#i apologize for everything i have ever posted

[6qubed]

fair enough, that's what I've been doing. and yeah, I did the bumper-sticker snappy comeback thing, which was not cool. apologies.

let's recontextualize. first point of order, every human is a human, be they man, woman, white, black, gay, straight, pick your fucking adjective. we're all humans. we're the same. that sounds fairly obvious on the face of it, but remember that dehumanization and othering- that "Us vs. Them" shit- are the tools of bigots; note what I said there, not fascists, bigots. we'll never truly be free of the taint of Godwin's Law, but we haven't gotten to them yet. not yet. soon, though. but back on track, this does respond to that thing you wrote; women and fascists are the same, because there is literally nothing separating them from any other group of humans on the planet. nothing that matters, anyway. (and if that thought pisses you off, hey it pisses them off too. one more thing y'all got in common)

second point, no person ever thinks of themselves as a "bad person". we're getting dangerously close to discussions of morality here (and I have a bias anyway because I'm an antinihilist and morality doesn't exist. neither does holiness, since you mentioned it) but my point is no person ever does "the wrong thing" on purpose. if they do, they either think they're being "wrong for The Right Reasons", i.e. telling those mormons that rocked up to your doorstep that you can't go to church with them next sunday because that's when you're hosting a gay satanic orgy, three things that a religious person would find objectionable and that's why you're saying it, or (and this is the dangerous one) they think they "didn't have a choice", i.e. that "look what you made me do" shit that a domestic abuser would say after she slapped her husband around for buying another woman flowers (his mother, for Mother's Day).

third point, building off the second, is that once a person's got it in their heads that they're a "victim" being "oppressed", it's real easy for anything and everything they do to be "protecting themselves and/or fighting back" and anything their "oppressor" does as "oppression". okay, let's go back to the fascists now: you've no doubt seen that "1488" dogwhistle that every dickhead tries to use to be "clever", right? ignore the 88 for a second; that 14 is a reference to "The Fourteen Words", a slogan for white supremacy. now consider what those fourteen words actually say. it's actually the first half of an entire slogan broken up by a comma: "We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children, because the beauty of the White Aryan woman must not perish from the Earth." do you see it? they think all that awful shit they've been doing this whole time is an act of protection. they think they're under attack. any act of cruelty they commit might be regrettable, on its face, but really in their minds they don't have a choice. because they're being oppressed. they're being run out of their homes, having their money and their jobs and their opportunities and their futures taken away, by their oppressors. hell you want a less dramatic example? remember all that fuss everyone was making years ago about "manspreading"? when Men's latest act of oppression against feminists All Women Everywhere was sitting comfortably on public transit? "How dare they take up Our Space! it's supposed to be for those who truly need it! what's next, Men in Women's bathrooms??"

there is nothing separating you from that. nothing makes you better. nothing makes you "special". and nothing makes you any different from me. or anyone else. nothing at all. the idea that you are somehow above that sort of thinking is a trap, and the minute you think that being harmed gives you justification for doing harm in return, you've fallen in. as for "just making jokes", well first of all go back and reread OP's posts, and second consider how burned you'd be or have been by men making "women jokes"

i see "men bad" jokes as very similar to suicide jokes. like making them every once in a while isn't the worst thing, but if you Keep making them constantly. it DOES shape how you start thinking and you WILL become a more unpleasant and bitter person and also make people around you uncomfortable. and sometimes you just gotta choose to not make or engage with certain jokes, even if they are amusing to you, because its just not who you wanna be

[munsonsmixtapes]

I'm Not That Girl

Fiyero Tigelaar x shy!fem!reader

summary: you think Fiyero is only flirting you to be nice because you're not the kind of girl he usually goes for, but he's more than eager to set the record straight when confusion arises

This is based on a comment made on this post by @cultish-corner!

Nothing but anxiety courses through you the second you step foot on campus. You don’t know anyone and are nothing but nervous to be in a new place with new people. That’s your worst nightmare, you think, as you walk throughout the campus to the suite you were assigned, you can’t help but feel like everyone is staring at you, but absolutely no one is paying you any mind as you make your way down the hallway, repeatedly looking down at the sheet you’ve received to make sure you have the right room.

This is the first time you’ve ever been away from home for an extended period of time and you hate that you already miss it. But you’re excited for a new adventure. Even though you’re nervous, you’re still looking forward to what your time at Shiz will bring you. You’re looking forward to a change.

You’re so focused on looking at the sheet that you’re not even looking when you bump into something, or rather, someone. The collision causes your things to fall out of your hands and onto the floor, causing the stranger to drop to their knees, picking it all up rather quickly before holding your suitcase and papers out to you, a flirty smile on his pretty face that you only see out of the corner of your eyes because you’re afraid of making eye contact with him. 

“Here,” he says, handing the paper to you, still holding onto your suitcase which confuses you.

“Oh,” you reply. “Thank you.” 

He’s easily the prettiest man you’ve ever seen and you can’t help but be distracted by his striking blue eyes that definitely have a very flirty glint in them. You immediately recognize him as the prince you had seen in the newspaper not too long ago, seeing that he’d transferred here. You know all about his reputation, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to speak to him. In fact, it makes you want to do it even more.

“It’s my pleasure. I am so sorry for my clumsiness,” he apologizes even though it was very obviously you who ran into him. “I guess I was just so distracted by your beauty.” You don’t care if it’s a line, it works, causing your cheeks to heat as you tuck your chin to your chest, not wanting him to see you. 

“My apologies,” he sticks his hand out and takes free one, causing you to finally look up at him and you’re captivated by his pretty, blue eyes. “Fiyero Tiglaar, Winkie Country,” he says as his lips press a soft kiss to the top of your hand. 

“I-I’m y/n,” you introduce yourself, your voice still too soft for your liking. 

“Y/n,” he repeats your name slowly, a flirty tone to it and you just know that he does this with everyone he comes across, but you hope, you pray that this is different. You want him to be flirting with you because he thinks you’re pretty, not because he can. “I think that might be my favorite name of all.” 

“Now, shall we?” He asks, moving to stand beside you, offering you his arm and you loop your own arm through it before he reaches over and grabs hold of your luggage. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, your voice so low that Fiyero is almost unable to hear you. 

“I’m going to walk you to your room,” he says with a bright smile, leading you down the hallway, everyone who’s around whispering as the two of you walk together. It’s no secret that he’s popular, how could he not be with his looks and charm? And seeing him with you, the shy, new girl will definitely stir up some rumors. 

Your room is just down the hall and even though he’s only just met you, Fiyero doesn’t want to leave you. He wants you to invite him inside where the two of you sit on your bed and get to know each other. He wants to know everything about you. He wants to know where you grew up, what your hobbies are, whatever you want to tell him because he likes the sound of your voice.

“We���ll, here we are,” he says, hesitantly removing his arms from yours as you step away before taking your suitcase back from him. “It was a pleasure.” He bows then stands there, almost like he’s waiting for something. 

“Here we are,” you repeat, wondering what it is that he’s wanting. He should at least be halfway down the hall by now.

“Tomorrow, you should sit with me in the dining hall. I’d really enjoy your company,” he smiles and you nod in response. 

“I’d really like that,” you tell him, still nodding, feeling a warmth creep on your cheeks as you do so. You don’t know why you take him so seriously. Guys like him don’t ever give you so much as a second glance let alone a lunch invitation. By tomorrow, Fiyero will forget all about you.

The hallway is quiet and empty when you sneak out of your room. You can’t sleep because of how nervous you are for your first day of classes. Especially since it’s a few months into the year and you’re the only new person. Everyone else has gotten the chance to know each other and you’re new. 

It’s taking everything in you not to pack up your stuff and leave so you don’t have to face anyone tomorrow. You don’t care if it’s dramatic or that you’re overreacting, it’s not like anyone will miss you anyway. You always seem to fade into the background no matter what’s going on and that’s the way you like it. You hate being the center of attention and know that it will distract you from your first day if everyone is staring at you. 

You close the door gently and turn around slowly, letting out a yelp as you see Fiyero leaning against the wall across from you. He’s in his pajamas so you’re led to believe that he can’t sleep either. And he can’t, but not for the same reason as you. He’s just not tired and that’s not uncommon for him. He often has trouble sleeping. But tonight, he’s hoping you’ll keep him company so he doesn’t have to go back to bed alone. 

He pushes off of the wall and steps over to you, moving slowly because he can see that he’s startled you. You take a step forward and he can’t help but stare at you, wondering what you’re also doing up so late. 

“What are you doing up?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing in both confusion and worry. He wants to reach for you, but he decides against it. If there’s going to be any touching, he wants you to be the one to initiate it. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you shake your head and he nods in understanding. His face softens and that infectious smile spreads across it. You can’t help but mimic him and that’s definitely something he could get used to seeing more often. 

“Me neither,” he replies then offers his hand out to you. “Would you like to go somewhere with me?” Go somewhere with him? You look this way and that to make sure there’s no one else he could possibly be talking to and he just laughs in response, a little too loudly for your liking. 

You step closer and press the palm of your hand to his lips to muffle his laughs and you both widen your eyes at your boldness. His eyes soften before yours do, more laughs spilling from his mouth as he pulls your hand away, holding it in his. 

“You’re going to get us in trouble,” you whisper to him and his laughs slowly turn into chuckles as he gives your hand a squeeze. 

“You need to relax,” he shakes his head. “And besides, trouble is my middle name.” You roll your eyes at his words and Fiyero really likes being able to more of your personality. “So,” he steps closer to you so that you’re toe to toe. “Are we going or what?” 

You’re not sure why, but you’ve found yourself to be at ease with him. He’s one of the only people who hasn’t had any problem with how shy and soft-spoken you are. He even seems to like it, not minding in the slightest having to get closer to hear what you have to say. In fact, he seems to prefer it.

“Yes,” you nod. “Let’s go.” 

“So you’re just going to blindly follow a man that you barely know to an unknown location where anything could happen to you?” He teases as he pulls you down the hallway and you never thought about it that way, and if it had been anyone else, maybe you would be worried, but not with Fiyero. “Well, y/n, I thought you knew better than that.” 

“And the same goes to you, Tigelaar,” you retort. “I could just as easily be as dangerous.”

“Somehow, I just don’t think that’s true. You’re far too sweet.” You hate that he’s right. It wouldn’t even cross your mind to hurt someone unless they made the first move. 

“You don’t even know me.” And he hates that he doesn’t. He hopes that in the coming weeks that you’ll be friends or maybe even more, but he knows the latter is probably just wishful thinking. 

“And that’s exactly why I invited you to join me tonight. I want to get to know you. It’s also the reason why I invited you to eat with me in the dining hall.” You’re confused now. You thought he was just trying to be nice. And now you feel terrible for even thinking that he wasn’t being genuine.

“You were serious about that?” Fiyero is quick to turn around to face you, hurt flashing across his face. And seeing the pain expression on yours is making him feel even worse. He thought that his intentions were pretty clear, but apparently he had been wrong. 

“O-of course I was serious. Why would I joke about that?” He’s leaning closer to you, taking your hands in his gently as he pulls you closer, wanting you to look him in the eyes when he speaks. “I invited you because I want to spend time with you, to get to know you. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any different,” he says as he pushes some hair away from your face. 

“I know it sounds silly since we’ve only just met, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since this morning.” The look in his eye is nothing but genuine and now you feel silly for thinking that he was anything but. 

“I thought it was just me,” you reply, your eyes lighting up. 

“No,” he shakes his head, leaning even closer to you as his hands move to rest in your hips, his eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort or hesitance. “Can I try something?” He asks in a whisper, his eyes shifting your lips and you think you know what he wants to try. 

“Yes,” you reply as your eyes flutter shut, feeling his breath fanning your face as he leans down and presses his lips to yours in a gentle kiss. Your arms wrap around his neck as he pulls you closer to him, responding to his kiss as your lips slot between his, moving with them as best as you can. 

Fiyero pulls away before you’re ready and pulls you a few feet before spinning you into him, pressing another kiss to your lips. He then takes you to the gardens where you spend the rest of the night, talking about everything and nothing between sweet kisses until the sun comes up. You think it’s needless to say that you’re really going to like it at Shiz.

