#i am tagging this with irrelevant things because i need engagement

[digitallysick]

I CAN'T COMMENT OR MESSAGE PEOPLE ON MY MAIN TUMBLR ACCOUNT AND WHEN I LOOK AT THE TAGS MY POSTS AREN'T THERE EVEN, I'VE BEEN SO SAD THAT MY POSTS WEREN'T GETTING LIKES OR STUFF BUT TURNS OUT THEY WEREN'T BEING FEATURED, GUYS DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS IS WHAT SHOULD I DO AND WHEN I TRY TAGGING MY MAIN ACC IT SAYS NO BLOG FOUND?????(but its still taggable) BUT I AM STILL ABLE TO POST, SEND ASKS AND REBLOG STUFFF?????!?!(both the web and app version have the same results, I have tried deleting and redownloaded the app + this has been an issue ever since I made the account but i thought it was just the comment bug, I'm also sure people can't see my reblogs) @webicon I'm literally so sad rn, my other accounts on the same device doesn't have this issue, is something wrong with my acc?? :(

[stitchau]

————————《《FAQ》》————————

This post will be updated over time.

Main artist account: @centfornothing (both tumblr, twitter and soon bluesky)

Currently, i am very busy with university, and I'm not gonna be free any time soon...(except holidays, obviously) BUT I am really trying to put at least SOME time into what I've created here, so there's that. (Hopefully I'll survive all that)

— Usage of Stitch/Fanart

1. Q: Can I create fanart of Stitch?

A: Yes, I'd be more than happy if you do! ^^

Also, do not be shy to tag me! I will, from time to time, check if i was tagged somewhere.

2. Q: Can I use your character in my comic/animation/fanfiction?

A: Yep! I don't see why not.

3. Q: Can I ship *insert character name here* with Stitch?

A: Sure, have fun! But I sure do hope that the character in question is not a child. I am strongly against it.

4. Q: Can I create NSFW🔞 content of Stitch?

A: Yes, unless it involves children/incest. Do not draw stuff like that.

5. Q: Can I voice act your comics?

A: Any day!! Just don't forget to put credits, everything else is up to you! ^^

— NOT ALLOWED

I'm being repetitive here, but whatever. These are the only things I don't want people to do with my character, and I hope you understand why.

DO NOT create content depicting Stitch engaging with children in sexual manner.

DO NOT create content depicting Stitch endorsing incest/racism/f*scism/n*zism or anything similar to that.

As advice, I'd kindly ask you not to create stuff like this at all. Please be a better person and be responsible with what you create and put out there on the internet.

— About asks/questions

Questions that I have already answered won't get a reply.

Not all the questions will get their answers. Either because it's not the time for the answer yet or because it's irrelevant/not a question at all.

If there's too many questions, yours might be missed/might get a late reply(currently i have 70+ questions, no joke, and i just cant answer all of them, especially when there's more of them every day). But don't be shy asking questions anyway!

Other reasons for your questions not getting an answer:

I might be busy because I also have to live a life.

If your question is something like "I love your au sm," then thank you. I really appreciate your kind words, you are making my day💞

I might not want to answer your question for reasons. (Provocative questions, personal questions, etc)

If you are asking something related to YOUR OWN mental health. Please, PLEASE, if you have real problems, do not try to find a solution for them from internet strangers, go and talk to a real, qualified professional.

Please do not vent to me, I am not qualified to offer you help. I wish you the best, please stay safe.

And just a separate point about roleplays. Sorry, but I don't really do them. I can play along to something unserious and small, but whole roleplays are not for me.

— About Stitch

Stitch uses any pronouns, but they/them is a preferred one.

They are aroace.

The place they live in is called "Treatment space"(the info on what it is will be elaborated on sometime later). It is accessible for anyone in Omega Timeline at any given point through a door. But it can also be accessed from anywhere if you have one of 2 special keys: small red key that will create a door for 1 person leading to the Treatment Space or the bigger dark red key that will create a much bigger door, also leading to the Treatment Space(backyard). Keys can be mostly found in Omega Timeline, but some are scattered throughout the Multiverse.

They mimic the voice according to the form they have at the moment. So Sans' voice for a form of Sans, etc.

For all the different parts of plush bodies and clothes, there is a separate big room in Treatment Space.

Stitch doesn't need to sleep, eat, or drink.

Their most preferred forms are Toriel(convenience) and Sans(frequency of use).

The forms they don't like to use the most are the ones that are small(like Temmie, annoying dog, Flowey, etc.)

— The Lore(WIP)

Prologue

Chapter 1: Lucky streak — part 1

— Stitch's forms

I have some forms drawn separately, and some that I drew with some other sketches. I MIGHT be a bit too lazy to draw every from individually for now, so here's what I have:

Papyrus

Muffet

Mettaton

Alphys

Gaster

Monster kid (MK)

Grillby

Frisk and Chara(want to change them)

Toriel(if you can't tell, I like this one a lot)

Asgore, Flowey, Sans, Undyne, some stuff

More info will be added later

[prince-liest]

i know you didn't mean anything bad by it, but it really discouraged me to see you rb that anti-reader-insert post. i write and enjoy both reader-insert and shipfic (my 2016 baby-in-fandom roots were in shipfic, but i'm pretty active in the reader-insert community as well these days). i really look up to you as both a current med student would to a resident (i'm an m2) and a writer would to a more-experienced/established writer, so i guess seeing you agree with a post that disparages a part of the fanfic community that we both engage in made me feel upset.

i definitely understand where people come from when they complain about xreader fics flooding the tags. i've felt that exasperation and annoyance of scrolling through the tags both on ao3 and tumblr, searching for fanart or shipfics of my favorite characters, only to be inundated with reader-insert works that i'm not in the mood to read. so, i get it.

i guess my point is: i look up to you. i really enjoy your writing. and because of my parasocial connection to you (i.e., enjoyment of your fandom takes and writing), it hurt my feelings that you seem to hold a pretty negative opinion about a side of the fandom writing community that i happen to pour a lot of myself into.

please don't feel pressured to respond to this at all-- residency is hard enough without some random anon on the internet nagging at you about some random reblog that is not nearly as important as patient care or saving lives. i don't even really know what the purpose of telling you this was; i'm not trying to change your opinion about reader-insert or anything like that. i think i just wanted to let you know how i felt seeing your reblog, with no expectations that you do anything with that information /gen. but yeah. i hope you're able to get some rest and take some time for yourself soon, and i look forward to continuing to your fics in the future.

Hey, there anon! First of all, it may make you feel better to know that I actually have absolutely nothing against x reader fics at a baseline. It's not my thing, I don't read it, but I don't have enough of an opinion on it to dislike it. I'm a big proponent of "write what you want" and while I've never written x reader content, I've roleplayed plenty of canon x OC ships back in the day, and write a lot of stuff that needs the dead dove tag. This post, to my understanding and in my intent, was meant to express humorous frustration with the ongoing issue specifically of a lot of x reader fics (particularly in the last several months, I suspect either because of Tiktok or due to Twitter's downward spiral) being tagged with irrelevant tags. I've actually had to ask on multiple posts something like "Why is this tagged with [canon ship]?"

Most people have kindly removed the tag and explained that they thought it was good exposure and didn't realize that wasn't how things work on Tumblr, which is great, but it's still frustrating that it's hard to scroll through a lot of tags without seeing lengthy and explicit x reader fics that are either tagged with unrelated ships/characters/fandoms, or undertagged with blockable x reader tags.

Even if I did dislike x reader, though, I just want to emphasize to you: I really appreciate that you look up to me and I'm really happy that I'm able to provide some encouragement to you in the form of someone with a similar creative hobby on the same career path, but also, my opinions on matters of personal taste really don't matter. I am, at the end of the day, A Random Person On The Internet Who Has A Blog, and I encourage you to look at opinions of mine that grate on you and think: "Eh. Just another random person I don't happen to agree with. Whatever, I guess." and move on, because in the long run this will be more fair to both yourself and me. There are indeed actually popular but harmless parts of fandom that I'm growing to dislike a little bit, and it feels strange to be unable to casually refer to or joke about that without being worried that it will hurt someone's feelings that I don't personally like the same thing they do. This is actually some of why I'm on Tumblr and not Twitter - the parasocial issues tend to be stronger on there! I confess that I don't really know exactly what to do about this problem yet, but I'm going to endeavor to not censor myself (as long as I'm not being a dick, ofc) while also encouraging people to not put me up on too much of a pedestal.

At any rate, I'll clarify in the tags of the post what I meant by my reblog, and I hope this at least offered some reassurance to you!

[rainbowsky]

Hi RBS, can you tell us more about the weibo supertopic thing?

It's not the first time Yibo tag his supertopic, right?

As a turtle is it better to not subscribe to it?

I'm super confused.

Hi Anon,

Here's my opinion on that.

You don't need to know anything about the solo supertopics. They aren't relevant to our fandom, because they are solo spaces. We should stay in our own lane - as should solos, but good luck with that.

(Hi all you motos who've been writing me 👋🏻 just a reminder that my posts are for turtle eyes only, not yours - stay in your own lane! I don't go to your spaces and nag you, even though half of your posts are anti-turtle hate. Mind your own business).

So in my opinion Turtles shouldn't be involving themselves with the solo supertopics, although some do in a misguided belief that doing so boosts GG and DD as individuals. Not really, all you're doing is boosting solo engagement numbers. Some percentage of the 'active solo fan' numbers reflects turtles who are actively involving themselves in the solo supertopics.

If you're a turtle, stick to the turtle supertopics, boost GG and DD's endorsement and project social media accounts, boost their individual accounts, stay away from solo spaces.

That includes GG and DD's official fan clubs, that includes their individual supertopics.

A lot of turtles don't realize it (and a lot of solos misunderstand this too and say false and misleading things about it), but BOTH their individual supertopics AND their official fan clubs are run entirely by solos, and are meant for solos.

