#i can do it later idc i suffered enough

[matex3]

live matex3 reaction because I want to draw trent ships but I have the most gut wrenching stomachache

[godgavemenoname]

U know what I dpnt care if it's not true... if it's a delusion I'm just gonna delude myself. Someday I'm gonna feel better and things are going to be better for me and the people I love🧿

[thegamingcatmom]

I came across your fic, the sisters on Ao3 and the writing? Amazing! I binge read it in one go and honestly can't wait for more of the story.

Had a thought on that, like we get the vibes that kate will probably push Tanya's buttons with having MC's attention. And then the thought came of would Tanya be annoyed if Kate stole an indirect kiss 👀

Like it's not a massive thing, but could you imagine: they're feeding her, and she's got a drink with a straw or whatever, and kate gets this idea just eyeing the MC drinking who has no idea what's going on and just assumes oh Kate's just thirsty or whatever

The offer of, "You want a sip?" A cheeky grin from kate as she realizes this takes it just for the sole purpose of getting an indirect kiss, not even a kiss, but like just to have that small bit she can gloat over her sister. The confusion on Tanya as Kate takes it even if she doesn't drink it before realizing

I-

This is-

But WHERE are my manners:

Hi! 👋

And THANK YOU for your lovely words! They just put a huge smile on my face, truly. 🙈❤️

Now, to the good stuff:

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Oh, Kate will push buttons alright, and not just Tanya´s probs. Girl lives for being a nuisance, so I think MC would be well-advised to stock up on those headache pills. 💊😅

As for your idea with that indirect kiss?? I mean-

YES PLS???

I love that omg!!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Like, you have NO idea-

Okay so...what I´m trying to say here is:

"...it´s not a massive thing" is RIGHT up my alley. THAT´S what I´m talking about. Like, yknow, all those subtle things, that between-the-lines stuff. Like, YKNOW?? 🫣

God, I sound so unhinged rn-

OKAY SO, in my humble opinion, less is more when it comes to building up that tension and creating an atmosphere that manages to keep you on the edge of your seat, even if there´s little to no "action" going on, if yknow what I mean. It´s the little things that make you go absolutely bonkers because you´ve been suffering forever and you just wanna scream at them to just-

But they won´t. Not now. Not for a loooong time. You hate it (and you hate that you love it). With every little interaction, the cup fills a bit more. The less action you put into those interactions, the faster the cup fills. (Yknow what I´m saying?) Until, at some point, a single drop would be enough to make the cup overflow. YKNOW WHAT I´M SAYING??

Ahhh, it´s just the little things, yknow? Idc about smut (I mean), GIMME THE TENSION. 😭

Also, can you imagine the LOOK MC´s gonna receive from Kate??? As she´s drinking from that straw??? Those lips??? Around that straw???

CAN U IMAGINE TANYA´S LOOK????

Pls. That´s literally them in that exact scenario. I AM WHEEZING.

Meanwhile, MC´s just there like-

YKNOW??

Like, poor thing´s confused af and so innocent, but also kinda used to all that weird shit by now and she´s literally just woken up, trying to enjoy her breakfast, and Tweedledum and Tweedledee are already using up all her energy for that day and-

Is one sane day in this house too much to ask for??

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If it hasn´t become clear enough by now: You have broken me with this. I can´t unthink this now. In fact, Imma go ahead and save that shit for later because there´s no way I´m NOT gonna use this at some point.

...Wait, can I? Like, is it okay if I use your lovely idea for my story?? Please?? 😭

If not, just lemme know. Send me another ask or dm me or whatever suits you best. ✌️😊

...If you fail to do so, however...

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Thank you so much for your ask! You´ve made my day (and my night) with this!! ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

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EDIT:

😩🤌

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ANOTHER EDIT:

Okay but Tanya getting back at Kate by not only taking sip, but a whole BITE??? Despite knowing it'll have to get outta there at some point later again because vampires aren't made for human food??? And Kate just looks at her like-

challenge accepted

-and then it's basically just the two of them taking turns snatching something from MC's plate, trying their hardest to keep their faces somewhat neutral despite the horrid taste and, in the end, MC's plate is empty, she's still hungry because those two idiots have swallowed it all, and said idiots-

Well, looks like none of them is gonna get some now because 1) hooman's moody af because no food and 2) excuse them-

[holymaccaronii]

[Part 3/???] AU rambling.

I initially wanted to explain how BE’s simulation works in a detailed way, but I think I am complicating myself too much lol. By simulation I don’t really mean that her survivors are put to sleep into virtual reality, but instead it’s something far different (and kinda overpowered tbh but idc). To define it shortly: artificial nature. I mean it in a sense that she can somehow manifest the energy inside her as exact replicas of objects or even living beings to the point of them actually being ‘alive’, as if they had their own minds. Imagine a big big base for a board game (the surface of the earth) that has these interactive holograms (anything BE creates) as pieces, n they are powered by an external core (BE herself). If this core were to be destroyed or shut down, everything else that the core powered would perish as well and simply disappear.

Unlike AM, BE does have the possibility of dying plus other limitations, some even set by herself, on her system/simulation:

-She can create and keep her current creations stable on the surface as long as she receives enough solar energy. Just as nature does, BE has the most power during spring and summer, and eventually decreases during autumn and winter. BE prefers to just let her nature flow and perish in winter, she understands why it’s necessary.

-BE refuses to create artificial humans as she only trusts the main 5, and believes any other human no matter if real or artificial could get her into troubles. I know I have mentioned that she initially considered humans to be perfect angels, but later on the story SOMEONE makes her realize the terrible truth and all her hope in humanity gets lost, of course before the 5 humans arrived.

-She can’t greatly affect AM’s complex. Just as I mentioned, her power relies on solar energy, thus if she were to return or be trapped again into his complex she’d most likely spend her energy left into escaping. On the other side, AM CAN affect her simulation only if she grants him enough power and lets his cables roam close to the surface.

-She refuses to let her humans be harmed in any way. While yes they can feel hits or strong forces act onto them, BE has the magnitude of these under control. They are safe/can’t be harmed by any object or being of her creation, and can’t age or suffer illness either.

-BE can manipulate real matter and implement her code in it to morph it into something else. An example of this is what happens to AM when he is given his body, as BE manipulated a bunch of cables that reached the surface to do so. That’s why you see him with his cables shaped as his body, these are his, and his cape + black dye that come from BE.

-Erm and I’m still thinking of the others tehee

I’m just tryna connect the dots in here and give her surroundings and powers a proper definition. Like yes she is just as op as AM but I need to review what limitations she has as well..

[nathank77]

11/11/24

6:39 p.m

So I've been thinking, I have anxiety about all the things I wrote about still but at least for now they are at bay even though I think I'm having heart palpitations atm.. I am still very unsure about what to do about my chlorestoral. My muscles aren't that sore from the gym.. at least yet.. and I really stepped it up. I've had a few spasms but only a few.

