#i ate a TON cause i needed fuel

[dyke-diana]

.

[maudiemoods]

Questions sddsdd for stardust :D

How old do they usually live to be? Do they even really measure time since space is wacky?

What do they do for fun?

Are there any animals on the planet? Ooh also what does the planet look like/how does it work?

Do sun and moon have more things to wear than just black?

So it seems like they know to avoid the earth, but why? And how did they find out in the first place?

What happens if one eats a lot of them? Like more than eclipse a lot.

....What would happen to a human if for whatever reason they did that?

What are sun and moon trying to do?

I think I found the ask!! Yay!!

1! How old do they usually live to be? I haven't put much thought into it really! I think on their home planet, they'd live to around 100-150ish? They do age I just haven't shown that in any ocs but I have this elder lady I've been thinking about and she's pretty old! I'll have to actually draw her sjndjw

2! What do they do for fun? They create! Their species is very big on arts and crafts!! But that also includes creating and improving tech, making music, designing and a lot more!! They tend to really enjoy puzzles and challenges! They also like to explore and document!

3! Are there any animals on their planet? Yes! I really need to work on what their homeworld is like! I have a basic idea for it but now I'm not sure how I like it! They definitely have pets and livestock though! Most are primarily vegetarian so there isn't much livestock though! They do harvest bugs though!! They really like eating bugs!

4! What does the planet look like? Hmm not sure! Originally their world was covered in mountains and they lived in giant cave systems! They have domes breaching the surface but they typically stay underground! Their planet is huge in intergalactic trade so there'd be big cities with giant landing docks for ships! But I'm kinda more into a solar punk vibe? Super high tech and cool machines but still super naturey and cozy! I'd like to think they have a flourishing ecosystem on their planet!

5! Do sun and moon have more things to wear other than black? Yeah! They have tons of casual wear! Moon has a lot of flashy fashion stuff while sun is a little bit more minimalistic with the exception of a few outfits! They just wear their plain clothes all the time because they're kinda sad and depressed and don't have the energy to put work into dressing y'know? But that changes eventually!

6! Why do they avoid earth? Mostly because there's nothing around earth! There's really no reason to be close other than to observe! Also, earth is monitored so no aliens intervene with earth's development. It's poorly monitored though! Observation devices are pretty outdated and the monitors are hardly ever watched!

7! How did they find the place? They were kinda just drifting aimlessly and found themselves in the area! Their ship can turn plant matter into fuel so they had planned on just taking some dead leaves and getting out of there fast. Ha didn't happen like that

8! What happens if one eats a lot of cores? They blow up!! Kinda! It varies between beings but they get more and more mentally unstable and their body starts to get deformed! Some experience voices that drive them crazy, while some experience many phantom limbs! If they consume too much, the energy of the core becomes too much for them and they implode before exploding! The energy of this death can create wrapped areas of space! And places with high energy that can damage tech and equipment! Overall, it'll usually kill them!

9! What would happen to a human that ate a core? They'd die! Pretty painfully too! Those of warmer colors have very hot cores, so the human would burn and boil from the inside out! Those with cooler colors have freezing cores! So a human would freeze from the inside out! Neutral colored beings have a core temp in-between! Their core would cause a human to have such a terrible heart attack, they would die! They'd get all jittery and basically have a huge panic attack before dropping dead!

10! What are sun and moon trying to do? Hmmmmm I have some ideas but I want to explore them a little before I talk about them :D!!! But mostly, they want normality and comfortability! They want to heal and be happy again!

[midi8]

So today I tried to turn the wheel to start the engine again and it didn’t do. I was hitting with a hammer on a huge wrench I bought in supermarket. Loud and resonant and metal sound. The wheel came off with a bolt. They were not rusty at all. I figured out that all WD40 I was sprinkling last week over this damn wheel most likely didn’t go in. So I put more in there. Plus I took little pipe from the fuel pump and put diesel (again) into the injector holes and in the main part where the old oil is sitting.

Suspicious redneck male came by the dock and said whatcha doing on that boat and then said yeah, somebody died on that boat year ago and left after I said that I’m the new owner. Steve or Bob.

I borrowed vac from Jeff and vacuumed all gunk that super old people produce with their dogs and burning stoves and oil splashes from frying probably fish. Carnivorous senile white people. Fridge is pretty new though. And the stove. And water filters. And shower cabin.

I washed the shower cabin and water didn’t go out. I put oil dipstick in the sink hole and bubbles came out so water went away and I thought could I break the fucking plastic pipe with that stuff. No, it’s not sharp enough. But water came in the main bilge. Just because you have to turn on the pump when doing this, okay. This pump doesn’t work. So whole fancy shower doesn’t make sense cause it all comes to the bilge. Ok.

And then I turned vac on to clean a bit and it started to buzz and produced smoke so I stopped. I have to tell Jeff I broke his vac.

All day wearing rubber gloves. I cleaned parquets where it still is present, thinking of may be removing all. Started to clean v-berth but it needs separate week.

Then I sandpapered wooden parts of the hatch and they came out very nice. I have to do it all the way around. All these ugly wooden parts can come out as new.

But solving the engine problem is crucial cause I have three months and then I have to either find a job or to leave to Mexico and further. Cause I have negative decision on my asylum procedure and I can’t pay lawyers. Plus may be it’s too late, we’ll figure it out tomorrow.

I ate good today, coffee, hummus+tortilla, vegan pot stickers, granola bars and tika masala with vegan bratwurst. Cooked in microwave, cause it was the only option. Combucha and aloe vera drinks. This boat is big, 39 feet, it has three cabins. But someone stole beautiful anchor winch with foot buttons and it’s crazy to lift up this anchor manually. My previous boat, Peregrine was 34 feet but only 3,5 tons netto. This one is 8 tons. Lots of space and cute underground-like walk around engine room to the stern skippers cabin (which is stripped down to the bone, may be they decided to change everything, or may be old owner died there)

[anangelicday-mrwolf]

Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 30 – Wrong Start

“I give you 10 seconds for you to confess, whoever it is.”

Muzaka’s statement resonated in the air, left unanswered by his closest and most trusted warriors.

None of the four warriors could fancy what was in their lord’s head, and they were busy exchanging looks among themselves, until Garda, as the most experienced of all warriors, decided to be the vanguard.

“Pardon me, my lord, but... I am afraid we have no idea what you want to discuss with us.”

“Isn’t it obvious? I mean, can I make it any more obvious?”

Muzaka sighed from the bottom of his guts, as if he just encountered the gravest tragedy he has ever witnessed.

“Don’t you hear that? Our little girl throwing a raging, hissy fit as we speak.”

Oh.

No mouth in the area ever moved, but an identical sound rang in their heads in synchronization.

In fact, questions had been ringing in their heads even before Muzaka summoned them.

‘What on earth had happened to Lunark?’

‘Why is she so mad?’

‘Shouldn’t we stop her? At this rate, she’ll blow up at least 10% of our land.’

By the time damages caused by Union’s biological weapons were almost as good as gone, out of the blue thundered new cacophony undeniably from a work of destruction.

It turned out Lunark was to blame, slashing and trashing like a bull that has spotted a red flag, as reported by two rookie warriors that were dispatched to find out the cause of it.

And she was doing one hell of a job, so vicious that they could not even get close, let alone ask her what was wrong.

“But it seems her reasons are still functioning. She’s wreaking havoc at that infamous forest. But really, does anybody have any idea what’s gotten into the girl? Whether it is condolence or understanding or reprimand that she needs, I’ll be able to choose one only when I find out why she’s doing... All that. Anybody? Please?”

Nobody moved a muscle to Muzaka’s inquiry-slash-request, for they were just as clueless as he was.

That is, all except one.

Garda learned about Lunark’s rampage from new warriors, who were already throwing a talk party of their own regarding the grey-haired warrior’s behavior, and she ran to the spot right away to check what was going on.

And she could pick up Lunark’s voice even before reaching the forest, from which the former usually stays away.

“Aaaaaaaaaagh!!”

She managed to catch a glimpse of the younger warrior from afar, who was screeching an array of unrecognizable vowels and syllables, with her hands shifted into battle stance as she was hurling towards whatever she could reach, air, trees, or leaves afloat.

Garda had no choice but to retreat, partially because she got scared for her own life, and partially because she was beyond puzzled, never having seen Lunark so unbridled.

Luckily, she could spot Lunark’s face right before she turned away, which left a concerning impression in her head.

‘It looks to me she isn’t mad. She’s whipping up embarrassment from the depth of her soul. Just what could mortify and set her off like that?’

*****

Few days later, Frankenstein’s island

‘Just what did he do?’

The white-haired man had been asking himself ever since the lord of the island returned at last.

He did remember that Frankenstein said he would be visiting wolfkind; however, he was wondering whether he ate the Dark Spear on his way.

Because the atmosphere from the blonde human was so dark, so violent.

That was when 3rd Elder’s experience with mind games from Union kicked in, and he attempted to analyze Frankenstein’s mental state based on what he could make out of his islemate’s facial expressions.

As a result, he could identify a number of emotions: extreme irritation, fury just as extreme, remorse greater than either of the two, and, most importantly, self-hate.

Because of which, 3rd got highly conscious of his every breath and step, despite the fact that he was lodging on this island upon Frankenstein’s permission and consent.

On the other hand, unbeknownst to the scientist, he terrified that the former could have noticed his alliance with Helga.

So he ended up asking Frankenstein if there was something troubling him, ready for a lethal slap in the face.

It’s nothing.

Came a reply with a face that THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING, before the speaker fled the scene.

That did not do any good to relieve 3rd Elder of his fear, but at least he was convinced that the reason behind Frankenstein’s foul mood lay not with him.

When he walked away, Frankenstein’s steps were immediate, rushed as if he never wanted to talk about it ever again.

‘That just made it more curious for me, but I guess it’s none of my business, whatever it is. What matters is that Frankenstein knows nothing about my deal. Speaking of which, looks like the recorder and tracker in me really didn’t work.’

He already knew the answer; had they worked properly, upon his return Frankenstein would have cornered him almost as if he were going for a round of a full torture.

So all in all, regardless of what had taken place with the wielder of Dark Spear, 3rd Elder could not deny that it was all good for him.

It was so good to know Helga’s promise came with a reason.

It was very good to find out her accomplice was truly talented.

‘And I’d say she’s also talented, having discovered and won over such competence, especially considering the original alliance of the said competence.’

Though Helga did relay to him the course through which her accomplice had agreed to act as an accomplice, 3rd Elder was still mystified.

‘Anyways, I’d say nobody knows about my ‘betrayal.’ Which means I should focus on my job and do it right, on the day she mentioned.’

*****

Time never stopped its magic, and at last came the day marked on everyone’s calendar.

<I was wondering whether we could make it...>

<But here we are.>

“Haha, amen to both of you.”

Tao, who had found himself in front of computers for once, laughed at the screens hosting virtual conversation with four recipients at once.

Nonetheless, the man’s face held a hint of anxiety, and Adne somehow detected it like an X-ray.

<Mr. Tao, was it...? There’s no need to be so anxious.>

“Haha, was it that obvious? How embarrassing. And I have been calling myself an expert, with tons and variety of experience when it comes to computers.”

Tao laughed, scratching a side of his head, when Adne offered a word of comfort.

<Experiences does not really grow on par with poise. Besides, anxiety is not so bad, although this is from someone who just told you not to be so anxious. It’s a proof that you are responsible and conscious of the weight of your task.>

“My, I’m starting to feel small in your presence. We should be calling you the real expert.”

<An expert? Me? That’s preposterous. I am no expert.>

But I wanted to be one.

Tao blinked, wondering if he had just heard the werewolf doctor whispering.

Before he could ask if he had said something, however, Adne beamed in satisfaction.

<Most importantly, Mr. Frankenstein recommended you. And that’s more than enough reason for me to trust you.>

“Aww, come on, boss! You should really stop being a proud daddy.”

<I dare you to shout that in my face one more time.>

Tao felt his body turning rigid as a biting voice speared his eardrums.

So did Takio and M-21, watching the scene right next to his chair.

Frankenstein’s face, lighting up an entire monitor that was assigned to him, was brimming with annoyance.

<Thanks a lot, Tao. I’m already starting to think that I really shouldn’t have volunteered as an audience.>

“Aww, don’t be so mean, boss. There’s no way we’re leaving you out for the grand premiere of the event.”