I will frequently hear solo fans try to frame GG and DD's official fan clubs as being directly connected to them or their studios. False. Under the new rules in China celebrities have to designate an official fan club and they have to take responsibility for 'directing' their fans, but that does not mean they have direct involvement with those fan clubs.

Similarly, I'll frequently hear motos bragging about how turtles are 'banned' from posting in DD's supertopic, as though that means anything at all. LOL. OF COURSE CP topics are banned from solo run spaces. That shouldn't surprise anyone. Of course solos are going to ban big-name turtles from those spaces (which, as I said before, are run entirely by solos).

Although that doesn't really stop turtles from being involved with those supertopics if they want to. I am a high level member of both solo supertopics*, and I'm not 'banned', because solos don't know I'm a turtle (I also don't engage in those supertopics at all anymore, so it's irrelevant, just saying there's no way that turtles can ever truly be banned completely).

*I used to check in to both GG and DD's solo supertopics, but I stopped when I fully realized that these have nothing to do with GG and DD, they're just solo fan spaces.

Point being - we should all stay in our own lane. Part of staying in our own lane is supporting turtle spaces and avoiding solo spaces.

That's my opinion.

As for DD's cat post, solos have their fan interpretations of it. We should leave them to that, just as they should leave us to our own CPN. Stay in your own lane. BLOCK AND IGNORE. Do not argue with them over their own fan theories. There's no point, and it would be hypocritical if we want them to stop doing that to us.

What they say and think is really irrelevant to us unless they bring it into our spaces to harass us.

[sassenashsworld]

WIP Wednesday, baby! (even if it's sunday)

Tagged by @totally-not-deacon!! Gonna tag : @maccreadysbaby, @jasmineofthecommonwealth, @derinthescarletpescatarian because even if you're not in my Fallout community I know you are an amazing author and... yeah, as I am bold, I will be bold to the brim : @chadfallout76podcast

If @badastronaut27, @atombonniebaby, and @willinglyghoulified want to make my day.... feel free!

Now for my part... I like to write scene between Danse and Nick. They have a kind of torturous relation where each other doesn't dare to said out loud they respect each other... but they are

Danse is no longer subtle; he gestures with his hand and surely he wants to be discreetly asking me to get closer, but I believe that if our two friends weren't so preoccupied, they wouldn't have missed it. Before I join him, I apologize to Sturges and Nora. He pushes me inside Nora's house and slams the door behind him, as if he's worried that someone has been following us. His actions are becoming increasingly odd. "Was that— 

"I have committed a grievous error." Born or being involved with the Brotherhoods? He walks around the room nervously, passing his hands one after the other through his hair, as if he can't determine which one will calm him down. I light a cigarette and settle calmly on the couch. "What kind of mistake?" I ask him without looking up. He pulls a holotape from his pocket. I admit that for a brief minute, I was at a loss for words. How did he get hold of that? Which of these is it? Then I notice something strange. It's not one of Eddie Winter's or Jonathan's holotapes. It's one I've never seen before, I believe.

"I-I-I… It inadvertently escaped from Nora's bag. I surmised that it had some connection with the Railroad. I am aware that she is currently engaged in handling the situation, and I have been instructed to dutifully divulge any pertinent information— 

"Ready to betray a dear friend?" That I sardonically let down. "This is irrelevant." "I consider it is an extremely important matter. Are you truly willing to sell the Rail Road, knowing how valuable it is to your friend?" He sinks into the sofa and places the holotape on the living room table. 'Hi honey!' is now totally legible to me. In the land of no-joy, it does smell horrible. "All right, moral question number two for later. Is this from Nate?" "Affirmative. Initially, I failed to comprehend the objects that reached my hearing. I must insist that the information conveyed in this audio log appeared rather perplexing to my understanding. I possessed scarce knowledge regarding Nora… prior to the cataclysmic conflict.” Personally, I'm shocked by my curiosity. I understand that this tape must be incredibly intimate, especially given Danse's unsettled aura, but the investigator in me wants to know, and this band in the middle of the table requests that I read it. I resist temptation by closing my eyes. "I heeded every word." He decrees it as if he had perpetrated the world's worst abomination. I'm not sure what's on that tape, but given who owns it, I believe it's in those waters. "I guess she doesn't know you got your hands on it." "Affirmative. That is precisely why I am beseeching your assistance." I'm not feeling it. "We must endeavor to replace the holotape within Knight Nora's bag. I require your assistance, for she permits only her synthetic pet to approach." The synth pet send you to hell. However, we don't require a crisis among the companions. We'll need to invest in the Institute shortly, and sending a crazed or disturbed Nora isn't a good idea. "All right, I'll do it. It's especially satisfying to know that a high Brotherhood officer will owe me." As the man in front of me expresses terror, I silently savor my cigarette. I admit that I may have just unburied the hatchet between us, but one thing is certain: it is far better to be beholden to me than to any other relative of Nora's capable of sending the holotape on to her luggage. "Don't worry, I'm not that crazy. I just want you to remember who helped you on the day my life will be on the line." He nods slowly, recognizing my first remark was quite amusing. He may grow to grasp my nature better over time, probably a long time. "Also, let me tell you 'bout a day I thought I was peeking at a case, and it was Nora's diary." His look shifts from shock to fury and comprehension. "You are human, despite your armor and pompous titles. Humans make mistakes. Just be cautious the next time."

[girlbloggercrowley]

after reflection i am not a believer in The Theory doc

discussion under cut

-"neil gaiman's such a good writer it's impossible for him to do anything wrong ever, i am going to continually reference this fact and base the entire theory premise on this"

wrong. yeah the man is talented. but absolutely yes he has the potential to write something not stunning, AS DO WE ALL, being, you know, humans.

-it is so tjlc that it makes me nervous large swathes of fandom seem to be believing in it. lads. lads please

-not a fan of the tone of it personally, although this is an issue irrelevant to the points inside it

-several "plot holes" or weird things pointed out in the intro are just... not plot holes. like aziraphale drawing. or the gabe statue payoff.

-"maggie does some weird things therefore she isn't real. look at these coffeeshop au lesbians! haha they're such a plot device that i'm going to say one of them is Made Up, just because of how strange and unusual i think they are"

i think "something's up with maggie" is an interesting theory. "she's entirely fictional" is inane. also i have words for people ignoring maggie+nina/discounting them as "tropes" or "lesbians to help the gay men get along" like actually they had their own story... yes they were plot devices but they were self aware plot devices same as some characters from s1

-the avoidance of alcohol is interesting, but could have many explanations.

i think my biggest reason for being suspicious of this is that good omens season 2 is a continuation of good omens 1, and good omens the book, and it is between season 1 and the season 2 that pratchett and gaiman planned out. if the neighbor of the beast was supposed to start with metatron going "aha! i have trapped you all in my secret time manipulation scheme, there is no escape!! muahahahaha" then i think the guy would have showed up in s2 more than just in the last episode, for the most part.

also, this hinges so heavily on what i call "bad on purpose" that it's kind of headache-inducing. one: from what i've seen of gaiman, he doesn't do that kind of thing. what an insane gamble to throw away potential ratings/s3 for a mind game that the doc author seems to think the vast majority of people simply wouldn't be able to comprehend/figure out for themselves, from the way they wrote the doc. two: sometimes things are just mediocre

but i have a specific vendetta towards bad "on purpose" or "the villain is good actually" or "the authors have this massive secret that you plebs don't get kind" of theory (i understand that these are not exactly similar and also, this is showing my inherent bias against the essay, but i feel it's better to acknowledge that bias). theories that go "actually it's completely different" feel, i need, either a load of solid evidence or a vibe where it's like "this is just a theory though, we're having fun!" i'm not super with tone but i don't think the theory has either.

i think theorizing is good and fun and a creative way to engage with fandom. i'm not a fan of this one. and now, after old man porch-ing about how you gotta take time before posting essays in the tags, i will post this essay i wrote in 30 mins with minimal revising. hit post goodbye

[scottxlogan]

I'll elaborate under the cut on my view (warning, kind of depressing in terms of my own experience, but as for others I'll just say here as I do at the end for everyone who isn't me, ignore that voice and know you're great, valid and wonderful and you deserve to keep creating great things because you're really good at it!)

Every day I feel like an untalented hack and it gets worse depending on what's going on outside of fandom. Each time I write something lately I think about old pieces I've done that people really loved (that maybe I had a deep connection to in writing) and wonder where that passion and dare I say talent has squandered off to. I know it sounds like an attention seeking thing, but I honestly feel so defeated right now as an author as I feel like the fandoms that I've loved so very much just haven't loved me back or appreciated/thought I was valid in my contributions to them.

It's a self-defeating cycle, but one that this new world of fandom has absolutely put upon me. For example last night I posted a story on AO3 that when I wrote it I thought to myself "This is the story no one asked for, but it wanted to be written" and while it was involving a popular ship, there was a not-so-popular shippy thing happening inside of it that some might not like (which I tagged accordingly), so I expected that there would be less engagement with it, which I accepted and was okay with at least outwardly, but as I got closer to posting the fic, even after rigorous edits, I started to doubt myself. Really doubt what I was doing and my ability to write because I feel like lately with little to no engagement in my fics that I've become kind of dare I say 'irrelevant' in the fandom world and that makes me sad. It makes me think that my writing just flat out sucks and to be honest blocks me in a lot of ways asking to myself "What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong and why don't people enjoy what I'm doing? Where did I wind up taking this wrong turn and just flopping in general?" That voice has gotten so strong lately that I finally just decided after having the story up for less than 12 hours with lots of views but literally NO engagement other than a bot, I deleted the story deciding it must be trash so what's the point in posting it? I tried to rationalize that maybe I posted it at the wrong time, maybe it just doesn't have an audience or maybe it's just me because I was literally blasted out of a fandom because someone who was mentally draining me and projecting their negativity decided it was time to oust me and the other one I tried to join apparently hates my very existence, so that on top of you know repeated trolling over over 6 months by someone who hates a ship I tried too hard to join fandom in and really become a part of with my enthusiasm and trying to reach out to other fans, but constantly feeling rejected has left me in this place where I no longer feel like I'm good at creating. Where I should just quit and let others take over because I'm no longer wanted or needed in fandom and that quite honestly sucks. On so many levels, but at this point I've exhausted my options I think, so I'm just done. I'll bow down and let fandoms have fun without me because it's clearly what the desired outcome is in terms of writing. So yeah not the right response to this or one that probably anyone really cares about anyway, but I get it. I'm drowning in those thoughts and it sucks especially in a world where life is depressing enough and the real world is so draining. Fandom should be fun and welcoming, but lately...it just feels like it's not no matter how many times I've tried to blend in, so yeah I get it.