[sailf1sh]

I am bored, so I'm posting my Zosan queer headcannons. Queer beam go 🏳️‍🌈✨✨

Zoro Gay/Asexual (He/him)

- Zoro likes what Zoro likes. There's never really been a time in his life where he's questioned his sexuality. He knows he likes men, and he knows he values a partner that's strong and capable. It's as simple as that to him.

- When he gets older and people start asking him about these things, does he finally learn there are labels for them. And again, he doesn't see it as any big thing to be worried about. He's focused on his dream, and relationships can come later.

- When he begins to like Sanji, he hesitates to do anything. He sees Sanji swoon over girls and simply makes the assumption that there would be nothing there. So he holds his tongue and moves on. Or at least tries to.

- There are times when he finds another person he likes, such as Luffy or even Ace. Ace leaves before anything could spark, and Luffy is very obviously not interested in anything romantic of the sort.

- He finds common ground with Nami, since she's in a similar boat to him. She will tell him how she misses Vivi and he will tell her about a stubborn cook. He finally finds a person to properly talk about sexuality with, something he didn't even realize was pretty nice to have.

- Eventually he settles on saying that he's gay and asexual. He doesn't exactly care about labels, nor does he know if these are the ones that perfectly fit him, but he decides that's the answer he'll give if someone asks.

- He knows he likes men, and he knows that he's not really interested in sexual activities. Not that he's revolted by them or won't participate in them at all, it's just not something he thinks about.

Sanji Bisexual/Gender Queer (He/She)

- Sanji is a mess of repression and internalized homophobia. He would never be homophobic to other queer people, but himself? There was no way he would ever be queer.

- He swoons for women and dotes on them, pushing any feelings for men so far down that he doesn't even recognize he even has them. When he meets Ace, that quickly changes.

- For the first time in his life, he properly questions his own attraction. He experiments. Only a touch though, because that voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like Judge berates him for it.

- So he continues to hide any of those feelings away for a very long time. It's only when he's sent to the Kamabakka kingdom and meets Ivankov that he can really learn to express himself. It takes a lot of running, fighting, and yelling for him to realize that maybe he likes men and maybe that's okay.

- He leaves Kamabakka with the knowledge that he's bisexual. He learned plenty of things about the different labels and identities and everything under the sun--he's bisexual. Nothing else to it.

- Of course, when he sees that stupid swordsman again, he maybe realizes he's harboring some kind of attraction for the man. Fine, he can be bisexual, but liking Zoro? That boar of a man? Absolutely not.

- But after everything that happened on Whole Cake Island and Wano, he realizes that maybe he doesn't want to hide his feelings anymore. He needs to apologize first, though.

Zosan

- After Wano, Zoro and Sanji finally sit down and talk. It's tense and awkward, because neither really knows what to do when it comes to liking the other.

- Zoro tells Sanji that he was hurt when he left for Whole Cake, not because of any sort of jealousy but because Sanji wouldn't ask for help. He tells him that he admires his strength and stubbornness, and that arguments maybe became something he enjoyed.

- Sanji tells Zoro how much he struggles to believe that he's loved. He explains that he's trying to be better and ask for help, but it's hard. He tells him that he wants to do better and try to let himself be cared for. He also may or may not say he likes the way Zoro's muscles look and how his chest looks very heavy maybe he should hold it--

- They decide to try whatever it is the two of them are. Sanji still swoons for women of course, that's just how he is, but Zoro doesn't mind. He knows at the end of the day Sanji wouldn't actually pursue anyone else. Sanji dotes on Zoro a bit more, always enjoying being able to take care of someone, and who is he to deny the opportunity to wash the swordsman's back after he trains?

- They never really hide their relationship, but it still takes a while for the crew to realize. It takes Ussop stumbling upon them kissing in the galley for the rug to really get pulled. Fanky insists on giving them a proper room, and he cleans up the first mate's quarters just for the two of them (which also gives him the idea to maybe ask Robin about doing something similar with the Captain's quarters, it's not like Luffy used it, after all).

- They were partners, on the battlefield and off. They bickered and they fought, but they also went to each other after a fight to make sure the other was okay. They would do the dishes together and sleep in the same bed. Sanji had a spot in the crows nest just for him: an open window with an ashtray for him to sit and smoke with his recipe book. Zoro had a place in the galley: a corner of the couch with the supplies to clean his swords beside it.

- Over time Sanji was able to talk about his childhood more, and more than once Zoro offered to go and remove a few Vinsmoke heads.

- It takes a long time, well into Zoro and Sanji's middle years, for Sanji to actually accept that maybe his gender isn't as solid as he thought. It takes a while, but again, he manages to accept this part of himself too. Sometimes he likes to wear dresses and feminine things, and that's fine. Sometimes he likes to be called girlfriend or lady or miss, and that's okay too. Zoro loves him no matter what.

- Long after the Once Piece is found, Zoro becomes the world's greatest swordsman, and Sanji finds the All Blue, the two have a wedding. It's a simple affair, and Sanji wouldn't have wanted it any other way. They invite their friends and family; Zeff, the Straw Hats, Mihawk and Perona (though Zoro still grumbles about them not actually being his family), even Law comes--mostly at Luffy's insistence. Reiju stops by for a few moments to congratulate them, but she doesn't stay long. Luffy is the one to actually wed them, this being one of the rare times that he gets serious about something.

- Afterwards there's a feast, one Sanji prepared of course. Zeff and Sanji bicker about recipes, but Zeff has tears in his eyes as he walks his child down the aisle.

- The rings--or rather the earrings--are one of Zoro's golden earrings and a blue pearl from the All Blue. They love each other deeply, and step into the future together.

[gumnut-logic]

We all love a piece of fanart. Art can communicate so much in just one glance.

But I would like to acknowledge that fanart can take aaaaages to create and the result can be glanced at and then it disappears into the depths of Tumblr if you don’t have the online storage to display it on Ao3.

So let’s take January and find all the art and reblog it like crazy. It doesn’t have to be yours, just make sure you are reblogging, not reposting, so the artist gets the credit they deserve. (More on reposting vs. reblogging below).

If you are an artist and you feel like using this month to tackle some works-in-progress or create some new art, go for it…I know I have a couple that need attention.

Tag with #FanartAM and #FanartAM2025

So, what art?

Pretty much anything!

Traditional

Digital

Photomanips

Gifs

Fanvids

Craft work

Fandom inspired works

Anything that has required visual creativity.

And when?

All of January 2025! Starting now (Nutty is sick so is a bit behind on everything, apologies).

This year, let’s just post whatever you want whenever you want. No topic restrictions, just reblog that art and celebrate our artists!

But I don’t create visual art!

Doesn’t matter! You can dig in by reblogging other artists’ art and showing your support. Or if you really want to create something and you are a writer, I certainly won’t object if you get inspired and write fic – or you could write a fic based on someone’s art (though you might want to check with the artist first if it is okay).

Reblogging vs. Reposting

This is a distinction that you must be aware of before going in. One is good, the other bad. If the art is on Tumblr, and connected to the original artist’s account, hit that magic reblog button and show your admiration.

If the art is on another platform outside of Tumblr, put a link in your post – NEVER EVER copy that piece of art and ‘repost’ it to your blog. We are Thunderfam. We can click on a link and visit an artist’s account. We can reblog that link easily to share. The art belongs to the artist and by copying it and reusing it, you are disconnecting the credit and the control from the artist – this is considered stealing. It is the same with fic – always link, never copy and repost.

This is basic netiquette, please conduct yourselves like the wonderful Thunderfam I know you are.

The Point

But anyway, the point of this exercise is to bring all that wonderful Thunderbirds (or other fandoms if you prefer) eye candy to the surface so we can all gaze upon it in appreciation, drool all over the artwork and show our amazing artists exactly how wonderful they are.

Nutty

(we did a fantastic job the last four years, let’s do this again and celebrate our artists :D )

[3liza]

long post about puzzling manifestations of White Woman Hair Standards

ok so i realize this is firmly in the realm of White Girl Complaints and i apologize for that. everything i'm describing here is white-on-white friendly fire from the white policing of Black hair and Black people get way more shit about this than i ever will (the history of hair texture's association in white culture with race is extremely complicated and i dont have time rn, but it's really interesting, look up "circassian beauties" sometime). i have the standard 3b-c curl pattern. when my hair is wet it forms ringlets, and then dries into ringlets, the Merida hair if you will, its a pretty common scottish gene. when i brush it out when it's dry, it looks approximately like this pre-raphaelite painting of Elizabeth Siddel. this was a common and even desirable hair texture in the 19th century for white women, and was imitated with curling irons and perms and beer rinses. this state of affairs continued roughly until the 90s, when straight--or if textured, very obviously rollered or curled with tools, never natural--became not only on-trend, but the only permissible hair texture to have in a professional environment. and now, if i go outside on the West Coast of the USA with my hair in the Elizabeth Siddel condition, it is like people have spotted a plague victim. we're talking audible and visible pointing and laughing on many occasions even as an adult, asking me if im wearing a wig, and every single person i talk to will either treat me observably worse than when my hair is straight, and/or have Something to Say About It, ranging from unsolicited advice about "conditioner" to asking me if im "okay". any rude question or comment you can think of that i had to answer with "no, this is just my hair. this is my normal hair when i havent spent three hours on it" has been directed at me when my hair is like the painting, including asking me about my racial background, sometimes just assuming/telling me i'm mixed race (white people LOVE to do this to each other)

i'm not sure what to attribute this to, exactly. it's obviously based in American racism, i'm just not sure how the switch happened from curly/frizzy hair being considered an "exotic" thing that was observed by white culture to be more common outside the white race but still expected to show up on white people now and then, to something that was considered a symptom of freakishness or cause for alarm. it seems to have happened suddenly in the mid 90s, because before then, youd see celebrities with frizzy spiral perms all over the place. i dont think Nicole Kidman has shown her natural hair texture outside her house since the late 80s

she has the same hair texture gene as i do, white australians are mostly scots-irish convict phenotypes like mine. she will appear in public with curls, but not natural ones, always roller sets/curling iron/blowout curls.

Natasha Lyonne is another public example of some texture being allowed through but its because she is always playing characters who are insane, "quirky", lesbian, drug addicts, or just profoundly weird. and even then 1. her natural hair is wavy, not curly and 2. it's still styled to death even if the styling is to make it "look" unstyled. Carol Kane is another one, again, she used to play leading girls in the 70s and 80s and then became a "weird cat lady" character actor in the 90s,partially due to age sure, but even in Kimmy Schmidt when she was supposed to have crazy cat lady hair they were still roller setting or two-strand twist setting it. it was not natural curl pattern, they had to straighten it and then recurl it to make it screen acceptable. even though this is her natural texture (2c-3a and some mixed ringlet/wave pattern, im guessing):

backcombed and scrunched a bit on the left, brushed out dry on the right (possibly with extensions, hard to tell)

and here's how they're presenting "crazy cat lady" in Kimmy Schmidt:

it actually started out longer and frizzier in the early episodes and they made it way more conservative as the show went on

i've been puzzling over this for years. between 1993 and 2010 i just sort of assumed it was lingering Aniston Effect and eventually other white people would stop bothering me about my hair, but the longer it goes on the more puzzling it is.

theres no appreciation for white girls with fucked up puffy frizzy hair anymore. we just sort of lost our way in the 90s and never found our way back out of the jennifer aniston torment nexus

[kirbysdreamlandd]

Hamzah takes you christmas shopping

Hamzah X Y/N, Fluff, SFW

Hamzah comes home on Christmas Day with a surprise—A whole day of shopping just for you.

Oof, I rushed to post this since it’s already New Year’s! Hope you all have a fantastic year ahead and enjoy this unproofread, late fic!

You were comfortably sat on your bed, fingers tapping on the keyboard of your laptop while your lilac Apple AirPods Max—so kindly gifted to you by Freddie Dredd—rested snugly over your ears, drowning out the world with a soothing mix of your favorite jazz songs.

In your hands was your “Out of Character” mug, its handle cracked and glued back together—a casualty of Hamzah’s infamous lack of attentiveness. The poor mug had met its fate during one of your kitchen debates over what to DoorDash, a conversation that had somehow spiraled into a messy, laughter-filled makeout session right there by the countertop.