<I would like to second that.>

Said Lascrea, who had been listening like a rock until then.

Because she was standing next to Yuhyung, who decided to be the operator for Lukedonia, only part of her face was visible.

The only one who has not spoken was the doctor from KSA.

Or rather, he decided not to speak, overwhelmed by the presence of werewolves, nobles, Frankenstein, and a group of people who had shared with him blood and sweat in battles.

But of course, that did not mean KSA would be left unspoken for the duration of the event, though it was because Tao directed a word to everyone at the scene.

“So, are we all ready? Status report, please.”

<Yep! All set!>

<Uh, same here...>

<...I believe we are ready as well.>

Adne was the last to send an okay, after a bit of delay, to which Tao responded with a nod completely void of a smile.

“So, shall we begin?”

Right on cue, Yuhyung took the invisible mike from Tao.

<Now, please follow the instructions I had left for you. First, run the program I installed for you.>

Tao’s fingers danced across the keyboard, for he had fully memorized Yuhyung’s instruction manual; and Adne and KSA’s doctor followed suit.

The two humans provided feedback whenever things were lost or stuck in the middle, and they reached step by step closer to the initiation of the QuadraNet.

By then M-21, Takio, and even Lascrea were having a hard time hiding their excitement.

“Okay, we’re almost there! Just a little bit more!”

Tao’s encouragement fueled everybody to the last stage.

<Now, once this file is activated, all four servers will be linked. And like I told you a number of times, we must activate the file at the exact same moment.>

“On a count of three. One... Two...”

Three.

Four fingers stabbed the enter key in unison, and not long after they held their breath in waiting, pleasing hum of machines and blue light began their duet.

<...Well? It looks like things went okay here.>

Asked a voice from monitor connected to the KSA’s headquarter, somewhere between anticipation and concern.

<W-w-we’re okay!>

<Uh, same here...>

Came voices wild with wonder, and Tao was about to laugh in reply, when an eerie whirring noise, pitched so high and so ominous, began to bore through everyone’s ears.

The fact that it took place just when they were literally less than an inch away from completion was horrifying enough, but they had yet to realize the real horror was yet to reveal itself.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep-beep-beep-beep.

BEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!

Monitors linking Lukedonia, KSA, and wolfkind also emitted similar noises, and soon Tao found his screens being painted with tiny numbers and alphabets one by one.

“Tao? What is it?”

“What’s going on?”

Barked Takio and M-21 in alarm; they did not define themselves as computer-friendly type, but they had enough knowledge to tell that such phenomenon takes place usually when there is a technical issue or its sort.

Not to mention Tao’s face was all they needed to see that something has gone terribly wrong.

“No, no, no...! Our server...!”

Tao yelled as he was slamming the keyboard with his entire fingers.

And right then Murphy’s Law decided to spit in their faces.

Pzzt...!

Everyone’s face blinked off as if promised, and instead the monitors were refilled with noises that made the RK’s eyes bleed just by staring.

“What the heck is going on...?!”

*****

“Tao? Mr. Jang? Doctor? Dr. Adne?”

Frankenstein was almost wailing for everyone’s name as well.

To no avail, of course.

“What is it? Just tell me what the hell it is!”

Frankenstein’s cry scattered into an echo unreciprocated, as he was clutching onto his monitor.

So he had no idea there was a pair of blue eyes watching him from his back.

‘Stage 1 is complete.’

Cause disturbance with everyone’s server the moment QuadraNet comes alive.

Therefore, make sure no one can pay attention to anything other than the sudden technical chaos, including what he and Helga will stir up in the future.

It was not an easy task, but they made it.

The 3rd Elder silently removed himself from the back of the stage, his mind winding back to the face of their accomplice, who happened to be featuring on one of Frankenstein’s monitors just a while ago.

(next chapter)

Perhaps it would feel a little rushed to bring about trouble so soon, when the previous chapter featured Frankenstein and Lunark’s first kiss, but now things will start taking the wrong turns. I mean, it’s no fun if there are no troubles or challenges in a fic lol. By the way, I started adding links on each chapter that can take you to previous/next chapter (you can find the link to previous chapter at the top, and the link to the next chapter at the bottom). I’ll add the links to all previous chapters very soon!

[theliterateape]

Why Can't We Just Share the Last Slice of Pizza?

by Don Hall

I had the first TV dinner in possibly forty-years a few weeks ago and it was kind of incredible.

Sure, it was a Hungry Man® chicken and mashed potatoes concoction and had more sodium than a bucket of sea water but it was still oddly delicious and covered in a gravy comprised of nostalgia and gluten. I didn't buy the frozen tray in a cardboard box. No, my wife has, in the pandemic, taken to rebranding her self as a 'resource locator' otherwise known as a 'dumpster diver.'

It sounds odd but I'm convinced that when the Second Great Depression takes hold, I'm married to the most resourceful and extraordinary partner on the planet. She finds brand new shoes, genuine Shriner fez's, and food. Cans of food thrown away. Expired bags of pretzels. And still-frozen TV dinners.

The nostalgia of consuming this marvel of the fifties, the fully-prepared dinner, ready to heat and eat in front of the television comes from my youth. In terms of economic status there were times in my earliest days when we were 'poor'. Now, mom wouldn't let us use that word to describe our situation. She preferred to say we were 'broke'. That distinction was my first lesson in reframing your perspective to fuel optimism.

Whichever it was called it was common practice growing up to eat TV dinners and mom would cut each portion in half (even the weird lava-like brownie or apple-crunch) so we had a meal the next day as well.

When we couldn't afford a Swanson-manufactured meal, she'd make what she called 'Spanish Rice'—Minute rice, a green pepper, tomato sauce, and Tabasco—another rebranding that certainly made this odd and rough cultural appropriation seem both unsavory and about as white as it could be.

Mom worked hard. My recollection was that she was often working several jobs and doing the best she could to keep us in clothing and food with a roof over our heads despite the fact that the minimum wage at the time was $1.60. She also had a way of reframing things so that, at no point, did we feel like we were missing out on much.

On top of that raising me could not have been easy.

We moved around a lot so I was always the new kid in school. Even with teachers and administrators, there is a tribal imperative to put the new members in their place, establishing the rules of behavior and assigning the slot for the newest members. I was never much of a conformist so this dance of going along to get along didn't take. All of which made my struggling mother's life one of battling the powers that be to protect her less than socialized monkey-son.

There are stories. The time I was forbidden to speak in class so I drew pictures of a butt and a butt pooping to silently curse some kids out. The incident of my failing to stay put during classes and finding escape routes during lunch that caused an epic battle as the Vice Principal decided to ban me from the Free Lunch program out of pique and spite. The summer when I was caught beating up Cub Scouts because they wouldn't let me join due to my mother's financial inability to buy me the requisite uniform.

There's an image I have in my head of my tiny mother almost coming to blows with a much larger woman because the woman called us "poor white trash." We were white but my mother wouldn't abide her children embracing the twin ideas of us being poor or being trash.

“No, Donald. You cannot just eat the last piece of pizza. You need to learn to share.”

In Chicago there's a thing called 'dibs.' 

Sometimes it snows big and the streets are plowed but the parking spots are all but obliterated by small mountains of snow. The diligent among residents get their shovels out of the garage and clear out the snow from in front of their homes so that they will then have a place to park. They have done the work, so they feel entitled to the benefits of that labor.

The problem lies with those who do not shoulder in and remove the snow yet still feel entitled to park on public streets that they, after all is said and done, have paid for with their tax dollars.

Thus 'dibs.' The shoveler decides to put a lawn chair or card table or statue of the Virgin Mary in the spot they have labored over so when they come home from work, the spot has been saved for them and them alone.

It all sounds silly until you look at from an economic perspective. There are more cars in Chicago than there are legal places to park. It's a fact. The demand for spaces is greater than the supply. Parking tickets cost drivers thousands of dollars a year and the 'ticket dicks' are as numerous as the homeless. When it snows and the plows come through there are suddenly even less spaces than there were the night before.

Given the city will clear the roads but not the curbs the solution for half the population is to carve out their own space and the other half parks wherever they can. Those who take the spots but do not shovel are capitalizing on the labor of those who do and it pisses them off.

“No, Donald. You cannot just eat the last piece of pizza. You need to learn to share.”

I was thirteen. I was growing. I ate like a fucking locust with the table manners of the Cookie Monster. There it was—the last piece. I wanted it. My sister was small and weak. What was she gonna do?

“Offer your sister the last piece.”

“…do you want the last…”

“YES!” she barked and shoved the whole piece in her mouth.

“That’s NOT FAIR! We coulda split it! That’s not sharing, that’s theft!”

That’s Capitalism. Cut throat. Haves and Have Nots. It is simply not in human nature to share. In all of recorded history there has always been, in every society and civilization, when approached with abundance, a small percentage of those at the top and a much larger percentage at the bottom. Call it what you want—winners and losers, the One Percent and the Ninety-Nine (great name for a prog rock band), Bourgeoisie and Proletariat—it all amounts to the same dynamic.

It occurs to me that in the fight to get people fired from their jobs for tweeting arguably terrible things the double standard in place is exceptionally capitalist. On the ‘cancel culture’ side is the idea that people should be held accountable for their words in the world and, if they cross the line, then employers should fire them. On the other side, these same people will scream that an employer who decides that a kid wearing the costume of his culture or using grammatically incorrect language cannot be fired.

Both are individuals putting themselves and their ability to express themselves at the center of a business that has little to do with the individual. Everyone should have the right to their own specific identity as they see fit but no one should have the right to exert themselves above a business that pays them a salary in order to center things on them.

It’s frustrating. Economic class is the true great divider in the world. Because it is so ingrained in the human experience to live with those who have the cash and many who do not, economic class seems an unassailable unfairness. It’s an immovable and undeniable trait in societies of every stripe. 

The landlord who leverages herself to get loans to buy an apartment building, fix it up to be livable, and rents it out to people has shoveled the snow. The tenant who claims it is unfair to be evicted from that apartment building because they cannot pay the rent is parking wherever there is a spot.

And it pisses everybody off.

No, it is neither race nor gender that is the engine of inequity. It’s almost entirely economic class.

Since the existence of class is so ever-present and unmoving, we focus on other things to change society. The battle to curb billionaires has never really taken hold despite the obvious problems they present. So we focus on race, we focus on gender. We spend our energy ignoring that most of inequity that exists between humans is about economics and find as many differences between those of us on the Have Not side as we can.

Why is it so hard to get rid of billionaires and that pernicious One Percent? Because we all want what they have. We all want the last piece of pizza and the parking space. We all want the luxury of luxurious things. We resent the things we'd have to do to get that luxury so instead we tear at anyone and everyone to gain whatever slice we can.

No one wants to shovel out that goddamned parking space. Trust me. In thirty years of living in Chicago, I shoveled tons and tons of snow to get that coveted spot. I never did the 'dibs' thing but I empathize with the fury at someone taking that spot I've labored over. 

Study after study indicates that it is economic class that holds us back far more than race or gender but the road to power is through a perception of grievance these days and the only evil when presenting poverty as the problem is human nature. Men and women can be demonized. That game has been around for-freaking-ever. African Americans can demonize whites (but not black Americans because African immigrants in America do, on average, far better economically than whites). We can go the People of Color vs White People but, in order to make that case, Asians have to be ignored or made white-adjacent. 

No, it is neither race nor gender that is the engine of inequity. It’s almost entirely economic class. Not that acknowledging that will change anything.

The utopian ideals of Socialism and even Communism sound better than Capitalism. The problem is the humans are built from the DNA to compete. Compete for resources, for sexual partners, for jobs, for shelter. Competition is as instinctual as our desire to procreate and Capitalism is a competitive sport. Throughout history, progress toward learning to truly share that slice of pizza is slow because it goes against our very nature. Not impossible and thus worth the effort but fucking S-L-O-W.

A friend recently posited that maybe I have gained some wisdom in my aging. He then switched and decided that maybe what we think is wisdom is just age plus exhaustion. Whichever it is, I have learned to share. I've also learned that in order to share, I have to assume my offer of the last piece of pie is going to be taken and stuffed into my sister's mouth. I can be wounded by the gesture, I can even be annoyed by it. I have to let it go.

