#i am dude enough for them to feel comfortable approaching me for advice and respecting the advice i give

[theknightlywolfe]

It's a concept that seems to have been lost: men who go out into the world and talk to women about something that isn't themselves or women, get women.

A buddy of mine went out into the world and met women but never got anywhere with them because the only thing he ever talked about was himself. He lost his temper once and ranted for three days because at a con we all watched a early 20s scrawny, pimply, barely 5', stereotypical nerdy looking dude with the worst cosplay sense ever seen get a cute girl he met at con to bed him night one and then she owned putting out for this dude and hung out with him for the rest of the con. All us women kept saying "he must have a great sense of humor/personality" half jokingly, but half seriously. Dude must have had a winner right out of the gate to catch and keep attention. He was the complete opposite of what Incels think a women wants on a physical level but he was successful where my not stereotypically physically appealing but not off-putting buddy who couldn't even get a date kept failing. Luckily for my buddy he had a hobby that has a lot of women of all ages in it and he eventually developed enough skills in it to talk about the hobby. And then older, mother figure women, were able to teach him to not talk about himself and talk about the hobby. Once he started talking about interesting things he got women to go on dates with him and now he is married.

So yeah, go touch grass, join an activity outside of your house, attend it regularly, and when you are interested in a woman you meet at the hobby, talk about the hobby. Don't talk about you, or her, or women (or a specific woman not her), talk about the hobby. It is a guaranteed in to keep her interest long enough to have a proper conversation.

Stop worrying about what you are (a man, because so is half the population) and start developing who you are. Because who is always more interesting than what.

[davekat-sucks]

as someone who doesn't like Eridan I am curious as to why he is your favorite character.

Part of it is his design that really stands out from most of the other characters. Eridan is quite more fashionable than Kanaya. He at least show more emphasis on him being the respective violetblood he takes pride in, while also wearing blue, another color that is related to highblood status. As well as blue being part of a violet shade. Though if you try to tell him vviolets are blue, he will damn correct you that vviolets are vviolets. Learn your damn colors! Another is a bit of his personality. He is a douche, a tool. A violetblood who takes advantage of being high privileged and will put others down beneath him, because the hemospectrum says so. He is more racist than Equius. He is the perfect example of what a troll should be and how trolls should act. Too many fantroll OCs go for the more revolutionary against Alternia or being the "nicer" troll. But no one tries to be racist to lowbloods like a rustblood or bronze. No highblood fans themselves with their money or seen to enjoy living a luxurious lifestyle. He is the OG real deal of what it is like if someone is born under Her Imperious Condescesion's ruling. The only thing that he does have a fear that even he cannot escape as a highblood, was the pailing. Basically, he needs to fuck with someone or he dies, because Eridan did not contribute to help repopulate his race. It's already bad enough sea dwellers are rare to come by and his quadrants are empty as hell. Despite being the rich kid, Eridan craves for attention, whether be red romance or black hatred. Any one of those would be able to please him, if it meant it could comfort his ease of loneliness. The way he approaches could be seen as creepy, but at least Eridan is honest about his feelings. He doesn't dance around or lie hard to those close to him. It's that same advice of being direct that he tells to Kanaya, because she will not get Vriska's attention that way. It's also why he can't kill land dwellers. He wants to have good relationships with them. It's that same relationship that shows he his a hypocrite. The dude rants about being a sea dweller and wanting to kill all land dwellers. But he never acts on it. He only commissions people to build doomsday devices, but never makes one himself. Eridan spends most of his time on land than at sea, as Feferi points out. He has an interests in wizards, but doesn't believe in magic. That's a bit of parallel of Rose's interest to write yaoi wizard fics, but she dislikes wizards themselves because of her mother's encouragement of her hobby (though Rose was over analyzing her intentions, she did not realize Mom Lalonde did care about her well being despite Sburb going to happen). The man collects various weapons, but his main strife specibus is his rifle. We don't actually know if he uses the harpoons, spears, or other weapons he has collected in his hive. It could relate to Eridan's interest in military history and wanting to be like said general figures and dictators. But we rarely see him gather some army or actually trying to lead like one. He is all glub and no bite. It's sort of interesting that he is flawed. And of course, we cannot address about his actions in Murderstuck. You can sort of sympathize with him in some way. He lost his moirail, he has no other friends left, his home planet is destroyed, and this big bad Jack Noir is going to kill them. With Alternia gone, anything like hemospectrum or highblood lowblood status, don't mean SHIT if they have to abandon it. That means, Eridan has nothing left on himself. All of this happened as he was still a TEENAGER. The poor fish was feeling hopeless and his actions were caused by his own emotions. It's different from Gamzee, who can be seen controlled by Caliborn/Lord English or was willing to follow to help for his cause. Different from Vriska, as she wants to be seen as the big hero by raising the stakes even higher than before. I sort of wished that he could have faced Gamzee in some way during that x3 showdown combo, since their aspects are complementary towards each other. It would also be

fitting he gets revenge for Dualscar's death, by killing the descendant of the Grand Highblood. He and Vriska could have worked together one last time against the clown. Part of me also jokingly thinks Eridan would try to convince Vriska to take him to Jack in order to serve him. It's sort of a question of how exactly Eridan would get Jack Noir's attention. It is never explained how, even when Feferi and Sollux agreed they have to stop him. Would he fire his wwand to make a signal beam to get Jack to fly over? Would he asks Vriska to deliver himself to the man? No one knows, but either way, his surrender out of fear could be seen as dumb and cowardly. Sucks that he got killed by end of Act 5. But probably for the best he stayed dead, so that his character wasn't ruined from Act 6 to Pesterquest. His character not doing much as a sprite was one of the worst offenses. He really could have helped Jake about his Hope powers, but every dead troll there was shafted aside. At least let FEFPETASPRITE TALK. Don't use her as a joke, just because Hussie doesn't want to do Feferi and Nepeta's quirk in one chatlog! Then there's the half assed "redemption" joke bit from Epilogues and the ridiculous gender arc by retconning Eridan's backstory and forgetting about another character's relation with his lusus. Because WhatPumpkin don't want him to be a racist, rich creep asshole. And yet, it's why I love him. Eridan is one flawed, tragic villain. Maybe I just have a weird interests in douchebags who try so hard to be liked or acknowledged of being superior by putting others down to push their own pride, but with the way that has been set for Eridan, sort of makes sense to me that he would do all these actions. It's fucked up, but I can't blame him for being put in that kind of situation. Being a kid and growing up, it's hard and nobody understands. His life was an Ugly Story.

