#i am quite literally the biggest fan of this song it’s like mind control

[papirouge]

What j-idol do you think has the best fashion sense? (or whatever their agency makes them wear)

Although she's not an idol anymore, hands down, Ayumi Hamasaki

Many people forget that when started off, she was marketed off as an idol (very clean & cute image) but her commitment to write her own lyrics and have more control to her image and image made her ditch her "idol" image pretty quickly

If you're not familiar with Ayu, you have to understand that she debuted in the late 90s which was peak y2k aesthetic. It's sad that today people think of y2k as solely "sporty" but you have to bear in mind that y2k was also very minimalism, neat and edgy (not in an ironic way) and that I am still obsessed by Ayu aesthetic of that era

Her MVs aesthetic were pristine and her minimalistic (with a sprinkle of surrealism/trippy) fashion sense was great

Running through the early 2000s she became much more fashion oriented, but still in a very COOL and light spirit. Her fashion choices became even more audacious (and it was sometimes a hit or miss lol) but she made some very iconic styles.

(Her "Ayumi Hamasaki Republic" photobook lives rent free in my head. Absolutely iconic)

Along the times, it felt like she was more and more inspired by Western fashion and celebrities. You can feel Paris Hilton and Britney were on her moodboard and she had entire websites dedicated to clocking her obvious rip off of Western celebrities looks (Madonna, Britney, etc) LOL

Moving further with times, she learned to embrace stardom and diva behavior. I localize this switch at the "I Am..." album era with the "Evolution" (lead) single. It was a very interesting evolution to witness (this single name and use as the lead one was a choice). A Song for XX was her "debut" album where she was that clean & cute idol, LOVEppears (my favorite album her hers) has this kinda rebellious and techno emo vibe. Back then she beefed against her management deliberately milking her (forcing her to release that 'A BEST' album after 2(??!) album was indeed CRAZY). Duty has this sad and almost resignated energy (with titles like "SCAR" "Far away" "End of the world" "Teddy Bear" -dedicated to her dad that abandoned her when she was her child and she being on the verge of tears at the end of the song- , or even "SURREAL" which is a whole subliminal song about her hidden relationship with Tomoya Nagase they had to keep hidden because thy were both superstars...)

"I am..." is eventually about she embracing that ["She IS"] Ayumi Hamasaki, Japan's biggest popstar in its whole history, and it shows...

From that era her style becomes more diva like, and out in our face.... less fun and more (too much?) fashionable... not my cup of tea.

Her Leslie Kee collab era (around 2009) that stayed for a handful of years was an eyesore and it's almost a consensus among the fans that it was the lowest in her career (as much musically, in her private life or in terms of visuals/image...)

This website chronologically archives all of Ayu old MVs through screenshots and you can literally see the difference of energy/shit from "evolution". Her first MV were so ace and neat ("Depend on You"!!!!!) but they became overproduced with time and almost creepy (eg her "(miss) understood)" era)

There's quite a parallel between "Fly High" (one of my favorite MV of Ayu along with "SURREAL" and "Appears") and "evolution" because they have kinda similar set (on both she's on a scene, breaking the 4th wall of us watching her being filmed), but like I said, in "Evolution" Ayu comes off/plays as a diva embracing her pop star status, while in "Fly High" Ayu was still that ingénue young pop star goofying around and being so friendly and cute. Totally different energy.

The next 2 post-"Evolution" MV "NEVER EVER" and "Endless Sorrow" are quite an odd parenthesis because they have the same "demure" pre "Evolution" energy, but beside them, everything after "Evolution" is the growing rise in celebrity/power in stardom and diva-ness of Ayu.

BTW NEVER EVER will remain my favorite Ayu aesthetc, she was absolutely flawless in this. SHE ATE.

TL;DR : my favorite idol look is Ayu y2k AND pre Evolution era (but including "NEVER EVER" (released after "Evolution" because that aesthetic was too perfect)

[xaharadesert]

Bard MC - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: Okie dokie, this one is for a very lovely and very patient anon! Their request for an MC who can control magic through music is super cool! Honestly, I didn’t know exactly what a bard was when I first received this request, so I’ll be adding in a couple references about that as a joke :) I also tried to leave it ambiguous between whether the MC sings or plays an instrument, but I may have failed. My apologies, these may be a bit shorter than what you’re all used too, but I was struggling with this a little bit (also I am half asleep as I am finishing this, so I’m sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense). Also, I’m very sorry about using an outdated meme, but the oppurtunity was right there and I had to use it. As always, I recognize Asra’s non-binary gender orientation but will be using he/him pronouns! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes :) Requests are open!

❤️Julian❤️

Oh, yeah, he knows what a bard is

Like a singer... right?

Nope

When you tell him that you control magic through music, he has a small crisis and reevaluates every bard he’s ever met

He suddenly has quite a few questions about the inherent magic of music

Curious as always, he wants to learn more about how music acts as a medium for magic, which means a lot of questions

Most of his questions are based in psychology, because a small part of him that constantly doubts magic believes that you’re just a scientific genius

Overall, he supports you, of course

He loves music and the fact that you can cast spells using it is just an added bonus

Julian is already thinking about all the musical adventures you’ll have together

If you offer to teach him, he’ll respectfully decline

He’ll stick to the ordinary kind of music, thank you

On that note, unless it messes with your magic he will absolutely sing along whenever you’re preparing a spell

If this is a problem he’ll sing quietly to himself to avoid being a distraction

He’s sorry if it’s annoying to you, but he really loves singing

When he’s constantly surrounded by music he finds it hard to keep quiet

But if you’re okay with him joining in? He’ll belt some made-up lyrics at the top of his lungs

He may accidentally sing over you and your music, so even if it was originally fine, it will unintentionally cause problems

🧡Portia🧡

Oh, a bard!

That’s uh... a music thing, right?

I mean, she was mostly right

When you tell her that you can control magic through music she’s ecstatic

Magic in and of itself is super cool, but music too?! That’s amazing!

Portia wasn’t the biggest fan of music before, but you can bet your butt she is now!

She loves listening to you preform magic, and even if your not doing a spell, she loves listening to you

She wants to know what kind of songs control what kind of spells

In fact, she wants to know everything about your magic

You might as well be her official teacher because she never stops asking questions

In fact, asking if you can teach her eventually does come up

She’s a very eager student, although she often goes off track and starts inventing her own music

It’s not as effective, but she’s definitely having fun

Even if she never actually learns the magic part, she learned a cool new musical skill

She’ll create silly little songs to make you laugh

Sometimes when you use a particularly sad song for a spell, she’ll start to tear up

This can be a bit of a distraction, but she swears she’s not actually upset

You’re just amazing at what you do

Once Julian needed your help and her response was “this is so sad, MC play Despacito”

💛Lucio💛

Of course he knows what a bard is!

At least that’s what he claims

In reality he has no idea, he always referred to them as “music people”

So when you tell him about controlling magic through music he’s suddenly feeling a little afraid of every musician he made fun of in the past

He’ll never admit that out loud, though

Lucio thinks what you do is amazing

You can do magic AND you’re musically talented! That’s double the talent!

For a moment he considered mocking Asra for being less talented than you before remembering that you and Asra are friends

That doesn’t stop him from showing off your talents to everyone else, though!

Whether you really want to or not, you’ll probably have to show literally every Vesuvian your abilities at least once

Lucio himself isn’t particularly interested in learning your form of magic

He’d rather watch and listen as you preform spells

He doesn’t really want you to teach anyone else though, but he can’t really stop you if you choose to anyway

Sometimes he’ll ask you to preform a spell just so he can listen to you

He especially loves to hear slower songs for spells that ward off nightmares

When he listens to you, he genuinely feels calm and peaceful

He just exists in a perfect moment, with nobody but you and him

On a side note, though, sometimes when you’re showing off for other people he’ll try to sing along and it’ll always end up sounding horrible

💚Muriel💚

Doesn’t even pretend to know what a bard is

He never really had a reason to know, so he doesn’t

When you first tell him, he feels a bit awkward because he feels as if you expected him to know

But of course, your brand of magic was pretty unique so explaining your abilities was old hat by now

He’s not exactly sure how he feels about your methods

Of course he loves and supports you, but your magic... it’s just... a lot

It seems to require a lot of noise, and it draws way too much attention in his opinion

He would never try to change you, but he shrinks into himself whenever you gain a crowd from performing a spell in public

He starts to feel differently about it the first time he hears a slower song

When your music is soft and soothing he inadvertently feels himself relax

Knowing that you’re beside him, doing what you love, brings him a lot of inexplicable joy

Muriel doesn’t really have any interest in learning your kind of magic for himself, if he’s being honest

Although, he never minds when you want to talk about the complexities

He doesn’t mind very much if you need to practice late at night at home, because he doesn’t need to worry about other people intruding

Personally, he has no real uses for your magic so he never asks for your help

That isn’t to say he won’t accept it; if you want to use a song to help with menial tasks once in a while he won’t complain

The one exception is if you start using it for some creepy spell in the middle of the night

Then he may have a few complaints

💙Asra💙

The only one who actually knows what a bard is without your explanation

He was there throughout most of your magical growth, so he already knows a lot about it

In all honesty, if it weren’t for you, he probably would have been just as oblivious as everyone else

He loves how unique your method of performing magic is

Asra has never met anyone quite like you, and he doubts he ever will

Watching you perform your magic is one of his favourite hobbies (if you can really count that as a hobby)

Observing how your magic interacts with your music is incredible to him

He’s a little jealous, but he’d never say that out loud

You offered to teach him years ago and he eagerly accepted, but he never quite got the hang of it

In the end, he learned most of the theory behind it, but he mostly stuck to his own brand of magic

Even if he does admire your magic more than he admires his own, he does love the contrast between the two of you

(Spoilers) when he brought you back and was re-teaching you most things, your magic was one of the hardest

He felt horrible that he couldn’t properly demonstrate for you, but after teaching you the theories again, you seemed to pick it up on your own

On a side note though, helping you relearn your magic did allow him to grasp a couple of basic spells with your method, which makes him super excited

All in all he’s just thrilled that you have such a strong and unique brand of magic

He’s proud of how much you’ve grown into it, despite not having a proper mentor

Asra is a fan of quite a few unique types of music, but listening to whatever kind of music your using has definitely helped him settle on a few favourite songs

He doesn’t have a favourite kind of musical spell, so he’s excited no matter what kind of magic your performing

One time he even convinced you to cast a spell to heat up some tea faster just because he wanted to hear your music

💜Nadia💜

A bard?

As in, one who recites poetry, correct?

She uses the definition of a bard when describing what she thinks you do

Nadia is pleasantly surprised to find that your definition of bard is much more powerful, although she now has a few questions about how you go about defining words

She doesn’t have very much magical experience, so she was unaware of how unique your brand of magic was

But when she finds out exactly what it is you do?

She’s so excited

Nadia definitely loves music, although she leans toward slightly more refined tastes

She starts to question her favourite songs when she first hears you perform a spell

You manage to convey so much emotion, regardless of how long a spell or song is

She feels her heart pound in her chest whenever you use a lot of emotion in a spell

If you offer to teach her, she’ll have to politely decline

She knows how to play piano, sure, and her singing voice isn’t the worst, but she isn’t particularly interested in studying magic

She’ll just leave that part up to you

Of course, she’s always content to watch you perform, although sometimes it is a bit disruptive

If she needs a quick spell while in a meeting, a whole song can be a bit of a problem

She learns to work around this though, because she would never want you to ever change who you are

Although, she will admit she found it humorous when you chose a particularly aggressive song for a spell when trying to prove a point to Valerius

[zigtheeortega]

ride or die playlist

by @pixeljazzy and @zigtheeortega

so after pj made this post, and was encouraged by @choicesarehard to make a playlist for rodaw, i reached out to her and we decided to collab! this is a comprehensive playlist, with explanations for each song. some being the lyrics fit really well, but others are because the vibe fits the characters (in our opinion), not necessarily the song meaning.

putting the song explanations under the cut, since it’ll be long! songs picked by pj have [p] next to it and mine have [j] next to it! hope you enjoy it!

Logan

What You Know Bout Love, Pop Smoke [p]

I had to apply the pressure, ‘cause you my hidden treasure / I think I’m falling in love 

Are we surprised this song is first? C’mon now. Anyway, literally when I heard it for the first time, I was like this is the love song that I could see someone just vibing to in a car with their partner, at a house party in the corner serenading their boo, etc. and then BOOM a vision of Hieron and Logan in a car appeared because I could totally see this as their vibe. Just the thought of Logan rapping this line to Hieron clears my skin.

[p.s. pj wrote a fic based on this song and it’s perfect you should read it]

The Way, Trippie Redd ft. Russ [p]

We’re lost but, babe, we found the way

Because Logan and MC are two teens are a mess lowkey and don’t know what they want from life quite yet but they know they got it together.

Think About Me, dvsn [p]

This song is just radiating Logan and MC parting ways vibes

FIND MY WAY, DaBaby [p]

I feel like as Logan is driving away from MC to god knows where, this is something he’d definitely drive to

Seasons, 6lack ft. Khalid [p]

You’re lucky the greatest thing I can do is marry you / ‘cause if I could, I’d spill my blood

I absolutely adore this slow, chill song, and feel like this is something MC and Logan would be listening to as they unwind in their loft, and with the favorite line, I think it encapsulates how much Logan truly loves and would do anything for MC

Idfc, blackbear [p]

This is giving me Logan vibes after the reveal where MC leaves the shop and he’s just reeling in his emotions and feelings and is just purely in his bag thinking about everything

Hide, Juice WRLD ft. Seezyn [p]

Really think I found my home, shorty made me feel at home

Think I met my soulmate, yeah, I know it

Dusk Till Dawn, ZAYN ft. Sia [p]

But you’ll never be alone / I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn / I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn / Baby, I’m right here

This song hurts me so so much but it’s giving me MC sleeping on Logan’s chest type of vibes while he’s up because he can’t sleep and he’ . Also reminds me of Logan because we all know that infamous line “I was just a rock in space lucky enough to burn up in your atmosphere for a moment,” and I feel like this was an unspoken if you look to the stars you’ll know I’m always with you type beat.

Fool In Love, Rihanna [p]

Mama, I found a man / who loves me and understands / papa, he’s quite a man / he adores me, he’s my biggest fan

Okay so y’all remember how MC was having a mini identity crisis and didn’t know which version of herself she was? And Logan was listening and understanding and processing everything she was ranting about but in the end was just like no matter which one you decide, I like all of you? Yeah, that. Along with him just supporting her whenever he can, even though sometimes it can be overbearing, and him just loving watching her change and grow before his eyes (even though we not gonna mention the part of him that doesn’t love that change, feeling guilty for the person she’s becoming and how it could change her life, and the initial intentions he had although how he feels now is genuine) is literally what I think about with these lines

And don’t get me wrong, I know he’s not perfect in your eyes / but somehow he’s flawless in mine

Papa, did I let you down? / Are you ashamed of how your little girl turned out?

This is the lyric that really gets me because one of the things I loved about Ride or Die was the complicated relationship MC had with her father as it was something that resonated so strongly with me. So this one right here really just encapsulates an aspect of that because when MC’s on her this is who I am now and I know you resent that because he genuinely is so hurt and in shock of how his girl changed before his eyes, beyond the reigns of control that he once had, and he can’t do anything else but process and accept that his little girl isn’t so little anymore, rolling around with the people he tried so hard to keep her away from.

Roll Dice, Roddy Rich [j]

I seen the Reap’ come / Live my life I had to roll dice / Been through strife, my heart is cold as ice

I’m a star, I’m just hidden in the low light

Pretty explanatory, considering Logan’s been through a considerable amount of situations that put him in harm’s way and he’s come out stronger (and considerably more detached) each time.

Story Of Us, Tinashe [j]

Yeah, you’re the prince of my heart / And now there ain’t no way they can keep us apart, keep us apart

This song reminds me of Logan and MC a lot because it’s an optimistic take on their relationship as a whole and the sad ending.

You Know That I Love You, Donnell Jones [j]

You know that I love you / And that ain’t gon’ change / And though you’re not here with me now / My love for you stays the same

I think Logan would listen to R&B, specifically sappy 90’s R&B, and this line reminds me of them perfectly. I mean just listen to it, it’s perfect.

My Favorite Part, Mac Miller & Ariana Grande [j]

Said, you just don’t know how beautiful you are / And baby that’s my favorite part / You walk around so clueless to it all / Like nobody gonna break your heart

Said, the universe couldn’t keep us apart / Why would it even try?

Before things come together, they have to fall apart

Logan says from the get go that he thinks it’s wild that MC is modest and that he’s surprised she hadn’t gotten a lot of attention from guys. The other song lyrics I mentioned remind me a lot of their separation.

Colt

Me And My Girlfriend, Tupac Shakur [j]

Lost in the whirlwind, ninety-six, Bonnie and Clyde / Me and my girlfriend, do one-eighty-five when we ride

All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend / Down to ride to the bloody end, just me and my girlfriend

So it’s canon that Colt likes West Coast rap – and this song absolutely embodies Colt’s musical interests and his relationship with MC. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he definitely heard this song and thought of MC.

Something Special, Pop Smoke [p]

I think you’re something special / I’ll take you on a shopping spree

We all know Colt is the king of LA and can definitely buy him and MC anything they want, also the “her father the police” verse quite literally hit the nail on the head

Martin & Gina, Polo G [p]

He was playing games / Got you dancing in the middle of the club

At first, saw this as a Logan and MC song to listen to in the car, but if you’re like me and was romancing Logan but danced in the club with Colt because Logan was being distant, the lyrics just do it for me

Hit ‘Em Up, Tupac Shakur [p]

You couldn’t tell us Colt wouldn’t love this song, we’re not accepting criticism at this time

Pulling Me Back, Chingy ft. Tyrese [j]

Every time I try to leave / Something keeps pulling me back, me back / Telling me I need you in my life / It was meant to be / You were meant for me / So that means we gotta make it work

This song reminds me a lot of Colt’s feelings towards MC, because in the lyrics they’re not mentioning they necessarily love her, they’re just gravitating towards her, realizing they need her. And that’s exactly how Colt works through his feelings.

Loveeeeeee Song, Rihanna ft. Future [j]

Boy lately, you been stingy with your time / Got me wondering, I’m wondering if I’m on your mind / Boy I just wanna be in your possession / You say I’m the one you want so come express it

Yeah, we all know Colt wasn’t straightforward with his feelings but is more prone to expressing himself physically, and I think this song feels like a confession of her own qualms with him but recognizing that she’s alright with him being physical over verbal. Honestly it’s probably not that deep but this song reminds me of Colt x MC so much.

Complicated, Rihanna [j]

Why is everything with you so complicated / Why do you make it hard to love you / Oh I hate it / ‘Cause if you really wanna be alone / I, will throw my hands up ‘Cause baby I tried

God this whole song is Colt and MC all over because he’s so wishy washy and doesn’t express himself properly.

90210, Travis Scott [j]

I think Colt and Logan would bump this and that’s my only reasoning.

Changed Up, Rae Sremmurd [j]

I think Logan and Colt both alike would bump this in their car and maybe relate to the lyrics and the general vibe of it.

Demons and Angels, A Boogie With a Hoodie ft. Juice WRLD [p]

I’m from the West Side, know not to play with us, yeah

I think I’m addicted to this lifestyle, I swear

Colt is quite literally from the West Side, and the ‘I think I’m addicted to this lifestyle’ line is what really stood out to me because Colt wanted nothing than to be a part of his father’s life and legacy, and Kaneko wanted to keep that separate from him because he knew Colt would be all in.

