#i am not nb myself so if anything is off please reach out

[oftheallfather]

original post and blank here!

[9tzuyu]

closest to me

prompt: coming out to natasha as nonbinary

note: totally meant to write this months ago, but whateverrrr. and yes, i am aware that not all nb people use they/them, this was just my own little work :p.

warnings: being scared to come out to ur sexy redhead russian of a gf :[

i’d tag but i also don’t want to somehow trigger someone :[

thank u moli for proofreading i love u to the moon and back.

. . .

you’d come out to two of your close friends, ones you knew wouldn’t judge you. they’d taken it just as expected, but that was no surprise when you’d known them your entire life. your shared opinions and thoughts were what brought you together in the first place. 

your friends immediately began using your correct pronouns, and you’d never felt more right in your life. it was refreshing to hear yourself being referred by they/them rather than she/her. their constant support made you feel normal again. after so much struggling, things were finally being put into place.

but there was one person, one very important person whom you hadn’t come out to yet, and that was your girlfriend.

natasha.

the thought of having the conversation alone with her was terrifying. granted, you knew she’d never be anything but supportive, but all the what if’s came flooding through with each attempt you made. 

your fingers trembled as you fiddled with the silver chain around your neck, a nervous habit you’d seemed to form over the years of wearing it. 

god you wanted to tell her so bad.

but as you stood in the kitchen, natasha’s hands around your waist, you began to panic all over again. the familiar fear of judgment wrapped around your throat. 

you didn’t know natasha the majority of your life like you did with friends, so you weren’t really sure what her exact opinions on different pronouns were. sure, she was part of the lgbt community, and of course she was supportive of trans people, but it still made you wonder how she’d feel about pronouns that weren’t he/him or she/her. 

“what’s on your mind, baby? i can practically hear the gears turning in your head.” 

you sighed. natasha always knew when you were lying, so you couldn’t make something up off the top of your head. she wouldn’t force you to talk either though. she’d give a push, but nothing more until you were certain you were ready — or in some cases, when she knew it was becoming too much to bear on your own. 

“just dumb stuff. i’ll get over it soon.” 

natasha nodded against your back, containing her concern for now. “you know i’m here.” she whispered, taking one of your hands away from your necklace.

“want to go downtown? we can look at some of the new shops that just opened up” 

you smiled, “sure.”

for the next few weeks, you weren’t seeming to find any relief though, and natasha picked up on it. she tried her best to make things easier for you, but none of it seemed to work. 

time and time again you reassured her that nothing was wrong, that things would clear up on their own, but another month down the road and natasha could still sense that something was eating away at you.

it’d gotten a little more obvious now. you didn’t go out as much with her when she was with her friends. the constant referral to you as something, or someone, you weren’t was a steady reminder of how outcast you’d originally felt when coming to terms with who you are. 

“she/her” felt like a slap in the face every time you heard it. the words were exhausting, damn near agonizing to hear. but day after day you tried to suck it up out of fear of being rejected by one of the very special people you loved most. 

it wasn’t until one sunday night when natasha came home to you crying in your shared bed when she’d finally had enough. her worry was through the roof and seeing you struggle so much pained her. 

she dropped her keys on the nightstand and crawled into bed behind you, securing her arms tightly around your figure. 

“talk to me. whatever it is, i want to hear about it.”

but that only made you cry harder. you couldn’t help but feel more alienated than you already felt. why were you crying over such a stupid little thing? you could already hear the false words slip from natasha’s lips.

“hey, baby. shh, shh, you’re okay.”

you turned your body to face natasha, teary eyes looking into hers. “you might hate me, or think i’m weird, or a freak, or that i’m just confused.” 

your girlfriend gently combed through your hair with her nails. “i could never think those things about you. please tell me what this is about because i have no idea and i just want to help.”

her steady hand movement rubbing your arm while the other twirled your hand between her fingertips eventually brought you to a more reasonable state. 

“you know how trans people typically go by their opposing pronouns?”

“mhm.”

“well... i don’t- i just- god this is so frustrating!” you frowned, unconsciously grasping at the chain around your neck.

“are you trying to tell me you’re trans?”

“no, no, it’s not that. well, i don’t think so, depends on who you talk to. some people like me consider themselves to be classified under the trans umbrella, but not everyone.” 

natasha hummed once more while tracing small shapes against your skin. 

“what do you think of nonbinary people? like, you know, those who don’t use she/her or he/him?” 

she shrugged, and your heart sank for a brief second before she spoke. “i don’t have a problem with it. why?”

“i don’t like being referred to as she/her. my pronouns are they/them. i’m not a man and i’m not a woman... will that ever bother you?”

a smile broke out across the redhead’s face. “doesn’t bother me one single bit. i love you for you, y/n. not for who you think you’re supposed to be.” 

relief was all you could feel. as cliche as it sounded, the weight of the world felt like it had been lifted from your shoulders. you didn’t have to worry anymore, not while natasha was around.

“is this what’s been bothering you for so long?”

you reached over and grabbed a loose red strand, it was your turn to play with her hair. “yeah. i knew you wouldn’t judge, but-”

“what if.” she confirmed and you nodded. 

“does anyone else know?”

“just my two friends i grew up with.”

“no one else?” you shook your head, looping a red curl around your finger. “nope.”

“is that why you stopped hanging out with me, tony, clint and the rest of them? because everyone referred to you as she and her?”

“yeah, felt like a punch in the stomach every time i heard it. made me feel weird, not normal i guess.” you mumbled, almost embarrassed by the confession.

natasha placed a long kiss on the top of your head, rubbing your back for extra support. “they would never judge you, i’d cut them off in a heartbeat if they did. if it helps any, i can ask how they feel about it? poke around some and let you know what they say? then when they don’t have a problem with it, which they won’t, you can come out when you’re ready, yeah?”

you nodded again, although it was slightly hesitant. “sounds good.”

“forgive me if i mess up a couple of times. i’ll try not to make a big deal out of it and just correct myself.” another kiss was delivered to your head.

“oh! last question. promise.”

“yes?”

“when im around other people and you’re not with me do you want me to use they/them? i don’t want to out you when you’re not ready.”

“i swear you’re perfect,” you giggled. “but you can use they/them both when im with you and when i’m not. just try to keep it casual? please?”

“anything for you, sweetheart.”

[dollymadness]

Hello. Shoto falling in love with a villian (with tragic back-story). At first he's very bothered by his feelings but later on he finds out their story and he understands the villian's side however villian hates his father and wants to murder shoto to avenge his family who were abandoned by endeavor during a house fire.

Pro hero Shoto x villain NB reader

hey loml !! sorry, this took me too long

Villain quirk: Fierce Snake - they can shapeshift into a full fierce snake or only incorporate the animal senses (which includes venom, highly sensitive skin, improved chemosensory...) on their human form.

You can choose the particularity of the snake that suits better on the situation.

The drawback is the short time you have on the full form, or when you are using more then one sense.

You are the ambicious type, with a indeed charming nature. A person that woudn't hesitate on sacrificing everything and yourself to reach the main goal.

But you are sure such extreme attitude won't be needed at all, due to your clever and logic brain. One thing, out of all that you are sure, is to overanalyse each move, every little step is calculated.

Shoto is a highly rated pro hero, on his prefered area. He isn't the biggest fan of the front line, the battle and the caos. Instead, he choose to live in the shadows, working successively suceed stealth missions.

Todoroki is the best type of spy, he is polite, cool-headed and extremely smart. The man is even more effective than Hawks was, he is changing this behalf of the heroe society to be more straight to the point, functional.

However, is not always that easy to find the needed information. After all those years, the company decided to try again an old strategy.

"All i have to do is go there and say i want to join? Sir, with all the respect, but-" Even being the CEO, Shoto is always respectful with his co-workers, even giving them power and space to desagree with him and openly point it out.

"Sir, i'm telling you that this will work. If you want, i can show the presentation again, and all the points to prove it's the best change we have."

There were rumors that the villains are planning something big against the top heroes, however they can't get even a small clew. All the pre-existing methods had failed on them and the team suggested to Shoto to infilter, alike his precursor.

It's a big and, on Shotos concepition, dumb step to make. The villains woudn't feel on the same trick two times, would they? "So many time has passed since then..." His co-worker argument was valid too. "You can easily scape if it goes wrong." Obviously he can. He would be the number one if wasn't for his area of action.

He is scared, but doesn't let it show on his expression when he agree. After all the discuss, they get out of the company with a well thought plan, step by step.

On the other side, the delinquents were also working on their main scheme. They wanted a war, as the LOV once did, but they needed a strong weapon to realize such, they wanted something better than the nomus, maybe an item to potentialize their individualitys. Still, they didn't have a clear direction.

Mei is the big brain, the scientist. Is she an inventor from the heroes side? Yes. Does she give a single fuck to the motivation besides just creating insane "babys"? No.

And she isn't getting anywhere with her "basic creations", in their masters word. All the villains can do by now is mess with hero society as much as possible and wait to their weapon to come to life.

Shoto is getting his job done. He putted himself into the ghettos and patiently waited. "Hey, hey, hey! What do we have here?" The elastic masquerade man curls on the walls next to Sho. "How can i serve you, your majesty?" He sneers, while the hero keep his face emotionless.

Todoroki then explains his will to join the villains, with the excuse of the hate of his on father and all the abuse he did to him, that part was not enterely a lie. He even managed to split out that he never wanted to be a hero, only doing for parental pressure.

The criminal listened with boredom filling his face, taking Shoto inside.

"Oh, if it's not our royal highness! Tell your dad i said hi." The Mastermind proceeds to talk by the moment Shoto walks in.

"Hello, sir." He started politely, lowering his head to show respect. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but i came here to offer my help to your crew."

Again, he gave the same excuse he'd gave minutes ago.

"I see. But don't think that i'm going to accept a filthy rat like you that easily... those who don't learn with the history are complete fools. You know are i'm talking about, don't you?" His voice was so low, barely audible and it send shivers on Shotos spine.

"Yes, sir, but i'm willing to prove my worthy." Todoroki could hear his voice cracking, the moment isn't bringing good memories.

His father was the one who used to put him in such a humiliating position.

"You can start by begging. If you want it, you will do anything, is that correct?" He watches as Sho silently gets on his knees. "And stop with that 'sir' thing. 'Master' will do." A big smirk appears

"Yes, master." He was starting to feel disgusted by himself, but didn't back off. "Please, let me join this league. I'm begging, Master, please." Hate on the most pure form runs throught his veins while he stay still, looking to the ground as it is the most interesting thing on earth.

"Tsc. I don't know if that erection you getting me is enough. What do you think, Y/N?" You suddenly emerges from the back of the empty dark room and joins in.

"Give the guy a chance, if he is bad we can just cut his head off." You see Shoto fighting his urge to look up and see your face, and it steals a laugh of your part.

"As you seem like having so much fun with this worm here, now he is under your wing. Test him as much as you want and if he fucks everything up, i'll blame you. Understood?" The Mastermind now shows that he's harsh to his allies to.

"Understood!" The man walks away, letting you and Shoto solve this new problem you both got into.

"So... what do you'll like for me to call you, peasant?"

"Shoto is enough."

"Okay, call me Y/N, i don't need all this formality that Master likes... get up." you order and he hops up in a second.

"Endeavors son is under my wing... a bit ironic, don't you think?" laughing to yourself, he eyes you as you clingy around his shoulder.

"You know what? This is going to be fun..." You shift into a snake, curling up on his neck, as Todoroki jumps in fear.

"So, Shoto, how you're going to prove me that you aren't faking this shit?" You turn into human again, only to shift again on his arm. "Huh?" Again, and now he is getting used to it.

"I-i don't now, 'boss'. You are the one to tell me this, right?" You finally stop, feeling pure joy while the young man has fear all over his face, body tense and eyes about to jump off.

