#i am whining. to be clear. i am being a whiny little bitch here

[lgbtlunaverse]

You know, when i walked into the wider mdzs/cql fandom 4 years late with starbucks in my hand i was generally expecting that the character i was gonna have to bat horrible takes away from me with a hockey stick was gonna be jin guangyao. Maybe jiang cheng. Complex characters in an antagonist role whose complexity tends to be ignored because people want an easy bad guy to point at so they can prop up their own blorbo.

But no! There are so many rancid takes about both of them but it has become startlingly easy for me to avoid them once i knew what to do. I nestle myself mostly into the 3zun/yi city niche of the fandom which are generally (fictional) murder-friendly. Be careful when treading wangxian-only pages. Don't even come near either of their character tags. Avoid the "canon jiang cheng" tag like the plague. (I gotta hand it to 'em calling your character negativity tag canon is a ballsy move.) And. Yeah. Sometimes I can blissfully forget wider fandom has bad takes about these dudes.

No. No the character i have to slap away bad takes from left right and center is fucking nie mingjue.

You wouldn't expect that from a source material where he spends 90% of them time being a corpse. But here we are!

(To be clear everything under this cut is me being extremely salty if you don't want that in your life scroll away! read something else! smell a flower! eat some ice cream! Have a better day than i did! You deserve it)

I understand that it's because i took primary measures to avoid bad takes about jgy that i ended up in the jgy apologism pit and i do really quite like it here, you're all very lovely. But I guess the fandom impulse to need a big bad guy so blorbo didn't do anything wrong propped up and jgs on his own wasn't enough for everyone, and so the reading that nie mingjue is a selfish entitled privileged brute who wanted nothing more than to beat jgy until he acted grateful or subservient enough for his wishes without ever actually trying to empathise with him emerged in a few corners.

I've seen cql and book canon warped and mixed together to perpetuate the worst reading of him possible that would, in either canon taken on its own, look downright ridiculous. (I've often seen people say cql softens his character, but it notably makes him look like a way worse sect leader to jgy because the jin captain harassment was moved to qinghe, where in the book it is basically established that while people still look down on jgy the outright harassment has stopped because they can't get away with it anymore, and only the most subtle gestures of disrespect slip through. People will just move the alternate reality from cql to novel canon with no regard for how it makes several plotbeats no longer make sense. Don't even get me started on the differences between book empathy and show empathy and how they are ignored because one framework lends itself easier to character bashing.)

I've seen claims that killing him was good and a kindness actually, because he was just too bad and dangerous to keep on living. Who knows who he'd have killed if left on his own!! He'd have died in a few years anyway, who cares.

I've seen an offhand assumption from xue yang that the bruises madam jin leaves him with come from nie mingjue being misquoted as some kind of canon hard proof that nie mingjue is physically abusing jin guangyao during their entire sworn brotherhood multiple times in discourse now and it makes me want to start chewing on human flesh. (Also the lan xichen character assasination this implies??? Apparently lan xichen is just standing there while his eldest sworn brother beats the younger one up and, what? Thinks it's a good idea to make them spend long periods of time together ALONE? Tells jgy after the stairs incident that he "shouldn't provoke" mingjue- An actual thing he says!!! Which becomes much worse if this isn't an isolated incident in a tense but otherwise wanted relationship but instead one iteration in a long history of abuse!! So lxc is just doing abuse apologism for years on end here? Ok.)

And the frustrating thing is that, unlike with characters like jc or jgy, who have solidly sized fanbases built up specifically to defend and discuss them with nuance in part as direct reaction to abysmal takes about them, the equivalent for Nie Mingjue is a lot smaller. Wider fandom takes on him tend to vary from a casual shrug of general disinterest to "oohhhh jgy is so evil for killing him i feel so bad 😞" followed by. Very little actual exploration of what makes his character so interesting and tragic. And so I am left with??? Almost nothing??? Most people actually TALKING about him are doing so wrongly and even if they are defending him they are! Doing It Wrong! This sucks! I don't like any of it!

[gotnofucks]

No One’s Bitch

Pairing: dark!Steve x Reader

Summary: If Steve thought you’ll bend to his will, he was dead wrong. This kitty has some claws.

Words: 1.5k

Warning: Non-con/Dub-con, smut, kinda hate fuck?, kidnapping, language, breeding kink, 18+ ONLY

A/N: This is my Happy Hoelentine’s Day gift to @mariahthelioness29​ . Hope you enjoy this love, wishing you a very orgasmfull Valentines! This amazing challenge was hosted by the very talented @amythedvdhoarder​ @drabblewithfrannybarnes​ and @chrissquares​. You girls are amazing! 

“We need an ultrasound!” Steve shouted, carrying you into Bruce’s office and dumping you on a stretcher. Your hands beat at his shoulder in protest, a snarl ripping from you as he finally let go.

“I told you I can walk!” You scream at him and he scowls at your tone.

Bruce blinked at you two for a minute before sighing, wheeling out his ultrasound machine next to you and motioning you to pull up your top.

“Did you finally get her pregnant?” He asked in an almost bored voice and you wrinkled your nose at him in disgust. The nerve of everyone in this goddamn tower!

“No, he didn’t, and if I have it my way he never will.” You huff, earning a disapproving look from both males. Bruce squeezed some cold gel onto his probe and put it on your stomach, gliding it along your stomach and abdomen, eyes trained on the screen.

“Don’t be too sure about it. I’ll like to see you try to escape once I put a baby inside you.” Steve growled and your nostrils flared in anger. You flipped him off, uncaring of his strength and threats. When he kidnapped you and claimed you months ago, Steve didn’t expect you to fight this long. He thought he’d be able to extinguish your fire, force you into a loving relationship and be with him. Well, the jokes on him. You’re no one’s bitch. Not even Captain America’s.

You looked at the monitor too, biting your lip nervously as Bruce pressed the probe deeper, making you hiss.

“What the fuck?” He sputtered, raising his brows at you and Steve. You rolled your eyes, relaxing a little. Thank fuck its not stuck in your throat. “Is that a ring in your stomach?”

Steve slumped on the stool beside you, sighing deep.

“She swallowed it.” He simply said and you sat up quickly, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“Blond fucker’s a liar” You snap, “Who the fuck hides a ring in food anymore? Can you get anymore cliché?”

Steve slams his hands on the stretcher beside you, caging you in as he pressed in close to touch his nose to yours. The musky scent of his aftershave wafted over to you and clung to your pores, making you want to sneeze.

“I was trying to be romantic.” He said. “It’s valentine’s day tomorrow. I wanted to spend it as fiancés.”

You breathed out a disbelieving laugh, still surprised at how normal everyone treated this absurdity of your relationship with Steve. If it could even be called that.

“You thought that snatching me away from my family and life was romantic? You thought that taking me against me will and fucking me unconscious every night was romantic. What does a man like you know of romance and love, Mr. Rogers?” You sneer in his face.

Even as his hand came to fist your hair and pull, you don’t cry out in pain. You’ve trained yourself well enough to somehow keep the tears in your eyes and not have them spill over.

“Don’t sit here pretending you don’t come on my dick like a slut, darling” Steve said, his voice low and deep. You barely registered Bruce clearing his throat and walking away, too busy focusing on the rapidly darkening blue in Steve’s eyes.

“If we’re being honest here Steve, then your meaty cum-gun is the only redeemable part about you.” You sweetly said to him and whined as you were roughly push on your back, Steve’s body covering yours.

His lips descended on yours in a frenzy, hands frantic as they pulled at your pants. Months ago, you’d have been embarrassed by the moans that spilled from your parted mouth, but when it became clear that earth shattering orgasms was the only reward for you in this shitshow of an arrangement, you decided to make the best of it.

You pulled on Steve’s hair, biting his lip roughly when he pulled out his hard length and slapped it against your glistening folds, lubing himself in your juices. He growled against you, two fingering unceremoniously thrust into your opening that had you arching your back with pain and pleasure.

“Pathetic” Steve spat, “Only have to touch you and you become a whiny cumslut.”

You groan, wrapping your legs around his huge body to urge him closer. Heels dug into his back and you raked your nails across his scalp and back, leaving bite marks across his shoulder that had him pushing inside you with one hard thrust. You threw your head back, a choked sound howled directly in Steve’s mouth as he hips became flush with yours.

“Look at you, my greedy girl” He mocked, pulling back until only his tip was inside before plunging back inside. “Can’t get enough of daddy’s cock, can you?”

The fragile stretcher threatened to give out under the force of you both, squeaking dangerously as Steve powered into you, sweat and spit mixing on your skin and leaving you damp.

“Is that all you got, Captain?” You challenged, “Can’t make me stay even with a magic cock, can you?”

Steve’s hands took yours and pinned them beside your head, hips almost a blur as he went in and out of you, hitting so deep he seemed to move your womb.

“Fucking bitch, I’ll have you round with my seed. We’ll see how well this mouth runs when it’s too busy sucking my cock and singing lullabies to our brat” He said.

Your brows knit together as he hit a spot inside you that had you mewling, breath coming out in broken pants. You put your lips at Steve’s eyes, licking his earlobe before pulling on it.

“Can’t even get me pregnant. Maybe you should get Bucky to help.”

That was the last straw and Steve’s growl was almost animalist as he ripped away your top, sucking greedily on your hardened nipples while his dick speared you open. You screamed as the stretcher finally snapped, you and Steve tumbling to the floor, still fucking like animals in heat.

The coil inside you wound up tighter the harder Steve went, his tongue swirling inside your mouth and not letting you speak. Your eyes were locked with his furious ones, hips coming up to meet every thrust of his with your own, your juices dripping down your thighs and making a mess.

“I’ll fuck you ten time a day, I’ll spread you open and fuck you in front of everyone until the only thing you’re capable to thinking and saying is my name. You think you won, but no baby, I can do this all day!” He hissed at you and pinched your clit harshly. You snapped, a powerful orgasm tearing through you and making your world turn upside down. You howled, an agonized scream of pure, unadulterated, sinful pleasure echoing around the room.

Steve fucked you through your high, almost close to his own release when you used all your strength to turn him over, straddling him and bouncing on his cock. His eyes widened, his dick going deeper as you took hold of his shoulders and sank down on him with a moan.

“Come inside me then, Captain. Come, fill me up. Let’s see if you manage to fuck a brat inside me today after all.” You provoked and Steve grunted, huge arms holding you close as he twitched inside you, his cum painting your insides.

You collapsed on him, sweaty and spent, breath laboured. He wasn’t much better, the broken stretcher digging into his back as he pulled you closer, nuzzling his nose in your neck. You tried to jerk away, rejecting his affections but he only held tighter, forcing a sweet, almost innocent kiss on your pursed lips.

“One day, I’ll fuck you so good you’ll fall in love with me.” Steve promised and your eyes narrowed. Covered in his scent and essence, you were as marked by him as a tree peed on by a dog.

“One day, you’ll wake up with a dagger inside your chest and you’ll only have yourself to blame.” You remarked. Steve lazily chuckled, bringing you even closer. You wondered if he planned to fall asleep on the floor with you when Bruce came in, resolutely looking at the ceiling.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” The doctor bemoaned and you sarcastically smiled at him despite him still looking away.

“What, haven’t you ever witnessed a good shag?” You ask and Steve’s chest rumbled beneath you. “And you, let go. I need to get that fucking ring out of me.”

Steve sighed, reluctantly releasing you and sitting up. He gave you his t-shirt to wear, your own laying in tatters on the floor.

“Will I need a surgery?” You asked Bruce who was grimacing at the mess in his small office.

“No, it should come out naturally in a few days.” He said. When you just looked at him dumbstruck, he wrinkled his nose, a little amused. “You’ll have to pass it out.”

Steve’s eyes met yours and you resisted the urge to throw something at him.

“I’ll get you a new one.” He said dismissively and you stomped your feet, fixing yourself the best you could and moved towards the door.

“I am not marrying you!” You shout over your shoulder, pushing open the door and not sparing a glance behind.

“We’ll see.” Steve said, a smile on his lips.

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Ch 11- Mama Don’t Preach Part 2 Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: It’s Hannah’s turn to head home for a week to see her Mama, and there’s a surprise request waiting for her too. Meanwhile, back in Sudan Ari’s left holding the baby...or in this case, puppy…

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, 18+ only)- in Part 2

Episode Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 1

The morning the tourist board visit was due Ari woke up early, which was unusual ever since he started sharing the bed with Hannah. Actually, it wasn't that unusual, he was still an early bird but he liked to lay in with her in his arms once both of them were awake until they heard someone else was up and it was time for them to tend to breakfast for the guests. He stretched and turned his head a little, grinning as he felt Hannah’s face by his head, but then he wrinkled his nose as she was licking his ear.

Ok, so that was new.

"Han…" he chuckled "Babe…"

Then there was a little whine followed by a tiny bark. Ari frowned and opened one eye to realise that it was in fact Simon’s tongue that was stuck in his ear.

"Gross pal… gross." he groaned as he shoved the dog away from his face. Ari then rolled onto his back and ran a hand through his hair, smiling as he realised Hannah was due back that day. 7 long days and nights without her, it had been crap. And he had to admit, he hadn’t been in a great mood. In fact, if he was being fully honest, he was totally aware he had been a nightmare to the rest of the team. And he still wasn’t particularly pleased he couldn’t go pick her up but… well, she’d be home in… he reached over for his watch and saw it was just gone 7:30 so she’d be home in round about 5 hours all things considered. 

That made him smile again, it really wasn’t long at all now. So he stretched out, before he swung his legs out of bed, got dressed, shoved on his sneakers and then whistled to Simon. He opened his door and stepped out onto the sand, the sea lightly illuminated by the early morning sun, and the two of them headed out for a run before the rest of the resort awoke. 

About an hour or so later after a jog and a slower walk down the coast path Ari returned, showered and headed down to the main building. The rest of the team was already at the table for breakfast. After nodding to a few guests he sat down next to Sammy, reaching for the coffee pot.

"Morning." he greeted, his tone chipper, as he poured a cup.

"Oh my God." Max gasped.

"What?"

Max ignored Ari and turned to Jake instead. "Did you see that?"

Jake nodded. "I know man, I can’t believe it."

“Believe what? Ari asked, looking around the table.

"You, smiling." Max explained with a grin across his face.

Ari rolled his eyes. "Oh, fuck off."

Besides him Sammy sniggered so Ari playfully gave him a dig with his elbow and Sammy laughed even harder, rubbing his side.

"I’m glad you’re in a good mood today because Madibo will be here in 2 hours or so and we don’t need a bratty owner. So you need to stay as charming Guy Thomas and not the sulking, whiny bitch you’ve been for the past week." Rachel instructed, looking intently at him.

Ari was about to argue but Rachel narrowed her eyes at him and he sighed, shrugging. Truth be told he had no argument. 

"Oh he’ll be charming alright… but not for Madibo." Jake joked and Max let out his characteristic laugh. 

"Oh come on, I’ve not been that bad." Ari tried to defend himself.

The entire table started to scoff and took turns in pointing out to him that he had been that bad and Ari snorted, shaking his head.

"You’ve been worse than Sammy is." Rachel deadpanned but her eyes were soft on Sammy who played the offended victim

"Hey!"

"She’s right." Max agreed.

"Ok, I’ll admit…I’ve been a little bit tetchy." Ari said as he lowered his head in defeat.

"I bet when me or Max leave no one is gonna bat an eyelid." Max quipped. At that point Simon barked and Jake acknowledged him

 "Thanks buddy, I’ll miss you too."

There was a roar of laughter and then Sammy turned to Ari. "You know tetchy doesn’t even begin to describe it."

"Fuck you Sammy." Ari jokingly retorted.

Sammy laughed and stood up. "All right, I’m so overwhelmed with the love you are all giving me this morning."

"What are you doing? Sit down and shut up." Ari commanded, shaking his head.

"I can’t. I need to shower and then set off to pick my sister up. You remember her?"

"No, he doesn’t. Absolutely not…" Max said playfully.

"You know what, Navon…" Ari trailed off as Sammy grinned at him as he snatched up another piece of toast and left the table. "Drive safe! Be careful with the cargo" Ari called across the room.

Max and Jake both snorted as Sammy flicked Ari the bird over his shoulder before he left the room. And Rachel sighed before she demanded their attention and started telling them her plan for Madibo.

"So Jake is going to start with the diving area, show him the facilities, how we run the tours, take him out on a boat to show him the diving spots from the surface."

"Yeah if I take him over the wreck he’ll be able to see it." Jake offered.

Rachel nodded before continuing. "Then a tour of the rest of the facility, show him what we’ve done with the place. He can speak to a few guests. I don't know, see the guest book and the reviews. And then lunch."

"Great, sounds good. Where do you want me?" Ari asked.

"With Madibo. At all times. You’re the owner. You did the negotiations with him." she explained and Ari nodded.

"Ok. Stuck to Madibo it is.”

"Am I doing anything?" Max asked.

"Like what? Showing him how you twist and bend in your pyjama pants." Jake replied, throwing him a piece of toast from his plate.

"Says the tanning scarecrow." Max glared at him as he dodge the flying food.

"Don't play with the food.” Ari instructed before he looked at Max “And actually you can keep an eye on Simon."

 "Are you sure you trust me with your itty bitty baby puppy?" Max looked at Ari questioning his suggestion. "Just two days ago you wanted to kill me for, and I quote, pup-napping your precious pooch."

"Better than letting him fuck Madibo’s leg." Jake scoffed.

"Exactly… that or biting him." Ari sided with Jake.

"He wouldn’t hump him. It's been a week since he saw that. Dogs have short term memories." Max offered casually.

"Ok, now shut the fuck up." Ari raised his voice.

"No, they don’t! How do they remember to sit and lay down if they only have a short term memory?" Jake inquired.

"Same as you remember to get dressed in the morning but can’t remember what you ate yesterday." Max explained and shrugged.

"Will you all shut up and help me clear the table?" Rachel said, standing up to remark with her actions she wanted the nonsense to be over.

 "Not sure I remember how." Jake snorted, amused at his own wit, which earned him a slap round the back of the head from Rachel.

**** The line for passport control was taking for ever and Hannah was losing patience. She had always hated this part of travelling plus her feeling of impatience was compounded by knowing that Ari was literally the other side of the door she could see. Finally she was called forward and after smiling at the Immigration officer who stamped her passport she walked through with her bag in her hand and out of the doors into the warm Sudan air. She glanced around for Ari, ready to leap into his arms, but she couldn’t see him. Instead she spotted Sammy waiting by the jeep. He smiled and came towards her and she grinned back, giving him a hug.

“Try not to look too disappointed I’m not Ari.” Her brother chuckled and Hannah snorted.

“Oh shut up, I’m just as happy to see you”

“Yeah right!” Sammy pulled back and picked up her bag as Hannah gave a roll of her eyes and followed him back to the jeep.

“How’s everyone been?” she asked.

“Good.” Sammy nodded “Ari nearly killed Max and Jake on Monday.” He tossed her bag into the back.

“Why?” Hannah asked as she climbed into the car.

“They took Simon out on the boat. Ari thought he’d lost him…kinda went a little bit mad, not as mad as he did when he got told he couldn’t pick you up.”

“Yeah why is that?”

“We got a tourist board visit.” Sammy answered as he set off “He’s with Colonel Madibo now, so when you arrive, you’re Rosa…”

“Noted.” Hannah nodded “So other than that has everyone been ok?”

“Yeah, other than Ari, he’s been a pain in the ass. Clinging to that dog like it’s his fucking kid…”

Hannah grinned and looked out of the window as they eased onto the main freeway out of the city. But, after a few minutes or so her grin slipped.  Sarah’s words had been stuck in her mind all day and night, and the worst bit about their conversation yesterday was that Hannah had wanted to tell Sarah she was wrong. She’d wanted to defend Ari but had been unable to because Sarah was right. He had put them second. And if Sarah’s comments about how Ari had refused to go to her wedding because he had still loved her were true, then that made her feel even worse about the whole situation, that she could somehow be responsible for Ari being the reckless asshole he was with regards to his marriage.

Hannah needed reassurance more than anything, reassurance that wasn’t the case and also an affirmation that once all this was over, he wasn’t just going to swan off into the sunset and leave her behind again. And whilst she could understand that he might not quit this life, and Hannah was ok with that, she knew that it could work because she’d seen her mother and father do so, what worried her was that her dad had manage to strike a balance . She wasn’t sure that Ari would be able to.

The only thing she did know was that if she had to watch Ari walk away again, it would kill her.

**** Ari, Rachel, Madibo and the two men he’d brought with him were just finishing lunch when Ari heard the sound of the jeep approaching. He tried to bite back his smile and caught Rachel’s eye. The look on her face told him his was failing, miserably.  

“Do we have company Mr Thomas?” Colonel Madibo frowned and looked at him, clearly having picked up the sound of the engine which was now louder as the jeep had pulled up outside. Ari hesitated and then thought, what the hell. He and Hannah weren’t a secret, plus the team had already stated at length how much it actually added to their cover. He took a deep breath and looked at the man, smiling “It’s My girlfriend, Rosa-“ Ari didn’t miss the smile that flickered across Rachel’s face when he uttered the words “-she’s been home to Spain for a week to see her mother. One of the other guys went to pick her up before.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were running this place as a partnership?” Madibo looked at him and Ari took a breath

“We weren’t…it’s…” he paused, rubbing his neck “…well, it’s a long story but we go way back and…”

“Say no more Mr Thomas, I get it.” Madibo grinned “The magic of the Red Sea” The man turned his head to look out of the large open lattice doors across the beach before he turned back to Ari “There is something very romantic about being by the ocean.”

“There certainly is.” Ari agreed with a smile. At that point he heard Hannah’s voice drifting down the hallway into the dining room as she jabbered away to her brother, her Spanish accent impeccable thanks to Sammy clearly having warned her about their visitors. Ari turned to look as she walked into the room dressed casually in jeans and a light blue button down sleeveless blouse. Her eyes met his and she beamed at him, a flash of what looked like relief crossed her face and he grinned, standing up. He crossed towards her and gave her a hug.

“Hi.” Hannah said gently into his ear.

“Hi yourself.” He replied, pulling back and giving her a quick kiss “Was your flight ok?”

Hannah nodded “No brat kicking my chair so…”

Ari laughed and then looked at Sammy who raised his eyebrows in the direction of the table. Slipping back in to professional, Guy Thomas mode he nodded and smiled.

“Come on guys, let me introduce you to our guests.” He took Hannah’s hand and led her to the table. “Colonel Madibo this is Rosa Garcia, she’s in charge of guest relations and this is Liam Anderson…” Ari gestured to Sammy “Our entertainment manager who also doubles up as our site doctor.”

“Pleasure to meet you both.” Madibo rose from his chair. He shook Sammy’s and then took Hannah’s clamping his other hand over the top of hers. He looked at her, smiling, before he turned to Ari “You are a lucky man Mr Thomas.”

Ari raised his eyebrows and smiled, looking at Hannah who flushed as Madibo let go of her hand. “I sure am.” He then turned to Hannah and frowned a little at the look on her face. She was smiling, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, almost like she was nervous. Maybe she was, after all, Madibo and his guard were quite imposing when all was said and done.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve had a long flight and need to freshen up.” She spoke, a little shyly “Would you please excuse me?”

“Of course, of course Miss Garcia.” Madibo bowed a little “It was a pleasure to meet you.” “You too Colonel.” She smiled, and turned to give Rachel a quick hug before she reached for her bag.

“I’ll do that.” Ari offered “I’ll fetch it in a little while.”

“Ok, thanks” she nodded, before she turned to leave, but paused, spinning back to look at Ari “Where’s Simon.” “With Max and Jake.” Ari said.

She nodded and gave them all another stiff sile before she scurried away.

Now Ari was sure something was bothering her. He looked at Sammy for some kind of clue but he was clearly as puzzled as he was as he shrugged slightly. He then turned to Rachel who met him with a blank look of her own. But, before he could dwell on it too much, Madibo spoke again causing Ari to turn back to him.

“We should be going anyway now, but I’m pleased with what you’ve done with the place.” The Colonel looked around, smiling “My report back to the President will be very favourable.”

“All free of charge, I hope.” Ari quipped and Madibo laughed, pointing at him

“You’re a funny man Mr Thomas!”

Rachel shot Ari a warning look and he simply shrugged, giving her a cheeky grin. They followed Madibo and his 2 guards out to the truck where they shook hands, thanked him for coming and bid him goodbye. No sooner had the truck gone Ari strode back inside, picked up Hannah’s bag and headed off towards her hut. She hadn’t made it back there, however, instead he found her halfway down the beach, crouching on the sand by Max with Simon going bananas as he jumped all over her, his tail wagging furiously, excited little whines coming from him as he licked her face.

“You happy to see momma buddy?” Ari chuckled as he stopped by her side.

“No, that’s his sad face.” Max deadpanned and Ari laughed, dropping a hand to Hannah’s head, gently caressing her hair.

“You ok Firefly?”

“Yeah, just tired.” Hannah stood up and looked at him.

“Wanna go rest?” he asked, his mind straying to the fact he was quite happy to go curl up next to her on the bed, maybe a little bit of something else, and from the snort that came from Max he wasn’t the only one thinking such things. “Piss off.” Ari turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

Max laughed “I’m gone…” Hannah and Ari both watched him leave and Ari wrapped his arms round Hannah’s back, pulling her into him, giving her a deep kiss. He pulled away, his nose bumping hers. “Wanna go lay down for a while?” Hannah shook her head. “No, if I do I won’t sleep later. Think I’m gonna get changed and hit the beach.” She said, glancing around.

“Oh, ok.” Ari tried not to sound too disappointed. He hadn’t seen her in over a week and she was pushing him away.  Now he knew for sure something was wrong, but he also knew if he pushed her too hard she’d clam up even more. Hannah looked at him, and he clearly hadn’t done as good a job of hiding his disappointment as he hoped as she took a deep breath, sliding her arms round his waist as she pressed into him, her cheek against his chest.

