#i bring a sort of “you are not your trauma” vibe to my little urban fantasy murder mystery

[witch-from-a-block-of-flats]

"No, my story doesn't have a theme" I say, while unknowingly writing something that is going to be so much theme.

[mattyfm]

new york’s very own matthew oliver was spotted on broadway street in converse . your resemblance to luke hemmings is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being temperamental , but also benevolent . i guess being a gemini explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bubbly laughter, the smell of fresh coffee, & long drives to watch the sunset  .  ( cis male & he/him  )  +  ( monique , 20 , she/her , pst . )

my name is monique i’m both the baddest and saddest bitch you’ll ever meet and i have NEVER written a concise intro in my life, so be prepared for a lot of jumping around, incomplete thoughts, and information you didn’t ask for. without further ado let me introduce you to my angel boy matthew oliver.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬

full name. samuel matthew oliver.

nicknames. sam, sammy, matt, & matty (preferred name and most commonly refereed to as).

age. twenty-four.

date of birth. june 17th.

occupation. actor. (i might give him another job eventually but don’t hold me to that)

sexual / romantic orientation. bisexual & biromantic.

birthplace. asbury park, new jersey.

zodiac. gemini.

spoken languages. english.

𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

samuel mattew oliver was born to two extremely loving parents jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver, arguably one of the most influential celebrity couples known to man, at least that’s what it felt like growing up in the household, everyone was talking about the oliver’s and when they weren’t...well that never happened

as a middle child, preceded by his older brother mason, and succeeded by his younger sister cassandra, naturally he was born with a crave for validation, anything that separated him for his siblings

but naturally in his need to be different he found his closest allies, more so mason than cassie, but eventually she grew on him, and was most certainly not forced upon the dynamic duo of brother by their parents, but believe me he grew to adore her!

childhood was seemingly normal minus the bombarding questions from nosy students who wanted to know what it was like to have celebrity parents or be rich or live in a house with more bedrooms than necessary 

unlike his siblings however matty reveled in the attention way more than he let on, it was nice to be noticed for something, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been hoping to be noticed for

but by no means was he stupid! he wouldn’t allow anyone to take advantage of him and had an unusual talent for knowing when people only wanted to use his friendship as some sort of gain for himself, and extended this talent to his sister cass, because boy oh boy did she need it

their dad who i forgot to mention was a professor at juiliard, his alma matter, caused a constant bouncing back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york

both places felt like home to the trio! they made so many good memories, however matty was extremely preferential to the coast, and to this day maintains a beach boy vibe, swears everything is just better by the beach

going back to his upbringing for a minute high school rolled around for him and mason and he just became even more extremely protective of cassie, he went through things extremely unknown to his family

on the outside he was the model person and student, honor roll, a long glowing list of extracurriculars including sports, even holding down a normal job like everyone else at his high school, and not a single blemish in his criminal record, the squeaky clean olivers remained squeaky cleans

HOWEVER there was some shady stuff going on behind the scenes my guy, nothing too terrible, just the usual teenager with loving parents who raise a troubled teen, not because of any past trauma but a need to feel seen

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW got into a lot of fight but always told them they had to fight after school, he got into drugs, nothing too hardcore, just weed (is that a weed i’m calling the police vibes).....at first.....but that’s a different story so moving on! he of course drank with his buddies at high school parties, honestly just vibing my guys, just straight vibes always

secret!!!!

