#i bought this game a month ago and have 200+ hours in it already

[m0thkiller]

been back on my space engineers grindset. ive turned the SCS TERN into a series of ships based on my traveller TTRPG setting. I still feel super new at the game even though ive built like a half dozen ships now of all different types. the current lineup is the Isopod utility shuttle(with a mining and repair variant), Gig orbital shuttle (with cargo or personnel variants), the tern cargo ship, the Kingfisher frigate, and my current project, the Eagle modular cruiser. (all of these pics are in various stages of development so the ships may look dif between frames. this is the most up to date lineup

my favorite part is the sort of reiterative process of drawing sketches of ships, then scuplting the hull to get a vibe for how it looks in 3d, and then resketching

even though its not complete, the Eagle is already my favorite because of how it can tactically dismember itself into distinct self sufficient hull sections. This means that in the future when i need new specific functions for a proper big boy ship i can swap out the hull sections for new ones. this feature took a lot of head scratching on how i would manage to make it look flush and in one piece (including airtight corridors between sections) while also not fusing it permanently via merge block.

With this feature in place ive already got a good idea for replacement parts like a carrier section and cargo section

it ofc isnt the only vessel with a fun gimmick involving subgrids, the kingfisher has a mounting gantry on the back for a drop tank like a fighter jet (the orange vessel whos 3d inertial stablizers, initialily installed to allow easier retrieval, turned it into just a small high capacity tanker). this tank is inert while connected and flashes on the second you disconnect, so youre encouraged to flick the nose up and "kick" it off the back of the ship before combat; letting the drop tank figure itself out. so you dont have a huge ungainly bomb dangling between your thrusters.

[ratralsis]

Sorry I still haven't written anything that I promised a couple of weeks ago. I'm still working on the ol' novel, and the thousands of words I spent writing about Tina after her death might count for something. I dunno.

If I can manage to get my sleep schedule back to something resembling its previous normal soon, and get a little further ahead of schedule on my progress on the novel, I'll try to write what I hoped to write earlier for this blog.

Tina used to be pretty demanding that I go to bed before 10 PM. I actually had a decent handle on it for a while. I'm gradually getting my bedtime slightly earlier again now, but after she died, I was definitely up pretty late for a few days because I wasn't looking forward to going to bed without her. Which I realize is absurd, but it's still the truth.

If you missed the earlier posts on the subject, Tina was my cat. She wasn't, like, a human lady I lived with who dragged me to bed every night and slept next to me. She was a small cat who demanded I go to bed every night and then came and went several times throughout the night but almost always was there when I first fell asleep. Now she's not, because she's dead, and I let the vet who came to my house to euthanize her take her away for cremation and to scatter her ashes. I do still have Max, but he has never been good at sleeping next to me at night and, at fourteen years old, I don't think he's likely to learn now. He might, though! He's also never been the only cat in the house before. He and I are both still getting used to that.

I spent the last few months playing Xenoblade Chronicles 3 on my Switch off and on. Much like I did with Pokemon Legends: Arceus, I finished the game and then figured out a way to grind for resources without actually needing to play the game, which inflated my playtime by over 100 hours, but I still put over 200 into the game. That includes all the DLC. I liked the gameplay, though I honestly never really connected with the characters that much. I don't have a specific reason why not. I just didn't like them or care about them nearly as much as I did even in Xenoblade Chronicles 2. But the game itself was fun, and I really did enjoy the postgame Archsage Challenges and learning how to build party compositions that could tackle the hardest challenges. It took me a lot of tries to finish the 140th stage of the Gauntlet on Hard mode, but I did it, and then I did it again, and then I bought everything I wanted from the store where you use the currency you earn in those challenges and I realized I was done playing the game.

Since I did back it all the way back in 2020, I've decided to try playing Eiyuden Chronicle. I started it yesterday. So far, I don't like it much, but I said the same about Xenoblade Chronicles 3 when I first started it, too. But Eiyuden Chronicle has two big things working against it: I hate the way it looks, and it has really bad performance issues on Switch. Neither is a surprise.

I've always, always, always hated the way it looks when 2D sprites are in a 3D environment. That was true from Xenogears back on PS1 up to Octopath Traveler. I just think it looks jarring and bad. The camera moves slightly and the background moves and the character sprites can't and it just looks dumb to me. I can't get past it. I'm not at all looking forward to the HD-2D remake of Dragon Quest III (and possibly the first two games, as well), but I'll probably get it, because I love Dragon Quest III enough to have played nearly every version of it already, even the untranslated Japanese Super Famicom version. My Japanese is probably at the level of a 9-year-old native speaker, but believe me when I tell you that that's good enough to play Dragon Quest III, because I did it.

It's also good enough to tell you that the localization for Eiyuden Chronicle takes some pretty serious liberties in its translation of the Japanese dialogue into English, but I honestly don't mind that part. I think it goes a good job of turning the subtext from the Japanese dialogue that would be understood from context and tone and turns it into text that an English reader can understand, which is the most important thing. Anybody who complains about the localization would be better off spending that energy studying Japanese themselves.

Anyway, I got sidetracked. Point is, I'm still around. I'm feeling better than I was a week ago. I'm still writing, just not here, and I'm holding down my job and doing everything I need to do and playing video games on the side and so on.

[huiyongg]

SSUM Review~

!~Spreading the Ssum~!

 ��Okay, so this would have been wayyy more positive if I had made this any earlier. But I encountered many bugs today and felt like making this post. I also felt very dissatisfied with some features while playing. Especially since I’m a big fan of Cheritz and have been waiting for the game since the very first SSUM Opening was revealed around 4-5 years ago I’d say. 

 First, off the bugs, my most significant bug has not been fixed EVEN with the new bug fix update v1.0.2 is me not being able to enter a chat, and it is stuck in wake time. This morning I was able to do the wake-time chat but when it came to breakfast it stated that I had to wait 21 hours, for the breakfast chat. What’s even stranger is in 21 hours it wouldn’t be my next breakfast chat it’s just a random time. I thought it was odd and restarted my game and even logged into another phone but to no avail. It was already lunchtime and the bug still persisted. Because of this, I am missing a full day of chats, I had already emailed support and have not gotten a reply since it normally takes 1-2 days for a reply back but then I’d assume my problem would already be fixed but I wouldn’t know because it’s not fixed yet.

 A few other bugs were not being able to collect my exp/support in planets, which is very frustrating because that’s the whole point of making a post is to get exp and support it would show the icon of exp but I would not be able to collect it. I also would constantly get notifications about chats that I already did or am currently in which was very strange. I would also constantly get “poor network connection” even though my wifi is fine and everything on my phone works fine. 

A few other things that I felt dissatisfied about is the pricing, normally I don’t mind things like mobile games needing money but here it feels over the top, like not being able to change your schedule/daily pattern without paying even though people’s schedules change constantly. Also, the subscription is so pricy, $25 dollars a month for just a few more options, it is so insanely priced because normal subscriptions are $5-15 and those are for big games or tv subscriptions. Paying $25 dollars a month for a mobile game is insane. Having it be a one-time purchase would have been way better and being able to buy some of the features as a stand-alone. For example, the private Teo account is really the only thing I’m interested in, and wish I could just buy that as a standalone without having to pay $25 dollars a month. Also, the other purchases are greatly overpriced as well, for example, the Incubating Aid Bot which basically only incubates the emotions by itself for $90 dollars. More than a full game on the switch or ps5. 

One minor ick I have which may not be applicable to everyone and it's more of a rant is me getting 8 bunnies, 8!! I don’t have any rare colors or anything they are all just relatively the same color bunny and I only have 3 nonbunnies which are by the way all in the Space Herbivore category. So what’s the point of having all these bunnies they don’t do anything in storage and even if I bought the upgrade I would still have extra bunnies, also bunnies are the worst creature as well because it takes the longest and doesn’t give good things. It just kinda really hurts trying to grind up for a new creature box just to see another bunny, though this isn’t really cheritz’s fault as much maybe I just have bad luck, as I am very familiar with gacha games. It's just very strange that the rates are so so skewed when there are lists and lists of creatures to collect.

Also, the fact that most of the other features seem just like something added on like we barely get to interact with Teo, and whenever we do it’s for a very short period of time. I just wish we could talk to him more so I actually feel a connection like with Mystic Messenger. I get that it’s 200 days full of chats but I’d rather have more chats go on during the day and have it be 100 days instead. Because realistically am I gonna be able to play this game for 200 days straight? I feel like it’s less of an otome game and more of just another game with a random guy talking to us every now and then. 

Now let’s go to what I like about the game, I actually think the daily schedule thing is very sweet and nice because it adapts to us instead of us having to adapt to it. I also think most of the planets are quite tasteful and it brings a smile to my face whenever I see someone supporting my post or seeing a heartfelt post from someone else and being able to support them. I also think the creatures are very cute if I just didn’t get all bunnies because seeing other people get really cute ones while I’m stuck with the same ones makes me sad. I also think it’s very impressive how much artwork there is and how many pictures we get, and the music is quite nice as well. The interface is also very adaptable and easy to use. 

To conclude, I think this game had a lot of potentials and I was really really excited about it but the actual end result feels very lackluster. I do believe that Cheritz can improve this game as it’s only 4 days since release.

Sorry for the very long review and or post. Bye Bye~

[tamcitrus]

Home.

pairing: Oikawa x f!reader.

genre: fluff, domestic. (sfw)

warnings: manga spoilers for Oikawa after graduation!

words: 900~.

Tam’s notes: Happy birthday to The my Great King! I can’t even explain how much I love him. I wrote this short little thing last night to celebrate his birthday. Thanks a lot to @dorkyama​ and @sunshinesatori​ for beta-reading this! I was sleepy and tipsy when I wrote this alñskjdñas ♥

You and Oikawa had met many years ago, as soon as he joined the CA San Juan club. You worked at the club as a physical therapist and assisted him on his admittance exams. You also doubled as an English-Spanish translator. Very few people in the club didn't speak English, nor did they speak Japanese, so you'd help with communication if all those people would happen to be together.

Along the years you got closer and closer and finally ended up together. You bought a comfy apartment in a nice neighborhood close to the club. You divided your time in work hours, your private consulting room, and him. He divided his hours in training, the club, and you.

When he told you about him getting the Argentina citizenship, you didn't even blink. Of course he was going to show a 200% commitment with the club because that's who he was. Committed, perseverant, dedicated, passionate. Of course he would go so far as to get the citizenship.

So, when someone in the club let it slip to you that he already got it, you prepared a surprise for him.

"Baby, is everything  good? You never call me from work," he answered his phone and sounded breathless.

"I'm just craving something and you're closer to it. Could you go to get some ice cream from that store we went to last time when you’re done in the club?"

"Craving? Is your period on time?" he laughed.

"Yes, Tooru! Gosh, you’re making me nervous," you giggled.

"Well, choose your words wisely next time, honey," he said and you could hear the smirk on his voice. "Ok, I'll get the ice cream. I have to go, see you at home."

"Bye, babe!"

Now you had an extra 30 minutes for him to come home. You rushed out of your consulting room and ran to buy everything you needed for the special dinner. Three hours and a lot of shopping later, you had a whole dinner with japanese dishes. Sushi, ramen, takoyaki, sake. A bit of everything for sharing between two and, of course, milk bread.

