#i am just overthinking my whole day today now and it's like

[ilostyou]

being an overthinker leaves me feeling so guilty sometimes because in theory i'd like to be very transparent about how i'm feeling but at the same time the thoughts my brain is spinning about (which i'm for the most part aware aren't really rooted in anything realistic) could reflect badly on other people but really i'm the only one they're reflecting on and i just feel bad because genuinely i don't think badly of them i just get stuck in all the what-ifs and i feel bad enough wondering about it to begin with so talking it out to the person feels unfair to them because they don't deserve it to begin with so why should i tell them i'm thinking all that. yknow

[lumiolivier]

Our Treasure

Series: One Piece

Chapter: One Shot

Word Count: 2150

Rating: T

Pairing(s): Cross Guild x Reader (YN)

Things were quiet in Mihawk's castle. With the whole Cross Guild there, quiet was very, very concerning. Especially when both their treasure and their clown go missing

a/n: I wanted some Cross Guild shenanigans. Is that so much to ask for?

When things were quiet with the Cross Guild, that was never a good thing.  Although, Mihawk and Crocodile would be lying if they said they didn’t appreciate the quiet.  The two sat in the study in Mihawk’s castle, Mihawk indulging himself in a glass of wine while Crocodile sat back with a fresh cigar.  It took them a moment to realize the quiet in the room.  Or even worse, the emptiness.  Mihawk’s eyes were deep in a glass of red when it dawned on him.

“Crocodile…” he watched as the wine sloshed around in his glass, “it’s quiet.”

“That seems to be the rumor,” Crocodile blew a cloud of smoke out, “Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Mihawk shook his head, “But have you seen the treasure today?”

“Not since this morning,” Crocodile shrugged, “Why?”

“Because I haven’t seen our treasure since early this afternoon,” Mihawk told him, “And I don’t know about you, but things are quiet.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, Mihawk,” Crocodile let it go, “You’re overthinking.”

“I don’t think I’m overthinking,” Mihawk put the pieces together, “Because it’s quiet, Crocodile.”

“So, what?” Crocodile tapped his ashes on the floor, much to Mihawk’s dismay, “We don’t have Marines on our ass.  The Strawhats are leaving us alone.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s a win in my book.”

“Under any other circumstances, I’d agree with you,” Mihawk admitted, “But…Aren’t we usually a trio?”

“And we haven’t seen the pain in the ass clown either,” Crocodile tipped his hook, to Mihawk, “Hot damn, it’s a good day.”

“And,” Mihawk realized he had to spell it out for him, “We don’t know where the treasure is.”

And that’s when it hit him, “Oh, shit.”

“Oh, shit is right,” Mihawk scoffed, “Now, am I still overthinking?”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Crocodile bit the inside of his cheek.

And Mihawk stared blankly back at him, “Did you even believe that when it came out of your mouth?”

“No.  Not a word.”

“Now,” Mihawk got up from his chair, “What do you think our next plan of action should be?”

Crocodile put out the rest of his cigar in the arm of Mihawk’s chair to join the collection of all the others.  Again, much to Mihawk’s dismay, “We need to find that fucking clown.”

Meanwhile, in a much more secluded corner of Mihawk’s castle, Buggy holed himself up with that precious treasure that the whole Cross Guild wanted kept as safe as possible.  However, Buggy grew jealous.  He didn’t get nearly as much time with it as Crocodile or Mihawk.  And he just wanted some quality time with it, too.  Was that a crime?  Of course, it wasn’t.  He just wanted some time alone with their greatest treasure…You.

“You do know,” Perona floated above you both, “If either Crocodile or Mihawk find you two up here, you’re screwed, right?”

“Ahh…” Buggy brushed her off, “What are they going to do?  It’s me!  They need me.”

“Wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Perona teased him.

“That’s not nice,” Buggy pouted, sending his foot to chase after her, “Besides, it’s not like I held a gun to your head and forced you up here, right, doll?”

“Of course.” Ever since the Cross Guild found you washed onshore on the beach outside the castle, it was Mihawk who fought to keep you around.  There was something he found strangely interesting about you, but he could never put his finger on it.  Even after being with them for the last six months, he still didn’t know what clicked in his brain to make him want to keep you.  Perhaps it was that pretty face.  Perhaps it was the bite in your voice when you tried to tell him you’d rather die than be forced to collude with pirates.  And yet, those particular pirates…You grew attached.

“That’s the spirit,” Buggy sat down with a big case next to him and a brush in his hand.  And his foot reattached.  You would be his greatest canvas, “You’re just jealous, ghosty.  You wish you were down here with me instead.”

“Please,” Perona rolled her eyes, “I’d much rather go through death several times over than have to deal with you.”

“Ouch,” Buggy clutched his chest, “Hurtful, Perona.  Hurtful.  I do have feelings.”

“And you seem to be under the impression I care about them,” Perona brushed him off.

“Alright,” Buggy pushed your hair out of your face and skimmed for a pallete, “Where were we?”

“We were playing fuck, marry, kill.” You remembered.

“That’s right,” Buggy nodded, “Alright…I got nothing.”

“I got one!” Perona chirped, “Fuck, marry, kill.  Mihawk, Crocodile, Buggy.  Go.”

“Oh, come on, Perona,” you whined, “That’s not fair!”

“Why’s it not fair?” Perona teased you.  Because she knew far too much, “It’s just a simple hypothetical.  I’m sure you can handle that much.”

“And…” You knew this couldn’t end good.  You had fallen in love with each of them for their own different reasons.  To rank them in something even as simple as a hypothetical felt wrong, “This is purely hypothetical?  And won’t make anything weird?”

“Oooh!” Perona sang, “It’s going to be good!”

“Buggy,” you glared in Perona’s direction, “Can you send your foot after her again?”

“Of course, doll,” Buggy sent off his right foot and let it chase after Perona again.

“What the hell, clown?!” Perona ran off from Buggy’s foot, “I didn’t ask for this!”

“Ok,” you decided, “And no hard feelings?”

“Not one,” Buggy promised, “You could do no wrong, doll.  You’re good.”

“Come on, YN,” Perona’s persistence wasn’t exactly your favorite sometimes, but you had gotten used to it.  It was just the way she was, “You’re avoiding the question.”

“It’s alright,” Buggy let it slide, “I think I know which way you’re leaning.  Shut your eyes for me.”

“Alright,” you did as he asked hand braced yourself for what came next.  And it wasn’t just Buggy lining your eyes, “Fuck Crocodile, marry Mihawk, kill Buggy.”

“What the fuck?” Buggy squeaked, “What did I do?”

“Interesting,” Perona laid on her belly, her feet in the air…much like the rest of her, “I’m going to need an explanation.”

“Me, too!” Buggy whined.  You could feel him painting little x’s next to your eyes.  You knew he wouldn’t do anything stupid.  That meant bringing down Mihawk and Crocodile’s combined wrath. And the fist of God was not something Buggy wanted today.

“Alright,” you began, “We’ll start with fucking Crocodile.  Tell me you wouldn’t.”

“He’s definitely not the worst looking creature on the face of this earth,” Perona agreed, “I mean…What that hook do?”

“Take it from someone who’s ridden that ride,” you flashed Perona a mischievous little grin, “That hook do plenty…That cold metal in the right spots…Fuuuuuuuck, it does something for me.”

“Ooh!” Perona clutched her chest, “YN, you kinky little minx.  Just when I think I can’t love you more.”

“And that’s before the main event,” you swooned, “That man makes a horse feel inadequate.  To use the baby’s arm holding an apple analogy doesn’t come close.  And he knows just how to use it.  You get fucked by Crocodile, you don’t forget it.  But getting fucked by Crocodile could also induce amnesia.”

“Fair,” Perona allowed, “Alright.  Marry.  Go.”

“Mihawk,” you went on, “Marry Mihawk.  Hundred percent.  And with Mihawk, it comes down to more than just sex.  Not that I doubt Crocodile’s ability to take care of me, but Mihawk could probably take better care of me than Crocodile.  And the sex between them?  Crocodile is like a once, maybe twice in a lifetime fuck.  Crocodile is the birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day fuck.  Those three times a year and I’m good.  Mihawk?  Mihawk is the most incredible and gentle lover.  And when it comes down to it, sweet, sweet love from Mihawk is going to keep me going longer than a down and dirty fuck from Crocodile.”

“And yet,” Buggy stared you down.  He didn’t want to admit it, but he was a little hurt.  However, it was Buggy.  He knew how to turn it around, “You’ve slept with all three of us and you’re still going to pick the others over me?”

“Sorry, Buggy,” you wrapped your legs around Buggy’s waist, hoping a little grinding in his lap would make things better, “You just got caught up in the crossfire.”

“So,” Buggy wondered, balancing you on his lap, “How would you do it?”

“What?”

“How would you do it, doll?” Buggy asked, pushing your hair out of your face, “You said you’d fuck Hooky, marry Hawkeyes, and kill me.  So, how would you kill me?”

You knew Perona liked to call you a kinky minx, but you knew who the real kinky one was here.  You knew Buggy was into some things.  And that was his business…Until he made it your business.  So, you knew the more details you could put into it, the better, “Hmm…That’s a good question.  It all boils down to if I want to get away with it or not.  Because I could just go the easy, boring route and say I’ll throw you to the sea and let her take you.  But that’s the boring way.”

“And I know,” Buggy cradled your cheek in his palm, “My little doll knows better than that.  If I’m going to go out and at your hand, no less, I better go out spectacularly.”

“Depends,” you thought, “Would you be putting up a fight or would you accept your death execution style?”

“I’d be accepting of my death,” he decided, “Now, what should I be expecting?  Because I’ve always thought an electric chair would be a fun way to go out.  Sparkling until the end.”

“Sparking until the end, silly,” you giggled, your head on his shoulder, “How would I kill you…?  I think I’d start with slow torture.  You on the rack…My knives on your body…”

“Those aren’t going to work, sweetheart,” Buggy teased you.

“Just the skin,” you went on, “I’d leave so many pretty little cuts on you…But then, because I know damn well I can’t cut you up without you reforming, I think I’d be merciful.  A hand on your throat while I ride you until your heart stops.”

“My, my, YN,” Buggy blushed a bit, “You spoil me.  Really?  All that for little ol’ me?  Death by sex?”

“Erotic asphyxiation,” you left a kiss on his cheek, “What a beautiful way to go out.”

“Way to have your cake and eat it too,” Buggy left a little trail of kisses down your neck, “You get to fuck me, then kill me.”

“I kill you by fucking you,” you clarified.

“Alright, before I hurl,” Perona rolled her eyes, “Is that good enough?  Did you get what you wanted?”

“I think so.”

“Wasn’t talking to you, YN,” Perona sighed out, “Are you going to keep standing in the hall, Mihawk, or are you going to come in?”

“Might as well come in,” Mihawk came into the room with Crocodile behind him, “So, this is where you two ran off to.”

“And here I thought we were going to have a quiet day,” Crocodile groaned, “YN, come here…”

“Hey…Croccy…Hawky…” Buggy suddenly got nervous, “We were just having a little fun…”

“I see that,” Crocodile pulled you into his side, “You alright, princess?”

“Mmhm,” you nodded, “I’m fine.”

“Good,” Crocodile kissed the top of your head, “Mihawk, go get her cleaned up.  I’ll deal with Buggy.”

“And…And…” Buggy wondered, “How are you going to do that?”

Crocodile grabbed Buggy by his wrist, making sure he couldn’t separate and take off, “Golf clubs.”

“Come on, YN,” Mihawk took you out of the room, “Perona?”

“Yes, Mihawk?” Perona raced to Mihawk’s side, “Did you need something?”

“Were you aware of the clown’s poor life choices?”

“I…” Perona knew she had an ass chewing coming her way, “I might have.  He just wanted to play with her, too, Mihawk.”

“I know,” Mihawk brought you down the hall to his bedroom.  And then, to his bathroom, “Is everything alright, darling?”

“Everything’s fine,” you promised, “It was just Buggy and me talking.  And he wanted to do my makeup a little.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.”

“Alright,” Mihawk sat you on his bathroom counter and started to clean off your face.  He was so methodical about it and careful to not get anything in your eyes.  Those were his favorite, “So…You’d marry me, would you?”

“How much did you hear?” your face immediately went red.

“That I’m a gentle lover,” Mihawk finished up, “And that apparently, Crocodile’s dick could probably demolish a building.”

“It is a battering ram,” you admitted.

“Well,” Mihawk decided, scooping you off the counter, “While Crocodile is out taking Buggy’s head to the back nine, why don’t I show you just how gentle of a lover I can be for you?”

And who were you to argue with that?

[katiascraft]

“am I too much for you? maybe I’m too much for everyone” | CL16

parings: Charles Leclerc x insecure!reader

summary: you feel insecure and you’re struggling but Charles makes sure you know how important you are to the world (specially his world).

now playing: “If I weren’t me” by Katherine Li

warnings: not English native speaker could there be errors. None proofread. Talk about sadness and destructive inner talk. Insecure reader. Readers pov’s.

words: +1,5k words.

a/n: heyyyy I am back!!! I disappeared for a year 💀 consistency it’s not my thing I guess. I’m finally finishing university this year!! So I guess I’ll have more time to write. Hope you like it! First on Charles. New obsession: F1 drivers. Get ready I got plenty more on my plans :p. Remember to like or reblog! And follow me so we can be friends :3

MASTERLIST

The piano tiles made the sound of the soundtrack of my sadness in this moment. My fingers touched them softly like they were fragile - like me.

Today was a nightmare from the start. Since I woke up I had a knot in my stomach that became bigger and bigger as the time passed through my routine. Sometimes itʼs really hard for me to do daily tasks such as cleaning or even eating. And it was harder if I need to go to events or meetings.

I have episodes of deep sadness Iʼve been treating on therapy. Sometimes I just canʼt control it. Today was one of those days where black and grey took over everything I felt and did. One way I found by being suggested by my therapist was writing down every thought of pain to find kind of a relief. Today itʼs really hard. Iʼm struggling really hard.

Iʼve been alone the whole day. Charles had to go to the Ferrari factory and do his driver tasks as usual. When I woke up he was gone. And maybe that contributed even more to my desperate and pathetic situation. Though I shouldnʼt talk about it like that and be more gentle with myself. It always felt to me negativity has always been my best friend and worst enemy at the same time.

Playing piano helped me so much. Write a song about my pain. Try to give a little light to all of this mess I find myself emerged in. Itʼs really hard for me to open up and seek help when I need it. Specially when it comes to Charles. I donʼt wanna be a burden to him. And I donʼt wanna stress him out with all of my dark side. I always try to brush it off when heʼs around. Most times I just pretend Iʼm happy and everything itʼs alright. As if I wasnʼt feeling too much for him. Or too less. Like Iʼm not worth of his love. Of his attention. Of his smiles. Of everything he did for me.

The fact that Charles asked me out had me shocked. Iʼve never felt like I could compete with all the models and influencers and singers and every really beautiful girl in this world. Iʼve never felt beautiful nor attractive. Yes Iʼm pretty good making jokes. And I talk too much. But Iʼve always felt I cringed people out. Dating people wasnʼt a thing I was really good at. Actually I sucked. And I think I still do. Always overthinking and second guessing every move. Every promise. Everything.

Charles was so sweet to me. He said “youʼre beautiful. Iʼm sure people tell you all the time. But you really areˮ. I couldnʼt help but get really nervous and blush. The most beautiful man Iʼve ever seen was talking to me and saying all of that. I blinked a couple of times. My smile huge. I just laughed softly trying to brush it off.

Since then we became a team. Inseparable. Charles became my best friend. My rock. I donʼt know what I ever did to deserve his love. The way he loved me was so gentle. So caring and loving. At first was hard because his love language was physical touch and that was something I wasnʼt used to. But little by little I got used to and felt amazing. Iʼve never felt so comfortable with anyone but him.

I hate my body. I feel ashamed of my personality. Most times I feel so dumb. So stupid.

I didnʼt realized I was already crying when I felt my tears dropping in my hands on the piano. I didnʼt realized I kept playing in auto-mode. When I was conscious again I started crying badly. I started shaking. I felt so bad. So guilty for even feeling this way. I didnʼt realized Charles have arrived home when I felt his deep voice from behind.

“Baby... whatʼs wrong? Youʼve been crying for a whileˮ I heard his voice and that sent shivers down my spine. I try to hold it together because I feel so embarrassed heʼs seeing me like this.

