#i am waiting for that sense of relief i am waiting for you to flee the scene

[daffythefox]

Deatch Cab for Cutie songs about avoidant attachment styles my beloved

[verdemoun]

How does it go when John and Javier see each other again? Obviously they have their interaction in rdr1 but they don’t talk about how bad things got in the last chapter of rdr2 and I’m curious if either one of them held any bitter feelings and also if John and/ot Arthur noticed how Javier pointed his gun at the sky, refusing to shoot either one of them?

Raaaaaah john and javier in timewarpppp

important context: i headcanon this interaction in rdr2 was actually a response to john asking javier to leave the gang with him, abigail and jack in a 'we had a thing that can't be a thing anymore because i do love my wife and my son and am entirely devoted to keeping them safe but i do still Care about you and don't want to lose you' and javier's response was like 'oh great so i'll be the little mexican peasant turned farmhand waiting for the big tough landowner to get bored of his wife and come fuck me?'

^^ in saying this javier didn't snitch to dutch or micah that john very much had a plan in place to leave because he was still loyal to john too. it was a great act of love to feel like he was betraying dutch but letting john have that chance even though he still felt like john was betraying the gang too

look i love me some toxic yaoi i'm the problem it's me

ALSO in timewarp canon, John did kill Javier and hand his corpse over to the bureau instead of taking Javier in alive. it was a mercy killing in a sense because he did capture Javier alive but he knew Javier too well and did still love him. he didn't want him going through whatever torture they had planned and he knew Javier was afraid as much as he hid it behind taunts and insults.

all of them lived so many lives between 1899 and 1911. javier timewarped, saw the gang and broke down crying like tears of relief to see them but also just the guilt and shame wanting to admit they were right dutch abandoned him the second the pinkertons turned up and he should have trusted arthur and he was a fool not to see through dutch and for arthur it's more of a 'oh shit that's right you were still in beaver hollow too'

it's not something that haunts arthur?? at some point he stopped thinking about that moment it's not a core memory for arthur. he remembers susan being killed, dutch still not believing micah was the rat, the relief of realizing john was still alive only to be cut short by trying to help his little brother flee and saying goodbye knowing it was the last time while still begging dutch to see some semblance of reason and do not go with micah. who was pointing what at who was a detail lost to memory a long time ago

javier escuella was no one's priority in chapter 6. and that hurts ME but also like javier being able to slip away because not even the pinkertons would prioritizes chasing him over hunting down The Dutch van der Linde. no one remembered or held onto what javier did in chapter 6.

javier is so desperate for the gang back and so willing to forget all the bad things and the dark years between 1899-1911. the gang are honestly pretty happy to just let javier be himself in a much more he wants to be rdr2 guitar playing suave loser javier instead of some dictator's hired gun

john and javier, however, is like. they still love each other guys they are the same breed of doomed as arthur and mary where it just would never work but that love is still there.

javier is sorry john didn't get to go back to his family. he genuinely feels bad because he knows john didn't willingly decide to hunt him down after 12 years (well maybe the gang had to fill him in on the whole abigail and jack were literally being held hostage situation but javier didn't hold onto that anger for long at all)

john very honestly says he is sorry for what happened in 1911 and if he had any other choice he would never choose to capture or kill javier. what he does not say is he has nightmares over the second he pulled the trigger and javier became a corpse and the angst of being so used to seeing corpses but the fact it was javier, having to carry him limp to the awaiting bureau car, the absolute psychological toll it had on him.

there is an intensely painful moment where while neither one says it they are both have the thought of 'well abigail isn't going to be here for three years do we - pick up with how things were in 1899?' cross their minds

But john is so in love with abigail and missing his wife and also having his daughter back having to raise her as a sole parent for 3 years until abigail gets there when the cumulative time he spent with jack one-on-one probably doesn't even add up to three years.

javier is having to redefine himself. he really doesn't know who he is being with the gang again. he half expects to look into the mirror and see his younger rdr2 self but it's not. does he really want to immediately fall back into john and what is for lack of better words an affair? getting to play house and be in a relationship until the second abigail appears and knowing he will never be john's priority over her?

damn if only there was some autistic irish loser who also loves fishing, understands the intense complexity of guilt and betrayed loyalty, abandoning ideals for the sake of survival, and could help javier learn he deserves better than being john's second choice

javier and bill though are also proper friends they get to talk to each other about it because both have very intense responses and different perspectives on beaver hollow. also hc they ran with each other for a fair while after the gang fell apart before splitting off because bill was slowly starting to form his own gang and javier was just tired and did not want to go through that again esp because bill was already power tripping.

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Momma bear

Pairings: Weems x Thornhill x Reader (platonic)

Word count: 1.8K

Summary: Reader is struggling with some pains and exhaustion while trying to find her feet at a new job. It's your scary boss that seems to be your saviour.

TW: Exhaustion, pain

A/n I’ve been slacking when it comes to posting on tumblr but I am still posting on my A03… I’m slowly catching up on tumblr. A03 linked in pinned post. Also this was a request i just forgot to make it a reply to the request. It was a request by 🕯anon.

It had been a long time since you walked these halls. You were a student last time you were here all those years ago. But now you were back. Nevermore seemingly hadn’t changed much. Training to teach outcasts was a hard job and so it made sense that for your first few months you had been assigned as a kind of assistant teacher to Ms Thornhill, just to show you the ropes before you stepped into a full teaching role. You were simply to shadow her and learn a bit more about the students and the way that classes were run now. With the new principal you had already seen some impressive changes around the school such as the normie teacher who was sat at her desk marking while. You watered the plants.

Your thoughts drifted back to your boss. To be honest she scared you quite a bit. She held an air of power around her than commanded respect and of course that made you more than a little nervous to be honest.

Watering the freshly potted white roses it was getting harder to ignore the pains and aches. Sneaking a glance at your future colleague who seemed still very wrapped up in her marking you brought your spare hand to gently massage the back of your neck. You bit your lip at the feeling of pain, muddled with relief. The pain in your neck traveled and you found yourself massaging your temples as it settled into a sizeable headache. Trying to focus on the task at hand you went back to watering with your now shaky hands wrapped around the white watering can. It was enchanted to always be full so at least that made it a little easier. It also felt empty which was good because your arms ached, fatigue rolling over you in crashing waves of unrelenting tiredness with the vigour of a lion it sank its teeth into you with vengeance. Noticing that Ms Thornhill has stopped scribbling on her students' papers and was now studying you closely you flushed, an uncomfortable warmth settling in your cheeks. You did your best to act normal and went back to work hoping Ms Thornhill didn’t think too much of it.

Unfortunately, she did. This wasn’t the first time she had become aware of your obvious discomfort. She knew you were anxious about the new job and the new boss, but she sensed something more was going on. This was around the fourteenth time in the last week you had seemingly been in pain, and she couldn’t in good conscience keep it to herself. She had a meeting with Larissa soon to discuss your progress anyway and had already decided to mention it to her friend then.

Deciding to take pity on you and avoid suspicion she waited a few minutes before dismissing you. The obvious look of relief on your face was palpable.

You were beyond thankful and said some quick words before hastily fleeing the classroom. You had barely taken off your shoes and flopped into bed by the time you were asleep, exhaustion winning out.

It was safe to say larissa was concerned. She quite liked you after all. You were polite and rather soft spoken but clearly highly intelligent, you would be a valuable member of her teaching staff and she was looking forward to getting to know you. However, she was quite aware of your nerves around her. When Marilyn had confided in her that you were seemingly unwell as of late, she and the botanist hatched a plan for Larissa to gain some firsthand insight into your work and discomfort. After they had polished off half a bottle of wine the two teachers had bid each other good night and gone their seperate ways.

The next afternoon you came to the observatory as always to help Ms Thornhill water the plants and set up for the next day of classes. However, upon reaching the threshold you did a slight double take at the second figure in the room. A small girl who you had seen from time to time in the halls or the back of the classroom on occasion was sat in the front row. Odd as classes were over for the day. Ms Thornhill looked up and smiled.

“Hello Y/n. I see you’ve met my friend here.” She smiled and you nodded at her and then the girl.

“Hello.” You said to the girl. “Im sorry i don’t think i caught your name.” You said studying her.

She was short, long curly blond hair which boarded on brown with light streaks in it and nevermore uniform in perfect condition. Her eyes were blue as the sky and her cheeks round and pink. She never seemed to make eye contact and had small silver sleepers in each ear. She wore lace up black combat boots and, in her hair, she had a blue bandana to keep the curls from her eyes. She wasn’t much younger than you.

“This is Lucy. Shes one of my third years. I told her she could study here this afternoon so if she needed any help with the classwork, we could provide it. Lucys a bit behind on the work.” Marylin explained and you nodded and smiled at Lucy.

“You can call me Ms L/n.” You winked. “I’ll lend a hand if you need it.” You walked over and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Im nicer than Ms Thornhill.” You said with a joking smile and Marilyn rolled her eyes and the girl lifted a brow. “Alright.” You said clapping your hands, “the plant babies need me. Ms Thornhill here has been neglecting her parental duties again I see.” You said eyeing the plants which were looking a little sad. You shot her a look and Marilyn poked her tongue out at you making you gasp dramatically. “See what i have to put up with.” You said turning to Lucy and winking.

“Watering cans on the shelf Y/n, stop flirting and get to work.” She said with a grin. You blushed slightly and stood up straight to salute.

“Yes sir.” You said and went to grab the tools you needed. A good fifteen minutes passed, and both the student and teacher seemed to be scribbling notes while you busied yourself with the plants. With them both distracted you hovered a hand over the dragon's root and muttered some words under your breath. Warmth spread to your fingertips which glowed a soft purple and the plants leaves grew larger and healthier. You smiled and stroked the green tips of the new shoots your magic had made. Unaware of the shapeshifters eye on your back.

After deadheading some flowers and propagating some plants you were back to watering. You could feel the pain coming back and you had to bite down a groan. Why now? Why again now? You wondered and tried to subtly bring a hand to your throbbing shoulder.

Blue eyes followed your every move as you gently rubbed at your neck and left shoulder. Your head pounded and your mouth felt dry. You were beyond tired, and your shaking hands made it harder to control the flow of water as you split some on the desk. A slight pink hue took to your cheeks, and you closed your eyes to take a quiet steadying breath.

Lucy and Marilyn exchanged a silent conversation behind your back while you tried to ignore the pain.

“You’re free to go Y/n.” Ms Thornhill said, and you nodded and slowly left without a word.

The next day you were called into Larissas office. The pain from yesterday hadn’t left as you knocked on her huge oak doors.

“Come in.” A soft voice called from inside. You drew a shaky breath and entered.

Ms weems sat there in her natural poise of grace and charm. You smiled awkwardly and closed the door behind you, coming over and sitting down in the chair in front of her desk.

“Ms L/n, let’s take this to the couch why don’t we.” She said with a kind smile you nodded. Clutching your hands together to try and make the shaking less obvious. Your brow was slightly pinched as the light made your headache worse and you felt bone tired.

Ms Weems lips thinned as she took in your obviously pained state, eyes not missing a single detail on your face.

She stood and helped you up leading you with her hand on the small of your back to the couch where she sat beside you.

You stifled a yawn as she patted your knee gently.

“Ms L/n…Y/n. Can i call you Y/n?” She asked and you nodded through the fatigue. “Thank you. I can tell your exhausted darling. You’re obviously in pain. And i say this as a friend rather than your boss. What can i do to help you sweetheart?” She asked and you blinked at her owlishly before letting out a small huff of a laugh.

“I don’t think you can.” You sighed and massaged your temples with your fingers. You rested your head against the back of the couch and shut your eyes letting your hands fall to your sides.

“Oh Y/n.” Larissa said as she took in your state. “Talk to me darling.”

“I’m so tired.” You said not opening your eyes. “My head hurts, my neck hurts, my damn shoulders hurt. My hands won’t stop shaking and I’m so so tired. Im exhausted and all i do is sleep.” You said trying to keep the whine out of your voice.