Every time you held the mug, you couldn’t help but recall that memory: Hamzah half-apologizing between kisses, both of you too caught up in the moment to care about the loud crash behind you, and the mug shattering to pieces on the floor.

Hamzah had insisted on replacing it a with another. “We have millions of others in the warehouse.” But for you, this wasn’t just any mug. It was the one that had seen you through everything. From your first awkward visit to his apartment after a Hinge date, all the way to the day you packed up your tiny studio and moved into his house.

You both had ended up buying so many other mugs over time; ones with stupid sayings like “Mama Needs a Coffee” to match your equally ridiculous “Mama Needs a Blunt” shirts.

But no matter how many novelty mugs came and went, it was always that one “Out of Character” mug that ended up in your hands.

That piece of history was now filled with the hot chocolate you and Hamzah had lovingly prepared together that morning, the steam rising in soft spirals before meeting your lips.

That morning had been full of festive joy. You and Hamzah had spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, hanging each ornament turning into a competition for who had found the most ridiculous cringeworthy decoration at Walmart.

The free time after finishing up the Christmas decorating quickly became Hamzah’s excuse to pull off your matching set of pajamas. “What? I’m unwrapping my Christmas present.”

You smiled softly to the screen of your laptop, recalling Hamzah telling you at some point that this was the best Christmas he’d ever had. “I actually feel like I’m part of a family.” he had said. It wasn’t just about you two, it was about everyone: Mandy, Martin, and all the others who had made this Christmas feel complete for him.

You were so absorbed in your memories and hypnotized by the soft voice of Kali Uchis humming in your ears that you didn’t notice Hamzah returning from his trip to the store.

He started calling your name, the third time being when you finally heard the faint sound of his voice through your headphones. You quickly got up, pulling them off as you heard him make his way to the bedroom, still calling your name.

“Babe?”You raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you greeted him. “Hey, what’s all this?” you asked, nodding toward the bags.

Hamzah grinned, shifting the bags around in his arms. “Christmas presents for the kids. Got a little carried away when I encountered the toy isle.” He paused, setting the bags down making a heavy clunk.

You peeked into the bag, spotting a huge Lego set that seemed to be Spider-Man related.

“D’you think Martin’s gonna like it?” he asked, catching you eyeing the purchase. “Bought a similar one for Freddie.”

“Oh, I checked out that Kawasaki we saw the other day,” Hamzah continued, his voice a mix of excitement and hesitation. “The owner said it’s a custom motorcycle, so it’ll probably cost a fortune. It’s not worth it, man.”

After setting down the other bag, Hamzah walked over and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you tight into him. “I got a present for you, too.”

You tilted your head back to make eye contact, and for a moment you saw that usual smug expression on his face soften with sweetness.

“Hm? What is it?” you asked, your arms swinging around his hips. You couldn’t resist giving his butt a playful squeeze, but he immediately dodged it with a playful chuckle.

He grabbed your hand gently and placed it over his chest. “Me. I’m the present.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stop the playful scoff that slipped from your lips. His grin widened, and he giggled softly, still holding your hand, his fingers nearly intertwining with yours.

“I’m joking.” he added quickly and slowly pulling your hand from his chest, his grip firm as he moved it to the side.

You glanced down and noticed he was still wearing the pajama pants you’d bought him, the ones covered in little Santa Claus prints. The soft fabric clung to his legs, highlighting the shape of his thighs and emphasizing the curve on his crotch area.

“I know you wanna take these off me, girl.” he blurted. Your head snapped up caught in a guilty expression. “I’m sorry, but we’ve got things to do.” he said, his voice light and teasing, until his gaze flicked down to your outfit. He paused, his expression unreadable for a moment, and you suddenly felt a wave of self-consciousness.

Hamzah wasn’t usually one to critique your outfit choices. If anything, he always found a way to compliment your carefully chosen looks, especially if they incorporated his own clothes.

“You might wanna dress up.” he stated, his voice low, but his eyes betrayed the sharp flicker of desire as they lingered on the flushed mark on your collarbone and neck, a reminder of that morning’s passionate need for each other.

You couldn’t help but flash a flustered smirk, but quickly snapped back, wondering what in God’s name he meant by “You might wanna dress up.”

You watched as he pulled away to carry the bags away, completely unbothered by your utter confusion.

“What the fuck does that mean, Hamzah?”you asked, crossing your arms as his head shot up. “Where are we going?”

He smiled, giving a smug yet amused look. With his hands now free, he fished his wallet out of the pocket of his hoodie.

“I’m splurging on you, babe.” he said casually, flipping his wallet open. Neatly stacked credit cards glinted under the light, and a Polaroid of the two of you awkwardly touching tongue tips in a photo booth peeked out from the folds.

You continued to stare at him, waiting for the punchline, unsure if this was still part of his joke. But his expression remained genuine, his smile softening into that familiar playful look Hamzah wore when he was truly happy.

“Come on, I’m taking you to wherever you want.” he said, walking toward you with a playful grin. “I know you like the matching PJs, but you’ve got to wear a lot more than that. It’s below freezing out.”

As he veered off to greet the cats with an exaggerated, high-pitched voice in response to their meows, you stood in the hallway for a moment before retreating to the bedroom. Your laptop still displayed the test you’d been taking. You closed it with a soft click, unknowingly letting out a relieved sigh.

Rummaging through your closet, you pulled out a long-sleeved black top and a comfy black silk skirt, simple but elegant. To keep warm, you layered on a fuzzy coat and wrapped a red scarf snugly around your neck.

For the final touch, your hand hesitated for a moment before reaching for the red lacey tights—the ones Hamzah always said made you look “like a sexy office siren”. A small smirk tugged at your lips as you slipped them on, pairing them with sleek black heels that completed the look.

You gave yourself a look in the mirror. The outfit was bold, a little outside your usual comfort zone, but that was part of the fun. You loved dressing up for dates; not just for the way it made you feel, but for Hamzah’s inevitable amazed reaction and silly comments every time you jokingly runway model-walked to him.

When you walked back into the hallway, his reaction was immediate. He paused mid-sentence, one hand still extended toward a cat that had been nuzzling him, and his eyes widened slightly before a lopsided grin spread across his face.

“Damn.” He said adjusting his beanie while attentively scanning your whole body. His gaze darted quickly, from your face to your chest, down to your legs, and back to your face before lingering there, his lips parting slightly as if he wanted to say more was left speechless.

“Blue got your tongue?” you teased, twirling around playfully, letting the silky skirt flare out slightly.

His only response was a breathless laugh, shaking his head as if to snap himself out of it, but his dark widened eyes were still glued to you.

You sauntered over, the click of your heels echoing in the hallway, and leaned in close. Pressing a soft kiss to his jaw, leaving behind a faint red lipstick mark.

“Girl, I want you to get my tongue.”He teased, laughing softly, before his hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer just as you tried to pull away. Your faces were inches apart now. His eyes flicked down to your lips, a hungry look quickly growing in his pupils, as if the red lipstick unlocked a new craving in him.

But before he could lean in for the kiss, you broke away, giggling, leaving him standing there with his lips slightly parted. You grabbed your bag, a mischievous smile tugging at your lips as you made your way toward the door.

-

The mall was alive with the chatter of couples picking out Christmas gifts, the soft clinking of cash registers blending with the festive music playing. Despite the cold air that that clung to your fuzzy coat when you’d stepped inside, the warmth of the mall enveloped you, Hamzah’s presence beside you only adding to the coziness.

You couldn’t help but notice the way his gaze would occasionally flicker to your outfit. How his lips curled into that knowing smile, along with the same teasing glint in his eyes.

Hamzah inisisted on getting you the chocolate-covered strawberries you’d been eyeing every time you passed the food stalls. The vendor, grinning at Hamzah’s excitement, threw in a jar of pistachio cream and even offered a Christmas-themed spoon for free, saying that Hamzah was “doing the right thing by spoiling his lady”.

Your next stop was a cute pink store filled with Hello Kitty and other Sanrio gadgets. You picked out a few skincare products, making sure to grab some that could be shared between you two. Hamzah had a habit of stealing your moisturizers anyway, so it only made sense. When he showed you the cherry-scented lip balm, bejeweled with tiny Hello Kitty figures, you couldn’t help but tease him. “Yeah, you could use some of that too.” Then you found yourself rummaging through Hello Kitty blind boxes, your hands practically trembling with excitement. You had to complete the collection, and Hamzah simply shook his head as you grabbed a handful of them.

“It’s an obsession” he muttered, the familiar reference slipping from his lips before he sighed dramatically. “I miss Martin.” he added, the usual remark he weaponized to draw your attention back to him.

The next stop was a high-end boutique, the kind brimming with luxurious fabrics and well-dressed staff who hovered nearby, ready to pounce on you the moment your gaze lingered on anything, ready to recommend the priciest item in the store.

Though your first reaction was to scoff at the price tags, Hamzah was relentless, insisting you try on a couple of dresses. You hesitated at first, but once you stepped out of the fitting room, you couldn’t help but notice how his eyes widened along with a bright smile.

You ended up buying two dresses, each one serving a different vibe but equally gorgeous to you.

The first dress was a chic, long-sleeved design, its soft fabric and delicate details perfect for the cottagecore look you liked. The way it hugged your figure and complimented your features made you feel like you were stepping out of a Pinterest board. As you twirled in front of the mirror, the airy fabric flowing around you, Hamzah’s voice cut through the fantasy you were immersing yourself in.

“Nara Smith can move over,” he said, his eyes wide, pointing at you and pretending to talk to an imaginary audience. “This is the perfect trad wife.”

Then came the second dress, a complete contrast. It was a lacy, see-through, short dress that had you questioning how you’d even find the occasion to wear it. It clung in all the right places and left little to the imagination, with a daring open back framed by pearly curtains. The moment you walked out, Hamzah’s face shifted from playful to serious as he quickly stood up, his hand instinctively reaching to shield you as you turned.

As you passed the sneaker store, a couple of pairs caught your eye. Shoes that matched some of the items on Hamzah’s wishlist. The temptation was too strong, so you subtly steered him inside. He hesitated, but you were persistent, convincing him to try on a few pairs making him walk around the aisles a few times.

“Are you sure they fit well?” You asked worried, follwing Hamzah awkwardly pacing up and down the aisle.

“Yes, mom.” He plopped back on the chair with an exaggerated scoff, while you leaned down to press on the tip of the shoe, making sure that there was enough space for his toes.

After much deliberation, he finally settled on a pair of black metallic shoes, admiring them with a satisfied look on his face. As you both approached the cashier, he fumbled for his wallet. You quietly handed over your card as the cashier processed the purchase, a small smile exchanged between you and the employee behind the desk while Hamzah continued make small talk, oblivious to the transaction happening right in front of him.

Once the bag was handed to him, you made your way out of the store, giggling to yourself about the little secret you held from him.

The mall had completely drained both of you, the energy spent on shopping, teasing, and trying on clothes leaving you feeling more tired than you’d expected. You both ordered two caramel macchiatos at the Christmas-y looking coffe shop and made your way back to the parking lot.

Hamzah’s tired smile, the smell of coffee, and the undeniable Christmas spirit that seemed to be everywhere around you ignited in you a calming serenity.

The warm AC hummed through the car as Hamzah turned the key, the motor rumbling to life. The car’s screen lit up, and the soft, jazzy tones of “Santa Baby” by Laufey spilled through the speakers.

“Oh my god, the spirit of the Christmas is here, literally.” Hamzah said, faking a surprised expression while extending a hand towards the screen.

“Santa, if you’re hearing me, please bring Hamzah that Kawasaki he’s always wanted.” you said, glancing at him with a playful smirk as he chuckled, steering the wheel with one hand.

Little did he know, his beloved motorcycle was waiting for him in the garage, tied up with an exaggeratedly big red bow and a red lipstick-stained note resting on top of it.

[tgrailwar-zero]

Happy New Year!

There's not much for me to say here that I didn't already say here.

As always, I'm grateful and I hope you have a Happy New Year! No polls, but I do have something that I felt like sharing under the cut.

This was a blurb I wrote when I was considering doing small 'interludes' between party members. Stuff that wouldn't be seen by you 'in canon', but still viewable just for the sake of expanding relationships and everything. I hadn't decided whether to post it or not, and I still felt like I needed to clean it up and fill things in, but I figured it would be worth posting as-is. It was good for me while I was trying to figure out character voices, but I wasn't sure if it would be entertaining to actually read, so I never actually posted it.