I'm comfortable with the concept of enough. Meaning, if I have enough to share, I have enough to survive. Even if it's only enough of my mom's Spanish Rice.

There will be those, always those, who are so imbued with the need to compete that there is never enough. There will be those, perpetually those, who have not had enough and are willing to tear it out of the mouths of those who have.

And there will always be those, unendingly those, who are fine parking in the open spot knowing that someone else put in the work and not caring enough about anyone else that they take up the space and benefit from the labor without contributing.

On the best days, I don't run into them.

[settingsworld]

WE'RE GONNA CATCH YOU / Eddie Brock/Venom X Reader

Words: 1,8K

Summary: you're being kidnapped by some outlaws. Venom finds a way to get you back.

A/N: thanks to @thepaperpanda for hosting this writing challenge, I hope you'll enjoy my writing though it sucks.

It's been a while since you went missing.

You had to meet him at his place on Saturday's evening but you never came. First he thought that probably you had too much work on your head so he didn't even call you to check if everything was okay. But when you didn't give him a sign of life next day, he started to be worried. He drove to you and banged at your door but he got no response. Brock decided to look after you by his own, without calling cops.

_____________________

A little over a week later, Eddie was woken up in the middle of the night by Venom. "What's up, V? I'm trying to rest, I'm tired after another day of lurking throughout city in an attempt to find Y/N."

Venom whose head was resting on the pillow right next to Eddie's head licked his fangs. "We can't rest, Eddie. We gotta look after her. We miss Y/N," Venom said firmly.

"How do you want to do that, V? We don't have clue of any kind, we don't know where to look."

"So it's time for us to find out," Venom narrowed his big white eyes and licked fangs again. "Knock, knock, let the devil in, Ed. We're malevolent as we've ever been, let us smell her clothes, we will find Y/N."

Eddie blinked wiping his eyes and yawning. He didn't think about such a thing. He thought actually that Venom wasn't interested in looking after you. Eddie seemed to be shocked that Venom tried to help.

Lazily, he got up from his bed and went to the drawer, opening it and pulling out your favourite shirt in stripes. He out it to Venoms face and symbiote sniffed on it hardly. "Her scent's strong. Move your wide ass, Eddie, we're gonna hunt for a bad guys tonight."

Eddie tilted head as he glared at Venom. "Are you kidding me? It's a middle of the night. How do you even know what to do and where to look?"

"Trust us, we have a sense that you're lacking, Ed," Venom smiled widely, his long fangs glistened in the moonlight falling into the room through window.

________________

As soon as Eddie was ready, it turned out to be 2am in the night. As tired as he was, Eddie put his helmet on and went to his motorcycle. Venom who still wasn't hidden within man, sniffed the air and frowned. "Move your pussy, Eddie. We think we smell something."

Eddie got onto his motorcycle and started engine, soon he was driving down the street, to the city center. Venom took control over man's body so Eddie only observed where they were going. "Are ya sure about it? I think we shall call cops, they'll handle it way better than you nor me," Brock suggested.

They turned left and drove under a large bridge only to turn right after that.

"Yea, we're positive, Eddie, so shut your sweet juicy lips or they're gonna be our next meal," Venom said in Eddie's mind.

When Venom forced Eddie to stop the vehicle and when man took helmet off, he blinked. He knew this place, kinda at least. Old fuel docks. He used to have an interview with general from army once in that place. "Venom?," Eddie said. "What now? I think I can hear something. Let's call cops. I don't need some extra problems caused by your stubborn nature."

Venom's head appeared in front of Eddie's. "We can smell thousands of tons of heroin, Eddie. And we smell Y/N. We're sure. We'll handle it, don't worry your stupid ass, let us work."

Eddie frowned. "You're better than a fucking police dog, V. I didn't know you're so freaking talented, man."

Venom frowned at man's words. "We got all high when we've smelled the scent of Y/N. Trust us. Whoever did this. Thinkin' it's time to go get 'em," Venom grinned.

He led Eddie inside one of hangars. It didn't take too much time for Eddie to spot you, you were tied to a metal chair standing next to a huge wooden container.

"It's Y/N," man whispered.

Venom nodded slowly. "Sorry but we have to borrow your body, Ed." After these words Venom overtook Eddie, hiding man under his body. "You're Eddie Brock, and we're the suit, we're Venom, so sit there, boy. It's a real man fight."

Venom climbed on other container and after that, he jumped onto a man that was holding a huge riffle, he knocked guy down with one blow he aimed. Soon, Venom easily fought few more criminals that were guarding the place. Venom let out a deep chuckle. "They ain't gonna know what hit 'em, Eddie. We're unstoppable. And we're hungry. We think it's a great opportunity for us to have some delicious treats like livers, eyes and brains!"

Eddie's face appeared for a second as he coughed. "Stop it, Venom. You make me feel sick."

Then, Venom sneaked to you from behind.

When you heard some steps, your heart almost stopped. "Please, no, don't hurt me! Let me go! I did nothing!," you begged and tears rolled down your cheeks.

"Y/N," Venom gave the body back to Eddie and he quickly started to cut the rope with a penknife he took with himself. "It's me, Eddie. Venom found you," man whispered and leant towards you to kiss your forehead. "You're safe, shhh, just be quiet."

You nodded eagerly and when your hands were free again, you wrapped them around Eddie's neck. But then you froze. "Eddie...," quiet whisper left your mouth.

A bit further there was standing a tall man with a gun pointed right into Eddie's head. He smirked at you. "Whoever you're, kiss her now because it's gonna be the last thing you'll do in your shitty life." Then he pulled a trigger.

Loud sound of a gunshot was heard all around the place. You screamed loudly and shot your eyes closed. You were afraid to open them. But when you did you realized that there was no Eddie. Venom overtook his body once again, masking him. Wound after bullet vanished quickly and symbiote licked his fangs, moving towards the guy. "You kidnapped our Y/N. You simply shot Eddie. You ain't gonna be able to tell what the fuck's happend. It's end of ya, and you look kinda tasty. We'll eat your liver, kidneys, lungs, and heart and oh! Your eyes too, so many snacks to Venom!

Second later Venom opened his huge jaw and simply bit off guy's head. He ate it and licked his mouth. Shortly after, Eddie came back. He quickly ran to you and took you into his arms. "I'm taking you back home, Gosh, I was so worried of you, Y/N!"

You smiled a little at him. "Did Venom just ate guy's head? Or was I daydreaming?"

Venom showed himself next to Eddie's head. "The blood on our hands is the wine we offer as sacrifice," he said gladly. He licked your cheek with his long, slicky tongue. "Welcome back, Y/N."

[elisaphoenix13]

Against All Odds (Ch. 6)

Quill and Stephen took Scott home for the day and after Stephen triple-checked that he was okay, he dragged Quill back out the door so they could go back to school. Scitt realized a few seconds too late that he was still wearing Quill's sweater, and even though the older teen said he could swing by his house on their way back to school to get a new one, Scott could have very easily returned it. He wasn't leaving his house today, but he eventually decided he could return it tomorrow.

As much as he didn't want to go back to school ever, he knew Rachel would think she scared him away. She only did for that short amount of time from when she confronted him to the time Stephen found him on the roof. Then Stephen gave Scott exactly what he needed without him even realizing it. A simple hug that held so much meaning to him and was the first time Stephen showed him any kind of affection.

Then Scott realized…

Quill was the first to give him an affectionate gesture in his entire life.

He massaged the back of Scott's neck while he was laying on the very couch he was currently sitting on, and even managed to get him to doze off for a little while. Both times his friends (Quill really was his friend now wasn't he?) touched him with even the smallest amount of love behind it, Scott took to it like a fish to water. A fish flopping around and dying right next to the ocean that was less than a foot away at least. The ocean was a symbol of love, and he was the dying fish that no one bothered to teach how to swim.

Stephen becoming his friend was a cup of water he needed. Then Quill crashed into his life and they seemed to help him closer to that ocean, Rachel took him three more feet away, and Quill and Stephen took it upon themselves to just pick him up and throw him into the ocean and hope for the best.

Scott snorted at the image, and when he did, he smelled cinnamon. He furrows his brows and looks down at Quill's sweater that he was still wearing, and hesitantly grabs the front of it to bring closer to his nose and smell. He confirmed his suspicions after a quick sniff and blushed hotly. How did his clothes smell like cinnamon?! Was there a special laundry detergent or cologne he used that had this smell? Or maybe Quill ate a lot of cinnamon flavored candies?

A knock on his door has Scott dropping the sweater as his head snaps up and he looks toward the front door in surprise. What time was it? He just got home so he wasn't expecting anyone, and he definitely didn't get any kind of notice from his parents. When he looked at the clock nearby, it had his eyebrows shooting up. It was past five o'clock. Had he been daydreaming all this time or did he maybe doze off at one point without realizing it?

Scott shakes his head when another knock interrupts his thoughts and gets up to walk over to the front door. After unlocking it, he opens the door and blinks when a paper bag is immediately pushed into his arms. Scott squeaks as he fumbles to get a hold of the bag and looks up to find Quill grinning down at him. The younger blushes furiously as he steps aside to let Quill inside, and looks into the paper bag curiously as the older teen walks in and closes the door behind him.

"Tacos, tons of juice, and more cough drops." Quill explains. "Please help me with my math homework."

"You don't need to bribe me. I'm still going to help you." Scott mumbles.

"The food isn't bribery. You had a shitty day so it's comfort food." Quill turns to him, looks him over, and causes Scott to blush even more. "Wow...you're kind of swimming in my sweater."

How is steam not coming out of my ears right now?! He's been here for thirty seconds and I feel like I'm going to internally combust!

"Hnn." Scott wheezes out and immediately mentally facepalms.

"Sorry for showing up without warning. I figured you could use the company. Dining table or coffee table?"

"C-Coffee table I guess." Scott stammers.

Scott had repress the thoughts of holy shit, Quill is in my house and we're alone as they set up with their dinner and homework in the living room. The tv was turned on for background noise and they did what they usually did at school. Quill did his math while Scott worked on his own homework, and when he finished, Scott looked over his work and helped Quill with the ones he got wrong. When Scott wasn't doing his homework, he was inhaling his tacos even though they were murder on his throat. He would gladly make himself mute with tacos, especially ones Quill brought him, when he could taste them.

He did have to unfortunately stop eating for a bit to cough into the (thankfully black) sleeve of Quill's sweater, and the older teen said nothing about it. Scott apologized as soon as he caught his breath and promised to wash it, but Quill just pushed another bag of cough drops across the table to him and went back to his work. It wasn't even math anymore. They finished that half an hour into their session and now he was just working on the rest of his homework. History from a quick glance.

Scott ignored the drops in favor of finishing his dinner, but he did accept the Capri Sun that Quill seemed to conjure out of nowhere. The older teen was wearing a sweater with a big pocket in the front so it was likely he was pulling them from there. Scott just didn't know how many Quill stocked up on.

"You really do like tacos and juice." The older teen says with a smirk.

"What?"

"I asked Stephen what your favorite food is so I can bring you something to hopefully cheer you up." Quill explains. "He didn't even hesitate before telling me."

Scott blinks. "You gave me juice this morning though."

"Oh...uh…" Quill rubs the back of his neck and looks away for a brief moment. "I kind of noticed before that you drink juice at lunch...and wherever you can get away with it."

How long had Quill been watching him to notice a small detail like that? Scott looks down and polishes off his last taco as Quill drops his hand to grab his portion of dinner out of the bag and the senior raises an eyebrow when he pulls out four. Did Scott eat too many? Quill was big and physically active so maybe he needed that fifth taco?

"I seriously underestimated how much you like tacos." He says and Scott frowns.

"'M sorry." He mumbles.

"For what?"

"I...didn't think to ask how many were for me."

Quill guffaws. "I thought you would only eat two but I got you a third just in case. I honestly wouldn't have cared if you ate them all."

"I really like tacos but even I can't eat that many." Scott says after making a face.

"You could probably eat a fourth if you didn't drink so much juice." The older teases and Scott pouts. "Oh, you're even cute when you pout."

There was no denying now that Quill was definitely flirting, and Scott wasn't sure how to react. He wasn't sure if Quill was flirting just to flirt or if he was flirting because he was interested. Against his better judgement and based on the fact that Quill took the time to get Scott's favorite food...Scott wanted to hope. Hope that someone else saw past his walls and liked what they saw. He had no idea what Quill saw, but something piqued his interest. How did Scott respond though?

