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goneseriesanalysis · 4 years ago

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Caine Soren

Hiya guys, so here are my thoughts and opinions on Caine from my re-read of the first book. I was planning on writing this quicker but my ADHD told me no. I’m prolly gonna write up a bunch now though because I’m ✨in the zone✨ Also, apologies but this is another long one because I am physically incapable of being concise

Spoilers for Gone down below

Original Opinion: Most of my criticism on him as a character came as a result of later development so I’m not quite sure whether that will change as of yet. But as far as his role as a villain, I really enjoyed his character and what he brought to the story.

New Opinion: I still maintain that Caine is a good main villain for this book. I found him to be waaaaay different and way less competent than I remember, but boy is he interesting. I have so many thoughts on Caine and it was a real struggle getting them all down.

1.) CAINE’S APPEARANCE:

Ok so we are first introduced to Caine in chapter 14 through Sam’s POV. We see him standing apart from the other Coates kids “wearing a bright yellow V-necked sweater instead of a blazer.” This is obviously done to set him apart from the other Coates kids, and (forgive me for going all English teacher on you) the colour yellow has connotations of corruption and deceit, which fit in pretty nicely with Caine as a character. Sam then goes on to give us a more detailed description:

“He was handsome, even Sam noticed that. He had dark hair and dark eyes, not much different from Sam himself. But this boy’s face seemed to glow with an inner light. He radiated confidence, but without arrogance or condescension. In fact, he managed to seem genuinely humble even while standing alone, looking out over everyone else.”

This is one of my least favourite descriptions in the whole book because it simultaneously manages to tell us almost nothing about Caine’s appearance whilst making me cringe so hard that my muscles start to atrophy. Seen as we get very little description of Sam, telling us that Caine looks like Sam is pretty much useless – although it nicely sets up the brother twist – and dark hair and dark eyes could mean anything. Are his eyes blue, brown, black?? Is his hair black or brown?? Who knows?? Not me. And don’t even get me started on his face glowing with an inner light. Because no. I hate this line so much it actually hurts. I thought at first it may be in reference to his connection with the gaiaphage. But that makes no sense. It reminds me of the scene in The Great Gatsby where Nick describes Gatsby’s smile for about half a page and he just sounds ridiculous. I will admit the last two sentences give a good example of Caine’s ability to charm and manipulate those around him but the rest is just aaa

We also learn that he is handsome, which is then followed by what I consider to be a writer’s greatest sin. “He was handsome, even Sam noticed that” – Every. Single. Time a male character describes another male character who just so happens to be attractive in any given book from any author, we get this line. It is the writer’s equivalent of saying no homo and I’m going to make it my personal mission to call them all out on it.

Ok moving on – sorry about that. Rant over.

Sam then says that “His voice was clear and just a little higher, maybe, than Sam’s, but strong and determined. He had a way of looking at the crowed before him that made it seem he was meeting every person’s eye, seeing every person as an individual.” This is good at further establishing Caine as a leader, and shows his relationship with crowds, it gives the reader some indication of his ability to control. He is able to easily win over those of Perdido Beach with his charm.

Caine gets referred to as being attractive by a few other characters throughout the book, but the last main description we get of him is from Drake’s POV in chapter 20:

“Caine sat in his over-large leather chair, the one that had previously belonged to the mayor of Perdido Beach. It made him look small. It made him look very young. And to make matters worse, he was chewing on his thumbnail, which made it almost look like he was sucking his thumb.”

This description is kind of reminiscent of the scene with Sam and the shirt that I talked about in my Sam Temple post. He has taken over the mayor’s chair but he is not fit to take on the position of mayor. Whereas Sam’s weakness in leadership stems from his insecurities and doubts, it is Caine’s narcissism and over-confidence that make him unfit to lead. Michael gives Caine the compulsion of biting his thumbnail when he is nervous. This is a habit that people often pick up to deal with challenging emotions is a less destructive way (as opposed to having a meltdown or getting angry) and works nicely for Caine’s character. It shows that while he does have his moments where he loses control, he is capable of controlling himself to a certain degree, making it seem more likely that someone like Diana might align herself with him. This also helps to further the idea that despite his narcissism and delusions of grandeur, he is still just a kid. And of course sets up the idea that Drake is somewhat resentful towards Caine.

2.) CAINE’S PERSONALITY:

Caine’s personality is a difficult one to analyse as there are two main aspects to it – the personality he projects in order to manipulate people and his actual personality – and sometimes the line between these blurs to the point where it becomes unclear which one we are seeing. One thing that I did notice is that in this book we don’t actually get a Caine POV until the Thanksgiving battle, so we mostly see him through the eyes of Sam, Jack, Drake and Diana, who all have very different relationships with him.

As I mentioned before, we first see Caine through Sam’s POV, where we are introduced to what I’m gonna call his fake personality. Michael uses phrases such as “Caine appeared interested” alongside Astrid’s commentary, which lets the reader know that Caine is not what he appears to be, but of course the general population of Perdido Beach are not aware of this. One criticism I had towards the way that Caine’s character is portrayed is that it is initially hinted that the reason he is able to gain such control over people is because of his proficiency in manipulation and his superficial kindness (such as when he comforts the kid who asks for his mum). And yet he manages to fool almost no-one?? Astrid, Sam, Edilio, Albert, Mary and Howard all immediately see through his façade, which makes it hard to believe that this is how he gained such influence over people. (And of course all the kids at Coates who were cemented saw through it too). In fact I found myself to be kind of confused as to why anyone follows him at all?? Is it just a fear of his power?? That’s… a little disappointing. He doesn’t become mayor because he charms the population. He becomes mayor because no-one else wants to do it, and no-one can be bothered to oppose him. And even when people start to become more afraid, they aren’t afraid of Caine. It’s Drake. Although, you of course have to take into account the fact that these are just children who want someone they can look towards for help and guidance. Perhaps Caine’s persuasive abilities are less about using his charm to completely win people over and more about him being able to take advantage of situations that are presented to him. He has just enough superficial charm and makes just enough beneficial changes (such as laying down rules and protecting the food) that people are willing to overlook some of the more sinister things that he does.

That being said, I think my main issue with so many characters being able to see through Caine so quickly, is what it says about or “hero.” Sam doing nothing to stop Caine, despite him clearly knowing that Caine is bad news makes him seem a little selfish?? His insecurities stop him from doing what is right, and while it is good to have a flawed hero, his willingness to allow Caine to terrorise Perdido Beach up until he threatens Sam personally seems less like a small character flaw and more like a pretty big lapse in morality and compassion. Would Sam have ever taken control if Caine hadn’t kidnapped him?? If Sam had been fooled by Caine’s manipulation that would imo have made both of their characters better fit their respective roles of protagonist and antagonist.

That being said one of my absolute favourite lines regarding Caine is “Then let’s go in together,’ Caine said. He turned and marched purposefully up the church steps. The rest of the chosen fell in behind him.” in chapter 14. I think this perfectly captures the contrast between what Caine says and what he does, and I really love it. One of Michael’s strengths is adding little throw away lines that can perfectly sum up a character and their intentions. And this idea of Caine saying something but meaning something else is pretty central to his character – the biggest pay-off we get from this in book 1 is him promising to protect the little’s and then (horrifyingly) feeding them to the coyotes in the final battle. This was a scene that I did not previously remember and man did I feel some emotions when reading it. There wasn’t even a second thought, absolutely no indication of remorse. I know a few times it’s mentioned throughout the books that the difference between Caine and Drake is that Caine only does what is necessary – but the scene with the coyotes really contradicts that idea.

Caine’s ‘real personality’ imo is shown in little moments throughout the books. By Caine’s real personality, I’m referring to the part of him that we don’t really see at all in this book, the part of him that is only really hinted at by Diana, and occasionally Drake. Even when Caine is around Diana and Drake, he still tries to keep up a persona – this time that of a cold and detached boy with little to no emotions. But this isn’t really who he is. I think the ‘real’ Caine is an extremely emotional person (although I would like to clarify that by emotional I mainly mean angry and sometimes scared) and there are a couple of moments where this does shine through. There are a few times where Caine loses his temper with both Drake and Diana, using his powers to injure them and to reiterate the power he has over them. I think this shows how insecure Caine truly is, despite what he would have others believe. He only ever breaks character when his authority is mocked or threatened, even if the threat holds no real intention (such as Diana’s jibe after he kisses her). I do find it interesting that, at the core, Sam and Caine are quite similar. It is how these insecurities manifest and project themselves that really define them as different. Caine’s insecurities also shine through in these quotes from Diana:

“Yes. Sam is a four bar. And Caine would freak.” – Chapter 29

“Caine, despite his over-sized ego, his looks, his charm, was terribly awkward with girls.” – Chapter 39

Caine needs to be in control. He needs to be the most powerful person in the room at all times, and the only two people who can really be considered a threat to him in this way are Diana and Sam. Sam is his main threat and Diana, of course, holds a certain amount of power over him due to his feelings towards her. However, any time that Diana seems to be gaining or trying to gain more power (most notably when she makes fun of him for kissing her and when she tries to make him call off the coyotes) he reacts with violence. But I’ll go into that more when I make a post about their relationship.

Another thing that I noticed about Caine that I hadn’t previously remembered is that, he’s a bit of a coward. We first see this in chapter 34 when Little Pete frees the Coates kids “Caine was quick. He backed away, turned, and ran for the building.” The one thing that really got me about this is that he didn’t wait for Diana. He just turned and saved himself. Which kind of brings into question why Diana stays with him. Does he offer protection?? He certainly didn’t here. He literally abandoned her and ran for the hills. The other time we really see this side of him when he uses Astrid as a human shield in chapter 45. Diana even comments on this, telling him to “be a man for once.” I don’t have much else to say about this, but I think it’s an interesting aspect of his personality that certainly makes it easier to dislike him.

Now the last thing I want to talk about in regards to his personality is chapter 36 (the chapter where Drake gets his arm cut off). Caine gets in three good moments during this scene, the first one being:

“It’s not Diana or Chunk or even me,’ Caine said. ‘It’s none of us, Drake. It’s Sam. It’s Sam who did this to you, Drake. You want him to get away with it? Or do you want to live long enough to make him suffer?”

This is one of my favourite Caine moments in the book, and it’s really one of the only times that we see his manipulation actually work on someone. He knows exactly what to say to Drake in order to shift the blame in the direction he wants. Forget that I left you behind to deal with Sam and the escaped kids yourself. Forget that Diana is sawing your arm off. Just focus on Sam. And I think this line had such an effect on Drake’s psyche (which I will explore more in my Drake post) and really excellently shows off Caine’s ability to take advantage of a pre-existing situation in order to benefit himself.

The next two moments are where I really think the lines between Caine’s persona and the ‘real’ Caine blur to the point where it’s unclear which side of him we are seeing – and I think there is an argument for both although imo I feel like it’s his persona that we are seeing.

“It’s the only way to stop the pain,’ Caine said, almost showing some emotion, some pity. ‘The arm is done for Drake-man.”

“Don’t cut off my arm,’ Drake cried. ‘Let me die. Just let me die. Shoot me. ‘Sorry,’ Caine said. ‘But I still need you, Drake. Even one-handed.”

So, we first get the idea that Caine, at least somewhat, feels sorry for Drake. Drake’s injury is horrific and it’s clear that other characters, such as Jack and Diana, who are usually nothing but hostile to Drake (and rightfully so) feel some sympathy towards the situation. Now it’s also important to note that this scene is from Drake’s POV so we don’t actually know if the sympathy Caine is showing is real, is part of his attempt to manipulate Drake, or isn’t there at all and is just something that Drake wants. (I think the last option is entirely plausible as Drake often seeks praise from Caine, so in a situation like this it makes sense that he would seek some empathy). However, Caine then goes on to refuse Drake’s plea for death… because he needs him. Not because he’s a friend – or even just an ally. Not because he doesn’t want him to die. But because he needs him. That’s cold. And it’s really cold to tell him that – which leads me to believe that the almost sympathy Drake sees earlier on was never there, or at the very least was just a manipulation tactic. Caine cares so little for the people around him and I find it quite funny that it was his treatment of Drake (the person probably most deserving of it) in this scene that really showed me how much of a villain Caine can be.

3.) CAINE’S MOTIVATIONS:

Why does Caine do the things he does?? Why does he need to be in control?? And while we don’t really get much insight into Caine’s head in this book, there are a few good moments which allowed a reader to speculate as to what his motivations are. The first moment that really stood out to me was in chapter 39, where Caine tries to open up to Diana about his parents:

“I always had the feeling, you know? That my family wasn’t my real family. They never said I was adopted, but my mother – well, the woman I thought was my mother, I don’t know what to call her now. Anyway, her, she never talked about having me. You know, you hear moms talking about going into labour and all. She never talked about that.”

From this, we can see that Caine always felt like an outsider within his own family, he always felt like he didn’t belong. And this seems to be a pretty big motivator when it comes to Caine’s need to take over, to have power over everyone else. If he has control, then he will always have a place. He will always belong because the world will be his. Caine never fit in in the real world, his narcissism (and probably psychopathy) distanced him from other people right from the get go. But in this new world, in the FAYZ, Caine has a chance to be important, to be a ruler and he’s willing to do pretty much anything to get that. I think this idea, of his need for power and control stemming from the lack of acceptance and belonging he felt with his family, is emphasised in chapter 46, during the poof:

“Caine seemed spellbound, unable to tear his gaze away from the gentle, smiling face, the piercing blue eyes. ‘Why?’ Caine asked in a small child’s voice. […] ‘Why him and not me?’ Caine asked.”

This is the only time I felt the slightest bit of sympathy for Caine during my re-read of this book. He is 14. A kid. He spent his whole life feeling like and outsider and now he knows that a woman he knew, a woman that he saw almost every night is his actual mother. That she also knew this and yet never tried to talk to him, to explain, to do anything. And now he’s looking at ‘her’ and all he wants to know is why. Why did she give him up?? He lacks empathy and many other emotions that allow healthy relationships with others, yet he still wants people to have that connection with him. He needs him and rely on him. So his solution is to gain enough power, enough authority and control so that people have to listen to him and have to rely on him. He doesn’t care how many people he hurts or pisses off, because in the end, if he gets what he wants, that won’t matter. He’ll be too powerful for it to matter because they’ll still need him anyway. And that’s why “All that matters is winning. So save it.” – Chapter 45

4.) CAINE’S INTENTIONS/ HIS ROLE AS A VILLAIN:

Caine’s intentions are pretty obvious from the very first time we meet him in chapter 14. And, of course, it is these intentions that really define his role as a villain. Now, in chapter 14, it never outright says that Caine’s intentions are to take complete control over Perdido Beach. In fact, Caine tries to make it seem like he wants to make a collaborative effort to help them all move forward. But once again, his actions contradict his words, most notably in these lines:

“Orc grunted, shifted the bat from right hand to left, and stuck out his thick paw. Caine grabbed it with both his hands and solemnly looked Orc in the eye as they shook hands.”

“But Caine grabbed his elbow and manoeuvred him into a handshake.” [Referring to Sam]

“Caine had moved confidently towards the altar.”

These lines subtly show that, whilst Caine talks about working together, he is really the one in charge. He is the one dictating what is happening and when it is happening, forcing Sam and Orc to shake his hand. Giving them jobs so that he can keep an eye on them (Orc) or keep them out of the way (Sam). And of course, he won’t stand with them in the church. They don’t sit around a table and talk as equals. Caine has to be up at the front. He also gets extremely angry when other people make demands, or give an idea that he can’t take credit for. The most obvious example of this being in response to Howard telling him that they wouldn’t be working for Drake. “Sam saw a coldly furious expression appear on Caine’s handsome face, then disappear as swiftly as it had come.” This is then followed up by Caine ripping a 12ft cross off of a wall and launching it at them, so it’s safe to say that he doesn’t appreciate his authority being challenged.

Later in the book we then get more obvious examples of his intentions, as his role as the villain is fully unveiled:

“Caine, to the surprise of no-one who knew him, had taken over the mayor’s office.” – Chapter 15

“Number one says Caine is the mayor of Perdido Beach and the whole area known as the FAYZ.” – Chapter 16

After Caine basically walks into Perdido Beach, tells everyone what to do, and gets away with it, he begins to be more outright with his intentions. He immediately takes over the mayor’s office, and makes his new title of mayor the very first rule to be enforced. He isn’t really all that secretive about his intentions, at least not after the initial meeting. I think this is a measure of his confidence – he doesn’t feel at all threatened by the people of Perdido Beach. I think one of the reasons that Caine is such a good villain, is that when he is in control, he isn’t that bad?? I mean sure, having Drake as sheriff is less than ideal, but Caine himself is not a bad leader. He comes up with rules that both make sense and do actively increase the quality of life of those in Perdido Beach (minus the no magic tricks rule). It’s only what Caine is willing to do in order to get that power that actually makes him the villain. Once he has it, he’s not really a threat?? And then of course, we get Caine’s fantastic little speech in chapter 42 that really just sums up all these ideas in much less words:

“What was I supposed to do? Coates? That’s it? How do you not see what an opportunity this is? We’re in a whole new world. I’m the most powerful person in that whole new world. No adults. No parents or teachers or cops. It’s perfect. Perfect for me. All I have to do is take care of Sam and a few others, and I’ll have complete control.”

Because if it wasn’t for his ego, if he hadn’t attacked Sam, if he hadn’t used Drake to cause fear and enmity, he would have had it. He would have gotten his complete control, because no-one else really wanted to be in charge. The fool is his own worst enemy.

5.) CAINE’S POWERS:

So, the last thing I wanted to discuss about Caine, is his powers. To me, it seemed whilst reading that his powers are almost an extension of his personality. Caine is naturally a very domineering person, and so it makes sense that his power is the ability to control things with his mind. The first time we see Caine’s powers (also the first time we see anyone purposefully use their powers) is in the church:

“Caine sighed, raised his hands, and used both palms to smooth back his hair. There came a rumble, up through the floor and pews. A small earthquake… […] But then came a rending sound, steel and wood twisting, and the crucifix separated from the wall. It ripped free of the bolts holding it in place, like an invisible giant had yanked it away. […] The crucifix toppled forwards. It fell like a chain sawed tree. As it fell, Caine dropped his hands to his sides. His face was grim, hard, and angry. The crucifix, at least a dozen feet tall, slammed with shocking force down onto the front-row pew. The impact was as loud and sudden as a car wreck.” – Chapter 14

I like how, similarly to the way he talks, the first time we see a display of his power, he is hiding it – his body language is suggesting one action whilst he is actually doing something else entirely. This again makes me feel like the powers are an extension of personalities (and I will give other examples of this is later posts). I also noticed that the use of his powers is almost always as a response to his anger, something that Sam also learns to do thanks to Astrid’s guidance. These two scenes are great examples of this:

“Caine’s smile was cold. He raised his hand, palm out. An invisible fist hit Sam in the face. He staggered back. He barely stopped himself from falling, but his head was reeling. Blood leaked from his nose.” – Chapter 21

“Caine reached back over his shoulder with one hand, not even looking back. He spread his fingers, bared his palms. The fallen portion of the wall came apart, brick by brick. One by one, as though each brick had sprouted wings, they lifted off and flew. The bricks hurtled past Caine’s head and through the open door as fast as machine-gun bullets.” – Chapter 31

Unlike Sam, who often uses his powers as a defence strategy, Caine always uses them as a method of attack. He attacks Orc’s gang, Drake, Sam and Andrew – not as a last resort, but as a warning. He likes to make a big display of his power in order to deter people from actually engaging in a fight. Although when it does come down to an actual fight, he tends to be a little less confrontational and a little bit more of a coward. I mean come one. Hiding behind Astrid was low. At least this is the case in book 1.

