#i am extremely emotionally compromised

[elialys]

ANNA TORV as Olivia Dunham (Fringe) | 1.16 Unleashed

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[starfleetsxvulcan]

// Pardon my absence. I have been taking a new pain medication and it's left me a bit woozy but hopefully my body gets more used to it.

[snapscube]

i am curious, with infinite wealth, do you think some of the more emotional things with kiryu had a different effect than if you'd been more familiar with his games? asking because i saw some people say IW is a great introduction to him as a character, but i've played all of them up to that point.

oh almost certainly!!! i will say, basically the entire first half of the game is almost purely focused on ichiban in a way i found extremely comforting as a newcomer. so knowledge of kiryu's full journey is not at ALL required for a very large portion of playtime, HOWEVER there is a threshold point where suddenly they start to really give his history the spotlight and at that point i could tell that there was a lot that would Hit Different if i had played games prior. HOWEVER, in defense of playing this game without that context and with credit where it's due, RGG does a really consistently good job not only filling in necessary exposition when required JUST enough to get you over the finish line if you don't have everything committed to memory or you're just new... but ALSO a lot of the emotional beats were just kinda universally recognizable for me? there's a lot i was able to put together either through bits and pieces of pre-7 titles i HAD seen, or even just through context clues based on the dialogue i was presently hearing/reading and general familiarity with character archetypes. i can NOT say that i experience Infinite Wealth with the FULL WEIGHT that it can potentially have, but i CAN say that i don't feel like my experience was COMPROMISED. i still cried like 6 times in the whole second half of its runtime haha, it's really emotionally powerful and a lot of its themes stand alone just fine.

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

How does God and Lucifer’s siblings view the sins? Are his siblings jealous they have been replaced or are some of them glad that Lucifer has found others who he can be a family with?

Also, do Asmodeus and Lucifer ever indulge in bird like behavior together?

God is very pleased Lucifer has them, He intended for it and a lot of the needless cruelty of the fall was to ensure Lucifer was found, endeared and open(desperate enough) to accept the help of the demons princes.

A full power emotionally destabilized Archangel wasn't going to be quick to make friends in hell. And Yes, I am very much looking forward to unpacking God's 'Ends justify the Means' mentality and 'Father knows best' approach to making decisions that affect other people without their say.

He likes them if only cause He's less guilty for losing Lucifer's original family if he ends up with another one.

However they as individuals are very foreign, while nothing is like Him, He has an understanding of creatures that strive for His perfection. He does not know what to do with those that have no interest in His order. Especially those created outside His will.

He skittish around Fat Nuggets as He is the Sins its very amusing

He's immune to Fear of Unknown by nature of being All knowing, they aren't Other to Him - He's perfectly aware they are complex people with depth and value. Which has unlocked some other, far stranger emotional response that like a morbid intrigue.

The sins and archangels' dynamics do have some posts here and here but im always up for an excuse for a proper mindset deep dive!

Because of implicit and explicit bias his brothers think of hellborn demons as lesser, Heaven is just like that, not necessarily bad just insignificant in the wake of God's Will and Order.

They see them as pets Luci is using to fill the void they left behind, the best he can do, while they're not necessarily upset at the situation by itself...

They are absolutely affronted at Lucifer being closer and more comfortable with the sins than he is or really ever was with them.

All he does is complain about the sins and how he has to manage them! (context) They were under the impression he barely tolerated them what do you mean he finds the demons' company preferable and there's a undercurrent of unbreakable trust and unconditional love in all that taunting and banter.

His siblings aren't jealous of being replaced however they are extremely jealous of being superseded.

They also... see the sins as bringing out Lucifer's 'worst traits', (mainly, Pride) because Christianity Heaven runs on shame and repression so nothing's more terrifying to them than someone being unapologetic in themselves

It's like, the worst parts of Catholic guilt and Protestant evangelical beliefs mixed together.

