#i am running on so little sleep rn it's insane

[sleepis4theweak]

Yeah no so I've got literally zero context for this one...

Feel free to make up your own.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[fcthots]

One more because I have so many thoughts rn🤭

Soft Jay and just cuddling with him to sleep but you're feeling a little Adventurous 🤭😏

I know damn well he'll never deny you because he literally wants you all the time

-🌊

The cuddling was innocent…at first. Normal spooning, his arms protectively wrapped around you.

His fingers were trailing up and down your sides. It lit a fire under your skin. There was no way you were going to fall asleep now. He was doing it innocently. You knew that. He just loved to run his hands over your skin. It was sweet!

But right now it was driving you insane. He doesn’t seem to notice the way you try to rub your thighs together, but either way it offers you no relief. His hand makes its way to your stomach, and you can’t help it anymore.

You move your hips back into his. You can’t see his face, but you can picture the expression. His entire body freezes, unsure if you moved into him on purpose or not. Was it an innocent gesture or anything but?

You’ll have to clear up any confusion.

You put your hand over his, guiding it under your shirt and higher. You press his hand into your tit and squeeze.

He chuckles. “I won’t lie. I did not see this coming, …but I am not complaining.”

[fandoms-writings]

Pursuit

Pairing: Nomad!Steve x Agent!Reader

Word Count: 1.7K

Summary: Requested by anon - "Don't go where I can't follow, I thought I lost you"/"Honey, you're exhausted, go back to sleep."

Warnings: it's angsty, reader curses, but that's about it.

A/N: I promise I'm working on getting through these requests, life is just insane rn and i've been trying to get into some digital art, so i'm a little busy rn.

Masterpost

The second Steve stepped through the door of their latest safehouse, he knew something was off. The hair on the back of his neck stood at attention and he honed in all of his senses to focus on his surroundings. The others were still on their way, they'd all taken different routes here to at least try not to bring attention here, though it seemed like that didn't matter in the end. 

If the house was compromised, they'd need to make a swift exit, hopefully without killing anyone. But that also meant they had one last place they could safely hide from SHIELD. 

He steeled himself before taking cautious steps through the front room, back to the kitchen where he would check the dining room before heading up the stairs to clear the bedrooms. But there was something that caught his attention in the dining room. 

It looked like someone was seated there at the table in the dark. He clenched his fist, bracing himself for whatever was coming, and turned the light on. 

He thought he'd been found, that sitting at the table was an agent, waiting to bring him in. Or maybe even a Hydra agent, ready to kill him. For a second, he thought Nat could've been there - she did like to scare the crap out of him every now and then. 

But when that light turned on, it was worse than any of those outcomes. It was a sight that had his heart aching in his chest. 

You were seated at the table, staring at him with a gaze of steel, your hands folded over a gun on the table. 

He took a breath to steady himself from the shock of seeing you before taking a tentative step into the room. He didn't think he'd ever see you again if he was being honest with himself, not after he left SHIELD. 

"You were harder to track down than I thought you'd be," Your voice filled the room and he barely kept himself from flinching. You never spoke to him like this, cold and emotionless, he'd heard it in interrogations that you lead, but it was never aimed at him. "I suppose Nat's to thank for that." 

"What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to take a subtle glance around the room to see if you'd bought anyone with you. 

"It's just us, you can stop being paranoid." 

He glanced back to you, only letting his shoulders drop slightly before he gripped the back of the chair in front of him. "Why are you here?" 

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, "Not even a 'hey baby, i missed you' huh?" You leaned back in your chair, folding your arms across your chest, "No, 'sorry I left you behind when we went on the run'?" 

He sighed, hanging his head. "I didn't want to leave you there." He muttered. 

"Bull shit," You snapped, "You know I would've dropped everything for you." 

He nodded at his feet, "I know. I'm sorry." 

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it this time, Steve." 

He lifted his head to look at you when your voice broke over his name, the tension in his shoulders from the day falling, replaced by a new stress. The way you were looking at him was devastating. Your jaw was clenched as you fought the wobble in your lips. The bags under your eyes were more prominent than he'd ever seen before, and your chest was heaving in uneven breaths as you kept yourself together. 

"I know," He started, "I know an apology isn't enough. But I am sorry." Slowly, he rounded the table until he stood three from you, his eyes glancing down to your shaking hands as you gripped your arms. "I wanted to come get you, but I didn't know if your department had been compromised or not. I also didn't want to force you to become federally wanted by the government, and there definitely wasn't enough time to talk about it." 

You were silent, watching him out of the corner of your eye as he pulled out the chair next to you, taking a seat and leaning his elbows on his knees. 

"The plan was to contact you when things calmed down," He explained, "It's just taken a lot longer than I thought it would." 

You let out a wet scoff, your voice tight as you said, "You're Captain America, Steven, on the run. What did you think? That they'd forget about you after a few days?" 

The attitude, the sass you gave him warmed his heart a bit - it meant you weren't so mad at him that it wasn't fixable, so he let out a small breath. 

"I don't know," He muttered, "With everything going on, I guess I didn't really think about it." 

"No shit." Your voice broke and he watched the first tear break through your lashes. He reached up, brushing it away with his knuckles before cupping your face, his heart aching in his chest like it was trying to reach for yours. They'd been off the grid for weeks now - weeks that he hadn't been able to hold you, to kiss you, to just be with you. 

"I'm so sorry, baby," He whispered, leaning so far forward that he slid out of his chair, gently landing on his knees in front of you. 

"Did you really think I wouldn't come for you?" You asked and he shook head. 

"I wasn't sure," he muttered, "I didn't know how tight of a leash they'd have on you because of who you are to me." His brows pulled together in thought and his paranoia began to creep back up the back of his neck. "How did you get out?" 

You smirked down at him, not bothering to wipe at the tears he was catching with his knuckles, "Don't you remember who trained me?" 

He huffed a laugh at that. Nat had trained you when you first joined SHIELD - before he was even brought out of the ice. And you two were like peas in a pod. But when you started dating Steve, the higher ups moved you to a different department, to avoid internal conflict and possible distraction in the field. 

He had no doubt that you didn't leave a trail here - hell, you could've even faked your death to get out from under their thumb. But as he stared up at you, at those tears still falling and the exhaustion swimming in your eyes, he decided that was a talk for tomorrow. Maybe even the day after. 

You reached up to grip his wrists tight, your smirk falling, "Don't you ever go where I can't follow," your voice cracked as you struggled to keep it even. Immediately he understood you were talking about how they vanished into Wakanda to drop off Bucky. Even if you had been tailing them, which you probably were by then, you wouldn't have gotten in without T'Challa's approval. "I thought I lost you." 

All the breath was forced from his lungs as his chest caved. He pulled your head into the crook of his neck, keeping one hand to the back of your head and the other wrapping around to grip at the back of your kevlar suit. Your arms wound around him, holding him so tight, like you were scared he'd vanish again. 

"I won't," He promised the words into the kevlar covering your neck, "I promise." 

He held you like that until his knees went numb, pins and needles starting in his calves and feet, and he pulled away from you, standing again. He pulled you from your chair, taking you upstairs to one of the bedrooms with an adjoining bathroom. 

He showered with you, your eyes barely able to stay open as he peeled off your kevlar for you and washed the dirt and oils and who knew what else from your hair before soaping up the rest of you. Once he had the both of you clean and dry, he tucked you into the bed, curling around behind you, clinging to you. 

He'd been trying so hard not to think about how much he missed you these past few weeks. Focusing so much on keeping those who ran with him hidden and alive that having you here like this, asleep in his hold again, he realized just how much his heart ached for you. How much his soul itself had been crying out for you. 

