#i am just an anxious bean who wants to help people and it's so fulfilling to hear that i've succeeded

[lexgivesgayadvice]

I want to thank you again for everything that you have done and for all the help that you bring to those that needed it, even tho is sad that you are gonna go, its still good because you are doing it for your own health, so again, thank you very much, and I hope you have a wonderful life ( i mean life because i don't want you to have just a wonderful day) thank you for everything

Anon this is so kind 🥺🥺🥺 it truly means so so much to me that I have been able to help you and others. I hope that you have the best day, week, month, year, and life - go rock the world by being your most beautiful and authentic self 💚🌈

[unknown--anna]

Soooooo, hello hello

May I request some fluff from thee or is thou too busy

I'm just messing around. I see your suggestions are open so I'm just wondering if I can get some action with a smoll bean female reader who's anxious - separation and social anxiety, with big boy Diluc as a significant other. By smoll, I mean like really short. Like, 4'11 - using my own short height as reference, short. I saw your fic with playing with hands and I was absolutely blessed with this request. Tis okay I'd you cannot fulfill! Have a great day regardless

Hello!! Omfg this is adorabledhsnshsjajhshsh aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thankyou for the suggestion 👁️👁️👌 anddd I'm sorry if I get separation anxiety wrong :"D

Stay

Female reader

Genre: fluff

Character: Diluc

Warning: HES SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE💥💥💥

You wake up to the feeling of something wrong in the morning. Where's Diluc? Where is he? Last night he was holding you-

Oh.

He didn't move much from where he was. Instead, you did, so you tried to snuggle back into his embrace whilst doing your best not to wake him up. Well, he isn't the Darknight Hero for nothing, so he easily woke up.

When he realized what you were doing, he helped you and pulled you in with one hand securely around your waist like a safety blanket and the other caressing your hair, which was his way of saying, "I'm here and I'll always be here." An unspoken promise he made. You fit perfectly in his embrace, where your head would rest comfortably on his chest without your feet touching his.

When you two walk together, people are quick to notice the height difference and the fact that you'd always hold onto his much bigger hands sometimes give people the wrong idea, especially when you cling to him tighter. "That's adorable! Is she your niece?" "How old is she?" With some people asking, Diluc always knows how to handle them. He's aware that you're not great in socializing to say the least, especially if it includes many people at a time.

You don't really know how you and Diluc got together, but it just happened. Perhaps because of your similar love languages? Physical touch. Cuddling in comfortable silence or just about anything. As long as you can hold his hand or he can hold you. Of course, you still talk, but find it hard to express yourself verbally. Diluc isn't the best with words either, but he does try his best to help you.

Whenever night fell, you always dreaded whether or not he'd be gone for the night. You needed his presence. Whenever he went out as the Darknight Hero, you couldn't sleep. Toss and turn, flip the pillow, change positions, nothing worked, so you could only nervously wait. You couldn't stop yourself from looking at the clock that seemingly mocked you and slowed down.

Where is he?

Is he okay?

Did something happen?

No... No... No please...

Don't leave me.

"Y/N?" A familiar voice pulled you out of your thoughts. Diluc immediately ran to you breathless and kneeled in front of where you sat. He quickly took off his dirty gloves to hold your face in his warm hands and wiped tears your didn't know you had shed.

"It's okay. You're okay and so am I."

"I will always come home, back to you."

You slowly pulled him into a tight embrace and inhaled his comforting scent. You didn't care that his clothes were dirty. All you cared about was that he was here with you.

A wave of exhaustion crashed onto you as Diluc felt your body slowly become limp. He gently lifted you up with ease whilst rubbing your back in circles to lull you to sleep. It was approaching sunrise, so he knew you'd be in no condition to work, so he made sure to write a letter for your absence and have it sent to your workplace.

He'd gently lay you down on the bed, but as he was about to go get himself cleaned up, he felt your fingers gripping his wrist. You were unconscious, but it seems that didn't affect the fact that you didn't want him to leave you.

"I promise I'll be back, my dear."

He quickly showered and dried himself off, but when he returned, you were sitting on the bed with your legs tucked into your chest. When you heard the door open, you quickly got up to hug him. He kissed your forehead before lifting you up again, and setting in your shared bed with you being the little spoon tonight. Like always, his arms held you close and securely. Before drifting off, you felt him kiss the top of your head.

"Goodnight, my dear."

[willag42]

Yuri!!! On Ice Fanfic Recs with Reviews  ["P” Authors]

Note: Doing some major reformating of the YOI fanfic rec pages. The pages that include my reviews are now having the posts separated alphabetically by author (see below). I am also creating separate page(s) that allow filtering the fanfics by category. It's a work in progress, but I'm having fun with it.