This was the 'stimulating conversation' that Constantine and Ner referenced having in the baths here. It's about 4-5 pages of text that's mostly idle discussion and some attempts at character study... but, well, if you're into that sort of thing... have at it. If not, there's a cut for a reason.

Either way, hope you all have a very Happy New Year.

@lapithae

His Masters told him to rest, and Nero was going to the baths. He didn’t have a long day that he felt needed any sort of reprieve, but he didn’t know when he’d get a chance to bathe like this again. So, he accompanied her.

There wasn’t any real embarrassment there. Public bathing was a rather common occurrence for both of them, though said baths being unisex was culturally in a state of ebb and flow. However, when it came to personal opinions on the matter, he was closer to ‘ebb’ and she was much closer to ‘flow’.

They both sank into the water, letting the steam wash over their exposed forms. Nero, as perceptive as ever, broke the ice.

“You have concerns about our contractors.”

“How do you figure?” His tone sounded a bit more defensive than he would have liked.

“Your thoughts read plainly across your face.” The Rose Emperor said, looking upwards towards the ceiling. “You are a man of rumination.”

Constantine’s eyes narrowed slightly, before he sighed. She did, despite the tactlessness of the statement, have a point. It was how he was raised, and how he ruled. Deep consideration before action, paying close attention to the behavior of others before making a move himself. One didn’t win at chess by blindly moving pieces, after all.

There was strength to rumination, to contemplation, to thinking through things.

“Constantinus.” Nero said, clearly about to make a point, though her voice was slowly growing more muted to his ears.

‘Constantinus’.

That was the name she preferred to use for him. He had bothered to correct her before- the Latin pronunciation of his name wasn’t the one he had used as an Emperor. The Byzantines spoke Greek, so he was ‘Konstantinos’, even though by right they were also considered ‘Roman’. He hadn’t thought there was anything odd with that, not now and not then. Languages changed, cultures changed, kingdoms changed. Things changed, as the world spun.

The ‘ebb and flow’ of life, he presumed.

‘Constantine’ was a nice middle ground, in his opinion. It was… modern. There was just a twinge less responsibility clinging to it. 

“Constantinus.” Nero repeated, her voice filled with just a hint of impatience. He blinked, looking over and across at her, as she folded her arms across her chest. “You’re ruminating again.”

“I was just thinking.” He replied, “But I apologize, I wasn’t listening. What were you saying?”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. She had always tied it so neatly, so seeing it loose and practically enveloping her in the water seemed like an impeccably rare sight.

“As Emperors, we are to devote ourselves to the common people. However, that does not mean we owe the common people anything.” She began, “Our empire is the great stage, and those that live within it are our audience. We perform, but we do not deign.”

He remained silent, his eyebrows raising slightly, a quiet gesture prodding her to keep talking.

“Meaning,” She continued, “if you have concerns about our summoners and their path, then perhaps the issue has to do with your pride. Our Ensemble may be foolish, but I do not contract myself with people that I believe are lacking potential. They cannot be ‘unworthy’, because of that fact.”

The logic was simple, though the soundness was based entirely in arrogance. One could not contract a Roman Emperor unless they were worthy, because a Roman Emperor would not debase themselves to be contracted to someone beneath their own worth.

“Tell me, do you think you're beneath the imperium?”

Now that was a tricky question. He wondered how his other antecessors would have answered. Perhaps a loud, resounding ‘No’- the strength of voice and mind that defined one as an ‘Emperor of Rome’. He must have hesitated for longer than Nero expected, her lips slowly turning into a half-smile as she closed her eyes.

“...I see. I apologize for asking, Constantinus. Perhaps something other than your imperial nature called you to them, then.”

Something else, then.

He remembered when he was first called. Alone, but called. His chest burned, his heart ached, his brain was addled. He almost felt like he had to throw up- like he had to vomit that confusion, heartache, and anger.

Then, reason took over. He blew away the fog of the confusion, attempted to analyze the heartache, and…

…And he swallowed it down, that anger. His anger. That raging Greek fire that stained his soul. That’s what he did. He let it simmer in his chest.

He kept that to himself, closing his eyes pensively.

The bath fell into awkward silence. Awkward for him, at the very least. Nero seemed like someone devoid of shame, someone who didn’t allow ‘awkward silences’ to occur, at least on her end. His eyes trailed to the ceiling, while he idly heard her legs kick in the water.

She didn’t seem like the type that liked silence in any capacity.

Which meant that the silence did get to her. Her eyebrow twitched, before she squinted at him. She held out her hands, positioning her fingers like a picture frame before nodding.

“You have a nice physique.” She said, abruptly.

“...Where did that come from, Antecessor Nero?”

“You are sculpted in Rome’s image. Strong marble, that can weather the sands of time without eroding. You are resilient, which is why you fear that they are not.”

“Hm.”

His brow furrowed, his fingers drumming on the edge of the bath as he thought.

Fear seemed like an exaggeration. He was concerned, yes. It wasn’t to say that the ones who contracted him weren’t resilient, they had been through a great deal of hardships in a short amount of time. However… there were so many questions, so many things that he didn’t know. So many pieces that existed on the chessboard, but that he couldn’t see.

He heard Nero clear her throat, as he glanced in her direction. She was standing now, her fully nude form laid bare before him. Hands on her hips, clearly expecting a compliment.

“I see Rome in you as well, Antecessor.”

“Ahh! Such a thing is obvious, but that makes me very happy regardless!”

She splashed back down in the bath, beaming. After her excitement faded, her bright grin faded into something a bit more sensitive.

“They care about your opinion, you know.”

“My memories as that ‘Beast’ are fleeting as well… however, I promised them power. Greatness. Strength to accomplish their goals without difficulty. An easy path, with scorched roads and bloodshed. And despite it all, they denied me. As an Emperor, it vexes me a bit, but… well, I am happy that they did so.”

She chewed on her lip, briefly, her gaze drifting past him and somewhere else.

“...And yet, they endeavored to reach an understanding with the ‘irreconcilable me’.” She continued. “It would have been an impossible path, but the fact that they tried gave such a path shape.”

“And all I was considering was cutting you down.”

Nero shrugged. “I would not blame you. You wouldn’t be the first.”

“But if I had killed you back when you first manifested, we wouldn’t be here now. My instincts were wrong.”

“...I would not call you instincts ‘wrong’, but you are correct. If things had been different, we would not be here, together, enjoying this bath. And for that, we should be grateful, yes?”

He sat up a bit, the water lightly splashing around him. “Grateful?”

“Mm.” She smiled, “If our contractors, my Ensemble, were not foolish enough to unleash my bestial self, not fully follow your instincts yet still pursue my demise, and have pity for that dark wretched shadow of mine… I would not be here enjoying these baths! Thus,” She boomed with  a laugh, throwing her head back. “Thus, I must be grateful!”

He groaned with a half smirk, sliding back into the baths, letting the warmth surround him and allowing his muscles to relax for the first time. Grateful, she said. Grateful for mistakes, grateful for reward, grateful for pleasures both lasting and fleeting. She had died, a part of her at least, but now she was sitting back and loudly laughing about being grateful for it.

Grateful from moment to moment. 

Pleasure to pain, and pain to pleasure.

The ebb and flow of it all.

[theghostofashton]

2024 fic roundup

a bit late but thank you @heartstringsduet @bonheur-cafe @whatsintheboxmh @henrygrass

@alrightbuckaroo @carlos-in-glasses @reyesstrand @paperstorm for the tags!! <3

gives me shelter (4k)

“Carlos, if this is what we do every year, stay in and eat takeout and watch bad reality tv, that’s enough,” TK continues. “It’s more than enough for me, to know you’re okay. Okay?”

now i wake up by your side (17.5k, sequel to you saw the truth in me)

Carlos has given him everything, and he still can’t manage to get over himself. “Do you think that’s fair?” “To Carlos?” he sniffs, rubbing roughly at his eyes. “’Course not. He deserves better.” “To you, TK,” Sara says. or, three years in the future, tk decides to introduce carlos to the world.

brave enough (2.5k)

With everything that’s happened, Marjan isn’t sure it’s the best idea she’s ever had, but she wouldn’t change it. The trip gave her answers to questions she’s not even sure she was consciously asking before she left. “I’m really happy you’re okay,” Nancy says tearfully, once she’s sat back down. “I don’t know we would’ve done if we–” She pauses, and shakes her head. “If I’d lost you.” Marjan reaches for her hand again. “I would’ve done anything to come home to you,” she whispers, and the words feel unabashedly good coming out of her mouth.

as if you needed a reason (4.4k)

“Thank you. TK told me what you said. It means a lot.” Marjan shrugs. “It wasn’t anything crazy. I knew you wouldn’t just up and ghost him out of nowhere.” “I wouldn’t.” He sighs, shaking his head. “Just… been a difficult few weeks, I guess. I don’t blame him for thinking I would.” “I think TK knows you better than that,” she offers softly, and he can’t help but wonder if she actually believes it. She knew him, better than that, and he’s still not sure why. or, carlos goes to thank marjan

to begin again (8.4k, cowritten with @sanjuwrites)

When they finally get to the parade, Carlos feels himself stop. The rest of the group continues forward, but he stands there and just stares, at the confetti and the glitter and the color, so bright, but the furthest thing from blinding. “Baby?” A hand presses to the small of his back, and he feels TK slot in beside him. “I’m okay,” he says softly. “Sorry, I just–” “You have nothing to apologize for, babe,” TK says, and when Carlos looks at him, his eyes are shiny too. “Beautiful, right?” Carlos nods. “It never gets old,” TK whispers. or, 5 times carlos felt uncomfortable with being gay in texas, and one moment of pride

fill the empty spaces (1.2k)

He wonders, sometimes, if TK has a sixth sense, and if it’s knowing. Sending a text when Carlos is in the worst mood, calling right as Carlos’s day goes south. Taking Carlos’s hand when they’re out in public and the world gets too loud, for a second. Reminding Carlos of his presence, despite everything. Carlos doesn’t know if TK realizes how easily the seas calm when he’s around. Even if he doesn’t know, it’s like he can tell. Has some indescribable sense that something is off, that Carlos needs him. or, promises are kept

must be fireproof (2k)

The worry vanishes – as it always does – the moment Tommy’s door opens, the moment her voice sounds and his husband walks into the room behind her, tired-looking, but so unspeakably beautiful. Carlos will never believe his luck. “Hey babe,” he breathes, wraps arms around TK and squeezes him tight. His body is warm against Carlos’s, the material of his jacket soft under Carlos’s fingers. He rubs TK’s shoulder and feels him sigh into him. TK buries his face in his neck, and for the first time all day, Carlos feels right. a 5x03 coda

when fate cries (67k, ongoing)

An ACL tear, the statement posted a couple days later had read. Carlos would need immediate surgery, and obviously – he would not compete for the USA in London. TK, still coming off the thrill of being named to the team himself, hadn’t been sure how to feel. Carlos had always trained in Texas, and he in New York, so they rarely crossed paths outside of competitions. That’s why he was looking forward to being on the team with him, so sure it was guaranteed. It was practically a given among every coach he talked to. Carlos was a lock. It felt weird to celebrate. Wrong, almost. Carlos should have been with him. They’d both been working for this their entire lives. three years later, the road to rio brings with it far more than redemption

no strings (1.9k)

“I’m going to start cutting back,” Carlos says. “I want to be home more.” “Carlos…” TK starts, and then trails off, not sure what to say, because he wants that, more than anything, but he also knows how important this case is. He knows what all of this means to Carlos, and he would never want to take that from him, but he also knows that he hasn’t been this worried in a very long time. Life lately feels like they’re living it in limbo, like it could all come crashing down at any second. He needs it to change. “Every second I get with you is a gift,” Carlos insists, before he can continue. They’re the strongest words he’s said this whole time. “And I’m done wasting it.” 5x05 spec

a light in the dark (4.1k)

“I love you,” he whispers, even though he knows Carlos can’t hear him. Maybe he does. Maybe it makes it to him, in his dream, wards off a brewing nightmare. He hopes so. It’s hard to believe he almost lost this. Hard to wrap his head around just how close he came to an alternate reality where he’s lying in an empty bed, his entire world pulled out from underneath him. His entire world. TK looks at Carlos in the darkness, tears burning at the corners of his eyes. He brushes their intertwined hands against Carlos’s chest, his knuckles running up against the bandage they wrapped all the way around Carlos’s abdomen, and has to bite his lip to keep from letting out a sob.

coming in 2025 (currently)

grief group au - carlos is a librarian grieving his father's recent death, tk runs a grief support group at the library he works at.

olympics au conclusion - i will finish this asap y'all, i promise. half of it is done, just need to wrap up the other half.

possibly another 5x09 coda - carlos tells andrea about bridges

exes to lovers - don't have anything definite for when, but i can say that this fic is definitely happening next year

leaving an open tag for anyone who wants to share!

