#i am not privvy to any of them

[tobiasbotte]

Finally sat down and binged the Yu Yu Hakusho Netflix adaptation.

Got a lot of big feelings, but I'll sum them all up with this: I really liked it.

Not going to do spoilers (yes, even for fans of the source material, I think there could be spoilers regarding plot organization), but every five minutes or so in the very first episode, I teared up. Most likely due to the nostalgia that was hitting me. Bruh, I was raised on this show, and here it was, alive.

I adored almost everything I was presented with, and had very few complaints - in fact, I think most of my complaints stem from the way they boxed themselves in and didn't leave an out for season 2.

But that's okay! Because, 1, I had to take into account the Netflix Factor, which is that Netflix has garnered a neat little habit of crushing my dreams and not letting shows grow past their first season based on numbers alone, and I have tell myself, perhaps the writers didn't think Netflix would let them continue past this season, so they had to do their best to create a beginning, middle, and end so fans wouldn't be left in cliffhanger hell if it did get cancelled. Or perhaps budget constraints were too difficult - who knows! I could speculate 'til the cows come home, or I could enjoy this lovely offering.

And 2, I have faith that there could be another season. I'm not a very smart writer, so I obviously can't envision how to do it, but the way they encapsulated their story into 5 episodes was, I thought, clever. There is still plenty of source material to work with, and if they did that with these 5 episodes, they can do more mix-match magic with future seasons.

I'm bad at organizing my thoughts. I just wanted to look back on this and remember that I liked this show! Every inch of it was familiar to me, and I think that was what nudged me to the emotional edge of my seat.

Literally just here crying, where's the backdoor for season 2? You cleaned it up so neatly, yes, and I think I can reason out why, but put more faith in your work! I thought was beautiful! Now give me another serving!

[lucabyte]

ppl saying they look to my comics for inspiration and pointers on how to format things is WILDDDD to me (and delightful don't get me wrong!! i am overjoyed) because like. none of you are privvy to the absolute WAHHH I DONT WANNNAAA bitchfits i was *CONSISTANTLY* throwing every time i forced myself to make a comic before i got into isat. like no joke. i considered comics such a fucking difficult medium they always drained my drawing energy so hard because they always felt like they took sooo long and had so many moving parts and were so much harder than storyboards (WHICH I ALREADY STRUGGLED WITH) because you had to account for panel shape and speech bubbles and-- like you get it. but genuinely for real. the sheer amount that i complained whenever i clawed my way through drawing a comic (which thus! was not very fucking much!!) compounded by the fact that i *genuinely have trouble reading comics*. as in, i really struggle to parse the flow of contiguous movement or action between panels (possibly connected to the fact ive got mad aphantasia?) of even really well done best-of-the-best professional comics...

... BUT. basically. what im trying to get at is. if you wanna learn to draw comics, evidently you super can?! I genuinely *didnt* draw comics before drawing isat fanart! I have no idea what it was about ISAT fanart that made it finally click for me? (I think it was... not having to think about colour? Removing a step from the process really helped. Plus, it being fanwork meant I could just start en-medias-res and not have to think about setup... Trying to cram too much explanation and setup into my oc stuff was always a big hurdle too...)

I find them fast to do now! and damn if i dont value speed in art (<- impatient little fucker). its still going slowly on my oc comics.. mostly due to the colour again, i think. but it's not extremely, ecruciatingly difficult anymore. is what im saying. and im genuinely baffled by it every time i put pen to page. its fucked up. did you guys know that practice makes things easier? . fucking perverted if you ask me.

As for looking at other people's things for inspiration. if you want to know where I was looking when I was piecing together the first couple fancomics I did for ISAT i want to specifically point at . well besides everything rebecca sugar has ever done (for hands and facial expressions *especially*), the main person i really dug into the work of was Leo Fox (Website link). I feel like i wanna point people to the source of a lot of the inspiration for my more off-kilter panel choices so you all can get the full experience rather than through my regurgitated mimesis. I'm now at the point where i can wing panel layout so i wasn't in there for longgg but. everyone go add it to your knowledge banks as for SUBJECT MATTER aka why i am i so deranged. those are squarely the 2019 postcanon homestuck golden era bleeding through my CLENCHED BITTEN DOWN JAW. A BULL TERRIER ON YOUR BRACHIAL ARTERY. namely that @/floralmarsupial and @/tomatograter's works (no i am not tagging them . im shy) are things i go back to frequently and floralmarsupials pure black/white inktober comics were *especially* an inspiration. if you've been following me a few months you may remember me reblogging a bunch of their stuff from 2019~2021 for seemingly no reason. this was why. The narratively divorced reality of jade strider & Liminal Space are big in my mind here. I balk to call myself anywhere near as good as these but these are what i'm aiming for, tonally and quality-ways with it. also detective pony but ive mentioned that already and thats farrrr too inside baseball for this post.

BUT YEAH TL;DR: I DIDNT DRAW LIKE ANY COMICS UNTIL UHHHH LIKE, WHAT, LIKE 8 MONTHS AGO? JESUS. ANYWAY. THIS MEANS YOU 🫵🫵🫵 CAN DO IT TOO. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. DATTEBAYO!!!!

[bambi-kinos]

After reading your view on John's treatment of Paul, I have to ask if you also have thougts on what happend between George and Paul during and after post Beatles. We know how they both treated him as the younger brother and how he tought they were to busy being John and Paul so they failed to see him though other artist saw him etc. We can also understand how he back away from John and Yoko. But what was his problems with Paul? Paul played on more George-Beatle songs than John did and George even played on John's solo record but said he would never play in a band with Paul again. Because there still seem to that he had another issue with Paul and there still seem to be tensions between them during the Anthology. Did Paul really deserved to be treated like that by both John and George. George went on a lot about his faith and spiritual seaching but not really lived up to it all the time. He played a lot about how unhappy he was in the Beatles and being famous buthe lived large with his cars and big house etc. I'm not defending Paul, well I do, but they both treated him so badly. Why, do you have any more ideas about that. Or what other artists, like ex Wings members etc who also complained about Paul's ways. I only ever see it as jealousy.