And now you were here, in his arms as he finally let the fear of never seeing you again go. The fear that you'd been corrupted by the system. That you'd been compromised, or worse. 

He let it all go, savoring the time he had with you before there was a small knock on the door. The pattern of knocks told him it was Nat. 

Trying not to wake you as he got up was a fruitless effort as you turned to face his retreating form and you sat up. 

"Steve?" He turned back to you, "Where are you going?"

Your voice was so small, so tired but so nervous as you asked, the question hitting him in the chest. He walked back to you, cupping your cheeks and placing a kiss on the top of your head. 

"I'm just going to talk to Nat, I'll be right back," He gave you a small smile, "I promise." 

"I want to see her," You tried to get free of his hold to get out of bed but he stopped you. 

"You're exhausted honey," He said, softly pushing you to lie back down, "Go back to sleep. She'll be here in the morning, I'll make sure of it." 

"Okay," You sighed, submitting to the fatigue in your body as you easily slipped back to sleep. He pulled the blankets over you, tucking you back in before heading for the door again. 

His hand gripped the handle, and he turned back to look at you peacefully sleeping, smiling to himself before preparing to hear what the others had been through on their way here. 

Being on the run was going to be rough, and people would be pushed to their limits, but you were with him. And that's all he cared about now.

 

As always, thank you for reading! Reblogs, comments, and likes are all appreciated!

If you enjoyed the story, please consider supporting me on my Ko-fi

I no longer do taglists, if you would like to be notified when i post, please follow my library blog and turn on notifications @remis-library​ <3

[angel-of-the-moons]

Please, I am begging you, a scrap more of Naga!Leto, a crumb, a TASTE.

(Please know I am just being dramatic, I know your requests are closed, I'm not actually asking or expecting anything, I just wanted to know I have naga!leto brainrot right now and I love you <3)

Hehehehhe I am so glad you liked it! So here's a couple lil headcanons about Naga!Leto!

Headcanons about Naga!Leto.

TW/CW: Fluffy stuff, Smut, NSFW Headcanons, Leto is a tad possessive but most nagas are, egg stuff!

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: Lmao would you believe I am actually writing this shit at a church rn. I am so blasphemous. Forgive me sky daddy, I've been bad uwu

Divider by @/plum98

SFW:

Leto, as a naga, is very very into physical affection. Be it public or private. Your body as a human runs warmer than his does, so you can often find him holding your hand--or, if he catches you lounging in the sun--laying on you, his arms wrapped firmly around your waist as he begins to drift off for a blissful nap.

He will always make sure you're fed. Nagas don't typically eat much. They always will eat large meals once to three times a month. It isn't unheard of for them to skip meals for one or two months. But Leto knows humans aren't like that. So catch him sneaking you snacks, or bringing you dinner to enjoy privately in your bedchambers.

His bed is massive. If he were human, it could fit the two of you plus five other people at least. It has to be large, for him not only to share with you, but to make room for his long serpentine lower half to coil up.

Speaking of coils, Leto will sometimes sleep at the foot of the bed, his upper body straight up with his head tipped back against the soft cushions of his bed, his coils wrapped loosely on the floor. During days that are too hot for you, he will let you sleep in the mass of cool scales, his lower temperature being almost like an ice-pack for you--whilst your body heat is wonderful for him. A win-win.

Swimming. Deep beneath his palace, there is a deep reservoir of water. It is the only way they have survived all these centuries, tapping into the underground rivers and bathing in the mineral-rich water. Leto is an avid swimmer, moving like lightning when he is in the water.

If you are swimming with him, Leto will take the pace slower, letting you drift alongside him or hold on to him to let him pull you along like some sort of gorgeous missile.

Loves your laughter, any joyous sound coming from you is music to his ears.

The only thing that could rival your voice; is the voice of his children. The babies that came from the eggs you so dutifully carried within you.

When you "clutch" the eggs, as the Naga call it, Leto is by your side alone. Laying a clutch is something deeply personal, deeply intimate. Shared typically between mates, or even their older children if they are comfortable with it. He will rub your back, cradle you in his coils and catch every egg that comes from you, placing it carefully within the small creche he himself built for you.

Is insanely territorial around you and the eggs/babies. The moment he was positive the eggs were fertile, Leto hovered around you like flies around fruit. He didn't mean to hover, not at all, but it was simply his instincts telling him to be ready to defend his mate as you carried his future offspring.

When the eggs are snug perfectly in their little creche, kept safe and warm, Leto is constantly on the verge of lunging towards them if he senses anything's amiss.

Oh, Naga eggs squeak, when they're about to hatch by the way. The moment he heard them begin to shake and squeak in the dead of night, he awoke you excitedly and you both shared the quiet, loving moment of your firstborn together poking a tiny chubby hand or tail through the shell of their egg.

When the babies hatch? Oh, the man is over the moon. He adores them, as much as you. Immediately brings his older children to see their new siblings; coo'ing and letting them slither all over them as they investigate these new people and form their familial bonds.

Nagas tend to carry their children around with them in slings; warm and cosy so they can nap during important affairs in the event he believes you need a break.

If you have the babies, however, Leto will gladly come straight to the five of you, scooping all of you up in his arms to deliver kisses.

Loves your body; even in the aftermath of the babies. Will kiss every stretch mark and apply body oil to ease and dryness or cracks in your delicate skin; so much softer and delicate than his own.

(NSFW UNDER THE CUT)

NSFW:

Leto prefers to have sex with you cradled against him, safely propped in his coils for him to move you as he wishes.

Will not object if you wish to be on top, he loves watching you bounce and ride his cock as though it were the only thing keeping you alive.

Adores your breasts. Naga females usually tend not to have them; only those with a little but of human ancestry will have them as a result of a genetic throwback (yes, if a human carries Naga eggs some of their genetic material is absorbed by the soft squishy eggs while they develop and harden!); so he loves to hold them squish them, or just play with them in general.

And when you are carrying his eggs? Ohhh boy. The man is smitten for sure. The way your body changes, swells with new life... It's like a potent drug to him.

While you are carrying Naga eggs, your body produces the same hormones that you would as if it were a normal human pregnancy. Which means you produce milk. Baby nagas are about as developed as maybe a 7-month-old at best, and they have most of their teeth. So they are prepared already fresh out of the egg to eat solid food. But what does that leave you with, when you are producing milk for babies that don't need it?

Well, more for Leto, that's what. He adored your breasts before, but the man enjoys greatly when he can wrap his lips around your nipples, suckling every sweet drop he can, the arousal almost too much for him to bear as you moan and writhe as he relieves the built-up pressure in your breasts.

As a result of that... Well. It takes a while for your milk supply to go away. If at all, because of how often Leto will pin you somewhere private, rip your bodice down and drink his fill.

Sometimes, Leto will take you down to his private pool, and make love to you on the smooth stone shore, washing you off with the life-giving restorative waters afterwards, massaging your sore muscles.

Almost always prefers to finish inside of you. That primal instinct again demanding he fill you up as many times over as he can, whether you are carrying eggs or not.

Oral? He definitely prefers to give rather than receive. Nagas have fangs, female nagas tend to have the larger sets than the males do, so orale for them is almost always restricted to their very long, forked tongues.

The first time you went down on him, he thought he died and went to heaven. He never thought he would enjoy the blunt teeth in your mouth scraping his length as your fingers massaged the silky interior of his sheathe, teasing the tip of his ovipositor as you sucked him off.

