#i can do some overtime at work but also. idk if i wanna put my body through that; especially with all the new health stuff coming through

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Torn between wanting to really really try and save up some money but with all my medical stuff going on it's not gonna be easy at all, so um. might just indulge anyways

[thesupernaturalhouse]

The mroe I think about it the mroe I realize I don't know what exactly I was to do with Adam and the exorcists in the hazbins fallen au

On the one hand, I want to keep it close to canon, on the other hand, I want to show that really nobody is at fault, and it's just a bunch of miscommunication and mistakes

Like, I highly doubt the exorcists had a choice to be exorcists, and it's not like they can just- retire

I just really want to expand on heaven and how it works and is flawed

Cause like I don't think heaven is doing anything out of maliciousness, like, Sera obviously doesn't like doing the exterminations but allows them out of futy and fear of having hell residents destroying heaven and tormenting their victims who amd eit to heaven further

Like, if I was told rapists and murderers were coming to my house, I'd grab a gun to!

The exorcists likely had no choice but to kill, and overtime just, grew into it

Adam.....well, an asshole obviously, but even then, he wouldn't be a real problem if he wasn't put in the position of being the exorcist leader and able to take out his aggression in the dude who stole both his wives. He'd still be a dick but not a threat

Honestly, idk if I want to have him die in the fallen, I feel like there's a lot more that could be done with him. The finale battle is obviously gonna be included I mean- it has to be, but maybe Adam lives in this au

Or, at the very least, comes back as a sinner/fallen angle. That's gonna be difficult to write, though, if I do go with that

Like, I think the biggest reveal in the au is gonna be that heavens rules ARE rigged....but not on purpose, the rules were made when the archangels ruled and it was just left uo to one seraphim to deal with everything

They were written when humanity was starting out, written when they thought humans woukd stay the same- but they don't, they change, they ahve reasons for doing bad things

But the rules are just that, rules. They can't look at someone's past and see that they stole to provide for their family. They just see stole and send them to hell.

The system is rigged, but it's not anybody's fault. It's just a bunch of miscalculations and mistakes

And even though it's not anybodies fault, the actions that have been taken have affected innocent people, intentionally or not, and they need to fix it

So I mean, I'm not sure how ambitious that is of me, but it is what I want to at least TRY to do

I wanna add another more detailed layer rather than just have 'heavens actually bad and hell is actually good'

I mean, maybe the archangels oversaw people's sins and backstorues and stuff and decided where they went, but then they left for some weird reason. Hey, maybe I make them the real villains, and they dip cause the human project wasn't going how they wanted, so I left it to Sera/the rest of heaven and just dipped to go do smth else

Like, nobodies at fault for what your ancestors chose to do. And even then, I mean their angels. They can't really realize their actions caused so much chaos so even then it circles back to no one's really wrong people just fucked uo and made bad mistakes/choices

Cause like, Sera being portrayed as the bad guy rubs me the wrong way nd Emily saying "killing innocent souls" in cnaon also runs me the wrong way. Like, Emily, I love you....but I can guarantee that MOST sinners are not innocent. You might get some who were falsely condemned or have minor crimes and can change, but you also have people like Valentino for fucks sake

Side note I think what she shouldve said was "you are killing, possibly innocent souls" or something similar

I guess the main theme? I wanna go for in my fic/au is 'change' and that people can be wrong without being in the wrong, or being the bad guy

So that is a LONG rant, I honestly didn't mean for it to be this long- it was jsut meant to be like "idk what to do with the murder angles please help me" and turned into a rant.....

Anyways, I'll save the main theme talk for another day

[doin-just-fine]

What the brain doin?? PT. 2 of a questioning median system's journey

TW: This post may be triggering for systems who are prone to denial spirals.

"Plural vs Neurodivergent"

Am I a system or just neurodivergent

As I continue my potential system journey I want to make sure that I am open to other non-options as being answers to my situation. I don't wanna jump blindly into "I'm a system". I need to keep in mind that I am neurodivergent and just so happen to have a hyper-fixation on plurality. I need to remember that some symptoms may be confused with symptoms of my ADHD. I also need to make sure that I'm not just running into this because its one of my hyper-fixations. So...

Comparing masking and code switching to my experiences

Background

I was never really told about my ADHD beyond it makes it harder for you to control impulses, sit still, and focus. When I was diagnosed at age 8 there wasn't really enough information out there anyway. I started medication immediately and have been taking in every single day of my life since. I am now 22.

What handling my ADHD like this means:

Developing a tolerance to a dosages happened faster because I never took a break so I was on a really strong dosages really fast.

I grew up really distant from my ADHD symptoms (and other things) beyond the ones that broke through the medicated barrier.

When I take breaks from my meds now, I have the coping skills of a 2nd grader.

I am almost 100% certain that all my system questioning started when I ran out of meds and couldn't get more for several weeks back in April. The other things I grew up distant from were my emotions. I can feel the highs and lows but I can't feel the in-betweens. If you ask how I'm doing at any given moment I'll usually answer "idk" cus I genuinely don't know. I don't know how to answer that question.

My working theory as to why we might be a system is that we are a Neurogenic system. That our neurodivergency and how we coped with it is why we split off but in a "not-really" way.

Since I grew up with little information about what ADHD was and how distant I grew up from my own symptoms means that I am less familiar with the definitions of masking and code-switching than your average ADHD haver. I understand what they are and when I do them but I am fuzzy on how far those coping techniques go for me.

Comparing masking/code-switching to a plural experience.

Masking is typically defined as a technique used by neurodivergent people to hide their symptoms in an attempt to blend in with neurotypicals. Examples of this that I know I do are forcing eye contact, adding fill words when listening to someone to show you are actively listening ("right", "uh-huh", "totally", etc) usually paired with non-stop head nodding, not stimming or relying of little subtle stims, putting up with sensory nightmare environments, etc. When I find that when I'm adding things to my mask I have to actively remind myself while masking to do the thing but overtime it becomes habit.

Code-switching is typically associated with linguistics but is also used to describe the neurodivergent technique of context masking. From what I can tell, code-switching is what happens if you have two different friend groups with two very different vibes. When you hang out with one group you're going to mask and present yourself differently to fit in better than you would with the other group. Another popular example is theres you when you're with your friends and you're when you work in costumer service. Typically, those are two different ways of behaving. Code-switching and masking tend to over lap. Code-switching is like being able to pick the mask you put on.

I've read that typically, masking is unconsciously executed and code-switching is consciously executed.

Switching/Fronting can definitely fall into a similar pattern. If an alter is fronting and need to interact with someone they may mask to appear like the host OR if the host is co-con they may take control for a moment when interacting with someone. Similarly, some systems may have a member who's role is to go to work and so they may appear as the "work persona". I'm also sure there are systems who have members that are drawn out while around certain friends or friend groups, or even other system's alters!

You can start to see why this can get really confusing!!

Comparing my experience

It's so hard to draw the line on what is or isn't a "typical" experience anymore.

I disagree with the idea that masking is typically unconsciously utilized for me at least. I feel like my mask is always evolving and being improved upon, as a result I am constantly thinking about it and how well it's working. Yes, a lot of the mask becomes habit but on days where masking is hard I have to actively think about keeping up the mask.

As for code switching I feel like that can also become more unconscious over time. I worked in customer service for 4 years, I only had to actively think about code-switching for the first month really then it just became habit. In my first post, when describing what it's like to exist in my brain, one way I described it was:

"The way people describe masking but for me it feel like a more extreme level, where I’m not TRYING to change my behavior, it just sorta happens and I’m 'someone else'. What I called masking felt more like skipping songs in a playlist to get to the right one instead of putting on a mask."

I think this is actually me describing code switching. The other descriptions I listed in that post still stand.

I have never experienced someone else fronting (to my knowledge). As far as I'm aware I'm always in the front. I have no amnesia except for emotional amnesia where I am emotionally detached from certain memories. I'm going to make a separate post about dissociation because that's another confusing one. To really simplify, The closest I get to evidence of others in my mind are thoughts that don't feel like mine, and feelings that don't feel like mine.

I don't want to reflect on past times where I think someone may have been co-con and compare that to how I experience masking/code-switching because I can easily insert things that never happened into that reflection. Mayhaps I will wait until a moment like that happens after I post this and I'll make an edit to the post and reblog it.

Until then don't know what to conclude from all of this. Hopefully it helps someone else compare their experiences. If I am wrong about thing stated here please let me know. As always if you want me to expand upon something mentioned or have any questions, comments, or comparisons my asks are open please feel free to put it all there!!!

[coffee-at-annies]

I don't think I've asked this before but how did you get into hockey?

Haha it’s kinda a funny story. The tl;dr is that I binged all of check please (omgcp) (source of my url) in like 2.5 days during spring finals week in my sophomore year. Then I went home and I don’t remember how the conversation went but I was like “yeah just binged the entirety of this comic, don’t we like… have a hockey team?” and turned on the tv to game six or seven of the ecf cause it was 2016 and late May. I watched us eliminate the bolts and the rest is history.

Or as history as building an interest up over time can be. The rest is going under a cut cause the adhd loooooves to talk.

Anonymously or not, ask me something you’ve always wondered.

Since I was 19, didn’t have a summer job, and newly into this hockey thing that’s how I ended up at the 16’ cup parade despite discovering hockey existed like 3 weeks ago.

(Side note: I don’t remember much of the ecf and scf from that year I just remember Kuni’s double overtime winner and the sign Rust is tough on Bolts). (Great pun 10/10 I refuse to forget).

(side-side note: My sister had actually won free tickets through a work raffle at like Christmas time to a game and took my dad and cousin cause I think I was back at school. Someone, Idk who, scored a hat trick and she was like “there’s a blizzard outside, you need those” so that was technically my first* awareness that hockey existed)

From there I was super hyperfixated on check please but that didn’t have an update schedule and was going through continual hiatus followed by drops of episodes. So there was content drought and then massive content updates and so fandom both kept itself busy and then drove itself insane whenever there was an update.

In the meantime I did a couple different things:

I got super into omgcp fandom/fanfiction which lead me down a couple rabbit holes (and eventually led to the creation of this blog sometime in 2017). At some point we got junior year wherein Jack makes it to the nhl in-story so the fanfic I was reading started crossing over with rpf until I straight up started reading rpf. I wanna say the first rpf-no-omgcp fic I read (or the title that stuck in my brain) was there was an old woman who lived in a shoe. One ao3 rabbit hole spat me out into original hockey fiction (there’s a handful up for free on ao3 - supernatural hockey and the same old streets were the two I have strong memories of). This was over the course of years mind you.

It’s important to note that the venn diagram of check please bloggers and hockey bloggers is not quite a circle but was very close to one. This has always been the Sidney Crosby website and so while I may not have been paying close attention to the pens, my dash was aware of it. It was probably easier to get into because I had a go-to team and they were good. What was I gonna do, become a flyers fan cause I was in school in Philly? No thanks. Plus it felt good in a local pride “we are that bitch” kinda way.

Idk how to describe it. I just know that like once the 16-17 season started, I started watching games through pirate streams. Not very often I don’t think. I remember watching a handful of games, not religiously (and legally) like I do now. I remember staying up to watch the stadium series game in 17 cause I was in Manchester studying abroad but that’s the only game I specifically remember. I could probably name a handful of pens lb blogs from those days that are what put live blogging on my dash in the first place and are the reason I started doing it.

