#i am sure jon still is deeply in denial about his feelings

[miyuskye]

I know I'm reading too much into it, but the way Jon corrects himself, forces to correct himself to call Elias- Jonah really gets to me.

He doesn't do that at the beginning of s5, but around the middle he starts correcting himself and, soon after, Martin does too. They spend all of their time together so I'm thinking that he's either picking up after Jon or he just started doing it when Jon wouldn't stop correcting him if he did not. But he does so in a more uncaring way, like it doesn't really matter, to him, what name they're calling their enemy.

Both Martin and Georgie don't mind which name they give to Jonah, they just want to get rid of the mess he's done and go back to their old world.

Jon, on the other hand, is so stuck on punctuating that he is, Jonah Magnus, as if calling him with a different name might help him distancing from someone he cared for and respected a long time ago. In his dialogue with Georgie he really wants Jonah to be called by his name and surname, as if he is trying to separate the two people in his head. It's probably because he has already reasoned that Jonah Magnus is evil, he concluded that halfway around S3, if I remember correctly. He wants to stick the evil label onto a man he trusted, so that he can give a reason to why he was betrayed. So that it hurts a little less.

I think that Jon felt, of course, betrayed by Elias, by a man he still turned to when he needed help, even after knowing his crimes. And a little part of me wants to believe that Jon would have sat with him if he wasn't so good-hearted at his core. He surely was envious, by his admittance via Martin's words, of his state after the Eyepocalipse...

[catofoldstones]

hi i'm still here :) those things about fandom denying theorizing about jonsa just bothered me heavily since fans accepted almost every theory under the sun but hypothetical j0nsa is where they draw the line they accepted curtain of light theory and 3 heads of the dragons saving the world for years before a hypothetical cousin marriage/bethrodal that ties a lot of plot threads and themes together and resolves so much of the missing plot pieces from the show, i might not personally like it cause of the incest implications but im also consistent with hating all jon's incest ships and still keeping an open mind about j0nerys and j0nsa on a storytelling basis but j0nsa is a theory that intrigued me so much because it did make sense from the drafts,the fact that sansa will end up at winterfell with the vale army by the time jon wakes up and changes into who knows what (again fans straight up ignoring which stark is actually the closest to winterfell will never not make me laugh) to the many gothic literature and historical references george takes to especially the ashford theory thats so unavoidable i call fans extremely blind for being this in denial that it might happen as a plot point and since aegon is most likely going to be busy with dorne/cersei/dany or euron and most likely die in the south (rip son) i highly doubt sansa will tie into his plot unless thats the last targ suitor she's supposed to be betrothed with and again its kinda a big nothing theory to me cause sansa going south would be repetitive and its already been debunked with the AFFC draft leaks unless aegon wants a claim to the north which again im pretty sure he'll be engaged to arianne for martell points and allyship (also her being engaged to a secret fake bastard heir was already done with joffrey and it being completely reversed with j0n feels more complete as an end point to that theory/arc there's no way george would pass that up).

i also don't think this is all jon and sansa have to offer as characters,its what bothers me with other ship fans as well i like them as separate characters and i also feel like looking at the story, if it were to happen i don't believe it would be a fairytale romance or ending or be anytype of normal relationship, i might even be completely wrong and j0nsa might never come up (also feel like george would be wary of doing this now when media literacy is at an all time low but fandom toxicity is high as the heavens), both sansa and jon fandom theories have been through a rollercoster over the years im just happy that fans finally have theories that actually makes sense storytelling wise and not something for wish fulfillment but bias still runs amok in the fandom unfortunately and it still clouds a lot of convo about the characters and plot theories

sorry for rambling in your inbox again

Hello :3 nice to see you again

anon can I call you soulmate anon because every sentiment you’ve portrayed here is exactly what I believe too! I like jonsa too because it’s v compelling and it has good evidence to back it up, but I’m really iffed up because of the incest too. Well not because I’m a pearl-clutching puritan but because it’s not fair to Sansa tbh, as a teenaged girl in a deeply patriarchal society. If she’s the girl in grey who runs away to Jon for protection, it’ll not be as a friend who’s seeing another friend after a long time, it’ll be because she wants protection from her brother. Then comes in the question of her claim to Winterfell. If she marries Jon to smooth out the inheritance crisis, the North would still belong to Jon & not Sansa. They will not be equal in that marriage or as the lord and lady of Winterfell. However, there are far, far too many indications of a jonsa match, textually and subtextually, which I am right there with you anon, are so compelling! It would only be a blind man to not see them. And the fandom collectively vehemently denying jonsa is v funny to me because it sounds so much like

“Do you believe women are humans?”

“Yes”

“Do you believe women should have the same rights as men?”

“Yes, absolutely!”

“So you are a feminist.”

“Eww, no.”

Like, the text is glaringly pointing at something with air raid sirens and neon red lights, but what could it mean, hmm 🤔 Like c’mon guys my cat could figure out what’s going on at this point.

Though, I do believe that the Ashford Targaryen suitor could be Aegon VI for Sansa. While a lot of people believe that Aegon will marry/betrothe Arianne for that Dorne support but that doesn’t make sense to me because

1. It’s like Sansa would marry into the Tully family for support to take back the North

2. The Dornish are already burning to avenge Elia

3. Arianne is the heir to Dorne in her own right (and has had major plot around that), marrying the next King of the 7 kingdoms hardly makes sense for her.

BUT Aegon & Arianne’s plots are barreling towards each other and they very well might just get married to secure another plot point that I cannot think of right now. And I know that Aegon is doomed and Arianne survives (George, pls or else 🔪🔪) so that’s another reason why Aegon & Sansa can’t happen. And Jon being the Targeryen suitor holds so much more literary weight than a rando who has never had an impact on her or her emotions or her plot (apart from your brilliant points). Also, no I am not debating the “Dunk disturbed the Ashford Tourney so Sxn/dxr is the one for Sansa” because we’ve debated to death that even being granted the title of Maid does not mean anything like a betrothal in Westerosi society or has negative consequences (r + l & that whole war it started). Also, just because Dunk got in the middle of the Tourney does not mean that he got the girl in the end. Hope that helps. Moreover, Dunk’s asoiaf corollary is Brienne not sxn/dxr, so by their logic, briensa ftw!!!!!!!!!!

Anon, the way everyone ignored the affc outline just because it showed something the Sansa fandom had been (rightly) theorising for years now has me rolling on the floor 😂 the denial, the denial is so strong with these people, even the “neutrals”. Don’t even get me started on the BNFs. If something like this were leaked about xrya or dxny, it would have been front page news that breaks the asoiaf fandom containment lol.

Stark closest to Winterfell and takes north! C’mon now anon, don’t give these people a heart attack.

Yes well, there have been one too many people in this fandom (as is common in any other fandom *cough* jxnxryas *cough*) to reduce the characters to the ship but the block button is my lord and saviour. Shipping is so that we can bring out the best (or the worst) character traits in the people we’re shipping, not to water down the said character traits.

There’s a chance that jonsa doesn’t happen in the books or happens just in the subtext or whatever, and I’ll be fine with that as long as the stories for both Jon and Sansa have satisfying and empathetic progression. Though I would terribly like for it to happen just to dunk on the haters and the BNFs and the “skeptics” lol. I am trying to be a better person these days, but pettiness is my second daughter 🤪 and to add to this point, if jonsa doesn’t happen, that still won’t erase the heavy foreshadowing we’ve been seeing in the text till now. If some other ship had the Ashford theory, the Byronic connection, JONnel Stark marrying a girl named xrya or an ancestor Sansa Stark marrying a -whoever- in their lineage, the plot satisfaction, the narrative parallels, the textual connection, it would be considered canon by now. But no, since it’s Jon x Sansa and that is still somehow a pretty strong contender for breaking all your ships, they will close their eyes and call it a crack ship. Baby a crack ship is me and Oscar Isaac or Sasuke and Taylor Swift. But if Sasuke and Taylor had all of this evidence, it would, once again, be considered canon. Sigh, just take your Sansa hatred elsewhere man, we’re not in 2006 anymore.