After that, Leto will very awkwardly come to you if he has an urge. If you don't have time for a quickie, or if the children are asleep and you are trying to be intimate in a hurry, Leto will cradle you, pull your panties aside and hold you so you both can race to see who makes who cum first.

Loves to mark you. Be it with claws or teeth (dry bites of course), he will do so. Another instinct Naga have to let others know their mate belongs to them and to stay away. As if carrying his children and his family crest was not enough of a deterrent. He has to make sure, you know. Just a precaution...

Loves to feel your nails and blunt teeth dig into his skin as you try to do the same, relishes the bruises you leave on him and wears them proudly like badges, despite your embarrassment when your family comes to visit. Why is your face red? Why are you looking around and not making eye contact? Don't humans mark their mates, too?

[craacked-splatters]

"I know"

"Do u want to see what I added today?"

"Sure buddy"

(insane rambling below!)

Scrapbooks! Scrapbooks! Hell yeah!!

Hello to the 5 ppl seeing this👋 Ima be real Im running on 7 hours of sleep after 5day grind brain mushy rn and I scribbled everything maniacally by memory at 3am after having one of those revelation moments so I have no idea what I'm missing lmao. This is actually the first time drawing them like this 2. Really proud of it

and B4 u ask anything hear me out.

So like tmnt2012 mutant apocalypse am I right?

Yeah it's flawed and pacings off and stuff BUT! The implications it left behind are haunting and it has been stuck in my brain for years. One of the things that stuck with me was the fact that Raph and Don had stuff like April's tessen, Mikey's stuffed bear head, The Creeps containment jar, and Casey's skull(horrifying btw) with them and that it's like :((

I fully believe it was Donnie who collected and carried them everywhere in their car. Not only for Raph(to help with this memory)but also for himself.

Why? Well maybe I'm reading 2 much into it and it's also partly a HC of mine but also bc canonically Donnie has a bit of a hoarding habit collecting trinkets and pictures and stuff. He likes to keep things around that hold a lot of significant value to him.

We see this in The Creeping Doom during the intro

AND I swear he's got a literal wall of family photos in his lab somewhere I can't for the life of me find it but I know he did! He even took some to the farmhouse with him when they escaped during the invasion.

They're memories yk? Reminders..

Ok im having difficulty expressing this shit rn words r failing so like give me ur brain 4 a sec.

Imagine ur donbot.

You're stuck in a cold metal limbo for the rest of ur last remaining family members life. Everything and everyone you knew and cared about is dead and gone. Over thousands of species and ecosystems that made ur world unique wiped out. No more animals no more wild things no more blue clear skys. Death can't come for you. Not in a way that matters anymore.

And no matter where u go you are haunted by shadows of what once was. There are so many echoes and ghosts and cultures and stories and lives that were buried & left to rot by the gaping maws of fear & the desperate need to survive. No one cares for the past and the only other person around you can't remember it. Time will claim its domain again and there will be nothing left except empty metal husks to show sentience even existed in the first place.

Like holy shit he was just a kid bro and he never got the chance to even reach full adulthood!!! I can't possibly imagine the grief and guilt he must've carried with him all those years. He lost EVERYTHING

His family. His home. His world.

Did Donnie even get the chance to mourn??? Do u think his new body allowed it? Do u think he even ALLOWED himself to mourn? He had a hurt amnesiac brother who still needed to eat, who could still starve and bleed and die if they weren't careful enough.

So between his habits and the ✨Angst✨ and human pollution, him hoarding random ass things Wall-E style and making these shitty little scrapbooks or keepsakes didn't seem so far fetched to me. I also highly doubt there was enough time or resources to build shrines or graves in the middle of apocalypse. But yk honoring/preserving the memories of the things and ppl we love is natural for us so like SORRY if its a bit cringe of me wanting him to have SOMETHING to comfort him during the really bad days.

Even if its more bitter than sweet

Bonus doodads cuz I was indecisive:

The 1st was purple tinted cuz of donbot vision get it hehehe

[gorefreaklintjrwi]

INRTO POST!?!???

HELLO CHAT!! i am mouse, or william, or rat, or just like. whatever you know me as, i have so many names!! feel free to stick with one or go all over the place im chill with anything. some. some may even call me ratmouse

i use any pronouns! my preferences change sometimes, but rn it's he/she/any. and i also fw squeak/squeakself and ey/em/eirs Severely at the moment

i am a minor

^ funny little guy by @/okcoolthanks

pronouns/name page

i talk about jrwi among other interests and my ocs/writing

i also run a few roleplay blogs (@number1cloudspirefan lint jrwi) (@linen-bakes-pastries linen jrwi [lint's mom]) (@head-in-the-guitar my dnd character) + a few others i am not tagging as well as the slimecicle quotes blog (@slimecicle-quotes) (I AM SO SORRY FOR NEGLECTING YOU SLIMEQUOTES. I WILL RETURN ONE DAY)

tags + blinkies and stuff under the cut

my tags:

my art will probably be tagged with #ratmouse art

if im just saying stuff (which i love to do) i will tag it with #ratmouse talkshow

#ratmouse mailbox is for answering asks :D

the creatures will be tagged with #ratmouse pets

#ratmouse writing when I write the things it goes here

i save posts in #ratmouse save this

#ratmouse tire when i need to sleep but dont (usually starts at 11pm)

#ratmouse sorrows is my vent tag because i vent on the main a tad too much

I also post a lot of lyrics so if you see the tag #lyricposting im going insane again

-

also we're a system! if you see #lint speaks on a post, he's being let loose. he/they for them

troy also is here sometimes. she/his for that creature. and also the tag #troy talks

music that i like: Will Wood. Naethan Apollo. Modern Baseball. Los Campesinos! The oh hellos. The crane wives. cshr. weezer. AJJ. tally hall. mitski. Bears in trees. Houndmouth. other stuff

stuff that i like: just roll with it the absurdly powerful dnd podcast, qsmp, generation loss, twd telltale games (they are everything to me i love these games i replay them OFTEN), scu kinda, mcyt, chnt, dndads, hilda, school bus graveyard webcomic

i may reblog gravity falls, amphibia, and the owl house related posts too, though i wouldn't really consider myself to be in those fandoms

used to read warrior cats books (might possibly get on that again because of my cousin)

^ image made by @/s0lar-ch3ri

[beelsbignaturals]

🐄 DEMON FORMS: BELPHEGOR 💤

AN: thanks void for helping w the tags ♡♡♡ also jsyk my requests are open and I am gonna be working on them slowly but surely. I have a con in like... a little over a week? So I'm a lil busy rn but thank u for the love on my creepy demon posts. As always you can check the obey me world building tag on my blog to see the other parts of this series :3

inspiration for this part: honestly, nothing specific unless you count like,,, The Hat Man

TWs: body horror, possession, sleep paralysis, mentions of insanity, mentions of psychosis, lesson 16 mention, demons being demons

● Okay, Level 1.5 belphie is more common than a regular human looking belphie because he can't be bothered most of the time. Also, he doesn't like humans that aren't you, so why would he want to be palatable for them? He has permanent eyebags. He goes back and forth between blinking way too fast or not at all. Which …Is unsettling. He can stare for hours and fall asleep like that. He has cow ears, and his tail is out because he plays with the fluffy part as a stress response. It makes him feel safe (probably bc beel will brush his tail for him when it gets all tangled, and he secretly LOVES it. Puts him to sleep in seconds.) Speaking of sleep, if you look directly at Belphie, he is very…. Fuzzy looking. Like you just woke up and everything's blurry, but it's only him that looks like this. 