"Yes, darling, i am. Trust me, if this is a setup, you will regret." You threat biting his neck, laughing as you walk away.

You put Shoto in all possible kinds of difficult situations...

He had to share confidential information about his hero friends.

Let the villains take a building filled of civillians.

And he had to help on the secret missions all along. You would curl on his neck and move for the extension of his shoulder, just to remember him that all his moves are being watched.

Shoto is skillful, and it's not hard to notice. In a short amount of time, he is already a pro on the wickedness. Slowly turning himself into a cold-hearted villain, and doesn't seem to hate it.

"Sho!" You two were leaving another building, with some items that Hatsume required. "You think that's funny?"

You try to play mad, but end up laughing with him. Shoto had freezed you just to mess around, and is now using his quirk to creat a beard on your face.

"I do." He complains, moving away to have a good vision of the scene he created.

"Of course you do, bastard. Set me free now!"

"Or what?" He teases.

"You know i can do it by myself, but i'm giving you the chance to redeem before i kill you." The playful tone don't make it less ominous.

"Make me." As the words drop out his mouth, you shift into a snake and get out of the ice, shaped to your human form.

You crawl till him, turning back into your normal form and quickly choking him. "Now we are talking."

"Any last words before i make you regret?" Your nails are sinking on his soft skin.

"I was couting on it." He smiles.

.

.

.

There will be a part 2 soon !! :)

[kookscrescent]

The Wake Up Call┊pjm

⇢ paιrιng┊idol!jimin x f reader ⇢ ѕυммary┊you fail to wake up your boyfriend the old fashioned way, therefore you turn to the one thing you know he won't be able to resist.  ⇢ genre┊ smut, established relationship, boyfriend!au ⇢ warnιngѕ┊pwp, sexual intercourse, oral (m receiving), riding, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), cursing, dirty talk, crude words  ⇢ word coυnт��1.7k words┊unedited ⇢ dιѕclaιмer┊This is all fiction! Nothing mentioned/written are facts and/or real! So please just keep that in mind when reading and enjoy! Thank you ♡ 

⇥ Masterlist

NB! This is all fiction! Nothing mentioned/written are facts and/or real! So please just keep that in mind when reading and enjoy! Thank you ♡

“Jimin, wake up,” you gently shake your sleeping boyfriend, but to no avail, “Babe, you need to leave in an hour,” again you shake him and this time he protests a groan. He rolls to his side and buries his face amongst the pillows.

You sigh. He was the one that asked you to wake him up at 6:45 am in the first place! And now he doesn’t want to?! He has to – his schedule starts at 8:20 am, but the man still needs to shower, get ready, have some sort of quick breakfast and leave at least by 8:05 to make it in time.

You give it another go, “Jimin!”

Still nothing, but you notice his eyelashes flutter slightly. Is he ignoring you on purpose?

You need something to get him out of bed! Something he won’t be able to say no to. Hmm, something that will wake him up and he won’t be able to resist? A sudden idea pops into your head.

You smirk devilishly to yourself as you gently push his shoulder, making him turn to his back. Kicking the duvet to the end of the bed, you crawl between his lightly spread legs.

He’s never been able to resist this, you think and run the palms of your hands gently up his bare thighs and grasp the waistband of his black boxers. He is already sporting semi hard morning wood, so you won’t have to do much to get him worked up in the first place.

He still doesn’t move. Not even when you drag his boxers down his legs as far as you can get them. You stop at his knees. That will have to do.

His cock lays against is stomach, proud and ready – the thick, veiny shaft making your fingers itch to reach out and touch it.

You weren’t really in the mood before, but you sure are now!

Wrapping your hand around his shaft, you give him a few leisurely strokes to test the waters. He does nothing on the first few, but as your hand tightens around him and gains speed, he stirs. He hums, a rumble so loud coming from his chest that you are surprised he didn’t wake himself up.

You thumb his slit, stroking it back and forth and enjoying the way his stomach muscles twitch.

Surely, he is going to wake up any second now. But just for good measure, you wrap your lips around the head of his cock, your tongue replacing your thumbs previous action.

No more than a few seconds later, does Jimin open his eyes in shock and pleasure. You look up at him from beneath your lashes while trying to look as innocent as possible.

“Shit!” he grumbles falling back on the bed.

With his eyes closed, he runs his hands through his morning hair. He breaths deeply, still confused and trying to piece together what is going on. Well, he knows what is going on, but why is the question. Not that he in any way is complaining! Is there any better way to wake up than with your gorgeous as fuck girlfriend sucking your cock? NO!

Working your mouth lower on him, you cup his balls with your free hand – massaging and gently rolling them, adding to his pleasure. You work up a rhythm, pushing and pulling him in and out of your mouth, careful of your teeth.

Each time you pull up, your tongue swirls and licks around his swollen head. You are drawing deep groans and grunts from him, and you can feel how wet you are between you clenched thighs. You were only supposed to use this as a tactic to get him to wake up, but suddenly all thoughts of that are out the window!

“F-Fuck!” Jimin stammers, his head thrown back. One of his hands tangles in your hair, “Keep going baby,” he encourages.

Gradually, he starts rocking his hips, pulling himself deeper. You let him do as he pleases for a few moments, until you can’t take it no more. You need something too!

Jimin protests when he falls from your mouth, hard and pre cum leaking from his tip, but the protest quickly dies down when you crawl over him and discard you top along the way, leaving you naked except for your soaked thong.

With a swift movement you pull the flimsy fabric to the side and guide him inside of you.

“Oooohhhh,” you sink down on him inch by delicious inch.

“Yes baby! You’re fucking soaked!” Under hooded eyes, his gaze catch yours, “You get this wet from just sucking my cock?”

“Yes!” You gasp and roll your hips effortlessly over his.

Your head drops back, your hands placed firmly on his bare chest as you begin bouncing on him, setting a deadly pace. You are so close to coming. You can feel it.

Jimin scoots further up the bed, barely even interrupting you rhythm. With a firm grip, he grabs both of your ass cheeks. He applies pressure, rocking you over him faster and harder. Shit! You are co fucking close!

“Jimin I’m so close!” Everything inside of you is shaking. Your legs, your hands, your arms. Every fiber within you feels alive, building towards a climax so strong.

“Yeah? You gonna make yourself cum on my cock?” He growls. “You’re so goddamn tight! Your pussy was made for me! So perfect!”

At this point you have already given up, your body slumped forward on Jimin’s chest. He takes over without question. His hips smacking against the back of your thighs, completely undulating you.

Your mind has gone blank, the only sound coming from you is your desperate gasps of air as your body tries to keep up with the man under you.

This is not how you saw this panning out. You were only supposed to tease him a little so he would wake up, but somehow you have become the desperate and needy one here.

“Oh my fuck!” you bite down on his shoulder when the pressure inside of you boils up and almost snaps.

Jimin curses and almost cums right then and there from the feeling of your teeth sinking into his shoulder. “You’re gonna make me cum.”

You can do nothing but nod, your voice has at some point decided to leave the building.

“Would you like that, huh?” He asks, his eyes burning, “you want me to cum inside of your soaked pussy?”

Vigorously you nod. God, you want nothing more at this point.

Pounding into you, he hits you so perfectly that you cum around him immediately.

“Jimin!” You cry loudly into his shoulder. Your hands are clawing at his chest as you hold on for dear life, letting the immense fire of your orgasm curse through you.

He is relentless. Not letting up and driving you to the point of almost passing out.

“Oh fuck, I’m coming!” he barely breaths the words before you feel him spilling inside of you – coating you walls and leaving behind a trace of himself.

You are both panting like wild animals as you come down, catching your breaths.

Turning your head, you rest your forehead against his. You pull his lips to yours, pecking them sweetly three times before you pull back to look at him.

“Good morning,” you smile lazily.

He chuckles lightly, making you move on his chest. “A very good morning indeed.”

“But at expanse do I deserve to be woke up this way?” he then asks you.

“You told me to wake you up, but you wouldn’t wa – oh shit!” You screech, your eyes fixated on the clock on the bedside table. 7:47! Shit! He’s going to be late! You get off him in an instant, his cock slipping from your heat. Jimin shines in disappointment.

“Jimin, you’re going to be late!”

“What? No, I’m not,” he replies and casts a look on the clock as well. His pupils dilate upon seeing the digits, “Shit! I’m going to be late!”

Rushing out of bed, as naked and glorious as he is, he almost falls flat on his ass getting tangled in the sheets. You try to hold back the laughter that is threatening to escape, but you fail. You laugh as he curses, quickly retreating a new pair of boxers from the dresser.

“Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?!”

Oh hell no! “I tried!” you protest, dragging your top over your head and down your body, “but you wouldn’t wake up.”

He speed walks to the closet, “So you thought it would be a good time to have sex?”

“I was only meant to tease you a little, but��� I couldn’t help myself,” you pout.

He walks back out with fully dressed in a pair of black jeans and a t shirt. His hair is a mess but he doesn’t really have time to do anything about it. Thank god he doesn’t have any public appearances on his schedule today.

He stops in front of you, cupping both of your cheeks and plants a kiss on your still pouting lips, “God I love that you couldn’t help yourself,” another kiss, “and god I love you.” He plants another and kiss and you smile into the kiss.

“I love you too and I’m sorry I made you late.”

He lightly shakes his head and let’s go of your cheeks. You want to protest, but you let it go. “To hell with that. I can be late today. I’m sorry I raised my voice at you.”

“It’s okay,” you assure him and hug yourself to his body, “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

“I really didn’t,” he brings your lips back to his for another kiss and you relax against him. Hmm, you could spend all day attached to his lips.

Even though you don’t want to, you pull back, “You really should get going.”

“Shit! Right, fuck…” combing his hand through his hair, you both pull apart and you watch as he gathers all his things and head for the front door. You follow behind him.

“I’ll see you later tonight,” your lips become attached again, but only for a few seconds. “Don’t wait up for me, okay.”

You frown, “Why not?”

“I wanna repay the favor,” he says with a wink, the door closing behind him.

I realized that I hadn't written something smutty interlay dedicated to Jimin, so I got the idea for this and here we are ;) I hope you enjoyed reading - and remember reblog and comments truly does inspire and motivate creators to keep going! Thank You!

[isis-astarte-diana]

Handmaiden

Summary: “Let me touch you. Please, Missy.” Early on in your relationship, you share a quiet afternoon with Missy in the vault.

Warnings: NSFW. No weird kinks! Just sex! Little bit of insecurity from Missy but it’s just fluff. Also, talking about murder as foreplay (MIHOW).

Word Count: 1816

NB: I thought these two requests fit pretty nicely together! I consider this a follow-up to Vault Night, because I loved creating that soft Missy and I don’t want her to go to waste. This fic is dedicated to the subset of my 100+ followers that I believe to be tops (all five of you).

“You’re so beautiful.”

Missy scoffs, pressing a tender kiss to the inside of your thigh. The skin there is damp from your orgasm. You card your fingers through the curls of her hair, coming loose from its pins where you’ve tugged on it. “That’ll be the endorphins talking, poppet.”

“Is that so?” You brush your knuckles against her cheek and her lashes flutter closed as she nuzzles into the touch. “You do look very nice from this angle.”

She opens her eyes and gazes up at you with breathtaking blue, nipping at your thigh playfully, making you yelp. “And yet you can still string a sentence together,” she observes, “so I obviously haven’t finished the job.”

Leaning in, she drags the flat of her tongue between your slick folds. Your head falls back against the sofa with a shuddering gasp. You’re still oversensitive, humming with pleasure, and you gently push her away. She pouts, feigning offence.