Dude, I found older forums/metas a while back and there is nowhere that Sansa was mentioned w/o sxn/dxr. Sxn/sxn was just a given. It was canon, it was always going to happen and that’s just so reductive tbh. I’m v v grateful that the meta and fandom spaces (maybe just a small corner but that is enough for me) have evolved so much through the years otherwise I would get beaten here every day. It’s still toxic as hell though, with the level of trash metas that will give early asoiaf fandom a run for its money and at one point you just want to scream- you all realise that these are books, right? and we’re the readers! you’re not dxny or jon or tyrion or even fleabottom ragpickers! none of this is real 😭 i should not be coming here, armoured and with a sword, to defend my fav characters, i should be having fun here and exchanging stupid ideas 😭 but asoiaf fandom remains asoiaf fandom however well the ways of hating may have changed.

But please, always ramble in my ask box anon. I love reading your thoughts and it gives me a chance to ramble as well :)

[thedreadvampy]

look it's very simple most main cast tma characters (except possibly Basira and Sasha and MAYBE Tim) are reacting to not just supernatural trauma but clear, explicit childhood trauma and I think that's important to take into consideration.

Jon evidently came from a difficult place in the first place, and he was taught that he was an unwanted annoyance who'd derailed his grandma's life, that his intelligence was unpleasant, arrogant and inconvenient, and that the worst thing he could do was get in a grown-up's way. Of course he's bad at talking to people about his feelings. Of course he apologises for seemingly random things and tries to hide big problems and power through on his own. He had a really lonely childhood where he felt like an inconvenience, and now in adulthood it's deeply difficult to believe that anybody will help him and not hold it against him. Of course he comes across staid and aloof - he doesn't believe that anyone will like him if he isn't Doing Everything Right. It's so easy in that situation to worry so much about not being a burden that you freeze your friends out even as they can see you spiralling and you end up hurting them when in fact they'd be more than willing to offer help and get you out. It's why addiction is such an easy hole to fall in, because it feels like a way you can be self-sufficient and deal with your feelings without being a burden. Jon ISN'T a very closed off person naturally, he wants to reach out and be close to people, but he's been taught over and over (as many autistic children are) that he's too much, that he takes up too much space, that it's unfair for him to expect people to go out of their way to help him, so he boxes it away and shoves it down and turns to cigarettes, paranoia and denial in an attempt to manage the problem by himself. He's trying so hard to not be the Weird Kid, he's trying to play the part of what he thinks an archivist and a boss should be and blah his way through; he knows believing in weird shit opens the door to all sorts of stuff so he sticks his fingers in his ears and goes LALALA. he's deeply avoidant which ironically is why he often ends up diving in recklessly - it feels safe to only put yourself at risk (you who think you don't particularly matter, are unloved, and are an annoyance anyway) rather than wait and let others get involved and either judge you or get hurt. He didn't tell ANYONE that his encounter with Daisy had hurt him for SEVERAL YEARS because he didn't want to upset anyone. This speaks to me so much of a kid who growing up was always treated as underfoot, in the way, abnormal and with emotions and problems that weren't nearly as significant as the Important Grownup Things. I don't think anyone knew how to help 5 year old Jon with navigating his parents' deaths, and his grandmother's grief at losing her child probably made it very hard for them to connect whether or not she actually resented him the way he thinks she did. He was treated with bitterness and coldness his whole childhood, and he's never been given space to be angry about that because she was doing her best and dealing with a difficult situation, but it certainly left him with an expectation that trying to turn to anyone for emotional help and support will get you in trouble AND is unfair on them. Being with Martin, and indeed all his friendships and relationships, is hard to navigate when you've been taught for so long that exposing your vulnerability will get you yelled at or will upset people. You try to harden up and develop an exoskeleton but you're so chronically soft and in need of help and love so it spills out messy and you don't know how to take the walls down or build better ones up.

Martin's obvious, because his parental abuse is at the centre of his arc and is explicitly spelled out by Elias. He's so sure it's something he's done that's made his dad leave and his mum despise him, and he's hoping against desperate hope that if he can be Good Enough, little enough of a problem, helpful and invaluable, he can make up for whatever chronic flaw in his personality makes him unlovable. Of course he ISN'T unlovable, and none of his parent's treatment of him is his fault, but it's much safer to believe it's your fault and you can change it than it is to believe people who are meant to love you can just not hold up their end of the bargain for reasons totally outside your control. Much like with Jon, Martin has been taught to believe that he's a Problem - where Jon puts up walls and tries to be aggressively separate, Martin tries as hard as he can to prove himself Useful and Valuable while walling off an excess of humanity. Honestly though Martin's coping with it better than Jon throughout the series because he knows what it is and he's TRYING to push past the impulse to Not Be A Bother and actually let people love him. But he's still seeing the world through the lens of someone who's spent his whole life believing that the only way he'll deserve love is to become invaluable, to be useful, to be caring, to be needed, to be all give and no take, and that's not sustainable. And how much must it knock him back from trusting enough to ask for help when his boss (leave aside the love interest bit) talks about him like he's a buffoon and a waste of space however hard he's trying to be helpful and valuable, just like his mum has for years? Finding out that you matter enough to that person for him to risk his life to save you, and to really truly see you, goes a long way towards showing you that you're not always right to assume that people are lying when they say nice things about you and honest when they say cruel things about you - sometimes you are genuinely loved by people who ALSO see you as flawed. and while obviously after that the circumstances are very different I think we've seen Martin become more comfortable with his own tendency to acidity and sarcasm, anger and messy feelings, around not just Jon but in general (although also I can't talk about this without as usual observing how weird it is that people read Martin as sweet, servile and wimpy when he's consistently tough, sarcastic and brave AS WELL AS deeply lacking in confidence, afraid of conflict, emotionally giving, and terminally people-pleasing. He's right when he repeatedly says people underestimate him and don't see him - it's weird that the fandom is a big culprit of that)

Speaking of characters whose trauma responses are often overlooked, Melanie doesn't talk much about her pre-statement life but she's clear that it hasn't been good, and that other than her dad she's had nobody in the world she can trust. I am positive that her childhood was marked by parental abuse/neglect to at least a certain degree, because she was willing to kill her mum/let her die without much compunction (I THINK that's the implication of Elias' line about her mum's life insurance paying for her dad's care). To me (projecting), Melanie's fear of losing control of her own anger speaks to somebody who grew up in a volatile and probably physically violent home, and I suspect her mother was struggling to cope and lashing out at Melanie and her dad. (I also think that while it's unlikely to be made explicit because Jonny generally shies away from talking it writing about sexual abuse, that it's very probable that Melanie experienced adolescent sex abuse from some source and wasn't protected or supported. That's pure conjecture though based on how she acts.) I think she's definitely had issues with everyone in her family except her dad when it comes to her sexuality and that she's been largely estranged for a long time, and I think those are the kinds of things which, coupled with abuse and sidelining in adulthood, leave you with a lot of rage and nowhere to put it, and with a huge amount of difficulty trusting people. Undeniably, Melanie has been on the sharp end of other people's violent anger often enough to be really, really wary of ever giving her own anger free rein, or losing control of herself.

We don't know much about Daisy's childhood beyond what happened with Calvin (Pretty Damn Traumatic), but I think what I find interesting about Daisy is that she's definitely someone who, like many girls, struggled with that point in childhood where you're supposed to Stop Liking Boy (Fun) Things and Become A Girl. I think it's safe to say that Daisy was fairly subject to bullying and alienation in primary school, and I think people often overlook how badly that affects you your whole life. But also to be severely injured and traumatised, to tell people what happened, and to not be believed? That leaves marks. Marks that teach you that you can't trust that justice will be served, and you have to take the law into your own hands. I think there's also a lot of the Gendered Traumas happening around Daisy - she clearly has a conflicted relationship with femininity - but that's another post.

[agentrouka-blog]

Jon and Ygritte - rotten moral code? Nah, just setting up Jonsa.