This page includes my YOI fanfic recs (with reviews) for authors whose names begin with "P".

Note: For any authors whom I don't know the gender, I refer to them with they/them. If any authors wish to correct me, please do so.

AUTHORS REC PAGES: #0-9 -- A -- B -- C -- D -- E -- F -- G -- H -- I -- J -- K -- L -- M -- N -- O -- P -- Q -- R -- S -- T -- U -- V -- W -- X -- Y -- Z

------------------

Refer to this masterlist for all of my YOI fanfic recs.

------------------

Phyona (@rageofthenerd)

The way Phyona writes the interactions between Yuuri and Victor are some of my absolute favorite. She writes them as good-natured rivals, always ready to compete against one another; as both coach and both student, willing to direct and support one another; as best friends, willing to tease and goof off with one anther; as lovers, passionately invested in one another; and as soulmates, completing and fulfilling one another. She is amazing at writing both comedy and drama, switching between moods and creating the appropriate emotional gravitas. But her stories have positive messages about growth and becoming stronger together.

Nerve Endings

Rating: Explicit Words: 74.1k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon compliant; Post-season 1; Domestic fluff; Anxiety; Miscommunication; Learning to relationship ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: When Yuuri moves in with Victor in St. Petersburg, they have to work through Yuuri's anxiety and Victor's secrets to find their balance. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: This is my favorite post-season 1 fic where Yuuri and Victor learn to live together. This is a story of their interactions off of the ice and how they inspire each other to be better people and boyfriends. Their interactions are awkward but eager at the beginning, and slowly they learn to work through their issues and grow closer emotionally and sexually. One of my favorite parts about this story is when Yuuri has an anxiety attack and almost convinces himself that Victor doesn't love him like he loves Victor, but he's able to work through the negative thoughts and recognize that it's in his head and that he doesn't deserve to think of himself like that. I really like how he is able to work through it himself, which I think is a powerful message. I recognize that this isn't necessarily possible for all people. We all need help at times and sometimes can't work through things by our own power, and that's why emotional support and medical science are so important. But don't discredit how much you can do yourself. Yes, Yuuri is an anxious bean and he can't help his brain chemistry, but he doesn't let it rule or excuse his decisions. He learns to accept and empower himself for both Victor and himself. I love this sort of hopeful and powerful message.

Puppy Love

Rating: Teen Words: 10.4k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergent; Dog Yuuri; Curses; Dead Makkachin; Hurt/comfort ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: When Yuuri gets turned into a dog, the last place he expects to end up is Victor Nikiforov's apartment. He learns quickly that the only thing worse than being his idol's pet, is watching him pine for someone else. ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: A wonderful oneshot that is both humorous and sad. Victor is suffering the loss of Makkachin and becomes attached to puppy Yuuri, and Yuuri simultaneously wants to hide from Victor and emotionally support the man through his grief. The story is charming in how these two become closer in this weird situation that does eventually correct itself. And they have an appropriately awkward yet happy and honest interaction at the end.

------------------

Piyo13 (@piyo-13)

Most of Piyo13's stories are fluffy short stories, about 50/50 Victuuri and Phichimetti. All are appropriately sweet. Her wraiths pinned to the mist is a longer fluffy story where Yuuri and Viktor are scientists in Antartica. Her meatiest, and my personal fave, story is a series that takes place in an alternate canon universe where everyone has daemons - external physical representations of a person's inner self. She's currently written three fics in this universe, and I look forward to whatever else Piyo13 writes in it!

