#i am so sorry for a lack of context... best i can give is uhhh

[morgayz]

do you have any kind of context for this sample? no <3 still posting anyway! truly though, this is from one of my ( hesitantly titled ) wips called twist of fate, about the tumultuous relationship between a folk musician named james rivers and a music journalist, oliver noble, in the 60s. it's been a while since i wrote for this wip, but uhhhh here's me dumping this in your hands now! enjoy enjoy

[savnofilter]

okay so im just gonna my tingz and whatever since people can believe what theyd like.

whoop its more drama. 😅

so if you hadnt already seen it, great if you havent great. ahh im literally shaking oops but this is serious so i'll only what i have to say, and she blocked and deleted all my apologies and explanations.

i wasnt going to post anything because i replied and had said my words and left it at, if you dont want to like me thats fine, i'll live.

i one, would like to say that she even removed it so like rip me. uhhh i would make a video really to talk it because im bad at words and me typing it makes it worse ahahah.

essentially it was just a bunch of screenshots of me being mean so yeah that was it. er um wooph this is too much for me, the only account i can properly say was that i can say i was harsh was that christmas thing with someone who i havent spoken with in months and its that i said i hate people who celebrate it mad early. and yeah i can harsh because ive already explained that sometimes im blunt about it and when im in a bad mood i dont care.

on the other accounts let me say which i dont remember cause she had all the screenshots and i deleted all the chats because it was turning my already sour mood, even more sour.

so she said i didnt greet her properly which i even talked to you once before so idek what she was trying to get at there. 😅 ahh i asked who she was because i had been having on and off issues with a writer and that was already in the server. she suddenly added her to the discord after it being open for many months so naturally that added suspicion and i also have a great deal of knowing when something was up so yuh... call my instincts right cause it was in the messages that were sent to me. 😅

ahhh (ignore my many ah's when i get anxious it just happens ahahah) but those were taken out of context and like were set up to make me look bad. and even just in the whole post, the whole reason why they talked to me was to venge for something to bring me down LMAO.

just like before ive cooled down tremendously so im done from my mental breakdown to properly say this:

1) i didnt know it was even a slur. i just thought it meant dumb and it was only yesterday i had found out that it was bad.

now i'll say this again because people like being on this sav hate train to even read my words LMAO, im sorry for the words i said.

literally the person that i used it on doesnt even fucking like me so the fact thatd they were rude to me and then get shocked that im rude. i even said that day i had not been fine, i was not well. and if you got your secret santa friend you could also get screenshots saying that i said at the point in time i did not care what i said to people because i was planning on killing myself so i didnt care what i was going to say because you know id be dead.

2) may i say again, i had suspicions of other party friend talking about me because she even messaged me on many times and even brought up one situation that i took piss poor shit in handling. 😂

and may i mention she (christmas person) left because she didnt speak up about other issues that couldve been talked out with and decided to leave.

not only that i thought we were talking about our opinions on celebrating christmas so stop trying to feed word into me mouth m8.

AND ALSO, YOU KEEP SAYING THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS LIKE THAT WASNT EVEN THE THING. 😂

and also the conversation had lack of communication so everything was jumbled up, and i didnt even know she was actually leaving the server i thought she was going "tata" for a bit and i was going to talk to her, i eventually did but we do not speak anymore.

3) the main reason why she spoke to me was to basically catch me red handed LMAO. and she got what she wanted. 👏🏽i literally had people message me, asking why she was even asking for peoples ages.

one how do you even know i was referencing you?! i... but anyways... again you want to make me out to be a bad person lmao. i have bad moments just like everybody else. but because i like to be nice and uplift people i cant make mistakes? like what flawed logic is that?

how am i supposed to grow if i dont make mistakes and learn from them. it woudve been a whole different story if i used it multiple times and didnt give a fuck. and no, its not every day that im a "dumb fucking cunt" to people.

4) you legit deleted my responses and apologies. 😂 and people are just jumping on this and dont even

know me.

ever talked to me.

not even in the server.

so now the "brought to tumblr" again i was just sharing my damn sadness dude. your call-out post makes no sense. trying to make it sound like im out here trying to ruin peoples days is not even close to the truth... i myself hate making people feel bad about themselves.

im not some sociopath, and youre mad because i was bummed i realized that someone that i thought was amazing doesnt like me??? like youre telling me that you snapping at me everytime we talked im just supposed to take it? i just...

and ive said it on my blog, im not in the best place. youre gonna get me off on my off days. i even said that me even interacting is not even a good idea but i choose to make the conscious decision to even talk to people just makes me feel even worse because someone was mean to me first.

you cant take me being my worst and saying its my fucking whole. you dont care about me wanting to "fIx My WaYs" you just want to fucking embarrass me and have people hate me.

if youre trying to show character, youre doing a terrible job at it.

i tried adding you as a friend to even talk to you but you had even BLOCKED ME on discord. you dont care. at all. stop pretending youre some knight, if all i was even trying to talk it out to you and youre response is "youre mean you suck" like what the fuck...

you and your friends and your followers my "followers" who havent asked for my side just show how much you guys really want to pUrIfY this erotica for anime community,,

and also you were a massive prick to my friend because she was sharing her own thoughts so i dont even know why youre trying to act like youre an angel. unless you can tell me that you have never been wrong, i will just crucify myself on the cross and apologize to jesus for being such a sinner.

the more i type, the more i get spiteful so i will stop myself here. have a wonderful night/day/whenever you see it dude or never see it cause you blocked me lol.