Run This Town, Jay-Z ft. Rihanna [p]

Does this need an explanation because you already know Colt is running the fuck outta LA thank you for tuning in

Mona

Ungodly Hour, Chloe x Halle [j]

You know that I’ve, I heard it all before / You’re hesitant, wish you could give me more

I don’t have the time / To teach you how to love all over again / Now let me ask you this / Are you giving all that you could give?

This is Mona and MC all over. She was clear about being hurt by an ex, and that it was hard for her to open up to MC in the first place, let alone fall for her. So this is like a confessional from MC to Mona.

Te Amo, Rihanna [j]

Then she said Te amo, then she put her hand around my waist / I told her no, she cried Te amo / I told her I’m not gonna run away, but let me go / My soul is awry and without asking why / I said Te amo

The lyrics are sad but this reminds me of Mona and MC, too. There’s a lot of push and pull with Mona, so I think this describes their back and forth so well.

Scared of Love, Juice WRLD [p]

Not scared to love, just scared of love

I initially put this in the Logan section, but I think it’s more fitting for Mona because she put up these walls to avoid putting herself at risk in the process of giving someone her all after the last girl played her, but underneath it all, she’s still capable to love even though she may think she’s undeserving of it from MC or that love in itself is a scam.

ball w/o you, 21 Savage [p] [and j bc our minds are linked]

I’d rather have loyalty than love / ‘Cause love don’t really mean jack / See love is just a feeling / You can love somebody and still stab them in they back

This is giving me Mona and her ex vibes, and just how Mona is a very everyone for themselves type of person so she has no problem balling by herself because that’s what she expects in the end.

Escape, Akon and Wizkid [p]

We can run away / so far away, escape

Oh, my baby, oh, baby / I would never let you go

Okay I know our songs for Mona have been sad lately, but this reminds me of them because Mona said MC would be hard asf to forget and I already know MC is scrambling to find a solution, a possibility, where Mona didn’t have to go to jail and they’d be able to be together, hence ‘escape’.

Escape, Kehlani [p]

Strange for me to wanna love someone / Who’s better by themselves

‘Cause I can’t let you lose yourself, looking for me / And I can’t let you make me your, your everything

I know you see this escape theme I’m on here LMFAOO but I think this is in Mona’s perspective about MC because she’s like MC is a goody two shoes, new to this life, etc. just overall someone with a better future than me and I don’t wanna mess that up for them (hence the I’m dangerous and pushing her away in the beginning and all the warnings).

Acquainted, The Weeknd [p]

Baby, you’re no good / Cause they warned me ‘bout your type girl, I’ve been ducking left and right

To say that we’re in love is dangerous / But girl I’m so glad we’re acquainted

Can’t Remember to Forget You, Shakira ft. Rihanna [p and j]

I can’t remember to forget you / I keep forgetting I should let you go

“You’re gonna be damn hard to forget.”

This is so Mona because it’s both flexible in meaning with her ex and MC. 

MC

Don’t Make It Harder On Me, Chloe x Halle [j]

If you keep acting so sweet / I might just wake up and leave / This boy that I pinky swore / We’d be together for sure / I can’t be thinking of you / When I’m alone with my boo / If you smile at me again / I may do something stupid

Gives me Logan/Colt/Mona love triangle type vibes!

Who Can I Run To, Xscape [j]

Who can I run to, to share this empty space? / Who can I run to, When I need love? / Who can I run to, to fill this empty space with laughter?

After her li’s leave this def gives me those bittersweet vibes like when they all leave L.A., including MC for college.

Aston Martin Music, Rick Ross [j]

Bobbin’ to the music / This is how we do it, all night / Breezin’ down the freeway / Just me and my baby

Would’ve came back for you / I just needed time to do what I had to do / Caught in the life / I can’t let it go / Whether that’s right I won’t ever know

This reminds me of another bittersweet moment like MC is reflecting on her favorite times with her LI, but also acknowledging that her LI can’t be 100% loyal to her because of her lifestyle

Love Without Tragedy / Mother Mary, Rihanna [j]

Brown eyes, tuxedo, fast cars / A James Dean on the low, Dean on the low

Who knew the course of this one drive / Injured us fatally

Let’s live in the moment / As long as we got each other / Die in the moment / I’m prepared to die in the moment / ‘Cause even forever ain’t forever

This entire song fits for all the LI’s (despite the lyrics saying “boy” it works for all of them perfectly. I just picked a couple lyrics to prove it!

Question Existing, Rihanna [j]

Who am I living for?/ Is this my limit?/ Can I endure some more?/ Chances I’m given, question existing

Reminds me of when MC was torn between loyalty to her father and Jason Shaw and MPC at the same time.

Bed of Lies, Nicki Minaj ft. Skylar Grey [p]

This is 100% MC after the reveal.

Change Your Life, Kehlani ft. Jhene Aiko [p and j]

I heard that you a gangsta / Not one to try to save her / Always focus on your paper / Don't got time to wager with your heart

You deserve someone that'll take you to another level

The lyrics to this song fit so well with all of the LI’s. Definitely addresses all of the LI’s reluctance to be with MC and MC’s pursuit of them.

Serial Lover, Kehlani [p and j]

Lord knows / My intentions are pure and my heart full of gold, oh

This song fits MC’s relationship with all of the LI’s, especially when there’s conflict between them. MC is miles more transparent with her feelings than Logan, Colt, and Mona.

She’s So Gone, Naomi Scott [p]

So it looks like the joke’s on you / ‘cause the girl that you thought you knew / She’s so gone

You can look but you won’t see the girl I used to be, ‘cause she / she’s so gone, away / like history

Yes this is from Lemonade Mouth and yes I feel like this embodies MC perfectly!

Misc.

(this includes Ximena, Toby, side characters, the overall vibe of ROD, etc.)

Tints, Anderson .Paak ft. Kendrick Lamar [j]

Ridin’, ridin’, round that open street / I need tints / I need my windows tinted / I can’t be flying down that 110 with a bad bitch in my whip / I need tints

This reminds me a lot of Ximena and Toby because they’re so chill and carefree compared to the rest of the crew, and this song embodies that.

Nascar, Roddy Ricch [p]

Honestly, heard this song and thought I’d be perfect for another side show, or a racing song

We Don’t Luv Em, HoodRich Pablo Juan [p]

Another side show/racing song

DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love, Usher [p]

I feel like this could’ve played at the club depending on the vibe they were going for, and even if they weren’t, I feel like the club was a very romantically charged event so the DJ had errbody falling in love (MC and whoever, Toby and the guy he went off to dance with, etc.)

break da law, 21 Savage [p]

Me and my dawgs break laws

This is Kaneko and the crew, even though Kaneko would never call them his dawgs, but you get the gist.

Trust Nobody, Lil Wayne ft. Adam Levine [p]

I don’t trust nobody, not my lovers, not my friends / I don’t make no promises ‘cause I know just how they’ll end / I don’t trust nobody, I don’t need nobody else / And as messed up as it sounds, I don’t even trust myself, yeah

This hurts me because the song talks about not being able to trust people in general so I feel like this has been Logan all his life, Mona after she was betrayed, and Colt after the death of his father (minus the don’t trust my lover part because obviously they are whipped for MC and you can’t change my mind).

Undercover, Kehlani [p]

You know they don’t wanna see us together / But it don’t matter, no, ‘cause I got you

Baby, they don’t wanna see me be happy / ‘Cause they ain’t happy, no -- they don’t got you

So this is MC with all the LI’s because everybody (Riya, Darius, her dad, etc.) thinks everyone in the crew is bad news but no matter who MC is with, they’re happy with them regardless of what everyone thinks.

Party Monster, The Weeknd [p]

Okay, this might seem really weird, but I feel like this is a song that would play in the background as the crew would plan or orchestrate a heist you know like the camera panning to different people just really focused on that they’re doing like there’s some camera work going on in my head that I wish I could properly articulate but I hope you guys see the vision.

Shut Up and Drive, Rihanna [p and j]

This is self explanatory.

[silenceofthecookies]

One piece matchup - lirulee

Giveaway prize for @lirulee​

I’m a 30 y/o woman and I'm interested in men, I'm an ENFJ and a Taurus. I’m short and curvy, with long dark blond hair and green/blue eyes, and lots of freckles. I have a cute/sweet appearance, so i always try to dress more in an elegant/formal way, with darker colors to appear more mature. I’m also a bit insecure about my weight and my smile. I’m honest, stubborn, determined and I always find humor and funny sides to everything. I’m an optimist, everything works out eventually, and I always try to find the good sides of every outcome. I’m very passionate about the things I like, and I’m usually cheerful. I love dad jokes, puns and absurd humor, but I also love cynical and sarcasm. I’m a bit shy at first, but i’m very talkative and i love to get to know more of the people around me. I always try to help those around me (I have to set boundaries for myself here). I’m kind and I care a lot, but I'm also a bit snobbish and very rational. I’m constantly working on improving myself.  I’m a control freak and a worrier tho, so even if I’m cool and I know that everything will work out in the end, I stress a lot about it. (Yeah, idk, I’m like this 🤣). I can be a bit moody and also get melancholic easily. I know myself enough to know how to get out of these states or just get through them, but sometimes I can be a bit difficult. I also have quite a temper, but I’ve learned how to chillax enough to not cut someone’s throat. I love videogames and boardgames/dnd, and ¿do I use my cuteness to win if someone is foolish enough to fall for it? Yes. I don’t usually do it tho, cos i like winning honorably, but if someone is falling for it, it’s their own fault, i haven’t tricked anyone 😈 (that’s what i tell myself... am i more competitive than honorable? Probably). I’m also very into witchy stuff, like tarot, candles, etc. I’m not super methodical tho. I also love fashion and I'm learning to sew. I’m a bit of a scaredy cat, I have some fears, like spiders and heights, and then random things that suddenly scare me, mostly cos I don’t have a sense of control with them or stuff like that. I can’t watch horror movies at all, I have a very strong and vivid imagination and that’d mean I wouldn’t be able to sleep, even if I’m very invested in the psychological side of horror and that tempts me a lot. I like to study people’s motives and personalities. I studied psychology not only to help people, but to understand how they work too. I find it easy to read people and their motives, and know how they’ll probably act. But I can also be very literal and naïve sometimes, it depends a lot on the context. I love reading noir and fantasy novels, I’m a huge nerd of Harry Potter and LOTR, and watching true crimes. I also love romantic novels, and I’m a huge fan of Jane Austen’s. I love doing anything that’s artsy/crafty, I love painting and feeling that I’m creating something (the “I did this” feeling 🙃). My biggest passion and love is music, tho. I’m learning to play the guitar, the piano and to sing, and my goal is to be a music-therapist. I could talk about it for hours, honestly. I’m always singing songs, sometimes very random and funny songs, or even xmas songs in august. My whole life is surrounded by music

I match you with...

Benn and you are like a balance. Wherever one of the two is weaker, the other is stronger. In the beginning Benn will initiate contact and lead the conversation but once you are at ease around him, he will gladly sit back and let you lead the conversation, if not just let you talk about whatever and listen to you. He also loves the elegance and maturity of your style.

Once Benn knows you, he’ll be able to deal with whatever mood you’re in. You’re moody? He won’t take it personally. You’re feeling insecure? He’ll know just what to say or do to make you feel better, or at least to get you to focus on something else. He also greatly respects that you’re aware of your own weaknesses or bad points, and that you’re trying to improve on them. If there’s any way he can help, you need only say the word and he’ll do whatever he can.

Benn is also not afraid to let you have control over things. This can go from little things, like holding on to certain things, to big things, like the relationship. He knows it’ll make you worry just that little less. Just like you, Benn is also optimistic and will always look for the good in every situation.

Despite his laid-back attitude, you and Benn can definitely have some fun! Benn is a master of dad jokes, as well as sarcasm, so there’s no problem in the laughing department. When it comes to music, Benn enjoys most genres. He loves listening to you play or sing. It doesn’t matter if you’re still learning, Benn will gladly listen in and comment on how much you’ve improved every now and again. He doesn’t mind the weird or funny songs either, he’s used to worse antics than a Christmas song in August. If he’s in the mood, Benn will gladly sing along with you while you’re playing the piano.

When it comes to boardgames, Benn is down to play with you as well. Traditional boardgames are totally fine with him and if you let him know you’d like him to join you, you could even convince him to join you on a D&D adventure. He’ll just play whatever is needed for the party, though he’ll create a character pretty close to his own character so he doesn’t have to roleplay too much, since that’s not really his thing.

Now. True crime. Benn loves the stuff just as much as you do. He thinks it’s fascinating to see what people can do, though it’s also a bit sad. He’ll gladly join in on your psychoanalyses. He’s no expert on it, but he enjoys giving his two cents and listening to you build on that.

To top is all off, Benn has a very calming quality. Whenever you’re scared, no matter what it’s from, he’ll talk you through it and he’ll never make fun of you for it, even if he isn’t afraid of much himself.

[therealtsk]

okay so i think before I really start delving into this fandom I wanna give my thoughts on the game itself.  so MUCHO SPOILERS FOR CONTROL. IF YOU WANNA EXPERIENCE THIS AMAZING GAME YOURSELF DO NOT READ THIS POST.  You good? Alright, let’s go. 

So. First, I wanna talk about the game-play of CONTROL.  It’s fucking amazing. In a year where I played five incredibly strong games (Bloodborne, Uncharted 4, Red Dead Redemption 2, God of War and of course, CONTROL), it was my favorite game. In fact, I think it might be my favorite game of 2019.  It has something that all of the other games lacked, with the possible exception of U4...the core gameplay was inherently fun. The word “Next-gen” gets tossed around a lot in the gaming world, but this was the first thing I played that truly felt like it. The gameplay of CONTROL is at once simple and wildly different: I think I speak for most people when I say that the Launch ability is my favorite gameplay aspect: it just feels amazing to use, even after a year of playing it. It’s the closest I think a game has ever come to truly come (for me) to making me understand the sort of power the character wields in a way that isn’t superficial. From the sound design to the rumbles of the controller, to the superb animation, all of it comes together to make you feel powerful.  It’s amazing.  Okay so now that’s over, let’s talk about the world, characters, and story, the biggest reasons I love this game. As a long time fan of the more surreal and ethereal types of the supernatural, CONTROL immediately stood out to me with it’s central location: The Oldest House. What an incredible setting for a game, but also just what an incredible setting in general? When I walk through the hallowed halls of the House, I never feel at ease. I think it’s a fantastic combination of visual and audio design, but the House has a way of making you feel both unwanted and watched: even with all of the human touches the Bureau has scattered throughout the map, The House feels starkly inhuman- the ceiling too high,the doorways slightly too broad. Even after centuries of co-existing with humanity, the House has not quite adapted to humans. And yet there’s something also irresistibly compelling about wandering a place you know, logically, you probably shouldn’t be. It’s a fantastic way of putting you inside Jesse’s shoes: you feel both her fear and the powerful call of the unknown that beckons her to the darkest corners of the House.  The Altered Items themselves are also just...fascinating. The twisting of the mundane into the paranormal- there’s a word I’m looking for, but I can’t find at the moment. I know some people got annoyed with all of the reading in the game, but personally, I loved scanning through every document, case file, and correspondence. Dead Letters in particular caught my imagination: I’ve never stopped thinking about the woman trapped in the phone since I read about it, I even turned it into an original short story. CONTROL’s world feels very much lived-in, like it has history and activity outside of the game’s story, which is crucial to the livelihood of any setting.  Now, for the characters: Jesse Faden is perhaps my favorite video game character to date. I love her so much, words can’t describe, but I’m gonna try anyway. I love her sass, her jump-down-and-figure-out-a-plan-on-the-way-there attitude, her frustration and quiet sadness, her anxieties and ultimately- her love. Jesse Faden loves her brother so much that she literally threw away any chance she could have had at a normal, peaceful life and risked everything for him, not even knowing if he was still alive. As a proud brother of two siblings, It’s nice to see familial ties being just as strong in games as romantic ones.  Speaking of romantic ones, Emily freaking Pope am I right??? The minute Jesse and her sat down at the table I was like :eyes: “these vibes...the chemistry...the delivery...” I don’t care what anyone says Jesse and Emily are gay for each other and you cannot tell me otherwise, just look at all of their interactions. Remedy thank you for giving me another ship to stan until i die  The other characters are also amazing! I love my bois Simon Arish and Fredrick Langston, adorable dorks that they are. RIP Marshall but damn you were badass- also your long coat. Remedy make merch so I can buy it pls.  As for the more supernatural characters: Polaris.  Oh my god I love Polaris. My first assumption was that Jesse was speaking to us, the player, but learning the truth about what Polaris was and her own character was so fantastic- I would literally watch so much of just Jesse and Polaris communicating, the idea of humans and these...ethereal life-forms co-existing is just fascinating.  And then there’s the Hiss. I have been obsessed with the Hiss since I first heard those words. You are a worm through time. Like...the idea of a malignant radio wave, burring into your mind and planting itself within you, overriding your thoughts with song...just fucking chills. I can’t wait to write about this audible horror. 

Also just something I wanna note before I wrap this rambling thing up: CONTROL was not a game I expected this from, but I love how they handled representation in it: they never call attention to it or try to get clout for it, but they have a wide scattering of nationalities and a very even split of women and men: it was just so nice to have a game that didn’t feel dominated by dudes, you know?  Anyway: the story. I think this is where the game lost a lot of people, but I thought the way that it unfolded was fantastic, and every ending (Base game, Foundation, AWE) has left me excited to see more. I think my favorite plotlines thus far comes from the DLC’s: The Astral Politics and, of course-  Alan.  Fucking. Wake. 

But more on that in a bit. I think The Board and the presentation of them was fantastic: It’s so hard to for humans to write utterly in-human mindsets and persons, but I think Remedy’s team did a truly amazing job with The Board. Down to the method of communication alone, blasting divided concepts into Jesse’s thoughts that are literally shattering into synonyms because they don’t quite understand human language is just...aaaaaaahhhh, so good. And then The Foundation, my favorite DLC out of the two: So much expansion on the lore of both The Board and The House itself. The implication that The Board may, in fact, be just as much of an intruder as the Hiss are is chilling, and of course, The Foundation gave us even more Emily/Jesse ship fuel and development so like come on. As for the AWE DLC: I know a lot of people were disappointing with it, and I get that! Don’t get me wrong, when it ended, I literally went: “Wait, that’s it? That can’t be it.” I was expecting something roughly around the same length as the Foundation, and I think other people were too. Once I got over the initial surge, though, I sat down and really thought about it.  Story and content wise, Foundation is 100% the better DLC. But gameplay-wise? Oh man, AWE was so much more thrilling. I think this lends to Remedy’s incredibly atmosphere building, but after spending hours of Control feeling like an unstoppable badass, for them to completely turn it on it’s head and make me feel like a rat trapped in a maze, desperately lunging for any light and being utterly terrified of the dark: god, what an amazing fight the entire Third Thing was. The Service Tunnel in particular had me shook, man.  Was AWE short and felt more like a teaser trailer for Alan Wake 2? Yeah. Was it still really fun? Yes. And also, I think people missed out on how much lore we got for CONTROL, as well! Two words: Chester Bless.  So, to sum this completely chaotic post up: I adore CONTROL, every bit of it, and I can’t wait to talk to you y’all about theories, fics, and the like. 

[hachichimitsu2]

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

A Comprehensive List of Stan and Kyle Moments (I UPD8 AS I GO)

Hello. Yes, you heard me. Here are all the scenes that legit scream out “STYLE” in South Park, whether these scenes are too far of a reach or not. I mostly compiled this out of my very own convenience, and hopefully this’ll help you a whole lot too. This is extremely text heavy, so I’ll put this under “Read More”. I haven’t played any of the games, so I won’t be including it here at this time, so if you guys know any good moments from the games, please let me know and I’ll add it to the list.

