#i am obsessed with these guys on Halloween i wish i could write a full fic about it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bitches-who-write · 3 years ago

Note

you guys said in other posts that Henry and Patrick likes to scare. can you write a story on a reader whose naturally jumpy and scares way to easily. maybe a story about what they do to her? if you can make it reaally scary and teasy I like that. your guys writing is out of this world. thanx

Your wish is our command!

Scaredy Cat

Description: Reader is easily scareable/jumpy. Henry and Patrick take full advantage of this. Featuring Belch & Vic (Spinoff of our haunted house fic)

Word Count: 2,979

Warning: Suspense, Terror, Foul language,

We hope you enjoy this story as much as we enjoyed writing it. It’s our longest post yet so we’re feeling proud!! It definitely brings on Halloween Vibes for those of you who are as obsessed about Halloween as we are!

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Everyone knows Eddie Kaspbrak is a nervous kid but Y/N, Eddie’s sister is even more of a scaredy-cat. Henry and Patrick could smell your fear a mile away. It’s the day before Halloween and the town of Derry is celebrating their annual haunted house attraction. Typically the last walk-through is at midnight, but Henry and Patrick have an alternative plan for their easily scareable victim.

It’s the middle of the afternoon and all anyone at school can talk about is how terrifying the haunted house attraction is going to be. I sit at an empty cafeteria table alone working on my history homework when suddenly I feel a hand grab my shoulder. I practically jump out of my skin, already feeling on edge from all the Halloween talk. I abruptly turn around to face whoever is behind me. To my surprise, it is Patrick Hockstetter and Henry Bowers. I shiver feeling the mixture of Patrick’s cool metal rings and callused hands slide down my arm, gently caressing my sides. I try to lean forward to escape his unwanted embrace, both of them still snickering from my startled reaction. “Holy shit dude, you weren’t kidding she is worse than her wimpy brother.” Henry chortled. I look up at them with a confused expression which only makes Patrick look even more satisfied. “That's right Y/N, I’ve been watching you...studying you....taking a few notes.” Patrick takes a dramatic pause, grinning before continuing; “ I’ve learned a lot of interesting things about you. Like what your fears and phobias are, and what scares you the most- which is a lot coming from you.” Henry chimes in “We noticed the way you glance over your shoulder when you’re all alone, and how you quickly turn on a light when you get home so you’re not in the dark for long.” My eyes widen in shock, realizing they’ve been stalking me without me even knowing it. I finally mustered up the courage to speak but unfortunately for me, my voice dripping from uncertainty and apprehension; “What do you guys want?” With a playful smirk, Henry grabs a chair and turns it so the back of the chair is facing me, resting his arms over it as he sits down. Patrick takes a seat directly next to me but slings his arm around my side, trapping me against him and the table. Henry, never breaking eye contact, finally speaks up first. He licks his lips before leaning in close, his voice full of malice, “We just want to spend time with you. Be ready by midnight we’re picking you up.” They both begin to stand up and walk away but Patrick slowly turns back towards me, “Oh and Y/N... that’s an order.” With that, they both exit the cafeteria leaving me trembling in fear.

I anxiously get ready knowing they will be here in another 10 minutes. I told my mother I was spending the night at a friend's house. Eddie had already gone to his sleepover at Richie’s house so I couldn’t even warn him about my whereabouts for the night. As I finish getting ready, I can’t shake the uneasy feeling that I’m being watched. I chalk the feeling off thinking I’m just being paranoid at this point. I walk into my closet to grab a jacket. When I reach for the pull string to turn on the light, of course, the lightbulb is dead- just my luck. I begin to slide each jacket down the rack trying to find the one I want when suddenly something-or someone grabs my wrist causing me to scream in terror. I pulled my wrist back with such force that I stumbled backwards falling on my ass. I try to scoot back to get away from whoever is now slowly approaching me. The tall dark figure slowly emerges from the dark closet, stepping into the light of my bedroom. My eyes widened in both panic and shock seeing Patrick standing there with an eerie smirk plastered on his face. In a mocking tone he says “You ready princess? It's time to go.” Still sitting on the floor with my back up against my bed, I then feel someone squeeze my sides from under the bed. I let out another blood-curdling scream as I jolt forward frantically crawling towards Patrick now, not knowing where to go anymore. I distinctly hear Henry’s laugh from under the bed sounding satisfied that his little prank was successful. “Fuck, it’s a good thing your mom is such a heavy sleeper.” He says in an arrogant tone. Patrick flashes him a knowing smirk adding to Henry’s observation. “Yeaaah. I’m sure those pills probably helped, too.” This made both guys laugh hysterically. “What?! What did you do to my mother?!” I ask in utter disbelief and confusion. “Ohh calm the fuck down, she’ll be fine she’s just having a good...rest.” Patrick says now guiding me by my shoulder towards the door to leave the house now.

We walk out to a blue car sitting outside the front of my house; Belch in the driver seat, chuckling. After about a 15 minute drive, we finally arrived at our destination. I had no clue where these two psychos were even taking me up until now. I look up and see a nightmarish haunted house attraction. However, for a place that is so popular in Derry, especially the night before Halloween- not a soul is around. I hesitantly step out of the car; Belch giving me a big taunting smile from his place in the car. “Good luck, Y/N” and with that, he sped off.

I try my best to be brave but my facial expression and voice says otherwise. My eyes nervously look around taking in the scenery, the palms of my hands are sweaty, and I feel a lump in my throat as I try to swallow. “W-W-Where is e-everyone? Why is n-n-nobody here?” I instantly begin to blush as they laugh at my shaky, nervous voice. Patrick’s smirk begins to grow into a wider smile as he becomes giddy in excitement, unable to stand still in one place. He jumps in front of me, facing my direction as he holds my shoulders. I glance over at Henry who is looking over at us with a knowing smirk. “That is the best part...you’re gonna love it Y/N; It’s gonna be a scream!” I continue to feel uneasy since Patrick still hasn’t answered my question about why no one else is here. Finally, Henry speaks up. “Let’s just say the Bower’s gang gets special treatment when it comes to getting what we want. Now we have the whole place to ourselves.” My stomach sinks realizing they probably terrorized the poor workers into closing the attractions. Patrick grabs my hand forcefully pulling me into the makeshift haunted house building. I tried to dig my heels into the ground to stop us but that obviously didn’t work as he is much stronger and taller than myself. Even if it did work, Henry would be right there to catch me so there is no use in trying to escape them.

Henry takes the lead opening the black curtain into the house, revealing a long dark corridor. The only light source illuminating the path was from the moonlight. I look up at Patrick who is on my left side. With pleading eyes I begin to mouth the words ‘no’ over and over again at him. He just smirks and shoves me forward. I clutch onto Patrick's arm as the three of us venture down to the first room...a Medical Experimentation Chamber.

As I walk into the room I frantically begin to look around at my surroundings. The room is dimly lit yet there are disorienting strobe lights flickering, blinding me. I squint my eyes to focus on my surroundings better. It looks like there's a lot of twists and turns ahead. I see medical tables equipped with thick straps and buckles for restraints. Alongside these tables is medical equipment that looks dented and rusty...or is that blood?. In addition to the visual distractions, there are deafly loud sound effects of patients screaming and the sounds of surgical tools being played on a loop. I was so distracted by my surroundings that I didn't notice Patrick trailing behind me. He proceeds to pick me up from behind and lays me down onto the medical table. Henry walks over and holds me by my arms and legs so Patrick can strap me in. They both back away from me laughing as I see someone enter the room. The man that walked in was dressed as a surgeon in all white, I could see he was covered in blood. My eyes widen in hysteria as I notice his facial features. His eyes were very sinister, his nose looked as if it was broken with a gashed cut on the bridge of his nose with a jagged hack job of stitches. My eyes began to fixate on his mouth which was spread wide and sewn into a gruesome smile. His teeth were jagged and sharp. As he leans down towards me, lowering his surgical tool; I begin to scream and thrash against my restraints. Suddenly everything becomes pitch black and the deafening noise vanishes. The only noises left in the room were the sound of me screaming and crying along with Henry and Patrick laughing their asses off. The room became dimly lit again as Henry began to undo the restraints. As he works to unbuckle me I frantically look around trying to find the surgeon who was just in here, but suddenly disappeared. I sat up slowly trying to compose myself although my body is trembling excessively. Patrick gave me no breaks as he continues to push me forward towards the next room...The SlaughterHouse.

As we walk into the next room, I am desperately holding onto the back of Henry’s shirt begging to go home. I can hear him chuckle arrogantly as he feels me gripping his shirt. Patrick whispers in my ear from behind, his hands placed firmly on my hips, “But the fun is just getting started princess.” I take a deep breath before asking no one in particular, “Can someone hold my hand? ..Please?” My voice filled with terror and practically pleading. They both look at each other at the same time, laugh and respond with a mocking as they imitate my voice- “noOoO.” I look down at my feet feeling so small until I can hear what sounds like metal clanking together- echoing louder and louder. I completely stop dead in my tracks, my legs feeling so wobbly as we enter a room with hooks. So many hooks with prosthetic pigs hanging on them! I hear Patrick from behind me chuckle and say in a taunting sing-song type voice, “Come on Y/N~ keep moving.” Henry looks at us, laughing in amusing sporting that same smirk that never left his face. Henry slowly approaches me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. His voice is low and cold, “ Hey Y/N ever wonder what it felt like to be a pig hanging on a hook?” My eyes widen as he says this and I quickly try to make a run for it but Patrick is fast to grab me before I could. He begins to carry me over to Henry effortlessly despite my squirming. Patrick puts me down then shoves me into Henrys chest. Henry then picks me up and places me on one of the metal hooks, putting a hole in my favorite black jacket. I begin crying..again this time sobbing uncontrollably as I struggle to say, “G-Guys this r-r-really isn't f-funny. I wanna gah-g-go home now. Get me d-down pleasee!” They both laugh at my breakdown and begin to walk out of the room. Patrick peeks his head back in, “Just hang there for a sec princess, we’ll be right back ~” Henry chimes in “I wouldn’t give the butcher a hard time if I were you. He hates when you struggle...” I hear them laugh in the distance as they walk off again. That's when I heard it...that's when I heard the sound of a chainsaw and heavy footsteps charging towards me. I scream so loud I start to lose my voice a little, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. A man that looks well over 6ft tall with broad shoulders walks in. He looks like he came straight out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. At this point, I’m bawling my eyes out, screaming and desperately calling for Henry and Patrick’s help. Although realistically I know the chainsaw has no blade on it, it’s still equally terrifying. The butcher brings the saw somewhat close to my face. I wince, closing my eyes tightly as the strong scent of gasoline invades my nose, along with a faint musty smell coming off the chainsaw, as well as the man in front of me. I brace myself for the impact which never came. I opened my eyes to see the man lowering the chainsaw instead. I let out a sigh of relief thinking he is going to let me down but instead he pulls out a blindfold. At this point, I can literally hear my heartbeat pulsating through my ears. I’m trying to kick aimsley now that can't see anything. That’s when I feel someone grabbing at my legs. My blindfold drops down as I see Patrick looking up at me with his famous smile. Henry begins to get me down as he mockingly says, “I told you he hates it when you struggle, didn’t I?”

I am violently shaking from adrenaline to the point that they have to keep me upright, sandwiched in the middle of them both. I look at them and ask between sobs, “Are we done yet? Can I go home now? Please?” Henry condescendingly pats my head as if I am a child while Patrick chuckles and says, “We have one more room to complete and you’re their special guest...they kept vacancy just for you!”

As we exit the slaughterhouse we suddenly are displaced into a parking lot. A rush of confusion washes over me. Patrick just said there’s still one more room left, why are we outside? I shiver out of fright as Patrick rubs his hands up and down my arms, his head tilted as he looks at me with a teasing smirk. Henry nudges me and points up to a sign which reads “Motel” with a crooked red light flickering. It reads ‘Vacancy’. The makeshift motel looks runned-down and absolutely filthy. Henry and Patrick lead me to the front office. Opening the creaky wooden door on a spring, I walk in cautiously. I quickly become distracted by several different TV scenes that display [fake] murders taking place in the motel rooms by masked men. Blood-curdling screams fill my ears, making me even more thrown off guard. As I look around the office more, Patrick takes 2 long strides towards the front desk and rings the silver bell that is placed on the corner of the desk. I jump, flinching as he looks at me smirking. “I don’t think anyone is home.” He says in a sarcastic voice. Henry shoves me forward towards the back room now. He kneels down and opens a trap door. He looks up at me, “Ladies first.” Patrick snickers behind me as I cautiously started entering the crawlspace on my hands and knees. As I am crawling forward in the dirt ground, I feel Patrick smack and grab my ass causing me to jump, hitting my head in the cramped, narrow space. Patrick lets out a satisfied laugh. “You know, your ass is your only redeeming quality princess… that and your fear.” This earns a laugh from Henry, as well, who reaches under Patrick and grabs my ankle unexpectedly; pulling me back. I let out a little yelp and eat dirt. They both start laughing again. Finally, we reach the end of the crawlspace. Patrick reaches over me and pushes up on the door to open it. I feel Patrick lift me slightly so I can pull myself out. I take note of my surroundings. That underground path lead us from the motel office, to now one of the bedrooms. As I straighten myself out, Henry and Patrick follow closely behind, climbing out of the craw-space, as well. Before I move forward I made the decision to grab Patrick’s hand despite what he said earlier about hand-holding.

Patrick looks down at me smirking but doesn't say anything. In fact, he actually holds my hand back, intertwining his fingers tightly between mine but I can tell there’s an ulterior motive behind his actions. The door handle to the motel bedroom begins to violently shake and jiggle. The door slowly opens revealing two men wearing masks. They are headed right towards me, their long legs approaching quickly. I try to back up but sadly I was still holding onto Patrick... or should I say he is holding onto me. At this point, Patrick picks me up and literally throws me onto the bed. The weight of his body is holding my legs down. As I’m struggling against Patrick, Henry walks over and holds my arms tightly above my head giving Patrick a better hold of my legs. The two masked men walk over and one of them pulls out a knife. Unlike the chainsaw from earlier, this was a very real and very sharp knife. In a taunting way, the masked men walk over slowly- one going to my left and the one with the knife going to my right. I begin to scream but it is quickly muffled by the man on my left covering my mouth. My anxiety takes over now, not able to take any more scares. I begin to see black slowly starting with my peripheral vision as it slowly covers the rest of my eyes. I begin to drift into unconsciousness. The last thing I head was the laughter of 4 recognizable guys and the muffled talking of Henry, Patrick, Vic, and Belch.

I woke up in my bed, the sun glaring down on my face. I sit up slowly, trying to remember how I even got here. Last thing I remember was being held down by those assholes in that terrifying motel room. I get out of bed and begin to stretch when I notice something hanging on my closet door. I hesitantly walked over to my closet seeing a note stuck to the door. The paper note was help up by a knife.. the same knife from last night! My breathing becomes shallow and hands shake as I read over the note. Still feeling jumpy, I jump when I hear Eddie’s and Richie’s loudmouths enter the front door. I bring my attention back to the note which reads~

I can’t get your screams or your scared face out of my mind. How about we try to recreate them in the bedroom? -Patrick

You’re my number one target now..scaredy-cat - Henry

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 4 years ago

Text

Eccentricity [Chapter 11: You Don’t Come Around No More]

A/N: I apologize profusely for the long wait. Thank you all so, so, so much for your support. Every single reblog, message, comment, emotional rant, and/or screech of despair makes my day, and I couldn’t do this without you. 💜 Only THREE more chapters left!!!

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. Potentially a better love story than Twilight.

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: “More To Life Than Baseball” by Petey.

Chapter Warnings: Language, angsttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Word Count: 7.5k.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii @bramblesforbreakfast @maggieroseevans @culturefiendtrashqueen @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @escabell @im-an-adult-ish @queenlover05 @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee @deacyblues @tensecondvacation @brianssixpence @some-major-ishues @haileymorelikestupid @youngpastafanmug @simonedk

The Rain

I wish I felt empty.

I’m supposed to feel empty, right? I’m supposed to feel steeped in grey, oceanic misery; I’m supposed to dip in and out of depressive naps all day and sob delicately over creased photos and fading, wistful memories. I always envisioned heartbreak as a soft and inherently feminine sort of affliction: the hems of nightgowns and bathrobes sweeping along hardwood floors, Kleenex boxes and concave couch cushions, weepy phone calls to friends and aunts and mothers, Queen Victoria wearing black for the rest of her life after Prince Albert’s death, Mary Todd Lincoln sinking into dark and hushed obscurity. Women, hollowed out by despair, cross the history of the earth like lines of latitude.

I don’t feel empty at all. I don’t even feel sad. I feel razored by sharp, red, ceaseless anxiety. I am consumed by thoughts of what I did wrong, what I said that started the wheels of doubt spinning in his mind, if he had known how it would end from the start. I dream of white, clawed hands dragging me down through cold waves. I hear words scream to me as I toss at night in my suddenly too-spacious bed, words that now hit me like knuckles to the gut: Shhh, hey, it’s just me, don’t get up, as Joe slipped beneath the Arizonan blankets, wrapped an arm around my waist, kissed my collarbone as I tumbled back into sleep; I love you to death, as his Subaru idled in Charlie’s driveway; Baby Swan, listen to me, nothing is supposed to hurt, okay, so if anything hurts, ever, at all, you tell me and we stop, deal? as we stood in the doorway of our hotel room at the Four Seasons in Chicago. And now...and now...

And now everything fucking hurts.

It doesn’t make any sense; and yet it does. Look at him. Look at me.

The Polaroid photo from Homecoming was still taped to the top of my full-length mirror. I peeled it free like a layer of translucent, friable reptilian skin, tore it straight down the center, burned both halves over a brand new three-wicked, lemon-scented Bath And Body Works candle—a gift from Renee and Paul—and closed my eyes like a child casting a wish over her birthday cake like a spell. I wished for my memories to vanish with the photograph. I wished to get hit by a truck and wake up in the hospital with no recollection of the past two and a half months. I wanted the Lees to dissolve into distant, enigmatic mystery; I wanted to join the rest of Forks in believing that they were nothing more than bewildering and yet harmless freaks, barely worth noticing, one of those glitches of the matrix that were better off ignored like liminal seconds of déjà vu. I wished to carve out every part of myself that they had ever touched.

And Joe’s voice came rushing back from where we stood by that star-lit fountain outside the Church of Saint Lawrence, accompanied by falling raindrops and a crooked grin: I can make wishes come true.

The three tiny flames flickered in the breeze that sighed through my open window. The bright, citrusy scent of the candle reminded me of Lucy. I couldn’t fucking win. What else is new?

I turned back to the mirror. I flinched when my gaze snagged on my reflection: bloodshot-eyed, swollen-faced, utterly unbeautiful, restless like a caged animal. Look at him. Look at me.

I ripped the last memento off the mirror—Official Citation!! No More Sad Spaghetti!!—and watched the yellow square of paper catch fire, curl up around the edges, become unrecognizable, turn to ash. And I wished over and over again, like a poem, like a prayer: Let me forget, oh god please let me forget.

Charlie keeps asking if I’m okay. The answer, of course, is no; but I can’t tell him that. So I wear a serene smile like clip-on fangs, a cheap polyester cloak, crimson smudges of lipstick like trails of spilled blood down the side of my neck. Every day is Halloween for me now. I dress up as someone who isn’t haunted, who hasn’t become a ghost.

And when Charlie turns up the World Series or I’d Do Anything For Love on his geriatric, staticky kitchen radio—the same radio he’s had since my mother was the one joining him for daybreak coffee and Pop-Tarts—I choke back tears like dragonfire.

Missing In Action (Revisited)

Joe wasn’t here. Neither was Ben.

Lucy, Rami, and Scarlett were sipping cups of tea at the Lees’ usual table, their eyes downcast, their voices low and murmuring, their pristine lunches neglected. Lucy and Rami were dressed in matching charcoal grey turtleneck sweaters; Scarlett had come from Fencing Club and was wearing royal purple yoga pants and a black tank top, her duffle bag of gear on the floor by her sneakered feet. Her hair was in a long fishtail braid. Archer hadn’t mentioned her since Joe broke up with me. That either meant that it was going blissfully and he didn’t want to injure me further, or that Scarlett had ended things as well.

Since Joe broke up with me. That sounds so fucking pedestrian.

I stared at the three present Lees, almost leered, commanding them to see me, to acknowledge me, to admit that I had once meant something to them, that this hadn’t all been some transitory delusion to fill the cavernous void of losing my home, my life as I knew it in Arizona. They took no notice whatsoever.

Jess kicked me beneath the lunch table. My attention snapped back to her.

“Sorry, what?”

“You want to go shopping with me and Angela tonight?” Jessica’s hands were folded just beneath her chin, her voice gentle, her eyes large and sympathetic and watery. This was her version of being supportive. I appreciated it...in a perpetually tormented and preoccupied sort of way.

“No thanks.” I forked my cold, sauceless spaghetti listlessly. I’d forgotten to pack a lunch. I didn’t have an appetite anyway. I had deleted the GrubHub app from my iPhone and had no intention of using it ever again in my comparatively short and calamitous human life.

“You could come to temple this weekend,” Jessica pressed.

“Uh.” Mingling with a churchful of sociable, wholesome, marriage-obsessed adolescent Mormons sounded like the absolute last thing I’d want to spend my evening doing. “That’s a really generous offer, but I’ll pass.”

“Well you have to do something,” Angela said. “You can’t just sit in your bedroom alone all weekend and stare at the wall and wallow in self-pity.”

We’ll see about that. I turned to Jess. “How’s Vodka Boy from your Indigenous Peoples of the Arctic class? Did he ever reappear? What’s his name again, Elmo? Ellington? El Chapo?”

