#i am so normal about this game (that's a lie im eating the walls actually)

[takamakisu]

I told y'all I was gonna draw her. I'm obsessed with this character, her design ticks off so many boxes of things I love in designs:

• Black and red main colors

• Fingerless gloves

• Red eyes

• Lots of buttons

• Short hairstyle + curls/waves

• High heeled boots

[bakugohoex]

Yay requests are Open, and I am here to send in a haikyuu one!! ANGST oneshot for DAISHOU! Him and Mika have been going on and off, so after a big break up Daishou goes to reader for comfort as they are friends. Reader likes Daishou, but since he was dating Mika she never did anything. Now Daishou starts spending more time with reader, complementing her, flirting with her and she starts thinking her love isn’t one-sided. However, after the nekoma vs nohebi game, he and Mika get back together and he actually wanted to make Mika jealous using reader. Reader sees this cries and runs into Kuroo. Eventually she’s moved on with Kuroo, but Daishou regrets his choice and goes to apologize hopefully getting her back saying “I never meant to take it that far” or “I never meant to hurt you.” But it’s too late😊

"y/n? I was just using her"

paring: suguru daishou x female reader; tetsuro kuroo x female reader

cw: angst, fluff, language, kissing

word count: 2500+

a/n: hii hope you liked this, idk why im only posting once a day but as soon as i post this and answer my asks im going to sleep

summary: in which mika and daishou finally seem to have broken up for good, daishou seeks comfort in you and your own relationship seems to evolve until he crawls back to his first love, leaving you high and dry for a certain nekoma player to take you all for himself

↞ back to haikyu!! masterlist

Daishou stayed firm in your arms, his head leaning against your chest as he let out a teary cough, another week and another breakup with his on and off girlfriend. He stayed in your arms, your hand running through his hair, but even with the consistent break ups, it seemed like this was the end of their tumultuous relationship. 

“I...I just don’t understand, you understand how much Volleyball means to me, and for her to disregard it.” He spoke finally meeting your eyes, his own glossy as he spoke, the normal cunning smirk he had turned downward into sadness. “I just don’t get it.”

“I know, but maybe it’s good for you to have this break, concentrate on Volleyball and stuff.” You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t have a crush on the manipulative boy, but the way he’d always have such a nice personality but have this deception under it made your heart beat. He never did deceive ever since you met him as first years, he always remained nice and even flirtatious but that was just how he was.

With this final breakup maybe a chance with the two of you could be possible, maybe, “and stuff?” He questioned.

You didn't know what to say, your mouth going dry as he sat on your bed staring into your blank eyes, “just another venture.” You lied, he nodded before dismissing the idea.

“Thanks Y/n, for tonight, you didn’t need to hear about the breakup again.” He spoke ready to leave, even with him spending hours with you, you felt like no time had passed. You already seemed to miss him, but something in your stomach felt immoral for still retaining feelings for him after all these years.

“It’s fine, I’ll always be there for you.” You said standing at the door of your house, he leant against the wall outside, the cool air hitting his face. 

He smirked at you having the same cunning look he always did, “I’ll be keeping you to that then.” You shook your head at his easy flirtation, he gave you a tight hug, longer than your normal ones before kissing your cheek and waving a goodbye. 

It had been a while since he had left with a kiss, normal a wave would do but his lips felt like they remained on your cheek. You closed the door resting your head against it as you thought about your situation, he couldn’t ever like you, even if they had permanently broken up, he couldn't. 

The next week passed with ease, you knew the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers were occurring in two weeks, but something else seemed to be odd in the week. It was Daishou, every morning he’d come pick you up with the callous smirk which he hid under a simple smile, he’d drop you off to class and pick you up every time, eat lunch with you, spend whatever time he could with you. He’d come pick you up from your last lesson and take you to the gym, before walking you home, it was a never-ending cycle. Until the flirtations began, firstly it was subtle, complimenting your hair and then your features before it became an infatuation. 

“Y/n.” He dragged out your name, whining as he sat in front of you as you ate lunch together. “You’re so pretty, no wonder every guy is trying to get with you.”

“Oh shut up Daishou.” You laughed at his teasing, playfully slapping his arm. 

He brought his other hand to your own, touching the rings that encased it, making you leave your hand on his arm. “I’m being serious Y/n, at least they know you’re mine.”

“Yours?” You questioned trying to not make his flirtatious be true, it was always just him teasing but the way he looked at you, just as he did with Mika it sent something in you. 

“Yeah, you’re mine, my pretty girl.” He brought his hand to your cheek, your breath becoming heavier at the close contact, even though he stared right into your eyes it felt like he was staring through you instead. He caressed your cheek softly before speaking again, “we should watch a movie of mine tonight?”

“S...sure.” You coughed out, almost hesitant, with the sound of the next lesson occurring. Daishou left you as you finally took in a sharp breath, but even then, he had left with a kiss on the cheek.

The end of the day came quickly, with practice occurring with ease on the Friday night and not needing to do as much. You grabbed your stuff waiting to meet the boy, he skipped out happily, taking your hand as you both walked past the library. You had not been paying attention, but his grip tightened, and his arm moved around you to bring you closer.

It wasn’t that you didn't like the attention, but you had to be vary of his motives. You both walked to his place, talking about your day and the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers. Finally arriving at his place, you both shuffled inside to get out of the cold weather, he went to get some snacks telling you to set up a movie. You had been in the boys room before, always loving the trophies and medals he had around the room. 

You lied against the bed, putting a random movie on, Daishou coming back with snacks. He almost jumped on the bed, deciding to sit on his chest to face you, his hands moved to your own as began playing with them. 

“How are you watching the movie?” You questioned trying to pay attention to the boring movie. 

“I’m paying attention to you instead.” He gleaned out continuing to play with your fingers, he spent the hour placing his fingers inside yours and smiling right into your eyes. “Fucking hell, you really are gorgeous.”

You were glad the lights were off, seeing as your eyes had gone wide and you had a flustered look on your face. He had watched the movie a gazillion times already knowing how it was about to end soon. He leant against his elbows to come face to face with you, happily grinning at you before tilting his head.

You did the exact same movement in the opposite direction before his lips finally met yours. The kiss was everything you had hoped for in a kiss, the tongue he so often stuck out gliding across your own, he moved himself up to cup your cheeks to have a better hold on you. It was lustful and as your own hands went into his black hair, you gave a small moan at the kiss, feeling his hands move down to your sides in an instant. You let go, heavy breaths fanning against each other as he gave another grin at you. 

“I need to go.” You whisper having seen the time and knowing the last train was arriving in 20 minutes. 

“What? Even after that?” He questioned resting his head against his hand as he stared up at you. You nodded, ready to leave,  it might've been because you were scared, truly and utterly terrified about the implications of the kiss. “Wait.” 

He stands up to meet your eyes again before giving you another more tender kiss, his height being a factor in him having to bend to meet your mouth. He seemed happy, watching how you melted in his touch, you were truly putty in his hands.

You hadn't expected the next two weeks to fly by as quickly as they had, you and Daishou had grown closer. With no labels you both would walk to classes together holding hands and he’d even give you small kisses when you both had to part. It was sweet but you remained anxious about the whole no labels part meaning you both could stop whatever this was at any time. 

You stood in the court of the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers having just lost against Itachiyama Academy, you knew what this meant for the boys. Having to play against Nekoma, it was a lot already knowing most of the 3rd years, Kuroo gave a wave as you both had met outside only a mere hour ago. You waved back before Daishou came up to you, giving you a kiss on the cheek, you became flustered but unnerved letting him do what he wanted as long as it meant they won.

Even with his good luck kiss, the team lost 2:0 you could see the saddened look that came on their faces. The third years knowing this was their last high school game, Daishou looked even worse compared to the rest of the team, storming off somewhere else. 

“I’ll go check up on him.” The team nodded watching you leave to find the snake like a boy.

You finally heard him, but he most definitely wasn’t alone, “S...sorry I said you were boring because you only care about your club. You looked really cool out there.”

He continues listening to her as you listened in to see what he would remark back, “I think I finally sort of understand why you concentrate so much on your club now and I know you and Y/n are a thing but teach me how to play volleyball sometime.”

“Y/n? I was just using her.” Silence, Mika didn’t question it, hearing a yeah to being taught volleyball, but you, the tears welled up at his confession. “She means nothing to me.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he repeats.

That's when you finally understood, over drop off and lunch you spent together, every evening and late walks home together, Mika was always around, the way he spent lunches looking directly passed you to see if Mika was watching. How he’d hold you tighter than ever before when Mika was around, tears welled up as you ran away, heaving breathing with your chest tightening.

Tears swarmed your eyes before you felt an arm on your shoulder, “Y/n-chan.” Kuroo’s hand rested on your shoulder as you were outside sitting on the steps, “is everything okay?”

He sat beside you and at the sight of the tears, instantly hugged you, ��h...he used me Kuroo.” You whispered into his chest, a confession of what had occurred and Kuroo’s look of horror sent out more tears.

“Y/n, he never deserved you, you deserve someone who likes you for you and isn’t using you, he manipulated you into thinking he was the one for you.” Kuroo whispered hand in your hair as he let you cry into his shoulder. You stayed sobbing for a while before Kuroo spoke again, making you look up at him, he wiped the tears with his thumb making you look at him. “My team is getting ice cream; do you want to come? My shout.”

“I...I wouldn’t want to be a burden.” You murmured hesitantly.

“I promise you won’t.” He stands up putting his hand out for you to take, “come on.”

You grab it happily, feeling a different type of warmth than you had had with Daishou’s hands. Even with the loss of Nohebi, you didn’t care anymore, already knowing there was no point in you being manager and deciding that it was best to keep your distance from the boy. And you never know, one door may lead to another one opening, well that’s what you thought as you walked alongside Kuroo.

It had been a couple months since the event of the Spring Interhigh Qualifiers, having quit as manager and distanced yourself from those in Nohebi. You didn’t really care about leaving the team, they had tried to ask questions, but you’d walk away without a care. Even Daishou had asked about you after you had blocked him on everything, but he didn’t care as all he needed was Mika. 

Walking into Nationals in Tokyo felt like a relief after everything with school going on, having promised Kuroo you’d watch his first game. He had told you to wait outside the court before he went in just to have some good luck, as you walked inside, feeling a lot happier with yourself.

You saw the red jackets already knowing it was Kuroo, he noticed you in an instant giving you the widest smile. “Hey baby.” He smiled letting his arms out as you hugged him after not seeing him in a week due to practice being later and later in preparation. He kissed the top of your head before meeting your lips, you remembered your first kiss with the boy. 

He had asked you out a couple weeks after the incident and with an amazing date where he took you to dinner and then the arcade Kenma had told him about. He gave you the softest kiss filled with so much love and comfort, it was nothing like the brash lustful kiss of Daishou. 

“Y/n.” You both stopped kissing at the sound of your name, Kuroo was in full eyeline of the boy who stood behind you. Even you could recognise that voice, Daishou’s.

