#i came up with the cult as an original group but i guess it could be something from DC like the LOA if there’s anything that fits

[stars-obsession-pit]

A cult has been causing trouble for the Infinite Realms in their search for power and eternal life. And to make things worse, the Observants suspect that they have at least one actual ghost—or possibly even a traitorous Observant—working with them and interfering with their view. This could become a major problem…

However, as Observants, they’ve sworn not to intervene directly, so they have to pick someone else to look deeper into the situation for them. And, if necessary, to deal with it.

They choose Phantom for this role, since his half-human nature means he’ll have an easier time operating in the living world. Danny’s not entirely happy with the assignment, but the situation does seem like a genuine issue so he’s willing to look into it (if in his own way).

Since he doesn’t know how prepared the cult is for ghosts, he decides that infiltration would be the best way to gather info. Thus, he takes on a new identity in his human form and approaches the cult, expressing interest in the publicly known part of their group. Then, a bit later, he manages to successfully gain admittance into some of the more private meetings. Everything is progressing as planned!

…Though he didn’t expect to like one of his fellow initiates so much. He hopes he can change their mind on things and bring them out of the cult with him when he’s done.

Meanwhile, a hero from the Justice League has also been sent to infiltrate the cult and investigate the rumors about it. It’s gone off without a hitch so far, but they’ve gained a potential entanglement in the form of one of the other new members whom they’re developing a crush on…

[hello-eden]

 Surprise Reflection

Red robin feels like he has been hit by a truck. He has no idea why he feels like this. He knows for a fact he was drugged and not hit over the head but there are more important things to worry about.

He wakes up tied to a chair with both rope and handcuffs. it's going to take a minute to get out. He looks around at his captors who make it very obvious that his initial guess of cult is correct.

There's a summoning Circle in the middle of the room that they're working on. He has no idea what there's summoning. No one's turned around to look at him and started villain monologuing to tell him. He sees two other people tied up and he recognizes them. 

Red hood and spoiler in gear, which is an unexpected surprise he thought they were off tonight. Hood is still conked out but spoiler is awake and gagged. He wonders if she bit one of the cultists or if she tried Nightwings favorite tactic to be as annoying as possible. 

He's busy trying to unravel the rope silently all the sudden he hears chanting. That is the worst thing to happen at this moment. He has basically zero backup as hood is incapacitated and spoiler is just as tied up as him.

Red robin tries to is yelling at the cultist trying to figure out what's going on or at least distracting them with the fact he's awake but they don't seem to hear him.

A being appeared in a blinding flash of white light. There is an unsettling feeling in the air that seemed to emerge with them.

Their eyes glowing such a bright green that you could barely make out the shapes of their face. Their hair seems to come down to their hips alternating from black to white. Their body forming itself right in front of their eyes turning into something not quite human but trying to be. the being turned to survey the room from the cultist to the heroes trying to stop whatever ritual this was.

“ WHO DARES” the being said, sounding as if they've been insulted.

“ Oh great being of chaos and Power, we have come before you to ask for a boon ” one of the cult members came forward to say.

“what is this boon you wish for” The being asks clearly not wanting to be here.

 “if the mighty one would will it we would be most grateful to have the ones known as the Justice League destroyed”

 The Being stopped for a moment as if trying to figure out what the cult leader had just said.

“Is this a fu*king cult”

That stopped everyone in their tracks. 

“I would not call it a cult, I would call it a group created to promote your greatness.” the cult member says trying to save the situation.  

“ That's a cult,“ The Beings seem to start laughing as they realize who had summoned them. ”is this seriously what's going on. who the hell even is this Justice League that you've decided they need to be destroyed.”

“ They are people who promote the destruction of ourselves and have been working too stop the spread of your greatness.”

“ Your majesty,”  Red Robin says, hoping to swing this one there way as it's obvious whatever this thing it is not exactly fond of Cults. “We are Protectors of the place that these people have been trying to destroy.”

 “Are you trying to make me go against Heroes” The Being said, even without a clear look at their face you could tell they're in disbelief.

“You Dare,” The anger in their voice makes it very clear they are dangerous ”I am created from one of Realm's Greatest protectors. you dare try and make me destroy Heroes. I will enjoy giving you to the nightmare dimension”

Another bright light appeared though this time instead of just being inside the circle it covered the entire room. This time the light was a ombre of green and blue. Once the light dispersed all of the cult members seemed to have disappeared.

In the center of the room where the summoning Circle originally was stands a girl. her eyes are the same bright green with white hair but this time with a human face. A familiar face. She's wearing jeans with a constellation hoodie and matching Converse.

“apologies for the inconvenience I do quite hate when I'm summoned” The girl disappears just as she finishes speaking. 

It took Red Robin a while to realize what was confusing him but the second she left he realized. She had Damian's face. From the shape of his nose and the resemblance to Bruce even down to the bright Lazarus green eyes. She was a mirror image and he had no idea what that meant for them.

[queerweirdness]

I can't get enough of you baby!

Steve knew he was in for a world of trouble when Eddie Munson threw him against a wall with a bottle pressed to his throat. It wasn’t because someone new got thrown into the upside down mess, but who. Eddie was known for his eccentric personality at school and being the leader of a club people thought involved devil worship. He hadn't talked to the man other than to ask him to come to a few parties and deal. He was quiet at the parties he came to, setting up in a corner or on the back patio and keeping to himself. 

Steve had noticed him anyway, the way he put on a charming smile to lure people into buying more than they originally wanted. He was good at what he did. He knew how to get people to do what he wanted; whether that was to listen or to buy, he could do it. Steve always found himself glancing over to him at parties and slowly drifting in his direction. He never had the courage to talk to him; knowing his ‘friends’ had done horrible things to him and his group. They ran in different circles and people would stare if they found Steve being friendly to “someone like Munson”. That was until he and Nancy broke up.

~~~~~

He comes out of the bathroom and finds himself wandering to Eddie’s table once again. He always manages to drift that way during a party but he’s been doing it even more tonight. He can’t help himself. Eddie is decked out in a “Rocky Horror Picture Show” costume. He is in a corset, leather underwear he is practically bursting out of, and these slutty little gartered fishnets. Steve is only human. A human with an unnatural attraction to the town freak. He had heard people talking about his costume before he even laid eyes on Eddie. Of course most people were calling him a “fag”, a “fairy”, or the never old “freak”. He was set up by the punch bowl Steve had set out, legs splayed wide under the table, hiding absolutely nothing.

He decides to go over, figuring he could use a good high after what had just happened. Plus, the guy is hot. He’s been away from Tommy long enough that that thought no longer scares him.“Hello there Steve, trouble in paradise?” Eddie cooed, putting on his charming smile once again. “Yeah I guess. How close are you to running out?” Steve asks “You aren't taking the rest of my stock if that's what you're asking.” Eddie cocks his head and puts on a sarcastic voice, like he's skeptical about Steve's question. “No, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to smoke? I'd pay for however much we went through of course.” He didn't know that was his plan until the words had come out of his mouth. “You- Steve Harrington- king of hawkins high, want to smoke and hang out  with me - Eddie Munson- alleged satanic cult leader and town drug dealer?” He seems like he's going to laugh in Steve's face. “You can say no. This was probably a dumb idea. You know what, nevermind, i'll just take a joint and get out of your hair.” He’s ashamed he thought Eddie would ever hang out with him after all that Tommy alone had done. 

“No, Steve, wait. I’ll smoke with you. I just thought you were trying to pull my leg. Help me pack up then we can get to it, yeah?” Steve walks around to the other side and starts putting all of the things scattered around the table into Eddie's bag and lunchbox. “Where are we heading, my liege?” Eddie asks, throwing himself into a dramatic bow. “Please just call me Steve. Tommy started that ‘King Steve’ bullshit and I can't stand it. You good with the roof? Nobody will be up there and it's kinda peaceful up there. Plus we can watch idiots jump in the pool fully clothed.” “I like the way you think Steve. One question though: how the hell do you get up there?” “Follow me.” Steve takes off toward the back door and Eddie follows. They head to the side of the house and past a few couples sucking face trying to stay hidden. They eventually reach their destination: a flimsy looking ladder that is laying down across the side of the fence. Steve picks it up and leans it against the house and climbs up. Eddie climbs up after him, hoping to god that the ladder isn't as rotted as it looks.

They make their way back on the roof until they are near the peak and can see the entirety of the backyard. The air between them is awkward, and cold, so Eddie pulls out a joint and offers it up with a ,“Shall we?”. He pulls the lighter from his pocket and lights the joint. He takes a hit before passing it to Steve. He can’t help but laugh when Steve damn near coughs his lungs out after a small hit. “Oh shut up Munson. Nancy didn't like it when I smoked so it's been awhile.” “oo past tense. What happened? I'm a nosy bitch.” “Honestly man, I don't even know. I tried to get her to stop drinking and she said I was bullshit. That we were bullshit. I think someone took her home.” “Damn that's rough man. Do you think she's gonna want to continue to date?” Eddie asks sincerely. He might not have liked Harrington all that much but he can tell he needs someone to talk to about this. Plus, he wasn't lying about being a nosy bitch. 

“Honestly? I don't even know if I want to. We are different people and I think that's gotten to us both. She's a sweet girl, really, but I don't think we are supposed to be together.” “Damn that sucks. Well I'm sorry for you man.” “Eh, don’t be. It was bound to happen. What about you, any girlfriends?” “No, I can't say I've got my eye on any girls.” He laughs inside, knowing full well he won’t ever have his eye on any girls. “Oh. Any boys in mind then?” Eddie chokes, sending himself into a coughing fit. Steve pats him on the back like he wasn't the one that asked the question that got him there. “WHAT?” there was no way in hell that Steve Harrinton asked if he was gay in such a nonchalant way.

 “Well I mean there are rumors. I didn't want to assume anything but I figured I would ask. I don't care if you're gay. Actually I'm pretty sure that thing in your pocket tells me all I need to know.” “Hold on, you're cool with me being gay AND you know what flagging is?” “I mean my dad talks a lot about “those damn homosexuals” whenever he's actually home and even if it is negative stuff, he's taught me a lot. Also why the hell would I care who you fuck? I’m kind of known for getting with almost half the girls at school.” “Half of the people in this town want to kill me because they think that im gay. Figured you would be the same.” “No, I don't give a shit. So, any dudes you've been thinking about?” “Yeah I've had my eye on this dude but I know he's straight so there's no point in asking him out.” Eddie was about to jump off the damn roof if it meant he didn't have to talk to Steve about his crush on ‘this one guy’ a.k.a. Steve himself. 

“I mean you’re a pretty hot guy. Would I know who it is? You would be surprised how many “straight” dudes aren't so straight. Like Tommy, me and him used to kiss for ‘practice’ when we were kids. That's not very straight if you ask me. And don’t even get me started on the way half the basketball team would get each other off at the after-game parties they held.” Did Steve just call him hot? Did Steve just come out to him? “You mean they would go to somebody’s house and they would all just jerk each other off? I thought y’all were like drinking or watching some kind of game at those parties.” he knows he must look dumb. His mouth is hanging open and he's staring at Steve. “I mean yeah, basically. Some of them would keep their hands on their own dicks but still watch the others. It wasn’t just hand jobs either, we were full on blowing each other. It was all a weird voyeuristic mess. I’m pretty sure Andrew and Jim full-on fucked in my parents bed one night. We never talked about it though. God I don't know what Andrew did that one night but that was the fastest i've ever come in my life. I swear that was magic.” Steve takes another hit of the joint while Eddie gawks at him in disbelief. “Oh and Roy, that man has the mouth of a God. Like I said: we weren’t as straight as people thought.” 

Eddie forces himself to close his mouth. “Steve? Did you just come out to me?” He is still trying to process all the information that was just thrown at him. “I mean I'm not gay. I like guys, sure, but I was in love with Nancy. She was very much not a dude.” Steve just continues smoking like he didn't just bring Eddie's world down in a few sentences. “You know you can like both right? It’s called being bisexual.” Eddie feels like Steve might not know that considering what he just said. “Oh. No shit? Well then I guess I'm bisexual,” He says with a shrug. He holds the joint back out to Eddie in an offering. Eddie takes it and takes a big hit, hoping it will make him stop freaking out about what he just found out. “Well then do you have your eyes on any guys?” He gets it out before he can put up his brain to mouth filter. “Eh, there is this one but my old friends bullied him so i don’t think he’d ever give me a shot. I’ve always liked him. I mean he’s a year older than me and when I first started high school I just wanted to hang around him. Tommy saw him and immediately made a snide remark about him and Carol had agreed. In my kid brain that settled it. I couldn't be seen with him or I was a freak just like him. I mean Tommy and Carol were my best friends since we were like 7. Their word was law at that point. I wish I could have just realized he was an awful person before I based my entire high school persona around who he wanted me to be. I think Carol could have been a better person if she didn’t get mixed in with him like we both did. She is actually really sweet when she wants to be and cares a lot about her friends but she’s in love with Tommy and can't disagree with him.” He just sits with his thoughts for a second before adding, “Sorry for just dumping all that on you man, i'm starting to feel a bit buzzed and all of my thoughts are coming out now.” he chuckles and reaches for the joint again, clearly wanting more than a buzz. “No, that's fine. I never have a filter so now we’re even i guess. If it means anything to you I could always tell you weren't like him. You would stand back and watch, sure, but you never terrorized us like he did. I’m glad you ditched them.” Eddie shuts himself up before he goes on and spills his feelings for the man before him. Steve exhales then responds “I’m glad I have your approval. It means a lot to me.” “Aw, Stevie, keep it up and I'm going to think that you like me.” Steve seems to ponder this for a minute, taking a slow hit of the joint before turning his head to face Eddie. He exhales just as slowly as he inhaled then takes a stabilizing breath.

 “I do. I do like you. You are the one I saw freshman year.” He is looking, terrified, into Eddie's eyes, pupils blown from smoking, making him look like a kicked puppy. “No fucking way” “Eddie, i’m sorry. I know you don’t like me like that and that you probably think I only said that because I'm high.” “Hey. Hey no. I only said that because I didn't think there was possibly a chance of you liking me. You are perfect. Everyone loves you. Nobody likes ‘the freak’. I'm just that. I’m a freak. It can be fun in some cases but it’s not going to be fun when I break down in tears in your arms when you show me a little affection that reminds me of my childhood. Or when I cry because you get mad because in my head you are going to leave like my dad did.” Eddie only realizes Steve has put out the blunt and moved closer when he looks up only to be immediately tackled into a bone crushing hug.  

“I will never yell at you. If we get upset with each other I promise to talk it out. You can cry in my arms as much as you want to. You deserve to be shown affection.” Eddie doesn't realize he’s crying until he feels the wet spot on Steve's shirt. Trying to break the moment before he is embarrassed even further, he pulls away and tries to joke. “I really didn’t think about the weather before I showed up practically naked.” The joke doesn't land, but it doesn’t go bad either. Instead, he watches as Steve shucks off his jacket and puts it around Eddie's shoulders. He looks at his watch and seemingly decides something. “Put that on and go up the stairs, first door on the right. The key is in the pocket of the jacket. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He stands and makes his way down the ladder. If he checks out Eddie’s ass as he climbs down, that's nobody's business but his.

He watches Eddie go up the stairs before cutting the music. “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” He goes around yelling that, banging two pots together for about ten minutes until everyone is gone. Eventually all that's left is him, Eddie, and a mess to clean up in the morning. Eddie is sitting on the bed giggling when he gets to his room. “It’s the only way to get them out.”

“Can I ask why you made me come into this plaid monstrosity of a room?” “because you’re staying here tonight. You can steal my clothes to sleep in and there's a phone in the hall if you want to call home. I’m gonna change in the bathroom if you want to change out here. Tell me when you're done because I assume those are hard to get out of.” “Indeed they are. Will you loosen the corset? I can't do it myself.” Steve strides over and undoes the laces. “You looked hot by the way. Like really hot.” Eddie can feel himself flush “I know. I spent a long time checking myself out in the mirror before I left.” Steve just smiles in response. “You’re a cocky son of  bitch you know.” He laughs before closing the bathroom door and changing into his pajamas. He waits for Eddie’s signal before stepping out of the bathroom.

“Oh my god you are adorable. I'm gonna kiss you now. Can I kiss you?” Steve knows he has to be smiling like a maniac. Eddie in his clothes is going to give him a heart attack. He is in one of his swim shirts and a pair of flannel pants. Because he is significantly smaller than Steve, he is practically drowning in both. When Eddie nods, giving him the go-ahead, he closes the small distance between them to press a gentle kiss to Eddie's lips. When they pull back, both are smiling so wide they feel like their faces are going to split in half. Steve gives Eddie another quick peck before telling him to lay down while he gets water because he “sweats like crazy in his sleep”. When he gets back he puts the water on his nightstand before crawling into bed next to Eddie.

As they settle into each other's arms Eddie laughs. “Y’know, when you came out of the bathroom in nothing but your boxers, I thought you were just trying to impress me. But you really are a human space heater.” Steve chuckles before responding. “Yeah I normally sleep naked but I didn't think we were at that point yet.” Eddie feels himself flush. “I thought that you only brought me up here to show me what the famous ‘Harrington charm’ was all about.” Steve lets out a real laugh at that. “No, but I will tell you the secret.” He leans in until he is hovering right over Eddie's ear. “I know where the clit is,” he whispers like its top secret before they both burst out into full belly laughter. “And here I was thinking that you were going to charm my pants off.” Eddie giggles. “No, I can definitely still do that but that is the main event.” Eddie sobers up suddenly. “Hey steve? What are we?” He is scared. He thought this was going to be a one night stand. Steve is talking like it isn’t. What if he scares him off? He wasn't lying up on the roof. He is horrible at emotions. He ends up curling up and crying at the slightest hint of anything. He feels Steve shift a little. When he looks back to him, Steve is holding out his pinky like in a pinky promise. “I was hoping for boyfriends.” Eddie looks up at him like he hung the moon. As far as he is concerned, he did. “Boyfriends,” Eddie agrees as he loops his finger through Steve’s. “How about we go out for waffles in the morning. As boyfriends,” Steve suggests. “That sounds good. I’ll help you clean up when we wake up.” They smile at each other and fall asleep wrapped up in each other with their fingers still looped together in the promise of being boyfriends. 

They go for waffles in the morning. And every Saturday morning for 3 months. Those three months are the best months Steve has had since he went face to face with a demogorgon. They only end when Tommy starts to harass Steve constantly. The classes that used to be a blessing because he had his best friends have quickly become hell. They still sit next to him, no matter how many times he tells them to buzz off. He now gets called a fag at least three times a day, one in each of the classes they have together. 

Since Steve has started to sit with Eddie and the rest of the hellfire club at lunch, he has had a hard fall from his fame, as well as having to quit both swim and basketball due to his concussions. He had gotten few during his middle school and high school years, so when Billy beats the shit out of him, he’s down for the count in terms of sports. It’s something he struggles with losing, but he knows that his boyfriend will help him get through it. 

When he tells Eddie that he has to quit sports, he doesn’t have the reaction Steve thought he would. Instead Eddie says that Steve would be better off without him. He blamed himself for everything that happened, even if Steve was glad to not have all eyes on him anymore. He was perfectly happy to let Billy take his place as the one people worshiped. Eddie says that he will just hurt him like he does everyone else. He will just be cursed by associating with the Munson name. Steve tries to tell him that he's perfectly happy to be cursed as long as it means he gets to keep loving Eddie. Only after he’s said it does he realize that’s the first time he has told Eddie that he loves him. “Eddie, I love you. Please don’t leave. I’m happy with anything that comes my way as long as it means you will stay.” He’s crying now. He can’t stand to lose the only thing that was getting him through all of this. He tries to grab Eddie’s wrist both to get Eddie to stay and to ground himself by holding onto someone he loves. “I love you too, Steve, which is exactly why I can't stay. I’m a curse. If I stay I will cause so much more harm than good in your life. Goodbye steve." With that, he walks out of the door. His clothes are still in Steve's closet, his hand still wrapped around his heart.

~~~~~

Steve loves working with Robin. She makes fun of him the same way the kids he somehow ended up fostering do. She’s something different. He loves her. It doesn't feel the same as when he loved Eddie or even Nancy but he knows that he loves her. He would walk to the ends of the Earth with her. So when he gets trapped in that stupid Russian elevator with her, he knows he has to tell her.

“The ceiling stopped spinning for me. Is it still spinning for you?” He can hear the amazement in robin's voice. He looks up. The ceiling no longer looks like a painting and looks like a regular shitty bathroom ceiling. “Holy shit. No,” he replies, “You think we puked it all up?” He sure hopes they did. “Maybe. Ask me somethin,” she calls. “Interrogate me.” her russian accent is frankly horrible. “Okay. interrogate you. Sure. Um… when was the last time you peed your pants?” it was the first thing that popped into his head. “Today” she doesn’t even sound embarrassed. “What?” he laughs “when the russian doctor took out the bone saw.” They both laugh. “Oh my god” “it was just a little bit though.” she says as if that makes it any better. “Yeah, its definitely still in her system.” He says it more to himself than her as she giggles in the next stall. “Alright, my turn.” “Hit me.” He expects a stupid question not what she actually asks. “Have you… ever been in love?” He wants to tel her about Eddie. Wants to say that that was the most in love he’s ever been. But he knows that will only make his cry in his drug induced state. “Yep. Nancy wheeler. First semester senior year.” He imitates a gun and shoots it with his hand, forgetting that robin can’t see him. “Oh my god. She’s such a priss.” Steve hums in response. “Turns out, not really.” He can hear robin scoff. “Are you still in love with Nancy?” “No.” Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth she asks, “Why not?” He thinks for a second. Should he tell her about Eddie or is it too risky. Something in him says that no, she wouldn’t care, but he still decides to just confess his feelings for her instead.

