#i am keeping those in storage in case i think of anything more to say and need an excsue to post it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

torchickentacos · 1 year

Text

Fall Out Boy concert experience!

WOO ok wanted to type this out so, one, I don't forget it all bc concert amnesia hits me hard, but two, in case anyone just wants to hear about it!!! @alonetogethermp3 I know you'll wanna hear about it! LONG POST. I warned you all.

SO! This is a venue specific thing, but parking? BAD. They have the parking dudes whose job it is to point and yell. They were not pointing OR yelling and just kinda stood there. It was way worse getting out than in but I also got there early for openers. Also venue specific, but it wasn't that accessible. I knew that going into this, though- I had been there to see P!ATD before they sucked and also I graduated there, so I was aware of this issue. Luckily it isn't that bad with a cane, and I could struggle through the stairs and lines, but god forbid I had used my walker.

I wasn't too impressed by any of the merch designs but that's also entirely personal taste, and the good stuff might have just been sold out.

But we got in alright and found a shady space for lawn seats near the back in case I had a medical issue (chronic illness in direct sun, not something you wanna be stuck in the pit for). I will say- edibles? Great from what I've heard. Bring those. Don't be that person vaping and smoking whatever the fuck at a concert. Breathing is a thing people around you tend to enjoy. Don't be that guy.

The openers were CARR (heard about 2 songs, fun and fine, kind of giving Pom Pom Squad or Gracie Abrams gone rock and slight shoegaze and recording in someone's basement /positive), Royal & the Serpent (very good, almost definitely has Bikini Kill or Hole as their inspiration, played a competent nirvana cover that I wasn't at all mad at), and Bring Me The Horizon (way better than I was expecting except for the part where he asked if we were ready to be fucked in the ass with my mom sitting next to me). He also kept telling us to get up and jump. (My friend and I started a drinking game where I took a shot of liquid iv hydration multiplier every time an opener told me to jump, something I was entirely unable to do bc POTS lmfao). They did have actual drinks everywhere- it was more alcohol than anything else, actually. My friend did get something alcoholic but apparently it kinda sucked and I wasn't missing out. I will say, this WAS somewhere that you'd have to watch your drink, though. I didn't get catcalled or anything (this time) but I did feel the need to be on alert and I'd advise others to do the same at any concert, honestly, but especially one as packed as this one was.

I spent a lot of the opener time laying down in the grass because of the heat, but it did cool down nicely and most non-chronically ill people seemed to be fine with the heat. Also, I think it was Pete Wentz around the opening who told the crowd that if they saw anyone struggling with the heat or crowds or anything at all to let security know, and I loved that they seemed to be very conscientious of crowd safety (but it didn't get that wild honestly, pretty chill crowd but not to the point of being a dead crowd. Good in-between).

By the time FOB took the stage, it was sunset- really pretty, no pictures of that though bc phone storage and I was too busy talking to my friend.

The stage was really good- I ADORED that it was seemingly modeled after the album cover of From Under The Cork Tree. Here, have the world's blurriest picture of it below. The circle would show an 8-ball every so often, and it had a spinning globe for Hold Me Like A Grudge ("the world is always spinning and I can't keep up" lyric reference I imagine)! It had a ton of fun details like that that seemed to correlate to the songs. I also noticed a lot of clock motifs and ticking time, which... if I had a nickel each time a major 2023 concert tour had a clock motif (eras tour too, which I am not going to because I don't feel like fist-fighting a shady facebook marketplace reseller for a ticket), 2 nickels, etc. Also kinda funny bc they released a song together recently but I'm getting way off topic.

The sound quality was AMAZING, and while my pictures all suck, I could see a decent amount even when laying down and tired (though I had to peer through the sea of asses and vape/weed smoke). They had a few big screens that seemed pretty well-focused on Patrick and Pete (but also Joe sometimes). They weren't the most talkative but when they did, it felt so genuine and endearing- a bit awkward, but it really did feel like they wanted us to feel like they were talking to US and not just to a crowd. Patrick and Pete were so nice and just... real-feeling. I couldn't catch a lot of what they said, though- a bit mumbly. Pete was wearing a rose themed mesh shirt and a skirt, I'm pretty sure, which I loved. FOB, MCR, I love whatever the fuck popular former emo bands are doing with gender nonconformity these days. Keep that up.

Now. The songs. Bit of personal lore here, but I went with a friend I've known since like 2012/13, and we had been to this venue together around 2015?? for a show. Because of that, I was SO FUCKING EMOTIONAL when they played Bang the Doldrums. I know that thematically the entire thing doesn't quite fit, nor would I quite want it to, but I found a certain irony and amusement in singing some of the lyrics with my friend next to me.

AND OH MY G O S H. THE ACOUSTIC 'NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER'. I was fucking blessed. My favorite album/EP of theirs is probably My Heart Will Always Be the B-Side to my Tongue, which is an acoustic EP, and so they played that song in the version I adored most. Though, I can't in good faith choose a single favorite album/EP.

AND WINONA!!!!!!!!! WE GOT SHE'S MY WINONA. I could NOT have asked for a better setlist. I also love that they played a good amount from Take This To Your Grave (AND ENDED ON SATURDAY!!!). Hot take? Could have done with a bit more MANIA but I get why they didn't, but The Last of the Real Ones was a GOOD CHOICE (another one I had Big Emotions about). The only songs I would have loved that I didn't get were The (Shipped) Gold Standard and GINASFS, but I would have cried my damn makeup off so it's probably for the best that I didn't get to sing 'I wanna scream 'I love you' at the top of my lungs but I'm afraid that someone else will hear me' or 'trade baby blues for wide-eyed browns' or literally any other line of GINASFS. But if I get into that then y'all are gonna learn more about my emotional state than I care for lmfao. My blog is...not-irrelevant enough that I don't want to get too specific in case someone I know finds it, because while I don't know if my friends use tumblr, they're certainly the type (queer and neurodivergent lol, birds of a feather and all).

And THAT'S what makes the concert and FOB as a band special to me, though- it was a good show but it was a personal experience. I cannot separate the show from the emotions I went through for the company I was with that FOB's lyrics evoked. And if we were to crash and burn, then that also means that the memory of this concert will be forever stained by the things I felt now due to their inextricable nature. But that's the risk you take when you enjoy something because of someone's presence and associated emotions, and it's a risk I'll continue to take because there's no use living life held-back and scared of eventual regret. Enjoy the moment and everything you feel then and there.

It wasn't just a show that would be a replicable experience. Their lyrics and performance invoked those emotions in a really special way, and I was just FEELING the entire concert. Maybe I'm over-emotional or too sentimental or can't move on from an embarrassingly long and futile crush BUT I would not trade that for anything. It was an EXPERIENCE, not just good music, though it was that, too. And I think they delivered that in a very FOB-unique way that other bands might not have been able to.

It was just a very open vibe when they took the stage. They sang with earnest and genuine feeling and LOVE, and I think that spreads to the audience. Every show has a specific vibe. Live music feeds off of audience and band alike, and the energy was just vulnerable and wonderful at this concert, and you can tell they wanted to foster that experience.

Ultimately, emotional vulnerability is what FOB is built off of. Like their music or not, from even their first few albums, they had that deeper emotional touch to them. You could hear the spite, the yearning, the apathy or the jealousy in each line recorded. Their lyrics are founded on emotion as opposed to storytelling or even clarity (some songs, I have no idea what specifically they're on about but it makes me feel things anyways). And that rang true tonight as well, on stage and in the audience.

#l o n g p o s t . look me in the eyes. and read this.#took after fob's song titles for this post. thematically appropriate.#taylor's tag #fall out boy #smfs #so much for (tour) dust

16 notes · View notes

genderqueerdykes · 2 years

Note

hey i got kicked out and i think I'm gonna be ok in terms of where I'm staying for the next week or so but i don't have access to a phone and i wont until i get back to my house (hopefully after this week) any idea what i should do

oh my goodness, i'm so sorry for not seeing this sooner, i hope you're doing okay so far

i am so sorry to hear that, i have been kicked out before and it's scary regardless of the reason. it depends on how old you are, and what kinds of resources you have nearby and what kind of situation you're in right now- even if you're staying with friends, you are able to access homeless resources in your area because sleeping on friends' couches is considered homelessness. you may want to contact a shelter in your area if you can. if you are a minor, sometimes there are shelters and homelessness programs specifically for youths, especially queer youth. Casa Q provides services like that in Albuquerque, for example

shelter, food, and a place to use the restroom are your priorities, so if you have those covered, you can work on getting the rest of your support network established. i understand if you're not able to get a job, however, finding a way to get some type of income will be crucial as it can be hard to couch surf for long. most folks aren't very patient when it comes to a friend or roommate that can't pay rent. not saying that to be mean, it's the truth unfortunately

try to figure out independent transportation if you do not have a car right now- see if there are busses, trains, metro stations, etc. near where you are and see if you are able to get around independently. Uber and Lyft are a options but they get pricy.

public libraries have free computers you can use as well as wifi, and often times have a lot of resources for local programs and centers in your area that might be able to help you. either way it's internet access and a way to charge your phone/devices if you need it.

if you are mentally ill, i suggest trying to look into getting a case/social worker if you don't have one, they can help you navigate the more overwhelming parts of life. those can be accessed through mental health services like therapy and medication management. if you do not have any form of insurance, check to see if medicaid is available where you are(if you're in the united states), and if not, look for other low income insurance, sometimes medical services can be very broad, and life saving.

try to not weigh yourself down by carrying around a bunch of stuff you don't truly need. it sucks to get rid of your stuff but weighing yourself down and having to pay a bunch to store and move a ton of possessions will work against you. figure out what the most important items are and stick to those for the time being. you can pay for a storage unit but if you don't have a car you'll have to pay for movers and these things can add up quick

if you are having a mental health crisis right now (which I would not blame you for), you have the option of attempting to stay at a crisis center or psychiatric hospital, which can give you 3+ days in a bed with prepared meals and medications. you can also gain access to resources in the community this way, as they have social workers.

transgender, queer & LGBTQ resource centers often have programs for homeless queer people and queer people struggling with housing, or at the very least can help direct you to some programs that might be able to help you figure out what to do

keep your friends and anyone else who is there for you up to date on what's happening and where you are, as well. keeping tabs with people is super important right now

if i can think of anything else, i'll let you know- i really hope you are doing okay. stay safe out there. it is very hard to navigate the world when your housing is unstable. hope you will be alright

#asks #answers #housing

14 notes · View notes

havethetouch · 2 years

Text

FYI older art uploads in ze future

Idk how much far I go back with my uploads but like I prolly go for a bit maybe even early 2000s so lots of art uploads from way back lie ahead xd I still love most of them dearly and I think it's important to keep old art around in galleries or somewhere people can still get to it because those are where I come from, those are where my style developed from bit by bit those are where many of my OCs came from too and idk I wanna share that with people. I want you to see from where I started roughly (roughly because the really old stuff is harder for me to find I started uploading stuff to the internet when i was like.. uh 14/15, I would need to find, re-scann and also erase my deadname from a lot of stuff, bc back then I did not have a nifty signature that nobody can possible read) when I began uploading my stuff to the internet and how things just slowly but surley geared mostly towards ladies and hair and wings and details and my love for thicc lineart. Funny side note on the line art though? My very first OC artworks were made with a fountain pen from school with black ink in it and a broad tip, so my lines were naturally broad due to the nature of my pen. (which I also used for writing, in school, bc I was still in school back then and it feels like forever ago while I am writing this fuck XD) Sometime soon though I found thin liners that did not smudge with copics like my ink did so I entered the dubious zone of touch does thin lines forever, then goes back to his roots and makes it thicc. Anyway... what I'm trying to say is, I think it's nice to see an artists journey, and I love it to pieces when I can catch glimpses of peoples old art and see were they came from/started out from. So yeah imma slowly go through my stuff and bring old stuff back online. I used to have a gallery (on DA) that went all the way back almost to the beginnings but I changed accounts in 2011/12 to my new artist handle (back then in ye olden days name changes were not yet a thing on DA) and while the younger account still exists I have everything thrown into storage because fuck DA. I keep my "archive" there until they get funny ideas like deleting accounts of inactive users or whatever. But it's no longer public and like I said only goes back to 2011/12 anyway so yah. Like i said i do not know how much of the really old stuff is gonna come back online but I'd like to bring some of it back. Guess Imma go tag my art posts with the years they were made in too for filtering purposes xd But just fyi I also have a FurAffinity account were I am basically also try to do something similar and have a whole folder structure dedicated to years of creation for the very same purpose. Just in case that's more convenient for some of you but I am in no way caught up with uploads there either. Nb4 it comes up: I am currently too lazy for a personal website were I could go chronological madness. Mainly bc I know myself I would fucking take forever to just design a layout and get super anal about everything else and loose patience long before uploading anything so I am doing the responsible thing and not do that. At least not anytime soon. I have my projects planned out for 2023 already with some pockets for arttrades 'n stuff I am booked out XD

#touch speaks #on old artwork #my old artworks are my lil gems #some of them still fuck btw.#I mean don't get me wrong I see billion of mistakes and shit in them but I also know back then I could literally not do them better #and that's alright #I cherished them for what they were back then #and I still cherish them now #and you should cherish your old art too #without them you would not be were you are now #cringe culture is dead #embrace ur old stuff with wonky and very clear “it's my style” choices on anatomy - hidden hands - ride or die left facing 4life

2 notes · View notes

psychosomatica · 1 month

Note

Yo, a dumbass with no knowledge about programming here. You don't have to explain stuff if you don't wanna, but I am curious about the "there should not be apps, only websites" post.