Today is the day you learn demons can purr. You knock on the door of the twins' room, entering when you hear a quiet "come in." Perhaps you expected to see Belphie napping on Beel's back while the larger twin does push-ups. You certainly didn't think you'd see the pair sitting on the floor, Belphegor's tail being meticulously detangled by his brother. Belphie looks a bit like a house cat, curled up on the floor, eyes closed and purring as his tail occasionally swishes about. You silently take a video and leave before Belphie wakes up and forces you to delete it.

● Level 2. His tail grows large thorns, perfect for thwacking anyone who annoys him. He constantly smells like lavender and something else that no one can for sure define, but if you stand too close, you will get drowsy. Everything about him seems a bit… uncanny valley. He doesn't look terrifying so much as he looks…. Just,,,, Incorrect. His breathing sounds like a white noise machine.  This is the form he takes during lesson 16. He chooses it specifically so he doesn't make you run immediately. 

Despite the trauma that you experienced, you have learned to find comfort in Belphegor's demon form. Sometimes, you doze off to the sound of his breathing while your hands play with the soft fur of his ears. On more than one occasion, you have compared Belphie to one of the children from Polar Express, which got you smacked in the face by his tail. But even when you get on his last nerve, he is careful not to cut you with the sharp barbs on his tail. A silent apology for killing you once upon a time.

● Level 3. Goodbye sleepy, cozy weirdness, and hello sleep paralysis demon. The thorns on his tail get larger and spread to cover his arms. His eyelids just. Fuck off. He doesn't have them anymore. Jeff the Killer looking bitch. The longer you look at him the more…absolutely fucking AWFUL he looks. Five minutes? He has double the normal amount of teeth. Ten? His horns are casting shadows that look like every nightmare you've ever had. Twenty and all of a sudden you are literally frozen in place. If he's feeling kind, he will use magic to knock you unconscious. If not, you are going to be stuck like this until well after he leaves. If he leaves. Also, he eats dreams.

You will occasionally wake up in the dead of night to the sound of raspy breathing. When you look up, you find a pair of eyes staring intently at you. In the first few seconds after waking, your dreams are so incredibly vivid that it shocks you when they dissappear from your memory, as if it never happened. You yawn, throwing a pillow at the demon's face. Which causes Belphie to laugh, not losing balance from his perch at the end of your bed for even a second.

● Level 4. He is more mist than corporeal. He can be more on the solid side. He just prefers not to. If he is in this form, hold your breath and run. Breathing in any of the mist has…. Very bad side effects. You might find yourself unable to sleep ever again, no matter how tired, until eventually you go insane. Or perhaps living your worst nightmares is more your speed? Either way, it's absolutely horrifying, and he doesn't even have to do any work to destroy you. He just makes you do that yourself. If he likes you, he can make the effects a lot less awful. Breathing in the mist is literally breathing Belphegor, so he can also read your mind (all the better to find your deepest fears). You can hear a whispery voice in the back of your head… that's him. He likes to hang out and chat with Beel like this. Or plot anti-Lucifer activities with Satan since only the person he is possessing can hear him. He can suggest you do all sorts of things, and if you aren't paying attention, you might think it's your body working on its own. If he talks normally while just being a cloud of mist, his voice is surprisingly loud, encompassing the whole room.

A tiny voice, one you know all too well, speaks in the back of your mind. The first time this happened, you thought it was your conscious or something. Perhaps a psychotic break. But no, it is just the youngest of the seven demons you live with. Belphie enjoys backseat driving while you go about your day. He laughs when you trip (honestly, it might be him that caused it...), makes jokes at the most inappropriate times, causing you to choke on your own spit, trying to suppress laughter. And when someone is being particularly rude, he gets rather descriptive in his insults. But hey, he means well. You think.

[boydepartment]

TXT as Creepypasta Stories

a/n: okay so i was a little nervous to post this however i am in a spooky mood and i just wanted to put out something a little silly and fun. i grew up on creepypastas so i wanted to put this out :) i really hope none of you find this post weird LMAO warnings- this is HORROR so subjects of death, bullying, etc is present in this post. i tried to censor it as much as i could and i added my little comments in this as best as i could to make them more lighthearted

MASTERLIST wc- probably like 250-300

soobin- lavender town

lavender town syndrome was derived from the first pokémon game. the bgm of the town in the game had frequencies that led to kids yaknow dying. later on nintendo lowered the frequencies so kids stopped dying‼️

this one was a classic and soobin loves pokémon so i really thought it fit him :)

link to creepypasta

yeonjun- ticci toby

ticci toby’s story is about this kid who’s like extremely bullied and it’s kinda fucked up that the creator named him ticci toby because i’m 90% sure he has tourettes in the story. but that’s besides the point. he ends up like getting rid of his dad and runs in the woods, then gets adopted into the slenderman mansion ⁉️ that’s if i’m remembering correctly LMAO im relistening to the story rn, i forgot how well it was written

I HONESTLY JUST GAVE HIM TICCI TOBY BC I USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON TOBY WHEN I WAS LIKE 11 now im older than ticci toby and i feel ancient.

link to creepypasta

taehyun- jeff the killer

okay gonna be fr, the only reason why i remember his story so well is because of laurenzsides sims 4 rendition of the creepypasta. jeff was this kid who had a really hot brother(sorry(I AM LIU’S AGE NOW THIS IS A WIN)) and two parents. from what i remember everything was chill w his parents and brother but he was just bullied. and then at a birthday party he got lit on fire??? and bleached??? then he kills everyone. OH MY GOD THE KIDS LIKE BULLIED HIM⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS AT ALL⁉️⁉️⁉️ oh his parents were nice :( this is so sad

i thought giving taehyun a classic was good for him. jeff the killer is like THE creepypasta just like kang taehyun is THE hot guy 😇

link to the laurenzside sims 4 creepypasta video lol

beomgyu- russian sleep experiment

the russian sleep experiment was, you guessed it, an experiment. from what i remember the experiment was conducted during a war to test endurance. the prisoners from said war were told they would be set free if they followed through with the experiment. the prisoners were locked in a room and the scientists leaked this gas in the room to keep the prisoners from sleeping, without having sleep the prisoners go insane and start to kill eachother

the russian sleep experiment is honestly my favorite creepypasta. i read it a few years ago and then shane and ryan read it on are you scared and i was hooked. i feel like beomgyu would really like it.

link to the watcher video explaining the russian sleep experiment

hueningkai- ben drowned

basically this guy, finds a bootleg majoras mask game and starts getting haunted by this kid named ben who once again you guessed it! drowned! okay apparently there was a cult i don’t remember that at all if i’m being fr.

I LOVE ANYTHING LOZ AND IDK I THINK THAT IT FITS HIM‼️

link to the creepypasta

[amrv-5]

Horrid Horrid Day of the kind so rarely experienced trying to treat it as a dubious comedic blessing and also remember it’s cool to experience stuff even stuff that sucks and makes you (?) feel bad (probably???) freeverse insanity monologue to my own blog so I don’t commit a homicide

most of it death by 1000 papercuts sort of things besides like 3-5 big Actual Genuinely Bad Comically Ridiculous Chaotic Events (middle of the night hotel eviction and subsequent 35 mile relocation to a Diff Hotel for my parents due to the City Of [Redacted] abruptly buying out the rooms (?!) for the one they were in for some sort of emergency housing thing?? (this is real and really happened)) but after 12.5 hrs and then well 999 other things that happened mostly to Me etc.💥💥💥🔨🔨🔨💥💥💥🔨💥🔨😭🔨🔨🔨💥💥💥💥 godddd complicated relationship w parents aside it is so much to be Completely On and doing the Team Emotional Management the whole time whyyy am I the only grownup… can’t be tired or a little annoyed at being subject to last minute undiscussed demands on my time or even Drop The Cheerful Facade Of Bland Enthusiasm For A Second because I’m Ruining Things For Everyone. but also I’ve got 1 week break between semesters formally and I would like to: Sleep In + Get Meaningful Rest. please. Big ideal day plan wld be to sleep for 12-15 hrs read in bed for a few more go for a little run eat some oatmeal lay around watch movie without thinking about annnnyyything important all day. Is That So Much To Ask. Is This An Unreasonable Demand .