Just know to everyone else (ignoring my own woes/pity party here) you are valid and talented and you deserve to create and explore your art and writing and you are good enough! You grow with the more you do and each day you're a better version of you, so don't let those voices take you under even if it feels like you're outside of something you love looking in. You are valid and important in what you do and I hope you remember that!

please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts

[septembersghost]

do you feel like your mental health is better when you're not engaging with ************ anymore? I am trying to distance myself on my blog but it's a hard transition for me and you were there a lot longer. I really like seeing others random and interests and things because the love you have for them shows so much ❤ I feel like I need tips to branch out maybe? you don't have to post this you don't feel up to it!

to be honest, my mental health is Extremely Bad due to entirely other factors that have zero to do with that, and maybe ironically are so bad and dire that it's made that feel irrelevant, though (as you probably saw last week oops) i am very sensitive and soft-hearted, so i still get easily hurt by bullying and the fandom situation itself. that said, it is for sure better for me to have space from it these days (even in the awful physical and mental and life issues i currently am enduring, having distance from that is ultimately a positive and i find the more i have, the more objective it makes me and the less i miss it. which feels kind of scarily grown up, tell this to the me of any point before this year and she'd probably think it was upsetting, or a loss. it IS a loss, in a way, but it's also a recovery. separating a bit from things that are damaging us is needed at times). tbh it would be very easy to quit posting it altogether except i do by habit and i have tons of stuff saved, plus trusted mutuals, so i don't have to go looking for it, which means i never have to engage directly anymore or look at tags, and that's for the better.

in regards to changing content, i've been open about the fact that this blog was initially a desperate coping mechanism and a way of dealing with stuff, so the hyperfocus was different, but as time has passed and i've unexpectedly gotten to spend more of it here than i thought i'd have, i've been able to release that and relax a bit and bring more of a kaleidoscope in. it's still not exactly as reflective of me or as curated for a variety of things and more purposefully aesthetically built like my old blog was, but i do feel more at ease and more of a sense of authenticity and comfort with a variety of things i love. thank you for your sweet comment about that too! 💕

the good news is this - your blog is YOURS! you can post whatever you want! whatever makes you happy! so if you need a break from one certain thing or want to start blogging about victorian button collections and cute animal videos, there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't! you're not obligated to post anything for an audience (i know that can be hard to remember, my anxiety catches on this all the time, but it's your space! this is our place, we make the rules, as someone once wrote. <333) the friends who care about you and enjoy your presence will stick around, and it's most important that you're looking out for your well-being. it's your garden to tend and your beautiful blossoms to grow.

[oldmonstermusings]

"btw I don't dislike Taika Waititi. Like I can critique people's choices and not hate/dislike/ them." Noone said you hated him. That's not even the problem here, it's irrelevant if you like him or not. The problem is that you just casually called him anti-black, stating it as if it's some factual thing. And people, who are on the ofmd tag, can just see your post, and some might not question it, just think that 'oh I didn't know Taika was anti-black? I guess I am going to think that now because someone just stated it so matter-of-factly'. That's why people are trying to amend what you said with evidence, so that people don't possibly assume that this man, who's shouldering half of the POC, LGBTQ and kiwi representation in all current media, is anti black people.

Okay, I can see how that was wrong of me. How can I amend that? Should I tag this ofmd? Or should I delete the original post? (Not being sarcastic, just trying to fix my mistake).

Deleted the original post to stop it from being reblogged. So I'll write it here and tag the Fandom. I made some incorrect assumptions about Taika Waititi being anti-black because of the representation I wasn't seeing in what I thought were majority his works. That was wrong of me to label a whole show just because I wanted something. A lot of anons have engaged with me and informed me how I was wrong. And I need to do better. So I wanted to correct my mistake by informing the Fandom I was wrong and we should support the shit out of ofmd. I'm gonna go back to reblogging about it. Kbye.

[mittensmorgul]

Incoming sad rant about the spn ending. Don't read if you're not interested in reading something like that, but I literally don't know anyone in real life I can talk about this with, and I really need an outlet:

Sometimes I can put the way SPN ended out of my head and think "it's just a stupid show. I don't have to accept the finale, and the writers/network are wrong." But other times I just get gripped with really intense sadness at the disrespect that was done to my favorite characters. To the point where I'll sit still for hours a day, just wallowing in it. It ruins my whole day and mood. And then I think to myself "I'll just find some other stories that end better!" but then I get sad again, cuz I don't think I will ever love other characters as much as I love Dean and Cas, and then I spiral again thinking about all the potential this unique beautiful love story had, and how we're never going to get the closure we deserve.

I really hate that after all this time, I'm a grown ass adult getting sad over fictional characters. I know it's not that trivial, but I sometimes wish it was so I could get over it 😞

Hi hi, and first of all *socially distanced internet hugs* I’m sorry you don’t have an outlet, but you’re always welcome to chat with me (if you come off anon we can talk privately if you want. My DM’s are always open, even when it takes me a bit to reply. no one should have to feel alone in this.)

I’m actually gonna start at the bottom of your message and work my way up, because I also, as a grown-ass adult, get sad over fictional characters. And I need to emphasize that this is the *point* of fiction. A well-written and developed fictional character is *indistinguishable in our minds from an actual real human being.* The way we react to them *feels exactly the same to our brains and bodies* as how we react to real people, and that’s a testament to just how well developed Dean and Cas were in canon.

I am not a young person. I have engaged with a lot of media over my life, and have *never* felt this strongly about fictional characters before, so I understand what you mean when you struggle to think about finding another story that ended better, or struggle to think about finding other characters you might become this attached to or experience this sort of emotional investment in. And I think there is another factor you didn’t consider there: The vast majority of other media I have engaged with, I was able to relate to on a level of “oh that’s nice for them” or “wow that sucks for them.” I have never, and possibly never will again, feel so utterly invested in fictional characters, to the point where it affects my real life as much as Supernatural has. Period.

I will likely never experience *literal physical lovesickness* over two fictional characters ever again. I hadn’t ever experienced it *in my own real life* before, and yet 15.18 triggered all those symptoms in me. As an aromantic person, this was pretty shocking to me. It also says a lot about just how real these characters feel to us, and how important they have become to us. They make us feel this! This is not an accident. It’s *incredibly difficult* to create fictional characters with this range and depth of emotional connection, and yet here we are.

I think that’s the biggest evidence possibly to present in defense of the statement that THIS IS NOT JUST SOME STUPID SHOW.

Other evidence: this fandom, still going strong after 15 years. Look at every SPN convention for proof. Look at AO3, where there are more posted stories about Dean and Cas than literally any other pairing on the planet (by a not-small margin, too). If that isn’t enough evidence, we have fanart to look at as well. Look through @theroadsofararchive where at the time of this posting there are over 40,000 artworks catalogued, and more being added all the time. Same with @canonspngifs where you can search through through nearly 75,000 gifsets organized by an excellent tagging system and made by dedicated fans out of love for the thing. This is all proof that you are not alone, that so many of us care just as deeply about them as you do. Not even mentioning the people who have written hundreds of millions of words of meta, articles, and even masters theses and doctoral dissertations on Supernatural and the fandom. This is a unique thing, even within the larger fandom culture. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your feelings for it are stupid or irrelevant or wrong.

But also don’t let anyone try to convince you that you must accept the finale as part of the story if you don’t want to. Don’t even let *yourself* believe that if you don’t want to. This show has done more to play with the themes of “what is reality” and “who gives a story meaning” and alternate universes and curses and djinn dreams to easily account for whatever the heck the finale was.

my current go-to theory: everything after Chuck’s defeat takes place in the Mockumentary Alternate Universe... it fits way too uncomfortably well... and then I just apply the fic I received in a cosmic transmission from the actual supernatural universe wrote detailing the events of what *I* hoped would transpire afterward. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me, mostly because it *has* to. It means far too much to me not to.

You are not alone in having invested yourself into this story, and these characters. Your feelings about them are not wrong or stupid or frivolous. And the proof is everyone else who feels the same exact way, who connected to this story (and to each other through this story), and whose lives have been forever altered through this journey together. The fact that Dabb turned out to have been Chuck Junior and couldn’t see (or was prevented from showing us) what Team Free Will would’ve chosen to do with that after defeating their original creator just stands to prove to me that the finale can’t possibly be The Truth, you know?

I don’t know if any of this will help you, or provide you some small comfort right now, but maybe it will eventually. We’re all processing the loss of the show and the abject failure of story that was the finale in different ways, and I’m sure our emotional reactions will shift over time. It was just A Lot to process all in the span of a few incredibly emotional weeks-- not even mentioning how all of that emotional response was compounded by the american elections and surrounding nonsense, the general stress of enduring a global pandemic and all that entails, and *waves hands around broadly at everything else contributing to the trauma occurring in the collective of humankind right now.* We’ve all been emotionally compromised, so be kind to yourself in how you feel you’re coping with it all.