While I get that some apps are at least more convenient than websites, others, especially for services that you likely won't use often, seem kind of pointless from user perspective. I think. But also I might just be used to how things were like 15-20 years ago.

I'd like to know why apps would be preferable to websites, and if there are exceptions to that?

The short answer: Native-run applications are much much more performant and better in almost every single way except for the fact that they need to be installed. They can access local resources and perform logic using native hardware that browsers can't to the same extent. They can do anything a web application can do, better, plus more. However, web applications are still very good at running snappy interfaces that only need to serve text and relatively small images dynamically. They're much easier and much cheaper to develop.

This is a little hard to talk about with big generalizations because there are so many different types of applications with different intents, and there's a huge spectrum of how reliant applications are on remote computing and data transfer. I can't cover every architecture here, so I'm thinking specifically mobile applications vs. modern web applications (not the Amazon, Youtube, and Netflix's of the world, they are engineering undertakings out of this scope).

First, the bad: There is a type of mobile application (that I think you were kind of hinting at) that is essentially there with the single purpose of serving you the company's website exactly as it can already be accessed through a browser. The only advantages to the user that I can really conceive of in this case is that it's a convenient bookmark on your home screen and that it can access your phone's password manager and native payment methods/services that require specific permissions. Big examples of this are access to your phone's camera and FaceID. Also, applications are much better at creating persistent sessions, meaning that they can keep you logged in without having to re-authenticate all the time. Beyond those specific cases, you could say these types of mobile apps are pretty useless.

However, as soon as you get into anything more complicated, the advantages of applications are huge. You can think of them as a phone's equivalent to a desktop application. I actually hate that many desktop applications are now re-packaged web applications similar to the above example. Think Notion. This means no or limited offline app use, which makes me irate. IMO saving files to server storage like with Fusion360 (a CAD program) should be an option, not the default.

Web architectures and browsers are hamstrung on purpose. They can't save files locally beyond specific cases like when caching and when a file is spit into your Downloads folder. This is to protect you. To offset the fact that web browsers can't do a lot on your end (among other reasons), when you use a web application like Google's translation app, the logic performing that translation is not done in the browser with Javascript, it's done server side, then sent back to you. This means that your computer is not actually performing that logic, and therefore all of this data (sometimes needed in real time) needs to be transferred over your network. Google makes this seamless with a lot of money and engineering work.

The expedient calculation and transfer of data is a huge consideration in Computer Science. Beyond companies just not wanting to store expensive files, this is a reason why social media sites, for example, have maximum image upload sizes. Even then, they compress assets on their end to make sure that someone scrolling through their timeline isn't an unmanageable mess because fetching large images takes so long. Pre-caching images and resources helps ensure the experience for the user is smooth and consistent, which is pivotal. Social media applications have the exact same problem because they're reliant on streaming data in the same way a web app is.

All this is to say, applications (meaning mobile applications) are just more performant than web applications. When you do your upfront download of an application, you're downloading logic engines and assets natively that are then loaded from your phone's hard storage into memory. The calculations that normally need to be offloaded to a cloud server can be performed locally. Local assets and phone-specific architectures mean snappier interfaces and much better quality assurance. This isn't to mention the baseline performance increases from using the Android and Apple developed SDKs (written in Java/Kotlin and Swift/Java/etc) to perform logic and render native user interfaces.

Browser side, things have gotten better recently with SPAs, or Single Page Applications. Have you ever noticed how the current version of Tumblr doesn't refresh the entire page when you click a navigation link? It uses a Single Page architecture so that it only has to serve content that needs to be refreshed as necessary. Companies like Adobe, who make very calculation-heavy applications, are pushing hard to enter the web space so that their apps can be more accessible to more (mobile) users. The reality is, the web apps are just not anywhere near as performant because they require offloading the logic to Adobe's servers, just like Google.

Overall, the difference of being able to perform logic client-side is huge. If your application needs to do any amount of image rendering, video streaming, 3D rendering, or image manipulation (like the Snapchat example lmao) it's just going to be better and faster in a natively run application, if it was even possible in browser in the first place.

This is why browser games are pretty limited. It's amazing what we can do in browser with webGL these days. Look at OnShape or Vention.io's online CAD. It's phenomenal. But those apps were created with the very specific purpose of needing to be browser-based for accessibility, and their desktop/installed counterparts are much more performant.

#this got long #but I hope it's at least somewhat illustrative #programming #comp sci #filing this alongside pictures of boys kissing

0 notes

lpfreakification · 1 year

Text

Day 2 of Mall of America

Meds, got up at 7 am, ate breakfast, + got ready for rides 🤩

The top most intense rides were:

1. Avatar The Last Airbender

2. SpongeBob Rock Bottom Plunge

3. Fairly Oddparents

4. Brain Surge

5. TMNT Mutant Masher

After we made our way thru the rides, I felt like I couldn't keep my balance. I wasn't nauseous or anything, thankfully. The sister felt the uneasiness after the 3rd ride. Is that how I'm gonna be like in 1 or 2 years? It could also be my meds that I lasted longer than her :P Then again, we did get there right on opening time, so we hit those rides with no lines super fast 😅

We took a mini shopping break near the rides to regain balance.

The Nickelodeon Store:

A SpongeBob can cooler/cover

A shiny Surprised Patrick enamel pin

A shiny Imma Head Out SpongeBob enamel pin

The M&M Store

A bag of assorted M&Ms

A keychain

A multipen

Washi tape

We got our thrills in by noon, rested some more, had more rides in, + we met up for lunch at Cowboy Jack's. I got a soup, a sandwich, + one drink. Bday mini donuts with a big sparkler 😆

I went my separate way + had insane colorful purchases. I am not to be trusted with a card. Believe me. Crayola + Ebisu 😆

Crayola (from the top of my head):

Crayons, crayons, crayons, crayons

A bunch of metal tins for storage + organizing :)

Markers X3

A small sketchbook

A purple stringed backpack

Dry-erase markers AND crayons

I was living my own mini OceaninSpace moment X3

Ebisu

Pens, duh

3 pencil cases

4 washi tapes

Brushes

Then I took a break + sat down to doodle/play with these crayons. Using my oc, Dratica, I was able to blend a red, a razzmatazz, + a metallic maroon crayon. The smoothness!

Makes me think of how much more potential I can do with a combination of the shiny metallic watercolors... on black paper 😸

It was getting close to 5, so I rode SpongeBob one last time. The lines were filling up now that more people were present. Plus, there was a prom going on, too.

After I rode the ride, I was about to sit back down until the sister told me of another art store. BOOM. You can definitely assume how that turned out.

From Typo:

24 pens

Another watercolor sketchbook

A blue tote bag that says "Be A Good Human"

4 gel pen packs

2 watercolor sets

4 brush pen sets

A highlighter set

After another round of Uni Uni Boba, I officially cut myself off from spending 😵‍💫

(Forgot to mention that I spent 60 bucks in cash on a Key Master game in the hope of winning a Nintendo Switch. Close a few times.)

Then we all met back up. Reminds me of how Ventus, Terra, + Aqua met back up in Radiant Garden :) We changed into nicer clothes for bday dinner at Benihanas :)

That was a nice time, I say. Satisfied + not overly stuffed. We walked back on a nice night + chilled.

And that's where I am now. *yawns* I hope to knock out fast bcuz it's getting stuffy in here. Yet, everyone else says it's too cold. ??? Idk. All I know is that we won't do any more shopping tomorrow or in the morning. The interesting challenge would be of fitting our purchases into my tiny blue car. Mexican clown car prevails!

Overall, my bday was full of smiles 😊

I am 29, this is fine...

#life

0 notes

adamjagger · 2 years

Text

Holosun ls321r

Alright guys so this week’s product that I talk about is going to be the holosun ls321r. This is one of the more affordable infrared laser devices on the market. I got mine from brownells for a great deal, which I’ll leave links down below to where you can find it.

First off this is going to be a first impressions/what comes with it type of post. I am still waiting for a certain PVS 14 to be back in stock so all of the visual reference I have is just through the SiOnyx Aurora camera.

First off, it does come in a case, very similar to what you would see from Eotech. Which is nice if you intend on taking the device off for storage or anything like that. I don’t plan on doing it so for me it just becomes another case that I have a giant stack of it does come with a remote tape switch that isn’t the best of quality but if you’re working on a budget, it will work just fine for you. It also comes with the instruction manual a battery, the typical Torx wrench, and some other miscellaneous items.

First impression is the build quality seems really good on it. It seems like a very solid device. The overall form factor of it is kind of the only negative thing I have to say about it. This is one of the taller infrared devices on the market, but with it being taller, it’s also a lot narrower, which is nice for clearing lights, or any other attachments you may have on the sides .

The controls are very easy to use on this. It does have a nice textured fire button on top with a nice positive click. You can also double tap the fire button to have constant on. The selection switch is also pretty easy to use the windage and elevation adjustments are also nice and easy to use. They have a nice bridge around them to protect them and you can also easily mark your zero on those. The battery cap is surprisingly nice threads, and very easily, the spring, and all that is attached nicely. It does have a rubber tether to keep the cap attached. One of my favorite things about this device is the adjustment for the illuminator is on the rear of the device rather than the front like a lot of other ones are. I think overall that is just a way better solution. That way you’re not messing around at the muzzle end of the rifle and also you can adjust it a lot easier with her being on the back without having to move the rifles position a whole lot.

As for the tape switch that I am using, it is a unity hot button with a crane style plug. Initially when I first got it, I was not able to get the unity switch to plug into the device. After a quick search online, I found out that the terminals on the unity Are just a little bit taller than what the holosun receptacle is. Luckily, that is a extremely quick and easy fix. All you have to do is take a pair of pliers and very lightly squeeze the terminals on the unity switch and then test fit it and just do that until it works I barely had to do this, but once I did, the unity switch clicked right in.

Overall, the infrared illuminator could use a little bit more power. I think the laser itself is great that’s very easy to see but I just wish the illuminator had a little bit more throw to it. I did use the visible laser to zero the device on my rifle and it’s pretty easy to pick up at distance , but it’s hard to find it initially. That could be due to the fact that I got a red version which is about $60 cheaper than the green laser version but I only intended on using the visible laser just to zero the device since the visible laser in the infrared laser are co aligned.

Overall, I’ve been pretty happy with this device. I’m excited to get to use it under true night vision and I’m sure I’ll have a full length review on it once I get to do that. I do plan on picking up more of the products from holosun. Brownell‘s does carry pretty much all of them so if you are interested again, I’ll leave a link down below. You can go check that out other than that. I’ve been very happy with this device and hope that by the time a full review is done on it but I’m still happy with it.

Happy shooting

Adam Jagger gun blog #22 2-11-23

1 note · View note

cloudninetonine · 3 years

Text

A past that still haunts me

A/N: Hey guys, it's me (ya boi) I'm back with my still current hyper fixation Genshin Impact and a vent fic because I've been really stressed and well, it's hard living in my house :) It's a hurt/comfort fic because they always get to me and I needed to make something for myself

I am willing to do aftermath where the boys confront the abuser or do scenario but with different characters

Synopsis: You’re not a damsel in distress, you never have been and you never will be, but, well, sometimes you need a hero to rely on and that’s okay

Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Zhongli and Childe

Warnings: Hints to past abuse, confrontation of abuser, violence, mentions of blood, threats, foul language

It had meant to be like any other menial day of an adventurer: sign in with Katheryne, complete your commissions, sign out with Katheryne with your payments - done and dusted.

But that wasn’t how it went, no, far from it - archons, so damn far from it.

“Thank you once again, (Name)” Katheryne’s smile was kind like usual, holding that familiar feeling of gratitude as she handed over your remission within a marked package, hand returning to the desk’s polished surface once you had taken it graciously, sending her a beaming grin back. “The Guild really appreciates your work ethic when it comes to the Ruin machines, it’s hard to come across adventurers who want to handle them anymore”

You sent her a shrug as you placed away the box “Can’t blame them really, they’re a hard bunch to handle- I was terrified of them when I first started too, but I had my vision to help me out, a lot of these folk only use there pure determination to eradicate them, gotta admire that!”

She laughed along with you politely “Have a good evening, (Name), I’ll see you again tomorrow?”

“Of course you will!” You backpedalled away from the guild reception, throwing the woman a polite double fingered salute as you did “Ad astra abyssoque as they say, my fair lady!”

She parrotted back her usual phrase before disappearing into the building, you walking further down the path of the city for your final activity for that day.

Of course, you didn’t reach that far, after all, it wasn’t that menial day you had expected, that you had wanted. Life was cruel sometimes, so incredibly cruel for no justified reason just for the sake of it all and you wished, archons, you wished you could rewind the clock and stop yourself from bumping into the body, to save yourself from all the repressed trauma bursting forth like a flurry of butterflies, well, more like moths, disgusting, ungodly, monster moths that aimed straight for the face.

“Sorry!” You yelped, too preoccupied with gathering your pocketwatch you had dropped in the stumble to see who it had been, after all, you were on a schedule and you didn’t want to be-

“(Name)?”

...late.

All of a sudden, time didn’t seem to exist, or maybe it was moving way too slowly from that horrid spike of adrenaline that shot into your bloodstream as soon as the voice registered.

You hoped to the Archons that it wasn’t, that it couldn’t, but did the gods hear your prayers?

“Oh Archons, it is you! It’s been such a long time!”

Of course, they did, they just didn’t care to listen. Ignoring the cries of your people were in fashion to them these days.

