#i am extremely bad at remebering names for some reason

[gorewound]

I was gonna write a big analysis post about how Triter is like Greg's Evil Twin but instead I need to inform you all that last night I forgot his name and referred to him as "Officer Tito" so now that's his name in this household and you all know too.

[writingforatwistedworld]

Can I have a self aware au like player gets into an accident which resulted in her/them getting memory loss about certain parts in her/their life and completely forgets about twisted wonderland so she doesn't/they don't open the game for like a week and a half and when they get curious about this strange game in her/their phone, she opens the game and starts remembering things ofc including her/their beloved favorite character, and so (name) starts telling them about everything that has happened and apologizes for not opening the game for a long time. So how would Lilia, Vil, Leona, Malleus react to all this new information about their dear player?

If the characters are too much you don't have to do Leona and Malleus (p.s you're literally my favorite twisted wonderland author thank you for writing and just existing in general (◕ᴗ◕✿), remember to take breaks and stay hydrated and yo don't have to accept this request no pressure <3 )

Aww thank you so much. This is so sweet! I have to take accident part out bc it could be triggering to some but hmm... let's say that you had completely forgotten about TWST for some reason.

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, unhealthy mindset, delusional

Lilia Vanrouge/Vil Schoenheit-Remebering Twisted Wonderland

You heard from a friend about the game Twisted Wonderland

It sounded familiar

Too familiar

Even after seeing the icon on your screen you still couldn't remember where you had seen it before

And why the heck were parts of the story already unlockedd without you playing through the chapters before them??!

Then it hit you

TWST!

Right!

How could you have ever forgotten it??!

So many hours simply grinding and getting angry because your level was sometimes too low to proceed...

Apologizing to the screen you almost felt embarresed

There was no way this had any impact (besides taking away some of the guilt off your consciousness)

If only you knew that a certain someone was listening to you...

Of course it's the little shi... the charming young general (this is all for comedic purpose I am not hating on Lilia)

How long had he waited for this moment?

After you left suddenly one day nothing was the same

The days felt even duller than before, the flow of time agonizing slower

Lilia felt like someone had ripped out his soul and left his body like a shell left to rot away

It felt like millions of years had passed yet the fact that his old schoolmates were still here disproved this

When you started to apologize he felt touched

He never wanted you to feel bad for leaving, just wanting you to return

You nearly made him cry because he was so touched

The great overseer being sad because they weren't there all this time

How touching and...

What absolute nonsense

He should be the one bowing down, apologizing for being so inattentive which would lead to your leave

Don't expect him to let you wander away again

There is a nice cozy room in his home just for you...

He was devastated when you were gone

All this time he thought that he had disappointed you

Vil sees himself as one of those that are a example for the pursuit of your perfection

This makes him believe that his performance was so disappointing that you left

But... now you are back?

What had he done to deserve the honor of a second chance?

And how did he look??! Hair not properly brushed, makeup smudged and so many more flaws...

To you it seems like everything is as you left it but behind that screen there is a desperate man

Your apologies just enter one ear and leave the other

He is in such a state of mind that he can't think of a different possibility

After all, if the flaw wasn't with him then he could never correct it

So his mind makes things up so he can cope with your disappearance better

Vil goes now to even greater extremes to gain your favour

He knows that he is not capable of handling such situation again

So just look at him, only him! You are only allowed to see perfect things and even if he is still far away from your standard, he is closer than anyone else to it!

[blackthorncurse]

A Court of Silver Flames (Spoiler version)

Overall Score: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Disclaimer: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR A COURT OF SILVER FLAMES READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! You have been warned don’t hate me if you get spoiled and that goes for the rest of the ACOTAR books too!! There is also some spoilers for the Throne of Glass series mentioned!

“Power lay in her hand. Death gripped her by the other.”

“The first time I saw that look on your face, you were still human... and I nearly went to my knees before you.”

So I wanted to do two versions of my review so that people could avoid spoilers and so that I could also gush about parts of this book that made me feel SO many things!! There is also a lot to talk about in this book so it might be a bit long sorry in advance! To be honest it’s more of a discussion than a review!

First of all, I loved this book. I did not expect to because I didn’t particularly like Nestas character, I felt like she was kind of mean to everyone for no reason and was just plain rude. However, after reading this book I can definitely say I like her a lot more now but maybe not as much as I was hoping. This was mostly because even though I loved all of the new found friendships and found family stuff that was going on with Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie but I couldn’t help but feel like she could have directed that towards Feyre and Elain (and even Amren) instead. Nesta kept complaining that Amren and Elain had chosen Feyre over her but then didn’t really do much to try and make up for all the stuff she’d said and done to her sisters. However this was probably because Nesta was saying that it felt good to become friends with these girls because they knew nothing about her and so would not judge her for the things she had done in the past so I can accept that, but it did annoy me a little. I’ll come back to that thought later because I want to go through some of the notes I made while reading.

The first thing I noted was that I loved the dynamic between Cassian and Nesta. I loved how in the beginning of the book, Cassian was genuinely so nervous to go and get Nesta from her home and take her to Feyre. Like this big bad ass general was shaking just to go to her house and I loved that. I loved the sheer power that Nesta held even before they discovered that her power was death itself. I also loved all of the pining and sexual tension that was between these two I mean they were both horny as anything for each other and I did not expect SO MANY sexy scenes between then but I am not complaining about that. I am however complaining about the fact that this book practically confirmed that the original threesome scene was going to be between Nesta, Cassian and Azriel (we were truly robbed) as Nesta had some dirty thoughts about being in between the two males.

The next thing that I noted was after Nesta had begun working in the library. I was trying to keep a keen eye out for any links to Throne of Glass and Crescent City as sjm had confirmed that they were all interlinked in some way. When Nesta was helping Gwyn with the books for Merrill, Gwyn said that Merrill was once researching the theories of different worlds and dimensions I originally had thought that this was a nod to the tog and cc worlds but after Nesta found the harp and discovered that it had 26 strings for the 26 dimensions theorised by Merrill’s research I wasn’t so sure but it was interesting to think about. Also, linking to this point, I wondered if the falling red star that was pointed out toward the end of the book was a nod to the part in Kingdom of Ash when Aelin is going through all of the worlds and sees Rhysand and Feyre on a hill. I could have been clutching at straws here but Feyre was definitely pregnant in that scene so it could have been. Lastly on the point of all the books being linked, I wondered if the symbols that were found in the prison and in the archway later on in the book were Wyrdmarks from the tog universe. It would make sense as they formed a barrier that only Nesta could pass through as she was cauldron made and we think Aelin has something to do with the cauldron and no one knew what they symbols meant?

The next thing I wanted to talk about was Nesta’s newfound friends Gwyn and Emerie. I love these girls they are so strong and badass and I loved the idea of Nesta wanting to train up some more of the females from the library to defend themselves. I also reveled in the idea of them training to become Valkyries and cutting the ribbon, going through all the courses and then the blood rite together. There was certainly enough female empowerment in this book to keep me satisfied. I also had to have a wonder if Gwyn is to become Azriel’s new love interest and if Emerie is to become Morrigan’s? I could definitely see something between these couples and I’m excited to see where it goes.

Coming back to the amount of power that Nesta holds, I loved how the plot would often come back to the part where Nesta was made a high fae in the cauldron and pointed at Hybern as a final warning to him. When she points at anyone during this book they all seem to shy away from her as if they all remeber the power she held in a single finger and I thought this was a really cool thing. I also enjoyed seeing Nesta become more and more powerful physically and mentally through all of her training. Even though parts of it could have been seen as slightly repetitive with the training and the 10,000 stairs, it still held my attention throughout and I was rooting for Nesta to become stronger and make it down the stairs! (Also she stabbed an Illyrian warrior in the balls during the blood rite and I thoroughly enjoyed that)

The last point about Nesta and Cassian I wanted to touch on was them finally discovering that they were mates (FINALLY!!). I mean everyone kind of guessed it already but it was definitely nice to have it confirmed. The book teased it at multiple points in the story but like sjm does it wasn’t confirmed until right near the end of the book and Nesta got thrown into the blood rite straight after which had me biting my nails for their relationship! I would have liked the story to further explore Cassian being under the control of Briallyn and the whole scene where she shows up and Nesta kills her felt extremely rushed. I would have preferred the book to either have cut out some other scenes to make doom for more development there or made the book longer.

Finally, relating to to other characters I was definitely not expecting Feyre to be pregnant in this book. I mean I was maybe expecting the extra Feysand chapter at the end to reveal that she was pregnant but I certainly wasn’t expecting her to be pregnant AND give birth to her son in this book. The whole pregnancy story gave me so much anxiety with how she might have died and then Nesta revealing this to her and Rhysand going apeshit over it. But of course, this is a sjm book and Nesta saves Feyre right at the last moment from not only her dying, but rhysand and the baby by giving back her powers to the cauldron (although I’m sure some of them remain). Although it was predictable and I knew that they would never really die, I still found myself sobbing at the thought that they could have. Also can we talk for a second about how cute of a name Nyx is for Feysand’s son I mean come on I’m so happy for them! My very last point I wanted to make was that Azriel was not in this book nearly enough for my liking. I was so so sure that this book was going to set up Azriel for a book of his own but now I’m not so sure, he was hardly in it and I missed him a great deal.

Overall, I think this was the quickest I’ve ever read a 750 page book. I could not put it down I absolutely loved it and despite some disappointments, it has definitely made me re discover my love for ACOTAR which I am probably going to start re reading immediately. I’m so excited to see where sjm goes with the rest of the series and I felt like this was a fitting end for Nesta and Cassian.

[aromoji]

FAQ

(Pwease no rebloggy, this is subject to change)

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here. For some reason both black Africans and black Americans seem to have a problem with that. I will not elaborate on this.

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked 

I’ve already answered this

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

This person explains it better than I can. Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriative at all. Also shut up, racist.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-lgbt- cishet, or people who aren’t lgbt

non trans - cis

etc

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. Die mad about it.

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]!

I usually double check myself, just to be sure. If the person’s url is uncensored I’m not going to post the ask

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Are you an anti?

Yes. Here’s why

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you an inclusionist/exclusionist?

Yes and no. I do think aces + aros are lgbt but they still should have spaces outside of the lgbt community because they have issues that both overlap with the lgbt community but are also different as well. Idk wtf is going on with the inclus community, but exclus are nonetheless insufferable, I’ve never met a single ‘respectful’ exclusionist who doesn’t thinks unironically calling themselves an aphobe is a personality trait or doesn’t reblog from people who feel that way. As someone who’s definetly not cishet in any sense of the word, I don’t believe the acecourse is about the “cishet aces and aros” like they claim.

Also as an addendum: I don’t like being called queer nor do I agree with calling people who do not reclaim the term as such, but that doesn’t mean people who are comfortable with the label shouldnt be allowed to reclaim it for themselves and take pride in it. Unironically calling yourself a queerphobe is cringe bro, and calling people “kweers” is disrespectful to asian queer people who use it as a personal identity

I’m also pro-pansexuality, no I don’t think pan people oppress or harm me as a bi (and trans) person. Yes, they should check their transphobia, but that is the case for people of any orientation.

Please don’t send asks about this. I am not a discourse blog, and I’m trying to stay as far away from any lgbt related discourse as possible, but I want to makae my stances clear for anyone that wants to follow me and must know before doing so. 

Do you need dysphoria to be trans?

No. Next question. 

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you pro/anti mogai?

I dont personally engage with the mogai community (and I’m pretty sure a lot of the identies people make fun of are literal trolls. Come on, no one’s actually calling themselves audiosexual...right?) but people who use mogai as an insult or run flop accounts  are cringe.

Please don’t send asks about this

Why do you continue to use the ace flag even though known homophobe David Jay made it?

He didn’t. It was created by a user named standup on the AVEN website, who has no connection to David Jay himself. A lot of aces don’t even know who the fuck this person is anyways.

Edit: I no longer identify as ace but this still stands.

Please don’t send asks about this.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?

Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I dont usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or instagram.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave.I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE.

Hey, I can’t see your blog or reblog your posts!

You were blocked. And now you’re block evading. I don’t remeber why I specifically blocked a user, but it’s most likely because you’re on my dni.