Next, is the development of his powers. Unlike Sam, we know that Caine did not discover his powers alone:

“Several of us developed strange powers, starting a few months ago,’ Caine said conversationally. ‘We were like a secret club. Frederico, Andrew, Dekka, Brianna, some others. We worked together to develop them. Encouraged each other. See, that’s the difference between Coates people and you townies. In boarding school it’s hard to keep secrets. But soon it became clear that my powers were of a whole different order. What I just did to you? No one else could do that.”

The Coates kids formed a sort of support group for each other, which is why they have such a good understanding of their powers, as opposed to Lana and the Perdido Beach kids, who either hid their powers or else didn’t discover them until the FAYZ began. One thing that I do find interesting about this, is that the Coates kids all seemed to develop their powers pretty late. Caine says that the powers started a few months ago, and yet Sam first used his 14 months before the FAYZ began. I think that goes to show how the Coates environment really gave Caine the ability to experiment with and foster his powers, which is why he has such control. He achieved in a few months what is took Sam over a year to do. (One thing that I think would have been nice to have is perhaps in a later book some flashbacks on the Coates kids working together to do this. But oh well)

Thank you so much again for reading, and please feel free to add your thoughts. Next up is Diana and I have a lot to say about her. :)

#the gone series #caine soren #Gone

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swiftiephobe · 5 years ago

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thoughts on edit discourse, aka “you all realise this is meant to be fun?”

okay so buckle up swifties because i have some THOUGHTS about the whole edit discourse, the idea of needing to support editors by reblogging their posts and where i think some of you are a bit... misguided in how you approach sharing content on tumblr.com. this is a long post (i have put it under a cut because it is that long) because i am incapable of saying things concisely and i cannot think of another way to get my points across without having them misrepresented. i know a lot of people might ignore this because it’s a long ass essay, and that is valid <3 i just wanna get these thoughts out there. i do appreciate anyone who chooses to read this and try and understand my point of view. i love editors and the content they create. i do not love the idea that people have to run their blogs and engage with content on this website in a very specific way in order to be acceptable to the community.

also this isn’t directed at any one person in particular. the attitudes i am talking about are pervasive in a large portion of the fandom, and i’ve seen them building for quite a while now. i’m happy to have a respectful discussion about many of the points i’ve made here, as i know a lot of you will disagree with them. the purpose of this post isn’t to “attack” people, it’s to provide a different perspective.

i wanna preface this by talking about when i first started posting edits. i don’t do it a lot now mostly because i’m busy and don’t often feel like it but back in 2017/2018 i really got into editing. i remember when i first taught myself how to make gifs in photoshop, and i made my first gifset, and i was so excited to post it because i was so proud of myself for having created something. so i posted it, and then i kept making and posting gifsets. most of them didn’t get many notes, and frankly a lot of them were not very good because i was still learning, but i still posted them because it was nice to have created something.

one day i posted a gifset and tagged it with some appropriate tags, including tagging some big source blogs. well, one of those big source blogs actually reblogged my gifset! and i was so excited by that. i even went and sent that blog an ask profusely thanking them for reblogging my edit. it’s a bit embarrassing to think about having done that now, but the point is i was so excited to have a blog that i considered “important” reblog my stuff, and of course that led to more notes on the gifset which made me happy. that gifset ended up getting about 150 notes, which still isn’t a lot but it made me happy at the time.

why am i telling this story, you might ask? because i want to put it out there that I GET IT. getting that reblog on that gifset made me, a baby editor, very very happy. ecstatic, even. the fact that i can still remember it now shows how much it meant to me. i was already proud of myself for having created something that i thought was good, but getting that extra bit of external validation to tell me that what i had created was actually good felt special. so i understand why editors want people to reblog their work. it makes us feel good to see that others are enjoying what we’ve made enough to want to share it with others.

so i kept making edits, some of them got a lot of notes while others really didn’t. i continued to learn new things about editing, i played around in photoshop and got excited every time i realised a new thing i could do with one of the tools. some of the edits i made were a lot of work, and i was very proud of them, and i still am very proud of them. a lot of those edits that hold a special place in my heart did not get many notes. one edit that i made (which was a url graphic for another person) took hours and a lot of hard work trying to figure out how to make my idea happen, and i think now it has less than ten notes.

sometimes i look back through my edit tag and i see edits like that one, that i loved making and thought turned out very well, but have relatively very few notes. and honestly? when i look at them, i don’t feel sad about the number of notes they have. sure, i think “well, it would’ve been nice if more people had seen this”, but for the most part i still feel damn proud of myself for having made it. i feel happy looking at them because they remind me of when i was making them and how much i enjoyed the process.

at the end of the day, editing isn’t something i do as a job, for the sake of meeting a quota or reaching a benchmark of external achievement. it’s a hobby, something i do because i enjoy the process of creating something. i post my edits here so that they can be hosted publicly on my blog, and yes while getting notes is very very nice, it’s not my primary motivation. this year i’ve mostly been making edits for albums that i have enjoyed, some of which have practically no audience on tumblr and so don’t get many notes. and that’s fine. i don’t make them for other people.

which i suppose brings me to a point that i feel like will upset some people, but... the way some of you talk about editing, sometimes it seems like you don’t even enjoy it? i know that’s ridiculous because you all do, and many of you are crazy talented, but when i read people posting about how getting less than 100 notes on an edit makes them want to give up and never post an edit ever again, i frankly have to wonder if you even enjoyed making the edit in the first place, and if not, why did you do it? it just seems like a lot of you have a warped idea that the end goal of making an edit is notes, when in my opinion it really should be for fun. we’re in the taylor swift tumblr fandom. this is meant to be fun, remember? it’s okay to be upset when something you thought was great doesn’t receive as enthusiastic a reception as you were hoping for, but it happens to everyone and it doesn’t mean you, or others, are doing something wrong. if you enjoyed creating something, and you are proud of it, that’s what really matters in the end.

something else i’ve noticed is the extreme policing of how people interact with edits, mostly the notion that you HAVE to reblog edits and anything else is offensive and unacceptable. and sorry, but no. everyone runs their blogs in a different way. some people use their likes as bookmarks for things they want to reblog or queue for later. some people have a specific aesthetic they want to keep for their blog so don’t reblog every single thing, but they still want to acknowledge that they saw your edit and liked it. people have a million reasons why they don’t want to reblog something, and since it is their blog and their space, all of them are valid.

when you post something to a public social media website, you have to accept that people are going to interact with it in the way that suits them most (this is of course excluding hate or stealing, those are not acceptable). if you are seeing a like on your edit and somehow extrapolating it into some “this isn’t good enough” statement, you are reading way too much into it. if people are liking your edit, it’s because they like your edit. is it nice when people reblog your stuff? yes. but people aren’t obligated to do so.

this also applies to the idea of keeping comments in the tags. i agree that commenting in the tags on edits is proper etiquette, and it’s something i always do. but the absolutely vitriol i have seen directed towards people who comment on their reblogs is not okay. i’ve seen people talk about blocking people who comment on their edits. it’s not nice. if you see someone say “i love this!” about your edit and your first thought isn’t “that’s so nice!” but instead “this person said this in the wrong place so i hate it”, please get your priorities straight.

i think most of the discussion surrounding edits starts off in a good place. it’s good to remind people that reblogging edits is the best way to support them, and that it will make people happy. i think that message has been made clear time and time again, but now it’s turning into something more aggressive. you all say that the fandom is “dying” because people don’t interact with edits (as a side note, edits aren’t the only valid form of content in the fandom. funny text posts, theories, discussions and ask games all contribute to the feeling of the fandom being alive just as much as edits do), but all that these rules you’re trying to implement do is scare people away. people will become more and more afraid to interact with anything, for fear of not interacting enough, not interacting in the right way, or not interacting with the right people. and that, ultimately, will do a lot more harm to the fandom than people liking your edits.

#some of y'all bout to be real mad at me but it must be said <3 #i am TERRIFIED of posting this omfg #please don't yell at me i am sensitive

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 years ago

Photo

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~

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1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!!

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!!

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???) But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now).

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future!

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously??

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol...

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess. I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol..

If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol.. T u T ;;

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!)

7. ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point.

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense?

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol?? And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two).

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc. I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.)

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas, but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it.

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc. ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions,

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol.

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** ***

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is )

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group.

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently -

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one!

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys...

#it bothers me still that I didn't take all the screenshots the same way and there's different colors of nu #mbers and etc. lol.... but some of those are from 4 months ago or more and I had already deleted the original ask #from my inbox so I can't go rescreencap it to match the others..#this is the issue inherent in taking so long to answer things that I just respond in large batches lol #replies #okay also I know it's been months but... one of you has to like this post or at least show you read/interacted with my #response somehow because I cannot spend like 4-5 hours typing stuff for others if nobody will read it ghghg #( i know i make it take longer by being rambly and etc. but.. still...)#I'm sorry they sat in my inbox a long time and etc. but... also..... my pwecious time and effort #i hope at least one of the people I'm responding to sees that i did indeed reply to them lol

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blackcatanna · 5 years ago

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First impressions of Hakuoki characters:

Hijikata: Sebastian from Black Butler realness. Is mean but in a reluctant way. Like a Mum who is in charge of discipline because her husband (Kondou) is incapable of laying down the law. I like him but I would like him more if the game wasn't sucking his dick so hard. He has good hair. Please don't kill me, Hijikata!

Okita: He is handsome (duh) but seems a bit too eager to kill his own men... Ugh, now he's making me thank him. His idea of humour is threatening to kill you. He's like an old cackling witch who was shunned by the world and is taking it out on anyone he has power over. I enjoy him but I find it hard to relate to someone who takes pleasure in tormenting the helpless. Big dom energy. Probably enjoyed tying you up a bit too much. I want to fight back but I have a feeling that there is no script for bratty Chizuru. :'(

Saito: The Chosen One. He is dangerous but also adorable. He saved mah life *swoons*. He is HELPFUL. He has beautiful impractical hair. He is CONCISE. He is POLITE. He just seems like a great person to have around... If he's on your side (R.I.P. Itou). Alas, we can never be wed, for he is already married to his sword... Or maybe it's Hijikata... Or Okita... Or tofu. He has a lot of commitments.

Harada: He has red hair. Me like red hair. I feel like all three of them are way too casual about my impending doom. Not getting friendly vibes here. However, it turns out that he's pretty great! A bit too chirpy for my liking, though. Because I'm a miserable bitch (goth), I guess. The baka trio are all more boisterous and outgoing than I would be comfortable being around but I like them on their own. Harada is my favourite, though. Definitely the Mum of the trio. I guess that makes him the cool aunty of the Shinsengumi? He has the best Kazama burns and I will always love him for that.

Heisuke: I wish that the others would stop treating him like a child. Maybe they would if he stopped taking their bait. He's the most openly friendly of the group and that means a lot when you're surrounded by new people (and are being held against your will). He looks like an angry wildcat. I like cats so that's fine, I guess.

Kazama: Ew. Can you tell that I don't like him? Fuck this wannabe nonce. Actually, no! Don't fuck him! That's what he wants! Just stab him real good. He cannot control his temper. I do not respect that. He is racist. He is too scared of rejection to court a girl and get consent. He is really handsome but he has the worst personality so I feel no attraction to him at all. Not even for a hate fuck. No. Go away.

Nagakura: Ah, the classic pervert! We love a slut! I kept forgetting who he was, though. Sorry. Clearly, he has hidden depths but I have yet to find out what those are. Is a little bit too violent. Needs to calm tf down. I don't really have much else to say about first impressions. At first, the baka trio were just loud, wacky background noise.

Sannan: Seems fine, I guess... Fairly reasonable. If he was such a sweet, fluffy bunny before his injury, why was everyone so scared of him? He has a pleasantly calm aura. However, he needs to work on his diplomacy. Demanding blood while brandishing a sword is extremely un-chill of him. I also enjoy wandering around eerily in the middle of the night so we have that in common. Definitely gives off sinister vibes.

Yamazaki: Ninja Nurse Mum! He is clever, selfless, dedicated and reliable! He deserves a better hairstyle XD Sorry Yamazaki! The rat tail is not a strong look but he probably has more important things to worry about like SAVING LIVES and coming up with new moves to shout out in combat. I am excited to do his route because he deserves all the happiness.

Iba: The most beautiful one. He's rich, good looking, friendly and has had a crush on you for years. He also rescues you from the Shinsengumi on numerous occasions to hang out and eat delicious desserts. He's very cute. Definitely too good to be true. Everyone has a dark side and it concerns me when someone locks theirs away so much. Or maybe he really is that 2D. Iba is so perfect that they had to give him the Demon Arm of Horniness because they didn't want to tarnish him with a human flaw. I would probably be obsessed with him if he was real but, as a character, I don't find him that interesting.

Sakamoto: I still have no idea who this man is. He creeps me out, though. I don't remember why, I just remember being creeped out when you first meet him. Maybe he should mind his own business.

Souma: Puppy? Who threw this poor guy to Harada and Nagakura? Wow, I finally have underlings. However, they are probably not here against their will. He looks scared so he must have some brains. I haven't played his route yet so I don't know much about him.

Nomura: Horny Puppy! This isn't really a first impression (except for in the sense that all of my impressions are initial because I haven't played much with him in yet) and is totally spoilery but there's a bit in Edo Blossoms where they're making fun of him for being terrible with women and how it'll take him ten years to figure them out. At the time, I thought, "Bit harsh, guys. He could very easily die tomorrow and then he'll never get any." AND THEN HE DID. Die, that is. Not get laid. R.I.P.

Kondou: Married to Hijikata. They have loads of terrible children. Fun Dad. Thinks that he's a cool Dad but there are no cool Dads. Everyone talks about how nice he is and how everyone loves him but it's hard to appreciate that when he's debating whether or not to feed you to Okita. Turns out, he is kind but very busy. Definitely a secret badass. Very secret. He gives off friendly bear vibes.

Inoue: Friendly Grandad who is way younger than he looks. Not datable so he is mostly in the background, just being kind, helpful and dependable. He is warm but calm and comforting to be around.

Shimada: Gruff undatable anime guy who is not a bishie and so his brave and heroic acts often go unnoticed.

Motoyama: Bless him for trying to be a wingman. Why is he so scared of the Shinsengumi? Scary poor people with swords? He is very good at his job. Needs to calm down with the winks and nudges.

Itou: This Bitch. He could be fabulous but he loses points for mocking the disabled. He's Regina George. Except he actually dies. Is very camp. Would be great to go shopping with him. Not necessarily gay but is the gay best friend you deserve, not the gay best friend you asked for. Is a bitch but also sometimes the only sane person in the room. He's not reading you, he's just being real with you because you're Shinsengumi Sisters.

Miki: Bitch by Association. "Darling." Doesn't seem totally evil, just trying to do his best by his brother. Relies on tough guy image. Doing his job but happens to be on team Bitch. Also, he is a handsome boi.

Takeda: Fabulous Cunt. Should be too beautiful to be such a disaster human and yet here we are. Starts off as a bit of a prick, ends up (spoilers) feasting on the flesh of innocents... Is that a glow up? He's a dirty cop. Nobody likes him X_X :'(

Shiranui: GUNS! SHOOTY SHOOTY! He has a lot of aggression and he channels it through his GUNS. He always looks somewhat maniacal. Needs to take a chill pill.

Amagiri: Infuriatingly calm enemy with infuriating facial hair. He seems pretty chill and not bloodthirsty so... Good? He punched Heisuke, though, so RAAAAAAAWR!!!!

Kodo: Worst Dad. Scalpels > kunai. Took a level in WTF while he was away (hopefully he wasn't always like that).

Kaoru: Why can't I dress like that? :'( Definitely evil.

Sen: Hey, don't tell me off for protecting you! Can we be best friends?! I'M SO STARVED OF FEMALE CONTACT!!! More of this queen, please. She is powerful, kind and she is honest! I wanted to run away with her while Saito and Heisuke were away :') But the game didn't let me :'(

Kimigiku: GOALS. Why can't I be disguised as a geisha (except for that one time) :'( GET THIS QUEEN A ROUTE. She is beauty she is grace. I wish that I looked more like a woman and less like a child. I want her to be my friend too. She can teach me her womanly arts!

Chizuru!: She's fine. Much less annoying than she could easily be. Too pure for this world. A fine example of woman (well, she looks like a child). Her disguise is useless. Pretends not to be thirsty but rushes past Itou to see shirtless men. HMMMMMMM.

#hakuouki #hakuoki #my terrible opinions #otome adventures #first impressions

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aniseandspearmint · 5 years ago

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OKAY (Long post is LONG because I am incapable of being concise, sorry. Why use ten words when a hundred will do?)

First off: I would like to thank each and every person that bought something on my Walmart or Amazon wish lists. It was of unimaginable help, especially the dogfood. The state randomly decided to cancel my EBT (again) for no discernible reason, so we had to spend money on food and would have had to dip into the money we had saved for a rental deposit without your help on those household essentials. So, T H A N K Y O U.

(Note: If you bought something off our Amazon list, please PM me. Most of it’s gotten here okay, but one thing never arrived, but I don’t know who purchased it and you gonna need to contact amazon on your end)

Full situation recap: As a lot of you know, I have been desperately searching for someplace to move for the last few months.

The property we live on right now is being sold, and the new owner doesn’t want our place, so it’s gonna be striped and used as a fire training stage.

There have been some false hopes. I was literally about to hand over a deposit on a place in June, even, when the property manager got a call from the big boss with an order to halt all rentals at that park (like, I am not even slightly exaggerating, I was about to initiate the bank transfer when the call came through).

So back to searching it was, which included many many fruitless calls, three attempted scams (hoo boy, was the last one a doozy too), and more tears and panic attacks than I care to admit (no, I’ll admit it. SO MANY).

BUT! I have prevailed! I HAVE A PLACE.

Went and put the deposit down this afternoon and a hundred towards the first months rent (threee houuuuur caaaaar driiiiive. Both ways. Ugh. A thousand thanks to my current landlady for driving me across the state.)

This place is,,,, Well, better than the place I was fixing to put money on before? Bigger anyway. It’s an actual house, not a trailer, and rent-to-own direct from the owner not a bank (banks all want upwards of a thousand down on RtO; WHY?!?!). Walls, roof, windows, and floor all intact. Owner seems the decent sort for an old white southern dude (I’ll have to keep ace-ness and such on the downlow, but I expected that. This IS Georgia.)

However, there are some issues.

The entire thing, barring the (tiny TINY shotgun) bathroom and (awkwardly designed) Kitchen, is floored in THE most gawd AWFUL 70s olive green shag carpeting I have seen in AGES.

I have pictures.

I will totally share once I find where the hell my fxxkin’ camera specific USB cord went (may have to see if I can borrow one from someone tbh).

