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daydream-cement · 2 years ago

Note

omg are your requests indeed open??? if so, can i request a wing kink lucifer x fem!reader fic :) i am aware it's been done a couple of times now but. i am garbage and i want more ahahah the details are up to you, i just wanna see submissive lucifer *returns to my the garbage can*

Bathing Together (NSFW)

Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Author's Note: I love me some of The Wing Thing™. Thank you to THE Lucifer writer (@alexusonfire) for beta-ing this fic. ilysm.

Every move you made had the deliberate purpose of driving the Morningstar insane.

You sat positioned behind them in a grand bathtub. They were seated between your legs submerged to the sternum in the steaming water, their head thrown back in ecstasy as you ran a damp sponge across the ridges of their wings. You could tell they were still holding back as Lucifer only offered you affirming hums, their eyes remaining shut and mouth closed.

It had been your idea to bathe together. You had discovered their secret love of having their wings stroked and caressed, and since then, you were desperate to find the lengths you could go in bringing them pleasure.

Their shoulders shook as little jolts of electricity traveled through their body. With a determined gaze, you dip the sponge back in the water once more before lifting it back to their wings. When the heated sponge returned to the ridge of their wing, the Morningstar released a gasp, their whole body tensing and then vibrating in response.

Taking a risk, you venture downwards, taking the warm sponge across the membrane of their wing. You were ever so gentle in your actions, treating the wing anatomy with utmost care as it gave way lightly under the pressure of your cleaning.

After a few swipes of the sponge, you dip it back in the water and raise it to their wings to repeat the same steps as before. The Morningstar instinctually reclined back against you causing you to lean back against the stonewall of the bathtub. The pleasure they drew from your gentle caressing of this portion of their wings was more relaxing, the kind of sensation that could lull them to sleep.

You allow them to enjoy the relaxation for a few minutes, switching to their other wing when the first felt sufficiently cared for. You weren’t looking for them to sleep, however. You wanted them to be shaking and writhing with pleasure.

Dropping the sponge away from their wings entirely, you release the sponge into the water and bring your hands down beneath the surface, winding them around the Morningstar’s middle. You closed the final space between you and Lucifer, your chest pressing against their back, and your lips hovering over the crux of their wings.

Your breath skimming over their wings resulted in the angel sitting up straighter, their wings flexing in anticipation. With hands roaming to Lucifer’s breasts, you finally place your lips upon their wings, pressing a kiss to the joint of both wings. The breathy moan that escaped their lips generated a throbbing between your legs.

“Oh, little angel...” Lucifer couldn’t contain themselves, their voice shaking as they spoke.

This reaction spurned you onwards, your tongue darting from your lips to drag a long lick across the space you had kissed. The next moan from the Morningstar came out strangled, their tall form doubling over involuntarily as their wings stretched out horizontally as far as they could go.

You were sure Lucifer folding over was their attempt to avoid your mouth, not wanting to show the vulnerability that came from touching their wings.

“No, no, no, my love...” You scold, fingers finding their nipples to pinch and twist, resulting in their spine straightening back towards you. They hissed in response, not appreciating the way you so easily controlled and manipulated their body.

There you found the sweet spot, the gentle kissing and licking of any available portion of their wings while your hands kept busy with teasing their nipples. The Morningstar began to rock back and forth, shoulder and bicep muscles contracting and relaxing, causing their whole body to shake as their mind struggled to pick a sensation to focus on.

“P-please, lamb… Don’t- Don’t stop…” Lucifer’s voice quivered as they begged for more which caused you to bite your bottom lip to suppress a moan. Their sounds of pleasure were intoxicating for you as they were unlike anything you had ever heard before.

In turn, you then chose to tentatively scrape your teeth against the hardened ridge of their wing, leaving the Morningstar a complete puddle in your arms. The angel cried out, a noise that made you wonder if it was a sob.

You repeated the action, pressing your tongue to each of the spots where you scraped your teeth. Lucifer began to unravel, repeating the word ‘more’ over and over again until it became an unintelligible mumble as the words ran together. And while you couldn’t see the look on the Morningstar’s face, you would have been pleased to see the angel nearly in tears as the sensation of your mouth was almost too much for the immortal to handle.

The steady rocking of Lucifer’s hips drew your mind to something even more pleasurable for the Morningstar. Your left hand released their breast and you pushed the now free hand between their legs, fingers finding their clit with ease. The kneading of Lucifer’s breast and teasing of their clit became secondary to your mouth’s ministrations against their wings.

The warm water began lapping at the edges of the tub when Lucifer’s thrashing grew more unhinged. Their hands reached back, clawing for your thighs, grasping them tightly as they bucked their hips against your hand.

It felt as if your bodies were melding into one. Their pleasure was your pleasure.

You were struggling to get leverage over the angel, their size much greater than your own. Relinquishing their breast, you draw your hand back, shifting it up the Morningstar’s back and up around their neck, squeezing as you spoke, “Tell me what you want, my little devil.”

“Make me come, lamb… Make me come.”

You do as you are told, pressing more firmly against their clit as you circle the nub. With your hands busy, you refocus your attention on their divine wings.

You place long languid licks to the upper ridges of their wings causing your sweet Morningstar to thrash and moan in your arms. Their cries grew louder bordering on that of a scream. You were sure many of the demons outside their chamber walls could hear their master’s cries of pleasure.

The rough texture of Lucifer’s wings was delicious against your tongue, a sensation you were sure you wanted to experience again in the near future. You slid your tongue over their wings again and again, until much of the parts of their wings closest to you are shining with your saliva.

“Oh, lamb… I’m- I am about to-“ Lucifer’s words came out strangled, every fiber of their being attempting to restrain themselves from coming so soon.

There was no stopping the tidal wave about to crash over the Morningstar.

They fully unraveled before you when you opened your jaw wide, taking a portion of their wing in your mouth to gently bite down.

Lucifer’s head was thrown back, a guttural moan escaping as their nails dug into your thighs. You braced yourself against the angel, fingers gripping their throat even tighter and your left hand fingers pausing their work against their clit. Their wings spread outwards and gave a great jolt causing the water to churn wildly, spilling over the edges of the tub.

With the shuddering and shaking beginning to subside, Lucifer’s wings drew to a close and they turned over so they may gradually slip deeper into your embrace. Even while you had been romantically involved for years, this level of vulnerability with Lucifer was still incredibly meaningful to you.

Their hair had become mussed and disheveled, the frantic actions of your lovemaking and the humidity creating the amusing display.

Their head rested on your chest and you allowed yourself to draw them near, one hand coming to rest on the back of their head while the other traveled down their back, fingers dancing dangerously close to their wings once more. Their breath was still ragged. They had never experienced this level of pleasure with someone other than you.

Lucifer let out a long sigh, their hands danced up your sides so they could rest at your collarbone, “No one pleases me as you do, starlight.”

Their chest pressed against yours and your legs intertwined, generating a deeper embrace between you and the Morningstar. The slickness generated from the water created the most beautiful sensation between your bodies; enjoying time in the bath with your angel was certainly an activity to repeat again sometime.

“I am always honored you give me such control, my sweet sin…” You take a hand to their hair, combing down the flyways that marred the being’s typically flawless curls.

Lucifer only gave a pleased hum, their hand lifting from your body to gesture quickly causing a few inches of water to drain. This left you chilled, only momentarily, before the water turned back on, filling the tub with steaming water once more. It was obvious the Morningstar had no intention of exiting the bath in the near future.

As Lucifer dozed on your chest, your half lidded eyes remained trained on the black, flexing wings that hovered just above the water’s surface. Only if Lucifer knew the additional plans you had for them once you retired to the Morningstar’s bedchambers.