[brokentoys]

The notes on this is absolutely insane and it's really telling why the RPC is "dying" or not as "active" as it once was. Some people say the RPC isn't as active because it's a manner of "being busy" now because we're all ✨adults✨ I think it's more so what this community has become.

Was the RPC perfect? No. It never was. There used to be a stew of anon hate going around (and sometimes, still does) but it is getting to the point where it's full of backstabbers, and people that will run you off the site -- people that will create drama and lies (or take things out of context) while claiming they're doing it for a "good reason" because you uhh wrote something they didn't like or you had a falling out with them or you write with someone they loathe or they're just insecure and jealous of you.

And I'm not even talking SUPER dark themes either (like incest or rape) you can write anything even slightly controversial, and someone (or even MULTIPLE people) will condemn you for it. I'll never forget when I wrote a post of my teenage muse saying it's normal for dads to hit their kids ('cos that's what he experienced) and sb OUT OF CHARACTER made a vague post IMMEDIATELY saying "bad post op" (deleted it after i pointed out that I'm not my damn muse)

Or even on this blog, I've talked about how I've experienced people getting legit angry at ME because my muse is a jerk and it somehow hurt their feelings OOC. How I've had people unfollow me because our threads had (gasp) conflict, and my muse often argued or insulted theirs.

Hellll, I've had times when ppl got mad or "uncomfy" at me when I write smut threads. One time I only had 2 smut threads at a time and someone messaged me saying "err. feels like sexualization." (it was literally just vanilla smut too lmaooo) I've had ppl get mad at me ooc because I've said a very minor thing in dms. (like one time sb followed me and had triggers listed in their rules that conflicted with my blog, and when I pointed that out they were like "so? i'm not asking you to censor your muse" even tho... i' mjust.... i'm just curious as to WHY someone with such triggers would follow my blog)

Even anons are scared now! I've noticed anons are becoming more scarce, and they're quick to apologize if they think they've done anything wrong. Which i don't blame them. I've seen ppl actively get furious with harmless anons. I've seen ppl call them annoying or even assholes because these anons sent msgs commenting on their threads *in character*. When it's like, if you don't like an anon? Just delete it. Like no WONDER why everyone's struggling to write with ANYONE in this community anymore when it's so so aggressive now.

When you feel like you HAVE to be constantly walking on eggshells, and that all your threads are just "no conflict ever! :) our muses are happy and everything goes well all of the time and we all love each other and we never hurt each other or say anything bad!! :)" Then yeah... people will get desperately bored of this hobby. Especially on this website.

I recently found a blog from 2012 that I once wrote with. Twelve years ago when I first started roleplaying on Tumblr. It was an adult fandom with heavy adult themes. We used language that's 'unacceptable' today, we wrote plotlines that are easily 'cancelled' today, we spoke to each other only through Tumblr asks and fanmail (remember that??). Going through the blog, I had a wave of nostalgia and happiness like I've not had in a long time. The comradery and goofy plots, not one person bothered by the mad shit we wrote. For me, that was the best time in roleplay. I know that there were a few rotten apples and I know that discord and IM are great for active plotting and communication. But back then, things were just different. You wrote on the fly and you wrote in character which prompted you to think on your feet more and wing more plots. The only partners you spoke to ooc were the ones who you really grew close to. You didn't just blindly add every partner on social media. You weren't worried about what you posted because people didn't care back then about words - it was much harder to offend people then as it is now. I miss those days so desperately and when it comes to rp, what I wouldn't give to experience that fandom and that feeling once more. It can't ever be recaptured unfortunately, but it was heart warming to see a little reminder of it. Wherever you are now, writing partner from twelve years ago in a small, numbered title of a popularish game series, I hope you're doing well and thank you for the memories.

[dukeofthomas]

why does every reconciliation fic go like this

[pinkeoni]

The Big AIDS Metaphor Post

In her essay "Why Are Americans Afraid of Dragons?" from her book The Language of the Night: Essays of Fantasy and Science Fiction, science-fiction and fantasy writer Ursula K. Le Guin writes—

"The use of imaginative fiction is to deepen your understanding of your world, of your fellow men, and your own feelings, and your destiny."

It would be easy for me to claim that Stranger Things is a show that utilizes its science-fiction elements as an AIDS metaphor, but that only goes so far without being able to prove that the show is in fact employing said metaphor. "The show takes place in the 80's -> AIDS was a big part of the 80's -> therefore the show is about AIDS" isn't an airtight argument in itself. I can quote famous sci-fi writers all day but that still wouldn't prove that the Duffers themselves are actually following similar trains of thought.

So here's my big long post about why the show is utilizing it's science-fiction elements as an AIDS metaphor.

Lengthy discussion of rape, violent homophobia and drug use below the cut.

A Brief History of HIV/AIDS in America

For those not in the know about HIV/AIDS, and in order to all get on the same page, here is a short recap. For my information, I will be this timeline from hiv.gov as well as this timeline created by History Channel, as well as some of the supplemental hyperlinks provided. Any other sources I use will be linked throughout.

HIV, or human immunodeficiency virus is a virus that attacks the body's immune system, making it highly susceptible to infection and cancers. The virus can progress to a more severe version of the infection, acquired immunodeficiency syndrome or AIDS. The virus spreads through bodily fluids such as semen and blood. The most common ways for HIV/AIDS to spread was through unprotected sex and sharing needles while using drugs.

The initial cases of HIV were present in America in the 70's but become much more rampant starting in the early 1980s. Because cases of AIDS were most commonly seen in gay and bisexual men, there was a large misconception that AIDS was a "gay plague" or a "gay disease" as it was nicknamed. By 1984, 3,500 Americans had died from AIDS related illnesses.

The reason that AIDS epidemic got as deadly as it did is often attributed to the Reagan Administration's failure to act, something that President Reagan denied. Reagan would not publicly acknowledge AIDS until 1985, despite U.S. health officials being aware of AIDS since 1981.

Understanding just how entrenched this metaphor is in the story will include going through each season and examining in detail how each one plays into this metaphor.

Season One: Establishing Metaphor & Government Cover Up in Early Years of Epidemic

The AIDS metaphor is most closely connected with Will's storyline, although it's not exclusive to Will nor is his storyline exclusive to AIDS. Furthermore, the supernatural elements of this show are multifaceted. AIDS is but just one of the metaphors expressed in the show, but for the sake of this post it's what I will be focusing on.

The setup begins following Will's disappearance in episode 1, when Joyce introduces Will's queer coding to us.

By 1983 the terms "gay disease" and "gay cancer" had been in the public vocabulary for a couple years now. So when Joyce brings up his queerness in regards to to his disappearance in a show that takes place in the early 1980s, there is a subconscious correlation that can be made in the watchers mind. His sexuality is significant to the why he went missing, otherwise why bring it up?

We then hear through Troy exactly what the town believes happened to Will.

I think that Troy essentially being a mouthpiece for his father is significant to show that Troy's beliefs are not exclusive to him and they do not exist in a vacuum. Troy's homophobia is a product of his environment, which includes his home and by extension, Hawkins.

The specification that Will was killed by "some other queer" adds another layer under the surface of Troy's statement, one that implies that Will was raped before he was kill, otherwise, again, why bring up sexuality in the first place? This was the attitude toward gay men— they rape and kill little boys.

In early 1984, there was a study conducted by the American Journal of Medicine to trace the sexual partners of a cluster of patients with Kaposi Sarcoma, one of the common cancers that killed AIDS patients. The study identified a flight attendant as "Patient O" who was among the first to exhibit symptoms of HIV/AIDS and had a rather active sex life with a multitude of sexual partners. The study was soon misconstrued by the public to claim that there was a Patient Zero who was "a promiscuous or even malicious gay man who single-handedly and knowingly touched off the AIDS pandemic in the United States."

Another crucial factor of the metaphor is the cover-up and blame shifting from the government lab, the exact thing that allowed the problem to escalate and become as deadly as it did to begin with. In the early years of the epidemic, Reagan slashed the budget of public health agencies like the CDC, and it would be years until he ever made a speech about it let alone even mentioned AIDS publicly.

We see how adamant the lab is to cover up any supernatural involvement with Will's disappearance in an attempt to cover their own asses. Framing his death as an accident was their call, all while being acutely aware of what the actual problem was. This confrontation from Joyce to Brenner puts it pretty aptly.

Tangent About Barb

This AIDS metaphor is something that I thought of when I first watched the show back in 2016 (humble brag) but what tipped me off the most wasn't Will or the lab but it was the fact that Barb was the other victim shown.

Barb's queer coding was clear to everyone and their mother. Hell, there's even a joke about it in the Bad Lip Reading of the first season. Barb, Nancy's short haired female friend who takes issue with Nancy's new relationship and has a hard time fitting in with with all of the heterosexual antics of Steve's house party. She's singled out, and while the rest of the gang get to casually enjoy the pleasures of sex, while Barb, another member of the queer community, sadly loses her life. The show cuts between Nancy having sex with Steve with Barb being killed to emphasize this stark contrast.

Season Two: Personal Effects of HIV/AIDS & Social Stigmatization

Season one was surrounding Will while not really showing us much of his pov, but season two dives right in to his perspective.

So, remember when I talked earlier about how Troy, and by extension the town, believed that Will was raped? Well, he wasn't exactly wrong.

This moment wasn't lost on me when I originally watched the show, although I think I ignored the implications because I didn't want to believe what I was seeing. But it's pretty well spelled out— A long, tentacle-like organ used for the sake of reproduction (Will "births" D'Art as a result of this), is inserted inside of Will's mouth without consent.

It's been a year, and Will is still dealing with the trauma of what happened, along with all of these new changes to his life. Will frequently attends doctors appointments at the lab, where the lab themselves aren't completely confident what is happening with him either.

When cases of HIV/AIDS were first appearing in the U.S., health officials were unclear as to what exactly this virus was and how it worked, only that clusters of otherwise healthy gay men were suddenly developing rare and aggressive infections and cancers.

Owens refers to the spread of the Upside Down very clinically— describing it as some cancer. One of the first articles published about HIV/AIDS in America before more information was known was a New York Times article titled "Rare Cancer Seen in 41 Homosexuals." The cancer the headline refers to being Karposi Sarcoma, the rare skin cancer developing due to their weakened immune system.

HIV/AIDS in itself isn’t the disease that patients die from, but instead the weakened immune system allows for diseases to take over the body without much defense. After his visit to the Upside Down, Will faces a series of “True Sight” visions as Mike puts it, which allows for a destructive foreign entity to invade Will's body and slowly take it over.

HIV.gov lists the following as some of the symptoms of AIDS:

"Rapid weight loss"

"Profuse night sweats"

and "Memory loss"

To the government agents in the lab, we see just how disposable Will is to them. In their words, if it kills him, it kills him. (thank you to @emblazons for being the one to point this out to me)

Owens may have held more concern for Will, but he still continues the government cover-up started by Brenner in season one. We also see the fallout of Barb's death, with Nancy and Jonathan fighting to uncover and reveal the truth. Owens is the one who tries to put a stop to their exposé of events to Barb's mom.

Not only is Will facing trauma and his body being ravaged by this new illness, but he's also facing social stigmatization, something common among gay men with positive HIV statuses at this time. There seemed to be some sympathy from the townsfolk when Will was missing and presumed dead, yet he faces animosity almost seemingly because he came back.

The "Zombie Boy" Nickname

I once made a whole separate post about this, but Will's "Zombie Boy" nickname from season two fits in with this AIDS metaphor.