He has to miserable in hell in every way because if he was even the least bit happy away from the church Heaven that would have to mean something was wrong with him... or it. They don't want to see their brother like that but they're unwilling to compromise their worldview either, for who are they without God? Who is God if He's wrong?

Lucifer is cringe(and damned) but he is free etc etc

I'm so glad that near decade I spent studying Christian dogma and culture is coming in useful, there's so much texture and potential in this family dynamic

Yes, YES!!! I have waited my whole life for someone to ask about this, Bird solidarity!! Asmodeus unfortunately doesn't have a beak (it's different from claws or fingers and not even other angels can replicate it, fuck he misses his Dad) but still mutual preenings!! Billing!! Nestling!! Headbutting!! Wing tucking!! Someone who gets it!

I think Lucifer feels way more fondness for the Ars Goetia than he has any right to just cause a lot of them are birds.

Yeah they're pompous arrogant pricks but, those are endearing quirks to him if it's birds (okay he sees these as basically pets)

Paimon is still around despite his everything because he has a beak and is one of the few Goetia to truly prioritize ass kissing over dignity or prestige and will groom him without acting like it's weird.

[spirkme915]

more spirk fics i've read recently and loved

The Promised Land by gunstreet @gunstreet (TOS) - buckle in and get ready for chapters and chapters of p-a-i-n. it's divorce era spirk (pre-TMP) and it hurts oh so good. have a desperate need to find out what spock was thinking when he chose kolinahr? you will wonder no more. also, there's sex. a lot of it and beautifully done. all around perfection

The Accidental Matchmaker by notboldly (AOS) - it's valentine's day on the enterprise and spock receives an unexpected note. this had me muttering "oh spock" (affectionate) under my breath as i read

emotionally compromised by thesorrowoflizards (AOS) - an extremely thoughtful and poignant rewrite of the bridge scene in the 2009 movie. gen not slash, but who needs sex when you get the vulnerability of tos spock in aos spock?

Between Me and You by Solid_Medical_Advice (TOS) - ONE BED! need i say more? well, i will anyway. this fic has a touch of angst but it's mostly fluff and feelings and is terribly soothing

home by Sir_Bedevere (TOS) - am i sucker for everything OMS? yes, yes i am. have another entry into the old married space husbands being adorably old and married (with a cat!)

Injury by iyokou (AOS) - F1 AND STAR TREK??? i love it when my fandoms collide. AND IT'S EXPLICIT HURT COMFORT??? *eternal sigh of happiness*

The Other Uniform by Bibarian (AOS) - jim wears an alternate uniform, spock loses his shit. spock & uhura bffs. then sex. how can you go wrong?

The way that we love at night (gave me life) by phlebotinxm (AOS) - obligatory PWP entry for this list and this one is established relationship so it's a completely different kind of good

(This and Every) Morning After by Solid_Medical_Advice (TOS/AOS) - are they friends with benefits? is it unrequited love? you probably already know those answers but this fic is still fun as hell to read. also, CONFIDENT SPOCK. i am here for all confident spock

Sweet dreams (of course I love you) by decidedlynotheterosexual @decidedly-not-heterosexual (TOS) - fluff, ALL fluff. need a happy read? this is it

and, for once, i don't have any non-spirk fics to rec, but there are two entries in the "aliens made them do it" trope for this list:

Lead Us to Our Own Bliss by gunstreet (TOS) - i'm hesitant to read this trope because it often involves non-con, but @gunstreet handled it perfectly. this fic definitely has voyeurism, but it's more about their awakening of their feelings for each other

Red Matter: Scents, Starfleet, and Kurage Sushi by CampySpaceSlime (TOS) - this was so. damn. creative. omg. unlike anything i could've expected and just as weird and alien as space should be

(you can find previous recs under fic rec and/or spirk fic recs)

reminder - please do send me recs and feel free to self-promo!