“Oh, no,” you chuckle breathlessly. “I think I’m well and truly out for the count.” She reluctantly allows you to unhook your legs from over her shoulders, sinking back on her heels. You lean forwards to kiss her. Her lips are swollen from their tireless efforts and thick with the taste of you.

She’s kneeling on a brocade cushion in front of the sofa, backlit by honey-coloured sunlight from what she assures you are not real windows, don’t worry, stripped down to her corset and chemise. Every curve and swell of her body is cast in perfect silhouette. It makes you wish you could paint her like this.

“Let me touch you,” you murmur into her mouth, stroking her neck until she shivers. “Please, Missy.”

“Whatever you want.”

You trail your fingers beneath her chin as you stand up and she tilts her head to watch you, lips parted, adoration so plain on her face that it makes your heart leap. She accepts your proffered hand and rises gracefully to her feet.

“You promised to teach me to dance,” you recall idly, tugging her closer until her chest is flush with yours. The thin chemise feels delightfully obscene against your naked breasts. She tilts her head, resting her hand in the small of your back, and you bury your face in her neck.

“Yes, well, perhaps not just now, love.” Her sarcasm is belied by an unsteady quaver in her voice as you work wet kisses over her throat. “I did have other things in mind.”

“You dance so beautifully.” A graze of teeth; she gasps. “I wish I could keep up with you.”

“I’ve had centuries of practice.”

“Hmm.” You turn her around with firm hands on her waist. She lets you. Cradling her hips with your own, you slide your fingers higher, cupping her breast. “Centuries of practice at pleasing a woman, too.”

“That part just comes naturally.”

“I don’t doubt it.” You tease her nipple through the fabric, drawing it to a tight point. She arches into the touch as you trail your lips across her shoulder. “If I could make you feel as good-”

“You do,” she interjects, resting her hands over yours. “You always do.”

You smile against her skin. “You promise?”

“Oh, yes.” She guides your hand down to cup her mound through the linen, her breath hitching at the contact. You press your fingers gently against the warm, damp fabric. “I promise.”

“My beautiful Mistress.” Missy lets out a soft noise of pleasure. “How would you like me? My hands? My mouth?”

“I’m yours to do with as you please, dearest.” The words make your spine prickle with delight. 

“First, I want you to take this damn corset off.”

She looks over her shoulder, batting her lashes. “Do it for me?”

Your arms loose from around her with a theatrical sigh and you step away to work at the laces. “You’re lucky that I love you.”

There’s no trace of teasing in her voice when she murmurs, “yes, I am.”

Her skilled knots come apart easily beneath your fingers and you loosen the laces one at a time, moving hastily, eager to have her naked in your arms. When you reach around her waist to undo the clasps she wriggles against you. “Do you always have to be such a tease?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She stretches, catlike, when the corset falls away, sighing languidly. “You would have made an excellent handmaiden the last time I was in Victorian London.”

“Did you have one?” You drop it to the floor.

“Would you be jealous if I did?”

Hands on her hips, you tug her closer, kissing the back of her neck. “Would you like me to be?”

She dodges the question. “I’ll bring you, next time.”

“You’d better.” You nip at her earlobe and she giggles sweetly. “I can’t have another woman undressing you. The poor thing wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“I don’t kill my lady’s maids. I’d have to do everything myself.”

“Who said you’d be the one to kill her?” Missy inhales sharply, arching her back and pressing her arse against you.

“Oh, poppet. I do love it when you talk dirty.” You gather the material of her chemise in your hands, lifting it clear of her thighs and hips. “How would you do it?”

“Messily, I expect.” You move just far enough away to pull it off and she assists you, lifting her arms and bowing her head, showing you the curve of her strong shoulders and the faint definition along her spine. The sight of her like this is a rare treat. While her libido is unmatched, Missy doesn’t often like to be completely naked in the vault. She has no such qualms about your nudity, of course, and encourages it at every opportunity.

You still can’t play Für Elise, though you wouldn’t exactly call that piano lesson a failure.

“Happy now?” She turns in place with a flourish, striking a pose that would shame any classical sculptor.

“Ecstatic,” you reassure, taking her in your arms. She melts into the embrace as your hands rove greedily across her back, your thigh sliding between hers. The slickness of her is scalding against your skin. “You’re beautiful, Missy.”

“So you keep saying,” she teases, but her eyes are soft. “Not that I mind.”

“I can’t help it.” You pull at her hips, angling your knee, rocking her against the pressure of your thigh so that she gasps. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“You, my girl, are a sentimental fool.”

“And you, my Mistress, are a vision.” Her head falls back with a quiet moan when you squeeze her arse. “I’d sell my soul just to touch you.”

“Luckily for you, I’m all set for souls.” She rakes her nails down your back and makes you hiss. “But I will remember that.”

“Anything you asked me, I would do.” You tilt your head to catch her gaze; she studies you carefully, something unreadable stirring behind her eyes. “Whatever you wanted. Anything.”

Her arms slide around your neck and she lifts her head, bringing her lips to your ear and pressing a soft kiss there. “Fuck me,” she breathes.

You spin her around and she lets you, lets you guide her onto her back on the sofa and settle between her legs. Her fingers thread into your hair when you trail kisses down her breastbone, dragging your fingertips against the warm insides of her parted thighs. The first stroke of your index finger between her folds makes her groan and your eyes roll back at the feeling of her, velvet soft and hot as the stars, drenched for you and you alone. Two fingers slide inside of her with ease.

“You feel so good,” you murmur against her breast, crooking your fingers until she whines and grasps at your bicep. “You look incredible like this.” She tugs you higher with the hand wound in your hair, seeking your mouth with hers.

Blindly you swipe your thumb across her vulva, caressing the slippery flesh until you feel her clitoris. She jerks underneath your hand and you flex your wrist, rocking your fingers inside her as you stroke the firm bud with the pad of your thumb. Her lips part against yours.

Missy’s breath comes short and fast into your mouth, her hips rolling in time with your movements, fingernails digging into the naked skin of your shoulder. You try to move your head to give her room to breathe but she holds you in place, working slick and messy kisses over your bottom lip between her hoarse gasps. She still tastes of you.

The walls of her cunt flutter around your fingers and you know she won’t take long. You can feel her pulse, the hypnotising double heartbeat, every time her muscles clench. As your angle shifts just barely, she turns her face away.

“There,” she pants, closing her eyes tightly and leaning her head back. “There, like that, don’t stop.”

“I won’t.” You nuzzle into her neck, kissing the sweat-damp skin there, breathing in the scent of her. “I want to make you come on my fingers, Missy. My beautiful Mistress. All mine.”

She rocks back as if to escape the stimulation and you follow her, feeling her leg wrap around you and her heel dig into your arse, pulling you closer. The joint of your wrist is just beginning to protest but you push through. All thoughts of handmaidens, of vaults, of time travel and planets made of diamonds are gone from your mind, wilting in comparison to the sight of her beneath you, the sting of her fingernails in your back, the way her soft walls clutch at your fingers.

“You’re amazing,” you breathe against her throat, hardly conscious of the words streaming from you now. “I love you, gorgeous. I’m yours.”

She comes with a feral cry, holding onto you so tightly that you lose your breath. It’s all that you can do to stroke her through the spasms, easing the aftershocks from her body, feeling the evidence of her orgasm soak your hand down to the palm. Her thighs tighten around your wrist and you take your cue to withdraw, slow as you can, soothing her with soft kisses as she quakes and gasps.

You’re halfway to your knees, ready to find a cloth to clean her up with, when she pulls you forcefully back down to cover her body with your own. “Stay,” she commands, but it’s unsteady and it doesn’t sound very authoritative. In fact, it’s more sulky. “It’s cold when you move.”

“Cold?” You scoff but do as you’re told, snuggling into her. She pets your hair, soothing the discomfort where she’s clutched at your scalp. “I’m not a blanket, you know.”

“No,” she agrees, kissing the top of your head. “But you are the finest handmaiden I’ve ever had.”

[zorasdomain]

apology regarding 2018

This post is in regards to a callout from 2018, in case you have not read it.

This is going to be lengthy, as I have a lot to apologize for and reflect on after so long, so it will be under a cut. I thank you all for your patience and your time in reading it.

Hello, it’s been awhile; I post this not to beg forgiveness, but to apologize in a more proper way. Both for my sake, and for the sake of the hearts I undoubtedly wounded during the event.

I want to sincerely apologize for how I handled things in the past. In 2018, I was going through an early transition into new beliefs, and I lost myself to my interest in politics and my arrogant stance that “I knew better”. A lot of my beliefs have changed. I’ve gone through extremes since leaving Tumblr on every side, trying to feel my way through the spectrum. Ultimately, I have decided people are always more important than politics. Always. And as much as I spoke about caring in that big, obnoxiously long and drawn-out piece as a page on my blog, it essentially boiled down to “why can’t we agree to disagree?”, and about being unwilling to change my mind for the sake of others. For the sake of a community of friends I had built over years, who had supported me through everything, and who I KNEW wouldn’t agree with my beliefs (for understandable reasons). I hid them because I knew that, I think. It wasn’t clear to me at the time, as I truly thought it wasn’t important, but politics do reveal things about a person and what their values are. I will say I have never lied about the care I had for all of you. I understand it hard to see, given my past actions (which are unquestionably inexcusable), but I was blind to the internal contradiction that it was. I cared, but disconnected the people in my life from my politics because I “didn’t think it should matter”. It does, as I have come to learn. I apologize for the way I handled that, which was (understandably) as a liar and a manipulator. I hadn’t been intentionally doing it, but I acknowledge now that it was what had happened, and that certainly hurt many.

There have been hurtful things said about me, but I understand where they came from; Hell, the tweets I posted were targeting hundreds of people I had following me, and thousands in larger communities. Those tweets were heinous (and still are; my opinions are drastically different now) and I know they were not easy to stomach. I do not excuse them in any way, and I have since learned from them. I apologize to any victims who had been triggered by the tweets. They were harsh and insensitive, and certainly not true. I, in no way, excuse what was said then; your experience is valid, and any reaction you had to my tweets was as well. This also goes for the POC who I hurt with my tweets. It was disgusting of me to post such a thing and to harbor the opinion. I have since learned and come to understand the problems inherent in our system, and I apologize for the pain I caused.

I had been approached a few times about my beliefs; once prior to the callout, asking about my opinions on Kavanaugh, which I went off about on a snap to someone; if said person is reading this, I apologize for the shock of that moment and for my immature handling of it. A second time after, on instagram, regarding my political opinions. I went off in a wretched way. I debated from some place of “moral superiority” (that was certainly not true, though) and said things I know were hurtful to not only that person, but to so, so many connections from this website, and countless others. People who meant something to me. Not citations or studies, not some stupid subjective political opinion, but people.

Deeply, more than anything, I am sorry for the pain I caused this community. I feel like I tore something in everyone’s heart. Not to say I think so highly of myself as being that influential, but because I was someone who projected only positivity, and to have that image ripped apart when reading the disgusting tweets on my twitter no doubt caused harm. I suppressed that then because that’s what I tend to do, but I’ve been reflecting, maturing, and acknowledging what I did and I knew I had to properly apologize. Not type something up about ~uuu why can’t we agree to disagree~~ to post before abandoning the site, but something real. That is what I hope this can be for all of you. It does not change the hurt that it caused at the time, or the person I was then. However, I hope I may be able to demonstrate that I am not that same person with ill in my heart and ignorance of political opinions and their place in the lives of others, especially LGBT and POC.

Also, just to clear the air, I know there was confusion about if I was in the LGBT community or not, or if I was lying. I can clarify I was not, and never have, lied about that. What I identified as at a given life stage was truly a part of my person at the time and what was right for me then. In 2018 when the callout was written, I was growing more comfortable in being feminine, but I still connected heavily with masculine energies and pronouns. The same stands for today. Feel free to ask about this if you have specific questions.