Also that fall a college friend invited me to watch Yuri On Ice so that was another tick in the ice sports good column. I remember a post about how are you coping with the omgcp hiatus are you getting into YOI or Hockey and I was like both :).

It’s wild to think it’s been 7 or 8 years now. Check Please ended so hockey took over full time. I’ve made a bunch of friends and also watched a bunch of bloggers I had parasocial relationships with deactivate, get busy, or move on with their lives.

(*there are other memories. Friends who were into hockey back when the end all be all of sports to me was one baseball game a summer, saying here we go Steelers in the fall, and memeing like that one IT Crowd gif. I went to the 16 cup parade with one of my high school friends, though I’ve stuck with hockey and she’s switched to soccer).

[televinita]

Library Triage! kinda?

I have soooo many library items checked out right now and I’m making progress on returning none of them; between working overtime and spending way more of my downtime than usual just incessantly watching the same clips on YouTube, I am not reading very much. But I can’t seem to let anything go. So this (even more than usual) is just me trying to make sense of everything so I don’t lose any items this time...

Part 1: DVDs

No Escape: I have watched this already (twice now in this checkout period, including the one with commentary!) so really I should be done with it, but I’m not. I want it close at hand. It’s too good.

The Hollow Crown: Complete Series: the gifs have been promising so we’re gonna have fun with this. Eventually. Right now my ability to handle it is taking one look at a still from any of them and immediately turning into a cartoon with eyes/heart ballooning out of my body, so I am not yet calm enough for that.

The Night Manager: I’m pretty sure this is actually the project I’m going to target next. I know what I gotta shield my eyes about but I also think I can manage the rest of it, and I’m finally interested in the larger story.

Thor 1-3 + The Avengers: for when I’m ready to continue my Loki journey.

(And yet, I’m still over here like, “I gotta go check out those other two movies I want to see. I gotta.”)

================

Part 2: Books

After Perfect -  Maan Gabriel: 2 months ago, I pulled several titles off my Goodreads TBR that I thought I might like to try soon. And then...Hiddleston Spiral. Library is already down to 1 copy of this small-press 2021 release (they started with 3 or 4), and I’m genuinely afraid it’s gonna get weeded entirely very soon. But still, I think I’m too far off course now to be in the right mood for this particular romance, which is rare (age-appropriate student/creative writing professor, except the professor is the younger one), so I want to save it.

Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix (illustrated): I’ve decided not to reread this one yet, I’m just looking at the pictures, but even that I can’t commit to doing. I have been waiting more than a year for this release to get into my hands; I have to be ready to appreciate them. Block out an hour or so to observe/maybe reread select passages/jot notes on my faves.

The Hungry Place - Jessie Haas: a children’s pony book by an author I like that I really thought I would be more excited about/devour quickly, but instead I’m kind of blocked up about it. Like. There is some sadness here before the happy parts, IDK if I’m ready for it!

Just Gus - McCall Hoyle: speaking of children’s books, a cute one about a dog, companion novel to Stella. It really won’t take me more than 90 minutes to read. Why do I keep putting it off.  [edit: go me, I actually started this one in the brief interim between queuing this post and its appearance]

The Essex Serpent - Sarah Perry: still haven’t even opened it, but I WILL whether I fully read it or not.

(Meanwhile: those 20+ books I just bought and was kinda planning to read at least some of soon...) (p.s. I actually have my latest sale post written up! I just wanted to take photos)

+ 5 books I’ve technically read but don’t wanna give back because I love them and love paging through them

+ 3 Taylor Swift CDs -- Reputation for Getaway Car (I don’t think I’m ready to explore further yet, but I have as yet been too lazy to rip it); and Folklore and Lover to play in the car, the former’ cause I don’t own it and the latter ‘cause IDK where I put my copy and am frankly too lazy to look. :P

[elysianslove]

Hi! Can you do roommates au for kuroo, oikawa, iwachan and atsumu?

hi!! thank you for requesting i hope you like these!!

kuroo tetsurō

kuroo as a roommate is both the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to you

for one, you always have a tutor in case you need help 

and he’s really good at keeping you in check

will always make sure u eat, sleep well, manage your time

stuff like that

but

BUT 

he’s so messy pls

like every room might as well be kuroo’s room because his stuff is always everywhere 

this is only a good thing when his shirt/hoodies end up in your domain 

bc this guy’s like 6’1? 6’2? doesn’t matter who you are his clothes are comfy whether they fit right or dwarf you 

does not know how to clean

at all

like how difficult can cleaning be??? idk ask kuroo

he’s really good at picking up new habits though so he’s your designated cook

cleaning is on you, cooking is on him

i hope that’s okay w u bc otherwise u will not survive 😃

he’s so big on cuddling 

he’ll ask you to sleep in the same bed constant nights 

at first it’s so ??? weird??? 

like why would u??? 

but then u find that it’s actually kinda nice

it’s a great way to destress bc as soon as ur cuddling ur mind just turns off 

@ the tutor thing 

he’s a really good teacher 

but his notes?

get ur own <3 

literally no one but kuroo can understand them so good luck g 

anyways overall he’s a great roommate good job on scoring this hunk of a man 😻

oikawa tōru

first few months, he completely avoids you

weird i know i know

but oikawa is not someone that just opens up to anyone yk? he’s very selective. it takes a while for him to trust you

but you live in the same house so it’s inevitable 

it’s not that he avoided you per se but he kept your interactions to a minimum 

which had been fine by you! he was respectful of your privacy, did his part to maintain the house while you did yours, etc 

it’s when he starts getting comfortable that’s the problem 

i think it would happen spontaneously and you two would stay up s o late together out of nowhere and suddenly you’d know each other’s deepest darkest secrets 

believes in those roommate bonding activities 

friday nights are reserved for the two of you, and that’s a set rule. only extreme cases have priority over it

can’t cook and can’t clean

but he’s so good at lifting up his legs while you vacuum <3 

literally if you leave for the weekend you come back to an unrecognizable home 

the amount of shit he’s broken bc of volleyball like literally go play anywhere else 

overall he’s a great roommate because he’s both respectful of your boundaries and genuinely really fun to have around 

(so fucking annoying though sometimes you just wanna suffocate him in his sleep hehe)

iwaizumi hajime

best roommate hands down he’s the perfect candidate oh my god 

he will cook

and he will clean

he’ll be respectful 

he’ll help you with your work 

only issue is he’s a bit standoffish you’ll think he hates you for the longest time

until you just straight up ask him “do you hate me?” 

and he’ll be genuinely so shocked like “no! what? why would i live with you if i hated you? what?” 

god he’s so precious 

i see iwa as someone that likes routine 

so it’d be great if you can adapt to that/adapt to his routine specifically 

you two split the work evenly so well

like if he takes care of breakfast (cooks or it buys it), dinner is on you

spring cleaning is actually so fun with hajime because he actually puts in as much effort as you

but also 

you’re blasting some music on the speakers and using the broom as a mic that he can’t help but let loose tbh 

he learns your quips so well overtime it’s amazing he just 

he just knows you so well is he psychic or some shit???

will never force you to like do any bonding activities but i see you two just playing a shit ton of boardgames together, things like monopoly

loser gets extra chores hehe 

god i want roommate iwa in my life so bad

a really good roommate because of the fact that he’s super mature and a really thoughtful person in general

miya atsumu

worst one 

he’s the WORST

like oikawa can’t cook or clean, but he has some redeeming qualities. atsumu?? none ! 

im kidding y’all he’s the cutest i would die to have him as my roommate

he’s so 

energetic? 

your first night as roommates he just waltzes into your room and drags you out to the living room where the tv is already set up, two large pizzas and so many wedges have been ordered, and drinks <3 

spends the entire time getting to know you

he learns to live with you really easily tbh like he adapts so quick

he’s so used to sharing bc he’s a twin, so nothing ever properly bothers him 

he can’t cook, but he does watch you and tries to learn from you

he’ll do very basic things like you can leave breakfast safely to him

after minimum 2 months of practice 

he likes to be very involved and likes to involve you just as much 

he’s not nosy he’s just curious leave him be 🥺

there is always one day a month where it’s just the two of you going out 

to like a carnival 

amusement park

ice skating 

all that stuff. it’s necessary 

i need to clarify that 3 am drives to get mcdonalds take out is a very regular thing with atsumu 

driving up a hill and sitting on the hood of your car while you get some nuggets and stare at the city skyline beneath you

immaculate vibes 

a really fun roommate tbh no regrets with this one you will never feel like shit and even if you do

what are the 3 am drives for amiright 😻

end note; i hope that was good, and that the requester and everyone else enjoyed that!! like always, requests are open <333

thank you to everyone that’s voted about the smau thing! i’ll wait a little while longer before deciding who won, and hopefully, i’ll have the first few chapters up soon!! mwah <3

[us-ugay]

Omg the potluck… genius. A prime moment for bragging and Arthur would be SO mad he can’t really compete w Alfred’s crockpot rips recipe from allrecipes dot com.

Omg tho a key thing i forgot about the retreat idea: if you rent an air bnb you gotta cook, and I know for us they had everyone sign up and pair off to make different meals. Them getting stuck cooking together for COWORKERS on this awkward as hell trip. Alfred would probs very quickly realize that arthur has no idea what he’s doing and he has to 1) make and serve a bad meal w arthur (both have wounded pride) 2) making something good and taking full credit (mean, pisses off arthur in a non-beneficial or funny way) 3) awkwardly try to teach arthur how to make like. Spaghetti sauce lmfao.

Also I think alfred is probs the guy who chronically loses his ID to get into the building and different areas. I can see him awkwardly knocking on the door to get someone to let him in and Arthur just smugly holding up his own badge through the glass before letting him in and making the SNIDEST remarks he can. Or worse, alfred getting up to go get lunch and Arthur just “:)don’t forget your badge, alfred:)” after he’s half way across the room and alfred having to realize Arthur is RIGHT and having to slink back over to his desk to grab his badge.