Also, the walls? Not only are they a funny pinky-grey tan, they are popcorned/cottage cheesed, not just the ceiling. It is one of the most yuckbadno combinations my autistic ass has encountered recently.

The owner also did a weird thing in the living room and boarded up and spackled over large windows on each side and replaced them with a single window in the front, which, okaaaay, but the spackle job is,,,, not the smoothest. like. At All.

I don’t want to be too down on the owner, bc he is Old, and clearly not the finest handyman, but it is Bad. (I also have clear pics of this and will share).

The walls are handleable for the most part. I have a line on some paint, hopefully, and spackle is cheap. That can be handled after we move in, even if the color/texture makes me want to hurl.

The main problem is the carpet.

Mom’s (mostly) in a wheelchair. And anyone who’s tried pushing themselves around on shag carpeting in a wheelchair knows, you get nowhere at a snails pace.

That stuff needs to go, ASAP.

So, I’m looking into flooring options to add to my Walmart Registry and my Amazon Wishlist. Mom’s adamant it HAS to be the solid sheet kind, not tile, so that limits what we can do. I’ll add some in the next few days once I figure out which ones are cheaply priced but not too cheaply made, and mostly lighter colors since the place really needs lightening tbh. I did toss a kind of flexible plastic runner on the lists, which will help if we can’t get flooring right away. She’d be able to move from room to room on those, I think. If anyone could possibly help out with some of the other items so we can save to buy the vinyl or pvc sheeting ourselves, I would be so grateful (dog food is always welcome).

Note: I’ve added some frivolous things to the Amazon list. Mom is currently very very disappointed that this is the best we could find and afford, and is tipping into a lovely depressive episode now, I think. The fact that it’s all fixable things is falling on deaf ears right now, all she can see is that it’s not what she’d hoped. She’s also still quite upset at the death of one of our dogs earlier this month. She usually bought herself a DVD or two a month, but we’ve been frantically trying to save money the past year, so it’s been a long time since she’s been able to. So I went and looked over her Amazon Wishlists and tossed a bunch of things she’s had on them for a long time. If anyone would be willing to grab her a favorite movie, or a book, or a hair clip, to raise her spirits a little, I’d be very grateful. (Her birthday is also in August, and at this rate, there really isn’t going to be anything left for us to have any kind of ‘Happy 69th Birthday’ celebration)

WALMART LIST

AMAZON LIST

#me #my life #being poor in america #good news mostly #help out if you can #long post is long #i ramble

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mentalcrash · 5 years ago

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ƦɘʟȺŧȉơƝʂɦɨꝤꞩ

I am terrible at relationships. From the very idea of being in one to the actual case where it transpires I've ended up in one, I don't know how to handle it properly. I am not a good adult in this respect.

I've had serious relationships, not-so-serious ones, and even an engagement. I've had relationships which were just cuddling, just sex, and ones where it was all about dom/sub play with no actual physical presence needed.

And yet, I don't know how to deal with them. I panic, I get distracted, I get anxious, I just cannot mentally deal with them. Without meaning to, I will place distance between myself and my partner; I will become concerned that I need to do better - keep being better than last time; I'll become unable to deal with having another physical presence around...

I apologise to everyone who has sought a relationship of some degree with me over the last decade, whether that is one of friendship or something more. I almost certainly will not keep in touch without sustained effort, and I will run away from interactions if I don't know how to handle them.

I make no effort to attract people, to forge relationships with them beyond becoming friends with them. And yet, it seems to be this very thing that makes me more attractive because people can just be comfortable around me (which is itself a desirable goal).

It has been nearly eleven years since the first time I properly (and willingly) had a sexual encounter, and the difference between then and now is that I have somewhat matured and recognise some of the traits that define me. I no longer seek sex because it is what people expect of me. Sex is something that can bring me closer to someone I am already close to. It is not a goal, it is a means. I rarely want to have sex with someone I don't have an emotional connection with (demisexual) and often find that sex just doesn't do much for me (grey-ace/ace). It is not unusual for me to be thinking of other things entirely during sex, analysing and worrying instead of simply enjoying it - and that's because I just don't get much out of the actual act itself. The reactions of my partner mean more to me than anything the act itself brings. I have no need for sex in my life and going years without has presented me with no hardships now I'm no longer a teenager who thinks sex is the main goal in life.

All in all, this is just me rambling about how I'm shit at relationships and why I don't necessarily bond over the same things that others do. I also have no idea why I seem to attract people with high sex drives when I barely have one.

Please don't take it personally if I seem uninterested, or rebuff you, or just kind of drift away from the mentions of it... I'm just shit at handling these things and I don't know what to do with interest once I have it.

It’s been a while since I made a post on here, and they’re usually just stream of consciousness things until I run out of things to say without editing or cleaning them up. This one has come about because I got asked to try and put things into words and I’ve spent a month trying to do just that and failing. It’s not an easy topic to cover and I don’t know if I’ve even covered half of it. I’m just shit at this stuff and I don’t know what to do with it and I probably owe a number of people apologies because I’m just plain shit at this stuff and I mess up and I abuse and break and abandon things because it’s easier to break or abandon them than it is to try and deal with it like a responsible fucking adult.

If you’re one of the people who has been involved with me in some fashion, then I’m sorry - in general, and for being shit at this stuff. I’m probably not going to try and fix things, I’m probably not going to get any better, and I’m probably not going to have any better of a handle on this stuff and my own head and how it works in regard to this stuff next year than I did three years ago.

I don’t/can’t do commitment. I don’t want/can’t handle stable relationships. Polygamy in passing is about the best I can do and even then I can’t make a single promise. I’m quite happy as things are, I don’t want to be “fixed” or have someone commit to me when I cannot commit back.

So take this as your apology and your warning about my lack of capacity to handle or deal with relationships, the way my brain will frazz out at the slightest implication that I’m expected to be in one, and my general incapability at communicating any of this in concise words.

Probably best to consider me an aromantic demi-ace genderqueer...

#relationship #depression #ace #demi #grey ace #aro #aroace

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karenhikari · 6 years ago

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The Ones Who Wander-11. The Hawk and the Hare

Hello, folks! I know, I know, I am the absolute worse at updating, I know. There's no point in apologizing, but if you do want to know, the reason it has taken so long is that I am currently undergoing a college admission process, so... everything is a mess and I am attending courses and doing projects at school and adulting sucks. But just that. To be entirely honest, I only received this chapter back from my beautiful beta yesterday, after having sent it to her a couple of months ago. Geminalupus wanted me to tell you that she is extremely sorry that it took so long to update but, to be honest, it wasn't her fault. It took me forever to write this down, it is only fair that it took her a few months to finish reading it through.

Now, the reason I just couldn't seem to get this chapter written is that, for the first time (spoiler alert) you get to read from the perspective of one of the heroes rather than from the kids. And let me tell you, this hero in particular had a lot to say about the politics and inner workings of Auradon. And... I hate politics, so... it was a bit troublesome. Things starting flowing better once she had given her opinion on the Head King of Auradon.

Either, this chapter is very, very special to me and I had waited a long time to write it. Remember, nearly a year ago, when I published Ginny's chapter? Well, I actually considered writing this chapter first and ignoring the structure I had already planned, simply because this one is more special to me. However, I like order, so I continued with the plan.

Anyways, i have kept this chapter from you long enough. Now... enjoy!

The Hawk and the Hare

There were many ways a woman such as Elsa Danica of Arrendelle and Vistborg could spend her day. Waiting in an overcrowded wharf was certainly not an option she would have thought of, much less chosen. However, that prospective became an even less satisfying alternative when the sole purpose of her journey was to pick up the child —or children, as that important information had been withheld from her— of the man who had tried to take over her kingdom and murder her younger sister.

To her, at least, this was glaringly a bad idea. That was it—put simply, retrieving the descendants of their worst enemies was the most questionable decision the current Head King of Auradon had made. It made absolutely no sense and, worst of all, it was dangerous.

In fact, Elsa did not approve of a number of things the previous Head King, Adam, had done either. To begin, the Isle of the Lost as a whole. She knew their adversaries could not be mended or rehabilitated. To expect something like that was incongruous, and, dare she say it, idiotic. Therefore, she could see why the Islanders should not be trusted to live within their society. She was not defending their right to freedom.

The thing was, neither could she understand why Adam and Belle had determined that a giant island be brought from the sea. She could not understand why Adam and Belle had decided that their aggressors, who had already been executed and exterminated, should be brought back to life. It was taking an unnecessary risk.

Hans Westergaard of the Southern Isles, the thirteenth son of late King Fridtjof had never been dead. Even after Elsa had frozen and thawed the fjords of Arrendelle, Hans had only left Arrendelle with a black eye, which was Anna's courtesy, not even Elsa's. For three years, before the Crown Kings of Auradon had developed the idea of the Isle of the Lost, Hans had been kept in a dungeon under Rolskrod Palace, what could have been his castle if he had not been so eager to take over someone else's throne. Not even shackled like Elsa had been in her own kingdom, not even sent to jail to be surrounded by common thieves in a congested cell. No, privileged even as a prisoner, Hans Westergaard of the Southern Isles had only been kept in an oubliette for three years and two months, not that Elsa had been counting.

Then, Elsa was still struggling to comprehend exactly how, Adam and Belle had announced their new plan. The creation of a considerable extension of land, brought from the bottom of the sea to its surface through magic. At the time, the magic prohibition hadn't been as strong as it was now. In fact, the hearsay and rumors of Fayanna's idea to regulate and possibly eliminate the usage of magic in everyday life had barely begun, a rotten apple in a fruit bowl that would blemish everything that came in contact with it.

Somehow, the ludicrous idea had been approved by the council. Fayanna, the most trusted advisor of the Head Kings, was named the coordinator of the project a few weeks after the announcement. They wasted no time in beginning the arrangements to transform their absurd plan something tangible. Immediately, they began recovering the remains of the deceased villains, drawing maps to decide where to put what they started to call 'the Isle' with something that already sounded like dread. They summoned villains such as Anastasia Tremaine and Hans Westergaard himself, the ones who had been leading a relatively normal life and the ones who had been kept isolated in jail, to inform them of the plans to relocate them.

Elsa knew she would not get a chance to punish Hans the way she wanted to, she knew there were laws and political logistics that stopped her from being able to unleash her wrath on the runt of the Southern Isles dynasty. And, in the same matter-of-fact, concise, precise way, she knew someone like him, so unsympathetic and indifferent would be incapable of changing. Elsa was convinced that all of them, who had already attempted to murder and sabotage everything others held dear would not change and, therefore, they should be kept away.

Elsa absolutely comprehended the need for a prison that kept the villains away from the good, hard-working part of the population. It made sense and it was in such a way that society had operated for centuries. You had to trim the weak branches of a rose bush for the plant to stay healthy and bloom. She could understand that.

What was beyond her discernment was the fact that Belle and Adam had decided to put all of those villains together, in the same place, which would either allow them to annihilate each other or to create alliances that made them more perilous than they had been the first time they had attacked. For years, each nation had kept their own villains imprisoned, they had each been responsible for punishing the offenders that they produced and preventing the story to repeat itself. However, now that more kingdoms were joining the United States of Auradon, the Head Kings claimed it would be better to create a new confinement to hold them all. It lacked every possible ounce of reason and coherence there was, if you asked the Queen of Arrendelle, and she had been quick to voice her opinions.

To be entirely honest, Elsa had never concurred with the ideology that Fayanna had drilled into Adam. The king was slightly older than Elsa, that was true, but he had also spent much of his youth deprived of human contact and mistreating his serfdom. The Queen of Arrendelle was in no position to judge what he had done while transformed into a beast. She knew that she had, too, committed despicable actions while she was too concentrated on keeping her powers a secret to wholeheartedly care about her people like she should have. However, that did not give Adam the right to have such a strong say in what other rulers did as he seemed to think he had.

Nevertheless, it wasn't long before smaller provinces like Prydain and Maldonia decided to accept the tempting offer of joining Adam's more powerful kingdom. According to Adam, he had the dream of a united kingdom, ruled by a head king that would make sure that all the other smaller sovereigns followed certain regulations. United they would be stronger, he claimed. United they would preserve peace and worship loyalty.

In theory, it sounded fair and good and tempting. By becoming one single humongous kingdom, they would share resources, eliminate the competition and considerably reduce the number of possible future wars. They would have laws and a higher power in charge of preventing disagreements from escalating to military combats. In theory, it sounded adequate, unobjectionably safer.

What Elsa was not keen on, however, was the idea of an almighty power who would be on her back, reading her reports and monitoring her. Adam had suggested an aristocratic democracy then. Yes, royal families still had significant privileges when compared to their subjects, but it was only because a prince or a duke had been trained to care for their people from a tender age. The bearer of such great power should also possess enough knowledge and responsibility to know how to properly use it, and members of the nobility were expected to know how to fulfill that role.

Adam had then gone on to be democratically elected as the first Head King of the United States of Auradon. He had sold the idea of an egalitarian, peaceable kingdom to small provinces that were in a competitive disadvantage. And they had hungrily bought it. Nonetheless, it had only been a matter of time before bigger and more recognizable kingdoms began to sign treaties and agreements, until most of the European kingdoms joined Adam in the search of his 'dream'.

Elsa signed the treaty for Arrendelle to become part of Auradon barely six months after Corona, her cousin's kingdom. It would only take Adam a year and a half more to get the Chinese empress, Ching Shih, to sign as well. With that, the United States of Auradon as they knew it was finally formed.

Some small provinces were still independent. Motunui, for example had blatantly refused to join Auradon, and mostly kept for themselves. Neverland, too, was not considered a part of the kingdom, although they were much more open to commerce and tourism than Motunui. Wonderland was out of the table as well, and though the inhabitants made an exception about their 'no visit' policy for Alice and her family, even she rarely visited.

It was shortly after the merging of their country that Adam began making decisions that seemed... nonsensical, to say the least. There were two proposals that Elsa had both loathed and feared from the first time she had heard the words leave Adam's mouth. One was the creation of Isle of the Lost. The other was the prohibition of magic.

Despite the fact that not every sovereign the United States of Auradon had approved of either of those propositions, the majority of them had. Therefore, Adam and Fayanna's little experiment carried on. After an odd —and, she said it with fear of being accused of treason, an obscure— agreement with Hades, the deceased villains were brought back to life and confined to an island. The Isle of the Lost, they called it now, with pride, with dread, with arrogance. The Isle of the Lost, a living reminder that their enemies still lived, waiting to retaliate against them.

The ones who had never been dead to start with were sent to join them soon after. To close with a flourish —and, supposedly, to prevent any outbreaks—, it had been decreed that a barrier be put around the island. Nothing could get in and, they swore, nothing could come out.

Fayanna recruited a vast number of adjutants, as her proposition was incredibly dangerous and impossible to do for a single person. Merlin, Tinker Bell, the Genie, even Zeus, the almighty King of Olympus, had assisted in the creation and maintenance of the barrier. Elsa's magical powers did not suit the undertaking, and therefore she had not been contacted or asked to participate. She wanted to believe that she would have refused to participate in the creation of the barrier even if she could have been able to help them.

Regardless of how, or who had supported such ludicrous idea, the Isle of the Lost had come to exist. Soon, both the formerly deceased villains and the perfectly alive ones were living in their new imprisonment. In a way, it helped Auradonians ―a gentilic Elsa was still trying to get used to―, in the laborious and often arduous task of forgetting. They didn't mention the island that was so close to Auradon's capital city that it could literally be seen from Auradon Castle's windows. They never mentioned the names of the sorcerers and witches that had once terrorized their people, not when the inscrutable veil of night covered their lips, not when the golden rays of sunshine bathed the marble of their castles. They pretended not to remember why Cinderella did not fit in during royal parties, why Aurora referred to three fairies as her 'aunts', why, out of the thirteen princes Fridtjof had fathered, only ten had still lived in the Southern Isles when the United States of Auradon became a glorious nation. They pretended and, even after all those years, their performance was dreary and extremely apathetic.

Likewise, Elsa had long ago learned the dialogues of the character she had been assigned to play. She smiled and she curtsied, she read letters and she signed commerce treaties with a languid hand, going through monotonous days in a haze. She kissed her sister's cheek and she threw her arms around her nieces and nephew with remorse, knowing that there were words that she held concealed under her tongue, adamant in her refusal to pronounce them.

It had been probably thirteen years since the last time anyone in her family had dared mention the disappearance of her cousin, Rapunzel of Corona. They met regularly, they celebrated their birthdays and they sent letters back and forth during the whole year. They always made it a point to spend both Christmas and New Year's Eve together, be it at Corona or at Arrendelle. Yet, they failed to talk about the eighteen years worth of memories and laughter that they had lost.

Elsa knew it made it easier, because Anna and she didn't talk about the years they had spent barely speaking to each other, about the searing pain that still burnt in their chests, too tangible and too recent. Anna, in her kindness and unconditional love for her never brought back how cruel she had been to her, she never mentioned a single one of the thousands of days she had spent, numbly knocking on the wooden door of an unhearing sister. They had learned —they had been forced to learn— to live in the moment and to embrace what they had because they could just as easily lose it, because they hadn't had it before and they wanted to make the most of it now that they did.

Thereby, Elsa could not blame them for tucking every agonizing reminder of their past lives under Persian rugs. If the memories of what had happened to other heroes aggrieved them as much as it still made her insides turn, if guilt and ache still blazed their eyes whenever they could not force themselves to forget, then she could understand their reasons. She had come so close to losing Anna, so close to feeling the remaining pieces of her family slip between her fingers… it only made sense that the other heroes yearned for this numbing relief.

For all that they didn't talk about it, the insistent, constant query of what would have happened if Hans' murderous plan had succeeded was a shadow that accompanied Elsa's steps both in the death of night and in the warmth of the morning. It wondered aloud, unrelenting, unstoppable, what would have happened if Anna had actually died, what if Hans' sword had impeccably severed the Queen of Arrendelle's neck, what if Hans had sat at the throne of a kingdom that was not his to claim. The thought never failed to make a striking pang of guilt and ache pierce her chest.

If anything, waking up every morning to the love of her people and to the sight of her family at the breakfast table only made the burning remorse blaze higher. It made her wonder what would have happened if she had failed to protect all of it, if her own fear had been greater than her resolution. It forced her to ask herself what would have been of Anna's unrestricted laughter, of the way Kristoff played "the Ballad of Flemmingrad" during Christmas Eve, his wonderful, sincere eyes locked with his wife's.

And every time, every single time that that thought, unwelcomed, shattering and irrepressible assaulted her, the Queen of Arrendelle found herself unable to move, unable to breathe. Elsa could understand the need to forget. She felt that pulsing desire often. She, too, wished she could take a long, exhausting walk in the woods, dig a hole under a centenary Betula alba and extract the incessant questions that plagued her mind to bury them, never to be heard of again.

Forgetting was the feeling of a warm, knit quilt for the traveler that had been surprised by a snowstorm on the road. Forgetting was the simple joy of meeting with an old friend you hadn't seen in a terribly long while and having the chance to talk to them carefree for hours that elongated indefinitely. Elsa knew that.

However, she knew that, in the same way that pouring her pain-stricken memories into a hypothetical grave was impossible and hoping to do so was fruitless, dumping all of their villains into a magical, faraway island, would not heal the wounds that were still open and festering within their silk robes. She had learned, the hard way, ones would call it, that not speaking about the shadows that haunted the high towers of their castles would only bring desolation. There was no way, no way that putting all the demons and the ghosts of a kingdom as big as Auradon in the same place could be a good idea.

