#i am going to the eeps i just wanted to make this silly post first

[emberunderscore]

see i'm not even going to bed that late today it's only *check clock* TWO AM?? GODDAMN IT

[just-another-blog-of-fluff]

A Duel Between Brothers

Word count: 2750

Ok, so this one is one I started months ago, even before most of the other fics I've written, but I never finished it. I just randomly got inspired to finally write the ending. Hope it came out alright!

This one guest stars Thor (trying to write for some other characters here and there!)

* * *

All you had wanted was to sit quietly and watch some TV. Simple, really.

You didn’t expect to walk in on a full-on brawl between the two Asgardian brothers. If you could call it that, really.

You had been making your way down to the common area in the tower when you heard the shouting. At first you were concerned someone was in the process of being beaten to death, the yelling was so loud. Then you noticed the booming laughter strewn throughout the shouts, and you breathed a sigh of relief. Just the boys again… you thought, slowly approaching the doorway to the common area.

Thor and Loki often fought with one another, so this didn’t really come as a surprise to you. What you didn’t expect was to find Loki pinning his brother to the floor, Thor’s laughter echoing through the room as Loki tickled him mercilessly. The sight was sort of adorable.

“It’s not as enjoyable as it was when we were children when you are on the receiving end, now, is it brother?” Loki taunted. Thor reached up to shove his brother off, but Loki was agile, his fingers darting under the elder brother’s arms so he’d clamp them down at his sides.

You felt heat prickle in your cheeks as you stood quietly in the doorway. You were quite ticklish yourself, although no one in the tower was privy to that information just yet. It was unclear whether you were happy or disappointed by this – you actually enjoyed being tickled, in a fun, playful, sometimes flirty way. You also had a weird tendency to feel ‘sympathy ticklish’ when you saw someone else being tickled. Of course, these weren’t things you wanted to openly admit. So, you tried to stay out of the way in the rare instances you came across a tickle fight such as this in the tower.

After watching for a few moments, you already felt tingles on your sides and a small smile growing on your face. You turned to walk back out of the room quietly before the boys noticed your presence. Unfortunately, you’d waited just a moment too long.

“Lady Y/N! Plehehease! I-I require assistance!” Thor begged. You stopped dead in your tracks and spun back around to find both Thor and Loki’s eyes on you. Loki had let up on his brother for a moment as he observed you with a questioning look.

“Oh, uh… I don’t want to get in the middle of this. Sorry Thor, you’re on your own,” you stammered, remaining at a safe distance in the doorway.

“Were you planning to use the common room, Y/N? Please, don’t feel you need to leave on our accord,” Loki insisted, resuming his attack. You took a few gradual steps into the room, unsure how best to proceed from here. If you appeared too anxious and left, surely, you’d give yourself away. If you stayed, you’d have to watch the boys fighting, and your expression may also give you away. You opted for a sort of in-between option for now, standing a few feet away from the brothers but not yet making yourself comfortable.

“Are you sure I won’t be in the way?” you asked timidly, though loudly enough to be heard over Thor’s boisterous laughter.

“Please. Sit down. Pay us no mind,” Loki insisted, conversing casually as if he wasn’t currently torturing his brother. Reluctantly, you sat gingerly on the couch and picked up the remote to turn on the TV.

You couldn’t bring yourself to relax into the couch cushions, so you sat unmoving while trying to avoid looking at the brothers on the floor a few feet away. You couldn’t help but steal an occasional glance at the pair. It was taking everything you had not to start giggling nervously as you watched Loki tormenting his brother. You could only imagine what it would be like if you were in Thor's position...

“Were you planning to use the remote? Or were you simply hoping the television would magically turn itself on?” Loki asked, jerking you from your thoughts.

“What?” You looked down at the remote in your hand, still unused. “Oh. Yes. I was going to watch some TV.”

“You seem a bit… uneasy,” Loki noted, finally releasing his brother as he turned his full attention to you.

“Brother, you will pay for-“ Thor was silenced before he could finish his threat as Loki held his hand up, silencing him.

“What do you mean?” you asked innocently.

“You clearly seem distracted by something. Normally you’re shoving people out of the way to get to the remote to watch your silly reality television programs, but today you seem to have forgotten how to turn the television on. And you’re stiff as a post.” His eyes narrowed a bit as he tried to analyze your expression, and you felt a blush creeping up your neck.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Loki. I’m fine.” You leaned back against the couch cushions to prove your point and propped your feet up on the coffee table, aiming the remote at the TV. Before you could press the ‘on’ button, Loki stepped between you and the cable box, a slow smirk spreading across his lips.

“Tell me, Y/N… are you ticklish?” Your eyes widened for a moment, almost imperceptibly, at the unexpected question. Quickly, though, you tried to regain your composure, clearing your throat, and steeling yourself.

“No, Loki. What would make you think that?” you inquired, fighting to hide the smile that was tugging at the corners of your mouth.

“You’re not exactly subtle, darling.” The mischievous glint in his eye made you jumpy, and you slowly rose to your feet to move away from the advancing Asgardian. “For one, you’ve been blushing furiously since entering the room to find me torturing my brother. And that is only after you attempted to leave before we noticed your presence.” He started to take a few steps toward you as you slowly backed away, cursing your face for having betrayed you. “In addition, you’re already attempting to hide what I assume to be your most vulnerable areas,” he gestured at your arms folded across your ribs, which you promptly lowered to your sides. Your back suddenly met the cold plaster of the wall, and you mentally cursed yourself for literally backing yourself into a corner.

“I-I really think you’re o-overanalyzing this, Loki… you’re just being r-ridiculous,” you insisted, pressing yourself flat against the wall as Loki blocked your exit, placing a hand against the wall on either side of your head.

“Oh, am I?” His face was now only inches away from yours as his impish smirk continued to grow bigger. “Well, darling – there’s only one way to find out.”

Without any additional warning, he brought his hands down to latch onto your sides. The suddenness of his movement made you shriek as you grabbed hold of his wrists. He kept his fingers still, pressing just gently enough into your skin to set your nerves on fire.

"Wait, wait, wait! C-can't we talk about this?" you asked nervously, the god leering down at you with an evil grin on his face. He applied just a bit more pressure with his fingers, causing your breath to hitch in your throat.

"Any last words?" Loki asked, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"I- eep!!" You opened your mouth to respond, but he suddenly began kneading his fingers into the soft skin of your sides, causing you to squeal and begin giggling rapidly. Your knees buckled as your muscles weakened with laughter, and you slid down the wall as you sank to the floor.

“Oh no, you’re not going to escape that easily,” Loki teased, halting his attack to scoop you up off the floor and carry you over to the couch, holding fast despite your thrashing.

“Whyhyhy?!” you cried, still giggling from the residual ticklish tingles in your sides and the giddiness you felt at suddenly being swept up into Loki’s arms. “What did I do to you??”

“God of Mischief, darling,” Loki mused, dropping you unceremoniously on the couch you’d been seated on when this all began. Before you could move to escape, he planted himself down on your legs to keep you from kicking him as he dug his fingers into your sides once again. You batted at his hands with your own, trying to cover your weak spots as best as possible. “Now, Y/N, you’re making this difficult. Thor, a little assistance here please?”