I'm glad I'm presumably doing it safely. Wednesday I can add another 3-5 workouts to my routine. Sooner rather than later imma be spending like 5 hours there at a time.

I wish I knew what the right decision about my chlorestoral was. If I take the statin say tonight and I get spasms I'll blame it all on the statin even if I ended up getting them without the statin but I wouldn't know bc well.... I mean... I can't do two different things and see the results unfortunately. I'm def waiting on this decision for a while. I'm wondering if the gym and cutting down on cheese will be at all helpful.

I'm going to need cigarettes soon. I really got to cut down. I don't want to go to new Hampshire anytime soon but it's coming up really soon... it sucks. I'd quit if I could leave this house and get an apartment and get away from my mother and the dog. If I could find a gf.

I also have been thinking about my gauges bc as I was overanalyzing it trying to buy them... I was like am I too old for them? I mean i go what if girls don't like me bc I'm short, or bc I'm bald, or bc I wear glasses. I've never thought about if my gauges have anything to do with it... I've had them since I was like 14.... so I mean they really feel like a part of me. It isn't hard to size down but last time I did it only shrunk to a double zero... so it would never go back to normal. Idk if I want it to shrink to begin with.

All I know is Stacey hated them. Jon hated them. Cecile I think thought they were hot but hated the smell. I'm not sure if she hated them but I think she was the only person i dated to actually think they were hot...

Katie had double zeros so she was indifferent to mine. They weren't hot or ugly. I just wonder if maybe i shouldn't be wearing them. But then again they really are apart of who I am.

People get tattoos. Sleeves and all that and they can't really remove them if they think they look unattractive later (i mean there is laser but it's expensive and you get my point.) However tattoos are considered hot even if the tattoos are fucking fucked up. My sisters tattoos are all bad except three. She has three really nice fucking tattoo, only 3 and the rest are really fucking bad yet everyone compliments them. People think she's hot bc of her tattoos they don't care that most of them look like a 10 year drew them.

Tattoos are considered hot regardless of content, quality, or anything mostly. Gauges were really big when I was a teenager. And then they slowly phased out. Idk. But I know two out of four of my exes thought they were hidiuos...... so idk maybe they aren't attractive?

Also as stupid as this sounds I still got to believe there is hope for me and the girl of my dreams. Even if there isn't bc I don't have anything to live for. Other than me and with the way my living situation changed once Riley got here... I mean I actually feel like I have two options suffer until I just can't anymore and then kill myself. Or just do it now while I still have some form of a quality of life.

I just want someone to hold my hand through a few procedures and show up for me and not give up on me. Idc if me and her are just friends it's not enough to stay alive but it's enough to keep me trying. Idk if that makes sense.... like if we ended up together it'd be entirely enough to keep trying. Family dinners, family movies, all that is a dream. But as friends I mean it isn't enough to keep me here but if she were to show up it might make the difference in the short term to have a place to go and be cared about. To have someone to be there for me sometimes. I just want someone to hold my hand during the biopsy. To be there for me for the hysterectomy and I mean repatha. I'd like someone to give me advice even. But I have no one.

Christmas is going to suck this year if it snows. Thanksgiving is going to suck if I don't go to my dad's. I just want a place to go

I just want someone to be there for me. I just want someone to talk to. I just want to find a place where I belong bc it isn't here.

[izel-01]

Still haven’t been able to find a job, been applying and even reapplying hoping someone would contact me but nothing and I cant stand the idea of calling and getting rejected

So obviously I had to cancel some luxuries that I’ve once had and one of those being Spotify premium, I had the family plan, but with the price change and having no income I can’t have that luxury rn

So I canceled and my younger sister is acting like it’s the end of the world like? I already explained to her that it’s not a necessity sure it’s really nice to have it but if I can’t afford it I have to cancel it and when she woke up to the subscription being canceled she was not happy

She offered to pay, I kept declining bc I don’t think it’s fair that she would pay for something that I originally was paying for and last payment I asked our “ mother “ for to lend me some money ( I’m keeping track how much I owe her it’s not much but still I hate feeling like I owe people money )

Anyways our mother said we’ll talk later about it, my sister and her did talk about it without me ( which idc ) but they kept making “jokes” saying shit like “too bad for those without Spotify premium having to listen to ads” and honestly it was annoying but I ignored them not giving them the time of day

But it hurts cause like I know I can’t afford these luxuries but at least I have a roof over my head and a comfy bed to sleep but it was nice and I miss it but it’s not a necessity and I have having to depend on her for money even though I try not to ask for anything especially since she has to save money for that stupid parasite she’s gonna have but that’s for another day

It just sucks bc I’m the eldest I’m supposed to be the example but I can’t even get a fucking job - I refuse to go back to food service it is not worth my mental health and the pay was not enough - the second oldest doesn’t want a job which imo is fine bc she literally raised the youngest 3 but she doesn’t want to cook, do chores, or learn to drive. And it fucking pisses me off sometimes bc at least she has a purpose living here unlike me

I’m in the way and I know it even if this stupid bitches say I’m not I know I am bc my sister, my best friend, says to “just move out already” , “it’s not that hard”, “nobody wants you here”, etc and ofc it hurts cause the one person who has been through everything with me, who made me suffer (not her fault when we were little but now she should know better), the one who I consider my best friend/my other half is saying this stuff to me in my face

It usually happens when she gets really irritated or when she just snaps at me for any reason which happens almost everyday and I know I may be a bit too much (tough playing with the little ones or “butting” in stuff) but it’s how I show my appreciation and love and concern but she says it’s not my “business” or sum other shit calling me names

One time a while ago around Dec 2021 I’m pretty sure after we had another argument she said something along the lines of “if I was tired then I would not get up cause nobody expects anything from you” and that really hurt I don’t remember the context of what was said I just wrote it down in my notes just her saying that

What do I say to that? How do I move on from that? I obviously didn’t forget but I’ve not forgiven her either. I cook for her I clean after her I try to help her in any way I can I defended and still do to this day from our “mother”- I remember once around middle/high school when our mother was yelling and was about to hit her and I stood out in between them saying she’ll never hit her again and this bitch (the mother) laughed and called me a hypocrite I’ll never forget that and to this day she says she doesn’t remember funny how the most terrible moments of my life she claims of having no memory of and ok my brain is shit cause I physically can’t remember shit at all but I remember that clearly tears in my eyes, scared to death of standing up to her, scared of her but I knew I had to protect my little sister

Anyways it just sucks that I already know I’m a miserable example of the eldest child, but for them to keep reminding me like i don’t know already doesn’t make it better and I can’t tell my supposed best friend bc she is part of the reason why I’m slowly losing my will to do anything and I’m pushing myself everyday trying to cook more help with chores even more to show that I do appreciate them letting me stay here bc according to my mum I’m “ no longer her obligation”