"Baby, I'm home!" he announced. He put your ice cream in the fridge. "I have great news to share with you!"

"Hey babe, welcome back," you smiled from your seat on the table.

"Woah, what's all this?"

"First your news," you said and offered him a glass of wine.

"I'm officially Argentinian," he smiled and showed you his little ID card. It no longer was tagged as foreign.

"Tooooooru, I'm so happy for you, congratulations!" you threw your arms around his neck and he grabbed your waist with one arm to lift you up a bit and walk to the table.

"Your turn now. What's all this?"

"Celebration for you getting the citizenship!" you let him go and showed him his seat. "We've got all kinds of Japanese food, or everything I could think of, and your favorite dessert! I just wanted you to have something that reminded you of your home today," you explained.

"This is my home now, love," he kissed you. "You are."

"I know, I just-" you blushed.

"I'm just messing with you. This is awesome and I love it," he sat on his chair and guided you to sit on his lap.

"You'll make it to the national team now, I'm sure. You'll kick everyone's ass," you kissed his cheek.

"I've got a free day tomorrow. Wanna play a drinking game?"

"You bet. But let's eat first."

"How did you know I got the citizenship today?"

"That's a secret," you stick your tongue out to him. "Now, let's eat!"

You finished your dinner talking about your day. Then, you moved to the couch to share a blanket and watched a movie.

"Did I ever tell you what my favorite alien movie is?" you asked him. He shook his head. "Signs. Have you seen it?"

"I don't think I have."

"Each time we get scared, we drink," you said.

"Let's start then, baby."

By the end of the movie you were already tipsy and snuggling by your boyfriend's side.

"We should go to bed now, babe," he laughed when you refused to let go of his arm, safely locked between your arms and against your chest.

"I really really love you, Tooru~", you babbled and kissed his arm.

"I love you too, y/n-chan," he said, sweetly, and kissed you. "Want me to carry you to bed?"

"Pretty please," you pouted.

He took you bridal style to your shared bed and hugged you from behind, being the big spoon.

"I'm happy you feel this is your home," you whispered. "I'm really happy to meet you and for being your partner."

"You're the best thing that happened to me here," he kissed your neck. "Now sleep."

"Iwaizumi is coming."

"What?"

"Hajime is coming. He's part of your birthday gift," you explained.

"That's awesome."

His birthday was months apart yet but you found a way to make it awesome already.

After a few minutes of silence, he felt your breathing get really soft. You were sleeping. He pulled the covers over your bodies and cuddled with you again.

You, right here between his arms, were his home now.

[girlbossminerva]

Omg!!! Happy birthday!!! I hope you have a good day <3 I’m not good at coming up with questions, so just ramble about anything you’re interested in atm! Tell me about your favorite things idk, but something that makes you happy!

Thank you! uwu

For the last week, i’ve been obsessing over Stardew Valley, cause I just found a mod called SVExpanded. I technically finished the main game a while ago within months of having bought it and was just creating new saves to marry all the ladies and getting achievements, but with this new mod THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO DO, AND MORE CHARACTERS AND MORE MAP AND AND *excited pterodactyl screeches*

I turn a corner in game and i’m just like “WHAT’S THAT? WHO’S THAT NEW CHARACTER? CAN I MARRY HER? IS THAT A NEW FRUIT?” I have 300 hours of game played (it was already 200 and something before downloading the mod) and I swear if it wasn’t cause I’m not on spring break yet it would be 400. I feel like a kid in a candy shop.

Aside from that, there hasn’t been anything else interesting going on with my life

[vorskra]

Vall, this is random as fuck, but. I just finished AC Odyssey for the first time ( I always got 80% through and restarted it ) and I'm so emo now. I still have the dlc to play, but I've spent ~200 hours with Kassandra and the main quest line ending hit hard. did you ever finish the game? what'd you think? what'd you Feel?

sjkcsa omg no i haven’t finished it sadly! i bought the gold editions for origins and odyssey not that long ago to celebrate my new laptop pretty much BUT i can tell you that what i already saw i was already a mess of gigantic proportions and i don’t even think i have to say why... the new assassin’s creed games have made me feel more emotion in a couple of months than the old ones ever did in years 

[canadian-riddler]

I’m a bit curious and confused about your post about streaming and artists. How does streaming stop artists from making a living?

It turned out very long so it’s under a readmore.

Artists don’t make any money off streaming.  People increasingly dislike having to pay the actual cost of entertainment - and I’m not just talking about stuff from major corporations, small- and mid-level stuff too - so they subscribe to a service that allows them to have as much content as they want, whenever they want, in the highest possible quality with little to no hiccups ever.  This is really, really expensive, especially if we’re talking Netflix or Youtube in 4K (or even 8K, in some cases).  But there’s a ceiling to how much someone is willing to pay for a streaming service.  People are okay with paying ten dollars a month, but for that content to be delivered at a price that low someone has to take a hit.  It’s not the company and it’s not the consumer.  It’s the artist.  Spotify pays the artist an average of $0.004 per stream.  To make sure your favourite artist gets a single dollar from your streaming them, you have to listen to their songs 229 times.  To give them a dollar.  Even big artists don’t always make that much there.  Your streams have to be in the millions.  One million streams at $0.004 per?  That’s $4000. 

Now, because streaming is so cheap (to the consumer) and available, people don’t buy albums anymore.  Artists, especially smaller ones, make all their money off album sales and merch sold during tours (which includes albums).  But why would you pay $20 for a CD when you can just go home and listen to all the music they’ve ever made for $10?  Who even owns a CD player anymore, right?  And buying digital is silly; paying $20 for a collection of files you can’t hold or touch or display on your shelf?  So people increasingly don’t do that anymore.  Why bother if an artist is pressured to upload their music to YouTube anyway - which pays a FRACTION of what Spotify does - and which you don’t even need a subscription to use?  

So where is an aspiring artist going to get enough money from to support their art?  People don’t want to pay for it.  They’ll pay $10 a month to stream it and that’s about it.  Anything much higher than that and they turn to piracy.  And here’s the kicker: streaming services don’t really post a profit because they have to keep the subscription price so low.  So NOBODY is winning - except the consumer, who is happy they get an unlimited amount of content for almost nothing.  Spotify has LOST 2 billion dollars since they launched.  Netflix, which started posting a profit three years ago, is billions of dollars in debt.  Disney+ was projected to run at a loss for YEARS before they started making money off it.  All this money comes from, as I understand it, venture capitalists: people who throw money at something because they think it MIGHT turn a profit eventually.  There’s an optimum number the streaming service can charge for it: the magic maximum that the highest amount of people will keep their subscription for for the longest amount of time.  And remember, they are serving massive amounts content for between $10 and $20 a month.  Entire runs of TV shows that would cost you close to $200 if you bought the Blu-Rays at Walmart.  Movies that usually go for $30.  You don’t own it, but it’s so convenient that the majority of people don’t mind that.  Now, in the middle of this super low subscription price, the loss the companies are taking in hopes of one day, perhaps, making some money, and what they USED to get from sales is: the artist.  Companies don’t want to take risks, so now they hire big-name actors for animated roles instead of, you know, going to the trouble of hiring an unknown voice actor.  This has always been a thing, of course, but it has been happening increasingly often over the years and it’s bleeding into other industries.  Honestly, what are Penn & Teller and Ice-T doing in Borderlands 3?  They’re ensuring maximum profit via brand recognition, that’s what.  Some people went to see Moana solely because the Rock was in it.  But him being in it meant that an actual voice actor, who went to school for it and trained for it their whole life, doesn’t get a shot because it would hurt the potential profits.  He is worth more but that unknown person?  They didn’t get a chance to work at something that could have helped their career.  They continue to be worth less.

Now, with the almost impending death of the theatre industry and streaming services being propped up by massive amounts of debt (or Disney money), the ways for an artist to make a living off their art is shrinking.  You can see it right now with DJs: only the top 100 DJs make enough to live off, and they mostly make that money doing tours.  To make a living a lot of DJs have to tour AND produce music nonstop AND have a weekly radio show - free, of course (basically a free set every week).  Obviously a lot of DJs are out of work right now, so some of them had online events that they sold tickets for.  And people criticised them for it.  They told them they were selfish and cruel and unempathetic for putting their show behind a $10 ticket because the world is shit so they should provide their art for free to help their fans take their minds off it.  That they should donate the money and that they don’t need it, despite most of their revenue stream being taken away overnight with no knowledge of when it’s coming back.  That their job isn’t a real job anyway so why should anyone pay for them to do it, it’s not like they’re a doctor or a nurse or something important.  Besides.  Someone’s going to record it and put it on YouTube anyway, so they’ll just wait and stream it from there.  With AdBlock on, of course, because fuck the artist for wanting to make a living from their art.  Who cares what the repercussions of that is.

We already saw it happen with the publishing industry.  People won’t pay for books anymore.  Unless you happen to be the next Stephen King, you’re not going to make money off writing.  People just torrent the .epub and complain when a series ends on a cliffhanger, as though the writer seriously didn’t want to write the next book in the series but couldn’t because the publisher said, ‘Well, based on past sales we just don’t think it will do very well.’  Most novelists either have a day job or they have someone else supporting them until they have enough books out there they can support themselves - and sometimes ‘enough’ means ‘thirty Harlequin romances they had to pump out every six months’.  But books aren’t being propped up by venture capitalists.  They’re just going to keep disappearing and the value of writing will continue to decrease.  You can see it in the video game industry as well.  People seriously ask if a 60 hour game is worth $60.  Cuphead was held up as some great victory achieved by indie artists - even though one of the artists MORTGAGED THEIR HOUSE on the outrageous bet their game would be successful.  And people still shrugged and said, ‘Don’t care, pirating it anyway’.  And that game was what, $20 at launch? 

Streaming services, even if they raise their subscription fees (which they can only do so much, lest they stray too far from that magic number), are probably never going to give more money to the artist.  In fact, when corner-cutting time comes, they’ll take more and say, ‘If you don’t like it, go somewhere else’.  Except there is nowhere else.  And they know it.  It’s similar to how Uber Eats and Skip the Dishes operate.  They take up to 30% commission on all the sales made through them and if you don’t like it, it’s not as simple as just not using the service.  You have to.  Maybe you get lucky and you have some wildly cool concept that everybody wants and you can get what you’re worth for it, but 99% of people aren’t going to get that lucky.  And when your luck runs out, there’ll be someone else standing behind you to do what you did and they’re willing to do it for less.

Art made and provided for people out of passion is not a bad thing.  It’s a great thing.  But when so much of it - harking to the arguments of the greatness of fanfiction vs most other media - is held up as being virtuous and ‘better’ and of inherently more worth because it’s free or valued at a fraction of what it’s worth or people don’t have to do anything for it other than consume it?  That IS a bad thing.  Especially when someone is doing it because they know they can never make a living off of it.  It’s plain SHAMEFUL that something like Patreon has to exist.  And even there people want tons of exclusive content for a dollar a month.

[thismightbeaterribleidea]

FAQ

Hello! So, during a global pandemic and at the beginning of what will probably be a long and severe recession, at the age of 40 and with basically no knowledge of how automobiles work, I’m going to live in a van.

This might be a terrible idea. Hence, I’m calling my blog This Might Be A Terrible Idea.

