think I'll start applying that to my translation blog as well!!! For the longest time, I know I had even mentioned it in the post I assume this is referring to, I've been kinda "split" between "Oh my god this fanbase is filled with IDIOTS, stop talking about """the lore""" and stop to smell the characters, I wish I never shared ANYTHING with you stupid motherfuckers >:(" and "But I love translation, I don't want to give that up just because a few people made stupid assertions using the material i tled for them" And then the splendid realisation hit: It SHOULDN'T be for them!!! I'm doing this for me, ofc I always thought I had been based off the pretense "I enjoy doing it" but I never took it into account to apply that to my boundaries as well. So I think in the future, if anyone says or posts anything I don't want to see or just find annoying, it doesn't matter whether it's my personal blog or translation blog or what, I'll just block them!!! If their lore is really that precious to them then they can just make an alt and snoop lol Anyways, getting to the point I wanted to make is that it makes me so happy I can reply to this after so long, thank you so much for your kind words!!!! It actually makes my whole day that you actually enjoy my translations, even if they were pretty shoddy at times 😭 all that said, I don't know if you're still around to see this, anon (Maybe you're deactivated, maybe you're even one of the 200+ people I've blocked... its nothing personal if so, promise!!!) but rest assured these translations will not be going anywhere in the long-run 🫡 I'll just keep them to myself for a bit and stay on the down-low before coming back!! Hopefully with a new project to start~ Even knowing AL's demise was inevitable, I thought it would be a matter of years, not months since I came to that resolution it'd be the only way I could safely come back to translation - I thought by then, I'd probably be so budy with personal affairs I wouldn't even have the passion for translation like I do now!! So I'm really excited at the thought of getting back into translation again, I really never thought it would be possible!!!

[reckless-blossoms]

birthday mall day today :)

it was... a rough start! had issues and had to give aid to a friend in a rough spot. apartment inspection didn't occur while we were present. then on the way out we got stuck in 30 mins of roadwork... but, we sure arrived eventually!

we got sushi. i got a california role as is usual for me. one roll is perfect for a meal that doesn't leave me feeling stuffed but does have me satisfied and fueled for the day. also got boba. matcha with blueberry bubbles.

we browsed some stores. some i wanted to see were missing but we checked a few places out.

went to lush. got the rainbow bus knot wrap. thought it was cool that i was designed by a japanese studio of artists w down syndrome. is it weird to say i just love a thing that has a fun fact about it that i can make conversation out of? love that shit.

but yeah its a big square cotton cloth made for whatever you can think of using it for. can carry goods or be used as a fashion accessory.

its perfect size for a fursuit bandana. it kind of fell out of style recently? but for awhile it was a Thing to have a scarf or bandana for your fursuit as it hides the visible seperation between head and suit. i tried to find examples but honestly it is utterly invisible and not something to care about.

but its still CUTE to wear bandanas and little accessories anyways, so, yeah!

god knows i'll also use it for carrying shit, maybe as a book protector to keep 'em safe in my bag, or for tying a bag of food onto a stick for when i move out of this apartment someday. it also only cost like $4 after discounts from returning old plastic containers for recylcing.

i deliberated a lot on getting it for some reason but i re assured myself i could always sell it if i had giftees regret or. you know. use it for gift wrap. its a two for one, the person gets the gift and the bundle it was held in.

but after lush we went to barnes and nobel. i always love to just Look at stationery and books and puzzles and trinkets. it feels Good. like it gives me motivation for home decor and lifestyle to find what calls out to me

i got a copy of Authority and i saw the new 10th anniversary covers of the trilogy but i got the solid yellow because it matches my Annihilation

then we went home. went to the creek a bit! got rained on, picked up some rubbish, the usual. i threw away half of some republican yard sign that blew into the park's parking lot, and also remants of a tire and it's rusted metal parts. i found a couple of nerf darts in bushes and ended up just leaving them on a bench; im sure, if they visit again of course, that the children who lost those will appreciate them turning up again.

but ye that was my day! will watch gzilla m/inus one tomorrow. i feel sorry for it being im being a headass and ensuring we do it exactly tomorrow and i refuse to postpone again because i wanted it tonight and i do Not want to do the cancellation dance. my friend groups got an issue with taking months to getting around to watching movies. nope! not happening on nights i host! im playing the movie tomorrow and if no one joins my stream then no one does lol

anyways time to study the art of bundling

[anthromimicry]

@red-hemlock asked: "I don’t need your pity." (For the Dealing With Trauma starters if you're still accepting them! =D 'Cuz yay Arkham threads, and Riv just loves talking about her lye scars lol. Also HI I LOVE YOUR OC. <3)

a patient's opposition is not necessarily automatically personal. this is a stance that misao had come up with herself and yet, a flare of annoyance almost managed to rise to the surface within her in response to the other's comment. she had honestly been having a long day so far — the warden of arkham had pretty much demanded that she fit in at least three more patients than she usually would into her schedule, after all. and although she wanted to believe that all of this wasn't draining her... it truthfully kind of was. so, after misao heard river reject her sympathy for her, a shallow breath left her mouth before she could stop it as she rearranged the position of her legs. no longer were they taking part in the ' open ' body language that misao usually tried to display in front of patients. they were crossed now instead, while she silently evaluated river from where she sat.