They stood there with a smile so excited it almost seemed to tear their face in half, with eyes sparkling with recognition after so many years away from them, they opened their arms welcoming you into their embrace like it was something just so normal for the two of you like you would come bounding to them like a lost puppy who had finally found their master.

The fear of your abuser dwarfed in comparison the pure feral rage and loathing to think that they even deserved to be breathing in the same space as you.

People were looking, of course, they were looking, you knew what they were doing, being bright and jovial, bringing others attention towards you both so that whatever scene you caused would be your fault like you were the bad guy. It was old tactics, of course, you wouldn’t dare do anything when you were younger, you’d just push through it, but this wasn’t old times, this wasn’t younger you, scared, smaller you afraid them, this was you now, a warrior, unwavering in battle, a person who smiled in the face of danger, who laughed at the pitiful fights that 2- no- 4 abyss mages brought to you!

To hell what other people thought, you’d stomp their head into the cobblestone if they had so much as poked you.

“Come here and give me a-”

You took a step back, mustering the deadliest face you could, but you wavered, it was only natural, no matter how much you could try to hype yourself up, this person was your first true experience of real-life nightmares, the first person to bring you true pain, no matter how many ruin guards, hunters, millachurls, mages- anything you faced, nothing could prepare you to face your first fear:

The fear of your older sibling.

“If you fucking touch me I’ll stab you-” The growl cracked nearing the end, you were always an angry crier but you were not about to fall back to this- this monster. “In front of all these people, I won’t hesitate”

Their face dropped followed by your stomach, though, the food you had for lunch sure did feel its way up your gullet.

“What’s with your language? We haven’t seen each other in four years and this is how you treat me? Your older sibling?” They laughed in disbelief because onlookers would think they were shocked, I mean, how could you speak to family like that? But they didn’t know, they didn’t know the words they had told you, the insults, the threats, those tight grabs, those beatings- they didn’t know, so they obviously didn’t know that the shock came from the fact that you had stood up to them.

You licked your lips to get rid of the dryness, but the problem you faced was that your mouth had dried out along with them, as did your throat.

Don’t let them turn this on you, don’t let them get the upper hand, you were better than them, so much better.

“You’re not my fucking sibling” You spat, feeling the air vibrate around you, a sudden shine from your cloak hinted you to the cause “You haven’t been for a long time, don’t fucking try that shit with me”

There it was, that familiar enraged spark, that look of hatred on their face, the thing that warned you about what you said had been the right thing to set them off, that they were just as easily triggered by the smallest act of rebellion just like when you were kids.

Of course, they hadn’t changed.

Evil never did.

They took a step forward but you didn’t back off, just hardened your resolve as they leaned in menacingly, as though their stupid little intimidation tactic still worked after all these years.

You told yourself it didn’t but you knew deep down that wasn’t completely true.

“Don’t speak to me like that, (Name)” Facade gone, they showed you what they really were, what they were really like after all, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that, you show me fucking respect”

Respect?

RESPECT!?

Oh Archons, you were angry, no, seething from the thought that they ever deserved respect.

That pathetic piece of shit, that gruelling pleb, mere gum on the bottom of your damn shoe-

You’d kill them, right here, right now.

You felt the familiar materialisation begin to form in your hand when another voice called out, a familiar loving one that nearly made your throat swell from relief.

“(Name)?”

Diluc

He could sense the tension. Of course, he could sense the tension, Diluc had faced this tension so many times before, he was practically the one that owned such a vibe anytime Kaeya even breathed near him for a second longer than necessary.

But being the one to witness it, to see you, the usual awkward, goofy sweetheart stare at another with such overbearing malice made him uneasy, caused his stomach to churn in ways he didn’t like, set him off in a way that was only reserved for the most chilling on moments.

Diluc wondered what exactly this stranger had done to warrant such a reaction from you.

“(Name)?” The redhead called, glancing around the many citizens of Mondstadt that watched the exchange with intrigue, guard and worry, eyes focused on the scene of this foreign stranger and fuming you, hand poised by your side with weapon particles dancing on your palm.

When Diluc finally made it over, his form seemed to curl protectively around you, hand landing on the small of your back delicately while keeping face with the person, eyes narrowed dangerously but still holding an air of civilness.

A true gentleman, even when you were close to merking some rando.

“Is there a problem?”

The stranger straightened immediately, backing up a few steps with their hands up in defence, sending Diluc a charming smile that the man could see through crystal clear.

“No problem, no problem at all” They glanced back at you, seemingly friendly despite his partner’s obvious ill intent that radiated off you in waves “Isn’t that right, (Name)?”

Diluc saw you tense up once again, the buzz from your Vision rising in volume with your obvious anger as you tightened your first, ready to just screw your weapon and go for the throat.

“If that is the case” The noble’s hand softly pressed against your back, gently but coaxing, knowing that conflict in the middle of the town centre would just bring the knights to meddle in affairs that they had no business attending “Then we shall be going”

“There’s no need to leave, after all, my sibling and I were just chatting”

He paused, shouldering a questioning glance your way but at the sight of your unruly expression, he pushed down his enquiries and once again began coaxing you away from the scene. Angel’s Share had already been open for a while, meaning the usual folk would already be settled in, but the storage room was sure to be a good place to chat and to calm you down, all he needed to do was get you away.

“We already had plans” The side glance had the stranger- your sibling, biting their tongue, brows furrowing in a known annoyance as the two of you began your way towards the pub, you still vibrating in anger. “Good day to you”

The two of you had made it a few feet when they called out once again “Don’t worry, (Name), I’ll see you again real soon”

Diluc’s arm tightened around you faster than you could react, tugging you away quickly “Diluc-”

“No, (Name)”

“Stay out-”

“Not here” Sharing a look, he softened at the shine in your eyes. “You’ll just attract the knights' attention”

You didn’t care, no, not one bit. If the knights had dared to interfere at that moment, they too would have been caught up in your blinded revenge, thrown aside or slashed down without single care just to finally eradicate the bane of your existence and you didn’t care about what consequences you brought about, you just didn’t and you made sure to tell Diluc that, as soon as you had the privacy of Angel’s Share’s storeroom, pacing up and down while he stood off to the side against the wall, watching silently.

“You had no right to get in my way!” You snapped, voice shaking from the pure emotions you were releasing “I finally had my chance, I was finally going to do it! They deserve to end by my hand, by my decision, after the years of torture they put me through! They deserved it! And you got in my way! How could you get in my way! I-”

Pushing off the wall, he slowly advanced towards you, carefully, hands out like he was approaching a wounded animal.

“I understand you’re upset-”

“I’m not upset!” You cried at him, stopping mid-step before dropping your head and tightly, grabbing your hair in your hands “I’m not upset! I’m angry! I’m so fucking angry! And I deserve to be fucking angry! I-”

The sob ripped through your throat despite you trying to hold it back, tears finally gathering in your eyes and rapidly falling down your cheeks “You should have let me kill them! I should have had the chance to rid the world of their evil! It’s not fair! It’s not- it’s not fair, I-”

You didn’t bother to fight him when his arms finally wrapped around you, just fell against him as you wept. The pent up rage, fear and sadness from years of repression taking its toll as you cried, your partner whispering sweet words as he raked his hand through your hair gently and leaned his head against yours.

“I’m sorry” His hand held your cheek fondly, ruby red staring back into your own eyes with a softness that made you melt “I didn’t know this meant so much to you, but if you’re willing to tell me, I’ll listen. I’ll always listen”

With another choked sob, you leaned into his hold “Please just hold me for now”

And he did just that.

Kaeya

The captain had promised to meet you at his office, a simple task really but with the lingering presence of Jean and the words ‘There’s so much work that needs to be done’ leaving her lips he bolted, hoping to catch you by the Guild and drag you to Angel Share for your date. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to help her, it was just he had already promised you this night and Eula could have always taken his place with paperwork, her threat of “vengeance” as she liked to call it could wait for another day.

It was also due to the fact he had no intentions of filing any paperwork for as long as he could avoid it, but that was his secret to be kept.

Being the perspective man he was, he could tell straight away he had walked into something tense, surveying the surrounding people of Mondstadt who looked on in concern, the unbridled rage upon your face, the obviously intimidating lean that the stranger held over you- something was wrong and he knew he had to put a stop to it.

“(Name)?” You glanced for a single moment before your furious glare had returned to the stranger, another flag waving right in his face as he approached, “My dear? Who might this be?”

Before you could snap, lip curling in disgust, the stranger stood back to their full height, switching quickly with a fake charming smile that practically mirrored his own, holding out their hand towards him “(S/N) (Last), (Name)’s older sibling. it’s nice to meet you”

Kaeya’s smile widened and despite the glare from you that was now focused on him, he shook your sibling's hand in-kind “Kaeya Alberich, (Name)’s partner-”

He made sure to tighten his grip with his last words “And Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonius”

Successfully, as he always was, Kaeya held back the smug, mocking grin that itched to climb onto his face when the neck of your sibling bobbed nervously, forehead reflecting the afternoon light as sweat gathered on their brow.

The man hadn’t obviously threatened them, surely, Kaeya was smarter than that, but then again, he could still present himself as a threat, a good one and well, his title was a menacing one when it came to the right moment. ‘Try anything and not only do I have the authority to kick your arse but the power to put you in a place many didn’t dare even step’ shortened into an innocent sentence with only 8 words.

“Cavalry Captain? That’s quite impressive” They laughed off, tugging away their hand awkwardly when Kaeya continued to keep a firm grip, his present eye focused solely on your siblings face. They glanced over to you “Quite an achievement for you, aye (Name)?”

You growled, “I’ll show you an achievement-”

Kaeya’s arm had wrapped around your waist not a second later, tugging you tighter to his side as the two of you turned, the man throwing your sibling a smile over his shoulder.

“As nice as it was to meet you, (S/B), we must be going”

And then without another word Kaeya dragged you away, heading in the direction of your home instead of Angel Share tavern, feeling your pure, unfiltered anger the whole way along with the citizens as they parted ways, rushing off from your rage.

It was only when you had returned to the sanctuary of your abode did you snap, jerking away from your boyfriend with angered strides and beginning your seething lecture towards him, moving up and down through the living room while he ventured off into the kitchen, grabbing 2 glasses and a bottle of wine.

“How dare you Kaeya! How fucking dare you! Do you have any idea what you were doing back there!? What was even happening back there!? So much for being the most observant man in Mondstadt because you seemed pretty dense to me the whole fucking time!” Your hands raked through your hair as you yelled, trying so hard to hold back the tears “I didn’t need your damn help, Kaeya! Nor did I fucking want it! Know to stay out of someone's business when it isn’t wanted!”

Logically you knew what he had done, you were smart like that and you knew Kaeya long enough to know what he was doing but your rage, fear and sadness blocked out everything in that moment, made you blind to reality, made you only think irrationally and Kaeya didn’t blame you for that. He could never blame you for that.

Though, it did hurt him to see you in this state.

“Wine?”

You gawked at him for a moment, staring at him with shock and confusion as he held out a wine glass towards you, another held in his other hand and a sweet smile plastered on his face, before your moment morphed into rage, grabbing the drink from his hand and tossing it towards the wall, the red wine splattering over the wallpaper and glass shards falling to the floor.

“Well, that was a waste-”

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Kaeya!?” You cried, not even bothering to hold back anymore as the tears fell and your voice cracked, hand pointing accusingly in his face “Is this some kind of joke to you!? Huh!? Am I a fool in your eyes!? Some sort of blubbering idiot!? Why must you- why do you-”

The second glass was placed on the dresser by you both, Kaeya’s hand coming to hold your cheek fondly while the other came to grab your hand that dangled in the air, still poised at him “I don’t think you're either of those, my dear, in fact, I think you’re one of the brightest in the whole of Teyvat, nevermind Mondstadt”

You hiccuped “Then why-”

Brushing away the wetness from your cheek, he brought your hand to his mouth to place a fond kiss on your palm “Because you mustn’t cry, (Name), don’t waste your tears on someone like them”

“I’m not crying, I’m-”

He shushed you gently and you finally relaxed, falling into his embrace with a heavy heart “-I’m not, I swear-”

Within the familiarity of your home, you wept in his arms, exhausted from the whirlwind of emotions and the scenes that had transpired that day, ready to just curl into yourself and try to block the flooding memories of history. Although, having Kaeya at that moment helped more than he could ever know, having him to rely on made it all so much easier to cope with that day.

“Tell me what ails you and I’ll listen” Brushing back some hair, he pressed a kiss to your head.

“Can..can we just stay like this for a while?”

“Of course, my dear”

Zhongli

He had sensed the incoming danger like it had been revealed in some sort of premonition. Maybe it had been a skill he had acquired after his long, eventful life, maybe it was his connection to Liyue and his citizens, but for some reason, as he sat before Iron Tongue Tian as the man recalled his tales of ancient Liyue like usual, Zhongli knew that the crowd that was forming around Wamin Restaurant had something that he need urgently attend, especially when even Tian paused his story to glance around the corner of the restaurant building to see the commotion.

When the archon had finally borne witness to the scene, he paused within the crowd, surveying the surroundings carefully. You were the centre of attention, along with another stranger, both glaring at one another with anger and disgust, though your own anger seemed to double compared to the other’s, seeing as your weapon was slowly materialising in your grip. Zhongli could also see Guild Master Lan making her way down the steps leading to the Guild reception, a worried expression on her face glancing between you and the approaching Millelith.

Zhongli made his decision, politely pushing through the crowd until he had finally made it by your side, hand being placed gently on your arm “(Name)?”