[rosepetals-flyingbirds]

Golden Boy.

With: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Word Count:  3.334

Note: At first, I was trying a Dark!Steve but I failed since I didn’t want to involve rape nor violence. Smut.

You don’t know how this happened.

Better yet, how you agreed to it.

Steve Rogers was a decent man, wasn’t he?! When we saw him in papers or even so politely answering people we would think: ’Uau, that is a man that anyone would marry with. Look at him, all polite and righteous.’

So why you were sitting in his lap panting while he held your body and his cum filled the condom inside of you?

When the night started you didn’t expect to get so lucky to have Captain America fucking you.

But him, showing up his wild side to you? Kept you breathless.

Four Hours Ago.

You didn’t like clubs much, it was all the same, a night that you would spend money, get stressed with uncalled men groping you and probably going home slightly drunk and having to deal with a rude taxi’s driver.

But you needed to have fun, live your life as your friend said, so you did. Placed your best short and uncomfortable dress and went clubbing.

And one hour later you were pissed and slightly anxious. Pissed at the weird sweaty people grinding on you and to four dudes that held your ass, and when you complained you were entitled as a prude.

So fuck it.

You walked away from the annoying place and walked till you could find a calm bar.

Duo your attire some people stared you, but you were pissed so you ignored them and asked for a martini.

You checked your phone entering and closing social media repeatedly, the tv on showed the report about the Avengers’s newest accomplishment.

“What happened?” You called the bartender and pointed to the tv.

“They got some human traffickers. Saved lot of people.”

Well, you couldn’t be pissed with that. It was a great new, to be honest.

Captain America and Iron Man appeared in civilians footage, Tony was handsome, but Steve… you could only imagine having him by your side.

Two drinks later you had enough and asked for a water bottle before paying. Fresh air and water would help to your begging of a dizzy state.

Back at your apartment, you let a sigh, what should have been a good night of unstressing went to a hole of loneliness and doubt.

You loved New York, you always wanted to live there, have the cliche lifestyle every American movie showed whenever the protagonist was in the big city. But you were lonely. You wish you could not care and fuck strangers in the club’s bathroom, or pay for unnecessary stuff not caring for rent or worrying about your future.

Or better yet, you wish you could be transported to a fairyland of princes of good heart that would do the imaginable just to see you happy.

But real life wasn’t like that, it was hard and cruel.

So what could you do?

Glancing in the mirror on the bathroom you stopped from removing your dress. It was 11 pm still and you wanted to see the city moving, but not going down and walking, just gazing at the rocky jungle.

You stepped on your flip flops and went to the rooftop. The atmosphere was calm, calm in the sense of only you could see those people living their lives.

They were down there, getting out of work, going to party, going home, they were laughing or crying or feeling empty like you.

Wasn’t everybody empty?

You sat in the chair that the janitor used on his lunch breaks and sat down to relax, you couldn’t sit in the end of the concrete and let your legs move in the air.

And closing your eyes and feeling your mind meddling in the city’s wildness you heard a grunt and someone stepping in the rooftop.

You jumped out of the chair confused of anyone going up there and even more confused of seeing Captain fucking America on his suit and current longer hair.

“Uh, please don’t tell anyone.”

You looked behind your shoulder and back ar him. “What?”

“That I’m here, I, I’m just really tired and I can’t handle reporters or anyone right now so please just-I”

“You think I’ll start yelling your name or take a picture to post in some stupid social media like Twitter giving the address so people can come here?”

He looked intensely tired but nodded his head.

You let a forced laugh and sat down again in the not so comfortable sun-chair. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” Steve kept looking at you but didn’t move. “Listen, I really don’t know why you’re here at my rooftop but I’m tired too and the last thing I want is people meddling the place. So if you want to… keep doing whatever you came to go on, I just want to keep looking at the lights till I get sleepy.”

His shoulder relaxed at that but he didnt walk to the fire stairs he took nor to the door that let inside the building. He just sat down two meters from you propping his back against one of the walls.

You didn’t look at him because it would make him nervous or annoyed, but the sound of his heavy breath was clear.

Your eyes kept closed and your ears picking the sounds here and there.

Steve was staring at you confused, even if you didn’t freak out about a super hero being near you, didn’t even try to a conversation, you just… ignored him.

Well, ignore is a harsh word, you just respected his space.

Seeing your eyes opening and your body sliding down in the chair so your eyes got directed to the sky, he broke his gaze. “Are you okay?”

You smirked at his question, apparently he was a hero in and off work. “Yeah, just normal crises.” He chuckled but you didn’t look at him, well, not until you sat straight again. “You?”

Letting a sigh he sucked his bottom lip, talking to a stranger could be better than talk to someone you know for years. “Normal crisis too, I guess. I’m just tired.”

“I bet, I mean if me in my normal extraordinary boring life am tired and trying to move on, you having to go around the world and save millions of people… damn.”

He smiled, his eyes closed and he did what you said you were doing ’meddling in the city wildness’.

After a peaceful moment of silence Steve stood up. You looked at him approaching and all of your wild thoughts with him came rushing to you, after all he was right there.

He pointed to the floor next to your chair and you nodded, not being a hundred percent sure of his intentions, so he sat and kept near you. You didn’t think much before getting up and closing the chair placing it where the janitor let’s, but before Steve could feel embarrassed you walked to him and sat by his side.