“I think it’s because I found someone who’s a little bit better for me. It’s crazy. Ever since Dustin got home he’s been saying, you know ‘you gotta find your suzie. You gotta find your suzie.’” He inhales, knowing what he’s about to tell her doesn't feel right but it’s the only way he knows how to describe what he feels toward her. “Wait who’s suzie?” He sighs “It’s some girl from camp. I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not even 100% sure she’s even real. But that’s not- that’s not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this girl you know, the one that I like,It’s somebody i… didn't even talk to in school. And I don't even know why. Maybe ‘cause Tommy H. would have made fun of me or… I wouldn’t be… prom king. It’s stupid.I mean, Dustin's right it’s all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because when I think about it, I should have been hanging out with this girl the whole time. First of all, she’s hilarious. She’s so funny. I feel like, this summer, I have laughed harder than I have laughed… in a really long time. And she’s smart. Way smarter than me. You know, she can crack, like, top secret russian codes and… you know? She’s honestly unlike anyone else I've ever even met before.” He waits for her to reply but none comes. “Robin…” he taps on her stall. “Robin, did you just OD in there?” Finally, she answers, “No.” he hears her sigh “I… am still alive.” she sighs once again. He slides under her stall, wanting to see her face to face. “The floors disgusting” she sounds… disappointed?. “Yeah, well, I've already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt so… What do you think?” “About?” “This girl.” “She sounds awesome.” “She is awesome. And what about the guy?” She sighs heavily before replying. “I think he’s on drugs. And he’s not thinking straight.” “Really? ‘Cause I think he’s thinking a lot more clearly than usual.” “he’s not. Look… he doesn’t even know this girl.and if he did know her, like… like really know her,i don’t think he’d even want to be her friend.” what could she possibly be talking about. Of course he wants to be her friend. He loves her. “No, that’s not true. No way is that true.” “Listen to me Steve. It’s shocked me to my core, but I like you. I really like you. But I'm not like your other friends. And I'm not like Nancy Wheeler.” “Robin, that's exactly why I like you.” she scoffs in his face. “Do you remember what I said about Click’s class? About me being jealous, and, like, obsessed?” “Yeah” of course he does. That's what gave him the idea that she liked him as well. “It isn’t because I had a crush on you. It’s because… she wouldn’t stop staring at you.” He is completely and utterly lost. “Mrs. Click?” That pulls a laugh out of Robin, even if he doesn't understand why. “Tammy Thompson. I wanted her to look at me but… she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And- and you didn’t even like her and… I would go home…and just scream into my pillow.” She looks at him like she expects him to punch her in the face. “But Tammy Thompson’s a girl” “Steve…” “yeah?” she just looks at him. “Oh.” “‘Oh.’” she mocks. “Holy shit.” “Yeah. ‘holy shit’” she still looks scared. When he doesn't reply for a while she repeats back to him, “Steve… did you OD over there?” “No, I just, uh… just thinking.” “Okay” 

“You were right. You aren't like my other friends. You're like me.” He feels a weight lift off his chest. “What do you mean?” “I’m gay too. Well bisexual really, I like both. Remember how after me and Nancy broke up I started sitting at the hellfire table? It wasn’t because of a sudden interest in a nerd game. I mean I played a few times because they made me but it was all too confusing. Reading is hard enough for me but reading, math, and following a confusing story line? It was too much. But me and Eddie. We were together. Like, we were dating.” “No way. You were dating the freak?” “Don’t call him that. And yeah I was dating Eddie Munson as unbelievable as it seems. He broke up with me after I got my skull smashed in by Billy. Said he was a curse. Bad things would happen if we stayed together. I tried to get him to stay but he just… left. I still love him, Robin. I still have all the stuff he left at my house. All of our pictures are in a shoebox under my bed. I still listen to the mixtape he made me. I sleep in his clothes sometimes because they still smell like him somehow.” “Holy shit, Steve. Then why did you just try to get with me?” “I feel something towards you. I love you but it doesn't really feel romantic. I thought maybe I was just confused.” Robin seems to ponder this for a moment before saying ,“I think we are platonic soulmates. I love you too. But in a way that I want you by my side as a best friend. I feel like we share a brain at this point.” “that- that actually makes a lot of sense.” 

“Yeah. Okay not to be rude but I'm drugged and probably autistic if we are being real here, but Eddie Munson?! What the hell?” “He’s so sweet, Robs. He was so understanding.” “I don't believe a word you're saying! He stepped in my lunch, like, twice on his little table rants. That is neither sweet nor understanding.” “Well he was with me. Plus he is so cute. He’s got the big brown eyes that remind me of Bambi. And his hair? It looked so good when I taught him how to take care of it. It happened by accident. We were on my roof smoking the night me and Nancy broke up. He was in this Frank’N’Furter costume and he looked, like, so hot. I asked him to come smoke with me and eventually I told him because I was high and he ended up crying in my arms. I asked him to be my boyfriend that night as we laid down to go to sleep. It lasted three months. Those were the best three months of my life.” “Damn you had it bad.” “I really did. I still do.”

“And what about you? Tammy thompson?! She’s cute and all but… I mean, she’s a total dud.” “She is not” Robin sounds like he just insulted everything she lives for. “Yes, she is. She wants to be, like, a singer. She wants to move to, like, Nashville and shit.” “She has dreams” “she cant even hold a tune. She's practically tone deaf. Have you heard her? All the time” He continues to do what, in his opinion, is a great impression of Tammy singing. “She does not sound like that.” “she sounds exactly- that's a great impression of her” “she does not sound like that. You sound like a muppet.” “She sounds like a muppet. She sounds like a muppet giving birth.” The both continue to sing like muppets which ends up sounding exactly like Tammy thompson. “Exactly!” “I know!," Robin manages through her laughter.

~~~~~

The first time he heard his name was in Family Video. The kids had stopped by to beg him for a ride to the arcade the first weekend after school started. They had walked through the door in the middle of a conversation. “He just walked up to me and told me he liked my shirt. Introduced himself as ‘Eddie Munson, king of freaks, and leader of the Hellfire club’.” Dustin was still talking to Mike, who was focused on what he was saying. Steve eyed Robin, who was already looking at him, trying to convey how fast his heart was beating telepathically. He just nodded and turned his attention back to the kids. “I assume you're here to ask me for something, not to actually rent a movie.” “you would be correct. Can you drive us to the arcade tomorrow?” Steve sighed, pretending he didn’t love the little shits. “Yeah. I get off of here at four. Am I picking you all up at Mike’s or from your own houses?” “Mike’s” “okay. I'll be there.” “Thanks Steve!” “yeah yeah get out of here”

When they leave, he turns back to Robin. Nobody is in the store, so they are safe. “Why didn't I think of that? Of course they would become friends with him. He’s the leader of hellfire. I'm gonna have to hear them talk about him all the time. What if he tells them? Robin! Would he tell them? Oh my god, what am I going to do, Robs?” He knows he’s panicking, spiraling even. He knows Eddie probably wouldn't tell them, but what if he did? Would the kids think any different of him? Would they tell their parents? He loves Karen Wheeler but Ted probably wouldn't feel comfortable with someone like him taking care of his kid. “Steve. Steve. You're freaking out. It’s okay. You're going to be okay. He probably won’t tell them. He may be an asshole but he won’t out you to the kids. Sit down. I'll go get you some water, just breathe. In and out. You got this.”

He did not, in fact, have this. Everytime the kids brought Eddie up, he froze, sure they were going to mention they knew. But that day never came. The kids stayed oblivious to the history the two had. They even began to pester Steve about meeting Eddie, apparently they thought they would make great friends since they both tolerated (loved) the little hellions. 

~~~~~ 

Steve and Robin are both working an opening shift for the first time since summer. Robin is on spring break which means she will be working the same hours as him. They have the news playing in the background as they bicker over something petty. “There has been a murder of a beloved high school cheerleader in hawkins. People are-” Steve looks up at the TV. “Robin look. That’s Eddie’s trailer.” “That Eddie? Eddie Munson?” “Yeah, like my ex-boyfriend who I'm still in love with. There was a murder at his trailer last night.” “Do you think it’s related to the upside down?” “Shit, it’s been too calm of a year, probably.” “You realize that means you are going to have to face him right? We can’t let him deal with this alone.” “Robin, why do you have to be right all the time?” He knows that he has to help. He was confused the first time he dealt with stuff like this and if the body is still there that means they are up against something new. Without Nancy and Jonathan we would have gotten himself killed. “Flip the sign and get all your stuff. I know where he is.” Robin does what he tells her as he goes out to the car. He sees Dustin and Max storming up to the store when he walks out. “I know what happened. Get in the car and tell me what you know on the way. Robin is coming.” They don’t ask questions, just clamber into the backseat of the beamer and wait for Robin. As soon as her door shuts they are off, driving faster than they really should be.

“Eddie was selling chrissy drugs that night. I heard him talking to the older guys about it before we started hellfire. Do you know where he is?” Steve takes a deep breath and realizes this might be the day he comes out to the kids. “Yeah, I have a pretty good idea where he's going.” He speeds in the direction of Rick Lipton’s place. “He lives across from me. I saw him come home with Chrissy while I was trying to feed the dog. I was watching out the window and saw him run out to his van not even fifteen minutes later. Something about him made it seem like he was terrified. He was even more frantic than usual. The lights in both mine and his trailer flickered. It might just be the shitty electrical work in the trailers but i don't think it was coincidental that it happened at the same time and then Eddie immediately ran out looking scared for his life. His uncle had already left for work so he was home alone with Chrissy.” Max supplies, trying to help get a fuller picture of what they might be walking into. He sees Eddie’s van parked on the side of the road about a quarter mile from Rick’s. “Stay in the car. Dustin, don't ask.” He finds Eddie's key, still in its spot on his key ring. He drives the van a little further into the trees, out of sight. He walks back to the car and tells them to get out. “Why do you have key to Eddie’s van?,” Dustin asks as soon as he gets next to Steve. “I said don’t ask. You can ask him when we find him.”  

He walks past the main house, toward the boathouse. When he walks in he immediately sees the empty cans and knows Eddie is there. “Eddie, we don't want to hurt you. We are just here to see what happened and probably explain it too.” He gets no reply. He sees the boat with a tarp over it and knows that's where Eddie is. “I’m going to pull back this tarp and I want you to know I'm not going to hurt you. Okay? It’s me, Dustin, another one of the kids, and my best friend. You might know her from band. Robin Buckley. She has been through what we think this is related to.” He pulls back the tarp and is thrown against the wall by the man he loves with a broken bottle pressed to his throat.

“Eddie, please” He holds up his hands as do Robin, Max, and Dustin. “We just want to help. Now please for the love of fuck get that bottle away from my jugular.” He sees Eddie soften and a new kind of fear floods those big brown eyes. He puts the bottle down and collapses into Steve's ready arms. “What the fuck. How did you know where to find me?” “You told me this is where you came when you got scared. Remember telling me about coming here when you ran away?” “Oh yeah. And what’s Dustin doing here? Did you tell him?” “I didn't know if you were okay with him knowing so, no, I didn’t say anything yet. But he knows I have a key to your van so he’s going to figure it out soon.” “What did you do to my van?” “I just moved it so you couldn't see it from the road.” Steve sinks them both to the floor so he’s holding Eddie as he shakes in his arms. “Can you tell us what happened?” When Eddie nods, Steve waves the others over so they can hear. 

“Chrissy asked for ketamine, said she was going through some shit. I met her after hellfire and took her back to the trailer. I went to get it out of my room and left her in the living room. When I got back, she was… almost in a coma. I tried to wake her up. I yelled, snapped, shook her but she was just… out of it. Her eyes were almost white, like they had a film over them. Then she… just started floating. Lifted into the air. All her bones snapped and it’s like someone pushed her eyes into her skull. Then she just…stuck to my ceiling. She stayed up there for about half a minute before falling to the floor. I know you have to think I'm crazy but that’s what happened.” Eddie is fully crying now, stuck to Steve's side like glue. Steve pulls him in and pets his hair. “We don’t think you're crazy. This town is- it’s different. There’s another dimension underneath Hawkins. We call it the upside down. It’s basically DnD in real life. We have dealt with Demogorgons, Dustin accidentally adopted a dog version of one,” “It’s true. His name was Dart and he ate my cat. That’s how me and Steve became friends.” “yeah hell of a backstory right there. The fire at the mall wasn’t really a fire. This sounds even crazier than yours but me and Robs worked at Scoops Ahoy, and Dustin accidentally intercepted a secret russian code, so me, Robin and him learned russian to decipher it and found out there were russians under the mall. Sinclair's little sister snuck us into a Russian elevator which took us to their lair. Turns out the Russians had figured out a way to open a portal to the upside down and did so underneath the starcourt mall of all places. Robin and I got caught and drugged. That’s how we became friends. Apparently, the mindflayer possessed Billy Hargrove and I had to kill him , though I thought people were just tired of him being a prick, and we had to fight off the mind flayer itself with fireworks. There's nothing I don't believe anymore.” Eddie just looks up at him in disbelief. “Oh, and this girl El, short for Eleven, had superpowers and was raised in Hawkins Lab. She’s pretty cool. That’s Mike’s girlfriend. He’s actually in California right now visiting her,” Dustin adds, which does absolutely nothing to calm Eddie down. “Wait Max is that you? How the hell are you tied into this?” Eddie seems astounded that his neighbor is there. “Billy was my step brother, as you know, but when we first moved in is when Dustin found Dart, and these nerds somehow latched onto me. Me and Lucas started dating too. We broke up after everything happened. I needed time to myself.”

“Also, can I please ask what the hell is going on between you two? In what world is Steve Harrington holding Eddie Munson, running his fingers through his hair, and you aren't kicking the shit out of him. Also why the fuck does Steve have a key to your van?” Steve just nods when Eddie looks up at him, silently asking permission to tell him. Eddie takes a deep breath before starting. “Me and Steve dated for about three months back in his senior year of high school. I left all of the sudden and never asked for my stuff back so I guess he still has it. Those baggy black jeans I wear all the time are actually his. Of course I dyed them black, but they used to be light blue.” “Steve isn’t gay though, he takes girls out all the time.” Steve just sighs. “I’m bisexual. I like both.” “Oh, so like Mike. Except I don’t think he figured that out yet.” All three adults as well as Max burst out laughing. “Max, did you know? You live right next to Eddie.” “She didn’t live in the trailer park yet. We broke up right after Billy smashed that plate over my head.” “Yeah, we didn't move there until after Billy died.” 

“Eddie, you aren’t staying here. You are coming back to my house. You know as well as any that my parents won’t be there.” Steve knows that it will be awkward to stay with the man he still loves, but if he can fight interdimensional monsters, he can handle it. “Are you sure?” Eddie must feel the same as he does.

They all go to Steve's house and Robin calls the others while Dustin, Max, and Eddie try to figure out what big bad they are facing. They don’t know much, considering this is the first kill. “Do you know what was going on with chrissy? I saw her coming out of the counselor’s office yesterday.” Max inquires, wondering if they may be having similar problems. “I didn't really ask, I know she was having problems with food but it seemed like more than that. I'm a drug dealer, not a therapist. It was none of my business. I know she was spooked when she asked me at lunch. She was running from something I couldn't see. It's like she thought this one tree was out to get her. She asked me if I ever felt like I was losing my mind. At the time I thought she was just going through something and was on high alert because she was about to buy drugs but now that i think about it no one has ever acted like that. She was petrified. A squirrel ran up a tree and she scared me with how fast she whipped her head around.” Eddie was shaking again, clearly remembering her death in his search for something notable. Steve was right there to grab his shoulder and ground him. “So she was seeing things? That’s gotta be important.” Dustin noted. “Agreed. I called everybody. They should turn up soon. Mike is in California so he's out of the picture for now.” Robin states as she rounds the corner.

Nancy and another kid from the school paper go looking for answers in the trailer park under the guise of checking in on Max. The rest of the kids come to see if they can figure it out. Nancy calls an hour later, saying that Fred went missing while she was talking to Wayne. Eddie is relieved that his uncle knows he didn’t do it. Robin goes to the library with Nancy and Steve drives the kids home. When he returns he finds Eddie in his room with the shoebox full of their pictures. He doesn’t say anything, simply sitting next to Eddie on the floor, looking at all their memories. “Why did you keep these?” Eddie is teary eyed, like he can’t believe Steve would hold onto the memories from the best time in his life. “Eddie, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I was broken when you left. I went to school and came home and cried, thinking about how you looked just as broken as I was, even though you were the one who left. I tried to hate you, I really did. But every time I went to throw your shit away, I just broke down. I couldn’t throw away memories from a man I still loved.” Both of them are crying now. “Steve, I never stopped loving you. I just didn’t want to hurt you. Good things don’t just happen to me. I’m surrounded by bad things. And when I saw you get hurt for something I caused, I ran. You were a good in all the bad shit that happened and I didn't trust it. I thought that if i broke it off before it turned bad then i wouldn't hurt. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I missed you so much but I was trying to protect you from the chaos in my life. Apparently you had just as much chaos, yours just required an NDA.” Eddie is sobbing and Steve can tell he’s doing everything in his power to not crawl in his lap like he used to. “I missed you too. I never stopped loving you. I thought that if I went out with all those girls that maybe something would change but it didn’t.” Steve climbs onto the bed and opens his arms. Eddie is tackling him in a second. They are both crying into each other and trying not to get the other person's clothes wet. 

“I love you Eddie Munson, and I always will.” Eddie reaches up and threads his fingers through Steve’s hair before pulling him into a heated kiss that says more than words ever could. “Go get in the shower. I’ll be there in a second. You still smell like mildew from the boathouse.” He grabs a set of pajamas, one of Eddie's shirts, and a pair of boxers. He sets them on the counter before stripping and climbing into the shower with Eddie. “Holy shit. You got new tattoos. Lemme see.” Eddie chuckles before showing off the two he did himself and the one he had Gareth do for him. Steve washes Eddie’s hair for him and scrubs his back. “I missed this. I missed us.” “I missed us too, Eds.” 

When they get out and dry off, Eddie looks at Steve in amazement. “Are these what I wore the first night?” “They are. I still sleep in your shirts by the way. Some of them still smell like you.” “Well now you can just sleep with me again.” He knows Eddie means literal sleep, but that doesn’t stop Steve from ginning. “That’s not a bad idea.” Before Eddie has a chance to put the pajamas on, Steve picks him up bridal style and carries him to the bed. Eddie shrieks, obviously not expecting to be lifted in the air. 

Steve throws Eddie down onto the bed, already half hard simply from the prospect of getting fucked by Eddie for the first time in two years. He was always amazed by Eddie. He was amazed at how gentle he could be. Both in and outside of the bedroom. He was amazed at how caring Eddie was. He was amazed at how well Eddie could read him. He was always especially amazed at how Eddie was so gentle yet overpowering in bed. He knew what Steve needed at all times. He knew when he could be teased and when he just needed relief as soon as it could happen. He seemed to have a sixth sense for when certain things would be too much for him. He could manage to make Steve cry on his cock while still whispering the nicest things into his ear.

Eddie clambers on top of him, obviously excited to have this part of their relationship back. He bends down to lick into Steve’s mouth, starting to slowly grind their dicks together. Steve is already in heaven, breathing in the woodsy scent of Eddie while the man grinds into him and devours his mouth. “God, I missed this. Being able to smell you and taste you and feel you all at once. I missed you so much Eddie.” He’s already whimpering by the time Eddie gets a hand around him. He’s jerking him in small, slow strokes. “God, Eddie! I need you! I need to feel you inside me.” Eddie doesn't need to hear it twice. He grabs the lube and condoms from where he knows they are in Steve’s bedside drawer. He leans up to lick and bite at Steve’s neck while he rubs a lubed finger around Steve’s hole. He slowly pushes a finger in at the same time that he latches on with his teeth and sucks. As he starts moving the finger, Steve grabs him by the hair at the nape of the neck to pull him into a kiss, more teeth than anything else. Eddie isn’t even hitting his prostate yet, simply getting him ready and open.

As he slips a second finger in, Steve breaks the kiss to throw his head back in a moan. Eddie always loved how vocal Steve was in bed. He was a screamer. And a laugher. He would be cackling like he just heard the world's funniest joke as he got fucked. Eddie expected him to maybe let out a few grunts and groans at most, so he got a nice shock for his first time. He blew his load way too fast the first night they fucked. Not only was it Eddie’s first time but Steve’s noises absolutely destroyed him. He missed that. It was hard to find love as a gay man in Bum-Fuck Nowhere, Indiana, and Steve was perfect for him. He knows how to get under his skin in just the right ways. He knows what Eddie liked, from his favorite soda, his favorite comfort meals, to his favorite scene in the bedroom. He would always love Steve, and he mistook that for a bad thing way back when. He now says it as the blessing it was. He had found his person, the one he wanted to be with forever. 

Eddie is taking his sweet time with Steve. Steve would normally be happy to let Eddie go slow but it has been way too long since he has been fucked. He had only hooked up with one other guy and it was fast, bad sex in a dirty club bathroom. He missed the way Eddie did things, taking his time but making it feel like it was seconds or going fast and making steve feel like he’d been fucked for hours. “Eddie I swear to god if you don't hurry your ass up I will drag you back to that boathouse.” Steve knows it’s mean but he needed to get just how desperate he was across, plus he knows Eddie doesn't mind when he’s a little bitchy. “Anything for you princess,” Eddie mutters before sliding a third finger in, carefully avoiding Steve's prostate. He doesn't want to hit it until he's fully in Steve, making him feel good with his own cock. He goes fast with the third one until he’s confident Steve is ready. He rolls a condom on, despite Steve’s protests, and lubes himself up. He slides in slowly, already close from watching Steve under him for the first time in two years. 

“God, I missed this. Missed being in you.” Eddie admits, fully hips-to-ass with Steve now. “You can't just say shit like that.” Steve groans, hating how much those words affected him. “I can say anything I please when I have Steve Harrington clenching down on my cock. It's like a free pass.” Eddie isn’t even trying to be funny, simply trying to catch his breath with the way Steve looks and feels under him. Steve laughs, full belly laughs like he always does. It doesn't subside like it would if he was laughing at Eddie's words, but continues until it fades into moans when Eddie finally hits his prostate. 

Eddie grew to love that Steve laughed in bed. He first thought Steve was laughing at him, at how desperate he was, that it had been his first time,but when Steve explained to him that it was just a bodily reaction to sex, he started to understand. Steve was a simple man. His body felt good, so he laughed, that's all there was to it.

Steve was having the time of his life. He had the man of his dreams, the one he loved, on top of him for the first time in two years, slamming into his prostate repeatedly, and he was laughing. Laughing like he hadn't in two years. Laughing because he felt good. He loved this feeling, feeling the build in his gut and not being able to catch his breath due to laughing so hard his abs hurt. Yes, this was the happiest he felt all year. He loved Robin and kids and all the time they spent together but nothing could compare to this feeling.