All that said, my political alignment today and since November 2019, not really lies with either party. I have not been a Trump supporter for some time, and view him critically today, especially with much of his harmful rhetoric and actions. My father view(ed/s) him very positively, and part of my reasons for backing him so unquestionably in 2018 was due to his influence. I’ve fallen out of the political scene and I believe it’s especially important now, more than ever, to care for those in our lives and our community. We cannot look to the establishment or any in power. You’ve all kept that in mind from the beginning, and I applaud you for that. I lost myself to politics, and it took me nearly two years to find my way back to something that should be simple to understand.

Thank you all for helping me grow when I needed to. Thank you for the friends I had made, the community I had established, and for the memories. I will not immediately disappear after posting this; I won’t be reblogging anything of course, but I will be checking my inbox and any DMs (they should be open, but please let me know if they’re not!). Anon will be off, as I feel it would be better.

Thank you!

Also, please don’t call me by the name in the callout. That made me really uncomfortable to have my birthname there when I was merely testing it out at the time to see if I could return to it. It did not feel right & it was merely a period of re-experimentation before settling on my identity once more. Please call me Silver. Thank you.

EDIT: I am a nb boy (he/him) & have returned to being comfortable in this identity since 2019/20. I will be transitioning soon. I’d appreciate respect in that regard. Since Summer 2019, I have been seeing a therapist and working through deep rooted trauma which led to the discovery of an incredibly fractured sense of self, which partially manifested in my political views and the hypocrisy and contradiction present in the self that I was on Tumblr in 2018 (happy, accepting, “do-no-evil” vibes) VS the self I portrayed on the twitter rightraichu (judgemental, argumentative, self-absorbed). This is, by NO means, justification for how I acted. Recognizing that I have several conflicting selves within me has helped me to be more attentive to contradictions in who I am, and how manipulative I can be. I recognize and have been working through the false faces I wear when I, in truth, have rather low emotional (not cognitive) empathy. Again, not an excuse, but an explanation I hope might help you understand me. I am, by no means, a healthy or whole person. I have a lot of demons I’m working though. And that is my burden to bear. I am so sorry that I didn’t recognize things sooner and seek help so that I could prevent from ever reaching the point that I did in 2018. But, the past is in the past and all I can do now is recognize that I am figuring myself out. I wish you all the best. Things have been rough lately. I hope everyone has been coping alright. Take care.

[malwarewolf404]

[[disclaimer: I will be using the words biomale and biofemale in this post several times in an attempt to avoid confusion as to the point I’m trying to make. I do not intend to upset or alienate anyone who is intersex or does not otherwise conform to binary physical sex in any way. Thank you.]]

Let’s put together a little thought experiment. You take 100 sexually mature biomales and 100 sexually mature biofemales, both with no knowledge of society beyond this social group, and drop them on an uninhabited tropical island. They have all the resources, food and water, and even materials to make clothing and textiles not far behind from what we have in modern day, perhaps even unique ones to the culture they will eventually create.

Terfs and other denominations of trans-denialists would have you believe some very strict rules would be set up immediately. The biomales would hunt or gather, build, and perhaps begin to create the rituals or beliefs that might one day become a religion, and eventually a societal culture. The biofemales might be relegated to the role of caring for the society’s homes but perhaps not in the way one might expect (when trying to view this thought experiment through the lense of someone who has some particularly backwards ideas about womanhood being equated to the ownership of a uterus that is.) Perhaps terfs would have some more progressive ideas regarding the role of the biofemales, and sure, a matriachal society in which biofemales are responsible for the creation of societal culture isn’t at all outside the realm of possibility by any regards. In the spirit of trying to frame this argument as something a particularly progressive Terf might come up with, let’s say this is the case. Biofemales are the owners of family names and all social status, and biomales are relegated to the duties of cleaning, maintaining, and providing for the settlement.

Now before I actually make my argument, I will say I’m no terf at all. I am not a biofemale person who believes transwomen are rapists invading female-exclusive spaces like wlw. I can only imagine what a terf would come up with when presented with the thought experiment, and because I cannot be fucking bothered to interact with a terf on the issues of gender and biological sex (oh god could you fucking imagine.) That said, I believe I understand the perspective and beliefs of a person with that sort of mindset enough to construct this imaginary facsimile of the thought experiment from a terf’s perspective. Or, maybe I’m dead wrong, in which case I’m sure they’ll tell me. Just gonna quickly address them here:

Hello eager, anticipatory terfs! I’m sure you all have been waiting with bated breath for a post like the first bit of this one to come along so that you can reply in all sorts of flowery ad hominem language, saying things like “I hope you die in a fire you dickless pig-fucker!” Or, even better “Of course this pitiful excuse for a MALE would just LOVE to come up with his own approximation of what we, FEMALES, must be thinking!” I can assure you right now though, I’m not going to reply to any comments like that. I know that’s probably a real turn off for you, probably nixed any motivation to even keep reading this post, I understand. That said, this first part of the argument doesn’t matter, I only included it so that I might have some sort of control to weigh against my own imagination of the thought experiment. Additionally, I reached out to my three sisters about the ideas that a terf truscum person might have about the thought experiment. Here are their responses.

Buddy it’s 4 in the morning in California I can’t fucking read a three page paper this early.

What the fuck? Why would I want to put myself in the headspace of a trans-exclusionist? Why are you even asking me this? What is this for? What the fuck bro.

What’s a terf

Not as enlightening as I had hoped sadly. Anyways, I want to emplore you, please continue to read. I have a lot to say about this imaginary society and what I believe their ideas about gender conformity says about us. I think you might actually see some things in a different light than our incredibly polarized and entrenched societal beliefs would have you observe the issue. If that sounds like something that interests you, please read on.

So, this society. 100 biomales and 100 biofemales. And what do I believe it would look like? Well, I’ll tell you, but first I want to touch on a separate aspect than those I covered in my facsimile of a “terf” island society, and that’s sexuality. The reason I didn’t bring it up at all is because the fact is, many terfs are gay or bisexual women. They are real people with their own feelings and damage and ideas about what it means to be wlw. While I may have momentarily felt only slightly uncomfortable creating the idea of a “terf” island society and talking about its concepts of gender identity and social expectations placed on our imaginary island refugees completely in a vaccuum with no real input from actual women, being a wlw is not an issue I can even begin to comprehend, much less create my own ideas of what an idealized island society would look like to a wlw. It was a bridge too far, and I will not speak over real women with real opinions about what that is like. In fact, if you do identify as a woman (trans or not,) please feel free to share your own input on how you feel my facsimile “terf” scenario might be improved/ammended.

With all that said, let me say that I am now choosing to bring sexuality to the court because I am a gay man/nb person, and can speak to my own experiences and the experiences of others I know about sexuality. Additionally, from a terf’s perspective, the gender identity issue is one irreversibly entwined with sexuality.

So, a society with 100 biomales and 100 biofemales. What would it look like to me? Well, firstly, I don’t think the society would be so divided by gender as the imaginary terfs (or for that matter, most traditional people cough cough) would have you believe. Anyone who’s been to a public highschool knows that BOTH males and females are athletic. Both sexes are creative. Both sexes are capable of being responsible and loving parents. The problem we encouter with trying to frame everything into “men do this women do that” categories is that that is what our traditions and society have programmed us into believing is the norm. This society has none of that programming. Because of this, I do not believe this society would devolve into such a simplistic and arbitrary culture as “you have a penis so you go hunt and gather.” Instead, why not imagine a society where people’s individual talents and skills take precedence over their sex in regards to what role they are able to fulfill in this society? Perhaps you are a biomale, yet you have a very nurturing and caring instinct. Why not serve as a midwife and care for the village’s infants? Perhaps you are a biofemale, but are very athletic. Perhaps then, you would best serve the society as a hunter, no? I think you get what I’m getting at, and I don’t think anyone, even terfs, would disagree with me that gendered societal roles are a pretty dated concept that does not line up with what we understand of real people living in situations like this. They are a biproduct of western civilization’s traditions, and are not at all the norm in dozens of non-western societies.

So, if we can agree that there most likely wouldn’t be overarching end all be all gender roles in society, where is the issue exactly? Well, it’s this: some members of our society do not fall into the traditional gender roles associated with their biological sex. So, what about in this society, where there are no meticulously well-rooted gender roles? It stands to reason that without these gender roles, people would be able to do what they wanted, dress how they wanted, love who they wanted, free of prejudice or judgement. Obviously I am GREATLY oversimplifying a very complex issue, but live with me in the bit for a moment. What would you be in a world free from discrimination on the basis of biological sex, gender, or sexuality. There would be no traditions saying “you can’t do this because you’re this.” Who would you become? Who would you have the boldness and the freedom to be? Now, a pre-agricultural society that hasn’t even developed traditions or laws is hardly the most desirable place to imagine oneself living, but just think for a moment. No glass ceiling. No homophobic. No oppression on the basis of sex.

Now, I already have a good idea of what people are going to say about this post. “Tearing down the borders of gender and sexuality would only render our understanding of LGBTQIA ideas completely useless.” “There ARE certain things males are more inclined to do than women, biologically speaking. R*pe seems to come to mind.” “By refusing to give your imagined society any gender roles you have essentially made a moot point about what it means to be trans in our society.” Perhaps more broadly, “this thought experiment is dumb and you should feel bad.”

But here’s the thing. I’m not making this post in hopes of “dunkin’ on terfs” or even really challenging anyone’s opinions on anything. I have absolutely no hope that this dumb, worthless, ~3,000 word thought experiment will do any of that, let alone get any amount of notes. I only wanted to talk about this to put my own mind at ease in imagining a world I, a casual non-binary person, could exist without having to justify or prove myself as non-binary. I could, in my imaginary society, simply be myself. I could look up at stars. I could talk to gods of the wind on stillwater, of the sunlight through the palm fronds, and of the moonlight’s pale glow on the sand. I could do all of these things without constantly being percieved as a man because of the way I presented or behaved. And, I could find a masculine partner to be with, free of judgement.

“But Malwarewolf!” You cry, pleadingly. “What about all the people born as one sex that wish to transition into another sex? They would have no way of doing that in this imaginary society!! As a trans person, I do not experience the same satisfaction you do in this concept!”

This is, perhaps, the biggest hole in my argument. However, just because a person is born as one sex and wishes to transition in a relatively (oh, how do I say this without offending a lot of people,) quaint society doesn’t mean they’re just damned to live in a state of dysphoria or unhappiness with their body. I would argue, they might be able to live happier lives than trans people in our society do, existing as a fully welcomed and accepted member of society, with no oppression or suppression of their very valid desires to exist as they opposite sex. I would further argue that in a society without the proper foreknowledge and tools to perform gender-reassignment surgery, individuals who might identify as “trans” in our society would instead be free to express themselves however they wanted to instead of having to adopt a particular appearance or sex-identifying features to adhere to their non-existent gender roles. This is, very possibly, how the polynesian “third genders” came to be, such as Māhū in Hawaii and Tahiti, Fakaleiti in Tongan peoples, and Fa’afafine in Samoa. Now, these third genders are very important to many polynesian cultures and have very specific spiritual and societal roles in the island’s cultures respectively, the extent of which I am no way qualified to speak about (but would absolutely LOVE if some native Hawaiians could weigh in on!) It should be noted however, that a Māhū person can be born either male or female.

I say all of this to say, gender is a highly complex and winding topic. I could go on waxing poetic about my day-dream life in this idyllic society, but if you’ve made it this far in the post, you’ve probably had enough of that. Thank you so much for reading this far into a fucking hypothetical concept of all things. I will close by saying unironically, I’m gay as fuck, trans rights are human rights, and lastly trans-exclusionists if I see you bullying people in the comments I will suplex you through a plywood board.