He sat next to me and hugged me. I hid my face on his neck feeling contempt. Thing is I started crying worse. I couldnʼt control it once it took on me.

“Itʼs okay baby. Itʼs okay.ˮ He whispered on my head while he stroke my hair and my arm pulling me closer. I thanked him mentally for this. I never thought I needed it so much.

Took a while until I calmed myself in his body. I part from him slowly and whipped my face with my hands. After I did he did the same. He whipped my tears so gently. He did the same looking me with bright eyes. Worry was all over his face. I licked my lips. “Iʼm sorry.ˮ I said quietly almost a whisper.

He denided with his head taking my head into his hands and stroked it softly.

“donʼt be sorry baby. Iʼm worried. Whatʼs wrong? Iʼm sorry I wasnʼt home to be with you. Why didnʼt you called me?ˮ I could feel the worry in his voice deep and cracking.

“I didnʼt want to bother to be honest. Itʼs one of those days. A really hard dayˮ my tears wanted to go out again but I holded them.

I saw his eyes turned into a sad look. He leaned on me and kissed my cheek to hugged me strongly in his arms afterwards. I buried my head in his shoulder. His smell calmed me down. I holded him pretty close to me. Strongly as him. I didnʼt want to let go.

“do you wanna talk about what you are feeling love?ˮ He whispered softly. I swallowed hard and pulled away from his so I could look into his beautiful eyes. I loved his eyes. So bright so blue sometimes. To me they felt like staring at the ocean. I stroked his face gently. He grabbed my legs on the little couch in front of the piano it our living room.

“This is one of those days where I donʼt feel enough or maybe too much to handle... all of this darkness in me that sometimes I just canʼt control it. You deserve someone confident and happy just like youˮ I told him softly and honestly. And it felt good to take it out of me for finally. I wanted to cry again but I was making my best efforts to keep it together.

“Cher... you are more than enough for me. You are the most beautiful soul Iʼve ever met. The most beautiful woman Iʼve ever seen. You are the sweetest most caring and fun person. Always there for people. You have the brightest personality. Every time you enter a room you shine. Everyone smiles. To me youʼre happiness though I know that isnʼt the whole you. Youʼre human baby. You are allowed to feel. And to not be okay. And to be okay too. You are not a burden for me. Youʼre my best friend. Mon amour. My future wife. The one whoʼs always there for me. My shoulder to cry on. The one with the greatest jokes. The life of every party I assist. You give a meaning to my life. A reason to live. You are a great daughter. The best friend someone could ask for. The greatest sister. You are a light for every single person that knows you y/n. Donʼt ever feel that you are too much to handle. And I really wanna go and kill the people who made you ever feel you were, I sware. You are amazing baby.ˮ While he was talking you couldnʼt hold it together. You just started crying. He let you do it while he whipped your tears lovingly. He seeing you like this broke his heart. You didnʼt deserve to feel like this. And he wished he could take away all of your pain. That you could see yourself the way he sees you. And feel how happy and enamoured you made him feel. “You can talk to me every time you need itˮ he continued. “you can trust me and we can figure it out together. You donʼt have to go through it alone. Okay? I love you with everything I am y/n. If I could I would take all of this pain away and just make you feel how I feel about you. I promise to me youʼre even better than Carlosˮ he said lastly jokingly making me laugh through my crying.

Now he had a huge smile on his face knowing he could make you feel better. I gave him a peck on his lips as a thank you and as an I love you.

“I donʼt know what I would do without you Charles...ˮ I said sincerely and full of love in between the lines. He gave another kiss back but now it was deeper in feelings. We kissed for a while and it felt that as the kiss continued my pain was going away feeling better every second. After the kissed I hugged him tightly. He gave kisses to my neck making me giggle a little. “I love you Charlie. Youʼre my angelˮ I whispered on his shoulder and he tightened the hug in response.

“And you are mine chérie“ he said burying his face on my shoulder.

——————————————————————————————

Charlie won COTA 🥹.

Hope you liked it 💌 if you have ideas my inbox is open for requests!

[sunfairiess]

𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 | 𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

tropes: 3rd person narration | soft boy jj | best friends to lovers | comfort | fluff

synopsis: reader’s battling against anxiety and during one of her anxiety attacks, jj’s there to help her.

warnings: heavy depiction of anxiety, anxiety attack.

wc: 2.1k

writing this as someone who suffers from anxiety and deals with it on her own, was really emotional; if you find yourself in this position too, please don’t be afraid to ask for help. mental health matters <3

song rec: breathin - ariana grande ♡

everyone fights their own monsters, some are physically visible, others are perceived. some people have to fight against their families, some against their friends. but one of the biggest and worst challenges, was to fight against your own head.

everyone is tormented by their own monsters. hers is called anxiety, the beast who had ruined her life.

at school, her grades started to drop because she was just so tired all the time she couldn’t even bring herself to open the textbook; half of the foods she used to love were cut out of her daily routine because she would get constant heartburn and stomach problems to the point where she wasn’t able to consume a full meal for days.

when it came to sleeping, she couldn’t fall asleep because her mind was always racing with awful thoughts. what if i don’t wake up tomorrow? do my friends hate me because i didn’t go out with them today? is my heart supposed to beat so fast? my back is hurting, is this a health condition? am i going to be alone forever? usually she would go on for hours, reaching three or four in the morning, until she either cried herself to sleep or she almost passed out because of how tired she was.

going out of the house became hard. she became afraid of taking public transportation because what if someone tried to rob her or kidnap her. she couldn’t take long walks anymore because what if something happens and i’m alone. she even had to stop going to parties because she couldn’t stand big and loud crowds of people anymore.

her mental pain became physical: constantly having back problems, her chest and throat always felt too tight to breathe, her body tingling out of nowhere all the time.

it would’ve been a lie to say all of this didn’t reflected onto her relationship with others; she never told anyone about her own problems, not that they could help anyway. so when she started to hang out less with her friends, she always had to lie. i’m grounded, i can’t go out. sorry, i have too much homework to do. i have the flu, i can’t come. my dad needs my help, i’ll come next time. eventually though, she would run out of excuses, and that’s how she ended up for the first time in a month at the château, surrounded by her best friends.

“girl, we haven’t see you in forever, i almost forgot your face.” kiara joked, nudging her a bit with her elbow.

“i know, i’m so sorry guys. past month has been crazy.” which wasn’t a lie per se, she had spent the last weeks having constant anxiety and panic attacks. in the morning, in the afternoon, at night. and every single time she felt like she was about to die, the impending fear of doom creeping inside her. it really started to become unbearable, to the point where she didn’t even notice how many days would go by.

“well you’re here now, that’s what matters.” pope chimed in, giving her a smile. somehow that made her feel a little bit more lighter, knowing that her friends didn’t actually hated her. anxiety made her overthink every little detail of her life.

even though she tried to appear relaxed the whole night, she still felt like she was being chocked by an imaginary hand, pressing harder every time she breathed. she was grateful that none of her friends noticed the stiffness in her body, it would’ve been to hard to explain everything.

at least she thought no one noticed. jj noticed, he always did. he would observe every little detail about her. and from the moment she stepped into the château he hadn’t been able to keep his gaze off of her, not even for a second. he missed her. he hadn’t seen her in weeks and he had become restless. day and night he would think about her, what she was doing, if she missed him, if she too dreamed about him like he did about her. that’s how it felt being in love with your best friend.

jj knew something was up with her. she was always full of joy and energy, but bow it seemed like she had lost her spark. he knew there was something wrong, especially when he saw her fidgeting with her rings, gazing anxiously around her. he knew something was wrong when she got up, excusing herself from the conversation, and almost running to the bathroom.

following her wasn’t probably too good of an idea, but jj was impulsive, so he did it anyway. amen to that, he would’ve dealt with the consequences later, like his confused friends asking him what the heck was going on.

as he entered the bathroom, she was sat on the toilet. her face so pale you would think she was about to pass out.

he sees her as she stares into the wall, her eyes fixed in front of her, full of fear. he notices as she bring her right hand to her throat, sliding slowly down her chest and pressing hard. he hears her breathing going faster and heavier, like she couldn’t catch a full breath. her hands shaking as she tries to ground herself and not slip into the arms of her anxiety.

jj had no idea of what an anxiety attack looked like, he had been fortunate enough to never had one, but he always thought they had to feel awful for whoever got them. but seeing her, his sweet little sunshine, shaking all over the place and being surrounded by a cloud of darkness around her, made his heart break into a thousand millions pieces. he wanted to help her, but he didn’t know how to do it in the right way. he just wanted to do something, and so he did.

“sunshine, hey. baby, look at me. c’mon lemme see your pretty eyes.” he kneeled in front of her, placing both of his hands on her knees and gently rubbing his thumbs against them.

everything was spinning around her, thoughts racing with all the emotions she bottled up and all the fears she always had. she couldn’t stop them, it felt like she was going to be swallowed up by a black vortex. but then she heard his voice, it was like hearing an angel talking. her gaze slowly shifted from the white wall to his eyes, his gorgeous blue eyes, usually shining like stars when they looked at her, but now they were the depiction of concern. she felt a sharp feeling of guiltiness running through her your veins, because the last thing she wanted was to make him sad.

“that’s it, baby. you are so pretty, my pretty girl.” he gave her a soft smile, slowly moving his hands from her knees to her thighs. he wanted to pull her close and hug her, but one time— and thank god for him and the one time jj actually listened to what he said— pope told him that when people had anxiety or panic attacks, most of the time they didn’t wanted to be touched. so, instead of being the usual impulsive jj he was with everyone, he took baby steps with her, not wanting to scare her or make her even more anxious.

her breath was slowly calming down, but the aching in your chest and the lump in her throat were still there, still feeling like she was going to suffocate any moment now, but jj pulled her out of her thoughts again.

“alright pretty girl, i need you to do something for me, ‘kay? i need you to take deep breaths with me, i know it’s hard but i’m here. you’re safe, i won’t let anything happen to you. breathe with me, baby.” his voice was so sweet and gentle, she actually thought she was going to cry because of how soft he was speaking to her and how he was trying to handle the situation. she nodded slightly, following his example as he took one deep breath and then exhaled. one deep breath and exhaled. inhale and exhale. and they went on, and on, until the tension she felt before started to leave her body, making her shoulders and back relax and her hands stop shaking.

jj didn’t say anything this time, he just looked as she regained consciousness of her surroundings. even though the attack was gone, it usually took hours before she could actually calm down completely. it was hard and she always handled them alone, but this time having him with her felt like a blessing from heaven.

feeling like she had just been pulled out of a dark hole, she launched herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck. he let out a sigh as soon as he felt her flesh touch his own, his arms reaching for her hips and his face buried deep into the crook of her neck. they stayed like this for a almost twenty minutes. he only pulled her in tighter, not wanting to let go of her because he knew as long as she was into his arms, she was safe.

30 minutes later they were laying next to each other in the hammock, her head resting on his chest, the sound of his heart beating calming her, like a lullaby. his hands were both placed on her back, rubbing small circles against the thin fabric of her shirt.

jj really didn’t want to break the peacefulness that surrounded them, but he had to ask her why she never told him anything. he felt like he was failing at being her best friend. “why did you never tell me?” his voice was low, sounding almost like a whisper.

“i- i don’t know. i didn’t want to bother anyone, didn’t want to be a burden.” jj stopped moving his hands on her back, instantly lifting his head to look at her.

“okay, know that i’m not mad, but, firstly, i’m not anyone. i’m your best friend, you would never be a burden to me.” his hands moved to her cheeks, lifting her face. “i’ve been through hell and back these past weeks. not seeing you, not talking to you for more than 5 minutes on the phone, not touching you. it nearly killed me, y/n. i was always on the edge of a breakdown, constantly snapping at everyone because i didn’t know how you were doing. were you safe? were you alright? not knowing made me go insane.”

he stopped for a moment to catch his breath. he was pouring his heart out, which he never do, but he just felt like he had to do it now. “and i’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, that’s the last thing i want. i just wish for you to know how much you mean to me. you’re the most important person in my life, you’re my best friend, my ride or die, my partner in crime. you- you’re my first love, and hopefully you’ll be my last one too.”

her eyes went wide at his words, and honestly she thought she heard him wrong. “jj, what- what are you saying?”

“i know the night wasn’t perfect, but please just lemme say this now because i don’t know when i’ll get the same courage again. i love you, y/n. i love everything about you. i love that weird sound you make when you laugh too much, i love how your eyes shine when you’re talking about things you like, i love how after surfing your hair become all curly. hell, i love even the things you do that should piss me off, like when you throw away my joint because i’ve been smoking too much or when you scream at me because i got in a fight with some kooks again. i love you so much it physically hurts.”

her eyes were watery now, tears threatening to coming out in flows. she didn’t know what to say. because seriously, what do you say to someone who sees you as the most incredible human being, when you can’t even love a quarter of yourself?

you say nothing. but you can do something.

that’s why, in the quietness of the night, under the stars and while she was feeling at peace for the first time in weeks, she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against it.

she wasn’t magically healed, she still had things to deal with. but now, she wasn’t on her own anymore.

[mamawasatesttube]

as per the poll results, i wrote around 2k of timkon autumnal indulgence today 🌾🍂🥧

The midmorning wind is brisk, and Tim is glad for the scarf he stole from Kon’s wardrobe earlier. It’s cozy and warm, and it smells like him, and every now and then, when Kon’s busy charming a customer,  Tim buries his nose in it just to indulge. Gertrude catches him pressing the end to his cheek once and titters again, and he looks away quickly under the guise of restocking the pickles on the end of the table.

Pretending to be Kon’s boyfriend for the morning shift at a farmer’s market isn’t the worst thing—it’s not like it’s a date, where Kon’s attention would be on him the whole time, and he’d be overthinking every brush of their fingers. It’s easy to fall into step working by Kon’s side, just like on the battlefield; he handles the cash and the logbook, helps Kon keep the tables fully stocked and neatly arranged, and refills the stand of business cards when they run low.

Kon handles most of the talking—he’s the one who can answer questions about the fruits, veggies, eggs, and the farm in general, and the regulars who swing by all already know him. Tim mostly gets to just smile and wave, nibbling on some carrot sticks between refills from the enormous Thermos of apple cider Kon made for them this morning.

It’s surprisingly peaceful, overall. Sure, it’s fast-paced work, especially when bigger groups come through, and it’s not boring, but Tim finds himself taken aback by how serene it is to stand here in the parking lot of the Smallville Community Center, listening to Kon ramble about chickens (“Hennifer and Leon S. Hennedy got into a fight over some squash pieces the other day, and when I went in to break it up, they both unionized to bite me! Can you believe, the audacity of it all!”).

Penny catches his eye from her camp chair, tipping her styrofoam cup of coffee at him with a knowing glint in her eye. “Honeymoon phase, eh?” she chuckles. “When you can’t stop looking at him and swooning. Everything he does makes you melt, am I right?”

“What?!” Tim is not—he’s not swooning. Or melting, or—or anything of that sort! He’s just standing here. Normally. Suavely, even. “That’s not—I’m not doing that!”

Penny laughs at him, actually slapping her knee as if that’s the funniest thing she’s heard all week. “Sure you’re not, sonny. Oh, you have it bad for Conner. I can’t believe he didn’t bring you ‘round sooner!”

Yeah, well, he only asked Tim to be his fake boyfriend last night, so big surprise there. Tim gulps down the last of his cider as the memory replays in his head for the millionth time.

Right before bed, as they were settling down for the night, Kon plopped down next to him, looking oddly uncertain. He was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, Tim remembers; it stood out at the time, too, because that’s something Kon always does when he gets antsy.

“Hey, Rob,” he said, cheeks pink. “So y’know how there’s the farmer’s market tomorrow? Well, the stall next to ours is run by these two ladies—Gertrude and Penny, they’re super nice, but—well, they keep trying to set me up with Penny’s grandson, and I—man, it’s getting awkward! And, I mean… you’re, you know… you’re my—you’re you, like…”

He trailed off, then, ducking his head, and then reached over and grabbed Tim’s hand. Tim blinked at him, scooting closer, and sleepily lay his head on Kon’s shoulder, and Kon relaxed again at his side.