Well anyway I’m being soo dramatic and everything’s really pretty much fine. I cn recognize it’s nice that people went out of their way to make a trip here + want to spend a lot of time together it’s just that due to the Aforementioned Complicated Relationship the Spending Time Together is like. Well u know how wild boars when you stab them you have to have a special Boar Spear with a cross-bar because otherwise they will just keep running up your spear while impaled to Get You, The Spearholder? Well that’s what my relationship w my parents is like in this particular year. Getting stabbed and it sucksss but unfortunately there is the sense that if one keeps going thru the Horrid Feelings there may be some degree of satisfaction (easier or realer relationship? emotional connection? satisfaction of knowing I Tried My Best?) at the other end… but it has to be me (wild boar in this metaphor) doing alll of the work and experiencing the majority of the discomfort in pursuit of unclear ends… ahhhhhh sigh. good reminder I guess that I just still react weird and with maybe a greater than warranted degree of emotional sensitivity to extended intentional infringements on my space + autonomy that don’t take into account that I’m a person with opinions and an inner life and also I Slept Bad and several other problems so I’m much less patient than usual today. condensed: I’m At My Freakin Limit Dot JPEG rn. anyway. ouuughhh. home now going to run a bath (insane. who does that) turn off lights and just sit there in hot water for a while stewing (ha) until I feel less tense + tired (Big Win: reasonably tense + tired ≠ depressed…) maybe light a candle also. I wld bring a book into this if I didn’t know for a certainty I’d drop it in the water immmmmediately and the lathe of heaven doesnt deserve that from me. fuuuck. This probably makes me look insaaaane don’t read this. Or do whatever its my blog though sorry if u followed for fic and are just getting extended musings on my inner mental life + to do lists. In My Defense there’s a read more and if u see this You Clicked It And So Gave Ur Viewing Consent. In conclusion 👨‍👩‍👧🚗🏨🌃😭😔😑🤷‍♀️🙂➡️🛁🕯️📖🛌

[ughgoaway]

it really is a mental health dip kind of a month i swear seasonal depression is mf real 😔💔 but while you take a backseat on writing etc (idk how you guys write so often like burn out would hit me after the second sentence 😭💀) here's some insane brainrot and perhaps inspo but mainly just blurb like comfort to think ab bc honestly why lie matthew may be a headache but he really is the best of distractions in such times <3 (here's to hoping some serotonin will roll its way over to both of us)

(dad matty universe ofc bc well-)

- matty singing his songs to baby annie and absolutely dying when she'd giggle to it

- babysitting annie mid studio sessions like can you just imagine the boys producing and recording and annie taking turns sleeping in each of their laps etc 😭😭

- matty calling adam at the randomest times to ask for parenting advice (crying)

- the very idea of matty holding a sleeping annie in his arms as they both doze off will actually kill me i swear

- any thought remotely related to dad matty doing dad things honestly

- like imagine him packing her school lunches etc and including little notes for her kms

- the boys taking annie on trips etc like imagine them all at the zoo gn

(honestly a pre-reader blurb list/prequel may be a need somewhere down the line-)

anyways yes I totally do not.... think about dad matty......like at all......

bff anon is going to run away and disappear now 😍 xx

(late to respond to this bc I am still violently ill lol)

YES BFF HI!!!! seasonal depression is EARLY this year!! honestly, I don't get it either. Some writers literally write every day... if I did that, I'd die. I don't even write that much, and I still burn out so quickly

okay I don't have the mental capacity rn to discuss each idea in depth but let me just say; YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE IT.

(not very) brief comments on each one below the cut;

- matty singing people to baby Annie and she is just laughing like crazy... yes.

- do not even put this into my head. the idea of baby Annie sitting in Ross' lap while he plays bass. Or Adam takes her from matty when he needs to record a little vocal take, and he and Annie wave from the other side. Matty promptly messes up that take because he's busy making heart eyes at his beautiful baby (and after much pressure, he reluctantly says he was making heart eyes at hann too...) Or she's sitting in George as he produces something, she giggles and presses a button. at first George is like, "No!" But then he plays it, and he's like, "...wait that kinda bangs, " and annie gets a producer credit!!!!

(side note imagine them including an accidental take at the end of a song of Annie babbling or laughing... people are like "what is that cute laughter at the end?" and matty is like "💞❤️💖my baby girl💖❤️💞")

- it's like 12am, and Adam is just getting into bed when he gets a facetime from matty who is PANICKING. Adam is immediately like "bro, what's up", all he can hear in the background is SCREAMING bc Annie is clearly unhappy. matty is freaking tf out because "I can't find her stuffed rabbit Adam. it's been 2 hours. she won't stop crying. I don't know what to do and -" and Adam cuts him off like "matty, calm down, it's okay. didn't you put it in that weird pocket of your bag in the studio today?" and matty looks like he could literally cry of joy and just is like "YES I LOVE YOU BRO. BYE. SLEEP WELL." and abruptly hangs up, leaving Adam laughing and carly asking."oh god, what did matty need"

- perhaps a long day in the studio and matty is like "I'll just rock Annie to sleep on the sofa in the other room, be back in 10" and he simply... does not return. George comes in prepared to have a go at matty for being a helicopter dad when he sees them both open mouth snoring on the sofa lol.

- the idea of messy hair 3am matty trying to test the temperature of the milk on his wrist but getting confused at what it's meant to feel like. simultaneously rocking a screaming Annie and just trying not to also scream.

- OHMYGODDDD. like she's a little older, and it starts with a little note explaining something in her lunch, and she comes home SO EXCITED because "it was a note from you, Daddy!!! it's like we're spies sending secret letters!!!" And obviously, matty is now in full spy mode. they create a secret code, and he decorates them to say "top secret" on the outside. the notes are always things like "love you peanut! have a good day!" But we can play pretend okay.

- maybe Annie has become obsessed with penguins recently (Ross is obviously encouraging this and loves her giggles whenever he shows her his tattoo) and matty wants to show her irl penguins. matty offhandedly mentions him and Annie are going to the zoo tomorrow for the first time and the other boys are like "HMM??? WITHOUT US???" especially Ross bc like... hello he got her into penguins... the audacity from matty to be silent??? so they all are like "we're coming." thus a group trip to the zoo happens, and hann brings his little one and its just a family affair. sooo many pictures, especially Annie seeing her very first penguin and a group shot that a very confused old woman took for them (seriously, why are there 4 grown tattooed men with two children crying at penguins???)

these thoughts became much less concise as time went on...

I might have to do some prequel/early dad matty blurbs... if yall are interested???

[feral-teeth]

Hello friend, welcome to the Spencer brain rot club wherein you cannot help but be enamoured by this pretty and overtly silly guy 🫶 your Spencer art is now glued in my brain. It’s so insanely cool the vibe you captured in it! And the style of it, the words around the head, etc all of it so stylistically cool!