whatever she was going to do now, misao knew that she couldn't allow herself to vent to the other in any way, since that'd be grossly unprofessional. and she wanted to be known as a good psychiatrist; because that did mean that patients would continue to be sent to her, then subsequently (sometimes) be eaten by her, which is a cycle that she needed to keep going to live as they were her primary food source now. though she still wasn't a perfect one by any stretch as her own personal biases were running through her head right now and she had to take a step back to return back to being neutral towards river. misao tapped her fingers along the chair she sat on for a moment, before she finally spoke, head tilting faintly to the right.

❝ mm. well... i sincerely regret if i have upset you, river. that was not my intention at all when i said i'm sorry you had to suffer through that. whenever you say you don't need it, is it because you think that i am viewing you in a negative light? because i assure you that that is certainly not the case, ❞ she stated this plainly and with confidence in her voice. misao truly didn't look down at people with scars, not only because she had a few of her own, but because she'd grown up in an environment where they were viewed as signs that you had survived something. thus... she believed that you shouldn't have to hide them, especially given the fact that doing so often resulted in more negative thoughts being produced by someone than before, that usually had a close correlation to depression and anxiety. but misao supposed that maybe river saw her pity towards the unfortunate circumstances that caused them to be inflicted upon her as her believing that she was somehow more superior than river herself.

she didn't know for sure, though, which is exactly why she thought to ask river more about it the next time she had the chance. ❝ i don't think that i am better than anyone here, river, if that has something to do with it? i understand how it may not seem like this but feeling pity for someone helps us to be empathetic towards others because it is an emotion. and thus, it can break us out of our current mindset, then allow us to attune to the thoughts and feelings of another person. i'm not doing it to be malicious towards you in any way. though i do have a question regarding your attitude towards it, if you'd be so king as to answer it — do you not like receiving pity just from me personally or from others altogether? you can be honest with me, as i promise you that my skin is a lot thicker than it looks. ❞

that much she was certain of, misao thought, while she wrote something down on her notepad before turning her attention back to river. ❛ riversong has expressed disapproval towards the concept of pity during my first session with her. i intend to proceed by gently steering the conversation to figuring out why. ❜ misao gave her a blink-and-you'll-miss-it smile then to try to ease the tension in the room. if river outright told her about it now, then that was good with her, but it would also be okay if they had to circle back to it. it was true that they still had quite some time left in their session.

[gollumpanties]

I agree with pretty much everything here, to be honest. I also have a harder time typing my thoughts on this than I do speaking them, but I'm going to make an attempt at least.

It's very very true that it's a Bethesda game, for better or worse, at its core and I think it also suffers quite a bit from the Came Out Right After Baldur's Gate 3 Curse because honestly, trying to compete with that game is brutal.

I understand a lot of the criticisms concerning loading screens and fast travel and I agree with them, but it's not a deal-breaker for me. It does hamper my preferred Bethesda playstyle of "start walking towards a quest objective and get distracted for the next 4 hours by things I find along the way", but whatever. I play The Sims 4. I can steel myself to loading screens and adapt. Is it ideal? No. But, like I said, not a deal-breaker for me.

My personal beef with the game so far (and, to be clear, I am continuing to play it despite this) is that to me it feels completely incoherent when it comes to any sort of narrative theme. There's nothing for my English Lit nerd brain to latch onto. Maybe it's because I haven't finished the main plot yet (though I've thoroughly spoiled myself about it), but I just can't articulate what concepts the game is asking me to think about at all.

Fallout in its very premise has the "destructive consequences of unchecked consumption and xenophobia" built in. I know Fallout 4 gets criticized (rightfully so in many ways - though I seem to be one of the few who actually prefers a voiced protagonist for my roleplaying) but it also tosses around one of my very favorite tropes, the concept of how far someone has to get from humanity before they're no longer considered a person, as well as the entire vibe of being one of the only people who remembers an entirely different world. (Nick Valentine romance WHEN, Todd???) Elder Scrolls leans into Fantasy Politics for its themes, which just happens to be another personal fave of mine lol, as well as Fucking Insane Mythology. Starfield has yet to give my brain anything like that to rotate at length.

MAIN PLOT SPOILERS (obvs)

The whole Hunter/Emissary conflict seems like a pretty obvious "grab whatever power you're strong enough to claim" vs "power should be guarded against whoever would use it irresponsibly" but I didn't feel like either of them said much to make their positions seem compelling.

Unity as a concept was very interesting when it was first introduced -- I liked the little sidequest to talk to people from various philosophies and learn little bits of mythology -- but it feels like (at least so far) the entire deeper question of "what is Unity?" has been completely dropped. It's a place, it's a mechanism to hop between realities, it's something all Starborn are drawn to(?). The entire mythology-seeking mission framed it as an intense existential question, and the reality so far feels so. Flat. The entire main plot tbh is set up to be this deep almost philosophical question about reality/realities and existence and yet I'm still struggling to make out what it's trying to say about it.