And know that no matter what, you are not alone in how you’re feeling. The grief is real, and our brains don’t care if it’s felt for fictional characters or real people. This was honestly a once in a lifetime experience for a lot of us, and not even the wtf of the finale can kill it for us if we don’t let it. I reject that particular piece of rusty rebar and choose to believe in a just and narratively coherent resolution. To do anything less feels like dishonoring the story and characters who have drawn me in and made me feel so much for them over the years. If the story itself couldn’t honor them properly, then I can choose to do so myself.

<3

[a-froger-epic]

The Queen fandom, Freddie Mercury and Characterisation

Or: Why are those anons like this? Why are those writers like this? Why don't we understand each other?

In this essay, I will-

No, I’m serious, I will. And this is an essay. It’s roughly 2500 words.

The friction, concerns and hurt in fandom around Freddie’s characterisation - most recently centred around a fic the author tagged as ‘Bisexual Freddie Mercury’, stating in the notes that they have chosen to write Freddie as bisexual - have given me a lot to think about. And if you have been asking yourself the questions above, this here might be of interest to you.

First off, why do I feel like I need to talk about this?

The answer is not: Because I’m so very influential in fandom.

I think my influence in this fandom has been vastly overstated by some people. If I were so influential, everybody would rush to read anything I rec or write. And trust me, they really don’t. My relevance is confined to a very specific part of the fandom. That part is made up of: Freddie fans, Froger shippers, some Roger fans, a handful of writers who like to support each other and like each other’s work, and people who are really into research.

There are many parts of fandom where my opinions are entirely irrelevant. Looking at the big picture, by which I mean only the Queen RPF fandom, I simply am not that important. Looking at the even bigger picture: the Queen fandom as a whole, the majority of which doesn't read or care about RPF - I am literally nobody.

Furthermore, everything I will be talking about here is in relation to the RPF-centred part of Queen fandom.

So why this public essay?

Because I have been deeply involved for two years in a divide of opinions concerning how Freddie ought to be written and how people think of RPF. I think this is in large part because I - like several other authors currently writing for the fandom - absolutely love research. It's my idea or fun. I love to dig into these real people’s lives. Not everybody does that and not everybody is comfortable with that. It’s a personal choice depending on people's levels of comfort surrounding RPF. But this does put me firmly in the camp of Freddie fans who like to explore who this man really was, and track down every last fact about him.

Freddie Mercury vs. Fictional Freddie

I’ll admit that I am one of those people who have the urge to speak up when they see somebody claim that Freddie was bisexual, and sometimes I will say: “Well, actually, we do know that he didn’t see himself that way, because…” For me, these have often been positive exchanges.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that Freddie Mercury identified as gay from his split with Mary to the end of his life (wonderfully curated here by RushingHeadlong). In the niche of fandom I have frequented over the last two years, as far as Freddie the real man is concerned, I have barely ever seen anybody argue with this.

But fanfiction and talking about real Freddie are not one the same thing, and they shouldn't be, and as far as I am concerned they don't have to be. Some writers like to put every last fact and detail they can find into their fic, in an attempt to approach a characterisation that feels authentic to them (and perhaps others), and other writers are simply content to draw inspiration from the real people, writing versions vaguely based on them.

But writing historically and factually accurate RPF is more respectful.

Is it? I've thought about this for a long time, and I really can't agree that it is. This, to me, seems to presume that we know what kind of fiction these real people would prefer to have been written about them. That, in itself, is impossible to know.

However, if I imagine Freddie reading RPF about himself, I think that he might laugh himself silly at an AU with a character merely inspired by him and may be really quite disturbed by a gritty, realistic take full of intimate details of and speculations about his life and psyche. Such as I also tend to write, just by the by, so this is definitely not a criticism of anybody. Freddie is dead. Of all the people to whom the way he is written in fiction matters, Freddie himself is not one. There is no way to know what Freddie would or wouldn't have wanted, in this regard, and so it isn't relevant.

Personally, I can't get behind the idea that speculating and creatively exploring very intimate details of Freddie's life, things he never even spoke of to anybody, is in any way more respectful than writing versions of him which take a lot of creative liberties. As I've said so many times before, I think either all of RPF is disrespectful or none of it is.

So who cares about Freddie characterisation in fiction anyway?

Clearly, a lot of people do. Freddie Mercury was an incredibly inspiring figure and continues to be that to a multitude of very different people for different reasons. There are older fans who have maybe faced the same kind of discrimination because of their sexuality, who saw Freddie's life and persona distorted and attacked by other fans and the media for decades, who have a lot of hurt and resentment connected to such things as calling Freddie bisexual - because this has been used (and in the wider fandom still is used) to discredit his relationship with Jim, to argue that Mary was the love of his life and none of his same sex relationships mattered, to paint a picture where "the gay lifestyle" was the death of him. And that is homophobic. That is not right. I completely understand that upset.

But.

These are not the only people who care about Freddie and for whom Freddie is a source of inspiration and comfort. What about people who simply connect to his struggles with his sexuality from a different angle? What about, for example, somebody who identifies with the Freddie who seemed to be reluctant to label himself, because that, to them, implies a freedom and sexual fluidity that helps them cope with how they see their own sexuality? Is it relevant why Freddie was cagey about labelling himself? Does it matter that it likely had a lot to do with discrimination? Are his reasons important? To some degree, yes. But are other queer people not allowed to see that which helps them in him? Are they not allowed to take empowerment and inspiration from this? Can you imagine Freddie himself ever resenting somebody who, for whatever reason, admired him and whose life he made that little bit brighter through his mere existence, however they interpreted it? I honestly can't say that I can imagine Freddie himself objecting to that.

This is the thing about fame. Anyone who is famous creates a public persona, and this persona belongs to the fans. By choosing that path, this person gives a lot of themselves to their fans. To interpret, to draw inspiration from, to love the way it makes sense to the individual. Please remember, at this point, that we are talking about how people engage with Freddie as a fictional character creatively. This is not about anybody trying to lay down the law regarding who Freddie really was, unequivocally. This is all about writers using his inspiring persona and the imprint he left on this world to explore themes that resonate with them.

This is what we as writers do. We write about things which resonate with us and often touch us deeply.

But don't they care about the real Freddie?

Yes, actually, I would argue that a lot of people care about "the real Freddie". It seems to me that depicting Freddie as gay or with a strong preference for men is what the vast majority of the RPF-centered fandom on AO3 already does. You will find very, very few stories where Freddie is depicted having a good time with women sexually or romantically. That he was mostly all about men is already the majority opinion in this part of fandom.

But another question is, who was the real Freddie? If the last two years in fandom have taught me anything, it is that even things which seem like fact to one person can seem like speculation to another. I have personally had so many discussions with so many people on different sides of the debate about the exact circumstances of Freddie's life and his inner world, that I must say I don't think there is such a thing as one accurate, "real" portrayal of Freddie. Even those of us who are heavily invested in research sometimes disagree quite significantly about the interpretations of sources. So that narrows "You don't care about the real Freddie" down to "You don't care about Freddie because you don't interpret everything we know about his life the exact same way I do". Sure, by that definition, very few people care about Freddie the same way you do.

The bottom line is, there are so many writers and fans who love him, people who are obsessed with him, people who care about him deeply. They might care about who they believe he really was or who he chose to present himself as to the world, the way he wanted to be seen. But ultimately, in my personal opinion, if somebody is inspired to write Freddie as a fictional character they feel that Freddie means a lot to them. And it is hurtful to accuse them of not caring.

But what some people write hurts/triggers me.

Yes, that can happen. Because the nature of AO3 is that everything is permitted. Personally, I am very much in agreement with that. You will also find me in the camp of people who are against any sort of censorship on AO3, no matter how much some of the content goes against my own morals or how distasteful I find it. Some people disagree with that, which is fine. We must agree to disagree then. Here, I would like to quote QuirkySubject from the post she made regarding this whole situation because I cannot put it better myself: “The principle that all fic is valid (even RPF fic that subverts the lived experience of the person the fic is based on) is like the foundation of [AO3]. The suggestion that certain kinds of characterisations aren't allowed will provoke a knee-jerk reaction by many writers.”

No matter how much you may disagree with a story's plot or characterisation, it is allowed on AO3. "But wait," you might say, "the issue is not with it being on the site but with people like yourself - who should care about "the real Freddie" - supporting it."

This is some of what I have taken away from the upset I have seen. And it’s worth deconstructing.

I've already addressed "the real Freddie". Moving on to...

The author is dead.

This is something others might very well disagree on as well, but to me the story itself matters far more than authorial intent. And what may be one thing according to the author’s personal definition, may be another thing to the reader. Let’s use an example. This is an ask I received yesterday:

This author thinks they were writing Freddie as bisexual. However, going by the plot of their story, I would actually say that it is largely very similar to how I see the progression of Freddie’s young adulthood. To me, personally, Freddie would still be gay throughout the story because he arrives - eventually - at the conclusion that he is. The author and I disagree on terminology only. And I think simply disagreements about terminology, given that some terms are so loaded with history in Freddie’s case, trips a lot of people up.

It seems to me that many people still equate bisexuality with a 50/50 attraction to men and women, when in actual fact many - if not most - bi/pan people would say that it is nowhere near that distribution. Some people are of the opinion that anybody who experiences some attraction to the opposite sex, even if they have a strong same-sex preference, could be technically considered bisexual. (However, sexuality isn’t objective, it’s subjective. At least when it comes to real people. What about fictionalised real people? We will get to that.)

Let's briefly return to real Freddie.

What I'm seeing is that there are several ways of thinking here, with regard to his sexuality.

1. Freddie was gay because that seems to be (from everything we know) the conclusion he arrived at and the way he saw himself, once he had stopped dating women. Therefor, he was always gay, it just took him a while to come to terms with it.