Don't.

Well, that's helpful.

Scott opens his mouth to attempt to say something, but Quill looks over at the clock. "I better get home." He says as he gathers his things and shoves them into his bag. "What do you think about just doing our homework here? On a good day, you can come home and I can come after practice, and on a bad day, I can drive you home and we can pick up something to eat on the way."

"I...can't really afford to buy food every day and that's not fair to you."

"We can figure out food." Quill shrugs.

"...sure." Scott agrees albeit a little shyly and with another growing blush.

"Cool. You okay to go back tomorrow? We won't blame you if you stay home."

Scott nods and watches Quill stand with his bag and gets up to follow him to the door. As soon as the senior steps out the door after saying goodbye for the night, Scott closes and locks the door and pulls off Quill's sweater on his way to the washing machine. He throws it, as well as his damp sweater and other laundry in, and does a quick load of laundry so he can make sure to return Quill's sweater to him tomorrow and free of his cold germs.

==============

The next morning, Scott was at his locker when he got a feeling of dread and he looked down the hall to find Rachel and her friends glaring at him. Scott swallows and prays that the cheerleader is content to stick with glaring, but then she looks over her shoulder at her girlfriends before starting to walk over. Seriously? Yesterday wasn't enough? She humiliated him every way she could the day before, but who knew what other dirt she dug up or even made up?

Then a shadow was cast over him and the feeling of dread lessened considerably. The cheerleaders stopped in their approach and looked like they ate or smelt something bad. The reason for their halt came to Scott by smell first.

Cinnamon.

Scott turns to look at Quill and refrains from moving closer to the sense of safety that was coming off the football player in waves. That would have just been more fuel for Rachel's fire. So he instead pulled his backpack closer to his front, unzipped it, and pulled Quill's sweater out of it. He offers it up to the senior and the taller teen grins.

"Trade you." Quill pulls another juice pouch out of the sweater he's wearing and gives it to Scott as he takes his sweater.

"I washed it." Scott assures the elder.

"Thanks." Quill looks over at the nearby girls and scowls. "Is she bothering you again?"

"Not yet." Scott whispers.

"Do you need me to walk you to class?"

Yes. "No. That's okay, thanks." Scott turns back to his locker, grabs everything he needs, and closes it.

"Tell me if she bothers you okay?"

Scott nods and Quill walks away after sending a glare to Rachel, and she huffs in annoyance before thankfully walking the other direction. Scott heaves a sigh of relief and walks to his first class as he punches his straw into his juice pouch and takes a sip. His first class allowed food and drinks to an extent, so he decided he was going to enjoy it then. He was thirsty anyway.

Thirsty for Quill, his mind teases and he very quickly kicks those thoughts down into his mind basement again. He really needed to lock the door.

He spent the first half of his day staring out the window since most of his classes allowed free study time to get caught up on any projects or reports that were due before Christmas break, and it would probably be like that for the rest of the week. The break officially started Friday after school, and Scott had already gotten everything big done. His book report for English and his science project were sitting in his locker for when he could turn them in, so all he had to do was do any assigned homework from now until Friday.

The rain wasn't very entertaining though, and just made everything incredibly depressing. While it wasn't storming anymore, the rain was still steady enough that Quill would be the one taking him home. Despite the senior's flirting that was going to one day make Scott explode, he'd rather deal with that than get soaked to the bone walking home.

Lunch came and went uneventfully cheerleader wise, but that was probably because Quill sat with him and Stephen. The junior didn't even blink an eye at their new lunchmate, and Scott somehow only managed to stare like an idiot for a good ten seconds. Then he realized what he was doing and collected himself with the thought that it was just like at home. That's how they talked to each other.

Scott's second half of the day was just as boring with the only upside being the hour after school that he spent with Stephen.

"How was your alone time with your boyfriend yesterday?" Stephen asks and Scott turns bright red.

"He's not my boyfriend." Scott whispers frantically and Stephen smiles.

"You want him to be."

"Shut up."

"He told me about your new plans. Make sure you don't get too excited. Do we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees?"

Scott drops his head and it lands with a thud on the table. "No. Anything but that."

Stephen's smirk quickly turns into a curious frown. "Do you know that-"

"Babies come from storks? Duh." When all Scott gets in response in silence, he lifts his head to look at the older teen and almost laughs at the horrified look on his face. "I'm kidding. My parents obviously didn't talk to me about it, but I did read about it."

"Oh, thank god."

Stephen heads home after their hour is up, and when it gets close for Quill's football practice to be over, Scott leaves the library and makes his way to his locker to get his things ready. As he's putting some things away, he feels Quill come up behind him and blinks when the older teen places one of his hands on the locker beside Scott's, effectively boxing him in. This was different. Quill always gave him an opening so he didn't crowd Scott, so what changed?

"So I was wondering…" Quill starts and Scott tilts his head to show that he was listening. "Can I take you out for coffee or whatever?"

"You mean for lunch?" The younger asks with confusion.

"...like a date."

Scott squeaks and drops his books as his ears start ringing and his breath catches in his throat. Was this a dream? Did he fall asleep in the library after Stephen left? Scott subtly pinches himself, and his eyes widen at the pain that follows.

No, he wasn't dreaming.

[ereborne]

gaze, prayer, held

Gaze: What’s your favorite memory?  Oh, tricky.  I’m not very good at picking favorites, and I don’t really tend to look back to the past very often?  But when I first saw this question, I remembered this one time, my sophomore year of college, when a huge group of my friends and I all got hungry in the middle of the night and ran out to get food from this crazy cheap takeaway Japanese place at the edge of campus.  They were open until two a.m. (when the bars closed) and they had the best food, an absolute ton of rice and your-choice-of-meat and carrots and zucchini and insanely good white sauce, and they were only open for about one schoolyear before the cops busted them for something unknown and they went bankrupt and closed overnight, but for that one year we ate there about once a week and were delighted every time.  And this memory, which I guess my subconscious has nominated as my favorite, we were on our way back, squeaky styrofoam containers in hand, running across the wooded part of the hill to the dorms all in a pack, shouting and laughing about I don’t even remember what.  It’s not an important or specific memory, really.  But we were loud and happy and it was a beautiful night and the memory feels really clear and carefree and makes me happy, so I think that’s it. 

Prayer: How do you find peace?  This might not be exactly what the prompt was meant for, but I was talking to my brothers about it the other day--when I’m stressed, I have this thing I do to calm myself.  I imagine all the stress is in my core and I blow out a really long slow breath, empty my lungs as much as I can, and feel my chest compress and imagine that the stress is being packed down like coal.  It’s my stress and I own it, and I get to choose what form it takes, so I press it down into a combustible resource and use it to fuel whatever I need to do next.  If I can, I let the tension out of my muscles--especially my shoulders and upper back--and I let my joints loosen, and then I’ve convinced my body that it is at ease and full of fuel rather than tense and weighted by stress, and a lot of times it really does make me feel calmer and more in control, better prepared to handle whatever it is that is causing the stress.  Not peace, exactly, I guess?  But pretty close, sometimes. 

Held: When do you feel most loved?  When my cat sits on me!  No lie, he just walks up me like I am stairs and he sits on my chest so I can’t see anything other than his fur and then he flops himself upside-down so I have to rush to support all his weight in my hands or he’ll fall, and then he purrs and purrs and purrs.  He’s a giant pain, but there is no greater show of trust nor love than the absolute boneless collapse into someone’s arms, knowing they will never let you fall. 

[herblogsbysabrina]

Ways to Find You...Again

      With everyday life comes new challenges and sometimes the daily mundane tasks seem like endless lists of “to do” and what didn’t get done the day prior. We all tend to create these checklists in our heard-or on paper, that’s where I’m most productive. But what is it that we have to be most in order to get those tasks done? We must be grounded-centered as a human being. If we are off so will the day be! If we don’t take the time to take care of ourselves others around us suffer as well. We do not give our all when we are drained. I once heard “If your cup isn’t full how do you expect to pour out abundance to others?” By creating a well-balanced self, we can actually tackle the day with a better attitude. 

      A solution to this is stop to think about yourself for once. No, it isn’t selfish, its self-less. Doing something nice for yourself or getting back to remembering who you are as person before marriage, kids and even your job, will help you be more grounded. And if you’re worried about budget don’t be! There are plenty of free activities that require no money or very little. So, if you must budget for it-do it! I promise you; you won’t regret it! Some of these activities can be to just simply “Stop and smell the roses”. Literally! We get so catch up in this hamster wheel of life that we forget the beauty that nature has to offer. By taking the time to love yourself, appreciate nature and enjoy a little alone time you will quickly see how relaxing it can be. The calming effect it gives you is priceless! SO, get out there and go for that walk because not only is it good for your health but good for your soul. You’ll really learn to appreciate the little things and life around you!

     Secondly, take a drive. Find a place you’ve been wanting to explore and go. It doesn’t have to be a million miles away it can be in your very own state. I have learned that most people never even leave their own city to ever explore what the world has to offer them. When I lived in Italy our family use to just hop in the car and drive 30-45 following the sign to whatever city we could venture out to for the day. We would visit markets, restaurants and site see. And believe me it was beautiful. We made so many memories and again priceless! 

      OK, in order to have a “full cup” maintaining a proper balanced meal is crucial to the energy levels you’ll have when tackling everyday tasks. I know it sounds like it may not fit but getting back to you with eating can probably be number one in my opinion but I know this area is a real struggle in this day and age so we’ll leave it as a work in progress number 3 on the list. The correct “fuel” you live on can make a world of change. No one person alone can survive off fast food or artificial anything-I mean you could, but it wouldn’t be healthy. We’re looking for lifelong changes and a conscience awareness of “we are what we eat” mentality. There are tons of recipes out their where you literally could have something different every time you ate! But don’t take my word for it-try it for a few months, switch up how you cook( ingredients and oils etc..) and what you eat and see how much energy you gain or how your body starts to respond to your everyday tasks. 

       Now if you know me you should know I’m not leaving this blog without mentioning exercise. Yes, we all hate it, but it is necessary and a big game changer when it comes to having tons of energy. Exercise, along with changing what you eat, plays a big role in even wanting to function for the day. Ever just roll out of bed wishing you could just lay there for another 6 hours!! Yes that was me and I still struggle with not going to bed on time and suffering from insomnia because my mind won’t shut off (which, by the way, can be a whole other blog post). I know that implementing a workout routine and giving my body just a few minutes daily to maintain its function, so it doesn’t wither away as I age, will not only help me in the long haul but I’m essentially “feeding” my body what it needs so it can stay functioning for me on a daily basis. You can pick from an array of workout modules from Zumba (my favorite high intensity calorie burning exercise), punching a bag at the gym, weighting lifting and running, to something as low intensity as aerobic exercise (jogging, bicycling etc…). All of these are an excellent way to one find an activity you like and have some alone time to yourself. It’s a win-win!! 

      Now for more “cup filling” let’s get into what you would like to do. How about a spa day with mud masks or a nail salon visit? This can be done at home or if you have the extra cash, go let someone else do it for you! Riding a bike? Crafting? Listening to music and painting? There are a lot of activities that can be done solo or with friends. I would have to say just go do something, anything! The whole point I’m trying to make is that we often take time to care for all those around us without ever complaining or remembering ourselves in the equation. We tend to leave our goals, likes and needs on the back burner, selflessly slaving away to everyone else. And let me tell you when that flames burns out, so will you! This is when we see ourselves not as ourselves. We snap and lash out in anger at friends, family and co-workers. You become a ticking time bomb ready to blow up at any little inconvenience or situation. This catastrophe could’ve been avoided if we just stop to take two minutes for ourselves.  Now there are tons of things you can do to take time for yourselves. I have listed below some ideas to get you started and believe me when I say the possibilities are endless if your creative enough, you’ll add more to my list. It really all preference. 

1.Go for coffee/tea

2.Go to a tanning salon

3.Do your nails (at home)/visit a salon

4.Take a hot soak& listen to music

5.Learn to do your makeup

6.Light some candles & meditate

7.Do Yoga/Zumba/any new exercise routine

8.Home facials or visit a spa

9.Go for a walk or bike ride

10.Get a massage

11. Go get a haircut

12.Take yourself to dinner 

13.Check out a concert

14.Take yourself to the movies

15.Learn a new hobby/craft

16.Buy yourself something nice you’ve been wanting

17.Read book/Write poetry

18.Journal

19.Listen to self-help books

20.Learn to garden (start small!)