#gwendoline christie #lucifer morningstar #the sandman #sandman #lucifer #smut #lucifer morningstar smut #sub!lucifer #lucifer morningstar (sandman)#lucifer morningstar (sandman) x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader

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binniesthighs · 4 years ago

Text

eehee here it is the long awaited results of my chaotic ass survey about our hornies it’s so long holy heck, but I have seperated it into a couple sections to make sense of it all (omg if you read all of it lemme give you a kith teehee) ahhhh lol its SO nerdy haha but i hope that ya enjoy nonetheless! ✨

In this essay, I will....(hahah jk jk this is just all for fun)

1. Demographics Analysis

2. Polls on Fic Content

3. Member Specific Analysis

4. Deep Dive into the Juicy Questions (Confessions)

5. General Thoughts and Conclusion

6. Cute shit that ya’ll said that made me giggle

*Unpopular opinions will be made into their own post to give them ample space and analysis!

Other Notes:

Out of 100 individuals surveyed, 44 were readers, 2 were only writers, and 54 were both readers and writers.

Statistical significance can be effected by sampling, selection, and response bias (yeah i took a stats class teehee) and personal biases

All the the opinions and other analysis presented by me (Ro/binniesthighs) are purely my own oponion and are not factual. you are entitled to interpret all of this information however you like! Anything that i analyze is not definitive!

while this survey is mostly about stay smutblr, i hope that it can also maybe serve as a template for other fandoms as well with the more general questions! this is a survey for everyone!

i’d love to hear about what you think about anything presented in this analysis! feel free to send me an ask or comment! reposting is permitted within tumblr or on other platforms if proper credit is given! ❤️ (uwu hehe if you could please help me spread this i would appreciate it so much! i worked really hard on her 🥺)

1. Demographics Analysis:

Gender Identities of those Surveyed

~My thoughts: this really came as no surprise to me considering how the majority of kpop fans (especially boy group fans) identify as female! Seeing as I am a Stray Kids/Seventeen blog (both of them boy groups) it makes sense to me that my readers would mostly identify as female!

Another important thing to note (from a writer standpoint at least) is the wide array of identities that we still have present within the general audience of stay smut blur (SSB)! I’ll get into this later when i discuss favorite pairings to read, however i think that this gives us one more reason to write for a diverse audience of readers who can identify with different types of self-insert fics!

Top Five:

Female (81%)

Non-binary/gender non-conforming (13%)

Changes by the day (6%)

Male (4%)

Demiboy/Demigirl (3%)

Sexual Orientation of those Surveyed

Other identities mentioned:

????, unlabeled, aromatic bisexual, bicurious, demisexual, “just liking who i like”, experimenting, heteroflexible, sapiosexual, depends day by day, “i just like anyone”

~My thoughts: okkkkk i see us gays of SSB 😏 these demographics were really exciting for me to see! i think that it’s super cool that we have such representation across the board when it comes to sexual orientations present in our community! As someone who personally identifies as pan, this was super comforting to see that there are so many others like me in this little space of the internet! I think it’s safe to say at least from my lil survey that all the bi cuties out here own SSB 💗💜💙

From a literal standpoint, it also makes sense to me that heterosexuality is strongly present as well considering that often the pairs that we read are male idol x female reader so this is the perfect niche!

Top Five:

Bisexual (40.8%)

Heterosexual (26.5)

Pansexual (17.3%)

Queer (7.1%)

Asexual (4.1%)

Stay Creators!!

~My thoughts: this one i was THRILLED at seeing oml hahaha and i was so interested to see that this was nearly an even split!

I think that there’s something to be said about how sometimes we can take our hobbies: (movies, videogames, books, kpop, anime etc)--all things which we really like in totally normal and healthy ways but also kinda like....get hornies about them too? if that makes sense? for example, i have a friend who really likes certain video games/characters from these games as a fan and he’s shared with me that he also doesn’t mind watching porn containing those same characters! (ahahah ya all know what i mean don’t even lie haha)

what this question proved to me as that there are stays out there who practice “being a stay/being a stay creator” who also are interested in the more...horny side of this hobby/interest 😂

what is even more interesting to me is who i wonder if i’ve have consumed any of ya’ll’s content while you have consumed mine??? this i am DYING to know aha but it think its best for all of us to stay anonymous teehee ;)

either way, good on ya for doing what ya do!! you are so so treasured in this community too!! <3

2. Polls on Fic Content (a long section lol)

Favorite Pairing to Read

*other options selected were rankings of favorite pairings so i just added each of them as an entry to the respective category mentioned.

Top Five:

Idol x female reader (69%)

Idol x gender neutral reader (19%)

Idol x reader x Idol (poly r/ship) (14%)

Idol x reader, Idol x reader (threesome, not much interaction between the two idols) (8%)

~My thoughts: once again, this category was pretty self explanatory to me considering that the majority of readers are female identifying, so it would make sense that they would prefer to read smut that aligns with their identity! This is also super present anyway of SSB as i do feel like the majority of writing pieces that I do come along are idol x female reader, and most authors too often disclaim that they are the most comfortable writing this type of pairing as well.

What’s signficant as well is the interest in reading fics with gender neutral reader self inserts as well! this is my personal philosophy when it comes to writing (specifically with requests) but i think that writing gn!reader is always the safest bet to go as to not make assumptions about readers! for writers i think that seeing this 19% is something important to take into consideration!

An outlier to me with this demographic was the “poly r-ship” poll garnering a notable 14% in comparison to the idol x idol option which got 10 less votes (4%). what is a little confusing to me about this is how poly r/ships often (but not always) contain idol x idol content, however there is discrepancy with the amount of readers outright saying that they enjoy reading it alone. I’ll get into poly fics later with the unpopular opinions section--however i wanted to plant the seed here hehe. One other caveat to this is the fact that on SSB i feel like idol x idol content is really in the minority and is much more present on a platform like AO3 so this could be another explaination!

What is kinda cute to me is the fact that readers do really like poly r-ship dynamics more than a threesome (as i defined it, “with less interaction”) so this makes me feel like we are all saps for the fluff that comes with poly r-ship fics ;)

Favorite Kind of Smut to Read

male idol smut (67%)

i read both! (female and male idol smut) (25%)

depends on my mood (7%)

female idol smut (1%)

~My thoughts: Again, this is super expected to me as well considering the above statistics. Since i am a skz blog (a boy group) --as are my moots-- it really makes sense that those who filled out this survey would be into male idol smut!

what was cool for me to see as well was the number of readers who also read female idol smut as well as male idol smut! personally, i more predominately a fan of boy groups compared to the amount of girl group content that I consume (note: i do also consume gg content). because of this, i think that its really up to personal preferences and the content that you consume that can be reflective of the smut content that you consume as well and ya know, whoever gets your hornies going ;)

Favorite Genres...Ranked!

*so this was my fault lol i totally formatted this question poorly in google forms so i’ll try to summarize the most popular rankings with my words haha

*bc of the way that i miffed it (lol) i wasn’t able to get exact measurements, but rough ones!

Top Five:

Smut, fluff, angst

smut n’ fluff (with specific emphasis angst is not desired)

smut, angst, fluff,

fluff, smut, angst,

angst, fluff, smut

~My thoughts: by far, the most popular ranking that i saw was as follows: smut, fluff, angst. i saw this sososos many times haha also...ya’ll got really creative with your rankings and it made me giggle hehe. So! seeing as this is stay smutblr haha makes total sense that the three most popular rankings that we have were lead by smut! since we’re here for the hornies, i totally get this.

as for the “smut n’ fluff” or “fluffy smut” category, there was a decent amount of readers that expressed that this mixture is their fave! i’m kinda looping this with the “mixture” option that i also provided for this question since this was the most popular mixture that i was able to observe along with angst + smut. interestingly, i saw a couple mentions of “hurt/comfort” fics with this question too so this went well with this preference. as for number three on this list, we dip into that smut + angst category that I just mentioned as well. there were several individuals who said that they really really enjoy reading smut with angst!

lastly we get to the four and five on the list: four being fluff, smut and angst. i think this category can also properly represent the folx who tend to like more fluffy fics over the smutty ones, but that can also have suggestive themes too! in five, we have angst, fluff and smut which also is representative of another theme that i saw: as far as plot goes, several people mentioned that they liked fics that start with angst, get fluffier, and then end up in smut, so i think that this could be easily compared!