“So, whaddya say we call tomorrow a date?” Kon’s laughter was nervous, but sweet. “I know, a farmer’s market stall isn’t, like, the most exciting date spot, but we’re in Smallville, so I dunno how high you can set your expectations for that kinda thing, anyway, and hey, it’d get Gertrude and Penny off my back by Bingo next Sunday, so…?”

And Tim’s heart did some weird, flip-floppy, delighted-but-dismayed maneuvers in his chest, because Kon was asking him on a date just to get some old ladies to stop pestering him about his love life. If only it was for real, because he wanted to date Tim, but… Tim will take what he can get, he supposes.

So he said yes, because of course he said yes—how can he ever say no to Kon, when Kon looks at him with those big, soft eyes all full of hope and warmth? Ugh. It’s no fair how cute Kon can be without even trying.

And now here Tim is.

Pining. At a farmer’s market.

[khristie16]

The Fast and Forbidden

Charles is a famous F1 driver with everything one could want: fame, fortune, and fans. But he is missing one thing. Being his new personal assistant changes everything for both of them.

— chapter 3 An unspoken connection builds up and seeing you half naked gives a top to it, right after your date with another guy

warnings: sexual tension, invading privacy (not the intention), charles is chuckling the charles out of him

.........................................................................

I haven't seen Charles for two days. We haven't even spoken. Right after our shared time behind the piano, his brothers came to his apartment to pick him up for the squash that was apparently delayed. I snapped from my sitting position and awkwardly disappeared, resulting in forgetting about the clothes I wanted to laundry. I felt weird. Torn apart. What the hell happened there? I was still overthinking the whole scenery, me and him playing together. Me and my feelings and him and his words. What the hell was he talking about that I am his boat in whatever ocean it was. My frustration grew extremely and I was mad about everything and I did not know where it came from.

After ruminating on the sofa I had bought two days ago at this new and absolutely with nothing in apartment, I had to buy at least few decent things to it. It is not like I care about it much, I'm not gonna stay here for most of the time and I definitely don't call it home. One thing came to my conclusion. I will go on a date. I don't know how or when yet, but I need to go on a date instead of thinking about the weirdfest that is happening between the two of us. What I didn't know though was the fact that Charles ignored me on purpose. He was cursing himself for saying what he said and he didn't know why he said it. It was like that day, that moment he was someone else. He doesn't do these sweet nothings. He isn't like that. And so he ignored YN as much as he could.

On the way to Japan, the ride was quiet. Charles had his AirPods all the time and all I could do was draw some stuff in my notebook. This is actually the only time where my mind doesn't lead. I don't think and that is when I like it the most. That is when I remembered I wanted to go on a date. I decided I will install these trendy apps that are viral nowadays.

''There you have my keys, we are still in separated rooms, but still.''

He nodded in agreement of hoping that I have some common sense and I know what he implies. As I am grabbing the keys from his hands on the corridor in this fancy hotel in Japan, I don't bother to say anything to him. As I turned around to walk to my apartment he said ''I don't need you for today, you have a free time''

I took a deep breath and encouraged myself to go even faster.

Give me your name and I will give you my last name

These guys hereeee. Ugh. Now I remember why I stopped finding my 'match' on these apps. These guys are cringe asf and the only thing they care about is the color of your panties, not your name. I chuckle as I scroll some more on the sofa in the luxurious living room that I roll my eyes at. Anything that reminds me of Charles is annoying. Luxurious cars, clothes and even hotels are annoying because of him. I fumed and threw the phone next to my lying side. My vision goes blur and black as put my hands over my eyes and try to just breathe. Just when I get into the moment, I receive a notification.

It is some guy called Patrick. I looked at his profile and I have to say I was slightly amused. A nice handsome guy, who is appearing normal. I accepted his offer and in one minute I receive his message.

When I saw your face I could not look away:)

I'm not gonna lie, it did flatter me.

Good for you you didn't:)

I'm Patrick. Not from here, as i see you are not from here either I'm YN. I'm just visiting for few days. Better to make it rememberable

I don't know what this guy was but he intrigued me and I accepted to go on a date with him. I put myself together very nicely and went on a date with him. He picked me up in a luxurious car (Charles) and greeted me with a beautiful smile. I had to give him credits for how handsome he is IRL. ''Hello you''

I have to chuckle as I make my finish line to him. ''Well nice to see you too''

I smirk at him and look him in the eyes. Brown eyes. Simple. Nothing complex. Not like Charles's eyes. *(internal grunt)*

''What's wrong?''

He asks me genuinely with frown on his face. I shrug it off with a mild smile that it is nothing, just that I am cold. He raises his eyebrows but don't comment it. Instead he opens the doors for me and I sit down, ready for the adventure of what this date will bring.

The date itself was very nice, a simple dinner with a beautiful view on the city underneath us. Patrick is very casual and calm guy, well mannered and well spoken. There was nothing wrong with him, yet, I felt shallow. I did not feel alive. I thought to it it is because of my shitty mood from earlier. More of someone specific. I checked my phone to see if I am not needed but nothing came.

''I see there is something bothering you''

I lift my gaze and look at Patrick. I give him apologetic smile and take my phone away.

''Just work''

He gives me a knowing smile but he doesn't know it is not the job itself but the person behind it. And I hate myself for letting that happen. I don't want to feel like that, especially with a decent man in front of me. We go back to our conversation and as the time goes by, I finally managed to forget about Charles.

Patrick talked to me about his life, how he started and how it lead him to be where he is now. I genuinely liked to listen to him and it was certain that his guy know what he is doing in life. He has a goal and it appears no struggle take him from it. Unlike me.

When he asks me about my life, I keep it very simple. I don't want to tell him how I lost everything I could, everything I had for the last twenty years known to my life. And there are few things that I am passionate about. one of them are chocolate desserts and so I call for one, to keep the attention from me and my 'old' life.

On our way back to a hotel I stay silent and let my mind wander wherever it wants. Patrick from time to time asked me about something but it looked like he respects my quiet time I need for myself. It is hard to talk when my body is met with so much food to process!

''I know I enjoyed it, I hope you did as well YN''

I smile at him and I cannot lie that it wasn't enjoyable. I give him a light nod with a smile.

He helps me out of the car and then we stand facing each other.

''Can I see you again?''

I look up to his warm brown eyes and melt for a second. They remind me of all those people in my life that I love so much. They are so welcoming. It makes me so vulnerable that I say yes.

I slightly chuckle and keep smiling more to myself than to him. He takes a strand of hair from my face and put it behind my ears.

I see someone familiar on the left and my eyes wander there to see Joris with some other men. My body immediately goes tense and I search for him. But he is not there. Weird.

''You know them?''

I forgot about Patrick at all and my eyes widen at his sudden presence. ''Oh, uhm, yes, they are from work.''

I go back to look at Joris who is watching me closely as well.

''Oh, I see.''

I put my focus back to Patrick and give him a smile. ''Thank you for the date, I enjoyed it.''

He just nodded and kissed my hand with a promising look of a second date.

Right after I left the place in front of the hotel building, I lost track of time and focus on outer world that I just blankly stared on the wall in front of me. As the wall split in a half and opened for me, I blinked from the intrusion and get out from the elevator. I blindly walked to my apartment and opened the doors.

Darkness. Weird, I swear I left the lamp on. As I shrug it off, on my way to the bedroom I semi half get off the dress that were suffocating me the whole time after I ate the delicious chocolate dessert. That is why I get from having a sweet tooth. As I groan with the zipper in my lower back a light hits my senses. I blink many times in order to adjust to the surrounding and when the blurry lines make a form I see Charles staring at me expressionless. I stood there like a thief caught red handed and what gets me moving is his eyes lingering on my exposed chest and stomach.

I immediately cover myself and run to my right, even though I don't know what is there.

''Oh my god, i'm sor-'' ''-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!''

As I lay my back on the wall behind me I struggle to breath as my breathing became shallow. ''I-I thought this is my appartment. I'm so sorry''

All I hear is a chuckle and I frown at the reason for him to chuckle at all! I swear this guy just pisses me off.

''It's okay. What about I give you some space and wait in the corridor?''

I hum back in approval and get back in the dress so I don't walk half naked! With a grunt and victim mindset I get out the bathroom and straight to the door where is Charles waiting. There is a hint of amusement in his eyes and small smirk forming on his lips.

''It's not funny''

He chuckles even more and make few steps to me.

''I have to admit that I am glad I gave you my keys''

I stay watching him closely, with a smirk on his face, with my mouth parted a little at his sudden words and my eyebrows lift up. When I become aware there is silence between us I shut my mouth back again and roll my shoulders back.

''It's not gonna happen again''

I said it more with a threatening undertone and reached for the knob to leave this place. His place.

All I hear on my way out is ''What a shame''

[babymetaldoll]

"Spencer Reid, inked" (Spencer Reid x tattoo artist!reader!)

Part of the "We are not gonna make it" writing challenge @aperrywilliams and I are hosting during October.

Event Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Summary: Spencer gets his first tattoo

Word count: 1.978

Warnings: None

I hated feeling like a cliché. But I was, at least at the moment. That’s what everybody would say if they knew I was going through a middle-age crisis. There was no other way to call it. I was well aware of the symptoms. I was already forty, single, reconsidering my job options and looking for a new career after almost twenty years working for the FBI. 

And the worst symptoms of them all: I was about to get my first tattoo. 

Yes, me. Spencer Walter Reid, germaphobe. 

It hadn’t been an easy decision. God, it hadn’t been an easy year. Everything seemed so useless and pointless at a certain moment like I had wasted so much time overthinking, overanalyzing, over… everything. And I had forgotten one simple thing: living. 

So now at forty years old, I want to start living. And one thing I always imagined I would do but never really thought I could do was get a tattoo. 

Garcia recommended a shop in town. She is the only one who knows I’m planning to do this because a part of me is very embarrassed to share my crisis with my friends. I know they wouldn’t make fun of me, but it’s not something I wanna bring up in any conversation, except for Pen. She is one of my closest friends and I know she would never judge me, or make fun of my insecurities. Actually, when I told her my plans, she even asked if I wanted her to tag along and support me. 

- “Thank you, Garcia. But I think this is something I wanna do alone.” 

- “I get it, boy genius. Just know that I will be a phone call away in case you need me.” 

The tattoo shop she recommended isn’t very busy when I walk in, and a little belle announces my arrival. 

- “Hey! Do you have an appointment?”- a guy asks from the desk and I hesitantly walk over. I’m starting to second-guess this whole plan. Me? Getting a tattoo? Really? 

- “Hi, yes. I talked with (Y/N) on the phone.”

- “(Y/N)!”- the guy yells- “Your eleven am is here!” 

- “I’ll be right there!”

Garcia said this girl is the best tattoo artist she knows and that she is very soft and gentle, which is exactly what I think I need if I’m getting my first tattoo. Right, I don’t even know what I wanna get. I think I should have thought about that before booking this appointment. Maybe I’m gonna waste this woman’s time today and she will do a bad tattoo as revenge. I should probably just leave. 

- “Hey! Spencer, right?”- I hear my name and turn around. But no words come out of my lips ‘cos I was sure I was leaving a second ago, but now… now I should really start talking. 

- “Yes, I’m Spencer. Hi!”- I wave awkwardly as she stares at me with a big smile.

- “Nice to meet you, can I get you anything? Coffee? water?”

- “Thank you, I’m good.”- she walks over to a couch and invites me to sit with her. Garcia didn’t mention the tattoo artist she recommended me was so beautiful and I’m feeling more nervous now than I was when I first got here. And I was considerably nervous a few minutes ago already. 

- “Tell me, why is it that you decided to get a tattoo?”- she looks at me, waiting for an answer, and all I can give her is the truth.   

- “I never considered getting a tattoo until a few days ago. You could call it a middle-aged crisis.”- I chuckle and she smiles at me, which somehow helps me feel calmer.

- “I don’t think I ever considered it before, but now somehow, it just makes sense.” 

- “I don’t consider any crisis a bad thing. Each one is like a reality check that we should pay attention to. I think it’s a way life has to keep us on track of what we should be doing instead of what we think we should do. Does that make any sense?”

I nod and smile at her reply ‘cos it’s a beautiful way to look at a crisis. When you are uncomfortable, you should pay attention and make the changes you need to make. Maybe a tattoo won’t change my life, but it feels like a way to become the man I want to be instead of who I thought I should be. 

- “And do you have an idea of what you want to be your first tattoo? 

- “Uh. Not really”- I look at my hands, embarrassed to deal with my honest truth. But she just chuckles and continues asking.  

- “Not a single idea? There must be something revolving in that mind.”- I raise my eyes and meet hers, and I know I’m blushing, which is embarrassing.- “What do you like?” 

- “I like books”- my nerdy answer makes her eyes shine. Maybe she likes reading as well.  

- “A favorite one?”

- “War and Peace”

- “A Tolstoi fan, I think I can work on that. Sounds good?”- I nod, smiling.  

- “Yeah. Definitely.” 

- “Great! So give me a few minutes to draw a few options. Where do you want your tattoo?”

- “I was thinking in my forearm.”

- “Great choice! That area is low on nerve endings and bone, so it'll be less painful than other areas with thinner skin.”- she looks so excited to share that info I don’t wanna tell her I already knew it, and that is the reason I chose that placement. 

- “Are you sure I can’t get you anything to drink while you wait?”- (Y/N) stands up and looks at me expectantly. 

- “I’m good, thank you.” 

- “Ok, wait here. I’ll be back in a sec.” 

- “Ok Spencer. Ready?”- I’m sitting on (Y/N) chair. My arm rests on a clean sterile bench covered in plastic. She took the time to clean everything in front of me, probably to assure me everything was taken care of before a needle was in sight. 

- “Ready.”- I reply and take a deep breath, trying not to move. But most of all, trying not to shake. 

- “I’m gonna make a short line first, so you can feel how the pain is, ok?”- I just nod and she smiles one more time. - “Stay still.”

My eyes are glued to her hands as she carefully traces a small line on my arm and as soon as she is done, she looks at me, expectantly.

- “How did that feel?”

- “It was good”- I answer and look at the line, now drawn forever on my skin.

- “Not as painful as you imagined?”

- “Not painful at all”

- “Great! Let's continue then.”

I find the process of getting a tattoo relaxing, somehow. Here I am, unable to move for a very long time, forced to talk with a stranger. A beautiful stranger that is, in fact, the nicest woman I’ve met. And though none of that could ever be relaxing to me, she is so good at small talk, she is making me talk the entire time, not overthinking anything. 

- “So, you’ve been with the FBI for over fifteen years?”

- “Basically my entire life.”

- “Did you always envision yourself being a Fed?”

I don’t know if I wanna answer that. Mostly, I don’t know how to deal with that subject at the moment. So I clear my cough and she gets it right away. 

- “We don’t have to talk about that. You could tell me what is it about War and Peace that gets you so much.” 

- “I don’t know. Honestly, I haven’t read a book I didn’t like. Never.”

- “And I have the feeling you read a lot.”

She never looks at me, her eyes are always on my arm as she draws on my skin. But I look at her, analyzing her features and the way her eyebrows are constantly frowning in concentration. 

- “Why?”

- “‘Cause books were the first thing that came to your mind when I asked you what you like.”- she answers and chuckles.- “You have no idea what people answer to that question.” 

- “Surprise me. What’s the weirdest answer you’ve gotten?”- she smiles as she gives the question a little thinking. 

- “I don’t wanna judge! I mean, we all have different lives and tastes and picks… and we have been touched by different things in life… However, it’s always weird when people tell me their favorite thing in the whole world is Homer Simpson.”

I try not to burst out laughing, but it’s nearly impossible. (Y/N) takes the needle just in time before I start roaring with laughter.  

Honestly, I don’t remember when was the last time I laughed that hard. It’s refreshing. Relaxing. Encouraging. I don’t know if it’s the whole tattoo experience or (Y/N)’s company, but I can’t recall feeling this alive and happy in a very long time. 

It’s disappointing when she tells me she is done. She applies a gel on my freshly tattooed skin and invites me to check it in the mirror. And I don’t know how something like this can actually happen, but that’s the moment it actually hits me. I got a tattoo. It’s there, forever in my front arm. 

Spencer Reid inked. 

- “Alright, Dr. Reid.”- she says as she finishes placing a plastic patch on my tattoo.- “Keep this covered for the next 12 hours, then you take it out and wash it with baby soap and apply this cream every eight hours or when it starts to itch.”