CAR ACCIDENT TW & ALCOHOL TW & DEATH TW one day he’s vibing, it’s the summer they’re celebrating another school year complete, and by the end of the night nearly black out drunk at this point, he knows he can’t go home so he decides to get a ride home with a buddy he worked with, tell his parents that said buddy took him home after work, they worked on homework and fell asleep. and honestly had he had a little less to drink, he would’ve realized that his friend was just as drunk as he was, but they drove anyways. this lead to a drunken car accident, that ended in the death of a pedestrian. thankfully his friend’s dad was a lawyer, and they covered that shit up immediately.

after this whole ordeal choose an accelerated course of study to pursue his acting career, finally something people would talk about that would be solely his, like not really, but let him have his moment alright, he was desperate 

lowkey feels guilty about being a hypocrite towards cassie because he’s telling her not to do any of the thing 

ADDICTION TW he almost kicked his habit but getting back into acting and the guilt of having blood on his hands, was too much for matty, and he developed a drug / alcohol dependency, which he recognized was extremely harmful! he went to rehab! and has been very vocal about his struggle with addiction ever since

had an on set romance with a costar that crashed and burned, quite publicly, and was just not good for his mental health one bit! def didn’t help with his constantly teetering sobriety but he managed to get through it with the help of his family and his friends

acting wise he’s starred in a bunch of movies but his baby is the netflix show that he’s been working on, i would like to think it’s kind of a sitcom esque show mixed with the same comedic timing of the office, parks n rec, those kinda self-aware humor vibes

ADDICTION TW he plays one of the main character, and his dipped his toes into directing and writing a couple of episodes, the show truly gives me one day at a time vibes, just brings light to mental health, addiction, important issues you don’t normally see portrayed on tv, and he def plays schneider, the bumbling rich boy who does and says what he’s told, struggles with addiction, has a super childish nature, and just a hint of self-awareness but just a hint as a little treat

this is so ooc but i’m realizing he’s quite literally schneider from one day at a time

MENTAL HEALTH TW & ANXIETY TW has receded from that cool kid persona he once held back in what i refer to as his ‘glory days’ and is now extremely vulnerable to everything and everyone, will literally cry if you even look at him the wrong way. struggles with really bad anxiety, among other mental health issues (which is why his netflix show and he advocate so heavily for mental health!) but is quite literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, softness runs in the oliver family ig.

IS LITERALLY SO CHILDISH....where was once extremely mature for his age....he now copes with his trauma by just acting like a toddler, literally mixes chocolate milk IN HIS MOUTH like a heathen, but that still doesn’t stop him from being fiercely protective of cassie, and will fight anyone for her

currently vibing! filming, being his best(?) self, and making trips to the nj coast

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

positive traits. accommodating, adaptable, affable, affectionate, agreeable, altruistic, amiable, attentive, caring, cheerful, communicative, compassionate, considerate, courteous, creative, dependable, easy-going, empathetic, exuberant, friendly, fun-loving, generous, gentle, genuine, gregarious, helpful, honest, humane, humble, joyful, kind, lively, loyal, loving, optimistic, outgoing, passionate, playful, reliable, resilient, romantic, sincere, sociable, tender, trustworthy, thoughtful, understanding, and warm-hearted.

negative traits. anxious, amenable, avoidant, awkward, critical, defensive, disorganized, dogmatic, (over)emotional, evasive, foolish, forgetful, forgiving, gullible, headstrong, hopeless, idealistic, impatient, impulsive, irrational, messy, moody, oblivious, (over)protective, sensitive, shy, thoughtless, and weak-willed.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

here’s some basic plot ideas but we can always brainstorm smth! friends, frenemies, enemies, friends to lovers, childhood friends, ex best friend, costars, unrequited crush, bad influence, exes, one night stand, roommates! i have

[neytinintransit]

seoul talk (ed. 1)

Or more like seoul searching, but I guess some good soul talk is a solid first step. To me, Seoul was a city of relationships. And when I say that, I’m not restricting the term to romance (although it definitely makes up a large pice of the pie). There was not a single day where Eric and I hadn’t found ourselves surrounded by both new and familiar faces. Part of the reason for our newfound popularity stood in the fact that most of the people I knew in Asia just happened to be in Seoul. But what made the experience special was that everyone would always bring one or two of their own friends to tag along, and naturally, that helped our humble little two-man team evolve into a squad (underwater squaw wus good). Everyday, we formed new relationships and strengthened existing ones. 

