#i came here for somebody else.... and now im trying hard to heal

[pinkopalina]

SOMETIMES I FANTASIZE ABOUT FAKING MY OWN DEATH

just to see how it would make you feel

[ever-fics]

Part 3 Rock you like a Hurricane

All set in 1992

"Y/N!... Y/N!" The Dorm seems empty so Y/N figures its one of those weird feelings when somebody hears somebody calling their name and no one is. Y/Ns dormmate is completely asleep. As she should be...”Y/N!" This time there was pounding at the door ... Unmistakable that someone was at the door

Until... Y/N opened it to reveal an empty hallway.

The hall was dark barring the flashlight she had brought. .... There was a faint sound of footsteps leading into the dorms shared living room. The Tv on but only on black and white static and the occasional glitch word. Until it wasn't. *Y/N Heard the clicking of a VHS tape slide into the monitor as well as the processing noises it makes as it spins.* “Happy Halloween..." *The voice is familiar horrific and nostalgic all at once.**Is that...?**No.. No way in hell.* “Suzie... I'm right here if you need me have fun try not to eat too much candy..." *Thier father warns.The screen goes to a weird distorted static of the next part of the video.* When it's clear again it seems Suzie is holding the camera.* “Follow me...." *The spine-chilling voice requested.* *The absolute discomfort of the whole situation had the hair the back of Y/N's neck standing up. The man in the video who Y/N assumed was Michaels Father just sounded apathetic bored maybe... like he wanted to be anywhere but there.*There is … Calculation to it… To their crying family dog who’s leg had broke “somehow… “

Y/N remembered that and how hard she worked to get their dog back to his playful self after what he had seen happened to Suzie… Y/N knew that deep down…. But to see from Suzies eyes the moment of her death the sickening fall of the Camera….It felt too sickeningly real… Especially when the scene didn’t stop with the camera falling…. Y/N guessed she was being shown by Suzie the moment of her death. The horror of realizing your entire future had been snuffed out. As you see Suzie stare at her own body …. She worries about her dog who hobbles ran back to our father and came home after Suzie didn’t…There is a moment of freezing not because of temperature but ,because Suzie was 10 years old.Theres a list of things she was supposed to have had the options to do with her life… Finish elementary school,Start middle school, Join clubs, Go to all the places in the world that now only her missing persons posters have.

Now Y/N was seeing all of it as Suzie had Screaming with no sound Coming out at all as William Afton cleaned what little was left of her life and memory off the floor.

Thats the thing nobody considers about bloodstains…. They are the one last desperate remain when all else has gone.They are the last living bit of someone who is perhaps no longer living. Not only did William Afton Murder Y/N’s sister but he whistles something calmly as be scrubs the last mortal traces of what was once Suzie off the floor …. Rubber gloves soap easy to mistake for diligence or cleaning the establishment he owned.. But it was the whistled song from … Snow white? That made the scene even more eerie…this guy is whistling whistle while you work … while he cleans up and makes what happened to Suzie a missing persons case rather than a murder case.

*Oddly enough Y/N woke up crying… with this awful feeling of hollow finality at what she had just watched.

________________________\\

Micheal blushes slightly “I um…. I just wanted to tell you…. Im sorry for not telling you sooner…. For not being able to express myself properly…. For everything….”

“You don’t have to apologize Micheal… I messed up too and i did a lot of the same things you did… To try to feel safe again? To heal from the guilt I felt at my last conversation with her being a fight over a meaningless doll. There was so much I wanted to say to her but I couldn’t so … I choked on every word I didn’t say for years. The biggest one being Im sorry… and I miss you but… daydreaming what I would have done isn’t going to bring my sister back from the dead or get her justice.

You might be the only other person alive who could possibly get what that feels like all of it.. We both lost people… people we cared about but we didnt always get along with…. We both tried to hide the fact weve always been geeks at heart with pretending to be one of the so called “cool kids.” If my suspision is right you are looking for answers too maybe the same answers I am.”* Y/N explains*

“So…. You think…. That we could be friends?.. Like real ones?….” Micheal's voice sounds slightly excited and hopeful.

“If you want to be friends …like real ones. Im sure that can be arranged.”Y/N smiles.

“Then yes please…. Please…." Micheal says softly, holding onto Y/N’s hand tightly as he stands there waiting patiently for a response.

“Okay then…” Y/N smiles with thier heart racing

After a few moments of awkward distracted silence and half nervous glances pass by... Micheal finally speaks up again. “Can I come inside?….." He asks shyly, wanting nothing more than to be close to Y/N.

“oh wait … you are still in the hall! I'm so sorry that was so rude of me.”’Y/N explains embarrassed walking into the dorm.

“It’s okay… Don’t worry about it…" Micheal tells them gently Maybe we should hangout sometime…. Or even do stuff together…. It would be nice to spend time with someone else besides my family…. And you seem fun enough to hang out with….” Micheal explains

“Yeah… no for sure…. Im still suprized you didnt actually … hate me … so Im going to like adjust to that.” Y/N chuckles.

“I didn’t really hate you either…. I mean you were kinda annoying sometimes but other times you were funny or cute…. So its fine if you want to hang out with me….” Micheal explains leaning against the dorm room wall smiling wide.*

Alright.” Y/N smiles…. “But I should probably fill eachother in on everything since high school first?”

“After highschool? Was the question right… yeah… I still work for my father at Freddys as a night guard. Which is why I was at the arcade game section anyway.” *Micheal explains.*

“That doesnt bother you being there…. that late?… With the history and the missing persons and the confirmed bodies they found at other locations I mean..” Y/N asks.

“Well not really… My Dad pays well and lets me live rent free which helps alot.” *Micheal says laughing lightly.*

“Can I ask you a question? … Um … Its going to sound a little weird but … I just need to know.” Y/N hesitates before asking

“Sure thing…. What is it?” Micheals face lights up again as he waits patiently for them to continue.

“Do you…ever feel like that weird gut feeling someone who you know is dead isnt gone?” Y/N wonders.

“Yes… All the time.” Micheal answers honestly. “It makes sense though… ” Micheal adds calmly before looking back at Y/N...

“Um… Since High school I … started studying psychology but specfically psychological profiling…. l dropped the whole perfect cheerleader facade …That was always just me trying to live the legacy Suzie was supposed to have. To Make sure I wasnt the continued Dissapointment of the Davie’s family…but It wasnt worth it considering how many times theyd cut up my uniform or tell the teacher i caused whatever problem it was this time….I just wanted to be treated like a human again…” Y/N sighs.

“So your upset about being called a disappointment?” Micheal asks gently, “Or are you more upset about how much trouble you got into because of it?” He looks down at them sadly, knowing exactly where Y/N was coming from.

“Both… If I had not… I was so annoyed with her because she stole my …doll after I agreed to be dress like it for halloween… that year I… whatever happened to her… I never got to tell her… The last thing I said to her… was I .. I wished I didn’t have a sister. I think about It everyday … its been 11 years and I still …. They blame me… maybe if I didnt yell she wouldnt have disappeared … maybe if I went with her things would have been different … I stopped being me and started to be Replacement Suzie or the Suzie they could still raise… I tried telling them I didnt think she was gone… That made everything worse…”Y/N doesnt make eye contact.

“I would do anything and I mean Anything to take it back….I she was the cool one the real cool one …I live with so much guilt and no where to .. explain it or put it I..” Y/N breathes shakily.

Micheal stands up slowly and walks over to Y/N and hugs them tightly. "Shh…shhh…" he whispers softly in their ear. "Its okay...it's gonna be alright..." His voice sounds reassuring yet sad at the same time. "...Just let go”

“How… do you do that? because if you know how to stop having the nightmares where… My parents get the call the finally found her…. her body… and I have to watch as the little sister who lived to be older…. remove the body of a child who was supposed to be older than me….”Y/N sighs. “I swear I still see her sometimes …. Or hear her I…. I dont know… Last nights was the most vivid nightmare about her I had had in a long time it felt so... Real...like a memory.”

Micheal holds onto YN’s shoulders tightly.

“If there is something else bothering you… Please talk to me about it… I can help…” Micheal says quietly, looking into their eyes lovingly.

“I just have to find out what happened to her … what actually happened to her…. Im working on being able to figure it out… Detective classes, Forensic psych, psychological profiling. Im going to find what happened Im going to solve the disapearance of Suszie Davies and …maybe the other kids too…” *Y/N explains.*

“What are you doing now? Are you trying to find…” He pauses before asking his question, wanting to ask but afraid of the answer. “Are you trying to find her body?”

“Im trying to find anything that gives me answers as to what happened to my sister…. I …I have….I have too… Its the only way I redeem myself with my parents … because I can never be her …I will never be her… and she will never get to grow up like she was supposed too. So there is only one thing I can do for her now and that means ending all this for good. No more deaths no more accidents. The only proper apology I can give her now.” *Y/N explains with a heavy sigh.*

“I understand…. But why did you choose to come here? To me? Why not someone else?” He asks curiously, leaning forward slightly. “Why didn’t you go to your dad?” He asks worriedly, concerned for Y/N’s safety.

“Yeah let me ask my Dad who sees me as Suzie 2.0 and blames me for what happened”Y/N sighs.

“Is he always so angry?” Micheal asks, concern evident in his tone. “Doesn’t he realize how much pain he causes you by treating you like this?” He asked sadly.

“He doesnt even know he is doing it which makes it …. worse….” Y/N Shrugs

“That must be hard…..” Micheal nods sympathetically, understanding exactly how difficult it would be to live through such an abusive relationship. “Do you think maybe you should tell him? About how he treats you?” He suggests gently, hoping Y/N would consider it eventually

“I-I have hurt them enough….” Y/N sighs heavily…

“If they dont know what they are doing they wont change.”Micheal explains…

“… Its more complicated than that….I told them I thought Suzie was still here… not alive but here….” They explain. “You can guess how that went.”

“Oh god….” Micheal says quietly, unable to imagine how awful that must feel. “How long ago did you say that happened?” He asks softly, concerned about their wellbeing and wanting to help them if possible.

“Pfft the year after so 81 … literally a decade ago…. I remeber that being the same time i forgot who I was….. trying to be Suzie because Suzie couldnt be …” Y/N explains.

What?! That cant be true!” Micheal exclaims incredulously, shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you sure about that?” He asks nervously, genuinely surprised by their revelation. “But why would you lie about something like that?”

Its a metaphor… Micheal not literal.”Y/N explains.

A metaphor? For what?” Micheal asks confusedly, tilting his head slightly in confusion. “For what purpose?” He asks curiously, intrigued by the explanation. “Can you explain further?” He asks patiently, waiting for an answer eagerly.

“To metaphor for feeling like if I did things my sister liked when she was alive instead of what I liked ….it would make me feel closer to her …kind of like by me choosing to do what she liked she still had a chance to do it vicariously through me… Like I still gave her a chance…”Y/N clarified.

“So basically you were comparing yourself to your dead sister?” Micheal asked with a hint of amusement, nodding slowly as he tried to understand what they meant. “And you felt guilty because you wanted to give her some sort of closure by making decisions based on her preferences?”

“Yes Exactly…!” Y/N exclaims.

That makes sense actually.” Micheal nods, understanding now why they chose this path of action. “Do you think it worked? Did you get closer to your sister by following her preferences?” He asks curiously, curious about Y/Ns response. “Did you find out anything?”

Anything I think I know is nothing without concrete proof thats what I need evidence..”they frown unfortunantly any evidence would be a decade old by now…”Y/N adds.

“Let’s go talk to some people tomorrow morning when they wake up. They should be able to help us figure things out better than we can alone.” Micheal offers.

“There are people you know who…. would be safe to ask?…”Y/N asks.

“Yeah.. There is one person i know… who wants answers as well …. Its personal for him as well. He lost his daughter in 85 and he knows Freddys as well as my Father.” Micheal answers quickly.

Part 1

Rock you like a Hurricane Part 2 - Cheer

Rock you like a hurricane part 2: time periods flip between (1980-1985) (and the year of the previous chapter.)

For Y/N the year 1980 was ... late elementary early middle school.

Y/n remembers it well... It was the last time y/n ever felt ... safe truly safe, last time Y/n could actually trust anyone, last day of calm before the storm.

"I just think you look like her a little..."

"Like my doll?"

"Yeah."

"Aren't I the younger one shouldn't I be asking you to dress up as something."

"That doesn't always have to be how it works... Just dress up as the doll I look like the other doll the friend one but you."

"Only for you but I get to choose both our costumes next year."

________

There never was a next year...

There was barely a next week...

________

"Where is it Suzie?"

"You probably left it in the car again by accident."

"Your older you ... have your own toys why cant I have one thing thats mine? People call me Suzie's Sister .... Like I don't have a name of my own we have the same last name, the same room I ask for this one thing to be mine."

"Well maybe you should keep a better eye on things be more responsible... Thats what Mom says anyway."

"I was responsible I ... You took it stop lying! I ask to have only one thing of my own!"

"Yeah well we are sisters we share."

"Yeah Well I wish I was an only child.... That you didn't always lecture me on how I can be better to measure up to you! I wish I had a sister that didn't steal my toys! Have fun at your meaningless party. I hope betraying me and stealing the doll you asked me to dress up as makes you happy." *The conversation replays in Y/Ns memory.*

__________________________

The story's Present

Michael for his own part doesn't usually do this but it isn't hard to find the university housing Y/N is living in. It didn't take long to find her dorm by asking around. 6th on the left Peabody Building.

Michael is hesitant to knock knowing exactly how Y/N would react.

"Okay... uh Hi... look if your with the frat house that egged my car....save it. Also If this is about me reviewing a thesis or a project for you ...  Its my day off so It'll cost extra."

"Y/ N N .... Oh is this another one of your shady homework deals ... Ill pretend I didn't see anything but when your done can you do the ... thing you do with the computers to make them go faster?"

"Whos?" Micheal asks referring to person who just spoke.

"Roxanne ... The R.A. Look I will check out the computers later ... Just tell the others to stop trying to get free music Win.amp  and those other sites sometimes attract viruses ,hackers, which would be why it slows down in the first place." Y/N sighs

"And What about installing the security cams you promised?" Roxanne counters.

"You covering it? Or is the school..? Because I'm not paying for it. For quality pre assembled cameras its expensive... going down to radio shack to get parts to build it from scratch is... more expensive." Y/N explains.

"Fine look ill talk to the school just do whatever hack trick you do for the computers..." Roxanne requested..

Before gesturing an awkward call me at Micheal while walking away."

"Is uh ...?"

"She always like that pretty much its gotten a-lot better though...She used to front this punk band and They weren't quiet. Anyway what was it you wanted?" Y/N questioned.

"Oh.. Yeah.. you still think Im a frat…Its me Micheal... as in Afton as in please don't tell me you went to Hurricane High ...Micheal from the arcade the other day..." Micheal explained

"Oh! Yeah Micheal who ditched the conversation." Y/N deadpanned

"I -I didn't ditch I.." Micheal panics

"Relax, Im joking..." Y/N chuckles

"The electrical outlet blew at the end." Micheal explained.

"You look ... different." Micheal added.

"Thats... really how you want to start this conversation?"

Y/N raised an eyebrow

"No, I didn't mean it in a bad way ..." Micheal explains.

"Look Afton, Why are you even here? Its not like we were super close when we were younger." Y/N asks.

"Do you remember the classes we had together in 84-85” Micheal wonders.

"Barely why?" Y/N questioned

"I was an ass to you before. I learned that the hard way... With what happened to Evan. You were one of the only people who still talked to me after that. I know you gave the notes to everyone but writing things back and forth kept me. It kept me from being stuck. Anyway uh... I owe you. So if you want me to look for information on Suzzie I can." Micheal offered

"Can we stop?"

"Stop what?"

"The secrets Afton... Your Father was the main suspect... and I know she's dead but...  Not exactly. She doesn't always feel gone she...never really felt gone Nobody believed me back then but... Now... Something tells me you know exactly what I mean. I'm not imagining things." Y\N explains slightly annoyed.

"I...I know. I'm sorry. I don't know where my Dad hid the bodies... He sort of hated me after everything. I just know he... He killed her... And that when I work night shift weird stuff happens. Weird as in the spring suits move on thier own weird.. Arcade machine will stop us from talking because an unknown message thinks I'm hurting you weird." Micheal explains.

"I... She actually is there then... It was never just me or wishful thinking... She doesn't talk to me. I... I was so mean. I can't even blame her." Y/N looks away wiping the small tear dripping down her cheek.

"Hey... Shhh... It's okay." Micheal whispers trying to see if she was ok with a hug. She nods and he just holds her as he explains.*"I don't think that's why she doesn't come to you.. I think she just doesn't want to hurt you. I have to agree...having Utah's superstar upset? Absurd."

__________________________

Classes of 84-85

Considering the incident with Evan a little more than a year prior.

Uniforms the same Color red that stained his own hands, his own clothing, the color the flashed in front of him whenever he tried to sleep a deep dark red...

It grabbed his attention but what further grabbed his attention was Y/N ... At this point only the assistant cheer captain of Hurricane high.

"Stop gawking its weird dude..." *Of the other students around told him*

"I wasn't." *Micheal panics*

"You weren't? That might actually be weirder...

But hey the skull-crusher and the cheerleader totally sounds like you have a shot there ,killer." the student he is talking to just laughs at his own remarks.*

"Can you screw off?"*Micheal snaps.*

"Like the unhinged deathrobots your Dad makes?....sure." *The other student snarks.*

Micheal just walks away agitated and Isolated deciding to stay in the gymnasium simply because Rock you like a hurricane was playing.

What he didn't expect further was Rock You like a hurricane to be made into a cheerleader number.

...