This is the art - enjoy looking at it again hehe (it’s also in my arrow valentine art tag and pinned to the top of my feed rn)

The Spencer brain rot club has turned into a full blown out obsession cause this man is in my thoughts and I cant stop writing fics with him involving him with x reader and with other people in smosh ! I also drew him multiple times again,. Let me know if I should post (it’s messy but I love it)

We love this pretty and silly guy, maybe even enough to want to kiss him maybe ? WHO SAID THAT (Can I say that?) but also want to like shake his shoulders and scream. Affectionately.

I’m happy to hear that it is glued to ur brain and that it made that much of an impact on you! I genuinely almost didn’t post it cuz I was embarrassed about how much this lil freak was on my mind and I didn’t want the drawing to prove it you know? But I gave into the temptation of oversharing which is always fun! And that didn’t go as badly as I thought so! He also liked it on twitter like both posts I made on my backup and art account idk,,, idk what to do about it tbh,, I’ve been running on the anxiety and the huge confidence boost that gave me for days now.. I’m serious I haven’t been sleeping cuz I’ve been thinking abt the fact he saw my art and that maybe he saw the rest of my art and my page and…. Wtf

And I love that part the most! I was just thinking about Spencer and what would look cool for him and drew what vibes he gave off to me! I was also just having fun w the drawing l was trying to be looser and less perfectionistic and more expressive in my art so hopefully that shows here. The words are also song lyrics of songs that I was listening to while drawing it!!

This art is my style that I’m both proud of and kind of embarrassed about how messy it is but maybe that’s apart of the charm??? Who knows

(I don’t get notifications at all so I just had to manually find this through making a custom setting of asks, so I hope I’m not too late to reply to u ! I am genuinely so thankful for the love on my art, it feels like it must have been washed away by all of the other content on social media so for it to have made an impact I’m genuinely so happy and overjoyed and overwhelmed )

(also for my anxieties sake I want to mention that I understand Spencer is a real person and I’m not trying to sound parasocial when I write this, I kinda view him as a little guy that I want to put in my pocket but in the way that he was not actually himself, like a different person? Like how people write about real people so they are characters in a fanfiction - like that)

[scoups4lyfe]

Bipolar Essay Extra #4

A solid a$$ explanation of BD from Ian:

So, to add in some of my own experience here, I'll put in some of my journal entries, and then go a little in-depth:

[Friday, June 3rd 2022]

(20:54 — 8:54 PM) 

Oh, great. The insanity is back. 

Now, this type of insanity is hard to describe. Just…wired energy. Like anxious energy spazzing through me like I just took 9 shots of caffeine.” 

(End of entry.)

My thoughts:

Okay--so I still vividly remember the energy. Ian said there's so much energy, so much ideas, and that it gets to a point where you start losing sanity, and that's the point I was at. I just had all this energy inside of me, my mind was going 200 miles a minute but with 3 different voices, my hands were trembling, and I couldn't do anything because the energy was too my mortal coil to handle 🤪.

...

[September 15th 2022 — Thursday, 2:24 AM. ]

Currently fvcking tripping right now. I don’t think my mood stabilizers are doing the thing that they should be doing. Like I am out of my mind right now. I feel inSANE. Not bad-insane yet, but I know I’m going to have trouble sleeping. I….want to write and draw and watch Donbrothers but all this energy doesn’t want to do any of this. Like for some reason I want to go out running and screaming maybe, like I could jog five miles— but? This energy does not want to write or draw or watch sh*t or liveblog. It’s frustrating, but I can’t even be frustrated? Because my mood is just elevated lol. I feel fvcking crazy right now. 

The Moodswings movie (part 1) for this album [DPR Ian’s] is…something I greatly relate to. I see myself in that video. That’s me. Dude, it’s like looking through a mirror. Damn, it just reminded me of how shaky I was like a month ago when my thoughts wouldn’t stop racing and I felt like I was spiraling out of control at work. Dude that sh*t was hard. Right now I feel good, but I know this high isn’t….normal lol. These last few days have been somewhat like this, but this is the most energized and elated  I feel. To the point that I can’t even get upset. Like, yoINks. 

[End of entry]

Bro I hit that euphoric mania and got lost in the sauce And --warning ahead, the next entry I'm putting under this one was when I was deep into that euphoric mania. You can tell too cause my thoughts are all over the place.

[October 3rd, 2022]

Monday, 5:35 PM 

Too Much, Too Much, All at Once, ah FvCK

Everything is glowing. Like all the light sources are especially bright and so it’s hard to focus on any one thing because all this light is shining at me and my eyes are going in and out of focus. Right now I can’t stare at the computer screen. I can’t focus on it, it’s like my eyes start seeing everything in this room at once, and it’s all so bright, and I can’t think when it’s like this. Tomorrow is trash pick up day, so I finally got the garbage out of my room and …now there is a lot more space— fvck. I feel like I’m trembling but it’s not my body—maybe just my eyes. 

Man trying to gesture draw like this is going to be real sh*tty I can already tell. 

Uh, I hope this entry is coherent, I don’t feel very coherent right now. Just zazzed.  

I got a tab up, “Guide to Mental Health Acronyms,” because I want to finally know and remember what the fvckin acronym for “bipolar disorder” is. BitJazz borderline personality making everything all complicated. (Damn, mfer I am TRIPPING.) 

[6:12 PM]  WhOOPS—sorry, y’all. Got distracted texting J (and then this other acquaintance). Though all I’m inclined to text rn is just nonsense gibberish, occasionally in a nonsense rhyme scheme, and featuring a few thrown in completely-made-up words that just feel right. Man, on tumblr today — I was on the manic depression tag — I saw a post talking about grandeur delusions, but their delusions were “the belief that I could finally change for the better, start eating healthy everyday, working out everyday, cooking and cleaning everyday” and I was like—

Damn, holmes! I guess I was more fvcked outta my mind then I thought. (I remember, idk how many weekends ago, having that same exact thought process and feeling because DAMN was I capable in that moment—ah. )

[6:28 PM] 

Sorry—was texting an acquaintance again. Wanted to share the above meme, and so I sent it once, and then a few texts later I sent it again. (Because it makes me laugh, LOL!!!!) Anyways, when I read tha— I need to get myself some more multivitamins lest I evaporate and die. 

FVCK

[6:40 PM] 

Damn I wish I could read. Right, right—that tab with the Mental Health Acronyms thing. Riiiiight. The Mental Health Acronyms tab ,,, the tab involving mental Health Acro— 

(lol) 

[8:28 PM] 

I’ve done some gesture drawing. Decided to move the 30 second timer (since I’ve done 70 drawings with it) to 2 minutes. My mind is fireworks. AAhhHHHHLHH;hhHH. Just read a tumblr post that said, “Being manic is feeling stuck in a perpetual loop of vertigo” and yah. I’ll drink to that bro. (LOL). 

I just found the perfect description. (Found, in my own thoughts, that is.) Right now, what I’m experiencing is like if I put on those red+blue 3-D glasses at the movie theater, except it's not red or blue, just light and so now I’m tripping tf outta my mind. 

(Unrelated) But a solid description of how I’ve been with my money these last like 5 months, literally the equivalent of: “Wow! I spent $50 on buttons in a variety of colors because I saw them and thought, ‘aw those are such cute little fkin buttons! I can place them all over my house and every time I see one I’ll be filled with immense joy because they’re just so fkin cuteeeeeeeeeee.’ And then when the buttons arrive being like, “What the fvck???/ What tHE FVCK?????” But then buying $50 more like 2 weeks later. 

Absolutely, 3 billion percent embarrassing behavior.

[End of entry excerpt ....it goes on for much longer LOL]

Anyways, I think these do a good job of showing what the mind of someone going through a manic episode is like--constantly switching thoughts, getting distracted, not all coherent, yada yada yada.

