#i can fit into a boys 18/20. which is hard to find but there's a website i found with LOTS of stuff in that size

[houseofwolvess]

i hate being short but also it's kinda nice bc i can still fit into some kids clothing and im going to use this to buy myself a sonic hoodie for christmas

[aritany]

On Identity: The Truth

Content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, references to self harm and suicide.

I’ve been keeping secrets my whole life.

I’m 10 and I’m listening to my dad at the dinner table, who I know to be the most trustworthy person in the world. He talks about the legalization of marriage between two people of the same sex and asks us to consider the implications. Where do we draw the line in the sand? Legalizing gay marriage paves the way for legalizing pedophilia, after all. If a union between two men or two women isn’t disrespecting the sanctity of marriage, what’s next? Marriage between men and animals?

I’m 11 the first time I hear it: “It doesn’t matter how low I set the bar for you, you still can’t reach it.”

I’m confused and afraid—I’m trying so hard—but I hear it then, and again, and again, spoken low in disappointment, shouted with a vein popping in her forehead, cold like a fact, and it sinks in, bone deep.

I’m 12 with my first crush on a girl. I’m not confused, I know that’s what it is—I want to kiss my friend, and I already know not to talk about it. Never to talk about it. It isn’t safe.

I’m 13 and doubting. I throw myself into fitting in. I pick the right boys to like and I go overboard, and I do like them, I do, I do, I want them to like me, I want to be their friend. I want to be their equal, but that’s not quite how the story goes, so I settle for trying to hold hands with somebody I desperately crave respect from, but that’s wrong too, I learn. 

I’m 14 and convicted. How could this be wrong? I brush hands with a girl in choir and we meet eyes and I know. I watch a gay kiss on TV and I sob into my hands and I tell no one, no one, no one.

I’m 15 and I come out to my mom, haltingly, with the terminology that I have, because the thought of hiding forever—keeping quiet through one more dinner—kills me.

She tells me no. She tells me I’m wrong.

I look in her eyes and I understand: it’s not an option, and it never will be.

I’m 15 and I do my best to stop there.

It doesn’t work.

I’m 16 when I first hear my mom say that you can love someone and not approve of their lifestyle. I wonder what kind of love that is. I wonder how that kind of diluted, half-hearted, patronizing love can be enough for anyone. I wonder if she’s thought about how that feels, to be told that who you are—not by choice—is fundamentally wrong.

I’m 16 and a boyfriend is a shield. The right choice, so I make it, and it’s even almost fun. I love being his friend. I’m afraid of anything more.

I’m 17 and my youngest sibling whispers, “So am I.”

My heart breaks for the pain they’ll experience, as they too are taught, painstakingly, how to hate themself. Which parts of themself have to be kept hidden, which parts are shameful. They sit at that dinner table and hear the rhetoric that pushed me to the brink and over it, and I hope they’re stronger than I am.

They aren’t.

I’m 18 and my mom works at a college for the performing arts. I sit and curdle quietly while she talks about her genderqueer students. Misgenders them behind their backs. Deadnames used flippantly. She knows better, after all. She can be the expert on somebody else’s identity. They’re mentally ill, all of them. None of them are happy. They’re searching for something only God can provide.

I’m 19 and I come out as bisexual to the man I’m certain I’m going to marry, tearing the secret out like a bandage fused to skin. He tells me of course it’s fine, that he supports who I am. Of course people like me should have rights, of course. I laugh, relieved. Later, I find out this moment was almost a dealbreaker for him, and I wonder how much was ever real.

I’m 20 and I’m out. I’m 20 and I’m free. I’m 20 and I believe, because I’ve been told, that I am loved for who I am. All of who I am. I still flinch when I hear a car door slam.

I’m 21 and I’m searching for the connection to my womanhood. I’m searching for what makes a woman a woman. I’m reading gender theory and talking to friends around the world and wondering exactly what it is that I’m missing.

What does the rest of the world know that I don’t?

I’m 22 when my marriage ends because my body might not be attractive to my husband one day, and my parents email him in support and solidarity, expressing sympathy, and I’m not surprised.

I’m 22, and standing up for who I am has cost me everything. A spouse, two sets of parents, financial security, a city’s worth of community, more childhood friends than I can count. My parents tell me to go back in the closet so my ex-husband will love me. To them, his frustration is understandable, of course—by presenting androgynously, I’m betraying my marriage vows, after all.

I wonder, stunned into silence, where I promised to look like a woman.

I’m 23 when I come out to my parents for the third time; not as bisexual, not as trans, but as hurt. 

I lay out the pain of the last decade as succinctly as I can, hoping they’ll hear. When I assert that yes, to be in relationship with me, use of my name and pronouns is a requirement, my mother jokes, “Well, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

It’s not a joke.

I see the flash in her eyes, the instant regret as she laughs it off like it’s funny, but it isn’t.

The kid sitting at the dinner table knows it’s not a joke. The kid who listened to countless lectures on the morality of queerness knows it’s not a joke. The kid who stood with shaking hands and tried to bleed out the bad knows it’s not a joke. Years of casual bigotry taught me how to hate myself, which parts of myself I should cross out and ignore, which parts of myself I should be ashamed of.

I’m 23, and I have finally unlearned shame, and when I ask my parents to see me, the joke is that I’m a terrorist. I’m unreasonable.

The shock of it becomes a balm, later on.

Some jokes aren’t funny.

Some jokes aren’t jokes at all.

I’m 24 and I’m learning that it’s scary to be alone. Bigotry made me an orphan and made us strangers, and knowing that it’s the right choice to stand up for myself doesn’t make it any easier. I’m learning the only way out is through, if you’re not squeamish:

Cut off the part of yourself that’s 7 years old standing outside of their bedroom because the nightmare had teeth and claws and they are the heroes that will hold you close and make it warm again.

Amputate.

Cauterize.

Don’t let them see you bleed.

I’m learning that the wound takes a long, long time to close.

I’m 25 as I write this, and I am proud of who I am, even if I’m still bleeding. All of who I am. It’s taken a long time for me to let that person see the sun, but here we are, basking in the glow. Those wounds are healing. I am visible for everyone else who whispers, “So am I.”

Your sunshine will come. Your sunshine will come. 

Your sunshine will come.

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

You know how girls have this sixth sense or guts feelings about a guy having ability to be dangerous person or like 'oh this person can be fucked up' . Do you think this is what happen with those 20 girls rejecting shinichiro sano? Like if it was 3-5 I can say bad luck ? But 20? I know most of the fandom say the girls are blind or shinichiro flirting skills are well bad enough making him desperate or it is him being a leader of the gang in Japan where it is seen in negative image. But c'mon universally teenage girls love a bad boy image. I don't think out of those 20 girls didn't find shinichiro sano attractive with all these qualities. I love Shin but 20 rejection in reality straight up a red flag?

20 appears as a funny hyperbole at first, and it sure was used for comedic effects but I agree Shinichiro has unsettling flaws (to say it nicely). Transposing the number '20' to real life could appear off.

Shinichiro is indeed a delinquent (and the leader of a whole gang of them, who reached Japan's number 1 spot - that's not nothing) and is seen by all the characters we know as an endearing idiot with a heart of gold. And yet no girl fell for it. Good for them, they deserve better than making the experience of being with Shinichiro. They wouldn't have known what they'd have signed up for..

Shinichiro is a red flag in himself once you see pass the 'perfect brother, perfect friend' mask. He is a 'good person' but only because his life didn't make it so he saw a point to doing 'mean things' - he's not against the idea, we know about Original Timeline. 'It's because he didn't have Mikey anymore!' I don't think one's morals should be dependent on another's well-being. (I eat that shit up everytime in fiction, and I love messed up characters, Shinichiro fits both and I love that, and i love him, but it'd be daring to say he's a good person knowing everything he did - and knowing we ignore a lot more stuffs). Sure he was a 14 y/o but he still named his gang after an irl ultranationalist organization (knowing how Japan hides and denies its past, I wonder how he knows about that), he brought his 8 y/o brother to a gang meeting when he was 18, his idea of bonding with Izana was showing him how to act like a delinquent, etc. Original Timeline makes him even more of a red flag but considering the additional factors behind his behavior at that time, it's possible to think (and whether it's right or wrong I don't know, interpretations vary and sometimes Shinichiro is very hard to grasp, I have troubles with him at times) his behavior there wouldn't ever manifest had it been not for this exact situation of losing Mikey (and what was left of his family on the way).

And yeah, Shinichiro would never be as violent, impulsive and hostile as when Mikey dies - but those things didn't stem from nowhere. There's definitively crumbs of it even when Mikey's doing well. He's got trauma he refuses to address (parents' death, parentification, ...) which.. I can see as cradle for some toxic positivity - being portrayed as perfect, good and kind until OG timeline, we only ever see him smile until he loses Mikey. And when he tries therapy it doesn't work.

One thing you can't take away from Shinichiro though, is that he's earnest, he has not an ounce of malice in him. If he deceives people (by making them believe he's perfectly imperfect) it's not intentional because he himself sees himself as the image most see him as. That's worse in some way, because he really is unaware of how harmful he can be - he's a red flag but he sincerely thinks he's good, he never purposely intends to hurt anyone. He loves to help out his loved ones and he'd probably do the same to strangers, but he also sucks at assessing their pain or any kind of repercussions in any given context (ex: treating Haruchiyo's 'slashing his friends because they badmouthed Mikey' incident lightly, abruptly disbanding Black Dragon and seemingly not doing anything for Takeomi's distress, downplaying Sanzu's scars, ...). He's an enabler, too. If a loved one were to say '[x] makes me happy!' then he'd let them to [x] even if it actually harms them - he wouldn't see how that can be wrong, since they're happy.

The fact they were so much makes me doubt of the seriousness of his feelings I have to admit. While he has a lot of love to give and is genuine in his interactions with others (unless they're twisted by denial, ie: OG timeline Shinichiro acting happy and fine), it appears as if he's just desperate to have a girlfriend - without caring who it may be. It seems very shallow, does he even know the girls? If they don't know him it'd explain a bit why they didn't accept. If we restrain those love confessions to his Black Dragon years he has confessed to five girls each year - almost one for each season, one every 2 month and a half or so on average. That's fast lol.

After that we could talk about the possible reasons why he was so eager to have someone; ranging from 'typical teen wishing to acquire relationship experience' to 'thinking he needs to provide his little siblings with a mother figure because he can only fulfill the father figure role' by way of 'needing to save the family's face after their father's cheating get spread' but.. I don't want to develop them more, and they aren't really the topic at hand here.

Another issue that could arose from a relationship is that he'd put Mikey and his family first before anything else - that's a hard true and that needs to be accepted quickly too, no girl could ever be his number one priority no matter how desperate he sounds to have one.

One may say his inability to get girls is a difference between him and Takemichi — the fact Takemichi got Hinata as a girlfriend because she fell for him, got Emma to almost sleep with him, and got Yuzuha to have a crush on him. But we're used to comparing those two silly guys and thinking they both function the same way and by so, Takemichi being an idiot but still good at heart, Shinichiro can't possibly be a red flag. It's the kind of thing the story doesn't make you instinctively overthink, I think. We have clues on how Shinichiro is as a person once we scrap the surface of TR and starts to dig, but we really have nothing about how he'd be in a relationship, how he'd act toward a significant other - and picturing him as another Takemichi is just something that the story makes us do throughout the entirety of it so it feels logical for a time to give Shinichiro the same traits.

[spaceyaceface]

Ace's HL Writing Challenge

Well folks, we did it!!! After five long years, this blog has reached 1,100 followers, which is amazing!!! As a thank you, I wanted to celebrate your talent by doing a Hogwarts Legacy writing challenge! More inforamation under the cut :)

How it will work:

I'm keeping it pretty simple. The rules are down below. To sign up, simply send me an ask with the prompt number and character/ship you'll be writing for. For now, we'll do just one person per a prompt, but that may change depending on how much participation there is.

When you've written your work, just post here on tumblr and tag me! I'll be reblogging each of the works that are submitted and giving positive feedback!

The rules:

Must be focused on characters from Hogwarts Legacy. AUs, adding OCs, etc, is more than welcome, but make sure that it involves characters from the game.

That being said, it can be ANY characters from the game! It can be x reader/MC, ships of two characters from the game, or not have any romance and just the dynamics of different characters. Whatever tickles your fancy!

Please, no NSFW or smut. Keep things PG-13 for this one :)

No word limits---just have fun!

You don't need to use the exact prompt in your work. You can do so if you choose, or rephrase it, or just go off of vibes alone lol.

The Prompts:

I will keep this updated for what prompts are/aren't available. All of these are song lyrics, and a playlist of all the songs used is available down below :)

"I was never one for short endings or cheap goodbyes." @shiinzhon

2. "I still don't know how to get to you." @talesofesther Sebastian x Reader

3. "I hear a storm is coming in--My dear, is it all we've ever been?"

4. "You go to find another place for your sun to shine."

5. "For the record, I've made my hell."

6. "I will wait for you, though I can't wait forever."

7. "Let's dance until the sun aches, love until our bones break." @shadowtriovibes Sebastian x MC

8. "Expectation is the currency of fools, and I spent it on you." @boomingsmile

9. "Now I feel like I'm finally me."

10. "I pretended I could read your thoughts, now it's just the truth."

11. "I'm in love when you're around."

12. "Can you hold on just for a little while longer?"

13. "I lost you when I lost me."

14. "I've done so many things wrong, I don't know if I can do right."

15. "A man can never dream these kinds of things."

16. "If I shut my eyes, will you appear? Because I'm not me without you here."

17. "Lonely are the ones who fall from love."

18. "One look and it all falls down."

19. "Even while you hold me as I cry on the floor, I still don't know how to be yours."

20. "If you're leaving I gotta know why."

21. "All my emotions feel like explosions when you're around."

22. "I want to find a home and I want to share it with you." @shadowtriovibes MC x TBD

23. "I like you, say it back."

24. "How can I be the boy you dream about?” @ravenelyx Sebastian x MC

25. "Just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms."

26. "I hope I'm not the last of what the world gave you.”

27. "We thought love was something we weren't meant to find."

28. “I was afraid to let it happen, but now I cannot forget it.”

29. "I could cut my hands on your edges, but I won't pull away."

30. "I swore that I'd become a better man for you and I tried." @sallow-tales Sebastian x MC

31. "I usually hate these cliches, but loving you feels that way." @eggymf

32. "The funny thing about love is it makes you wait."

33. "It's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning." @localravenclaw - Sebastian x f!MC

34. "It happened when I least expected it." @finalgirllx

35. "And we wait until one of us caves." @emptycauldron

Playlist link

[localariesenemy]

Rivals Series Playlist

Okay, so this will be the first ever post I’ll do on this app and I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry about it being about a Yuri on Ice fanfic from years ago that haven’t left me since the first time I read it.

This is a list of songs you can listen to here that I thought fit Yuuri and Viktor’s feels in the Rivals series by @kazliin, which you can find here:

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches

Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts

Rivals- Past, Present and Future

I’m not kidding when I say it’s absolutely life changing (I reread it every year so safe to say it’s my absolute favorite). I would like to list down every single lyric and the intricacies of how I arranged the songs in order but the sane part of my brain is refraining me from doing so. Let’s just say that I followed the progression of both POVs and matched that up with the lyrics of the songs.

It’s almost 4 hours of pure feels so buckle up, here we go.