You turned around to meet his gaze, Kuroo’s arm around your waist holding you close protectively. “What do you want?” Kuroo hated Daishou even more after the incident but the look on Daishou’s face brought him happiness. The cunning boy looked irritated and almost sad at how close the two of you were.

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Daishou muttered, crossing his arms. “You blocked me on everything, what happ…”

“Did ‘I was just using her’ come to mind?” You huffed tired already of having to bother with the boy.

Daishou finally understood why you had gone radio silence, you had heard it all, Kuroo heard his team starting to go onto the court knowing he’d have to leave you with him. “You go, good luck baby.” You gave him another soft kiss on the lips before his touch left you.

Daishou looked at you, everything about him infuriated you, you never knew who he really was and even if he had led you to cry you were glad it happened. Without your heart breaking you’d have never gotten into your relationship with Kuroo. “How long has this been going on?”

“Why does it matter to you?” You were about to walk off when he grabbed your arm.

He couldn't speak, angry that of all people you had to date it was Nekoma’s captain, his rival of sorts. “Y/n, I miss us, I never meant to say…”

You pushed him off your arm in an instant, “I don’t care, your apology means shit to me, have fun with Mika, I hope you treat her right.” Maybe you hated them both, you didn't know but if Daishou truly loved Mika he wouldn’t have come back to you like a chick does to the mother hen. 

You sat next to Nekoma’s cheer squad, participating yourself, you watched as Kuroo went onto the court. In an instant his eyes landed on you; he gave you a gleeful grin watching how you smiled back at him with so much love. You were glad you got hurt because now you had everything you truly wanted.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @katsuhera @answer-the-sirens @animexholic @wapbenders @the-shota-king-masayuki @bakugousmrs @crystal-lilac @dai-tsukki-desu @fandomsinthegalaxies @crimsonbows-and-arrows @admin-in-residence @otterlockholmes

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 12

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i hope it sorta hit a bit? does it sting? it had to happen sorry! i cant wait to write the next chapter 😭

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i didnt add the “never have i ever” suggestions that i used but THANK YOU if you sent some, i used a few! also, i had other requests and ideas from people and i may use them a bit later, in a future chapter. actually i know when ill use them lol youll see :)

Chapter 12 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

"Shit, I don't know what to wear!" I exclaimed to myself as i put clothes in front of me, standing next to to mirror. "Horrible."

I threw the shirt away, aiming for the bed but it fell next to it and I didn't even send it a glance as I took an other one.placing it on my chest and tilting my head at my reflection. I glanced up when I saw Louis walk by and stop immediately, holding himself on the door frame with a smirk.

"Put a skirt on." he let out, making me raise my eyebrows. "It'll be easier for him to fuck you against the wall."

My eyes got smaller and I reached out for my tissue box before throwing it his way. He moved right on time and it hit the wall in a thug, making him laugh.

"Don't be so violent!" he smirked, walking in my room and leaning on the wall. "I'm just saying out loud what you think about late at night, if you know what I mean."

I turned to him, opening my eyes wide and shaking my head. I couldn't believe Louis was talking about me masturbating to the thought of my ex boyfriend like it was nothing.

"Oh my god, shut up!" I let out with a chuckle. "You're so annoying!"

"Look, I woke up and he was getting out of your room." Louis pointed out. "He spent the night with you. In your bed. Wearing nothing but BOXERS!"

"We just slept." I argued with a shrug, trying not to show him that the thought of Niall almost naked in bed with me was actually doing something to me. "I was sick, remember?"

"Yea, you were 'sick'" he repeated, pronouncing the last word louder and adding fake quotation marks with his fingers.

"I was! A few of your sushis weren't good, Lou." I explained, throwing an other shirt away and grabbing a new pair of jeans. "You know it's true, I heard you vomit in the middle of the night, too."

"That's not the point." he explained, getting suddenly a lot more serious than he normally is. "Olivia, you should break up with Dylan." I stopped dead in my track and even stopped breathing. My heart, though, was beating extremely hard against my rib cage and it's all I could hear. "Did you even think about him recently? He's not here and you don't even seem to miss him, especially not when Niall is around."

I did think about Dylan, though, but I didn't talk about my thoughts, mostly because I felt fucking guilty about almost everything that came to my mind. I felt like shit towards my boyfriend but I didn't have the guts to tell him that I was getting closer and closer to Niall. I didn't know how to tell him that spending time with Niall had been some sort of relief in my life, that being able to be around Niall again was making me generally happier, that when I was near him, I felt more alive. There was no good way to tell that to the man you were about to marry, not without hurting him.

"I love Dylan and I miss him, you know that damn well, Louis." I argued, feeling tears coming to my eyes. "But Niall is... Niall is Niall. Niall is the love of my life."

Louis uncrossed his arms and walked closer as I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to face reality at all. I wanted to spend time with Niall and pretend I would be able to resist him the next time he'd try to kiss me. I wanted to pretend that I was going totally okay with watching Niall and Heidi get married and have kids at some point in the future while i'd do the same with Dylan. I wanted to believe I didn't have to break an incredible man’s heart because of my own disgusting selfishness... that everything was fine and that what was happening between Niall and I was perfectly normal.

"I know he is." Louis said gently, placing his hands on my upper arms from behind. "I see you two interact and it's so obvious, Olivia. The way you two connect it's... it's probably terrifying for Dylan and Heidi, you know?"

I opened my eyes and sniffed before swallowing the lump in my throat. I was not going to cry. There was no fucking way I was going to cry now and ruin my make up. We didn't connect, and we wouldn't connect on that night, I was going to make sure of it.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay. I'll prove to you and everyone else that Niall and I are only friends, you'll see."

I was mostly trying to convince myself of that but I just reached out to my wardrobe and grabbed a skirt, like Louis had proposed. I was going to have fun tonight and nothing else.

"Liv, don't be like that."

I turned to Louis and shook my head slightly.

"I'm not losing Dylan, okay? I can't. Do you know what are the chances for me to find an other man like him? Kind, sweet, smart, funny and who truly loves me? I've risked my relationship enough, don't you think?"

"So last night, when Niall joined you in your bed, you didn't feel anything?" he asked a bit harshly, raising his eyebrows at me. "I saw him take care of you when you were puking your guts out, you know?"

"You don't base a romantic relationship on lust, Louis. You should know that." I shook my head, searching my drawers for a shirt. "Niall always took care of me, since we were kids. It's nothing new. And it means nothing."

Louis stayed there, motionless and quiet as I picked my clothes and when he realized I wouldn't look at him again, he sighed.

"We're leaving in 10 minutes." he turned around and walked to the door as I swallowed my tears again. "And Liv? I love you. I want what's best for you. My opinion is just that, an opinion but... I don't think you'll ever be happy if you're not with Niall. I don't think he'll ever be happy without you either."

                                                       ---

The bar was crowded but we reached a quiet spot on the second floor, in the back of the room. Everyone was arrived and I couldn't stop glancing at Niall, who ended up sitting next to me. Now that he was close, all the bullshit I had told Louis earlier didn't seem so important anymore. Nothing ever seemed more important than Niall, and it was a problem.

Louis came back with a pitcher and sat on the other side of me with Eleanor while Harry, Liam and Julie sat on the other side of the table. I didn't know where Harry's girlfriend was, or if he even was with her anymore. We had told each other we would remain friends but things change and we drifted apart. I sighed low, a bit nostalgic of that friendship before we all started drinking. I was getting drunk and from the way Niall's eyes sparkled, I felt like he was getting there, too. Or maybe it was just that I was so drunk I was starting to imagine things.

I could feel the skin of his arm brush against mine and I cleared my throat, trying to stop thinking about it before turning around to send him a smile.

"So where's your girlfriend?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh she'll be here soon."

I didn't expect this answer and raised my eyebrows as my lips parted. I didn't want to see her, and it was not only because we didn't get along. Most of all, I didn't want to see her all over Niall the way she had been when they invited us for dinner. Why was I so ready to prove everyone that I was able to resist my ex boyfriend but as soon as he was near, I couldn't handle myself?

"Okay, let's play a game!" Liam said, tapping the table a few times with his palm. "Truth or Dare?"

"No no, 'never have I ever'!" Louis argued, making me raise my nose up in a grimace.

These games never ended well, at least most of the time, except that one time where I decided to just kiss Harry, but a few minutes later, Niall had kissed a girl too and that was not a good ending, at least not to me.

"Okay, I found questions online!" Eleanor let out with a chuckle. "If you've done it, you take a sip, and no one lies!"

"Yea, I'll call you out if I see one of you lie!" Louis agreed, making my heart skip a beat.

I was screwed.

"Never have I ever... drunk-dialed an ex!"

I held my breath and started nibbling on my bottom lip. So many times, I had wanted to call Niall when I was drunk but every time, Louis was there to snatch the phone out of my hands. I glanced when I saw Niall drink and I wondered who he had tried to call. I had never received a phone call or a text message from him after we broke up, so I knew it was not me, and somehow, it made me jealous. He missed an ex so much that he called her... did that mean he never really missed me?

"Never have I ever... stolen someone's food!"

"Louis! You drink!" I let out, my eyebrows raised. "You always eat all my fucking left-overs!"

"What? Nah."

"He does!" Eleanor agreed with me with a chuckle, hitting him gently with her elbow.

He groaned but finally took a long sip of his beer, making me smile more.

"Okay, never have I ever... called a partner the wrong name during sex!"

I chuckled but felt my heart jump in my chest when I noticed Niall taking a long sip of his drink. We all looked at him and started laughing and he simply shrugged.

"I was drunk, I didn't know the girl's name!" he argued, laughing too.

I let my eyes roam on his face, wondering who exactly was that girl and if she had been someone he had sex with after he left me but I didn't dare to ask.

"Never have I ever.... lied to a law enforcement officer."

I laughed when I saw Louis drink and Liam started laughing, his eyebrows raised.

"Wait what? What was the lie?" he asked curiously, leaning slightly against the table.

"He lied to get out of a ticket." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Why? Because he was going too slow?"

Everyone started laughing and Louis grimaced before flipping Liam off, making everyone laugh even more. I leaned closer to Louis and kissed his cheek gently before he wiped my kiss vigorously from his skin.

"Traitor!" he whispered as I chuckled, blowing him an other kiss.

"Never have I ever... sent nudes."

Without thinking, my eyes found Harry immediately and his did too. We stared at each other for a few seconds before our lips curled. I grabbed my drink and took a sip as he did the same, just like Julie, Liam and Louis.

"Did you send nudes to your boyfriend or your ex boyfriend, Olivia?"

I sent a mean glance at Louis and he smirked, making me know he was getting back at me for the last question.

"One time, Harry, Niall and I played 'truth or dare' and Harry asked me if I had ever taken nudes. I guess we continued that conversation a bit later and.. shared.. selfies..."

Louis' eyes got bigger and he pressed his lips together, knowing he had made things a bit awkward but finding it funny anyway. I glanced at Niall, noticing he was staring at me, and finally cleared my throat, asking El for the next question.

"Never have I ever.... hooked up with someone of the same sex or gender."