2. Freddie can be referred to as bisexual during the time when he was with women because at that time, he may very well have thought of himself thusly - whether that was wishful thinking and he was aware of it or whether he really thought he might be bisexual is not something we can say definitively. He came out as gay to two friends in 1974 on separate occassions, and he talked to his girlfriends about being bisexual. (Personally, I think here it is interesting to look at who exactly he was saying what to, but let's put my own interpretations aside.)

3. Freddie can be seen as bisexual/pansexual because his life indicates that he was able to be in relationships with both men and women and because there is nothing to disprove he didn't experience any attraction to the women he was with. Had he lived in a different time, he may have defined himself differently.

Now, I'm of the first school of thought here, personally, although I understand the second and also, as a thought experiment, the third.

I think all of these approaches have validity, although the historical context of Freddie's life should be kept in mind and is very relevant whenever we speak about the man himself.

But when we return to writing fictionalised versions of Freddie, any of these approaches should absolutely be permissible. Yes, some of them or aspects of them can cause upset to some people.

And this is why AO3 has a tagging system. This is why authors write very clearly worded author's notes. This is the respect authors extend to their readers. This, in turn, has to be respected. Everybody is ultimately responsible for their own experience on the archive.

Nobody has the right to dictate what is or isn't published under the Queen tag. As far as I am concerned, nobody should have that right. As far as I am concerned, everybody has a responsibility to avoid whatever may upset them. I understand where the upset comes from. I also maintain it is every writer's right to engage with Freddie's character creatively the way they choose to.

None of us can control how other people engage with Freddie or the fandom. None of us can control what other people enjoy or dislike about the fandom.

The best way to engage with the content creating part of fandom, in my opinion, has always been to create what brings you joy, to consume the content that brings you joy and to respectfully step away from everything that doesn't.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

This Needs To Stop.

Trigger warning: Sensitive topics, p*dopilia, grooming, mental health and r*cism. 

Ok so this is a bit of a rant so apologies for that, I usually try to stay away from sensitive or controversial topics but this is something that I am passionate about and that I think is important. Also I just want to say that I am in no way directing this to the entirety of the M*lina fandom, I know most are just enjoying their ship, but there are those few who are deliberately seeking out darklina posts or are cross tagging and coming into darklina’s asks and just generally harassing the fandom which sadly I am seeing happen more and more often. Also I do feel like this can apply to all fandoms not just exclusively shadow and bone/ grishaverse, its just this is the one I am experiencing it in right now.   

I’ve seen antis call darkling/darklina fans many problematic things, delusional, mentally ill, ab*se apologists. They also like throwing around words like grooming and p*dophile. The thing that makes me angry about this is that they are taking sensitive topics, topics that many users have been effected by and they are using them to attack shippers merely for liking a character or ship that they don’t. What is even more frustrating is they seem to be throwing these words around without evening fully understanding what they even mean. For example the claim that the Darkling is a p*dophile because Alina is only 17 in the books. Well p*dophilia is a psychiatric disorder where adults are attracted to children and in order for it to be classed as p*dophilia the child involved has to be 13 or younger. A 16 year old can be diagnosed as a p*dophile if they become attracted to a child that is five years or more younger than them. So the relationship between the Darkling and Alina does not meet the criteria to be categorised this way as Alina is over the age of 13. As for it being a case of Alina is underaged, well, for one that depends on where in the world you are. This is based on imperial russia, in russia the age of consent is 16. This means that a 16 year old can have a sexual relationship with a 30 year old, a 70 year old or a 500 year old immortal and in a court of law it is still legal, whatever your own moral issues around age gaps might be. Even then it can be argued that it is irrelevant because, as with most historical literature where young girls marry older men, you cannot put modern day concepts onto them. Like I said this story is based on Imperial Russia, the life expectancy of a person in that time was around 30 years old. That means a 15 year old girl is already half way through her life, she is literally middle aged. It is at this point usually that girls started to prepare to get married and have children and yes sometimes it was to an older man because men were expected to provide for their wife and family which means having a house and job and means to support a family which an older man was more likely to have. My point is a 15-17 year old in say Imperial Russia is not the same as a 15-17 year old in modern day therefore you can’t take modern day laws and morals and place them onto that situation, it doesn’t work, they lived completely different lives. In Alina’s world, she is at the age where girls might get married and her being courted by a man of the general’s status would have been a normal occurrence, for her to have caught the attention of someone with his standing would have been considered very advantageous for her. I mean she literally gets two marriage proposals in book 2, where I believe she is still 17, and Nikolai is talking about how if she marries him it’ll be in name only and they can make Mal her guard so she can do the horizontal tango with him whenever she feels like it, so clearly the characters themselves feel like Alina is at an age where she can, one get married, and two be engaging in a sexual relationship. 

So why does all of this matter? Well it matters because people reading these posts, asks and comments left on posts, may be victims of p*dophilia and grooming. A lot of these comments don’t have trigger warnings and when you are talking about sensitive and triggering topics like this you need to be careful and when you are talking about them without even really understanding them, and where they can’t apply to the characters you are talking about anyway, then you are potentially triggering someone needlessly because you didn’t need to be talking about it in the first place, I hope I am making sense there. I am not saying don’t talk about these subjects if you do think they are relevant, I am saying make sure you do the research, that you understand the subject you are addressing and when you do talk about it do it in a respectful manner, don’t throw it out there in an angry spew accompanied by alot of other derogatory words because that won’t help anyone.     

Another subject I want to talk about is I am also seeing a lot of posts about how darklinas must be delusional or mentally unwell. This, again, is hurtful and harmful. Mental illness for a very long time has had a stigma around it, one that makes the person suffering from it feel weak and ashamed. There was always the attitude of if you are mentally ill then there is something wrong with you, or the attitude of oh just get over it, cheer up, think a different way. But mental illness isn’t just a state of emotion its often caused by hormonal imbalances and chemicals. Genetics can also play a part. There is nothing wrong with someone who is mentally ill their brain is just wired a different way. I also find it problematic when people throw around the word delusional. Maybe its nothing to you, just a word, but alot of mental illnesses have actual delusions as one of their symptoms. These can be scary and upsetting and are outside the control of the person experiencing them. Making the suggestion that liking a particular ships means you are delusional is potentially very triggering to those who do battle delusions and have fought to overcome them. The stigma around mental illness has prevented alot of people suffering from mental illness from seeking help out of shame or embarrassment or even out of fear of being judged and although I do feel like as a society we’ve become alot more open about mental health and alot more accepting there is still a long way to go. When antis start saying things like ‘I can’t believe people ship this, they must be mentally ill,’ or ‘they must be sick in the head’, or ‘if you like this ship than you must be delusional’ not only are they being incredibly prejudice against people who have mental illnesses but it is also so harmful because if there is someone reading that post who is struggling with their mental health and are considering seeking help then you’ve just made them feel more ashamed, more like there is something wrong with them which will make them even less likely to seek out help and as I said before there isn’t anything wrong with a person who has a mental health condition they are just different from you. That doesn’t give you the right to make them feel like they are less capable of deciding what they do or do not like or even what they should or should not like to be classified as a ‘normal’ person. 

The most latest problematic statements I’ve seen have been those accusing Darklina’s of being r*cist. This one I found a bit funny in a it’s not funny kind of way. I just don’t think there is much logic behind this view point. I’m not sure I understand the antis reasoning here. Mostly because I’m pretty sure the majority of the Darklina fandom comes from the books where Mal is described as being a white, brown haired, blue eyed guy. Funnily enough the Darkling is described as being able to pass for Shu, though to be clear it isn’t confirmed that he is a POC, but out of the two in the books the Darkling is more likely to be a POC than Mal. On top of that whilst many darklina fans have made it clear they are not a fan of Mal in the books many have said they like the show version of Mal who, as we all know, the actor Archie is a POC. So by anti logic darklinas are all r*cist because they don’t like book Mal who is depicted as white but we do like show Mal who is a POC. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I do understand that there were some ‘fans’ who made inappropriate and r*cist comments to some cast members including Archie and I would never ever condone that no matter who I ship. But you also can’t condemn an entire fandom just because of the actions of a select few. I don’t judge all M*linas for that one fan who accused Ben of being a pr*dator and p*dophile because of his friendship with Jessie. Once again my point is r*cism is a serious topic and not something someone should use as a retort or comeback to someone not shipping your ship. When we use these words casually it makes it less likely that they’ll be taking seriously when they really do need to be taken seriously, when they really are relevant to what is happening. If we keep using them so casually then when we really do need to talk about them, when it really matters, people will just shrug and go ‘its just antis being antis.’ 

I think it is possible for people to like different things, to debate and analyse different relationships and characters and talk about what flaws they may have in a respectful manner. I wouldn’t say I am anti m*lina but at the same time there are things about them that I find problematic but when I talk about those things I hope I do so in a way that doesn’t demean those who do like the ship. I understand that people will have a different interpretation than me and whilst I might not understand where their thinking comes from or why they have a particular opinion I would never make the assumption that they are mentally unwell or make judgements on their character or morals. I try to think about the words I am writing. I know how easy it can be to just throw a word out there without thinking about it. I used to use the word delusional to describe fans of certain ships, but when I recognised how damaging and problematic that was I stopped and I changed my behaviour because it was never my intention to hurt others. I guess the main message I am trying to convey here is we need to be careful with our words they’re not as insignificant as we might think.                

[cozy-the-overlord]

Dances and Daggers

Summary:   The Summer Festival is upon Asgard, as is the tradition of the dagger ceremony, where each unmarried gentleman chooses a lady to bestow with the honor of carrying his dagger for the night. As Prince Thor’s betrothed, Teki’s only goal is to accept his dagger with grace and hope that her violent stepfather doesn’t find fault with her in the process. But Prince Thor is unpredictable, and when he ignores his engagement on a whim Teki finds herself in a desperate situation. Luckily, Thor isn’t the only prince in Asgard…

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Chapter 17: The Resolution

Previous Chapter  |  Next Chapter

Word Count: 2,424

Chapter Summary: Now that the truth is out, Teki and Loki navigate their way through the aftermath.