Legit had no idea how to answer this as George's dynamic with the rest of the band is opaque to me. I put the question to the McLennon server and they provided some very good answers, they have given me permission to copypaste it all here. I hope this helps Anon.

Note: I let the others talk and then I used Discord's "reply" function liberally to @ the different paragraphs. For tumblr I have rearranged the posts so that they read in order as full conversations instead of the weird mishmash that Discord produces. When you see weird timestamps, that is why.

***

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 11:00 AM received an interesting ask from an anon, its very long so i'm just copy pasting

ask

What do we think of this? my take is basically that George resented Paul because he replaced George with John and their relationship never recovered, which snowballed into these bigger issues about George's contributions to the Beatles and his growth as an artist.

I think it was amoralto who pointed out that Paul was safer for George to attack because Paul would forgive him whereas with John that wasn't the case. and yet George was able to cut John off later so what gives?

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 1:43 PM I think there's a lot to this dynamic that we're not privvy too. What we do know, however, are things like how during the white album sessions, Paul was constantly undermining George's suggestions. I think it was George Martin who said that. We can even see it a bit in Get Back.

On top of that, even to this day, Paul calls George his little brother in interviews. He has always viewed George as the little kid of the group and that would feel incredibly patronising and demoralising. Paul is a lot more wired that John, and I think that personality trait is just something that George stuggles with. John is the 'cool/fun parent'.

I know John also viewed George as the little kid. And I think this hurt George less because 1. John WAS that older kid/parental figure for so long. 2. You can't take what John was as seriously because he changes his mind day-to-day. 3. I think George honestly (probably) secretly respected Paul's opinion more. So Paul's remarks hurt more.

John = The deadbeat Disney dad. Paul = The more serious and caring/overbearing parent You can see how he would grow to resent Paul more. And I think he also blamed Paul for the breakup too. Or at least, how messy all of that was and all the horrible legal issues that came with it

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:06 PM this one hurts. oof. when I read about the break up in excerpts I get the feeling that George thought Paul's problem was the money and the business decisions and he didn't consider (or didn't want to consider) what was driving it emotionally….after all he felt like Paul didn't consider his feelings 😬

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 1:52 PM Anthology is interesting though. I really think George's attitude in that it partly because he needed to do it. He needed the money. I don't think he really wanted to do it. It was Paul's baby, and he also resented him for that. Hated Paul for being more comfortable financially too. Paul didn't need to do anthology. George did.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 1:53 PM genius, you're absolutely right

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:08 PM this was also around the time that Paul's sweet new deal with Capitol became a thing, i think, because Capitol offered like a significant profit increase for Paul on Beatles royalties if he signed his next few solo albums with them. That caused a lot of upset with George and Ringo iirc, so damn :(

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 1:55 PM (Also, Paul in a few interviews, has said that he was on good terms with John when he died - UNLIKE George. Almost rubbing it in George's face. I know he doesn't mean it. But I would be incredibly upset by that in George's position. To be constantly reminded of that.)

I think its funny that Paul is viewed as the PR savvy Beatles cause he puts his foot in his mouth all the time haha That actually might be why he's more reserved in interviews now. Sticking to a script… Who knows!

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:19 PM Ha, god, probably. Paul has his moments, there's a good 80s interview where he bemoaned Frank Sinatra attributing a George song to maccalennon, but he doesn't seem to have been humbled until the Heather Mills circus.

vanessaaa0388 — Yesterday at 1:57 PM In one of the AKOM podcasts they mentioned a George quote about how he was the closest beatle to John back when it was only them 2 taking LSD… it's my personal theory than in those months he almost felt like he was finally taking over Paul's spot in John's life…I dunno, I get very competitive vibes from George. In his mind he was competing for John with Paul. At least in certain points. And I think John took advantage of that.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:20 PM Absolutely. Reminds me of, ha, Paul when he said that John was their personal Elvis. They all wanted his attention and approval. I also wonder if George was seeking a mentor somewhere and if he thought John was it since they dropped together.

vanessaaa0388 — Yesterday at 2:01 PM It's very complex, the Paul-George dynamic

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:02 PM Paul is the one who's always looking for a "project" and can't turn off, being with him must have been exhausting and then you add being talked down to all the time. whereas John can be fun and turn himself off and then maybe the sting of being talked down to isn't so bad. And like we saw in Get Back when John said "we need George Harrison" because he realized George was looking for reassurance, so he could also build George up when he felt like he should.

I guess with John its more like "lots of fun with a few pointed barbs thrown in" whereas with Paul he's steamrollering you constantly and will only occasionally throw in a compliment.

maybe since Paul is more consistent, it meant more to earn his respect? or something like that, like Vanessa pointed out George was competitive for John's approval and attention.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:12 PM there's this consistent theme with George and Paul where Paul's closeness with John seems to really hurt and damage George. And its not like he could let it go easily either because Paul was also his teammate, not just John's. It was a quad act, not a double.

I think George said that being outside Lennon/Mccartney meant observing Beatlemania as a fan instead of as a bandmate. So he's getting all the trouble but very few of the benefits. And then there's the royalty issues on top of that.

Like, Paul was George's friend first, but then Paul pulped that friendship pretty much immediately when he saw John and never felt like he should do anything to fix it. And then George gets pulled into Beatlemania and then there's money problems and then Brian died.