“Certainly, brother!” Thor obliged, grasping your wrists and pinning them above your head, leaving you feeling even more vulnerable to Loki’s ticklish onslaught.

“Thohohor! Why are you helping him??” you pleaded, tugging at your arms to no avail.

“I apologize, Lady Y/N, but you should have assisted me when I requested your help,” Thor replied, his tone somber but his eyes bright with amusement. “In addition, you are adorably ticklish!” You groaned, your face burning even more, if that were even possible.

“Now then, tell me – where else are you 'not' ticklish?” Loki queried, moving his torturous fingers to your belly without awaiting an answer. You shrieked and squirmed a bit harder, which Loki turned into a game, moving both hands to one side and then rapidly switching to the other when you twisted and exposed yourself. “You’re not doing a very good job maintaining your blatant lies, Y/N.”

“OKAHAHAHAY! I’m ticklihihish! You wihihin!” you implored.

“Yes, I believe we’ve established that, thank you,” Loki replied sarcastically. “I’m having too much fun now to let you off that easily. Where was it you were trying to hide? Oh yes, I remember!” He dug his fingers into your ribs and your laughter grew more desperate, your muscles turning to jelly as he spidered up and down your ribcage.

Meanwhile, you felt another five fingers start scratching underneath one of your arms. You squealed, glancing up to see Thor hovering over you with a huge grin on his face, still grasping both your wrists in his other hand.

“NOHOHO THOR!!” you pleaded, the sensation overwhelming you between Loki’s fingertips drilling in between your ribs while Thor simultaneously spidered his fingers in the hollows under your arms, swapping between each side to keep you squirming.

“Brother, we do not want to kill our little friend here,” Thor warned as your laughter was growing silent, hiccoughing intermittently.

“I suppose you’re right,” Loki agreed, stilling his fingers against your upper ribs but not yet releasing you completely. Even the feeling of his fingertips pressing into your sides, unmoving, was unbearable; keeping you giggling and squirming. “I’m not even tickling you! Have you gone mad?”

“Nohoho, I can’t help ihihit!” you whined. Loki finally let go of your ribcage and Thor released your wrists, allowing you to breathe for a moment.

You certainly weren’t expecting to get yourself in this predicament when you’d entered the common room. You supposed you could have maybe pictured a situation like this with Thor, but never with Loki. While he did have a trickster reputation, you’d never really thought of him as the playful type.

You’d become friends with Thor almost immediately. On numerous occasions, you’d hung out with him and some of the other Avengers in between missions, showing him the art of Midgardian video games and laughing at his overenthusiastic excitement. In a way, Thor was like the older brother you never had.

With Loki, things were different. During the few months you’d been living in the compound, you had interacted with Loki only intermittently during mealtimes or in the training room. He didn’t say much except to his brother, but his sharp wit and sarcastic sense of humor had drawn you to him, and not in a familial sense. It was odd, really; you had only said a few words to him here and there, and yet you felt yourself falling for him hard and fast. There had been just a few longer conversations that you treasured – discussions about a mission, or a novel he was reading or a movie you had watched. He was always friendly when you spoke, but it was hard to know how interested he really was in chatting with you.

You’d been hoping to capture his attention somehow, but around Loki you seemed to forget how to formulate proper sentences. Never in a million years did you expect to find yourself pinned down and tickled senseless by the God of Mischief. But now that it was happening, you weren’t ready for it to end just yet.

You seized the opportunity while Loki and Thor thought you were still weakened from laughter to reach out and grab hold of Loki’s sides, getting in a quick squeeze or two before he grabbed hold of your wrists.

“Haven’t had enough, yet, have we? Oh darling, you’re going to regret that,” Loki warned ominously, pinning your wrists to his chest with one hand and digging into your ribs once again. A new wave of helpless giggles spilled from your lips, and you yanked desperately to pry your wrists out of Loki’s grasp. “It’s adorable that you think you can escape me, really. I am a god – do you truly think your strength outmatches mine while you are in such a weakened state?”

“Lohoho… Loki!! Stahahahp teasing!” you pleaded.

You hadn’t noticed Thor’s absence above your head until you felt a large hand wrap around your ankle. You shrieked as a finger traced the bottom of your foot, tugging your leg to pull out of Thor’s grasp.

“Brother, what in the nine realms are you doing to make her thrash so much?” Loki asked, turning to look back at Thor without halting his attack on your ribs.

“Well, brother, it appears our little friend has ticklish feet as well,” he responded casually, an air of amusement in his tone as he wrapped both ankles in a headlock with one arm and fluttered his fingers up and down both soles simultaneously with his free hand.

“GUHUHUYS!! I CAHAHAN’T!!” you shrieked through wild laughter.

“I suppose we should let up so our dear mortal can breathe,” Loki pondered aloud, slowing his fingers to simply scratch at the bottom of your ribs. Thor released your ankles as well, returning to your side so he could grin down at you with endearment. You pushed Loki’s wrists away from your torso so you could curl up and wrap your arms around your ribcage, residual giggles still bubbling from your chest.

“Rehehe… remind me not to walk in on a tickle fight between you boys ever again,” you mused, chest heaving with exertion.

“A poor decision, really,” Loki agreed, smirking down at you.

“Brother, we should allow Lady Y/N to watch her television program, now that we’ve finished tormenting the poor girl,” Thor urged, tugging on Loki’s arm.

“Wait!” You sat up, stopping them before they turned to walk out of the room. “I… uh… I don’t mind if you guys want to stay and hang out. Watch a movie or something..?”

Loki looked at you with surprise and confusion written across his face. If you hadn’t known any better, you’d have thought that just maybe you saw a hint of red tinged across his sharp cheekbones. Thor smiled, glancing over at you, then back up at his brother.

“I do apologize, but I have a prior engagement I must attend,” Thor responded woefully. “However, Loki would most certainly love to keep you company, wouldn’t you brother?” Loki shot him a wide-eyed look as Thor pounded his large hand against the back of his shoulder, causing him to lurch forward a bit from the impact. Thor’s smirk never faltered, his eyebrows elevating ever so slightly as he held Loki’s stare.

“I would like that,” you said after a moment, breaking the silence. Loki’s head turned to look at you, and upon seeing your pleading eyes staring up at him, his face broke out into a genuine smile.

“Well, who am I to say no, then?” He took a seat beside you on the couch as you aimed the remote at the TV, searching through the movie list. Thor bade you goodbye as he ducked out of the room, leaving you alone with the handsome trickster sitting beside you.

The opening credits began scrolling across the screen. Maybe it was the residual adrenaline from having been tickle tortured only moments before, but a surge of bravery ran through you, and you leaned your head against Loki’s shoulder. You were rewarded with a gentle laugh, vibrating from deep in his chest. He wrapped his arm around you and tugged you closer, his hand resting against your side. You flinched as his fingers twitched, digging slightly into your skin.