I take the box and smile at her as she looks at my arm for one last time before looking directly into my eyes. It makes my heart skip a beat immediately, and I don’t know  

- “Thank you so much.”- I manage to reply.  

- “Not a problem. Technically, it’s my job, though you made it extra nice today, so thank you.”

I don’t know what to answer to that, so I just chuckle and blush. She stares at me in silence as well, but it’s not awkward, it’s… tense? But in a nice way. In a very unknown way as well. I am not familiar with this kind of situation. Or, at least, I don’t think I’m good at dealing with them.  

- “So… Considering this is your first tattoo, and that I am a very professional tattoo artist, I’m gonna give you my number, so in case of any random question or doubt, you can reach me.”- the way her lips turn into a cute and sweet smile at the end of her little speech hints she is not just saying it to be nice. And I like it. 

- “That’s very thoughtful. I appreciate it.”- I offer her my phone and she writes her number on it.- “I’m gonna ring you, so you can save mine.”

- “That’s great.”- and she is beaming. 

- “Can I call you even if I don’t have questions about my tattoo?” 

- “Sure, I can help with music rants if you ever need to talk about that, somehow I’ve also collected a lot of info about nineties trash TV and cult documentaries.”- I chuckle at the selection of subjects and nod. 

- “Why cults?”

- “I’m not sure, I guess you never know when you might need a new asset at work… that doesn't make any sense.”

- “No, but I’ll take it. It’s not the weirdest answer related to cults I’ve gotten.” 

- “Do I wanna know?” 

- “Maybe over coffee?”

- “Pick me up at seven?”- I nod and she smiles one more.- “Good. I’ll see you later then.”

As I walk out of the tattoo shop I feel like a cliché again. I’m in my midlife crisis, I got my first tattoo, and somehow, I feel like a brand new person. I think I like myself a little more after doing this. I don’t think I’ll regret getting this ink done.

[lilacliquors]

happy early birthday! what if it's reader's birthday and hughie and the others are trying to keep her party a surprise but reader thinks they forgot about it and butcher attempts to cheer her up in his own way? if you're not taking fic reqs that's fine too - but i hope you're having an excellent day and birthday to come! <33

a birthday surprise

pairing: (slight) billy butcher x reader, the boys x reader (platonic)

word count: 1116

notes: i loved this so much and also my friends forgot my birthday today so far so

it was strange. no one had been really talking to you much the last few weeks. they were brief conversations, pleasantries were exchanged, and every time to walked by, they would hurriedly stop whispering, though you swore you heard your name come up in conversation. yet, when you asked about it, m.m or hughie were often very quick to reassure you everything was okay. it puzzled you, and maybe even hurt your feelings slightly, but what could you do? you had hoped it would have stopped by your birthday, but that hope was fading, and fast.

the morning of your birthday, you woke up and reached for your phone. you had been hoping to get a few texts overnight from the more late owl-ish ones of the group, like frenchie or or annie, but there was nothing from either of them. of course, you replied to the well wishes from your other friends and family, the ones too far away for you to to be with, but your immediate friends, the family you had forged yourself, there was nothing from them so far. maybe you were just overthinking it, and everything was fine. that thought alone helped you get up out of one of the extra beds butcher had set up in the flatiron building, but when you went down to the main meeting room, no one was even around to greet you. you stood there quietly, just looking around the room, and your shoulders slumped. they hadn’t ever done this to you before, they’d never forgotten your birthday before … but you supposed there was a first time for everything.

sighing, you went to go make yourself a cup of coffee with one of the pods butcher kept near the coffee machine. and as your back was turned, you heard one of the doors open, then shut, and heavy footsteps came up behind you.

“oh good, someone’s finally awake,” billy said, and you merely glanced over your shoulder to look at him.

“oh, uh, yeah. i am,” you replied, then grabbed your ready coffee and added your milk and sugar to it. 

“everything all right?” he asked, and you shrugged your shoulders.

“sure, i guess so.”

“all right, don’t fuck around. tell me what’s bothering you.”

you sighed and sipped at your coffee, avoiding his gaze.

“it’s stupid,” you muttered, and he scoffed.

“could be. but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share it.”

you thought for a moment, then shrugged again and looked up at him. when you did, he watched his expression change ever so slightly, his brows pinching together and his eyes narrowing a bit.

“so far, no one’s remembered my birthday. not even you, from the looks of it,” you said, and he went stiff for a second.

“nonsense, i didn’t forget,” he said, causing you to roll your eyes.

“you didn’t exactly come in wishing me a happy birthday, now did you?”

he couldn’t answer that, it was true. he came in with a few harmless jabs, but that wasn’t exactly what you wanted.

“i didn’t, you’re right. and … i’m sorry. here, let me make it up to you before i call up hughie and yell at him for this.” “no, don’t worry about it. it’s about time i just let go of the whole birthday thing anyways. probably getting too old for it.”

billy shook his head and set a gentle hand on your shoulder, which made you look up at him with a soft sigh.

“nonsense. go get ready, i’m taking you to lunch.”

***

you and butcher were sitting in a diner booth across from each other, eating and talking like two old friends. it was nice, relaxed, and great way to take your mind off of the sadness of earlier. your plates were both nearly cleaned, and you had a milkshake in front of you, something billy encouraged you to get.

“i’m buyin’, so treat yourself,” he had said, and you did so with a bit of hesitation. but overall, it was a nice afternoon out, and you were enjoying yourself. it was the best birthday lunch you’d had in a while, and you almost didn’t want it to end.

“almost time to head back. got lots of work to do,” billy said, and you nodded, using the straw in your glass to stir the last bits of ice cream and whipped cream around.

“i guess so. but thank you for this,” you said, looking up at him with a smile. “i had a really nice time with you.”

“it’s the least i can do. wasn’t exactly a gentleman about it this morning.”

you laughed as he paid the check, and then you left the diner together. you were in much better spirits as you walked down the sidewalk, and you gently nudged billy.

“thanks again. and … don’t yell at the others. i’m sure it was just an accident. we all have a lot going on these days,” you said.

“you sure? you know i don’t mind knocking their heads together every so often,” he said, and you nodded.

“i’m sure.”

you made it back to the flatiron building, and he let you inside first, holding the door open for you. then, you walked the flights of stairs together, and all was quiet. but this time, you weren’t bothered by it. when you made it to the final floor, the one with the group office, billy clapped you on the shoulder gently before pushing the door open.

“happy birthday, luv,” he said, and as you walked inside, everyone jumped out from behind the desks and couches in the room, yelling a synchronous ‘surprise!’.

“what the fuck!” you exclaimed, pressing a hand to your chest as billy came up behind you.

“you didn’t really think they forgot, did you?” he asked, and you turned to look up at him, with wide eyes.

“you knew?” you gasped.

“someone had to distract you long enough for these dickheads to decorate. the one thing they couldn’t manage on their own.”

“sorry we made you think otherwise,” hughie said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, and frenchie nodded, alongside m.m.

“with everything going on, it felt like a surprise party would be a good pick-me-up,” m.m explained, and you smiled a bit.

“well, i appreciate the thought. even if the day didn’t start out great, the second half was a lot better,” you said, glancing at billy, who offered a rare, genuine smile.

“enough sap, let’s get to the drinks,” he said, walking up beside you and setting an arm around your shoulders, leading you into the office, where you had the best party you’d ever had.

[honeygrahambitch]

Summary: Will is jealous.

"So, I can come by when I'm done with work. If Jack doesn't get any new ideas, that should be around 6 p.m." Will said as he parked his car at the FBI academy.

"Make it a 6:30?" Hannibal replied from the other end of the phone. "My masseur is here until then."

"If your back is stiff just say so, maybe I could do something about it."

"As much as I trust your strong Louisiana hands, I'd rather have someone with actual medical knowledge crack my bones, darling."

"Are you saying I'm too rough?"

"I'm just saying, not complaining. I'm looking forward to seeing you later. Don't have dinner at work, I'm cooking for you."

"Yes, sir." Will said and hanged up. Having a cute little woman come over to give him a massage was so stupid. Very in character for Hannibal but stupid to Will. However, the thought didn't give Will a break the whole day.

**

"Beverly." Will finally spoke after overthinking the dialogue for fourteen times in his mind. "Your time to shine has come. I need relationship advice."

Beverly's eyes lit up like two gemstones. "Finally."

"It's not actually advice that I need. I suppose it's some kind of reassurance."

"I'm all ears."

"Today I learnt Hannibal is getting weekly massages."

"That's honestly not surprising."

"I suppose but don't these things get kind of touchy?"

"You're jealous."

"No."

"The day I see you acting jealous has come."

"I'll leave now."

"No, no, no." Beverly jumped in front of him. "Keep going."

"Hannibal is obsessed with me. A young woman in a short skirt and magic hands can't change that."

"You said it yourself, Hannibal is obsessed with you. You shouldn't be worried."

"I'm not worried about what Hannibal could do. But what if she is into him? Why is a woman touching my partner?"

Jack had entered the room just as Will was saying that so he quickly decided to leave before he would get involved into some drama that would have nothing to do with the case.

"Talk to Hannibal about this. I get your point."

"That would only prove I'm insecure."

"No, that would prove you care and that you are actually serious about what the two of you got going on. Hannibal would appreciate your honesty."

"Whatever. I wasted too much time thinking about it. I might bring it up later during dinner."

"I would bring it up if I were you."

"Do you know how casual he was about it? My masseur leaves at 6:30." Will imitated Hannibal.

"Wait." Beverly said. "Did he say masseur or masseuse?"

"Masseur I think? Why?"

"That's not a cute woman in a skirt. That's a man."

Will stepped back until his back hit the desk. "A man is touching my man? I'm killing him."

"Hannibal or the guy?"

"Yes." Will replied and grabbed his car keys. He looked at his watch. If he left now he could still meet this guy and speak his mind. "How could Hannibal think I would be okay with this?"

"Because he is certainly not into that guy. We are talking about Hannibal, Will. He is devoted."

"Are you two done? We need to discuss-" Jack said as he entered again but Will and Beverly stormed right past him out of the room.

"I am the only man who gets to break his back."

"He will love to hear you saying that. Now, go, I will try to calm Jack down. He will lose his mind when he hears you left."

**

When Will parked his car in front of Hannibal's house, it was close to 6:30. He used the spare house keys he owned and bursted in, ready to catch a scene that would give him all the rights in the world to murder them both.

No such scene was happening. Instead, Hannibal and the man were just heading towards the front door. The masseur was probably about to leave and Hannibal was just guiding him out.

Will's anger reached new levels when his first thought was "they are already done".

"Hello, darling. Let me introduce you to Ben. You should let him take care of your ba-" Hannibal could not finish his sentence as Will stormed towards Ben, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and lifted him up against the wall with a loud thud.

"You thought you could touch my man and get away with it?"

"Amore..." Hannibal started not lifting a finger. He was in fact entertained by Will's display of force.

"You're hiding behind your stupid job, hoping you can fool people around when all you are is a perverted scumbag. You're a homewrecker."

The man kept trying to defend himself but Will's grip was so tight that he could not formulate any coherent words.

"He was not actually." Hannibal said.

"Did he see you naked?" Will asked, dropping Ben on the floor and turning to Hannibal. The vein on his temple was threatening to burst.

"Yes."

"Did he touch you?"

"Appropriately." Hannibal replied carefully. "Can I make you some jasmine tea?"

"No." Will refused and grabbed Ben again before he could leave. "What would you do if I had a hot man come home to see me naked?"

"I would kill him. Shred his skin off. Butcher him."

"Then you get me." Will said and with a loud "crack", Ben's body stopped moving. Will dropped him on the floor.

"You can breath now. I'm all yours." Hannibal said, a pleased smile on his face.

That's when Will understood. He looked at the body. Then at Hannibal again.

"This was on purpose. You wanted to see how far I would go."

"And I am very satisfied."

"No kidding. Asshole. You manipulated me."

"I did not. I only told you I was getting a massage."

Will inhaled and exhaled loudly.

"Are you angry?" Hannibal asked the same way a kid would ask after doing something that annoyed his parents.

"Yes but mostly relieved. Don't you dare trick me like that again. I was very serious about it."

"That I have observed. It was impressive. I knew you had it in you but I didn't know you would let me see it. Thank you, Will."

"Shut up. I'm hungry." Will said as he passed by him and headed towards the kitchen.

"What about the body? Will? I really had a nice massage, don't make me drag this body into the basement. Give me a hand. Will?"

"Deal with that on your own." Will shouted from the kitchen.

[kunikukitty]

✐ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!reader

xiii. piece no. 134

At that certain night years ago, what if you didn't force yourself to draw more when you clearly cannot? If you allowed yourself to rest, or even acknowledge your limits...

...would things turn out different then?

"Hey, [Name]. Are you okay?" your classmate, Lynette, asked as she looked at you with a tilted head.

With your droopy eyes you stared at her, confused. When her words finally clicked in, you tried to blink away your sleepiness, "Huh? Oh, yes. I am okay, why?"

Shaking her head, she heaved a sign as her eyes bore at your form. "I hope you are." It seems that she doesn't buy your answer. "Anyway, Faruzan's here."

"Right..." You rose to your feet and gave Lynette a smile. Giving her a small wave, you excused yourself.

And there she is, Faruzan, her worry for you is evident in her face. She immediately grabbed your hand when you went near, "Let's grab lunch together." is all she said, before dragging you out of your classroom.

She made you sit on one of the tables in the canteen. Due to you not getting a blink of sleep last night, you almost fell asleep waiting for her, but the sound of the tray hitting the table awoke you. Palmeni, a traditional snezhnayan dish, one of your favorites so far, and a can of strawberry milk.

"So," She starts, standing beside you, "where were you?"

Before you could even utter a word, she spoke again. "I was so so worried, you know! The whole day I was overthinking about my choice, I regret asking you to go there in my place. You looked so sad when you got home and I assume you did not enjoy your time there at all."

She talked fast you barely understood, especially that you have little to no sleep. You closed your eyes and that made her squish your cheek, "I asked Mona what to do and she just told me that maybe you need to be alone for a moment because maybe you got war shocked or something... and I was really scared I had upset you."

You felt the gentle caress of her hands on your head, gently moving down to cup your cheek. You whined at her when she began to shake your head with low intensity, as if trying to awake you.

"I didn't tell Mona nor Capitano that you weren't on our dorm last night. Where were you? Did you get lost? How were you able to attend your classes today? Where did you get your uniform if you didn't go home?" You heard her sniff a few times, "Seems like you took a bath, but where—"

"I can't catch what you're saying!" You complained and she pinched your cheeks in response.

Faruzan is the most worrywart among your circle, vocal about it too. You could say that she's the mother of the group, but in all honesty, she's the least you're closed with.

You were besties with Mona since your elementary days, you both knew Capitano since then but only as classmates. Surprisingly, you three are still classmates by the time you reached highschool, and that's why Mona decided to befriend him this time. Shortly you became trio, then itto came along because proclaims to be Capitano's best dude, but he had his own circle that time. Faruzan then befriended Capitano, and that's how she got in the group. Hutao came last, with itto (again), just as when Capitano left the country.

You sighed. Ever since the exchange student program started, it felt like it was a given chance to strengthen your friendship with Faruzan. At first, you feel awkward to share a dorm room with her, but nonetheless it is better than sharing it with a stranger. You never had the chance to be alone with her before. Anytime you and your friends would go out somewhere, there was never a time that it is just you and her— there's always a third person or fourth. The whole airplane trip to Snezhnaya was the first time, and you enjoyed it.

Before this all started, you were really nervous. But now? it feels so comforting. Being with Faruzan is like becoming a child again. She scolds you like a strict mother and dotes on you like you're her favorite daughter.

She sighed. "Were you with Capitano?"

You shook your head then explained your whereabouts. "At morning I wanted fresh air so I went outside, I don't feel like talking to anybody so... yeah."

"You were just outside the whole time?" You nodded. "Where exactly?"

"Anywhere... I was just walking to my heart's content and—" you yawned, "I didn't realize it was late at night, I went home, then I couldn't sleep so I just prepared for classes the next morning."

"So you managed to get back to our dorm?"

"Hey," You glared at her and she only raised an eyebrow in response. "Mindless walking brought me there, I guess. Anyway, I'm hungry."

