#i am going to the olivia rodrigo concert on this week and i want it UP before then so i can PARTY and SCREAM and DANCE

[rosyredlipstick]

ready to eat it up

i so want to have it ready for you anon <3 here is the first bite as a very small appetizer :) a single quiche perhaps :)

A med team was waiting in the hangar when they finally made it back to the base, ready for them as soon as the door was open. Nico and Piper were quick to carry Thalia out, Leo and Jason on their heels. Lee, their resident physician and the closest thing they had to a head of medical, met them with Juniper manning a rolling bed and - 

“Late twenties female, major thoracic wound, severe burns on all limbs,” Will reported clinically, straight to vitals and IV prick to her elbow. Juniper lowered the rolling bed and guided Nico and Piper to set her down, quickly hooking her up to the bed. “Pulse ox at 65, proceeding with intubation -” 

Their attempts at medcare on the way were carefully logged in the medpack tags and hypos canisters Lee pocketed, something for a bit later. As soon as Thalia was settled, they were walking with her, straight off to the medbay, no look back. The Guardians, in turn, had little choice but to march off to Command. 

The room was locked down when they tried to come in, Annabeth already in conference with the others. They had to try calling three different PADDs before someone picked up and let them in, walking into the second Galactic war in the making. 

The room was down to Annabeth’s council and not a soul more, arguing from every inch and corner and cutting off as they came in. Every gaze in the room spun toward them, the door locking behind them. 

Annabeth came to her feet, bright-eyed and fierce. “There,” she said to the rest of the room, gesturing toward them. “You want some answers, you ask them.” 

Nico already had a headache.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Can I ask how you got your tickets for Lyon? I’m thinking next time Taylor goes on tour I will have to try for somewhere in Europe! It’s just too expensive in North America and resell prices are a joke!

Same as everyone else, luck of the draw with Ticketmaster! I registered for the presale for nearly every city I felt I could feasibly travel to and hoped for the best. I must have signed up for at least a dozen cities in Europe and could even have been more.

I got selected for a code for Lyon and got put on the waitlist for London and Edinburgh. I got off the waitlist for Edinburgh after the sale started, but by that point the only thing left were like single ticket VIPs which were more than I wanted to spend and also I wanted to travel with friends. I did end up getting off the waitlist for London part 2 about five days before the shows, which was SO lucky because I was already going to be there, so my friend and I ended up getting to see the show again in the obstructed/nosebleed seats.

My suggestion would be to sign up for everything you feel like you would be willing to travel for. Being flexible is key: signing up for just the cities near you is a crapshoot. Case in point: as a Canadian, I also signed up for Toronto and Vancouver thinking that if I got in I'd sell my Lyon tickets, and never even made it to the waitlist, let alone get a code. If I had waited for the Canadian dates to be announced, or sold my Lyon tickets to hedge my bets on Toronto, I would have been screwed. Of several dozen friends and family who signed up for Toronto and Vancouver, I only know three who got tickets, and one of them ended up selling hers because the cost of hotels and airfare were so exorbitant her weekend trip with her girls was going to end up costing $10k.

I ended up going to four shows total (one in Lyon and three in London) and I am certain the four of them cost less than what I would have likely paid for a lower bowl ticket in Toronto for one show. Again, part of it was flexibility (obstructed view seats were relatively cheap in London and turns out you get an awesome experience anyway; my floor GA in Lyon cost less than what upper bowl/nosebleeds were going for for Olivia Rodrigo and not much more than what I paid for Noah Kahan tickets near me; basically, I wasn't too picking about my seats or dates), part of it is tickets seemed way cheaper in Europe than they did in North America, even with the exchange rate.

And also: if you're going to travel, build a trip around it if you're able to. I was lucky that I had vacation time banked so I was able to take two weeks off (and then another week later in the summer for London). I LOVE travelling and had been itching to do a big trip since before the pandemic, so this was it for me. I used the show as the anchor point, and then built the rest of my itinerary around it. One of my friends did the same thing to see Adele in Germany this summer and made a whole Euro trip out of it. It's wonderful to travel just for a concert, but as someone with perpetual wanderlust, you get SO MUCH more out of it when you can explore and take in the sights. There's something so cool about being immersed in a new or different place and just giving main character energy to your day lol. And candidly: if anything ever goes belly-up with the show (e.g. it gets cancelled), you've still got tons to do and see. Up until the minute I stepped onto the tube to Wembley Stadium I was still worried the show would get cancelled (after Vienna), but it wouldn't have mattered because I had the absolute best trip ever that formed so many core memories.

ALSO: if you plan on going with friends, have everyone in the group sign up for the presales as well to maximize the chance of at least one of you getting a code. Also plan accordingly because this time you were allowed a max of four tickets per code. So for Lyon, I went to one show with three friends. For London, I went to two shows with one friend. (She had gotten tickets for another show.)

Sadly the last bit is also: money. I'm not rich by any means, but I had a healthy savings fund that I'd been contributing to since before Covid and my big ticket item was travel. It's an absolute privilege that I don't take for granted. I am fully aware that many can't afford to travel for a show. (I used to be in that same boat until the last few years.) I couldn't travel like this every summer, but every few years is hopefully in the cards.

TL;DR: be flexible, get what you get and don't get upset re: destination (i.e. if you get a code for a city you otherwise wouldn't think of travelling to), team up with your travel buddies if applicable, plan your trip around your concert date and not the other way around.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Most-Listened of March 2024

[last month]

This was such an exciting month of releases--Purplekiss, Day6, BLEACHERS?? Chung Ha gave us a couple of songs, Nina Suárez came back out of nowhere, Lucy dropped a single, OLIVIA RODRIGO IS BACK?? I've been super excited for the J-Hope album, too, but I haven't been emotionally ready to check it out, yet, since I want to have the energy to really love it! Not to mention the Seori EP-- PLUS Bol4 and StayC both dropped some covers of huge 2019 k-pop hits.

And that isn't all. The highlights of my month were seeing Bruce Springsteen (only my favorite artist ever.) and Gregory Alan Isakov in concert(s)! So honestly, I'm a little overwhelmed by just how exciting music is right now. (It doesn't help that this month gave me my first album of the year candidate, too!!) This post will be my opportunity to go a little wild, then :)

1. Leopardos -- Ine Güemes

I should not enjoy this listening experience as much as I do. That whistling noise should annoy me by now, after all these listens, right? ... Right? Nope. I love it. This song is so soothing, it's literally the musical equivalent of a deep breath.

2. Appaloosa Bones -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Concert prep + THE sulking song this month. Look, I'm a guy who needs my daily floor time (floor time. perhaps you require it.), and it always involves considerable sulking. (At this rate, you're gonna see a sulking song on this list every single month. It's a tradition now!) I've been losing it about "Was I that gone? / Man, I hope not / Glad you found me when you did" and "The pages slow / in the room I called your name" and "They haven't made no pill / To get us across the winter time" ...

3. All Things End -- Hozier

You know what ended? My eight-week class. *sigh of relief* All things end, truly! Now I just need the reminder that this semester will end, too...

4. Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen

I'd never heard this one before, but I ASCENDED when I heard it live (the horns section was. fantastic.) and I left it on repeat all month post-concert.

5. The Ledge -- Fleetwood Mac

This song makes me proud of my music taste, honestly--see, I can like weird experimental stuff, too! It sounds wonderfully, comfortingly crowded--like the ambient noise from a nearby café, or like falling asleep with the TV on. I don't know, it's just a feeling I find myself really enjoying. I'm also SO deeply in love with the round-style singing (see: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" rounds in middle school choir) Fleetwood Mac sometimes does (see: my obsession with "Paper Doll"), and they do it in this song !!

6. I Don't Want to Know -- Fleetwood Mac

I like this one for the same reason I like "Second Hand News"--that cheerful self-deprecation just never fails to draw me in. ("Second Hand News" is still better, though!)

7. Smart -- Le Sserafim

Does anyone NOT like this song? I missed the Eve Psyche hype train last year, so this one's hitting me doubly hard. I think the sweeter tone of "Smart" suits Le Sserafim's vocals much better, and the production is just plain adorable! This has been my go-to song during classes, when I need something to cheer me up without making me too overwhelmed.

8. Luz -- Ine Güemes

That vocal processing is SUCH a standout--so soft and hazy and fluffy, just a fascinating texture when you really focus on it, but endlessly pleasant when you leave it on loop and zone out, too. (Look, I REALLY loved this album this month.)

9. Nota de Voz -- Los Hermanos Laser

Classic indie boy music! I like "Azul Plateado" from this album, too, and I have a feeling the whole album will hit for me during the summer--I tend to like that exhausted-sounding alt-rock stuff a whole lot around July & August :)

10. Light Sprite -- Baby Pantera, Isabella Lovestory

Thanks for the rec, @pocima !!

11. I Am Right On Time -- Bleachers

This is a weirdly muted album for Bleachers (especially on the heels of "Stop Making This Hurt" and "How Dare You Want More" from their last album), and this is the most weirdly muted of them all--I really feel like it should be... more, somehow? But it's still quite a cathartic listening experience, and I keep coming back to it!

12. Really Like You -- Gyubin

I've started giving myself 30 minutes of reading time in the mornings, to help me wake up and not be completely miserable about it, so I've been reading a whole bunch of webtoons. (Hell, maybe I'll read a book one day!) This one's the perfect cutesy webtoon soundtrack, and I think it might be here because I left it on repeat while reading Blooming Season?? (I just finished catching up with Jackson's Diary, and I think I'm gonna start Death of a Pop Star next!) Anyway, Gyubin sounds lovely here, can't wait for a comeback!

13. Self Respect -- Bleachers

The production on this song is just SO exciting overall!! But I'm mostly here for the saxophone. God, it's not even that much of the song but it's gorgeous !!!

14. Nieve Sin Fin -- Ine Güemes

Nice aesthetic piano :)

15. Rush -- Twice

I love how dizzying this song is--it's chaotic and overwhelming in the most wonderful way! I was a little disappointed by it when I first listened to the album, I think because their vocals here are much softer than usual. When I let myself get swept away in the production, though, I totally get the appeal.