"Y\NN!  Stop doodling and try attending to your duty  as assistant cheer captain." *The cheer captain whined

"I was actually... taking notes .Unless you'd like me to attempt acrobatics in the middle of taking notes where our team can improve."*Y/N explains.*

"Dont backtalk me. The only reason you are allowed to have any power in this squad is because the Cheer coach pity's you and I let you on because I used to be friends with your older sister.  You somehow ended up a disappointment... Even when we expected nothing from you to start. For the record this is why I liked Suzie better. " *The cheer captain sneered.*

Y/Ns face just dropped before it turned  smirk

"Guess the feelings Mutual because I liked Suzie better than you too. Especially because by your own logic if she were alive she would have had your position I still would've been co-captain and you... well we know what you would've been.. Hey coach can I please have  somebody with actual authority read over my notes

Thanks." *Y/N hands the coach the notebook before cheer practice ended. Though most of the squad was clapping by that point. Especially considering the how the coach approved of her notes.

The next time Micheal spots her is when shes leaving the cheer locker room. Her uniform had been ripped

"Y/NN? You changed your name?"  *Micheal notes*

"Yep." *Is all she says.*

"Are you okay?" *Micheal asks.*

"When has it ever mattered to you before Afton?"*Y/N glares..*

" Just because I don't ask doesn't mean I think it doesn't matter" Micheal pointed out

"Look Its nothing..."*Y/N sighs.*

"Nothing doesn't destroy uniforms..."*Micheal countered.*

"Shit." *Y/N tries to stuff the uniform back in her backpack. And hide it so no one else would know.*

"Look whatever she did it isn't the first time people have used me as target practice..." *Y/N thinks out-loud.*

"They shouldn't..." *Micheal noted.*

".... I know. Look um... I have to run because I'm going to have to fix my uniform but your in my psych class." *Y/N excuses herself.*

"I noticed that too... I mean .... Its First day of the semester. So kinda hard not to hear who's name gets called." *Micheal... tries to play it cool.*

"Sure." *Y/N waves beginning to walk away.*

______

"If you actually want to help me with my sister... I could use the help. Truth is you don't really have to ask forgiveness. You and I are... more alike then we like to admit. Anyway....Im sorry too." *Y/N explains.*

"Why?"

"Because I... I... used to be nervous around you. I worried maybe you covered for your Dad but uh.... In all honesty you didn't have much of a choice. Thank you for being honest with me."  *Y/N admits*

"Used to? As in past tense." *Micheal smirked.*

"Shut up!" *Y/N laughs.*

[punktr]

Whenever You're Ready

My very first posted fanfic! I’m still learning how to write fanfic so please be kind. 🥺 I know its kind of jumpy I have a hard time with transitions 😅 anyway Im extremely nervous to post this but any feedback is welcome! 

mjf x reader

just super fluffy mjf cause I couldn't help it 🥺🥺

*I do not own this gif!*

gif credit to @thebestintheworld

There was nothing Max could do anymore, he kept telling you how bad the guy you were seeing was and you just didn’t want to listen. Now here you sit with a broken heart and no one to talk to. You wanted to call Max so badly and just vent all your frustrations and heartbreak to him, however you knew he would probably just decline your call, after all you had ignored all his warnings in the first place.

After a few weeks of Max not seeing you at work he started to worry, you never missed work even if you didn’t have a match you were always backstage somewhere helping out or talking match ideas with your coworkers. Max was starting to think he should call you just to check on you but then thought you probably wouldn’t want to hear from him, you obviously didn’t want his opinion before. The rest of the night went by and Max couldn’t get you off his mind, you could see during his match he was distracted like he had something on his mind.

“Hey (y/n) it’s Max, I just wanted to check on you. You haven’t been at work lately and I’m kinda worried, it’s just not like you. Please call me back.” Max sighed as the voicemail was sent and threw his phone on the couch. He just wanted to know you were okay.

“Please call me back.” Max’s voice echoed from your phone. You wanted to call him, you really did. You were really hurting and needed somebody but you felt like you didn’t deserve Max’s attention after blatantly ignoring him when all he was trying to do was protect you.

It was about two in the morning when you heard knocking at your door. You contemplated for a moment if it was worth it to answer it and decided you really had nothing left to lose. You opened the door to see Max. At first you didn’t believe it and thought you were just seeing things, so you went to shut the door when Max reached out and held the door preventing it from closing.

“You were always there for me. Let me be here for you.” Your eyes immediately watered and Max pulled you into his arms. Once Max had his arms around you, you let it all out. Max gently pulled you back into your house, shutting the door, and sitting you back on your couch. Max held you and rubbed your back as you cried in his arms. Once you finally calmed down from crying you felt the guilt creep back up and immediately started apologizing.

“Stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Max gently replied. You disagreed but knew better than to argue with him over it. You and Max sat there for what felt like hours in a comfortable silence when Max finally spoke up.

“You know, our first match in Beyond when you came out from behind the curtain, I actually for the first time thought, how am I going to do this match. I saw your smile and I thought there is no way I could hurt this person. That night was the night I told myself I was gonna marry this girl.” Max confessed with a fond smile on his face.

You couldn’t help but blush at Max’s confession, luckily it was dark in the room so he couldn’t see just how red your face was. Your heart was racing and you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same way. Max knew you were still healing and that it might be a while before you’d be ready for another relationship but he wasn't going to lose you to someone else again.

“I just want you to know it's always been you. I’m not going anywhere, I will always be right here. Whenever you’re ready.”

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Joshua: Second Chance (Part One)

Characters: Joshua x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, angst, possible character death, a little bit of fluff but it’s like angsty fluff

Word count: 1,837

Summary: After his mate died, Joshua always blamed himself and never wanted to imprint again. However, fate has other ideas when he meets you: a young, energetic werecoyote that’s quite the opposite of him. He insists he doesn’t want a new mate – nobody’s even sure if he’s ready for a new one – but he can’t ignore his instincts.

Next | Second Chance Masterlist

a/n: things in bold are in english. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! hi i know everyone has been awaiting this series from tftp in particular. and while i wish i could say im updating this regularly,,,,,i cannot. there’s no definite update schedule, im just doing it when i can. i wanted to wait until i had all the parts written but im impatient. but i hope you’ll enjoy this series even with the slow updates, and i hope it lives up to expectations 💜

“Where’re we going?” Joshua grumbled as he followed slightly behind Hansol and Kyung, the younger boy’s hand wrapped around hers.

Joshua was going with them to the doctor without actually knowing. Kyung knew better than to tell him before they left because she figured the grumpy werewolf would just tell her no, not really caring whether he was unable to heal or not -- even though that was very clearly a bad sign that he had overexerted himself.

Kyung thought maybe Joshua would be a little less...angry all the time once she got to know him, but Joshua was stubborn well before he’d even met her -- he was just bad at shoving his stubbornness and anger down.

“I promised I’d get my back fixed if Kyung decided to stay, and you said you’d go if I went, didn’t you?” Hansol reminded his brother with a smirk over his shoulder. “We’re gonna go see that doctor we were told about. What was her name again?”

“Minjee,” Kyung replied. “Not to sound rude but...Josh, why don’t you want to see a doctor?”

“I don’t really care if I can heal or not either way,” he replied flatly, “but I said I’d get help if Hansol did. So...here we are.”

“Here we are...” she repeated in a mumble.

Joshua simply followed the mated couple in silence as the alpha led them to Minjee’s, being the first to knock on the door. It was a girl -- as expected -- that opened the door, bowing politely to the group before smiling brightly at the darker skinned girl in front of them.

“Kyung!” she exclaimed as she gestured the three of them in. “I haven’t seen you in so long -- I suppose that’s a good thing, though. How’ve you been? Your pack hasn’t mentioned you.”

“I’m not actually in that pack anymore,” Kyung told her with a shrug, her ‘cool’ exterior coming back in the presence of an old friend. “I’m an alpha of my mate’s pack now.”

Minjee seemed impressed, eyebrows raising with a smile, “Wow, look at you. How’d the sudden change happen? Jiung must be proud.”

“He’s actually...passed away.”

The doctor’s face fell, placing a comforting hand on your upper arm, “I’m sorry for the loss of your brother.”

Kyung nodded, “I’ve been grieving, but it’s been easier with my mate. Minjee, this is Hansol, and his brother -- er, our brother, I guess -- Joshua.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Hansol said as he nodded to her. “Our brother, Soonyoung came in before with a human girl to talk about fixing us -- I’ve got silver burned into my back, and Joshua’s the healer that can’t heal anymore.”

“Ah, yes, the healer!” Minjee’s eyes lit up as she nodded excitedly. She looked to Joshua now. “Your power still hasn’t come back?”

“No,” he replied. “I thought just resting would help but...nothing.”

“I see,” she hummed, eyeing him over before looking back at Kyung like she was their mother that took them to the doctor’s office. “I’ll do a quick look over and then see what I can do. It’s almost time for me to close up, and I have to go out of town for a few days. I won’t be able to do anything until about a week from now, but they’ll be fine until then if they’ve been fine this long.”

“That’s okay,” Hansol shrugged as Joshua replied, “No worries.”

“Alright,” Minjee breathed with a warm smile, grabbing some gloves from nearby, “then let’s get started and see what’s going on.”

-

Even though you were never careful, you wanted to blame this on shitty luck. You were too carefree and excitable, so you ran and ran and didn’t see the trap. So with you trapped under a net with little prickles that you were sure were laced with wolfsbane from how fucking awful you felt -- that was an understatement -- all you could do was wait for hunters to come find you before death took you itself. Honestly, you hoped the latter would come first.

You faintly heard footsteps coming toward you as your vision went out of focus, your eyelids becoming too heavy to keep up. You sensed a presence beside you, the body crouching down to get a better look at you.

“What do we have here?” a female-sounding voice asked, but it sounded far away and muffled to you. “Is this another werewolf?”

“I can’t tell,” another female voice replied in a sigh. “Sura, do you have any ideas?”

“Doesn’t smell like werewolf to me,” a male voice said. “It definitely is some kind of were-creature, though. This thing wreaks of wolfsbane and it’s clearly affecting her. I’d say...coyote, maybe?”

One of the women sucked in a breath between their teeth before saying, “Prajya, help me get this net off of her -- it’ll be heavy but I’m afraid to let Sura touch it.”

Slowly, you felt the weight of the net being lifted off of you. You could also feel every little barb stuck in you being pulled out, and you whimpered softly from the stinging pain that covered your body.

“Minjee, will she make it?” the second girl asked as you were lifted into warm arms.

“No,” the male replied, “probably not.”

“The house isn’t far from here,” the first girl insisted. “We just have to hurry.”

But you were out cold before they even took the first step.

-

Josh and Hansol weren’t really sure why so many people wanted to go with them into town that night for them to finally get fixed. Suvi was understandable since she just enjoyed going into town, and Soomin made sense since she was basically their resident know-it-all when it came to werewolves. However, Wonwoo wanting to tag along was weird because Wonwoo didn’t like leaving the house, much less going into town. They figured maybe it was because he wanted to make sure Soomin would be alright, but she was already going to be with two werewolves and a girl who had gone into town plenty of times. She was in good hands, but whatever made Wonwoo happy.

“Are you nervous?” Suvi wondered, looking up between Hansol and Joshua as she walked.

“I don’t know how they’re going to fix my back, so that’s a little concerning,” Hansol decided, “but I’m more excited.”

Joshua just shrugged, “Eh, not really.”

“Try not to be so excited, huh,” Wonwoo commented.

Joshua did like his power. He liked that he was able to help people with it. However, it didn’t benefit him -- as in, it didn’t make his own personal healing any better than anybody else’s in the pack -- and it wouldn’t be needed if his pack wasn’t so stupid and got themselves hurt. It wasn’t fun like Seokmin’s or Chan’s or Kyung’s, and it wasn’t interesting like Jihoon’s or Soonyoung’s or Hansol’s or Minghao’s. It was boring -- kind of like Wonwoo’s or Seungcheol’s.

Suvi was the first up to the door, knocking before she took a step back to wait. The door was answered by Minjee -- as always -- who greeted them with an almost pained smile.

“Hello,” she greeted them. “Before you come in, I’d like to apologize. My partners and I have just gotten home, and one of our patients... Well, she won’t make it.”

Now that she’d mentioned it, the wolves could just barely hear the faint, slowing heartbeat from inside the house. But they could also smell that it wasn’t the typical werewolf. It was something they’d never smelled before, but it still wasn’t completely human.

Joshua also picked up on a scent that was very familiar but also so very different from anything he’d smelled before.

“We’re just trying to ease her pain until she passes,” Minjee continued, letting the small group into the house. She turned to look at somebody else who was helping with the aforementioned girl. “Sura, could you put a curtain up around her? Prajya, I’ll need you to help me with--”

Minjee stopped when she noticed Joshua stop in the doorway, his body going rigid. His golden eyes were spotting red and locked on you, hands balled into fists.

You were dying; his mate was dying. Again.

“Josh...?” Wonwoo spoke up, placing a hand on the older boy’s shoulder.

Joshua’s thoughts and opinions on re-imprinting were out the window when it registered that the girl quickly losing her life was his mate. The only thing he could focus on was you and saving you -- but he only knew one way how.

“She’s not dying,” he stated, walking straight through the small crowd and over to you where your pulse was just a moment away from completely dying out.

“What?” Minjee asked, watching him as he approached you with a set jaw and narrowed eyes.

“I’m not going to let her die,” he said louder, letting his hands hover above your body.

Joshua was too focused on trying to somehow get his powers to come back to him that he wasn’t paying any attention to Hansol and Wonwoo’s conversation over their surprise of their brother imprinting for a second time. Truthfully, nobody thought anybody would come after Lilly since Josh was so against it. But then again, imprinting wasn’t something any werewolf could control. 

Joshua mumbled to himself as he tried to will his power back. He was concentrating so hard but nothing was happening. No faint glow from his palms, no color coming back to your face, and your heartbeat was still rapidly decreasing by the second. It wouldn’t be long until it was gone all together, and then there would be nothing he could do.

“C’mon...c’mon...” he grumbled, closing his eyes as his eyebrows creased together in concentration.

“Your powers won’t suddenly work,” Minjee spoke up, watching from where she stood by his pack, wanting to give the werewolf space -- especially since she was preparing for him to be grieving for the mate he’d lose before actually having her.

“They have to!” he snapped.

He refused to lose you. If he lost two mates -- even if he didn’t properly meet or know you -- he was sure he wouldn’t be able to take it.

With his last bit of energy he had in his body, his palms faintly glowed to life, spreading a tingling warmth across your body. His healing power was starting to cleanse the wolfsbane from your system, and your heartbeat was starting to become stronger and more stable. Hearing your heartbeat louder in his ears made Josh want to cry. But he didn’t have the energy for it.

As you let out a cough and a girl with brown skin rushed over to sit you up so you could empty your system, Joshua collapsed onto the floor, knowing you were alive and would hopefully stay alive. He put his everything into saving you, and he didn’t know if that would kill him, but he knew it was worth it.

[caramelcal]

someone you loved

Request: Hi, could you write some Luke Patterson x Reader based on Someone you loved from Lewis Capaldi, please? But I also would like a happy end if it is possible, although the song is sad one. Thanks in advance :)

Word Count: 2k

a/n: hellooo! its currently 1:15 am and i have school tomorrow lol...im so tired but i needed to finish this so enjoyyy! 

Masterlist

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy I need somebody to heal Somebody to know Somebody to have Somebody to hold It's easy to say But it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain 

Remembering that day was something that you found yourself doing constantly, which was incredibly unfortunate. As you sat up in your room, curled up in a ball your mind drifted to him, the way the other girl had her arms around him, something you and only you were supposed to you.

You remembered the way she leaned against him, her body against his, her short tank top doing nothing to stop her skin from coming in contact with Luke.  Anger had bubbled in your chest as well as your throat tightening up, fists clenching at your sides. You saw the way her lips were pressed against his. Against your boyfriend’s. He pulled back away from her, and the way she went up to his ear, whispering seductively before her eyes caught onto you. Then she smirked.

Luke’s bandmates surrounded him, Bobby with two girls, both with the same minimal clothing that the one that was all over your boyfriend was wearing, Reggie was pawning over one that walked slightly in front of him and Alex looked dreadfully uncomfortable. Yet, you didn’t care about them, all you cared about was the way that girl was all over Luke. And if things couldn’t get any worse, whilst she maintained eye contact with you, she whispered in his ear again, why the hell was he not pulling away from her? Suddenly, after the girl said something, pointing a manicured finger in your direction, and his head snapped over to where you were, your eyes flickering between him and the girl, who was now walking backward away from him like her job was done.

“You know what, Patterson?” You shouted angrily at the boy, getting the entire group’s attention, “Fuck you, we’re over.”

And with that, you stormed off. Yet, it was weeks later and you were still crying about it, you missed the way put his arms around your stomach, pulling your back against his chest, the way he laughed with you, the way he cried with you, how he would have one hand on the wheel and one on your thigh when he was driving, you missed the way you blasted songs and just sang together. You missed everything and even though he hurt you, you still love him.

Now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Trying to convince yourself to get ready and go out after so many days of staying in your dark room, in pajamas, and wallowing in self-pity was hard but you did it. You got out of bed, got ready, and went on your way to get a drink at the local cafe; a hangout place that a lot of the students at your school used. You planned on meeting a friend here, but as you walked in and you saw him in there you knew it was a bad idea.

It wasn’t only him either, his bandmates were there too, talking, conversing and he had his arm around another girl. You shouldn’t have been surprised if he was willing to get with a girl when you guys were together, why would it be any different in the weeks after your break up? You’re staring at them for a while before one of them notices you, Reggie, smiling at you and waving you over.

“Y/n! Come over and join us for a milkshake!” Innocent Reggie. You don’t miss the semi-discrete nudge that Alex gives Reggie. He always did seem like the one person in the band with half a brain cell, and he was nice too. He looks up at you, casting you a sympathetic smile as Bobby, who again has another girl with him informs Luke that you’ve arrived. Yet, as your eyes catch onto him, you can’t help walking out.

He frowns at your retrieving figure, his body itching to run out and ditch everyone here to get you but he doesn’t as Bobby nudges him again, “Dude forget about her.”