Also, two words: secret santas.

the idea of office retreats requiring you to sleep in an airbnb with coworkers AND cook for them was so awful it slapped me fully out of my immersion and fantasy anon dont tell me youve had to do that before 😭 no amount of overtime would make that ok

if my company ever announced a retreat that will be the first time in my life i give my two weeks notice absolutely the fuck not

ok back 2 the AU i absolutely used to be the bitch that left my card home and id always have to ask my old boss to come down and get me in the elevator and nothing is more humbling and humiliating than that shit eating grin of a person coming to get your stupid ass because you have to wear womens business pants and they dont have real fucking pockets and so your card is always fucking falling out and so you tried to keep it in your purse but then itd get lost and it was always a pain in the ass to fish out to flash at the elevator scanner and its not fair cuz your boss just gets to have normal ass back pockets that are bigger than a fucking business card and he also gets to keep his key card in his stupid little wallet that he can keep in his stupid pocket and even thinking about it makes you wanna commit homicide 😤😤😤

also the secret santas? i know some offices will have folks fill out a little “get to know me” card so people arent just buying random ass shit for folks and the thought of those two filling them out and realizing slowly as they go through that damn they dont have favorite anythings or shit they like or whatever and it dawning upon them that their whole lives are dedicated to work 🙃 fun fun

i imagine arthur has to shop for alfred because arthur strikes me as a guy to just have the worst fucking luck and always gets stuck doing the one (1) thing he doesnt wanna do (which, same girl) and alfreds likes are all the most generic bullshit imaginable (which arthur doesnt put two and two together and realize alfreds in the same bot as him and just thinks alfreds the most annoying blandest person on the planet)

but arthur cant just give alfred some generic ass gift because this is an opportunity to Flex and Win against alfred so as much as it pains and kills him to spend even more time looking at and thinking about alfred (which lets be real, he may have convinced himself otherwise but he quite likes how alfred fills out his collared shirts and business slacks) and it idk what he decides to go with for the limited amount of money they get to spend but its a shockingly spot-on gift that alfred loves but of course alfred cant show /too/ much appreciation cuz he cant let arthur win but also he cant just be a grade A dick either cuz then the rest of the office will think hes an ingrateful bastard

but arthur sees that brief moment where alfred shows his genuine emotions of shock and happiness even if it was almost instantly covered up by alfred acting like his usual jackass self and while yeah, he should be celebrating the victory over alfred, his heart is beating so hard in giddiness at seeing alfred look so happy

and hey, maybe this is right before that fated christmas party 👀

[loxxxlay]

Can we get the rest of the ball destroying story?

This is a very long and probably anticlimactic story about how I destroyed an attorney's metaphorical balls by not letting him get away with being a toxic pile of shit. I hope you enjoy.

So, the first thing you need to know is that my old boss (whom I will call M) is a real fucking asshole. 1, he voted for trump; 2, he's a creep; 3, most obnoxiously, he treated his previous lead paralegal like a freaking wife.... or actually worse than a wife really... like an object. like a trophy wife. When the lead paralegal left, he basically treated her like she was divorcing him, as if she was an object of his possession. And he was like "you'll NEVER have it better than you have here, and i'll never let you come back." (Funny story: i am one of 5 paralegals there who put in their 2 week notice during June, and they were so panicked that they called this exact former lead paralegal and asked her to come back. -_-)

Okay so anyway, let's cut the story back to about 2 months ago. I have been M's lead paralegal for about 8 months now since the previous one left, and I'm hating it. I'm actively job hunting because M is becoming toxic to me the same way he was to the last paralegal. I needed references, so I asked another attorney who also worked there to be my reference. We will call him T. So T is my favorite attorney. T is the first person I came out to as having a girlfriend at the firm, and he never once betrayed me. He is everything that M is not. He gives positive feedback like he gives out candy, but he's also honest and real in a way that not a lot of ppl are.

So anyway I secretly ask him to be a reference on my resume, and T is like "sure! but well funnily enough, I'm actually leaving the firm in 2 weeks. I can't ethically recruit people while I'm here, so I'm going to end this conversation here, but.... wink wink, nudge nudge, call me in 2 weeks." So I'm like COOL COOL. And we don't speak of it again.

So 2 weeks pass, I continue job hunting, T leaves the firm. He calls me literally the next day, and he immediately is like "I wanna hire you" and I'm like "okay cool, I wanna be hired." So boom I got a new job. Ethically. (I'm serious though, T is a very ethical guy and he did nothing wrong.) So anyway, T is okay with me waiting until my NYU program in June is over, so my start date is July 1. 1 month from then. T also asks me very politely not to tell M where I'm going because it would sour their "friendship" (a.k.a. the attorney world in utah is a small world and he doesn't want M to get his feelings hurt). And I want to be clear, T did not pressure me at all - he asked for a favor, and I decided to do it for him, because I care about him, that's it. If at any point it became a burden for me, I would have changed my mind, and T would have understood.

So, I wait a week until I'm in New York to tell M i'm leaving him. I come up with a brilliant excuse for why I don't want to tell him where I'm going - "I have a few offers and I don't want to talk about it while I'm still deciding" (which wasn't even really a lie). So I call my boss and I tell him I'm putting in my two weeks. And he treats me like he always treats people - he interrogates me. Except this time, he's shocked and upset, so he SUPER interrogates me. It's super inappropriate questions like "why are you quitting???" and "is it because of money???" and "this is SUCH bad timing" - but it's frustrating because he's an attorney and he knows how to dress up these rude questions with politeness. In a way that if I call him out on it, I'll be the one who looks inappropriate. :( It sucked. But luckily I had spent 3 days researching how to approach this, and.... I gave him nothing. He was desperate for fuel to try to convince me to stay or guilt-trip me into working overtime, and I just didn't give him any because I was prepared, and also.... I'm good at this. My mom says I've been good at this since I was 3-years-old lol.

Anyway so unfortunately during the conversation, he asked the question "Where are you going?" and I immediately gave him my excuse. And I expected that to be done and over with. Idk why I thought it'd be that easy... He immediately started trying to guess where I was going. And at what point, he said "are you going to work for T????" and..... honestly guys... I panicked. I lied. I said, "uh, no." flat out lmao. Like, I was just so shocked that he was asking me in the first place. :( But weirdly, he believed me and that was that (or maybe he filed away the lie for later use as you'll see). I also want to make it clear here that I, at first, wasn't telling M where I was going because T had asked me to... but at this point, with how nosy and inappropriate M was asking, I didn't want to tell M anymore either. It wasn't for T that I was hiding it; it was for me. Like, no M, I don't want you to have any personal details. You're being 150% more of a creep than usual which is impressive considering.

Anyway so I never tell anyone where I'm going except 2 ppl whom I trust on my last day (and yes, one of them betrayed me, which kinda sucks D:). I told T that I had lied to M, and T was like "it's okay, if he finds out, I'll have ur back" and also... I told T I go by Echo instead of my legal name/dead name, so I'm fine with the lie because M will probably never find out anyway. and T was delighted and super supportive of my enby identity. ^_^ It's cute because he never called me by name, but now all of his texts and statements deliberately start out with my name as if to remind me that he supports it lol.

Anyway so flash forward to my new day at the job. It's going great. I love it there. And then I check my phone and I see this fucking text:

M: "I hear you work for T now. I wish you the best, but I specifically remember asking you if that's where you would be working, and you said no."

Like.... what the actual fuck? He never texts me, and also I've been gone from his firm for like a day.. max... have some chill, lmfao. like. At first, I was REALLY upset. Not in a "i feel bad for lying" kind of way. I couldn't care less about that. More in a "i feel like i'm being stalked, one of two close friends betrayed me, and also what the fuck, why are you texting me this??" #yikes. But then that night, I was talking to my dad about it. And I became super amused? Like. What is he going for here? What does he want me to say? What response does he hope that I'll give that will make him feel better? Does he want me to call him crying and begging for forgiveness and for my job back? Like? I genuinely sincerely want to know what the fuck he was expecting me to say. I want to understand what was going through his head lol.

And of course, because I am a passive aggressive bitch, I immediately catch on to the fact that he is Butthurt (shocking, I know). His feelings are hurt. An object of his, his very own lead paralegal, lied to him outright and he didn't see it coming! How dare she! He wants to make me feel hurt like he feels hurt, and he's a lawyer, he knows how to interrogate people and manipulate people and get them to suck his dick, idk. So he should be able to use those skills to make me feel bad for lying. He wants to one-up me. But see, what he didn't realize is that....

1, I don't feel guilty for lying to him... at all... like, it took me a couple hours to realize this, but the only negative emotion it made me feel was discomfort and fear. not guilt. the same way i feel when a strange man asks me for a hug, and i feel like refusing would look "rude." Like, there's nothing guilty about that. So yeah. His goal is to expose my guilt to make himself feel better, but... my guilt doesn't exist, so good luck

2, um, like I said earlier, I've been a passive aggressive bitch since the day I was born, unlike this bitch who had to go to college to learn how to do it, and not only that - I'm better at it than him. lmfao. His pride is gonna take a hit.

so I toy with the idea of ignoring him because I know that will really fuck him up and make him constantly think about it and check his texts to see if I've responded. But then T tells me that it's probably better to not burn a bridge because again.... super small world here.

So anyway lol, my response ends up being pretty simple but painstakingly constructed:

"Thank you! :) It wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and I had already talked. I wish you the best as well."

The "Thank you! :)" to seem like I am utterly oblivious to the hidden accusation and passive aggressiveness. The middle sentence to be like "uh, are you really accusing me of lying right now?" and the last sentence, my favorite, to shut down the conversation forever. Now, if he responds, he already lost. Because there's no way to continue this conversation without exposing the fact that his "I wish you the best" was completely insincere. I've stripped away his ability to respond fake-politely (which is his modus operandi), and I've forced the last word on him.

Also, even better... (and no one has any way of proving this, least of all him, but) that statement (the "it wasn't an option at the time - it was a new development after you and i had already talked") is completely a lie on my part, and he knows it. T offered me the job the Monday after he left. There's no way he doesn't know that. So not only did I show obliviousness and not only did I shut the conversation down, I outright stonecold lied a second time. And there's no way for him to call me out on it. Like what could he even do? Send me a screenshot of my hire date? Send me a screenshot of an email I sent to a coworker? If he tries that, he's already lost again because like ... obviously super immature... it would be so easy to crush him with niceness like "Wow, I can tell this has really bothered you!" hahahhaha. Sadly he's smart enough not to do that, but it must be infuriating to know I'm lying and not be able to accuse me.

As an attorney whose literal job it is to catch & expose people lying, he literally watched me flat out lie to his face. Twice. And I didn't feel bad about it. And there was nothing he could do about it either time. He went to law school for this shit, and he still can't out-passive-aggressive me, the classic bitch.

Anyway so T apparently he showed his wife M's message, and she was like "oh my god what an asshole!!!" which I must admit was extremely validating!! And then he showed his wife my message, and she made a shocked face and said "wow she's good." And I always thought T was kinda just flattering me to be nice when he complimented my use of words in defusing angry clients and conveying info about a sensitive subject... but apparently his wife thinks so too, so I guess he's been more serious than I thought. I feel so.... complimented.... it's weird.... but I"m very happy and squeeing.

It's been like almost 24 hours and M has yet to respond to me, and if he does, he's already lost. I'll eviscerate him.

So like I know this story is probably disappointing and might not seem like I shanked his balls, but ... take my word for it because if u knew what a chaotic insecure pathetic mess he was and how he desperately claws for control by trying to intimidate and upset all of his employees (and pretty much always succeeds), then you'd understand that he's NEVER encountered something like this before. Someone literally just not giving a shit what he thinks about them. And from what I know of him, I promise you that this has certainly fucked him up for a good long while. And that makes me happy :')

[yuthoe]

Day 31: Against the Rules (ONEUS: LEEDO)

HAPPY LAST DAY OF MTM!!! today's prompt from the ever beloved list is:

Day 31: Friends to Lovers

this one is baaad bad hahahaha idk what i was on when i decided on the premise for this, considering i'd also done the shinwon one literally two days ago. but by the time i realized, it was already 9:30pm and i was running out of time lol

re: the prompts i missed—i'm gonna leave Day 1 for last, cuz i want to end it with Friends to Lovers as well, but the rest of the fics will come out jumbled. that's 19 fics spaced throughout the month of june, which is pretty doable. i was able to write more fics this month than i estimated, so i'm really proud of myself for that. please look forward to the rest of my fills!