Five-Star Songs (& Albums!) This Month

BBB -- Purplekiss (the tiktok-music trend finally got me last year--against my will, admittedly. unfortunately for me, "bbb" is a fantastic example of that easy-listening, viral-tiktok sound from a group i'm already obsessed with, so of course i'm a huge fan. great vocal performances and silky songwriting? yeah, it's great--the muted aesthetic doesn't bug me at all--and i actually kind of love the super-short horn sections in the chorus. they're surprisingly full-sounding!)

Beam Beam -- Jeon Soyeon (i didn't get this one at all when it first came out, but i've warmed up to it over the years--and this month it just HIT. it's the perfect showcase of soyeon's energy, and it's such a rush!!)

Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen (five stars bc it has the words "robber barons" in it!!)

Girl I've Always Been -- Olivia Rodrigo (i keep underestimating olivia rodrigo's power as a performer. of course she could make this country-sounding track work. of course she could make it my favorite from the album in an instant. who am i to question??)

Hey Joe -- Bleachers (a sing-along for the politically disillusioned. happy 2024, fellow usamericans. well, at least the harmonies here are delightful!)

Jesus is Dead -- Bleachers (i mentioned that this album is unusually muted for bleachers--not dull as in 'boring in terms of production or songwriting', but dull as in dead-eyed and zombie-like. the vocal delivery, especially, is unusually bland and flat. "jesus is dead" is definitely the best use of this half-asleep, grayscale aesthetic on the album--a song as hopeless and monotone as its delivery. it's strange and stylish and messy, too, AND there's also a sax solo ?? and it works great ?? i admire it so so so much--i'm very surprised this didn't make the most-listened list, i've been looping it a whole bunch.)

The Ledge -- Fleetwood Mac

Self Respect -- Bleachers (re: saxophone.)

White Rabbit -- Jefferson Airplane (i don't think it's much of a hot take at all to say this one is fantastic. i heard it for the first time in february, and i've been completely obsessed since!!)

Heráldica -- Saramalacara (okay, i've had like. a week. with this album, but it was love at first listen--and "humo" already had my heart, anyway. the atmospherics are breathtaking, the production crisp and intense, and saramalacara's voice // the vocal production here fits SO well!! there's a song called ".tumblr" that's definitely worth checking out, though i enjoy every song on here !! except "_cuervos". i admire that one but god it disturbs me i never want to hear it again.)

Qué Nos Mantiene Despiertos -- Ine Güemes (first album of the year candidate of 2024 !!! not much of a surprise, i'm sure, given my top 15. more breathtaking atmospherics, but in the exact opposite direction of heráldica! this album is full of really unique textures, but all that chaos doesn't make it any less soothing. each song is distinct, but they all come together into this sweet, fluffy youtube-lofi-mix type of experience--and look, i'm a college student. could i ask for anything more in an album?)

[princessmaybank]

Hi! Congratulations on 1.5!!! sent something else for the celebration already but saw you post about warning a “💌 New Message”. I know you mentioned for us to state which character we would like it from but honestly I pretty much like them all the same (except I do like Pope just a little bit more) so either from Pope, or if you think I would for better with sometime else then I would definitely love that! (Also preferably the character being my established significant other (so like at least being together for like 6 ish months)). And even though I’m a really boring person, here it goes haha. I’m pretty shy and introverted when first meeting someone (and in public) but once I get to know and become closer to someone I am more extroverted around them, and more relaxed and carefree. I would describe myself as a very kind, honest, caring, and overall good person. I would also say I’m a romantic and love all that stuff that some people find cheesy. I unfortunately didn’t get the stereotypical high school love and have only had 2 “romances” (a few “dates” (I put in quotes because yes they were dates but no effort was made and were nothing like how I imagined/imagine dates should be) and kissed/made out but then said they didn’t want anything serious). I love both cats and dogs but after we put down our last dog a few years ago we (my family and I) decided just to have our cats (as my mom is getting older and didn’t want to deal with potty training and taking a dog on walks, especially when I am at college). I LOVE music I am listening to music pretty much all the time, exceptions being when I am working/ doing school stuff that I have to have my entire focus on (or obvious things like at a restaurant with family or friends, dr appointment, etc) although once I am sitting in the chair at the dentist after talking to the hygienist, I have it in my chart that I put my headphones in because I hate loud noises the noise, (and the taste, smells, noise all put together makes me freak out). I said I hate loud noises, however I love fireworks and concerts (I put earplugs in lmao). I am a basic white girl with most of my music taste (sue me okay!) and love Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Sabrina Carpenter, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Halsey, Kelsea Ballerini, the glee cast seasons 1-3💀, 5 seconds of summer, one direction, however I do also love Evanescence and Halestorm. In middle and high school I was in band (played the clarinet) and choir for a few years but did not continue when teachers left and i didn’t get much joy from it anymore, but I still sing along to music I listen to. I am NOT into sports/don’t watch/play but when I was younger I was really interested in gymnastics and did it for four years until the price increased and I had to quit. However I love “swimming” (going in the water and relaxing/ moving around, not swimming laps or anything like that). This was all over the place and I feel like this was probably way too many details you don’t need/don’t help you but also possibly not enough info to write a letter :/ But anyways, hopefully it is good enough you can write something from it! Thank you and once again congratulations!!!

Thank you babe ❤️ I guess I'm a post office now because have a letter here from Pope for you! 😂

Hello Beautiful,

It's our 1 year anniversary and I am extremely sorry for not being able to be with you for it. I miss you so much and I can't wait to see you again. I think about you every day, all day long. Not a day goes by where you and your lovely smile don't cross my mind.

I know I told you I'd be away for a few more months but I have something to tell you. I'll be back to visit in a few weeks honey!

You've probably already seen them by now in the envelope, but in case you haven't looked, I got you a little something. I know how much you love Niall Horan, and I saw that he was on tour, so I made a few ends meet and I got us some tickets for his show near us. I'll be visiting that week. Can't wait to see my beautiful baby.

P.S. I know it's not as good as the tickets but I also sent a picture of me. I Love You.

Love,

Pope <3

[brofisting]

2️⃣3️⃣ BANGERS FROM 2023 🎶

I listened to a lot of music in 2023!!! I love music!! There was sooooo much new-to-me music that I found this year, especially since I really committed to listening more widely to k-pop.

BUT if I made a list of new-to-me music I enjoyed this year we would be here forever, so I've made a list of 23 songs that came out in 2023 that made my year, and that I wanted to share with people. Enjoy!!! (I stuck to one song per artist, with one exception.)

Commentary under the cut!

Memories, RIIZE – What can I say; they're my boys of 2023. This is probably not going to be their sound going forward but I'm so glad they put it out as their first ever full song, because it's the perfect boyband song and it hooked me from day one.

Baggy Jeans, NCT U – This is Thee song of 2023. I will entertain no arguments on that.

The Last One, Maisie Peters – This did the same thing to my brain this year that Taylor Swift's Long Live did to it in 2010 which I think says everything.

Angel Eyes, NCT 127 – Yes, I realize NCT 127 is most known for crazy anti-music. This is like... anti-anti-music. It's Doyoung Does Journey. It's perfect in every way and I love it so much.

Naked In Manhattan, Chappell Roan – I realize this technically came out as a single in 2022 but I didn't appreciate it then and when I was picking a song off The Rise & Fall Of A Midwestern Princess it had to be this one, for me.

get him back!, Olivia Rodrigo – Everyone loves it for a reason, the reason is because it rules.

Something To Believe In, Kesha – If you haven't listened to Kesha's album from this year do yourself a favor and go do so right now. It's discomfiting and gorgeous.

CAKE, KARD – I dunno why I thought KARD was going to be music for heterosexuals. It is not music for heterosexuals. Watch the dance practice to see a giant LA frat-adjacent boy serve cunt.

On My Youth (English Version), WayV – This whole album rules but this stands out to me as a really great song that works perfectly both in Chinese and in English. They really sell it and it slaps. Also, the dance challenge they did for it stands out as the most fun one I saw all year, which really has nothing to do with the song but made me follow them on Instagram and now I'm obsessed with them.

Paint The Town Red, Doja Cat – Another one where it's just like... The Masses Are Correct. It's great.

Good Enough, CHANYEOL – This song makes my entire body and brain relax.

Beautiful Liar, MONSTA X – Classic Monsta X, fun and exciting and interesting and cool as hell. Video rules. So grateful we got this before they all had to enlist this year.

Back for More (with Anitta), TOMORROW X TOGETHER – The squawk of outrage that I made when I watched this video for the first time and Kai was hot in it.........also it was on repeat for a solid 4 weeks. It's catchy, Anita's part is great, and it ruined my life a little.

Get it? Got it? Good (feat. Amber Liu), Jessica – A late addition that is on repeat as we speak. Proof that a good hook is magic, IMO.

I AM, IVE – I'm ashamed that it took seeing IVE in concert to realize how fucking great they are, but they are so great, and this entire album is so solid with this song as the glittering diamond in it.

Voice, JOOHONEY – This one also feels a bit like cheating because I actually heard it in 2022, in concert. But it came out this year on Jooheon's solo album, and it's just... so, so good, and it makes me feel so much.

God Of Music, SEVENTEEN – I went back and forth between this and Super, but in the end, this won out for sounding like a party in progress, and being the Seventeen song that made me really take a second look at them and promptly fall down the rabbit hole. It's so fucking good, and it's so fucking fun, and they deserve all the recognition they got this year.

TOPLINE (Feat. Tiger JK), Stray Kids – A very Stray Kids song, by Stray Kids. I think it's my favorite from them this year, though there's definitely competition. This is winning due to the amount that I sing along to it in my kitchen.

BOUNCY (K-HOT CHILLI PEPPERS), ATEEZ – ATEEZ are more my boys-in-law than my boys, but far be it from me to deny that BOUNCY is one of the songs of the year. I cannot put that shit on without dancing along.