Adam and Fayanna clearly did not share her belief. Neither did most of the inhabitants of Auradon. The Isle of the Lost gave them a solution, the answer to never once feeling your pulse raise in fear again. They would trim the weak branches of their perfect rose bush, they would focus on teaching the new generation about the mistakes that they should not repeat. How they would do that without mentioning the hard-learned lessons that Elsa's generation had endured, she had no idea, but they would find an answer along the way. They built new schools, they wrote books about the real-life love stories of their sovereigns, they widened the commerce among their provinces, they tightened the bonds that united their people.

They promised, time and time again, that this would be a bright, new beginning. The renaissance, they said, of a strong, fearless kingdom.

—*—*—

Regrettably, forgetting was not an easy deed to achieve. Especially not if the source of your agonizing memories was a living, breathing individual. Such a thing became glaringly obvious once the villains that had been casted aside, supposedly never to be thought of again, began to sire children, much in the same way that the inhabitants of Auradon did.

Life could not be tossed under a rug, no matter how much will power you put in trying to turn a blind eye to that fact. Life found a way to push, to crawl back from the depths of the blazing inferno you built to annihilate it. A way to be remembered. That was what happened at the Isle of the Lost.

As soon as the word that there were babies being born in the island spread, the extinct embers of the uncertainty some people had felt towards the project fired up all again. Esmeralda de Châteaupers, who had never agreed with the scheme to send the villains to a completely different land, began advocating even more relentlessly to make her voice heard. To an extent, Elsa supposed she had succeeded. Everyone in Auradon had heard of Esmeralda. She was the face of the victims of Claude Frollo, the representative of the gypsy community in France. She became part of the Council of Sidekicks. Even more, she was the official spokesperson of the council. Parallel to that, by marrying Captain Phoebus de Châteaupers she had managed to refine her social status, which had allowed her to voice her opinions even more loudly.

Elsa knew a good number of members of the royalty who found Esmeralda unbearable, insufferable. After all, kings and queens whose bloodlines went back centuries in the past refused to let other kings order them around. It was only natural that they became fuming when it was someone with a social status so low as a gypsy's the one who dared suggest they were doing something wrong. And that proved Esmeralda's point bright and clear—none of them were focusing their energies on solving the scarcities of Auradon, the shadows of inequality that still roamed around the corners of the castles and the tents of gypsies' camps, because they were too busy criticizing Esmeralda's attire and lack of prestige.

Some called Esmeralda an activist, a gentle woman with the heart of a warrior. Elsa didn't eulogize her as much. She didn't dare despise Esmeralda due to her poor upbringing, although she was not about to admire or support her causes either. Simply, Elsa thought that she was a strong woman who felt no trace of fear for what the others thought of her, and for that, gypsy or not, she deserved recognition.

To the long list of problematics she withstood on a daily basis, Esmeralda augmented the injustice of leaving the children of the Isle of the Lost in a prison. She claimed it was inexcusable, unethical, unjustifiable. She claimed that it would backfire, that the time would come when they were children no more, but creatures who festered on the fear and decay that seemed to constitute the main columns of their rotten society. She said, over and over again during the council meetings, that making children pay for the mistakes of their parents was as low as someone could get, that it spoke great lengths that their 'strong, fearless kingdom' had to be upheld in the aching shoulders of children.

Cinderella and a number of other royal personalities agreed with her. Still, Adam and Fayanna turned a deaf ear to their pleas and refused to move a finger to fix the situation. After two or three years, Esmeralda received the help of Corona, and they were granted Auradon's permission to send supplies to the Isle. They were hand-me-down clothes and nearly-spoiled food, but it was better than nothing.

Truthfully, Elsa considered Esmeralda's words to be an exaggeration. Esmeralda was too passionate, too quick to grant her unwavering support to a cause she did not fully comprehend. And, to be entirely honest, Elsa was a firm believer that there was no reason for her to be concerned with the conditions of the Isle of the Lost, when she had never even agreed with the creation of such thing. There was no reason for her to divert the resources of her people to try to fix the situation of the ones who had tried to destroy her kingdom and her family.

Eugene, who had concurred with Esmeralda as soon she said that no child should be allowed to grow in fear and indifference, had been assigned to get the supplies to the Isle. Every once in a while, Eugene and Rapunzel convinced Anna to donate a ship worth of food or of clothes, and Elsa allowed it. Nonetheless, the queen of Arrendelle had refused to listen to Esmeralda during the meetings, she had adamantly rejected each of the gypsy's attempt to make her consider the injustice that the Isle of the Lost represented on itself.

That was how things had been for the last seventeen years. Now, when Adam finally decided to step down from the throne, it turned out that his own son would be the one to 'democratically' succeed him. The Queen of Arrendelle was well-acquainted with young Benjamin. She had practically watched him grow, as both of them belonged to the royal families of Auradon. She knew the boy had a kind heart, and she was certain that everything he'd done until then was only fueled by good intentions and a utopic imagination. However, he was simply too inexperienced to handle the pressure of becoming the Head King of a territory as big and tumultuous as the United States of Auradon.

It seemed that Benjamin also questioned the decisions Adam had made during his reign, howbeit he did so for a different reason than the one the Queen of Arrendelle had to oppose the former king. Benjamin, who had only ever seen the good in the world, was incapable of comprehending how dangerous allowing the children of the villains into their domains was. He was part of Auradon's next generation, the one who had read the real-life love stories of their provinces' sovereigns in school textbooks, the one who had never feared the second the sun went down and ghosts roamed their palaces freely, the one that had only ever worn silk dresses and walked on marble castles.

Youth had blessed him with naiveness, and naiveness had cursed him with ingenuousness. Elsa knew with icy certainty that it was only a matter of time before the young prince's reverie caught fire in the flames of the villains' spite and turned into a nightmarish sight.

However, youth had also made Benjamin passionate, determined in a way that Elsa had to admire. If not for nothing else, she did so with sageness. That was the boy who would soon rule over them, they needed to redirect the fierce resolve of which he spoke about the children of the Isle of the Lost. Nonetheless, if he maintained it as the Head King of Auradon, he would be vehement and uncontainable. Notwithstanding the fact that Elsa praised a sovereign with such characteristic, she was far from blind. There would be no time for Benjamin to become a well-loved, wise monarch if his kingdom burnt to the ground mere days after his coronation. Still, the boy was set on his verdict, and there was no power on earth that could stop him from making his first decree as king a resolution to free the children of the Isle.

That time, for once, Elsa had wholeheartedly concurred with Adam. The Isle of the Lost had not been a good plan, not even at the beginning, but now that they had it, it was better to simply continue as they had until then. If anything, they could send more than leftovers, perhaps repair their old, crumbling bazaar and clean the rubbish obstructing the streets, but that was as far as Elsa was willing to go for the Islanders.

Benjamin, however, had not been dissuaded. He had refused to listen the life-hardened words of his advisors, he had ignored the, admittedly, more experienced opinions of older sovereigns, he had declined even the guidance of his parents. His outrageous project had been put into operation without losing a second of precious time. In mere months, the first four children of the Isle of the Lost were brought to live among them, in Auradon. And of course, being the idealistic boy he was, Benjamin had decided that the children of that most dangerous villains be the first ones to be relocated.

Contrary to what Elsa had feared, the first stage of his decree had not been a complete failure. In fact, the first scandal the Isle children had been involved with was when Mal, the only known daughter of Maleficent, began to fool around the no-magic rule. She was testing the limits, of that Elsa was certain. The queen had to admit it, she was amused, and she could hardly look down at Mal with scorn or qualm, for she firmly discouraged that prohibition herself. In fact, she considered the no-magic rule more a suggestion than an actual commandment.

It was simply ridiculous, to say the least. The fact that Fayanna, a magical being herself, a fairy who felt magic thump on her jugular and tickle the tips of her fingers, could even fathom over the idea that revoking their right to use the magic that was naturally, rightfully theirs was risible, absurd. Even worse, it was alarming and threatening.

The official reason for this new rule was 'to teach the new generation of Auradonians that magic was not a panacea, but a tool that had to be used scarcely. It was only their wit and creativity that would accompany them, their ability to do good that would forge the road for them to follow.' In summary, it was now seen as unfair that children born with the power to wield magic received the same education as children who were incapable of doing it. And, to promote equality, it had been decided that they should take away the 'advantage' of magic-natural children. Elsa huffed. Clearly, forbidding magical children to use their powers was fair. Clearly, they should take away their birth-right instead of offering non-magical children the possibility to learn magic in order for them to become sorcerers and witches.

Elsa had spent enough time denying the magic that coursed through her veins to simply accept Fayanna's outrageous rule. It had taken enough of her and her people to learn to live with her magic and accept the fact that her powers would not go away because they were part of her. If Fayanna thought she could simply come and order them to stop the use of their powers merely because she was the most beloved advisor of the Head King, she was dead-wrong.

Thereby, when the daughter of Maleficent began using her magic at Auradon Prep, Elsa was not counted in the number of people who felt their distrust towards the Isle children grow. If anything, she was amused. God knew how a girl who had been raised without the vaguest knowledge of magic had learnt how to wield it so rapidly. That, at least, was an admirable skill, and the Queen of Arrendelle had always praised when praise was due. Howbeit, whatever empathy-induced closeness she could feel for the daughter of Maleficent was not nearly enough to make her forget the Isle that girl had grown up in.

Surprisingly, it was not the children of the Isle of the Lost who had broken havoc during Benjamin's coronation. Jane, the very daughter of Fayanna, was the one who snatched one of the most powerful magical items from the hand of her own mother. Even more exceptional was it that the Isle children were the ones to stop Maleficent from utterly tearing apart Auradon Cathedral.

Perhaps, Elsa had caught herself thinking, Rapunzel was inerrant. Maybe Benjamin, with his naive cerulean eyes and the innocence of his youth, could see something that she had grown too hawkish to notice anymore. For a moment, she even allowed her mind to wrap around the conception that, perchance, Benjamin's decree was not as preposterous as it sounded.

Said resolution lasted less than three months, for it was after that time that Benjamin insisted that only the first stage of his decree had been carried out. It was time for the rest of the Isle children to be brought to Auradon, he insisted. That prospect was not appealing to the Queen of Arrendelle in the least.

They agreed on the need to send someone to the Isle of the Lost. To Elsa, it seemed they were testing the ground, making sure that the thin layer of ice that the recent snowstorm had formed on the surface of the lake was sturdy enough to step on it with their full weight. Without further ado, they designated the very daughter of Maleficent as the Ambassador of the United States of Auradon in the Isle of the Lost.

Rumors spread, vehement like wildfires, of the possibility of new children arriving from the Isle at the beginning of the next school year. Some of the Auradonians Elsa had spoken to had even began making theories about whose children would me the next to be brought to Auradon. Rapunzel, for example, had received notice that Gothel had sired a daughter, and she awaited the moment she would be able to meet the young girl with both dread and impatience

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Benjamin gave a press conference urging the hero families to 'Open their hearts and homes to the winds of change by enrolling themselves as tutors for one of the children of the Isle'. At the moment, Elsa had snickered. It was an outrageous proposition. To think, even for a second, that they would risk their families and kingdoms to welcome the offspring of their worst enemies was simply ridiculous. To ask from them that they put every ounce of normality and security it had taken decades to reconstruct on the line to receive the spawns of the ones who had tried to destroy their kingdoms was... unimaginable. Contumelious.

Notwithstanding, for a reason that the queen could not seem explain, it appeared that she was the only one seeing things that way. People like Esmeralda and Phoebus, who had been waiting for a sign that someone from the royalty had heard their appeal for years, immediately offered themselves to tutor even more than one child, if it were necessary. Rapunzel and Cinderella, along with their respective partners, were quick to follow their leads.

Soon, Benjamin's overture was not the only thing that had surprised the Queen of Arrendelle. In a matter of weeks, more Auradonian families than she would have thought agreed with such a ridiculous proposition were signing up to become the legal guardians of the Isle children. Even then, Elsa had clung on to hope that she would be able to escape this altruistic nonsense and keep her kingdom and family as far as possible from the Isle of the Lost and its inhabitants.

Said feeble faith came to an abrupt end one bright morning of spring, when Anna entered her office without even knocking, decision written on her features. She said she was putting her foot down, that they could not sit back while heroes of all the other kingdoms and provinces contributed to such an important change. She made it a point to insist that it had taken Auradon long enough to recognize the mistake the Isle of the Lost was, Arrendelle could not stay behind and be indifferent about this project.

When all of that failed to dissuade her sister, Anna added in an undertone, almost as if she were telling a secret, that Eugene had informed her that Hans had managed to have a son. Out of pure rage, Elsa had laughed. If Hans had a son, then that kid also had ten direct uncles who could look after him and receive him in the Southern Isles. The fact that Hans had spawned one, or two, or even ten children meant nothing to Elsa.

They had argued that morning, because they had both inherited their mother's stubbornness. When Anna's attempts to convince Elsa of pitying the children of the Isle failed, the princess' features became stern, distant and frigid in the same way marble statues were adamant and cutting. With precise words, she had reminded the queen of Arrendelle of the terrified, young girl that had been forced to remain incarcerated inside her room as the prisoner of a power she could not control. A prisoner, she said, as captive were the children of the Isle, expiating a crime they had not committed.

Anna knew her too well, Elsa was aware of it. It was usually of no concern to her, given the fact that she trusted her younger sister completely. She relied on Anna in the same way she knew a new morning would come after the sundown. To doubt Anna's loyalty was unthinkable.

On the other hand, there was no denying that Anna knew very well how to strike a low-blow when she felt the occasion called for it. Not whispering anymore, she dropped the one question that had haunted the queen of Arrendelle since she could remember—What are you so afraid of?

The vehemence of her words made Elsa step back and gasp for breath. Her hands shook when she answered that she feared not. It was a white lie, the tone of the virgin snow that crowned the mountains of their fjords, but it was the only answer Elsa could ever imagine herself giving. Admitting fear, even for a moment, was doubting her own ability to stop any damage from unfolding and harming her family. It was a weakness she could not allow herself to have.

Regrettably, Anna knew Elsa well-enough to not need the queen to voice the real reason behind her adamant negative. As soon as she noticed the profound impact her words had had on her sister, Anna's features softened. 'There is nothing to be afraid of', she had said. Elsa agreed, there was not—as long as they didn't take any unnecessary, reckless risks.

The only problem was that 'reckless' seemed to be Anna's middle name. Taking her sister's hands in hers, Anna had smiled at the queen of Arrendelle. She'd reiterated that it was not just to let children pay for mistakes they had not made. She decided to pressure Elsa further by asking her to not think of the children of the Isle as the offspring of their enemies, but as if they were only children, like any other in Auradon. Of course, Anna went a step further by mentioning her own son, Karl, and asking Elsa to imagine her little boy living under the conditions the children of the Isle were forced to survive in. Those had been her words. Not live, but survive in.

And, like Anna knew she would, Elsa had yielded. Her resolution had crumbled when faced with Anna's fiery resolve. The princess of Arrendelle was relentless, obstinate like no other, and she had never been one to take a 'no' for an answer. Added to that, she knew her sister thoroughly, she could interpret the thin line of Elsa's lips, a subtle sigh or a reluctant nod. Anna was not the kind of person to give up easily, and thus, she had insisted, pushing Elsa further and further until she knew it would be impossible for the queen to deny her request.

In honor of the truth, Anna had offered to be the one to travel all the way to France, so that she could pick up their new protégé, but Elsa had refused. After all, her sister was six months pregnant, and asking her to voyage in that state was not something Elsa felt comfortable with. They had not even been informed of how many children they were expecting or of whose descendants would henceforth be living with them, thereby, Elsa refused to endanger her sister like that.

The next safe option that would have lifted the burden off Elsa's shoulders would have been Kristoff. Given the fact that they were walking in a completely unknown territory, oblivious to the number of children they were expecting, to their ages and their parentage, asking her brother-by-marriage to pick up the child or children that had been assigned to them would have made things easier.

Certainly, a part of Elsa would have rested more easily, had Kristoff been in her place. After all, he was strong, steadfast, and could overpower a skilled, trained enemy. It was glaringly obvious that one, or even two teenagers, like the ones she had seen in the deck of the ship would be no match for him.

However, summer was approaching, being the number one purveyor of ice in Auradon, Kristoff's days had been increasingly hectic. Naturally, it would have been unthinkable and counterproductive to ask him to put his own responsibilities aside and board a plane to travel to a whole different country in order to pick up the offspring of their enemies. Then again, if they had bothered to ask Elsa her opinion, she would have answered that this whole project was poorly planned and loosely designed.

In the end, it all came down to the fact that Elsa could pass down her obligations to Anna, who would then stay safe at Arrendelle Palace. Conversely, Kristoff could not do so with his chores and leave for someone else to carry them on. That was why Elsa Danica of Arrendelle and Vistborg was standing in an overcrowded wharf.

In anticipation of this 'big day' ―that to her sounded more like a 'huge disaster'―, Anna had shipped their family carriage to Corona nearly a week earlier. Then, Elsa had boarded a plane, set to arrive at her cousin's kingdom, the day before. She had spent the night in the company of Rapunzel and her family, and, come morning, both of them had climbed on their own carriages and traveled from Corona to Auradon City. Elsa had to admit, Rapunzel had thought this whole project more thoroughly than she had, going as far as to take two carriages to Auradon City, in case one was not enough to take the children back to Corona. Of course, the queen of Arrendelle supposed that it only made sense. After all, Rapunzel had impatiently counted the days in her calendar for her to meet her new foster child—or children, the queen reminded herself. That hypothetical plural was too important to ignore. Elsa had, instead, dreaded the day and prayed to the Lord that He would change the minds of everyone involved in the relocation of the Isle children before it arrived.

The plan was that, after receiving their new protégé, they would travel by carriage to Denmark, where they would climb on a plane in order to return to Arrendelle. Rapunzel, always hospitable, had offered for Elsa to return to Corona with her and Eugene, so that they could leave the next morning, well-rested and refreshed, but Elsa had declined. Rapunzel and her family would have to deal with a villain child —or children— of their own, and Elsa simply wanted to return home as soon as possible.

'Soon', however, was a word that Elsa had not heard since arriving to Auradon City. The whole day had been hectic with Fayanna, Benjamin and the former kings giving announcements with big, unceremonious megaphones and handing out leaflets in land. Meanwhile, Maleficent's daughter ran from one side of the deck of the ship to the other, attempting to organize several dozens of teenagers with what seemed to be little success.

The children finally began to descend from the vessel nearly three hours after the scheduled time. The first ones to step on Auradonian land were probably Huns, judging by the way they were dressed. Afterwards came a flock of children that varied between the ages of four and eighteen, at least that's what it seemed to her. She recognized the Hook children. More correctly, she assumed they were the offspring of James Hook, given the fact that they were dressed in a poor attempt to imitate the pirate fashion and that Jane Rees was called to pick some of them up.