hollow ground

Rating: Teen Words: 40.9k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergence; Daemons AU; Gold medal ending ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: There's no rules regarding where a daemon has to be in relation to their skater, only that they aren't allowed on the ice. This has always seemed a little unfair to Yuuri. After all, he loves skating like he loves his own soul; why can't he have both? ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: There are several things I love about this story. First, the daemons are adorable and help enhance the story and character scenes without overpowering the characters we already know. They're given their own character without taking up the spotlight, which I feel is the best way to write OCs. Second, despite it being an alternative retelling of the series, every scene feels fresh. Piyo13 is selective about which scenes she covers from the anime, avoiding only retreading over what's familiar. The scenes are altered enough with the presence of the daemons to help them feel new. Additionally, she doesn't let the scenes drag, capturing Yuuri's thoughts succinctly and with wit, and then moving on to the next scene. Even better are the original slice-of-life scenes Piyo13 added to further develop characters and relationships. Moments between Yuuri and Phichit talking over chat (about more than Victor) that delve into their friendship; a moment after JJ's flopped SP where Yuuri helps JJ become motivated again; a moment at the end where Yuuri's parents tell him how proud they are and he thanks them for their love and support; and then all of the new moments between Victor and Yuuri, like when they first start practising pair skating. Third, and probably the best, the last few chapters fix all the major grievances I had with the anime's ending. (Note: If you don't want anything spoiled, stop reading right now). Yuuri gets the gold medal; Chris and Otabek end up on the podium with him; Yuuri and Victor's decision to return to the ice doesn't feel rushed (they return to Hasetsu before discussing their decisions); and, most importantly, Yuuri's decision to return to the ice is only influenced by his own realization that he loves it and that he doesn't want to stop what he's had with Victor just yet. It's not debased or obfuscated by rivalry, when Yuuri's main character arc was always that he's his own worse enemy. The series also includes two side stories: a falling star can't fall forever, a prequel about Victor and Vasilisa; and life's not a paragraph, focusing on Chris. Overall, this is an amazing story.

------------------

possibleplatypus (@possibleplatypus)

possibleplatypus has recently started writing fics for this fandom. They've posted two on their AO3 account and have a few more ficlets and one-shots at their tumblr. I would love to read whatever else they bring to this fandom given the quality and creative storylines they've already brought to the table.

a song that never ends (Series, 2 works)

TECHNICAL SUPPORT Rating: Teen -- Words: 18.8k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Research had needed a new field-tester (they always needed new testers, as most Aurors would “test” an artefact only once before screaming to be reassigned), and thus the most decorated Auror in recent history was currently shouting into a modified “smart phone.” Viktor was quite certain that phones were not alive, so he did not understand how they could be intelligent. He found that when it came to Muggles, it was best not to think too deeply into things. “THIS IS NIKE,” Viktor bellowed into the thin, rectangular case. “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?”

movie night Rating: Teen -- Words: 2.5k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: However, they had barely started Howl’s Moving Castle before Yuuri wondered if he had made a mistake. "What a fascinating concept! What spells do you suppose Howl is using to keep his, er, moving structure up?" Viktor refused to call it a "castle." A terrible mistake. ❤❤❤❤❤  Words: 21.2k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Harry Potter AU; Aurors; Crossdressing ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: In this series, Yuuri and Viktor are both badass Aurors during a moment of downtime at the beginning of the story - Viktor forced into being a field-tester for the Research Department, and Yuuri recovering from his first, long-term undercover mission. What's really unique about this story is Yuuri's situation and what lead to it. He has taken on a new persona to help ease himself back into his life. Yuuri is amazing and adorable no matter what gender he is, and here he is both. I love how comfortable he is as a woman or a man and how his mannerisms change (and remain the same) across the two. There are a lot of misunderstandings during the first half of the fic - Viktor slowly falling for "Yukina", who reminds him of another Japanese man he was charmed by a year before - but eventually Yuuri opens up completely to Viktor and they become partners. So, so wonderful and sweet! The 2nd fic is a cute, little side-story after they've become partners, where Yuuri tries to show Viktor a Miyazaki movie... and proceeds to regret it once he realizes Viktor's one of those people who must always question and/or nitpick a movie out loud while watching. Haha. The ending where they re-enact an early scene from the movie is horrendously adorable though.

------------------

powerandpathos (@agapaic)

Excelsior by powerandpathos (@agapaic)

Rating: Explicit Words: 77.4k Status: Work In Progress Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: (Mostly) Canon compliant; Except homophobia exists; Post season 1; Pair skating; Lesbian OCs ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Yuuri has won the Grand Prix, which was everything he thought he wanted. But for Yuuri, an end to skating could mean an end with Viktor, and when two female skaters approach them with an offer that could make them or break them, they are put to the test more than ever. Can they rise higher than they already have? ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: Another "homophobia exists within the canon universe" story that is still unique and interesting with how it handles the characters. Yuuri and Viktor are approached by a pair of female lovers who want to do a pair skate with each other at an official ISU competition, and they want Yuuri and Viktor to be their pair skating partners to get them to that point. Yuuri is an idealistic activist who never even really knew he was one until given the opportunity to make a difference. He can be a bit ignorant, following his heart on the matter and not fully understanding what he's sacrificing until in the thick of it and starting to be overwhelmed, but he's brave and kind and his heart is in the right place. He can be a bit preachy when it comes to Viktor's choice to support from the sidelines, but still loves him and tries to find a middle ground. Viktor is the pragmatic realist on the other hand, knowing that supporting this endeavor will cause him to lose his prestige and gold medals. Initially he's insensitive about Yuuri's choice, but eventually agrees to support him but in ways that won't cause him to sacrifice his hard-earned legacy. It's not that he doesn't believe in the cause, but rather he's not willing to give up that much. I personally enjoy this taken on Viktor and find his opinion a valid one, even though Yuuri's lines up more with my own ideals. Eventually, he does fully join and support the cause when things become more personal, but before then is a lot of struggle between the two to find middle ground and maintain a supportive relationship. It's a realistic struggle that I'm certain many couples can sympathize with, and I appreciate the story for going there. This story's greatest strength is the real-life issues, struggles, and reactions these characters face, and yet their desire to continue to support, fight, and love one another. It's a really great story that I hope powerandpathos decides to continue again some day in the future.