Both you and the stranger glanced at him, but he paid no mind to them, only held eye contact with you when Lan appeared by your other side, glaring at the stranger with a hardened gaze.

“Are you harassing my guild member?”

Before the stranger could respond, the Millelith had also popped in, glancing between you and them “Is there a problem?”

Zhongli had taken up your view when Lan began her take, she had borne witness for much longer than he had of course and he was certain that you were in no state to talk to the guards. Your eyes were glazed with hatred, pupils pinpricks in a sea of (E/C) and your hands were shaking, balled into fists.

If anything, he needed to try and calm you down first.

“Get the hell out of my way, Zhongli” Your teeth ground together, words shaking with anger “Don’t push yourself into my business”

“I’m sorry, my love, but I can’t do that” He tried brushing your cheek but you jerked away, glaring at his hand before glaring back at him, in no mood to be coddled “I don’t want you to do something you’d regret”

“Trust me, I won’t regret this one bit”

Zhongli held his tongue for the question that almost rolled out, knowing now wasn’t the time for inquiries when the stranger’s voice rang out, condescending and snarky as they addressed you.

“Still need people to protect you, aye (Name)? Of course, you’re still the same pathetic bitch from years ago”

You were lucky for your reputation around Liyue, for the picture of the kind and caring adventurer that had swept through the town from your years of living here because had it not been for that, you pushing aside your boyfriend and materialising your weapon to aim it at your sibling’s throat would have had you in cuffs that instant.

Lan grabbed you, tugging you away as you screamed “I’ll show you pathetic you fucker! Let me go!”

The Millelith didn’t wait to drag your sibling away, much to their cries of dismay, one sending Lan a nod while you continued to fight against her, crying out in frustration.

“Kid, you have to calm down-”

“Calm down!? No! Get the hell off me!”

Zhongli watched as you finally broke away, huffing and puffing up a storm before glancing amongst the crowd, staring at their worried and concerned faces, your own eyes tearing up before you looked away pushing past the crowd to find somewhere to be alone.

When Lan went to call out for you, Zhongli raised his hand, the two sharing a look before the archon made his way after you, his longer legs keeping a steady pace to which he could catch up to you, just beyond the bridge that led into Liyue Harbour. There were no people where you stood, just the lush green plants and great mountains of nature, a perfect place for you to let out your frustration without the prying eyes of the citizens.

“(Name)-”

“Leave me alone!” You cried, curling into yourself with your back turned to him “I don’t want you here, Zhongli! Nor did I want you back there! I didn’t need your or anyone else's help!”

You knew he was here from a place of concern, and deep down you begged that your words didn’t harm him in any way, but currently, you didn’t care, you didn’t want to care, you just wanted to be numb, numb to the flashbacks of your horrid past and numb to the feelings that were dragged along with them.

“My love, please, return with me to our home, I will brew some calming tea-”

“Tea? Tea!? Does it look like I want any fucking tea?! I couldn’t care any less about some fucking tea, Zhongli!” Spinning around on your heels, you scowled at him, not bothering to hide your rushing tears “Don’t you get it!? I want to be left alone, I-”

Two gloved hands gently encased your face, your angered expression morphing into one of shock as your partner stared down at you with glowing eyes filled with a deep-rooted love, affection, worry and so much more that you couldn’t put into mere mortal words. At that moment, everything felt as if it had melted away, only you and him were in this world, nothing else, just the two of you.

And you felt as though your heart had been lifted from the pressures of this life.

“I do not think it is best for you to be left alone” His baritone voice was always so calming, so serene and in your sane moment, you finally felt its effects “I wish to stay with you, so please, let me stay”

With a whimper, you grabbed onto his forearms and leaned your face into his hands, tears continuing to fall as your eyes fluttered shut “Okay…”

“They have hurt you deeply, haven’t they?”

Hesitantly, you nodded.

“Would you be so kind as to tell me the details?”

“I-...” Sharing eye contact once again, you whispered “Can- can you just...hold me for now? Please”

Moving his hands from your face, he engulfed you in his arms, leaning his head against yours “Of course”

Childe

The Harbinger had just left the Northland Bank, hell, he was just about to make his way down the spiral staircase but when hearing the commotion, he paused, something in his gut telling him to check just before and he was glad he did.

Glancing over the elevated walkway, he felt a fiery pit roar in the depths of his stomach, eyes narrowing dangerously at the scene; you were snarling in some other person’s face, their own face nothing short of disgust and a crowd that only seemed to grow by the minute.

Who the hell did this person think they were? Did they even know who you were? To stand so close to you, with a look of threat on their face like you weren’t about to kick their arse? Like he wasn’t about to kick their arse? How did this insignificant speck of dross not know your connections with him, the 11th Harbinger? Or did he know and was just trying his luck?

“Seems like someone has a death wish” And a death wish they had indeed.

Ignoring the perplexed glance from his subordinate stationed outside the building's entrance, Childe made his way down the steps, murderous look stitched on the whole way to the circle of civilians, the mass parting ways for the man that was Tartaglia and continuing to watch the moment in silence.

“Who the hell are you-” You both turned towards him, you in shock while the stranger stared in confusion until Childe’s hand wrapped around their collar, tugging them closer to look down at them with a deep-rooted disgust “-And why the hell are you harassing my partner?”

They fought against him, obviously, they did, but the surprise came when you saddled up next to him, grabbing his arm “Stay out of this, Tartaglia”

What? It hadn't been your request, no, you were always one to finish your whole fights you weren't "A damsel in distress after all!" no, you were so much more, so much greater but that look on your face, murderous and downright cruel- he just couldn't believe his ears.

Childe stared at you in shock while the stranger struggled, throwing him a dirty look in their attempts “Yeah, this is between my sibling and I”

Childe straightened in surprise, feeling embarrassment flood his system. Had he seriously just grabbed and threatened his lover’s family member? Oh, Archons, his judgement had been clouded by anger at the look of the scene, I mean, why would your sibling look at you that way-

“But it’s really no surprise that you still need to be babied, (Name), how shameful”

His eyes widened but not a moment later had you tackled your sibling, the crowd crying out in alarm as you threw back your fist and crushed their nose under the weight of your punch. “I’ll show you fucking shameful, bastard!”

There was shouting and a glance showed the oncoming Millelith marching towards the circle.

Being Fatui always did garner the attention of the guards nowadays, especially for him, who had tried to lure out the attention of their Archon by summoning an ancient god that nearly drowned the entirety of the harbour, so it was no surprise that they seemed to hurry in the pursuit when they noticed his appearance at the scene. However, lucky for him, your reputation as a great adventurer preceded you and throughout Liyue you were seen as a trusted and well-liked individual, meaning whatever trouble you got in, containing his meddling or not, was usually waved away due to the trust of the people.

So, without another thought, Childe tugged you off of your bloodied sibling and held you close, even as you thrashed violently, shouting at him to let you go.

“What is going on here?” A guard called, slamming the hilt of his polearm into the ground as he surveyed the area, eyes landing on the sibling before following the small trail of blood to you, still fighting against your boyfriend with threats falling from your lips “Was there a reason for this brawl? Who started it?”

As your sibling raised themselves on their forearms, they scowled and opened their mouth to respond, only for Childe to put in. “It was them, sir, they were the one that started it, (Name) was merely acting in self-defence”

The Millelith scowled at him, raising a brow and once again looking you over “Is that so?”

He addressed the crowd soon after “Is this what happened?”

And as expected, they all glanced over the sibling, then to you and piped up in agreement. It paid to be a hero, it seemed, the whole harbour returning the favour of years of helping out the community.

“If that’s the case, please come with us” The sibling cried out, anger and fear laced into their voice, trying to argue for their innocence only for the guards to grab them, hauling them away to archons know where while Childe did the same with you, slowly dragging you away from the scene and back into the bank, you screaming and cursing the whole way until you had made it to his office, finally managing to push him off and storming to the opposite side of the room practically seething.

“Who the hell do you think you are, Tartaglia!?” You cried, throwing out your arms in exaggeration “I didn’t need your fucking help! And why the fuck would you pull me off them!? I had them right where I wanted them and you fucking did that! Are you a moron!?”

“You had a sibling” He breathed, watching as you began to pace, muttering in an angered state “And you didn’t tell me”

“-after all these years I finally had the chance to end their pathetic excuse of a life and you just got in my fucking way! I’d waited too long for this moment and you fucking ruined it! How dare you, how fucking dare you-”

“(Name), why didn’t you tell me you had a sibling!?” He cried, walking up to you and grabbing your wrist to stop you “I was ready to kill them right there! And why are you talking about them like this!? They’re your family aren’t they-”

“They are not my fucking family!”

The scream echoed through the room, chilling Childe to the core as you ripped your arm from his grasp, running your hands through your hair before gripping it so tightly it felt close to being ripped from your head. But you didn’t care, no, you couldn’t, you were so angry and you needed something to keep you grounded, to keep yourself from losing yourself and getting lost in those haunting past memories.

The Harbinger felt his chest squeeze painfully as the tears fell down your face, red rimming your eyes and cheeks wet as you sobbed, chest heaving from trying to breathe “Family takes care of you! Family thinks of you in the highest light possible! They love you for who you are and they love you no matter what! That bastard hurt me, made me feel worthless and they refuse to believe they could do no wrong and I hate them! They are the bane of my existence! They are not my fucking family! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I-”

Arms were around you instantly, Childe’s face pressed into your hair as you wept, grasping onto the lapels of his suit and shoving your face into his chest to muffle your cries.

“I’m sorry” He whispered, his own eyes shining slightly “I’m sorry, I was being insensitive. Please, don’t cry”

“No, I’m not crying, I promised myself I wouldn’t-” You hiccuped “I wouldn’t waste any more tears on them-”

Then you broke off into more wails, your boyfriend holding you close and letting you continue to cry in his arms, warm and comforting until you were finally reduced to whimpers, leaning into him heavily as the remaining adrenaline in your body began to wear thin when he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Will...will you tell me about it?”

You sniffed “Later...just hold me for now, please, Ajax...”

His arms tightened protectively “Anything for you, my love”

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact imagine #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact diluc x reader #diluc x reader #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact kaeya x reader #kaeya x reader #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact zhongli x reader #zhongli x reader #genshin impact childe #genshin impact childe x reader #childe x reader #genshin impact tartaglia #genshin impact tartaglia x reader #tartaglia x reader

465 notes · View notes

coinandcandle · 2 years

Note

Hey! I’m a bit of a novice witch (Finally learned the bare basics, phew that was alot of reading.) and had a small question, what are the different types of altars? Im aware they’re is deity altars but overheard some girls calling their crystal shelves altars.

I adore your page and it has helped me tons on my mountain of research to do!

XOXO <3

Howdy~!

First of all, thank you so much for your sweet words <3 I'm happy if my page can help people further their own research!!

Honestly this may not be the answer you're looking for but the possibilities for types of altars are kind of...infinite? in a sense.

I say this because the common definition of an altar is that it's a table or surface (i.e. a shelf) that is dedicated to some sort of religious or spiritual practice, often where offerings or sacrifices would take place.

This definition is slightly different in most modern witch circles, but the idea is the same: It's where you place your witchy stuff or do witchy things.

So while there are altars for deities, as you mentioned, many witches also have their own personal altars that they use in their practice! In this case, it's likely a place where they might burn incense, make spells, prepare ingredients, use divination tools, and so much more.

Of course it would be wrong of me not to mention that in some cultures, as well as some folk's personal practices, people will have altars set up for loved ones who have passed. This can be used as a way to honor them or keep their spirit alive. These can look similar to how you think a deity altar would look, often with a photo of the loved one and perhaps an offering like incense or food.

There are digital altars as well for those who don't have the space, time, or energy to have physical altars. I don't have one since I am lucky enough to have two shelves dedicated to each of the deities I follow, but I think they're a wonderful idea! Though I know that there are other tumblr witches who have delved into that area of altars, so feel free to comment links below if you have a posts on digital altars.

Basically: In modern witchcraft an altar is a place for witches to work their magic or are used to place offerings meant for metaphysical beings; gods, spirits, demons, (whatever you fancy).

The things to place on your altar are entirely up to you and should be based on your intuition and your own craft, though asking for guidance from other witches or taking inspiration from other witches is encouraged especially for newer witches.

Some of the more common items are:

Candles

Iconography of the deity or spirit the altar is dedicated to (if there is one) such as a statue, painting, drawing, etc.

Crystals or metals

Some sort of cup, bowl, or any container that can hold liquid for libations

Incense holder

Anything you would like to offer to the deity or spirit if there is one

If it's a workbench-type altar, you can put herbs, oils, or other objects you may often use in your practice

I will say that it would be a little strange to me that these folks considered a shelf of crystals an altar if they are using those shelves as storage but of course there could be more to it than that and we just don't have that context.

You altar can be whatever you make it, it's like a work bench for witches!

I hope this was helpful, I know sometimes with answers like this it leaves you with more questions. If you have anymore go ahead and send them my way and I will try to answer them to the best of my abilities or I will give you the resources needed to learn on your own! :)

#altars #altar #types of altar #witchcraft #witchy ask #ask me #witch

33 notes · View notes

popopretty · 4 years

Text

Storm Bringer Spoilers (4)

Another part from CODE;04, before the final battle, where I think Dazai actually showed some genuine concerns for Chuuya. It is interesting to read. I generally enjoy it when Dazai acts more human like this.

Feel free to re-translate it if you want. Just remember that I am not fluent in either English or Japanese and there might be mistakes here and there.