One Kiss, Red Velvet – Chill Kill is a phenomenal album front to back, but this song stands out as soooo perfect. Throwback vibes but feels contemporary, great vocals, lots of fun.

Guilty, TAEMIN – Primarily I'm obsessed with the artistic choices Taemin made on this album, but even discounting that, this song is a masterpiece.

NO PROBLEM (Feat. Felix of Stray Kids), NAYEON – This is a light, fun, kind of soothing bop which, if it were anyone else who'd featured I'd have probably been like "why did you ruin it with a random feature", but somehow since it's Felix featured he just brightens it up even further. I love it.

Talk Saxy, RIIZE – Yeah, of course this was going to be the artist who got two. What can I say. I was skeptical when the title "Talk Saxy" dropped, and then was made to eat my words so thoroughly I am now obligated to talk up Talk Saxy every time RIIZE comes up for the rest of my life. A perfect boyband bop, goofily age appropriate song, great dance, great vocals, good boys. Made me so excited about their future and sealed the being obsessed with them deal. Hashtag Stan RIIZE.

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

Really I am not here to fight just wanted your genuine thoughts on the possibility of tae and J dating and this was them taking a stroll but the companies/someone leaked the info to harm them

No they ain't dating... and there's no possibility....

Main reason Tae is gay dear (and if some rumours are true, then so is Jennie, cough Olivia Rodrigo), if you can't see that, then you're blind.

Secondly, who travels 13+ hours to meet up with their supposed lover only to take a short "romantic" walk (i.e. robotic) along the river seine before departing, instead of "private" time (i.e. getting it on which most people in love will do after not seeing each other for weeks/months). Obviously Tae and Jennie.

After going their separate ways, Jennie most likely went to the airport so that she can get to the next stop on the BP concert tour. Which oddly is only a few hours away last stop on the tour. Yet, she wasted a 26+ hour round trip to Paris for a walk and handy holdy.

You make it make sense because from here it don't...

[agaypanic]

do you have any music recs??? any except country

only country song i like is before he cheats lol btw i also have playlists for some (key word some lol) characters that i write for, so if yall wanna see that lmk :)

My Music Recs

(for a broad rec, i'll list some of the artists i listen to and then if you want more specific recs, i'll put my favorite album and then favorite song from that album)

5 Seconds of Summer - CALM - Teeth (the live version is superior to the recorded imo, the best one i could find is the one they do on the james corden show)

Avril Lavigne - Let Go - Complicated

Bea Miller - Not An Apology - Dracula

Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever - Billie Bossa Nova

Bloodwitch - I Am Not Okay With This - I'm Yours Tonight

Britney Spears - Circus - Circus

Conan Gray - Superache - Family Line

Demi Lovato - HOLY FVCK - 29

Hayley Kiyoko - Expectations - Wanna Be Missed

Jack Harlow - Come Home The Kids Miss You - Nail Tech

Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster - Paparazzi

Lana Del Rey - Born To Die - Radio

Lemonade Mouth - Lemonade Mouth - She's So Gone

Lewis Capaldi - Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent - Before You Go

Lizzy McAlpine - five seconds flat - reckless driving

Melanie Martinez - PORTALS - BATTLE OF THE LARYNX (i saw her in concert a few months ago and it was the highlight of my week it was so good, and i was graduating later that week lmao)

Olivia Rodrigo - GUTS - vampire

R5 - Heart Made Up On You - Stay With Me (i saw them in concert when i was like 10 and i got a high five from ross lynch and i think either riker or rocky. AND i have a poster that's signed by all of them, i gotta find it)

Sabrina Carpenter - emails i can't send fwd: - opposite (sabrina carpenter is the loml UGH)

Shawn Mendes - Illuminate - Lights On

Tate McRae - all the things i never said - that way

Taylor Swift - Speak Now - Dear John

The Vamps - Cherry Blossom - Married In Vegas (i wanna see them in concert so bad, i wanna see bradley simpson irl with my own eyes)

[witchlingcirce]

List 5 things that make you happy, then send this to the askbox of the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers! :)

HAIIIII this is such a cute question I’d love to answer.

1. I absolutely love reading. I enjoy reading any genre, more specifically fantasy. I’ve been an avid reader since I was a kid and it’s always been something I’ve found pleasure and joy in. I absolutely love game of thrones, I’ve recently been getting back into Shadowhunter’s (rereading like multiple books rn haha), and I really want to get around to reading Dune and so many others. Especially at the moment I’ve been into Japanese lit, I highly recommend “This is Amiko do you copy?” Amazing book!

2. VIDEOGAMES. I love playing video games, if my Xbox wasn’t on its last stretch of life I would totally be gaming so much more. I recently got the resident evil 3 game and I’m hoping to finish that soon (my aim is so bad). I’ve also been really into old ps horror games like silent hill, I’ve recently started to watch gameplays of I have no mouth and I must scream (I wanna read the book so bad!). Me and my dad have been watching the fallout show and he’s gotten the old games on his laptop and I’m hoping to play them soon. I really want to get a hand held console of some sort, like a PSP or PS VITA. My dad wants a Nintendo switch so I’m hoping to convince to get that so I can play if.

3. I really enjoy journaling. I haven’t been able to do it recently because I’ve had so much school work (four assignments due this week guys life is so stressful) but I really do enjoy journaling, I love yapping, and I’m kind of hoping writing so much that my hand writing will improve ahha, but I also really just like making checklists.

4. Taking photos. I am the photography friend, TRUST. I really like taking pictures and I’m hoping that soon I can get a digital camera and express my true photographer girlie self. Unfortunately my phone camera is also starting to slowly get worse (Damn you Apple!😣) but it’s still pretty good, so I really like taking pictures.

5. I really enjoy music, more specifically going to concerts. Earlier this year I went to the Eras tour, and I’m going to a musical later in the year and I’m also hoping to get tickets to one of my fav artists coming to my country soon! Manifest for me guys. I really like artists like Frank Ocean, Taylor swift, Deftones, Olivia Rodrigo and so many more.

TYSM FOR THE AMAZING QUESTION❤️❤️❤️

[matildesimaoblog]

Gracie Abrams and French onion soup

October 6th - 15th

In February, I purchased tickets for the Gracie Abrams concert in Paris. Originally, I had planned to attend with a friend. However, she ended up not being able to come, and I couldn't find anyone else to go with me at the last minute, so I ended up going alone. This wasn't necessarily a problem for me because the previous year, I had already gone to the Olivia Rodrigo concert in Zurich on my own. Upon arriving at the venue, I was surprised to find a huge line. It's funny how none of the people I know have the same taste in music as me, so I always end up going to concerts by myself. However, I always find that there are so many other fans of the artist at the concert. It's like, where have you been, loca? I always enjoy concerts because I'm surrounded by people who are just as obsessed with the artist as I am. I can't wait for the Eras Tour next year!

After waiting in line for almost two hours, I asked two girls behind me if they could save my spot so I could use the bathroom. By some universal force, there was a group of girls in front of me in line for the public toilet, and I overheard one of them saying she wanted to buy a ticket. Since I had an extra ticket, I approached her and offered it to her. So, at last, I got to go with a lovely stranger. Inside the venue, we started randomly talking to two other people because that's what you do at concerts — you befriend strangers.

Before Gracie came on stage, they played songs, as they usually do before the show begins, but the crowd started singing Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey, and Gracie Abrams songs instead. Yep, we're basically one big fandom. The concert itself was amazing, and it was therapeutic to finally scream the lyrics at the top of my lungs.

Unfortunately, in the following days, I got sick and lost my voice for over a week, likely due to the effort I put into screaming the lyrics at the Gracie Abrams concert. However, I didn't stay home because I had friends visiting. It felt strange to do touristy things again. Honestly, I hate it because all the tourist attractions are always crowded, such as the Musée du Louvre, and I end up wanting to leave after 20 minutes. Although I believe you should visit the most important monuments in Paris because they are worth seeing, afterward, I suggest avoiding those areas for your own sake.

On Sunday (Oct 15th), I tried French food for the first time — besides French pâtisserie. I was curious to taste French onion soup because I wondered if it would simply, well... just taste like onions, but it has a more complex flavor. It's quite salty, maybe even a bit too salty for my personal preference, but regardless of that, it was pretty good and exactly what I needed for my cold. Next, I really want to try escargots, even though they may look a bit disgusting. I have a feeling that they might have a similar texture to mussels, and I love mussels, so we'll see.

[yutahoes]

Ghost of You

pairing: idol! Yuta (NCT member) x idol! Y/N (solo idol-actress)

word count : 5k words

genre: angst

summary: He was the one who ended everything. But you’re like a ghost that kept haunting him. 

warning : break up, alleged cheating, pregnancy, a fic where you just want to strangle Yuta to death 

Based on this ask. I’m sorry, I tweaked the story and changed some of the song (especially the Olivia Rodrigo one because it doesn’t fit the story) The songs I used are linked in the story. Also, I have no idea how the idol world works and please note that this is just fanfiction. Please Enjoy reading. 

Broken glass, an empty unruly apartment. Signs that a big fight happened. All because of a tabloid article of him seeing his co-host late at night. Yuta argued that she needed someone to talk to and Y/N was angry that he winged their anniversary V-live just for this. “You can tell me if you’re sick of me, Yuta.” she claimed that made him hiss. “Don’t you think I didn’t notice? You’re always making up things just so you can’t meet me.” 

“That’s not true!” Yuta shouted. “I am busy.” 

Tears ran down her face. “Then explain how Jungwoo had lunch with me last Friday when you said that you’re practicing with your members.”    

“Stop saying that I don’t even make time for you.” His voice raised in frustration. “When all you do is hang out with that co-star of yours.” 

The girl scoffed. “So it’s my fault now? It’s work, Yuta.” It’s always the same reason. “I asked you a lot of times if you’re alright with the drama and you never mention anything. Now, you’re using it against me?” 