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 14th Jan ✨

Oh, friends, I have had a shit week but these listens have definitely gone some way to making it bearable. Happy Audio Drama Sunday 🎧

👻 @tellnotalespod oh how I love you and how I have missed you!! It seems that some time has passed since the end of S1 and Leo has OBVIOUSLY made absolutely stellar choices in the meantime. Nothing is better for one’s mental health than isolation and trusting the slimiest creature on god’s green earth. 

🦀 @thesiltverses (37) my beloved Silt Verses have returned with a frankly exceptional HOUR long episode filled with so many things to scream about that I don’t even know where to start. Val’s revelation that extreme power can also be used to bring people joy is VERY interesting indeed. They were never going to be able to control her, but I doubt it even more now. And PAIGE stepping up!! Part of me really wants a Val vs Paige stand off but most of me wants to protect Paige at all costs… I am loving the music choices this episode and the scene with the telephone calls was so good! Also, PLEASE stop foreshadowing Carpenter’s death, I am going ‘lalalalalala I can’t hear you!!’

🧳 I listened to episode 8 of Travelling Light by @monstrousproductions after a night shift and the hazy tiredness only served to make it even more transcendentally beautiful. I adore the blossoming friendships aboard the Tola, especially between the Traveller and Óli 😭🌌

👁️ @malevolentcast (39) I love it when you can *feel* that an episode is gearing up to a season finale, a few little loose strands tied up here and there but one BIG problem looming for the finale. I NEED to remember to not listen to this show when I’m emotionally compromised in any way because I found myself bloody sobbing as Marie was talking about her son. I should know that Malevolent is going to play dirty with my emotions. 

🏛 @the-mistholme-museum ENDLESS okay I don’t want to ruin this for anyone who hasn’t listened yet but !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!!!!!!!

🐬 @patterspod P Files brought creative levity into our lives with the tale of Professor Fantabulum. I’m honestly a huge fan of the idea of creative genius as a torch passed on to the people who you inspire

🌨️ @thewhitevault (5) Oh I just don’t trust this guy at all. . . everything he says is so perfectly plausible that there’s just obviously something wrong with him. My friend pointed out that the family meeting mentioned surveyors . . . . .  Now S has been killed by something . . . . I just adore the way The White Vault slowly ramps up the cosmic kind of horror but you’re so distracted by all the other scary human shit going on that your brain is primed and ready to be terrified by the obviously fictional stuff by the time it happens. It’s such clever writing!! 

❤️‍🔥 The Love Talker (6) Ah, now, Ren…. Just because you *can* do something, doesn’t meant necessarily mean that you should… you feel me? Some of the anatomical descriptions in this episode made me want to vomit a little. It’s so awful, I need to know what happens next!!

🏢 @somewhereohio (S2E5) I’m absolutely living for these scenes with Green and Sterling. Are they squishing my heart into pieces? Yes. Do I feel sick to my stomach thinking about the impossibility of trying to perfect and control the one you love? Yes. Can I have more, please? 

🍾 I finished season 1 of @ameliapodcast and what an absolute DELIGHT that ending was!! What an absolutely masterful raising of the stakes at just the right moment in time to keep the listener absolutely hooked. I hope Tara and Lily come back one day, they were so much fun and I think will be even more fun as free agents! 

🌫️ @souloperatorpod dropped this week and the first episode is very intriguing indeed! I think I need to relisten without any distractions if I want to stand a chance of collecting all the threads of red string I’m going to need for this show! I really love the theme music and am very excited for more! 

♦️ The Grotto continues to be an absolutely WILD delight. I caved and listened to two episodes this week but it’s okay because I still have ep 4 in my back pocket. I love the music, the sound design, the fact that it is literally impossible to work out what the hell is going to happen next. Go listen to The Grotto!! 

Thanks to everyone making art - it makes things better 💓 I’m so excited for @camlannpod next week!!  