But I’m not on your dni?

You probably said or did something annoying then. Lol.  Or you’ve added a stupid comment to someone else’s posts and I don’t want that nonsense on mine, so I blocked preemptively.

There’s the occasionaly chance while I was blocking people on a spree in the notes of a bad post you may have gotten caught in the fray, and if so, I apologize.

However, there’s also a chance you also blocked me on @mojiis and yet continued to interact here. So I blocked back.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come up on this blog a lot.  I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I’ve decided in order to be fair I’m tagging any possible lgbt related slur as the letter itself. Hopefully those who dont want to see it will have it black listed and I wont offend the people who reclaim it. I don’t tag the n word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals. 

Do you want to be mutuals?

 I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 17. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but don’t post about things I’m interested in.

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but dont take my word for it. I’m also tme, ablebodied, not jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny,  (physical?) ableism, antisemeitsm, “sycourse”, etc. 

I might be able to give advice on school related stuff, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

What’s your main blog?

If you know, you know.

Why do you continuously move mains/change urls/update themes?

I’m inconsitent. Plus someone is stalking me.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?

Of course!

[hecohansen31]

A Little Gain Of Her

(Hawthorne! Michael Langdon+Virgin! Reader (+Succubus)

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

We finally made it!

I finally managed to publish the last part of “A Liittle Loss of Innocence” (Part One, Part Two)  and I am very nervous about it, because I hope it will be a worth finale to this series, which is one of my first finieshed series (MIRACLES DO HAPPEN).

As always: want to give me some feedback, heart, comments and reblog help me a lot (alongside DMs about what you liked or asks about what you didn’t, just remeber to be nice and kind!).

Feedback means the WORLD to us, fanfics writers and we will love you for ever if you do!

So I hope you will enjoy it, and let me know if you have any asks that might turn up in spin-offs for this series, love you, lovelies!

(also guys there is a little disclaimer at the end, please read it, also I put it in the end so it wouldn’t spoil the ending, love you!)

SUMMARY: Your broken heart is reayd for more heartbreak when Michael reveals a painful discovery about how their relationship started...

Will you be able to forgive me or is he gone too far?

WORDS: 9,2 K (Yeah... I might have written a bit...)

WARNINGS: Loss of Virginity (So there will be a bit of blood), Sex, Oral Sex (Male-Female receiving) A Bit of Dirty Talk, Heartbreak (Angst), Relationship Starting With Dub-Con, Teasing and Edging (also Demonic Infestetation and Succubus).

One of the true facts that had made her laugh was the one which said that you could die from heartbreak.

She found it so stupid, mostly when she honestly believed that a break-up, something which usual provoked heartbreak, wasn’t something so heavy and horrible to make your heart stop pumping blood.

But she didn’t laugh now, that her own heart was beating so slowly.

Almost as slowly her entire life, which had become unmoving, stuck in a hellish limbo, between routine and the will to do nothing but stay on her bed and cry there, hiding herself under the fluffy blankets, meanwhile she held her pillow to her chest, trying to suppress its shudders, but they still shook her body till late at night, when exhaustion took over.

She honestly felt on the brink of death and laughed at her own stupid heart for being this frail.

Even more disappointed in herself because what had happened to her wasn’t a break-up, but a straight up rejection.

(She honestly didn’t know how else to describe Michael’s words, so arrogant and light, but they still broke her heart in its deepest place).

She had, at first, felt so ridiculously stupid for having believed that he might have wanted something else from her, other than her body.

Her first reaction had been anger, throwing things in each way she could, her magic acting out randomly snapping doors closed and open continuously meanwhile books opened and glass shattered.

She had calmed down after all the energy had been lost and there had been left nothing but her emptiness.

There she asked herself why he couldn’t love her, till it heartbreakingly broke her heart to see herself in her worst state for a man.

(A man she had trusted and somehow might have loved).

But it hurt her too much and since then any distraction had been good for her, but at night, when distractions couldn’t help her, her bed ate her and exhaustion soothed her broken heart, mended roughly with a band-aid, meanwhile she hoped for her brain would just forget about him.

But it didn’t.

She had good reasons to believe that it would never forget him.

That night her bed had seemed extremely tempting, but her friends, sad and bored of seeing her moping around and moving as fast as she could, had made her take part to the annual “Witch Ball”.

In the mortal world she had never cared for these things, usually not having a knight, but right now she felt even less interested, tired and sad, definitely not in the best shape to be pushed into a pretty dress and high heels.

But she hadn’t been able to say no to her friends, when she knew they were the saddest to see her waste away, but they didn’t dare to ask for any details (although from the growls Madison had mumbled when Michael had walked in the library, one day, while they were there, she knew that they had some general ideas on what might have caused her sickness) not wanting to bring bad memories on her mind.

She knew they just wanted to make her feel better, but she didn’t know if it might have been possible, anymore.

She had no will and hope for happiness, no matter the sweet daily enjoyment she tried to find, to avoid that black hole that was in her heart.

So, she had agreed to slip herself in an elegant pink dress, the colors bringing a bit of softness in her sad sad smile, meanwhile a few good touches of make-up and to her hair had brought her back from the village of the dead, bringing a bit of colors to her face, meanwhile the hair finally out of her face were elegant and not in a messy or silly bun.

She had talked with her friends and laughed, meanwhile it all went on, meanwhile it all happened, feeling her heart soar a bit during the silly conversations; she definitely felt grateful for her friends, she was lucky to have them, but she didn’t want her sadness to be contagious for her friends.

She felt the like the only one who stuck out: single, a virgin and sad.

But she tried to keep that thought out of her head.

But it all came back as she was alone, waiting for Coco and Mallory to get ready, although from the noise she could hear behind their door, they weren’t using make-up, but definitely making out, which made her roll her eyes, a sarcastic laugh escaping her lips, meanwhile she played with her dress, dusting it off and raising it to avoid it getting caught in her nude heels.

And as if the universe heard her complain, the source of it appeared in front of her eyes.

She mistook him for a vision, much better than any water in a desert.

He wore an elegant tuxedo, but not the typical one she had seen each Hawthorne boy wore.

No, he just couldn’t avoid being a peacock even in this event, going for an elegant black tuxedo but with red designs over it, beautiful but also clearly not something everyone could pull off, unlike him, who looked completely at ease in the assemble.

His elegant dark red loafers made no sound as he moved closer to her, looking at the floor, till he raised his head to meet her eyes, which had been waiting for his azure ones and when they met she immediately saw the change in them.

The arrogant look softened.

He seemed almost happy to see her.

And she couldn’t believe he could lie so well.

She immediately lowered her eyes to the ground, her legs twisting under her, pushing her as far away from him as she could, her back hitting the soft plush velvet of the walls, her naked shoulder brushing against it, and she felt nothing but pure coldness.

He seemed to take in all her reaction, saddened by it, biting his lips slowly, pushing his bottom between his teeth, tormenting it as if he wanted to torture himself almost as she did, making himself feel like her; but she just couldn’t believe that he felt any kind of emotion different from lust or arrogance.

He still moved closer, but stopped close enough for them to have a relatively big space between them, and leaving her a little piece of air to breathe in peace.

But all the air she was taking in to avoid a mental breakdown was immediately taken away from what he said her.

-I know it doesn’t matter… but you look gorgeous, tonight-.

Of course, it didn’t matter.

But she still couldn’t help but release the first honest and genuine smile in weeks, on her lips.

-… you don’t look so bad yourself- she mumbled, immediately looking away: he didn’t deserve her love and he didn’t deserve her pity.

He let out an embarrassed laugh, his hair being thrown back, catching the light in a perfect arch of golden she wanted to touch and mess, but she just pushed her nails further in the weak skin of her palms.

She half-expected him to walk away as he had done before, almost challenged him to do it, minding him no attention, hoping for Mallory and Coco to finish their make-out session in order to finally be able to go to the ball together.

But the universe had somehow declared she couldn’t have a moment of peace.

-… (Y/N)…- she wanted to tell him not to say her name with those plump lips of his, the most sensual sound came out of them, a prayer of a fool in the throes of pleasure and they hadn’t even touched -…I think we need to talk-.

-What for? – her hysterics were shown through her tone, full of derision and annoyance, a mask to keep him from knowing how much she had wished for those words, praying that one day he would barge in her bedroom, and ask for her forgiveness on his knees.

She would cruelly deny him on most nights she dreamed it, but during her most feverish dreams… what they hadn’t been able to conclude happened, with her hands in his hair, pulling and his mouth latched on her nipples, exactly just like last time.

-… I think that you know that last time I sent you away, rather unkindly…- his tone matched hers, clearly not wanting to appear a lesser opponent, but softness shone in his eyes, asking and begging for her to give him a chance to talk, as if he was speaking to a wounded animal.

She was a wounded deer in his eyes, but the truth was that she was much worse, a broken woman, with him having destroyed the thing that held her entire heart together.

-You say “unpolitely” I say “you are an asshole, and I don’t need to encourage your assholish views”- she honestly wanted to take that step further, the one that would hurt him as he had hurt her, but she just couldn’t turn around and leave him there.

She had been always too sweet for this game of love.

-… I know that I am indeed even worse than what you believe me to be, but explanations might bring some kind of relief to your aching soul, because if you feel even a miniscule amount of the pain I have in my heart, I feel nothing but respect for you for walking around with your head high, you are much stronger than what I believed-.

She honestly didn’t want to give up just because of his silver-tongue, each word delivered perfectly with a troubled expression, as if he found it difficult to discover she had missed him almost as much as he had missed her.

Suddenly his eye bags seemed more evident and the frown on her mouth was laced with wrinkles made from worry and not enough sleep: she had been too focused on his outfit, to notice he was a broken man as well.

But she hadn’t been the one to close the door in his face, last time.

-… you might speak, but in English and I don’t want silly words to cover up the major fuck-up you did- she couldn’t hide the fact that she had been infected by the little laughter of relief he left out and he took a step closer, almost coming closer enough to touch her, eyeing her arms, naked because of the sleeveless dress.

He wanted to touch her so badly, but her dark eyes sought nothing but a reason to run away and disappear under his touch warned him.

-I promise I will do my best not to take any of your precious time- he promised, charmingly and she just rolled her eyes and almost went back to remind him about the “no pretty words policy” -… but I just couldn’t take you, last time-.

She blushed at the mention of the natural act they had almost committed to, last time.

-I was more than willing to go on- she pointed out, trying to lessen the warmth on her cheeks, she just hoped that it might not be too evident.

-And so was I- she honestly felt like she could breathe.

For the entire time, she had almost been worried that he might have seriously not wanted her, horrified by her appearance, her willingness or just because she wasn’t enough, this had sent her even farther down the self-pity road, her self-esteem completely buried under her own ugliness.

-… then why? – she breathed out, coming closer, meanwhile his eyes eyed the ground extremely carefully,

-I couldn’t… when you don’t know the truth, the entire truth- she looked at him confused, but he kept his eyes away from her -… I was the one who summoned the succubus and linked it to you-.

Her heart missed a beat and she was sure she had heard it in the wrong away: he didn’t mean what he meant, he just couldn’t.

-… you didn’t seem interested in me, or better… I thought you were too shy to… I know it was a very bad idea, but I thought you might need to lower your inhibitions for us to have a conversation-.

-We didn’t have a conversation- her tone was rough, pure stone against metal and he knew he had said the exact worst thing ever -… and it wasn’t my inhibitions you lowered: they were the barriers I put up so people like you don’t hurt me-.

Not to talk about the fact that she felt so dirty at the thought the he just manipulated her.

-…. I know! I know, I did wrong… and pushed you into something you didn’t want to, but… I need you, desperately…-.

-You can beg all you want, things will never change- she finally had the strength to do what she had been supposed to do since the start of this conversation -I hate you even more-.

She turned around, not sparing a single look for him: anger and shame burned on her cheeks and in her chest, meanwhile sadness screamed in her head, enough that she barely heard what Michael had to say, before she left him and his life.

Forever.

For good.

It was barely a whisper but…

“It’s all too bad, because my heart can only love you”.

