#i am sad they deserve sm better

[dragonsbone]

━━ and if we don't live forever, maybe one day we'll trade places. darling, you will bury me before i bury you ( insp )

tag list 🧚🏻‍♂️ : @zoyazenik @prosemoireia @dio-nysvs @kiara-carrera @fleetwoodmcs @daisyjohvson @aaudace @jessiemieli @chlobenet @iron-parkr @elmunson @luucypevensie @nefertiris @julianblackthcrns @darkwolf76 @megdonnellys @edshopper @bravelittleflower @lepetitchoux @fiercefray @misshiraeth98 @fragilestorm @notanannoyingfangirl @phoebestarks @ichorwithwine @darkling-er @purpleyearning @lovehermioneforever @stanshollaand @eddiemunscns @hiddenqveendom @foxesandmagic @nik2blog @daughter-of-melpomene @impales @arrthurpendragon @dyhlanobrien @fakedatings @princessmadelines @stachedocs @toilandtroubled @eddysocs @keepyourelectriceyeonmebabe @emilykaldwen

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[spr1ng]

i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained

[somebodylovesyougcv]

no because young sheldon is a portrait of a dysfunctional but authentic working class american family and no one wants to talk about that with me

[duchessofhandalore]

I promise I am very normal about The Duchess Satine.

I definitely haven’t seen every TCW episode with Satine over and over again instead of watching other TCW episodes. I don’t have 26 tabs of Satine centric fanfiction open in my phone browser right now, and I’m certainly not writing a Satine fic to deal with my stress. I did not get the Obi-wan and Satine track at the top of my “on repeat” Spotify playlist. I definitely don’t have a to scale replica of Satine’s portrait that she has hanging in her palace. My user name is definitely not a pun on Duchess of Mandalore. I’m extremely normal about her. Extremely.

[h4chi]

hello tumblr world. i am in shambles. my life doesn’t have a point anymore. i cannot live like this. i cannot live with this tormenting question. why. WHY DID WOONHO HAD TO DIE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[noxtivagus]

hmmm i wna write

[landitolover]

𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒈𝒐, in which charles isn’t the best boyfriend.. ౨ৎ charles x famous!reader

warnings- toxic charles, cheating, reader is love-dumb… !

y/n 💋

charles what the fuck

tell me it isn’t true??

who is she

cha 🤍

baby it isn’t true

i swear, i love you

she came onto me

y/n 💋

are you sure

cha 🤍

yes, my love

i promise you

y/n 💋

come over?

cha 🤍

i’ll be there in ten

Liked by charles_leclerc, alexademie, maxverstappen1, and 1,092,299 others

yourusername 🤍.

tagged charles_leclerc

View all 6,209 comments

user oh this man has no shame at all 💀

user yn…. 🌝

user girl pls run as fast as u can

user no queen you’re too good for him 😭😭😭😭

user yncharles nation how do we feel

→ user uhm TERRIBLE

→ user poor girl ☹️

→ user nah she definitely knows.

charles_leclerc mon coeur 🩶.

→ user …..

→ user he gave me the eww…

alexademie gorgeous 🤍

→ alexademie he’s there too ig…

→ yourusername 🫶🏻 ily

landonorris 🤨🤨

→ user even lando confused 😭

→ user bro keep charles in line

→ alex_albon me too lando…

lilymhe my girl 🤍🤍

→ yourusername 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏻

maxverstappen1 pretty :)

→ yourusername thank you

→ user SHOOT YO SHOT MAX!!

→ user mr steal your girl 🙏🏼 save her

lilyrose_depp 😍😍

landito

yn are you okay

y/n

uh, yeah? why

alexander albon.

be so fr

charles???

y/n

oh

it was nothing, she came onto him

he loves me guys

landito

whatever you say, yn..

alexander albon.

stay safe queen!

Liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, lilymhe, alexademie and 1,249,298 others

yourusername paris

tagged charles_leclerc

View all 6,292 comments

user this is so sad seeing how much she loves him

→ user fr and he’s out there cheating ????

user babe he hasn’t posted u in months why are you still posting him!!! 😭😭

user u are better than this queen 😪

user OPEN UR EYES BITCH

user she’s so strong

→ user not strong enough to leave him :///

landonorris sooo cute 😃

→ user i can hear the sarcasm

→ user LMFAOO

alex_albon yeah stay away from paris…

→ user SPEAK UR TRUTH KING

charles_leclerc ❤️

y/n 💋

chaaa, do you wanna come over?

cha 🤍

I can’t

sorry, chérie.

i’m out with friends

y/n 💋

nono it’s fine

have fun!

i love you ❤️

Read 20:22

Liked by alex_albon, lilymhe, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 1,293,293 others

yourusername time away!! with my favorites 🫶🏻

tagged lilymhe, alex_albon

View all 4,199 comments

user break up with your bf now xx

user too pretty for him

user 🙏🏼 a weekend without ch*rles

landonorris glad to see it!

→ yourusername 😃

lilymhe IT WAS SO FUN HANGING WITH U ❤️

→ yourusername 🤍🤍 love you sm

alex_albon i look gross in that pic

→ georgerussell63 nothing new mate

charles_leclerc so pretty mon amore

→ user the audacity this man has

→ user 🤺🤺🤺

Liked by lilymhe, alex_albon, landonorris, and 29 others

yourprivate when he’s making out with yet another girl 😂! idk what happened because i tried giving him my all 😂😂

View all 8 comments

lilymhe leave him please

→ yourprivate 😂😂 I can’t

lilymhe i don’t want u to be even more sad ☹️

alex_albon FUCK MEN!!!!

landonorris yn u are better than this

→ yourprivate am i though…

georgerussell63 he don’t know what to do with allat!!

→ lilymhe fr!! yn is too good for his ass

y/n 💋

what’s her name.

cha 🤍

what?

y/n 💋

her name

the girl you were kissing, charles

cha 🤍

baby

i was drunk

y/n 💋

don’t ‘baby’ me

and you WERENT drunk charles

what did i do wrong?

cha 🤍

nothing i swear

y/n 💋

I must’ve done something wrong

if you cheated on me TWICE

you probably cheated more than that.

cha 🤍

fine then, i just got bored of you

is that what you wanted to hear?

that i just stopped loving you?

because that’s what happened.

y/n 💋

fuck you charles

i knew I shouldn’t have dated you

I should’ve listened to everyone who told me to leave you.

cha 🤍

you should’ve 🤷

but you didn’t

You have blocked this contact

yourusername • 1 hour ago

maxverstappen1 replied to your story

maxverstappen1

hey, sorry about the break up

charles never deserved you though.

Seen just now

౨ৎ some crazy shit forreal 😭😭🙏🏼🙏🏼 now me personally i could never take charles back (why am i lying)… okay anyways i hope you enjoyed this 🐨🐌🤍

requested by my wife @landovilla ily 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 ౨ৎ

[louferrignojrofficial]

I’m a major buddie shipper, I didn’t ship bt that much (although I could accept that it was canon so I didn’t absolutely hate it if you gwim) and tbh Tommy wasn’t really a character that I was invested in. However I was genuinely so shocked when they broke up?? I was watching the episode and when Tommy went to the loft I was fully prepared for them to go on a date, especially with the way the scene began. Whilst I’m obviously not as sad as you or most bt shippers are, I was completely unprepared for them to break up, especially with the way it happens. I think the fact that I didn’t even ship them and even I’m disappointed with that scene really speaks volumes to the fact that the writing was just bad, there wasn’t much build up the breakup (except the basketball tickets, maybe Tommy not being part of the gc as a reach) and the episode before clearly showed their relationship was thriving, so I have no idea where the breakup came from at all 😭

and also Lou totally deserved better. I’m not really his biggest fan (that’s nothing against him at all, I just don’t really keep up with any actors that aren’t mains) but the fact that not a single person defended him is insane. The way people treat Buck’s LIs is mental and they all genuinely deserve sm better. I personally think that the cast need to get better at defending the people who have to go through this, or at least saying something so that people will stop.

sorry this is so long! I just wanted to say that I agree with yall that the writing for the breakup was just straight bad, and even I (a buddie shipper) am able to see that

thank you for your perspective! i get how people would not be so invested in lou or bucktommy or tommy, regardless of whether they ship buddie as well. so it’s nice to see someone else with more objectivity comment on how abrupt it seemed.

and the hate lou got for months was crazy. like genuinely so insane, people hated him so much and even lou said the worst thing that happened to him was that he got death threats but i’m ??? how is that not a worrying sentiment? that he got death threats for portraying a gay character in a mlm relationship. that people hated him so much to do things like that and much more. the online harassment to him was RELENTLESS.

he didn’t deserve any of that and neither did bucktommy. they didn’t deserve to be hated on so badly, regardless of whether people shipped buck with someone else. i’m gonna forever be bitter about it, and how the relationship ended.

[scapingthebottomofthebarrel]

I Think I’m Gonna Be Sick (Kili x GN!Reader)

You sit quietly at the table trying to take in all the information. “Why do I have to go?” You ask sounding more scared than you’d like. Thraduils face remains unreadable so you look over at Legolas for answers.

“It’s time for you to go find your roots. It’s the perfect time. It’s a new start for everyone .” He explains with a sad smile. Legolas had found you in the forests of Greenwood when you were a baby and had demanded that Thranduil let you stay. How he did that is beyond you as you are very obviously a dwarf, but he did and you had grown up in the palace with Legolas as your father figure. That is what had led up to this current moment. Thranduil had just informed you that the king of the newly reclaimed kingdom of Erebor had agreed to let you come live there and that his sister would be coming to bring you to your new home in a month. You aren’t sure what to say. “You know that I love you more than anything. It’s because I do that this has been agreed upon. You are a dwarf and you deserve a chance to learn about your people.”

“They aren’t my people! You are! I’ve never known another dwarf. All I know is Greenwood and Rivendale and Lothlorien! I am home!” You cry looking desperately between Legolas and Thranduil

“This is your home and always will be, but you know that you need this. You can feel it in your bones.” Thranduil finally says and you hate that he’s right.

“Think of it as being a diplomat. You can forge a better relationship between the elves and the dwarves. You can always come home. Don’t ever doubt that. I just want you to try.” Legolas looks heartbroken but he is firm in his words. You let out a shaky breath and nod.

“She’s coming in a month?” You ask. They both nod and wait expectantly for your response.

“I’ll try. For Greenwood.” You say after some more thought. Legolas hugs you tightly. You struggle to come to terms with what your life will be in a month, but you know you need to try. Maybe this will settle that restless part of yourself. “I’ll need to start studying khuzdul. I don’t think elvish will do me much good there.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you ready?” Legolas asks softly.

“As I’ll ever be.” You sigh watching as the last trunk is carried out of your room. Legolas rushes forward and hugs you tightly.

“You’ll always have a home here, but please try your best.” He whispers. You stifly nod as you wrap your arms around him. After a moment he pulls back and leads you out of your room and to the throne room. As the doors slowly open you see a woman about your height looking around impatiently.

“Lady Dis please understand I’m just as ready as you are for you to leave.” Thranduil sighs from his throne. “Ah, there they are.” The woman, lady Dis, quickly whips around and smiles at you brightly.

“Hello dear. I’m Dis. It’s so wonderful to meet you.” Her kindness throws you off. While you are a dwarf, you were raised with elves so you expected some sort of resistance from her. She makes her way to you and pulls you into a tight hug. “We’ll be leaving once you’ve said your good byes. Take your time.” You can’t do anything but nod. You make your way over to the throne and look up at Thranduil.

“Your kindness will never be forgotten. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful home.” You finally get out. Your eyes are watery and you have to fight to keep your voice level. Thranduil cracks the smallest smile and nods.

“I hope you find what you’ve been looking for.” You smile back and nod. Next your go over to Legolas for one last hug.

“I’ll miss you so much.” You whisper.

“We’ll always be here for you.” He whispers back. After a moment you let go and walk over to lady Dis. She gives you a kind smile and with one last glance at the only family you’ve ever known, you follow her out the door and to your next great adventure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You feel yourself being softly shaken and slowly open your eyes. “We’re here.” Dis says with a large smile. “Welcome to Erebor.” You quickly move to look out the window of the carriage and are shocked at what you see. Dis was the first dwarf you’d ever met and now you’re looking out at a sea of them. “I’ll take you to your room and you can freshen up then I’ll take you to meet Thorin.” All you can do is nod as you continue to look around.