[bonefarm]

my wife grew up with a cockatiel. i did not grow up with birds (cats family). my wife and i now have 2 cats a large dog and fish tanks even. i try not to mention birds to her but i did today (i heard a neighbor’s apartment emitting Bird Sounds recently) and she got sad. she really misses her bird and wants one again. i’m very against it for a variety of reasons. do you have any advice? i really don’t think it would be a good idea. the noise bothers me (she’s HoH so it isn’t quite as bad for her), i work from home a lot, she works outside the house, a lot of pet tasks fall to me, we have lots of animals already, the money, the long lifespan, the naughtiness and intelligence, the difficulty in keeping parrotids with sufficient enrichment so they don’t have issues to their health or behavior. i think logically she knows most of this (we’ve been to a parrot rescue / sanctuary / shelter thing. we know what happens). it worries me how much she wants a bird. i try suggesting that one day we could compromise and do a domesticated species like pigeons or chickens or quail.

I think you are on the right track! I wish I had better advice for you because I was (and am) very much in your shoes and my partner went out and bought a bird against my wishes. My birds are very lucky that, it turns out, I really like birds and find their needs interesting, he, on the other hand, ended up not actually liking living with parrots.

So it goes.

If you work from home say goodbye to phone calls unless you have a dedicated room across the house where the bird can be, you’ll need to get up early to prepare fresh or pre frozen food and fill foraging toys, and your lunch break will probably be spent with the bird. I probably spend about 3 hours a day on bird stuff and probably $150-$200 per month on food and toys all told.

The cats and dog will need to be put up if the bird is ever in communal spaces. That can be its own constant game of musical pets.

Truly a banty chicken or pigeon or quail would be a great option and all of those are a great reminder of how messy and demanding birds can be without involving an animal that will get deeply emotionally dependent on you for a long, long time.

I feel for her because I love my birds and they are extremely endearing animals but they are a LOT to live with in practice.

[cosmicjoke]

Obviously you’re not Isayama so you can’t answer this 100% however, I am curious what you think the reasoning for his decision to never consider writing Levi as commander. It was Hange then Armin, Levi in my honest opinion would have made an exceptional commander as well (though I know he wouldn’t have wanted it). Maybe I answered my own question but nonetheless, what do you think?

I did talk about this once before, and if I ever find the post, I'll add it to this, haha.

Levi would and DID make an excellent commander, I agree. It was really Levi's leadership that allowed the alliance to win the final battle against Eren. Without Levi there to take over when Armin was taken out of commission, they would have all died.

But to answer your question, I think the reason Erwin didn't make Levi commander is because he knew it would have been almost impossible for Levi to consistently make calls that required him to sacrifice lives. We have to remember, Levi's first and greatest instinct is to protect people, to guard them and save them, whenever he can. I think Levi had to work extremely hard to press down that instinct in any given situation, and it weighs heavily on him whenever he has to do so. Like, for example, during the Female Titan arc, it's obvious Levi was extremely bothered by having to ignore all the soldiers behind he and his squad that were being slaughtered by Annie. He had to, in order for Erwin's plan to work, but it was hard for him, and that's why Levi kind of snaps at Erwin later for trying to thank him for his efforts, and tells him he should be thanking the soldiers that gave their lives, instead. It's also, I think, why Levi makes the threats he does to Annie to get her to come out of her titan, because he's upset about the soldiers that died in order to capture her, and upset that he couldn't save them. He sort of loses control of his emotions in that moment and makes a bit of a miscalculation as a result.

People always talk about Levi being this emotionless character, but it's the exact opposite. He's actually the most emotional character in AoT. He cares more than anyone, and feels the loss of each soldier more keenly than anyone.

We see this at various points throughout the story, just how deeply affected he is by the loss of life. It's why Levi works himself to exhaustion in Shinganshina trying to protect the new recruits, and why he orders them not to die. It's why he does the same in Liberio, ordering his soldiers not to die. It's why he says he's sorry to the soldiers in Shinganshina, when they're riding toward their death.