1. You’re Still a Mystery- Bleachers

2. State of Grace- Taylor Swift

3. Into My Arms- COIN

4. See Through- The Band CAMINO

5. Untouchable- Taylor Swift

6. O Mio Babbino Caro- Giacomo Pucini

7. You Are In Love- Taylor Swift

8. gold rush- Taylor Swift

9. Belle- The Shock Band

10. I Can See You- Taylor Swift

11. Crashing- ILLENIUM, Bahari

12. Movement- Hozier

13. Sun and Moon- Claude-Michel Schönberg, Lea Salonga, Simon Bowman

14. On My Own- Lea Salonga

15. Say Don’t Go- Taylor Swift

16. Let The Light In- Lana Del Rey, Father John Misty

17. K.- Cigarettes After Sex

18. Say My Name Cover- Hozier

19. illicit affairs- Taylor Swift

20. Foolish One- Taylor Swift

21. Never Change- COIN

22. Felt This Way- Carly Rar Jepsen

23. So Close- Jon McLaughlin

24. Magkasuyo Buong Gabi- Agsunta

25. Dark Eyes- The Broln Czech Radio Orchestra

26. Wake Me- Bleachers

27. First Light- Hozier

28. First Time- Hozier

29. Break My Fall- Doc Robinson

30. Pretty Boy- The Neighbourhood

31. TALK ME DOWN- Troye Sivan

32. Fucked My Way Up To The Top- Lana Del Rey

33. The Louvre- Lorde

34. august- Taylor Swift

35. The Other- Lauv

36. Somewhere Only We Know- Keane

37. Fire Meet Gasoline- Sia

38. Don’t Let Me Go- Cigarettes After Sex

39. Francis Forever- Mitski

40. Like a River Runs- Bleachers

41. You Are In Love- Taylor Swift

42. Daylight- Taylor Swift

43. One And Only- Adele

44. Water Under the Bridge- Adele

45. The Last Time- Taylor Swift, Gary Lightbody

46. Bravado- Lorde

47. The Archer- Taylor Swift

48. Falling Slowly- Glen Hansard, Markéta Irglová

49. The Night We Met- Lord Huron

50. Yuri on ICE- Taro Umebayashi

51. Long Live- Taylor Swift

52. Holy Ground- Taylor Swift

53. I Love You Always Forever- Donne Lewis

Forgive me for the abundance of Taylor Swift, she clearly read the Rivals series and made those songs for them specifically.

I tried my best to incorporate both POVs but I think it leaned too Viktor-centric. However, my fav Yuuri song on here is Bravado, it captured his anxiety during the Scandal so well and I resonate with that. It was hard to pick for Viktor but One And Only really stood out to me, it reads like his plea to Yuuri. BUT if I had to choose one song to explain their dynamic it’s Untouchable, applicable for both Yuuri and Viktor and just as heartbreaking.

[thisapplepielife]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I'm very belated for this, but thanks for the tag @hbyrde36!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18! But a lot of those are in the Wildflowers series. (Maybe it should have been chaptered? I still don't know what the right answer was, lol.)

So, I basically have 3 things to read, if you count the two parts of the Jagged Little Pill series as one, and I always do. Wildflowers is for those that wanted more of Tuesday's, and not that many people wanted to read Tuesday's in the first place, haha. So it's a niche of a niche. But I hold it close to my heart, and it makes me happy that a few of you have been so on board with it, too. ❤️

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

487,289. Which is kind of crazy. I just looked, and I started writing You Oughta Know on July 30th, 2022. From then until today, that's 457 days. That's averaging over 1,000 words a day. That seems wild. (And I've got a lot of unpublished words still in the chamber, haha.)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Stranger Things right now, but I'm not opposed to branching out as the mood strikes. I think I'd love to take on David/Patrick of Schitt's Creek someday.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Take the Money and Run (by a country mile, lol)

You Oughta Know

I'm Brave, But I'm Chicken Shit

Tuesday's Gone With the Wind

You Don't Know How It Feels (I didn't realize it had overtaken the first part of Wildflowers, so that's fun! More readers must have enjoyed the look at the Corroded Coffin boys, and I dig it.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I definitely try to respond to them all. Sometimes I'm a little slow about it though, sorry!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I like a happy ending. But Time to Move On, I guess? It's just a part of a series, so it's not like the ending is permanently sad, but that one does end at a sad point in their lives.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them are pretty happy, but I'm partial to the epilogue ending of Take the Money and Run. That will always have my heart. ❤️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a very little, so I feel pretty lucky.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and I write what fits the larger story, I hope. I've written M/M and F/M, so far. I haven't done a full PWP, though some of the parts of Wildflowers were supposed to be that, but the dang plot kept getting in the way. Whoops.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Just little brief ones, so far. There's a couple in Take the Money and Run that I find fun, but if you don't get them, I don't think they detract from the story.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, and I'm not sure it'd work for most of my stuff, with all the mixed media.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I'm not sure how good I'd be at that. I write by jumping all over the place. That'd probably be annoying for someone else to deal with, lol!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time? Man, that's hard. I'm obviously deep in a Steddie hole at the moment. But I'll go with my first. Pacey and Joey of Dawson's Creek. They brought me into fandom, into fic, so they get the gold star. (For more current ships, definitely Steddie and David & Patrick of Schitt's Creek.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't really post anything I'm not basically finished with. But from my private stash, I like the idea of Here You Come Again, but I just have been writing other stuff. I'm going to take on my other Steddie (Untitled, But Not Really) WIP during NaNoWriMo. I've never done that before, so I thought might be fun, since I saw you can go rogue and write 50,000 words on something that isn't brand spanking new. So, even if that fic doesn't need 50,000 words to finish (and I'm not sure it does) it might give me the push to try to finish it up. I've been sitting on my hands on it since I decided to sign up, which is fine, I needed to finish up Wildflowers. (And get ahead on my Steddie Holiday Drabbles: I've finished 8 of the 30 so far.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

From the comments, I'm going to go with that I can make readers laugh from time to time, which makes me so happy. I also like to dig into the research.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Um, also the research, lol. Sometimes I'll be researching until I'm just wasting time. Some things really don't matter in the big picture. (But they do to me!!) And I need to learn to let them go.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

That's not something I've done, I don't think. But I have tried to respond to comments that were written in a different language using Google Translate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dawson's Creek. Many, many moons ago. At the turn of the millennium. (That's fun to say, ha!)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Unpopular opinion time! I know Take the Money and Run is more popular. By, well, a lot. And I do love it. It gave me the bug to write long fic again. But I have big feelings for Tuesday's Gone With the Wind. It was such an undertaking. All the mixed media. The endless research. And I fell in love with those characters in the process.

It wasn't as popular as TtMaR, but that's okay. It makes me very happy that it reached even as many people as it did. I know that author's note was enough to scare anyone away, haha. Add in the CNTW and it's amazing anyone read it at all. Thanks to those of you that did! You've made me so happy. ❤️

I'm so late for this, I'm not gonna tag, but if you haven't done it and want to, please do!!

[sherrymagic]

For the QL asks: 5, 18 & 20. Thank you! 💜💜

thank you so much Jane for these, had a lot of fun (especially with number 18, was hoping someone would ask for that one aaaaa) 🩷

5. Who is the Asian ql villain you most love to hate?

one of the very few villains that i actually hate, and i love to hate him because he makes sense, he feels like he's well written, nuanced in his story villain nature, and that's what makes the hate so strong and real. i can see what he's doing and why and he still manages to surprise me with his behavior while still totally seeing where it's coming from, so i can hate him for the reasons i love to hate on a character for. also Mek is hot and funny which helps with the love part of this hdbsnsm

18. You get to pick a side character from two different qls to put in a show as a main pairing--who are you choosing and what kind of story is it?

had at least 4 options here but i'll keep the others in case anyone else asks for this question and i choose to go with a gl crackship that's totally not based on the way my souls craves for a CiizeEarn pairing in a lesbian romcom

SOOOO i would love for Charoen to finally get rid of Ton's obnoxious presence and go to a college fair where surprise suprise there's this girl that she initially mistakes for her friend's sister Alpha because they look so much alike (always hated the doppelganger trope but this is different because i say so) but quickly realizes it's not her. Charoen wants to choose a practical major or maybe religious/esoteric related one with the thought of following up her own family's footsteps but finds it hard to leave the art stand being somewhat enchanted by Fai's presence. the two of them end up talking at the end of the fair and Charoen expresses interest in the art major despite never taking it into proper consideration before. time goes by and she doesn't really see Fai again but she keeps often resurfacing in her mind until she starts college herself and despoite going for some other faculty she still chose the same university just because she wanted to geta chance to see her again. they actually do meet again and Fai is very busy with third year stuff and always tired but still manages to give her her support every time they meet. Charoen ends up signing up for some art related club that Fai is hosting at university, they spend more and more time together for some project related to decorating the uni or making a mural or something, the point is whatever this club is doing should lead to the gl version of the Elu (Skam France) paint scene. for reference, this is what i'm talking about:

lesbians making out covered in paint, can you imagine that?? no clear idea about the conflict but canon 23.5 told us Charoen is in the bi/pan spectrum while Fai so far had no indication reguarding not being straight, so there could be either family drama or gay crisis involved. all i know it's romcom shaped with some angsty but not too heavy parts, girls being pretty criers, fights on empty streets at night, almost breakup, and super happy ending. meaningful cameos of 23.5 and We Are characters are well accepted in this imaginary show.

20. We are retelling your favorite Asian ql from the POV of a side character--who is taking over the story and what do they have to say about the mains?

this one is hard because i don't even know which one my fave would be? the one i would ove the most to be retold in another character's perspective would be Only Friends but i wouldn't call that one a fave of mine lmao. so of the ones within my faves list... Not Me would be interesting from my favorite bitch boy Todd's pov, for the way the show was built i've always felt like they could have showed and say more about him. a ToddBlack past romance that the main characters from the original show never knew about would also fit. the novel isn't really helping with forming an idea here because reading that one revealed that the show surprisingly did a lot of things better queer erasure aside so... i'm leaving this at that bsdsnskd

— Asian QL Ask Game ♡

[akwardlyuncool]

Akward Class Favorites The Playlist 2023

I thank y'all for being here. I thank myself for being here. Somehow you and I made it through another year and another Akward Class Favorites and that is a win in my book. I do this thing, whatever this is, because it brings me joy. Regardless of all the missing pieces or the things that will show up later cause I lost them in the couch, I'm still trying my best to show up for that joy. Before I officially close us out though, we gotta phat playlist to listen to. I'm also gonna add in some life-notes, cause I like to talk and I overshare and what better way to do that, than through an annotated playlist. Once again, thank you for sticking around and if you're new here thank you for showing up. As always conversation are encouraged on this blog. Let's see what comes next.

_________________________________________________________________

Notes:

This is not a strictly 2023 playlist, but the 2023 songs will be clearly marked.

There is a story or flow that I tried to create once again, but you do not need to know any of that to follow along with the playlist. You can listen in order, shuffle, pick and choose, do whatever you want.

That being said if you’re following along from the beginning and reading along, the anecdotes that follow many of the songs aren’t really apart of that story, they’re just extra pieces of sometimes “personal” information that I include because it’s fun for me.

When I’m collecting YouTube links for these songs, I’ll often find a live or alternate version that I really like and will share that instead, or in addition to, the original/studio version. I will note when I do this, however the full Spotify playlist will have the “correct” version.

And to make sure I included the YouTube links in general, the formatting for the whole post might be a little off, sorry.

Side note: I wrote all the songs how they show up in Spotify, which is why some are capitalized and some are not. (Just in case anyone was wondering.)

Key:

⭐️ = Songs that came out specifically in 2023 🕚 = Songs that came out in November/December of 2022. (You know the late babies.) ✊🏾 = Songs by/featuring Black Artists.

__________________________________________________________________

There is something here for literally EVERYONE, so if you don't find something you like, you didn't listen hard enough. Enjoy!

1. ⭐️ Gans Media Retro Games - Hot Mulligan

Why do I keep trying to spell Hot Mulligan as "Hott Mulligan?"

2. ⭐️ CHRONICALLY CAUTIOUS - Braden Baless

I relate to this song on a core level.

3. ✊🏾 Anxiety - Meg Thee Stallion

I know less than nothing about this current beef, but it's always gonna be team Meg!

4. I'D RATHER DIE - AS IT IS

It was a rough summer. People who know me in real life, I promise I'm fine.

5. ⭐️ Lost - Linkin Park

Happy 20th Anniversary to Meteora! These unearthed tracks fit that era so well.

6. ⭐️ Rational - Matt Maeson

Stop describing me lol.

7. ⭐️ No Shoes In The Coffee Shop “Or Socks” - Hot Mulligan

8. ⭐️ 20 Missed Calls - Braden Bales

The video is of a live session, but Spotify will have the recorded version.

9. How Do You Know It's Not Armadillo Shells? - Hot Mulligan

10. I Like to Hide in the Bathroom at Parties ft. The Knocks - Winnetka Bowling League

11. ✊🏾 Stupidfreak (Audiotree Live Version) - Juice

12. ⭐️ Nevermind - Between You & Me

13. Fake It - State Champs

14. ⭐️ It Won’t Be Like This Forever - Neck Deep

15. ⭐️ NEW LOVE - BOYS LIKE GIRLS

16. First Date (Acoustic Cover) - Taylor Acorn

17. PERRIER - Braden Bales

It's just so cute and it makes me want to find a crush and be in giddy kind love.

18. Sundress ft. Four Years Strong - State Champs

This song also makes me want to be in love.

19. Over My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray

Second first kisses or first second kisses? I definitely wanted to be there and wanted to do it again. Also it wouldn't hurt if you thought things would have gotten better the next time. This is filler a version cause the actual song that played was a heavy punk cover of this song and I don't know who sang it.

20. ⭐️ ✊🏾 Buckle Bunny - Tanner Adell

Be a little thot-y. Have a little fun. PS: This post has been written for quite some time now, but with the new conversations being had, I just want to add that Yoncé didn't invent Black Woman in Country music and she is not the revival of such things.

21. Nonsense - Sabrina Carpenter

Dress a little thot-y. Have a little fun. Flirt a little. Fall in love or hard core like.

22. ⭐️ Breakfast For Dinner - Winnetka Bowling League

This song is hella cute. Y'all don't understand how much I want to be in love.

23. ⭐️ The Places We’ll Go ft. Dashboard Confessional - Yellowcard

24. 🇵🇸 sun and moon - anees

My best friend had baby, but more relevant to this list, a baby-shower that was themed after the moon and the stars. She asked me to make the playlist and I understood the assignment. Free Palestine!

25. Spaceship - Andy Grammer

More baby shower playlist gems. Also this song is hella cute and I recommend it to all the parents.

26. Act Like That ft. Mitchell Tempenny - State Champs

27. An Irish Party in Third Class (Includes "John Ryan's Polka" and "Blarney Pilgrim") - Gaelic Storm

25th Titanic Anniversary in Imax 3D. Let's just say I finally got my "Dinner and A Movie," you know the one that Harriet The Spy was talking about.

28. ⭐️ ✊🏾 What’s The Move ft T-Pain - Watsky

29. ⭐️ FIGURE IT OUT ft. YNG Martyr and Stafford Beats - Chandler

I only really like Chandler's parts and if you heard this from this from TikTok, yes the Chandler Shimmy has a hold on me too.

30. ⭐️ THE OUTSIDE (Outsiders Version) ft. 30H!3, State Champs, The Summer Set and The Ready Set - Boys Like Girls

This collab is top tier and I'm still geeked about seeing most of them in one lineup. Also not to be rude, but what part does The Ready set do? I've been trying to figure out what he does and the answer doesn't seem to exist for me.

31. 31 - Mike Edel

32. Miles Apart - Yellowcard

This was my summer anthem for 2023. It's just such a perfect fit.

33. ⭐️ ONE MORE TIME - blink-182

PERFECT! No notes. It gives the same energy as Back Together by The Summer Set, both of them make me want to cry.

34. ⭐️ 2005 - Story Of The Year

I'm not mad at it. Let all the boys come back and reminisce, especially if it involves anniversary tours.

35. ⭐️ NOTHING LIKE THE LAST TIME - Watsky

I am celebrating. I am not crying. I promise you.

36. ⭐️ Don't - Wild Rivers

This song is so good, but I ran away from it because feelings are complicated and I thought I didn't know until I realized I did and then it was over. PS: You can always ask me how I feel or felt, conversations haven't expired yet.

37. 🕚 Forget Me (Piano Acoustic Version) - Lewis Capaldi

38. are you okay? - Winnetka Bowling League

This song is everything, moody, sad, caring…. all the feelings.

39. Untitled - Rex Orange County

40. ⭐️ That’s Not How This Works ft. Dan + Shay - Charlie Puth

41. ⭐️ That's Not How This Works (Sabrina's Version) ft. Dan + Shay and Sabrina Carpenter - Charlie Puth

You can skip this one if you want, I just listened to both versions back to back every time, so it was hard to not include both.

42. fiimiy (fuck it, i miss you - Live Version) ft. Demi Lovato - Winnetka Bowling League

Sometimes you just need to let yourself say the words, even if you don't act on them.

43. ⭐️ Heartbreak Of The Century - Neck Deep

I feel like I'm finally getting back into Neck Deep, not that I really stopped I just didn't listen to their last album and it feels so good to be back.

44. ⭐️ BLOOD AND SUGAR - BOYS LIKE GIRLS

I love this song so much, it's hella groovy, but I'm sorry I can't ignore the fact that it's essentially "why doesn't she like me?" or "why won't she go out with me, we're all just human?" Or hey to be more forgiving, "why does she make me feel this strongly if we're only 'blood and sugar?'"