If there is one thing that had me uncertain if Jon is good enough for my Darling Angel Sansa, it’s this:

He could feel the throb of pain where her arrow had gone through the meat and muscle of his thigh. He remembered the old man's eyes too, and the black blood rushing from his throat as the storm cracked overhead. But he remembered the grotto best of all, the look of her naked in the torchlight, the taste of her mouth when it opened under his. Ygritte, stay away. Go south and raid, go hide in one of those roundtowers you liked so well. You'll find nothing here but death. (ASOS, Jon VII)

Gosh, it was sure bad when she murdered that innocent, unarmed old man. But wow, what a hottie. “Go south and raid”? Raid?? Seriously, you want her to kill even MORE innocent people because it’s such swell fun for her? What the hell is wrong with you??

Ygritte was much in his thoughts as well. He remembered the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body . . . and the look on her face as she slit the old man's throat. You were wrong to love her, a voice whispered. You were wrong to leave her, a different voice insisted. He wondered if his father had been torn the same way, when he'd left Jon's mother to return to Lady Catelyn. He was pledged to Lady Stark, and I am pledged to the Night's Watch. (ASOS, Jon VI)

Wrong to leave her. Hm. Yeah. If that’s your preferred lifestyle, Jon. By all means. 

And, dude, I get that your relationship with Catelyn was very painful and that you never even met your mother, but that comparison is just insulting to BOTH women. And Ned. By all the Seven, get a grip, Jon.

"Who is Ygritte?" Donal Noye asked pointedly.

"A woman of the free folk." How could he explain Ygritte to them? She's warm and smart and funny and she can kiss a man or slit his throat. "She's with Styr, but she's not . . . she's young, only a girl, in truth, wild, but she . . ." She killed an old man for building a fire. His tongue felt thick and clumsy. The milk of the poppy was clouding his wits. "I broke my vows with her. I never meant to, but . . ." It was wrong. Wrong to love her, wrong to leave her . . . "I wasn't strong enough. The Halfhand commanded me, ride with them, watch, I must not balk, I . . ." His head felt as if it were packed with wet wool. (ASOS, Jon VI)

This is one of the few things I find deeply, deeply disconcerting about Jon. This willingness to overlook the murder of an innocent man, to let it be overshadowed by the memory of, essentially, her naked chest. 

Jon Boy, I get that you were a love-starved little bastard weasel and you miss the intimacy of a relationship, but she is literally a cold-blooded killer. And she treated you like a possession. How are you justifying this. 

Seriously, the only saving grace here is that Jon is maybe 15 or 16 and emotionally starved and has zero experience with what a good relationship would be like. Ygritte was neither particularly warm, nor smart (AT ALL!) and I cannot judge the funny. But she most certainly was a violent, murdering invader. And Jon really really really wants to be in denial about that. 

At the worst, this tells us Jon is extremely superficial in his core values. A sham of a character. But that doesn’t gel with what we’ve seen of him elsewhere.

At best, however, this underlines how very very very much Jon longs to be loved, how much it will mean to him when he experiences it. This is the only interpretation that ameliorates his moral failure here just a little bit. This angle also gives us a glimpse into the future.

We already saw Jon mature a lot over the course of AFFC and ADWD. He does still refer to Ygritte in his head as a mentor. But the romantic relationship fades far into the background. He has better priorities, but that longing for love is likely not dead. 

GRRM is obviously setting up something to do with Dany, here. Violent invader open to romance… It’s Dany. GRRM either means to create plausible doubt about Jon’s true feelings if he wants to toy with the reader about political!Jon, OR to set up another bout of actual denial if Jon is bound to Dany on an honest, emotional level.

But. 

The first option will be tricky to pull off, without erasing Jon’s POV for far too long, so why bother for just one short-term surprise? It’d be as bad as the show. GRRM is better than that.

If it was the second option played straight, I would lose all my respect for Jon. And I would find it boring. It would mean that Jon has literally not grown, at all. It would mean that whatever relationship he develops with whatever Stark he encounters before Dany - Sansa, Arya, Bran, Rickon, Benjen, I don’t even care - would not have enough depth to outweigh whatever an emotionally stunted child woman (fascinating character arc, but really, she’s not that interesting on an interpersonal level) can offer him. He would be as ignorant about a proper relationship as he had been with Ygritte. As willing to compromise basic moral standards for emotional comfort and a good time between the sheets.

Or GRRM is simply setting up a contrast.

The fact THAT Jon was having these extremely questionable impulses of bargaining when it comes to Ygritte’s character back when he was a wee little stupid baby, actually makes me fairly confident that he won’t struggle so hard do the same with Dany when he encounters her as a “man grown”. 

Because there would be absolutely nothing interesting about Ygritte 2.0. with dragons. Murdering invader who looks good naked, yay! My family disapproves: what surprising, heart-rending tension. She kills people but she is so pretty: what inner turmoil. She is miraculously pregnant with the fruit of our incest, but I love her, it’s all good. Go south and raid, Dany Darling! I am aghast by your killings but, gosh, so torn because you are so full of.. um.. yeah. No.

But it would be very interesting to see Jon understand the difference between a good and a bad relationship. To track his actual growth by seeing him reevaluate what he thought he knew with what he learns. To see him struggle not with melodramatic denial but with guilt for an emotionally vulnerable monster, and with horror when he discovers she is possibly much cleverer and even more dangerous than he even thought. 

Basically, what would be much more interesting, would be Jon underestimating her, rather than being in denial. Being in denial about Dany’s nature, or bargaining over it, makes Jon a boring, repetitive fool. Underestimating how far she will go, while being fully aware of her nature, that’s the stuff of horrifying surprises.

But in order for Jon to mature emotionally to such a degree, he will first have to experience a relationship that is not abusive but nourishing, and feel loved and accepted. Not even necessarily romantic, but simply close, positive, trusting. And in order to do it in an interesting, non-redundant way that shows us something we have not seen before, it almost HAS to be Sansa. Which brings us back to how very very very much Jon craves just such a thing. So much he was willing to downplay the vile horror that is murdering innocent people because the person who did it had “loved” him and he wasn’t ready to let go of that.

Arya, Bran, Benjen, Rickon, all the Starks already love him. It’s Sansa who’s a mystery box in terms of interaction. Basically, their relationship, in order to set Jon up on a trajectory to stay interesting, has to be a very positive one. It doesn’t have to be perfect, obviously, but overall very positive. Warm, funny, smart. Life-affirming. Embracing.

And unless Jaime-Cersei-Brienne is supposed to be the apex of romantic tension in the books (Love Arianne, but she is not “big” enough to carry the books on her amazing shoulders.) then Jonsa is basically inevitable. 

There is simply not enough emotional tension in a platonic Stark family v. Targ family feud. Certainly not between the Starklings. Why have two Stark sisters unless Jon’s relationship with them is going to be markedly different? Especially with the level of importance weddings and babies have carried up to now. It is literally inevitable that romance will be central. Even if GRRM means to end it tragically, which I don’t think he will, Jonsa will have to be a thing, a BIG THING in order to provide emotional growth for Jon, a contrast to his relationships with Ygritte and Dany, a pay-off for all of Sansa’s romantic disasters and - obviously - for RLJ. Because only Jonsa is unlocked by the reveal of that secret. Because Jon’s main arc is not the road to Targaryen kingship. It’s the road to home and family. There is only one thing in that direction that RLJ makes possible: marry a Stark. And there is nothing to be gained by Jonrya, their love was already perfect. And he probably can’t continue the Stark line by marrying Bran. Just saying. 

In order for Jon’s questionable, immature thoughts about Ygritte’s murdering actions to lead anywhere at all, he will have to overcome them. The most interesting way for him to do that would be by experiencing an actual, positive love story, where he doesn’t have to be in denial about his lover’s vicious nature, and experience actual acceptance and tenderness. You know, that exotic stuff where you’re not threatened with violence, called stupid, angrily yelled at for disagreeing, being shown zero interest in the things you care about… You know, the kind where you don’t have to commit or condone murder in order to be loved. Where someone might actually, I don't know, try and pull you away from the murderous brink. 

So, out of the darkness of those horrifying Jon thoughts about Ygritte, I kind of draw a lot of hope for Jon’s future. 