PAIRING: LEEDO x reader. GENRE: fic, fluff, mild angst (cuz secret relationship wooo), office!AU. WARNINGS: none. WORD COUNT: 952.

---

Three knocks on your desk makes you look up from the stapled pile of data you’re reviewing. Geonhak is smiling softly at you, thin-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, looking all handsome and refreshed like he hasn’t been cooped up in the conference room having meetings all day.

“Hey,” you whisper, setting down the file and your highlighter and crossing your arms on the desk.

“Hey,” he replies, half-sitting on the edge of your table. “You ready to go?”

You blink in surprise and glance at the clock at the corner of your computer screen. “The hell, it’s already 5?”

Geonhak’s deep chuckle sends shivers deep in your chest. “I know right? There was so much to do today, I’m so ready for the weekend.”

“I’m already packing my bag,” you say, shutting off the computer—but not before saving the open Word and Excel windows—and tidying up. The papers strewn across your desk are swiftly put into neat piles, and you make sure to organize them in a way you’d still remember when Monday comes around again.

“Take your time,” Geonhak says, shifting to make himself comfortable on your table. “There’s still a lot of people anyway; the elevators are gonna be full if we go now.”

“True,” you say, wagging a finger at him and double checking the papers on your desk, the keys in your bag, and the flash drive containing reports for review.

Geonhak catches you sliding it into a pocket in your bag and says, “Hey! Hey, no, you aren’t taking work home this weekend.” He holds out his hand and curls his fingers, waiting for you to give him the USB.

You sigh, endeared more than anything. “But I have a whole backlog of minutes to revise that you made.”

Your coworker scoffs. “The departments won’t mind if I hand in the minutes late—they never read them anyway.” He curls his fingers again. “Now give it. You’re gonna spend the weekend relaxing with me.”

A blush creeps up your cheeks at his admission, and you look around the near empty office in case someone heard. “Don’t say it so loud,” you say, slapping him lightly on the arm. “I don’t want either of us to lose our jobs, you know.”

“Sorry,” he whispers, voice so deep it comes out barely audible. “I just don’t want you overworking. Remember that one time you took way too many overtime days and ended up sick with a fever for three days?” He gives the room a glance and, finding it empty of people save for yourselves, rests a warm hand on top of yours. “Take the weekend off, babe?”

The heat in your face persists—you’re still not used to the pet name Geonhak quickly gave you once you got together. It’s only been a few months, after all. And though your working relationship quickly developed into friendship—realizing you went to the same college and sharing an enjoyment for mobile games can do that to people—and naturally into a romantic relationship, you’re still trying to be careful.

The company doesn’t allow that kind of thing, and if HR finds out there’s a danger of one or both of you getting fired. That’s why you limit your contact with each other during work hours and stay back at the office a bit after hours so he can drive you home or you can have dinner together.

You sigh. “Fine, fine,” you concede, dropping the eraser-shaped USB in his palm. Geonhak in turn drops it into your pen holder, an old blue mug from a friend that you accidentally broke the handle off of. An amused smile creeps onto your face. “You know I can just easily take it from that pen holder again, right?”

He returns your smile. “I know,” he says, raising a hand and brushing his fingertips across your cheekbone. “But I trust you not to.” Geonhak hesitates a moment before dropping a kiss to your crown. You savor the feeling of his plush lips in your hair, big palm cradling your jaw, subtle cologne overtaking your senses.

He pulls away, and you already miss him. “You ready to go?” he asks again.

You nod this time, taking your bag and brushing down your slacks, before rounding the table and resting a hand on your boyfriend’s shoulder. You give him a swift peck on the cheek and watch his eyes widen in surprise.

“Let’s go,” you say, pulling him up. “Let’s grab some drive-thru before heading over to your place, yeah?”

Geonhak nods, “Yeah, sounds good… Taco Bell?—Oh yeah, the live stream for Genshin is tonight, dude we gotta go.” He snatches your hand and speeds off towards the door.

“What?” you say, fumbling to catch up. You quickly turn off the lights and lock the door before speed-walking to the elevators. “Dude, you should have said so earlier.”

“Hey,” he protests, jabbing the down button of the elevator. “I had to put you off from working this weekend, and I succeeded, didn’t I? I need some time to work my magic, babe.”

You scoff, a big grin on your face as the elevator dings open. “Okay, fine, you did what you had to, now come ooon!” You push him into the elevator, Geonhak’s laughter echoing in the enclosed space. “I don’t wanna miss it!”

He’s still laughing when he presses the button for the lobby, and your butterflies erupt in your stomach. You can never get over how starkly different and adorable his laugh is from his normal speaking voice.

You watch the overhead monitor blink the floor numbers, and intertwine your fingers, content with this little big secret, content to be keeping it with a dear friend.

[foronceleavemealone]

Long time no see

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 

A/N: First time writing. Really wanted to write, but I think this is very bad. I don’t know how repetetive this is, but to me it seems very repetitive. Please be kind, but also I’m open for roasting. This isn’t a reader insert, this is more of an OC, but not really either. I feel like it’s somewhere in the middle. The watch that I wrote about is inspired by this watch. Also I don’t know much about 90s fashion, especially work fashion/clothing, I just think those type of necklaces that I made her wear look very neat. 

Summary: She’s very done with work. On her way out she sees an old friend and they begin to catch up.

Pairing:  Javier Peña x OC (I guess? But it can also be an insert. Seems somewhere in the middle for me. idk..)

Genre: angst(ish), fluff(ish)

------------------------------------

She layed in her bed on her left side staring into the distance of the room. Her heartbeat felt a lot more annoying than usual and even in a way painful. She looked at the clock. 4.37am. Not too bad?

‘If I fall asleep right now I'll be able to sleep for 3 hours and 23 minutes, which isnt that bad. I've had worse’. But she couldnt fall asleep. Various thoughts were plagueing her mind. After a couple more hours she couldnt take it anymore.

“For fucks sake” she mumbeled to herself and looked at the clock. 6.42. “good enough”  she got up and went to the bathroom. Getting ready took up quite some time. She did want to look professional one last time. White button up, with a couple upper buttons undone, black blazer, black pants, black heels, a lariat necklace and a watch completed her look. She never liked pencil skirts. Not that it was a statement of some sort, more so that it made her feel uncomfortable. The hip hugging sensation, the way it looked, it just wasnt her cup of tea. Also she couldnt get much field work done in them.

She looked at herself in the mirror.

‘Looks like I'm going to a funeral’ a thought ran through her mind. In a way this was a funeral. The funeral of her career.

She thought about having breakfast but was too afraid to ruin her clothes.

‘Why didn't I think about this’ is all she thought mentally cursing at herself for not planning the little things.

She grabbed an apple, took a few bites and realised that that was not going to work, the nerves were kicking in and food didn't seem like their right companion. She grabbed her keys, her bag and went to take the last trip to the HQ.

------------------------------------

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” her boss asked.

“Absolutely. I don't have any doubts” she said with a smile forming on her lips, but she knew she wasn’t sure. 

“Well, it's difdicult to let such people like you go. It's tough losing good agents. But I wish you luck”

“Thank you. It was an honor working here and with you, sir” she said as she stood up.

“Likewise” her boss put out his hand and she reached out a shook it.

They nodded to each other and she walked out of his office.

It's not that she was a bad agent. Like her boss said, she was good, great, fine. But not great enough. She always felt underappreciated, but that wasn’t the reason why she decided to resign, or so she thought. It was everything else. Both physical and mental trauma. Getting shot left it's toll. She was never severely injured and thank goodness for that, but a couple of bullets pierced her arm once, one went to her lower abdomen and not to mention the times the tac vest saved her life, only leaving a pain in her chest rather than a gaping wound. All of these incidences made her think that maybe she was not only a lousy shot, but also a bit shortsighted, not quick enough, yet she never spoke about these worries and kept everything to herself. The physical scars were fine, they healed and stopped hurting, but the mental ones... She never forgot those moments when she got shot, or when she shot someone else. Losing coworkers left a mark. Losing partners, now that  left a huge mark... After working for what felt like centuries, she started thinking whether this is really making any difference. Is it actually doing any good? So many people dead, so much blood shed, so many lives ruined. Being morally gray? Yeah, seems about right.. 

Working overtime surely didn’t help the situation. She wasn’t a workaholic, at least that’s what she had told herself. Working overtime, obsessing over details and usually getting little to no progress at all led her right into burn out teritory. And one day, she had enough. She talked to her boss about quitting after she finishes off one last case. He tried to talk her out of it, somehow drag out the case, giving her more paperwork or by making her chase loose ends, hoping she would change her mind. She did her job, being the great agent she is (or was), and finished everything yesterday. As she handed the case report to her boss, a letter of resignation was attatched to it. Today she only came in to gather the rest of her stuff from her office and tie up any loose ends, and say goodbye to her coworkers. 

She didn’t have that many things in her office. She kept it simple, nothing too personal. She didn’t even need a box, she had cleared most of the framed honors yesterday. She looked through the rest of the office to see if she forgot anything. She checked the drawers of her desk and in one of them there was something she’d left yesterday, not knowing whether to leave it there, throw it out or take it with her. It was a watch. She hesitated.

“Oh what the hell” she said as she took it and put it in her pocket. 

Finally she was done. She didn’t even stop to look at the now empty office. She was quite done, she had been for a while. She started walking down the corridor. As she reached the first floor she glanced at her watch.

“11am, not too bad” she mumbled to herself. 

She looked up and a few meters right in front of her she saw a man. They locked eyes and something felt so familiar, so nice, so heartwarming. A smile formed on the man’s face.

“My my my, what a sight for sore eyes” she said with a huge smile which almost made her chuckle.

“Sad to hear your eyes are sore” he said and chuckled a little bit himself while going in for a hug. He smelled like he always had (she could never tell the exact composition, but it reminded her of cardamom and cedar) and she found it comforting in a way, especially on this day. 

“How have you been?” she asked pulling away from the hug.

“I’ve..” he hesitated for a bit while looking at her. “I just resigned. Had enough of this bullshit”

“Oh wow. How come? I heard you did a great jo-”

“I did what I had to do. Or at least what seemed right to do” he said as he looked at the floor. “Anyway, what about you, how have you been?” he asked trying to change the subject.

“Oh I... I actually quit today too” she said, with a little quiver in her voice.

The man looked at her and raised an eyebrow. This not only surprised him, but made him a little bit upset. He was never big on picking up emotions and feelings, but this just felt somehow a bit off.

“You? Quitting? That doesn’t seem like you”

“Well, I had enough of this bullshit too”. She forced a smile.

“So, are you done for today then?” 

“Yeah, pretty much so. I was just about to head out. Go...home.” she said with a sudden wave of sadness washing over.

“Wanna get a drink?” He thought that whatever she was going through could be washed away with a drink, at least for a moment.

“It’s like 11 am”

“Right... and I forgot you don’t drink”

“Yeah, I don’t drink. So how about some coffee?”

“Yeah, sure”

“Javier Peña, man of many words, like always” she smiled with some memories flooding her mind.

“Shut it” he said smiling, feeling surprisingly blissful at the sight of her smiling.