“Fuck, Eddie, don't stop” Steve pants, writhing. “Wouldn’t dream of it sweetheart. Not in a million years.” Eddie means it with his chest. You couldn’t get him to stop if the world was ending, and it apparently was. “Don’t stop talking. You know I love your voice.” Steve pleaded, knowing he was going to get what he wanted, but using the tone Eddie liked anyway. “Okay baby, you want me to tell you how good you feel? How you're wrecking me with your moans and the way you look downright delicious? You want me to tell you how good you look? Because oh my Jesus, baby, you look divine. I still can’t believe I get to see you all sweaty with your head thrown back, laughing while i fuck you. You're going to ruin me. Scratch that, you already did.” At this point, Steve can't do anything but moan while Eddie talks to him. He can feel his gaze raking over his body. 

“And your noises baby, your noises, the way you say my name and scream all pretty for me, I'm not gonna last if you keep it up.” Steve finally has the power to open his eyes again, not entirely sure when they shut. “Me either, don't worry.” Eddie takes that as his cue to go faster, chasing his own pleasure. It makes Steve a little dizzy with how fast and hard he’s slamming into him. Eddie wraps a hand around him then, jerking him in time with his thrusts. “Shit!,” Steve hisses as Eddie swipes a thumb over the head, throwing his head back onto the pillow once again. “Fuck eddie, i'm close.” Steve warns, knowing by his body language, that Eddie is as well. Eddie gives a few more fast thrusts before leaning down to whisper in Steve’s ear, “Cum for me, sweetheart” Steve doesn’t really have any other choice, releasing hot, wet stripes of cum onto Eddie's hand and both of their stomachs. He feels Eddie cum in him, the condom catching it. 

“Shit. That shower was pointless,” Steve notes, noticing the mess of sweat and cum covering the both of them. “Yeah. yeah it was.” Eddie chuckles, looking between them. He slowly pulls himself out, wincing at the drag on his oversensitive dick. He ties off the condom and tosses it at the trash bin, doing a little fist pump when he makes it in. “I'll go get us a washcloth. I'm not taking another shower.” “Thanks baby. I don't think I could stand long enough for another shower anyway.” Eddie plants a kiss on Steve’s lips before walking to the bathroom to get a washcloth to clean them. “Do you want the pajamas or are you sleeping naked? Im sleeping naked,” Eddie yells as he wets the rag. “Sleeping naked, you know I sweat, and you're an octopus.” “guilty as charged.” Eddie starts cleaning them, placing gentle kisses on all the bite marks he left. “Let me throw this in the laundry basket then it’s time for cuddles.” 

He slides into his side of the bed, latching onto Steve and resting his head on his chest. “You know, the first time that I heard Dustin mention your name I dropped my dice. I just froze up. I was trying to clean up and he was talking to Lucas and Mike about you picking them up.” Eddie admitted. “I felt my stomach drop when they said you invited them into Hellfire. I spiraled. I thought you would tell them about us. I felt like I was going to shit myself when they tried to start getting us to hang out. I just pretended like I only knew you from your reputation.” Steve tells him, chuckling at the memory. “God I was dying inside when they started pestering me to hang out with you. I had to act like I was disgusted by your stupid polos instead of unnaturally attracted to them.” Eddie laughs. “I wish I could have seen that. I’ve already seen one tangent about my polos but that was just how much you wanted to fuck me about them. I want to see the one where you pretend to hate them now.” Steve remembers the tangent vividly, where Eddie saw him in shirt that was tight against his arms and immediately started ranting about how hot he looked and how Eddie hated that he was attracted to a stereotypical jock who was literally named Steve, and wanted to fuck him stupid in his polos, after he had prided himself in being a metalhead for so long. It was ridiculous. And Steve let him later that week.

“Anyway, as much as i want to stay up and talk to you, i had a girl die on my ceiling, was on the run, had the love of my life tell me monsters were real, and had one of the best orgasms of my life, all in 24 hours, so if you don’t mind i'm going to sleep. Love you Stevie.” “Love you Eddie.”

~~~~~

“Hey Nance?” Steve figures it's about time she knew. “Yeah steve?” She's still caught up trying to figure out a plan. “I need to tell you something, and I need you not to get mad.” Nacy sighs at that, finally turning to face him. “What?” “You know how we broke up at a party at my place?” Steve went into this without a plan, so he’s making this up as he goes. “Yeah. what about it?” “Eddie was at that party. He was dealing. After we broke up I went to buy off him and invited him to come smoke with me.” Steve pauses, and Nancy takes that as her cue to speak. 

“Okay? So you smoked with Eddie that night? Why would I be mad?” “We didn't just smoke. He was asking about what happened and about us, and it somehow slipped that I was bisexual. I asked him out that night. I got with Eddie the night we broke up. He broke up with me after Billy smashed my head in. We got back together last night. I thought you should know.” Nancy looks taken aback. “I’m glad you trust me with this. I'm happy for you guys. I will say that it surprises me that you got with him that same night, but I did cheat on you, so I can't really say much.” Steve winces at the reminder, Nancy told him that she cheated almost as soon as they were civil again, but that didn't stop it from hurting.

“Thanks for being so understanding. I just didn't want you to freak out about us being together and me not telling you.” Steve knew that Nancy wouldn’t be mad, didn’t really have any right to after what she did. “I would never be mad. I might have been a little confused since I thought you were, like, super straight. And slightly worried that Eddie was making you uncomfortable, but never mad.”

~~~~~

There they are, padding into the place Patrick got killed like the idiots they are, acting like they don't know they are going to die. The kids are on the bank, Steve couldn't live with himself if one of them got killed while he sat back and watched. He didn't really want Eddie to be there, but he was stubborn and wouldn't let Steve go alone. 

“Woah, woah, woah, woah, slow down. Slow down guys” Nancy screeches, staring at the compass in her hand, it's spinning in circles, like it can’t tell which way to point. Robin and Eddie stop the boat, and everyone turns to look. “Woah” Steve knows what that means.

“Wait, wait, wait, they’re stopping, what are they stopping for?” Lucas has the binoculars, watching the adults to alert the others if something goes awry. Dustin picks up his walkie. “Guys, what's going on? C’mon guys, talk to me. What's going on?”

“Uh, Dustin, your compass has gone from wonky to wonky with a capital ‘aah’” Steve knows what's going on. He gets prepared to jump in and dive down. “Steve, what are you doing?” Nacy sounds confused, but Steve knows she's smart enough to know what the compass means. “Somebody’s gotta go down and check this out. Unless one of you three can top being a Hawkins High swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years, then it's gotta be me. No complaints, all right?” “Well that describes you and I can definitely top you. And I'm definitely complaining. You aren't going without knowing what's down there.” Eddie can’t help being raunchy in even the worst situations, but Steve set himself up for that one. “Gross. I'm happy for you, especially Steve, since he's my platonic soulmate, but gross. I don't need to know that.” Eddie just smirks as he empties the bag and puts the flashlight inside. 

“Ugh. when’d Steve get so hairy?” “Right? I keep telling him he needs to tame that jungle, but he claims the ladies dig it, and now apparently Eddie, which is frankly fucking gross to think about.” Both boys hear Max walk up. “Let me see.” Dustin thinks she is going to inspect the situation at hand, not check out their babysitter. “Gross. He's like my brother. Stop.” Max just shekels and continues watching them.

Eddie hands the wrapped flashlight to Steve, with a few words of encouragement. “Hey. I love you. Good luck.” Steve mutters his thanks before tossing his shirt to Eddie. “Slut” Eddie can't help but tease him at the obvious move as he lights his cigarette. “Gross,” Robin says, looking between the two men, “and gross.” She says again, plucking the cigarette from Eddie's lips. Steve chuckles and with that, dives into what he's sure will be his death.

Steve finds a pile of fish bones, picked absolutely clean. He turns to see a red pulsing light, which means he's found the gate.

“Where are we at wheeler?” Robin asks, starting to get concerned. “Closing in on a minute.” “okay.” This was definitely not okay if you asked Eddie.

Steve swims close to the gate, inspecting it before swimming back to the surface. He scares everyone when he breaks the surface. “I found it.” “you found it?” “yeah i found it.” Steve swims closer to the boat, grabbing onto the side so he doesn't have to tread the water. Robin picks up the walkie. “Dustin, you are a goddamn einstein. Steve found the gate.” they don't get a reply. “It's pretty wild. It's more a snack-size gate than a mama gate, but still, it's pretty damn big.” Steve gets dragged under. Something slimy is around his ankle and pulling him down. “Steve!” “Baby! What the hell was that man!” “Nancy, really what happened?” “Jesus.”

Steve gets dragged to the bottom of the lake before being thrown onto the ground in the Upside down version of the lake, which is apparently devoid of water. He is being dragged by his ankle to where whatever creature has him, wants him to be.

Nancy is the first to act. She prepares to jump in after him. “Are you sure you want to go in there?” “Yes. I know what I'm doing. I've been in the upside down before. Just wait here.” she jumps in. There is no way in hell Eddie is going to sit in a janky ass boat while the love of his life is possibly getting killed. “Goddamn it!” He sees Robin slowly climb onto the edge of the boat as he’s gathering the courage to jump in. “Nonnonono, what are you doing? She said wait.” “yeah i heard her” “she's in charge” “are you kidding me? I made that shit up. I don't know how I feel about you yet. But Steve loves you. So I suggest you follow me. For steve. And because we just saw the kids run from the cops and you are wanted for murder. But mostly for Steve.” She promptly rolls backwards into the water before Eddie can respond. Eddie can't argue with that. He was already going to jump in but getting on his boyfriend’s platonic soulmate’s good graces. 

Eddie couldn't help but throw a tantrum. He felt it was well deserved after everything he’s gone through with all this Vecna shit. “God dang lying son of a betch! Oh, this is so stupid. This is so stupid. This is so stupid. SHITSHITSHIT!” The water is shockingly warm when it hits his face. The lake water stings his eyes as he looks for something that might be a gate to an alternate dimension. When he sees something glowing red and pulsing, he knows hes found what he's looking for. He sticks a hand through, and manages to worm his body through the gate, which feels nasty to his skin.

~~~~~

Steve is on a pile of vines, slimy, what he is pretty sure are sentient, vines. He stands to see the telltale red lighting that haunts his nightmares. He's in the upside down. He hears a shriek and whips his head around to see something flying at him. As he turns, hearing more screeches, he finds there is an incomprehensible amount coming toward him. He runs toward the boat on the dried out lake, grabbing an oar as his only weapon. If only he still had that damn nail bat. 

One catches him by the neck, pulling him to the ground and struggling to pull it’s tail away from his windpipe so he can get some air. He doesn't realize another has come his way until he feels the pain of it sinking its teeth into the meat of his side. Another swoops in to take a chunk out of his other side. Fucking hell, of course this would happen to him. Just when he thought things were looking up, or as up as they could be in a town with another dimension under it full of creatures that would make any normal man shit his pants, that happens to have an evil wizard that is currently targeting one of the kids we babysits. Of course, he is choking and being eaten alive in a hell dimension while the three people he's loved most sit on a boat above him.

Just as he thinks it, someone sends one of the bats on his side flying. He looks up to see all three of them standing there, two with oars in hand, the other with the flashlight. Nancy is panting above him, still reeling from the swing. “Hey there” she says, before knocking off another. ‘God, she's a badass’ is the only thing he can think while robin stops on the one around his throat as Nancy bashes it. Eddie is knocking one out like a baseball, and Steve deliriously thinks it's kind of hot. When the girls have to let go to get the one that has attacked nancy, he gets the one that had this throat. He bites into it, stunning it so he can stand and repeatedly throw his whole body into smashing it into the ground. He steps on it, ripping it apart with his hands and feet. He spits the chunk of demobat out of his mouth and tries to catch his breath. 

Nancy runs over to him, yelling his name, but his eyes are on Eddie. “Jesus christ. Jesus H. Christ!” he screams as he throws his oar down. Steve is definitely going to check on him in a minute but Nancy is currently trying to do the same to him. “Are you alright?” “Well, they took about a pound of flesh, but other than that, yeah, never better.” He's still breathless so it doesn’t come out the sarcastic way he wants. He just sounds pathetic.

He has to listen to Robin freak out about the possibility of rabies before he can properly check on eddie. Then, a swarm of more bats are coming at them and they are running for the woods. They are hiding under skull rock when he finally gets time to ask. “Eddie? Are you okay? That was a hell of a time for your first time in the Upside Down.” “Yeah, Stevie, I'm okay. Worry about yourself. You just got gnawed on like a chew toy.” Stve laughs at the description. “Okay, baby, ill worry about me.” he stands up, immediately almost fainting. Nancy is running to his again, always the thinker. “I’m fine. I'm fine.” “No you're not. You're losing blood. C’mon sit. Alright.”

He hits the ground with enough force to feel it hurt. Robin talks to him while Nancy rips her clothes enough to have a good bandage. It helps, having her usual chatter while he’s panicking. It stings when the fabric touches the wounds, but he knows it has to be done. 

“So uh, this place is like hawkins, bit with monsters and nasty shit?” They all look toward Eddie, who has managed to climb a rock and stand on it. Steve thinks he looks a bit like a wet, scared poodle. “Pretty much” Nancy mutters as she hoists him to his feet. Just as they are joking about the fact that Nancy almost shot Steve, which he’s sure Eddie will ask about later, he gets a wad of denim chucked at him. “For your modesty, stevie.” Eddie says with a slight smirk. Stev unravels the denim to find Eddie's vest, which he had previously been banned from wearing. He feels almost honored as he slides it on.

“That was a real ozzy move you pulled back there sweetheart.” “ozzy?” Steve knew that he should probably know the name, it sounds familiar. “Ozzy Ozbourne? Black Sabbath? Bit a bat's head off on stage” “Oh yeah. I forget who he was for a second.” “I'm wounded stevie. Wounded. But seriously, very metal.” “thanks Eds. and thanks for the jacket. I know you guard this thing with your life.” “I couldn't have you walking around shirtless. Would have been checking you out the whole time. Need to have focus so I can get us out of here. But I'm starting to think the vest was a bad idea. I like you in my clothes a little too much.” “Keep it in your pants Munson.”

They talk the whole way to Nancy's house. Mostly just Eddie asking questions about the upside down. Steve answers them the best he knows how. They really have just been running in blind the last four years, so he has no clue about most of it. He explains in better detail about the other encounters and more about El, not that he really knows what went on in that lab. El can;t even remember it properly, the doctors said it was likely some sort of trauma response.

 “Dude, you look like a poodle. A sad, wet, scared poodle. And I kind of want to kiss you about it. But, I currently have left over demobat blood in my mouth, and I don't exactly want to make you taste that.” “I'm not interested in tasting that. And I don't look like a poodle.” “You look like a poodle.” Eddie huffs. “Am I at least a cute poodle?” “the cutest” “thank you stevie.” Now Steve really wanted to kiss him with the way he was smiling at Steve like he was the happiest man in the world despite the fact they were trudging in a hellish version of their town, to go get guns to defend themselves from the monsters that lie within said hell. 

~~~~~

Steve was participating in a grand theft auto while he was trying to stop the town from hunting the man he loved and an evil mind wizard from another dimension from killing one of the kids he has pseudo-adopted. What was his life? He was on his way to a store called the warzone to buy weapons they would use to kill said evil mind wizard and save their town. What was his life? 

“While we are stuck in here and finally have all of us together, Vecna songs, list them. They might be useful. We already know mine.” Max speaks up about 5 minutes into the drive. “Dustin?” “Never Ending Story” “Lucas?” “Hotel California by the Eagles” “Erica?” “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper” “Robin?” “Rebel Rebel by Bowie” “Nance?” “Material Girl by Madonna” “Eddie?” “Iron Man by Black Sabbath” “Steve?” “Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears”  “Okay. If you have them on tape, keep them nearby. I've obviously been carrying my walkman around.” “I can't get back to my trailer unless we go through the gate, so that's gonna be kind of hard. As much as I hate to admit it, you could probably use Stevie's song on me. It's a guilty pleasure.” 

Dustin burst out laughing, the mental image of Eddie singing along to Tears for Fears making him double over. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Get your giggles out.'' The laughter subsides and Dustin starts apologizing. “I’m sorry, I'm so sorry, it's just I had a very vivid image of you belting out the lyrics in your van, wearing a Dio shirt and singing to Tears for Fears. It was awful.” “I know! I hate that I love it.” They are all laughing now, some at Eddie's words and others the prospect of him singing along to a pop song. Steve is just grinning ear to ear, knowing Eddie doesn't mind pop all that much, just pretends to hate it in front of other people to keep up his reputation.

Eddie will later tell Steve that he is the reason he loves that song, that he could just imagine him singing along and whipping his hair along to the beat when he heard it on the radio. He really was gone for him. 

~~~~~

“Don’t try to be cute, or be a hero or something. Okay? You guys are just-” “decoys. Don't worry, you can be the hero steve.” “Absolutely. I mean look at us. We are not heroes” “Speak for yourself. I saved Steve's ass from getting tortured by russians.” “Alright Henderson, enough.” Dustin throws his hands up in surrender. Steve starts to walk away but Eddie gets his attention first. “Hey Steve,” Eddie walks over and plants a forceful kiss to his lips before pulling back, hands still on the back of his head, “make him pay” “yeah. I'll do that," Steve says intelligently. Eddie just laughs and smacks his ass as he shoos him away.

Steve hears the opening notes to some song, Master of Puppets he thinks is what Eddie said it was called. It honestly sounds badass. “Okay, it's working. Let's go.”

Trying not to step on the vines proves to be a lot harder of a task then they originally planned for. The vines are everywhere in the creel house. You can barely take a step without notifying Vecna, but they manage until the house shakes, when they most definitely step on some vines in order not to fall down the stairs. That proves obvious when one wraps around Robin's legs and pulls her until she's flush with the wall, hands useless. They take his axe next, then manage to get him up a wall, choking him once again. What is it with these creatures and his oxygen supply? They take Nancy last, pinning her diagonal on the wall. “This is how I die,” Steve thinks, “pinned against a wall by an evil mind wizard”

The vines let them go, seemingly randomly, robin says it's a miracle, but deep down steve knows someone did something to make that happen. He just hopes that reason didn't kill anyone. 

They find Vecna, in somewhat of his own trance. They light the bitch up, shoot him, and throw him out a window. That should be enough to at least save max, and hopefully kill him. When they are at the door, the clock times. One, two, three, four chimes. Four kills. Shit, they have to get to max. All of the sudden the town is splitting damn near in half, just like Nancy said Vecna showed her.

~~~~~

They race back to Eddie’s trailer, only to find Eddie's shield blocking them from entering. They yell, hoping the other two are there to let them back through. There are dozens of dead demobats on the ground, which is what Steve assumes they were blocking. They uncover the entrance and throw the rope back down, letting them crawl through the ceiling back to the Rightside Up. Eddie instantly tackles Steve in a bone crushing hug, then Dustin does as Eddie high fives Nancy and Robin. Dustin goes on to hug the other two. “We did it! Now hurry, we have to go check on Max.” Robin shouts, already rushing out the door to climb into the winnebago. 

They drive across town as fast as they can, rushing up the stairs to find Jason Carver split in half, and Lucas holding a limp Max. “Holy shit! Is she okay? Is she breathing?” Steve kicks into mother mode, running over to help pick Max up. “No! Jason came in and he had a gun! I couldn’t get to her in time to turn the music on.” “It’s okay, she's gonna be okay. Did someone already call for help?” “Erica did but I don't know how long it will take.” “Radio to her. Tell her if she hasn’t already gotten help then to just wait at the hospital for us to meet her.” “Eddie, help me carry her down the stairs, her limbs are broken so be gentle with her. We are gonna drive her to the hospital.” 

They drive as fast as they can, and when they get there the hospital is packed. They rush in with Max in arms, and she is instantly taken back. They wait for almost two hours before someone comes out to tell them that she is breathing again, but she's hooked up to monitors in a coma. They don't know when she will wake, if she does. Lucas and Erica stay at the hospital, going in to sit with Max after calling home to tell their parents where they are. Everyone else gets dropped off at home before Steve and Eddie go back to Steve's house. 

They take a shower before crowding back into Steve's actual car and going back over to the Wheeler’s. Steve manages to let Karen allow Eddie inside, promising they would explain. Fuck those NDA’s these people deserve to know the truth. They go to talk to Nancy, and she agrees that her parents should know, but not to mention anything to Holly. “So, this is going to sound crazy, like we should be locked in penhurst type crazy, but I swear it's the truth. We have all seen it and been through it. Mike and the rest of the kids too.” They describe everything, from Will disappearing, Dart, the “fire” at the mall, to Vecna and the town splitting. Karen believes them while Ted seems more skeptical. “I know how crazy it sounds, but trust us, it's real. It’s all so very real. I think we killed it for good this time. I think it’s really over, now we just have to work on clearing Eddie’s name so he can be seen in public again. He’s staying at my place for the time being.” they don’t let it slip that they are dating, not wanting to give the Wheelers anymore shocking news for one night. 

They stay at the wheelers that night, not wanting to be too far apart if something else strikes. Robin calls and they pick her up later on, it turns out her parents are hightailing it out of Hawkins for a little while and she wants to stay. They let her, understanding she wants to be with her friends, but make her promise to call everyday until they are back.

~~~~~

They are packing up some stuff to give to the shelter when they roll in. out of some yellow pizza van, spill Mike, Will, El, Jonathan, and some guy with the longest hair Steve has ever seen. Mike runs to Karen, Jonathan runs to Nancy. El and Will run to Dustin. They bring everyone inside so they can meet/say hi to Eddie. He still can’t go outside but he 

Everybody has their share of reuniting before Jonathan drives them all to go see Max in the hospital and say hi to Lucas.  

~~~~~

Dustin spots Wayne as he is putting up missing persons posters, and asks him to talk. Wayne seems skeptical at first, rightfully so with everyone and their mother hunting Eddie at the moment. “I know where Eddie is. Please just let me bring you to him.” Wayne drives them both to Steve's house, letting Dustin explain on the way. 