[lymazhu]

Attempted Denial

rating: PG

cw: blood, mention of injuries 

set between 40 and 41

written for Day 5 of TMAHCWeek with the prompt hiding pain/injury

AO3 link https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169892

By the middle of August, most of the wounds from Prentiss’ attack on the Archives had healed enough that he didn’t need to pay them any special attention. The pain was still there, yes, but it had significantly lessened. Perhaps it was true that he still couldn’t walk without a limp, but that was of little consequence. As soon as he was at his desk he wouldn’t need to stand up again for hours at the very least, so what was the point in staying at home wasting valuable time? 

In retrospect, Jon really should have expected the nightmares to be particularly intense that night. Of course his mind would latch onto the events of that day after he’d made the decision to go back. Inconvenient as it might be, it was a natural result of the brain processing trauma and as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise there was no denying that he’d been left with more than just physical scarring from the experience. It wasn’t going to deter him. 

Jon hadn’t realized how much of the past two weeks he’d spent being inactive until he found himself somewhat exhausted by the time he stepped out the door. The extra minutes he’d given himself to make it to the tube were, he discovered, not enough, and attempting to run on a leg that was still unable to entirely hold his weight was not his finest decision. As he picked himself up from the ground he could feel an unpleasant dampness in several places. Splendid. He’d most likely opened up a few of his wounds from the impact with the concrete. At least he’d chosen to wear a light jacket today over his clothing, despite the heat. It would serve to cover any stains. 

It wasn’t until he was wavering in the underground car, trying to keep himself upright on the way to the Institute, that someone’s reaction clued him in to the fact that his leg was bleeding again and had, in fact, bled enough to stain his sock. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, the seat that was hastily offered to him and the sudden space despite the crowds were nice. 

Rosie was more surprised to see Jon than he would have expected, but that was fine. It must mean that Tim was still off. He didn’t really begrudge the man all that much; they’d both been given a lot of leave after the incident, and unlike his own position there were others to pick up Tim’s slack. Sasha had managed to escape almost entirely unscathed, probable nightmares notwithstanding, and Martin...well, Martin at least didn’t need to sleep in the Institute anymore.

The closer he drew to the Archives, the more he found his mind racing with thoughts of Gertrude Robinson’s murder. His leg was killing him by this point, and he could feel a sheen of sweat on his face making his wounds itch infuriatingly. Everything would be fine once he could just sit down. And...perhaps make use of the office’s first aid kit to re-dress a few injuries. 

Jon took a moment to compose himself as best he could before stepping into the Archives. He’d genuinely expected to be left in peace, and part of him wondered if he would have succeeded if his leg didn’t decide to give out on him right as he was in sight of the assistant’s workspace. 

“Jon?! What are you-what are you doing here? Oh my god, Jon, you’re bleeding-” Whatever hope Jon had of being allowed to just work was lost at Martin’s frantic voice. Moments later the other man had his hands under Jon’s arms, helping him up.

“Sasha, can you get me a chair please?” The anxious tone in Martin’s voice set Jon on edge, and he tried to wrench himself free. That only served to send another jolt of pain through his body, and he bit back a whimper.

“Martin, please, I just want to-” he attempted, but was silenced by a surprisingly stern look. “Don’t try to tell me you want to work. Y-you can’t! Sit down, I’m going to call a cab…” Martin helped him into the chair, fixing him with that same look so at odds with the way his voice had cracked, as he hurried over to his desk to grab his phone. Reception was spotty down in the Archives, but the man managed to get service long enough after a bit of roaming. That handled, he took the first aid kit back with him as he knelt in front of Jon. “I’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t take you to A&E instead of home…” Martin muttered, brow furrowing as he caught sight of Jon’s bloodied trouser leg and sock. 

“That is quite unnecessary, Martin. It’s just a bit of blood, I can-would you just give me that? I don’t need you to do this for me, I’m quite capable-” Jon cut himself off, his head spinning once he made the mistake of leaning forward too far. Martin’s hand was on his chest, then, gently moving him back to rest against the back of the chair.. When had his breathing gotten so ragged? The painkillers shouldn’t be starting to wear off already, and he wasn’t as fit as Tim but surely he wasn’t so out of shape after a few weeks that simply descending into the Archives should have winded him…

The desire to push back against Martin further was still there, but Jon found that he just didn’t have the energy for it. He’s really quite gentle for such a large man, his mind supplied in lieu of anything actually useful. Martin’s hands were soft and cautious as he stanched the bleeding before re-bandaging Jon’s leg. Once that was done, he stood, wiping his hands before sliding Jon’s coat off of his shoulders to expose several bloodstains on his shirt. It was only after Jon made a startled sound that Martin stopped, fingers halfway through unbuttoning the top of Jon’s shirt, and flushed deeply as he seemed to realize what he’d been doing. 

“Are you quite done fussing now?” Even if he wasn’t flustered and in pain, he still probably would have been harsh with Martin. There wasn’t any need for the man to treat him like he was incapable of taking care of himself. However, the amount of venom that seeped into his voice surprised him. 

Something twisted unpleasantly in his stomach when he saw the way that Martin’s face fell. He felt even worse when Martin stammered a series of weak apologies as he backed away. Jon wanted to say something, but came up blank. An unpleasant silence lingered until Sasha finally spoke up. 

“Jon, you really shouldn’t be trying to come back so soon. I’d like to help you back out, but Martin’s a bit better suited for that than I am…” They both startled a bit at her words, but Martin seemed like he’d been snapped out of whatever had been on his mind as he stood up. 

“Right, yes. We should probably wait outside. Put your weight on my arm like this, okay? Be careful of your leg…” Jon bit his lip hard enough that it would be swollen later as he reluctantly accepted Martin’s offer of help. He hated the idea of relying on anyone, especially someone he couldn’t even be sure he could trust. The prospect of trying to make it back up the stairs by himself when his leg was this bad, though, felt even worse. He allowed Martin to put his coat over his shoulders, opening and closing his mouth several times before he finally managed to speak.

“...thank you, Martin.” The words came out as though they physically pained him, and all Martin gave him in response was a wordless sound of acknowledgement as they began to make their way back out of the Archives. Jon tried to convince the other man to leave once he was outside, pointing out how much work still needed to be done, but a small part of him was grateful that Martin refused until he was safely in the cab. It would be another couple of weeks before he would try to return to work again, and the limp he still had would never fade. 

The incident would be mostly forgotten in the following months, buried under the crushing weight of paranoia and fear. It would only resurface by chance, years later, and Jon would finally try to apologize for his behaviour. Martin would simply shake his head and tell Jon to leave the past in the past the way he so often did when Jon tried to bring up his regrets about how he used to treat him. Occasionally Jon wondered whether he would be able to walk normally if he had just followed the instructions he’d been given and stayed off of his feet until he’d healed, and at some point the Eye helpfully told him that yes, he would have.

[lamiralami]

TMA Retro 8: Burned Out

Self-care is so important. Take some time for you: treat yourself to a nice dinner, relax in a soothing bubble bath, get your construction site exorcised by your friendly neighbourhood Catholic priest. Whatever keeps you from getting MAG 8: Burned Out

a fun part of relistening is the extreme reaction you have to things that barely registered your first time through. how could we know what the words “Hill Top Road” would come to mean?  

well I suppose we still don’t know what those words mean. Hill Top Road is one of the biggest mysteries left in the series, especially since every appearance raises more questions without answering a goddamn one. the people demand answers Jonny!

I appreciate how Ivo Lensik’s automatic response to hearing the doorbell at a construction site is to subtly brandish his hammer in a threatening manner. genuinely - those are good instincts in this universe. I bet he’s getting by alright post-MAG160.

“[...] it seemed to me he looked like something out of an old Polaroid” is a striking description. I remember looking at old Polaroids in my family’s photo albums as a kid and thinking the past had an orangey-brown tint to it

(which as I understand it was true for the 70s).

it’s heavily implied that Ivo Lensik’s father was tormented by Michael. he’s obsessed with fractals, a favourite of the Spiral, and says of his stalker that “‘all the bones are in his hands.’” that’s our FuckHands McMike!

...except Ivo Lensik’s father died in 1996, more than ten years before Michael as we know him came into existence. so was this Michael before there was a Michael, or was it an incident of timeline fuckery, or…?