------------------------------------

“So why did you quit?” Javier asked bluntly.

“Straight to the point, huh” 

He tilted his head a bit and smiled.

“It just doesn’t seem like you. You always seemed to love the job, the rush it gave you”

“It did once. But it was getting too much. And I couldn’t take it after I lost my partner” she said with a shaky voice. She visibly got upset, but cleared her throat “sorry” she smiled.

“No, it’s ok. We don’t have to talk if you do-”

“No it’s fine. I should talk about it. It’s been months. And the longer I keep it to myself the worse it’ll be”

Just as she was about to begin talking the waiter came and brought their drinks.

“Thank you” she said to the waiter and flashed a smile. Javier always loved how she was kind like that.

“Black coffee? I thought you hated straight up black coffee” 

“Well, I thought I’d spice up my life with something I don’t usually get” she said and took a sip, regret forming on her face.

“How’s that spice?” Javier said trying not to laugh.

“It’ll... It’ll grow on me”. They both giggle. 

“I’ve heard that many times before. It’s been years and still no progress” he said still trying to control the slight chuckle.

“It’s really been years, hasn’t it?” she said and looked at him. They both stared into each other’s eyes for a bit, some form of nostalgia washing over both of them, until she reached out into her pocket and pulled something out. “Speaking of years, or well, time I guess. Here’s what I found”. She showed Javier that silver watch she took from her drawer before she left the office.

“No way.. is that? Is that my watch?” he said and reach out for it. She handed him the watch, their hands touching for a bit and she remembered that day.

------------------------------------

It was a hot summer day and the car surely wasn’t parked in a shade before they got in it.

“Oh fuck” Javier said as he sat behind the wheel. 

“You could actually cook something in here” she said and fanned herself with her hand. 

They sat in silence for a bit. Javier rubbed his face with his hands while she sat on the passenger side with the door wide open, rubbing her right temple. 

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Javier asked as he looked over to her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. He knocked the wind out of me, but everything seems fine”

“He would have thrown you out the window”

“He would have done a lot more, if it weren’t for your quick thinking. Thanks by the way”

“That’s the least I could do for a partner” Javier said as he looked her up and down.

They sat in the silence for a little bit.

“He tore off my watch, broke it” she said as she rubbed her left wrist, which most likely hurt since her facial expression shifted once she touched it. “It was my dad’s gift” she said with sadness in her voice.”I have a date tonight, and I don’t even know what time it is” she smiled a bit, thinking to herself that it was a bit absurd to think about such a thing after all that just happened. 

Javier looked at his watch.

“Well it’s currently 6:47pm. And as I remember you have that date at 8pm.” Javier looked at his watch for a bit too long and unclasped it. “Here, take it” he said holding out his watch.

“What? Javi, I don’t need a watch that desperately, I’ll manage” 

“Just take it for tonight, I know you don’t wanna be late, you like that guy. And we always get too focused on paper work to pay attention to the lobby clock” 

She looked at his hand with his watch in it and thought for a moment before reaching out and touching Javier’s hand.

-------

“Some last day of trainee work that was” Javier said placing the watch on the table and bringing her back to present day. It seemed like he was reliving that same moment. “And you’ve kept the watch for so long” 

“I forgot to return it the next day. And then we were transfered to different locations. I couldn’t just throw it out. I always wanted to return it.” 

“It stayed with you for that long you should keep it” Javier said and took a sip of his coffee. 

“Well it did get me through that date”

“Some date that was. You married the guy” he said with some heartache and bitterness, regretting his words seconds after as he cursed at himself, he should’ve thought more before speaking, he didn’t want to upset her. 

“Some marriage that was. We ultimately got divorced” she took a sip of her coffee to wash away those rancid words with the bitter liquid, but decided that she hated it.

“Sorry for bringing it up” Javier said and looked at his own coffee cup. He felt like he was hitting all of the wrong spots today. Like poking a wounded animal with a stick. He didn’t want to do that. He’s been fond of her from their academy days and the feeling always increased with their every meeting, especially when they moved up from being just trainees to special agents.They didn’t get to see each other as much, but they would run into each other from time to time, catch up. The last time they had a catching up session like this was after the Escobar case, right before Javi went to spend some time back at his hometown. 

“No, it’s fine.. It’s fine. So what are you going to do now that you’re free?” she emphasised the word free.

“I’m going back to Laredo. Gonna spend some time with my dad, help him out. He’s not getting any younger. What about you?”

“Oh, I don’t....know” she said as she twisted the cup of coffee in her hands.

Javier didn’t like this mood she was in. Quitting her job, not having a plan on what to do next. She was always one step ahead, organised. He knew that something was wrong and it broke his heart. She was probably hurting, as he guessed. 

“Why don’t you come to Laredo with me for a while?” this time he said it after some thought, but still it felt like a wild card to him.

She looked up at him, with surprise on her face. 

“Javi I-”

“I’m sure some fresh air and good company would do you go. We have plenty of room at home, you’d be welcome. And you don’t have any plans so” he clears his throat “I think..I’d be a good..idea”

“But, Javi, I wouldn’t want t-”

“You won’t be bothering anyone”

“What about your dad? I wouldn’t want to impose”

“Trust me, he likes company. So what do you say?”

“I mean it’s a big deal”

“It’s really not. Just for a couple of weeks”

“Ok, fine” she said as she took the watch that was still laying on the table and put it in her pocket.

“Great” Javier said as he took a sip of his coffee. He finally felt some relief in his heart. 

------------------------------------

When she got back home it was already 5pm. Where did the time go? They spent their time talking about their academy days, and their trainee days, also talking a bit about the trip. 

“What did I get myself into” she said as she poured herself a glass of water. 

She brushed a hand over the side of her blazer and was reminded of the watch that was still in her pocket. She took it out and looked at it, caressing it with her thumb as a smile grew on her face. And to think she wanted to throw it away. Gosh, what a foolish move would that have been. She never realises just how much she had missed him until they meet again and this time was to exception.

“Yeah... Some date that was” she said as she sat at the kitchen table still looking at the watch, contemplating the events of today. She stopped her thoughts and realised what she actually had agreed to do - travel to Laredo with Javi- and laughed to herself. 

“Well... maybe it’ll be fun” she said to herself, as she took a nother sip of water, with somewhat forced positivity, but excitement too.

[purplesurveys]

1131

survey by lilprincess

Approx. Time you began this survey: 6:46 on a Wednesday evening.

Describe your mood right now: Erm, a bit exhausted because I just ended a work shift; but content for the same reason. Right now I’m simply looking forward to dinner and crashing on the couch or my bed, wherever I feel like sleeping tonight.

Spell your first name without vowels: Rbn. Let’s just also remove y for this one.

Age you will be on your next birthday: 23.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Do you believe what your horoscope says about your sign? I do not believe in astrology whatsoever.

What state/region do you live in? Somewhere in the Philippines somewhere close to Metro Manila.

Height: Like 5′1″ ish. I had a massive growth spurt in 4th grade that also ended in 4th grade, which will always be a funny story to tell people lmao. I went from being placed at the back of the class line to the front really quickly.

Do you smoke? Super occasionally. My last cigarette was like...all the way back in February last year. It was easier to hide the smell around my family before, but because my parents and siblings have mostly been staying at home in the last year it would be so easy to weed out the smell. I never feel like smoking anyway since I vape, so there’s been no reason to seek it out.

Do you drink? Yeah, sometimes socially and sometimes on my own if I wanna unwind and feel a lil buzz come through.

What's your ethnic background? Southeast Asian, specifically Filipino.

What's your religious background? Technically my ~background~ would be Catholic since I was born and baptized in that faith, but I’ve long let go of this. Excluding one very brief period in high school, religion was something I never held much belief and faith in, even if I've been taken to literally every Sunday mass for the last 23 years and even if I was enrolled in Catholic school from preschool to high school.

What's your natural hair color? Black.

What;s your natural eye color? Dark brown, almost black.

Do you have any bad habits you want to break? I do overtime work a lot but used to seldom file it on our company shift log sheet because I get shy that they must think I’m doing it just to be paid more, lol. I’m starting to file them every time I do OT though because fuck it, pay me.

Name a few of your positive habits. I like that I always find a way to meet deadlines. I like that I’m selfless, even though some would see it as a flaw. I’d rather do too much than say I never did anything at all.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country? No, the most I’ve done was travel to one for a week.

Did you vote in the Nov. 6 2012 presidential election? No because I am not American -___- The last election that took place before I was eligible was in 2010, and had I been able to vote then, I would’ve given mine to Gibo Teodoro, who I believe was the most qualified at the time.

Are you even eligible to vote? Yeah, I’ve been for the last 5 years. I’ve voted twice - once for the presidential elections back in 2016, and the next was for the senatorial elections in 2019.

Are you right handed or left handed? Right-handed.

When you write, is your penmanship usually neat or do you tend to scribble? It starts off neat for the most part, but it gradually gets messy and becomes more like a scribble if we’re talking about writing several essays in one sitting, which was usually the case in my exams in college.

Have you ever experienced an accident? (of any type): Sure, I’ve been in car accidents before. I’ve also been shocked once.

Do you have/want children? They would be nice to have, yeah. 

Are you environmentally conscious? For the most part, yeah. But there are some things that can’t be helped, like me driving. Unless the government does something about the shitty public transport system that we have and have had for decades, I refuse to take it.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? Like I said, my own car. If I’m traveling, by plane.

Do you prefer 80's - 90's music compared to today's music? Eh, not at all. I prefer music produced these days.

Are you more of an introvert (quiet/shy), or extrovert (social butterfly)? I’ve been more of an extrovert in the last few years but I will always be shy at first upon meeting new people, like that will never change. I warm up a lot quickly now, though.

What's your favorite emoticon? :)

Do you miss the good old days of hand-written letters? I caught the super super super last part of this era, so I didn’t even get to experience it. I know snail mail was still kind of a thing when I was a kid, but at the same time that was happening my mom was also already using email to keep in touch with my dad, so.

Nowadays, though, when I do write letters to loved ones, I will still prefer to make handwritten ones, especially for a significant other or best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever sent out a computerized long letter.

Do you enjoy receiving or giving more? Giving, but it’s nice to be treated too sometimes.

Are you good at keeping secrets? Sure.

Do you take or give advice more often? I don’t usually get into situations wherein I’d have to do either, but I think I’ve been asking for advice more, especially over the last few months.

Do you have your driver's license? “I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always talked about...” Haha this question made me sing a bit. Anyway, yeah, I got it shortly after I turned 18 since I needed to quickly learn before college started.

Would you rather be poor & happy or rich but miserable? Rich but miserable. Soz but I’d solve 4854983594857 of my problems if I never had to worry about money.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Never.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Probably not blocked, but I’ve unfollowed some current Facebook friends and unfriended others entirely.

Do you think recreational marijuana should be nationally legalized? Idk much about the topic since it’s taboo enough where I live, but sure, I guess?I haven’t heard one bad word about the effects of marijuana.

Describe your perfect first date. I’ve never really had a first date, but I imagine an ideal one would be pretty lowkey, just a stroll around a nice city and maybe have fancyish dinner somewhere.

Have you ever been high? Nope.