Luke doesn’t say anything as he hesitantly nods, looking down and meeting eyes with Alex, who is sitting across from him. Luke had known Alex long enough to know what look he was giving him: almost begging him to chase after you, knowing that both you and Luke would benefit from it. But he didn’t. Luke stayed exactly where he was, arm slung over the girl’s shoulder.

He didn’t even remember the girl’s name, she wasn’t a bad looking girl but she wasn’t you. She was nice, but she didn’t know Luke as you did, she didn’t have a laugh that she hated but Luke found so adorable like you. Bobby said that these girls were distractions, to get Luke’s mind off of you but even as he sat there at that moment, not a single one of his thoughts strayed from you.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you Now, I need somebody to know Somebody to heal Somebody to have Just to know how it feels It's easy to say but it's never the same I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

Sleep did not come easy to you that night, it never did without Luke there but after seeing him today at the cafe, you couldn’t even take a sip of water without being reminded of Luke. You knew it wasn’t a great idea, but you needed to clear your head, and if this was the only way to do it then so be it.

With your coat clung tightly around your body, you venture down the street, the window blowing softly against your face. It’s creepy, not something you saw in the peppy little town but as you walked down dimly lit streets, the streetlights buzzing slightly overhead you couldn’t help but feel a little jumpy. 

“You shouldn’t be out here at this time,” You hear a voice call from the shadows, making you jump around with eyes wide. You walk backward slightly as your head whips around, trying to catch where the voice came from as you catch onto his figure.

Clad in a plaid red flannel, Luke leans against the wall, arms crossed over his chest with eyes trained on you. You clear your throat, feeling a blush rise to your throat at the thought of Luke seeing you so on edge as you speak, “Luke.”

He’s rather far away from you, still lazily leaning against the building wall with his hair in its usual messy way. You liked it like that. The chain on his jeans rattles slightly as he shifts to face you, but still stays leaning against the wall, “y/n.”

It’s quiet for a few moments and for the first time in forever you feel incredibly uncomfortable around Luke. Even before you two got together you had always felt comfortable with Luke; at home. He can feel how much you don’t want to be there, he’s always been able to read you and you aren’t hiding your awkwardness well.

“Well if that’s all,” You say, clearing your throat as you eagerly swivel on your feet to go in the direction you came in, suddenly feeling like going home.

Yet, as you start to walk, you can’t help but stop when you hear Luke chuckle. Did he find this funny? When you peer back at him, seeing him shake his head as he continued to chuckle quietly, “What?”

“Nothing,” Luke dismisses but yet continues to laugh. His hands are in his jean pockets now, a smirk evident on his face.

“Clearly it’s something, what are you finding so funny?” You ask, not hiding how defensive you are you speak. You’ve completely turned towards him again, eyes watching the guitarist’s figure as he calms his laughing down.

Kicking his feet off of the wall, Luke stands up, walking closer to where you stand in the middle of the sidewalk. He pretty much closes the gap between the two of you, until he’s about a foot away from you, peering at you with hazel eyes.

“I just think it’s funny how because we broke up you think we can’t even speak to each other anymore.”

You almost stutter as you break eye contact with the boy. You knew that whatever you said was probably going to lead to an argument and honestly, that was the last thing you wanted right now, “I have to get going.”

“No you don’t,” Luke swiftly responds, shaking his head at you as your eyes snap back up to him, leaving him to rock on his heels.

Your eyes close into slits as you feel annoyance bubble in your stomach. Even if Luke did know when you lied, he should know to let it go, to avoid confrontation but maybe he wanted this, “I left without letting my parents know. If I’m just missing from my bedroom they’ll probably be worried.”

“Your parents aren’t even home, y/n, they’re away on a trip,” You can’t hide the surprise on your face when Luke says that. How he knew that was beyond you because no one else knew but you and your parents. Yet, he elaborates, eyes never leaving you, “even if I couldn’t tell when you’re lying, y/n, I would still know. Your parents stopped me on the way out of town saying they were leaving town for a bit and wanted me to keep an eye on you. They’re worried y/n, ‘said you haven’t been yourself lately. You didn’t tell them we broke up, did you?”

Lips apart, you stare up at Luke, shaking your head, voice quiet and low, “I couldn’t. They really liked you. I couldn’t tell them you cheated.”

“You wouldn’t have to because I didn’t.”

“I saw you, Luke! I saw you with that other girl!” You yelled, your voice no longer low as you felt the rage start to bubble at the bottom of your chest again. The fact that you caught him in the act and he still denies it angered you, why couldn’t he just own up to it? “Are you going to say I imagined it? That I didn’t see anything?”

“I’m not, no,” Luke replied, keeping his voice calm as he shook his head, “What I am going to say is that you don’t know what you saw.”

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes I fall into your arms I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around

For now the day bleeds Into nightfall And you're not here To get me through it all I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

Suddenly, everything made sense. It wasn’t his fault and you felt so dumb. You were almost speechless after he finished talking, leaving both of you in silence for several moments.

“I-I’m sorry,”

“Why are you sorry?” Luke asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked down at you.

“I should have let you explain and we wouldn’t be in this mess, we both wouldn’t have been-”

Luke doesn’t let you finish, almost feeling how guilty you felt for immediately assuming the worst of him. He knew it wasn’t your fault, he would have been just as angry if he was in the situation you were, “Hey it’s alright. I should’ve run after you and explained everything then.”

You don’t say anything as he pulls you into a hug, a warmth that you had yearned for over the past few weeks. He has a hand on your back, holding you close, and a hand on the back of your head, softly running his fingers through your hair.

“I missed you so much,”  He whispered to you, leaving you to hug him closer to you, to enjoy the warmth before it disappeared again. You never wanted to let go, you felt safe in his hold, you felt at home.

He placed a soft kiss against the top of your head, still holding you close before you looked up at him, “I missed you too, Lu.”

He flashes you a soft smile, one that had always melted your heart, “How about we go home, huh?”

[marvinswriting]

Broken Arm

Tw: Major character death, reference (slight reference) to self harm- unrelated to the death dw im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im s- g/t mean girls

The air smelled of disinfectant mixed with depression. 

I couldn't tell if it was that or the pit of anxiety that was making me nauseous as I stare numbly at my arm, freshly casted. The bright lights and hushed voices of the hospital didn't feel real. Like, I knew I was here on Cady's shoulder, leaning against Aaron, but at the same time, I wasn't here.

Or I'd rather not be at least.

I hoped I could wake up from this nightmare. Any minute now Damian would nudge me awake, school day over or something. 

But this wasn't a dream because the pain was all too real.

I stare blankly down the hall. The hall where they rushed him.

Damian got hurt the worst.

My stomach tightened thinking about it.

Cady had her head in her hands mumbling about a concussion. Gretchen set with her hands folded neatly in her lap, looking out into nothingness. Both Karen and Regina were crying softly, looking shaken up.

The sound of doors slamming down the hall makes us all lookup.

Ms. Hubbard runs into the room, teary-eyed and bewildered.

"Where?"

Karen points down the hall. "They won't let anyone in."

"What happened?" She says after getting a good look at all of us. "Jesus are you all okay?"

It wasn't hard to see where Damian got his motherly instincts from. 

"Janis, your arm!"

Ms. Hubbard rushed over, promptly scooping me off Cady's shoulder.

"Know how they say tinies shouldn't ride unsecured on a shoulder when in a car? This is why." I motion to the cast. "Somebody blew through the intersection. Hit driver's side, right-right uh, where Damian was." I look. down, swallowing hard. "I fell."

"And this is why we have safety regulations. Who else got hurt?"

Mama Bear Hubbard went around the room making sure everyone was okay. It was a nice distraction from what was going on down the hall. For all of us.

"Cady, I'm very grateful you wore your seatbelt otherwise it could be worse than a concussion."

"Gretchen, I hope the scratch on your arm heals."

"Regina, maybe take a nap you'll feel better."

I couldn't help but smile.

Ms. Hubbard lifted me to her shoulder and I sat down as she found a seat next to Cady.

Everything felt harder with one arm, but one thing Damian takes after his mom is walking smoothly without bouncing or sudden jolts.

The waiting room was silent again.

It feels like we sit for hours.

Maybe it was.

It was probably only minutes.

A doctor emerged from the hallway where Damian was. 

Ms. Hubbard stands quickly, silently scooping me off her shoulder and handing me to Cady. She rushed over to the doctor and we all watch wordlessly.

We can't hear what they're saying but body langue isn't had to read in these situations. 

They talk for a bit before Ms. Hubbard's hand shoots to her mouth. 

The waiting room once filled with clicking of keyboards and buzzing of lights was now filled with gut-wrenching sobs.

Aaron wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. We all knew whatever news was coming couldn't be good.

I didn't want to hear it.

But I listened anyway.

A week.

They say he has a week.

At most.

He was awake but- in pain.

Ms. Hubbard was in the room right now talking.

Visiting hours for today would be over soon but if we all spoke for ten minutes each-

Ten minutes wasn't enough.

Ten minutes won't ever be enough.

I'd have more time tomorrow.

A week.

The news made my head spin.

I couldn't just have a week left with Damian.

We were supposed to have the rest of our lives.

We were fric and frac. You never saw one without the other.

It can't just be a week.

Ms. Hubbard stepped out of the room, glancing at all of us. If her teary-eyed expression mirrored our own, then we all looked like a mess. I felt like a mess.

"Janis," Aaron said softly, rubbing my uninjured arm. "You wanna go in first?"

I didn't, actually. I didn't want to go in at all. I didn't want to go in and have the situation solidified. I didn't-

"Yeah. I'll go."

Cady didn't move but Karen came over, lifting me gently off Cady's shoulder.

Aaron leaned back by Cady's neck as Karen walked away. 

The whole group looked distraught, I could only imagine what I looked like.

I looked down as Karen opened the door to the room. My finger trailed over my cast, as I looked everywhere other than the bed in front of us. 

"Hey, guys."

My head snaps up at the voice. Damian sounded in pain just to talk. The tears in my eyes were back.

I wasn't gonna cry in front of him.

He deserves better than that.

Damian didn't look like he had just been hit by a car. I don't know how I expected him to look. Maybe completely casted like in the cartoons. Instead, he just looked pale. There was a bandage on the side of his head right by his hairline and his entire left arm was wrapped up and gauzed. 

The side the car hit.

I swallow thickly, trying not to cry.

"You guys don't have to just stand by the door," Damian said with a humorless laugh.

"Right." Karen set me on the table next to the bed and silently waved a quick goodbye.

Despite the slow beeping of the heart monitor, the room felt deafening quiet.

"Hi," I say flatly.

Things were never weird around Damian before. We always knew just what to say to each other and when. But- I was at a loss.

What do you say when your best friend is dying in a hospital bed? 

There's no go-to small talk for that.

"You okay?" Damian asks me. His eyes don't have their usual shine and I force myself to look away.

"Yeah."

"You sure? I can't imagine your arm feels great."

"This isn't about me." I cross my arms over my chest, as best I can with the cast. 

"Janis," Damian frowns. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Damian! You're in a hospital bed and you're worried about me." I step backward, blinking violently to stop the tears from falling.

Damian smiled sadly. "I want to make sure you're okay. I'm dying there's nothing they can do."

"Don't say that."

"Janis, it's true."

"But you don't have to say it!" 

Damian doesn't say anything to counter my outburst, he just sits there quietly. 

It's almost worse.

Great.

My best friend is dying and I yelled at him.

I'm a shitty friend and a shitty person. 

Damian deserves so much better. So much more.

But I can't give it to him.

All I can do is yell and be a little bitch.

Maybe I shouldn't have come in.

This was a mistake.

I glare down at my boots, almost like it's their fault.

My vision is blurred with tears that I refuse to let fall.

"Jan?" Damian says after a while. 

I look up expecting to see anger because I yelled. Resentment, bitterness, something.

But there was none.

Damian looked at me sadly, more worried if anything.

"C'mere."

I step to the edge of the table as Damian reaches out. I can't imagine it doesn't hurt and a familiar pit of guilt forms in my stomach as normal when I'm being a nuisance.

Damian scoops me up gently and I try to ignore how his hands shake underneath me, or how they aren't as warm as normal. I try to ignore the way his face has lost all color. The way his eyes look dull and lost.

I try to ignore the fact that my best friend is fucking dying.

He holds me gently against his chest, something he has done so many times before. Whether it was to watch a movie on a Friday night or for a mid-day nap during the hot summers. But this was different.

His heartbeat was concerningly soft. The comforting beat was faint and dull.

Tears burning in my eyes again as I leaned backward into Damian's cupped hand.

He was dying.

My best friend was dying.

My giant was dying.

Damian was dying.

"I love you, Janis," He whispered, his fingers cupping around me more. "So so much."

It's futile to hold back the tears now. I try unsuccessfully anyway. "I love you too."

There are tears in Damian's eyes too and something about knowing he's crying too makes it so much harder to stop the flow of tears. I cover my mouth as I try to bite back a sob, being wildly unsuccessful. 

"Damian, I can't- I just-" 

My brain can't put together sentences.

Damian is dying.

It's the only coherent thought my brain can make. Like a broken record with the needle stuck on the same part.

Damian is dying. He's gonna die. There's nothing I can do to stop it or help. He's dying.

"Hey," Damian hold's me closer. "You're so strong. You'll be okay. You're the toughest person I know. You've been through so much and you will get through this. Okay? You're so brave and I know you'll be okay. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

I don't respond. I can't make that promise. I cant-

"Janis. Please. Do it for me." Damian sounds so feeble, so scared, so broke.

To see Damian, the person who had always been my rock and safe place, the one with the level head who always knew what to do, look as lost as I did-

"I'll try. I promise." 

"Okay." He said softly. We didn't talk for a bit, we just sat there. I tried to convince myself it was like normal. Like any day I'm just held to Damian's chest. 

But it wasn't normal.

His breaths were shallow, my arm ached, and the unspoken goodbyes hung heavy in the room. 

There was a knock at the door after a while. Gretchen stood there. "It's been ten minutes."

"Oh, okay." Damian nodded, bringing his hand away from his chest.

I didn't want to leave.

Not yet.

I thought we had the rest of our lives to hang out. Not we only have a week.

At most.

Ten minutes isn't nearly enough.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I say, hugging his finger. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jan."

I let go and allow myself to get picked up by Gretchen, despite wanting to just stay and cry.

I can't bring myself to look back as we leave. Cady is waiting outside the room and steps in the second Gretchen walks out. 

The rest of the night is a big blur. I slumped against Regina the second I was lowered to one of the tables and for the most part, zoned out. But I couldn't sleep. The events of today flashed before my eyes every time I closed them. 

"Hey, Janis?" Regina nudged me. "You wanna stay with me for the night?"

My initial reaction was to say no and go home, but- 

I thought back to my promise I made to Damian. 

It would be easier not to hurt myself with somebody else around.

Besides, company didn't sound like the worst thing in the world right now. 

"Sure," I say softly. 

Regina stands, pulling me up with her. "Gretch is gonna drive us."

"Okay."

Gretchen lifts both of us as she brings her hand to her shoulder. 

I climb on numbly. My movements feel sluggish, like each limb has a fifty-pound dumbbell attached. 

We wave goodbye to Ms. Hubbard as we leave. She's driving Cady and Aaron home them coming back. Every part of me wanted to ask to stay with her. I know she'd say yes but- she needs time alone with her son.

I can't be selfish.

Karen is also getting a ride home from Gretchen and she holds Regina and I as Gretchen drives. No more on the shoulder when someone drives.

I spend the entire ride looking at my cast. The plastics around me talk but I don't pay attention. They don't expect me to. 

Regina and I get dropped off at the edge of tiny town. Its a bit of a walk to the George's and we treck in silence. 

It's dark out.

The tiny area of Northshore doesn't have many streetlights, but the lights from houses illuminate the sidewalk well enough.

I stop at my house first, grabbing a few things for an overnight trip. 

My parents aren't home.

I'm glad though. If I saw them right now I may start to cry all over again.

I think I've done a pretty good job of bottling up my feelings from today. Not that it's healthy. 

I can't have everyone worrying about me though. We have to worry about Damian. 

Tomorrow felt so far away.

We make it to the Geroge household and Regina turns to me, speaking softly. "I'm gonna go fill my mom in more. You know the way to my room. Make yourself comfy."

I nod, turning to the stairs. I hear Regina and Ms. George talking as I step into Regina's room.

It didn't change much since we were in eighth grade.

Our rooms used to be identically pink. Same bedspread, same pink-themed boy band posters, same fairy lights.

Then the pool party happened. 

My room changed drastically.

Regina's shed the old posters.

I toe off my boots leaving them at the foot of her bed and shed my jacket, letting it fall to the ground next to the books.

I flop back onto the plush mattress, the twinkling canopy of lights above me. 

Turning on my side and bringing my feet up to curl into a ball, I'm mindful of my arm, trying to ignore the way it aches.

If today went as planned- what would I be doing right now?

I'd be with Damian obviously.

My eyelids feel heavy but I can't sleep. I don't want to replay the memories of earlier.

I don't want to even think of the nightmares that could stem from it.

We had been so happy.

I was on Damian's shoulder bickering about him playing more broadway songs.

"Driver gets aux. Not only does the driver get aux, but this is also my car, Jan."

"But-"

Damian chuckled shrugging his shoulder a bit, making me lose my balance.

"Hey!"

Cady grinned at us from the passenger seat. "Today was fun guys!"

"I agree," Karen said.

The skies were turning shades of purple as Damian drove home. The gang had spent the day a couple of towns over just exploring. It was the little things like that where they had the most fun.

Damian flicked on his headlights. "I didn't think we would stay that long." He says honestly.

"Yeah, who knew exploring a town square could be a full-day event!" Aaron said from his spot in Cady's hands.

I grinned leaning against Damian's neck.

The plastics sat in the back seat talking amongst themselves, Damian or Cady occasionally chiming in. 