My eyes once again found Harry. I knew we were pretty much the only one who didn't want to label ourselves around the table and I brought my drink closer to him. He smiled and clinked his glass against mine before we both took a sip.

"You guys have no idea what you're missing." he let out after swallowing, making us laugh.

"Oh my god, Liv, you're gonna love this one. Never have I ever had food poisoning."

I laughed and took a sip, pushing the side of my body against Louis'. He groaned and took a sip and when I turned around, I noticed Niall frowned. I moved closer, holding my breath to make sure I wouldn't smell his incredible scent, and smiled a bit.

"Last night, Louis got sick because of his sushis, too."

I saw an emotion pass on Niall's face and his lips finally curled before he chuckled. Was that relief? I nibbled on my bottom lip when I remembered what he had asked me in the middle of the night and the right corner of my lips raised. I didn't know why he didn't want me to be pregnant with Dylan's baby but I liked it.

"Never have I ever been the subject of a rumor that wasn’t true." Eleanor read with a big smile. "Oh god, I think we can all drink!"

We all laughed and ended up finishing our glasses, handing each other the pitchers to fill them back again. I almost choked on the sip I was taking when Heidi arrived and she quickly sat next to Niall, making something stir in my stomach. I closed my eyes tight when she kissed him and I felt Louis' hand on my arm.

"It's okay to be hurt, love." he whispered. "If it matters, she's got nothing on you. She's also doing that to get to you."

I breathed in and out slowly before opening my eyes again. I noticed Heidi looking at me and sending me a sly smile that really bothered me.

"I'll get shots!"

Harry left with Liam and the whole time they were gone, I played with my fingers nervously. I felt like the whole evening was ruined because of her but I couldn't let that get to me, right? As soon as the guys put the shots in the middle of the table, I grabbed one and swallowed it quickly, followed by Louis.

"Wait, guys! This is for the game!" Harry explained. "And it's a surprise, you don't know what you drink!"

That's when I noticed the huge amount of shots on the table and raised my eyebrows just as Eleanor read the next question.

"Never have I ever... caught someone masturbating."

I held my breath and my eyes got bigger. I didn't want to turn to Niall but it was stronger than me. He was already looking at me and he chuckled.

"One time, when I was 13, Liv caught me masturbating. She just walked in my room without knocking!"

I smiled and pressed my lips together but my smile faltered when I realized he had no idea that I had caught him masturbating last time I actually slept at his place. The sight of him jerking off flashed in my mind and I gripped my glass tighter until I heard his voice again.

"Oh and remember at the lodge?" he asked with a smirk. "I came back in the room the first day we got there and-”

"Nooo! Shut up!"

I moved closer to him, trying to press my hand over his mouth but he dodged me and ended up just holding my wrist as he finished his sentence.

"And I caught Olivia masturbating in the dark, in our room!"

"Oh my god I hate you." I groaned, leaning my forehead on the table as I heard laughter. "That was a secret!"

"Was it though?" Niall asked, his lips dangerously close to my ear.

I held my breath and waited a few seconds to look up, noticing Louis had given a shot to Niall and was now handing me one. I drank it quickly, turning the glass around and putting it on the table. Tequila, ouch.

"Never have I ever... tried anal sex."

Once again, I closed my eyes and groaned, bringing one of my hands on my face as Niall laughed next to me. I was really going to get drunk. I reached for two shots and handed one to Niall who just chuckled and drank it fast. I did it took and raised my nose up. Sambuca. I hated that.

"Wow, who the hell are you?" Louis asked, raising his eyebrows while looking at me. "Little wild thing. Can't believe you let him!"

It was not my first time trying anal but I decided not to mention it. The truth was, when I was dating Niall, I would have done anything for him. There was no limit, as long as he stayed with me and was happy, it was all that mattered to me. I suddenly felt the urge to kiss him and held my breath as I stared at him. My heart was hitting so hard against my rib cage I thought it was just going to escape. Literally. It was ridiculous. I was not ready to do anything for anyone anymore, except myself. That's how things should be.

"Never have I ever... hooked up with an ex’s friend."

Once again, I knew I had to drink. Not everyone in the room knew that I had slept with Louis and I thought maybe it would be better if I didn't drink at all but the worst would be if I hesitated. If I just drank, they could believe it was an other ex than Niall but if I didn't seem sure, they'd know I was not at ease and it would be suspicious. I rolled my eyes, realizing I was going a bit too far in my thoughts and just grabbed an other shot, swallowing it quickly. I felt Louis' hand squeeze my thigh and my lips curled slightly. He knew and it was enough for me.

"Never have I ever... tried to make an ex jealous."

I sighed and took an other shot, shaking my head.

"We need to find questions that won't force me to get so drunk I won't be able to walk in half an hour!" I argued with a chuckle, watching as Niall grabbed a shot too.

I was starting to hate this game, if only for the fact that all I did was drink and check if Niall would drink too and if he did, I'd just spend a few minutes wondering who it was about and what exactly it meant. I glanced at Heidi, thinking she should probably drink but didn't and I rolled my eyes.

I never really had tried to make Niall jealous but I had hoped for it. I was not getting married to make him regret leaving me, but when I noticed his reaction when he found out and stormed out of the cafe, I couldn't pretend it didn't do anything to me. It did. I liked it. It gave me hope. Hope for what? I was not sure.

"Never have I ever... second-guessed a relationship."

I was getting pissed at myself for letting all his simple gestures and actions get to me. I loved him, I loved him so fucking bad it was driving me insane, but there was no way I was going back to being the 'no-back-bone-and-fucking-blind' girl I used to be when we were dating. I didn't want that. I reached for a shot and placed it in front of Niall a bit roughly, spilling a few drops of what I believed was rum, or at least, it smelled like it.

"Do you need only one?"

Somehow, everyone stopped talking and although I should feel guilty, I really couldn't. I was past the tipsy stage and a few memories were coming back to my mind. I also didn't enjoy Heidi's presence and the way she was so close to him. Niall looked down and licked his lips, waiting a few seconds before drinking the shot and pushing the glass away. Eleanor cleared her throat and I just shook my head with a sigh.

"Uhm, never have I ever cheated on a partner."

I closed my eyes again but this time for a complete different reason. I thought about the first time Niall touched me. I could almost still feel his fingertips brush on my skin before he had pushed them inside me. I can't remember being this excited ever in my whole life. This time, I didn't have to say anything. Niall just reached out to grab a shot and swallowed it.

"Not on Liv, right?"

Niall turned to Louis and shook his head.

"No. With her." My eyes moved to Heidi's hand who gripped Niall's arm tighter sinking her nails in his skin. I couldn't help but think she did that when they fucked, too.  "It was back when I was with Maya."

I noticed Harry was looking at me with a frown and I just shook my head slightly, answering his silent question. He nodded and his lips curled a bit as I answered his smile. No, I had no cheated on Harry. I wouldn't have done that, not even for Niall... right?

"It was... unplanned." Niall added, making me press my lips together.

The memory was so vivid, probably due to the alcohol and mixed with the proximity of Niall's body, that I had to get up and go to the bathroom. As I got up, I realized how drunk I was and tried to walk straight. I didn't like to show I was drunk and I was not sure why but when I got out of the bathroom, Louis was leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

"El and I are leaving, we've got a brunch in her family tomorrow morning, so I'll sleep at her place." he explained with a frown. "Are you okay? We can give you a ride home if you want."

"No, thank you." I shook my head. "I'll just take a cab."

"No, no cab by yourself. One of those fuckers will bring you home when you'll be ready. I'll make sure of it. And if anything happens, you call me."

I nodded and he pulled me into a hug, making me close my eyes. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, and that I missed having sex with him, but it was a lie. What I actually missed was to be close to someone, and I sort of felt like I was losing him, somehow. Soon, we were not going to live together anymore and I had no idea if I was okay with that.

"Sorry for that game, although it went better than you thought, right?"

I chuckled and pulled away before nodding. He sent me a wink and told me goodnight and I watched him leave before sighing and walking back to the table with difficulty. Liam and Julie were getting up too and I frowned, tilting my head when I got closer.

"Are you guys leaving too?"

"Yea, we're both a bit tired." Julie explained.

They said their goodbyes to everyone and I ended up sitting next to Harry and in front of Niall. I watched as Heidi talked in his ear with a smirk and I glanced down to watch her arm disappear, realizing she probably had her hand on his thigh, or even somewhere else. I looked away and swallowed at the intense feeling of jealousy invading me.

"Oh, Olivia, I know you'll be alone tonight, would you rather sleep home?"

I frowned at Heidi, a bit surprised about her proposition and licked my lips, trying to find a reason why she would actually want me to be with both of them at his place. To show me he belonged to her, perhaps? To keep on being all over him in front of me?

"No it's okay, she can come home." Harry just said, getting up and grabbing his phone. "I'm alone tonight, too."

"It's cool, Harry. She'll sleep at mine." Niall quickly replied, getting up to. "Plus, it's closer."

They looked at each other and Harry finally sighed before bending down and whispering to me.

"Are you okay with that?" I just nodded and he did the same. "Okay, darling."

Heidi drove us back home since she had barely drank and I noticed Niall kept glancing at me in the mirror but I didn't acknowledge him. I knew he was a bit mad at me for some of the things I had said and if I wanted to be honest, I really thought I was over all of that, but the thought of him breaking my heart and not being sure of the relationship we had made something burn inside me... I was not mad. I was still hurt. I probably always would be.

Niall let me borrow a pair of his sweatpants and a shirt and none of us really talked at all. We just went to bed and before I knew it, I was laying on my back, under the covers, in the dark, just staring at the ceiling. Normally, I would have a conversation with Niall until we'd both fall asleep but that night, it was impossible. He was going to cuddle her all night, and not me. The thought made me swallow hard and I tried to keep my tears in. I was intoxicated and just closing my eyes made me dizzy.

That's when I heard it. It made my heart jump so hard in my chest I was near throwing up. A moan. Just a low moan disturbing the silence of the night and then, an other one. I got up slowly, my heart beating harder, making my whole body throb and when I opened the door, I held my breath. I stepped out of the room and It was clear, now. A bunch of moans reached my ears and I leaned my back against the wall, shutting my eyes tight.

"Oh, fuck, Niall!"

I felt tears invade my eyes and I let myself slide on the wall until my ass hit the floor. I heard noise, like the annoying sounds of a mattress moving, and I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to keep in the sobs that wanted to escape. This is exactly why Heidi wanted me to sleep at their place but the one I really blamed was Niall. How could he do that to me? Wasn't breaking my heart once enough? What the hell was he thinking?

I was sitting down alone in the hall, now as sober as possible in these circumstances, listening to my ex boyfriend, the man I was in love with, having sex with his girlfriend. It was so pathetic I didn't even take the time to wipe the tears that fell on my cheeks, I just accepted my fate, motionless, like it was something I actually deserved. I tried to think about my boyfriend, filming a movie in an other country, but it couldn't distract me from the noises coming from his room. All these images of Heidi riding him as he touched her and told her how much he loved her invaded my brain and I felt suddenly nauseous. It made me realize one thing. It was not so much that they had sex, that really bothered me, although it did hurt me to some extent. What was really hard to accept was that he may have feelings for her, stronger feelings than he had for me. I also couldn't really believe he cared so little about me that he'd literally do it while I was in the same house, in the room literally next to mine.