“Wanna talk? Sometimes talking to a stranger is more helpful.”

“Yeah, I think that too.”

You gazed at his recessive face so you raised your pinky. “I swear whatever you tell me here it won’t leave here. This is a safe place.”

He chuckled. “Like a therapist?”

“Yeah, I guess, well, cutting off the money and the professional look and the watch.”

“Watch?”

“Yeah, the watch in the wall or on the therapist’s wrist where they keep glancing at because the moment you end your scheduled appointment they kick you out or ask for more money.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

He held your pinky with him and you smiled at the gesture. Who would think, Y/N Y/L/N in the rooftop holding pinkies with Captain America?

“We did well today. It was a long case, and we went there to break it out and free those people. And it’s good, refreshing to help them, but it’s always that. We go around the world and shit keeps happening. And at the end of the day I just lay awake before passing out of exhaustion and waking up ready to enter the quinjet and fight another battle again. It’s a routine.”

You didn’t answer him, only shook your head signaling that you understood what he meant. Which he was grateful for, lots of people gave advices, but he just wanted to be heard.

“What is your name?” He asked.

“If I tell you I won’t be a stranger anymore, and then I will not be able to hear you out.”

He smirked at your reply. “Okay, then can I ask why you’re wearing a dress and flip flops?”

“Haven’t you heard? It’s the newest trend.” You joked, but your smile fell and you shrugged your shoulders. “I went out tonight, clubbing, but… but it’s dumb. People are dumb, so I left and came home.”

“Something happened?”

“The normal, loud weird songs that made me feel mental chaos and as I was inside a video game. Men groping me, my friends being drunk and calling me prude because I wasn’t fucking someone in the bathroom. Oh and expensive drinks.”

“Yeah, I don’t like parties much.”

You never stopped to imagine what super heroes did for fun. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, big ones I mean.”

“I bet you never went clubbing, which you should be grateful for.”

Steve smirked and looked at you, he bit his lower lip and looked down at your body. When was the last time he felt lust?

“Can’t afford my face being thrown in media, while I go get drunk people to get hurt out there.” He said and looked down at his hands, being a hero was a full-time thing.

“Imagine one night of freedom, of pure… joy.” You said imagining Steve Rogers being himself.

“Would you want that?” His voice was lower and graver, which sent a chill to your pussy making it clench at nothing.

“Would you?” You asked and Steve could hear your heartbeat accelerating.

Steve moved so he could kiss you, and you were shocked the moment his lips met yours, but you melted on his lips and quickly allowed his tongue to enter your mouth.

He stood up pulling you to his body making your feet touch the ground, his hands went to your thighs pulling you up to him.

You moaned at the kiss and Steve bit your lip making you moan and grind your pussy on his abs.

“Which floor?”

“Third.”

Steve walked to the door that leads to the steps and you left his lips trying to get your breath back. “Wait!” Steve looked at you imagining you wanted to stop. “I, uh, it’ll be better if we go… walking.” You chuckled blushing which made Steve chuckle as well. “Because, you know, neighbors.”

Steve let an almost invisible sigh of relief, but since your senses were hyperware you managed to get it.

Walking to your floor with an awkward silence you almost forgot the heat burning inside of you.

Well, that until you entered your place and Steve held you against his body again. You closed the door and Steve carried you to your bedroom.

He threw you on the bed and you let a small moan at the impact, Steve yelled sex, and with that beard he wore now you knew your panties were soaked.

Steve kneeled in bed trapping your body on his, you touched his arms going up to his neck and taking him to your lips. Steve grinded his covered cock against you, he took his shirt off and his lips went back to yours.

You unbuttoned his pants and took the zip down, making Steve smirk looking at your slightly trembling hand.

Steve ripped your dress and you gasped.

“I really liked that one.” You complained.

“I will send you a new one.”

Taking your bra and panties off you and Steve started to roll in bed. His kisses were rough and his beard scratched but in a wwonderful way.

His strong arms were firm and when he hugged you and squeezed tight you felt safe as aroused.

When Steve was on top of you again he pushed your hips down the bed and trailed kisses on your neck. His nipped and sucked and your hips automatically grinded on him. “Steve.” You moaned.

“Call me, Captain.” He whispered and you moaned at the mere feeling his deep voice sent to your body.

He sucked your right nipple while his hand squeezed your other one. His mouth was so wet and hot and you didn’t know if it was possible to cum only like that.

“Please,” You mumbled.

“Please what?”

“Please, Captain, I, I need you.” You moaned, your cheeks growing hot at the words.

Steve smirked and left an last kiss on your breast. “Good girl.”

He kissed above your belly button and his hands squeezed your hips before trailed them down holding the back of your thighs and opening them.

Steve breathed your scent and moaned, his two fingers went to his mouth and then he started to run it up and down on your wet labia.

“Shit!” You moaned holding the sheets tightly.

His fingers gathered the quantity of wetness he wanted and he entered your pussy. Even Captain America’s fingers were amazing.

He made a come here motion and you jumped when he hit your g-spot. Finally, someone did.

He kept on and on and his piercing blue eyes were fixed on your face, the expression of pleasure made him extremely horny.

He kept on and on and when you came it was like a star fell on your building. Everything turned white and you were shaking.

Before your breath and heart stabilized, Steve held your tights and turned you around.

His hand touched your lower back pushing your back down while your ass was up in the air.

Steve’s lips licked your wetness, and you were surprised.

You pulled your legs together and Steve tasked behind you. “Open your legs.”

“Steve, I, I can’t.” Not another orgasm.

“I wasn’t asking.” He stated and your body was manhandled so your glistening lips were open and shining for his lips.

The way his beard scratched your skin sent another level of arousal through your veins. You moaned and moaned and if Steve wasn’t killing your cunt you could laugh at the karma that is your moaning level, after all, porn stars were exaggerated. Well, if the actors fucked like Steve Rogers does… they aren’t necessarily acting.

A series of slaps went to your ass cheeks and another orgasm reached you.