Levi can and will make decisions that cost lives if he thinks it's going to save more lives, but doing so goes against his very nature, to a deeper degree and level than anyone else. I think it's totally antithetical to who Levi is as a person, to have to stand by and let people die without trying to protect them with everything he has.

If he had been made commander, he would have had to engage in that sort of thing over and over, and I think Erwin knew Levi couldn't have handled that. And I think Hange knew it too, when she made Armin commander near the end. They both understood that Levi cares too much, and values life too much, and at some point, that would have interfered with his ability to properly lead. Levi is someone who's very much lead by his heart, more than his head. He's very emotionally driven. The decisions he makes are based in what he feels is the right thing to do, the morally correct thing to do, more than any sort of cold logic or efficiency. It's why I get annoyed, too, when people say Levi was willing to "compromise" his morals for Erwin. No, he wasn't. Levi never compromised his morals. He always did what he felt was right, even if he didn't know what the outcome or result would be. That's what his entire philosophy of "no regrets" is based on. Doing what he feels, in his heart, is the right thing, and not regretting it, even if the outcome is different than what he hoped for.

I think Erwin and Hange both passed over Levi to become commander because they knew, no matter what, Levi wasn't ever going to compromise what he felt was right, no matter the cause. They knew he wasn't capable of it, in the end. And they knew it would also be horrifically destructive to a person like Levi, to be placed in a position where he was expected to treat the lives of people more as tools than human beings. Levi couldn't do that. We see that plainly demonstrated in his inability to drag Erwin back to life. Levi wasn't able to set aside what he felt was right, even as, objectively, it seemed like the best and most logical choice to go against that feeling. Like I said, Levi acts with his heart more than his head. And a good commander, an efficient commander, an effective commander, can't do that. There needs to be a certain level of detachment.

Levi's never been able to be detached. He's never been able to divorce himself from the deep compassion and empathy he feels for people. He feels it even for people he doesn't really know, and isn't close to.

Basically, the simple answer is, Levi cares too much about people's lives to be a really great commander. He wouldn't be able to handle that job without slipping up eventually.

[deepseasmetro]

made tentative plans to see a friend i havent seen in years who i used to be really close to and they canceled bc of being tired from work which. totally understandable. however i have not slept well in weeks and am extremely emotionally compromised and now im just sitting at the movie bar feeling like crawling into a ditch and dying

[elialys]

why did i think editing In Reverse would be a good idea

[metalomagnetic]

your view on riddledore, especially when compared to grindledore and Tom/Grindelwald?

also what would be your thoughts on harrydore (provided it is a same age au or there is time travel involved)?

I like all three of them, in whatever combination!

Riddledore has been so, so much fun to explore lately. For me, Voldemort and Dumbledore are the only 'equals' in the HP books. I see the entire war as being between them, while the Order, Death Eaters, Ministry etc serving as foot soldiers. Without Voldemort or Dumbledore, we wouldn't have canon events. They are the catalysts of the entire thing. I am also of the opinion that Dumbledore won the war, because he was the one to have plotted the entire Deathly Hallows going to Harry thing. Of course, there was some typical Harry luck sprinkled in there, but yes, I credit Dumbledore with that victory. I remember the duel between these two titans, and it was one of the greatest scene in the books (even in the movies, especially compared to the lame Battle of Hogwarts duels). There's not a single duel in all seven books to come even close to what these two did in the Ministry. I am also of the belief that Voldemort could have been the only one to defeat Dumbledore in a duel. They are equal in magical skill and in intellect, two geniuses, removed from those surrounding them, albeit in different ways. Dumbledore is benevolent, while Voldemort is not. Dumbledore is logical and a bit cold, while Voldemort is impulsive, with a quick temper, at least in the second war. I also think Dumbledore is the only person Voldemort ever respected and thought of as an actual threat, hence 'the only one he ever feared'. So having these two in a pair is delightful, especially if we play with the timeline a bit.