Brian was George's big advocate I noticed, setting up a newspaper column in George's name (ghostwritten by someone else) because he wanted George to be his own brand outside the Beatles and maccalennon, so when he died a lot of that probably went down the drain too.

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 2:23 PM George seems to have been very lonely in the Beatles but due to all this:

I know John also viewed George as the little kid. And I think this hurt George less because 1. John WAS that older kid/parental figure for so long. 2. You can't take what John was as seriously because he changes his mind day-to-day. 3. I think George honestly (probably) secretly respected Paul's opinion more. So Paul's remarks hurt more.

I guess it was easier to shift some blame onto Paul. A lot of George's spiritual journey appears to be about wanting to escape like when he sings about wanting to see God but being frustrated at how long it will take him. Its real but it also seems like he was pretty weary of life by his mid20s.

LocalGoblin — Yesterday at 2:40 PM Yeah, you're so right. John was also the other Beatle who was more spiritually inclined. He was the only one besides George who was fully committed to the India trip. (At least for a time.) This was probably something they bonded over too.

There's also that quote… I can't remember what interview it's from. But George was asked what it was like being a Beatle and he says he doesn't really know. He always felt like he was on the outside looking in on Lennon/McCartney. It must've felt like a very lonely place.

vanessaaa0388 — Yesterday at 2:40 PM I'm fascinated by J&P but I give George a lot of credit for putting up with them both for so long. I would've cut them out of my life so fast 😂

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Yesterday at 4:05 PM honestly they ruined George's life in some ways!

[uroboros-if]

Hi! I don’t know if this a weird ask or not but I just wanted to know, do the deities engage in sexual intercourse? I know Alessi has in the past since they’re mortal but when in engaging in a relationship with them, would this be something they’d engage with or are deities physically unable to do that? You said they do not reproduce in the same way mortals do which I assume means they don’t but it’s just something I’m wondering. Also, I want to say I’m really excited for your IF ❤️

Hi, going to put the answer under the cut! 💖

This is a super interesting because as you said, gods do not reproduce asexually, or... reproduce biologically, as far as anyone knows!

Gods can long for intimacy and closeness, so the question of sexual desire aside, intercourse is still possible for an emotional connection. :)

They do not discuss this among each other, it's rather awkward -- but I do believe some deities have tried being intimate with their partners in mortal forms! Many are curious of this mortal pleasure, and perhaps some are even jealous they have the opportunity to indulge themselves like this, just as they are jealous of the many pleasures privvy only to the undivine.

While I will say that most of the Twelve experience little/no sexual desire and likely only pursue physical intimacy as an expression of love, I will leave it up to imagination for the second generation of gods! It would be a super interesting theory if they are somehow able to feel that kind of desire as they more closely reflect mortals, especially the deities who represent love. (This is not to say everyone inherently has sexual desire, or that intercourse is necessarily tied to love, of course!)

Any interpretation of the ROs' sexuality is valid, whether you do not think they experience sexual desire or do! 💓

So yes, they can engage with it physically. The matter of sexual desire, however, is ambiguous! Imagine it as you like -- the only thing that remains canon is that they are open to intimacy, at least. :) No issue if MC is not!

Thank you so much for the ask!! 💖💖 And thank you so much for your excitement! :D

P.S. I am not sure if I have said Alessi has had sexual experience, but I do not think they do, so ignore me if I said that! I likely meant more romantic feeling, though they are fleeting or weak.

[nobodyexpectsthe]

The closer they get to the end, the worst the tension between them gets. Arguments are becoming all too common. The door to his quarters may well be revolving as angry faces pour in to chastise him. As though they could do any better in his shoes.

This time it's Dorian.

He missed exactly what sparked this argument. Pirith is running on so little sleep and nothing has felt right since he'd drank from the Well, but when someone hammers on his door he opens it dutifully and sits back and lets them lambast him.

Dorian's taking a minute to get to the point.

He thinks it has to do with the Tevinter diplomat he'd sent away - someone with the weight to push forward the reforms Dorian wanted, but the strings attached to his aid would strangle them in their sleep.

"Of course you don't care, Inquisitor," Dorian spits. "You're going to go back to your clan when all is said and done and wash your hands of all of this."

"I won't," Pirith replies absently, barely taking any of this in. He doesn't even look up from the battleplans that had been sent for his approval and inspection. "They're dead. I've no place to go when this is done."

It's automatic, thoughtless. So much so he doesn't even register that he's said it until he looks up and sees the horror on the magister's face.

Not telling the Inner Circle had been as calculated as any other move he's made. The world could not know their savior's greatest mistake had cost him everything he'd held dear. Who would throw their lot behind that man? Who would pledge their swords to that cause?

He swallows tightly, painfully aware this is the first time these words have ever been spoken. It crystalizes into something real, then. A painful truth that had been easier to deny when all he'd had to do was endure his advisor's guilty looks when the topic of the Dalish came up.

"Pirith, I..." Dorian's bravado deflates by degrees. He takes a step closer, pushing the papers down and forcing Pirith's attention back to him. "What do you mean they're dead?"

"I've got a meeting, Dorian."

"You're a good liar, but not that good."

Pirith's gaze darts away. Fixating on the far wall for a long, long moment before his eyes drift shut. He lets out a slow breath.

"Do you remember the incident at Wycome?"

It takes a moment for Dorian to recall the details. So much had happened, keeping all of it straight was no easy task.

"With the venatori and red lyrium?" He asks, frown deepening as PIrith nods. "And the... alienage purge?" Another nod. Dorian goes terribly pale. "Maker's breath! That was months ago! Why didn't you -"

"The same reason I said no to that alliance," Pirith replies tersely. "I cannot afford to let personal interest take precedence over stopping Corypheus. Remember I am privvy to detail you are not."

He'd hoped that would get the other man's back up. Inspire a touch of the arrogance Dorian wore when feelings floated too close to the surface, but it doesn't.