“Arrghhhhh.”

Suddenly your body was pulled and placed in the bed, your eyes found the ceiling and it looked like the wall was trembling.

Steve smiled seeing the way he made you feel, he kissed his way up and bit your neck playfully.

The level of endorphin running through you was enormous.

Everything was buzzing and when you finally calmed down you were laid on your back with Steve kissing your neck. The smirk on his face would be annoying if he didn’t manage to give you the best orgasm of your life.

You ran your hands on his wide shoulders and attacked his lips with the heated kiss you could muster. His body was like marble.

You scratched his back and bit his lower lip making him moan.

His erection was hot on your thigh and you reached his member holding it in your hand. Steve looked at you and something about breathing the same air was exhilarating.

You pumped his big cock and that man moaning and sweating above you was a sight to behold.

The skin was so smooth and you wanted it inside you, but precaution was important. Steve got slighty confused when you reached to the nightstand.

“Condom.” You whispered.

Steve grabbed the thing and sat on his legs opening the plastic with his teeth. You sat too and kissed his arm while he placed the condom. Honestly, you never understood when people said that didn’t use condoms because it would break the mood. Seriously? Something about men placing the condom on their erect cock was a turn on.

Protect and ready to go Steve attacked your lips again and you felt his cock going up and down on your cunt.

“Fuck.” He cursed on his breath.

Steve sank in and your hands went to hold his face in desperation to hold onto something. The man was with his mouth agape and looking at your expression. “You’re so beautiful. Fuck, so tight.”

He was all in and you couldn’t even move your legs. “Oh my God.” You cried.

And Steve took his cock out till he pushed in again. And soon he made a pace and sat on the bed pulling your legs so your wet pussy was still holding him.

Steve squeezed your waist and pounded into you like he was going to war in the next morning. “Ahhh!”

You yelled and one of his hands held your breast squeezing it tight.

You were almost coming when Steve pulled your body and made you straddle his lap. His right hand held behind your neck so the both of you stared each other and the other one squeezed your ass.

Almost automatically your body started to jump up and down on him and his thrusts met yours.

You literally yelled when you felt your whole body exploding.

Steve cursed again and held you so tight that your need for oxygen got even bigger.

He gave more four deep thrusts and he fell above of you making you two hit the mattress.

Steve moved to his side and you almost thanked him because he was almost crushing you.

You looked at him and covered your eyes giggling. “Uau, I can’t believe the night turned out like that.”

“In a good way?” He asked.

“In an amazing you.”

“To be honest, me too. I’m glad I got up in your apartment’s rooftop.”

You laughed at his response but your mind went to the logical spot saying that this was over and you would never see Captain America again.

Steve sat on the bed and you stared at his defined back while he looked at the door. “I should leave.”

The inevitable.

“Yeah.” He looked at you and you gave him a small smile, you didn’t want to sound clingy.

“Unless… nothing.” He started to speak but shook his head and got on his feet.

“Unless what?”

“If you… allowed me to stay, the night I mean. But I know its weird.”

“Weird?”

“21st century weird?” He tried.

You laughed and got on your feet opening your wardrobe. “You can stay, it’s okay, I actually prefer if you… you know, stay.” Pulling a boxer underwear you threw at him.

“What is this?”

“So you can sleep on, its mine so don’t you worry.” He looked confused at first. “I bought three of those, they are loose and comfortable. Panties can be annoying sometimes, so I use those to sleep.” You explained. Looking at his uniform on the floor you and pointed to the bathroom. “And if you want to take a shower you can, there are clean towels in the second drawer.”

Steve accepted the inventation and you laid in bed while he took the shower.

Captain America wouldn’t steal your house, right?! And after some drinks, three orgasms and the fact that it was four in the morning you drifted to sleep.

Later on, you felt muscled arms holding you close, it was a feeling of safety that you welcomed with open arms.

Steve kissed your neck and pulled the duvet above you two. “What is your name?”

Mumbling your answer Steve smirked at your response. “If I tell you we won’t be strangers anymore.”

“Maybe that would be a good thing.”

Your heart flustered but you tried to not create expectations, even if it was really really hard. “Y/N. My name is Y/N.”

Steve repeated your name and you smiled at how good it sounded in his lips.

         …

Honestly, Steve with a beard can have me any time, anywhere.

[spectraspecs-writes]

Kashyyyk - Chapter 70

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 69. Chapter 71.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma thank u for reading you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank u for support you get a tag

A/N: Okay, one more complete chapter to type before I drift into the abyss for another week or so.

-----------------

I think it is! It’s green, and it flashes quickly, accompanied by sounds of the beasts. Four at once, and they aren’t backing down. But before I get close enough to help, he takes out all four himself. Cool.

He turns and sees me. “Ah, the damnable racket of battle!” he swears. He sounds crotchety, but he’s got the same kind of attitude I have, which I love. “Watch yourself, even more of these crawling beasts are hiding in the underbrush.”

“Who are you?” I ask, “You’re not Czerka, are you?” He certainly doesn’t look like Czerka.

“I'm Jolee. Jolee Bindo,” he says, “Follow me to my camp and we'll talk a bit.”

“You use a lightsaber in battle,” Bastila asks him as he starts to head back to his camp, “Are you a Jedi?”

“Ah, don't start fawning just yet, I'm too old for it,” he complains, and then he sighs, “I…I know a few things, but we can talk about it at my camp. Keep close. It's nearby under a log.” He scoffs. “Yeah, I live like some burrowing rodent. I fought the Sith… now look at me. Hmph!”

We follow where he leads. He has a charming little hut-house, and he’s kinds enough to let us in as it starts to rain a little. The rain exacerbates my allergies, so I inject another of Canderous’s stim packs. Jolee huffs a little at that. “Well, welcome to my home,” he says, “such as it is. Pull up a stump and be comfortable. We should discuss a few things.” He offers us some fruit, being a kind host. 