------------------

proantagonist (@borntomake)

Drive

Rating: Explicit Words: 28.1k Status: Work In Progress Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon divergence; Road trips; Post Sochi GPF; Fluff; Feels; BFFs saving the day ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Yuuri remembers the Sochi Grand Prix banquet. He knows what he had the audacity to ask his idol, but that doesn't make it any less confusing when Victor Nikiforov shows up at Nationals two weeks later with a bouquet of roses in hand and a smile that doesn’t fool anyone. Victor has lost his drive and should be prepping for the European Championship instead of flying to Japan on a whim. After a crushing defeat at Nationals, Yuuri is in the midst of a crisis himself. Good thing they have their best friends – Phichit and Christophe – at their sides to keep them from falling apart. When Victor learns Yuuri must return to Detroit to finish college, he makes a rash decision to come to America with him. But why rush the journey? There's more than a week before classes start, dual existential crises to escape, and a budding romance to nurture. Time for a road trip. (A story in which two sets of best friends road trip across America together.) ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: Man, we aren't even to the road trip yet - we aren't even back in Detroit yet - and I'm already in love with this fic. proantagonist writes some of the best character interactions across all YOI fanfics - between Yuuri and Phichit, Yuuri and Victor, Yuuri and Chris, etc. And I am already so strongly invested in all four of the characters here. Chris' advice is halting Victor from his most unintentionally harshest commentary. Phichit is providing the emotional support that Yuuri needs at this time. And Victor and Yuuri are forming a connection earlier due to their friends' support. The latest chapter is my fave - they've pretty much had the entire beach scene conversation from episode 4, Victor has opened up about feeling lost at this moment in his life, Yuuri has an anxiety attack and snaps out all of his frustractions, Victor meets him in the middle, and they agree to help each other through their rough patches. Everybody is so supportive and wonderful, and I love such positive relationships. It's a sped-up version of their relationship from the anime with less miscommunication issues. And while I can definitely appreciate a slowburn, sometimes you just want to avoid a repeat of the same scenarios or the miscommunication tropes. That doesn't mean that there isn't a potential for more angst or miscommunication (I mean, there's always this fic's version of "Let's end this"), but everything is at a pretty healthy point currently. It warms my heart. And the roadtrip aspect just has the potential for so many more warm, supportive moments. I can't wait for more!

Winter Song Universe (Series, 2 works)

Winter Song Rating: Explicit -- Words: 156.5k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Yuuri was aware that at some point — a moment in time he couldn’t quite place — Victor had become his boyfriend. There wasn’t a single instant when it happened. It was a slow awareness, as if Victor had silently been asking the question for months now, and Yuuri had been giving him the answer a little more with each passing day.

Falling (Victor's Story) Rating: Teen -- Words: 69.7k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: "What do you want me to be to you?" "I want you to be yourself." And wasn’t that just the funniest thing? This whole time, Victor had been trying to figure out which mask to wear to make Yuuri happy, when all he wanted was for Victor to take it off and show him the real person beneath. ❤❤❤❤❤  Words: 226.1k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon compliant; Post season 1; Scenes between episodes; Fluff; Smut ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: In a lot of ways, I consider this the essential companion fic to the series. The story takes care to be true to the canon material while fleshing out the characters and their relationships with each other more. It doesn't spend time rehashing what we already see in the series; instead it focuses on fleshing out the scenes between the episodes and after the end of season 1. The story mostly focuses on the developing romance between Victor and Yuuri and has a lot of very well-written smut and emotional hurt/comfort scenes. For those perhaps confused by some of the characters' actions or motivations in the series, this story provides one potential interpretation by a fan who has extensively written and thoughtfully considered many potential headcanons on her tumblr. It's clear she deeply cares about the characters to spend so much time analyzing the series. She takes a lot of care to remain faithful to the series, while still fleshing out the Victuuri romance. It's a beautiful story.