A/N: I can’t believe we’re on the second to last chapter! It blows my mind that this has gone by so quickly-- I feel like I just started posting a few weeks ago. Also, sorry this is going up about an hour later than usual-- my classes got cancelled today, so I decided to sleep in XD

Thanks for reading!

TW: Violence, child abuse

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @moumouton4 @berriemalfoy @whatafuckingdumbass @sophlubbwriting

if you want to be tagged, feel free to just send me an ask/message! :)

Read it on Ao3!

Teki stood in the center of the Throne Room, struggling not to wilt under the scrutiny of over a dozen pairs of eyes. She had always known that someday in the future she’d have to attend the King’s council meetings, but never had she thought that she would ever be the focus. The old men of Odin’s courtroom seemed to glower down at her like she was an insect they had accidentally stepped on as they bickered over what was to be done with her. Luckily, the friendly faces in the crowd were almost enough to drown out the tension.

Loki smiled encouragingly from his place at the base of Odin’s throne, rolling his eyes whenever someone said something particularly hurtful. Frigga too supported her with a warm grin. Even Thor seemed to shoot her a sympathetic glance every now and then.

Still, the council continued arguing.

“The marriage engagement is in writing. We cannot change it—”

“That writing is in blood. Would we have the daughter of a murderer as Queen?”

“We should not hold the girl accountable for the sins of her mother—”

“But what of Asgard’s reputation? What will other realms think when they learn how easy it is to cheat their way into royalty—”

“The circumstances are irrelevant. The agreement was made. To go back on it now would be to sully the word of the king—”

The last few days had been a whirlwind. Teki felt as if she had repeated the same story over and over again at least a thousand times, to a thousand different people. At first, there had been the scramble for evidence, gathering anything and everything that might be used to prove her word—the vials from her mother’s liquor cabinet, the document of dissolution that her father had been forced to write moments before his death, written statements from Völundr and Asta (the real one this time). They had even taken her father’s journal, although that had been returned to her after they decided that the unfinished letter he had written to her mother was all they needed.

But once Áslaug signed a full confession, the focus shifted. Now that she was good and caught, everyone could concentrate on capturing Osvald. He had been gone when Frigga’s guards arrived at their apartment to arrest him and hadn’t been seen since. It seemed he had caught wind that the game was up and made a run for it, a thought which terrified Teki to no end.

“Don’t worry,” Loki assured her one night, in the new rooms in the royal wing that she and Brant now occupied. “They’ll catch him before long.”

Teki only nodded as she stared out into the inky blackness beyond her window, praying to the Norns he was right.

There were also the questions popping up now, everywhere she turned. Was she still engaged to Thor? Did the marriage agreement stand if it was made under false pretenses? No one seemed to know.

Some felt that since Steinn had opposed it, and since Áslaug very clearly did not have Teki’s best interests in mind when she agreed to it, that it should not be allowed to stand. Others were quite adamant that the agreement had been signed and that it must be followed through, for better or for worse.

Of course, nobody had asked Teki what she thought should happen.

Well... that wasn't entirely true. Queen Frigga had approached her the day after her mother was arrested to talk about the whole situation, and while she didn't ask for her opinion either, the topic of her engagement had come up.

"The AllFather is not one to go back on his word," she told her. "I doubt the betrothal will be drastically changed."

Her tone was encouraging, but Teki couldn't bring herself to mirror her optimistic smile. Of course she'd still have to marry Thor. The actions of her mother would have no bearing on something that had been set in stone for nearly her entire life. She knew this. Still, a part of her, the small, hopeful part that had dared to dream of someone else in place of Thor's hand, withered at the return to reality.

The ache in her chest must have been reflected on her face because Frigga frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Teki shook her head, forcing her features back to familiar neutrality. "Of course not, Your Majesty," she said with the same artificial cheeriness. "As always, I will be honored to wed your son."

For a moment, the Queen only studied her, as if searching for something hidden behind her eyes. "Yes," she finally said, voice distant. "My son."

It didn’t even matter anymore. They’d all been going round and round in circles for what seemed like an eternity, and Teki was tired of standing there bearing the brunt of their speculation. She wished they would just sentence her to life with Thor and just end it already. It took everything in her to keep from picking at the sash of her dress in front of everyone.

But then Frigga stood, and the voices fell silent. “If I may, my King?”

Odin nodded at his wife, and Teki couldn’t help but think that he looked as exhausted with this as she was. “Please.”

She stepped forward, addressing the council directly. “If I am correct in understanding, the conflict here surrounds the question of whether Lady Tekla is suited to be Queen in light of what we now know of her mother and stepfather, yes?” A chorus of affirmative hums answered her.

The Queen smiled broadly. “Well, I believe there is a way to honor the agreement without jeopardizing the queenship.” She turned back to Odin with a respectful bow of her head. “My King, you have two sons. If Lady Tekla were to marry Prince Loki instead of Prince Thor, she’d still gain royalty, but not the throne.”

A flurry of whispers broke out across the Throne Room. For a moment, Teki thought she had misheard her. Wait, did she mean…

She whipped to Loki, who was staring at his mother with eyes were so wide they were almost bugging out of his head. When his gaze returned to Teki’s, there was a stunned sort of hope in his smile.

The King cocked his head to the side, seemingly lost in thought. He turned to his son. “Would you be willing to pursue such a course of action, Loki?” he asked.

The prince sprang up. “Yes, I would, my King. That is —” he looked back at Teki nervously. “If Lady Tekla was willing.”

The collective stare of the council flipped back once more to her.

Teki inhaled. “I—I’m willing, sire.”

“Very well.” The King motioned towards Loki, who stepped purposefully off the platform and down to her side. “Prince Loki, you will take the hand of Lady Tekla in marriage. Prince Thor, you are released from your betrothal.” He sighed. “Perhaps now we can finally lay this matter to rest.”

Teki didn’t hear the rest of what he said. Loki lifted her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckle.

“My lady,” he whispered with a breathless smile. She beamed, heart soaring higher than any wings could ever carry her.

…

Going back to their apartment was strange.

It had been decided that Teki and Brant would permanently move into the royal wing of the palace, sharing a suite until Teki married and moved into Loki’s rooms (although Frigga assured her that wouldn’t be for quite some time). Their old apartment was gutted of all items of importance to be transferred to their new rooms, leaving only its skeletal remains when Teki and Loki returned for one last look through.

There were several things Teki wanted to be sure to get. Brant’s reading notes, for one, and his unfinished map of the tunnels of the Nine Realms. She wouldn’t be giving him reading lessons anymore—he had already begun to attend proper class and was doing quite well—but he had confided in her that he still preferred her lessons. The music books gifted to her by the Queen—she was particularly excited about those, because Frigga had ordered a piano constructed just for Teki’s new sitting room.

“I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t ask you first,” she had said, almost apologetically. “I just you’d enjoy being able to play at your own discretion, without having to rely on me.”

Teki could’ve cried.

And then there was a dagger. Teki nearly had a heart attack when she checked under her mattress and found it wasn’t there, only to remember that she had shoved it in her nightstand that time her mother walked into the room.

Loki grinned when she slid it out of its sheath.

“I had wondered what you did with that,” he said. “I never saw it when I would come over.”

She laughed. “Well, I couldn’t exactly hang it from the wall.” Now that she thought of it though, it was probably a blessing that she had been forced to move the dagger to her drawer. As furious as her stepfather had been upon discovering she had taken her father’s journal, it would’ve been infinitely worse if he had realized she was also keeping a weapon under her mattress. The image of Osvald advancing towards her flashed before her eyes, this time waving a blade instead of a leather book. Teki shivered. She sheathed the dagger, placing it in the box with her other items.

They combed the apartment one last time, a cursory look-through to make sure that Teki had gotten everything she wanted to save. There really wasn’t much. It was a bit startling—this place had been her home her entire life, and yet she felt practically nothing upon saying goodbye to it forever. If anything, it was relieving, like coming to the surface to breathe after being underwater for far too long. She was ready to leave this bad dream behind.

Teki only hesitated at the downstairs table, staring at the same chair in which her father died. Loki came besides her, squeezing her hand in comfort.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing. It’s just…” She struggled to find the right words. “I ate here every single day,” she said finally. “My whole life. And I never knew what happened right next to me.” Had her father been watching in frustration from the realm beyond? Had he been begging her to ask questions, to look for him, to discover the truth as she munched on her morning toast?

Tears were pooling in her eyes once more. Teki swallowed shakily. “I should’ve done something sooner,” she whispered. “I never did anything. I just let it all happen.”

“You were a child,” Loki said softly. “What could you have done? You’ve brought justice for your father, and for you. That’s all that matters now.”

She sighed. Maybe he was right. What she did or didn’t do in the past wasn’t important. Now, her father could rest easy knowing his killer would rot in prison, her plans in tatters.

Teki hoisted her box up with one last glance about the room. “I think I’ve got everything,” she said as she headed towards the door. “Thank you for coming with me.”

“It was my pleasure,” he smiled, rushing to hold the door for her. “It seems that—”

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence.

Osvald barged his way through the doorway like a living battering ram, smacking the prince into the wooden door. Her stepfather didn’t even spare a second glance as Loki crashed to the floor. Teki barely had the chance to scream before his fist caught her in her sternum. The box flew from her hands, contents clattering across the floorboards as she fell backwards.

No sooner had her head hit the ground than Osvald was on top of her, eyes as frenzied as wildfire.

“You thought I’d let it go?” he snarled, holding her down by her shoulders with his forearm as she struggled. “You thought I’d let you fuck everything up?”

She almost didn’t see the glint of the blade in his free hand.

Norns!

Teki jerked just as the knife came down, cold metal grazing her cheek as he buried it into the floor beside her head. She grabbed for the hilt as her stepfather spat curses in her face.