Cherokee Hair Tampons:

- The entire goshdarn episode.

- Stan being concerned and distraught over a dying Kyle breaks my heart. He was even bawling next to Kenny.

- Stan willing to donate his kidney to Kyle, even if it’d hurt a lot.

- Stan knowing that Kyle ate a bean and bacon soup half an hour ago shows that he’s been by Kyle’s side for quite some time now.

- Stan holding onto Kyle while they were at Cartman’s house.

- “Dude, you’re my best friend. I don’t want you to die before I do...”

Super Best Friends:

- Yeah, um, this episode...is gay.

- Stan and Kyle entering the episode with ice cream cones while Butters and Cartman wondering where they got them from. It’s assumed Stan and Kyle were hanging out with each other off-screen.

- I think Kyle being convinced that he’s not “really happy” through brainwashing is parallel to Stan being convinced that he’s “depressed” by the Church of Scientology.

- Stan trying to help Kyle escape with him, not even mentioning this plan to Kenny, Cartman or even Butters.

- Stan and Kyle looking at each other with longing looks while dramatic music plays in the background. Ah yes. I am...not even joking...this legit happened.

- How to Find Your Boyfriend 101: “OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!!” “Y-you bastards...”

- Stan pleading Kyle not to kill himself and to hold his breath while being there for him.

- The ending where they call each other Super Best Friends and both proceed to beat up Cartman when he teased that they should make out.

Cartmanland:

- Stan comforting a distraught Kyle.

- @belovedhomosexuals mentioned that canonically, Stan helps Kyle with his hemorrhoid cream, and IM-

- Stan doing everything he can to get back at Cartman for Kyle’s sake.

- Stan demanding the doctor to wheel Kyle out to see Cartman in misery.

Asspen:

- “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HEATHER!!” >:(

- Kyle not wanting Stan to do the K-13. He doesn’t want him to die.

- Kyle holds a polaroid photo of the both of them. How cute. Does he bring it with him wherever he goes?

The Biggest Douche In The Universe:

- Stan not wanting to go back to Colorado without Kyle and does all he can to convince him that John Edward is a fraud.

Follow That Egg:

- They are dads.

- They take care of their egg really well.

- “As a matter of fact, it is the nicest hat I’ve ever known”

- They’re the reasons gays could get married.

- Stan getting jealous of Kyle being paired up with Wendy. It does seem like a reach I have to admit, but if you’re a Stylendy fan, then this one’s for you.

Return of Chef

- The iconic beginning “flashback” where they both look at the sunset together.

Smug Alert:

- Stan and Kyle meeting in the parking lot in the beginning when Kyle was helping his dad give fake tickets.

- Kyle being moved away from South Park has Stan write a song to get Kyle and his family to come back.

- The cute hug in the end.

Fantastic Easter Special

- Stan, out of breath, asks Kyle for help in protecting Snowball

- Kyle helping him out anyways even though he was busy with fingerprinting.

- Cinematic parallels of Kyle killing Jesus and Stan killing that alien in Pinewood Derby.

Imaginationland Trilogy

- Kyle calling Stan in the morning regarding the “dream.”

- Stan and Kyle, unsure of the notes, both trying to recall the Imagination song. It was cute.

- Stan being distraught when ManBearPig got a hold on Kyle. (I swear, I’ve used the word “distraught” for over 1948388 times now)

- Kyle communicating through Stan telepathically with his Imagination.

Guiltar Queer O

- The whole episode.

- “I know...I need you.”

- The whole episode was literally as if they went through a break up.

- They’re both in sync when playing, right up to their tongues up.

- “Oh, so the gallant knight now comes to rescue me from the bowels of mediocrity! Oh, thank you, your royal lordship!” (Foreshadowing for SOT?)

- Stan thinking of Kyle as he’s “driving”.

The List:

- Stan doing all he can to prove that Kyle is a handsome mf. Another episode that screams Stylendy rights.

You Got F’d in the A:

- Kyle being so happy to see Stan dancing back to the Orange County kids.

- It’s canon that Stan can dance well while Kyle doesn’t have rhythm whatsoever. Wouldn’t it be a cute idea for Stan to teach Kyle how to dance?

You Have 0 Friends

- Kyle pleading Stan to water his crops.

- A short detail but if you noticed when Kyle announced that they made an FB account for Stan, he only added himself as Stan’s friend. This means that Kyle legit “friended” himself in Stan’s profile and didn’t bother to add Kenny or Cartman to Stan’s friend list.

- “Yes. WE’RE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS STAN!!” :D

You’re Getting Old:

- Oof. Yeah....

- Stan obviously loves Kyle a whole lot, but him seeing Kyle slowly turn into a turd probably did break his heart little by little. And when I mean by probably, I mean massively.

- Kyle shouldn’t exactly be demonized for not being able to handle Stan’s cynicism. Because I think it’s ok to admit you can’t handle such emotional drainage even if coming from your SBF, but do mind that him leaving Stan was most likely NOT easy for him. It’s kinda sad that they’ve slowly drifted away since then. BUT NO I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN ;-;

Assburgers:

- “Fuck you Kyle! You’re a piece of shit...Kyle, I love you. You’re a piece if shit though, fuck you...! I love you...”

- Stan immediately going back to Kyle when he’s feeling “better”

- That McDonalds Exec. literally narrating Stan and Kyle’s current rocky relationship and not believing every second of if.

A Nightmare on Facetime:

- “WILL SOMEONE GET ME A CHARGER OVER HERE!!’

- Kyle bringing and guiding Stan through the iPad.

Ginger Cow:

- Jokes aside, when Stan was asking Kyle about Cartman’s farts, he was really sweet and understanding to him. He genuinely wants to understand why Kyle likes Cartman’s farts so much and knew something was up by the way Kyle was hiding things.

- I also like how he was not afraid to call Kyle a dick. I think a good level of transparency is needed in a healthy relationship. That’s just how they roll.

- Stan helping Kyle cover up in the end....though it did backfire.

Black Friday Trilogy:

- “DID KYLE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!” “Kyle thought of it.” ;-;

- Stan being grounded and Kyle apologizing at the other side of the door was peak gay angst level.

- “That’s just how Xbox people are...” D:

- Ok now for something sweet. In the deleted scene, Stan was showing Kyle how the playstation controller works and...wow.......what cute babies.

Prehistoric Ice Man:

- “Oh my god! They killed Kenny!!” *looks at Kyle* “What? I’m not talking to you anymore.”

- Them fighting and arguing was so adorable. Their voices were so squeaky and cute in this episode.

- “First one to die loses.” SOGKEKGKRI WHAT MORONS

- Stan and Kyle kind of awkwardly trying to start the fight reminds me of Tweek vs Craig.

Mexican Joker:

- Stan angrily sending Cartman to the detention center after hearing about him sending Kyle there.

Band in China:

- “kyyyyyyYYYYYLEEEE :D DUDE YOU’RE BACK!!”

- Stan making a death metal band because a.) He hates living in the farm and b.) He misses Kyle so hard.

Britney’s New Look:

- Another Stan and Kyle episode where they both realized how so far in the wrong they’re in, and they desperately want to fix it.

- Stan and Kyle giving up in the end and joining in the chant.

The Death of Eric Cartman:

- Stan offering Kyle money so he could buy milk for lunch.

Two Guys Naked In A Hot Tub:

- “You can't just hang out with your buddy Kyle all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny.”

- When Kyle walks over in the end, Stan proceeds to complain to him how he had the worst night and they both go to Kyle’s house to hang.

The China Probrem

- In the beginning, Stan telling Kyle to refute Cartman’s racist sayings and got overly concerned when Kyle said he couldn’t do this anymore.

- Stan going in Kyle’s room to talk about moving on from what they’ve witnessed.

- Stan holding Kyle’s hand to run away in Kyle’s dream. Kyle waking up and crying when Stan wasn’t around to comfort him.

- Stan and Kyle crying in each other’s arms and telling each other “I love you”.

- Small detail but when they were leaving the attorney’s office and the attorney and the kids were crying altogether, Stan put a hand on Kyle to comfort him as they were crying.

The Mystery of the Urinal Deuce:

- Stan appearing in Kyle’s living room suddenly.

- “Well dude, maybe we're just super badass. Have you thought of that?” Yeah I know Stan was trying to cover up what he just did by saying that but still.

Cartman Gets An Anal Probe:

- Stan helping Kyle save Ike.

- “Hahaha you farted.” WHAT GROSS DORKS

- Kyle telling a speech to the aliens and Stan remarking how beautiful it was.

A Very Crappy Christmas:

- Kyle calling Stan in the middle of the night to get the guys, and Stan answering all sleepily is so adorable.

- Stan and Kyle voice acting together.

- Stan and Kyle doing the stopmotion animation together.

- Stan and Kyle laughing when they had Stan voice act Cartman to say the “ham” line.

Fun With Veal:

- Kyle taking care of a sickly Stan despite being a bit of a germaphobe.

The Snuke:

- Stan coming over to a sick Kyle’s house immediately after school has been suspended.

Crack Baby Athletic Association:

- Stan not being afraid to call out on Kyle.

- Kyle snuck into Stan’s room and Stan was listening to him unfazed.

Quintuplets 2000:

- Them trying to do gymnastics.

Pee:

- Kyle getting disgusted after hearing Stan talk about how it’s normal for people to pee in pools and in the shower.

Butterballs:

- Kyle calling Stan out in the bathroom, and they have this long ass stare. Kyle knowing that Stan will be jackin it in San Diego.

Bike Parade:

- Stan making Kyle laugh.

Proper Condom Use

- Stan and Kyle playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll and roleplaying.

- “SCREAM FOR ME BITCH!” “AHHHHHHHHH”

- Stan and Kyle in the same car with their cute big heads protruding.

World War Zimmerman:

- Stan and Kyle playing football.

The Scoots:

- Once again, Stan and Kyle playing football.

City on the Edge of Forever:

- Stan saving Kyle in his dream.

- Stan and Kyle sitting a bit closer to each other than usual in Stan’s dream.

Grounded Vindaloop:

- The tetherball date.

- Stan and Kyle saying “fuck you” to Kenny.

Clubhouses:

- Stan reading Bebe’s note, and Kyle being unfazed about it later in the episode. It was never defined whether he was informed the note came from Bebe.

#REHASH:

- Stan and Kyle being called grandpas by the little kids.

Tegridy Farms:

- When one of Ike’s classmates blew smoke in front of Kyle, Stan got extremely defensive about it.

Raising the Bar:

- Stan informing Kyle that it isn’t cool to continue on with “Fatty Doo Doo”.

- Stan checking up on Kyle as he’s sitting alone and listening to him lament about how the bar has sunk so low because of people.

Go Fund Yourself:

- *looking at Kyle’s ass* Boy this is the life huh.

Truth and Advertising:

- Stan and Kyle fist fighting for real, and Tweek and Craig looking at them concerned since they rarely ever fight like this.

Conjoined Fetus Lady:

- Stan preparing to catch Kyle if ever he fails to catch the dodgeball.

Stanley’s Cup:

- THEIR YOUNGER SELVES PLAYING HOCKEY!

ManBearPig:

- Stan’s head on Kyle’s lap. It’s so beautifully rendered.

Board Girls:

- “Wow, you are really into board games.”

A Scause for Applause:

- Kyle confronts Stan about cutting the bracelet by saying Heidi Turner saw him with super glue.

The Death Camp of Tolerance:

- “KYLE! KYLE! YOU HAVE TO KEEP MAKING YOUR MACARONI PICTURES!!”

South Park Bigger, Longer and Uncut:

- Stan getting jealous that even Kyle is amazed at Gregory.

Cartman Join NAMBLA:

- Stan and Kyle putting their face against the glass.

Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics:

- Stan and Kyle making fun of Shelly behind her back.

Raisins:

- Kyle coming to visit Stan with the gang after the whole breakup.

- Kyle wanting Stan to be happy again by bringing him to Raisins.

- Kyle being annoyed over Stan being distraught over Wendy. Jealous?

Mr. Jefferson:

- When Stan hears a knock on his window, he assumes it’s Kyle.

- Stan and Kyle being good caretakers of Blanket.

- Stan and Kyle sleeping with Blanket.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #276

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun.”

Favorite dried fruit? Dried fruit is fucking disgusting. Would you rather wear a dress or a suit on your wedding day? A dress. If you chose dress, will it be long or short? I prefer longer wedding dresses. If you chose suit, will you wear a bow or a tie? Hypothetically I’d wear a tie, probably. Have you ever wanted to be a police officer? No. Do you have a nut allergy? No. Do you accessories with chains? Put chains on fucking EVERYTHING and it is an improvement. How often do you cook dinner? If you’re excluding the microwave, like… never. What have you given up on recently? Nothing important; the only thing I can think of applies to a game. I was after the way-too-fucking-expensive dinosaur mount that is very soon going away in World of Warcraft, but the stress it was causing me wasn’t worth it. The time investment and how it was only a “maybe” of getting it in time Favorite condiment for fries? Ketchup. Ever had bangs? I did as a little kid. Do you know any Italian people? Well yeah, people of Italian descent are common in the U.S. I don’t know like, someone straight from Italy though. Have you ever dated someone LGBTQ+? Yeah, a demisexual. What color would you like your future bathroom to be? Uh… I don’t really care. It would depend on the house. Do you add sugar to plain cornflakes? No. Are skeletons cool? Skellyboiz are dope. Favorite Selena Gomez song? I don’t know any. Do you like coffee flavored cake? I don’t like coffee, so guess. Is that even a thing, though? Do you still watch your favorite kid shows/cartoons? I don’t watch TV. I would though, sure. Do you like going on walks? What's your favorite thing about them? How far do you normally walk? Ugh this question is gonna be embarrassing considering I went through muscle atrophy in my legs from being so sedentary. When we move (HOPEFULLY the start of October, a wrench was kinda thrown in our plans), I intend to absolutely start walking in small intervals now that we’ll be in a nice little neighborhood with a sidewalk. And a PokeStop nearby to bait me lmfao. Plus the weather will be cooler, so I intend to make a lot of progress. BUT ANYWAY I like just listening to either music or the sounds of what’s going on around me. Last time you had a hot drink? That’s a good question. Idk. Have you ever lived in a city? Was it crowded? Never like… a “real” city. Just small towns or in the middle of nowhere. Would you prefer to live in a big city or the woods? THE WOODS!!!!!!1 THE WOODS!!!!!1!!!!1111!! GIMME THAT SHIT!!!!!!11!11!!!! Have you ever climbed a mountain? No. Do you hear owls or crickets at night where you live? LOADS of crickets and toads during the summer. Ever run away from home? When I was a stupid pre-teen. I was mad at my mom and she wasn’t home, so I took Teddy and left. I had my phone though and Mom – when she got home – threatened to call the cops, so yeah, I came back. Are you scared to ride public transport alone? Why? No. Is marriage on your mind? No time soon. Did you own a dollhouse when you were younger? I didn’t, per se, but my younger sister did, and we would play together. Does the room you're in have a tiled floor? No, it’s carpet. How many pairs of earrings do you own? Not that many, not too few. Are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? I’ve never thought *looking* was a good idea, so no. I think bonds of any kind need to come naturally to avoid lack of genuineness, force, or rush. I don’t think me having an s/o is a smart idea right now anyway. Do you prefer a call or a text? Don’t call me unless you’re dying or something. Do your parents drink coffee every morning? Mom almost always does. I don’t live with Dad, so idk. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. One song that's meaningful to you? UM a LOT. Most meaningful, probably “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin. I physically can’t listen to it. Like I refuse to. Are you addicted to anything? Technology, big oof energy. What were you last listening to in the car? Something on my iPod, idk. When was the last time you sang out loud? I don’t recall. I rarely sing. What did you have for breakfast? A microwaveable sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Mom is currently out of state with her mother because she’s literally on her deathbed, so she STOCKED ME THE FUCK UP on groceries. The freezer is literally jam-packed, so I’m focusing on eating food from there. Did you have a nap today? Yes. I almost never, ever make it through the day without one, especially now with having nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, not my first name, anyway. “Marie” is a middle name theme in my family, though. What kind of music do you like? Metal, rock, alternative, indie… stuff like that. What’s one hobby that you’d like to take up? Ugh, I miss a LOT of my old hobbies. I’ve lost interest in so much. I wish I drew way more than I do, which is almost never. What did you think you wanted to be when you grew up? The first job I ever wanted was a paleontologist. I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Still love ‘em. What’s the biggest project on your to-do list right now? It’d be great if I could finish designing Ashley’s cancer tattoo, but again, yeah, drawing motivation. ;_; If you weren’t in your current job, what would you want to be doing? I’m unemployed. Is the last person you kissed older than you? No. Are you happy right now? No. Haven’t been “happy” for a while now. Who makes you happiest right now? Probably my cat tbh lol. Especially being home alone for so long, he’s keeping me company. In school did/do people put a label on you? If so, what is/was it? I was considered one of the “emo” kids. Do you laugh every day? lol wow no. What is the last thing you laughed at? This Spongebob meme I saw on Facebook got me fuckin good. Have you cried today? If so, why? Nah. When was the last time someone saw you naked? Been a long time; even when I’m going in or coming out of the shower I do all I can for Mom to not see me because I hate my body a fucking lot. What is the greatest loss you've endured? My first boyfriend. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? WOW I do this like every fuckin day, fam. What was the last thing you lied about? I’m not sure. What type of a drunk are you? Never gotten to the point of drunk, but I was more talkative the closest I got. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? What a big question. I personally think you should do all you can to make a positive impact on the world – make it better than when you entered. Don’t contribute to the bad, treat people how you want to be treated… all that jazz. When was the last time you were up all night and why? I can’t remember quite why, but I remember doing that with WoW some time ago. Idr what I was doing that had my attention that long, though. That’s rare now. What is the worst thing you've done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? Part one: hand over all of my worth to someone else. Part two: show me exactly why I shouldn’t have in a very unhealthy way. What is the most personal thing you're willing to reveal? I dunno??? Can ya give me a topic?? Is there a situation or person you haven't been able to get over/forgive/what have you? I honestly doubt I’ll ever be entirely over Jason. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Probably Mom, and idr. Doubt it. Just probably raised my voice. Where did your last injury come from? My cat, rip. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? Something along the lines of “thanks for sending me to the ER (or mental hospital?) again.” Fucking disgusting. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Without fail, always. Please wear your seatbelt. Are you scared of flying? Not really. What do you sleep in? Men’s pj pants and tank tops. Who was the last person you kissed? Sara. What are you listening to? I am fucking HOOKED on 3TEETH's cover of "Pumped Up Kicks." Do you prefer soupy noodles or noodles without the broth? Without. Have you ever missed someone but felt like they had other friends and didn't miss you as much as you did? This. Is the story of my motherfuckin life. I feel this all the time to a very deep level. Who, out of all your friends, do you hang with the most and could never get tired of him/her? Sara. Do you like the taste of white chocolate or does it taste kind of fake? Nooot a white chocolate fan. Too sweet. How would you react if you just found out your mom had an abortion before? I would be VERY surprised just given who she is and her adoration for children. Are your pets spayed/neutered? Yes. Hottest guy you know and actually talk to? I don’t regularly talk to any guy I consider “hot,” but the closest to that would be my friend Leon, whom I’ve always seen as very attractive. It is fucking UNCANNY, his resemblance to Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil series. Like he’s dressed as him before and it is astonishing. Name sharing is a coincidence, too. What time of day do you like to shower? I don’t have a favored time anymore. I just do it when I feel like it at some point during the day, but pretty much never night anymore. I do think starting the morning with one though is great, though. When you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? Fries are almost guaranteed, but of course it depends on the type of food, too. What do you spend more money than necessary on? I don’t and never have had a stable source of income to answer this, really. What video game or computer game are you best at? Uhhh I’d probably be rusty with the Shadow of the Colossus controls by now, I’ve don’t have the maps or every puzzles memorized from the Silent Hill games, so I guess my answer’s World of Warcraft if I’m on my hunter. Not to flex but I’m a bomb-ass beast mastery hunter. Been my main in the game since I started in MoP. What do you keep your keys on? They’re in my purse on a keychain. Is your favorite color different than your favorite color to wear? Oh yeah. Do you buy books or get them from the library? Buy them. What section of the food pyramid do you neglect the most? Veggies for sure. What do you use your stovetop for most? Well, I don’t ever. Can you focus on studying if there's music on? No, I need silence. In what types of situations do you demand absolute silence? Well, see the above answer, for one. Also going to sleep. Well, maybe not, as I have a fan as kinda like white noise, but I can sleep without it. Did you do well at fitness testing in grade school? I didn’t score bad, but I wasn’t exceptional either. Do you own more shoes or less shoes than the average person? Less, I’m sure. Do you still have anything from when you were a baby? Yeah, up in the attic. I think my mom has some stuff that’s super important to her in a case somewhere. Do you use hairspray much? I never do. Are art museums interesting or boring to you? I enjoy them. What subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? Well, this is a difficult question to answer when you consider I think depending on your career focus as well as personal values and interests, this answer changes from person to person. Like for me, I could say I don’t give a shit about complex math, but advanced math courses would be valued by certain people down specific paths. But anyway, I’ll bite and say least necessary for *the most* people, in my opinion anyway. Gym. It’s very discriminatory towards people with more limited physical capabilities (and I don’t just mean literally disabled), and it’s also just very uncomfortable and/or embarrassing to some people. Like I’d fuckin cry if in my current state, I was forced to “run” a mile, because I physically couldn’t come even close. A person, a younger one especially, should never be subjected to humiliation at the hands of a class schools deem “necessary” when it absolutely is not. Okay I’m in a talkative mood and this is turning into an essay so I’mma move along now. When you were a kid, what games did you always play on the playground? I think for as long as I had recess, my go-to was ALWAYS the swings. I fucking loved swingsets. I loved playing 4 Square or whatever it was called. And then of course there was me digging tunnels in the sandboxes because I wanted to feel like a meerkat lmfao. Do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? For some reason, I still have this childlike excitement *early* into a power outage. Especially when it’s dark and we have to get out the candles, and I might play my old GameBoy or Nintendo DS, or I’ll probably just chill talking with Mom. However, that phase is pretty short nowadays, being a snake mama. My mind very quickly goes back to “Venus needs her lamp,” so as time passes, I get more anxious than annoyed. Basically, I’d rather not have one. Do you know how to use an ATM? … no lmao How about write a check? No. Are you pretty politically correct? To a degree I consider reasonable. Personally I find political correctness as having gone too far by now, but it’s certainly appropriate in some instances. What is one fashion trend you'll never understand? I… don’t really care to think much on this. Wear what makes you feel confident in yourself. There are things I think don’t look good, but they may look great to you, and it’s on your body, so guess whose opinion matters. What do you wear when you exercise? Oh yeesh. Just sweatpants and a tank top, normally. What is usually the last thing you do before you go to bed? I turn the brightness on my phone waaay down. I’m always going to wake up throughout the night and check the time, but I don’t want to be blinded.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What's the most beautiful thing you've seen in the last week? Snapchats/IG stories my cousin posted of the ocean while she was there earlier this week.