Once the doors to your new room close behind you you flop down on the bed. “You got this. You’ll do great. No pressure. You’re just about to meet Thranduil's sworn enemy. No pressure.” You mutter to yourself. You take a moment to pull yourself together before you do as Dis said and get ready to meet Thorin.

When you’re ready you poke your head out the door. There’s no one in the hallway except for a blonde dwarf. You can’t help but smile at the beaded braids that hang next to his mouth. Elves don’t have facial hair so you couldn’t help but think his was odd, but it fit him. “Hello. I’m Fili, crown prince of Erebor. My mother had something to attend to, so I will be taking you to meet my uncle.” His smile is just as kind as his mothers. You silently follow his through the halls trying to remember any land marks to help you feel a little less lost. “What do you think?” He asks, noticing your careful examination.

“It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. It’s beautiful.” You could never have imagined that Erebor would be like this. It was breathtaking.

“You can see why we fought so hard to get it back.” All you can do is nod. “I hope you will grow to see it as a home.” He gives you another soft smile and stops in front of a large set of doors. He pushes them open and your eye immediately go to the dwarf on the throne. All the nerves hit you at once. You shakily curtsy once your reach the bottom on the steps that the thrown is at the top of.

“Yo-your majesty.” Your words are scarcely more than a whisper.

“So this is the dwarf raised by elves.” Well he’s certainly not one to beat around the bush. “Welcome to Erebor and welcome home.” You bite back the words that this is not in fact your home and it may never be, but you know better than to say that to Thorin.

“Thank you for allowing me to come live in your kingdom. I know that the relationship between elves and dwarves is not the best, but I hope to help better it.” Thorin stiffly nods and leans over to say something to a dwarf sitting next to him. The dwarf in question appears shell shocked, but quickly composes himself and jumps up making his way over to you.

“Prince Kili at your service.” He says with a wide smile. “I’ll take it from here Fi.” Fili nods and sends you a kind smile before walking to Thorin. “I’ll be your tour guide around Erebor and your main tutor to help you learn Khuzdul.” All you can do is nod. Your heart feels like it’s stopped and restarted ten times faster. Maybe all the change is too much and you’re dying. No, that can’t be it. The feeling is oddly pleasant. You suddenly feel as if everything will be ok. You don’t think you’ve ever known a calm like this. Kili pulls you out of your thoughts with a clap of his hands. “Right. Let’s get going. There’s lots to see.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And this is the market. You will mostly find things made in the mountain or from Dale.” You nod at Kili's words and continue to look around wide eyed.

“It’s magnificent!” You practically run to a nearby stall with intricate beads proudly displayed on the table.

“Do you know what these ones are for?” He asks with a big grin. You shake your head no as you carefully pick one up. “They’re courting beads. You gift them at the beginning of a courtship and put them at the end of the braid you put in each others hair. Usually you hand make them yourself, but not always” You can’t help the soft smile that makes its way onto your face.

“What a beautiful custom.” There’s a strange pang of longing in your heart that twists when you look at Kili. You must have made a face because Kilis expression shifts from one of pride to one of concern.

“Are you alright?” He asks softly as he places a hand on your shoulder.

“I uhhh I think the day is starting to catch up with me. Would it be alright if I went and rested?” Kili quickly nods and begins to lead you out of the market.

“Of course. I’ll take you back to your chambers and you can rest until dinner.” You smile at him gratefully and follow him through the winding halls of the mountain. Once you arrived at your room Kili gave you a blinding smile and said he’d see you at dinner. All you could do was nod.

“It must be all the change. Erebor is rather different than Greenwood.” You mutter to yourself as you shuffle across your room to lay down. You heave a sigh and stare at the ceiling in your room. “Day one of being a full fledged dwarf is almost over…”

Unbeknownst to you Kili was practically dancing down the hallway on his way to find Fili. When he finally does he breaks out into a sprint and practically tackles his brother. “They’re my One!” He whisper screeches shaking Fili by the shoulders.

“What?” Fili asks trying to get out of his brothers grip.

“They’re my One! Can you believe it?” Fili looks at Kili confused for a second before it clicks and a wide grins breaks out on his face.

“What did they say?”

“Well nothing yet. I think they think they’re ill.” Kili shrugs.

“They think they’re ill?” Fili asks slowly.

“It makes sense they wouldn’t know what a One is, they were raised by elves after all.”

“What are you going to do?” Fili has never seen Kili happier as they make their way to their rooms to prepare for dinner.

“Obviously we’re going to get married.” Kili says with a love sick sigh.

“Before that. You said they think they’re ill.” Kili waves Fili off surprisingly unbothered by the fact that you could be interpreting your tie to him as an illness.

“No need to worry brother, just start writing your speech for the wedding.” Kili practically skips ahead of Fili who can only shake his head with a fond smile on his face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been six months since you arrived in Erebor and the adjustment has been smoother than you expected. You’ve picked up Khuzdul fairly well and are no longer so lost in the mountain. You are currently seated at the desk in your room writing a response to your most recent letter from Legolas. While you miss Greenwood and your elven family dearly, you are happy to let them know you’re adjusting to well to life in the Lonely Mountain. You’re pulled from your thoughts when you head a knock on the door. “Come in!” You call setting your quill down.

“Hello dear.” You quickly make your way across the room and hug Dis.

“To what do I owe the honor of your visit?” Dis holds a book out to you.

“A gift. It’s a book of dwarven fairy tales. I read it to Fili and Kili when they were little. Kili was actually the one who recommended it when I said I wanted to give you a gift.” You take the book into your hands and run your fingers along the intricate designs stamped into the cover.

“Thank you!” You gasp. “It’s beautiful. Thank you so much!” You say louder.

“Of course my dear. Being with us for half a year is an event deserving of a gift.” The two of you exchange smiles and another hug before Dis has to leave for a meeting. You’re quick to curl up in a chair and flip to the first story.

A few hours of you slowly reading the Khuzdul on the pages pass before there’s another knock on your door but you're so engrossed in the book you don’t notice. “There you are!” Your hand flies to your chest as you let out a scream.

“Kili why would you do that?” You hiss as he has the nerve to laugh.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. You missed lunch so I brought you some food. What’s got you so entranced?” He asks leaning over your shoulder to look at the book in your hands. “I see mom gave you her gift. What do you think?”

“They’re so different from the stories Legolas read me as a child I can’t wrap my head around it.” Kili smiles proudly and puffs out his chest. “There’s some parts I don’t understand tho.”

“I’m sure I can help explain it. What’s got you confused?” He takes a seat on the arm of the chair you’re sat in.

“Well first off the stories keep mentioning finding your One.” You point to a sentence on the page and when you look up at Kili he has an odd look on his face. Before you can ask what’s wrong he begins to speak.

“Your One is your other half. The one that Mahal put here to complete you. To find your One is to find unending peace and happiness. Finding your One is finding home.” Something in your heart twists at Kilis words.

“That sounds wonderful.” You whisper, staring at Kili. It feels like the world has stopped as the two of you stare at each other. Without thinking you both start to lean in. Your faces are inches apart when the book slips out of your lap and slams closed on the floor jolting you out of the moment. You awkwardly clear your throat while Kili looks like he’s trying to burn the book with his glare. “I umm I mean uhh yo-you said you brought lunch right? I don’t think I have any more questions so why don’t we eat?” Kili nods and quickly moves to set up the food on a nearby table.

The two of you eat in silence for a while before Kili clears his throat. “So, it’s been half a year. What do you think of Erebor?” He asks

“It’s nothing like what I imagined. The way dwarves live is so different from elves, but still so beautiful. It was odd at first to be around so many people like me, I mean I was the only dwarf I know for most of my life…” you trail off as you reflect on just how different the Lonely Mountain is from Greenwood and how much your life has changed.

“I’m uhhh I’m glad your not feeling ill anymore. I know how worried you were about it for the first few months.” He says after a moment.

“Ohhh ri-right. Yeah I’m feeling much better.” You try to smile but you think you probably look like you’re dying. Truth be told the odd feelings never went away, but as time went on they turned into a feeling of calm and safety so you stopped saying anything. “Kili, can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.” He says immediately with a big smile.

“Have you found your One? Do you know what it feels like?” His smile grows impossibly wider at your words.

“I have. It felt like my insides were exploding in the best way. I couldn’t breathe. It was like I hadn’t really been alive until then. In that first moment I knew that they have my heart in their hand and all I wanted to do was let them know.” His eyes have a look in them that you’ve never seen before. “I met them months ago and it still feels the exact same every time I see them.” Something in you shifts in a way that makes you feel like you’ve been stabbed in the chest. You look away from Kili and try to compose yourself.

“That’s wonderful.” You finally get out. As you bring your eyes back to Kili you can see the battle being waged behind his eyes. He takes a deep breath and nods to himself

“I’d really love for you to meet them.” Those words plunge the knife deeper into your chest.

“Who am I to say no to a prince of Erebor?” You try to laugh but it tastes bitter in your mouth.

“Tonight after dinner. Meet me in my room.” He stands so quickly it flings his chair back. Your eyes widen in surprise and all you can do is nod. “Great! I’ll see you then!” Without another word Kili is out the door and down the hall.

Kili has his One. This is something you should be happy about. He just told you how wonderful having your One is. So why does thinking about it make you wish you’d never come to Erebor?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner comes and goes far too fast for your liking and now you find yourself outside Kilis room. You debate running away to your room and never coming out, but Kili is your friend and he was so excited for you to meet them. You can’t ditch him. With that thought you knock on his door. “Come in!” You can hear the excitement in his voice.

You slowly push the door open and find Kili in the middle of his room. Alone. “Have I come too early?” You ask as you continue to look around the room for another person. Kili says nothing and sets to the side to reveal something behind him covered in a sheet. He wordlessly motions for you to move the sheet. “Kili if this is another of you and Filis pranks I will snitch to your mother.” You warn as you shakily reach out for the sheet. As you pull it away you close your eyes and flinch back moving your hands to cover your face. After a moment of nothing you open your eyes a see a full length mirror.

“Meet my One.” Kili says softly. You step closer to the mirror confused.

“Is this a dwarf thing I don’t know about?” Kili laughs. “Why are you laughing? What’s going on Kili?”

“It’s you. Your my One. I’ve known it since the moment I first saw you.” Your speech less for a moment before a huge isgh of relief leaves you.

“Oh thank Mahal I’m not sick!” You say as the feeling of dread you’d been carrying lifted. Kili shakes his head fondly.

“No you’re not sick. Just in love.” He has that look in his eyes again and you’re pretty sure yours mirror it.

“Just in love.” You repeat. Kili takes hold of you hand and places something in it. When you open your hand you see a small intricately designed bead in it.

“I made it in the weeks after we first met.”

“Kili are you asking to court me?” You tease.

“I’m asking you to marry me one day.” He corrects with a proud smile on his face. You take a seat on the chair by his desk.

“Well then get braiding.” You didn’t know someone could smile so big until you see the one on Kilis face. “I can’t wait to tell Legolas.” You sigh happily as Kili begins braiding.

When he’s done you examine the braid before pulling him into an excited kiss. “Just in love.” You murmur happily when you pull away. Kili kisses your forehead before leading you toward the door to his room.

“We have to tell Fi! And amad! And uncle!” He cheers as he pulls you out of the room and towards his brothers. In that moment you decide that you love living in Erebor.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Sorry, this is probably a boring read and I get it, if it doesn’t warrant posting.

I just saw the posts about the A at a glass window at London premiere and JD and N playing board games in a pub etc. and it made me think.

There a loads of little bits about A coming out, she was there during the tour, she did that etc. First thing that came to mind for me was: this is in the past, this is not today. I know she is around today, I know there will be more L A stuff coming, ig launch, proper couple stuff etc. But the things we get bothered about now re. A during the tour: they are in the past, they do not reflect things as they are today.

It shows to me: there was trouble during the tour and there is trouble today. I’m with unraveling anon here: currently there is something going on in the L A and friendly gang universe, and it’s not wedding planning for L A.

As many here I think, L N caught some feelings during filming S3, I don’t think it got physical but feelings were there. Took a break, L HBS happened, N living her best life. 2024 the tour happens, feelings for L – who by now had acquired an 🐜 – came back quickly. For N it took a hot minute but at some point there was no use denying it, the world and their mother could see it and hear it. Oh what to do with A now? I reckon, N never thought her to be a serious thing and that may be because L sold it exactly that way.