Grindeldore can be so sweet, mostly because of their age when they met. It's also incredibly tragic. I imagine it is extremely hard, if not impossible, for Dumbledore to find someone as a partner, seeing who he is. So he found this man, against all odds, and they had this whirlwind romance that ended horrifically. I don't think Grindelwald is his equal in the way Voldemort is; I think Grindelwald comes very close, but, in the end, Dumbledore proves much more skilled. I love them as lovers, I love them pining over the other, separated by a war, and eventually being forced to meet in combat. Devastating. I think Grindelwald, while also incredibly powerful and more intelligent than most people, is more 'human' than Dumbledore and Voldemort, if that makes sense. I think he's better with expressing feelings, experiencing them as a normal man, unlike emotionally constipated Dumbledore and Voldemort.

Which brings us to Voldemort/Grindelwald! SO much fun. I think it depends on the age we force them to meet. If Tom is significantly younger, then the power dynamic shifts firmly to Grindelwald's side. If, like in one of my fics, we play with circumstance and have them meet as their canon ages, than I think Voldemort gains the upper hand in that relationship, mostly because Grindelwald has the emotional intelligence and capability to compromise and sort of let some things slide, navigating Voldemort's pride and hubris. I love them! I think Grindelwald is the only one to be a lover to either Dumbledore or Voldemort without getting completely mowed over by these two.

I am fascinated that, while modifying canon a bit but without taking away from their canon personalities, all three possibilities of relationships between them can actually end up as close to healthy as it is possible. They all have the means to temper the other, to put their foot down, hold their ground.

So yes, I am a very big fan of extremely powerful, cunning and intelligent men getting together. As everyone knows, I love Voldemort, but I always wish to see him paired with someone that can hold their own against him, in a believable way.

[pisboy]

buddy idk how i'm gonna be in the soon-to-near future bc i've got grandparents on both sides who are both facing end of life/fragile situations.

in one case i am a lot more worried for my grandfather who is the caretaker for grandma but he is incredibly stubborn and refuses to ask for help; like the rest of us in the family only got the news secondhand that the two of them were desperately sick with covid in the hospital last month because he didn't want to bother us. i am very anxious of the unknown fallout for this kind of pattern.

grandparent death was already on my subconscious for over a year now but i'm currently wading though a pit of grief i'd been blindsided and wholly unprepared for. i hate that both of my parents have to contend with their own semi mirrored situations of handling their own parents' end of life while i'm extremely emotionally compromised and (i say this non-self demeaning) a burden of sorts.

the timing of it all is just so shitty

[chthonic-cassandra]

End of the year and I'm thinking about a lot of things. One of them is being melancholy about forked paths and compromises and giving things up.

[the first one, the central one is always the life I could have had if I hadn't left [x]. but leaving that aside for a moment.]

I've gotten so, so lucky in the life I've been able to build. I can support myself financially, with enough support from my partner to function as I otherwise might not. I can do work that is deeply meaningful and emotionally fulfilling, that I'm good at, in which I do have to mask but can be somewhat weird without consequence, within a supportive community. That was the best choice for me, I think; that's worth the compromises.

There are things still things I gave up. Paid work that is intellectually and artistically fulfilling is a lot to ask for, and the paths to try for that would have been hard in other ways, difficult to sustain, might have been too much of a toll on me (pragmatically speaking also my partner is an artist and one of us needed a job that gave us health insurance). But I didn't try for that. The harder thing is that my work is demanding enough that with my trauma it's extremely challenging to have enough energy left over for intellectual and emotional fulfillment elsewhere. I don't like that; I've been very much struggling with it.