Get it away from him!

He smacked her away, ripping the knife from the floorboards and stabbing towards her again. Teki braced her arms against his wrist, pushing against him with all her might, her eyes tearing up. Come on, please! Still, the tip of the blade inched forward, closer and closer and closer…

Something crashed into the two of them. One moment, her stepfather was on top of her, pinning her to the ground, the next he was on the floor next to her, thrashing wildly as Loki fought to rip the blade from his grasp. Teki rolled to her stomach, trembling as she gasped for air.

“Get help!” Loki yelled at her as the two wrestled on the ground. Osvald landed a kick to his stomach, and he hissed in pain.

Teki struggled to her feet and tried to make a run for the door. Her foot slipped on one of the papers strewn about from the box and she tripped, slamming against the floor.

Behind her, Osvald’s knife clattered to the ground. Still, they struggled.

Her legs were shaking too badly to stand. Teki crawled towards the door across the mess, unable to hear anything else over the pounding of her heart.

Without meaning to, her hand closed around the hilt of her own dagger.

Loki cried out, a short, quick gasp of pain.  Her stepfather’s footsteps vibrated deep in her stomach as he approached.

He yanked her to her feet by her collar and whipped her around, his fingers at her throat, grin wide and demented.

“Now—”

Teki buried the blade in his chest.

For a moment they just stared at it, gasping, the golden hilt crowning the fast-growing stain of crimson across his chest. He glanced up at her, icy eyes having lost their chill. Teki gaped back at him, frozen.

On the other side of the room, Loki pulled himself to his feet, eyes wide.

Her stepfather collapsed, a marionette with its strings cut, his blood splattering across the same floor he had so often beaten her against.

[mimiatmidnight]

I've said this to another Sussex blog (99% sure it was mmarkle) but you can't ignore the other brother and the other wife into irrelevancy so I don't understand why some Sussex fans get upset at people that comment their activities. They aren't a normal family, they're colonizers with an empire they shamelessly want to hold onto and their treatment of Meghan opened many people's eyes to how they see their colonies, poc, women, us normal people and more. Commenting their "work" is a must.

To add to what I said, it's one thing to tell the squad to ignore royal reporters, we can ignore them into social media irrelevancy because the Camb stans and others spend more time hating Meghan than successfully promoting their favs that need to copy her to get some attention. But you can't ignore tabloids either. Don't give them clicks but we can't bankrupt billionaires that violate human rights by being quiet. Just saying because pretending ignoring is this powerful is false and dangerous.

This is an excellent point. I think a lot of people fail to realize that the royal "fandom" is a really, really hard place to keep distinct lines between royal watching and every other kind of celebrity/stan dynamic. It's easy to say, "Well, if you don't like a person, just don't pay them any attention!" when that person is Justin Bieber and I can block him on Spotify. "Just let people enjoy things!" is also totally fine here because if people want to listen to his music, they can do so without affecting me in any way, and I can not listen to his music and do so without affecting his fans in any way. It's a beautiful relationship of mutual ignorance.

But that just doesn't apply when we're talking about, as you pointed out, one of the oldest and most powerful colonialist empires in human history, and its descendants who continue to inflict its violent values onto real-life people around the world. We can't just "mute tag" our way out of this one, folks.

I will say, however, that some people actually do regress from royal watchers back into regular stans . . . in a bad way. Like, I am the first to admit that I am not a royal watcher, I did not care about those families before Meghan entered the picture and I do not care about them now that she left it. I am a stan of hers and, unexpectedly, her husband's now. But they didn't exactly "leave the picture," did they? The Sussexes will never be able to be wholly separate from the Royal Family, and vice versa. They are, in many ways, inextricably linked. So it makes sense to always be at least slightly aware of what shenanigans the rest of that family are tangled up in. Because it often affects our couple of interest in many real ways.

But the people who just . . . hate follow the rest of the family. Not to keep abreast of their political power, not to commentate on their impact, not even to keep an interested eye on fashion or style. But to snark and be like, "Ugh, did you see Kate today? William totally ignored her, LOL! I bet he snuck into the rose bushes last night 🤪 Ew, why does she dress her kids so ugly? The way she held that shovel is pathetic." Like guys . . . at that point, you are an anti-fan. Which is your right to be, I guess, but be honest with yourself, at least. And also, don't be offended if certain kinds of Sussex stans don't want to follow that content. I really don't want to be updated every time William or Kate doing something dumb or cringe. As a person, its important to stay aware, yes. But as a stan, sometimes I just wanna see cute pictures of Meg and that's it. Everybody is free to engage with both of these sides of the coin as little or as much as they please.

It's everyone's right -- and honestly, responsibility -- to curate their own social media experience. Do so with intention.

[swamp-world]

anyways i’d like to look at Leigh Bardugo and “darklina” as a way of discussing the concept of “death of the author” when it isn’t about violent transphobia, because JoKe Rowling’s been dominating the whole conversation for the last nine months or so (and for good reason but frankly, as someone who used to be a TERF, i’ve been around this block before, i’m done talking about it, i will leave that to others). “Death of the author” isn’t just a matter of “this person does horrible things so don’t support their work”, it was initially about how you directly interact with the content of the work itself.

(this isn’t to defend LB’s writing itself. there are absolutely issues to be unpacked. i’m using this only as a discussion about how DOTA is used.)

as far as I’m aware, LB has spoken about how the darkling, and his relationship-not-relationship with alina is based off of her own relationship with an abusive former partner. my understanding of the matter is that she wrote the darkling as a creative outlet for her pain about that abuse and that experience, in ways that are obviously fictionalized and dramatized.

according to DOTA, her reasons for writing the darkling in such a way is irrelevant, and people are free to do what they will with his character, regardless of LB’s intentions. the tensions between him and alina are present, as is the attraction, and regardless of whether it’s problematic or not, it’s absolutely possible to take all of that out of the context of the novels (i am talking about the novels here mostly, as i haven’t yet seen the show), or within it, and explore it further. it’s possible to romanticize it.

a reminder:

it’s alright to like problematic ships and dynamics.

with that said:

i cannot, frankly, imagine being the author of a novel that was an expression of my abuse, seeing that abuse romanticized (fine, alright, that’s one thing), but then to see the actor cast as the character explicitly based off of an abusive partner defend the character publicly, and then to subsequently have fans weaponize that against you.

it’s a matter of competing authorial intents. obviously this isn’t the first time this has occurred; the most notable instance that comes to mind for me (in a less severe manner) is the miscommunication between harrison ford and ridley scott in blade runner over whether deckard was a replicant or not.

so the question is not a matter of who’s correct, or what your own personal interpretation is, but it’s come down to those competing authorial intents, and which one you subscribe to. on the one hand: the author who created a fictionalized version of her abusive partner. on the other: the character who portrayed that character in a derivative work. bardugo wrote the character as a villain; barnes played him as a romantic antihero. i’ve seen interviews back and forth between the two of them described as a “media cold war”.

who’s right?

realistically, neither of them. according to DOTA, you should be able to engage with those works without regard for those intents, and to make that decision for yourself.

so this instead becomes a question not of DOTA, but of the separation between content creators and their fan spaces.

i’m absolutely going to tag @meganwhalenturner in this post because she’s the best and most immediate example in my bookshelf that comes to mind. MWT has frequently denied to join fanspaces in any immediately present way, and she’s spoken about how when content creators join fanspaces, there tends to be a worship of the creator, an attempt to appeal towards them, and to want answers from them. the creator being there immediately changes the atmosphere of the place. (I believe brandon sanderson does this too. does he have tumblr? curious.)

and realistically, this needs to apply the other way around. when an author or creator puts their work out into the public sphere, when they publish or share it, they must be open to criticism and critique, to negative reviews, mixed responses, and misunderstandings or interpretations of their works that they are not a fan of. in terms of heacanons and the likes, the last two are completely valid, understandable, necessary, and must be actively allowed to exist.

at the same time:

in the same way that fans have a right to say “this is my interpretation of the work, and your canon and WOG cannot stop me, because i have a right to interpret it this way and to have my interpretation be respected, whether or not it’s correct”, creators should have a right to say “this is the way that i wrote this work, and you are allowed to have your personal interpretation of my work, but please also respect that i do have my own context and interpretation of it which i intended and tried to express through it”, and then to have that be actively respected.

what this does not mean:

you’re not allowed to ship darklina and you’re a horrible person if you do

what this does mean:

not being actively pissed off at an abuse survivor (a living, real person) for being upset when darklina is routinely defended and romanticized, including by ben barnes

NOW,

this is a lot harder because of the nature of fanspaces online these days. when there were dedicated LJ pages, other message boards and specific, closed fannish communities, it was a lot easier for a content creator and their fans to be in separate parts of the internet. with open spaces like twitter and tumblr, those boundaries are a lot more ambiguous. who has responsibility when a fan tweets about darklina, tags LB, or shares it in tags about LB’s work that LB follows? i honestly don’t know and i don’t have an answer.

but all of the anger being directed at LB, an abuse survivor, for publicly not responding well to public defence of something which is derived from her lived experiences, does not sit well with me, and i think that this is absolutely something that we as fans need to perpetually keep in mind.

[bastillewolf]

Midnight In Sheffield (VII)

Pairing: Alex Turner/Reader

Summary: When a soon-to-be-wedded insomniac author heads back home to visit her parents, she comes across the likes of a mysterious musician whilst on her sleepless escapade in the AM.

Notes: I took a bit longer to write this chapter, and thank you all so much for the patience. If you didn’t know yet; I got accepted into a writing school! I can’t express the gratitude I feel right now, I owe it all to you. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy.

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list!

Chapter VII - I Wanna Be Yours

Her feet dragged across the pavement, and this time they showed no hesitance because they knew exactly where they were going.