Despite my very clear opposition to it, show tunes were playing softly through the speakers. 

I look out the driver's side window at all the houses we passed. People sat on front porches talking, others walked their dogs.

We were on the main road so all roads we intersected with had the stop sign, not us.

That made it easier for me as the tiny. I didn't have to worry about stopping short and going flying. 

It happened so fast, none of us really had time to react.

Gretchen made some offhanded remark about the music and how it was "Janis's favorite". 

I scoff, glancing out the window-

-only to see headlights.

"Janis." 

I jump, Regina had walked into the room. 

"Sorry, got lost in thought."

"I figured." 

I sat up, swinging my feet over the edge of the bed as Regina sat next to me. "You okay?"

"As okay as I can be."

Regina tsks, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me closer. It's one of those times where you know talking won't do anything so you don't try. 

The headlights.

The impact.

The pain.

Damian.

It was all slowly catching up.

I look at my arm. "Today didn't feel real."

"I know," Regina said softly. "I know."

My phone rings from where I left it still in my jacket and we both jump.

I fish it out of the pocket, frowning at the caller ID. "It's Damian's mom."

"Pick up."

"Right."

I raise the phone to my ear, my mind racing through all the possible reasons Ms. Hubbard could be calling.

I just hoped it wasn't-

There was crying on the other end.

-that.

"Hello?" I say shakily. 

"Janis, the doctors were wrong. They- he- oh god. Damian-" There's a breath on the other end and I feel like I'm gonna puke from anxiety. "Damian died. He-"

For a second I think I misheard her.

"Wait- what?"

Then there are tears on the other end.

I didn't mishear.

Ms. Hubbard talks some more but-

I'm not listening.

I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear.

I had to have misheard.

But I didn't.

The phone in my ear feels like a dull buzz. My brain isn't understanding what Ms. Hubbard is saying.

It didn't make sense.

We were supposed to have a week.

I was supposed to see him tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

We don't get a tomorrow.

Damian is gone.

The realization clicks and it feels like a punch to the gut.

No.

I sink to the floor, my phone falling out of my hand. Its the least of my worries right now.

No.

The world around me doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel important. I'm vaguely aware of Regina by my side, pulling me into a hug and talking on my phone. 

No.

I'm vaguely aware of the tears falling from my cheeks. I'm vaguely aware of the way they hit Regina's shoulder, the mascara staining the designer fabric.

I don't care enough to pull away.

I don't care at all.

I went from spending the rest of my life with my best friend, to a week, to never seeing him again.

In a matter of hours.

It didn't feel real.

But if it hurt this much when it didn't sink in- then I don't want it to sink in.

Regina placed my phone down, her arms wrapping tightly around me as my body shakes with sobs.

Only four hours ago we were trying out different ice cream flavors a town over.

We were making fun of Gretchen and Regina, posing like basic white girls for the camera. 

But now-

I'm dimly aware of Regina talking but my brain cant process.

Damian's dead.

My best friend.

My other half.

The person who would stand by me for life.

Someone I could always count on.

Someone I love.

Was dead.

"He's gone." I whisper, my voice thick with tears.

"I know." Regina sounds just as broken as I bury my face in her shoulder.

"He can't be gone."

"He is."

We stop talking after that. We're still in the middle of Regina's bedroom floor but the thought of moving right now feels unbearable. 

Doing anything right now feels unbearable.

What's the point?

He's gone.

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

It physically hurt.

I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe.

Each shallow inhale was met with forceful cries.

He's gone.

Regina hugs me tighter as another sob escapes my mouth.

I know it's late and for the sake of others in the George household I should try and quiet down but-

Damian's gone.

I feel a spot of wetness through my shirt and realize- Regina is crying too.

Who wouldn't? Damian is gone.

The mom of the friend group, the light whenever one of us was sad, the only one who was willing to stick up for tinies regardless if he knew them or not. He was sweet to everyone, and always welcoming. 

That was rare in Northshore.

Now it's gone.

Now he's gone.

My mind kept saying it but it didn't feel real.

He couldn't be.

No.

Damian was my rock. I needed him. He needed me. We needed each other. What am I supposed to do now? 

He cared when no one else did.

He made me feel loved and important when no one else would.

Even as I sat here in Regina's arm, I never felt more alone. 

More lost.

Damian was dead.

I wouldn't get to see him tomorrow- I wouldn't get to see him ever again.

"Regina-"

"Shhh, I know." Her fingers ran through my hair gently removing the knots from the day. "I know."

But she didn't.

She wasn't there when I hit rock bottom. She wasn't there when Damian was. She didn't know how much I needed him.

I slump into Regina, completely drained of tears. She continues her work on my hair, it would be a lot quicker if she had a brush but- it felt nice.

"I miss him," I say bitterly. With the tears out, I felt angry. Angry at the world for doing this. Angry at the driver for blowing through an intersection. Angry at myself for not doing more. Not being able to do more.

"Hey, stop that." Regina says suddenly, grabbing my nonbroken arm.

Huh? 

Oh.

I had been scratching my thigh without even thinking about it.

My fishnets were ripped and four long red lines stood in their place.

It didn't come close to breaking the skin, but Regina gently held my hand anyway. "Remember your promise to Damian."

"How?"

"He wanted to make sure you were okay, no matter what happened. I mean- we all do- but you know Damian."

"Yeah," I say softly. Of course, Damian was more worried about me even-

Even on his death bed.

Because he’s dead now.

He’s gone.

I frown, pulling away from Regina. 

"I'm tired."

She nods. "Okay, you go to bed, I gotta- make a few calls, okay?"

"Okay."

I don't bother to change into the pajamas I brought, I just flop down on Regina's bed.

I can almost hear Damian telling me to change out of my fishnets and remove my contacts and take off my makeup- all the things I should do.

But the second I'm lying down- there's no getting up again.

I don't want to ever get up again.

He's gone.

Damian is gone.

He couldn't be.

It wasn't real.

I had to wake up from whatever hellish nightmare this was.

I look down at my cast.

A painful reminder of reality.

A painful reminder of today.

I twist so I'm on my back with my cast resting on my chest as Regina leaves the room, leaving the door cracked behind her. 

"Hey Cady, I have news. Aaron with you?"

guys- listen. this could be the angstiest shit ever or not at all- ive read it so many times im desensitized. So yeah, sorry if  broke your heart, ill try harder next time if I didnt. now who wants fluff? or tiny swap p2 lmao @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

[thelostandforgottenangel]

Good Morning everyone! I'm back!

 I am happy to say that it is over, any reported harassment's against me were investigated; I had to send so much crap in and was told to wait; I was not guaranteed anything but it is luckily over and I can move past that and enjoy my followers and dear Tumblr family once again

Thank you for the few who gave me the support; I did get the messages whoever you are, I really would like to put a face to them but will not post them publicly to keep everyone safe. 

Now I want to take this time to apologize to everyone for whatever I did because for the two people I had contact with talked me out of a very permanent plan to officially leave here if I lost my page after many years of being able to confide in people who cared and built me up because this is my safe zone; my safe haven away from my reality which I do need my escape to forget for just a second. 

Returning to Tumblr after a forced hiatus, I was just happy to be back and check on my loved ones; getting my new phone in and finally having access to the internet again had me so happy until I got a message I did not fully understand

Now I had just returned; I had no clue what was going on when this happened and, yes, it upset me deeply to be delighted to talk to somebody I considered a friend and instead while replying to ask how they were doing wanting to be sure they were okay ((Understanding the person had been having troubles before I vanished I was looking in on a friend)) before the chat showed they had blocked me right after

Like everyone on here except one person; there is no way to contact me if I go missing. If I am not here due to I either: 1.) not having internet thanks to the person in control of it or 2.) functioning with a broken phone meaning - I did not get updates unless it was somebody who knew who to contact

I had no other way of reaching out since the friend is no longer active here after leaving months ago.

I had no clue what was transpiring and, Lexi, who anyone who has followed me since the beginning, is my lovely Anonymous penpal who sends me writing ideas for stories and the only real reason I left anonymous asks active because she, like me, suffers from extreme anxiety was trying to boost positivity for me because she understood my situation and the place I am in

I understand now she contacted a lot of people looking for me because; my anon messaging was finally turned off weeks before I left right after I stood up to my bully – I am sorry for that I did not get to say goodbye to anyone because it happened without warning and to those who knew what was going on I knew you would understand, and I know I worried a few people, it was never my plan to be such an inconvenience 

Now at some point in the last few days, I had a dear friend send me some things in a submission that I never saw and wish I never had, thankfully; I know now, and for the sake of their sanity and to keep from adding any more drama or toxic actions to our wonderful fandom, they will remain unnamed because I do not want them catching any hate

Nobody here deserves hate.

So I will not be posting the original nor will I release the creator's name; this was a problem between us it stays between us because I do not wish ill on you; I hope you are successful and are having no more issues, I know returning to my page and not seeing any anon hate in my box after ten days is very refreshing for a change

I have seen everything said about me in three possibly four separate posts since it was all sent to me as one with little separations in-between, and I’m okay with it; I guess I have to accept this is how you feel I have nothing else to say on the matter

What you are saying is fine; I’m not going to let it get me, that is your opinion, and as human's, we are all allowed to have an opinion 

Now, I don't know if you will see this, but I don’t think you are crazy in any way; I think you are intelligent and you have a huge heart; in our IM's you told me about your disorder also about you mental problem and like I said there I still understand; it runs in my family and, thankfully it bypassed me; but I still have compassion for those battling mental illnesses since I do have a few myself

I didn’t know about the ask you got until you mentioned it before I returned, and since mentioned by my best friend that she got one too earlier in the day I already knew who you were talking about

I had just seen it when I got blocked, and I didn’t fully get to read it until this morning when I was finally able to log on, and yes, I privately told you who that anon was because I had told her what a sweet person you were encouraging her to friend you, I have no idea how I lied but it is okay too

I was not here for those hate messages nor was I involved in anything I get too much hate daily when I am here to even dream of sending it but, nobody will believe me except anyone who has ever interacted with me

In your post, you warned people about three of those five people (Again; the ones I know about will not be named) 

I only tried to interact once with your Raph; the response was enough to discourage me from ever trying again; you were stressed I got that because of everything going on I can only imagine you felt like it was an attack, I did not want an RP I just needed somebody to talk to that night, and, for once I didn't go directly to private messages as I do with everyone, that was my fault so I deserved the blow up even if I did not know about that RP until you explained. I apologized, profusely because I felt bad for bringing up – it was to talk, something many know I am not good at, I didn’t know the subject would hurt you; we had never interacted but you had offered to interact with me at one time if I needed you and trying to heal I attempted to reach out on the only thing I had seen on your page a long time ago

I don't get to RP for me haven't for a long while now, but I try to make others happy

But I am sorry I made an effort to reach out; you didn't need that

So if you are in the TMNT fandom, please be cautious because I only seem cause problems for the people I care for

You blocked me, you have your reasons, and yes, I do respect them and, after this post, it is in the past; I hope you are doing and getting along well

And guys, I can’t and will not give the name of this person or do it privately because I don’t want them catching any hate, but please, by all means, if you ever find their blog follow them; they are so talented and deserve so much love from this fandom

Lastly, while I will be staying on Tumblr because I do not want to leave any of you, I will be making several changes to my several pages soon to make sure this never happens again and to all my followers; I love you guys, and for that, I will no longer be posting struggles on here anymore even though I only gave you guys a penny in a 10-gallon bucket because I needed comfort that was too much; my problems are my burden, not yours; and I can not say how sorry I am that I ever put that on any of you

Nobody needs to know what their friends are dealing with when we come here to be happy because it is too much to put on anyone not personally dealing with it, so you will only see the sadness in my stories and only see the struggle in my art 

My ask box will be open; anon will alternate day to day but, any hate I hope not to see will be deleted immediately; if your face is on the lovely message; you will be blocked right there just like the last 12 people since quarantine started for me in February

Also, while I am still here *this is a scheduled post it is 4 a.m. my time will post, hopefully after I am asleep cause my sleep schedule is grossly off* I do not want ANY hate streaming from this post, I know my followers will not do that to anyone; this is just me getting it out of my system 

We are breaking the chain of toxicity right here! We were not meant to be friends in this lifetime but maybe the next

Tumblr, at one point, was always a beautiful, safe place for many of us who needed a way out of our situations; and when I joined in 2014 as a supernatural blog I was run off, then I came back again in 2016 for TMNT and found my family some of us just wanted a place to be us; to not be judged for who we were, it needs to go back to that for all of its members soon.

We have already lost way too many wonderful creators from here let's not lose any more

And if you have noticed a difference in the last three months, mostly pertaining to my writing; I downloaded Grammarly and started taking classes with my old English teacher on ZOOM who, bless her heart, had to deal with my dumbass in school because I suck at punctuality.

I was very self-conscious about admitting that, but somebody reminded me there is no shame in learning something again and I have been working hard

[softlilpet]

it’s emo time boys. sad feelings under the cut, dont read/interact if ur gonna criticize me for having feelings, but kind words are always appreciated <3

i think i’m gonna make 'emo time’ my sad personal post tag? yknow? since horny time is my horny post tag? idk. anyways.

i’m really hurting right now and i’m trying to figure out how to snap myself out of it 😔 so basically my ex dumped me and then a week later his trans friend came out to his own parents and got kicked out of his house SO this new trans boy has been living with my ex. and i know they’re into each other because my ex literally told me so. i eventually had to cut him out of my life completely because talking to him was so painful. 

i just keep thinking about all of the things that he promised me and how special he made me feel and how sure i was about him and about us. i now realize that our relationship was getting increasingly toxic and we just werent right for each other, but it still hurts knowing that i’m sitting here trying to pick the metal shards out of my heart and he’s out there with someone else.

i mean this was gonna be a hard breakup inevitably since it was my first ever real relationship and we were together for a whole year and he said he said he wanted to get married LOL and i really felt safe n secure with him but clearly i was wrong ANYWAYS. i think it’s TEN MILLION times worse because if he wasnt with somebody else i could think about how we were both in the same boat, i’d have someone who understood me, i’d know that we were both healing from this and that would be comforting. but no. he had another one lined right up. i feel betrayed, really and truly. i feel replaced. he’s with somebody else, which reinforces all of my negative false beliefs and insecurities of being unlovable and not being good enough.

he accused me of not acknowledging the fact that he’s hurting. he might feel guilty, he might miss me (or might not because that “void” got filled real fast!), which are valid things to feel! he’s allowed to hurt! he’s allowed to do whatever he wants and he clearly is. but. me talking about my own hurt and facing him with the reality that he did hurt me does nothing to erase the pain he feels. me asking him to stop hurting me says nothing about his pain.

idk man im just really hyperfixated on the fact that ive been feeling so extremely lonely lately, and it doesnt help that he’s out there doing just fine with somebody else 😔

[fairyscribbles]

Boiling Bite. (Chanyeol, Wolf!au) 2/2

Hello guys! A few little changes!

I will try to again re-update a lot of the lists that I have here, because not only they were not up to date, they are a bit glitched, as I saw when uploading that Baekhyun story!

I also thought of putting up my ko-fi link again. I stopped doing it for a while because I was pretty content, but as I started working, my financial needs rose up as well, due to travel, food etc etc. I am also really shooting to go to the JLPTs again and obtain the highest level (N1). For that, I need the books for it. I already bought the grammar book, so I need the vocab, kanji and reading so I can prepare and hopefully go try out the summer dates of the test!

It’s also a bit hard to update for me now not only because of school but also because of the house renovation. My desk is really cluttered from all the things I’ve had on shelves and my laptop has been connected to the TV for about three weeks now and has been exclusively used for Netflix ^^’ I did go back to writing into notebooks though, and I’m biting through a few of the requests. Who knows, maybe once I’m done, I will open them again!

Well now, after this super long essay, let’s enjoy the second part of the Kris story I have posted a while back!

If you need to refresh your memory, here is the first part! If you like what you read, you can support me on ko-fi!

♥

-

Everything burned and everything hurt. You didn’t remember when was the last time you were conscious for more than five minutes. The pain always knocked you out before you could go insane with it.

You could clearly remember that night... the dark alleyway... Kris’ mate crying into her phone, begging Kris to come and save you. 

The two vampires standing, ready to pounce. 

You stepping between the vampires and Kris’ mate.

And then the bite.

It was as if somebody suddenly poured acid into your veins and the blood carried it all over your body. It felt horrible. You wanted to die as you felt the ice cold fangs digging into you, sucking the life out of you.

It might’ve been gone in a few seconds, but it felt like hours to you.

They came and saved you. But it was too late, as you crumbled to the ground and you screamed in pain.

You felt someone, Chanyeol probably, picking you up and cradling you to him, but it didn’t do anything with the horrible pain that coursed through your body.

That’s when you blacked out the first time.

- 

The first time you came to was when you felt someone settle down next to you.

“Ch-Chan…” your voice was too raspy for you to continue, a coughing fit interrupting your question.

“It’s me, ___.” Answered the voice that did not belong to your mate. Kyungsoo wiped at your forehead, the wet cloth gathering the sweat that trickled down your face.

“What…what…happene-“

“You were bitten. It’s the werewolf genes and vampire saliva that’s making you hurt.” You whimpered as the washcloth trailed down your face onto your neck, to the bite mark. A strangled scream ripped through your throat when the cloth dabbed at the wound and you immediately cowered from the pack’s healer. You heard him apologize, but everything was pronounced so slow and the way your eyelids seemed to drop, you knew you were out of it once again.

-

“Alright, ___. We need to get some of the bad blood out. This is going to hurt a lot, so we’re going to do it by bits, alright?”

You slowly grew accustomed to the pain, you were beginning to understand how it worked, how it always came in waves at you. It could’ve been two days since Kyungsoo’s visit, but it could’ve been two weeks as well.

You nodded shakily, tilting your head to the side and revealing your neck to him. Kyungsoo sighed, placing everything he was holding onto the nightstand before looming over you, his lips on your neck.