The man just keeps looking at him with a mixture of guilt and pity.

Pirith pulls his reports back, stubbornly looking back down. Dorian lets him without challenge.

"... We can revisit the subject of an alliance when we're operating from a position of strength," he says, hoping the finality of his tone ends it. That Dorian will leave and he can return to the task at hand.

He does not.

"You're always running to and fro to check on all of us... but we've really not done the same for you, have we? I'm sorry."

The papers crinkle under the tightening elf's grip.

"Leave."

"Pirith -"

"Don't." His fist slams down against his desk, and at once he's out of his chair. A finger points towards the taller man's, sharp and deadly as a sword. "Don't pretend like that is the name you reach for, Dorian, by the Gods do not pretend like you care about the man beneath it."

"I do care, you idiot!" Dorian snaps. "You could have told us! Do you think we would have thought lesser of you? We're friends."

"Yes!" Pirith thunders. "You would have. You think less of me for every decision I make, why would this one be any different? Because for once blood on my hand is only my own?"

The last word sticks in his throat, catching, rips something raw and suddenly he feels the hot rush of tears. Dorian stands before him, his expression unreadable.

Insulted, most likely, Pirith thinks.

Or disgusted. This is not the behavior of a leader. This is not the face he should show to anyone.

He sits back down heavily in his chair, burying his face in his hands. He expects to hear footsteps quietly thud towards the door, to hear it slam.

He doesn't expect an arm around his shoulders, hauling him in for a hug tight enough to hold him together. An ugly sob rips free, Pirith turns his face into the man's chest.

"I'm sorry you felt forced to carry this alone."

And finally the grief bleeds freely.

[kowaindar0u]

diary entry #15, with Yuichi AND Sengou ehek (@zantedeschia-praesul )

[ DEAR  DIARY          .    .    . ]

oho... let's see how this goes

15.     entry made featuring desire. (Yuichi)

[maybe dated after our current thread with them]

Dearest journal. You know, I hated you at first. It's still sort of awkward to write here like this, and I don't think I could survive the embarrassment if anyone else were to ever find you. There's a reason I keep you unlabeled, even in my personal room. Just... inconspicuous, yeah? But, here I am.

Likewise, I never thought I would ever be feeling this way about somebody, and lo and behold, you're the only one I dare to admit it to. Yes, of course, it's Nagasone. I know one of the previous times I wrote about him I said it wasn't anything uncouth, but... I don't know, maybe it is a little bit...uncouth.

God, even just writing that is so... ugh, I want to scream.

I... don't even really know what exactly I mean by that either. I've never really had this feeling, about anyone. I mean... I'm an adult. By now I've had... 'what-if' thoughts, right? By this age for a lot of people, this is nothing. It's normal, even. But until now, the thought has always just been... uncomfortable, mortifying... I mean, scary, yeah?

But I think...maybe what I'm feeling is that... with him, it might not be any of those things? Nothing is scary when I'm with him. I think I might even like it...?? I... I don't think I would be good at it, though? I seriously CANNOT believe I'm even writing this. What is this?? What am I doing? God. No, yeah, of course, he's... too sweet to hold it against me if that's the case. You're right. And I'm imagining that you're speaking back to me. Okay. Great. I knew writing about this was kind of a stupid idea huh?

Well. This entry here more than ever-- if you tell a soul, I'll... I don't know. Rip you apart or something. Use your imagination.

---

15.     entry made featuring desire. (Sengo)

[from before our thread with them]

I should probably be speaking with some of my more... insightful fellow touken danshi about this, but as per usual I'm not doing that. Instead, I'm writing in this journal. I think this is best. Others may describe me as mysterious, or perhaps too forward in certain regards, or maybe a mix of the two. But it all comes down to the fact that I simply... cannot seem to express my true self.

In general... the reason for that is... kind of a mystery. Surely there are many feelings the sharing of which is good for all involved, no? Perhaps it's that when I do try to express them, I do it...poorly. Incorrectly, maybe.

However... the reason I'm even scrawling on these pages today is something I feel for certain that is simply best kept hidden, relegated to my own mind. I only write here in hopes of relieving some of the ache it causes me. Perhaps this is what they call 'heartache'.

You see, little notebook, for some time I have been harboring this... longing, for my saniwa, my master, my-- ... Saseki. He is beautiful-- simultaneously so handsome, so pretty, and so adorable. He is strong, yet I have the feeling that he has faced considerable trials in his time as sage up til now, and while I haven't been privvy to the specifics, I just... I want to protect him. I know-- all touken danshi wish to protect their master. I know, but this... It's different. I want to protect him, I so, so badly want him close to me, more than close. I want to love him, and I wish, so fiercely and desperately, that he could love me in the same way, but...

I feel... I feel like it could never be. Even if I did find the audacity, the honesty within me... If I were to tell him, to spill all or any part of this as some bleeding-heart confession, I... I think it could only lead to discomfort, or worse. And I don't think I could handle doing that to him.

So... I will continue to simply serve him as touken danshi, to maintain an arm's-length friendship, and... as painfully as I yearn for something more, I will cherish and appreciate every aching second I spend with him.

Until next time, journal.

[namelessweapons]

@jacks-manidiary

I'm going to break my own rule about engaging with engagement on the post, partially because it's my blog so I can do that if I want, partially because I do want to address parts of this. Under a cut for length.

I'm going to apologize in advance because I always do when I type anything lengthy, I'm aware that I can sound blunt/curt, it is not you, it is the nature of needing to translate my English through three other languages in various ways to get the end result. Again, if I was angry or upset, I have a very very heavy block finger, and if I were annoyed, I would block.