Like I stopped being her child once I turned 15… but she would never dream of doing this to the younger 4 but it’s fine bc at least they have a fighting chance in this cruel world I really want the best for them bc they didn’t asked to be here but it must be nice to not have to suffer what I did

Me and the second oldest like to joke saying we were the free trial and the youngest three have it easy, and jokes aside they do. Like in that show “Good Place” when the main character said sum about her mum sum along the lines of “ if she could’ve been a better mum for ____ then that means she could always change but I wasn’t enough for her to change” and that fucking hit me like a train… cause she did change not for her, not for us, but for them her 3 precious angels (about to be 4) and that “loving husband” of hers, don’t get me wrong that’s a good thing but it hurts seeing them be treated how I deserved to be treated to get that “family” I will always yearn for, it’s still not good tho but hey it’s wayyyy better than my childhood at least I hope it is bc then it would all have been for nothing

[midiosaamor]

❪ ★ ❫ 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐄.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: aaron warner x ADHD fem!reader

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: in where aaron warner helps his girlfriend with her ADHD.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: slight burnout, pet names, stress, slight eating disorder, mental illnesses, anxiety(?), comfort, fluff, use of Y/N, fem reader, modern AU (this is totally a self insert but idc because I NEED TJIS RN OKAY DONT BLAME EM GUYS BLAME GOD)

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒: 1343

𝐀/𝐍: i like totally needed this because i just got overwhelmed and had a breakdown yesterday and i dont feel motivated to do shit todsu (its glimg to go away tomorrow but let me be dramatic smh) ANYWAS THIS IS FOR ALL MY ADHD GIRLIES WHO ARE LIKE ME AND SUFFER WITH THIS <333 (also idk if this is realistic or just normal for yall, i just put the things that happen to me everyday that classifies as adhd😾)

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐀/𝐍: ykw idk if tjis ks good or not i made this at like 1 am so im tirdx bfo but whayever ima post it and see what happens lol

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓. 𝐀𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑.

𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃: ✓

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: @reminiscentreader @never-enough-novels @ilyiwdtpyiwmyhmtkys @evaswarner @sc11vb @sophiesonlinediary @starrynightsxo @f4iry-bell @his-littlefox @viivdle @aaron-warner @reyreadersblog @urbanflorals @heqrtlcss (ask if you want to be added or removed from taglist! <3)

1. executive dysfunction.

(ONE example: focusing too much on one thing, OR, hyperfixation.)

now, you know that you were supposed to be doing something else. it’s about 11:20, and that’s when you and aaron eat lunch together. but, you had to finish this.

plus, it’ll only take a little while, right? it isn’t like you’ll spend thirty more minutes writing a synopsis for a book you read for a friend who asked about it.

wrong.

ten minutes later, your shoulder gets gently pushed. your eyes immediately trail to the owner of the hands and find aaron.

“i know, i know, i’m almost finished,” you say, going back to quickly typing on the keyboard of your laptop. you could feel aaron frown, his eyes still on your head.

“love, it’s time for lunch. you know you have to eat, right?” he asks, putting his hands on the armrest of your chair. though, you barely pay attention to it. “i know. i’m almost finished, though.”

aaron sighs before you find yourself getting turned around in your chair, making your arms fling to the armrest. the blond leans down so he can meet your eyes, his face stern.

“y/n. you know i love you—so much—but it’s time to stop and eat lunch. you know that,” he says, sternly, his eyes focused on you.

you frown and glance back to your laptop before sighing and agreeing with him. “okay, okay,” you grumble, getting up from your chair.

aaron smiles as he follows behind you as you walk into the living room to eat lunch with him.

2. uncontrollable fidgeting.

(a physical reaction to stress or concentration.)

you couldn’t help it. you practically needed something to fidget with. this day was already stressful with you forgetting to set your alarm clock, causing both you and aaron to wake up late; not to mention work being stressful and hard for you.

it was an instinct to fidget whenever you were stressed.

you quickly put your keys down once you made it into your house and immediately looked around for aaron. sadly, you didn’t see him in the living room, or kitchen, so you went to your shared bedroom.

luckily, you find aaron on the bed, who, surprisingly, is wearing a grey hoodie and sweatpants. you don’t have time to gawk before you walk up to your boyfriend and practically lounge on top of his chest, making him grunt in shock.

“angel?” he asks, turning off the tv with the remote before his hands wrap around your hips.

you start to fidget with the strings of his hoodie, tugging on them and folding them up. normally you’d have one of those pop-its or a different kind of fidget toy, but this time, you don't.

aaron thankfully figures out what’s happening when you don’t respond and quickly leans over to his bedside counter, careful not to move you, and gets one of the fidget toys he got for you.

huh, you didn’t even realize that was there.

“here, angel,” he says softly, smiling whenever you look up at him take the toy from his hands and start to fidget with it on his chest.

you see him grab the remote and turn on the movie that he was watching before moving one of his hands behind his head, his other hand still resting on your hip.

3. choice paralysis.

(inability to choose choices or decisions.)

you bite your lip in stress, your fingers tapping against your thigh. you and your friends decided to hang out, and they wanted to meet up somewhere again.

it was going fine until one of your friends decided to let you choose since you’d never chosen before.

“so, where are we going, y/n?” your friend beside you asks, lifting an eyebrow at you. it isn't their fault that they don't know about your adhd. only your close friends do, but they’re not here right now. and that makes this 10x worse.

“uhm… i don’t know,” you say with a shrug. saying i don’t know to things was always easier than making decisions. choosing made you panic, stressed, even though you didn’t know why.

“come on, y/n. you can’t just say i don’t know about this,” your other friend sighs, looking up at you from the floor. you nervously bite your lip, moving your feet around.

“well—i don’t really know places y’know? why don’t one of you guys choose?” you asked hopefully, hoping that they would spare you.

they didn’t.

“nope. it’s your turn to choose. we all chose,” the friend beside you says, shrugging nonchalantly. you begin to wish that aaron was there right now.

good thing that apparently, he’s a genie.

“you could just go to that cafe that just opened.” your friends turn to the voice who butted in, revealing aaron, leaning against the kitchen counter with his phone in hand.

“oh, yeah! i heard that it’s really good!” another friend butts in, smiling. the friend beside you frowns, looking at you. “are you sure you don’t want to choose this time? i mean we could let you choose—“

“no, no! it’s fine!”

4. trouble recalling commonly used words.

(you don’t remember the word you need to use, even though you’ve used it a hundred times before.)

you were pacing around your room with aaron sitting on your bed, watching you with a smile as you use your hands to exclaim your excitement about a new book you’ve read.

he always knew that books were one of your hyperfixations, and he never said no to you asking to buy piles of books.

“and then—oh my god—he literally smiled. like, he knew! he literally knew that he was going to win the case even though she worked so hard to collect—“ you cut off, trying to remember the word that you were going to use.

“uhm.. wait, what was the word—“

“proof?”