“Try to hold on as long as possible…” he mumbled quietly, his breath ghosting over your skin, before his lips closed over the wound. The first suck had you arching against him in a scream, your fists bunching in his shirt. You screeched, pleading for him to stop, trashing from side to side. You could feel the lift slipping from you from every suck by Kyungsoo’s lips. It ended just a few seconds after, yet it felt like eternity.

Kyungsoo spit out the blood he held in his mouth, its color a washed out red and more yellow than anything else.

“You did great, ___.” Kyungsoo gently stroked your cheek, trying to somehow calm you down.

“Chan…” you coughed heavily after that.

“What was it, ___?”

“Where…is…Ch-Chan…Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo fell silent for quite a while after that. Every passing second was like a dagger to your heart.

“He’s out hunting. He left three days ago, he didn’t come back yet.” Kyungsoo told you and yet you somehow knew it was a lie. You swallowed the tears that crept up on you and nodded to the tense Kyungsoo.

“You should try to get some sleep, ___-ah. We’ll try to get out more tomorrow.” His voice was gentle as if he was talking to a child. You nodded again, the grip of consciousness already slipping past your hands.

The last thing you thought of was Chanyeol’s voice, desperately calling your name.

-

Chanyeol sighed as he walked through the door. His body was full of kinks and soreness that wouldn’t be able to go away even after extended rest. As if he could do that, anyway.

For the past few days, he hadn’t thought about anything else, but revenge. He spent the past three days hunting down a vampire coven, making sure he would get every and single one of those suckers.

He kicked off his muddy boots and entered the house, his jacket a bloody pool on the floor. As he passed the mirror, he noticed the deep bags under his eyes and hallowed face.

He was only a ghost of what he used to be. He felt it, in his skin, his bones, in his very form, something changed. And he didn’t know how he would bring it back.

-

They switched every day. At first, only Kyungsoo would come, but later on, Suho replaced the healer, calling in Jongin to hold you down while sucking out the poison. The day after, the two switched and after that, Minseok and Luhan took their turns in trying to make you feel better.

You had already filled a whole glass with the yellowish substance and your mind was free from the sticky mist that clouded your senses.

It had its downfall, as it made the pain of healing clearer and the realization that since the night you’ve been bitten, Chanyeol hasn’t seen you once. Not a single time you felt his presence beside you and that made you tear up.

You probably disgusted him. You were bitten. And broken. Who in the right state of mind would want a broken mate? You thought as Kyungsoo gave your neck one hard last suck.

“Kyungsoo…” you choked out, stuttering over the lump in your throat.

“Yes? What is it?” he answered after cleaning his mouth, the poison still rocking slightly in the cup.

“K-Kill me.” You sobbed, the tears sneaking up on you. You could almost feel Kyungsoo freeze.

“What?” he wanted to you repeat as he slipped his hands around yours. You gripped him desperately.

“Please, just…let me have it over with. Just kill me and let that be…it.”

“Are you crazy? What about Chanyeol?” his voice sounded as if he still didn’t believe what you were saying. You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked at the ceiling, illuminated by moonlight.

“He…he doesn’t care about me anymore.” You had to wait a moment after saying that to calm yourself down. It was far too painful.

“I don’t blame him, though.” You added with a smile, even through the tears.

“Who would want a mate that is tainted by the enemy?” Kyungsoo squeezed your hand, rubbing circles into your skin with his thumb.

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard, ___. And I’m in a pack with Jongin, which means I’m listening to stupidities on a daily basis.” You could hear the smile in his voice and you couldn’t help but to chuckle shortly.

“Chanyeol wants you all the time. NO matter how you act, look or feel.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Kyungsoo was quiet for a long time, weighing out his options. IN the end, he sighed, shaking his head.

“I would like to know that, too.” He rubbed your hand some more. It wasn’t the same thing as being comforted by your mate, but it came close.

“Just go to sleep, ___. You did good today.” You squeezed Kyungsoo’s hand one last time, before slowly rolling on your side. You instinctively awaited Chanyeol’s arms wrapping around you and pull you to him, but that never came.

-

Before Chanyeol could sigh and slip off his jacket, he was shoved back by a furious looking Kyungsoo.

“You need to start taking care of your mate.” He growled in a low tone, his eyes flickering gold.

“I am.” Chanyeol mumbled under his breath, trying to keep his cool.

“I’m avenging her. Killing every motherfucker I can get my eyes on.”

“She doesn’t need that. She needs you. But you’ve been too much of a pussy to face her.”

“What?” Chanyeol hissed, his beast stirring. Kyungsoo’s face showed he was being serious about what he said.

“I said, you’re too much of a pussy to look at her. You need to start taking care of her.”

“Do you even know how it fucking feels like? Being in my place?” Chanyeol asked, his tone menacingly passive as he came closer to Kyungsoo.

“Do you know the fucking feeling, when the person you love the most, the person you would die for, gets hurt? Like that? In front of your own fucking eyes?!” Chanyeol’s growl gradually turned into roaring.

“Do you even know how I feel when I walk around the room and I hear her screaming? Because I was unable to help her? Do you know the feeling?”

“And do you fucking know what you’re doing to her now? Did you even know that she asked me to kill her yesterday?” Kyungsoo’s words were like a thousand daggers, stabbing into his heart. As he heard about your wish to die, his knees buckled.

“W-What?” Kyungsoo smiled grimly as Chanyeol’s shock-ridden state.

“She thinks you don’t want her anymore. She told me that you probably think of her as disgusting since she was bitten by a vampire.” Chanyeol sighed deeply, sliding down the wall he was leaning against.

“Fucking hell…” he muttered, running his fingers through his hair. Kyungsoo knelt down next to him, laying his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Look, I’m not going to try to convince you that it wasn’t your fault. You wouldn’t listen to me anyways. But killing vampires won’t help her. She needs you close. She needs to know that she’s still wanted.” Chanyeol sighed, nodding. He was too weak to say anything else.

“The sucking of the poison is very painful for her. She needs her mate. If you would do it, the poison will be gone in a few days.” When Chanyeol still didn’t answer, Kyungsoo patted his back once more and he stood to leave.

“Kyungsoo…”

“Hmm?” he turned around to look at Chanyeol. Only then he noticed how the biting affected him. He looked like hell- there were big bags under his eyes, his clothing hung on his disappearing frame and his shoulders seemed slumped with eternal luggage.

“Thank you. For everything.” Kyungsoo smiled softly.

“We’re brothers, Chanyeol. I would do anything for you.” At this Chanyeol smiled slightly.

“Even so. Thank you so much.”

-

You stirred when your bed dipped with another weight settling on it. Your fever had gone up again, so you didn’t recognize what was happening until the unknown person cupped the back of your neck and tilted your head to the side. Your blood started running faster as you realized what’s happening.

“No, Kyungsoo…” you whimpered quietly, your fists balling into his shirt. The body seemed different from Kyungsoo’s though.

“Please, no more…” you tried to cover the wound by tilting your head, but he nudged it aside with his nose. As you tried to fight back, more weight settled over you.

“Calm down, ___-ah…” a low voice rumbled above you and you suddenly knew who it was.

“Chanyeol?” he answered you with a hum, as he lightly licked your neck. Your breath hitched and you wound your hands around his torso, bringing him close. Chanyeol swiped his tongue over the wound once more before he closed his lips around it, giving it an experimental suck. He shuddered when the bad blood entered his mouth, but it didn’t stop him from sucking harder. It was much different, the cleansing with your mate. It was almost pleasurable for the first seconds and you pushed him down onto you some more, panting quietly. Chanyeol paused a while to spit out the venom in his mouth before diving in for more. This time, it was more uncomfortable, and you squirmed against him, your hands bunching in his shirt and tugging on it, to pull him away. He stayed relentless though, as he sucked harder. The first hard suck was painful.

“Chanyeol…” you whimpered, squirming some more. Once again, he leaned away to spit out.

“One more time, baby.” He assured you, closing his mouth around the wound again.

It was painful the last time, just as it was with the others. You arched your back, trying to get him from you, you tried swinging your head from side to side, but Chanyeol’s hold on you was tight, not letting go until you actually screamed out.

He quickly spat out the remaining poison and had you in his arms in seconds, holding you against his chest securely.

“I’m so sorry, baby, I’m sorry…” he kept repeating in your hair, stroking it comfortingly.

It took a while for you to calm down and to realize that he was actually with you. After the week of separation, it seemed unnatural.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore…” you mumbled under your breath, holding onto him tightly. He reciprocated the grip, kissing the crown of your head.

“Are you kidding me? You’re my mate. I warned you about this before you signed your soul- it’s a job for life.” You giggled tiredly- the cleansing always had a dizzying effect on you- maybe because you lost a lot of blood.

“Will you stay?” you asked, looking up at him. You didn’t let him have much of a choice. There was a small chance he would be able to get out of the grip you had on him, anyways.

“Forever.” He said, kissing your lips.

[meanderfall]

thank you my love!! ^v^

(lmao i finally did it @solienna... it’s been like months but i finally completed this. also if you’re wondering, when i first tried to answer the original ask, it wouldn’t save any of what i’d written as a draft, so i just started a new post lol)

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Flaws (acoustic) by Bastille

Wait For It from Hamilton

Here Comes the Rain Again by Eurythmics

3. three songs you were recently obsessed with

World in my Pocket by The Unlikely Candidates

The Darker the Weather, the Better the Man by MISSIO

Walk Me Home by P!NK

8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation

this is probably a weird choice but The Kids Aren’t Alright. I honestly don’t know why, it just gives me summer vibes.

Taste by Sleeping at Last (probably bc i listened to this A LOT while playing stardew valley and stardew gives me summer vibes)

Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy

(this section was so hard.... there are like 0 songs that i actually associate with summer and vacation. literally the only way i do is if i discover said song and listen to a lot around the time summer starts)

11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack

What’s Up Danger By Blackway & Black Caviar

I’m Still Standing by Taron Egerton

The Cyborg Fights (Genos’ theme from One-Punch Man. It’s an instrumental piece, and it goes off).

12. three favourite songs from video games

i fucking hate you adri, so much, i never listen to video game soundtracks, you fool, i have nothing to offer you

Klavier’s theme from Ace Attorney! Called Guilty Love lmao

I played Night in the Woods recently, and I think my two favourite pieces were Astral Alley (it plays during a dream sequence and i literally fucked around doing nothing for a bit just to listen to this. It’s so peaceful, but there’s something also... wistful or sad about it, that i just love.) 

and Dusk Stars! (That one plays while stargazing with a professor as a sidequest and tbh it was one of my favourite parts of the game. Surprisingly wholesome, and the last bit really struck a cord with me.)

13. three songs you want at your funeral

Saturn by Sleeping at Last

I Lived by One Republic

Pieces by Harbor and Home (low-key this song is practically a narrative for my life and for once it’s just comforting)

14. three songs you want at your wedding

Bright by Echosmith

Lovesong by Adele

Meaning of Life by Kelly Clarkson

(i don’t.... listen to happy love songs.... i was just going through my library of romantic songs and i was like “this is too pop, this is too angsty, this is pre-relationship, etc. etc”.)

15. three songs you want to dance with your love to

Fly Me to the Moon

Turn Time Off

Anna Sun by Walk the Moon (tbh this song gives me a very specific image of like moving into a new home with my lover and this song is playing while we’re unpacking, or even just any high energy song, and we end up pausing unpacking long enough to dance silly together and sing the song and it ends with us like hugging with a peck for good measure and life seems so good and perfect)

18. three songs that remind you of your best friend

Budapest (legit bc she showed me this song and was like “i think you would like this!” and you bet your ass i would love that song even if it was trash)

Another Night on Mars

Trouble is a Friend by Lenka (why? i legitimately don’t know. Especially since she’s the sweetest and most peaceful person ever. Then again she is a junkrat main.... never mind it makes sense)

19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure

Waters of Megalovania

Jessie’s Girl (this is like. the quintessential chad complaining about being friend-zoned, but i jam out to it every time, and im sucker for jealousy and unrequited love)

I Don’t Even Care About You by MISSIO for the days when im angry or having a bad day or more annoyed than usual at people trying to interact with me, and I just want to indulge in my old cynicism and hatred of the world in general

20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

Hate That You Know Me by the Bleachers

Happy by Marina and the Diamonds

21. three songs of your childhood

oh boy adri, i was an angsty kid. I also tried to keep this specifically to songs I listened to before the age of ten just bc in my head my childhood was pretty much from the ages 3 to ~9, and honestly corresponds to a very specific period in my life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson

Pieces by Sum 41

Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad

All We Do by Oh Wonder

All the King’s Horses by Karmina

SoLow by Keegan Calmes

(this selection was actually hard bc there are... a surprising amount tbh and that probably isnt a good thing lol)

23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up

How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

High on Humans by Oh Wonder

Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon (to the surprise of exactly no one. This song came out five years ago and it’s STILL my feel good song, even when i feel terrible)

(this was also a hard choice because i got so many feel good, pump me up songs as well, which i guess??? balances out the amount of sad songs i know and love??)

24. three favourite old songs

lmao how old are we talking here? early 2000s? before that? 1950s? i’ll just go with some goodies

Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer (OKAY SO. this is low-key an all-time favourite of mine and that i relate(d) to a LOT as the person he’s singing about.)

Africa by Toto (damn fucking right im putting it adri!!!)

For What It’s Worth by Buffalo Springfield

26. three favourite non-English songs

Alles Neu by Peter Fox (for once not a lyrics video, bc the official video is part of the Experience for this song)

The Narrow Street by Shin-Yong Woo (aka Jumin’s voice actor. This is simultaneously a huge mood, and gives me feels for my husband)

Little Traveler by clear (the only vocaloid song i know! im truly a sucker for The Little Prince though, the novel that inspired this song)

(be proud of me adri, this section could’ve been nothing but japanese songs, a good portion just from anime.)

29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives)

im not gonna lie, a lot of these songs were kind of taken by the childhood ones but lemme see if i can scrounge up any others

In a Big Country by Big Country

Stand by Rascal Flatts

Better Get to Livin’ by Dolly Parton

(As you know, I listen to the first one A LOT, pretty much every time I get into sad mood and want some comfort, but the other two, i sort of forget about, even though i remember these songs being super important to me when i was younger. And re-listening to these now is... kind of crazy tbh, and bringing up all sorts of memories. I will say, perhaps i should give younger me more credit for how hard she was trying to heal and be a better person, just based on these songs lol)

30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above)

Lemme see, im gonna give you guys some songs that I internally categorize as late night songs. The songs that make you feel like you’re listening to it at 2 am on a Saturday night, and reality feels just a little bit shifted, and everything feels deeper, more meaningful

Sloppy Seconds by Watsky

Shrike by Hozier

Hurricane by Reuben and the Dark

Sunflower by Post Malone, Swae Lee

+Bonus. Three songs I can listen to, no matter what my mood

Muscle Memory (Acoustic) by Lights. No joke, even on days where i feel like any song is going to irritate the fuck out of me and im sick of listening to music and the emotions they evoke, i can listen to this and immediately feel better

It’s Alright by Mother Mother (legit whenever it shows up in my recommended i smash that mf play button no matter what. it’s like one of, if not the only, song that matches the screaming in my head.)

You’re Somebody Else by flora cash (same as the two above tbh)

[readbythestarlight]

c2e28

“This flask is Taliesin’s new character” shut up Sam don’t mock us

They’re FINALLY going to go check out the Taskers and i swear if Taliesin’s character isn’t with them I’m gonna die

(unless this is all a trick and Taliesin is just hanging out until Molly can reasonably be brought back…)

Caleb stepping in and doing some strategizing both makes me proud and makes me sad because I guarantee he was great at that before Everything happened

Beau and Caleb disagreeing over a spider

“Shady Debaters Debate Team” I would wear that shirt

Nila wants to use her lighting let her fuck people up with her lightning draw people outside for her to fry please

Yes please get yourself some goddamn healing potions

YAAAAS NILA HAS HEALING WORDS

and good berries xD

GUYS I STILL LOVE HER SO MUCH I WOULD STILL DIE FOR HER

The Bone Orchard…ooooooo

Necromancers maybe?

Please go to the Taskers first I feel like Taliesin has to be with them

If people have been torturning Jester I’m gonna cry she’s too sweet for this

Nila’s smell bag is so cute y’all stop teasing her

“You are relying on me, I’m very happy” sHE’S SO PURE

Oh shiiiiit she just saved them from freaky forest ground monsters that’s my girl!

GRAVE SITE I’M TELLING YA ITS NECROMANCERS

Caleb getting tired of the debate and just heading over the gate

Not just carelessly flinging herself after him smh

Spooooooky place I don’t know how I feel about this

YAAAAAAAAS THEY FOUND HIM HOLY SHIT AHHHHHHHHHHHH OF COURSE HE LIVES IN A GODDAMN GRAVEYARD I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HE IS THE ULTIMATE GOTH

HE’S A FIRBOLG???

“Caduceus Clay” AND HES A CLERIC GOD BLESS Jester will be delighted that she doesn’t have to do all the healing anymore

Caduceus seems delightful I’m delighted I MISSED YOU TALIESIN

fuck i love him already

he’s like the goddamn grave keeper TALIESIN COULD YOU HAVE GONE ANY MORE GOTH

B: “You’re drinking dead-people tea?”

Cad: “Aren’t we all?”

THE. ULTIMATE. GOTH.

…can’t bring Molly back. I’m not surprised at all given that it would be weird to bring his own character back, but still. That’s okay. It’s fine.

He just figured he’d sit there with his tea until someone came to help him leave lol

C: “Welcome to the Mighty Nein”

Cad: “There’s only, uh—“

B: “DON’T overthink it”

Nott shooting Beau to test Cad’s healing xD

FRUMPKIN NO DONT KILL HIM

fuuuuuuuck he dead

they needed him god dammit

HE’S ALIVE

ALIVE BY 1

I can’t decide if this is going to be a disaster, them going after them again right now, or???