Being in Seoul really helped me appreciate all of the friends I found myself lucky enough to be surrounded by. After traveling for a while, the concept of homesickness doesn’t feel as foreign as it should, and you begin to long for some sort of anchor that can root you in stability. I think most people have this problem, but I never felt that in Seoul. I think that I can always find myself missing some parts of the warmth and friendship that I found there.

Staying true to the theme of this post, Eric and I immediately made our way over to meet with Michelle minutes after we got to our Airbnb. Originally, we had planned to get some Korean fried chicken with her in Hongdae, but this little devil kept escalating things. Eric and I were experiencing some serious alcohol trauma (hangovers) from the previous night and had no intention whatsoever of ingesting anymore of that toxic waste. In fact, we literally made a pact before meeting up with Michelle that we were going to take it easy tonight, but it was Michelle’s last night in Seoul and I guess she wanted to rally before the big send-off. We ordered one or two bottles of soju, and after we finished the modest amount of alcohol and the not-so-modest amount of chicken, she convinced us to go to a bar and grab one or two drinks. Something I learned while abroad: never trust those friends that take you to the bar for “one or two” drinks.

We ended up at this bar called Thursday Party, which was the typical go-to pregame spot for most internationals. To be fair, we had some pretty good conversation and catch up. We also dipped our feet in that stranger danger zone and had a couple memorable interactions with some people around us (i.e. some drunk girl who was alone and kept asking for alcohol, beer pong with some Canadians, Michelle’s unwanted wing-manning). From there, everything became a blur. I love poisoning myself, destroying my liver, and making embarrassingly bad decisions.

To be honest, I don’t even remember going to McDonalds. I only know we went because I’ve got hard-photo evidence of this happening. Despite the memory loss and continuation of my never-ending hangover, being around Michelle was especially refreshing, and I think that was one of the best ways I could’ve started my stay at Seoul. It was nice remembering what it felt like to appreciate another human being as much as they appreciated you. It’s been a while since I’ve genuinely had that in my life, and I think it’s an important part of finding a sense of belonging. On an slightly unrelated, light-hearted side-note, Michelle also got us started off on our seven-day bender.

Beyond my conscious knowledge, we woke up with plans to grab bing-su with Michelle. Bing-su is basically Korean shaved snow, and that good-good looked a bit like this:

When we got to the joint, I was greeted by my arch-nemesis Stephanie, Michelle’s younger sister. According to Michelle, her sister goes on auto-hate mode for any “new guy” in her life. I don’t think there’s a single time where I haven’t seen her glaring at me. It’s okay though, because deep down, I feel like Steph actually enjoys my company even though she’s take jabs at me every little chance she gets. Because in between each insult, we manage to sneak in a nice little conversation about something going on in our lives. Well, regardless of whether or not she likes me, I think she’s cool and that’s all that matters. Plus we’re facebook friends, so it’s official

After bidding our frowns and farewells to Michelle as her bus drove off into the distance, we made our way over to Gyeongbokgung, the royal palace of South Korea. Stephanie must’ve really wanted company, because she decided to stick around us for the rest of the day. The humidity was brutal, and so were my sweat glands. For the duration of our bus ride, Steph wouldn’t stop pining about how I was basically a fountain and needed some portable fans so I wouldn’t drip everywhere. I don’t blame her.

We actually made plans to meet up with John Suh that day. Apparently, he was on some short vacation from his military vacation and had some time to spare before going back to base, so he joined us on our little expedition. Back when he was at Princeton, we never really spoke much. Even though we went to Beijing together freshman summer, I could only count a handful of memories with him. After spending so much time with him this summer, I could safely say that that’s probably one of my biggest regrets. We actually get along really well, and it’s really nice to have a friend who likes the same style of dance as you (~Cali urban vibes~). On the east coast, there weren’t that many people who were into the styles of dance that I was, so it was a bit isolating in that respect.