I'm very glad that you haven't been privvy to the fact that the word has been made completely useless, I mean that, it isn't sarcasm, if I wasn't so deeply aware of it, I would not have made the post or new word, but this is actually an issue; there are even other people in the notes expressing their own frustrations with it. I'm glad you encounter it rarely in Genuine and Serious Alterhuman spaces, but not only do I, but I get to see it a lot, because I run one of those spaces, which means I have to look through the applications to those spaces, which means I know that of the applications we get (many), most of them end up being tossed out for not being religious in nature.

The final straw in regards to needing a new word for Me was seeing a group of Religious Fictkin be actively reprimanded during an extremely large Alterhuman event run by people who (claim) to be very serious about it, for very politely saying 'hey, this is a spiritual thing.'

Again, I'm glad you rarely encounter it, genuinely, but I do encounter it, constantly and consistently, to the point where you may notice that now many people are using things like 'ID' or more popularly now, 'IRL' to denote that they, to paraphrase, 'Are not Fictkin because I don't have delusions and don't choose my kintypes', if you haven't noticed that, I don't know what to tell you, we're different people with different experiences.

I've re-written my response to this bit a few times, in an effort to try and say what I'm about to say without it coming off as purely assholery, because it isn't intended that way, what I'm about to say is completely in good faith.

When it comes to the term 'Fictionkin' that isn't my concern anymore, since I've made the personal choice to distance myself from it for my own comfort, it isn't my place to say whether you are Fictionkin or can or should use it.

If you mean the word I've coined for myself here yes? It seems very straightforward to me, you have a spiritual/religious origin, the term Fictotheism has nothing to do with whether you chose to reincarnate into this life. If you think you can choose your past lives/kintypes, then no, the word isn't for you, it has nothing to do with whether you chose to incarnate into the life you are living here and now.

If that seems unclear, then I will try to very quickly make it simple: If you believe you chose to incarnate into this life, or any past life, and you consider it spiritual/religious, then yes, the word applies.

If you do not believe your roots are spiritual/religious, or you go 'Oh, I would never choose to be from [media]' then no, the word is not from you, even if you chose your past lives when you incarnated into them, the point is that you did not choose to be from them here and now, you have no control over being from them here and now. I hope this clarifies the point.

But more importantly: It was a word made by me, for me, for my comfort, if I bake myself a cake I am concerned not at all whether it is delicious to other people or whether they may be allergic to the walnuts in my cake, I am graciously offering other people a slice of my cake if my cake sounds tasty to them too, but it is my cake, and I am personally indifferent to whether people other than myself like it or feel comfortable with it. If someone comes into my home and tells me I baked my cake wrong, that my cake is gross, or that I should not have baked my cake, then I am pushing them out of my kitchen by beating them with a broom and asking why they broke into my house and why my dog didn't bite them on the way in.

My frustration is borne of my own experiences, it exists, it's self justifying, and I have done something personal to make my frustration lesser while also making it clear that I will be forcing my choice in anti-frustration measures on no one, but that I will no longer be using a word I no longer feel understood or comfortable in using, you're welcome to reply to my frustration, but the root of my frustration is borne of personal experiences, so it does not unfortunately, change the frustration outside of making me feel as though I am being told the root of my personal frustrations does not exist and that it is wrong of me to wall off my garden and apply liberal weedkiller.

[beevean]

The thing that makes me really groan and dread plotlines where no one believes someone when they say someone else is full of shit or a backstabber is how it nearly seems to mean the characters have to be as condescending, belligerent, or outright hostile, to them in response to hearing the accusations. Would be understandable if the character who was privvy to the snake in the grass had a history of being dishonest and shady themselves. But that's usually not the case in this type of story. Always seems to be a character who the other characters already have a good past history with, and have no reason to not at least consider and look into what they're trying to bring to light. Not even just showing concern towards the character who is onto the bullshitter. No. It's immediately shutdown and shame them! The moment I heard what this current story arc was going to be about, I knew where it was gonna go.

The execution of this type of conflict is usually done so badly because it ends up making characters act dumber than they usually would in order for it to happen, instead of making the accused character into an actual smart manipulator or someone who is really good at evading detection. I hate it as much as the "You kept a secret from meeee and liiieeed! Why!? How could you! This revelation now takes priority over the literal life and death situation we're currently in!" cliche in fiction.

Yeah, it's what I've pointed out multiple times: Lanolin is weirdly defensive of a rookie she just hired, and even more weirdly aggressive against people who didn't do anything to her. And okay, sure, let's accept the headcanon that she relates to Duo because she remembers what it means to be a picked-on rookie - look, I would accept any kind of humanization for her, I am willing to believe she is biased towards him out of concern (it's still a headcanon as of now though).

But this response has no flow. Whisper, correctly, says that she knows Mimic better than anyone, and while they don't have tangible proof yet (even though she should, with the camera in her mask...), she will be able to get it. It's rash, yes. The normal response would be to attempt to take Whisper in private and question her more, like "why are you saying this? Where is this coming from?". Whisper would have been annoyed by that, and you still would have had the scene where the fight escalates, but at least those would have been understandable reactions.

Lanolin instead jumps to "YOU ARE BOTHERING HIM", completely ignoring the accusation that he might be a known criminal. bro. think. why would Whisper the Wolf, which you have seen with your own eyes to be extremely introverted and solitary, bother to bully a rando for no reason??? And with such a serious accusation???? I'm sorry, but imagine if Whisper instead accused Duo of beating her up, and Lanolin's reaction was "ugh you're so mean leave him alone!". Do I... Do I need to take this to the logical conclusion...?