(it just wouldn’t be a Hill Top Road statement if there weren’t some timeline fuckery)

I am so! mad! at the Spiral on behalf of Ivo Lensik and his family. it is abhorrent to convince someone they’re mentally ill, and then on top of that convince their relatives that it runs in the family. on the fear-feeding front it’s brilliant of course - you get to reap the reward of years of anxious fear as they look for signs of the illness in themselves. but still. DICK MOVE.

Baby Agnes had mousey brown hair, but Agnes as an adult had auburn hair. did her hair level up in firepower along with her abilities? was her hair just A Little On Fire all the time?

or maybe, just maybe, her hair colour changed when she grew up, like it does for many children.

I am increasingly coming to believe that Agnes did kill Gertrude’s cat. it fits the timeline! and it would be so poetic, this random act of cruelty having such far-reaching effects

(also adds more drama to their star-crossed soulbond which is an issue very close to my heart)

“There was a knock at the door, and the feeling abruptly vanished. I was cold again, lying on the bare floor. I struggled to my feet as the knock came again. My hand shook as I opened it. By now I didn’t know what to expect. Would it be Raymond again? Agnes? Or some other thing to announce the end of my sanity.

.

What I did not expect was a Catholic priest.”

The Magnus Archives is actually a comedy

this is where continuity really kicks in. we have our first reference to a previous episode, if only obliquely: the description of the box and its hypnotizing pattern slots into the description of the table from MAG3. and the table was described as having an empty space, fit for a box

and speaking of the box, haha, seriously now, what the FUCK is going on in this statement. why was the box taken out of the table? why does it have an apple in it and why is the apple full of spiders?? why is this buried at the base of a creepy tree??? (that bleeds???) and what does any of this have to do with Agnes Montague’s suicide???? it’s not even that spooky, it’s just deeply confusing. 

(“Agnes Montague” is such a great name)

this is by far the most follow-up a statement has gotten so far. not even a Leitner got this much investigation. they go over property records, dig up an obituary, compile news reports and photographs, corroborate with neighbours, interview a witness, attempt to cross-reference another statement...I got a bit tired just typing that out.

(I hope Jon acknowledged the team’s hard work in some way. not sure how that’s done in an office environment. stickers?)

(also, another point to establishing continuity is mentioning all the archival assistants again. we officially have a recurring cast! and they are drowning in paperwork. have a heart Jon, get a team lunch in at least)

and yet, this statement also sees the return of Jon’s particular strain of skepticism. for the past few episodes he’s been, if not entirely receptive, at least not actively insulting. but now we’re back to snidely emphasizing the statement giver’s head injury and family history of schizophrenia. he even gets in a dig about Gertrude.

so Jon pushes to team to look into every tiny detail of this statement, but then doubles down on his coping mechanism of pompous (performative) denial. why put on a show of disbelief while doing the most intense investigating we’ve seen yet?

well. this is our first statement to feature spiders.

[thelawyerthatwaspromised]

Hi! I'm a jonerys shipper but I find your theories very interesting. I wonder though, how will you feel about the show/Asoiaf if Political!Jon is debunked with season 8? Do you think it will change your opinion on Jon? And will you still ship Jonsa if he truly bent the knee because he is in love with Dany? I suppose I'm wondering how a post S8 Jonsa faction will look.

Hello! I really appreciate the question because it’s not a bad one: what if political!Jon isn’t a thing? First, I guess I’ll explain what I think has to be true for political!Jon to not be true.

Jon has to have total faith in Dany’s ruling ability; not just her capacity as a conqueror. Jon has to have thought it was acceptable to give away the Stark ancestral home without consulting anyone about it. Jon has to have actually been unable to lie to Cersei at the Dragonpit. Jon has to actually believe that the stuff he warned Dany about earlier in the season (about northerners not wanting to follow a southern ruler) is either not true anymore - or - at least not as important as the urgency to give away his crown before he could even talk to them about it.

All of these have terrible, terrible implications on Jon’s character.

Because it will mean a number of things…

1) It would mean that Jon really didn’t learn anything from Robb and Ned and their respective downfalls. That’s tragic in itself. When it comes to Robb, sure he made mistakes that cost him his life - but he was also way too young and thrust into a position he should never have been forced to undertake. The same is somewhat true for Jon, except he’s now been in leadership and he knows his family’s mistakes. 

I don’t want “aww shucks” stupid heroes. I don’t enjoy that type of storytelling. I don’t think it’s something I can suspend my disbelief while I’m watching if I actively think “he is a complete and total idiot” and he’s supposed to be un-ironically a hero of the story. Beyond that, I think that’s the opposite of the point of Jon’s arc, most especially in the books but also on the show. 

Robb and Ned are there to be cautionary tales for good people who are struggling with the intricacies of dangerous political games. Jon being as dopey as not learning anything from their decisions cheapens Robb’s story, it cheapens Ned’s story, and it makes Jon simply a lucky idiot if he somehow survives.

Jon is also taking a gigantic risk throwing all his eggs in Dany’s basket even if he thinks she’s the most wonderful person. He has no idea what she’s like as a ruler. He didn’t know anything about her other than she’s come to Westeros and has three dragons. He doesn’t know anything about her tenure in Essos - or that it concluded with her very responsibly have Daario Naharis overlooking the biggest political transition in thousands of years over there. No big deal.

In the best case scenario, Jon would have been detained on the island, been “asked” to bend the knee to Dany on multiple occasions, and agreed to go on a mission that he otherwise wouldn’t have gone on (since he asked Dany multiple times to come North without regard to Cersei’s intentions) and almost died on that mission only to have seen Dany take another big risk by flying her dragons up North to try to save him.

That’s not even close to enough information for Jon to know whether Dany is in any way a good ruler. Flying dragons and ruling are two different things. He took a huge gamble whether it’s political!Jon or not; but at least with political!Jon it was because he felt he HAD to do it to ensure her commitment. The alternative is Jon handing that over without any clue as to whether she can do the mundane things like administer land dispute decisions or responsibly manage the treasuries of Westeros. 

2)  It would mean that Jon governs and makes decisions based solely on his own emotional impulses which would really suck. It’s practically inexcusable for Jon to behave this way. It’s irresponsible as a ruler for him to just hand Dany power like he did at face value without talking to anyone from the North about it first. You could have made an argument to me that Jon could legitimately think Dany should rule the North and it might be a plausible explanation without making Jon a terrible rule IF Jon had actually waited until he returned North to tell the lords in person that he planned to give away the crown for her.

By not doing so, it tells me that either Jon is inconsiderate and impulsive enough to give away something as sacred as an entire country (on the macro) and his childhood home (on the micro level) - OR - there’s something else in play for why he felt it absolutely necessary to “bend the knee” with the timing as it occurred. If there’s some 3rd explanation that I haven’t thought of - I’d actually be willing to read it first before I decided whether it’s an idea willing to entertain.

I don’t talk politics thaaaat much on here, but the analogy really would be that, after being elected, Donald Trump literally believed he had the authority and moral high ground to hand his presidency over to Putin. Not only would everyone hate him, but he literally does not have the authority to act like that and would be removed from his position before it happened.

[to be clear Jon =/= Trump and Dany =/= Putin. It’s an analogy on political leaders behaving in another context. If you want, you can imagine the PM of Canada and the the King of Wakanda as substitutes behaving the same way.]

By going solo in that process - Jon almost guaranteed at the very least a gigantic amount of political turmoil in the North…but it’s something I think he’s aware of and has anticipated. If he hasn’t - he has no business ruling anything ever. 

There is no reasonable explanation for the timing of Jon bending the knee (before consulting with anyone in the North let alone his very own travel companion Davos) other than political!Jon and realizing the exact moment was right because Dany had just promised to help fight the Night King and Jon wanted to cement her commitment as much as he could.

3) It would mean that Jon genuinely valued everyone knowing openly that he planned to fight Cersei in the war after the Night King over actually getting the truce to allow them to fight the NK. If Jon did what he did at the Dragonpit - then he proved himself a liar when he said just before that “there is only one war that matters” because he immediately (again, in the absence of political!Jon) affirmed his position in the war for the Iron Throne at the expense of the war to save the Realm. 