“I know Eddie is innocent. And I'm going to tell you this before I have to sign another stupid NDA” Wayne cuts him off before he can start explaining the upside down, “Another? Aren't you like 14, boy? How many have you signed?” “Three so far, about to be four when the government people figure out who we are. So there is an alternate dimension under Hawkins that holds monsters and a bunch of ugly shit. One of those monsters killed Chrissy while she was at your place. Eddie got scared and ran and we picked him up and brought him here because one of us knew where he was. I'll let eddie explain the rest to you, i don't know how much he tells you.” “I know that he and Harringotn were dating about two years ago. I assume he’s the one that found him? And I also assume since he’s still here that Steve was just as heartbroken as Eddie was?” “Yes sir, steve found him, i didn't even know they were dating until after we had found him so i don't know much but yes, they are back together.” 

They pull in just after that, dustin racing to knock the pattern they had come up with to make sure it was one of the safe people, before unlocking the door with the spare key. “Eddie! Come down here!” Eddie walks slowly to the top of the stairs before he spots Wayne, and immediately barrels down the stairs and plows into him. “I’ll leave you two alone for a second. Do you guys want anything from the kitchen?” “Will you grab two beers from the fridge? We will come sit at the table with you in a second.” “got it.” 

“I thought you were gone. I thought someone had got you. Don’t scare me like that again.” Wayne is crying into Eddie’s hair, holding him in a death grip. “I’m sorry wayne. I'm so sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you I was okay. You couldn't have been at the trailer and I couldn't exactly go walking the streets. Me and Dustin will tell you everything. I can even call the others and let you meet the people who saved my life.” Eddie is crying too, grabbing at the back of Wayne's shirt like a scared kid. That's what he is really, he may be an adult but he's still young and scared and crying to his uncle. “I’d like that very much. The kid told me you and Steve are back together?” “Yeah, I got him back. I really got him. And I'm not letting go this time.” “Good. I was getting tired of your moping.” “Now you just have to hear me talk about him nonstop again” “That's better than watching mope around like a widowed wife” “Shut up, now let's go explain what we can and ill call around to get everyone here.” 