The guy shook his head. “Let’s talk about this tomorrow. I’m tired.”

“And I’m also tired.” She whispered. “Let’s end this, Yuta.” She threw the promise ring before leaving the apartment. 

The news next day was about Y/N erasing pictures of them in her social media accounts. The breakup news between the solo idol and the NCT member followed. Taeyong just shook his head watching Yuta exit the CEO’s office with droopy shoulders. “I really like her for you, hyung.” Mark claimed when he entered the practice room. 

He didn’t know where it went wrong. They were happy. Everyone likes their relationship. His fans are her fans, and hers are his. They were tagged as the greatest idol couple, often paired in dances since it’s both their strengths. Y/N was casted in a period drama and he’s a supportive boyfriend who visited her the first day of the filming and thanked everyone for taking care of his girlfriend. She filmed romantic scenes, kissing her actor co-star. And he was fine. “It’s work, Yuta.” She would always say. And he would just smile. 

He started hosting a radio show with a female Japanese idol and he was cold at her, wanting to stir away from controversy. But as her drama progressed, with more romantic scenes and more kissing, he felt left out. She’s becoming a star. And he’s becoming Y/N’s idol boyfriend. Slowly, he’s getting fed up with the relationship that’s slowly getting centered on her. 

It felt like a breath of fresh air that it all ended now. Like a thorn removed from his aching heart. 

All the public’s sympathy went to her, as he expected. She’s the star. The more famous one among the two of them. So he just painted himself as the bad guy by confirming that he’s dating his co-host which surprised the other girl. The agency was surprised at the decision but it became such a media frenzy that their radio show got high ratings every week. Even the sales of their album spiked up and he became known as NCT’s Yuta and not as someone’s idol boyfriend.

Everything is getting better. 

-----      

It was the end of the year award show when they crossed paths again. They were doing a great job avoiding each other. Why now? Nine members meant a vacant seat from the round table artists are seated at. The staff repeatedly apologized but as kind as she is, she just smiled and sat between Doyoung and Jaehyun, just across Yuta. She greeted all the members, even complimenting Haechan’s hair and Taeil’s suit. “Congratulations on best album.” she greeted, smiling widely to avoid the awkwardness. 

“Aren’t you releasing an album as well?” Johnny asked that made her nod. “Another dance track?” Taeyong asked but Y/N shook her head saying that it was a ballad album and that she will perform later. The guys were obviously surprised, ballad isn’t her best track. She’s more known for her dancing skills so it is indeed a huge surprise. 

When the best female idol awardee was called, the NCT members all stood up to congratulate her. Jungwoo even helped her with her pink lace gown. She did the usual thank you message: thanking her parents, the almighty being, the management, the staffs, and her fans. “And lastly…” Yuta gasped. Whenever she gets an award, she thanks him lastly for comforting and always supporting her. “Please watch out for my album.” He felt his heart drop, especially when she smiled that angelic smile. Why is she shaking him like this? 

Yuta was already bored. He just wants to go home. The lights dimmed and the emcees announced her as the next performer. Because it’s a live performance, they showed some clips of her photoshoot for her new album. He had to agree that this concept fits her. She looked prettier than when they used to go out.

He was more surprised to see an orchestra accompaniment behind her on stage. Her, seated on a platform, wearing a white sequined dress that shines like stars when the spotlight shone on her. The crowd clapped just as the start of the song played. (Imagine this as the performance.) 

The other members warily glanced at him. A break up song. Why isn’t he surprised? 

My dream changed - instead of a famous singer, I tried to become a good wife

He remembered how she would always try to learn to cook whenever she had extra time. She never mentioned anything to him. It was until one night, they were laying next to each other, when she asked him if he wanted her to continue being an idol. That made him curious that time. She loved performing. Why would she ask that? 

Now, he knew why. 

By the time the second chorus rolled in, he was just amazed at how she could sing those notes while seated down. Her singing really got better. 

Someday you’ll probably call me then I hope you will be a man and congratulate me

Because this is all thanks to you, I’ll prepare a good thank you message for you

He can hear Mark giggling beside him. Johnny pursed his lips as if preventing to laugh. “Hyung, please record her thank you message.” the youngest member teased that made him annoyed. 

Her voice echoed all throughout the venue. Her adlibs hitting notes that she cannot do before and she’s sitting while doing that. 

Slowly, I got over you like that

Their eyes met. Those sparkling eyes. She’s shining. She looks well. She looks better. Without him. 

The fresh air suffocated him, burning his lungs in the process. The thorn that was removed came back and brought friends, a knife tearing his heart into pieces. 

Everything is getting better. For her. Not for him.

The moment he went inside the empty apartment, he felt like breaking down. This is harder than the time she left. He missed her. He’s a wreck without her. A huge mess. Why is he taken over by his jealousy? She deserves to be the center of the relationship. The star. She deserves the whole world. Is it too late for him to get everything back now? He took his phone as a song on the radio played, “Mark, I need your help.” 

Another award show meant another chance to cross paths with her. To Y/N’s surprise, Yuta congratulated her with a wide smile after winning an award. The staffs were repeatedly asking if the members were sure of doing this that made the manager and the leader nod. Johnny was seated in front of the grand piano, Mark on one side with his guitar. Taeil, Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Yuta seated on different chairs in the middle of the stage. (Song)

Johnny started the melody while Mark played his guitar. Jaehyun started the song that made Y/N look at them from the artists’ place. Yuta smiled. Her favorite band. Taeil started singing the chorus with Yuta as back-up vocals. Doyoung sang the second verse while Jaehyun sang the chorus, followed by Taeil. By the end of the song, they lightly glance at Yuta. His last cry for her. 

So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you

And I chase it down, with the shot of truth

He glanced at her, staring straight to those sparkling eyes. 

That my feet don’t dance like they did with you

The lights dim but he saw her silhouette remain on her seat, shoulders visibly heaving. Behind the spotlight, Yuta finally realized that like a ghost, he cannot shake her off. She’ll keep haunting him because he cannot let go of her. Yuta finally realized that he is still in love with her. 

They had been busy with the concerts abroad and she had been busy with the promotion of her album. Yuta’s co-host quit the radio show and days later, it was announced that she was pregnant. The members were surprised at first but it was her who confirmed that Yuta isn’t the father of the child. The public sympathy went to Yuta for the alleged cheating that the girl had done, making him in the center of the media frenzy once again. 

It was a Japanese radio show when he met Y/N again. He had to promote the Japanese leg of their concert while she promoted her Japanese single. She looked casual greeting him, as if nothing happened but her words echoed in his ears “It’s just work, Yuta.” Maybe it was really nothing to her. 

They were seated next to each other. He watched her put on her headphones then rubbed her palms together. “I kinda forgot Japanese.” she claimed then said a Japanese phrase to introduce herself. “Is that right?” He nodded, his warm gaze still on hers. Too casual. “I’m nervous.” 

He wanted to hug her. Comfort her. Tell her that everything will be alright. That he’s next to her so she doesn’t have to worry about anything. 

But he can’t. She’s not his. 

The host kept on claiming that they looked good together that startled them both. When the staff told him something in Japanese, he kept on apologizing while saying that he doesn’t know that they used to date. She just smiled, shaking her head to avoid the awkwardness. She really did move on. The radio show went smoothly until the last part where they had to sing a duet together. Y/N was obviously surprised. Didn’t she know? “We can skip it if you don’t want to.” Yuta whispered. 

Once again she shook her head. “It’s fine. I just haven’t prepared for it.” she claimed while looking at the music sheet. “The notes are a little high.” 

“You’ll do great. Your singing got better.” She giggled at the reference and he smiled. He missed her laugh. 

Y/N focused on the lyrics, asking the translator to tell her what the words mean or how to pronounce it. Yuta was reading the lyrics, seated next to her when she laughed. “Yuta,” she called and he felt his heart jump from his chest. He missed her voice calling his name. “Should we switch parts?” He looked surprised, curious even. “I mean, the lyrics.” 

Yuta smiled. “Should we?” 

Y/N giggled. “Sometimes I am convinced they’re doing this on purpose.” He smiled while looking at her. He missed her. So much. 

The host was asking repeatedly if they want to continue this, apologizing if it ever makes them uncomfortable but she would just smile and shake her head. He thanked her for being professional and she grinned, making Yuta breathless. He missed her smile. 

They were introduced and she even made a fighting sign at him as the melody started. It was a lonely song and Yuta poured all his feelings on his part. (This is the song they used. Dude, can they just remaster it by asking Yuta to sing this?) 

Long time no see

His eyes turned to her. He missed everything about her. 

We cannot express how we feel

Breath echoes in our ears 

The radio show staff all turned to them in surprise. 

My dear, you’ve already found a new love

She turned to him with her sparkling eyes. 

There is no one like you

I am cheating my heart

He sang while staring at her. She even missed the first beat of her part then smiled while looking at the music sheet in front of them. The bridge of the song came and the staff looked in awe at both of them.  

But you are not mine anymore

They stared at each other while singing those words. By the end of the song, Y/N’s voice was breaking so she stepped farther from the mic immediately. A smile escaped her lips when the host asked if she’s alright, apologizing that she ruined the song. Everyone were giving them compliments, fans commenting on how amazing they deliver the song and wishing that they can do a collab in the future. 

“Y/N,” Yuta called on the hallways of the building. He breathed hard while she just nodded at her manager, asking her to go first. “I…” He started but the words cannot come out of his mouth. I’m sorry. My ego got the worst of me. My insecurity caused our fall. I’m a wreck without you. Please come back to me. 

“Let’s not talk about it, Yuta.” She said while shaking her head. “We were immature. We’re so used to each other that we took each other for granted.” She grinned once again, eyes sparkling. Upon closer look, he figured out why. Her tears were forming. Like little pearls in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Yuta.” The words he cannot tell her. “Let’s be happy, hmm?” 

Yuta smiled, taking the hand she held out. “Can I call you when I am feeling miserable?” 

The girl laughed. “My number didn’t change.” She claimed. “And I still have to give you my thank message.” 