“I have something for you from Maya.” She said gently

Ari looked down frowning “You saw Maya?”

“No, I saw Sarah.”

“What?” his frown deepened.

“She left a note with Ethan, asking me to call her.” Hannah shrugged, stepping back.

“Why?”

“She wanted to talk to me.”

“What about?”

“Take a guess Ari” Hannah sighed and went to pick up her bag. Ari bat her hand away and picked it up, taking her hand in his spare as they walked silently towards her hut, Simon trotting in front of them. For the first time in weeks it was a little awkward between them, Ari unsure exactly what to say whereas Hannah was simply exhausted both physically and mentally. The relief she had felt upon seeing Ari had melted away and she was back to dwelling on what Sarah had said. Once they were inside her hut, Ari dropped Hannah’s bag on her bed. Without a word she reached into it and pulled out the envelope addressed to Daddy. Ari took it, glanced at the writing on the front, his breath catching a little before he looked at Hannah. “You know, you didn’t need to meet her.”

“Well I did, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“It clearly is.” Ari bit back, an air of frustration in his voice “I can tell somethings bothering you Hannah, so what did she want?”

“She was just curious I guess.” “Curious about what?” Ari’s temper was starting to fray and Hannah let out a growl of annoyance.

“About, us Ari, what do you think? She basically asked me outright if I loved you, then told me to ask you why you never came to my wedding and…” she paused as Ari groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “She said it was because you couldn’t bear to see me marry someone else.” Hannah looked at Ari, shaking her head. “Is that true?”

“Hannah, does it really matter?”

“It matters to me, yes!”

Ari sighed, looking down at the floor as he shook his head “Look, I loved Sarah, you know this…”

“For fucks sake, just tell me the truth Ari!”

“Yes, ok!” Ari snapped “The reason I didn’t come is because the thought of you with anyone else, well it made me sick. That what you wanted to hear?”

Hannah looked at him, blinking before she shrugged. “I don’t know to be honest with you.”

“Han…” “She made me feel like shit, Ari!” Hannah looked up at him, tears in her eyes “She basically said you’d been in love with me for the entire time you’d been married to her, that she was second best and…”

“For fucks sake…” Ari shook his head “She had no right to put that on you, no right at all.”

Hannah looked down at her feet, “I can’t blame her, Ari. I’d be the same in her position.”

Ari swallowed as he glanced at his feet, looking again at the letter in his hand before he raised his head to Hannah once more. “Did she say anything else?”

Hannah snorted “She wished me good luck, said I was gonna need it.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ari bit back angrily and Hannah let out a scoff.

“She meant when all this is over, the mission and we go back home.” She glanced at Ari and he was surprised now to see the angry fire in her eyes. “She said that she had never managed to stop you leaving before, even when she was pregnant and was basically implying that once we’re home and out of this little bubble then it would all be different and you’d leave me behind…”

“Ok, no, stop…” Ari held his hand up, tossing the letter onto her bed. “Firefly, listen…” he gently took her face in his hands “That’s not gonna happen. I told you before, I’m not letting you go again.”

“I know you did, and I believe you I do.” She shook her head “And I know that it’s different for us because I’ve lived this life too and I get what being in Mossad means, you know, my mom and dad made it work, but I just…oh, I can’t explain Ari.

“Try, please.” Ari looked at her, his hands gripping her face a little more, his thumbs stroking large arcs over her cheeks.

“I’m not sure you know how to strike a balance Ari. Between this and-“ she blinked and looked down as Ari licked his lips as his hands dropped to her hips.

“Hannah, it’s irrelevant…” “What do you mean it’s irrelevant?” she frowned “I think it’s highly relevant all things considered!”

“Look…” Ari took a deep breath “I never told you this, hell, I never told anyone this because I still wasn’t totally sure until a few weeks ago  but I’ve kinda decided that this mission is gonna be my last one in the field.” Whatever Hannah had been expecting Ari to say, it wasn’t that. As the implications of his words crashed over her she could do nothing but gape at him as he shrugged and continued.

“I’m 37 this year sweetheart, I've been doing this for longer than I care to remember. It’s dangerous and, well I’ve missed so much of Maya growing up I don’t wanna miss anymore or god forbid leave her behind for good should something happen.” He sighed, “Sarah’s right. I was a shit husband and a shit dad, I owe it to Maya to a least be a little less shit going forward.”

“Ari, I…” Hannah took a deep breath and shook her head “I’m not asking you to quit…” “I know.” He assured her, “And with the greatest of respect, I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for Munch.”

The relief crashed over Hannah in a wave. She’d been scared, not simply that Sarah had been right, but that if he did quit it would be for her, putting her first, and she didn’t want that. His daughter should be top of his priority list and to hear that it had finally hit home to him, well, it brought her a reprieve from the nagging feeling of guilt and turmoil she’d been feeling since she’d left that coffee shop in Tel Aviv. She looked up at her man, the smile creeping across her face and he dropped his head to rest against hers.

“Is that all that was bothering you?” he asked softly and she nodded in response. “So, are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.”

“Thank fuck for that, because I really wanna kiss you Han.”

She grinned and blinked looking up at him. “Nothing stopping you.”

With a flick of his eyebrow, Ari pulled her closer and dropped his face to hers, pressing their lips together. He kissed her softly at first before his tongue slid across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, letting out a soft sigh. Ari’s tongue lashed against the roof of her mouth as his hand slid upwards, tangling in her hair, the kiss deepening…

And then there was a knock at the door, punctuated by a responding bark from Simon.

“For fucks sake…” Ari groaned, as Hannah shrugged a little, moving to open it.

Rachel peered back at her, a little sheepishly “Sorry to intrude but, well, I wasn’t sure if you’d be joining us for dinner?”

“Dur.” Hannah nodded back as behind her, Ari sat on the edge of her bed, picking up the letter from Maya.

“Ok, I’ll let Aziz know. I’ll leave you to it.” Rachel smiled, and with that she was gone. Hannah turned round to see Ari opening the letter, pulling out the paper from the envelope.

“If you want to read that alone, I won’t be offended.” She began but Ari shook his head. Silently, Hannah sat next to him as he began to ready Maya’s untidy scrawl, his eyes misting over. It was nothing out of the ordinary, telling him about school, her friends, how Sarah had taken her to the zoo the previous weekend and she’d seen a man holding a snake, the typical ramblings he’d expect from a 7-almost 8-year old, but it was the first ever letter he’d had from her when on a mission and it choked him up, especially the bit when he said she hoped that Simon and Hannah were both ok too.

“She err…” Ari swallowed and looked at Hannah who gently reached out and brushed a tear from his cheek, a tear he hadn’t realise he’d shed “She says she hopes you and Simon are both ok.” Hannah smiled “Yeah, Sarah said she’d asked after me.”

“Han…” his voice broke and Hannah sighed, wrapping her arms around him as he buried his face into the crook of her shoulder. This was a side to Ari Levinson that very few people knew existed, a vulnerable, almost childish side. A side that just wanted to be comforted and loved, seeking out strength instead of giving it. Hannah knew that everyone took it for granted that he was the stalwart, forever stoic leader and forgot that underneath the cool agent façade there was a gentle, kind man. A flawed human, but a human all the same.  She gently rubbed at his back as he sniffed a little, pressing his face further into her neck. Hannah dropped a kiss to the top of his head and he pulled away, wiping at his eyes.

“You know…” she said softly, her head pressing to his “I really did miss the beach. Reckon Guy can sneak an afternoon off to spend with Rosa?” “Guy can take as much time to spend with Rosa as Rosa wants.” He smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

***** After clearing it with Rachel that neither of them were needed, the pair of them spent a nice afternoon together. They took 3 mile walk round the cliff edge, Simon examining the usual nooks and crannies as they walked hand in hand behind him. The sun blazed hot on both their necks and even in the late afternoon it showed no sign of giving up as they made their way back to the resort. Choosing a secluded spot away from any guests, not far from their cave, they flopped down onto the sand. Hannah pulled off her sundress and lay back as Ari shed his T-shirt and sat next to her, watching her for a moment, simply drinking her in before he lay back next to her and they continued to talk and laugh.  An hour or so later, just as the sun was starting to dip to the horizon, both were sticky and sweaty from the heat, and when Hannah suggested they should shower up before dinner Ari quipped he had a better idea.

“What…” Hannah’s voice turned into a shriek as Ari scooped her up and began walking quickly to the sea. “Lobo, don’t you dare!”

“Dare what?” he asked, wading in a little so the water was lapping at his waist.

“You know what!” she clung round his neck, laughing a little.

“No, sorry, can’t hear you…” he shook his head, wading a little further towards the spot he knew the shallow sand underneath him dropped a little, making the water deeper and cooler. Hannah glared at him and struggled in his arms

“I fucking swear to God…” but she was cut off as Ari gently tossed her into the waves where she disappeared under. She broke surface a split second later, spluttering as she wiped her hair back out of her face and saw Ari laughing at her, his entire handsome face creased up as his head tipped back, right hand reaching for his left pec. "El cabron..." she hissed the Spanish word for asshole at him, just one of the many insults in her mama's native tongue that he recognised, and swept her arm in a huge arc over the surface of the ocean, sending a wave of sorts straight over Ari's head. Shaking his hair off his face with the manner of a dog, Ari chuckled and reached out for her, his fingers digging and teasing a little  on her ribs where he knew she was especially sensitive. She wriggled a little, her hands resting on his broad chest as she tried to push away. Ari wasn't letting go though but he took pity, laughing as her head tipped back a little, her hands sliding up towards his face. Her delicate fingers tangled in his beard and she looked at him as his hands settled on her hips, guiding her towards him a little more. Her legs wrapped around his waist as it was too deep for her to stand up, and Ari remained with his feet planted on the soft sandy floor of the ocean, large hands on her back, submerged to his shoulders. And for the first time in a week, Ari felt at peace. "I missed you Firefly." He said softly as her lips gently brushed his before she pulled back to study his face, her arms round his neck. "I missed you too Mi Lobo." She smiled, her blue eyes as deep as the ocean they were currently bobbing in sparkled with love and lust and Ari's mouth was drier than it had ever been in his life. He felt a twitch in his groin, his arousal spiking and he actively fought back the groan that was bubbling in his throat. Fuck, she could reduce him to an absolute wreck, bring him to his knees both physically and metaphorically with a simple look in his direction. He needed her. "I'm thirsty Firefly..." he could taste the salt on her skin as his lips brushed her ear and she gave a shudder at his words, and he knew why. They were the same words he'd spoken to her one night when they had been together the first time round and Ari had been away for a week. He'd likened not seeing her to being deprived of water, to which she'd called him a dramatic asshole and laughed. Which was precisely what she was doing now. “There’s water everywhere.” Her voice was loaded with humour yet carried an undercover of suggestiveness his hands slid down to cup her ass. “But not a drop to drink.” He arched an eyebrow as he flexed his hips up slightly, bumping his semi-erect cock up against her core. Hannah gave a little moan as she clung to Ari, before she arched into him even more, pressing her lips to his. Ari��kissed her, furiously, tongues thrashing together as their teeth clashed, Ari's large hands sliding up Hannah's back, pinning her to him. One hand moved down her spine and slid round and over her hips, dipping into her bikini bottoms. Hannah gave a dirty croak in her throat as he started teasing her clit, his movements slow and deliberate and her hips soon began to work against his hand, desperately seeking out a way to satisfy the craving his touch was giving her. She was on fire. She wanted more, she needed more. "Ari..." she whispered, licking her lips as she reached down and wrapped a hand around his wrist. "Wanna feel you..." "Yeah?" His lips brushed hers and she nodded as his fingers plunged into her channel making her cry out. "Feel me like that?" She panted as his fingers continued, coaxing her to the brink. Hannah closed her eyes as she teetered on that edge, so close to falling but Ari stopped his movements abruptly. She gave a little choked moan at being so close but when she felt him shift underneath her, his hands leaving her body, she knew she wasn't going to feel dissatisfied for much longer. She felt the material of his swim shorts brush against her leg as he moved them down and she pressed her lips to his, kissing him again. His hand gently moved her swimwear bottoms to one side as she dropped one hand from his shoulder into the water, taking his cock in her palm causing him to hiss as she lined him up. With a slow, power full thrust upwards he filled her and Hannah rolled her head back in pleasure, her mouth open in a silent moan as she welcomed the familiar stretch. “God, Ari..." she gasped, her bikini clad breasts jostling with the staccato breath as she rose slightly out of the water. Her nails were biting his skin as her hands tightened on his shoulders. Her back was arched, her beautiful body open to him, and when Ari bottomed out he laid his forehead on her chest and breathed in. "My good girl, takes me so well..." he praised as he kissed her skin trailing a path up her sternum and throat until he met her lips, the salt from her skin was tangy on his taste buds. He began to trust slowly, deeply, rolling his hips as Hannah worked herself on him, desperately. “More.” she begged and Ari all but growled at her plea. "I need more, Lobo..." Ari rutted upwards furiously, over and over and Hannah's back arched in pleasure. He leaned forward, nipping at her neck, then soothing the sting of his bites with his tongue as he slid his hand into her hair at the base of her skull and pressed his lips to hers, keeping her head anchored in place. The kiss because sloppy and she panted into his mouth, lips parted. "Ari...I'm gonna..."  her words died off as Ari kissed her again swallowing the involuntary shaky whimper she made as she came, clenching around him. He thrust through her orgasm, picking up the pace as he rushed towards his own end and with a deep thrust he stilled as the pleasure pulsed through him, his cock twitching as he emptied himself inside her. With a few final and shallow thrusts he stilled, his forehead resting against hers as he breathed deeply, eyes closed, waiting for the world to right itself. 

“You ok?” Ari asked, his breathing deep and Hannah gave a soft hum of response as his nose brushed against hers, as she opened her eyes to look at him, her entire face lit up with that blissful happiness he’d come to know and love even more this time round.

It was pretty dark now, and aware that they were in the middle of the ocean, Ari pulled back and placed a kiss to Hannah’s head.

“Come on Firefly, it’s been a long day. Let’s get some dinner and then we can go to bed.” He said softly and she gave a little sigh as he shifted, pulling out of her, readjusting his shorts all the while keeping her supported. She kept her legs round his waist as he walked them to the shallower water and then when he attempted to stand up she refused to let go, giving a giggle as he sighed, shaking his head. “Seriously?”

“You said yourself, it’s been a long day.” She grinned “I’m tired.” “You’re actually gonna make me carry you up the beach?”

“Yup.” She nodded.

“Fucking brat.” He snorted and she laughed, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“If you’re a good boy and do as I ask, then maybe after dinner I’ll show you how grateful I am.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” Ari grinned and stood up quickly hooking his arms under her legs as he swooped her up out of the water, bridal style. Her laughs carried across the slight breeze as he walked them down the still warm, sugar white sand towards her hut.

**** Chapter 12 Part 1

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Leave No One Behind

Ch 11- Mama Don’t Preach Part 2

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: It’s Hannah’s turn to head home for a week to see her Mama, and there’s a surprise request waiting for her too. Meanwhile, back in Sudan Ari’s left holding the baby...or in this case, puppy…

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, 18+ only)- in Part 2

Episode Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Song for Episode:  

A/N: Please read Part 1 first…

The morning the tourist board visit was due Ari woke up early, which was unusual ever since he started sharing the bed with Hannah. Actually, it wasn't that unusual, he was still an early bird but he liked to lay in with her in his arms once both of them were awake until they heard someone else was up and it was time for them to tend to breakfast for the guests. He stretched and turned his head a little, grinning as he felt Hannah’s face by his head, but then he wrinkled his nose as she was licking his ear.

Ok, so that was new.

"Han…" he chuckled "Babe…"

Then there was a little whine followed by a tiny bark. Ari frowned and opened one eye to realise that it was in fact Simon’s tongue that was stuck in his ear.

"Gross pal… gross." he groaned as he shoved the dog away from his face. Ari then rolled onto his back and ran a hand through his hair, smiling as he realised Hannah was due back that day. 7 long days and nights without her, it had been crap. And he had to admit, he hadn’t been in a great mood. In fact, if he was being fully honest, he was totally aware he had been a nightmare to the rest of the team. And he still wasn’t particularly pleased he couldn’t go pick her up but… well, she’d be home in… he reached over for his watch and saw it was just gone 7:30 so she’d be home in round about 5 hours all things considered. 

That made him smile again, it really wasn’t long at all now. So he stretched out, before he swung his legs out of bed, got dressed, shoved on his sneakers and then whistled to Simon. He opened his door and stepped out onto the sand, the sea lightly illuminated by the early morning sun, and the two of them headed out for a run before the rest of the resort awoke. 

About an hour or so later after a jog and a slower walk down the coast path Ari returned, showered and headed down to the main building. The rest of the team was already at the table for breakfast. After nodding to a few guests he sat down next to Sammy, reaching for the coffee pot.

"Morning." he greeted, his tone chipper, as he poured a cup.

"Oh my God." Max gasped.

"What?"

Max ignored Ari and turned to Jake instead. "Did you see that?"

Jake nodded. "I know man, I can’t believe it."

“Believe what? Ari asked, looking around the table.

"You, smiling." Max explained with a grin across his face.

Ari rolled his eyes. "Oh, fuck off."

Besides him Sammy sniggered so Ari playfully gave him a dig with his elbow and Sammy laughed even harder, rubbing his side.

"I’m glad you’re in a good mood today because Madibo will be here in 2 hours or so and we don’t need a bratty owner. So you need to stay as charming Guy Thomas and not the sulking, whiny bitch you’ve been for the past week." Rachel instructed, looking intently at him.

Ari was about to argue but Rachel narrowed her eyes at him and he sighed, shrugging. Truth be told he had no argument. 

"Oh he’ll be charming alright… but not for Madibo." Jake joked and Max let out his characteristic laugh. 

"Oh come on, I’ve not been that bad." Ari tried to defend himself.

The entire table started to scoff and took turns in pointing out to him that he had been that bad and Ari snorted, shaking his head.

"You’ve been worse than Sammy is." Rachel deadpanned but her eyes were soft on Sammy who played the offended victim

"Hey!"

"She’s right." Max agreed.

"Ok, I’ll admit…I’ve been a little bit tetchy." Ari said as he lowered his head in defeat.

"I bet when me or Max leave no one is gonna bat an eyelid." Max quipped. At that point Simon barked and Jake acknowledged him

 "Thanks buddy, I’ll miss you too."

There was a roar of laughter and then Sammy turned to Ari. "You know tetchy doesn’t even begin to describe it."

"Fuck you Sammy." Ari jokingly retorted.

Sammy laughed and stood up. "All right, I’m so overwhelmed with the love you are all giving me this morning."

"What are you doing? Sit down and shut up." Ari commanded, shaking his head.

"I can’t. I need to shower and then set off to pick my sister up. You remember her?"

"No, he doesn’t. Absolutely not…" Max said playfully.

"You know what, Navon…" Ari trailed off as Sammy grinned at him as he snatched up another piece of toast and left the table. "Drive safe! Be careful with the cargo" Ari called across the room.

Max and Jake both snorted as Sammy flicked Ari the bird over his shoulder before he left the room. And Rachel sighed before she demanded their attention and started telling them her plan for Madibo.

"So Jake is going to start with the diving area, show him the facilities, how we run the tours, take him out on a boat to show him the diving spots from the surface."

"Yeah if I take him over the wreck he’ll be able to see it." Jake offered.

Rachel nodded before continuing. "Then a tour of the rest of the facility, show him what we’ve done with the place. He can speak to a few guests. I don't know, see the guest book and the reviews. And then lunch."

"Great, sounds good. Where do you want me?" Ari asked.

"With Madibo. At all times. You’re the owner. You did the negotiations with him." she explained and Ari nodded.

"Ok. Stuck to Madibo it is.”

"Am I doing anything?" Max asked.

"Like what? Showing him how you twist and bend in your pyjama pants." Jake replied, throwing him a piece of toast from his plate.

"Says the tanning scarecrow." Max glared at him as he dodge the flying food.

"Don't play with the food.” Ari instructed before he looked at Max “And actually you can keep an eye on Simon."

 "Are you sure you trust me with your itty bitty baby puppy?" Max looked at Ari questioning his suggestion. "Just two days ago you wanted to kill me for, and I quote, pup-napping your precious pooch."

"Better than letting him fuck Madibo’s leg." Jake scoffed.

"Exactly… that or biting him." Ari sided with Jake.

"He wouldn’t hump him. It's been a week since he saw that. Dogs have short term memories." Max offered casually.

"Ok, now shut the fuck up." Ari raised his voice.

"No, they don’t! How do they remember to sit and lay down if they only have a short term memory?" Jake inquired.

"Same as you remember to get dressed in the morning but can’t remember what you ate yesterday." Max explained and shrugged.

"Will you all shut up and help me clear the table?" Rachel said, standing up to remark with her actions she wanted the nonsense to be over.

 "Not sure I remember how." Jake snorted, amused at his own wit, which earned him a slap round the back of the head from Rachel.

**** The line for passport control was taking for ever and Hannah was losing patience. She had always hated this part of travelling plus her feeling of impatience was compounded by knowing that Ari was literally the other side of the door she could see. Finally she was called forward and after smiling at the Immigration officer who stamped her passport she walked through with her bag in her hand and out of the doors into the warm Sudan air. She glanced around for Ari, ready to leap into his arms, but she couldn’t see him. Instead she spotted Sammy waiting by the jeep. He smiled and came towards her and she grinned back, giving him a hug.

“Try not to look too disappointed I’m not Ari.” Her brother chuckled and Hannah snorted.

“Oh shut up, I’m just as happy to see you”

“Yeah right!” Sammy pulled back and picked up her bag as Hannah gave a roll of her eyes and followed him back to the jeep.

“How’s everyone been?” she asked.

“Good.” Sammy nodded “Ari nearly killed Max and Jake on Monday.” He tossed her bag into the back.

“Why?” Hannah asked as she climbed into the car.

“They took Simon out on the boat. Ari thought he’d lost him…kinda went a little bit mad, not as mad as he did when he got told he couldn’t pick you up.”

“Yeah why is that?”

“We got a tourist board visit.” Sammy answered as he set off “He’s with Colonel Madibo now, so when you arrive, you’re Rosa…”

“Noted.” Hannah nodded “So other than that has everyone been ok?”

“Yeah, other than Ari, he’s been a pain in the ass. Clinging to that dog like it’s his fucking kid…”

Hannah grinned and looked out of the window as they eased onto the main freeway out of the city. But, after a few minutes or so her grin slipped.  Sarah’s words had been stuck in her mind all day and night, and the worst bit about their conversation yesterday was that Hannah had wanted to tell Sarah she was wrong. She’d wanted to defend Ari but had been unable to because Sarah was right. He had put them second. And if Sarah’s comments about how Ari had refused to go to her wedding because he had still loved her were true, then that made her feel even worse about the whole situation, that she could somehow be responsible for Ari being the reckless asshole he was with regards to his marriage.

Hannah needed reassurance more than anything, reassurance that wasn’t the case and also an affirmation that once all this was over, he wasn’t just going to swan off into the sunset and leave her behind again. And whilst she could understand that he might not quit this life, and Hannah was ok with that, she knew that it could work because she’d seen her mother and father do so, what worried her was that her dad had manage to strike a balance . She wasn’t sure that Ari would be able to.

The only thing she did know was that if she had to watch Ari walk away again, it would kill her.

**** Ari, Rachel, Madibo and the two men he’d brought with him were just finishing lunch when Ari heard the sound of the jeep approaching. He tried to bite back his smile and caught Rachel’s eye. The look on her face told him his was failing, miserably.  

“Do we have company Mr Thomas?” Colonel Madibo frowned and looked at him, clearly having picked up the sound of the engine which was now louder as the jeep had pulled up outside. Ari hesitated and then thought, what the hell. He and Hannah weren’t a secret, plus the team had already stated at length how much it actually added to their cover. He took a deep breath and looked at the man, smiling “It’s My girlfriend, Rosa-“ Ari didn’t miss the smile that flickered across Rachel’s face when he uttered the words “-she’s been home to Spain for a week to see her mother. One of the other guys went to pick her up before.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were running this place as a partnership?” Madibo looked at him and Ari took a breath

“We weren’t…it’s…” he paused, rubbing his neck “…well, it’s a long story but we go way back and…”

“Say no more Mr Thomas, I get it.” Madibo grinned “The magic of the Red Sea” The man turned his head to look out of the large open lattice doors across the beach before he turned back to Ari “There is something very romantic about being by the ocean.”

“There certainly is.” Ari agreed with a smile. At that point he heard Hannah’s voice drifting down the hallway into the dining room as she jabbered away to her brother, her Spanish accent impeccable thanks to Sammy clearly having warned her about their visitors. Ari turned to look as she walked into the room dressed casually in jeans and a light blue button down sleeveless blouse. Her eyes met his and she beamed at him, a flash of what looked like relief crossed her face and he grinned, standing up. He crossed towards her and gave her a hug.

“Hi.” Hannah said gently into his ear.

“Hi yourself.” He replied, pulling back and giving her a quick kiss “Was your flight ok?”

Hannah nodded “No brat kicking my chair so…”

Ari laughed and then looked at Sammy who raised his eyebrows in the direction of the table. Slipping back in to professional, Guy Thomas mode he nodded and smiled.

“Come on guys, let me introduce you to our guests.” He took Hannah’s hand and led her to the table. “Colonel Madibo this is Rosa Garcia, she’s in charge of guest relations and this is Liam Anderson…” Ari gestured to Sammy “Our entertainment manager who also doubles up as our site doctor.”

“Pleasure to meet you both.” Madibo rose from his chair. He shook Sammy’s and then took Hannah’s clamping his other hand over the top of hers. He looked at her, smiling, before he turned to Ari “You are a lucky man Mr Thomas.”