Several A appearances / actions on SM, I still look for one that was not on some level cringeworthy, lemme know if you find one. Girl is insecure and acting out and L does very little to put his b..ch on a lead. He behaved like the fool in love he is – with N that is - on the tour and likely did not exactly do lots to reassure A behind the scenes, besides the occasional FH stay.

Premiere London, L obviously had to do something for A, had set up or at least signed off the walk of crap 🦀but could he be arsed to even do that properly and commit afterwards on some minor level? You tell me.

He obviously wants to or has reasons to hold on to A. But why look like a damn hostage about it all the time? Surely after London he could have just be much more relaxed with her, hey, be fake-papped again plant a kiss on her, hold her properly. By now they could be an established couple to the world, the fandom outrage would have died down, they could live their relationship openly. Nope, hostage situation vibe it is.

Meanwhile N – and I never thought this would happen – goes MIA, she currently has the lowest public profile since I follow her and I just can’t help but get hurt / annoyed vibes from her. It’s truly telling that her friends seem to rally around her and even appear to troll A not do discretely. And she has a little sad vibe to her since the tour ended and I hate that. Might of course be because S3 chapter closed, might be L, I think whatever it is – N for sure was not happy with how London premiere night played out.

And don’t get me started on JD: m’dears, he aint her boyfriend, he is the gay-bestie and I am so happy she has him in her life right now. Do get over it please.

I guess what I am rambling on here is: A is here to stay for now. Here in my country 🐜s usually disappear when fall goes in to winter, so let nature take its course. And in the meantime, let’s do our best to not give her any attention, because that’s what she wants desperately. And let’s support N and L, they deserve it so.

And thanks to blog queen for letting us squat here until better times arrive!

NO NOTES

💜🥃

[averytirednerd]

About Episodes 7 and 8...MASSIVE SPOILERS!!

Initial thoughts (because if I talk about EVERYTHING right now you'll be here for at least half an hour)...

WHAT THE HELL?!

I mean I loved getting to watch the season finale, don't get me wrong. But I have just as many grievances as things I loved about it and also SO MUCH happened?!?!?!

Charlie: Loved getting to see her be all demon-y, I've been waiting all season. Also loved her and the cannibals (especially Rosie!!!). So glad she got to work w/ Luci to protect the hotel <333 She and Vaggie are adorable too.

Vaggie: I really enjoyed watching her and Carmilla's song, that was cool. Protecting her girlfriend, very cute. I liked seeing her and Lute have that little face-off.

Husk: Sad that we didn't get to see much of him, but I get it. His interactions with the others were sweet (especially Angel). I loved the one line he got to sing on his own in that last song of episode 8. 😍

Angel: Ngl I am very glad he wasn't the one to die. It would've been a fun little "oh crap" moment but I really didn't want to be right. He's still got business down there. His interactions with the others here are everything to me, and he's just grown so much and aaaaaa. It's lovely to see! I love him more and more with every episode.

Niffty: YOU GO, GIRL!!!! Love to see the stabbing. I also really loved the...one line Nifty got. Kimiko Glenn's voice is a gift, I freaked out over getting to hear one line. Anyway. not much else to say other than I definitely thought it was Alastor doing a big "oh look, I'm alive!" thing when Adam got stabbed, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Cherri Bomb/Sir P: I was surprised, to say the least, when Cherri and Sir P had that little moment. Glad they got it before he went and DIED. Cherri is such a good friend to Angel and she's great. Now, onto Sir P...WOW, OKAY. Glad we know Charlie's plan isn't completely stupid. Wonder how Sera's gonna react to him being there now, lol.

The Vees: FIRST OFF, VOX?????? "This is better than sex!" 💀💀💀 Truly was not expecting to see as much of the Vees as we did. Not complaining though. It was...interesting...to say the least, watching Vox get as excited as he did over the prospect of Al dying (still as obsessed as ever, fr). Not at all surprised to see Val and Vox have a thing going, I figured from the interactions we've seen so far. Them dancing together was silly, them practically making out was less so 😃. Also, gotta continue the love for Velvette--putting up with these two idiots must take a lot. Also also, her HAIR! HER HAIR!! EEEEE

Lucifer: I reallllyyyyyy enjoyed seeing Luci make a return to help Charlie, even if it was in one of those "last-minute saves" that I usually hate. Idk, makes sense here I guess because he's probably always watching over Charlie some way. ALSO LUCI AND CHARLIE GOING ALL DEMON-Y TOGETHER WAS <33333333 I really loved him starting off that last song in episode 8, and telling Charlie that he believes in her. It was so sweet. I love Luci sm, hoping he becomes a more integral part of the crew in s2.

Adam/Lute/Lilith: HAHA HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOSE??? Lute got what she deserved with the whole...arm thing. ALSO WHAT--JUST GONNA CASUALLY DROP LILITH IN HERE NOW? Sure, fine, whatever, totally cool. Not sure how to feel about Lilith atm so moving on. I dunno why I was so shocked upon seeing Adam's face. I guess I expected him to...not look as good as he does? Also so upset that he broke Al's staff. How rude. He sucks.

Rosie: Not how I expected her to sound, but I'm most certainly not disappointed. I don't have much to say other than I loved literally everything about her. No complaints--at least not yet ig, need to go back and rewatch the episodes critically. Her and Alastor is everything to me, and seeing them dance was <333333 I cannot express my excitement over it enough.

Alastor: Saved him for last because yes. If I wasn't limiting myself to a short paragraph for each, I'd be writing a whole essay just about Al, I swear....CANNOT believe what just happened omg. Not only did we get to see silly Al in episode 7, but we got to see scary (and scared) Al in episode 8. He's really freaking out, it's so entertaining! I'm so glad it wasn't him who died, I started getting a bit worried for a minute there....His relationship with Rosie is aaaaa, best of besties fr. Fighting Adam scene was glorious. Making Vox act like an idiot even when not trying was funny to watch (Vox's obsession with this guy is so silly). Him retreating sure was a move, but I'm glad he didn't get all stubborn and end up dying. Him ranting a bit in his section of the final song was so...AAAAAAA. Man is so scared, he looks stressed as can be. I need to see Alastor just have an external breakdown because he honestly feels like he's on the verge of one. 💀

Stopping for now before I go on a bigger rant than I already have. To those who read all this, I'm so sorry pfft. Feel free to leave a comment if there's something you wanna discuss (or, better yet, send one of those ask thingies. I do not have comments figured out yet...)

Anyway, have a good one <3

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 35 - Holidays]

Warnings: big sad but also big mad, magical torture, twisted mind games, the crazy continues, Jimin is a sweetheart, Tae honestly deserves a break poor boy, the grief is strong in this one, also there is one scene in this chapter where she tries to eat but gets really revolted by the food and almost throws up from it, I wanted to put a warning for that too because I don’t want to trigger anyone who struggles with an ED or is recovering from one, if you want to skip this scene it begins at the breakfast scene & ends once Tae talks about “his plans”

Wordcount: 11.3k

a/n: i wanted to give joon a redemption arch at one point but tbfh he pissed me off sm in that chapter now i just wanna fight him ahhaha

“Are you still working on the painting?” he asks.

Taehyung lifts his head from the painting. His eyes light up.

“Jiminie! You’re back”, he greets him and stands up to get to him. He wipes his dirtied hands on his pants, “how was the drive?”

“Bad. I outdrove a storm, it’ll come soon”, Jimin says and leans in for a chaste kiss on the lips. Taehyung, however, pulls him close again, hugging him tightly.

“I missed you so much”, he murmurs into the crook of Jimin’s neck, inhaling deeply afterwards to remind his heart how he smells. Orange blossoms and cold air. The once potent scent of blood wasn’t lingering on Jimin anymore these days, now that Namjoon doesn’t regularly force him to hunt humans for fun. Taehyung thinks that Jimin smells so much better these days.

Jimin ruffles the back of Taehyung’s hair, “I missed you too, Tete.”

Taehyung ends the hug by stepping back and running his palms over Jimin’s cheeks in a soft caress. 

“You look handsome.”

Jimin smiles, “thanks and you look…” he runs his eyes up and down Taehyung’s features, “...exhausted.”

Taehyung lowers his eyes, playing with his hair.

“I haven’t slept well lately. ___ wakes up crying out for Yoongi a lot. I am scared to leave her alone, so I stay by her side most nights. I can’t fall asleep because her racing pulse keeps me awake.”

“I see. I’m sorry.”

“I do it gladly. I do not want her to suffer alone.”

“Mhm”, Jimin hums and nods his head, “where is she, Tete?”

“The last I saw of her, she went to Yoongi’s wing.”

“Mhm, of course”, Jimin says and turns his back to Taehyung, “thanks. I’ll talk to her.”

“Mimi?”

“Yes?”

“What did she tell you?”

Jimin’s face turns rather stoic. He studies Taehyung’s features and sighs.

“I’ll tell you later. Yeah?”

“Yes”, Taehyung says and presses out a small, “fuck.”

Jimin leaves Taehyung’s wing and hurries downstairs.

“Jimin, hey.”

He meets Jungkook in the entrance hall. The younger vampire was in the middle of leaving his wing to go to the ballroom gym for a workout. Jungkook works out obsessively these days. It’s the only thing which keeps thoughts from forming in his mind. When he pushes himself to the point where he kneels on the floor retching and gagging from exhaustion, he can’t hurt. He can’t miss Yoongi that way. He can’t worry for his sire and he can’t worry for you slowly killing yourself in an attempt to save your shared love.

It would have been his third workout today and he planned on going for a fourth one later.

“Hey, Kook”, Jimin greets him.

“Since when are you back?” Jungkook asks, jogging up to Jimin.

“I just arrived.”

“I see. What did she say?”

Jimin tightens his jaw and places his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. He gives him a tight squeeze.

“We should look for ___ first”, he says.

“Is it that bad?”

“Let’s just look for her”, Jimin dismisses him and slides his hand to Jungkook’s wrist. He holds it gently, tugging at it, “come. Tae said she’s in Yoongi’s wing.”

Jungkook follows him with a painful lump in his throat.

“Please tell me. What did she say?”

“We’re almost there.”

“Oh god, it’s bad isn’t it?”

Jimin stays silent. He shoves the heavy door open and leads Jungkook inside. The door to Yoongi’s bedroom is open. Lights shine into the hallways. The two vampires quicken their steps.

Like always, you are sitting by the bed hunched over and with inaudible whispers leaving your lips. They aren’t really inaudible to the sensitive ears of vampires however.

Jungkook and Jimin can hear fractions of “we gotta make sure your nails aren’t too long” and “is the pressure of the file okay for you, my love?”

There are new flowers on the bedside table. The old bouquet is discarded on the floor. It looks sad and rotten.  

New fractions reach their ears. You are putting cream on Yoongi’s hand as you speak, “there we go, now your skin won’t crack in the dry air.”

Jimin and Jungkook look at each other, mirroring the sadness and pity to feel for the situation. Even now you are making sure that Yoongi is well taken care of. You look so tired and exhausted and yet here you are, making sure that he feels comfortable.

You wiggle your fingers between Yoongi’s and squeeze his hand gently. They can hear how you inhale in a shaky sniffle.

“How’s that, my love?” you whisper, swaying your hands from side to side, “it’s getting so cold these days that we have to keep the heaters running. It’s so hard to keep the castle warm”, you say and laugh painfully, guiding his hand to your cheek. You rub your face on it slowly, “you are so cold. Oh my love, you are so cold. You should be warm. Why are you so cold?”

“___?” Jungkook tries quietly, fighting back tears. He can’t bear to watch you. It breaks his heart into a million pieces.

You flinch and for just a second you look out of breath. For only a second however and then you straighten your back and turn. Your eyes are red and glassy, your lips are pressed into a thin line. For only a second because then your eyes fall onto Jimin and they light up.

You place Yoongi’s hand down as gently as possible and get to your feet. You run to him, welcoming him by grabbing both his upper arms.

“And? What did she say?” you begin shaking him, “what did Thea say? Can she help? Does she know what to do? Can she help Yoongi? Tell me. T-talk to me.”

Jimin takes your hands and lowers them.

“___ I-”

“Tell me!” you stress, squeezing his hands. Your eyes are widened and your pupils dilated.

“She said that she never heard of such a spell and that she has no idea what to do.”

“No”, you press out, shaking your head vigorously, “no, you’re fucking lying. No. No! No don’t lie to me. No, she knows what to do.”