If you’re reading this, I imagine it’s because you know me, so I’ll skip the introduction. I like a good FAQ, so let’s start there.

FAQ

Where are you going? Short answer: I don’t know!

Long answer: I’ll probably primarily split my time between Colorado/northern New Mexico, Maryland/Pennsylvania, and Florida. I want to stay as low-budget as I can and also avoid crowds during the pandemic. So whenever possible, I’ll opt for free, dispersed sites in national forests, state forests, BLM (which I now read as Black Lives Matter but here it’s the less-important acronym, Bureau of Land Management), state game lands, etc. I’ll pop into a developed campground every now and then to refill the water tanks, empty the portable toilet, and take a shower.

What kind of van do you have? In late June, I bought a 2007 Ford E250 with a high roof. In its first life, it was actually an Embassy Suites hotel shuttle, so when I got it, it had SO MANY SEATS. After it retired from the hotel biz, it went to a guy who owned a brewery and used the van for ski trips. Then he eventually traded it to a friend’s college-aged son in exchange for lawn-mowing work. This young man was actually going to make it into a camper too but didn’t have time, so he sold it to me.

I got the van for a very low price ($2000) because it’s really high mileage — almost 300,000. It also has a few issues: the dashboard, power windows, and radio only work sometimes. The doors are creaky and don’t like to close. There are splatters of paint (?) on the inside of the driver’s door. The air conditioning wasn’t working. And the interior is pretty beat up.

With help from my brother who actually knows about cars, I recharged the air conditioning. A new, functional instrument cluster is on the way. And the type of engine in this van (5.4L V8) supposedly has a reputation for being extremely durable. If I get a couple of good years out of this vehicle, I’ll be happy.

How are you going to afford this? A few years ago, I paid $4200 for an acre of land in the San Luis Valley, a few hours from Denver. I hoped to eventually put a little camper on it and make a very low-budget part-time home. But a few months after I bought the land, the county changed its rules to prohibit living in campers or mobile homes for more than a couple of weeks at a time. So the camper idea went out the window, and in June, I sold that land for $5000. This was my funding to buy the van and associated stuff. I’m going to try to keep the initial total cost of the van (vehicle, repairs, materials for the interior, solar installation) to about $6000.

I’m incredibly fortunate to be in a position where I don’t have to choose between my job and a weird nomadic lifestyle. About a year ago, I went full-time freelance as an editor and writer. So I’m self-employed and I work from home. I don’t even need the internet that much — aside from checking email, file downloads/uploads, and occasional googling for research and editing questions, I can be mostly offline. Also incredibly fortunate: the pandemic hasn’t affected my work, at least not so far.

I’ll have new and unexpected expenses: food will be more expensive, I’ll have to pay for campgrounds sometimes, the van will need gas and repairs and oil and new tires, and then I’ll want to make livability improvements (like insulation). But I hope that I’ll be able to cover all of that while still living within my means.

Aren’t you selling your condo? Why don’t you get a newer/lower mileage/already converted van? Yes, I am (fingers crossed that the sale goes through) selling my condo in Denver. But I also have no savings, no retirement fund, no emergency fund. And the recession is just getting started… the whole future seems pretty uncertain. I’d feel better if I kept as much of the condo money in the bank as possible, even if that means having a crappier van.

Don’t you worry about safety? Absolutely. I’m a worrying person. I worry a lot! But if I responded to those worries by not going anywhere alone, staying in only developed campgrounds, etc., then I’d have missed out on some of the best experiences in my life, and I’d never go much of anywhere at all.

To stay safe in a van, I’ll use the same approach I use for solo car camping. If a place feels sketchy, I go somewhere else. To avoid trouble from bears, I try not to get food on the ground, do food prep and brush teeth away from the vehicle, and keep the car doors locked when I’m away and at night. To avoid trouble from bros, I try to stay out of sight. I pick spots and set up my campsite so that people passing by mostly just see the vehicle and not me or my single chair or small tent. I have bear spray, which stays in arm’s reach when I’m out hiking and at night, and I have a sharp knife, which is always pretty accessible too.

In fact, safety is why I chose a van over a truck with a camper, which actually would have been preferable. If a truck ever had recurring or expensive mechanical problems, I could just get a new truck and put the camper on it — but with a van, I’ll either have to do the expensive repairs or get a new van and re-do the whole interior. And if I wanted to stay in one place for a while, I could take the camper off and just drive the truck around, saving on gas and wear and tear. But with a truck camper, if I were ever inside the camper and felt unsafe, I’d have to *go outside* and then get into the truck cab in order to leave. With a van, if things start feeling sketchy, I can just hop in the driver’s seat and go.

(Side note: It’s upsetting and frustrating to me that these safety concerns and choices are so linked to gender. Of course men also need to think about safety when they’re out camping alone, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had to think about it at least 200% as much as my equivalent 40-year-old non-threatening-looking out-of-shape single dude.)

If we’re talking about safety from non-sentient threats — bad weather, injuries, mechanical breakdowns, etc. — then I…

a) try not to get into situations that I can’t get out of — whether it’s a too-rugged road, a too-steep trail, or a spot that is likely to turn into a mud pit if it rains. I also think about whether I could walk to get help if I needed to. b) have some basic safety and first aid stuff. Tape, gauze, and a mylar blanket for me; jumper cables and a portable air compressor for the car. c) have a Triple A membership in case I need a tow.

The van came with a handy fire extinguisher strapped to the driver’s seat. To reduce the possibility of being unable to call for help if I get stuck somewhere, I eventually plan to get a cell phone signal booster.

The fire extinguisher or even my bear spray won’t keep me safe from COVID-19. But like I mentioned, I’m trying to stay as far away from crowds as possible. To cut down on contact when resupplying, I’ve got storage for 10 gallons of water (I’m actually going to expand this to 15) and plan to carry enough food for a month. Unless there’s a mechanical problem or breakdown (definitely my biggest concern), I should be able to drive coast to coast while remaining in a relatively firm bubble. The riskiest thing I’ll *have* to do is refuel at gas pumps, but I can pick gas stations that seem less crowded, refuel in smaller towns rather than busy highway rest areas, and go at quieter times of day.

Does your van have air conditioning? Nope! Well, it has the standard vehicle AC, but that only works while the van is running, and most of the time I’ll be parked. There are AC units that can go on top of campers and vans, but they use a ton of power: either you have to be plugged in to shore power at a campground, use a gas-powered generator, or have a million solar panels and batteries. I’m going to get a good roof vent and fan installed, plus maybe put some smaller battery-powered fans in the windows, so that will hopefully keep me from getting heatstroke in the summer.

Does it have running water? Nope! Right now, I have a portable foot-pump sink and a self-contained portable toilet. I plan to eventually build a nicer/bigger sink. I’m also going to order a collapsible tub so I can do sponge baths or use a solar shower (a black vinyl bag that heats up in the sun and has a hose attached). Swimming in freshwater lakes will need to become a bigger part of my life. I’ll probably be a little stinky at times, but people should be social distancing anyway, so if anyone can smell me, they’re way too close.

Does it have electricity? It will! I’m planning to have one large solar panel and a lithium battery installed. (For those who are curious, it’s a 315 watt solar panel with a 100 AH battery.) This will power the roof fan, my laptop, my phone, some plug-in lights, and eventually also built-in lights, the cell phone signal booster, and maybe a small fridge or cooler. The solar power system is going to outlast the van and will be easily switchable to my next vehicle.

Wait. “Maybe” a fridge? What are you going to eat? Ummm… I’ll figure it out? I eat like a scavenging raccoon, so I’m not too picky. I bought a bunch of freeze-dried legume-based soup and stew mixes from Harmony House, some high-protein shake mix from Huel, and I plan to stock rice, quinoa, peanut butter, oatmeal, hard cheese, packaged salmon and tuna, and dried fruit. If I’m driving, I’ll probably also keep an eye out for farm stands and grab some produce that will keep unrefrigerated for a few days. During the pandemic, I’ve been using support for local businesses as a way of justifying takeout or delivery once or twice a week, so I’ll probably keep doing that when I pass through developed areas.

Can you poop in your van? Does it smell? Yes to the first! I haven’t, um, tested it out yet. But after road trip in my sedan in May, when I had to go into a scary (no one wearing masks or social distancing) gas station in Colorado Springs, bathroom and hand-washing facilities for the van became a priority. Right now the portable toilet is just sort of hanging out in the open, but I’m going to build a plywood box to contain it. I did pee in it a bunch during my inaugural camping trip, and I’m happy to report that the chemicals I added to the tank made it not smell gross while also not producing an overwhelming chemical smell.

How will you get the internet? Unlimited data plan FTW! I recently figured out that I can use my phone as a mobile hotspot and connect to it with my laptop. It’s not fast, but it’ll do what I need it to. And I should be able to have connectivity even in more remote areas after I get a signal booster.

Won’t you get tired of living in a tiny space? Maybe. I do have some good practice, though. In the last decade, I’ve gone from living in a 700-square-foot condo (Denver) to a 400-ish-square-foot studio apartment (New Jersey; grad school) to my childhood room in my parents’ house (Maryland; post-grad-school student loan debt). Each time, I’ve gotten rid of stuff, even things it’s painful to get rid of: old books, childhood knickknacks, cassette tapes, drawings, horse show ribbons I remember winning, cutlery and glassware I got as housewarming gifts.

I also tend to feel really at home in my car. I’ve napped in my car, drafted novels in my car, had long and meaningful conversations in my car, had existential crises in my car, eaten hundreds of meals in my car. Car = house makes sense to me. And I hope to be staying in places where I have access to big and engaging outdoor spaces.

What will you do after you live in a van for a while? I have no idea. There are definitely things that I want to do — write fiction, build my career, be more involved with community/communities, get healthier, be a better human — but all of those things are geographically nonspecific. And everything both personally and nationally feels so up in the air. I could end up living in a van for a year, or five, or ten. I might eventually buy a house or a boat or a farm, or settle down somewhere (I don’t know where) in a more permanent way. But I’m not making plans for any of that, and I’m not making plans for an “after.”

I think that’s it for the FAQ! If you have any questions, let me know and I will address them in a later LFAQ (Less Frequently Asked Questions).

Also, please bear with me because I don’t really know how Tumblr works. If you want to start reading, start FROM THE BOTTOM.

[girlwiththegreenhat]

2, 23, and 67 for the viddy game asks please!!

2) A game that has influenced you creatively? Writing, drawing, etc.

Arguably most of the games I’ve played had some influence on me creatively. Like, I can’t tell you how much time I’ve spent drawing fanart for video games, and all their styles left some mark on my own. I think some of the biggest credits go to TF2 and BATIM, I really like how TF2 handles it’s characters both visually and… as characters, and I’ve done a lot of art studies based on it’s comic and you can prob see it’s influence on my art if you squint.  And while I didn’t get much visual influence from BATIM directly, the hundreds of hours I spent drawing either direct BATIM fanart or BATIM AU art did me a lot of good the last couple years xD It’s also the game I’ve written the most for, so I probably got the most writing experience from it too.

23) The game that you’ve logged the most hours into?