21.Take a nap! (cause let be real when is the last time you did that?)

Conclusion:

 When you start to make little changes of loving yourself, you’ll start to see a world of difference in your attitude, functionality of self and the appreciation of those little things around that we fail to see when we are all caught up in the mundane. I’m not saying jump and do everything all at once-no, take your time! Schedule yourself a time to do at least one thing nice for yourself this month. Than work your way to every other week or once a week. The biggest obstacle in your way is you. Just go do something-anything! Having a clearer mind and lower levels of stress sounds like win-win to me! 

So, what will you challenge yourself to do first? 

#selflove #health #activites

[theworldofsisi]

Overdose Scene 3

Kim HimChan stared at the bowl of food sitting on the table in front of him longingly. He was hungry - no, starving was more like it. He wanted to eat, but couldn't bring himself to put his chopsticks in the food and bring it to his lips. He had gained weight, after all of the methods he had tried to keep it off. The visual member of B.A.P had struggled with body image issues his entire life - he had been a heavier kid and it had been hard for him to find cool clothes like other boys could wear while growing up, but despite not always being comfortable in his skin, he had never let it get him down.

That had been until he was about twenty years old and was scouted by TS Entertainment to be in a new boy band that the company was planning to debut the following January. The director, Tae-Sung, had told HimChan that he liked how Him sounded and thought that he had natural good looks, but the only problem was that at his weight he didn't fit in with the “boy band image.” Tae-Sung told Him that there was no way that he would do well on popularity polls on Naver if he didn't lose weight because no female fans would be interested in a heavy-set member.

Hearing that he was too heavy to ever be thought of as attractive destroyed any self-confidence that HimChan had in himself. Being insulted in that way made him feel angry and hurt, and for awhile, he used those emotions to fuel the binge diet that TS put him on so that he could lose enough weight before B.A.P's scheduled debut date. After a few months on the diet, HimChan's weight loss came to a halt and Tae-Sung realized that they were quickly running out of time.

Even though he never stated it directly, HimChan understood loud and clear that the director was implying that he wanted him to starve himself to make him lose weight faster. It started with HimChan eating small meals and doing things like skipping breakfast, eating half of a salad for lunch, and the other half of his salad for dinner. He did this for a few months and saw some results and the director seemed to be satisfied with his level of progress, but to HimChan, it wasn't enough. He wasn't doing enough - he still wasn't good enough.

HimChan purged for the first time after eating a full meal one night. He had over indulged in his favorite food, pasta, which was full of calories and fats. Feeling physically sick after realizing how much he had eaten, HimChan made himself throw up the food. At first, the experience is hard for him, but after doing it for a few more days, HimChan realized that he liked the way that it felt.

He was now able to eat anything he wanted without having to worry about gaining weight. This method of weight loss quickly proved to be far from full proof when after days of either starving himself completely or purging anything he ate, HimChan would become so hungry that the only thing that he could think of would be food. He would cave in and binge eat until he felt sick, then purge everything he had eaten, encasing him in a vicious and unhealthy cycle.

Eventually, HimChan lost enough weight to satisfy Tae-Sung, but even after reaching a weight that he felt at least okay at, he wasn't able to stop starving himself. Every time he began eating regularly, the company cautioned him against eating more than he needed to prevent him from gaining weight again.

With a sigh Him stuck his chopsticks in the noodles in front of him, grabbing some beef and vegetables along with them. He put the food in his mouth and chewed stiffly, not really tasting it. His stomach rumbled hungrily at the little bit of food, but HimChan quickly found himself feeling sick. That happened a lot when he ate - it wasn't that the bulimia made him puke. His body did that for him - it was as if it was used to not getting nutrients and immediately rejected what he ate. Despite mounting nausea, he ate another bite of food then another, continuing until he had eaten half of the bowl.

He dipped his chopsticks back in for another bite, but his stomach gave a lurch and he knew that he wasn't going to be able to keep the food down. It was in him slowly but surely adding to the weight that already wouldn't leave his body. The little bit of food moved uncomfortably in HimChan's stomach and he grimaced, knowing that he was going to give in. He couldn't deal with the nausea - if he just purged, it would be over quicker. Waiting the feeling out was torture that just wasn't worth it.

Him pushed his chair back from the table and stood up quickly, causing his head to swim mercilessly. With legs feeling like jelly, he rushed to the bathroom at the other end of the dorm, locking the door before sliding to his knees in front of the toilet. He laid his head against the closed lid, heart beating fast and desperately trying to calm down his erratic breathing. Without warning his stomach rebelled and he flipped the lid up, barely managing to lean his head over the bowl before his dinner made its reappearance.

He gagged and retched again, but nothing came up. He felt full like there was a ton of bricks in his stomach and not just half of a bowl of food he normally loved. The feeling was too much - he had eaten too much. He was going to get fat again, he wouldn't look good anymore if he didn't stay thin. B.A.P couldn't have a fat visual - it would ruin their reputation. That same damned reputation that was the reason that his entire ordeal had started.

The feeling of fullness didn't go away and Him couldn't take it anymore. With a shaking hand, he closed his eyes, refusing to look at the toilet as he shoved his fingers in his mouth, triggering his gag reflex. He vomited again, this time feeling a pleasant sensation of release as the fullness in his stomach began to evaporate.

He hated himself for thinking that it felt good - how could something like this ever be enjoyable? He was making himself sick to lose weight. That wasn't normal, he wasn't normal anymore. By this point he was a freak, right? Addicted to the feeling of being able to eat and not gain weight.

But that was a double-edged sword, wasn't it? Because in the end, this was always the final result. He couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed a full meal and kept it all down. It always came up one way or another, whether by his fingers or his own body rejecting food because it was so often starved.

The worst part was that even though he felt less full, he wasn't done. He still had too much in his body - it was like poison. Toxic, slowly killing him. He had to get it out, too. That only made it easier as he shoved his fingers deeper into his throat, instantly causing him to let out more.

He went on like this for a few more minutes, until he was dry heaving and his throat felt like sandpaper. The only thing he hated was the aftereffects of the acidic substance burning his throat. He had thrown up more than he usually did - he was sure that the leftover stomach acid coating his throat would leave painful sores that would make singing his lines hard, but he would just ignore the pain - it was his fault anyway.

HimChan didn't dare move from the floor as he still felt sick, but he heard a soft knock on the door and his heart stopped. Dammit, he hadn't thought of the other members in the dorm. He was an idiot - they had probably all heard him. They would know that he did this to himself, that he wasn't normal.

A moment later he heard a low voice on the other side of the door and recognized JongUp instantly. “Hyung, are you alright? I thought I heard someone throwing up.”

Still shaking, HimChan didn't answer but reached up and unlocked the door. He was terrified of being caught, but maybe just maybe he could play it off as the stomach flu or food poisoning. He hated the thought of lying to his naive dongsaeng, but the truth would hurt more than the lie.

The door creaked open and JongUp stood in the doorway, concern clearly in his sharp gaze. He took one look at the shaking HimChan on the floor then into the toilet and understanding dawned on his face. He walked to the sink and filled a cup with water before squatting beside HimChan. He held the cup out to the older member but quickly realized that his hyung wouldn't be able to hold the cup without spilling it all over both of them. He helped him guide the cup to his lips and take a sip before rinsing his mouth out and spitting it into the toilet.

HimChan repeated the process a few times before the taste of vomit was fully out of his mouth. His shaking lessened and he held the cup on his own, swallowing the rest of the water to ease his parched throat. JongUp eyed him quietly, but HimChan knew that he was just giving him a minute to recover before attacking him with questions.

He reached up and flushed the toilet before standing up and sliding past JongUp to stand in front of the sink. He was pale and sweaty - he didn't look well at all. With a slight wince, he washed his hands and then grabbed his toothbrush from the medicine cabinet. JongUp stood as his hyung cleaned up, gaze never leaving him.

Once HimChan was finished, the older maknae of B.A.P gave him a weird look that made Him's heart beat faster. Here it comes - the moment where JongUp would tell him that he knows everything. “Hyung, why were you sick?” was all he asked, his voice casual and unassuming.

HimChan relaxed slightly, realizing that he could easily play it off. “The stir fry made me sick. I think I used too much oil to cook it with.”

JongUp shook his head in disagreement. “Yeah, but all five of the rest of us ate that same stir fry, and none of us are feeling sick. Why was it just you?”

“Everyone's bodies are different, Jonguppie.”

“Maybe, but you eat burgers from the Shake Shack every time we go to the States. They're greasier than the entire pot of stir fry, and you eat more of them than you did your food tonight. I saw your bowl on the table- you barely at half of it. How did that little make you sick, but not all of us who finished our bowls?”

“I don't know why, but it did. What else would have made me sick?”

JongUp bit his lip and looked at the ground as if mentally debating. In the end, he gave HimChan a sharp look, knowing that his next words were for his hyungs own good. “Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you make yourself sick? Don't try and use the stir fry as an excuse. When you tried to grab water out of my hand, I smelled puke. I know that we were right beside it, but it smelled closer, hyung. It was on your hand or something.”

HimChan felt his heart rise up into his throat but he took a breath. JongUp seemed to be onto something, but he could still get out of this if he tried. “I was feeling pretty sick, JongUp. I puked in my hand before I got to the bathroom.”

“Why wasn't there a mess anywhere else, then? I don't think you could have done that without at least some getting on yourself or the floor. Plus, our room is right next to the kitchen, and I would have heard you if you had thrown up. I didn't hear you until I came to use the bathroom.”

“You were in a room with five other people. I'm sure you could have been distracted and not heard because everyone else was being noisy.”

“That's the thing, though. YongGuk and Junhong are sleeping, DaeHyun and YoungJae are watching a movie with headphones in, and I was reading posts on twitter. It was completely quiet.” JongUp shook his head in resignation. “Maybe the food did make you sick, but I'm not convinced that you're not lying to me, hyung. You've been nervous since I got in here - you're still sweating even though I cut the air on.”

“Y..you cut the air on?”

JongUp nodded. “Yeah, while you were brushing your teeth - you were too distracted to notice. It made it colder in here, but you're still sweating just as bad. People usually do that when they're hiding something.”

HimChan laughed sarcastically against his will. “Did you learn that in high school psychology?”

JongUp glared, instantly shutting the older member up. “Yeah, I did. But I'm not wrong, am I? You're nervous because you know that I'm onto you.”

“I'm sweaty because I just puked my guts up, JongUp. Are you ever cold after you've just been sick? It heats your entire body up for awhile.”

“Normally when I'm legitimately sick, I have cold chills underneath the heat. Are you cold, hyung?”

“No, I'm not. But not everyone is like you - I get hot after I throw up.”

“Really? Because last time you had the stomach flu, you were complaining that you were freezing and took all of our blankets to warm yourself up, even though you had a high fever too.”

“I..” HimChan tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Your body doesn't always have the same reaction to being sick - this is a different type of sickness, anyway. I got sick from food, not from a virus.”

JongUp sighed as he realized that if he didn't use the bathroom soon, his bladder was going to explode. “Sure you did, hyung..” He moved closer to the toilet before looking at HimChan over his shoulder. “I need to pee. Close the door, will you?

HimChan complied, happy to finally escape his dongsaeng's interrogation. The kid was a lot sharper than he gave him credit for, and it terrified him. Did he actually know or was he just taking an educated guess? More to the point, how had he found out? Had he really been that careless that it was easy for B.A.P's most 4D member to find out so easily?

The visual's head was pounding again, this time not from mounting nausea. With a sigh he walked to the member's shared bedroom and crawled into his bed, ignoring curious looks from DaeHyun and YoungJae who were laying on the floor watching a movie.

Once completely covered by his blankets, HimChan felt tears spring to his eyes and he let them fall against his sheets, choked sobs being swallowed by the pillow.

[i-am-not-anon]

Helping a stranger out: part 12

Summary: Roman is working at a bookstore and his customer needs help. But how much would he do for a stranger?

Author's note: Do I put too much songs in here? It's just that this part again is mostly hurt/comfort. But most importantly: Thanks for taking the time to read my work and I appreciate every like, comment and reblog!