Ari raised his eyebrows and smiled, looking at Hannah who flushed as Madibo let go of her hand. “I sure am.” He then turned to Hannah and frowned a little at the look on her face. She was smiling, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, almost like she was nervous. Maybe she was, after all, Madibo and his guard were quite imposing when all was said and done.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve had a long flight and need to freshen up.” She spoke, a little shyly “Would you please excuse me?”

“Of course, of course Miss Garcia.” Madibo bowed a little “It was a pleasure to meet you.” “You too Colonel.” She smiled, and turned to give Rachel a quick hug before she reached for her bag.

“I’ll do that.” Ari offered “I’ll fetch it in a little while.”

“Ok, thanks” she nodded, before she turned to leave, but paused, spinning back to look at Ari “Where’s Simon.” “With Max and Jake.” Ari said.

She nodded and gave them all another stiff sile before she scurried away.

Now Ari was sure something was bothering her. He looked at Sammy for some kind of clue but he was clearly as puzzled as he was as he shrugged slightly. He then turned to Rachel who met him with a blank look of her own. But, before he could dwell on it too much, Madibo spoke again causing Ari to turn back to him.

“We should be going anyway now, but I’m pleased with what you’ve done with the place.” The Colonel looked around, smiling “My report back to the President will be very favourable.”

“All free of charge, I hope.” Ari quipped and Madibo laughed, pointing at him

“You’re a funny man Mr Thomas!”

Rachel shot Ari a warning look and he simply shrugged, giving her a cheeky grin. They followed Madibo and his 2 guards out to the truck where they shook hands, thanked him for coming and bid him goodbye. No sooner had the truck gone Ari strode back inside, picked up Hannah’s bag and headed off towards her hut. She hadn’t made it back there, however, instead he found her halfway down the beach, crouching on the sand by Max with Simon going bananas as he jumped all over her, his tail wagging furiously, excited little whines coming from him as he licked her face.

“You happy to see momma buddy?” Ari chuckled as he stopped by her side.

“No, that’s his sad face.” Max deadpanned and Ari laughed, dropping a hand to Hannah’s head, gently caressing her hair.

“You ok Firefly?”

“Yeah, just tired.” Hannah stood up and looked at him.

“Wanna go rest?” he asked, his mind straying to the fact he was quite happy to go curl up next to her on the bed, maybe a little bit of something else, and from the snort that came from Max he wasn’t the only one thinking such things. “Piss off.” Ari turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

Max laughed “I’m gone…” Hannah and Ari both watched him leave and Ari wrapped his arms round Hannah’s back, pulling her into him, giving her a deep kiss. He pulled away, his nose bumping hers. “Wanna go lay down for a while?” Hannah shook her head. “No, if I do I won’t sleep later. Think I’m gonna get changed and hit the beach.” She said, glancing around.

“Oh, ok.” Ari tried not to sound too disappointed. He hadn’t seen her in over a week and she was pushing him away.  Now he knew for sure something was wrong, but he also knew if he pushed her too hard she’d clam up even more. Hannah looked at him, and he clearly hadn’t done as good a job of hiding his disappointment as he hoped as she took a deep breath, sliding her arms round his waist as she pressed into him, her cheek against his chest.

“I have something for you from Maya.” She said gently

Ari looked down frowning “You saw Maya?”

“No, I saw Sarah.”

“What?” his frown deepened.

“She left a note with Ethan, asking me to call her.” Hannah shrugged, stepping back.

“Why?”

“She wanted to talk to me.”

“What about?”

“Take a guess Ari” Hannah sighed and went to pick up her bag. Ari bat her hand away and picked it up, taking her hand in his spare as they walked silently towards her hut, Simon trotting in front of them. For the first time in weeks it was a little awkward between them, Ari unsure exactly what to say whereas Hannah was simply exhausted both physically and mentally. The relief she had felt upon seeing Ari had melted away and she was back to dwelling on what Sarah had said. Once they were inside her hut, Ari dropped Hannah’s bag on her bed. Without a word she reached into it and pulled out the envelope addressed to Daddy. Ari took it, glanced at the writing on the front, his breath catching a little before he looked at Hannah. “You know, you didn’t need to meet her.”

“Well I did, it wasn’t a big deal.”

“It clearly is.” Ari bit back, an air of frustration in his voice “I can tell somethings bothering you Hannah, so what did she want?”

“She was just curious I guess.” “Curious about what?” Ari’s temper was starting to fray and Hannah let out a growl of annoyance.

“About, us Ari, what do you think? She basically asked me outright if I loved you, then told me to ask you why you never came to my wedding and…” she paused as Ari groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “She said it was because you couldn’t bear to see me marry someone else.” Hannah looked at Ari, shaking her head. “Is that true?”

“Hannah, does it really matter?”

“It matters to me, yes!”

Ari sighed, looking down at the floor as he shook his head “Look, I loved Sarah, you know this…”

“For fucks sake, just tell me the truth Ari!”

“Yes, ok!” Ari snapped “The reason I didn’t come is because the thought of you with anyone else, well it made me sick. That what you wanted to hear?”

Hannah looked at him, blinking before she shrugged. “I don’t know to be honest with you.”

“Han…” “She made me feel like shit, Ari!” Hannah looked up at him, tears in her eyes “She basically said you’d been in love with me for the entire time you’d been married to her, that she was second best and…”

“For fucks sake…” Ari shook his head “She had no right to put that on you, no right at all.”

Hannah looked down at her feet, “I can’t blame her, Ari. I’d be the same in her position.”

Ari swallowed as he glanced at his feet, looking again at the letter in his hand before he raised his head to Hannah once more. “Did she say anything else?”

Hannah snorted “She wished me good luck, said I was gonna need it.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Ari bit back angrily and Hannah let out a scoff.

“She meant when all this is over, the mission and we go back home.” She glanced at Ari and he was surprised now to see the angry fire in her eyes. “She said that she had never managed to stop you leaving before, even when she was pregnant and was basically implying that once we’re home and out of this little bubble then it would all be different and you’d leave me behind…”

“Ok, no, stop…” Ari held his hand up, tossing the letter onto her bed. “Firefly, listen…” he gently took her face in his hands “That’s not gonna happen. I told you before, I’m not letting you go again.”

“I know you did, and I believe you I do.” She shook her head “And I know that it’s different for us because I’ve lived this life too and I get what being in Mossad means, you know, my mom and dad made it work, but I just…oh, I can’t explain Ari.

“Try, please.” Ari looked at her, his hands gripping her face a little more, his thumbs stroking large arcs over her cheeks.

“I’m not sure you know how to strike a balance Ari. Between this and-“ she blinked and looked down as Ari licked his lips as his hands dropped to her hips.

“Hannah, it’s irrelevant…” “What do you mean it’s irrelevant?” she frowned “I think it’s highly relevant all things considered!”

“Look…” Ari took a deep breath “I never told you this, hell, I never told anyone this because I still wasn’t totally sure until a few weeks ago  but I’ve kinda decided that this mission is gonna be my last one in the field.” Whatever Hannah had been expecting Ari to say, it wasn’t that. As the implications of his words crashed over her she could do nothing but gape at him as he shrugged and continued.

“I’m 37 this year sweetheart, I've been doing this for longer than I care to remember. It’s dangerous and, well I’ve missed so much of Maya growing up I don’t wanna miss anymore or god forbid leave her behind for good should something happen.” He sighed, “Sarah’s right. I was a shit husband and a shit dad, I owe it to Maya to a least be a little less shit going forward.”

“Ari, I…” Hannah took a deep breath and shook her head “I’m not asking you to quit…” “I know.” He assured her, “And with the greatest of respect, I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it for Munch.”

The relief crashed over Hannah in a wave. She’d been scared, not simply that Sarah had been right, but that if he did quit it would be for her, putting her first, and she didn’t want that. His daughter should be top of his priority list and to hear that it had finally hit home to him, well, it brought her a reprieve from the nagging feeling of guilt and turmoil she’d been feeling since she’d left that coffee shop in Tel Aviv. She looked up at her man, the smile creeping across her face and he dropped his head to rest against hers.

“Is that all that was bothering you?” he asked softly and she nodded in response. “So, are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.”

“Thank fuck for that, because I really wanna kiss you Han.”

She grinned and blinked looking up at him. “Nothing stopping you.”

With a flick of his eyebrow, Ari pulled her closer and dropped his face to hers, pressing their lips together. He kissed her softly at first before his tongue slid across her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, letting out a soft sigh. Ari’s tongue lashed against the roof of her mouth as his hand slid upwards, tangling in her hair, the kiss deepening…

And then there was a knock at the door, punctuated by a responding bark from Simon.

“For fucks sake…” Ari groaned, as Hannah shrugged a little, moving to open it.

Rachel peered back at her, a little sheepishly “Sorry to intrude but, well, I wasn’t sure if you’d be joining us for dinner?”

“Dur.” Hannah nodded back as behind her, Ari sat on the edge of her bed, picking up the letter from Maya.

“Ok, I’ll let Aziz know. I’ll leave you to it.” Rachel smiled, and with that she was gone. Hannah turned round to see Ari opening the letter, pulling out the paper from the envelope.

“If you want to read that alone, I won’t be offended.” She began but Ari shook his head. Silently, Hannah sat next to him as he began to ready Maya’s untidy scrawl, his eyes misting over. It was nothing out of the ordinary, telling him about school, her friends, how Sarah had taken her to the zoo the previous weekend and she’d seen a man holding a snake, the typical ramblings he’d expect from a 7-almost 8-year old, but it was the first ever letter he’d had from her when on a mission and it choked him up, especially the bit when he said she hoped that Simon and Hannah were both ok too.

“She err…” Ari swallowed and looked at Hannah who gently reached out and brushed a tear from his cheek, a tear he hadn’t realise he’d shed “She says she hopes you and Simon are both ok.” Hannah smiled “Yeah, Sarah said she’d asked after me.”

“Han…” his voice broke and Hannah sighed, wrapping her arms around him as he buried his face into the crook of her shoulder. This was a side to Ari Levinson that very few people knew existed, a vulnerable, almost childish side. A side that just wanted to be comforted and loved, seeking out strength instead of giving it. Hannah knew that everyone took it for granted that he was the stalwart, forever stoic leader and forgot that underneath the cool agent façade there was a gentle, kind man. A flawed human, but a human all the same.  She gently rubbed at his back as he sniffed a little, pressing his face further into her neck. Hannah dropped a kiss to the top of his head and he pulled away, wiping at his eyes.

“You know…” she said softly, her head pressing to his “I really did miss the beach. Reckon Guy can sneak an afternoon off to spend with Rosa?” “Guy can take as much time to spend with Rosa as Rosa wants.” He smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

***** After clearing it with Rachel that neither of them were needed, the pair of them spent a nice afternoon together. They took 3 mile walk round the cliff edge, Simon examining the usual nooks and crannies as they walked hand in hand behind him. The sun blazed hot on both their necks and even in the late afternoon it showed no sign of giving up as they made their way back to the resort. Choosing a secluded spot away from any guests, not far from their cave, they flopped down onto the sand. Hannah pulled off her sundress and lay back as Ari shed his T-shirt and sat next to her, watching her for a moment, simply drinking her in before he lay back next to her and they continued to talk and laugh.  An hour or so later, just as the sun was starting to dip to the horizon, both were sticky and sweaty from the heat, and when Hannah suggested they should shower up before dinner Ari quipped he had a better idea.

“What…” Hannah’s voice turned into a shriek as Ari scooped her up and began walking quickly to the sea. “Lobo, don’t you dare!”

“Dare what?” he asked, wading in a little so the water was lapping at his waist.

“You know what!” she clung round his neck, laughing a little.

“No, sorry, can’t hear you…” he shook his head, wading a little further towards the spot he knew the shallow sand underneath him dropped a little, making the water deeper and cooler. Hannah glared at him and struggled in his arms

“I fucking swear to God…” but she was cut off as Ari gently tossed her into the waves where she disappeared under. She broke surface a split second later, spluttering as she wiped her hair back out of her face and saw Ari laughing at her, his entire handsome face creased up as his head tipped back, right hand reaching for his left pec. "El cabron..." she hissed the Spanish word for asshole at him, just one of the many insults in her mama's native tongue that he recognised, and swept her arm in a huge arc over the surface of the ocean, sending a wave of sorts straight over Ari's head. Shaking his hair off his face with the manner of a dog, Ari chuckled and reached out for her, his fingers digging and teasing a little  on her ribs where he knew she was especially sensitive. She wriggled a little, her hands resting on his broad chest as she tried to push away. Ari wasn't letting go though but he took pity, laughing as her head tipped back a little, her hands sliding up towards his face. Her delicate fingers tangled in his beard and she looked at him as his hands settled on her hips, guiding her towards him a little more. Her legs wrapped around his waist as it was too deep for her to stand up, and Ari remained with his feet planted on the soft sandy floor of the ocean, large hands on her back, submerged to his shoulders. And for the first time in a week, Ari felt at peace. "I missed you Firefly." He said softly as her lips gently brushed his before she pulled back to study his face, her arms round his neck. "I missed you too Mi Lobo." She smiled, her blue eyes as deep as the ocean they were currently bobbing in sparkled with love and lust and Ari's mouth was drier than it had ever been in his life. He felt a twitch in his groin, his arousal spiking and he actively fought back the groan that was bubbling in his throat. Fuck, she could reduce him to an absolute wreck, bring him to his knees both physically and metaphorically with a simple look in his direction. He needed her. "I'm thirsty Firefly..." he could taste the salt on her skin as his lips brushed her ear and she gave a shudder at his words, and he knew why. They were the same words he'd spoken to her one night when they had been together the first time round and Ari had been away for a week. He'd likened not seeing her to being deprived of water, to which she'd called him a dramatic asshole and laughed. Which was precisely what she was doing now. “There’s water everywhere.” Her voice was loaded with humour yet carried an undercover of suggestiveness his hands slid down to cup her ass. “But not a drop to drink.” He arched an eyebrow as he flexed his hips up slightly, bumping his semi-erect cock up against her core. Hannah gave a little moan as she clung to Ari, before she arched into him even more, pressing her lips to his. Ari kissed her, furiously, tongues thrashing together as their teeth clashed, Ari's large hands sliding up Hannah's back, pinning her to him. One hand moved down her spine and slid round and over her hips, dipping into her bikini bottoms. Hannah gave a dirty croak in her throat as he started teasing her clit, his movements slow and deliberate and her hips soon began to work against his hand, desperately seeking out a way to satisfy the craving his touch was giving her. She was on fire. She wanted more, she needed more. "Ari..." she whispered, licking her lips as she reached down and wrapped a hand around his wrist. "Wanna feel you..." "Yeah?" His lips brushed hers and she nodded as his fingers plunged into her channel making her cry out. "Feel me like that?" She panted as his fingers continued, coaxing her to the brink. Hannah closed her eyes as she teetered on that edge, so close to falling but Ari stopped his movements abruptly. She gave a little choked moan at being so close but when she felt him shift underneath her, his hands leaving her body, she knew she wasn't going to feel dissatisfied for much longer. She felt the material of his swim shorts brush against her leg as he moved them down and she pressed her lips to his, kissing him again. His hand gently moved her swimwear bottoms to one side as she dropped one hand from his shoulder into the water, taking his cock in her palm causing him to hiss as she lined him up. With a slow, power full thrust upwards he filled her and Hannah rolled her head back in pleasure, her mouth open in a silent moan as she welcomed the familiar stretch. “God, Ari..." she gasped, her bikini clad breasts jostling with the staccato breath as she rose slightly out of the water. Her nails were biting his skin as her hands tightened on his shoulders. Her back was arched, her beautiful body open to him, and when Ari bottomed out he laid his forehead on her chest and breathed in. "My good girl, takes me so well..." he praised as he kissed her skin trailing a path up her sternum and throat until he met her lips, the salt from her skin was tangy on his taste buds. He began to trust slowly, deeply, rolling his hips as Hannah worked herself on him, desperately. “More.” she begged and Ari all but growled at her plea. "I need more, Lobo..." Ari rutted upwards furiously, over and over and Hannah's back arched in pleasure. He leaned forward, nipping at her neck, then soothing the sting of his bites with his tongue as he slid his hand into her hair at the base of her skull and pressed his lips to hers, keeping her head anchored in place. The kiss because sloppy and she panted into his mouth, lips parted. "Ari...I'm gonna..."  her words died off as Ari kissed her again swallowing the involuntary shaky whimper she made as she came, clenching around him. He thrust through her orgasm, picking up the pace as he rushed towards his own end and with a deep thrust he stilled as the pleasure pulsed through him, his cock twitching as he emptied himself inside her. With a few final and shallow thrusts he stilled, his forehead resting against hers as he breathed deeply, eyes closed, waiting for the world to right itself. 

“You ok?” Ari asked, his breathing deep and Hannah gave a soft hum of response as his nose brushed against hers, as she opened her eyes to look at him, her entire face lit up with that blissful happiness he’d come to know and love even more this time round.

It was pretty dark now, and aware that they were in the middle of the ocean, Ari pulled back and placed a kiss to Hannah’s head.

“Come on Firefly, it’s been a long day. Let’s get some dinner and then we can go to bed.” He said softly and she gave a little sigh as he shifted, pulling out of her, readjusting his shorts all the while keeping her supported. She kept her legs round his waist as he walked them to the shallower water and then when he attempted to stand up she refused to let go, giving a giggle as he sighed, shaking his head. “Seriously?”

“You said yourself, it’s been a long day.” She grinned “I’m tired.” “You’re actually gonna make me carry you up the beach?”

“Yup.” She nodded.

“Fucking brat.” He snorted and she laughed, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“If you’re a good boy and do as I ask, then maybe after dinner I’ll show you how grateful I am.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” Ari grinned and stood up quickly hooking his arms under her legs as he swooped her up out of the water, bridal style. Her laughs carried across the slight breeze as he walked them down the still warm, sugar white sand towards her hut.

[adventuresinwonderlust]

Title: Ace and Min: Part 1

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader aka “Ace”

Warnings: Fluff, best friends to lovers, angst like a lot, slight crack, slight smut, abusive speak/language, talks of/and abusive behavior, talks of/toxic relationship

Rating: 18 and over

Your phone pings back to back as you load yourself into the taxi. You read over the messages your now ex has sent you. “You will never be anyone without me.” “Are you with that little shit Yoongi? He can’t beat me! He's a whiny little shit!” You choose not to answer as you tell the driver the address in which you were headed. Your phone pings once more. “Answer me bitch! I always knew you guys were more than friends. I see the way he looks at you. You think he can take my place?” Once again you choose not to respond, instead opting to switch the ring to silent. You hadn’t told your best friend of two years, that you had finally broke it off with your cheating jerk of a boyfriend. You didn’t want to damper the mood of your trip. You were surprisingly happy and excited at the thought of leaving your life behind and seeing your friend, even under the circumstances. Yoongi had just moved to Los Angeles six months ago and this has been the longest you two had ever been away from each other. The taxi driver couldn’t get you there any faster. “I’m in the cab and on my way to you.” You text Yoongi with a wink emoji. You didn’t want to think of anything sad or bad, you just wanted to be with the one person you knew understood you and loved you without cause or reason.

You exit the taxi, lugging your belongings with you into the luxury building of your best friends’ new apartment. He had just become more popular in the music producing game and was constantly busy, but you guys always made sure to stay connected. This was your first time visiting him at his new place and he had gushed about how beyond excited he was to be able to take the time off together to enjoy the fruits of his labor. When you booked your flight, he made sure to clear his schedule, he vowed no work and all play. You reread his message regarding the lock code to gain entry to his apartment during your ride up in the elevator. Once on the top floor, the elevator doors opened to reveal a large black door equipped with said keypad. You typed in the numbers, realizing as you did that it was your birthday. You enter the apartment and are greeted by a surprisingly simple and humble set up. You graze your hand across the top of the plush couch you once fawned over in a magazine and breath in the scent of an overgrown honeysuckle plant, making sure not to trample its long vines as you walk past along the corridor, as you make your way to the back of the apartment.

“Honey! I'm home!” You shout playfully down the hall. Suddenly a door opens, and you’re greeted by the wide gummy smile of your bestie! He playfully covers his face with his large, veiny hands but quickly drops them to reveal his smiling face once more. “You look amazing Ace!” He chuckles, opening his arms for a hug. All your emotions hit you at once as you run into his arms, knocking the wind out of him. “Minmin!” You say into his neck, warm tears streaming down your face. You squeeze tighter as a sob suddenly escapes your throat. “Hey, hey,” He rubs your back, “What's wrong? Am I that terrible looking at this time of night?” He jokes. You force a laugh. He takes you by the chin and turns your face to him being sure to pull your curls from your face. He looks you over concernedly. “Seriously, are you ok? Talk to me.” He wipes the tears from your eyes and you quickly hide your face in his neck once more. “I missed you so much! I just didn’t realize how much until I saw you.” You mumble into him. He chuckles while hugging you tightly again. “I’ve missed you too y/n. I don’t know if I'm gonna cry about it, but I did miss you.” He laughs causing you to join in while shoving him away. He continues laughing as he reaches out and grabs your wrist. He pulls you back into his embraced and you take a moment to breath him in. Vanilla and Eucalyptus, the smells of comfort, the smells of Yoongi. “Did you eat? Are you hungry? I didn’t prepare anything, but I do have ramen.” He offers, still rubbing your back. “No, thank you but you can show me around your fancy place, Min.” You say, releasing him now. He nods and waves you to follow him. “Down here is the guest bathroom,” He opens a door at the end of the hall and flicks on the light giving his best Vanna White impression before moving on to the next room, “This is the guestroom, I made it up with the fluffiest blankets and pillows for my esteemed guest.” He laughs. You walk into the room and run your fingers over the crisp white duvet. “Minmin,” You say in a baby voice, “All this for me?” He covers his face shyly. “I know how much you love a comfy bed.” He composes himself to say. You nod and leap back first into the bed becoming instantly engulfed in the plush comforts of your accommodations. “Ahh, don’t mess it up, I worked hard on that set up,” He groans, “Besides the tour isn’t over.” You whine but get up and follow him out of the room. He flicks the lights on in the master bedroom and your jaw drops. It’s twice the size of the guestroom and equipped with its own restroom. “Dammmmnnn Min, this is amazing!” You say in awe. You take a full walk around the room, taking in the four-post bed, television mounted on the wall, and desk set up in the corner. “Come, come.” He quips and you follow him to the next door. He opens to reveal a full studio, with attached booth on the left. To the right sits a plush love seat. You smile at the Knick knacks and tacked up photos of the two of you, you even lean in closer to get a better view. Yoongi, meanwhile, plops down on the couch. “What do you think?” He asks. You stand upright and nod while looking around. “I am so proud of you Min. This, all of this is truly amazing. You've worked so hard. You deserve it. I mean what more could you possibly want right?” You laugh. He blushes and gives a tight smile. “It’s lonely sometimes. It would be nice to share it with someone.” He mumbles. You pout at your friend and hop into his lap. He groans at the closeness. “You could have any girl you want Min. You just need to put yourself out there.” You say, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck and shaking him. He shrugs and wraps his arms around your waist. “I don’t want just any girl y/n.” He says. “Well, it's good not to settle you know. Not like me.” You remark. “What does that mean? Did something happen with Che?” He perks up a bit.

You feel your face flush and decide to change the subject quickly. “Oh my gosh, look at these pictures I took of people at the park.” You pull your phone out and start swiping through photos before he can ask any more questions. He scoffs quietly but otherwise looks through your pictures. “These are really good Ace. You should submit them to a magazine.” He encourages while lifting you slightly to adjust his sleepy leg. You attempt to help him by lifting your butt up but end up losing your balance and knocking your head into his. “Ahhh,” He laughs while rubbing his forehead, “You trying to knock me unconscious or what?” You laugh as well apologizing and planting a kiss on his forehead. He smiles slyly and cries out suddenly. “What?” You ask nervously. “It still hurts. Maybe it needs more convincing.” He explains as he puckers his lips and points to the spot you knocked into. You mush his head as you both laugh. “Come on, let’s eat something light and head to bed. I have a lot planned for tomorrow.” He tells you. You whine and curl further into his lap. “Can’t we just stay like this forever?” You whisper. He sighs and begins rubbing your leg. “Not if Che can help it. Now up we go Ace. Don’t be a lazy girl.” He nudges you gently and you rise pouting at him. “Fine, party pooper.” You say as you exit the studio. “You will thank me later.” He tells you, leading you out toward the kitchen. “Where did you get this huge Honey Suckle from?” You comment as you pass by. “I bought it just before you got here and had it delivered. I know you like them. I wanted you to feel at home. I’ll put it out on the terrace once it outgrows its pot.” He points past the living area. “You have a terrace?” You ask wide eyed. He nods in response. You walk over to the curtained windows and reveal the locked doors. You gasp as you unlock and walk out onto the hidden treasure. There are two lounge chairs on the left as well as a grill, table, and four chairs set up on the right. Not to mention the killer view of the city. You cover your mouth at the glittering lights. “People pay millions of dollars for this kind of view in New York Min.” You remark, not even sure if he can hear you from indoors. You look around and marvel at the gorgeous little garden that is set up along the red brick barricade. “Hydrangeas, Lilies, roses, and carnations.” You say aloud. “All your favorites, right? I’ll put the Honey suckle along the wall behind the lounge chairs so they can grow upwards towards the roof. I think the color will really stand out. What do you think?” He smiles wide. “I think you are amazing and way too good to me. I am so blessed to call you my friend.” You smile. His face drops slightly as he swallows hard but nods. “Yeah. Do you wanna eat out here or inside? It’s a nice night.” He asks. “Can we eat out here? I mean the view is amazing.” You turn and point. He nods and heads inside.