Bastila and Canderous both take the offer in earnest, but I’ve got business on my mind. “No offense,” I say, “I’m sure you know a lot, but I don’t have much time.”

“You'll have nothing but time if you don't take what help you can,” he says gruffly, “I've been here for many years. I know things. Remember that.” He shakes his head and sits down. “My days of glory are behind me, but… perhaps there is something I can do for you. You must have questions.”

“I would like to ask about you,” Bastila asks, “If that’s all right.”

“Ah, what is there to tell?” he says simply, “Jolee Bindo is the crazy old man in the dangerous woods. I'm content with the impression I give.” My kind of guy.

“But you use a lightsaber in battle. You are a Jedi,” Bastila says.

Jolee sighs. “I follow the Jedi Way and I command the Force, yes, and I suppose that makes me as much a Jedi as anyone,” he says, sounding almost a little reluctant to admit as much, “… but what of it? Why should being what I am compel me to entertain others with tales of the 'good old days' huh?” Bastia doesn’t quite like his gruff manner. I like it, personally. “I've seen my share of the dark and the light. And frankly, both extremes annoy me. Of course… I have felt the rumblings of change… “

Bastila gets a small smug look on her face. “I can feel the power of the Force within you, old man,” she says - is she… trying to tease him? - “but I do not sense the taint of the Dark Side. I think you are a servant of the light, despite what you claim.”

While Jolee would certainly be understood if he gave her a talking-to, he doesn’t. “Well, I assure you, I see more grey than dark or light. I'm just a stubborn old man, tired of the foolishness of others.” I certainly agree there.

I’m here for a reason, though, and if he knows the area, I’m going to try to get the information I need to finish what I came here to do. “Chuundar, the Wookiee chieftain from R… Ruh-wook…”

“Rwookrroro,” Jolee finishes for me.

“Right, yes, thank you. He sent us after a crazed Wookiee,” I say, “Do you know anything about this Wookiee? Have you seen him?”

“Crazed? Maddened with grief, perhaps, but not crazed,” Jolee says. See, I didn’t think he was crazed, exactly. “I helped him pass to the lower forests where only a Wookiee could follow. Some other matters will determine if you can follow. There is a barrier that… well, we'll talk of that more in a moment.”

He’s a cool dude and everything, but the less time I spend on Kashyyyk the better. “I’m looking for a Star Map, mainly,” I say, “Do you know anything about it?”

He grins. “Now why would you be asking about that, hmm? Don't answer. I knew that had to be why you were here. The problems of a few Wookiees don't amount to anything before the concerns of the Jedi.” Now, that’s not fair. If I wasn’t allergic to this planet I would do everything I could to help the Wookiees. I’m just in mild agony and have been for several hours. “No,” he finishes, “you are here for the map.

“Kashyyyk is an interesting place, more so than anyone suspects. If Czerka Corporation knew,” he says with an ironic laugh, “the planet would be a strip mine.” Doubtless. Czerka is willing to destroy anything if it gets them a few more credits. “The Wookiees have their legends that they were not always here, but it is more than that. The trees themselves are strangers.”

Uh… what? “That sounds fascinating,” I say, “and I would love to hear more, but I’m confused.”

“What I'm saying is that there are literally walls in your way,” he says - and I don’t exactly see how that relates to the trees being strangers, but okay, “and you won't find what you need without my help. And my help has a price.” Of course it does. “You must do a task for me, and then allow me to join with you. I will then remove certain barriers in your path.”

“Oh, hell, no,” Canderous protests, “The port quarters are crowded enough as it is. You want to add a cryptic old man to your current entourage of a Wookiee, a Mandalorian, and your Republic boyfriend?”

“Canderous, Carth is not my boyfriend.”

He laughs. “You know what they say about people who protest too much.”

“Leave her alone, Canderous,” Bastila says, gently smacking him. She smiles at him but she doesn't like his suggestion any more than I do. “I’m sure we can accommodate you, Jolee.”

“Glad to have you aboard,” I say, “So what’s the task?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Jolee says, “Since they began expanding in the Shadowlands, the Czerka have left me alone, for the most part. Until recently, anyway. A group of them set up camp not far from here.” He scoffs. “Poachers, is all they are. I'd like them removed from this place.”

And this is supposed to be a difficult task? I’d chase the Czerka away for fun. “So you want me to get some kids off your lawn,” I say teasingly.

He takes the joke and returns it. “Yes, yes, I’m an old man that’s getting fussy,” he says, “Call me foolish if you will, I don’t care.”

“Perish the thought,” I say, “I’d do this just for fun. Czerka has absolutely no respect for the native environment or animals, I‘m sure they’re threatening the wildlife and the ecosystem balance, and I know some of the Wookiees hate the idea of them being down here.” Gorwooken expressed as much, and I get the impression he’s not alone. “Out of idle curiosity, though, if you want them gone so badly, why haven’t you gotten rid of them yourself?”

“Don't talk back to your elders, child,” he says, teasing a bit, “Look, they know me quite well, and are always on alert when I approach. The only way I could get rid of them would be violence, which would eventually lead to trouble for the Wookiees.” I can see that. The Wookiees know he’s down here. If he removes Czerka, Czerka may ask why they haven’t removed him. Any hint of conflict could exacerbate this whole situation. “I want them gone,” Jolee continues, “but with as little fuss as possible. They have already caused enough trouble as it is.

“Their camp is in the far northeast,” he says, “And remember, if I wanted them dead, I'd have done it myself. Find a better way.”

“Gladly,” I say, “I don’t like Czerka any more than you do. I’d love nothing more than to get them all off this planet.”

“Well, you can start with the poachers,” he says with a smile, “Go on, now. Shoo! Shoo!”