And don’t hesitate to message me if you want to be added to the taglist

Pairings: Anxceit (they broke up), eventual prinxiety

The song Roman sings: You'll be safe here

Other parts: Part 1 (-) Part 11 (-) Part 13

Warnings: Deceit by name Famian, cursing, abusive relationship mentioned, breakup, crying, panic attack, mild angst, manipulative s/o, kissing, possibly mentions of smut but no n/sfw will appear

.

“He gave me something that was supposed to be yours”, Roman lifted the plastic bag, giving it to Virgil.

Virgil pulled out a black leather jacket and some boxers. “Oh. I forgot these to his place.”

“Good you got them back”, Roman hummed.

“I mean I forgot a shit ton of stuff to his house, but of course he decides to give me back stuff that reminds me about him”, Virgil grumbled. “Still like this jacket though.”

“I'm sorry”, Roman sighed. “Am I allowed to punch him next time I see him?”

Virgil laughed. “Maybe not, but I appreciate it.” He walked around the corner to hang his jacket on the wall, while something crinkled in the pocket of it. *An old receipt,* Virgil assumed and pulled the paper out. It was a folded piece of paper and he opened it.

I'm always here if you change your mind xx

[phone number]

Virgil gritted his teeth, ripping the paper in small pieces and throwing them into the trash before walking back to the living room.

It was two am, and Virgil couldn't get any sleep. His thoughts didn't let him rest, despite how tired he felt.

Virgil glanced at his phone, checking the time that hadn't moved that much forward since the last check. He groaned, getting up and walking to the kitchen to get a snack.

The restless man ate a muffin, sipping some milk as well. Tonight wasn't shredded cheese kind of night, he was too beaten for that. Usually the quietness of nighttime, the feeling of being alone and free was refreshing to him. This time he only felt alone, maybe even a little scared of the still air in the room and the cars passing by, not bothered by a lone stranger behind the window.

Virgil finished the muffin, walking through the living room to go and maybe watch a series from his phone. He saw Roman knocked off on the couch, stopping to think. He heard the other man breathe calmly, oblivious to the problems of the world.

Virgil went back to the bedroom, but only to grab his phone and earphones. He sneaked back to the living room, deciding to sit on the floor next to the sofa. Roman shifted slightly on his sleep, and Virgil smiled. It was comforting to know he was right there behind him if anything bad would happen. The slightly less nervous man plugged his earphones in, choosed a series to watch and shaded the bright screen with his hand from disturbing Roman.

Roman rubbed his eyes, stretching. He looked around, a little confused. It was unusual for him to wake up in the middle of the night, especially when normally there was nobody in the apartment who could cause any disruption.

He looked down, seeing a bed-haired Virgil leaning on the couch, watching something from his phone. Roman laid a palm on his shoulder, careful to not jumpscare him. “Virgil?”

“Hmm?” Virgil looked up from his phone, taking one earphone off.

“What are you doing awake at this time of the day?”

“Couldn't sleep.”

“Why are you here?”

“Felt lonely”, Virgil rubbed his face. Oh gosh, this is awkward.

“Well why didn't you wake me up then?” Roman questioned.

“Didn't want to bother. I’m fine as long as I have Friends to binge if I’m restless”, he gave the other man a tired smile.

“That's not right”, Roman frowned. “I can come to the bedroom with you so you don't have to sit on the ground. I mean.. if you don't think it's too weird”, he quickly added, rubbing his neck.

Virgil eyed Roman, pondering the situation. “Okay”, he shrugged, trying to play it cool even though it was kind of a big deal for him that Roman wanted to make sure he was fine.

Virgil picked his laptop and some clothes off of the side of the bed Roman was going to sleep, shoving them under the bed. The taller man sighed happily as he crawled under the blanket. Sleeping in a real bed was amazing.

Virgil stood on the other side, uncertain. “Are you sure you want to stay with me here? I'm going to roll around and you won’t get any sleep either”, he argued.

“It's the same old answer, Virge. I will and I want, because I care about you”, Roman smiled sadly and pulled the blanket so that he could tuck the other man in after he would lay down.

Virgil smiled back, laying down next to Roman and letting himself be tucked in gently.

“Would you be down for cuddling”, Virgil asked quietly.

“If you feel comfortable with that”, Roman smiled.

“Yes.”

Roman shifted closer, pulling Virgil gently against his chest with his other hand on the man's lower back. Virgil nuzzled his face to Roman's chest, making a small, content sound.

“Better?”

“Better.”

Roman held Virgil gently, beginning to sing a calming song again. Virgil assumed it to be one of the same songs he had sung at the shop few days back but it was a new, different one.

Nobody knows

Just why we're here

Could it be fate

Or random circumstance

At the right place

At the right time

Two roads intertwine

Virgil slided his arm over Roman's side to hug him back. It was so peaceful, whenever he sang a song Virgil felt like home.

And if the universe conspired

To meld our lives

To make us

Fuel and fire

Then know

Where ever you will be

So too shall I be

This song read almost like a love song, but Virgil didn't mind. He heard Roman smiling through the words.

Close your eyes

Dry your tears

'Coz when nothing seems clear

You'll be safe here

Virgil felt himself sinking in as Roman sang the last verse in a quieting, soothing tone.

From the sheer weight

Of your doubts and fears

Wounded heart

You'll be safe here

In my arms

Through the long cold night

Sleep tight

You'll be safe here

.

Taglist: @the-unrealistic-dreamer @selectivereality @metaphoricalpluto2 @sherlock-lives-on-bakerstreet @quietwords-loudthoughts @aesthetemoonshadows

[highroadsteve]

purple (part one) — p.p.

pairing: peter parker x bestfriend!reader

warnings: language

requested thank you so much!

a/n: this was split into two parts, you all know how much i suck at posting. but don’t worry, the next one will be up tomorrow 4pm PST. meanwhile, enjoy this part!

masterlist

“Hey babe.” Your boyfriend sat next to you on the table, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close in, to give you a kiss on the cheek. His blond hair tickled your face, causing you to laugh and shove him slightly. You smiled at him, pulling him back in to kiss him.

School was about to start in a couple of minutes, but since you, Peter, and Ned had a morning period, you were there earlier. The two boys sat across from you, talking about some chemistry assignment that was due soon.

”Hey Harry, what are you doing here so early?” You asked him, furrowing your eyebrows slightly as you looked up at him. Harry’s eyes glistened as he talked to you, the admiration evidently twinkling with every shift of his eye.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he responded. “Had to talk to my math teacher about a grade. Entered a 0 on an assignment when I actually got a 90.” The blond responded and you congratulated him with another kiss. After a few seconds of silence, Harry turned to Peter and Ned, giving them both an excited smile.

“Hey guys, how are you both?” Harry reached over the table to give them both a handshake. They awkwardly returned the favor, reciprocating the question after their response.

The four of you spoke longer until the bell had rung, signaling that it’s time for first period.

“Hey Ned, don’t you have video productions right now?” Harry asked Ned, who nodded in response as they all stood up.

“Cool, I have biology, if you want to come walking with me.” Harry offered to which Ned agreed. The both of them started heading the opposite way than you and Peter, who shared the same class.

Before you started walking, you heard Harry call your name when he approached you, kissing you softly on the lips. “Hey love, can I go to your house after school?”

You gave him an apologetic look, “I’m so sorry baby, I can’t. I have errands to run and a ton of homework. Maybe tomorrow?”

“That’s fine, doll. I love you, have a good day!” Harry spoke, giving you one more kiss before finally walking away and talking to Ned. You did the same, but walked with Peter and talked to him.

“What? I thought you free today?” Peter asked you, adjusting his backpack strap and looking at you curiously.

“Can I talk to you later about it?” Peter nodded at your response and continued to talk about something else. He usually is very understanding, and he knew that he would get an answer so there was no use to pry.

...

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this to him.” You sighed, sitting at the edge of the building after a couple of minutes of silence. Both yours and Peter’s legs were dangling off the edge, but securely sitting on it. You brought the glass up to your mouth and drank from it, looking out at the view. Peter turned to you, his red and black mask still sitting comfortable on his face along with his skin-tight suit. The black mask on your face hid half of your face, clinging onto it to keep your identity hidden, a feature that you requested from Tony Stark.

“To Harry?” Peter asked, looking at the space between the two of you. You kept looking forward, a million different thoughts and feelings swarming your head, finding the pros and cons of breaking up with Harry. Pros were coming up short, but they are overpowering the cons.

Nodding your head, you kept your eyebrows furrowed in focus to the scene in front of you. Cars in daily traffic, trying to reach their destination angrily but safely.

“Doing what?” Peter asked and you let your shoulders slump, glancing down at your hands covered in a skin-tight suit as well. The blend of the black, purple, and red screaming out the burden of your job. You protect the city, and you know you want to protect the city, but having the constant fear of failure to keep everyone safe was something that ate at you and more so forced you, rather than motivate you, to continue doing what you do.

“Having to put my relationship on hold because I have to prioritize other people that I don’t even know. This whole superhero thing,” You motioned to both yours and his suit, “is not healthy for us at all.”

Peter nodded slowly, looking down at his own hands and inspecting every single detail as if he’d never seen it before. It really was a burden, but he chose to live this life and so did you. And he knows that your heart was too big to give up the life of a superhero.

“I just...sometimes I wish I was just a teenager in high school. Like, I wish that I didn’t have to stop doing my homework so that I could go fight off evil people. I wish that I could go to football games without constantly being aware of everything going on around me. You know?” You looked over at him as he stared at you with warm eyes. This kid, this kid with the biggest heart and the kindest eyes, was your partner in crime. He made sure to always stick by your side, and you did the same. Both of you risked your lives together, hoping that between the both of you, your lives would be safer. Your combined age is over 30, which is how old most of the other superheroes are, so it just makes sense that you should fight together.

He was your best friend, and you cared about him so much. You felt guilty that you ranted about how much you would rather have a normal life, because if you didn’t have this job, you wouldn’t have met him. So the lack of conversation coming from him was making you feel bad.

“I don’t know, I just—“

“I could help you.” He interrupted you, causing you to turn to look at him and ask him to elaborate.

“Whenever you feel like you need to fuel up on normal teenage stuff, you can text me and I will try my best to take care of the crime by myself.” You looked at him with your mouth slightly agape, wanting to say something but not knowing what to say. You were shocked that he would even do that much for you. He would risk himself of getting hurt just so you can be happy.

“I— Peter you don’t have to do that.” You finally spit out and he gave you a small smile.

“But I want to. You deserve to have some days off. After all, you make a good point. We’re barely seventeen.” He responded, leaning back into his arms after stretching his legs.

“Okay. But you have to promise me that you’ll message me also. We both deserve a break.” You told him and he nodded slowly.

“Okay but we need a code to text each other, you know, so less time is wasted.” He pointed out and you nodded.

“What about the word ‘Purple’?”

He smiled and stuck out his hand for you to shake, “deal.”

——

part two

[plattkaefer]

19, 4, 1, 28

1. Your first OC ever?

- TBH I don’t quite remember it. I think it was some random catboy dude called Akira tho (also yes hence my good old email address jsshjsjbvsk)I don’t remember much about him though except that I drew one (1) picture of him that had him chill all forlorn on a balcony. I still remember THAT picture pretty well so here is a reimagining of it which I just spit out in like three minutes jsnsks

this was prime 12 year old me art

4. A character you rarely talk about?

- Syann. I once came up with him for an rp with a friend but since he was made for that exact setting I haven’t really had a chance to bring him back to life. His concept was basically that there always existed another plane in time with the real world where the shadow of every person and everything that casts a shadow exists. Humanity doesnt know of its existence but they do the other way around. The shadows were sentient but, well, just existed. The story set in bc the human my friend played lost his shadow but somehow continued to live which upset the balance between the worlds (it was the whole “yeah going against the path life had destined for you and losing your place in the world” spiel) and basically Syann took over the human body he was the shadow for and tried to investigate what had caused the loss of that shadow. It took him a while to even learn to speak and walk and he only ate when reminded or forced bc he kept forgetting that he needs to keep a human body alive and fueled and despite feeling no pain bc he wasnt that merged / attached to the body, he got burn wounds when stepping into direct light but could move around fluidly in shade. he was generally very fun to play with bc he was,,, so bored and therefore got involved with a rebel gang war against the corrupt government just bc he could (and the rebel leader was said person who lost their shadow), and eventually grew into that body and the world, began to experience pain and attraction,,, and eventually had to return to his world when it was all solved :’) He did return to the human world after months though despite knowing he’d take his human body’s mind and life forever bc he couldnt go back to being a shadow after he had learned living a human life.