*there were also several readers who simply said “all of them” or opted not to rank, (lol me) so this really shows the variability in results!

Cute stuff ya’ll said (kind of out of context too LOL)

“... hehE I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE.”

“...I KNOW IT [my ranking] LOOKS TERRIBLY SPECIFIC AND IM SO SORRY and I guess the better way to describe that was one that has all 3 with a happy ending lol my b my b.”

“ ...it just depends on the mood my dude.”

“... (the smut doesn’t have to be soft i just want the relationship to be soft and i want aftercare and general affection).”

“(but almost no angst oops)”

“angst honestly makes me so sad.”

“... but long fics with angst and slow burn smut/fluff is just WOW.”

“ my favourite thing is when it's fluffy smut tbh with a little bit of angsty backstory. that is *chefs kiss*”

“(I'm a sucker for good angsty fics but I cant seem to find them???)”

“Smut, Fluff, Angst (I tend to be a bit of a purist so no mixture here).”

“(i can't read pure angst lol) “

“(I love how much plot there is in angsty fics but I personally can't read anything without a happy ending, i just can't take it)”

“ i literally couldn't rank them bc my mood is always changing lmaooo.”

“ smut, fluff, angst. i know what i’m about.”

Favorite Length of Fics

Top Five:

5k-8k words (27%)

2k-4k words (25%)

1k-2k words (20%)

10k-20k words (15%)

20k words (12%)

~My thoughts: this one was super helpful for me to see!! and writers i hope that this is helpful for you too! as someone who tends to rambles (lol) it was very comforting for me to see that long-ish fics are actually preferred! what is really cool about this data too is that it is all super well balanced for the most part and nearly edqual in some parts! how i see this, i think that when it comes to preferences of length, its really reader specific so anyone could like anything! this goes into a little bit the slow burn question that i asked as well too, but it’s really cool to see that when readers do read, they kinda like something to sink their teeth into!

i wanted to look into how long it takes you to read these words, and it appears that on average, a 5-8k fic can take someone 30 mins to read whereas a 2-4k fic takes about 15mins! idk if this says something about attention spans, but as a writer it warms my heart to know that you’re willing to spend 30 minutes of your time reading something that i wrote! 🥺

another thing i wanted to bring up is the “hard and fast” smut readers--those who like to get straight to the point, get right to business and to the juice! they are also a decently large group too! as for readers who like a nice long fic or a chaptered fic, they are super close in numbers! from this, it’s safe for me to assume that maybe those who like reading longer fics are more inclined to strap in for the long haul with chaptered fics too!

Favorite AUs to Read

*the top category that got cut off (thank you google forms lol) is friends to lovers! the one that says “...love” at 48% is enemies to lovers, and the one that has a blanked out title at 35% is strangers to lovers!

Top Five:

friends to lovers (65%)

enemies to lovers (48%)

high school/college au (40%)

roommates/neighbors to lovers (38%)

strangers to lovers (35%)

Other AUs mentioned by you!

office au, royal au, vampire au, fake date, idol au, slice of life, boarding school au, childhood friends, soulmate au

~My thoughts: ok ok so this was RAD to see! i often wonder myself the kinds of aus that my readers would like to see so this was really helpful! circling back on how readers tend to favor fluff n’ smut (friends to lovers) and angst n’ smut (enemies to lovers) i think that we’re seeing some more themes here teehee.

i like to think that since most of us are of the college age, the college au is super relatable therefore we really like to read it! not to mention that college and high school au’s are super duper cute as well! this is also relatable to the roommates/neighbors to lovers category which is also relatable to us who may or may not have experienced having a roommate or crush on the cutie next door ;) as a couple readers mentioned, they liked more “slice of life” au’s--which both of these categories fall into! i think we as readers like scenarios that feel the most real to us, bc they are the easiest to insert ourselves into :)

fantasy and thriller, action, more “fiction” tropes are in the minority, however i think that this can be for the exact same reason as i mentioned above where readers like more relatable scenarios.

Opinions on Slow Burn Fics

~My thoughts: during polling of this category, this pie cart stayed basically the same the whole time!! that was pretty cute to see! the important take aways from this survey for me is the fact that slow burn fics are generally really loved! again, lol as someone who writes big ol’ long slow burn fics this made me feel a lot better hahaha basically, the general consensus is that slow burn fics are welcome most of the time, however some readers might need to invest a little more time into them! this is also very easily comparable to the above statistics on the length of fics preferred (longer ones being the ones more popular) so here’s a lil more supporting evidence!

3. Member Specific Analysis

Bias Survey

Top Five:

Chan (19%)

Changbin (18%)

Hyunjin (16%)

Jisung (15%)

Minho (14%)

~My thoughts: ok ok ok so this is where it starts getting JUICY hehe (also i apologize once more for making you pick LOL)

the reason why i asked this question was because i wanted to see if there was a correlation with biases and if there was a probability that members who had more people biasing them (or popularity I guess) were more likely to be read more in smut fics! AND I WAS RIGHT haha isn’t this so fkn cool??? (see more in the next section!)

for comparison, i went to kprofiles to see their little survey on bias popularity and their top five.

Kprofiles Top Five:

Hyunjin (15%)

Felix (14%)

Chan (12%)

Minho (11%)

Jisung (11%)

SO oh my god my nerd brain is loosing it over this REE so, what i should note that is those who took this survey on my blog are likely generally different based off of the fact that they are here to read smut specifically, rather than the general holistic popularity survey. It is for this reason that we see Felix much higher on this list and Changbin much lower too (as we know Felix is really well known generally and globally and there are *generally* fewer Bin biased fans). What was really interesting to see what that with Hyunjin, Chan, Jisung and Minho, they still all stayed within the top five! Soooo what i’m saying is.... all of you Hyunjin, Chan, Jisung and Minho fans really must like your smut 😏 and I think that it’s safe to assume that the majority of hard stans come from these four members too ooP (and of course our Binnie too! ;) i see all of ya’ll 👀)

Members That Get Our Hornies Going

~My thoughts: AHH DOESN’T THIS LOOK SO SATISFYING? I’M SO PROUD OF HER!!!

First off, i would like to acknowledge the all mighty power of Bang Christopher Chan for pooling this most hornies god DAMN while i kind of expected this, it is also evidenced in the fics that i write! recently i’ve been tracking the number of notes that my Chan hard thoughts get in comparison to other members and the differences are usually ASTRONOMICAL. He is most def the most popular member for smut for several different reasons, lowkey bc i think that it’s kind of part of his brand?? hahaha if ya know what i mean?

As for preference from Minho on, we can see a super obvious trend that as age order decreases, we get less and less interest for reading for the member. I’m fairly inclined to believe that this has to do with the fact that most often fans (especially fans older than skz) have a harder time seeing the younger members in a sexual way, so the lack of interest totally makes sense here! As referenced above too, we found that the oldest five members (Chan --> Jisung) are the favorites for smut reading which we can see here as well when the numbers really drop after Felix (Felix coming in at 6th place on my “popularity” survey).

Bc of these statistics, i do really feel like as a reader, i tend to see much, much more fics involving our top five! As for Seungmin and Jeongin, I’ve also seen people state that they do not read or write content for these two members bc they do not feel as comfortable, so this can also explain the lack of content. Also as we have heard many times, Jeongin is a bit of a hot topic lol within the SSB community, so this makes sense that his readership would be low as well.

4. Deep Dive into the Juicy Questions (aka confessions)

Is the fact that you read smut a seggsy secret?