“___”, Jungkook presses out with tears in his eyes and reaches for you. His shaking fingers close around your arms, his face contorts in pain. He pulls you into a hug and sobs into your neck miserably while you still stare at Jimin with widened eyes.

“You’re lying. She didn’t tell you that.”

“I’m sorry she did”, Jimin whispers.

And while Jungkook’s sobs grow in volume, you continue to shake your head. Your face is frozen, showing no ounce of emotion even if your scent is soaked in heartbreak and disappointment.

“Then, then she didn’t look properly. Call her and tell her to look again.”

“___ I don’t think this is going to help.”

“Call her!”

“No”, Jimin throws back, “we had every single witch in Paris involved in finding a cure. Maël called every alpha he knew and none could help. A call won’t do anything.”

“Oh.”

You look away.

Jungkook squeezes you and sobs your name. His body is shaking from how terribly he cries.

You blink for the first time since they entered the room. There are still no tears escaping your eyes.

“Okay”, you say, “okay, that’s okay. Fine. Then I’ll uhm”, you seem lost for a second. Jimin can see it in your eyes, “I’ll just…just…uhm”, you look away, “the potions! Yeah I’ll, I’ll just make potions. Yes, that’s what I’ll do”, you say and without looking at him once, wiggle yourself out of Jungkook’s hug.

You look over your shoulder at Yoongi. Both Jungkook and Jimin can actually hear how one of your heartstring breaks. It sounded painful. Both their chest ached because of it.

“I’ll just do that”, you whisper and turn to leave without looking at them. They can see how your hand lifts to wipe at your eyes when you are by the door and then you must hide yourself with magic because they can’t hear you anymore.

Jungkook turns to Jimin. The older vampire studies his tearstained face. Jungkook’s lips turn downwards and begin to tremble.

“Do you want a hug?”

“Yeah”, Jungkook whimpers and falls into Jimin’s open arms.

You will be gone for two days. No attempt to find or contact you will be successful. You will return without explanations, you will silently eat the food they prepare and then you will lock yourself in the library again. The answer to where you had been and what you had done won’t ever leave your lips.

They honk their car as they arrive. You can hear it from the study. It’s a surprise that they arrived so early. The snow storm is at its worst today. It was better yesterday, but is awful today.

You can hear them talk outside. You already hate what will follow. You don’t want to be disturbed. You can’t stop. Not now. You are almost finished with the chapter.

A knock on the door lets you know that your worst nightmare is becoming reality. The door opening makes it real. You lower your head to the book. You are almost finished. Why did they have to come now?

“Happy Holidays”, Seokjin is the one to speak first, walking into the room in big steps.

Emma follows with a bouquet made out of conifer tree branches and rose hips. The smell disgusts you. It smells good. Why would they bring you something good?

“Happy Holidays ___”, Emma singsongs only to get stopped by Seokjin with a hand on her shoulder. They exchange a knowing look.

“Hey”, you dismiss them with a flick of your wrist. You flip the page.

“The uhm, drive was smoother than we thought it would be”, Seokjin says.

You don’t answer him, flipping the pages and scribbling something into your papers. You won’t be able to decipher it ever again because of your cramping hand messing up the letters.

“How are you doing?” Seokjin asks.

“Good.”

“Yeah? You seem…”

You lift your eyes in warning.

“…tired”, Seokjin says and smiles worriedly, “did you work a lot today?”

You look at the watch. Well fuck. It’s ten past nine already. You started work seventeen hours ago. And you didn’t get anything? No new spells? No new revelations? Nothing? Fuck. You rip the page at its corner as you flip it angrily. The words are so blurry in your eyes, but you blink it away.

“I didn’t. I only just started”, you murmur, forgetting all about them in the room. At least you hope to do so.

“Well uhm”, Seokjin touches the side of his neck in slight helplessness, “we are planning to unpack and then have dinner with the others. Can we count you in?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll join you”, you dismiss him, not meaning a word of it.

Emma and Seokjin exchange a look.

“Well then, we’ll see each other soon?”

“Mhm yeah.”

They leave the room and won’t see you for the rest of the evening. You forget about them the moment the door closes and won’t think of them again. You will fall asleep on your desk that night until you wake again four hours later and start your search anew.

The air is warm and smells of roses. The sound of a fountain is filling your ears. You are in the greenhouse. Somewhere a piano is playing. You know the melody instantly. It is the melody Yoongi used to accompany the sweet words in his notebook. You remember when he sang them to you quietly and shyly in the dim and calm morning when people were waking up from the witches’ party. It was the morning you and Yoongi were so incredibly drunk at Meredith’s place. You and Yoongi just finished loving each other and were talking in bed about the comfort of being with each other when Yoongi had an idea. He decided to hurry downstairs to get his guitar and then he drunkenly performed Your Song in nothing but his long shirt. He was so endearing back then. The melody is coming from outside. Right behind those golden doors. You set off to run the moment you realise what was happening.

You throw yourself against the golden doors, stumbling through them and right into his wing. Your mind doesn’t take in the illogicality of the layout. You are just happy to finally see him again. The light bulbs are changed. It is finally bright in here. The melody is so loud in your ears.

“My prince!” you call out, crying tears of happiness, “my prince, you’re awake!”

The music room is open. You stumble into it. The lights are on, illuminating him from behind. His skin is golden in life.

“Yoongi!”

He lifts his head.

The music stops.

His eyes soften and his lips curl into a warm smile.

“You’re finally here. I was waiting for you”, he says.

You don’t understand what he means by that, but you don’t want to ask. Yoongi is back. He is finally back.

“Yoongi, my beloved Yoongi”, you press out and barely manage to get to him. Blinded by your tears and limps overtaken by happiness, all you want to do is break down and cry for hours, “you are finally back.”

Yoongi reaches for you, “come here”, he says, opening his arms for you. His fingers are so close to intertwining with yours. So close.

“My love I-”

Darkness drags him away within a second. Strong, invisible hands drag you into the opposite direction of wherever he loses himself in. You screech his name, but too late. The hands are dragging you away and Yoongi disappears in darkness.

You flinch awake.

“No!” you scream, lifting your arm to throw whoever touched you across the room.

“It’s me. It’s just me”, Taehyung blurts out, stumbling back quickly.

“Taehyung”, you lower your arm, “no. No, why would you wake me? I didn’t- for once I- for once I didn’t feel anything.”

“You, you didn’t?” Taehyung’s voice breaks in heartbreak, “darling, you just passed out in the middle of the hallway. W-what do you mean you, you didn’t feel- oh god”, Taehyung bites down on his tongue. He is so heartbroken. He thought that loosing Jimin will be the most pain he could ever feel, but watching you destroy yourself like that hurts just as much. He was on his way to your wing when he saw your passed out form lying lifelessly in the middle of the hallway. Your heart was barely beating and your lungs barely took in air. And so he shook you and begged you until you finally flinched awake.

“What are you talking about?” you hiss, “I was with Yoongi for once. Why would you wake me?”

Taehyung shakes his head, “no you weren’t. You were dying. Your heartbeat was barely there.”

“No I was- he was- no I was with him”, you sit up, “holy fuck, I was with him.”

“No, you weren’t! Whatever you saw was death reaching out for you.”

“Holy shit”, you can’t even hear what Taehyung is telling you, “shit, I wasted so much time. I need to get back to my research”, you say, peeling yourself up even if everything hurts.

“Please don’t go”, Taehyung begs, holding you by your shoulders. You don’t notice it, but he is the only reason why you are even standing in the first place.

“I need to get to the library. Yeah, I think I’ll go now. The storm’s not that bad”, you talk to yourself, eyes already glued to the far, far away front door.

“No, you need to stay here please”, Taehyung begs, stepping to the side as you are trying to flee. He blocks your way like that.

“Taehyung let me pass. I’m totally fine.”

“No, you are not. You are going to actually die if you go out into this storm.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll keep myself warm with my magic.”

“You can barely even keep yourself standing. No amount of magic could help you tonight.”

“Taehyung, get out of my fucking way. The library closes in an hour and I need to get the books. Tonight.”

“They will still be there tomorrow.”

“I have to get them tonight, Kim Taehyung. Tonight.”

Taehyung doesn’t know what hurts more. Being addressed by his full name by someone who once called him the sweetest nicknames or knowing that you still continue breaking yourself even if your body already showed you that it was at its limits.

“Please stay with me”, he begs with his voice frail in agony.

“Let go of me, I’m not saying it again.”

“Oh god”, Taehyung croaks and feels as tears fill his eyes, “I’m begging you, just stay with me. Please.”

With a trembling sigh, you watch the tears roll down his cheeks. Clarity comes back to you. What are you doing? You can’t be angry at him. Not Taehyung. He doesn’t deserve it.

“Fine. I’ll stay”, you whisper, “but only if I can sleep in your bed tonight.”

“Yes, please”, he is still begging even now after you promised him to stay, “please, just stay close to me”, he pleads and picks you up to carry you to his wing.

You listen to him talk to Jimin that night. He isn’t aware that you are still awake.

“I can’t take much more, Jimin. She is destroying herself and I am watching helplessly. All I am trying to do fails. I am helpless. And it is breaking me into a million pieces”, Taehyung said that night and then sobbed in Jimin’s arms. You don’t witness when Jimin finally manages to calm him down as you passed out in pure exhaustion before that could happen.

You snap your fingers. The torches flicker on. The chains make a sound as he moves.

Your eyes are pinned to him, not breaking away. They are cold in hatred.

“Well fuck”, he lets out and laughs mockingly, shaking his head, “hello there, little one.”

You tighten your jaw.

“It’s a party upstairs, isn’t it?” he laughs mockingly, “why are you here? Did the others not want you partaking in the festivities?”

You tighten your jaw. It was the night of your winter holiday party tonight. Taehyung hired people to decorate the estate. Seokjin and Emma cooked dinner. They all bought presents for each other, currently celebrating in the big dining hall with the fireplace burning and a big tree loaded with decoration. They didn’t notice when you left. Dinner is almost done so Emma told the group. You should sing karaoke in the meantime so Hoseok suggested. It feels like mockery to you. Offensive mockery. How could they celebrate when your family wasn’t whole? How could they laugh and sing and dance when Yoongi wasn’t with you? When he was still sick? Their good mood felt like offensive mockery to you. And so you left. Finding yourself in the only place which didn’t make you angry. At least not for the same reasons. Looking at Namjoon fills you with true anger. And hatred. Such hatred.

“What? Did you come to bore me?” Namjoon challenges.

“Funny. How you still think that you can act like a fucking cunt when I clearly have the upper hand.”

Namjoon shows you a lopsided smile, “tell me how is your beloved doing? What was his name again? Ah yes. How is Yoongi doing?”

“Don’t fucking say his name! You know exactly how he is doing! You put him into the state he is in now!” you yell at him, painting victory onto his features. You understand. He has the upper hand. That’s what he wanted to show you with the question. By reacting that emotional you showed him how much power he still has over you.

“Of course. How terribly rude of me to forget”, Namjoon says and smirks gleefully, “so how is the search for a cure going?”

You want to scream at him again, but you shouldn’t. This is exactly what he wants to happen. You already gave him too much power. You bite down on your tongue and straighten your back.

“It’s going very well actually, thank you for asking”, you say as calmly as possible.

“Oh this is wonderful. The little piglet is trying to lie to me”, Namjoon scrunches his nose up in disgusted wonder.

You darken your gaze. He laughs upon watching it happening.

“Oh! I know something fun”, he says, widening his eyes, “let’s play a little game. I call it the guessing game. I guess why you are here and you yell at me. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

“Why are you the way you are?” you say, feeling so…disgusted. You can’t even explain it, but you do. He ignores your question.

“Now. I think that you are here because you are desperate. Desperate for answers as to why I did it”, he pouts, “why did I hurt poor, little Yoongi oh so very much?” he mocks your voice, trying to look as heartbroken as he can.

You clench your hands to fists. Namjoon soaks up the view with hungry eyes.

“And now you are wondering how you could hurt me. But you won’t and you want to know why, little one?” Namjoon steps closer until the chains stretch and his arms are lifted just slightly above his head, “because despite your wonderful hatred for me, you hope that I find it in myself to help you.”

You are very sure that he saw you react in surprise. He figured you out.