LETS NOT SPLIT UP AT ALL EVEN JUST TO KILL TWO GUARDS

Taking off her armor is a horrible idea guys

Guest!Ashley has the cutest face and the purest laugh??? I love her

While we’re on break I’m trying to decide, is it weird that Taliesin chose to play a cleric when they already have a cleric? Part of me is like “what if he did that because he knew they were gonna need the temporary heals and he’s just gonna stick around as Cad until Jester is back and then he’s gonna rez Molly” and part of me is just like bfs girl Molly is gone let him go??

I don’t think I’ll be able to move on from Molly for sure though until the M9 move on from Shady Creek, with Cad tagging along.

Frumpkin the 3-HP spider

Not asking Cad questions nervously is adorable

Beau just sticking her face in the bag for the luck orb xD

Caleb: talks about breaking a guy’s skull

Nila: “excellent”

Poor Taliesin having to figure out a whole new character. He’d barely really figured out Molly yet.

20 for a perception check nice job Keg!

Sumalee accidentally meta gaming is honestly just cute enough that i don’t even care she could metagame all day and i’d be fine with it

HERE THEY GOOOOO

Matt looks so lost xD

FUCK ‘EM UUUUUUP TEAM BEAU/CALEB/NILA

FUCK ‘EM UUUUUUP TEAM KEG/NOTT/CAD

good rolls, good rolls…

YAAAAS GO KEG!

YAAAAAS NILA BASH HIM DO IT GIRL she’s been waiting to kill someone for so long

goddamn they handled that SO WELL LOOK AT THEM IM SO PROUD

“one was just enjoying the wind, and then darkness forever” Matt xD

Goddamn I can’t believe they pulled that off so well. Lorenzo better watch the fuck out.

Are we calling him Clay then because I liked Cad

Frumkpin the flying spider?? Methinks they all forgot Caleb made him a spider

Nila’s so excited to have like 32 gold she’s so cute you guys

Keg get another nat20 for stealth

okay… are they really unnoticed I’m nervous

B: “Look at the—look at the windows, too.”

Cad: “They’re nice.”

I love hiiiiiim

We can’t go get friends tho because they’re not HERE YET

Boy I can’t wait to see this map

Liam missing his rogue days hardcore right now lol

YAAAAS Taliesin with the nat20 deception I was so scared

“I’m gonna have an ulcer after this game” fucking SAME

Ashley and Sam holding hands like SAME god the stress

Also heck yeah we’re uncovering the maaaaap!

Liam is just very thoroughly uncovering the map

fuck don’t squish Frumpkin

“Hey Phil come help me kill this spider!”

Oh thank god good job poofing him out Caleb

I’m serous guys I love Caleb coming up with plans and leading the group in Fjord’s absence I love it

WAIT

YOU CANT SEND NOTT IN BY HERSELF

DONT DO THAT

FUCK

WE CANT AFFORD TO LOSE ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE GANG GUYS

NOT NOTT

Hey Caleb can you teach Nott the door unlocking spell?

Keg: “Nott. Be careful.”

Nott: “…Do you care about me?”

K: “…Yeah.”

N: *happy wiggle*

Fuck I don’t like this they were doing so well but this is going to be a disaster

A NAT1

FUUUUUUUUUCK

KILL THEM

fuck it was going so well god DAMMIT Caleb this was a BAD PLAN

God they’re not even all together I am literally so afraid right now

Yessss hasted Keg

fuckfuckfuck im literally so fucking scared right now

okay good they missed Not

FUCK ‘EM UP NILA

NO SAVE THE TOTEM FOR LORENZO

SAVE IT NILA

SAVE IT

poison spray yesss that sounds nice and 12pts damage good girl

poor Sam has such a hard time with his rogue skills

NOTT STOP RUNNING AHEAD

GOD Y’ALL DID MOLLY TEACH YOU NOTHING

fuck them up Keg

Yessssss kill him Keg my hero

Hasted Keg is the best man 4 attacks? She’s helping make up for a lack of Yasha

Keg getting between Nott and danger is so sweet I’m crying is she trying to make sure Molly does’t happen all over again

I would also die for Keg you guys

Sorry Phil you dead

BITCH HAS YASHA’S SWORD

FUCK HER UP

Wait until you get in the room above the trap door at least Nila

I adore her

PHIL DON’T YOU TOUCH NILA

yesssss he misses

NOTT

DONT FUCKING GO NEAR THE BARBARIAN

“IM THINKING OF REMOVING MY SPINE… CAUSE IT’S ONLY HOLDING ME BACK! :D”

holy shit Nott put her prone I’m crying I’m sorry I doubted you Nott

Fuck up the barbarian Keg yessss

Action surge means what what is that it’s cool

NAT20 YAAAAAS Keg is the BEST you guys

What I’m taking from this is that women name Ashley make the best lady characters and get the job done

why are you spending key points in non-combat when Lorenzo is still out there somewhere

Oh jeez are Cad or Nila close enough to heal Keg if she needs it??

DON’T TAKE AWAY HASTE

fuck

Liam and Matt gonna fight lol

Let Nila beat the door in

MOMMA POWERS ACTIVATE and she beats in the door HELL YEAH

Maybe she should have saved the totem for IN the trap door?

Sumalee is so concerned that she’s gonna make a mistake it’s cute

UH I KNOW IT’S A JOKE BUT YOU CAN TAKE TALIESIN’S NEW CHARACTER FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS SOMEONE ELSE CAN DIE

Cad coming in with the heals heck yes

“A cleric who likes to heal! It’s amazing” LOL Sam. My thoughts exactly though

This isn’t going terrible but it isn’t going great and I’m worried about what they will have left when it comes time to face Lorenzo

YEAAAAAH HDYWTDT CALEB HECK YES somebody grab Yasha’s sword

also damn Caleb you get vicious with that fire

oh baby

please don’t freak again Molly isn’t here to forehead kiss you out of it

Aw first time he managed not to have issues

Maybe Lorenzo isn’t home… that would be great…

Or he’s downstairs…

Damn, Taliesin, that’s so amazingly morbid and fantastic. Just melting them away into fertilizer.

Nott apologizing for not being able to unlock the door and Caleb reassuring her that it’s not her fault. My heart.

Trapped door.

They are all getting silly xD

Oh god okay here we go

“I like pink better than purple” Liam how dare you

Manacles again ffs Matt

God a whole underground place

“He’s looking for green or blue or goth”

Fuuuuck they gotta get through at least 3 more??

And still no Lorenzo

fuck i don’t like thiiiiiiis

Lorenzo is absolutely in there. If he was upstairs he would have come down.

You’re assuming that there isn’t another way out that they could escape through and flank you

Matt’s like “I just got the downstairs map out guys”

Cad/Clay/Whatever like “let’s just?? ask??”

Oh no

stop him

“fucking Phil, ammiright?”

fuck this son of a bitch up

16 damage fuck him uppppp Nila!

fuck him uuuuup Keg!

fuck him up Clay!

fuck him up Nott!

Clay just… turning him into mulch I’m crying

Damn I’m so impressed they took care of that so well

fuck traps

PLEASE LET NILA’S BABY BE OKAY

Nila being such a mom is my favorite like I’m so here for the peaceful person who has never hurt anyone, but will fuck you UP for touching their loved ones

SOMEONE HEAL ASSAR

IM CRYING

MATT STOP IT

it’s fine I’m only crying a little

“be well. be well my son.”

I’m very much crying

Let her rip it open Matt let her do it

Okay Nila it’s okay let Nott try or Caleb then if Nott can’t

SAM stop with the 1s!!

SHES GOT HER FAMILY BACK AGAIN I CRYYYYYYY

the power of love is stronger than metal bars hell yes

“I love it when it works for the narrative!” lol Matt at his most DM-i-est

FAMILY HUG ITS FINE IM NOT CRYING

oh god I’m gonna miss Nila so much

WE LOVE YOU NILA I HOPE WE SEE YOU AGAIN SOME DAY

FIRBOLG HUG

I’ve cried way too much these past like idk 7 episodes

Nila is forever a member of the M9 y’all save that feather

it’s fine

it’s totally fine

How many members of the M9 are there now

Fjord Jester Caleb Nott Beau Molly Yasha, then Shakaste, Cali, Kiri, Keg, Nila, and now Clay.

God this was such a good episode.

Caduceus is great guys. He’s different enough from Molly not to make me heartsore, and I think he’ll bring a nice new dynamic? I’m not at all disappointed by him (not that I expected to be, I knew Taliesin wouldn’t let us down).

I’m gonna miss Nila so much. Like Marisha said, she was the softness the group needed.

I can’t believe Sumalee has never properly played before! That’s amazing! She was amazing! I hope I can be half that great at my first proper game!

And I’m so excited to see how it goes next week, live from GenCon! Excited to see how this section wraps up. It’s gonna be amazing.

[dodosinsane]

Cheer up Florence Nightingale

Pt 1

Dared. As in the past. Daring. I was never afraid.

Night. I run , all sweaty. Footsteps. Somebody reeking of alcohol . A corner. Black corner.

I always wake up to the same dream. Panting. Sweating. But always stuck in the same place. Not daring. Not moving. Stiff.

I always wake up to the same dream, or how to put it .. nightmare. Or maybe not. A bad reality.

"Cheer up Florence Nightingale"

And so i get up. I am Flor , a twenty year old girl , Flor. I have a disorder. A few.

First: i am very repetitive. I like to call this a mental disorder so i can justify myself for always doing the same things.

Second : i am forgetful. I called this a trauma of something i dont really remember, you know , forgetful.

I have no memory of some past events. I dont remember half of my senior year of highschool.

Third: I dream of situations that never happened. In a repetitive way.

Fourth: i have no talents. Zero.

So i say , cheer up Florence Nightingale. Who is she and why i call myself that way? She was a war nurse in 17-th century. She was also called The lady with the lamp. When i was little and when my father used to came from the war , he would always try to do things for our home late at nights , like fix a chair , the grass outside , the roof. So sometimes at night i would flash a light and try to help him , so i was the lady with the lamp. He would tuck me to bed and tell me that Florence used to stay up all night long and try to heal the wounded solders , that she was daring and capable of everything. Just like me.

"How do you know"-i used to ask "How do you know she was daring , you never met her ? "

He would just laugh it off , but then again he would be so trusting and innocent back then, he also thought i was capable of anything. He never met me now , 20 years old , a loser.

I didnt get to become a nurse. I didnt get to become anything. I filled out tons of applications, jobs , trainings , everything.

Name: Flor Davison

Gender: Female

College : None

Other languages: None

Computer skills : average

Special talents: none

Dreams: a lot , but not that you would be interested in.

I get up to do the same things i did yesterday. Eat , watch tv , go search for jobs, eat, have basic interactions with my mother, text one single friend i got that studies abroad, sleep.

I did the same today.

I got up and went to buy a newspaper. I saw something on the yellow pages , an assistant at a first aid center. They didnt have an email address just a phone number , so i called them.

They didnt ask for much except height , weight , gender and age.

-1.67, 54, female, 20.

-Your parameters fill the criteria , so you can come tomorrow for the final screening.

That was a first. So i patiently waited for tomorrow.

I brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, put on clothes and went.

-hello im Flor , we spoke on the phone?

-Yes, im Grace yes, so you were the first to call and we were sort of in a hurry so we didnt have time for an official screening an interviews. You were lucky ,i guess..

She had short hair and big glasses , round and thick , like the ones you would have made fun of if you were in highschool. Small and a little chubby . Her face showed a few wrinkles ,she was 35 maybe? She looked unfocused and easily frightened , a nerd.

-So umm this is the room , the supplies are all here , if something is broken you have to report it . You dont have troubles with watching blood huh? I hope not ,the last girl was troublesome honestly, too weak at heart.

-Unm, Its an assistant right ? I will keep notes and timetables?

She looked confused.

-No its more like a -she paused and went to the desk to take a newspaper. -That idiot Jersey. I clearly told him not to do that anymore. There we go wasting time again.

She looked at me like she was doomed .

-Sweetie look, you are supposed to help the teacher on giving lectures , you see he gets easily distracted and has tons of other things to do . So there are different classes . First aid, blood sampling , medicines , how to treat a wound. You know. But since i said the professor is easily distracted , he cant talk while performing , he can only do one thing at a time , and thats what your job is . He talks you act , he acts you talk. But no pressure , if you want to leave its okay we are used to it , no biggies.

-Its not that, its more that i dont know what to do or say, im have 0 information.

-Oh yeah sure, stupid of me. Here. -she disappeared and came back after a few minutes with a handbook and two Cd-s

-So you can read these and watch the videos here. Its a recorded class. Its what you are going to do today. So the salary has 4 zeros just in case you were wondering.

Four zeros was a big thing for me , a first thing actually. Would i die to try it out. Whatever. Of course i would say yes.

I took everything in my hands. She smiled and said that my first class was at 2 pm. It gave me 4 hours to prepare. It would be a blood collecting and processing . How hard can it be? I went home and played the videos. There was a young man , more than a professor explaining. He looked cheerful but concentrated. Black hair. I couldnt see his face because he was performing but i saw the girl . She had red hair and blue eyes. Such a pretty combination. I memorized a few words. Three ways of collecting blood , needle , skin , pinch. Great , i got this.

When i arrived the professor was already there. He didnt even look at me but said to bring him the tools.

I went to the supply shelf to get them but they weren't there.

-whats taking you so long ? -he asked with a not so patient kind of voice.

-They arent here.

-what?

-They arent here , they should be in the supply room.

I ran there and searched for the tools but they weren't there. Grace wasnt in her office . Instead i find a note that said "back at four". Great .

I went to class to let the professor know.

-Are you dense? -he shouted

-Excuse me?

-The first thing they tell you when you come here is to report if something is missing and you cant even do that.

-Um im sorry but im new here and umm...

-and ? I should cut you some slack ?

The damned ignorant was getting on my nerves.

-no its my first day and probably the things went missing when the last girl was here , how was i supposed to know. As i said im new.

-You have been saying that you are new for the past week.

He still didnt turn his head to look at me.

-well if you would look at me you would know that its my first day .

He turned his head and his brown eyes stared at me. Confused and dreamy.

-Who are you?

-I am Flor , the new girl.

-Well Flor todays class is canceled .

-Umm what should i do now?

-call the students , what else?

He turned his head and started writing his notebook. I didnt have his attention anymore so i went to Graces office and started to make calls. She came at exactly four pm and by the look of it she already knew the class was off. She handed me a list of a few things i should do and sat in her chair ignoring me.

Clean. Rooms , supplies , print sheets , prepare for the next class which was tomorrow at 11. The building wasnt small, but it looked dead. Not a lot of people. It was two floors and white painted. It looked like a school but it smelled like a hospital. After seven i started seeing people and hearing noises amd Grace would lead them to a door that i didnt have access to. Not that i cared.

I didnt see the professor anymore. Come to think of it , he looked so young , maybe 26 but he had a tired and pale skin and not so strong arms.

Grace told me my shift ended at 10 but if i had finished i could leave a little early. So i left at 9 and went home.

I told the news to mom. I told her i was an assistant. She didnt ask anything else but she seemed pleased.

I texted Brianne. I feel asleep

Cheer up Florence Nightingale.

[supergirl-imagines]

Lena Luthor/you fic pt 25

“You’re sure this thing works, right?”

Kara noticed the change in your demeanor as soon as the two of you approached the Kryptonite chamber.  The walk back to the DEO had been a rather pleasant stumble, but it was obvious now that the idea of being face to face with Lena was getting to you.

“I promise you it does.  Are you ready?”

“I guess I am,” you replied quietly.  Kara turned and nodded at her sister, who was up in the control room that overlooked the chamber.  With the touch of a button, the door in front of you slid open and green light cast itself out onto the floor.  You took a deep breath and stepped inside.

“Y/N…”

Your heart began to pound in your chest at the sight of Lena, finally in front of you instead of being behind steel walls.  It didn’t help that the Kryptonite was draining your powers and leaving you a little lightheaded because of the alcohol in your system.

“Lena, hi.  I’ve missed you.”

The bruises on her neck caught your eye and you flinched.  You froze, dead in your tracks, when you saw the sadness in her gaze.

“I’ve missed you too,” she replied in a low, hoarse voice.  

“I-I’m so sorry for what happened today.  I mean, I assume somebody told you and I know I probably seem like-“

“Stop, please,” she cut you off and looked down at her feet.   Suddenly you felt nauseous.  Something was wrong—or at least even more wrong than it had been.

“Y/N, I have been aching to see you since I woke up here, but when Alex told me it could happen tonight I…I realized that I am not okay.  As much as I love you, I just…I can’t look at you without seeing what happened.”

“Lena…”

Your voice cracked.  She didn’t look up from the floor.

“I know it’s not your fault and I pray that you know that too.  I just…I can’t move past this.  Not right now.  I need…I need to be away from you.”

“Please, Lena.  Don’t do this.  I love you.”

“I love you too.  More than you’ll ever know.  But, I can’t be with you.  Not now.”

“I need you,” you choked out.  Your knees were trembling and despite the incredible power that you had outside of that room, you felt weaker than ever.  “Lena, please.  I need you.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.  You remained frozen in place as she picked her head up and walked past you.  Lena reached out her hand as if to hold yours, but let it fall as she left you in the chamber.

“Y/N?”

Kara finally came in the chamber 20 minutes later.  You had sunk down to the floor soon after Lena walked out; silent and stoic as you tried to get a handle on what had happened.

“She’s gone.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Kara sat down beside you and put a warm hand on your shoulder.  The contact seemed to break you out of your stupor and, much to your dismay and surprise, tears began rolling down your cheeks.

“Oh, Y/N,” Kara sighed and wrapped an arm around you.  “Lena just needs time to deal with what happened.”

“I don’t think time is going to help.  And it’s obvious she doesn’t think so either.”