What is beauty, in your opinion? Something you find aesthetically pleasing.

What's your favorite brand of potato chip?  Original Ruffles and ranch dip is quite good. Of all the bands you hate, which do you hate the least? I can’t think of any band I hate. There’s bands I don’t like because I just don’t vibe with their music, but I don’t hate them. Do you believe it is possible to know something that's false?  Yes?

Does man have free will? Yes.  How many people have you ever dated? Two. Would you rather do evil or have evil done to you? Uh, neither... Who's better, Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?  I like songs from both of them.  How many friends do you have? Zero. What's worse, algebra or geometry? I hate math, period. We didn’t vibe. Are you a vegetarian of any sort?  Nope. What's your sexual orientation? Straight. Who do you look up to? My mom. Should art that does not represent anything be considered art at all? Anything can be considered art. Just because it might not represent anything to you, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t. People can look at the same thing and see something totally different. Have you ever... Literally wanted to kill someone? Stayed up all night...two nights in a row? Had a near-death experience? Been obsessed with a celebrity? Believed a person to be perfect in every way? <<< Only Jesus. Been hated by the people at an online forum? Planned your own suicide? Had an overwhelming religious experience? Fainted? Had an imaginary friend? Been windsurfing? Volunteered for an organization without having been forced into doing so? Wanted something so badly you'd sell your soul for it? Seen something so disgusting you puked? <<< Pretty damn close. Changed your mind about something important three times in one day? Written anything longer than twenty pages (typed, single-spaced)? Read anything longer than one thousand pages (in one day)? Felt as if you could do anything? Taken a friend on a family trip? Attended a Marxist gathering? Memorized the lyrics to the Internationale? Witnessed a solar eclipse? Fallen asleep during class? Been away from your family for more than six weeks? Which of the following best describes you Simple/Sophisticated Altruistic/Selfish Smart/Dumb <<< Kinda smart, kinda dumb. I feel I’m just average. Cute/Ugly Reader/Writer Math nerd/history buff <<< Neither. Into sports/Into music Unwavering/Impulse Serious/Funny Favorite Type of animal: Dogs and giraffes. Word:  *shrug* Number:  8. Music video: I’ll say Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi video because it has Alexander Skarsgard haha. TV show:  I have several. Philosopher:  I don’t have one. Video/computer game: Mario Bros anything pretty much, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, and The Sims.  Sport (to play):  None. Sport (to watch):  None. Living political figure:  I don’t have one. Work of art:  The Scream by Edvard Munch. Month of the year:  October and December. Name:  Alexander. Calculator:  Uh, I don’t have a favorite calculator. I just use the one on my phone if I need one. Comic strip:  Peanuts.

Enemy:  I don’t have any enemies. If I did, I don’t think I’d have a favorite one... Year of your life:  I’ll give you a decade: the 90s. Teacher:  I’m not in school anymore.

Restaurant:  Wingstop. Textbook: Do you crave adventure?  I’d like to travel. I really could use a vacay. Do you wear glasses?  Yep. What's the purpose of your life?  I haven’t figured that out, yet. Do you have moral integrity? Yes. Do you like your family?  Yes, I love my family. Do you like yourself? No. :/ Would you ever respond "Yes" to the question "Are you hungry or full?"  No? Your religion? Christian. What do you care about most in your life?  God and my family. Have you heard the term "Luddite?"  Uhh, nope. Have you ever been elected a class officer?  No. Do you get good grades? I’m done with school now, but yeah I got A’s and B’s. Do you litter?  NO. Huge pet peeve of mine. Just throw it away!  Are you a paragon of virtue? A what? Okay, so I Googled it and it’s a term for someone who describes themselves as being perfect and having no faults or imperfections; often used sarcastically and ironically. I am certainly no such person, no one is, and I wouldn’t even say I was joking cause just no. I clearly have faults and imperfections. I know people who would use that term about themselves, though. What is virtue, in your opinion?  Having to do with morals. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? How long have you been together? Why do you like him/her? Nope. Is incest wrong?  Yes. Do you have a calendar of any sort?  Yeah, I have a physical one and the one on my phone. What time is it?  6:04AM. Tell me something interesting. I got nothin’. Do you cuss?  Not a lot, but yes.

Are you bilingual(/trilingual/quadrilingual, if that's a word/etc.)?  No. I wish.

Are you mentally ill? I have major depression and anxiety. Does mental illness exist?  Uh, yeah it absolutely does. Ever fallen in love online? No, but in 6th grade I had an online boyfriend I met in a teen chatroom lmao. I would say I was like 16 or 18. I shouldn’t laugh cause it’s very likely the guy was probably an old perv. Who is John Galt?  I don’t know. How many songs are on your playlist?  I have no idea, but it’s a shit ton. What's your favorite singer/band? Linkin Park is definitely my top favorite band, but I have many favorite artists and bands. List three favorite songs. That’s too hard. Do you approve of math jokes?  I probably wouldn’t even get them, ha.

How about "your mom" jokes? Not a fan. Are you addicted to online surveys?  Yeah, you could say that. Are you addicted to anything else? Caffeine :O <<< Same. Do you have any anti-technological tendencies?  No. Are you bored?  Nah. Who do you despise?  Evil, sick, disturbing people. If you could cure one social ill, what would it be?  Child abuse. If you were dictator of the US, what's the first thing you would do? I wouldn’t want to be a dictator, for one. Also, I wouldn’t want to be in control in any kind of way over the country. How many kids would you like to have? Zero. What's the biggest lie you've told within the past two weeks? I haven’t told any huge lies in the past two weeks. Do you have AOL?  No. I haven’t had AOL since like 2004. Do you consider yourself a loser? “Soy un perdedor, I’m a loser, baby.” Are you putting off something important to take this survey?  Sleep? It’s 6:22AM, but sadly that’s become the norm for me this year. If you could change the design on the American flag, how would it look? I’ll leave it the way it is.   Why do you believe children like stuffed animals? Because they're soft and cuddly. <<< Would you rather die or have ten random strangers die?  Wtf. Do you believe nuclear weapons should be eliminated? Absolutely. Education? What about it? I think it’s very important if that’s what you mean. Slavery? Of course not!  Do you deliberately cause physical harm to yourself?  In a way I have since I don’t take care of myself like I should. I’ve neglected and ignored things I shouldn’t have.  Are definitions for losers?  No?? We need to know the meaning of words... Summarize yourself in one word.  Blah. Do you have any pets?  I have a doggo!  Ever had a blood transfusion?  I’ve had a few. Who was your first crush?  This kid named Philip when I was in the 3rd grade. When did you have it?  Oh. ^^^ What's your earliest memory? Preschool memories come to mind first. Are you listening to anything right now? Yeah, an ASMR video. Are you a good writer? People have said that I am, *shrug*  Are you physically disabled in any way?  Yes, I’m a paraplegic. Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?  I guess a leg out of the two. As someone who relies on their arms for everything, I really need those. I’d like to keep all my limbs; though, thanks. Are you easily amused?  Yeah, you could say that. Are you socially inept? I’m socially awkward, is that the same? Who's your favorite fictional character?  Eric Northman. Where will you be in twenty years? Gah, I can’t think about that. Do you remember the 1996 election?  No. I turned 7 that year , I didn’t pay attention to that stuff. I was a kid, I cared about kid stuff. Do you remember anything that happened in 1996?  I remember I got the chicken pox. Is it worse to be considered unfeeling or irrational?  I’d say both. What's the greatest sports team of all time? I really don’t care about sports at all. What turns you on/off? It’s been so long, who knows. Do you get angry over little things? No, but I do get very irritable and frustrated quite easily. If you could have one wish (other than more wishes), what would it be? Good health. Do you enjoy hypothetical questions? Ehh, depends.

How much will you accept without proof? Uhhh. Ever dumped someone?  Yes.

Ever beaten someone up?  No. Ever been addicted to drugs/alcohol/tobacco?  No. Who's your best friend?  My mom. Who's your second-best friend? My younger brother. Do you approve of democracy?  Yes.

[kitandkanoodle]

magnet and steel

Happy birthday to the amazing, beautiful, and talented @starments​!  May you forever be fantastic and kind and astoundingly brilliant.

Gamora is the lead guitarist of Guardian, an up and coming rock band known for their catchy songs and near-disastrous shows.  Also, she's in a clandestine relationship with the lead singer, Peter Quill.

Both things are going well.

She thinks.

------

Alternately, the rock band AU that literally no one asked for.

read it here on AO3

Gamora has always been a deeply private person.

Ironic, obviously, given the fact that she’s stepping more and more often into the public eye as Guardian’s popularity began to rise, but nevertheless, she still values keeping her work life and her private life separate.   She deftly avoids the paparazzi, ducking into dark alleys or storefronts before they even notice her.

Peter, on the other hand – whose stage name, Star-Lord, is becoming a little more commonplace – handles it far better.  He grins and winks and drinks in the attention like a sponge.  He flirts with their fans from the stage, charms the interviewers with crooked smiles.  Peter is the spokesperson of the band, thanks to his easy charisma, but considering who the other members are, that’s hardly a surprise.  

Normally, he could take the difficult questions and talk circles around his answer.  Usually those questions had to do with their rumored criminal history – running with gangs or starting drunken bar brawls or stealing cars – and sometimes, their interviewers had more than a few pointed questions about the rumors of Peter’s “involvement” with Gamora.  

Their “involvement” with one another was no one’s business, Gamora had decided.  While Peter had told her repeatedly that he would gladly shout it from the rooftops, if he could, that he would dedicate every song and lyric to her, he respected her choice.

She wanted this for them.  She didn’t want their relationship to gather any attention.  It was theirs and no one else’s.

And Peter would babble, would hop from segue to segue until the interviewer feels satisfied, despite never receiving a proper answer, or until the interviewer has forgotten the question in the first place.  

Right now, though, Peter sits rigidly, eyes wide and hands clenched into tight fists in his lap.

Gamora is seated beside him, and her gaze darts to him briefly before glaring back at the interviewer.

“I think we should move on,” she says, taking pains to keep her voice even.

“It’s such a tragic story,” the interviewer continues, ignoring Gamora entirely.

The interviewer, Ayesha, is beautiful, Gamora has to admit, with her hair pulled back into a high, tight bun that accentuates her cheekbones.   Peter’s type – but then again, not too long ago, anything with a pulse might have been Peter’s type.  

Gamora had glanced over at Peter as Ayesha had entered the room, and he had looked back at her with an expression that said, “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

Ayesha had spent the first ten minutes of the interview shamelessly flirting with him, and Peter had flirted back – almost politely, like it was a normal part of conversation.  And perhaps, for Peter, it was, though the instant Peter had spotted Gamora rolling her eyes, he had cleared his throat and straightened, slapping on a mask of pure professionalism.

That mask has clearly slipped in the meantime, and when Gamora looks at him now, he has the air of a man staring down a firing squad.

“It’s been sixteen years to the day, I believe,” Ayesha says smoothly.  She uncrosses her legs, only to cross them again in the opposite direction. She props her chin on her hand, elbow resting on the armrest of her chair.  “The anniversary of your mother’s death, coinciding with one of your biggest performances to date.  A bit tone-deaf, wouldn’t you say?”

Gamora has the sudden desire to punch out Ayesha’s teeth.  “If we could please move on to the next question?”

“Meredith Quill,” Ayesha continues, pretending as though Gamora had never spoken.  “A single mother, raising a young Peter Quill, who would one day become the illustrious Star-Lord.  She was taken by sickness, as I understand it?  And you, so young, to be left in the world, all on your own.  With no father to speak of, as I hear it?”

Ayesha’s brow crinkles, lips pressing together as her expression shifts into one of sympathy.  Gamora sees nothing genuine in it.  Peter shrinks in his seat, each word cutting into him like a blade.  

“A man you never met, as I understand.  Did he leave your mother after you were conceived, or was he gone soon after you were born?  A common story, of course, but a history like that has had a clear effect on your music.”

Peter gives a sharp shake of his head.  He croaks, “I don’t—”

And again, Ayesha ignores them, flipping to a page in her notes.   “Interspersed with the occasional radio-friendly hit about partying, you’ve written more than a few songs about abandonment and lost or unrequited love.  Among the dreck of Guardian’s singles – if you don’t mind my saying – are a few genuinely unique gems.  Perhaps we can get to the heart of things, and you could speak on how your experiences have molded you into the artist you are today.

“It seems you still feel the loss of your mother so keenly, Mr. Quill, after all these years.   Sixteen years is a long time to mourn, some might say.  And some might also say there’s something disingenuous in it.”

“That’s enough,” Gamora snaps, and she can hear the snarl in her own voice.

Ayesha spares her a patronizing smile before focusing back on Peter.

“Are you really so lonely, Mr. Quill?”

Peter takes a sharp breath.

Gamora stands, then, the legs of her chair squealing with the abrupt movement.  Peter’s head snaps up to stare at her, and she rests a hand on his shoulder, trying desperately to control the way she shakes with rage.

He looks so lost.

“This interview is over,” Gamora says, pulling Peter to his feet.  She marvels at how unresisting he is as she guides him from the room.

Gamora ignores the way Ayesha smirks at her, the way Ayesha leans back in her seat before offering a nod that somehow manages to be mocking and polite, all at once.

It’s been hours and hours since they left Ayesha, smug and triumphant, and Peter still hasn’t said a word.

Ayesha, of course, had gone to Twitter, lamenting the lack of professionalism from Guardian’s front man and, especially, their lead guitarist.

The others have been filling in the silence for him.  Rocket has been snarling about the interview ever since Gamora had explained what happened, and Drax has been solemnly agreeing with him.  Groot, at least, has been a solid presence at Peter’s side, silent but understanding.  

Peter has always been sensitive about his childhood, Gamora knows.  He holds the loss of his mother close to his heart.  On late, drunken nights, he had confessed to how furious he was at the father he never knew for leaving them, for never once seeming to give a shit about Peter’s mother or the life of their son.

(“Fuck that guy,” Peter had grumbled once, the words thick and running together.  Gamora had let him curl close, had let him tuck his face against her neck while she held his hand.  His breath had faintly smelled of whiskey.  “Just once, I wanna meet him so I can kick his ass.”)

And now, he stands in the wings, staring into the middle distance.  Gamora can hear their fans shouting and whistling, chanting the band’s name.  Normally the wash of noise would make Peter grin in wonder, like he could hardly believe their luck.  This is their biggest show to date, and the members of Guardian should be practically vibrating with excitement.

Mostly, though, they’re all subdued, because Peter is uncharacteristically subdued, and the silence weighs heavily on them.

“Peter,” Gamora says, standing close to be heard over the chaos.  He comes out of his daze, blinking at her owlishly, and he almost seems confused.   “Peter, do we need to cancel?”

He stares at her for a second, and it’s almost as though he just realized where he is.  He blinks again before shaking himself, looking at his surroundings like he’s seeing them for the first time.  The chanting from the auditorium echoes from the high ceilings, and Peter puts on a small, unsteady smile.

“No,” he says.  He visibly straightens, straightening out his signature leather jacket.  “No, I’m good.  It’s fine.  Let’s rock this bitch.”

Gamora looks at him uncertainly for a second, but at length, she nods.  He tries to smile again, and this time, he looks a little more like himself.  He leans forward for a quick kiss, Gamora assumes, but she pulls away on instinct.

He blinks at her again, poleaxed.

She crosses her arms as she rocks back, kicking herself for her own reaction.

“Gamora,” he says, ducking his head.  He chews on his lip.  “You and me.  Are we ever going to…”

He trails off, and Gamora frowns.

“‘Going to’ what?” she asks, and she can’t help the defensive edge in her voice.

“I mean, we’ve been— We’ve been dancing around this for forever, but we haven’t—”

She clenches her jaw, trying to swallow down her impatience.  Peter had a bad habit of babbling when he was nervous.  “‘Haven’t’ what, Peter?”

He turns to face her fully.  There’s something almost helpless in his expression, something confused and anxious and—something else Gamora can’t quite name.