“Congratulations on finally realising that you are a witch. It must be exhausting having so much power and no one to guide you. So what better teacher is there than one of the very few, who was present when it was all created?” he runs his eyes up and down your body, “and given how your beloved is currently, well…busy and Yaeji hasn’t shown her face in two centuries, it leaves me”, he straightens up, finally showing you his real size proudly, “tadala.”

You want to hurt him. You really, really do. You want to make him feel the kind of pain you have to feel each and every fucking day.

“Now tell me how right I was. Go on tell me”, Namjoon insists.

“Given how you like to talk big already lets me know that you have no idea how to help me, so this right here was a waste of air”, you spit, turning to leave. If you stay any longer he will actually make you scream again.

“Oh? Ohohoho I hurt your pride”, he coos and laughs, “oh, I’m sorry. Did I step on your little toes, mhm?”

“What do you want?” you hiss, whipping back around to send him a deathly glare, “it’s not like being annoying is going to get you out of that cell.”

“Oh, but I don’t have to get out of this cell. Not when I’m in your little mind day in and out. I’m right where I want to be. Haunting your thoughts.”

You let out a breathy laugh, taking a step back in disbelief.

“What did I do to you? Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you, little one. I just love playing with you”, he says with innocent eyes, the kind which taunt you, “you can’t outsmart me, little one. I’ve been one step ahead of you ever since you started your little game of chase. I was in the shadows which kept you awake at night, I lingered in the silence when you thought yourself to be alone, every step you and your pathetic lover took, I already took before you. I am the goddamn master of games and I love to play”, he smiles, “I could do this all day.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m done playing your games. Either you tell me how to get Yoongi out of this mess or I’m leaving again.”

“Now that’s disappointing. Giving up so soon already?” his smile drops mechanically but the amused fire in his eyes stays, “I thought that you had more in you than that. Where is the fighter I love so much, mhm? The woman who clawed at the chair in fear but told her pathetic lover that it wasn’t his fault that he would rip her to shreds? Or the little girl who ran through the dark forest despite knowing that all the running in the world wouldn’t save her from death? Come on ___, give me a challenge.”

“Yeah? And despite all of that I’m still here. So where is the oh so skilful killer everyone sees you as, mhm? You couldn’t kill me all the times you tried. Sounds pretty pathetic to me.”

“But ___, I killed Yoongi.”

The second of victory you felt gets snuffed out and deep, painful hatred replaces it again.

Namjoon smiles brightly, showing you his teeth.

“Oh you are so much fun!” he exclaims and giggles, “you should see your face right now.”

“Fucking die!” you scream.

“Oh?” Namjoon lets out, widening his eyes in honest surprise as sharp pain courses through his head, “that’s interesting”, he laughs, “yes, that’s wonderful. Make my brain explode. How does it feel? How does it feel to hurt another person?”

“Shut up!” you yell, deepening your magic to the point where Namjoon bleeds out of his nose.

“Yes, give me everything. That’s it!” he exclaims, lips curling into a blissed grin. He writhes in pain, eyelids fluttering twice before he focuses his piercing gaze on you again, “it feels amazing doesn’t it? The power that comes with hurting another person is indescribable, isn’t it?”

“Be quiet, you disgust me so fucking much.”

“I disgust you? Ah ___ you are amazing”, he moans, throwing his head back and crying bloody tears, “I can feel it. I can feel my brain liquefying and fighting to heal. Oh it hurts so much”, he laughs, arching his back, “this is wonderful. The power you have, oh the carnage we could cause together if only you’d accept me.”

“Oh my god, be quiet”, you screech, spilling angry tears. You broaden your magic to the rest of his body, thinking about boiling his insides.

Namjoon yelps up, tugging at the magical chains holding him hostage.

“I hate you so much. I want you to die!”

“Yes, sweet girl yes!” Namjoon’s voice is muffled by the blood spilling out of his mouth, “hate me. Loathe me. Fucking crave my death! This is how it starts”, he growls, bloodied eyes focused on you in mad pleasure, “this is how it fucking starts”, he laughs and moans, knees buckling in weakness now that you are burning his lungs, “how I want you”, he chokes out, eyes focused on your face, “I could make you my equal. Together we could rule this world! He made you his princess? I could make you my queen!” he roars, “beautiful and twisted and dark as the night. My queen of carnage and suffering! Accept me ___!”

“Shut up!” you scream.

He starts gasping and coughing, unable to speak and you love it. You love that he doesn’t talk back anymore, finding comfort in the way he writhes in fight for air. You love that for just a second you have power over him. You are holding your hand over the flames of his life and with just one movement you could suffocate it and him right with it. You are the master of this game and you decide how it ends.

Namjoon lifts his eyes and smiles in understanding.

You stumble back. Your magic stops.

Namjoon gasps, growing big again now that pain isn’t dragging him down anymore.

“Yes!” he screams at you, laughing menacingly, “yes sweet girl yes! This was marvellous! Now tell me! Tell me how wonderful it felt to hold my life in your hands! Tell me!”

“Shut up!”

“Tell me how it felt to watch my creations die for your experiments. I bet you must have been so heartbroken about your failure and yet deep down it felt wonderful to know that you rid the earth of one more vermin. Admit it.”

“I’m not admitting anything! I hated it.”

“Don’t lie to me, I can sense when you do!”

“Well you are wrong. I hated every second of it.”

“Why are you lying? Why are you pretending as if you didn’t love it?”

“Because I didn’t!”

“Yes you did! Pain and death. Those things fuel you, admit it!”

“There is nothing to admit. If you hadn’t hurt Yoongi, I would have never turned into who I have to be.”

“Have to be?” Namjoon laughs, “you have to be nothing. You decided to let your pathetic grief turn you into an artist.”

“An artist?”

“Art, sweet girl. Pain, death, misery. It’s the most beautiful art a person can create. Oh to watch a person go from laughably confident to desperately pleading until heartbroken acceptance washes over them as they finally realise that death is imminent”, Namjoon pauses to writhe in pleasure, “it’s the most magnificent artwork one can create and you?” he gives you a lopsided smile, “you have potential for greatness.”

“You are disgusting.”

“Another lie.”

“I’m not lying! Stop it! I’m not lying!” you scream even if that makes him laugh.

“Of course you are. Lying to me, yourself, your friends. You pretend to be the good girl of the past, but you and I both know that you have long become an image of me.”

“No, I haven’t!”

“Of course you have, that is why you get off on killing my creations.”

“I’m not getting off on it.”

"Yes, you are. You love it. You love it so very much.”

“No, you are lying! You, you are saying all of that because you don’t know what else to say.”

“You loved it!” he yells at you, “admit it, little one. You loved it!”

“Yes! Yes, I fucking loved it!” you scream at him, stepping so close that you can smell the toxic stench of his blood, “each and every time I watched another one of your ugly rats die I fucking loved it! I can’t kill you, but at least I can rid the earth of your disgusting little creations and find comfort in the fact that one day you will be the only one left and then you will know that you have finally lost!”

Namjoon smiles, eyes flitting to your lips.

“See?” he rasps, “it wasn’t that hard to admit, was it?”

You stumble back with your heart aching in your chest. You touch your chest, feeling hot tears roll down your cheeks.

“Oh?” Namjoon watches it happening and pulls a grimace of faux worry, “how does he always say? Ah yes! Don’t cry, my princess.”

“Be quiet! Please!” you try to scream at him, but you end up sobbing, “I hate you! Die! Die! Die!” you screech, using every single painful spell you can think of to make him feel what you feel.

“Urgh”, Namjoon lets out, folding in on himself from the pain.

“Die! I hate you so much! You ruined everything!” you yell, kicking his stomach as your magic continues to distort his insides.

Namjoon groans, fighting the chains fruitlessly. The Unbreaking Shackles keep him from winning.

“Yes! Feel the pain! It hurts so much doesn’t it? Feel it!” you screech with mania in your eyes.

“What are you doing?”

You turn upon hearing the shocked voice behind you. Jimin is standing in the threshold, widened eyes racing between you and Namjoon’s writhing body.

“What are you doing here?” you throw back, stumbling back from Namjoon.

“I heard screaming so I thought I’d check it out. What the hell are you doing?”

“Cooking his intestines”, you pant and wheeze, squeezing the tears out of eyes.

“Uuuh…”

You whip around to hit Namjoon’s arm, “shut the fuck up! Stop moaning, you ugly cunt!” you yell at him.

“Impressive, but also what the fuck?” Jimin says.

“What?” you challenge him, “do you have pity for that monster?”

“N-no but still.”

“Urgh, you just ruined this moment. It’s no fun anymore”, you grumble, stopping the spell with a snap of your fingers.

Namjoon groans, throwing up black goo everywhere. He is heaving for air afterwards, body tangling from the chains weakly. You send him one last deathly glare and then turn to stomp out of the room. The torches die out, engulfing the room in pitch black darkness. You bump shoulders with Jimin as you pass him, making him stumble because he didn’t expect it even if he is able to see in the dark.

He catches himself soon enough, hurrying after you.

“You’re really fucking weird lately. Since when are you one for torture?”

“You don’t get to tell me what I can or can’t do”, you hiss, almost throwing the door closed on him if he hadn’t caught it before that could happen. Jimin slips into the dark first prison, eyes glued to the back of your head.

“I never said that, but I can still tell you that you’re different.”

“Thanks, losing your boyfriend does that to you.”

“Yeah well, not all is lost. You still have the others and they are waiting for you upstairs.”

“Let them wait.”

The prison door falls closed behind Jimin. Your initial plan was to take the path to your left and disappear in the tunnels, but you can’t do that now with Jimin tailing you like an annoying shadow. So you take the path to your right, clenching your jaw because your plans were all ruined.

“Where are you going now?”

“Away.”

“Are you aware that we made dinner?”

“So? I told you that I’ll eat later.”

“Why not now?”

“Because I’m not hungry.”

“Yeah you are. I can smell it.”

You scoff and ignore him.

“___”, Jimin says loudly.

You keep walking.

“___ hey!”

You keep walking.

Jimin appears in front of you.

“I’m fucking talking to you.”

“Yeah, sadly.”

“You’re not fucking funny when you’re like this”, Jimin hisses, “get a grip, for real.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Why? So you can go around torturing people again?”

“Urgh”, you growl angrily, thinking of someplace else. You disappear. Or so you think as seconds later, Jimin stumbles into your body after getting dragged with you through the portal.

“What are you doing?” you hiss, taking a step back.

“Oh god”, Jimin groans and bends forward to gag loudly, “I’m gonna be sick urgh”, he retches, holding his own stomach. 

“Why did you touch me? I wanted to be alone.”

Jimin lifts his finger, signalling you to give him a moment. He gulps, taking a deep breath afterwards. 

“I fucking hate portals”, he murmurs and shudders, “urgh that was the worst.”

“That’s what you get for grabbing me like that.”

“Grabbing you like that? Excuse me, I was merely trying to get you to stay.”

“Well I didn’t want to stay. I wanted to be alone.”

“Yeah. I can see that”, Jimin says, looking around himself.

You are in the middle of the forest, surrounded by snowy conifer trees and leafless scrubs. 

“It’s your fault. I was trying to get to the lake, but you interrupted my signals”, you say, stomping off into the direction of the estate. At least you hope that this is where it is.

“Your signals?” Jimin follows, “what? Like a GPS?”

“Basically.” 

He snorts, “well, I’m sorry for messing up your magical GPS. It won’t happen again.”

“Tch.” 

Jimin dodges a low hanging branch. A little bit of snow drips onto his shoulder because of it. 

“Where are you going?” he asks you.

“Back. It’s cold.”

“Exactly. Couldn’t you have teleported us to somewhere warmer?”

“Be quiet.”

Jimin watches you fight off some shrubs. You stomp off confidently once you won. 

“___, where are you going?” he calls after you.

“The estate obviously.”

“___!”

You ignore his call. He is so annoying.

“___!”

“What?” you whip around.

“The estate’s this way”, Jimin says, pointing over his shoulder. 

You huff out air, stomping into the direction of where he is pointing. You avoid his eyes, not wanting him to know that you were embarrassed by your mistake.  

Jimin follows you. On any other day he would have teased you about your mistake, but not today. You look tired and stressed and, quite frankly, broken by the world and Jimin knows better than to tease you. You aren’t yourself, so making mistakes was prone to happen. 

“Really quick question. Why aren’t you opening another portal?” he asks you. He isn’t cold, but can see that you are shivering. 

“Because it’s not that easy. My magic needs time to charge up again.”

“Well, maybe slow down and you’ll have more energy.”

