#i am insanely proud of that illustration

[bittersweet-mojo]

HAPPY SECRET SAMOL @mariusperkins !!!

I was so incredibly thrilled to be assigned to you these have been a labour of (many many hours) of love! For the rest of you who didn't get to read my email I give you Lye Lychen and Es, swing dancing and sneaking off from a party you're supposed to be infiltrating you guys!!!

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Rocky road, cotton candy, and sweet cream~ 🍬🍭🍰🥰

[marquisecubey]

Dude! i need to say that seeing a post that I put a ton of thought and effort into despite it not being my main artistic medium (illustration) slowly catch up with and then actually SURPASS a different post in a fandom of similar cultural relevance that IS in my main medium (costuming)

it feels good!!! it's really cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[celestialalpacaron]

Ayo, someone by the name of Curly-B-Blog is redlining art of yours from 2020 (while pretending that it's actually Sai Scribble's work), and kind of being a dick about it. just thought you should know.

You know, originally I was just gonna brush it off, but then I went back to look at my old SU art from 2020 and did so much self reflection from then till now.

I think this was around the time I was just learning how to do perspective and tried to use the perspective tool on Procreate for the first time? :0 and I remember telling Sai “Sai I have this STUPID idea, I CANT believe it this stupid joke it’s so DUMBBBB, it’s living rent free in my BRAIN I SWEAR THIS IS GONNA BE SO STUPID DCIUWHEFIUWHIRFUIW4F” and being super excited to show her the finished product. People still think Sai created the Cursed Skin Gloves comic and I think it’s hilarious wjhwnuhwijwuiw

The comic was received very well and it made LOTS of people laugh and I’m still proud of this comic to this very day! :D and tbh if it wasn’t for my obsession for Sai’s Switcheroo AU I never would have found my passion in comic work! (love you you stinky hoe @saiscribbles 🩷)

HOWEVER…. I definitely still had lots to learn! I wasn’t very good at perspective at the time I’ll admit, but I was definitely having lots of fun learning :3

And throughout the past 4 years, ALOT has happened.

I graduated from college with TWO fancy pieces of expensive papers in Visual Development in Animation and Illustration learning from Will Kim and Jeff Soto, and as a I was working with the funny voice man Cougar MacDowall as a comic/story artist and reached in total around 7 million views for my fan series FNAF Security Malware Breached (it was even #21 on the trending list around the time of my birthday 🩷 what a lovely gift), had an insane opportunity to work with Mike Geno and with the voice cast from The Amazing Digital Circus for a fan song as a background and character asset artist, Vivienne Medrano liking and sharing my silly Overlord Husk AU comics, currently on my route to getting my certificate from Aaron Blaise’s Character design program and graduating from Marc Brunet Art School, and now I am completing my first year as professional colorist and art assistant for my storyboard and comic mentor Michelle Lam, aka Mewtripled! (Also I’ll be heading out to Lightbox Expo 2024 on October 26 with Michelle and the team so if y’all ever wanna meetup hahahajaj wink wink wink wink wink)

So you can say I learned ALOT and I enjoyed every minute of what I do :D I try to be humble about my accomplishments because blah blah being humble good yes yes but this time I wanna be selfish and say HELL YEAH I DID ALL THIS!!! AND IM SO EXTREMELY PROUD OF MYSELF FIUGEIURGERGGRS

Now here’s my most recent comic page that I posted like 2 days ago without the text.

That’s pretty freakin wild to me, I can’t believe I used to draw Steven Universe art like that back in 2020 LOL LIKE GUYS I DREW THIS!! WITH!!! MY HANDS!!! IS THAT NOT INSANE!!!???

Anyways moral of the story:

Learn from everyone and everything! Yes, even then mean ones too! If you can learn to work with anyone, I promise you’ll get to where you want to be faster. People can be a little mean on the internet, but that shouldn’t stop you from being where you want to be in the future. I’m so EXTREMELY grateful for all the opportunities and to all the kind professionals who were willing to give me a chance. Seriously, I’m so graciously thankful for everything, and I hope everyone here will support me and my silly little comics I will do now and in the future!