“Sorry, love – I couldn’t resist,” he chuckled in response to the playful glare you shot at him. He moved his hand to rest on your arm, and you nestled in comfortably against his side. You weren’t sure yet exactly what this was, but you most definitely liked where it was headed.

[kaydeefalls]

Tagged by: @andrea-lyn​, and obviously I’m currently procrastinating, so it’s meme time! 

Name(s):  I’ve been kaydee falls on the internet since 1998. Not gonna change it now. :P

Fandom(s): Primarily The Old Guard at the moment, if you couldn’t tell by the... *gestures vaguely at my entire tumblr since July* ...but also still active this year in X-Men and Star Wars (must finish WIP, goddamn it), and once I’m in a fandom, I almost never truly leave it.

Where you post: AO3 exclusively at this point.

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos) 
this year :  life is very long, my first Old Guard fic, which holy SHIT leapt up into my top five fics by kudos of all time TERRIFYINGLY quickly -- I know it’s just luck, I got it posted like a week after the movie hit Netflix and right as the fandom boom hit but before there were very many fics to read, so very much a right-place-at-the-right-time situation there; Overall: Logical Deduction, a very silly old Remus/Sirius fic, and it cracks me up that this ridiculous little fic from 2006 somehow climbed to the top of my stats. It’s not very good, but it’s funny, so...I guess?


Most Popular Multi-Chapter (by kudos)
 Overall: Huh, this one surprised me, but apparently The Rose of Jericho, which was my Jack/Ianto COE fixit fic. I don’t often break fics into chapters, although I’ve started picking up the habit over the past year.

Favorite story you’ve written so far:
 Depends on the time of day and my mood. ;) But usually I land on either Boden’s Mate (X-Men/Inception crossover) or she's the one that they call old whatsername (always-a-girl!Kirk and still my only Star Trek fic to date). I have an enduring fondness for those two in particular.

Fic you were nervous to post: I don’t really get nervous about posting fic? I guess because I’ve been doing this shit since I was thirteen years old. And I’ve been lucky in that I’ve only VERY rarely gotten nasty comments, which is the only thing I can think of to be nervous about. My fics might land with a thud sometimes and get very little response, which makes me a little sad because I’m a writer and I like feedback, but that’s not something that causes me anxiety.

How do you choose your titles?: I raid song lyrics and poetry for titles like 95% of the time. Titles are the WORST.

Do you outline?: I tend to bulletpoint once I get into writing a fic, just to keep track of where I’m going. Sometimes it gets detailed; more often it’s just stream-of-consciousness. Or laying out the scenes I know I need to write as a way to gauge my own progress and feel like I’m getting somewhere, eep.

Complete: 7 works posted so far this year (including 1 vid), 1 of which is still a WIP; I should have two more by end of year, since I’ve got two challenge deadlines right at the end of December. 195 total works on AO3. This year I set myself the goal of posting 100k words, and I’m already at 121k, so I’m quite pleased with that! I’m not a super prolific writer, but the fics I post tend to be in the 10-40k word range, so.

In-Progress: Right now I’ve got:

-When It Alteration Finds, the Poe/Finn soulmark WIP AU that I desperately need to fucking finish already, I have ONE CHAPTER LEFT, what is wrong with me.

-Old Guard Big Bang fic, actively in progress and already MUCH longer than I ever intended it to be, oh god make it stop

-Old Guard Holiday Exchange fic, which I have not actually started yet but it’s due in a few weeks so I’m actively THINKING about it at least, that totally counts

-Festivids! I have a vague idea for my vid -- already know the song/fandom I’m going with -- but need to finish the fics first because the Festivids deadline is later.

-...I’m not allowed to think about any other WIPs until the two Old Guard fics are done because those deadlines are fast approaching.

Coming soon/not yet started: Who even knows at this point. I’m fairly confident that the TOG fandom is gonna be stuck with me for a while yet, though. And honestly, I tend to hyperfixate on one fic at a time, so I don’t usually have much planned out in advance.

Prompts?: You know, I’ve never really done prompts? Apart from fandom challenges like Yuletide (which I’m sitting out this year and it’s WEIRD). I’m always open to prompts but don’t like to make any promises, because either an idea hits me or it doesn’t, and if it doesn’t, it’s not a reflection on the prompt itself, but I’m not gonna force myself to write it.

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: TOG Big Bang! It’s already blown up into a WAY longer fic than I planned, so dear god I hope it’s worth it. I am SUPER excited for the art, though, because my artist is freaking awesome.

Tagging anyone who wants to play!

[fan-tasticfour]

Did I hear a request for literally all of Uendo Toneido’s in-game dialogue? Cuz now you’re getting it.

( Dedicated to @alexandritethegreat who commented in tags on another post: “#i admire the op because i'd just list like all of their lines”. )

( ...Also under a Read More because this post is MASSIVE. )

[ FINDING TAIFU ]

U - Sh-Shisho's dead...? No... D-Do you think... HE did it?

P - Oh, no! I-If he did... then wh-what do we do?!

K - Hey, pull yourself together!

K - Don't worry. I have an idea...

[ INTRODUCTION ]

U – I am the rakugo storyteller Uendo Toneido. Even if my performance isn’t worth watching, I will certainly watch my words. I wouldn’t want to say anything thoughtless and get arrested.

P – After all, that’d be…a “raku-no-no”! Hee hee!

U – Thank you everybody! Good night!

U – [ fucking UP AND LEAVES ]

[ RETURNS TO THE WITNESS STAND ]

P – Oh, my, my!

U – Are you a fan of mine, miss? Would you like my autograph? One moment… [ signs the thing and throws it at her face. Athena is not a happy lawyer. ] No need to stand on ceremony! My fan deserves a fan, after all.

P – A “fan” for a “fan”! Nice one! Hee hee! Oh, why if it isn’t Simon! How are you on this fine day, sir?

U – Quite a dilly of a pickle we’ve found ourselves in, wouldn’t you say?

P – Never performed in a place like this, y’know. I got butterflies here, can’t you see? Hee hee!

U – Ah, I suppose you’re right. In that “case”…

P – I was promoted to “futatsume” yesterday, and received the stage name of “Uendo”. The show was our way of celebrating my new name and “middle rank” standing! Hee!

K – And then THAT happened… Haah… I never dreamed something like that’d happen, not in a million years. And just as I got my chance to start repaying my debt to Shisho, too…

U – Yeah… Plus, I’m worried about Geiru… The way she clung to Shisho… Poor thing. I told her to keep a stiff upper lip… Stiff like rigor mortis…

K – Keep telling those lame jokes, and Shisho’ll come scold you from the grave!

U – I wouldn’t mind getting yelled at, you know, if it meant seeing him again.

[ WITNESS TESTIMONY #1 ]

U – I noticed Shisho’s dying message right away. 

U – The stiff cards were right next to the stiff, you see.

P – Hey now, enough with the silly puns already! Hee hee!

U – Anyway, I got the meaning right away. I knew it must’ve been talking about Bucky!

K – That was the master’s final message, left as he was drowning in soba brother. It’s so like Shisho not to write Bucky’s name outright. “Plain and simple” wasn’t his style.