“I can’t. I’ve already wasted so much time. I wanted to read the book today. Yeah, the one book. Stupid idea. Why did I teleport? I have to read the book.”

“___”, Jimin tries, taking your hand.

“What?” you hiss at him, letting him pull you back closer to him.

He takes off his jumper.

“The fuck are you doing?” you ask him, running your eyes up and down his exposed torso, “you’re stripping? Now?”

“Here”, Jimin says, pushing the jumper against your chest, “put it on, you’re shivering.”

“Oh, uhm”, you eye the blue sweater then his face. He seems determined to give it to you. “Thanks”, you mumble, accepting the jumper to pull it over your head. You feel warmer instantly.

“Sure.”

Jimin sets off, lifting his feet high to manoeuvre through the high snow successfully. You follow him. He looks unaffected by the cold.

“Are you sure that this is the way back?”

“Yes, I can hear the music coming from there. Tae’s playing the violin. Not like you care.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what I meant”, Jimin says, sneaking a glance your way. At least you are walking normally instead of running like a stressed deer. “I’m going to tell you the same thing you told me all those months ago. Tae loves you, so stop being an asshole to him.”

“I’m not being an asshole, the fuck?”

“Yeah you are. You think your whole entire I gotta save the world no matter what act doesn’t hurt him?”

“I’m not- this is not an act. I have to save Yoongi, don’t you get it?”

“I do, oh trust me, I do. If Tae was the one in a magical coma, I’d move heaven and hell to get him back, but you’re losing yourself and with it you are hurting Tae.”

“Tae understands that I have to do it. He’s helping me, isn’t he?”

“He’s only helping you because he’s scared that if he didn’t, you’d work yourself to death”, Jimin hisses with his voice slightly raised, “can you just for once pull your stubborn head outta your ass and think? You were so good at seeing things from other people’s perspective in the past. Where’s that empathy now?”

“Don’t…” you have to gulp, “don’t say that.”

Jimin pauses upon hearing the honest and utter hurt in your voice. He stops while you continue walking.

“Hey ___” he runs after you.

“I have empathy. I, I care for other people. I care. I do care. I care”, you are lost in repeating the same sentence over and over again, “I care. I care. I, I do care. I-I’m not- I’m not like him. I care.”

“Hey”, he tries again, touching your hand.

You flinch, looking scared for just a second before anger replaces it.

“Leave me alone”, you hiss, moving your hand away.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“As if you cared.”

“I do. I care”, Jimin insists and takes a cautious step closer, “I care.”

The honesty in his voice gives you enough reassurance that whatever you said, he will take seriously. And so you speak.

“He said that I’m turning into him. And, and that he killed-”, you can’t continue, “-I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“He lied”, Jimin says, “you are neither turning into him nor did he kill Yoongi. He lied.”

“No, he knew everything I wanted to say and, and why I visited him in the first place and, and he knew that I lied when I said that, that,”, you look at Jimin, remembering that he had no idea about what you have been doing in the tunnels, “it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does”, Jimin says, placing his hand on your upper arm, “Namjoon is abusive and manipulative. He will find the stuff which upsets you the most and he will use it against you until you feel like screaming. Whatever he said to you was nothing but his fucked up way of abusing you emotionally.”

“But he was right. In some parts he was right”, you whisper shakily, “when I hurt him I, I felt victorious. I liked it, Jimin”, you whimper, “I liked it.”

“I mean. Who wouldn’t enjoy a good torturing session with him? I sure as hell know that I’d have a bloody blast if I ever got the chance to do all the things he did to me. But that doesn’t mean you are turning into him.”

“I don’t know.”

“___ believe me”, Jimin cups your face, “I know firsthand how it feels to come out of a conversation with Namjoon. He had his fangs in you the whole time and bullshitted the ever living shit out of you.”

You lower your head.

“But that’s nothing to be ashamed of”, he says, tilting your head up again. He gives you a comforting, empathetic smile, “you came out of that conversation. That’s all that matters.”

“Fuck”, you let out, feeling so incredibly weak, “I’m so goddamn tired”, you confess and with a gentle push, escape Jimin’s grasp.

He watches you continue your defeated walk back to the estate, jogging to catch up with you once you are just far enough away from him.

“You know, if you want to talk-“

“I don’t want to talk anymore”, you interrupt him, “I just wanna get back to the estate and read the damned book.”

“Or perhaps the book could wait and you want to join us for dinner?” Jimin suggests, earning himself a dark look from you, “fine. No more talking.”

The estate is just in sight. Maybe nothing more than eight centimetres of size in your eyes’ view and with its illuminated windows looking like golden dots against the otherwise grey canvas. The walk is still long. Too long. Ending at the same place and situation you have found yourself in for too many weeks. Hopelessness and impasses.

You never should have visited Namjoon. Why did you think that he would help you? That he would be willing to give you answers? You are such a stupid woman sometimes.

“You know that night Yoongi talked to me was actually the night I wanted to leave you guys.”

You sneak a glance at Jimin. There are flakes of snow in his raven hair. They look like stars on the night sky.

“Didn’t we agree on no talking?” you ask him.

“It’s a nice story. You want to hear it, trust me.”

“Fine, then tell me.”

“I was pissed. So goddamn fucking pissed at the fact that I was losing Tae to you guys”, he laughs at himself at that sentence.

“If this is gonna be a story about how you found redemption, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Just listen.”

“I am.”

“Yoongi came to my room that night. I was so pissed at first. Pissed and angry and, and…scared? Yeah, I guess I was really scared too. Because holy fuck, Yoongi’s in my room and I’m fucking alone with him, lost all my strength and I’d been provoking him ever since I returned, surely he was finally here to kill me.”

Jimin takes a deep breath. 

“But he didn’t. He didn’t even yell at me. He just looked at me, then the suitcase I was packing and then he asked me what I was doing. So I told him that I was planning to leave because you all piss me off.” Jimin sneaks a glance at you, “sorry, I was being a dick.”

“It’s fine.”

He looks back at the trail.

“What happened next?” you ask quietly because you wanted to know more. Something you didn’t know about Yoongi yet. Something to keep him alive. Even if it just in stories.

“Nothing. He just looked at me. He looked at me for such a long time that I grew almost furious. Why was he looking at me? Does he want to turn me mad before hurting me? That’s what I thought. And I wanted to yell at him, but before I could, he talked. He walked to my bed, sat down at the edge of it and asked me why I treated Tae the way I did when I promised him love.”

Jimin’s breath shudders as he exhales, his hands close to fists. 

“And I stared. I stared at him and I didn’t know what to say. And, and my chest ached so much because he asked me something so many people asked me before, but it was him who asked it. Yoongi.”

Jimin blinks rapidly.

“Maybe it doesn’t make any sense to you, but when he asked that question my behaviour with Tae became so painfully real to me. Yoongi never cared about Tae or me or our relationship. Well, at least he pretended not to care. But now he was sitting here in my room, on my bed, and he asked me such an important question. And, and everything ached so much because of it.”

He pauses for a moment. The snow crunches under your feet. You can feel its effect on your skin as it falls from the sky, but you stay cold to it.

“And I told him that I had no idea. I wanted to call him names and tell him to piss off, but I didn’t. I just spoke the truth. That I didn’t know why I treated him like I did. And Yoongi merely nodded his head and hummed and then he was silent again.”

He holds your hand to help you over a high heap of snow, holding your hand on the way down as well. He lets go afterwards, but the warmth of his touch still remained on your skin.

“And it frightened me so much that, that I continued to speak. I told him that I can only get Tae to stay with me if I acted the way I did and Yoongi scoffed and told me that suffocating him will one day end in his fondness for me to suffocate right with him. And he was so right and, and it pissed me off so much. So I called him an asshole and Yoongi looked at me and sighed as if he was disappointed in me.”

He scoffs in amusement. 

“And that pissed me off even more, because I, I was being held responsible by Yoongi and that scared me so much. So I told him to stop being nosy and to piss off and Yoongi didn’t say anything, he let me finish my asshole rant. He nodded his head. And then there was silence again and I’m telling you by that point I wanted to cry because it felt like he was torturing me. He, he was supposed to come here to kill me, to be mean to me and to explode like he always did and now he was talking to me. Normally. Patiently. Respectfully. While I called him names. And it hurt so much because I felt so respected while being so disrespectful in return. And that hurt so much. And then he talked again. I remember it clearly.”

He looks at you. You stop. Jimin stops. The snowfall continues.

“He looked into my eyes and told me that despite his distaste for me, he understood why I acted the way I did. And that he was sorry for what Namjoon did to me.”

Jimin breaks eye contact, letting his eyes race over the endless sky. The snow hits his face, but he stays unaffected by it.

“And then he told me that it was my decision to leave, but shall I choose to stay, I could live with the knowledge that Namjoon will never get to me again because he was there to protect me, just like he was there to protect all of you guys.”

He sniffles.

“And then he said that he hoped that one day he and I could finally stop fighting because he doesn’t want my harm, he just wants me to heal from what I’ve been through.”

He listens to the small whimper you let out and feels himself become sad as well. 

“He did tell me that I was acting like a big asshole at some point in that conversation, just so we’re clear. He didn’t lose all of his gruff”, he jokes in hopes of turning your whimper into a laugh. 

It works. Partially. As it was of incredibly sad nature, just as your scent was soaked in it. So he tries to cheer you up by nudging you with his elbow. It elicits another chuckle and for your eyes to lock with his. Your smile fades out slowly, your eyes race between his’. 

“Why did you tell me this?” you ask quietly.

“I don’t know. I just thought that maybe you wanted to know a story about him you didn’t know yet.”

An honest smile brushes your face just as quick as a breath of wind does a tree. Sad and aching yearning remains.

“I did”, your voice is barely present, “thank you, Jimin…I guess”, you lower your eyes, “I guess, I don’t know”, you whisper.

Jimin places his hand on your arm, making you look at him. His eyes carry understanding comradery.

“I miss him too”, he whispers, “you will get him back, I promise you.”

“I don’t know anymore.”

“Don’t think about what Namjoon said. He was the manipulative cunt he always is. You will reunite with Yoongi.”

“What if-“

“No ifs. There are no ifs. Only when”, he interrupts you, “call me a hopeless romantic, but from what I have learned from living for too many lifetimes, there are certain people meant to meet and be together. And you two are such people.”

“What, like soulmates?” you ask mockingly. There would have been a time in your life where such words would have melted you into a puddle of giddiness. But not anymore. Nothing can melt the iciness you feel each passing day. You just find mocking in the warmth.

“Call it however you want. But I know. I know that no matter where or when you guys would have been born, you would have always found each other.”

You listen. The thought hurts. That no matter how long or short it would have taken the two of you to find each other, you would have. It hurts so much because he isn’t here anymore.

“I just don’t…feel that anymore.”

“Oh be quiet”, Jimin says, giving your arm a squeeze, “I have known Yoongi for almost three centuries, but not once has someone managed to make him commit to more than just a quick fling, let alone turn his emotions on. But you did. Three thousand years and then you come along and make him feel. Feel so greatly that he is laughing and smiling and thinking about life. And if that isn’t proof enough that no matter what happens, the two of you will end up together, then I’ll be fucking damned.”

“I feel like it’s not possible anymore.”

“You may feel like it now, but that’s your exhausted brain talking. Listen to me. You two will dance in the greenhouse again and hug in the sitting room and, and do whatever cheesy shit you guys do in private. I know it.”

You don’t make a sound as the tears begin to fall. You just let it happen, sinking into yourself before Jimin lets you fall safely against his chest instead. 

“I know it, ___, I know”, he whispers, holding you the entire time you cry that night outside in the noiseless snowfall. 

Consciousness returns to you come morning. You didn’t go to bed after Jimin left you in your bedroom. You left for the library again. The book couldn’t wait. You must have fallen asleep.

You lift your head, flinching in surprise when you finally take in the shadow beside you. Taehyung flinches back, retreating his hand from shaking you by your shoulder.

“It’s only me”, he says, “please don’t hurt me.”

You blink in the bright room. Every inch of your body hurts. Your stomach aches in hunger. You didn’t eat dinner last night. Even if they tried to get you to eat some. You were too upset to feel appetite. The consequences show themselves in the form of a painful stomach cramp.

Taehyung watches you clasp your own stomach and listens to the painful groan you let out.

“Darling, do you want to eat breakfast?” he asks.

“I can’t eat breakfast. I wasted so much time. I need to get back to my research.”