Speaking purely on what I have real statistics for, Team Fortress 2 recently overtook Borderlands 2 as my most played game. never thought that’d happen

(if you include the Borderlands 2 playtime logged on my brother’s PS4 though, it definitely still wins xD)

If we’re just doing estimates, probably MapleStory - I played that like, every day for years as a kid. I’ve only got 25 hours logged on it in Steam, but if I had a counter for how much I played it in my lifetime, it’d absolutely be in the thousands. I wasted. Soooooooo much time on that game lmfao. And it was time well wasted, mostly. Sometimes I still shudder over the time around 12 or 13 where I spent four straight hours trying to do the Zakum jump quest, and the only reason I stopped was because I had severe eye strain. Couldn’t see anything, it was all violent flashing black and white strips webbed across my vision. My mom had to lead me back to bed because I literally Could Not See. Almost thought I was drugged lmfao. The real kicker was nailing the quest first try the next morning…

67) Do you have a happy gaming-related childhood memory you want to share?

I’m pretty sure I already told the story Several Times about when I found my older brother’s GameBoy with some mario game loaded onto it and it was like one of the best weeks of my childhood, but it’s kinda tricky to think of any other memories. My parents were very strict ‘no video games’ people so aside from a couple free online games and chill stuff like Rollercoaster Tycoon and Zoo Tycoon I didn’t get to play them very often. They bought us a Wii for christmas when I was nine or ten, which was the point when they started to lighten up about them…

One of my fav memories is probably when I was 12, over the summer I decided I wanted to actually level up a character in MapleStory instead of just leveling when my friends wanted to. I made a character, a new class at the time called Aran, and decided I was going to level her up all the way to 200 (the max level at the time). This was before the Big Bang patch of late 2011 that made leveling STUPID easy, so having a high level character was a BIG deal. The first big milestone was having a character that was level 50, because at that level characters unlock Mounts, which were monsters you could ride. Prior to this it had taken me months to get my first character to around level 37, aaand I also fucked up all her stats so as a warrior she had like no strength but a bunch of health, cuz I was like ‘oh dying in fights suck, so if i have a BUNCH of health, i will have enough time to escape!! BRILLIANT LOGIC IN A GAME ABOUT FIGHTING MONSTERS, YES.’ (I distinctly remember finding a fellow warrior and telling them about how much health I had, and tldr their reaction was ‘!? you’re lying that’s illegal’).

BUT ANYWAYS, i set my first goal and ended up hitting it, which was getting my new character to level 50 in a month. There was a party quest I loved doing, I think it had a Real Name but everyone just called it the Ludi PQ. It was based in a town that was basically made of toys and legos, and it had the prettiest background music Ever. It also gave ASSLOADS of EXP for the time, so it was faster than farming monsters for EXP or doing regular quests. I played it more than any other party quest, and cuz it was summer I could literally play nonstop every day, so… I did! And I got my character to level 50 in exactly a month. It felt SO good running around towns on my fancy new mount, which for this class starts as a brown wolf.

(not my character, all my old MS screenshots are on my laptop = u =)

This is more like a long and broad story rather than one memory, oops. Anyway yeah, level 50 in a month, it was a Big Accomplishment back then. From there it was my childhood Mission to get my character to level 200, which I did end up doing three years ago. I hardly had much interest in MS at that point, but I was so close and I had to get to the finish line, if only for the dumb 12 year old who invested her heard and soul into being the STRONKEST ARAN EVAR SO I CAN DEFEAT THE B L A C K  M A G E… … … … … …

i’m sad they made the level cap 250, cuz i didn’t get the cool [GALAXXI HAS REACHED LEVEL 200! CONGRATS!] server-wide announcement when i finally did it, and they don’t do it for level 250 so there’s no point in getting that far 8) (level 200 is still the level cap… IN MY HEART.) i’m also sad you can get to level 50 in like two days now, mere hours if you grind like your life depends on it, but damn it’s fun having the memory of that month when my life was maplestory morning to night, playing the Ludi PQ for hours and bonding with strangers over memes and teamwork, and the EUPHORIC moment when i finally hit level 50 and all that hard work paid off.

... this post got Real Long but I got caught up in The Memories okay? xD thanks for the ask!!

[winning-the-inner-game-of-m-blog]

Winning The Inner Game of Money - Review & Opinions

Living a life under financial crisis is worse than anything. Take me as a not-so-long-ago student, for example: when you are done with your education, the most annoying thing is the loan of your education that you are going to pay for rest of your life! With all these stresses, one can only imagine the dream of living a successful and luxurious life would remain a dream forever. 

This is the bitter reality but not for everyone as there are few examples of the most successful people who in their teenage were at the same point at which you may be today, but they did not quit their dreams: instead, they learned the tricks to bring ultimate extravagance to their life by just controlling their nerves and improving the power of their brains.

The person I am referring here more specifically is John Assaraf who was just a normal teenager when he gave a proper direction to his strengths and now he is happy to teach others about how to put a stop to their suffering and bring financial stability into their lives.

First things first: What Is The Inner Game of Money?

Let me first introduce John Assaraf. He is a researcher in neuroscience and has an extensive experience of 10 years along with hands on modern technology and the developmental psychology. He has the key to trigger the switch of your brain and set it to a higher level in financial aspect.

In order to bring unending abundance to your life, you do not need to work hard! You have to change your beliefs, your emotions, habits and perceptions. Most importantly you need to learn the technique of doing work without any effort. Our brain has a lot of potential and our schools do not focus on what brains are actually designed to do.

At the completion of Winning the Inner Game of Money, you would feel yourself more energetic and more focused towards your financial goals and the study loans would not be a problem for you as your earning capacity will be increased by more than 200%!

Have you seen well educated people struggling for the basics?

I have seen. Yes, a lot of people around the world with proper education and a good family background are now struggling hard to live their lives properly. This is because there mind is made for something different and they are put in the wrong direction. In order to get eventual financial success you should train your mind to do what it is made for and not what it is previously trained to do.

Is it really possible what John Assaraf claims?

This is not an easy task to do and it will take time to accomplish this but what if I say something on this Earth is present that can change your mind in a few months? This looks insane but -from my research - this is true. I am going to share my personal experiences.

My personal story with Winning The Inner Game of Money

With winning the inner game of money, I became able to remove the emotional and psychological hindrances which were not letting me do any kind of productive work.

 I was working like 9 to 5 with zero motivation and was living a below average life. 

This product actually changed my beliefs and released my mental stress, took me to a level where now I am earning 210% of what I used to earn monthly just a year back.

What is included?

The course is a 12 month training program with additional bonuses. I will discuss the bonuses at the end with price. It will take around a year to complete the training of your brain and open the doors of vital success and only then the real worth of this course will be known. Let us see the breakdown of these 12 ultra-successful training programs first.

Level 1: in this level, you will be able to understand the money thingy. In order to earn more money you first need to understand its real importance and how it controls everything in the world. Happiness cannot be bought through money, that is true but on a very logical note have you ever thought of living happily without enough money? Yes, money is definitely important.

 Level 2: With the understandings developed in the level 1, you will be able to increase the positivity about money and you brain will be open towards money attraction.

Level 3: this is the first stage of accomplishment. Here your mind will start to think about the potential actions it could take to increase the money game

 Level 4: In this level, it is taught to unlearn the bad beliefs that were stored in your mind. To learn something new, the most important thing towards it is to unlearn the already learnt wrong things.

 Level 5: At this level, you are unstoppable now. A lot of techniques would be taught on controlling the mind and keeping it towards the positive direction.

 Level 6: this deals with polishing your creativity. Creativity is inside and bringing it out is the real task. Each of us is creative, the only problem is that most of us have depressed it somewhere very deep inside.

Level 7: It is not difficult to think about an idea. The actual thing is to execute the idea. Here you will understand the hindrances that are in your sub-conscious which are not letting you move fast towards the glory

Level 8: After basic brain training, here starts a deeper one. Continuous refinement is required to keep the brain at the right track.

Level 9: this deals with how to remove lazy hours of your life. You need to buckle up and speed up the activities to ensure that you achieve your objective quickly.

Level 10: 6 advanced strategies are taught which have a direct relation to your emotions, thoughts and beliefs.

 Level 11: this deals with increasing the potential. Every person on this earth has a potential. All what is needed is to bring that potential out and this is exactly what this course is designed to do.

Level 12: this will ensure the vital financial success.

Well, this is just a summary of what you will learn. After going through all the levels I believe that my brain has improved itself in these aspects:

·       Retrained for higher achievements

·       Deleted the lethargic aspects and all the negativity inside

·       Started to think I am in the group of people who are winning the game!

·       Now it discards the obstacles automatically

·       Discovered the actual purpose of my life

What about the price?

The price of this multi-millionaire course should be in thousands but the lucky side is that it is just available at a discounted price of $995 with a lot of bonuses which will otherwise cost your $16,182.

Additional bonuses included with Winning The Inner Game of Money:

·       6 months access to Million dollar success training library

·       6 months access to daily coaching from John Assaraf and Mark waldman

·       Bonus training course on how to do more in less time

·       Bonus training course of five pillars to financial success

·       Daily VIP group coaching on making an instant purchase decision

·       Pay the full amount for course and get the art and science of financial success

·       Live interactive training for whole 12 months

[livingasaghost]

alright folks. settle in. this is the story of how i met taylor swift after waiting 10 years. whew.

i don’t honestly know how to start this bc i never thought i’d make this text post. 

so it all started on tuesday night. i was reading and scrolling my phone as one does, and then i get a text from hailee aka @ootwoodsyet aka my twin.

taylornation sent her a dm and both of us FREAKED OUT. we were cautiously optimistic but i think both of us were like OKAY THIS IS IT! THIS IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! EVERYONE STAY CALM IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING! so anyway, obviously hailee is the best person in the universe and replied putting my name in as her plus one and then we just texted each other non-stop for like two hours straight. tn replied to her email and asked for our social media handles, my full name, and our birthdays. we could hardly sleep that night, so when we woke up early the next morning we texted each other still freaking out. finally TN emailed back and was like OKAY YOU TWO ARE ON THE GUEST LIST! HAILEE LITERALLY FACETIMED ME FROM HER CAR AND WE BOTH LOST IT. at that point we immediately started making plans bc the next day thursday was the event in chicago. we had no idea when or where it was happening, but we knew we were going to be there. so we started prepping. i had to cancel on a client photoshoot (oops...but i’m not sorry) and uh hailee may or may not have had food poisoning that morning......so i went to platos closet and bought a new dress (velvet, blue, and PERFECT) and then i packed up a bag bc i was gonna go straight from my parents’ house to louisville on saturday for the rep show (wtf). neither of us slept very well wednesday night, and then AND THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE WEIRDEST BEST DAY OF LIVES.

thursday june 28, 2018 --

i woke up at 7:15 and drove like 8 hours north from nashville to chicago. there was actually a decent amount of traffic that day but at one point i had to take a detour because there was a crash on i65. so on this random detour in southern indiana, a little ways outside of louisville, i was blasting better than revenge and i look to my left and I SAW TAYLORS FACE ON A TRUCK AND I SCREAMED BECAUSE THE REP TOUR BUSES WERE JUST SITTING IN THIS RANDOM LOT