Beyond the silliness of the idea that Jon Snow is incapable of lying to Cersei - it really is highlighted perfectly in Jon’s scene with Theon:

“You risked everything just to tell an enemy the truth.”

I mean…is telling the truth generally good? Yes.

Is telling the truth still good if….

SCENARIO: Bad Guy has their finger on the button to launch a nuclear weapon on a Sunday and they say, “oh wait, these nuclear codes were only good until Sunday and now it’s after midnight so it’s Monday!” 

Bad Guy is momentarily confused. “Or is it still Sunday? Say! You, Honest Fellow! If it’s really after 12:00 AM, I’ll have to leave here and try to grab more launch codes, is it really after midnight? I don’t have my watch.”

Honest Fellow: “I’d like to tell you it’s 12:04….but alas, I cannot. It is 11:58-…”

*KABOOM*

Well…you’d rightfully be displeased with Honest Fellow. But, then again, I think Jon Snow would hate this honest fellow as well. How stupid is that if it’s the same story we heard at face value? 

“I just can’t lie!” 

That’s irredeemably stupid. It KNOWINGLY put everyone at risk and actually is LUCKY that Cersei planned all along to accept a truce so she could have time to replenish her forces with the Golden Company. 

I’d recommend that the Honest Fellow version of Jon Snow climb up that 700 foot Wall he’s supposedly been working so hard to protect and fling himself off. They could call it Lord Commander’s Landing.

4) It would completely upend the part of Jon’s story where he has yearned to truly be a part of House Stark, his residual guilt about not being there to help Robb when the fighting began, and his close relationship with Sansa after their reunion. 

I could say plenty of shippy things about how the absence of political!Jon would completely ruin the relationship with Sansa that Jon’s built since they reunited but I don’t even have to go there. Simply as a close companion and trusted adviser and family member, Jon would have spat right in her face.

People seem to misinterpret Jon feeling like an outsider with the rest of the Starks with Jon never feeling welcome and never wanting to be a member of House Stark. The exact opposite is true. Jon’s detachment was due specifically to his wanting very much to be Jon Stark but feeling like it was an impossibility because of his birth. Jon loved the Starks. He wanted to be known as Ned’s son. He craved acceptance from Catelyn but never received it. It’s caused him to feel unworthy of that. 

When they found the direwolf pups, Jon wanted each Stark to have a wolf first. It was essentially a gift of the gods that Jon “heard” Ghost (who is famously silent) after his noble self-denial in favor of the trueborn Starks. 

Immediately after winning the BotB, Jon makes sure Sansa takes up residence in the Lord’s chambers. He didn’t do that because he doesn’t care. He cares very deeply. He wanted Sansa to know that she is House Stark’s true representative. He doesn’t feel like he deserves that, hence the sadness in his voice as he says “I’m not a Stark.” He reiterates that Sansa is the Lady of Winterfell. Being the Lord or Lady (as opposed to “acting” Lord or Lady) means that Sansa has hereditary rights over Winterfell - something they both fought like hell to re-take.

Now I’m supposed to believe that the guy who didn’t even want a simple puppy before the other Starks, who fought like hell to re-take Winterfell, who tried to desert the Night’s Watch once and arguably did a second time to fight for the Starks, who very intentionally placed Sansa as the head of House Stark rather than himself, who then passed to her specifically ruling authority over the North while he was away - THAT GUY - is now supposed to think it’s fine and necessary and RIGHT to give ruling authority and his crown over to a woman before she ever even stepped foot in the North.  (The Gift, which is the territory along the Wall is owned by the Night’s Watch independent of the North. Even if you count the top of Eastwatch as Dany stepping foot up there, she’s still not in the political North)

All of this, too, without ever talking to a single person about the decision beforehand. 

That’s a Jon Snow I cannot root for or reconcile with the rest of his story. In my mind, it’s character assassination.

It would make me wonder what the point was of Jon Snow even coming back from the dead.

Thank you for the ask. Hope this answers your question sufficiently. You’re welcome to ask more anytime. 

[bulletandsophia]

Some more thoughts, meta, and a little bit of criticism after watching the leaked GoT episode 6. Spoilers again under the cut.

First of all, I love it simply because the North finally takes the limelight. While it’s finally the fruition of (in my opinion) the not-so-thought-out wight hunt, episode 6 brought the intrigue GoT is just known for since it opened up four plot lines I’m sure we should watch out in the next episode and in the next season:

1. Issue on succession/children

2. Sansa and Arya playing games possibly on each other.

3. Jon and D*ny’s relationship

4. Honor/heroism

Children and succession have been brought up one too many times this episode. First was during Tyrion and D*ny’s conversation about “making sure the wheel stays broken”, second was during Jorah and Jon’s scene of passing on Longclaw’s to Jon’s children, third was Tormund dreaming of having kids with Brienne and in which he believes, could take on the world; and lastly, during Jon and D*ny’s scene on the boat where she said her dragons are the only children she’ll ever have.

Note that D*ny and Jon are involved in this flow of thought and I can see why most are predicting a Targbaby coming our way next season after the boatbang. That’s a possibility at this point. Not to mention, as we’ve found out previously, Cersei’s pregnant too and the seemingly strong affinity of Gendry as Robert’s son most likely assumes that he’d like to continue or at least uphold the Baratheon legacy too.

So at this point in time, all Houses are definitely thinking of heirs or continuity, what with the death of House Martell and House Tyrell.

But curiously though, this is happening for all except for one: House Stark.

Since Bran has outright declined the title of Lord of Winterfell, this affirms Sansa’s position as Lady of Winterfell. And if we follow this certain plot flow for the Great Houses, how then can Sansa, a female leader and would likely take her future’s husband name once she marries (i.e. Lady Lannister, Lady Bolton), could continue on the legacy? With Rickon and Uncle Benjen dead, technically, there’s no other man that carries the Stark name. So for House Stark to continue, we all know of these three possible routes: either she makes her future husband take her name, she legitimizes Jon (still unsure if Robb’s will will make an appearance again), or do both. Any which way, House Stark gets to have a move on.

Importantly, this “succession” thought flow as it opens the Targbaby possibility and the death of the Stark name, is another heavy factor Jon has to face in the future and this I believe so fully. As the audience, we know he is both Stark and Targaryen. But until he finds out about this, Jon is still in the safety of being a bastard (Snow). And with his kingship as something he does not want in the first place, succession is basically not his priority for as I see it, he uses his power for the purpose of defeating the WW. So it would be very interesting to see how this would play out for him once the truth is finally revealed. Because more than the crown, this is Jon choosing his identity. And if the revelation of R+L=J next season prevails, then let’s not forget too of how then would D feel about it? Would we see Targbowl? Would D make Jon her heir instead? What about the North? Would Jon leave Winterfell to rule Westeros with D? Would Jon return to Sansa carrying his Targbaby the same way Ned carried him back for Cat to see?

With these loopholes consistently presenting themselves and all the more while J and D get together, I am pretty sure it’s not going to be pretty smooth sailing for them. 

Going into this episode, I also already knew about the heartaches of some of my fellow Jonsa shippers.There were indeed tender J/D moments and D has finally seen Jon’s wounds to prove Davos’ “stab to the heart” speech. But I’m still sticking to my previous meta that while J/D is happening, it is happening based on the superficial, soap opera-ish notions and tones. These are two people situated in a life-and-death, fantastical scenario that leaves their emotions running high. Again, desperation can make or break a man. 

There was an attempt too in the boat scene to create angst as D pulls her hand away from Jon’s hold. This denial has done its work because interestingly, Tyrion has pointed out this attraction between the two earlier in the episode as D*ny complained about the “hero-tendencies” of people like Drogo, Jorah, Daario and “this Jon Snow” and in which Tyrion emphasized: “All these men has fallen in love with you.” D denies and excludes Jon in that list but Tyrion ignores this. So almost into a confirmation, J/D is happening. But again like I said before, not without the bitterness. As I see here, D is finally (or seemingly) humbled by Jon and of the truth he has been saying all along. Probably, this is her changing her demeanor to fall into Jon’s principles as her attraction to him is far more evident than his. I also would not deny Jon that moment of tenderness because finally, he succeeded in catching a wight and convincing D. He also empathizes with the death of her dragon (another reason for D’s vulnerability on this scene) and into which he blames himself because of said (idiotic) wight-hunt. But on this scene, what truly was the most surprising part is Jon giving away the North (”I’d bend the knee but…”–gesturing to his bedridden form) not when D has first agreed to help him. This and just after we saw him deliberately said in the previous episode, “I am King.”