Taehyung watches you as you scramble to your feet to get new books. He follows you. You manage to get as far as five steps and then your knees buckle in weakness. Taehyung circles you, placing his hands on your waist, holding you up that way.

“Eat something first, please”, he tries.

“I’ll do it later. Promise”, you dismiss him, pushing yourself past him.

“No”, Taehyung says and picks you up.

“Hey! What are you doing!? Let me down”, you gasp, growing limp over his shoulder in pure exhaustion.

“You are going to eat your cursed breakfast or so heavens help me.”

“Taehyung, please let me down. I can walk on my own.”

Taehyung does let you down. In the kitchen. Where the others are gathered around the table with a grim and worried expression.

“What are you guys doing here?” you ask them.

“We need to talk”, Seokjin says with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Okay?”

“You have to eat”, Jungkook says, pointing at the food presented on the table.

Taehyung pushes you down on a chair, placing himself beside you to take watch.

“We won’t leave this room until you ate”, Seokjin says sternly.

Leftovers from yesterday’s dinner are waiting for you. Right next to a plate of pancakes. The edges are slightly burned and someone drew a heart on them with chocolate syrup.

You lift your head, staring at Taehyung. His head is lowered, his gaze shy. He is even fumbling with his thumbs, gnawing on his lower lip.

“Did you cook that?” you ask him.

“Yes, I did and I worked very hard on them, so please eat them. And the leftovers, they taste so good. You have to try them. Please.”

With a trembling sigh, you look back at the pancakes. He did that for you, because he wanted you to feel better. They all did that for you, even if you were acting like a total bitch lately.

You pick up the cutlery and cut into the sweet cakes. They are fluffier inside than they may look outside. The first bite almost melts in your tongue from how delicious they are. 

“And?” Taehyung asks insecurely.

“They’re really good. Thank you so much”, you whisper, feeling close to tears.

You are so stupid for visiting Namjoon last night. Now all you want to do is cry. You worked so hard to get over that phase and now it’s back. You hate this so much. 

Hoseok places a cup of your favourite tea in front of you, sitting down afterwards. Seokjin and Emma join his side. Jungkook sits down opposite of them. Taehyung makes sure that the right amount of milk is in the tea, sitting down next to you.

“Thank you”, you say, tensing up when he places his hand on your arm most tenderly.

“Of course. I just want you to be healthy. You know that, don’t you? We all do.”

“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry, you guys. I know I should have stayed with you last night, but I just…couldn’t.”

“We know. Jimin told us everything once you went to bed”, Jungkook reassures you.

You sneak a glance at Jimin. He is sitting next to Jungkook, watching you eat with a stern yet compassionate expression.

“I see”, you whisper. You force yourself to take another bite of the pancakes. So they know you visited Namjoon. They know about what you did to him. You have to fight to swallow the food. It wants to leave you again, but you can’t let that happen. You are so hungry, you have to eat. “Those pancakes are really good”, you press out with a trembling voice, forcing another bite to stay in your mouth.

Taehyung cups the back of your head and pulls you into a soft forehead kiss. It stops some of that awful tension in your chest.

“Eat as much as you want, sweetest.”

“Mh-hm.”

Your gazes meet.

“I’m sorry”, you whisper, “I’m being a lot lately.”

“It’s okay, darling”, Taehyung assures you, giving you a soft smile. He caresses your elbow, “we’ll figure it out together.”

“Yes, we will. Thank you”, you say, leaning closer for another forehead kiss.

One Taehyung retorts happily. He caresses your cheek with the back of his hand once he pulls back.

“Now eat, sweetest. You need the strength.”

You turn to the pancakes and eat them. You feel a little better doing it. Taehyung’s presence helps you feel strong enough not to throw them up again. The others are here too, paying you company. You look at them. Every single one of them gives you a smile when you lock eyes. You have to look away in the end. You want to cry. You really do.

“You guys should eat too”, you whisper, “there is so much food still here, I can’t eat it alone.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Anyone want something to drink to it?” Hoseok offers, standing up to get some coffee.

“Coffee would be lovely”, Emma says.

“For me too”, Jimin says.

The others decline him, but begin sharing the food with you. It tastes better now that you are sharing it with them. You aren’t immune to the feeling of sharing food with your dearest friends. It makes you feel connected to them and maybe for just a little while, you don’t feel alone anymore. The feeling is so strong, even, that after some time you even like the conversation they have, partaking in it with a lighter heart. So much happened in their lives. Seokjin and Emma have started to propagate flowers for the next season. They invite you to come visit them once they start planting them. You accept it under the condition that if Yoongi is better, you will come. Hoseok has started a dance program in town. You had no idea, but apparently the others did. Jimin agreed to help him with setting everything up and they agreed on each teaching a class. Hoseok will teach modern dance while Jimin will have a more classic approach. You are so excited for them and promise to visit them once Yoongi is better again.

Jungkook has been training with Taehyung. He is getting better day by day. You knew he would. He is such a fighter.

And Taehyung plans to take you on a trip to the coast. You promise him to take him up on his offer once Yoongi is back.

“No. We will leave later today”, Taehyung says.

“What?” you gasp. The once sweet sugar cookie starts to taste bitter on your tongue, “but you know that I can’t leave.”

“I know, but you really need a break and I promise you that a few days at the coast will do you well.”

“No they won’t. I have so much stuff to do.”

“Stuff which will still be here once you return. The others all agreed to it. They will care for Yoongi while you and I relax.”

You look at the others.

“You agreed on it? Without asking me?”

“You were never here so we thought that we could surprise you”, Hoseok explains.

“Surprise me? By doing what? Sending me away like a crazy person?”

“We aren’t sending you away like a crazy person. We want you to be able to relax for a few days”, Emma explains, “I promise you that finding a solution will come so much easier to you once you gave your brain a little break.”

“How could you do this to me?” you ask them, looking back at Taehyung, “you can leave without me. I’ll stay.”

“Please darling. I have so much stuff planned to do with you. Can’t you do this for me?”

“But Yoongi.”

“He will be in good hands with the others.”

“I can’t give up on him.”

“I’m not asking you to give up on him, I’m asking you to not give up on yourself in the process! You need a break, please listen to me.”

“A break? You think I can relax when, when I know that, that I’m wasting so much time not doing what I’m supposed to do?”

“You are supposed to relax!” Taehyung is yelling, but you stand your ground.

“No! I’m supposed to safe him! I’m the only fucking person who can do that. I’m the one with magic. I’m the one who, who even put him into this state in the first place.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Taehyung laughs breathily, “you didn’t do that to him. Namjoon did.”

“Yes and I have to reverse it”, you yell because you can’t do anything else anymore, “I can’t give up on him.”

“You are acting reckless.”

“I didn’t give up on you either, did I?”

“But you did!” he yells, slamming his hand on the table. You thought Taehyung yelled before but this is different, this is soaked in pain and hurt and makes the room shake, “you went and fell in love with Yoongi while I was suffering in prison. You gave up on me long ago, be fucking honest!”

“Taehyung”, Seokjin and Hoseok gasp simultaneously.

“Don’t say that”, Jungkook gasps, staring at him with widened eyes.

“Yeah seriously, that’s not true. Even I can see that”, Jimin says.

Taehyung looks between them, then back at you. The utter heartbreak on your face almost shatters him.

“I didn’t mean that”, he says, trying to reach out for you, “my sweetest, I’m sorry, I-”

You step back before he can touch you, staring him down with tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Darling”, Taehyung tries.

You turn without saying another word, leaving the room in big steps.

“___ my sweetest, I’m sorry please I-”, Taehyung gets his words cut off by you slamming the door closed right on front of his nose with the help of your magic.

They can hear one more door slamming closed and then you mask yourself with magic, making it unable to hear where you go next.

Taehyung turns, looking at the others with guilt and helplessness on his face.

“Please don’t be angry at me. I, I didn’t mean it”, he begs, breaking down a second later.

Jungkook is loading bags into one of their cars when you finally return. The really fast model with only two seats and way too much horsepower. Everyone, except Taehyung and Jimin, is here.

“What are you doing? Are you leaving?” you ask Seokjin and Emma.

“We aren’t. You and Jungkook are”, Seokjin tells you.

“What? But I told you that I don’t want to go.”

“And we didn’t fucking ask”, Seokjin hisses.

“Wow. Okay. Thanks.”

“Go with Kookie, it will do you good”, Emma says with more compassion in her voice, “you need a break. Taehyung needs a break as well. You know as well as we do that if you don’t take those few days off now, you might lose him.”

You thought about that as you tried to calm down far away from the estate. You know that Taehyung and you are at a breaking point. That one wrong step could ruin everything you built.

“Where is he?”

“Out with Jimin. Taking his mind off of everything”, Emma places her hand on your shoulder, “please go with Jungkook. He promised to let you be grumpy the entire trip.”

You look at Jungkook, who just this moment joined your side. He nods his head, looking at you sternly.

“And if you don’t want to do it for yourself. Do it for Tae. He needs to know that you are taking a break”, Hoseok says, “please ___ do that for him.”

They are right. Like so many times in the past, they are right. And you want to listen to them, even if it is extremely hard.

“Okay. Okay, I will go on this fucking trip”, you say, turning away when they start cheering for you. It feels like mockery to be happy about it. The only reason why you are going is because you want to show Taehyung that you haven’t given up on your relationship.

You hug them as they say their goodbyes, but you don’t feel good doing it. You should be in the library catching up on your books. They wish you a restful time and you wish them a good time. You know that you won’t be resting. You are leaving Yoongi. You are leaving the one person who needs your help.

You cry once Jungkook drives off. And Jungkook tries to comfort you with his hand on your thigh and tears in his eyes.

You cry long into the drive. At some point, Jungkook had to stop at a random shop. It was a carpenter. You got a panic attack. It forced you to throw up on the sidewalk. You are going the wrong way. You are leaving Yoongi. You screamed not at him, but at the injustice of the situation. And Jungkook cried with you and he did so as miserably as you. He only managed to calm you down after you took your ring off and he caressed your temples, kissing your forehead over and over again. He wouldn’t have ever been able to stop the attack otherwise. You continued the drive afterwards. The town is behind you, the endless highway is in front of you. Jungkook gave you some water to drink after crying too much. You finished a quarter of it, now clutching it between your legs. You want to cry more, but you can’t. You are going the wrong way. You shouldn’t put distance between you and Yoongi, you should be with him. Fighting for him. Helping him.

The sign for the exit passes you. You look at it until it disappears in the rear view mirror.

“You just passed the exit”, you tell him dryly.

“I know”, he answers you, speeding up.

You sneak a glance at him.

“We’re not going to the coast”, he explains.

“Huh? But Taehyung-”

“Taehyung decided to stay at the estate, it’s his fault. If he wanted to make sure that we arrived by the coast, he should have come with us.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not abandoning Yoongi”, Jungkook tightens his grip on the steering wheel, “we’re not going to the coast, we’re going back to Meredith.”

So he understands. He is still willing to fight for Yoongi. And you will finally get all those books you have been dreaming about. Yoongi’s recovery will be so, so close. Overwhelmed by the happiness you feel, you lean in and kiss his cheek.

Jungkook flusters, sneaking a shy glance at you.

“Thank you, Kook”, you say, stealing one last kiss from him before falling back against the seat.

“Course”, he says and places his hand on your thigh, “you should try to sleep. We’ll drive the entire night.”

You intertwine your fingers with him and rest your head on the window, finally closing your eyes.