45. ⭐️ Daddy Issues… - Bury Mia

46. MakeDamnSure (Cover) - Hot Mulligan

47. 31 - Soul Glo

This was the first song that popped up when I was looking for songs the day I turned 31 and I will say it's not for the white faint of hearts. It goes hella hard though.

48. Fuck You - The Used

49. *Equip Sunglasses* - Hot Mulligan

50. ⭐️ ✊🏾 Roll The Dice - Fluorescents

I walked around singing that 30 second bit from TikTok for a good minute there. I was probably annoying. Although I do enjoy the song, I wonder if TikTok is just feeding me pizza. Do I really like these songs or do I only like the 30 seconds I've heard 100 times. (I'm gonna make a playlist of my music folder on TikTok and get back to you on that one.)

51. Forward - Linkin Park

Songs 51-54 are what I considered to be my safe music for a period this summer cause I was just so sad and nothing was making me happy for the longest time, so thank you Linkin Park and Disperser CA for being the "good guys."

52. Breaking The Habit - Linkin Park

Again happy 20th Anniversary to Meteora, thanks for being there when I needed you.

53. ✊🏾 Snake Eyes - Disperser CA

54. ⭐️ Easier To Run (Lofi Version) - Less Gravity/Linkin Park

55. ⭐️ They Don't Make Pills For A Heartbreak - HONESTAV

I heard it late one night and wanted to cry.

56. Monsters - James Blunt

57. ⭐️ Cut Deep (Live Version) - Matt Maeson

I think this was from my date of the Never Had To Leave Tour, which makes it extra special.

58. I Need You - Relient K

TMI, I thought I was breaking up with my sister (will not provide any further details) and through this song, among others and prayer, we're comforting me. I'm okay, but still working on healing wounds.

59. Brown Skin Girl - Blue Ivy, SAINt JHN, Beyoncé & Wizkid

It's here in the name of my self love journey.

SPOTIFY LINK!

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I aged out of the lgbt center I'd been going to for year, which includes the trans group I'd been in, so I've been trying to find a new trans group to go to. I found two and have now attended both. Both are 18+ but one is predominantly people in their 20s, like myself, and the other is predominantly people 45 and over. So the first one is a bit more my speed, it's also more of a social group while the other is more of a support group. But the one that seems like it should be a better fit just will not acknowledge I exist. I'll go and sit at the table with them and no one will talk to me, if I try to say anything I'm ignored, and if I get up to go to the bathroom or anything someone takes my seat and I have to leave the table. And it seems to be just me, several new people have come in the couple meetings I've been to and have been immediately welcomed, including my sister.

The other group was more welcoming, but their were quite a few red flags. People adamant that men and women have different brains and that's how you can tell if someone is "really trans" and kids shouldn't be allowed any kind of transition without that brain scan to prove they're trans. And trans men always pass 100%, and trans women never pass because testosterone just changes your body so much more (said to me, a trans man who's had very little change from testosterone). And then, when I made a joke referring to my childhood self as a weird autistic girl, they were shocked because it's "so rare" for girls to have autism. And then the one person who sided with me that its not as uncommon as previously believed (who was also a former aba therapist) claimed that boys are diagnosed more because autism is only a disability for boys and its a 'superpower' for girls (her reasoning for this was that she's autistic and can perfectly transcribe music for a song she heard once 30 years ago). And there were a whole bunch of things like that.

I just want to find a way to make friends why is it so hard to do

[lovely-laurent]

Ok but: what if when they first met, Damen doesnt actually care that much about Laurent? I mean lets face it, he's 5 years younger than Damen and when youre 17, 18 years old, usually you arent that interested in the life of a 12, 13 yr old.

You know who DOES catch his eye though? Auguste. Come on. He's a cool older man, athletic, the pride of the entire country, equal to Damen in every way. But most of all? Blond and fair with blue eyes. Oh man.

Damen is smitten. He tries to woo him. It doesnt work out so well though. With all the grace of a teenager whos never been told "no" a day in his life, Damen puts the moves on Auguste. Auguste repeatedly turns him down, though very politely, always seeming to have an excuse as to why he can't find time to tumble in Damen's chambers, or always finding some distraction whenever Damen leans in too close with the intent of kissing him. ("Oh, im sorry Damianos, I have a meeting i have to attend, perhaps later..." "Oh, dear, would you look at the time? Supper will be ready any moment, we should go to the dining hall. What do you say?")

Years pass. Damen doesn't go back to Vere, partly out of embarrassment of his horribly failed attempy to seduce the now King. Vere doesn't go to Akielos, either, but the relationship between the two countries prospers.

Eventually, Damen HAS to go to Vere. Auguste is getting married, and it would be impolite for Damen to refuse to attend, despite how much he wants to. Nothing is more embarrassing than going to the wedding of a man you tried (and failed) to sleep with when you were 18. But he goes. For diplomacy.

While he's there, he's absolutely stunned when he sees Laurent, now 20, a grown man, and absolutely drop dead gorgeous. He's built, he's witty, hes cunning, he's tall, and he's strong. He's single. And he looks just like his older brother.

Damen cannot help himself. He feels like hes just stepped back in time, trying once again to woo a Veretian prince.

Laurent plays hard to get, but Damen can see it in his eyes, he wants Damen just as bad as Damen wants him. Laurent challenges him and his affections, which surprisingly only makes Damen more desperate for him. ("Do you expect me to bow at your feet like all the palace slaves or am I sufficient to meet you at eye level?" "Unfortunately you'll have to try a little bit harder than that, darling. Anyone can give a gift, but can you truly keep up with me?")

He's nothing like Auguste, not really. He's all the pieces of a personality Auguste never picked up --- he's daring, competitive, scheming, crude, and to be frank, he frightens Damen. Flirting with someone had never been so exciting before.

When they do end up in bed together, Damen feels as though a part of him is whole. They fit together just perfectly, like they were made for one another. Damen won't be satisfied to let this happen only once --- he NEEDS Laurent like he needs air to breathe. He proposes a courtship, which Laurent accepts without hesitation.

One day, long into their courtship, Laurent confesses that he'd had a crush on Damen since he was 12. Damen, honest, tells him he tried to have sex with Auguste. Laurent says he knew, and that Auguste probably would have accepted, except Laurent had begged him not to. Damen imagines it fondly, a 12 year old boy begging his older brother to please, please, please, don't kiss Damianos, and the older brother obeying.

[americasass91]

The Shield and the Sweater

Hello lovelies! This little fic came to me when the lovely, beautiful, talented @stargazingfangirl18​ asked a very important question on her blog. Would you rather be enemies to lovers with Steve Rogers or friends with benefits with Ransom Drysdale. Well my greedy ass wanted both. Thus the birth of this story. I also turned it around a little to make it fit into Siri’s 5k Soft Dark Challenge! I’ve never written anything dark before. Also not sure if this classifies as soft!dark or if it’s more dark. But it’s one of those! If that makes you uncomfortable, then please don’t read it. This is also my first time writing a threesome, so let me know if it sucks! I hope you enjoy it! 😘

General prompts:

8)The town golden boy isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

Dialogue prompts:

3)”Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

11)”I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

Rating: Explicit(if you’re under 18, please leave)

Words: 6.2k(this one got away from me, sorry)

Warnings: soft!dark/dark themes, unprotected sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, threesome(M/M/F), manipulation, language, model!Ransom being an asshole, Steve not being who you think he is

“And I really think if everyone pitches in to make these changes, it’ll really make a difference in the long run.”

Wow, so this is how you were going to die. In your whole 20 something years of existence, you never thought boredom would be your cause of death.

Sure, you were the lead Accountant at Stark Tower and these monthly meetings were mandatory. But did you really have to be here to listen to Rogers go on and on about how we can ‘improve our working environment’? Why did he even care anyway? He was barely ever here as it is.

You must have been zoning out worse than you thought because next thing you know your coworker, Janet, is poking you in the side and pointing towards Steve.

With a quick glare sent her way, you move your gaze to the Captain. He is giving you the same look he always does. Like he’s disgusted with you. “I’m sorry Miss Y/L/N. Am I boring you?”

A scoff escapes your mouth. “No, not at all Captain Rogers. I just love when people who are never here seem to always have an opinion on how things are run and how they could be better.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Do you have a problem with me, Y/N? Cause if you do, I’m sure there’s a way to solve that.”

You stand up and match his expression. You lean forward with your hands resting on the table. You can’t help but notice the Captain drops his gaze to your cleavage that’s now on more display than before. But just as quick as it was there, his gaze rises back up to meet your face. “Is that a threat, Captain Rogers?”

“Oh, it’s more than a-“

Tony quickly stands up and claps his hands together. “Okay! Meeting adjourned! You two, come here!”

You quickly straighten yourself up and make your way over to Tony. You always try to make sure you show him as much respect as you can. He’s your boss after all.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. My emotions got the better of me. It won’t happen again.”

He nods to you. “Thank you, Y/N. I accept your apology. But what I’m not understanding is why Steve here wanted to fire you?”

You both turn to look at Steve who has a sheepish expression on his face. “Yeah, sorry about that, Tony. She just seems to bring out this ugly side of me. I’ll try to keep it more contained next time.” He then moves his gaze to you. “Sorry, Y/N. I promise to be more professional moving forward.”

He makes a quick exit, leaving you shocked that he apologized at all. Ever since you started here almost a year ago now, you’ve been at each other’s throats. It was your fault really.

It was your first week and you were in the break room grabbing some coffee when you overheard a few of your coworkers making fun of Steve for being a virgin. Now, you weren’t sure if it was true but you wanted to fit in so you made your way over to the group and asked if anyone calls him Captain Virgin. That earned you some big laughs. But the laughter died down quickly as Steve entered the room to grab some coffee. Judging by the glare he gave you, he heard what you had called him.

You went straight to Tony after that to apologize. You really didn’t want to get fired. But you wanted to make sure Tony heard the story from you before Steve got the chance to talk to him. To your utter surprise, Tony found the name hilarious and gave you a high five, saying you were going to fit right in.

Well long story short, it’s almost a year later and Steve is still getting called Captain Virgin. Oh but don’t worry, he has names of his own for you. His favorite is Tony’s Pet. For some reason, it really eats at you when he calls you that.

But the one thing you hate the most about Steve?

Is how utterly, hopelessly, and desperately attracted you are to the son of a bitch.

That happened in your second week when you went to use the complimentary gym and saw him beating the shit out of some poor punching bag. Your panties and your workout were definitely ruined after that.

The more you fought with Steve, the more you just wanted him to bend you over any surface and have his way with you.  

It was despicable how horny you were for him. You were pretty sure all he’d have to do is snap his fingers and point to the floor in front of him and you’d happily drop to your knees and take him down your throat.

So that left you leaving work every day in a horny state. You started by taking care of it yourself when you got home. But after a while even that wasn’t cutting it. Then you started bringing home one night stands. But after the 4th disappointing non-orgasm, you gave up and just learned to live with it.

Sure, you could attempt to start being nice to Steve and maybe ask him out. But you were pretty sure he hated you. Plus you have way too much pride to actually do that.

So that leads to now. It’s Friday night and your workday is almost over. You’re inputting the last few numbers from the last expense report in your pile.

You get the last number put in when Janet approaches you. She sits on the corner of your desk. “So, you coming tonight?”

You take your glasses off and lean back in your chair, stretching your arms over your head. “Coming where?”

She rolls her eyes at you. “Oh, come on Y/N! You know we go out almost every Friday night. You never come and you always say you will!”

You start to clear off your desk and put things back in their place. “Yeah well I could. Or I could go home and sit on my ass and do nothing.”

“Well, that explains why it’s looking a bit bigger lately.”

Janet’s jaw drops as she directs her gaze at Steve, who is now standing in front of your desk.

You smirk and lean on your elbows towards him. “You like looking at my ass, Rogers?”

He scoffs. “Well when it takes up that much space, it’s hard not to notice. But here, I came to give you this.”

He hands you what looks to be a 10 page expense report. “Sorry it’s late, I’ve been busy, you know. Saving the world.”

You ungraciously take it from him and throw it in your to-do pile. “That can wait until Monday. I’ve got plans. We’re going to-” you look towards Janet for clarification. “Lavo.” You turn your gaze back to Steve. “Yeah, we’re going to Lavo. So this will wait til Monday if that’s okay with you, sir.”

Steve does his best to move his bag and jacket subtly towards the front of his pants so you won’t notice his growing hard-on. He hates how turned on he gets when you guys get into it. And then you call him sir? Jesus. He clears his throat. “Of course, I'm the one who turned it in at the last minute.”

Janet speaks up quickly. “You could always come with us! It’ll be fun!”

You grin widely at him. “Yeah! You could finally get your cherry popped, Captain Virgin.”

Steve can’t help the blush that covers his cheeks. “Uh, I can assure you my cherry has been popped since the 40’s. But thank you for your concern. And thank you for the invite, Janet. But i think I’ll stay in tonight.” He takes out his phone and sends a quick text before turning around and walking towards the elevators.

Wow. He didn’t even try to retaliate. You shrug your shoulders and grab your purse before standing up. “Alright, I’ll go! But on one condition!”

Janet claps her hands in excitement and starts walking with you towards the elevators. “Sure, anything!”

You press the button for the lobby. “You are going to be my wingwoman. Cause this girl definitely needs to get laid.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Lavo is super packed by the time you guys arrive. Of course you all had to go home and change.

You decided to go with a simple, yet effective, little black dress that showed off just enough to get men’s attention.

Thankfully you are able to score the last table. The waiter comes over and gets everyone’s drink order. You decide to stick with your favorite. You don’t want to get too drunk on the off chance you find someone to take home.

About a half hour into hot office gossip, Lucy, who is sitting across from you, taps your arm. You raise your eyebrows in question towards her.

She subtly nods her head towards the bar. “Okay I’m pretty sure the hottest guy I have ever seen is checking you out.”

You can’t help the smirk that crosses your face. “Yeah? Which one?”

“You can’t miss him. He’s fucking hot. Like no comparison to any of the other dudes sitting up there.”

You glance down at your drink and quickly finish the remainder. You stand up and adjust your dress, pushing up your breasts in the process. “Well, then I guess it’s time for a refill.” You wink and turn to make your way towards the bar.

It doesn’t take long for you to spot him. And boy was Lucy not kidding. He was fucking hot. Brown hair, blue eyes, and a smug smirk that would normally turn you off. But on him it worked. And who even looks that good in a fucking cream colored cable knit?

You go up to the bar, not too close to Mr. Hottie of course, and patiently wait for the bartender.

Hottie McHothot not so subtly moves his gaze up and down your body. He must like what he sees. “Hey honey, have you ever raised chickens?”

Uh. That’s definitely not the first thing you expected to come out of his mouth. You look over at him with confusion on your face. “Uh, no. Why do you ask?”

He just shrugs his shoulders. “Just kinda figured you might. Cause you sure can raise a cock.”

Okay, you’ve definitely never heard that line before. You crack up. You’re pretty sure you even snorted on accident. Once you collect yourself you ask, “Has that line ever worked for you?”

The bartender makes his way over to take your order. After reordering what you had before, you turn towards Hottie and wait for his answer.

“Not sure, my buddy told it to me yesterday so this is the first time I’m using it. Did it work?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know. It was pretty cheesy.”

“Yeah, maybe. But it got you to laugh. So I’d say mission accomplished. Name’s Ransom. What’s yours, pretty girl?” He holds out his hand for you to shake.

Ransom. Now where have you heard that name before? You accept his hand shake. You can’t help but notice how much bigger his hands are than yours. Jesus. You could already feel your panties getting wet.

“My name’s Y/N. Ransom, that sounds familiar. Do I know you?”

He releases your hand and goes to take a sip of his bourbon. “Well, I guess that depends. Do you read magazines or have you seen the side of the city bus lately?”

You quickly wrack your brain. You don’t read many magazines. But the bus drives by you everyday on your walk to work. Holy shit! That’s it! He’s in his underwear on the side of the bus. You’ve drooled over that picture plenty of times.

“Oh, yeah! I remember now! I’ve seen you on the bus! What’s it an ad for? I can never really get past the almost naked man. A bit distracting on my way to work.”

He smirks as he briefly glances down at your breasts. “I’m glad you know my work. It’s an ad for Calvin Klein. For their new line of men’s briefs. Sorry I’ve been a distraction.” He sends you a wink.