John’s the sharp-looking military boy to the right. Oh yeah, about my outfit. There are several vendors around the area that rent out Hanboks (traditional Korean Garb) for about thirty bucks USD. Somehow, Eric talked me into the whole immersive experience, so we hiked over the closest store and got all suited up. Somehow, Eric talked me into doing a lot of crazy things, but thankfully this was one was one of the better decisions that we made. 

Above, we have the King and the Prince. I let Eric take over with the king outfit this time since he’s the one that’s actually Korean- plus it gave me plenty of leeway for those daddy jokes that made the man plenty uncomfortable. Half the time, I couldn’t stop laughing in disbelief at the fact that we actually went out of our way to put these clothes on. As silly as I felt, I’m glad we did it. We had a taste of what it felt like to be old school Korean gangstas, and people treated us like mini celebrities. There were at least three or four occasions where strangers came up to us asking for a photo. The best part was when they came up to me speaking Korean and I had to give them that blank, shameless stare, exposing myself as a poser. About an hour and two ankle blisters later, John’s vacation time was up and Eric and I had to go return our new superhero outfits. We went scavenging for food after our failed attempt to enter the museum of modern art (since it was closed). After a short meal, we dropped Stephanie off at her bus stop and Eric and I headed home to rest and wash up. Waking up hungover and walking all day long in hot, stuffy clothing was a sure-fire way of feeding the burnout.

Oh, I almost forgot. Friday, June 30 was a very special day, because it was Michelle Jeong’s birthday! By the way, this is a different Michelle than the one mentioned above, so to alleviate the confusion, I’ll refer to her as Meesh. Meesh and I were friends way back in high school (fun fact: we actually went to Sadies together). We shared the same nightmarish internship one summer in high school, and hadn’t spoke much until we reunited in London during our junior year of study abroad. She was the closest friend I had while I was in London, and I can’t imagine what the semester would’ve been like without her support. I really wouldn’t want to, growing closer to her in London was easily the best thing that happened to me during those few months. It’s funny to look back into your past and discover all these disjoint narratives that somehow found themselves mingling and me(e)shing together. Meesh’s family moved back to Seoul after both siblings graduated college, so I haven’t seen her back on the west coast in a while.

After Eric and I washed all the humid grime off our bodies and put on some fancy clothes, we headed over to this bar in Itaewon for Meesh’s birthday party. Itaewon is the most international neighborhood of Seoul. If you’re an expat and you can’t speak Korean, Itaewon’s probably the place you’d be living. It’s also a pretty fun place to go out. When we got there, I was surprised to run into John Shin, my best friend’s boyfriend. Unfortunately he was just waiting for us to come so he could say hi, but he had to leave soon after. At the bar, I met a number of Meesh’s close friends from Cornell. Meesh would always tell me so many stories about her friends back at school, so it was really interesting to finally meet them all in person. I was also shocked at how many of them were in Korea at that time. 

A good number of drinks and a happy birthday song later, we walked across the street to this place called Club Made. Originally, Meesh really didn’t want to go clubbing, but her friends sort of coerced her into it. That night as an oddball, because I was the one who had to take care of Eric. After he puked on my arm (which is totally OK because I put him through much more stress throughout the trip), I decided it was about time to head home. We left the club at around 3AM, and after we realized that it was impossible to call a cab at that hour, we decided to go back and stay in the club until 5AM when the subway opened up again.

And so we did it. Eric and I stumbled back into Club Made, stole a handle of Absolut from an abandoned table, met some new friends (who go to NYU and USC!!!), and continued partying until the sunrise. After the club closed, we headed back to the Airbnb. Or at least I thought we were, but my trip back home was a little more complicated. I was half awake when Eric woke me up, but in that situation we definitely round down. Apparently after I stood up, Eric assumed that I followed him out of the train and onto the platform. But I didn’t. In my half-awake, drunken stupor, I sat back down in my seat and fell asleep for a good five to six stops away. I woke up in a panic and realized Eric had texted me the address and key code to get back into the apartment earlier that day. Unfortunately, my battery was at around 2% and I knew that if I wasn’t able to memorize that information before my phone died, I’d probably die along with it. 