“What the hell are we doing?” he asks, his voice strangely hollow.  Gamora’s blood runs cold.  “What do you want this to be?  What am I to you?  Because, Gamora— Gamora, I think— I think I’m—”

But someone is announcing the band, calling them all on stage.  The crowd’s cheering reaches a fever pitch as Drax, Rocket, and Groot run on stage first.

“Now’s not the time,” Gamora says.  She almost feels grateful for the interruption.  “We’ll talk about this later.”

But she almost hopes that with the distraction of their show and the ensuing adrenaline high and adrenaline crash, Peter will forget the questions he just asked.

Peter nods, head bowed.  “Yeah.  Of course.  Sure.”

Gamora hesitates before stepping out on stage.

Only a second or two after, the cheering suddenly becomes deafening as Peter steps into view, his showman’s smile firmly in place.  He plays up the crowd as he usually does, waving and dancing as the others test their instruments, getting comfortable.  The mic stand is decorated with one of Peter’s red scarves, and he plucks up the microphone with practiced ease.  He moves to the edge of the stage to scan their audience, a hand shading his eyes.

“Holy shit,” he says into the mic, dragging out the words, voice genuinely bright and excited.  “There’s a lot of you guys out there, huh?  Wait, hang on, can we get some houselights?”

The lights in the auditorium slowly brighten as Peter pulls his phone from his pocket and turns his back to the crowd.  He raises the phone high and crouches a little, and Gamora sees him mirrored on the phone’s screen, along with the fans grinning and waving in the background.

He announces, “We’re takin’ a selfie!”

The audience goes wild, and Peter laughs.  Gamora relaxes by degrees as Peter seems to slip into his onstage persona, all charisma and swagger, and she feels herself smiling.

“Okay, show time, a-holes,” Peter says, tucking his phone away and replacing the mic in its cradle.  He picks up his guitar from its stand – a Flying V marbled in blue and orange – and loops the strap over his head.  “We’re gonna play some music for you guys, if that’s okay.”

Another raucous cheer, and Drax clicks his drumsticks together, starting them off.

They work their way through their set, and miraculously, it’s going well.  No electrical issues, no broken drumsticks, no snapped strings.  Guardian was known for putting on a good show, but they were also known for varying mishaps spanning the gamut to minor to catastrophic and adapting on the fly.  By now, fans were there to listen to their music as much as they were there to witness things going wrong.

Gamora thinks that, for once, they might have a clean set.

Except—

Except they reach "The Goof-Off Segment,” as Peter had jokingly christened it.

Ever since an incident where Groot had completely forgotten the order of their songs, they’ve taken to printing out their setlist, with the truncated titles of their songs typed out in large, friendly letters.   This part of the show was when they let their love of music take them along.  The songs changed almost every concert, depending on their moods, and spanned anywhere from instrumentals they composed that hadn’t yet received lyrics, to older songs from their band’s infancy that never really gained traction, to covers of old favorites.

Tonight, their helpful print-out reminds them that they’re starting the Goof-Off Segment with a cover of “Brandy” by Looking Glass.

(“My mother loved this song,” Peter had told them, smiling wistfully as he shared the arrangement.  “It’s the greatest song on Earth.”)

Peter must spot it the same instant Gamora does, because he freezes, knuckles turning white as his grip tightens on the microphone.  The other Guardians are apparently unaware of Peter’s current state, because they start in on the next song before Gamora can stop them.

Peter misses his cue.

But the song continues on, and Gamora exchanges quick glances with an alarmed Groot.  Even the crowd has gone quiet, and quickly, Rocket takes up the mantle, singing in Peter’s place.  Rocket’s voice isn’t quite as clean, isn’t quite as steady, but he sings with confidence.  

Gamora turns back to offer him a grateful nod, but Rocket returns the gesture with a pointed glare – something that screams, Fucking do something.

Gamora backs away from her own mic stand, still playing along with the others on her guitar.  She calls Peter’s name.

He turns toward her, arms limp at his sides.  His expression is strangely empty, like it had been during the interview with Ayesha.

He looks like he’s drowning.

“What am I to you?” Peter had asked her, quiet and desperate and—

—and terrified, Gamora realizes now, and her chest twists with it.

Peter had been terrified.

“Are you really so lonely, Mr. Quill?” Ayesha had asked, wearing an insincere frown of sympathy.

Behind them, Rocket sings about Brandy, with her beautiful eyes and dazzling smile, in love with someone who couldn’t – or maybe wouldn’t — love her back.

“Gamora,” Peter had stuttered.  “Gamora, I think— I think I’m—”

Oh.

Something warm blossoms in her chest, stealing the breath from her lungs, and she feels her expression go slack.

 Oh.

She surges forward before she even realizes it, closing the space between the two of them in what feels like an instant and pushing her guitar away, slinging it across her back.  He frowns at her, starting to say her name.

Gamora values her privacy – what little of it remains while they’re rising in the limelight, at least – and Peter had respected that.  Keeping their relationship a secret had seemed the wisest course of action while they were finding their way.  And it was, for a while.  Gamora thinks fondly of their late nights together as this strange, fragile thing bloomed between them, just talking.  And she thinks of falling asleep curled against Peter on their uncomfortable tour bus.  And she thinks of Peter’s bright, dumbfounded smiles when he thought she wasn’t looking.

She realizes, now, that she hadn’t been keeping this safe, as she thought.  She had been keeping it for herself and had left Peter alone and locked in the dark.

Gamora brackets his face with her hands, and he blinks at her.

She leans up and slots her lips over his, and the world falls away.

They’ve done this before, of course.  Hundreds of times.  Thousands of times.  Little innocent pecks as they started their days, or far more heated kisses as they crashed into one another after finding their hotel rooms.  In retrospect, she wonders why it had felt so impossible to do this in public, when right now, it feels as easy as breathing.

Peter’s hand cups her cheek, and he breaks off their kiss to suck in a startled breath.  He rests his forehead against hers, his face flushed and eyes bright and a little glassy.  He looks dumbstruck, but he’s smiling now, disbelief warring with complete delight.

Gamora feels herself smiling back.

After a heartbeat, reality comes crashing back in, and she hears their fans screaming.  The other Guardians have stopped playing, she realizes, and she catches Drax’s mild, approving nod from the corner of her eye.

“Sorry for that disgusting display, everyone,” Rocket grouses into his microphone, cutting over the chaos.  “If you feel the need to puke, please make your ways to the exits in an orderly fashion.”

Peter pulls back to shoot Rocket a glare, though he only shrugs in response.   He casts an apologetic look to Gamora as he pulls away with clear reluctance, readjusting the strap of his guitar.

His grin seems permanently affixed to his face, at the moment.  He says, “We should get back to work.”

“We should.”

“We’re—gonna talk about this later, right?”

Gamora nods.  “We will.”

She means it, this time.

And this time, when he leans forward for a quick kiss, Gamora doesn’t pull away.

The disastrous interview with is Ayesha is practically forgotten, and every mention of Guardian in social media varies from incoherent gibberish (“Keymashing,” Peter had explained), to expressions of dismay at either Gamora or Peter apparently being spoken for, to accusations of publicity stunts.

Gamora ignores it all, sitting with Peter as they wind down from the concert, the television flipped to a cheesy infomercial for background noise.  The boxes and wrappers from their late night fast food run still haven’t made their way to the nearby trash can, and Peter chews idly on what must be a cold French fry as he idly scrolls through his phone.

The woman on the television struggles in vain against the lid of a pickle jar, and Peter breaks the comfortable silence between them with a quiet laugh.

He turns his phone’s screen to her, showing her a video of “The Kiss,” as the fans have dubbed it.  The shaky video shows the instant Peter freezes, shows Gamora kissing him and Guardian stuttering to a stop, up until Peter finally got control of the situation.

“So,” he had drawled, as he reclaimed his microphone, laughing a little.  He and Gamora had exchanged glances.  “Surprise?”

The fan behind the phone had shrieked along with the rest of the audience before the video abruptly ends.

Gamora looks up at Peter.  His smile is wide and bright, but gentle and warm in that distinct way, reserved entirely for her.

“You kinda like me, huh?”

Her eyes narrow, lips pressing into a line to suppress her smile.

“It’s possible,” she admits.

Peter barks out a laugh, tossing his phone away to the far end of the couch.

“I like you a lot, too,” he says, but there’s weight behind his words.   She knows he wants to say more, but he’s waiting, she thinks.

There will be time for more later, she thinks, and she settles against his side.  He rests his arm around her shoulders, pressing his face to her hair.

[thecoleopterawithana]

Hello! I really adore your blog and all the work you put into it! It's well appriciated. Anyways, a real question - how do you feel about Paul and Jane's relationship? Because it confuses me on so many levels. I find it very hard to believe she didn't know about his many affairs while they were together, yet the public reason for their break up is his adultery with Francie who denied that (I mean who even reported that?). 1/3

The other thing that confuses me is the fact that he was writing basically break up songs (but I didn’t register a lot of love there tbh) back in 66 and they somehow managed to last until 68, even though they totally didn’t give the impression of a good match (her ambition and his desire for housewife/bachelor life) nor did they seem as if they loved each other very much (at least publically).

The last part of the question, are you aware of a love song he wrote for her? I know some people think Here There and Everywhere but her brother apparently disagrees. Anyways, these are just my feelings and idk if I am not under a wrong impression here or something. I also don’t want it to sound like I am theoretizing here about it being a cover up for mclennon - because I am not! I think of it more as a publicity stunt for publicity…

…(even though I think it evolved into that over the course of time and it began more like Paul showing off with this pretty actress he managed to woo). What do you think? Thank you for your answer and sorry for the lenght, haha! R. 😎

Hey there! Thank you so much for the ask and a million apologies for taking so long to answer! It’s just that I had no opinion to speak of, at the time. 

I was just beginning to attempt getting a grasp on Paul– and to better comprehend my main interest of Lennon/McCartney– and hadn’t branched into the other people in his life yet. But to reach a true understanding, it is crucial to look at the full picture; and Jane was very much part of that picture, during a long and formative time!

Now, I must warn you that I’m nowhere near a Jane Asher connoisseur! This post comes with the disclaimer that I don’t feel adequately informed to answer it. But you asked, and it has been sitting in my inbox long enough, so… take my personal opinions for what they (always) are: honest (but probably flawed) attempts at understanding the emotional workings of human beings, based on the information available to me at the time. 

But because I feel like there is more information out there that I just didn’t find in the targeted research for this post, I urge more knowledgeable fans to give their contributions and/or correct me if I make some factual mistake. 

So, disclaimer given, here’s the actual answer:

I understand and empathize with your confusion regarding their relationship. I think it’s just a feeling that arises from the lack of information. After all, theirs was a relationship under intense public scrutiny from the very beginning, but whose actual inner workings were kept – through the effort of both parties – determinately private and personal. That’s always how Paul prefered it. And, effectively demonstrated by her resolute silence since, so has Jane. 

The main feeling I get from Paul and Jane is that they were both incredibly similar people, who also had somewhat separate interests. And this seems to have been both what attracted them to one another, and what eventually made them grow apart. 

Both of them were very socially adept; “good mixers”. Brian Sommerville (the Beatles’ publicity manager from 1963-1964) describes Jane as “a very sweet, extroverted girl […] bright, very conversational and full of fun”. This kind of sounds like Paul at his most gregarious. 

They were incredibly intelligent. And if Jane was cultured and knowledgeable, Paul was intensely curious, and soon became cultured and knowledgeable himself. And Paul himself openly admits that he was always attracted to “intelligent and talented people”. 

And we must acknowledge that the Asher’s lifestyle as a whole was something that captivated Paul (enough to have him literally move in with them as soon as he could). It had been instilled into him from early on, after all, this great appreciation for education and the drive to do better and rise out of his circumstances. 

[My parents] aspired to a better life. That idea that we had to get out of here, we had to do better than this. This was okay for everyone else in the street but we could do better than this. She was always moving to what she saw as a better place to bring her kids up.

[…]

My parents aspired for us, very much indeed. That is one of the great things you can find in ordinary people. My mum wanted me to be a doctor. ‘My son the doctor’ - and her being a nurse, too. No problem there. And my dad, who left school at fourteen, would have loved me to be a great scientist, a great university graduate. I always feel grateful for that. I mean, God, I certainly fulfilled their aspirations, talk about overachieving! That was all bred into me, that.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

People call Paul a “social climber” to demean him; and because the term is used to attack him, others defend him by saying his relationship with Jane had nothing to do with social climbing. But I don’t think this should be derogatory in the first place! 

Paul was ambitious; he did want to gain a higher social status. Not because he felt that made him inherently better than others; he’d just been raised to feel a sense of responsibility for being the best that he could be, and not live in poverty anymore! And what’s wrong with that, I’d like to know? 

All the Beatles wanted success, fame and status, so all of them were social climbers, in a sense. 

So what if one of the things that attracted Paul to Jane was that she was educated and cultured? It seems like a perfectly valid reason to be genuinely into someone to me.

Of course, both of them were beautiful. As Tony Barrow (the Beatles’ press officer) put it: “There was something about seeing them together that was magical. With those two gorgeous faces and all that incredible charisma, they looked like a couple of Greek gods.”  So the physical attraction was also obviously there.

And I don’t doubt that Paul was proud to have such a beautiful, talented and interesting person as a girlfriend, and might have felt like showing her off to friends. But I don’t think that lessens how enamoured they were with one another. If the whole relationship was being performed for outwards appreciation, I feel like there’d be a lot more performing going on. Instead, they never revealed more than they needed to, nor did they stop living to hide from the public eye. 

If there publicity strategies to it, they never came from Brian Epstein himself, who actually thought that the Beatles having girlfriends was a marketing mistake:

There was a considerable difference of opinion over the Jane Asher situation. Brian made a terrible fuss about it, saying that it would offend the fans. But, in effect, Paul just told him to mind his own business. Brian was probably just being over-cautious, and Paul more far-sighted, knowing that that sort of thing didn’t matter. But at the time it was a textbook rule of publicity that the artist must appear single and available.

— Brian Sommerville, in Chris Salewicz’s McCartney (1986).   

So the relationship wasn’t arranged as a publicity stunt. I feel like everything points to them just genuinely liking each other. 

(And now just an honest question to those of you who’ve been longer in the fandom: is George’s relationship with Pattie Boyd also suspected to be a publicity stunt? Because I don’t know if this has just escaped my notice, or if this claim is something that afflicts only Paul and Jane specifically. And if so, why do you think that is?)

But going back to their similarities, both Jane and Paul were incredibly independent, self-assured and work-oriented. And I think it was the clash of their strong personalities that actually caused the bumps in the relationship. 

Paul likes to be in control of himself and to some extent the environment around him. And he’d grown up in a society where it was acceptable for that to extend to his girlfriends. 

John and I lusted after Brigitte Bardot in our teen yearsand tried to make our girlfriends look like her. […] I had a girlfriend called Dot, Dorothy Rohne, who was my steady girlfriend forquite a long time in Liverpool. She and John’s girlfriend, later wife, CynthiaPowell, came over to Hamburg and I remember buying her a leather skirt andencouraging her to grow her hair long so she’d look like Brigitte.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997). 

Jane, of course, wasn’t willing to be moulded so easily.

That’s typical Paul [wanting me to stay inside the George V Hotel with the band instead of going out by myself to see Paris]. It’s just so silly of me to stay at the hotel. It’s just that he’s so insecure. For instance, he keeps saying he’s not interested in the future, but he must be because he says it so often. The trouble is, he wants the fans’ adulation and mine too. He’s so selfish, it’s his biggest fault. He can’t see that my feelings for him are real and that the fans’ are fantasy. Of course, it’s the trouble with all boys.

—Jane Asher, c/o Michael Braun, Love Me Do!: The Beatles’ Progress. (1964)

This little passage shows us Jane’s insights into the “darker” sides of Paul’s character that other’s wouldn’t often see. His insecurities: fear that Jane would betray him, anxieties about the future and his need to be liked. And this level of understanding shows either an incredible perceptiveness and emotional intelligence on Jane’s part, or it is another sign of how close they were and how well they knew each other. 

That Paul was understood like that by another person is extremely important! As he was reported saying after their breakup in 1968: 

Jane wasn’t just my woman, she was my closest friend. I’ve told her everything inside me. She knows what makes me tick down to things that happened as a kid. I went right through all the stuff about my mother dying and how I dealt with that. With Jane, I could just relax completely and be myself and that seemed to be what she wanted. With the other women, I’m a fucking millionaire rock star who just happens to be about as shallow as a puddle.

—in Alistair Taylor’s With the Beatles (2003).

Or just before that, as observed during the extensive interviews for the Beatles’ authorized biography, in 1967:

[Paul’s] life is much quieter and more ordered now. Paul is very communicative about himself, unlike the others. He talks everything over with Jane. She knows what he’s thinking.

— in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

And I can’t stress enough how significant it is that Paul was open in such a way! It just shows how much he respected and trusted Jane. 

And I think she also trusted him. With this I don’t mean to say that she trusted him not to sleep around; I don’t believe for a minute she didn’t know about it. And because she doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of person who would endure it if she was actually betrayed and hurt by this, my personal opinion is that this was a given; something known and accepted between them. And probably not just one-way either. They spent long periods apart, after all, and I think both Paul and Jane had agreed between themselves that it was okay to have affairs. I don’t know exactly the specifics of it, or if this was revoked when they got engaged. 

But I don’t think that was the (main) reason the engagement was called off either.

It is clear they enjoyed the other’s company, from the amount of time they spent on outings and holidays alone together. But both also seem rather uncompromising in respects to their personal careers, and that probably lead to clashes. During 1965 they spend a lot of time apart when Jane pursues her acting career in Bristol Old Vic company.

My whole existence for so long centred around a bachelor life. I didn’t treat women as most people do. I’ve always had a lot around, even when I’ve had a steady girl. My life generally has always been very lax, and not normal.

I knew it was selfish. It caused a few rows. Jane left me once and went off to Bristol to act. I said OK then, leave, I’ll find someone else. It was shattering to be without her.

— Paul McCartney, in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

Paul’s frustrations were exercised through ‘We Can Work It Out’ and ‘I’m Looking Through You’:

I wrote quite a lot of stuff up in that room actually [in Jane Asher’s family home]. I’m Looking Through You I seem to remember after an argument with Jane. There were a few of those moments. […]

As is one’s wont in relationships, you will from time to time argue or not see eye to eye on things, and a couple of the songs around this period were that kind of thing. This one I remember particularly as me being disillusioned over her commitment. She went down to the Bristol Old Vic quite a lot around this time. Suffice to say that this one was probably related to that romantic episode and I was seeing through her façade. And realising that it wasn’t quite all that it seemed. I would write it out in a song and then I’ve got rid of the emotion. I don’t hold grudges so that gets rid of that little bit of emotional baggage. I remember specifically this one being about that, getting rid of some emotional baggage. ‘I’m looking through you, and you’re not there!’

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

You’re thinking of me the same old wayYou were above me, but not todayThe only difference is you’re down thereI’m looking through you and you’re nowhere

Why, tell me why, did you not treat me right? Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight

I’m looking through you, where did you go I thought I knew you, what did I know You don’t look different, but you have changedI’m looking through you, you’re not the same

Paul was especially shaken by this episode when it became apparent that she might actually leave him for her other boyfriend:

I remember more one time when she was working at the Bristol Old Vic and she’d got a boyfriend in Bristol and was going to leave me for him. That was wildly traumatic, that was ‘Uhhhh!’ Total rejection!