Fuck. He was a model. And a popular one at that if he’s in an ad for Calvin Klein.

“I didn’t say I minded. You can make it up to me you know.” You wink back. Holy shit. Were you really flirting with a model?

“Yeah? Well, how about we get out of here and I’ll show you a fully naked man.”

Okay. Cheesy line number 2. Was that really going to work on you?

Yes.

Yes it was.

“Let me just go grab my purse.”

Drink forgotten, you go back to your table as quickly as you can without looking desperate. “Sorry, girls. But this is where I leave you.”

Janet glances down at her phone. “We haven’t even been here an hour yet! Where are you going?”

You send her a wink. “I’m leaving with that guy! You guys know him! Remember that ad on the side of the bus?”

They all turn their gaze to him. And they all make it very obvious. He just waves and sends them a smirk.

“Holy fucking shit! That’s the new Calvin Klein guy! Oh my god you lucky bitch!”

“Wait! Listen. We’ll let you go on one condition.”

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Okay?”

Janet gives you a naughty smirk. “On Monday I’ll need a report on if they had to stuff his briefs to get that delicious looking bulge or not.”

You give her a naughty smirk of your own. “I can totally do that.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Monday morning you were all smiles as you stepped off the elevator and headed towards your desk. You give Janet a wink as you pass by her. She quickly makes her way over just as you sit down. “Um, excuse me hoe. But is that the same dress you were wearing Friday night?”

You quickly grab the cardigan you always keep in your desk out and put it on and button it up, attempting to look a little more professional. “Maybe.”

Janet opens her mouth in shock. “You stayed the whole weekend with him? You little slut! How was it?”

You turn on your computer and grab for the expense report of Steve’s you left in your to-do pile. Then you turn towards your nosy coworker. “Well, if you must know, yes. I did stay the whole weekend with him. And I’m pretty sure I was in an orgasm-induced coma the whole time. It’s all kind of a rough, sticky, mind-blowing blur.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

You shrug your shoulders as you put in your login information on the computer. “I haven’t decided yet. While the sex was the best I’ve ever had, he’s kind of an ass. Talked about himself and all the famous people he’s hooked up with since becoming a model. I honestly kept initiating sex just to make him shut up.”

She gives you a look like you’re stupid. “I’m not seeing the issue here. So what if he talks about himself a lot? The sex was amazing. You need to lock that down girl.”

You roll your eyes at her. “That’s the thing, Janet. He doesn’t do relationships. He told me so multiple times. Plus I’m pretty sure he was texting another chick in between our ‘sessions’. I suppose if I’m desperate, I’ll get a hold of him.”

“You know you could always just have him on backup for sex. Like a friends with benefits situation.”

“Janet, I’m in my late 20s. I’m too old for that kind of relationship.”

“Exactly, you’re in your late 20s! This is the perfect time for that kind of relationship before you settle down and get married! Have one last final hoorah!”

“I can’t have this conversation before caffeine. I’m going to get coffee. You act like I’m dying soon or something.” You turn to walk away but then remember you were supposed to tell her something. “Oh yeah and by the way. The bulge is definitely not stuffed.”

You give her a wink and then head to the break room for some much needed coffee. When you see who’s in there, you almost contemplate going downstairs to a different break room.

Steve is standing at the counter, preparing his coffee. He turns when he hears you come in and gives you a once over. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

You grab a mug out of the cabinet beside him. “Sorry my appearance isn’t up to your standards today, Rogers. I was a little...busy this weekend.”

He takes a sip of his coffee to make sure it’s right. Then he moves out of your way so you can get to the coffee, but still staying close. “Busy getting run over by a truck? Cause that’s kind of what you look like.”

You pour yourself a generous amount of coffee and take a long sip, letting the bitter liquid slowly make you human. “Yeah, well. I was busy getting fucked all weekend, Rogers. But I know your little innocent mind wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

That wipes the stupid little smirk right off his face. He almost looks pissed. He moves even closer to you. Almost pressing himself right up against you. So close that you can smell his coffee-scented breath. If you were wearing panties, they’d be ruined.

“Not all of us feel the need to sleep around. Some of us are looking for a real connection. Not just a one night stand of meaningless, mediocre sex.”

You press yourself just a little closer to him, his chest now touching yours. “Oh, it was anything but mediocre. Maybe if you actually got some, you’d know what that feels like.”

He leans his head down until his mouth is next to your ear, his left hand now resting on your hip. “You really need to stop insinuating that I’m a virgin sweetheart. If you were nicer to me, I’d show you that I know how to fuck.” With that he backs up and heads out of the break room.

You let out the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. Jesus Christ. You swear you almost came.

And if you were nicer to him? Fuck him. He’s not nice to you either. That’s okay. You have someone who can scratch this itch.

You pull out your phone and send a quick text.

To: Fuckboi

You busy tonight? I could really use a release.

The reply came almost immediately.

From: Fuckboi

Didn’t get enough of my cock this weekend huh? I suppose I could make myself available.

You roll your eyes and quickly reply with your address and what time to be over.

The rest of the day passes by slowly. It takes you half the day to enter Steve’s expense report. God he’s descriptive. At least it’s completed. You can’t really say that much for the other Avengers. They usually half assed them and made them barely acceptable.

You are shutting down for the day when Steve approaches your desk. You remove your glasses and look at him expectantly. “Is there something I can help you with, Steve?”

A blush creeps it’s way across his cheeks. “Um, I was actually just wondering if you had time to go over the new expense report forms? They should be a lot easier to fill out.”

You glance down at the clock on your computer. Ransom is going to be at your place in about 20 minutes.“Can we do it tomorrow? I have company that’ll be showing up at my apartment in like 20 minutes.”

His hopeful smile falls. His face is now unreadable. “Would your company happen to be whoever you spent the weekend with?”

Confused, you grab for your purse after getting your computer shut down. “Actually, yes. Should I have asked your permission first?” You attempt a joke to ease the sudden tension.

He pulls out his phone and starts typing furiously. Wow. You weren’t aware he knew how to text. You hear it ping with a reply before he angrily puts it back in his pocket. “Sure, we can do this tomorrow. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of your whoreing around.”

Your jaw drops in surprise. Sure you guys were always throwing jabs at each other. But he’d never said anything like this before. And in such a mean tone.

You round your desk and stand right in front of him. “Fuck you, Steve.”

You hurry towards the elevators before he can see the tears that have welled up. You couldn’t let him know he had that power over you. Asshole. Thank god Ransom was coming over. Hopefully he could fuck what Steve just said right out of your head.

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You’ve lost count of how many orgasms Ransom has pulled from you with his mouth when there’s a knock on your door.

Ransom looks up at you from his kneeling position on your living room floor. “Did you invite someone else to join us, pretty girl?”

You scoff and push him away so you can stand up. You pull your dress down as you make your way towards the door. “Yeah. I can barely handle just you. I’m pretty sure if we added someone else, I’d actually die.”

You open the door and gasp in surprise. “Steve? What are you doing here?”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Look, I know you probably already have company but I felt really bad about what I said to you earlier today and wanted to apologize.”

You have so many questions. “How did you know where I lived?”

That sheepish smile makes its appearance again. “I may or may not have looked in your employee file.”

You shake your head. “And you felt the need to come all the way here and apologize? Why not just text me?”

“It would only have felt right to me to do it in person. I really am sor-”

You feel a pair of arms wrap around you from behind. “Well, who do we have here? Why is Captain America at your door?”

You turn your head to address Ransom. “He just came by to apologize to me. I think he was just leaving.”

Steve has a disappointed look on his face. “Yeah, I suppose I was.”

“Awe, what a shame. I thought you were gonna ask him to join us, pretty girl.”

Steve’s eyes grow wide at the thought. You quickly speak up. “No, I don’t think he’d be comfortable with that. He’s a little old fashioned.” You give him a sincere smile. You didn't think that was a bad thing.

Steve looks back towards the elevators and then back to you. He clears his throat. “What if I wanted to join you?” Seeing your wide eyed look, he quickly adds, “Only if Y/N would be comfortable with that of course.”

You contemplate what the consequences could be in your head. But then you get distracted when Ransom starts grinding his hard on against your ass. “Come on, pretty girl. Make a decision.”

The next word comes out of your mouth faster than what your brain can process. “Okay.”

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Now you were standing awkwardly in your bedroom with Steve and Ransom looking at you expectantly.

You’ve never done this before so you’re not sure how this is supposed to go. “So, um. How do we start exactly?”

Ransom smirks and comes up behind you. “I think you should call the shots, pretty girl. If you’re okay with that, Steve?”

With the mention of his name, he walks towards you and places his hands on your hips. “I think that’s a great idea. Can I kiss you now?” He places his hand under your chin and raises your face up to meet his. “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” With that, his lips meet yours. It’s explosive. You quickly wrap your hands around his neck and press yourself up against him.

You get so lost in the kiss, you forget that Ransom is there. That is until he presses his lips against your neck and presses himself against your ass. It presses you even further against Steve, making you feel his excitement against your lower belly.

You’re so overwhelmed already and you’d barely started. You may not survive this evening.

As you move your hands down to remove Steve’s shirt, Ransom is unzipping your dress, pressing kisses to every inch of exposed skin.

Without breaking the kiss, Steve moves his hands around to unhook your bra so he can get his hands on your breasts. He pinches your nipples, causing you to moan into his mouth. He moves his lips to your neck, sucking on your pulse point.

After successfully removing your dress, Ransom stands back up and turns your head to connect your lips. He starts rutting his clothed hard on against your naked ass. His left hand reaches around to bat one of Steve’s away so he can squeeze your breast.

Steve takes the hand that had been swatted away and moves it down to your soaking wet core. He starts lightly circling your clit. Just enough pressure to make you mewl.

You reach behind you with your left hand and tug at the waistband of Ransom’s briefs. “Off.” You moan out as you take your right hand and start attempting to take off Steve’s jeans. He smirks into your neck and helps you out. He barely gets them unbuttoned and unzipped before you’re reaching your hand into them and his boxers to grab his cock. It feels big.

Ransom grabs your left hand and places it on his now free cock. You wrap your hand around it and give it a squeeze before you start pumping your hand up and down. You do the same to Steve’s, making the both of them let out grunts against both sides of your neck. Steve increases the pressure on your clit a little. Still not enough.

“Nee-need, you. Please.” You weakly moan out. Ransom moves his mouth up to your ear. “How do you want us, pretty girl?”

You reluctantly pull away from both of them so you can think. You decide to be greedy. You point to Steve. “I want you to lay on the bed, please.”

He does as you ask. Putting his hands behind his head as he awaits further instructions.

You get on the bed and straddle him. You turn around and reach your arm out for Ransom. “Want you behind me.” You lean over and open your bedside drawer to grab the lube and toss it at Ransom. He smirks as he straddles Steve’s legs and gets behind you. He uncaps the lube and starts coating his cock with a generous amount. “Need my cock in that ass, pretty girl?”

You hold up your hand. “Wait.” You lean down towards Steve and give him a quick kiss. “Are you okay with this?”

He nods his head. “As long as you are.” You raise back up and smile at him. You turn your head and look at Ransom. “I’m assuming you're okay with this?”

He just smirks and squeezes some lube out so that it slides down the crack of your ass. “More than okay, pretty girl. Need me to stretch you out first?”

You smirk and pull him in for a quick, filthy kiss. “I think it got plenty stretched out this weekend.”

He matches your smirk. “You little slut. Wanting both of our cocks stuffing you full.”

You whimper as he lands a smack on your ass. Leaning up on your knees, you grab a hold of Steve’s cock and start running his tip up and down your folds. He places his left hand on your right hip and his right hand on your left thigh. “Condom?”

You quickly shake your head and pause your actions. “On the pill. Unless of course you’d be more comfortable with one.”

He shakes his head. “No, just making sure.”

You turn back to Ransom. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready for you.”

He nods and places his hands on your shoulders, waiting somewhat patiently.

You slowly sink down on Steve’s cock. He’s stretching you out so deliciously. It burns in just the right way. Ransom may be longer, but Steve is definitely thicker.

After you get fully seated on him, you take a minute to adjust. It only takes a few seconds. You turn your head towards Ransom. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He removes his right hand from your shoulder and grabs the base of his cock and starts pressing against the tight ring of muscle. He’d been in there a lot over the weekend. But it was still a tight fit regardless. He doesn’t go as slow and sheaths himself to the hilt, causing you to moan out in slight pain and pleasure.

Holy fuck. You feel so full. You think you might die. That is until Ransom removes his cock until just the tip remains and then forcefully thrust back in, causing you to grind on Steve’s dick.

Steve grunts out from the movement and starts thrusting up into you the best he can from his position. Ransom wraps his left arm around you and continues his thrusts, not letting up his pace. You don’t even really have to move, the both of them doing it for you. They somehow find the perfect rhythm. Each of them pulling out and pushing in at the same time. One of your hands is behind you, resting on the back of Ransom’s head while the other is resting on Steve’s chest.

Steve sits up suddenly and pulls you in for a kiss. “Like being stuffed with both of our cocks, pretty girl?” You hear from behind you. “Yes. So good. So full. Gonna cum.”

Ransom removes his arm from around you and reaches down and starts circling your clit. “Do it. Cum all over us. Make a mess.”

Steve can feel you squeezing him. “Please, sweetheart. Need to feel you cum on my cock. You’re gripping me so good.”

You explode. You clamp your eyes shut, seeing stars behind your eyelids. You let the both of them fuck you through it.

Ransom’s hips stutter. The fluttering around his cock is too good. He cums with a shout of your name, filling up your ass to the brim. He gives you a few more thrusts before he pulls out and collapses beside you two.

Steve’s been patient while you come down from your high. He lays back down, pulling you with him so that your chest to chest. He bends his knees and grabs onto your hips. “You ready, sweetheart?” You raise up, both of your hands on each side of his head. You give him a nod.

That’s all he needs. He starts fucking you, hard and fast, chasing his release. He can feel it building. He just needs to feel you come undone around him again. He moves one of his hands and starts circling your clit with his thumb. “Need you to cum for me again, Y/N.”

You shake your head. “Can’t. Too much.”

Ransom sits up beside you. “I know what she needs.” He reaches over with his left hand and wraps it around your throat, squeezing gently.

It makes you clench down on Steve’s cock. “Yeah? That all you needed, sweetheart? A hand wrapped around your pretty throat? I know you like it. Can feel you squeezing me.” He picks up his pace. The only sounds that can be heard are his grunts, your breathy monas, and skin slapping against skin.

It doesn’t take long for your orgasm to hit you. This one is somehow even more intense than the last.

You must’ve blacked out for a few seconds because the next thing you know, you’re waking up in between Steve and Ransom.

Steve smiles down at you. “There she is. We lost you for a second, sweetheart.”

You feel drunk. You smile goofily up at him. “Did you cum?”

Just as you ask that, you can feel his release seeping out of your overused cunt. Then you feel cum leaking out of your ass. You hide your face behind your hands in embarrassment. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Ransom removes one hand while Steve removes the other. “Nuh uh uh. No hiding allowed, pretty girl. I have no regrets.” He looks at Steve. “Do you?”

Steve smiles down at you and leans down to press a soft kiss against your lips. “None from me. You tired, sweetheart?”

You let out a big yawn and nod your head, slowly closing your eyes. “Get some rest, pretty girl.” That’s the last thing you hear before sleep takes you.

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You wake up sometime in the early morning, stretching out your sore limbs. You know you have a dumb smile on your face. But you can’t help but notice your empty bed.

You sit up and hiss at the deliciously sore feeling between your legs. You grab your robe and slip it on. You can smell coffee coming from the kitchen. You giddily make your way out of the room and down the hallway. They both barely just come into view, still unaware you’re there, when you hear Steve speak.

“I thought you were going to be an asshole to her? Make her see I’m not that bad.”

You hear Ransom next. “I was an asshole to her. I’m sorry I dicked her down so good that she wanted more.”

Steve scoffs. “I never gave you the okay to fuck her!”

“You also didn’t tell me it was off limits. Look you got what you wanted right?”

“No, actually I didn’t. I didn’t pay you so we could have a threesome together.”

What the fuck? Steve paid Ransom to help him get in your pants?

“Ok, how about this? I’ll give you all of your money back if I can fuck her one more time before I go? Then we’ll be squared away.”

Steve seems to be conflicted. “Fine! But this is the last time Ransom. I have to get to work anyway. After this, she’s mine. And make sure she’s not late for work herself.”