She had been trying to clear her mind, but halfway through the ball she had been unable to do anything to stop the tremors in her hands due to her conflicting emotions, which had made her unable to focus, and knowing that her friends would get worried she did her best in order to hide every sign of discomfort, before taking advantage of the opening of the dances to jump herself in the bathroom.

There she had brushed calmly her hair out of her face, before dipping without much gentleness her face under it, knowing it would ruin the masterpiece that her friends had created, but she felt it prick at her skin annoyingly, meanwhile with her hands she pulled on the zipper on the side of her dress, finally let breathing again.

She knew she must have looked pathetic, halfway through a panic attack, Michael’s words circling in her mind mixing together.

“I was the one who summoned the succubus” and then “It’s all too bad, because my heart can only love you”.

It was all an all too sick game he liked to play, toying with her as a cat did with a mouse, which he wanted to eat.

But his voice sounded so genuine and his expression was so hurt.

But what he had done with the succubus was something she couldn’t forgive.

He had not only violated her trust but also he had violated her in a way that made her feel sick.

Clearly, she had had some kind of attraction on him, enough for the incubus spell to work on her, but it still didn’t allow him to take advantage of it in that way.

It was as if she had been dosed with aphrodisiacs and, although it wasn’t legal, it wasn’t the ideal start of a relationship she had to say.

How could she trust him, again?

She was checking herself out in the mirror, collecting the mascara under her eyes, when slowly she saw a black stain appear on the mirror; at first she thought it was just a little bit of mascara which had ended in her eyes, but slowly she realized that it was on the mirror.

And it was becoming more and more larger.

Till it completely shadowed her, as if she there was a shadow in the mirror, completely mimicking her body.

And when she had a “shadow twin”, it finally escaped the mirror, dividing itself from it and slowly gaining new features, till she had again her succubus twin in front of her.

-What the hell?! Weren’t you supposed to be gone? – she honestly didn’t know what to say, mostly after she had discovered that it was Michael the puppeteer behind her; maybe he had had wanted to try again to make her succumb to his wishes, using the succubus and its power.

But she wouldn’t fall again, immediately invoking a protection spell.

-… let’s just say that I am not here on my count- she replied, meanwhile twirling her ponytail and checking out her new outfit -… by the way… I like this outfit, brings out the little virgin you are-.

She tried not to blush but, apparently, her idea that it was Michael who was behind all of this was true… she honestly should have gone straight up to Cordelia…

-Your lover is in danger- she almost chocked on air, looking at her confused, who just shoot back at her a direct and annoyed glance as if to say “oh you didn’t know” -… I am here, because my previous master left the gate open and I have heard that some creatures might want to escape their realities-.

Which would explain her presence here, even if she and Michael had sent her away.

The gate, which linked the demonic world and human world, was still open, allowing many other demons to walk in comfortably, if they found the right road.

… which could be a total coverage for the succubus to get her to go to Michael, with a fake excuse.

-… you don’t believe me- it clearly shown in her eyes and the incubus saw it -… and I honestly know that we started with the wrong foot…-.

-Michael used you to make me fuck me, doesn’t it bother you? – it honestly bothered her, mostly when the succubus sported her matching face.

-Sweetie, I thrive on sexual energy- explained the succubus, checking herself out in the mirror, popping her lips to let the lip-gloss touch her lips in order to expand more the glossy substance -… I honestly am happy as long as that boy fucks something and satisfies is darkest desires-.

She seemed honestly enough for being an agent of chaos and a demon.

-… so I should trust you-.

-… or you couldn’t and your boyfriend will be eaten by a sloth demon… I don’t make the rules …I…- she just looked down, something almost human shining in her bottomless eyes -… I just came here to warn you so that you can save your lover boy-.

-First of all, he isn’t my boyfriend, second of all I hate him so I might as well leave him to been eaten by a sloth demon…- she could have laughed at the absurdity of the entire situation -… he betrayed me and used a succubus on me! -.

-And he told you he did it! – the succubus exclaimed almost too personally as if the thing personally shook her: he had been truthful with her, so he got a free ticked to exit the “you are an asshole” prison -… what I am trying to say is that his life would have been easier whether he hadn’t told you anything about the entire thing… he would have gotten the girl, but he chose to go down the harder path, knowing you would hate him for this-.

She was speechless, because she hadn’t thought about that in that perspective and although it wasn’t exactly a point in favor of Michael, she could see that he could have completely gotten the girl without much effort, hiding for ever that secret: it would have worked and it was a plan that would have perfectly suited arrogant Michael.

But why hadn’t he chosen it?

-You are miserable without him, and he is miserable without you… so… - the succubus batted her eyelashes as if this was the easiest of logics -… you should be together so you can be happy together-.

She didn’t need to word the question out, because the succubus answered it immediately:

-I might have this… call it prevision… that he might like you, more than as a fuckbuddy-.

-He is still an asshole- she replied, because even if she excused him, this would take a long time to be solved.

-It wouldn’t be funny if he wasn’t- replied the succubus, before offering her hand -… we better hurry up, those sloth demons can be very different from their names-.

The succubus followed her staying invisible to her and her friends, meanwhile she questioned Michael’s asking for his whereabouts and she alerted John Henry.

“Is it necessary?” had mumbled the succubus, in her ear, after she had alerted the older warlock, with the excuse of “Langdon probably has some bug in his stomach, he retreated early”.

“Do you have any knowledge on how to kill a demon more than me and him?” the succubus had stayed silent “Then professor Moore comes with us”.

“Wouldn’t you be enough?”.

It depended on whether Michael had opened a gate of hell or just a small door, and it was always good to have back up.

And also, if this was a ploy made by Michael to get her to fall in his arms, she would have been saved by John Henry.

Play me once, shame on you.

Play me twice, shame on me.

She rushed through the stairs, meanwhile the warlock tried to keep her pace behind her, screaming to go slower “or she would break a leg and there would two wounded in the infirmary”.

-… I honestly don’t think that I am the most appropriate person for this…-mumbled the warlock, clearly missing the punch he had previously spiked -… you have much better healers-.

She had chosen John Henry because she knew that he could keep a secret and knew reservation better than Hawthorne’s rules, whereas alerting Cordelia would have gotten both her and Michael in trouble.

-… I just thought it would be appropriate to make Michael be visited by a male- she honestly knew it sounded as a lie, but they were five minutes from Michael’s room and she just needed for the warlock to open the door, mostly because she already could smell the stench of rotten eggs.

“What the heck did you do, Michael?” she mumbled, mentally, thinking that if she ever thought about a relationship with him, she would have burned all his demonology books.

They immediately rushed feeling inhuman screams and when they opened the door the succubus mumbled an “oh shit” in her ear, meanwhile John Henry straight up went:

-… you said it was a bug, (L/N)? – and looked at the demons who were covering Michael’s furniture, in the form of bugs, indeed -… because there are many more and those aren’t normal bugs…-.

“… those are Damnation Beasts” murmured the succubus in her ear, before retreating slowly when a bug crawled towards her “… they eat human skin, I would stay away from them”.

-Thank you for your suggestion- she said between gritted teeth, looking around the room for any sign of Michael, but there were none and this made her heart sunk.

It hadn’t been a ploy to get her to go back to him and…

… what if she had been a minute too late and Michael had already been eaten by the Damnation Beasts and whatever had exited the door he had left open?

-(L/N) might you think about lending me a hand to kill all those insects- mumbled John Henry, meanwhile he shielded them with a protection spell.

-Yes, of course…- but she was halfway through and overthinking attack “where the hell was Michael?!” -… I am just…-.

-… panicking? – humored her the man, meanwhile he joined their hands -… just follow me, (L/N)-.

She nodded, knowing that she would try her best to at least avoid those beasts going around her school, and then she could think about Michael… she hoped.

The succubus’ hand went around her protectively, hissing badly at the flesh-easting bastards, meanwhile she repeated each Latin word John Henry uttered, till a strong blow of energy emerged from both of them, making her close her eyes for the intensity of it and when she opened them, there was nothing left of the insects, but it wasn’t done.

John immediately moved toward Michael’s bed, immediately grabbing an open book, from where a bat shaped demon was trying to escape just to get pushed back in by John, meanwhile the man muttered curses and enchantments, she honestly couldn’t tell the difference.

Bu she also couldn’t tell where Michael had been: there was no trace of him… and she was seriously starting to panic…

… and that made her hurt more than the thought of him rejecting her or tricking her.

She looked around, anxiety taking over till she finally saw Michael on the threshold looking at them confused.

-Just a demonic infestation, nothing out of the ordinary, Langdon- mumbled John Henry adjusting his hair, but Michael hadn’t seen the most surprising thing ever yet, with the way she basically threw herself at him, too worried about the fact that she had almost lost him.

He immediately tightened the hold, immerging himself in the crook of her neck, meanwhile she could feel the succubus snicker.

-You are alive- she mumbled, caressing his face as if to make sure he was real, meanwhile he grabbed her hand to bring it to his lips.

-… and you are not pissed with me anymore? – he seemed surprised again, as if he hadn’t realized she just thought he was lost forever, but before she could answer properly, John spoke up.

-… I am, you get detention, Mr Langdon, and you will have to pass me every demonology book you own- he affirmed meanwhile Michael tried to protest, saying that those books were his and nobody…

-…I will personally bring them to you, Mr Moore- she replied to John, meanwhile sending a look to Michael which clearly said “it’s either this or I set fire to them and you together”, which made him relent.

-… and you are also in detention, Mrs (L/N), I honestly don’t know what you have to do with this, but a lot of amazing spiked punch was wasted to solve this…- he mumbled, rolling his eyes, before eyeing the succubus as if he could see her, which he was actually doing -… and if the lady wants to join me, I can assure her the best night of her life-.

She honestly didn’t need to see her teacher smirking at the succubus who had her appearance (although she was sure it had a different appearance to John Henry, since it usually mimicked the appearance of the beloved by its beholder), and the succubus smirked back.

-Are they flirting? -Michael asked meanwhile she just tried to erase this memory from the night.

“Just give me a minute, handsome” replied the succubus softly and purring, sending a kiss on his way and turning around towards her and Michael “Have fun, lovelies! And be safe, he is a manchild so remember con…!”.

She petrified the succubus in her place, sending her an annoyed huff, before the succubus disappeared with a light laugh and in a twirl of smoke.

-… that was traumatizing…-.

-You weren’t here five minutes ago witnessing the literal demonic bug infestation in your room, so you can’t talk- she replied, meanwhile turning around to avoid being so close to him, her skin already tingling at the memory of how they had been embraced early -… next time, close whatever you are doing before starting to jerk off-.

He erupted in laughter and she did the same a few second back, grabbing her aching belly, clearly proved by what had happened that night: a confession, a demonic infestation and her teacher flirting with a succubus version of herself…

Well, at least life with Michael was always interesting.

-I will keep it mind, next time- he mumbled, meanwhile strolling in his room and starting to collect books, old leather and pentagrams on them told her they were the famous demonology books -… thank you for saving my life, although I do not deserve it-.

-You are an asshole not a waste of time, don’t misunderstand me- because no matter what he did, she couldn’t hate, she couldn’t stay away, it would hurt too much, so the best way was to clear things up and start again, start over and not forget about anything but try to move past it -… I would have honestly preferred that you came up to me and asked me out, but you went for the succubus method, which is… a bit fucked up… but we can work around it if you promise two things…-.

He stopped whatever he was doing, moving closer and kneeling down on the soft carpeted floor, in a worshipping attitude, his hands half a touch from setting down on her hips, but they kept to themselves for which she was grateful; she wasn’t sure she could handle his touch.

-Ask me the sun and the moon, and they shall be yours- he proclaimed reverently, getting an amused glare from her.

-… ok, now it’s three things: stop being melodramatic for the love of God, it’s annoying- she mumbled, throwing her hands in the air and rolling her eyes.

-C’mon, it’s making you laugh! – he replied, protesting weakly, too blinded by her smile, the intensity of him was suddenly too much for her and warmth came to her chilled bones.

-… let me talk in peace, ok? – she pleaded, knowing a look at his azure eyes would get her forgetting about all this -… first thing: you promise not to use magic on me, no matter what, because if you do, we are done and I will let Madison castrate you, got me? -.