Not long after, the loudspeakers called her own cousin, Rapunzel. Elsa stayed at the plaza with Rose and Anxellin while Rapunzel and Eugene ventured to find their foster daughter. When they returned, they were accompanied by a black-haired girl. She wore a faded dress that had once been green, and the worn fabric clung to her bony frame, proving it was at least three sizes too big for her. Despite Rapunzel's upbeat attitude and Eugene's unfaltering smile, the girl that tailed behind them appeared uninterested and apathetic.

Unamused, Elsa simply raised an inquisitive eyebrow when Rapunzel introduced her as Ginny Gothel, her former captor's only daughter. At the mention of her mother, the girl simply huffed, although neither of the sovereigns of Corona seemed to pay any mind to it.

Soon after, Rose and Anxellin took matters into their own hands and offered to take Ginny to the carriages. It was a welcomed change of scenery, apparently, and the girl didn't argue against the proposition. Once they had left, Rapunzel insisted it would be a short while before they called Elsa, too, and she had to approach the wharf to meet her new protégé. The queen of Arrendelle, however, wasn't as convinced. They had never discussed the number of children that would be incorporated into Auradonian households, but she had certainly never imagined that it would ascend to more than fifty. She had been wrong, it was more than apparent.

It was at least two more hours, long after her cousin's family had left to begin their return to Corona, long after the time that Benjamin had promised, that Elsa's name was finally called. The pier had slowly emptied through the afternoon, as the children descended from the ship, and by the time the queen of Arrendelle was called, there were barely any people still at the wharf.

It seemed she had been granted the arguable honor of being the last of the heroes called to meet her protégé, she noted absently. Her theory was proven when, instead of simply guiding the islander down, Benjamin and Grimhilde's daughter descended of the ship first. The daughter of Maleficent followed, and the last member of the party was a young boy.

Soon, Elsa was introduced to the son of Hans, a sick-looking boy with milky skin and freckles dusted on his nose and cheeks. He did not seem to be paying much attention to his surroundings, and he barely lifted his eyes from the ground when Grimhilde's daughter said his name. To be entirely honest, it was… disappointing, to an extent. Lame, almost. He had none of the raw fierceness Elsa had seen in Rapunzel's foster child or the bulky muscles and broad shoulders of the teenagers that had just left the dock in Megara's company.

Instead, the kid paled in comparison as he tailed behind the daughters of two of the most feared villains. He limped as he walked, and the dull sheen of his gaze seemed more resigned than defiant. He was considerably young, as well, probably not older than six. The only vague similarity Elsa could find between that boy and the young woman that Rapunzel had taken under her care was the extreme skinniness, which made the worn-away clothes hang loosely on their bodies.

All things considered, this was not what Elsa had expected to encounter. Yet, the resemblance this boy had with Hans was undeniable. He had the same deep green eyes and reddish hair, an identical, turned-up nose and thin lips, ready to spit out lies and deceive and betray. It should have been no surprise, Elsa supposed.

After all, Hans had never been the typical kind of villain either. He had none of Jafar's sinister eyes and dark magic, none of Ursula's maniacal laughter or power. Hans was a charming young prince, with lips that dripped honey and innocent eyes that enamored foolish girls. If Elsa had learned something out of this whole ordeal, it was that one could not trust appearances. And if that boy was anything like his father, then the guiltlessness in his gaze was nothing other than deception.

Nonetheless, Anna had somehow talked her into entering this insane project, and Elsa valued her word of honor too much to step back now. She sighed deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. It was too late to refuse taking the child with her. If anything, she should be thankful that she didn't have to deal with a fully-grown teenager.

Endure, there was no other possible solution. Endurance and patience.

With a sigh that mixed both resignation and discomfiture, Elsa nodded her defeat and called Han's offspring over to her. If anything in this mishap was truth, that was the fact that Maleficent's daughter looked exhausted. It was no surprise, after she had been running around the wharf for the best part of the day. Elsa could at least recognize her effort and empathize with it, even if she was still against her charity project.

It seemed, however, that the kid was having second thoughts as well. With his eyes stubbornly glued to the floor beneath them and small fists clenched around the pleased cuffs of his shirt, he offered no answer to the queen when she called his name. In fact, he hardly seemed to be there at all, and neither did he reply in any way when both Grimhilde and Maleficent's daughters spoke to him. It was amusing, Elsa had to admit, that he did not seem an ounce more excited about the position they had found themselves in than she was.

Yet, duty was duty, and neither of them could refuse their luck. The kid seemed to understand that much, for he followed Elsa's lead without so much as a weary nod. He did not let out a single word, not even when Elsa inquired about his lack of luggage or when Grimhilde's daughter insisted that he was welcomed to ask any questions he might have.

The fact that this kid had been dropped under her care with, quite literally, nothing but the clothes he had on was a worry for when they got to Auradon. At least that was what Elsa thought, in her very honest opinion. For now, she would consider it a success if they managed to get to the carriage without any other incidents.

For the first time that day, it seemed that the God above had listened to her prayers. The pier was mostly empty, as was the parking lot. That fortunate happening was at least a comforting thought, if nothing else.

When they finally reached Arrendelle's royal carriage, Elsa allowed herself to internally claim a small victory over that deed. As soon as he saw them approach, Sigurd, Arrendelle's chauffeur, raised from his seat and hurried to hold the carriage door open for them.

"Thank you, Sigurd," the queen offered, flashing her loyal serf a brief smile that quickly dissolved into a strained gesture. "Now, allow me to introduce you to Henry. He is the son of former Admiral Hans Westergaard, the thirteenth son of late King Fridtjof," she recounted, feeling her tongue curl uncomfortably with the bitter stung of the words in her mouth. Perplexed, the driver started to part his lips as a response, but Elsa made a conclusive movement of her hand to let Sigurd know that it was not time to question about the boy's parentage. "And, Henry," she continued. "This is Sigurd, a beloved family friend and a versed server."

Again, the kid hardly bothered to lift his gaze from the floor to look in Sigurd's general direction. However, for the first time that day, his lips moved rapidly as he offered a timid reply. "A pleasure to meet you," he said, hurried and barely audible.

"My, you can speak," Elsa noted out loud before she could stop herself. As soon as she pronounced the words, she saw the boy minutely hunch his shoulders, almost as if an inaudible sigh had left his lips. "Forgive me, child, that was inappropriate," she immediately added. In a desperate attempt to change the topic, she stepped to the side of the carriage so that Han's son could step inside and gestured for him to climb into the vehicle.

Instead of answering, he reverted to simply denying with his head.

"No?" Elsa inquired. "What do you mean?"

"No, Your Majesty," he insisted. "I cannot board before you."

Elsa would have been lying, had she said his response did not throw her aback. Her eyebrows quirked upwards, and it took her a quarter of a millisecond longer than she would have liked to admit to collect her thoughts once again.

"I appreciate it, child, but I must insist," the queen reiterated. "I have to call someone before we leave, and I think you'll need a moment to settle in. By all means, go ahead."

This time, he dared not go against her direct instruction. He climbed into the vehicle after a moment of indecision. Elsa had not lied. She had, in fact, promised to call Anna as soon as she had news of who their new protégé would be. For what seemed to be the thousandth time that day, Elsa let out a tired sigh and then dialed the number she had long ago committed to memory. Anna picked up the phone almost immediately and welcomed her sister with a very unladylike shriek.

"Oh, goodness, Elsa! Where had you been? I tried calling you like ten times. I spoke with Zellie, what? Three hours ago? She said they were already leaving!"

"Indeed. Rapunzel left a while ago," the queen asseverated. "You just know my luck. I was literally the last person called to pick up the kid."

"Kid?" Anna questioned a heartbeat later. "I assume, then, it was only one child?"

"Only one," Elsa nodded. "And you won't believe who it is," before Anna even had time to guess who their foster child could be, the queen continued. "We were assigned Han's son."

"The little boy?"

"You're more informed than I am, it seems."

"Eugene has just mentioned some things," Anna brushed off. "You would know, too, if you paid attention to him when he speaks of the Isle instead of zoning out."

"I stand by what I have been telling you for months," Elsa insisted, adamant. "It is of no concern of mine who in the Isle of the Lost has spawned children or what has come of their offspring."

"Don't be like this, Elsa, you know better than anyone—"

"I just called to let you know we are on our way home. We should arrive tomorrow afternoon," she cut her off. "I'll let you know when we get to Denmark," she added as a second thought. Without letting Anna so much as gather her thoughts, Elsa hung up.

She would regret her actions later, she knew, once the coals of the fury that blazed inside her had cooled off. She would feel especially awful the following evening, once she got home and she stood face to face in front of Anna. Her sister had that quality, Elsa was more than aware of it. She knew her far too well and she could get her point across to Elsa with nothing other than a quirked eyebrow.

If anything, Anna wouldn't be resentful or upset at her for having reacted the way she had—she would be disappointed. And that burning knowledge was somehow worse than the prospect of a shouting match with her younger sister.

That was a problem for later, she reminded herself as she stepped into her carriage. She could not make plans of sailing overseas when she did not even have a ship to sail in. She would face the problems one at the time. And, in that precise moment, she needed to focus her energy on figuring out what to make of the boy that would be sitting right across from her for the next several hours.

She had told Benjamin that it would be a long and cold way to Auradon. The cold had never been an issue for her, but as for her first affirmation...

"Let's get going, Sigurd," she instructed, taking a seat on the unoccupied bench.

"Yes, ma'am," he nodded, with the reigns of the Norwegian Fjords* already prepared in his hands.

Elsa reminded herself to look at it from the positive side. Each of her steps was a step closer to returning home. With the comfort, however small, that that thought could provide her with, she slammed the carriage door closed. It might have been her imagination, but she thought she'd seen the kid flinch at the sound. She was more inclined to think it had been a product of her weary mind, because, when she consciously turned her eyes to the boy, he seemed frozen in place.

The first ten minutes of their journey scurried away in an awkward silence. Under regular circumstances, muteness or stillness were not things that bothered the queen of Arrendelle. After all, she had spent the best part of her teenage years living in loneliness. She was more than used to silence and solitude.

Yet, this time, there was something off about that quietness. According to the papers Maleficent's daughter had given her, the boy in front of her was only two years older than Anna's own son, Karl. However, she would not have guessed that the age gap between them was that small, considering how... unobtrusive Han's son was, for lack of a better word.

Karl, as Anna herself, was a chatterbox. He'd learned to speak way before his first birthday, and getting him to remain quiet and still was a challenge. God forgave you were traveling with him, for, in case you were misfortunate enough to be within hearing range from him, it'd be a long and seemingly never ending whining of 'Are we there yet? And now, and now? When are we going to arrive?'

His nephew was the only child Elsa frequently came in contact with, which indicated that perchance he was not a good parameter to measure every other child she encountered. However, there was something unnatural in the way Han's son carried himself. Whether it was because something was indeed out of place or merely because this boy was unfamiliar with his surroundings, Elsa might not know for a while. At least not until Henry trusted her and her family. What she knew with absolute certainty, however, was that this perfect stillness was making her uneasy. Perhaps that was why she took it upon herself to break the silence.

"This is your first time outside the Isle, aren't you excited?" She asked, giving further proof that she was not someone to be trusted when it came to social interaction.

The boy shrugged, weak and uninterested. "Scared," was his reply.

"Scared, huh?" She questioned, slightly amused. "There's nothing to be afraid of."

Funny, she thought to herself, that she had echoed the exact same words Anna had used when she tried to convince Elsa to join this insane project. Even funnier it was that she was not an inch closer to believing those words than she had been when Anna had said them the first time. At the moment, with the water up to her neck, she reluctantly admitted that it most likely made no difference.

"Listen," Elsa announced a few minutes later. "We will get to Denmark tonight. We left Auradon City extremely late, as you can see, which, as a consequence, means that we will arrive to Denmark at some time in the wee hours of the morning."

She was aware that there was no reason why she should share such information with the boy. If anything, withdrawing such instruction could have proven beneficial to her, in case the son of Hans intended to retaliate against her for the rather humiliating banishment of his father. Under any other circumstances, she might have strongly advised against enlightening him with the knowledge of their appointed schedule.

On the other hand, it seemed to her extremely unlikely that the boy seating in front of her could be plotting anything like that. It could have been nothing but a tactic to deceive her, that possibility did not escape her mind. However, instead of a vicious vindicator, he only appeared to her as what he had described—scared. Curled up in his seat, as far as humanly possible from Elsa, his green eyes riveted to the queen, attentively watching each of her moves, he seemed lost, meager and afraid.

With that in mind, she figured that giving him a handful of solid datum to cling on to in the midst of the chaos could hardly be considered an important threat. In addition to that, even if he planned on attacking her, it would have been a terrible move to begin an assault when he possessed virtually no knowledge of the land he was standing on or the people he had been sent to fight against.

"And tomorrow," she continued, "at the crack of dawn, we are to board a plane to Arrendelle, my kingdom."

The only prove he have of having heard her was a half-hearted nod of his head. After that, the queen decided against adding anything else. They remained in silence for probably thirty more minutes. This time, it was not necessarily uncomfortable, Elsa had to admit. It was expectant, if anything. It was electrified with restlessness, pregnant with apprehension.

That was how her whole trip to Auradon City had been, if she had to be honest. She had scrutinized the dozens of different scenarios that could unfold. She had recapitulated the names of the villains that had plagued the provinces that now conformed the United States of Auradon, in an attempt to envisage who could be the progenitor of their protégé. She had clung to the hope that she would not have to face the offspring of the man who had nearly destroyed her family.

Elsa Danica of Arrendelle and Vistborg had never believed in her good luck. Whatever star she had been born under, it had never blessed her with the bright fortune others seemed to have embossed on their foreheads. Therefore, despite having hoped beyond hope that this ordeal would not conclude with her housing the spawn of Hans, she had always suspected such would be the ending.

However, her lack of fortunateness did not exclude the possibility of unexpected revelations from unfolding. Which demonstrated why the son of Hans she had been introduced to looked nothing like the vicious adolescent she had believed she would encounter.

It was not an optimal time to be having second thoughts, she concluded wearily. Finally blinking herself back into reality, she took her gaze off the open window and turned to face her new protégé.

"Are you hungry?" She inquired, only then remembering the luncheon Rapunzel had packed for them in the morning. For all answer, the boy merely shook his head, his eyes focused on the burgundy carpet of the floor. "You should eat, child. It is late and still a long journey awaits us."

Despite the fact that she did not receive a verbal answer either, Elsa leaned under her seat to reach for the knit handbag Rapunzel had given her that morning. Rapunzel, always a generous hostess, had packed the bag with enough containers to feed probably six or seven people, no doubt deciding it was better to have more to spare in case the number of protégés was higher than they were expecting. So engrossed had Elsa been with the prospect of the day that laid ahead of them, that she had not even opened Rapunzel's package to check what she had sent.

Calmly, the queen of Arrendelle untied the knot her cousin had secured the bag with. She took out six bottles of water and placed them beside her on the cushioned seat. She then proceeded to pull out one of the plastic containers Rapunzel had carefully packed.

"Oh, this girl," she couldn't help but chuckle as she uncapped the dish. Inside, perfectly aligned to make the most out of the space in the bowl, Rapunzel had placed five kjøttkaker meatballs, with brown sauce carefully spread on them and pea purée served to the side.

Out of the three of them, Rapunzel was the only one who could cook to save her life. Anna, bless her heart, sometimes tried to bake a cake or attempted to make cookies, which more often than not concluded with a chaotic kitchen and burnt dough. In Anna's defense, she was perfectly capable of making a sandwich, that much was true.

As for herself, Elsa had never been in the necessity of learning such a skill. Born and raised to rule Arrendelle, her days as a child had been scheduled around memorizing the history of her country and their neighboring provinces, around studying languages from abroad and learning to navigate the shifts of the economic world. It was only natural that her housewife skills had fallen below on her priority list. Especially taking into consideration that there were several years of her childhood that had been lost to isolation and dread.

Rapunzel, however, had spent her teenage years perfecting a wide variety of arts, which included painting, dressmaking and gastronomy. Elsa had to admit, it was a nice highlight to be invited to Corona and enjoy a home-made meal that had been especially prepared by her cousin. It made it all the more significant. Added to that, Rapunzel was extremely thoughtful, and she had a way of always finding out your culinary preferences in favor of surprising you with a plate of whatever delicacy you favored over the rest.

She would have to call Rapunzel and thank her as soon as she was back in Arrendelle. With that in mind, Elsa turned to face the boy before her once again.

"Here," she handed the container over. The boy accepted it silently, barely looking up to her, although he did not meet her eyes. He then waited patiently for Elsa to fish out the cutlery that had slipped to the bottom of the bag. His hands fidgeted with the bowl, and when Elsa handed over a fork and a knife, he stared down at the food for a moment in mystification and hesitancy.

It was when he finally began eating that Elsa noticed he had two teeth missing. A canine and an incisor, both from the right side of his mouth. He was supposed to be seven, she remembered absently, it was not a unique feature.

"This is a courtesy from my cousin Rapunzel, the Queen of Corona. Have you heard of her?" She questioned instead, turning her attention back to Rapunzel's bag.

"No, Your Majesty. Forgive me."

Bewildered, the queen arched an eyebrow. "Well, I suppose there's no reason you should have," she reflected. Even though she was more than certain that Hans was aware of the fact that the Corona family was related to her own, Elsa could not think of a reason why he would consider it information important enough to share with his son.

Still questioning how much knowledge Hans really had about her family, the queen proceeded to take out a similar dish out of the bag. Calmly, she took off the lid and took in the exquisite smell. It was only when she was halfway through her meal that it occurred to her that she could ask the boy how much he knew of another of her family members.

"What about Anna, my sister?" She inquired, startling her companion, who flinched at the sudden sound. "Did your father ever mention her?"

"He sometimes spoke of Princess Anna," he admitted, more concentrated in the purée than in the queen.

"He did?" Elsa couldn't help but inquire. "And what did he say, if I may know?"

"He used to say that she had made a mistake, choosing to remain loyal to you," he finally answered, his fork frozen midair so he could answer, even though he did not lift his gaze from the plate. "He said she was not fit to be queen."

"Am I to assume he said the same thing about me?" She questioned, genuinely intrigued by what the answer may be.

Instead of replying right away, Henry recoiled into his seat. It almost gave Elsa the impression that he wanted to curl into the back of the piece of furniture and disappear.

"Please, child, speak freely," she encouraged, her right eyebrow quirked up with curiosity. "It would be unjust of me to hold your sincerity against you."

"He called you a witch," he finally answered, holding the fork Elsa had given him tightly in his right hand. Parsimoniously, he cut the meatball into small portions, giving Elsa the impression that he was playing with the food rather than thinking of eating it. However, she quickly discovered that it was only a way to keep his fidgety hands busy. "He said that you shouldn't have been made queen."

"I am certain that he did," Elsa sighed, pressing the plastic lid back on her empty container so she could put it back into the bag.

She couldn't have explained the reason behind her next actions. Probably, there was no good explanation as to why her hands moved to her neck and unclasped her necklace. More mystified than before, she pulled the locket from under her dress and opened it.

The necklace, a snowflake-shaped silver jewel had been a gift from her sister. Inside, a picture of her parents on their wedding day, joyous and bathed in glory, smiled back at her from the left side. On the right one, Anna greeted her with a crooked smile. One of her arms was placed around her son's shoulders, while the other one rested on her thigh, supporting her weight as she squatted down.