“Ellsworth.” She frowned as she slurped her patron-drink-of-Mormons Sprite. “And no, he definitely failed out or overdosed or something, because he never came back.”

“Tragic,” I noted.

“But I’m pretty sure Mike’s coming over this weekend, so we’ll see if I can get some Netflix and chill action going.”

“Jess,” Angela chastised, widening her eyes and nodding to me subtly (but not quite subtly enough). No talking about getting lucky in front of the heartbroken single loser, that look said.

“I think I can be emotionally supportive without taking a goddamn vow of chastity, Angela!” Jessica hurled back.

“I gotta go.” I stood, threw on my backpack, discarded my nearly untouched lunch.

“You’ve barely eaten anything!” Angela protested. “You’ve barely eaten for a week!”

“I’ll live.” I picked my umbrella up off the slippery tile floor—peppered with muddy shoeprints and pearlescent drops of water fallen from coats and limp, sopping locks of hair—and headed out into the pouring rain. I hated the rain. I hated it. Maybe I had forgotten that for a while, but it all came hurtling back now like a hurricane, like a hand cracking across my face. I ached for the desert, for blatant and unapologetic heat, for palm trees and cacti and naked stars in the night sky. I had been researching marine biology graduate programs in the Southwest. There were good ones at UC San Diego, UC Santa Barbara, Texas A&M, the University of Southern California, UCLA. I would miss Charlie and Archer—and maybe Jessica and Angela on occasion—and absolutely nothing else about Forks. At least, that’s what I promised myself.

This is a no-giving-a-fuck-about-Lee-boys zone, I thought morosely.

Ben was brooding at our table in Professor Belvin’s classroom. It was the first time he’d shown up to Chemistry since that day Joe met me on the beach at La Push, since the place I’d once occupied in his universe had closed like a wound. I took my seat beside Ben. The window was shut today, the downpour outside torrential. Ben recoiled, just enough for me to notice; he was wearing his oversized black hoodie and practicing his Welsh, his handwriting messy and unbalanced.

“You could have warned me,” I said.

Ben didn’t glance up from his notebook. “Would that have made it any easier?”

“No,” I realized in defeat. I guess it wouldn’t have. I pulled my own notebook, my favorite pen, and a can of Diet Coke out of my backpack.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ben said. “You really need to know that. It had nothing to do with you. And none of us are happy with the current situation. None of us.”

None of them. That included Joe. “Interestingly, that didn’t stop him from creating it.”

Ben was thoughtful, debating his next words. “We’re probably going to be moving soon.”

“What?” I startled; my turquoise blue pen dropped out of my grasp and rolled across the table. Ben snatched it up and returned it to me. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“And what, just redo this whole college thing?”

Ben shrugged. “We’ll probably start our junior years over again. Gwil will say there was some horrible family tragedy and we needed a few semesters off. I could use the extra time to figure out Calc anyway. Parametric equations make me want to kill myself.”

I just stared at him. It didn’t make any sense. “But...why would the whole family leave Forks? Because of me? One pathetic, aggrieved human? Do you all pack up and relocate every time Joe fucks and dumps someone? That must be exhausting.”

“It’s better for everyone if we get some distance. Put more space between our world and yours.”

“But...” I tried to imagine never seeing any of them again: no Mercy humming merrily as she tossed handfuls of homegrown carrots to the alpacas, no Dr. Lee dabbing away my blood with an ageless sort of patience, no Scarlett or Lucy or Rami, no brief glimpses of Joe as he avoided me in the campus library. It’s exactly what I wanted; and yet it wasn’t. It so, so, so, so wasn’t. It keeps getting worse. How is that possible? My voice was flimsy and quivering, absolutely pitiful. Disgustingly pitiful. “Who will be my lab partner?”

Ben peered over at me with wide, confused green eyes. And then—gingerly, awkwardly, like holding an acquaintance’s baby for the first time—he laid his hand over mine. “I’ll miss you too.”

Professor Belvin lectured about coordinate covalent bonds. I didn’t absorb a word. I conjugated Italian verbs with my turquoise blue pen, sketched disordered whirlpools of ink, tried not to think about whether this was my last-ever Chemistry class with Ben, whether it was my last-ever weekend sharing Forks with the Lees. Those rageful, frantic thoughts were back. What did I do wrong? What didn’t I do right? Why did he have to leave?

My nomadic gaze caught on a flier on the wall next to our misted window. I had assumed it was a leaflet for some club or protest or seasonal dance that I would definitely not attend, but it wasn’t. It was a missing poster.

Have you seen this student? the flier asked in bold, businesslike black font. It was urgent, but not quite despairing; not yet, anyway. I could hear a Dean of Student Affairs cajoling some affluent, strings-of-pearls-adorned mother over the phone: Yes ma’am, you have my full attention and I can assure you that we’re very concerned, but I’m sure it’s all just a misunderstanding...he’s probably gone backpacking or sailing with some friends and forgotten to call home. You know how college students can be. Beneath a large photo of a grinning blond kid—pink polo, flushed cheeks, clever crop job to nix a can of Natty Light clutched in one fist—was a name: Ellsworth Jonathan Griffin.

Ellsworth, I thought, my stomach plummeting. The guy from Jessica’s Indigenous Peoples of the Arctic class. He hadn’t failed out. He was missing. Missing like a 20/20 episode or a true crime podcast, missing like the pregnant stillness before a murder is confessed in some glaringly florescent-lit interrogation room, before a distended and bloodless corpse washes up on shore.

I turned to Ben. He noticed me eventually, crinkled his brow, shrugged in that way that seemed so petulant if you didn’t know him well enough to not be offended.

I pointed to the flier and raised my eyebrows. Ben twisted around in his chair to look. Then he sighed, scribbled a sentence in the corner of a piece of notebook paper, tore it free, and slid it across the table.

Ben’s note read, in atrocious penmanship: Are you seriously asking me if I ate that guy?

Maybe, I wrote back after a moment’s hesitation. Maybe that wasn’t exactly what I was asking; maybe I just wondered if he knew anything about it.

In either case, Ben’s reply was swift and resounding, and underlined three times: No.

Sorry, I wrote, abruptly remorseful. I am a jerk. And I added a frowny face for good measure. Ben chuckled when he saw it, shook his head, gave me a drawn little smirk. His words tiptoed around in my skull, leaving searing imprints like footprints in the sand. I’ll miss you too.

I have to forget about them. I drummed my turquoise blue pen against my notebook as Professor Belvin drew families of molecules on the whiteboard with squealing dry erase markers. I have to find a way to make myself forget.

Jessica was waiting for me in the hallway after class. It was part of her convince-Baby-Swan-not-to-jump-off-a-cliff initiative. “Hey.”

“Okay,” I told her with steely resolve. “I’m ready for you to set me up with one of those guys from your church or temple or whatever. I’m ready to be a nice wholesome wife, pop out like six kids, learn how to scrapbook, give up caffeine and horror movies, do the whole white picket fence thing. Sign me up.”

Jessica blinked at me. There were flecks of fallen mascara on her cheekbones like ashes. “What?”

“You’re a Mormon, right?”

“Girl, I’m not a Mormon,” Jessica said, puzzled. “I’m a witch.”

Lucille

I found Joe where he usually was these days: sprawled on the sofa, engulfed in the same blue Snuggie he’d been wearing for thirty-six uninterrupted hours, gazing catatonically at the big-screen tv. A 90 Day Fiancé marathon was on. Some rodentish guy named Colt was apologizing to his gorgeous, aspiring-green-card-holding Brazilian love interest for calling the cops on her during their last screaming match. He was also apologizing for the fact that they lived in a two-bedroom apartment with his mother. I didn’t need clairvoyance to see where their future was headed.

“Hey,” Ben said when he spotted me. He was sitting next to Joe and occasionally tried to shove pieces of popcorn into his mouth, which Joe accepted passively like coins plinked into a gumball machine. Ben had been his shadow for the past week; he was perhaps the best equipped of us to understand this degree of melancholy, of hopelessness.

“Ciao.” And then, to Joe: “How are you?”

“Terrible,” he replied, not tearing his eyes from the tv.

“I figured.” I squeezed between them on the couch, curled up next to Joe, rested my chin on his shoulder. He ignored me completely. I could hear Mercy tapping at her laptop keyboard out in the dining room; she was browsing through Zillow listings in Portland, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Dear god, please don’t let us end up in fucking Cleveland. “Guess what.”

Joe stared at the tv for a long time before he answered. “What.”

“I had a vision of you. Just now, as I was doing laundry. Crystal clear and very scenic too, I might add.”

“Fascinating,” Joe said flatly.

“What happened in this vision?” Ben asked, far more invested, which I was thankful for.

“It was pretty far away, maybe a year from now. I saw you in the desert at night, under a full moon. There were cacti everywhere. The shadow of the Milky Way was threaded through the sky, and the stars were very bright. I could make out the constellations Pegasus and Cassiopeia. You were filling up a tiny glass bottle with dirt.”

“That’s remarkably helpful,” Joe said.

“It is, a little bit,” I insisted. “It means you get through this. That you have a future. I get nervous when I go too long without a vision of someone in the family. But now I know you’re going to be okay.”

The reflections of the feuding 90 Day Fiancé couples danced in his glassy eyes. “Being alive doesn’t mean you’re okay.”

“That’s dark,” Ben said. “Even I think that’s too dark.” He pushed a handful of popcorn into Joe’s mouth. “Are you gonna hunt at some point or what?”

“No.”

“You’re just gonna sit on this couch and waste away?”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to bring you anything? Grizzly bear? Brown bear? Fuck it, I’ll get you a polar bear if that’s what you want. There’s probably some on the black market. Rami would know.”

“He what?” Mercy called from the kitchen. Her typing had stopped.

“Nothing, Mom!” I shot back.

“I don’t want anything,” Joe said. That was a lie, of course. We all knew what he wanted. Rami couldn’t stand to be around him; the thoughts were relentless, smothering.

I linked my arms around Joe’s neck, laid my head against his chest, sighed deeply and mournfully. “I’m sorry,” I told him. “I know that doesn’t fix anything. But I’m so, so sorry. And I’ll help however I can. We all will.”

And I had accepted that Joe wasn’t going to respond at all when he finally whispered: “I just wish I could forget.”

Cato

My rolling suitcase snagged on the cobblestone driveway. The tiny spinning wheels bashed against concrete as I scaled the front steps. As the taxi pulled away, I dug around in my suit pocket for my keys, found them, unlocked the enormous front door, stepped inside the palace as my suitcase trolled along the marble floor.

“Cato’s back!” Charity announced as she breezed down the nearest staircase, beaming and embracing me. She was a lovely, innately warm woman from Pointe-Noire, Congo; she still wore the silver cross necklace her mother had once given her around her neck. “Did you have a nice flight? Wait, let me check.” She pressed the fingertips of her right hand to my cheek. I felt the memories rush up like blood to a flushed face: the bite of sipped champagne against my tongue, the thin semi-transparent newspaper pages gliding between my fingers, the husky voice of the bearded, bearish naval officer who sat in the seat beside me, the misted silhouette of Vladivostok as it rose up out of the Pacific Ocean. “Uneventful, but pleasant enough. You flew commercial?”

“The jets were otherwise occupied, apparently.” Charity could see things with the predictability and precision that Lucy so often lacked, but only the past. I pushed her hand away. “Was that really necessary?”

“You’re not mad,” Charity declared, confident, impish, helping me shed my suit jacket and draping it over her arm. “You’re never mad.”

She was very nearly correct. “Where are the rest of the kids?”

“In the kitchen. Go say hello, they’ve missed you dreadfully.”

“I know the feeling.” I kicked off my Berlutis, ran a palm over the wiry fur of the Irish Wolfhounds that appeared to greet me before they resumed padding watchfully around the palace, and went to the kitchen, my black socks slipping a bit on the marble floors.

I could hear their voices before I reached the door: laughter, teasing, complaints, requests. The scents of pancakes and cold butter and maple syrup were thick in the air. Charity was one of our four newest recruits, and they all still had that energetic lightness of being human, a youthful enthusiasm, a relative normalness. I spent quite a lot of time with them. It was my job—to help with the transition, to keep them happy, to facilitate the welding of their individual parts into the beastly machine that was the Draghi—but oftentimes it felt more like a reprieve. Some would stay close to me as they matured, others would grow in different directions, like ambitious vines climbing the skeleton of a garden trellis. I usually missed them when they ‘grew up,’ so to speak...although there were exceptions. I had never liked Liesl. I had always liked Ben. I opened the door.

“Ah, you are home!” Ksenia cried from where she stood over the stove, a spatula in her right hand, bouncing excitedly in place on her small bare feet.

“Hey!” Max and Austin called together. They were both sitting with their shoes propped up on the unglamorous kitchen table. There was a massive formal dining room that could accommodate up to twenty-five guests, but we rarely used it.

“Good morning,” I said, aware that I was smiling for the first time in days.

Max groaned as he scrolled through his Google search results on a burner phone. “What the fuck. My name is one of the top five dog names again. I think I’m gonna have to change it.”

I ruffled his long blond hair, stealing a piece of bacon from his plate. Max had grown up a trust fund kid in Perth, Australia. His mother was old money; his father was a professional surfer. “Your name is fine.”

“Really, Kato Kaelin? Is it really? How am I supposed to intimidate people when I have a fucking dog name?”

“So make them call you Maximilian,” offered Ksenia in a heavy Ukrainian accent. She’d only been with us for eight months, but her English was coming along swimmingly. She flipped a massive A-shaped pancake on the sizzling griddle. That one was for Austin.

“Seriously?” Max said. “That is just way too many syllables. They’ll be halfway down the block by the time I’m done introducing myself. ‘Hey, come back mate, I haven’t killed ya yet.’”

“At least you aren’t stuck with a basic-white-boy-circa-1992 name for all of eternity,” said Austin Tyler McInerny, originally of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. He was chomping on a multicolored Fruit Roll-Up, which swung from his mouth like a lizard’s tongue. He’d been working at an ailing skatepark when Larkin found him. He still enjoyed showing off his kickflips, and kept insisting that he was going to teach me how to ollie. I didn’t have the faintest idea what an ollie was.

“Do you want a pancake, Cato?” Ksenia asked, passing Austin his plate and wiping her hands on her pink apron. Her black hair was tied in a high ponytail with a matching rose-colored ribbon. She looked so young. She was so young, actually. Nineteen. And she would be forever.

“No, thank you dear. I’m alright.”

“I like Alaric,” Max decided. “First king of the Visigoths. Alaric is a name fit for a vampire. Creepy, yet dignified. Or maybe Silas. Or Draco.”

Austin shook his head as he swirled a river of viscous maple syrup over his A-shaped pancake. “Definitely not Draco.”

“Why not?”

“Well, the Harry Potter connection is unfortunate. People will hear Draco and think of that obnoxious white-haired kid from the evil snake-people house or whatever.”

“Oh, right,” Max sighed. “Like I said. Alaric would work.”

“So many A-shaped pancakes!” Ksenia poured a K on the griddle for herself.

“It’s good for you,” Austin replied, pointing at her with his fork. “We’re practicing English.”

“Alaric Luther,” Max mused, scrolling through his phone. I didn’t think he’d find that on any list of trendy dog names. “Alaric Lothaire...Alaric Lucian...”

“I like your name, Max,” Larkin said from the doorway. None of us had heard him arrive. He was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed, wearing a deep maroon suit and a ring on every finger, grinning hugely. He was exactly as I remembered him: stunning, captivating, terrifying. The kitchen fell quiet. I could smell Ksenia’s pancake beginning to burn.

At last Max chuckled nervously, pushing soggy pancake hunks around on his plate with his fork, averting his gaze. “Guess I’ll keep it then.”

“I thought I heard you come in,” Larkin told me.

“It’s always a pleasure to be home.”

He nodded out towards the hallway. “Come. Regale me with the stories of your travels.” Then his eyes flicked down to my socks, and he grimaced—slightly, briefly—before turning away. “And find your shoes.”

I followed him through the hallway, the living room, the grand front foyer with the crystal chandelier, into the elevator. Larkin did not speak, but he hummed as we ascended: House Of The Rising Sun.

It hadn’t always been like this. It was difficult for me to pick out the details of what had changed—the tone of his voice, the proportion of wonder and gratitude I associated with him versus fear, the way this palace (or the one in Reykjavik, or Juneau, or Ivalo, or Murmansk, or any of the others) felt when I stepped inside it—but I knew something had. It had begun before Ben left. It was much worse now. Older vampires, in my fairly learned opinion, are something like the stars. They mellow as they age, temper their character flaws, grow wise and patient like Nikolai or Honora or Gwilym Lee; or they rage until they burn away every last atom of humanity, until they destroy themselves and take entire solar systems down with them. Increasingly, I harbored fears that Larkin was a vampire of the latter variety. And we were all his planets.

In his study, Larkin dropped into the chair behind his desk, brought a hand to his forehead, surveyed a disarrayed flurry of papers: letters, notices, deeds and titles, meticulously managed accounts of finances and disciplinary actions. Larkin had a laptop and burner phone, of course, as we all did; but he liked to work in paper as much as possible. That’s how he’d done things for centuries, since long before the name of the inventor of the internet (or harnessed electricity, for that matter) was a whisper on his parents’ lips. The sky outside was clouded and seeping soft rain.

“Things have been busy?” I ventured.

He frowned, gesturing to the cluttered desk. “I’m in purgatory.”

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Can I help?”

“The Lancaster coven says they’ll need an extension for their dues. That’s the second year in a row, now it’s not just an exception, it’s a precedent. If you let one coven bend the rules, others will follow. So something will have to be done. Then there’s Stockholm. Anders’ coven has eaten a few too many locals—including the mayor’s favorite niece—and now the city is launching an investigation. Fucking idiots. They’ll probably all have to relocate. There’s some new territory dispute in Lima between Alejandro’s coven and a group of strangers that just came out of the Andes. We’ll have to make their acquaintance, of course. And as if all that weren’t enough, Rigel accidentally fed on a heroin addict and he’s currently detoxing in a cell in the basement. Would you check on him for me? I’m sure your presence will be a...” He waved his hand distractedly, almost dismissively, searching for the words. “A comfort to him.”

“Of course.”

“How are the Lees?”

“Fine. Typical. Gwil’s putting in a lot of hours at the hospital. Rami’s planning to get another law degree. Ben is, uh, adjusting. Slowly, very slowly. He’s not particularly content. But he hasn’t murdered anyone that I’m aware of.”

“How nice.” Now his eyes darted up to catch mine: focused, luminous, unreadable. “Nothing new at all?”

And instantly, I wanted to tell him everything. I forgot why I had ever planned to blunt the girl’s existence, to conceal her talent entirely; I felt her name rising in my throat. And then I remembered again. I’m doing this for Gwil, for Ben.

I pretended to ponder Larkin’s question, as if it was so difficult to remember, as if there was nothing left to sift through but a trunkful of mundane details from the trip like a grandfather’s tattered correspondence and tarnished war relics. That was something an average family might have squirreled away in their attic, I assumed; I’d never met my own grandfather, and he sure as hell wouldn’t have had anything to leave me if I had. “Joe’s got some new girlfriend, but I don’t think it’s serious. I doubt she’ll be around long. You know how Joe is. Scarlett’s seeing someone too, actually. A Quileute kid.”

“Poor boy.” And Larkin grinned like a shark beneath burning eyes. “He’s in for a lifetime of disappointment. Who will ever be able to hold a candle to those memories?”

Larkin had a moderate preoccupation with Scarlett’s beauty, her...tenacity. Her lack of talent was a great disappointment to him, a somehow more egregious fault than Joe or Gwil or Mercy’s. What a shame, Larkin often said. And I believed I knew what came after in his mind, although never aloud: What a partner she could have been.

He was still grinning at me. His expression was hollow, vacuous. A shiver clawed down my spine. He was waiting for something. No, he was searching. I stared back, and I willed for that intangible, contagious harmony I carried around like a wedding ring to hit him like carbon monoxide or bromine: undetected and yet inexorable, knocking him off his path of inquisition.

What does he suspect? What does he already know?

“Anyway,” Larkin continued abruptly, turning his attention back to his paperwork. “I’m glad there’s nothing to worry about in Forks. Liesl will be back in the next few days, Rigel will be ready to work again, I’ll come up with a plan to handle all this and my mood will improve tremendously.”

And where has Liesl been? I almost asked; and then I didn’t. It was a good sign that she was coming home. I had looked for her once while I was in Forks. When I made up my mind to find someone—when that switch flipped in my skull or in the tangle of nerves of my solar plexus or wherever it lived—it wasn’t like poking around on Google Earth: zooming in here, scrolling over there. A goldish trail lit up on the floor, a ‘Yellow Brick Road’ Honora and I sometimes joked, and I followed it. And I had no way of knowing how far that trail might lead. A route heading dead east from the palace might stop in the next town over or continue across the Pacific Ocean; my search might last one day or a hundred. In Forks—as I perched in a soaring western hemlock tree in the forest outside the Lee residence on a cool October evening—Liesl’s trail had led north. North to Vancouver, to Victoria, to Dawson, to Alaska? Who the fuck knew. I was just relieved it hadn’t led to the tree next to mine.

“Well, as always, I’m happy to assist however I can,” I told Larkin. “Just let me know and I’ll be on the next flight out of Vladivostok.”

“I appreciate that, Cato.” He smiled, paternally this time. And then he spun his chair around to peer out the window into the episodic flares of lightning that illuminated great dark clouds like neurons in a celestial brain. I hate thunderstorms. They remind me of South Carolina. “But I think you’ve earned a rest.”

After checking in on Rigel—irritable, frenetic, pacing, and yet predictably pacified somewhat by my visit—I trotted up the main staircase to the second floor of the palace. I found her in our bedroom: sitting at her easel, a paintbrush held in one graceful hand, an image like a photograph on the canvas. I promptly pried off my Berlutis for the second time today and tossed them into the closet.

