#i am dying for some feedback - if there are any blogs who wanna share this and talk to me about it please do

[crownedwille]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Young Royals (TV 2021) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Underage Relationships: Simon Eriksson/Wilhelm, Simon Eriksson/Marcus Characters: Simon Eriksson, Wilhelm (Young Royals), Marcus (Young Royals), other characters make appearances but don't have super important roles that's why i don't tag them Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post Season 1, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Simon Eriksson, Alpha Wilhelm, Simon-centric, an alternative season 2 take, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Angst, Plot With Porn, Size Difference, questionable sex, as in they both want it but the circumstances are questionable, Simon sure is making some decisions, if they are good ones is debatable, same goes for Wille, my first time writing omegaverse and i honestly never thought i would, it still is a mostly normal modern world, overuse of italics and brackets, how to be in a healthy equal relationship when your instincts are telling you the complete opposite, they're working on it, No mpreg Summary:

After christmas when school starts again, Simon has to face Wilhelm again but in that time something has changed: Wilhelm has presented as an alpha. For Simon, who is not a fan of being an omega and suppresses his biological instincts, it's just more reason to not get back together. But the two of them are drawn to each other and it's hard to keep ignoring what you want. Is it possible for them to find a way to be together without archaic rules and dynamics to get in between them?

[guardians-of-exo]

Blog Update

Okay so, I have an announcement that I have been thinking about for a while. I'm gonna go over it quickly first, and then add a read more to cover the more detailed things I wanna get into.

I am currently working on a song fic series for EXO, with 9 short fics each based on an EXO song that I felt like tells a story. I have decided that this series will be my last. After that series is over, I will no longer post fanfiction either here or on AO3.

Likewise, I will no longer be posting "regular" content (like my content was regular before...) of any kind other than just becoming an EXO reblog blog. I will probably do moodboards and stuff for their birthdays, and I might post something if inspiration kicks me in the face, but otherwise, I won't force myself to make anything.

My drama content will be moved to my new sideblog that I have worked on the past couple of days to set up so that it has all the old stuff as well. I felt like it clogged up too much on my main, and probably bothered some of my non-drama-watching moots.

I have been thinking about this for a while, and think it is finally time to just become a regular fan. Thank you for all the support on my content, I love you all ❤️

So yeah... as mentioned, I will no longer be creating for this blog. For most of you, this probably doesn't come as a shock, as I haven't been posting regularly since forever really.

There are several factors that have led me to making this decision. Mostly, it's just because my motivation is nonexistent. Tumblr is dying, my dash is drying up, and reblogging is a thing of the past. A lot bigger blogs than me are struggling and some are even packing up and leaving as well.

Also, I have noticed during this year that a lot of people come to my blog and absolutely mass like every single thing on my blog - which isn't really a new thing, some blogs (for some weird reason) just never reblogs anything at all. But especially these past couple of months, these blogs have been blogs that does reblog other fics. But never mine. My stuff is not worth more than a like, apparently. And while I know I do have support (you know who you guys are, and I LOVE YOU), seeing my stuff never going anywhere really... well. Sucks.

I know I'm no *insert famous writer here*, so I can't really complain or expect all that much, but that's just how I feel. Even before, when I did get requests - the anons that asked for stuff? Never came back to tell me they liked it. Even blogs that did show their name barely gave any feedback.

So, I give up. I'm not having fun anymore and creating feels like a chore. This last series, I do feel really good about, but I know I'll be disappointed when literally no one is going to care. I have started measuring my self-worth in numbers on a screen, and that needs to stop.

I will still be here, loving EXO and kpop as I have been since I created this blog way back in 2017, but I will no longer be a creator.

Thank you all for allowing me to have a chance to share my creations with our community, I have genuinely loved my time doing it ❤️.

[bpd-black]

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