“Oh sweetheart. Come here.” Larissa said as she pulled you in for a hug. You collapsed into her side and rested your head on her shoulder while she gave you a side hug. Your eyes, which had opened for a moment drifted shut again. You drew a deep breath of her expensive perfume and let your head stay nestled on her shoulder. After a moment you felt a hand start to rub at your neck and you let out a soft moan of content, your cheeks flushing.

Larissa smiled kindly. “It’s alright.” She said shushing you. “You’re in pain darling. It’s normal.” She said and you let yourself succumb slightly to the fatigue. “Rest darling.” She said and before you did you felt a blanket being draped over the both of you before her hands retuned to your neck. Kneading out the knots with just the right amount of pressure.

You felt warm and loved. Feeling sleepy and safe as you began to fall into the clutches of sleep you began to mumble to larissa.

“I thought you were scary, but your just momma bear.”

“Quite right darling. Now rest. I’ll be here when you wake up. I won't leave your side honey. Im right here and I’m going to help you feel better.” She said and you smiled as soft snores came from you, your breathing evening out nicely against Larissa’s side as she held you close.

[salternateunreality2]

Another Awkward Sefikura date idea, since @snowbanshee asked:

Cloud asks Sephiroth out:

Cloud practiced in Angeal's bathroom mirror with the pickup lines Zack gave him. He took deep breaths. Sephiroth and he hang out with the group; this is fine. They knew each other. Sephiroth (probably) wouldn't be offended. Just because he's Cloud's childhood idol and crush and only the hottest, most skilled warrior on the planet didn't mean he'd be an asshole to the lowly third that tags along.

This is fine. Cloud is fine. The worst he can say is no. Deep breaths. He was just outside on the balcony while Angeal was putting the finishing touches on dinner with Genesis (aka they make out in the kitchen) and Zack ran an errand. Cloud "fuck you" Strife could do this.

Cloud didn't hear the knock on the door over his "deep breathing" (panicked panting). He only saw it open a crack. He was in the middle of saying "I'm Cloud 'Fuck You' Strife, I can do this" with his whole chest. He thought it was Zack, and intended to calmly say "I'm ok, I can do this".

Instead, on a big exhale, he accidentally screamed, "I CAN FUCK YOU!"

To Sephiroth.

Who was coming to check on him.

Stunned, Sephiroth looked down at him.

"Um, ok," Sephiroth replied. "Do you...um, right now? I don't know, I never...but I'd like to...but dinner... I'm sorry, I am unprepared for this conversation."

Cloud fainted, bashing his head on the counter on the way down.

When he came to, he thought he had died and gone to heaven. Understandable, as his head was lying in Sephiroth's lap.

"Mmmmm... Sephangel? Can...can I kissh you now that I'm dead?" Cloud asked in a daze.

"No, I will not take advantage of an injured friend. You are not dead."

"That's hot," said Cloud, blinking slowly. "So respeshful."

"Yep, definitely a concussion," came Zack's voice, too loud. Cloud winced and shut his eyes, turning his face into Sephiroth's stomach. That made it hurt worse, but feel better, as he could sense Sephiroth's body heat. He sighed softly, tickling Sephiroth with his breath.

Sephiroth looked to his friends for help, pink coloring his cheeks.

"Hey Spike, you'll thank me later," Zack said. Cloud groaned. "What were you going to ask Sephiroth?"

"Wanna go on a date," mumbled Cloud. "Yer sho cool, Speh. Go onna date. W'me."

"Cloud, I would love to, but first, can I take you to medical?"

"Mmmnooooooo. Date."

"Ok, I'll take you on a date right now, downstairs. Can I pick you up?"

"Mmmmmm..."

Everyone but Cloud held their breath. Cloud was notorious for being difficult to treat medically. They could force him, but it would mean a fight.

".....mmmmm ok, date w'Seph." Cloud decided.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, and the pair headed off on their first date ever.

Highlights of the date:

* Cloud ordering Zack to go away, he had to "romance Sephiroth and your hedgehog assh is in the way".

* Sephiroth almost combusting on the spot as the medical staff overheard.

* Jello. It was Sephiroth's first taste of sweet jello. He thought it was the best thing ever at the moment, because it came from Cloud.

* Cloud trying to feed it to him, but feeding it to the wrong Sephiroth, since he had double vision.

* Sephiroth catching Cloud's vomit with a trash can in a move so beautiful, swift, and elegant, the nursing staff would sing its praises for ages.

* Cloud regaining his faculties and turning so red that the nursing staff immediately checked for a fever and worried over his heart rate, which had spiked.

* Sephiroth waiting until just after the staff left to ask if Cloud was serious about fucking him, causing the situation to repeat, and the staff to threaten to kick him out.

* Cloud only not fleeing the hospital because Sephiroth formally asked to hold his hand.

* Sephiroth asking if Cloud needed anything, and Cloud sarcastically saying "yeah to get the fuck outta here and go home with you", knowing from past experience that that was highly unlikely.

* Sephiroth taking him literally and moving heaven, earth, and Nurse Vaughn to free his chocobo, with promises to check in with the nurses every hour.

* Cloud kissing Sephiroth's cheek as Sephiroth carried him home. Good thing they were already at Sephiroth's door because Sephiroth.exe stopped working for a solid minute and a half.

* Cloud smiling quietly into Sephiroth's neck where he hid his head.

[queen-scribbles]

All the Stronger

Tragen and Jaesa reunion/confession fic, only five(?) years after Jedi Under Siege dropped. They saw Unmasked and wanted their own version. :P ----

There was something different about this building.

Tragen felt it the second he stepped inside. Not bad different, not wrong like it was a trap. It felt familiar and half forgotten, a connection trying to reestablish just on the edge of his senses.

He was so focused on trying to figure it out, Anri clocked the shadowy figure ahead first. Her rifle came up in the same moment the figure stepped forward, igniting her lightsaber. The yellow glow illuminated her face, the snap-hiss dragging his attention back.

And the pieces clicked into place.

"Jaesa."

There wasn't enough air in his lungs, in the room.

He felt her shock at his presence. The rush of their Force bond reestablishing its full strength was like getting hit by an open-throttle cargo loader.

"You... You're here." Her voice was quiet, stunned as he felt. Her lightsaber switched off, hanging limp. "How...?"

A sea of emotion churned between them, their bond surging with glimpses of what she'd been through; melancholy, grief, loss, brilliantly hot relief.

It was all he could do not to sweep her up in a hug and never let go. Tragen cleared his throat, turning to speak over his shoulder. "Major, could you give me a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," Anri muttered, casting a curious look at Jaesa. "It's your business. I'll just go look out for... other Jedi."

He studied Jaesa's face as the major took her leave. She looked almost, achingly, the same, save faint care lines and a haunted look in her deep brown eyes. Their years apart hadn't been kind to her, it seemed. It made the urge to hug her all the stronger. She was his friend, even aside from certain revelations he'd had.

Just because you thought you lost your chance is no excuse to overwhelm her. Tragen clasped his hands behind his back to restrain himself and follow her lead on this.

Jaesa waited until Anri was gone before looking at him, eyes brimming with emotion. "Where were you, Tragen?" she asked, voice thick and little more than a whisper in the empty quiet. "I couldn't feel you, you were just gone, like an aching hollow carved into my chest. Not dead, just nothing, and I-I... where were you?"

He couldn't do it. Couldn't leave her hurting. Tragen pulled her into a hug, holding her close and trying to keep his voice steady as she melted into him. "Carbonite," he said, an apologetic lilt to the word. "For five years."

Jaesa drew a shaky breath. "Are you alright?" She stepped back to look at him. "...No wonder you look the same."

So do you. Mostly. "I am, yes." His hands didn't want to slide off her arms, rebelled at losing contact, but he let them fall. "And what of you, Jaesa? What have you been doing?"

"Running," she said with a mirthless smile, words unsteady. "Hiding. Adrift after.. after losing you. And any other allies soon after, to the war if nothing else." Her gaze dropped. "I was deceived by a false light-leaning Sith and spent a year fleeing assassins and Sith agents."

"Jaesa..." Tragen shifted, one hand returning to her arm in comfort.

She shook her head. "It was my fault. I was so desperate for... help, for connection, I wasn't careful. And it was during that time running through the Outer Rim I heard of Master Gnost-Dural, so it worked out." She leaned into his touch, all the same.

"And that's how you ended up here?" he asked.

Jaesa nodded. "Master Gnost-Dural is fascinated by Sith history and philosophy; he wants to learn enough to strive for balance." Her lips curved in a weak, wry smile as she looked up at him. "I offered to trade what I knew from traveling with a Sith for sanctuary. He agreed. He even... offered to oversee my rejoining the Jedi Order."

Tragen arched a brow. "Is that what you want?"

"I thought I did," Jaesa said softly. She shrugged and hugged her arms close. "I didn't know where else to go. But if you're... back..." She exhaled a disbelieving laugh. "And this is far more ordinary than I ever imagined it to happen, by the way-"

It made something squeeze in Tragen's chest that she, too, had dwelt on such a miracle occurring.

"-I want to rejoin you, fight at your side again, even if it means fighting alongside Imperials as well--"

"It doesn't." Stars above, it was hard to keep his tone neutral, between elation at her return and triumph at his next words, but you never knew who was listening. "I am no longer Imperial."

Jaesa's gaze snapped to his face, her happiness for him rushing through their bond. She of all people knew what that meant to him. "No?"

Tragen shook his head. "No." A small smile slipped through; her joy was all the stronger and more infectious thanks to their separation. "I lead an Alliance, comprised of Force users and other specialists from Republic, Empire, and beyond, even. People who realized the freedom and safety of the galaxy is paramount over any other disputes."

Her eyes brightened even further, if possible. "So... you found a way to unite Jedi and Sith? You did it?" She took his hands and squeezed them. "If anyone could do it, it would be you."

"I appreciate the confidence," Tragen chuckled. He squeezed her hands back and forcibly tamped down the rest of what he wanted to say, spinning hot in his chest. Oh, I missed the way you light up when you smile, I missed you, I love you and feel like a fool it took a galactic war and seven years apart for me to realize-

"Of course," Jaesa said, snapping him out of his thoughts. "You've a gift for persuading people, Tragen." She squeezed his hand once more and let go. He instantly missed their warmth. (Was it her pounding heart or his own in his ears?) "I... I would like to see this Alliance of yours."

"Nothing would please me more." He couldn't hold back this smile, didn't even try. "Here." He withdrew a transponder code key from his belt. "Use this in whatever ship you take offworld. It has the coordinates and directly contacts my advisors so you can tell them you're en route."

"Are they going to know who I am...?" she prompted, arching a brow as she turned the key in her hands.

"Mm." He nodded. "Lana and Theron." Among others, but one of them--probably Theron--would be more closely monitoring this situation and most likely to answer.

"Ah," she smiled faintly. "Then I'll be on my way."

"I'll meet up with you when I'm done here," Tragen promised.

Jaesa bit her lip and nodded. "Nothing would please me more," she said playfully as she headed for the door. She paused. "Be careful, Tragen. And if... if you encounter Master Gnost-Dural, keep in mind I owe him my life."

He nodded. "I take your meaning." I have no intention of killing him or any other Jedi it can be avoided.

She flashed him a shy smile and ducked out. Anri rejoined him a moment later.

"All set, then?" she asked, looking back. "She an old friend?"

You could say that. "My former apprentice."

"Can't imagine you got all caught up that fast," Anri snorted, heading for the stairs tucked in a back corner of the room.

"We'll speak more later." He squared his shoulders. "For now, I have a mission to complete."

"Aye, aye. We'll be quick, then." The faint smirk tugging one corner of her mouth made Tragen wonder if he wasn't hiding things as well as he thought.

Well. He had until they finished here to hide it better. And decide what to say to Jaesa when they spoke.

---

All things considered, Ossus went about as well as it could; his cover was intact, there had been minimal damage to the Jedi colony, minimal loss of life on both sides, Gnost-Dural was alive, if captured.