And one more thing:

Don’t be a jerk. Be to be nice to everyone :D nothing good comes out when you’re bad to everyone.

[factoryfileshorrorseries]

Faded Memories - Illustration Dump

[ DO NOT REPOST, ALL ART & CONCEPTS WERE MADE BY ME ]

Project Time: 36hrs 37min

Here are some of the illustrations I put together for that little “animatic” thing I did Tuesday. (It really isn’t but I tried)

Honestly the pictures themselves turned out great! I’m super proud of myself! But I don’t animate in the slightest so editing them to look like some kind of decaying slideshow was the only fun thing about the whole process, aside from the actual drawings.

I plan to post the two ending illustrations next week, my current posting schedule is really Tuesdays only (until I find a job and have a solidified schedule). But that’s just so I don’t go insane trying to do a million projects at once!

I’ve got some more illustrations coming out but they take like ten hours to finish so it’s always a huge cut out of my day to put them together for all of you. So please have patience while I try to add to the Poppy Playtime bandwagon, I really am trying! 😅

In the mean time if you want to see more of my art you can check out my other Sub Blogs. I post regularly on the one I made for Octonauts (yes I know, but Octonauts is my Bluey) or you can see what I’m cooking up on DeviantArt!

Characters Featured: DogDay, CatNap, BobbyBearhug, CraftyCorn, PickyPiggy, BubbaBubbaphant, KickinChiken, HoppyHopscotch, (Oc) Maven Holbrook

Fandom: Poppy Playtime

Fanfic Title: The Factory Files Vol. 2: “The Rising Hour”

[ This is a Poppy Playtime AU, in no way is this canon to the OG storyline. ]

[glasgalahad]

Rɪsɪɴɢ Rᴀɢᴇ.

↠ Goss Harag's been on the backburner of monsters to illustrate, and I am insanely proud of the final product, now that he's here! It was a really calm, laid-back drawing process, overall- I definitely went with a looser style, this time around.

I love the design of these guys, the clear inspirational referencing of the Namahage kami in particular is something that has always stood out- they're one of my favourite folkloric beings, visually.

© GʟᴀsGᴀʟᴀʜᴀᴅ 2023 | Mᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇ ᴜsᴇᴅ/ʀᴇᴅɪsᴛʀɪʙᴜᴛᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴsᴇɴᴛ.

[gyll-yee-haw]

Birthday Surprise

Hii, everyone! I'm back with something short to celebrate our man's bday and the release of his book! (so proud :'))

Hope you like it! (I'm kinda rusty, haven't written anything in YEARS)

Prompt: You give Jake a very special birthday present :)

Like 1k words

Warnings: fluff, mentions of pregnancy.

You were almost shaking in anticipation. Oh, how long the two of you waited for that moment... ever since you got married, and maybe even a bit before that, you and Jake have always discussed starting your own family. Seeing how he was with his nieces always made your ovaries ache.

Now he was in his "uncle era" as you would call. Releasing and promoting his book "The Secret Society of Aunts & Uncles" was just so exciting for him and you were beyond proud, seeing him so happy and trying new things.

You were almost sad that era would have to end... soon he would start a new one. And he had no idea.

Ever since your test results came positive, you knew you had to find a special way to tell Jake. He deserved that.

You found out two weeks before his birthday. Perfect opportunity... I mean, it was so hard to buy him presents... he always loved everything you got him, but you knew he never actually needed anything. But this year... it would be unforgettable.

-----

When the day came, you thought you would have a heart attack, you barely got any sleep. You knew he would love the surprise, but it had been so hard to keep it a surprise, it was almost driving you insane.

You found him sitting on the sofa, wearing an oversized green sweater after the two of you had his favorite breakfast. He seemed so calm and content. He looked cozy, he looked like home. You realized you were staring at him like a fool with a smile on your face. It was the right time, you felt it.

"Jake?" You called him as you walked to join him on the sofa. You held a box in your hands.

"Yeah, baby?" He gave you his sweetest smile.

"I wanted to give you a present. But... not something you could just buy, you know? Wanted it to be special." You explained, looking at the box. He could see you were nervous because of how you were gripping on it for dear life. You just felt that... when the box was no longer in your hands, the situation wouldn't be under control anymore.