~My thoughts: JUICE TIME JUICE TIME

Before I say anything, i wanted to tell you all how all of the juicy questions were totally optional, but i got 100% participation for every single one of them which if find HILARIOUS i guess you all are just as curious as i am?? ;)

So! for this question, we have an overwhelming amount of readers who said that only their closest friends know which is so cute to me! i love how we can trust our friends with this hehe. i also fall into this category bc like, it’s lowkey kinda fun to talk about? maybe also the fact that i run a smut acct makes me care a little less about it all hahah

secondly, we have the rather large group of people who said that they wouldn’t dare to tell anyone which is also sooo cute haha idk how to explain it but this was the category that i started out in too until i found the right people! But i totally get ya, reading smut--especially-- kpop smut-- can be embarrassing or cringey to share (not to mention that it is somewhat morally grey LOL) so this is really understandable!

also my fkn hats off to all of you who said that you didn’t care about who knows that you read smut. here, you dropped this: 👑 you’re much braver than i could ever be.

When you read smut, do you really feel the hornies?

~My thoughts: ok, so this one to me was also very interesting for me to see as well! (also if you get uncomfy reading about personal masturbation habits you can skip this one lol)

the reason why i asked this question was because i wanted to see if people “get off” by reading smut (whether reading it turns you on, or if you choose to use it for “material” to get off on however this might look, might be more of a mental simulation without any real like, physical getting off) candidly, I use smut to get myself off every once and a while, so i wanted to see who else might be in the same group! since becoming a writer however, i read much less and reading it doesn’t hit the same when i was just a reader bc i have a different perspective of being the one writing the smut so i look at it more analytically--i digress.

it was exciting (teehee get the pun?) for me to see that others also “get off” on smut too--and that they are the majority! teehee it is an honor for me to provide you with the hornies LOL. at the same time, we still have a large group in the “don’t take to seriously” category which was interesting to me too! i can’t speak for these readers, but i interpreted these kind of readers to be the kind who read smut to imagine the scenes and are like “hm, that’s hot, i like thinking about this.” but it doesn’t extend much outside of these thoughts.

What is the most popular position pairing we like to read?

*smaller slices of the pie represent multiple favorites which i also seperated back into the categories corresponding to get the best count into what was the most preferred.

Actual Breakdown:

dom!idol // sub!reader (51 votes)

switch!idol // switch!reader (32 votes)

subidol! // dom!reader (11 votes)

all of the above (5 votes)

depends on my mood (2 votes)

~My thoughts: i feel as if there is a bit of a conflict between which position really is “the best” and while we really can’t know the answer to this question since everyone has different preferences, we can at least find out which one is the most popular to be consumed!

again, going off of the content that I also see as a reader, i see TONS of dom!idol fics, like, left and right. also, if i may come for all of our necks, 👀 but...there’s really something to be said about the fact that the majority of readers are female and historically and socially, women are typically socialized to be submissive, so i can see why this would be why we would favor this among fics--this is even further evidenced by the fact that male idol smut is also preferred, thus further perpetuating the fact that women have been socialized to be submissive to men specifically. i’m not saying that this is the end all be all reason that this trend is present, but i merely offer it as a possible explaination. this is a much larger sociological conversation, but i think that this trend also showed itself in the types of smut that readers seek out as well--according to demographics.

sub!idol fics are few and far in-between, and i think that this can also be for the exact same reason as i talked about above!

When you read smut, do you pick faves to read for?

~My thoughts: what’s cool about this question is the fact that the “half and half” nature of it also resembles what we saw in the section for favorite members to read! As we see in that chart, 41 out of 100 people said that they read everyone, similar to this question where 48 out of 100 people said that they read for everyone. What this proves to me once more is that when it comes for reading fics, there's a 50/50 chance that the reader will look at, and read it based off of who it is about alone. This is a really powerful statistic, meaning that the members who that a writer might write for really dictates their readership! At the same time, it’s super comforting to know that regardless of what you as a writer might write, there’s always someone out there who is willing to read it! (as evidenced by the 52% of people who read for anyone! this is still a large number)

Readers: Do you only use Tumblr for smut?

~My thoughts: when i first started out reading smut, i was in the “i just look up skz smut” group LOL so i wanted to see again if there was anyone like me--which there is! This was more of my interest in seeing if some people view tumblr as “their smut dealer” AHA so that my initial motivation. I was surprised to see that this is not the case! out of 100 readers, 39 of them have their own non-smut blogs and the second largest group of 26 people use tumblr for smut exclusively.

idk why, but when thinking of this question, it really got me thinking back to the question where i asked if reading smut is a seggsy secret, and there was the group of people who said that it is for them--i’m assuming that these people might be part of the group have non-smut blogs and read on the side teehee.

at the same time, there is a combined 40 people who said that they use tumblr for smut purposes only which makes sense to me, as those who filled out my survey are readers of my smut blog if you catch my drift haha

Writers: Do you read smut, or just write it?

*56 responses correlate with those polled who identified as writers/both as mentioned above

~My thoughts: this survey is really really cute for me to see bc it means that there is a whole support network or writers out there reading, supporting and here to hype other writers work!! if anything, as a writer because it takes so much time to write, it can become hard to find time to read, hence the “when i have time option lollll (*cough cough* me LOL) thank you all for your honesty with this question!

5. General Thoughts and Conclusion

Survey on Exposure

~My thoughts: i kinda wanna close off this survey by getting on my soapbox for a sec lol. At least for me, the most common ways that readers found my blog were: looking up a tag, and from a repost. i think that this really goes to show the power of exposure and certain tactics that you can use to increate readership of your account! new readers, if you’re reading this and you’re just starting out, tagging your stuff is so so important!

also, as i have said and so so, many other content creators have said countless times before, reposting is so crucial and it takes little to no effort to repost a creators work so that it might reach others! as a writers, we spend hours, and i mean hours creating content, editing, drafting, creating headers all out own time to publish something that we are proud of and for you to enjoy! it means the world to authors when you reblog their work and even more when you give feedback too because this is our passion! we write for free in the middle of our busy lives so the validation makes it all worth it!!

Conclusion

~phew! so that’s it! once again, i wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart from participating in this lil study! i really hope that it is helpful to writers and readers alike! i wanna give ya all the biiiiiigest Ro huggies!! 💕💕

as i mentioned above, the answers for the unpopular opinions will be made into their own post bc there is a ton of them and i didn’t want to clutter up this doc lol

don’t ya ever forget that you are important, loved, and special! happy hornies my cuties ;)

~R 🌹

6. Cute shit that ya’ll said that made me giggle (and hopefully makes you giggle too)

~you all are the light of my life!! each of these comments brought me so much happiness and i love you all so fkn much for that!! also, to those of you who said, “Ro date me” PLZ haha i will date you too!!! too all of the super sweet comments about my writing, thank you so so very much and thank you for reading! it means so much to me!! to all of the i love yous, ahhhh i love you toooooo 💕

“I DUNNO IM BAD AT FUNNY STUFF BUT KNOCK KNOCK I GUESS? -whos there

-ro who

Me, in chan voice: RObber ducky you're the one

yeah...

yeah

bYE”

“ I didn’t know changbin’s thighs were of such importance until I saw your username but now?? 👀 I am looking respectfully.”

“ every time chan doesn’t reply to my bubble message i hold my breath and try to die💆‍♀️”

“ here are my favorite emoji combos: 😐☝️ 😫🖐️ 😂🤏 (i use that one when i get a dick pick and it's rlly small but the person thinks its big-) “

“ you are EVIL for making me choose just ONE bias OT8 EXISTS OK!?”

“ I hope this survey provides you with a lot of useful feedback! -sincerely a big tiddie committee member (you know the one)” [hehe yes i do hai M ;)]

“ chan’s tiddies... that’s it.”