Before you have time to react, Steve rounds the corner and sees you standing there. He has a deer caught in headlights look. Ransom comes up beside him and sees you. “Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

You slowly start backing up towards your bedroom. Steve moves towards you, stopping once you put your hands up. “Stay away from me! Both of you! I want nothing to do with either of you!”

Ransom moves past Steve and grabs onto your arms. “Oh, please. You’d fuck us again if we wanted. Wouldn’t you?”

You spit in his face. “Fuck you, Hugh.”

He gets a sinister look on his face. “Wrong move, pretty girl.” He looks toward Steve. “Don’t worry, I’ll fuck the brat out of her. You better tell her boss she won’t be in today.”

Your eyes go wide at his words. You start thrashing against him, trying your best to get away. Steve has had enough. He comes over and yanks you away from him and presses you against the wall. “You better calm down, sweetheart. I’ll treat you like a princess if you can be my good girl. Can you do that?”

You shake your head. “Why would you think I’d want anything to do with you after finding out you paid someone to help get into my pants?”

He gives you an evil smirk. “Because if you don’t, I’ll just have to release the tape of last night on the internet. Let everyone see how much of a slut you actually are.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re bluffing.”

He smirks and turns his head towards Ransom. “Show her.”

Ransom gets his phone out of his pocket and swipes at the screen for a second before turning it in your direction.

Holy shit. They weren’t bluffing. There you were, getting fucked by the both of them. That would ruin you if it got out. Not only would you get fired, but your parents would probably disown you. You’d never have a normal relationship again. You’re fucked. Even more than you were last night. How had you not noticed they were recording it?

Ransom must have read your mind. “I set my phone up while you were busy with Steve’s fingers on your cunt and his tongue down your throat. I think you need to ask her again Steve.”

Steve grabs your chin and moves your gaze onto his face. “I’ll ask you again. Are you going to be my good girl? Let Ransom fuck you one more time and then it’ll just be me and you?”

You drop your gaze to the floor. You feel a tear run down your cheek as you whisper out, “I’ll be your good girl.”

Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18​ @drabblewithfrannybarnes​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @lllols @patzammit​ @quxxnxfhxll​

Steve Taglist: @donutloverxo​

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

Do you have any fics involving children. Preferably stiles or Derek's but I'm not fussy. Thank you xx

Sure thing!

A Wild Heart's Desire by mikkimouse

(1/1 I 13,410 I Teen)

If there's one thing Stiles Stilinski knows, it's that Deputy Derek Hale absolutely Does Not Like him. The only reason Derek even tolerates him is because their kids are worryingly codependent.

So Stiles is understandably confused when a very feral Derek shows up in his backyard after a call gone wrong and proceeds to move in with him.

That Which You Cannot Undo by uraneia

(1/1 I 28,181 I Explicit)

By twenty-eight, Stiles has resigned himself to a quiet life of working in his magic shop, selling Jackson Whittemore fart-inducing tea, and looking after his goddaughter. It's a good life. But the quiet goes to hell when his sister, Lydia, shows up with a crispy werewolf in her trunk and a bite mark on her shoulder, because hard on her heels comes the hottest person Stiles has ever seen, and he happens to be looking for his uncle.

You know, the dead guy Stiles helped Lydia bury last night.

(Or: the Pracitical Magic AU nobody asked for.)

Somewhere I Belong by heartsdesire456

(1/1 I 30,815 I Teen)

When Stiles got an interview for an internship at Fangs & Fur magazine, the publication owned by the well known and widely respected alpha Talia Hale, he never expected it to be offered an actual job by Alpha Hale herself. He also never expected for his life to change so much after he met the man whose department he was assigned to.

Stiles was not prepared for Derek Hale's cub, either.

Trust me by madsmeetsmisha

(18/? I 32,590 I Explicit)

Derek Hale needed a nanny for his kids. Someone who knew about werewolves, someone who was persistent enough not to throw in the sponge as soon as the kids wouldn't behave, someone trustworthy. Could a young, very talkative man like Stiles Stilinski be what Derek was looking for?

our lives are changing lanes by grimm

(1/1 I 47,537 I Explicit)

There's a lot of screaming going on inside the first house Stiles visits. He isn't really worried, because it sounds like kids, but then the door opens and hi, says his dick, because the dude in front of him is gorgeous, built like a god with a face like thunder. Stiles wants to lick that solid jaw line. Hold the fuck on, says his cop brain, because the dude's got kids hanging all over him; one's on his back, skinny legs looped around his waist, and another two hanging off one arm, toes barely brushing the ground. There's a tubby toddler clinging to his leg like a koala, and he's got a baby tucked into the crook of the one arm that doesn’t have kids hanging off it. Stiles' mouth drops open.

"How many of those kids did you kidnap?" he asks before he can wrangle his brain into submission.

The man gives him a look that says what the fuck is wrong with you and snaps, "You think I'd subject myself to this on purpose?"

"Oooh," says one of the kids hanging off his arm. "I'm telling Mom."

Give It Up to Me by moon_star

(8/? I 49,841 I Explicit)

Derek is a single father and a full time attorney. Stiles is the new intern at the law firm. They find it extremely hard to work together, but it gets even harder when they start sleeping together.

Bundle of Accidental Joy by tearsandholdme

(20/21 I 66,411 I Mature)

Stiles is just trying to live a simple life. Have a job, pay his rent, and survive enough to eat his next meal. But then he's fired from his job, watches a mother abandon her baby, tries to stop her and picks the baby up, and now everyone thinks the baby is his. Even his very handsome and moody boss, Derek Hale, who forces the responsibility onto him at the cost of keeping his job or else.

Balancing on breaking branches by Anonymous

(15/20 I 67,613 I Explicit)

“Your kid,” Derek said slowly, “came running up to me. Tried to nuzzle a hole into my calf.”

Stiles let out a laugh. It sounded bitter. “Caleb wouldn’t just leave my side like that. Did you call his name?”

“I’m not a—”

“A child predator? That’s exactly what a child predator would say, Derek."

Waiting For Our Superman by tearsandholdme

(22/22 I 95,250 I Mature)

Derek knew the moment he opened the front door of his clean and pristine apartment to Stiles Stilinski holding a small boy, a cluster of bags, and a suitcase, he was screwed. In every way possible. Undone by the big brown eyes of a small child and his annoying, witty, and attractive father.

The Moon Lives (In The Lining of Your Skin) by Quixoticity

(28/30 I 131,436 I Explicit)

Stiles is doing fine. Okay, so he didn't expect to be a single father to an infant daughter at the tender age of twenty-three, but it's working out great. And no, he didn't expect to be a curator in Beacon Hills Museum, where weird things happen with no explanation, but he's rolling with it. And he seems to have acquired a new brother now that his dad's gotten engaged, which, odd, but hey, Stiles is flexible, and there's no such thing as too much love, right?

But then the next twist comes in the form of mysterious new neighbour Derek Hale, who is both insanely angry at the world (it's possible he's murdered people with his eyebrows alone), and adorably good with children. He's also in possession of a truly excellent butt.

Stiles is doomed.

Past, Present, and Future by Code_Zackary

(24/60 I 182,513 I Mature)

Deputy Derek Hale has just become a single parent, after adopting abandoned five-year-old Isaac Lahey, and drowning in his new responsibilities as a father, and Alpha. Add the babysitting of his new rookie partner, Jackson Whittemore, and the weight of his past bubbling to the surface, Derek isn't sure how he's going to keep his head straight.

Meanwhile, Stiles Stilinksi returns home to Beacon Hills to give his son, Scott Stilinksi, a better quality of life. However, raising a werewolf pup, as a human, is something he struggles handling on a daily basis. Stiles wishes nothing more than to find a werewolf willing to show his son "the ropes", so Scott can fit in with all the other pups come the first day of Kindergarten. But where would he ever find a werewolf willing to help a human?

When the two meet, their struggles in life will come to the forefront, as the loners become an invaluable support system for each other, and build a unique Pack all their own.

[raeynbowboi]

How to Build Apollo in DnD 5e

That’s right, today we’re tackling a herculean task by trying to build the golden boy of the Olympic Gods: Apollo. Now, obviously, we can’t build Apollo as an actual factual literal god, it would break the game and it would be preposterous. However, Apollo translates really nicely into DnD. He has many skills, multiple powers so that we don’t have to pad his spell list with crap, and he’s also shown off his fighting style across multiple myths and legends. Keep in mind that while I am using Apollo himself as our template, this is also a GREAT resource for if you want to play as a Demigod child of Apollo (such as Will Solace), a worshipper of Apollo, Apollo’s chosen champion, or if Zeus has condemned your godly gloriousness into the pimply awkward adolescent body of one Lester Papadopoulos. 

To start things off, we should examine Apollo’s many skills, abilities, and his MANY MANY MANY domains as a god.

Athletics - Apollo is the god of athleticism, though he shares this domain with Hermes. The original Olympic Games were held in his honor, young Greek boys held him up as the ideal of masculine physicality, and they still crowned winners with his sacred laurel wreath long after the games stopped being held for him.

Animal Handling - Before giving them to Hermes, Apollo was a pastoral god with a herd of cattle, and he also has horses that draw his solar chariot across the sky. There’s also art showing Apollo riding on the back of a swan, and he had a crow as his sacred messenger at least until he got angry and burned its feathers black.

History - Apollo’s been around a long time, and more importantly, he’s the second smartest and the second wisest of all the gods after only Athena herself. He invented mathematics, and two of his muse daughters embody history and astronomy, big staples of Ancient Greek scholarly rhetoric. A third daughter covers epic poetry which by modern standards would make her the muse of novels and plot-driven storytelling.

Intimidation - Diomedes carved a bloody canyon through the Trojan forces, but one threat from Apollo was all it took for him to scamper off with his tail between his legs.

Medicine - Apollo is the god of medicine, and as such, would be good at healing and checking for injuries.

Performance - This one’s a no-brainer, Apollo is the god of music, the father of the muses and the demigod Orpheus, and beat pan in a well-known musical battle.

Perception - Apollo is the god of prophecy, it’s hard to get the drop on a guy who may have seen your attack coming 30 years before you tried anything.

Persuasion - With the possible exception of Zeus and Aphrodite, Apollo is definitely a contender for the largest list of lovers by a single Olympian God. They had a terrible penchant for ending poorly, and he didn’t always pass his persuasion checks, but dang it if he didn’t try his hardest.

Religion - Apollo is a god. This is where I’d put any skill check for knowledge of Greek mythology, such as remembering myths, legends, heroes, demigods, the weaknesses of monsters, and mythological artifacts.

Now that we’ve covered Apollo’s skills that we should aim to provide him with, let’s examine his domains and abilities for appropriate spells, and figure out what spell lists he needs to be pulling from.

Magical Abilities

Archery/Athleticism

Divine Favor (Paladin, War Cleric) Heroism (Bard, Paladin, Battle Smith Artificer, Order Cleric, Peace Cleric) Hunter’s Mark (Ranger, Vengeance Paladin) Jump (Artificer, Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard) Longstrider (Artificer, Bard, Druid, Ranger, Wizard) Zephyr Strike (Ranger) Cordon of Arrows (Ranger) Enhance Ability (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard, Glory Paladin) Conjure Barrage (Ranger) Crusader’s Mantle (Paladin) Flame Arrows (Artificer, Druid, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard) Haste (Artificer, Sorcerer, Wizard, Land Druid (Grassland), Glory Paladin, Vengeance Paladin) Lightning Arrow (Ranger) Skill Empowerment (Artificer, Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard) Conjure Volley (Ranger) Steel Wind Strike (Ranger, Wizard) Swift Quiver (Ranger)

Disease

Inflict Wounds (Cleric, Oathbreaker Paladin) Ray of Sickness (Sorcerer, Wizard, Death Cleric) Ray of Enfeeblement (Warlock, Wizard, Death Cleric, Grave Cleric) Vampiric Touch (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard, Death Cleric, Grave Cleric) Blight (Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard, Death Cleric, Grave Cleric, Oathbreaker Paladin, Alchemist Artificer) Sickening Radiance (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Vitriolic Sphere (Sorcerer, Wizard) Contagion (Cleric, Druid, Oathbreaker Paladin, Undying Warlock) Harm (Cleric)

Fire

Create Bonfire (Artificer, Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Firebolt (Artificer, Sorcerer, Wizard) Burning Hands (Sorcerer, Wizard, Light Cleric, Wildfire Druid, Fiend Warlock, Genie Warlock (Efreeti)) Hellish Rebuke (Warlock, Oathbreaker Paladin) Aganazzar’s Scorcher (Sorcerer, Wizard) Dragon’s Breath - Fire* (Sorcerer, Wizard) Flaming Sphere (Druid, Wizard, Alchemist Artificer, Light Cleric, Celestial Warlock) Heat Metal (Artificer, Bard, Druid, Forge Cleric) Scorching Ray (Sorcerer, Wizard, Artillerist Artificer, Light Cleric, Wildfire Druid, Fiend Warlock, Genie Warlock (Efreeti)) Fireball (Sorcerer, Wizard, Artillerist Artificer, Light Cleric, Fiend Warlock, Genie Warlock (Efreeti) Flame Stride (Artificer, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard) Fire Shield (Wizard, Wildfire Druid, Armorer Artificer, Battle Smith Artificer, Fiend Warlock, Genie Warlock (Efreeti)) Wall of Fire (Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard, Artillerist Artificer, Light Cleric, Forge Cleric, Celestial Warlock, Fiend Warlock) Flame Strike (Cleric, Wildfire Druid, Devotion Paladin, Glory Paladin, Celestial Warlock, Fiend Warlock, Genie Warlock (Efreeti)) Immolation (Sorcerer, Wizard) Investiture of Flame (Druid, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Delayed Blast Fireball (Sorcerer, Wizard) Firestorm (Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer) Incendiary Cloud (Sorcerer, Wizard)

Healing

Spare the Dying (Artificer, Cleric) Cure Wounds (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Celestial Warlock) Healing Word (Bard, Cleric, Druid, Alchemist Artificer) Healing Spirit (Druid, Ranger) Lesser Restoration (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Celestial Warlock) Prayer of Healing (Cleric) Aura of Vitality (Cleric, Druid, Paladin) Beacon of Hope (Cleric, Devotion Paladin) Mass Healing Word (Cleric, Alchemist Artificer) Greater Restoration (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Celestial Warlock) Mass Cure Wounds (Bard, Cleric, Druid, Battle Smith Artificer) Heal (Cleric, Druid) Regenerate (Bard, Cleric, Druid) Mass Heal (Cleric) Power Word Heal (Bard, Cleric)

Light/Sun

Dancing Lights (Artificer, Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard) Light (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard, Aasimar Race) Sacred Flame (Cleric) Faerie Fire (Artificer, Bard, Druid, Light Cleric, Twilight Cleric, Archfey Warlock) Guiding Bolt (Cleric, Glory Paladin, Celestial Warlock) Branding Smite (Paladin, Battle Smith Artificer, Hexblade Warlock) Blinding Smite (Paladin) Daylight (Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Sorcerer, Celestial Warlock) Dawn (Cleric, Wizard) Destructive Wave (Paladin) Holy Weapon (Cleric, Paladin) Wall of Light (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Sunbeam (Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard) Crown of Stars (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Holy Aura (Cleric) Sunburst (Cleric, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard)

Music, Sound, Etc.

Vicious Mockery (Bard) Word of Radiance (Cleric) Thunderwave (Bard, Druid, Sorcerer, Wizard, Armorer Artificer, Artillerist Artificer, Tempest Cleric, Fathomless Warlock, Genie Warlock (Djinni)) Knock (Bard, Sorcerer, Wizard) Shatter (Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard, Armorer Artificer, Artillerist Artificer, Tempest Cleric) Thunder Step (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Divine Word (Cleric) Power Word Pain (Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Power Word Stun (Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Power Word Kill (Bard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard)

Prophecy/Divination

Guidance (Artificer, Cleric, Druid) Detect Magic (Artificer, Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Sorcerer, Wizard) Identify (Artificer, Bard, Wizard, Knowledge Cleric, Forge Cleric) Augury (Cleric, Druid, Wizard, Open Sea Paladin) Find Traps (Cleric, Druid, Ranger) Locate Animals or Plants (Bard, Druid, Ranger) Locate Object (Bard, Cleric, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, Wizard) Clairvoyance (Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Wizard, Great Old One Warlock) Divination (Cleric, Druid, Wizard) Commune (Cleric, Glory Paladin) Legend Lore (Bard, Cleric, Wizard, Undying Warlock) Contingency (Wizard) True Seeing (Bard, Cleric, Sorcerer, Warlock, Wizard) Foresight (Bard, Druid, Warlock, Wizard)

SPELL DISTRIBUTION

In order to determine the best way to play Apollo, I’m going to showcase how many spells they get from each group, and add on additional spells based on class features, subclass spell lists, et cetera. The ultimate goal is to try and find a balance between as many of Apollo’s spells as possible.