He appears again with two bowls of ramen noodles. You both take a seat at the table and begin eating. “So, how’s the east coast?” He asks, cheek full of noodles. “Eh, same ole, same ole. I quit my job at the magazine.” You confess, slurping up noodles as Yoongi chokes on his. He coughs hard, trying to clear his throat, taking a sip of water as he regains his composure. “When? Why? Wha- what happened?” He stumbles over his words. “They were giving me shit work. I want larger pieces. I want to do fine art and fashion shoots; I don’t want to be stuck in the ads section forever. I am worth so much more and I am sick and tired or people not seeing that.” You huff. He gives a tight smile and nods slowly. “I can see that y/n. That’s why you’re my Ace because you’re one of a kind. I mean look, I totally support any decision you make. I just want you to be happy. What does Che think of all this?” He scratches the back of his neck and leans back in his seat. Your bottom lip quivers and you just shrug your shoulders. “Why are you always so concerned with what’s going on with Che? Who cares what Che thinks Min? I am here talking about me and all you care about is Che. Why don’t you go fucking ask him if you’re so concerned,” You hop up out of your seat suddenly, “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” You head inside quickly as Yoongi calls out to you. You enter the guestroom and slam the door shut being sure to lock it behind you. Yoongi knocks on the door, “Come on Ace, something is going on, why are you being this way? Please open the door. Talk to me.” He plays with the door handle while you sit on the bed crying softly into a pillow. “Go away please. I need to rest.” You shout. You hear him sigh from the other side of the door and walk off. You take a glance at your phone which you have been avoiding, to find a plethora of messages and missed calls. “Bitch!” “Are you with HIM?” “Fuck you both!?” “It’s not over until I say it is.” “I’m sorry baby please call me back.” “I can’t do this without you. She meant nothing, please forgive me.” “If you keep ignoring me, I’m going to come find you and you’re going to be sorry.” “Answer me!” You cry harder at all the horrible messages until eventually sleep finds you.

“My boss! You slept with my boss? How could you?” You yelled. “You were always so busy with work and I am a man with needs, needs that have to be met y/n! She was there for me when you weren’t.” Che yells back at you. “So, this has been ongoing?” You reply defeated, as the realization sets in. Your boyfriend just sighs. “Let’s not do this ok. Let’s just fix it.” He states. You laugh out loud. “Fix it! FIX IT!” You shout now, “There is no fixing this Che, its no wonder I’ve never been able to progress at my job. That bitch has been holding me back while lying on hers! I am so happy I am leaving. This trip couldn’t come at a better time.” You say heading to your room to grab your things. “Look, about that, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go to LA. We have a lot to work on here.” He says as almost a command. You shake your head. “No, not going to happen. I haven’t seen Yoongi in months, I am not cancelling and this, whatever this is, is over Che.” You pull up the handle of your suitcase and walk towards your door. Suddenly, Che yanks you back by your arm. “You’re not leaving.” He shouts. You shove him with all your might. “Get off of me Che. What the hell is wrong with you?” You yell in shock, out of breath. “I’m sorry ok, calm down. I just want to talk and figure things out.” He forces a smile. Your adrenaline is coursing through you. “Ok Che,” You whisper, “Can you grab me a towel so I can put ice on my arm?” You point towards the bathroom. He nods, walking back to the back of the house. As you hear the linen closet open you race out of the door and down the stairs, yelling for a cab once you reach the front of the building. You are taking off down the street by the time Che is on the curb yelling your name.

You jump up from your sleep at the sound of your name echoing through your head. You look around and try to calm your fast beating heart. You’re still at Yoongi’s, you’re safe. You get out of the bed and change out of your clothes into a fluffy hoodie. You lay back down and try looking at your phone only to see its died. You grunt out of bed again to find and attach it to your charger. You turn to the bed but decide you don’t want to be alone tonight. You pad quietly out of your room and into Yoongi’s. Its so dark inside that you’re afraid of bumping your toe. You stretch your arms out in front of you, waving your hands around until you feel the plush of the duvet. You hum happily, pleased with yourself. You climb into the bed and under the covers, reaching over until you feel Yoongi’s soft cool hands. You rub your fingertips over the top of his left hand while you listen to the sounds of his breathing. He rouses suddenly at the feel of your hand on his. “Y/n, are you ok?” He stretches, taking your hand in his. “I’m sorry Min for freaking out on you at dinner. I’ve not felt like myself in a while. It has nothing to do with you.” You whisper, squeezing his hand. He chuckles softly. “It’s ok, I just wish you would tell me what’s going on. I don’t like that you’re keeping secrets. I am always here for you. I would never judge you.” He says. “I’m not, I just, I don’t mean to keep things from you. I just feel so disconnected since you left. Like a part of me left with you.” You confess. “I am always with you Ace. Nothing can change that. A million miles apart but always together.” He whispers, planting a kiss on your head before resting his head atop yours and pulling your body into his. You wrap your arms around him now and listen to the sounds of his heart beating. “Min.” You whisper now. “Hmm.” He responds. You push away from his embrace slightly to face him, his features coming into view even in the dark room. “I love you.” You say. He swallows as his mouth drops open to respond. You lean in and capture his bottom lip in between your lips. He pauses but you quickly engulf his mouth with yours, deepening the kiss by wrapping your arms around his neck. He grabs you around the waist and pulls your hips into his growing erection. You swirl your tongue around his, moaning softly into him. This was magic, you thought, exactly what kissing was meant to be, hot, warm, welcoming. You knew you never wanted to kiss another man after this because no other kiss could be as perfect. Its as if he poured all his love into this kiss. You needed more as you felt your body catch fire and skin goose.

You push him onto his back and straddle him, never breaking this magical kiss. You grind your hips into his hardened member causing him to groan from deep within his chest. He takes your ass into his hands and pushes his hips up into your moistened sex. Was this really going to happen? You wondered now, a sudden flash of guilt hitting you. You finally break from the kiss, both of you completely out of breath. Yoongi quickly attaches his swollen mouth to your neck, still guiding your aching cunt over his throbbing member. You moan unabashedly as he suckles and nibbles his way to your collar bone. He begins to work his way across your collar bone and up the other side of your neck before biting down hard. “Fuck!” You cry out at the intense pleasure that engulfs you. We shouldn’t, you think but still you welcome his mouth on yours as he begins to assault your mouth once more. He leans up now, wrapping one arm around your waist and sliding the other arm up your shirt, wrapping his large hand around one of your full mounds. He squeezes gently before taking ahold of your sensitive nipple and swirling it between his thumb and forefinger. Its been so long since someone has touched you, let alone kissed you this passionately. You wondered exactly when Che lost that passion, when it all became selfish love making, rough. As Yoongi planted kisses along your jaw and ear lobe, you realized just how much you missed passion, how much you missed fire, how much you craved it. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Yoongi whispers in your ear, breaking you away from your thoughts, allowing guilt to creep in again. “What?” You ask him. “I want this so bad but are you sure you want to do this?” He whispers again out of breath. He looks you over in anticipation for your answer. “Fuck,” You cry, covering your mouth with your hand, “I’m so sorry Min.” You say now. He swallows back the lump growing in his throat at your rejection but shakes his head. “No, no, please don’t be sorry.” He tries to pull you into a hug but you push him away. “I should sleep in the other room. I’m sorry.” You quickly jump off of him and begin to slide off the bed. “No, wait, Ace. Please its ok. I don’t want you to go.” But its too late, you’re already making your way back to the guestroom.

[iheardarumorxxx]

Midnight Sun, Chapter 2 - Open Book

Not even a full paragraph in and I have to call Weirdo on something. In the Twilight canon, it is often mentioned that vampires are always always always cold. Like, big old blocks of perfectly sculpted ice. But here, Eddie boy says that his skin had cooled to match the air around him. Can’t work that way. Either Pires are heat sinks that are always freezing, or their temperature can change based on the temperature around them. Can’t be both.

Also gonna bring up the chapter titles real quick. Maybe SM will try to hamfist it, but in Twilight the chapter titles were (supposedly) related to the chapter. First Sight was Bella (supposedly) falling in love at first sight w Edward, and Open Book was Bella going on about how she was an open book and couldn’t hide anything and wore her emotions on her face etc etc. It doesn’t make sense to me to keep the same chapter titles when we’re obstensively living in the head of a different character.

Would have been, if I'd been able to really see it.

What SM was going for here was ‘Edward was so lost in his own head that he couldn’t even see the sky above him even though it was beautiful’ but this doesn’t work. Wanna know why? It’s because of this:  The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black universe - an awesome sight

Weirdo described the sky with perfect, flowery detail, expressed outright the colors that were swirling above him and the way the stars swirled and made shapes. He wouldn’t have been able to do that if he was too focused on his own thoughts to pay attention to it. This is what I mean when I say that SM hasn’t really mastered the First Person POV. This would have absolutely worked if instead of ‘I’ it had said ‘he’. 

As a note: Weirdo calling Bella ‘unremarkable’ in terms of how she looks just comes off as those shitty ‘you aren’t even that hot’ responses from people when they get rejected.

And Weirdo describing the way Tanya leaps at him reads really flat and boring. The play by play method to show how Graceful and Ethereal the Pires are is gross and the flat emotionless tone makes it read like a laundry list of actions. 

Chagrin sighting number two. And I’ve gotta say, this little thing with Weirdo and Tanya reads a little more realistically than any interaction between our main couple throughout the entire Twilight Saga. Sure, Widdle Eddie isn’t into her, but they’re openly and honestly communicating about it, which is more than Bella and Weirdo ever did.

Mostly Tanya preferred human men

This sentence right here completely invalidates Weirdo’s entire argument about how he would murder Bella with his Schlong if he ever gave into his desire for her, as there is clearly a way to hook up with a pathetic, weak human without killing them.

Two chagrins in one chapter, I am blessed.

though her feelings were not deep, hardly pure, and, in any case, not something I could return.

This goes back to that thing I was bitching about in chapter one about Weirdo and only reading surface level thoughts. He isn’t an empath, he can’t descern from her surface thoughts how deep her feelings might be. Based on how his power comes across, it’s likely that he can’t actually interpret any kind of tone at all, and is guessing at the emotion behind the thought. Just because Tanya makes a passing thought about Eddie that may be ‘unpure’ (gag) doesn’t mean that her feelings for him are strictly lusty and naughty.

By the way, it’s only chapter two and I’m already sick of hearing about Bella’s ‘chocolate brown eyes’.

That time jump that they did from Snowy Alaska back to Fork High cafeteria was jarring. We have literally travelled through space time to get back to The Plot(tm) as quickly as possible. Maybe, just maybe, it would have been beneficial to see some of Weirdo’s drive back, get some more introspection, more of an idea of how he plans to handle himself re: The Bella Thing, even if it is in his whiny, affected urple prose.

Humans were constantly desperate to feel normal, to fit in. To blend in with everyone else around them, like a featureless flock of sheep.

Unlike our great, wonderful, perfect Pires, of course. They would never dare to try fitting in with the Sheep that they have decided to live among and try to blend in with. This goes to prove my point that SM’s Pires don’t give a flying shit about blending in with humans, even though it is supposedly Vampire Mafia Law that they don’t get exposed.

"Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are,"

Despite the fact that SM tries so hard to make him come off as the stereotype of ‘dumb jock’, Emmett deserves a better series than this one. Not being afraid to roast Weirdo is absolutely fucking A+ in my book.

We are, yet again, applying Pire logic and physics to not Pire things to show how Strong and Powerful and Amazing our Pires are. I must once again posit that these things are not Pires, and therefore, would not behave in this manner, even when a Pire is interacting with it.

I am once again unconvinced by this Let’s Shit On Jessica Stanley thing I’m having to schlock through. Sure, she’s a lil petty, but she doesn’t come across as overt mean girl bully and she never has. SM never made her feel like anything more than a (in fairness, extremely stereotypical) teenage girl trying to be nice to the new girl in school and being put off by her weird behavior.

Small point to make here, just because I realized how bored I was with the debate over whether Weirdo would go to class and murder Bella or not. Because this is a companion piece to an already published novel, we know what’s gonna happen. Now, a good author wouldn’t let that stop them from making the tension feel real. Even though I know the outcome, I would still be focused on the journey to get there. But I’m not, because it reads as dry and dull. The tension isn’t there and I’m not enjoying the journey to get to the ending I already know. The characters aren’t even likeable enough to keep me entertained. This is why companion pieces and POV shift retellings are so hard to do.

it was hard to believe that anyone so vulnerable could ever justify hatred.

I feel like this is supposed to be the first lil glimmer that Weirdo is In LUV with Bella or whatever in this POV, but the thing is, his patronizing tone and the way he is seemingly always going on about how weak and pathetic Bella is just kinda makes it feel like he’s acting like her Dad. 

Though they didn't want to stand out from the herd, at the same time they craved a spotlight for their individual uniformity.

I only have one thing to say about this. Fuck You Edward Cullen.

I feel like Weirdo is starting to craft this idea of Bella in his head, much like he does with everyone else, but because he doesn’t have the crutch of using his surface thought mind reading powers, he has to guess at her thoughts (much like typical normal human people do because we’re weak and pathetic unlike the Pires), and he’s basically assigning her the thoughts he thinks she should be having. He’s crafting Bella into the perfect ideal for himself without taking her atonomy into consideration.

"Ladies first, partner?"

This is a continuity error. In Twilight, he did not say ‘Partner’, just ‘Ladies first’. It’s nitpickey, and I’m aware that it’s nitpickey, but it’s jarring if you know Twilight well enough to know the dialogue. If we’re going to see the same scene from a different POV, the only thing changing should be the inner monologue, not the dialogue between characters.

I could feel myself warming slightly to the higher temperature.

Bzzzzt, no. I already talked about this earlier, but everything established in canon shows that Eddie doesn’t ever warm up. He and Bella cuddle under a blanket and he is still described as rock hard marble adonis ice. He can’t warm up, according to established canon.

And in this chapter, we finally start the Shitting On Mike Newton run. Mike is the fucking worst in this book and is treated like shit, all because -- can you guess??? -- all because he thought the new girl was pretty and had a little crush on her. Mike gets shit on SO FUCKING MUCH in this series just for daring to think Bella is pretty.

Ignorance was bliss to the human mind.

OR EDDIE YOU’RE JUST ARROGANT AND RUDE AND NOT AS INTERESTING AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. The Cullens fucking PRANCE around this school in their designer beige turtlenecks with their flashy fucking cars and look down their noses at the pleb humans who could never be as good as they are, and especially with the way SM wants to paint Forks as this fucking insular hick town where everyone knows everyone and are probably socioeconomically lower than American average, its RUDE AND GROSS and makes them look like stuck up fucking JERKS. But sure. Keep touting on about how humans are scared of you.

And yet again, we get an example of Eddie boy ignoring the fact that Bella (for all of her faults) is a HUMAN PERSON and not some game for him to play. ‘Wahhh, I can’t read her thoughts, that makes me angy and frustrated’ and whining about how he wants her to GO AWAY because her blood makes his froat hurt but how he wants her to stay because she’s so MYSTERIOUS AND DEEP. 

This didn't fit with the scenario I'd been constructing in my head.

And this is exactly the point I was making up there. Edward is making wild assumptions about Bella based solely on his experience with the human condition from his immortality, but he is also crafting her into what HE thinks is the right way for her to be in his mind without taking into consideration that she is a complex human with feelings and emotions. But instead of actually correcting himself, he continues to do this, and we know he does because he continues to posit that she’s deep and wise even though we know different from being in her POV for three and a half books. 

A lot more of this dialogue is changed from the conversation in the original Twilight than I thought. It should be easy to keep at least the dialogue consistent.

I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for.

This is the most true thing that Eddie is going to think in this entire book, and it isn’t even genuine and that upsets me so much.

my mother always calls me her open book.

I would like to use my solid four years of Twilight knowledge to point out that Bella Swan is not an open book, she’s a lying liar who lies about things, even though she says all the time that she doesn’t like lying. She was always going on about how she fakes her emotions for the benefits of others, she is not an open book at all.

The reason she was upset was because she thought I saw through her too easily.

And, of course, Weirdo eats this shit right the fuck up.

"I find you very difficult to read." "You must be a good reader then,"

This exchange didn’t make sense in Twilight, and it still doesn’t make sense here. Unless Bella is being sarcastic based on her previous statement, the exchange just... isn’t good. And it’s pretty clear that Bella isn’t being sarcastic. So. Explain it, someone, pls.

Emmett still deserves a better book than this one. He is literally out here like ‘Everyone makes mistakes, Eddie boy.’ But we are still talking about murder here, so... 

And that’s chapter two. I didn’t mean to do it all in one long post, but I couldn’t really see a good break in it to cut it in half. The human bashing is already getting worse and it’s making me annoyed. As you can probably tell from the Cap Locks. We get the first glimpse of Eddie being ‘protective’ that we know is gonna get creepy and paternal as the story goes along. And I know that SM was going for an old timey thing with Eddie, but Bella’s inner monologue was really dry and boring, and Weirdo is even worse in that area. Yet again, we see the First Person POV slipping. Little things that just don’t work in Eddie’s head.

Join me tomorrow for more, and thanks for reading along. 

[serpienten]

something sweet

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky can’t stop thinking about the cute nurse in the Tower. She, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be that into him.

Warning: reader being under a lot of pressure, some language perhaps

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: Well, fuck me this is long. I’m actually scared it’s gonna be boring but I genuinely hope it’s not. Some of this dialog was pretty therapeutic for me to write actually so this fic is a tad close to ma black empty heart. This was for @sgtjbuccky ‘s End of Year writing challenge and I hope I’ve done the prompt justice, Salina. Thank’s for letting me participate :D Please leave some feedback if you like what you read!

* italicized parts are flashbacks

“You’re a punk.”

“Jerk.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re the one out here whining like a baby, maybe you should shut up.”

“Do you need reminding why I’m ‘whining like a baby’? I didn’t shoot myself, that’s for sure.”

Steve rolls his eyes, arms crossed in front of his chest. “I had it under control. No need for you to play the hero.”

“Yeah, right.” Buchy scoffs. The movement makes the wound on his bicep - no, correction, it makes his whole damn body sting like a bitch. He winces slightly and a groan rumbles up his throat. “It sure didn’t look like it. Forgive me for trying to save your life.”

"I don't need you to save my life."

“Don’t play the hero, Steve.”

“I’m serious. Thank you, but no thank you."

Bucky sighs. Bruises, black and purple blotches, scrapes and gashes litter his body and if he weren’t in so much pain, and under the influence of the strongest, most useless painkillers in Bruce’s possession, he’d deck his stubborn as fuck friend in the face. The only thing giving the brunette some sort of satisfaction is that Steve doesn’t look much better than him. Just with one bullethole less.

Bucky doesn’t mind being injured.

In a twisted kind of way, every hit he takes in the field frees him more than it weighs him down. He takes every cut, each drop of blood, every twinge of pain, the ripped skin and the scars and he tries to get better because, at this point, it’s all he can do.

But that still doesn’t mean he opens his arms like Jesus and welcomes rains of bullets or a storm of flying knives to hit him full force. He doesn’t have a death wish. Anymore, at least.

But this time, this injury, is Steve’s fault. And Bucky’d rather die than not take the chance of annoying the righteous, golden boy, I’m-the-standard-come-try-getting-on-my-level Captain America.

“Aren’t you at all worried about me? I could be dying. I could be dying and it would be your fault.”

“You can call it payback for Coney Island if you want.”

“Are you kidding me?” Bucky huffs indignantly, “It’s been seventy fucking years. I lost an arm and am about to lose my life, I think that’s enough.”

“Of course I’m kidding.” With a sigh that revealed nothing but exhausted irritatioin, Steve fell down next to him on the bed. “Stop being such a diva about it, you’ve been through worse.”

“You li-”

“I hope I’m not interrupting.”

Bucky’s head whips to the side and instantly, he grimaces again. Eyes flying shut, he gently re-adjusts the ice pack on his right thigh. He hears footsteps coming closer and his posture straightens a little.

“You two look like you got hit by a plane.”

He opens his eyes to see a woman wearing a white, light coat looking down at a clipboard in her hands. A lovely shade of lipstick colors her lips, which are curled up in a teasing smile, in a beautiful tint of rose. The woman’s eyes flicker over what’s in front of her quickly and even the stupidest person in the universe could tell that she seemed to be more than just an expert in her field. Her legs are spread slightly in a confident, stable stance, soft locks of hair framing her face which - Jesus Mary and Joseph - gives him a whole new reason to feel weak in the knees.

“Hi, Y/N.” Steve lifts his hand and gives her a little wave, as much as the gash on his forearm allows.

The woman, Y/N, looks up from the clipboard and grins. Bucky’s heart stutters in his chest. “’Sup Steve.”

“Oh, you know, the usual.” Bucky looks to his side and furrows his brows at the lopsided grin on his blond friend’s face. How on earth does Steve know her and Bucky doesn’t? He gets injured tons of times more often than the man jumping out of airplanes without a parachute (a fact that, in retrospect, should definitely worry him more) and he’s never met her. Bucky’s eyes narrow and the mechanics in his left arm whir slightly as he clenches his fingers to a fist.

“Sergeant?”

“What?”

They’re both looking at him now, with equally anticipating expressions. Y/N must’ve said something because she re-adjusts to clutch the clipboard to her chest and clears her throat.

“I was asking if you’ve obtained any other serious injuries aside from the bullet wound on your bicep. I’ve seen a few cuts and scrapes, do you need me to take care of them right now or do you want to wait for Doctor Cho?”

“You- You want to look at my wounds?”

“Oh, uh, is there an issue?” Y/N’s eyebrows raised as she looks at him, taken aback.

“Wha- oh, no that’s not- I didn’t mean it to sound like that. There’s no issue. I...” he quickly explains, yet again reminded of his injuries when pain shoots through the backs of his thighs as he hastily scoots forward a little.

Y/N’s confused frown morphs back into genuine concern when he flinches. Something inside Bucky cramped painfully at the urge to make that expression disappear. She of all people, someone as breathtaking as her, shouldn’t be concerned about someone like him.

And then, she takes a step closer.

Bucky’s eyes widen. Simultaneously, he leans back. She notices it instantly and stops in her tracks, a helplessly puzzled expression on her face. “Don’t you want me to take a look?”

His breath hitches in his throat imperceptibly at her proximity. Bucky’s quick to realize that having her touch him when he’s already making a fool of himself without her hands on him wouldn’t be the best idea. He feels his heart thumping heavily in his chest as he shakes his head slowly.

“No, no it’s fine. I’m fine. Peachy. Perfect.” Internally, Bucky cringes hard.

Get your shit together, fuck’s sake.

The image of that white, fluffy cat thingy spreading its arms in a ‘What the fuck are you doing’ kind of way flashes through his mind and for a split second he clenches his jaw.

Steve next to him almost successfully stifles a laugh.

Y/N takes a quick step back and nods. “Okay, I’ll... I’ll tell Helen to hurry.”

She shoots Steve a look of complete and utter confusion, who in return replicates the exact pose of that damned cat Bucky’d just been thinking about, before turning around and leaving the room.

Bucky sharply lets out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding in the first place, deflating like a balloon filled with too much air. “Oh my god...” he mutters under his breath, over and over again, voice tainted with disbelief.

“What on earth was that?” Steve regards his friend with raised eyebrows. Bucky’s slumps forward, the ice-pack scrunching weakly, wedged between his abdomen and his upper legs, and both of his hands, one silvery metal and the other tanned flesh obscuring the view of his face.

“That was me being you.” His reply is muffled, just like the low whine he lets out right after.

Bucky’s eyes are focused on the long glass wall separating the kitchen from the living room. It’s only Steve and him sitting on one of the grey, soft couches, the former flipping through a book, glasses perched on his nose.

The blond glances at him out of the corner of his eye. “Quit it, will you?”

“Quit what?”

“You know what I mean. Quit it. It’s creepy.” Steve focuses his attention back to the black ink on the book’s pages.

“Fuck you, you’re creepy.”

His friend lets out a breath. “She’s not interested. Quit it.”

“Maybe you should change the record, I think it’s broken,” Bucky says dryly, flopping down on his back, flinging one leg over the backrest of the couch. He doesn’t tear his gaze away from the glass wall, or rather, what’s behind it.

Steve doesn’t deign to look at him. Instead, he simply pushes the glasses, as useless and unnecessary they may be, up his nose and continues reading.

Some of the team members are sitting around the dining table, chattering and laughing faintly. There’s Natalia. Wanda, Sam, Tony. And Y/N.

To Bucky’s chagrin, Steve had told Sam about what had happened that day he first saw her. Ever since then, there isn’t a day Bucky doesn’t see Y/N around somewhere.

And it’s torture.

He can’t seem to be in the same room as her without embarrassing the fuck out of himself and quite frankly, it’s annoying. Steve’s and Sam’s giggles in the background don’t help at all. He constantly fumbles for words, acts insanely clumsy and, according to Tony, looks at her ‘with hearts flying out of his stupid eyes’. In his defense, he can’t exactly help it though. Her presence is addicting. She’s smart, makes him laugh (which isn’t an easy feat to achieve), smells like heaven and has a smile and laugh that threaten to make his knees buckle over every single time. 

Bucky’s so into her, Steve’s started to call Wednesdays ‘Whinedays’ because Bucky has been using the blond’s free day to his whiny advantage.

Of course, all of this would be a hell of a lot easier if she were into him too.

The only issue: She isn’t.

At least that’s what he thinks.

Y/N never fails to amaze and confuse the crap out of him. She flirts with him and shoots him down the second it looks like he might make a move. She touches him sometimes, gentle brushes of knuckles against knuckles or a soft squeeze to his bicep, but as soon as he steps a little closer, she’s jumps back like he just attempted to slap her. It sort of puts a damper on the rapid beating of his heart.

Bucky heaves out a sigh and closes his eyes, raising his hands to rub them over his face.

”Are you coming tonight?”

“To Tony’s rooftop soiree? No, thank you.” Bucky tilts his head to look at his friend.

“You might enjoy yourself. Once in a while, you really should show up.” Steve says it so nonchalantly and so smoothly Bucky has to furrow his brows. Ever since the brunet had joined the team, he’d been largely given the control over when and where he wanted to go. It was a well-known fact that the former Winter Soldier disliked parties for many reasons and most people had accepted that not ten horses could drag him near big crowds. And Stark’s parties were infamous for their loudness and for being on a whole other level of anxiety-inducing. Almost everyone had accepted his wish to not be forced to attend events like that, except for the Captain.