“I know this is hard, but you need to promise me that you won’t lose control or spiral or something.”

“I won’t.”

“You say that, but I know who you are and I know what you’ve been through.” “Kara, I have nothing left to lose now,” you lifted your head and wiped your eyes.  “All I can do is try to get her back and she has to see that I am not the monster her mother turned me into.”

“You aren’t a monster-“

“I tried to kill her, Kara.  Neither one of us will ever forget that.”

Kara fell silent, knowing that what you said was true.  Her own experience with Red Kryptonite flashed through her mind and she shuddered.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I-I’ve just got to get it together.  For her.  I have to make myself good.” Kara watched as you shrugged out from under her arm and stood.  The Kryptonite rays powered down and the chamber darkened while you began to pace the circle.

“You are good, Y/N.”

“You’ve got to teach me to be like you.  To help people w-with my powers.  Because if I don’t have Lena, and I don’t have anything and I need…I need something.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to be a hero just because you have powers now.” You seemed to get more and more frantic as you moved.

���I have to make up for all of the things I’ve done and the people I’ve hurt.  Please, Kara, you have to help me.”

“Okay,” the blonde stood up and stopped you from pacing with two hands on your shoulders.  “Okay, Y/N.  If this is what you need, we’ll do it.  But right now, I think you should go to bed and get some rest.  We’ll see how you feel in the morning.”

“Okay,” you nodded, “but I’m not changing my mind.”

“Morning.”

Kara looked up in surprise from the article she was drafting and straightened her glasses.  She had let the DEO agents on duty last night know to leave your “cell” door unlocked in order to make you feel less trapped.

“It’s actually three in the afternoon.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t tell me that aliens still get hangovers.  I had to drink three glasses of water to keep from puking.”

“Sorry about that.”

“This coffee for me?”

You plopped down in the chair beside Kara and picked up the cardboard cup next to hers.  

“Well, it’s cold now so—“

Kara was cut off by you sliding your glasses down your nose, taking the cup’s lid off, and blasting it with heat vision.

“It’s going to take me a while to get used to someone else being able to do that.”

“You and me both.  Have you heard from Lena?”

Kara startled, having thought that Lena’s name would be taboo today.  She was planning on keeping you distracted from the previous night’s events.

“Uh, kind of.  I stopped by this morning, but she wouldn’t open the door.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah.  I think so, anyways.  She asked about you and then told me to go away.  I looked through the door and she had a lot of wine bottles out.”

“Sounds about right.”

Kara frowned in confusion.

“You seem…oddly okay.”

“I’m not.  But, I’ll be worse if I wallow in it, so let’s get going.  Teach me how to fight or something.”

“Y/N,” Kara spun her chair so that she could face you and shut her laptop, “being a hero is about more than fighting.”

“I’ve seen you beat up bad guys like a thousand times on the news.”

“You watch the news?”

“Irrelevant,” you took a sip of your piping hot coffee and leaned back in your chair.  “I know you’re probably going to give me a speech about how I can’t kill anyone, no matter how bad they are, and that my main goal has to be to protect people.”

“Well…yes.”

“Great, so we can skip that and you can teach me how to save the citizens and whatever.”

“Y/N, you are being really enthusiastic right now and while I want to like it, it's making me nervous.  You seem like you aren’t…processing what happened.”

“Well, what do you want from me?  I already cried in front of you and I just want to get on with my life.”

“Fair enough,” Kara sighed and stood up from her chair.  “I’ll change into my suit and then we’ll head out to the desert to fly.”

“Perfect.” ------------------------------------------------------------------- The second you and Kara stepped out into the sunlight, you were gone.  You had already left her a note in your room, begging her to let you go and not to track you down.  You had made your decision to leave last night as you laid in bed and stared at the ceiling.   You couldn’t be a hero.  You were more of a villain than anything.  

For a while, the blonde chased you.  But as you got miles and miles further, Kara realized what you were doing.  The second you got to the Mexico-Texas border, she couldn’t force you to come back.  You weren’t even a prisoner, really.  Since you were born in the United States, and therefore Earth, the DEO didn’t have any legal right to force you into custody.  Not to mention, they were an American organization and didn’t have jurisdiction outside of the country.

By the time you touched down, you knew you were well past the line separating you from the DEO’s reach.  The sun was burning down on you and you wiped the sweat from your brow.

Once again, it was time to start over. ------------------------------------------------- “What do you mean she’s gone?”

Lena all but ripped the door to her apartment open and as soon as she did, Kara could smell the booze rolling off of her.

“She left for Mexico.  I’m sorry, Lena, but there was nothing I could do.  I just thought you should know.”

“Wow, thank you for the notice.”

“Hey,” Kara put her hand out and stopped Lena from shutting the door on her, “don’t take this out on me.  She had every right to leave and quite frankly I don’t blame her.”

“So, this is my fault?”

“I mean, it’s Lillian’s fault but Y/N…you know she doesn’t.  She doesn’t know who she is without you and now I guess she has to figure it out.”

“This is just what she does, you know?” Lena scoffed and walked quickly back into her living room, where a half-empty glass of red wine sat on the coffee table.  She downed it and sat on the couch.  Kara joined her.  “She skips town and starts over somewhere new when things get hard.”

“Well, this is about as hard as things get.  And I don’t think she had anything to stay here for.  I’m not upset with you for taking the time that you need to heal, but you can’t be mad at her for dealing with it the only way she knows how.”

“I guess this was just doomed from the start, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t say that.  Maybe the two of you just need some time apart before you come back to each other.”

“She’s not coming back, Kara.  She never does.”

So I’ve decided to end the fic here because im very low on inspiration for it and i think you guys have kind of lost interest too (my fault, i don’t update regularly)  I hope you enjoyed it and if you guys ever want to stir it up again, feel free to shoot me a message

[happydays-xd]

how are you?

what have you been up to?

i miss you

do you miss me?

i'm still in love with you

i wake up every morning, with a void in my heart - so empty that it hurts

idk what to do with my day - i know what i should do but i can never pull myself to do it

i can't stop checking if you're online

when i look at my phone, the only thing i think about is you

my mind is constantly thinking about you

there's not a minute where i stop thinking about you

i totally deserve this - the punishment i must endure for the shit that i have done to you

i know i should independently find my own happiness - but honestly you were the best happiness that i had found

i wish i can ask back for what i had lost

did you want to start again?

we don't have to continue from where we had left off

let's be true and honest with each other and tell what we want and need each other to do - additionally as well as what we shouldn't do

i would do anything.. to be with you again

i know our relationahip was toxic... but being with you has been an amazing experience. it's an experience that i still want to keep with and i know it's hard for the both of us but i really want to make it work. ive always held on and made sure that i didnt lose you but now that i have, i really regret it. in saying this though, im only asking but also hoping, if you were to ever want to start again - im always here. it's been 3 weeks since we broke up and honestly, it's been a grueling 3 weeks. it's been a week since we stopped talking and the whole experience has just been so difficult to move on from. my days feels so slow and i always just wake up being reminded that i have no one to really talk to. friends are not just the same. losing a s/o wasnt the only thing i lost. i lost a best friend. i lost my only partner in crime, my number one supporter and... you were my everything.

It's a month now and two months since the incident. I still greatly regret what I have done. I also hate myself for it. You're now going to therapy because of it and idk when you will ever forgive me but I don't think I will ever forgive myself, and this feeling will never reside. I'm so sorry for what I have done to you. I should of said something. I should of just asked. All I needed to do was ask you. I hope that the therapy will help you get back on track and whether or not you forgive me, I don't really mind. Because I know that what you're feeling right now and then is more painful and hurtful than mine. So I deserve this. I derserve whatever punishment I will take or that will come at me.

I'm still getting over you. I'm still waking up every day feeling sad and empty. I can't famine the lost of someone that was so important to me. Everything I do reminds me of you. No matter what I do I can't forget you. I don't understand why I am not able to let go of you. I can't seem to distract myself enough to realise that I am just hurting myself. Why am I like this?

I'm slowly healing but I'm also still in love with you. I still have the smallest hope in ever being with you again. I hope that everyone is doing well and is okay. I miss the little one. I miss the loving mother. I miss the great father. I miss the realest sister. I miss them all so much and most of all, I miss you. It still feels extremely lonely. I try my best to cheer myself up and make an attempt to go out and socialise with other people, but it's just not the same when I get home - or when I am driving home by myself. The feeling of no one next time me. The presence of someone just by my side. Someone who loved me... It still hurts that you are gone and it hurts more that I don't know what you are doing now and that you have completely shut yourself away from me. I guess I can understand because you probably can't stand seeing me or you can't resist reaching out to me. I get it.. You just want to move on... I'm always here for you, you know that right?... and I'm always here... if you want to start again

It's almost our 2 year anniversary.. I know it probably doesn't mean anything anymore since we're not together but, the thought of it still hurts. I don't know if I have moved on from you. I look back now to all the arguments that we had and the amount of patience I had for you. It was hard for me to accept it. I had someone asked me why I loved you, or what was it that I missed about you. For reason I had trouble for a bit to think of something that I genuinely missed. I appreciated you for the amount of effort you gave to me even though I knew it was something that was out of your comfort zone. I appreciated the manners and life skills that you had taught me to be better in believing in myself and being more self-caring. You truly made me into a even better person than I was already. But alas, I realised as well that during our lowest moments there were times where it felt like I was a pushover. The things that you said to me were painfully harsh and I was loving blindly and was always in denial of the flaws in the relationship. I wish we communicated more in person. I wish that you were able to just speak to me openly about what was wrong. I don't regret this relationship at all, I'm angry but more sad that I really lost my best friend. I understand that it's generic to be doing everything with your significant other but the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years... spent with you was amazing and I would never want to throw that experience away. This has been a lesson to me to take home and to continue developing into a even better person. I'm still sorry for what I have done but I also hope that you can forgive me. If we had spoken about it in person and tried to solve it... we could had still been together. But I guess what is meant to be was meant to be. I love you, and I hope that you are well. Hopefully someday the both of us can find true happiness if not in each other then in somebody else or with ourselves.

It really hurts seeing you be friendly with other guys. I know, you're not my gf anymore but my heart still aches. No matter how hard I try to look away, I always end up finding you in my way. Amongst the crowd of people, you still continue to stick out. I was angry and frustrated at the things you did and what I saw. Were you intentionally making me jealous or something?! I know the scale is different to what I did and what I saw but to cling onto a complete stranger? Tell me that I wouldn't be hurt by that.

When I received that text from you that day. My heart froze. I was filled with so many emotions. Shocked, thrilled, anxious, terrified.. Your apologies didn't feel like apologies. Even when you apologised you still backed yourself up and told me other reasons why you hated me and why you happened to be like this. I get it. I know I have done wrong. You make me feel worse than I already am and I am honestly trying my best to even forgive myself. It may seem to you that I am trying to move on by talking to other girls but do you really have to tell or remind me that you don't want your position to be taken away from you? And seriously, adding in that it was a 'failed relationship'? I'm sorry that I poured my heart out for you and withstood all the hardship. Like for it to occur and be acknowledged now, yet still backing yourself up does not make me feel any better. Frankly it seems like this whole 'apology' you call, is for your own closure and benefit. You didn't even ask how I was. You didn't question how my family was. You didn't show any sign of care in the world for me. You only gave me the empathy after I told you how I had felt. If you did emphasised with me then why did it have to be prompted before it was given? I've been confused, hurt and frustrated with my emotions for you. I really did hurt you, but you hurt me just the same amount. Or even more. You told me you loved me, but why did it feel like I had to plead for that love..

After reading that text, I broke and was full of self hatred. That night, the promise was broken. I guess it's not your concern since you aren't with me, but thinking back - the comment you made about not wanting to be with me because I was mentally unstable was correct. What really hurts was that you loved and cared about me, but you still with no remorse was indefinite about breaking up with me. I think back on those moments in time where I had reached my limit and you had experienced me literally on my knees on the floor breaking - only then you came to forgive me.

You do know that I'm not really happy right? Even if you see that external image that I put in front of everyone, deep down I'm still sad. I'm still unable to decide between whether I should be a bigger person and accept that things are what they are and move on - or that I should ignore and avoid you because I really can't be in the same room as you. Don't get me wrong, I am more than capable enough to be in the same room but I'll probably be extremely anxious, confused mentally and sad afterwards. I'm sorry that I am like this, I don't even know if I should be apologizing but I guess for some people it's easy to just move on and forget everything. Not saying that it is easy but people make it seem easy and because of what I went through only makes sense that I should move on - but I can't. I can't move on because.. I miss it. I miss us. I really, really missed what we had. It was truly something special that we had. Something that made us unique to other couples. A story to tell every other person of how we met and how long we had known each other. Our story is basically a fairy tale and it was amazing to have. I just can't believe that that fairy tale is no longer a thing and it feels like we're just strangers now. I'm star struck by the journey that the both of us took from being close friends and having same interest and love for music, to becoming couples, and now total strangers who hate each other... I wish, you knew. How I truly feel. About my feelings during post-breakup. I wish you also knew how much I really tried. Not saying that you didn't but, I was head over heels for you. I know that I had my moments and I wish I had been better but it hurts to revisit those memories only to see that you were not too empathetic for me and always I would apologise for feeling the way I felt.

I JUST MISS YOU OKAY? I MISS THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU UPDATE ME ABOUT HOW YOUR DAY WAS. I MISS YOU TELLING ME HOW ANNOYING YOUR BROTHER WAS. I MISS UPDATES ABOUT YOU IN UNI. I MISS YOUR ACHIEVAMENTS UPDATES AND HOW MUCH YOU ARE UNDERSTANDING THE CONTENT. I MISS YOU TALKING ABOUT MONASH. I MISS HOW YOU ALWAYS TALK SMACK ABOUT MONASH BUT STILL LOVE IT. I MISS YOU SENDING ME CUTE SELFIES. I MISS YOU SENDING DERP SELFIES. I MISS YOUR SILLY FACES. I MISS HOW COMFORTABLE WE WERE. I MISS HOW YOU WOULD JUST FART. I MISS YOUR ACCENTS. I MISS YOU BEING CUTE. I MISS IT ALL. And, and it fucking sucks that I don't get to experience any of this anymore. I always kept telling myself that I was so fucking lucky to be with you. That I was really going to marry you one day. I thought about our future and I tried my best to change my flaws to be more of a suitable boyfriend. I swear I tried everything in my power and my mindset to make things better. I always thought we had enough trust in each other. But I guess not...

Wow. Um, I don't know what made me do it but I messaged you and yeah, complimented and you replied. I was a little surprised that you did. You didn't bother to continue the conversation. Fair enough. I really should stop trying so hard to hold on... I really wanted you to ask me how I was going.. so that I could tell you what I had been going through, but I made the mistake of making myself sound like I was okay with everything. Then again, I'm not really sure what you have been going through so I shouldn't be so sure and judge. It hurts though. Um, I guess I am slowly getting better. I mean writing it out now means that I'm not completely over it but yeah.. I'm still feeling strange about it. It's still uncomfortable to try to be happy or to feel like I should be treating myself.

[legendsmag]

Track By Track with Selena Sawyer

Legends Exclusive: Selena stopped by to give us a behind the scenes look at each of her songs on her new album; ‘Fallen Angel’

1.’Strangers’ Featuring Naya Parsons:

S: “Strangers is about a relationship that I was in with another woman in the industry, and focuses on the breakdown of that. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put anyone else on the track at first, but then I heard a sample of Naya’s and I fell in love. I reached out to her and she jumped on it. It’s probably one of my favorite tracks to date honestly.’

2. ‘Drive’

S:” This track is probably one of the first optimistic songs that I’ve written. It’s about being in love with someone, not knowing how to tell them, and how the only time you can be really honest about your feelings is when your alone, driving, and its just you and the open road. I’m not from California, and when I first moved here, it was really scary, and even now, it still doesn’t feel like home to me, but with that person, it was starting to.”

3. ‘Strange Love’

S: “ This one for me is about living life in LA as a celebrity. People often feel entitled to know everything about you, citing that because you are a public figure, you don’t have the same right to privacy that everyone else does. Some people think that because they connect with your music and ‘know’ you, they are able to know everything about you. As for us being in the spotlight, a lot of us tend to try to maintain discretion about our relationships while its going on, but at the same time, our music is a way for us to heal and share our experiences with others at the same time.”

4. ‘Gasoline’

S: “Gasoline is about how I deal with the pressures of fame, and the way that the industry exploits us as artists sometimes. I’ve been pretty open about how different I’ve found the music industry from the acting one and in my experience, your very much looked at as not human,as a product within it.”

5. ‘No Love’

S: ‘I know a lot of people thought that this song was about a failed relationship or whatever, but really its about the lack of real friendships in LA. When your surrounded by all these people, but everyone is exactly the same. They care about the same things, and every week, they’ll have new best friends and stab each other in the back and act fake to each other. It’s just disturbing to watch. These people aren’t your friends, they aren’t friends at all. They care about themselves and that’s it. They’re willing to literally do anything, take credit for other people, and they just act like they’re the sweetest person on the planet, and they’re just not. Basically its about how everyone has everyone else fooled.”

6. ‘Sorry’

S: “A lot of my songs are about mutual mistakes that have caused my relationships to fail, or how things that others have done have led to that, but this one is me taking responsibility, because of my insecurities. I’ve pushed people away because of that, and some of those insecurities stem from my father leaving my mother when I was a kid, and how it impacted me to feel like im not worthy, not good enough for someone to love, and so I push them away. When I wrote it, I was thinking about all of the people that I probably could’ve had really cool relationships with but it was easier for me to write them off and think, ‘Oh they must say that to everybody’ and, ‘Oh they don’t really love me.’,and how im sorry that because of my own insecurities, I couldn’t accept it as real.