He pulled her close, wrapping her in his arms. “I missed you, Y/N.” 

------

Fans were delighted seeing Y/N and Yuta seated next to each other in the V-live account. A thing they always do every year on their anniversary. She was smiling, her lovely smile, while waving at the camera. Yuta adjusted the camera to capture them both before smiling his angelic smile. 

“I didn’t know your V-live account still works even if it isn’t used for a year.” She claimed, leaning in to read some comments. “I also didn’t know that there are still fans who come in this V-live account.” The number of watching people raised up that startled even Yuta. 

They both introduced themselves in a lively manner before the NCT member explained that they did this V-live as a thank you to fans who trended the song they sang in Japan. “I didn’t know that it would blow up like this.” He claimed and she nodded, even laughing at how embarrassing it is that her voice broke in the end. 

They started reading some comments about how fans missed them together, that they look together, and that their playfulness as a couple came back. “Are you back together?” Yuta read, pointing at the comment. 

“We’re not together together,” Y/N started then emphasized the last word with air quote marks. “We’re just…” She lightly glanced at him who was looking at her, mirroring the same smile she had. “Just patching things up and fixing ourselves.” Yuta continued for her. 

“Is there a possibility of a come back?” 

Y/N giggled before pointing at Yuta. “NCT is coming back with a new album. I’m preparing for a fall comeback.” The guy laughed at that. “Yuta, do you want to be featured in my album?” 

He nodded immediately. “Will you write me a love song?” 

She grinned, shaking her head playfully. “I’m not gonna write you a love song~” she sang before laughing. Yuta chuckled, poking her side playfully. “But we’ll see.” 

The fan asked what they had been up to. Y/N shared that she’s writing songs for her album and Yuta saying that he hangs out with the members often and the preparations for their comeback. “I’ve been hanging out with Jaehyun a lot.” he claimed, “I’ve been liking his music choices lately.” 

“You’re already done with your rocker state?” She asked, feigning a shock. “What song have you been listening to lately?” 

Yuta smiled, taking his phone out of his pocket. He played the song and Y/N smiled that there’s still a rockish feel on it.  (Song)

Oh, all my emotions feel like explosions when you are around

Yuta mouthed the words, trying to look for comments but his gaze was on her while jamming on the song. A smile crept his lips and he saw how one fan pointed out that he’s so in love with her. He is. 

“This song is so nice.” 

“Honestly, it kinda reminds me of you.”

He’s singing ‘She’s a, She’s a lady And I am just a boy’

He’s singing ‘She’s a, She’s a lady’ And I am just a line without a hook’

Oh baby, I am a wreck when I’m without you I need you here to stay

She looked surprised when Yuta sang the lines of the songs. The side of his lips curled up when he saw the sparkle back in her eyes. They talked a bit about what fans should watch out from their respective schedules. They said goodbye in a lively manner before Yuta ended the V-live. 

Y/N leaned on the couch, breathing heavily. She lightly glanced at Yuta and he smiled. “Want to get some sushi?” She nodded, grinning widely. 

Yuta cannot shake her off. Like a ghost, she will keep haunting him. And hopefully, she can come back to him. 

[imhereonthekitchenfloor]

just my pov from concert-going the past few months: during verified fan for olivia rodrigo (smaller venues/not super similar tour setup), i’m pretty sure tm released most if not all of the available tickets during presale. i know of a ton of people who wanted tickets and were only able to get resale. same thing recently with lizzo tickets too - only resale was available about a month out from the show, for at least double face value. i think a lot of people have been burned by this system and that’s why so many want into the presale. tm makes bank by allowing resale bc they charge ticket fees every time the tickets trade hands, so they’re going to employ practices that maximize resale odds (esp selling more tickets earlier) :( at the same time, i also don’t think it will be as difficult to get tickets (presale or post) as others seem to think it will be, so fingers crossed for you!!! i hope everyone who wants to go gets to in a way that makes sense for them 💕 (also sorry for the novel of an ask lol)

Okay my friend wants me to go with them and asked if I was doing pre sale and I was like "what the point" but this is making me worry. The only time I saw Taylor(rep tour) I bought tickets like 6 weeks before and there were tons of seats for the original prices. I didnt think much of it. Now I am a little scared but also I too think there will be plenty of tickets later

[suchalonelysunflower]

You Said Forever (c.h)

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Based on the song “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo. You did everything you could to get over him, you talked to friends, went on long drives and even wrote him a song. Why cant you just let him go?

Warnings: Angst. Language. Mentions of alcohol. Some grammar mistakes? (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 6.7 k

Author’s Note: I’m so excited someone requested this! I highly recommend listening to the song before you read, references are in the text and dialogs. Please remember that Reblogs, Coments, Feedback and Likes are more than welcome and encouraged! You don’t know how much they help me 💕 Hope you like it and Happy reading 🦋

Fic of the week // My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

@rime-warrior : Hey love! Has anyone requested an imagine for Calum based on the song “Drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo yet? I think you’re the only one who would be able to do it any justice 😭💕

“I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fucking love you, babe”

You could hear the doorbell ring over the thunderous storm raging outside. It was late, probably closer to midnight than you imagined. Who could possibly be outside right now? especially in this kind of weather?

After four consecutive rings, you decided to get up from your spot on the bed and walk up to the door. It must be something very important for someone to startle you that way.

Once you got closer to the door you could also distinguish some strong bangs coming from the other side accompanied by the endless ringing “Okay, okay! I’m coming!” You called, but whoever was standing opposite to you mustn’t have heard you as they continued to disrupt the peace of a stormy night.

A shiver ran down your spine before you could reach the doorknob, almost like the ghost of a feeling, a warning for you not to open the door. Despite your common sense, you decided to open the door, already being too late to go back.

“Calum?”

He was standing in front of you, completely drenched from head to toes. His breathing was uneven, almost like he ran all the way over here, but his eyes were set on yours, unmoving as you both tried to take each other in.

“Calum-what is?-” Your words got stuck in your mouth as he pushed himself forward, grabbing your face delicately as he clashed his lips with yours.

You felt yourself melt into the kiss, making it everything you ever wished for. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss as you brought him closer to you. He was here, he was finally here with you. It all feels like a dream.

Your alarm clock marked 6 AM when you jumped from your dreams into reality. You should’ve known, everything was too good to be true.

You brought one hand to your face, trying to wipe away the tiredness of your eyes, but you found your cheeks were humid due to tears you didn’t even know you shed through the night, damping your pillow sheets once again.

It was always the same dream: Calum coming back to you. Night after night your mind drifted to another reality where you’d meet again, sometimes it was at a concert, other at the local café of your neighborhood that you used to love so much, but tonight was the first night where he appeared at your house. Which was funny considering that he hasn’t stepped foot in this place for almost a year.

You pushed your thoughts away as you tried to go back to sleep. And you did try, but the tossing and turning made you restless, you cursed your mind as the only thing you could see when you closed your eyes was Calum, standing at your door and asking for a kind of forgiveness you weren’t sure you could give. Although, who were you kidding?

Checking the clock once again you realized it was 20 past 6, still too early to go back to real life, but not too early to start and try to live a little.

Pushing yourself off the bed, you grabbed a big hoodie and some pair of sweatpants before putting on your running shoes and hopping into the bathroom to brush your teeth and clean your face before grabbing your keys and getting out of the house.

You sat on the driver’s seat, just like you did a thousand times, taking a big breath before starting the engine.

“You do know you have a perfectly good car in your driveway, right?”

You smiled at him and greeted him with a hug and a kiss as you climbed into the passenger's seat.

It was your usual morning routine. Ever since you met and he found out you lived nearby the studio he always volunteered to carpool with you. Since then, your mornings were filled with hugs, good coffee and stolen kisses you gave each other as the road to the studio became longer and longer thanks to all the detours you took.

“Hello, Calum. I’m very good, thank you for asking, how are you?”

Calum rolled his eyes and gave you a little peck on your lips “I would’ve been on time if I hadn’t had to pick your ass from the other side of town”

You lightly punched him in the arm “You know you love me” He smiled.

“That I do, darling. But I would love you more if you drove us from time to time”

“You know I don’t have a car!” Calum turned to you and pointed to the classic mustang sitting in front of your house, raising his eyebrows as if to ask if you were stupid “That’s my dad’s car!”

“That he kindly gave to you when he helped you move to LA so you could pursue your dream of becoming the next new sensation of music,” He said mocking a dreamy voice to try imitating you “He said it was yours, so it's yours! And honestly, it’s a pretty cool car if you ask me. A real chick magnet”

You mocked a gag at his old reference of movies from the 50’s “Sexist much?” You both laughed as he started the car and started driving “Anyways, he only gave me the car because mom was threatening to sell it on eBay if he didn’t get rid of it soon enough, so he could still come and get it whenever he wants to” You shrugged.

Calum started sniffing the air, “What?” You asked, sniffing as well in case there was something wrong.

“Do you smell that?” He asked with a concerned face.

“Smell what?”

He leaned closer to you and sniffed harder before whispering “The bullshit”

You scoffed and pushed him back “Haha very funny”

You waited until he stopped laughing, you never told him the truth, well two truths actually.

One: That you enjoyed the drives you had with him, it was a special time for the two of you to be yourselves without anyone to judge. You would laugh, sing, talk for hours as you sat in traffic under the city lights. It was the little moments that matter for the two of you, these were your little moments and you didn’t want to give them up just yet.

It was not easy being in a “relationship” that no one knew about, not even his bandmates, although you knew they were suspecting something. All the sneaking away while amid a recording session, hanging out in each other’s rooms, how adamant he was to carpool with you every day, even when he didn’t need to go to the studio… It was an easy tell, but it was also your private life.

You told yourself that it was for the best, that you shouldn’t mix work and personal life, especially when your personal life included Calum. He was adamant to keep whatever you had out of the public eye “What we have is good” He said, “Why ruin it with labels?” And you agreed, knowing that making everything official could just mess everything up. Calum was your best friend, after all, you would be damn if you lose him.