Bard: (4,0,1,7,3,6,8) 29 + Magical Secrets (6-8): 35-37 Cleric: (1,3,2,14,9,2,10 ) 41 + Light (6): 47, Death (4): 45, Grave (3): 44 Paladin: (3,0,0,3,5,0,2) 13 + Devotion (2): 15, Glory (5): 18, Vengeance (2): 15 Ranger: (11,0,1,3,1,0,4) 20 Sorcerer: (5,5,14,0,5,3) 32 + Divine Soul (32) 64 Warlock: (0,4,3,0,2,5,2) 16 + Celestial (8): 24 Wizard (7,6,15,0,7,7,10) 52 + Theurgy (26): 78

RACES, BACKGROUND, AND ALIGNMENT

Racial Options

As an Olympian, Aasimar is a good fit for Apollo. He gains a resistance to Radiant and Necrotic damage, healing hands, and the light cantrip. Since Apollo doesn’t fly around on his own, the best choice for Apollo would the Scourge Aasimar.

Another good choice would be Variant Human. Give Apollo +1 DEX, +1 Casting Stat, take Athletics, Performance, or Perception for your skill of choice, and give him the Alert feat so he can never be surprised or Fighting Initiate to give Apollo the Archery Fighting Style if you’re not planning on giving him any Fighter levels.

Viable Backgrounds

Acolyte (Insight, Religion) Athlete (Acrobatics, Athletics) Entertainer (Acrobatics, Performance) Noble (History, Persuasion) Custom Background: Olympic Athlete (Athletics, Performance)

CLASSES, SUBCLASSES, AND BUILD OPTIONS

BARD

In terms of raw flavor, Bard is probably the best choice for Apollo, as being the god of music and poetry, as well as his numerous romantic entanglements, fits the image of the classic DnD bard. The Bard’s magical secrets also ensures that any non-Bard spell you really want can still be collected. While Bard doesn’t have the highest count of compatible spells, Bard has a nice, even distribution of Apollo’s abilities, with a little bit of almost everything. Casting with Charisma is also very on-brand for Apollo’s general depiction in media. The bard’s ability to steal any spell also means that it can exploit the Paladin and Ranger spell list specifically and swipe their high-level spells much closer to the bard’s early-to-mid level.

LORE

The Lore Bard specializes in learning and recounting tales of myths and legends, collecting information and gossip, and sharing insights to those who seek it. A rather fitting choice for the master of the Oracle of Delphi and the father of the muses. The added magical secrets is also a great choice to give Apollo more versatility in his magical abilities. The Lore bard also expands its skill list, which is fitting for the overly talented god of music.

VALOR

The bard of the Battlefield, the added focus on melee combat means that this build option is a good fit for not neglecting Apollo’s mastery of archery as a major component of combat without needing to take levels of fighter.

CLERIC

A very good contender for the build, Cleric is the only class out of all of the options that got at least 1 spell in all 8 categories. As Apollo is the god of healing and medicine, Cleric provides the biggest selection of healing spells, as well as the most radiant damage. Clerics have good Hit Die, and with enough Constitution can withstand damage long enough to aid and heal themselves and others. They get access to plenty of divination spells to call upon the help of the gods and the forces of luck and fate at play in the universe to guide them. On the character level, Apollo does seem like the sort of god that would worship himself.

LIGHT

Far and away Apollo’s best choice for building him as a Cleric, Light gives Apollo access to more fire spells to fit his solar theme, and the ability warding flare is rather fitting for the god of light to use.

RANGER

If Apollo didn’t have so many other abilities, Ranger might have been a great choice for him. If you want to fixate entirely on his role as an archer and a hunter god, then by all means, Ranger is a fitting choice for Apollo in that respect. But when taking the whole of his mythos into consideration, it leaves too much on the cutting room floor, and the only real reason I’d consider giving him Ranger levels is that Hunter’s Mark helps encourage him to use his archery skills more.

SORCERER

Honestly, this one might have had a chance if not for Sorcerer’s abysmally small spells known. Thanks to a lack of subclass spells and having to stretch 15 spells across 9 spell levels, the Sorcerer walks away with the smallest spell list of ALL the primary casting classes. It doesn’t matter that Divine Soul Sorcerer gives Apollo access to a wide variety of spells because his miniscule spell book means that he can’t flex that variety whatsoever.

DIVINE SOUL

I wouldn’t advise building Apollo as a sorcerer, but if you’re set on Sorcerer, the Divine Soul is the best possible origin for Apollo, as it gives him access to radiant, fire, divination, healing, and ‘disease’ spells.

WARLOCK

Warlock is a surprisingly decent pick, especially if you’re playing a mortal that obeys Apollo, or even if you’re as Apollo himself swearing fealty to Zeus, Helios, or some other celestial entity. By making Apollo’s pact boon the Pact of the Blade, Apollo can make his pact weapon a bow and arrow, and unlike the Paladin smites, the Warlock can Eldritch Smite with their bow.

CELESTIAL

Like Ranger, the Warlock prioritizes Apollo’s skill with a bow over a lot of flashy magic, but unlike the Ranger, by following the Celestial patron, Apollo gets a rather decent assortment of radiant spells and healing spells. It can’t compare to the shere volume of the full casters, but it certainly works in Apollo’s favor.

WIZARD

Due largely to the Wizard’s massive spell list, it’s not surprising that Apollo actually has an impressive variety of spell options that work for a Wizard build. Lore wise, Apollo as a wizard makes some sense, as Apollo is considered to be clever and wise, even if he is not the single smartest god on Olympus. However, that wide range of magical power comes with two shortcomings: Wizards can’t learn healing spells, and it abandons his archery skills by the side of the road.

BLADESINGER

While the bladesinger does seem to favor melee combat, nothing says that you couldn’t multiclass a little with Fighter or Ranger to give Apollo Archery fighting style and prioritize Apollo’s bow as a bladesinger. Everything else works rather nicely, giving Apollo additional speed, AC, magical power, striking power, and attacks. If you’re hellbent on Apollo being a Wizard, but you still want to give him the melee option, the Bladesinger is the best option to do this with.

DIVINATION

Probably the wizard subclass everyone would assume for Apollo, Divination is one of Apollo’s primary gimmicks, and the portents of the Divination Wizard are ridiculously overpowered. It’s amazing, and the kind of game-breakingly good skills you’d expect when fighting the god of prophecies.

THEURGY

Although technically UA and no longer valid, if your DM will permit the Theurgy Wizard, this is the only way to play Apollo as both a Wizard, and as a god of healing and medicine. Furthermore, Apollo can straight up steal domain features from the cleric domain he chooses, and unlike the Cleric where the choice of Light is obvious, the Theurgy Apollo has a little more wiggle room, since he already gets access to most of the spells we chose Light for. As such, Apollo could choose Life to supercharge his healing, Grave to keep people from dying, or even War to be better adept at fighting with a bow. The choice is really yours and how you feel Apollo works best as a build.

BUILDING APOLLO AS: A VALOR BARD

Race: Scourge Aasimar (+2 CHA, +1 CON) Background: Entertainer (Acrobatics Athletics, Performance) Class: Fighter (1), College of Valor Bard (19) Skills: Animal Handling, Medicine, Perception, Survival Alignment: Chaotic Good

Fighting Style: Archery Number of Attacks: 2 Damage Resistances: Necrotic, Radiant Instrument Proficiency: Lyre

STATS STR 10 DEX 20 CON 14 INT 8 WIS 10 CHA 20

Skill Expertise (4): Athletics Medicine Perception Performance

Bardic Magical Secrets (6): 4 Divination 5 Swift Quiver 5 Contingency 6 Sunbeam 8 Sunburst 9 Mass Heal

Apollo’s Spell List

C Dancing Lights, Light, Mending, Message, Vicious Mockery 1 Cure Wounds, Detect Magic, Hunter’s Mark, Faerie Fire, Thunderwave 2 Lesser Restoration, Locate Object, Shatter 3 Clairvoyance, Mass Healing Word  4 Locate Creature 5 Greater Restoration, Mass Cure Wounds  6 True Seeing 7 Regenerate 8 Power Word: Stun 9 Foresight

BUILDING APOLLO AS: A LIGHT CLERIC

Race: Variant Human (+1 Wis, +1 CON) Background: Entertainer (Acrobatics Athletics, Performance) Class: Ranger (2), Light Domain Cleric (18) Skills: Animal Handling, Medicine, Perception, Survival Alignment: Chaotic Good

Fighting Style: Archery Feats: Alert

STATS STR 8 DEX 16 CON 18 INT 8 WIS 20 CHA 10

Domain Spells:

1 Burning Hands, Faerie Fire 2 Flaming Sphere, Scorching Ray 3 Daylight, Fireball 4 Guardian of Faith, Wall of Fire 5 Flame Strike, Scrying

Apollo’s Spell Book

C Light, Sacred Flame, Spare the Dying, Thaumaturgy, Word of Radiance 1 Cure Wounds, Detect Magic, Guiding Bolt, Hunter’s Mark, Inflict wounds 2 Augury, Lesser Restoration, Locate Object 3 Aura of Vitality, Clairvoyance, Revivify 4 Aura of Life, Divination, Locate Creature 5 Contagion, Dawn, Greater Restoration, Mass Cure Wounds 6 Harm, Heal, Sunbeam 7 Fire Storm, Regenerate 8 Sunburst 9 Mass Heal

I won’t go through the process of building the Warlock or the Wizard, as I only decided to build the two I felt had the strongest case, but I think Apollo came out fairly well considering the monumental task of cramming so many skills and abilities into a single playable character without cheating. Apollo is certainly a tricky god to build, but one that I feel came out pretty well.

[a-froger-epic]

Interview with a Queen “groupie”

Cross-posted to AO3. I encourage you to leave any comments you have there.

---

I compiled this interview following a long email exchange with J, a very sweet lady who went to Ealing Art School between 1972 and 1974. She knew all four members of Queen personally and was part of their larger circle of friends.

First off, you may find this hard to believe. I don’t blame you. But I assure you I’m not pulling your leg. As well as the pictures I share in this post, I have seen current pictures of J (which I will not share to protect her privacy). There is no indication as far as I am aware that she isn’t who she says she is.

Nastally, hold up. How exactly did you find this lady?

She found me. It turns out that she has been following my story Dawn of Aquarius for quite some time. The story is set in 1969. A lot of research about the era went into it, because I wanted to portray that time period - and Freddie’s and Roger’s surroundings - as accurately and realistically as I possibly could. That was what drew J in. She tells me it brought back a lot of memories for her. One of the reasons I love DoA so much is the nostalgia, she says, which genuinely means the world to me. Eventually, she talked to me in the comment section. Of course, I freaked out!

And then, I asked her for an interview, to which she replied: I will give it a go, but you must remember that I am 65 and there were great drugs in the 70s, and at 16, away from home, I had a lot!

And so...

Here’s what is IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND when you read this interview.

These are one woman’s 50-year-old memories and subjective impressions. J has been incredibly kind to let me pick her brain, trying to recall everything as best as she can. In her own words:

Just remember that when I answer the questions, it is from a 16-year-old who is 9 years younger than Freddie and a little girl with no family and friends in a strange country trying to fit in. The only reason I was there, was because some hippie thought I had a unique art style.

---

J as a teenager.

[I have edited the interview together from our long, and somewhat messy at times, email exchange. Typos have been fixed and some punctuation added for clarity, but I have not changed anything J has written to me. Again, bear in mind these are personal opinions and impressions.]

So, J, how did you end up at Ealing Art School in 1972 and what was it like?

This was the painting done for the Australian school-leaving certificate.

It placed first and gave me a scholarship. I could pick France, the USA or England. As a dual citizen of the UK, the choice was easy. The scholarship paid for board and fees, so had to be and sell whatever for spending money.

This picture is from the dorm. We all had a 10pm curfew and a very thick rule book that, I am proud to say, I broke every one of them, one by one. The rooms were on the 1st and 2nd floor. We were on the first floor, rooms one side and admin staff the other end. We had two bathrooms for 18 girls. One of them had two baths. The walls were your standard half wall, so it was a given that if you had a bath you run the risk of having a bucket of cold water dropped on you. Downstairs was the kitchen and lounge room.

I want to ask you a few things about life in London in the early 70s, to get a picture of what it was really like. For example, was there alcohol at the music gigs you went to?

If it was a school, church or community hall, no. If it was a pub, yes.

Did you and your friends drink as much then as young people tend to drink now when you all went out?

No, we didn't. I think it had a lot to do with money. We didn't have the disposable income, and it was unheard of to still be living at home with the parents after the age of 20.

Was weed and LSD as big and easily accessible as depictions of the 60s and 70s would have us believe?

The drugs! Got to have drugs. Pot (weed) was easy to grow, very cheap. Used to smoke it in bongs rather than joints, more bang for your buck. Trips [LSD] were cheap, I think. About 2 pounds and you were on the high for over 24 hours with no sleep. My drug of choice was hash. Either the oil or the block. It was a nice high, but you could not function well. But if you listen to the music of the time it really does reflect what it was like, to have a group of friends over for a session. Having said all that the most outlandish and shocking drug I ever saw anyone use was the birth control pill. Didn't you have to hide that stuff away?!

Can you tell us some 70s slang that isn’t really in use anymore? What in the world does “ultra-blagging” mean? (As written in a letter penned by Freddie to his friend Celine in 1969.)

Abso-bloody-lootely!

Man, I thought I was the bees knees to be on a scholarship in London. But that didn't stop me from jigging or having a skive day. They were the days that I blagged my way into a pub, had too many lagers and ended up chundering in the gutter. That was how you knew your night was ace. I would get a right bollocking if anyone found out. It would be a bugger when all that you could find at a car boot sale was chavtastic, but sometimes you could be Jammy Dodger and tickety-boo you find something brilliant. Bob's your uncle. Anyways, I need to see a man about a dog.

[It seems to me that J uses a bit of Australian slang here, like chundering, which makes sense because she is, after all, Australian. She also provided the translation:]

Cheers

J

It would be my honour.

I felt very privileged to be given a scholarship that let me study in England. But being so young and having no family to guide me, it was often tempting to not turn up or give a false excuse for being sick. (I had a lot of food poisoning). These would often happen if the night before I had been drinking beer and ended up vomiting outside the pub. But in my young mind that was a good night. If any of the teachers found me drinking I would be in a lot of trouble. Often I would have to say I was holding it for someone else. Not having much clothes with me, I would buy them second hand from church jumble sales or other students and, yes, Kensington market (the market). Some of the stuff would not be very tasteful or in good condition. But sometimes you would find something that was cheap and in good condition. I will stop this text now as I must go to the toilet.

PS: Ultrablagging sounds very Freddie. Blagging was used, but not ultra, meaning to persuade someone to do something or act better than you are. They were always rock stars.

Sincerely

J

[It was at this point that I realised I was talking to an absolute legend. She also told me then that the majority of her old photographs had sadly been lost when her house was flooded in 1988, including most of the photographs from her stay in London. Noooo! :(]

When you went out to dance, did you have only live music? Were there DJs yet?

You know, that is hard. We did not have a DJ. Sometimes there would be a band. Often we looked for places with a band or the jukebox. I think pubs closed at 10pm and some stayed open to 12 or 1, but public transport stopped at 9. So if you had not arranged a lift then you had to make the last bus. Most of the time we would be heading back to someone's place to get stoned and then crash there. In the morning you would have to work out where you were. When I got back to Australia, the discos were all the rage. They could have been in London too but it was not cool to like disco.

How many people would show up to Queen’s gigs when they played in pubs or at, for example, the Imperial College?

Depending on the location and the night: 10 to 1000!

So how did you first meet the Queen boys?

I was at the pub talking about a band we saw last week when Brian stuck his head into our booth telling us he knew a better one. Thinking about seeing them at the stall... Roger not often, Freddie quite a lot. Often on different stalls, I think that is why I can't remember the name. [The name of the stall. Other sources confirm that Freddie also worked at Alan Muir’s stall, for example, selling shoes.]

How well did you know them?