And Jaesa was waiting on Odessen.

Truly the most--only--salient point, in his opinion.

Tragen's knee bounced almost the entire trip back, anxious to see her, to speak somewhere he could be honest, his thoughts still a tangle of how much and even if he should confess. But to be given a second chance after thinking them parted forever and squander it...

No, he had to tell her. He would choose his words with care, of course, but this was not something that would remain secret long. Whatever he did. Better to tell her.

He found her in the Force Enclave, staring with wonder at the place Sana-Rae and her students had carved out for themselves. She turned to him with a smile as she sensed his approach.

"This place is incredible!" she enthused, gesturing toward a Mirialan and a red-skinned zabrak studying the same text. "Jedi and Sith working together... it's almost surreal. Not to mention the rest of it. I hope you're properly proud of it."

Tragen chuckled at her gushing. "I am, but I hardly built it single-handed. Theron and Lana helped immeasurably, not to mention several others who were instrumental, and remain so in running it." He nodded to Sana-Rae, who caught the motion and nodded back with a smile. "Did you encounter Vette yet?"

Jaesa's eyes lit up even as she shook her head. "She's here?! I didn't see her."

"Plenty of time for that," Tragen said, taking a deep (preparatory) breath.

"I had somethin to talk to you about, "Jaesa blurted, beating him to the punch. "Does this massive base of yours have somewhere we can speak privately?" Despite her teasing smile, there was an urgency humming along their Force bond.

"Of course." He held out one hand toward the door, his other curving in the space behind her waist, though he didn't make contact. "This way."

Could she pick up his pounding heart through their bond? Tell what he wanted to say to her?

The walk from the Enclave to his private landing area wasn't a long one, but between their silence and the confession sitting on his tongue it seemed to take ages.

Jaesa chuckled softly softly when she saw the Dawn, the lettering on its hull altered to show its new name. "You really did leave it behind, didn't you?"

"As fast as I could," Tragen said with a wry smile. He might be masquerading as returned to the fold now, but he knew the truth. "You better than any know how... ill-suited I was to be Sith."

She nodded, trailing one hand along the walkway rail. "And on that note, thank you. For sparing Master Gnost-Dural. He may have been captured, but he lives, thanks to you."

"I... might be working on the captured part as well," he admitted, hands clasped behind his back. He'd slipped Theron some pertinent schedules and schematics. (If the rumors he'd heard held any truth, Theron was probably planning something anyway, and it wouldn't be the first time.)

"Of course you are," Jaesa smiled. "He was a good mentor, for the time I had him, and I am grateful for my time on Ossus." She took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "But I'm glad to be back. Working with you. I don't think I was ever meant to return to the Jedi Order. I've grown too much, learned too much. I wouldn't fit any better than you among the Sith." They meandered past the Dawn and into the hills that garrisoned the landing area, and Tragen let her continue. "To tell the truth, there were points I struggled with even before I met you, let alone got to know you. I chalked it up to joining the Order later in life, still needing time to embrace their precepts, but..."

When she was silent a moment, he let his curiosity nudge him into asking, "Which parts troubled you?"

She paused and leaned back against a boulder. "There is no emotion, there is peace. I can understand the rest of the Code, and even adhere to it, but that... especially with my power, it's difficult to reconcile with what I see, I suppose. And then from that you get the restrictions on... on relationships, on love." She ran her fingers through her hair, uncertainty writ large on her face and reverberating across their bond. "Logically, I can see the reasoning. Romance makes people fools, and a Jedi's life is sacrifice and you can't be so bound to someone you would save them as the cost of the galaxy, but... I've seen people in love who seemed stronger for it, and I've drawn strength from friendships."

"As have I," Tragen nodded. She had a point, he could tell, and just needed time to work up to it.

"I'm far from saying peace is a lie, but..." Jaesa gave him a pained smiled, eyes brimming with emotion. "What I felt when you walked into that building, back into my life, after all these years..." She exhaled a shaky breath.

One Tragen matched. His heart stuttered as the implication of her words fanned his wildest hopes into something a little less tenuous. The air was gone again.

"When you disappeared, I completely lost my center," she said, voice gone ragged and tears pooling in her eyes. "I didn't know what to do or where to go or how to keep the... the allies we'd gathered from scattering. I-I had to cut myself off from my power, or I would've never stopped searching for you, no matter how futile I knew it to be."

"Jaesa..." he breathed, stepping closer to rest a hand on her shoulder. It broke his heart to see how she'd suffered.

Jaesa pulled in a shuddering breath, pressing one hand to her chest. "It was so empty, Tragen. Hollow. Not having you on the other side of our bond. Like half of me was missing. And it still took a couple years to realize why."

"What are you saying?" Tragen asked softly.

"That I love you," she said just as softly, shifting her hand from her chest to his. "That I have for a while, even if... if I didn't make the connection until I lost ours. Lost you." She exhaled a shaky laugh, swiping at her eye with the heel of her free hand. "Maybe I'm just one of those fools..."

"Then I am as well," he murmured, resting his hand on her cheek, his thumb swiping away tears she'd missed.

She blinked up at him. "You...?"

"I love you, too, Jaesa," Tragen said, unable to stop the smile curving his lips and knowing she could sense how earnestly he meant it.

The words had barely left his mouth when Jaesa's hand went to the back of his neck to pull him down into a kiss. Tragen leaned into it eagerly, his hand falling from her shoulder to circle her waist, holding her close as she balanced on the balls of her feet. He could scarcely believe the galaxy had been so kind; not only had he reunited with one of his closest friends, the only one to have his full honesty, she shared his changed feelings.

He pulled back just enough for a breath and found her watching him with shining eyes. "Safe to assume you're as exhilarated by this development as I am?" he murmured, resting his forehead to hers.

(He knew the answer; their bond was such a frenzied tangle of emotion he couldn't pick out his joy from hers if his life depended on it.)

"Mm," Jaesa hummed. "I almost can't believe it's real. That it's not a dream. I feel like.." Her arms circled his neck to hold him close. "...like I'm home. Finally."

You are. From the way her grip tightened, she felt his thought. He kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry it took so long."

She shook her head. "What matters is we made it, not how long it took."

"So wise," Tragen chuckled, pressing his forehead to hers again, heart pounding. "I'm glad you're back in my life, Jaesa."

Jaesa grinned like they were sharing a secret. "Likewise," she murmured, sliding her hands forward to cup his jaw as she promised, "I'll always be here for you, whatever you need."

And he could sense how earnestly she meant it, the overwhelming joy and devotion and it made him a little dizzy with its strength. He tipped forward to kiss her, gentle, chaste, filled with joy at this resolution beyond his wildest dreams. They were together once more, with the bond between them all the stronger for being revitalized.

And Jaesa loved him back.

The thought was so incredible Tragen kissed her again, and she was smiling as she kissed him back.

Finally, I'm home. --- Reminder/for anyone unfamiliar with my son: Tragen's ship was the Empire Dawn during the class story, and he changed it to Celestial Dawn when he got it back in KotFE

[darkseraphscorner]

Kings Row  Seraph's Workshop.

Seraph was with Aura in the forge, teaching Aura the art of blacksmithing where the was the ring of a door bell and a voice called out. "Mister Seraph! I'm here for my lessons!"

Seraph swore. "Shit, I double booked, wait here a second Aura." He said as he stepped into the store, curiously Aura poked her head out to see what was going on.

Standing there in a grey shirt and skirt was a thick set woman with wall eyes and a mop of blond hair, chattering happily with Seraph, she spotted Aura and waved as Seraph sighed.

"Aura, this is Diana, my other apprentice, well, technically my government appointed side kick." He explained.

Aura frowned, she thought she was his apprentice.

Diana smiled. "See, mister Seraph has high security clearance, but isn't doing much with it, so the government hooked us up and now he is teaching me."

Aura's frown deepened, the feeling of certainty fleeing.

Seraph rubbed his head. "I must of screwed up and booked both your sessions for today."

"It's okay mister Seraph." Aura said weakly. "You can go train her.... I'll um.... Make nails for that Croatoa order."

He smiles. "I'll be back in a few hours, okay?"

As he leaves with Diana, Aura stepped back into the workshop and pulled out her phone, tapping in a number.

Boomtown.

Gir was holding a girder in place as her co worker Brad the demon used a rivit gun to join in when her phone went off. "You good Brad?" She asked as he nodded, letting go of the girder as the rivits took the weight and fished out her phone.

"Girtrude here, how can I help you?"

"It's Aura.... Can... Can you come home?" The Oni asked nervously.

Gir looked at her watch, then wave to Brad. "Got to clock off, hero stuff."

Brad chuckled. "Make sure to fill out the paper work." He called back.

Gir floated down and filled out her time slip, before rocketing off to King's Row.

King's Row  Seraph's Workshop.

Aura was slowly pounding out nails when she heard the door bell jingle and sighed in relief.

Gir made her way into the back and hugged the Oni, the shorter woman momentarily lifting Aura off the ground. "What's wrong big sis?"

Aura was not sure why Gir refered to her as sister... But it felt nice, a sense of belonging... Which she needed right now.

"Seraph has another apprentice." The Oni said weakly.

Gir gasped. "But he has you!"

Aura nodded. "This one was sent by the government."

Gir blinked. "Ohhhhh, sort of like Neph and Briar?"

Aura nodded.

Gir gave her another hug. "Well, she may be from the government, but he chose you, so that makes you special! Right?"

The Oni had not thought of it like that, smiling slightly. "Thank you... Lil sis." She says softly.

Gir pats her back. "There we go... How about we get lunch, I flew really fast to get here and am hungry as."

"But... I have to make nails...."

"Nails can wait, I'm sure dad will understand."

[thatsamolez]

I am waiting for something to go wrong I am waiting for familiar resolve I am waiting for another repeat Another diet fed by crippling defeat And I am waiting for that sense of relief I am waiting for you to flee the scene As if you held in your hand the smoking gun And on the floor lay the one you said you loved

[fieldofdaisiies]

Ars Amatoria | ch. XXII

-all rights reserved-

Elucien AU word count: 2,7k words warnings: none

masterlist

"Lucien?" Elain's head lifts a little, as she blinks her swollen eyes open. 

She feels a little groggy and confused as consciousness slowly seeps back into her. She blinks her eyes and things become clearer around her. The room is dimly lit, and there is faint smell of herbs in the air. The throbbing ache in her head reminds her that something bad has happened before everything went black. She wants to clear the fog from her mind and tries to shift a little on the bed, but a sharp pain erupts in her head and her right shoulder. 

All this pain disappears into nothingness, though, when she feels the soft brush of lips against her forehead, her husband's scent embracing her like a warm coat in winter. "I am here, Elain," Lucien assures her in a soft and tender voice, his hand grabbing hers firmly. "Don't worry, you are safe. We are home." 

The hand that is not holding hers brushes over her head —always careful of the wound—, through her tangled hair, some strands sticking together due to the blood. 

Elain tips her back a bit, glancing up at her husband. But he is blurry, her whole vision is blurry. 

She can't quite make out his beautiful face and so she lifts her hand, tentatively as her movements are weak, and brushes her finger tips over his jaw, then his cheek. 

"You are alright," she whispers and a small, weak smile graces her face. "You are not injured." 

Her head is resting in her husband's lap she then realises and slowly her sense start to sharpen and she starts to remember bits and pieces of what happened, piecing them together until the fog in her head clears. And so does her vision. 

She takes in her husband's bruised face that is adorned with small cuts and a split lip. She feels small cracks appear in her heart at seeing her Lucien like this. She brushes the tip of her index finger over the split in his lip, her own mouth pouting as she does so. And then more memories trickle into her brain and she lowers her hand, sniffing lightly. "Eris…is he…is he?" "He is alright." Her brother-in-law's voice sounds from somewhere in the room, low but steady, and it brings a small smile upon Elain's face. A kernel of relief blooms inside of her — the two brothers are safe and well. Her family is. But what about the others…

"Did anyone get injured severely? Is anyone—?" Her voice breaks and she can't continue, tears bubbling up in her eyes when more memories return to her — the metallic rasps when the swords were drawn, the shocked screams of the churchgoers, the clinking of knifes and swords that collided, the wails of those who got injured and those who tried to flee, the blood, the destruction, the—

"Mother is well and Azriel should be alright. There is a chance he will never be able to use his left hand again as they crushed it, but other than that…he should be fine. Four people died at the hand of the conspirators, but they could be stopped before more harm was done."