I THOUGHT IT HAD TO BE A SIGN AND UH I GUESS I WAS RIGHT???? i also passed a place called “swifty farms” (what) and of course i drove through taylorsville so um needless to say....it was all meant to be

i eventually made it to chicago at 5:30pm and i picked up hailee from the train station. we flipped bc we literally did this exact same thing less than a month about for the 2nd chicago show and HERE WE WERE AGAIN FOR THE SAME WOMAN soooo we made our way to the first location that TN said to meet at by 7pm. we pulled up at like 6:15 and the parking lot was full but they already had a line of people. after finding a nearby garage to park in, we literally RAN across the way to get in line (it was like 10 minutes and we were so sweaty wow) and then we were in line and we had to go through two different security sections - each one asked for our names and ids. then at the second checkpoint they gave us wristbands based on our ages (i’m over 21) and eventually we went off to give them our phones and bags and stuff. then we were directed onto a greyhound bus and when we got on we legitimately became the most obnoxious people i’ve ever known in my entire life.

when we got on they were playing reputation (duh) and RFI was on so we literally listened through the album one whole time and it was WILD. we didn’t have our phones so we were just freaking out about twitter. we spent the whole time singing along and being totally in awe. the whole bus did 123 LETS GO BITCH during delicate, and thennn during getaway car when she goes SAID GOODBYE IN A GETAWAY CAR the bus MOVED AND WE LEFT TO GO TO THE SECONDARY LOCATION (john mulaney???)

so we drove until new years day came on and then we pulled into this random alley. before we could get up, this CAMERA crew showed up and went to the back of the bus to film us. they told us to be excited so we WERE?? and then we got off and went inside this random venue. hailee and i gripped each other’s hands so hard and then we went down this tunnel with mirrors & screens & then i almost broke down into tears bc it was all so overwhelming. they had so many professional photographers asking to take our photos and then the taylor people were handing out raffle tickets telling us to do stuff. it was like this weird underground area that had these gorgeous industrial bathrooms (with so many toiletries like oil sheets & dry shampoo & tampons & gum & hair ties) and there were arcade games and an led dance floor that lit up with hearts where you stood and there was a skee ball thing where we STOOD ON IT AND GOT OUR PHOTO TAKEN and they had claw machines with merch inside and these HUGE photobooth backdrops (BIG REPUTATION + taylors face + a huge snake) and basically you had to do stuff to get tickets and then you could use the tickets to get free merch! we didnt catch on quick enough though so we didn’t get anything more exciting than a water bottle & a tote (which were still so cool)

so anyway, we did some stuff, got a BIG REPUTATION non-alcoholic drink that was like soda water + blackberry syrup + a lime and it was just okay haha and as we went over to try and get our free merch we heard a THATS TAYLOR SWIFT scream from across the room and basically RAN to see what was happening. and that’s when this wall opened up and uh WE WALKED INTO A CONCERT VENUE AND LOST ALL CHILL

IT WAS SUCH A SMALL VENUE HAILEE AND I WERE IN THE BACK ROW BUT LITERALLY WE SPENT 10 MINUTES HYPERVENTILATING AND SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER!!! there were cameras everywhere, and it was so industrial but there was PIANO + THE SPARKLY GUITAR + THE KOI GUITAR?????? AND HER BLACK GUITAR WITH THE STARS ON THE FRETS!! so we hung out for a while in taylor limbo and felt like we were gonna combust and then AND THEN THE NIGHT KICKED INTO HIGH GEAR AND I SWEAR HAILEE AND I BOTH JUST BLACKED OUT 

THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AND TAYLOR JUST FREAKING WALKED OUT ON STAGE AND I ALMOST BURST INTO TEARS SHE WASN’T REAL BUT SHE WAS RIGHT THERE AND I WANTED TO EXPLODE anyway she wore a green jumpsuit with a huge belt and some cute high heeled booties and uh she was her usual cute self being like HI GUYS WHATS UP there were like 200 people there and i couldn’t get over that!!! this was her smallest show in like 10 years???? AND I WAS THERE??? uh but yeah so she did 6 songs - gorgeous + delicate on guitar, all too well + new years day on piano, and shake it off on guitar. here are some highlights from that set...

the whole crowd did *DING* during gorgeous and 123 LET’S GO BITCH during delicate

taylor said that they were trying to decide if they needed backing vocalists and she decided not to and it turned out they didnt need them because we sung literally ALL the backing parts - like the high pitched “delicate” - we did that

she didnt even finish the last delicate bc we sang it so loud and she just laughed

she was so so SOOOOO comfortable with us like i have never seen her so candid and chill and relaxed?? like she was smiling and giggling and she made mistakes and didn’t even care and it was so CUTE I CANT STAND IT

at the piano she was like “oooh sorry i didnt get to sound check hang on lemme figure this out”

when she sat at the piano she was like “wow my hair’s so long” and how she thought about cutting it for these upcoming florida shows since it’s so hot and then the crowd was like OMG CUT IT or OMG DONT CUT IT and our section was like CUT ITTTT and she looked directly at us and was like mmmmm “you guys dont want it....” and wow i think she looked at me then wowowow

she explained that for all too well it was such an emotional song and she used to hate playing it bc it made her so sad but bc we love it so much now she loves playing it bc it makes her think of us and she was freaking SMILING DURING THIS WHOLE PERFORMANCE!! like the last time i saw her perform it live in my presence was 5 years ago at the red tour in chicago and she was crying but during this time she was LAUGHING AND SMILING

someone sang all to welllllll really terribly and off key and the whole audience fell silent and taylor just looked at that person and laughed and we all lost it

then she talked about writing reputation and how it was so cathartic for her and like she came up with the “there will be no explanation there will just be reputation” rhyme and it was so cool that now she has to stick to it and not give interviews so she was excited to explain to us more about the album

AND THEN she told this story about how 2 new years ago she was celebrating and just like realizing that everyone just wants to kiss someone at midnight but you really need someone to look after you while you’re popping advils the next day 

she played new years day and we were all so emo wow

so then she gets up to get her guitar and we’re all like PLAY THE SPARKLY GUITAR!!!! and she looked so dismayed she was like “guys it’s just a prop it isn’t tuned” and we were so sad we were like TUNE IT!!! and she’s like NO I CANT

so thennnn she’s like “okay so i have one more song” and we were all like “PLAY MORE PLAY MORE” and she said “well, i could play you three more songs ORRRR we could take pictures...” and wow everyone died it was wild 

she played shake it off acoustic and im not okay

then she explained what was gonna happen next and she was like FIRST OF ALL i cant really talk to you since i’m touring i need to save my voice and i’m not supposed to talk and second, we’re doing it in groups of four so make friends bc you’ll get photos in groups of four! 

then as she finished she was like “uh i guess i’ll just go back here? no one really told me what was happening or what to do so...ILL SEE YOU SOON!!!”

as we walked out i saw a girl hugging her friend and crying. relatable. so hailee and i waited for our blue color to be called and went to claim our free merch. after we freshened up, we were waiting and this girl offered us poptarts and we both looked at each other and were like “omg poptarts” soooo then we got at the end of the line for the M&G. we were freaking out and we didn’t know what we’re gonna say and it was so surreal. like, we were gonna meet taylor swift. TAYLOR SWIFT! FUCK

so we’re waiting. and then these staff people come over and ask how many we have in our party (we say 2) and immediately they’re like...i think we have 2 openings over here hang on. so they deliberate, and then we’re being motioned to the FRONT OF THE LINE and we skip like 50 people and OUR HEARTBEATS TOOK OFF! WE WERE NOT ALL THERE! WE EXPLODED! WE WERE SO UNPREPARED TO JUMP THAT LINE BUT WOW WE WERE REALLY OUT THERE GETTING READY TO MEET TAYLOR.

we then were ushered upstairs and they lead us over a little bridge that was above the concert venue. eventually we made it past another security checkpoint and got to this fabric walled hallway where we glimpsed MAMA SWIFT and we almost lost it.

as we approached the very front of the line, TREE PAINE SHOWED UP and was just so sweet and nice and bubbly and we immediately decided to stan her. she was like “wow this is such a beautiful group of people you all look fantastic!” and we were like WOW ITS TREE PAINE and so then THEN ANDREA CAME BACK OUT AND WAS LIKE HELLO WOW YOU ALL LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and i shook her hand and told her it was honor to meet her and she was so so happy

(this whole time dont blame me and delicate was playing in the background)

((at one point tree was trying to figure out what was playing and i was like ITS DELICATE and she was like OH YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT))

sooooooo ummmmmm then security was ushering us around the corner and into this back area and TAYLOR SWIFT WAS RIGHT THERE??????? hailee and i were GRIPPING each others hands and i almost broke down into tears but hailee was like NO YOUR MAKE UP DONT DO IT YET NOT YET HOLD IT TOGETHER

and taylor (that sneaky bitch i love her) saw us together and basically took a photo with the other 2 people in our group and THEN came over to us to do us separately (!!!) ((apparently according to hailee the at&t lady running the thing was like “what is happening” but it’s taylor swift so she can do anything) so she walked over to us and we kept our cool somehow and i was like “WE WAITED 10 YEARS FOR THIS” and she high fived me and was like “WE DID IT!!” and i told her i drove 8 hours from nashville and she was baffled about how far that was. hailee thanked her for making her more courageous and resilient and we thanked her for the pride speech in chicago and she was so excited we went to the rain show. then i thanked her for writing “invisible” and she looked at me like OH WOW IM SHOCKED she was like “wow no one ever talks about that song thank you!” and i told her it made me feel seen and she was just so so kind and warm and did i mention she hugged us? and she’s kinda tall but she felt like our height and she felt like our best friend? ummm yeah so then the at&t people were like PICTURE and we went over and hailee and i both blacked out like we don’t remember what the background looked like??? i assume it’s the same as it always is but we didn’t notice lol um yeah so i remember smiling for the photo and i LEANED MY HEAD AGAINST TAYLORS???!?!? and then as we were finishing i was like IM GOING TO LOUISVILLE ON SATURDAY!!! and she was like “wow im so excited! i cant wait to be back on tour! i always hate the breaks in between!” and then i was like “CAN YOU PLAY SOMETHING FROM SPEAK NOW” and she was like “oh maybe” but she looked so disinterested i was thinking TAYLOR COME ON ITS SPEAK NOW and then i said i love you and she said i love you i think and then we got out and wowowowowowow

tree paine was there again and we were like OMG THAKN YOU CAN WE HUG YOU and she was so sweet like YES OF COURSE!!!! (um @tree-paine you are literally the kindest i would die for you) anyway hailee had a letter for taylor and she asked tree if someone could give it to her and tree was like i’ll put it in my back pocket!! and then we left and we kept thanking people as we walked out and that is the story of the greatest night of my life.

thank you to at&t and to hailee and to @taylornation and of course to @taylorswift wowowow i never thought this would happen to me and it did IT REALLY DID WOW

[smoothshift]

My (Almost) Completely Online Car Buying Experience with Carvana & Honcker via /r/cars

My (Almost) Completely Online Car Buying Experience with Carvana & Honcker

Let me preface this by saying that I am not promoting or advertising for any specific business, I am simply writing this because I figure the community would be interested in how I bought & traded in a car almost completely online. I have a TLDR at the bottom for those who don't want to read my detailed story but you should

​

As the title states, I traded in & bought a new car completely online using Carvana (for trade in) & Honcker (for new lease). For a little background my wife had a 2015 Honda Civic EX-L that we leased and it was coming to an end. It was going to need some tires, brakes, and it had some curb rash so it was going to cost me some money on turn in. My wife also did not want another Honda so I would also have to pay the turn in fees that are normally waived when you stay with a brand. With that in mind I wanted to trade it in to get out of the lease 5 months early and avoid these fees if possible. Getting out of the lease early would also allow me to get the next car my wife wanted, A Jeep Grand Cherokee, toward the end of its model year with the most rebates available. If I had waited for the lease to mature in Feb, I would likely be looking at 2019s which (to my knowledge) is the same as a 2018 but without the rebates & incentives (or very little).