He immediately nodded, not even slightly smiling at the Madison’s mention, but he honestly looked ready to take an oath and she couldn’t help but feel like he was indeed making an oath to her.

-… second: no matter what, we talk things, we don’t hide them between each other’s back, got me? – she knew honesty and faith in the other were the only thing that might have made this relationship work out… maybe… -… and even these things might make me not want to forgive you, understood? -.

Because she had been worried for him, but now that her mind was again cold and down to Earth, she was still wounded for his little “trick”.

But she also felt comforted that, in the end, he had chosen not to take the hoax too far.

-What I want to do right now is get to know you, like real people do, with no succubus or magic- he seemed the most sincere she had ever seen him -… I swear on whatever I might hold dear to my heart, that I will respect your rules and you-.

She just nodded, feeling that it had been enough adventurous and heartbreaking for her to retire to her chamber, but just as she was moving out of his room, she heard a whine of protest, turning around to see a disgruntled Michael:

-What is it? – she asked curious and wondering if there were still some of those flesh-eating assholes.

-We just made a deal, and it’s always good to seal it with a kiss- he mumbled cockily, looking very intensively to her pink lips, a bit swollen from the time she had spent biting them and from which a loud laugh erupted, at his affirmation.

-Have a good night with your right hand, Langdon- she replied, turning again around and flicking him her middle finger -… don’t let the flesh-eating demons bite your ass-.

Three months in a relationship with Langdon was something she had never thought of having.

And honestly it had been much easier than what she had suspected.

Not that it had been without any difficulties (one being the fact that Michael was a manchild and would constantly insist on cuddle even in the middle of a studying session) but Michael had never ever broken the rules she had given him (except the one against him being a drama queen, but she couldn’t actually say nothing when it got her one of the best dates ever, under the stars, music playing form the speakers they had set…).

So, it was only natural it all came down to that night.

Her and Michael had joined her friends in the common room, to chat a bit in a comfortable atmosphere, since they had all finished their final exams, which prompted them to let loose, embracing each other’s partners in the chaise-longue or on the sofa.

Soft conversations went on till they became pure nonsense and soon everybody went back to their respective room, except her and Michael: she had slowly made her way onto his lap, meanwhile he gently caressed her back, tracing mindless patterns and he gently traced his lips across her neck, a sweet caress which promised much more, igniting her core.

No matter the physical closeness they had slowly reached through their nights together, in her bed (because his held much more painful memories) mumbling nonsense and philosophical conversations or falling asleep at first as far as they could, not trusting their bodies, just to find themselves tangled in each other’s arms, the following morning.

But nothing sexual had been going on, and she almost regretted that her personal succubus had disappeared.

Still, she was happy of the new relationship which had grown between her and Michael a more genuine one, based on the mutual respect of each other and a tiny (huge) dose of trust.

He loved her and, slowly, she had started feeling the exact same for him, not scared of being hurt anymore.

And because of that she was finally ready to take the last step.

She slowly brought her hand to link it with his, but she went even farther bringing his hand slowly closer and closer to her center, slipping it under her skirt, making him feel her throbbing core, slightly wet due to the attraction and sexual frustration mixed with the stress of exams.

-… what is the meaning of this? – Michael asked, surprised, but his hand made no signs to move away, meanwhile his eyes became pitch black because of lust, and she gently brushed his hand on her, feeling herself became wetter under his soft ministrations, the blue of her thong slowly becoming darker because of the wet patch on it.

-Sweetie, I thought you were smarter than that- she replied, giggling to hide her embarrassment, although she had done the first move, she still didn’t know if Michael would like that approach or if he would be scared from it: boys were always intimidated by strong women.

And she half wanted to pull her hand away, when he took control, his fingers brushing away the silky feelings of her panties to brush the real thing, much softer than the fabric.

But he was a very well-developed man…

… when he wanted to…

She brought her hands down, taken by surprise at that gesture and not knowing how to react: she had been touch-starved for so long, only fulfilling her desires through her small fingers (which were nothing compared to Michael’s skilled ones) and the sudden touch scared her and excited her at the same time.

-… I think you are trying to seduce me, Mrs (L/N)- he mumbled, before he again dived into her neck, but this time he bit it, without any gentleness, he wanted to mark her down, meanwhile his fingers pushed themselves further, not inside of her but they started taking in her most sacred place, collecting sticky wetness which was quick to form, under Michael’s ministrations -… aren’t you, sweetheart? -.

She just nodded, shyly, a bit at trouble with speaking due to his expert hands working her gently but with enough perseverance that she felt something grow in her stomach, small waves of pleasure, still too little to make her lose her mind, but enough to keep her distracted, even more when he stared at her expectantly, those pool of azure eyes looking at any sign of discomfort.

-Words, (Y/N)- he insisted, knowing that she was speechless -… I need those in order to know what you want-.

-Which is you, by the way- he had relented his grasp on her, his fingers stilling, but right on her clit, provoking small and constant waves of pleasure, and she spoke in sarcasm something she was very fluent in -… I wanted you for so long and I have had enough of dancing around this-.

He laughed, gentleness shining in his eyes, before he leaned down to kiss her, retreating their mixed hands from her skin, which prompted her protest to be slowly brought up from her mouth to his and it made him smirk in the kiss.

They separated slowly, after they had sealed their path.

-… if we are going to do this…- his word let out her time to go back and reject this situation, but she didn’t -… I would like a bed, where to take you gently, as in your worst romance novel-.

-I am still ashamed that you found my stack of erotica- she blushed, and he leaned down to kiss the blush from both her cheeks, just resulting in her cheeks becoming far more warmer, meanwhile he gently brushed his excitement coated fingers against her thighs, cleaning them in her mouth, which she opened for him, sucking on them sensually or at least she tried.

She knew she had succeeded when Michael raised her up alongside him, his bulge pressing against her front, the evidence that she hadn’t been the only one affected by this.

-… I am not- he replied, giggling, meanwhile she grasped his neck to keep herself steady on him, her legs tangling automatically against his sides -… now I know what you like in bed: a very bad stall…-.

-Finish that phrase and they will never find your body- she replied, blushing at her horrible taste in books, but Michael just hugged her tighter, showing support no matter what.

-I love you, even if you have a terrible taste in bookish genres- he just confessed, nuzzling his nose against hers, before another butterfly kiss which left her wanting more.

-I love you, even though you are the biggest tease- she replied, before trying to piston her feet against him to make him go faster as indeed… a “stallion”.

He just kissed her forehead, before setting her down, their hands moved closer, linking themselves together immediately, before they moved off to his chamber, hers wouldn’t be proper, since she shared it with Madison and if with tonight she wished to delete anything that occurred in the past, she could stay in his room and avoid the thought that this is where he rejected her.

He felt her insecurity, strolling through her veins and shining in her eyes, and as soon as they were behind closed door: he pushed her against the door, shielding her head gently and kissing her passionately.

Her legs were pulled against his side, meanwhile he grinned himself against her, making the kiss become more sloppy and lazy, open mouthed with his tongue lazily exploring hers, trailing his teeth against her bottom lips, pulling on it, and meeting her eyes in the darkest of expression, his desire coursing through their mouths, meanwhile he pushed himself with such a savage fierceness, as if he wanted to penetrate her in that moment.

She was the first one to pull away, in desperate need of air.

He allowed it, but his hands started to occupy themselves with more important matters: her clothes.

He disrobed her gently, but each piece of skin meant new excitement shining in his eyes, like a child, finally allowed to eat candies… and he laced to one of her nipples immediately, without even properly unlacing her bra, just letting it hang out around her waist, with her shirt thrown off somewhere, not that she had followed its course, when she had the beautiful masterpiece of Michael Langdon sucking her nipples as if his life depended on it under her eyes.

His golden curls, obscuring the view, but they only caressed her skin, heightening her sensations.

-… you taste like the sweetest of honey- he mumbled, finally retreating himself, in the pause before he latched himself to her other nipple -…and you look like the proudest goddess-.

-What did I say about pretty words? – she just huffed, meanwhile a moan was brought out of herself.

-… they excite you- mumbled the bastard, smirking, meanwhile flicking roughly a nipple with his tongue, his hand going under her skirt again, skimming gently over her wetness as if to make her even more aware of what he had just said.

-I have a praise kink- she mumbled pushing herself closer against him -… what can I do babe? -.

He kissed her forehead, giggling gently, before he moved with her towards his plush bed, pushing her down on it, meanwhile he joined her so they could keep doing what they were doing before, with much more ease.

There, time felt so slow, no rushed touches anymore, no matter the fact that they were aching for each other.

And she had a chance to have her own turn with Michael, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, kissing every new inch of piece of skin, meanwhile her fingers tangled with his hair, him becoming mildly calm under her soft ministration, meanwhile he finally unclasped her bran and unzipped skirt, pushing it away, leaving her just in her blue panties.

And him in his dark briefs.

They met halfway again, this time the kiss was hungry and filled with pure gluttony of the other, searching for their most intimate taste, meanwhile their teeth clashed together.

And when they separated he tasted off her from her entire body, licking a big stripe of her skin with his tongue, from her collarbones to her ear, remaining there to suck a little hickey in her skin, before branding a few others on her skin, till she had enough to be mistaken for a unfortunate creature meeting a nest of mosquitos.

But she would deal with it in the morning, she had something more important in her mind.

She moved her hand in search of his length and when she met it, over the fabric, she stroked him gently stealing a breath from his mouth, which was swiftly pulled in a surprised expression, one that made her giggle, meanwhile she dosed his neck of kisses, tracing with her other hand his collarbones.

Her ministrations didn’t stop.

She remembered still the way he had teased her when she had been on his lap.

She wasn’t even in the slightest merciful: she slipped her hand in his boxer but just a few moments, enough to spread the pre-cum forming on its tip on her palm, but pulling it away swiftly, much to Michael’s protests.

And he decided to take the situation in his hands, switching their positions.

-…  my little virgin wants to play- he mumbled, his hands trapping hers, much littler than his -… well I shall not neglect her desires anymore-.

And he moved down on her, till he came in contact with her little panties, pushing them back with the hand that wasn’t holding her down.

She helped him get them out her legs twisting to accompany his movement but as soon as his face was the closest to her mound she pulled him up, protesting.

-I want to taste you- her voice seemed so wanton that she even surprised herself at her own affirmation, but Michael just sweetly smiled at her.

-You did, last time, we were together- he remembered her, meanwhile gently pushing her hair out of her face, to look at her face without it being in the way, the softness in his face, brought her to want another little kiss, her lips pouting a bit -… and I miss your taste-.

She blushed, meanwhile he just smirked, his hands moving against her front, gently cupping one of her breasts and then an idea hit her.

-I might have had an idea that might make both of us happy- she’d have to thank all the erotica books if it worked, if it didn’t, she could blame it all on them -… but I need to switch our positions-.

And jokingly she switched their positions, rolling on him, and being on top, swiftly moving till she was facing his bulge, meanwhile she carefully positioned her mound over his face, waiting for him to approve her idea, which came faster than she thought, when he reached up to lick a long strip of her, from the skin that linked her rosy hole to her clit.

She moaned out, almost losing her grip on him, but she quickly recovered, slipping him out of his briefs, hearing a trembling moan leaving his lips, but he suffocated it in her center, pushing his tongue into her most sacred area, just to retrieve more slick and suck on her little pearl.

And this started a challenge between them, not for their own pleasures but for the other’s.

She started teasing him at first with just her hand, caressing him with regard for his most sensitive areas, before her mouth gently engulfed him.

She did it slowly at first, only tasting the tip, trying to focus her best on his pleasure, but waves of pleasure were soon building in her stomach, because of Michael’s careful attention, meanwhile he was trying to imprint every piece of skin of her most sacred center.

And drink her as if she was spilling ambrosia.

She took much more, a bit annoyed by her hair, falling on her face, but she tried her best, feeling Michael moan in her mound, even take a moment, when she licked the tip, before swiftly pushing herself down the entirety of it, her hands massaging his balls.

They knew they had been bringing each other’s to their relative peaks, but they didn’t dare to give up, as if it was seriously a competition.

And she won it, although she didn’t make Michael cum, but he let go the self-imposed calm he had chosen to tease her to devour her.