Lucien watches how Eris' head is hanging low, his forearms braced on his elbows, as he stares at the ground. Pain and disappointment, and frustration radiates from every fibre of his body, and stretches out like a dark cloud. 

What happened here today, in Florence, and to the people of this city, was one of the worst tragedies  that could come over people. Not knowing if you can escape, if you will die, if you will lose your children at the hand of an assassin. 

Elain's throat feels dry, the back of her mouth aching a little and her eyes close for a moment as exhaustion washes over her. Or is it pain? Whatever it is, it makes her lids feel heavy and her whole being a little drowsy. "And what…what happened to—?" she whispers through barely parted lips, not being able to finish her sentence.

"Hybern?" Lucien asks, his voice cautious. He waits for an answer of his wife and it follows soon, with a barely-there dip of her chin. 

"He was hanged from the Palazzo della Signoria, just like his companions, his conspirators." 

The words taste like bile in Lucien's mouth and he finds it hard to speak them. But he knows that the pain Eris even more. Taking measures like this is never easy and Lucien knows that this decision will haunt his older brother forever. 

Eris cringes a little and slowly gets up from his chair. "I will…I will check on Azriel if that is alright?" he asks, not being able to listen to how Lucien now will explain everything to Elain. He can't hear it right now, can't have the happenings repeated. He needs a moment. A moment alone. A moment with Azriel, as Azriel is the only person that manages to fully calm him, to make him feel at ease.

"It is fine," Lucien answers his brother, and tips his head. "Take your time." 

Eris walks up to him and clasps his shoulder, no more conversation passing between them. But no more words are needed, everything is said through their eyes. Thank you. Thank you for being my brother. Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for supporting me. I am always here for you. 

Lucien waits until the door falls shut and Eris is gone. "They have all been taken care off. No need to worry anymore." 

"Everyone?" Elain asks with a trembling voice, everything coiling inside of her. She blinks her eyes rapidly and Lucien nods his head, his eyes closing. "Yes."

"But Briar?" Elain asks, her voice almost like a shriek, as she jerks up and cringes at the sudden pain. Lucien brushes his hand over head again, slowly and soothingly and opens his eyes. "Exile, my love. Don't worry, she did not have to pay with her life."

"She probably did not know!" Elain supports Briar and deep inside his heart Lucien thinks so as well, but they couldn't risk it and exile is still so much better than death. 

They can start a new life, and neither Tamlin nor Briar is alone, they still have each other and they will manage to survive and maybe one day live a good life again. 

Elain becomes Lucien's anchor in the aftermath of the tragic day, and being with her is all he needs in this moment. 

He knows that Eris is feeling exactly the same, he after all is his brother, and so it only makes sense that he went out to see Azriel, to check on him. Lucien's feels exhausted, so do his bones and his whole body. Today has been a lot, a lot they have not been prepared for. They could have been prepared for it, but none of them expected that the Hybern family would act so quickly. 

Elain and Lucien hold hands, finding comfort in their familiar touch. Each little squeeze, each brush of Lucien's other hand over her head, speaks volumes, conveying the words the can't speak at the moment. 

Both are too tired, too worn, to talk. But they don't need to speak to communicate.

 I am here for you. I got you. You are safe. It is all there in their touches. And it is not only their touches, Lucien and Elain keep eye-contact, despite the heaviness of their lids and the exhaustion that settles over them. The room and world around them disappears into nothingness, in this moment it is just the two of them, just Elain and Lucien. 

"I was so worried," Lucien breathes. "When I saw you lying there. I thought the worst. And I thought—" His throat bobs as he swallows thickly. "I thought that if you don't make it out alive, I don't want to live on." 

Elain's lips part and she lowers both her hands to the mattress, pushing herself up despite the pain in her shoulder and head. Lucien wants to stop her, but she does not let him, until she sits in front of him, so she can face him, her legs crossed beneath her. 

"Lucien," she breathes, his eyes locked with his. "Don't say something like this." "You are my life, Elain Vanserra. Believe it or not, but a life without you is not worth living. I don't want to be alive if I no longer have you in it. You have my soul to keep, my heart is all yours as well, and you blessed me with the best gift that I have ever known." 

Tears tumble down Lucien's cheeks, his chest heaving and his shoulders shaking with silent sobs as he lays his heart bare for Elain. "You gave me purpose. You gave my life purpose. Before you…I only lived day by day. Now I am living for a future with you. For a family with you. To see you smile, to make you happy. And you make me happy, with simple being in my life. I love you, Elain, more than words can describe." 

He sniffs and Elain's whole body is trembling, she is shaking as she is crying due to his words. "With you my journey came to an end and I was no longer lost. I am in the here and now with you." He grins through his tears as he pulls his wife to him, his arms curling around her. Elain also lifts her arms and despite the pain in her shoulder, wraps them around Lucien's shoulders as she slides onto his lap. 

She lets out a loud exhale, her breath trembling with her sobs. She buries her face into Lucien's shoulder, her chest rising and falling with her cries. The tears flow freely, rolling down her cheeks as she lets all her emotions break free. She is wetting Lucien's shirt, but she can't stop the tears, not after what he said. 

Lucien holds her close, his embrace bringing her solace and showing her his unconditional love. She knows, deep in her heart, that he is the best thing that has ever happened to her. 

Her husband. Her other half. Her Lucien.

Her words are choked when she finally finds her voice. "I love you so much. To the moon and back and even further. And you are were so wrong, Lucien." She turns a little and kisses the side of his neck. 

"You are so damn good with words. So much better than I am." Elain giggles lightly through her tears and feels how Lucien's chest rumbles against hers, as he grabs her tighter and pulls her even closer. 

"I will never forgive myself for leaving you in our wedding night—" His voice quivers, trailing off as he struggles to find the strength to continue.

But Elain cuts him off, his self-blame not necessary. She knows he is remorseful about it, but she has long forgiven him, knowing his reasons for it. "It is forgotten, Lucien. And I forgave you long ago." 

Her words heal some part of his soul, reminding him of her good and kind heart and her forgiveness.  

He feels her lips press against the side of his neck, her touch tender and caring. He feels the wetness of her tears on his skin and holds her as tightly as possible. 

✢ ✢ ✢

"Thought after the tragedy yesterday, you could need a little light in your life," Jurian says as he sheepishly smiles at Elain and Lucien, both of them still in bed, Elain still recovering from her attack, her wounds slowly healing after Madja put some medication on them. 

Elain waits patiently, having an inkling of what the rectangle hidden beneath the large sheet could be. 

"Instead of finishing Mars and Venus, I allowed myself to continue with the drawing of just you." Elain's eyes widen, her lips parting a little. Lucien leans forward, his interest piqued at what Jurian is aiming at. "Ready?" Jurian asks, grinning from one ear to the other as both him and Vassa take one corner of the sheet into their hands. 

"Always." Lucien raises his brows, eyes aglow as anticipation fills every fibre of his body. It is a spark of light inside of him during the rather gloomy time. 

Jurian counts down and then they lift the sheet, revealing a stunning picture of Elain beneath it. "I call this the Birth of Venus. And I know…I said I will only finish it later, but using the sketches I had, I could do it earlier." 

If it is possible, Jurian's grin intensifies even more, and so does Vassa's. She looks at her lover in pure admiration, pride lacing her features at the masterpiece he created. 

"Jurian, you truly are the only one that can capture my wife's beauty." 

Almost like driven by some external force, Lucien gets up from the bed and walks up to the painting, his eyes wide open, just like his mouth, as he traces his index finger over the painting. "So stunning." "Just like your wife is in real life." Vassa grins from one ear to the other as she winks at Elain. 

The middle Archeron sister is blushing furiously and giggles from where she is still seated on the bed. 