​

I started with Carmax who offered me $12500 for the Civic, which was lower than I expected based on research & the going rates of retail listings for the Civic. I saw a post on /r/cars a while ago about someone trading in their car to Carvana & getting a better price than Carmax so I gave them a shot, as well as a competitor Vroom. Carvana gave me an instant offer of $14200 for the Civic and Vroom never sent me an offer however I did receive an email from some manager at Vroom ~2-3 weeks later offering me $14500 for the Civic because they never got my response to their first offer (which I never got and even though the Vroom offer was higher, I already started the Carvana process & didn't want to risk losing the Carvana deal over $400 with a company that couldn't get me the first offer when promised). I accepted the Carvana offer and the process from there was pretty simple. I sent over the documents requested, I had to get a bank check for $200 because I owed just a little more than the value, and then we set up a pickup time (took 2 weeks because I was outside their core area). On the day of pickup, they looked over the car, everything was as described, we signed the documents, and that was it. No haggling, no waiting for offers, no upsell to try & get me to buy one of their cars.

​

Next was buying the Jeep. In this case, I found online that there is an app called Honcker that is for leasing only. The way it works is you search for the car you want, it shows you the monthly payment based on the terms you select for the lease & if you like the car, you start the process through the app and complete it through the dealer OR they will deliver the car to your house & you sign paperwork on delivery. My wife was between either a more base model or a more optioned model so we got both quotes on Honcker and decided to go to the local Jeep dealer for the test drives & give them a chance to match or come close to the offers (this is why I have almost dealer-free i my title). Once we decided on the more optioned version, the dealer gave us their offer which was over $100 more per month than the Honcker deal for the exact same car (same MSRP). The dealer was a "No Haggle" dealer so their offer was non-negotiable, we didn't make a deal. We then moved forward with the Honcker deal on Wednesday & we picked up the car Saturday. The process was smooth with uploading documents, providing info, etc. with the only hiccup being that there was as error on Honcker's side where the leasing company they were to use for the deal (some credit union) did not do CT leases. They acknowledged that this was an error in their system as I never should have seen that deal but they will do their best to honor the price & they did, it was just an extra $2 per month to do the lease through Chrysler Capital which I was happy with (leasing through the brand is much better than through a 3rd party). Aside from that issue, everything else was easy & the dealer simply handed me the paperwork, no upsells, and I signed it after looking over the car. Had I chosen to have the car delivered, it would have had to wait a week and since the car was located in Long Island (1.5 hours away) I decided to just pick it up.

​

I wrote this review because I have seen a lot of posts here and elsewhere that complain of dealerships; their methods, the back & forth, the deception that occurs in some of them, etc. If I didn't need to test drive the car & was ok to wait the week for delivery, I would have never had to step foot inside of a dealership. I personally have no problems with buying from a dealer, I bought my F150 from a dealer in the DMV area for $2000 below any other dealer in the Northeast and it was a customer order & a very simple buying process. However, I know many people like Carmax & like the experience of a no pressure buying experience. I was skeptical at 1st with these online companies for the car buying but overall, it worked out better than I expected and it was nice getting a great deal on my lease & my trade without having the negotiate, sit around for hours, or fight through the various sales pitches & upsells.

​

I will say in advance that, if push came to shove, I could have gotten a better lease deal if I REALLY committed the time & energy to go to multiple dealers, play them against each other, travel to largest volume dealer I could find, etc. but looking over the numbers, I would not have saved much and I value my time vs at best $10 a month or so. On the trade in I don't think I would have gotten a better offer elsewhere without trading the car to the same dealer I bought from & that would be only for the trade in tax credit. However, since you cannot get this credit with a lease trade in, it was a moot point for me. If you have any questions I would be more than happy to answer them, again I am not advertising nor have I been asked to but I feel this is something that a lot of people say they want & it appears that these solutions are coming to the market & they are working

​

TL;DR - Trade din my car online effortlessly to Carvana who beat the best physical store offer I got. Bought my lease through Honcker for over $100 less per month than my local "No Haggle" dealer for the same car almost effortlessly. No dealers (almost), no haggling, no games, no pressure

[anyu-blue]

🥀

Tevellon(aka Tevie): omg Meek! You have so much in your account!!! Why are you so worried??? 😂😂😂 Why can't you buy the ($800) package for yourself for your birthday, omg? 😂😂😂

Me:

....

$1,755, yeah?

Let's see...

$860- rent

$300- cellphone bill

$300- Power Bill

$56- Water bill

$75- internet bill

$75- cat care bill

$40- collection agency bill (from bumping a car 2 or 3 years ago)

$10- homeowners insurance.

...

Normally I have a $65 bill for student loans too, but luckily they're still furloughed for the moment. So...

That leaves me with $39 left over.

Tevellon: O-oh haha 😅

Me: I CAN'T afford the gift I wanted... Or any of them, really.

Tevellon: But the stimulus-!

Me: I checked to see why mine has been delayed... There's nothing- system can't find me. So it possible I won't be getting it- and look what happened at the capital today. Think the delays are going to stop?

Tevellon: But-

Me: And besides, I've been told I'm losing my hours soon- the co-worker I'm covering for is feeling better. IF I get anything I need to be prepared to save it for bills for the month I'll be scrambling to find something/work.

Tevellon: ... I forgot rent needed to pull... But I get paid this Friday! You can-

Me: No. I appreciate your offer, but you know I have my reasons. Bills. Nothing more.