...

Deeper into the night. The destruction’s footstep is approaching the city.

The entrance of the highway on the outskirt of the city was crushed by the Demonic Beast Guivre. The bridge that supports the road, the direction signs, the median strips in the middle, all crushed in an instant. It happened so fast that hardly any sound was made. The passing vehicles witnessed that. They ignored the lane and turned around to run away. The Demon Beast turned towards them and spat out gravity lines. All the vehicles disappeared without a trace. Together with their entire surroundings.

Chuuya and Dazai gazed at the Demon Beast Guivre that was approaching them like that.

The place they were standing was on top of a large spherical gas storage tank. That was a tank set up in the suburbs to store gas for the city. Its top workbench is even higher than the skyscrapers around the area. They can see the face of the beast waking fast towards them in almost the same horizontal level.

“I guess it is about 30 minutes until Yokohama downtown is turned into a mess.” Dazai idly said while looking at the beast.

“That’s not something we are going to see.” Chuuya said, holding the hat in his hand. “By that time we have already either blown away that thing, or died.”

“Gosh, no way! Double-suiciding with Chuuya is the worst. For once, let’s do it seriously.”

“Fine by me. I don’t feel like dying either. I still have to become an executive before you and order you around.”

“Oh? That’s quite some confidence you’ve got there. That jewelry business? I heard it’s going well?”

“The like of you will never be able to catch up. Our jewelry distribution channel, including carriers, pawnbrokers and appraisers, is number one in Yokohama.”

“Yeah, I know that. I was in charge of that before Chuuya took over, that’s why.”

“What?”, Chuuya looked at Dazai, surprised. “That means the first person who set up that distribution channel was actually you???”

“Leave that for now. It is about time it comes within striking distance.” Dazai pointed ahead with his chin. The foot steps of the Demonic Beast Guivre got closer. Its crimson eyes looked straight at them. Chuuya gazed at the beast for a while, then he looked up and shouted.

“Dazai’s used stuff! hand-me-down, huh?”

“Whatever.”

The giant beast trampled on the roadside trees and tore down the power lines. The signboards and abandoned bicycles were lifted off the ground as a result of gravity anomaly and crushed into tiny dust in the air.

”Remembered the plan?”

“Yeah.”

Chuuya and Dazai stood side by side, facing the giant beast. Their clothes fluttered under the high wind.

“What you have to keep in mind is that this plan is not foolproof. We don’t know what is going to happen. After all, we are going to hit the Demonic Beast Guivre with Arahabaki. I won’t be surprised even if the world is blown away.”

“Like it will!” Chuuya said. “Verlaine survived such thing nice years ago.”

The plan Dazai came up with.

In that plan, Chuuya would open his “gate” and hit the giant beast with Arahabaki’s infinite energy.

“We already know the method to open Chuuya’s “gate”. It’s the control spell that N has said: “Oh grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again”. With that, the sealing command will be reset. We will not be able to open the “gate” just by doing that, but that hat will help us.”

The hat that Chuuya was holding was the one that Verlaine had worn. That was gifted to him by Rimbaud, with a piece of ability metal embedded inside. With that, the person who wears it, in this case Chuuya, would be able control the “gate” by his will. Verlaine being able to freely open the “gate” by himself and using the Black Hole power, were all thanks to that hat.

“It’s almost time. Chuuya will jump from here, open the “gate” in front of that monster, and hit it with the power.” Dazai lifted the radio with one hand while looking at the beast. “So I’m going to send an order to my men to prepare for action… Is that okay?”

“Of course it is okay.” Chuuya turned to Dazai. “Why are you asking me such a thing?”

Dazai didn’t answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It’s like he was trying to say something, but had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression that Dazai rarely shows.

“There is one problem.” Dazai cut off the sentence hesitantly. “It has nothing to do with the success rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... it may require some time to decide.“

“What’s with you?”, Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. “Stop dramatizing it. Hurry up and say it”

“I said earlier about the control spell to open the “gate”. That is used to reset the command formula inside Chuuya, right?” Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. “If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will also be erased. That means…. even if the memory erasure command was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well.”

“What?”

“I told you before right, the “memory erasure command”. The only way to confirm if Chuuya is a human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means…” Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. “If we use that control spell, the method to confirm whether Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good.”

The time stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and turned towards Dazai, but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

“Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not.” Dazai took out his pocket watch, gave it a glance then continued. “I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order to my men to wait… You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess it’s hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around.”

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked towards the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai’s eyes were fixed on the his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn’t afford more than that.

Inside Dazai’s head, he was planning the procedure to switch to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounds like the metal was kicked by the sole of someone’s shoes. The moment he realized what that sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

“Trying to act cool, huh?”, Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned to his radio and sent out his order. “Chuuya has sallied. Everyone, get ready for battle.”

....

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #storm bringer #spoilers #bsd spoilers #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya

544 notes · View notes

pukanavis · 3 years

Text

Technoroid Main story: Chapter 1 Part 1 “An Unexpected Encounter”

Denta: Heya, everyone! Welcome to Japan’s biggest entertainment tower, “Babel”!

I’m the Navi AI “Denta”! It’s nice to meet both you and your friends!

ー”Babel” is the symbol of a new era and a new paradise! It’s the tower of intellect where hope and aspiration intersect!

Today we have more “Climbers” aiming to reach the top! What could it be that lies at the summit? Is it a dream!? Is it an illusion!?

Whether you want to participate or just watch, Babel is always waiting for new friends!

We’re accepting new participants 24/7 down in the Climber’s Lobby!

Ah, also! Denta-kun official goods are being sold at all hours of the day too! Buy Now!

♡　♡　♡

Alto: ーSensei…! Esora-Sensei!

Esora: Alto, are you keeping up?

Alto: Y-Yes! This place is surprisingly complicated…

Esora: That’s due to Babel’s intricate construction. It’s easy to get lost backstage if you aren’t familiar with it.

Alto: Definitely. If I didn’t have you here, Sensei, I would have gotten lost immediately…

…

Esora: Alto?

Alto: Even here, you can still hear people singing…it’s very busy.

Thank you, once again. I know it's a big favour to ask for, yet you still let me come along...

Esora: Is this is your first time at “Babel”?

Alto: No, I’ve been here a number of times as a member of the audience, but I’ve never gone behind the scenes like this before…

I was really surprised to find out you had a staff pass for “Babel”, Sensei.

Esora: It’s no big deal. I’m just the exclusive engineer for certain Climbers. It's not as if I'm a part of the administration or anything.

Alto: But that alone is incredible too! Not only are you a world-class figure in the world of robotics…

You’re also the exclusive technician for “Babel’s” Top Climbers, “STAND-ALONE”...!

Esora: You speak too highly of me. Those guys are the incredible ones, not me.

Anyhow, we should hurry along. You’re here to study today, correct?

Alto: Of course! As your star pupil, I'll make good use of this opportunity to watch you work up close!

♡　♡　♡

Alto: Ah, Sensei? …Esora-Sensei?

Oh dear…I’ve really gotten myself lost. I need to find him quickly…!

I’ll use my smart device…ah! It’s out of charge…

♡　♡　♡

Alto: This is…a storage warehouse? It’s dark, I can barely seeー

Alto: …!! These are androids…!?

Dialogue Option: "What are they doing here?"

Alto: What’re they doing at the back of a warehouse…? Hmm, actually…

…They’re in quite good shape…

If they’re just out-of-order…I wonder if I could fix them.

(Agh, no no, what am I thinking? I shouldn’t touch things without permission!)

(I don’t have the time for this in the first place…)

…But maybe I can just have a little look…

Besides…Esora-Sensei would never neglect a broken android…!

It’s strange. It doesn't look like there's anything wrong with them, and yet…

Why aren’t they booting up? I’ll try sending them another signal.

(Stay calm…focus, focus. I passed my Repair Technician exam last year so I should be able to do this.)

(...Esora-Sensei…)

(When he’s focused, he tends hums to himself. He said it helps with maintaining his compsure.)

(If it’s something I’ve learned from him, then surelyー)

…~♪

???: !

Alto: Uwah!? They activated all of a sudden…!?

???: …

Alto: Are you alright? Can you understand me?

???: …?

Alto: …Uhh.

Oh, that’s right, names! Could you tell me your names?

Cobalt: Unique identifierー CO-0728HS/ Cobalt.

Chrom: CR-0904HS/ Chrom.

Kei: SI-0111HS/ Kei

Neon: NE-0419HS/ Neon

Alto: My name is Alto. Why were the four of you inactive in a place like this?

Cobalt: …I don’t…know…

Alto: You don’t know…? You're saying you don’t remember…?

(Perhaps something has malfunctioned in their memory space? Anyhow, I can’t efficiently investigate here…I need to find Esora-Sensei…!)

If that’s the case, I know an incredible technician. Let’s try asking him to examine you!

We'll go speak with him…it’s just, I don’t know where he is…

Cobalt: …?

Alto: Hmm~ the least we could do is head out to the lobby.

Cobalt: Lobby…? Babel.

Alto: Eh, what!? Where are you all going!?

W-Wait~!

♡　♡　♡

Alto: …We've made it to the lobby without any issues…

Cobalt: …

Alto: I think we’ll be able to meet up with Esora-Sensei soon from here. This way, everyone.

Navi Denta: 【Warning】Urgent message from the Bronze Climb Stage, VR Audience 16.

Alto: Huh?

Cobalt: …?

Navi Denta: Unable to confirm preparation for registered participant “Mechanica Metallica”.

3 minutes until the performance commences. If the scheduled time is not met then the unit in question will receive an automatic disqualification. The entry fee will be forfeited.

Alto: (Looks like the Climbers haven’t shown up for some reason. I wonder if something happened…?)

Anyhow…everyone! We need to find Esora-Sensei quicklyー

Navi Denta: 【Accept】Arrival of【４】particpants confirmed. I will show you to the stage.

Alto: Huh, what’re you doingー!?

Cobalt: Babel…stage…

We’re…at Babel…!

Alto: …!

…I couldn’t stop them…

(Just now…it looked as if his eyes were saying “I want to join”…)

♡　♡　♡

Navi Denta: Preparation complete. “Mechanica Metallica” the stage is yours.

Cobalt: ーThat’s wrong…

Navi Denta: ? The registration data says “Metallic Hollic” by “Mechanica Metallica”ー

Chrom: I…

Kei: We…

Neon: …Our song, isー

Cobalt: ー"IDempty"

(They begin to perform)

The 4 of them: ー!!

Alto: ーSuch a rating at a Bronze…it’s incredible…!

This is the kind of performance you’d see from a Top Climber…!

Cobalt: …

…Huh?

♡　♡　♡

Cobalt: Ah…

Alto: Well done, everyone! That was fantastic!

Cobalt: Ah, you think so? Thanks! I don’t really get what’s going on though!

Alto: !?

Kei: My memory space doesn’t seem to be working right…where am I? What am I doing here?

Chrom: Hm. From the looks of it, it appears that we’re at an entertainment facility. A notably large one, at that.

Neon: …What a pain.

Alto: (A-Aren’t they acting completely different from earlier…!?)

Um…Cobalt?

Cobalt: Yep, that’s me! Hey, how’d you know my name?

Alto: Ah, you told me earlier…but more importantly!

You guys are the same four people that were on stage…right? Aren’t you acting differently…?

The 4 of them:...

Cobalt: …Was that a thing I did?

Kei: I don’t recall…

Chrom: It appears that we’ve been operating on a half-sleep mode. It’s similar to what humans refer to as “sleepwalking”, correct?

Neon: …Really, what a pain. I wanna sleep…

(Neon falls to the ground)

Cobalt: Ah, Neon! You can’t sleep here~!

Alto: …Eh.

Ehhh~...!?

#technoroid

20 notes · View notes

inknopewetrust · 4 years

Note

Hey, I was wondering if i could request either javier peña or din djarin ship/x reader oneshot type thing? Mostly just (one of) them comforting reader who has really low confidence and doesn't believe they are good at anything. x x

Little Miss Perfect

Pairing: Javier Peña x Fem!Reader

Word Count:1.3k

Warnings: language. Don’t doubt your abilities loves–you are more than capable of doing anything you set your mind to.

A/N: thanks for the request Anon! Sorry for the long wait, these things just take a bit of time! Ah, how I missed writing for Javi. Did you know Javi was the first character that mustered up a following for me on here? Now, nearly 1000 followers later, here I am still writing for him. I felt this request would work best with him :)

“Shit!”

It was either the loud yell or the slamming of the telephone that caught Javi’s attention, he wasn’t sure which had come first. At the desk across from him, Steve sat disengaged from your internal struggles that were beginning to bleed out into the small office you all shared and diagonal from him, you had your head being cradled by your hands in frustration.

Javier kicked Steve’s shin from under the desk and with an audible “ow,” Steve gave Javier a look of disdain. The thumb pointed in your direction changed his demeanor from one of annoyance to one of concern.

“You alright, L/n?” Steve set down the report he had been reading to focus his attention onto you, but you didn’t look him in the eyes to answer, just mumbled a barely heard:

“No.”

He didn’t push any further, but it had to have been something serious to have you react in a way that made Javier concerned. If there was anything to know about you, it was that everything you ever did–whether it be work, play, or what not, you always put in 100% effort. When the reactions to your work were less than spectacular, a depression-like slump followed because it wasn’t what you were hoping for. You strived to have your superiors and partners know that you were the best person for the job and when you failed on occasion, it stung like a sting from a hornet.