"That, Vassa, is very true. I am just the luckiest man alive." Beaming, Lucien turns to his wife, his eyes sparkling with love and admiration as he whispers a silent "I love you."

~~~~~~~~~~ taglist AA: @octobers-veryown @velidewrites @areyoudreaminof @acourtofthought @liftyourhipsformelovex @hallway5 @stickyelectrons @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @bibliophiliaxvignette @thelovelymadone @sunshinebingo @arabellatheauthor @autumndreaming7 @nestas-workwife @rarephloxes  @tuzna-pesma-snova general el. taglist: @rippahwrites @shadowhunter2003 @my-inner-crisis @ladyelain @acourtofthought @itwasalwaysaboutthetea @multifictional  @moonlightazriel @aayo-whatt @brekkershadowsinger @sunshinebingo @gracie-rosee @a-frog-with-a-laptop

[cellody]

DWC: Day VII

LOVER & AFTERMATH @daily-writing-challenge​ MENTIONS: The Elements

Fire wore Lance down as if he had been the one on stage sweating through his awful choice of rare, all-black layers with no exposed skin able to breath in what air was available for cooling. Even his face—the only uncovered area besides his fingers—had to consistently be fanned; not only had the room been understandably warm per the theme and its popularity packing in the most bodies, but what he knew was going on outside of the gallery forced a permanent redness to burn all across his cheeks that made the hot flash that much more visible. He was beyond grateful to have rushed past, happier still to have studied all the saucy, thought-provoking artwork, and elated to have this bravery tucked into the nonexistent arsenal of his mind, but what was the most indescribable was the rush of relief that nearly left him dizzy when finally under the night sky of Dalaran.

The aftermath of the event had him wanting for bed like never before.

Once the two portals and multitude of stairs were traversed in order to make it home, Lance unlocked the front door to Taldormu’s—well, their—Valdrakken abode where his shoulders finally went lax and sighs escaped from weary lungs. The dracthyr leader wheeled around from where he’d been looking over a map and rushed to greet him with golden eyes wide and white, fanged teeth showcased in a hope-bearing grin. “You are back! How was it? Is all well...?” He could not keep from asking, after all; his treasured lover looked so worn out.

Thankfully, Lance returned that smile. “I’m so tired.” Tal chose to then morph from scales to skin when donning his shorter (albeit still plenty tall when compared to the goat), softer visage form clad in cloth and leathers worn under the usual armor. No such plate was kept on when off the training field, though. This was graciously and wordlessly given thanks when the younger plopped against that favored chest, arms loosely linked around hips in the same way his eyelids grew heavy. “But it was worth it. I... am glad I went at your insistence—I truly am.”

Such truth helped Tal to flex into a much tighter embrace. “Good. Good, good.” This was said with the same fluctuation ‘thank the gods’ would have been. Just because he’d urged Lance to attend didn’t mean he had confidence the artist would actually enjoy himself. “You were out quite a while. I’d begun to grow nervous.”

He would have looked up at the other had he not instead allowed his sights to close. Fatigue enraptured him quickly. “I took so much time appreciating all of her art that even the guards began to think me a bit strange. If I’d had any plus one, they’d have gotten bored of waiting for me in an instant.”

“Nonsense. I enjoy every moment with you.” Lance, of course, hummed with some amusement at this the way he always did; Tal would never relent from his adoring promises. “But my company would have been too much of a barrier from your need to blossom.”

“You were also working.” Then a green gaze flit upwards. “And, um...” His expression twisted so comically in wonder over how to word his thoughts that even Tal chuffed once. “I-I started overheating towards the end.”

He couldn’t possibly explain that people were outright showcasing coitus on stage when he himself yet struggled to come to terms with that imagery. That... feeling. Though no part of him had at any point been aroused, he understood the tension. Besides... he’d only seen such mingling for about three seconds before awkwardly fleeing. No sense in making the evoker fretfully gawk (though he’d have loved to see what reaction it’d bear).

Tal simply grunted. “I take it a warm bath is out of the question, then. Shall I fetch you a glass of something cold?”

Lips pursed and postures leaned away to begin the process of untangling from one another. “...A glass of something cold and a warm bath,” he corrected.

They’d not stay apart for long.

[subqtaneoussmut]

The Tea Girl's Gambit, Chapter Twenty Three

[[[CW: internalized transphobia/misogyny. I know everyone has probably been looking forward to this chapter for a while (at least I know I have) but as I am going over it in preparation for posting, I’m realizing that I wrote it kind of intense? Just be aware that there’s a chance it could be pretty activating, towards the end, and maybe set up some aftercare for yourself, even if it’s just a cup of tea or a pillow to hug. <3]]]

It was that noble who had grabbed me across the stockroom counter, and that dark-eyed girl from the courtyard.

I was immediately delirious with terror. They’d dowsed and recognized me. They knew I was kuffa. I was trapped in a dead-end—nowhere to flee. My cover was blown on my first day. Aralia wouldn’t help me—she would be too incredulous that I had been caught this quickly. There was no way she would be willing to forge another legend for me.

They were still conferring quietly with each other. Then the smaller, dark-eyed girl took a careful step towards me, palms turned up and open—was she going to grab me?

I dropped the mop with a clatter, and stepped back as she came forward, my hands trembling. The tall redhead kept scanning the far end of the corridor, as if keeping watch.

The dark-eyed girl was focused on me. “Listen, we just want to—”

I bolted past her. I was good at running away, good at wriggling away from seizing hands, good at not being caught. I juked away from the redhead, and I was almost—

“Roxa!” snapped the first girl, and then I smelled sorcery.

I had time to belatedly remember the last time this noble had used her art on me, before I was yanked backwards and upwards, and suspended an inch or two above the floor.

I squeaked as dark bands blossomed from the air around me. Quick as a whip, they wrapped themselves around my thighs and ankles, and looped themselves around my wrists, which were abruptly pulled behind me and cinched together. More of them quickly wound around the lower half of my face, muffling my mouth.

The noble finished muttering under her breath. As I made a reflexive attempt to wriggle and twist my way free, she flashed me the grin of a fox eating cake. “Gotcha. No more running from you, little rabbit.”

Her tone was...friendly? This didn’t make any sense. Then I realized that I wasn’t just suspended in the air—I seemed to be moving? The noble was drawing me back into the room the two girls had just left. I was floating where she directed me, unable to resist. I sagged limply as the helplessness of my situation became apparent. I was well and truly caught. There was nothing I could do. I heard the door close behind me and the voice of the first girl.

“Roxa! Is this completely necessary?”

In front of me, Roxa shrugged and grinned. “You wanted to talk to her. And for some reason I don’t think she hates it.”

The noble winked at me and my cheeks flamed. I mumbled a protest through my gag. It was true—a part of me couldn’t help but revel in this feeling of being helplessly suspended. It was actually quite delicious? I groaned. How had this complete stranger seen through me that easily? Besides, there was no reason to find anything about this situation hot. Why was I like this?

Roxa drew me to a comfy-looking couch and then tipped me onto it so I was sitting upright, though still completely bound. The other girl joined her so that they were both standing in front of me.

“Now then,” said Roxa matter of factly, “I’d like to ungag you, but you must promise to be well behaved and not raise a ruckus. We aren’t going to hurt you. Understood?”

I nodded slowly. Roxa crooked her finger and the bands of sorcery slid silkily away from my mouth. I sat and looked from one to the other with wide eyes, waiting.

The first girl sighed. “I’m sorry about that, but the corridor is too dangerous a place to talk plainly in. My name is Mila and this is Roxa. Now, then. What’s your—what would you like us to call you?”

“Um.” A melting of relief began to happen inside me. “Ellie.”

“Okay, Ellie.” Mila exchanged a glance with Roxa. “Firstly, understand this: neither of us would ever willingly turn you in or let harm come to you. In fact, we’d like to help you.”

“Help me?” I spluttered. “W-why should I trust you? Why are you even doing this?”

Roxa crossed her arms. “Sorry, Ellie, but you’re not in a position to get full and honest answers from us, just yet. We have the edge on you, and you don’t have anything on us. So we’ll be the ones asking questions, at least for right now.”

I was suddenly acutely aware of my wrists, bound behind me. I felt my face heat up.

“Ellie, we do need to know how you got here,” Mila sat next to me, quite close. I squirmed around to face her. “How you became a maid at Stormcroft, and whether anyone helped you, and whether you are beholden to them. We have...enemies, here, you see. We also need to know if you’ve kept silent about that business between you and Roxa at the stockroom.”

I made a snap decision before she had even finished speaking. I couldn’t hesitate. This was too close to how Aralia had caught me lying.

“I bought a maid’s commission,” I blurted. My face burned deep red. Something about saying that out loud had flooded me with instant shame. I looked at the floor miserably. Now that the words were out of my mouth, I felt like an imposter, like a child caught playing dress-up—but this was so much worse than when I had been caught trying on Kisma’s clothes, as a kid. “From the bursar. I said it was for my sister,” I muttered.

These older girls must think me a fake, a counterfeit, a sad and desperate joke. Wrenching loneliness clawed at my heart. They were both actual, real girls that belonged in this House whereas—what was I?

“I used your, um, money,” I winced. My insides felt like they were plummeting down, like they would drop forever without hitting bottom. “For the bribe.” I hesitated. “I was alone.”

There. I had lied, and also told the truth. I felt painfully exposed. All I wanted now was to disappear. My throat was tight and aching, my breathing shallow. My whole face felt fragile, like it might crumble at any moment. I couldn’t look at either of them. There was a brief silence. My heart kept sinking, in endless free fall.

“I-I’m sorry,” I added in my smallest voice, not even sure what I meant, but feeling more wretched than I could bear.

Mila squeezed my leg. “Ellie, listen, I—you’re not alone, not any more, okay?” Her voice had an odd inflection to it. “It took so much courage and brilliance and love to do what you did. I-I’m honestly so impressed.”

With a massive effort, I raised my gaze to meet hers, and trembled as the deep forest pools of her eyes caught my plunging descent. A sensation like warm, rippling honey spread inside me and melted the constriction in my ribcage. I drew a deep, full breath and sighed, clinging to her eye contact as if it were a lifeline.

Mila didn’t look away, for which I was ridiculously grateful. “Let her go, Roxa.”

The rest of my restraints slackened and fell away, just as I processed that ‘her’ meant me.

Mila’s simple acknowledgment of my femininity—even with all my desperate, shamefaced lunges towards girlhood laid bare before her—landed in my upper chest and reverberated and then I couldn’t see her anymore. My vision blurred and I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. It was like feeling a landslide happen inside of me—I couldn’t hold my face together, it caved open, and everything spilled out.

“Ellie—oh, can I hug you?”

I nodded shakily, and then her arms were around me. My face fit snugly into the hollow of her shoulder. I shuddered with sobs that went on and on, storming through me like waves of rain.

“The strength of your spirit is beautiful,” she murmured fiercely. “Never doubt what you did, do you hear me? You were just ensuring your own survival.”

The aching stuckness in my throat was melting like a chunk of ice in spring. I kept trying to apologize—for soaking her shirt, or for breaking down like this, or maybe some other reason—but Mila kept hushing me and I couldn’t hold any of it in anyways.

The grief that had welled up so ceaseless and overwhelming gradually slackened, and I was overtaken by trembling. With a soft, wordless noise, Mila drew back and I curled shyly into the cushions. She offered me a blanket, which I gratefully huddled into. I felt raw, and empty, wrung out.

I heard a kettle fussing, and looked over to see Roxa pouring mugs of tea. She passed one to Mila, who accepted it with a murmur of thanks, then came over and knelt down in front of me and did the same. I took it gingerly.

“T-thank you,” I whispered tremulously. Roxa intimidated me, in several ways. She was extremely attractive, for one. For another, the electric tingle of her grabbing my neck and snarling in my face, and the melty way I’d responded to it, loomed large in my memory.

Also, she had just seen me as rawly exposed as anyone had, ever. I found the combination of all these associations…confusing.

Mila sighed. “Ellie, I know you two have met before, but please let me introduce Roxa again. She’s really fierce and protective of her friends. She’s had my back all the way and I trust her with my life.”

As Mila spoke, I saw Roxa look at her with mingled awe and wonder and gratitude.

“Hi,” I said nervously.

Roxa’s mouth crooked. “Hi, Ellie. I’m sorry to have to ask this, especially right now, but does anyone else know you’re a girl?”

The same melting relief in my breast. I took a slightly deeper breath. Roxa, too, was signaling that she saw me as I was trying to be seen. Neither of these girls seemed to think I was a monstrous degenerate or a desperate, fake imposter.

But—this was again veering too close to when Aralia had seen right through me. I knew I probably couldn’t lie successfully. Perhaps holding back part of the truth was safer.

“Yes,” I said hesitantly. “Someone does. My old roommate in Oakridge.”

Roxa frowned. “Did he hold that over your head? To compel you?”

I blushed. “No, I mean—well—we were, um—I, not exactly,” I stammered.

Roxa’s mouth quirked up at the corners. “I see.”

“He was...fucking me,” I blurted, cheeks hot. “It wasn’t blackmail, I was—I wanted it, but I. Decided to—” I looked down at my steaming mug. “To hide myself. After that. Well,” I added hurriedly, “Not right away. It took a while to go through with. But I-I haven’t told anyone about the stockroom. I promise.” I looked back and forth between them, willing them to believe me.

Roxa and Mila looked at each other, but I missed what passed between them. They both turned back to me. Mila squeezed my leg and Roxa nodded. Did that…mean they believed me? I felt tentative relief, along with a twinge of guilt.