You heard her heave a sigh again as she watched you stuff your mouth with the food she bought. "I'll walk you to our dorm later, okay?"

prev | masterlist | next

note. I GOT IN ARGEGSHSHSBSVSHSH I GOT IN IM GONNA BE AN ARCHI STUDENT GRAAAAAAA

taglist. @veekoko @aeongiies @featuredtofu @kodzusmiles @magica-ren @feiherp @beriiov @hiraethhv @kleej @eutopiastar @keiiqq @bananasquash @kuniisvt @tamikahoshiko @scaraenthusiast1 @sketcheeee @xxrougefangxx @luciledreamz @icomeheretolaughnottofeel @sereniteav @lily-lmao @h3xi2g0n3 (i cant tag those in bold)

[dawnoftime22]

"...and it just did."

| W.M ( -> N.R)

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 5

Chapter Warnings: A very emotionally packed chapter, relationship problems, cheating, arguing, anxiety, overthinking, andd...just be prepared.

Summary: The truth unfolds itself easily on a special day.

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 8.7k (...oops)

Category: Angst.

A/N: this chapter has been eeeeverywhere with me. I wrote it in the car, at work, in my bedroom, and even at a hotel room. but, I hope you all enjoy<3 it's a whole lot, so it was quite difficult to finish, but february's over and I have more free time again!

also theres a playlist for this series out now :] in case you need something to listen to while reading. be careful while scrolling the songs to avoid just bits of teensy spoilers<3

Series Playlist

| Started on 10/01/2024, 12:16 PM |

| Finished on 05/03/2024, 3:45 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 4 Chapter 6 ->

"What is there to say?"

|——————————— ᗢ ———————————|

You drag your feet across the wooden floorboards, making your way towards the kitchen. Here it is again, the same routine. But yet this time, you see a sticky note left on the marble counter, illuminated by a dim overhead lighting.

You furrow your eyebrows, but go over to read it anyway, the bright color a big difference to the white counter. 'might not be home until tomorrow,' was written on the piece of paper. Your heart didn't drop as much anymore. Your shoulders only droop a little, as if just a teensy bit more weight had been added.

A quiet breath leaves your mouth. Your hand picks up the sticky note and scraps it up within your palms, throwing it off to a nearby trashcan in the kitchen. Who else needed to read it anyway? It was only for you. Only for you.

You shook your head of the remaining thoughts you had of her, but she couldn't quite leave your mind at least once. Always there. Always lingering. As if you had been cursed. But in honest truth, the only curse you had upon you was the spell of love.

Today was a special day. Key word on the was. Some type of hope swirling in your heart maybe had you looking forward to this day, but all of it had just gone down along with the piece of paper in the trash. Your eyes also flicker to it once more, seeing the many other colored paper sitting scrunched up with the one from just now. At least she had the decency to still leave notes.

But, today was, of course...your birthday. And out of all the people, your favorite person was certainly not present. Maybe she had forgotten, you thought. Maybe she just didn't care enough this year...no, how could she?

You snap yourself out, having stared off at the sunlight shining in through the windows. You go to the fridge to see what was still in there. A bitten sandwich from last night, and some leftover chickens, but your lip forms a line and you close it, your hand dropping off to your pocket to retrieve your phone.

It was currently 9:45 AM, the digits frozen still on the same numbers until the full sixty seconds passes by. Your mind was in a haze, but your stomach was empty and it urged you to find some food. Were you just going to go out by yourself? Your body seemed to stop you from even going to the living room. Take-out was an option, but instead you simply laid your phone down on the counter, it making a small noise, the textures clashing.

You put your head in your hands, covering up your face and sliding your fingers across your skin, your palm cupping your own cheeks as a way to get a grip of yourself.

Your phone came up with a notification of your calendar, getting out with a reminder of your birthday. What great timing. You clear it off your screen and unlock your phone, roaming the apps.

Just as you were about to push yourself off the counter and grab the last of the food in the fridge, your screen changes without you touching anything. The contact name came up with...Carol?

Your face relaxes a bit and your thumb hesitantly goes to pick it up rather than tap on the red button, the ringing going away. The phone goes along with your hand when you put it against your ear.

"Hey Carol." You say casually, trying your best not to sound too questionable, as it wasn't usual that she'd call you. You hear some distinct voices whispering in the background of her side, one sounding like a young kid.

"Hey, just wanted to call and um...check in on you?" Her voice ended up sounding questionable instead, and your face goes into a confused reaction, although a smile growing on your lips. You let out a small chuckle, your eyes roaming the space of the room as you thought of your words.

"'Check in on me?' Come on, you rarely do that." Your hand goes to grab a nearby notebook that's been left on the counter, saved for recipes. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to say happy birthday to you. Maria reminded me and she and Monica got me to...call you." You assume she had a small pause in her sentence because she was looking over at the other two people in the room with her, which was who you had heard earlier.

"That's nice of her. And thank you." The pages of the book was soft against your hands, your fingers tracing and fiddling with some as you smiled softly at the thought of Maria scolding Carol for having forgotten.

"Well that, or, I would probably not have any pancakes for myself right about now." She says, her mouth nearly sounding like it was full. You'd guessed it was.

"Even though you were threatened to wish me, thank you." You add on, laughing gently as you did. There was a page you landed on in the notebook with a cookie recipe. One, specifically where you and Wanda had made together, having shared a wonderful memory that day.

You could feel your heart beat within your chest, the pace going quicker as your eyes looked over the words written on the paper that was accompanied with smiley faces and hearts here and there.

The smile on your face had definitely faltered. You take in a deep breath, letting it out once you let yourself close the book. Carol's voice snaps you back to reality, having remembered you were talking with her.

"I'm kidding, I would've called you up either way. Really though, how are you?" Your teeth sank down on your bottom lip, probably enough to puncture the skin or leave a small mark, but you let it go once you talked.

"I'm...fine. Other than sitting in my house alone not knowing what to do than sulk in bed or contemplating my life choices." With that answer, the blonde definitely knew something wasn't entirely right. She stays quiet for a while, perhaps thinking.

"Do you wanna go out and hang at the bar? We can do some karaoke if you want that as a birthday present." She offers, and the attempt makes you smile weakly. She never really knew what to do for your birthday, not being the type to do birthdays more than just a simple wish to them. But for you, she'd offer to hang out, which is what you love to do most of the time.

"Sorry, but I don't really feel like partying or anything right about now. Well, tempting, but, I just wanna relax." You say quietly, sliding the recipe book back to its original place.

"Okay, then..." Carol trails off as her mind tries to come up with some more ideas. You were about to think she was going to just hang up sooner or later, but then you hear her voice continue with a more interesting take.

"There's the mall." You raise your eyebrows. She couldn't see you with you being over the phone, but she just knew you were probably surprised. And you were.

"And what would we do there?" You ask, your mind unable to conjure up the slightest of an imagination of going to the mall with her in a casual situation.

"Well, we could grab some ice cream, buy some things, go to the arcade, go...I don't know." She suggests, just nearly giving up. She wasn't good at this type of stuff really, she's simply basing it off of the times she and Monica hangs out together. You could at least picture the straight line her mouth forms when she finished her sentence, and you had to resist a laugh.

"Ice cream does sound really good." Your mind opened a little with the simple thought of ice cream. Even though the comfort of your bed and the couch seemed nicer, it's not a lot of times she ends up inviting you to hang out like this anyway.

"The mall it is." The blonde says, and you can hear some clatter over the phone. She had finished her pancakes, you supposed.

"Am I driving or...?" You trail off, fiddling around with your fingers and sliding them against the marble counter, the coldness a difference to the sunlight coming from the window.

"I'll pick you up." You then hear the sound of keys, and you couldn't back out anymore. She was driving to your house to grab you, and it'd be impolite to cancel.

"Okay." You say under a breath, feeling heavier with every second that goes by. The guilt and anxiety was eating you up, but the date on the calendar just next to the recipe book had your mind getting out of the thoughts.

"I'll be there in 10. Please don't be glued to your bed when I arrive," She said, to which you let out a quiet chuckle. You couldn't really tell if it was in a stern way or a soft way, but it definitely pushed you a little more to get up and change your clothes.

"I won't. See you here." You say gently and the end tone sounds out, making you pull your phone away from your ear.

With that decided, you push yourself off the counter, slowly going off to the bedroom. The closet opens easily, revealing the same clothes you see every day. You shuffle through some of the hanged shirts, looking at what to wear.

Soon enough, you pull one out. It easily slides off, brushing against the many other shirts within the closet. Your eyes don't linger on the other ones that weren't yours, and you close the door after grabbing everything else.

Later on, you get finished up with changing your clothes, and now you were only waiting for Carol to arrive. There was something that prickled within your heart, like a roses stem with thorns, a worry that maybe she changed her mind and she actually didn't want to hang out with you. Maybe she was only doing it out of sympathy? But that can't be true. What about all the times she's driven you back home when you got a little too many drinks?

...You take a deep breath and turn away from the wall you were staring off into like it was the abyss. Instead your hands checked that you had everything on you, like your phone, keys, and your watch.

Then, the sound of a car pulling up at the front of the house made you look up, your eyes carefully watching the windows. You see a Nissan outside, and it was obvious it was Carol arriving.

Quickly, you got off the couch while your phone made sound, definitely a text message from her that she's arrived. You open the front door, going outside. Her blonde hair could be seen clearly through the car windows, confirming the person in your head.

You make your way to the car, opening the front passenger door. "Hey," you say gently, going in and and closing the door along with you.

"Hey." your greetings were simple, a usual thing to happen. Carol glanced at you while you buckled in, giving you a small smile before starting to slowly position the car back to the roads.

The car had some old soft rock playing, filling up the quietness. It also had you already moving just a little to the beats, staring out the window as she drove you both to the mall. She's always had good playlists. Sometimes you'd even have an urge to ask her to give you some of her cds.

"So, what are you aiming to steal my money for today?" She jokes after a song, her eyes focused on the roads. You let out a small chuckle, looking over to her.

"I'm not letting you spend your money on me for something that isn't a drink." You shake your head, fiddling around with your fingers in your lap. The blonde notices it when her eyes flicker over to you for a second before returning to the roads.

"It's your birthday, Y/N. You have to have a little fun. Let loose," she says, and you raise an eyebrow, turning your head to her. The last two words were new, at least when it comes out of her mouth.

"Maria's words, not mine." she quickly stated, making a smile grow on your face. You stop fiddling with your fingers and instead intertwine them with each other, your gaze going back to the window.

"Come on, any ideas?" The car stops at a red light, and she looks over to you. You stayed quiet in thought, although nothing much came up. She sees only the side of your head until you made your decision.

"We'll do yours," you say, having unable to think of anything. Your mind was clouded over. Honestly, a part of your body just wanted to lie in bed hopelessly the whole day, but something else pulled you.

"Then it's settled," she nods, the steering wheel turning with her hand as she made a right. You think over her words on the phone call earlier, 'Ice cream, buy some things, arcade', and you start to get just a bit more excited.

"Ice cream first?" You ask, looking to her with hope. She furrows her eyebrows and makes a face to you, and your lip forms a tight line, like a child asking for something and getting scared of the answer.

"Of course ice cream goes first." The car goes forwards once more, the light having turned green. You cheer quietly, and she gently shakes her head at your antics. At least she got you to release the emotional tension you had in your body. Even if just a little.

The rest of the car ride consisted of singing and dancing, the conversations being light. The weight on your shoulders got lifted up just a little bit more. When you were about to arrive and she was going to park, 'Please Mr. Postman' started playing and your face brightened at the intro.

She raised her eyebrows at your quick happiness at the simple song, but smiled and laughed at how fast you got into singing it. Really, it's always been a main song for whenever you hanged out, but it's been so long since she saw you sing it, she got surprised. Soon enough though, she sang with you, the two of you moving in your seats to the words.

When the song ends, she turns off the engine and both of you get out the car. The parking lot wasn't all that filled up, so it was a chance there weren't many people in the mall.

She puts on her cap and walks to the entrance with you behind her, the noise of crows and other birds made sound, echoing from somewhere afar as you made your way to the sliding doors.

The cold air of the mall quickly greeted you like a slap of reality in the face, like waking yourself up with a cold shower after laying in bed for too, too long. A way to make you feel more alive.

The ice cream shop wasn't far, and with how little amount of people were here, the two of you got to go to the counter right when you arrive to order your preferred flavour.

Your eyes watch the ice cream get put on the cone, and you do a little dance when your hand got ahold of it, while Carol was giving her money to the cashier of the total cost.

The cashier smiles at the two of you and says their 'thank you', making you smile back before turning around, Carol easily catching up with you from your slow walking.

The two of you walk and enjoy your ice cream, the coldness definitely making you more free feeling. There were clothing stores, shoe stores, little snack shops, and every other thing you could ever imagine. You passed by each one though, but you did point out some cool looking things here and there to Carol.

Soon enough, you come upon a pet shop and your eyes widen, your lips matching with a smile. You walk towards it, wanting to look at all the animals. Carol had to walk faster so she didn't lose you.

There were parrots, cats, dogs, hamsters, fishes, bunnies, and even some lizards. Your mouth was agape as you stared at some of them, but you walk over to the cats.

"Aw, look!" You point at an orange cat, who's sitting patiently with it's tail smoothly flicking back and forth as it watched people pass by.

Carol was looking at the dogs until you called, making her go over to you to see what you were melted at. As if you hadn't already from the other little animals.

"This one is so cute." You lean forward and capture the attention of the cat, making it stand up and walk closer to you.

Carol's head tilted slightly and her eyes squinted as she inspected the info of the cat. The name, the breed, the date and place of birth... "...Goose. Huh."

"I want to take it home." You blurt out as you let the cat follow your hand around, and its head moves here and there instead of its body. It was a playful cat, a paw going up here and there to reach out to you.

"You should get it if you love it that much." Carol says, with her usual deadpan voice that you honestly find amusing. Although, for this, your face turns deadpanned instead and you stare at her, making her raise your eyebrows at you. It was nearly a staredown.

"Danvers, I cannot take care of a cat...let alone myself." You gesture to the cat, and it looked at you questionably. Your shoulders slump a little at the last words of your sentence, and Carol frowns a little.

"I'm sure it'll be able to help you cope or something." Really, she was thinking in her head of surprising it to you as a birthday present for later tonight when she sends you home.

"Why don't you get it? I think Monica would go crazy." You glance back at her, and she purses her lips, staring at the cat. It was the most vibrant color of all the other cats.

"And Maria would go crazier." She said, turning to you for a second but then going back to the entrance of the shop instead, perhaps making her escape from you flipping the table to her.

"You can convince her." You say, the volume of your voice going up a little considering she's farther away. You take a quick glance back at the cat, hesitating to leave, but going away to catch up to the blonde.

"No, now, we are going to the arcade." You laugh when you hear her stern voice, although something in you knew she had a thought about getting it.

You looked around as you walked, seeing the arcade not far away now, the place lit up by machines and screens. But something caught your eye and made you look twice.

Were you dreaming? Well...having a nightmare? You felt like so. Your body definitely didn't react in a good way. Honestly, your heart felt like you were about to have a heart attack with how fast it was beating.

Carol's hat made shade for her face from the sun coming through the mall's glass roof as she walked. She stops along with you when she noticed, confusion filling her face at the sudden stop.

When she follows your eyes to where you were looking though, immediately her eyes widen and her face was in complete shock just as yours were.

A brunette, green eyes...green jacket...

It couldn't have been.

You look closer on the face, and it was. And her hand was not swinging by itself as she walked.

It wasn't with your hand either, because you were plenty of feet away from her.

It was with someone else. Something in the back of your mind felt like they were familiar, although you couldn't even dare focus on that.

Your whole day-- well, your whole world fell apart right then and there. Just like that.

You can feel your heart beating up to your ears, and it felt like time stopped. And not in the good way. Oh, you wish. You wish it was the time you saw her green eyes staring back at you and the whole world only felt like it held the two of you. But not anymore.

Maybe it was the numbing adrenaline rush of the shock coming through, but you take in a deep breath, ripping your gaze away. You couldn't bare to look at the sight anymore.

You clench your jaw, your hand gripping itself in a fist. Your eyes pooled with tears and Carol looked at you, her own misery at finding out the truth obvious on her face, although she was mostly worried about you.

"You know what? Maybe we can...do this another day." You say, trying your best to not let your voice shake entirely, but it did falter.