Ah, he’s not so tough as all that. Despite the rain picking up, I still head out. Bastila and Canderous reluctantly follow me out into the wet. The moss glows brighter in the rain, and helps guide me close to where the Czerka poachers are hanging out. It’s dark, but my eyes adjust quickly to the low light. And I’m honestly enjoying myself. This is the closest I’ve gotten to my old scouting lifestyle in months, and I was starting to miss it. The days when water was scarce so the closest you got to a shower were rain storms like this one. When you kept lights low at night so as not to disturb the local environment too much, and to keep unwanted attention away from you. When what you ate was what you could kill, harvest, salvage, or store for months at a time, and you never took more than you needed. You were only a guest. You lived off the land, surveyed, gathered information, traded with any locals you found, learned their methods for surviving. I was with a Republic-aligned corps - not in the same field as the soldiers but I followed some of the same rules - but when we met up with Mandalorian squads, Hutt-funded expeditions, or even Sith corps, there was never much conflict between us. It wasn’t worth it. We were all at the mercy of the planet, the changing conditions. Would we ever keep information to ourselves? Yeah, of course, but nothing that would risk anyone’s lives. We’d keep shortcuts, or secluded resources to ourselves - I know about a hot spring on Utapau I’ve only told a few people about - but if my group ever came across another, we’d trade stories and tips, advice about where to camp, what to eat, who the natives were. Much as I hate Czera, their scouts were even tolerable. For them, Czerka was just an employer, not a way of life. Czerka may have funded their trips and asked for reports, but their reports were no different than mine. They may have had Czerka gear, but when it broke down they made do and improvised the same as I did. They were there to explore, provide reconnaissance for whoever paid the bills, just like me. I tried not to think about the fact that their information would lead to the leeching of a planet. 

But Czerka scouts and Czerka yes-men are two different types of people. It’s not hard to find the camp of these Czerka poachers. All the light hurts my eyes. The moss doesn’t glow. It looks a bit sickly. There are no tachs here, no beasts of any kind. When an animal starts to approach, it shrieks painfully and runs away. And for any that aren’t deterred, there are mines. They have tarps set up over some of their equipment, keeping it dry. And beyond the small camp, I can make out… something. A massive force field. Must be the barrier Jolee was talking about.

Something hurts my ears. Gives me a headache. Not the allergies, but I can ignore it well enough. There are four Czerka grunts and one with a hat - only bosses get the hats. And the boss comes up to me with his blaster. “Who are you, another civil merchant like that core-slime up on the docking ring?” he asks derisively. Rude-ass bitch. “This is my territory. I don't make deals and I don't persuade easily, so go back topside. Mess with my profits and I'll see you dead.”

What a jerk. Is a poacher incapable of being a nice person? “Are you going to stop me? You’ll need more than a blaster to do that.”

He rolls his eyes. “Look, I don't care if you want to play tourist down here, but you behave yourself or we'll have a problem. I've got a job to do, and I won't be gentle if you get in my way, understand?”

Geez, okay, fine. I’ll get out of your way. I’m not going to get anywhere with him. And I don’t want to. He moves away and I go past him, further into the camp. I hunker down under one of the tarps set up. (There’s an open plasteel cylinder with only one thing in it, some animal organs. I have to assume they’re tach glands. It doesn’t smell, so I reach in and grab it before anyone notices. There we go, I got the tach gland for Griff and possibly inconvenienced some Czerka asshole. All in a day’s work.)

Under the tarp is a piece of equipment with a slowly rotating head. Weird, wonder what it does. I would start messing with it, but one of the Czerka grunts is standing close to it, I don’t want to tip him off. I try to read him, see what I can see. There’s a patch on his jacket, or rather a spot where a patch has been removed. The shape is distinctive, because I’ve seen it so many times before. That’s the shape of the patch Czerka scouts wear. Which means I’m cut from the same cloth as this guy. “Hey,” I say to him, “you a scout?”

He seems surprised to see me or hear me. “Used to be,” he says, “But then Czerka decided my skills would be more valuable here.” He scoffs at that. Yeah, you can’t get rid of the scouting bug. We’re not happy sitting still. “You?”

“Yeah,” I say, “Republic corps. They called me in to the fleet, put me on a ship. I hated it.”

“Not on that ship anymore.”

“Yeah, Sith blew it up,” I say, “But then I met a Jedi, one thing led to another, and here I am.”

He looks impressed. “How’s Jedi life treating you?” he asks, “I bet you don’t miss roughing it.”

“I do sometimes,” I tell him honestly, ”Jedi aren’t really explorers. I miss exploring. Dropping down on a planet and going where the wind takes me. How about you?”

He drops his blaster to his side, relaxed. “I wish I could be here as a scout, honestly,” he says, “I’d love to explore down here, see what’s hiding in these trees, Can I tell you something? Scout to scout?” I nod, and he comes close. “I hate what Commander Dern has us doing. He’s in the tach harvesting business, selling their glands to make stims.”

“You could put in for a transfer,” I suggest.

“Yeah, sure,” he says sarcastically, “And risk them sending me to one of their corporate offices? No way. At least here I get fresh air in my lungs.”

“Maybe you could ask about being stationed to the docks,” I say, “Out of the Shadowlands.”

“That’d be a lot easier if there weren’t operations down here,” he says, “I wouldn’t say this to anyone else, they wouldn’t get it, but these emitters take all the fun out of being down here.”

“Emitters?”

“Yeah,” he says, tapping the spinning-head device with his foot, “this stupid thing. This and those other three generate a sonic barrier that allows us to stay down here. It keeps the big predators away, mostly katarns.” Must be those big things Jolee was fighting earlier. “I don’t know how it works, really. I just know that if they go down, the camp would be overrun. They’re permanent, too - these things will run for years. They say it makes harvesting easier. Personally, I think they should just equip it with a blaster and station us all somewhere else.”

“Hang on, let me get this straight,” I say, “The emitters keep you safe down here. What would happen if someone… shut it down? Theoretically speaking, of course.”

He gets a little grin on his face, and reaches discreetly into his pocket. Then he says, a little louder, “These emitters can only be programmed with a special code, specific to each emitter. I would never share my emitter’s code.” He says, while handing me a small programming strip. Then he whispers, “Thanks,” and turns away from me. With that strip, shutting the emitter off is simple. Now my headache lessens - it must be these emitters that are hurting me.