“Ciao, amore,” I said.

“Ciao!” Honora replied, beaming. Her curly brunette hair was pinned up and away from her face; wayward tendrils spiraled down to brush her bare shoulder blades, the back of her neck. “Just give me five minutes...I have to finish the shadow of this tree...”

There weren’t many in the Draghi who survived the transition from Nikolai’s leadership to Larkin’s, but Honora had. She was gentle to a fault, a hopeless warrior, turned into an immortal on her forty-fourth birthday when Rome was still an empire; and she was without any talents whatsoever, except for one which was useless in combat. Her paintings, drawings, and sculptures adorned every palace the Draghi owned. Each year, Larkin would ask her to paint all of us together, incorporating any new faces, erasing the memories of those who had proven themselves unworthy. One such portrait, I knew, hung in Gwilym Lee’s home office.

I went to the woman I called my wife, laid my palms on her shoulders, leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Take your time, love.”

“Everything’s alright?” Honora asked, looking hopefully up at me with large, wide-set jade eyes. No, not just hopefully. Trustingly.

“Everything’s alright,” I agreed, not knowing if I believed it.

Shadows And Spells

“He just...just...disappeared?!” Jessica sputtered, scandalized, gaping at me as she held a Styrofoam cup of spiked apple cider in her clasped hands.

We were on a quilt near the outskirts of the sea of beach towels and blankets that circled the bonfire. Women—wearing flowing dresses or robes or tunics or not very much at all—flounced around the flames banging tambourines and reciting chants that I didn’t know the words to. Some carried torches, beacons of heat and light in the darkness. Jessica was wearing a short black shirt, fishnet tights, and a black crop-top turtleneck sweater; I had opted for a bohemian blue dress patterned with stars, an old thrift shop find and the closest thing I owned to Wiccan festivities apparel. I had a cup of hot apple cider as well, enhanced with a generous splash of Captain Morgan, but hadn’t quite conjured up the rebelliousness to drink it yet.

I suddenly recalled Mercy bringing me an endless supply of virgin autumnal sangrias as Joe and I swam in the hot tub on the Lees’ back porch. As soon as you turn twenty-one, you can have the real thing. I frowned, shuddered, took a bitter and burning sip.

“Yeah,” I replied. “He told his roommate he was going to a frat party or something and never showed up and never made it back home either. The parents are blaming the university, the university is insisting he must be off with a girlfriend or on some hipster soul-searching nature adventure or whatever, it’s a mess.”

“Jesus,” she murmured. “What does your dad say?”

“He’s been helping the state police with the investigation. There’s really no evidence of anything. No witnesses, no footprints, no surveillance footage, no handy anonymous tips...”

“No body,” Jessica finished.

“That’s morbid.” I downed the rest of my cider. Was the world already beginning to list like a ship on choppy waves, or was that just my imagination? I guess it would be possible. I’d barely eaten all day.

“You were thinking it.”

“Well, one’s mind does tend to wander towards homicide under such circumstances.”

“It is the season of the dead.” She grinned wickedly, then took my empty cup. “He’s probably fine. I bet he wants to drop out to become a weed farmer and hasn’t worked up the guts to tell his parents yet. You want another?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. I’ll be right back.” Jess rose to balance on black boots with five-inch heels and staggered off to the foldable table piled high with cans and bottles and snacks. I was getting the impression that her Wiccanism was more of a novelty than a spiritual commitment.

The season of the dead. Now that’s VERY morbid.

There were some guys laughing, smoking home-rolled cigarettes, and toasting glasses of red wine on a nearby mandala blanket, bespectacled intellectual types who were probably getting PhDs in Anthropology or Medieval Studies at the University of Washington. One of them—curly-haired, pale-eyed, wearing a sweater vest and a cautious smile—raised his wine glass in my direction. I waved back without much enthusiasm.

“He’s cute, right?” Jessica asked, plopping back down onto our quilt and shoving a full cup of spiked cider into my grasp. She motioned for me to drink. I did. “That’s Sebastian, but he likes to be called Bash. He’s twenty-three and speaks fluent German.”

“Charming.”

“He’s very...uh...gifted. I’m not saying I know from personal experience, but I’ve heard it from a very reliable source. And his parents own a beach house in Monterey. You could go skinny-dipping.”

“In the ocean?” The world was definitely wobbling now. I was warm all over, numbed, fuzzy; it was becoming difficult to picture Joe’s face, to hear his voice. This was good. I kept drinking. “No thanks. Too many sharks. They have great whites down there.”

Jess tossed her long, loose hair and sighed impatiently. “I’m just saying that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. So you should pursue that.”

“I’ll totally consider it.” I lied. I would not consider it.

She smiled, sympathetically, fondly. “I can’t believe you thought I was a Mormon.”

“I can’t believe I’m out in the Washington wilderness commemorating the Gaelic festival of Samhain, but here we all are.”

Jess glanced over my shoulder. “Oh my god. He’s coming over here.”

“Ugh.” I craned my neck to see. Sebastian—whoops, my mistake, Bash—was approaching. “Please distract him. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Also I’m pretty sure I’m getting drunk and I don’t want to do anything humiliating, like sob uncontrollably about how much I miss my ex-boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry. I gotchu, Baby Swan.”

“Hey Jess,” Bash said, but he was looking at me. He pitched his cigarette off into the trees. What the fuck, who does that?

“Only you can prevent forest fires,” I told him in a woozy, mock-Smokey Bear voice.

“What?” he asked, baffled.

“Ignore her, she’s drunk,” Jess said quickly. “So what’s up? Come on, sit with me. Keep me toasty. Teach me some German...”

As they chatted and giggled and snuggled closer together—I’m starting to think that Jessica might have been her own reliable source—I studied the forest, watching to make sure the cigarette didn’t begin to smolder in the damp brush. The voices and crackling of the bonfire and sharp ringing of the tambourines faded into one muted, uniform drone. The trees reeled in the haze of the spiked cider; the cool wind moaned through them. And then, for only a second: a glimpse of something impossibly quick, something silvery and reedy and sunless.

What was that?

I blinked. It was gone. I blinked again, staring penetratingly. The swarming heat from the cider evaporated from my skin, my blood. There were goosebumps rising all over me.

What the hell was that?

I remembered how Calawah University students sometimes reacted to Ben: flinching, withdrawing, autonomically fearing him on some primal, evolutionary level. They knew he was a predator. They knew they were prey. It was chillingly similar to what I was feeling now.

I have to get out of here. I have to go home.

I shot to my feet. Oh, wrong move, that was too quick. I swayed, and Jessica reached up to steady me. “Are you—?!”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I gotta go home now.”

“What?! We just got here! Look, chill out, let me get you some vegan samosas or something—”

“No, seriously, I have to go.”

“Okay, okay,” Jessica conceded. “I’ll finish my drink and we’ll call an Uber, alright?”

“Really?” Bash asked, crestfallen.

“I’ll call an Uber,” I told Jess. “You stay, I’ll go.” Maybe she shouldn’t stay, I thought foggily, irrationally. Maybe it’s not safe.

“I can’t let you go alone. I got you drunk and now you’re a mess and if you end up murdered it would be my fault. There are unsolved mysteries going around, you know.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Girl, there’s no way I’m gonna—”

“I’ll call you as soon as I get in the Uber and I’ll stay on until I’m physically inside my house, okay?”

Jessica considered this. Bash leaned in to nibble her ear. I could smell the red wine and nicotine and animalistic lust sweating out of his pores. And unexpectedly, agonizingly: a biting flare, a muscle memory, Joe’s fingertips skimming down the small of my back and his scent like winter nights saturating the capillary beds of my lungs. Stop, stop, stop. “Okay,” Jess agreed at last.

“Awesome.” I was already opening the Uber app on my iPhone.

My driver was a Pacific Northwestern version of Santa Claus: wild grey beard, red flannel, L.L.Bean boots, rambling about his upcoming trip to hunt caribou in British Columbia. I honored my promise to Jessica and kept her on speakerphone for the duration of the twenty-minute drive. I rested my whirling head against the seat, let my eyes dip closed, watched the intermittent streetlights appear and disappear through my eyelids. I let myself into Charlie’s house when I arrived, wished Jessica goodnight (and reminded her not to get pregnant), and meandered clumsily into the kitchen for a glass of water and a cookie dough Pop-Tart to ward off a possible hangover. Charlie was snoring quietly on the living room couch. I watched him for a while, smiling and achingly grateful, before heading upstairs to my bedroom.

My window was wide open; that’s the first thing I noticed. I didn’t remember leaving it that way. I was always neglecting to lock the window, sure—I kept forgetting that there was no one to leave it unlocked for anymore—but I hadn’t left it open when I went to meet Jessica this evening. Icy night air flooded in. The stars were bright and furious in an uncommonly clear sky.

“You trying to give me pneumonia, old man?” I muttered, thinking of Charlie. I tossed my iPhone down onto my bed and crossed the room to close the window. And as it creaked and collided with the sill, I heard my closet door open behind me.

Someone’s here. Someone’s in this room with me.

I turned, very slowly; it felt like it took a lifetime. She was standing in the doorway of my closet, sinuous and white-haired, wearing black leather pants and stiletto heels and a long-sleeved lace blouse the color of blood, the color of her eyes. And she was harrowingly beautiful; not like Lucy or Mercy, not like Scarlett. She was beautiful like a prehistoric jawbone, like a serrated crescent moon, like a blade.

The owl. The goddamn albino owl.

I recognized her immediately. I heard Joe’s words as he introduced each vampire in the immense painting hanging in Dr. Lee’s upstairs office to me, though I desperately didn’t want to: She’s literally Satan, only blonder.

Her name tumbled from my trembling lips. “Liesl.”

“Wonderful, we can skip the introductions.” Her voice was like windchimes, cutting and brisk, with a hint of an Austrian accent like a shadow. Now she was at my bedside and picking up my phone, scrolling through it with lightning-quick and dexterous thumbs. “Hm. No texts from any of the Lees in the past week. So we don’t have to worry about them dropping by, I suppose. Joe got bored with you already, huh?”

“Evidently.” My own voice was brittle, anemic, weak; just like my ineffectual human body.

“That’s quick, even for him. How sad.” She sighed, tucking my iPhone into her red Chanel purse. “There’s a private jet waiting at the Forks Airport. Pack a bag. You have five minutes.”

“Please don’t hurt my dad,” I whispered, scalding tears brimming in my eyes.

“Of course not,” Liesl replied with a savage, saccharine smile. “Not yet, anyway.”

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asbcblog · 4 years ago

Text

TOP SONGS OF 2020 WRITE UP!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6WDeuRMOV8neAhU2zd193d?si=lZ9gDIp0TsCCEOeCS7_QGw

1. I remember everything - John Prine

I was going to write an incredibly earnest and long review of this song that outlined just how much John Prine meant to me. I can’t really do it and I think this song probably says enough alone. With only a few chords he always manages to express all the little things that make love what it is, all different kinds of love. Long lasting, short moments, love with places, sounds, going places and staying home, endless family ties, and the often fragile but in the end tenable love between all human beings in the face of catastrophe. The pandemic stole a lot of things from a lot of people this year, including John Prine, but he will remain one of the greatest songwriters of all time and his songs will live on forever.

2. Dream Palette - Yves Tumor

I can’t drive but let’s pretend I’m driving, I’m in LA and it’s night time or something, my elbow’s out the window, don’t know why I’m wearing sunglasses, this song comes on the radio, I’m the coolest person alive.

3. Boylife in EU- Yung Lean

Not to repeat my review of Garden but when the chorus comes I feel like I’m on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and im screaming but this time its because of a no-deal Brexit.

4. Garden- Joseph Futak

My review was already used as part of Joe’s promo campaign and it said: “feel like im on top of a really big hill and its pouring it down with rain and I’m screaming when the drums come in x x”

5. Circle the Drain- Soccer Mommy

I like this song because I too, am often alone in my room, and I have also become obsessed with subtle breakbeats to an extent where people around me have become very bored of the subject.

6. The Brothers William Said- The Innocence Mission

I listened to this song over and over when I was travelling round London in January just after my birthday, it felt like I’d been listening to it for years, like it was in a movie I’d forgotten. It felt at the time like I was saying a lot of goodbyes, recognising that things weren’t really like they used to be.

7. On the Floor- Perfume Genius

Say it with me ladies: I CROSS OUT HIS NAME ON THE PAGE!!!!

8. Shameika- Fiona Apple

She may not believe it but I bet Fiona Apple looked tough with a riding crop.

9. Song for Our Daughter- Laura Marling

Everything about this is fantastic, mellow and bright at the same time. Every part is brought forward individually and no part of this song gets left behind. A stunning vocal from Laura Marling and purposeful lyrics set to a cinematically emotive instrumental. Pure magic as always.

10. Building site outside- Piglet

Not going to lie, I was in a very vulnerable emotional state when I listened to this song for the first time, but I think that makes it no less powerful and just, sad. The lyric ‘she smiled at me so much last time’ is just so simple and devastating that you forget this would’ve been on every indie film soundtrack from 2000-2008 if Piglet was an industry plant.

11. I wonder- Shamir

One word: EPIC

12. Crimson Tide- Destroyer

Listened to this every time I came on my period this year.

13. In the Dining Room - Joe Pera talks with you

Adam showed me Joe Pera when I really felt incredibly sad at the very beginning of this year. It’s a show that’s made me feel good, no matter the circumstances. This moment in the show made me smile, and I love hearing Gene come in a bit too early.

14. Stupid Love- Lady Gaga

Shakin my little booty in the kitchen to this x

15. Might bang, might not- Little Simz

Livid we didn’t all get to go to End of the Road and see all the hot dad’s loving Little Simz.

16. Fire- Waxahatchee

A truly insane vocal. I listened to this song on my way to work almost every day from September to December and fantasised singing back up at some kind of outdoor gig in the summer and it made everything significantly less bleak.

17. Hannah Sun- Lomelda

This song is too nice and genuine for me to say anything other than, “really lovely song :)”.

18. Scroll of Sorrow- Machine Girl, guayaba

Listened to this a lot this year while sitting on my kitchen floor staring into an empty oven, wondering if I was ever going to go to a party again.

19. Build a nest- Jeff and Ruby Parker

Have put this on in the flat because the guitar solo reminds me of everything my dad listens to at home. A really great piece of music that kicks off a really exciting album.

20. Kiss me thru the phone- That Kid

Ned said yesterday that he thought it was funny how much the original of this song is so foundational to hyper pop and I agree. Also I’ve started saying ‘Bitch’ like That Kid does every time I stub my toe.

21. Cuckoo- Sam Amidon

I am punting down a creek, looking in the branches that hang over the water for the bird that shall lead me to my next clue.

22. Places/ Plans- Skullcrusher

Used this song to comfort myself in moments where I also just don’t understand why I’m not famous.

23. Sweetjoy- Jam City

Finally….. HAIM for dudes.

24. Clean Living- Slow Weather

I saw someone listening to this on the side of my Spotify so I decided to give it a go and it was a fantastic decision. It’s mental that half of this song is an outro.

25. Summer All Over- Blake Mills

Along with the music video visuals and the dampened piano tone, this wins the competition for least summer-y song with the actual word summer in the title.

26. Ready Cheeky Pretty- CHAI

All of my joy this year has been brought to me by CHAI. I have nothing negative to say about CHAI. If you have anything negative to say about CHAI you’re gonna have to go through me.

27. Diaphanous- Land of Talk

This band was recommended to me by a guy I was trying to flirt with at rough trade east but everything closed before I could impress him by saying ‘I think they’re really cool’.

28. Anything - Adrianne Lenker

Anyone who has ever attempted to write a song with me knows how much I simply love rhyming. Seriously though, every thing rhymes, brilliant stuff. (It’s also such a brilliantly full and constant song that still manages to move and remain exciting from start to finish. I imagine this is partially due to Adrianne Lenker’s almost nursery rhyme- esque structure and also due to her beautifully colloquial approach to family dynamics.)

29. Blow- Dj Gigola, Kev Koko

This song makes me wish I was Jason Bourne- just wanna jump really far while something explodes behind me.

30. Money Can’t Buy- Yaeji, Nappy Nina

‘Well I’ll buy some Yaeji tickets, they’re for NOVEMBER, there’s NO WAY they’re gonna get cancelled’.

31. Only the Truth- Johanna Warren

When I first listened to this song I felt like I was floating in the ocean looking up at the stars as the drums came in on ‘what more can I do’. An incredibly beautiful and careful song.

32. Gasoline- Haim

2020 could probably be summarised with the phrase ‘WHY AM I NO LONGER IN CALIFORNIA? WHY DID I LEAVE CALIFORNIA?’ And this song is the 3 minutes 13 seconds seconds of escapism I needed to not topple into a full spiral.

33. Mapuu - Ic3peak

No one can convince me that Ic3peak are real people. They are a collective made up of child ghosts.

34. Don’t Worry- Bladee

Whenever I have an anxiety attack in the night I wake up and see Bladee’s ghost of the future over my bed, he says ‘Don’t worry’ and mumbles for a bit as I fall back into a peaceful sleep.

35. The biggest tits in history- The magnetic fields

The most relatable magnetic fields song imo.

36. Sand Castle- nijuu

Yujin is a genius and my answer is yes, I do want to just walk for a while.

37. Curl Up- Darren Hayman

Ned reminded me how much I used to love Darren Hayman, and both of them have been a pretty big part of my year.

38. When Will Death Come- Sarah Mary Chadwick

‘Wow, mental voice’ - Ned, while doing the washing up.

39. Dear Dad - Sylvie Wiley

‘But I didn’t cry, you’d be proud’ Sylvie, I’m weeping forever.

40. 34+35- Ariana Grande

Hehehehehehehehehe

41. Garden Song- Phoebe Bridgers

Phoebe Bridgers is a pretty unparalleled lyricist and this song feels like a disconnected series of thoughts that somehow all make sense together and come to create something that doesn’t build, but all just kind of sits? What I’m trying to say is that I don’t really know what she’s talking about but like, I get it.

42. Ringtone (remix) - 100 gecs, Charli xcx, Kero Kero Bonito, Rico Nasty,

I love the way it sounds like everyone got just one take and had to improvise all the lyrics but it still bangs.

43. Changer- Andy Shauf

Thank you lord for another album about a smaller than average man overthinking all of his social interactions with lots of lovely clarinet parts.

44. What’s your pleasure - Jessie Ware

My pleasure jessie? Probably just sitting by the fire with a tough crossword and a glass of merlot x

45. Slime- Shygirl

Shygirl’s series of singles this year made me even more livid that I had to take out my eyebrow piercing for my new job this year.

46. Sears Tower- Salem

Perfect halloween release.

47. Title track- happyness

Ned turned to me and said: ‘so is their new thing that they sound like Elliot Smith’ and I said: ‘and that’s a bad thing?’

48. Cross-sound ferry (walk on ticket) - Hamilton Leithauser

Have found unbelievable joy in chopping veg and shouting GREEEEEEEN PORT, NEEEEEEWWWW YOOORK alone in my kitchen.

49. Lowswimmer- Hailaker

I’ve loved hearing Jemima’s voice when I haven’t got to see her much this year. I normally take the piss out of the Hambledon line but I haven’t seen that this year really either. I guess we find sentimentality in strange places.

50. XS - Rina Sawayama

This song made me feel very decadent on those days where I didn’t wash.

51. Emily- Clem Snide

Let’s be more kind and brave in the face of it all.

52. Building a fire- Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy

P.O.V you’re doing bushcraft in the garden with your husband Bonnie Prince Billy and he’s here to protect you.

53. Asexual Wellbeing- Okay Kaya

This song absolutely bangs but I am truly bewildered by the way they singled out the line ‘if they could put a pulse into a spinach leaf, can they turn the two of us into a tree?’ in the production as if that was a true piece of genius. As I say great tune tho.

54. Anthems- Charli xcx

The soundtrack to couch to 5k

55. Never Better- Kitty Fitz

A SE London queen bringing us huge pop tunes in 2020. So so excited to see what 2021 brings us from Kitty, she’s gonna be a real force!

56. Deep in Love- Bonny Light Horsemen

This is such a delightful song which (mainly due to the time I actually got around to listening to the whole record) for me really rang in the spring. A beautifully recorded testament to the feeling of love getting stronger meaning you have a lot more to lose.

57. Malibu- Kim Petras

My song of the summer, made me feel like I was at the beach when really I was in Lewisham.

58. Like I’m Winning it- Girlpool

I’m so delighted that the turn girlpool have made this year is towards dramatic goth music with breakbeats. Their voices both sound amazing and they look simply incredible.

59. Azad- Frazey Ford

I have no idea what she’s saying as always but I love it.

60. Helio- Charlotte Dos Santos

I’m literally so excited for what Charlotte Dos Santos is gonna put out next. The production is fantastic and her aesthetics are flawless.

61. Lost in the Country- Trace Mountains

‘I checked my email twice as I cried’. Safe to say we’ve all been there this year amirite girlies x

62. Unfold You- Rostam

I hated this at first, I thought, what’s this lo-fi beats to study to shit, but it’s now my classic ‘I’m just gonna pop to the shops, anyone want anything? x’ song. Huge.

63. Oh Yeah- A.G cook

One of 2020s realisations is that me and A.G Cook kind of look like we could be cousins.

64. Can’t cool me down- Car Seat Headrest

I would like to personally thank will Toledo for giving me a tune that got me off my ass when I was too warm to do exercise this summer.

65. Take back the radio- Katy J Paerson

In love with Katy J Pearson’s voice and the way this song builds. Just pretty flawless and feel good in my opinion. I think she’s such an exciting new artist who’s gonna be around for a very very long time.