And she came.

A rough scream in her mouth and her entire body trembling, enough that she fell on his body, unable to resist, meanwhile her entire body shut down due to pleasure coursing through the entirety of it.

And when she regained consciousness, Michael gently guided her through it, his fingers gently caressing her arms, meanwhile he breathed slowly to make her mimic the pace.

-… that was intense- much more intense than last time, with a freaking succubus.

-I want to say that it is because we love each other, but if I so much as try to be romantic you will knock all my teeth out- he mumbled sweetly, meanwhile he cradled her close and, still feeling boneless due to the mind shattering orgasm.

She giggled, blindly reaching out for him, to kiss him gently, meanwhile she tangled her fingers in his hair, swapping a bit of her taste with her.

-You can say “I love you”, I won’t punch you for that- she mumbled, on his lips feeling the laugh on it and there she opened her eyes, finding him looking at her enamored, meanwhile he whispered softly:

-I love you- and with his eyes completely azure for his honesty she couldn’t deny him the matching and heartfelt reply.

-I love you too- she kissed him again, feeling him against her thigh (which ruined a bit the mood, but… she had also accepted that with that relationship) still hard and she remembered what they were there for -… and I am ready-.

He kissed her for what felt ages, as if he wanted this to last forever.

And she honestly felt like the moment before it all happened was much more intense then the what followed, when Michael distanced himself from her, just a bit and she could still wrap her hands around him, to steady herself.

-… it might hurt a bit, so if you want to back out at any given moment, all you have to do is tell me- he caressed her thighs gently, and under his hands, goosebumps appeared, meanwhile she nodded slowly.

-I know it- she replied shyly, meanwhile kissing his cheek moving closer to his ear -… I trust you so much Michael-.

With other guys she had never felt ready, because she was scared that it might disappoint her, that it might tarnish her but worst of all she just felt like it might just not be that special, not worth the wait and after it was done, there would be nothing more.

But she lived for Michael, the sweet touches they shared, the laughs which erupted because of their dumb thoughts, and she knew that no matter what, this wasn’t the end… it was just a natural step, the most natural… and even if her and Michael ended up not being a thing… she wouldn’t have wanted to lose her virginity to anyone else.

-… I won’t betray it- he mumbled, meanwhile he gently kissed the back of her hand, tenderly nuzzling his nose against it -… you are the most precious thing that ever happened to me-.

-No silly words, remember? – she laughed shyly, but answered -… you are the best thing that happened to me-.

And with that… their paths was sealed and he kissed her one last time, meanwhile his hands checked her wetness, only enticed by their soft moment, before gently breaching her entrance with the smooth tip of him, and she immediately tensed, meanwhile Michael guided her through it.

-… calm down, sweetie, you need to relax- and didn’t do anything till she indeed relaxed, pushing with much more gentleness, meanwhile he caressed her head and kneaded her breast to distract  her which worked perfectly and he was able to push halfway in, touching her barrier.

Before proceeding, he took a last look at her face, no show of pain and no tension, just a relaxed and curious expression and before shredding her last inch of innocence he kissed her, feeling her bite his bottom lip to suppress the pain.

-Do I …? – he felt the need to stop, she knew it, no matter that his face was distorted in pleasure.

-Just give me a few minutes- she mumbled, meanwhile she tried her best to slowly adjust herself, to Michael’s length, scared by the fact that it wasn’t all in and it was already overwhelming her -… please don’t move-.

-All the time in the world- he replied, meanwhile he gently kissed her forehead.

Slowly, much more slowly than the actual time that passed, she started not feeling the pain anymore, stuck in a limbo of “not-yet-pleasure” but “neither-still-in-pain”, but all she had to wait was for Michael to slowly move and something was struck inside her, the thrill of a little excitement.

-Move- she mumbled, even going as far as to push a bit Michael with the legs that had wrapped themselves around him -… for the love of God-.

-Got it! – he giggled, but she felt the clearly aroused bit in it and he actually started moving, slowly and then as she encouraged him with moans and her nails pushing themselves in her skin faster, her eyes finding his, finding him under a strange spell, hers.

He started groaning with much more impatience and his manhood throbbed inside of her and she knew he was close, and although she was excited and not in pain, she was so far away from that state of true ecstasy.

Not for long, at least, because Michael decided to take the matters in his hand, quite literally: gently caressing her clit, meanwhile he gently moved her legs up his shoulder hitting her further inside her, a spot that made her gasp at its sudden finding, meanwhile his peace also increased.

-… you don’t understand how beautiful you look- he whispered in her ear and she just nodded; the intensity of the new sudden sensation made her feel teary.

-Please please… keep going- she quivered, under him, meanwhile her legs tried to find a better way to adjust themselves on his shoulder, her muscles aching a bit, meanwhile she met him for a kiss, before pushing one down on his chest -Don’t stop-.

-You are so close, I can feel you clenching around me- and she could feel him throbbing, his pace becoming more erratic -… that’s the best feeling in the world-.

-… even better than my mouth around it? - she didn’t know where the dirty talk came from and she could see the surprise from Michael, but her dignity was long gone.

-A thousand times better- he replied, smirking, meanwhile she finally felt so close…-… I am close-.

-I am close too- she repeated, meanwhile her nails sink themselves in him, and she felt herself let go, no preparations needed, totally lost in the moment, just feeling warmth in her, meanwhile he groaned deeply in her ears, bringing her back to reality.

He fell ungracefully on top of her and she groaned loudly, before breathing out a breathy laugh.

-… that was…- he tried to breath, completely out of breath.

-… say it with your words honey- she made fun of him, but gently cuddled closer, feeling like as if she wasn’t attached to him anymore as she was before, although he was still in her, soft but in her.

-… we are going to have a second round, if you still have the energy to joke around- he joked, kissing her forehead, lovingly; there wasn’t even a bit of bite in his tone.

-Oh, you love when I am smarter than you- she fought back, meanwhile he gently exited her, making her leave out a grunt of pain at being empty.

-I love you, in general- he giggled -… a bit less when you are a smartass-.

And then he got up, on his knees, to collect the covers to shield her body, finally self-consciousness appearing so she was grateful to hide under them, also because she was honestly feeling more and more sleepy, both for the emotional stress and the physical one.

Michael immediately moved closer laying a kiss before he gently whispered that he would be getting in the bathroom to collect a few things in order to clean up, which he did gently, meanwhile cooing at her, throwing the towels in the laundry chest, avoiding make her take a look at the blood on it, but she could see it on the mattress.

She didn’t regret it.

Because in the end they were together in this, she knew it when he cuddled closer to her, bringing them together again, sleep slowly taking over.

In the end…

… with a little loss of her innocence.

… with a little loss of his dignity.

… he finally had a little gain of her.

---

Little disclaimer: the relationship between Reader and Michael started as dub-con, so I just wanted you to know that I don’t support or condone in any way, in real life, dyb-con or non-con; consent is important, never forget about it!

I really hope you will like it, lovelies!

Let me know what you thought about it, with DMs or asks or hearts or reblogs, I honestly love hearing all your thoughts!

 @ccodyfern @so-langdon @sojournmichael @rocketgirl2410 @langdonsplaytoy @dyns33 @blakewaterxx @crispygiantsaladgarden @counterculture-aesthetic @ace-fiction @langdons-little-girl @hadeslittlewhore @justabadwitch @ahstatejameskai @soph3218 @uinen-ulmiel @mega-combusken @hplotrfan @kleineshaschen @langdonsinferno  @nightsblackroses @tcc-gizmachine @msfandomblog @grim-adventures58 @littlepsychos-world @sister-langdon @grungyfeministhoe

[nosferatyou]

I was tagged by @lazingonsunday and @shes-outta-sight to do one of the long tag, get to know them, type of things. Which I absolutely love by the way. I don’t talk about myself much.

What was the last thing you read?

Well I was editing the latest chapter of my fic of that counts? If not some random josh one shot a couple hours ago lol.

Favorite Movie?

Man it’s ever revolving. It was Django Unchained for a long ass time, but now I think it’s Baby Driver.

Favorite Book?

Misery by Stephen King. I read it years ago and I have a lot of good memories tied to it. Me and my friend became closer through his works and this was the first one I read. It’ll stay close in my heart.

Dream Date?

It’s one I’ve been on before but just Vinyl Shopping. It’s simple and easy but music in a relationship is important to me. I gotta make sure they have good picks. But there is something so soft about it all.

Do you have a crush?

Sadly no. But I’m fully in Joshes lane rn if that means anything?

What are your hobbies?

Oof okay. I mostly draw like all hours of the day. But I very actively keep up with guitar and bass. I write as well. I make videos for my friends. I collect old and beat up vinyls. Lot of art stuff

Favorite time of day?

Night time. Like from hours 10-3. That’s my true alone time and it’s something I cherish and look forward to everyday.

If you could look like anything, what would you like to look like?

I don’t wish to change anything about my body. I think I’d be silly to. But man I wish I could actually afford clothes I’d like to wear. Real bellbottoms you know? I want that vintage shit.

Are you romantic?

In a secure relationship yes. I show too much emotion too fast in the beginning. But boy oh boy when I get romantic. I get very touchy feely. Man date ideas. Lot of carefully curated playlists.

Favorite type of weather?

That time in like August/September when I can wear jeans and maybe a light jacket. But it’s still warm, you know?

What do you like talking about?

Music. I talk about it all day long. The foundation behind it. The artist. I could discuss guitars and instruments with people all damn day. I just. I love everything about it. But also GVF is my hyperfixation rn and my friend is ready to shoot my head off if I speak another word about Jakes guitar playing.

What are your turn ons?

Ngl I’m akin to a boy with long hair. It’s my vice. I’ve only dated long haired musicians. But I just want someone who radiates some kind of light you know? I’ve seen too much darkness. I want someone genuine and real. Is it too much to ask for a positive person?

What are your turn offs?

I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. Basically anything that’s negative. Ignorance mostly. I don’t want someone who refuses to learn. It’s stupid. I just want honesty and someone with an open mind. Anything else is a no go.

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

Okay so. I really want tattoos. I designed something about a year ago I want really badly but it’s so expensive. Thinking rationally. Right now I’d really like some line art of bust. Idk what tho.

Do you have any pets?

3! 2 dogs, Ruby and Nellie, both too six year old mutts. Nellie is the weirdest god damn dog I’ve ever had. And ruby is basically a fox dog. And then there is Friday my cat. He can be a bitch boy but he’s a sweet boy who’s just being a cat. (I also have ten plants but most people don’t consider them pets)

Dream Job?

I’m still searching for that. Recently my heads been floating towards playing live shows as a guitar or bass player. But I’m no where near the point of even considering. I’m pretty shitty. But how Cool would it be to play that violin bow with my guitar on stage?

Dream place to live?

Not considering any potential jobs. I just want to live in a big log cabin somewhere on the outskirts of a town. Out in the wilderness and free to just live.

Dream vacation?

I’ve never been to Europe. I’d love to just road trip around in a van honestly. But before that visit my great grandfather grave in Scotland. He was a kings hand and did a lot back in the day. I’d be cool to see. But then I’d fuck around in Europe.

Do you have any piercings?

I’ve got my nose and ears pierced. I’m pretty happy with that

If you had kids what would you name them?

Man I don’t even want to think about that.

What are your best traits?

I’m a great listener. I’m extremely compassionate. Will do anything to help friends. And I feel like my music taste isn’t half bad.

Worst traits?

The compassionate thing tends to bite me in the ass. I’ve got a lot of emotions. I also have 20 things I want to do all at once all the time. I loose sleep because of it. There is more but I’d go on too long.

Worst fear?

Weirdly enough any type of natural disaster. When I was way too young I watched “The Impossible” and then shortly after learned about techtonic plates and I never forgotten about it or where they are.

What do you want to eat right now?

Brownies. And a fucking burrito.

Best vacation you’ve been on?

I went on a road trip to Chicago recently and I just makes so many good memories. I saw ninja sex party’s 10th anniversary, which was fantastic. But I got to visit a friend all weekend. But my favorite part was the ride back. The whole time we just talked but also sang to old 50s songs and just had this moment of unity. I still think about it

Favorite City?