I cried more, feeling like this moment would never fucking end. It's only when I heard his voice for the first time that something inside me seemed to click. He had groaned and I hated it. It was a low and simple grunt but it made me want to literally die on the spot. I don't know where I found the strength but I quickly got up, walked back to the guest room and grabbed my purse before rushing to the front door and stepping out of the house into the dark night. The door closed roughly behind me and I realized they may have heard. I quickly left and ran across the street, my shoes hitting the ground being the only sound around. It was only when I was totally out of breath that I decided to call a cab. I just wanted to erase that whole evening from my mind. I just wanted to erase all my feelings and be happy again but I couldn't lie to myself. The only time I was truly happy was when I was with Niall... and that was over. There was no hope left inside me.

[saltymcsaltything]

So tired of being in pain and simultaneously being in a mental fog that keeps me from taking care of myself.

I wake up everyday with my joints and muscles aching. My nerves randomly decide to light up like thermite and make me wake up screaming. My stomach is an absolute fucking mess constantly. I am depressed and anxious 100% of the time and I can't remember what I need to do or what I have done.

Did I take my meds and supplements? Have I drank my water? Where the fuck did I leave my water? Why am I in the kitchen. Why can't I find anything in this house anymore? When was the last time I brushed my teeth, washed my face, showered? When did I last eat something? What was it, and was it something that is going to mess up my guts? What did I eat in the last two days that has me trapped in the bathroom? Was there wheat in that? Did I eat any of a dozen vegetables that I love but shouldn't eat because they wreck me?

And household chores? I hate them now. If it isn't something that requires careful attention, it means my anxiety-riddled mind declares open season to start thinking of every bad thing in my life, and when it runs out of those everything that is wrong in the world. Queue the panic attacks, flashbacks and dissociative episodes. There goes the next 2 hours while I collapse and breakdown or stare at the wall and go bye bye. I think I prefer the dissociation, at least it's a break from the pain.

Try to do something that requires focus? Can't even start. If I somehow manage I forget the steps, or forget which steps I've already done. Guaranteed to fuck something up. Failure? That's game over for the rest if the day. Time to shutdown. Maybe I'll go to sleep.

Sleep? Don't make me laugh. Lie down and mind goes brrrrr. Get up and distract myself. Maybe have a drink. Oops, forgot I took a Xanax a couple hours ago to make it through my grief support group. Now Im fucking wasted and feeling sick. Stupid stupid stupid. At least that turns off the nightmares. Yay for accidentally mixing alcohol and controlled substances. Would have been even more fun if it was muscle relaxers instead so I could be a drooling mess for the next 18 hours.

There's another wasted day. You know what sucks? I can't even do yoga or meditation anymore, and I used to love that so much. Savasana was my jam. But I can't do a good routine that wears me out the right way to calm my mind, because every move hurts too much no matter how I modify it. And so can't meditate if I can't physically calm myself first, because mind go brrrrr when I try, and I'll have a panic attack or dissociate. Closest I get to exercise these days is pacing and rocking, or getting some of that good sitting still with my uncontrolled anxiety cardio action.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't even know where to start with this shit. There's too many moving parts with all this shit and I'm just so done with it. This has been building up for almost a decade, but the last 5 years have been hell because that's when my life essentially blew up.

I'm in therapy, but just when I think I'm learning to cope, some new terrible event happens and I fall apart again. Coping skills? I forget how to do them. Deep breathing? Oh yeah, now I'm focused on doing something critical to survival in a way that feels unnatural, and if I try to go back to breathing normally I can't remember how. Now I have to actively to breathe until something distracts me enough to break me out of it. Mindfulness? Carefully observing everything to try to focus on the present moment? That used to work, but now the calm narration gets shouted down by the heckling critic. "Look at you acting like you can function if you just put your mind to it, you broken piece of shit. Stop pretending you can actually focus or think. It ain't gonna happen. Nothing works and you know it. You're done, give up. Just crawl into a hole somewhere so nobody can see you fall apart."

Fucking hell, how is functioning as a middle aged person so fucking hard? I'm about as emotionally mature as a toddler at this point. The world makes no sense to me anymore and I have no idea why people can be so casually awful to each other. I don't understand anybody else's behavior or motivation to be absolute hateful asshole garbage bastard shit weasels, and everything anyone says to me feels like an attack no matter what their intentions might be.

Wasn't this supposed to get easier as I got older and wiser? Wasn't being sorta financially secure and taking care of all the basic needs supposed to reduce the stress? How can betrayal and grief and illness completely derail my entire life? Why am I so fucking weak?

And why can't I stop screaming into the void?

[gingrrfrog]

these nights (4)

word count: 5.6k :/ kinda long sry

warnings: angst

summary: jeno, yejin, and jaemin were a team. they told each other everything, they trusted each other. jaemin nor jeno would lie, right? right?

a/n: hi idk how many of u like this but since the c*ronavirus has me locked inside my house im just gonna write until this is over :/ hehe enjoy also here’s a masterlist I concocted just for timeline purposes :] 

After an hour of chatting, Jihyun finally decided that she was hungry. They both argued over who should cook, Jihyun’s reasoning being for coming over unannounced while Yejin’s reasoning was that Jihyun was the guest—and she would be a horrible host if she made her cook. The bickering ended instead with her calling her sous chef, Taeyong, secretly while Yejin was in the bathroom. Yejin begged, the last thing she wanted to be was a nuisance during but Jihyun only assured her by informing her that Taeyong lived in this same building, asking a small favor before ordering him to shut the restaurant down due to the snow outside.

“You really didn’t have to do that, Unnie. I really could’ve made us something to eat.”

“And I’m telling you that Taeyong owes me a few favors anyway! Plus, it’s not like he’s far from where you live and he lives right upstairs. I promise you it’s fine.”

Yejin sighed heavily, “you’re unbelievable.”

“Believe it or not, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that.”

Yejin could only laugh as they continued to talk. Yejin opted to sit on the floor criss-crossed as they talked about littler happenings in Jihyun’s pregnancy. Yejin looked at the coffee table while she spoke, noticing a few incriminating photos from the night before, haphazardly shoved under magazines.

Fuck you, Na Jaemin. She hissed to herself. After this, she was never letting Jaemin clean anything. It’s almost as if he planned this. Just then, Jihyun reached over to take the magazine after noticing Yejin’s attention was on the magazine.

“Is there something on the magazine? Oh pictures! Oh—pictures—“

Yejin could do nothing but watch in horror as Jihyun stared at the polaroid in her hands. It was almost like staring at a car crash, she wanted more than anything to look away, but the picture of Jeno’s dick in her hand almost demanded her attention.

“Holy shit, is this Jeno?”

Yejin blanched, her hands catching her hand in pure, unadulterated embarrassment. If she could call Jaemin right now she would scream his ear off, “I am so fucking sorry.”

“No it’s—“ Jihyun tried her best to stifle a laugh as she placed the polaroid back on the coffee table. “It’s…reassuring to know that Jaehyun and I aren’t the only one who do this.”

“But you and Jaehyun oppa don’t keep the photos stupidly hidden under a magazine,” Yejin groaned, her head still hiding in her hands. “I’m going to fucking kill Jaemin.”

“That’s very true. If anyone saw me naked Jaehyun would skin them alive from pure jealousy,” Jihyun failed to hold her giggles back any longer, pulling at Yejin’s arm. “Don’t be embarrassed! I’m not embarrassed! Shocked, maybe, but it’s healthy!”

“You have an amazing body—“ Jihyun mentioned, laughing harder when Yejin screamed out in pain, covering her ears from anymore bullying.

“I need to see your naked pictures now, then,” Yejin said out of nowhere. “There’s no way I can go through this embarrassment on my own.”

“First of all, I have nothing to embarrassed about. Secondly, Jaehyun has them under lock and key, I don’t even get to see them.”

Yejin blinked, “he keeps your photos under lock and key?”

“Ah, well, the disgusting ones are on an old phone, but there’s more to the old phone that made Jaehyun lock it up. It’s not just my asshole on display. However, if you want a conception story for this,” Jihyun pointed to her belly, “there’s an hour long video on that phone.”

“Oh, Jesus, gross,” Yejin meant to say internally, but it came out as a whisper as Jihyun threw a pillow at her.

“Gross?!”

“I don’t really want to think about Jaehyun oppa that way! It’s weird,” she mumbled. “As beautiful as you are together, he’s not my type.”

“What is your type then?” Jihyun asked, taking another pillow under her chin, “dopey eyed and nagging?”

Yejin snorted, “yeah, actually.”

“And you couldn’t find it in one so you gathered two?”

“Jaemin wasn’t planned, it just kind of happened.”

“I’ve heard that one,” Jihyun grinned, running her hand over her stomach, causing Yejin to laugh.

“I’m serious! I thought he hated me at first, Jaemin. He only glared at me for the first two weeks, but he had to get used to me. Jeno was the only person I knew in Korea when I got here, and I followed him almost everywhere. Jaemin had the key code to our apartment then, and I was always there when Jeno wasn’t, and he kind of had to settle for me until Jeno got home from wherever he was.”

“Jaemin has always been like that as a kid, especially if it was towards Jeno.” Jihyun took the time to reminisce of Jeno and Jaemin when they were younger, always offering fleeting touches whenever they were around or always searching for the others hand when they were far. “Jaemin is possessive, just like Jaehyun, but he likes to pretend he isn’t.”

“What about Jeno, then? What was he like as a kid?”

“You’re going to hate this, but Jeno was a normal kid. He played video games after school, he ate played outside with Jaemin or whatever friend he had at the time, and then he went home. There really isn’t a difference from the Jeno you’re seeing now and the Jeno then.”

“Can I ask you something?” Yejin sat up on the couch, next to Jihyun’s head as she peered up at her. “I guess I’m just a little confused, and I know that this all works with families and stuff, but did you really grow up with Jaehyun and his brothers?”

“I did. I mentioned that I was always with my dad during his jobs, and he was Jaehyun’s dad second-in-command at the time. I was always at their house, playing video games with Jaehyun because he couldn’t go outside a lot because he got sick easily. I played with Jaemin when he got older and I babysat Jisung when he was born. Jaehyun and I grew up together but we didn’t realize we had feelings for each other until we were fifteen…”

“Well, I didn’t realize I had feelings for him until I was fifteen. Jaehyun said he always knew, but I think he’s a liar.” Jihyun laughed.

Yejin smiled fondly, “that’s…kind of amazing. It all makes sense now, I guess, but what about Jeno?”

Jihyun hummed slightly to herself, “Jeno’s family…it’s a little difficult, I’m sure you gathered that already. Jeno’s dad died pretty young, and Jeno’s mom left after that but you know all about his sister.”

Yejin blinked. She racked in her brain for a mention of a sister—Jeno had mentioned his parents several times, about how his father died and his mother left, this was knowledge she had gathered from Jaemin. But a sister? Jeno nor Jaemin mentioned a sister.