It's also so hard to have to hide my own experiences the way I do, day after day after day. It's the reality of living in the world as I do; it's a compromise I made to avoid the very real material risks and consequences of being honest about my craziness. I was so terrified as a teenager of those consequences; I am more insulated from them now, but that's hard-won. But I resent so much having to make that compromise, even as I am grateful that I have had the ability to do it as I have. I have built a good life for myself; I'd like it to be one where I can let down that mask at least a little more.

[jenniferstit]

pac: killer femme fatale ♀

your deadly traits

77777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777 *+°

one

you operate at your best when you are surrounded by opulence. financial security matters quite a bit to you… you see financial security as the one true form of security in this life. in fact i actually see you as someone who will fight off any feelings you may have for someone, unless they can prove to bring a sense of security to your life. some may see you as a gold digger, but that’s not quite the energy i’m getting. it’s just that we all have non-negotiables in life and i see that for you, someone with no sense of financial stability is not something on which you are willing to compromise. you know your worth, you know what you bring to the table, and you evaluate what others can bring to you to in order to enhance your life. you are very dedicated to your cause, and you are patiently awaiting your counterpart to enter your life. i’m getting a visual of someone fully dressed in hair and makeup, uncomfortable tight clothes, jewelry, fragrance… everything, just sitting poised in bed waiting for a quality person to walk through the door. you have no problem turning people away and letting them know specifically why they are not for you… savage. you don’t mince words. i do see you as someone bored and unsatisfied with your options. boredom is not good for you… i see you as someone who could entertain options that you know don’t fit your standards just to tickle yourself, but the other person is kept in the dark abt simply being your temporary form of entertainment. i think Carmilla aka the Bloody Countess from Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust is the perfect embodiment of this energy. she’s not just a vicious killer, she enjoys toying with her victims, promising them exactly what it is they’ve been searching their entire lives for… she uses their own desires to lead them directly to the most horrific of deaths. she relishes in the demise of humans & she feels it is within her destiny to treat humans as livestock because she is a vampiress, a superior being. she will do anything for her cause: to exercise power and authority over those she deems less worthy. she embodies the shadow traits of the energy i am picking up in this pile (of course in the most extreme way). however, Carmilla at her core, is a hurt woman. she feels like she dedicated everything to the success of vampire kind, only to be ruthlessly betrayed by the king of vampires himself. this betrayal plays a huge role in the portrayal of Carmilla’s bloodlust in this film. she undermines her own beliefs by betraying a vampire in this film, bc she was once betrayed by a vampire… she feels she is owed everything she wants bc of what was sacrificed. it’s this sense of entitlement that i would say is the most deadly thing abt the energy in this pile… be aware of this entitlement and don’t let it dictate the way you treat others.

two

you can’t let anything go. there is a petty, child-like energy here… eye for an eye. you take pleasure in coming out on top, always. i don’t think you can ever be wrong. moreover, i don’t think that you are ever satisfied. there’s a gluttonous energy here… like a kid in a candy store. you aren’t just satisfied with having candy, you have to take it from someone else, watch them cry and then eat it in front of them lol. emotionally, you are extremely volatile. when you are going through it, everyone around you is going through it bc you put them through hell. other people just don’t know how to deal with you. however, unlike the first pile there is a sense of self-awareness here. it’s like you have these breakthrough moments where you want to be better or you fantasize abt the idea of being more “normal” or balanced. it reminds me of that scene in Kill Bill where Gogo is talking to that boy in a seemingly normal, flirty, teenage interaction, but then she stabs him with her tanto, spilling his blood everywhere lol. that’s the thing, you love being chaotic, and it’s not a secret. some of you don’t know the definition of patience, and it shows. there is a certain amount of pleasure you derive from being a wild card. you embrace this as living your truth and you don’t want to change. your emotions will get the best of you every time, if you let them.