Luckily, four years of cramming BS in college did me well, and I was able to get the information down right before it powered off. Cab drivers in Korea don’t really speak English, so I was lucky that I found one that was able to understand whatever the hell I was telling him. After I charged my phone and reunited with a very relieved Eric, I found this gem in my messages: 

I laughed, but he was pissed. 

After a long nap, Eric took me to this little slice of paradise called Hangang Park. In retrospect, strolling along the river was probably one of happiest, most peaceful memories of the entire Asia trip. We purchased some kimbap on the way there and scoped out the area for a nice, shady spot to relax. Summers are especially humid, so naturally the bulk of the crowd congregated underneath a massive bridge that overlooked the river. People had tents and blankets sprawled out along the lawn, and there were a group of people singing and performing for the crowd. They had some of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard in my life. Part of me wishes I went up to them and asked them if they wanted the photo, because they seemed so genuinely happy in that moment. Eric and I sat there for a while, enjoying the music and food while observing a few people perform these crazy tricks on bicycles. 

I also managed to snap a photo that I thought captured a “nice guy” moment for Eric. Basically, there are a number of old Korean women scattered throughout the park that are paid(?) to pass out fliers and sell snacks. They probably don’t have much money and need to work these jobs to make it to the next week, because conditions are grueling. It’s unbelievably humid out, and most people just brush them aside or ignore them. I guess Eric felt bad, because he got up out of nowhere and bought some food that we didn’t even eat. I promise this was one of those actually-candid photos. It’d be kind of fucked up if it wasn’t. 

After we soaked up enough of the peace and zen around us, we decided to go on a little stroll along the river. I don’t know if this sounds pretentious, but the large public pool-fountain construct reminded me a lot of Plaça de Catalunya in Barcelona. The surroundings were just so full of life- splashes, youthful laughter, tiny plodded footsteps could be heard from all directions. I know this is probably a misguided judgement, but I found it difficult to imagine an unhappy childhood growing up somewhere with this in the backyard. I think there’ve been less than a handful of memories where I felt that genuinely content and at awe with the world I live in, and this was one of them.

Unfortunately, our time at Hangang park came to an end. We met up with Eric’s uncle on his dad’s side of the family and a few of his other relatives for ayce (all you can eat) shabu shabu. After meeting his dad’s side and hearing about his mom’s side, I could really see both parts of their personalities in him. It was really interesting to piece the different puzzle pieces together- I wonder what people think about me when they meet my parents. Anyway, we had a long, hearty dinner and I enjoyed spending time with them. Eric seemed really happy to be able to see them, since he grew up with most of them and they moved to Korea about half a year ago.

By the time dinner finished, it was pretty far into the evening. Guess what that means. That’s right. More alcohol. We hurried home to put on a pair of pants, since that’s what we considered “nicer” clothing, and made our way out to our first night in Gangnam. We made plans to meet up with Sally Hahn, one of my friends from Princeton. Meesh was supposed to join in, but she bailed toward the end because she didn’t want to go out two nights in a row. What a party pooper. Well, she’s actually pretty fun to party with, but I’m just bitter because her company would’ve been greatly appreciated.

Having Sally around was still great, though. If I’m ever back in Seoul while she’s there, I’m definitely going to hit her up because she took good care of Eric and me. First, we went to this Korean bar-restaurant thing. I forgot the name for it, but typical Korean bars are food joints that sell alcohol. The alcohol’s relatively cheap, but the gig is that you need to purchase some food in order to purchase the alcohol. That’s where the bars make the money, but I guess it all evens out in the end. Plus that food was mad dank (Erthan Slohng lingo). We went out to this club called Octagon, which is one of the highest rated clubs in the world. It was pretty expensive- I think that night hurt my wallet the most. I guess you get what you pay for, though, because we had a ton of fun. Some guy wearing an Anonymous mask started a cypher, and you best believe I found myself at home there. Actually, who am I kidding. The only time I’m brave enough to freestyle is when I’m well-enough inebriated to the point where there’s no way my freestyle looks any good. Some tragic happenings occurred that night as well, but for the sake of everyone’s reputation, I’ll leave that a mystery for you to never figure out. 