On a surface level, the nickname is in reference to the fact that Will seemed to come back to life despite having a funeral and being buried. In a literal sense, however, his peers are quite literally referring to him a walking corpse that spreads disease. Individuals suffering from AIDS often have very short life expectancies, and zombies are the re-animated dead that aim to infect and kill as many people as possible. It is a very coded nickname.

In the post that I linked, I speculate the possibility that some people in town may even believe that Will has HIV. Remember earlier when I mentioned Troy's comment "he was probably killed by some other queer" which implies a belief that Will was raped. The town don't know about any of the supernatural goings-on, but they do know that Will went missing, was found in a cabin a week later, was hospitalized shortly after and attended frequent doctor visits through the following year. I don't see a reason that malicious rumors would cease, especially considering that they already continue to be cruel and ostracizing with the Zombie Boy nickname.

Look also at this moment of Will getting weird looks as he is being pulled from school to attend his doctors appointment. Why so much stigma around simply going to the doctor?

The 1984 Reelection of Ronald Reagan

In 1984, Ronald Reagan won reelection in one of the biggest election wins in history. And— subsequently continuing his and the governments silence towards the AIDS epidemic.

Season two takes place in the week leading up to the reelection. There are small set pieces that draw attention to this, such as this election sign in front of the library.

If the date November 6th sounds familiar, it should.

Dr. Owens mentions the anniversary of Will's disappearance. The one year anniversary of Will's disappearance is the same day that Ronald Reagan was reelected. Will's trauma is being purposefully associated with that day.

I've also made a separate post before just about the Reagan/Bush '84 signs that litter the lawns of Hawkins houses. They appear most notably in the Halloween episode, building to when Will has his true sight episode that night. There is one clearly in frame just before Will is separated from the group, called a "Zombie Boy" and a "freak" (two very coded nicknames) before he falls into his vision.

We also get a clear view of the Reagan/Bush sign outside of the Wheeler house before Will describes his experience to Mike.

A Tangent About the Wheelers

And now the question on everyone's mind: Are the Wheeler's homophobic?

Ted and Karen Wheeler are not violent, homophobic bullies. That would be a massive reach. But it would also be a reach to say that they are vocal allies. And maybe that's just what the average middle class family

In the very least, the Wheelers are passively contributing to a system that enables homophobia. To be honest, they are probably just going along with what everyone else is doing. Like I said earlier, Reagan was an incredibly popular candidate for the 1984 reelection. The Wheelers have the privilege of being able to comfortably conform without having to worry about much of the consequences. (I'll talk more about the Wheelers later)

In the episode where Will is possessed by the Mind Flayer, Joyce calls the school and we get an extended shot with Reagan's portrait in the background. The shot begins with the portrait slightly obscured, then the camera dolly's in towards the receptionist with the portrait still in frame. Shortly after this Will is possessed in the field. Here is one of the camera begins the shot and where the camera ends the shot.

I also wanna note that when Joyce calls in this scene, the receptionist makes a side comment about her and rolls her eyes. There's a clear animosity towards not only Will, but the whole Byers family, including the adults of the town. Including Reagan's portrait in this shot is meant to create a subtle correlation between him and the stigma that the Byers' face.

Season Three: The Façade of Patriotism Over a Dying Nation

It's 1985, Ronald Reagan has been reelected, and this season introduces Hawkins Mayor Larry Kline.

Is Larry Kline meant to be Ronald Reagan?

I would say that Mayor Kline is probably exemplary of American politicians in a broader sense (in fact the Duffers may have been making allusions to Trump with his connection to the Russians) although the fact that he's in office the same time as Reagan is still significant.

In the beginning of the season, Mayor Kline is being met with protesters outside his house, not unlike many of the AIDS awareness protests from the 80's.

The townsfolk are angered with Kline for building the mall and running some of the small businesses into the ground. During Reagan's run, he implemented a system of economics called "Reaganomics," which aimed to cut taxes and support economic growth. Although critics of Reaganomics will point out that his policies had actually increased the wealth gap, making the rich richer and the poor, poor. I want to keep this post about the AIDS metaphor, although I wanted to point this out as it is a connection between Kline and Reagan. And as I said earlier in this post, the metaphors are multifaceted and not just about AIDS.

But continuing, later in the season Kline puts on a big 4th of July festival to celebrate the independence of his country with neon lights and flashy fireworks. Meanwhile, the people of his town are dying right under his political reign.

During season 3, the AIDS metaphor actually moves away from Will, with the focus of his story shifting slowly to romance. This was setup at the Snowball at the end of season 2, and season 3 hints at some of Will's feelings for Mike which will be carried into season 4.

But the metaphor is carried on by Will's name twin, Billy.

Billy and Will sharing the same first name, that being William, feels significant as Will basically passes the baton to him and Billy now becomes the focus for this metaphor. We learn from Max that Billy is very sexually active, and in the beginning of the season he has eyes for Karen Wheeler. It is while he is on his way to this illicit sexual affair when he is "infected" by the Mind Flayer. (this was pointed out to me in the comment of one of my posts, but have since lost it. If you are reading this— thank you.)

Billy then passes the "infection" along to a girl he was flirtatious with, before the "virus" begins spreading over town.

There is also language and rape imagery associated with being flayed. There is the repeated lines "hold still" and "it'll all be over soon." When Heather's parents are flayed, they are tied up something is forcefully inserted orally, not unlike what we saw with the tentacle inside of Will in season one and his possession in season two. (I first saw this pointed out by @kaypeace21

The flayed begin to eat chemicals, and Nancy makes the comment that Tom, one of the flayed, appears to have been on drugs. Another common way that HIV is spread is through the sharing of drug needles.

HIV/AIDS in the Press

Nancy's arc with the newspaper this season reminds me a lot of how AIDS was first being reported in the press. Nancy begins her search for a story with stolen fertilizer and diseased rats, not realizing that there was a much bigger and much more dangerous story at hand. One of the first reports HIV in the media was from a CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report from 1981, which cited five cases of pneumonia in previously healthy gay men in Los Angeles. While still a deadly number, it was relatively small compared to the massive number of AIDS cases and deaths that would soon follow.

When Nancy brings her story to work, Bruce, one of her higher-ups, sips from this rather patriotic coffee mug before telling Nancy to drop the story.

At the end of the 1985 summer in Hawkins, the flayed have died in a "mall fire" and Larry Kline is arrested for colluding with the Russians, and their patriotic façade is shattered.

In September 1985, shortly after actor and close friend of Ronald Reagan, Rock Hudson dies, of an AIDS related illness, Reagan makes his first public acknowledgement of AIDS.

Season Four: Further Stigmatization & LGBT Witch Hunting

In season four the town is finally privy to the fact that there is something wrong going on, although they are unsure of exactly what. When things begin to escalate, instead of blaming the actual guilty party, they go on an all-out witch hunt.

Once again, Will's pretty removed from the AIDS storyline in this season with his arc focusing on his romantic feelings for Mike. With Billy dead and Will out of town, the baton passes once again for the metaphor to be carried by Eddie Munson.

In the first episode of season 4, Eddie is reading a magazine with an article about the Satanic Panic, a real case of wide-spread hysteria in the 1980's regarding the fear of rising Satanism, supposedly promoted by D&D. The article links the game to violent behavior, Satanic worship, sodomy and murder.

Tangent on Sodomy and Sodomy Laws

Merriam-Webster defines sodomy as "anal or oral copulation with another person." The definition is often expanded to include copulation with animals, although the term sodomy, according to Merriam-Webster, means "especially: anal or oral copulation with a member of the same sex."

While definitions may vary depending on states, some states have specific laws outlawing sodomy, even between consenting adults. In 1986, the Supreme Court upheld Georgia's anti-sodomy laws in Bowers v. Hardwick, after a homosexual man and his partner were arrested after being caught while having sex in his own home. Sodomy laws would eventually be challenged again in 2002 with the Lawrence v. Texas case.

While sodomy can technically can refer to both homosexual and heterosexuals, it is especially and historically has been used in regards to homosexual sex. When Eddie reads the word sodomy here, gay sex is being lumped in and made equivalent to violent behavior, Satanic worship, and murder. Quite literally in season four, Hellfire Club is seen as the evil Satanic sodomizers who bring death to their town.

While trying to find a substitute for the D&D game, one of kids Mike asks mentions 60 Minutes in his rebuttal of Mike's request. This episode takes place on March 21st, 1986. On March 16th, 1986, 60 Minutes played a segment called "Life and Death in San Fransisco," a segment about the AIDS virus on CBS. (EDIT: I originally attributed this to the wrong person, but thank you to @aemiron-main for being the one to point this out. Apologies for my memory mixing up my ST analysts in my head 😔) The archived footage can be viewed on YouTube.

When Chrissy is killed by Vecna inside of Eddie's trailer, leading the town to suspect that Eddie was the killer, she was going there to do drugs. Again, a common way for AIDS to be spread was through the sharing of drug needles. After the town and cops suspect Eddie, the town goes on an all-out witch hunt for him and other members of Hellfire, invoking Christianity as their reasoning. In Eddie's words— "Hunt the freak, right?"

Does this mean that Eddie is queer?

The black handkerchief in his back pocket and Joseph Quinn's flirtatious ad-libs with Steve are not completely lost on me. And the AIDS coding here does seem to be pointing in that direction, but here's what I think.

Eddie's actual sexual orientation, and by extension that of Hellfire, is beside the point and doesn't actually matter in the eyes of the town. Every member of Hellfire could be straight and every member of Hellfire could be gay, but what matters is that Hellfire Club is a group of outsiders that participate in recreational activity that is deemed dangerous, and that in itself is queer, regardless of who they may actually be attracted to.

Another Tangent on The Wheelers

During Jason's religious spiel in town hall which invoked the witch hunt against Eddie and Hellfire, we get this shot of Ted and Karen Wheeler upon remembering that Mike is a part of Hellfire. And boy do they look terrified.

This moment, right here, is what I believe to be the Wheeler rug pull. They may not have been signing up to witch hunt their son when they put that Reagan sign in their front lawn, but this is what it leads to. They're being confronted with the most extreme end of their forced conformity and they fear what they see. I think part of what causes this change in character is because they know Mike, had Mike not been a Hellfire member, who is to say if they would have changed their tune or join in the witch hunt. At the end of the season, when the news reports that the giant gate in town is a "doorway to Hell," both Ted and Karen scoff at the report, calling it "hysteria." The conformists are beginning to un-conform.

Concluding Thoughts & Season Five

Providing a story about HIV/AIDS through a science-fiction metaphor is both practical and ethical. The metaphor allows the show to tell the story to a wide audience without the reliance on outside knowledge. You don't have to be an expert in HIV/AIDS history to understand the story that it's trying to tell. It's ethical as well in that it doesn't force it's incredibly young actors to have to act out being raped and developing HIV/AIDS.

With Eddie Munson dead and Zombie Boy back in town, I think that the AIDS metaphor will shift it's focus back to Will. I think we may see a colliding of the AIDS plot with his romance plot. How do you pursue romance with a HIV+ status? Can you?

The way I see, season 5 has the choice to go in one of two directions:

But first, a short tangent about my uncle

In recent years, I came to learn that my uncle was HIV+, something that wasn't known to me when I was younger. Him and his partner are both in their sixties, and they currently bought a plot of land in which they plan on building their dream house together.

But anyways, the two choices are this:

Will dies by the end of the season. He becomes one of the many gay men with HIV/AIDS who lived a short life, unable to grow into adulthood and pursue his love life. His story is a tragedy.

Will lives. He becomes one of the many gay men with HIV/AIDS who survived and is able to live a long and happy life full of love. His story is an uplifting one full of hope.

Tagging: @emblazons @italiantv @gaysmindpalace @ven0moir @punkwillbyers @mikesbasementbeets @quinterobb @drangues @basiltonpitch @howtobecomeadragon

[daddario]

it drives me fucking crazy that Dean gets an entire fucking monologue about being possessed by Michael but Sam, a character who has been possessed by at least THREE different beings, one of which he was tricked into by someone he trusts, and one of which was the devil himself, gets one fucking line at the end of s9 that isn’t even about the experience itself but rather a cursory mention of the psychological fallout of his body being used to murder Kevin in a season that otherwise seems to disregard his experience entirely.