I haven’t been to too many places yet so I’m gonna go with my hometown, Nashville. If you look past all the tourists. It’s got a very rich musical history and in certain places you just feel it. I loved living there and it made me who I was.

Favorite social media platform?

Tumblr. It’s really the only one I ever check anymore. Plus I’ve made some great friends on here.

Favorite article of clothing?

My fucking bellbottoms. I wear them whenever I can. They give me so much confidence.

Do you play any sports?

Fuck no. I have no coordination whatsoever.

Favorite meal of the day?

Lunch. You have a lot more options. Plus I just like the vibe

What are you excited for?

Starting the tenth I have a lot of good things coming my way. In that week I get to finally end this semester, the new Harry styles album releases, I get a new bass, and I get to see fucking Greta Van Fleet. None of you know how excited I am for that. Pit tickets. Jesus it’ll be good.

Not excited for?

Finals. And an um.. upcoming funeral.

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can’t remeber and that really scares me.

Dream house?

I basically answered this earlier but gimme that big ass log cabin.

Something you hate about this world?

Don’t get my started. I hate that everyone hates themselves all the time when they have no reason to. I hate that 8 people have most of the worlds money and are doing nothing to help global warming. I hate the man that’s in power and what he’s helped cause. I hate everyone who refuses to accept literally any fact. I hate that my future is bleak because of some old ass white men.

Something you love about this world?

I love the light that radiates off of certain people. I love that our generation has hope and that some people are actually trying to make change. I love the raw creativity I see in others and I love that we are bringing back the resurgence of peace and love.

What scents do you like?

Old records and books. Its the simple pleasures.

What kind of sleeper are you?

Typically heavy but sometimes I Sleep so little it feels like I got nothing at all.

Cat or dog person?

Don’t make me pick! I grew up with both, and very partial to both.

How long would you survive in a zombie Apocolypse?

I wish I could tell you. I’d like to think I’d live awhile but I would probably be the ones who look like they have hope and then accidentally get taken out.

Are you trusting?

I used to be. I realized recently how thick my walls really are.

What fictional character do you identify with?

Sorry to be boring but nothing is coming to mind. But then again I never felt akin to anyone really?

What labels do you commonly get?

In high school I was called “the quiet one” if that tells you anything.

What song would be your life anthem?

Sunshine on my shoulders by John Denver is the only one coming to mind. I think I just want the feeling it gives me to be what I feel all the time.

What issues are you dealing with right now?

Two friends in the last month Um. Took their own lives. One being an old friend. I’ve never dealt with death. My brain doesn’t know how to handle it. I also think I might have ADD. But. That’s the tip of the iceberg rn

How can someone win you over?

Typically I’m drawn to people who are the loudest in the room. I like that their confident and can speak their minds but what wins me over about them is when they really open up. When I learn about the real then rather than the face that they put on. Most of the time it goes that way.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I’m making a short film with some friends who go to Columbia. Should be out soonish.

I tag

@pvre-mourning @peacelovekiszka @fretavangleet @aint-no-denying @sosozoso

[the-clear-feeling-blog]

Is this abuse? I know is long but I really need some help.(Not asking for anything monetary don’t worry).

I truly don’t know. Sometimes I really wanna go. I really wanna leave the house and start a new life, but, then other times I feel like I wouldn’t make it without her. Like I don’t deserve it or my life would be empty. Because I don’t hate her and she isn’t always bad so maybe I am exagerating? But I just really need to know.

Maybe many of you will find it weird that I didn’t post anything before this I made a new account because for some reason posting it from my main scares me. Idk why.

Excuse my english is not my first language.

Growing up I thought my mom was the best. She let me go out with my friends and invite them home. 

In exchange I had to be perfect. Perfect grades, perfect girl, always smile, always positive, always happy and obedient.

I remember that I grew up very quiet, ‘cause we weren’t allowed to say anything in response to her yellings, also shy and with cero skills to make friends and such a low self-esteem.

She would yell about anything, if we accidentally broked a glass, spill the water, fail a test. You see, we really didn’t do much because punishment for this things were physical, with a belt or such. We didn’t curse or raise our voices. Never. In no place.

I remeber she would say how grateful we should be because she gave us a house, food, clothes, I think, since I was like eight or seven, I never really thought it was her responsibility at some level.

It was weird when she will shows some love. She was a bad person. Now I see. I grew uncomfortable with physical contact even small and innocent touches.

She will always talk about how her life was the worst, how her mother was terrible, how lucky I was for having such an amazing mother.

She will pull our hair, yell for no reason, hit us at the slightest thing, if she was in a bad mood we’ll have to be quiet, because if we laugh or enjoy ourselves things wouldn’t be pretty.

Once she went as far to tell me I was so ugly.

A few time, I don’t even remember why she will let us outside the house and wouldn’t let us in.

One of this times was because I have asked for a toy for Christmas and my sister shoes, so how could I be so selfish to let our stepfather buy her no toy. I tried to explain her that she wanted that but she pull me for the arm and trew me outside. I cried for at least one hour. I should let you know that we didn’t have a patio or something it was just the entrance for a bunch of houses in a very ugly place. Now looking back I could have been abducted.

I remember feeling so so guilty when she finally switch to a good mood and let me in and play.

When she was angry, my sisters and I would lock ourselves in the room because we were terrified of her, she would hit things, yell curses and say how awful her life was. It was really scary, still is.

She call us ungrateful so many times when we accidentally broke something, some other times she will come to our room crying with a martyr expression telling us how selfish we are, how she is suffering, how she tries her best and we are just awful people who don’t appreciated.

She always told us that many parents wouldn’t let their childs dress however they liked, even when we wouldn’t wear anything significant just your regular shirt and pants. I thought she was right. I was so lucky.

She will always guilt trip us. We grew terrified of somethings that weren’t even important. Like a door smashed to hard, the principal door opening to fast or violently, people cursing under their breats, the groceries been put down to fast, the laundry been done to quietly, our names say it fully, a loud noise, a different tone of voice on our friends, a locked door, footsteps outside our door.

I would be the one who always apologize, because, she say and I quote she never apologizes.

When in school, luckily I was self sufficient, my sisters, however, needed a little help, she will not miss a chance to tell us how stupid we were, how useless, how we will ended up in the streets beggin for food, how she was so done with us. I will have to quietly sneak around to help them without her seeing me. Eventually they stop telling her that they have homework when it wasn’t extremely necessary.

She will threat us with leave, and some may saw it as a joke, but when you are an eight year old and you see that crazy look on your moms face you get a different feeling.

If we cried when she tell us how worthless we were, she, then, will continue to tell us how weak we were in that case. That we should stop crying, why will we cry for everything.

When we asked for things for school she will yell about how we saw her only as a bank and didn't respect her till we grew scare of asking for this things.

She would make me tell her everything and eventually I thought I was doing it because I trust her, and that many girls didn’t have that.

We weren’t allowed to be angry, because, there was nothing to be angry about WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL, if we were angry she will get angry, she never asked us why we felt that way just to stop right now or we’ll see.

She will always praise me for not having many friends and being completely unable to keep relationships because when they told me they love me I will be to terrified and had the need to run away. (Not only romantically). She will tell me how much I was like her. No friends and always hurting boys. I felt sick. (I do have one friend that has sticking with me since forever don’t worry).

Once I went to visit my grandmother from my father's side, one of the few places I feel safe in. I told her I wanted to stay there, I figured she will be happy about it, but she was furious and called everyone and even went on a six hour trip from our house to my grandmother's that same day.

She will have a laugh and be so proud of her being “dangerous” she will even call herself a psychopath and tell us; “Don’t do that one thing, remember I am crazy”. So of course, we were perfect.

I don’t wish for anyone to understand how sad is to lock the door because your mother on the other side is angry and you are terrified. When this happened we wouldn’t even go to the bathroom till we make sure she was in her room.

In school, when we for some reason tell her about how we struggle she will always tell us how easy it was for us, because in her times everything was really difficult and WE had it so easy.

I always liked to learn but that fade away. I always had to be first of the class, which made me be seen as an arrogant girl and I hated it when teacher praise, because the other kids will feel belittled by me. They never mistreated me. They were good kids. The thing is I wasn’t being the best for myself I was being force to be the best, which took away all my love for learning, because I knew what happened if I weren’t the best.

In fourth grade, I thought someone will pass me and be first of the class, I accidentally told her and she got really mad. When afterwards I tried to apologize and help her with something she pushed me away and told me to stip pretending to be a good daughter. I remember when the teacher told me I was first I was really happy because my mom wouldn’t hate me anymore and that I had win over her and afterwards feel gross when I remembered she was my best friend at the time and that I have never felt glad I was over someone else.

My stepfather at the time will joke about how he will buy us some hooks so we will hang ourselves to the wall till it was time to sleep because we weren’t allowed to do anything.

Growing up I thought beating children was an okay punishment, till one of my friends told me she has never been touch in that way and look at me half surprised half worried that I thought it was normal and it was for everyone. I recall thinking that was to weird that she wasn’t physically punished.

She humiliated us publically plenty of times.

We grew afraid of everything. I develop anxiety, and maladaptive daydreaming also “hypochondriac tendencies” and probably other things but I rather not saying since I haven’t gone to a therapist in a long time. You see, apparently, in a recent fight we had she told me she knew I need it a psychiatrist but she decided not to pay for one because medice will make me feel weird and she was worried about me.

After diagnosed never got medicine for anxiety or any other kind of help and going outside is just really painful.

My hypochondriac tendencies will make me think I was sick, I had a tumor, cancer, internal bleeding, I will go terrified to my mother and tell her that I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack and she later will make fun of this with my older brother, who didn’t seem to think it was a big deal.

Intrusive thoughts were there as well. Like I will go on a car and my brain will shout to open the door and jump and to some extent I was afraid I will do it, or I’ll have a glass plate on my hand and my brain will shout to drop it. I made the mistake to tell her this and she call me crazy, something that she will later denied she did. I felt awful and decided to suffer in silence and always smile like she wanted to.

She has called us ugly sometimes and now denies this. But we remember.

My friends think she’s amazing, when they come around she acts like the cool mom, super funny and chill. I haven’t got the guts to tell them the truth because I’m really ashamed.

She cool down a bit when I stopped letting her treat us that way, I started getting between the belt and my sisters, started to response when something was unfair to me or my sisters, when she insulted them, but sometimes I have to keep it quiet because I’m still afraid, those moments happen when I explode and get really angry.

She still mistreats us horribly. We still have to cry alone and console her when she cries.

My sisters and I learn to cry alone, to always smile, never argue and talking feelings is so hard and painful.

She always taught us to be cold. To show no emotion and praise me when I remain unbothered by the outside world but laugh at my sister when she cried because of something, “she’s so sensitive”, she said.

She, also, cheer herself for being so cold, bitchy, evil and for “hating people” and being so unique. She has a childish behavior and always take on us when her boyfriend breaks up with her, and I wish he runned away but I feel so happy when they get back together cause then she is in a good mood and even buys us things like popcorn.

In the last big fight we had, I told her EVERYTHING, she said that she had done her best and that she was sorry that I FELT that way, she told me that I had to let go of it and get my life together, that when I have children I will understand when I told her I didn’t want to have babies she told me I didn’t knew what life has on store for me. She went on to tell me how her life had been so hard, and how I should move on and that my issues weren’t her fault because I had always been a weird kid and my mental problems just development from childhood to my teens, she never said she was sorry, just keep saying me to MOVE ON and to leave if I thought that was the best for me. (I’m 17 and even when I have send and give away resumes for a job, since I’m a minor no one has hired me yet). So how could I live.

I told about my suicidal thoughts and she went on to tell that if I wanted to die just go on with it and do it.

At the end when I was winning the argument she started to cry and yell that she couldn’t breath. Afterwards I had to apologize to bring peace, as usual, and she told me that of course she loved us and didn’t wanted us death otherwise she would had already killed us.

I can’t even count the times that I had to console my sisters of crying to sleep and try it to lift them up and assure them they are loved, and I feel so sad because they are only ten and fourteen and I don’t think they should be so low.