66. Good Woman- The Staves

‘I’m a good woman’… speak for yourselves.

67. A Little Love- Jack Francis

Feel like I’ve been singing this song for about 5 years! It’s amazing and I’m so excited about what Jack’s going to bring out in 2021, he’s a genius and also the nicest man on the planet.

68. Lullaby No.4 - Snailbeach

This song makes me feel like I’m being hypnotised on a haunted carousel in a very relaxing way.

69. Boyfriend in every city- Roma Radz

Sucks that she can’t see any of her boyfriends cos of covid :(

70. Jaja ding dong- Will Ferrell

Get back in there and play Jaja Ding Dong !!!!

71. Highway- Jonatan leandoer96

Man, would be pretty sick to have 20 boys outside the club but alas the clubs are dead and I’ve only regularly texted about 4 people this year.

72. De nadie- Kali Uchis

Felt v sexy listening to this for the first time in a Morley’s in Honor Oak.

73. Weird Fishes- Lianne La Havas

This album was a pretty triumphant return for Lianna La Havas and me teenage self simply couldn’t be happier.

74. Micro Creature- Aya Gloomy

Love that despite everything about this song telling me otherwise, that the artwork for this single looks like Aya Gloomy is just chilling in the fields by my family home in Hampshire.

75. Si Ella Sale- Bad Bunny

Better get on the duolingo now if I’m gonna know what this guy’s saying at Porto next year.

76. Through my sails- Mountain Man

Truly gentle reimagining of an already incredibly beautiful song, mountain man make every word seem new!

77.Christmas Day (get me outta this funk) - Baggio and Blue 5 Years- Bath days

In joint 77th place are two banging Christmas songs that have soundtracked a pretty bleak Christmas period and have made me feel pretty joyous in their ways, despite one literally being called Blue Five Years.

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bthenoise · 4 years ago

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The Best Of 2020 As Picked By Members Of Underoath, The Amity Affliction, August Burns Red, Neck Deep, Movements and More

Okay, we know what you’re thinking: Isn’t it a bit of an oxymoron to list the “best” things to come from such a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year?

While yes, we completely agree with that statement, we would be remiss not to shine a light on all the wonderful things that helped us survive one of the most challenging years in recent memory -- you know, like best album, best song, best movie, etc.

So, as a way to help you count down the end of this miserable year (22 days, 7 hours and 52 minutes to go as of this writing), we’ve completely turned our year-end, best-of list over to the artists we cover on a daily basis. Because let’s face it, as we’ve noted in years past, their opinions are the ones we all really care about, right?

Right.

To check out what members of Underoath, The Amity Affliction, August Burns Red, Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Movements, Counterparts, Hatebreed and more have all been obsessing over for the past year or so, be sure to see below. We hope you enjoy this final list as much as we do and wish you all the most peaceful and positive holiday season.

Enjoy!

SPENCER CHAMBERLAIN - UNDEROATH

Best Album of 2020: Tame Impala - The Slow Rush Best Song of 2020: Foster the People - “Lambs Wool” Best Music Video of 2020: Sir Sly - “Material Boy” (also one of the best songs of 2020) Most Underrated Album of 2020: The Chain Gang of 1974 - Honey Moon Drips Best Movie of 2020: Onward Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: American Horror Story Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Metal Kenneth Copeland had me cracking up Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: I really enjoyed playing Lost In The Sound of Separation in full for the first time ever and it was our first ever live stream so it was super special and something I’ll never forget The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Writing tons of music, my lady, hiking/working out and my great dane Snoopy 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Put MORE art into the world

AHREN STRINGER - THE AMITY AFFLICTION

Best Album of 2020: Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher Best Song of 2020: Spiritbox - “Holy Roller” Best Music Video of 2020: Architects - “Black Lungs” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Lost For Life - We All Share The Blame Best Movie of 2020: Palm Springs Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Queen’s Gambit Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Donald Trump’s Twitter account. Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Europe tour with Beartooth right before the pandemic. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Drawing and painting 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Start smoking more

JB BRUBAKER - AUGUST BURNS RED

Best Album of 2020: Hum - Inlet Best Song of 2020: Sir Sly - “All Your Love” Best Music Video of 2020: NOFX - “Live At Red Rocks” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Sea Wolf - Through A Dark Wood Best Movie of 2020: The Social Dilemma Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Queen’s Gambit Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: https://youtu.be/0JPRvxTjfOk Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Best show I played this year was our Thrill Seeker 15 Year Anniversary livestream, though I hope that we one-up that show on Dec 12th when we do our Christmas Burns Red show. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: The return of live sports, specifically baseball and especially football. Fantasy sports have been my 2020 escape. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: I’d like to look on the bright side more. 2020 has been an easy year to focus on the negative. I don’t want to be that way next year (or ever).

KEVIN MAIDA - KNUCKLE PUCK

Best Album of 2020: Tie between HAIM's Women In Music Pt. III or Owen’s The Avalanche or Slow Pulp’s Movey

Best Song of 2020: “Me & You Together Song” by The 1975

Best Music Video of 2020: Faye Webster’s “Better Distractions” or Phoebe Bridgers’ “I Know The End” or HAIM’s “Man From The Magazine”

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Burst by Snarls

Best Movie of 2020: Dang, what movies came out this year? Each year, I gauge the movies I saw by recounting seeing them in theaters, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I really enjoyed Portrait of a Lady On Fire though and I saw Uncut Gems on New Year’s Day this year, so I’m counting that as well.

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: I’m really bad with keeping up with contemporary television, but I am always watching The Sopranos on a loop. I've had so many people tell me this year that they started watching Sopranos because of all the extra time at home, so I loved living vicariously through others watching it for the first time. I’ve also been binging 30 Rock for the first time and it is simply a delight.

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Phoebe Bridgers and Maggie Rogers’ “Iris” cover album art.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Back in February, we played at Beat Kitchen in Chicago with Heart Attack Man and One Step Closer to begin the only tour we would do this year. We hadn’t played there in years, but it felt so good to be back in that venue’s atmosphere again.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: My girlfriend, staying connected with my friends and family, riding my bike around the city, having time to somewhat enjoy summer at home in Chicago and revisiting favorite movies of mine.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Be kinder to others and kinder to myself.

PATRICK MIRANDA - MOVEMENTS

Best Album of 2020: Punisher - Phoebe Bridgers Best Song of 2020: Too many to pick just one Best Music Video of 2020: “Popstar” - Drake/DJ Khaled Most Underrated Album of 2020: Marigold - Pinegrove Best Movie of 2020: Borat 2 Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Cranberry juice skateboard guy Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: LDB Fest in Louisville Kentucky 2020, BC (before Covid) The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Video games and comfort food 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Let’s be honest, I’m not sticking to any resolutions

BRENDAN MURPHY - COUNTERPARTS

Best Album of 2020: I haven't even heard it yet, but I'm pretty sure it'll be the new Seahaven record. Band fucking rocks and I've been waiting like 6 years for new music.

Best Song of 2020: The 1975 - “If You're Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

Best Music Video of 2020: It's a tie, but I'm gonna have to go with “Spirit Halloween Theme Song” and the follow up “Unleash Your Spirit” both by Nick Lutsko.

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Chamber - Cost of Sacrifice

Best Movie of 2020: I don't think I've watched any movies that came out this year other than the new Borat, so I guess that's my pick by default. It was VERY NICE!! I wish I could marry the movie so the movie could be MY WIFE!! Get it? You get it. We all get it. It's great.

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Again, I've been slacking in terms of newer movies/tv and honestly, I just kinda alternate between watching The Simpsons seasons 3-9 and then watching Kenny Vs Spenny from beginning to end. If you haven't seen KvS, the entire series is on YouTube so please just watch it. I promise it's the best thing to come out of Canada... me being the second best.

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: When we released the embroidered NLTL hoodie and everyone filled their diapers with shit.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Tough call, but it's gotta be either the Chainsmokers concert in the Hamptons or the biker festival in Sturgis that Smash Mouth played.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Alcohol, adopting my cat Kuma and finally being diagnosed with ADD so I could get a Vyvanse prescription.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Play a single show LMAOOOOOO

OSHIE BICHAR - BEARTOOTH

Best Album of 2020: Bring Me The Horizon - Post Human: Survival Horror Best Song of 2020: Bring Me The Horizon - “Parasite Eve" Best Music Video of 2020: Bring Me The Horizon feat Yungblud - “OBEY" Most Underrated Album of 2020: Silverstein - A Beautiful Place To Drown Best Movie of 2020: Tenet Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Baby Yoda memes Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Beartooth drive-in show in Oshkosh, WI The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Call of Duty: Warzone 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Stop spending so much money on Star Wars toys

TRAVIS MIGUEL - ATREYU

Best Album of 2020: Insect Ark - The Vanishing Best Song of 2020: clipping. - “Say The Name” Best Music Video of 2020: Billie Eilish - “Everything I Wanted” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Thundercat - It Is What It Is Best Movie of 2020: The Social Dilemma Most Binge Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Any of the “My Plans for 2020” memes Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Atreyu - Melbourne, Australia @ Max Watts, Feb 2020. Things that helped you get through 2020: Guitar, video games, hanging with the wife and cat, finishing an album, Atreyu “Carry the Fire” livestream and lots of junk food. 2021 New Year Resolution: Gonna try to have more of that PMA.

MATT BRYNE - HATEBREED

Best Album of 2020: Napalm Death - Throes of Joy In The Jaws Of Defeatism

Best Song of 2020: See question #1. Pick any song from it.

Best Music Video of 2020: I don’t have one. I miss the infant days of MTV when music videos were new, fresh and hypnotizing. I used to sit for hours and wait for the Van Halen “Jump” video to come on. So, I’ll go with that music video for this question. Can I do that?

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Hum - Inlet

Best Movie of 2020: The Mandalorian series. I rarely watch full movies anymore. It’s all about getting sucked into a TV series.

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Can’t choose only one. The Queen’s Gambit, The Mandalorian, Living With Yourself, Dead To Me…

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Anything posted on kookslams. I could surf that Insta account all damn day!!!

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: None. We have all been stuck at home. So, best attended/played/watched is me, myself and I crushing it on my basement practice jams. Or falling down the rabbit-hole watching drum solos or drum clips on youtube.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: 1- I got married in May so that was a huge event that we made happen and enjoyed, given the current craziness. Couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day. 2- Our dog, Ziti. He is a constant source of entertainment. 3- Yoga. 4- Ripping around on my mini-bike.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Drink more water. Spend less time looking at my phone. Get back to playing shows again!!!

SAM BOWDEN - NECK DEEP

Best Album of 2020: Haim - Women In Music Pt. III

Best Song of 2020: Seaway - “Big Vibe”

Best Music Video of 2020: The 1975 - “The Birthday Party”

Most Underrated Album of 2020: I don’t really know what’s underrated and I’ve not listened to a bunch this year but Knuckle Puck 20/20 is a great album that people should go check out if they haven’t already.

Best Movie of 2020: The Trial of the Chicago 7

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Schitt’s Creek. Although this wasn’t strictly all released in 2020, the final season was and I hadn’t seen any before this year. It was amazing and I definitely binged the whole thing. Final season is a tear jerker for sure. Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Well like most people in music we didn’t get to play a show this year, however, I did attend a Counterparts show in Feb at Rock City which ruled! Static Dress were also on the tour so was great getting to finally see them!

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Call of Duty - Warzone. Can’t say I’m proud about this one but It helped pass time if nothing else. More serious though, I bought my girlfriend a kitten a few months ago and he’s been a bundle of joy for us. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Enjoy the little things. This year took a lot of normality out of life and it’s given me a lot of time to reflect and look back on things I’ve done and we’ve done as a band. It’s easy to get caught up and just be thinking about what’s next and not really live in that moment, so next year I’ll be savoring every moment and every show we get.

NICK VENTIMIGLIA - GRAYSCALE

Best Album of 2020: This is so tough but I think Deftones’ Ohms is my favorite album of the year.

Best Song of 2020: I really don’t know if I can pick one but my most listened to was “The Spell of Mathematics” by Deftones

Best Music Video of 2020: I absolutely loved the Bring Me the Horizon video for “Parasite Eve.” But also, the “Ohms” video by Deftones was unreal as well.

Most Underrated Album of 2020: There really are a few I believe. It was a very weird year to put out a record so I think a TON of albums flew under the radar which is a bummer because there was so much great music put out. I think Four Year Strong's Brain Pain was amazing and their best album to date. I think Hundredth’s Somewhere Nowhere was unreal. Rich People put out Harmony in August and I absolutely love that record and those boys. The Killers put a record out called Imploding the Mirage that has some absolute heaters on it as well. The Ghost Inside made a wild comeback with Aftermath that makes you want to go ape shit front to back. Finally, I’d say The Used made an amazing album that caught them right back up with making great music. Not that they didn’t on the previous records, but it feels like they found themselves again. They pushed a lot of boundaries on Heartwork and had some insane songwriting on that record.

Best Movie of 2020: To be honest, I didn’t really watch many new movies this year. The Social Dilemma was super eye-opening and very true. If you dig creepy thrillers, The Devil All the Time was probably top for me. A ton of great actors and just such an eerie vibe in the cinematography.

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: I feel like the easy answer is Tiger King, but I really dug The Queen’s Gambit and The Undoing as of late.

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: I hate the internet really, there is just so much bullshit overload that I can’t even process it all. With that said, when Joe Exotic threw on his EMS jacket when his employee got her arm bit off by a tiger, THAT was UNREAL. I was crying laughing. This man had this jacket for a moment like this. He is wearing this EMS bomber with king tight white jeans, a true fashion icon. The memes that followed were priceless. The “I am never gunna financially recover from this…” memes. So great.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: I would have to say the best show I attended this year was the Dashboard Confessional anniversary shows in Detroit. It was back to back nights where Chris played 'The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most’ and ‘A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar.’ in their entirety. He did some older stuff as well off of the ’So Impossible' EP and ‘Swiss Army Romance’ which rocked. Best show we played would have to be on our headliner earlier this year. We played The Observatory in Santa Ana, CA and it was unreal. Best watched show was probably the Puscifer live stream or the Underoath stream.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: I think it was the ability to write more than we usually are able to and kind of tighten up the behind the scenes aspects of Grayscale that people don’t often see. Beyond that, being able to spend time with loved ones and family has been great. It’s been a great year for self reflection as well and I feel like that’s always a good thing when you can get a fresh perspective on life when things get shaken up. I’ve been super thankful even more so this year for the people I have in my life and the opportunities I’ve been given. Those are some of the big things that got me through.

2021 New Year’s Resolution: Honestly, I am not much of a resolution guy, but I’d say just give my all to everything I am passionate about and treat everyone with love. Playing shows in 2021 would be absolutely ideal for a resolutions well.

JULIET SIMMS

Best Album of 2020: Starbenders - Love Potions Best Song of 2020: “You About To Lose Your Job” Best Music Video of 2020: In This Moment - “As Above So Below” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Creeper - Sex, Death and the Infinite Void Best Movie of 2020: Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Queen’s Gambit Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Ocean Spray Fleetwood Mac guy. Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: uhhhhh - welcome to hell. I attended exactly one concert this year and that was a live stream for BVB. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Music, YouTube, good shows, my babe, my pets and staying busy. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: To get the fuck out of the house 😂. On a more music related note - put my album out ✨

OLLIE BAXXTER - BROADSIDE

Best Album of 2020: Into the Raging Sea by Broadside Best Song of 2020: “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles Best Music Video of 2020: “Parasite Eve” - Bring Me The Horizon Most Underrated Album of 2020: Into the Raging Sea by Broadside Best Movie of 2020: Palm Springs Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: 90 Day Fiancé Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Anything involving our EX president Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: *one long sigh* The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: My miniature dachshund puppy and books 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Never take seeing someone's whole face for granted again

VINNIE CARUANA - I AM THE AVALANCHE // THE MOVIELIFE

Best Album of 2020: Songs For The General Public - The Lemon Twigs Best Song of 2020: “War” - Idles Best Music Video of 2020: I haven’t seen any Most Underrated Album of 2020: DIVE - I am the Avalanche Best Movie of 2020: On the Rocks Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Jeopardy on DVR. RIP ALEX TREBEK Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Four Seasons Total Landscaping Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Constant Elevation/ Rule Them All @ Max Fish NYC The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Jon Oliver, beer, weed, whiskey, Liverpool Football Club, friends, family, music. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: To spread more joy than ever

ALEX MAGNAN - YOUNG CULTURE

Best Album of 2020: Folklore by Taylor Swift Best Song of 2020: “How Big Is Your Brain” by Super American Best Music Video of 2020: “The Birthday Party” by the 1975 Most Underrated Album of 2020: Women In Music pt. III by Haim Best Movie of 2020: Tenet Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Ozark Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Pretending to break up my band Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Playing Tampa, FL back in March The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Zoom calls 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Be the best live band when shows come back

MAX BREMER - KINGDOM OF GIANTS

Best Album of 2020: Man there’s a few really good ones that make it so hard to choose. I really enjoyed Loathe’s I Let It In And It Took Everything but I gotta shout out Like Moths to Flames’s No Eternity in Gold and Bring Me The Horizon’s Post Human for sure.

Best Song of 2020: Another insanely hard question! I guess I’m gonna say “Teardrops” by Bring Me The Horizon but again I’m gonna also shout out “Animals” by Architects

Best Music Video of 2020: “Teardrops” by Bring Me The Horizon. If you couldn’t tell I’m a big fan of them haha

Most Underrated Album of 2020: Idk if I’d say it’s underrated but I absolutely loved Make Them Suffer’s How to Survive a Funeral

Best Movie of 2020: I haven’t even seen it yet, but I know it’s gonna be Tenet

Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Lovecraft Country

Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: There’s so many it’s hard for me to retain any of them. I can’t keep track.

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Well my band sold out every show we played this year which was only one haha but for real it was an awesome time and I love hearing our lyrics screamed back at us.

The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: My wife, our new daughter, Indi, and our album PASSENGER 100%

2021 New Year’s Resolution: My wife and I just had our first daughter so it’s gonna be to be the best father I can possibly be and write as many songs as possible until we can rip shows again.

NICK ANDERSON - THE WRECKS

Best Album of 2020: Punisher - Phoebe Bridgers Best Song of 2020: “Dying Breed” - The Killers Best Music Video of 2020: Nothing But Thieves - “Impossible” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Color Theory - Soccer Mommy Best Movie of 2020: The Go-Go’s Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Dave Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Four Seasons Total Landscaping Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: :( The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Pro Tools 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Spend more time outside of the studio

CAMM KNOPP - NEVER LOVED

Best Album of 2020: It’s hard to pick one, but a few I really enjoyed are Father Of All… by Greenday, Ugly Is The New Beautiful by Oliver Tree and RTJ4 by Run The Jewels Best Song of 2020: There has been so many amazing songs released this year it feels impossible picking just one Best Music Video of 2020: Any Oliver Tree music video from his recent album Most Underrated Album of 2020: Watchito Rico by Boy Pablo Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Tiger King Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Tiger King memes were pretty great Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Probably the Sugar Ray livestream The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Zoom parties, friends/family, writing music, netflix, and lots of self care 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Getting back on the road!

SHARPTOOTH

MATT HAGUE

Best Album of 2020: Purity Ring - WOMB Best Song of 2020: “Headlights on the Parade” - The Blue Nile Best Music Video of 2020: “When Doves Cry” - Prince Most Underrated Album of 2020: The Hot N’ Heavy - Drop Dead, Gorgeous Best Movie of 2020: Joker (shit was crazy bro) Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Devs Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Trump getting COVID Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: The only band I saw this year was Single Mothers. Their drummer is very handsome. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: HBO’s Oz 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Get yourself together. Move to Philly. Buy a loft. Start a noise band. Get 6 or 7 roommates. Eat hummus with them. Book some gigs. Paint. Smoke cloves. Listen to Animal Collective. Start some type of salsa company. KEITH HIGGINS

Best Album of 2020: Endless Twilight of Codependent Love - Sólstafir Best Song of 2020: “Oh Ruthless Great Divine Director” - Lingua Ignota Best Music Video of 2020: Hot Gospel or Cane Hill Most Underrated Album of 2020: Grave of a Dog - Sightless Pit Best Movie of 2020: Color Out of Space Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: The Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Trump getting COVID was top tier Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: LOL The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Destiny 2, dogs and a lot of repressing things 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Turn my brain back on and be a person again hopefully

LANCE DONATI

Best Album of 2020: Underneath - Code Orange Best Song of 2020: “Boss Bitch” - Doja Cat Best Music Video of 2020: “Swallowing The Rabbit Whole” - Code Orange Most Underrated Album of 2020: I Disagree - Poppy Best Movie of 2020: Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Mandalorian Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: The fly landing on Mike Pence’s head Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: Darkest Hour The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Writing music for the next album. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Get the next album process set up.

PETER BRUNO

Best Album of 2020: Poppy - I Disagree. While critics might write this off as a unique, albeit kitsch blending of genres, this record is one of the more satisfying emotional journeys I’ve been on in quite some time. Poppy is able to capture a strange sort of sadness within these songs, that ironically, is often read as mere jouissance. Best Song of 2020: Poppy - “Sick of the Sun” Best Music Video of 2020: Run The Jewels - “Ooh La La” Most Underrated Album of 2020: Sound VVitch - Becoming. Imagine taking something like Chelsea Wolfe but leaning more into an experimental direction that is both sonically beautiful and grotesque. Best Movie of 2020: I’m Thinking of Ending Things, directed by Charlie Kaufman. It’s a shame that a lot of movies got pushed back this year. I think because of this, I didn’t wind up watching many movies from 2020, instead I used the pandemic to try to catch up on films from the past that I never seem to find time for. Still, I’ve come to really appreciate the journey that Kaufman seems to always insist on taking me. Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: Admittedly, I also haven’t watched a ton of new TV shows this year. But, there were both new seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Eric Andre Show, which always finds a way to make me happy. However, in terms of 2020 itself, I did finally watch The Sopranos for the first time and it completely lived up to the hype. Just an incredible TV show all around. I also binge watched all of Tim Heidecker’s On Cinema at the Cinema, which is quite the ride. There’s a whole cinematic universe for that TV show, it’s insane. I give it five bags of popcorn. Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Conner O’Malley’s video where he learns how to communicate with trains got me pretty good. Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: I thought the Code Orange live stream acoustic set was pretty neat. The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: Marijuana and Magic The Gathering. 2021 New Year’s Resolution: Try not to die.