“jeogiyo noona hokshi namjachingu isseoyo?“

“ Jeongin is appropriately baby bread because his face is puffy in the morning so it's kinda like yeast rising 👉👉 “

“ someone needs to tell hyunjin to put some vaseline or something on his cuticles like I love him a lot but his recent live made me scream sir your cuticles are hanging on for dear life please I'm literally begging you “

“ I squeal whenever I get a notification from you and my family think I’m secretly dating someone. It’s nice knowing that they think I can get someone during a pandemic 😁 “ [this one had me SENT]

“i hope ur dreams are blessed with skz thighs.”

“ HS Bin supremacy!!”

“Sta”

“Ro(ses) are red, violets are blue - DaVinci painted Mona, cause he couldn't find you :') “

“✨ dInG dOnG ✨ “

“You're doing God's work as a changbin stan xD “ [thank you so much aHA]

“damn gorl, are you a wifi signal? cause i’m tryna connect 🤔🥴✌🏾 “

“Good luck with your survey! I hope you get a big response! You know what else is big..?

Chan's feet. (I'm sorry, that was my attempt to make you giggle but I'm clearly not a comedian)”

“What's the internal temperature of a taun taun? Luke warm! (Haha sorry star wars joke) “

“egg“

“just because you’re garbage, doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot <3 “

“Soft-Dom Minho Agenda is the best agenda. I have spoken. Sincerely yours, Javi (@itsapapisongo) “ [this is the way javi]

“Bang chan daddy supremacy”

“ro, ro, ro your boat gently down skz’ dick hell yea.” [this also had me SENT]

“stay smut writers should take “maknae on top” literally“

“idk man i’m just vibing. hope ur day is going well. (changbin voice) da DA da”

Fin.

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @chaangbin @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

#PHEW #haha this was so fun!!#binniesthighs helpdesk #skz smut #stray kids smut #kpop smut #bang chan smut #lee minho smut #changbin smut #hyunjin smut #han jisung smut #felix smut #seungmin smut #jeongin smut

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washymylifeaway · 4 years ago

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SunaOsa fanfic recs,,, well writer recs LOL

HI! Can you tell I’m excited? Well I’m very excited! I have been stuck in SunaOsa hell for the longest time and I enjoy it very much down here :D Come join me, you won’t regret it LOL. But seriously, I love SunaOsa and I meant to do fics, but then the sheer number of writers I had compelled me to make a post for them ahahah.... I’m here to finally prove to everyone that I am actually in love with SunaOsa and that I have not been lying to you all LOL (ik no one actually cares, but it’s an important matter to me). LEGGO!

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

Each author is DIRECTLY linked to their SunaOsa works LOL. I actually didn’t think about this until now, and I didn’t know it’d work but here we are LOL. Whooooh internet :D Also, ignore that some of these writers have like less than 3 fics for SunaOsa,,,,,, I like their writing, okay? :’))))

I’m gonna preface this with I love all of these writers (if I didn’t, they wouldn’t be here) but I can only come up with so many ways to say I WOULD DIE FOR THIS WRITER and THEY WRITE BEAUTIFULLY so to save you from recursion, preface.

LINK TO MY SUNAOSA ML :D

DeathBelle // one I haven’t recommended and this one also got finished semi-recently, An Inconvenient Espionage by DeathBelle (E) 26.6k // a SPY AU! Where Osamu and Atsumu are separated due to necessity over anything else really, and both absolutely hate their partners :) I love their interactions as the fic progresses and how do you accidentally fck somebody? READ TAGS AND WARNINGS, SMUT!

tookumade // because I really can’t rerecommend the same mf fic for the 2384230 time (and cause this one deserves some love), colours in the dark by tookumade (G) 1.3k // an injury recovery fic :D The focus on the fic is on the recovery and the relationship more than anything, but I just love it so much! This is such a comfort fic, and I love their back and forth banter (but it’ll make you feel really single LOL).

rosegoldwriting // sjdkhjdslhf I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVEN’T RECOMMENDED THIS ONE ANYWHERE WHAT come on with the rain by rosegoldwriting (T) 6.5k // SOULMATE AUUUU! I love my soulmate AUs and this was no exception :D Also I love singing in the rain (it’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but ik it’s a great movie), and ngl I agreed with Suna,,,, kissing in the rain just feels like it’ll be wet... Regardless, I love the ending and I love this fic too so :) (also ryan gosling cameo LOL)

bastigod // A COLLECTION OF FICS cause I love them and I haven’t recommended this yet :0, i've got you in the end i wish i had you from the start by bastigod (T) 8.2k // this is a collection of 7 one shots for sunaosa week! I loved the prompts for that week, and I loved each and every single fic on this list :D They’re all so freaking good and my favorite chapter was ch 3 hands down ljdfadjsf it’s GREAT :D

pancake_surprise // CAUSE CHOCOLATE and honestly the dove wrappers are say some stupid things sometimes like who’s writing these LMFAO, Melt with You by pancake_surprise (G) 2.8k // Osamu is doing what any sane person does with dove chocolate advice, he follows it. Not that it has any good advice, but I mean ig it worked? Trust the process? Anyway, I agreed with Atsumu in this (LOL) but hey it ended cute and I think that’s all that matters :’)

badreputation // OKAY THERE’S ONLY TWO BUT I LOVE BOTH WHAT YOU GONNA DO? FIGHT ME?????? (pls don’t, I’ll lose) Take a hint by badreputation (T) 5.4k // UGH I LOVE THIS ONE! One of the first SunaOsa fics I read and one I keep rereading! I absolutely agree with the fact that Osamu is a Neanderthal and I love food as a love language (feeding me would make me swoon over you, however, if you WERE flirting with me, I would not know LMFAO).

minie_ai // again, only two but like I said what you gonna do about it >:( And I'll Feed You Again by minie_ai (G) 7.3k // MYTHOLOGY cause Suna is a cute fox who causes problems LOL. Also, I love the setting it’s in (ik random, but I wanted to put it out there :D). And SPAM NUMBER made me laugh (maybe my humor is a little too broken) but idk I just thought it was really funny akjshflkjasd.

miyarinnnn // PLEASE not everyone clowning them,,,, someone smack off the stupid grin I have on from reading it :)))) Call it passive or aggressive by miyarinnnn (T) 10.4k // OMG this fic was so much fun to read!!!! I loved how there was the Osamu + Omi bonding moment and the BONUS AT THE END AOSFJOIAS,,,,, There’s like a slight smut scene, but other than that, Osamu is the sappiest man ever. Yeah, it was really funny and cute and I had a great time reading it :D

sketchedsmiles // honestly, I have no words because I was like no way this would happen, but then the a/n and yea anyway double vision by sketchedsmiles (T) 18.3k // I do wanna know how this worked irl, but that’s beside the point LOL. This is why communication is key, but I mean ig I can’t really blame Suna LMFAO. The situations are just tailored so well to misunderstandings and every time is a near miss :’))))). But also shout out to beer pong king Osamu LOL.

sieges // parallax if you want some hanahaki, the art of keeping up by sieges (T) 12.3k // I actually did watch this movie (though you don’t need to in order to read this LOL) and I was really surprised cause I didn’t think anyone would’ve made a fic based on it! Honestly, I don’t think I would ever be able to agree to help my crush write a love letter to their crush, so props to Suna (lol maybe I’m just lame like that okay?) :’D

sifuhotman // even if you don’t wanna read it, go look at the photo at the very end, Paint by Numbers by sifuhotman (T) 5.3k // jealous Osamu because Suna stares at Atsumu LOL. BUT the discount combee comment make me cackle because I CAN SEE IT AJFKAFFJSA (esp with the picture provided, it’s been burned onto my brain). I like this fic because it has some cute twin moments and I love their relationship! (BUT THE COMBEE AFIOJOD.)