“No... No, I’m not alright. I’m not fucking alright!” The burst came out of nowhere and startled the two men. It got even worse when you rose from the seat and practically ran out of the office with your jacket, the chair spinning rapidly in your wake.

“What the fuck was that about!?” Steve asked Javier with an exasperated gaze, but Javier didn’t know the answer. He thought he could deduce the reaction to the problem, except he was never certain in his abilities to read your physical reactions. Neither man readied themselves to follow immediately. Though after a few minutes, it was Javier who made the effort to find you and get to the bottom of your obvious despair.

Not in the courtyard and not in the smoking room. There was no sign of you in the file room, printing room, with the CIA guys and gals, or with Noonan. Based on Noonan’s dismissal of Javier, Javi was sure the conversation that was had between the two of you is what made you so upset.

It wasn’t until he got down to the bottom floor and into storage that he smelt the distinct smell of camel cigarettes filled his senses and he followed it down the dimly lit aisles of boxes filled with completed files. Down the one labeled G-J, you were sat against the rack with a few burnt cigarettes on the ground. Javier’s footsteps were not quiet, so you knew he was there when he turned down the aisle.

“Come to gloat for Carrillo? He fucked us all over.”

“It’s not your fault we didn’t catch him alive.” Javi told you and sat down across from you. One of his legs bent up towards his body and the other stretched out just enough where it rested itself on the other side of your foot. You handed the cigarette out to him which he gladly took from you.

“It’s always on my account. Noonan always thinks it’s my fault and I just can’t convince anyone that I’m good at this. Every time we get close to catching one of them, they die or go MIA or I don’t know... fly off to Mars.”

“Mars? Shooting a little high there, don’t you think?” The smirk on his face was welcoming but you were still angry at that fact that everything you did was never good enough for the DEA.

“Why don’t they get angry at you and Steve? Why is it always me?”

“You think you’re the only person who gets chewed out around here?” You shrugged at him but the foot that had been resting beside yours tapped it harshly. You looked at Javi with a helpless face.

“Noonan isn’t a field agent. She doesn’t understand why Carrillo made the call, but he shouldn’t have. That was your member to catch.”

“And it’s my fault that he’s dead!?”

“I didn’t say that.” Javier handed the cigarette back to you and you took a long, much needed drag before restarting the conversation.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to be ridiculous about it.”

“You’re not being ridiculous. Not many women would have the gall to even take up a field job here and let alone be good at it. Noonan’s position was handed to her... she doesn’t know what we’re dealing with out there.”

“But it doesn’t mean that she isn’t right. Every time I got a lead something would happen to change the course. That isn’t what they look for in agents so what is keeping me here? Optics?”

Javier shook his head and furrowed his brows. Since the moment you stepped off the plane in Colombia, you’ve been nothing but a valuable asset to their efforts in catching Escobar. Every piece of information that you provided was essential and that is why they had put you on Gustavo Gaviria’s case in the first place. If it weren’t for Carrillo, you would have had him in American handcuffs right now but operations weren’t easy when five different departments of justice are fighting the same fight. You were a brilliant co-worker, a great person, and more than capable to be here working with him and Steve.

“Don’t say that...you are one of the best agents we have.”

“Not everyone thinks that way, Javi.”

“Well I do, and I know Steve does too. Plus, the CIA guys and the girls that work in the office, they know how hard you work. AND! I’ve never seen a woman kick as much ass as you do when we go out on the field. Anyone who doubts a woman who has no qualms about holding a gun to your head should be terrified in their assumption.”

You scoffed but it was enough to draw a little smile at the corner of your mouth so Javier knew he was getting somewhere. He was cracking the façade even if some of those thoughts would return from time to time. It wasn’t often agents were praised for their good work, so he took the chance to do it for you in a moment of need.

“Do you remember the night we had to survey the bar where there was that shootout?” You nodded in remembrance and he continued with a story that you could have predicted.

“You were the only one to think of-”

“I know, I know.” you shrugged off the surging compliment of a good days work but Javier shook his head and laughed. It was a laugh of sheer lack of understanding as to why you wouldn’t want to hear compliments.

“You deserve to be recognized for your work. Noonan might not see it but we all do here. Here is where it matters and on the field and when you go home at night and see the positive impacts on the news. When this is all over and you return to the States, wherever you end up, those people are always going to remember you for the good deeds you’ve done here.”

“You’re a good man, Javi. You know that right?”

There was a shared, true smile between the two of you in that moment.

“I think some people would disagree but if you say so, then I’ll think it.”

“I’ll remember that mantra the next time I don’t think I belong here.”

With that, Javier helped pick up the burnt nubs of cigarettes from the floor and together you returned to the office where you would help make a difference and remember that the two people who matter most to your job thought of you as essential to the process. For that, you would be forever thankful for.

#Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal one shot #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x oc #pedro pascal x you #javier peña #javier peña one shot #javier peña imagine #javier peña x reader #javier peña pairing #javier pena x you #javier peña x you #narcos fanfic #Narcos Netflix #narcos

183 notes · View notes

wordstro · 3 years

Text

[11:26 AM] + hero/villain au + "you think he'll stop? after what he did to you?" + part 6

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 masterlist

2k, hongjoong's pov for the first half but it goes back to y/n's! warnings for lots of cursing lol

kim hongjoong felt responsible for you. he'd seen you around when he was younger, but he hadn't truly known you until years after the Incident. you lived three streets down from him, near the park with the hydrangeas. he remembered this because he spent time in that park often with his parents, and later his friends. it was the best spot to hide whenever he and his friends wanted to smoke or drink before a party, or if he wanted to spend time alone with a date.

neither of you ran in the same circles. hongjoong smoked cigarettes behind the school next to broken CCTV cameras. you kept to your small circle and he never saw you at parties. hongjoong only cared about his music classes. you cared about your classes so much, you even went to supplementary after school classes. he hadn't known much about you in high school, aside from the fact that some time in ninth grade you were teased briefly for your tattered shoes. he never cared enough to find out if that escalated any further.

when hongjoong turned sixteen, he was used to screaming matches with his parents. he wasn't used to his powers. they came one day all at once, bursting from him one morning. he'd touched his toothbrush and it disappeared. he hadn't thought much of it that morning, assuming he had been severely hungover and dropped his toothbrush somewhere. but, when he came home late that night and his parents confronted him for missing classes, his emotions burst from him. he never knew what they had said to him in that moment, he only felt a rush in his ears and the feeling that his heart was attempting to burst out of his chest. when he woke up in an unfamiliar white room surrounded by people in white hazmat suits, he was told he wiped out his entire town.

when he returned to the spot where his home should have stood, after months of government-issued rehabilitation, all that was left was a crater where his hometown once was and his inability to figure out where the hell he put them. dimensional storage, he learned, was his power. he ran himself into the fucking ground trying to figure out which dimension he sent everyone.

his mentor insisted he go to university, try to live a life outside of trying to redeem himself, try to be happy. he'd obliged only because he respected his mentor. he didn't think it possible because he basically killed an entire town. hundreds upon hundreds of people. and that burden would live on his shoulders forever.

when he saw you in his first year calculus class, wearing the same tattered shoes he remembered you were teased for, he knew he had to speak to you.

you told him what happened, how you went to seoul for a supplementary class, and you'd missed the last bus home and had to spend the night at an overnight bathhouse. when you returned everything was gone. your parents, your home, every single thing was gone and all that was left was a giant crater filled with rubble. from there on out, you were left to fend for yourself.

"it was you, wasn't it?" you asked him, a few months later.

hongjoong tried to deny it, but you'd spent enough time with him to see past his facades. you'd leveled him with a frown and said, "i spent years trying to figure out what the fuck happened that night. the internet has everything, joong. besides, you and i are the only survivors."

hongjoong would always remember the guilt that lay heavy on his shoulders as he looked at you. he'd spent enough time with you to learn the consequences of his actions. you lost everything because of him. you'd gone hungry often and never quite had a home since that night. even now you worked multiple jobs to pay for university classes. because of him.

"it was an accident." he began, and to his surprise you didn't grow angry. you only sat and listened. it was more than he deserved.

when he disclosed his powers to you, you'd only picked up a rock off the ground, crushed it in your hands, showed him the dusty remnants, and said, "i assumed that was it. mine's not as cool as yours though."

from that day onwards, he felt responsible for you. he refused to let your applications to the hero-villain alliance go through. perhaps it wasn't his call to make, but he could not live with himself if you got hurt on the job because of him. not again.

eventually, he gave in, when he realized just how rundown you'd become from your multiple jobs and how often you spent weeks on his couch while searching for cheaper apartments, when he realized it wasn't his place to make such decisions for you. so he made a few calls, had your application bumped up, and made seonghwa, yunho, san, mingi, jongho, yeosang, and wooyoung swear they would not let you get hurt on the job.

it worked, until a year ago.

until he pulled you from the rubble and took in the burns wooyoung left on your neck.

until he had to face you in battle, your eyes looking right through him as he tried to speak sense into you.

until now.

"what the hell are they doing here?" san grits out the words, his gaze narrowing as he stares at the camera footage in front of him, at you standing at the front door of the alliance, your back ramrod straight and your knocking incessant.

hongjoong drags a hand through his hair, "we should let them in."

"and what if they go berserk on us the moment we do?" san bites out.

"what else are we supposed to do?" hongjoong turns a glare on san, "shoot them on sight?"

"maybe that's the best course of action."

"you don't believe that," yunho's voice is quiet, but it rings between them, his kind eyes on san.

san does not meet his gaze.

"just," hongjoong takes a deep breath, "get the chains, mingi. tranquilizers, too. hopefully, they cooperate. yunho, tell taeil to scout outwards up to radius five in case they're a decoy for someone else."

san stiffens at that. hongjoong just squeezes san's shoulder as he steps around him, "we outnumber them right now. don't worry."

"i'm not worried," san mutters, but his shoulders relax under hongjoong's touch.

hongjoong takes a deep breath as he approaches the door, the months and months of guilt that had accumulated while you were gone heavy on his shoulders.

~.~.~.~.~

you wake up to a bright light and the inability to move a single inch. your breath catches in your throat and you think, oh god, is this eunwoo's lab? and your chest feels tight with the thought, the very idea that you did manage to escape, that maybe you dreamt yeosang helping you escape, or wooyoung made due with his promise and has left you in eunwoo's clutches to do whatever experimentation he's wanted to do to you or -

"woah there, hey, it's okay."

the deep voice is familiar. kind. the touch on your arm is not cold like eunwoo's. you blink away your confusion, and your heart flips at the familiar face.

"mingi?" your voice cracks.

mingi smiles, but before he can say anything, the door behind him swings open and in walks san, his expression fixed into a tight glare. yunho eyes you warily, and he keeps a distance you don't blame him for. hongjoong enters last. his gaze flits over your form, assessing you quickly as he used to do. you've missed them. even as you assess your own situation, understand that you are strapped to a chair the same way you were when wooyoung and yeosang first kidnapped you, the relief swirling in your chest makes you want to cry.

you open your mouth to say something, anything, but you have no idea what to say. the guilt and fear and relief creates a lump in your throat you can't move past. you can't even remember the awful things you must have done to them. the distance makes you want to disappear.

hongjoong steps close, crouching in front of you, his gaze searching yours, and he simply says, "explain."

you tell him everything.

~.~.~.~.~

hongjoong drags a hand through his hair, "that's...a lot."

san hovers close, and though his hostility has lessened it's still there, still so potent, but you understand it because you'd watched him act that way before wooyoung and yeosang took you.

san's face is inches from yours, "how do we know you weren't ordered to come here?"

"you don't," you say, "but i left that pouch on purpose and yeosang risked his life to get me out of there and...and my word is all i can give you. i know -"

san cuts you off, "how do we know you won't try to finish the job the moment you're set free? i watched you kill those people, y/n." he jabs a finger against your chest and you wince when he touches the injection bruises, "that was all fucking you. how do we know what's going to come out the moment we test the words you gave us? how can you guarantee our safety in all this?"

his tone is accusing, and it only makes you feel worse. you glance at yunho, mingi, and hongjoong, but neither of them step towards you. only yunho looks away, closing his eyes.

"i don't know, i'm sorry," your voice breaks. the thought of having lost their trust and not being able to fix it breaks your heart.

"crying isn't going to help," san grits out, though he does step back a little.

"san, stop it," yunho pushes san's shoulder, dabbing at your face with a handful of tissues, his gloved hands noticeably hesitant. still, he powers through, frowning between you and san, "you don't need to be so hard on them."

"yes, i do," san snaps, "one of us needs to be hard on them, and i know it's not going to be any of you. i'm not letting us go through the same shit all over again."

you drop your eyes to the floor and yunho lets out an audible sigh, "hongjoong, please tell him to lay off."

you look up, meeting hongjoong's gaze for a long moment. his eyes are heavy with the same kind of guilt you've seen on him since the day you met him. an existential, bone-deep guilt you know he will always feel when he sees you. you remind him of his past, of his moment of weakness, of everything terrible he's ever done. he thinks you never notice the guilt, but you do. hongjoong looks away. he says, "san's not wrong. we need to be careful."

yunho rolls his eyes, and mingi sighs.

san opens his mouth, hands crossed over his chest, when he's interrupted by the high whine of a siren. it pierces through the room, startling all of you. yunho drops his gloved hand from your face. mingi frowns.

"it's a level one breach," hongjoong says, though you all know exactly what it is. you've had training on it, sure, but the last time you heard this exact siren go off was when wooyoung, yeosang, jongho, and seonghwa betrayed the alliance and wreaked havoc on the city. it means there's an attack on the city and it's predicted to be devastating.

your heart drops just as san spins on you and grabs your collar, "what the fuck is going on?"