“No,” Bucky replies, a finality in his voice that would’ve put an end to most conversations. Most.

There’s a pause. Then, Steve pushes out a sigh and puts a colorful, completely scribbled over piece of paper to mark the page in his book, setting it down on the table. He shifts his sitting position so that his whole body is now turned into the direction of his sprawled out friend.

“I know you’re strictly against parties. And I respect that- I do.” Steve says with more urgency when Bucky snorts. “But this time, it’s not that big of a deal. There aren’t many people invited, just some field agents, the team and a few others. It’s a small event. I know you can handle that.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky can see Y/N leaving. Sam waves at her just before she exits the room. His mood instantly darkens a little. With one smooth movement, both of Bucky’s feet are planted on the ground and he sits in an upright position. “Quit it, Steve. I’m not interested.”

“Go out with me. Just once. One time‘s all. Whaddaya say, doll?”

“Bucky, I...”

Serenity settles in the tower the second the little party on the rooftop starts.

It’s how Bucky likes it.

Calm. Quiet. Peaceful.

All the commotion he dislikes with a passion is safely up on the roof, far away from the living quarters and anywhere Bucky wants to be at anyways. He likes being by himself. Alone but not so lonely, wandering the seemingly never-ending hallways of the more than large building absentmindedly, until the never-ending hallways end and his absent mind decides whether to go left or right or straight ahead. Bucky’s discovered many things about the tower that way. Empty rooms that might’ve been discarded since the day the structure had been built, storage spaces, rooms with unused training machines and high windows that give a breathtaking view of the city Bucky calls home and also not.

He’s discovered many things on walks like these but, still, he’s nowhere near having discovered everything.

Tonight, he’s somewhere on the seventh floor.

He walks with the shadows dancing around him and tranquility following wherever he goes. Gaze lowered, his footfall is silent as a cat’s. Bucky knows his way around darkness like the back of his hand. After all, it’s where he’s spent most of his life. Out of sight. Surrounded by cold, calculated silence and darkness.

Left. Straightforward. Right. Right. Left.

The only source of light is the low gleaming neon emergency exit sign at the end of the hallway.

Right. Straightforward. Straightforward. Left.

That’s when he hears it.

Bucky stops in his tracks.

Furrowing his brows, he strains his ears, listens into the darkness. There’s nothing at first but then the sound’s back. It’s far away but if there’s one thing Bucky can rely on, it’s his hearing.

The brunet follows the sound, hearing it rise in volume with every step he takes and every corner he rounds. Delicate notes conjoined in a gentle melody wrap around him the closer he gets until they’re all he can hear and all he can feel, and he stands in front of a door that’s slightly ajar. There’s no light peaking through the slight crack.

Who on earth plays a piano without any light?

The melody still floats around his head and curiosity takes the better of him, prompting him to quietly push open the door.

Like countless other rooms in the building, this one has floor to ceiling windows. The city lights illuminate the room eerily and throw long shadows across the floor, but the view is something to die for.

Just like the person Bucky notices in the room next.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I can...”

“No, don’t apologize, I shouldn’t even have...”

His breath hitches in his throat when he recognizes her and he’d very much like to hit himself for the stupid, loud gasp that leaves him because it startles her and cuts of the beautiful melody. Y/N whirls around and looks at him with wide eyes while Bucky takes a step forward and raises his hands reassuringly. As soon as she recognizes him, she lets out a deep breath.

“Jesus, Buck, you almost just gave me a fucking heart attack.”

“Sorry, doll,” he smiles, sheepishly. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“What was your intention then?” she sounds amused and her heartbeat is still going a little too fast and Bucky’s thankful she doesn’t seem to think he was creeping on her or anything.  

“Definitely not scaring you,” he grins and takes a few tentative steps closer to where she sits at the piano. It’s the only thing in the room and for a split second, Bucky makes a mental note to ask Tony if he even knows that this room exists. “Did you walk here in the dark?”

She shakes her head and points at a flashlight lying next to her on the floor.

“Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself,” she says, “Usually, people don’t have an easy time sneaking up on me.”

“Jumpy?”

“Just very attentive. You wouldn’t stand a chance when my guard is up, Barnes.” Y/N looks up at him teasingly when he’s next to her and scoots a little to the side, making space for him on the piano stool. Bucky sits down and the stool creaks precariously under his weight. Y/N giggles softly at the skeptical look on his face. Bucky’s heart shoots to his throat at the sound.

“If it breaks, you’re buying a new one, beefy man.” She snakes her arm through his and pulls him a little closer. It’s a close fit, Bucky’s ass is half on the stool and half off but he can’t and would never want to complain about being so close to her.

“Did you just call me fat?” He feigns offense and feels his heart jump in his chest when she giggles again.

“No no no, you’re all muscle, sweetheart.” She says, a wide grin on her face as she squeezes his bicep teasingly. “I like it.”

“Really.” Bucky looks at her with a raised eyebrow and a lopsided, silly smirk on his face. “Well, aren’t you something sweet.”

On the outside, Bucky’s surprisingly calm. On the inside, however, he’s freaking out. Y/N’s so close and she’s calling him sweetheart and giggling like a literal angel and if Bucky doesn’t get up and run away right now, he’ll probably be stuck on her for all eternity. Not that he’d mind, but his heart can only take so many rejections.

Y/N’s only reply is a soft smile and she rests her head on his shoulder as silence settles once more. Bucky lets his eyes wander over the piano. She’s been playing mere seconds ago but what’s notably missing are the notes.

“How long have you been playing?”

“Since I was a child,” she replies, gently pressing down the keys while she talks. “I used to practice every day but now I only do it once in a while.”

“Why?”

“I guess I’m just too busy now. Being a nurse is more stressful than one would think.” She pauses for a moment and Bucky thinks she hesitates before continuing. “It’s not just physically, you know? Mentally, it’s no walk in the park either.”

She’s not looking at him, instead, she’s fixing her gaze on the black and white keys of the piano.

“I think you’re handling it amazingly,” he confesses, looking down at her.

Y/N chances a glance up at him, seemingly searching for something in his eyes. Perhaps she’s looking for a glint that reveals dishonesty, something that signals her that he’s making fun of her for being so weak. When she finds nothing, though, because why would Bucky be dishonest to her of all people, another sigh leaves her.

“Thanks.” Her reply is a faint whisper that he surely would’ve missed if his hearing wasn’t so advanced.

“You know,” he lifts his right hand to touch her arm that is linked with his left, “if you need someone to talk to... I just- I- I’m here if you need anything. I just want you to know that.”

All of a sudden, tears well up in her eyes. It catches Bucky off guard. It was supposed to be sweet but apparently, he’d said something wrong. He’s about to apologize but she cuts him off.

“God, Bucky, I know. I know... Thank you so much.” She buries her face in the crook of his neck and Bucky can feel her tears dripping hotly onto his skin. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t even be crying right now. It’s so stupid.”

Her sniffling and stifled sobs break his heart into millions of pieces. “It’s not stupid, Y/N.” He disentangles his arm from her to wrap it around her shoulders, voice urgent and leaving no room for protest. “It’s natural. Besides, I’m no one to judge, you know that. I’m a mess.”

“You’re one of the strongest people I know, Buck. If anyone’s a mess here, it’s me,” she says. “I mean, I feel guilty even being around you sometimes because all I want is to talk to you because I know you’d understand but it’d make me feel so fucking guilty. Unloading all that crap on you that literally sounds like a luxurious vacation compared to what you’ve been through.”

Y/N lifts her head to look at him and Bucky sees the streaks of tears on her cheeks. He can’t help but reach up and cup her face in his flesh palm, softly brushing over the skin of her cheek with his thumb. “Stop. You hear me? What happened in my past is the past. I’m not suffering anymore, thanks to everyone around here. You’re suffering right now. And I’ll be damned if I let my past stand in my way of helping you. Do you understand?”

She squeezes her eyes shut and Bucky feels her leaning into his touch. His heart skips another beat. “You know what else?” he says after a short pause. Y/N hums, opening her eyes to look at him questioningly. “You help me too,” he murmurs. “Just... you. I feel better when you’re around. You help a lot.”

A wet chuckle bubbles up Y/N’s throat and she lets her head fall forward, a wall of hair shielding her beautiful face from his eyes. She wraps her fingers around his right wrist and Bucky swears to all the Gods and the devil down below that he feels her lips pressing to the palm of his hand. “Charmer.”

“Nah, darlin’. Just bein’ honest.”

It’s in another moment of silence they spend in each other’s arms that he realizes something. “Hold on, is that why you said no to going out with me?” he asks tentatively, because it’s such a stupid thing to ask in a situation like this. Y/N’s cheeks blush in an adorable rosy color.

“I’m just not really doing this stuff right now. It’s not you, please believe me.”

Instead of answering, she shrugs in embarrassment. “Maybe.”

Bucky chuckles in disbelief. “Right now, I don’t know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge for thinking I wouldn’t want to listen to you.”

“Can I pick?”

Quickly, he leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead, before pulling her into a bone crushing hug.

Y/N squeals in surprise at both actions and laughs while wrapping her arms around his torso.

The city lights give the room and eery glow and large shadows wrap around them like a blanket. They’re in a room on the seventh floor in the Avengers Tower while everyone else is up on the roof partying but Bucky’s never been happier than with her in his arms.

And he doesn’t think that’ll change anytime soon.

[bvidzsoo]

Backseat of your Cadillac

     Thank you @everythinkpop once again for the moodboard!

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warning: swearing

 Pairing: Oh Sehun x female reader

 Word count:

 Summary: Women can be many things...but Choi Y/N is not your usual girl. She’s rude and not afraid to say whatever is on her mind. Her father being a car mechanic, she grew up around cars and it shouldn’t be a surprise that her passion are cars...and illegal racing. Oh Sehun, one of the best drivers of his generation just loves to tease you, but maybe it all started when you actually beat him at a race. Who was best, Y/N or Sehun? Sometimes people can’t seem to stay away from each other.

 A/N: That long awaited Sehun racer one shot is here. This happens in the Race Fast & Die Hard universe, so it’s not a must to read those two one shots...but I think some things would be more clear, so here it is!  Race Fast & Die Hard  

    Women can be many things. They can be pretty little things in the daylight, and killer bitches at nightfall. I’m like that, a sweetheart at day, an unbearable at night. Now don’t get me wrong, that was more of a metaphor for you to understand the lifestyle I have. But I should start at the beginning, since everyone has something like that. I grew up in a simple, modest family. My father is a well known and really talented car mechanic, while my mother is a very lovely housewife. I had the perfect life, never bothered by a thing. That’s how I was and still am, uncaring and always looking forward. I always aimed for big things, for something big that could offer me just the best. So that’s how I ended up working at a very famous company, being a secretary that was paid super well monthly. I never had anything to complain about, except that my boss could be a whiny ass and it was annoying, but really...I love her a lot. But this was the daytime Y/N, night time Y/N is an actual badass that drives sports cars and has boys calling her out for beating their asses at races. Thanks to my father I grew up around cars and became passioned by them at a really young age, that actually extended and now still exists. Many women like cars because they are pretty and instantly think if you have a good car, you hit the jackspot because your man has money. Which is pretty true, but I’m not like that. I love to sit inside a car and just feel the engine rumbling and that adrenaline that comes within when I speed down the roads. Don’t even get me started when you have to race and show who’s the boss. I love doing that, it makes me feel young, like I have no worries in this big and bad world. But once the night ends, I’m back to being my average self that is actually insecure about many things and even if I have a strong front, I care...a lot. Because that’s how I was raised, to always care but hide it. Which sometimes is good, mostly when you have a guy hanging on your neck called, Oh Snothun. He is awfully, handsome, but super annoying. I know him because we usually go to the same races and because he’s a cocky asshole that thought messing with me would be fun. In the end it really was, because I beat the snots ass. It was so amazing, that shocked and angry face when I came in first. Amazing, really. Oh god, I misspelled his name again, it’s Oh Sehun, but I actually prefer calling him Snothun, even though he’s annoyingly handsome.

But he’s not essential now, right? Why am I even thinking about him when I need to focus on punching in the new schedule for my boss? Right, because Oh Snothun had been distracting me lately and it’s so amazingly annoying. How a boy can just snatch my mind so suddenly, concerning if you ask me.

“Y/N!” My boss hollered from her office and I rolled my eyes before standing up and walking to her.

“Yes, Miss Jung?” I smiled sweetly at her, trying to hide my irritation. I won a race last night so I was busy getting wasted and partying, my apologies.

“Where’s my coffee?” She raised her eyebrows, lips puckering.

“In the coffee maker” I answered snappily, making her role her eyes.

“Well please, go and get it” She shushed me out and I grimaced as I closed the door. Seriously, woman needs to calm her tits sometimes. Can’t complain though, my salary is high so we must be nice!

Walking down the hallway, I went to the small break room, greeting the co-workers that were already inside.

“Did Sassypants get her order?” My good friend, Jennie, raised her eyebrows when I huffed. Amazing, I forgot that my boss ordered on Monday some new laptops and some calligraphy program.

“Shit, I forgot” I made the coffee quietly, leaning against the counter.

“What would you do without me?” Jennie chuckled, turning towards Donghae, our hot co-worker.

“Probably suffer with boss whining all day” I muttered, turning towards the coffee that was made.

“I don’t whine that much” Came a new voice, making me go stiff. Shit, she heard me speaking bad about her again, this definitely isn’t the first time.

“Sorry” I muttered, pouring the coffee in a mug and handing it to the boss.

“Thanks” Miss Jung smiled, sitting down at the round table.

“What’s up, Krystal?” Donghae asked with a grin, writing something down in his notebook.

“Tired” She sighed and I sat down beside her, leaning back in my seat. Seems like we are having a break now.

“Like all of us” Jennie shrugged, scrolling through the news “Oh shit, Mino and Sunmi broke up? How did we not hear about this?”

“Shindong is a lazy ass, probably didn’t go to get the news first” Donghae rolled his eyes, reading the news from Jennie’s phone.

“I told you guys, we should have just made Sejeong the editor-in-chef” I pursed my lips, glancing at Miss Boss through my round glasses.

“Don’t start that again” Krystal rolled her eyes “She’s still a rookie, Shindong has more experience”

“And he’s slacking off lately” I huffed, placing my cup down a little too forcefully “He’s getting too confident. It’s not the first time”

“But he still is the best, I’m not firing him” Krystal crossed her arms in front of her, glancing at me with a pretty annoyed face.

“Yeah, yeah” I rolled my eyes, grimacing again. I’ll get myself fired one day if I keep being like this.

“Y/N, where’s that order I asked you to get for me?” Krystal’s eyebrows furrowed as she turned her body towards me “I ordered it on Monday—It’s been four days since then”

“Well” I made a popping sound with my lips as I grinned at her “I pretty much forgot”

“Y/N” Krystal groaned, rolling her eyes “Call them right now”

“Yes, yes...Miss Boss” I groaned too, standing up and walking out the room, into the hallway. I dialled the number the company sent for me to call and waited until someone picked up.

“Speed Delivery, how may I help you?” The voice was masculine, deep.

“Speed? I don’t think so” I rolled my eyes “I sent an order on Monday and I still haven’t gotten it”

“You did? Give me a name” The guy said with a sigh. I should be sighing not him!

“Krystal Jung” I pursed my lips as there was silence on the other, clicking of board hearable.

“Yes, I found your order” The guy said “It should be there in a few days”

“Few days, I don’t have a few days, okay? You had four days to deliver it, what are you waiting for?” I scoffed, growing annoyed. Boss couldn’t wait, I’m never ordering from them again.

“Miss, we are pretty busy and we can’t deliver your order from one day to the other” The guy’s voice grew annoyed as well “It’ll be there in two days”

“Amazing, thanks” I hang up after the guy bid farewell and walked back inside the break room.

“We should write about the new fashion week in Paris” Jennie was just saying “We can send Yesung since he’s all for fashion. That would be something, what do you think?”

“Sure, I’ll speak with him” Donghae muttered with a grin, noting it down in his notebook.

“Speak with the designer personally” Miss Boss muttered with a stern face “I want the best pictures and I want an interview with him as well”

“Noted” Donghae grinned, looking at me as I came to a stop behind Krystal.

“I spoke with the delivery company, it should be here in two days” I spoke loudly, making Krystal look back at me.

“Good job, I hope it’s really two days” She muttered with a frown.

“At least now I know not to order from them anymore” I shrugged and Jennie nodded as she popped a lollypop inside her mouth.

“Okay, everyone!” Miss Boss rose up from the table, clapping her hands “Everyone get back to work—Y/N, please call Chanyeol and tell him I want a VIP ticket for the next opera this weekend”

“One ticket or more?” I rose an eyebrow as I followed her out.

“I’m bringing Siwon with myself, I need some new footage for the drama section. Plus, I heard this new actor is snatching the wigs of everyone, I’m really curious”

“Sure, noted” I grinned at her, parting ways as I went to my office while she went to hers. Seems like another packed day before I can finally go home, watch a movie and go to the races again. After all, it is Thursday and I can’t miss my favourite, Snothun, person’s race...gotta annoy him a little bit before it.

Honestly, there was one thing as exciting as racing...getting ready for the races. The music was blasting in the whole house as I tried not to mess up my red lipstick, bobbing my head to the rhythm swiftly. It was always fun, I usually had to start getting ready with two hours before leaving because listening to music always slowed the process. I needed to make breaks so that I could have my own mini concert. If someone saw me, they’d be shocked pretty much. A twenty two years old acting like this? This wasn’t an adult’s behaviour, more like a high school teens, but really...I’m still young and having fun never really killed nobody.

Grinning at the dark shade of the lipstick, I pulled my long hair in a messy ponytail, brushing my bangs carefully, making sure they sat at their place. Since it was autumn and the weather was definitely not warm anymore, it was really smart if you dressed up warmly. Races or not, I couldn’t risk getting a cold, I still have a serious job I have to attend. So after pulling on my black pants, I tucked inside the low cut long sleeved shirt and headed for the front door after turning everything off in the house, probably making my neighbours thank god the music was finally gone. I took the elevator, and threw my phone inside my purse after messaging my best friend that I was about to leave. Going to my side of garage, since I had a personal part and no one could go there unless they knew the password or perhaps had my keys, I opened the door with a grin as the green and purple neon lights lit up the cars nicely. Tonight I was going with a more modest car since I wasn’t planning to race, and when I say modest….I don’t mean a car that falls apart at 100 km/h. Nope, it’s a modest car because it doesn’t have strident colours like I prefer them, it’s my side chick. A very deep red, almost black, Subaru BRZ. It’s nice and fast and I could still kick anyone’s ass if I wanted to. But like I said, tonight it’s an easy night, not planning to race my ass off. Passing my favourite baby, a cherry red McLaren 570 GT which tires are a neon green, I patted it with a smile. I treat my cars like my friends, because really...they are my life. Unlocking the Subaru, I hoped in taking in the fresh smell it always carried. I always placed different scented little bags inside my cars and the Subaru had the mint scented one. Placing my purse on the passenger seat, I roared the motor to life as the garage door lifted, making way for me to pull out. Pressing the radio to play, I drove out the garage, taking a left turn, heading for the centre of the city. The race took place at a more deserted place, just past the centre. We didn’t want cops coming after us like many times happened. Since the roads were mostly clear, with a grin I speed down the road, excitement filling my body. It’s always like this when I drive my cars, adrenaline and excitement. This is what I call life, people.

I drove carefully down the road, looking for a free place I could park the car. It really didn’t matter where, the whole place was buzzing with people and you’d be surprised to see how many people I know from here. I mean, I’ve been racing for almost four years now. I’m older than most people here in racing experience, even Oh Sehun himself. Even though he was one of the best drivers of his generation, he horribly failed when racing with me. Perhaps I hurt his ego too much then and he couldn’t live a day without really teasing me if he saw me. I understand the guy, I mean, I’m just here to annoy him when I could be sleeping pretty well and getting that well deserved rest I missed last night.

After a few people pointed towards an empty spot, I parked the car and thanked them after getting outside of the car. Taking my phone and placing it in my pocket, I threw the purse back inside, leaning against the bumper as I looked around for my best friend. Truth be told, it was hard finding someone in this big crowd, but somehow we always found each other. Barely two minutes passed when I spotted the soft pink, almost fuschia, hair of my friend and soon he came in view. He had a big grin on his face as he approached me, throwing his arms around me and hugging me.

“Leeteuk” I greeted him, squeezing back.

“Surprised to see you here” He grinned when he pulled away “Thursday’s are your days off”

“Not tonight” I chuckled, looking around “I’m here to see actually someone”

“Oh, here to see Snothun?” Leeteuk laughed, patting my shoulder realizing why I was actually here. And yes, he calls him Snothun as well, got used to it after hearing me calling him that for so long.

“Pretty much and I don’t know, I felt bored” I pursed my red lips, looking around for a familiar carrot coloured hair. But it was really nowhere and it was becoming confusing, he usually was here before me.

“Are you coming to Jongdae?” Leeteuk asked as he turned around, checking the crowd as well quickly.

“Yep” I locked my car and intertwined my fingers with Leeteuk as we took off in the crowd. I smiled at people who greeted me and congratulated me for last night’s victory. Yes, I was like a star here, everyone knew who I was and many challenged me being very disappointed when they lost. Not my fault that I have more experience, one day they can become even better, who knows. I spotted Jongin standing beside Kyungsoo, who was watching Yixing and his girlfriend with a scowl. From what I heard, she was a Goodie and always hang out with Baekhyun. I guess the guys didn’t take it lightly when she started dating someone from the opposite gang, let alone the leader himself. I was pretty close to Kyungsoo and his gang, he even asked if I wanted to join them. But Oh Snothun was there and honestly, even though he was annoyingly handsome and I found myself thinking about him, I really didn’t want to see him more than I already did, that being almost every day. Plus, I was a serious woman, I don’t have time for things like gangs.

“Dae” Leeteuk shouted over the loud voices, startling the blond guy.

“Oh—Y/N, Teuk!” He grinned at us, bumping his fist against ours “Nice seeing you here, Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“I was bored” I shrugged, winking at Jongdae when he chuckled.

“More like wanted to see Sehun” Leeteuk said with a shit eating grin and I elbowed him, making him whine loudly.

“Well, he’s somewhere here” Jongdae looked around, eyes narrowing “I’m sure you’ll see him soon or after the race”

“Speaking of the race, when is it starting?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Ten minutes” Jongdae checked his wrist watch.

“Who’s racing against Sehun?” I asked curiously.

“Yixing” Jongdae said with a snort, looking really amused at the situation.

“Is Yixing really ready to lose another race against Sehun?” I chuckled, Leeteuk following.

“Not really, but he’s too thick headed to realize” Jongdae laughed, raising his walkie talkie.

“Hyung” He spoke, raising on his tip toes to gaze at the crowd “Slowly clear the road”

“Noted” Minseok’s answer came and Jongdae smiled before walking away, leaving me with Leeteuk.

“I’ll go and find Heechul, see you at your car?” He rose an eyebrows as I nodded at him. Leeteuk walked away and I decided walking around wasn’t that bad. Popping a bubble gum in my mouth, I took off, pushing people from time to time from my way. I looked at the cars, narrowing my eyes at some that had a really bad colour combination. Honestly, it’s not enough to have a good car, the colours matter too, a lot. At least, that’s what I always thought. Got a good car but with an ugly colour? Off throwing, very much.

“Oh, Y/N!” A blond haired girl gripped my arms, making me smile.

“Wendy, haven’t seen you in a while!” I exclaimed, hugging her as she pulled me into her.

“Damn, I know” She chuckled, pulling away “But things got shitty, my parents pretty much found out that I’m doing bad stuff so I was banned from coming here”

“Oh, that’s shitty” I nodded with my lips pursed “See, that’s why it’s cool when you live alone”

“Haha, very funny” Wendy rolled her eyes, making me giggle “I still have on year of high school before I can finally move away”

“Well, good luck for it, and keep it on the low” I winked at her, making Wendy nod with a smirk.

“That’s my speciality”

“Does Baekhyun think the same?” I teased her, smirking when she punched my shoulder.

“How the hell did you find out?” Wendy groaned.

“Jongin runs his mouth when he’s drunk” I laughed at the glare the girl gave, I think Jongin is dead now.

“Amazing, so he’s been the shit that’s been telling everyone about my personal life”

“Well, is it his fault you tell him everything?” Wendy rolled her eyes, pushing past me softly.

“Who knew” She patted my shoulder “I’ll go and find Baek now, have a nice night!”

“You too!” I called after her, walking away and deciding to go back to my car. The race was starting very soon, it seems like I’ll see Sehun after it.

I bumped into someone who was pretty much pushing a girl on his car’s bumper, ready to jump her. Well, this was never a pleasant sight to see but oh well, some people have their urges. Rolling my eyes at them, I walked past, spotting Heechul’s car. Leeteuk was pretty much there and if not, it was not a crime to wait there for them. Walking to it, I crouched down to see inside the car but the windows were tinted and I groaned realizing even if they were inside they were up to no good. Rolling my eyes, I raised back to my initial position, back straight as I turned my head to the right. Well, maybe it was because of him or because of the sudden cold breeze that blew past me, but the breath caught in my throat as I took in Sehun’s approaching form. No wonder I didn’t find his carrot hair, it was raven now, styled differently as well. It looked like he had a small fringe that fell on his forehead in some places. He was standing tall as he graciously walked, no doubt, towards me with a visibly smirk on his face already. Sometimes I wonder how he doesn’t freeze in the clothes he wears. They look thin and he isn’t dressed very layered. Tonight was no different, he wore some dark blue jeans, hugging his legs perfectly. A dark green shirt with some leaves as decoration, hanging on his upper body, unbuttoned at the chest to show off his colourful tattoos. In secret, I was always fascinated by them and sometimes wondered if he got them to just have them or they actually meant something. He had a big pirate ship starting probably from his belly button, a mermaid sitting on top of it, clouds behind her. On the right side, if he moved in the right way, I could make out a rose and some palm trees, hanging close to the mermaid, almost protecting her. On the left side, I never could make out too well what he had there, was something that looked like a card and underneath he had an anchor, almost as if it was falling to destroy the pirate ship. And of course, he had a big leaf on his left side of his neck, pretty much completing the already beautiful tattoo. He wore a matching coloured jacket to his pants, which I’m pretty sure was thin as well.