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

So to lead a better life, Paul needs his love to be here, but Jane was pursuing her own dreams:

Jane loved acting and Jane loved Paul, but she wasn’t about to give one up for the other. […] Of all the plum roles that had come her way, the Subservient Beatles Woman was the only one Jane Asher refused to play. […] She had too much going for her to take a backseat to anyone, much less her mate. From the beginning, Paul had a hard time keeping up with her. Jane’s diary, which she lived by, was a clutter of fascinating appointments and social commitments. “I was amazed by the diary,” Paul admitted. “I’ve never known people who stuffed so much into a day.” There were auditions, meetings with television and movie producers, vocal lessons, acting classes, fittings, gallery debuts, screenings, recitals, opening nights. […] “Paul was clearly in awe of her,” says Peter Brown. 

— in Bob Spitz’s The Beatles: The Biography (2005).

And though they both loved culture and the swinging London scene, Jane wasn’t into all the drugs or the rock-n’-roll world. So when they moved together to Cavendish in March 1966, their slightly different social circles often didn’t mix well.

At Wimpole Street, he and Jane had kept their social lives mainly separate. At Cavendish, she naturally wanted to entertain her theatre friends, and the mix of luvvies and rockers could sometimes be awkward. One evening when she had some fellow actors to dinner, Paul arrived home with John, who–whether the result of drink or pot or just plain Lennonness–was at his most maliciously provocative. When one of the actresses at the table nervously requested an ashtray, he knelt beside her and facetiously offered one of his nostrils for the purpose. Jane, with her usual sangfroid, simply extended a foot and pushed him over.

— in Phillip Norman’s Paul McCartney: The Biography (2016).

On this same month, during a skiing holiday in Switzerland, Paul writes ‘For No One’.

It was very nice and I remember writing 'For No One’ there.I suspect it was about another argument. I don’t have easy relationships withwomen, I never have. I talk too much truth.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

It’s interesting to me that Paul’s problem in his relationship with women is “talking too much truth”. But by the lyrics in the song, we see that once again Paul is struggling with Jane’s self-reliance and her perceived lack-of-interest for him (which I also find endlessly ironic):

She wakes up, she makes upShe takes her time and doesn’t feel she has to hurryShe no longer needs you

You want her, you need herAnd yet you don’t believe her when she says her love is deadYou think she needs you

You stay home, she goes outShe says that long ago she knew someone but now he’s goneShe doesn’t need him

Your day breaks, your mind achesThere will be times when all the things she said will fill your headYou won’t forget her

And in her eyes you see nothingNo sign of love behind the tearsCried for no oneA love that should have lasted years!

The next big separation comes in 1967, when Jane goes on a tour of the US for the first five months of the year. This was, of course, a time of tectonic changes within the Beatles and in Paul’s life. 

When I came back after five months, Paul had changed so much. He was on LSD which I hadn’t shared. I was jealous of the spiritual experiences he’d had with John.

—Jane Asher, in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

It must have been extremely disorientating to come back to the tripping, summer-of-love, looking-for-the-Meaning Paul. But to their credit, they did try to get to know one another again; reconnect:

On Jane’s return from America, she and Paul made a last-ditch stand to consolidate their relationship. Jane, unusually, even accompanied Paul to a recording session on 20 July 1967 […] Two days after the session, Jane accompanied Paul to Greece with the other Beatles. In August Jane was with him on the trip to Bangor to be initiated by the Maharishi, and during the difficult days following Brian’s death she was clearly a great source of strength and comfort to him; someone familiar and safe he could trust and confide in; someone with all the attributes of a wife. They spent the first three weeks of December alone together in Paul’s remote Scottish farm­house and four days later, on Christmas Day, 1967, they announced to Paul’s family - perhaps slightly to their own surprise - their engagement.

— in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

Jane and Paul make a very loving and lovely couple. Everyone agrees on this. […] Paul and Jane have more time together, on their own, than probably the other Beatle couples. They do get away together, to places like their Scottish home, thanks to Jane. They were the first to want to move to the country for good, to a quieter smaller house, which John and George now also want to do.

—in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

When they got engaged, on Christmas Day 1967, all these problems were in the past. Maharishi, for a long time, was the only little point of difference, although it was all amicable. Jane didn’t fall for him when the others did, although she understood the attraction. She would obviously have preferred to try to reach a spiritual state on their own. Paul wasn’t as committed as George and John when he went with Jane to India in 1968, but he felt there was something there that would help him, that might answer his questions. So Jane agreed to go with him. 

— in Hunter Davies’ The Beatles (1968).

Suffice it to say, Paul didn’t get his answers. In fact, the reality he knew was about to crumble.

The summer of 1968 was a horrible storm of drugs, anxiety and heartbreak, where he had to take care of this budding enterprise while managing a band and losing both his partners. And I think Alistair Taylor’s descriptions of a completely wrecked Paul reflect all of that. 

It’s curious then how Paul recalls his reaction to the calling off of the engagement later:

I don’t remember [his and Jane’s eventual] breakup as being traumatic, really. I remember more one time when she was working at the Bristol Old Vic and she’d got a boyfriend in Bristol and was going to leave me for him. That was wildly traumatic, that was ‘Uhhhh!’ Total rejection! We got back together again but I had already gone through that when we eventually split up. It seemed it had to happen. It felt right.

— Paul McCartney, in Barry Miles’ Many Years From Now (1997).

They were eventually both at peace with the decision. Paul has expressed that he had an intuitive unconscious reticence over actually marrying Jane. And Jane herself had felt that they’d grown too much and apart as people. She surmises: 

“And I had four [wonderful years].

“No, it wasn’t love at first sight on my side. It was several months before I felt at all certain. And of course, I was young. Only seventeen. Inevitably, one changes. After all, Paul himself was only twenty when we met.

“I knew in my bones that the break must inevitably come a long time before it actually happened. Although we had this emotional thing for each other, we found it difficult to be really happy together.”

I remembered, then, the character in another play who had cried: “I am not offering you happiness, but love.” And I remembered, too, how that great J. L. Garvin had once told me when I was Jane’s age: “Everything in life makes either for happiness or experience.”

“And sometimes the experience is more important,” I suggested now.

She nodded as she got up to go.

“I long to improve as an actress and I hope what’s happened to me will make me understand more fully the characters I am asked to play. Anyway, I promise you, I wouldn’t not have had it happen. I mean, I am very, very grateful for those four years. And I am not going to look back in bitterness or anger, but only forward.

“People are such bores who make a drama out of their lost loves. In every case someone has to fall out of love first.”

—Jane Asher, interview w/ Godfrey Winn for The Australian Women’s Weekly: Girl with a broken love affair. (April 23rd, 1969)

So here’s my overview of Paul and Jane. 

I feel like their relationship was very genuine and organic, so much so that they eventually grew in different directions. But they were nevertheless very important and formative figures in each other’s lives. 

And it was personally very interesting for me to see this side of Paul too, the one whose needs are left unmet by a driven, work-oriented, independent partner, and how he reacted to that. 

Jane herself is an awesome woman in her own right, and I loved this chance to get to know her a little better.

As for love songs written from Paul to Jane, I would ask for the help of more well-informed fans! I’m sure many of the feelings expressed in his love songs were also inspired in part by his experiences with Jane. Is there one particular song out there which has been stated to be about her?

[cruzrogue]

F’M Smoak

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

————————————————————————

for fanfiction:

Prompt number: 5  “I might just kiss you.”

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity #Flommy

Thomas Merlyn/ Felicity Smoak

Rating:G

Warnings/Tags: Fluff (friendship)

F’M Smoak

Summary:

Goth Felicity can sing and it brings unwanted attention from a lacrosse player. In the midst of this she meets a charming college guy who she easily befriends.

As her sweetest song she’s singing right now has that quite different sound from the array of beats of the rest of her lyrical music. She loves this one as it is of a sweet innocence and it is gushy and a real love song but she plays it with such heartfelt gusto saying the chorus again and again as the song comes to an end.    

“I might just kiss you.”

The crowd cheering loudly for a favorite that seems to appear every so often with a local college band that play instruments for her to sing a few original songs. She’s taking in the audience. In the last few months it seems she been gathering a few followers. It’s cool and all but sometimes these fans kind of come on way to strong and she it takes her from her comfort zone. She’s glad the owner of at least this establishment keeps an eye on the rowdiness. Sometimes things escalate quickly and Felicity feels so out of her element trying to deal with overeager men.

Tonight, is no exception as she’s occupied on her last song of the night that she doesn’t see the lacrosse player she’s had to repeatedly decline slip back stage. The guy doesn’t take no very well. Last time he was extremely drunk and thought she’d do for some fun that night. Kicking him in the gonads wasn’t enough to get the point across that she truly isn’t interested in some guy who creeps her out. Its not like she didn’t express that she was underage and doesn’t even drink. Not that the bar would serve her anyhow. Thank goodness the bouncer threw the lacrosse player out before she’d have to call the police.

That night may be one night of many. So, her enthusiasm to keep rocking hasn’t been spoiled by a few bad apples. She likes to sing these darker songs that fit her young being alone temperament. She’s still a teenager and basically is all by herself in this world if she doesn’t count her mom who is thousands of miles away in Las Vegas. Being a kid and really having to rely on herself is got to be the biggest mood.

When she needed cash for a small project that has become a go to happy hobby of hers. She’s finds old computers and put them back together to create a library of computer power. It costs a lot of dough to refit with new components. Technology is not cheap.

Her roommate seriously told her to try stripping. That got Felicity to raise her eyebrows at the girl. First, she was underage and that didn’t seem to faze her roommate at all it only made Felicity become more withdrawn in that friendship. She isn’t going to become a stripper, she just wasn’t. Soon after she met a few guys at karaoke that had a falling out with their main singer and well after a few conversations they tried it out. She just wants to play short term while they find a new front for the group. She doubts this is what she’ll want long term anyhow.

Her edgy voice bringing the crowd to erupt to a chorus she humming out. It seems they love this particular song. She wrote it weeks ago when a college frat boy broke her heart. He didn’t literal break it with any misdeeds he broke it by telling her she wasn’t his type. His loss because he gave her a song that connected with loads of people. Raising her arm at the end and enjoying the audience clapping she just follows the guys downstairs where this cute college looking guy tells her how great the performance was.

“That was truly awesome.”

“Thanks. My bandmates really did amazing up there.”

“Yea, but your voice. It holds this melody that I really liked.”

She just smiles. Her bandmates already moving out of view. “Thanks again. I’m just going to go back there. I’m super parched.”

“I can get you a drink?”

“Sorry. No thanks. That nice of you…” Felicity gives him another sweet smile before adding, “and all.”

“Tommy. That’s my name.”

“Okay, thanks Tommy. I don’t want to keep you from your friends.” She looking at a few guys holding their thumbs up at him. It makes him sigh.

“Sorry, they are… were with me. Don’t let them get to you. They can be jerks.”

“Well then. You should than probably make better friends.” She winks and starts to leave but then turns to him. “Care to join me in a refreshing bottle of water?”

“Water huh? You’re to young to be alcoholic?” He then adds, “Or just too young?”

“I’m too young to drink.” She laughs as she goes to grab a drink that is left there for her when a hand grabs her wrist.

“Hey, baby miss me?”

“You? What are you doing here?” Felicity trying to wrestle her wrist away with no luck.

“Your voice is so angelic and how can I keep away when all I want is to take care of you babes?” He pushes her closer and her other arm shoots out helping her to keep her distance.

“How did you get backstage?”

Tommy taking in the quick happening scene when his mind took that this guy wasn’t someone she wanted to talk to.

“Hey, I don’t think the lady is interested.”

“Fuck off frat boy. I got this.”

That makes Tommy come closer. Felicity doesn’t want the new stranger to get involved any deeper. “Tommy, its okay. I can handle it.”

“You shouldn’t have to. If this creep is bothering you.” His voice a little higher that it gets the guys that are putting their instruments away off on the other side take notice. They are now on alarm and start to head to Felicity’s defense.

“Hey F’M do you know these guys?”

Felicity pulls her wrist again from the obvious stalker of a few weeks but his grip is tighter.

Tommy speaks out, “I just met her. Though this guy is physically not letting her go.”

“Hey man, let her go!” The four guys from the band are now just poised and looking at the jerk.

“This bitch wants me. We’ve gotten to know each other for awhile now. We are going. Right babe?” He gives her a very dark stare as if she doesn’t cooperate there will be hell to pay.

Felicity gazes at the player and for a split second thinks it be good to listen and no escalation of violence will take place if she just does as he asks. It when she turns her eyes towards Tommy and sees something. A way out. He there and his stance is of someone who will help and not cower but he is waiting on her decision. She nods to him. That nod only makes him rigid. His words now controlled as his deep voice leaves no room of doubt, “She isn’t leaving with you.”

Just before the lacrosse player can say a word the owner has made his appearance with a bouncer and he notices as he gives a look to the player and then looks him dead in the eyes. “I thought I told you to never come back? Get out!”

Felicity pulls hard and her wrist is free. Tommy takes a risk as he places his body between the jerk and the singer he really enjoyed tonight.

Years later…

Felicity walks as silently as she can towards where the door down to the foundry at Verdant. She stops when she hears a voice.

“You know, I knew I know your face from some place.”

Felicity whips around to look at Tommy Merlyn behind a bar. They haven’t really talked since that incident. It was so many years ago. So much has changed. Even the color of her hair is a different. No more Goth and she quite literally is the flipped coin of her youth.

“Hi Tommy. I didn’t see you there?”

“Another late night down stairs working on wiring issues?”

“Um… well.”

“Hmm Hm. You are a busy IT girl. Got to say Oliver really is working you overtime.”

“Well he asked nicely and…”

“I bet he did. I’m more interested in the whole transformation?”

“Transformation? You must be thinking of someone else?”

He laughs. “I could be. Though I think we both know you are the spitting image of F’M Smoak.” He sees she doesn’t say a word waiting on what he is going to say next. “Felicity Smoak what does M stand for?”

“My middle name Megan.”

“You gave up singing?”

She shrugs. “It brought out some weirdos and my passion is with technology.”

“You were good?”

“I think you are just being nice.”

He pulls a shirt from under the bar. Letting her see the name across the smoke’s emblem of her name. “I’ve held on to this shirt since seeing you for a third time. It was hard to go backstage because of the bouncers. Heard you were getting way too many eager fans.”

“Yea, side effect. It all died down after I took a work study program working with my main love.”

“Good for you. Though it be a shame if that voice never makes a debut again.”

“Tommy, let us keep this little story to ourselves. No one needs to know.”

“Fine, if that is what you really want. Verdant could use the talent.”

“Well Merlyn, maybe I could play a set on Halloween because that is the only time, I’ll wear a mask and even be something I’m not anymore.”

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“And I am deeply sorry that you got a black eye over me.”

“Oh yes, that dude threw a mean one.”

“He was a total ass and let’s just say that he’s still on the government watch list to this day.”

Tommy smiles. “Okay Smoak, guess you should go do whatever you’re supposed to be doing.” He winks at her as he turns around. “He is most likely downstairs being moody while wondering where you are.”

She shakes her head, “It isn’t like that.”

He doesn’t turn to look at her again, “Sure! If you say so. Goodnight.” He knows she still there as he lets out the last melody of a certain song, “I might just kiss you.”

He hears her whimsical laughter as she calls out “Night Tommy!”

When he hears the downstairs lock click, he turns to watch her go. Mumbling low, “Damn fool downstairs has no idea what a lucky prick he is.”

[unicornsandphoenix]

Blog Birthday??!!?!!?!?!

Helloooooo alll! So not only is today my wife’s birthday (I keep saying wife and I feel like someone is gonna believe it too much someday?), but also! It is my blog birthday!!!!! Fucking shit you guys! Happy birthday to this blog! Some cool facts about this blog:

1) Today, it is 1 year old (shit my dudes, it’s real)

2) It was started purely because I had a story that I wanted to post and I was tired of not reblogging fan content but only liking, so the side blog was created

3) There are so many instrumental people who went into creating this blog oh ho ho let me tell you about it under the cut, sorry to everyone who was tagged I went ham

4) This blog has grown to have more followers than I deserve

5) Has gotten me out of some pretty bad depressive episodes

6) Is my child that I want so very much to nurture

So just.... A very big thank you goes out to everyone seeing this. Because even in indirect ways, you have all affected me and shaped me in some way. So thank you, I love you all! (And of you were tagged, even if you don’t read on, please know you affected something about this blog in the biggest way possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3)

If you’d like, please read to see the complete history about my time on here, but if not, I hope your day is extra happy today! Because mine was! <3

So all in all, after I got to read a ton of fanfics online as a guest on AO3, I finally made my own account that held LITERALLY nothing but bookmarked fics that I really wanted to read. When this happened, I looked to tumblr for more Harry Potter content. Since then I have two fics that I have written for fests (1 and 2), dozens of drabbles and head cannons floating around tumblr  (under #phiawrites), written 10 fics on AO3, gained a thousand followers or so, and smiled so much more often.

About two years ago, I started actively seeking out blogs. The first every drarry blog I followed religiously, with notifications and everything, was @dorthyanndrarry. Her writing INSPIRED ME, and I would stalk her writing blog daily to see if there was new content to enjoy. Next was @l0vegl0wsinthedark, who not only blew me away with writing, but also with support. She was always so so so kind to everyone, and so excited, and her presence was exactly what I wanted to be as well. Of course, with love, I had to obsess over @bixgirl1 next, and obsess I DID. Sometimes I would get so overwhelmed with notifications, I had to turn them all off, but I would always make it a habit to go back and read their blogs later.

The next big big big step for me, was Jeni. I had followed @drarrymylove for a while, and Jeni wrote such amazing and beautiful drabbles for asks, even anon asks, and I was truly so inspired by them. I would send her asks with prompts, and to my utter delight and surprise, she wrote a few out!!!! They are still my favorites, and I still read them from time to time. About 13 months ago, she sent me a message after I left a comment on something of hers, and I grabbed on and held on to the convo like a life raft on open water.

Soon after, I created this blog on January 20th, 2018. I started reblogging like a wildfire, and I could not get enough.

Next, would definitely be staganddragon (not entirely sure if she wants her new blog to be separate now, so I will keep silent on her blog name). Emily wrote amazing songs, like songs I would listen to on repeat over and over and over and over. This was all around 12 months ago, a little after I started to talk with Jeni, and I got so so so inspired by the song Tuesday Morning, that I just HAD to write. I sat down, and in one five hour sitting, cranked out my first fic. Emily was super supportive, so was Jeni (who at this time didn’t know yet that I was this blog, she thought we were two separate people), and I was riding high.

Soon after, Jeni made a post, or said something, about how there should be more fairytales for drarry, and I quite agreed, and reblogged the post saying that if she wrote one for me, I would write one for her. She agreed, and tagged my other blog only to find out it was me all along, and I went into writing my next fic(s). Jeni gifted me The Nightingale, and I gifted her my cinderella AUs that Emily graciously beta-ed and grew to be more out of control than I thought. I was hooked.

After that, things happened fairly quickly for me. I started betaing, I joined the discord, I met so many amazing people through it (especially in the sprinting section), I wrote more, I responded more to content, I created content.