To Karl's opposite side, Kristoff stood in a similar position, his eyes closed as he smiled widely to the camera. Between his parents, Karl seemed more preoccupied with the piece of cake before him than with the prospect of having his picture taken. His cheeks and chin were covered in blue icing as his tiny hands reached for the sweet treat. They'd taken that picture during Karl's first birthday party, amidst the chaos of Anna insisting that it had to be perfect and her toddler, who was more interested in the shinny-wrapped gifts and yummy food than in posing for pictures. Elsa cherished it even more because of it.

"This is my sister," she introduced, turning the locket over so Hans' son could appreciate Anna's warm smile. "The one your father deemed unfit to rule. You will be distraught to learn that she is still fiercely loyal to me. And this one," she pointed to Kristoff's joyful figure. "Is her husband. They are here with their son, he's slightly younger than you."

As all answer, the boy simply nodded his head. Although he stiffly leaned forward to get a better look at the picture Elsa was showing him. The queen noticed with a slight tinge of curiosity that he made no movement to grab the locket or to come closer to her than was strictly necessary.

The thought assaulted her like a sudden gush of icy wind on a warm summer evening. It was abrupt, rattling and, above everything, unwelcomed. Elsa could not have explained where it came from, only that it appeared in the horizon of her mind like an unanticipated turn in the tracks of her train of thought. Once she noticed the inevitable divarication she was forced to take, it was too late for her to evade the realization that dwelled on her with a sudden swerve.

Had things been a little different, had Anna continued her original plan and married Hans instead of Kristoff, the little boy in the picture of her locket could have been an entirely different one. For a moment, Elsa's vision blurred and the blond of Karl's hair beclouded to become a dark ginger. For a moment, instead of Kristoff's open expression and sincere smile, the sharp features of a man with green eyes and an icy smile stared back at her from her picture. Had things been a little different, and the thought gnawed at her chest with frigid emptiness, the boy leaning closer to get a better look of her pictures could have been her nephew.

"They are all waiting for us in Arrendelle," the queen manage to articulate in a rushed breath. She brusquely pulled the necklace back and clasped it in place once again with trembling fingers.

"Who is she?" Henry questioned quietly, pointing to where the picture of Elsa's parents had been barely a moment ago with a slight tilt of his head.

"Those are my parents, the former rulers of Arrendelle," Elsa replied, her voice a little tighter than she would have liked to admit.

"She is very pretty," he mumbled, sliding back to his seat.

"She... was," the queen conceded in an undertone. She let out a small sigh, her hand tightly wrapped around the silver snowflake. She didn't let go until the sharp ends of the figure bit at her palm. Even then, she only lessened her grip, although her fingers remained firmly placed around the locket.

Silence fell between them with resignation. There was something unnatural about the way the boy before her sat, too still and too quiet; about the way he adamantly refused to look at her in the eye, about the way his hands rested, barely pulling at the loose ends of his pants. There was something in the way he hunched over and kept his lips pressed into a pallid line that made Elsa shift uncomfortably in her seat. There was something, between the way that boy only ever spoke in soft whispers and her own unwelcomed thoughts that made hot, flaring guilt be born in the pit of her stomach. She wanted to call that feeling uneasiness instead, because it was easier to do that than to admit that, for the first time since she had arrived to the wharf in Auradon City, she did not know how to proceed.

"There's more of these, in case you are still hungry," she urged, holding up the knit bag her cousin had given her in the air, a desperate endeavor to change the subject. "Rapunzel cooked for maybe six people, but it is just the two of us here."

"Thank you, Your Highness," he mumbled quietly, in an attempt, Elsa supposed, to not give her testimony that he was in fact still hungry, even though his eyes followed Elsa's hands greedily when she opened the handbag and put away his dish.

"Here," Elsa handed him another of the containers.

"No, Your Majesty, this..."

"You don't have to eat them now if you don't want to," she shrugged. "However, I will warn you, they won't taste as good when they are reheated."

"Thank you," he repeated, barely audible.

"This is a bestowal from Rapunzel, I can't let it go to waste," she remarked. "In fact..." the queen added as a second thought. "She might have included dessert..."

With that prospect to look forward to, the queen returned her attention to the contents of the bag. As was her custom, Rapunzel had packed the healthy, more nutritious food in the top containers, while the sweeter, sugary treats had ended up at the bottom.

"Here we go," she announced, opening the lid of the dish to reveal six carefully presented cardamom rolls. "She made skolebrød, with vanilla."

Delighted, she took one of the sweets and handed over the remaining ones to the boy.

"Your Majesty, this is... enough. More than enough," he immediately tried to brush off, even though there was barely anything left in his plate.

"Feel free to take it," Elsa insisted, carefully wiping the corners of her lips with a folded napkin. "Rapunzel made it for you more than she made it for me. She is very passionate about this whole... project. Which is more than can be said about me."

Following her dry remark, the boy silently took the pastries and continued eating. After that, they both fell into silence once again. Elsa wouldn't have called it grievous or uncomfortable. If anything, it was contemplative, reflective. Elsa was used to silence, she reveled in it. Far from finding it awkward, it made her feel secure and it saved her the trouble of small talk and forced interactions. Therefore, Elsa was not going to complain over the fact that the boy she'd been assigned to watch over was a quiet one.

With that in mind, Elsa took a book out of her purse and began reading. Truthfully, she was re-reading it, a habit she has acquired as a child, as she remained in her room with no company besides her books and piano. That book in particular was a personal favorite, a collection of her compatriot's theatrical plays, Henrik Ibsen. What she enjoyed the most about them was how were genuine, controversial, and straight to the point they were, how raw and unapologetic.

She refused to put her book down until after seven o'clock, once the sun had come down and it was impossible for her to continue reading. With a content sigh, she put her bookmark in place and slowly blinked herself back into reality.

She unseeingly stared out of the open curtains for thirty or forty more minutes, before finally deciding it had gotten too dark and closing them. The temperature had been consistently dropping for the last hours, but it was around eight thirty when the air turned chilly. It was nothing but a mild annoyance to her. However, she was fairly certain that, had Anna been besides her, she would have alternated her time between placing her hands under her thighs and hugging herself, both fruitless attempts to warm herself up.

It was that thought what finally reminded her that she was not traveling alone to some idyllic and unvisited part of the Norwegian forests. Instead, she was trapped in a very long ride with the son of the man who had plotted to kill her. And somehow, she had managed to forget that crucial piece of information.

When she finally turned to face him once again, she found Hans' son still stiffly sitting in place. Unlike what one would have assumed as a result of the calm stillness that had taken over the carriage —something impossible to achieve when one was traveling with children—, he was not asleep. Rather, his eyes attentively watched every one of Elsa's movements. At some point, he'd drawn his knees closer to the rest of his body, until he was now almost kneeling on the seat, careful to keep his shoes out of the cushioned bench.

His eyes were riveted to Elsa like a hawk. Although, upon further inspection, Elsa realized that that analogy was being too generous with him. A hawk, with capable wings and fearless talons, was a bird of prey, a lone owner of the skies, too powerful to fear even the prideful eagle. The son of Hans looked nothing like that. Curled up into his seat, he gave more the impression of a frightened hare, heedful to his surroundings, desperately registering every sound, in fear that the real hawk would find him. Following that analogy, she should be the raptor, Elsa realized with slight amusement. The thought was also slightly disturbing, and she soon decided to brush it away.

He was almost too tense to be sure, and the murkiness of the carriage made it impossible to be entirely certain. However, from the way that he hugged his arms close to his body and the fact that he seemed to be trying to take up as less space as humanly possible, Elsa thought it was safe to assume that he did not share her views when regarding the weather.

"You're cold," she concluded, not a question as much as it was a statement.

"No, Your Majesty. I am fine," he replied, almost immediately.

Is that so, she thought to herself, unable to stop herself from arching an inquisitive eyebrow at him. It probably made no difference, as the penumbras most likely hid her expression.

"Stand up," she instructed, her reaction sudden and unexplainable even to her.

The change was instantaneous. The words had barely left her lips when the steady rise and fall of his chest came to a halt. His hands, which had been loosely wrapped around his elbows, tensed until they were fists.

"Your... Your Highness... I am extremely sorry," he stammered weakly. "It was not my intention to trouble you, I... will not do it again."

"What are you talking about, child? Stand up," she repeated flatly, as she rose to her feet as well.

This time, the boy locked eyes with her for what had to be the first time since she'd picked him up that afternoon. There was something desperate in his gaze, something, dare she say it, pleading. However, it quickly changed into resignation when he saw Elsa stand in front of him.

With a choked whimper, he pulled himself to his feet and stepped closer to Elsa. His movements were so tense that they almost seemed mechanic.

"Your Majesty, I am sorry," he insisted in a brittle voice. "I assure you it won't happen again."

Judging from the way his breathing had sped up, he was on the verge of tears now. His arms were stiffly wrapped around his torso, and although it was hard for Elsa to be certain due to the fact that he had, once again, turned away from her, he seemed to be blinking repeatedly in a desperate attempt to reabsorb the humidity that had begun to pool in his eyes.

"It won't happen again, Your Majesty, I—"

"Hush, child, hush," Elsa finally interrupted him. In silence, she walked closer to him and crouched so she could be at his height. "I have no idea of what you are talking about. You have done nothing wrong."

Yet, she added to herself, even though her tongue curled in distaste at the prospect of saying it aloud. It was simply too cruel to torture the boy further, when it was so glaringly obvious that he was already terrified of her as things were. Pointing out that she expected him to fail soon was not something Anna would have approved. And, on this particular note, she agreed with her sister.

Without adding a word, Elsa's left hand moved to unfasten the button that secured her cape to her left shoulder. Soon, she repeated the motion with her opposite shoulder. Henry missed the movement, as his eyes were squeezed shut, but Elsa carefully slid the piece of clothing behind him.

"Here," she proceeded, placing her cape on Henry's shoulders. She adjusted the item so that it wrapped around his body. There was a third buttonhole on the left side of the neck, in case the queen wanted it to envelope her body instead of having the Aegean blue fabric cascade from the tips of her shoulders to the floor. Of course, the item was much too long for Henry to wear, and its lower part dragged along the carpet of the floor. When Elsa reached for Henry to button the cape, he practically whimpered at the contact. "Calm down," she shushed. "I don't bite, calm down."

He gave her a curt nod as answer, and Elsa decided to take the gesture as the boy's approval for her to continue. With precise hands, and trying to touch him no more than was strictly necessary, she adjusted the clothing item around him, trying to make it so that the soft linen was wrapped around his body. Carefully, she smoothed out the fabric and primped the white mink fur of the borders of the cloth under Henry's neck.

"There we go, child," she nodded. "This should be enough."

"Queen Elsa, what is...? Why?" He stuttered, his voice hurried and wobbly.

"I can't allow you to get sick before we are even standing in Arrendellian soil," she answered, even though the words tasted of deceit on her tongue. While that was true, she knew that it hadn't been the reason why she had stepped forward so munificently.

"I can't accept this, Your Majesty, I—"

"Hush," Elsa repeated once again. With measured movements, she slipped her left hand into the pocket of her gown and pulled out an embroidered silk handkerchief. She extended it towards the boy, and although he hesitated before taking it, he finally did and rubbed at his eyes. Satisfied with his response, Elsa rose to her feet and turned away. "Take your seat, boy. I do not find cold as troublesome as others do. I will be fine."

Once again, Hans' son chose not to reply verbally. Instead, he offered a faltering nod and quietly walked over to the bench he'd been using. Through the murkiness of the carriage, Elsa saw his hands grip around the fabric of her cape to pull it tighter around his body.

"Thank you, Your Majesty," he whispered after several minutes. It was a small sound, tight with something that Elsa did not identify, something that lingered in the space between them and that made Elsa shift in her seat with worriment.

For once, Elsa decided to follow the boy's example and not say anything. Instead, she folded her hands on her lap. She drummed her fingers against the Swarovski crystals of her dress, before finally sighing. She must be imagining things, she decided at last.

"It's still a long way to Arrendelle, child," she announced, turning her eyes to the tarnished window. "Better make yourself comfortable."

Afterwards, neither of them said anything. It only made sense. After all, Elsa had nothing to add, and Henry had made it very clear that he was not the kind of person who easily found his way around interesting conversation topics or awkward silences. Furthermore, they were two strangers who had found themselves sharing a carriage with each other by consequence of ill fortune. They had nothing to say to one another.

When Elsa finally returned her attention to the son of Hans, she found him fast asleep. His legs were tucked under the rest of his body, and his head leaned against the window. Soft exhalations of breath rhythmically misted up the glass. Strangely enough, Elsa noticed that he was sucking on his left thumb, which had to be a worrying behavior.

He almost didn't seem like a threat. Elsa nearly scoffed at the thought. Of course, she thought, he wasn't currently a threat. He was asleep and drained from the day, it was only natural. Likewise, an unconscious, well-trained soldier was completely incapable of inflicting damage.

However, Elsa knew that the fact that he was exhausted was not the reason she'd been assaulted by such thought. That boy, with a wobbly voice and tearful eyes did not seem like a threat even when awake. To practically state it, he was weak. His fight-or-flight instincts seemed to be permanently stuck on freeze, from what she had seen in the course of only a few hours.

Someone like him, someone so quick to obey and to please, someone so deprived of resolution, could definitely not have the upper hand against any of the children that Elsa had seen descend from the Pharaoh that afternoon. Clearly, he could not win against any of the kids that belonged to Miss Hook's crew. The mere thought of Hans' son fighting against, say, the boys that had left with Megara or even the young lady Rapunzel had introduced her to was risible, absurd.

There was an important age gap in her comparisons, Elsa was well-aware of it. However, it was not only size or skill that made the thought so terribly preposterous, it was the attitude of the kids. Were the Gaston boys had carried themselves with overbearingness and conviction, Henry was insecure and weak-willed. Were Miss Gothel had been fierce and oh-so-ready to talk back and to argue against Rapunzel, Henry was eerily quiet for a child his age, unnaturally still through their whole journey.

Careful, she reminded herself. This could very well be what he wants you to think.

It could be, she knew. And it made sense, too, to persuade her into thinking that he was nothing but a terrified young boy. Nothing but an innocent kid, in the same way that her own nephew, Anna's real son, was. Nothing but a child that had been brought up in the worst of conditions, only to be uprooted and thrown into the care of a complete stranger, like Esmeralda de Châteaupers wanted them to believe.

On the other hand... it did not seem to be adding up. Elsa praised herself of being a clever woman, one that could see through the ill intentions of others, one that was rarely taken by surprise. And, if she allowed herself to be honest... to think that the boy that had so completely rendered himself to sleep in front of her, that the boy that had literally jumped in fear at the prospect of her being mildly inconvenienced by him could instead be an egregious attacker waiting to strike seemed quite unlikely to her.

Hans, a wolf in sheep's clothing, a deceiving assassin-to-be, had sounded so secure of himself, he'd carried himself with such earnestness and strong conviction that it was unthinkable to doubt him. He had a seductive smile, he possessed a silky voice and rehearsed compliments curled around the corners of his lips with concealed scorn. It was inconceivable and nearly as absurd as picturing his backboneless son as a Machiavellian vindicator, to think that he expected Henry to become his successor and finish the work he had started at Arrendelle while, at the same time, not even instructing him on his charming qualities.

Careful, careful, she repeated to herself. With a sigh, the queen allowed herself to lean her head on the back of her seat and close her eyes. That morning, she had been certain that it was her duty to diligently stay on guard and protect her family from the arrival of a cold-blooded delinquent. It had been so clear to her, that nothing good could come out of this improvised project.

She wasn't as certain now. There was nothing, not one tiny, insignificant thing that had made her feel she needed to have her guard up. Nothing told her that that boy was plotting to destroy the life she had fought so hard to build. Nothing but the man who had sired him.

If anything, he seemed terrified. And it only made it all the more confusing. She was an expert at concealing her own emotions. She had spent a lifetime perfecting that art, it was only fair that she had become extremely adept at pinpointing someone who was doing the same thing. And, to be completely honest, it did not seem to her that the boy Hans had spawned wanted to take revenge for what had been done to his father.

Anna had asked her to give the Isle children a chance. A chance to prove that they were, in fact, only that—children. That they were scared, hungry and in need of help. A chance to prove that they deserved security and stability, and that they did not intend to follow in their parents' footsteps.

A chance, Anna had insisted until it was impossible for Elsa to refuse. A chance for them to simply be themselves.

"Very well," the queen of Arrendelle announced into the icy darkness of her carriage.

Hawks were patient. They could overfly the extensions of their valleys, eyes scanning the ground below until a single movement of their prey announced their downfall and the hawk, swift and ruthless, descended to grasp them in its claws. If she was a raptor in this unorthodox allegory, patience ran warm in her veins. She would play along, she decided. She would pretend to buy that hare's act and lower her guard.

If nothing else, she would do it out of curiosity, out of genuine desire to see how things unfolded. Only time would tell, she supposed. But if, by any chance, it turned out that Hans had in fact planned to retaliate against her family, then there would be nothing, no stilted analogies or pleas from her sister, no silly royal decrees or tearful apologies, that could prevent her from unleashing her wrath against the ones who had jeopardized her family.

And when the time to strike came, she would not waste time in charming smiles or play pretend for the sake of performance. No, if she was truly a bird of prey, she would shoot to kill, like she had always done. Ruthless, practical, unrelenting.

The first step one took on a freshly frozen lake was always hesitant, dubious. It always held a level of confusion and dread, the first attempt to examine how secure the ice was before applying one's full weight on the glassy material. This was her first step into the waterbody Anna had dragged her to. The water had frozen overnight and she had never been one to trust her good luck, especially not when the weight of her family's and kingdom's welfare ladened her down, heavy as lead shackles. She could be patient and wait until the ice could support her or until it cracked and fissured, drowning Benjamin's outrageous decrees and Anna's naiveness in its icy waters.

That was something she could do. She could wait.

Well... here goes nothing. It is here now! I am so, so happy. I loved how this turned out.

Now, a very long time ago BriEva actually asked me if Henry even had a tongue, as he had not spoken at all in the previous chapters. To be honest, I didn't think you guys would notice such a thing. While Henry's silence was absolutely intentional, I thought you readers would just brush it off and ignore it. It didn't happen, apparently, so imagine my surprise when she asked this and mentioned that "For some reason, she though Hans might have removed it". I am happy to inform, however, that no, Henry is fine, he can speak.

So, I know I shouldn't be picking favorites, because they are all my children and I love them all. However, Henry is a very special character to me, maybe because he is an OC, maybe because it lets me include Elsa. In fact, I even considered not including a child of Hans because I knew I would end up getting carried away because I absolutely adore Elsa. But I have no self-control, so here it is. What had to happen, happened. We have a son of Hans, I have an anarchic Elsa and life couldn't be better.

Now, for the *, the Norwegian Fjords are a breed of horses. Remember the ones with the darker strike of hair in their mane, from the Frozen movie? Those are them. They are lovely and I just wanted to point them out so you can go and see some pretty horse pictures.

Umm... I think that's all for now? I promise I will try to get the next chapter out soon but, like I said, life is a mess right now. Just remember, no matter how long it takes, I won't abandon this story, so rest assured I'm not just leaving it behind. It's just that school sucks. Meanwhile that happens, please know that your comments motivate me a lot, so please feel free to share your opinions and tell me, whose POV do you think the next chapter will be narrated in?