And for the second truth:

“I don’t know how to drive”

Just in time, the traffic light turned red. Calum turned to you in disbelief “Bluff” You shook your head, not looking at him just yet “Bluff! That can’t be right! Y/N how old are you?”

You shrugged again “I never needed to! I always enjoyed walking plus,” You said nudging your arm on Calum’s “I have the best driver right here!” You pecked his cheek with a kiss and saw how quickly they blushed, making you celebrate this tiny victory inside your head. You loved making him blush, it gave you some kind of security that he felt the same way.

Calum stared at you for a moment too long, making you self-conscious under his eyes. You could tell the gears were running inside his head “What if I teach you how to drive?”

You chuckled “Now I call your bluff”

“I’m serious!” He said, not taking his eyes from you “We have time before the tour starts, and that way you could drive us somewhere for once! You know? Picking me out and going on a date?”

Your eyes were set on him with an alarming tone, a what now? Was he serious? “You would do that for me?” You asked shyly, not wanting to fall into another of his pranks, but he seemed serious enough.

“Of course!” He said with a chuckle that accentuated all his dimples “Let’s get you your driver’s license, Y/N!”

Calum grabbed your hand and intertwined it with his, shaking it as a victory celebration and then placing a kiss on your knuckles. You laughed and reminded him where you were “Eyes on the road, Hood” even though the light was still red, you would rather him not noticing the red that tinted your cheeks and the loud beating of your heart.

You saw how the sun was starting to illuminate the coast as you drove by. Everything was so quiet this early in the morning and you were thankful, you needed this quiet so you could be alone with your thoughts once again. And, just like every day, that just meant you were thinking of Calum.

Could you blame him? Possibly, your friends said you should. But could you live with yourself knowing that you are holding a grudge towards someone who is probably unaware of it? Not in the slightest.

You were never official, not to the public at least, but in your heart, you knew he was the only one who could make you feel like this. He was the only one capable of making you laugh as hard as you did, cry the way that you did, and enjoy yourself to the fullest. You were your best when you were with him and now… How are you now?

Would he care?

You knew he loved you, he said so himself. The only thing you didn’t know was in what way. Did he love you like a lover? or just like a friend who he’d get to kiss and make love to from time to time?

The lump in your throat became stronger as you remember the last moments you had with him and all the promises he couldn’t keep. You tried to distract yourself, crying behind the wheel could be dangerous and you weren’t going to risk your life for him, not yet at least.

You turned on the radio in hopes that it would call your mind, at this point even the commercials would make you feel better if they made you think about anything but him.

“And now, Laurie. We have the hottest single of the year!” Said the radio host with the most cheerful tone a person could mutter this early “This up-and-coming artist debuted this single almost a month ago and it is still top of the charts in almost 34 countries all over the world!”

Now the lump in your throat came back but this time with a knot on your stomach as well. The first time you heard the song play on the radio you felt excited, after all this is why you came to LA in the first place. Yet the feeling became bittersweet in no time.

“My girls, boys, and non-binary folks; if you are in your car right now get ready to sing this at the top of your lungs with all the feelings you could muster and send a fuck you to your ex. This is ‘Driver’s License’ by Y/N L/N”

“I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always -”

You turned off the music and kept driving in silence.

You knew it was a bad idea to release the song you wrote about him. Maybe it was a petty move on your part, but… didn’t you have the right to be petty this time?

Either way is not like people would realize it was about him. It was your little secret, yours and Calum’s if he ever heard it, although you believe that if he did then he would’ve said something to you by now. Yet his silence was similar to the one in your car; deafening and heartbreaking.

“I don’t know Calum,” You said as you stared at your car parked in front of you “Is it safe to do it here?”

Calum was leaning on top of the hood, rolling his eyes at your indecision “Would you rather do it on the PCA?” You shot your eyes at him with a deathly glare, he just chuckled “I promise is okay, this parking lot is big enough and there are no cars left that you could accidentally hit”

You were both standing in the middle of the studio’s parking lot late at night. Calum insisted that this was the day you learned how to drive, so he spent the night at your place and today he drove you in your car, that way there would be no excuses left for you not to do it.

However, you were still hesitant. This was technically your father’s car, his other baby, and if you ever crash it you wouldn't know what you’ll do. Calum noticed your doubt and took a step closer to you, grabbing your hand in his to give you some sort of encouragement.

“Look, babe. It’s okay if you don’t want to do it. I won’t pressure you” He said softly “I just thought this could be fun for the both of us” He smiled “Fun and educational for that matter. But if you’re not ready then we can go home and-”

“I want to do it, Cal,” You said, “I just- I don’t know where to even begin!”

He chuckled and placed a kiss on your forehead, making all the butterflies in your stomach take flight.

“Tell you what,” Calum said confidently “You get behind the wheel and I’ll put us some inspirational music”

He walked back to the car to connect his phone to the speakers “You better put my song first!” You called after him as you walked towards the driver’s seat.

Calum laughed “God, I should’ve never told you that! Now your ego’s off the damn roof!” Soon enough he sat on the passenger’s seat next to you and buckled up.

“Not my fault that you think of me so often you want to put it into song” You teased, leaning in for a kiss that Calum was happy to oblige.

“Yes,” He said mid-kiss “It is completly your fault” Next thing you know ‘Kill My Time’ was playing on the radio, but Calum was not letting go of you just yet.

You wished this moment last forever, you wished every moment with Calum would last forever, but you both needed to breathe at some point “I wish I could kiss you all day long, I swear I could die on your lips and die happy” You said as you pressed your forehead to his, smiling like a fool in love.

“Soon, love,” Calum said as he crashed his lips against yours “Just wait until tour is over and then we’ll have forever to do just that”

You grinned at his words, a few days ago he promised to make your relationship publicly official once he came back from tour, that way you’ll have more time together as a fairly new couple. If he was willing to take that step, then you were more than ready to follow along. You knew you’d give everything for him if you had to and you still won’t regret it. You love him, and that was enough for you.

“Think I’m ready to start,” You said once you pulled away from him for the last time.

Calum nodded and patted his hand on your thigh “Okay, first you have to turn on the engine. Good, then you check all your mirrors and make sure your gear shift is on position-”

“My what?” You asked.

“Your gear shift, you know? The stick in-”

“Oh, you mean the PRNDL? You said, trying your hardest to stay serious, but failing to do so once you saw Calum’s face.

“You couldn't go one day without your references now, could you?” He said in amusing disbelief that had you both laughing.

The lesson was fairly simple, it just consisted of going forwards and on reverse a few times and practicing some turns in circles around the parking lot, and you were proud to say you were getting the hang of it pretty quickly. Calum turned out to be a great instructor with the patience of a god, he never got mad at you or showed that he was scared - even though it was pretty clear that he was, especially when you turned too far and almost hit a lamp post - and you appreciate him for that.

It was almost 2 AM when you decided to call it quits for the day and start back tomorrow. Calum was now behind the wheel driving you to your house so he could pick up his car and drive home.

“Cal?” You said once he parked in your driveway.

“Yes, love?”

“I’m really happy with you” You shyly admitted.

Calum’s heart beamed with love as he pulled you closer for a goodnight kiss “And I’m really happy with you”

You kissed him one more time before jumping out of the car “See you tomorrow!” He called before you watched him drive away.

The sound of a horn woke you up from your daydream memory. You didn’t know the light had just turned green until the car behind you started pounding their button and cursing at you to move.

You watched the white car from the rearview mirror as you drove away, it looked like his, all the white cars did, but you knew he couldn’t be here just yet, not until the tour was done.

A sinking feeling of hopelessness filled your inner thoughts once again. The promises he made faded like the wind in the summer once he stepped on that plane and decided that you were something he had to leave behind. It would’ve been good to know beforehand, that way you wouldn’t have wasted a year by the phone, hoping it would ring and that he’d be on the other line.

You glanced at the car’s clock one more time, it’s already too late to do anything, you’ve been driving around without a destination for hours when it only felt like minutes. Time is something you learn how to lose when you’re alone, minutes become meaningless once you realize there is no one there to share them with you, but it’s late and it was time to head home. You let out a sigh at the realization that your drive-through therapy didn’t work this time.

Deciding to take the long way home, you started to drive through the lesser-known streets of LA, hoping that you’d get lost somewhere and not knowing if anyone would care.

The dreams of running away came flashing down, more of an idea than an afterthought. Yes, you made it in LA, you have a hit song and your dreams are coming true. Why didn’t that feel like enough?

If you were gone, even just for a little bit, would anybody notice? If you just got up in your car and started driving somewhere unknown until the feeling of loneliness faded away. Could you drive your feelings away? Outrun them somehow?

You knew that if Calum could do it then so could you. It was so easy for him to just leave whatever you had behind, to leave you behind and hope that you were okay somehow. If he thought that you were okay then he maybe didn’t know you at all and you are probably better off without him, just like your friends say all the time.

But were you better off without him?

Tears started piling up in the corner of your eyes once again. No, you were not better off without him even though you want to be. And neither you are better off with him, if he ever came back to you, that is.

You swallowed a sob, trying your hardest not to break down again. It was useless, all the tears and all the songs and all the fuck him an attitude that you could muster… What was it for if not to dwell on your pain even more? You are still hurt and he still did not care.

You took a turn on the left, knowing the way like the back of your hand. You knew this path would lead you home, but you also knew it would lead you to his house as well.

The first time you did this was to practice how to find your way to Calum’s home without getting lost. You knew he wasn’t home and he wouldn’t be for many many months, but you wanted to surprise him once he got there, to pick him up and drive him to that date he promised you once he returned. Now, you avoided that road like a plague unless you had days like this, days in which missing him became everything you did, and now passing through his empty house gave you the reality check you desperately needed: He is gone. It also inspired you to write the song, it was a blessing and a curse.

You turned into the familiar street and looked to your right, you counted the houses passing by one, two, three, four… Until you spotted his old porch. Normally, that’s all you did. You would drive through his street and see the house dark and cold as his owner was out of town. But today there was a white car on his driveway.