"You know you didn't have to give me anything, my love." He tried to calm you down. "Just being able to wake up by your side for another year is more than I deserve."

You took a deep breath and handed him the box. He sat closer to you and hugged your shoulders, giving you a forehead kiss before opening it.

He unwrapped a very clearly homemade book. He looked at you in awe.

"Y/N? That's... that's so thoughtful, did you do all of this...?"

"Well, Ramona and Gloria helped with the illustrations." You explained, seeing him smile just imagining you and his nieces working together on this project. "I wrote the story and struggled to bind it for several days, so... I know it looks messy, I just..."

"It looks absolutely perfect." He got emotional before he could even imagine what was inside...

"Will you read it out loud?" You asked shyly. "Wanna see your reaction..."

"Sure!" He smiled excitedly, as he opened the book.

Writing is hard, I will not lie... But there's a man who makes me wanna try. I wonder how can he be... Looking this good at forty-three?

He left out a laugh and rolled his eyes.

How can you deny he's the greatest uncle of all times... When someone calls him "uncle", you can see the pride in his eyes.

You could hear the emotion on his voice. You could see his eyes running through the illustrations with absolute adoration.

He's more than an uncle, it's true He gets called another thing or two The greatest actor, the funniest guy, He doesn't even have to try. How lucky am I, cause in the end I get to call him my best friend

That's it. Now he was going to read the important part. Your heart was about to burst.

But there's something he's never been called before... Something he'll have to wait a few months for. But I'm sure he will be glad Cause he'll have someone to call him... dad.

At the end of the page, you glued the pregnancy test. He stared at it wide-eyed, speechless.

"Honey, is this..." he was afraid of saying it out loud. It was too good to escape his lips.

"Yes. It's true." You grabbed his hand and placed it softly on your belly. "I'm pregnant, Jake."

He murmured something inhuman as he placed his gift on the side so he could bring you to his arms and fill your face with little kisses.

"This is... the best birthday present I ever got... I mean... they both are, the book and this..." he looked at your belly, then to your eyes. "Thank you, my angel, I love you so much... I love... this baby so much already, I..."

"We love you too." You replied as you felt your eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry, but now you'll have to start working on 'The Secret Society of dads'..."

"Y/N." He freaked out when it hit him. "I have NO IDEA how to be a dad..."

"I'm just joking" you laughed at his reaction. "You don't have to write a book about it."

"I just have to raise the child, which seems easier, huh?" He raised his eyebrows sarcastically.

"I know it's hard." You reassured him. "But you got me as a coauthor in this one."

"In that case... I just know it will be the most beautiful story."

______________________________________________________________

As promised, tagging my sweet @gyllenhaalstories, who inspired me to come back, and made me feel very welcome <3

[reynarenn]

i am so insanely proud of this one I made for class I just wish I knew how to tag illustrations

[erika-xero]

Thinking a lot of how social media affect art, how it is getting increasingly more difficult to earn money with it and honestly it just... makes me so sad?.. Disclaimer: I do not want you to pity me. I just want to share some thoughts. Some fears, maybe. Some regrets.

I know that I might never be able to make a good fortune by drawing illustrations, because it seems that I was entirely wrong with my priorities? I always wanted to do more: bigger pieces, more characters and hidden details. I wanted my art to tell a story, if possible.

Who could possible know that most of the people will move to mobile devices with small vertical screens, on which wide detailed illustrations with cinematic feel will look the worst?

Who could possible know that the algorythms of the social media would want you to draw MORE yet, somehow, draw less? I could go insane doing the same stuff over and over again: small portraits, halfbodies in the same simplistic style because they look best in instagram or on tumblr mobile app and gather more attention? And they are also faster to make, thus you can please the allmightly algorythm posting every day or two?..

I love my work, I adore doing various things, I love it when one week I work on a traditional art fullbody with a golden halo and the other three weeks - on a digital artwork with a dynamic fighting scene. But gods. How tiring is it to know that the piece you've been working on will get barely any attention, because three-weeks gap in my posting schedule will, for sure, upset the allmighty algorithm.