So is Jon doing a Robb? Helplessly and haplessly falling in love with D? Is Jon not caring about honor anymore, especially after Tormund reiterates the number of people that died because of Mance’s pride, almost echoing Tyrion’s first pleas to Jon to bend the knee at Dragonstone? Is this Jon’s big gesture and character shift? Another great point to make here, for the sake of the undercover Jon theory, is that during LF and Sansa’s conversation in this episode, she mentioned about not having any contact with Jon for weeks. With how fast Gendry and Davos were able to send that raven to Dragonstone, curious that they never send word to the North, Jon’s very own kingdom. 

So, I believe it is safe to assume no one in Winterfell knows what he is up to. They truly are waiting, just like Ghost. And the big question now is, why should it be so?

But going outside the formalistic view here, is this simply the writers’ ploy to finally get this J/D plot running to finally make way for something bigger and unpredictable in the next season? Targbowl, Starkcest? It pretty much makes a more compelling storyline compared to this CGI-filled, action-packed, and quite stagnantly plotted season 7. Remember, this is GoT. They time and again flip, break, and destroy plots so cookie-cut and so blatantly displayed. At this point in the story, J/D is the one blatantly displayed. And with this evident (and quite forced) “romance”, it’s very easy to forget the previous episodes where it says to us otherwise (angry Jon, cloakcest, unnecessary hand-holding, multiple parallels, Sansa giving Jon purpose after his resurrection!, “The North is Yours.”, “Jon is king.”, etc.) All very subtle, all ingeniously scattered since season 6. 

Again, I’ll stick with my meta that J/D is the Rhaegar and Lyanna to Jon and Sansa’s Ned and Cat. J/D is the fulfillment of Jon’s prophecy while Jonsa is the embodiment of Jon’s dreams–both of which are seemingly sailing at the same time.

Also, more than anything else, it’s Sansa and Arya’s plot lines back in Winterfell that worries me the most. Both are very much unpredictable with where they want to go. Arya, with all the strength and bravery that she has, still carries with her the issues of past conflicts and mistrusts. Her anger is deeply rooted in Season 1 conflicts that triggers Sansa to also go back to her Season 1 insecurities. I’ve already read some criticisms here and I can see where the arguments and the slight anger is coming from. While this Starkbowl makes a painful scenario, this ties up the loose ends of their relationship during the time they parted. Sansa puts it nicely, “I don’t know her [anymore].” the same way Arya does not know Sansa any longer. Whether the sisters will work together or against each other, is something we have to see in the next episode. I only wish BRAN gets to be involved in this too. But keeping my fingers crossed that Sansa’s Ned speech is her and Arya fighting together, as a pack. 

~~One episode left guys and GoT is running this in full steam. Some of the showrunners’ decisions are definitely questionable for I believe Ned, Robb, Cat, Oberyn, and Hodor did not die for some piece of sub-par writing–and only to benefit Jon and D’s narrative. While I believe they will have that final battle, I surely hope the device to make that happen is not at the expense and deterioration of the other great, great characters already overshadowed by these prophetical Targs. I feel so sad by the way about how Tyrion is basically just on the sidelines now. With the rushed pacing of season 7, I can’t help but feel that this season is only the filler season to establish the Targ conflict and then for a much more intense season 8, where subplots and characters can finally come together, and where loyalties and drastic decisions has to be fulfilled. 

I’m keeping my faith that GoT won’t (continue) to lose its genius after this season. And Jonsa is endgame. :)

[milatherese]

Do What You Are Supposed to Do for Lent (from Jon Dick)

Found this blog post by a fellow Catholic and thought it was worth sharing for this season of Lent:

“People are often desirous of knowing what manner of life ours is. To the human mind it is nothing much; it is too easy and commonplace, people say, to be meritorious, since it consists of the daily exercises… This they esteem very little, and think that it leads to nothing great… There is nothing human in our manner of life, and therefore all is from God. If it were more human, our life would be better understood, but it would be considerably less in the sight of God.  It is completely hidden, not only from others but even from ourselves; hence it is that there is no satisfaction for nature therein, but it is known to God and dear to His heart.”

– Ven. Mother Marie de Sales Chappuis (La vie et les vertus de norte Mère Marie de Sales Chappuis, Conférence XXVIII)

Many of us (myself included), venture one of three ways when it comes to what we are going to give up or do for Lent. Either we will spend too much time ruminating over how intense and sustainable my Lenten sacrifice should be while making sure I can do it without complaining or looking like a Pharisee, or I will go vegan for 40 days (because it is a sacrifice for Jesus to give up bacon and heck, its also an awesome reduction in my pants size), or I will just simply not really do much of anything and give up chocolate and soda pop like I did back in 3rd grade.

Yup. We’ve all been there.

There is no need to be ashamed about it. Choosing a fast or abstinence is difficult simply because there are plenty of things to fast from in our culture. As a result of our plentitude, our instinct is to either go all out or simply remain stagnant.  The point of fasting and abstinence is to help us to recognize our deep need to rely on God, trusting that he will provide for our needs. The Roman Rite of the Church, in her wisdom, only requires simple fasts and days of abstinence for her people. In our overzealousness and ego, we sometimes try to tack on more and more to do. (Scroll down to “How does this connect with Lent?” if you want to get straight to my Lenten practices.)

What that reveals is not the Church’s tepidness in asceticism but instead it shows our lack of trust in the Spirit and that He is still moving and instructing us through Mother Church. I mean who doesn’t want to be in charge of how intense their fast is or how many things they are choosing to abstain from? It can be a delusion of our ego/ false-self/ pride to do so.

St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians calls us to cast off our egos (along with anything else that hinders us from following Christ). On paper, this sounds great, but in reality, this challenges us to enter more deeply into our own poverty and neediness. The first beatitude that Jesus utters in the Gospel of Matthew is, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.”  Jesus wants us to let go of what we desire, (aka poor in spirit), and replace it with His desires for us in the present moment. As my novice master once said in a homily summarizing the beatitudes in their entirety, “Blessed are the needy, and woe to the self- sufficient.” This is how we are called to be poor. We are called surrender to the will of God working the present moment as it unveils itself, recognizing that we are not in control.

This requires trust. A LOT of trust.  Again, the Ven. Marie de Sales Chappuis (the “Good Mother” as we, the Oblates of St. Francis de Sales, affectionately call her), said:

“We must cooperate with our Savior in the redemption of the world; this may be done by means of the practice of ‘cutting short’ [our ego/ pride/ false self], by dying to self, and by obedience. This is more than just merely knowing and loving God: He wills that we should take part in His work… It is only by a constant surrender and denial of self that one attains this; one must die to one’s own inclinations and affections, and soar above one’s feelings. (La vie de la Mère Marie de Sales Chappuis, Conférence XLII & XXVIII)

Our Salesian spirituality (the spirit and teachings of St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal) is rooted in incarnational spirituality. What does that mean? My understanding of our spirituality is this:  Jesus is the “human embodiment of God. He is God who became human and lived, worked, prayed, laughed and cried with other humans. He was fully human while being fully Divine, and because of this was constantly connected to His Father in Heaven. On Earth, Jesus desired constantly surrender Himself to the Will of His Father. He did this through miracles, raising the dead, instituting the Eucharist and ultimately through His Passion, Death, and Resurrection. These instances exemplify the Sacred Divinity that Jesus possessed. Yet there is also His Sacred Humanity which is so important to our Salesian way of life.  This is the hidden humanity of Jesus that asks us to reflect on how Jesus conducted Himself in the ordinary moments of His life. How did Jesus wake up? How did He approach meals? How did He conduct Himself during work and play?  What about when random unexpected events happened in His life (like being chased out of the temple towards the edge of a cliff)? How did He conduct His interior self? How did He manage His emotions and locus of control?