“yes! proof that he was a bastard and deserved to go to jail, but no! they just had to believe him over poor becca and nat who literally are in the fucking right! like, can you believe that?!” you rant, hitting your hand with your other hand in a chopping motion.

aaron lifts an eyebrow. “that sounds like the trial was flawed,” he says. words like that always came easy for him, which you never understood. you always had to think about easy words for some reason.

“it is! like, he’s literally so stupid and annoying—and—wait—and—irritating!” you groan, running a hand down your face.

aaron can’t help but chuckle at your aggression, hiding his smile with his hand. “shut up, aaron,” you deadpan.

5. poor sense of time.

(forgetting what time or day it is.)

oh shit, oh shit. you forgot all about this project. you quickly rush on the paper, your handwriting messy but you’re too stressed to care about that now.

you thought that it was wednesday. not thursday. how could it be thursday? you literally checked the time before and it was thursday. or was it?—you don’t remember anymore.

“angel?” aaron asks curiously, looking at your rushed state. “wait.” you continue to write down on the paper quickly, knowing that the deadline is in five minutes.

“shit, i thought it was wednesday,” you rant to aaron, continuing to scribble down words. “did you forget again?” aaron asks, though it isn’t judgmental.

“yes,” you groan, sticking your hand in your hair so you can lay the side of your face on your palm. “literally, how is it thursday?”

aaron just signs before walking closer to you, putting a hand on your back, and beginning to rub it gently in a form of comfort.

“well, now you know it’s thursday. and, you’re almost finished. even if it’s past the deadline, you’ll be finished with it quickly. don’t worry, love,” he says softly.

you glance up at him before swallowing, nodding your head softly. “yeah, yeah. thank you, darling,” you mumble, calming down. though, you still slightly rush to get through the paper so it doesn’t get late.

[unluckilyimnot]

10 and manjiro sano idc if it's angst or fluff

10 "I wanna be closer to you than that" fluff with Mikey !

Note: I love secret relationships trope sm and it shows cause it's long , sorry about that. Thank you for asking ! From this

Watching you from afar was driving Manjiro crazy. He hated it, having to stay away from you. Coming at school just to see you passing by him like you didn't know each other hurt. Yes, he was sometimes staying at school just to look at you throughout the day ; usually when you two can't meet up at night. 

Manjiro still doesn't understand when you keep your relationship with him secret from everyone. Your father doesn't agree ? He can make him change his mind, he can show him that you'll be the happiest and safest with him.  He would literally do anything for you to run in his arms at the end of the day as he comes to take you home after school. But even your friends didn't know, and honestly his mind just told him that you don't want to be seen with him. Sending you a message, he asked you to meet up tonight because he really needs to see you, but that doesn't mean he wrote the last part. Checking your phone as you feel it buzz, you look at him across the classroom before turning your eyes away like nothing happens. But deep down, you couldn't wait to see him and your heart was beating a bit faster.

The same night, thanks to your big sister's help, you could sneak out again to see your lover. Walking away from your house to the end of the street, Manjiro was leaning against a wall, waiting for you. He opens his arms to the sight of you running to him and you happily crush yourself against him, feeling finally at home. A big smile on your face as you get to feel him so close and his soft hair on your hand.

But you couldn't be happier than him. Holding your waist and being able to smell your scent was a bliss for him, he loves it so much. If you gave him the right, Manjiro would spend his time with his nose in your neck. A content sigh leaves his month by now and he was ready to spend some hours with you.

Seeking for you or your hand all the night, you could feel his neediness hides something bigger. Maybe he missed you more than he’d like to admit, but it’s fine since you’re here now, right ? You really thought it was. Enjoy the time you can get with him cause you were too afraid to tell your friends, you knew them too well for that. So meeting at night was perfect for you : no-one to look at you and judge the boy you loved. It was enough for you.

Before you knew, it was past 2 a.m and gotta get back home to sleep at least a bit to face tomorrow.

“Manjiro, I have to go,” you said, getting your jacket that you left somewhere on the ground. His smile faded but approved anyway, knowing too well how you were already playing with fire to see him at those hours. Yet, he couldn’t let you go like this, he has to talk to you first. Catching your hand before you walked away, he brought you gently to his chest. You thought he was hugging one last time but then he just wouldn’t let you go, tightening his grip on you.

“I want to be closer to you than that,” he whispers in your neck.

“You can difficultly be closer Manjiro-”

“Not like that. Like I want to sit next to you at school at lunch time, like to hold your hand outside. Like you say to your friends about us…” That was the moment you realized you were the only one okay with this situation. Manjiro was suffering with this situation and you didn’t even notice by yourself. You felt bad, really, knowing that he was the type to suffer in silence wasn’t enough for you to take care of him properly. But it was just complicated for you and just saying this was a bit blunt when it’s the same for him.

Taking his cheeks in your hands, you sweetly kissed his lips before showing a weak smile, “I’m gonna think about it, I promise.” Nodding, Manjiro gets you back home before meeting up with Draken like he usually does, hoping you will change your mind.

bonus: Few days later, as Manjiro was showing up at school for once, you came to greet him with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek. Cheeks that burn in a second at your move in front of the crowd but he was smiling like an idiot. Proud of you, you giggle at his reaction, happy to see him like this.

“So I can hug you here now ??” he asked, happy as a child. You barely nod that his arms were around you, finally happy to be able to do that.

I hope you liked it !

[otaku-tyriq]

Unpopular Genshin Opinions that will have at least half the fandom show up at my address to murder me

1. I hate Yae Miko. Idc if she‘s yall‘s uwu pink fox waifu or your lesbian main kin, I genuinly want that dumb fox to die. There is being smug and teasy and than there is straight up bullying. Her absolutely ignoring Sayu‘s personal boundaries and her entire behaviour during Gorou‘s hangout event crossed several lines for me cuz she just reminded me so much of the girls in highschool that would call me fat, pathetic and disgusting only to than laugh it off with: "OMG IT IS JUST A JOKE YOU ARE SOOOO SENSITIVE AHAHA“. Every time I see and need to interact with her, I want to strangle her. Idc about her, her story, her supposed relationship with Ei and her quest. I‘ll just skip through all the dialogue, get those primos and buzz off cuz I literally hate her that much. The only fictional character I hate more is Adam from Sk8 the infinity, so congrats Miko, the only person worse than you, is a canonical pedophile.

2. Xingqui and Chongyun are not cute together both as a friendship and romantically. Just like Yae Miko my dislike for this ship stems from years of bullying and trauma cuz like Chongyun I am insanely naive, can‘t recognise sarcasm or when people are pulling my leg which led to a lot of "friends“ in the past exploiting my naivety to pull pranks on me and make me believe the dumbest of shit. Do any of you know how tiring it gets when after a while of this, you genuinely do not know when to believe the people who are supposed to be your friends? I just don‘t think Xingqui is that great of a friend for exploiting Chongyun‘s kindness and trust for his personal amusement and I genuinely think Shenhe is in the right to dislike him the way she does.