LAUREN KASHAN

Best Album of 2020: 1. High Road - Kesha. Basically, Kesha wrote an incredibly intense, emotional and fucking hilarious album about living her truth and telling all her haters to eat a dick and that’s really all I’ve ever needed in life.

2. “WAP” burned twelve times onto a CD-R from Best Buy. This one fucking song is a better album than 95% of anything I’ve ever heard and I’m a huge fan of anything related to black women kicking ass and taking names, sex and kink positivity, and insanely clever and funny lyrics. Plus, ANYTHING that makes weak, sexist, insecure men as BIG MAD as this song did is literally my kink.

Best Song of 2020: “My Own Dance” - Kesha.  Best Music Video of 2020: “Say Nothing (In The Absence Of Content).” Fuck anyone who disagrees, that shit is iconic. Second runner up goes to “The Gray” because Peter made that whole fucking video himself and it’s POWERFUL and I still cry every single time I watch it.  Most Underrated Album of 2020: Vagina Witchcraft’s self titled record. If you didn’t already notice, I’m pretty fucking done with listening to cis straight white dudes be ANGERY for half an hour; so this album is SUCH a breath of fresh air in a genre that’s become incredibly boring and derivative as of late. Listen to Vagina Witchcraft for sonically inventive, sludgy hardcore, bone-chilling vocal delivery and lyrics that are simultaneously calculated yet raw, and that ACTUALLY FUCKING SAY THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT AND RELEVANT AND SO FUCKING URGENT RIGHT NOW.   Best Movie of 2020: Miss Americana - The Taylor Swift documentary. One of the most validating things I’ve ever watched in my life and I ugly cried though the whole thing. I fucking love that woman. Most Binge-Worthy TV Show of 2020: I don’t watch TV… Does a YouTube series about voice actors playing D&D count? If so, my answer is Critical Role. Don’t try to binge it though, each episode is like 4 hours and there’s over a hundred episodes.  Favorite Internet Moment of 2020: Hardcore twitter taking my band way too seriously and as a result of their own hubris, accidentally blowing up our music video and record release, and getting us exponentially more attention than we would have if those losers would just finally learn to fuck off and leave us alone! NICE GOING MOTHERFUCKERS I OWE YA ONE! *blows a kiss* Also, everything Lizzo did. DID YOU SEE HER “FLY IN MIKE PENCE’S HAIR” COSTUME?!?!

Best Concert You Attended/Played/Watched in 2020: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOOD ONE.  I think the only live music related thing I even went to was a Drum & Bass show back in February in Brooklyn with Dimension, Sub Focus, and Culture Shock. I danced with my friends and drank Bright Fox. It was a simpler time.  The Thing(s) That Helped Get You Through 2020: D&D, getting a suet feeder to watch birds outside my window and my bootcamp, Launch Academy, with all my brilliant and incredible Boston 30 Cohort-mates. Also, the warm weight of knowing that this coming year, a lot of terrible, evil, abusive people in the world are gonna finally get their comeuppance and I’m making popcorn with EXTRA salt.  2021 New Year’s Resolution: Ohhhh I’m not going to spoil the surprise for you! But let’s just say I’m planning on using my new superpowers as a full stack software engineer, combined with my old superpowers as a vindictive and enraged bitch who hates rapists, to make the world a safer and more just place.

READ MORE: HERE ARE THE TOP 150 SONGS OF 2020

#Best Of #Best Of 2020 #The Amity Affliction #August Burns Red #Knuckle Puck #Movements #Beartooth #Grayscale #Juliet Simms #Broadside #Sharptooth #Underoath #I Am The Avalanche #Young Culture #Kingdom Of Giants #Never Loved #Hatebreed #Atreyu #Neck Deep

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #245

“i fell asleep at the wheel again, crashed my car just to feel again.”

What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Obsess over the appropriate amount of eye contact I make. What color is your mp3? Hot pink. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeup. Is there a song or lyrics currently super-glued in your head? "Popular Monster" by Falling In Reverse FUCK What can you go a day without doing? Uhhh a lot? I dunno... oh, drink water because I suck at that gah. I've gotten a lot better than I used to be tho. What can’t you go a day without doing? Touching some form of technology. Who do you spend most of your time with? Myself. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? Treat others with kindness. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I definitely think so. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Lol I have some of my own... but let's say it was a clean slate again. I'd put some macabre/gothic art of some sort up, probably. Of COURSE with meerkats making an appearance. What fruit is too sweet to you? Hm, I'm blanking. What was the last contest you have ever won: Uhhhh... I think the giveaway of two Silent Hill: Revelation things? That was forever ago. What was the worst hair cut you have ever had in your entire life: Looking back, the haircut I had before this one (short on the left, faded into still rather long on the right) I don't really like anymore. Looks fine in some pictures, but not most. What was the worst thing you have ever worn in your life: Oh I don't know. Probably some dance costume. Do you like any sort of animes: Yeah, a handful. I'd honestly like to watch more. Have you ever used someone for your own benefits: I don't think so. What is the worst cartoon you have ever seen: Oh boy, idk. There's some dumb ones, a lot that I've only seen peeks of. Do you like to type or write more: TYPE. Writing physically can easily make my carpal tunnel act up. I hated having to hand-write a few essays last semester... I had to stop frequently to roll my wrists and cringe and stuff. What color would you have your skin if you could change it: I'd like pale skin like I have, but I wish it was more flawless/porcelain-ish. SOOOOOO pretty ahahhhhhhhhahhhhhh Do you usually cook your own meals, or does someone cook for you: I usually have to throw something together in the microwave because Mom's barely home, but when she is home, she cooks. If someone cooks for you, do you always thank them for it: YES. YES. NOT SAYING ANYTHING IS SO FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL. What do you do during the day: Almost without question, SOMEthing on technology/usually computer. As for what I do on technology, boy, a lot a lot. I don't even feel like listing it all. When you are online what do you normally find yourself doing: ... Oh, lmao. Uhhh binging YouTube, writing on or just checking up on KM, dA browsing/cleaning my drowning inbox, Facebook, "working" at the SH and SotC wikis, playing games, roaming Tumblr, check my emails, uhhhhhhh,,,, What is the most hated item you own: I wouldn't... keep it if I hated it? Uhhhh yeah, I honestly don't know. What is your favorite item you own out of all the items you have: My iPod, really. I have over 1k songs on this old-ass nano that I've had since middle school. I guess my laptop is kinda tied, but idk. Like, I don't love this laptop itself, just that it allows me to go online at a decent speed lmao. I guess they're my favorites in different ways. So, do you think that you will get where you want in life currently: Not stopping pushing for it 'til I get it. Why is that so. May I ask: I'm "too" determined. It's been a struggle getting to even where I am, but FUCK, I'm getting there. Do you like Halloween: I can't fwu if you don't. Has a teacher ever flirted with you? Not to my recollection. Is it okay for friends to kiss each other, as friends? Personally, I think a simple peck is fine IF that's your thing and it's mutually understood that it's platonic. Ex., I know greeting kisses are normal in some cultures, and I see no reason to shame it so long you're not like making out. Is it okay for girls to hit boys? Fuck no. Unless you're like fighting off an assailant/defending yourself, NO gender hits ANYONE. Do you know a lot of attractive boys personally? I've never thought about it? I'm not gonna dig through all the people I know rn... What happens if you realized you had a crush on somebody? More than anything, I'd be scared of being hurt again, particularly if it's a guy. So I definitely wouldn't make the first move. Do you think you are attractive? No. Which two of your friends would have the cutest baby together? I don't know. How do you feel about your naked body? DON'T COME AT ME WITH THIS QUESTION GO AWAY Have you ever been called obnoxious? No. At least, not to my memory. Do you wish you had a bigger family? No, but a more close-knit one. Which friend would you kiss full on the mouth, no questions asked? Sara. If somebody smacks your butt, you automatically say: I wouldn't say shit, I'd turn around and smack them across the face. How often does your family life conflict with your social life? Pretty much never. Have you ever been emotionally abused? No, thankfully. Do small children like you? They seem to, I guess. If karma is really true, should you be worried? Not very. What makeup do you wear on a daily basis? None. Do you have anything hidden in your room? Yeah, some saved money. What do you wish you were doing right now instead of this? It'd be great to talk to Sara. If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? Oh I'm going to the fucking hospital for that epidural fren. If I even wanted kids. What was the last thing you ordered online? Uhhh good question. Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? Well, actually the entire time I was ON anti-depressants. Because I'm bipolar, anti-depressants actually ramp up the aggression of bipolarity symptoms. How, I don't recall the science of, but I trust every word that comes out of my psychiatrist's mouth for many reasons. That definitely happened. One also made me gain weight, and the worst instance was in middle school when I was briefly on one that made me SO fucking hyper and happy in the morning but I crashed into an absolute bitchy monster by mid-afternoon. Now a combination of mood stabilizers helps both my bipolarity and depression immensely and are the main reason I'm alive. Are you allergic to any plants? I mean, I'm allergic to pollen. Are you an outdoors person? If the weather is cool, I love it. Does your past bother you? Some parts of it. Do you take risks or play it safe? I tend to play it safe. What forms of art do you like the best? This is an absolutely impossible question. "Art" has such an incredible range of forms, and I enjoy like... all. I guess the one thing I don't particularly care for is abstract art. What forms of art do you want to try? HYPERREALISM IN DRAWING. I REALLY wanna be able to draw/paint/whatever and make it look so true to life, BUT I'd like to add fantasy aspects to what I'm making (for example, my characters). I'd love to do portraits, too. This isn't really a "type" of art, but one thing I desperately want in art is to actually develop my own recognizable style that isn't just a wobbly attempt at realism with shitty proportions. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn's dope. Has a medication ever made you itch? No. What’s your favorite rainy day activity? Cuddle with snacks and like binge a good TV show/YT videos, etc. BUT considering I'm single I'ma just take a nap if I'm actually tired and you can hear the rain on the window. Do you put creamer in your tea? I wonder how many times I'll tell surveys I hate tea lmao by the end of my life lmao. What do you think are some good names for twins? I don't care enough to think about this. What are three things that fascinate you? Animal behavior (particularly social), the paranormal, and genetics. Would you say you live more in the past, present, or future? Present, I think. Have you ever been a victim of a crime? Not me personally, no, but my family. We had our basketball hoop stolen from our front yard and I was mega tilted yo. Does injustice make you angry? More like it infuriates me. Do you have the bad habit of procrastinating? Very badly. Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? I both am and am not afraid of running into Jason. I have a very strong feeling I'd start having a PTSD episode (by that I mean hyperventilating, crying a bit, and shaking at the very least), but simultaneously I just want him to know I'm sorry. Do you have anyone you avoid? No. Do you have the same dreams now that you did as a kid? No. Who’s your crush? I don't really know if I have one right now. My old friend Ian and I started talking, and he's a fucking hilarious dude with similar ethics to mine with great compassion, but I still don't know him well enough to say I like-like him. I'm honestly just happy to have an irl friend again that actually talks to me regularly. Do you trust the government? I believe in WAY too many conspiracy theories to even try to convince anyone I trust the government lmao. Who do you want to meet in Heaven? I don't know exactly what sort of afterlife I believe in (it's not the traditional Heaven though), but I do believe that souls can reunite. The first thing I want to see again is Teddy. Does your school take sports too seriously? Considering we're well-respected in the sports field to the degree we draw in a huge number of foreign athletes, guess you could say yes lmao. Most of the people I even slightly know here came for sports. If there are bruises on your body, how did you get them? There aren’t. Would you ever go back in time to do something over again, but differently? Yes. Where did you kiss the last person you kissed? The airport. Have you thought about your wedding in detail? Not great detail, no. Do you think you could ever really kill someone? In self-defense, I know I could. Do you like Papa John’s pizza? I couldn't even guess the last time I had it. I don't remember. Do you attend school? Yeah. Do you call it a crush, or do you just say you like someone? The latter. Where were you when the ball dropped? In my bed asleep lmao. Where are your siblings? Probably all at work. Waffles, pancakes, or french toast? French toast. Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? Not really, but I WILL wonder to myself if you believe in some of the bullshit just about every religion has somewhere. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? YUP YUP YUP! Mainly irl tho. Have you ever painted your nails on only one hand, forgetting about the other one or getting side-tracked? No. Have you ever gone to one of those parties where everyone is falling around drunk everywhere? No. Been to one where everyone was high, though. Are you “the good guy”, or “the bad guy”, or somewhere in between? I'd hope the good guy. Do you ever erase the numbers off of surveys just because they annoy you? Ha ha yeah. Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now? Yes. Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one? Yes, all but one. What do you hear right now? "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Proud as fuck because this song was a MASSIVE PTSD trigger at first and even made me cry, but despite it still making me kinda uncomfortable, I can listen to and enjoy it now. If an ex said they hated you, what would you say? The only three people whose opinions would matter there would be Sara, Girt, and Jason. Sara and Jason would fucking break me, while I think Girt would of course make me cry, but I just. Wouldn't be surprised to lose another irl friend. I'd be so fucking hurt by any. OH YEAH, what would I say? I think Sara would have me speechless. I'd probably just choke out, "I don't blame you," to Jason. Girt, my first instinct pondering this was "are you serious?" because he's such a joker while my stomach dropped. What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her, but still feel kinda sad that it wasn't me. What do you think when someone kisses you on your forehead? If I like the person, I feel very comforted. It like... makes me feel small, safe, and permitted to just let my emotions loose, ex. be "allowed" to cry. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check my phone to see the time. Truthfully, is there someone you used to date that you miss? I don't want to answer this. Do the math. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you brush your teeth right away when you wake up? No. Have you ever made someone laugh when they were crying? Yeah. Would you date someone three years older than you? Yeah. Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Actually as of recently, the morning. It's a nice way to start the day clean and energized. Could you handle living with the last person you texted? I'd love to live with her. Was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? It was assigned, but I loved it. Have you accomplished any goals you set for yourself this year so far? Not really? Well no, I think I'm being a less procrastinating student and also not fleeing so quickly from situations that invoke my anxiety. Are there still movie rental stores where you live or have they all gone out of business? SOBS Blockbuster come BACK we NEED u. What was the last thing to annoy you or make you upset? Eh, it was stupid and something that realistically isn't worth being annoyed by. I was SUPER bored and tired yesterday waiting for Mom to finish her field work while I waited in the library after classes, and I was so ready to go home, but she stayed longer than she thought she would. Do you think you would be a good match for your celebrity crush/es assuming you have one? Why? If you don’t have one, who was the last person you saw that you found attractive? Actually, not really. He's way too motivated and drawn to people who push forward and get shit done, and just in general at least from how I "know" him as a fan I could only realistically see us as friends. But a fangirl can dream ok just let me dream. When looking for something to watch on TV do you tend to pick shows you know you like, or try new shows that look interesting even though you’ve never heard of them before? I'll answer hypothetically if I watched TV: probably something I know I like. Might get adventurous every now and again and try something new, though, especially if it's on a channel I like. How old were you when you had your wisdom teeth removed? I haven't had to. I juuuuust slightly have enough room where I DID have them grow in. Where was the last job application you filled out sent to? Uhhh probably the deli, which I got and lasted for two hours my first work day lmao. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. What do people tell you your voice sounds like? I dunno, kinda deep for a girl and lacking an accent most of the time. What financial class are you? Lower. What poster is hanging closest to you? A huge Nightmare Before Christmas one. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Maybe if Ian did? Idk. It'd be a nice way to get to know more about each other, but I'd only agree to it after we talked a bit longer. Does your family keep tons of leftovers in the fridge? Not "a ton." Things we'll eat again though, yes. Favorite FRIENDS character? That is, if you like it. I haven't watched it. Are you thinking of getting another piercing? Where? Hell yes. Pretty sure next is collarbones if I could just lose a little bit more weight so they're more visible. Do you love when people remember little things about you? YES OMG!!!!!!!!!! Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Yes, I just think it's common good manner. Even though the reasoning behind it is whatever, it's a societal thing that I just go along with. How many phones have you gone through? Idk, not too many. Have you always lived in the house you currently reside in? No.

#survey #questions #quiz

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valhalla-awaitsfor-us · 5 years ago

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My last 10 years, a little catharsis by me

In the last 10 years happened a lot and I changed so fucking much. I just wanted to write it down before going crazy with feelings

Trigger warning

School years

10 years ago I had just changed schools. I was twelve and my new school was Catholic. I’ve never believed in anything. It was the first time I went to Mass, and I remember confusing the word "Osana" with Obama. Everyone laughed, myself included. In my old school people were not very nice and education was deplorable. But I had one or two friends, and my crush, who was also my friend. The first year after changing schools I lost contact with all of them.

In the first year of school I met who I considered my best friend for the longest time. For two years she was my only friend. At that time, I was extremely afraid to speak out loud, I was afraid to look people in the eye, I was afraid not to think like the rest. In retrospect, my social anxiety began at the time, but I didn't know it. Not yet.

Two years passed and the school made us decided between 3 modalities of studies: “Social Sciences”, “Natural Sciences” or “economics”. I chose social and my best friend economics. We were separated, but I thought it would be fine. I made a new friend. A girl I connected with right away. My old crush from the other school texted me, and we became friends again. My grades were decent and life was good ... And then naughty rumors spread about me. My new friend stopped talking to me, and started bullying me like the rest of the school. They made me trip over on the stairs, nobody talked to me, everyone laughed. The school never intervened. In fact, they blamed me. I remember that on a 15th birthday, the birthday girl had a giant screen where people could send messages to be projected. All were congratulations on her birthday. And then, suddenly a humiliating message addressed to me appeared on the screen. More than 200 people saw that message. Sometime later my crush got a girlfriend and stopped talking to me. And shortly after that I discovered that my father cheated on my mother with more than one woman.

For a full year I was alone and scared all the time. Alone at school, alone at home. I only had my dog. For a whole year I was almost mute. I start writing suicided notes, that then I would burn. My depression started at that moment. And yet, I didn’t know it.

When I turned 16 bullying decreased. My new friend, the one who had also made fun of me, apologized and we became friends again. It was a… decent year, I guess. My father knew that I knew, but he never said anything, and I kept hiding the secret, feeling how it was eating me alive which each day passing.

I was 17 in my last year of high school. It was a good year, full of decisions and emotions. I felt comfortable, comfortable to be myself for the first time in my life, even when I didn't know who I was. At the end of that year, my classmates and I went to the typical “graduation trip” that every school makes in my country. A trip to the snowy mountains of Bariloche. For a week we were going to ski during the day, and go clubbing at night. During that trip I got drunk for the first time, and in tears I confessed to my friends (yes, plural!) that my father was cheating on my mother. It was the first time I said it out loud and I felt liberated. When we returned from the trip we continued studying. I started going out to clubs to dance and gave my first kiss one of those nights with a drunk idiot. When the year ended I only failed of math, but I was already used to it. In my graduation I fought with my mother and ended up crying.

College

I decided I was going for a 4 years’ degree, Im not sure how to called it on English, in Social Communication.

But first I went to study English in New York for a month. During that month I lived in the campus (We don’t have campus in Argentina, so it was crazy for me!!), and my roommates were from Peru and Brazil. There I met 5 girls who changed my life. The six of us became very close, even though we have lost contact in the present day. During that month I felt a freedom that I had never felt. I felt really alive. Live to not be afraid to express myself, live to defend myself and make me respect, live as if to forget, for at least 4 weeks, that I had anxiety and depression. That month was the happiest of my life.

Then, I had to go back to Buenos Aires. I tried to get accepted into university to study "Social Communication", and I had to take 4 exams. I passed 3 with honors, but I failed in math. But it didn't matter because by the time I failed the exam I didn't even want to study that anymore. I decided that I would be a film student. And I did it. I enrolled for a 3-year film degree.

In college I met my best friends. The two girls I met at school are my oldest friends. But the people I met in college are my family. And when everything finally seemed to be calming down ... my father left us, my aunt died and my dog died. All in less than two weeks. I remember that my aunt died a week before Halloween. Because I went to a party at the house of a friend's acquaintances and got drunk. I ended up making out with a guy who had been flirting with me for a while. It was my first and last made out session to the date. He tried to contact me after, but I never answered his texts. I still think about him.

My mom fell into severe depression.

I had to take care of keeping my father away, and going to appointments with the lawyer with her for the first few years. I lost contact with my paternal grandparents. My grandfather stills ignore me when he sees me.

I still miss my dog every day and I know that I am guilty of the circumstances of his death.

But I keep studying, becoming my mother's emotional rock, and allowing her to heal. I was 18 and alone, dealing with everyone emotions, and just wishing to die. My father harassed me in the meantime.

But I keep studying and graduate at the age of 21.

My mother never thanked me, with words or actions. Now she is obsessed with living the perfect life and dating a bunch of men. She is unstable and sometimes I don't sleep waiting for her to come home safely. I don’t feel attracted to anyone, I don’t feel like having sex. I’ve never had my “sexual” awakening so Im starting to think Im in the ace spectrum. She said Im just frigid ad Im gonna die alone if I don’t star using my body to get men… We live fighting and I'm exhausted. Im not the daughter she wanted, and she is not scared of telling me that.