They say that it is always bad to switch style or a theme, because people get upset and unfollow you once they see something they aren't waiting to see. Different character body type? Unfollowing. Different facial feature? Unfollowing. Different aesthetic? Unfollowing.

Slightly different shading and coloring? Unfollowing.

But variety has key importance to me. I wish to draw characters which are drastically different from each other. I want to experiment. I want to explore. I want a drawing to be a puzzle I will be solving for hours, days, weeks, never getting bored. I do not wish my work to become a rutine to serve the algorithm or even the general public.

I see, like, those commercially succesfull artists, who post every day earning more money per week than I will be ever earning per month. It is all the same story over and over again: conventionally attractive characters. Halfbodies. Pleasant facial expressions: faint smiles, slightly raised eyebrows. Simple pose, 3/4, detailed clothing. Always the same stylistic choises. Always the same aesthetic.

Of course, sometimes they do draw stronger, bigger pieces, they experiment, they search for something new - but mostly secretely. In private. During the free time they earn - by their hard work and dedication.

I... can not afford drawing stuff for myself in my free time. Honestly, I don't have free time either than the time I spend on my trips to hometown - the only moments I could spend with my family. Neither can I draw five similar pieces in a row, because my brain starts to melt like a strawberry sundae?.. Because when I get bored, I lose concentration? Because, I made variety the key feature of my art and this turned out to be the worst decision an artist can make?

Am I just... weak? Am I stupid? Am I unworthy? Am I childish for wanting my job to be fun and entertaining and fulfilling to do?

There's this group chat I am in, and today someone, the succesful artist, said that anyone, who has less than 10K followers are, to say so, a no one? All of a sudden I feel so upset. My day is ruined. I never had 10K anywhere but VK (which is absolutely useless to anyone doing commissions). I never even cared about numbers... I never wanted to be big. Be popular. For most of the time, my biggest wish was to feel... fulfilled? To be happy, be proud of what I am doing?

I feel fulfilled. But I also don't want to starve myself to death. And I certainly feel like if I, one day, will want to have family, I wouldn't be able to make enough money to afford having a child.

Was I... entirely wrong? Did I waste my time chasing phantoms? Is it too late for me? Will I be among those, who might not survive the hard times, at least, as an artist?

[squeakadeeks]

your shape language in cosplay is really impressive - every time i see your sewing work (plushies included) the first things that strike me are how clear and defined and expressive the shapes are, and also you're really good with selecting and balancing textures. it's really neat. i dont usually think of people having 'art styles' so to speak with sewing but your work does which is extremely cool! i hope you're really proud of your work cause it's easily my favorite sewing i've seen (again including plushies) and your skill is apparent in everything you do, even the littler projects <3 also unrelated but love your videos where you take character-wearing-spikes and stick a waffle on the spikes. hilarious bit 10/10

thank you!! this is very kind and it means a lot ;-; shape language is one of the things i spend the most time thinking about. priority #1

i think the reason why i can have a consistent style between mediums is be it illustration, plushies, sculpting, OOAKs, or sewing- no matter what, i'm still me and i'm am still insane 🫶 🫰

also ty for the bit appreciation that was one of my favorite hall of fame bits. realistically the waffle probably wasnt fully edible after being skewered on a spray painted spike, so i only took bites for comedic effect 🤔

[berrypass-de-murdler]

2 - 66 The Village Book Club Murder

Spot the difference :0

Yea I bought another copy and this one is going to be 'fully illustrated'

Cramming TINY drawings into TINY spaces

So many phlat little logicos

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

Irratino gets a call. It’s not from Logico, so now he answers it. Dude-

RAVEN: Yeah. You have been on the murder game by yourself for WAY too long. Take a break, read a book. Do something nice with your time.  IRRATINO: I… I guess. 

Poor Logico is rotting away in a cage. Anyway, searching for something relaxing, Irratino stumbles across a small village. The sign reads ‘Very Special Village: Contains a Secret!’. Sounds like Goat Lord’s cup of tea. So he wanders around until he finds himself in a bookshop, where some pals are raving about their favorite Dame Obsidian novels. What other books are there? Earl Grey, Bishop Azure, the Duchess of Vermillion, and Sir Rulean are having a tea, without asking where it came from of course. In the background, a human is crushed under a piano. How did someone even accomplish that??