Keeping up with the pattern, we woke up with our lovely splitting headaches and aching bodies. Eric had plans to meet up with his mother’s side, but I had promised Meesh we would spend some more time together before I left for the next destination. And thus, Eric and I temporarily parted ways for the first time (while sober, and with a clear sense of direction). 

Lovely, lovely Meesh brought me to this beautiful man-made river called Cheonggyecheon. Apparently, it used to be a massive sewage dump that polluted the streets with a rotting stench. Sort of like the smell you’d catch a whiff of walking by my college dorm. One of the Presidents realized how much public spaces affected the livelihood of its inhabitants (duh), and spent tons of money reforming it into what it is today. Sometimes, I wish cities in America would make better use of their public spaces. Even in NYC, everything has a bit of a rustic, rundown vibe to it (unless we’re talking big corporate buildings).

Meesh and I actuallly ran into a little Muay Thai tournament that was taking place near Cheonggyecheon. It brought back plenty of memories (and trauma), since Meesh was there when I started taking on Muay Thai seriously and competing in London. I made the mistake of purchasing some spicy pad thai, and found myself sweating a good amount more than I should have a few minutes into our walk. After melting a trail of sadness for a good fifteen minutes, we found a restaurant that served pigs feet. It sounds weird, but I grew up on that stuff and I can promise you that it’s something you definitely don’t want to knock until you try. We ate our fill as we caught each other up on our lives. It’s crazy how much can change in such a short time period. It’s only been a few weeks since, but I bet if I met up with Meesh for another dope, scrumptious pig’s feet feast, I’d have just as many new things to tell her.

Eric was planning on meeting us later in the day, so Meesh took me around some nice spots to kill time. I can’t remember the name of the place (mainly because so much of my brain-space was hellbent on remembering the names of locations near my Airbnb so that if I got lost again, I wouldn’t be scared of getting lost and dying), but there were all these cute little shops and boutiques littered across these stone-brick streets. If Meesh and I were dating, that would have been one of the most ideal date locations, and that’s me talking by LA standards. I thought my hometown was a place that shipped out romantics, but I guess there’s a reason why every other person’s holding hands with someone on the streets. There was this one shopping complex (The one pictured above. Look at Meesh btw, isn’t she adorable.) with shops spiraling up to the top. At the top was this little “love lock” things where couples could go and attach locks with their names written on them to a fence. Y’know, one of those things. It’s actually pictured in my profile photo for the blog if you still don’t know what I’m talking about. And if you’re still confused, go peep my travel album on Facebook (shameless plug).

After Eric arrived, we got some shaved ice and went shopping for souvenirs. Well, more like we walked into a shop that happened to sell souvenirs- we were really there for the AC, because all three of us were literally melting through our pores. I was feeling especially tired toward the end of our time with Meesh, so I mainly stood in the background and let Eric and Meesh interact with each other. I felt so exhausted from the consecutive disasters that happened the two nights before that I couldn’t muster the energy to maintain conversation with these people, even though they were both people very near and dear to my heart.

As usual, we said our goodbyes to Meesh and moved onto our next destination. I thought it would be a crime to call myself a dancer, come to Seoul, and not take dance class. So to prevent myself from committing any crimes against humanity, I dragged Eric to his first dance class at 1Million with me. We went to a random dance class, hoping we would learn some dope choreography, but instead we took Jay Kim’s class (sorry for the hate, but I just couldn’t dig it). I still had a ton of fun dancing, though. Becoming a part of the dance community was one of the most dynamic changes to my senior year at Princeton, but I can easily say that dancing has made me a much happier person at the core. We met some guy (sorry I can’t remember your name!) from Vegas who was also traveling Asia post-grad, and grabbed dinner with him after class. 