3. Hating on straight ships such as Ittosara and Jeanluc and commenting on posts of these ships saying it is disgusting and homophobic, is deeply biphobic. Cuz it deepens the idea that bisexuals in straight relationships are "not gay enough for the LGBT community.“

4. Genshin should not be allowed to be played by minors due to the Gacha system and the fact that it is clearly geared towards adults with its character design. It is a gateway for young children into a gambling addiction if left unsupervised. Mihoyo needs stricter rules on player’s age.

5. Genshin is becoming less and less Newcomer friendly. Let me elaborate. All the new characters both 4* and 5* are from inazuma and later regions. Now let‘s say you just started playing genshin cuz you like Yae Miko. You get Yae Miko. But you are unable to level her up past 20 cuz all her Ascension material is in Inazuma. Or even with certain 4* like Sara and Gorou. Or even just so many events that new comers cannot take part in cuz they haven‘t completed the liyue or inazuma quests yet.

6. Ayaka did not manipulate/guilt trip the Traveler into fighting for Inazuma. She showed them the suffering of her people, the damage the Vision hunt decree has done and she promised to actually help the traveler to meet the Archon, which is way more than what I can say about what the people of Mondstadt and Liyue did for the traveler as much as I ADORE those Archon quests. Ayaka herself said that if the traveler did not want to help after seeing the truth, she’d accept their decision. If you seriously believe that counts as guilt tripping and manipulation, than by that logic every time someone shows you how people are suffering from covid, they are "guilt tripping“ and "manipulating“ you into wearing a mask or something? Every time someone tells you about police violence, they are guilt tripping and manipulating you into supporting BLM or something? Some of y‘all have never faced true manipulation and it shows.

7. The Sinophobia in this fandom is disgusting. But what I hate the most is that some of y‘all just casually write tweets saying "yun jin sounds like a dead cat, chinese is such an ugly language“ and "Chinese Genshin fans should unalive themselves for real they are so disgustiiiing“ all while having the words "Protect Asian lives“ in your Twitter Bio, showing that you do not give two fucks about Asian lives unless it fits your uwu Kawaii K-pop ideal!

8. Some of y‘all need to touch grass and that includes me too

[melloian]

Miraculous Ladybug Reboot Explanation

Alright, so i thought about that a summary or short passage about my Au as whole wasn’t enough explanation. Au introduction page was just little so, i wanted to explain more.

What is Miraculous Ladybug Reboot?

Miraculous ladybug reboot is an Au where its a mixture of the original and the concepts but in my own take/version of it. 

Why you made Miraculous Ladybug Reboot?

Am late to the party but, Miraculous Ladybug has been going down hill lately. They continuously ruining characters and milking this series. They think its funny to show Marinette being a creep 24/7. And Adrien clearly have little personality and hardly show him (its really bad now in season 4, though lies show his own screentime.) Worst part, Thomas astruc can’t take criticism and blocks people (am aware some people attacks him for no reason). So i decided to make this that kinda erase the terrible things that happened in Miraculous Ladybug.

About Miraculous Ladybug Reboot

(copied and pasted from Au Introduction page)

14 years old teenage girl name Marinette Dupain-Cheng was once a normal student at Françoise Dupont Highschool. One day, Marionette was helping with parents by cleaning the attic. Marinette found a music box on the floor. She look around, decided to pick it up, and put it in her pocket. Afterwards, she decided to open the box in the her room, finding black earrings inside. She decided to try on the earrings and suddenly a creature came out of the box. The creature introduced themselves as Tikki and explained those earrings. Afterwards, Marinette decided to become a superhero known as Ladybug.

Changes 

Both of the main characters getting equal amount of screentime

if the show was really about feminisms, then they show that woman and man equal. Both strong in both ways doesn’t matter. This also includes screentime. 

Removing Marinette's creepiness and suffering. 

(yes am using this picture, still the worst thing i ever seen in this entire show)

Her being obsessive creepy stalker is obviously not ok and teaches kids to think that doing this is ok. So am just going remove that, and keep the idea that she have a crush on him.

other thing that’s wrong if the fact they just keep making Marinette suffer and have too much stress for a teenager. She does too much work for hero, does bakery, babysits and etc. The worse of all is making her guardian. because of all this, she had to tell Alya her secret for emotional support (or something else). Am removing this because its too much stress for teen and it makes me think she have suicidal thoughts and just keeping a smile on her face around people. 

Speaking of Guardian...

Marinette will not be a Guardian

Yea, i see nothing good about her being a guardian. If anything it ruins the outcome of the entire point of love square. Even worst, she’ll just forgot Adrien anyway if she quits being guardian.

Not so much heroes

Having too many heroes takes too much time with just saying. You can’t really develop all those heroes at all. So i have shorten it out to only 5.

Chloe actually having a Development

Look idc if a creator makes a character go through Treason arc. However, the way Chloe arc was written, it definitely wasn’t a Treason arc. If anything it looked like a development but the team acting like she never had one.  So am just going to do the bully to antihero to hero arc scenario. 

Lila being a part of the main antagonist

So basically i wanted her to be the one who starts a rival but is truly a villain who secretly hiding something from everyone.

People is not going get akumantized repeatedly as different forms instead some one else get akumantized.

I rather for the person to be akumantized either once or twice. Not the 100th time. It makes hawk moth look like a joke. So i will make it where Hawk Moth would give up the person after once or twice and attempts to find some one who can be strong enough to beat Ladybug or chat noir.

When Hawk moth defeated, there be another main villain.

There be 7 main villains in total. All them deals with controlling some one emotion.  Expect for the last one, which is like the “final” boss of the series. 

Nathalie being anti-villain but still the antagonist

I wanted to see if i can write assistant betraying their boss.  At the same time, being evil just for the sake of their boss.  Sorry gabenath shippers.

Some adults being smart for once.

Can we just agree that most of the adults in this show shares the same braincell awhile all the teenagers are smart? Idk, they just easily gullible to lila’s lie and expel Marinette without any proof or something to know she did it.

There’s not just controlled villains, there’s villains just being villains.

Not every villain is going akumantized, in fact, there will be villains who just evil on their own. They pretty much attack the city and stuff like akumanzatied villains do. This is so that it will balance out the akumanzations.

The villains usually comes in a certain time. Like day, afternoon, noon, or night.

Specials are apart of the story, the heroes will learn something, and the heroes will later will come back.

If the heroes going go to different cities, i want them to at least learn something from it. 

Unifications would not exist for other kwamis, it will only for 2 kwamis only which its definitely not the ladybug or cat miraculous. 

Unifications are op not going lie. There’s no weakness between the powers or weaken the other. The weakness it have is making the user go out of control if consume too many kwamis. I might be wrong though.

 So i will only use it for 2 kwamis only (which is not going be said for right now).