Jihyun looked up from her hands to see Yejin contemplating and trying to remember. Jihyun bit her lip and sat up quickly, her head spinning.

“Jeno…Jeno hasn’t told you about her?”

“I mean no but maybe he forgot—or maybe we never got to it or maybe…” Yejin admitted defeat as she realized that Jeno never mentioned his sister and perhaps never made any plans to do so. Jihyun offered an awkward grimace.

Jihyun pondered for a moment, wondering how much she could say without offending the walls Jeno very obviously built. Should Jeno decide to tear the walls himself was one thing, however, it was not up to Jihyun to determine when and how. But, considering the hurt behind Yejin’s eyes, she gathered that it was now the time to play damage control.

“Please don’t be mad that he never told you. Jeno…he likes to be happy. He likes to feel loved and surrounded by the ones he loves—so please be understanding as to why he never told you. I don’t think he ever wanted to remember.”

“Jeno’s sister was my best friend in school. Like Jaehyun, we grew up together too and I considered her my older sister too. We were a set—Johnny oppa and Jieun unnie, Jaehyun and I. When I wasn’t at Jaehyun’s house, I was at their house after school while Jeno was always asking if Jaemin was with me. Jaemin was always attached to my hip at the time, so I guess that’s how Jeno and Jaemin got to be as close as they were.”

“Sorry, I just—“ Yejin shook her head as she tried to digest new information. Five years together and Jeno never gave a hint to a sibling. That being said, this opened a new family tree, one that was huge. “Jeno’s sister, Jieun unnie was with Johnny. Johnny’s first wife died before I got here, so that means Johnny—“

“Is Jeno’s brother in law? Yeah.”

“Then, all of Johnny’s kids are his nieces and nephews?”

Jihyun gave a sheepish smile, “…yeah.”

Yejin let her head fall against the couch, her hands on her face once again as she gripped her scalp, “what the fuck. What the fuck, Lee Jeno?!”

“This isn’t going well, is it?” Jihyun asked, her bottom lip in between her teeth as Yejin reappeared from her hands.

“What happened? Why isn’t she around what the fuck! Why didn’t Jeno tell me anything?!”

“It’s not his fault!” Jihyun quickly tried to explain. “A lot... a lot happened before you got here, Yejin. Jaehyun’s dad died earlier than we thought, alliances that we had were broken at Jaehyun’s sudden inheritance, it was a war we weren’t even slightly ready for.”

“What happened to Jeno’s sister?” Yejin asked again, noticing that Jihyun was trying to divert the conversation. Once the latter realized she had failed, she scooted closer to Yejin, taking her hands in her own and she stared at her with urgency.

“There’s only so much I can tell you, Yejin. Please understand, I was never supposed to tell you about Jieun unnie, that’s above my role. All I can tell you is that once we found out Johnny was a target, he took great care in making sure that she was safe. She took the wrong car that morning, and what was meant for Johnny landed on Jieun unnie.”

Guilt fueled in Yejin’s stomach as she realized she had pressed too hard, watching as Jihyun’s eyes watered at the memory she just barely managed to heal—only for Yejin to come and pick at the wound.

“Jeno lost everything after that. He wasn’t the same, nobody was. He left the day after the funeral and we didn’t know where he was, we looked all over Asia but we never thought he’d be in the states,” Jihyun explained quietly. “Before we could tell him to come back, he came back on his own...with you.”

“That...could be some explanation as to why Jaemin glared at you when you first came up. He was trying to protect Jeno from anything that could hurt him.”

“Jaemin thought i was going to hurt him?”

“...we all did,” Jihyun admitted. “I gave you the benefit of the doubt and thankfully it worked out for this long, but it took me a long time to get me to convince Jaehyun and Johnny oppa that you weren’t going to hurt Jeno. Meanwhile, you took care of Jaemin on your own.”

Yejin huffed, eyes pooling almost instantly as she crashed into Jihyun’s arms, “thank you for trusting me. I love Jeno, more than anything— I would never hurt him.”

She could feel Jihyun’s smile as she wrapped her arms around her body, patting her back, “I know. You don’t have to thank me, if anything, I should be thanking you. I was scared that Jeno would be broken the rest of his life, but you came and it looked like he got better...even now though, I can see that it still hurts him.”

“Regardless, I’m grateful that you were there, and although you had to find out in the most fucked up way, you never asking questions led Jeno to love and appreciate you more.”

“Does that mean that I should never bring this up?”

Jihyun sighed, “that’s a tricky question. I’m not in the position to say because it’s not my relationship and I know you’ll be opening a traumatic can of worms if you do.”

“Should I run it past Jaemin?”

“That might be your safest bet, but you’re not entirely safe from his defensiveness either, fair warning.”

Yejin sighed, still wrapped in Jihyun’s arms as she felt another member begin to squirm against her arm.

“Oh—someone’s awake.”

“She has really good timing.” Yejin mentioned quietly, lifting herself up from her Jihyun’s hold.

“She’s good at that,” Jihyun smiled gently.

Yejin took the time to lay down, watching Jihyun’s stomach stretch and pull as her baby practiced what seemed like yoga inside her. Yejin has never had information overload, but if she did, she imagined this is what it was like. Jihyun took her turn to sit on the floor then, resting her arms on the couch with her head resting against them as she carefully studied Yejin’s face.

“Talk to me, Angel.”

“I’m...just trying to process, I guess.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve never said anything, this is my fault—“

“No, it’s not. I’m not blaming anyone but I’m definitely...upset that no one told me anything until now.” Yejin played with the frayed ends of the pillow she was laying on, staring blankly at the floor. “Jeno is the person I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with, Jaemin too, so how long were they planning on keeping this from me?”

“We all have our demons, Yejin.”

“But we also have people that help us fight them. I just don’t.. I don’t understand.”

“Is there anything you’ve never told Jeno?”

“I mean, I try to be as transparent as I can with him, because I expect the same thing but—“

“—you said try?”

Yejin chewed at her cheek, “maybe I’ve kept things from Jeno and Jaem too, but it still doesn’t reach missing sibling and family information level.”

“Like?”

“Like...I don’t know! Nothing important! Little things!”

“That’s subjective.”

Yejin huffed in disbelief, “I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work on me, Jihyun unnie.”

“I’m not telling you to not be mad at Jeno. I’m just telling you, try to see why he hid it in the first place.”

Yejin grimaced, sitting back up and noticing that her stomach was fully growling at this point. It took a few more seconds for the door bell to ring, Jihyun turning her neck and chuckling to herself quietly.

“Looks like Taeyong oppa also has good timing.”

Yejin helped Jihyun get up from the floor to open the door. Yejin would only be around to thank Taeyong for coming all this way, to which she already had the entire conversation scripted in her head. Taeyong would say it was no problem and that he would do anything for Jihyun, while Jihyun would kiss him goodbye before Doyoung killed her for keeping him from his boyfriend.

The conversation went almost identically in real life, with the exception that Taeyong playfully whined from being discharged from work before greeting Yejin and kissing Jihyun goodbye.

“Let’s eat, hm? everything is better after a good meal.” Jihyun tried her best to comfort while Yejin gave her dull smiles and nods of affirmation.

Maybe this is the feeling of uncertainty and fear she was feeling the morning?

Jaemin 

Sometimes Jaemin wished he didn’t have the job he did. It was nothing against his brother, everything he started and created, and he definitely didn’t feel this disdain because of the danger that came with it. If anything, he wished he were a little further along, near Jeno’s league, doing things like staking out and shooting things…and…well…just doing the cool things that wise guys did.

But Jaemin? Jaemin is nothing but a dirty accountant and that bored him. He doesn’t understand completely why he’s here, sitting in the room along with his brother and Johnny, listening to them vent and scream to the other people on the phone about why a certain action is reckless and why Kun isn’t allowed to do x,y,z.

This is so fucking boring, and Jaemin is barely allowed to go out to take a piss.

During these times, Jaemin would usually entertain himself with Jihyun if she was home, taking time to bond with his soon-to-be sister and take advantage of her cooking, but Jihyun was over with Yejin doing God knows what and probably having ten times more fun than him.  Jaemin holds back a groan before Jaehyun gives him a look.

“Jaemin?”

“Yes hyung?”

“Have you gotten a call from anyone yet?”

“Nope, it’s almost like you forgot to pay the phone bill or something.”

Jaehyun smirked before going back to his call, “no—no Kun hyung, I’m not yelling at you, I just want an explanation…”

Jaemin cleared his throat as he heard the phone ring, noticing that Mark’s number was on. He answered it quickly, eager to talk to anyone that wasn’t himself.

“Hello?”

“Oh! Hey, Jaemin, I thought I called Jaehyun hyung’s line sorry—“

“Please don’t hang up,” Jaemin cried quietly. “If I have to listen to myself think one more time I’m going to kill myself.”

Mark laughed on the other line, bright and annoying as it always was, “well Jaem! I don’t really have anything to tell you really, but I can think of someone who does.”

Jaemin perked up on the other side of the phone as there was silence, a few shuffles, and then a familiar voice on the line, “Hello?”

“Hey stud,” Jaemin grinned.

Jeno scoffed on the other line and he could almost imagine the roll of his eyes, “behave—Mark hyung is right here.”

“It’s not like he can hear me, you’re the one making a big deal,” Jaemin defended. “How are you? Everything okay?”

Jeno hummed, “yeah. It’s pretty boring right now. The suspected building is an orphanage—we really aren’t seeing anything but a whole bunch of kids.”

Jaemin narrowed his eyes, “you think they’re doing work in an orphanage?”

“I’m not sure, I guess that’s what we’re here to find out. But what better way to recruit than build a false sense of family with illicit business.”

“You’re the one to talk.”

Jeno chuckled, “I know. Anyway, the phone service here is suspicious and goes in and out every two hours. It might be really hard for me to call Yejinie later…do you think you could tell her?”

“Of course. She might cry.”

Jeno whined, “why would you tell me that? I’m going to feel awful all day.”

“I’m kidding. Odds are she’s going to be pretty disappointed but I honestly doubt that she’ll cry about it—not over the phone at least.”

“Just tell her I love her and that I’m sorry. I’ll call her as soon as I can.”

“I’ll pass it along.”

“Thank you. And Jaem?”

“Hm?”

“I love you too.”

Jaemin’s ears burned before he could laugh and react, “I love you. Don’t forget to call.”

“I won’t. I’m nearing the end of the hour, service is about to shut off again.”

“Okay, okay—I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Jaemin hung up the phone at the same time Jaehyun and Johnny had, both with grave looks on their faces. Jaehyun was the first to exhale and rub his face harshly before pulling it back, staring at the phone in front of him.

“I can’t wait til this blows over,” Jaehyun groaned.

“It’s only two more days, we should be good,” Johnny cleared his throat. He looked over at Jaemin and cocked his head, “did Jeno tell you anything?”

“How did you know I was talking to Jeno?”

“Do you usually tell anyone else you love them?”