I love you all and read you soon!

#TOWW #the ones who wander #Hans #Southern Isles #Frozen #Elsa #Descendants #Descendants 2015 #Disney Descendants #Fanfiction #Angst #hurt/comfort

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pinkipie100 · 7 years ago

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Hi there. I read your analysis about The Voltron Show and I really liked it! At one point in that analysis, you mentioned that you feel the Voltron fandom is too quick to feel offended over how Hunk is portrayed in the show. Do you think it's possible that you could elaborate on that, if you wanted? And do you feel that this "overly-sensitive attitude" within the fandom extends to Lance's portrayal in the show as well?

Me? 27000 years late to an ask? HA HA HA!

…Always. Sorry, @thenorthernphoenix, I’ve been absent for quite a while, and I totally forgot my askbox was a thing.

Anyway, a thousand times thank you for reading my meta! To answer your question, and I may receive a lot of heat for this, but I think the Voltron crew have handled Hunk’s portrayal well, actually, and I’ll explain why. Hopefully concisely. Definitely not concisely.

First of all, Hunk is fat. Can we just… admit that? He’s fat. THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS SO OKAY. In fact, I think it’s important for boys who are also overweight to see. They need to know that they can still be the hero, despite their size. I know that a lot of the body positivity schtick has to do with encouraging women to feel comfortable with their bodies regardless of weight, but it’s really important for men, as well! Men probably have a tough time dealing with their body image because they’re expected not to care, but they’re also expected to simultaneously having ridiculously hypermasculine, ripped bodies, or they’re not really ‘a man,’ you know? But if people see Hunk and realize that this guy, yes, is overweight, but still kicks ass and is even the strongest paladin [stronger than Shiro!], that’ll give them just the encouragement they need. [Plus, Hunk is really f*ckin’ hot.]

Second of all, HUNK LIKES FOOD A F*CKING LOT. CAN WE ALSO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS?!?!?! Okay, I apologize, I’m getting heated… I just notice that people get extremely angry when Hunk is shown going crazy over food. I just… Of course he will act that way around food, he’s a foodie! Is it funny? Yeah. Does that mean we’re supposed to respect him any less? Of course not! Look, I’m not overweight, but I’m still a foodie! I, in fact, may or may not love food a bit too much in the most weird of ways! [-Food fetish much, Pinki? -Shut the fuh!] I honestly find it laughably relatable when Hunk drools at the sight of a delicious-looking hors d’oeurvre, or climbs over the invisible maze’s walls to get to a fine alien pastry! Like, f*cking me too, Hunk! I don’t know, maybe I’m being insensitive and stupid, but I don’t view Hunk as any less of a character because he’s very food-crazy. Last time I checked, though, no one was up in arms about Po using food to motivate him to become the Dragon Warrior.

I get it, this is just my own opinion. I like to believe that I’m being sensible, though. I’ll admit that, yes, the food jokes get a little old sometimes, but hey, they are still tasteful [dammit… I… I swear I didn’t mean to pun there]. Hunk is always depicted as a master of his craft, educated in the ways of the kitchen. He doesn’t just make junk food, either, he can cook meats; pastas; god forbid, vegetables! Take a look at any other kid’s show, and tell me if you find a fat character who is treated respectfully by their friends like Hunk, is as intelligent as Hunk, and is as three-dimensional as Hunk. Seriously, lemme know, I think I’d give the show a try, if that’s the case.

*whispers* Am I getting long-winded yet…

Okay, now for the second part of your question, I could go on for days about how the fandom basically becomes a volatile gershderned cult when it comes to Lance. The fandom is sensitive about Hunk’s portrayal, no doubt, no doubt- but when it comes to Lance, oh ho, they take it to an entirely new level!

Violent discourse has broken out surrounding Lance’s race, sexuality, mental state, personality, and hell, even his g*ddamn last name! I’m not at all ashamed to say, all of it has been bullsh*t. The f*ckers Lance stans of this fandom will only accept Lance one way, and that seems to be as a 100000% Cuban, 0.00000% American, Not Straight™, mentally unstable, delicately insecure flower that a) must be protected at all costs and b) crying 24/7 unless Keith is there to comfort him. Any time the show contradicts this, it’s the executive producers’ heads.

Voltron Fandom, come close… gather round the fire… I’m about to clear a few things up for you:

One, Lance is a Lady’s Man. YEAH, I SAID IT, AND I WOULD 100% SWOON IF HE USED A PICKUP LINE ON ME, SO FIGHT ME! Heh, but seriously, he likes women. And, you know what? Women like him! Almost every time he flirts with a woman, she shows interest back! …save Allura, but I think we can tell from Lance’s vlog that it’s because he genuinely likes her and doesn’t really know how else to approach her. Does that mean he’s straight? Uh oh… Uh oh… UH OH! IT MIGHT! Well, it might not. He could still be bisexual with a preference for women, which I honestly buy a lot more than him being flamboyantly attracted to both sexes. We can’t assume nothin’ until it’s outright stated, but until then, the fandom needs to be aware that Lance’s actual sexuality is pretty much up in the air.

B, Lance is Cuban. I love this about him, but when people start to throw sh*t when people headcanon him as mixed or possibly born in America or having a Western last name, it kind of ticks me off. Like, what’s wrong with being a little bit white? Does that diminish the value he may have of his Cuban roots? I’m mostly white, but does that make me not give a sh*t about my Chamorro heritage? Of course not! My mom has a Western maiden name, but that doesn’t mean she’s not Chamorro, too! If Lance had a Cuban last name, that’s so great! If he has a Western name, it’s not ‘giving in to the White Man.’ It’s probably just the result of some intermixing with Western people somewhere along his family line, and it could have been generations ago, anyway. About him being Cuban-American… Look, I think Americans can be pretty sh*tty and our country is f*cked up, but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. So there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Lance being American-born and proud to be it.

III, stop. Making. Lance. Helpless. Nnkey? I like Langst. I do. But please, administer it in moderation! Write/draw it sensibly! I’m incredibly tired of seeing Lance portrayed by fans as some unstable, immature, dependent crybaby who is unable to control his emotions or stand without the constant support of a Love Interest™ [it’s usually Keith, and as a stalwart Laith shipper, I am sick of this]. I think that, even beginning from the S1-S2 hiatus, the fandom read a bit too deeply into Lance’s impending insecurity arc, and we all got so hyped up to see it, we were disappointed when it wasn’t immediately addressed. I’ve probably said it a thousand times, but once more, with feeling: Lance’s arc will be slow-burn. We’ll get snippets of his insecurities here and there, just breadcrumbs that will lead up to the climax of his arc, and it’ll be awesome. But, the fandom needs to have patience until then. I hold faith upon faith in the creators, especially Joaquim dos Santos [Mr. Lance-Is-My-Favorite-Paladin himself], to deliver a delicately laid story unfolding around Lance that we will all love once complete, and wonder why we were ever upset.

In conclusion, I very much agree that the fandom is WAY too overly sensitive about how Lance is portrayed in-canon, and it’s actually warping their perceptions of reality. They think that they’re the only ones who know what Lance is really like, and that the writers of the actual g*ddamn show are ‘doing it wrong.’ In the show, Lance is friendly, dorky, funny, cocky, emotionally mature, perceptive, and realistic. Fanon Lance is emotionally unstable, dependent, unconfident, incapable, tortured, bullied, and underrated by his teammates. This is not to say that Canon Lance isn’t insecure and somewhat misunderstood by his friends, but he is mature in managing those insecurities and confiding in others [e. g. seeking solace with Keith, believing in Allura]. I just think Lance is a LOT tougher than his stans give him credit for, and I really love that about his arc; he won’t have to be that tough forever, and when he finally lets his barriers down, it is gonna be. Just what the doctor ordered.

ANYWHALE! I apologize for writing basically another meta in response to your ask, especially considering you sat through my whole ‘Voltron Show’ meta! I am so glad you asked, though. I know my wording here is very strong, but I think it’s better for me to be analytically bold than to be apologetically opinionated.

Seriously, thanks again for reading the meta and facilitating discussion about it; you’re an absolute dream! Sorry for being late to answer, and enjoy the rest of your ventures through fandom and meta thereupon!

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captainlenfan · 5 years ago

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New Post has been published on http://websiteshop.network/episode-436-qa-with-robb-and-nicki-29/

Episode 436 – Q&A with Robb and Nicki #29

http://robbwolf.com/2019/07/19/episode-436-qa-with-robb-and-nicki-29/

We’re here with Episode 436, Q&A #29!

Submit your own questions for the podcast at: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

If you want to see the video for this podcast, be sure to check out our YouTube channel.

Show Notes:

1. Endurance Fueling For A Keto Athlete [2:00]

Cassandra says:

Dear Robb + Nicki,

First off…thanks for the great job you two do in making complicated nutrition and fitness information easy to access and understand (even for uneducated gym rats like myself). I’ve been listening to the podcast for years, reading the blog and the books (just got Wired to Eat) and I still find myself learning something new almost weekly.

Bottom line up front – how do you guys recommend tackling post-workout nutrition for endurance / high-intensity sports while on the keto train?

I’m 35, 5’8”, 155 lbs with a fairly muscular build. I’ve been doing the Crossfit + weightlifting thing for 5-6 years now (4-6 times a week). I’ve got 10 strict pull ups, a 250 lb 1 RM back squat, a 285 1RM DL and can hold an L-sit for a minute….so I think I’m pretty strong(?) – in some aspects anyway … Strict bedtimes at 8:30 every night with 8 hours of sleep, no injuries, no severe reactions to any type of food (except tequila) – BUT I perform and look a lot better when I’m strict about paleo. I’ve been eating that way and it has been keeping me fueled really well in the aforementioned training situations.

Due to the nature of my job – active duty Marine, I am required to run a 5k every year for time…so I do incorporate running into my weekly routine – usually no more than 15-20 miles a week…long-ish runs mixed with hill sprints or pushing sleds so I don’t die of cardio boredom.

Within the past year – – due to losing a bet or being shamed into them (I can’t quite remember), I’ve also been running a few half marathons and one marathon. I plan do to one more full later this year, the Rock n Roll in Las Vegas – mostly because its an excuse to travel to Vegas with some girlfriends of mine. The low-carb/paleo diet has been awesome for my health on the weightlifting/crossfit/sprinting side of things… but I’m struggling with the endurace side of my fitness.

For my runs more than 90 minutes, I’ve been fueling with some organic stinger chewies/gels near the end of my run and then other, whole-food-type carbs at the end….bananas, berries, coconut water…sometimes gatorade, (an occasional beer :)), etc. My recovery has been OK…not awesome though (and when I take out the mid-run or end carbs, my energy tanks and my joints hurt for days)….. it takes me about me 1-2 days to get through my soreness for half marathons and almost 5 days for a run more than 22 miles WITH the intra and post-carbs.

I’ve recently jumped on the keto train in January…did your masterclass, read Mark Sisson’s book, started listening to a lot of low-carb / keto based podcasts (Shawn Baker, Fat Burning Man, etc) and just started Wired to Eat. I’ve been trying to do my own homework and listen to my body…so far this keto thing has been great! I’ve dropped about 10 lbs since the beginning of the year, have been sleeping a lot better and have seen gains in my strength. But the race season starts up in May (the LV Marathon is in November but I have smaller races and training runs scheduled throughout the summer) and I want to be prepared.

I *think* I’m generally fat-adapted…but I panic after 8 or 9 miles sometimes (the old advice of “carb loading” always creeps back in) and will suck down a terrible gel or gatorade because I’ve made the mistake of running these distances underfueled before and it was a painful, painful lesson. I have heeded your electrolyte advice. I constantly track my sodium, magnesium and potassium levels and take the recommended supplements almost every day (normally on days with a taxing WOD or a workout lasting more than 90 mins).

So what can I eat/drink to keep on the keto train that will help me recover and keep me going on some of these endurance events? Nut butters? Whey protein and water? I want to be armed when I take on Vegas this year and not completely derail my eating habits. And I’d like to start experimenting with these foods now, while I still have time to adjust.

Sorry for writing the novel! If I can find this info in a podcast or in one of the chapters of your books, please feel free to point me in that direction! I appreciate any insight you guys have. Thanks in advance,

Cassandra

2. Should I Add Fat To My Whey Protein Shake? [10:40]

Ben says:

Hi!

Love the podcast (I am one of the six listeners)! Here is my question:

I am wondering if the insulin-spike from a post-workout whey shake can stall my weight loss. Should I add fat like heavy cream or coconut milk to the shake to blunt the insulin response (if yes how much) or am I unable to burn that fat because of the spiked insulin storing it as body fat instead.

Thank you so much and best wishes from Munich, Germany

Ben

3. Portal Circulation and Leaky Gut [14:36]

James says:

Hi Robb,

Thanks for your detailed answer to my question about sun exposure in Q&A #7. You provided a clear and concise answer which is hard to come by these days!

Following your book recommendations in Q&A #6 I hungrily delved into the Lecture notes on Human Metabolism (Thanks Nikki!) and within the first chapter encountered some information that gave me reason to pause.

The portal circulation, I’m certain that you can provide a more accurate and concise explanation of this system to your listeners than I can in this question, so I’ll leave that to you if that’s okay!

My question is: given that all blood (and therefore solutes) from the intestines are drained through the portal vein and through the liver – filtering out excess substrates and removing toxins such as ammonia from the blood before it enters ‘general circulation’, how can leaky gut have such a damaging effect on the body? It seems to me that the liver is a vital backstop in this process which is never mentioned when functional medicine practitioners talk about leaky gut – they give the impression that blood drains from the intestines straight into cardiovascular circulation and these fuel substrates are clanking around in our arteries causing inflammation which seems not to be the case!

Also how does this impact the gut hypothesis of heart disease (highly simplified here) where endotoxin is said to pass through the mucosal membrane into circulation, binding with LDL cholesterol, being attacked and immobilized by immune cells and ultimately ending up being sequestered into an arterial plaque because the immune system cannot destroy cholesterol or unbind the endotoxin from it.

Would the portal circulation not remove this endotoxin from the blood before it enters cardiovascular circulation and meets LDL particles? Is this disease process driven not only by a compromised intestinal lining but also by inefficient liver function?

Thank you for your time again guys, really appreciate your input

Kind Regards

James

4. Do I Have To Sprout My Nuts & Seeds? [20:10]

Joseph says:

Is phytic acid harmful or of benefit? Is it really necessary to jump thru the hoops of soaking & sprouting before consuming nuts & seeds? thank you

5. Caloric Estimate for Young Children? [25:10]

Rory says:

Is there an estimate for calories/pound when it comes to feeding my almost 3 year old (or any child for that matter, say 2-12? The teen years of course marking the onset of self-consciousness and peer pressure, thus thwarting any biological hard-wiring toward survival.)

Or is she still young enough to be biologically incapable of starving herself, at which point I should just trust that she has normally functioning satiety signals?

I ask specifically about my daughter because, as is par for the course in ‘Murica, she received antibiotics immediately after being born, so it’s not a stretch for me to imagine that she could have some kind of gut imbalance that could cause hormone dysregulation with her leptin/ghrelin.

Where you can find us:

Submit questions for the podcast: https://robbwolf.com/contact/submit-a-question-for-the-podcast/

Transcript:

Download a copy of the transcript here (PDF)

Nicki: Don’t. Stop. Stop. We’re rolling.

Robb: We are rolling. What’s up wife?

Nicki: You know, just kind of riding the wave of chaos.

Robb: Indeed. Indeed. So, we’re in the throws of packing, getting ready to move.

Nicki: We had a nice visit from your friend, Steve yesterday.

Robb: Good friend of mine, Steve who… A 20 year military veteran flying a B1 Bomber and I got to hang out with him and we related many stories that we-

Nicki: I only met him once before, him and his wife once before, when Robb and I first met and let’s just say in the few hours that we spent together yesterday, I learned a lot about what you did as a teenager.

Robb: Yeah and most of it was probably incarceration worthy.

Nicki: There were lots of laughs.

Robb: We turned out okay.

Nicki: You guys survived.

Robb: Yep.

Nicki: Somehow.

Robb: Yep. We did. We did.

Nicki: What are you drinking?

Robb: I’m drinking a Salty Palmer, which is a black tea, Lipton ice tea specifically, with a-

Nicki: LMNT Citrus Salt.

Robb: … LMNT Citrus Salt in it and it’s pretty darn good.

Nicki: Really good. Okay.

Robb: Do you want to jump in on this thing?

Nicki: Sure. Let’s jump in. Our first question this week is from Cassandra and Cassandra wrote a very, very lengthy question and I’m just going to read-

Robb: Great detail, but it’s-

Nicki: Really wonderful detail, but I’m just going to read some sections of it. But the main gist of her question is, how do you recommend tackling post workout nutrition for endurance and high intensity sports while on keto? So let’s see here.

Nicki: Okay, so she says, “I think I’m generally fat adapted, but I panic after eight or nine miles sometimes because the old advice of carb bloating always creeps back in and I will suck down a terrible gel or Gatorade because I’ve made the mistake of running these distances under fuel before and it was a painful, painful lesson. I’ve heated your electrolyte advice and I constantly track my sodium, magnesium and potassium levels and take the recommended supplements almost every day. Normally on days with a taxing wad or a workout lasting more than 90 minutes. So what can I eat or drink to keep on the keto train that will help me recover and keep me going on some of these endurance events? Nut butters, whey protein and water. I want to be armed when I take on Vegas this year and not completely derail my eating habits and I’d like to start experimenting with these foods now while I still have time to adjust. Sorry for writing a novel.”

Nicki: So just to fill in some of the details, she has done several half marathons and a marathon and she’s wanting to do another full marathon later this year. The Rock and Roll in Las Vegas

Robb: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Mm-hmm (affirmative) and lots of great detail, so if you guys check out the show notes-

Nicki: We’ll post the full question, yeah.

Robb: … you can kind of dig into that stuff. So what one thing up front, I’m definitely not an endurance coach. We’ve dabbled in that area when we ran the gym, it wasn’t really my area of interests nor expertise. So I’m going to give some general guidelines, but I’m not an endurance coach. That said, one thing that I would recommend is following all the work from Zach Bitter. He has set multiple, I think national and world champion distances, 100 mile races, largely keto fueled, keto carnivore fueled. He drops in some carbs though. He has kind of a strategy around what he does with that. Part of what she related is she feels soreness and difficulty recovering after her hard sessions, in particular when she’s using carbs, interestingly.

Robb: This is one of the interesting things that folks that are in that keto, carnivore space seem to report they just seem to bounce back from workouts better. They don’t seem to get the delayed onset muscle soreness and all that stuff. It’s kind of funny, before we were recording this I was kind of noodling in the shower about how low carb in the context of a higher protein, like keto gain style, ketogenic diet or carnivore diet or even some of the old, original Loren Cordain protein recommendations. Even though it’s low carb technically, because you’re not eating carbohydrate as part of the diet, it’s not necessarily low glycogen.

Robb: The keto scene has gotten all freaked out about gluconeogenesis and being kicked out of ketosis, but this is all still super context driven stuff. For an individual that needs really, legit levels of ketones for say, like neurological condition or for cancer, co-treatment or something like that, then there’s a compelling reason to kind of limit protein.