They hadn’t hurt me, they didn’t seem to be taking advantage of me, and they were being indisputably kind to me. Not to mention I held them both in no small amount of awe. Lying to them, even by omission, was already making me feel uneasy. But there had been no time to think about it…

A bell began to toll. I tensed. I’d completely forgotten about mopping.

“Well, I am late to a session with my very cute sorcery practice buddy,” Roxa said, standing.

I cast a look back at the door. “I’m supposed to be cleaning?”

“No,” Mila said firmly. “You will rest for at least the time it takes to drink a cup of tea.”

The insistence in her voice reached right into my sternum and plucked a chord that reverberated, warm and glowing. I sighed and sank back down obediently. How easily these two near strangers had elicited an easing response in my body, in just the past few minutes…

I felt like a cat leaning into a stroking hand. I felt…safe?

I yawned. Yes, I would just finish this tea, and then get back to mopping…

~ ~ ~

I took another sip of the tea, and blinked drowsily. This room was so cute and cozy…

Mila came around the couch and I glanced up guiltily. Had I overstayed my welcome?

“How are you feeling?”

“Better,” I said shyly. “Thank you.”

“I’m just glad you’re safe, Ellie.” She sat down next to me, and hesitated. “Look, I don’t want to compel you, but I need your silence, and I need to know that you understand what that means.”

I nodded quickly. “I won’t mention you to anyone, or even let slip that we’ve met.”

Mila’s beautiful, dark eyes, watching me.

“Or Roxa,” I added hurriedly.

“It’s also very important that you aren’t seen coming and going from our room.”

My heart sank. I had been hoping that Mila would want me to visit again.

“For your own protection. Our enemies might target you if they think we have a connection.” Mila frowned. “I’ll have to tell you more about that soon, and we can assess risk and talk about silence more clearly then. But for now, keep this all entirely secret.”

“I will, I promise.” I looked down. “And I’ll stay away from this hallway.”

Mila snorted. “I said don’t be seen, not that I don’t want you to come back.”

A pleasant flash of heat shivered through me. She wanted me to come back? I looked up hopefully, and she raised her eyebrows. “If you want to. You seem to have tucked yourself away quite safely here, and being friends with us is risky. Maybe more risky than the protection we can offer is worth.”

“I want to be friends,” I blurted. “With you.” My cheeks heated.

Mila smiled. “Good. I want you come back tomorrow. Whenever you can spare at least an hour—and don’t worry about waking us, if it’s late. If we don’t hear from you, I’ll assume something has gone awry and I’ll have Roxa dowse you.”

“Okay,” I acquiesced, a little breathily. I was beginning to suspect that I liked being told what to do by pretty girls.

Mila’s eyes lingered on me. “Roxa was right about you, huh?”

I looked back at her, puzzled for a moment. What had Roxa said about me? My mind flashed back to when she’d first floated me in, all trussed up. For some reason I don’t think she hates it.My eyes widened and I blushed furiously, hyper-aware of the warmth pulsing between my thighs. I felt like a deer caught abruptly out in the open.

The corner of Mila’s mouth curved. “The other thing I want is a few of those black dresses and aprons and headscarves. And make sure at least one of them is tall enough for Roxa, got it?”

I nodded softly. There was a melty heat draped over all my thinking. Was she bossing me around a little? If so, it felt…way too good.

Mila reached out and patted me on the head a few times. I felt my pussy clench at her touch. “If you do well, I’ll give you some more orders to follow.”

I stared at her, open-mouthed, my face burning. She grinned back cheekily.

“’kay,” I choked. I twitched a little as heat lightning sheeted along my inner thighs.

“Do you like this, Ellie?” Mila said softly.

“Y-yess,” I whispered. If my face got any hotter, I was sure I would faint.

“Good, because I like it too.” Mila smirked and a tiny pant escaped me. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

A warm glow was suffusing my insides. I stared into the dark pools of her eyes, my lips slightly parted, feeling entranced. This was sooo nice.

“In fact, I’m sure I could tease you all day and never get bored. You look so pretty with your face all red like this.”

A wave of lusty euphoria pulsed through me. Mila watched it happen—I could see her watch it unfurl through my eyes. It was the safest, hottest, most intimate thing I’d ever experienced. I shook involuntarily and Mila’s lips curved a little more.

“Say thank you,” she said softly.

I squeezed my legs together. “Thank you,” I choked.

Mila grinned. “Good girl.”

I exhaled tremulously, unable to look away from her open, clear, dark gaze. How did she know? It was like she could read me better than I could, as if she knew exactly what to say and how.

Mila winked at me and stood. “Well, I need to study and you’ve got to clean, so.” She stretched. “Take all the time you need to finish your tea, though. Come back tomorrow, all right?”

I nodded and hurriedly slurped my cold tea, trying to blink away the melty daze overlaying my mind. I thanked Mila again, blushing furiously, and then stumbled out into the corridor.

~ ~ ~

Curled on the cot in my little stone cell, I stared at the low ceiling, feeling well-fed and sleepy. Jaques had beckoned me into the crowded office at shift change, and charged me with filling bowls of stew from a cart and pouring cups of strong, sweet, milky tea for everyone as staff bustled around, chatting, laughing and clocking in and out. And though I’d been wide-eyed and sweaty-palmed at first, I had done it—I had passed again, and also cemented my reputation as the shy new girl.

Roz had tried to engage me in conversation but quickly found me too quiet for her tastes and lost interest. I’d finally relaxed when it was clear that the old-timers had started talking over my head. I was used to being invisible, to having attention slide off me.

I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed. I had landed safely, and the ground beneath my feet even felt somewhat stable. Most importantly, I got to be a girl. Aralia had come through for me in a big way. Another buoyant rush of euphoria filled me. I was so lucky.

And I had met Mila, and Roxa…

A strange mix of emotions swirled inside me. There were...how many people, now, who held this power over me? It was getting more than slightly worrisome. Only a few weeks ago, I had been vulnerable to no one—not like this, at least.

Of course, a few weeks ago, I had also been far more alone.

I sighed happily, thinking of Mila’s warm, dark, clear gaze, locked on mine. It was admittedly hard to muster any wariness towards her. The unsolicited friendship she had offered me still glowed softly inside me, like a powerful charm.

And she had called me pretty. That was another glowing ember lodged inside me, one that I’d taken out over and over today to marvel at. I couldn’t stop thinking about the utterly delicious and euphoric way she had teased me.

I felt so bolstered by Mila, but a seed of guilt starting to grow in me for lying to her. Had it been a mistake for me to omit any mention of Aralia? What if Mila found out? Would she be disgusted with me? I bit my lip.

Should I have risked everything, and revealed Aralia’s hold over me? I suddenly thought of Aralia, making me swear to keep her involvement secret. I wondered what she might do to me, if I hadn’t and then she found out. I was suddenly relieved my lie about acting alone seemed to have passed scrutiny.

No, I had to remember the bones of the situation. Aralia, and now Mila and Roxa too, held all the cards. All of them could do whatever they wanted to me without repercussion. The only protection I had from them lay in the fact that they didn’t seem to know about each other. Yet.

If this apparently stable ground beneath me abruptly collapsed, I might still have some leverage—so long as I could turn to one secret ally if the other threatened to betray me.

At least for now, I had to keep them in the dark about each other. Even though Mila had been so unexpectedly kind, I still didn’t know almost anything about her. Wouldn’t it be hopelessly naive of me to trust her so quickly?

And yet, what reason would Roxa and Mila have for hiding their intention from me, if they meant to use me for their own ends? They didn’t need to be kind to me, not with how much power they held over me.

What would they do, if they knew Aralia had such a strong hold over me? I shivered. Even if they were grateful to me for being honest, surely they would distance themselves from me. I was too compromised to be worth the risk. And if I didn’t tell them and they found out later? Same result.

My heart sank. What could I do?

The idea of Mila’s friendship abruptly evaporating—I swallowed, my throat aching with alarmed aloneness. I desperately didn’t want to drive her away, but the tangle of promises I had started making in order to survive was already tightening into a trap.

I was already feeling caught up by contradictions. If two loyalties conflicted, how was I supposed to know which one to honor and which one to break? Would I simply choose whichever side seemed most likely to save my skin?

The mystery of Aralia was that all the power she held over me depended on her willingness to betray me, and she had gone out of her way to assure me that she wouldn’t. Her leverage over me was effectively null if she was unwilling to turn me in. Still, I was reluctant to defy her. If there was even a slight chance that she could protect me if I were discovered, I had to keep her as an ally. And I did feel genuinely grateful to her for helping me.

I chewed my lip. The kindness that Mila had shown me also felt precious, like something I wanted to defend and protect. But was I willing to throw away all that Aralia could do for me, just to keep my promise to Mila? That seemed a little dramatic—what did Mila even have to worry about, compared to me? It was just too soon to know anything...

I drifted asleep with the memory of her dark-warm gaze catching me, again and again.

[dr-acula121]

Naturae Ferox Chapter 5

Summary:

Caught up in the manipulation and seduction of a certain vampire, Fen struggles with her own sense of control and autonomy, all whilst struggling to hide her own secrets.

A druid without connection. A Chosen without faith. Rage without control.

Pairing: Astarion x Female OC

Warnings: 18+ Graphic depictions of violence, Non-con, Slavery, Smut, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers

18+ only

Fen recognised the remains of the caravan almost immediately.

The symbol of the Black Network was carved inconspicuously into the mudguard of the wrecked wagon.

That knot in her stomach returned as the more noble members of the party suggested they look for survivors to the North.

Astarion naturally had rolled his eyes at the suggestion of helping others, which for once Fen was welcome for, but had quickly changed his tune at the mention of potential loot.

She had remembered a wagon very similar to this, trailing behind her own on her way to Baldur's Gate just before the ilithid kidnapping. They had broken off several days before at a rest stop on their way from the Calim Desert. Fen dreaded to think of the "loot" that they would find, or the souls who had been kept captive.

The gnolls themselves were a formidable enemy. They had a smell which Fen could only describe as being a mix between viscera and wet dog. Astarion himself had gagged after sinking his teeth into one such creature.

Feeling particularly filled with newfound confidence, she had felt the buzz of the earth as she shaped the ground beneath the Flind into hard piercing spikes, holding it in place ready for the blow of Karlach's axe.

Gale gave a cheer as she threw an ice knife through the chest of a gnoll he had immobilised with a "hold" spell.

There was a small sense of relief in the blood shed as she realised that yes, she still had it in her.

The men themselves in the cave were of little help, choosing to cower in the shadows instead of fight.

"This whole journey's been just one grim sight after another. Gnolls, goblins, mind-flayers- " The younger man, who they had learned was called Olly, moaned.

"Sorry, did you say mind-flayers?" Shadowheart asked. Fen was now finding anything to look busy away from the group. She had searched the same gnoll several feet away for things to sell twice now. She hoped no one had noticed.

"Yes, we're bound for Baldur's Gate, but we’ve not had nothing but trouble since we left Manshaka." The younger man grumbled. Fen felt Astarion's burning gaze on her, but she didn't look up from the weapon she was closely examining.

"One of the wagons in our caravan broke off from the convoy in Nashkel to make better time but was attacked on the Sword Coast Road."

Fen remembered that night clearly, it had been raining. Lightning had struck a nearby pine tree, causing it to crash into the road in front of them as they were fleeing, barely missing the horses. They had no chance. They were cornered.

"Were there survivors?" Wyll asked.

"No, just corpses by the time we got there."

Good

Fen wondered whether she could wild-shape into a dormouse and just hide in one of her companion's bags. Perhaps not Gales - he made an active effort to pocket any book he come across and she would surely be crushed. Or maybe she could take one of the groups newfound potions and disappear into thin air.

The older man, Rugan, shot a cautioning look to Olly, "Well thank you again. We'll find help at Waukeen's Rest just up the way…"

"I don't remember you saying thank you the first time, " Shadowheart muttered.

"Wait a moment!" Astarion chimed up. "Am I misinterpreting this, but did we risk our lives killing those mangey beasts for nothing in return? No financial renumeration at all?" He looked around the party incredulously.

"Ha, well," Rugan said awkwardly, "You know we have just had our caravan raided, it’s not like we have anything to offer you…"

"What about the chest literally right there." Astarion pointed, not breaking eye contact with the man.

"What? This? It's nothing. Just some nonsense artifacts for some rich twat in the city, " Rugan shrugged.

"This business sounds like a rather rough trade." Astarion said, tapping his upper lip in a way Fen had seen other rogues employ when conversing. Thieves cant she realised. From the context she wondered whether the elf had threatened the men.

"Business at the end of a blade is still business, eh?" the older man said chuckling before rubbing his left eyebrow with three fingers. He stood to pick up the chest from the cave floor. "As my grandmother used to say, the littlest serpent casts the longest shadow." Both turning to leave.

"What the fuck was that about?" Karlach asked once the men were out of sight. Fen visibly relaxed in their absence.

"Zhentarim," Astarion explained, wiping his dagger on the fur of the hyena by his feet with a look of distain, "They have a hideout at the tavern up the road. There we'll get our reward."

"Oooh, thieves cant!" Gale chuckled, "How fun”.