Alya not being a hardcore Adrien x Marinette shipper 

It gets annoying if your bestfriend really wants you and your crush to be together so badly and forces you into uncomfortable spots where your crush is at. Even your friend becomes a hypocrite for a straight minute. I have to erase this so that Alya can be actual friend.

Gay characters that are in relationship actually treated like a relationship instead of a very good best friend thing.

I just want to them actually feel like they in actual relationship.

The guardians mentor their heroes if they have soon experienced enough.

I don’t know, wang fu doesn’t really train anyone or be a good guardian for once. Now he’s gone.

Zoe being an secret agent instead of a hero

Before you call me a zoe hater, i just want to say this. Zoe entire existence doesn’t make sense. She was never mentioned in the show until season 4. Audrey cheating also doesn’t add up either and causes more plot holes. So i made it where zoe is secret agent from new york who was tasked to go France. She lied about being chloe’s half sister (and other things) just so she get near to her mission. Which leads to another villain soon.

Felix not being a cousin nor evil

I don’t like how they made felix evil at all. It just feels like insult for the fans who asked him to be in it in the first place. So i made Felix Adrien's brother whose not evil but just gloomy.

Stormy weather being a separate entity 

I think it will be cool to see her as a separate villain instead of akumantized one.

Some characters will be either changed or deleted.

Characters will be changed since it is a reboot thing, however some may be deleted because i either don’t like them, can’t find a way how to write them, or they seem pointless character in general.

Viperion is still exist but in a different way

i think its best not to explain this one until later

Superheroes (not miraculous heroes) were created by a mage.

I think is best to not explain this one  either until later

Added things

Species

There’s going be more species instead of Superhumans, Kwamis, and Humans. It so that the universe can be expanded.

Dimensions

(lol portals)

Dimensions existed for bigger plot points in the story. It also another way to expand the universe some how. The only way to enter dimensions is by portals or keys.

Types of kwamis

There will be types of kwamis. Like animal kwami, mythical kwami, dark kwami, hoilday kwami and corrupted kwami.

There will also be guardian for each type.

More types of akumanzation/amokzations

As i said eariler, there be more villains with more controlling type powers. 

Daroness

Daroness is faraway villain that is owned by Rodrigue. Hawk moth works there as the chairman, making missions for the villains that works for him. However, he doesn’t akumantize people in this place, he does it in his lair instead. Welp, that’s all for now. Thanks for reading :)

[piracytheorist]

hello! could you please tell me wtf that noise he makes is called at 13:46?? youtube. c o m / watch ? v = pWE8rzGPuKU some special mentions: 38:28 to 38:42 ; Ethan nomming 1:09 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) capcom we didn't need the swallowing sounds but you know what thank u anyways (idc if they are stock sounds, they are on this vid, therefore he made them); when he gets pinned/mauled by the varcolac from 1:17 to 1:46 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°); 17:28 to 17:50 (context: tearing his hands from the hooks) also special mention to the comment section, man so many timestamps holy sh- <3 would mention more but I get distracted by his heavy breathing and adorable Rose-talk

Putting the link of the legendary video for any fellow Ethan Whimpers simps out there to follow with:

Now, the sound at 13:46, it sounds like an audible exhale, like the opposite of an audible gasp, made in effort and pain as he's standing up while his entire body is suffering. I wouldn't call it a whimper (it's too strong, whimpers are usually low and small and cute), nor a moan either (moans are a bit more forceful, while this just comes out with his breathing). Technically it's not a gasp (his inhales are clear air, his exhales are noisy), but I think I'd just call it "audible gasp". I don't know really, if someone could enlighten me 😁

Dude, I've gone to the 38:28 timestamp so many times I knew what moment it was before I even checked it. I remember freaking the fuck out when I first watched that moment in a gameplay, was like "Okay this is too much for me"... and now I'm here simping for Ethan's screams as he has hooks impaled into his hands. That shaky "wh-what are you- what are you doing?" *clutches chest* Todd Soley has done the lord's work but I hope he never reads that comments section O_O

Speaking of, that video has one of my favourite comments section of all time. I find myself visiting that video sometimes just to see the new comments added by fellow Ethan simps.

That ASMR of Ethan eating, though. I find it hilarious, like... the CRONCH at the beginning, like he's eating some chips or whatthefuck instead of meat and fish. Like idk did the Duke deep fry the meat so much that the crust is hard enough to crunch? And we get the full experience, eating with his mouth open (I understand you're on a mission to save your daughter and actively being attacked by monsters, but manners, Ethan) and a full-on hearty swallowing sound. Like how did they even make that sound. Did they have a microphone directly on Todd's throat. Was that even Todd. I have questions.

Oh, that varcolac attack!! He not only sounds scared and in pain, he also sounds so fucking helpless. He's just pinned on the ground and all he can do is scream (and like!! you know we make sounds when we're in pain as a cry for help, because we're in too much pain to actually say "I'm in pain, please help me" so moans and screams come out instead, and like!! there was no-one around to help Ethan (aside from the Duke which if I'm correct was pretty close to that attack and it's kinda hilarious how he probably heard Ethan screaming his heart out but just sat back like ''He'll survive, he's a tough one'') and he just screams so helplessly and so beautifully <3 And it's such a long attack. It took its time attacking Ethan, the directors took their time having Todd scream and moan in front of the microphone, and we take our time enjoying it. Even that fucker being such an inconvenience to kill (considering you have to save up ammo for Moreau's fight later) doesn't change how outright enjoyable that moment is.

And oh my Goooooooooood that other timestamp!! 17:44 absolutely fave tiny whimper!! Like Ethan's pain sounds are the shit because they feel like, so uncontrollable and deep and raw and real. He's just a guy, terrified out of his shit, being attacked by monsters so out of his league, and he's only armed with a couple of simple guns and determination. Aw, Ethan T_T

And in general, I just... you know, I love how in his first dialogues, his voice sounds so calm, and low, and soft. Well, at least until "Mia" gets shot. You don't hear him like that in the rest of the game, he's always tense, or angry, or scared. Especially in the Miranda fight, he's just done with everything, and he's exhausted and in pain and his voice comes out so strained and angry... homeboy spent the entire day like that, inside a nightmare, without a moment of rest. And all he wanted was a calm, normal life ;_;

But anyways enough feels. I've made an entire Audacity file with timestamps, and here are some of my favourite ones:

3:23 I don't know when that happens, though the "What the hell is this", he says it when he starts hallucinating Mia outside the Beneviento house, so idk maybe it was meant to be said at some point there. In any case it's said with so much terror and pain... ugh!

15:35 WHERE IS HE SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT??? ADSGFADHFDGFFDF

18:22 again, I have no idea when that's supposed to happen. But the way his voice shakes... mmm yes.

22:28 poor Ethan T_T

22:40 absolutely fucking fave. Homeboy's tryna be tough and victorious and I'm here laughing my ass out with his stupid quips.