Robb: But what’s interesting is that, and again I’m going to bounce around like there’s a zillion things I’m thinking about, but Charles Poliquin recommended for people who were not particularly carb sensitive, but doing high intensity training, a pretty high protein, low carb diet and then, supplemental glutamine post-workout because the glutamine was kind of a slow release way of topping off glycogen levels, both in the liver and the muscles. But that didn’t have some of the other side effects potentially of carbs and I know people are going to freak out. It’s like, “Oh, carbs aren’t the devil.” Yeah, they’re not, except when they are.

Robb: For some people like me, who still have some sort of GI problems or what have you, type one diabetics or people that are just tinkering with this stuff, there are other ways of getting reasonably good glycogen repletion, while also still staying in more of that kind of fat adapted world.

Robb: So one thing about this, we have to break this stuff into kind of training nutrition, event nutrition, post recovery nutrition. So during the event, this is definitely where she made the point that she needs to experiment with this stuff and see what’s what’s working. Again, I would kind of pun to what Zach Bitter does, as just kind of a beginning baseline.

Robb: I think that in general, if he’s doing something that’s more in that 100 mile pace, he stays pretty much fat and protein because he’s going to be going at such a gentle pace comparatively because he’s going to run for basically, like two days straight and so he just not going to get glycolytic. So, in that context then, there doesn’t necessarily need to be additional carbs or not much additional carbs to the degree that there might be a lot of elevation change or something like that. Therefore, going anaerobic, getting some glycolysis going on, then we might drop in some type of carb.

Robb: Again, you just have to play around with that stuff to see what sits well with gastric emptying and all that type of stuff. I feel like I’m just kind of bouncing around here, but it’s interesting. So, she also mentions that in the past, she was kind of worried at some point and this is where I think doing some training runs that are on the longer side and to establish like, how do you do? So she said that she panics after eight or nine miles sometimes. So there should probably be some like 12 or 15 mile runs consistently within the training block where you pressure test. It’s like, how do you feel at mile 10 through 15 with a particular type of training without necessarily doing a goo or something like that?

Robb: Even that said, there are a lot of people in the low carb space that, over the course of a day of activity like this, they may consume two or 300 grams of carbs on that day, which is still quite a bit less than what most other people are doing. But this is where there’s just a massive amount of individual variation. Again, I’m just not the most knowledgeable person on that side of things.

Robb: So, the takeaways, we don’t necessarily need to just cater towards ketosis. Don’t think about it being ketosis. Think about it being performance fueling. It may be on the lower carb side, it may be on the higher carb side. Even if it’s on the lower carb side, if our protein intake is higher, it doesn’t necessarily mean low glycogen for the body. So that can have all kinds of ramifications for recovery and nutrient intake.

Nicki: She definitely needs to make sure she’s not skimping on the protein.

Robb: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. The one caveat with that and this is where it gets really detailed, in event training, you may be, particularly if water may be a little bit limited or what have you, higher protein intake requires more water to deal with the ammonia load that’s coming out of that. But you don’t necessarily want to go super low protein because you will burn through all your branched-chain amino acids and then, tryptophan levels raise. The person will be running along and they get sleepy and they’ll literally, fall asleep and it happens a lot on a bicycle, mid run or at a minimum you lose some of that kind of motivation because you’re getting sleepy.

Robb: So this is some of the stuff again, that folks just have to play with. Like what protein level keeps you mentally alert? Because you don’t have enough branched-chain amino acids in the mix. Some people use of branched-chain amino acids as part of their training mix and stuff like that. But this is again where, it’s just super outside of my-

Nicki: Wheelhouse.

Robb: … Yeah, my wheelhouse. But those are some kind of big, broad brush strokes to consider when you’re doing this stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see here. Next question is from Ben. Should I add fat to my whey protein shake? Ben says, “Hi, I love the podcast. I’m one of the six listeners. Here is my question. I’m wondering if the insulin spike from a post workout whey shake can stall my weight loss? Should I add fat, like heavy cream or coconut milk to the shake to blunt the insulin response? And if yes, how much or am I unable to burn that fat because of the spike insulin storing it as body fat instead? Thank you so much and best wishes from Munich, Germany.”

Robb: Man. So, whenever I see someone who’s… So clearly, I would read between the lines here, that the goal is fat loss, right? If you’re in a fat loss mode, you don’t need a shake. You just don’t. You need to chew food. Three meals a day, breakfast, lunch, dinner, possibly a snack. I rarely have a snack. I eat two, sometimes three meals a day. It just kind of depends, but you don’t need a snack and you really don’t need the shake as a baseline.

Robb: That’s not really answering the question, but we noticed this within our gym based practice and I kind of felt like… And I would have all kinds of people, like Spencer Nadolsky, who are like, “Oh, shakes aren’t the devil and everything.” But I just saw people spin out and they would go from eating pretty well and then, do liquid food. Then they were hungry and then, they would end up overeating pretty consistently.

Robb: Then I started hanging out with Tyler and Luis and really watched the way that they handled things within the keto gains group and man, they could’ve made a mint linking wagons with some protein company and recommending that. Just their ethics are so sound that, what they noticed was that people who are really legitimately struggling with weight loss don’t do well with liquid food, don’t do well with shakes. They need to eat unprocessed food for the most part.

Robb: So Ben, I would one… It kind of becomes a nonissue. If we get people eating whole and processed food, it’s not really going to be a problem. That said, in the context of eating beef or whey protein and the subsequent insulin response from that, it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, whether or not that’s going to influence fat loss overall. That’s still going to be driven by total caloric load, ultimately.

Robb: Some of the things mixed into that, if we get… Like in some people, and this is where some people will tolerate more or fewer carbs. If we get a disproportionate insulin response to carbohydrates and we get a low blood sugar environment, then people are going to tend to want to eat more food. We tend to not see this when the insulin response is from protein.

Robb: And this is another piece that’s kind of interesting when people talk about bodybuilding or recovery. Proteins do release insulin and so, you’re not necessarily always in a completely low insulin environment, even though you’re eating low carb. This gets born out, when you see the flip side of the crazy keto scene, where people are limiting protein intake because they’re freaked out about the insulin response to this whole thing.

Robb: So I know that’s kind of all over the place. But Ben, I would definitely ditch the shake and once you get to a level of leanness that is fantastic and you’re training like absolute crazy, such that three meals a day don’t work then…

Nicki: Then have the shake.

Robb: … dump a shake in. I wish that shakes did as well as real food but they just don’t. It’s another one of these things where we’ve really never recommended shakes. Here and there-

Nicki: Specific situations.

Robb: Yes. Specific situations. Yeah, so I think I beat that one to death.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see. Our next question is from James on portal circulation and leaky gut. “Hi Robb. Thanks for your detailed answer to my question about sun exposure in QA number seven. Following your book recommendations in QA number six, I hungrily delved into the lecture notes on human metabolism. Thanks Nicki. And within the first chapter, I encountered some information that gave me reason to pause. The portal circulation, I’m certain that you can provide a more accurate and concise explanation of the system to your listeners than I can in this question, so I’ll leave that to you if that’s okay.

Nicki: My question is, given that all blood and therefore, solutes from the intestines are drained through the portal vein and through the liver, filtering out excess substrates and removing toxins, such as ammonia from the blood before it enters general circulation, how can leaky gut have such a damaging effect on the body? It seems to me that the liver is a vital backstop in this process, which was never mentioned, when functional medicine practitioners talk about leaky gut. They give the impression that blood drains from the intestines straight into the cardiovascular circulation and these fuel substrates are clinking around in our arteries causing inflammation, which seems not to be the case.

Nicki: Also, how does this impact the gut hypothesis of heart disease? Highly simplified here, where endotoxins is said to pass through the mucosal membrane into circulation, binding with LDL cholesterol, being attacked and immobilized by immune cells and ultimately, ending up being sequestered into an arterial plaque because the immune system cannot destroy cholesterol or unbind the endotoxin from it. With the portal circulation not removed, this endotoxin from the blood before it enters cardiovascular circulation and meets LDL particles. Is this disease process driven not only by a compromised intestinal lining but also by inefficient liver function? Thank you for your time. Really appreciate your input.”

Robb: That’s a great question and this is kind of, definitely before, oh, one question. This is kind of-

Nicki: Super advanced.

Robb: … Chris Masterjohn area. Usually, he’s the one that delves into stuff like this, but it’s a fantastic question. So for people that aren’t familiar with this, the portal circulation is the kind of circulatory loop that drains the gut and goes, as what James said, largely to liver and we do get it… This is where chylomicrons, the packages of lipids are unstitched and reshuffled and put into triglycerides and into lipoproteins. Proteins are kind of sorted and shuffle. Carbohydrates are stored at least, in part, in the liver. Then also throughout the rest of the body and that’s actually, a great example of this LPS story that James is alluding to.

Robb: What he’s asking here is a great question. In this leaky gut story, there’s this discussion around lipopolysaccharide, which is kind of the cellular identification matrix around bacteria and this stuff is incredibly inflammatory in all vertebrates. It sends the vertebrate immune system into kind of an overdrive response. But James, if we just subbed out LPS for carbohydrate, this pretty much answers the story.

Robb: So although dietary carbohydrate fills some, potentially all of the liver glycogen, there’s virtually always more that goes to the rest of the body. So although it removes some, it does not remove all. In the case of this LPS story in general, the liver should be effective. The liver in conjunction with the lipoproteins, the lipoproteins like LDL lipoproteins, LDL cholesterol, HDL cholesterol, these things bond to LPS and it tends to help in the detoxification of this substance. But if we have more LPS than what we’re really able to deal with-

Nicki: The liver handles some and the rest-

Robb: The liver handles some and then, we get the the spillover and that’s one piece of the story. Another piece of the story is that a lot of the lipid containing substances don’t go directly into the portal system. It goes into the lymphatic system and the lymphatic system then dumps in right around the aorta.

Robb: So it does make it into general circulation without going through the liver first. So that one year of medical school anatomy actually pays off every once in a while. So, this is a great question though. There are kind of two directions that the LPS story gets around the liver.

Robb: The first one is that there may just be more occurring than what the liver can reasonably detoxifying. Then the other part is the lipid constituents that end up in the lymphatic system, also end up dumped into general circulation, do ultimately make it into the liver, but that’s another spot where this stuff ends up.

Robb: Yeah, but a really good question. Lecture Notes on Human Metabolism is just an outstanding book. Really, really good. It was oriented for individuals heading towards medical school. So it was kind of, an end of their senior year. Like how to pull all the biochemistry, cellular biology, vertebrate physiology all together and make some sense of it. The MD-PhD who put that book together, he oriented a bunch of pharmaceuticals into it. He talked about statins, he talked about blood pressure mentally. It’s really an outstanding book, yeah.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see. Our next question is on phytic acid from Joseph. “Is phytic acid harmful or of benefit? Is it really necessary to jump through the hoops of soaking and sprouting before consuming nuts and seeds?”

Robb: What do you think on this wife? What’s your gut sense?

Nicki: A lot of people do find benefit when they soak and sprout.

Robb: For sure and I would throw this under the, it depends category. So phytates and even… Gosh, there’s this stuff out of rice, I want to say. Ip-6, which is kind of one of these bonding chemicals, kind of a culation type chemicals. They can be beneficial in some circumstances and they can be a bastard in other circumstances. Georgia Ede who is a psychiatrist and really incredibly knowledgeable on this stuff, has some great studies where individuals would eat something like oysters, which are very high in zinc, and you would quantify the amount of zinc in the oysters. Then the person would consume it and they would actually do some plasma zinc analysis. So they can show, “Okay, the before oyster, plasma zinc was here and post-oyster plasma…” So it’s showing that you’re absorbing it or it’s magically appearing in your bloodstream, one or the other.

Robb: Then she showed eating the same oyster meal, but with either say, fruit or corn tortillas. The fruit does not have phytates in it. The corn tortillas have quite a lot and the corn tortillas, plus the zinc source, basically made the zinc absorption zero. I mean, it just gutted it.

Robb: So this is one of these things that’s really interesting and in looking at a lot of the Weston A. Price stuff, traditional cultures bent over backwards to soak and sprout and ferment and process grains, legumes and even dairy, for the most part. So, I think that there was some really good wisdom to all that. It kind of dovetails around on another piece around this kind of emerging story around the carnivore concept and whatnot and I could make a case that… How do I want to say this?

Robb: The amount of plant material that we eat is allowable only up to the point that it displaces animal products. At some point the overconsumption of plant material could potentially cause nutrient depletion. I know this is going to be a super controversial topic, but when you look at, let’s say just things like spinach, they may contain different nutrients that may be valuable and they may look like they’re in a large amount, particularly from a nutrient density standpoint, like a percentage of folate per calorie. But the thing is, the plant based materials are not that absorbable and oftentimes have constituents in them, like phytates that are antagonistic towards their absorption.

Robb: These things can also interfere with… They’re basically protease inhibitors, so they inhibit the ability to break down protein, both plant and animal protein. So again, how important is it? I think it boils down a little bit to individual situations. But I think to the degree that people can get away with not doing this, is reflective of all the other right stuff they’re doing. Also, I think that you’re just kind of beating your system a little bit. Like there’s some pressure testing that’s occurring there.

Robb: So, if you’re going to do bread, I would do something like Ezekiel bread that’s been soaked and sprouted and all that type of stuff. A lot of people are finding these ancient grains, like the Einhorn wheat and then soaking, sprouting, doing the sourdough mix that that helps to break down the gluten and all that stuff. Although there’s some great literature indicating that not a lot of celiacs still react to the Einhorn wheat, even after it’s gone through all of that stuff.

Robb: I’ll be completely honest, even though the Weston A. Price stuff is pretty cool, I think that this is still why a lot of people are pretty fucked up in that scene. Because they’re just logistically dogmatic about having these foods and they don’t realize that even some pastured dairy may be problematic for some people. Yeah. Yeah.

Robb: So, it’s super context driven, and this is again, where if somebody has general problems or they’re just wanting to ask a question, if they may be grain, dairy or legume reactive, pull them out for 30 days, reintroduce and see how you do. But I would say that to the degree, that you process these things with these traditional methods. It’s definitely going to improve the nutrient value of those foods and it’s going to decrease the likelihood of damaging the nutrient value of other foods.

Nicki: Okay. Let’s see. Our final question this week is from Rory. He wants to know about a caloric estimate for young children. Rory says, “Is there an estimate for calories per pound when it comes to feeding my almost three year old or any child for that matter, say from two to 12? The teen years of course, make marking the onset of self-consciousness and peer pressure, thus thwarting any biological hard-wiring towards survival or is she still young enough to be biologically incapable of starving herself? At which point, I should just trust that she has a normally functioning, satiety signals? I ask specifically, about my daughter because as is par for the course in America, she received antibiotics immediately after being born. So it’s not a stretch for me to imagine that she could have some kind of gut imbalance that could cause hormone dysregulation with her leptin and ghrelin.”

Robb: Good question, but my gut sense is, Rory’s probably being a little too worried about this. Also, I don’t know how early… How old did she say?

Nicki: Three.

Robb: She said she’s three.

Nicki: Almost three.

Robb: Okay. I mean, I know there are some benchmarks out there. I think it’s something like 16 or 18 calories per pound or maybe it’s 20 calories per pound. I forget off the top of my head, but it’s a lot of calories generally. But even if you know this, then it’s like you’re going to weigh and measure their food and then, you need to weigh and measure what they didn’t eat and you need to separate out the protein, carbs, fat.

Nicki: That’s a lot of work.

Robb: It’s a lot of fucking work. The risk-reward deal, I just don’t see. Yeah.

Nicki: I think you feed them and they eat until they’re-

Robb: Full.

Nicki: … full. Especially if you’re feeding him unprocessed, real foods, they’re not going to overeat.

Robb: Right and they will generally not under eat and also, kids tend to cycle.

Nicki: They do cycle, yeah.

Robb: Zoe and Sagan, it’s funny. We don’t have a pool, but our friend has a pool and we’ve been taking them swimming. On the days when they swim, they don’t really eat that much and you’re like, “Man, they should be really hungry.” But then I tell you what, the next day, they eat everything that’s not nailed down. They just don’t want to get out of the water. So they might have an Epic bar or something like that and just kind of a little snack here and there. But they’re so excited to swim that they won’t get out and they might do a half decent dinner. But then oftentimes, they are so smoked by the end of the day of swimming. I mean, like six hours of swimming. There in the sun and all the rest of that. They don’t even really eat that much. They’re almost passing out at the table.

Robb: But then, the next day they get up and they eat everything. Which I think is a really… that’s a great… In general, kids tend to do a really good job with that. I think that this is something that, over the course of time because of my kind of power lifting background, for ages, I just kind of over ate because I felt like I needed to eat more. I finally, at almost 50, have gotten to a spot where it’s like, if I just kind of sit on my duff all day, I don’t need that much food. Then on the day where I’m real active, I may lift weights and do two hours of Jujitsu, I eat a lot of food that day and then, maybe even the following day I’m like, “Man, I’m pretty hungry.” So I end up eating more.

Robb: If we’re not eating odd foods, I think that the appetite control mechanisms are very well in place and I wouldn’t worry about a round of antibiotics displacing that stuff. It’s a great question to ask, but I wouldn’t be overly concerned about that. Anything else as a mom to cap that off?

Nicki: I don’t think so. I think it is cyclic. I mean, I think that’s fairly normal, where one day they might eat a ton and the next day it tapers off a bit. She’s not going to starve herself.

Robb: Nope. Nope. The thing that we do, we kind of make it a speed bump method. We really kind of hold the kid’s feet to the fire. It’s like, you got eat your protein and then, if you want some more of this other stuff, then we kind of open it up and that works. That works fine.

Robb: We have noticed, even within the two kids, if Sagan in particular, who seems to kind of take after me a little bit more, at least in some ways, if she doesn’t get enough protein, that kid gets cranky, real cranky. It’s just like a switch just flips and then, she’ll eat and she’s good. I think she ends up potentially, getting a little bit of these kind of blood sugar changes, if she’s not getting enough protein. So, you’ll notice a little bit of variability on that.

Robb: Whereas, I think Zoe is a little bit more like you and just a little more even keel, with regards to… She’ll eat a lot of protein, but even if she doesn’t, it doesn’t seem to affect her quite the same way. But Sagan’s also going through growth spurt, so I don’t know how much of that’s going on.

Nicki: She’s sleeping like 15 hours at night.

Robb: Yeah. Yeah and she’s just been sprouting. So that’s a whole other crazy thing to this and it’s been funny all the way along. Now that the girls are basically seven and five, the changes aren’t quite as dramatic. Maybe up to about three years old, maybe four years old, it feels like every time you kind of get dialed in on one sequence, then they change and you’ve got to rejigger things. But they still change over time and for sure right now, Sagan is growing a lot, sleeping a lot and we noticed that if she doesn’t eat well, she will get some cranky McCrankerkins going on. Yeah.

Nicki: Yeah. I think that’s a wrap for this week.

Robb: Yep. Yep. Thank you guys for the awesome questions. Enjoyed doing this, as always. Most of my activity, at least for a while, is still over at Instagram @dasrobbwolf. This episode brought to you by…

Nicki: Drink LMNT, LMNT Recharge and hope you guys are all having a great and safe summer.

Robb: We’ll talk to you guys soon. Take care.

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