[please-read-the-manga]

It's all good man, just offering a few caveats before I start:

1.) I never read and have very little interest in Itachi Shinden as it's a light novel (maybe that will change someday, though). That being said I think I (roughly) know about some of the elements you're hinting at (between Fugaku and Itachi) from the novel but not any specifics. I know some people hold them as absolute canon while others completely disregard them, etc. For me, I see them as somewhere in-between, but like I said I fully admit I'm unfamiliar with them. The original manga is where it is at with me.

2.) I literally say in the post/disclaimer that Fugaku is not infallible. This isn't a post to glaze him lol and I even critique how he handled Itachi outside of the moment shown AND criticize Madara as well. It's mostly intended as an examination comparing two perspectives that were striking to me (Fugaku's and Hashirama's) that, again, to me, appear contradictory in an intriguing way. If that means it shouldn't exist in the Itachi tag, I can always remove that so as to not bother his fans here (I just thought since he was mentioned I should tag it that way).

3.) I'm never going to grant that the Uchiha genocide was in anyway necessary or justified. Full stop. So, if there's some element of trying to get me to see 'why' it was done 1.) I already understand the varying character perspectives on it (namely those from Itachi and Danzo), but 2.) I will personally never view those as legitimate/justifiable. I feel very strongly over how events like these are portrayed in media. That being said, again... everything is complex. We can examine (as I'm open to do) the dimensions that exist within the clan politics we're shown in the manga as well as the actions of complicated/contradictory characters like Madara, I just draw the line at ever seeing genocide as a solution to those layered problems. The massacre of every single Uchiha (including civilians, children not named Sasuke, and those likely not even involved in the coup plans) is unjust and I will firmly stand by that. Sorry.

This comes before Hiruzen shoots down Danzo's claim that the 'Uchiha will not be dissuaded' as Hiruzen hasn't even tried diplomacy yet, nor does he get the chance. Danzo makes it clear that his decision to unjustly (I stand by that word) indiscriminately slaughter an entire group of people through Itachi is preemptive. Actions by the Uchiha have not been taken yet, diplomacy has not yet been pursued and Danzo ensures it never will once he presents Itachi with his horrific 'choices'.

Okay, so hopefully that clarifies a bit right off the bat, and I apologize for not being well-versed on Itachi Shinden - my analysis here is restricted to the manga.

(Hopefully this is the correct formatting for replies. This got... really long lol, so I'll cut it up here).

Criticising Fugaku for his terrible parenting is not the same as portraying him as a "demon of hatred and cruelty." It's not even a prevelent opinion in the fandom. Itachi gets way more hate, is demonised way more than Fugaku, even if Fugaku was the one who shaped him, abandoned him, and became one of the biggest reasons why the massacre even happened in the first place. The man could have stopped it all by paying more attention to Itachi after Shisui's death. But nope. He had in fact sent Shisui to spy on his own son.

I guess it's impossible to measure who gets more hate (or I wouldn't know how to do that anyway) but this write-up was never meant to be a comparison between Fugaku and Itachi? Other than their interactions with one another, that is. In my experience, I have more commonly seen portrays of Fugaku being this caricature of an evil villain who lives to ruin Sasuke's life... I actually think the fan works that present Fugaku as a more complex character with honest looks into his parenting difficulties are really refreshing.

Fugaku is awkward. That's something Mikoto outright states and that's something Sasuke acknowledges/agrees with enough to find comfort in following her pointing it out. He doesn't know the right thing to say all the time, but I absolutely do not think this negates his love for his sons.

When Itachi is being wrongly criticized by other clan members over the death of Shisui and his own commitment to the clan's cause, Fugaku defends Itachi and adds weight to Itachi's reasoning for his behavior.

Again, I'm not sure if Itachi Shinden negates these flashbacks, and we can maybe examine the fact they're from Sasuke's POV (these are Sasuke's memories and he was very obviously a child here), but I re-read them and see a father struggling to understand the conflict his son is navigating through but still standing by his child in a way that he can. We can say that it's 'not enough' but to me, here, I don't believe Fugaku is abandoning him. I know we can likely agree too, that too much responsibility was put onto to Itachi - he was far too young to be navigating politics at this level and being used not just as a pipeline from the clan to the village, but the reverse as well through Hiruzen, Danzon and the Elders' own machinations.

So, maybe we'll just have to agree to disagree that Itachi gets more hate, as you say. Really the only measure I could think of is that Fugaku is a MUCH smaller character compared to Itachi and his impact on general fan opinion may be a lot smaller as a result? But, in my opinion, Itachi frequently gets a lot of fan support and is a very popular character, to the extent many don't criticize his actions at all (though there is, of course, some good critical analysis out there). As a fan of certain characters like Madara (whew and isn't he an interesting mess lol) and Sasuke, who certainly have their fair share of awesome fans/positive reception, I know what it's like to see those negative opinions/write-ups slip through that I feel are major misinterpretations haha, and it can be so hard to ignore them sometimes lol. So I get it.

"Unjustly" even if it happened due to the bad decisions made by Fugaku himself, for years, throwing his son to the wolves, preparing him as a weapon so he would be useful for war against the village while having no idea of the future afterwards. Fugaku only realised he had been wrong and destroyed Itachi's life. If he had known this before, he wouldn't have thought of the coup as the only solution to their plight. And even if he had, he wouldn't have dragged his child into this mess to turn him into a killing machine. He was more excited about Itachi's Anbu mission than Sasuke's Academy.

I've kind of belabored this point already, but yes... unjustly. Placing the blame for his family's genocide solely on Fugaku is an interesting take. Again, maybe Itachi Shinden has some revelations I've never heard of, but I think we may be reaching with the 'no idea of the future afterwards' when we literally are not privy to any of those exact conversations. We just don't know (and there's so much we don't know). We don't know what the Uchiha had actually prepared in regards to the coup... how far along they were (though some characters with their own distinct biases have opinions on this, I'd argue we still don't objectively know). We never get a chance to see if diplomacy may have played out, but enough characters do speculate that the massacre may not have been so inevitable (Minato mentions the UCM being his fault for passing away, Itachi literally wonders before he is released from the edo tensei if Sasuke could have changed things, etc)... all that speculation, to me, reveals that it was never so black and white.

I do agree that Fugaku likely had many regrets. Again, he's a realistically flawed parent (to me) in what I observe in these panels. He's, as pointed out, incredibly awkward and when Itachi does point out to him how badly Sasuke wants his father at his attendance ceremony, he acquiesces. I feel the need to stress that I'm not really going out of my way to defend him here, but I am pointing out there are layers to his character that likely influence his actions (even if we are not told so explicitly)... he is the clan head, his clan is being discriminated against (and this has occurred for decades now), his clan is rightfully upset at this mistreatment, and it's all coming to a head. Further, as clan head, there is an expectation (right or wrong) that his heir will inherit his responsibilities and duties one day. I agree that's a lot to put onto a child (especially one who is also being hounded after by the village higher-ups for their own gain), but I do think it's worthwhile to remember that this is what Fugaku is dealing with...

I, personally, don't think he was setting out to ruin his son while laughing manically as he planned new ways to overwhelm Itachi and give him more crushing responsibilities lol - I jest a bit, sorry. If that were the case, I don't think he would encourage Itachi to stand by his convictions in the end, nor do I think he would defend his son to the clan even as said son lowkey showcased some alarming behavior (just to clarify here so nothing gets misconstrued, the POV here is that of other members of the clan who are already suspicious of him - it's not my opinion, we the reader know why Itachi is acting that way).

To dive in further, this scene, where Itachi refuses to explain his mission to his father and is going to take the mission in lieu of the clan meeting, is one where we see a very stern Fugaku who is exerting his authority in the parent-child relationship and reiterating what he expects of Itachi (this difficult balance between clan and village responsibilities when tensions are at an all-time high). It is negative, it is harsh. We still see him later, however, (as mentioned earlier) defending Itachi's decision not to attend and standing by his son when the other clan members confront him. Again, not an infallible guy, but hardly this 'evil' father he gets painted as.

Fugaku did not stand by Itachi's side. Not when it was needed. So this moment only serves to make a 12-year-old Itachi feel more guilty.

Here, I think you are referring to the aftermath of Shisui's suicide? As far as I know, I don't think there was anything specifically mentioned about Fugaku's response or absence of a response to the suicide, but I'll re-read Fugaku's manga panels and see if there's something to add here. If it gets addressed, I don't remember it being in the manga. But like I said, I'll check, I'm unfamiliar on this.

Not exactly sure why this is always used as a criticism towards Hashirama. Once you're a leader of the people, they're your responsibility. And if your family/friends cause any trouble and put the lives of thousands others you're responsible for on risk, you must choose. I don't remember Hashirama saying he'd kill a child, but that if it were his own child. Again, this is Shinobi world, and some kids can be more dangerous than the adults. Madara was involving innocent people in his mess. Hashirama had every right to protect the people who had put their faith in him.

In reference to this line:

It's never stated directly in these Hashirama flashbacks, but we eventually learn that Madara came back to the village with the Nine-Tails solely to challenge him with the (as we, the reader, know) hidden intent of harvesting some of Hashirama's DNA (biting his flesh) for his new 'dream' plan. Madara also doesn't deny it, though, when Hashirama asks if Madara intends to destroy everything they've built together. As much as I enjoy Madara, I have no delusions that he can be a horrendous communicator lol. He is capable of opening up just a bit, like when he shows Hashirama the secret tablet that no other outsider has ever been permitted to see (ie. a big deal) after his doubts are beginning to mount about the village and its future. He literally reveals his doubts and uncertainties, opening up, only to then immediately clam up again (very confusingly, to Hashirama) when Hashirama asks for more clarification. Ah, in some ways this is making me want to examine the two of them as a struggle between show-don't-tell and the reverse, where Madara seems to prefer grand, revealing gestures but Hashirama appreciates more direct words - but alas, that's a post idea for another day.

Now, I can agree with you reminding us that it's the shinobi world and we know they operate with different principles and values... but on the level of examining what I consider Fugaku's unconditional love and Hashirama's implication here (and I interpret that line as him implying he would absolutely take the same actions he's taking with Madara, even if it were his son/brother/etc doing it) my personal take on it and what I relate to more is Fugaku standing by his son and refusing to battle him. I think you may see that as Fugaku foisting more guilt onto Itachi (I also don't want to put words in your mouth though), but I read it more as Fugaku trying to impart one final lesson that is encouraging Itachi to be prepared now that he will walk this new path alone. Similarly, I couldn't fathom killing my own child even if I knew they were doing wrong - so my interpretation of Hashirama's words here are to view them as cruel and cold. That doesn't mean you wouldn't remove said child from being able to cause harm in some way (you absolutely should) but to kill them is a step I can't imagine taking. In such a circumstance (though I imagine I'd hopefully never be in one lol) I think I'd take Fugaku's approach.

All of that, at the end of the day, is pure personal opinion and perspective influenced by diverging values and life experiences. It's absolutely okay for others to disagree here, this post is merely my interpretation of what we have in the manga along with critique regarding fan portrayals that I believe fail to offer nuance to Fugaku/Hashirama regarding these perspectives. I haven't been around long enough in this tumblr space to know why it's 'always' used, but I'd be eager to see other interpretations/sentiments on it. That moment has always stayed with me.

100% Fugaku's fault. He wasn't supposed to use his son as a weapon. He should have talked to the Hokage instead of using Itachi. The oppression was wrong but Fugaku took his vulnerable child and exposed him to extreme violence. Leave aside the fact that he didn't even think of the consequences of the coup.

So, again, I'm a bit lost regarding the 'consequences of the coup' and which panels he mentions he's just going in blind, full-speed ahead everything else be damned? The truth is we never get to see (at least in the manga) if they were ready to ahead with the coup. Danzo, an incredibly biased voice, believes they could take out the Uchiha easily and preemptively. Perhaps they could, but we don't know because Danzo violated the Hiruzen's call for diplomacy, gave Itachi a ridiculous choice, set his own immediate timetable, and went for it anyway.