EDIT: also i never even hinted that it was you so it just confirms this was only for malicious purposes... and i now just feel like you made it because you feel like i shouldnt have feelings either.

~

apologies if its all over the place, i wrote this in a state of panic to a slow burn of being mellowing out.

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines Chapter 12 - Mistakes

Chapter 12 and we see what happened to Gacen after his encounter with the past

Gacen wakes up in a precarious position and proceeds to recount the night

Gacens head was pounding what was going on he could hear what sounded like heavy machinery being operated nearby, why was it so god damn loud. Gacen opened his eyes properly and was quickly startled by what he saw; he could see the sky below him what was going on. He must be upside down that explained the backwards sky and his pounding headache but why was he? He felt a sudden drop as he began to fall but then was caught by something, what the hell was going on. He looked up and saw a chain tied around his leg attached to a CRANE! oh no what did he do. He needed to get out of this fast he looked down and was met with the bright crackling of a furnace... WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED. He could work it out later for now he had to get out of this situation he began swinging with the chain until he was able to grab it with his hand. He felt incredibly dizzy and lightheaded he definitely had a hangover but adrenalin was powering him through as he began to climb the chain to the crane. 

As he reached the top of the crane his ears were pierced by blaster shots he then saw fly by his head. Well shit he’d pissed people off while blackout drunk this day was going great. As he shimmied across the crane trying his best to avoid blaster bolts he tried to remember what happened last night. He went to a... bar after he finished up the job but why he didn’t... the realisation hit as he remembered what the robot had said, well that’s a whole other can of worms to open later. He didn’t have enough credits for more drinks so he... oh no Gacen remembered the sabacc game, the winning, then drinking and then nothing. “God dammit you stupid dumbass idiot what did you bet” he thought as he reached the edge of the crane.

He could now see with more context that he was in a scrapyard, he could see three individuals furiously shooting their blasters at him, poor quality blasters good he was dealing with amateurs. He made his way off the crane with all the grace of a Hutt trying to run a marathon quickly landing in some scrap with a crash. He popped up out of the scrap putting on his diplomacy gloves “fellas fellas why are you trying to kill me” this was a terrible idea but thugs love to hear themselves talk

A large weequay spoke up “you owe us a ship compadre now either you pay up or we shoot you here and now” yeesh he bet the ship nice going jackass bet your home why don’t you 

“now now i’m afraid i can’t facilitate that but surely we can come to some arrangement” Gacen moved closer slowly he had a plan, granted a very stupid plan but still a plan

“no we have already talked enough we will not be swindled by you again” yeah that checks out why couldn’t you just go home and brood like normal people. He continued to move towards them

“i apologise for anything that happened before now i’m afraid i wasn’t myself” Gacen was now close enough he quickly reached into his pocket and let off a flash grenade. He was instanly blinded by a white light AHHHH SON OF A BITCH it hurt so bad Gacen had about 5 seconds less of flashbang than they did he had to act quick, he turned around despite his lack of vision and sprinted in the general direction of the exit as his vision returned he quickly activated his personal stealth field. They would be searching the compound for hours he had a good headstart.

Gacen began making his way back to town hopefully he could get away nice and quick. As he made his way back his mind began to wonder; god damn it why did he do any of this everything was going so well and his stupid idiot ass was pushed over the edge by just a name. What was Ash gonna say when she found out she already hated his drinking problem but she was trying so hard to help him and he was just being a shitty dumbass. Why couldn’t he have just gone home like a normal person would it have been that hard no he was just too much of a stupid idiot fuck to do anything remotely challenging. He continued to spiral as he made his way back to the spaceport.

By the time he got back it was night he was hoping he could just sneak in maybe she wouldn’t notice he could say he got caught up with a job opportunity it was technically kinda true. He unlocked the ship and began to head to his bunk as he did he heard a voice in the dark.