three

you have a strong amount of passion, it’s almost overwhelming. not many people can match your level of intensity, which is why you tend to be a loner. you fiercely chase after what you want, however your goals are always changing. your endgame doesn’t seem to be quite as defined as some may assume, you just try to make the best choices at that time, optimizing whatever situation you’re in. a lack of clear ambition can make room for deceit or manipulation. you would make a great second-in-command bc you are a go-getter, and other people would jump at the opportunity to use you to do their bidding. there’s an awakening happening for this group. you have yet to realize your full potential, especially when it comes to career. there are energies around you that look at you and see a wonderful opportunity, be careful whom you align yourself with, in any capacity, but i am getting a specific message abt romance/marriage. you awaken a certain amount of sexual and/or creative energy in others, i’m getting that you could possibly end up becoming someone’s muse. this pile’s energy is very concise, like a story that is still unwritten. this pile could be full of late bloomers. your time will come.

☆ more readings on tiktok ★

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie and the Aftermath 

There’s something so satisfying about a story that pays off every beat it has set up, isn’t there? I am going to have comparably less to say about this episode than the last one, and it’s not because it’s any less masterful. It’s because I already said it last week, because this show’s writing is so damn consistent that after watching that episode I knew exactly what needed to happen to continue the characters’ emotional arcs. 

Shoutout to @wen-kexing-apologist, @neuroticbookworm, @bengiyo, and @fadelikeclouds, all of whom wrote relevant essays I’ve linked to here. 

So in this episode, we continue the arcs for our core four as expected:

Tien is sad, delivering truths Tai needs, and generally continuing to be an emotional rock even as he nurses his own broken heart

Lomfon has realized that he kissed the wrong brother, and is beginning to clean up his mess with a much needed apology to Tai

Patts is going through it (and lord does Pee continue to kill it in this final arc) and still upset with Tai, but because he’s Patts he still tries to compromise and reach out one more time (which the show smartly blocks with a well-timed misunderstanding) before he decides to pack up and try a change of scenery to nurse his broken heart

Tai stubbornly continues to passively wait for Patts to be the one to make amends, forgives Lomfon easily (because that boy never mattered to him enough to bother holding a grudge), and then goes and pitches a fit at his mother’s wedding because he continues to be entirely self-absorbed 

The grace Tai received from his family is perhaps more than he deserved given his extremely childish behavior in the context of those scenes, but we know how much he needed to finally understand what happened with his parents so that he could begin to heal and get his shit together about Patts. I really loved the direction the show took with this. As it usually does (episode 10's big explosion excepted), the show steered away from high drama and revealed that their breakup was entirely mundane - they realized their romantic relationship wasn’t working, and decided to split up even though they still love each other.

@sliceduplife and @neuroticbookworm pointed out to me that this episode is the first time we actually learn Tai’s parents names - Yadfah and Warun - and I think it’s because this is the first time we are seeing them as actual people instead of stand-ins for Tai’s hang-ups. And as we learned, contra to Tai's long held belief, it was Tai’s dad who ultimately decided to release them from this obligatory soulmate marriage, giving them the freedom they needed to live happier lives while keeping their platonic connection intact and sticking together through the rain. 

That’s fucking beautiful, and you could see how moved and shaken Tai was as he realized he’d gotten it all wrong. And his dad did us one better by making the point explicit: Tai done fucked up by dumping Patts, and needed a reminder that when you find a good love, you have to take care of it.

Tai needed to hear that so desperately. He did so much damage to his relationships, and for no damn good reason. Tien already made sure he knew that it was his lying that caused all the drama, and now he can see from the way his parents treat each other that his approach to his relationship with Patts has been wrong-headed from the start. And so we head into the finale where we’ll get to see him finally be the one to reach out to Patts, to use his words, and to make amends for the things he got wrong.

I want to end by just mentioning how incredible it is that this show managed to wind up to such a high drama emotional climax and then pivot immediately to such a quiet, calm release of tension while keeping everything emotionally consistent. This is only possible when the writing, acting, directing, and editing all come together perfectly. I have every confidence that La Pluie will stick the landing.