[truanderie]

Apparently, millennials as a group of people, which are those born from approximately 1984 and after, are tough to manage. They are accused of being entitled and narcissistic, self interested, unfocused and lazy - but entitled is the big one.

Because they confound the leadership so much, leaders will say “what do you want?” And millennials will say “we want to work in a place with purpose, we want to make an impact, we want free food and bean bag chairs.” Any yet when provided all these things they are still not happy. And that is because there is a missing piece.

It can be broken down into 4 pieces actually. 1 Parenting. 2 Technology. 3 Impatience. 4 Environment.

The generation that is called the millennials, too many of them grew up subject to “failed parenting strategies.” Where they were told that they were special - all the time, they were told they can have anything they want in life, just because they want it.

You take this group of people and they graduate and they get a job and they’re thrust into the real world and in an instant they find out they are not special, their mom’s can’t get them a promotion, that you get nothing for coming in last and by the way you can’t just have it because you want it. In an instant their entire self image is shattered. So we have an entire generation that is growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations.

The other problem to compound it is we are growing up in a Facebook/Instagram world, in other words, we are good at putting filters on things. We’re good at showing people that life is amazing even though I am depressed…

Everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they have it all figured out and the reality is there’s very little toughness and most people don’t have it all figured out. So when the more senior people say “well, what should we do?” they sound like “this is what you gotta do!” - but they have no clue.

So you have an entire generation growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations - through no fault of their own, they were dealt a bad hand. Now let’s add in technology. We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. That’s why when you get a text - it feels good. In a 2012 study, Harvard research scientists reported that talking about oneself through social media activates a pleasure sensation in the brain usually associated with food, money and sex. It’s why we count the likes, it’s why we go back ten times to see if the interaction is growing, and if our Instagram is slowing we wonder if we have done something wrong, or if people don’t like us anymore. The trauma for young kids to be unfriended it too much to handle. We know when you get the attention it feels good, you get a hit of dopamine which feels good which is why we keep going back to it. Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink and when we gamble. In other words, it’s highly, highly addictive…

An entire generation now has access to an addictive, numbing chemical called dopamine, through cellphones and social media, while they are going through the high stress of adolescence.

Why is this important? Almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol when they were teenagers. When we are very, very young the only approval we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers. Very frustrating for our parents, very important for the teenager. It allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families and into the broader tribe. It’s a highly, highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we are supposed to learn to rely on our friends.  

Some people, quite by accident, discover alcohol, the numbing effects of dopamine, to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence. Unfortunately that becomes hard wired in their brains and for the rest of their lives, when they suffer significant stress, they will not turn to a person, they will turn to the bottle. Social stress, financial stress, career stress, that’s pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks. But now because we are allowing unfettered access to these devices and media, basically it is becoming hard wired and what we are seeing is that they grow older, too many kids don’t know how to form deep, meaningful relationships. “Their words, not mine.”

They will admit that many of their relationships are superficial, they will admit that they don’t count on their friends, they don’t rely on their friends. They have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel on them when something better comes along. 

Deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practiced the skillset and worse, they don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. So when significant stress begins to show up in their lives, they’re not turning to a person, they’re turning to a device, they’re turning to social media, they’re turning to these things which offer temporary relief.

We know, the science is clear, we know that people who spend more time on Facebook suffer higher rates of depression than people who spend less time on Facebook.

These things balanced, are not bad. Alcohol is not bad, too much alcohol is bad. Gambling is fun, too much gambling is dangerous. There is nothing wrong with social media and cellphones, it’s the imbalance.

If you are sitting at dinner with your friends, and you are texting somebody who is not there - that’s a problem. That’s an addiction. If you are sitting in a meeting with people you are supposed to be listening and speaking to, and you put your phone on the table, that sends a subconscious message to the room “you’re just not that important.” The fact that you can’t put the phone away, that’s because you are addicted.

If you wake up and you check your phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you have an addiction. 

And like all addictions, in time, it will destroy relationships, it will cost time, it will cost money and it will make your life worse.