29:22 idk if it is because we don't hear that in the game, but... idk, I like how he says that.

30:28 oooohhh my boi. He just sounds so tired, I want to wrap him in a blanket...

37:14 waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh T_T

(I've got way more but I haven't checked the entire file, I mean it is 45 minutes long, lol)

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[xsimxx77]

Dean ❤️😭

So yeah Spn ended and ep20 sucked and it's been days and I still can't process ! (I'm a mess btw so God knows how this will come out)

The finale sucked and dean's death sucked basically I'm devastated !! And no it's not just "another Tv character's death" it's not just "a death" no ! it just sucks and lemme start up with some shit here !

So why his death is just bullshit !

Dean out of no where was put into some circumstances that can't be understood or be dealth with at 4 LIKE 4 ! Like suddenly his life just turned upside down and he was faced with "you gotta take care of ur little brother!" HOW WOULD A 4 YEAR OLD UNDERSTAND WHAT TAKING CARE OF SOMEONE MEAN !!? but he did it anyways and guess what he freaking did amazing job in that !!

But wait -

HOW OLD WAS DEAN RIGHT HERE !!!? (btw this is the dark side of the moon ep when angels made them relive their fav memories ) he used to do what he was always doing his whole life !!! His father just messed up sth and he just went there and tried to fix it , tried to make it better for his mother ! He just did that !! And Sammy was like wow "never realized how long" ! yeah Sammy apparently he's been doing this his whole freaking life !

He had to do things that weren't even his job even before Mary's death! He was just so good that he couldn't see her anxious or sad about certain stuff ! And HE WAS SO YOUNG BACK THEN OMG !

yeah He never had a childhood thanks to his lovely father ! Been treated his whole life as a soldier , was raised like one !! He was always convinced that he had one job , just one job ! What he felt and how he felt never really mattered !

Reminder: he never got to graduate , never got to college ! And how he was just so proud that his samrtass brother went to Stanford is just so precious !

"Always wanted to be a fireman" wanted ! What a word huh ! And again sammy went just like wow "never told me that" yeah Sam cuz what he wanted was never important apparently !

He always thought that the things he loved were just never his things , thinking he is nothing and no one. Always thought that he's not really worth anything !!

Imagine being convinced that everyone around u will leave u at certain point and u can't be enough ! and how he's so attached to his family knowing he can't be that for them !!

And don't u dare tell me that John didn't really affect him with so many things !! His whole life Dean was just trying to be good for the man!

Yeah I mean what a bright life right

and yes we can clearly see Dean using sarcasm in facing his problems ! Just all with the "Idc what happens to me" attitude but not bcz he's just careless like that nah not really he's just too scared to admit that he is scared if that makes sense ! U can see that clearly in many seasons

in s3 Sam was trying to find a way to save his brother ! And dean was just like u can't do anything cuz there's no way and acting with the "careless" sarcastic way he is and Sam was just like "How can you" , "what's wrong with you!" He just can't let himself feel that he will be saved cuz there is nothing that can save him , he even admits that he is scared later on !

and to me Dean is this one dude with that mindset that he can't have hope , he won't allow himself to have hope ! So yeah he can't let himself believe that Sam will save him bcz what if he believed that and it just didn't work ! He's just too scared !! I mean can you imagine that !!

he was just so scared dammit !!

S10 (this whole season was so heartbreaking tbh)

and here !! (btw this the paint it black ep) How he just admits that he keeps expecting death ! And how he's just scared !!! "there's people , things feelings I want to experience differently!" And again with the want word !! HE WANTED THINGS FOR HIMSELF but never thought or even made things for HIMSELF !! and u telling me why this hurts so bad !!

He loved cars , wanted to be a mechanic or maybe even a rockstar and we can see that from previous seasons but he gets to talk about it with that girl in the "bad boys" ep ! reminder : that this is the "let him rot in jail" ep ! Imagine Dean with that mind of his and all of those thoughts thinking he's not worth it and shit like that only for his amazing father to leave him out there just like that !!! Thanks again John ! 🙃 YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT HE DIDN'T HAVE DREAMS OF HIS OWN !! But again he did come back for baby Sammy and I love him !!

I just love him sm and I know he never deserved any of this !!

How he was just convinced that he's just a grunt and couldn't see himself as this smart strong hero he truely is !!!😭 HE'S BEEN FIGHTING HIS WHOLE LIFE ! He'S BEEN SO GOOD HIS WHOLE FREAKING LIFE !!

How he just kept questioning why would an angel save him from hell !! "Why me !!? If there is a God out there why would he give a crap about me ?"

Never really came across his mind that he's worth it !

he never knew , never been told how great he was until Cas happened !! And Cas , this one angel is a wholeee other story !❤️🥺

"imagine telling someone u love 'em only to have him give u this face !" Yeah lol that was funny but u know what ! imagine believing ur whole freaking life that ur nothing and not really worth anything , that ur just so pathetic and can't do anything and then having soemone just state how good and lovely you are and that they love u ! Like love u ! Yeah I find that funny too u know ! Like look at his face it just feels like "don't tell me that cuz I ain't worth it , I ain't that good Cas "

and I just love Cas so much cuz he just wanted to show Dean how lovely , selfless and just how precious he is !

Cas loved Dean the way he should be loved !! He just saw right thru his soul and loved it all !! Cuz he saw exactly what he is !! saw it all and understood it AND HE FREAKING LOVED HIM FOR EVERYTHING!!

and when we finally see Dean kinda accepting that yes he might be worth it , that yes he might be good just like Cas said ! That he deserves to live a life for himself !! They just kill him off !! Just like that ! Throwing everything away !

And this this this right here just hits so hard and painfully rn !! Cuz How many times did Dean say this over many seasons !! Like how many times did he say that "a hunt gone wrong" is what gonna end him !! and seriously don't u dare tell me that yeah he was just ok with that or he wasn't really scared or that *the ending* he's got is the perfect one for him cuz nah !! IT'S FREAKING NOT !!! He kept saying that and he was expecting that !! HE WAS EXPECTING GETTING KILLED LIKE THAT ALL HIS FREAKING LIFE !! But he was literally dreading it !!!That's why this sucks !! That's why this is just so messed up and cruel !!

Imagine getting killed the exact way ur dreading for it to happen !

Like When Dean fianlly goes like "We gotta keep living Sammy" he really wanted to give this a shot !! He wanted to finally give it a shot for Cas and for himself! It's like he finally allowed himself to have hope !! Finally got his whole freaking free wil to do literally whatever he wanted !!!! He had a dog u know ! 😭 HE FREAKING APPLIED FOR A JOB !! FOR A JOB !! HE WAS GONNA GIVE THINGS OTHER THAN HUNTING A SHOT !! HE WANTED THIS !!

only to have him lose all of that !! all ripped away from him !! So yeah this is NOT JUST ANOTHER CHARACTER'S DEATH !!