I love you all and have a wonderful day.

[sky-scribbles]

Have ~1500 words of post-Heartbreak Chargestep sadness. m!Ortega x nb!Sidestep. Retribution spoilers.

[Text messages sent from the phone of Ricardo Ortega to a phone in the possession of infiltration unit CCT-525. To be provided to those responsible for CCT-525’s reconditioning.]

[Sent the evening after Sidestep’s funeral]

 Hey

This is probably a really bad idea. And not just because I’m still awful at texting, shut up. 

They say you should never text your ex, but there’s no advice for texting someone who’s dead. Someone who meant the world to you.  Reaching for someone I’ve already lost, someone I’ve just buried... that’s hardly anyone’s idea of moving on and letting go.

But you’re dead. You can’t say anything back that could hurt me. And even if you could, you couldn’t say anything that hurts me more than you being gone.

So, yeah. To hell with it.

To hell with moving on and to hell with letting go. To to hell with looking after myself. I don’t want to feel better and I don’t want to let you go because this? This grief?

It’s all I have left of you.

It’s with me all the time. I can’t forget it for more than a few minutes before I get this little nudge against my mind, like, haven’t I forgotten something? And then I remember that you’re gone and it hits me again. You hit me again.

You won’t stop

I keep seeing you fall and I keep feeling it happen all over again

I feel you die a hundred times every day and every time I’m left alive.

I should want it to stop. But I don’t. Because then I have to keep living and then I’ll change. I changed when Hood died and now I’ll change again. I won’t be the person you knew anymore, and I want to be your version of me forever, because then part of me will still be you. You’ll still be here.

And you’ll recognise me if you come back.

Because that’s why I’m really doing this, isn’t it? I keep thinking you’re going to send something back, any second now. I never saw a body, and you always had a backup plan, a way out.

Please send something back

I miss you so much and you deserved more than this

Please

Please

[Sent a week after the previous]

Hey, Wren.

I keep thinking about what you’d say if you could respond to these. Probably ‘fuck off, Ortega. You got me killed.’

Maybe that’s why I’m doing this. Writing that, I got this little voice in my head, saying you wouldn’t feel that way about me. That you wouldn’t blame me. Am I texting a dead person because I want to give myself absolution?  Am I really that selfish?

But that’s just it. It’s not about me and who I am. It’s about you and Themmy, and about who you were, because you deserved better. You deserved someone who wouldn’t make those bad calls.

You deserved to live.

You were so young and you were so good. So real. You had this awkward little smile that I couldn’t see without feeling like the whole world had got a little bit kinder. I can still remember the way you laughed, and… no one’s ever going to laugh like that again.

All of that’s gone. All of you is gone, and I’m sitting here texting you to make myself feel better, or to punish myself, when everything that was beautiful about you doesn’t exist in the world anymore? I’m not even crying for you, I’m crying for myself.

So, because you can’t say it, I will. Fuck off, Ortega. You got them killed.

[Sent two weeks after the previous]

I don’t want to keep going back to that tower

Not in my head. Not in my dreams. No more.

Make it stop

MAKE IT STOP

[Sent three hours after the previous]

Hey wrenbird

So first of all I’m drunk right now an t his is going to be a mess

I know I said is houldn’t send any more of these to you but I was thinking about you tonight. I mean I think about you all the time. But tonight it was too much and I went out and hit the bear and now I’m home and thr getting drunk thing didn’t work because in thinking of you more

The Bar. I hit the bar. Fuck autocorre t

Anyway I kept thinking about how once iwould have got less drunk k and probably flirted wih someone there or so.ething. But I can’t do that anymore and I don’t even want to because he only person I actually want isyou

I just want to have you here an I want to hold you

I want to be able to kiss you one more time and see your face. You know I can renember where all your moles and little scars were? and I remember how warm you were hose times we did missions tgether overnight and selpt in shifts? You were so warm

I want you back. So much

Because I love you

I love you

I love you and I never said it and I don’t think you knw and now is when I sa it? Drun k texting you when your fucking dead and I’m finally fuck ig brave enough to say it?

I’m sorry I letyou die. I’m sorry I pretty much killed you.

I’m so sorry

[Sent a week after the previous]

Hey, Wren.

So, yeah, that was a mess all right. If there’s an afterlife, I hope you got a good laugh at my drunken inability to handle a keypad. Not that I can ever handle one even when I haven’t been drinking.

Seriously. You don’t want to know how long it takes me to write these.

Anyway, thought I’d let you now that I cleared out your apartment out today. Took a while to get the paperwork through, since I couldn’t find any next of kin. It’s the Free Zone, though. Not many questions got asked.

I’d seen your place before, but taking a real look around… it was like you were ready to pack up and leave at a moment’s notice. Maybe you were. It was so bare, like a shelter, not a home. I wish I’d done more to make you feel like it was safe to put down roots. Like you belonged.

Part of me wanted to hold onto everything there, but that felt creepy, so in the end I just kept some of your books.

I'm probably going to stay up all night reading them. Maybe I can feel a little closer to you by holding things you held. Reading words you loved. I don't know if you'd want me to hold onto them, but you’ve written little notes in the margins, and left coffee stains on the pages and creases on the spines. I guess it feels like these these pages are the only place where you let your roots dig deep, and I can still find you there.

I’ve been selfish far too often when it comes to you. But I really, really want to hold onto these. So I hope you can forgive me for being selfish, just one more time.

[Sent one year after the previous]

Hey, little bird.

Here’s a cheerful sentence: I’m sitting next to your grave right now. I took some flowers, because tradition, and some birdseed and coffee, because I knew that’s what you’d really appreciate. I’m watching the sparrows going nuts over the food while I write this.

I hope you’re getting some rest. I miss you. I love you.

And no, I’m not okay, not really. I mean, I grew a mustache and you’re not even here to make fun of it.

I’ve stopped hoping for a response when I send these. I guess that part of me that was holding on… it finally got the message. You’re not coming back. And that's such a lonely thing to know. Maybe that’s why I was sending these, all along, so I could keep you with me. I could pretend that I didn't have to face that loneliness.

But, hey. I’m sitting here watching the pigeons and sparrows have a great time, and I guess that’s happening because of you. I did that because of you, because it would have made you happy. I keep doing things because I think they’re what you would have done, I see things you would have liked and I smile. Every thought and want and hope I have comes back to you in the end, and it hurts, but it fills a space in the world that shouldn’t be left empty.

All those beautiful things about you? I guess I can make sure the world still has a trace of them. Because you’re with me. You’re in me.

I guess you could get into my mind after all, huh?

Sleep well, wrenbird.

<3

[homodnp]

STREAM TO DONATE:  how to help when videos are taken down

yesterday, 13/6/2020, i made a post after realising that youtube is taking down stream-to-donate videos, such as zoe amira’s, for “violating terms of service”. when another video was linked and the post started gaining traction, i thought it’d be best to make another, more detailed post in case other people are experiencing the same problem.

1. FREE RESOURCES ON BLM.CARRD

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

new ways of helping are arriving every day, even if you are financially compromised, and this is where you will find them. some examples of free ways to help listed on the site:

the U-DON app. play mobile games, and the app’s revenue from ads goes straight to charities chosen by the creators. currently, 100% of this is going to BLM.  

sign petitions. hundreds out there are behind on signatures and it takes a maximum of 10 seconds to help, quicker than having a glass of water (do that too). 

learn black history and learn racism. remember that we will not end racism with money. whether you can donate or not, especially if you are white, the best thing to do for the movement is to begin to understand and communicate.

2. USE PLAYLISTS

you may have seen this post going around. the rules still stand as ever (apart from the boycotting of playlists), but unfortunately all the videos featured have been taken down. 

instead, refer to this post by the same user with an updated playlist of 69 public videos. another alternative is this one with 49 public videos.

3. SEARCH MANUALLY

if you run out of playlists, there are many more stream-to-donates out there which i haven’t seen compiled in playlists. any combination of ‘blm / stream to donate / black lives matter / watch to donate / donate free’ in the YT search bar will yield results. a few i’ve found include:

Watching this will help DONATE to Black Lives Matter + my Honest Thoughts/how to make a REAL Change 

BLACK LIVES MATTER || FITNESS MARATHON 

24/7 Hip Hop Music - Donate with No Money by Listening #BlackLivesMatter

DONATE to BLACK LIVES MATTER with NO MONEY/ leaving your house (invest in the future for FREE)

A Moment of Calm on the Water in Edinburgh: Study and Work Ambience

4. REMEMBER THE RULES FOR WATCHING

essentials:

when starting a new video, do not go to another tab until you see an add. it’s a reminder to turn off your adblock. 

let ALL ads run their course, do not cancel or skip any.

playlists do work, it’s turned out. but DO NOT refresh or loop the playlist when you reach the end. exit the page and click back in.

the YT player volume must be 50%<, and the vid quality 480p<. (< = or higher)

do not loop videos. watch at least 2-4 different ones before returning to the original.

extras for making the algae rhythm work even better:

like and share the vids to your other social media.

COMMENT. one tactic is to leave fun facts, no matter how boring or widely-known - it dispels awkwardness/not knowing what to comment, and interests other people. win-win!

when talking about analytics/tactics on any site including YT, do not type words like ‘al / go / rit / hm’ or ‘sp / am’ or ‘vi / ews’ in normal, full form - this may get posts or videos fl@gg3d. instead, give them homonyms (e.g. algae rhythm) or replace certain letters (e.g. fl@gg3d).

5. MOST IMPORTANTLY...

give as much love and platforming as possible to stream-to-donates by black youtubers. 

the majority of vids i’ve seen in the mainstream playlists are from large channels by white creators. obviously it’s fantastic to have them fundraising for the cause, as many as possible are needed. but use this opportunity to help black channels grow - see on any recommended or trending page how many of the biggest sub counts currently belong to white creators.

NB. i am white. this ref list is meant with the absolute intention of being an ally to the cause and i mean no offence or harm. however, i appreciate that intent and result are two different things. under my white privilege and [garfield voice] lack of immunity to propaganda or internalised racism, please tell me if anything i say/do here is out of place or harmful so that i may correct myself.

[fandomfan315]

Ok random message but,,

If i have ever shamed ppl who wore like short short skirts/shorts, crop tops, the short sweatshirts, etc.....

I apologize.

Bc i just noticed that! When i feel good abt myself, i like to wear shirts that are a lil short bc then when i reach up and it shows some stomach, my brain reminds me that, "hey! You are confident enough to wear this! Here's some serotonin!!!" And i get a lil bit of Happy, lol.

So. Yeah. Wear whatever u want!! If ur comfortable in revealing things, go for it :DDD (As long as it isnt like. Inappropriate stuff. like wearing straight up fancy underwear and maybe a bra (for those who have a chest) to go grocery shopping or smth) Im sorry ppl hate on you for wearing "sexy" clothing/assuming its for attention when you're only doing it really for yourself, ya know?

(This is for everyone btw– guys, gals, nb pals, agender ppl and those who use neopronouns, and everyone inbetween)

Also, to clarify, im not saying this as a go ahead for clothing companies to keep making sexy clothing for afab and only that. Honestly, I'd love to just have normal t shirts and not-overly-tight jeans, skirts that are insanely short, extremely short shorts, etc. Im just saying: if you DO wear those tight clothing pieces, you dont deserve to be wolf whistled at/judged/catcalled. You dont deserve to go out in an outfit you chose bc it made YOU feel good that day, only to be told something like "daaamn bitch, everyone's gonna want a piece of that." without your consent (i dont know what catcalls are like, thats the best thing i can come up with rn srry). Comments like that, if you didnt ask for them/consent to them, arent okay whatsoever and its terrible that yall might need to worry about that when you wanna go out.