(also really hypocritical of her to be like "noooo harassing a teammate is bad", to then fucking slam her own teammate on the ground in front of everyone :V)

[tradetobest]

ahh sorry back again bc i can't help myself... this is all too good...

the idea of willy playing like. distant wingman for mitch is so funny. i can only imagine what their text convos look like, just strings of updates of "auston just walked past but he's going to the gym... i think i heard kniesy looking for you earlier, you should find him" and "you should have seen him today, you would have thought i told him i was kicking puppies when i said you called in" and mitch trying sooo hard to be normal about it bc how do you even approach any of that!!! also, do you have any more willy hcs!! i love the idea of him being so giggly at the front desk <3

i'm literally obsessed w little server trio cc/jh/tz... like i know the three of them will get caught up in some gossip and forget they're working just to get irrationally annoyed when someone asks them for help like they're not At work... jh and tz doing the whole "i'll do it if you do it" ruse about their men and then neither of them ever end up actually doing anything, because that would be too easy... (also, i kinda need jamie angsting over how cute he thinks his server is but also knowing better than to hit on someone who's working and can't say no so he's just pining from afar. not like he'd know what to say to ask him out anyway, but!!) any time jamie comes in tz has automatic dibs on his table, even if he's on the other side of the clubhouse from the section trevor is meant to be managing...

your little woller doodle has me in knots i... his smile is SO cute i can't get over him. best kids club staff member who has ever existed...

please keep coming back i am LOVING this

as for more willy hcs hmm…. willy To Me is like. everyone describes him as the most Cool Likeable Chill guy ever but those subway commercials have him being such a goof so i think the combination of Fun and Chill vibes has him at the front desk most of the time, where he Will charm your wife and he Will also charm you, and where he is also privvy to Literally Everything that goes on. want to know some course drama? ask willy. want to know the relationship status of those two guys who always come to the course together? willy will know it.

also. idk but like. willy has the vibe of someone who would bring a sticker sheet to work and just give a kid a lil sticker once in a while when hes in a good mood. idk. i think thats cute i feel like it would be Fun Chill Willy Vibes to do……

followup i think he also can just Get Away with stuff at work bcs the old course boss just let him do shit and the new one cant stop him. Free Roaming Employee Willy Nylander.

i tried for So Long to draw lil gossip circle cc/jh/tz but it was just Nawt coming out i am SO sorry BUT oh my god the jamie wanting to not hit on trevor at work is so real. jamie just sitting there like Don't Hit On Him. He's Working. That's A Bad Power Dynamic. and trevor is like. *auston matthews lean* heyyyy to him ALL THE TIME just like praying jamie will do something to let him know he's interested....

also trevor like letting the host know to always seat jamie in his section and he WILL sprint across the restaurant to serve him. jamie just watching z RUN towards him. so funny.

THANK U woller was so fun to draw,,, he fr is the best kids club staff

[teamhawkeye]

if you popped into the Ted tag in the past two or three days, you might have been hit with the sight of a supposed DM between “him” and a fan:

however, this appears entirely false and i’m fairly certain i can prove it’s fake:

1.) Ted doesn’t talk like that. it is the most jarring part of all, aside from that this was probably entirely fabricated altogether. i’m not saying i’m privvy to his DMs or texts and how he messages people but it’s so far off from how he interacts with people on social media that it genuinely doesn’t read as him at all

2.) the misaligned text and the randomly fluctuating text size. the text size is not congruent throughout, the first message is abnormally larger than the next 3 lines, and those lines don’t match each other at all - even with the shot taken at an angle as it is, they would not look like that tilted. it is not leveled flat and straight like normal text would - nothing about it matches what an actual message layout would appear as

3.) there is not a single timestamp or date included. it is impossible to hide timestamps with the current instagram UI at the very start of correspondence in DMs

let me walk you through it-

screenshots of DMs through iPhone:

screenshots of DMs through Android/Samsung:

you can only get the giant PFP, the followers count, post counts, whether or not you follow each other, and any accounts you both follow from the very start of your DM correspondence - meaning this only shows up with the very first messages you send to an account. after sending more messages, the block of account information is no longer visible as it gets pushed up by further exchanged texts

you will also always have a date and/or timestamp at the top of the beginning of your first DMs, that’s not exclusive to one phone or tablet OS - the app itself is fairly congruent between different brands and their OSs. it is also not exclusive to accounts that follow each other or not

any other DMs from that point on will look generially like this:

you can literally only get the giant PFP, follower count, post count, etc. from the very start of your correspondence, it disappears with the more messages exchanged. and it will not appear anywhere else except on mobile or tablet

all DMs look like this from desktop - it doesn’t matter which browser, because i tested it on Firefox, Chrome, and Edge (screenshots i can also share, if you want them) and they all are the same:

dates and timestamps still at the top of the start of message threads - you cannot remove dates and timestamps from the beginning of direct correspondence with the way the instagram UI is now - it will always show the date and/or time the very first message was sent. and the block of instagram account information will only appear at the very start of messages first being exchanged

also, the big PFP, follower count, post count, etc. is not available  through desktop, only mobile and tablet, so it cannot be duplicated anywhere else

there is too much not adding up and the fact that it has proven impossible to replicate through conventional means leads me to believe and state with conviction that it is fake, manufactured

i’m not sure which app was used to do it, but based on how the picture was taken - the angle and the distance - leads me to believe a watermark or app interface was cropped out purposefully. there are multiple apps and sites out there that can be used to create such fake interactions, but beyond not knowing just which one was used, i’m also not going to exhaust myself trying to search more than i have

could i be wrong? yes, i’m not going to say that it’s impossible for me to be missing something, i’m not an instagram expert by any means

do i think i am wrong? no. too many things just don’t add up

i’m more than willing to eat my own words if everything i’ve just laid out can be proven wrong, but i genuinely cannot replicate what is displayed in that screenshot, which leads me to believe it is fake

it also lends precedent that she has been lying repeatedly about supposed interactions that i also believe have never taken place. but that’s for a whole different post of its own

if, again, anything could be brought to light to prove anything i just said to be incorrect, i would gladly recant. but i don’t see that happening. she’s locked down every account she has and the likelihood of Ted seeing any of the fuss being made about all this goes down every day, since he is so rarely online and interacts with so few replies and almost no @ s from people he doesn’t follow

[carmenlire]

aaa i just read your gonjo fic and its so good but heartbreaking in a way where gon knows how much yeong is choosing to go through for him 😭 id like to think that gon would comfort him in ways that doesnt make it obvious to yeong how much he knows about the training :') and exactly!! imagine how much gon is scared thru those 2 weeks where yeong is gone he'd be LOSING it. and yeong not being resigned about his end but resolved SO true ugh and thinking about gon hearing yeong's last words (1/?)