Fen anxiously picked at the stale bread from her backpack as they continued on, purposely walking behind the rest of the party. She supposed she was vulnerable at the rear but needed the space to collect her thoughts.

They hadn't recognised her, that was obvious enough, but then she supposed she had spent the long journey from Manshaka in wild-shape. The anti-magic shackle around her neck had ensured that. To any of the smugglers travelling with them, they were moving just a whining dog. Little to no explanation was given as to why this dog had such secure transport across Faerûn. She was sure they must have had questions, but none were asked. You didn't get far in the Zhentarim questioning your Lord.

"Charming friends you have, there" Astarion dropped back to walk alongside her, "Nice of them to invite us back for tea and biscuits."

"I have no idea what you mean." Fen feigned ignorance, struggling to chew a particularly crusty morsel of bread, "Anyway, they looked more like people you'd associate with."

"Hmm, an odd coincidence" He sneered sarcastically, "A caravan coming up from arse -end-of-nowhere, Manshaka attacked by a mind flayer ship on the journey to Baldur's Gate, no that’s definitely an unusual occurrence." He bought his fist to his mouth in a thoughtful gesture. "Downright spooky that it would happen twice."

"Definitely unusual" She returned, flatly. "More unusual things have happened though…"

"And we do seem to attract the unusual, don't we pussycat?" He bumped her gently on the shoulder. She groaned in response.

"Well, I won't tell if you won't" He said rather musically, "What's a secret amongst friends-"

"Friends?" She asked a little too quickly.

"Is that not what we are? After everything we’ve shared together?" He asked, now clutching his chest in mock-heart break.

"Astarion, I've had a stone in my shoe since this morning. I'd say that's a more welcome travel companion than you right now”.

"That's not-" Astarion opened his mouth as if to parry with his own sly comment but was cut off by the shouts of help and the plume of smoke now rising over the horizon.

Waukeen's Rest was ablaze.

Karlach had been the only companion safe enough to enter the building. In a feat of heroics, she had helped break the door of the inn down before bringing not one but two of the survivors inside to safety. She had barely broken a sweat when she had returned with Counsellor Florrick. She was clearly still acclimatised to the heat of Avernus. The backdraft of the upper floor was a breeze. 

The others waited outside anxiously, tending to the injured outside. None looked more concerned than Wyll who's face had become frozen with fear at the first call for Duke Ravenguard.

Him and Gale had stayed behind to talk with Florrick to learn more about the cultist attack and the resulting kidnapping. Fen was out of earshot when Gale's face flashed with surprise at a comment of Florrick's before animatedly turning to ask Wyll more questions. Fen made a mental note to ask more about this from Gale later on.

The rest of the party continued on, moving towards the outbuildings to the West.

"Do you hear that?" Astarion asked, pointing towards one particular shack, "There's someone moving around inside, I have a feeling that’s what we're looking for" Fen realised what it was he was looking for. It wasn't the hope of finding any more survivors, more so the pursuit of his reward. The Zhentarim hideout.

The concealed human startled Fen. She had gasped when she saw him, a spell crackling in his fingers. She was evidently on edge.

Astarion with a hand on her shoulder stepped forward, smiling at the man.

"Woah there, don't want to start any more unnecessary fires today, do we?" He asked confidently. "Little Serpent. Long shadow" he said when the jumpy man before him didn't relax.

Fen's anxiety didn't wain once the man let them pass. Descending into the hideout, she struggled to hear her companions over the white noise in her ears. Her eyes scoured the chambers, hoping desperately not to find a familiar face. She felt cornered and on edge, a mouse walking willingly into a trap - a trap she'd been in before. If she weren't so fearful she may have laughed at the foolishness.

Zarys eyed her suspiciously as she discussed the reward they had sought with the others. Fen twitched under her gaze. She hadn't met the human woman, but she couldn’t help but worry that she knew.

Because the Zhentarim always knew.

The first time she had tried to escape, they had known.

A guard had bought her confidante to the bars of her cell and made her watch as he had slit his throat. All of her hope pouring out of his bubbling neck and spilling onto the stone floor.

The second time she had tried to escape, they had known.

When she had attempted to shift into an Eagle and soar to safety, mages shot lightning to bring her crashing back to the ground before she'd even made it ten feet. They had always known. They had learnt to use the Sussur shackles after that point.

The "taming" started after her third attempt.

If there was anything to be learnt from her imprisonment, it was that the Zhentarim always knew.

However, if Zarys had recognised Fen, she didn't let it on. Continuing to bargain and discuss with their rogue like old business partners. Fen felt sick to her stomach. She wanted nothing more than to bury these monsters in the hideout of their hollowing. She longed to hear their muffled screams through the dirt. But instead, she kept quiet as the party bartered for no doubt stolen goods. Her mind reeled. She hoped whatever they had gained was worth it. For they had unknowingly paid with a small part of her sense of safety.

She had insisted they paid for the kidnapped artist's freedom, which was as much as she had said during their time with the Black Network. The thought of leaving the man made her shake with rage.

When the trader had asked Fen to make an offer on the man's life, she wondered sickeningly how much money had been exchanged for hers behind closed doors. What was her worth? Defined by discreet discussions of others. 

"Such a bleeding heart," The vampire groaned as they reached above ground, making their way back to their camp, "That was a good chunk of our gold you wasted”.

The transaction had made her feel nauseous, but not for the reason he meant. She knew she would be up until late that night, justifying buying another man's life, even if she had granted him his freedom immediately. She had contributed to a system she was a victim of. 

Gale's newly acquired scrolls of warding had given her a small sense of comfort that night. Watching the wizard work to protect the camp from unexpected nocturnal visitors, she was able to unclench her teeth for the first time that day, relieved that the chances of her being dragged off in the middle of the night had somewhat reduced.

Wyll had remained up late that night, lost in his thoughts about his captured father. Fen had given him what support she could until the little hours of the morning, but he had returned to his tent with the same haunted look he had arrived with.

He thanked Fen before he left. Leaving her feeling colder than before next to the now dying fire.

Her eyes searched the tree line around them, unsure what she was expecting to find. Perhaps a goblin raiding party lurking in the bushes? Maybe a swarm of mindflayers, their foreheads throbbing with psionic power? Or worse, Zhent exotic trappers ready to snatch her away and back to the Livestock Pen for auction. Back to Him.

What she didn't expect was to find Astarion, sauntering his way over to her on his way back from the woods - no doubt following a successful hunt.

He moved with an unnatural grace to the campfire where she was sitting, examining a small blood stain on his white billowing shirt.

"Oh, well that'll never get out, will it?" He tutted.

"Going hunting in a white shirt was brave of you." She replied, although she doubted, he was really talking to her.

"I'm actually a very clean eater." He continued rubbing at the spot. "I'm quite skilled with my mouth - as you must well remember."

She was thankful he was distracted, or else he may have seen the blush bloom in her cheeks, although given his vampiric sense she was sure he must have been able to smell it.

"You've been weird today" he said after some time, giving up on his shirt to face her. "All shifty, and odd. Not keen to catch up with old friends then?"

"They aren't my friends" She seethed. "And I would prefer it if you dropped it." Her eyes fixated on the fire before her.

"I don't know what it is you've gotten yourself into with the Zhent, but you better not let it come back to bite us in the arse." He sneered. "I don't care for other people's messes."

In the silence between them that followed, Fen felt a small twinge of guilt. Here she was safely behind her walls, having lectured him not three days ago to be more honest.

"What was it you were hunting?" She asked after a time, the fire had long burnt out, and now they were both watching the way the breeze danced in the still warm ashes.

"Just some rabbits" He huffed, "Slim pickings out there this evening, I'm afraid." He looked to side to face her.

"Oh sorry, were they also friends of yours?" He asked, bringing a leg over to straddle the log they were both sitting on. "Never know with your type. I was scared to trod on a dandelion at the Grove in case I upset your lot”.

"My lot?"

"You know, you're type" He gestured to all of her. "Wood elves… druids…"

"Can’t be that filling, rabbits."

"Nothing compared to - well other things I could be dining on." Fen felt a bubble of annoyance at the notion of being called an ‘other thing’ - "But significantly better than the rats and bugs Cazador served me."

"Cazador?"

"My old master" He look down and away from her, eyebrows pinching together. "Before the mindflayers took me from him. Before this strange, twisted freedom."

Fen knew the tales of true vampire and the ancient power they held over their spawn - little more than flesh puppets - commanded to do their dark bidding. He didn't conduct himself in the manner of a man newly saved from a life of slavery. But then, did she?

The artist they had rescued from the Zhentarim had all but kissed her as he made his journey back to Baldur's Gate - a monumental weight off his shoulders. Fen didn't feel nearly as light. How long did a person have to be in captivity until they lost all hope.

She liked to think she still clung onto some remanence of faith in others. She had been keen to save the Tiefling child at the Grove and had campaigned the others to assist with clearing the goblin encampment whilst searching for the druid Halsin. Her God's will or not, she still cared.

Astarion however didn't afford people the same faith. How long had he been a slave?

"But that was the past." He remained looking away, with that far off look in his eye. She understood. He was somewhere else, then.  "I'll never have to grovel for him again. I'll never obey his commandment again."

"First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures." He curled his lip, exposing one of his razor fangs.

"Wait, does that mean - " She asked, his gaze snapped towards her, and as simple as that he was back with her.

"Ah yes, that's why I was somewhat a little eager, before. But can you blame me? You were my first." He smirked devishly as that tell-tale mask slid back over his face. "Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

She would have perhaps groaned at the egregious attempt at flirting had she not witnessed the display of mental turbulence on the man's face before her. It seemed he lived in a fine balance of either being protected by his confident camouflage, or a thousand miles away in a deep crevices in his mind. Fen doubted she would ever get to meet the real Astarion.

"And what-" she began but stopped herself. She wanted to tread carefully. "H-how did you turn?"

He raised an eyebrow in response. That cursed eyebrow.

"Gods, I'm sorry, if it's a rude question to ask…" Fen tried to backtrack.

But he chuckled once in response. "I don't really recall much about the whole thing. I had passed an… unpopular judgement on a group of Gur who then took it upon themselves to follow me and attack me in the night in Baldur's Gate. I would have died had Cazador not appeared and saved me" He scoffed. "Left the 'eternal slave' clause out at the time though."

"Do you miss it?" Her voice was small. He gave her a questioning look. "Being alive?"

This time when he chuckled it was with more effort, but the smile lines never quite reached his eyes. "Can you miss something you don't remember?"

For the first time, Fen felt an odd sense of gratitude. Yes, she had lost decades of her life, but at least she could still remember the feel of fresh grass and sunshine on her face. She could still hear her mother's voice.

"As lovely as this conversation is, I must retire after my rather disappointing dinner. "

He began to move away, Fen suddenly feeling a flash of alarm. The conversation topics had been heavy, but after today she was craving the company.

"Wait - Do you… need more?"

"What are you suggesting little druid?" His voice was as dark as the shadows under his eyes.

"Well, you can feed from me tonight." She said, impressed with how quickly she recovered her confidence. "If you want." She felt the need to tag on.

"If I want?" He smiled, "There is nothing I'd want more than to get lost in that lovely little neck of yours again."

Even though they were outside, the air suddenly felt warm and thick.

"Where would be best?" She began to look around for her bedroll, which still lay folded away.

"How about this time we take this a somewhere a tad less public? I don't fancy an unexpected audience" He gestured his head towards his tent, it's flap open, and the candle lit within giving it an extremely welcoming appearance for what was a - vampire lair. "Plus, I can show you all the luxuries of inside living."

"What about the watch?" She asked, looking out again to the treeline.

"I think Gale's ward spells will hold for the time being, don't you?" He stood up from the log, unfolding his height before her. He extended a hand down to help her up. "Come with me."

His tent wasn't what she had expected, but then she didn't know what she had expected. The vampire nests she had raided in her youth had been grim and repulsive, but Astarion's tent smelt intoxicatingly like him. That heady smell that maddened her before. He had somehow sourced several comfortable floor cushions along the floor. A flicking candle illuminated the canvas. A large ornate mirror sat propped against a crate.

"Expecting more corpses and piles of viscera?" He asked, coming to sit on the floor, beckoning her to follow suit.

"I was expecting less mirrors, truth be told" She sat cross-legged Infront of him. Now with the tent flap closed, she felt cut off from the rest of the world. The camp and the outside world momentarily no longer in existence. Just the two of them, the contents of this tent, and a feeling of excitement. "What's the use of it?"

"Well, it's not petty vanity, is it?" He flicked his hair back in a flashy gesture, but Fen noted that none of his curls were out of place. She wondered how he managed to look so put together - and well beautiful - without a reflection to work with.

"But of course I miss it. I've never even seen this face. Not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red."