“Well done, Rena,” Bastila says, “How did you know he was a scout?”

“I recognized a patch spot on his jacket,” I say, “Czerka makes all their scouts wear a certain patch. I got to know that patch pretty well after all the years I spent scouting.”

It doesn’t take much persuasion to get one of the other guards to give me his code, too (admittedly for different reasons - this one just really didn’t like waking up every morning to find a tach in his tent), and with just two emitters down, the field deactivates. It doesn’t hurt my ears anymore. Shouldn’t take too long before…

“Run! Run!” the commander shouts, as a small group of katarns overtakes the camp. And just like that, the poachers are gone.

[eslinogambino-blog]

Im a transguy and trying to get to know this girl on a dating site but i am lying to her and i dont know how to turn it around. she wants to meet and i dont know what to say to her but shell find out if we take it to the next level i cant so what do i say to reverse it. btw im glad you are back. your advice has always helped me

Dating when transgender is a whole new experience to dating as someone born the gender they present as, which I’m sure you’re seeing. But it also isn’t in my opinion. Maybe I’m transgender. Maybe I’m cisgender. Maybe I’m a chicken nugget. Maybe it’s maybelline. Maybe I’m gay. Maybe I’m straight. Who knows. Either way, I see approaching relationships the same.

When I’m getting to know a girl, I talk to her for a long time before I meet her. I would say out of 50 messages I might have with women, I only meet 5 maximum. The other 45 I decided wouldn’t fit me or I didn’t vibe with the right way. I saved myself a lot of heartbreak and rejection that way.

For someone who is transgender it’s no different really. You should always take the time to get to know someone, understand their view points and personality. After all depending on the point you are in within your transition can make it pretty impossible to meet up for just a hook up. This is where things are different and this prolonged process of getting to know someone is almost essential to move forward. Going on a date without her knowing, is sort of allowing her to assume something about you that if she knew more, maybe she’d be uncomfortable or confused, sometimes even feel betrayed. Some people just outright aren’t okay with it and could even react violently. It’s not okay but it does happen.

I would say during this beginning period of just talking, to be a friend. Don’t have your hopes up, but be confident in who you are and what you can offer. Avoid romantic or sexual conversations. This isn’t the wrong thing to do no matter your identity, it’s always good to respect someone as a person before assuming you fit in other ways. Find out her political beliefs. Find out her position on bullying or the underdog. gay people. etc… a lot of these things will help you know if she’s harshly against it or even mildly understanding of it. When you have an indication, if it’s positive, move forward. If negative, its over. You no longer need to talk to her, and you never got your emotions involved so no harm, no foul, move along to the next. Keep her friendship if you’d like but she isn’t interested. You also didn’t have to tell her something personal about yourself that you’d probably regret revealing.

Upon moving forward, drop small hints. Never make jokes about your balls if you don’t have them, never try to overcompensate with hypermasculinity and being a man if its something that you struggle with. Try being transparent without actually saying you’re transgender directly. It should be somewhat obvious there is something different about you in regards to masculinity or typical gender norms before you meet without you directly making a deal of it. If she gets the hint and doesn’t like it, she’ll do you the favor and go away. Don’t chase her, she is not interested.

Eventually when you feel safe reaching and speaking with her on deeper topics, especially social ones that make you different, then I would initiate meeting. You don’t have to tell her yet, it’s already obvious she’s cool with it as a person, finding out if shes cool with it romantically is only after things actually become romantic. If you meet up and she’s flirting, seems romantically drawn to you, and assumes its a date, then I would be comfortable enough to entertain the IDEA of liking her back but not really give that all back. She’ll notice something is off, your engagement in return to her seems off. She might ask and that’s your opportunity to tell her, or you can tell her later if things went well that you’re not like other guys, there are some things that are different and you think she’s cool but you don’t know how she’d feel about it.

She might just tell you she already kinda knew. She might ask you what that entails. So answer her questions. If she’s as understanding as you’ve made sure she is, then she will be cautious in her questions. If the questions are fitting to romantic or sexual desires, then she is probably interested in less of what it means to you and more in how it affects her. So tell her honestly, what you intend to do in your transition, what you’ve already done, what you are comfortable with and what you expect from a woman. Be sensible and logical, not everything needs to be so personal and detailed.

I think with dating women it’s easier in some ways. Certain women at least. They’re more receptive to taking an emotional stance on things. So you have some leverage there. A woman will be more calm and understanding of your reveal. Let’s say she denies you, you missed the mark, you thought she liked you and would be understanding and she’s not. That’s okay, you have others to talk to thankfully, you never got fully invested, and you only told someone who understood and wont judge you for it or go around telling people your business. You made a real genuine friend.

if she is cool with it, I would just continue the friendship and see if things get romantic. Don’t bring up the trans thing, you’re just a guy. No need to make jokes about it, no need to make her think about it. You’re just a guy, she already got her questions answered in regards to that. Things will naturally just go on like any relationship.

I’d give 2 months minimum for this all to develop and she’ll appreciate you more for actually getting to know her.

For trans women, I would say withhold sex. Normalize being transgender. Some men will only be willing to engage with you sexually if they are fetishizing you, because their perceived masculinity requirements wont allow them to see you romantically. It’s a lot harder in my opinion. I would say withhold sex, be a person, be a friend. Find out his views, find out his comforts, slowly ease in the idea that youre different from other women and if he rejects you, is mean to you, slanders you.  You just say : i apologize that you feel mislead at all by how I am, I never intended for that, I really think youre a cool person and I didnt know if you’d be open to it. It was worth a try, I dont really see you romantically just yet anyway, but I thought it’d be cool to chill. But thanks anyway for taking the time to get to know me as a person.” and you can block them or withstand another threat or insult, or maybe hear him out. Maybe a friendship will arise and maybe it will become more if he sees there is no pressure.