I met @morgendaemmerung89 who drew me this for one of my drabbles (that I still scream about constantly)

I met @gnarf who is an absolute gem, and inspired me so so much with the fact that she essentially TAUGHT HERSELF ENGLISH TO WRITE, and wrote such heart wrenching stories like Harry Potter’s Biggest Fan 

I wrote a birthday present for carpemermaidtales, and a present for @goldentruth813 (who also was so kind and inspiring as a writer and as a supporter with every single person she interacted with. Like... I was in awe. Still am most of the time)

I made friends with @snortinglaughter by telling her we were best friends anonymously and giving her clues as to who I was through anon before she found me (which kinda might be my MO but hey, here we are right?) because Gigi was the absolute best and I was obsessed with her blog as well as her writing such as this one

I was obsessed with @decanthrope‘s ability to say such bizarre things and weave a story out of a single sentence. There is also that way the fics were written so supremely well as well. Take a look

I don’t even remember how I became friends with Jess, @nifflers-n-nargles, but her writing is amazing and I can’t for the life of me tell you how happy I am that I did, as we are married on discord now with @hogwartsfirebolt (who is the sweetest and the loveliest and all around the best ok ok she writes like a dream) Gigi, and @slashfoxes (who had her birthday on my blogs birthday so of course we were destined to be, here is some of her hot stuff)

I talked to @mzuul a few times after I sent her anonymous love letters  through the ask box because her art literally makes my heart stop beating for a few seconds so I can take in how utterly amazing it is, and low key inspired me to try to draw a little on my own

I met @foularcadebanana, whom I love with all of my heart, and literally helped me through so fuckign much its not even funny. She was my biggest supporter over the summer with some fics of mine, and I can’t tell her enough how grateful I am for her. I wrote her this little thing here, and if you haven’t read her stuff, please fucking do here is her Big Bang (yes, she did do that kudos to her)

I met @violetclarity who is a gem of a human, and me in like 4 years I have decided, who writes magNIFICENTLY so please check her out

@xx-thedarklord-xx is literally a sweetheart (though she might try and deny it) and I am still shocked that she actually talks to me because she was a BIG name to me starting off, and I ADORED her blog so much, still do, and her writing skills I would literally kill for

@jadepresley talked to me after I left one too many screaming comment on her current fic (seen here), which is absolutely wild and boggles my mind every time it happens... we are best friends now though. NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT FROM ME

@jet-playin writes the funniest and hottest things, and honestly I loved every bit of our interactions

@assassinsdragons was one of the first blogs I noticed in my notes, and everything she had to say was so incredibly kind, and she writes now tooo!!!

@saintdrarry makes absolutely stunning artwork. I am still in awe looking at it, and you should be too. I am so impressed with this gal, let me tell you, she will go places, and I am so happy to be apart of her life

I really can’t tell you how much these people have affected my life and influenced it for the better. Of course, this isn’t everyone, not even close, but just know how thrilled I was to know all of you. Thank you so so so much.

[thenightling]

My problems with Avengers: Endgame

Someone on Youtube described Avengers: Endgame as being like The Emperor’s New Clothes.   The emperor was given clothes “so fine” that only the most enlightened and wise could appreciate / see them.   There were no clothes but no one wanted to be the one who didn’t “get” the fineness of the material.   Finally a child blurted out “He’s naked!” and that’s when people relaxed and admitted yes, the emperor was naked.    The way Avengers: Endgame is like The Emperor’s New Clothes is that no one seems willing to admit the film is flawed.   It really is flawed.   At least, I feel it is.  Here are my biggest complaints about Avengers: Endgame.

_____________  

1.   The Time travel.  Taking a dig at Back to The Future doesn’t suddenly make the Avengers version of Time Travel more sound.   The lore indicated in the film is that when you alter the past you create a deviated timeline (actually enter an alternate universe.  For each possible outcome of an event there is an alternate universe.)  But the film claims you won’t come back to that new timeline when you come back to the present, you come back to the original timeline where things went as they originally intended.   This contradicts everything Stephen Hawking has ever suggested in A brief History of Time.   It is more likely that you would be in the new alternate universe timeline and not the one you originally came from, going home to your original continuity would be exceedingly difficult.

But supposedly this is how time travel works in the MCU because that’s why Valkyrie is still there (the events of Thor: Ragnarok happened).  Yet those events did not happen in the timeline where Loki escapes with the Tesseract. 

This also heavily indicates that the Loki that had the most character growth is definitely dead (the directors said so) but the AU Loki that had no character growth after Avengers will get a TV show?

2.   Another problem I have with Endgame is they want to have their cake and eat it too.  Loki escapes so that’s a new Alternate Universe (AU) / Alternate timeline yet Cap goes back and he’s still in his original timeline so that they can see him as an old man- contradicting their own earlier statements about time travel and the multiverse.

3.  Cap should not have aged.  In the original comics Super Soldier serum greatly slows down or even stops aging.  Black Widow is a super soldier in the comics and actually in her 80s, not her twenties or thirties.   She just looks young.   Why did the films feel the need to nerf super soldier serum?   He could very easily have lived out a life with Peggy AND come back as youthful Cap to continue to be Captain America.  I am tired of powers being reduced by Marvel.  I look at things like DC’s Doom Patrol and most of the characters haven’t aged in decades.  Why is Marvel so afraid of things like that?  Come to think of it, I hate how Marvel downplays its supernatural side just so they can get that coveted Chinese release.  From Odin saying “We are not Gods!” to The Ancient One disappearing after her body dies...    Can you really imagine Blade and Dracula existing in this universe?  Yet they are supposed to.    I’ve lost faith in Marvel respecting its own Supernatural side ever since  The Darkhold (Marvel’s Necronomicon) was turned into “Alien tech” on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

4.    Valkyrie should not have been left ruler of what remains of Asgard.   My problem here is Valkyrie has not had the character development she needs to lead.  If she had her personality from the comics it would be one thing but when we meet her in the MCU she’s a slave trader who has delivered people to the arena to die all because of her own chip on her shoulder and resentment.  She never shows any remorse for this but she’s going to lead a people now?

5.   I don’t really like Thor “passing the torch” at all considering his entire story was teaching him how to be a good king.  I ultimately feel cheated in regard to the Thor films and their purpose that he’s just going to travel the stars now and leave his people to someone who hasn’t had the character development she needs to be a leader.

6.  Thor got fat after just five years for a cheap laugh... Do I really need to go into detail here?

7.    I have no problem with Sam eventually becoming Captain America but I feel they should not have skipped the step where Bucky becomes the next Captain America first (see the comics).   There are still Tony Stark fans out there who wish Tony had killed Bucky.  Fans who somehow do not grasp what it means to be under the mind control of another to such a degree that Bucky could not even make the choice of if he wanted milk or not.  He had no free will at all, he was literally a puppet.   And yet there has been no pause in the narrative for Bucky’s exoneration to be understood by those who still want Tony to kill him for something he had no control over after his mind was scrambled. In the comics Bucky went on trial for his crimes as Winter Soldier and it was Black Widow who presented video footage of the physical and mental torture, hypnosis, ect, used to destroy Bucky’s free will and personality and how miraculous it was that he recovered.   Even now many fans don’t get how innocent Bucky truly is because they haven’t seen the brain washing processes shown in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D or the comics. Bucky’s arc should have included his redemption and forgiveness for what ultimately was never truly his fault anyway, this (in the comics) reached its climax when he took up the mantle of Captain America.   Later in a different storyline when Steve’s Super Soldier Serum was removed from his blood stream (somehow causing rapid aging as being a Super Soldier in the comics greatly slows or even halts the aging process) that was when Sam became Captain America.    

I don’t mind Sam becoming Captain America but I wish Bucky’s story and redemption and acceptance by others had played out first.

 8.  I hate that they killed Black Widow.  I already felt like they were trying to overshadow the established female heroes with Captain Marvel and this did not help matters.  We gain a female hero so we have to lose one?  Is that how this works now?     

Also I found out the writers of Endgame “Had no idea” (Yeah, right) “a Black Widow movie was in the works” when they killed her off.   So is that an official “Oops, our bad.”?  Half the audience still doesn’t understand multiverse if they make the Black Widow movie an Alternate Universe.   And a good portion that does understand multiverse wouldn’t want to watch a film about a Black Widow that is not actually the one they were attached to, just the same actress.   And if they make it a prequel some don’t want that either.  They have already cripple the potential audience size for the Black Widow movie.  

9.    I hate the idea of the main continuity versions of Gamora and Black Widow souls being trapped for all eternity.   That’s not how this works in the comics and it’s unfair here that good people should be trapped for all eternity.   

10.  (Warning: This one is petty.) “I love you 3000″ is cute.  And I get the original source.  But this is a slight nitpick. Wouldn’t a child with Tony’s intellect be more likely to say “I love you, infinity”?  No, not for the film title, but because it means... well, endlessly.  Three thousand is actually quite limited, as any genius would know.  (I said this one was petty.)

11.  “Although I’d like to join the crowd in their enthusiastic cloud, try as I may it doesn’t last...” - Sally’s Song from Nightmare before Christmas.  Avengers: Endgame isn’t really bad but I do feel it is overrated and everyone wanted to like it so badly that I feel like many people are willfully ignoring the flaws because they are still riding the high that it has finally been released.

[kasey9395]

Hey! I just wanted to know how you felt about the decision to make the live version of Serendipity heavily choreographed? I've been thinking about it and I really feel like BigHit did Jimin dirty? The choreo is nice but seems more like its purpose is to be soft and make Jimin seem more endearing and charming. Like, it's trying to pander to hetero fangirls. Lie felt like it was telling a painful story and that any fanservice involved was secondary but Serendipity feels like the highlights of ...

PT2: the choreo are his body. I’m not a prude. Idk about how much skin he shows, it just seems like the company said ‘even though the song is gender neutral and arguably gender fluid, let’s make the stage version more masculine with fanservice because that’s what fans want. Fans care more about Jimin looking cool whilst dancing than they do him not struggling to give a good vocal performance. Thus, let’s use the same successful formula as Lie without the substance because… money.' 

PT3: I find that the reason why this is problematic is because Jimin cares about giving a good vocal performance. Doing all of this choreo doesn’t allow him to sing the song in a way that satisfies him and probably stresses him out. I feel like people always expect Jimin to dance and sing at the same time but how is he going to improve vocally or dance-wise if he is constantly being told to pander to other people whether he wants to or not? Him just standing and singing Serendipity would be …

PT4:… enough. He seems to struggle to sing and dance to serendipity and I feel like it was the more natural choice to make him sing it standing still or doing less rigorous choreo. Looking at the live version doesn’t seem genuine. People aren’t cheering for his singing but for the 'cool’ parts of the choreo where his shirt rides up and he’s humping the floor or when he smiles at the camera. Why does it have to be so stressful for him? Just let him sing well. I’m really sorry this was so long.

Hi! So, you brought up a lot of thoughts in your ask so I’m going to try to address them all. Firstly, I’m going to be honest, it’s never really crossed my mind whether or not Serendipity should have had choreo, simply because it’s Jimin’s song, Jimin is at heart, a dancer before anything else, and so, I would naturally expect his solo performance, much like Hobi’s, to be dance heavy. To that point, I don’t think it’s fair to say the creation of these performances are 100% BH’s input. It’s like saying Jimin had no choice or say in his own performance, which I don’t believe is true. Yoongi even said that for his performance of Seesaw, he wanted to try choreo for the first time. So they do have a say. And honestly, like I said, Jimin is a dancer before anything else. He is a performer. He loves that stage. He would have wanted choreo.

Secondly, about the choreo itself. Lie and Serendipity are 2 completely opposite songs which evoke 2 completely opposite emotions. You are right to say Lie’s choreo was painful…because the song is painful and dark and sad. Choreos for Jimin’s songs always have a touch of contemporary in them, which is a type of dance that mirrors a song’s emotional characteristic. So, just like with Lie, the choreo for Serendipity was no different. Serendipity is a happy, magical, ‘pretty’ song. It’s a love song. Therefore, the choreo would match those emotions. It was never meant to be painful and dramatic. It was rightfully meant to be soft and charming. In that respect, I don’t think it’s right to reduce it to pandering. In fact, if I was to make one criticism about the choreo, I actually thought it could have been done even ‘softer’. Some of the moves to me were too sharp and quick and didn’t match the gentle feel of the song. 

With respect to specific moves that seemingly cater to ‘fangirls’, I can actually only come up with 2 instances in that entire choreo that fit this description. One is the ‘grinding’ on the floor, which is literally one time and quite tame in comparison to what it can look like, and then the part where Jimin raises his shirt. This, for me, is purely Jimin’s choice. That shirt moves up in varying degrees depending on the performance. And if Jimin had a problem with it and was truly uncomfortable, he wouldn’t do it to that extent. Why do I say this? Look back at the 2 Rose Bowl performances of Fake Love. The first day, Jimin’s blouse was basically uncontrollable. He might as well have been shirtless. On the second day, what did he do? He wore an undershirt, clearly signalling that he was uncomfortable with the amount of exposure he had the previous night, and fixing to suit. So, if Jimin really didn’t want to do a move, he wouldn’t have. Also, let me just add this. Jimin knows, he KNOWS the magnetic and sensual aura he naturally evokes and it is second nature to him to play that up on stage when he so chooses. And, well…we can’t control what others react to and how they react. A gay guy would have the same reaction as a straight girl to those moves and that aura so don’t just limit the pandering if it’s considered to be pandering. And this reaction isn’t Jimin-specific either. Any of the boys will get that same reaction when they do similar moves. Case in point: Jungkook/Fake Love. 

Also, it isn’t fair to say that fans only react to his cool moves and don’t care about his singing. Firstly, in any given performance, as long as Jimin is dancing, that will captivate the audience first because Jimin is just that stunning and elegant a dancer. So you’d have to be a robot not to react to his dancing. Secondly, Serendipity isn’t a song with vocal acrobatics and WOW vocal moments so don’t expect the crowd to react that way to this song, no matter who is singing it. May I also point out though, his singing will get through to those who are mature enough to focus on that. Shawn Stockman from Boyz II Men didn’t rave about Jimin’s dancing now did he.

And now to Jimin’s vocals. Do I think he struggles to sing while doing the choreo? Yes. We agree there 100%. Do I wish he would be placed in situations where his vocals alone can shine sometimes? Absolutely. I have this nice, little fantasy of him performing Promise on a stage where it’s just him on a stool with a mike, and someone next to him strumming away on an acoustic guitar. Simple. Beautiful. But then again, that’s what I want. Me. It isn’t necessarily what he wants. We, as fans, can’t know what he wants unless he outright says it. And, unless I missed something, Jimin has never stated that he would rather just sit and sing Serendipity. He’s never stated that the choreo is too rigorous and he can’t hack it. It isn’t fair for us to state our opinions as his. 

Also, with this particular case, Jimin isn’t the only one doing choreo while singing. So please don’t try to, again, play the blame game and insinuate that BH somehow has a vendetta and is sabotaging Jimin. JK, Hobi and Tae all have choreo-heavy performances and they all have to deal with trying to sing on pitch and stably. I absolutely love Jimin and his voice, and he’s my co-bias with Yoongi, but even I will admit that out of the 4 vocalists, Jimin has the biggest problem with stability. And it isn’t the choreo. He stands perfectly still during Truth Untold, and his pitch is sometimes off in that performance too. So he just has to keep working to improve like I know he always is. In my opinion, I think the problem lies in the songs. Now I’m absolutely no expert, but sometimes I feel like the song comes in at too high a register for him to comfortable sing. Just look at Promise. Just hearing that song makes me realize just how absolutely gorgeous Jimin’s tone is because he sounds so comfortable singing in that register. His voice is so beautiful and unique. And stable!

This was pretty long. I hope you found answers somewhere in there. The general take away from this is that it isn’t fair to try to place blame for a situation that we, as fans, don’t necessarily like. Is Jimin’s Serendipity performance 100% perfect and without flaw? No. But it is still beautiful and captivating nonetheless. We as fans don’t need to dissect his shortcomings and analyze why then throw blame at the easiest target. Jimin, by nature as a perfectionist, will always find fault in himself and his performance (even when it’s seemingly perfect), and therefore will always push himself which might seem to us as him being under stress. I should know. I share that trait with him. But that is on him. No one else. And I have seen signs lately that he has begun to be less tough on himself. So, in the end, I would say to you, don’t fret too much. Jimin knows his vocals need work and I am 100% sure he’s always working on it. In the end though, however he performs on any stage will always be a performance that 100% captivates his audience. 

[rainbowglittr]

Senior Year Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Cause baby now we got bad blood

You know we used to be mad love

So take a look what you've done

Cause baby now we got bad blood.............

Kiara, Robyn and I walked into the gym. Robyn's mom dropped us off. We got ready together, Robyn in her shimmery green dress, Kiara in ocean blue, and me in a sparkly sliver and black dress. We were speechless-it didn't even look like the gym, it was amazing. The whole place was dark and had glow sticks and black and strobe lights all around. It looked like a glow in the dark club. People were dancing and laughing to the music. We looked around for the rest of our friends and found them front and center right by the Dj. The music was blasting to the point where I could feel it vibrating through my chest.

"Hey! You look great!" We exchanged compliments and talked about the decorations. Then a couple walked up to us. Tyler kept it simple with a nice black top and tie. I mean he looked great in black, Mariah, had a long flowy white dress with gold accents. Her hair was in a Hollywood updo. She was a little overdone for home coming but she looked good.

"Hey guys, did we miss anything?" Said Tyler.

"Nah, party just got started. You guys look good!" Said Jesse. Now I'm like 99% sure they coordinated their outfits, cause Jesse was wearing practically the same thing as Tyler except his tie was blue instead of red. Everyone was kind of chilling and talking, but when the Dj started playing "Single Ladies"by Beyonće everyone got up and when I say everyone I mean EVERYONE, rushed to the dance floor. Everyone was jumping and moving and shaking and (unfortunately, that may or may not have included Mariah), twerking. Song after song we were laughing, dancing, and watching the already tipsy people, and the people who couldn't save it for the bedroom. Soon Robyn got dragged away by Kyle, go figure. Jesse and Kiara got pulled away by some friends and soon enough it was just me, Tyler, and Mariah. Surprisingly we were having fun and dancing together. I gave them space so that I wasn't third wheeling and saw and danced with some other friends I happened to see. She didn't try to pull any stunts, I mean she could have done A LOT less of twerking on Tyler but I wasn't surprised. Mariah even complimented my dress, and my make-up which was shocking, I guess she really was trying to be nice. I felt weird once a slower song came on, so I just moved away to give them space. I had to admit they were a really cute couple, and even though Mariah can piss me off, she makes Tyler happy; so I guess that's all that really matters. I started scanning the crowd for my friends. No luck. It was too dark to see anyone. When I turned around again the music sped up a bit and Tyler said he'd come back with some drinks for us.

"You guys looked really cute over there." I said to Mariah as we stood to the side looking over the crowd.

"Shut the fuck up, Jaleia. We are NOT even anything close to being friends." Mariah sneered. I was actually taken aback by her comment. What the hell happened to being nice???

"What? Are you okay?"

"You fucking heard me. Don't even bother acting like we're friends, I'm only being nice because Tyler told me I had to."

"I have to admit you are quite the actress. But you won't be able to fool anyone much longer. A fake ho will always reveal her true colors."

"Maybe if someone found you even slightly attractive you wouldn't be third wheeling with me and my boyfriend, who I know you want but you're too much of an fucking ugly disgusting worthless bitch for him to even think about wanting you. He will never choose you over me no matter how long you've been friends. When you're done acting like a thirsty slut maybe someone will want you. So please fuck off cause you'll never have him. You only wish you could compete with me, dog face. Tyler and everyone else don't give two shits about you. But You look so pretty tonight." Mariah smiled at me and flipped her hair. I was so pissed. I know I shouldn't have let her get to me, I know but I just wanted to rip her ugly stupid head off. So I did the next best thing to that. I pushed her flat on her ass and was thinking about  slapping the concealer off her face.