+he’d be SO panicked and ordering everyone to get to where yeong is. he refuses to lose yeong and saves him at any cost even if the cost is his kingdom or himself. and during the cavalry scene he shouts ‘protect your captain. he’s your future prince’ lfhfg and yeong doesnt even process it until later while gon is at yeong’s side throughout his whole recovery no matter how long that is :’) yeong being prince consort is such a good concept too the potential of him adjusting to the new role- (2/?)

both familiar and unfamiliar bc he’s at gon’s side but for a different reason 🥺 and hed be such a badass prince consort too. he still trains a lot while learning how to rule corea with gon theyd be a power couple fr. ooo im def gonna read some gonjo fics soon so ill look out for it :D and abt the SE au- RIGHT i think seeing sangwoo be vulnerable with jaeyoung after being hurt and jaeyoung frantically trying to save him and comfort him and being protective is such a fun trope ugh love them (3/3)

once again i wrote entirely too much BUT I LOVE YOUR IDEAS SO MUCH MY BRAIN IS JUST GONJO SOUP

I need you to know my jaw literally dropped whenever i read "protect your captain. he's the future prince." LIKE CAN U HEAR ME ABSOLUTELY SCREAMING!!! you're so right UR SO RIGHT!!!! Like just thinking about how all of the guards would 1) do anything for their captain like wtf they love and respect and admire yeong SO MUCH and 2) they've been on edge for two weeks too and while they weren't privvy to yeong's final voicemail to gon, they know just by the fury and anguish on gon's face that things aren't looking good 3) and then gon says that?!?!?! and suddenly their captain is even higher on their protect list??? like it's literally their one duty to protect the royal family like oh my gosh the tension is delicious!!!!!!

about the little fic i read-- yeah i do think that while gon never explicitly mentions it or brings it up; he has eyes and he can see some of the issues yeong might have-- so maybe (in my take) his thigh aches when it rains and gon knows on days it's storming, he spends in his office or persuading yeong to play hooky and have a movie marathon or something.

and of course once they're together and the (perceived) barriers fall awy between them, gon has no issue with pampering yeong and showing his care in that way-- yeong gets flustered but he can't help but smile and they both love it.

and yes!! that's part of why gonjo just makes sense! gon and yeong are a unit and being prince consort would make it so that they literally never have to part. yeong would be such a good royal-- he's smart and ambitious and brilliant at strategizing. gon considers him an invaluable asset.

i do think that it would be difficult for him to reconcile not being captain anymore-- even if gon never stops referencing him as such (omg they've been married for twenty years and his secretary will be like "u have a lunch at noon" and gon will say "will my captain be there") (of course the new captain ho-pil has learned to distinguish when he's actually being referred to).

i think yeong would probably always carry a gun on him; i can't imagine him giving that up. and i'm picturing maybe the first time they're together and there's an incident (someone fires a gun?) and yeong instinctively tackels gon just for one of the guards to tackle them both and gon is both amused and endeared and incensed whie yeong is just like what am i supposed to do (ho-pil: let me do my job. sir.)

and i'm thinking about how meticulous and cold he would be when him and gon have children and he needs the guards to understand just how important protecting them are-- the new guards who didn't know yeong before he married gon would be literally shaking but ho-pil and in-young and mi-reuk stand up to the challenge.

and yes-- i love the SE dynamics so much and i think it translates so well into so many AUs!!! personally, i'd love to see a coffeeshop au where jaeyoung is a barista and sangwoo is a regular who always orders, like, an iced americano and jaeyoung makes it his mission to have sangwoo try fun drinks (and score a date in the process).

[the-ghost-in-my-dreams]

As I'm reviewing YouTube content coming out since the announcement at the beginning of the month, I am just shocked about everything that is coming out, absolutely flabbergasted. I couldn't imagine such a thing would come to pass even as I investigate another such scumbag. And how much it took to get anything done about it. Goes to show how my expectations have fluctuated along with any hope for justice. Also the lawyer of that case said that the feds won't do anything unless they have solid evidence and solid information before they do anything. And well because I am a victim collecting such evidence is difficult and only by luck I am able to get any information or evidence. I'm honestly waiting for the names that will eventually come out, Diddy's house in LA was raided so with any luck it will shed light in that area where JBS lists as his home on his resume and public records. I'm also waiting to see if there were any corrupt law enforcement officials involved which if true, for me it would be a confirmation of what I suspect is also happening in Southern California. This is just wild and crazy all around. I'm also wondering if the 6 degree thing and the blogs started a domino effect. So many things happening it's information overload for real. It's going to be a long road it seems now and if I'm proved right by the masses I can only say that raydawg made the dumbest decision ever and like I predicted in the beginning, he brought himself down and his crime ring. Two years to do something to fix it yet the lust and greed for money kept them from fixing the problem that was inevitable. For those who are not privvy to what's going on at my end of this research, a quick example of how similar it is, I am the Noah, Raymond Raydawg is the Jennifer Lopez, and John BM Sanchez is Diddy. Look it up and find out 😉 I can rant a lot longer but I don't want to overload my brain with all the new revelations. I just had to get some of it out it's overwhelming. Stay tuned.