I really don't vibe with the implication that Fugaku is solely at-fault for his people's own genocide... especially with the oppression and discrimination they were facing. In the panels (and sadly we only really get Sasuke's, Itachi's, and a bit of Obito's POV on the night of the massacre - all of whom are likely, in some way, biased), I don't see anything where Danzo's preemptive rush against the clan was warranted. Planning is not doing - oh, it's still a crime in the eyes of the government, but we were never past the point of no return (ie. actual action) regarding this supposed coup.

Also, if we're granting more weight to the shinobi world and its structure (which I think makes sense, you're right) then we need to acknowledge that Itachi was always going to, unfortunately, take part in the system of violence. Kakashi is also extremely young when he is thrust into the shinobi world and bogged down with horrific responsibilities. The case of Itachi and Kakashi being far too young for the violence expected of them is actually revealing of how flawed Konoha is and how bastardized it became from Hashirama/Madara's initial dream. To them, Konoha was meant to be a place where their younger brothers wouldn't have to fight, where kids could be kids... yet more wars continued where child soldiers were demanded, children were tasked to contend with deadly engagements (including the state-sanctioned chunin exams), even in Boruto (lol) this shit is STILL not fixed. Throughout the story we repeatedly see that the village is a hypocritical mess built on a faulty foundation that constantly fuels the 'cycle of hatred' it claims to fight against. It's a broken state that creates tragedies like Itachi and Sasuke. It destroys people like Kakashi. Their world is a very cruel one.

Now, I think you're really going to dislike this comparison but I think it's interesting that this concept of 'Fugaku taking a vulnerable child and exposing him to extreme violence' in an effort to prepare him for the harshness of the world and make him 'stronger' is quite literally what Itachi tries to do to Sasuke. So, if we grant that Fugaku is also a product of this corrupt, violent state and he knows said state discriminates against people like him and we also task him with being both a clan head that must operate for the village (Chief of Police) and for his clan (the Uchiha who are being oppressed) while additionally traumatizing him with wars and baggage of his own (that we don't quite know the details of, but is implied) and then, after all that, ask him to be a 'good' father and raise his sons so they can survive in such a world... idk, it's a pretty tall order, right? And now let's go a step further, we then have Itachi who similarly mimics these difficult circumstances (bearing multiple, very heavy responsibilities to diverging entities), is also traumatized and mentally unwell, wants desperately to protect his younger brother out of love but doesn't really have a 'healthy' (or what we could consider healthy in our world) example to pull from beyond what he personally endured/experienced... we then finally come to the case of Sasuke who is forced to bear Itachi's torture that mentally and emotionally scars him for life.

We know that Itachi believes this was the right decision, that Sasuke had to become strong to survive and THIS is how Itachi understands survival. The torture that sought to change Sasuke from what he was at his core (an innocent, kind child) came from Itachi's perception of love and the tools/knowledge he had at his disposal within his limited circumstances (though if we can play with the idea that Fugaku could have found a way to stop the coup, maybe, I think we can also play with the idea that Itachi could have found a way to not violently torture Sasuke and utterly devastate his life). I've never said that Itachi isn't also traumatized and a victim of the shinobi system, he absolutely is, but in some ways I believe there is a cycle of violence being passed down that is framed (by the characters) as a way to 'prepare them for the reality of their world' and they do so out of a sense of love... and, in that, Itach is both a victim and a perpetrator of grave harm.

To us, the reader, this is all very nasty on every level. Again, I never said Fugaku was perfect (not by any means) and I don't think Itachi is evil or anything, I really like his scenes with Sasuke and the layers of tragedy they hold - I think they're all (Fugaku included) victims of the corrupt rot that runs through Konoha and began at its foundation.

Oy, but I've probably gone on too long now. I felt these points were worth clarifying. Apologies again for not being well-versed on Itachi-Shinden... if it really is so revealing, I wish those scenes you're alluding to had been included in the OG manga so we'd know about them!

I guess I'll grant that some of this may have been a bit of 'Fugaku defense squad' lol, but I am really just trying to help frame him based on what we see in the manga. This also isn't meant to dog on Itachi or Hashirama... they're both good, complicated characters in my opinion. Ultimately, I personally think Fugaku's final moments with Itachi are filled with compassion and what I view as unconditional love from a parent. Others might not see it that way and I think that's fine. As for Hashirama, I think weighing the state over your closest friends and own family is pretty damn cold and not something I agree with morally, but again... it's individual. This is how I take these scenes.

Hm, been contemplating these panels lately and thinking about which character is constantly demonized within the fandom/fan works involving them and which is frequently viewed as the ultimate loving and moral person...

And:

One is a man bearing the supposed 'Curse of Hatred' who loves his children so much that he is continuing to parent and offer unconditional love to his son even after said son has already participated in the brutal state-sanctioned genocide of their people/culture and is about to end his (and his wife's - who, btw, is on the same page as him) life.

The other is a man from the supposed 'Clan of Love' who boldly holds the conviction that he would cease his compassion towards even his own child if they stood against him and his dream (the village), regardless of the fact his dream (the village) is a corruptible entity that does not maintain personhood.

Interestingly, I think there is something to be said for the fact both Fugaku and Hashirama are also shown struggling to understand Itachi and Madara (respectively).

Fugaku is actually quite honest regarding his issues in relating to Itachi and while we're not always privy to all the conversations they've had about the state of the clan/sentiment of the Leaf village towards their people, it's clear that those discussions have been had. While the panels where we do see more explicit conversations taking place show Fugaku reiterating to Itachi that his role in ANBU is to serve as a pipeline between the clan/village (which could be argued as an unfair burden foisted onto a child, in my opinion) there are also moments that indicate Fugaku is willing to defer to Itachi (at least on some topics) when his son offers a contradictory viewpoint (like attendance at Sasuke's entrance ceremony, for example).

Side note... this also reminds me of the very short (unfortunately) interactions we see between Madara and his father, Tajima. Tajima clearly respects his son as well and defers to him when Madara insists that they not fight Hashirama and his family on the river - Tajima accepts this from his son without pause.

Alternatively, we also see Madara trying to explain his perspective to a skeptical Hashirama before he commits to taking more drastic actions. Madara is trying to articulate his frustrations with what is happening in the village/how it is progressing with regards to his clan and (even though we never really get Madara's own unfiltered perspective on this time period) we are shown instances of Madara's grievances holding water (ie. Tobirama advocating for Madara not to be made Hokage, but instead pushing randomly for a democratic system that never seems to actually be cemented or made precedent within the village afterwards but absolutely benefits Hashirama/the Senju in the short-run, Madara 'overhearing' Tobirama's continued bias against the Uchiha in private conversations between the brothers, Hashirama continuing to scold his brother -someone who had ample power within the system of governance since its inception- for his bias against the clan even when they're brought back via the edo tensei, etc). Hashirama tries to (weakly, in my opinion) defend the village status quo/way it is progressing and seems to want to better understand Madara, but isn't willing or is unable to go that extra mile for his friend - and, perhaps in some ways, Madara too was unwilling/unable to articulate himself in a more digestible way once their divergence of opinion on their shared village came to this new crux.

Ultimately, I just find it interesting that Fugaku, this character who is often portrayed by fans as a demon of hatred and cruelty, would (in reality) stand by his son even in his darkest hour, even as he is unjustly slaughtering their family, and continue to reaffirm that he is proud of Itachi/loves him - and this is directly counter to Hashirama who asserts he would absolutely kill anyone (including a child) that stood between him protecting that which he loves the most (the village).

And, of course, we also have this to chew on lol...

Sasuke explaining to edo Hashirama that Itachi inherited his 'Will of Fire' jingoism.

Mandatory disclaimer that Fugaku is not infallible and all the characters here (but Fugaku and Hashirama in particular) are their own people/the circumstances do vary (especially as one relationship is framed in the context of father-son and the other as two friends/peers)... I should also note that I still enjoy Hashirama as a character, I just think his flaws are often under-examined and that the hypocrisy inherent to the 'Will of Fire' philosophy/the Leaf Village (and by extension the shinobi world) is equally neglected especially when it comes to this fandom's love of tearing down the Uchiha to their worst traits/moments. But, man, something about these two panels and character portrayals in particular have just been eating at me the past few days, so I figured I'd try to work out some thoughts on them.

[xxprincess1x]

Darling, It'll Be Alright | Gentlebeard Fanvid

Show: Our Flag Means Death

Music: Darling, It'll Be Alright by Allman Brown

[outlying-hyppocrate]

well. did you fucking miss me.

[ingravinoveritas]

You've probably got a thousand things to say about the latest "The Kiss" info, but I have been thinking about it all morning, especially about the way there seems to be no need to acknowledge it between the two of them. They just went for it, and then they didn't feel the need to talk about it. Idk about everyone else but to me that just feels like to them, this was just a kiss among perhaps many. They knew the song and dance around it already, so there was no need to mark it as different other than it being in characters rather than out of.

But those are just my thoughts. So excited to hear about yours if you have any :3

Hi there! Oh, yes…yes, I do have so many thoughts about Michael talking about the kiss, and The Assembly in general.

Something I'm not sure I've mentioned on here (at least not in a long time) is that five years ago (in June of 2019), I wrote a thread on Twitter about fanfic and why it was so important to me as an autistic woman, as well as the role it played when I began to discover my sexuality. I received a lovely comment from Neil, and on top of that, Michael reposted it from me, which was entirely unexpected but delightful.

So when I first heard about The Assembly, I was anxious, apprehensive, and uncomfortable--mainly because of how the autistic/ND interviewers would potentially be depicted on screen. By the end of the show, however, I was in tears--and for once, in a good way. Michael did not let me down for one single second (which I did not think he would), and I loved how he and everyone else just held space for each other during the group singalong to "Here Comes the Sun."

(The only thing I haven't liked is seeing some of the response on social media that suggests Michael did an extraordinary thing just by talking to autistic/disabled people like we are human beings. It shouldn't be special when he or anyone else does that, but it's depicted that way because it is unfortunately still so rare...)

In terms of Michael talking about the kiss with David, it was of course so lovely to see his expressions and listen to him talk about what it was like. For me it was the fact that he actually didn't say that much that was so revealing. It was perfectly in line with what was reported about what Michael said a month ago, about it being "everything you dream of." With the Assembly, we could now see and hear him talking about it and that same carefulness with which he gave the previous answer--a carefulness borne not out of wanting to hide something, but wanting to keep something about the kiss private. Just for him and David.

I also feel like some folks might have misunderstood what he meant when he said, "We never talk about it," though. I think the unspoken part after that is, "We never talk about it, not because we don't want to, but because we don't need to"...

And I agree with you that it was exactly that--one kiss out of many, something so tried and true that neither David nor Michael had to give it much thought. It also makes me think of previous discussions about comments from David about how, between the sunglasses and the contact lenses for Crowley, he couldn't see shit, yet he only needed one take to find Michael's lips. It's like needing a GPS when you drive someplace new, but then it quickly becomes familiar, and after a while you don't need anyone to tell you how to get there. Because you already know the way home.

Talking about the kiss like this almost gives a feeling of domesticity, of something deeply intimate, beyond the physical. I'm thinking of it as well in tandem with David's comments from prior to the BAFTAs, about it being "another day at work" and saying that Michael had "brushed his teeth." There are so many examples from movies or TV shows where a couple wakes up in bed together in the morning and when one person goes in for a kiss, the other stops them and says "Not until you've brushed your teeth" (or something to that effect). And it just makes me picture them getting up to film that day and sharing a good morning kiss, after which David gently reminds Michael to brush his teeth before he gets to the set. (And he does, because Michael never forgets anything David tells him.)

The last thing that I wanted to mention that stood out to me was Michael talking about how moved everyone was--both the people who watched the kiss be filmed on set, and the fans who watched it in the show. You could actually hear the way his voice caught in his throat, hear him become emotional just from remembering that. And it made me think back to when GO 2 came out last summer, in the midst of the Writers Strike (and then SAG-AFTRA) and how Michael was probably reading all of the fan reactions online and feeling very much the same way, even though he couldn't say anything about it.

So it becomes even more poignant and compelling that now, when he finally can say anything he wants at all about the kiss, he gives us so little. Or maybe just enough, with a small, knowing smile on his face. Because he's found a boy he likes, and he has his photo.

Those are my thoughts on Michael talking about the kiss on The Assembly. I know it's been a week now, but hopefully everyone has had time to process it too, so I'd love to hear what you all think. Thank you for writing in! x