[ COMMENTARY ]

U – It’s obvious. All you have to do is look at the crime scene. He was found with his face shoved in a bowl.

K – It’s only natural to assume he was drowned in the broth for the noodles!

P – My, my! It’s so like a chef to kill someone this way, wouldn’t you say? And with the karuta message he left behind, it’s clear Bucky Whet did it!

K – Bucky used soba for the deed, all to get back the soba shop deed.

[ CROSS-EXAMINATION ]

[ Statement #1 ]

U – Well, it was a coded message right there next to the body. I’m sure anybody would’ve thought that they were there to name his killer. I love murder mysteries, and often watch them on TV.

U – I saw a similar scene during a murder mystery marathon last Tuesday. That’s what made me think, “This must be a dying message!”

[ Statement #2 ]

U – As I said, the stiff cards were right there next to the stiff, so they were hard to miss.

U – The message just caught my eye, because the stiff cards were right there next to the stiff.

U – Stiff cards…next to the stiff…

U – *sigh*…

[ Statement #3 ]

P – But look at all these wonderful people in the audience! It’s only natural for an entertainer to want to have some fun! Hee hee! I guess we can let a few jokes slide, right?

P – Right, right! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! Well done, Your Honor! Guess you can’t judge a judge by his cover!

P – Much obliged! Hee hee!

[ Statement #4 ]

U – There’s only one “Whet Noodle” around here, and you’ve seen that giant “4″ on his back. It’s the only interpretation that makes sense!

P – Wh-What is it?!

K – [ smoking after Athena suggesting there was another whet noodle ]

[ Statement #5 ]

U – I know Shisho. He would never let someone get the last word on him, even in death. With his face in the soba broth, and his consciousness fading away… …he left a message that pointed toward Bucky as he left this world. It’s the only way it could’ve happened!

K – Look, a dying message is something you leave as you’re dying, right? I saw a scene like that in a detective show.

U – But talking is my livelihood, you know. I talk all the time. This and that, truths and untruths… I can’t stop myself from talking!

[ Statement #6 ]

U – Even in the throes of death, it was in Shisho’s nature to throw in a twist somehow. Truly the consummate entertainer till the very end, don’t you think?

P – If I ever bite the big one like that… …I wanna leave a message just as good as Shisho’s! Hee hee!

[ OBJECTION! ]

U –  [sips tea nervously. spits it out when Athena points out lack of broth in Taifu’s lungs ]

P – M-Me?!

P – Well, those cards are from Shisho’s special “Soba Scenes of Tokyo Past” set. Each card is related in some way to soba.

P – Well, uh, there was soba broth spilled all over them…

K – No. There’s no one named “Owen” in the Toneido family, or our circle of friends.

U – Go ahead, ask anybody you’d like!

U – Are you accusing me of rearranging the cards?

K – ME, who came to testify out of the goodness of my heart?!

U – *sip* *sip*

P – Eep! M-Mr. Prosecutor! What’s a guy supposed to do at a time like this?

U – Oh, I see. So that’s what they’re after, is it? In that case… Your Honor, I’ve decided not to say another word.

U – That’s right. I’m not going to fall for it.

U – E-Even so, I have the right to refuse to answer.

U – [ silent tea sipping ]

K – Are you saying I should quit?! Because I’m not afraid to speak my mind, I’ll have you know.

P – Oh, no! Never mind what I just said! It IS scary to talk! It’s absolutely terrifying!

K – But, no! As a rakugo artist, I must talk! If I don’t, how can I ever show my face on stage again?! Your Honor, I’m ready to testify!

[ WITNESS TESTIMONY #2 ]

K – After my performance, I went to visit Shisho.

P – I called him from outside the room… but he didn’t reply.

U – When I entered the dressing room, I saw Shisho slumped over the table, motionless!

[ COMMENTARY ]

K – Of course there aren’t any. Because I’m not trying to hide anything.

K – It’s fine by me! I have nothing to hide. Bring it on!

[ MOOD MATRIX #1.1 ]

K – After my performance, I went to visit Shisho.

P – I called to him from outside the room…

P – …but he didn’t reply.

U – When I entered the dressing room, I saw Shisho slumped over the table, motionless!

[ OBJECTION! ]

U – “Some thin stranger with cheesy toe skin,” you say?

U – I don’t know. Maybe it’s me who’s got some cheese in my ears…

[ 80% of his cushion pile is gone. Athena questions if he willed the floor to open from underneath and swallow them. (Personally, I say yes.) ]

U – So what was this unexpected thing you noticed?

[ Cushion overload!! They had to take some away from him again. ]

U – I-Is it, though?

[ Zoned Out ]

U – Yeah, you got me! I’m a total space case! Ha ha ha!

K – Well, get your head out of the clouds and go do some work for a change!

P – Don’t worry, honey! I found a wallet the other day. We have plenty of money to live on now!

[ Entertainer’s Guts ]

P – Sadly, I busted a gut laughing at Shisho’s bits last week.

U – Now I’m practically gutless… Does my tale of woe pluck at your gutstrings?

A – Don’t you mean heartstrings?

U – Sorry, I was just trying to match…

P – …the level of nonsense coming out of your mouth, lady! Hee hee!

K – If you don’t like it, just say so! Go on, spill your guts!

[ ALREADY DEAD ]

P – Wh-Whaaat?! What kind of a thing is that to say?! You’ve got it all wrong…! O-Oh, right! I just remembered something! I thought Shisho was just sleeping when I first saw him! Hee hee!

U – Well, he had his head and arms up on the table, as if he were taking a nap.

P – Oh, and one other thing! There was that note, too!

P – Yes! That’s the note I saw! After reading that, who wouldn’t think Shisho was napping?!

K – That’s right. I saw this note, so that’s why I thought Shisho was asleep.

P – I want to change my testimony to include that statement!

[ MOOD MATRIX #1.2 ]

K – After my performance, I went to visit Shisho.

P – I called to him from outside the room…

P – …but he didn’t reply.

U? – When I opened the door, I thought he was sleeping.

K? – But something seemed off, so I rushed over to him.

U? – I was shocked to find him dead! I couldn’t believe my eyes!

[ The ‘?’ are my personal speculation because it’s the only part of the testimony where the speaker is unclear. ]

[ OBJECTION! ]

P – “Funny”, you say?! I guess an entertainer of my caliber can make people laugh, even with my emotions!

P – What Hmm… Let’s see… Oh, yeah! Now I remember! As I was going in, I whacked my little piggy on something. I was annoyed at my own clumsiness! Hee hee!

P – J-Just a little bump on my little piggy. N-N-No big deal… I-It’s embarrassing, really…

K – You tell her. Really, who doesn’t stub their toe every one in a while? You really gotta fuss over every small detail like this?

[ Wrong Selection ]

P – Oh, I could never stub my toe on that!

U – That would really be starting things out on the wrong foot! Right, Mr. Golden-Ager?

[ TELEVISION ]

P – Y-Yes, you’re right… It was the TV!