Tevellon: Meek-

Me: We've been through this. Enough. I'm done talking to you.

~~~~

Tevie has recently (as in at the beginning of December) also decided she's done paying for groceries for everyone (I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to pay for my new diet of vitamins and expensive/better food either. $100 a week adds up) and has been having a ball with her stimulus buying Valentine's day gifts for everyone besides me (I'm too picky, don't like Valentine's day, and have a low key anger when she spends so MUCH money so easily near me that it's put her off I feel)...

W0lf.exe, our younger sister, already has plans to spend any extra she makes/gets on continuing to upgrade her computer.

And they wonder why I bristle all the time when buying shit comes up. Or why I get so nervous when MY funds are low.

Tevie cannot fathom not buying stupid stuffed animals and marked up food and shit Evey God damned week either- which is where all her damn money goes I feel. Gods.. HOW many new Elsa dolls has she gotten in the last month? And TY stuffies? She brought home 4 in the last two days!!! These things are NOT cheap!! And she has DOZENS sitting on boxes in her room- recently bought a 8 cubbie bookshelf shelf to put up JUST for those stuffies she has so many!! She already has one filled to overflowing with books, one with DVDs, and one spilling over with figurines. Her video games are stacked under her tv because she's go no place for them on any other shelf!!

She has $200 in her account right now. Someone who makes over 11/hr (it's more than that but idk how much higher. I THINK she's up to $13/hr but we'll go with $11/hr) and gets at LEAST 3 hours of overtime a week (time and a half) means she gets oooh... 1,602 a month after taxes with those figures?

Her bills and groceries (which I've highballed/added together at the maximum they ever are) come out to $1,105 a month.... Sooo... $297 from regular pay AND the $600 she JUST got.. just.. GONE. SPENT. NOTHING to show for it. (And a reminder that she definitely makes more than I added up here so she's actually spent more than that too.. yeah)

I get it. I do. I've got the problem too of Oo! Has moneys! Buy the things before you'll never be able to again! ... It's why I was even LOOKING at a birthday gift for myself. A high quality long lasting investment at that... But I can settle for something under $10 for myself/as a gift for someone else at the end of the month if I can afford it. I've done it for long enough. Literally every other penny goes to food and bills. That $10 at the end of the month for something extra is designed to help me keep my sanity.. SOMETHING to look forward to. I don't work much due to my struggles, so I don't have much to play with or save.

I'm glad they're happy on some level too because I do get it... And it's their money to do exactly what it is they please with. They spent more than enough time working for it.

But it still PISSES ME OFF that neither of my sisters ACTUALLY pay attention and just spend spend spend all their money away so long as they have enough for bills (which they wait until their last paycheck of the month to have together-- do you KNOW how BAD that is?! Especially if something happens and you can't or don't work as much as I'd needed?!)

...

There's many reasons everyone thinks I'm the eldest. I do carry my stress less gracefully than my siblings, but I also have the knowledge and the haunt of it truly weighing on me. Luckily my sisters don't... Even if it leads to their doom or stress in the end, because they haven't experienced it yet... They're happy now. On top of the world.

I've told them my feelings and why I think what they do is in bad taste, more or less. I've offered my money management AND economical cooking services to both who have complained they never have anything saved up, always are buying expensive food at work, and don't know how to get what they want as well as save (it's possible, believe me!).. Tevie even asked for help once! I told her just to bring me what she wanted help with and I'd break it down for her as best I could.... Well she never did. And now refuses to because I 'need to just focus on [me] and not worry about anybody else.'

Bitch... YOU AND YOUR SPENDING PROBLEMS DO NOT HELP WITH MY STRESS AND ISSUES I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW.

It's whatever.. just on my mind today. Not technically my problem.. but I'm mad that promised help and safety nets are actually non-existent.

We're CLEARLY FINE. Please don't fret. We're fine. We'll always be 'fine' thanks to someone else willing to help when things are dire at the very least...

It's just... If we ALL were as damned careful as I am (I know I HAVE to be because of my issues- issues they don't have).. and heck even willing to share as has been promised (I DO share whatever I can, but at the moment I'm HEAVILY considering retracting my sharing because.. well... Food is expensive.. and now I'm not getting help to pay for it on top of it all.. and don't want to starve because I'm allergic to what my sisters like to whim buy... So...)... We'd be GREAT even..

But they're not. They don't want to be or have personal reasons to be very careful.

So here we are.

...

I don't want to admit this because it looks bad.. but I feel it's important to.

In my stress I've regressed into not using my lights the last few weeks. Tevie talking with me and being so.. ignorant of costs has only made me wish to be MORE careful.

I've got old candles and lighters and stuff, my phone on battery saver for moving around, and two (maybe 3 if I can find the other one) old dollar store push button lights when I'm too tired to deal with fire or waste my phone's battery... Turned down my little basement heater too. I'd turn it off entirely, but I know that would probably kick our forced air heating system up even just a little bit. Also being more careful with my water consumption. Small baths and rinses rather than regular showers, plus being careful when flushing is needed... Just to try and see if I can help our bills be a tiny fraction lower.

This was something I did as a kid and teenager when my mother would yell and scream about the bills. And when her Ex would berate us for leaving a light on in a room for a second while we went to grab something or something. The light thing only stopped when I got yelled at for being in the bathroom in the dark too much which meant people walked in on me a lot. Don't have to worry about that here because I've got my own.

If that stimulus doesn't come through for me either and my hours drop, I feel I'll probably sell my PS4 if I feel I need to. It wasn't something I actually wanted at all- just something Lon wanted me to have- and not a single person has used it since the end of October so... It's not really important at all. I'm tempted to sell my computer because it's worth at least $1,000 (custom build, all new parts from my ex), but I know I'll get kicked in the teeth for that one because I do use it and have such a nice desk for it. So PS4 and VR it is if it comes down to it.

I know how crazy and awful I sound. I do. I know. Especially Because we ARE fine right now... But this is where I'm at again mentally. And I have to deal with it on my own because everyone else gets sick of it and my stubbornly refusing nice things when my funds start to or threaten to dwindle. (I'd rather have $800 in the bank than a new gadget, Tevie 😠 take the hint!!)

I know we're 'fine'. I know Tevie gets mad at me when I start selling things instead of asking her to spend her money on my bills... But... Honestly.. with the trauma I have gone through and can't seem to stop going through, it's my defense. It's what I've got.

Tevie is EXACTLY as guilty as everyone else in our lives for being super DUPER pissed when asked for help. When her livelihood is threatened. So I don't WANT to bother even if I need to.

If someone doesn't want to spend their money on something or someone... They're going to get pissy and maybe, just maybe.. hold it over your damn head. It's why I feel so stuck all the time... Hyper independence and all that...

[aaronlyzerus]

I already said it a few months ago but this has been my favourite year for games since 2011. 

BotW being my favourite game of the year and third favourite Zelda game. It has consumed a good 2-3 months of my ENTIRE YEAR. I have 200+ hours logged in that game and I’m still not done with it.

Hat in Time and Mario Odyssey are both my second and third favourite games. Sonic Mania, Path of Exile got a big story content update, I’ve been playing a lot of that. Metroid is back baybee. Splatoon 2. Resident Evil is back and Mega Man is coming. I bought RE7 but haven’t played it yet. 

Dead Cellls, Blaster Master Zero, the list goes on.

I want to begrudgingly say Fire Emblem Heroes, I’ve played this trap of a game every day since its launch.

[klainelynch]

2017 in review

I always say that I’m going to post a “how my year was” at the end of the year, but I have an awful memory so I never remember what happened in each month. This year, I tried to post about each month as it finished- the good and the bad. Under a cut because of course it got long, and I never seem to post about my real life, so this may be boring if you don’t actually know me.

January

Got a snow day after having students for just one day

Accidentially read a book in one night (Perfect) because of aforementioned snow day/borrowing it electronically from the library/not knowing how many pages there were (not that many since it’s YA)

Got two more snow/ice days because my county has mountains in it and we’re in the South, so we’re not prepared for winter

Saw Hidden Figures and cried about how good humanity can be when we actually allow and encourage all people to be their best (black women!!!! they did that!!!!!!!)

Helped my students navigate our county’s program of going one-to-one with Chromebooks (there were many good things, such as getting my kids to play freerice for extra credit; there were many bad things, such as a quiz getting screwed up because I shuffled the questions but had asked my co-teacher to help me by reading the quiz [as she normally does] to a half dozen students...who all had a different order of questions...).

Went to a conference for new teachers and while a lot of the information was repetitive, there were a few things I got from it (such as 6.5 professional development hours aw yis).

Got to see lots of family I don’t usually see on this weekend!

Started reading The Diary of Anne Frank with my students because this country allowed fascism to be A Thing™ and I’m going to resist however I can.

Got two (!!!!!!) days off at the end of January for sick days (apparently other students in the county? not us but we benefitted!!!!)

February

Finally had an entire 5-day week of school

Then got another two days off for sickness (8th grade was doing our part by asking ENTIRE classes “Hey! Anyone feel sick? Anyone want to go get their temp checked???”)

Went to an open house at a local mosque, and y’all, I live in The South™ but their parking lot filled up a good 15 minutes before the event even started and there was an overflow room and so much support for this community during the Muslim Ban and it just filled my heart with joy

Got a haircut (it was literally down to my butt y’all!!!!) and now it’s right below my shoulders

Had pedal extensions installed in my car because I’m 4′9 and would have literally died if the airbags went off.

March

Got my professional teaching license! I’m no longer an apprentice! I don’t have to have 4 observations a year!!! Only 2! And while I’m REALLY good at playing the observation game (and am MUCH better at this than the testing game), it will be nice to not think about it so much.

My mom came to stay for a few days because it was her and my sister’s spring break.

During that week, I had a LONG 4 day week, which included staying at my school until 7:30 for a town hall meeting/carnival/extravaganza. F U N.

My spring break was purposefully low-key. I rested a lot, read books, caught up on Netflix, shopped at Old Navy, and went to the local art museum for the first time (I’ve only been in this city for 8 years...)

April

I found that I actually enjoy teaching how to write an essay. The 5 paragraph essay, while it has many faults, is a really good place for beginning writers (which 8th graders are) to begin. I had a student tell me that she liked how I made each sentence have a specific purpose because she was able to plug in her evidence and thoughts more easily- this honestly made my whole day.

That being said, I HATE teaching essays when students are absent. Trying to get them caught up and keep everyone else on track is SO MUCH WORK. Especially when the absent students don’t come to me during my plan to make up their work...

For two whole days, my last period class was not allowed to use erasers because some people (two boys, as it turned out) were shredding and throwing them at each other.

I turned 26

The Welcome to Night Vale Live Show FINALLY TRAVELED TO TENNESSEE AND Y’ALL CECIL (REAL CECIL NOT THE CHARACTER) IS FROM KNOXVILLE!!!! The weather singer was super fun (she played Rocky Top and we ate that shit up like biscuits and gravy with no shame whatsoever) and the show itself was just so much fun even though I went alone. It was almost an hour of normal segments with the plot of the glow cloud, but they also brought in Steve Carlsburg and Tamika Flynn (I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied when she walked on stage because I majorly crush on that actress whoops) and watching those actors interact on stage was so much fun.

May

End of the school year is always chaotic and better left forgotten tbh

We took the 8th graders to the local theme park, and it was really good (though my expectations were super low because last year’s trip SUCKED). The weather looked like it might rain, but it was nice all day, the kids were pretty good, and the rides were fun.

There were some really sad community deaths around this time :(

The teacher who normally MCs the 8th grade commencement is now an administrator, so while we still had him open the ceremony, I gave out several of the awards, and I don’t think I did a bad job (two of the other teachers hate public speaking and the last one was new to the team this year, so I was really the only choice).

June

Worked my church’s festival, which is always fun. The crowds are never what they ought to be (due to a combination of rain threats and poor marketing), so a lot of people missed out on some really great food and music.

Great music included a new band- Southern Avenue- that I got to see again later in the year.

I had to miss the third day of the festival because of a friend’s baby shower. I knew a few people (besides the couple), but they left early; luckily, the people throwing it were a lot of fun. We played games (don’t get caught saying “baby”; pin the sperm on the egg; etc) and decorated diapers/onesies/bibs for the baby). The next day, we went to church (IN A MOTHERFUCKING MONSOON) and for Mexican food.

Started my reread of Harry Potter (it had been about 5 years since I’d last read the series). I cried in almost every book, and not always at sad parts. I’ve become very protective of Harry as I’ve gotten older.

My younger brother found an NES, which was the console I grew up with and my parents gave away years ago. They really loved to play on it, so this was a wedding anniversary present for them. The Legend of Zelda is the shit.

July

I finally got a new phone (I’d had mine about 3 years, and it died in May) and I know it’s fun for iphone users to shit on Android users, but I really do love the camera quality on my Samsung.

Rachel came to visit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We drank wine and went to the zoo and got real bbq and the best donuts in the world

Had a Treat Yo Self Day which included:

WAFFLE HOUSE

BITCH!!!! B I T C H

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN GET AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE

DO

YOU

KNOW

COUNTRY HASHBROWNS!!!!!

aka

biscuits and gravy minus the biscuits plus the hashbrowns

I just had regular biscuits and gravy BUT ALLI HAD THE GLORY

I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

McKay’s

I bought Pokemon yellow because I never played/watched it as a kid, and while at my house for the summer, I found the old black & white gameboy an older cousin gave me, so naturally I had to do it.

Pokemon Go

yes still

You know what once I was back in town I went to my favorite library almost every day for an hour or two and read while opening Pokemon Go every few minutes so there

Went with some of my best friends to visit another one of our best friends who lives in the middle of fucking nowhere and had adventures including, but not limited to: getting pizza because we were too weak to change out the gas’s grill, waiting 5ever for food at dinner, and watching the entire Flowers in the Attic series.

August

School started back up, and at the kick-off for all the teachers, I won $500 in a drawing of all the people who hadn’t used a sick day last year!!!!!

And I didn’t even realize that I’d won $200 at the previous school board meeting in the same type drawing!!!!