It takes a little while to figure out where everyone is and for them to get a ride over, but eventually the whole gang is rounded up, even the ones who were in california. In total it only takes about fifteen minutes for everyone to get there, all crowded into Steve’s living room. It turns out that Will's mom and Jim hopper were back, and that the chief of police apparently wasn't dead and knew about everything. They all told their stories, and Wayne listened, taking in the information. “I knew this town was cursed. I just didn’t know how bad.” he said finally, when all four stories had been told. “It’s over. I've always been able to feel a connection. It's gone now. Vecna is dead.” Will confirms, touching the back of his neck. “It’s really over.” steve murmurs, not believing it quite yet.

~~~~~ 

Max wakes up a month later. She will have lasting effects. She'll have to relearn how to walk, and she’s permanently blind. Everyone is just happy she is alive. Everyone throws her a party in the Harrington house when she leaves the hospital. Hopper clears Eddie's name for good, yet that doesn't stop the people around town from harassing him and giving him looks. The government gives everyone hush money and makes them sign another round of NDA’s. They give Eddie and Wayne a new trailer, one that has a bedroom for each of them. Robin's parents come back after a week, making good on their promise to call each day. The Byers move back for good, and Joyce and Hopper finally get together. Argyle drives back to California, Jonathan going with him to get the last of their stuff from Lenora before flying back to Hawkins. The gates close on their own a few days after the whole fiasco, the upside down gone for good.

[masterqwertster]

Hurt/comfort prompts - # 17 or 31 for Ashton. He cares so much now about his found family. Bells Hells needs to be there for him the same way when shit hits the fan.

So I already did Ashton for 31 here in the C2 Class Swap AU. So I'm going to skip on repeating that one. I'll do 17 and set this one in the C1 Class Swap AU, just because I can. 17 "You don't have to be alone anymore."

"You know, we have a whole group of friends back there who are, by and large, willing to hear and help with your problems," Laudna offers, having shifted from the rangy wolf that tracked him down back to human. "You don't have to be alone anymore."

Ashton snorts.

"I'm never alone. I've got Me, Myself, and I." And they bamf out one of their star-strewn clones to prove their point. Ironically, the one to appear is the non-genasi one in Hishari leathers. The true Ashton scowls at the version of them that isn't.

"That's only three names. You've got four versions," Laudna patiently points out.

It's clear she's going to have to work at getting Ashton to open up about what's wrong. Though she can guess. That fucking museum had real deal Hishari leathers in it, and they obviously mean more to Ashton than being a style on one of their clones. He did steal the helmet after all.

"This fucker's grzgkgh," the 'name' coming out in a sharp, stony clatter that Laudna presumes is some variation of self pronoun in Primordial.

"Right. Well, I'm sure they're all good listeners, but it doesn't hurt to need someone who can talk back. You have us, if you want," she presses, fingers toying with one of the mushrooms on her staff.

"What's there to fucking talk about?" Ashton harshly questions.

Laudna gives a little shrug, trying for innocence. "I think you know why grz-" She's cut off with a hacking cough. "You know what? I can't pronounce that name. That one," she points to the Hishari dressed clone. "I think you know why that one looks the way it does and you're... freaking out? disturbed? ...unsettled. Yes, unsettled to find the actual outfit in a museum. What the fuck is up with that?"

Ashton lets out a heavy sigh, head thunking back against the tree he's sitting pressed up against.

"I told y'all before that 'that one' still made sense to me because I was soft once," they slowly explain.

Laudna silently nods, encouraging them to continue.

"It's- I knew this had to be however warriors dressed in wherever I came from originally. I mean, I'm pretty sure if things hadn't- Well, I'd probably still be there instead of ending up in Greymoore and shit. But I don't- I don't remember a lot about back then. Not clearly. Fuck, this fucker's basically the clearest memory I have of that place. And they're not even a real memory. Just the fucking echo of what could have been," Ashton haltingly lays out.

"And then we got a name, a bit of history, in the museum," Laudna gently offers.

"Yeah," Ashton morosely agrees. "Yeah. Apparent-fucking-ly, I was born into a fucking cult. Isn't that nice to know?" He gives a toothy grin that's more sarcastic than anything.

Laudna eyes Ashton, trying to find his angle, the point he is hung up-

"You want to know about where you're from," she says, no question present.

They look sharply away. "Is that wrong, when it was a fucking cult?"

"No, not at all," Laudna says softly, gently. "If I didn't have to go through Delilah herself or someone just as terrible, I'd certainly want to know why I'm alive like I am. Undeath is generally considered unnatural, yet here I am, a druid. If I thought I could get answers without horrible risk, I would try."

Ashton watches her, her sincerity. Weighs it.

"...Thanks, I guess. For listening, and talking back. You... you are better than Me, Myself, and I, and grzgkgh," they settle on, something softer in their eyes.

"I would hope so. Because I'll tell you a little secret: Paté is wonderful, but talking with Imogen was definitely a step up," she whispers into his ear.

And Ashton's laughter echoes through the swampy night, bringing a smile to Laudna's face as well.

[melancholiaenthroned]

BERNARD for the ask game >:)

HELPPP ok

first impression: ok i got into comics right around the time tim came out so my first impression was very much the general publics of "robin has a boyfriend!" i read the urban legends story about that first and thought it was fine! i liked it well enough. then bc it mentioned that bernard was a friend was high school i went back and read his original appearences and idk i just loved him... he was silly and he was posturing and nobody really liked him except tim LOL. his friendship and crush on darla was also rlly rlly sweet and i got rlly attached to the trio of them. i also rlly liked his og design w the longer hair and sunglasses. i thought the conspiracy theorist thing was rlly fun esp w how close hed get to the truth and tim would have to be like "what ur so crazy hahaha where would batman get MULTIPLE robins".

impression now: im gonna be honest my peak bernard phase was before tim drake robin started when i was really really excited to see more of this character id gotten attached to... erm. in a post tdr world ive kind of distanced myself from him bc he feels like an entirely different guy. which is fine! presumably hes aged and i wouldnt want to live like my high school self forever. that being said, the ways that he is the same feel a bit like a parody now. his conspiracies r way more outlandish and supernaturally based than they used to be, and they way theyve kind of written it so seems like he knew he was gay/bi back in highschool which doesnt rlly read as true to me having read those highschool appearances. hes just tims boyfriend, who knew he was gay before tim did and was just kind of waiting for him, i guess. i do like the chaos cult, i like that in the unspecified time away from tim his life was like. completely fucked. but now that tim is there it feels like hes just been flattened back out. the last few issues of tdr actually started focusing more on his issues specifically w his parents and the cult but. you know. cancelled.

favorite moment: he was so so scared to talk to darla he was like "losers like us cant talk to cool girls like her tim... shes friends with jocks" and then tim goes up to her and the jocks are all nice and polite normal guys and darlas like yeah u guys seem fun. and its just like. he was completely overreacting. like so much for his claims of being a social chameleon 😭 and then next issue darlas just a part of their group and theyre acting like theyve been best friends forever. i think for as much as he pretends to be like. a cool guy who doesnt care that he has no friends. its a rlly nice moment of showing that hes actually really anxious and self conscious and he wishes he could reach out to people but once he has the opportunity he latches on to ppl and doesnt let go. and i also rlly like when darla comes back and he finds out she has powers and his first reaction is like. my life sucks so bad can i come and be ur sidekick. like man:-( he was funny for it though! shoot ur shot

idea for a story: ok this is for a hypothetical "possible in comics" story and not like. a fic. so its not super bernard focused BUT they need to bring darla back now im not joking anymore where is she. idk what the status of shadowpact is post rebirth i dont think it exists anymore? but whatever. tim gets a case that leads him back to louis grieve where we can get a recap for ppl who didnt read or dont remember what happened back then. he can be like heres where i met bernard^_^ also the horrors. anyway the case has smth to do w the mob&darlas family and so he manages to get in contact w her and obviously shes like. i have no connection to that life anymore im not helping and i dont want to remember this. but reluctant team up👍 anyway bernard plays into this bc i think tim keeps it from him whats going on in the case bc he doesnt know that bernard was actually the first to know when darla came back and he doesnt want to upset him by bringing up old memories bc they Never talk about the shooting. and laura obviously isnt telling bernard bc she has no idea he and tim r dating so hes kept completely out of the loop and tim and darla/laura r NOT getting along. he keeps calling her darla and hes whinier than she remembers and theyre getting nowhere in the case bc they dont work very well together. i would also rlly want an issue where it goes over how each of them experienced the day of the shooting and there r small differences in each one to highlight how time has warped their memories and how theyre all a little unreliable. and each of them would be done by different artists 👍 anyway eventually bernard stumbles upon the case and hes pissed off at tim for keeping from him "darla was my friend too" you know. and smth he remembers about that day but the others dont (too caught up in the gang war/being robin) helps solve the case^_^ and hes able to help tim and laura get along again and they part on good terms w bernard and laura staying in touch. and at some point while he and tim r fighting he confronts tim for fucking off after the shooting and not reaching out to bernard until years later, and how bernard was completely left alone after one his best friends died and the other immediately moved away.

unpopular opinion: whyyyy does he want to be a chef its stupid sorry. emt or nurse bernard is the most important thing in the world to me i have no idea why they chose "chef" for his career path but it annoys me to no end. its another thing that just feels flat about his new character. like even if instead of being motivated by his history with unable to save darla from the shooting+the cult he was scared of wounds and violence and avoided it... why chef? idk itd be fun if he wanted to be like a radio host or smth that actually fit his personality. i think money should also be a bigger motivater for him bc he always read as like. upper middle class new money to me whos parents cut him off when he came out. like maybe if they showed him working as a line cook or an actual job i could understand him growing a passion for it but hes just like. a rich foodie. like what.

favorite relationship: he and tim i guess LOL who else does he have. him and darla for friendship and also i think it wouldve been cute if they had dated for a bit in highschool<3

favorite headcanon: i think he should be angrier at tim. for missing dates, for not telling him hes robin, for everything. hes too nice. or if theyre set on the nice thing i think it should be framed as him being a bit of a people pleaser/pushover post cult bc hes scared of tim leaving him and either way tim should have to address being kind of a shitty boyfriend. a nicer one is i think duke would be his favorite of tims siblings:-) hes not weird to bernard like i think the others would kind of be (shovel talk from dick would make me kms) and bernard never had any siblings so he kind of treats duke like a younger brother and tries to like, help duke with his homework, despite the fact that duke is definitely doing better in school than bernard did. i dont know if duke like. likes bernard but hell actually respond to his attempts at bonding unlike damian who has him blocked.

[hauntedsideofthemoon]

BROKEN HEART OF GOLD - chapter 5; we'll be talking 'bout tonight

AO3 link

pairing: chishiya x gn!reader

format: gender-neutral original character/self-insert, they/them pronouns are used when necessary, no use of y/n or "___", feel free to picture the character however you wish!

tags: canon-typical violence, slow burn, ocs as side characters, mentions/depictions of mental health issues

word count: 2735

________________________________________________________

Saying the Beach was big would have been an understatement. This place was insane . Kuina showed me around, with the final part of her ‘tour’ being the external area with the pool and bar. It was crowded with people having fun in many ways, it looked nothing like the apocalyptical chaos I had been in the days before. 

'Everyone here looks a bit too happy considering the cruel games that we are forced to participate in… But I guess it’s their attempt to escape reality for a moment.'

Kuina and I sat on the edge of the pool and chatted for hours. She told me about her first days in this destroyed ‘version’ of Tokyo, and that she has been fighting to survive and return to her mother who had been extremely sick for months. I could see how kind and warm Kuina was, she felt like a great person to have around.

When the sun began to set, most of the people around us headed toward the main lobby. Kuina told me it was ‘time for games’ and that she needed to go as well since her visa was due to expire tomorrow.

Following her inside, the lobby was crowded with people cheering for Hatter, who was leaning over the balcony on the upper floor. He was giving a pretty weird speech – some words of encouragement for people that would risk their lives to help others leave this world – and soon everyone was back to screaming in excitement while they formed groups to play games.

‘Just now he kinda sounded like a cult leader, and everyone seems to have fallen for it so easily.’

‘Yeah, it’s pretty awkward, to be honest.’ Kuina was holding a piece of paper with some numbers written on it, ‘I need to change my clothes before I can meet up with my group, so I must leave now. Take care of yourself!’ She gave me a quick hug and walked away. Shortly after, Chishiya showed up from behind a pillar.

‘A cult leader, huh?’ He chuckled.

‘Were you eavesdropping on us?’

‘Not on purpose, no, I just happened to be passing by.’

Chishiya had a faint grin on his face that made me doubt his words. I didn’t know what kind of relationship he had with Kuina, but he still came off as a little suspicious to me. There was a moment of silence between us before I tried to start a conversation with him.

‘You’re not playing any games tonight either?’

‘I’m not. Still got many days on my visa.’

‘So what are you up to here?’

‘Just observing everyone. I’m fairly sure a portion of those people won’t return tonight.’ He finished his sentence with a snicker, then turned to face me. ‘And you?’

‘I was just following Kuina. I hope they won’t call me for a game anytime soon, I would like to enjoy most of my visa days in peace.’

‘So they haven’t made your trial arrangements yet?’ Chishiya raised an eyebrow at me and I tilted my head in confusion. ‘I guess not,’ he sighed, ‘but they are going to call you in for a trial soon.’

‘What’s that?’

‘It’s when you have to play a game along with an executive member. They will monitor you and determine if you can be useful to them.’

Oh, I was not liking what I was hearing. ‘And what would happen if I’m not approved?’

Chishiya didn’t answer, he only stared at me with a mischievous look in his eyes as a small smirk formed on his lips.

‘So, basically, I guess I’ll die if I’m not good enough?’

He chuckled at my words, and another moment of silence began. I didn’t feel like keeping a conversation, so I made my way to the cafeteria, feeling his gaze observing me while I walked away.

Pacing around the indoor area while eating some pudding, I overheard some commotion in the distance. A group of men holding guns passed by me, chitchatting and laughing among themselves as they walked over to another man standing still, with a machine gun over his shoulder. When they got close, the man with the machine gun yelled at the group, asking what the hell took them so long.

‘You all know what happens if you disobey my orders.’ I couldn’t see his face, but when he hunched over them saying those words I could feel his intimidating vibe from far away. The group walked away, leaving him there. He turned his head and locked eyes with me with a creepy gaze.

‘What are you looking at, huh?’

His words sent a shiver down my spine, ‘Nothing! Nothing, really.’ I forced a smile and quickly tried to leave, when he called over, making me stop in my tracks.

‘Oi, where do you think you’re going?’

‘To… the patio? I wanna eat my pudding outside.’ 

‘You can’t go over there now,’ his footsteps slowly made their way in my direction. Stopping right in front of me, he raised my chin with the barrel of his gun making me look up at him, ‘There’s nothing interesting for someone like you on the patio at this hour.’ He looked into my eyes for a few seconds, sneering, until he finally let go of my face and left.

----------

The following days at the Beach were a lot better than the first. I spent most of my time with Kuina – I had told her about my encounter with the weird machine gun guy, whom she said was named Niragi, and that I should avoid crossing paths with him as much as I could.

During the night, Ann called me over to the medical room to change the dressing on my injury; She said the infection didn't show signs of spreading, and I would have to keep the stitches for at least a week.

'By the way, has anyone told you about your game trial yet?'

‘Uh… Chishiya mentioned it but he didn’t explain much.’

'The trials are set for the new members who have potential in Hatter's eyes. Players are taken to participate in games with an executive member supervising them, and we make a report about their performance. Usually, those happen within the first days of someone's stay at the Beach, however, during our last executive meeting, I requested that they postpone your trial because of your injury, but...'

Her face now showed a low-key disappointed expression, and she continued, 'I wanted to arrange your trial with me next week, but Hatter informed me another executive already set you up for tomorrow, though he didn’t tell me who did it.’

My blood ran cold at her words. I would have to participate in a game tomorrow already. And I had a terrible feeling about that.

Ann escorted me to the exit doors saying she hoped my game wouldn't be physically strenuous, and that I should be careful with my wound nonetheless since she would also be out for a game tomorrow.

Kuina was waiting for me outside, her grin disappearing when she noticed my frown. 'What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?'

I explained to her what Ann told me as we made our way upstairs, and Kuina grunted in irritation listening to me, before trying to lift my mood again.

'Hey, at least you'll have almost an entire day to prepare yourself for that. Whatever your game is, I'm sure you will clear it and come back!'

Her words comforted me a bit. We parted ways upon reaching the dorm area stairs, since we stayed on different floors. Inside my room, I jumped on the bed to get some sleep.

----------

Unfortunately, I could barely rest that night, having constantly shifted on my bed due to anxiety. I felt my stomach rumble and I forced myself to get up, heading to the cafeteria.

I picked up a bowl of miso soup and a portion of rice. Hearing my name being called, Kuina waved at me from one of the tables and I made my way over to sit next to her.

'Did you have a good night of sleep?' She asked before shoving two whole dumplings in her mouth.

'Nope, not at all. I woke up even more tired than when I went to bed.'

'Aw, sorry to hear that. But you don't look too bad right now, so hopefully, you'll get some energy after eating!'

Kuina poked my cheek as she spoke. Someone came over to our table, standing across from where we were sitting; Chishiya observed both of us while munching on a sandwich.

'You two look like you haven't eaten in days.'

'A girl's gotta keep her health in check!' Kuina pointed at Chishiya with one of the dumplings, 'And my friend here will need a lot of energy today.'

'I've heard you'll be participating in a game tonight.' He tilted his head a little, observing me.

'Yeah, unfortunately. You were right about my trial happening soon.'

'Oh, so it’s your game trial? Interesting.'

I glanced at him, confused by his tone. We looked at each other for a few seconds and, taking the last bite of his sandwich, he walked towards the door.

'You're not joining us?' Kuina called out.

'There's something important I need to take care of right now.' With a quick wave, he left the cafeteria.

'He doesn’t seem to be very sociable.'

'No, not much.'

We finished our meal and left. Kuina and I sat on the beach chairs near the pool, where we talked for a while before she decided ‘she could use a nap after eating so much.’ Observing the people having fun in front of me, I quickly got lost in my thoughts.

Worry about tonight's game consumed me; I didn't know what it meant to be 'supervised' during a game trial, and I wasn’t sure if Chishiya’s reaction to my question yesterday meant they would kill me if I did badly.

The hours passed by, and players were leaving the pool area to get ready for the upcoming games. I patted Kuina on the arm to wake her up.

'Is it time already?' She sat up rubbing her eyes.

'I think so. Let’s go inside.'

The place was crowded with people rushing for the table, looking for their names on the scattered papers. Making my way among them, I picked up the paper with my name, with 'Group 8' written on it, as well as the car plate that would give me a ride to my game.

'I guess this is it.' I sighed deeply, ‘Hopefully, I'll be back to see you again.'

'There's no 'hopefully' here, you will make it back to me!' Kuina held both my shoulders and shook me playfully before I left.

The Beach garage was even more crowded than the main lobby, with people running around in circles looking for their cars. I spotted the plate written on my piece of paper and made my way over, noticing someone sitting on the car hood. When I got close enough to see who that was, my pace slowed down, and all encouragement I got from Kuina disappeared.

'Yo, it took you some time to find the car, huh?'

Niragi shifted his position to face me properly, an amused grin forming on his face as he eyed me up and down.

'He's the one who arranged my trial? He wanted to be my supervisor?'

Hesitantly, I walked closer, avoiding eye contact with him. He got up to his feet and grabbed the door handle before I could reach for it.

'I'm hoping you'll entertain me tonight. You better do.'

I swallowed dryly, carefully choosing my next words as curiosity grew inside of me.

'Can you tell me why you wanted to be my supervisor?'

Niragi tilted his head, the grin on his face growing bigger.

'When Hatter shared what you did during the five of spades game, I thought it was hilarious. Running around desperately trying to clear the game, even after you got shot? I wanted to see that for myself!' He finished his sentence with a laugh.

In the end, he didn't want to supervise me to evaluate my usefulness. He wanted to use me for his sick ideas of entertainment, and would likely use me as bait if he thought fit. I tensed up, thinking that the one supposed to watch over me would actually try to sabotage me.

Suddenly, Niragi stopped laughing, and his whole face grimaced in disgust while looking at something behind me. I turned my face to see what caused his reaction, and Chishiya was walking over to us with an even more amused grin on his face.

'What do you think you’re doing here?' Niragi snarled at him.

'I am part of your group for tonight's game.'

'Huh? No, you're not. I personally picked everyone in my group, and your stupid name is not on the list.'

'Really? I believe you've made a small mistake, then.' Chishiya raised a piece of paper showing his name, group number 8, and the car plate we were next to. 'I know your group needs five members, and I am the last one you need. Shall we go, then?'

Niragi snatched the piece of paper from Chishiya's hand, examining it before crumbling it.

'Tch, it's too late to check for this mistake now. Let's move.' Niragi sat on the passenger's seat, slamming the door beside him and adjusting his machine gun between his legs. Opening the back door, a girl was already sitting inside, looking away from us. I sat in the middle and Chishiya got in last, closing the door beside him and leaning over the window.

'Oi, Chishiya, just so you know–' Niragi spoke without turning his head back, 'if you do anything to ruin the game for me, I'll kill you.'

'Sure, sure.' Chishiya didn't seem bothered by a single word he said. With the corners of his lips slightly upturned, he put on his earphones and leaned against the window, resting his face on his hand.

The man in the driver's seat stepped on the gas and drove off.

----------

The ride was quite long. Being in the middle, I was able to watch the empty streets through the windshield, the intense darkness in the distance contrasted with the glow from the headlights in front of the car. Stopping in front of a huge open area with a large building at the back, we finally got out of the car.

A big sign stated that no weapons were allowed inside, causing Niragi to make an irritated noise as he put his gun inside the trunk of the car. When we got close enough, I was able to read the name of the place.

‘National Museum of Nature and Science’

Mixed feelings were bubbling inside of me. This museum had been on my bucket list of places to visit in Tokyo, and the reason I could finally be here was to enter a game of life or death. I didn’t know what kind of game would take place yet, but I was sure I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the exhibitions like a normal visitor.

Many people were already waiting inside the central hall. As I quickly scanned over the place, all players were wearing some kind of collar. In a corner, I saw that climber woman from the Tag game; she didn’t seem to notice me, as she was focused looking at a booklet showing the floor map of the museum.

There were three tables in the middle of the hall – one with collars, one with phones, and one with booklets of the floor map. We put on the collars, which locked in behind our necks with a click , and chose our phones.

FACIAL RECOGNITION IN PROGRESS. PLEASE WAIT A MOMENT.

ONE MINUTE UNTIL REGISTRATION CLOSES

I decided to pick up one of the booklets as well. I sighed skimming over the pages, reading the names of so many exhibitions I wouldn’t be able to see properly. Chishiya walked in closer, eyeing the map from over my shoulder, and I shifted my hands to help him have a better look at it.

REGISTRATION HAS CLOSED

THERE ARE A TOTAL OF 20 PARTICIPANTS

THE GAME WILL NOW COMMENCE

I closed the booklet in my hands and looked at my phone, preparing myself for what was coming.

[critical-chris]

Scream VI (2023)

Guess who's back, back again.

Ghostface's back, call a friend.

The iconic, and my personal favorite, slasher franchise returns to the big screen in the shortest turnaround between films since the original Scream and Scream 2. Breaking the recent trend of taking a decade break between installments, Scream IV arrives just thirteen months after Scream (2022) AKA Scream 5. Sight unseen I would have petitioned to title this time out Ghostface Takes Manhattan, but for some reason Hollywood hasn't started taking my calls.

The original Scream released in 1996 was the first true horror film I saw, with all of the lights out next to my father on our attached recliners in rural South Carolina. I was in high school, and never had the desire beforehand to dive into scary movies. When I was younger, even trailers for horror movies in the theaters would give me nightmares, and I had maxed out with thrillers for years. However, I had heard so much about Scream and it being a meta-horror with dark comedy and one that was lighter on the brutality than similar franchises like Friday the 13th and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So I figured I would give it a shot to see if I really could handle horror, and it has been off to the races ever since.

In fact, just in the past two years I have caught up on nearly a hundred horror movies I missed when I was younger, vowing to see every classic and even the unheralded cult icons. One of my future blogs may be dedicated to the scores of horror I indulged in as part of a pretty cool scratch-off poster I bought from Pop Charts (linked here) to keep myself honest. Even after all of those being checked off my watchlist, Scream remains as my all-time favorite.

Our long-running heroine of the series is Sydney Prescott, portrayed by Neve Campbell, and boy has she been through a lot of shit.

First, we hear Sydney's mother was killed a year before we meet her, and her friends and community of Woodsboro begin to get the sharp end of the blade of a masked serial killer Ghostface. In the climax, we learn that her boyfriend Billy Loomis and his friend Stu have been responsible for the killings. Billy wants to get back at the Prescott family since Sydney's mother had an affair with Billy's father, which led to his parents' divorce. Stu is just a psycho. With the help of her friend Randy, Sheriff Dewey Riley, and local investigative journalist Gale Weathers, Sydney turns the tables on the killers and whack Billy and Stu.

Sure, on paper Scream is just a slasher movie, but the real notoriety the series carries is its perfect commentary and skewering of horror movies, especially slashers, that came before. Jamie Kennedy's whole role as Randy is to advise the group of the tropes and pitfalls of horror movie characters so the teens can avoid getting butchered. The film is full of classic scenes, including Drew Barrymore in the cold open, Randy screaming at Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween to turn around to see Michael Myers while he himself is being stalked by Ghostface, and plenty of quotable lines (LIVER alone!).

Scream 2 picks up with Sydney attending college alongside other survivor Randy, and in my opinion is just a hair below the original in kills, humor, and twists. Scream 3 is a snooze-fest and the worst of the series by far, where the filming of a movie called 'Stab' is taking place based on Sydney's experience in Woodsboro. This is the one where the killer is revealed to be Sydney's long lost brother in the most who gives a shit reveal. Scream 4 takes place 10 years later, and recaptures what I found to be the best parts of the first two films.

At this point, I thought the franchise was dead and over, and I was happy for it to have ended on such a strong note as Scream 4. I especially thought it was a fitting end when the creator of the franchise and director over each installment Wes Craven passed away sadly in 2015. He had created and directed other iconic horror movie films like A Nightmare on Elm Street.

However, Scream 5 was announced to be released 25 years later to the month from it's inspiring original. When I heard the announcement, I was extremely upset and skeptical about the movie. Why should I trust an installment in a beloved franchise directed by anyone besides the creator? And with the cash grabs coming from Hollywood by way of unnecessary sequels, why can't they just let this one alone?

I can admit when I am wrong, and I was wrong about being skeptical of Scream 5. I thought it was a worthy sequel, paid respect to the characters and movies that came before, and kept the commentary of modern horror sharp and relevant. I even liked the newly casted heroines in the film, played by Jenna Ortega and Melissa Barrera. Although I'm getting a little sick of seeing Jenna Ortega everywhere already. **SPOILER** It was sad to see Dewey die, but I understood the reasoning and why they did it per the Requel rules covered by newcomer character Mindy Meeks-Martin (a descendant of Randy's family).

The connection of Sam Carpenter being Billy Loomis' illegitimate child and channeling his psycho-powers for her to turn the tables on her own Ghostface was batshit crazy, but I loved it.