She couldn't help but wonder what colour they had been before.

His eyes were feline in shape and distinctly fey, much like her own. But their crimson depths would reflect the light in a way that she knew should make her unsteady. Red eyes were a mark of danger. However, she couldn't help but admire the way they would reflect the candlelight.

"What colour were they? Before?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"I-I don't remember." His eyebrows pinched again, appearing surprised at the question.

She supposed they must have been grey or blue, the colour most associated with the Teu-tel-quessir, but she couldn't help but feel sad at what of his had been lost to time.

"What do you see? When you look at me?"

She struggled to take a full breath in as she gazed upon his face. He was magnificent. A straight nose, high cheekbones and eyes that could slice right through her. You didn't have to spend decades in the desert to appreciate a beauty like his.

"Piercing eyes…dangerous smile… You're beautiful…" She started, feeling a blush come on. The corner of his mouth started to twitch upwards, and she derailed that thought. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of her flattery.

"But you know that you're beautiful. You don't need me to tell you that." She finished, consciously pulling herself back a fraction. She hadn't realised how much she was starting to lean forward.

"Oh of course I do" he said, "But it's still nicer to hear you say it. Feel free to call me pretty whenever you like, Darling. Sounds lovely coming from your lips."

Suddenly, Fen remembered why she had come to his tent in the first place: dinner.

"Flattery aside - where would be best for me to sit? Lie down again?" As comfortable as his bedroll looked, she dreaded the thought. She wasn't sure she would be able to control herself if he were to lie over her again.

Who was this Fen? Shy with desire over the attention of a man. She almost felt normal. Like any woman would alone with Astarion.

"How about we change it up? I doubt I'd be able to control myself after those pretty little words of yours." He shifted to sit Infront of the mirror, his legs wide. It was odd seeing the tent reflected back to her his image noticeably missing.

"Sit here" he said quietly, patting the space between his legs once. "I want to see your face."

That warmth in the pit of her abdomen reared its head as she settled herself between his thighs. Muscular and lean, she couldn't help but appreciate how he felt pressed against her back. She pressed her legs together in response.

A shiver ripped through her as she felt his hands come rest gently on her shoulders. Although noticeably colder than her own feverish body temperature, it wasn't unpleasant.

She braced herself for the icy bite which would certainly follow but was shocked when she felt soft lips at the column of her neck, just above her jugular. She felt her pulse accelerate in response.

"What - What are you doing?" She managed to ask as soft kisses were planted gently on her neck. His hand slid down and across her waist, holding her to him.

When he spoke, he did so into her skin. "Don't pretend. I thought we promised to be honest with each other.

Another kiss. Another shudder she desperately tried to hide.

"I'm two hundred years old. I know how I effect people." His other hand trailed down her torso, coming to rest on her knee. She silently willed it to travel upwards. To give her any relief.

"I know how I effect you."

"And how's that?"

"Well, when I was getting lost in your neck..." he punctuated by pressing his teeth gently but not enough to break skin. "I could feel your little leg shakes. I could feel you shaking with excitement."

The hand on her knee started to rub gently against her leggings.

"I could taste it" The next kiss he laid on her neck was followed by dart of his tongue. Here she was, a meal sitting right in his lap.

"You touched yourself didn't you." She tried to twist against his arms to cower from her shame. She dreaded to think that he had been privy to her blasphemous activities. His hands only served to hold her in her place. She longed to see his face, to try and read any hint of an expression he might have, but all she could see was her own in the mirror. And the blush that was descending rapidly down her cheeks.

"You don't have to pretend. I could hear your little pants and moans." His lips travelled up to graze the lobe of her ear which he drew carefully into his mouth. She whined in response. "You can enjoy it. I enjoy it."

"I wonder what you taste like when you come." He whispered gentle into her ear. "I think we should find out."

The hand on her knee, how parted them, displaying her before him in the mirror. "You talk so much" she moaned, surprised with how compliant she was being.

His hand dragged up the inside of her thigh, fiendishly slowly, never reaching that spot she so desperately wanted him. Her hips bucked forward in response, but the hand around her waist countered by bringing her further backwards into him. A small noise left her as she felt the hardness press against her lower back.

"Touch yourself."

She didn't need to be told twice.

With one hand gripping his thigh, she slid her other into the waistband of her leggings. She leant back further into him as she found that aching spot at the apex of her thighs. Her slick underwear was easy to push aside.

"I am enjoying this little show" He came to rest his chin on her shoulder. If he was watching, she wouldn't have been able to tell. She could only see herself in the mirror.

"Look how beautiful you look."

And the visual before her surprised her.

Fen had never seen herself as a sexual being. As a young woman she had only been called beautiful a handful of times. Mostly by fellow novices and mostly whilst they were desperately fucking her. But she had never felt beautiful.

Then of course her body had been taken from her in Manshaka - in every respect it could. As a druid. As a person. As a woman.

She had forgotten herself. She had forgotten the feminine being she was. It was a shame it took the sensual words of a man to remind her.

"Can you hurry up and bite me." She panted, that coil in her pelvis threatening to spring loose.

"It would be my pleasure" He smiled into her neck before his fangs breached her sun-kissed skin.

That feeling of pleasant numbness descended across her again. The coldness of his bite spreading until it reached the warmth of her sex. The meeting of the two causes stars to flash before her eyes. Her head flew backwards to rest against his shoulder as he continued to suckle against her skin.

Her fingers continued their dance across her sensitive bud, and she groaned grinding herself against her own hand. Invertedly, she bought her hips backwards against him, drawing out his own grunt against her throat. In response he thrust forward against her, rhythmically in time with his swallows.

The orgasm that she built within, washed over her like the crashing tide. Her legs shook under his hand.

"Astarion-" She tried desperately to not call out as to not alert the others, whining gently instead.

His feeding slowed down as she rode out her climax.

Once the ringing in her eyes subsided, she realised how loudly he was panting against her.

She crashed back against him as he pulled away from her neck. His arms now coming to stabilise her against his chest. Strong forearms she had admired so closely before.

The blood had clearly been enough to shut him up. The only noises in the tent were the pair's shallow breathing and the thundering of her heart.

She left his tent shortly after. He had made a snarky remark about having a 'dinner and a show' once he had caught his breath. Fen had taken this as a sign to leave and return to her own bedroll which now felt considerably colder than usual.

Any sense of uncertainty in her mind would have to wait until morning, because tonight she would relish in the afterglow of her rediscovery.

Once again, she was proving her body was her own, and she could enjoy it with whoever she pleased.

Undead or not - Silvanus be damned.

[groovygrub]

but if i move my place in line, i'll lose

and i have waited, the anticipation's got me glued

i am waiting for something to go wrong

i am waiting for familiar resolve

i am waiting for another repeat

another diet fed by crippling defeat

and i am waiting for that sense of relief

i am waiting for you to flee the scene

as if you held in your hand a smoking gun

and on the floor lay the one you said you loved

[leafkidsblog]

Expo '86 by Death Cab for Cutie

Sometimes I think this cycle never ends We slide from top to bottom and we turn and climb again And it seems by the time that I have figured what it's worth The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse

But if I move my place in line, I'll lose And I have waited, the anticipation's got me glued

I am waiting for something to go wrong I am waiting for familiar resolve

Sometimes it seems that I don't have the skills to recollect The twists and turns of plot that turned us from lovers to friends I'm thinking I should take that volume back up off the shelf And crack it's weary spine and read to help remind myself

But if I move my place in line, I'll lose And I have waited, the anticipation's got me glued

I am waiting for something to wrong I am waiting for familiar resolve I am waiting for another repeat Another diet fed by crippling defeat And I am waiting for that sense of relief I am waiting for you to flee the scene As if you held in your hand the smoking gun And on the floor lay the one you said you loved

And it's strange They're all basically the same So I don't ask names anymore

Sometimes I think this cycle never ends We slide from top to bottom and we turn and climb again And it seems by the time that I have figured what it's worth The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse

The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse The squeaking of our skin against the steel has gotten worse

[redbravado]

I am waiting for something to go wrong

I am waiting for familiar resolve

I am waiting for another repeat

Another diet fed by crippling defeat

And I am waiting for that sense of relief

I am waiting for you to flee the scene

As if you held in your hand the smoking gun

And on the floor lay the one you said you loved

[kyglow]

finally hearing the sound of her voice which was a sweet relief because it indicated to him that she was very close by. having tracked down his target as it only posed minimal challenge his lips tugged into a devious smirk as his agitated yet mildly irritated demeanour and expression all seemed to evaporate. " yeah that's a promise. " he quipped as he would carefully saunter his way in the direction of where her voice was coming from only to then unexpectedly jump out from behind the tree revealing herself. pausing for a moment as he genuinely appeared to be impressed with how she looked in appearance. he lowered the flashlight down and switched it off as there was still some form of visibility due to the luminescent moon providing light. " that seemed to have done the trick me telling you what i am going to do. never thought it'd be that easy. " he snickered. provided a challenge as it seemed she was goading him when his deviously devilish dark glinted eyes shifted around from side to side making sure nobody was around even though they were in the middle of nowhere.

he didn't get too close however when he was baffled as she grabbed and tossed a stone to the side as if to distract him. he was slow to react to her words when his mouth would be somewhat agape before stammering out a singular word. " wait - - " he called out to her although appreciating her referring to him as handsome. eyes would widen and eyebrows shot up when he watched her flee into the darkness with dayton soon following as he pursued her. legs would be tired and calves strained his perspiration becoming much thicker with beads of sweat rolling off his involuntarily flexed muscles. as eyebrows pinched together into an unamused frown. his jawline clenched when he would manage to catch up to her wrapping his arms so immediately he would pick her up and turn his body only to then push her down on the ground.

straddling her thighs when he would sit up on his knees with her stomach pressed to the forest floor. " that was rude not allowing me to finish answering your question. i need to teach you some fucking manners, baby. " his voice layered thick with a sense of craze yet seduction which was partially drowned out by his heavy pants. dropping his bag beside him he then opened it and reached in to grab the velvety rope. his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth as he chuckled faintly. grabbing her by the wrists he pinned them together behind her back and began to tie her hands together. " you're going to be fucking screaming alright. why if i were you i'd be screaming right about now. " he ruffled her hair with his hand taunting her. " i am going to fuck you right here into the ground and i don't care if you get tired baby cause i am just going to keep going filling up those holes of yours. " his voice was gravelly and gruff but primarily shrouded in amusement yet joy. his hands lifted up the hem of her summer dress with lustful eyes looking down. his digits slid underneath the waistband to her panties as he pulled them down hastily and roughly. " first of all because you made me chase after you and now i am fucking hungry. i might actually be kind enough to eat that ass of yours or should i just stick to pussy? " he sneered with lips curved into a small grin. the palm of his hand then slapped her ass cheek as he hissed getting more aroused.

Kaiya was as high as a horse and having the time of her life, in all honesty. After meeting Dayton and helping him set up for his few days of performance as a DJ, being someone who's in love with music as a student herself and a future composer, she enjoyed spending time around him and learning more about him. Something about him was off, in a way that intrigued her even more to get closer to him. So why not play a little game? Games were fun, especially this late at night. Kaiya ran through the woods in her black converse, pair of jeans shorts and a shirt of her favorite band, and he chased after her. Oh he was making this so fun, it was hard for Kaiya not to giggle like crazy. She didn't speak so he wouldn't find her so easily, what was the fun in that, right?

But he was getting closer, that much she could tell. The flashlight ran over her for a short moment before she moved, he was giving himself away way too easy, but it was up to her to hide and for him to seek. It sounded like he was getting pissed which only amused her more. "Is that a promise?"Kaiya asked with a light laugh as he told her he'll have her tied up and fuck all of her holes. She quickly moved from her position and spotted him getting closer, he looked so hot in that darkness with a flash light in hand, looking so frustrated she was skipping away from him. "You think you'll fuck me that good that you'll have me screaming, handsome?"she asked with a chuckle. Taking a stone in her hand, she tossed it away to the other side to get his attention. "Catch me if you can!"Kaiya yelled and laughed out loud as she came out of her hiding spot close to him and began running down the forest path. @sxlcst