#i am sorry my mental thoughts are fuckin incomprehensible to explain to others ToT

[mejomonster]

anyone else ever run into that ‘demisexuality’ isnt real bullshit discourse?

i ran into it once on an ace positive blog of all places :/ (which there’s a ton of wonderful ace blogs i follow them so like. idk what that one specific person’s issue was, they were just really big on ‘demi isn’t real lol its just for special snowflake romance feelers/sexual ppl’ ahahaha fuck off)

like. while i know demi sits in this grey ass space that might not be understood by everyone? as someone who feels i’m most likely demisexual and demiromantic... i gotta tell u... i sure as fuck do NOT relate to a person who just feels romantic and sexual attraction for strangers/new people. cannot fucking relate at ALL. and for a long time i just thought idk? other people were lying about liking someone on sight? i thought other people were just having boring hookup sex with strangers since i could not possibly feel sexual attraction that fast so how could anyone else be? then over time of course. i realized no, actually, TONS of people really do feel crushes immediately or early on into knowing people. TONS of people who find someone attractive on sight can enjoy making out with them right away. i’m the one they don’t understand feeling like lol. 

like for me? crushes are such a perplexing thing. because while i can understand i aesthetically find a stranger pleasing, and find them ‘interesting to get to know’ - i cannot actually feel a crush romantically or sexually that fast. i HAVE to get to know someone for a few months before i’ll develop any actual potential romantic feelings, IF i develop them at all. i am incapable of those whirlwind relationships where ur intensely into someone within a month! i just absolutely cannot feel that attached that quickly. i can decide on sight if i find a stranger objectively ‘cute’ to me, but if i make out with them or flirt? i’m gonna feel absolutely nothing. im gonna be bored. i absolutely need to get to know them for a few months before i’m going to feel any of that enjoyable spark known as sexual chemistry, any of that enjoyable excitement of having a romantic crush (IF i feel it at all). i know i CAN feel romantic and sexual attraction, i just also know i’m absolutely not feeling it the way some of my friends do. my friends can know if they have a crush a lot sooner... and if i try to help ppl figure out if they have a crush, some of the ways ‘i figure it out’ just are not the ways other people do lol. for me? a good friendship with a person i find hot, and a lover, are going to feel exactly the same for the first few months for me lol. its only once i get closer to them i’ll find out if i develop a crush and feel attraction to them. 

i’ve read people argue that’s not demi, that’s just regular sexual/romantic attraction. but bitch... i have friends who can feel sexual attraction with a hot stranger. i have friends who feel that crush spark in the first few meetings, even if it still takes months for love to develop (because yeah LOVE does take months+ to develop... but for some people a crush does not take as long to know you have one or not). 

i used to think i was just demisexual. because i know i feel absolutely Nothing unless i have a deep emotional bond with someone after a few to several months/years. so hookups unfortunately bore the fuck out of me. 

then like. the more i talked about crushes with other people. the more i was like... oh... oh damn... it doesnt take EVERYONE ELSE 2-3 months to figure out if they ‘like’ someone romantically? i thought it did lol. Nope... seems like yeah it takes Plenty of people months/years to figure out if they Love people... but just a crush? Either plenty of people crush faster than i do, or else a TON of people are dating people they feel nothing for at all. im not sure, i’m not them, idk how crushes feel to them and if people Do often date people they feel nothing for or not. 

i know this is all a mess lol. this is just me saying i suppose, why not let demiromantic and demisexual as labels be. if it means someone finds a label that helps them feel less alone and realize other people have felt like them too and relate. i don’t particularly care how ‘different’ or not it is from full on romantic/sexual attraction to an outsider. i know for me i sure as hell feel like the way i feel those kinds of attraction isn’t the same as a lot of my peers. and it feels nice to know im not the only person who doesn’t ‘get’ feeling any attraction for people you haven’t bonded with. it feels nice to know there’s other people who get what i mean. anyway shout out to greyromantic and demiromantic and demisexuals who struggle to explain how the fuck things feel from our perspective and when we try to explain to people we often run into people not going through the same kind of attraction process we do. shout out to not knowing if you’re even remotely into someone until you get to know them well, and that’s before stuff like love even factors into it. to not being able to talk to some people about it cause they just don’t get how ur feeling.

From here: https://lgbta.fandom.com/wiki/Demiromantic

“Demiromantic is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum defined as someone who does not experience romantic attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone. This connection may be sexual, platonic, or another form/combination of forms, depending on the demiromantic individual. Forming an emotional bond with someone does not mean that one is automatically attracted to said individual, as it just means there's now a possibility for one to feel attraction.”

And here: https://lgbta.fandom.com/wiki/Demisexual

“Demisexual is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum defined as someone who does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with someone. The connection can be romantic, platonic, or some other form of connection. What counts as a "close connection" can vary between demisexuals. Forming an emotional bond with someone does not mean that one is automatically attracted to said individual, as it just means there's now a possibility for one to feel attraction.

It is important to distinguish between typical sexual attraction to friends and romantic partners, and demisexuality. Additionally, it is important to note that demisexuals are not simply choosing to abstain from sexual activity until they know the individual better. Allosexuals are capable of feeling sexual attraction to individuals they do not know very well, though they typically choose not to act on it. Demisexuals are incapable of feeling sexual attraction unless a close relationship is established, though they may still engage in sexual activity with the assumption that attraction will develop at some point.”

That second paragraph. is why a decent number of my friends (and strangers) just do not get how ‘crushes’ work to me. i don’t need to abstain from sex lol i could go do it right away with a stranger, i’m just going to feel absolutely nothing until i get to know a person for a long while. 

what inspired this whole rant is. a long while back i saw some people thinking demisexual just amounted to being allosexual and choosing to abstain from immediate sexual activity. :/ that is not the same. plenty of allosexuals wait until in committed relationships, or a while of dating, or being in love, to have sex. but they know they’re attracted a lot fucking sooner than i do. i genuinely have no idea if i like someone for a long while. which lol :/ aside from convos with people and not quite getting what They mean, just means a small situation in dating happens to be... some people will date and right away know if they like me or not, then want a relationship. and wonder why i don’t physically flirt or act attracted, and think i’m going slow, and get impatient and want to go date someone else instead of waiting for me to get to know them enough to know if i like them that way lol. which just means finding compatible people to try getting to know who are okay with a few months of getting to know before anything develops romantically/sexually if its gonna lol.

anyway. sure do dislike demiromantic and demisexual erasure. ToT