Despite really enjoying the 5th installment in the Scream series, I was hesitant once again when they announced a sequel would be released a year later, and this time taking place in the Big Apple. I immediately was reminded of the TERRIBLE horror movie sequel to take place in New York City- Jason Takes Manhattan. But you know I still had to buy a ticket and sit down to indulge in another offering that asks, what's your favorite scary movie?

And finally, we arrive at the sixth installment in the self-described slasher franchise Scream VI.

The movie opens up on Samara Weaving sitting in a hip New York City bar, who is waiting for and texting with a dating app match. Her match mentions he is lost trying to find the bar and asks if he can call her. The voice on the other end of the phone is NOT the Ghostface voice we've come to love, but instead is just a regular guy's voice who eventually asks her to come outside so he can determine if he is on the correct street.

Weaving ventures further and further outside the bar looking for her match when she is led to walk into a nearby alley (dumb dumb), and her match's voice changes from the slight British accent to the menacing Ghostface effect. Ghostface pops out, stab stab stab, and then pulls off his mask to reveal new character Jason (Tony Revolori)????? That's a first, and at this moment I didn't know what to think about this movie breaking tradition of never seeing the killer until the climax. He trashes the costume in a nearby dumpster, keeps the mask, and heads back to his apartment, momentarily bumping into the movie's heroine Tara Carpenter before she heads off to a party.

Once Revolori gets back to his apartment, he gets a call from his friend Greg who he is planning Ghostface murders with, who asks him to describe how alive he felt murdering Samara Weaving. "Greg" speaks in the Ghostface voice and lures Revolori to eventually open the fridge where he finds the dismembered body of actual Greg. The Ghostface we'll be seeing the rest of the movie jumps out and kills Revolori.

TITLE SCREEN

Not a bad kind of double opening to the film, and it was tense in the moments that Jason is taken around his apartment by the killer playing the Warmer/Colder game. Nothing will ever top the opening sequence in the original film, but I give credit for these movies never phoning it in (pun very much intended) on the introductions.

We are then reintroduced to our surviving cast from the previous film, which initiated my frustrations with this movie. Of course you have Tara and Sam Carpenter as the returning heroines, but then we have Mindy and Chad Meeks-Martin coming back after being severely stabbed and left for dead at the house party in the finale of Scream 5. This trend comes up again multiple times in this movie, and I really hate it when horror films cheapen the 'kills' by just having everyone's favorite characters end up surviving. It removes the stakes, takes away any tension or fear we have that our beloved leads may be murdered, and makes the whole thing rather pointless.

We'll get to all that again. However, in this re-introduction to what they dub the 'Core 4' - Tara, Sam, Chad, and Mindy - we see that Sam is dealing with her issues with a counselor, who immediately drops her and threatens to call the cops when she says she kinda enjoyed pin-cushioning the killer Richie in Scream 5, and Tara is dealing with it by drinking. They then force an out of nowhere romantic tension between Tara and Chad which feels so creepy and dumb that I rolled my eyes both times they try and pass it off in the runtime.

Anyways, Tara lives with Sam while she goes to college with their new roommate character Quinn Bailey, and the whole group has a new friend Ethan Landry who seems like a geeky innocent addition. Mindy will then hammer you over the head for the next two hours on how he seems too nice to actually be innocent of any of the Ghostface killings. There is also a neighbor across the hall that Sam seemingly has a crush on, and then reveals is having a secret affair with that she hides from the rest of the cast. Sam is overbearing for Tara who just wants to have a good time.

And there's the setup- phone calls begin, stabby stabby, strap in for another edition of Scream where we try to figure out who the killer(s) is.

Let us start with the positive for Scream 6. First, this is by far the goriest and most brutal movie in the series as far as the kills go. The twisting of the knife in the gut, Anika falling to her death and banging her face on the dumpster, Greg's dismembered body in the fridge, etc. are all the most gruesome murders we've seen in the franchise. And I ain't mad at it, as it makes each sequential death that much more powerful and painful to watch and makes you fear for whoever is next.

I also enjoyed seeing Hayden Panetierre reprise her role as Kirby from Scream 4. Although I found the idea that she is/was an FBI agent to be ridiculous and just a convenient plot point, it was still nice to see a legacy character besides Sydney or Gale make an appearance. Otherwise, she doesn't make that much of an impact in this movie.

Now, let's get to my gripes, of which I have MANY but will cover the two main ones.

The Killers

I don't know about you (who I'm assuming is a Scream fan if you've stuck with this franchise for 6 films), but part of what I love in these movies is trying to guess who the killer will be and still be somewhat surprised at the ending. I won't lie, there is one aspect of the ending of Scream 6 that I didn't see coming, but it's also a cheat and nothing you could have suspected anyways.

Due to the amount of times Ghostface mentions his plan to punish Sam for her past deeds and expose her as a killer, I knew whoever was the murderer in these movies was related to the killer in Scream 5 - Richie Kirsch. Then it hit me. When Quinn seemingly gets butchered, her father who is a police officer comes out and offhand mentions how he can't believe both of his kids are gone now. It clicked for me immediately, his son was Richie and he is at least one of what I assumed would be multiple killers. Then I knew if there was a second killer it would be someone else in their family unit.

Then, when it is revealed that is exactly what is going on, I was pretty disappointed and underwhelmed. The only thing I didn't see coming was that Quinn didn't actually get killed and the cop swapped out her body for another when they faked her death. Pretty stupid in my opinion, and cheated the mystery out as much as Glass Onion (which I severely disliked). Cool that this is the first movie to have 3 killers instead of the classic 2, but something I found wasted on the laziness of the plot.

I have to mention at this point that I really do like Dermot Mulroney, and found him to be a good addition when he played the dutiful cop assisting the Carpenters in finding their stalker. HOWEVER, when he makes the turn to psychopathic killer, it is an embarrassing and frankly ridiculous performance. I have to assume the production kept a stockpile of eye drops on set since his peepers bug out of his head while he dances around revealing his master plan for minutes on end.

Mindy also calls out Ethan as the probable killer to an exhaustive extreme throughout that when it turns out he is one of the vengeful family members, I have a hard time believing you're actually shocked or care.

2. The Lack of Stakes

My gripe in the beginning of the film in seeing, specifically, Chad return after being what we all assumed was fatally stabbed in Scream 5 happens so many times in this movie that I can't understand why the filmmakers expect us to get any tension out of these new sequels.

Starting with Gale Weathers. Gale is stabbed multiple times in her apartment before eventually being found by Sam and Tara, but your sorrow in seeing a beloved character die is immediately dispelled when an EMT announces that she still has a pulse and she's saved. Alright, then why even have her get brutally stabbed?

Then, we move to Chad AGAIN! When the remaining survivors try to draw in the killer to the shrine/movie theater Gale discovered earlier in the movie, Chad gets stabbed several times in the chest and stomach by two killers at the same time. Go fuck yourself if you think that I buy him living through that, and why can we not have one person who returns get killed? They mention earlier in the film that one of the rules of a franchise is everyone is fair game to be murdered, and then nobody actually gets killed? BOOOOO, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR.

Look, I can't say this film isn't entertaining as it keeps the pace up, the kills coming, and the New York set pieces bloody. However, if I'm ranking it in the catalogue I only enjoy this time out more than the abomination that is Scream 3, because it introduces nothing new besides more gore, has the most predictable outcome of all the predecessors, and cheapens the kills to a ridiculous degree. Sure, I'm going to buy it when it gets released since I own the rest, but I imagine it's going to collect some dust over the years.

Scream VI - 6.0/10

[ahfucknuggets567]

Part 2 to the Megamind Swap Au, Ah Shit here we go again.

Part 2 to my silly little swap au for Megamind. Getting a little bit conversational with dealing with the dealing of sequel characters. But hey rewrites exist and I guess you could call it a rewrite.

Keiko Morita <--> Dude Monkey

I most certainly will not do the other side characters in the sequel. But Dude Monkey is the only container I can see for Keiko. The young super powered kid does not interest me at all. Dude Monkey has potential to be a younger yet more kinder version of himself while Keiko is older and a villain for like one episode. Thinking about Swapped!Keiko reminds me of Fantasy Creed's redesign video where she was kinda of a catfish who lured Rich kids to be her friend and then beat them up for their money or something like that. Swapped!Dude Monkey is a little gremlin but he's got them puppy eyes so you really can't say no to him, would you?

And here's where the swaps get... interesting because I'm not doing the normal two way swap thing. Because we're dealing with the new gen doom Syndicate and only the doom Syndicate. Which gives us an odd number of characters here. So I'm doing a circle/pentagon of swaps for this au.

Staring with...

Machiavillian -> Lady Doppler

If I'm going to be swapping Roxanne with Megamind might- I'm repeating my words. Anyways as I was saying, putting Lady Doppler in Machiavillian's role is such a good choice. She's already connected to Roxanne and she needs to be a charming and dangerous villain and without that stupid latex umbrella ass dress of hers. Seriously who decided to put her in that. You already had good concepts why change it???

That besides the point. I'm also swapping their powers around, so Lady Doppler getting... whatever the fuck Machiavillian's powers were.

Lady Doppler -> Lord Nighty-Knight

Lord Nighty-Knight -> Pierre Pressure

Pierre Pressure -> Behemoth

Behemoth -> Machiavillian

These swaps can all be reasoned away with two reasons, one, I thought they would be fun, and two, most of them were swaps I did in a previous post. It was just about the four original new doom Syndicate receiving different powers than their owns once they got them back. I ended up really liking most of the swaps I did because honestly what's more interesting? A knight made of living darkness, a mine that hypnotizes you, and a living magna creature done to death, or a knight that controls the weather and believes them self to be a demigod, a dashing rouge covered by the darkness and uses the night to his advantage, and an ancient stone being that uses hypnosis to build a cult?

Of course there's also Machiavillian with Behemoth's powers. It was the only swap left but I really liked the idea. Imagine a devilish Machiavillian dressed in all black and reds welding a pitchfork that holds his power. Plus I like to think that Swapped!Machiavillian is Swapped!Megamind's Lady Doppler.

That power swap idea lended itself to the Swapped! New gen Doom Syndicate being a bit different than the other swaps but I really loved the ideas I came up with. They retained most of their personalities traits but with new powers and roles that make them a whole lot more interesting.

The last part is coming soon with the last group of the original Doom Syndicate. I can't leave them behind, they're my blorbos. My glup shittos.

[tresradiossolis]

Reflections & HCs: H!Sunny and Camping/Hiking

So I have been having a lot of fun with Sunny as of late, specifically his human self, and I figured I could talk a little about his love for camping, why it's a thing I even had him being into cus it might seem... Odd, considering his bot!self has literally nothing to do with camping... And also go over again Why he likes camping so much from his history and a character stand point.

Why Camping in the first place?

So Sunny was created for an AU for all of my closest friends' human FNAF characters, which, you guessed it, was inspired by "Camp Camp" by Rooster Teeth. We wanted to make a cute server where all our muses were little kids, and they all went to a summer camp together. The camp leaders were Sunny and Moon (yes his name is Moon, Moon Davis actually, my fiance is a creative genius *throws kiss*), and Sunny was actually inspired by, be ready for it...

Mud from TikTok

Yknow this guy:

Let's just say that once he was explored more, got a backstory, and eventually became a part of our College AU as a professor in Early Childhood Education, his personality did a bit of a sharp turn.... But those sure are his origins!

Needless to add, but of course David from Camp Camp also inspired Sunny.

Here's him and lil baby Elio

And here's him by the time College came around

Can you tell I'm a whumper? Fucking destroyed this man xbbddv

When it all started

But that information is meta. Why does Sunny love camping, as a character?

From here on out, there are trigger warnings for cults, religious trauma, child abuse and neglect, as well as a brief mention of homophobia!!

To not go too deep into it, if you know Sunny's history, you know he grew up in an abusive household. His dad often beat him, controlled his life, and made it a habit to lock him in their basement with the lights turned off. He lost his right lateral incisor when hitting his mouth on the stairs once, and he now has a lifelong nyctophobia. When he was out in nature, was often when he got some peace and quiet for himself, he felt like he could breathe. He barely had any friends to spend time with after all... When his dad had the family move out to a small community in the sticks created by the leader of a religious group that he had been indoctrinated into, nature immediately became an even bigger part of his life. They sustained themselves out there, worked together and were a big family. Sunny finally felt like he was part of an actual family.

So when they all turned their back on him when rumours spread that he was gay, and they began to hurt him like his father had, nature once again became the one place where he was free and away from the stressors of reality. This time it was the Only escape he had, because there was nothing else out there. If he wanted peace of mind, this was where he had to go. The beautiful foliage became a warm, comforting blanket, the bird song became his lullaby, as he made a fire that he slept close to all night, just to avoid going home again. It was fine, as long as the fire burned bright enough.

In time he finally had enough, again to keep it brief, since this was a long and difficult process for him... But he packed his things, food and supplies, and ventured out into the woods, walking as far and as long as he could, until he reached society once more.

Hiking saved him, in a way, and it will forever be something that soothes his soul and brings him peace of mind.

The Scouts

Sunny is a part of the Scouts, a long term member, and incredibly reliable as a scout leader. You might not believe it, considering what he's like anywhere else! He's good with the kids since he was part of a community where everyone helped raising the younger ones, being expected to act as their older siblings no matter age, and his love for nature, as well as survival, is nearly unmatched. He wants nothing but for the children to feel like if they had to survive out there, they'd feel safe and capable, and hopefully as they got older, they'd develop a love for nature just as he did, just.. under kinder circumstances.

He believes nature is a gift that must be treated with respect and kindness, as it does the same for us, as long as it's mutual. If you have a younger muse, you bet I'd ask if they could be a part of his scout troop. The troop is part of a co-ed program and accepts scouts of any gender, so come on in!

Hiking & Camping Solo

Like earlier mentioned, Sunny is a very skilled survivalist. Robert Baden-Powell's book "Scouting For Boys" was one of the few books of substance available at the cult, and he read it about as religiously as they had them read their sacred texts and the Bible. While he works as a Scout Leader on weekends, he very much enjoys going out on his own hikes and camping trips, sometimes them even lasting for several weeks. That's what he considers a summer break well spent!

He does hiking, camping, row boating, canoeing, mountain climbing to a certain extent (he has the tools and skill set, even if it isn't actively something he partakes in), skiing, etc etc. As long as it can be contributed to the outdoor experience, he wants to do it. These days he often brings his faithful companion Ollie with him, as long as he considers it safe. Ollie is perfectly fit for the outdoor life however, Golden Retrievers being skilled and hardy dogs that are popular among hikers!

[yhwhsdaughter]

BODY THIEF

pairings: hisoka x fem reader x illumi

content: noncon, double penetration, threats, use of violence, minors dni !!

followed by this

“Hello, I would appreciate it if you came with us.”

As she turned, [Name] examined the person who’d spoken, her eyes trailing all over his figure. He was good-looking, enough so that she’d remember him after meeting him once.

Handsome as he was, the young woman wasn’t about to go along with a group of strangers—though she came to a quick realization that it was not an invitation, but a threat. Turning to leave, [Name] was obstructed by muscular chest. The obstacle was tall, with a mane and tanned skin; he was like a lion and she a gazelle. His hand alone could crush her head. As if reading her mind, the beast-like man cracked his knuckles, staring her down with a malicious grin. [Name] gulped.

“Guess I don’t have a choice…”

[Name]’s eyes weren’t covered nor was she restrained so she was able to see her kidnappers clearly and the place they were taking her; though this only worried her because it meant that even if [Name] escaped, they were dangerous enough to get her back.

The possibility of switching bodies with one of them was open but she figured that wouldn’t go too well with her captors, not to mention that she would be practically leaving her body as leverage.

That must be it. [Name] was average in almost everything, the only thing that highlighted her as special was her ability. The question now was… what need did they have for it?

Her silence and stiff form amused the Phantom members. Rarely did they take prisoners but most would shake and plead for their lives. She was docile and partly cooperative.

Arriving at their hideout, [Name] was sat in a creaky chair, showing no signs of surprise when Chrollo said, “I would like to know about your ability.”

She sighed, “I figured..”

Despite not being bound, she raised her hand tentatively, in case those psychos had any thoughts of hurting her.

“Why don’t I show you?”

Chrollo understood [Name]’s ability the moment she touched his shoulder. It was a unique experience to say he’d seen his own face. He now sat where their guest had been, though he was said person.

[Name] felt no shame as she backed away, grabbing the book that the male had placed on the table that separated them. “Stay back!” she flipped through the pages but hadn’t the slightest idea how to use it.

No one reacted, all of them staring at her—well, at Chrollo’s body, analyzing her like one would at an insect. Perhaps it was out of confusion or jest.

From the other side of the table stood up Chrollo; he handled her body with grace, approaching his own with an eerie calmness. It took [Name] a moment to realize that they hadn’t taken her seriously. The real reason for their lack of response was because the troupe didn’t think her a threat. It was rather insulting but [Name] had no time to feel offended for Chrollo now stood in front of her. The book snapped close as he took it from her gently.

He reached out first, interlocking fingers. To her credit, [Name] didn’t flinch away. Nothing happened though; the former was the sole controller of such ability. A second later, she released Chrollo after changing into her original body.

Because he’d gotten his book with her body, [Name] was now in possession of it. She extended a hand, placing it back in his care.

An hour passed and Chrollo failed to meet the conditions. [Name] must’ve seen through his plan. She probably figured his book was important, despite having no knowledge of it. Still, she was at their disposal.

As a manipulator and specialist, [Name] would be quite useful. A frown plagued her face, “You need access to a clown’s body?” She wondered what kind of person he must be if this group needed something from him.

With little choice, [Name] agreed to steal Hisoka’s body.

◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆ ◆:*:◇:*:◆:*:◇:*:◆

In her defense, it was dark.

[Name] had wanted to finish the job as soon as possible and in a state of panic she forgot Hisoka’s description, stealing the first person’s body she came across.

When [Name] faced a mirror her blood ran cold. This man was starkly different from her target. “Fuck fuck fuck!” How was she supposed to know there’d be someone else in the apartment?!

Sweat trickled down the man’s face due to her mishap. This was more complex than just switching bodies. Not only would it take more time, but also energy she needed. Before [Name] could try again, the sound of a door opening sent her into a silent frenzy.

With this man’s body it was easy to carry and bound her own body into a closet, shutting it just as the actual Hisoka entered. [Name] couldn’t dwell on how messed up it was to hide her body. The amount of psychological stress this was causing her…

“What took you so long?”

Hisoka’s question was met with silence. Illumi was rather serious so this lack of action wasn’t out of the norm for him, but something seemed off. Meanwhile [Name] was racking her brain on how to answer without getting her killed.

As if to test his theory, Hisoka strode to ‘Illumi’ essentially backing him onto the bed. The latter landed with a small bounce, elbows planted on the mattress to keep him propped up.

Hisoka pulled at Illumi’s pants with ease, startling [Name]. Holding onto his wrist with a hand, she fought the urge to yell in indignation, aware that it might give her away. However, she failed to hide the eyebrow twitch and annoyance in Illumi’s monotone voice as she simply said, “I’m not in the mood.”

“But ‘llumi’” he teased knowing well how much he hated that nickname. When said person failed to react, Hisoka gleefully tore at the green pants, exposing his cock. Hisoka palmed it experimentally, taking note of the twitches that impostor Illumi made.

[Name] felt herself on a rocky voyage, wondering if she should jump ship. The caresses that attacked this body sent shivers across this form. Thighs spread, the sadistic clown inserted two fingers unpromptedly. Hisoka grinned. He curved them with precision, hitting the prostate and eliciting a gasp from her. Embarrassment burned onto Illumi’s cheeks and [Name] prayed Hisoka wouldn’t see that.

“I know Illumi’s body too well.”

At this point, he’d turned [Name] on her stomach. His strength was that of a monster. With Hisoka pressed against her back, his words blew into her ear, “Whoever you are, you can stop pretending~”

“Wait!”

He hummed in response, letting this game play out a little longer. “I’m sorry! Chrollo hired me! I swear I didn’t want to! Please—!”

Ignoring her entirely, Hisoka lifted Illumi’s waist, posing his ass towards himself. A moan left the clown’s lips, “Destroying you will be orgasmic ♡ ☆”

“Fuck you mphh—” pushing Illumi’s head into the pillow, suffocating [Name] and muffling her pained screams, Hisoka entered with difficulty, as she tightened around his cock.

[Name] was turned over, Hisoka wishing to see the faces Illumi’s expressionsless mug would make. “He’s always stoic when we fuck” he told her causally as if they were two friends catching up.

Hisoka did as he pleased with her, using the blood that trickled out of Illumi’s hole as lube, his sadomasochistic tendencies clear as day. “Tell me about your ability~” he urged while [Name] struggled with the pain.

Tears pricked the eyes of the body she’d stolen, regretting everything that led to this moment. She wasn’t sure if Hisoka hated this so-called Illumi from the way he enjoyed torturing her through this form. When she failed to answer Hisoka, he grasped her neck roughly.

“Will you break?”

Teeth gritting, she managed to spit out, “I’ll fucking kill you!” which sparked joy inside the sadist, causing him to impale her harder. Moans filled the room, Hisoka’s louder. Both of them came moments later, their orgasms trigged by the brutal fucking—well, violation in [Name]’s unfortunate case.

Bruises and scratches decorated the stolen body. Although this would essentially leave [Name] with no mark, she would be unable to erase this experience from her mind, if he allowed her to live.

Exhausted beyond reason, [Name]’s vision tilted to the side, witnessing a terrifyingly expression on her true face. This could only mean—

“I would like my body back.”

It would’ve happened one way or another. A condition to [Name]’s ability was her mental and physical fortitude. With those depleted, it was inevitable that the male would free himself.

Illumi grasped her, forcing [Name] out of himself, per se. Escaping was futile, though she still tried. Hisoka caught her from behind, lifting her easily. Illumi, pulled at her previously intact pants, not minding the kicks she threw his way.

This was like meeting the troupe all over again, except a thousand times worse. [Name] never had a problem with her strength but this, this was a weakness she hated because no matter how hard she tried to fight back, it was useless against monsters like them. Individuals who wouldn’t bat an eye at her struggle.

“You motherfuckers!!!”

The two men slid inside her, Hisoka silencing [Name] with a violent kiss—shoving his tongue inside her mouth, his moans releasing vibrations that otherwise would’ve felt good. He tasted her shamelessly.

In contrast, Illumi was more silent though there was a small break from his stoicism. Pussy sex felt different than anal. It was a whole new experience for him, causing him to cum fast in [Name].

Her lovely eyes widened, fear infested her to the brim. Biting Hisoka’s tongue so he would pull away, [Name] tried, once again, to twist from them but the men had decided that this seemingly unbreakable toy (for now) would be theirs. She must be special, for no person had taken them both until today.

The two leaned over, biting each side of her neck simultaneously, marking her true body for the first time that night.

[loganelfreeces]

Humarize Headcanons

 @mettywiththenotes Since you mentioned worldbuilding through World Heroes Mission, I have a couple of headcanons I want to drop about Humarize and it's potential origins.

Humarize as we know it by the time World Heroes Mission happens is a terrorist organization/cult that wants to kill all Quirked people. Their members are mostly Quirkless and the members who do have Quirks feel that they are cursed or have sins that can only be cleansed by helping to cleanse humanity of Quirks. They have world wide branches in at least 25 countries in major city centers and countries, even though they are a terrorist organization/cult.

Now, let's go back to when Quirks were first popping up.

We all know that Human Rights were hotly debated and those with "Meta Abilities" were seen as not being human when Quirks first started showing up. I imagine that Humarize may have been an early group that wanted to destroy the Quirked population and was likely more popular back in the day, similar to the Creature Rejection Clan. They probably had that religious angle even back then, especially since Flect calls their base a "holy place".

However, the times shifted and the Quirked became more common in the East first and eventually the West too. The Quirked were here to stay and thus, Humarize had to change with the times or be forgotten like the Creature Rejection Clan.

So they changed to be a hub for Quirkless people. Quirkless people who were anxious about the rising Quirks. Quirkless people who were being assaulted by the Quirked. Quirkless people who wanted to escape the Quirked who bullied and harassed them for being powerless.

They likely masked themselves well as a religious group or support group or wellness center,  something else harmless, like most real world cults do today.

After all, what kind of terrorist organization can set up shop in the middle of a major city?

Eventually though, Humarize's true nature came out, likely at least a year before the events of World Heroes Mission. Maybe even 2 years, when Izuku was busy with All Might training.

Rody's father was found out to be a member of Humarize when Rody was a bit younger. His hair is a little shorter in the flashback we see of his defaced house, not to mention Lala and Roro also having different hair/character designs, slightly.

Yet the house was horribly defaced with words like "Murderer", "Criminal", "Stupid Pig" and the flashbacks reference "an incident from the other day".

Based on the interior of the Soul Family's van, they've definitely lived there for a while. It's decorated, lived in, they're laughing. I think if it was only a couple of days or weeks into the Souls being basically homeless, they wouldn't be so cheerful about their situation. They've had time to adjust, at least 6 months I would guess, though it’s more likely to be at least a year.

Rody also mentions how he and his family got kicked out of school, lost their home and he couldn't find honest work. That kinda thing doesn't all suddenly happen in a single day, that kinda thing takes a while to build up. Plus Rody and Stanley (the bartender guy) seem to be well acquainted, meaning Rody has probably done several jobs for him.

The big Trigger Bombing event makes it seem like it happened a couple of days before the Heroes started mobilizing all over the world.

But the Soul Family seem to have been living in the van for at least 6 months, more likely a year.

In conclusion; Humarize used to be a cult that just disliked Quirked people, but shifted to look like a group that helped Quirkless people, until they could finally take off the mask to reveal themselves as terrorists. They have done at least a couple other wide scale attacks in the past on Quirked people before World Heroes Mission. Maybe they were using smaller doses of Ideal Trigger, or attacking Quirk support groups, or doing any number of things that terrorist organisations do in our world.

[maxwell-grant]

Any thoughts on Darkman, the Liam Neeson movie? I heard it was originally going to be a Shadow movie.

I love Darkman very much, but I've realized recently that this love comes with some pretty bittersweet feelings at the story behind it.

Michael Uslan: I was going to produce a Shadow feature film with Sam Raimi, but Sam got consumed by back-to-back movies and we ran out of time. We were headed in a good, period piece direction and managed to do so without relying on yet another bout with Shiwan Khan. I later had another major director passionate to do The Shadow, but a person at the company wanted to do a modern day TV series instead, which ultimately did not go... - comment saved from a post in The Shadow Knows Facebook group

For those of you who only now got into The Shadow or don't remember, for much of the early 00s, when The Shadow basically had no current projects and Conde Nast was taking down webpages and fan content left and right, the only things that kept this "fandom" alive were occasional fanfics (many of which are gone now), and the dim light in the horizon that was the rumors that Sam Raimi was finally going to make his Shadow film. Dig back on The Wayback Machine for Shadow web page and you're gonna see this as consistently the only thing they had to look forward to in regards to the character. These rumors floated around for over a decade, at one point Tarantino was even supposed to direct it, but he confirmed in 2013 that it wasn't going to happen. At least, not with him at the helm.