So, how does this connect with Lent?

When I asked my novice master what he thought I should do as a practice for Lent, He looked at me and said, “Follow the Good Mothers advice: do what you are exactly supposed to do in the each present moment as it unfolds itself”.  My first reaction was dismissive and frankly annoyed that he didn’t give me anything more clever than that. Yet, His words have stuck with me. I began reading more about the life of the Good Mother and her spiritual writings and it dawned on me, Damn… Father Mike is right.

As Ash Wednesday began to get closer and closer, I decided to take his words to reflection. When it comes to Lent, I always do something to either because it is easy (and forgoes my Catholic guilt for not doing anything) or do something that is extreme and then a week later feel like a failure when I couldn’t follow through  with my Lenten promise. I have constantly hoped some external limit or allowance would help me grow closer to Christ during this season.

So what am I proposing for myself and to you, my friend, to do this Lent? Do exactly what you are supposed to do in the present moment as it unfolds itself. This Lent, I am going to do the simple, ordinary, yet difficult practice of living in the present moment and “Live Jesus” by uniting myself to the Will of the God as he permits it to unfold.

What does that look like?

It’s almost self explanatory, but for me as an Oblate novice, living according to the Spiritual Directory and when I need to be at prayer, I go. When I need to be doing my chores, I do it instead of procrastinating by looking at my Instagram. When I am asked to mow the lawn (once winter finally departs here in Michigan) and I have nothing else I need to do, I do it even though I might find it dull and mundane, which half the time is the case.  So for this Lent, I am going to do exactly what I am supposed to do and I am going to use the Directory to help me offer it all up to God. If you have made it this far and not given up on this article, I want to offer you a couple simple, yet challenging tools for how you can live your life during Lent this year. So let dive in:

(Note: All these steps come from our Spiritual Directory which we ,Oblates, share with the Visitandines, and the Oblate Sisters of St. Francis de Sales. Click the links to read those texts in their fullness).

Prepare For Your Day Well: Every morning, I get up, greet God (once I am coherent enough), grab my coffee and head to the chapel for 7am morning prayer. After we pray the Office together, I being my preparation the day. This is simple the reverse of the Ignatian exercise of the Examen. Instead of just looking back at my day, I look ahead at my day and, with God, I prayerfully ponder all that I am going to do, all that I need to do, and all that I might have to do (regardless of whether I might want to do it or not).  St. Francis de Sales was very keen on the notion that faith is not a passive experience, but an active response and cooperation to what God desires of us in the present moment. The Preparation of the Day challenges us to take the ordinary and mundane aspects of life and make them a holy offering to God while, at the same time, preparing ourselves for those unpleasant and uncomfortable moments throughout our day that might challenge our resolve to “Live Jesus” in the present moment. De Sales felt it was more pleasing to God for us to love the neighbor we despise rather than raise someone from the dead, or accepting the 20 interruptions you might have in the office as coming from God’s loving will rather than getting all upset that you couldn’t finish the project you are working on early like you would have preferred.

Offer Up to God Everything You Do: This one is super difficult for me. Once I am in work mode, I either am immersed in my work on completely distracted.  Francis’ remedy for this is the prayer known as the Direction of Intention. Here is the basic formula for this prayer:

Eat Well and Enjoy Company: A picky eater or a wet blanket personality at a party can easily put a damper on the mood of a nice dinner or party. When you come to a meal, Francis de Sales says that we don’t “merely to eat, but to obey God and to take part in a community exercise.” We should always come to the meal with a cheerful disposition that is indifferent to what we will be eating. In his conferences, De Sales offers us this maxim, “Ask for nothing, refuse nothing”. If you happen to be at a friend’s house for a dinner, Francis would recommend that you eat what is set before you without complaint (within reason of course for there is no need to eat raw chicken). Also, Francis de Sales tells us to make one small sacrifice that goes unnoticed by others. It might be not having a second glass of wine, or if the meal is a bit bland, don’t add any salt or other condiments to it. There is this great story of the nuns at a Visitation monastery serving pie for dinner. It was plated and served to the sisters. They waited for Mother (the head nun) to take the first bite and she did so. When the rest of the sisters bit into their pie, they were tripped up by the fact that the pie was not at all sweet but salty! The sister who baked the pies accidentally put salt in the pie instead of sugar. Yet, Mother, without making a face ate her entire piece of pie without complaint and so the other sisters followed suit without hesitation. That is real holiness. That is radical love.Francis  also said that when we are hanging out with one another, the conversation should ways stay positive. Many times, we find ourselves in need of venting to friends. Francis would have no problem with this as long as we remained civil in our speech. The moment we begin to slander and accuse someone and the conversation takes a turn towards the negative, Francis says we should try to steer the conversation into a more positive, new direction.

Work Hard. Pray Harder:  The struggle bus is real, folks. With a super computer sitting on most of our desks or in our pockets, the temptation to distract ourselves from with we need to to in the present moment is always there.  How do we remedy this and remain in God’s presence while we are working? Well the Direction on Intention, of course, but sometimes that in itself can prove to be more of a distraction than we might think. De Sales recommends that we offer very short and simple prayers that we call Holy Aspirations. They can be as short a single word to a simple sentence. It is a quick way to remind ourselves that God is present with us in this task and if we find ourselves doing what we are not supposed to be doing, we say this prayer and go back to our task at hand. If you click the link, Francis offers us multiple options of things to say, but don’t be afraid to make it fit your needs. You can say, “Sacred Heart of Jesus, be merciful to me” or “Holy Mary, pray for us sinners”, or “St. Francis de Sales, pray for us”. In many Oblate houses, we have chime clocks that ring every 15 minutes. We do this so that while we are doing a task, we a constantly reminded that God is with us. If we are off task, we are able to enter back into it, or if we are deep in our work, it is a way to recall that God is with us in this moment.  So maybe go buy a chime clock, or set a 15 -30 interval alarm on your phone. Maybe you can say the Angelus at noon and 6pm. In Salesian spirituality, you have the freedom to discover what works best for you.

“My God, I give you this day/action/work/time/meal/etc. I offer you now, all the good that I shall do, and I promise to accept, for love of you, all the difficulty that I shall meet. Help me to conduct myself during this (insert action from previous mention) in a manner most pleasing to you. Amen.

The name of the prayer explains its purpose. Before we do anything, we can say this prayer as a way of directing our intention for why we are doing what we do. If we mean what we say in this prayer, then it radically changed how we often perceive what happens as we go throughout our day. Whether we are writing a paper, answering emails, cooking dinner or doing the laundry, we are doing it with the intention of honoring God in the present moment. When we say this prayer, we are responding to what God desires of us in the present moment and cooperating with Him in His plan for salvation by trying our best to do it in a manner with pleases Him. The best part of this prayer is that you can easily doctor it up to fit your needs. You can set a silent alarm to go off every hour on your phone in order to recall God’s presence throughout your day. Every time you move onto another task, you can say “Jesus, I trust in You” or “God, I am Yours in this moment” or whatever the Spirit inspires. I suggest trying out the formula for two weeks and then adapting it to your needs.

If you would like additional reading to do during Lent, once of my Oblate confreres, Fr. Thomas Dailey, OSFS, who is the Cardinal Foley Chair of Homiletics and Social Communications at St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in Philadelphia, PA wrote a book for the average Joe and Jane on how they can practice the Spiritual Directory every day.  The book is titled “Live Today Well” and I think it is fantastic! I have read it as part of my novitiate formation and it has taught me a lot on hour to “Live Jesus” as well as many stories about St. Francis de Sales, the Oblates, and our spirituality.  You can find his book on Amazon.

I hope you like what you have read here. There are many other practices in our Spiritual Directory that you can use to organize your day around finding God in the present moment.  If you have any questions, feel free to hit me up here or on my Instagram, and let me know how it is going for you if you decide to pursue this for Lent. I would love to know what you think about it! God bless your Lent this year and may God be praised by the how you intentionally live your life these next 40 days!