New class started off with 85 students. It was a DREAM to be able to focus on individuals and not just herd cats.

I actually felt more confident in the classroom with my early units (poetry & our whole class novel).

September

Still felt confident in the classroom!

I got my testing scores back from the previous year (this shit takes 5ever and it’s dumb) and did better in about the only way I could have, so that was good to see.

I had about 10 county people in my classroom (principals, academic coaches, etc) to see a certain style of teaching ELA that the county is working on. It’s basically making sure that teachers keep students engaged in complex text (which is what I do almost every day anyway) and I had been to two of these trainings already, so I knew what sort of lesson worked. Well...they LOVED it!!! The kids were in small groups and did SO GOOD discussing evidence/answering questions (they all got candy afterwards) and I got some good feedback about how I talk to my students. Then that same day the superintendent came in my room (one of several rooms he visited while doing his yearly observation on the principal). That visit was super unannounced, but still fine.

The academic coach got rid of my classroom’s desks and found tables and chairs instead!!!! My classroom is tiny and weird shaped, so this works SO MUCH BETTER.

I help coach volleyball (aka I keep the books) and the girls won district (beating out a team with a redneck grandma in the stands who literally came up to our girls and yelled at them for cheering on their own damn team in the previous game). They didn’t do so well at sectionals, but that’s ok.

October

Holy shit I won another $200 in that drawing!!! And this time my parents let me buy them plane tickets so we could see family over Christmas.

LESLIE ODOM JR CAME TO MY CITY AND HE PERFORMED BEAUTIFUL MUSIC AND I WAS THERE AND I DIED

Got to see a lot of family at my cousin’s ‘wedding party’ (he got married last year in Europe since he met his now wife over there, and wanted to have a family party here). I learned that my uncle and his son dance exactly the same at the same level of alcohol.

November

I should have known something was up when my first 9 weeks went so well. Apparently my county is in the bottom tier for the state, and now everyone is freaking out (never mind that the data to support this was mONTHS LATE AND BASED ON STANDARDIZED TESTS WHICH WERE A CLUSTERFUCK TO BEGIN WITH) so there was a lot of school stress during this time.

Nice things though- got to see friends when their baby was baptized and went home for Thanksgiving, where my dad came into the Catholic Church.

I organized most of the 8th grade field trip for the semester- going to see “A Christmas Carol” put on by my old college’s theatre. I was stressed the entire time because if something went wrong it would be on ME, but it was absolutely wonderful and I cried which honestly surprised me. We went to the local mall for our lunch and it was good to see the kids just relax. It was a great field trip and several people including the principal thanked me for my hard work which felt great after a hard month.

December

School was nothing but survival mode per usual.

Hosted the Christmas party for my friend group at church and it was a lot of fun.

The actual break was fast- we flew to Texas with one of my mom’s sisters and her family to visit their brother and his family. I hadn’t been to Texas since high school, so it was fun to explore and eat good food.

My final count for books was 93 (67 new and 26 reread) (I’m trying to finish an audiobook I’m borrowing from the library but I still have 80 minutes left and literally 4 hours to finish it so we’ll see!!!).

[angelic-guardienne]

It’s 12:30 AM and I’m super tired and still have homework to do and have to get up for school in less than six hours but my brain is whirring entirely too fast. 

A few days ago I made a post about the bros being relatable, and in the tags I said Prompto specifically. 

And me? I’m so angry. I’m so angry. I know I should be forgiving, but I’m so tired of it. I’m so tired.

Read more bc I’m just -- too much. 

TL;DR: Basically I just rant for entirely too long about shitty parenting things, then connect my own experiences to Prompto’s at the veeeery end, followed by “You can’t choose your blood, but you can choose your family” and how both Prompto and I did that.

Reason I said Prompto specifically? Terrible parents. Parents that only care distantly, if at all. Parents that don’t really try.

I suppose it’s a little rude for me to say such things...

I’m just angry. See, for context, my whole life has been between two households cause my parents pretty much hate each other (and whenever I say “hate” they say that they don’t hate each other but that’s beside the point). I spend the week with my mom because she lives closer to my school, and then on weekends I go over to my dad’s.

My mom is golden, more than so. Maybe it’s because we spend so much time together, we’re just that close, she’s pretty much my best friend, she loves me enough for two people, five people. (she’s been a single mom the whole time she’s been raising kids cause my older brother’s father didn’t stick around either, which just makes my mom that much more amazing to me because she raised two kids pretty much by herself)

My dad?

With me, I bottle up things way too much so there’s always that one thing, that super small thing that always breaks the bottle, the last straw that breaks the camel’s back, that’s how I handle like 95% of everything I deal with (unhealthy, yeah, but that’s another thing for another time)

And the bottle bursting always happens whenever I’m in a good point, as in I have a bit of motivation and my grades are good and I’m just generally not as depressed and that bone-deep, soul-deep exhaustion I feel isn’t as harrowing. It’s like the plot of life takes a sudden left turn straight off of a cliff.

The little thing this time was my flute.

Y’all know I play the flute. Y’all know I’m in marching band. 

About two-ish months ago, I took my flute in for repairs, ‘cause it was garbage and didn’t play any notes, and I wanted it for marching band season so I just. Took it in for repairs, that was July? More than two months. whatever, so I got a call saying I could pick it up this week. 

Went over to the shop...

Repairs came out to be $203. Like I said, garbage flute. Buuuut way back when I sent it off originally, my dad was prepared to lay down $200 so that it could be paid for -- as in, there was a pre-payment system so that if the repairs cost $200 or less, they’d already be paid for, but if it was over that amount they’d have to get customer approval before beginning transactions and whatnot.

(Of course it’d be $3 over the line... but anyways)

So I’m like, cool, I’ll just call my dad and he can pay for it and I can pick up the flute, it’ll be great, right? 

Nope. (and here, if this was a verbal story, I’d pop my “p” just because of how simply and quickly he turned me down and how infuriated I am about it)

The basic rundown of what he said was that no, I wasn’t going to get my flute until next week (this week, now) and that I wouldn’t have it by Saturday (a truly important date for me b/c it was my last marching band competition, I wanted to have a playable flute for that ((and I ended up having to use my expensive ass concert flute for that event, anyways))) and that I might not even get it next (this) week because I was low on his priority list.

I probably sound like a brat but -- his daughter? Fucking low on his priority list?

He gave me a hard time when I said I should be at least second on the list, and because I’m a little shit I just took it with a tight smile and an “okay, see you next weekend, love you too, bye.”

And like -- god, he’s been doing this shit for my entire life. I guess it just took until now for me to finally see it. To say the least he’s very poor at keeping his word with me.

(Once my mom said we could go to the movies together to see Spiderman: Homecoming. She promised me we would go. Come the day of, we were running on a bit of a tight schedule due to unforeseen circumstances, and even though I told her that it was alright and we didn’t have to go see the movie, she still took us to see it because she promised. She made time for a basically three hour outing (four, I think, we may have went out to eat) because she promised me that we would go see that movie.) 

((My dad’s never done anything like that. Once, when I was younger, he asked what I wanted, probably something for a birthday or Christmas or whatever, and I said I wanted to spend a day with him, just he and I, so we had one meal together at a restaurant and he took me back home. And me, being myself, I just ate that time up because I didn’t have any other times that I could say were ours, just ours. It’s... kinda sad.))

Every single time he doesn’t keep his word I get all broken up and just completely break down, full out sobs and all that jazz, because? Why? It’s the same thing that keeps happening. 

I’ve been making excuses for him for years, years, my entire life. I’ve been forgiving him over and over.

Because he’s not all bad. He’s really not. (And I don’t mean it sarcastically, at least I don’t think I do, cause I’m not too sure anymore) He buys me the things I want on the appropriate dates, as in holidays and birthdays. He bought me a PS4 with the help of my brother, and he bought me FFXV (also with the help of my brother) and the like. The things I wanted in that moment, if it’s close enough to a holiday, he’ll buy.

It’s the wants, but he never participates in the needs. Never, not once.

You know, when I was younger he would always say no whenever I asked to do something with my friends on the weekends? (There’s one particularly terrible experience that happened when I dared to have an outing with my friends on a Friday without letting him know) Did you know it got to the point where my friends just stopped asking if I wanted to hang out because they knew the answer would be no? 

Do you know how much that hurts?

One of my best friends (we’re estranged now) was having a birthday party for herself, and she was debating on asking me because she knew the answer would be no and she just figured that it would be better if I didn’t know about it in the first place. 

I’ll never forget the look that she gave me, the pure hesitance in her whole being, when she finally told me about the party.

You know I only hear about parties second-hand now? So much time was spent, “Did you go to so-and-so’s party?” 

“I didn’t even know so-and-so was having a party... how was it?”

“Ah... it was fun.”

“That’s good.”

It fucking hurts.

But does my dad care? No. (Sometimes I felt like he was doing that on purpose, just to make it easier on himself in the long run, not having to hassle, trying to cart me around to everyone’s birthday parties.)

But all that was a tangent. 

I don’t think my dad knows where I want to go to college, and I frankly don’t think he cares so long as he doesn’t have to pay anything.

(My reasons for believing that? I told him a while back ((he probably doesn’t remember)) that I was going to apply to both Queens University of Charlotte and Duke University. I want to go to Queens more badly ((which requires more work on my part because I’m basically in a one-income household, so scholarships)). Duke has this financial plan where, if your family makes less than a certain amount of money yearly, the school will cover a certain amount of the tuition. At the current income level and their need-based aid, my mom wouldn’t have to pay anything because my education would be completely covered by the school. Queens has no such plan as that... but it’s my preferred school, for reasons I won’t list at the moment. When I told him these things, he basically told me to “just get into Duke,” because then he won’t have to pay anything.)

Like I said, the big things, he just doesn’t want to be involved in.

He doesn’t help my mom make payments on my car, at all. He doesn’t help with school fees, at all. (I have a fun story about that one) 

When I got my permit to drive, we went driving exactly three times together (once when I first got it, and then twice when I was about to take my test for my license so he could help me parallel park). And after I got it, he called me “driving partner” ...and then hasn’t let me behind the wheel since.

My dad’s never taken off of work to support me. I’m always second place. (As a foil, my mom has taken off of work plenty of times to support me, and then worked extra to make up for it, all for me ((and bills, of course)))

I send my dad a schedule of the football games for this season, basically every time he can come see the marching band perform the show at half-time, and does he come? Not to one game. Not at all. 

I didn’t tell him about competition this weekend because (after much coercing) he’s going to the game next weekend, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get him to do something like this for two weekends in a row.

(And he told me he might not even stay to watch the show, depending on his work hours.)

When he picks me up to drive me to his house on Fridays, he won’t speak to me unless I speak first. He doesn’t ask me how my week was, nothing. The drive is just an hour of fucking silence (because he doesn’t turn the radio on with me in the car), if I don’t talk first.

He once had to pick up some food so he had a lunch for work that evening. So, with me in the car, he stopped by Chick-fil-a. (Note, I hadn’t eaten anything that day, but I hadn’t told him that.) He didn’t ask me if I wanted anything, didn’t ask me if I had eaten, didn’t even look at me. About twenty minutes down the road later, with me having to hold his food in my freaking lap because there was nowhere else to put it, he asks me if I was hungry. And when I say yes, he tells me about the leftovers in the fridge.

He makes me feel like such a nuisance whenever I even think about asking for something outside of the prompted times (again, holidays and birthdays).

I hate it so much. 

And then he feels like he can still think he plays some huge part in my life when he’ll barely speak to me when we do get to see each other. 

It’s like I, as a person, don’t even matter. It’s like all he wants is the final product of a “good daughter,” but not actually put in the work of being a father. (I once got a 96 or so on a test, and was very proud of it, but when I told him, his response was, “Why didn’t you get a 100?” I stopped telling him about my grades after that.)

If my school is doing a fundraiser and I ask him to buy something, no matter how politely I put it, he’ll tell me no. A random ass kid from the neighborhood can come to the door selling bottles of water and he’ll rush to get his wallet.

I just don’t get it. ...is it me?

But anyways... so yeah. My dad, as a parent, does the bare minimum.

To relate this all back to Final Fantasy XV as per this blog, I imagine Prompto’s parents were much the same as my dad.

They were never around. They never actually took care of him like parents should. He came home to an empty house most of the time.

And presumably they sent money, because Prompto ate fast food a lot but surely didn’t have a job, to at least show that they care a little bit.

They don’t want him to die.

So it’s the bare minimum... and Prompto, like me, just takes what he can because there’s so little, and makes excuses for the rest. 

And knowing Prompto (especially with how he reacted to having to kill Verstael), if his parents died in the fall of Insomnia, he would be torn to pieces by it. And he might be asked why, because they were never around in the first place, and Prompto can’t explain it well (neither can I, for that matter) but there’s just something about his parents dying that’s just... killing him, too, even if they weren’t the best parents... they were still his parents. 

When I was having a sobbing fit at the game immediately after the whole flute thing with my father (aka a basic thing of “am I just worthless to him?”), my friend said something to me that really stuck with me. 

“You can’t choose your blood, but you can choose your family.”

And it’s not her own quote (she said as much) but it’s still true.

My dad’s related to me, and I probably love him because of that, because... he’s my dad. How can I not, even when he does make me angry sometimes?

I made my family elsewhere. I have amazing friends that support me, and I have my mom, and I have my section in the marching band and I have you guys, here on Tumblr and everyone I’ve talked to in the past that’s still with me now... I have a family. They may not all be blood, but they’re my family.

Prompto did the same thing with Noctis, Ignis, and Gladio. His parents may have been his “blood,” but he made his own family with the people that really cared about him. He chose his family.

So yeah, I don’t really know how to end this -- this was a little raw with emotion and I know I’m most likely just screaming into the void, but it’s... it’s nice to get some of it out, you know? This probably isn’t cohesive at all.... sigh.

It’s 2:30 AM now. I need sleep.