This is a picture of him (black hair) and the rebel leader that I drew,,, idk, a year or two ago

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

- will smith pose @ Tamarranth aka the only oc my followers probably know about bc I don’t talk about any other oc ever jnsdjsksk ok maybe Elykra and Caylum sometimes but u kno

I can’t go into too many details about him bc he’s now my dnd character and you mustn’t know too much about his backstory and personality yet but let’s say that he’s my most fleshed out oc who I detailed and worked out over so many years,,, and now he holds a lot of my own issues and personality ticks and many that are exclusively his and generally I just relate a lot to him and care for him a ton He’s a good man with a terrible life but things will get better. I’ll have him work on it :3c

here’s m’boi

28. Your most dangerous OC?

- In terms of plain personal physical / magical power and fighting prowess, probably Tamarranth or Elykra. But I like to think of Etheyn as the most powerful. He’s a prince and army general, cunning with a brilliant strategic mind, an accomplished soldier and leader yet delusional with thinking that he knows best. Knows what’s best for the people, for his country - and he will stop at nothing to achieve that. Even if that means exiling or killing his own family. He’s a very intelligent man in a position of great power and he knows it - and usurps the throne. He is also very much a loving husband and devoted father and brother and companion to his soldiers, yes. But still delusional and puts his own morals and way of thinking over common sense. It’s all for the greater good, after all, right?

this is the one nice picture I have of him don’t @ me jbsksks

[laketaj24]

Careless: Chapter 6: Balconies

A/N: There is some smut. There is a ton of Ivar/Leela angst as well lol. There are some mild threats lol I hope you enjoy though lol. I really like writing Leela. She just has no bound which makes her extremely awesome to write. The taglist is open!! If you would like to be added or removed, say the word!!! Let me know what you think!!  I made a MASTERLIST!!!!  

Ivar had no words to say to Leela and was bad at detecting if they were angry or sad tears. But she hadn’t stop crying since he picked her up two days ago. This was the reason she had left him last time and a smart piece of his heart ached to think she might leave him again. There was no doubt in his mind that it was Freydis but he said nothing. He stayed to himself consoling Leela who didn’t even want to go to work.

She had started cleaning. Leela sorted through the laundry as the washer changed cycles. He hooked his arm around her waist puling her up to him. “You good?”

“No.” She moped turning to him. “This is all too much again.” She breathes.

Ivar doesn’t want to hear it scooping her up from the ground placing her on the washer. She feels the water trickling into the washer and the hum from the spin cycle starting. He grabs her to the edge of the machine taking her underwear off allowing them to fall in to the ground. They hadn’t had sex in days and being used to having her daily and multiple times had him on the edge. He spreads her legs watching her breath grow shallow as she peppers kisses along his cheek bone. He enjoys her soft moist lips trailing along his neck pulling up his scrubs and then her hand reaching in his pants. She grips his shaft causing another hungry groan to escape. Leela was already slick and he had done nothing to her. He pushed her down on him causing her to hold her upper body up on the washer which was spinning non-stop below her. They both could feel the vibration surging through them. Ivar thrust in her forcefully. Pushing in and dragging back out only to pound into her again. Her hands claw down his back down a familiar trail of fingernail marks and tattoos. Ivar felt his orgasm building and he knew she wasn’t there yet. He reaches between them circling her clit. The sounds she makes in front of him are majestic. The melodic cries of her coming cause him to follow her but he doesn’t stop for a few strokes making sure he filled her before pulling out.

He can’t stop kissing her, a feeling of lost had been following him around for a few days, since the incident. He gets dressed once more still watching her on the couch.

“I have a quick route today. I have to do four stops and then check in with Sig about last week.” He grabs his backpack kissing her briefly before taking his keys from the end table.

“Okay.” She pauses. “You don’t have to come over tonight. I have to get some things done.” Leela looks at Ivar dressed in his powder blue scrubs and his freshly shaved face. “You look nice.” She inhales taking in the scent of his perfume and then laying back down on the couch. She couldn’t say the same about herself. She’d ate her weight in junk food and ice cream curled up on the couch with him. Her eyes were swollen, and her hair was a hot mess.

“I’m coming back. I can help you with whatever you go to do, and I’ll help you clean.” He nods at her smirking. “Love you, see you later, aight?”

“Aight. Get your nursey ass out.” She tries not to smile, kind of proud about seeing him actually do what he worked hard to accomplish. “Love you too.” He left, and she climbed from the couch trying to come to life from her obvious slump. The three weeks of vacation she had saved up had been her saving grace, even if she hadn’t planned to use them all right now. The billboard was gone the pictures were burned and her job was still intact, but it didn’t mean she didn’t want to know who was out to get her. Leela felt the guilt weighing on Ivar. He’d taken the pictures, but he always had taken pictures of her. They were that couple that couldn’t stop recording each other just to look at it later. Everything pointed back to Freydis. She showered and slicked her messy sew in back into a pristine bun. She pulled her dress suit from the closet and beat her face. There was a plan in action and she wanted to make sure Freydis saw the real her. The drive to the hospital took all of twenty minutes and the entire time she blasted her music amping herself to not kick her ass on sight. She got there parking in the guest section and she headed up to the floor she’d heard she worked on.

Freydis was not busy, perched against the nurse’s station talking to Hvitserk. His eyes widened as walked towards her quickly. “What are you doing here Lee?”

“Hvitserk, good to see you too. I didn’t come to visit you however, so I suggest you move your skinny ass out of the way before I, “Mike Tyson” you.” She shrugged her shoulders walking passed him with no resistance to Freydis.

Freydis was trapped against the wall and the counter and the fear in her eyes was evident. She swallowed hard gazing at Leela. “What are you doing here?”

“I came here to say in the politest way, that if you keep fucking with me and him, I will…” She leaned closer to Freydis barely touching her ears with her lips. “Fuck you up and I don’t mean in the drag you across the floor way. I will reach…” The threats continued for a stream of a minute and then she stood up clearing her throat. “I know you hung those pictures. I’ve called my lawyer and he’s contacted the police and they have cameras in the surrounding areas. So, I guess you will get what’s coming to you.” Freydis says nothing as she backs away from her pivoting and smiling. “I have to go. Have a good one.”

It helped that she said something to her or at least for the moment it did. She opens her phone seeing snapchat telling her that Ivar was nearby. She dials his number and he doesn’t answer. It doesn’t bother her, the shop he was at was around the corner. She’d go to him.

Ivar closes the hood of the car tugging the hat down to cover his eyes. This was the first car he’d done in years. The car might eve run fine and not explode. He’d likely lost his touch. He jogged a block out the way waiting for the explosion to shake the streets. He slid into one of the cafes ordering a water and some food at sat at the window. He was set to get off work in ten minutes it was enough time for him to get his food eat and head home. Ivar’s hands shake as he opens the water. This was the part of his life that he wanted to seal away. Yidu slid in the booth with him and smiled.

“I remember when you were still a baby, you know.”

“I know.” He grimaces. “Look I don’t think I can do this Yidu.” He whispers. “It’s not as simple as it used to be. I have people I care about and I don’t want to get mixed up in fueled wars and family shit. You aren’t my family.” He stressed.

“I know you have changed.” She squeezes the lemon into her cup of water and it happens. The explosion shakes the block and she watches as his face tings shades of red. “I only need you for three more.” She pushes him a bag under the table. “There is 25,000. Just put it in your bag and go do whatever you young kids do now. Riku will call upon you when you are needed again.”

“Right.” He shakes his head feeling his heart trudge into his stomach and the water threatening to com back up. This was no longer easy. “Leela.” He said as she entered the small shop.

She was dressed up and he liked this adult “come fuck me in my office” suit she wore. He felt his pants grow tighter and his dick pressed against his leg. She still looked shaken and he was sure no matter what is was, he was the cause of it. She walked over to the table placing her huge purse in the middle of it. “Who is this?”

“You and your women.” Yidu giggles finishing off her water. “I will see you later.”

“Uhm, no the fuck you won’t.”

“She’s my old babysitter babe.” He laughed. “This is Riku’s mom. Her and my dad used to be good friends and she was in the neighborhood, so she ate with me.”

She presses her lips together wanting to call his bullshit, but she doesn’t say anything about everything she had just read. “Something is on fire a block over.” Leela says ignoring Yidu as she leaves the table. “We should head back to the apartment. Did you ride your bike?”

“Uber.”

“Come on… I drove.”

The ride back to the apartment is silent for the most part. Leela lets him drive holding all of her their things. “So, these people that are just reappearing in your life are just good people. Why does Ubbe not talk of them? I know you know the same people.”

“I don’t know. Ubbe is weird.” Ivar avoids the question completely keeping his eyes on the road and not on hers. “Why are you so dressed up? I thought you were going to stay in the house? You look like you went to court.”

“I went to the police station and talked to them about the case and then I went to the hospital and I told your ex-whore that I would reach down her throat and rip her heart out if she fucked me over one more time. I’m not Y/N. I know y’all Lothbroks got these blondes going wild and shit, but she ain’t gone try to kill me and all that. If she come for me again I’m swinging her ass over the balcony.”

“Uh huh.” Ivar tries to suppress his laughter and he does biting his lip turning the music up.

“And no sir, I’m not done with your ass!” She turns the music down and turns to him. She quickly unzips the bag pouring the money in her lap. “What the fuck is this?” she pushes Ivar’s shoulder causing the car to swerve. “You’re lying to me aren’t you? You over trying to be thug Ivar and shit?”

“Why in the fuck would you do that?” He gripes straightening the car up and turning into the apartment complex. He parks and turns to her. “What do you mean “thug” Ivar? You’re so damn dramatic, I swear.”

“There was a bomb that went off less than a block away from you. You think I forgot about all that shit Heahmund told me about you? You think I’m fucking crazy huh? So, cut your bullshit. And be honest with me, or Freydis’ ass isn’t gonna be the only person flying over the damn balcony.”

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[mayitellyoumydreams]

I definitely progress.

Well, life is actually about constantly taking progress. If you are doing things right, you will be always better, you will become slowly the person you always wanted to be. if not, you are becoming better and better in lots of things, cannot avoid it, I’m sure, you just refuse to notice these steps forward because you concentrate on the missteps too much) Yes, it requires time, I guess, sometimes a lot, but you should not be worried. There are always phases when you just stop and look back. Then you see how much you’ve gained so far.

Now, there is this kind of period present in my life again. I made progress. Really happy about it.

First of all, I am on Tumblr, finally. (Love this place, but cannot really use it or idk, spread my blog, so nobody might read this when I post it, but I am just happy to post it for some reason...) Formerly, I was on the standpoint that it is not my platform, this is not where I really want to be but on Instagram or something like that which was really poisoning for me. I always compared myself to the fake people there and wanted to stand out and be the one whose content is great and people are listening to my words etc. I was wrong. I am sure there are a bunch of good guys on Ig, but as I have seen this is rather a business now than a platform where you can be yourself and where you can grow as a person.. And, this kind of constant comparison is not helpful when you are depressed as hell because of the university, lack of ambition, and creativity. When your self-image is in ruins and you cannot even do the things you like, e.g. painting and artistic stuff because you are convinced that you are a trash. I quit Ig.

Months passed by, things that caused stress left my life for good, but that bastard still left its results or effects (idk) behind. However, I stopped caring about these shitty things. I refuse to let stress in my life again. I am not willing to see how crappy things might be. I am only looking at good stuff. At my personal growth.

So, I began journaling and writing. I recognized that my “talent” did not disappear from me, but it was only ME who blocked its way to break through. I stressed the hell out of it. I wanted to write something meaningful, something cool or original, something that reflects my inner world and is good enough to call literature. I stressed about the language as well. Well, I am Hungarian, and I love Hungarian language and writing in Hungarian, but I also wanted to share it, to make my writings “universal”, to be possible to read by anyone who is interested or something like that. But I can express myself in my native tongue the best, but does not want to belong to this small Hungarian group of people, whom I often find disappointing. This country is sometimes just hella stupid. Okay I might have gone too far. So. I am not okay with the “I-am-not-good-enough-to-write-in-English-cause-I-cannot-express-myself-in-English-as-good-as-I-am-able-to-do-in-Hungarian” attitude, I will fuckn learn how to write in English, how to be literary in English. Just needs practice. Secondly, I believe in myself a lot more now. No one has the right to say what is worth to call literature or art and what is not, and I just stop worrying about this. It does not have to be good or artistic. The point is, that I write. Nothing else matters.