[hvneybxns]

he didn't like this version of himself, one that she hadn't been privvy to before, the version that was had closed himself off when hannah had left her ring on the side and left, the version that had just started to trust again when stacey had confirmed that no one meant it when they said that things were good and right now bristol felt a whole lot like the rest of them that had up and left the second things felt like they might get hard for a moment. "don't give me any more reason to go and try knock the fucker out, i did once and he wouldn't bite if he comes anywhere near you right now i won't even try and get him to swing first." his jaw tensed at the thought of her anywhere near jackson and how upset he had made her, the irony of such a reaction not lost on him in the moment. " no of course not that's not what i'm saying, i'm sorry i did it, i'm sorry i didn't send her away the second i realised she was at the game and that i got into a fight and that there was even a reason for her to be around me, i am sorry, fuck bristol i'm sorry that i have a son that you didn't know about." angel dropped his hands, taking back the step he had used to close the distance between them. "i'm sorry i'm not the same guy you signed up for when we got married and that something else in my life became that important to me! i'm sorry someone hurt you so much that you can't trust me and that i gave you any reason to make that worse, i'm sorry that you didn't come to me for comfort and felt the need to run across an ocean! i don't what the fuck i'm meant to do if you don't trust me."

jaw agape as he pushed back . hazel eyes narrowing on the man she could barely recognize in this moment . " that's uncalled for , " she gulps down , turning her head away from him for a moment . an attempt at a steady breath coming from her . " oh well , in that case , " arms flailing up in the air , a harsh laugh coming from her , " what is there to be mad at ? you only slept in a bed with her ... " rolling her eyes , the frustration bubbling up in her small frame . " should i go sleep in a bed with one of my exes ? because that's something we do now ? " bristol knew she had trust issues , sometimes a bit dramatic in nature but in this moment she knew she wasn't overreacting . this was not okay , no matter how angel tried to excuse his actions . " i didn't ask you follow me , i needed space , " she says plainly . the very mention of his son creating a pit in her stomach . " what i wanted you do was not give me a reason to not trust you ... " her voice now soft and taking up very little space . the idea of so much as leaving for tour or him for games contaminated by the idea that if she's not around he can't handle being on his own . shifting in her stance , his apology falls on deaf ears almost immediately . " sorry means nothing when it's followed by a but , " she points out , " we can agree on one thing though , it makes me sick that you slept next someone else . "

[foxcassius]

as i look at job listings here in korea, i cant help but still dream of that private lesson life. like, every job here will still expect you to teach 6 classes a day 5 days a week, for like a maximum wage of 2.4 million won per month. i could make twice that teaching that many classes in a private lesson setting, and i could easily make the SAME wage and just work less (ideal scenario)

[saucylittlesmile]

.

[kichoukotori]

Several years ago I briefly worked in the warehouse of a nondescript extremely large e-commerce company. I had no other options for employment but desperately needed money. Turnover was like 150%. I worked from something like 7pm to 5am, my commute was 50 minutes each way and before I got paid I didn't even have the cash for enough gas to get home one night and had to bum $10 off of my kid sibling (this is all to give you an idea of my abysmal mental state while employed here.) You're not allowed to do anything besides your job, no music or anything and they track your movement on cameras so you can't even take a breather. The job is real monotonous, you get sent boxes of items of random sizes and you have to put the items into shelves of varying sizes and the shelves come to you, you don't walk to them. Because the company tracks the rate at which you put items on these shelves, many small items are desirable because you can put a lot of them in quickly. Everything about the place seems almost designed intentionally to break you mentally and turn you into a robot. So I'm about 6 or 7 hours into my shift, feeling on the verge of a mental collapse, and up comes a container with a bunch of small white boxes, bout half the size of a deck of cards. No labels. Great, I'm already happy about whatever these things are. So I go to scan them in, and it gives you the name of the item and a little picture. Sasuke Penis Costume. What? Sasuke Penis Costume. A picture of that red cloud robe from Naruto and one of the headbands with the metal plate on it. I'm thinking, there's no way. What is a penis costume? Am I hallucinating this? And there's so many of them, literally about a hundred, and I know I'm going to be spending at least an hour with Sasuke Penis Costume, there's so many and they're so small, I'm already excited about the potential efficiency of these, and then I see it's Sasuke Penis Costume? So the entire shift I'm like, trying to not put these things away too quick, because honestly I'm starting to build a kind of kinship with them. This is quite literally the most exciting thing to happen to me during my whole 2 week employment at the warehouse. I started to see Sasuke Penis Costume as a friend, some reminder of the outside world, a reminder of the humanity I was becoming so unfamiliar with, a reminder the world contained comedy, art, anime, and penis. I really couldn't tell you if I ended up putting all of them away, the last thing I remember is my desperate need to look these items up when I got home. I needed a link to send to my friends for when I told them this riveting story. I learned that the costume is called the Akatsuki cloak in my fervent search for the item, and wouldn't you know it, absolutely zero trace of these things exists online. Not on the e-commerce website, not on any specialized penis-costume websites (whose existence I was not privvy to prior to this incident) and no third-party retailer has these. Not even Google images will show me the hypothetical existence of Sasuke Penis Costume. Every few months I look it up, trying to find evidence that it can be bought, that any of this was ever real. My bond, my friendship, and dare I say even love for Sasuke Penis Costume feels as tangible as the boxes they came in, and yet the universe will give me no closure of their fate. Less and less frequently I search for them, each time becoming more and more discouraged that I will ever find them, but unlike their substance on this earth, one thing is inarguably certain. Sasuke Penis Costume exists to me, and it will live on firmly and resolutely within my memory and within my heart.