GREY: Hello… do you need something? IRRATINO: Can I join the book club?

They all look at each other with grave suspicion.

AZURE: Sure i guess

Irratino is handed a book called Knock Knock… Who’s There? Murder! He snorts - he thought the episode titles were bad, this is insane! 

AZURE: The book I want to talk about is A Very Proper Murder. I believe Deductive Logico did not do it justice when he referenced it in his memoir - every time I read it, the end surprises me. The affair between Baron Maroon and Earl Grey is such an amazing twist.

Grey kicks the book out of her hands and across the room.

GREY: Let’s talk of a different book! AHAHAHAHA!!

This discussion is… something, but Irratino can’t help but pay attention more to the carcass in the room. How did someone- never mind. The most important question is who. He gets up and scans the room - the others are too busy with their books to even notice. There’s a suit of armor on display, but it’s crooked - like someone shoved it back last-minute. Proud of his logical deduction, he looks inside, and finds a scaly speck of blood. He could test it, but he’s more interested in the shed scales - upon microscopic examination, they are shown to be from the Duchess. Why have the suspects been leaving so many blood stains everywhere? 

Irratino takes to outside for further clues. When he wanders into the pub, the chatter immediately stops and all the guests stare at him. And across the street, there’s a human in a rocking chair on the porch, muttering something under his breath. 

DUCHESS: Where did the goat man go?

Irratino zips back into his seat and pretends he was listening. He sees that Sir Rulean is just as interested as he is, and is playing chess with himself.

IRRATINO: What are you doing? RULEAN: I’m trying to study how the knights move, so I can be more like a real knight. [...] …Whoops-

Irratino does something incredible - he draws a grid just like Logico does! And when he does, he finds the solution to be… a lot easier to find than when he decides to formulate everything in his head. Earl Grey was the piano killer! With his scrawny figure? HOW?

GREY: I did that to protect the secret! Which I’ve done.

Irratino remembers the secret this village boasts. Running outside to find more, he spies a newspaper in the trash: ‘Major Red to Reveal Major News!’

IRRATINO: What… am I doing? What am I DOING? I can’t take a vacation! NOT NOW!

And he runs to find the prison. Logico isn’t worth losing for anything.

The end!

hhhhHHHHhhHHhHH

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[d011zk1ll]

If you're a person who has any sort of impact on a struggling child's life, let it be a positive one.

For background, I'm a child who's struggled with attendance this year, due to mental health issues. It was under 50%, and at my school anything below 94% is insanely low. I am officially the person with the lowest attendance ever at that school, and they've been going for 7 years now.

Since may 22nd, I have had 100% attendance. This is because I've had incredibly supportive friends, family and teachers.

I have been pulled out of lines, and classes multiple times to be told how well I'm doing and how they're proud of me. That simple thing that takes 30 seconds has kept me in on time all half term.

The leads for mental health at my school took a few minutes out of their day to go above and BEYOND to do something nice for me, and send me postcards to congratulate me. Hand written postcards one of which has the prettiest illustration of a flower on it, and a custom sticker.

The moral of my ramble is that if you try, your efforts will be noticed and appreciated. As long as you try, you're doing the best you can and that's amazing. It can get better, and it will get better.

[halsins-herbal-underpants]

my writing ~

hello I just wanted to share my writing today, i think lots of people followed me probably from art they saw but I write too! here are some things i've written you might like to check out:

my Ao3 account everything is there! including things I'm not mentioning here ~ if you read something you like, feel free to comment! I loves them

Baldur's Gate 3

Red - Wyll x Astarion

- A oneshot based on a fun prompt in which Wyll jumps to the wrong conclusion, much to Astarion's delight

- 860 words

- short and sweet (and cute!)

Control - My Tav x Halsin - A four chapter short interlude between Acts 2 and 3 in which a struggling Tav (my Ranger drow Dayan) needing some kind of catharsis he can't name, goes down by the river (lol) to blow off some steam, but is found by a concerned druid, who might have just what the healer ordered to help his anxiety-ridden mind. - 16k words - A little characterization, a lot of smut. Fea. bottom submissive Halsin and Entangle-based shibari! One of my favorite things I've written. (I've also rewritten some sections, give it another look if you read it awhile ago.) Considered very hot by some. uwu

Between Want and Need - Astarion x Halsin

- One-shot of some hurt/comfort between Astarion and Halsin, a slow realization, some fun party banter and a sweet sentimental ending.