“where have you been” it was quiet and calm but he knew it wasn’t really

“oh... um... hey Ash sorry i uhhh got caught up with a potential new business opportunity” why was he lying to her this didn’t feel good

“ok well if that was the case you wouldn’t mind letting me smell your breath” no no no that wasn’t fair he couldn’t control his mouth. Her arms were folded and she looked very tired she was probably waiting all night

“uhh i uh don’t think that’s uh necessary” he couldn’t win this he was fucked he’d fucked it all up it was too late this was it

“really why not?” Ash looked so upset with him what was he supposed to do the truth was so bad

“ok FINE fine i got drunk and nearly died and nearly lost the ship and i hate myself for it there are you happy i’m a mess you’re not you were right i was wrong” what was he supposed to say he had no idea

“no i’m not happy i can’t believe you’d do this it’s not even been a week Gacen” oh she was mad at him she didn’t get mad easy

“look i’m sorry ok I got some news and I... I just didn’t know what to do i couldn’t deal with it all it was too much”

“so what you just got drunk like that is that seriously all it takes” hey cmon she didn’t even know the context that wasn’t fair

“look this isn’t easy for me you know it’s not really even a choice I’ve had so much shit constantly going on in my head and my past it’s really difficult for me to deal with this stuff all at once I need something to null it all” 

“ I KNOW i know you’ve been through a lot you’re constantly telling me that you’re constantly telling me it’s so hard for you well newsflash Gacen you’re not the only person with problems” He knew that but it wasn’t the same right?

“yeah obviously i know that but it’s not the same. Why, are you hiding something some big dark secret, something that weighs down on your soul, something you can never forget the knowledge that no matter what you do you keep hurting people i don’t think so” yeah she doesn’t get it

“NO OF COURSE NOT but i still have trouble like everyone does, when we got captured i lost my team, the only ever family and yeah believe it or not it weighs on me and you have never ONCE asked me if i’m ok” oh i see how it is

“oh right ok so you weren’t doing this to ‘help me’ were you, you just wanted someone to talk to it’s got nothing to do with my pain, everything I lost, everything i have to deal with” Gacen wasn’t sure about that but he needed to win the argument

“WHAT no i just wanted my friend back i wanted you to be ok because you’re the only person who makes me feel better when the whole world feels foreign and excuse me for wanting you to get better” no no no this wasn’t right

“WELL little bit of a hard truth for you Ash this IS ME the sad depressed alcoholic fuck it’s ALWAYS BEEN ME but i hid it because i thought there was something worth living for but i was wrong ok so what’s the point in a brave face. This is who i am the asshole the guy who doesn’t remember how he got chained up to a crane and doesn’t care because at least he could live with himself for a few hours and you can either get used to it or you can leave” there beat that

Ash was staring at him fuming with tears in her eyes “fine” she walked out of the room. Hey he won Gacen stood there for a second in silence...god damn it you stupid fucking asshole what was that shit that wasn’t helpful all you did was drive away the only person who you hadn’t yet driven away, the only friend you had left. You stupid idiot asshole she could really leave this time why the fuck did you do any of that. It doesn’t matter any way your poison has already reached her even if she recovers from this and forgives you you’ve already ruined it. You’ll drive her away just like you drive everyone away with your poisonous toxic shit you should be surprised it took this long she should’ve been driven away already really why would anyone put up with your shit that’s why Risha never looked for you, that’s why your father abandoned you, why your mother died, that’s why your sister hates you, how are you going to drive Ash away huh how are you going to make her despise you huh you’re poison is already in HER IT’S NOT GOING TO BE LONG BEFORE SHE GIVES UP ON YOU WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO HUH WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHAT AR-SHUT UP!!!!!!

Gacen stood sweating he should go talk to her at least salvage what he can. He made his way to the entrance to try and find her putting the bad thoughts behind him. He saw Ash was sitting on the ships stairs “um hey i’m sorry about all the shit i said i’m a big jerk” he sat down next to her why was she still here?

She turned to him she had clearly been crying “i’m sorry Gacen” what no that wasn’t right “i’m sorry if I don’t understand what you’ve been through i know I’m not the best at reading people I should be mor-”

“no no no stop Ash it’s ok if i’ve been shitty or acted shitty that’s because i’m a shitty person don’t blame yourself for my fucked up life it’s not your fault”

“i’m sorry i’ve been pushing you so hard i just miss you ya know the world gets hard without your whimsy” she leaned in to Gacens side he put her arm around her 

“Ash?”

“Yeah”

“why didn’t you leave” Gacen didn’t understand why she’d stay with his well everything

“i tried to but i couldn’t because you shouldn’t give up on someone halfway that would be worse than not helping, i’d do irreparable damage to you and i couldn’t live with that” Gacen was surprised she was so willing to put up with his bullshit he couldn’t understand why no matter how hard he tried. “Gacen do you ever want to talk about your issues”

“what do you mean” Gacen didn’t like where this was going

“have you ever told anyone what’s going on in your head like you did while yelling” Gacen racked his brain 

“i don’t think so no” was that bad had he been doing it wrong 

“would you like to it could help” Gacen didn’t like discussing his past but Ash was right he had to deal with it at some point

“sure i guess but first i gotta ask you something”

“what” Ash looked up at him wiping the tears from her eyes

“are you ok” 

“no” she let out weakly Gacen felt so bad how had he never asked her 

“i’m sorry i was so selfish i should’ve asked if you were ok a long time ago”

“thanks Gacen” 

“no problem Ash” he put his head on hers and they sat in silence for a few minutes more

“what do you mean about losing the ship” Ash spoke up 

“oh shit we gotta go i pissed off some people big time” he completely forgot

Ash chuckled “alright i’ll start the engine”...