7. ‘.100 Letters’

S: “ 100 Letters is about two people who are trying to work out their failing relationship, even if it is toxic. It’s about those on and off relationships that we all go through, about wanting to end it, but not being able to, and in a way you don’t want to. “

8.’Castle’

S:”Castle was probably the song I had the most fun writing. Every girl is a Queen, but even in your own castle, there’s rules, and you can’t always be your most authentic self. We are all still bound by our restraints, invisible as they may be, and anointing ourselves sometimes puts us into more constraints, but at the same time, we all strive to be recognized as Queens, if that makes sense.”

9.’Love Myself

S:” Its no secret that relationships provide me with a lot of song material. I think that sometimes we seek love and validation from others, but we still feel a void that isn’t getting fulfilled, and this is because of a lack of self love.Loving yourself all the time isn’t easy, and its made harder by being in the public life under constant scrutiny, but without that you cant truly love others in the way they deserve to be loved’

10 ‘Now Or Never’

S:”It can be really hard to maintain a relationship in this industry. It’s a theme that I felt was really present for me while I was writing ‘Fallen Angel’, and this song just came out one day when I was in my feels thinking about a guy.”

11. ‘Fuck Feelings’

S: “Fuck Feelings is exactly what it sounds like. Its about hating having feelings for somebody who doesn’t have those same feelings for you, and how it complicates your life. Sometimes our heads tell us one thing but we are still drawn to certain people over and over again.”

12. ‘Angel On Fire’

S: “It’s about how life has changed from being an actress, to starting my music career and now dropping my second album, and my fear that people don’t care about me as a person so much anymore, rather im cared about as a public figure. In many ways, my life often causes me to be the center of attention, however its also served to isolate me and make me feel that people just want something from me.”

13.’Heaven In Hiding’

S: “ This song is about two people who like each other  but have to keep it a secret. It’s that cute ‘eyes met from across the room’ kinda feeling to it, and it is one of my favorite tracks on this album. I think it gives listeners a bit of a nostalgic feeling, and for me, it reminds me of that one that you thought might have been worth committing for, but no one ever really took that step.’

14.‘ Just Friends’

S: “i wrote this song before I dropped my first album, but I was really unsure if I wanted to release it at that point, or ever. I was having a friends with benefits arrangement, and I was filming and we got into a stupid fight and stopped talking. After a while, I texted him while i was away and we reconnected the day before i had this session. He always told me not to like him because he just wanted to be friends, even when he knew i already did,even though I denied it. He said that he liked being my friend, and was happy that we could do stuff without getting attached, and i still stuck around for some reason,even though I knew that I was just going to be hurting myself. This song is about him, and though i’m grateful for the inspiration, painful as it was… “

15. ‘Walls Could Talk’

S: ‘ This is a continuation from ‘Just Friends’. The situation goes back in forth from pain, to passion to fighting, and just being in that cycle. Its that kind of craziness,where you know you shouldn’t, but like a moth to a flame, you’re just inexplicably drawn to each other.”

[rofics]

Healing Brilliance

Fandom: Got7 Pairing:  Jinyoung x Jaebum Genre: Fluff, Angst and Smut Au: Healing magic au, (Slight Tortall verse, but you don’t need to know it) Length: 3.4k

Next Part

Summary:

Jaebum and Jinyoung are both rival healers at the University, but when the time comes for their apprenticeships things are swapped up when Jinyoung get's Jaebum's dream and Jaebum Jinyoung's.

Following the two healers of their years as healers as they slowly grow from rivals to adults to lovers

When Jinyoung first meet Jaebum he wanted to kiss him he was so handsome, an hour after he meet him he wanted to never talk to him again and a day after he wanted to punch him in his stupid handsome face.

They meet each other while they were both studying healing in the capital, Jinyoung from a long family of healers was known for his potential before he even arrive, his family name had long reach and he was expected to walk in the footstep of his ancestors.

He had almost 3 month’s where he could shine, everybody wanted to be in group with him and he was seen as almost a god with his fellow students. Not that he expected anything less, his gift was strong and his mother had forced him to learn healing from before he could even walk.

But as the 3 month mark hit Jinyoung’s peace was up, Jaebum was from a small town in the mountains a nobody who had gotten admitted to the university for his unnaturally strong gift and natural healing ability.

And he was amazing…

Fuck Jaebum…

Jinyoung was a nice person, he really was no matter what everybdoy else said! He had wanted to take Jaebum under his wing to help him find his place at the university just like he had done with both Mark and BamBam before. Both of the students was from different countries, knowing nobody and had struggled with fitting in with their accents. Whole Jaebum were a native to Cathak his accent was thick making him stand out from the snobby university students who had lived their entire life in the capital.

The think was that Jaebum didn’t seem eager for Jinyoung’s friendship like the other two had been, he had just laughed at Jinyoung “I don’t need your royal highness help.”

Jinyoung had just looked confused at him “I’m not from the royal family, while our family is linked I am not seen as a royal.”

He had expected Jaebum to apologize and for them to go on like Jinyoung had expected all the time, but instead Jaebum had grinned at him “then you should stop acting like you are shouldn’t you baby?”

With that Jaebum had left him standing in the hall like an idiot, he had never before had anybody who dared treat him like that! Just to make it worse on their first practical lesson after Jaebum had gotten there he managed to finish his task before Jinyoung.

The older student had a lot more raw energy than Jinyoung had, while yes he did not have Jinyoung’s technic or finesse, but he instead had the energy to just force his way through a healing, not having to worry about his technic and to perserve energy like the rest of them.

Jinyoung felt like Jaebum had personally done it to spite him, especially since he had smacked Jinyoung on the ass as he walked out of the practice room winking at him “that is how you do it baby,”

He wanted to personally kick back Jaebum to what ever mountain he came from, Jinyoung was suppose to be the best! Not the best at just some things, but the best at everything! While yes Jaebum couldn’t beat him in most of the classes that was mainly just technic, anything where he could just force his way through he would over take Jinyoung easily.

And to make it worse he had a decent gift for other stuff than healing, where Jinyoung had little to not gift for things other than healing, his family had almost been selective breeding for generations. Something he luckily wouldn’t be forced to since he wasn’t the odlest son, small miracles.

Mark and BamBam liked Jaebum, which just made Jinyoung angry, he had done his best to look after the two and now they ‘refused to pick a side in this childish side’ and to make it even worse for the next year of their university stay Jaebum insisted on calling him ‘babe’ and ‘flirting’ with him at any chance that he got.

He frustrated Jinyoung, first the flirting was annoying he knew Jaebum didn’t mean it and he was probably just doing it to spite Jinyoung. That was the kind of person Im Jaebum were, a shit head that would try to get under Jinyoung’s skin with flirting.

Both only took another year at the university where they were rival’s before they got put into apprenticeships, and since the world seemed to have decided that it was against Jinyoung Jaebum ended up in an apprenticeship under his oldest brother and Jinyoung under a combat medic something he didn’t want to work with!

At first he thought about complaining to the headmaster, he had wanted to work with kids! He loved kids, it was Jaebum that liked being in the grim of a battle healing arrow wounds and other stuff like that, not Jinyoung! It wasn’t that he was afraid of blood or skemish, it was just… he hated fighting, he hated sitting in the tiny medic tent and having to choose which soldiers he could actually save and which one it was better to just give up on.

He would get frustrated with arrow wound after arrow wound, angry at the headmaster to place him here where somebody like Jaebum with what seemed to be an endless pit of magic would do so much better, it wasn’t fair! It wasn’t right!

It took 6 months before Jinyoung’s master and himself got pulled of the frontline and back to the capital for a few weeks of rest before they would be put back on the front line to help defend against the newly released immortals.

Jinyoung had let go of a lot of the anger while being in the battlefield, or at least he thought he had let go of it, he had just been focused on saving as many people as he could. As soon as his master, his brothers energetic and vibrant wife, had noticed that he like the rest of his family was better with details and technique than just power healing he had been set to mainly heal poisons, something that required a lot of focus and technique. Over the time they had lost a lot of soldiers to spidrens poison fangs, normally they were assumed dead already, healers not having the time to save them, better using their energy on saving people they had a chance with.

But he had gotten good at the poison, hovering his hands over twitching bodies as the poison wrecked their body, slowly leading it through the bloodstream away from organs in out the wounds they were injected into. It didn’t take a lot of magic, but instead a lot of focus, technique and concentration.

As Jinyoung finally managed to step inside his family's house in the city he wanted to yell out a hello, but was interrupted by a toddler running around buttnaked just for the tiny boy to be swept up into the arms of Jaebum who were running after him. Jinyoung was exhausted and did not have the patience to deal with Jaebum “What are you doing here?”

His voice was cold and hard, he was so tired he couldn’t be nice even if he tried to, and Jaebum looked surprised at him “Jinyoung? You are already home, we thought that you guys would stay another few months, awww was real work to hard for you baby?”

What happened next was not something Jinyoung was proud of, but 6 months of hard work, war with immortals and constantly feeling soldiers die around him and him not having the time to save them had weaned him down, with what brain power he had left he had swept his cousin away from Jaebum, and then gathered every part of magic he had in his body and showed it at the other healer.

Now Jinyoung wasn’t an experienced combat magic at all, but he tried his best to form his powers into heat and damage with his mind instead of it’s normal lilac healing stream, it worked as a botched fireball was thrown from Jinyoung’s hand to Jaebum’s body. It was terrible really, more heat than actual fire, but it did it job and that was what was important as Jaebum was forced to the floor and only managed to raise his magic shield in the last second saving him from his future of being a burn victim.

Jinyoung turned away from him not even looking at his fellow apprentice on the floor looking at his cousin in his arms, the young kid looked with a giant grin at Jinyoung “fire!” he giggled.

Jinyoung just nodded, fire indeed and then he left with the child to servant meant to take care of it, before managing to find his own room and collapse in his bed with the intend of sleeping until they were going back on the battlefield.

When he woke up he was greeted with big warm brown eyes looking disapproving down at him “You know when I thought about you acting up I always thought it would be you throwing yourself head first into a spidren yelling at it until you scared it away, not you throwing a fireball, a terrible one if I must say, at your brothers apprentice.”

That made Jinyoung feel bad, even if him and Jaebum was bitter rivals and he was angry at 1him for taking his dream apprenticeship away from him he knew that throwing fireballs at people wasn’t the correct thing to do “are you mad at me?” Jinyoung looked sadly at her, he had never wanted to disappoint her.

His master was a tall woman, dark skin as traditional for Cathaki’s she wasn’t a noble like them, but she had been chosen since her healing gift was strong and powerful much like Jaebum’s “mad? I am more disappointed that you were that terrible at throwing a fire!”

Her laughter was warming and it made Jinyoung’s sleep heavy bad relax a little “He acted like I hadn’t been working hard!”

Her hand was heavy on his shoulder as she squashed it “Ignore him, he is just trying to get under your skin, he wanted your apprenticeship just like you wanted his, yes I know you didn’t want me as your master or this job, but you have done good job Jinyoung. I hope that it means that they are going to send more technique focused healers to the frontline, both coldfangs and spidrens are running wild and we there is no other cure than pulling the poison out, I and many other power focused healers can’t do it. Don’t let anybody take what you have done away from you, yes I healed more bones than you did, but those soldiers you saved from the poison will never forget you.”

Jinyoung nodded “thank you, it means a lot to me that you have this faith in me,” Jinyoung had to admit that seeing Jaebum again, seeing Jaebum having what he wanted had an effect on him, and effect he wasn’t proud of.

His master just patted him on the head “that said you brother want to rip you a new one, so I brought you food and I would recommend sneaking out of here.” yeah… he loved his master.

Jinyoung had a month back at the capital, and everyday he had to look at Jaebum’s stupid face all the time, even if Jinyoung had to admit that it was a pretty stupid face. Jaebum just like Jinyoung had grown up during his apprenticeship, where Jinyoung had melted away the baby fat and soft features that he normally had from living a noble life doing healing Jaebum had matured in his features his hardlines that had been awkward earlier had softened down and matured, stupid handsome face… but still stupid.

After their ‘fight’ Jinyoung had expected Jaebum to be terrible to him or be angyr, but Jaebum acted like nothing had happened he still refused to call Jinyoung by his name instead going with baby even in front of mother who found it adorable, which Jinyoung saw as offensive.

It was first when Jaebum and his brother came to see them off that there seemed to be something wrong with Jaebum, the older male seemed sour and slightly upset. Jinyoung at that moment felt compassion inside him, he felt that maybe it was time for them to stop this fight, but the same time as he felt that compassion and need to bury the hedget the wind carried Jaebum’s word to him even if they weren’t meant for him “why does he get to go? I’m a better healer than him, and it’s not like he cares anyway! He is just going to waste the time.”

Jinyoung’s blood ran cold at that, the need to bury the hadget was replaced with the need to bury Jaebum, how fucking dare he? From that day on he swore to himself, that not only was he going to be the best battlefield healer there were, he was going to make Jaebum eat his words and cower at his feet.

He didn’t say goodbye to Jaebum, he refused to even look at him instead holding his head high as he swung himself up on his horse anger fulling him and he was sure that he almost radiated power as his gift responded to his anger, Jaebum was going to regret this, he was going to regret ever saying that to Jinyoung.

When they arrived at the camp Jinyoung threw himself into healing with a determination he hadn’t had since he was a child deciding to get into the Cathak university without his family's connections. Jinyoung threw himself into every option he had for healing, as the country was slowly recovering from the famine only to deal with the immortals instead, a lot of what the squad Jinyoung and his master was assigned to did was to help farmers who were attacked by spidrens, hurocks and killer unicorns. The worst was spidren, giant spiders with human upper bodies and poison fangs.

They seemed to have taken to Cathak’s warmer climate better than their allied nations like Tortall, and just to make it worse coldfangs had started showing up as well. With no human master to decide what they needed to protect, they seemed to claim small areas as their own disregarding the humans already living there.

Jinyoung threw himself into work, no longer limiting himself to just healing what he was told to, the soldiers from their wounds and poison, going out in the farm community to provide whatever healing they could need no matter how much he was out of powers.

Jinyoung had grown up spoiled and privileged there were no way around it, he hadn’t known the hardships of trying to farm their desert lands, while emperor had cut down on how much the nobles spend on themselves, they were still nobles, but Jinyoung found himself liking the commoners that he worked with, and they took a liking to him when they saw him heal people.

At first he had done it to spite Jaebum, but the more he learned about these different farmers in different places the more he liked them, he had long since swapped out his soft breaches and shirts for more sturdy ones, he learned to ride hours upon hours only stopping for the horse to rest just so they could reach another farmer place with issues.

It wasn’t glamorous work at all, having people throw up on him when he forced poison out of their system, at his first turn he had hated it and even gotten annoyed at the sick soldiers or commoners, now he tried to be kind. Jaebum’s words heavy in his mind, that he didn’t care. Jinyoung would care, he was a goddamn good healer.

As the summer went by Jinyoung thought less and less about the apprenticeship he had left behind and his anger about losing it started to fade, but his anger about Jaebum still burned hot in his blood. He now used it as motivation instead, when he thought he couldn’t do more that he had no more magic to give, he would remember those words and push harder. He fainted more than once pushing too hard, but seeing a farmers wife or a soldiers comrads gather around them happy as the victim woke up.

The hardest part was accepting that not everybody could be saved, it was hard, but sometimes it was too late, or the damage to severe. His first trip out with his master each death had shaken his core and more tears than he would like to admit had been spilled, he no longer let it happen.

He never got used to the death’s, he never would not mourn them, but the no longer chipped away on his will to live, they only fueled his need to be better and stronger.

Children were still his weakness, the worst was three children, they had been playing near a herd they were watching over not knowing that a coldfang had settled close to them, Jinyoung and the company he traveled with was called there, when they arrived the scene was terrible two of the kids had already been torn to pieces and one child a young girl no older than Jinyoung’s nephew was lying on the ground poison wrecking her body.

The farmers had managed to scare the coldfang away, but it was close by and it was to risky for them to go and gather the girl. Plus it was common knowledge that there were no antidote for coldfang poison, only a skilled specialised healer could save her. Jinyoung wanted to throw up at the sight of the dismembered children, but the one little girl still alive needed him.

The healing had been hard, the poison had already wrecked many of her major organs and Jinyoung was breaking a sweat with the concentration. While he managed to save her life she would lead her life as a cripple, Jinyoung would never forget that day. He had been ready to apologise to the farmers, trying hard to hold in the tears at his failure, but instead he had been almost tackled in a hug from the girls parents “thank you thank you my lord.”

He thought it was sarcasm at first, until a soldier a kind man named Jackson“They are just happy to have their daughter back, had you not been here she would be dead like the rest. I know you see it as failure, but they are just happy.”

With those words Jinyoung smiled at the parents, maybe everything was going to be alright.

Months went by, and as summer turned to autume and atummed froze over to winter Jinyoung and his master was called back home. Luckily winter meant that spidrens and coldfangs went into hibernation, and everybody got a break.

As Jinyoung arrived back at the university, not even going home to worried that he might actually kick Jaebum in the face if he knew how to. What waited him at the university was unexpected, meeting up with the master healer he got told that his training time was over and he was given the blood red robe showing him as a high level healer.

Jinyoung almost couldn’t believe it happened, and he was so happy, until it came to the time where the robe was actually given to him and he saw during the cermony that Jaebum was graduating as well and given the blood red robe.

For the three months of winter they didn’t see each other, normally Jinyoung would have spend the time charming girls at court, but he had gain perspective and he spend the three months working on poison antidotes and other stuff for his work.

While yes he had gotten a job offer at the child hospital, but he had turned it down without even telling his family, he had found the real passion in his work with the riders and he had already been approved to working with Jackson’s squad again.

As he turned up early spring to ride out with the riders fade decided to give him the finger… Jaebum was waiting with the riders as well and he smirked at Jinyoung “Hey baby”

This was going to be a long year.

There are going to be three chapters of this, this next then next chapter which is going to be all about Jaebum and Jinyoung rivalry as adults leading up to the climax and then the last with their actual slow growing relationships.

- Prussia

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