This past year I specialized in script writing along with a friend. But I'm still unemployed, and all my free time makes me think things I shouldn't be thinking. My depression evolved. Before it was just sadness and now it's also rage. But I no longer feel guilty for speaking my mind or looking people in the eyes. I'm fed up. All my life I lived feeling bad, but what these last years’ taught me is that I am worth more. And although anger is not the right way, it sometimes helps you to leave behind those negative feelings that people like me usually have about ourselves. I was so fed up, so angry, that I start speaking my mind. Yes, my anxiety is still there. But I came a long way from that shy girl who would talk for a whole year. Im watching my cousin grow, and the inspire me to do better. I fight with my friends but I love them, and I know they will always be there for me. I feel numb most of the time, thanks to my depresion, but at the same time I cant deny Im changing in some way.

And that… that think is a good start.

#me #sol #personal

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meetmeatthecoda · 6 years ago

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EVERY FRUIT IN THE BASKET

OMG

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos?

nope. i had my ears pierced for a few months a year or two ago but they kept getting infected so i just let them close 🙁 i’m also on the fence about a tattoo. it would be small and tasteful if i got one but idk.

raspberry: favorite flower?

i’m not super into flowers… i love taking photos of them but i couldn’t tell you what they are. aside from the obvious ones LOL i think roses are pretty 😊 🌹 also honeysuckle smells good!

lemon: do you have any pets? what are their names?

YES i have an adorable and sweet kitty named Lily 😍🐱

mango: what is your trademark?

LOL rampant anxiety? sorry, it’s been that kind of day 😂 idk, i would hope it’s just like being a nice, supportive person that people can talk too and also really loves music 😊

passion fruit: how would you describe your style?

ughhh this is hard. i feel like i don’t have one almost? LOL i’m really pretty boring and bland. but i think i would LIKE to be just chill but still tasteful. like, i like simple things: soft clothing, pretty jewelry, simple designs and logos, etc. i just like being comfy.

pineapple: sexual orientation?

straight 😄

strawberry: favorite desserts?

ALL OF THEM lmao jk kind of anything chocolate is my absolute fav, like i will literally sit and each a plain-ass chocolate bar, milk or dark. i LOVE chocolate. in any form.

cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing?

lmao yeah, i play flute and piccolo. and a tiny bit of piano. and i also played steel drums for a few years. and, despite the fact that i have a music degree, no, i cannot sing. it makes me sad 🤣

grape: if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

oooh. i think Scotland. i’ve always been obsessed with Loch Ness. i am determined to see it in person someday.

banana: favorite horror movies?

i don’t like horror movies. i’m a chicken shit 😂 but i do love A Quiet Place, if that counts! it’s more suspenseful than scary and it’s got a really wonderful story and also John Krasinski. what more could you want? 😂

blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama?

LMAO what a funny question, i love it 😂 definitely not an action film, i am a sloth. i dislike drama, at least in real life, so i try to steer clear. and, given the complete lack of romance in my life rn, i have to say a comedy. that also fits bc i am a ridiculous mess and what else can you do but laugh about that 😂

cantaloupe: what are your parents’ names?

mom and dad 😊

guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup?

no makeup LOL like i said, i’m boring af. i could certainly use makeup, probably, cause i’m not very pretty but i have not the slightest idea about what to use/how to apply it without looking like a clown lmao i can manage some mascara, that’s about it, but i usually just don’t bother, i’m too lazy 😂 i would like to get better at it tho! #goals

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be?

MERMAID. NEXT QUESTION.

plum: favorite clothing brands?

lol okay, i found something that’s NOT my style: style 😂 i know of absolutely zero clothing brands, i am t-shirts & jeans all the way. also yoga pants cause comfy. i told you, i’m boring! usually when i go shopping, which is rarely cause i hate it, i just gravitate towards pretty materials and colors and styles. i don’t pay attention to brands. i just like pretty, soft stuff ❤️

coconut: favorite perfume?

again, don’t wear any. but when i was younger and cared more, i guess, i loved a scent called “warm vanilla sugar”, i think! yummy!

lychee: satin or lace?

hmmm satin, i guess. lace looks too scratchy.

blueberry: what do you want to dress up as for halloween?

ahaha. i don’t really do this anymore BORING but i know one costume i never got to wear as a kid that i always really wanted to was Violet Baudelaire from A Series of Unfortunate Events! i loved the 2004 movie when i was a kid and i thought Violet’s dresses were SO COOL and i always wanted to wear one!

apple: what do you use more, tumblr or twitter?

tumblr! i don’t have/am not interested in a twitter 😁

kiwi: what’s something that fascinates you?

fandom. ships. love. not necessarily in that order 😂 also, unrelated, but the act of writing a full-scale composition. like, yeah, i have music a degree but it’s for playing an instrument. how tf do you write a symphony? that just blows my mind ❤️

watermelon: do you have a job? if so, what is your job title?

i’m a grad student, currently. i’ve also been going back and forth between teaching music lessons, so music teacher i guess 😊

papaya: what song describes your aesthetic?

oof. there’s so many to choose frommmmmm. okay. i’m gonna go with the first thing that popped into my head: The Music in My Headphones by Telepathic Teddy Bear. highly recommend, both the song and the guy. awesome music. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iJC8B0Jg-Y)

cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night?

NIGHT 🦉

nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person?

lol yeah. probably to a fault 😂 i probably seem pretty emotionless in public cause i’m not very demonstrative but i do go through the process of feeling everything very deeply in private.

orange: do you have long eyelashes?

ummm, no, not extremely, i don’t think. i wish i did 😂

dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol?

nope, not a fan 😊

Omg thank you so much, anon, this was a blast! Sorry i’m so boring though 😂 I hope this was somewhat entertaining though! 😊 Much love to you, friend! ❤️

send me a fruit (though i guess probably not cause i’m about to answer all of them in the next ask 😂)

#Coda in real life #mine #send me a fruit #ask #anon #i am boringgg #:D #but thank you anon!#:)#much love!#<3

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dcarevu · 6 years ago

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Batman TAS: The Clock King

Hi, guys! Gee, it’s been a while! For another week or two, doing these blogs are going to be incredibly difficult to accomplish. It’s the last two weeks of my school semester, meaning that it’s crunch time. Overall, school has kept me so busy that watching the episodes has been doable, but writing about them has been a huge problem. It sucks, because doing this blog and venting my thoughts is incredibly satisfying. To be honest, if I didn’t include screenshots and captions for most of them (like how I used to do things), these posts would likely still be coming out regularly. But they are a lot of extra work. It more than doubles the creation-time, believe it or not. It is work that is worth it, mind you, it adds a massive leap in awesome-factor. But I just don’t have time for it at the moment. I have watched up to Robin’s Reckoning as of the moment I type this. Because of how far ahead that is without actually writing anything about those episodes, it’s going to be hard to write meaningful blog posts about them, simply due to the episodes not being as fresh in my mind. I will try to rewatch them (or at the very least skim through them and read about them). I’m in a bit of a rut. I didn’t want to stop watching episodes entirely, because I’d like to get through the DC Animated Universe in a somewhat timely manner (I’d watch an episode per night if only I could). Luckily, after the 10th of May I should be back at it in full. I’m likely way more excited about it than you are, but hey, I’m mainly doing this for me (with a hearty “welcome” to anyone who happens to discover and enjoy these along the way). Just figured I’d keep any readers updated! This is the last post for the next couple of weeks. I’ll check in soon! In the mean time…

“Thirty-seven pages? That would take a copier exactly one minute and forty-nine seconds. One more delay like this and you're fired!”

Episode: 25 Robin: No Writer: David Wise Director: Kevin Altieri Animator: Sunrise Airdate: September 21, 1992 Grade: B

So lately I’ve been watching these episodes using my Blu Ray copy, and receiving the screenshots from my DVD copy. There hasn’t been too much for variance, aside from one looking obviously better, but The Clock King is an example of a pretty drastic difference in how two episodes can be presented. The Blu Ray copy is much brighter than the DVD copy, and while that does allow us to see what is going on a little bit better in dark scenes such as when Batman and Temple Fugate face off inside the clock, it also makes other scenes uncharacteristically bright, and honestly a little bit tacky. Seeing Batman walking around in broad daylight is odd enough, but when you further get rid of the illusion of how cool he looks by upping the exposure an additional amount, it makes him look really out of place. In the series bible, I can see why they wanted to keep Batman only appearing after dark. In the real world, it would be a lot easier to see Batman as a normal guy in a dorky Halloween costume when not cloaked in the shadows or when the ability to see him before he attacks is present. Of course, this isn’t saying that if Batman were to see trouble during daylight that he should just ignore it. It makes sense to break the rule sometimes, and it’s not even a problem to me in this episode, I just don’t think that the remastering of the Blu Ray release does it any favors in this case. The brightness also brings out the budget, revealing a whole lot of bland blues, grays, and browns. These colors have not been shy since the beginning, but there is no disguising them this time.

Fugate is a villain who’s main flaw is not only how obsessive-compulsive he gets about his schedule, keeping track of things, being on time, etc, but also the fact that he extends this to other people. He expects them to fall in line with his standards. For example, he keeps track of how long he and Mayor Hill have been taking the subway together, and expects Hill to know his name just from that. Also, his employee/intern who brings him a stack of papers too slowly for his standards, because apparently a photocopier should only take “one minute and forty-nine seconds” on that particular stack. And then, the biggest one of all, when he expects Mayor Hill to immediately know the significance of the time 3:15. This is the time that Hill suggested Fugate go on his coffee break, indirectly leading to Fugate losing the court case, ruining his life and creating the Clock King. But this was seven years prior! If someone came up to you and went, “1:47!” would you have any idea what they were talking about? Sure, a lot of things have happened at 1:47, maybe even some significant things, but as far as what they are, most people probably do not keep track. Another theme that I noticed was the idea of hindsight. Have you ever been in a situation where you gave someone a mere suggestion, they willingly took it, and then when something happened to ruin it, they blame you and insist that they knew it was a bad idea? Right, of course in hindsight it’s easy to say that, but truth is, neither of you saw the consequences coming! On top of that, any bad things that happened were completely unrelated to what you suggested, and luck just did not happen to line up. Maybe if Fugate hadn’t gone on that coffee break at a different time than usual, something else would have happened (not to get Final Destination-y on you). Point is, Fugate is completely missing the mark by staying mad at Mayor Hill for that long, and it’s like the old saying goes, “Shit happens.” Ironically, for a man so precise and knowledgable when to comes to all things time and clock related, looking back in time without heavy distortion does not seem to be something he is capable of doing in this case.

The main thing I liked about this episode (as I think a lot of people did) was its incredibly cruel nature. Just how mean to a guy can the writers be? “All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy”. That’s a Joker quote (taken from The Killing Joke), and it’s something I think about from time to time. I often wonder how much is between a rational brain and a completely irrational one. How much subconscious effort does being sane take? What’s keeping any of us from letting go and succumbing to the lunacy? Do our minds even work that way? Well, I sure as hell don’t know. And nobody worry, I’m not even the least bit afraid of snapping or anything, hahaha. It probably greatly varies from person to person as far as what would be enough to drive them crazy. In Temple Fugate’s case, it was a lot less than it would take for the majority of us. But this is hammered home by the drama of him being late to court. The bloody browns, dramatic shadows, and violent ticks of a clock do not necessarily represent how Fugate sees the situation, but they are there to represent how the situation affects him. If we were to be affected like him, this is how we would have to experience the situation. After all, everything is relative. This is juxtaposed brilliantly by the prior scene where birds are chirping and the sun is shining. Fugate seems like an alien trying to act casually as he struggles to relax for those few seconds. This is also more from our point of view than Fugate’s. These two scenes being back to back make us feel confused and baffled over our villain, all while allowing us to understand him completely. To me, understanding does not necessarily mean that something makes sense to us. Understanding is knowing the why. But, as an analogy, someone can tell me why they like the taste of zucchini. But that doesn’t make it any more clear to me those reasons can be enough for someone can like it. It just is what it is, and the bottom line is that all of our realities are different. For Temple Fugate, this is an unfortunate reality.

The producers of Batman set a goal of having a crazy set piece at the third act of every episode. They wanted it to aid in the excitement and to be memorable. I’m pretty sure not all episodes did this (it would become formulaic is abused), but this, along with Prophecy of Doom are the two that come to mind as demonstrators of this concept. Unfortunately, the animation lacks the spark that it needs. Luckily The Clock King wasn’t infected by Atom disease, and so the climax downright corny like Prophecy of Doom, and seeing the inside of the clock was neat, but… It wasn’t beyond just neat. I wish we got a bigger sense of scale, seeing further to the bottom of the clock, and maybe getting some better angles along with quicker action. I wanted a sense of height like what Mayor Hill was experiencing from the outside, as he was tied to the clock-hand. Plus just better fighting. It was such a tease of an action scene. I wanted to be at the edge of my seat, but feeling that way would require forcing it. And I just don’t have that kind of energy, man. Sunrise tried, they really did. The scene (and the whole episode in general) looks passable. But the blandness holds it back. It’s like eating the macaroni and cheese from my college. It’s mac and friggin’ cheese. So of course it’s going to be edible. Of course I’m going to like it. But where is the usual flavor? Where is the element that I usually am head-over-heels for? I can make vague comments about what it’s missing or what I would personally do to make it better. But probably the most firm statement I can really make is only, “Just do it better next time.”

I feel bad for people like this. We’ve all met them. They hold themselves (and others) to an impossibly high standard. Think about how much energy that must use.

The shock of Fugate hitting his coffee break at an odd time. She’s worked with him a long time.

Batman’s idea of a nice, sunny day. As noted, it’s brighter on the Blu Ray. One of the scenes where the brightness adds to it. That tree is casting a shadow, but it almost looks like the clock is the one causing it...

The Blu Ray variant.

Great stuff! The tick of a clock gets louder and louder through the scene.

“Then perhaps this will teach you to be on time for a change.” This line holds so much weight, as to someone like Fugate, it cements the idea that one moment of leniency was one too many.

This drawing could have been a little more grotesque, but not bad!

“I take it taxi-drivers are no longer required to obey traffic signs.”

I find it a little whacky that Bruce Wayne noticed trouble from way down on the streets.

Bruce going through that car was animated incredibly strangely. It looked like he entered the car, but then it looked like he emerged from behind it. But anyway, maybe this was a Superman homage? In one of the Superman movies, he walked through a car and emerged completely changed. Batman doesn’t have that amount of speed, so maybe this is kind of like his version of it. In the shadows, where he belongs.

Wow, ugly screenshot. But see how odd it is to see Batman in the daylight?

Again, here is the Blu Ray version. And on a much better frame.

Why he didn’t hurl the explosive directly at Batman is beyond me. He just kinda threw it into the distance. Maybe as a warning (much like Walter White vs Tuco for any Breaking Bad fans).

See what I mean by blandness so far? A little more style would have gone a long way.

What an awful way to die this would be. Split in half by two hands of a giant clock. Imagine the impact this would have on Gotham if it had have worked.

A few bits from inside the clock, including Fugate’s apparent death. But Batman doesn’t seem to think he’s gone... Some of these drawings of gears frankly suck. The line-work just isn’t there. This episode felt like a Twilight Zone episode, I’ve gotta say. I think it had to do with the personality of the villain along with some of the events that happened. Batman and Twilight Zone... Now there’s a crossover with possible potential...

Char’s grade: B Next time: Appointment in Crime Alley

Full episode list here!

#dcau #dc animated universe #batman tas #the clock king #batman #btas #batman the animated series

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haught0pocket · 7 years ago

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Fic Writers Week - Day 4

The Devil’s In The Details- Highlight small details you loved in the fics you’ve read or written.

Okay, this is really tricky because I have to resist the urge to write pages and pages about @piratekane , @sensitive-pigeon , and @iamthegaysmurf .

Ah. I’ll write them anyway.

Also, I’m a day late because ... well, if you click “keep reading” you’ll see. I just had a lot to say.

This will be long, so I’m just giving it the chop right here.

Reader:

HEY. GUESS WHAT. We’re talking about i don’t mind you comin’ here again! (You will have to physically remove me from my computer to stop me from talking about this. So.)

There is no mentioning details without mentioning @piratekane , and the amount of work and dedication that is put into the incredible 80′s Mixtape AU. I could write an essay on the details, the attention to them, how accurate and good they are. But I’ll choose one from the latest installment (which I’ll never be over)

Waverly stands with her hands on her hips. “If you didn’t want to come on an adventure, you could have-” “I do!” Nicole insists. She squats down, just barely avoiding a moss-covered rock. “Which way are we going?” She peers at the map. Waverly drew it on a piece of large construction paper. She probably used the crayons Wynonna got her for her birthday. Everything is in shades of green: the trees and the leaves and even the lake. There’s a crooked brown line that runs from the bottom lefthand corner of the map, up and across the page in zigzag lines that makes Nicole twist her head back and forth as she tries to follow its winding path. It eventually ends at a large red ‘x’ over a few black circles in the middle of the green-blue lake. “We’re going to cut through the woods,” Waverly says proudly, jabbing her finger at the brown zigzag. “I even wrote when we’re taking snack breaks.”

Like. Where do I start? The construction paper Waverly used because - hey - she’s 9. All the shades of green because Waverly would do that, to be as accurate as possible on her little map. The fact that the crayons came from Wynonna (because this fic is from the POV of little Nicole, and little Nicole would note these things! a;lksfjjfgiuhiaj;iasejf!! [Sorry. Excited key smash]). Waverly writing down when they take snack breaks.

The details in the setting, the character behaviors, the items they carry around with them, they’re all just outstanding. Mindblowing. They immerse you, %1000, into this world. This is so much more than a story because of these details. So, so much more.

Without details, a story doesn’t really exist. This couldn’t be truer for 180, by @sensitive-pigeon . I don’t know if there’s anyone in the Wynonna Earp (fic reading) fandom that hasn’t read this. It’s so universally appealing.

Once again it’s incredibly difficult to choose an example of a detail I love. Because I love. Love. LOVE. all of them. Every single one. They are all pitch perfect and so full of purpose. Here’s a delightful one that is particularly fantastic (ch 2):

@ssssspaggeti2: #alphabase is anyone seeing this [photo attached] I think shes dead. its been six hours. Check raw stream nasa.gov LivingSpace2 cause the public is off at 4am. No sound on raw =/ @StetsonBot: houston’s not said anything so she’s probably sleeping after work, nbd @ssssspaggeti2: @MarsAlphaBase @NASA @POTUS houston we got a sleeper... @BotanyisBest: wow what a surprise!! 14:35 on Mars too. whats that like 2pm??? @CBSNews: @ssssspaggeti2, do you mind if we use your photo?@BotanyisBest: hahah rip @EarthToWaverly please draw on her

Pigeon created twitter personalities. And it’s not just that she created these twitter personas. Each one has a specific voice, a specific purpose. Excuse me while my brain explodes.

Oh no but wait there’s more. All of this? All of Alpha Base, the science behind this - it works. IT. WORKS. Not only is Pigeon a brilliant author, she’s an actual genius.

I’ll tell you right now, if I don’t stop here, I won’t stop.

I might be slightly obsessed with @iamthegaysmurf ‘s You’re Going To Find Your Way Back Home. (read: very obsessed) Haven’t read it? K. Go Read. Seriously, right now. Stop what you are doing, go read, then come back (if you so wish).

...... Did you read?

That was pretty great, right?

Smurf dug into a ridiculous amount of historical legends, myths, lore, etc, specifically for this Halloween fic. And then carefully adjusted them to make, big, incredible story. It makes it so intense and believable - the dedication and time that was put into researching all these factors she put in. Everything flows seamlessly, it’s Emily Andras level dedication to myths and lore and telling those stories. (Did you guys know that Emily is a total nerd for all things legend/myth/lore? This was the question I asked her on the reddit ama and she confirmed - yes, she is.)

Here’s a passage that is just ... whoa. You go to the movies for the visuals of it. But you read to get these kinds of descriptions (ch 7):

She can feel the jagged shards of bone littering the ground digging into her back and shoulders, ripping her flannel – and her skin – in places. Feel the razor-sharp claws tearing at her ribs and throat.

She can smell the putrescence on its breath, hot and fetid in her face. Smell the sour tang of its unwashed body, a century and a half of dirt and sweat and sulfur permeating its desiccated, leathery skin.

She can see its yellow eyes inches from her own. See them burning not with the color of the sun or spring flowers or the eggs that Waverly makes them for breakfast on their lazy Sundays, but with that of infernal hellfire.

She can taste the copper in her mouth where one of her teeth sliced into her tongue with the impact. Taste it mixing with the dust from the air and the clay from the ground and the ash from the aura that engulfs the creature, the flavor of it causing bile to rise in the back of her throat.

I mean. I think that speaks for itself. I can’t add anything to that. It’d just be air. It’s stunning.

Writer

Well, this was difficult. After all of that??

But here is a bit in You’re A Beautiful Thing that I am fond of:

She ran her fingers through those wonderful locks. It felt like silk. Like actual, real silk. The fact sort of confused her for a moment. No hair could truly be that soft. But it was. It really was.

Then a thought hit her.

Hands…

She laid the baby gently down in her lap and unwrapped the blanket, releasing the bundled up arms. Tears rolled down her face, and she sobbed, openly.

Waverly had been sitting quietly, letting the new mother wonder over her daughter. But at the sound of her sister crying, she went to sit next to her on the bed.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

Wynonna wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I was so scared of her hands.” She gazed in earnest into Waverly’s face. “But they’re so beautiful. Look at ‘em!” She took a little hand, and it immediately wrapped around her finger. “Oh my god,” now she whispered, staring once again at her daughter, awestruck.

Wynonna wondering at her new baby was always something I wanted to see, from the moment we found out Wynonna was pregnant. Because new babies are magical. So I just wrote it. (This was written before the finale)

And now I need to go do day 5! hahah

#ficwritersweek #day 4 #devil's in the details

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roomalthoughts · 7 years ago

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11.18.2017: blink-182 self titled album (14th year anniversary!)