SilverMoonT // I love his cat, atypical confession by SilverMoonT (G) 15.5k // I’ve said this before, but I’m not a big fan of body switching fics. HOWEVER, I am a big fan of this,,, say what you want idc idc it’s a good fic. I love the Suna Akaashi best friend agenda in this, and I fully support it :D

spiritscript // I almost sent you all to angst town ahahah,,, maybe I should LOL,,,, two drinks by spiritscript (T) 4k // I saw the instagram post and then OF COURSE I had to come read the fic itself! And like the panic ordering is hilarious as well as the misunderstandings LOL. It’s a wild ride with a lotta coffee Suna doesn’t like LOL. BUT THE ENDING IS CUTE and no kiss kiss cause consent is important :)

lunarins // YES I LOVE THIS ONE JKASJD you taste like strawberries on a summer evening by lunarins (T) 4.4k // I LOVE THIS ONE! I adore all the character cameos that happen (POOR SHIRABU) and THE ENDING AJHFKSJA. I love the ending. Also the food explanation by the writer was really cute and creative!!! (and I love how Osamu tells us what love taste like JADSJK!)

unrequitedangst // 3 fics but I love them all, working backwards till it rhymes by unrequitedangst (T) 4.2k // I love this fic, like loveeee. The plot is funny (I love pushing in the right direction to figure things out) and the way they plot against Atsumu is hilarious. Like gotta make sure that this makes him angry, yes.

sunablinks // there’s also only 3 fics so you should read all three :D, Cherry Bomb by sunablinks (T) 5.4k // CHECK TAGS AND WARNINGS cause they drink a lotta alcohol! But this fic is just Osamu being a mess and everyone makes some very bad decisions. Also, poor Meian san having to dead with their poor decision making skills LOL.

Surprisingly enough this didn’t take that long...... Like I think this is the fastest I’ve ever made a list,,,, Anyways, revelations aside, I had a lotta fun making this list cause like I’ve been saying, I’m in love with SunaOsa. They also definitely have some of the MOST tooth rotting fics I’ve ever read before (physical pain because of the fluff), so if you’re into that, you don’t have to look too far :)

Also sorry for not being super active in terms of new content, but this might continue through next week cause I’m getting busier :( Hopefully not though!

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sadistic-second · 5 years ago

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HOW I RUN MY BLOG.

SPEED: What is speed? I’d like to believe things are done as quickly as possible. Written word says that I’m pretty quick about things, 1-3 days tops. But if you’ve ever actually heard be vocalize my “speed” then well. :fingerguns: I’m a lazy piece of shit. So, that being said, depending on motivation levels that I currently possess, that reveals the speed in which I operate things here. But a good baseline is still 1-3 days.

REPLIES: For starters, I use thread tracker for all the threads I currently possess. And if I haven’t replied to something then I sincerely apologize. I am not ignoring you. I either fucked up tracking it (which I’ve done before) or something happened to the tracker itself. I know it had some issues recently. Can’t recall if it got fixed or not, but I know for a fact it fucked some of my replies up.

On that note, if I have taken longer than seven (7) days to reply to something, hit me up. Let me know. Either the tracker or I fucked up and I need to be told. As stated above, I usually take 1-3 days to reply to things. So if it has been at least that long and you’re still waiting on me for something, chances are the above happened.

You’d never know it by looking at the lengths of most (all?) my roleplays here, but I am a novella roleplayer at heart. Love me some details, bro. Setting scenes, getting the atmosphere just right, making sure you know for a fact what I’m doing at any given moment. Why? I dunno. That has a story in and of itself that will not be disclosed here.

But don’t let that discourage you. I am adaptable and I can be flexible to what my partner needs/wants. Will I get carried away sometimes? Absolutely. Do you have to panic and try and match? Not at all. You do you. I’ll do me. We’ll work it out, don’t worry.

STARTERS: Don’t at me, I already know I’m stepping into a baited trap.

Starters are nice. However, they take time to write and think up. That being said, if I’m writing it, you best believe it's tailored to you specifically. Though I do enjoy at least a basic idea discussion beforehand so I know what direction I’m supposed to take this, I can wing that shit like no tomorrow. Again, not that anyone would know since I haven’t exactly, uh . . . Done it yet. Rest assured, I have the list. I will be doing something eventually.

You can also tag me in starters if you want. I’ll notice and I’ll get the idea and we can go from there. If it's just something you came up with outta the blue or it's from an ask or whatever, all fine by me. I’m pretty much open to any and all ideas.

INBOX: Ahahah, my inbox. Yes. That motherfucker. Look. I have at least one meme queued for every single day up until the first week of August. Not quite sure what possessed me to do this, but you know. At least you’ll always at least have one thing to choose from to send me every day. Old memes, new memes, random ass shit you just thought of at 3am because you figured I’d like it, send that in. I’ll answer it.

Sure, okay, yeah. I’ve currently got week old memes sitting in there right now. And there are at least month old memes sitting in my drafts that I haven’t posted yet. Doesn’t mean I won’t answer them. Just gotta wait for that good ol’ inspiration to kick in.

Oh, and I hear Tumblr still eats things. So if you’ve sent me something and its been quite a while and you haven’t seen an answer, chances are I never saw it. I sincerely apologize. Send it again. Send something new. Eventually, I’ll see it. Tumblr can’t eat everything, right?

SELECTIVITY: What is selectivity? I’d write with a sentient stuffed animal if it had a good enough idea. Yes, I’m very aware of what that sounds like. Does that make me any less of a person, a writer, because I said that? Fuck no. I am more than willing to give anyone and everyone a chance provided you aren’t cringey.

Oh but Asher, what does that last bit even mean? Don’t be fucking weird. That’s all I ask. If you’ve got an idea, come to me with it and we’ll work something out. Don’t have an idea? We’ll talk about it. I will roleplay with you. I am by no means selective.

WISHLIST: OH BOY! A WISHLIST!

Although, I suppose this would be where I’m supposed to give you some semblance of ideas or stories that I would like to give a shot at. :fingerguns: What is creativity? I will admit that I like to spout out about how creative I am and shit. However, put me on the spot and I will go blank and make myself a fucking liar.

I’ll give you some hints though. Love me some angst. I am one angsty boy. Do your absolute worst. It takes a lot to make me feel things and only two people have managed to get me to the point of tears thus far in my Tumblr career. If you think you got what it takes, bring it on.

I’m still exploring Reno’s drug habit(s). So I guess that’s sort of a wish list idea?

I want an excuse to be sadistic. My fucking name is literally sadistic-second and I cannot recall an opportunity in which I have gotten to display that true nature. I think I’ve hinted at it before? I know there are a couple shorts that I’ve written floating around. I think you can find them under “Asher writes” and uh . . . Fuck, what was that other one I wrote recently? “Raw meat” brings it up in the search so there’s that, too.

So those are kind of wish list ideas? I guess?

HONEST NOTE: :dogekek: Bold of you to assume I have anything else left in me to put here. Nah, but like it was 2am when I wrote this. And you’re seeing it now at whatever the fuck time my queue put it at. Early morning, I know that.

I’ve done a lot of changing, a lot of growing up in the last year or so. Big life changes happened and well. You gotta adjust or ya kinda sink. And boy did I sink. But I’m back now. I’m better. I’m getting the hang of things once again.

No, but like what the fuck is supposed to go here? Oh, wait. I have an idea.

You guys want a better way to communicate with me? Ask for my discord. Tumblr messages are great and all, but uh . . . You’re more likely to get more out of me on discord than you are Tumblr. Why? I dunno. I’m always on discord. I’m kind of on Tumblr? Granted, I’m always on both places, but discord is where its at, man.