U – Y-Yes, I stubbed my pinky toe on the TV. B-B-But what of it? Why is this so important to you?

U – Shisho must’ve moved it so he could watch my routine. But what a place to put it! Right in the middle of the doorway like that! I didn’t want to bump into it again, so I put it back where it belonged.

P – That’s right. It’s a closed-circuit monitor that shows the stage.

P – O-Oh my! Yes, you’re right! The TV hit the table, and Shisho’s body moved with a jolt… That’s when I first realized that Shisho was dead! Oh! But how scared I was!

P – A-All right.

[ MOOD MATRIX #1.3 ]

K – After my performance, I went to visit Shisho.

P – I called to him from outside the room…

P – …but he didn’t reply.

U – When I opened the door, I thought he was sleeping.

K – I tried to enter the dressing room, but stubbed my toe on the TV.

U – When I put the TV back in its normal spot, I realized Shisho was dead!

P – Seeing him slumped over that cluttered table…*sniff*…Oh, Shisho…

[ Wrong Answer ]

U – Match, match… Ahhh, I see. “MATCH”, as in…

P – “Manage to Assert

K – a Thoughtful, Calculated Hypothesis.”

U – In other words, YOU are the something here that didn’t “MATCH”, correct?

[ Simon, being a punny little shit – “Looks like you’ve met your match.” ]

[ OBJECTION! ]

P – Wh-What do you mean?

K – S-Search me. Your little thingy must’ve made a mistake!

U – Well, I…Er…

U – Nnnngh… I… I-I…!

[ Wrong Answer ]

U – I can express many emotions, such as surprise, sadness, and anger upon my cushions. To me, these expressions are simply an act. If I lost control over such things, I wouldn’t be very effective on stage, now would I?

[ KARUTA CARDS ]

P – I, er…

U – [ nervously sipping tea ]

P – Nnngh! [ noise (...and cushion) level to 0% ]

[ U.3.N.D.0 ]

U – YOU. ARE. CORRECT. I. AM. A. ROBOT. BEEP BOOP BOOP!

K – Hah! What a space cadet!

[ Superpowers ]

P – Oh, yes! I make these butterflies dance in the air with psychokinesis. Hee hee!

K – NOT! They’re floating on the breeze of my fan, that’s all.

U – I’m very sad to say I don’t have any supernatural powers.

[ MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES ]

U – (SPITS OUT TEA)

P – H-H-How did she know? How did she figure it out?!

K – Hey, you! Lawyer girl! You got a problem with us?! Huh?!

U – Uendo Toneido. I’m a rakugo storyteller, as you know.

P – Hello, everybody! Patches, the friendly jester here! Hee hee!

K – Hmph. Kisegawa. Courtsean.

A – And is that all of you?

U – Yes, that’s all of us.

[ Wrong Answer ]

P – Wow! You are amazingly heedless, aren’t you!

[ FOURTH PERSONALITY ]

U – N-No! That’s not why! We kept our disorder a secret for a different reason altogether.

P – We’ve been taking advantage of our affliction to act out various rakugo characters. If word of this got out, well…

K – …our reputation as a rakugo artist would be tarnished, as would the Toneido name.

U – That’s why we kept it a secret from everyone except members of the Toneido school. But really, there is no “fourth personality”. It’s just the three of us in here.

U – B-But…!

P – Y-Yes, I’m afraid so! Really stunk up the stage, I did! Hee hee!

U – And yet, I have a perfect alibi!

P – Okey-dokey-smokey!

[ WITNESS TESTIMONY #3 ]

U – I was onstage until just moments before I went into the dressing room.

K – The entire audience was my witness.

P – But my performance was a huge bust. Not a single soul laughed!

U – I’ll never be able to live down how terribly I bombed during that very important show.

[ CROSS-EXAMINATION ]

[ Statement #1 ]

U – Are you asking whether it could’ve been some imposter?

U – Unlike a big arena, a rakugo theater is a cozy, little place. It would be hard to fool an audience in such an intimate setting, don’t you think?

U – Good. I’m glad we could clear that up, because I guess you could say…

[ Statement #2 ]

K – Not a thing. Everything was the same as always. Mr. Prosecutor, you questioned the audience, didn’t you?

P – Oh…It’s so embarrassing! I tried my best! Really, I did…

[ Statement #3 ]

K – Hmm… I’m not sure if it was my performance, or if it was just that particular audience… Or maybe it was the story I picked. But every entertainer knows that this kind of thing happens from time to time.

[ Press #3 > Audience Number ]

K – Well, let’s see. We drew a full house, so… …I think there must have been fifty, maybe sixty people in the audience.

P – Exactly! I dropped a big, stinky bomb in front of all those people. It was a catastrophe, I tell you! I was sweating buckets from start to finish!

[ Statement #4 > Fifty People ]

U – That’s right. Everybody was just staring in silence at me. It was simply awful.

K – What are you trying to say?

P – O-Of course there were people in the audience! It was a full house, I tell you! Lots of regulars. Want me to ask ‘em all to come here?

[ Press #3 > What you performed ]

U – I could, but I’m not sure if it would mean anything to the uninitiated.

U – All right. If you insist… The story I performed is called “Tokisoba”– otherwise known as “Time Soba”.

[ Statement #4 > Performance ]

K – Well…I suppose I was a little nervous… It’s a lot of pressure when you’re the star of such an important show, you know?

U – I wanted so badly to live up to the great name of “Uendo” that I inherited… …that I guess I overperformed a little this time.

U – That’s right. The name belonged to one of Shisho’s former disciples who died of illness at a young age.

U – In that case, can I count on your sympathy, and have you go a little easier on me?

[ Statement #5 ]

K – Well, aren’t YOU a regular rude daisy?! Do you really think a rakugo artist who regularly bombs would get promoted? In fact, I’m known as the Toneido School’s “Whirl-Uendo of Laughter”, I’ll have you know!

U – [ fucking sadfacing at the nickname being insulted ]

P – Hee hee. I’m glad you like it!

[ OBJECTION! ]

U – Odd? N-No, I don’t think tere’s anything odd about it.

U – [ SPITS OUT TEA ]

K – Well… You see… The reason for that is…

U – How do I say this… You see… Um, let’s say it was a, uh… a prank…

P – Th-That’s right! It was just a little joke, you see! H-Hee hee! I was trying to surprise Shisho by performing his routine before he did!

[ Performance ]

U – But Shisho’s scheduled routine is written right here in the invitation.

P – Here, why don’t you read what Shiso was going to perform out loud?

K – “You just earned yourself a penalty, defense!”

[ Cause of death ]

P – Come on! Not even a jester like me thinks the cops would be fooled by such a silly trick.

K – Besides, the story I was originally going to do, “Soba Glutton”, also features soba.

[ TIME OF DEATH ]

P – Eeeeeeeek!

U – [ spits tea ]

P – Yipes!

U – [ SPITS MORE TEA ]

U – Ngh…

U – ……….

U – Nnngh… …I-I confess. I-I tampered with the crime scene.

K – Now wait just one minute! Yes, I admit to messing with the dressing room, but I didn’t kill Shisho!