Considering that all the Starborn seem almost compelled to seek out the artifacts and try and reach Unity, and that the main plot's end is pushing the player to become Starborn themselves, there's just none of that magnetic pull that the Hunter and Emissary assure me they all feel. The game has given me no really compelling reason to find Unity so far other than "to finish the questline" and left the overall thematic meaning of Unity completely hollow.

It's a huge problem for me, roleplay-wise, because it's really hard to come up with reasons my character would be invested in any of this.

Another problem that I'm butting up against is perhaps more a problem for me personally than it might be for others... I just. Am struggling to get invested in the lore. It feels like we have Generic Space Humans, Generic Space Humans 2 (Yeehaw Flavor), and then Various Raiders, without any meaningful disinction between them other than the metaphorical paint color. Maybe when I get deeper into faction quests the differences will become clearer, but it sure would help "muh immersion" if I were treated at all differently from area to area. Even just notable differences between what things count as contraband between UC and Freestar scans would help. (To be fair, you could argue that there's about as much distinction between the Crimson Fleet and random spacers as there is between the Gunners and random raiders in Fallout 4. That's completely fair.)

I respect the decision to not include sapient alien species in this universe, but one of the really big things they do, lore and aesthetic-wise, in games like Mass Effect is that by their very alien-ness they make it less jarring that the humans are functionally a monolith. If they're not going to have alien cultures in a space exploration game then ideally the human cultures should be making up the difference. In the Elder Scrolls universe even amongst the humans they feel different. There feels like there's a clear distinction between Bretons and Nords, for example. Hell, between Bretons and Imperials even.

It's been 180 years since they announced that Earth would soon become uninhabitable and only 131 since the last fleet left the planet, but people treat Earth like no one's cared about it in a thousand years. Like. It wasn't that long ago??? The huge varieties of governments have been boiled down to two and society as a whole has been upended, and yet we've still painstakingly recreated exploitative corporate capitalism for some reason. If there's an actual reason, then that would be fine! It would be cool! Were corporations like Space Amazon the ones who bankrolled and controlled the ships leaving Earth and used their weight to ensure their continued chokehold on the economy? Maybe! But we don't really talk about it at all, in a genre that traditionally is built around Saying Things About Societal Structures.

In fairness to them, because I am also a loud defender of Mass Effect Andromeda on the grounds that we can't judge its depth by comparing it to the entire Trilogy's worth of development... this is the first game in this universe, ever. Maybe the lore will build on itself and become more complex. The Elder Scrolls and Fallout have both had years and years to develop their universes. ... It still leaves me struggling with where Starfield stands right now.

I could rant longer (don't ask me about the First Contact questline I'll explode, and also I believe another video essay already laid out the reasons why I hate that quest) but I think this at least broadly covers my issues with the game.

Also! I am still playing the game! I might not stream it regularly for much longer, but there is enough here to keep me coming back! I want to get a lot deeper into base-building in the future and I want to sink my teeth into all the faction quests and sidequests I can get my hands on. I loved the "explore the ruins of NASA" quest and the storyline and discoveries there had me actually both horrified and enthralled. 😂 I thought the (spoilers) attack on Constellation mission was intense and had me stressed in the best possible way. I made split-second decisions based on character impulses! It was great!

I appreciate the more detailed companion questlines and romances, though I would prefer a greater spread in uhhhhh moralities? But still.

Fighting and clearing out areas is still the ultimate Bethesda-style fun. As always, I play speechcraft/stealth archer all the time, so that means Fuck Yeah Sniper Rifles. Genuinely having a blast modding guns and sniping raiders from a thousand miles away. Also I love scanning things. Love to check shit off a list. Extremely satisfying. Would like to garden more tbh. Todd plz give me an extensive farming system please and thank you.

I do wish the clutter acted more like it does in Fallout 4 and I could recycle it into materials because the sheer disappointment I felt when I saw duct tape, had an ecstatic Pavlovian response and picked it up, and then only later discovered that it was utterly useless. Defnitely something I'm planning to tweak with mods lol.

Also! I'm really excited to see where the modding scene goes! I'm the kind of person who runs Bethesda games with 100+ mods at all times, so my experience might be somewhat hampered by the fact that we're still in early days when it comes to mods. The ultimate strength of these games has always been their insane modding scenes, so I'm real stoked about that.

Anyway, that was a lot. I want to be as fair as I can, so I know a lot of my issues personally come from a storytelling and worldbuilding perspective. I am a [Plumbella voice] whore for lore, so it rustles my jimmies in particular when I encounter frustrating or unsatisfying worldbuilding.

Uhhhhh hope this is even marginally useful lol. I'm def willing to expand on/explain any part of it too. 👍

hey besties on tumblr! what are your thoughts on starfield?

tell me your praises and criticisms of it, whether you’ve just seen gameplay or it or have actually played it yourself!

(this is for a video essay, so your response may be featured in it)