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6]

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4)

Visuals of a Depressive Episode: (1), (2)

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

[Prev]. [Next]

[vsnotresponding]

wip playlist tag

Rules: list at least 4 songs from your current WIP playlist or a writing playlist you’ve been using lately, and the lyrics that speak to you the most! Then tag 4 people (or as many songs as you listed).

i already thanked you, but i'm thanking you again because i love this type of writblr tag game @my-cursed-prince. i'll also leave this as an open tag, but i'd like to hear about @mjjune and @e-klair

i said i'd use the option that won this poll and that i'd shuffle the playlist to do this tag, and so i will deliver

the winner of the poll was the púlsar playlist, but with a twist! i'll use the one that has songs i associate with post canon stuff. there's no guarantee they'll get picked but there is a chance. i'll do 10 i think

(hi this is v after shuffling the songs i swear there are more artists besides Sleeping at Last in the playlist)

also, uh, spoilers for what happens after púlsar. not anything super big, but i'll talk a little about bean <3

also also here you can find the canon playlist for púlsar

Rush - The Score

this is one of the first songs i associated with púlsar because, well, it's all about how the púlsar feels. pretty self explanatory

insane 'cause i love the way when my pulse races double time / fast lane, never could contain got my heart beating overdrive / today, yeah, the shackle breaks it's time to change the rules now

Neptune - Sleeping at Last

a sher song <3 (THE sher song) and so close to chapter 17 going up omg. honestly the whole song it's just,,, him

you let me set sail with cheap wood / so i patched up every leak that i could stitch by stitch, i tear apart / if brokenness is a form of art / i must be a poster child prodigy i'm only honest when it rains / if i time it right, the thunder breaks / when i open my mouth / i wanna tell you, but i don't know how / i'm only honest when it rains /an open book, with a torn out page / and my inks run out / i wanna love you, but i don't know how

Mercury - Sleeping at Last

another Sher song, what are the chances. while neptune is mainly about sher, karma and their mom, this one i also think about when writing about his relationship with sahare

I talk in circles / i watch for signals / for a clue / how to feel different / how to feel new / like science fiction / bending truth no one can unring this bell / unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new / god knows, i am dissonance

Daughter - Sleeping at Last

look at it, a song from after canon and i'm already tearing up because,,,, my kids. a parent's song to their daughter, sher with sadaf and ira with bean

this is your kingdom / this is your crown / this is your story

about ira telling bean of her story… i am unwell

Anger - Sleeping at Last

karma assertive arc song ??? more likely than you think (and also ira towards the ending of part 2)

reckless but honest words leave out my mouth

Sight - Sleeping at Last

Áine song Áine song Áine song. super in time for what's going on in canon rn too. Áine's main conflict is all about faith and how she can't feel connected to her heritage, and how, despite everything, ira can

i see god in irony / in fragile herilooms within children's reach you see god in ways i wish i could / without assurance, without insurance you believe / without condition or the promise of heaven / you see the holy ghost in broad daylight / and i see the reflection in your eyes

Son - Sleeping at Last

more songs for after canon <3 sher and his son ádil and how he's so alike him but also karma

i'll run the risk of being intimate with brokenness

Born For This - The Score

Zero - Imagine Dragons

in the spirit of transparency these songs did come up but i'll skip them here in favor of more after canon songs <3

Earth - Sleeping at Last

it's the book's main song your honor

fault lines tremble underneath my glass house / but i put it out of my mind / long enough to call it courage

Touch - Sleeping at Last

post púlsar karma song and i'm tearing up, because he gets very very unwell before he gets better

all i want is to flip a switch / before something breaks that cannot be fixed invisible machinery / these moving parts inside of me / well, they've been shutting down for quite some time / leaving only rust behind but god, i wanna feel again

Heart - Sleeping at Last

>:) the furthest song away from canon in the future in here, and again, im very emotional about it. im so proud of karma, guys

go ahead and laugh / even if it hurts / go ahead and pull pin

[moomoocowman]

If reading this, read at your own risk.

I cant sleep and decided to dump to hopefully

Let me sleep. We can have a conversation soon

If like but this is cathartic to me for me. To let out.

Sleep on the floor music video fucked me up good. Not to mention the time of when i watched it how much of a shitty weekend i had and now it feels like again we are doing the step back and i dont like it so

If you want me show it. If not tell me. Figuring it out without doing anything isnt working. It never has. This cycle used to be months to month to months to now week to week. Waiting and waiting hoping that we can talk can get somewhere but never the case. Youre losing me. And i dont want that to happen but at the same time what am i to do. What else could i possibly be and strive for. Youre right i have done everything i needed. I say its both of us but im at this finish line trying to cheer you on to help but i feel ignored.

I get like this because my patience is all but gone and i dont know what i want. Kinda like how you said by you know who you want. I get things have to be hard but it shouldnt be this hard at this point yet it is. I get insanely jealous because someone else has/is living in the shoes that i want to be in. I get insanely moody because as much as i think i overreact which i know i do still, everything that has happened to me before has happened in this at one point but ive learned to handle it. Not that i say its whatever but its why i get upset because i dont want that. This strived off being different and wholesome and unconditional.

My trust is thinning because everything after everything repeats and nothing changes. Im told the same things and feel like half. I guess thats another reason for my silence sometimes because i dont expect to be lovey dovey all the time but last week saying youd want to be alone with me rather than be alone… then proceed to want to be alone monday night which respect to your wishes but ive hardly talked to you and hear your voice let alone see you these past 2 months and that kinda really hurt.

You dont owe me anything just as i dont owe you. You are your own person i have always told you this and ive been respectful of you but again i dont think ive been respectful to me and my wishes and what i want what i need. Your own life just as i have my own life. Choose whatever you want to do but talk to me. Busy let me know. Need a break i get it but let me know.

Time is always and is not of the essensce. Time may be moving at a faster than ever especially right now but dictating where that time goes managing what where who for you. This is why i ask is this what you want because time goes everywhere but here or what we want and if it does its very little and we are stumped.

Idk man. Im in love and this is why its scary because i love hard but risking it is almost worth and thats why i worry about certainty. Would running away be the most ideal thing to just leave everything everyone start anew yes. How fucking glorious that sounds rn. But what does running do when everything catches back up. Instead of facing the hardship and impact head on how is anything expected to grow.

Living this cycle this feeling having to meet every dead line or to please everyone (ironic and hypocritcal of me). You say you have so much confidence when i speak but the things i say and do is to help you feel for your own. To help propel what it is or isnt that you want.

Selfishly in every way possible do not let this fade away. Do not become a past. Work with me on a plan and ill show you what it is this can be what we can have how we can either look back at this together and smile or we can look back at this as individuals and wonder. I have my boundaries you have yours lets compromise. Stay true to ourselves as much as possible. Just tell me something. Dont lie to me or leave me to linger.