- 6k words

- Entirely written as an excuse for me to make a gaming joke about a concept that didn't even originate from the genre of the game the characters are from, and I even change the name of it in the fic to be less funny. I am a genius. But very sweet, honestly.

--------

Final Fantasy 14

Desert Heat - original WoL x ffxiv OC

- My very first fic ever! A queer Miqo'te x Miqo'te heatfic that's about 40% plot and 60% smut, with a myriad of kinks. Trans femme character! Bisexual catboys! Which is kinda redundant to say! I'm insanely proud of this it took me over 3 months to write.

- 57k - it is an actual novelette lol

- The chapters are a little long bc I didn't really know how long a chapter should be at the time, they end when it feels 'right'. But there are nsfw images included for illustrative purposes in each chapter! If you like mating cycle/heat fics, threesomes, dp and cat people you may like this. Talks about events in game.

A Body in Need - original WoL x Fanow (just...Fanow) - Spoilers for Shadowbringers expac. This is another heatfic, with Viera (rabbits) this time lol. One lone male bun against an entire village of Viera women in heat. What's a boy to do...? - 7.5k words - A shameless smutfic all about nearly an entire village of hot Viera bunny girls ganging up on the one guy in their midst during their heat cycle. Pretty dang hot I do think!

The Price of Regret - several FFXIV NPCs

- One of the fics I'm most proud of which of course means its the least read lol. But! I think you can read it without knowing a thing about FFXIV, most unknowns can be figured out through context clues. So if the synopsis at the link appeals, give it a try!

- 44k words

That's it! hopefully more writing to come after this, I've been on an awful writing block lately but I hope to start writing the full Dayan x Halsin bg3 playthrough soon.

[ladiemars]

can i just say that i've been around your blog for quite some time now and the evolution of your art is incredible??? it just keeps getting better

this makes me so happy yipeeeee 🤸‍♂️

thank you for sticking around for so long because my old art was questionable to say the least. but i am soooo proud of my progress lately. 🫶 it’s actually insane to compare my art now to the art i made when i first started posting.

like this was how i illustrated a scene from wayhaven book 3 back in 2020 vs how i illustrated a scene from book 3 in 2023

insanity !!

[stanfordsweater]

happy wincest wednesday, ava!! what are your favorite samdean edits you've made so far? (top 5 or top 10)

thank you vicky 🥺 i'll do top 5! i'm sorry this is so late but wincest wednesday is more a state of mind, right???? RIGHT!

starting this off with my soft rock playlist because i'm gonna fail to ever make one of these posts again--i had a really good time putting the playlist together with several discord pals, which was essential help! i have limited knowledge of the genre and i was able to find some gems with their help, so: thanks to y'all <3 i like the composite feel that comes with the several images of different dimensions + i tend to shy away from these paler/overlaid filter style edits, so it was nice to push outside my (very shadowy) comfort zone.

fourth is a tie between this edit from one of my long time favourite songs and this dead in the water gifset! i couldn't decide because i like the first one for the fun narrative switch right at the end that takes it from sam's POV to dean's, but the second one is one of my favourite episodes and has a fun grimy look to it. all good things...

my third fave is unclean in the biblical sense because it really is the sam thesis, as i see it. it's simple, it's clean, and it distills several very important parts of his character in those early seasons into four gifs, which i'm quite proud of! i've seen other versions of this quote with various scenes but none of them have really gripped me and had me nodding along, so i had to make my own.