Aaaand yaas, art. You know I love painting and drawing but I recently had the same issue with this as I had with writing. From this period on, I am only drawing and painting from my heart, my paintbrush is led by my feelings. And then art completes its most important mission... It eases my soul. I just let the overwhelming feelings run out from the very end of my fingertips to personify themselves on the canvas or paper. I let them live. 

And thirdly, what it probably the most important of all, I quit stress in every field of my life as well. During the university semesters I was depressed all the time, I was anxious that I am not going to finish in time, I am not able to meet the requirements, I am not good enough to get my paper in the end. But I am. I can do this without being anxious and depressed. I have time. I can sit and write a (probably too long) post on tumblr. I have time to do my research in field that currently interests me like healing with crystals, witchcraft, lucid dreaming, herbs, characterology, personality types, Buddhism, literature, movies, creative writing, and music. Yes, I am finally listening to music again, I have relearnt to enjoy music and I have found my style. *I am incredibly happy about this* And, I am reading again. Not only two pages because of the pressure on my shoulder that I have to go to class tomorrow, and I will be sleepy if I am not going to bed right now blabla. I really read. I am engaged with the characters, with the world that the book offers me to dive into. Cannot be happier, really. 

What is more, I was concerned about food really really badly. I worried that I am not taking in everything what my body needs, the vitamins, minerals, etc. I ended up eating tons of food, salads, protein rich stuff, basically everything what is considered to be healthy, but I actually overate. I ate all the time because I was worried that I am going to be hungry during class, If I am not eating something right now. Hhowever I was not hungry at all and eating all the food made me sick. I was bloated and wanted to throw up. Well, I am over this. I LOVE cooking, and I am talented in it, I think, and realized that it will ruin my body and life if I continue this routine. Now I eat less, and slowly and feel amazing. And I don’t care if I will be hungry for an hour, but I won’t overeat If my body does not need any fuel..

I am listening to my gut. I am paying attention to people and trying to help them, to be their happy ray of sunshine. That is my mission, to let the people in my fairy-world and advise them and see their smile. I am doing this again, and it recharges my whole being every single day. 

I began to pay attention to my dreams too. Recently my dreams are very vivid, I remember them very well, and decided that I am going to write a dream journal to recognize the patterns and to be able to decode their meanings. I believe they are metaphorical, and worth to pay attention to and listen to their warnings. I am conscious of my subconscious and I am going to watch the signs.

I summarized this some days ago when I went for a walk into the forest that is nearby our apartement. I smoked a “mind-enlightener” and got a little bit high, and strolled among the bushes and trees, amazed by the infinite number of fall colors.. The sun was going down, so everything was slightly red and orange, and I just broke down my inner walls and became one with all the energies that surrounded me. I listened to my heart beating, to my breath, I payed attention to the air touching my skin, on my steps on the ground, how my muscles tighten and then relax again. I listened to every single noise from the city, to the wind, to the brook as I got closer to its shore. I was really present at the moment. I was wallowing in euphoria.

I still am.

p.s. I am really open to make friends here so feel free to message me if you want :)

[sad-af1121]

Magnets (One-shot)

Summary: What could possibly be the best way to let someone know some exciting news? You went with an easy plan in such a short amount of time but you wanted to cherish the moment with Bucky, even if it was cheesy. At least you’d have a story to tell your firstborn and how exactly it went down.     Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader  Word Count: 1825 Warnings: FLUFF A/N: Credit to @ruby-white-rabbit for the cute hc. Thank you, dear! Feedback is welcomed 💜

The sweet and strong taste of green tea flooded your mouth as you take a sip to wake yourself up. The earthy fluid rested on your tongue, awakening some of your senses.  Caffeine was a dire need now, especially if you had to wake up this early for what you planned about 24 hours ago. You couldn’t have your usual expresso due to well… you being pregnant. It was only yesterday when you found out about the exciting yet frightful news. You told yourself this was good. More than that.

This was a new beginning.

And honestly, it sucked ass that you couldn’t indulge in caffeine because you couldn’t go a day without it. Yes, you were more productive and lively when you drank a couple of cups throughout the day. But you didn’t want to risk intaking too much for the sake of the little bundle of joy you were soon going to have.

You were sitting on the couch watching Friends when you had the sudden impulse to puke. It ran itself up your throat before you emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet bowl. Relief washed over you once you made it to the bathroom, sweat resting on the top of your brows. Just in time too or else you would had used Bucky’s combat boot as a waste bin again.

He wouldn’t have been too pleased about that. It could explain the other times you got drunk and used his favorite pair to do exactly that. He obviously forgave you, but he kept his shoes hidden whenever you got to that stage. That taught him a lesson too: not to leave his things lying around or else bad things might happen to them.

Aka they’re shit out of luck.

You thought back to the food you ate the night before. Maybe the buffalo wings you ordered from that sketchy restaurant were bad? It’s not like you haven’t had them before; they were your lazy food whenever you didn’t feel like cooking for the night. And on those nights Bucky wasn’t home. Missions and paperwork kept him busy for most days out of the week, so you didn’t have to worry about his strict diet guidelines he set for you. So what you like eating fries dipped in chocolate sauce. It tasted so fucken good to you.

However, Bucky refuted that. Telling you ‘you should eat foods to fuel your body. Not to fill it up with nonsense things.’ You just agreed and ate food that were good for you. But hell, it didn’t stop you from having cheat days.  

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The color of your skin lost its beautiful warmth, the awful taste in your mouth made you queasy and the slight pain in your tummy troubled you. It wasn’t too bad, it was bearable. The soft chill of the Fall season didn’t raise any questions to catch the common flu or cold, so it was hard narrowing down the source.

Your face scrunched in thought before the light bulb in your head went off. Mother Nature didn’t visit you last month and it was starting to look like she wasn’t going to come this month either, making you smack your forehead with frustration. Quickly, you laid out about three pregnancy tests (thank god Wanda gave them as a gag birthday gift), and peed on them, waiting for the results. Those 5 excruciating minutes had your nerves wrecked and your heart almost gave out with the tension you built inside your head. Whether or not Bucky would be happy was a constant thought. It wasn’t like you two hadn’t talked about having kids.

Because he wanted them. Badly.

Your body was under utter stress, screaming with anxiousness as you shut both eyes, exhaling deeply before opening one eye to peak at the tests. Your vision wasn’t that great, especially since you were about 3 feet away from lines that are smaller than the size of a rice grain. Stepping closer, and opening both eyes, you looked down on the counter as they widened at the double lines on each test, informing you that you’re pregnant. Every emotion possible danced inside of you and you didn’t know what to do next.

Squealing with joy, you ran out the bathroom to call Bucky home, but you stopped in front of your phone, wanting this moment to be special- something to remember when thought back to. Thus, you called Wanda. And boy was she jumping up and down like a five-year-old. You could have sworn you lost your hearing with her shriek of enthusiasm and cheerfulness. You two gossiped about how excited you were, discussing a plan to tell Buck that you were carrying his child.

And here you are, setting the little box filled with children’s alphabet magnets on the comforter of the bed as you carefully sit on your knees beside Bucky’s metal arm. You could have gone with a better way of telling him, but you wanted your husband to know as soon as he woke up. His hair was disheveled, covering most of his face. You brush his chestnut locks out from his eyes, smiling down at his peaceful state. Leaning in, you place a chaste kiss on his forehead. Bucky sucks in a breath, making you still in that position, your lips just inches away from him. You were afraid to move because he might wake up and ruin the little plot. But he simply turns onto his side, giving you a better access to his arm.

“This better fucking stick.” You assertively murmur under your breath before placing the letters onto his arm, releasing a breath of hope as they adhere to the metal. These were cheap magnets and you were content that they worked. After about 15 minutes of perfecting each character on his arm, your eyes roam over to his alarm clock that was about to ring in 30.

“Shit!” Hissing, you hurry off the bed, pushing the little box under as you rush out the bedroom to leave for work. Thank goodness you got ready beforehand or else Bucky wouldn’t have let you go after finding out. Grabbing your bag and keys, you run out your apartment, the foolish grin on your face never leaving as you made your way to your car then work.

Humming in his sleep, Bucky’s eyes flutter open, lids heavy with slumber as he groans. “Baby?”

He calls out to you, only meeting silence in return. He gets the idea that you left for work like usual, nothing in his head to facetime you later to see your beautiful face. Bringing his flesh hand to his eyes, he rubs away the remaining of his sleep, narrowing his sight at the clock before shutting off the alarm the second it began to ring. Smirking, he turns over again, pulling the covers up to his neck as he snuggles with the fresh cotton before tensing when his phone rings throughout the quiet home.

“Jesus Christ.” He growls, throwing the blanket over to reach for his phone. “Hello?”

“Hey, buddy. We need you down at the tower, like now.” Clint informs, nodding over to Steve as he walks beside him. “We got new recruits and you and Cap need to do some early training with them. Orders from Fury.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky stares at the ceiling, irritation laced in his tone. “I need to shower -”

“You can shower here. Now get your ass up. See you soon.”

“I- Hello? Did he just hang up on me?” Bucky scoffs, eyeing the phone with disappointment before tossing it to the side. He gets out of bed, his feet weighing a ton as he drags them across the wooden floors. Exhaustion resided inside him, but duty calls.

After using the toilet and splashing cold water on his face, Bucky walks out, quickly grabbing his jeans and a new t-shirt before slipping those on. Within a short time, Bucky’s out the door, throwing his jacket over his shoulders before getting in his car and driving to the tower.

The usual elevator ride to the gym wasn’t anything exciting. He wondered what he would have to do today when he’d get free time to himself, or if his mind would mess with his day. He could only hope and pray.

The elevator grabs his attention as the steel doors open, the sounds of grunts and groans coming from the distance as Bucky makes his way to the locker room. There, he’s greeted by Clint who happens to be changing out of his training clothes.

“I thought we were training the newbies?” Bucky asks, pressing his flesh thumb onto the padlock of his locker as it turns from red to green.

“Nope. I said you and Steve were. I just got done working out. Got a mission later with Nat.” Clint informs, stuffing his boxing tape inside his locker before shutting it. “Besides. You guys are great history teachers too.”

Just then, Steve enters, chuckling at Clint’s words. “Really, Barton?”

Bucky huffs, shaking his head as he pulls off his coat and hangs it on the hook. “That joke’s old.”

“Yeah, like you.” Clint snorts, making Bucky turn slowly in a creepy yet terrifying manner. His fists clench by his sides as his nostrils flare with anger. But both Clint’s and Steve’s widened eyes and surprised expression cause confusion.

“What.”

“Your arm man.” Clint chuckles with excitement. Bucky looks down before interrupted by Steve.

“Congratulations!” Steve beams, wrapping Bucky in a bone-crushing embrace.

“What?” Bucky asks again, harsher than before. Steve pulls away, grabbing Bucky’s metal arm and showing him the magnets that spell out “u r a dad.”

“Wh-what.” Bucky stares at the magnets, his features turning light. His heart is racing and thudding incredibly fast to the point where it feels like it might give out. He re-reads the words, processing the information before seizing his phone from his back pocket, face-timing you.

Ring, ring, ri-

“Heeeeeey.” You grin, taking in Bucky’s flabbergasted expression as a hint. He knows.

“H-hi… Magnets? Really?” He laughs out, taking a seat before his feet decide to give out from under him. He had millions of emotions coursing through him right now.

“Yes!! I only had 24 hours.” You playfully pout, giggling as the butterflies return in your stomach.

“I love it... I love you.” Bucky blurts, laughing louder as he looks around the room. He can feel the tears forming in his eyes but he’s holding them back, knowing he needed a private moment with you. “Get your things. I’m coming down there. Can’t believe I’m going to be a dad!”

“No Buck. Stay- Jesus Christ, he hung up on me.” You chuckle breathlessly, leaning back in your seat.

You should have waited for the weekend because there was no way he’s going to let you out of his sight from now on.

Goodbye cheat days. 

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