K – I… I refuse to answer that question!

U – …Geez. Not that again. I told you we don’t know anything about this “Owen”!

P – Bravo! You tell ‘em, Mr. Prosecutor! Hee hee!

P – I-I exercise my right to remain silent!

P – Sh-Shut up! I will remain silent, and that’s it!

K – Patches, you fool! You stay out of this!

[ WITNESS TESTIMONY #4 ]

U – I’ve never met any personality named “Owen”.

K – Patches was just blurting out nonsense in a panic.

P – We’re always aware, so we’d definitely notice if a personality like that showed up!

K – How dare you treat me like a criminal based on mere conjecture?!

[ CROSS-EXAMINATION ]

[ Statement #1 ]

U – Well, it’s more like all three of us are always here. And the personality that is most suited to the moment is the one that comes out.

P – Well, we never know when our turn will come, right?

K – So we stand by, and listen.

U – I never really thought about it, but I guess that’s right.

[ Statement #2 ]

P – Hee hee! Why, hello! You rang?

P – Well, er… You see…

K – I’ll take over from here, if you don’t mind! Listen. I hate to say it, but Patches is about as smart as a sack of rocks. If you grill him with a bunch of highfaluting words, he’s going to want to keep silent.

K – Well, I don’t know about that. But, anyway… …I do know that Patches was just flustered, and that’s why he decided to remain silent.

[ Statement #3 ]

U – Wh-What would happen? I’m not even sure what you mean…

U – N-Ngh…!

K – Comparing us to cockroaches– do we bug you that much, girlie?!

[ Statement #4 ]

U – But how can you be so sure that that’s what the cards really mean?

U – Well, for example, “Owen, the fourth hitter”!

P – He’s a baseball player! A really great one, too! Owen Gonzales, thirty-six years old. He’s a “cleanup”, fourth-place hitter, of course.

U – Well, then how about this? Maybe it means

P – “OWE N 4 TH”, like “I owe ‘N’ four thousand.”

U – What? “N” isn’t a person! It was Shisho’s favorite hobby shop, “N-Joy”. He was a huge model train collector.

U – Maybe he owed the hobby shop some money. So he left a note to remind himself.

K – Shisho worked in mysterious ways.

K – I’m being completely serious! The point is, “OWEN 4TH” could mean just about anything!

[ Wrong Answer ]

P – I may be soft in the noggin, but I don’t see a single bruise on my head. Do you?

[ RICE WINE SAKE ]

K – Oh please. Don’t call it “rice wine”. That’s so unsophisticated. And it’s not even “wine”. Hmph. Silly girl.

K – I drank sake? Oh, that’s a good one!

U – We have a real sweet tooth, you see, so, yes, we did accept a sugary, red-bean bun… …but since we really dislike sake, we said no, thank you to that.

P – Believe it or not, we’re real weak when it comes to booze. Hee hee! Even a tiny drop can knock us right out!

U – So, you see… …I had a sweet manju bun, but I didn’t drink any sake.

U – Yes, that’s right.

U – I don’t recall doing anything like that.

U – Well, yes…That’s right.

U – [ SPITS OUT TEA ]

K – H-Hmph! What kind of lightweight do you think I am?! Even I wouldn’t pass out from eating a single manju!

[ AFTER RECESS ]

U – ……….Ngh…

U – D-Don’t be ridiculous! A sweet little snack like this couldn’t possibly… I-I mean, it could never…

U – Ngh… F-Fine. whatever!

U – *chomp* *chomp* … *gulp*

U – See? I told you… It don– don’t affect me in the suh– slightest! *hic*

P – We might be a liiightweight, but c’mooon, nnnobody’s THAAAT l-light. Hee hee!

K – Hmph. Sh-Sheriouslyyy… Nobody ge’s drunk offa wuh, wuh, one lil’ bun… *hic*

[ OWEN ]

O – Oooooh… *sniffle*

O – Oooh… *sniffle*…M-My name is Owen… I’m…five.

O – A-Am I in trouble…? Please don’t yell at me… Oooh…

O – Shisho… Shisho…! *sniffle*

O – Uwahhhhh!

O – Uwahhh! Whatta scary lady!

O – O-Okay… Shisho was…super nice… He always played with me… Just ike… Just like a real grandpa. I loved Shisho… *sniffle*

O – Ooohhh… *sniffle*

O – I-I saw it… I saw Shisho getting…

O – Y-Yeah…

[ WITNESS TESTIMONY ]

O – Shisho was standing with a knife in his hand…

O – Blood was dripping onto Shisho’s face, getting it all red..

O – I couldn’t move at all!

O – I was so scared… I passed out.

[ COMMENTARY ]

O – I…Ooooooh… I was so scared…! *sniffle* Oooooooh… So… So scared…! *sniffle*

[ MOOD MATRIX #2.1 ]

O – Shisho was standing with a knife in his hand…

O – Blood was dripping onto Shisho’s face, getting it all red...

O – I couldn’t move at all!

O – I was so scared… I passed out.

[ Wrong Answer ]

O – *s-sniffle* Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

O – Oooooh… Uwaaaaaaaaaah!

[ OBJECTION! ]

O – Yeah… Blood was dripping down onto Shisho’s face…

O – I-I remember now! Somebody was sitting up on top of Shisho!

O – O-Okay… So…Um…So…somebody was sitting up on top of Shisho, bleeding from their head… …and smooshing something into Shisho’s face!

[ MOOD MATRIX #2.2 ]

O – Shisho had blood on his face and a knife in his hand…

O – He was on the floor, and somebody was smooshing something into his face...

O – I couldn’t move at all! I was so scared… I passed out.

[ Wrong Answer ]

O – Um… no. Not at all, lady.

O – Oh, no! Now the lady is mad at me! Waaaaah!

[ OBJECTION! ]

O – Ooooh… Y-You’re scaaaring me…!

O – Well… Wh-When I woke up…the person who killed Shisho…was standing over me… …bleeding from their head…

O – Ooooh… I… I don’t know who it was….

O – *sniffle* Okay…

[ MOOD MATRIX #2.3 ]

O – Shisho had blood on his face and a knife in his hand…

O – He was on the floor, and somebody was smooshing dough into his face!

O – I couldn’t move at all!

O – I was so scared… I passed out.

O – and when I woke up…

O – …the person who killed Shisho was standing over me.

[ Wrong Answer ]

O – “Incon…” Huh? What does that mean?

O – Y-You mean, I did something bad?

O – I-I’m sorry, really! I’ll try to be a good boy from now on, honest! *sniffle*

[ OBJECTION! ]

O – That nice smell… I love the smell… of that perfume…

O – I-It’s the smell of…of… Ungh…

O – Ooooooh… It’s the smell of… [ faints ]

[ CREDITS DIALOGUE ]

U – That trial the other day really inspired me. I’ve even created a rakugo routine based on Shisho’s case.

P – It’s a mystery story that’ll keep flipping the audience’s thinking on it’s head! It’s called “The Scary Udon Noodle”! Hee hee!

K – Hmph, you’re giving away too much in the title!