When we were released from Jay Kim’s cornyography (get it? corny choreography = cornyography) dance-den, we were lucky and fortunate enough to enter a long, seemingly perpetual spree of torrential downpour. What made the situation even better was that the only person who had an umbrella was Eric. After waiting a good fifteen minutes, we gave up on the world and admitted defeat to the crazies that were doing the rain dance in some basement to ruin our lives. The station was about a ten-minute walk away, but somehow with all the rain, it turned out to be a fifteen-minute sprint away. Even though we all were soaked head to toe, even though I nearly slipped and cracked my head open a few times, even though that day is probably the reason why my shoes smell like shit today, I don’t think I would have chosen to not run in the rain that night even if I had a massive, protective hamster ball that would’ve protected me from any moisture from above. I don’t know if you���ve ever done it, but going out into a blanket of thundering rain with no protection is probably one of the most exhilarating corners of life. Running through it is even better. I guess I still don’t really know what it means to be alive after 22 years in this body, but I felt so incredibly alive that night. 

That long day was unfortunately the preface to a long night. Eric and I had mountains of laundry because we did a great job of overpacking, and we had to do laundry before leaving for Taipei the next day. And so as all bro-y Californian dudes do while they wait for laundry, Eric and I drank a bottle of makgeolli (Korean rice wine) and put on face masks.

The stuff of nightmares, am I right. You’ll also notice that there’s clothes hanging from the curtains in the background. That’s what made that night long. Almost everything that could have possibly gone wrong (and right) happened during our stay in Seoul, and the night before we took off, the owner came up to us with a bag of heavy, soggy, washed clothing and told us that the storm broke the drier. Under pressure, we jerry-rigged a little hang-dry system out of everything we could possibly hang clothes off of and prayed that everything would be dry in the morning. I can’t really remember if the clothes were ok in the morning, but I do remember going to Taipei. Things always sort themselves out somehow. Or you die. But usually you don’t die.

Throughout the entirety of our stay in Seoul, we had flurry of hello’s and goodbye’s to both old and new faces. I’ve always felt that part of growing up is about learning how to develop your relationships with people around you. And now, I think I’m finally beginning to understand the exact weight of those words. Developing these relationships isn’t just a one-track process of fortification. It’s a dynamic process in which we create relationships anew, build them into friendships, and loosen some old ties to make room for the new. Sometimes, the old ties tighten up again, but sometimes they don’t. And that’s totally OK. 

I think that I’ve always understood the last part, subconsciously. But to truly grasp it and accept it is something I need to learn, and something that I am still learning. It’s scary to know that something that was once so special might not be at some point in the future. But it’s also exciting to know that something that might have been a small encounter- be it someone you met at dance, someone you said hi to on a bus, or someone who was your Airbnb host- could develop into an invaluable, lifelong friendship. Of course, it is just as much a possibility that the loosening will never happen- that those relationships and friendships will last your entire life. But consciously knowing that they might not, and accepting that they will not if the situation were to arise– that’s the hard part. I guess this is a long, drawn out of learning that life moves on, and that’s I’ll eventually find some way to be content irregardless of whatever direction it may move in. 

Sorry for the long post, but I guess it just means that I was really living throughout this entire experience, collecting stories here and there to add to my little trove of memories. I always know I have an overall positive experience when I have plenty of stories to tell, even if those experiences are negative ones. Because it’s our narratives and the way we tell them which give our lives life. A few years ago during the summer, JD and I saw a quote scribbled on the back of Vesper Bar in Amsterdam that read: “Summer is the time when you drink triple, see double, and act single.” I’m glad the 22 year-old me was able to learn and apply something I learned in my college years.

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Taipei bound here we come wooowooo aww yea put that street food in my belly unf.