"i don't know," you shake your head, "i really don't."

"now's not the time," hongjoong yanks san's arm off you, "we need to go to the debriefing room and figure out the threa-"

a loud, distant boom has hongjoong snapping his mouth closed, eyes widening. the floor quakes beneath your feet, your teeth chattering at the intensity of the trembles.

"oh fuck," yunho grips the table to steady himself, "we need to go. now."

another boom fills the silence, followed by screaming, loud and shrill.

"what about -"

an explosion echoes right above them and the room lights start to flicker. you flinch at the dust falling into your eyes.

"let me out."

san lets out a bitter laugh at your demand, "see? this is exactly what the fuck i was talking about. you just -"

"we can't just leave them down here." mingi snaps, "we're in the fucking basement, san."

"we should! do you think it's a coincidence that we're having a level one attack while we're all preoccupied with y/n showing up unannounced at our doorstep?"

"stay with me if you want!" you shout, "i just want to see wooyoung."

hongjoong swivels on his heels, meeting your gaze. it's the first time he's looking at you so candidly since you woke up and you nearly recoil at the intensity of it. "why do you want to see him?"

"to stop him."

"you think he'll stop? after what he did to you?" hongjoong grits his teeth and, for the first time, you can truly see how angry he is, how affected he is by everything. he never shows his anger so blatantly, but now it rolls off him in waves. the world is silent, eerily so, like the calm before a storm.

you resist the urge to recoil and look him dead in the eyes, "if i have to break every single bone in his body to stop him, then i will." you turn your gaze to san and repeat, "i will."

after a beat, san says, "i'm holding you to it."

you nod and he looks away.

"great, glad we got that figured out," yunho sighs, "now let's get the fuck out of here."

suddenly, a sharp creaking noise cuts through the eerie silence. the groan reminds you of a wailing whale, low and drawn out and a chill runs down your spine and straight to your toes. mingi yanks at your chains. you pull an arm free, just as there's another keening wail and suddenly -

"holy shit."

the entire building above you is gone. sunlight fills everything. at least, you believe it to be sunlight at first, until you realize just how bright it is. it's searing. hot, like the sun.

your eyes widen.

or like wooyoung.

"y/n, come on. get up."

you're yanked out the chair, ignoring the pain running up your leg when the chains scratch at your calf.

when you reach the ground, you cough around black smoke filling your lungs, your eyes widening as you take in the sight of wooyoung on fire, brighter than the sun, hotter, flamed wings surging from his form. below him marches an army of skeletons, dragging their bones as they lay siege on your city.

your heart drops to the pit of your stomach when wooyoung's eyes meet yours.

#wooyoung angst #ateez #ateez angst #ateez scenarios #wooyoung #hero/villain au

73 notes · View notes

just-dreaming-marvel · 4 years

Text

Love and Medicine ~ 4

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 4,700ish

Summary: Your new roommates annoy you and Steve presses your buttons.

(I do not own Marvel or Grey’s Anatomy.)

Val, Scott, and Clint had been living at your place for almost two days, when you woke up to Val standing at the foot of your bed.

“Aaah!” You exclaimed, jumping slightly.

“Clint’s room is bigger than mine,” Val complained. You got out of bed, quickly tripping as Val continued, “I have more clothes, I should have the bigger room.”

You let out a groan as you picked yourself up off the floor and headed out of your room. Only to be met with Clint as well.

“I got here first,” Clint stated.

“It’s Y/N’s house, she should decide,” Val said. You continued down the hall, heading downstairs to the kitchen.

“My room is like, two inches bigger than yours!”

“You have a bigger closet!”

“So? Why is everything always a competition? I think that you can put your clothes somewhere else!”

“Everywhere else is filled with Y/N’s parent’s boxes.”

“Y/N? What are you going to do with all this stuff anyway?” You entered the kitchen to see that Scott had made breakfast. “Because maybe we can put some of the boxes in storage.”

“Or we could unpack a few things,” Scott suggested, handing you a plate of food and a cup of coffee. “Make this place a little more homey. Maybe some throw pillows and lamps, a few paintings.”

“Oh, paintings would be nice.”

“A quiet morning before work would be nice,” you muttered into your coffee, having sat down at the table.

“Yeah!” Val agreed with Clint and Scott. “You have all this amazing stuff just packed away. In the back hall, I found this box with like a hundred tapes of someone performing these amazing medical procedures.”

“Really?” Scott questioned. “We should watch them. Y/N, do you want to—“ You got up from the table, quickly leaving with your coffee in hand. “Wait, where are you going?” Your roomies followed you.

“Y/N,” Clint called. “We’re just trying to help. We could unpack for you.”

“Yeah,” Val added. “You wouldn’t have to do—“ You slammed your bedroom door in their faces.

“Y/N?” Clint whispered. “Do you want some privacy?”

You sighed as you slumped against the door. You were beginning to regret this whole roommate thing.

~~~

When you interns arrived at the hospital later that morning, you were immediately told to head to the pit (the ER). You were all helping each other suit up (gowns, gloves, etc.) while you talked.

“Fools on bikes killing themselves,” Gamora grumbled. “Natural selection is what it is.”

“So what’s up with Gamora?” Peter questioned quietly. “Is she off her meds?”

“You’ve never heard of the race?” Clint asked. Peter shook his head. “Every year this bar—“

“—The HYDRA Bar—“ you cut in.

“Yeah. Every year, they hold this underground bike race.”

“The race is completely illegal,” Scott added. “And—“

“Crazy,” you interrupted. “A bunch of bike messengers racing against traffic trying to beat each other for free shots of tequila.”

“All-out, no holds barred competition,” Peter said, “sounds like fun.”

“Yeah,” Val scoffed. “You would think that.”

“The race doesn’t even have any rules,” Clint added. “Except eye gouging—no eye gouging.”

“Oh great,” Natasha murmured. “We're going to be trapped in the Pit bandaging up idiots when we could be up in the OR?”

“What kind of people engage in a race that has, as its only rule, that you can't rip out the eyeballs of another human being?” Scott wondered.

“Men, Scottie,” Peter responded. “Men.”

“I need someone to get up to the OR floor,” Gamora stated loudly. “The Chief needs a right hand.” You all shot up your hands. “Clint.”

“Yes!” Clint exclaimed, rushing away.

“Okay people, the rules of trauma. Don't mingle with the ER interns, they don't know their ass from their esophagus. Sew fast, discharge fast, take bodies up to the OR yesterday. Don't let me catch you fighting over patients. Got it? Come on, let's go.”

You interns rushed into the ER, seeing injured bikers everywhere.

“Oh, it’s like candy,” Natasha commented. “But with blood, which is so much better.”

Val and Natasha quickly started bickering about a biker that was just wheeled in. You looked around, trying to find an interesting case to jump on to.

“Ooh,” you said after seeing a guy with nails in his side. “I’ll take that guy.”

“No, you’ll have to beat me to him first,” Peter responded. You both ran to him, getting there at the same time. Peter pulled the curtain closed between them and the patient. “Heads he’s mine, tails he’s yours.” He fished out a coin from his pocket.

“Why do you get to be heads?”

“Because I have a head, and you are tail.”

“Excuse me! How do you make everything dirty?” Peter flipped it. “Ha. Tails. There are plenty of other cases.”

“So go get one. I was here first.”

“I am not backing down so I can do sutures all day while you're up in the OR. This is a surgical case, and you know it.”

“It's superficial. I mean, it's cool, but it's superficial.”

“How do you know those things didn't rupture his peritoneum?”

“Because he's sitting up, and he's sitting there talking to us!”

The patient pulled the curtain back. “Allo,” he said with an accent. “Excuse me, I was wondering if you could take these out, and sew me up, so I can go and win my race?”

“Well, we can’t just pull them out,” you told him. “I mean, we ought to—“ Peter quickly started ripping the nails out of the mans side. “—do some tests—“

“Oh, wicked.” The man smiled with a nod, grimacing a little with each pull.

“Are you out of your mind?!”

“it’s a superficial wound,” Peter said, handing the nails over to you. “Sew him up, and let him finish his race.” Peter walked away.

“You—you— ugh!”

“Good man,” the patient commented.

“Just, don’t move while I go get something to sew that up.”

“Of course, darlin’.”

You huffed in annoyance as you left to grab a suture kit. Coming back, you realized that the patient had been watching you the whole time, clearly checking you out. Which only made you more annoyed. Not that the guy wasn’t attractive, you just started the day feeling annoyed. You led him to a trauma room and cleaned the wound before beginning to sew it up.

“The name’s Hunter, by the way,” the patient stated.

“Hunter?” You repeated as you tried to concentrate on what you were doing. “Okay.”

“Hey! Don’t diss!”

“Not dissing, just concentrating.”

“Ah, you got a nice touch,” Hunter commented as you pulled another stitch. “And by the way, you are a rocking babe.”

“Seriously, do you actually think you have a shot here?”

“I like to think I've got a shot everywhere.”

“Look, you really have to let me take you for some tests, and a CT. You could have internal bleeding.”

“No thank you. I’ve got a race to get back to.”

You finished up the last stitch and stood up so that you could be face to face with him. “Why? You can't win now anyway.”

“Doesn't mean I can't cross that finish line. There's a party at the finish line. Do you want to meet me there?”

“One test. A CT. I'll have you out of here in an hour.”

“Can't do it, gotta go.”

“Okay, well, you realize that you're leaving against medical advice and I strongly urge you to stay.”

“The frat guy said I could go.”

“The frat guy is an ass. Okay, well, you have to sign an AMA form.” You reached behind you and grabbed a clipboard with the form.

“Darlin', I will do anything you want me to.”

“What is it with you guys and your need to dirty everything up?”

“I don't know. Maybe it's just testosterone, eh?”

“Maybe. You might want to see a doctor about that, too.”

“Come here.” He took the form, quickly signing it. “There.”

He handed the form back before getting up. Hunter took a few steps towards the door before spinning around. He grabbed you and kissed you.

“That was for good luck,” he whispered, walking away backwards. “Don’t worry, darlin’, you’ll see me again.” He left the room.

“For your sake, I hope not!” You called after him.

Shaking your head, you began to strip the bed. You couldn’t help the feeling though, that you were being watched. Looking up, you saw Steve standing outside the door.

“What do you want?” You asked as Steve entered the room.

“You make out with patients now?”

You looked up at him with a small smirk. “What are you jealous?”

“I don’t get jealous.”

“We had sex, once.”

“And we kissed, in an elevator.”

“And we kissed in an elevator, once!”

“No, seriously, I mean come on, go out with me.”

“No.”

“You know, I almost died today.” You gave him a questioning look. “Yeah, I came like this close.” He gestured with his hands, a small gap between his finger and thumb. “How would you feel if I died? And you didn’t get a chance to go out with me?”

You rolled your eyes. “Get over yourself already.” You headed for the door.

“Come on.” Steve followed you.

You spun around. “It’s the chase, isn't it?”

“What?”

“The thrill of the chase. I've been wondering to myself, why are you so hell bent on getting me to go out with you? You know you're my boss, you know it's against the rules, you know I keep saying no. It's the chase.”

“Well, it’s fun. Isn’t it?”

“Yes see?” You waved a finger at him. “This is a game to you. But not to me. Because unlike you, I still have something to prove.”

You took your leave, hurrying to find another patient in need.

~~~

You were walking past a patient room when you heard Val call your name.

“Y/N!” You rushed in. “He’s crashing.”

“Well, what the hell are you doing?” You asked her. “Call code!”

“I can’t. I’m not supposed to, he’s brain dead.”

“Well Val, if he’s brain dead, you have to let him go.”

“No. It's only been five hours and thirty-three minutes, he's supposed to get six hours.”

“Well, we can't do anything to make him live, it's not our place to make that call.”

“He's a person, we're doctors, we should have every right to make that call. We can't just stand here and do nothing while he dies. He has a right to the next twenty-seven minutes.”

“Screw it. I’ll get the dopamine, you get the blood. We’ll transfuse him.”

You and Val worked together to save the guy, with Natasha coming in to help. After you got him stable, you and Val decided to take a walk.

“He’s stable,” you stated, walking up the stairs.

“For now,” Natasha said, coming down the stairs. “I had a radiologist look at his chest, apparently he has a traumatic aortic injury. He's going to rupture and bleed out.”

“So he needs surgery,” Val said.

“If he's going to remain a viable organ donor, yeah.”

“If he's going to live.”

“Val…”

“No! I’m not giving up on him. He has the surgery, he lives longer, that's the point. So I'm going to help find the family, you guys find a way to get him into surgery.” Val continued up the stairs.

“She’s vice-president of fantasyland.”

“So who do we go to?” You asked. “Gamora?”

“No, we need to go higher than Gamora.” Nat and you followed Val up the stairs.

You came to the conclusion that you needed to talk to Banner. You found him entering the men’s restroom.

“Let’s just wait until he’s done,” you suggested.

“No,” Natasha said. “Just open the door and talk to him.”

“Are you for real?” Natasha and Val pushed you into the door. “Dr. Banner?” You nervously called into the mens bathroom.

“Hello?!” Banner exclaimed.

“Okay…” you quickly closed the door. “Yeah… nope.”

Natasha pushed you aside and opened the door. “Dr. Banner, I know you’re busy, but our John Doe needs an aortic repair.”

“The guy from this morning?” Banner questioned, still doing his business. “Isn’t he legally dead?”

“Well, yeah, he's kinda still around? We gave him two units PRBCs and put him on pressers.”