U – Keeping the Toneido School going… …is our way of paying penance and repaying our debt to Shisho. And that includes rakugo training for that kid, Owen.

[wolfcha1k]

As soon as I started practicing kisses I suddenly can't help adding them now lmao something fluffy and firey for you heathens. Still sfw content tho ofc. Based on the new fanart I did recently so some of it doesn't match the art in hindsight :"D I think now its just gonna be a new tradition to write something to go along with my pieces.

They were taking one of their occasional adventures away from the Betterman Farm, where they would hunker down in the wilderness for several days at a time. For a while, Guy and Eep would forget there was an entire world that they shared with other people; their family. It was just the two of them, hunting and foraging and seeing the beauty the land itself provided.

She knew her home was the Farm now but her heart would never deny she was always meant for the untamed wild where the sun stretched on forever. She wasn't sure why Guy had lead her towards the desert as an area for camp, it was hot and unspeakably dry during the day, sweltering even. Her entire life had been the dusty desert and the canyon with that awful cave as the only escape from the heat.

As dusk fell, Guy had only grinned at her. They'd set up camp not long after the daytime sun joined the many nighttime suns in the sky. The sight of how many slept above her still was awe striking. Guy skinned a boar they'd hunted together, something Eep wanted to teach Dawn about someday. She knew as much as Guy enjoyed his safer, more pampered life with the Bettermans, he was still that adventurous nomad born and raised. He lived for the thrill his skills provided him and how all his ideas saved him from many obstacles.

Eep watched the fire flicker and sway, it was still surprising how alive looked. She leaned her hands out to toast her palms, the desert chilled now the sun set. She didn’t understand that either, how such a mercilessly hot place can become so cold.

The embers glowed in her green eyes when she felt Guy touch her wrist. Eep turned to him, seeing the fire reflecting in his dark gaze. He was beautiful, one of the most wonderful things she ever saw even after everything he'd shown her.

"I got the boar skinned, just need help putting a skewer through it," Guy said, gesturing towards the beast. They had parked themselves by an oasis, giving Guy a way to wash off the blood from his hands.

Eep had offered to do it, blood never phased her but Guy insisted she just rest. In the meantime she had bathed in the spring, the sand and sweat on her uncomfortable before settling down by the fire to wait on her mate. She hadn't wanted to admit it but she felt rather tired after the long trek. Guy had his reasons for picking this place but he could be so strange and peculiar about it in a way she never understood.

Perhaps that was why she loved him so much. There was nobody else in the world like him, even if she could only count the amount of people she knew on both hands.

Eep stood up from her crouching position. "Sure, I'm starving," she exclaimed, eying the pig carcass greedily. "Are you absolutely certain we can't just - "

"No, you are not sinking your teeth into that thing without cooking it first," Guy scolded her, it was more akin to when Ugga was telling off her children for causing mischief. "You'll get sick. I need to bring you back to Grug in one piece or I'll be in pieces."

"Fineeeee," Eep compromised with a dramatic sigh, leaning her neck back before walking over to help her mate spear the pig.

Eep with Guy’s help, well, mostly Eep but she liked making him feel useful, carried the spitted animal towards the campfire and held it over it. Guy had crafted some little makeshift contraption with wood and rope he'd packed, so they could use a pulley system to rotate the roasting boar

The two took alternating shifts.

"It's funny," Eep couldn’t help but muse suddenly, taking in the view. The fire made the golden sandstone burn a brilliant red color, reminding her of amber.

"What's funny?" Guy asked from his post by the pig, rotating it with a careful eye so it cooked evenly.

"Well…" Eep leaned her elbow on her bent knee, her chin on her hand. "We met in a desert and you asked me to marry you in one too."

Guy tried hiding his smile by turning back to cooking but Eep saw it, perceptive as always. He pretended to ignore her narrow eyed look. "Funny how fate works," he quipped and heard Eep snort in a very unadulterated fashion.

"You planned this," Eep accused him and Guy finally was forced to face the music because the boar didn't need this much turning on the spit.

"Me? Plan things? You must be mistaken," Guy quipped, his tone betraying him. His grin was wide. "Okay, you got me. Happy anniversary, or have you forgotten?"

"As if I can forget the night I nearly dashed your brains out with a rock," she said with more fondness than any normal person should, jumping to her feet.

Guy held her hands, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against hers. "Me either, you're a hard one to forget."

"Well, I did call you back."

"You did," he agreed before pouting. "Not my smoothest pick up line though."

"So you didn't tell every girl that line? 'If you survive, call me?'" Eep quoted, exposing her teeth in a teasing smirk.

"Nope, you were the first and only," Guy assured her, winking. "It worked."

"It did," she agreed back, shaking her head with a giggle. "So…" Eep began coyly, averting her eyes towards the landscape colored black in silhouette.

"So…?" Guy urged her, knowing that Eep didn't need the coaxing but somehow it had just become their thing.

"What if I did come with you that night," Eep asked him, turning back to bat her eyelashes at him. "I think this is the perfect spot to humor the thought." She gazed around the desert, the ground hard with stone, much like the one she had followed Guy's fire that night.

"Well for one, your dad would have killed me because I didn't know he was part of the equation yet," Guy replied, both joking and serious as he said it. "This little journey would have definitely been way more interesting though if I had stolen you away from him."

"Stolen me," she echoed with a laugh though her ears burned from a mixture of the fire and thought. There had been an obvious attraction and two teenagers journeying alone, well, it didn't take a Betterman to figure it out. "You make this sound scandalous, Guy."

"It's not now though so that means when you took my hand, I'd do this." He lifted her palm to his lips, gently kissing a scar that led down to the pulse point of her wrist.

"No, you wouldn't have," Eep teased him. "You were too scared of me to try it."

"I wouldn’t," he agreed. "But this is a fantasy so anything can happen."

"Okay," she amused him, letting Guy continue his little story.

Guy seemed to realize a dark implication in this what if and since it was a fantasy, he could change that. "The world isn't ending, I'm still a nomad but you're just a stir crazy teenage girl instead."

"I am a stir crazy teenage girl," Eep corrected him, leaning up on her toes to brush his cheek with her nose. "And I'll remind you everyday, babe."

"You make telling this story harder than it needs to be," Guy lamented in mock offense, drawing her closer to eye her down. Eep just grinned innocently. "Stop putting plot holes."

Eep just giggled, feeling him turn her hand over to kiss her knuckles and each finger delicately. It was like having a butterfly touch her skin.

"Fine, then what?"

"We'd run away together," he continued, looking up at her with loving eyes. "Somehow outsmart your dad because Sandy would totally have sniffed us out in the morning."

Eep smirked, fighting off a broad smile in her amusement. "Would you have fought him?"

"I mean…" Sure, it was a fantasy but he was also just stronger, bigger and scarier than Guy was. Besides, hindsight wasn't twenty twenty and this caveman was now a second father to him. As annoying and abrasive as Grug had been in all the time Guy knew him, he also had a begrudging respect and admiration for him too. "Maybe we'd just bring him along anyway, save us the trouble."