Tl;dr: STOP shaming people for wearing fuckin. Clothing. Just stop. Stop stop stop. Its mean and bad and just.... stop it, please. Its not your body. Its not your life. Just keep walking. To quote Thumper from Bambi, "if you don't have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all." (And no, catcalls are not being "nice" or a "compliment". Just say, "oh, i love your outfit!" or something, i guess. Idk. Better to just stay quiet.)

(Im not looking for ppl who agree or disagree, i just. Wanted to get this off my chest. But if anyone has any comments on it, maybe just dm me?? Idk i dont rlly care. Also if i am wrong about something in this dm me and let me know! I dont want to spread anything Bad lol)

[reesewestonarchive]

about

(can ignore, just making a mobile-friendly post I can link to)

hi there, I’m reese, a 27 year old bisexual disaster.

reese

I work for a tech company where I am, while wearing approximately twelve other hats, a project manager for a technology company (this isn’t a typo; I work at a company where I am a project manager for another company). this is not the day job that I ever wanted, but it’s fine more or less. I try not to bitch about it too much because it is the entire reason that I can like, afford anything lol. it also allows me to work from home more often than not, so my hours are a little weird when I’m online.

also, it’s why I am frequently online at three in the morning on a weekday. it is what it is, for now. in the meantime, please know that if I am short or curt with you it is more likely than not to be because of my Being An Asshole hat that I wear for work. sometimes it’s hard to take off.

oftentimes the depression and the insomnia beat the shit out of me. I try not to make this like a #thing, because it’s a heavy little fucker, but my activity goes in bursts as a result. sometimes I will be here every day for two weeks, sometimes you will see one text post for an entire two-week period.

I’m nonbinary. I’m out in real life in a non-professional sense, but I let my coworkers draw whatever conclusions they desire to because in general I consider other people being unable to place my gender into the binary something that isn’t my problem. as a result of this you might hear me sometimes talk about how they refer to me as my legal name, but I have no real desire to make that name public. in general I consider myself seesawing between male and female on any given day. my pronouns are they/them. also, I don’t consider myself transgender, so please don’t refer to me as such

I don’t write a lot about being nonbinary, but trans and nb folk do feature in my work. I also use my work to forget about the bullshit of real life, so this sometimes means that I might gloss over problems. this doesn’t mean that I don’t consider them important or a real thing in real life, I’m just disillusioned and tired

here’s a link to a playlist of my favorite songs

if you have any questions, feel free to give me a shout. sometimes I come across as short or irritated, and I have been told I’m intimidating both online and in real life, but unless I have you blocked (which I don’t currently have people in writeblr blocked), then I am absolutely down to chat, any time! the other shit is just... me I guess

writing and writeblr

my favorite writeblrs, active or not, are and will remain @/forlornraven, @/infinitelyblankpage, @/reininginthefirewriting, @/writingmyassoff, @/indecentpause, @/klywrites, @/stetcomma, and @/riftversus . there are others, and I’ll update here as I remember them

I have been on this website since 2011, but in writeblr since… march of 2018. shadowed is my oldest project, but from the roof of my mouth is my oldest project on tumblr, and quite possibly my favorite one to date. I jump between projects fairly regularly, but unless stated otherwise I have intentions of finishing everything I write.

in general, everything I write will include at least some heavy aspect: addiction, abuse, homophobia, gender dysphoria, drug abuse, alcoholism–I work in some pretty dark aspects of humanity. before this becomes a thing, what I write does not indicate what I believe.

you can tag me in tag games, and I try to reblog everything that I read or that I am tagged in. recently I decided that I don’t necessarily have to comment on something to reblog it/to indicate that I enjoyed it, so I have been queueing things that I see. in the attempt to help writers reach a wider audience, I’m just reblogging any work I see.

here is a link to my projects page

aside from writeblrs, I can’t tell you my exact favorite books, but I really enjoyed ‘If I Was Your Girl’ and ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’ and 'The Song of Achilles’. I like queer lit, YA or not, so if you have any recommendations, please send 'em my way

[transqueerquestions]

Hello, I would just like to clear something up. I am a bisexual cis girl and I find myself very attracted to trans people but I don’t want to seem like a creep or fetishize them. I’m not exclusively attracted to trans people, but I was wondering how I can identify the line between preference and fetishization. I really don’t want anyone to think i’m objectifying their identity, so if you have any advice I’d really appreciate it!

Anon: I’m a closeted gay/pan cis man. I one hundred percent understand not wanting to be anyones ‘fetish’. But I can’t help but find my self especially attracted to NB folks and trans men. Not because of anything to do what’s in their pants because that’s none of my business, but I think because I’m attracted to confidence and to people who aren’t afraid to be who they are. I’m not to sure what to think because I’m afraid that my mindset might be toxic and harmful. If you want I can elaborate?🏳️‍🌈✌️

Tobi: Hi glefulslug and nonnie! What I’m hearing from you both is a struggle to find the line between attraction and fetishization. Glefulslug, you seem to be struggling with an attraction to transfolk in general and nonnie you seem to be attracted to confidence and to people that have a solid understanding of who they are and are able to and freely express that. Both of you have clearly expressed wanting to make sure you’re not being harmful with your ways of thinking.

I think for both of you, it’s important to distinguish what specifically it is that you’re attracted to in the groups of people mentioned. Specifically, the attributes and characteristics of a person that they can choose and showcase. I think, nonnie, you’re starting to make the distinction with clarifying that it’s not to do with “what’s in their pants”, but it seems as if you and glefulslug are overgeneralizing the non-binary and transfolk communities.

My suggestion for both of you is to really dig deep and ask yourself some questions such as:

1) What is this attraction based on? Why?

2) What exactly am I attracted to in this group of people? Why am I identifying this group of people as the basis of my attraction rather than the traits that I enjoy?

3) Does everyone in this group I’m identifying as a group I’m attracted to adhere to those characteristics?

4) How can I re-frame my generalizations into something more accurate and appreciative of individuals within a group?

5) What is the line between preference and fetishization?

In terms of that last question, for example, my definition for where the line sits is the place where the person is no longer a whole. To explain a little farther, I feel that fetishization occurs when someone views an entire unique person or being as one single aspect of themselves. For example, if you have a fetish for gloves, the fetish is focused on the fact of if there is or isn’t gloves on a person, rather than focusing on the person wearing or not wearing the gloves. Just as if you focus on the fact that a person might be trans as the reason to be attracted to them rather than the whole person beyond that one aspect. A preference however, is almost like a perk if someone checks off that box but it isn’t a need or requirement. For example, I have a preference for someone who matches my music taste, has long hair, or is discussion oriented. If someone fits those descriptions, usually that ups the chances that I’ll be attracted to them in some respect, but if I am attracted to someone and they don’t fit any of those boxes, it doesn’t diminish the amount of attraction I have for them as a person.

On the point of over-generalizing, this isn’t to say that generalizing specifically is inherently bad, as its an important tool in language and understandings between people to ease communication. However, it’s important to recognize that generalizations, or stereotypes, are just that. They tend to describe a majority of a group, but not everyone in it, nor is the group defined by that characteristic or trait that is generalized to the group. A good example for this is if someone said they were especially attracted to gay men because of the femininity they tend to express. That would most likely be an attraction to expressed femininity, not necessarily gay men, because not all gay men are feminine or express a lot of femininity. It’s also an incredibly broad generalization in that expressions of femininity are incredibly diverse. So the attraction is based in the femininity rather than the “gay men”. If that makes sense?

Basically, my advice to you both is to really dig deep and figure out what the traits or characteristics of a person you are attracted to, specifically the expressions that are personality based or chosen, leading to attraction of a person, not a person’s gender identity. Mostly, it’s just taking a second to be aware of your own thought processes and reasonings behind the conclusions you draw or reach and why exactly it is that you feel that way. If it’s something you really are struggling with, maybe consider speaking to someone about it, as embarrassing as it may be. Asking about it to be sure you’re viewing people in a healthy way is a perfect first step, and exploring those questions is a great next one!

I hope this helps, and I’m more than happy to be a resource for either of you if you’d like to talk about those questions with someone else. If you need any clarification or have any more questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!

If you liked my answer, consider giving me a tip! It’ll go a long way in helping me towards my goals to reach more people and their questions!

[ser-rex]

Mobile Dating Sim Meme

((Purloined from @norhimorovine and @endangered-liaison !))

ROUTE START: “Did you come to watch a particular jouster, today, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege]? Or just to enjoy the spectacle?” Rex beams, sliding the halter off of their destrier’s head. “If you’ve any questions at all, I’d be most pleased to answer them for you.”

ROUTE SWITCH:  “It’s been an honour to meet you! Do take care- the road is quite icy at the moment.”

MENU INTERFACE, POKE A: “-... erm- oh, beg pardon, do you need me to move?”

MENU INTERFACE, POKE B:  “...?” Rex tilts their head, puzzled, their fluffy brows furrowing.

MENU INTERFACE, POKE (REPEATEDLY):  Rex slowly puts their ears back, and tries to suppress a growl, patiently waiting for an explanation.

MENU INTERFACE, POKE MAX ♥:  Rex chirrups as they notice the nudge, and then lets out a quiet chuffing noise in greeting.

COMPLETED SCENE, +♥:  Engrossed in conversation as they are, Rex almost misses the first distant tolls of the Cathedral bells chiming the hour. “Oh- gracious, is that the time already? I must apologise, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege], but I quite forgot myself while we spoke- I must return promptly to House Shadowstar and carry on with my duties for the day... but- if gods be willing, perhaps we might speak again, in more comfortable conditions, in the near future? In any case- I do keenly look forward to our next meeting, I must confess... a-ah, that is to say- until next we meet, Halone bless and keep you!” 

COMPLETED SCENE, -♥:  “... In, erm, in any case- my chocobo and I are glad to be of service to House Shadowstar, and Ishgard herself. We might be quite the odd pair, but I hope that our efforts together are at least, erm... Ah- do excuse me, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege], I must away to the House; I mustn’t delay my duties much longer. Good day.” It’s clear that something you said has struck quite the nerve as Rex turns away- their fur is stood on end as they hurry out of the stable block, tail lashing behind them.

GIFT (NEUTRAL): Rex’s ears prick up as they realise they’re being offered a gift.  “...Oh! This is for me? That is very kind of you- thank you, most kindly!” 

GIFT (DISLIKED): As Rex looks at the offered item, their eyebrows twitch for a moment in the start of a grimace, before they smooth their expression into one of measured politeness. “Oh- ah, gracious, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege], you needn’t have done that- but, thank you, most kindly, all the same. What a- what a lovely thought.”

GIFT (LIKED): Rex’s ears snap forward and their eyes light up in recognition. “What- for me? Truly? You are much too kind, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege]! You have my most humble thanks. And, might I ask- how ever did you know I was after something like this? It wasn’t... my sister’s doing, by any chance, was it...?” They swallow thickly and muster a nervous smile.

GIFT: (THEIR BIRTHDAY):   “Is this-...” Rex’s ears droop a little, their jaw slack. They look at you with wide, rounded eyes. “You remembered?... That’s... - so very kind of you. You have my deepest thanks, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege]. This means a lot to me.”