In honor of blink-182 self titled album anniversary, I decided that I will write a post, talking about each song in the album and what it means to me. I started listening heavily to blink-182 when I was a sophomore year, around the time the rumors surfaced that blink-182 were getting back together after going to a hiatus. It was an exciting year because I got to listen Neighborhoods and it was a good album in my opinion.

1. Feeling This

When I first heard this song, I was in love with some guy that was on the swim team and I would sing this song with my whole soul and heart out as I drove to school before the break of dawn. This song would describe how I just wanted a one night stand with him because I thought he was cute and no strings attached. We were playing games with each other on and off for the next three years until he went off to college. It was a good time while it lasted, but I always saw this song as a short fling and nothing serious.

Favorite line:

Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer

2. Obvious

Now this song hits a nerve right now since I am still bitter about my past relationship. I know I will have it on repeat because it describes perfectly how I feel at the moment. This song stuck out like a sore thumb back when I first heard it when I was in high school. The reason why it struck out to me is because it was different to the blink-182 I listened to (I listened to I Miss You and Always first before this song). This has more anger to it and I remember listening to it on repeat before a swim meet so I could get myself pumped up.

Favorite verse:

I saw you again and again There's some room to move On to move on to move on And I saw you again and again How do we fix this if we never had vision

3. I Miss You

Oh this song.

The very first song that I listened to when I first discovered blink-182. I kid you not, I was OBSESSED with this song for the longest time ever. This would be my emo theme song. I love, love, love I Miss You and I know I would listen to it when I felt incredibly lost and lonely. I know this song it their most popular one, but I have to admit it is in my top five (along with Always and I’m Lost Without You). I remember the feeling I got when I first listened to it.

I was going through a rough breakup with the guy from the swim team (even though we were never official) and I felt really down and lonely. The ironic part was the guy who showed me blink-182 was heads over heels for me and even though he was sleeping around with many girls, I never had any deep feelings for him since I was just trying to ride solo my sophomore year in high school.

Anyways, discovering I Miss You was probably the highlight of my high school years.

Favorite verse:

Hello there The angel from my nightmare The shadow in the background of the morgue The unsuspecting victim Of darkness in the valley We can live like Jack and Sally if we want Where you can always find me And we'll have Halloween on Christmas And in the night we'll wish this never ends We'll wish this never ends

4. Violence

I kind of have to admit that at first, I never really liked Violence until I listened to it more and more. It eventually grew in me and I liked the lyrics because the metaphors that Tom uses in this song. Of course, he uses a lot of them in the songs that he writes, but this song has a magical spark in it. I also like how Violence has the back up voices (Mark and someone else) and it echoes and I think that is the coolest shit ever. I also love the ending with the guitar and I just think overall this song is just unique.

Favorite verse:

You speak and make time stand still And each time you walk right on by Like violence you have me forever And after Like violence you kill me forever And after

5. Stockholm Syndrome

Mark’s voice sounds so innocent in the first verse and then, I could hear the desperation in the second half. I just love how Tom and Mark switch singing in Stockholm Syndrome. Along with Violence, this song took a while for me to actually like it as well. Now looking back at it, I wish I could have listened to it more carefully because I could relate it to a certain level. I really don’t know why I never liked it at first, but whenever it comes on shuffle, I would always sing along to the second verse. However, this song has some dark feeling to it and I would relate it to my depression. I think my favorite lines would explain why...

Favorite lines:

I'm sick with apprehension I'm crippled from exhaustion And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

6. Down

Down, down, down...

This song never fails to make me smile yet sing along while head banging. I have no idea why I love this song so much, but there’s something to it that I can just latch on to. When I first watched the video, I swear I couldn’t get my eyes off of Tom and Mark (insert heart eyes emoji). I love the piano in Down and Mark’s voice as well. This song was crafted perfectly and I could not be more proud of these guys.

I remember listening to this song on repeat when times got rough when I was in college. I was going through an identity crisis and I just felt down. I would just plug my ipod and put on the song full volume on my car. I would look through the windshield and just think about ways to take my life.

Down would describe perfectly the times I felt like complete shit and I just wanted someone to take my hand and just say, “It will be okay. You will be okay. I am here for you.”

7. The Fallen Interlude

No offense to anyone that likes The Fallen Interlude, but I have to admit that it’s my least favorite song on the self-titled album. The drums are amazing, do not get me wrong, but there is something missing (probably Mark’s and Tom’s voices). I like how the lyrics are tying back to Down (hence: Down, down, down pick me up I’m falling).

8. Go

I have to admit that Go was my go to song before all the swim meets I had back in high school. It was on my pumped up playlist and I would turn it up full volume so I could ignore my teammates. I was the weird teammate who would have their headphones in and just look out the window. I always wanted time for myself to focus and just calm my nerves down. Even though it is a sad song in general, it has such great rhythm and I love Tom’s backup voice as well.

Favorite verse:

Why do evil men get away with it Can't you see that I'm in a world of shit Turn your back on hope and go back inside Stop my bleeding heart and let the engine die

9. Asthenia

I like the beginning of Asthenia. It has some tv noise going on and I really like it because not many songs start out that way. It is original in its on way and along with the drums and guitar sounds. I always imagine this song as Tom being stuck in space and shit considering that Tom is obsessed with aliens. Along with Tom being obsessed with aliens, I always saw Asthenia as a song that was about wanting to go back to the past, but knowing that fixing it won’t do much. There’s a nostalgic sound to it and I just absolutely love it (especially in the ending where it connects to Always).

Favorite line:

Is somebody out there will somebody listen

10. Always

Oh shit.

The feels that Always brings. It never fails to make me feel all lovely dovey and making me want in the fucking video with Tom and Mark (that girl got lucky). I just love the song overall and it is just perfection. It never fails to bring out the romantic side of me that I always side and I could belt it out no problem. When I first listened to Always I just fell in love with it. I just wish I had someone at the moment to sing it to. It is always fun singing along to Always when you have someone special in your life and you’re trying to express your deep love to them and trying to fix things.

The video is my all time favorite of blink-182. The distortion is pretty badass and I have never seen anything like it before and I think that is pretty sweet. :)

11. Easy Target

If you want a song that describes my ex to the T, this is it. Just replace Holly with Jeremiah and you got it. Shit you not.

However, I don’t want to ruin this song with a shitty ex of mine. This song is just awesome with Travis’ badass drumming skills and Tom deliverance (even though there is some bitterness to it and I just love it). I just love how upbeat this song is even though it talks about a shitty ex, haha. I guess you always have to look at things the positive side. Overall, Easy Target is just awesome. There are no words to explain my love for it. :)

Favorite verse:

Holly's looking dry looking for an easy target, Let her slit my throat give her ammo if she'll use it, Caution on the road lies lies and hidden danger, Southern California's breeding mommy's little monster

12. All Of This

Okay, it doesn’t get much sweeter with Robert (the singer of the Cure) with blink-182. I was THRILLED when I discovered this song because I always liked the Cure and I just love Robert’s deep, soothing and romantic voice. Along with the sadness the song carries, I love how it ties back to Easy Target (with Tom using the name Holly again, assuming that it might be an ex of his that he has a lot of anger towards to). But again, there is something deeper in this song.

When I first heard it, I didn’t really capture the message, until later on I was like “oh fuck.” This song would describe a triangle relationship going on. Someone is with someone else that they really don’t love and they’re always thinking about someone that they desire deeply. I was naive when I first heard All of This, but now since I am older, I can see the picture and yet, my love for this song still remains great.

Favorite verse:

With all of this I know now Everything inside of my head It all just goes to show how Nothing I know changes me at all Again I waited for this to change instead To tear the world in two Another night with her But I'm always wanting you

13. Here’s Your Letter

Depression.

That is what the song is talking about (maybe I’m wrong) but listening to it, there’s just hints here and there how one can feel lost and lonely. How one can think about ways to kill themselves. Or just being nuts about someone who doesn’t really love us back as much as we would like. I mean, the song title says it all, but I could be wrong.

Favorite line:

My life just lost all meaning

14. I’m Lost Without You

If you really want to make me cry my eyes out play I’m Lost Without You and I shit you not, I will be crying and be going through shit ton of Kleenex boxes. This song will always hit a nerve for me.

The reason why it will always hit a nerve for me it’s because I always played it when I go through a rough breakup. You become attach to this wonderful person and they become your everything until one day, they wake up and don’t love you anymore. That love they claimed for you just disappeared and you have no fucking idea what the hell happened. You have no idea why they stopped loving you or what you did to them to make them change their minds. It hurts so much.

It literally kills you inside and Tom nails the feelings in I’m Lost Without You. You cannot deny the emotions that this song carries and it just brings all these feelings back (which I don’t mind because I really need to learn how to feel emotions). When I first heard it, I seriously started crying because it is such a sad song and just the way Tom delivered it has so many raw emotions and not many songs these days have that.

Overall, I’m Lost Without You is just a wonderfully made song with many emotions to it. And I absolutely love it.

Favorite verse:

I swear that I can go on forever again Please let me know that my one bad day will end I will go down as your lover, your friend Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin

15. Not Now

Apparently, Tom said this Not Now was about death, but the whole blink-182 fandom went batshit crazy saying that it was a goodbye song to all of us fans (when blink-182 was breaking up). It was quite hilarious because I joined the fandom once they got back together and I was looking through the interpretations for Not Now.

The video itself is pretty sad because it is just a replay of blink-182 memories of being together (concerts and stuff). But the funny part is that, in their next album, Ghost on the Dance Floor was a tie back to Not Now (from what I read) and I think that was pretty cool of Tom to just tie songs together.

Not Now is the perfect song to end a great album. From starting off crazy to ending with an emotional song.

Favorite line:

Please stay, until I'm gone I'm here, hold on, to me I'm right here, waiting

blink,

Thanks for gifting all of us such a great album.

#blink 182 #personal thoughts #blink 182 self titled album

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omgthisisnotmyrealaccount · 7 years ago

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From what you've reblogged about the controversy that's happening right now with dnp, what are your personal opinions on the matter? If you wish to discuss it, I'm interested in what you think.

damn it, my one weakness: people asking me to share my irrelevant opinions.

in short i’m angry at them. dan fucking acts like a magical super liberal who has grown so much since his days of a problematic idiot. yeah he’s no longer being explicitly offensive but he’s sending out the message that being like that is okay (again im not really talking about phil because there is no way in hell he is ever going to talk about this). i at least want them to fucking talk about it, is that too much to ask???

i’m also just really fucking sad. when i first got this blog my life was fucking miserable, i literally couldn’t leave the house, i was going mental and i needed a space where i could be unapologetically positive and get weirdly emotional over the lives of two random guys without shaming myself. it made me happy, it still does. or it would if it wasn’t for the fact every time i see their faces i’m reminded of the fact that apparently racists are just fucking great to hang out with.

i still want to talk about how i’m looking forward to the halloween baking video or obsess about the tiny cute things they did in that last liveshow. and every 2 minutes i’m like ‘i’m just going to ignore it and talk about the nice dan and phil that live in my head’ but that doesn’t work because it still happened and nothing will ever change that and they won’t even talk about it.

and it sucks because wow some people in this fandom are fucking awful. like i got hardly any hate because i’m a small blog but like wow i only follow like 20 dnp accounts so i never really know what the rest of the fandom is like but this has been a real eye opener.

so yeah this is my opinion, i hope you enjoy me reblogging a dnp thing, then feeling like shit because of it and then making a post about how i feel about it.

(full disclaimer this all could change in the next 5 minutes, i am very indecisive, i changed my mind like 7 times just while writing it)

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ashlyreads · 7 years ago

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82 Truths Tag

I was tagged by @theprintedgirl for this. Thanks so much love! Eeek, not to actually talk about myself. Well, here goes.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, write a post with 82 truths about yourself and then tag 25 people

My Favourites:

Animal: Penguin

Colour: Yellow

Drink: COFFEE (as I’m drinking my second cup of the morning...)

Food: Tacos

Time of year: Fall (Halloween in particular)

Films: The Princess Bride

Book: One is Nimona by Noelle Stevenson

Subject in school: English

Flower: Sunflower

Fruit: Cherry

About Me:

I’m on the upside toward 30, and I’m way too old to still be on tumblr.

I’m bi.

I’m a barista at Starbucks, I am working on actually finishing a novel, and I also do freelance writing work.

I travel a lot. Recently I went to the UK, in October I’m heading to Disneyland, I’m thinking about a trip to Machu Picchu this winter, and I’m also contemplating a trip to Amsterdam (and to revisit Paris) next spring.

I have a bookstagram and a travelgram which I love dearly. You can find me @ ashlyreads and ashlytravels.

I just bought a Voltswagen Beetle Convertible because it’s been my dream car for 5 years and I said fuck it DOING IT.

I once willingly jumped out of a plane.

I will literally point out every dog I see if I’m with someone.

I recently started cross stitching again. It’s something I enjoyed when I was younger, and I’m enjoying it just as much now.

I have OCD and depression.

Most recent:

Phone call: My mom

Text: A Tumblr post about The X Files to my two closest friends.

Food: Lucky Charms (Cereal)

Drink: Coffee

Book: Aquaman, Vol. 1: The Drowning by Dan Abnett

Purchase: A book.

Song I listened to: “Love Always Remains” by MGMT

Reason to be excited: I’m still excited about my new car!

TV show: It’s Always Sunny in Philidalphia

Obsession: Books (always!)

Memories:

Happiest: Oh my gosh how can I pick! Here’s one at random: Driving the 101 in California–windows down surrounded by coasts and mountains. It was bliss.

Saddest: It’s kind of cliche, but not being with a person that I care about because our timing was always off. I wish I could go back and make things different, but such is life.

Strangest: This one time I was at a music fest–some context: I’m kind of a hippy and dress all out for Summerfest–I had a flowery headband in and was having a few beers with a few friends and out of NOWHERE this guy walks up to me, doesn’t say anything, sticks a leaf in my headband, steps back to admire it, gives me two thumbs up, and walks away never to be seen again. It was one of the strangest and most wonderful experiences of my life.

Scariest: Skydidving. It was actually awesome, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as scared as when I was sitting on the edge of an airplane 13,000 feet above the ground.

Funniest: One time a friend and I went out for margaritas. On our walk back to our apartments, we decided to walk through our College Campus’ graveyard. She had to pee REALLY bad, and I somehow convinced her going in the graveyard was a great idea. It was probably more one of those you had to be there moments, but I still laugh about it often. BONUS: The same friend and I were on a mini road to trip to Cincinnati (Ohio) and we came up to this REALLY BIG and UGLY building. We were sitting at a stop light and I said something like I wonder what that building is and my friend really quietly and cryptically just whispered, “scientology.” Her and I have had some good times!

Exciting: Finally traveling to the UK, especially London. I’ve wanted to go since I was young and finally at 25 I made it there!

Proudest: Graduating college.

Boring: Anytime I fly. Flying is so boring, and I hate it.

Biggest Fears

Spiders.

Not living up to the standards and goals I have for myself.

Garbage disposals and blenders.

Heights.

Small spaces.

Excited for in Life:

My trip to Disneyland!

Halloween is nearly here.

Hopefully booking that trip to Machu Picchu.

Finishing my novel.

Coffee (anytime, anyday, anywhere).

Going to the Library next week.

Hopefully moving to California someday (soonish?).

I am always…

Reading

Writing

Drinking Coffee

Working

Hiking

Traveling

Browsing Bookstores

In Search of Stephen King Books for My Collection

Thinking

On Instagram

I wish I was, and I eventually will be…

A full-time writer.

A dog mom.

Less afraid.

Low-key famous.

Running a successful Etsy shop.

Even more well-read.

Living in California.

An actress (maybe). I would LOVE to get back into acting!

Living in a small apartment with a big window and a writing desk.

Happier.

Favourite Things about Myself:

I’m good at puzzles.

I’m strong.

I’m determined.

I face my fears frequently.

I’m a realist.

I deeply care about others and their well-being.

I’m funny.

My hair.

I’m comfortable being me.

Finally, my blog…

Makes me happy.

Is a great place to destress.

Keeps my writing skills tuned and polished.

Wow, that was a lot! I actually really enjoyed this though! Now, I tag:

@readloveandlive @nightmare-in-the-stacks @thebookrose @thechosenpages @art-of-storytelling @giannareadsbooks @resident-book-nerd @bookworm-of-camelot @bybookorbynook @that-random-bookworm

Feel free to do this or not. There’s never any pressure with me!

#tags #82 truths tag

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periakman · 7 years ago

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A Commentary On One Aspect of My Brain

Under a readmore because it was six pages on google docs lol

I couldn’t have been very old when I wrote my first story. I had gotten an idea in my head, and I was going to write it down. The plot, was very simple, Samantha, the girl who was Me, was going to compete with Eric, the enemy, to see who could get more halloween candy. Samantha would win by having such a scary costume, she’d scare people away and get their candy.

Dreadfully simple, but I assure you, at my age, I was pumped by such an interesting and indepth story idea.

I wrote the first few pages, and in my excitement, I showed it to my mom.

I clearly remember the sentence that made her pause.

“One day, Samantha and Eric, Eric was mean.”

In hindsight, someone’s adhd had decided to kick in and completely change the trajectory of that sentence. So my mom pointed out that this sentence was wrong, as one would.

I was livid. I argued. I cried. I never finished the story. I was so mad.

My mom tried to point out that I had a perfectly good story, just with this one error, that I had discarded the entire story over, and had gotten mad.

I don’t think I ever decided she was right.

A few years later, I made minor waves in elementary school, I believe first or second grade.

We had to write a journal entry about snow. Maybe why we liked snow, or a story about it. I wrote a story about a girl named Samantha (it was my favorite name for a very long time), who went on an adventure with a snowman. It was, more or less, a complete story, with actual structure, and about three pages longer than anything anyone else wrote.

It got praise. Not a lot, but enough for me to realize I had done a good job. It went in the school newspaper, alongside other stories. I don’t remember my parents complimenting me, but I also don’t remember them not complimenting me, so I assume that I got enough praise to be satisfied, but not so much it stuck out in my head.

A few months later, we had to write a journal entry about easter. I wrote another story. The exact same story, actually. A girl named Samantha went on an adventure with a bunny. I am fairly certain I even consulted the original story so it was exactly the same.

My class was amused by it enough. They remembered what it was last time, and knew what I had swapped. That felt good.

I showed it to my mom. She however, was not too impressed. She pointed out it was the exact same story. I just swapped out words.

I don’t remember being particularly devastated, but I don’t remember taking it well either. I think I sort of quietly internalized it, with the brain of a tiny child who couldn’t actually self analyze well.

Over the years, I also showed my dad a lot of stories and things I wrote. I don’t remember what they were at all, but I definitely showed him things. He’d always respond with criticism. This frustrated me, a lot, just as it had in my younger years.

My dad, in his infinite eloquency, explained his reasoning.

“If I was sitting at a gorgeous table, and there was a misplaced fork, I would correct it! But if I was sitting at a table, and it was covered in poop, I wouldn’t care about the misplaced fork!”

I don’t know if I really absorbed that as a child. In my own way, I accepted he was criticizing my work because he thought it was good, even if I still hated that he did it.

There were some other interesting statements my dad said, over the year. One such statement that still sticks with me, that seems unrelated, but actually very relevant: “I used to try and get [you and your sister] to work harder during your soccer games, but then I realize you guys didn’t care, so I stopped.”

A small one off sentence. My sister and I played soccer, and my dad saw we could be good at the game if we applied ourselves. But we didn’t want to, so he pulled back. If anything else, his philosophy was consistent.

I finally hit middle school, and show my mom a play I wrote. It’s 80 pages long, and the first thing I ever completed in full. My mom points out a word I used was incorrect. Essentially, “monarchies” does not mean the same as “any given power structure in the world”.

I got mad. I got annoyed. I did the same thing I did as a kid. I shut myself off and threw a tantrum. My mom read the story anyway, and quoted me the last few lines of the play, pointing out how good they were.

That made me feel a lot better.

As a middle schooler, I was obsessed with people reading my stories. Until I sent it to one girl. “Did you like my story?” I asked.

“Not really,” She replied, as I heard those words for the first time in my life.

“You didn’t like the character?” I asked.

“He was drunk!”

A stupid reason, in hindsight, to not like a character, but at the time it was monumental. It wasn’t the complaint that mattered. What mattered is what it symbolized. My sloppy absurdist work where the joke was a character was a lazy bum was not good enough on its own.

I later tried to put that story on fiction press. I took it down before an hour even passed, because I realized it just wasn’t good enough.

By the time I hit high school, something had changed. I started to have opinions on things. My focus on media had started to emerge. I had always been opinionated, proven by my years and years arguing with my dad.

I kept writing. In high school, I had stories that for the first time felt good, felt publishable, felt like actual stories and arcs.

But I still did the same thing I always did. One time I had an off hand setting where someone was being chased by a bully. One of my friends questioned the logic of the scene, and I fought him over it for a long time, because that was what I pictured in my head.

The fact was, I didn’t want to take criticism for a long time. And I could argue until the cows came home. This was a toxic combination, but at the same time, I soon approached another problem.

I wanted feed back. I wanted to improve. I was existing in a void where my stories were not being commented on, and the comments I were getting were not to my liking.

I tried, again and again, but I found that small inaccuracies made me annoyed. For a long time, I wanted to write comics, and wrote graphic novel scripts. The problem with this is that as a result, I was using a visual medium in a community where no one else was.

I distinctly remember someone saying something to the extent of “why are you refusing to take this criticism” and arguing back “because in this case you’re wrong.”