“Look who we have here” Sehun’s smirk grew the moment he stopped in front of me, closer than any normal person would “I heard from a dear friend you were looking for me”

“Looking for you? Not really” I smirked back at him, observing that the freckles underneath his eyes were more visible tonight “I was more like...asking”

“Isn’t that the same thing, sweets?” Sehun chuckled, his smirk back once he was done.

“Not really” I shook my head, denying that I was looking for him “Actually, I just wanted to see your ass get beaten”

“Oh, excuse you” Sehun chuckled, eyes narrowing at me “But I do tend to think you gave up your free night to actually just simply see me—tell me, did you miss me that much, sweets?”

I chuckled loudly, licking my lower lip at his words, “Please, you are overdoing yourself tonight. I certainly didn’t miss you, why would I?”

“Because…” Sehun took a step closer, actually succeeding in making my heart beat faster “You can’t spend a day without seeing me, it’s already something we both know, Y/N. Besides, my ass is too good to be beaten”

“I’ve seen better” I shrugged, blowing a bubble in Sehun’s face, making his jaw tick. Oh, how he hated it when I acted like I was better.

“I would be careful out there with Yixing, I heard he got better” I teased further, patting Sehun’s chest, my fingers tingling at the contact with his skin, which was warm surprisingly.

“Never as good as me” Sehun smirked, gripping my wrist and yanking on my hand “You were the only one who beat me, what makes you think he got better?”

“And you are still butthurt, don’t worry...I can understand” I chuckled when he rolled his eyes, finger drawing circles into my skin, which was very distracting by the way.

“Just watch me win tonight, Y/N” Sehun leaned in, mouth touching my ear lightly “We might have some fun after it, what do you think?”

I placed a hand on his shoulder, raising on my toes to be able to speak back into his ear, like he did to me, “I don’t fuck around with boys who aren’t capable of beating me in a race, sorry”

“Ah, but that’s really your loss” Sehun sounded smug as his hand left my wrist and travelled downwards. And honestly, I did hear stories about him from girls that have slept with him and well...there was not a bad thing I ever heard, which was making me pretty curious...but not that curious to actually try it. I gasped quietly when Sehun squeezed my buttcheek, having the audacity to chuckle into my ear.

“Watch me win, baby” His lips lightly pressed against my earlobe and he was already pulling away, making me mentally curse myself at the sudden shock I got.

“Where’s the carrot hair?” I called after him as he started walking away.

“I heard you liked guys with black hair” I cursed loudly now since he couldn’t hear me, leaning against Heechul’s car and wishing to pull out every single strand of hair I had on my head. Okay, maybe coming here was a mistake tonight, Snothun is working real hard.

It was a Toge race tonight, meaning there was a lead driver and a chaser. Sehun was the chaser while Yixing was the lead one, the route they had was a half an hour one so I was sitting on Heechul’s car’s bumper, bored, staring at my nails when I heard voices coming close from me. I turned around, narrowing my eyes at the car as I decided maybe looking inside wasn’t a very bad idea. Walking to the driver’s seat, I opened the door abruptly, actually making someone shriek from inside. My eyes widened at the scene and I shrieked as well, wishing I never opened that damn door.

“The fuck—Heechul can you put it away!” I shouted, people around actually staring at us.

“Well close the damned door!” Heechul shouted as Leeteuk pushed my head out and slammed the door closed. I swear to god, Leeteuk will regret this later. Why the fuck did they have to have sex in a fucking car surrounded by so fucking many people? Oh my god, and I had been sitting on the car for almost twenty minutes now! Turning around with a glare, I waited for them to come out. Heechul was the one first out, glaring at me as he fixed the collar of his sweater, failing at hiding the hickeys.

“Y/N, never fucking do that” He glared at me, making me widen my eyes in offence.

“First of all, you don’t fucking have sex in a place like this!” I glared at both of them as Leeteuk got out too “And second, fucking lock the door next time!”

“Not my fault that you have an inexistent sex life” Heechul shrugged, making me want to slap him.

“I just saw your dick, dude...can you shut up?” I sighed, pinching my nose when Leeteuk started laughing.

“I mean, it wasn’t that bad” He shrugged, eyes shining with mischief “You can always join us”

“The fuck not happening” I glared at him, slapping his arm, making Heechul laugh as well.

“Glad to hear that, I wouldn’t want to see your vagina” He pursed his lips and I almost slapped him.

“You have no rights to say that, I just saw your dick, okay!” I exclaimed, people glancing at us again.

“Y/N, what the fuck was that with Sehun?” Leeteuk crossed his arms in front of his chest “We pretty much saw everything”

“Well, nothing happened so I don’t see why you are asking” I shrugged, making another bubble with my gum that I had been chewing for too long.

“That guy wants to clearly fuck you” Heechul said while nodding, narrowing his eyes at me “Or have you already done it?”

“Fuck no” I finally slapped him across the head, making him hiss “Why would I? It’s just fun to always tease him, plus...I hurt his ego by beating his ass in that race so now he made it his personal hobby to annoy and tease me, nothing funny if you ask me”

“Still, he wants to fuck you” Leeteuk said in a light tone, making me glare at him.

“You two are fucking too much, I’m going to Jongdae since the race is coming to an end” I huffed, turning around and knowing well Leeteuk and Heechul were both after me, following me to Jongdae.

It really wasn’t hard to find Jongdae because he was holding the white flag, arm raised high which meant Minseok just told him the guys are gonna be back in a few minutes. We stood to the side, making sure the cars didn’t run us over as Jongdae placed a protective arm in front of me.

“Gotta protect the ladies” He winked as he started moving the flag, signalling for the people to stand close to the cars, making more way for the racing cars which were now visible. It wasn’t hard to make out who was leading, it was Snothun, his red Acura NSX easy to make out. I smirked a little, knowing already that he would be the winner. Like I said, I only came to annoy him.

“And the winner is” Jongdae shouted into the megaphone, making me go almost deaf “Oh Sehun!” The crowd cheered as the cars came to a stop, of course, I’m pretty sure almost everyone from here placed their bets on Sehun. I would have too.

“Damn, all that money I lost” Heechul whined as the crowd moved towards the cars to congratulate the winner.

“You bet on Yixing?” Leeteuk stared at his boyfriend like he just grew another head.

“Seems like you are more stupid than you look like” I winked at Heechul with a smirk as I turned around, ignoring his comment, and walked towards Sehun’s car. I mean, it would be still nice to congratulate him. The doors were opened and there he was standing, with a smug smirk as Yixing scoffed while holding his girlfriend in his arms, who had an amused smile as she congratulated Sehun.

“He was my friend before you were my boyfriend, Yixing” The girl chuckled, pecking his lips as Yixing pulled her away with a smirk. Seems like he wasn’t that grumpy anymore.

“Well, do I get a kiss too?” Sehun smirked, catching me off guard as I was watching Yixing and the girl.

“Not from me, but there’s plenty of girls that would love to do it” I winked at him, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Problem is, I don’t want it from them” Sehun was slightly panting as he ran a hand through his hair. I understand him, all the adrenaline leaves you feeling like you just ran a fucking marathon.

“That’s not my problem anymore” I grinned at him, uncrossing my arms and taking a step closer to him “I gotta be honest, you were pretty good”

“Oh, I know” Sehun smirked, pushing off his car as he stopped a few meters away from me “How about we get out of here?”

“Not tonight” I patted his chest with a grin, Sehun gulping as his eyes dropped. Oh, did he see just now how I was dressed?

“My eyes are up here” I patted his cheek right underneath his eyes, a big and cocky smirk extending on his lips.

“For a second I thought you dressed up for me like this”

“Don’t get that confident, Sehun” I chuckled, gazing up at him.

“Race with me” He suddenly blurted out, making my eyes widen.

“What?”

“You won’t be able to beat me this time, I promise you” His smirk grew more confident, becoming quite annoying. He wasn’t that good, why was he getting his hopes up?

“That’s really confident, Sehun—but tonight is my night off” I winked at him, turning to leave but he grabbed my forearm, turning me back.

“Saturday isn’t” He grinned, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“That’s true” I grinned back, deciding it was fine to accept the challenge. I could beat him again.

“But let’s make a bet” The grin was back as he leaned down, eyes gazing into mine “If I win, you go on a date with me on Sunday”

“And if I win?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Then I’ll leave you alone for good” Sehun shrugged, pulling away.

“You sure you can do that? It seems like you quite enjoy my company” I licked my lips as Sehun chuckled, glancing up at the dark sky.

“Now, you are the one being too confident, sweets” He looked back at me with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“Goodnight, sweets” And he was inside his car, starting the engine as he slowly pulled away. I huffed, placing my hands on my hips, staring after his car.

“You two should fuck already” Heechul’s voice was close to my ear and I abruptly looked at him, seeing him munching some chips.

“What? The sexual tension is basically too much” He shrugged like it was nothing.

“Heechul” I started sweetly, making sure to grip his shoulder a little too tightly “If you weren’t Leeteuk’s boyfriend, you’d be fucking dead by now”

“Well, seems like I just became more glad that I’m Leeteuk’s boyfriend” He chuckled, puffing his cheeks as he showed the chips into my face. I rolled my eyes, pushing it away as I decided to call it a night and after saying goodbye to Leeteuk and Jongdae, I went to my car, already dreading to wake up in the morning. Great, another zombie day for me!

    Was I right to say another zombie day last night? Yes, I was very right. So, it’s no wonder I was standing in the girl’s washroom, trying to put on some make up since I woke up late and was still too sleepy to do something like that. I yawned as I paused applying the foundation for a second, staring at myself tiredly. Maybe it was time I actually stop racing so much and focus on the real world? It’s not like I’d stop, just lay lower? Hell, not happening! I shook my head at myself, grimacing when I realized I had to put on some eye shadow as well. God, I’m still not entirely up for this. But I work as a secretary, bitch please, my looks need to be pleasing. Snorting at my own thoughts, I decided to keep it low with the eye make up and rather focus on my eyeliner that came out better than I expected it. Once finishing with my eyes, I realized that I only had the lipstick from last night so I decided using it. Besides, it looked good with my outfit today. It’s amazing how I was able to dress myself up this well despite being half dead. The pencil skirt stopped a few inches above my knees, having a split at the back which made it incredibly sexy, I’m not calling myself sexy! The light blue three quarter sleeve shirt hugging nicely my figure, tucked inside the black skirt. I guess I was after all a little bit too asleep when dressing up because the stilettos I wore were actually red, so the lipstick was greatly welcomed right now. The door to the washroom opened as I was combing through my hair, trying to give a neat look to the slight waves my hair had.

“Finally, you stopped looking like a zombie” Jennie chuckled as she walked inside a stall, making me roll my eyes.

“Thank you, that’s so nice of you” I scoffed, realizing this was the best I could do with my hair as I brushed my bangs away, leaving my forehead on display.

“Well, I honestly don’t know why you look dead almost every morning” The toilet was flushed as Jennie kicked the door open, a smirk on her lips when I spotted her through the mirror “What are you doing every night?”

“Well, would you believe me if I told you I’m a bar dancer?” I rose my eyebrows, crossing my arms in front of me as Jennie walked beside me with a laugh, washing her hands in the sink.

“I definitely don’t, try something more believable”

“Well, I like cars, so I might be racing from time to time” I winked at Jennie when her usually cute eyes widened.

“Are you serious?” Her mouth dropped open when I nodded with a grin.

“Y/N, you take me with you next time!” She gripped my arm, her neon pink nails digging into my skin.

“Do I get something good out of that?” I rose an eyebrow, teasing her.

“Y/N” Jennie whined, a pout forming on her pink lips “I’m your friend and—there are so many hot boys!”

“How would you know that?” I laughed, shaking of her hands.

“I do watch movies, dummie” She flicked my forehead and I threw a glare at her.

“If you are free this Saturday you can come” I grinned at her as I started packing away my make up “I will race too”

“Definitely free, I’ll tell Donghae something came up and I can’t go to the cinema anymore” Jennie nodded excited as she helped me pack my things away.

“Still going out with Donghae?” I laughed as we headed for the door.

“I mean, he’s funny and hot—why not?” Jennie shrugged with a grin, walking me to my office since hers was down the hallway.

“True” I nodded, opening the door to my office.

“Actually, it’s good I caught you in the washroom” Jennie chimed up “The delivery company called and said that the delivery guy will come today, so expect him around lunch time”

“Oh, they said tomorrow” I furrowed my eyebrows softly, sitting back down in my chair.

“The guy was free so he said he’ll work, that’s what they told me” Jennie grinned at me, getting ready to close the door after her “Don’t forget the tickets!”

“I didn’t!” I called as she closed the door and I leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes for a little bit. If I sleep now, I will be more active later! It’s perfect, I smiled as I relaxed myself in the comfortable chair. The silence was heavenly right now and I’m sure I’d fall asleep in just a few minutes.

“Are you slacking off again?” A not so amused voice asked, making me groan.

“I’m never slacking off, Miss Boss” I opened my eyes, straightening in the chair “I just closed my eyes for a second”

“To slack off” Krystal arched an eyebrow as she walked inside further “Anyways, I’m here to get me an appointment with Song Minho”

“What purposes?” I raised my eyebrows, already searching for the phone number of his manager.

“He’s working on his new album and I want to be the first one to interview him, after all we are always the first ones in things like this. I want Jennie to come with me, her bright personality seems to catch the attention of idols more than mine” Krystal rambled on as I wrote down some notes as to what she wanted.

“You don’t need to compliment Jennie right in front of me” I muttered with a pout, punching in the numbers of the manager “I’m bright too”

“No, you are a rude and sarcastic ass and if I ever bring you to an interview I’m afraid they’d throw us out from there” Krystal shook her head as she sat on the sofa beside the window.

“They would not!” I exclaimed offended “I am nice and bright too!”

“No, you’re not” Krystal rolled her eyes, flicking her long nails “Now call the manager”

“Yes, Miss Boss” I muttered with a grimace, waiting as the phone rang. Not even seconds later, a masculine voice was speaking into the phone.

“Hello, Hwiyoung, Choi Y/N speaking from Cristal News. We heard how Minho is getting ready for his next album and Jung Krystal would like to get an exclusive interview with him before everyone else” I spoke politely, voice loud and clear.

“Oh, I see. Mr. Song’s schedule is very packed for this week, but next week on Wednesday he would be free the whole afternoon” The manager spoke back politely.

“You assure us that we’d be the first ones?” I smiled a little when Hwiyoung chuckled.

“You know how Minho likes your boss, he refused every interview so far knowing you’d call later or sooner”

“I’m starting to like this dude more” I grinned, marking next Wednesday as interview day for Krystal’s schedule.

“Have a nice day, Hwiyoung”

“You too, Y/N” He hang up and I grinned at Krystal.

“Next week, Wednesday, he’s free all afternoon”

“Oh, amazing” Krystal sprung up to her feet, already running to her office “Tell Siwon to get an appointment for that day and to come later and help me with the questions”

“Noted” I nodded at her, preparing to send a message to Siwon.

“Also, can you please look into some financial things? Someday News sued us again and I’m seriously not in the mood to go to court to come out as winners...again” Krystal rolled her eyes as she tapped her fingers against my door.

“Sure, for this month just?” I raised my eyebrows.

“Yes, no need for other months” Krystal nodded and I bowed a little at her as she left. Someday News was a pain in the ass, this is the third time they sue us, claiming we stole some articles from them but seriously...they are doing this for attention and because lately Krystal had been going hard against them, assholes deserve the pain in the ass they get. Sipping my coffee, I groaned a little realizing I would be checking numbers and writing down dates for most of the day today...a thing I hate.

Two hours passed and I was barely at the middle of the month, checking the sales and percentages of us going higher up in the scale of news. We were doing pretty well and I felt proud as I threw myself back in my chair, knocking off my notebook and pen. Rolling my eyes, I bent down to take back my notebook but I kicked the pen away with my hand, going underneath the desk.

“Fuck it” I groaned, raising up from the chair to crouch down and peek underneath the table. Realizing it was easier if I went around and took it from the front, I went on my knees and huffing shimmied there. Bending down, I widened my eyes to see better underneath the desk, extending my arm to reach for the pen. I yelped as I touched it with my fingertips, failing to hear the door opening behind me. Yes, my ass was up in the air and whoever entered, and if it was a male, clearly enjoyed the view. But I was unaware of him as I pursed my lips, leaning lower to finally be able and grasp the pen.

“Yes!” I hissed when I finally placed my hand on it and pulled it up, huffing the hair off my face that ungracefully fell on it with my sudden movement.

“Well, that was quite the sight” I shrieked, jumping to my feet and almost falling as I basically twisted my ankle, making me curse loudly.

“The hell—” My mouth went slack, all words flying out the window when Oh Sehun was standing in front of me, mirroring my expression. The fuck was this!

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“What just fucking happened?” We exclaimed at the same time and I shut my mouth, narrowing my eyes at his outfit. He was wearing some sort of uniform, actually dressed normally for the first time I have known him. His hair was pushed back as a snapback was sitting on top of it. Sehun shamelessly checked me out, eyes ranking my whole body and I realized the outfit I was wearing, this would be the first time he saw me dressed so officially.

“Well, what are you doing here?” I crossed my arms in front of me as I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I had to deliver some package for some Krystal Jung. They told me to come here at the front desk” He shrugged, shaking a package in his hands.

“Don’t shake that!” I exclaimed, walking close to take it away “There are laptops inside, okay!”

“I know” Sehun shrugged as he let me snatch the package away from his reach. I huffed as I walked to my desk, placing it down and going to take a cutter knife.

“I guess you work here” Sehun voiced from behind me, as I opened the box, taking the laptops out to check if everything was okay with them.

“I do” I muttered, confirming the laptops were good “Everything’s fine here, I’ll pay cash now”

“No need to rush” Sehun spoke from behind me and I turned around, my eyes narrowed.

“Really? Delivery guys...I heard they are usually busy” I clicked my tongue as he smirked, licking his lower lip.

“I’m not busy at all, this is just cash in plus, it was my free day today but boss called me in saying, I quote…’A very pissy lady called, I think she needs a good fuck really, and I think it’s best we deliver the package today so...Sehun, can you come in for that and you are free after that’” Sehun smirked as I huffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Your boss is an ass like you are” I grinned at him, making Sehun laugh.

“But Miss Choi” He bit his lower lip, leaning down “I must say...this attire is damn fire on you, really inspiring”

“Inspiring?” I rolled my eyes “You couldn’t find a better adjective?”

“Would you like...fuckable?” He raised his eyebrows amused when I pushed his chest.

“Get out” I muttered, turning around to get the money I had to pay “Who knew the Oh mighty Sehun was actually just a delivery guy?”

“I’m actually hurt now” Sehun scoffed, stepping aside when I turned around with a grin.

“Here’s the money” He handed me a board I signed, grinning at him.

“You won’t die, I’m sure...me kicking your ass was a harder blow” I smirked when Sehun rolled his eyes, taking the money a little more forcefully from my hands.

“Sweets, you’ll be the butthurt one tomorrow” He winked at me, taking his board back.

“I highly doubt that” I chuckled, watching as Sehun walked to the door that was opened.

“I must admit it, I just got the shock of my life today...but never will I lie that I didn’t enjoy what I saw” He smirked smugly as I glared at him.

“Amazing, good to know, thanks Sehun” I rolled my eyes, raising my pen to throw it at him “Now get out!”

“See you tomorrow, sexy ass” Sehun sprinted out when I made a frustrated sound, actually throwing the pen after him. I went to retrieve it, hearing his laugh following him down the hallway. That bastard, I can’t wait to freaking kick his ass tomorrow.

    “Uh, so—are there gonna be super cool cars like—like in Fast and Furious? Or—oh, I always loved playing Need For Speed—I can’t believe I’m sitting in a—what’s the name of this car?” Jennie’s eyes were wide as she was watching my profile, not even bothered that I was speeding down the road.

“It’s a McLaren 570 GT, Jennie” I sighed quietly, glancing at her to see her nodding with big eyes.

“Right, I’ve never sat inside a sports car before—whoa this is really fast!” She exclaimed once she realized we were way above the legal speed.

“That’s right, but if you’d be quiet for just a little moment—” I smiled at Jennie as I stopped at a red light, making her grin at me.

“Thanks for taking me, you are the best!” She bit her lip excitedly, making me smile at her.

“We are not even there yet” I chuckled, speeding down again since the light turned green.

“But we’ll be soon, right?” Jennie looked out the window as I slowed down, taking a left turn.

“Actually—we are already here” I smirked when I saw her eyes widening from the corner of my eyes. She pressed her nose against the window as she gazed out, mouth opened.

“This is so cool!” She exclaimed, bouncing in the seat. I started laughing, looking around for a free spot.

“Oh, oh!” Jennie exclaimed, pointing to her right “There’s a free place! You can park there!”

“Amazing” I grinned at her, happy that I brought her with myself “Thanks”

“Sure” Jennie nodded quickly, already fumbling to undo her seatbelt. Seatbelts are essential, and my rule is that the car won’t start until everyone has the seatbelt fastened, I’m not playing with anyone’s life.

I parked the car carefully, avoiding to run over someone in this packed place. Turning the engine off, Jennie clapped quietly and I chuckled at her. She opened the door with a quiet yelp, the doors open upwards not like usual car doors.

“God, this car is so cool!” Jennie squealed as she got out, making me shake my head at her. Getting out too, I left the door open since I’d be soon racing. Walking to the bumper, Jennie was looking around like a lost puppy, lips opened.

“You look funny” I chuckled, patting her shoulder “Close your mouth”

“This place is awesome!” She muttered, turning towards the car on our right that was blasting some music. Following Jennie’s gaze, my eyes narrowed when I realized it was Sehun’s lime coloured car. Wow, how much luck did we have to actually park beside him. He was sitting on his bumper as two girls were on both sides of him, giggling at whatever he was saying and one even dared to kiss his cheek. I scoffed, the action getting Jennie’s attention.

“That guy is so hot” Jennie grinned, gripping my arm and starting to pull me.

“What are you doing?”

“He’s been looking at us, probably knows you” Jennie glanced back at me “Am I right”

“Unfortunately, yes” I grimaced as Jennie stopped us right in front of him. Sehun’s hair was parted in the middle, the left side falling in a sophisticated manner on his forehead. His now black loose shirt with white feathers as design, was once again unbuttoned until his chest, showing off his tattoos a silver chain around his necklace. He was wearing light blue jeans, ripped at the knees, one thigh occupied by one of the girls.

“You are finally here” Sehun smirked, looking me up and down. I grinned at him fakely, eyeing the two girls as they glared at me.

“And I see you were having fun already without me here” I faked a grin at him, crossing my arms in front of me. Tonight I wore red skinny jeans, a see through sweater tucked inside carefully, my red bra matching my jeans. I wore simple converses since I’m racing, I like to feel everything with my feet and make sure I’m stable all the time. Heels are really bad if you are actually looking for a stable feeling.

“Sweets, I’m always having fun” Sehun laughed, patting the girl’s ass that didn’t stop glaring at me.

“Oh, how amazing” I muttered, gripping Jennie’s arm “This is my friend, Jennie”

“Hi!” She waved at Sehun cutely, not really paying attention to him.

“Brought another hottie just for me?” Sehun raised his eyebrows, succeeding in bringing a glare out of me.

“Aren’t we enough for you?” The girl sitting on his thigh whined, making me scoff.

“Sweetie, are you new around here?” I smirked at her, raising my eyebrows.

“No” She glared at me, turning more into Sehun.

“Then I’m sure you know Sehun can never get enough of ladies—meaning you aren’t good enough for him either” My smirk widened when the girl huffed and turned towards Sehun.

“Is that true, Sehun?” She asked loudly but Sehun only shrugged, a bored expression on his face.

“Dickhead” She muttered, pushing herself off him and storming off. I snorted, watching her leave, turning towards the other girl.

“And you? Why are you still here? Wasn’t I clear enough?” I raised my eyebrows at her, as she smirked, turning towards Sehun. He raised his eyebrows at the girl as she pushed her lips on his, kissing him deeply. I rolled my eyes and watched Jennie as she grimaced at the girl.

“See you around” The girl walked away from Sehun, bumping into my shoulder and making me roll my eyes.

“Bitch” She muttered with a smirk, making me huff with an irritated smile. Sehun had an amused smirk on his face as he wiped his lips, pushing off his bumper.

“Y/N, sweets” He stopped in front of me, brushing the hair away from my shoulder “I never thought you were possible of being jealous”

“Why would I be jealous?” I scoffed, looking into his eyes “They were distracting us from why we are actually here”

“Sure, you are right” Sehun chuckled, placing a hand on my lower back.

“Just so you know...You are sexy like that, really gets me going. But this lips are all yours, sweets” He muttered into my ear, pushing past me, brushing his hand on my lower back all down to my ass. I bit my lower lip, waiting for him to be gone.

“What was that? Holy shit, that guy is really hot...Y/N, are you okay?” Jennie gripped my arm when I didn’t answer, trying to get back my even breathing. Why keep lying? Maybe I actually really like Sehun, wow, big shocker! Stupid Y/N, that shit got under your skin without you realizing.

“I am fine” I grinned at Jennie turning towards her “You think Sehun is hot?”