So we have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress and now you add in the sense of impatience. They’ve grown up in a world of instant gratification. You want to buy something, you go on Amazon and it arrives the next day. You want to watch a movie, logon and watch a movie. You don’t check movie times. You want to watch a TV show, binge. You don’t even have to wait week-to-week-to-week. Many people skip seasons, just so they can binge at the end of the season…

Instant gratification. Everything you want you can have instantaneously. Everything you want, instant gratification, except, job satisfaction and strength of relationships - their ain’t no out for that. They are slow, meandering, uncomfortable, messy processes.

And so millennials are wonderful, idealistic, hardworking smart kids who’ve just graduated school and are in their entry-level jobs and when asked “how’s it going?” they say “I think I’m going to quit.” And we’re like “why?” and they say “I’m not making an impact.” To which we say - “you’ve only been there eight months…”

It’s as if they’re standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have on the world, which is the summit. What they don’t see is the mountain. I don’t care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly, but there’s still a mountain.

 And so what this young generation needs to learn is patience. That some things that really, really matter, like love or job fulfillment, joy, love of life, self confidence, a skillset, any of these things, all of these things take time. Sometimes you can expedite pieces of it, but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult and if you don’t ask for help and learn that skillset, you will fall off the mountain. Or the worst case scenario, we’re seeing an increase in suicide rates in this generation, we’re seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses, we’re seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take a leave of absence due to depression. Unheard of. This is really bad.

The best case scenario, you’ll have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really finding joy. They’ll never really find deep, deep fulfillment in work or in life, they’ll just waft through life and it things will only be “just fine.” “How’s your job?” “It’s fine, same as yesterday...” “How’s your relationship?” “It’s fine…”

That’s the best case scenario.  

Which leads to the fourth point which is environment. Which is we’re taking this amazing group of young, fantastic kids who were just dealt a bad hand and it’s no fault of their own, and we put them in corporate environments that care more about the numbers than they do about the kids. They care more about the short-term gains than the life of this young human being. We care more about the year than the lifetime. We are putting them in corporate environments that are not helping them build their confidence. That aren’t helping them learn the skills of cooperation. That aren’t helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance. 

That isn’t helping them overcome the need for instant gratification and teach them the joys and impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year.

So we thrust them into corporate environments and the worst thing is they think it’s them. They blame themselves. They think it’s them who can’t deal. And so it makes it all worse. It’s not them. It’s the corporations, it’s the corporate environment, it’s the total lack of good leadership in our world today that is making them feel the way they do. They were dealt a bad hand and it’s the company’s responsibility to pick up the slack and work extra hard and find ways to build their confidence, to teach them the social skills that their missing out on.

When we are out with friends, as we are leaving for dinner together, we leave our cell phones at home. Who are we calling? Maybe one of us will bring a phone in case we need to call an Uber. It’s like an alcoholic. The reason you take the alcohol out of the house is because we cannot trust our willpower. We’re just not strong enough. But when you remove the temptation, it actually makes it a lot easier. When you just say “Don’t check your phone,” people will just go to the bathroom and what’s the first thing we do? We look at the phone.

When you don’t have the phone, you just check out the world. And that’s where ideas happen. The constant, constant, constant engagement is not where you have innovation and ideas. Ideas happen when our minds wander and we see something and we think, “I bet they could do that…” That’s called innovation. But we’re taking away all those little moments.

The point is, we now in industry, whether we like it or not, we don’t get a choice, we now have a responsibility to make up the shortfall. And help this amazing, idealistic, fantastic generation build their confidence, learn patience, learn the social skills, find a better balance between life and technology because quite frankly it’s the right thing to do.

[shymouthbigmind]