"You have got to be the biggest bitch on the planet. I can't wait for Tyler to dump your ass. You're nothing but an unhappy bitch and that's all you will ever be. Fuck you!" Before I could even continue my tirade or hit her I was being lifted away from her by no other than Tyler himself.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? That's my fucking girlfriend! I thought that you would actually appreciate her being extra nice. I tried so hard not to believe what everyone has been saying but you? I swear you're such a bitch sometimes! I don't even know why I bothered!" he screamed at me once we were away from the crowd. Me and Tyler have had some really bad, horrible, fights before but he's never ever called me a bitch. Ever. I was beyond pissed.

"Me? You're mad at me? You didn't ever hear what she was saying to me. You don't even know all the things she's said behind your back! She's the bitch! I was trying to be nice but-"

"Oh please Jaleia, I heard her complement you, and you attacked her for no reason! I tried to defend you. I told everyone that we were just friends, that you weren't like that. I even told her she had to be nice to you because you were important to me. I didn't think that you were that jealous that you can't even control your fucking self!"

"What the does that even mean? I didn't do anything wrong! You can watch the way your speaking to me! And what the hell is "everyone" saying?"

"Since you want to know, everyone thinks you're jealous of Mariah. That you'd try and steal me from from her, and that you're a ho. And I have to say I agree with them. You're jealous! You always have been whenever I had a girlfriend, you've always acted ridiculous. You're threatened and jealous of Mariah. You just proved that."

"I'm the ho? Check your fucking girlfriend! You have your head so far up your ass you can't even see it! SHE'S A TOTAL BITCH! See how she'll do you when the shit hits the fan. Does our friendship mean nothing to you? I'm not jealous. I just know she's not good for you. You know I'm not like that. You know. I ONLY WANTED THE BEST FOR YOU! Don't flatter yourself." By now I was in RAGE MODE.

"You know what Jaleia, I don't know. But what I do know is that I've had enough. I'm done with you not being able to respect my girlfriend. I'm tired of your stupid unfounded theories about her. I'm just sick of you! One minute you support our relationship the next minute you're fighting my girlfriend? I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to see you anymore, or talk to you or anything, I'm just through with you. I don't want anything to do with you. I'm so done Jaleia." He said walking away.

"Tyler-"

"Tyler what? What Jaleia what? There's nothing you can say or do to change my mind. Stay the fuck away from me and stay the fuck away from Mariah. Just fuck off." he turned away from me.

"Ty-"

"FUCK YOU! I'M DONE!" He screamed at me. He pinched the bridge of his nose just like He always does when he's stressed. "I wish it could be different but I just can't take the drama. I have to find my girlfriend now." He turned and walked away.

"Fuck you too Tyler." I said watching him walk away.

I just stood there, tears of anger falling down my face as I saw him walk away. What the hell just happened? How could he? I'm not the problem, I didn't do anything. I understand I probably shouldn't have pushed her but that bitch was fine and an extremely good faker. I just wanted to go home and forget that I just lost my best friend. I moved through the crowd looking for one of my friends but I didn't find anyone. Where the fuck was everyone? The gym wasn't that big. I walked over to where the food was, out in the hallway. I saw Robyn next to Kyle and his girlfriend who were arguing. That's literally all they ever seemed to do. I walked over to talk to Robyn when I heard his girlfriend Dana say

"I'm so fucking sick of you!" and threw a cup of punch at him but of course it doesn't land on Kyle. Guess who it lands all over...Me. My hair, face, and dress all had gotten wet with the red juice.

"You've gotta be kidding me! Of all fucking nights? Seriously?" I groaned in pure frustration. By then Kyle and his girlfriend had already stormed off.

"I am so sorry. Here's some tissues." Robyn said to me. I started to wipe myself down.

"You won't believe what just happened. Me and Tyler just got into a fight." I told her.

"Aww, I'll be right back I have to check on Kyle."

"Robyn! Seriously, I need you."

"You know how he is when he's pissed. I can't leave him alone right now! I'll be right back, I'm just checking on him."

She hurried off after him. That's great though. I get abandoned by two of my best friends and I can't find anyone else. So I walk back to the gym and sit down on the bleachers and start playing on my phone but my mind is not even there. I'm supposed to be laughing and dancing and having a great time, not covered in someone else's drink after my best friend basically says I'm not worth shit anymore. I really can't believe he took her side. Do I really mean that little to him that he can throw away our friendship just like that? Really? Is that really what everyone thinks? That I'm a jealous slut? I put my head down in my lap trying to control the tears. I'm more angry and pissed off than sad. After my birthday went so well? Mariah has a LOT of karma coming to her. And just like her karma's a bitch. A couple minutes later I feel a hand on my back.

"Jaleia." I look up to see Jesse sitting down next to me.

"Hi." I put my head back down.

"Hey, hey, hey don't do that. I wanna talk to you"

"I swear you must be the only person who does."

"Come on, I don't wanna talk to your hair, I wanna talk to your beautiful face."

"Oh please I'm ugly as shit right now don't even bother. I look like a hot fucking mess and I know it so there's no point in lying about it."

"Fine," he sighed "Can I see your face now? Please?" I looked up at him.

"Happy? And if you're here to talk about what happened then you can go back cause I don't want to talk about it." I told him.

"I'm not going to ask you that because I know you'll tell me when you want to, if you want to, and plus Tyler kinda already told me. But what I am gonna ask is will you dance with me?" He stood up and held his hand out.

"Jesse, thanks but it's been a really horrible night. I just wanna sit here and chill."

"Oh no you don't, sulking is not going to help you feel better. I'm going to ask you to dance because there's still an hour left to this dance and I want to have a good time. So I'm going to ask again. May I have this dance?" he asked holding out his hand.

"I'm also not going to take no for an answer." I put my hand In his and said

"Yes."

He lead me to the back of the dance floor. She will be loved by Maroon 5 was playing. He put his hand on my waist and I put my head on his shoulder. And we moved back and forth gently rocking to the song. Jesse sang softly in my ear along to the song.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies

It's compromise that moves us along, yeah

My heart is full and my door's always open

You come anytime you want, yeah.

I don't mind spending every day

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

I know where you hide alone in your car

Know all of the things that make you who you are

I know that goodbye means nothing at all

Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Yeah

Tap on my window knock on my door

I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending every day

Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh.

Look for the girl with the broken smile

Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

And she will be loved

[softly:]

I don't mind spending every day

Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

"You have such a beautiful voice." I said, looking up at him as the song ended.

"Thank you," he smiled, "But where do you think you're going?"

"The song is over."

"So? If you think you're going somewhere else after it took me five hours to get you to dance with me you have another thing coming." I smiled.

"I do?"

"Hell yeah you do! Come on we're gonna have a good tine. We're gonna dance and look like idiots but we doing it together, right?" he held out his hand again. I smiled and took it and he pulled me to the rest of the crowd. As we danced he kept his hands on my waist. There was some club dancing, some salsa dancing and some awkwardly idiotic dancing. We laughed and danced and I honestly forgot about everything that happened earlier. I ditched my heels a while ago. So I actually was groaning with the rest of everyone when they turned the lights on. The only sucky part of the night was when Tyler and Mariah won homecoming king and queen. But I went to the bathroom so that I didn't have to see them get crowned.

"Look at you. No one told me how turnt up you get when you dance. I told you we we're gonna have fun."

"I know and thank you for making me get up even though I was being difficult cause I actually shockingly had a fun time. Minus the obviously sucky part."

"Your welcome. Do you have a ride home?"

"Yes I actually have to go find Robyn and Kiara cause we're supposed to leave together."

"Okay, be safe. You know I'm always there if you want to talk. Good night." he took my hand and kissed it.

"Thank you and, trust me I'll want to talk. Good night." I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I went to find my friends.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #272

“i don’t care what you have to say - it makes no difference / it’s all because of you, we’re fuckin’ infamous.”

How many children are in your family? I have a big extended family, so uh... and what is the age cutoff for "children?" My simplest answer is three, that being my older sister's kids, but I do have a half-sister with some young-ish children, but I know none of them. Oh, and my other half-sister has kids too, but again, they're not that young, and the youngest son I've never met. What is something you and your parents used to argue over often? Money. What was your first word? "Dada." A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? Arby's is fucking disgusting. Give me a song that is underestimated/not well known. Probably like half of Otep's songs. "Lords of War" comes to mind first. Which one of your friends knows everything about you? Sara knows the most. Who is your favorite teacher that you have this year? N/A Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? No, I don't have that kind of patience. Like I've fiddled with 'em before if they're right at my disposal and I'm just sitting and waiting or something, but I've never gotten far. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? It depends on what I'm talking about, but probably Sara. Or Mom, idk. Do you have a favorite metal band or do you not like metal? Ozzy, of course. Metal is my favorite genre. Are you talking to anyone right now? No. What’s your favorite kind of science? Genetics. Do you walk home or take a bus? From school? Well I'm not in school anymore, but for almost the entire time I was, my mom drove me and picked me up. I only took a bus for some of Jason's junior and all of his senior year to his house afterwards. Who did you last go to the movies with? My dad, I think. If you could see anyone (dead or alive) in concert, who would you pick? I'd probably choose Metallica so long as my mom could come. She laughed/cried hysterically when she found out they were finally coming here I think two years ago, but we couldn't go. She fucking adores Metallica, maybe more than I do Ozzy. She's always said that she only needs three things in life: God, her babies, and Metallica. Who’s the cutest person you know? Define "cute." The cutest fucking thing I have EVER seen was Sara when we went to a reptile expo together; she was a kid in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. I could not stop smiling at her, jc. "Cute" as in who I feel most fits the traditional definition, my old friend Alon. I think I'll always answer "Alon" to questions like this lmao. How about the funniest? GIRT. Oh my FUCKING god, Girt. I've had my biggest and most frequent laughs with that guy. Have you ever had acne? I sure did going through puberty. It wasn't the worst in the world, but I definitely had it. Where is your biggest scar located? I think the scar from my surgery, but I can't see it so I can't *really* tell? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is to figure out where that's at, oof. Where did your last hug take place? A hotel room. Recently, Mom, my sisters, and I saw my grandmother for probably the last time. She was with her husband and Mom's brother passing through. She's quit chemo for pancreatic cancer as now it's just become unbearable, and it's obvious she doesn't have much time left. It was... weird, seeing her in such a skin-and-bone, very frail state. We've had a rocky relationship, but I'm going to miss her regardless. What is your current desktop picture? My favorite picture of Teddy. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell "bananas?" HA HA yes! Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? I love how healthy my hair is, but I'm definitely not a fan of how quickly it becomes oily. And I wish it knew how to hold some damn dye. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Not personally, but yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? First I took Latin, but I SUCKED at it, and then I took German for four semesters and loved it. If your cell phone broke, would your parents make you pay for a new one? No, considering I don't have a source of income. Are your parents still married? No. Are you in a monogamous relationship? Not currently, but I'd only go into one that's monogamous. Have you ever met your favorite band? No. Have you ever drawn on someone's face while they were sleeping? No, I'm not an asshole. Have you ever fallen down a hill? No, but I've certainly rolled down them as a kid. Would you scuba dive in shark-infested waters if you had the chance? I hate the term "shark-infested." It's where they live. But anyway, I don't think I'd swim with sharks, but maybe. What is your favorite slow song? BRO idk there's so many. Do you believe in karma? No. If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? It would depend on their demeanor. If your best friend died, would you be able to speak at their funeral? I'd sure as hell want to, but I'd have a hard time getting through it. Are your pets asleep? Roman is probably snoozing by the window in the living room, and Venus probably is, given she's nocturnal. Have you ever wished you were an only child? No. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? As a kid I got in huge trouble for smacking my sister before. As an adult I haven't. What is your current favorite song? I'm pretty obsessed with NateWantsToBattle's cover of "Feel Good Inc." Is there something you do on a regular basis, that you don’t enjoy doing? Why? The person I copied this from answered "shower" and big same. Like of course I do it, but boy do I hate it. It's a chore to me and especially when I'm depressed, I'll put it off. Have you ever felt jealous of anyone else’s success? Yes. When it comes to success, I can be very envious. Never in a hateful way/wishing the person wasn't where they were at, but nevertheless, still envious. Who did you last speak to in person? Mom. Have you ever had a one-night stand? If you have, did you regret it afterwards? Never had one, don't plan to. Have you ever done something that you said you’d NEVER do? Yes. What was the last thing you asked for help with? Who did you go to for help? Uhhh... probably something from Mom, though I don't remember what. I've avoided that since she's recovering from surgery. Who was the last person to text you? Sara! If your significant other had several other sexual partners before you, how much would that bother you? Would you worry about being compared to the others? How many previous sexual partners do you think is acceptable? If they were serious relationships genuinely based on love, it wouldn't - to a degree. I have to be honest with myself and say like if my s/o had a large number of past sexual partners at our age, I'd be wary about their loyalty and dedication to one person. Idk what I'd consider "too many" exactly. For me, maybe like... six? Who was the last person of the opposite sex to send you a message on Facebook? What if you had a baby with that person? My friend Ian, and whoa buddy, we're just above acquaintances. How many people of your preferred sex have hurt you? Just one seriously. Have your friends ever talked to you about the forms of contraception they use? What form of contraception do you prefer? It's been casually mentioned, sure. I'm not sexually active so don't take any right now, but if I was, I'd be on birth control and demand condom usage because FUCK the chances of getting pregnant. If you told your parents that you were going to be a parent, how do you think they would react? I think they'd both be terrified for me. I have NO business raising a kid when I'm barely a proper adult. They'd also be confused as fuck about who the dad would be. You find out that the person you love/like is having a child with someone else. What do you say? If I found out somehow that Jason was going to be a dad, I can 100% GUARANTEE you I would faint, vomit, and have an emotional breakdown. Literally all three. I wouldn't be able to "say" anything. If I found out Sara was, I'd be pretty speechless and beyond terrified for her. When was the last time you said something and thought “Why the hell did I say that?” What exactly did you say, and who did you say it to? How did the person react? Hm. It's funny, I'm both very impulsive with what I can say if I'm upset or angry, but otherwise I seriously think twice about what's coming out of my mouth. I can't remember the last time the former happened. NO WAIT. So my chronic nightmares/terrors, right? A few days ago I woke up from one growling, "I'll break your fucking neck too, bitch," and it was to my very own mother, as she was choking me for some reason I don't remember. I was disgusted when I woke up. In these nightmares, I am SO much more aggressive than I actually am and it really scares me. It's gotten to the point that I'm genuinely scared of what I may be capable of. Who was the last person outside of family that told you they loved you? Sara. What song reminds you of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? My first real one, holy fucking shit, a lot. For where we currently stand, "Another Life" by Motionless In White haunts me. Not only is it his favorite band, but the lyrics just scream him and me. It's one of those that sometimes makes me tear up. I hate that I love that song. Outside of family, who were the last three girls you talked to? Sara, Summer, and Chelsea, I think. Outside of family, who were the last three guys you talked to? Uhhh Ian, my grandma's husband (he's not my actual grampa), and my sister's husband, probably, or nephew. Who is/was your strictest teacher in school? Mrs. P-something in 7th grade. I didn't not like her, she was just very strict. Have you ever felt so ill that you literally didn’t know what to do? Oh yeah, emotionally at least. At your part of the world, is it summer now? Yes, ew. What’s the warmest it can get over there? How about the coldest? Around 110*F; coldest, around... sub-20*F on rare days. Is there a bad habit you’re trying to break right now? I need to lay off the soda. Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your home town? FUCK no. Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy? Nope. Have you ever made jewelry? The kiddy kinds with beads and stuff, yeah. Which app do you use the most on your phone? Umm Facebook or Dragons of Atlantis. Did you learn to play an instrument as a kid? If so, which one? In elementary school, we all learned the recorder. From middle school to my junior high school year, I played the flute. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? I don't even know anymore. If you learned that you suddenly needed an aid of some sort to do something that you normally don’t need (glasses, hearing aid, etc.) Would you comply or would you put it off until there was no choice anymore? It would definitely depend on the issue and its severity. What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? Please tell me it's not just the South that says "it's colder than a witch's titty" lmao. Do you read any web comics? No. Which social media platform do you use the most, if any? Facebook. Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? Does anyone remember "Four Square?" I don't even remember the rules, but my friends and I played it all the time. Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? No, not that I need one honestly. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? I’ve told the story of my pebble from my partial hospitalization program many times. Besides that, something really random? Uhhh. There’s probably something, seeing as a lot of the things I keep mean something deep to me, but I don’t know about another truly strange one. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Usually. Do you have a wall calendar? In the kitchen. Have you ever been to Canada? No, but totally serious, I want to move there. I just realistically won’t because I don’t want to leave my family. Do you believe in superstitions? Nope. When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? I’ve never been in a taxi. Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? Hell no. How old is the person you last kissed? 22. What was the most embarrassing thing you've had to buy? Nothing. Have you ever mistaken a person's gender? Yes. What was the most expensive thing you've broken? I don’t know. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes, but thankfully it wasn’t severe. Can you focus well in high-stress situations? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK NO. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? Yes. I think I’ve shared before that in 9th grade, my teacher like deadass stopped her lecture just to point that out lmaoo. Is there anyone you dread going into public with? Not generally. It can sometimes happen with Dad just because he’s brutally honest and doesn’t have a filter, but it’s more like a discomfort than dread. Are you easily frightened? It depends on the situation. In most instances, yes. Do you have a favorite model? No. What's your current facebook display picture of? It’s just a headshot of me with my skull necklace and a tank top. Is there anyone whose hair you envy? Peoples’ whose actually hold color. >_> Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? No, I’m the shy one. Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? Yes. Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I have one, and I know a few other people who do. Do you listen to Daughtry? Not really, except “No Surprise.” Do you get your eyebrows waxed? Not anymore. Is there a pet that you desperately want? A tarantula, preferably a Brazilian Black. I’ve gotten soooo into tarantulas, but it’s a “hell no” from Mom about having one in her house. Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? No. My stomach isn’t “pretty” and I know it sure wouldn’t look flattering. Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? I wish I could say yes. Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? No. I didn’t have the patience for that as a kid. All we really made out of snow were snowmen and balls to throw. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? Proportions. Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? I don’t believe so. Is there a garbage can in the room you’re currently in? No. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Who was the last person you apologized to? Mom, probably. Do you throw things when you’re frustrated? No. People who throw shit scare me. Do you prefer sharks or dolphins? Dolphins. Before meerkats, they were my favorite animal. What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? Purchased, I don’t know. A lot of what we have now is second-hand. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? No one has said either. When was the last time you went to a bar? Never. What three things would you change about your life? Number one, be mentally stable. Two, my body. Three, be financially stable. Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? There was an ice storm that Dad had to drive through lmao. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? Man, idk. I don’t talk a lot to begin with. What is the next book you are going to read? Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret should come in the mail today!! :’) Describe the hardest decision you have ever made. I had to choose to either let Jason go or keep him in my heart until it killed me/I killed myself. I can almost 100% absolutely promise you if my life was continued how it was in 2016, I would NOOOOOOOT still be here. I think it’s pretty clear by now some scars are buried too deep to heal, seeing as he is literally faintly on my mind every day, but at least I know how to be happy without someone who didn’t believe in my strength. Why did you last see the doctor? I thought I broke my foot. Turns out I just tore a ligament, but badly. I think it’s been… one and half-two months and it’s only JUST starting to feel truly better. Day one, I couldn’t even walk. Days after, I had to have help. Then for weeks it was nothing but walking at a snail’s pace on the side of my foot. I’m so surprised it wasn’t broken. Post a recent picture of yourself. WOW what timing considering I took a picture yesterday, and I barely ever take any. I EVEN PUT MAKEUP ON!!!