“But I guess he’s off limits” She giggled as I nudged her shoulder “I mean, he was just messing with you. Definitely got a thing for you”

“Thanks, but I don’t need to hear things like that before my race” I grimaced, running a hand through my hair, trying to calm my nerves. I was never nervous, but something about tonight was making me like this.

“Well, since this Sehun is off limits, do you know anyone else who is not? Cause I definitely want to meet some guys tonight—” Jennie smirked, probably already seeing someone she likes “That guy is fire!”

I followed her finger, bursting out laughing loudly as Jennie stared at me confused.

“That’s my best friend and he’s gay, Jennie. Sorry but I don’t think he’s for you” I patted her shoulder when the pouted, Leeteuk coming to a stop in front of us.

“Y/N!” He grinned, hugging me quickly before looking at Jennie “Hello pretty lady, I’m Leeteuk, Y/N’s best friend”

“Oh, yeah...I’m Jennie, Y/N’s other best friend” Jennie grinned at Leeteuk who narrowed his eyes at her.

“Really? I have known her for longer” He said, gripping my arm.

“Okay, this is not kindergarten for you to argue who is my best friend and who is not” I huffed, taking Leeteuk’s arm off me “We are all best friends, yeah? Plus, where’s Heechul, don’t you want to annoy him instead of us?”

“Yah, stop sending me always to my boyfriend!” Leeteuk hissed, turning around and walking away.

“He’s—nice” Jennie muttered as I took her arm and followed after Leeteuk who was probably taking us to the others.

“A sweetheart, but I guess he’s in a bad mood now” I shrugged, informing Jennie. Indeed, Leeteuk took us to the others and they were more than happy to meet Jennie, who was even happier. She wouldn’t stop speaking and it seemed like Jongin really likes her as he didn’t leave her side after we arrived there. Which is amazing since Jongin is actually pretty famous with the ladies, who knows…

“Racing tonight?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows at me.

“Yep” I smiled at him as he nodded with a grin.

“Sehun, right?”

“Yep”

“Well, I’m secretly rooting for you, kick his ass more” Kyungsoo patted my arm, making me laugh.

“That’s what will happen” I winked at him, Jongdae walking up to us.

“Y/N, nice seeing you—you should bring your car to the race line, Sehun is already there” Jongdae smiled, patting my shoulder. I nodded at him, turning towards Jennie.

“I have to go now, you stay with Jongin, okay?” She smiled and Jongin nodded at me, assuring me he’d take care of her. Pushing through the crowd, I found Leeteuk and Heechul at my car, making out.

“Fuck off, now!” I glared at them, hitting their heads.

“I hate you” Heechul glared at me and I arched an eyebrow at him.

“Seriously? And I hate it that you are making out on my car, don’t you have one?”

“I hope Sehun kicks your ass tonight” Heechul stuck his tongue out, making me jump at him but Leeteuk gripped my arms, pulling me into a hug.

“Don’t mind him, good luck” He winked at me as he let go of me, pushing me carefully inside my car. I huffed as I closed my door and watched as Heechul closed the other, winking at me. I started the car, churned the engine a little bit to get the attention of people so they’d clear the road. Pulling up to the start line, I took my place at the front since this was a Toge race again and Sehun wanted to be the chase driver again. Last time I was the chase driver and still won, this time won’t be different except that I’m the lead driver.

The engines were loud as Sehun was trying to show off behind me, but I focused more on myself not really paying attention to him. I can do this again, it will be funny. Looking at Jongdae, I pressed the gas pedal without actually leaving, biting my lower lip in anticipation. The white flag was raised and the second it came down I stepped on the gas, the car jolting forward with a sudden speed. I smiled as I relished in the feeling of driving down the streets without a care and with the desire of winning. My skin felt warmer and my heart was already beating faster even though we barely started. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Sehun’s Infiniti G37 Vaydor hot on my trails, making me press the gas pedal harder even though I couldn’t press it any further. The street was thankfully deserted, the lamps creating enough light for us to see if there were by-passers but to our luck so far no one was here. The road was wide and glancing in the rearview mirror I saw Sehun trying to drive out from behind me, with a smirk I pulled on the wheel, pulling in front of him, blocking his way. I know doing these things are annoying and get dangerous if you aren’t careful but I’m pretty sure Sehun isn’t planning to die tonight, because I definitely am not. Shifting gears I took a harsh right turn, the back of the car drifting harder. Grinning widely I shifted the gear again, speeding up faster than before, the engine already warm. A light caught my attention on my left and as I glanced there, Sehun’s car was beside mine and he waved as he speed up more. Clicking my tongue, I shifted gears, pressing the gas down harder, getting my initial leading position back. There was another right turn getting closer and closer, the last turn before we’d get back to the racers and one of us would be the winner. Smirking devilishly, I yanked on the wheel, obliging Sehun to actually slow down in order not to crash in me. Laughing loudly, I hit the wheel as I took the turn flawlessly, glancing in the rearview mirror to see Sehun actually behind a few good meters. Grinning to myself, I pressed on the gas, speeding down the street, coming to where the others were. The road was cleared as people were cheering loudly and I smirked I saw Jongdae waving the white flag high in the air. It’s a pity really, I think I got too used to Sehun’s presence and now that the bet said he will leave me alone…pity, really. I was almost there, just a little bit and I am the winner. But when I glanced back in the rearview mirror Sehun wasn’t behind me and when I looked beside me, he was there with a smirk.

“No!” I exclaimed when his bumper was visibly forward than mine, that making him instantly the winner. I pressed on the break harshly, eyebrows furrowing as my breathing was hard. It was quiet inside the car as everyone ran around us, patting our hot bumpers. I hit the wheel hard once, resting my head against the seat as I counted until ten. No way in hell Oh Snothun beat me, this isn’t happening. I was first all the time! And now I have to go on a date with him? Taking the seatbelt off, I opened the door forcefully, climbing outside. People were actually congratulating me, saying how good I was and how close. I scoffed at them and brushed off their hands, my blood boiling when Sehun walked towards me with a shit eating grin.

“Oh, look who lost” He bit his lower lip to stop a chuckle from escaping.

“What’s with that face, sweets? It hurts, right?” He finally chuckled, stopping in front of me. The crowd around us was watching closely, clearly entertained.

“I bet this hurts more” I hissed at him, my fist connecting with his jaw. The whole crowd gasped and suddenly they started cheering like I did the most moral thing when I really didn’t. Violence wasn’t anything accepted right here so it wasn’t okay that I did it, but I felt always frustrated around him and now him winning really annoyed me a lot.

“Oh, damn” Sehun chuckled, licking his lower lip that had a little blood now “I didn’t know I could work you up this good”

“This is half of what I can do” I hissed at him, gripping the collar of his shirt tightly and yanking him into me. Even though he was taller, and his amusement was only pegging me more, I’m pretty sure I look scary to the others right now.

“Did you cheat?” I hissed at him, searching his eyes as Sehun chuckled.

“I don’t cheat, sweets” Sehun smirked, placing his hands on my hips “But I do have a few tricks I could show you—In more fields actually” The crowd went wild at his words as if they were having the time of their lives, not helping my anger at all.

“Asshole, I put up with you for so long...you really think I don’t know you? Nitro is forbidden at this part of city, and you used it...at every race, didn’t you?” I glared at Sehun, feeling his hands tighten around me, jaw set tight.

“I don’t need to use Nitro in order to beat others asses, like yours, Y/N. I worked hard for where I am today, so if you don’t mind—shut that mouth of yours” Sehun hissed back, all traces of amusement or smugness gone as he glared back, his grip hurting me.

“Fuck you, Sehun” I snapped at him as suddenly firm hands were around me and were pulling me back. I didn’t actually try to fight back but my grip was hard on his collar and it was harder to pull me away. And it seemed like Sehun wasn’t planning on letting go either. Suddenly, Jongin was behind Sehun and he was pulling him away as well and finally they somehow pulled us away, our glares still remaining.

“Fuck me or not, you still have to go on that date with me tomorrow” Sehun glared at me, brushing Jongin’s arms off him.

“Fuck you, Sehun” I glared at him, hissing at Leeteuk when he pushed me inside my car.

“Amazing, see you at six o’clock” Sehun called as Jongdae and Minseok pulled him away, Jongin trailing after them.

“Go home, now” Leeteuk said in a stern voice, halfway closing my door “I’ll take care of Jennie, don’t worry”

I didn’t need to be told twice, once the door was closed, I started the engine and speed off as the road was now emptier since people were slowly going home. What an amazing night, fuck Snothun.

    Thankfully my anger went away with the sleep I got and right now everything that was left was a bitter feeling. I still somehow can’t believe Sehun beat me and at the same time I can’t believe I jumped at him in that way. It was very rude and uncalled for, but he really did annoy me a lot. Maybe I was too tired and that helped me snap as well. That didn’t mean I was in the mood to go on a date with Sehun, who wants to sit throughout a few hours with an annoying, smug jerk? Because I sure as hell don’t want that, but I did agree to the bet so I have no choice but to go. I dressed simple, not actually making an effort to look pretty or something. Sehun did force this date on me, but then I went into the bet without thinking about it too much. Locking the door of my apartment, I walked to the little pub two streets down where Sehun texted me we would meet. Putting on a fake smile when I spotted him, I walked towards him. His back was to me but he turned as if sensing when I was barely a few meters away from him.

“Oh, glad you came” He smirked, taking in my outfit. I wanted to grimace that we accidentally dressed matching. I was wearing white pants and him too, my shirt a dark brown that has floral design and Sehun in a turtleneck light brown sweater, the first time I see him dressed normally.

“Yeah, it would have been too rude not to come” I rolled my eyes “I did agree, didn’t I?”

“And I’m so glad you did” Sehun grinned, walking inside the pub as I followed him.

“Yeah, well I’m not” I muttered as we sat down at a table, Sehun sitting across me.

“Did you cool off?” He asked amused, watching me huff.

“I did and—I’m sorry for actually doing that” I said with a sigh, resting my arms on the table “It was very rude”

“It was but thinking back to it now, it is quite amusing” Sehun chuckled, opening the menu “I didn’t think you had so much power in you”

“Well, I might say one of my boyfriends in high school was in a gang” I muttered with a grin, making Sehun glance at me.

“So you’ve been around dangerous things all the time?”

“They weren’t dangerous and I just wanted to have fun” I shrugged, making Sehun smile actually.

“I always found it interesting that a girl actually drives a car and actually races” Sehun placed down the menu after we made our orders.

“My dad is a car mechanic, I grew up around cars and they became my passion at a young age” I said with a small smile “You know how girls like playing with dolls and do make up and steal their mother’s clothes? I did those when I got into high school, before—all I saw were cars”

“That actually explains lots of things” Sehun smirked, watching me intently.

“What? That I am rude and have no filter? Sometimes, it’s you who make me be like that with all your teasing” I glared at him playfully, making Sehun laugh.

“Because teasing you is funny, and don’t tell me you don’t like it?” Sehun narrowed his eyes at me as I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, your teasing is sometimes funny, but not all the time. There are times when I’m not in the mood”

“Please, you were the one who came this Thursday” Sehun smirked when I opened my mouth but didn’t say anything.

“Fine, that’s true. Because I was actually bored, that’s why I went—and besides, I knew you’d win” I smiled a little when surprise crossed Sehun’s face.

“Really? You, Y/N, actually said that?”

“Of course, Sehun...you are a great driver” I smiled at his expression, which was surprised and somewhat warm.

“Thanks, that’s...I mean, not many said that before” He muttered quietly.

“Didn’t you think of taking it further, not stopping at illegal races? You could become an actual racer, you have potential” I smiled at him, Sehun’s eyes snapping up at me.

“Not really, I don’t have the enough money yet” Sehun shrugged, playing around with his fingers.

“I could help” Both stared at the other, surprised. Why did I say that? Sehun seemed like he didn’t understand that either.

“No, don’t worry...it’s okay, Y/N” Sehun smiled for the first time genuinely.

“Sehun—” I narrowed my eyes at him as he raised his eyebrows “Why are you in a gang?”

“Oh, that” He shrugged, glancing away for a little moment “I had problems when I was little, my parents divorced and my mom was pretty destroyed so I turned on the wrong way. I guess I was in that phase when I thought joining a gang was cool...but actually it turned out to be my family. I feel safe with them and loved, something I didn’t get from my real family in long”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that. My childhood, well...I was a bad kid and even though my parents tried keeping me on the right way, I just couldn’t remain good. I did many bad things and hurt lots of people which I regret doing now, but we can’t go back in the past” I smiled, finding Sehun nodding at my words.

“We need to focus on our future” Sehun smiled as I nodded, finding myself actually enjoying his presence.

Being around Sehun was actually much better than I thought. He was funny and sometimes even got shy and it was as if he wasn’t even that boy anymore from the races. He was still teasing and smug at some times, but he was much more nicer and more...normal. After having dinner we decided to go for a walk and just chat more. I bit my lip when Sehun sneaked his fingers between mine, intertwining our fingers. I would have lied if I said I didn’t actually like his warm palm against mine, it felt like it was perfectly made for mine.

“What did you do with Snothun?” I asked with a laugh, turning my head towards Sehun.

“Snothun?” He started laughing loudly, joining me.

“Yes, that’s how I always call you because you are a pain in the ass” I narrowed my eyes at him, making him chuckle as he squeezed my hand.

“Call me baby from now on—or maybe daddy?” Sehun smirked when my cheeks suddenly heat up, it was the first time I blushed.

“Forget about that, asshole” I slapped his arm, glaring at him a little bit “I will never call you daddy”

“What a pity, it always gets me going” Sehun started again, laughing when I glared at him hard.

“You are not my boyfriend, Sehun” But that quickly shut him up as he stopped walking, turning towards me.

“Why not?” He pouted, making me roll my eyes at him.

“Because we went on a date because of a bet, nothing else”

“And if I want us to be more?” Sehun muttered, eyes dropping to my lips. I gulped suddenly feeling warm all over.

“You’ll have to stop being an asshole” I muttered, my eyes dropping to his perfect lips. Sehun chuckled slowly licking his lips as he leaned closer.

“I’ll work on that, yeah?” But I didn’t get to answer him as his lips were pressing against mine. He gripped my hips pulling me into him, my arms going around his neck. His lips were warm and soft against mine and I felt myself getting lost in our world as we kissed. He ran a finger through my hair, sucking on my lower lip as I pulled away with a smile.

“I know you’ll keep being a shit, but I can’t stay away anymore” Sehun giggled as he pecked my lips, pulling me after him.

Well, no one got hurt from having an annoying or teasing boyfriend.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 241

Cammie

"I'm dealing with two sick children and..."

"Cammie!" Trey snaps.

I drop the phone standing up from the chair. "What's wrong?"

Trey looks at me frowning. "Oh baby. I thought you were out there."

"You gave me a fucking freight." I say picking up my phone. "Mommi?"

"Huh?" She says.

I suck my teeth. "Anyway, you need to raise your own child. I shouldn't have to tell you that."

"Well..." she giggles. "Whatever Cammie. Mom would rather have her."

"Yeah okay." I say hanging up. "If she thinks she gonna be following me around the country she is wrong. I would fucking do it in a heartbeat if her and her daughter needed a place to stay but this is ridiculous."

Trey turns towards the house. "Oh baby it's time to breastfeed. I didn't want to bring Caden into the air."

I look out at the heat raising from the sand. "Tremaine, what air?"

"Can you come inside?"

"Is Lane sleep? If not no. I'm trying not to beat him."

"He not." Trey sighs. "He eating ice cream with Ike."

I walk into the house then peek into the kitchen. There is a lot going on in the house today. Everybody shit is too much to all be stuffed in this house together. I feel like my issues are priority and so does everyone else. It's not time to deal with individual problems but maintain connections.

"Hello Lane." Lonnie says opening the fridge. Lane says nothing. "Are you still not talking to me?"

"Lane, your grandpa is talking to you. You speak back. It's not nice to ignore people." I say.

He better not be trying to pick that up from Ike. It's not contagious. We will not be dealing with it. No sir. Lane giggles then he cuts his eyes at Lonnie. Oh he is playing a game. I hate his little games. Glad he plays them with other people and not me.

"That not grandpa. That Willie." Lane chuckles. "I not know he. He name Willie."

"Willie?" I say looking at Lonnie who was hard down laughing.

Lonnie holds out his hand. "Sorry I started it."

I roll my eyes. "Let Tremaine tell you it doesn't stop, Willie."

"He Willie." Lane laughs. "Mommy say that."

"Cammie." Amber says when I walk into the hall.

I walk by while saying... "Say my name again watch what happens."

"What?" Chris asks.

"She don't like me cause I'm pregnant and she not."

I laugh then cover my mouth. That bitch stupid if she thinks I am jealous of her being pregnant. Girl that was 5 months ago. I kiss Caden all over his face. I look down at my breast. Trey was rubbing on me. I suck my teeth then take Caden from him. He chuckles then lay back on the bed.

"What do you have this week?"

"I'm free this week. I've just been dancing to get my stamina up. But nothing scheduled."

Trey sighs. "I supposed to be talking with your... with Lonnie."

"About what?"

"He wants me to pray with him. Maybe I need some prayer."

I pop Caden on his butt. "Don't bite me. Your little butt will be getting a bottle. Stop."

"You really think he understands?"

"It scares him making him stop what he is doing. He will fucking learn cause I will do it every time he bites me. I supposed to let him bite me?"

"No."

It gets really quiet. I look over at Trey. He straights his face out. This bitch was really sitting over there mad that I popped Caden's diaper. He didn't cry. He just started sucking like he was supposed to. My husband is so sensitive.

"Tremaine, what do you want me to do when he bites me? Let him chew on my nipples?"

"He 5 months old."

I roll my eyes. I'm not letting him chew on my nipples. I let it go. "Fine I will start pumping."

"He going on solid foods soon. Pump and let him drink from a bottle. You not about to be hitting my son like that. He don't fucking understand shit."

"Okay." I say once again letting it go.

He fucking mad. "It doesn't fucking matter. I rather not snatch him off your breast. Do what the fuck you want."

Lonnie clears his throat. "Should I come back later?"

Trey gets off the bed slowly. "Now is the best time."

"You want to pray along?" Lonnie nods turning to walk out. "There's a place we can go to. Semi secluded in this spacious house. My family owns something similar to this in Charleston. Your family is welcome to use it free of charge. It might not have clear blue water but it has a private beach and wifi."

"Thanks." Trey says unimpressed.

I watch him walk out of the room. Caden pops my tittie out his mouth looking at where Trey once was. He let's out a cry and when it's ignored he let's out another. Little brat gonna get his daddy back. I cover my nipple. He turns to me and starts screaming and kicking his feet. I reach into my shirt, he calms down. Dickhead little boy.

"Everything okay?" Chris asks walking in then stepping out. "You need a do not disturb sign."

"Everything is okay." I snap. I look up. He was headed back out. "Aye, Chris, I know you might be in a happy place with your little fresh heartbeat but anyone can have a weak moment. I just don't want to be angry at you. Just in case. You couldn't have changed Trey's feeling or mood. I know that. I was just upset with you because you couldn't be the bigger man I was forcing you to be. It wasn't fair when Trey was the one being a jackass. All good?"

"I'm good."

I nod. "Okay."

"Hey, Lane." Chris says.

"Way my daddy?" Lane whines. "Way mommy?"

Chris pushes Lane into the room. "Don't be that person Lane."

"I not." Lane snaps. "I not, Uncle Chris!"

"Okay. Daylan." Chris says.

Lane starts pouring. "Mommy gone?"

"Lane." I say softly.

"Yes, Mommy."

I smile. "Come give me kisses. What are you trying to make a big deal about? You see me right here. Your daddy is here."

"No, ma'am." He says nicely walking over. "That Taden food? That Taden booboo?"

"Suddenly you can't say Caden?" I say hitting his hand away from Caden's eye.

He yawns hitting the bed with his head. "I sleepy. I want my mommy."

"Little boy." I laugh.

"Taden move." Lane whines.

I roll my eyes at Lane as he rolls his body on the bed not trying to get on it. I'm going to let his butt do what he wants. Trey thinks I'm too hard on these bad little boys. I know for a fact that I was an energetic whiny child. There are some things they can't get away with. Lane is bad and I have been popping him his whole life. Lane hits the floor when the bed ends. I sigh as he screams a high pitched cry. Of course two seconds later someone is there.

"Can you just help him on the bed, Ma?" I sigh. I reposition Caden.

"Lord." My mother says as she helps Lane into my lap. "That's why it's best to have them more than 2 years apart. They think you nasty by then."

Trey walks into the room looking mad. "I thought someone was crying."

"Lane." I say looking down at him. "Ma can you kinda lay him across my lap? He sleep."

"Already?" She asks turning him.

I lay back on the headboard. I'm not going anywhere for a while. Ma covers my boob that Lane was laying on. He wasn't sucking to get anything. The boy just wanted to be on me.

"Whatever as long as he doesn't feel unwanted." I say.

"That's all he wants." She says kissing Lane. "He is so sweet like this."

I chuckle and nod.

Trey

I walk back into the small mini lounge. It had a plant, an ottoman, a chair, and windows over looking the beach. It's as if they turned a half bath into a private meditation room. Just small enough for one person comfortably.

"Everything alright?"

"He is sleep." I shrug. "It seems like she be ignoring him. You know?"

He smiles. "I'm married to her mother."

I lean on the wall. "Yeah."

"We have prayed. You came back?"

"I need some advice about my anger and trust issues."

He chuckles a bit. "I mean you sing about being a panty dropper."

I shrug. "Yeah, but I haven't... That's my past."

"But it's not. Your reputation follows you beyond your past. Women don't respect you or your partner. People aren't going to just back off because you married. You still have money and influence. You would be surprised how many women don't care that I am a married Preacher. You demon be gone. I can't even make house calls to pray with people anymore."

"Why?"

He makes a face. "This member had cooked dinner and dressed up nicely. I excused myself to my car for my other bible and went home. Told my wife. We had our argument about that and I stopped making house calls."

"I don't see why you argued."

"I didn't leave right away. I might have l lingered for a few extra unnecessary minutes."

I laugh. "Yeah?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Temptation has many forms. You are going to be fighting throughout your marriage. Just have to be strong. Keep that link with God. He won't test you every day."

"I rather not get tested daily. Cammie's attitude tests me daily though."

"The Cammie I saw today is the same fragile Cammie I saw years ago. She does no wrong."

I stare at him as he smiles to himself proudly. "Are you serious man? She does nothing wrong? She perfect?"

"Is she not perfect?" He nods. "Maybe I'm overlooking something. What's wrong with her?"

"You people is what's wrong. She spoiled."

He frowns. "Am I the one who brought her a house in Georgia? Did I plan her a wedding in Alaska and fly her family up? Did I pay for a room in a hospital so she could be the only NICU mom that stayed inside of the hospital? Do I buy her clothes, shoes, and purses that she donates to her family before she even wears them? Or did I teach her to be independent and not rely on other people to provide for her? Were we not the ones who made her go to college inside of pursuing her dance career right out of middle school. She had an opportunity to be in a Disney show at 14."

I suck my teeth. "Okay, Lonnie. But we not talking bout material stuff."

"She doesn't get into trouble. So how are we spoiling a perfect Well behaved child?"

"You sick." I say laughing. "Okay."

"Were you not fussing about not disciplining your son when he does wrong?"

"Let's just agree to pray." I say turning to walk out.

He laughs extra long. "Do say a short prayer before starting any intense conversations. Ask for patience and clarity. Focus on the blessings that you do have."

"Like my perfect wife."

"Precisely."

They have it bad. Damn. There is no one that will listen to the wrong that Cammie does. Not even my own Mama. The little stupid things we argue about might not be big to other people. Cammie not the one cheating. Cammie not the one partying and doing drugs. So it's me.

"Tremaine?" Cammie says.

"Hey, Bae." I say smiling at her.

She pushes Lane off of her. He rolls over on the bed sleeping hard. She rolls over on her side. Lane pops his head up staring at her for rolling over on him. He crawls up on the bed hugging Caden who Cammie had dumped off of her when she rolled over. She holds her titties then sighs.

"I feel like a milking cow."

"You look beautiful. Not like a milking cow."

She sighs again. "You sure?"

"Yes."

"How was your prayer with Lonnie?"

I shrug. "He is okay. Team Cammie just as everyone."

"What does your praying have to do with me?" She snaps.

"I pray for you. I mean I prayed in hope that I will be a better person for you."

"Well be a better person. Don't do it just for me. You and God shouldn't have nothing to do with me. You be a better you for God."

"Whatever." I say laying on her.

She starts whining. "Tremaine, I just got them off of me and then you come laying on me. I'm hot. Get off of me."

I don't move. "Shut up."

"Tremai-ne." She drags. "Trey, get off."

"Jayla. Jayla. Jayla."

She sighs.

[a-random-army]

A Grumpy Rock & A Sunshine Mochi Chapter 16 (Yoonmin/Namjin/Taekook)

Oh my gosh, I hit 23 followers!! 

I’m so glad you guys like this chatfic and I’m proud of myself for being able to stay consistent enough to release a new chapter every day so far, even with classes and work. It means a lot to me that there are so many of you who actually like my writing and I’m grateful to have your support as I am in such a tight struggle to stay afloat since any and all of the money I earn from my jobs has been going to help pay for my grandmother’s hospital care and my college tuition  💗💗💗

Seeing a notification that someone liked a post of mine or reblogged one of my posts is enough to make me happy for the rest of the day, even when all I want to do is give up and drown in sorrow. From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thank you all for your support and help, especially to @charrytommoto who has been my greatest motivator to stay in college and not drop out as well being my inspiration to write and stay alive 💖💖💖

Thank you everybody, I love you all and I hope you guys will enjoy this chapter a💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Please continue to support me by buying me a coffee/spreading the word about my Buy Me A Coffee plage, https://www.buymeacoffee.com/96Gp3b42v I am hoping to hit at least half the number of coffees (1000 coffees) I need by the end of this week, thank you all so much!