"You don't wanna--" She was about to suggest trying to distract yourself with the arcade, but at the same time, nothing could make you feel better after seeing such a thing.

"Just take me home." Your mouth moved quickly and you spoke quietly, your eyes flicking back to the spot where she was walking, but she was out of sights already.

You turn around and walk fast, not wanting to linger anymore. Carol walks with you. There was nothing said as you made your way out and to the car. The lovely sounds of the birds chirping now fell on deaf ears as your legs kept you moving.

The car door opens easily with the pull of your hand, and you get in, but you were careful to not slam the door. Carol gets in after you, and turns on the engine.

Her eyes go over to you. You already had your seatbelt on and had settled in your seat, staring out the window. She was about to say something, but she held her tongue, not wanting to make matters worse.

And what would anyone have to say in this anyway? Your lover left you, replaced you with someone else, and broke your heart. 'It will get better'? The only path to take was to go through the pain and that was it. Until you somehow get back up again.

The music starts up once more, and it didn't make you happy as much anymore. You couldn't even focus on it if you tried. You were trying to blink away the tears and ignore the way your throat was swelling up on the inside.

Carol drives you back home safely, keeping her eyes on you here and there. The ride was quiet other than the music, but it was obvious the tension was high.

There were questions unsaid, many going around in your head, but you didn't wanna trouble her with all of them, and she probably wouldn't know what to answer them with anyway.

Soon enough, you arrive back to your house, and you gently unbuckle your seatbelt. At the corner of your eyes, your tears were starting to seep out, just a little.

Carol makes sure she says something before she regrets just being silent, "Hey," she said quietly, and you look at her, your eyes shining with unshed tears. It was the softest you've heard her voice yet.

"I'm always here, if you need me," she says. She knows it won't be much, but it needed to get out of her head. You nod, and sniffle, trying your best to not cry just yet.

You don't say anything back. If you did, you would've broken right there. Instead, you pull on the car handle and open the door, getting out.

Carol watches you as you leave, and she makes sure you get into your house safely before getting out the driveway.

You close the front door of the house, locking it, and freezing in your tracks, taking in a sharp breath before letting it out as a sigh. You nearly hoped it didn't happen, that you would only do that and just wake up from sleeping right now.

But then you let out a sob and lean back on the closed door. You hide your face in your hands, closing your eyes as you started crying, and your chest wracks with broken sobs.

How could she do such a thing? Did she not love you? Were you simply not enough? Too much? You couldn't stop yourself with the questions roaming your head, overthinking everything as you go. The kindest soul with the warmest heart, now broken into a tiny million pieces just because someone couldn't talk about their feelings. Yet you seem to always find a way to blame yourself for every situation.

Sure, maybe even if she did talk to you, your heart would still break, but would it have felt like this? Would it have felt like your lungs were going to collapse from your cries?

You sniffle, and try your best to steady your breathing, but you couldn't, so you just let it do whatever it wants. You wipe your eyes with your sleeve, but the tears keep flowing, so it barely did much.

Fatiguely, with a heavy body, you made your way to the kitchen. You wanted to go to the bedroom, but it was so far, and everything in there would only make your head spin even more. The couch was a choice, but your eyes linger on that recipe book you had looked through this morning.

Your hand twitches to grab it, but you bite your tongue and instead grip the counter, letting yourself slide down on the kitchen floor. You clutch your legs and curl up. The grip your hands held with the fabric of your jeans were enough to probably rip them.

You still had hiccups leaving your mouth, tears leaving your eyes, and you were definitely about to sob once more. The kitchen tiles blurred from your vision getting clouded with tears.

Your hands clumsily reaches in your pocket to grab your phone, and you somehow made it to your homescreen.

The phone was set down on the floor, your hands shaking as your tears rolled down to your chin and dropped down to stain your shirt.

You look up, trying to gather yourself up, but of course you couldn't. Your body needed to let the emotions out, especially after such a situation.

For a few more long minutes, you sat helplessly on the kitchen floor, your breaths going with their own minds instead of your own. You take a few deep breaths, your legs splayed out in front of you before you sniffle and take one last deep breath.

You sat up a little more properly with the little energy you have, and slide your phone just a bit closer to yourself, your fingers gliding across the screen as you opened your calls app, and hovered your finger over the contact name.

You tap on it, trying your best to recollect yourself before she picks up. Your teeth bites down on your bottom lip, every tone of the calling sound making your heart beat faster.

It ends, and her voice comes through.

"Hello?" There's the soft voice. The gentle, soothing voice that lured you into falling in love.

"Wanda." Your voice nearly faltered, but it kept a little of it's stern tone. Your hand slid down to the kitchen floor, the texture keeping your emotions steady, at least enough for a couple minutes.

"Hey, what's up? Did you see my note?" She asks. She's been lying to your face all this time and you didn't even know it. How blind were you?

"Do you know what day it is today?" You ask, ignoring her own question. You sounded so calm in your own anger you honestly nearly even scared yourself.

"No...what?" She was confused, and you could imagine the innocent act of a face she made.

"It's my birthday." You put simply.

"Oh..." that was all that sounded on the phone, and you knew the call didn't get cut off. She just didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay Y/N, I...forgot." She says slowly, and it was obvious she was trying to tread her tracks carefully.

"I can come back tonight, I promise." You almost didn't want her to, but you needed to talk it out. You didn't say anything else, not wanting to talk about everything else over the phone.

"Goodbye, Wanda." You whisper, your voice breaking at the end. You were sure she noticed it, but you'd want her to anyway.

You ended the call, tapping on the red button. That wasn't the end of it yet, of course, but for now, your hand only rests on the floor, your body falling limp against the cabinet.

She calls, but you don't hear it. The phone rings, on, and on.

You clench your jaw, tears filling up in your eyes once more. Your hand weakly silences your phone, and for the next couple more minutes, you lay crying, until your throat was dry and your muscles ached from sitting on the floor.

|——————————— ᗢ ———————————|

The sun had gone down by now, and the moon came out of hiding.

You were no longer on the kitchen floor, but you were on the couch, curled up like a cat. You haven't done anything but cry ever since you got home. Only right now, your tears had dried, staining your cheeks

You hear the front door unlock, and you feel it coming, the moment you've been dreading.

The brunette appears from behind the door, closing it as she went in the house. Her eyes roamed the place, and eventually, it lands on you.

She lets out a sigh of relief when she realized you were still here. You let out a heavy sigh as you sat up properly.

She heard it. Even with the distance, the quietness of the room captured it. Her heart beated harder in her chest.

"Y/N, please, I'm sorry." She pleads as she makes her way to the couch, having carelessly kicked her shoes off, leaving one tilted on its side. You haven't even said anything yet, and you almost feel sorry yourself.

"Hey,"-- You were sitting right beside the armrest, so, she leans over and gently puts her hand on your cheek. --"I love you. I'm sorry."

You gently push away her hand, turning to look at her with your jaw clenching. She can see the anger in your eyes and it had her giving you a little space.

"Do you?" You say, your head moving slightly, and she notices the way the corner of your eyes seemed a little red. You weren't even looking at her. That was only the second part of the situation.

"Yes!" She says her eyebrows furrowed. She raises her hands in exaggeration before moving one up to her hair, sliding it back as she let out a breath. "...Why is that difficult to understand?"

"Well, maybe because you didn't even say anything when I said it to you just a few days ago!" Her mouth opens, and you assumed she was about to argue that she was drunk during that time, but she lets out a scoff, and that's even worse.

"You're pissed off about that too?" She seemed mad, and you nearly regret even blurting out the sentence.

You close your eyes with your hands, just wanting this to end even though it's just started and just barely scratched surface of what you need to talk about...or argue. You hoped it was the first one.

"Of course I am, Wanda! Where have you been?" You try your best to keep calm, but your voice was laced with anger. Hers though, was higher volume than yours.

"At work!" She walks around to the front of the couch, and you slide your hand down your face. Her face looked so believable, but you knew it wasn't the truth. You saw it with your own eyes.

"Bullshit." You whispered, looking at her with tired eyes. She gets confused and sits down on the couch, her eyes focused on you. You shift your position.

"What? I'm not ly--..." Her voice was a little high of a volume, and she doesn't finish her sentence when she hears you take in a shaky breath.

"...I...saw you." You said quietly, and Wanda, having been caught up in trying to make you believe her had to go quiet in thought of what exactly you mean.

She swallows down a lump in her throat, her eyes catching yours.

"Saw me?" She asked, her voice reducing down to almost the same volume as yours.

"You...were with someone else." You were shaking and your breath was trembling. You willed everything in your body not to sob while trying to get the rest of the sentences out. Her eyes widened at your words, and that was it.

"And I know it's not another person, because I saw your face." You point your finger to her, gently pushing on her chest with it to enunciate your words. Gently. You were never the type to lash out or be rough even when you were angry.

She goes quiet. Both pairs of your eyes were welling up with tears, that much was obvious. Any other words she's had before had died in her throat.

You see a tear rolling down her cheek from the side, and you held your hands back from wiping it off.

She looks at you, guilt swimming in her eyes, and she takes a shaky breath in before letting it go.

"...There's really..." She looks away from you, unable to even stare back at you. Your heart felt heavier than you knew it could.

"...nothing I could say or do to make you feel better." She said tearfully, her lips going down as she thought of her next words. She swallows her collected saliva again. That hit you like a million little glass pieces piercing through every part of your living, loving soul.

There really was not much she could reason with other than the fact that it had been true. She's fallen out of love with you, but even she didn't want to admit it.

"I've been with someone else. I...wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how." She admitted with her shoulders going up at her last words. There it was. The truth coming straight out of her mouth. Your lips nearly trembled, but your teeth sank down on it.

"How...long?" You ask, and you almost didn't want to know, but for the sake of closure, you urged on. She stays quiet, her own hands gripping the couch.

"How long, Wanda?" You pressed. Was it a month ago? It couldn't have been longer than that.

"Only after eight months of us moving here." It was before you even had your break. You made the math quickly in your head. You moved in a little more than a year ago, so it's been...six months?

You had been in this devouring hole for six months, and you hadn't even realized it. And she didn't tell you or break up with you. Instead she requested a break. No wonder your hope had died to sparks and to nothingness.

"What?" You whispered under your quivering breath, your head tilting in disbelief as your eyes spilled out in silent tears.

"Wanda." You say her name softly. She looked down in her lap as you let out another breath that nearly sounded like a sob. She sniffles, and you know the both of your hearts are breaking.

"Why?" You ask, although it was more of a thought from your head that spewed out unintentionally rather than a logical question. She couldn't answer. She didn't have an answer herself. It just happened. That's how it always is.

"...I thought you loved me." Your voice was small, as if speaking any louder would make the entire universe disappear in fear, just like your love had.

"I did! Or, I do!! I don't know!!!" She blurts out, not being able to decide which one. Her body had deflated at the high chance of losing you tonight.

"So you fell out of love with me completely?" Your eyes watch her carefully, and just for a vivid moment, she hesitantly, just barely nods.

"And you didn't think to just...break it off." You whisper, although it was more of a sentence to yourself. But she heard it anyway. It was obvious what you were pointing towards in your sentence. She sighs. She knows she's taken a step she couldn't take back.

Really, how can someone bring theirselves to having a full conversation about falling out of love? It's a difficult thing to do. Sure, you'd be heartbroken either way, or somehow you would have been able to work it out, but you supposed something else in you just wished you hadn't suffered all those months hoping for absolutely...nothing.

The two of you sit in the silence of what you'd think is death, not knowing what exactly to do with it all. The love you once had was gone. Or at least...hers.

Something spins around in your head. It's been spinning for ages since she had called to take a break, and you had hoped you never had to say it, but what else was there? You could start over, but this love had already started over before. Or had tried to. Technically it was both. This was the end of the road.

"...It's over." You whisper out into the room, and Wanda finally glanced up at you, her face full of heartbreak. Even though she probably saw it coming. You've seen that look before, and your stomach was about to collapse at even a second of it. You kept the eye contact though, needing to fully close this.

In a way, you searched her eyes, for some reason, still searching for anything that once was. But there wasn't anything but hopeless desperation.

"No...no please, I need you." She says, taking breaths in between as she cried. You hated seeing her like this. But you hated going in circles just as much.

"If you really did, then you wouldn't have done such a thing." She had nothing else to say to that. It had been your breaking point. You averted your gaze and stood up, hesitating for a moment, but eventually going off to the bedroom as she sat there in the consequences of her actions.

You walk into the room and close the door, locking it right after. You gently lean your head against the door, while silent tears freely move down your skin. The supply of water in your body was definitely infinite for today. A part of you wanted to laugh at the mere thought, and just to cope, but you were too tired to even do so.

You take in a breath, looking up to the ceiling as you felt your throat swell up, but you try your best to be quiet. You'd hate for her to hear you sob in the other room. She might be doing the same thing herself. You squeeze your eyes shut for a short time, wishing for it all to just stop.

And technically it's about to.

Gently, you push off the bedroom door and your legs take you to the front of your closet. The next move was obvious.

Your hands clenched theirselves as your eyes stare at the closet doors. You take a look around the room, taking in the space with your eyes lingering on some parts. The book Wanda hasn't finished reading. She stopped reading it ever since she started to disappear. You should have seen the signs.

The little teddy bear she got, the daisies you got her in the corner of the room, the DVDs she has in the TV stand, the music collection you have next to it.

You rip your gaze away and let your hands open the closet doors. A travel bag and a luggage bag was just under the hanged clothes, sitting within a compartment.

With trembling hands, you slide both out, putting them on the bed and unzipping them. It was the same bags you used to move into the house.

You grab some of the clothes you once shuffled through just earlier this morning, making sure to remember which ones are Wanda's, and not yours.

They were placed into the bags, and you stared at the folded shirts. They looked wrong. You throw your head back with a sigh, frustrated. The bed dips when you sat on it, the bags moving along just a little with it.

What are you thinking? The promise to stay, to fight through it all, it had all fallen apart. The one person you didn't leave after just a few months, and yet here you are. Packing. You let your body fall down completely on the mattress, legs dangling while you stared at the ceiling.

How many times have you stared up there? You don't even want to know. Before you lost all motivation and your emotions ran slow, you slowly prop yourself up to your arms and got back up. If you stopped now, you won't be gone in the morning.

Toothbrush, toothpaste, everything else you need and all the essentials. The last of it gets stored in the empty parts, and with the quiet sound of the zipper zipping, it was done.

With a relieved sigh that you could now simply lay on the pillows, your arms splayed out, your body giving up the last of its energy. You definitely couldn't get up anymore to do anything else.

This was the last night you were sleeping in this bed.

The crickets couldn't be any more louder with filling up the silence. You hated it. It felt too short, but all at the same time, it feels like it's gone on for too long.

Your vision faded into black as your mind stayed loud, up until it crept into your dreams. She slept on the couch that night.

In the morning, you woke up heavy and go through everything as if you didn't even sleep. Not even a cold shower helped you. Honestly, it might have just helped numbing the pain in your chest instead. You gather your items, gripping your bags tightly.

What if you just drop them and simply isolate yourself in the room? No. You shook your head, walking over to the door.

Your hand remains on the cold door knob for a short while, and you almost stay long enough to have it warmed up from your skin. It gets twisted though, and you open it.

If not for the sleeping figure on the couch, it would have been an empty room. You walk out to the front door with your eyes lingering on her.

Maybe her love was too good for you anyway. You just couldn't give her enough. Or too much. It didn't even make sense anymore. There was no in between your heart and mind could agree on. Even you didn't know what you were thinking.

Just as you click open the lock and went to open the front door, she slowly awakes. The shuffling makes you turn to look at her. You catch the realization and sadness in her eyes when you locked sights. Damn the loud clicks and creaking sounds of the doors.

"Where are you going?" She asks, but it was more of a question, than her wanting to stop you.

"Somewhere that isn't here." You say quietly, like a secret thats not meant to be said. She stares off into a space in the room, lost in thought.

"I really am sorry." You hold your breath a little longer, waiting for her to say something else. But she didn't.

There wasn't anything possible to heal the broken love you held. Maybe if she gave in, but her hands had been touched by someone else and her lips...perhaps had met another's.

"I love you." You whispered impulsively, although quiet and quick, it made sound to reach her ears nonetheless.

But yet, she was silent.

You stare at her for a second more, and few seconds too long to say you're determined in leaving. She wasn't looking at you.