The project has been dead for a while now, and Conde Nast seems to be shuffling around plans for the character, and I deleted my Facebook months ago so I haven't kept up with any news, although it seems the James Patterson novel wasn't received too well, so I'm not sure what other plans they have in the pipeline.

Back in the 1970s, after the release of Richard Donner's Superman and in line with The Shadow's pop culture resurgence, thanks to the paperback reprints and the 70s DC run, there were plans to make a Shadow feature film, and there were quite a handful of scripts being tossed around for the following years (Will Murray states most of them were horrible), several names attached to the project at one point or another. The plans died down a bit following Gibson's death and only really picked up again after the 90s, and of course we all know that the 1994 movie came out with spectacularly bad timing. From what I recall, it seems Sam Raimi wanted to make his Shadow film in the 80s, was unable to secure the rights, and then just made his own version, which would go on to be his first major motion picture.

Even after making Darkman, Sam Raimi still wanted to make The Shadow. I guess that's ultimately the bittersweet part for me. I imagine the current state of Shadow media would be significantly better if Sam Raimi, who was a fan of the character and the pulp version (and even knows of The Shadow's connection to Houdini and stage magic), got to make his Shadow film, years before Blood & Judgment, years before Burton's Batman made it impossible for a Shadow film not to be compared to it, in a time period where it wouldn't have had to compete with The Lion King and The Mask for box office. And second, I have been drawing up my plans for Shadow projects for, what, 5 years now? And I have just barely got my foot off the door as a filmmaker. Sam Raimi had a decade-long career as a cult filmmaker before he got turned down, and decades later, after becoming a household name in charge of Marvel's biggest icon, the project still fell through. It doesn't exactly get my hopes up, y'know.

I love Darkman, it's the best Shadow film that doesn't technically star the real Shadow, and it works pretty well on it's own regardless of that association, but I do get pretty sad looking at it from the outside, because I just can't help but think on what it could have been.

In some aspects I do think the film benefits from not being about The Shadow proper, because it means Raimi got the freedom to do whatever the hell he wanted. The character of Darkman already existed separately from Sam Raimi's plans for a Shadow film, already carrying off the Phantom / Universal Monster influence, and what Raimi did was basically combine the two ideas together.

He took the basic iconography of The Shadow, a terrifying urban crimefighter in coat and slouch hat, and add in other Shadow traits like his mastery of disguise, his disfigurement, and that wonderful scene where he's invisibly running circles around a panicky triggerman while laughing maniacally, a moment which definitely feels like Raimi taking a second to indulge himself to do what you can call The Classic Shadow Scene with a character he's, for the most part, succesfully convinced us (and Conde Nast's lawyers, most importantly) isn't supposed to be The Shadow.

But then he filters these through his own influences and style to make him a new character, so instead of a mysterious mastermind with lots of resources and a enigmatic background, instead he's a disfigured and psychotic scientist with a vengeance against those who made him that way. He's like Night Raven, in the sense that he's built off traits that The Shadow has, but develops them differently to the point he stands on his own as a character. It's The Shadow combined with The Phantom of the Opera, filtered through a 1930s Universal Horror lens, played for greater tragedy and a dash of Evil Dead 2 wackyness.

He hides away in trashed up ruins and bickers with a cat, he has fits of rage that make him endanger innocents, he has a doomed love affair, and sometimes he gets so batshit he gives us hilarious moments like "TAKE THE FUCKING ELEPHANT" and "SEE THE DANCING FREAK! PAY - FIVE - BUCKS! TO SEE THE DANCING FREAK!". Moments that really show why he was such a good fit for Spider-Man despite the liberties he took with the source material.

I think the big thing that helps to make Darkman works as a property in it's own right is also that, ultimately, these influences are ultimately at the forefront of it, and the core of it works on it's own. Darkman is a believable, engaging character in his own right, one who tells a story that would be more at odds with The Shadow proper. 

In some aspects, Darkman tries to be The Shadow, he is forced to become The Shadow by literally picking the clothes off a dumpster after he escapes the hospital, and it's a miserable, wretched existence, in a way rather befitting his status as a legally safe knock-off. He is a creature of nightmare who lost his face and takes on a dozen others to fight crime by turning terror against them, except he is still just a man in the end, and no man was ever supposed to live like this.

Raimi was also inspired by the Universal horror films of the 1930s and 1940s because "they made me fear the hideous nature of the hero and at the same time drew me to him. I went back to that idea of the man who is noble and turns into a monster".

He originally wrote a 30-page short story, titled "The Darkman", and then developed into a 40-page treatment. At this point, according to Raimi, "it became the story of a man who had lost his face and had to take on other faces, a man who battled criminals using this power"

A non-superpowered man who, here, is a hideous thing who fights crime. As he became that hideous thing, it became more like The Phantom of the Opera, the creature who wants the girl but who was too much of a beast to have her

I decided to explore a man's soul. In the beginning, a sympathetic, sincere man. In the middle, a vengeful man committing heinous acts against his enemies. And in the end, a man full of self-hatred for what he's become, who must drift off into the night, into a world apart from everyone he knows and all the things he loves.

For the role, Raimi was looking for someone who could suggest "a monster with the soul of a man"

It's the fact that Darkman is ultimately played for vulnerability and tragedy that really sets him apart. While I wouldn't go far enough to say The Shadow is a man with the soul of a monster, still, the difference in presentation is still there when it comes to these two. The Shadow is The Other, Darkman is You. Darkman is the victim of extraordinary circumstance that affects his life, The Shadow is the extraordinary circumstance that affects the lives of others. People react to The Shadow, Darkman reacts to people (and rather poorly).

One is the man who takes off his skin (or yours, staring back at you) to reveal the weird creature of the night ready to prowl and pounce and cackle at those who think they hold power over it's domain, and the other is the monster who falls apart bit by bit until you are left staring at the broken man within who has no choice but to be something he was never supposed to be.

The Shadow is The Master of Darkness. Darkman weaponizes the dark, but in the end, he's still just a man, lost within it. Not everyone can be The Shadow, and you would most likely turn into Darkman if you tried.

[obsidiancreates]

An Origin

(Sort of a sequel to This but I couldn't figure out how to fit Sia and Evan in but shhhhhhhhhh it's another AU we'll jsut say that)

Everyone stands around in a circle, looking at each other.

"... So... how do we go about this?" Bim asks. "Are we going to Boxcar Children up a makeshift shelter? Risk getting a hotel? I think I have about two thousand dollars left."

"I have an apartment."

Everyone looks at Doc.

"It's small, but it's somewhere to start."

"... Don't the people hunting you know about it?"

"Oh. Right. ... Do you think I'll be able to go back to gather some things?"

Dark shrugs, sitting down on a stump. "Depends. Who exactly is hunting you?"

"I don't fully know."

"What do you know?"

"... I was leaving work, a late shift at the hospital. I'm a- ... was a, surgeon. I guess I can't... do that, anymore."

"Oh, dude... that sucks." Bing gives Doc a pat on the shoulder.

"And now so do you," Bim says, snickering a little. Yancy elbows Bim, giving him a sort of... disappointed-big-brother type look. Bim rubs his arm. "Sorry," he huffs.

Doc shrugs. "It's accurate. Anyway, um, I was leaving work, and I was all alone walking to the bus stop. And then I... I don't know. Someone grabbed me and said something about... I think about 'rescuing' me?"

Dark tsks. "Yeah, a lot of other vampires consider turning someone to be saving them."

"... They weren't a vampire. Their hand was warm."

Dark perks up, surprised.

"They hit me over the head, and I woke up somewhere just..." Doc flounders for the words. "... Just horrible. Like a um, like a room in a cheesy movie about satanic cults."

"The candlelight flickered over the walls, somehow seeming to take away light instead of grant it, the shadows deeper than should be possible in the corners of the room."

Doc glances at Host, eyeing him warily. "Yeah. Like that."

"The Host was a horror writer."

"... Oh. So then... you can probably guess what happened next?" Doc desperately hopes he won't have to be the one to describe it.

"The Host doesn't need to guess. He can Know. ... ... ... Doc was pushed into the middle of a circle painted on the floor, the stench of rotting blood making his stomach churn. He looked up as a man approached him and tried to demand to know what was going on, only to realize he was gagged. His mind was still foggy."

Doc shakes a little as Host recounts it. Bing leads him over to another stump to sit down.

"The man knelt down and stroked Doc's hair. 'Here, and now, we have begun The Recompense,' he said in a voice as soft as the candlelight, and just as haunting. He stood, and threw open his arms. 'We at last fulfill our destinies!"

"The man pulled a vial out of his robe, something bubbling and the color of Sickness itself. He pulled Doc's gag out just slightly, and poured it into Doc's mouth. The taste was almost indescribable, thee only word for it being repulsive. The man forcefully closed Doc's mouth, and didn't let go until Doc finally had no choice but to swallow. The man put the gag back in after that."

"He gestured to one of the people hovering in the outskirts of the shadows. A person stepped forward. Doc's heart began racing as he saw their eyes were glowing red."

Bing rubs Doc's back. Doc clamps his hand over his neck, getting paler by the second.

"The leader of this stranger group stepped out of the way, and the vampire knelt down before Doc. They smiles warmly at him, their fangs glinting in the demure candlelight. 'It's my honor to be your Release,' they said, reverence in their words."

"They tilted his head to the side. Doc's breathing became fast, his heartbeat almost painful in the panic. The vampire brushed their fingers along his neck. 'Don't panic. Soon you'll be free from Mortal Fear.'"

"They sank their fangs into Doc's neck. Doc let out a scream, muffled by the gag. He felt thee blood being sucked from his body, his neck getting the staticky feeling of a limb falling asleep, the feeling spreading so very rapidly."

Dark tilts his head. "That's not a usual feeling for someone being turned." He looks around at the others. "Is it?"

There's a murmuring of answers, the consensus being a complete "No."

Doc shudders, and Wilford is suddenly by his side, draping a shock blanket over him. Doc jumps in place, but accepts the comfort.

"When it was over, Doc collapsed into a heap. He shivered and twitched on the middle of the circle, his veins empty yet his brain still functioning, though that term applied very loosely. He wasn't dead, at the very least."

Now, the others look sick. "You shouldn't have been awake by then," Bim croaks.

"You-you should've passed out when-when you lost enough-enough blood," Eric whispers.

"The group around Doc were speaking, but Doc couldn't understand the words. But even if his mind had been functioning well, he wouldn't have had any better idea. The words were ancient, a lost language, made for magic."

"As the chanting droned on and on, however, Doc grew more and more... alert. But not aware. Not awake. Simply alert. And hungry."

"I attacked someone," Doc croaks out, shaking. "I don't know what happened, I just- all of a sudden I was pinning someone to a wall and-and drinking blood and they were screaming around me-"

"But not because of fear. Not because of grief over their lost friend. Doc had become Feral faster than they expected. They were screaming because of their plans being ruined."

Doc puts a hand too his mouth, stifling a sob.

"When Doc came back to his right mind, he only had seconds to process before realizing he had to run. And even as he ran he could feel himself changing, feel the cold setting in-"

"Please skip this part," Doc whimpers.

"... Until at last, Doc slammed into Eric."

There's silence. A long, long silence, the only sounds being Doc's muffled sobs and the crinkling of the shock blanket as Bing rubbed his back.

"... I woke up, too." Mark breaks the silence. "... I was trying to take a hike. Job sucked, life sucked, I figured it would help. But I got jumped, and woke up while they were carrying me somewhere. I ran away, and it... it was so..."

Mark struggles to find the words.

"Yeah," Doc says, knowing what Mark meant still. "Just... yeah."

...

...

...

...

...

Bim stands up. "So. When do we go back to raid your apartment?"

"But I thought-"

"Yeah, fuck those guys. Let's see them fight ten vampires and four androids and see how much that screws up their plans. We're going to get your shit back, and figure out somewhere safe to love. For all of us."

[wherevermyway]

why can’t we drink forever? (1/2) // minsung // 18+

one: i will only complicate you series navigation: [desktop] [mobile]

⚠ POTENTIAL TW: READ WITH CAUTION! ⚠ pairing: lee minho x han jisung rating: explicit! 18+ warnings/tags: creator chose not to use archive warnings, explicit sexual content past character death, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, depression, edgy cynical depressed jisung, ambiguous/open ending. word count: 5,883 also on AO3

originally posted: 20 january 2021

After being arrested for driving under the influence, Jisung learns that money can buy his way out of jail time, but it can’t buy his way out of his feelings.

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction! any reference to persons in this work of fiction are purely coincidental. the characters referenced from Stray Kids are  interpretations loosely based on their personalities in the group and do  not represent the real people behind the personas. if this, or any of  the content included in the warnings above make you uncomfortable,  please stop reading now.

“I don’t know how things got this way, Sungie, baby. I’m worried about you.”

A sarcastic huff leaves the lips of the young man seated in the passenger seat of a sleek, new all-white Audi. He kicks his feet up on the dash, earning a frown from the middle-aged woman driving the vehicle. The young blonde stares out the window as he fumbles around his hoodie pocket. Out comes a white pack of Marlboro Gold cigarettes and an engraved silver lighter.

“You and me both, ma,” he tuts as he pops a white cigarette up from the pack into his mouth, flicking the dial of his lighter as he takes in a deep breath. He jams a finger down on the window button, the crisp winter air blowing the grey cloud around, the acrid scent of burnt tobacco filling the car. “Guess if we knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t be in the car now, huh?”

“Maybe you’d have gotten into a better university,” his mother sighs as she shakes her head.

A devious smirk curls up on the young man’s mouth as he brings the cigarette up to his lips again, taking a long drag. He knows better than to verbally respond with a cynical quip.

Maybe I’d be fuckin’ dead.

Alcoholics Anonymous sounded like a cult following: a twelve-step programme where all of its members had to follow a strict code, be mentored by a sponsor, and thank some bullshit deity to be given a new chance every day. “Every day is a new chance,” the cult leader would say at the beginning of every meeting. “May God grant us the serenity…”

“I’m Jisung, and the courts told me I’m an alcoholic, so I guess I’m an alcoholic,” the artificial blonde shrugged his shoulders, the ghost of burnt coffee still dancing on his tongue as he spoke.

The mindless cult drones spouted off a casual “hi, Jisung,” in monotonous, unenthusiastic unity as the young man sat down.

“How did you get here?” The meeting’s leader was relentless in prodding the young man. “You’re not obligated to tell us, of course,” which was a boldfaced lie, “but acknowledging your problems might help your recovery.”

Jisung brought the styrofoam cup full of lukewarm, acrid coffee to his lips and took a long sip. He winced at the taste and pursed his lips as he made eye contact with the leader. “I was abducted by aliens, man, now I’m here. Shit was crazy.”

The leader frowned, ready to interrupt Jisung.

“Nah,” the young man kicked his feet out from under the metal fold-up chair, flipping his hood over his head with his free hand. “I got drunk, went out to get more booze, then hit a tree on the way back and the cops pulled me over since my headlight was out. The internet wasn’t lying when they said all cops are fuckin’ bastards.” His quip earned a laugh from a few younger members, whereas several of the older people shook their heads in frustration.

“Please,” the leader sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “let’s refrain from political commentary. Thank you for your,” there’s a pause as the leader clears his throat, “for your candor, Jisung. Now that we’ve introduced all of our new attendees, why don’t we move along with the next step in the meeting?”

The meeting was pointless, all of the same shit that Jisung had read about in the fliers that were handed to him with his sentencing. He had to endure twelve months of this, but it wasn’t like he was doing much else with his life, anyways. Jisung poured the last of the disgusting coffee from the cardboard takeaway box into his cup, then tossed the box into the large rubbish bin at the end of the table. One last cup of free shitty coffee before he left; it would pair nicely with the cigarette he so desperately craved.

“Hey!” A bright voice came up behind him and Jisung rolled his eyes at the way optimism dripped from the trill. He slowly turned around, taking a sip of the cold coffee in his cup. A young man with neon pink hair, probably the same age as Jisung, smiled widely as he stuck his hand out. “I’m Felix, nice to see someone here that’s about my age.”

Jisung gingerly accepted the hand and shook it twice before quickly sticking his hand back into his pocket. “Charmed. How long are you stuck here for?”

“Oh!” Felix shook his head, smile still wide on his face as he pensively looked down to his shoes. “I’m not here for… well, I’m a psychology major.”

Of course he was.

Felix tucked his hands into his jacket pockets and tapped his foot twice as he continued to smile at Jisung. “I’m also new here and was hoping I could make friends.”

Jisung shook his head, reaching into his hoodie pocket for his pack of cigarettes and familiar silver lighter. “I’m not a good influence. Don’t think I’d make good friends with someone so… nice.” He meandered a white cigarette out of the packet with a single hand, then tucked it behind his ear, lighter still tucked into his palm. “No offence, dude.”

The smile finally fell from the pink-haired man, who quickly pulled his hands from his pockets, “wait, wait!”

Jisung cocked an eyebrow at the man, biting his tongue as he felt the clawing at the back of his head, his synapses screaming a plea for him to get a hit of more nicotine.

“I don’t wanna sound desperate,” Felix ran his bottom lip under his teeth as he looked around nervously, “I just really wanna talk with someone that’s so different than me. I’ll even buy you dinner or something from the diner down the street.”

As insulting as the words ‘so different than me’ came off to Jisung, desperation was a bad look for anyone. “You got a car?” Felix nodded twice, biting his lip as he stared at Jisung. “Lead the way, psycho student Felix.”

Felix’s eyes went wide and his bright smile came back, beaming brighter than before. “It’s psychology, not psycho.”

The blonde rolled his eyes as he plucked the cigarette from behind his ear and tucked it in between his teeth. “I know what I said.”

The food at the diner was mediocre at best: rubbery scrambled eggs and burgers made from frozen patties that were likely a concoction of rejected organ meat slurry and textured vegetable protein. It was cheap, but it was always good. Rich in comfort, lacking in quality: the antithesis to Jisung’s life.

Jisung hadn’t been here in two years, not since his friend turned on-again, off-again boyfriend Changbin left for university, halfway across the country. This was the place they’d come to at three in the morning after hitting up a house party, where they would drunkenly curl up with each other and swap kisses that tasted like stale beer and watery coffee.

This was the place where Changbin broke up with Jisung for the final time, Changbin citing that they wouldn’t be able to stay in contact much anymore. However, he hadn’t told Jisung that he was sleeping with someone that graduated a couple years prior and was conveniently attending the same university as him.

That night tasted like vodka and strawberry soda, the latter of which Jisung never let grace his tastebuds again.

The blonde scowled down at his orange juice, watching the ring light above their table shimmer and ripple in the liquid. He hadn’t heard from Changbin in two years, and he was as bitter about it as the black, burnt edges of the hashbrowns that stuck to his plate.

“You okay?” Felix poked his fries with a fork, bringing one to his lips as he scanned Jisung’s expression.

“Are any of us okay, psycho student?”

Felix furrowed his brows and set his fork down against his plate, chewing on the crinkled french fry a bit before he swallowed. He folded his hands together and rested his chin against the interlaced fingers. “No, like,” he shrugged, eyes shifting around a bit, “I mean it. You seem kinda distant.”

Jisung rolled his eyes up to meet Felix’s and he cocked his eyebrow. He was starting to regret tagging along with this kid he barely knew, feeling like this was less of a potential friendship and more like a therapy session. “You don’t know me, man.”

“No, but I know people.”

“You’re a sophomore psychology student, dude. You don’t know shit.”

The pink-haired man sighed, back thudding against the plasticky booth. “I guess you’re right about that. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to know, though.”

“Your funeral, then.” Jisung followed suit, leaning up against the booth with a bit more tact, swinging his arm around the wood frame. “I had my first sip of alcohol when I was thirteen. Got bored when my parents fucked off to Italy on some shitty trip without me.”

Felix tilted his head up like a dog, suddenly alive with renewed interest.

“They’re only parents in blood and title.” Jisung looked down at the table, scratching inanely at a chip in the pale green linoleum. “I was raised by nannies and tutors until I was fifteen. Most parents would probably panic when they leave the house, coming back to an empty liquor cabinet. My parents? Nah, they just restocked it and told me not to drink too much at once.”

“That’s,” Felix’s voice trailed off as he looked away, milling over the new information.

“It’s fucked,” Jisung finished the sentence, then brought the plastic cup of orange juice to his mouth and took a long sip. He set the cup back down and pulled up the sleeve covering his left arm, presenting the flesh over the table. Felix visibly recoiled as he eyed dozens of scarred lines littered across the skin, some marks still relatively fresh. “Their response to this? ‘We’ll get you into therapy and you won’t do this again.’ It was always the best money could buy, but their money didn’t do shit to my brain.” He shuffled the cloth over his arm again, ignoring the look of pity Felix offered him.

“If money could buy them a better son, they would’ve traded me out, like upgrading a car on a lease.”

Felix stumbled over his words a bit as Jisung rifled through his pockets, pulling out his phone and his wallet. “You still wanna make friends with someone like me?”

It took a moment, but Felix tentatively nodded his head. “Doesn’t sound like you have many friends to begin with,” he nervously sputtered out.

Jisung cocked his head to the side and licked his teeth as he smiled. “I don’t do friends. But life’s full of surprises. Anyway, gimme your phone so we can swap contact info.”

They exchanged phone numbers and Jisung dropped a couple of bills on the table. “Don’t worry about it,” he said as soon as Felix opened his mouth to protest, “you’re a university student and I’ve got my shitty parents’ cash to burn.”

“I’ll see you next week?” Felix questioned as Jisung stepped out of his shoddy 2003 Toyota Camry.

Jisung nodded once, tipping his index and middle fingers off of his forehead. “You got it. Thanks for the ride, mate.” He slammed the door with a fake smile that faded as soon as he turned around. Sure, Felix was the antithesis of everything Jisung was, but he could prove to be a source of entertainment over the next year.

Despite being cynical and vehemently anti-religion, Jisung always said a quiet prayer to himself as he opened the door, hoping his parents weren’t home when he arrived. Today, it seemed like luck was on his side: his mother’s keys weren’t on the key rack, and his father had yet to return from some bullshit ‘business trip’ off in China. Perhaps it was Morocco or Norway; they all blurred together in a haze of indifference. All Jisung was sure of was the fact that his father had probably taken one of his mistresses away to some foreign country he was pretending to secure a business deal in.

“Everyone’s favourite fuck-up is home!” Jisung shouted in the empty vestibule, his voice echoing against the cold walls. He didn’t expect a response, so when he was greeted with a comfortable silence, he smiled to himself. He kicked his shoes off and unceremoniously tossed them into the corner by the key rack.

His heavy, heel-first footsteps echoed as he made his way towards the kitchen, pulling a bottle of wine out of a glass display cooler as he padded towards the main refrigerator. He pulled out a box of takeaway Indian curry from the night prior, setting both the box and the bottle on the marble kitchen island, shuffling his feet towards a drawer. He retrieved a fork and a wine key, tossing them onto the countertop as he pulled out his phone, pack of cigarettes, and his lighter.

Jisung opened the bottle of wine as he sat down on a stool next to the counter, tossing the cork towards the rubbish bin, shrugging as he missed. That was a problem for later, and he didn’t feel like dealing with it now. Completely ignoring the takeaway carton, Jisung grabbed the wine bottle, then took a long guzzle directly from it. He winced a bit as the flavour of fermented floral grapes perfumed his mouth with a sharp, sickly rotten scent. The bottle clattered loudly against the marble, the echoing reminding Jisung of just how alone he was in such a large house.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, bringing his phone up in front of his face, scrolling through one of his playlists until he found the right song. With a few taps, some Drake came through the kitchen speakers. Jisung turned up the volume to near max, his head subconsciously moving to the beat of “In My Feelings”. He took a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit it, the tip turning from paper and plant to a red, ashy ember as he inhaled.

Was he allowed to smoke in the house? Of course not.

Did Jisung give a shit? Absolutely not.

A text message popped up as Jisung aimlessly scrolled through his various notifications. He opened it, barely scanning through the entire message from his mother until his eyes stopped on a blue phone number. His eyes narrowed, poring over the entire message. “A coworker of mine offered to be a sponsor for you: Lee Minho. He’s a few years older than you, but he’s nice. Here’s his number, please reach out to him.”

Jisung sarcastically scoffed, locking his phone as he placed it back on the countertop, swapping it for the bottle of wine. He took a drag off of his cigarette, then took another long swig from the bottle. “We admit we’re powerless to alcohol,” he mutters the first step under his breath as he slams the bottle down on the counter.

“Maybe I don’t fucking care.”

Jisung woke up on the couch to the sound of heels clacking against the hardwood floor just before eight in the morning, his fingers jostling an empty bottle of scotch on the floor as he brought his hands to his face.

“Get cleaned up, please.” His mother’s voice was accompanied by bright spotlights suddenly shining directly on his face. “I’ve invited Minho over to meet with you.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” Jisung’s voice was low and gravelly, groaning as he sat upright. The world spun, his body carried by the false inertia his mind had created.

His mother trotted off to the kitchen, shouting over her shoulder. “I know you didn’t. I did it because I care about you, Sungie.”

The blonde rubbed his clammy hands against his face again, attempting to wipe the sleepiness from his eyes. He grabbed his phone off of the floor, then wobbled his way upright, the living room spinning around him in a familiar sense of uneasiness.

“You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself,” he muttered under his breath.

Somehow, Jisung managed to make his way upstairs to his room, stripping an article of clothing off with each lazy step from his bedroom door towards his personal washroom. By the time he got to the glass enclosure of the shower, he was totally stripped bare. Jisung distantly stared at his reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror, a gaunt and ashy doppelganger staring back at him with a pained, empty look on his face.

Instead of stepping into the shower, Jisung approached the mirror, subconsciously bringing his hands to touch his flushed face. His cheekbones were more prominent now than they were earlier in the year, dark circles painted in broad strokes under his eyes. His gaze trailed down the scars he had inflicted on his arms and on his thighs, reminders of the failed attempts to take his own life that he was now forced to carry with him, wearing each line and mark as a badge of shame.

A warm tear rolled down his face as it contorted into an expression of terror and hurt, before he took his fist and crashed it into the mirror in front of him, a spiderweb of the impact left behind in the cracked glass as he pulled his bloodied knuckles away. Some glass shattered to the floor, some still wedged in the gaps between his fingers, and Jisung stared at the crack that split his reflection into several fragments.

How he was still alive was beyond him.

“Mrs. Han, please,” a lilted, unfamiliar laugh travelled up the staircase as Jisung slowly made his way down towards the first floor. He squinted at the noise that caused his head to throb, realizing that someone unknown speaking to his mother, likely the Minho she had mentioned earlier. With each step he took towards the drawing room, the voice got louder, each staccatoed laugh more pronounced.

“Jisung, come sit,” his mother said, replacing the genuine smile on her face with a fake, ‘Vaseline-on-the-teeth’ smile. She motioned towards the empty space on the couch, opposite from the young brunette that turned around.

Jisung met his eyes and it suddenly felt like his surroundings cracked and shattered around him, like the mirror upstairs. Rich brown eyes glistened behind the black and gold browline glasses that rested against the bridge of his nose. Rose-tinted lips curled upwards in a shy smile, revealing large, rabbit-like front teeth that rested softly against his bottom lip.

“Hi,” the stranger said with a gentle wave, “I’m Minho. Resident biochemist at the pharmaceutical company your mother works for.”

As Jisung made his way over to the open spot on the couch, he squinted, refusing to break eye contact with the strange invader. It felt like he was a wild animal on display, about to be poked and prodded by zookeeper staff or by scientists in some sort of underground, off-the-books laboratory. It would fit, after all, since the man was some sort of scientist.

“I’ll let you be,” Jisung’s mother says, rising to her feet. “Maybe you should tell Minho about your little misstep last night, hmm?”

Jisung rolled his tongue over his bottom lip and shook his head sarcastically. “Go enjoy your overfilled glass of wine at nine-fucking-thirty, ma. I’ll be here spilling my guts to a stranger that gives more of a shit about me than you.” Minho winced and his expression fell from cheerful to shocked.