TAGGED BY: @that-turk-laney

TAGGING: Uh. Steal it, fam

#Just Asher Things

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666whatsyourvanishing · 5 years ago

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Omg the "last words au"ask ahh right in the feels qwq but still hella beautiful written how do you do this ahahah catch me crying in the corner :^D well done dear author 🙇‍♂️💙but question could we get it this time with mc last words at the ro👀? Only if you want of course and if you have time :D (i hope you dont have too much stress)anyway have a beautiful day 💙😁🙇‍♂️

Omg thats one of the nicest asks I’ve gotten. I love writing snippets so I’m really glad you enjoyed them (and crying is the appropriate reaction, I almost did too ;-;). My only problem with writing snippets is that with this amount of ROs I have to keep it short which is a tough task as a writer. So I’m sorry if the answer is not the appropriate length that you were expecting (mind you I wrote this before I actually wrote the snippets, and let me tell you, they ARE long). I will, however, do my best! And I wish you a beautiful day as well, have a stress free day ❤️

------------------

The shot was right below your stomach, and you felt this stinging feeling before feeling heavy. Almost like you stepped into hot water, you felt like drowning. The tiding was rising, and soon you met the floor, your body too numb to feel the impact of the fall. Your vision turned blurry but you could see a figure stood over you, so close that you could feel their warmth despite the fire inside you. You had trouble breathing but you reached out, not fully understanding how one could feel their own blood leave their body.

Caiden: Caiden was screaming your name way before you hit the floor. You were in their arms before you knew it; despite the pain in your abdomen, you felt nice, comfortable. “MC...” Caiden sobbed.

You thought that maybe you would be the one crying, but your brain is losing blood, and you can barely even conjure any emotion besides a slow decrease of panic and pain. Caiden cradles you, and you hear more footsteps, then a few hands examining you, those aren’t Caiden’s. Forcing your eyes to move, you look around you... paramedics? Doctors? Not that they would be able to save you at this rate, you know what dying feels like.

“MC, look at me.” Caiden suggests, and your eyes move to their face. Seeing the worry in their eyes makes you feel weird and angry, but you have no energy for that. “I’m worried... No, that’s- Look. Doctors, the ambulance. Everything’s okay.”

You whimper very weakly, not a cry per say, but a breath laced with the fleeting life that’s leaving you. “I wish... I could fight harder. Just for you Caiden, but it’s too late to try now.”

“No, no. You can still fight.” Caiden pleads, slightly pulling you up closer to them. You never knew Caiden had such strength. They laugh shortly and anxiously. “You’re a fighter, you’re stubborn.”

You nod, eyes drooping. Your body is turning cold now. The irony of it really, death is weird like that. Your lose sense in your legs and soon your fingertips too, there’s an ache in your heart, or maybe your lungs. You can’t tell the difference anymore. It’s finally coming to you that this is it. Will there be a heaven like promised? Will there only be darkness? Will you cease to exist? It’s scary not knowing- no, it’s scary leaving Caiden. You won’t be able to tell them about it.

You laugh for the last time, but it’s a rasp, the last breath. “I’ll see you Caiden, take your time.”

And as you die in their arms, those spoken words form on their wrist.

You would cry with Caiden if you could muster, but all that’s left is the heavy cold weight of the body you leave behind.

Jade: You’re drowning, in more ways than one. Your ears are ringing and you can barely hear Jade scream at you. You just know that whatever they’re saying goes from a shout to a whisper. With their arms around you, you feel their hair tickle your forehead, and their voice comes to you like an idea in a dream.

“Hey...” Your eyes move, as if they had been frozen. You finally see Jade right in front of you. And when I say in front of you, I mean directly in your face. They’re a breath away, and you’re looking at each other as if you were miles apart. They smile sadly when they get your focus, but you see their emerald eyes getting glassy.

You cough a bit, trying to reply, your throat feels scratchy, as if the air in it is getting corrupted. It feels metallic in your tongue, your lungs burning from the inside out. But you smile back at them and croak, “Hey.”

Jade gulps and blinks, tears finally falling from their face into your own, everywhere they touch it feels cold, or maybe it’s just your own body getting hot. Despite what they would call ‘a shameful display of weakness’, they frown, really like they’re about to cry.

“You’re still breathing. The ambulance is coming.” They mutter, voice breaking despite the confidence in their words. “You’re okay.”

“Am I? I feel weird.” You answer. Jade is cradling your face, and they smooth out their own tears in your face as they hear you speak.

“How do you feel?”

“Like this body isn’t mine. Like I’m watching from the ground, but I don’t know where I am.” You explain and it feels true. Jade nods, but you’re unsure if they’re agreeing with you or just listening. “You can see me right?”

Jade chuckles surprised, it’s sad and weak. “Of course I do.” They caress your cheek again but this time you don’t feel it, you just see their hand move from the corner of your eye. It’s starting to come to you that you can’t feel anything.

As you understand this, your vision grows smaller, there’s black spots everywhere. The corners are closing in and you feel like you’re being buried. You sigh, tired. This is it. You feel numb, like a stone in the earth. It’s getting darker but you can still see Jade look at you, begging with their eyes. You breathe out, one last time before you go. “I see you too.”

Those very words engrave themselves on Jade’s wrist, and they glance at it briefly, gasping once they realize what just happened. Jade cries really hard this time, you don’t know for how long since you fade away, like falling asleep. But this time it’s forever.

Bo: Bo had managed to grab you before you touched the floor, so maybe that’s why you didn’t feel the impact. Their hands were warm, but everything felt warm and then hot, were they even touching you to begin with. You feel the ground, and like an anchor, your body attaches itself to it. Every limb of your body feels heavy and it takes strength for you to be able to grasp blindly for Bo.

They luckily, grab your hand before you find them. Your breathing quickens as you glance at them. “Bo, bo, what happened?” You ask, despite knowing what happened. You feel it in your abdomen, it feels like a frostbite, it’s too cold or hot you don’t know the difference, it just burns. Bo’s grip on you is tighter, and their eyes are wild.

“You got shot.” They explain, breathless. “But the doctors are here, and they’ll take care of you.”

“Will you be here?”

“I won’t leave you.” Bo’s answer is quick, like a reflex. You’re still holding hands with them, but as your hold lossens, theirs is the only thing keeping you afloat. You feel your heart no longer in your chest, it’s beating slowly all over your body, you feel it... but you don’t feel anything else.

Bo is staring at you attentively, they look like they want to say something, but they’re distracted watching you. You would laugh if you could, but words are starting to be hard to speak. If only they could focus like this in anything else. You gasp, your lungs pressured. Almost as if you’re being crushed by the air itself, the ground becoming somewhat translucent, like you could fall through.

They furrow their eyebrows, frowning at you, before glancing around. “Hey, c’mon! Where’s the ambulance?” Bo shouts at someone. The sound isn’t coming from their body, or their direction necessarily, it’s ringing in your head along with your heartbeat; both are growing slower. You feel their eyes on you again, you can’t see them as well anymore, your vision is turning darker... or your eyes are shutting. “MC, just stay with me. Look at me, I’m right here.”

You nod, or at least you think you do. But then again... you can’t move. You can’t feel anything, you can’t see or hear properly anymore. Any second now, and you’ll be gone. Were you fighting for nothing? Were you really expecting to survive this?

“MC please.” Bo’s voice cracks.

You give you last breath to them. “I’m with you.” Those words echo on Bo’s wrist, and that’s all that’s left of you. It was them all along... and now, they watch you die. You feel like smiling, but you descend into darkness instead.

Tori: Tori is cursing as far as you can tell, it’s a long string of curses but they’re not directed at you. You grasp around, almost crawling around the ground, but despite the pain, Tori stops you. “Wait, don’t.” They hold your shoulders. “You’re bleeding too much.”

You sit up, biting down your lip as you actually feel your organs moving. It’s a weird detachment feeling... is it even your body? Tori pulls you closer to them, resting your body against them on the ground. You’re now warm all over, probably because you’re sitting in between Tori’s legs, but also because you feel your lungs burning. “Tori...” You whimper. They simply wrap their arms around you, moving hair out of your face. You didn’t realize you were sweating until now.