Your breath got caught in your throat as you recognized the license plate, immediately stepping on the breaks and making the car stopped abruptly in front of the house.

That is his car… But how? You knew that Calum kept his car in Ashton’s place so they could drive up together to the airport every time they had to leave. What is it doing here? Tour didn’t end until a week from today and-

The sudden movement coming from the house pulled you from every rational thought as the front door opened. You held your breath as the person who stole all your sleepless nights came into view.

He was home.

Calum stepped out of his house with a bright smile on his face. His hair was shorter than the last time you’ve seen it, and he was less tanned, a fact that was easily noticeable thanks to the contrast of his leather jacket on his skin. But his dimples were intact as he smiled at whoever was inside the house.

A small figure came behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso as she was laughing at something he said. Her blond hair was falling down her back so elegantly, and her smile was bright as day as she hugged him, you wouldn’t have noticed that in the photos. She looked happy, but what broke you the most is that he looked happy as well.

He was home, but he was home with her.

You knew something was going on, even if there wasn’t anything official from either of them. You weren’t official, too. But seeing them was all the proof you needed to believe it. Believe that it was actually over and neither of you said goodbye.

You bit the inside of your cheek as silent tears started rolling down your face. You wanted to scream, to cry your hearts out, and let the world fuck itself over and over again. But for the love that you had on yourself, you promised that you wouldn't dignify him by making a scene. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to know you cared.

With that in mind, you wiped your tears and floored the gas pedal, driving away from the scene.

“Hey!!!!!”

“Guess what?”

“I PASSED THE TEST!”

“I can legally drive on my own now :D!”

Read 19:05

“Calum?”

“Oh, you must be at the concert now, my bad!”

“Let me know when we can FaceTime again! I can’t wait to tell you how it went! I’m so excited we can finally switch places and let me be the one in charge of the road, lol”

Read 23:54

“Is everything alright, Cal?”

Read 04:32

“I miss you”

Read July 19th 14:49

Last week you sent your last text to him and he still hadn’t responded yet. You tossed all night waiting for at least a smoke signal from him. He was gone for two months now and he never missed one of your calls, it was so unlike him, especially when he promised you to call every day he was on tour.

You tried to distract yourself by doing everything you could think of. You watched videos, listened to music, played candy crush over and over again, and still, there was no answer.

You were starting to give up when a notification from Twitter graced your screen, it read: “Calum Hood, bassist from the band 5 Seconds of Summer, seen cozying up with a mysterious girl in a nightclub two nights ago”

You blinked twice and reread the headline, hoping that your eyes were deceiving you.

“The Australian bassist seemed to be catching up with some friends and letting it all loose at a wild night here in London after their sold-out show in the O2 Arena.

Hood was wearing-”

You skipped all that unnecessary information, scrolling down to the bottom where you knew all media kept the real gossip. A bubble of anxiety started forming inside your throat, as your fingers moved over the screen. The atmosphere became heavy while you could hear your heart thundering inside your chest, every little beat it made was hurting you, almost like it was banging your ribcages begging to be set free.

Time stood still as you looked at the pictures, not wanting to believe your eyes as they analyzed every detail of it.

There he was, hugging a blond woman from behind and resting his face on her shoulders just like he used to do with you. Even from the picture, you could tell she was gorgeous. The next picture showed her wrapping her arms around his neck and smiling at him. He had his hands cupping her cheeks, his face denoted a serious expression, but the look in his eyes was fixed on her.

He kissed her in the third picture, his hands still cupping her cheeks. It seemed like he was smiling through the kiss.

The last picture had them sitting on some kind of leather sofa. She was sitting on his lap and his hands were wandering very close to her butt, holding her close to him.

“The fans of the band wasted no time on identifying the mysterious girl. She seems to be the new tour assistant manager of the boys. Let’s hope that work and pleasure don’t get between this beautiful couple #goals<3”

The stream of tears was never-ending. You couldn’t understand what was going on, why Calum hasn’t said anything to you, why-why did he let it happen? Something was not right, and it wasn’t just your breathing getting heavy inside your lungs or your shaky hands as you typed the next text.

“We need to talk, please call me?”

You got no answers that night as you cried yourself to sleep, realizing that you had no one to comfort you cause nobody knew that you two were even together. You were utterly alone.

The next morning you woke up to no text from him, not even a call or a voicemail.

Read 08:45

You forced yourself to finish your nighttime routine. Ever since you came back home you did nothing but cry, but not of sadness, you were crying of anger.

With him being far away it almost didn’t seem real. You allowed yourself to create some sort of fantasy where he would come back to you, to start over where you left off and be together for everyone to see. How foolish.

You thought that he’ll hear your song and he’ll be running back to you to apologize, to ask if you still love him like before. But he won’t, because he is happy without you while you rot in your own pity party.

You grabbed hold onto the counter, trying to hold the tears as everything suddenly became clear as day. All the red flags you ignored were now shining as candy apples. He made a fool of you and didn’t even dignify you with at least some kind of warning or apology. He brought you down and now it was up to you to climb back up and even higher than before.

How could he?

All the memories you held close to your heart were burning in the pyre of your soul. You loved him, you knew you did. But all you meant for him was just a summer fling, something to waste time on before the real thing came along.

But he loved you…

Did he?

He spent entire days and nights next to you. He told you stories no one’s ever heard of. He sang to you to sleep and wrote you the most beautiful poems you’ve ever read. He picked you up every day and stayed with you until it was your time to leave. He made you feel welcome and there was not a day where you didn’t feel safe around his arms. He was your best friend. He taught you how to drive and what it meant to feel something real, something as important as the love you could have for someone. He loved you, he said he did, he promised he did.

Maybe love was not enough for him.

Your mind was divided, fighting over and over and over again about the same thing. Part of you cursed his name while the other part just wanted to be held by him, telling you that it will all be okay. But you couldn't even trust yourself on this one.

The doorbell rang, one, two, three times.

You were not going to answer it. One look in the mirror and you knew you couldn't answer anyone in this state. Your eyes were puffy and red, your cheeks were hollowed from not eating all day. There was nothing you could do to make you look or feel better, so whoever was behind the door will have to find another way to disturb the chaos in your mind.

However, they were persistent. With the ring of the doorbell came a few bangs. It seemed urgent.

You took one last look at yourself before deciding with a sigh to go and open the door. Whoever it was must have a good reason to come banging at your door a little past midnight.

“I’m coming!” You called, voice coming out a little hoarse from crying all night.

A shiver ran down your back and you felt like you were here before, in this exact moment where all your instincts told you to walk away. You decided to ignore them as you gently turned the doorknob and opened the door. Immediately wishing you didn’t.

“Calum?”

He stood in front of you, soaked from head to toe. Hands in the pockets of his jacket, not the leather one, but one more cozy. He was also wearing a pair of sweatpants and part of his hair was stuck on his forehead. You didn’t realize it was raining.

“Can I come in?” He asked, not even a hello.

You debated on whether or not to let him in. Part of you wanted to throw him back into the streets, but a storm was coming - much in the literal and subliminal way, and you didn’t want him to drive in this weather, you still care for him even though you shouldn’t.

With a simple nod, you opened the door wide enough so he could enter the house, a little “thank you” came out of his mouth as he stepped inside for the first time in over a year.

You closed the door and started walking into the kitchen with Calum following you like a stray dog. Your hands were shaking so you hid them behind your back as you slowly wrapped your arms around you in an attempt to comfort you throughout this whole ordeal.

Calum is standing in front of you on the other side of the island. He is not looking at you, but rather he is looking at his feet. You figured he was too scared to be the first one to talk and it broke your heart that he has suddenly become shy around you when you used to tell each other everything. ‘But whose fault is that?’ You thought.

Now you were just two strangers in a room.

“I thought you’d still be on tour,” You said, breaking the silence that has fallen upon you.

Calum looked up and he almost looked thankful that you spoke first “The last two venues canceled at the last minute due to weather conditions,” He said “So we came back earlier than expected”

You nodded and faced the other way. The fact that he was here in your home made your stomach turn and not in a good way. You always thought him coming back was going to be something joyful, but it became more painful as time went by.

“They closed café Mariannete while I was gone” He said, was he really going to talk about that right now? Did he came over here to reminisce about the café you used to have breakfast in?

“I didn’t know. I don’t go there anymore”

More awkward silence came upon you. You both knew he was bullshiting his way into the real conversation he was avoiding to have. He always used to do that and you have forgotten how much you hated it.

“Were you driving by my house today?” He asked and you froze on the spot. You didn’t think that he saw you.

“I was,” You cleared your throat “I was coming back home”

“And you didn’t say hello” It was more a statement than a question.

A sour taste filled your mouth. How dare he? “You were busy enough” You knew it was a petty answer, but what did he expect?

A flash of hurt came through Calum’s eyes as he said nothing in return. He knew you saw him with her, so he had no excuse to push the topic back to you.

The atmosphere was tense as the only thing you could hear was the ticking of the clock and the raindrops falling through your window. There was so much to say and yet none of you were brave enough to muster them.

You had every right to be mad and he had a right to explain himself, but you were not going to be the first one to cave in. Not without hearing from him first.

Eventually, Calum got restless of the silence.

“Your song is amazing,” He said, pleading for an answer that didn’t contain poison in your words “Ashton showed it to us the day it came out”

So he has heard it, you didn’t know if you should be proud or ashamed “Thanks”

“I forgot to congratulate you on your number one”

“You forgot to do a lot of things”

If there was ever a moment where you could give him the chance to redeem himself, this was it.

You saw how Calum shifted his weight from foot to foot, he had his lips pressed in a thin line and you could see how his eyes changed and fell into a deep pit of regret as tears were forming in the corner of his eye.

“I know the song’s about me-” He said.

“How did you figure that out?” You said sarcastically.

“Y/N…” He pleaded, running a hand through his face, but you were having none of that.