BIRTHDAY: Rex remains as unsubtle as ever as they shuffle the parcel just behind their back. “I must beg your forgiveness, [My Lady/My Lord/My Liege], if this might be, erm- improper, at all, but I confess I took the liberty of committing the date of your nameday to memory, and... I cannot boast that it is an impressive gift, but I hope it will be of some use to you, all the same.” They produce the humble hand wrapped and bound parcel at last, and offer it for you to take. From your heartfelt conversations with one another these last months, you can probably already guess what they’ve brought you long before it settles into your outstretched hands. “Happy Nameday, [Player Name].” BONUS:

ROUTE END M: Rex’s ears sink low, but their expression is not one of surprise or disgust, but rather a wince of regret. “Ah... I see. My Lord, with all due respect, I really must respectfully decline. As, erm- ... as flattering as your invitation is, I’m afraid I do not- nay, I cannot reciprocate. Even if I was amenable to such an idea, it is simply not in my nature, as I’m sure one of my partners could attest to you. I - I hope you can understand that I mean no offence, and I certainly wish to remain amicable, of course. I am truly sorry, if I have caused you any pain.” ROUTE DECISION POINT F/NB/Agender/Other:  Rex reaches out to take your hand, and chews on their lip with a sharp fang.  “My L-... [Player Name] ... before you say anything else, I must ask you listen carefully to what I must say. I may be only some short years an Ishgardian citizen, but, I’m more than aware of the codes of Chivalry, and of, erm... well, of courtly, erm- ... listen. You should know some things. Or, rather, know of some people, who are very dear to me. There are people that I - ... that I love, [Player Name]. As keenly and as fervently as if they were my betrothed. They all know each other, and respect one another, and- two even see each other, more often than not, conveniently enough! And while I may never be able to call any of them my one and only wife for a number of different reasons, they are all very special to me, and I could not deny or give up my bond with any one of them. And it would hurt me more than anything to even begin to pretend as if I did not love, want, and need them all in my life. In truth- I would rather spend the rest of my days, unwed and childless, than cast away their love for me, and my love for them, for any reason.” Rex swallows audibly, and looks at you with genuine uncertainty- and pained resignation. “I understand if that is an untenable situation to you. I realise that Ishgard is a generally monogamous society, and my upbringing must seem very foreign indeed. Mayhaps even distressing, to your eyes. And I am so, so sorry, my friend, if I have hurt you in any way, or- or gotten your hopes up, or mislead you- that is the last thing I would ever want. But I must be truthful, by my oaths and my own honour, and it is only right that you go fully informed into- into whatever this may lead to. I just, I hope-” Rex trails off, and gently withdraws their hand to give you some space, to collect your thoughts.  What will you say? [REFUSE] “This is unacceptable- I cannot support this.” [REFUSE] “I’m sorry, I can’t accept that- but I support your happiness.”  [CONSIDER] “I need some time to think about it.”  [ACCEPT] “I’ve only read about this- but if you guide me, I want to try.” [ACCEPT] “I completely understand; tell me about your partners?” [PATH UNLOCKED! Trait: Polyamourous] “I thought I was the only one in Coerthas!”

[emo-loki-laufeyson]

~To Play with Fire~

Patrick Hockstetter X Female Reader

To play with fire, I broke my mind. I shattered my heart, gave up the fight. To play with fire, I hurt myself. I’m gonna die here. Please, come back, dear...

Scratching down in his old notebook, Patrick didn’t pay much attention to the class, when the teacher suddenly cleared her throat : “Mr Hockstetter, shall you share your... (she searched for words) artwork with your classmates ? Fuck!, the raven-haired boy thought, before sighing and giving to the audience an evil look. The teacher took the page and proceed to read it, immediately stopping and opening her eyes in shock. She then glanced at the teenager, who was occupated to chat with Henry. The quasi-entire room was quiet. After another throat-cleaning, she finally decided to continue the lesson.

At the end of the hour, Henry left hastily : “Sorry guys, my asshole of a father wants me to do some annoying tasks in the farm.” And he was gone. Belch wasn’t at school because he was sick, so Victor has to go back home walking. He soon stood up too, patting cautionly Patrick’s shoulder. “Need to go, dude.

- Do ya want me to take your backpack, Sweetie~?, Patrick teased the blond guy.

- Yuk!, he just responded with disgust. See ya tomorrow, Psycho !” And he left the classroom too. Patrick couln’t help but laugh like a kid, before he took his bag and...

“Patrick ?, the teacher’s voice echoed from behind. Can you please, come here ?” Without even reply, the teenager looked up at her with a questioning look, and obeyed. She put her pink glasses off -that gave her a rassuring look- and showed him a paper. His paper. Patrick bit his lip softly, waiting.

“Those times, I feel like something’s wrong, am I right ?”

No anwser. She then continued : “You can tell me, Patrick. I’m worrying for you” Again, nothing. His face was blank, expressionless as always. The teacher let out a small sigh, standing up. Then, she gave back the page to the boy, simply saying : “This is actually a beautiful poetry. You should pay more attention in class, I’m sure you have a great imagination.”

For the first time, she saw Patrick’s eyes sparkle with what seemed like joy or relief. She smiled. Ten seconds passed by. Then, he whispered : “It’s no poetry. It’s a song.” And he left the room.

To play with fire, I burnt my skin. But I feel no pain, so tired of crying. How much did I cry ? How long did I try ? But I’m lost in the dark, now... And my tears are dry...

Y/N’s sweet perfume floatted all over the horizon, in the summer air. Shooting some rocks, patrick was walking down the streets when he saw Her. She was laughing with some other girls. Mesmerized by her beauty, Patrick stopped and gazed at the girl with a predator’s look for it’s prey. A car almost stroke him (yes, he was stopped here in the middle of the road! ). Concious, of the situation, he quickly ran away. Now safe, he looked in the direction of Y/N. She wasn’t here anymore. Worried, scared, he turned his head in all possible directions, praying to find the girl. Since she was out of sight, he eventually walk back home, all alone.

I think I feel something, I’m so scared. I see you run away. Why can’t I reach you ? Cold wind escaped from my mouth. Bloo’s dropping from my eyes. The only light I see, is you. Tho, I can’t reach you...

( NB: XD This gif was so funny sorry it doesn’t have anything to do with this lmao)

Belch’s car stopped in front of the door, some hip-hop song playing loudly at the radio. But despite all this noise, Patrick wasn’t awake. “What the fuck is he doing ?”, Henry growled, and Victor shrugged. 

“ HEY !, the mulet-wearing boy shout impatiently.

- It’s okay, Henry. We don’t have to go anyway !”, Belch said. Time passed, and Patrick was still sleeping.

“ Patrick !!! Wake up, Psycho ! Moove your fuckin’ ass here!

- Shut up, Bowers !”, someone replied, and all of the gang -except for Henry- laughed.

“Looks like he doesn’t wanna obey to you, Daddy~”, Vic smirked, and doged Henry’s fist. Angry, the sociopath barked at Belch to start the auto, giving a massive middlefinger to patrick, who looked by the window.

For some reason, the raven-haired boy didn’t want to go to the college today. he didn’t want to see the teacher, her and her stupid questions ! He didn’t want to see Y/N neither, because she started to become real. And if she was real, that would significate that all Patrick thought since all these years, all of this was just a lie ??! Maybe EVERYTHING was real, or NOTHING at all, or... ??! For the first time, Patrick felt tears dropping down his cheeks. For the first time, he felt nauseous because of overthinking. He didn’t want to return to school, today, and any other day. All he wanted : stay in bed and cry.

For the first time, Patrick Hockstetter was in love.

[chasingadventuress]

My Solo trip to Zanzibar, Tanzania

Jambo (a Swahili greeting when translated to English means) Hello!

It’s been well over a couple of days since I arrived home from my trip in Zanzibar. I’ve finally managed to pen down my experience and I hope it gets to help many of you, who have been asking me about it, carefully plan yours as well.

I embarked on my journey to Zanzibar on Christmas day, many would ask why but having lived in Malaysia, a Muslim country for the past four years, Christmas had become just another day that I had gotten accustomed to not celebrating. However Christmas greetings and hugs with my family were shared before I had to board my plane at 06h45. 

Thank you South African Airways and Precision Air my connecting flights to and from Windhoek to Dar es Salaam, Dar es Salaam to Zanzibar and vice versa which were nothing short of amazing.  Although I had concerns about Precision Air with regards to flight delays and loss of luggage due to a few bad reviews that I had read on TripAdvisor prior to my trip.

So if you ever are flying from Dar es Salaam, or from any other domestic places within Tanzania such as Arusha perhaps you can try and source for another airline such as ZanAir or Coastal Aviation but I would still advise you read up various reviews on those airlines as well just to be sure.

 Why Zanzibar you may ask?

Well, from pictures, videos and a great conversation between a Tanzanian friend and I whom I had met during university I just knew that it was one of those places on my bucket list that I wanted to tick off.

To be honest when I kick started of planning my trip over a year ago, I had initially planned to go to London but then I remembered how horrible the weather was in December the last time I was there, so I opted to go somewhere warmer because you don’t get to explore much when it’s cold.

Mauritius was another island I had considered but taking into consideration all the admin work that needed to be done and recalling the not so great one night stay experience I had in the country two years ago, I decided that I was not going to put myself through that kind of stress again.

So Zanzibar it was, plus being a Namibian citizen meant that I did not need a visa to enter Tanzania as Namibian’s are exempted for about 90days.Tanzania and Zanzibar make use of the same visa so you don’t have to worry about being stopped by immigration at both Julius Nyerere International Airport and Abeid Amani Karume International Airport.

For any of you who do not hold a passport that offers visa exemption to Tanzania do make sure with your individual country visa requirements as to what procedures you should follow to obtain one. 

 So what and where is Zanzibar?

Zanzibar is a city located east of Africa and is found about 70 kilometres from the mainland of Tanzania. It is split into parts where one can find Stone Town which is UNESCO World Heritage. This part of Zanzibar is also where one would mostly find a lot of people conducting various businesses either through selling hand made goods, excursions or even operating hotels, stores etc.

Then there’s the island side of Zanzibar which I believe we have all seen through the media. There are a number of islands with two main big ones namely Unguja and Pemba Island. Do make sure too visit and stay in Stone Town for a few days before heading down to any island of your choice. 

 NB take note of:

Currency used in Zanzibar is US Dollars or Tanzanian Shillings, they accept both but also note that they do not accept any USD made before the year 2007.

Departure tax, sometimes if this is not paid for in your flight ticket you will have to pay USD 50 when leaving Zanzibar airport.

 Zanzibar has a large population of Muslims, remember to dress decently as it is very important to respect other people’s way of life, when in Stone Town try and cover up as much as you can. However on the islands being in your swimsuits and trunks is not frowned upon.

Get a Yellow Fever injection from your doctor one month before you embark on your journey.

Your passport should have a six months validity.

Zanzibar has fairly humid weather, pack wisely.

Don’t forget to pack yourself mosquito repellent as you will need it.

Main languages spoken in Zanzibar are Swahili, Arabic and English

 How I planned?

Whenever I travel I always draft up an itinerary as this helps me a lot with calculations and anything that I might miss if not written down.

Savings - I made it a goal in the beginning of last year (2018) that each month I would save about N$ 3500 (USD 244) for my trip. These savings were to make sure I could purchase my flight ticket, buy a few items, pay for accommodation, food, activities and still have extra money just in case of any emergencies because with traveling one can never be too sure.

Flight – I had an agent from Blueberry Travel Namibia book my ticket for me. Other agents I had also considered were Trip Travel, Rennies Travel and Welwitschia Travel, but I opted to go with Blueberry because they were efficient and also gave me two flight options varying in price difference of about N$ 1800 (USD 125).

In addition depending on which agent you choose to go for please do make sure you request that your agent also provides you with travel insurance because this can save you a lot. I paid about N$ 350 (USD 26) for mine.

Accommodation – I made use of booking.com which is a worldwide site that helps one find accommodation depending on the price you want. The good thing about booking.com is that it comes with reviews, information on services that the place of accommodation offers, pictures of what it looks like, nearby tourist attractions as well as options that allow one to reserve a room and only pay on arrival. So if you change your mind on where you want to stay you won’t lose out on anything and you can easily cancel your reservation.