Jaemin snorted and recounted the quick information he was told from his boyfriend, not long before Jaehyun nodded.

“It’s the same thing Mark just told me,” Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair before glancing over at Johnny. “Hyung, what if we got this all wrong?”

Johnny shook his head, “it’s only 6:30. We don’t have the slightest idea as to what they do at night, and if we got it all wrong then we keep looking. That’s all.”

Jaehyun stood up from his chair and stretched his neck, “I’m going to take a break. Take one if you all need one.”

Without another word, Jaehyun exited the room as Jaemin watched Johnny sink in his chair further.

“Hyung,” he started, carefully. “Do you think we have it all wrong?”

Johnny used his knuckles to rub the underside of his chin, scratching at the prickly hairs that were forming as he stared at the wall mindlessly, “I don’t have a clue, Jaemin.”

Jaemin’s jaw tensed before staring at Johnny for a few moments, not long before he decided to take a break and call Yejin now that he had the change.

The call went as he expected, she was delighted to hear from him and disappointed to find out she wouldn’t be hearing from Jeno tonight. He had asked how it was going between the two of them, both Jihyun and the baby and Yejin recounted that it was going great, and that it felt nice to have someone around the two days that neither he or Jeno would be around. They chatted very little, as Jaehyun reentered the meeting room before Jaemin did, prompting him to end the call a little earlier than he would’ve liked.

So then, the cycle continued. Jaemin continued to stare at his phone in silence as Johnny and Jaehyun returned to arguing with whomever was on the phone at that time. Jaemin couldn’t begin to think how people in office jobs could do this—quite honestly, it made him sick to his stomach. Regardless, noon came around quicker than he thought it would, and they had delivered Chinese food considering his brother was being stingy with the food in the fridge. Hour passed quicker after lunch as they were allowed another break, but Jaemin took advantage of this to take a nap, falling asleep on the meeting room couch before being woken up two hours later, graciously as Jaehyun had let him sleep in.

Jaemin peeked at his brother through his eyelashes, watching as he discussed quietly with Johnny over the plan time and time again, feeling sick to his stomach as he felt a wave of deja vu hit him like a truck. Jaemin, when he was younger and before Jisung was born, was often attached to his father and always sat around in his office despite his father lecturing him on secrecy. Granted, at the time, Jaemin didn’t know anything that his father did, nor did he care, he just remembered sitting on the couch playing on whatever handheld device he had while he argued with his right hand man, who was then Jihyun’s father.

Jaehyun now looked almost identical to their father in his earlier years. The same frown, the same hand on his chin whenever he was thinking…even the way he stood over the phone to speak into it was the same, as well as the same curses and swears their father used to say. Jaemin closed his eyes all the way and pretended, just for a moment, that he was the same 8 year old boy taking a nap on the dusty worn out couch, hiding from his eccentric mother only for a second’s worth of silence. It didn’t work, however, as he heard his landline ring, and he was rushed out of his daydream.

He noticed it was later now, closer to dinner time as he reached to answer the phone. The number was Mark’s again, and he answered swiftly only to hear him cut off just when Mark answered hello.

“That phone cut off is a bitch,” Jaemin groaned, still somewhat bleary eyes and cranky. “How are we supposed to call them if someone over there is cutting off the phone lines every two to three hours?!”

“That’s what we were talking about just now,” Jaehyun sighed. “I feel like we have the right place, they aren’t cutting phone lines for no reason, much less a good one, so the orphanage has to be a front.”

“Unless they’re trying to save money?” Johnny pressed.

Jaehyun shook his head, “an orphanage? Cutting off service? Hyung, the orphanage should be the first place that has phone service, delivery calls, emergency calls, calls from adoptions agencies. There’s no reason why those phones shouldn’t and wouldn’t be ringing off the wall.”

“That’s what you would think.”

Jaehyun blew a short breath out of his nose before rubbing his chin, “yeah. That is what I would think.”

Soon after, dinner time came along but neither party was hungry enough to eat—just from the sheer anxiety from Mark’s incomplete call. More so because it’s been two hours, and he has yet to call again. A clean-up operation rarely goes wrong, especially if Mark and Jeno are behind it, but Jaemin still can’t help to feel a sense of unnerving fear to him, one that threatens the lunch in his stomach.

Ten pm and Johnny had left to his room, Jaehyun and Jaemin being the only two in the rooms, both waiting for someone to say something. After a few minutes, Jaehyun turned to Jaemin and gave him an awkward smile.

“You can go to bed, Jaem. I’ll probably be up late anyway.”

“I think I’ll stay here for a little bit, if that’s okay,” Jaemin returned the smile before Yejin came to mind. “But, I’ll take a break real quick. If that’s okay.”

Jaehyun nodded, “of course.”

Jaemin got up from his seat, freezing once he heard Jaehyun clear his throat, “hey, Jaemin? You don’t have to but—“

“Yeah, I’ll ask about Jihyun noona.” Jaemin smiled widely, relief washing over Jaehyun as he gave him a genuine smile this time.

“Thank you.”

Jaemin left the room for a bit of privacy, opting for the smaller meeting room and taking a seat in one of the armchairs. After a single dial tone, Yejin answered almost immediately.

“Jaem?”

“Hi Angel,” Jaemin smiled, fatigue flowing out of his fingertips as his heart beats happily. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Jihyun unnie went to bed kind of early, about an hour ago.”

“Jaehyun hyung asked me to check on her, is she okay?”

“You won’t believe it but she’s given birth and the baby has taken it’s first steps.”

Jaemin laughed, “you’re lucky I’m not my brother, I wouldn’t have found it remotely funny.”

“I wouldn’t dream of saying any of this to your brother in the first place,” Yejin laughed. “How are you, baby? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is okay here. I slept for a while so time went a lot faster,” Jaemin reassured, “it really is the most boring fucking job in the world. It’s like a call center but for illegal things.”

Yejin giggled, “when we’re old we can go to a farm. You, me, and Jeno raising chickens.”

“That’s all I want, let’s buy a farm house right now.”

“God no, if I’m around a farm I’ll kill myself.”

Jaemin grinned and played with the hem of his shirt, taking the time to listen to Yejin’s soft sighs before she continued, “have you heard from Jeno?”

“I haven’t. I’m sorry, baby. When he called the line went flat and I wasn’t able to talk to him.”

“oh. okay.”

“I’m sure I’ll talk to him tomorrow morning. He’s leaving the site tonight for another one, hopefully this one has better reception and I won’t have to play messenger.”  

“Hopefully. It feels weird not having either of you here, it’s too quiet—more so now that Jihyun unnie went to sleep.”

“I told you you’d miss us when we’re not around.”

“How was I supposed to know I’d miss your annoying whining?”

“You’re supposed to miss me, every single waking moment of your life.”

“You’re psychotic,”

“Psychotically in love…with you,” Jaemin cooed, laughing wholeheartedly when he heard her gag over the phone.

“Just now I was beginning to think I believed Jihyun unnie when she said Jaehyun oppa gave you a run for your money in affection. But you really are disgusting,“

“Babe he really does give me a run for my money,” Jaemin grinned. “It’s actually disgusting.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,”

“Yeah right, over his dead body. Major tsundere—maybe even abusive.”

“Now you’re just being an asshole—“

Jaemin jumped at the sound of the door swinging open, his brother shoving his coat on as he gave Jaemin a frantic look. “We have to go. Now.”

“What—?”

“Now, Jaemin!”

Jaemin scurried on his feet, “Yejin? Baby? I’ve got to go, okay? I’ll call you in a little.”

“Jaemin? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“I uh,” he cleared his throat and ran to grab his jacket before shoving it on with his phone pressed between his cheek and shoulder. “I don’t know yet, angel. I’m sorry. I’ll call you.”

“O-okay. Be safe, I love you.”

“I love you, sweetheart. So much.” Jaemin blew a kiss into the receiver before hanging up, shoving the device in his pocket as he caught the gun Jaehyun tossed him midair. Johnny had already started the car outside as he was being led inside.

“Hyung, what the fuck is going on?” He asked after settling in his seat.

“Mark called. He told me Jeno was bringing the car around when they flipped the car over.”

Jaemin felt his heart fall to his feet and the bile rise in his throat, “what? What do you mean? Who’s they? Is Jeno okay? Is he still there?”

“We don’t know. I don’t know anything.” Jaehyun admitted quietly.

Jaemin clenched his jaw, “what do you mean you don’t fucking know anything?”

“He’s at the hospital, unresponsive.” Johnny added sourly. “Your brother didn’t want to tell you that bit.”

Jaemin’s breath is shallow as he glared at Johnny through the rearview mirror, somehow also begging him to tell him that this was some kind of sick fucking joke. Jaemin tried to regulate his breathing until he got to the hospital, Johnny dropping both Jaehyun and Jaemin at the doors.

Jaemin pushed through people, causing his older brother to apologize for his behavior despite Jaehyun calling out for him to wait for him. He reached the reception desk and demanded for Lee Jeno’s room, only to make the nurse behind the desk stare at him in confusion.

“Are you fucking deaf? Lee. Je. No. Do I have to spell it out—?”

“Jaemin, take a seat,” Jaehyun suddenly said behind him, taking his arm and gently nudging him to the side before Jaemin snatched his arm out of his hold.

“No.This is all your fault, this would’ve never happened if-“

“Excuse me,” said Jaehyun suddenly, giving the receptionist a smile before bowing. He took Jaemin’s arm again, this time much harder as he pulled him in an empty hallway.

“Is that how you speak to someone who is trying to help you?” Jaehyun seethed quietly, glaring at his youngest brother as his grip tightened around his arm.

Jaemin’s jaw was set as he glared at his brother in return, tears filling his eyes as he refused to reply.

“Speak.” He growled, “you had no problem speaking up when you were in front of the nurse and you will do the same now if you had something worthwhile to say.”

Jaemin remained silent as Jaehyun let go of his arm, “that’s what I fucking thought. I give you a lot of slack because you’re my brother Jaemin, but don’t disrespect me again. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, hyung.” Jaemin spat, his eyes now on the floor as he watched a tear fall onto his shoe.

“You will stay here, I will go speak to the receptionist. If you make another scene, so help me God, Jaemin I will fuck you up myself. Do I make myself clear?”

Jaemin nodded, falling against the wall as he slowly slid down while bystanders walk past him.

He felt as if he had been staring at the wall for hours until he heard a familiar voice next to him. He looked up to see Mark with a grim look on his face. Jaemin stood up and Mark didn’t waste any time in taking his hands and bowing deeply. He was saying something but even then he could pinpoint what the words were.

“…so sorry, Jaem. It should’ve been me, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be like that, hyung,” Jaemin felt like he was speaking underwater, too calm and too distant. “I’d feel just as awful if it were you.”

“He’s okay, though.” Mark continued. Jaemin must’ve not been speaking this entire time. “He’s concussed, real bad. A lot of broken bones, but he’ll be out of surgery soon. He’s alive, Jaem.”

“Where is he?” Jaemin barely got out, surprising Mark.