The men stared at each other, Jisung’s gaze layered with arrogance, and Minho’s heavy with awkward discomfort. “So,” the younger man kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, pulling a pack of cigarettes and his trusted lighter from his sweatshirt pocket, hoping to wrap up the conversation as soon as possible. “I know you work with my mother, you’re an alcoholic, and your name’s Minho.” As quickly as Jisung could take in a breath, the cigarette between his teeth was lit, and he was glaring at the intruder through the grey haze that came between them. Their eyes met again, Jisung growing more and more wary by the second. “Why should I pick you as my sponsor, when I feel like you’re just gonna snitch to my mother?”

Minho’s jaw looked like it was clenched too tight, his bottom eyelids squinted upwards as he studied the younger man in front of him. They watched each other, eyeing each micromovement the other’s face made. About halfway through Jisung’s cigarette, Minho finally broke the uncomfortable eye contact, and took a deep breath. “I’m not asking for you to trust me, or to spill your life story,” he shifted, sitting upright, “but for you to see me as a mentor when things get hard and you want to dampen your feelings with alcohol. I’ve been there, Jisung.”

Indignation washed over the younger man’s face, quickly replaced by a familiar wave of arrogance. Jisung shook his head, ashing his cigarette directly onto the floor. “Doubt it,” he tutted, licking his teeth as he nodded his head, staring at the ring on Minho’s finger. He smirked to himself, then turned his head away and up towards the ceiling. “Looks like you’ve got someone that loves you. I don’t know what that feels like; never have, never will.”

The elder chewed on his bottom lip, clenching his fist as his eyes subconsciously scanned the ring on his finger. “Had.”

“What?” Jisung turned his head back towards Minho with a look of disgust on his face, ashes falling from his cigarette.

The brunette sighed, leaning further into the couch, nervously running his thumb over his balled up fingers. “He’s the reason I turned to drinking, to fill the void he left in my heart when he died.”

Shit.

For the first time in ages, Jisung felt a slight pang of regret twinge in his abdomen.

Minho swallowed hard, almost as if he were holding back his emotions. “We were married for five years, together since high school. You’d think I would’ve known the signs, but Chan was so good at hiding things, hiding his pain from everyone.”

The ember in Jisung’s cigarette died out as he found himself enraptured in Minho’s story.

Chan was Minho’s high school sweetheart. They started dating their sophomore year of high school, both attended the same university, and they got married when they were twenty. To Minho, Chan was everything. They supported each other, making the other man stronger and gave them a reason to go on.

Minho had no idea that Chan was severely depressed, holding his true feelings to his heart. Not long after Minho’s twenty-fifth birthday, Chan disappeared, only leaving a journal behind. It had started off with an apology, that if Minho found his journal, that it was too late to save him and that Chan had simply given up. On nearly every page, Chan reiterated that it wasn’t Minho’s fault, that Chan was just too far gone beyond repair, that Minho had given him a new lease on life, but it wasn’t enough.

Exactly three weeks after Chan had gone missing, police were on the doorstep of their shared home.

“Dental records,” Minho whispered, his eyes distant and glazed over as he lost himself in the memory. “That’s how they knew it was Chan. I don’t remember much after that, but I thought that I could find the answer to why Chan took his own life at the bottom of a bottle.”

Jisung’s grip on the arm of the couch was so tight, his knuckles had turned white and they were starting to ache.

“Several bottles,” Minho continued, “several bottles and several near-death experiences waking up in the hospital later, and I still hadn’t figured out the answer. I figured that maybe I’d see him again if I drank enough. Now,” he folded his arms, tucking his chin into his chest, “I’ve accepted that I’ll never know the answer to that question, that I need to live on for him. If there’s an afterlife, maybe I’ll get to ask him myself. Until then, though,” Minho rolled his teary eyes up to meet Jisung’s uncomfortable gaze, “I just want to atone for not doing enough before. I want to help others that are hurting, you know?”

They continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours, until Jisung finally shook his head. His voice cracked as he tried to speak. “Sorry,” his apology was shockingly sincere, “I guess I spoke before I thought.”

Minho awkwardly smirked, dismissively waving his hand in between them. “Don’t worry about it. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been at rock bottom and that there’s a way up and out, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort.”

Maybe Jisung was willing to give Minho a try.

At first, Jisung agreed to meet with Minho once a week after the mandatory AA meeting he attended. It took seven visits spanning seven weeks before Jisung eventually opened up about the neglect he faced from both of his parents, the emptiness he felt from being raised by nannies, feeling like money was more important than his own life.

Ten weeks in, they started hanging out on the weekends. Their relationship shifted from mentorship to friendship, and it was somewhat a relief that Jisung finally had someone he could trust enough to call his friend.

Week fourteen was when things started to shift further. Jisung hadn’t consumed alcohol in eight weeks, and things were clearing up, slowly but surely. He had been meeting with Felix more and more, too — maybe they weren’t quite friends yet, but Jisung was at least trying.

Things were looking up for the first time in Jisung’s life.

At week sixteen, Jisung stayed over at Minho’s apartment, convincing him that he needed to watch Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. The blonde had vehemently pressed that it was, quite possibly, one of the best series of all time, animated or otherwise. After some gentle pressure, Minho finally caved, and they sat on his couch, diving into the show and into some mediocre takeaways.

They had gotten through the first three episodes and Minho finally relented that, yes, it was a good show and that, yes, Jisung was right.

“I knew you’d like it, dude,” Jisung snickered, playfully poking at Minho’s chest. The corner of his lips tugged upward into a crooked smile, and he wore Minho’s seal of approval as some sort of badge of honour.

The brunette turned away, softly smiling into his shoulder as a rush of crimson started to tint his face. “You’ve got me trying all sorts of new things, Ji,” Minho rubbed the back of his neck for a moment before he flashed his teeth at the younger man. “So much for me being the mentor here, huh?”

Jisung sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth at the nickname, trying to ignore the warmth blossoming up his face. He tried to stumble out some sort of response, but he caught himself getting lost in the way that the overhead lights shimmered in Minho’s eyes, highlighting the soft amber and warm bursts of hazelnut that erupted around his pupils. His expression started to falter, and he felt a familiar rush of excitement bloom in his chest, causing his nerves to come to life all around his body.

He remembered that this was how it felt right before he shared his first drunken kiss with Changbin, but something about this felt different. Perhaps it was the fact that Jisung was completely sober, but he desperately wanted Minho to kiss him, to want him back. However, Jisung wasn’t sure if it would have been a good idea, pondering over if Minho was really ready to start a new relationship, especially with someone he was supposed to be mentoring.

“Something on your mind?” Minho’s voice was soft as it gently guided Jisung back to the moment. “You’re kinda spacing out on me.”

“No, no,” Jisung stumbled around the words he wasn’t sure he could say, suddenly distracted by the television in the background. “I guess I was just thinking about the show.”

Minho’s head tilted to the side, concurrently lifting his brow in confusion. “You guess?”

Jisung waved his hand in between them and readjusted his posture so he was further away from Minho. “Yeah, I mean, I’ve seen it so many times, but it’s one of those shows that you watch and you see something new each time and—”

Warm fingers were suddenly on the side of Jisung’s face, pulling him back into Minho’s space. “You’re a terrible liar.” The voice was soft, yet assertive; low, but so loud. Jisung’s eyes went wide as Minho’s apartment blurred around him, his vision suddenly taken over by the sight of the brunette’s face right up next to his. In front of him.

Before Jisung could process what was happening, he was subconsciously pressing his lips into Minho’s, trying to remember exactly how kissing worked. It was years since the last time he had any practice, but it all came back to him as Minho helped guide Jisung’s face with his hands.

Minho’s tongue was soft, warm, and damp as it gently pressed up against Jisung’s lips, wordlessly pleading for entrance. Without letting his mind mill over the fine details and concerns he possibly had, Jisung parted his lips. Timidly, he rolled his tongue around Minho’s, his hands quivering as his fingers scrambled for purchase in Minho’s hair.

Unlike anyone Jisung had kissed before, this felt right, even if there were some uncomfortable grinding of teeth and awkward nose bumping. Within a reasonable amount of time, they slowly became experts at training the way the other wanted to be kissed. As if Minho could read Jisung’s mind, he would interrupt his soft kisses with gentle nips and grazes at Jisung’s bottom lip.

“Please,” Jisung’s voice cracked as Minho pulled his teeth down his bottom lip, “my neck, I…”

Minho swiftly moved his lips from Jisung’s, peppering tiny pecks against his jawline to his ear, stopping to take the blonde’s earlobe into his mouth with his tongue, grazing the tender flesh between his teeth. Jisung’s back involuntarily arched as the grooves of Minho’s teeth pulled at his sensitive skin, the sensation causing his nerves to come to life with an electrical jolt from head to toe.

The brunette chuckled, his warm breath brushing up against the tiny hairs on Jisung’s ear. He said nothing, simply moving down to press a few soft kisses to the skin just below the younger man’s earlobe. Minho’s lips were soft, gentle, only to be quickly replaced by a sudden, harsh bite into the tender flesh.

A yelp, accompanied by uncontrollable twitching, came from Jisung, who was simultaneously melting into Minho, but also pulling away. The elder’s fingers dug into the blonde’s waist, keeping him in the same position, not allowing him to escape. Jisung’s yelp had faded into a whimper, which evolved into a moan as Minho sucked the flesh between his teeth, quickly repeating the process several times in various spots along Jisung’s neck.

The moans were increasing in volume and breathiness, Jisung subconsciously, frantically rutting his pelvis into the couch. Minho must have caught on to this, letting go of Jisung’s waist to ease him down onto the couch. He pressed his lips to Jisung’s again, dancing his fingertips down to the waistband of the younger man, who was completely blissed out.

“Can I help you with this?” Minho’s voice was somehow both soft yet assertive as his palm pressed against Jisung's clothed erection.

Words eluded Jisung, verbal language suddenly turning into complex algebraic equations that didn’t translate from his head to his tongue. Instead, he groaned in affirmation as he hopelessly rolled his hips upward, finding himself pitiful that he was so desperately craving for Minho to just keep fucking touching him.

Things started to blur in a haze of wanton desire. Minho’s hand gently stroked Jisung’s cock, paying special attention to the way that his fingers and palm brushed against the head. Involuntary twitches took over Jisung as he whimpered and mewled, his shoulder blades grinding into the couch. Minho continued to nibble and bite at Jisung’s neck, occasionally whispering words of assurance and praise into his ear.

“You’re doing so well,” as he slowly dragged his hand from the base of Jisung’s cock up to his head.

“I can’t imagine how incredible you would feel around me,” as he gently thumbed the slit, rubbing precum around the sensitive head and causing Jisung to bite the back of his hand as he failed to stifle a cracked moan.

Jisung’s breaths turned erratic and he was nearly convulsing as his body started to twitch. Minho shifted his weight to his knees, slowing his strokes just enough so that he could awkwardly shift one leg off of the couch to position his head in a way he could take Jisung into his mouth.

“What are you—” Jisung started to question, until he found himself losing control of his body as Minho rolled his tongue around his cock. “Fuck, Minho!” He clamped his eyes shut, arching his back upward, hitting the back of Minho’s throat as he convulsed, his orgasm suddenly completely taking over him. “Minho,” he whined and unclenched his fists; “Minho,” he panted and opened his eyes; “Minho.” With one last breath, he was back to reality.

This had to have been the closest thing to heaven that Jisung thought he would ever experience.

Jisung had stayed over at Minho’s that night, too tired to function like a normal human. They slept on the couch together, necks crooned in uncomfortable positions all night long, bodies stiff from the unnatural firmness that Minho’s couch held. The next morning, they chose not to discuss the night prior, but they did exchange some soft kisses, until Jisung protested, mentioning that their morning breath was distracting him from actually enjoying the kiss.

Their weekends continued on like this: spending time watching a couple of episodes of their chosen programme until they got distracted and lost within each other. Nothing progressed further than handjobs, the occasional blowjob, and the one time that they rolled around naked, making out for so long and so intensely that the way they pressed their bodies together caused Jisung to come without any additional stimulation — and, hey, they liked it.

The budding relationship between them was confusing. During the week, Minho acted like the appropriate, wise mentor, with Jisung as his eager pupil. When the weekend came around, however, all bets were off. In everything but title, they were boyfriends for all intents and purposes. Every time Jisung tried to bring it up, Minho would shut down, saying that he wasn’t ready to really think seriously about it yet.

So, Jisung didn’t press. He was sure that their intimate interactions were causing conflicting emotions to arise within Minho, emotions he probably had been ignoring since Chan’s death, trying to shove them down as time went on. Even though he wanted to navigate the full spectrum of sexual experiences with Minho, Jisung remained silent until Minho was ready.

[takaraphoenix]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks to @light-miracles​ for tagging me! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

As of this week, 1004 fics! :D”

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

8,052,836 words and counting ;)

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Gosh that depends on how you define “fandom”. Like, does the Rise of the Brave, Tangled Dragons fandom count as one, because the crossover makes it one fandom, or would you count the movies individually? Same goes to DC.

The way I would count it, I’d say 27. Counting all the DC properties under the DC umbrella as one, same for the crossover fandoms.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (Marvel, Loki/Tony, 6245 kudos)

The Lion’s Pride (Voltron, Shiro/Keith/Lance, 5615 kudos)

Percy and the Ghost King of Summers High (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 4680 kudos)

Percy Jackson, Ambassador of Hades (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 3841 kudos)

My College Boyfriend (PJatO, Nico/Percy, 3613 kudos)

Deadass, this feels like a glitch. I have written seventy-nine multiple-chapter fics. By virtue of having multiple chapters, they tend to draw in a bigger crowd of people. And even if not, I could think of a dozen of more deserving oneshots off the top of my head, at least. I do not understand number 5 at all, it makes no sense, I have 1004 fics and by virtue of people clicking a button, this incredibly... mundane... not-even-3k-long fic is the fifth place for most-heart-button-clicks...? Like, it’s not a bad fic, it is just... impossibly boringly slice of life? Nothing happens in it? It’s not even one of the long oneshots where a lot of plot or feelings - or heck even insanely kinky smut I’d get - happens? I truly can not fathom what made this story so much more worthy of clicking the dumb heart-button than all of the hundreds of stories that have... so much more going on in it...? My brain genuinely can’t comprehend this.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Always. Because it feels like the polite thing to do. Sadly, receiving comments is not a given. Even when people like a fic - especially on AO3, with its cop-out “just click here to leave a heart” alternative, and yes I absolutely do think that that’s part of why many people don’t leave comments, because they are so conditioned through social media to think that a like-button is all it takes to communicate. So, in this comment-economy, I do think it’s worth to say thank you to those who do take the time and make the effort to leave actual feedback and truly let you know they enjoyed the story or what they enjoyed about the story.

6. A fic you've written with the angstiest ending.

That’d be a Beyblade oneshot from my German fandom days that was unrequited love ending in a suicide.

7. Do you write cross overs?

I used ot greatly dislike crossovers, because they only cater to a very specific group of people where those fandoms actually overlap for. But then I came across the whole Tangled/Brave/RotG/HttYD crossover fandom and it kind of took me by surprise. Opened my eyes to crossovers and since then, I’ve dipped into quite a couple different kinds of crossovers.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Were you really a fanfic author in the 2010 decade if you didn’t receive hate from the censorship and purity cult? Or, heck, in the beginning of that decade, from the homophobic “ew slash ships are evil and gross” crowd? :/

9. Do you write smut?

You could say that, yeah. *chuckles*

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

*ugly sobbing* I hate wattpad--

11. Ever had a fic translated?

I have been asked for permission more often than I can count, but I just... I just don’t like that? The thought of my fics on other people’s account, even when they do give credit to me as the original author.

And a bunch of the stolen fics on wattpad were, indeed, people who just decided to translate my fics and post them, all without my permission.

I did translate one fic myself though, because I wrote it when Germany passed the marriage equality law, so I wrote it in German and then figured I should also post it in English. ^^

12. Have you ever co written a fic?

Yes, I have! With the very lovely @kimmycup! ^-^

13. All time Fav ship.

ALL time. I think I have to go with Kaito/Shinichi from Detective Conan. It’s, by now, the ship that’s been with me the longest in an active way. I still get excited about them, I even wrote a fic for them just last month to celebrate my 1000th AO3 fic.

14. WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

*looks shamefully at Animexx* Basically all my old Beyblade fics. I dropped out of that fandom too suddenly and it doesn’t help that they’re in German and I’ve stopped writing in German.

15. Writing strengths?

Writing speed and the ability to plan ahead; both, when I write a fic as well as planning my schedule ahead.

16. Writing weakness?

Endings? I really struggle with when to end a fic and how.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

It’s stupid and unnecessary. Use italics and note what language they’re speaking in. Like, look, if it’s a language you actually speak, I can understand the temptation, but 90% of those include an A/N about how the author used Google translate for that and just... why.

And I straight-up hate when authors then don’t include the translation directly behind the spoken part but rather at the very end of the chapter... I don’t... I don’t want to scroll down to look at what I am just trying to read in the middle of the chapter and then have to find the place I was before? It completely breaks the reading flow.

I think that petnames, even some phrases, do make things more authentic, when you’re writing bilingual characters. But when it’s entire dialogues, that’s too much and should just be indicated that it is being said in another language.

18. First Fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19. What's your fav fic you've written so far?

It always depends. I have a lot of fics I am very proud of, or that I think are incredibly well-done. But for me my favorite fic would be defined by the one I enjoy rereading the most. Within the last year or so, I’d say it’s probably The Lost Soulmarks, but there are a bunch I’m bouncing back and forth between and it’s also always up to what fandom or pairing I’m craving. There’s no one holy grail fic that I hold over all others, I guess.

Tagging @kimmycup, @fallenqueen2, @miazeklos, @donnas-troia, @justonemorechapternicercy

[queenlua]

You're a druid and an ex-evangelical, right? What does being a druid mean to you? How did you get from evangelicalism to where you are now? And of course feel free to ignore this if it's nosy. (sincerely, a Christian who wants to leave but who doesn't know what to do)

this is going to make me sound ignorant as hell, lol, but i'm happy to share

under a cut because this got very long, sorry, lol.

my personal progression was: "vaguely christian -> VERY christian -> christian agnostic -> agnostic/atheist -> agnostic/druid -> some sorta druid-neopagan-animist thing."  i guess i'll just go through what made me switch between each of those, and close out with some high-level thoughts that may be helpful for you?

okay, so when i was

VAGUELY CHRISTIAN,

i went to Sunday school every week because That's What You Do, and because my whole hometown was very southern Baptist, i never questioned the veracity of its teachings much... until they ran a whole weekly series on "why [x] is wrong," where [x] is some other group

e.g., we had a week on why Mormons are wrong, and i didn't bat an eye because i hadn't even known Mormons existed until that moment

then we had a week on why Muslims are wrong, and that... bothered me, because i had a friend who was Muslim, and she was just objectively a better person than me, and i was like "any universe where she goes to hell and i don't seems really fucked up"

then we had a week on why EVOLUTION was wrong, and that just absolutely threw me, because while i hadn't thought about evolution much (i think i was in fourth grade or so), it seemed common-sense? scientists thought highly of it? "adaptation over time" just seems logical?

so i went to the public library every day after school for like a week, read some Darwin and some science books, and came back to my Sunday school teacher with, like, an itemized list of objections to the whole "evolution is wrong" thing.  and he came up with some standard Answers In Genesis rebuttals, and i did more research and came back the next week with more science, and we repeated this a few times until he was like "lua, you just gotta take some things on faith"

which.  lmao.  full existential crisis time, because no matter how hard i thought, i couldn't *not* believe in the science, but i also didn't want to go to hell, so i was like "maybe if i believe SUPER HARD i will SOMEDAY be able to unbelieve the condemn-me-to-hell bits"

so i decided to become

VERY CHRISTIAN

and my frantic googling for shit like "proof of god" and "god and evolution" *eventually* broke me out of the Answers In Genesis circles of the internet, and into some decent Christian apologia, like, think First Things and various Catholic bloggers.  and there, i found some way to square my gut sense that evolution was right, with a spiritual worldview.

like, i remember finding some blogger who said:

"young earth creationists get tripped up when they try to explain stars that are millions of light-years away, and end up basically arguing that God's tricking us somehow, and—no!  my God lets you believe in the evidence of your eyes, my God does not demand that you make yourself ignorant or stupid, my God expects you to use your brain"

and i just started crying at my computer, because no one had ever said "using your brain is Good and part of God's will," i was like *finally* here's someone who won't tell me i'm going to hell for just *thinking* about things

(st. augustine does a much better riff on a similar theme, fwiw, but i only found him later)

still, it was an uneasy fit, because, the more i learned and read about world history, the more it seemed... weird... that the One And Singular Path To Salvation was... the successor to some niche desert cult... which didn't even occur at the *beginning* of written history, like, it was all predated by that whole Mithraism thing, etc... and like, sure, i could trot out all the standard theological talking points for why Actually This Makes Perfect Sense, but gut-level-wise, the aesthetics just seemed kinda dumb!  and no level of talking myself out of it made that feeling go away!

so at this point i started referring to myself as a

CHRISTIAN AGNOSTIC

i mean, not aloud.  i still lived in southernbaptistopia and i didn't want, like, my hair stylist to tell me i was a horrible person.  but in my *head* i called myself Christian agnostic and it felt right.

and i started church-hopping, which honestly was really fun, would recommend to anyone at any point.  i visited the fire-and-brimstone baptist church, the methodist church, the episcopalians, the universal unitarians, etc.

unfortunately, while this gave me *some* new perspectives, each of the places either had the same shitty theology as my old megachurch (i remember the *acute* sense of despair i felt when i was starting to jive with a methodist church... only for the dumbass youth minister to start going on about evolution), or, they just lacked any sense of the *sacred*.  like, the Church of Christ churches, with their a capella services, *definitely* had it; i felt more God there in one service than i did in a lifetime of shitty Christian rock at the megachurch.  but their beliefs were even *more* batshit, so.  big L on that one.

having failed to find a satisfactory church, i was basically

AGNOSTIC/ATHEIST

by the time i went to college, but honestly pretty unhappy about it; while it was harder than ever for me to actually *connect* with the divine, i didn't like thinking that my previous experiences of the divine were total lies.  because my shitty evangelical church, for all its faults, could not *completely* sabotage the sense of God's presence.  there were real moments in that church where i do believe i experienced something divine.  mostly mediated by one particular youth minister, who in hindsight was the only spiritual teacher in that church who didn't seem a bit rotten inside, but!  it was something!

so when i happened upon a bunch of writings on the now-defunct shii.org (that's the bit that makes me look WILDLY ignorant, lol), i was utterly captivated.

said author was a previous archdruid of the Reformed Druids of North America, an organization that was formed in the 1960s to troll the administration of Carleton College (there was a religious-service-attendance requirement; they made their own religion; their religion had whiskey and #chilltimes for its services).  however, this shii.org dude seemed to take it pretty seriously.  he was studying history of religion and blogged a lot about his studies, both academic and otherwise.  while RDNA had started out as a troll, that didn't mean they hadn't *discovered* something real in the process, he said.

this, already, was going to be innately appealing to me; i've got a soft spot for wow-we-were-doing-this-ironically-but-now-it's-kinda-real? stuff in general.

in particular, shii.org’s discussions on the separation of ritual from belief was really interesting to me: most religions/spiritualities have *both*, but like, you can do a ritual without having the Exact Right Beliefs (if there even is such a thing!), and it can still be useful to you, it can have real power.  (he had a really lovely essay, speculating on the origins of religion as just a form of art, but that essay is now lost to the sands of time, alas.)

(note that i wouldn't really recommend seeking out *recent* writing by the shii.org guy; he kinda went full tedious neoreactionary-blowhard-who-reads-a-lot-of-Spengler at some point?  sigh.)

the shii.org guy led me to checking out a bunch of books on the history of neopaganism & also books by scholars of religion in general, and the more i read, the more excited i became.  and i started doing little ritual/meditation stuff here and there.

then i was fortunate enough to attend some events with Earthspirit (this was when i lived in Boston), which cemented my hippie dalliances into something more real.  the folks there, being from Boston, were all ridiculously overeducated (a sensibility that appeals to me), but also, being the kind of folks who drive out to a mountain in the middle of nowhere for a spiritual retreat, they tolerated a full range of oddities (everyone from aging-70s-feminist-wiccans to living-on-a-farm-with-your-bros-Astaru to dude-who-started-having-weird-visions-and-is-just-trying-to-figure-out-the-deal to Nordic-spiritualist-with-two-phds-from-Scandanavian-universities-on-the-subject, etc), which gave me a lot of room to explore different types of rituals, ceremonies, "magic", etc.

(polytheism in general lends itself well to this sort of easy plurality!  i can believe other people are experiencing something real with their gods, and i can be talking to a totally different set of gods, and that’s just all very compatible, etc)

anyway, i started calling myself

AGNOSTIC/DRUID

around then, because i knew i'd found *something*, something that felt like all the realest moments i'd ever had in nature, and all the realest moments i'd ever had in that shitty megachurch, but i wasn't quite ready to put a theology to it.

but, idk, you do the thing for a while, and you start encountering some things that you may as well call gods, and you realize you're in pretty deep, and you ditch the "agnostic" bit and just throw hands and start describing yourself as

SOME SORTA DRUID-NEOPAGAN-ANIMIST THING

because that's the most precise thing you can muster.  in particular, the druid bit resonates because nature's still very much at the center of my practice; the neopagan bit resonates because i'm not especially interested in reconstructing older traditions or being faithful to any actual pre-Christian traditions, and animist resonates because what i sometimes call gods seem to be tied pretty tightly to the land itself.  it's all very experiential; all this mostly means i'm some weird chick who sometimes grabs a car and drives out someplace very lonely and hikes for a while and does some hippie shit to try and talk with the land or the god or whatever is there.  and sometimes i come back from it changed, or refocused, or what-have-you, and hopefully i'm better for it.  i'm aware this makes me look a little ridiculous, and is an unsatisfying answer, sorry!

WRT YOUR SITUATION

i don't know you or your situation, obviously, but if i wanted to give former-me some advice to save her some angst, i'd say

-> Christendom itself is far wilder and more diverse than many churches lead you to believe.  if you still want to be Christian on some level, and it's just a shitty church that's convinced you the whole project is fucked, i'd honestly explore, i dunno, your nearest Quaker meeting.  they're invoking the Holy Spirit with regularity but they're not raging douchenozzles about it.

-> if you're specifically interested in druidism, i found John Michael Greer's "A World Full of Gods" really nice.  (caveat: Greer has *also* gone full right-wing nutjob these days, sigh, so like.  would not recommend a great swath of his writing.  but that one's good)

-> deciding that a just God wouldn't give me a brain and then ask me not to use it was hugely comforting to me.  like, that was the start of the whole process, that was what made me feel ok searching for other churches and trying to find something that fit.  obviously you should take this with 800 grains of salt, because obviously i'm no longer Christian, and thus maybe i'm just some poor misguided fallen soul, but... i still kinda believe that!  maybe if you can make yourself believe that, it'll seem less scary?

idk, happy to answer more questions, sorry for the long ramble, hope it helped~