“Why did you do it, Calum?”

You needed an answer, something you could hold onto to eventually let go. Calum, however, was almost speechless.

The ticking of the clock became even louder as you counted the seconds until he spoke again. One, two, three…

Ten “I don’t know”

The answer cut right through you as you let a stream of tears roll down your cheek, not lifting your head to look at him in the eyes. It wasn’t what you expected, it was way worse.

Calum noticed your crying and started panicking, spilling every thought he had through his mouth “I-I don’t- I was drunk and she was there with our groups of friends and we were too drunk to even take notice of what was happening and we just kissed and- Y/N, I’m not perfect. We weren’t perfect, we weren’t even official and it was only a kiss and I thought it would be okay but then the tabloids and your message and I just- And she’s a great friend, she didn’t mean any harm but things happened and-” He stammered, unable to connect his thoughts as he desperately tried to fix something so you would stop crying.

“For me it was perfect” You cried “We were perfect in my mind, you made it perfect. God, Calum. Why didn’t you tell me? I spent months in agony trying to figure it out, to make it make sense! I beat myself up over and over again and there you were having the time of your life with a stranger!” Your voice was loud, not enough to yell, but enough to make it clear that you were fuming.

“What are you talking about?!” Calum said matching the tone of your voice “I missed you every fucking day but there was nothing I could do about it! You don’t know shit of what you’re talking about!”

You scoffed “Oh yeah! It surely seemed like you missed me! You never called me once, Calum. Not even to apologize and try to make it better”

“I didn’t know how!” He said, “I was scared that-”

“That I’d hate you?”

“That you’d forgive me,” Calum said in one breath, making you stare in shock “I-I didn’t want you to forgive me, Y/N, cause you deserve so much better. On tour I realized that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, no matter how much you mean to me and I didn’t know how to tell you that so-”

“And are you ready now? That’s why you are with her?” You interrupted, head filled with anger to even think straight.

“I’m not ready to be with either of you!”

The room felt silent once again.

You had no answer to that and you weren’t sure you wanted to hear more from him.

The rain outside your window started to calm down, only droplets of water were left as the memory of the storm that almost was.

Your legs gave out a minute later, sliding you down slowly onto the floor. Calum walked up to you and sat next to you, neither of you saying anything for what it seemed like hours.

“You said you loved me…” You said with a faint voice.

Calum sighed “I did. I do”

“And you love her too?”

He thought about it “I don’t know. I might” You closed your eyes as a tear fell down your cheek “She’s good to me, Y/N. And we really got close but-”

“I know,” You said with a soft sniffle “We weren’t perfect either”

“You do know I love you, right?” He said softly, turning his face towards you “And that everything we had was real. Every minute of it, every word in every song was true and it still is. All was real and it’s still there somewhere. I still want you in my life, Y/N, cause you make it better. I just,” He sighed “I need to figure my shit out”

“Yeah, you do” You said, making him chuckle darkly “But I can’t promise I’ll be here”

“I wouldn’t ask you to”

You sat there in silence for a few more moments, just enjoying each other's company before everything fades away.

“I love you, too” You said in a whisper, hoping that he won’t hear “I still fucking love you”

Calum sighed “I know”

“Guess that you didn’t mean what you wrote on that song about me

‘Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street”

.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth h @notinthesameguey @myloverboyash @yeah-and69 @fckingpernico

* if your url is crossed please reach out to me so we can fix it

[clayray3290]

Clayray Closeout 2020

Alrighty, I am writing this in 2021 because I had things to do on New Year’s Eve lol.

Well, 2020 has been quite a difficult year. I am grateful to be as fortunate as I am, but at the same time, most of the year I have spent full of rage and despair and frustration and fear and grief at all of the loss and all of the injustice and just all of the horrific things that have happened this year. For 2021, I’m trying to find hope and to gather strength to persevere and keep on doing my part in fighting for what is right and contributing good to the world.

Art played a huge part in helping me get through this year, so let me take a look back at some of that great art:

Music - Artists

BTS

Jesse & Joy

Niall Horan

Glass Animals

McFly

Taylor Swift

Fiona Apple

Little Mix

Chloe x Halle

Secret

Who knew BTS would top this list? I’ve followed them from before their debut, but I am a casual fan at best. Though I was supposed to take my mom (who is a bigger fan than I am) to the concert at the Rose Bowl this year...until the pandemic happened.

Obviously, I did not go to any concerts this year, so there are no artists that got a bump from my having seen them live this year. However, some old standbys released some new albums this year - Jesse & Joy, Glass Animals, McFly, Little Mix. And speaking of Little Mix, news of Jesy’s departure from the group sent me into a spin down memory lane listening to their discography more. Also T. Swift’s two (2!!) new albums were in heavy rotation as well.

Secret made this list too, even though of course they’re disbanded now. My love for them stays strong, and their solo releases this year I enjoyed - Particularly Jieun’s Make It Love.

Chloe x Halle I started listening to much more than before, because “Ungodly Hour” is a fantastic album. Which juuuuust missed the cut of my top albums.

Music - Albums

BTS - MAP OF THE SOUL: 7

Niall Horan - Heartbreak Weather

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series Cast - High School Musical: The Musical: The Series Original Soundtrack

Jesse & Joy - Aire (Versión Día)

Fiona Apple - Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Starry Cast - Starry

Glass Animals - Dreamland

ZOMBIES 2 Cast - ZOMBIES 2 Original TV Movie Soundtrack

Taylor Swift - folklore

Beyoncé - The Lion King: The Gift [Deluxe Edition]

HSMTMTS and Z2 are products of work, but there generally are some fantastic songs from these soundtracks that I love independently. Olivia Rodrigo has turned out to be a star, and “All I Want” is gorgeous. And “Flesh & Bone” in particular is incredible and young people found such meaning from its lyrics, like “No more hesitation, it’s time we start to realize / With all this separation, silence is still taking sides.”

I have a fraught relationship with Glass Animals’ Dreamland right now because I had bought a limited edition vinyl, but there has been a whole rigmarole because it was super delayed (literally months!) and I went home to Michigan and so then I had to change the delivery address to my friend’s, and then she moved, too, so it has been a whole thing.

Starry is an as-yet unstaged musical about Vincent van Gogh, and it is exquisite. Please give it a listen and fall in love with it like I did.

Lastly, I once heard “Fetch the Boltcutters” as “Vegetable Goddess” and I cannot unhear it.

Movies

Soul Yes, would love if we could have a Black protagonist be a Black protagonist for the whole movie, but look, this is a beautiful beautiful film that is so meaningful. I cried so much.

The Old Guard It would be an honor to be slayed by Charlize Theron, Kiki Layne, or Gina Prince-Bythewood.

Palm Springs A delightful time loop take, and just so darn charming.

Emma. Works better as a comedy than a romance, but lusciously shot and Anya Taylor-Joy takes one of the trickiest Austen heroines and brings her to full life.

A Recipe for Seduction Okay, this one’s a joke. The KFC x Lifetime “movie” is ridiculous, but I have no regrets watching it.

The above list is just of movies that newly came out in 2020.

I watched a whopping 390 movies in 2020, 200 of which were Quarantine Movies with my friend Richard w/a Beard (Our 200th was BLOODY NEW YEAR, literally begun on New Year’s Eve with just moments left of 2020). Rw/aB and I watch mostly B-movies, slashers, giallos, psychedelic musicals, 80′s sex comedies, kung fu movies, and made-for-TV kids’ movies. And the KFC x Lifetime movie. (For the record, my top 5 of these movies would be: Blood Beat, Killer Workout, Pieces, StageFright: Aquarius, Mr. Boogedy. Honorable Mention to The Apple and Miami Connection.)

Honorable Mention: Sound of Metal (Technically a 2019 movie), Lucky Grandma (Also a 2019 movie), Hala (Again 2019), the Disney+ music specials like Hamilton and Black Is King, the Pixar SparkShorts particularly Loop, our DCOM releases this year - Zombies 2 and Upside-Down Magic and Secret Society of Second-Born Royals

Films I Want To See But Haven’t Yet: Minari (I can’t believe I haven’t seen it yet), One Night in Miami..., Definition Please, Disclosure, The Forty-Year-Old Version, The Personal History of David Copperfield (DEV PATEL), Nomadland

Television

I May Destroy You What an awe-inspiringly incredible show. Michaela Coel is a force.

Ted Lasso On a much lighter note than I May Destroy You, lol. This show could’ve been so stupid, but it is actually so deft and wise and mature. And just so full of heart.

The Baby-Sitters Club It is hard to take a beloved work and reboot it. But this show not only made it contemporary, but updated it to be relevant and to ring true for today. And it is just simply a really good show. 

Normal People My heart aches from this show, and in the best way.

Little Fires Everywhere This show took an incredible book and distilled it into its best form, packing just such gut punches along the way.

Not New: Pen15, Crash Landing on You (Did a group watch with friends for this, like we did with Erkenci Kus last year!), Schitt’s Creek, What We Do in the Shadows, Watchmen, Kidding, Succession

Honorable Mentions: Never Have I Ever, The Queen’s Gambit, Lovecraft Country, Bridgerton, Dead Still (A show about a Victorian dead people photographer!), The Amber Ruffin Show (I’m not actually much of a late night person, but I adore Amber Ruffin), Dash & Lily, Supermarket Sweep Reboot, Julie and the Phantoms, Taste the Nation, Little America, The Stranger (RIP Quibi)

Shows I Haven’t Finished Yet But Will: Ramy, Saved by the Bell Reboot, Gentefied, The Mandalorian, Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

According to my Trakt, I watched 282 hours of TV and 522 hours of movies in 2020 (But this was before the last week of 2020, so this is an undercount). That’s 805 hours total, which would be about 33.5 days lmao, so basically a month of my year was spent watching something hahahahahaha. I watch a lot.

But apparently, I listen even more? According to my Last.fm, I scrobbled 30,916 songs, making for total listening time of 74 days and 8 hours. Whew! Well, let’s get into my top songs then~