[icyminghao]

2023 with icyminghao!

to start off, to say i’m massively grateful would be an understatement. i honestly didn’t expect to start writing again after quitting like 5 years ago 💀 and just decided to write for boynextdoor on a whim bc they haven’t debuted yet and would probably need some writers on the blr 😎

i was really excited to try out writing again having been a ghost reader for so long HELP (i’m not proud) and fate just led me back to my ult seventeen!

when i wrote, i just wanted to get my work out there and published on the cloud, and the reception and friends i made along the way were certainly not on my bingo card but a welcome surprise nonetheless. i’m really, really grateful that people like reading my work and i’m sorry that i can’t push out fics regularly! i write on random spurts of inspiration and i have so many wips rn PLS i’ll do my best to publish them all soon!!!

and now to the friends i made along the way! i may not have been talking to y’all much lately but i’m still so grateful to have met each and everyone of you in my writing journey, y’all have been some of the sweetest, funniest, and most genuine people i have met ever and i love all of you guys:

zanna @slytherinshua my first friend on the blr!! so so in awe at how you’re in so many fandoms like it’s genuinely mind blowing to me (in a good way!) and i also like some of hoppipolla’s music and you’re the first person i’ve seen to like them too!! but anyways you’ve been so so sweet and kind and i love how you always strive to interact with everyone (hence the movie night and trying to accommodate to everyone’s schedules was so sweet btw)!! i hope 2024 treats you so well and i love you so much

yena @fairyhaos my butterfly :( you are genuinely the sweetest and cutest person i’ve ever met like i always have a smile on my face when i talk to you!! there is really never a dull moment in our conversations bc you’re just so so genuine and kind!!! i love your works too even though i may not have been interacting much (i try my best!!!) and i hope 2024 treats you well!! all the best for your upcoming exams too :)

skye @etherealyoungk skye!!! omg i always love talking to you :) you always feel like the older sister i never had and everytime i talk to you i just feel so warm all around like you’re just so sweet and kind and i hate how you’re always swarmed with exams but i know you’ll always just ace it anyway like the star student you are 😎 anyway if its possible i really hope 2024 brings you less academic stress and more fun!!!!!! i’m always rooting for you skye i love you sm :(

axe @blue-jisungs axie my honey pumpkin cupcake with buttercream frosting and 2 marshmallows and a cherry on top i love you sm :( you’re so so sweet and funny and i always love interacting with you and reading all the silly nicknames we come up with for each other i love you sm!! i hope 2024 will be the best year for you yet and it’ll only go up from here :) college is going to be so great for you too you’re gonna have so much fun!!!! and ace all your exams bc you’re just that smart 😎😎 love you!!

jada @kyeomyun jada :( i always love talking with you bc we always use all caps and it’s just so funny to me HELP but anyways you haven’t been active much and i hope life has been good to you and will be better in 2024 bc you deserve it sm!! i miss you sm and you’re literally so sweet and kind and i hope we get to talk more in 2024!

hana @wqnwoos quite literally my favourite writer i can’t believe i’m actually friends with you!! so starstruck HAHA but aaaa hana i love you sm your works literally bring light to my day like how do you write like that. and you’re so nice too like fr a whole package!! i hope 2024 brings you nothing but joy bc you really deserve it hehe

mellow @haowrld my fellow 8star!! i love you sm and i’m so sad we haven’t been able to talk lately (100% my fault i am absolutely horrible at replying) but you’re such a fun person to talk to and i hope 2024 will be a great year for you!!

rania @wheeboo rania!! i love your writing sm and you’re so so sweet too and quite literally the queen of reaction stickers i still love them so much HAHAHA we haven’t been able to talk much lately but i still love you with my whole heart and hope that 2024 is the best year for you!!

jem @pepperonidk jem!! i loved our conversations on movies and camp with the kids and i hope you’re having the time of your life in korea :) you’re so so kind and sweet and i always love talking with you, it really never fails to bring a smile to my face hehe i hope 2024 brings you all the joy!!

sky @weird-bookworm sky! omg i really need to get better at replying bc i love talking with you and would really really love to get closer AAA but you’ve been so sweet to me and i’m really grateful to have met you :( you’re always encouraging me to continue writing and i’m really thankful and i hope 2024 is your best year yet!

and to my other moots @woozvc @mirxzii @jeonride @trblsvt @hannyoontify @frenshushutoast @haecien @rubywonu we haven’t been able to interact much but i love you all sm nonetheless!! i’ll be interacting with you all much more in 2024 so be ready hehe 🤭🤭

and to my followers!!! i love you all sm and i’m so grateful that y’all like my work like genuinely ☹️☹️ i don’t deserve y’all!! i always love looking at your reblogs and it motivates me to continue writing!! and to the ghost readers (i’ve been there 💀) i appreciate y’all too hehe i’ll try my best to publish more quality work this 2024 that i hope y’all would like!!!! thank you sm 🩷

to 2024 😋

ps also wna thank some of my favourite writers out there i love your work sm literally my comfort: @leejungchans @wooahaes @thepixelelf @viastro @toruro @lovelyhan @97-liners @wqnwoos (😚) @wonwoonlight @twogyuu

[majorproblems77]

Hi all! Bonus links updated! Which means I am back to ramble about it! :D

Hello hello!! :D

Hope you are all having a wonderful day (And if not maybe some rambling can make it better!) Bonus links is back with Homesick part 5.

I LOVE THIS COMIC

Nuff said :D

Im kidding, but im also not kidding. This comic is wonderful and always so well done! I love it sm, also mandatory Loft my beloved, because he is the bestest boy in the worlds.

For the important stuff! All art belongs to @bonus-links and the artist @ezdotjpg. Please go and look at their other stuff too! And I once again thank you for letting me do these.

You can find a link to the comic here!!! Please go and give the original post some love!

Now, Grab a drink, and some popcorn cause I am about to take you on a journey. Mainly a rambling journey, but a journey nonetheless!

Let's do this!

Loft.... Loft are you remembering the same trip I am cause you looked horrified. Im sure he kinda had fun eventually but I remember the shenanigans.

Wake is just happy to be here.

And poor wolf. He Frow up! (This made me cackle so much thank you)

Wake really do be :3 Gives me cat vibes.

I love how expressive he is. He's so proud of himself.

Oh my god, these two deserve the literal world I love them so damn much okay.

(Is this analysis just gonna be me hyping about all of these guys for 30 minutes. Probably, but that's what you signed up for so.... :D )

Okay okay okay

So, Aryll has a joy pendant and this gives me joy, did wake give to her from his adventure? That makes me so happy.

And Tetra! Holy hell she looks so cool! Badass bitch over here and I am here for it.

Also, just to check, Thats Linebecks jacket, right? The one he wore in phantom hourglass. I dont remember seeing him give it to Tetra at any point in time. So, how is it she's come across it?

I assume it's just he gave it to her at one point and she wears it as a sign of respect?

Ohno.... OH NO

Tetra looks like she is about to kill Ganondorf all over again, Also also, the background behind Tetra. Protective mode activated.

This one, I am loving how it looks like water. I was literally screaming, though, you get that feeling you recognise something? It's something Something about the water.

I'll be back...

(Investigates)

OHHHHHHHHHH

ITS FROM THE GANON PICTURE, ITS FROM THE GANON PICTURE. FROM THE UPDATE THEY MET WAKE.

THIS ONE

(From Homesick pt3 - link here!)

Also the shadows? The way the light comes up from below her rather than above her at this point. The final fight had this in the final stages. A nice detail.

This is the face of fear

Help him

Man is about to get killed, tetra is to be feared and I love her.

Also

I THOUGHT THE EYEPATCH WAS A FASHION STATEMENT WHAT HAPPENED. WAKE ARE YOU OKAY?

She has a point. Stabbing Ganondorf in the head is what caused him to turn to stone, so for all she knows Ganondorf could be walking around right now causing havoc.

And how, casual Wake is about it is probably not helping.

I love how protective of Gran Gran Tetra is, (as she should be Gran Gran is wonderful) and she has a point Wake like the hell why are you bringing in shenanigans on your poor Gran Gran's birthday.

HE

LOFT BELOVED

TRULY THE MASTER OF STANDING IN ALL TIMELINES I LOVE HIM A HEALTHY AMOUNT

okay im done

Yeah, Wake go and see your Gran Gran. Can't believe you are late so rude to Gran Gran.

Also him tucking the windwaker in the back of his belt, a nice touch!

Also, I know it's not meant to be a lil face, but I can't unsee the lil face on Tetras cheek. It's so angry and sad and I love it.

Tetra's inner demon is just as mad as she is

Oh my god I love Gran Gran so much

She is actually beloved because she's so sweet! And Wake loves his gran so much I just ahhhhhh

I love them

His little squishy face oh bless him.

Linebeck, Linebeck please, he's lowkey their uncle. Look at how disappointed Wake and Aryll look.

Gran Gran you look wonderful.

Oh they all got towels thats so sweet

Also I am loving the backgrounds, the inside of Gran Gran's House is just wonderful.

So here is some of the stuff I've spotted, which from my understanding come from a mix of Windwaker and Phantom hourglass.

Yahaha! You found him! :D

What I believe is the Town flower? I think that's right.

A Ruto crown I believe!

They went ice skating and thats adorable

Look at this boy

How could you not love him?

Cause I do

Loft my beloved

Me figuring out if this is saying Lie to my gran or Dont lie to my gran because of that hand.

Pretty sure it's Lie to my Gran. But I think it's funnier if it's, Dont lie to my gran.

Take it as you will

Loft using Groose, he looks so nervous I love him,

Wolf picking Rusl makes me so happy. Man is a hometown kid.

Slate, the sweet darling boy. I love all of them very much. Also, with that smug face, he 100% knew what he was doing.

This is the look of a man who likes you because his grandmother approves of you.

Also, I think I would literally die for Gran Gran i love her to pieces and if anything happens to her I will go on a rampage, (Affectionally, with a tub of ice cream)

This update was wholesome I loved it. AND THOSE BACKGROUNDS YES.

Background appreciation time

Look at the detail on the boat!

Even out of focus the fact that you can see the blades of long grass or the hatching on the window.

(ALso look at how sweet my blorbo is Loft beloved)

I just love how much detail is in the house or on the tree to the right hand side here.

And the little flowers just outside I see you. so cute!

Now inside the House is just so incredible looking.

The small details on the blanket on the bed, or the pictures on the wall. The fact that you can make out what they are at this distance is just so cool okay.

Again, the details on the items on the shelf, or in the flowers in the top right-hand corner.

It's just incredible how detailed stuff is and I love it.

Love it so much!

Okay thats my rambles done for another update. Thanks for following along!

I hope you have a great day! :D

[cramathonn]

Pompey died, cried, and hated becoming a ethereal

SPOILERS FOR THE 1.2 STORY QUEST AHEAD!!

He did

He hated it

Like, listen

That man looked so pained, like obviously physically, did you see how unnaturally his arms bent? But the look he gave Caesar as he pushed her away

That MILISECOND glance he gave her

It was pain, it was distaste at himself, disappointment that he was becoming an Ethereal

That man died being betrayed, didn't get the chance to be treated and saved because of the sabotage Lucius planed and had people watch him as he turned into an Ethereal

I am in shambles

My dear sweet Pompey, Hoyo did you so dirty... You deserved so much better

I need to make fix it x readers like, y'all have NO IDEA how HYPED I was, believing he was going to be playable, in love with his design

And them BOOM death

IN FRONT OF ME

TWICE

HE GOT BACKSTABBED IN THE COMIC CUTSCENE

AAND THEN IN AN ACTUALLY 3D CUTSCENE

Like, please Hoyo, that is targeted harassment agains me and my fellow Pompey enjoyers

I hope they pull a HSR and make dead characters playable, because I need him in my team

But yeah, he did

He totally cried when no one was there

Not of sadness, no, but of pure and sheer fustration. Frustration that his right hand betrayed him, frustration that he didn't see it sooner and frustration because he was going to become a monster due to how hopeful and forgiving he was towards Lucius

That

That just hurts me so much... My sweet old man Ily sm and I would fuck you even as a monster because gyatt dayum, that etheral design bangs, I would so let Ethereal Pompey ruin my insides, y'all have no idea

[antoncore]

Seunghan left..

It's very upsetting to see that the company did not even try to protect him from the start. His privacy got invaded yet SM didn't even do something about it letting him carry those burdens (made by the company and those so called 'fans'). I just feel so sad that his dreams got taken away from him just because he had life, and what makes me more sad is his love for the members. I can't imagine the horror for him in the past 2 days, and again, SM DIDN'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK. I really can't explain nor express what I feel right now. It's also a shame to be a kbriize right now (I am Korean sadly), I feel like I'll live with this shame forever but I'll always be grateful that I fought for him along with the members and fellow OT7s. I'm so sorry, Seunghan, you deserved better.

(I'm sorry for venting this on your ask, I'm just so sad and hurt about the news.)

-🧜🏻

it’s okay, please don’t apologise :( even from the message he posted, it’s evident that he cares for his members so much. i really hate that the voices that spread hate were so much louder than the voices that wanted to show how loved he is. and please don’t feel ashamed, sm and those who’ve said and done such nasty things deserve to feel that instead. i really hope that seunghan and the members are okay and can get the support they need after going through this because it’s been so much within the past 2 days. sm are so selfish i hate them, fuck sm