She didn’t find the building she was looking for the first corner she rounded, so she took a detour, until the lights seemed to change and the asphalt disappeared and she nearly tripped over the uneven brick road. A group of men turned their heads when they’d heard her swear loud enough she was sure she’d woken up the deaf grandma that lived in the attic at the end of the street.

As soon as she met his eyes in the pub, she wasted no time do drag him away from a very confused Matt, out to the hallway where the bathrooms were. They were occupied by couples doing, well, what you can imagine they were doing, as well as ladies trying to not-so-subtly sniff a questionable substance from its counters, but she couldn’t be bothered right now. Alex didn’t seem surprised to see her, and it irritated her how calm he was while she was practically having a mental breakdown.

“Guess who I met this morning,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

He raised a brow disdainfully, almost offended by the way she was manhandling him and throwing vague questions at him. But she didn’t waver, so he thought he’d humour her anyway. “The wedding planner? I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to be a bit more specific,” he replied.

“Oh, I’ll be a bit more specific,” she ground out, “I was just about to head down for breakfast, when I found that my mum had guests over. A couple, about her age, people I’d never even met before. But somehow, they seemed familiar to me.”

Alex hesitated. He had a feeling where this was going, yet remained silent.

“That’s when I learned their last names. Turner. And they told me all about their missing son, and how he hadn’t even left a note saying he was leaving, and how worried they were. That the only reason they hadn’t called the police yet was because you’d pulled off stunts like this before. But that now, you’ve been gone for years. Without a word.”

“I don’t think it’s any of your business, really-“

“Oh, don’t you fucking start with me, Turner. You made it my business when you started interfering with mine.”

It took her a moment to realize why her mouth was tingling. He had his lips pressed against hers, and they were warm and inviting. He tasted like what she’d expected him to this time around; expensive whiskey with a hint of smoke. His eyes were closed, and without those piercing brown orbs staring back up at her, she almost thought she was kissing someone else.

Hang on a minute.

She shoved him back, “You can’t just do that!”

He raises his eyebrows innocently. “Why not?”

“You’re trying to distract me!”

“Whether or not you get distracted by me is irrelevant, love. I was just hoping we could have a good time, and I was, until you nearly knocked me off my feet and dragged me out into some dirty hallway.”

She glared at him, “You deserved that. I’m engaged.”

Looking across the hall and around the bar, he casually shrugged. “I don’t see him anywhere. And I certainly didn’t hear you complaining last night.”

She felt it at the pit of her stomach when faced with reality; a deep, underlying sense of guilt. What had happened between her and Alex, was something she hadn’t ever felt before. And that scared her senseless. It shouldn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. And she had to make it very evident to him, that this could not go on this way. She had Mark, ad he was all she needed. He didn’t deserve this. Neither of them did.

“Alex, what happened yesterday, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let it get to that point, and I’m sorry I led you to believe that I felt that same interest in you that you have for me. It can’t happen again, and I hope you understand.”

He seemed indifferent, but his words were harsh as he took a step closer to her, up until the point where she could feel his hot breath fanning across her already burning cheeks. “You can blame it on wedding nerves, or insomnia, or insecurities all you want, love. But I think you and I both know that last night really meant something. I can’t blame you for lying to me, I really don’t mind. I’ve had enough lies thrown at me before. The thing is, though, I won’t let you lie to yourself. You’re better than that, smarter than that. And most importantly, you deserve better than to be in a situation where you have to lie to yourself to not give into those feelings.”

“Alex-“

“I’ll tell you all about my parents. About what’s going on. About why everything seems to be stuck in time when the moon finally hits the sky. I’ll tell you, but only if you’ll tell me how you really feel.”

“I…” She hesitated.

All she could think about was that night Mark walked away from her. She thought of how sad her mother would be to hear she wouldn’t get married after all. She thought of Rachel and James, who would be telling her they told her so, and then laugh about it all behind their back.

She thought of what might happen to her if Mark wasn’t there. How was she going to get around?

She thought of all that time wasted, trying to make something work that might not have ever been intended to work at all.

“…I don’t know what to feel right now.”

She looked up at him in search for answers, but he wasn’t willing to give her any.

“I feel… scared, confused… and most of all, fucking tired.”

She was glad to see the corner of his mouth quirk up at that at the very least, and comforted when he slung his arm around her shoulders, and said, “Let’s go get you a coffee, then.”

 ***

Alphonse was a trained chef from years of hard work at the cook’s school in Paris. He knew how to make any dish, in any way, shape or form, and most importantly; how to make one with love. It might sound cheesy, but everyone knows that’s the key ingredient to a successful meal.

Alphonse was very good at cooking and working with love. He was also very good with the ladies, if he was allowed to say so himself. But he had to admit, his temperament was short, and he was awfully bad at being patient with people who were subconsciously withholding affection from one another.

So, when Mr. Turner had stepped back into the restaurant with his Cherie asking for a cup of coffee and looking mighty burdened with heavy topic, he scraped back his chair, and stormed off into the kitchen to angrily grind some coffee beans.

“Is he all right?” she wondered, as she hung her coat over her chair.

Alex shrugged it off.

Furthermore, even though their cups nearly cracked from the force Alphonse smacked them onto their table with, the restaurant was as quiet as ever at this hour.

“I suppose I’ll leave you to it, then,” the chef grumbled, and strutted back into his kitchen.

She turned back to the steaming dark liquid, trying to focus her attention on the swirls her spoon were creating instead of the tense feelings she got from being alone with Alex once more.

“It’s a long story,” he finally spoke up, “But I need you to look at me while I tell it.”

She did as asked.

 ***

“When we were still in school, we’d already started the band. Played a few gigs here and there. Managed to catch the eye of a record company once someone had put some of our demos online. We got lucky, and managed to release a few albums with them. But fame isn’t all that fun anymore when your last record flopped and your manager is trying to sell you out.

I’d gone home for a few weeks to think things through; what I wanted to do with what was left of my career. So I went for a walk, late at night.”

She gave him a knowing look, and he nodded conformingly.

“I met Miles at Mardy’s. A pub I’d never seen before, in a street I’d never walked through. I thought I’d seen all of Sheffield when I was younger, but it turns out I was wrong. For when the clock strikes an uncertain hour, and you watch the ground shift beneath your feet when you’re not paying attention, you walk right into what appears to be a glorified version of the twenties.”

She recalled their gig on that night she’d also met Miles. “So your guitars…”

“I’d just taken them from home,” he confirmed, “No electric guitars invented yet at that time, so I had to bring them myself. Strangest thing is, the people don’t question it at all. They just think it’s another fancy new instrument that hasn’t officially hit the market yet.”

“So, what? You just decided to continue your life at night here?” she asked.

“It was simpler. I don’t have to run from the paparazzi, or do interviews where people question my sanity all the time, or get dragged for who I date or knock about with. We released an album with instruments and music that’s way ahead of its time here, and we’re seen as legends. It’s as simple as that.”

“But, Alex… I think this album could easily hit the top charts in the regular world.”

He scoffed, “They said that about our last album. And the one before that. And when they don’t do as well as you’d expect them to, people will say it’s ‘underrated’, but you know deep inside you could’ve done better.”

“Music is about more than just hitting the top charts,” she reminded him.

“I know. Yet it appears that the feeling of validation through it has left a bigger mark on me than I had expected. I expected more from my own music, and was disappointed when I couldn’t deliver. I’ve finally found a place where everyone enjoys my music again.”

“So, what? You just decide to spend the rest of your life here, a fantasy world in an attempt to hide from reality? From your family, all the people who care about you?”

“It’s not as simple as that.”

“It’s not as simple? I think you just made it very clear how simple this all really is,” she said.

“Matt thought the same thing. Until he started playing with us for the first few nights, and even he was convinced. It’s hard to explain. It’s why he didn’t want you to stay around for too long when we hung out in the pub. This place gets to you.”

“He was just convinced after a few good shows?”

“I don’t think you understand,” he said, “If you stay here too long, if you spend too many nights in this version of Sheffield, you won’t be as willing to leave. It’s like an addiction; a place where all your dreams come true, if only for a little while, a few hours maybe. But you just can’t stay away from it. Once it takes hold of you, you can’t escape.”

Her brows furrowed. “What are you trying to say? You’re stuck here like this forever?”

His eyes cast downwards. “I couldn’t say. But I’ve never had good reason to leave.”

Her heart was swelling in her chest. “And what if you did have a reason?”

“What?”

“What… What if I wanted you to leave… with me?”

It was as if a spark flashed in his eyes, but then quickly snuffed out. “Don’t do that,” he huffed, “Don’t give me hope. You should be out there, living your life without chasing after the ghost of a man and blaming it on your insomnia.”

She took hold of his hand across the table, and squeezed it tightly, too afraid he’d take off if she didn’t. “I should be out there, living my life. But so should you. You’ve made me feel things I thought I was unable to feel, and I wouldn’t have experienced any of this if it wasn’t for you. You can still escape from this, Alex. I know you can. I can’t do this without you.”

“It’s not that simple, love.”

“Why not?”

“You shouldn’t want me.”

“Don’t you want me, then?”

His brown orbs lit up passionately, as he leaned forwards and captured her lips in a kiss. “Of course. I want to be yours,” he muttered.

He deepened the kiss, gliding his tongue against her bottom lip suggestively. She opened her mouth and her tongue met his, sliding against it and drawing a quiet moan from her throat. He held her cheek in his hand and slid his thumb over her soft skin gently.

When she pulled back, she had finally made up her mind. “I need to speak with Mark.”

*** @alexbandguy86​​​​ @bettyschwallocksyee​​​​ @fookingsummertime​​​​​ @juicebox-baby​​​​@darksydork7​​​​ @edgythought​​​​ @ssadderdaze​​​​​ @h0twasabi​​​​​ @rogerseyeliner​​​​​ @arctic-monkcys​ @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo​ @rosemallowss​