As I am not big on staying in 5 star hotels because I am more of an experience life on the edge kind of person in most cases I’d either stay at a guest house or a female dormitory backpacker’s hostel while taking safety and cleanliness into consideration.  These types of accommodations are great if you’re looking to interact with people, I sometimes feel that it should be a goal as a solo traveller to want to meet and talk to people and this is a great way to do it.

While in Stone Town I stayed at Ten to Ten Hostel for three days. I had paid N$ 750 (USD 54) with city tax included. In Jambiani which is the island I went to for another three days,I stayed at Vanilla House run by a Polish and Maasai couple. I paid N$ 630 (USD 45) city tax included as well and had slept in a mixed dorm room.

Do make sure that when booking your accommodation through any website that city tax has been included into the price to prevent any surprises of having to pay more than you had budgeted for when you arrive.

Food – I had a budget of about N$ 270 (USD 20). This was only for lunch, dinner and snacking food items in between as my breakfast was included in both my accommodation packages. Food is relatively affordable in Zanzibar, one would normally spend about USD 10 per meal. And there is an array of food choices.

Transport on the ground – Stone town is very small you can go anywhere within the area by foot as everything is close by. However you will have to pay for transport if you plan on going to any of the Zanzibar islands as they are quite far depending on where you go.

My accommodation provided shared transport to various islands. The total cost of the transfers are usually around USD 40 if you go by yourself but if you choose the sharing van option depending on the number of people in the van you might end up paying a quarter of the full price. I only paid USD 10 as opposed to USD 40 for the shared transfer I was in. Spesho the driver of the van was a ball of fun to drive with I highly recommend him you can WhatsApp him on +255715297037.

There is also another mode of transport called Dala dala, the cheapest mode of transport for about USD 3 you can take one towards the island of your choice but note that it takes much longer to reach ones destination. 

Activities – I did not spend much on this because exploring is basically free unless you opt to go for city tours. There a many local people who will approach you for tours but politely decline if you do not want one.

The only activity I paid for was a village tour as I am very into interacting with communities. This tour was offered by @colorsofzanzibar on Instagram for about USD 50 which included a tour to a sea weed village, local school, a woman who taught me how to make rope out of coconut fibre, a local traditional meal of choice, a visit to the local hospital and a tour around the village and its local homes which are called Kibandas. 

 My Trip

Starting off from Stone Town

If I could describe Zanzibar to someone it would be that it is not like what I have seen on TV or in magazines, it was is so much more than I expected it to be. Every little detail in Stone Town was beautiful. The name Stone Town says it all, it gets its name from the ornate houses built with local stone by Arab traders and slavers during the 19th Century.

When I travel I always look to see if a place is able to make me feel at home and that’s exactly how I felt when I arrived. From the moment I landed people were very welcoming, everyone smiles and greets you with a jolly Karibu which means welcome and I knew then and there that I was going to have a great time.

The airport is rather very small so don’t be surprised, just adapt. There are also various airport transfers that can take you to your destination. I made use of Bennito who came highly recommended on all the research sites when I was planning my trip. Noting that I had arrived in the evening I wanted to make use of a reliable and safe transfer so Bennito it was, you can find him on Instagram @zanzibardestination or WhatsApp him on +255 743 072 597 and he charges USD 12 to Stone Town which is a 40 minute drive from the airport.

Just a heads up, there are no traffic lights or stops in Zanzibar so people drive like maniacs however don’t worry too much about the driving because they know their roads so trust that you will be okay.

When I arrived at my hostel, I noticed how filled the streets of Stone Town were with many tourists from all corners of the world as well as its residents walking around and socialising. As I mentioned earlier I stayed at Ten to Ten hostel which was very welcoming. Since it is somewhat of a newly built accommodation everything was really clean which I liked and it was centred basically in an area that was safe, surrounded by a number of places to eat and attractions.

My Highlights of Stone town.

I explored Stone Town by myself and whenever I got lost people were always willing to direct me the right way. I visited the Secret Garden at Emerson spice tea house where I had lunch and I was taken on a free tour of the hotel itself. It’s always good to ask if this can been done because you never know what you can score for free.

I also took a walk to Forodhani Garden which was a minute away from my accommodation. Basically this is a food market near a waterfront and every day just before sunset young teenage boys gather at the water front and jump off into the water to cool themselves.

I then also went to Darajani Market and the local fish market which was a free activity as welll. Along the way I stumbled upon Jaws corner, which is a corner where men usually meet every day to drink a cup of spice tea while discussing various life topics.

In addition I also went to a traditional spa called Mrembo Spa, where I chose a head, neck and back massage. This spa also helps Swahili females who are in the process of getting married prepare their bodies by clearing their skin to make it smoother before the big day. It also offers workshops where one can learn how to make incense sticks among other things. Mrembo spa can be found on Instagram @mrembospa or visit their website at www.mrembospa.com for their contact details.

Another discovery I came across was the House of Spices, which is a restaurant that till this day maintains its Arabic atmosphere and touring around the space was free. 

All these places that I had gone too were located really near my hostel. It would take me about 7 minutes to get to each which was very convenient. And then off I was to the island of Jambiani.

Ending off in Jambiani

About sixty kilometres, southwest of Stone Town was where my island of choice Jambiani was situated. Why Jambiani, well I wanted to truly experience and live the Tanzania local life that is away from all the touristy stuff.

Jambiani is a very big village, it’s so big that it has been split into two parts and has two local chiefs that run each side of the village. The village is home to Muslims, Christians and Buddhists

Since it is a seaweed village local fisher men are usually seen in the early hours of the morning pushing out their boats for fishing as most of the residents from the village survive on sea food. They also make their income from this. In addition local women from the village assisted by their children also make a living from seaweed farming which is very common.

Arriving at my accommodation, Vanilla House I was welcomed with smiles and a fresh glass of mango juice before they had taken me to where I would sleep. On the very same day I found myself amidst a small intimate beach wedding that my place of accommodation was hosting where a polish couple eloped. This was amazing because it was my first time experiencing a beach wedding and now I am definitely left wanting to someday have a beach wedding of my own. 

On the very same day which was a Friday, I also got the chance to attend another wedding but this one was much bigger. It was a local Muslim wedding and I had been informed Muslims usually celebrate their weddings on Fridays. Most of the people from the community gathered around in a circle and had a joyous dance off. Jambiani was truly just amazing.

During my time there I also awoke to the most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen while overlooking the soothing sound of the oceans waves. 

Throughout the three days I spent on Jambiani I explored the beach this too was a free activity. I also took a bike ride that was offered by my accommodation for US 5 along the beach.

I as well had the opportunity to get on the local boats of Zanzibar called Dhow boats with a young man called Harry and is father. Although language was somewhat of a barrier Harry and I communicated pretty well as he knew a little bit of English.

All the meals I had throughout my stay were freshly prepared depending on whatever I wanted to eat and many restaurant on the beach were affordable as well.      

There is so much I can say about both Stone Town and Jambiani but I would want you to experience it for yourself to see exactly what I mean by it is nothing short of amazing. I hope that this write up will help you plan your trip or any other trip in general that you might want to take.

[fyrapartnersearch]

Villain Enthusiast Seeks Same

Hello! I’m Autumn. I’m an almost-30-something currently in GMT + 5:45. The breakdown is I'm halfway around the world doing volunteer work for the summer and I'm feeling pretty isolated, so I figure burying myself in a roleplay would be a good distraction. 

What I’m Looking For: You have to be 18+ and preferably close to my age. 

I’m looking for a partner(s) who has an appreciation for villainous characters, both playing them (must) and playing against them (would be nice). Beyond that, I’m looking for someone who appreciates the necessity of conflict to move the roleplay forward, and who is both generally active but also understands that real life takes precedent! It would be great to find all of that wrapped up in someone who wants to also get to know one another OOC. I’m a chatty and hopefully funny person, and I do my best (or worst, if you’re one of my hapless OCs…) brainstorming/idea bouncing in an informal setting where I feel comfortable.

Basically, I work hard, I play hard, and I’m down for some awesome wicked villainy. Let’s do this.

Availability: I'm online every day, but be patient with me. WIFI isn't great out here and I have work to do while I'm abroad.

The Basics: I’m a para/multi-para roleplayer, though I do not give a flying fuck about word count. My metrics for determining quality are a response which 1) satisfyingly responds to what my partner has written and 2) introduces a new element for my partner to respond to. I’m “literate,” but I care way more about your ideas than whether or not you use an Oxford comma.

I play characters of all genders, and all pairings. In an ideal world, you would as well, but my bare minimum is that you are comfortable playing  either M or NB in an M or NBxF pairing. I am able to play as many characters as needed for the roleplay, depending on how ambitious it is, and ask that you are able to play at least two characters.

I only play OCs. I prefer if we make our own world, but I’m open to playing against canon characters/in established worlds, provided the fandom in question is aligned with my roleplay interests (see below) and I’m either familiar with or don’t need more than a passing knowledge of the fandom to roleplay competently.

Properties I have more than a passing familiarity with: A:TLA/LoK, Game of Thrones (show), OUAT, Harry Dresden, The Grishaverse, Vlad Taltos/Dragaera, American Gothic (‘97 TV show), John Dies at the End, Alien/Prometheus, Marvel (films), X-Men (films), Batman (films), True Blood, TVD, BTVS, Hellsing, Pokemon (first gen), SCP Foundation, Area X/Southern Reach Trilogy, Inuyasha

Format: Email or kik are going to work best for me, since when I can't get Wifi I have a data plan that is very text friendly, and very hostile to anything else (so Tumblr is not great unfortunately)

Interests: Genre-wise, I comfortably occupy the realm of speculative fiction, and everything within it. I’ve done space opera, steampunk, swords and sorcery, urban fantasy, post-apocalyptic, magical realism, parallel dimensions, horror, etc. I love it all, if I’m with the right partner. To that end, I love in-depth world building and all that entails.

As mentioned before, I adore a good villain. I write the kind of villains where “Lux Aeterna” may as well start playing when they enter the room, because you just know something awful (but epic) is about to happen. I’m looking for someone who brings the same enthusiasm to the table. Ideally, we'd be doubling in a situation where we each play the respective villains to one another's hero(ines), but if you only want to 1x1 it would be you (villain--any gender) x me (heroine).

Vampires. Unrepentant, bloodsucking vampires. Incomprehensible, ancient vampires. Did I mention vampires? Overpowered villains. Heroes triumphing based on smarts and hard work, rather than strength. Unresolved sexual tension (particularly between a virtuous character and an irredeemable one). Mindfuckery. Detailed world building. The slow corruption of the heroic types. Twisted fairy tales. Psychological horror. Intricate magical systems. Alien/fantasy species with non-western moral codes/values/culture. The absurd. Fatal flaws. 

Content: I’m no stranger to roleplaying scenes of abuse, trauma, or physical or psychological torture. You don’t need to be as open to this type of content as I am, but if all “dark” content is off the table, we aren’t a good match.

Smut: For the most part, I’m disinterested in smut. I’m far more interested in the foreplay and the psychology of the event, than the mechanics of it. I strongly prefer fade to black, but if you're the otherwise perfect partner whose only concession is asking for an occasional smut scene, I'm happy to oblige.

Limits: The short list is bodily excretions/fluids, and pedophilia. 

Samples. tw: murder, blood, mindfuckery, dissociation, that kind of stuff. These are actual roleplay responses, not self-paras or drabbles or excerpts from my novel, so you may have to infer context.

If you actually read all of this and it sounds like a grand ol’ horrorshow to you, please contact me below:

kik: fallrps

tumblr: @fallrps (slowest response rate due to limited Tumblr access)

email: winterroleplays@gmail.com