#2 is this season four parallels post because a. it's the first gifset i finished and thought that i might actually be... good at this... and b. not enough people talk about these VERY deliberate parallels!!!! i LIVE for them.

my this is how you lose the time war post is my number one. i am really proud of the colouring being so different for the different eras but still looking cohesive in the full post, in large part because it's fucking HARD to try to match the colour from kripke era to later seasons. this one was a unique challenge because it's important to me to match my edits with the vibe/theme of the original work, and that book handles time non-chronologically in a way i knew i had to echo with my edit. i felt i had to try to capture the way sam is so cordoned-off, even to the number one person in his life-- sam kept the amulet for YEARS. that is INSANE. his expression when dean finds out he had it this whole time is brain bending. having that in the script was such a beautiful way to illustrate the way sam works, which is that he has his own way to keep himself accountable and to remember the things that shaped him, ways he would never bring up to another person-- the amulet symbolizes his love for dean, his rebellion against john, his personal failures in season 4-- it's in his pocket every day to remind him of what he and dean were-- and then in season 11, with his sentimentality stripped bare in front of dean, it becomes what they are, here and now. and that's really neat.

[souldivide]

art vent, kind of makes me look like a shallow person

FOR clarification i'm 20. turning 21 in two months. yippee! what an eye opener

the point of trying to profit your art, especially using your art to help fund for survival since you were 11 - you realize that while you want to improve your art for yourself, you're so consciously aware of what parts would appeal to strangers who see your art.

because you don't want to appeal to others to enjoy your art, you want to appeal to others to garner money and funds. i've ebegged on this site for almost a decade, on so many different accounts and even used my art as much as i could to get even more money. to pay bills, to pay for food, to help my mother in medical emergencies. since i was only 11 years old, by the way. a lot of the time, while it is a huge part of my reason to keep improving -- i don't actually think of reasons such as improving my art because 'i want to go to college' 'i want to be better' as much as my main reason being: i want this to sell to people.

that being said, my art style is something im so happy with right now for myself. but i think like. you have to really make your art your signature. that way, people will want to buy what you can give them. but algorithm is just, so hard to fight with now. the heartbreaking part is that, even if i'm at my 'peak' in art.

and my art has always been my one consistent interest, thats never faded. it's apart of my daily life. my routine, my medicine, my hobby, my enjoyment. i need this to live in many different ways. whether it be for providing my funds via commissions, coping art for trauma, or generally to express my happiness for things in my head, etc. i need this hobby or i will die. its the one skill ive had my entire life thats stuck, and its something i'm *good* at. and i've kept up with it to this day.

my art looks consistently good. flattering. i would say at some points it feels.. professional, sometimes. i am consistently proud and satisfied with my art and haven't struggled on pieces as much as i used to several years ago. it took me 2 months to come up with illustrations. now ive been pumping them out with ease. commissions are so much faster. quicker. ive really upgraded. i'm efficient, quick, and my stylization journey has been amazing.

yet..

this has been the hardest i've ever fucking struggled to make money, ever. since i was 11 years old. i've never.. had so much difficulty. i feel spoiled, honestly, when i know so many other artists struggle filling commissions too. but i've always had good fortune, i guess. good luck. but not since the year began. it's been so hard to fill in requests, so hard to fill slots. even when my prices are cheaper, it's still so hard. which is crazy, because 2 years ago i was consistently filling slots like crazy. i had consistent income, for the most part. i was able to help my family, avoid eviction, pay for water, clothes, food. emergencies like car wrecks, medical stuff -- god, its insane how much my art has helped me. it's scary. to think about what woulld happen if i didnt have this skill.

back then, like my art looked like this in 2021.

i look back and i wonder. this is fine, its definitely my art style. but how did i makee so much money off of stuff like this? so much more than i do now? i still draw fanart, and my art's been getting better. i think its honestly just bad luck, or maybe algorithm has flopped a lot of my stuff. either way, it's sort of humbling. Extremely humbling, that even with all this improvement - it still may not be enough to get me anywhere. i've never struggled before, trying to open commissions even when ive always focused on original content primarily. i know its hard to get popularity when you only draw ocs, but ive been fine for the most part. getting by, until lately.

i think i'll just have to keep working harder. see what people enjoy, but its just really ego crushingi think. And i could care less about popularity or anything. i think the really awful part is that im just stressed all the time about how i can keep making money off of this when its been so hard to even fill slots, let alone gaining peoples interests. Is this competition related? is this just a shit time for artists? am i just flopping. Who knows.. ohwell. ill survive