Have you ever watched a NC-17 rated film? Sure. A good handful of Kubrick films pass for NC-17, right? I’d be surprised if they weren’t, lol. I’ve been scarred by some of them for sure.

If you ever become reincarnated as an animal, what would you want it to be? A dog.

Do you remember where you were/what you were doing on September 11, 2001? No; I was 2 years old. I did ask my parents where they were in those moments, and my mom understandably missed most of it since the entire thing unfolded in the late evening in the Philippines. The only thing she can recall was being insanely worried for my dad, who had just started to work in the US back then.

Do you ever wish you were of a different nationality/religion? Yeah, to a certain extent, just because the political and socioeconomic situation here is very messy and it doesn’t really give us the nicest reputation in front of the world. I’m proud of my Filipino culture and heritage though.

Are you more of a junk food addict or health nut? Health nut is the last thing anyone should be calling me. But I’m not so much a junk food addict either? I do like spoiling myself with food, but I still monitor my intake.

Do you believe Antarctica should be considered the 7th world continent? Isn’t it already though?? We’ve always been taught there were 7 continents and Antarctica is one of them lol.

Describe your own sense of humor in 1 word: Gen-Z, if that counts as one word.

Have you ever quoted the Bible (or any other Holy Book)? If I ever did it was probably meant to be sarcasm.

Have you ever completed a Sudoku puzzle? No. Never figured out how to play it either.

Would you rather be a nuclear physicist or marine biologist? Marine biologist. That’s one step closer to one of my loves, biology. Plus I was never any good with physics, so.

Do you have a deep, dark secret you're hiding from every one? I guess.

Would you rather be able to soar like an eagle or swim like a dolphin? I’d make my childhood self happy and go with flight.

If you wanted to learn a foreign language, what would it be? Korean so I can finally stop reading subs, hahah.

Are you bi-curious? No.

Did you watch the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon more as a kid? The Nickelodeon cartoons were far more interesting to me. I think I only got into Disney when I got a little bit older, once I was able to appreciate the more mature content in shows like The Suite Life, That’s So Raven, etc. But for the most part our TV was always tuned into Nick Jr., Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron and the other Nick shows.

Name 5 films that were made the year you were born: American History X (great watch), The Truman Show, Mulan, La Vita e Bella if I’m not mistaken (one of my faves, no matter how gut-wrenching it is), and Shakespeare in Love.

Did you have a lot of friends in high school? Yes, eventually I did.

Do you rely more on the newspaper, Internet or TV as your news source? Social media these days since I find that online writers are far more discerning in their reporting than TV anchors, who stay neutral at best.

True or false: Bigger is better. Very vaguely put, but not always, I guess.

Do you think religion is the primary cause of war? No? There’ve been plenty other reasons for war.

What's your favorite pizza topping? ...Cheese.

Think of your wardrobe. What color do you wear the most? It’s still black, I think.

Have you ever been to a planetarium? Just once, on a middle school field trip. I’d love to come back, though.

Do you feel like you connect more with animals or other people? I don’t get to be with animals a lot other than my dogs, so I’ll go with people.

Do you feel like sometimes you have to lie in order to protect yourself? Wow so dramatically put haha but yeah, I suppose it does feel that way sometimes.

How often do you exercise? Literally never. I’ve stopped working out this year since I didn’t see the point, and I’ve stopped feeling like I had to ‘get back’ at my ex just by getting a more toned figure. I’m totally at peace with how my body looks, plus I never want to give up on my favorite foods and snacks lol so there’s that.

Can you swear in a different language? Putangina mong bobo kang gago ka. That’s three for ya.

Do you think teachers/doctors deserve to get paid more than pro athletes? Everyone deserves to be paid fairly to the point that no comparison should be necessary, period.

From a scale of 1- 5, you would rate this survey: Erm, a 4.5. I had to delete some questions I didn’t feel comfortable answering or that I found a little meh, but the rest I fairly enjoyed.

Do you think most of these questions were more original or more ordinary? It’s a bit in between.

Approx. time you completed this survey: Hahahahah 10:38 PM. I took a million breaks.

[animefinatic]

Fire Force: 1st thoughts/impression

Okay so I’ve been hearing some murmurs about this anime for a while but because I weird I move slow when it comes to new anime for some reason, mainly because I want something to binge. But since getting Hulu recently I’ve been watching a lot of nostalgic shows (Digimon s1-3 and Yuyu Hakusho along with some old school nickelodeon and cartooonnetwork shows) but I’ve decided to finally get around to watching something new for a change. I’m not done with season 1 (episode 12)yet so I’m just going to give some 1st impressions on a few characters. Just some general thoughts, I’m sure overall feelings will change as i finish what’s currently out so don’t get bent outta shape if I don’t like someone or mention someone. Also be respectful if you’re a manga reader.

World building: The whole people turning into infernals at the drop of a dime and killing other people and the rest of humanity seems to have all been clustered in some small ass piece of japan lowkey put me in the mind of AOT (humanity being behind walls, the monster being humans all along type shit) I went into this thinking the protagonist is some sort of form of internal with that logic.

Shinra: Sharp teeth. I’m not into the whole teeth thing (Rin from Free, Soul from Soul Eater, Kirishima are swell in their own way but i was never a fan of their teeth) I like his little ‘smile in tense situation quirk because bless his heart i know when he’s nervous or tense about something. He’s a good kid all the same and he lowkey gave me Izuku vibes because they want to be a hero but he also gives me Rin (Blue Exorcist) vibes because he gets a bad rep and being called Devil even though he’s really sweet and has a good character. Seeing him in action I can’t help but think how would he do in the my hero universe (he’d kick so much ass) Has a typical shonen protag tragic backstory about his mother and brother and so has a reason to be in the fire force, I like the drive to be a hero from that kid dream he had, I look forward to him finding the answers he seeks while also not looking forward to seeing him fight his kid brother (I fucking swear if he has to kill his own brother I will fucking scream)

Akitaru: Oh my god fucking hot, fucking cute that's my husbando right there. When he called Shinra’s smiling quirk cute I fucking melted. The Dad (and daddy) of this squad I see him looking out for the other and providing a solid foundation of justice. a swell guy that has the whole groups trust and respect and I just hope nothing happens to this man. When Joker gave Shinra a reason to doubt the fire force i was a little nervous but so far so good team 8 seems to have been formed for a specific reason bc the other teams are lowkey shady.

Hinawa: stereotypical glasses character, annoyingly strict, and give the mc a hard time. In comparison to captain he annoyed me, by putting down my boy Shinra without giving him a real chance, (it wasn’t Nighteye lvl of annoying  but still) but overtime I’ve warned up to him, I tend to like the glasses characters too (Kyoya...I blame Kyoya) so by this point I see he’s a caring individual in his own way, what sold me is when he pulls Shinra aside to check on him and ask if he was ok...also mans can cook so bonus.

Maki: Mikasa vibes, just a woman with some muscle but she seems very insecure about it. I like she’s such a romantic maiden at heart though. I like her Sputter flames, so cute it made me think of calsifer from Howl’s moving castle.

Iris: I took one look at her and went: a sister. oh fuck religion is going to be a big influence in this show. Ignoring my own personal bias feelings of religion it seems she serves the purpose of praying for the souls of those who turned nothing too special about her, she’s sweet even though she has her tragic backstory with everyone but her and Hibana watched the whole damn church burn. 

Arthur: Annoying. I thought he was gonna be some sort of edgy rival for Shinra since they seem to fight on sight. However he’s kinda this cute idiot. But his knight at the round table schtick is kinda aggy he reminds me of that one classmate in my class that took Shakespeare too seriously. Maybe he’ll warm up on me later he has got to be more than the idiot blond (maybe at some point they’ll drop a back story on him)

Tamaki: Adorable, her powers make her look like a twin tailed cat (I not sure but I think there is like fire yokai so it works for the fire theme of this show) and I love cats so she's adorable. However this trend of her being clumsy af all of a sudden and becoming undressed and/or being groped or touched by Shinra accidentally only for her to hit the hell out of him is a trope i kinda want to die already like it’s not even funny. I’m an elder weeb so i’m not new to this but idk if it just my old age but I’m kinda over it. So even though I found her so cute earlier she’s almost annoying me even though its not her fault its the creator. 

Hibana: Bad bitch, she had dudes as her chair and had dudes lined at her feet like a red (in this case orange) carpet. Love seeing a black woman thrive (she’s brown skinned or whatever so I’m claiming her as black until further notice).Stunning, only I hate the oddly shaped eyes (it works given her power is flowers and her eyes are in a shape of a flower) but it was jarring to see it. It reminded me of Nia teppelin (Gugrren laggan) did she make me wanna stomp her for messing with my boy Shinra? yes. But I kept wondering why was I so awed by her I looked up her VA and it made sense, fucking Riza Hawkeye and Erza Scarlett (I am watching it dubbed, blame Hulu for not letting me have an option for sub but its whatever I’m committing to the dub for now) and well I respected her more. Also love how she wasn’t actually into that religion stuff even though she was taken in by the sisters. Now her moment with Iris after she got her shit rocked, sweet, adorable, so cute. Also her sudden affections for Shinra going forward is cute not sure if I ship anyone at this point but adorable is adorable I can not deny that.

Rekka: My stars that annoying. I also cringed because it reminded me of (yagamiyato’siida if you know then you know) And again with the weird ass eyes its not missed on mean that Hoshi is means star and its a part of his surname. But he went from 0-100 real quick once I realized he’s who Shinra is looking for and once again  me being wary over religion is validated through the white coats or Evangelist running around turning people into infernals on purpose (once again we back on some AOT shit) this man is bat shit crazy but he somewhat succeeded I wonder what it means for that kid who happened to be compatible with that bug thing (and of course Shinra is special bc the bug reacted to his fire) anyway what I learned from this character than religion got this universe all the way fucked up and the direct result of this is that religion has a firm hold in government and I know this is not finna be good.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #346

“i was in a car crash (or was it the war?)  /  but i’ve never been quite the same”

Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? Not to my recollection. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? I don't wear makeup frequently whatsoever, but if I do put some on, it's always black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? Well, one is a snake and one is a cat, so no, they don't. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Do you remember the last question you were asked? What did you answer? Well, besides in this survey, Mom asked me if I wanted some shrimp she didn't finish. A true stunner, but I didn't want anymore. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing other than what was mentioned. Are you lonely? To be totally transparent, I'm extremely lonely on multiple levels. What’s your favorite magazine to read? Don't have one. Do you like pineapple? Yeah. But keep it off my pizza. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yeah, they're common in the summer here. Have you ever trespassed? Not to my knowledge. My sister, neighbor, and I regularly visited this shack as kids, just exploring and checking stuff out, and someone eventually did approach us and tell us to leave, but idk if anyone ACTUALLY owned the property? We never saw any signs. Do you tell your parents where you are going? Yeah; if I live with them, they have the right to know. Do you agree with the notion that all people were created equal? Yeah. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did. Do you like visiting the mall? Why or why not? Not really, no. Too many people, too many stores I don't care about, too much walking. Have you ever purposely hurt an animal? I've given pets a pop when they've done something wrong, but seriously hurt, fuck no. Would you ever see a therapist? I've seen a therapist consistently since the 6th grade. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. I used to not be, but it's a fear I've developed over time for no apparent reason. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Are you a jealous person? I was literally just thinking about this yesterday how much I hate how I've developed a jealous and envious side. It's not a feeling I used to experience like at all, so it's very uncomfortable to feel. When is your birthday? February 5th. What are you listening to right now? A John Wolfe playthrough of The Sinking City. It's really interesting and is making me wanna read Lovecraft books, haha. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to be doing? Probably at some point. Are you still friends with someone from kindergarten? No. What is the most important thing to you? My mental health. Do you like whip cream? NO. The taste is fine, but I can't handle the texture of it. Are you close to your mother? Very. Are you close to your father? Yeah, but not as close as I am with my mother. Do you walk around bare foot when you're at home? Or do you wear socks? Yeah, I stay barefoot. Do you like chocolate popsicles? Yessss, I love them. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? Ew, no. Would you rather see the Great Wall of China or Big Ben? Probably the Great Wall. Have you ever written a poem? I've written loads. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK no. Never, ever, EVER. what is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate barbecue sauce. Your parents tell you that this summer, you get to pick the vacation. Where do you plan to go? As a family? Maybe Alaska. What do you think is a good theme for a prom? Um, maybe princesses and princes? It sounds cute, leave me alone. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Do you get nervous when you go to the doctor? About what? Not very, but somewhat. I'm always terrified to get on the scale and am also afraid I'll find out I have diabetes with how heavily it runs in my family, and I'm not exactly healthy. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. As cool as it would be, I would neeeever manage. The humidity would murder me. Have you ever created a website? Yeah, a few. Ever thought about writing a book? Yeah. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? I don't think so, but I have nightmares ALL the time where I'm fighting to defend myself. Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? Daydreams? Oh, yes. Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose? STUFFY. Having a runny nose surely isn't fun either, but at least you can have tissues handy. Which is worse: Sick to your stomach or sore throat? 100% sick to your stomach. I do nooot respond well to stomach pain. Do you think your last relationship was a disaster? Not at all. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? No. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? Sara or Mom. Would you consider yourself to be emo? I don't care for stereotypes, I'm whatever. Do you have a favourite metal band or do you not like metal? I love metal, and my favorite artist is of course Ozzy Osbourne. What is your current desktop picture? My favorite picture of my late dog Teddy. Thick or thin blanket? I like thick ones. Cozier. Who are your favorite bands? Everyone knows my #1 is Ozzy, so I'll list some of my others that just fall behind him (in no order): Metallica, Otep, Marilyn Manson, Korn, In This Moment, Powerwolf, Motionless In White, Rammstein, A Day to Remember, Cradle of Filth, Mother Mother... There's a lot, really. How do you mark through your word search puzzles? It depends on what I have at my disposal, really. I think typically I would just circle the words with a pencil, but I'd prefer to use a highlighter. Have you ever sewn something? No. What did you eat for dinner last night? Mom made shrimp scampi with a side of white rice. It was delicious. Ever been grounded? If so, for what? Yeah, on multiple occasions. I think the longest was when I ran away from home. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No; I've only seen the first one with Tyler. I did, however, have the video game as a kid, and I LOVED it. I could never beat the final stage, though. :( When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer) Months ago with my niece. She was hooked on playing Uno with me because I always let her win. Have you ever drank cherry Coke? Omg yes, I LOVE it. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Have you ever eaten a bug? No. Do you like pranking people? No. Did you ever take a cooking class in school? No. Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day? No. Do you use Skype? Only to talk to Sara. Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches? Definitely not. Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? Two are. Describe the most romantic moment you’ve ever had. I'd rather not because it'll really set off my PTSD. Have you ever cheated on a test? Nope. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? I read A LOOOOOT as a kid. I was a total bookworm. When was the last time you were scared? Excluding in nightmares that I don't remember, uhhh probably back when my PHP therapist surprised me by whipping out a poem I'd written and sharing it in front of the whole group. It wasn't the "bad" kind of scared, but I sure did feel fear. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" has always been #1. There's this '80s synthwave remix of the song that I adorrrreeee. Can you speak binary? Nope. Would you rather live somewhere that had hurricanes or tornadoes? I've dealt with hurricanes all my life and they don't terrify me NEARLY as much as the mere idea of a tornado, so. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? None that were mine personally, but coincidentally, I didn't like two dogs my little sister had. The first one was just mildly annoying, and as much as I hate admitting it, I literally hated her last dog. When was the last time you saw hail? Maybe like... a month ago or something like that? Time is kinda blurry for me on this. We had an absolute downpour of hail one morning, then just... nothing. What is on your mind right this second: I have this at-home sleep study tonight and I'm pretty much obsessing over "what if I don't have a nightmare?" when, for ONCE, I want/need myself to. To be real, I don't know exactly what will change in my life if I do have a sleep apnea diagnosis or something that we're not already doing, but. Mom more than anyone just wants professionals to see that something is seriously wrong and needs fixing. Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)? Both have them, yeah. I think I call Venus "Miss Venus" more than her real name, then she's also "baby girl," "pretty," "beautiful girl," etc. I call Roman just "butt" a lot, haha, then there's "son," "Mama's boy," "bud"... When was the last time you shaved your legs? Not since last October. Nobody sees my legs, so I just don't care. Do you ever try free samples at the store? Sure, if I'm actually interested in the food. Do you like boys with long hair? That's actually my preference. Do you like rootbeer? It's not insufferable, but I'm not really a fan. What is the best fast food place, in your opinion? Sonic. Do you have faith in yourself? What a question to end it on, 'cuz I don't have a fuckin' clue these days.

[prettytoxicrevolver]

Damage | Jack Avery

Warnings? Angst? Idk this isn’t good I’m sorry 

Requested? Yes! I hope you like it and if you want a part 2 pls let me know! 

Summary: Jack and you have been best friends since kindergarten. You two grow up together and eventually you become the photographer for his band Why Don’t We. During your job, you and Jacks bandmate Daniel get together. After a long time of dating though, Daniel gets jealous when fans continue to ship you and Jack and Jack’s feelings can’t help but resurface.

Word Count: 2,308 (it’s a long one with a lot of exposition) 

Part Two is here

Five Years Old 

“Jack! Come downstairs for your playdate!” Jack comes barreling down the stairs, nearly ramming straight into his mom and she laughs lightly. 

“Momma who's coming over?” He asks and she squats down to talk to him. 

“Momma's best friend has a daughter your age and we think you guys will be best friends.'' Just as she finishes talking, the doorbell rings and Jack goes running again. His mom takes off after him to catch up just as he's opening the door. 

"Hi Jack! Did you get taIIer?" (y/n)'s mom greets Jack warmly and he smiles. 

Jack's mom greets (y/n)'s mom and the two get caught up just long enough for Jack to stare curiously at the other girl. Before the two can get too antsy and run off, (y/n)’s mom introduces (y/n). 

“Jack, this is (y/n), (y/n), this is Jack,” The two wave shyly at each other and the two moms smile fondly at the sight. 

“Why don’t you two go play outside while we catch up?” 

Jack turns around and speeds off, (y/n) close in tow. He swings open the backdoor and straight for the giant play set in the back. The two run around, playing a sort of chase, up and down the slide, before getting tired and settling on the swings. 

“What’s your favorite color?” Jack asks.

“Pink!” (y/n) exclaims. “What about you?” 

“Green.” 

The two go back and forth like this and by the end, they’ve decided they’re best friends. When (y/n)’s mom comes to get her a few hours later, she protests, insisting she never wants to leave. The two hug tightly and part with the promise that you'll be over again soon. 

12 Years Old 

"(y/n)! Jack is here!" (y/n)'s mom yells up the stairs. 

Before she can respond, her childhood best friend comes barging into the room. He plops onto her bed, instantly relaxing and she turns from her spot at her desk to look at him. 

"What's up?" She asks.

"How am I supposed to ask Anna to the dance?"  He sighs dramatically and she smiles. She  stands up and lays down next to Jack. 

"Just ask her. She obviously likes you." She responds and he rolls his eyes.

The first school dance of the year was this friday and Jack had been freaking out about asking his crush to go with him for weeks. (y/n) had been trying to convince him forever but he insisted she was going to say no. 

"What if she says no?"

"Then you're sad for a bit and then you get up and party at the dance with me." That cracks a smile and the two are back to their normal activities. 

16 Years Old 

“What do you think we'll be doing ten years from now?” (y/n) asks Jack as she rolls over on his bed to face him. 

“I'll be a famous singer and you'll be a photographer. We'll travel the world together and live out our best lives.” She smiles, and Jack turns back around to continue working on his new song. 

As he works, she takes a few Polaroids of him and judges which ones to keep, add to her portfolio and which ones to give to Jack. Just as she sits back down, Jack's mom comes in and knocks on the door. 

“Dinners ready! (y/n) are you staying the night?” She asks and (y/n) looks over at Jack who nods and she copies the action. 

“Sounds good,” His mom says before disappearing again. 

Ever since Jack and (y/n) hit middle school years, they ended up sleeping over at each others houses. Their moms decided that they trusted the other enough for sleepovers, and soon they became a regularity. 

"We'll always be friends right?" (y/n) asks once the two are settled for bed after dinner.

"Always." He smiles and it goes straight to her heart. 

Present Day

"What do you guys have going on today?" (y/n) asks as the boys gather in the living room to leave.

"Meetings, interviews, more meetings." Daniel says while sitting down next to you and pecking your cheek. "You?" 

"A photoshoot and that's it.'' She tells him and he nods.

"Have fun my love." He says kissing her and standing up again. Jack comes up and kisses the top of (y/n)'s head and tells her to have a good day before leaving with the rest of the guys.

3 years ago (y/n)'s best friend had joined a band and ever since they've taken off. Millions of followers, several eps, an album, and another tour coming up here you were. Her best friend had traveled the world and she fell in love with his band mate. Life seemed perfect.

Ever since Jack had taken off in his career (y/n) hasn't been far behind. At the beginning of the band's career she had taken all of their photos. Overtime other artists and influencers have reached out to her and asked her to take photos for their own profiles. She had begun to take off with Jack by her side. 

That was also how she met Daniel. (y/n) first started staying with the band shortly after they all moved to LA and she picked up a few photography jobs. Daniel and her hit it off right away and three years later they were here. Taking on the world by storm.

The boys seemed to have never ending meeting that was starting to take a toll. Zach looked like he was going fall asleep, Daniel wouldn't stop tapping his pen on the table, Jonah was doodling, Corbyn was on his phone like he was still in high school, and Jack was daydreaming. They were usually better than this in meetings, but it felt like they had been going in circles for days. 

"Last two things," The execs say and an audible sigh can be heard around the room. "Your opener and your photographer. Who do you want?" 

"Wait, we can bring a photographer with us?" Daniel perks up and Jack does the  same. 

"Whoever you want." 

The boys come home that day more excited than ever. (y/n) had just gotten home from her shoot and was flipping through the photos she had taken when they came practically crashing through the front door. The loud noise causes her to jump, and she spins around to see them bounding through the door. 

“(y/n)!!” Jack and Daniel both yell at the same time and she sits up quickly. 

“What’s up?” She asks confused as to what the big commotion has been about. 

“You free for the next few months?” Jack asks.