Of course, I had grown by then. In hindsight, I was correct in those arguments. That argument had been over if I had too many characters in my story. I tried to explain that in a visual medium, it didn’t matter if I had a dozen distinct minor characters, because the reader didn’t have to remember their name, unlike in a prose book, where such things would be much more jarring.

Other times I argued over things like how fighting worked, or how many things could change panel to panel.

It ended badly. Very badly. To the point I’m not interested in explaining how badly it ended, but rest assured, there are still people I hold grudges against to this day because of it. It never could have ended well, due to a combination of them refusing to listen, and myself refusing to listen.

I got some amazing advice, in the aftermath of that trashfire. “You don’t have to listen to all the criticism you receive. Find people who like the premise of your story, and listen to them.”

At that moment, it finally clicked. It was all put into perspective, albeit subconsciously. I had always wanted the premise to be accepted, and my struggle had been how I perceived that. In my younger years, I had seen an arguing of grammar as a fundamental rejection and ignoring of The Art Of The Story.

And now, older, I had been trying to accept criticism from people who had never bought into my premise in the first place, and had suffered immensely for it, because I had essentially exposed myself to what amounted to bullying, only without the criticizers ever realizing why it was so toxic on me.

College was when the transition happened. I still argue. I still stand my ground. But now I’m a bit more fast and loose with it. I started writing for LARP, and in this field, I quickly learned where my skills were and where my weaknesses were, thanks to friends I had who were far more talented than me, but in different areas.

This journey, alongside other journeys of constantly arguing with my dad and other people, led me to the person I am now.

Am I the best at taking criticism? Not always. But you know what? I’m a helluva lot better than a lot of people out there, and I can only thank every individual person who tried to take me on, from beginning to end. It wasn’t the people who praised me that mattered. It was the people who questioned what I was doing, while still fundamentally respecting me as a person.

I even have some gratitude for the trashfire experience I had when I was looking for real criticism. If only because I’m glad it happened when I was seventeen, and not when I was older, and in a situation I was able to completely walk away from, without causing any lasting damage. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else, but the fact is, as a writer, you are always going to encounter someone who hates you for what you write, and I’m glad it went the way it did, with me getting good advice, as opposed to just falling further down the hole.

But it did cause this huge blind spot, which I’ve only recently realized.

My dad in our arguments, always emphasized a huge thing whenever I cried and fought with him. Don’t get your ego involved. Your argument, your stance, it’s not you. If you get invested in an argument, you’re not going to win.

Now, I disagree with some of the finer details, in hindsight. Some arguments you can’t afford to not be invested in, but that’s what backup is for, and for not getting into stupid hypothetical arguments with jerks who refuse to accept there’s a reason you’re emotionally invested.

Due to a combination of these reminders, the constant practice, and being his genetic daughter, I slowly created a huge stamina bar to this one specific aspect of my existence. I might get stressed and refuse to do homework or cleaning because it’s too hard, but I could argue. I could explain. I could stand my ground.

The slow journey into accepting criticism and being able to argue my own points with minimal expended energy led to a dangerous combination.

I probably would have always been like this, even if I had been raised in different circumstances, but the way I was raised definitely strengthened the attributes. It made me rather confused by the fact that being told you’re wrong was something so painful and distressing, that often the only response was to assume the person who said it was a sadistic condescending jerkface.

I’d express idle disagreement, knowing exactly what my weakpoints were and where I was wrong, and find the disagreement suddenly explode when the person I was talking to get mad at me, and lambast me for being so cruel, or for forcing my opinions.

I didn’t know why for a long time. To be honest, I still don’t. I don’t know if I ever will. But I do know that I am thankful for the experiences that led me to this point, and I hope that I can help other people along their own similar if unique path.

I don’t really have an end point to this, except to possibly explain why I am the way I am. I have always been made aware of how skilled I am. I know where I am truly skilled, and I know where I’m truly not. And this has led to clashing, because oddly enough, my slowly built and cultivated self esteem, which can still be as easily shattered, does in fact resemble a healthy mentality, and this can rub anyone with low self esteem the wrong way. Because my confidence becomes condescension. My attempts to try and patiently explain what I had to fiercely argue and cry over, becomes a lecture.

One day, I might figure out how to fix that. I love communication, so I might figure out the Perfect Way to explain things to people without coming off as insulting. But for now, I know the facts.

I am not tolerated because of how I give information and how I explain things. I’m embraced by it. Not by everyone, no, but there is value in honesty. And it won’t be perfect every time, but so long as everyone knows that I truly accept and honor them as a person, I am loved for what I do.

There’s nothing wrong with being wrong. It took me a decade to learn that. And that’s okay.

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surveys-at-your-service · 6 years ago

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Survey #168

“i’ve wished for this, i’ve bitched at that, i’ve left behind this little fact: you cannot kill what you did not create.”

Which internet browser do you use? Chrome. Have you ever lived on a university campus? Nope. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? *The* ex, when I was going through old photos on my Mom's FB looking for something. Do you play any games on your phone? DragonVale and Pokemon GO. Have you ever shaved your face? Only above my lip every now and then to avoid that dreaded lady-stache. :') What color is your front door? White. What was the last vaccination you got? Couldn't tell ya. When was the last time you were at a party? A year ago. Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank, or bitch? The only two I can think of are bitch and martyr. Who’s your favorite rapper? And your favorite song by this favorite rapper? Eminem, "Love The Way You Lie" or "Space Bound." How about your favorite band? And your favorite song by this band? Gah you know the story, I'll just do Ozzy for this one. Hard to say. "See You On The Other Side" probably wins, but "Mama I'm Comin' Home" is on its heels. Has anyone ever made a promise to you that they’d change? Who? Juan, probably. What’s your television addiction? I don't watch TV of my own volition, but I'd be happy to watch The Good Doctor. Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? Nothing worse than just getting braces tightened. Is there anyone you’d like to apologize to? Dad again to his face about how wicked I was to him and am so thankful he forgave me. I just haven't because I want that in the past and I'd probably break down anyway. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? Idk. Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? That's my gf, no, I'd lose my mind. Can you make yourself sneeze? No. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? Meh... I think it's better I don't. How has your style changed since you were in high school? Not really. What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? Dunno. What’s the most Lisa Frank-worthy article of clothing you own? Nothing, really. What color is the rim around your full-length mirror? Black. What is your favorite way your hair has ever looked? How it is now. What are five things you are good at? Interacting with animals, being there for people, writing I'd like to think, being a great beast mastery hunter in WoW like 1v1 me bro, and uhhhh panicking over the most minute things. What are five things you are bad at? COMMUNICATING, initiating conversation, arguing w/o crying, understanding finances/economics, and math. Do you enjoy drawing at all? I do, but I rarely do it because I'm way too critical and get annoyed. And fixing mistakes cleanly can be hard. I want a drawing tablet one day hopefully in the near future, because I feel like I'd be more motivated to do it. Quickly fix errors. What was the last thing you were frustrated with yourself about? Oh boy, idk. This is so common. Do you have unusual sleeping/waking hours? No. In your personal opinion, which hair color is the most beautiful? Probably blonde with some darker highlights I guess, if we're talking about natural colors. Actually, for girls, maybe red. How about eyes? Sapphire. Last sporting event you watched? Dance recital. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. Are you skilled when it comes to working in the kitchen? HA no. Do you listen to music while driving? It has to be quiet or I can't concentrate. What’s your favorite style of jeans? (Skinny, boot cut, flare, etc) Skinny. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Who was the last person you had sex with? Or are you a virgin? Jason. Are you Italian? No. Would you ever go vegan? There's no way I could survive. Where’s the nearest GameStop near you? Like... 10-15 minutes? Have you had an argument with anyone recently and if so, do you still have issues with that person? Sara, but only because I said something stupid. No, I have zero issues with her. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you and what’s the story of how you met that person? Colleen, girl scouts. Is there something you generally always ask for help with? Cleaning the animals' cages. Don't have anything to put them in so I hold them while Mom cleans it. Unfair to her, I know, but I can't do both and Mom doesn't seem to mind, plus she wouldn't hold any of them. Do you own a pocketknife, or any other kind of multi-tool? No. What was the last thing you took a video of? Teddy being a goof. Have you ever been somewhere where you didn’t fluently speak the local language? No. What is your least favorite kind of weather? Hot and humid like fuck off. Describe the 'look’ you did the last time you wore makeup. Uhhh mildly winged liner, black eyeshadow, black lips. If you got pregnant the 1st time you had sex, how old would the kid be now? I don't remember when it was 'cuz I've said before I didn't really. Realize it was sex until literally this year when I looked back on it. But anyway, six-ish. Have you ever polished and waxed your car? N/A As a kid, did you have any friends with parents who yelled a lot? Don't think so. What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? ODing. Have you ever lived in a small community where everyone knew each other? No. What are some of your least favorite foods? BEANS, mushrooms, asparagus, brussel sprouts, cherries, nuts, etc. etc. etc. I'm picky as hell. Do you give your pets gifts and treats for their birthday/adoption day? Only Teddy 'cuz I actually know his rip. Has anyone ever set you up on a blind date? If so, how did it go? No. Do you believe your ex cares about you? The only ex I feel /sincerely/ does is Girt. What is the strangest type of candy you have eaten? Idk. What would be your most ideal profession? Meerkat biologist. What kind of rides do you enjoy the most at amusement parks? Kinds that don't make me fear vomiting. What is a topic you definitely don’t want to talk about with anyone? Weight. Where do you carry the things you need with you when leaving the house? Pocketbook. What’s the last thing you made with your hands? Uhhhh a drawing? Have you ever been physically or mentally abused? How did it affect you? No. Do you consider yourself a vengeful person? If so, why’d you think that is? Not in the least. Do you own any accessories with your name or initial on them? I have a "B" necklace somewhere from someone, but. Never wear it. Are you nervous/anxious, for any reason at all? Nah. For once. What was the last compliment you received from the opposite sex? Dad said I looked great when I got in the car to go to the theater. Have you ever been to an orchard? No. :c What are your plans for Halloween? I've no clue. :/ Do you plan on carving a pumpkin this year? Yeah. What’s your favorite Halloween movie? Hocus Pocus. What’s your favorite kind of apple? Red. Do you like to roast marshmallows? Yeah. If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? N/A When was the last time you stayed in a hotel? Where was it? Shit, not since a dance competition at the beach years ago. Have you ever gotten your nails done? Like twice because I was invited. Who was the last family member of yours that died? Idk. Who was your favorite president? Not educated enough on this. The last type of sandwich you made or ate: I believe ham, cheese, and mustard. The last time the weather was just the way you like it: Been a long time. The last time you apologized and the last time you received one: I dunno. I say "sorry" like obsessively, but a serious apology, idk. To me, either Mom or Sara. Do you have a smartphone or a dumb phone, or no phone? Smartphone. Do you own any tapestries, and if so, what’s on it/them? No. Have you ever made a collage for your bedroom wall? No. What types of churches do you find really boring? All of them. On what day is your local grocery store the busiest? I would guess the weekend? What day do you usually go grocery shopping? I don't, Mom does. She doesn't have a regular day. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What is your favorite color for cars? Burnt orange. Have you ever tried writing with the opposite hand? How good/bad was it? Yeah, not good. Do you prefer dark, brown or white chocolate? Milk/brown. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? That's fucking evil. No. How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? One. Do you have any gay family members? Mom's cousin or something. Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? Sara. Would you ever get a boob job? I DON'T NEED ONE LIKE ONE OF THE THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO MOST WITH LOSING WEIGHT IS NOT HAVING TRISHA PAYTAS TITS. Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Me. Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? No. What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? My very first "boyfriend" I think actually is. I'd be stunned if Juan, Girt, and especially Jason came out, although Jason would make me fucking cackle. Boy could I say some shit about that. Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? Nah son. Have you ever lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend? I've never told a serious lie, but I'm sure I've told like minuscule ones ("I'm fine," etc.) every now and again. Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? Yup. Minority opinion, but. When was the last time you were on a city bus? Never. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Have you ever burned an ant with a magnifying glass? No. Have you ever had an ant farm? Maybe? I had a lot of those little animal kit things as a kid, like frogs and butterflies. Have you ever had crabs, turtles, or lobsters? Hermit crabs. Briefly turtles. Has anyone ever told you you’re too young for something? No, I think? Maybe. What about for someone? No. How many times have you changed a diaper in your life? Literally once when it wasn't even dirty???? Why did I do that??????????? Has a younger person ever confided in you as an adult? Yeah. Have you ever felt responsible for someone’s death? No. Who knows your biggest secret and why did you tell them? No one. What’s your best memory with your ex? Aaron: group skating rink date. Juan: I'm not sure, probably making him play a Just Dance game with me lmao. Jason: That's like impossible to say with how long we were together. But a time that will always stand out for me is when we were playfighting, I came storming into the kitchen, big time slipped in the middle of "yelling," and he caught me and we laughed for like a full minute. Tyler: Nothing, really. Girt: He was reading a memento in Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs, and I'll say the writing is very unique, and he got to one sentence he read in THE most incredulous voice, and I spat my drink e v e r y w h e r e. I deadass laughed/cried for like ten minutes and still had outbursts afterwards. It was one of those "you had to be there" things. The last time you felt insulted/offended: Dunno. The last time you held a baby: Over a month ago when I had to hold Keegan for whatever reason. The last form you filled out: Something for my new doctor. The last video game you played: So here's a super weird fact about me; as a kid, I loved hunting games, all the while even then hating hunting for sport irl. Not a clue clue why. I recently got more "back" into gaming and I'm working on beating Dangerous Hunts again. What is your favorite type of cat? Persians. What religion were you raised in? Are you still that religion, if you had one? Roman Catholicism, and no. What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? Wiccan and Buddhism. What heritage does your last name imply? Scottish. Recently, what artists/bands have you been listening to a lot? Powerwolf, Mother Mother. Do you know any HTML coding? No. Has anyone ever called you rich? HA as if. What makes you feel beautiful? lol How many bathrooms are in your house? One. Last time you were on a plane and where did you go? March, Illinois. Hopping on one again tomorrow!! Are you considered a very sensitive person? Probably by those who know me well. I know I am. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Dad, yeah. What is the worst name anyone has ever called you? Being called a martyr still hurts, and that was like two years ago. When was the last time you cried out loud in front of someone? Mom around a week ago or something. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. Have you ever had to be put on medicine for a mental disorder? Yeah. What do you normally drink when eating at a restaurant? Mtn. Dew if Pepsi products, otherwise Coke. Have you ever been in a car accident? One. Are you currently in a happy relationship? YEAH!!!! Do you normally have nightmares or good dreams? Neither. Just weird. What if a friend asked you to go with her to get an abortion? OH WOW I AM *NOT* THE PERSON TO ASK. I really don't know. I've made my opinion on the subject pretty clear, and if the abortion wasn't for your own mental and/or physical health and rather you just not wanting to face the consequences of your actions, idk if I could go. Have you ever had a deep conversation with someone who was high on anything? No. Are you experiencing problems within a current friendship? No. Ever made yourself throw up? No, I fear vomiting too much to ever. Who of the opposite sex has seen you at your worst? Jason. When at a fast food place, do you usually order a small, medium, or large drink? Medium. Do you dip your pretzels in anything? No. When was the last time you started a new medication? Recently for knee pain. What is your favorite type of nut? None. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? Literally Domino's lmao. Do you know what year your parents married? No. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yeah. Do you prefer loose leaf tea or teabags? You know my opinion on tea. What is your favorite place to get Chinese food? I dunno the name of the place Mom goes. Do you part your hair to the side? It's parted far to the left. Is winter your least favorite season? No, it's my second-favorite! Do you know someone who’s a stripper? No. Are you sitting in a spinning chair? No, I'm in bed. When’s the next time you’ll go to a haunted house? I've never been to a "real" one but would LOVE to. How old is too old to trick-or-treat? I really don't care. Honestly believe there's no magic age where it's no longer okay. I still would if not for societal expectations. Have you ever caught a firefly? Yes. Do you own any camouflage? No. What's the next really important thing you have to do? Get to my flight on time. Are you looking forward to anything? T O M O R R O W A P P R O A C H E S How late is too late for coffee for you? I don't drink coffee. Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. How about a novel? If so, could you give us the synopsis of the plot? Yeah, as a kid. It was about a family of meerkats of different "breeds" (dragon, fire, ice, etc.) plagued by their king's brother as well as the prince finding love. That's all I remember of it. Who is considered the "black sheep" of your family? Why? Lol me. I'm just pretty different from like everyone with "problematic" traits. What's a color you hate? Puke green. What's an odor you hate? Old garbage. What's a sound you hate? Babies screaming omfg. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? Hmmm. Probably if they've ever been raped or molested. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? OKAY. So I coulda sworn one of my best high school friends was pregnant in middle school, before I talked to her at all. Then I believe I saw her with her baby once when we were in the gym for something. When we became friends, she never spoke of having a child and most certainly didn't look a bit like she'd had a baby. I never wanted to ask because you know the stigma of teen pregnancy. What is a song you cannot stand? Any country song where the singer has that godawful southern-as-hell twang. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? *shrugs* If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Idk, I haven't looked at my earrings in a long time. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Like a dollar or so on the rare occasion my parents bought one. How about a slot machine? No. Do you like playing bingo? Sure. What's been the best thing you've found at a flea market? I love this little dragon figure I have. Oh, and my shipwreck lamp! Do you ever glance at people's butts? I'm a sucker for ass tbh okay. Like I'm not a dick that's gonna stare, but I'm guilty of glances, sure. What's something that catches your eye about other people? Their style. What's a random funny scene from a movie that has stuck with you? The first thing that came to my mind is from the Scooby movie where the girl introduces herself as Mary Jane and Shaggy goes, "That's, like, my favorite name" lmao. Oh, the things you miss as a kid. Are you one of those people who will not use a public washroom? I avoid it as much as possible. Have your parents ever disapproved of the person you're dating? No. What kind of things do you collect? Right now, just meerkat and Silent Hill stuff. YouTuber merch will happen when I can afford to buy it myself ha ha. Do you have a thing for body hair? No opinion. Not too into heavy back or chest hair, but still, don't really care. Is there anyone into you that you have no interest in? No clue if Girt still likes me, but if so, I don't reciprocate the feeling romantically. What's the longest you've slept for? Like 11 hours, maybe? Do your parents have a bad relationship with anyone? Not especially other than between each other. Were you raised by someone other than your parents? No. Do you prefer the color pink or blue? Pink. What's the last chore you did? Vacuumed. Have you ever had pet mice? Rats. What is your godmother's name? I don't think I have one. What's the last party you went to? A year ago at Summer's. Have you ever been to a jungle? No. What is your favorite jungle animal? Tigers! When did you first find yourself attracted to someone? I dunno. Elementary school. If you met a genie, what would you wish for? Financial stability, world peace, cure for Alzheimer's/dementia. Have you ever ran away from home? For like two hours or less. Is your father injured? No. He has a bad back, but. Would you be willing to die protecting your country? Like in the military or something? No. Have you ever dated someone from a different country? For less than a day. Are you part Native American? Not that I know of. What are your pets' names? Teddy, Bentley, Roman, Venus, Kaiju, and Mitsu. Do you like to go hunting? NONONONONONO. I'd have a hard time doing it even for survival. Have you ever worked two jobs? No. Who is the oldest sibling in your family? Katie. What are some of your happy thoughts? Being with Sara, imagining a positive future, remembering all I've endured and conquered, etc. etc. What's your favorite pattern for clothes? Plaid, I suppose? Do you ever wear fur? No. Who is the worst boss you've ever had? Why? N/A What are the names of the all the dogs you've ever owned? Trigger, Angel, Teddy, Dale, Delilah, Harley, Cali, and Bentley, I think. Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube. When did you last ride a bike? Years ago. What did you last ask your parents permission for? Uhhh. I dunno. Oh, actually, I was thinking of spending a day with Dad, and I wanted to know if it would bother Mom. She said no, but I don't believe her. I didn't do it, though. Why were you in a waiting room the last time? Psychiatrist appointment yesterday. What's your lawyer's name? I don't have one. Do you own a lot of scarves? Do I even own any??? Would you ever get a face tattoo? No. What kind of car did you take your drivers test in? Haven't taken it. How much was the rent/mortgage at the cheapest place you’ve ever lived? I wouldn't know, I don't pay it. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Holy shit, Sara. What is the cruelest thing a person has ever said to you? Who even knows. What crime from history fascinates you most? No clue. Who do you think was the worst criminal in history? Maybe Saddam Hussein. Who has the weakest set of values in your family? Idk. What is the most disturbing sound you know of? Bones cracking. What's the shortest amount of time between orgasms you've ever experienced? N/A Which laws would you most like to change? Off the top of my head, we. Need. More. Gun. Fucking. Control. I'm not for a ban of firearms, but jfc, it's too easy to purchase a goddamn killing machine. What the oldest you'd like to live? 80, maybe? After that I can just imagine poor health that would really suck. Which sibling is or was favored most by your parents? I actually think it's me, tbh. Mom and I have an incredibly strong bond and have serious history, and Dad's and mine is very deep and definitely as a kid was the storybook father/daughter relationship, and now that we're reunited, I think we both cherish each other more. What's the biggest surprise you've ever had in bed? Waking up in the middle of the night to Jason groping my boobs. Who is the person you most wanted to have an affair with but didn't? I've never wanted that. Who have you most feared in your life? Dad. What would make you go insane the fastest? Losing Sara for the same reason as Jason. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? I'm not sure. What is your strongest reason for your opinion on abortion? I guess you have the right to be selfish if you're put at risk. You come first. What would you most like to hear from your father? He's proud of how far I've come. What one natural thing would you most like to see? Maybe a volcano erupt from a safe distance. What has been the single most important influence on your life? The breakup. What is the most worthy cause on earth? Seeing all life as equal and actually acting on that. Caring for one another. What would you most easily be driven to kill for? Sara's safety.

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