"Is the log ride magic now?" Eep asked him with a wicked grin. "Does it fly us to Tomorrow? I'm sure it could if dad kicked it hard enough for us."

Guy scoffed, "This is my fantasy so there is no log."

"Aw, you're no fun," she sniggered, lifting his hand to press his palm into her nose fondly. "The log brought us together."

"Yeah but in this story you already came with me," Guy reminded her with a gentle tug, taking her hand back to stroke his thumbs fondly over her knuckles.

Eep tried hard not to laugh again, blushing as well under the soft look he gave her. He smiled at her and she melted like ice. It was intimate and vulnerable, more so than anything they'd done in all the time proceeding to this moment.

"Alright," she murmured, stroking his chest after laying her palm flat against his heart. She fiddled with the seashells dangling around his neck, idly stroking his throat and felt him swallow. "Then what?"

"I'd show you the world and since there's no The End… we wouldn't rush through it. You know, actually do some sight seeing. Fall slowly in love with each beautiful thing I show you but never seems to compare to you." Eep couldn’t help the giddy giggle as he called her beautiful, beaming bright like a sun ray at his compliment. Guy's eyes almost glazed over as he gave the silly romantic escapade story more thought, he chuckled. "Your dad would ruin all our little moments though, so it's kinda hard."

"So even in this little I went with you story, dad still keeps us apart?" Eep pouted.

"Every story needs conflict," Guy teased her. "Dad was going to catch up eventually, family in tow. We were taking the scenic route, it was bound to happen, Eep."

Eep rolled her eyes at him, tugging Guy down so they could sit with their backs to the fire. She leaned her weight against his side, feeling Guy rest his arm behind her back. "I hope things start getting more romantic for us, Guy."

Guy pressed a kiss to her temple, grinning. "It does. After hauling our crazy family cross country, we find the sun hidden on a mountain."

Eep remembered Guy's mountain, two tall twin peaks that extended high above the sky, swathed in clouds and extending out to a meadow after climbing the outcrop. They were supposed to ride it to Tomorrow, joining it among the many sleeping suns above. "How are we going to ride it to Tomorrow if I'm your Tomorrow?"

"I'm retconning stuff, stop spoiling the story," Guy scolded her, just resting his head on hers, taking in her smokey wild scent. "I realize this sooner, because the sun isn't really attainable. We go after it but it just gets farther and farther away." He extended his hand out in a reaching gesture. This meant Guy was really getting into the story.

"Are you sad for awhile?" Eep inquired, absently hugging his bicep now that Guy no longer held her hands.

"For a bit," he admitted. "I mean, my parents said to follow the sun but you really can't but…" Guy paused and gazed fondly at his wife tucked into his side, body warm, familiar and supple.

"But…?"

"I found you, light led me to you. I realize this and tell you I love you after this little journey." Guy nuzzled her cheek with a blissful little sigh. "Also then we find the Bettermans and live happily ever after in their treehouse with the punch monkeys."

Eep poked him in the chest, not really the reaction he was expecting after that happy ending. "You can't just skip an entire chapter like that and tack 'the end!'"

Guy took her hand in both of his, cupping it tender in-between his palms. "It works when your dad tells stories," he joked.

"Well, that was before you started telling better stories," Eep exclaimed with a childish huff that was so her it made Guy muffle a laugh into her shoulder.

"Did you tell Grug that?"

"You know how dad is," she replied a bit more sheepishly this time. "Least everybody doesn't die at the end anymore."

"They don't," he agreed, gazing at her fondly once again. "He's getting better though, I like happy endings."

"I like happy endings. I like you," Eep added, cuddling herself cozy as a cat under his arm and against his chest. She listened to his heartbeat, soothed by the gentle thump.

Guy stroked her back, gentle as he rested his chin above her head. "Only like?" He murmured.

"Maybe if you don't rush your endings then I'll say something else," she told him, Guy feeling her lips as she spoke against his heart.

Guy hugged her, adjusting his position so he could tug his wife onto his lap. She immediately curled up there, warm and safe as he draped his arms around her like a cocoon. "What if there is no ending yet? I like leaving our story open ended, Eep."

He suddenly found himself on his back and he gave a soft oof in surprise. Eep leaned over him, hands braced above his head as she looked down at him. The firelight made her already bright red hair even more so, blazing like the sun with the dark shadows making her eyes and face seem more intense.

"Then… I guess I can accept that," she relented after several moments, a smile crossing her face. She pressed her forehead against his, nose touching his.

Guy's eyes fluttered closed, knowing the intimate implications of the gesture amongst her people. He felt her breath fan his face before something soft touched his lips.

Immediately he wrapped his arms around her, letting his palms gently stroke the strong muscles of her back as they flexed beneath them. He'd never tired of her, beautiful and feral as she was. There was a soft gasp against his lips and he gave a quiet little growl, pressing up to mold his body with hers.

He found his words despite wanting to just keep kissing her. The moment was too right to neglect however. It took a few long moments of trading kiss after kiss that Guy had an idea to put his lips to good use in a way he wouldn't need to stop. Trailing a few heated kisses down the soft slope of her neck, he mumbled, "Eep?"

She hummed, "Mhm?" It was hardly the most direct of words but he took it.

"You lit a fire in me when we met," Guy confessed though he knew it was obvious at this point. It was no secret despite the circumstances of their relationship's beginning, he'd been infatuated and found her cute. Scary habits despite that, of course. "And you were in my every thought since then, I really was hoping you'd call me, Eep."

"I really wanted to go with you," she said, pushing him away to graze a palm down his bicep, tracing a stripe fondly before finding his hand to lace their fingers together. Her touch singed him more than the embers behind him did from where he lay. "I just…"

"You came with me eventually though," he reminded her though found he needed to remind himself to focus when she lifted his hand to her lips to kiss his longer fingers. He closed his eyes, sighing. "You gave me something even better than any Tomorrow I thought I'd find out there."

"Even if you were a stupid boy?" She teased him through the haze, bracing her weight against his again. She still sometimes made fun of him for that but in the moment he hardly cared, caging her in his arms.

"Yes," he grunted, Guy would agree to anything she said right now so long as she kept touching him like this.

Their lips met again but she suddenly paused, her roaming hands no longer roaming. He huffed against her lips, confused and a bit frustrated that she stopped.

"Guy?" Eep murmured against his lips breathily.

"Mhm?" It wasn't an intelligible response but having Eep so close to him like this always rendered him a useless fool.

"Do you smell something burning?" Eep drew away, ignoring Guy's protesting whine as their lips no longer brushed.

"Just my love for you," he told her, sitting up with what he hoped was a winning smile.

Eep flared her nostrils at the smell and eyes widening looked past Guy towards their camp fire, having completely forgotten about the cooking boar during their recent activities.

"Guy, the boar is on fire," she exclaimed.

Guy in an instant scrambled to his feet to try salvaging their dinner. "Oh crap!" He ran for a waterskin and a blanket but to Eep it was probably a fruitless endeavor.

She was never much of a picky eater anyway. Sometimes some burning did a meal good, she thought, touching her lips with a grin.