“Just breathe, calm down.” Tori breathes out for you. They seem calmer than you expected - turning your head to glance at them, you breathe out with them. You feel calmer, less panicked, and the pain subsides significantly. You let yourself fall back on them and they welcome you by carefully putting their hands where you bleed. You don’t feel their hands there, but by their grimace, you think it’s pretty nasty.

“The ambulance is coming, so you just have to sit tight.” They tell confidently. You nod to yourself, body slowly limping and heart beating slower, less rapid. “Hey.” Tori calls you.

“Hm.” You hum.

“This is the first time I actually hugged you.” Tori chuckles and you laugh too. “I hoped it would be under better circumstances.”

“If I knew you were this good at hugging, I would’ve asked sooner.”

“Let’s strike a deal. When you’re out of the hospital, I’ll give you as many hugs as you’d like.”

“That doesn’t sound like you...” You say, now struggling to speak. It’s like you’re losing air, drowning maybe. “But you promise?”

“Yeah. I promise.” Tori mutters, their voice is sounding garbled, fuzzy. You suddenly realize you don’t fully understand where you are, you don’t feel them behind you, you don’t feel the pain anymore. The sounds around you are all mixing together into one single ringing sound.

You groan. “Tori...” Your voice is going, just like the life slipping in between every breath. “I think this is our last hug.”

“No, don’t say that.” Tori exclaims, the familiar anger creeping through. “We’ll have more chances.”

“No Tori...” You take a deep breath, ragged and suffering. Your eyes close and you accept it. You’re glad you got to be this close to Tori at the last second, but your body is giving in and you can’t do anything about it. You wish you could live longer, got to know Tori better. “Hug me tight when I go.”

“MC, you’re not going anywhere!” Tori seemingly shakes you. “MC-” They glance at you, but you’re no longer breathing. Taking their hands off you for a second, their hands trembling and soaked in your blood, they stare at their wrist. Your last words are engraved there.

They do hug you tight, tighter than they ever will anyone. You were theirs, even if it was just for a second. They didn’t want to lose you like this...

Jay: Jay grabs you, and suddenly you feel like you were just born. “MC no...” Jay sobs in shock. You cling to them in desperation and the next thing you know, you’re sitting in their lap on the ground, head resting on their shoulder and their arms clumsily around you. “MC, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

“God, it hurts.” You try not to cry along, but your face is too numb to obey you. Tears streak down your cheeks and it feels hot. Everything feels like it’s burning. Jay is there at least, and they’re holding you, changing pressure from gentle to tight and then gentle again. “Jay, is it really bad?”

“No- I mean, it’ll be fine! The police, the ambulances are coming. Oh noo...” They whisper the last part. “Deep breaths, deep breaths.” You’re not sure anymore if they’re talking to themselves or to you.

“Jay.” You call them weakly. You voice is breaking, air is leaving you every time you speak. Lungs feeling weightless and body losing sense, you stare at Jay. They’re not paying attention, taking very deep breaths blurring into hyperventilating. “Jay.” You try again.

“I don’t want to lose you, I really don’t want you to die or anything like that- What am I saying, you’re going to be okay. The hospital... you’ll go to the hospital, and you’ll be okay. They’ll fix you right-”

“Jay!” Finally, they glance at you, as if truly seeing you for the first time. They apologize with their look but they stutter one along the way. “I’m still okay.” You mutter and they hesitate to move their hands anywhere else in case they change that.

They nod. “You’re okay.”

“Yes, I’m okay.” You both take a deep breath. You’re not sure how many of those you have left, but you smile at each other, enjoying the peace that follows. That is until you realize you can’t really move. You can’t breathe anymore, you can’t hear or see properly, everything seemingly fuzzy. You feel cold and heavy, not real.

Jay is calm, so you don’t alert them on the fact that this is it. You are not okay. You are not going to survive this. You hate what that will do to Jay, they won’t be able to take it, they’ll break down crying. God, you’re going to be the reason they won’t sleep at night. Gently, you try to catch Jay's attention. Your voice is too broken, and you can’t breathe anymore, so whatever you say, comes out like choking.

They stare at you in shock, fear, eyes wide. “No-”

“Jay, please. Don’t... be sad.” You croak out. “Imagine my smile instead.” Your last breath, that was it. You can’t say anymore. Jay panics, breaking into sobbing again and halting once they catch something on their wrist. Your advice is written there.

Jay cries so much. But you’re not there to see it, you know it, and you hope it won’t be a familiar sight. You don’t want this to be the only thing Jay remembers of you.

Jun: As soon as you touch the ground, Jun is on you. It’s a strange feeling, panic rises in you, pain, fear, and the wild comfort of having someone worry about you. You hear them say something to a person somewhere, but you don’t quite catch it. Your senses are foggy, and you reach to touch where it hurts. Your hands come back bloody and sticky.

Jun moves your head to rest on their lap, it’s soft and light, but the rest of your body seems like it’s an endless act of falling. You turn to them and they stare back at you. It’s tender as far as you understand it, but it’s fleeting. “MC, can you hear me?”

You nod.

“Can you see me?”

You nod again.

Jun takes a deep breath and says something once again to the distance. You hear the word “dying” but your sense of self in somewhere else. Your legs give out and you feel incapable of moving anything below your waist. Jun’s head turns back to you and their translucent hands fall on each side of your face. “Take a deep breath with me.” Their chest rises and fall along with yours. Everytime you breathe, your lungs burn, similarly to a balloon, they seem to get weightless as you follow Jun’s instructions. “How does it feel?”

“Like I can’t breathe.” You answer and Jun’s shoulders rise in concern. “Jun, am I going to be okay?”

“Of course darling.” Jun says gently, using a pet name to reassure you. It does, which is no surprise. But your tension is still high by the way their hands tremble.

You shift your head a bit to nudge their hand closest to you. Still staring at them, they hum back, understanding but disappointed they couldn’t hide it better. “Are you okay?”

“I will be.” They mutter, using that hand to caress your cheek. You lean into the touch. It’s cold compared to the rest of your body. Everything else is like it’s on fire. You feel sick, like you just woke up and really want to go back to sleep. But staring at Jun stops you from ever closing your eyes. “Do you remember that time where you were so lost in your own world that when I nudged you to call for you, you nearly toppled the whole couch?” They laugh, the sound light despite the world turning darker.

You chuckle. “Yeah. You really scared me.”

“It wasn’t my intention...” Jun hums, their head tilting, voice getting softer. They move a hair out of your face. “You always did say my hands were cold.” You would agree with that statement, but you realize that you can’t feel their hands anymore. You can’t move, you can barely breathe. You blink and frown, tears forming in your eyes.

Jun looks surprised. “Oh no no MC, why are you crying?” They lean closer and clean the tears as they fall along your cheeks.

“I think I’m dying.” You choke out, voice raspy from the difficulty of breathing. “Jun, I’m scared.”

“Hey hey.” They call you, their voice shifting a bit as well. You’re not sure if it’s your hearing failing you or their voice breaking. “I won’t let you. Just keep looking at me.” You think they’re smiling.

You cry again despite the safety in their words. You’re losing yourself, you’re eyes are becoming foggy and dark, you can’t see them. “Jun... I miss your cold hands.”

“They’re still here darling.” They reply, grasping your face kindly. You sob one last time and go. Your body heavy, your eyes open, your cheeks cold. “MC?” Jun calls you, searching your dead eyes for any sign of life. There isn’t any. On their wrist, in the same water that spills from their eyes, your words are there, like magic. They never stop holding you.

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Wow this was long, also. I cried. Might I tell you, I love writing about how something that I never experienced might feel. Writing what it would be like to die is kind of therapeutical, morbid too. Anyways, hope you like it!

#tvp #the vanished project #cog #choice of games #wip

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