You take a step to turn, and the door slides open with the pull of your hand.

You take another, then when you're outside and the door closes gently, the quietness of it all consumed you.

You check your belongings, you had your bags, your watch, your phone. You have everything except for her.

You check your last pocket, and in it were the keys to the house. You slide it off and it clinks, a familiar sound that you hated made your heart skip a beat every time you heard it.

You leave it off somewhere at the front of the house, and you hope you don't remember where you put it.

It all blurred together as you went to your car, turned on the engine and drove off. Of course you had a plan in mind. You've thought about it a hundred times, but you never thought you'd go with it.

The car arrives to a stop, near the place of your favorite cafe. But you aren't going out. You just needed to drive away from the house.

"Fuck." You cursed under your breath and slammed your fist on the steering wheel, and somehow your hand had slid down to the horn, making you bump into it and the car beeped loudly. You jumped, and looked around alertedly, but no one was there. The sidewalks were empty.

You relievedly let out the breath you were holding once you made sure you were in the clear. Thankfully, it wasn't lunchtime or the weekend.

"God," the word comes out under your breath as you shook your head. The thoughts in your head were harsh, and your shoulders slumped at it.

"How could I have ever possibly thought I was actually the one?" You whisper to yourself, staring at the logo of the car, still somehow shiny, just sitting there in between the controls even from how much you've driven the car.

You grip the steering wheel, but then you notice your arms being covered in a certain cloth. One all too familiar, one you chose in instinct in the morning. You look down on the sweatshirt you're wearing, and it was obvious. It was Wanda's.

You clench your jaw and your hands move to peel it off yourself, the sweatshirt turning into a jumbled up piece of clothing that was inside-out. You didn't even want to look at it, so you threw it to the backseats. You'll deal with it later.

Soon, you went to grab your phone, your hand shaking as you turned on your phone, trying your best to find a certain contact. You hold the device tighter, trying to stop the shaking. But you couldn't.

When you found it, you were hesitant to tap on it, your mind loud of everything bad that could happen. But it was Kate. You take in a shaky breath and tapped on the call button, exhaling your breath as you put your phone to your ear.

"Hello?" Her voice comes out gently. The kinder tone almost makes you let out a breath of relief. Your shoulders relax only a little though.

"Kate?" You ask in a whisper, fiddling a little with your steering wheel and tracing the round shape, the texture brushing the skin of your fingers.

"Hey, what's up?" It was still gentle, but there was a hint of concern in it. She can already tell something was wrong even though you barely said anything.

"Um...I..." Your breath was shaky, and she could hear it. On the other side of the phone, Kate was frowning, but she stayed quiet as she gave you time to get your words out.

You were nibbling your bottom lip as you thought about how to talk about your situation, and in the midst of the moment-- "...Wanda and I broke up," you spew out the words, your mouth not even caring to follow your mind anymore.

"What? What happened?" She was certainly shocked, and you look out the window, trying to distract yourself while at the same time speaking to Kate.

"She was with someone else," you say. The florist you once saw a few months ago came out of his store, greeting a customer outside. It was like you were watching a scene you were once in, in another person's view.

"Oh, shit." She swore out unintentionally, the surprise taking over her mouth. "Sorry," she apologized quickly, and you can imagine her blinking to get ahold of herself. It almost made you let out a soft chuckle.

"...I'm sorry, Y/N. God, I could never imagine Wanda would have done that." Kate said quietly. She adored your relationship together, that much was true, but she also saw the parts of Wanda that you wish weren't true. Yet this, this was an unexpected turn.

"...And since I left the house, I can't even sulk in bed or anything." You let out a gentle breath of a laugh, but it was more of a nervous one.

"I mean, I should've had a plan but-- we'd just keep seeing each other and it just...hurts." The florist had said goodbye to the customer who bought the flowers. He seemed happy as he rewrote some things on his little chalkboard. That man was definitely living his best life.

"Where are you gonna go?" She asks, and you go silent. You couldn't go to Carol's. You wouldn't. She's living with Maria and Monica and you probably wouldn't have a room to sleep other than in the living room on the couch. You wouldn't want to intrude on her living conditions anyway.

"I don't...really have anywhere to go to, so anywhere, I guess." You sink into your seat, looking down in your lap to stop staring at people. Kate was silent for a moment, and you're guessing she either didn't know what to say, or is thinking about something.

"My place is available to you if you want to come. You're always welcome here," she offers, and your eyes relax while your fingers fiddle with theirselves, thinking it over.

"...If that's okay with you. I mean, I don't want to intrude on anything--" You add on after quickly, but you get cut off by Kate.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it, I've missed having you hanging around. And I promise you, I have two forks and spoons now so we don't have to share one or get a plastic one from Mcdonald's that'll break after a few minutes." She jokes, and that actually made you laugh.

"Okay. Okay, thank you, Kate. I'll be there tomorrow." You sit up more properly, getting ready to drive to the airport. You hadn't visited her in a while, so you already had money ready.

"I will be there to pick you up. Okay? Do not get a cab," she says sternly, and you take in a big breath only to let it out as a small sigh.

"Kate," You say sternly back, wanting to protest and not burden her more. But she hums in disagreement. You know she cared about getting you safe and being the best friend she is, but your head was killing you.

"No. No, Y/N. I am not letting you cry in a cab awkwardly first thing you get out the airport." She argues softly, and you let your shoulders down in defeat. At your silence, she waits.

"I'll let you know when I land." You give in, your voice small.

"Okay, good." You can hear the relief in her voice, and your lip tugs up into the smallest smile

"See you, Kate." You were about to end the call, but she speaks up again.

"Hey."

"Take care of yourself."

"I'll try."

"See you."

The call ends, and you start driving.

end of chapter 5.

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 4 Chapter 6 ->

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[muses-with-afp]

In terms of Bleachy things that I am never not thinking about given my particular sort of brainrot, it would have to be Chapter 179, Confession in the Twilight. Today, I want to overthink long and hard about assumptions fandom often makes about Hisana. Some of these assumptions are not well-supported by the canon. Other of these assumptions likely stem from material added by the anime and/or the movie Fade to Black.

Because I'm sort of "meh" on the supplementary material from the anime and pretty "blah" on the Bleach movies overall, I will stick to the manga. (I am also a simple creature with only two brain cells to rub together now-a-days so... there's that, too.) I am sure there are more assumptions one could pick apart and torture to death, but for the sake of brevity (I write cackling because when am I ever brief?) below are my top three.

1. Assumption One: Hisana had no spiritual power/pressure

This one is odd to me because we, the audience, do not have a whole lot of evidence to base this assumption off of. Byakuya never says anything of this sort to Rukia during the confession:

Although, it is possible that Hisana was spiritually weak, and what made it difficult for her to survive was taking care of a baby with significant spiritual pressure/power. This explanation is entirely possible, but, based on the English translation, it is not the only interpretation one could draw.

Honing in on the"[b]ut it was hard for her to survive there while caring for you..." bit, this could suggest that Hisana, in fact, needed more than vibes and water to survive herself. We get a sense in Bleach that siblings often have similar capacities in terms of spiritual power and pressure, and we know Rukia is spiritually gifted. Accordingly, one could make the leap that Hisana, too, had some spiritual capacity. Now, I think the case for sibling similarities in spiritual talents is probably strongest for the souls born in SS since they presumably are most "genetically" related (or whatever concept passes for "genetic" relationships in SS), one assumes. This, of course, also assumes you buy the idea that Hisana and Rukia were just ordinary souls who passed from the WOTL to SS. KT, however, has thrown a wrench into this explanation by suggesting that Rukia is a secret... eighth thing/potential hybrid. (At least, I think we are up to eight soul "ecotypes" now .... Maybe it's nine if we add in the lore from Burn the Witch.) Perhaps this secret variation/hybrid is specific to Rukia, or maybe it applies to both sisters equally.

Other evidence that could support Hisana as having some spiritual capacity (beyond being a spiritual dandelion) includes:

According to Renji, the only way to escape Inuzuri was to attend the Academy/become a shinigami. It's possible that Renji was speaking only in terms of "legality" (i.e., the only legal way to leave your assigned district/town/placement is to gain admittance to the Academy) since we know Kenpachi and crew exist. Could Hisana have gotten out of Inuzuri using the Academy loophole? Sure! Why not? Was Hisana a bloody tank like Kenpachi and fought her way out of the city? Maybe but probably not, since she felt driven to abandon her sister, which doesn't seem very warlord-like of her. Maybe Hisana never actually left Inuzuri after the abandonment. The "[a]bandoned you and ran" (emphasis mine) part of the story makes it sound like she left the city, but maybe she just ran away from Rukia and went to another part of Inuzuri or the district.

Rukia somehow managed to survive (i.e., maybe it wasn't the demands (or just the demands) of a spiritually needy baby that drove Hisana to abandon her). We don't know much/anything about the period of Rukia's life between the abandonment and meeting Renji, so it's hard to say how needy she was as a soul baby.

Hisana hung out with/lived with Byakuya, who we know (a) has a metric ton of spiritual power and pressure, and (b) lives in a city full of similarly situated souls. Canonically, weaker souls seem greatly affected by the spiritual pressure of the more spiritually capable souls in Bleach, which could suggest that she had enough to withstand living in Seireitei and being married to someone with a lot of the stuff.

Depending on whether you think Rukia is anywhere near the ballpark in terms of her age vis-à-vis Ichigo (150 years, by the way), Hisana's life span would have been about 100 years in SS, which isn't particularly short. It seems that souls with some spiritual power/pressure tend to live longer than souls without it.

As Byakuya continues with his confession to Rukia, he says that Hisana "searched for [Rukia] almost every day for the next five years." If you take this literally, it sounds like Hisana went out into the slums regularly, which is pretty far away from Kuchiki manor. Without some sort of fast travel option (the Kuchiki are rich so maybe one exists...), it seems that she would have needed to learn a pretty good flash-step to make that trek anyway feasible. Although, it is possible that Byakuya meant Hisana searched for Rukia in a more abstract sense since, as a noble, she would finally have resources (beyond her physically trekking out there) to conduct a search. It could also be both.

2. Assumption Two: Hisana was (or was not) doing XYZ before marriage

This assumption likely piggybacks off the one above. Since we are given no indication as to what Hisana was doing before marriage, if you assume she was a spiritually weak being, it makes sense for the years between abandonment and marriage to be full of scrounging and hiding from scary beings/thugs/monsters/take-your-pick. And, true, the reckless noble/prince taking an unwashed but kindly peasant girl as a wife is an oldie goldie in terms of romance tropes.

But, as noted above, Hisana could have been literally anything. Shinigami? Sure! Secret agent/informant? Why not!? In CFYOW, Yourichi gets pretty annoyed at Tokinada for speaking ill of Hisana. It's possible that she's irritated with him because he's trying to goad Byakuya into an altercation and is using Byakuya's dead wife as the ammo (which, yeah, is a pretty gross thing to do). Alternatively, there could be a personal connection between the two women (which may provide further color on Rukia being chosen as a vessel for the orb, don't mind me just out here speculating). We know the higher districts are rough, and, at least according to Renji, Inuzuri is full of criminals and bastards of all stripes. Hisana could've been a crime lord, a lackey to a crime lord, a thief, a prostitute, a hustling gambler, a bookie, basically anything. The vagueness is glorious!!!

3. Assumption Three: Hisana died of ghost consumption a respiratory illness

This assumption likely arises from the anime (although forgive me if I'm wrong about this since it has been a while since I've watched the anime) and Fade to Black, which has a scene where Hisana has a coughing fit. The manga, however, gives no indication:

All Byakuya says is he "lost his wife." To what? Who knows?! Be more specific, Byakuya!

We also don't get a whole lot of evidence to indicate what killed her during the confession scene.

Hisana isn't sweating, and her futon is white as is the bit of clothing we see, so it doesn't look like she's necessarily suffered a physical attack/assault. She's also, notably, not coughing....

For reference, below are Byakuya's bludgeoned panels because we have a lot of parallels between her deathbed request and Byakuya's confession to Rukia:

To be fair, Byakuya's blanket and pad aren't bloody either, but his captain's coat sure is, and, goodness, is he sweaty! Although, perhaps Byakuya's memory of Hisana strips away the gory and gruesome bits (e.g., blood, sweat, coughing, gasping, gurgling death rattles, anguished groaning, etc.) since... well... no one actually dies pretty.

Based on the manga retelling of Hisana's expiration, the cause of death was... literally anything. Okay, I kid. I kid.

Sort of.

Maybe her COD wasn't literally anything. She was at least in a bed ready for death and had enough time to call upon her husband. (Although, so is Byakuya here, and he was stabbed like thirty minutes ago and is giving similar sorts of vibes to poor Rukia.) My guess is that whatever Hisana had, she succumbed to it over a period of time, which rules out causes of death that come fast, but a lot of deaths aren't immediate (unfortunately). Maybe she sustained internal injuries that took her, which would parallel nicely with Byakuya in these panels. Maybe she had "beautiful wife consumption," which is an oldie goldie trope for doomed lovers. Maybe she had whatever soul flu or illness afflicted Byakuya's dad. Maybe she had some sort of soul cancer. If you're doing the math (or a version of the math since time in Bleach is wobbly), Byakuya and Hisana married a year or so after WWII. It's not a pleasant thought, but cancer (leukemia and solid) rates went up five+ years later for obvious reasons, and perhaps this is an abstract/unconscious nod to that of sorts.

But, who can say??? Not me, that's for damn sure!

From a practical story-telling perspective, I imagine that KT leaves a lot of wiggle room around this period to avoid caging himself in for whatever reveal he had/has in store regarding Rukia's backstory/heritage/why Urahara picked her to put the orb into/etc.

[skys-archive]

To me, a very heartbreaking aspect of this election (at least as someone who lives in the deep south) is finding out the sheer number of people who I thought loved me and cared for my safety are happy at the outcome. People I tried to tell about this and what would happen.

My own mother didn't like either candidate from the beginning. I tried to tell her about project 2025 to sway her opinion. She told me those could never pass. She said she couldn't vote for Kamala because she's "basically Biden" to her. She voted for Trump because she thinks he's a smart businessman, and she said she likes Vance.

My own mother, who does genuinely love and care for me and who I have a lovely relationship with, voted for someone who actively wants me dead. For someone who wants her to remain in an abusive relationship she left years ago. Because "they won't pass".

My close friends who know my identity and who I am and I thought respected me for who I am are ecstatic at the results. People I didn't know the political beliefs of are coming out and letting me know they side with someone who wants my death, who wants the erasure of my people.

And honestly, maybe they will have it.

My ex, when I came to him originally about how scared I was of project 2025, thought I was getting upset over nothing. The man who I loved more than anything in this world believed that I was overreacting, that it would all be fine, that it didn't matter. He wasn't there when I was terrified. I almost wish I could look him in the face several months from now and he could see how real my fears are.

Other people like me, other people who are scared like me, are trying to just ignore it. A woman who I don't know too well came up to a group of friends I was with today and went to a couple, a man with his nonbinary partner. She said not to worry, that it was unconstitutional and it wouldn't happen.

This same group of friends discussed it, but it wasn't about fear or what to do now.

I met a friend today, at our usual spot. I was waiting for them, sitting with my head down on the table. I'd only found out a few minutes before. They said my name several times before I looked up. They asked if I wanted a forehead kiss and then led me to the rest of our friends. They said they were scared their father would be deported.

A different friend is probably going to leave their boyfriend. Not necessarily because of him, but definitely due to his friends. They say awful things about people like us every day, and there's certainly a reason their boyfriend hangs out with them.

I sat next to a friend and made fun of a tiktok I saw about Trump, it turned into a velocity edit about halfway through, I thought it was silly. She laughed with me but then said she was "so glad" he won, and doesn't understand why so many of her friends are "in such a mood". Many of her friends are queer.

My black friend is posting videos, jokes about having her rights taken away. I know it's how she's coping. I feel for her, and I understand, but I know I also could never know exactly how she feels.

I'm surrounded by people celebrating, people who I thought wanted me safe. Do they simply not know? Or do they want my death, too? Can they not see how terrified I am, how silent I am now?

I don't know if I should stay out. I hate the idea of using my deadname, of hearing my close friends calling me "she". But that would be safer.