Apparently, millennials, as a generation, which is a group of people who were born approximately 1984 and after, are tough to manage. They are accused of being entitled and narcissistic, self interested, unfocused, lazy - but entitled is the big one. Because they confound leadership so much, what's happening is leaders are asking the millennials 'what do you want?' And millennials are saying 'we want t0 work in a place with purpose', love that. 'We want to make an impact', whatever that means... 'We want free food and bean bags.” And so someone articulates some sort of purpose, free food and there's bean bags, and yet, for some reason, they are still not happy. And that's because there's a missing piece. I can break it down to four pieces, four things, four characteristics: 1. Parenting. 2 Technology. 3 Impatience. 4 Environment. The generation that we call the millennials, too many of them grew up subject to, not my words, 'failed parenting strategies.' Where, for example, they were told that they were special - all the time, they were told they can have anything they want in life, just 'cause they want it. Some of them got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parents complained. Some of them got A’s not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn’t want to deal with the parents. Some kids got participation medals, they got a medal for coming in last. Which the science we know is pretty clear is that it devalues the medal and the reward for those who actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed because they know they didn’t deserve it so that actually makes them feel worse. So you take this group of people and they graduate and they get a job and they’re thrust into the real world and in an instant they find out they are not special, their mom’s can’t get them a promotion, that you get nothing for coming in last and by the way you can’t just have it 'cause you want it. In an instant their entire self image is shattered. So you have an entire generation that is growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations. The other problem to compound it is we are growing up in a Facebook/Instagram world, in other words, we are good at putting filters on things. We’re good at showing people that life is amazing even though I am depressed… So everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they got it all figured out and the reality is there’s very little toughness and most people don’t have it all figured out. So when the more senior people say “what should we do?” they sound like “this is what you gotta do!” - and they have no clue.  So you have an entire generation growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations - through no fault of their own, they were dealt a bad hand. Now let’s add in technology. We know that engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical called dopamine. That’s why when you get a text - it feels good. We've all had it when you're feeling a little bit down, feeling a bit lonely so you send out ten texts to ten friends: hi; hi; hi; hi; hi; hi. 'Cause it feels good when you get a response. It's why we count the likes and if my instagram is going slower, 'did I do something wrong?' 'do they don't like me anymore?', the trauma for young kids to be 'unfriended'. Because we know when you get it you get a hit of dopamine which feels good. Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink and when we gamble. In other words, it’s highly, highly addictive… We have age restrictions on smoking, gambling and alcohol but we have no age restrictions on social media and cell phones. Which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers 'hey by the way, if this adolescence thing gets you down...'. That's basically what's happening. An entire generation that has access to an addictive, numbing chemical called dopamine, through social media and cellphones while they are going through the high stress of adolescence. Why is this important? Almost every alcoholic discovered alcohol when they were teenagers. When we are very, very young the only approval we need is the approval of our parents and as we go through adolescence we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers. Very frustrating for our parents, very important for the us, it allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families and into the broader tribe. It’s a highly, highly stressful and anxious period of our lives and we are supposed to learn to rely on our friends. Some people, quite by accident, discover alcohol, the numbing effects of dopamine, to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence. Unfortunately that becomes hard wired in their brains and for the rest of their lives, when they suffer significant stress, they will not turn to a person, they will turn to the bottle. Social stress, financial stress, career stress, that’s pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks. What's happening is because we are allowing unfettered access to these dopamine producer devices and media, basically it is becoming hard wired and what we are seeing as they grow older, too many kids don’t know how to form deep, meaningful relationships. Their words, not mine. They will admit that many of their friendships are superficial. They will admit that they don’t count on their friends, they don’t rely on their friends. They have fun with their friends, but they also know that their friends will cancel on them when something better comes along. Deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practiced the skillset and worse, they don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. So when significant stress stars to show up in their lives, they’re not turning to a person, they’re turning to a device, they’re turning to social media, they’re turning to these things which offer temporary relief. We know, the science is clear, we know that people who spend more time on Facebook suffer higher rates of depression than people who spend less time on Facebook. These things balanced, are not bad. Alcohol is not bad, too much alcohol is bad. Gambling is fun, too much gambling is dangerous. There is nothing wrong with social media and cellphones, it’s the imbalance. If you are sitting at dinner with your friends, and you are texting somebody who is not there - that’s a problem, that’s an addiction. If you are sitting in a meeting with people you are supposed to be listening to and speaking, and you put your phone on the table, face up or face down I don't care, that sends a subconscious message to the room 'you’re just not that important to me right now.' And the fact that you can’t put it away, is because you are addicted. If you wake up and you check your phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse, you have an addiction. And like all addictions, in time, it'll destroy relationships, it'll cost time, it'll cost money and it'll make your life worse. So you have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem that doesn’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Now you add in the sense of impatience. They’ve grown up in a world of instant gratification. You want to buy something, you go on Amazon and it arrives the next day. You want to watch a movie, log on and watch a movie. You don’t check movie times. You want to watch a TV show, binge! you don’t even have to wait week-to-week-to-week. I know people who skip seasons, just so they can binge at the end of the season. Instant gratification. You want to go on a date? You don’t even have to learn. You don’t need to learn how to practice that skill. You don’t have to be the uncomfortable person who says yes when you mean no and no when you mean yes. Swipe right - bang - done! You don’t even need to learn the social coping mechanism. Everything you want you can have instantaneously. Everything you want, instant gratification, except, job satisfaction and strength of relationships - their ain’t no out for that. They are slow, meandering, uncomfortable, messy processes. And so I keep meeting these wonderful, fantastic, idealistic, hardworking smart kids that’ve just graduated school and are in their entry-level jobs and when I sit down with them and go 'how’s it going?' they go 'I think I’m going to quit.' I'm like 'why?' they're like 'I’m not making an impact'. I'm like 'you've been here eight months…'.  It’s as if their standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world, which is the summit. What they don’t see is the mountain. I don’t care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly, but there’s still a mountain. And so what this young generation needs to learn is patience. That some things that really, really matter, like love or job fulfillment, joy, love of life, self confidence, a skillset, any of these things, all of these things take time. Sometimes you can expedite pieces of it, but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult and if you don’t ask for help and learn that skillset, you will fall off the mountain. Or the worst case scenario, we’re seeing an increase in suicide rates in this generation, we’re seeing an increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses, we’re seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take a leave of absence due to depression. Unheard of. This is really bad. The best case scenario, you’ll have an entire population growing up and going through life and just never really finding joy. They’ll never really find deep, deep fulfillment in work or in life, they’ll just waft through life and it will be 'just fine.' 'How’s your job?' 'It’s fine, same as yesterday...' 'How’s your relationship?' 'It’s fine…' That’s the best case scenario.   Which leads me to the fourth point which is environment. Which is we’re taking this amazing group of young, fantastic kids who were just dealt a bad hand and it’s no fault of their own, and we put them in corporate environments that care more about the numbers than they do about the kids. They care more about the short-term gains than the long-term life of this young human being. We care more about the year than the lifetime. We are putting them in corporate environments that aren’t helping them build their confidence. That aren’t helping them learn the skills of cooperation. That aren’t helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance. That isn’t helping them overcome the need for instant gratification and teach them the joys and impact and the fulfillment you get from working hard on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year. So we thrust them into corporate environments and the worst part is they think it’s them. They blame themselves. They think it’s them who can’t deal. And so it makes it all worse. It’s not them. It’s the corporations, it’s the corporate environment, it’s the total lack of good leadership in our world today that is making them feel the way they do. They were dealt a bad hand and, I hate to say it but, it’s the company’s responsibility. We have no choice. This is what we got. I wish society that society and their parents did a better job -they didn't. So we're getting them into our companies and we now have to pick up the slack and work extra hard to figure out the ways to build their confidence, we have to work extra hard to teach them the social skills that their missing out on. There should be no cellphones in conference rooms. None, zero. When sitting and waiting for a meeting to start, instead of using your phone with your head down, everyone should be focused on building relationships. Relationship are formed this way, when we're waiting for a meeting to star: 'How’s your dad? I heard he was in the hospital.' 'Oh he’s really good thanks for asking. He’s actually at home now.' 'Oh I’m glad to hear that. That was really amazing.' 'I know, it was really scary for a while there.' -- That’s how you form relationships. 'Hey did you ever get that report done?' 'Oh my god, no, I didn't.' 'I'll help you out with that.' 'Really?' -- That’s how trust forms. Trust doesn’t form at an event in a day. Even bad times don’t form trust immediately. It’s the slow, steady consistency and we need to create mechanisms where we allow for those little innocuous interactions to happen. I did this with my friends, as we are leaving for dinner together, we leave our cell phones at home. Who are we calling? Maybe one of us will bring a phone in case we need to call an Uber. Or take a picture of our meal. I'm an idealist but I'm not insane... It’s like an alcoholic. The reason you take the alcohol out of the house is because we cannot trust our willpower. We’re just not strong enough. But when you remove the temptation, it actually makes it a lot easier. When you just say 'Don’t check your phone' people will just go to the bathroom and what’s the first thing we do? We look at the phone. When you don’t have the phone, you just enjoy the world. And that’s where ideas happen. The constant, constant, constant engagement is not where you have innovation and ideas. Ideas happen when our minds wander and we see something and we  go 'I bet we could do that…' That’s called innovation. But we’re taking away all those little moments. None of us should charge our phones by our beds. We should be charging our phones in the living rooms. Remove the temptation. You wake up in the middle of the night because you can’t sleep, you won’t check your phone, which makes it worse. But if it’s in the living room, it’s relaxed, it’s fine. Some say 'But it’s my alarm clock.' Buy an alarm clock. They cost eight dollars. I'll buy you one. The point is, we now in industry, whether we like it or not, we don’t get a choice, we now have a responsibility to make up the shortfall. And to help this amazing, idealistic, fantastic generation build their confidence, learn patience, learn the social skills, find a better balance between life and technology because quite frankly it’s the right thing to do.

Simon Sinek on Millennials