“In surgery still, it’ll be a few more hours, but we can go to the waiting room,” Mark wrapped an am around Jaemin’s shoulder. “Do you want to call Yejin?”

Jaemin shook his head, looking at the time on his wrist before looking back at Mark, “no. She should get some rest, I’ll tell her tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? She’s probably worried right now.”

“She won’t sleep if I tell her tonight, it’s best if we wait until morning.”

Mark grimaced before nodding, leading Jaemin into the waiting room where Jaehyun and Johnny sat on the opposite side. Jaemin made sure he didn’t sit down until he glared at his brother once more, listening to Mark give him his entire story. 

previous

next

masterlist

[vrepitsorrynotsorry]

Voltron Exchange Gift

Title: A Pox on You Recipient: @voxiferous (The @ isn’t working… Have you changed your name? I hope this finds you and you enjoy it.) for @voltronexchange  Rating: PG Pairing: Hunk/Keith (established implied); narrated in Hunk POV, though not first-person. Other Characters: The whole Voltron crew (which of course includes Coran), Matt, and Lotor, but they appear fairly briefly. The main focus was meant to be Hunk and Keith. Warnings/Spoilers: Spoils through the end of Season 4. There is discussion of minor ickiness that goes with being sick, as this is a sick!fic. If you’re very sensitive to that kind of thing, be aware. There is also very brief and what I feel to be mild and absolutely necessary to be addressed angst. A/N: The idea for this struck me during a recent stay home from work with some horrible coughing, fever, achy monster of a bug. This is approximately equal parts being sick is awful and wishful thinking that I could have somebody looking after me. Also, I hope I did the ship justice. It’s my first time writing the pairing.

Hunk totally got why Keith felt he had to go off with the Blades, but that didn’t mean he liked it, and it definitely didn’t mean he didn’t miss his boyfriend like crazy. This most recent major victory should mean they could all catch a break for a while, right? You know, after they figured out what they were going to do with Lotor.

As tended to be the case, Allura, Coran, and Shiro were debating the pros and cons of letting the guy stay at the castle with what could be graciously called relative self-control, and everybody else occasionally interjected less diplomatic opinions. For his part, Lotor was wisely silent, watching the conversation intently. Hunk was mostly keeping out of it too, but not because he had no opinion–his was “Heck no!” by the way–but because Keith was all the way across the room, and he was acting…weird.

Hunk started casually inching his way around the perimeter. Keith didn’t notice, which was unusual. His normally sharp and attentive eyes were unfocused, and he was slumping over much more than his usual, casual slouch. He was sweating, and he kept pulling at the collar of his Blade of Marmora uniform and scratching furtively at any places not covered by armor. As he he got closer, Hunk could also make out what looked like faint, blue spots on Keith’s face.

“Hey, you okay?” He rested a hand gently on Keith’s shoulder and the normally hyper-alert fighter jumped. It was another clear indication that the answer was “no.”

“I’m not feeling too great,” Keith downplayed his condition, which was a bit of normal behavior.

“I’m not surprised. We’ve all been really stressed lately, and you haven’t had my awesome home-cooking to bolster your immune system.”

Keith’s mouth twitched into a small smile. “I wonder what kind of crazy alien bug I managed to catch.”

“Galra pox.” The voice made them both jump. Lotor had somehow snuck up next to them. “I can’t recall the scientific name off the top of my head.”

“This is a private conversation,” Keith snarled, eyes narrowed. “Don’t you have more important things to worry about?” He cocked his head at the still furiously arguing group in the center of the room.

“They’ve begun to repeat themselves,” Lotor offered, obligingly turning his piercing gaze back to the debate about his own fate. “It’s a fairly harmless virus, but I strongly suggest you go lie down before you fall down.” With that parting comment, he sauntered back over to the spot he’d been sitting previously. Good riddance.

Keith huffed, and at first, Hunk thought he may have said that aloud, but then his boyfriend mumbled, “I’m not that far gone.”

Two seconds later, he proved himself wrong by stumbling, and he might have actually fallen, but Hunk was there to help prop him up. Of freaking course, everybody looked over at that moment.

“Keith?” multiple voices chorused.

“Is he injured?”

“What happened?”

“What should we do?”

Hunk knew that if Keith had the strength, he would have been out of that room in a flash, embarrassed to be caught in such a blatant display of weakness, even though it wasn’t his fault at all.

When Keith said nothing and they all started to crowd closer, Hunk decided to cut in. Keith could chew him out later if he wanted.

“He’s okay, really! He’s just come down with a little bug, that’s all. Nothing some rest and fluids won’t fix. I’ll help him to his room, and you guys can just pick up where you left off.”

Some of them, Shiro in particular, didn’t seem very convinced. There was a long, awkward pause.

“I believe we were back on con number one again,” Lotor offered blankly, face resting on one fist, for all the world like he didn’t care at all about their decision, “that I’m prince of the Galra.”

That got the conversation going again! It gave Hunk a chance to half-drag Keith out of the room without further delay though, so maybe Lotor had one, tiny point in his favor in Hunk’s book. Maybe.

The door to Keith’s quarters slid open and Hunk wrinkled his nose at the stale air. Nobody had been in here in quite some time. Keith stumbled toward the bed, but Hunk rerouted him to his desk chair.

“Uh uh, man! You gotta let me change the sheets first so you’re nice and comfy.” Keith let out a whiny grumble of protest but obediently let Hunk go about preparing the bunk to his satisfaction. Then Hunk helped his boyfriend strip off the more rigid outer armor of the Blade getup, and Keith snuggled under the blankets. He was still shivering and he looked pretty miserable.

“Want some company?” Hunk asked.

“ ‘M all gross,” Keith complained. “You sure?”

“I am totally like the world’s–scratch that–the universe’s best electric blanket. Scooch over.”

Hunk spooned up behind the smaller man and let his lips rest briefly on the nape of his neck. Yep, he definitely had a fever!

“I’ve missed you,” Hunk offered into the quiet. “You were gone so long, I think Lance was making a move on the ‘moody one’ spot. You know, to maintain the balance.” he teased.

“No way,” Keith snickered. “He can’t stay serious for more than a few minutes at a time!”

“Ah, you don’t mean that. I’ve known the guy for years–he could do it. I could totally take over as ‘goofball.’ ”

“Who would be the ‘voice of reason?’ ”

Hunk let out a mock dramatic sigh. “I guess you’ve got me there! Anyways, it’s good to have you back here, next to me.”

“Good to be back. I missed you, too.” Hunk could tell he was finally starting to nod off, and he waited until Keith’s breathing was deep and even before letting his own eyelids droop closed.

***

He didn’t know how long they slept, but it sure didn’t feel like long enough before Keith woke him up scratching at the blue spots.

“Stop that,” he grumbled and Keith stilled. A stomach growled, and Hunk honestly wasn’t sure whose.

“I’m going to go get us something to eat and drink and something for that funky rash. Can I trust you to behave for a few minutes?”

“Who me?” Keith asked with smirk. Good, he was feeling well enough to make stupid jokes.

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

***

When he entered the galley–it was a castle ship–he found Pidge, Matt, and Lance picking at some food goo. While he was grateful they hadn’t messed up his carefully arranged system for the space, that was just sad.

“I’m going to make some soup,” he told them. “You guys are welcome to some.”

“Awesome!” Lance hooted. “How’s Keith doing?”

“He’s resting. Well, when I make him, he is.

“Where’s everybody else, and did you guys decide what to do with Prince Pain-in-the-neck?”

Everyone frowned at the question. “Apparently, the ‘Paladin Code’ says we can’t just let him die if he came to us for help,” Lance explained. “We’re taking turns keeping an eye on him since he won’t stay locked up.”

“Huh?” Hunk began gathering ingredients as he awaited further details.

“Matt and I programmed one of the personal quarters’ doors to only open from the outside with a password,” Pidge told him sullenly, “but he figured out how to open it somehow.”

“So, he escaped?” Next, Hunk roughly chopped some veggies and herbs and set them to boil in some water. He was getting pretty good at finding alternatives for Earth ingredients.

“No,” Matt added with a shrug. “According to the castle surveillance he didn’t leave the room or do anything. It’s like he just opened the door to show us that he could.”

“Sure made Allura mad, anyway.” Lance paused to chuckle. “She tried to punch him right in the nose, but that guy is crazy fast! Shiro and Coran had to drag her off ‘im. Since we can’t have him just wandering around, somebody’s got to be with him all the time. It’s Coran’s turn right now, but Allura and Shiro are always stalking him, even when it’s not their turns. The rebels are still hanging around, but the Blades disappeared, like usual.”

A quick sip of the broth and a few adjustments later, Hunk set the heating surface to a good level and turned to the others. “Well, that’s got to cook for a while yet. I’m going to let the others know there’ll be soup soon and check on Keith again. Maybe later I can see if we can bump up the hardware on the locks as well as the software.”

“I think Coran brought Lotor to the common room after he mentioned some old Altean game,” Pidge told him.

Sure enough, Hunk located Coran and Lotor staring each other down over an elaborate board covered in small, carved pieces sitting on the small table in the middle of the room. Shiro and Allura were propping up a nearby wall with identical disapproving frowns on their faces and crossed arms.

Shiro was closer to the door, so Hunk leaned next to him and took a moment to observe the “game.” Neither player seemed to be doing much of anything other than maintaining eye contact. Hunk’s eyes were starting to water in sympathy.

“Not exactly a nail-biter of a game, is it?” Hunk remarked.

“Apparently, it’s more about reading the other player than moving the pieces,” Shiro explained. “It sounds a little like Earth chess from what I could gather.”

Hunk grunted. “I never understood chess.”

“Really?” Shiro asked, honest surprise in his voice. “You seem like the kind of guy who would love strategy games. You never learned?”

“That’s not what I said,” Hunk returned with a grin. “I know the rules to chess, I just don’t understand them. They’re pretty random. I mean, knights can jump over other pieces because of the horse, okay, but why only in little L-shapes? Seems overly complicated.”

Shiro rolled his eyes but smiled himself. “Did you need something? Is Keith okay?”

“Keith’s all right for now. I’m making some soup.”

“Soup?” Lotor asked without blinking or looking away from his eye-lock with Coran.

“Oh, it’s a delightful human food subset that’s primarily liquid and can be eaten either hot or cold, but usually hot,” Coran elaborated, hands moving animatedly but eyes never moving, either.

“Liquid,” Lotor mused, “but it’s a food and not a beverage?”

“Coran!” Allura scolded. “What did we say about not giving away any information that wasn’t absolutely necessary?”

“Oh yes,” Lotor scoffed in a dry tone, “once I inevitably betray you and return to the Empire with the secrets of soup, we will be truly unstoppable.”

Hunk made a strategic withdrawal while Shiro did his best to keep Allura from committing cold-blooded murder with her bare hands.

***

Just before the door to Keith’s room slid open, Hunk heard frantic scrambling behind it, and Keith was in his desk chair again when it did.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” Hunk asked him, and then his eyes narrowed. “You weren’t working out or something were you?”

“Not exactly,” Keith hedged.

“You’re supposed to be taking it easy–you’re sick!”