We have self-esteem issues, trust issues, we can’t express emotions in a healthy way, because we feel ashamed of having them or like is gonna bother people among other things.

Idk how many people will read this but honestly one or two opinions will be just perfect.

What do you guys think?

[zeynepbal]

Rice Smell

I still am sick, in a really bad condition; not getting better but I need to until tomorrow, at least a bit. So staying at home; with a huge hope.

I wasnt able to read a single page yesterday, wondering if I can today.. Hope I can today.. Seems like I can make my mind to write today at least..

I wanted to write this yesterday but had no strength to make up my mind to make proper sentences - even in Turkish.. thus now; I ll leave something here about yesterday..

At some point, yesterday, early in the morning, I felt like I needed to eat sth to drink pills to support my body against the cold I caught and the infection. And as a turkish what I wanted to eat was rice soup with yogurt.. It s the basic stuff, at least in my small family, prepared when some one is sick.. thus I put some rice into ricecooker with huge amount of water and left home to buy yogurt. Since I was pretty sure the half oack of yogurt wouldnt be enough for me..

While going for shopping there s a cleaning center placed in a narrow street which makes the whole place smell like a cozy sunday in a very past days of my life. I tried to smell it via passing by but wasnt that successful because of my mucus fullfilled sinuses.. either I was abit or I just believed that I could, I smelt a tiny amount of an old sunday tho... That directly took me questioning why altho I didnt like that smell thru out my life, now it feels so cozy in heart to feel it... then I though where I wanna be is just next to my family. Because I missed them a lot, I just am longing for anything that reminds me the days that I were with them..

And I entered into the shopping street with these thoughts where I saw that the markets were going to open at 10 and it was 9.48 yet.. I kept on thinking the talk that we made 2 days before yesterday with Y. in the car while trying to go to the christmas party place. We were speaking about the charms and amulets and she was telling me a jinja in nanba; where people can get some protection stuff against bad luck.. And I was like “well I need sth like that..It seems so” then she told me about a belief in japan, that at 30s there s an age for women which is known as “bad luck” age..and I told her it should be 34 for me already, since the only good thing happened this year was the award we took, but nothing more... she smiled and told me she gonna check it..

Yesterday when I remembered that talk I remebered also we forgot to check it... Then I thought, I actually dont believe that a certain age can be a bad luck age for every person etc but I do am kind a superstitious person in a different way. I do believe that there are some certain stuff that can protect us from bad luck or danger since they have some connection with the people that loves us.. or if a person has some kind of special connection with an animal for example the image of that animal can protect that person... or I sometimes believe some kind of stones may have good energy effects on people etc...

So I started thinking about I wasnt wearing my owl necklace for a week which is kind an amulet for me for years... At that point I saw a clinic named as “owl plastic surgery clinic” and smiled.. I remember the reason behind why my family searched so hard to find a necklace of owl in whole ankara, Turkey, years ago. - altho turkish people think that owl is the representative of wisdom as an animal, we dont have mant stuff in shape of an owl- . When my mom and dad one day appeared with an owl necklace as a valentines day present for me, I remember their explanation. To them I till childhood was a child who had a different point of view from other people and this was also whT they always heard from my senseis as an admiration. Altho I always am so emotional as a 10 year old child, when people start talking me about some politics history etc I remember their telling me that I am more than my age but this more is 30 years more almost... So No matter how I seemed with my not growing old heart and not mature enough emotional world, I was always the person whom can find many people around that are ready to be led by. Even some of my friends were telling me that I seemed like a puppy or as a spoiled baby cat normally but when I started speaking I turned out to be an 🦉 owl... thus they told me -my pa and ma- that they put an effort to find that necklace...

After that day, (may be after a year) I found myself in Tsukuba Japan, for 2.5 months, a city which has the symbol of owls.. :) and that 2.5 months were one of the most important phase of my life which tumbled all my plans down and made me chang everything in my long term plans.. and I decided to came to japan...

Well.. yesterday while I was walking back home via thinking of these stuff I decided I need an amulet again, to protect myself from bad luck but it also needs to be something special so I cannot basicly go and buy somestuff without any meaning in it..

I came back home, I opened the door and what I smelled was a boiling rice.. that took me to my childhood.. the smell of boiling rice may be one of the things that I love in this world more than anything since my childhood. I took a deep breath that took me to a moment that I was opening the lid of the pan to steal some boiled rice while my father was questioning me via telling me he didnt understand me why I did like boiled rice without anything on it - neither yogurt nor oil or salt... Yes I did know that not only to my family but to most of the turkish people it was a really strange habit. But it was something I was feeling extremely happy while eating it: pure rice.

Those white grains and that smell...

Then I remembered that when I asked my family two days ago why they didnt send me any letters but a huge pack full of stuff... I didnt need any of them but a letter was okay.. and they asked me if I checked the okashi box... they told me no letter but a small note... so I suddenly opened the okashi(snacks) bag and searched for the note and found it and pulled it, that came with a small box... When I opened the box I found 2 earrings one of them is in the shape of an owl... started crying...

Sometimes life is so quick to answer you and sometimes what you want is just at the next door or in front of you but you just are not aware of it, altho you are living with it for days in the same room.

I felt like I need no more special amulets that I need to buy for myself and now it s time for me to wait life to bring that kind of stuff.. and that owl ear rings like the other stuff that were given me by the people love me already are amulets in my life however those owl earrings are kind of a message for me - that what I understood is that I will keep for myself -

Love you mom and dad

Love you a lot

[persephone-of-the-pomegranate]

Separate the art from the artist ffs

If you're going to preach this kind of stuff then you need to look into every aspect of your consumption.

Look into consumer fetishism and only buy things knowing where they are sourced, this means no more cool shirts, jeans and underwear that were made in a Bangladeshi sweat shop that violates human rights so bad they'd sooner lock all emergency exists to prevent people from leaving in the event of a fire letting them burn to death or jump to their deaths, no more Brazilan dark roasted coffee or central American bananas, no more enjoying kpop because of those slave contracts they push on the performers, or movies with now convicted fellons no matter how many academy awards they have won, oh the music director of a new movie has a rape allegation? don't watch it out of principle. H.P. Lovecraft? His works are now irrelevant because of the name he gave his cat, you can't enjoy them anymore.

Practice what you preach or don't preach it at all. Just some thoughts on the topic, if you can't seperate the the art from the artist then you'll find yourself unable to enjoy things you might actually love, you limit yourself on what you can consume taking away any positive emotions you feel for something that actually makes you FEEL because oh they did a bad thing.

Anyone and everyone can be cancelled even you, remeber that, everyone has skeletons in their closet and if we use that logic in conjunction to interactions with things consumer facing or not then even the idea of working in retail or in fast food to make ends meet shouldn't even be so revolting and gut wrenching in your mind you will never do it because you will be interacting with people, so many people the chance that the person you just talked to, made you laugh, smiled at and told to have a great day, that preson might be a convicted pedophile, that old person who acted reasonable, the one who made you think "they were so cute and nice I wish I seen more like them" could have beat their children so bad they never had a chance at a normal life. Statistically speaking exposing yourself to that many people regularly means you will run into them and not even know it, not for a second.

That last bit is extreme (as shit) and considering this platform will probably offend but that is how I illustrate my point, either everything is okay or nothing is, none of this in between hypocritical bullshit people carry out their lives with. It's like supporting PETA and owning a cat, it just doesn't really make much sense.

Disclaimer: This blog is dedicated to playing devils advocate so whether it is actually my opinion or not I am leaving this post to be criticised just like everyone else has, the ones stating thier opinions, I am not attacking any one person not do I plan on doing so (except Lovecraft, fuck that guy and his works), just making a moot point towards some of the attitudes that seem to be included in the posts replies. I didn't come for an argument I just want to give some extreme food for thought.

quick reminder that blizzard straight up attempted to censor and punish someone for raising awareness about the insane human rights violations currently going on in Hong Kong and you should not give them a fucking penny

i don't care how much you love diablo, wow or overwatch, they want you to forget about the blitzchung incident

for the love of god hold them accountable for what they did

fuck blizzard.

[monasatlantis]

Digimon Tri - My review of the the first 4 movies

Be warned, I use mostly the german names here... because I am so damn used to them XD

First of all lets talk about which Episode I found was the best... and which one was the worst.

The best episode for me, was definitely the third one. I loved the emotions, the actions, the music was on point and there were almost no unnecessary filler scenes. The only thing you could complain about is, that I can hardly remeber Izzy in that one, despite the fact that it was suppose to be centered around him too. But besides what happened in the final fight, the only thing I can remember ist my poor boy Takeru crying his eyes out, because he realized he is going to lose Patamon once more, this time most likely for good. I loved the moment when all the Digimon did spend their last hours with their partners. I also liked it that we were fooled to believe that the memories of the Digimon could be saved. It was a nice plottwist that it didn’t work. The worst episode for me so far was episode 2. I laughed a lot in this hilarious onsen-scene were Kari got saved from T.k. of all people and Sora ended up infront of the door to the Sauna in which Tai and Matt of all people were in and were just getting out just at the right moment. I really loved that scene, but this whole onsen-scene had no other purpose than fun and fanservice. It was an overly long and unnecessary filler for that episode. Next comes, I personally don’t care for Mimi and Joe that much. And I find some or their character traits extremely annoying. So watching them doing the stuff I dislike about them the most is just really... interesting... at all. Plus, I have nothing against Meiko, but she is a stranger and new to the team and she got a lot of screentime in this episode... which made it even more annoying, because it was the worst mix of characters to have the focus that they could make. At least for me personally. The first episode was a nice starter. You got to get invited to figure out were our characters are right now, what they are doing, their relationships with each other and how they handle their life at the moment. All in all it was a nice introduction to the new season. But I found it was not exactly an episode that I would love. And it centered a bit too much on Tai. Yes, he was and is the star of the Digimon Adventure team, but it still felt like too much Tai to me and it is not like I dislike him, so that is not the problem. When it comes to the 4 and for now last episode I feel a bit... uhm... biased, because I have a certain problem with Tai, Matt and Sora as a trio for reasons only the shipper will understand. But I talk about them later. The point is, the episode centered around them, so it was pretty hard to stay unbiased. But I did like the nostalgie that came with that episode. Being back in the digiworld and all. What I disliked tho, was the fact that Biomons behavior seemed out of character. In the first season, Biomon was unnerving as hell, following Sora around, annoying even the woman with the crest of love and this time Biomon runs away from her? Doesn't seem right to me.

Now lets talk about the overall plot so far and what you think about the characters, now that they are older once more...

I actually feel a bit weird about the plot and some of the characters in a way. Don’t get me wrong, the plot as it is is not bad and all... and I do love and hate the characters as much as I did all those years ago, but some things are not right for me. I actually am not even sure if we can consider Tri canon with some of those things that bug me. Lets talk about our 4 Heroes from season 02 first. I was never a huge fan of them, really. I only liked the second season for Hikari and Takeru and the cameos of the other characters from  the first season. BUT how they treat them here is absolutely stupid and not acceptable in any way. I do understand why they wanted them out of the way, since this season was suppose to be about the characters from season one, but there had to be another, a better way, to get the 02 kids out of the way. The way they did it in the movies was very cheap. First of all, Takeru and Hikari belonged to the 02 Team. They were not just an addition or more experienced Digidestined which helped them find their way into the world, they were part of the team. What happend to the oh so over the top promoted friendship between Kari and Yolei or T.k. and Cody? What happened to that deep connection between them that helped their Digimon to evolve together? They are missing right now in the movies, but they didn’t even realize that something was off until they saw the “Emperor” and even after that, they were easily convinced that everything is alright. Kari and Davis have always been good friends, why didn’t she call him to ask were his best friend Ken went or if something unusual happened to him? And why aren’t they around anymore? Like... they were all in the same school. And Davis was in Hikaris and Takerus class... why is he not even on the same school? Because if he would be, they surely would wonder why he doesn’t come to school anymore. (I just realized how good it is that hardly any shipper ship Kari and Davis, because for them, this season must be the biggest disappointment ever...) No one really deeply seems to care. And I also found Takerus reaction when the saw the “emperor” a little odd. He was a bit like “Oh no, it is that asshole again”, acting like Ken never was part of their team. This feels so not right. And I dislike it and understand every fan that complains. They have every right to. Next... Takeru is popular among girls, which is no big deal, he is cute and all, but how he acts about that seems so out of character to me. I never saw him being the boy who enjoys being popular among girls and also it seems so unlike Takeru to be so flirty and stuff, seeing how he interacted with Meiko when she showed up and his reaction when the concert got cancelled. The way Hikari teases him says it all, it seems like he toys around with girls, never beeing serious. That is not my baby boy T.k. and I refuse to believe he would EVER become like that. There is once more the Trio that gives me a headache, but I will write about that in the next post. Something that bugs me a bit too, his how Meiko was so easily accepted into the team. I mean, she gets invited to go with them to take a hot bath on what felt like the next day, while no one bother about the 02 kids. I honestly thing its the writers own fault that she gets so much hate, when you look at it. Other then that, most of the plot and the way the characters became are okay. I actually thought that Kari had made quite the progress, but seeing how she got stuck with Tai the whole 4. episode it felt like I was wrong. I do think, although it was annoying, that Tai fearing that his actions might hurt or even kill someone only shows that he is more mature and thinks more about his actions and the consequences that follow. I also like that we get to know more about the very first Digi-destined. Like... finally. We never knew much about them. We just got bits and pieces here and there. And now we might finally found out the entire truth. That is really nice.