Just looking at your tumblr account. [she has had a look at my blog, where somebody asked if ‘groupie’ meant she had slept with the band] No, I never slept with the boys. I would not say I was a close friend, but I started at Ealing Art College in ‘72 and moved in the same circles. I loved the music and could be called one of the first groupies. I had to sneak into the pubs because I was 16. Roger always teased me for being so young. They all did seem to be one very large family, not just the band. It was a group of about twenty regulars, both male and female. Everyone knew that Fred was too gay to function. We were all at the gay rights march in London in 1972, had to run after the march. Lots of sharpies [Australian slang: youth gang, thugs] wanting to bash us. Back then I was in every protest that was going, student union rights, even the secretary protest. Just part of the times, stick it to Man or Woman. I left London in ‘74 for Australia, been here ever since and lost track of the boys but have never stopped being a fan.

What do you remember about them? How would you describe their personalities?

Don’t let the trolls hate me, but I did not like Brian. I found him to be rather full of himself. Space was a subject you never brought up around Brian or you would die of old age before he stopped talking. He was always the first to speak and start a conversation and then quickly passed you off to John, who was always tired and shy. Roger was also quite shy at times. He was very self-conscious of his looks, as he felt being pretty, nobody would take him seriously. Fred, well, he was not yet the big star, so I think he was working on his stage persona. When talking to groups at parties, he had the best stories of things that had happened to him or close friends. They were very funny and very descriptive. He was the life of the party. When he had a few to drink or was the centre of attention, he would take a cigarette out of the closest person’s hand and start smoking. Now remember this is the point of view of a 16-year-old girl that was a fish out of water, trying to fit in and not having much worldly experience.

It is said that Freddie and Roger were very stylish. How did they dress in everyday life?

Fred would do his hair and makeup to check the mail. Yes, he was always turned out, but so were a lot of people. Freddie did go over the top with hats, scarfs and jewellery. With Roger, it is a surprise he was able to have kids his jeans were that tight. And his shirts were always open unless he was in a jumper. I think it could have been so that you knew he was male, as it was the start of the unisex clothing. When I travelled out of London I realised it was a London thing. When I got back to Australia everyone thought I was a show-off.

There are some disagreements about how tall especially Freddie was. I know this is a difficult thing to try and remember accurately. But do you remember?

Freddie was taller than me but everyone was. Roger was shorter than Fred, but I never saw Roger in platform shoes. I did meet up with the band by chance at Sydney airport in 1984, said ‘hello’ but they did not remember me, or if they did then they did not say anything and I did not want to be a dork. At that time Fred was the same height as me (5ft 8in/1.72m), Roger was taller than me. It made me think at the time that he had a growth spurt! John was shorter than me and Brian has always been tall. [I have a feeling the platform shoes - or lack thereof - played a vital role here! Although 172cm for Freddie seems likely.]

You said everyone knew Freddie was “too gay to function”. Attitudes towards homosexuality have changed so much that it can be hard for us, now, to fathom what exactly people must have thought of him. Was it more of a joke that he was so camp? Was it something he would have been teased for? Also, he had a girlfriend. Did you ever meet Mary or the other girlfriends?

In 1972 a whole group of us - and I am pretty sure that Fred, Roger, Brian and Tim were there - were in a gay pride march. [Since then, J has found and showed me a picture of a boy she thought was Tim Staffel, and it wasn't, so Tim was most definitely not there. Whether Freddie, Roger and Brian really were there or if J is misremembering, who knows?] Us youth believed you could not choose who you fell in love with and if it was same sex, so what? However, if it was two girls then it was every guy’s duty to change her!

It was also a time that the gayer the guy was, the more the girls were interested. Also, if a guy was gay then you did not have to worry about him and he was a good person to take with you if you were going out drinking. However, the police, parents, teachers and anyone of authority were horrified and treated them badly. I did meet Mary a couple of times at pubs and once after a gig. This is just my opinion, but I found her a bitch. It could be that I was so young. It could be that I was very Australian. It could be that she felt threatened as my accent was a magnet to people around. And the boys (Queen) were no exception. Brian had a cousin in OZ and was always asking questions. I remember that my close group of friends thought that Mary made the perfect girlfriend for Fred as they were as fake as each other. Having said that about them, I often wonder if I would think the same now and if my perceptions were just because she would not give me the time of Day. Chrissy and Jo were a lot of fun.

This was before your time, but I read that Freddie's nickname at Ealing Art School was ‘Freddie Baby’. Any ideas how this came about? His showmanship or maybe personality traits?

I don't think so. There were an older crowd that would talk like that. I think the slang ‘baby’ was a 60’s thing, like groovy baby.

How long, roughly, did Roger and Freddie have their stall? I can't find anywhere when it closed down. What did it actually look like? Was it a sort of wooden stall type of thing? Or an actual room? What were some of the other things people sold at Kensington Market? Mostly clothes or all sorts?

The markets were little divided shops. The back was brick and the walls wood. I have been trying all day to remember the name. [Of the stall.] I think it was something hard to say. More often than not it would be Freddie's dad in the store. It was still open when I left. Roger and Freddie were both in the store on Saturdays and some Sundays. There was a girl, I think Jill, who was in the store more. And during the week it could be anyone. You name it and you could get it at the markets. Second hand or designer clothes, shoes, jewellery, pot and assortments. Hair cuts, food, bric-a-brac.

Wait, wait. What? Freddie’s dad? Really now?

Yeah, it was an older Indian man. so we just assumed it was his father. It was my understanding that he started the stall then the boys would work it as the whole markets were set up for younger people, but if needed he would work there. I don't think the boys would be able to pay the rent on their own. [I have since found out that the stall closed in late 1971, and Freddie continued to work at the Market until '74, for Alan Mair and possibly others. So the stall J witnessed wasn't their original stall - explaining all the different people she saw there - but she had no way of knowing that it wasn't.] They always had incense burning that was very big in the 70s. I still occasionally bring out the sticks, but it does not last like the candles and diffusers of today. If you could get in touch with Robert Daniels, he ran ChaChaDumDum it was the stall across from Freddie. He would know the dates.

[J says it’s this look, in a picture she happened across while looking at my tumblr] Yep, that is the one. It usually means that he does not believe or agree with something that was said and is working out how to respond, or he has lost the plot.

You mentioned Roger seemed shy to you at times. Was he also quite charming? We read a lot about what a chick magnet he was. Was this the impression you had?

My favorite subject! I had a thing for Roger. Everyone has a type and mine is the blue-eyed blond. Now, before you ask, was he brunet? No, he was a mouse/dirty blond. If it was summer he would have blond streaks mostly at the ends. He knew he was pretty and was always dressed in the latest fashion and had the current hairstyle. So, being my type I was constantly watching him. Everyone slept around during that time. I did not notice Roger doing it more or less. 80% of the time he was with Jo. Yes, he was a chick magnet, but he did not do the chasing. He was always very polite to everyone. If it ever looked like there would be any conflict he would be the first to leave it. It was not that he was a coward, just not into conflict. If he saw anyone that needed help he was right there, and often had to have Freddie's back. I never saw him in a fight. He could always talk his way out of things. He was also very patient and would listen for hours to other people talk. However, he would get this vacant look in his eyes at times.

And Freddie would either click his fingers, change the subject or just give up. I don’t think that Brian noticed, and it would be fair game for John, he would see how far he could push it. Roger liked to drink a fair bit and when drunk he would be hanging all over Jo. If she was not there then he missed Jo. If, however, he thought that he or his friends were not being respected, then look out! It was a verbal volcano heading your way. That is what happened to me one time. I was trying to talk with my friends close to where a drunken Roger was and I yelled at him to shut the hell up, you wannabe blond. We/I coped a mouthful back, all in the same sentence, that finished with: Sorry, I didn't realise you were on your rags (period)! I have to have the last word, so I told him the truth: I don’t get them yet! (I was a late starter.) He went so red in the face and called me JB [jail bait] from then.

You also mentioned Roger’s cat Ziggy having kittens. I read about this but never when exactly it was. Do you remember?

I think it was winter ‘73. I remember being cold when he was asking around the pub. [To find homes for the kittens, I gather.]

Is it quite strange reading fictional interpretations of real people you knew? When did you first find out there was Queen fanfic?

No, we used to make up stories about people all the time, a verbal fanfic. Was looking up Adam Lambert and came across the fanfics. Some had me in stitches! Others, like DoA, had me hooked.

Please, allow me to be a little self-indulgent at the end. What's one thing I got totally RIGHT in DoA?

All the Ibex stuff.

What's one thing I got totally WRONG in DoA?

Roger did not have a temper, and I don’t know what the go with his father was, but he would talk about him quite a bit and was always visiting his mum. [Absolutely fair, not only did I change the timeline of Roger’s parents divorce in DoA - for lack of information at the time - but also created a completely fictional narrative around it for the sake of storytelling.]

J, thank you so much for all this, sincerely. Can you tell me a little more about yourself? Are you still an artist?

I don't paint or draw any more. At the age of a 50 the doctors operated on an aneurysm or three, and now my eyesight is very bad, I have no fine motor skills and a tremor. I was married in January 1984 and have just celebrated our 37 year anniversary. I have one daughter who is 30 and two great, although tiring grandkids. A girl, 11, and one boy, 5. I have lived my life as the average middle class Australian with great memories. Talking with you has helped me a lot to remember a time when the world was mine for the taking. When I returned to OZ I started nursing, met my best friend, and we planned that once we graduated we would go back to London to study midwifery. But I fell in love instead.

J's wedding in 1984. As you can see, she found her own blue-eyed blond.

---

Upon request, J has shared some of her past and present artwork with me.

These are from her time at Ealing Art School:

These were done later, back in Australia:

J: Did this just before Christmas as you had inspired me. It did not require fine motor skills!

So there you have it! I hope you found this little glimpse through a 16-year-old girl’s eyes as much of a fascinating read as I did. I urge everybody one more time to remember that J did not have to share any of this, and I think we all owe her a big thank you for delving into her memories. She is likely to see the responses on AO3, so I have comment moderation enabled there as I will not let anybody harass this lovely lady. The tumblr she created is @since72, but she isn’t really an active user and also very new to it all. Again, I can only urge everybody to be respectful.

If you have other burning question for J, feel free to leave them in the comments on AO3. I will either pass them on, or she may want to reply to them herself directly.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

Sick Days

A/N: Another Steve AU for you guys. Also, I just hit 100 followers (like after I began writing this) which is crazy so thank you all! I’ll probably do one of those follower milestone things, I just have to figure out what. Thank you again my lovelies, I love you all! Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x F!Chubby!Reader (Or skinny reader, you can really fluctuate to your body type.) Word count: 2,486 Warnings: Some slight angst against side characters, swearing.

"Where’s Y/N?” His voice boomed to his various employees, the important ones all across the glass table in the large conference room. The sunlight beaming in through floor to glass windows was interrupted with shadows of the New York skyline, or at least the few buildings that were as high if not higher than the one that occupied Rogers Industries. Everyone fell completely still, completely quiet.

“Um, she texted me this morning, saying she was very sick, Mr. Rogers.” One of his associates very quietly replied.

“She’s sick?” He asked, sighing deeply, turning around and marching out of the room. He flew past the various hallways, every employee immediately moving out of their way for him in confusion and fear. Making his way to his office on the top floor, he slammed the grand doors grabbing his phone and immediately dialing your number. 

“Steve?” You answered after the third ring. Your voice was crackly, he could hear your sniffly nose from the other end, “I’m sorry I didn’t call I-” “Hey, hey, baby.” He cooed, immediately understanding you were actually sick, “No need to justify. How are you feeling?” His voice grew soft and tender, his face dropping from tensions with anger to now tensions with concern.

“Like death.” You responded, to which he sighed, “I haven’t been able to get out of bed, I have a fever of 102, I can’t eat, I couldn’t sleep last night I-” “Okay, okay, alright.” He interrupted you, thinking for a moment. “I need you to head over to my place-” “No, Steve.” You interrupted, “I am not going over to your apartment, excuse me, penthouse, in this condition.”

“Yes, you are.” He fought back.

“Steve, how am I even supposed to get out of bed?” You tried to reason, “It hurts to even pee.”

“Then I’ll pick you up. Literally.” “Steve, no.” You concluded, “Your day is already probably messed up because I’m not there to answer calls and deal with stupid people and help you with whatever you need. I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m not pitying you, I’m worried about you. And no my day is not messed up.” “Yet,” You began.

“Okay, yet.” He admitted, “No one is as good of an assistant as you are. I have four people, two of whom have PhDs, trying to juggle your job. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I don’t know either,” You lightly laughed, to the best of your abilities.

“How about I come over after work then?” He settled, “I’ll bring you some food, anything you want, okay?” You hummed over the phone.

“Sounds great.” You replied, “I love you, Stevie.” You smiled lightly.

“Love you too.” He smiled as well, hanging up.

You had been Steve’s assistant for 10 years. It was funny at first, he was an unknown man starting his own company at 24, you were fresh in college at 18 and needed a job. So, after seeing your work ethic and how smart you were, he decided to hire you, finding you as the perfect fit.

You has been his constant companion for those 10 years, traveling with him all the time, attending meetings, you were always by his side. There was a silent relationship between the two of you. Both of you knew some form of chemistry existed, but never acknowledged it. Until Steve finally asked you out only four months ago.

He had finally grown mature enough to throw away his playboy-type persona. He didn’t want women just to be there, and for them to be attracted to him for his money. Though he was one of the most handsome bachelors for women to lay their eyes on. No, he wanted a true life partner.

And you had been with him since the get-go, when sometimes he couldn’t even pay you one week because everything was so tight. But you stuck with him every second of the way, and he knew if you would go out with him it wasn’t because of his money, but because of him.

Sure, you weren’t as fit as many of the girls he had dated in the past. And maybe the media wouldn’t categorize you as a “beauty”. But you were the most gorgeous woman to him. You were mature, kind, smart, organized. He bragged about you to his closest friends from the beginning, before you even began dating, categorizing you as an “intellectual”, a compliment you would brush off not wanting to boost your ego.

“Jackie,” He called one of his associates who was an acting assistant of the day.

“Yes, Mr. Rogers?” She asked over the phone.

“I need you to get all of these things, preferably from that diner off Broadway and Warren. I need it ready in exactly 20 minutes, back to me in 30.” He began, “I’ve sent them over to you. Get it done. Now.” He hung up, residing back to his usual work.

Only a minute later his office phone was ringing. “Hello?” He answered, partially annoyed considering this has now disrupted his response to a passive aggressive email sent by a nobody at a partnering company.

“Mr. Rogers, they said it wouldn’t be ready for 45-” “Did I say 45 minutes?” He interrupted, aggravation filling his voice.

“No I just-”

“I don’t have 45 minutes. You’re now down to 28 minutes before the food should be placed on my fucking desk and ready to go.” “Mr. Rogers there’s nothing I can do-” “Maybe you can be assertive next time, Jackie, or you’ll be out of a job in a second. Figure it out.” He slammed the phone back on the desk with a loud bang, grunting and rubbing his hand over his face. Leaning back he reflected on your words. “Yet”. If you were the one in charge of that, the food would have been on his desk in 20 minutes, not ready in 45.

It didn’t only annoy him that clearly his associates had no ability to think outside of the little boxes they had placed themselves in, but he was talking about you. Although no one at the office, or in the company, knew you two were dating, anyone who got in the way of you would be fired in a hot second. In a moment he could have them standing outside his skyscraper, box in hands sobbing if they even attempted to bother you. You were not only the most precious asset to his company, you were the most precious thing in his life.

He continued his work, not worry too much about how everything was going outside of his office. If anyone fucked up, he would fire them. Easy as that. Once again, his gratitude for you grew greater and greater as he got a text from you.

Please don’t say you’re going to hard on people. I know you’re kind of an ass of a boss, but at least go a little easy on them today. Xo, Y/N

He couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Damn right he was an ass of a boss, and he prided himself on it. As he began responding, Jackie rushed in, looking both winded and scared. “Here you are, Mr. Rogers.” She placed the three bags full of food on his desk.

“You’re three minutes late.” He sat up, looking over the bags, “If I wasn’t in a good mood you would be fired. I’ll let you off on this one.” He sighed, she stood there and took a deep sigh.

“T-thank you, Mr. Rogers.” She nervously walked out.

Trying not to, babe :). Try to be nice to yourself, too, you deserve it. Xo, Steve

He responded, smiling as he sent it, counting down the minutes to be home with you, cooing you and comforting you. He wanted nothing more than to just sit with you all day and watch TV shows, hearing your snarky and stupid commentary. He loved every moment of it.