He was so scared , he was freaking so scared and shaking "didn't think that this day would be today" he just wanted Sam close cuz he was so scared !! and u telling me that this is just another character's death!!

my baby boy , my comfort character deserved better !! I love him so much I can't-

i really thought Cas's death was bad (and it was hell tbh) but Dean's ending just messed me up in ways I can't even tell !

like he had to suffer too while dying !! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR !! Like ffs !!

this is literally depressing and so cruel !! And hopeless LIKE SO FUCKING HOPELESS !

he's been suffering his whole freaking life !! ALL HIS LIFE !!

and I know That he kinda got his peace at heaven (and tbh that might be the only thing that will help me go on with my life and the fact that Cas isn't in the empty too !) but that's just still doesn't make things right !! He freaking deserved a life !! HE FREAKING DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER !!

I just hate those writers so bad !

I will just end this with saying THANK U DEAN WINCHESTER , u've helped me thru alot !! u've changed me ❤️😭 ! Hope ur having all happiness u deserve at heaven baby boy ❤️😭😭

[jovialluminaryalpaca]

Okay, Long Rant time.

Lee Suho and my thoughts

I'll be talking mostly about drama Suho

Tw// mention of suicide, depression, death

Honestly, I am so done with all people putting Suho down and using excuses like

"He was boring" "He had no personality" "Han Seojun was way better."

No. Wait. Hold on.

First of all, Lee Suho as a character is a complex personality both in the webtoon in the drama. Now, take a step back and imagine how would it be like if you were in his place?

Can you imagine being a kid watching your mother die slowly and then watch your own father cheat on your mother with some other woman?

He was a kid, for God's sake and no one thought about it that way. He closed himself off and distanced himself from others and avoided getting too attached to anyone except for this one girl he found at the comicbook store but she ended moving away from that place.

Many years later, he found two friends, Seojun and Seyeon. He slowly opened up to them and they became an important part of his life and just when he thought that things are fine, one of his friends committed suicide and as if that itself was not enough and he wasn't already overwhelmed with guilt, Seojun showing up, blaming him and calling him a murderer made things worse for him and that's how in a very short period of time, he lost another friend.

Can you imagine that happening around you?

Honestly, I can't.

Even if I love Han Seojun as a character, I'll never truly forgive him for not hearing Suho out and blaming him and breaking things off instead of sorting the problems out.

After years of blaming himself, suffering from PTSD and depression to the point that he got panic and anxiety attacks, he continued to distance himself from others and became this cold distant guy because he didn't want people to warm up to him and the thought of losing the people (who he grows close to) in the future haunted him. He also considered himself the worst kind of person and didn't bother to let people think otherwise.

I understand that he was kinda rude to Jugyeong in the start but when he understood what he is doing, he stopped doing it and apologised. But somewhere he was still scared of hurting her or losing her that's the reason why he immediately shut himself off after Seojun not very kindly reminded of that one thing he already blamed himself for and told her things that would push her away even when it hurt him.

He was scared to go ahead with his instincts and you can see him just stand in the background and do nothing at times, but then he eventually decided to confess what he felt and much to his luck she liked him back. He got that happiness he craved for since he was a kid through her and was it wrong?

No. Because she was healing his broken state and he was healing hers.

And just like that when things seemed to good for them, a sequence of events unfolded themselves before them. Him getting involved in an accident, that scene where he was about to get hit by the car, the expression on his face screamed that he was alright with his life ending right then and that broke my heart. He blamed himself that much for something which was not even his fault. His confrontation with his father where in he finally lets it all out, that scene made me feel terrible for him, he went through so much pain and suffering for so long and yet again when he was settling and accepting things around them, Jugyeong's secret came out and he literally ran around to make sure she was okay, idc if you are team Seojun but if you tell that he didn't care enough, rewatch the entire show. :)

Through all of this, Suho tried his best to learn from his mistakes and to come out of his little anti social shell. He was finally learning to find happiness in the moments while they lasted.

And because well his bad luck loves him, his father ended up in a hospital in a country far away from his hometown with no one familiar and the worst thing was parting from the people he cared about, Seojun and Jugyeong.

If you tell me that he was the one who broke up, do you try to think why did he?

Again, imagine yourself in his shoes, your faraway, like almost more than 12 hours away from someone you love and that person is in their hometown staying up all night waiting for your call and ending up sick because of doing so. It was obvious he felt the guilt of making her suffer like that, so he broke it off. Now, Jugyeong had friends by her side and her family but him? He had no one, just a few people from his dad's company and doctors. He was literally in an unfamiliar country surrounded with strangers.

Imagine getting up everyday and finding yourself in the same place. I can't imagine how hard it was for him to be like that but he went through it for almost more than one year.

He deserved happiness and what was wrong with it if he found through Jugyeong?

But what I truly love about his character is how he loves and cares with all his heart and is loyal to the core. I mean seriously. Also the way he changed and learned from all the mistakes he made and was the first to apologise and actually change makes me love him even more.

Also, I get it if you dislike Suho, but don't hate on Cha Eunwoo, he did his best to portray the character the way it was written and according to me, he did an amazing job.

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

[ausilotus]

Was watching a vid on YouTube about this horrible prank couple channel bullshit and it was focused later on in the video of how they acted like they were in an abusive relationship….. as a prank. They were collabing with another couple and made them think they were in an abusive relationship, even used fake blood. I read the comments and abuse survivors were sharing how damaging that is for them to treat it as something to joke or prank about and some fucking dumbass responds to these people by repeating “I’m living in your walls” (in all caps btw but I don’t wanna write that in all caps) and to one they said “they’re looking for you, good night sleep tight 🤗” (yes they fucking used that emoji) and holy fucking shit that pisses me off. I don’t fucking care if they’re a “troll” I didn’t fucking care. That’s not something anyone should do. That kind of shit, targeting abuse victims who have ptsd, saying this shit… it’s intentionally meant to harm them and make them paranoid. Cuz they think it’s funny. They think it’s funny to trigger an abuse victim and make fun of their trauma. I don’t understand how anyone would find that funny. Troll or not, you’re harming these people and you know it. And you don’t care. Disgusted isn’t a strong enough word for me to describe this. Despise isn’t a strong enough word for me to describe my feelings towards assholes like this. And I see that “living in your walls” shit so much, I don’t understand how people can say that to victims of any heinous act, anyone who’s psychotic, schizophrenic, and/or suffer from paranoia in general. Those aren’t things I experience (well I do think I have some kind of paranoia), so to anyone who does, please let me know if I say anything wrong or need to add any more tags to this post. Any form of bigotry and cruelty like this fucking angers me and I wish anyone like that drop dead. I’m sorry if saying that is too far, but so many people would be better off without them, the world would be better off. These people are so insensitive and disgusting, they (and others who are similar) make me violently angry. And I’ll reiterate, idc if they’re trolls. They’re willing to harm people just for attention and I just……. have violent urges rn I’m sorry.