“I don’t like feeling useless,” Keith complained. “If I’m just lying around in here, I’m not helping anybody.”

“Sure you are,” Hunk argued. “You’re helping me and my peace of mind. Everybody else’s too, I bet. Besides, you’re always there for us when we need you.”

“I almost wasn’t.” Keith scowled. “You don’t know what it was like thinking there was no way to help you guys.”

Hunk huffed. “We’ve all been in those situations with Voltron. We always figure out something in the end. I mean, you had a plan before Lotor swooped in, right?” Keith looked away. “Right?” Alarm bells went off in the back of Hunk’s mind. “What was the plan, Keith?” he asked in a kind but firm tone.

Keith mumbled something unintelligible, but Hunk wasn’t about to let it drop. “I was going to crash into the shield, okay?” he finally blurted.

Hunk gaped for a couple of moments as he processed that, then dragged Keith out of the chair and into a tight hug. Keith squawked in protest but Hunk ignored him.

“You are not expendable,” Hunk stated firmly. “I’m not going to make a big deal of this because it didn’t actually happen, but I am gonna make sure you know you’ve got people who care a whole lot about you and that you never even consider that kind of plan again. Sound good?”

When Keith didn’t respond right away, he squeezed a little tighter.

“Fine!” Keith wheezed, and when Hunk finally let up, he smiled up at his taller boyfriend. “It wasn’t like it was a choice I was going to be happy to make. I fully realize it was pretty dumb.”

“Good. Now get back in that bed, and you’d better still be there when I come back with soup.”

***

Hunk managed to break the staring contest when he plunked a bowl of steaming soup down on the table next to Lotor. The Galra prince blinked at him in genuine surprise. “I’m allowed to have some of your soup?”

“Yeah,” Hunk agreed with a shrug. “You probably don’t really deserve it, so don’t push your luck.”

“Thank you.” Lotor sniffed at a spoonful, blew on it to cool it down a little, and took a bite. It was that girl in the food court of the space mall all over again, and Hunk had to admit he loved it when anybody enjoyed his food that much.

Hunk had just delivered Coran’s bowl of soup when Lotor found the use of words again. It was a nice, peaceful five ticks while it lasted.

“You should probably go lie down and stop handling other people’s food for a while,” Lotor said much less arrogantly than usual.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Hunk asked defensively and then realized he was scratching a blue spot on the back of his hand. Ah, quiznak. He should have seen that coming.

“You know,” Coran offered, “nunvill is also an excellent skin ointment. I’ll bring a bottle by for you later.”

“Nunvill?” Lotor perked up. “Do you brew your own?”

“Of course! Would you like to try a bit?”

“Coran!” Allura was glaring sternly again. “He’s not a guest.”

“So, I am a prisoner, then?” Lotor asked with a smirk.

“I never said that.”

“Then what am I, precisely?”

“On my last nerve is what!”

Hunk made a quick exit again. He had somewhere more pleasant to be.

***

He rigged a bed tray out of a few items in the galley and brought two bowls back for himself and Keith. He nudged the smaller man closer to the wall, partly because it was easier to get in that side of the bed and partly because that way Keith couldn’t try and get up again without him knowing.

“Good news,” Hunk announced as he cheerily flashed his own blue spot, “we get to look forward to some awesome downtime together.”

Keith chuckled. “How can you be happy about getting sick?”

“We have a legitimate excuse to snuggle all day and get out of training and chores. Coran’s going to bring us something for the itching. What’s not to enjoy?”

Keith scooted over so they were connected all along one side and smiled down at his soup bowl. “You’re right. Sounds pretty great.”

[darklarru]

all of them. just fckin.. all of them. every single question. 1-100. good luck comrade.

fuck u, here it is:

1.      Is a kiss considered cheating?

-if theykiss a boy idm.

2.      Have you ever faked orgasm?

-yeahlmao

3.      If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

-shapeshifting

4.      Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

-I fuckinhope so

5.      Tell us some funny drunk story.

-oh man,ive only been smashed once, and it was a night full of regrets and a lot ofcheating and gay stuff happened.

6.      Why are you no longer together with your ex?

-u knowwhat. fuck my ex, he was a manipulative cheating cunt and he broke up with meover snapchat.

7.      If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? 

-bathtuband sleeping pills, im out painlessly.

8.      What are your current goals?

-be asuccessful bitch and build myself up.

9.      Do you like someone?

-wheneverI think of feelings I take a shot so idk..

10.   Who was the last person to disappoint you?

-my ex.

11.   Do you like your body?

-eh imgetting there

12.   Can you keep a diet?

-no lmao

13.   If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

-don’t discriminateagainst sex workers and treat them like actual people.

14.   Do you work?

-yep, gota retail job and everything.

15.   If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, whatwould it be?

-ayesalad, bc anything you cut up and put in a bowl is salad, so pizza salad, fruitsalad, ice cream salad, anything.

16.   Would you get a tattoo?

-hellyeah, im actually thinking about getting this floral one on my thigh, gottalike, tell my mum tho.

17.   Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

-theperson I love,,

18.   Can you drive?

Ive onlyhad like, one driving test ever.

19.   When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

-at therink on Friday? Someone said I was beautiful and that my ex didn’t deserve me:)

20.   What was the last thing you cried for?

-when I drinkI don’t cry, so ive been drinking a lot.

21.   Do you keep a journal?

-yep,serves as my receipts.

22.   Is life fun?

-ehhhhitll get there.

23.   Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

-I don’t reallycare, just warn me so I have time to get out of there.

24.   What’s your dream car?

-somethingI don’t have to use petrol for.

25.   Are grades in school important?

-justnail ur finals and ur good.

26.   Describe your crush.

-its tooearly homie

27.   What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?

-WONDERWOMAN HOLY SHIT A+

28.   What was your last lie?

-im fine

29.   Dumbest lie you ever told? 

-idk, I normallytell the truth, its such an effort to lie.

30.   Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

-no I doit all the time lmao

31.   Something you did and you are proud of?

-Teamedup with my Best Friend and Absolutely Called the shit out of my Ex out andfuckin roasted him.

32.   What’s your favourite cocktail?

-I haven’tdelved into cocktails too much yet, ive been drinking straight.

33.   Something you are good at?

-iceskating?? idk

34.   Do you like small kids?

-I hatekids so much

35.   How are you feeling right now?

-There

36.   What would you name your daughter/son?

-daughter:Lavender? Idk I just watched matilda and I was like what a pretty name, andboys: Christian?  

37.   What do you need to be happy?

-abillion dollars

38.   Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

-my ex

39.   What was the last gift you received?

-does mycoworker buying everyone hot chocolates and frozen cokes during their shiftcount as a gift

40.   What was the last gift you gave?

-a fidgetcube?

41.   What was the last concert you went to?

-panic atthe disco in January :D

42.   Favourite place to shop at?

-ittotally was this gothic shop in Newtown, but then it moved and I don’t knowwhere it is anymore :/

43.   Who inspires you?

-myselfbitch

44.   How old were you when you first got drunk?

-18

45.   How old were you when you first got high?

-never

46.   When was your first kiss?

-when I was15? 16?

47.   Something you want to do until the end of this year?

-be amermaid, like fr, go follow mermaid_shelly on Instagram no joke.

48.   Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

-dated myex

49.   Post a selfie.

-heres alink instead: http://darklarru.tumblr.com/post/161374174865/cat-cafe-aesthetic

50.   Who are you most comfortable around?

-my BestFriend

51.   Name one thing that terrifies you.

-to loseeverything I worked for

52.   What kind of books do you read?

-haventread a book in so long, but I like the fantasy genre

53.   What would you tell your 12 year old self?

-girl,girl, u gay as fuck

54.   What is your favourite flower?

-roses!!

55.   Any bad habits you have?

-speakingquietly

56.   What kind of people are you attracted to?

-peoplewho think the same as me

57.   What was the last thing you cried for?

-my ex :/

58.   Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

-pickles,what r they doin, get outta here

59.   Are you in love?

-yeah imalways in love

60.   Something you find romantic?

-tealightcandles

61.   How long was your longest relationship? 

-like 3or 4 months

62.   What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

-wereso,, bitchy.

63.   What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? 

-they don’tknow what the fuck is up, they don’t listen, they always horny, theyre kindaviolent, theyre more hardcore and aggressive physically.

64.   What are you saving money for?

-anothermermaid tail,,, but also a house I guess

65.   How would you describe your bad side?

-emotional,angry, violent, temperamental, not thinking,, idk

66.   Are you actually a good person? Why?

-sometimesI guess, I try not to be shitty, but some people fuckin deserve it.

67.   What are you living for?

-a future

68.   Have you ever done anything illegal?

-probably

69.   Do you like your body?

-yeahsometimes

70.   Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

-notunless we were fighting

71.   Ever sent nudes?

-whohasnt

72.   Have you ever cheated on someone?

-I cheatedon a guy with girl and I was very drunk, but then we said same sex cheating wasokay

73.   Favourite candy?

-redfrogs, gummy bears

74.   Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

-imbarely on this hell site

75.   Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

-adarkroomwas one of my Faves

76.   Favourite TV series?

-w.i.t.c.h.what a Classic

77.   Are you religious? Does God exist?

-yeah, imchill w god.

78.   What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?

-I haven’tread a book in so long yall.

79.   What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

-kudos tothem who r doin it but I really love chicken.

80.   How long have you been on Tumblr?

-sinceyear 9, so like, 2013

81.   Do you like Chineese food?

-I am Chinese

82.   McDonalds or Subway?

-subwayyyy

83.   Vodka or whiskey?

-fuuuuuuck,,,fucking love vodka but it makes my face screw up in a bad expression, and I lovefireball whiskey, but like, vodka gets me fucked up faster.

84.   Alcohol or drugs?

-alcohol,don’t do drugs kids

85.   Ever been out of your province/state/country?

-ya

86.   Meaning behind your blog name?

-I lovetypos

87.   What gets you up in the morning?

-spite.

88.   What are you scared of?

-a lot ofthings

89.   Last time you were insulted?

-wednesday

90.   Most traumatic experience ?

-my bf atthe time, was fuckin, chewin his toenails in his mouth, and I forgot bc he wasbein sweet n he stuck his tongue out to touch mine, n I stuck mine out too n I fuckni,,.,,,. touched the toenail w my mouth I nearly threw up, I felt my soul ejectfrom my body for a second.

91.   Perfect date idea?

-picnicdaate, and watching the stars and cuddling

92.   Favourite app on your phone?

-instagram?I check it the most.

93.   What colour are the walls in your room?

-white

94.   Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

-daviddobrik tbh

95.   Share your favourite quote.

-ifsomeone tells you that they hurt you, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.

96.   What is the meaning of life?

-when thestreets are empty and the moon is shining and nobody is awake and its chilly,but your alone and maybe the wind is blowing through the grass, or whatever.

97.   Do you like horror movies?

-fuck nah

98.   Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

-I signedup for Netflix and didn’t tell her.

99.   Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

-I amspecial

100. Can you keep a secret?

-ya justmake sure u tell me its important.