[thecatspasta]

Oh god lets go

Questioning my music tastes has historically been a bad idea

The Sticks - Mother Mother: GOD I WOULD DIE FOR THIS ALBUM. Mother Mother has fantastic music but the sticks is where I think they shine the most. The Cry Forum and To The Wild are such fantastic songs you have no idea. I rly like cesspool of love, little pistol, lets fall in love and business man as well. GOD ITS SO FANTASTIC GO LISTEN RN URGH

Jackrabbit - San Fermin: Ok I dont listen to this much BUT jackrabbit, parasite, the woods and two scenes changed my brain chemistry you have no idea. URGH god ok its so good go listen to the woods esp

Sleep in Color - Jack Conte: Anyones whos got me talking abt music has probably heard me go off abt Like a Match but omg this entire album is so good, like a match obvi my fav I would throw up. Its sort of dissociation core?? Idk its rly good I like like a match and hollywood endings. Its a sort of short album (i think its an ep actually but idc) BUT ITS SO WORTH IT GO LISTEN NOW

Eureka - Mother Mother: Mother Mother again BUT I love Eureka I think the songs here are all bangers, but I rly like calm me down, aspiring fires and simply simple. ESP aspiring fires that songs abt mental health stereotypes (god the line 'ill show you what thats like and wave goodbye as you run for your life' lives rentfree in my head) ITS SO GOOD HOLY CRAP pls when you have the time go listen

VideoSongs Vol 1 - Jack Conte: So there are 4 vs albums and theyre all fantastic but I like 1 a lot. Favs from it are Eat, Passenger Seat, Lonely Ghost and Yeah Yeah Yeah V2. Throws up actually, I love yeah yeah yeah both versions, but v2 i once listened to on loop for 72hrs straight HELP. Passenger Seat is sooooooo npdcoded its insane. Ppl who dont have npd stop making songs that are just a step by step on what the disorders like LMAOO. LONELY GHOST HAS SUCH A GOOD SOUND YOU NEED TO EXPERIENCE FOR YOURSELF jack conte is so good at sounds and noises urgh

Sckrpnch - waveform*/melaina kol: OK SO THIS HAS A RLY CHILL VIBE TO IT but still has dark undertones (looking at you tell me) and its rly good. This albums rly niche from what i can tell and Id be shocked if you recognized it BUT URGH its rly good omg. I was rly obsessed with it last year but it sort of fizzled out before slamming back with the force of a truck. Favs are wrm, sckrpnch (you spell that by going suckerpunch and then removing the vowels) and tell me

Spirit Phone - Lemon Demon: Ok so gravitron is so good bc I just like noise I like sounds and it does that. When he died, redesign your logo and crisis actors are constantly in my head Im obsessed on a level you truly cannot comprehend. All the music on here is rly catchy and I LOVE IT TO DEATH URGH OMG. Spiral of Ants my love as well

Race - Alex G: I LOVE RACE its been getting popular on tiktok recently and that fact hurts my soul but urgh Ill tough it out. Anyways Gnaw hits so so hard esp the outro. Let it go and crab are SO GOOD the sounds are fantastic I will die. Also omg the lyrics. Ive called Alex Gs music 'Songs for traumatized kids' and this album is a prime example of it LMAO. Things to do also urgh omg omg throws up ok im good

Very Good Bad Thing - Mother Mother: OK SO I LOVE THIS ALBUM SO SO MUCH OK. HAVE IT OUT CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE ISTG ITS SO GOOD HOLY CRAP. Also Very Good Bad Thing is so amazing THROWS UP. My friend made an animation with the song kept down but ALSO THE SONG IS AMAZING IN ITS SELF GO LISTEN NOW URGH THROWS UP SCREAMS AND DIES i like mother mother someone ask me for my song recs. I also like I Go Hungry (jon sims core song) and Jump the Fence

I did not mean to ramble this much abt music I am so sry hope you enjoyed tho

Tagging @iamfabiloz, @cassiecryptic, @lysia-doodlez, @valsperfume, @changella404, @river-not-a-stream, @starry-voidss, @narcvampp, @checkadii

Favorite Albums: choose 9 and then tag 9 people!

For my own sanity, I didn't include musicals because I could fill up a whole other 3x3 grid with them, and comparing musicals to non-musical theater albums is weird.

Those last 4 that you definitely don't recognize are by Old Earth who you should definitely listen to if you want artsy ambient indie folk with really intricate guitar. My absolute favorite artist by far, and also the most obscure artist I listen to by far.

Electric by The Pet Shop Boys — I think this is my favorite album period. I am still pissed off that Tom Scott called it "not that great" in the old Technical Difficulties podcast. Maybe I'm biased because it was my favorite album when I was 14 and because it's where I really fell in love with the Pet Shop Boys. God I love them. So much. I'm way too excited for the new album and I worship geowayne's website where he analyzes all their songs. I probably should have put another PSB album on here, but there isn't another where I'm in love with every track. Plus honestly so many of my favorite tracks of theirs are B sides. They still release B sides with their singles, and this album cycle, the B sides are honestly better than the actual singles. Anyway electric is pure synthy electropop and I adore it in that way you can only love something you first heard at 14.

Pure Heroine by Lorde — I read a quote somewhere where Lorde said she tried to really put all of being a teenager into the album, so much so that once she became an adult, she probably wouldn't understand or like it anymore. I can definitely say that I'm not nearly as attached to it anymore now that I'm an adult, but God, it was my life when I was 13. She really did capture the unique ennui of being a teenager. I wrote a novel in eighth grade, and I wrote at least half of it to tracks from this album. Also, hot take: Royals is my least favorite track by a lot. Buzzcut Season is my favorite.

My Head is an Animal by Of Monsters and Men — God, this one was my life when I was like, 12. I fell in love with folk there, and I'm still in love nearly a decade later. Another album where I still love every track.

Strange Trails by Lord Huron — hey look, an album I actually discovered and came to love as an adult! The fact that I love Lord Huron's brand of folky horror/fantasy/western music that tell stories with characters should not surprise anyone. Also, if I had to describe my experience with schizophrenia in one song, I'd choose Meet Me in the Woods.

The Tragic Treasury by The Gothic Archies — Look. Hear me out. Is it a album based purely on A Series of Unfortunate Events? Yes. But. Is it also an album where I genuinely love every track and have genuinely been known to just throw it on shuffle? Yes. I mean I think of one lyric from this album, like, weekly. I swear it's not just ASOUE brainrot that makes me like it so much. If it'd ever gotten a vinyl release, I'd absolutely own it. I wish it had gotten one.

a low place at The Old Place by Old Earth — honestly this is probably only my favorite Old Earth album because it's the one that I was able to actually get on vinyl and being able to play that vinyl is so lovely. I mean, it's good, but so is everything by Old Earth. Then again, Less Words is my favorite single track by them and it is on this album. Look. All the Old Earth albums I've listed here are, at most, 20 minutes long. If you like ambient artsy indie folk with lyrics that are there more for the way they sound than their meaning, try one.

light shaped by Old Earth — god the lyrics to this one. Normally I don't like Old Earth for the lyrics but. "It gets old/then it's done" and "what if it's just some song that gets you home" and especially "I'm holding your arms/and you're holding my eyes/and I lie like the right thing to do" are all just so great. And so is the middle track with no lyrics.

... until they're called by Old Earth — have you ever heard an album so good that you a) just played the whole thing and danced to it in your basement nonstop for the full 12 minutes, and then b) wrote a poem about the experience? People talk about finding God, but dancing to that album was the moment I found athiesm. The beauty of us all being here for no reason, just feeling things and living and doing our best to make something beautiful out of it.

Two Torches, at a Place Where Three Roads Meet by Old Earth — I'll be honest, I don't have much to say about this one. They're just a really solid three tracks.

... Yeah okay I really like Old Earth. Don't judge me.

Thank you @cygninae and @thehistoryone for tagging me! I'll tag @ven10 (I'm surprised neither of the people who tagged me tagged you), @weirdthoughtsandideas (ditto), @70snasagay (hmmmm i wonder what you'll put), @cat-boy-tom, @thetreetzar, @buncoreclown, @notthatalex, @unfortunate-sapphic-disaster, and @roach-in-the-kitchen. No pressure, obviously!