Do I want to be safer? I don't think so. I don't want to die resigned. I don't want to hate myself even more. I want to be who I've been my whole life. Out, proud, safety and inspiration to the younger queer people who are scared. I want to be positive for them so they know that people like them can be happy. But I want to warn them as well, that being like this is dangerous, and hard.

I want disabled people who are scared to get aids, scared to get diagnosed, to look at me and know that there is at least some hope.

My mind is prone to overthinking, to finding the worst possible outcome of every situation. So I wonder if all of the things I come up with won't happen, and for a moment I find comfort in that. But I see others fear. I see how terrified they are of the same outcomes that I am, i see that I'm not the only one seeing them.

And I think, Why?

What am I meant to do now?

[ham1lton]

jude rly does get injured (it’s minor he just needs some pain meds) and the pain meds make him a little dopey and he’s like nurse yn you’re the nicest woman ive ever met :D and physio yn is like im not a nurse but thanks and jude is like you’d make a great mom. i wish you were MY mom 😁 and yn is like ok now we’re all over the place 😐

r/relationshipadvice

title: i (21m) told my physio (f mid 20s) that i wish she was my mum while high on pain meds…. pretty sure i ruined everything. help?!

title is pretty self explanatory.

ok so for some context, i’ve had a huge crush on my physio, let’s call her ny, for months now. i got injured earlier this year during practice and ended up having sessions with her twice a week. she’s smart, funny, gorgeous, the whole package. and she’s great at her job. i’ve been lowkey trying to impress her, like working harder during our sessions, asking about her day, stuff like that. i even told her about my favorite spot to get a coffee and the next week she mentioned she tried it. idk if that means anything but i was buzzing.

fast forward to last week. i had a minor injury during a game and needed some stitches and pain meds. nothing serious thankfully, but i was feeling a bit loopy from the meds when i saw her for my usual session. apparently, i decided it was the perfect time to tell her she was the nicest person i’ve ever met and that she’d make a great mom. and then—brace yourselves—i said i wished she was my mum.

i want the earth to swallow me up whole. she kinda laughed it off, said something like “we’re all over the place today,” but i’m mortified. like, what was i thinking?? i can’t stop replaying it in my head. did i just ruin any chance i might’ve had? i’ve seen her once since then and she was super professional as usual, but i feel like she’s keeping more distance now.

am i overthinking this? how do i recover from this without making it more awkward? pls help.

top comments:

u/fatalcrush: let’s be real here, you’re hyper-fixating because you like her. she’s not thinking about it nearly as much as you are. keep things professional, and maybe stop trying so hard to impress her—it might be coming off as a little much.

OP: you’re 100% right, but it’s like every time i tell myself to chill, i somehow end up booking another session. and it’s not even about impressing her anymore; i just want to be around her. like, last week i convinced myself i had mild shin splints. she checked it out and said i was fine, but she did recommend some stretches, and i was like, “this is the highlight of my week.” i’m so down bad.

u/yesimamom: she probably sees you as a sweet (if slightly misguided) kid who said something goofy while high. but also, as a mom myself, i gotta say, we don’t take these comments lightly. she’s probably thinking about it more than you realize. not in a weird way, just like, “aw, this kid’s got some feelings.”

OP: you think?? she’s so hard to read sometimes. like, last time i came in with “shoulder pain” (which was real that time, i swear), she asked how i was doing outside of physio, like actually cared about my life. i told her everything was fine, but deep down, i was screaming, “everything would be perfect if you were in it more!”

u/deadinside23: dude, i once told my therapist i thought of her as my “emotional support dog.” if i can live with that, you can survive this.

OP: lmao ok, that makes me feel a bit better. i just don’t know how to act normal around her anymore. like, do i start talking about unrelated stuff to make up for the weird comment? or is that even weirder? i already asked her if she likes movies, and she said she’s more of a book person. now i’m pretending to be into books.

u/j0b3: are you serious bro 😭 call me

[yeontaescumslut]

ᓭི༏ᓯྀ ྐ𖥨᩠ׄ݁ ˖ ݁ 𓈒 불꽃놀이 ~ fireworks

Pairing: Taehyun x Reader

Genre: non- idol au, smut

Synopsis: You had never really cared for holidays, your family wasn’t close, you never really celebrated…that is, until you met your best friend Taehyun, who wanted to do anything and everything, especially celebrate holidays….and boy did this one take a turn….

Warnings: unprotected sex, name calling, public sex, hair pulling, slight pain kink, degrading

Word count: 2420

Authors note: Hey guys :’3 I wrote this on vacation so it’s not as good as the others but just something small to celebrate 4th of July for my Americans!

It was summer, you were on break from college, in Korea…you attend yonsei university and that’s how you met your best friend in the whole world, you shared the same classes, he sat right beside you in all the lectures and before you knew it, you were joined at the hip. His friends now became yours because let’s face it, you had recently come to Korea to study and knew nobody and nothing so you would take what you got.

Today was any other ordinary Wednesday for you, except for Taehyun it was the July 3rd the day before 4th of July, as 4th of July was an American Holiday taehyun thought it would be fun to celebrate for you, like a piece from home for you…

Text message | From ~ “Tyunnie 🐠”

Tae: “Sooo, we have plans tomorrow, don’t ask questions, dress cute, wear that top I like ;)”

Me: “oh gosh taehyun 🙄 you know I don’t like going out…”

Tae: “I knowwww but it’s going to be fun, you know I’d never lead you astray 😏”

Me: “Fine 🙄 what time do I need to be ready?”

Tae: “ Be ready by 8”

The rest of the night your mind is racing wondering what could he have planned, but you’re used to this, always going on spontaneous adventures…he knew how to make you love life, so even though you were nervous about tomorrow you were more so excited to see what you both would get up to next.

The next day comes around faster than you’d like to admit, you start your day late waking up around 11 am, eyes heavy brain still foggy, you rub the sleep from your eyes and grab your phone to check your notifications ~

New message from : “Tyunnie🐠”

“GOOD MORNING PRINCESS! I hope you’re excited for tonight I’ve got so much planned for us. See you later darling :3 ~”

You don’t like to admit it but this message made your heart race, in fact every message you received from him made your heart race, sending butterflies in your stomach….but he’s just your best friend. That would never work out, right? You decide that’s enough overthinking for today, shaking your head in realization. Slamming your hands on the bed beside you, you decide to finally start your day, you had lots to do before tonight, laundry, cleaning, finishing school work for the summer, etc etc ~

Time flies, before you know it, it’s 6:45 and decide that it’s time to get ready, you put on taehyuns favorite top that you own, a sheer black top that ties right below your breasts, and a black mini skirt, your shoes are black platform boots, you curl your hair, putting on the makeup that makes you feel the prettiest, and again before you know it you hear a honk coming from the front of the place you’re staying. Walking out you grab your black coach purse, looking yourself in the mirror giving yourself a pep talk, not to get too nervous in front of him, and don’t let your feelings get in the way….

Walking out the door, Taehyun is pulled on the curb in his black mustang, he’s standing arms crossed back to the passenger side door, flashing you the biggest smile, the one you love so much, deep dimples and sharp canines on display, your stomach turning in knots as you approach closer, you known him for months now yet you still hesitate every time you see him…

“There’s my girl!” he opens the car door, holding out his hand to guide you in your seat, as you grab his hand he bites his lip looking you up and down “God you look gorgeous” you respond with “well you did tell me to wear this top hyun” you roll your eyes at him but give a playful smile. As you take your seat in the car and get yourself situated he closes the door gently, walking back to the drivers seat getting in himself. His hand rested on the gear shift the other on the top of the steering wheel, he looks over at you “you ready?” you look back at him hesitating to answer “uhhh I guess?!!” you said with a shrug of your shoulders, the hand on the gear shift, moves to your bare upper thigh, slightly squeezing “We’re going to have fun I promise” smile as bright as always. You take a deep breath in and sigh, only being able to focus on the hand on your thigh, a heat raging in your stomach as his hand moves higher up your thigh as he drives. You’re sat still, hands in your lap not knowing what to do in this situation “ soooo uhhh where are we headed” you say tapping your fingers together just trying to break the silence “ We’re going to the mountain, the one not far from here” he says, hand squeezing your thigh tighter but eyes focused on the road.

By now the sun has gone down, you and Taehyun are just sitting and chatting eating snacks and drinking your champagne, you look at Taehyun to tell him something when suddenly, he grabs your chin turning your head back forward “Look.” As soon as your eyes hit the landscape fireworks shot up into the air, beautiful colorful fireworks, your eyes lighting up from the beauty and excitement from how much you missed them. “Wow taehyun these are….” before you can finish your sentence that same hand is turning your face back to him, your eyes meet his, they look as though they’re full of hunger, in a split second his lips are on yours, his hand moved to the back of your head pulling you closer to him so there’s not an inch between you two. He pulls away for a split second “is this okay?” He says, his eyes genuine. “Yes, it’s more than okay” barely letting you get your words out, his mouth is back on yours, tongue fighting for entrance to your mouth, with his free hand he places it on your lower back lowering you to lay on your back, grabbing a pillow and places it behind your head, he’s hovering over you, arms beside your head….now this is one thing you never expected, especially from him, he was always so…soft and kind and never pushy, but god did you love this side of him. His knee coming up inbetween your legs pressing it against your core only covered by your underwear. One hand coming to grab you by the throat, turning your head to the side so his lips can reach the nape of your neck, his lips warm, plush, and wet, trailing their way to your collar bones, then down to your chest, his hand moves to your waist holding you down so you don’t squirm under him, he uses his teeth to untie your top freeing your breast’s to the chilly night air, making your nipples harden before you can adjust to the temperature his mouth is attached to you, sucking and licking your nipples, his hands are busy pushing your skirt up your hips, his fingers finding your clothed clit, pressing his slender digits into your folds, mumbling into your skin “Fuck you’re so wet for me already? You’re a needy slut aren’t you?” His tongue trailing from your sternum to your waist, he’s leaving kisses along your hip bones, his teeth slightly scraping the skin every once in a while, sending shocks up your spine, little moans leaving your lips, his fingers slip your panties to the side making way for him to enter, his pointer and middle slide in easy from how wet you were. His mouth now hovering over your clit, heavy breaths with an open mouth make you spiral, he bites his lip and dives in, lips enveloping your bud, tongue making its way up and down your folds, his fingers sliding in and out of you, his free hand taking a handful of your tit rubbing his thumb across your nipple, your back arched on the Gingham blanket, tears welling in ths corners of your eyes….

Fireworks pop in the background, the showers of color illuminating Taehyuns features as he’s knuckle deep in your pussy. His eyes dart up to meet yours, when he sees your eyes shut tight he breaks away from your bud “Fucking look at me slut, I didn’t tell you to close your eyes”. He picks himself up, hovering over you once again, his fingers leaving your entrance, his arms wrap around your waist flipping you over on your stomach, one hand on your upper back pushing you into the pillow the other around your waist holding your ass in the air. “Stay” he says removing his hand from your back to unbutton his black slacks pulling them down to release his 7.5” you can’t see but hear the slap against his stomach, he spits on his hand rubbing it on his cock, moving your panties to the side once again, his thumb on your fold holding it open as he slides himself into you. Grunting as your pussy engulfs him, soft moans leaving his lips as well, when he’s situated in you, he speeds up his pace. Arm still holding you by your stomach ass in the air, with his free hand, reaching for your hair gathering your locks in a ponytail pulling your head up “I wanna see your pretty face while I destroy your pussy” You comply turning your face so he can see your side profile.

“Mmmm that’s my good girl” a devilish grin is painted on his face, his pounding getting harder, his moans growing louder, tears now painting your face as knots form in your stomach from him hitting just the right spot over and over again “Fuck I’ve wanted to do this for so long, you’re so mine” he says biting his lip hand letting go of your hair to smack you on the ass, the sting left behind feels painful but so sensual. His hand now grabbing a handful of your asscheek nails leaving crescent shapes in the skin. His head thrown back, his ashy brown locks coated in sweat. Beads dropping down the slope of his nose, he looked perfect.

His grip on you getting tighter as he nears his high, you also nearing yours cries escape your throat, his name in every one, he loves the sound of it so much so it’s drawing him closer and closer, your legs basically dangling in the air at this point as though he’s using you as his personal sex doll, his pattern getting messier letting you know he was about to cum, his hand now reaching under ti grab you by the throat pulling you up to him, your back now on his chest as he’s on his knees, his strength guiding you up and down his cock, his lips near centimeters from your ear “I’m gonna cum, fuck, and you’re gonna take every last drop” this sends you spiraling, stars dancing across your vision from how tight your eyes are shut “Yes sir” you say shakily getting out what words you can. His grip on your neck tightens, a pleasurable tightness as he reaches his climax, slamming his hips into your ass painting your walls white, his teeth dig into your shoulder blade as he lets out whimpers as your walls are tightening from your high following suit, you cry his name tears flowing down your cheeks, body pulsating as you feel the warm inside of you. He lifts you off of him just to bend you back over, hand on your neck so you stay in place, his pointer and middle push into you once again, pushing his seed deep into your pussy “I told you you’re not waiting even one drop” screaming bellowing out of you from overstimulation but god does it feel good from him. He finally lets you go, letting you fall to your stomach on the soft blanket and pillow, you sigh heavy breathing following….”Oh I hope you know I’m not done with you yet princess” kissing your shoulders his tone hands rubbing up and down your back. “oh fuck”.

[onceuponafosterkid]

Every now and then I am reminded how hard it is being an adult foster youth. I’m only 21, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. This week was really hard. I got sick on Monday while I was at work, but I have this fear of letting people down so I toughed it out. I got home and I had a fever of 103. I took some Tylenol but I can’t afford groceries right now so I don’t have any cold medicine or anything. I took Tuesday off of work thinking I needed a day to just recover. I mean, I’m working full time, taking three classes one of which is a two and half hour in person class twice a week after work so I thought maybe I was overdoing it right? But I’m pushing myself physically to avoid what’s going on mentally and yes I’m in therapy I know that’s not good but it’s what’s keeping me alive for right now. Anyway I go back to work on Wednesday but I have a cough and a headache and I just don’t feel great but I already took a day off I don’t want to make my boss mad. After work I take an at home Covid test my foster mom gave me and it’s negative, so I go to urgent care because day three of having a fever that’s now reached 103.5 and I don’t know what’s wrong. Urgent care does a Covid test that I know is going to be negative because I just took one, and they send me home. So if they sent me home I must just be overthinking this right? Maybe it’s not that bad. But I can’t work until the fever is gone and nothing is making the fever come down the cough is triggering my asthma so on Friday my foster mom takes me to the ER and there I find out I have pneumonia. They rehydrate me because I have been unable to keep anything down and sweating so much that water does nothing for me, and they give some antibiotics and I’m able to go home while they send meds to the pharmacy and finally I’m feeling like it’ll be okay. But the Walgreens they sent the meds to is closed on weekends, and I’m not supposed to wait until Monday so I call and ask them to send it to a different location which I find out halfway through Saturday the pharmacy is actually closed. So I call back again and ask them to send it down the street to Walmart but then they never call in the meds. So I ask my foster mom to call them for me and ask them to send the meds because it’s almost Sunday and I’m starting to feel like crap again and the fever is gone but I can’t breathe and my inhaler is expired and they were supposed to send a new one. She called and they said they would send them and she said she’d pick them up so I spent today cleaning in preparation for feeling better once I get my meds and once I’m done cleaning I sit on my floor and I start crying because I feel so freaking alone. Which is stupid because my foster mom has been taking care of me this whole time, sending me food and taking me to the ER but I can’t help but feel guilty because it’s not her job anymore to take care of me and she’s got a family at home, six kids counting on her but I don’t have anyone else to go to for help. I’m 21, I’m single, my bio family has left me again and it’s just been a really long week you know? It’s not like I have friends I can’t talk to, I lost them all when the assault at Wendy’s happened so I’m just sitting here fucking crying because I’m tired and it sounds very stupid but I’ve realized that it’s nobody’s job to help me. I’m in this alone and usually I can pretend that doesn’t hurt but not this week, not right now. But that’s just what happens when you age out. You’re alone unless you can find people and apparently I’m not very good at finding other people and I don’t know why. Anyway, I just needed a moment I guess. I feel like 12 year old me sitting outside my cottage at residential wondering if I’ll always be alone. I wish I could tell her the answer is no, but at this point in time I don’t have the answer she needs so for now I’m just crying with her.