Now lets talk about ships and how important it is to watch the movies yourself to understand what really is going on between the ships.

I have been in the digimon tri tag before a few times, keeping myself at least a little up to date, while I was pondering if I will watch the movies or not. And I can teller you that some things were not how the people wrote they were. Lets start with Takari. This is most likely the most popular ship from Digimon seasons one and two. There is hardly anyone else to ship those two with, because of how they already seemed meant to be in the first season, where they were barely 8 years old. Because of the things they have been through in the first season, their bond was extremely close in 02 and even Davis could not really get between them. Now in tri, they are basically always together. Walk side by side, talk to each other, tease each other, support and protect each other. Now I can tell you, as one who ships them too, that in tri, you get good shipping material and shipper are fussing about that since their first scene together ind the first movie. But watching it with a clear head (which I usually try to do), you come across the fact that some things were not as people make them look like. First of all... Karis oh so bad jealousy. Despite the teasing, Kari actually doesn’t really seems jealous at all... not even annoyed. She rather seems amused most of the time. Of course it is a thing of interpretation. But the only thing that hinted for me that Kari was jealous when Takeru told her he would go with another girl to Matts concert, was when she stopped walking for a moment. But the way she reacted was otherwise extremely calm and didn’t show any sign of jealousy. Takeru, on the other hand, pretty much seemed like he WANTED her to be jealous. Of course in the end, you can see that as a stupid game they play. He tries to make her jealous and she know that this is what he wants, so she pretends not to, with that dancing around the real subject behind it: Their feelings for each other. Or... Kari just knows that Takeru is not serious with any of the girls, given the attention she gets from him, it seems hard to believe that she really has a reason to be jealous and so she doesn’t mind. Or, she actually really doesn’t care about Takerus lovelife. It is a possibility. Someone pointed out, that from the very beginning, Takeru had a strong will to protect Hikari, going as far as to lose it in the episode with the black ocean, when she is only talking about her dearly beloved brother Tai, despite the fact that Takeru did care a lot for her too and wasn’t exactly hiding it. The point of that person was that, yes, Takeru protects and support Hikari a lot and often, but that is what he always did. And maybe he really just does it as a good friend, teammate and someone she shared a special bond with, do to what they have been through together and with their beloved Digimon... and annoying big brothers XD All logic aside, since I do ship them, I really enjoyed the many moments were they stood and walked next to each other, teased each other and supported and protected each other. They are hope and light and thus, for me personally, they belong together, always have, always will. And Karis lack of jealousy? Lets go with the “she knows better then to honestly be worried that any other girl could take her place“ because as we saw multiple times in tri, in the end, she is the number one priority right after Matt and Patamon. So why worry? *takes a deep breath* Now to the Trio... Tai, Sora and Matt. I don’t want to go to deep into this, because it really hurts, but let me tell you that I find it offending for both the Taiora and the Sorato fans how they treat them in tri. Digimon 02 made it canon that Sora and Matt were a thing, despite everything that happened between Sora and Tai in the first season and the fucking very first Digimon movie, Tai was shown to be fine with it. Well great. The Sorato fans won and the Taiora fans had to learn to live with it. Or write fanfiction... but you get what I mean. Things were clear. There was no question. We even got confirmation that Sora and Matt got married in the end (fuck this epilogue, really...), so tell me why, why on earth do they have to put a questionmark on those two ships again? Why are they unable to just confirm the one ship that was suppose to be canon for good or for worse, but instead show those 3 always together as a trio? I can not even tell you, how much I hated the 4. tri movie, because of what happened there. Because they made Sorato look like a fucking joke. Matt needed Tai to deal with the woman who is suppose to be his girlfriend and basically, Matt did almost nothing for Sora at all in that episode. When they got attacked the first time, who was it who was holding out his arm protectively infront of Sora? Tai. Who pushed her to the ground to protect her the second time they got attacked? Oh, look, it was Tai? Who was it who said Soras name in worry when the distortion showed that she was in danger? Tai. After Matt and Tai saved her from the following attack, who was the one who genuinely worried asked Sora if she was okay? Look, it was Tai, once again. Matt totally failed in his job to prove that he is Soras boyfriend and deserves to be her boyfriend in this episode. Honestly, every person who did not know that Matt and Sora are suppose to be a canon couple, would have though that Tai is the boyfriend or at least that Taiora is the ship with high chances of becoming canon. Not just because of that, there were other scenes in the other movies too. I know that this is suppose to be fanservice. But I hat it. If you make the choice to make a ship canon, then you have to stand behind it, no matter what. That is it from me about the first 4 episodes. Only 2 left.

[vampgloss]

1-101 answers for that sweet anon

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? Well, a lot of things have me confused right now. But most of them are extremely personal and I am trying to cut back when it comes to posting super personal things online.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? From time to time. But people are busy, so I’m not upset if I don’t.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Hell no. I’ve smoked before, sooooo.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? No. Due to past relationships and the things that happened, I find it difficult to trust others at first.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? I think I was doing homework.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? Probably Ven (my best friend).

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Well, because I have been I will answer with what I did. I cried my heart out. That lasted days.

8: Are you close with your dad? No. I don’t even know my father’s name.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? Wrong. Very wrong.

10: What are you listening to? Angel by Shaggy.

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Arizona green tea with honey and ginseng.

12: Do you like hickeys? Fuck. Yes. Gimme.

13: What time do you go to bed? Depends on what I’ve got going on the next day + what’s on my mind before bed.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? Yes. We don’t talk anymore.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? No. I almost always drop my phone when I try.

16: Do you always answer your texts? Yes and no. Sometimes I don’t answer right away.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? No. Not one bit. She’s still my lovebug.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Today. Like a few hours ago.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Two. Ven and Kaitlynn.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Honestly I have a bad memory. So no clue.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Yep. My uncle and my cousin.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Of course. Karma is very real.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? Yes and no.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? That’s what we’re doing now.

25: In the past week, have you cried? I am a very emotional person. I cry when I’m happy, sad, angry - you name it and I’d probably cry about it.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Blue.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Thank God. Hell I rarely get called my first name. It’s usually a nickname.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? Not that I know of.

29: Do you have a best friend? YES> Several. My bestest friends are (in no particular order) Ven, JJ, and Glenda.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? No. Go ahead and kiss that asshole. XD

31: Who was your last call/text message from? My boo thang Glenda.

32: Are you mad at anyone? Shockingly no.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Most of my exes are older than me.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 21.

35: How many more days until your birthday? 13 and counting down.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Pride is today (06/24/17) and I’m going to the art muesum + Olive Garden for my birthday.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Ven is my bestest friend.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? No. I try to tell them everything. But sometimes I do forget and end up telling them days after I’d originally planned to.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yes.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Never. Even if we’re no longer on good terms, I don’t regret things like kisses/sex/relationships/etc.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? Sometimes. A few year age gap is okay. But, personally for me, I can’t date someone who’s too much older/younger than me. I definitely won’t date anyone under 18.

42: Are you available? Yes and no. While I am single, I only want my lovebug.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? 1.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? I’ve had multiple piercings. So hell yeah dude!

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Sometimes. It all depends on the situation.

46: Do you regret anything? I try not to let myself regret too many things.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Me. How I’m feeling. Just thinking about bettering myself.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? Yes. We’d been friends since 3rd/4th grade. We suddenly stopped talking a year or two ago.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? Nah. I knew what I was doing. Would I kiss them again? No.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? I am.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? Yep.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Nope nope nope noooooooope.

53: What was the last thing you ate? Bread sticks I put cheese and salami in lmao.

54: Did you get any compliments today? Yep. And those people are total sweeties.

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Idk. Don’t really have a vacay planned rn.

56: Do you own anything from other countries? Maybe? Honestly I have so much crap in my room, I don’t remeber when or where I got it.

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Girls.

58: Where have you lived most of your life? In Ohio. I’ve switched cities so often, none of them would count. So I’ll just say Ohio.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? The other day. Drove with my aunt for a few hours.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? Yeeeeep. I mean c'mon, it’s a stupid “middle school right of passage”!

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? Nope. Shockingly, I was a fairly good kid.

62: Who do you text the most? Uhhhh it’s a toss up between Ven, Glenda, and Kaitlynn.

63: What was the last movie you saw? White Chicks I think.

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? I do not have a girlfriend at the moment.

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? I didn’t have my first girlfriend until 2012. Sooooo 0.

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? Nope. Older.

67: Do you curse around your parents? My mom finds it amusing.

68: Are you happy with where you live? Honestly? Yes.

69: Picture of yourself? I’ll post it seperatly.

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? Very monogamous.

71: Have you ever been dumped? Who hasn’t?

72: What do you most like about making out? OMG EVERYTHING. Her hands on my waiste, or in my hair. The feel of her lips or maybe even the soft and hesitant brush of her tongue against mine!! OH MY LOOOORD.

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Yep.

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? Well it depends. Sometimes I grow some balls and initiate things. Other times I’m too shy.. XD

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Eyes. A girl with pretty eyes can steal my heart in seconds.

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? I think Glenda maybe???

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? Nope. I can’t do that.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? Again nope. Kinda prefer knowing a girl’s name before I go down on her lol.

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? Hugging her, Ed Sheeran, sappy love notes, art, recieving cute and thoughtful gifts.

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? It all depends on how I feel about them.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Several times actually.

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Sometimes.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? No.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone? In her apartment in January. I put on the playlist I’d made for her, wrapped my arms around her waiste and just danced. She giggled and told me I was silly, but she danced along.

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? By never met I assume you mean like an LDR. Yes. Many times.

86: How can I win your heart? Be honest with me, tell me how you’re feeling. Send me things you saw on Tumblr that made you think of me. Make me chili spaghetti (my favorite). Cuddle me while we watch my favorite movies (Clueless, Legally Blonde 1 & 2, Perks of Being A Wallflower)

87: What is your astrological sign? I am a Cancer.

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping??? I think????

89: Do you cook? Occasionally. I like trying new recipes.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? Yes. A few times.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Yes and no. I want her, but I also want to take it slow. No rushing. We’ll go as slow as turtles.

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? The latter. I fall quick sometimes, and I prefer a serious relationship over dating and not being “tied down”.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? DIrty blonde hair, blue eyes, a lovely smile. I prefer girls who are taller. Which isn’t too hard since I’m 5'1. Uhhh other than that I don’t care.

94: Name four things that you wish you had! Chili spaghetti, Kaitlynn, tickets to see Ed Sheeran, and a French Bulldog.

95: Are you a player? I don’t think so. I am very monogamous.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? I once played truth or dare with two of my friends in 4th grade, and got dared to kiss both of them. Does that count?

97: Are you a tease? During sex or flirting? Either way the answer is yes.

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Yep. We don’t talk anymore.

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Only twice.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Kaitlynn. 100000x over.

101: Hugs or Kisses? Can I just have both??

There ya go anon!