“On whose orders?”

Natasha shut the door, giving you a look before forcing you to open it.

“Mine,” you squeaked.

“You gave a brain-dead John Doe a blood transfusion without consulting anyone. And now you want me to repair his heart.”

“Well, yes,” Natasha replied.

“You do enjoy crossing the line, don’t you?” Banner moved to wash his hands.

“He is an excellent candidate for organ donation,” you added.

“I am a surgeon. I save lives. This guy is already dead. Now, this is the men's room. Either whip one out or close the door.”

With a sigh, you closed the door and started walking away. As you did so, you got an idea.

“I think I’m going to regret this,” you mumbled. “I have an idea. Just… I’ll page you after I find an answer.”

You quickly left in search of Steve. You found him in a hallway and pulled him aside. You explained the situation, with him actively listening.

“You're asking my advice?” Steve questioned.

“Yes,” you responded with a nod.

“Now who’s chasing?” He teased.

“Not funny. This is important.”

“Okay. You want to get around Banner? You gotta find a way to get the Chief involved.”

“Okay—”

“And agree to go out with me?”

“Nope. Not happening.” You turned around.

“You’ll cave, eventually!” He called after you. “I’ll get her.”

~~~

At lunch, you, Val, and Natasha ran into Clint. He was in the middle of eating a sandwich when the three of you came up to him, standing in a line, staring.

“What’d I do?” He asked, food in his mouth.

“How close a match for the liver is your guy to our John Doe?” Val asked.

“Very.” Clint swallowed. “Same type, same size. UNOS couldn't find a better match, why?”

“And he's the Chief's VIP, right?” You asked.

“Right.”

“How much would you kill to be in on a transplant surgery?” Natasha asked.

“You underestimate me. I'm not a baby, I'm your colleague. You don't have to manipulate me, if you want something, all you have to do is ask.”

“We want you to go over Banner's head to the chief,” Val said.

“Ask me something easier.”

~~~

With a bit of persuasion, Clint finally caved in. Val, Natasha, and you watched from down the hallway Clint stop the Chief.

“Sir?” Clint called.

“Barton,” Fury turned around. “How’s Jackson?”

“Fine. Sir, actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. I-I kind of think that— we— uh, me, and the other interns, we think— we’re— we're not—“

“Barton, I’m not getting any younger.”

“We found Jackson a liver.”

“We are so going to hell,” you muttered. “Banner’s sending us straight to hell.”

“On an express train,” Val added.

“If it works,” Natasha said.

Peter came up to them. “What are you doing?” He asked.

“Nothing,” the three of you responded in unison.

Peter noticed that you were watching Clint and Fury. So he began watching too. Banner walked past but Fury quickly stopped him, adding him to the conversation.

“Yes,” Val grinned.

Fury left soon after, leaving Banner to give Clint a questioning look. Clint immediately followed after Fury. Banner turned to look at the rest of you.

“Oh, crap,” Natasha muttered.

You three hurried away, leaving Peter. Peter quickly went after Banner.

“Dr. Banner! Dr. Banner!”

~~~

You found out through the OR board that Peter had been chosen to assist Dr. Banner in the surgery. You and Natasha were extremely irritated. You all sat up in the gallery, watching the surgery.

“I seriously hate that guy,” Natasha said.

“Peter is vermin,” you added in agreement. “That surgery is ours.”

“At least Banner is doing the surgery. I don't care about Peter,” Val said. “Clint? You did good.”

“I'm going to have to dodge Banner for the rest of my career,” Clint said, shaking his head. “He could kill me and make it look like an accident.”

“Now that would make an interesting Dateline,” Scott said.

“Really, Scott?” You questioned, trying to suppress a laugh. “That’s the first thing you go to?”

“Hey! You can’t deny that you wouldn’t watch it.”

~~~

After the surgery, it was time to go home. You had just changed out of your scrubs and were grabbing a few things from your locker when Peter waltzed in.

“Oh, I smell good,” he commented. “You know what it is?” He turned to you. “It’s the smell of open heart surgery.” He breathed in deeply. “It's awesome. It is awesome. You gotta smell me.” He came up behind you, leaning into you.

“I don’t want to smell you,” you retorted.

“Oh, yes you do.” He nuzzled into your hair.

You quickly spun around and grabbed him, pushing him against the lockers by his shirt. “You have got to be kidding me! Okay. I have more important things to deal with than you. I have roommates, and boy problems, and family problems.” Peter yawned, glancing around. “You want to act like a little frat boy bitch, that's fine. You want to take credit for your saves, and everybody else's? That's fine too. Just stay out of my face.” As Steve opened the door, you grabbed Peter by the chin, making him look at you. “And for the record, you smell like crap.”

You turn, finally seeing Steve. You go back to your locker. Steve motioned as if to say, what happened?”

“She attacked me,” Peter said, pointing at you.

You spun back around to really attack him.

“Y/N, Y/N, Y/N!” Steve rushed over, grabbing your arms and pushing you back. He turned to Peter. “You know, you might want to leave. Before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists.”

He let go of you to push Peter out the door. As Steve closed the door, Peter pulled a face at you, how mature. Steve sighed. You studied him, getting more stupid feelings for him by the second.

“What?” Steve wondered.

“Nothing,” you shook your head, turning to pull your jacket out of your locker. “It’s just…” You gave him another long look, him nodding encouragingly. “Nothing.”

You closed your locker and made your way to the door. Steve opened it for you. You looked at him again for a few seconds before striding away. He looked up at the ceiling with a sigh.

“I’m telling you, Rogers,” Stark commented as he leaned against the wall across from the door. “Not a good idea.”

“How the hell are you around every damn time?!” Steve exclaimed.

Tony laughed. “Honestly, I think I may have a gift for sensing everyone else’s stupid decisions but my own.”

“Well, can you stop sensing mine?!”

“Sorry, Steve. You’re the only one making stupid decisions currently."

~~~

All you wanted was your bed. And a quiet house. When you got home, Val, Clint, and Scott were already there. They were in the living room, sitting on the floor while going through a box of tapes.

“Ooh, this one is skin grafting!” Val said, pulling out a tape.

“Skin grafting? No way!” Scott responded, taking the tape from her. “I've never seen that done before.”

“Are those my parent’s surgical tapes?” You asked, bring there attention to you.

“We should watch the skin grafting one first,” Clint said.

You looked around the room. There were pieces of furniture and art that you had sworn were packed up this morning.

“Where did all this stuff come from?” You questioned.

“Oh, I unpacked some of the boxes,” Val replied. “I was upset, and when I'm upset I like to nest.”

“Same,” Clint and Scott added. You began taking down pictures.

“Oooh!” Val quickly grabbed another top. “Hemipelvectomy.”

“Let’s definitely watch that one first,” Scott said.

“No. No. We’re not watching my parent’s surgery tapes,” you quickly ripped the tapes from their hands, “we’re not unpacking boxes,” you motioned to the boxes around the room, “and we’re not having long conversations where we celebrate the moments of our lives!” You slammed the tapes on the coffee table. You grabbed the beer bottle that sat on the table and slammed it onto a coaster. “And use a damn coaster!” You turned to leave.

“I ordered Chinese food…”

You marched up the stairs. “I hate Chinese food!”

Here’s the thing… both of your parents were widely renowned surgeons. But they both died in a terrible accident almost a year ago. After that happened, you quickly changed your last name to one of your Grandmother’s maiden names. You didn’t want all the attention. You had already gotten so much through med school and have the accident, you didn’t want anymore.

~~~

You were grateful that your roommates didn’t bother you the rest of the night. And when it came time for work in the morning, you made sure to leave without them. You met up with Natasha in front of the hospital and walked in together.

“They're everywhere. All the time. Scott's all perky, and Clint does this thing where he's helpful and considerate, and Val just, I don’t know is Val!” You complained. “They share food and they say things and they move things, and they breathe.” You let out a little whimper. “They're like happy.”

“Kick them out,” Natasha responded.

“I can't kick them out. They just moved in. I asked them to move in.”

"So what, you're just going to repress everything into some deep dark twisted place until one day you snap and kill them?”

“Yep, basically.”

“This is why we are friends.”

Peter jogged up as they entered the hospital.

“Why is Gamora making us stay in the Pit two days in a row?” He asked.

“Leftovers,” you replied.

“Leftovers?”

“Gotta get the cyclists who were too drunk or too stupid or too scared to get themselves to a hospital yesterday.”

“While meanwhile, she gets to do a freakin' organ harvest.” He motioned to Natasha.

“Oh, that kills you, doesn’t it?” She smirked.

“What?”

“That two women got the harvest.” You three stopped in front of the elevator.

“No, it kills me that anyone got the harvest but me. Boobs do not factor into this equation. Unless you want to show me yours.”

You and Natasha exchanged looks. “I’m going to become a lesbian,” you stated.

“Me too,” Natasha responded.

~~~

You and Peter tried to civilly work near each other in the Pit. As you filed away some patient paperwork, you glanced over at the waiting room. You did a double take after seeing your patient from yesterday, Hunter, waiting.

“What’s Hunter doing here?” You asked.

Peter glanced up at the waiting room before going back to what he was working on. “Probably crashed his bike,” he answered. “Again.”

“How long has he been waiting?”

"Don't know, I'm busy on real cases. He's all yours.”

You walked over to him. “Hunter? Hunter?” You noticed that he was holding his side, the injured side, as you came closer. He didn’t look at you as he started to cough. “Are you okay?” He tried to get up and you ran the rest of the way to him. Hunter fell, unconscious as blood came from his mouth. “Hunter!”

You got down next to him, lifting up his shirt. The stitches you did yesterday were ripped open and the area around them had swelled up. You quickly called for help, other nurses and doctors quickly came with a gurney. They helped lift Hunter on with you jumping on to sit on top of him. You tried to hold his wound closed as you turned at talked to a nurse.

“Call up to the OR and tell them we’re coming,” you ordered. “And page Dr. Gamora.”

“Right away,” the nurse replied, rushing off.

You noticed Peter staring at Hunter, a bit stunned. “Peter! Push the dam gurney.”

Peter quickly rushed into action.

“Clear the way!” The nurse with the two of you called. “Coming through!”

“Somebody get the elevator!” Peter yelled.

“Hurry,” you said. “I don't know how long I can keep this wound closed.”

The gurney is pushed into the elevator. You watched as the doors seem to slowly close. You and Peter watch as the level numbers light up.

“Move faster, damn it,” you muttered.

Finally, the doors reopened and the gurney was quickly taken into the OR.

“Well, this is a new one,” Gamora commented, ready and waiting in the OR. “Somebody get her off my patient.” A nurse helped you climb down. “Y/N, go get cleaned up and scrub in, Peter, get back downstairs.”

“Yeah, but I helped,” Peter defended.

“Helped! They tell me down in the Pit that you only want to take the hot cases. In every pack of interns there's always one fool that's running around trying to show off, and Peter, this time that fool is you. Get out.”

With an angry sigh, he left the OR. You quickly left after, going to clean up and scrub in.

~~~

After the surgery, you and Gamora were informed that Viper had friends waiting in the lobby for him. You two went out to talk to them.

“This lovely group's his friends. Uh, you all belong to—“ Gamora looked at you. “What’s his name?”

“Hunter” you answered.

“Hunter?”

“Yeah,” a man replied. “We were in the race.”

“How is he?” A woman stepped up. “Is he okay?”

“Is he okay?” Gamora repeated. “No. No, he is not okay, at all. He hurled his body down a concrete mountain at full speed for no good reason. Yeah, I know you all pierce yourselves and smoke up and generally treat your bodies like your grungy asses can't break down to A, you want to kill yourselves, flying down a concrete mountain, go to it, but there are other people walking, people driving, people trying live their lives on that concrete mountain, and one of them got his brains scrambled today because one of you little sniffling no-good snot-rag—“

“Doctor Gamora—“ you tried to stop her.

“Yeah, yeah so no, your friend Hunter, as far as I'm concerned, is not okay.” Gamora stalked off.

“She's, um, really tired, but, uh, Hunter's going to make it,” you said. “He’s gonna live.”

A chorus of “cools” and “thanks” were heard from he group. You stood there, awkwardly nodding for a few seconds too long before hurrying away.

~~~

At the end of the day, Steve found you in the locker room, alone. He came in, shutting the door behind him.

“It’s not the chase,” Steve stated, catching your attention.

“What?”

“You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It’s... it's your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair.”

“My hair?”

“Smells good. And you're very, very bossy. Keeps me in line.”

“I’m still not going out with you.”

Steve smirked, opening the door back up. “You say that now.”

He leaned over and kissed your cheek, then he left. That man was for sure going to be the death of you. You could feel it.

~~~

When you arrived home, Val, Scott, Natasha, and Clint were in the living room, eating pizza, drinking, and watching a surgical tape.

"Okay, this is the best part, watch, this is where they pulls a block of skin down over the face,” Val said.

You cleared your throat. “Hi,” you said as they looked at you.

“We were— uh, we were just,” Scott stuttered.

“Natasha made us!” Clint quickly said.

“What are we watching?” You asked, coming into the room more. “Ooh.” You sat down and took some pizza. “This is the one where my mother—“

“Literally pulls this guy’s face off!” Val interrupted.

“Yeah.”

You nodded, looking around at your friends. There might be a small chance that you could get used to this.

next chapter >

NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

#steve rogers x reader #tony stark x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #clint barton x reader #valkyrie x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #scott lang x reader #peter quill x reader #gamora x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines

154 notes · View notes