#i am so frustrated the amount of recreational drug abuse i partook in and antidepressants are what permanently fucked me up lol

[snarltoothed]

i should probably be trying to identify which foods make my intestines unhappy but i’m gonna be honest i don’t think cutting out dairy and bread and added sugar will help with the anhedonia like am i happy when i’m bloated and my ass hurts? no! but i’m also not happy when my brain refuses to produce dopamine and i’m working with no “official” ADHD diagnosis and therefore no treatment so i’m stuck with an extremely dulled dopamine response and am therefore drawn to foods like cheese and bread and sweets because food and music are the only legal options for dopamine acquistion… well and weed but the weed is mostly to help me cope with the chronic digestive discomfort, joint pain, myalgia, TMJ tension headaches, and anxiety >.> and even IF i did get an “official” ADHD diagnosis (why is it even listed in my MEDICAL RECORDS if it doesn’t COUNT?) there is exactly 1 drug used (in the US, maybe somewhere else has other drugs similar to modafinil idk) to treat ADHD that doesn’t significantly increase serotonin or norepinephrine levels but it actually isn’t an ADHD drug it’s a narcolepsy drug and due to medical misogyny it likely isn’t an option for me because despite being CELIBATE i have female reproductive issues and the only treatment for THOSE is fucking oral contraceptives which modafinil conveniently counteracts and the norepinephrine from other stimulants wouldn’t matter that much even with the excess norepinephrine i was producing on account of having POTS… IF SOME DUMBASS DOCTOR DIDN’T TELL ME SNRIS WERE PERFECTLY SAFE FOR PEOPLE WITH POTS AND LESS LIKELY TO CAUSE ANXIETY AND OTHER NEGATIVE SIDE EFFECTS THAN ADHD MEDICATION… DESPITE SNRIS NOT BEING RECOMMENDED FOR POTS PATIENTS IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCE BECAUSE SHOCKINGLY, THEY INCREASE NOREPINEPHRINE LEVELS MORE THAN ADHD MEDS DO! BECAUSE ADHD MEDS DO NOT INHIBIT NOREPINEPHRINE REUPTAKE!NOR DO THEY INHIBIT SEROTONIN REUPTAKE, WHICH INCREASES SEROTONIN LEVELS! WHICH IN TURN INCREASES NOREPINEPHRINE LEVELS EVEN MORE!!!