Once the boys settle enough to explain that they would pay (y/n) to tour with them and take their pictures she practically has the same reaction as they did. She had been wanting to do a tour with an artist for as long as she could remember and now to have this opportunity especially with her best friends was a dream come true. 

We work out the details and (y/n) leaves the house practically screaming inside and out. This was everything to her and she couldn’t believe this was actually going to happen. She was also so excited to travel with her best friends and essentially make great memories for months. 

Two Months Later

“Do you have your laptop?” (y/n)’s mom asks, frantically turning around to look around her near empty apartment. 

“In my backpack,” She tells her. 

“Your chargers? Enough film? Your SD cards? Did you pack enough socks?” She asks and (y/n) sighs. 

“Ma,” She says and her mom smiles. “I got it.” 

“Okay baby I love you,” She says and (y/n) hugs her mom tight and promises to call as much as possible. Just as they let go, (y/n) hears the shrill beep from the boys car and grabs her bags. 

She heads down to the car, where Daniel and Jack meet her. They grab her bags and put them into the trunk before climbing back into the car and diving head first into a summer they would never forget. 

“Are you serious?” She asks. 

“Dead. Come on!” Corbyn begs (y/n) and she rolls her eyes but holds her camera up regardless. 

Her and the boys were stuck in the airport for at least another half an hour and came up with the brilliant idea to snap some photos while they waited for the plane. Corbyn grips his favorite pillow in his arms, offering a pleading look towards (y/n) as he insists it’ll be a perfect photo for his instagram. She relents finally, and kneels down, getting the perfect angle and snaps shot after shot. 

“Flight 247 to Las Vegas now boarding,” The overhead speaker announces and Corbyn and (y/n) spring up. 

Corbyn grabs his stuff and she follows, running over to where she left hers to find it gone. Her heart drops for a second before she hears a whistle. She snaps her head to the side, seeing Jack raising her backpack in his hand and she smiles gratefully before running over with Corbyn just behind her.

“Gonna need this to start the best summer ever,” Jack says, handing the backpack over with a wink and (y/n) sighs. 

When we land in Las Vegas, we head to the hotel first, dropping off our suitcases and getting everything settled. While (y/n) would get her own room, the rest of the boys had to share one way or another. But they were always on the same floor and ran around to hang out with each other in one room. 

“(y/n)! My beautiful!” Daniel yells walking into your room. “Wanna explore?” 

“Would love to.” 

Daniel and (y/n) head out together with a quick message to the groupchat where they would be. They decide to catch an Uber to the venue and dinner somewhere close considering they haven’t eaten since before they had taken off in Los angeles. 

Just as they get to the venue, Daniel takes her hand, carefully intertwining their fingers and leads her around the place. She can’t help it, and takes out her phone and snaps a couple of photos as Daniel walks in front of her and when he hears the familiar click of a camera, he turns around. 

“Oh come on,” Daniel jokes and (y/n) smiles sheepishly. 

“I can’t help it! You look great and the lighting is unique.” 

She gestures for Daniel to move and she plops down, snapping a few photos. When Daniel has had enough, he moves towards the girl and pretends to come at her like he’s gonna tackle her. She falls back and Daniel ends up hovering over her, a wide smile plastered across his perfect features. 

He leans down, placing a light kiss on her lips and (y/n) reciprocates by leaning up to deepen it. Just as she goes to reach her arms around Daniels neck, someone clears their throat. The two separate and Daniel rolls over to sit down next to her. 

“Am I interrupting?” Jack asks walking over. 

“A little,” Daniel says and (y/n) rolls her eyes. She raises a hand and Jack helps her up. 

“What were you guys doing?” He asks once she’s standing. 

“Oh I was just taking some photos of Daniel,” (y/n) explains gesturing to the scene around her and Jack nods. Over the years he had gotten used to spontaneous photoshoots and could practically spot a perfect picture spot as well as she could. 

“By the way, the fans are obsessed with our photos on instagram,” Jack mentions and Daniel tilts his head to the side. By now he’s moved so he has an arm around (y/n)’s waist and is staring curiously at the younger boy. 

“Corbyn wanted to use my camera so I let him take a few photos of me and Jack,” (y/n) explains looking at Daniel. “How bad are the comments though?” 

“Well,” 

For the past three months, every time Jack and (y/n) posted a picture together on either one's social media the fans went nuts. They “shipped” Jack and (y/n) like crazy and blatantly ignored (y/n)’s current relationship with Daniel. Some fans really just had no boundaries and Daniel was honestly getting tired, (y/n) was hoping to do damage control, and Jack was hoping his secret crush of 13 years wouldn’t get out. 

“Come on man, did you really have to post the photos? You know how bad the fans have been,” Daniel complains and you turn in his arms. 

“Woah, it’s not Jack’s fault they have no boundaries,” (y/n) says defending her best friend. 

“And you can’t tell me what I can and can’t post,” Jack snaps back. 

“Jack chill,” (y/n) says fully stepping out of Daniels arms to get in between the two boys. 

“What’s your damage?” Daniel asks and Jack takes a step forward causing you to take one back. 

“I think you know exactly what my damage is. Don’t act like you didn’t ask for this.” 

“You had your chance man. Don’t act all high and mighty now,” Daniel says and Jack rolls his eyes. 

“You’re one to talk,” He declares and pushes past Daniel and storms off. (y/n) stares at where Jack walks off for a second, shocked at the random argument that occured before turning towards her boyfriend. 

“What the hell was that?” She asks. 

“Something you don’t want to get into,” He responds before walking away. 

(y/n) stands there for a moment, unsure of what to do or even who to choose. What was that argument even about?

[genuflectx]

Just wanna rant about my job a bit, will probably delete this later. But I think I may quit my job within the next month or so u_u’

Originally when I joined this job last year it was under originations- I helped people apply and get approved for loans, or offered general tech support when they needed help with the process online. I felt like I was helping these nice old people, they were rarely mean (save for the occasional grouchy old man after he gets rejected), and the work load was decent. Not too heavy, not too boring. 

Then the pandemic hit. My entire team, which had been hired only a few months before, were rushed in for “accelerated training” on the credit card support department. I believe it was just like 4 weeks of training for a tooootally different workflow. We worked in the servicing department for what, maybe a month? Then they furloughed a ton of people and managers and moved us AGAIN, this time to collections. So calling to collect debts on our credit card product. When I joined this company it was under the understanding I did NOT want to do collections because it makes me sad and feel shitty. But they promised us we would be transferred back to originations after a bit, so whatever.

Slowly things have gone downhill since. Just tiny things adding up. They implemented a internet speed minimum requirement, which is understandable working from home, but we lost another good chunk of people who got fired for that, some who I’d made friends with. Hell, I got THREATENED with firing due to this, forcing us to run an Ethernet cable through 2 stories of our house. And I was PISSED because I was the only one on the team making a 100% average on QA scores. Then a few people quit, leaving only 3 people from my original originations team. They hired a new manager to oversee work force management (WFM) and quality assurance (QA) around this point and I’m CONVINCED it got worse because of her changes...

They changed our outbound dialing system to a cheaper one, promising all these improvements, and who woulda guessed... the quality of work life barely improved with this piece of crap tech but hey, it cut costs. Next they dismantled the debt management company department (DMC) and trained us in it so we’re technically trained for and work in two departments. On top of the promise that in the far future that they will cross-train us with the loan department too, a totally different product. We also have to do the emails for our department as well.

Then things got bad. Non stop calls for a months. Likely related to the unfortunate weather disasters in our outsourced locations. The outbound dialer, which is an autodialer that WFM loads up with late people to auto-call, starting filling up with impossible amounts of people to call for our agent count. We started going from 5000 to call every few hours to 10,000. And it doesn’t matter if we don’t clear the queue, they will load more in at certain times of the day. So we’d get 10,000 at 1pm, we’d get it down to 3,000 by 5pm, and they’d just load it back up to 10,000 again. 

Then they added on the mandatory overtime. Everyone in our department either has to do a half shift extra on either saturday or sunday- with mine being on saturday. Another person quit (down to 2 from my original team). We’re understaffed as hell and they tell us that they’re FINALLY training a new class. And know what? They ONLY enacted the OT and got a new class because their service levels were down. Service levels are a mandatory legal level of how many agents per how many customers we have, they get in legal trouble when it drops too far for too long. They didn’t give a shit about our stress until their damn legal agreement dropped and then forced the OT on us. Wow. We feel so appreciated. 

And THEN the OT was supposed to go until Feb 14th- today. THEY EXTENDED IT ANOTHER WEEK. 

And and and a few days after they told us it was extended these dudes LAY OFF 3 managers, including our team’s manager, who I REALLY liked, and stuck us into the team of a manager who is notorious for giving out incorrect policy info! Why! >:( 

Some other small things they’ve done that have added up slowly: They sent me a “nice” alluminum mug for my high QA score. Stuck it in the washer once and the pretty gold lettering on the front melted. It also leaks. They do these “thank you” videos some time where the upper management (never faces you recognize save for 2 or 3). BUT they made us watch this 10 minute long “thank you” Christmas video BETWEEN CALLS instead of scheduling time for us to do it like usual. Due to the short staffing, they changed how our weekly meetings with our manager/team go. Instead of having the whole team go into a meeting with her twice per week, they made her split this into 3 smaller meetings once per week, so that 2 or 3 team members meet with her at a time (more people on the floor to take calls). It spread her thin- before they laid her off of course. After they enacted the OT a week or so into it one of the upper management people sent us all an email telling us we basically weren’t doing good enough because our collections numbers weren’t high enough.. KNOWING we’re under staffed, she still emailed that. Come on.

So ya know what? My fiance and friends have encouraged me to just move on. This company isn’t what it was when I started a year ago, and idk if it’s legit just due to covid or if this WFM/QA overseer that they hired near the end of 2020 is fully to blame. I hate hearing customers tell me day in day out about their family dying, about being homeless/evicted. I hate old ladies screaming at me because they can’t comprehend that WE ARE IN A PANDEMIC and the MAIL WILL BE LATE, so their damn paper checks need to be mailed out at least 2-3 weeks in advanced- OR THEY COULD JUST CALL AND PAY LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. Tired of people insulting me and calling me names because THEY’RE late and THEY missed a payment and they can’t accept responsibility- because they think screaming at someone making a few bucks over min wage will do anyone any good or make their shitty credit score any better.

All this mandatory OT and my nice manager being fired has put a lot of stress on me, if the other crap wasn’t enough. We’re really financially stable in this household even if I did quit, even if I’d feel guilty af. And it could be months before I found another job as safe and well-paying as this one, but at least my mental health would recover.

So I have about a day of sick time and 80 hours of PTO. My plan is to hopefully schedule out all 80 hours, or at least 85% of my PTO if I can, then when I come back to put in a 1 week notice. By then the new agents will be in full swing. I can get the money from the PTO I earned at this shit collections job and then try and move on to bigger and better things. And in the mean time while looking, I can work on art/writing and I can also possibly get a new car with all the money we’ve saved up. My mama and granny might end up disapproving and judge me but 2020 was such a shit year and I’m tired of this. I feel like this job is taking advantage of us and legit just doesn’t give a crap about their employees.

Okay! Well that’s outta my system! Bleck

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p