REQUESTS AND ASKS ARE OPEN

WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE 

                                                   Chapter 16 of ??

                            [YOONMIN NEEDS TO SAIL BEFORE I DIE]

KookieBear: ....

KookieBear: so we may or may not have a situation atm.....

PrincessEomma: OH GOD WHATS WRONG WHAT HAPPENED

RapGodofDestruction: DID YOU AND TAE FIGHT AGAIN???

HopefulAngel: its not kook and tae this time

TaeTae: yeah we good but what’s up??

HopefulAngel: yall remember that cocky little bitch that joined my dance studio a few weeks ago?

PrincessEomma: no, should we?

RapGodofDestruction: isn’t his name like something with dae?

HopefulAngel: yeah, daesuk.

Jeongie: why is my boyfriend upset?

TaeTae: ur alive, jeonghan???

Jeongie: of course i’m alive?? 

Jeongie: now which of you fuckers pissed off my boyfriend

KookieBear: it wasn’t any of us

KookieBear: it was daesuk who aggravated all of us

Jeongie: who the fuck is that bitch.

Jeongie: what the fuck did he do.

PrincessEomma: yeah kookie, what did he do?

TaeTae: also why are we in this group chat?

KookieBear: so we were rehearsing this new choreo Hobi came up with for a showcase at the uni and everything was going fine

KookieBear: but then one of the newbies stumbled into jiminie-hyung and he fell onto daesuk by accident

KookieBear: but daesuk got really pissed off and went off on jiminie-hyung, saying shit like why is he even in the studio when he can’t even dance and shit like that

PrincessEomma: THAT FUCKING LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT SAID WHAT TO MY BABY  (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

PrincessEomma: JOONIE HOLD MY FLOWER I GOTTA GO BEAT HIS ASS  (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿

RapGodofDestruction: I GOT YOUR FLOWER AND I’M COMING WITH YOU

TaeTae: BUT WHY ARE WE IN THIS GROUP CHAT????

TaeTae: shouldn’t we be in the giant family one so Yoongi hyung knows too???

KookieBear: baby, i love you but do you not remember how hyung can get when he’s that pissed off?

TaeTae: that’s my point, kookie

KookieBear: .....fair enough

HopefulAngel: SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOS

Jeongie: YES BABE??

PrincessEomma: WHAT IS IT

RapGodofDestruction: WHAT’S GOING ON NOW

HopefulAngel: IDK HOW BUT YOONGI HYUNG IS HERE AT THE STUDIO NOW AND HE LOOKS INSANELY MAD

Hoseok watched with wide eyes as an absolutely livid Min Yoongi stormed into his dance studio, the elder’s body completely tensing up and his eyes darkening until they were black with rage when he heard Daesuk’s voice flinging insult after insult at his Sunshine. 

Without any hesitation, Yoongi’s hand reached out and grasped Daesuk by the throat as he slammed the younger into the wall behind him. Gasps erupted from all around the room as everyone watched with fearful eyes as Jimin’s boyfriend took control of the situation.

“What the fuck did you say about my Jimin, you little cunt?” Yoongi snarled, his anger consuming his whole being. Faintly, he could hear Hoseok dismiss the other dancers in the studio and Jimin quietly sniffling. Daesuk struggled to breathe around the hand grasping his throat tightly “G-gak..wh..who..are..you”

“Oh, me?,” Yoongi arched a slender eyebrow as he sneered coldly “I’m no one important, just Jimin’s boyfriend.”

Daesuk’s eyes widened at the news, having heard the rumors of how the notorious bad boy Yoongi was an extremely possessive and protective man of his boyfriend in Uni and had no qualms about putting those who even breathed wrong in Jimin’s direction six feet underground. 

“So you have heard of me?” Yoongi mused, his eyes staring coldly into Daesuk’s wide eyes as he relaxed his grip on the younger’s throat just a tiny bit. Daesuk nodded his head as he begged frantically “Don’t hurt me! Don’t hurt me!”

“Wow, Yoongi-hyung didn’t even do anything yet and he’s already begging for his life.” came the distinct voice of Jungkook from behind Yoongi. Turning his head slightly, Yoongi nodded his head in greeting at Jungkook and took a quick glance at his still sniffling boyfriend before turning his attention back to the man whose throat he was still grasping.

“You should be grateful for my boyfriend. Not only is he willing to put up with your whiny little ass and bitching, but he’s the only reason why you’re not six feet under just yet.” Yoongi sneered coldly then wrinkled his nose in disgust when the scent of piss and shit assaulted his nose. Grimacing in his disgust, he released his grasp on Daesuk’s throat, wiping his hand on his jacket of his suit.

Throwing one more disgusted glance at the man cowering on the floor, he smirked cruelly as he said “Good luck trying to find a job as a dancer with the entertainment companies.”

And with that, he scooped his boyfriend up into his arms bridal-style and out of the studio. In the safety and comfort of his hyungie’s arms, Jimin buried his face into the crook of Yoongi’s neck and continued to cry quietly until he finally fell asleep.

Once he was sure Jimin was asleep, Yoongi placed him in the passenger seat of his Audi, buckling Jimin in and placing a cushion under his head to make sure he didn’t bump his head on anything. Then getting in the driver’s side, he drove them smoothly and quietly back to their apartment, carrying Jimin into their bedroom and laying him gently on the giant bed then tucking him in.

When Yoongi moved to let Jimin rest, he froze when he heard Jimin whimper in his sleep “Hyungie....no go...stay with Minnie..”

“Okay, baby. Hyungie’s gonna be right here with you, baby boy.” Yoongi whispered, quickly shedding his clothes and slipping under the covers. As if sensing Yoongi’s presence, Jimin immediately latched onto Yoongi’s body, tucking his head under Yoongi’s chin as he curled into the elder’s body.

Jimin moaned gently as his eyes fluttered awake, surprised to find himself in his boyfriend’s arms and in their bedroom instead of Hoseok-hyung’s dance studio. Tilting his head up curiously, he giggled sweetly when he saw that his hyungie was still asleep then yelped when familiar fingers brushed against his tummy, effectively tickling him. Pouting, he pawed at his hyungie’s chest until Yoongi finally opened his eyes.

“Hi hyungie.” Jimin greeted, his voice shy and timid. A rosy blush spread across his face as Yoongi peppered his face in butterfly kisses, making him squeak with each one. Chuckling lowly, Yoongi murmured “Hello, little kitten.”

“I’m not a kitten!” Jimin whined, hiding his blushing cheeks in his sweater paws. Yoongi chuckled, pulling Jimin’s hands away kissed the tip of his nose before pulling Jimin over so that he was lying on his back while Jimin laid on top of his body. Peeking up shyly, Jimin asked timidly “Yoongi-hyungie.....do you think I’m good at dancing?”

Yoongi cupped Jimin’s face in his hands as he answered “I don’t think you’re good at dancing. I know you’re a fantastical dancer.”

Jimin giggled when Yoongi drew his face closer until their lips connected in a sweet and gentle kiss, a breathy moan slipping out from Jimin’s throat. Pressing himself closer, Jimin’s tiny hands clutched at Yoongi’s black shirt as Yoongi continued to kiss down his throat, stopping to suck and nibble on some spots and making Jimin mewl as he arched his neck to give Yoongi better access.

“Baby, I want you to listen to me.,” Yoongi’s deep voice rumbled pleasantly against the sensitive skin of Jimin’s throat. Jimin let out a curious sound then squeaked when Yoongi nipped at his weak spot on his throat. “You are perfect the way you are and no one can tell you otherwise. You are my perfect angel and I love you just the way you are.”

It was then that the speakers in the room began to play an all too familiar melody, making Jimin gasp in surprise.

                                      Don't the water grow the trees                                         Don't the moon pull the tide                                         Don't the stars light the sky                                       Like you need to light my life                                           If you need me anytime                              You know I'm always right by your side                                        See I've never felt this love                              You're the only thing that's on my mind

Jimin squealed in surprise then moaned when Yoongi managed to undress him in seconds and latched onto one of his pretty rosy nipples, suckling on the bud harshly and swirling his tongue over the sensitive nub then switching to the other one and back until both nipples were stiffened little peaks. 

                    You don't understand how much you really mean to me                                                 I need you in my life                                                  You're my necessity                                       But believe me you're everything                                     That just makes my world complete                        And my love is clear the only thing that I'll ever see

“H-Hyungie!” Jimin gasped, his small hands coming up to grasp at Yoongi’s shoulders when he felt one of Yoongi’s hands wrap around his flushed cock and stroke it gently. Yoongi hummed as he sucked and nibbled on his Sunshine’s chest, set on his plan to make sure Jimin knew just who he belonged to and whose opinion should matter the most to him.                                                 You're all I ever need                                                  Baby, you're amazing                                    You're my angel come and save me                                                 You're all I ever need                                                 Baby, you're amazing                                    You're my angel come and save me

”Oh! Y-Yoon-Yoongi!” Jimin cried out when one of his boyfriend’s long fingers breached his hole slowly, rubbing against his walls teasingly until it finally pressed itself against the bundle of nerves hidden deep in him while the other hand continued to stroke his leaking cock. Grinding down on his boyfriend’s still clothed body, he whined and pawed at Yoongi’s clothing, wanting the offending articles off. 

                                          Don't the water grow the trees                                             Don't the moon pull the tide                                             Don't the stars light the sky                                           Like you need to light my life                                           We can do anything you like                                 I know we both can get it right tonight                                        You got your walls built up high                                       I can tell by looking in your eyes

”Hn...p-pl..please..hyungie...ah..oh...” Jimin whimpered, arching his back when Yoongi added another finger and used both fingers to rub against his prostate, drawing moans out from Jimin’s plump lips. Smirking, Yoongi asked innocently “Yes, baby? What is it you want hyungie to do?”

                     You don't understand how much you really mean to me                                               I need you in my life                                               You're my necessity                                  But believe me you're everything                                 That just makes my world complete                   And my love is clear the only thing that I'll ever see

”H-hyungie!,” Jimin pouted, his cheeks a bright red at hearing what his boyfriend wanted him to say. Yoongi smiled angelically as he thrusted his fingers in fast and deep, pressing hard against Jimin’s sensitive prostate and making the younger fall forward with a strangled cry. “Ah! Yoon-Yoongi hyungie! W-want you....wa-want hyungie i-in me...”

”Hmm.....no.” Yoongi replied, adding another finger and rubbing all three fingers against the sensitive bundle of nerves. Jimin sobbed, writhing desperately against his hyungie’s body as his cock was stroked fast until he could feel his release drawing closer and closer. 

                                              You're all I ever need                                               Baby, you're amazing                                 You're my angel come and save me                                              You're all I ever need                                              Baby, you're amazing                                 You're my angel come and save me

Jimin shrieked as he came long and hard, arching his back and clutching at Yoongi like his life depended on it. Yoongi removed his fingers from Jimin’s hole and gently nudged Jimin’s head up until they were looking into each other’s eyes then keeping his eyes trained on Jimin’s face, Yoongi drew his hand from Jimin’s softening cock and licked the cum clean off of his hand, making the younger flush brightly and duck his head shyly at the lewd gesture.

                                           When it comes to you                                             Baby, I'm addicted                              You're like a drug, no rehab can fix it                    I think you're perfect, baby, even with your flaws                                    You ask what I like about you                                             Ooh, I love it all

“What’s wrong, love? Why are you getting shy on me now?” Yoongi hummed, his hands coming up to stroke Jimin’s back soothingly. Jimin refused to look up, his cheeks a furious shade of red as he whined “Hyungie...that’s gross...” 

                                          When it comes to you                                             Baby, I'm addicted                           You're like a drug, no rehab can fix it                 I think you're perfect, baby, even with your flaws                                   You ask what I like about you                                             Ooh, I love it all

“But baby boy, I thought I made it clear that I’m addicted to the taste of you.” Yoongi chuckled at the squeak of embarrassment from the ball of sunshine curled up on his body. Sitting up, he quickly undressed himself then scooped Jimin back up bridal-style as he carried him into the master bathroom, where the tub was already beginning to fill with warm water. Grabbing a bath bomb, he sat down in the tub with Jimin between his legs as he dropped the bath bomb into the water, making the water swirl into a myriad of colors.

Jimin sighed as he relaxed his body in Yoongi’s arms, gentle coos and purrs of contentment leaving his luscious lips as Yoongi washed his body with soft gentle strokes as he sang softly 

“You're all I ever need  Baby, you're amazing You're my angel come and save me  You're all I ever need Baby, you're amazing You're my angel come and save me”

“I love you hyungie, thank you for everything.” Jimin murmured sleepily, cuddling into Yoongi’s warm chest. He felt Yoongi press gentle kisses to the top of his head then heard his soft voice reply “And I love you, my Sunshine. You’re my perfect angel.”

I HOPE YOU ALL LIKED THIS

I ACCEPT REQUESTS AND ASKS TOO!!

[prompt-master]

Sniffles

For my wonderful beautiful outstanding and lovely friend who's incredibly talented and funny, @403secret happy birthday 🎂🎉 Brooke felt so damn miserable. Her face felt like she fell asleep in the sun and her entire being felt gross from all the sweat and snot endlessly flowing. She had gotten sick suddenly, positive that it was from all the strain and stress she'd been putting on herself lately, and now she felt two seconds from death. She sniffled weakly and rubbed at her itchy nose with no relief before groaning into the leg she was laying on. Chloe glanced down and rolled her eyes, "If you get a drop of snot on my nice ass leggings-" Brooke groaned again and rolled over, now laying on her back with her eyes covered by her arm. Chloe frowned a bit at the pale complexion and the growing flush, but forgot about that when Brooke whined again, "Ugh, I won't I won't Chlo." Chloe ran two fingers through Brooke' s hair, stopping every now and then to take a knot out as painlessly as possible, "You didn't have to sleep over if you were this sick. I can like- bring you home so you can stop being a whiny bitch" Brooke shook her head, peaking an eye out from under her arm and cringing at what little light broke through, "If I go home I'll have to do like...chores or something" "Yeah. Fuck that." Chloe stopped brushing Brooke's hair and placed her fingers across the girls forehead. A quick flash of concern washed over her face, she instantly lost all amusement, "Wow you're kinda...burning up." "Am i?" Brooke sighed and placed her hand against her cheek, "Feels fine to me..." Brooke sniffled loudly and then curled up in Chloe's lap to let out a series of sneezes. When she finished she sniffled again and held her abdomen with a little whine, "Ow..." She had been sneezing so much it got sore. Chloe sighed, "Get up, I'm thirsty." "...Sorry Chlo." Brooke scooted down the couch and off her lap, miserably sneezing down into the cushions and trying to catch it on her sleeve. Chloe gently tapped her knee to tell her it was alright before heading off to the kitchen and making Brooke some instant tea. When she came back with the cup in hand Brooke was sitting up, running a hand through her messy fizzy hair in attempt to make it calm down. She had her loose t-shirt knotted in the back to make a crop top, her fever making the sweat roll down her exposed stomach. Every now and then her nose would drip, when she noticed Chloe she blushed embarassed and hid her face. "Sorry Chloe I know you think it's gross so-" "Yeah yeah here" Chloe handed her a tissue box that Brooke gladly accepted, adding to the growing pile of destroyed tissues in garbage cans. She sat next to Brooke who rested her head down on her shoulder and passed over the tea. Brooke smiled, holding the warmth so the steam hit her face, she hoped her sinuses would clear, "Mmm..wish I could smell it." "Well lucky for you, so long as you don't burn your tongue you can still taste" Chloe smiled, playing a new movie on Neflix for them to watch. Brooke hummed, feeling drowsy from only a few warm sips down her scratchy throat, "You're the best." I love you Chloe rested her head against Brooke's, "I know." I love you too

[redlemonz]

Day #21

21. My favourite number, my lucky number and also my day of birth (not today, but in a different month where the numbers are mirrored). Not as lucky as I ended up imagining though, considering it was also the 21st of last month when she ended things. Certainly hating the number now - enough so that I don't want another birthday celebrated. Especially not this year anyway, even if I am gonna reach the quarter century milestone - I just don't want it to be an occasion without her next to me. I'm allowed to be that little whiny bitch, so leave me be. Nevertheless, three weeks have passed, and this would usually be the maximum point, based on history, at which we would start rekindling our lives together after a break - but not this time. This is permanently set in stone it seems, and there's nothing that can be done to chip away at this new wall between us. All I have to do is continue to build and work upon my own wall known as acceptance too, even if my love for her will remain solidified and in tact. Anyhow, I had the best possible ending to my weekend last evening, even though I decided against attending the pot luck dinner party that the Dancing Dentist hosted. I apologised and felt bad, but I was honest with her about my social inability at this stage - and gladly too, as she was sweetly understanding when informing me that there would be over twenty or so people present. I received a snap from her, of her surprisingly watching one of the X-men movies - I was almost in disbelief, but joyous that she was voluntarily viewing a comic book based film. The cutest part is that we discussed it live while watching the last thirsty or forty minutes together. More specifically that she kept asking questions such as "why is he turning blue?" or "why did she join the bad people?" which constantly made me grin. It may sound somewhat sad, but to me it almost felt as though she was there with me while we watched, with my arm around her on the couch, or my fingers intertwined in hers. I even received a friendly heart at the conclusion of our chat, which I've learned not to think much into - except to take the goodness and little moments that make me smile as they come. Day 21 - Keep fighting, don't ever surrender Another Monday at work beginning with my heart throbbing noticeably against my chest yet again. Not the kind of sick day Monday I prefer at all. Maybe I need to start having a coffee on weekends too, for the sake of consistency, and in order for my body to adjust better. Even if in reality it's my mind causing the initial trouble to begin with. I can't stop thinking about that beautiful creature and our recent memories together. Reliving the inner sinking feeling this time around, as the disbelief of everything falling apart so quickly and unexpectedly strikes me again. I just hate that it happened so much that I can't stop whining like a fricken kid about the reality of my faults that led to it all. Everything kinda felt like the transition of the weather throughout the day yesterday, with the end result being quite similar - me, lying in and accepting the storm of events as it came. Because there's nothing I could do to alter that inevitable fate. I have to say though, that absence has in fact made my heart grow fonder. The distance has created a better and more verified sense of learning and understanding, and the space has enabled me to gain some freedom in mind and of thought in order to reflect upon my incapabilities and faults. This is also known as the rehabilitation part mentioned, of the prison I've been held in legitimately. I can't wait to see her whenever the next time may be, even if it has to be with the new barriers and rules in between us. Just to see her beautiful smile again will be rewarding and heartwarming. Back in the real world, my anxiety was a bit more unmanageable for whatever reason, than an average day. I've taken some time out after the lunch break and been laying down on the bed in the sick room, for which I have a key as a first aider thankfully (one of the significant reasons to become a first aider at this work place - napping sessions). I've just focused on breathing at a normal pace and calming down my heartbeat accordingly. Part of me wants to cry out some tears because it believes that will resolve the matter quicker, or more efficiently at least, but my tear ducts seem to be empty at this point. Guess it's just something to get over as usual in natural course. Until it restarts next time that is. At least I've learned to control it much better and get on top of it far more than I use to be able to (yup, everything described thus far in relation to anxiety is a big improvement from all of my prior years). She's given me this strength to contain myself better and fight back. If she were physically here, the sweet girl would probably drive over, take me for a walk to the beach or something to get my mind cleared and freed - and it'd usually help a great deal.. especially so because I'd have the loveliest company. Even simply hearing her voice or receiving a message from her, as previous stories would indicate, play a large contributing factor towards calming my troubled mind and soul - because she reminds me of what it feels like to be loved. Back home to an empty house as the family is away doing their thing. By that I mean they'll both be at medical appointments because that's very common at this day and age for them.. though it has been for the last decade too. I guess I'm use to the idea as a result, but it's always worrying and fearful to wonder how each one may go, as theres always been an ongoing, unhealthy history of medical complications and issues within the family. Diabetes, heart failure, high blood pressure and so on. Don't get me wrong, Ill always be there with them whenever I can or am needed, which is probably more accurate. That's because I'm likely a crap son too who should really make more effort not just when it's required, but always for them. Like they did raising me and giving me the good life I don't deserve. They've provided me with countless freedom and individuality to live my own the way I choose (with the assistance of my own teenage rebellions), which is certainly a big deal in this culture and religion, especially when your parents can be largely on the old-fashioned, traditional side of life. It's the way in which they've displayed love and support to me, which is the biggest treasure I could've asked for. I'm just always afraid of not being able to give back enough, because I never do feel I'm good enough when it comes down it. It's one of the biggest reasons I'm afraid to move on from home too, thinking that I haven't warranted my leave without repayment for everything they've done for me over my lifetime. It's aeon nerve wracking thinking about the fact that something could suddenly happen any day and I'll be required at any point. Even though I know my sister and brother in law are around, living not all that far away, but also that they do have their own family to constantly give their attention and care for also. Its also tough knowing that you're relied on in general, even when you don't actually do much, and in all likelihood take your own parents for granted more than anyone else - because they're the closest to you. Because I'm a selfish idiot who is never happy and kicks up a fuss for all the good things in his life. Don't mistake me however regarding the douchebag statement of them being reliant on me at any given time - because of course they can, and they never put any unnecessary pressure on me or make me feel like I'm stuck at all. I'm just stating that I'm generally afraid of potential failure when the time comes to actually do something. I'm slowly trying to actually be a better son to them. I just want to be good enough for the people I love. But I keep failing, as constantly depicted. The only reason they don't leave me too is because they're obliged to stay, especially because they've invested so much into me. Simply to be a let down to them, and all the other loved ones around me. I've already lost her, and she was basically my family too. As I indulge in some anxiety filled iron pumping at the gym (yes I finally managed to force myself after what's been 9 days of burgers, pizzas and fried chicken), my brain turns back to its usual channel, as it recognises the familiarity of my current location. All the hurtful, hateful, and overall negative memories come back to strike at my insecurities from every direction of my mind, reminding me once again of what a worthless piece of shit I am. The jealousies, the overreactions, the blaming, the guilt tripping and the lack of trust, to say the least - all crimes committed against her because I was constantly too self obsessed with proving to myself that I am good enough, but ironically needing her to ascertain that by doing specific things and alter her principles and way of life to prove it to me. I hate myself for it again and again as I recap my regrets. However this time's a little bit different and scarier, so to speak. As my arms rest in an upward curling position against a weight machine, I spot the various physical reminders on my left forearm, of the pain and suffering my past has caused me. Here I thought they wouldn't be as perceptible or even mildly noticeable anymore years later, but apparently past me wanted to ensure these scars would be visible for a long time, and made sure to put in the effort to establish that. Now I said this was a bit scarier, right? But it's really not for me - I'm trying to view it from a natural outsider perspective to keep myself in check right this moment. Because standard me, who's unusually (and thankfully) choosing to ultimately listen to outsider me, is reaching out for help and grabbing onto outsider, real me, saving me from following the darker path this time around. That's because standard me looks down at his scars and ponders whether he should add some more to the mix, or even retouch the current ones. The horrific part of this being that outsider me realises and understands that standard me truly believes there's no problem with it, and is content and accepting with the idea and possibility of acting upon those thoughts. Let me give you a very general and straightforward idea as to why people are 'stupid' enough to cause self-harm. Especially the idiots like me. Warning though, it might be slightly or majorly distressing, depending on who you are. Whether it be as a result of insecurities, an imbalanced level of serotonin in your head, or likely even both - much like what you may have witnessed with me on occasion (or a lot), is the conclusive guilt, worthlessness, loneliness, envy, despair and so on and so forth that occur, all fundamentally contributing to eventual self hatred. Once you get to that point, and if nothing much has changed in your eyes to make you feel otherwise, well it sucks - because the hatred continues to grow deeper and darker, and amplifies to the point where your mind has no remaining room to actually take a breath. The constant battle you're trying to fight with yourself is just a bloody mess, an absolute war zone, but your weakness ultimately overpowers you, and you forfeit control involuntarily - as much as it may seem otherwise to the douchebag who tells you to just be happy, or to get over it. So sometimes, the only way to regain a little bit of oxygen and to free yourself from the chokehold that's tightly grasped around the neck of your brain, is to transition your bloody mess to reality. To feel the physicality of your mental punishment - because you need to experience the pain in a different, more realistic setting first hand. It keeps you in touch with your humanity in a strangely poetic way. Majorly for me, as per my past, I always found it to be a good distraction and substitute from the emotional and mental pain that I couldn't withstand any longer. The intense pressure boils your mind alive, and desperation for relief is found in this new method of self-harm. Because technically you've been punishing yourself this whole fucking time anyway - who's to say that just because it's not physically visible doesn't mean you aren't experiencing it? This is your mind, and your body. Others are simply afraid of what they don't understand in this regard. This is why suicide is sadly often enough referred to as the 'coward's way out' too - because once you're mentally out of air from this battle you've constantly been fighting against yourself, the suffocation feels much like the conventional portrayal. Eventually when you've had enough pain and suffering, and come to terms with your unchanging circumstances, the white flag goes up, and you surrender into the darkness. It's not cowardly, it's just incredibly tragic and sad that a beautiful soul had to reach that point in order to rid themselves of all their troubles. So I'm fighting each day - we all are. Trying to locate meaning and self worth in ourselves, and simply just wanting to feel loved, recognised and valued, in my case. I'm getting there - learning and evolving every day, even if it's slow progress at times. But how do I know I'm on the right track to winning this battle? Because I'll keep fighting, and I won't ever surrender. I'm not actually going to add to my collection of markings, as It's now just an afterthought at this point, and I'm striding past it as best as I can. Even though I did have a drawback recently, as I had my brief momentary lapse in which the physical element of self punishment against my face, mentioned days ago, was present - I've grown and learned from that experience and I'm stronger now. She helped me resolve that battle quickly, by somehow providing me with the clarity in which I actually understood that I amplified something out of nothing, and provided me with love. So I embrace these scars that I view on my left forearm, as they are now simply nothing more than reminders that my past is real, and that I've battled hell already to make it where I am today.