He removed his mind from his favorite topic, you, and decided to try and focus on some work, as a distraction from the fact he couldn’t be right there with you. Scrolling through stupid emails and paperwork only made his need to be with you all that much worst, his watch not moving fast enough for his liking. With a frustrated sigh he took matters into his own hands.

Stuffing his work in his workbag, he grabbed his phone, getting up and storming out of his office with the take out bags. Everyone looked up at him, confusion and worry ridden all over their faces. He never left early, let alone an hour early.

“Um, Mr. Rogers,” One of his associates perked up, trailing behind him a bit.

“What.” He snapped, not changing his gaze from straight ahead.

“You have that meeting in an hour with Mr. Wilson, where are you going-” Steve stopped in his tracks, turning around to face the boy behind him with a grimace look. “Where I am going is none of your business. And reschedule the meeting with him, he’ll understanding.” And just like that, the man took off again, leaving out the doors and to his car. Slamming his door, he messily started the ignition, holding the leather steering wheel to his Audi, knuckles turning white with annoyance.

His face was blank as he sped through New York traffic, aggressively beeping at all the idiots in his way. He knew you would be scolding the shit out of him right now if you were in the passenger seat, letting him know that you thought he should go back to driving school. He would just lightly smile at your spunk, loving it ever so much.

Speeding into your parking garage underground, he managed to finally find a spot, cursing himself out numerous times for not being there earlier to save one of these now filled spaces. He grabbed his keys and bags with speed, clumsily hanging onto everything, only determined to get to you.

He made his way up the elevator from the parking garage to floor 34, where you were. The elevator was far too slow, in his opinion. He had been meaning to get you a new apartment recently, not that your apartment wasn’t safe or anything. It just wasn’t nice or good enough for you, in his opinion. Granted, nothing in this world would be good enough for you in his eyes. You deserved every damn thing.

He walked out of the elevator, perseverance painted across his face. Finally, he made it to the far end of the carpeted hallway, grabbing your key off of his key ring and placed it in, taking a sigh when it opened. “Baby?” He called, his entire mood changing in a second at the smell and sight of your home. When there was no response, he quietly shut the door, locking it, placing the bags of food on the counter.

Taking his work shoes off along with his jacket and tie, he crept into your room. There you were, an angel from the heavens in his sight, scrunched up in your own warmth under your large comforter, your favorite blanket sprawled out over you. He smiled to himself, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt and removing his cuffs.

Climbing into bed next to you as easily as he could, in hopes he wouldn’t stir you, he placed his large arm over your body, shorter than his, and moved himself closer to you, providing warmth. You moved a bit with a light groan, “Stevie?” You asked, still half asleep, but moving over and closer to his warmth so now you were now the little spoon.

“Hey, baby doll.” He whispered with a smile, kissing the top of you head. “Go back to sleep, m’kay? You need rest.” You shook your head with a yawn, opening your eyes to see the man you loved, a smile growing across your face.

“You woke me up.” You slightly laughed.

“’M sorry.” He smiled back, taking your messy, natural, unbrushed hair in his fingers and brushing out some of the small tangles.

“It’s okay.” You moved even closer to him so every inch of your side was touching his warmth.

“Have you eaten anything today?” He asked next, with a sweet, calming voice. You shook your head into his shoulder, “Okay,” He muttered, “I brought you some food.” “Stevie I’m not that hungry-”

“I got you chicken tenders.” He countered. You sighed in defeat.

“Fine.” You replied, rolling over just a bit to let him go get it. He got the memo, getting up and quickly retrieving the take out boxes.

“Here ya go, babe.” He smiled, helping you sit up, and giving the box to you.

You graciously accepted the food, opening it and taking a bite, sighing with a smile. “Best boyfriend ever.” You smiled, taking another bite and leaning your head on his shoulder. “So,” You began, “How was the office today?” He scoffed, “A nightmare.” You chuckled.

“Of course it was.”

“I had four people playing my assistants today, and not a single one could send an email to Stark or Barnes, my two most prominent allies in this business. It’s ridiculous-” “Steve,” You interrupted, “I already sent those emails today.” “For real?” He turned to you, his face turning serious, “You have a fever of 102, can barely move, and you sent two emails?” “And faxed over some paper work, and scheduled a few of your meetings for next month, and got your next travel itinerary set.” You responded.

“Jeez,” He sighed, at a complete lose for words, “You are one of a kind, you know that? Literally the most incredible person at that company, or most companies for that matter.” You lightly smiled.

“No need to flatter me, I was doing my job.” You blew it off.

“Your job today was to rest and relax.” “Steven,” You looked up at him, “You’re forgetting who I am. I’m not relaxing until my work is done,” You continued, “Now that it is, I say we watch some TV for the rest of the night. Game of Thrones or Westworld?” You asked next. He just looked at you confused, “Westworld it is.” You replied, grabbing your remote on your bedside. “Now c’mon, you need to relax too. I can feel how tense you are from here.”

“Fine.” He replied, reluctantly loosening his shoulders a bit.

“There you go babe,” You smiled, sniffling a bit due to your current condition right after, “Just relax a little. We’re not at work, no stupid people.” He lightly laughed. Using his hand, he took your chin and moved your head to look at his face.

“I’m the luckiest guy in the world, you know that?” You smiled and maneuvered your head to his shoulder again.

“Not nearly as lucky as I am to have you, Mr. Rogers.”

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hiiii!!! 💫💕🌸🥳

Can I bother with a question... I was (re)watching that zhang qiling edit (not today) - 'cause it's so cool, btw- and I wondered if Reboot Xiaoge’s your favourite one...? And if you're up to answering, what do you think about the other adaptations? Especially (our small bean) xiao yuliang's interpretation of xiaoge?

🤗🌺💐🐰💕

Hey, my precious patootie hehe ILY it always makes me very happy knowing that you rewatch my vids <3

lol dang it, I was kinda hoping to avoid this question, just because I feel like I'd find it hella hard to explain some things, but I'll try my best and hopefully it'll make some sense xD

I'll start from afar bc I wanna try to explain my reasonings, since I don't want to go without arguments into such highly debated question lolz. I talked about this a bit in my previous asks somewhere, but not broadly as to why that one guy hit all the right spots.

So throughout the books Wu Xie always does this wonderful thing, where he very tangibly describes the feeling he gets when Xiaoge is near, I mean like the aura around him. And he always somehow does it so colorful, that this mix of safety, assurance, calmness, composure and some things I can't quite put into one noun, that he brings to him, I think everyone who've read the books can recognize as this almost magical "Xiaoge feeling". It's not just the way he acts in some dangerous situations or smth like that. It's just everything. You either have it or you don't. And here goes my first argument... to me none of them, except for Huang Junjie and Yuliang have it.

I mean it's not even the obvious stuff, it's like the way they move during the action scenes, the way they even stand and hold themselves, the way they touch Wu Xie, the tone of their voices (both of which are like soothing as fuck), little things you'd think wouldn't matter, but when you watch it and all the puzzle pieces are together, you're like... fuck yeah, thats him.

Also not really that weighty of a point, but to me there's always a joy to see that the actor who plays the character not only gets what's he's playing, but also loves it, bc it's always seen on screen. Usually when some asked about the character they play and what they have in common for example they answer with obvious things like if some character is introverted they're like "well I also don't talk very much" or smth like that, you know what I mean. When I was watching interviews of Yuliang and Huang Junjie I was just smiling so much, bc they've said such things that made me go "yeah, Qiling is safe in their hands".

In Reboot case working in such close proximity with the author definitely also played a huge role here. Bc it kinda gets complicated in some aspects since the books are written from Wu Xie's point of view and you can't only base your picture on his perspective, just bc it's coming from a person who after being basically told "you're my whole world" goes "I'm just a person he randomly passes by in his long life" in his thoughts. Not only he's utterly clueless and dumb when it comes to all this, that he wouldn't notice the way Qiling looks at him and other things, its also not that kind of book, that would go "I suddenly caught poker face looking at me like I'm his whole existence" (and I honestly don't want it to be that book lmao). So you have to take into the account here stuff like what author says to get the whole picture, bc if you look at that from the point of Qiling's view for example, this shit takes a whole wild turn. So I really loved that in UN and Reboot ways of showing Qiling's feelings were well thought out and fit the timeline.

Bc it also works both ways, when it comes to other adaptations. Like Qiling is very and I mean ETREMELY hard to win over. We all know that it was a very long process of gaining his trust and even longer for him to fall for Wu Xie to the point of him being his everything. So what I want in those interpretations is for them to get at which point of their relationships what Xiaoge's behavior makes sense. I do not need any fanservice if it ruins the character, I'll just hate it. The thing that their feelings didn't come out of nowhere is what I LOVE about this ship, bc I'm not the kind of person who believes in "we love for nothing" thing and love at first sight thing (only "got hots for each other" at first sight), bc thats bull. Wu Xie became his everything after a long LONG process of getting to know each other. At the beginning tho he was the same stranger to him as everyone else. So what Reboot Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie yet and what UN's Qiling feels for Wu Xie is not what Lost Tomb's Qiling feels for Wu Xie (which at that point was nothing). And I feel like not everyone gets the fact that you can totally wreck the character if you make him behave not the way he behaved in that particular time. Like for example, if someone would make a MDZS adaptation where at the very beginning of their relationships LZ treats WWX the way he treated him after the reincarnation just because "who cares, it's still LZ", that would be dumb af, see what I mean. So Xiaoge having a weakness for Wu Xie in part one is automatically not a Xiaoge to me, bc a huge part of his character and the thing NPSS speaks a lot about is just how IMPOSSIBLE it is for someone to catch his attention and how long it took Wu Xie to get there. So let's just say to me UN and Reboot Qilings for the first time didn't feel like some mashup or character summary/parody, they were Qilings the way they are supposed to be in that part of the story, bc it was the only times someone actually bothered to coordinate it.

Now as to why I prefer one to another. Xiaoge has this thing... the way he holds himself with other people, that is sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally suppressing.

Like everyone knows that if you're a passerby, Qiling genuinely doesn't fucking care and would in fact be pretty harsh about it in terms of treating people like they do not deserve their attention. He won't be like "please, don't bother me", he simply ignored them like an empty space. He is also like that with acquaintances who in his opinion do not deserve his respect like that girl who went hysterical, bc she was upset that he was the only one who wasn't drooling on her like all other men on the crew, Chen Wenjin, Wu Xie's uncles and etc. He's not openly disrespectful unless they trigger him in some way (usually by trying to act superior or later on for not treating Wu Xie right), but if they do, he will in fact remind them their place in sometimes a very rude way, at times humiliating them in front of ppl bc he looks younger than them and talking starts.

He's always doing things on his own terms and hates being told what to do. Like he legit scared Chen Wenjin just with a look and the tone of his voice when he said "let go", when she tried to command him on the mission and grabbed him trying to lecture him about what he should or shouldn't do. That's why Wu Erbai didn't even try anything like this and let him do whatever he needed to do and equally lead the mission in Reboot. And why the scene where Wu Xie 'commands' "Xiaoge, come back" and he immediately listens holds another special place in my heart. Bc he NEVER and I mean NEVER allows such things to ANYONE.

So here I came to a point of why despite loving them both dearly, my favorite Xiaoge is Huang Junjie.

I have this dissonance with Yuliang's version when to me in many scenes it felt like he and Wu Xie are the same age. Like if he was Xiaoge, but in his 20s. In his interactions with Chen Wenjin the dynamics was turned upside down, with him being okay with her telling him what to do and just in general the way she behaved with him. Same as like I didn't always quite believe him to be on par with older generation or even Pangzi, it just felt like he was truly younger than them. Some scenes that I do find extremely cute just don't fit book Xiaoge at all, I'm talking about some moments like his face when Wu Xie gave him food, or him pouting and many things he's done, when you were going "uwu he's a baby". He just never gives me this feeling in the books ever, not just bc he's 100 years old, but sad fact here.. bc he's simply unable to behave that way. Like in the books you'll desperately want to shower him with love, but he's just... I can't quite explain, it's very sad.

I guess it's just you know these characters, who are like hundreds years old, but look like they're 18? I think you have to be very careful with how you write those, so you could deliver that. And in UN because of some changed dynamics and scenes I straight up forgot about it, until Wu Xie threw some joke like "he's an old man" in front of a restaurant.

In Reboot Xiaoge could make Wu Erbai stutter with one move, put Yuliang's version in the same scene, I just don't think it would've worked. Like I'm trying to imagine him telling UN's Wu Erbai what to do and having troubles already haha. Same as I don't think he's capable to be genuinely mad at Wu Xie, and HJJ nailed it esp in one of my fav when Wu Xie was laughing at Pangzi's joke about him catching cold. The look he gave him and how ZYL just retreated was priceless xD. And boy could Qiling get angry with him in the books!

Otherwise I didn't have any drastic fall outs there, like with Joseph's Wu Xie and Ah Ning's death, because that was just too much of a difference, but there were still moments where it was once again this the same scene completely different emotion thing. He was more tolerable to ppl in general here, more pliable. And 50% of the time he gave me the cute lost kitten type, which I just cannot connect with the feeling he gave me in the books. His personality is a cat type 100%, but like seriously "cute baby" is the last word combination I would ever apply to book Xiaoge, but with Yuliang's version it's easily applied. So small bean he is indeed. With Joseph and in UN it works incredibly perfect to me, but the way he is in UN is at times too gentle. And there are lots of scenes where Joseph himself looked at him in a way "you're too cute, let me pinch your cheeks" kind of way, or the way he like sat down next to him on the coast, he was a bit babying him at times. I can't imagine book pingxie doing that. It's just a whole different vibe, the way he takes care of him, the way he lets him take care of him... it's...uuuuuuuuu another vibe (see, I'm so good at explaining lmao).

It's also kinda funny to me, bc HJJ who's the smallest and who irl truly a kitten never once gave me that feeling on screen for some reason. The one babied and loved by every crew and old ppl, who was cutely hiding behind ZYL's back on set, who won't sue an ex who almost ruined his career bc of how stupid she is, bc he "didn't want to hurt her", who according to staff can't even step on a fly, whom CMH was petting for several minutes after he had to hit him with a prop brick bc he didn't wanna do it lmao. I was just like.. ok, this is hilarious, bc I in fact didn't expect him to be a small bean, so watching all the bts made me go LOOOOL. Probably ZYL acting like a 3 year old helped him transform and the age difference problem got lost lmao

As for other adaptations. You know I can't watch seriously "Lost Tomb", I think some ppl probably have some nostalgic feeling about it, but I'm sorry, to me it's fucking hilarious. Like I've already said it looks like some type of twilight parody thing or smth. Soft damselle Wu Xie esp killed me, bc 1st when he ever was that, 2nd in the first book he's salty af, I don't even know this dude in this interpretation, I was like who's this. YangYang I know him from other things, I really don't think it's his role. I know the script and everything is bad. I know the costume and hair are horrendously funny, but it's just I was watching him in those action scenes and was like no... just I'm sorry but I'm not feeling it. I simply just don't know what to say about the whole thing seriously, bc I don't even know where to start. 10 episodes of some salad finished with one mutilated scene from book 6 for no reason the fact that characters are weird themselves also I can't quite tell, did they really just meet or they imply smth else lmao.. I'm sorry, but I do not get it.

I've given LT2 another try after finishing all the books and I've dropped it half way through, Cheng Yi wasn't even close to how I pictured Xiaoge in any aspect. He in fact didn't do anything OOC or off the book or anything, I just was like "not my Qiling". Happens sometimes.

Explore with the note you already know how I feel about this lol let's just forget.

P.S. To be fair here also maybe we should take into account the fact that some got luckier than other with "at which point" Xiaoge they're playing. Like for example, "Wrath of the Sea" and "Qingling Tree" books which is LT2 is not exactly you can say much about Qiling there, he trolls them there in the beginning (in a brilliant way that was totally lost in the adaptation) and he is there in "Wrath of Sea", but it's not the part that can make his character shine in any way, there's not much things happening there that would make you fall for him or get to know him; Yuliang grabbed the fattest piece bc it's middle several books, when they're always together and his character shines the most in terms of clues about past, opening up to Wu Xie and Pangzi, and there are many many events where you can get the picture of what kind of man he is; Huang Junjie grabbed my fav piece of utter devotion, where he's already fully and wholeheartedly belongs to Wu Xie, that I'm just weak for. So like... there's also that I guess xD.