I try to encourage everyone who is trans to not be so open about it immediately. Don’t deceive, just only reveal it when you are comfortable with someone. Profile should say male or female if thats what you identify as. The trans thing is more what youve done or are doing, youre transitioning but its not WHAT or WHO you are. It’s not really an identity at all, it’s kind of the background noise or schematics of it all. If you treat it that way, others will, too….most of the time.

As for reversing a lie, I would say that you got yourself in a tough spot. I would become a bit distant and less romantic with this person to make it clear you are guilty or feel like you’ve overstepped. Usually when you step back, someone steps forward…at least if they care. So you step back, she steps forward, you explain you havent been honest and youre not really like other dudes and you feel like you’ve mislead her and you’ll understand if she doesnt want to go forward with things. She’ll encourage you but dont play games, make sure you feel comfortable. There is a risk here. When you feel you’ve beat around it enough and she’s let down her guard enough, reveal. I would also start to check her political views and ideas about social events going on before revealing no matter what. It’s extremely important to do that. She might reveal she is a die hard trump fan, anti lgbt hardcore and you know to just stop talking to her. Why would you want to be with someone like that anyway? Cis or Trans?

Basically, treat it like any other relationship but prolong the intimate stuff until you know them better. Everyone will be saved from  a lot of heartbreak, rejection and embarrassment. You never have to get too attached to the potential of someone else if your options are always open to being friends or maybe something else, who knows, If you have an agenda, I dont think you should be dating people anyway. If youre not willing to be genuinely interested in them as a person, you’re just going to hurt them eventually anyway, whether they see passed it or not.

[man-i-dont-know]

BNHA Chapter 166: Thoughts and Spoilers

Hello again, this was a quality chapter that pulled on the heart strings a bit. So let’s get into it.

Everyone gets right into it. The high schoolers and the elementary kids get ready to throw down while the spectators are thinking, “are they really gonna fight?” One kid nearly hits Bakugou, I think Bakugou dodged it easy since there were no exclamation marks, but it seemed like a close call, ripping his mask off. Then Todoroki and Inasa get swamped with large amounts of dust. Then the rest of the kids tag in and the three of them seem totally overwhelmed. The kids show such a display of power that even Present Mic is impressed with the raw strength, and we get some explanation from meat-grinder dude. Since quirks are becoming more and more common, and blood lines keep mixing, future generations of quirks are going to become stronger and stronger, until the point that some fear, they will hit a “singularity.” This is frightening dude to the potential danger in something like that, but it is not something we will have to worry about in the near future (plus Chisaki managed to find a counter on low funds illegally, so I think if the government needed to, they could figure it out as well).

Back on topic, the high schoolers obviously shook off the attack because they are soon-to-be pros. Bakugou is pissed, Todoroki takes in the situation and Inasa wants them to all be friends. Then the leader (which was who I thought, heck yeah) told the kids to redouble their efforts and the girl that called Camie a “hussy” attacked Todoroki, who in turn spouted the most cheesy, romantic, shoujo (I believe that is the term) line about the girl being beautiful and having already fallen in love with her. She immediately stops the attack and this prince of romance Todoroki turns out to be an illusion by Camie. Comedy reasons aside, I am glad we got to see what her quirk is, because it confirms that she is not Toga, which we already knew but I like getting confirmation. SO back to the present Bakugou is genuinely laughing at this fake Todoroki. Like, genuine, hand-over-the-mouth, snorting, trying not to make a scene laughing, even going as far as telling Camie that she did good. Todoroki, with his minimal social skill, is trying to figure out why that was as funny as it was. (I am also interested in why Camie’s character box it is specifically stated that the illusion quirk is forbidden to be used abusively, Bakugou can literally blow things up with his hands, why does the illusion warrant this caution? Maybe due to its versatility and general subtlety?)

The leader of the kids starts to freak out and the high schoolers start to enact their plan. Which is absolutely amazing. They make a small theme park out of ice with the occasional rings of fire, Inasa is ferrying people to the top with his wind and Camie is bringing the northern lights into the building just for special effect. Inasa is saying that the kids are great and Todoroki is complimenting the kids on their quirks and for helping make the structure. They really did a fantastic job of being really cool while simultaneously are making the kids feel good about helping make this great structure. Not only are the kids stunned, but everyone watching is stunned as well. All Might put his hands together like he was really pleased and even Endeavor went a little wide eyed. We get to see in a minor flashback the process of coming up with the plan, and it is Bakugou that seemed to understand the most that this wouldn’t be something about winning or losing and Todoroki wants to broaden their outlook (which he says with one of the most heartfelt smiles I’ve ever seen him put on).

Bakugou goes straight up to the leader kid and tells him to participate. He tells the kid that “if all you ever do is look down on people, you won’t be able to recognize your own weakness.” He says this with a straight face, I wouldn’t go as far as saying it is vulnerable, but it isn’t his typical face of rage. He tells “Baldy” and Todoroki to take the kid to the top of the slide. These words actually reached the kid, who had seemingly stopped believing that anyone had the right to give him advice anymore. Beyond Bakugou’s interaction with the kid, I was also intrigued by how he has addressed people during this chapter. He called Camie “Ms. Illusion” and Inasa “Baldy.” While I can not read Japanese nor did I see any other translation for “Ms. Illusion,” it struck me as something oddly respectful, which Bakugou is not known for, it could be that her humor is what made Bakugou rank her so highly, but to start off with that level of respect (even though -san is pretty basic I believe) is odd. “Baldy” is about normal, taking a trait from someone and just using that as a name, so that does not surprise me, but what did surprise me is that he straight up calls Todoroki, Todoroki. I could be wrong but I don’t think he has even done that with Kirishima. I am not saying that Todoroki is closer to Bakugou than Kirishima, but I think it is worth noting that Bakugou cares enough to do that (I can’t seem to remember if Bakugou calls Uraraka by her name or not). **Also Camie is in the corner with the young girls dancing with an illusion Todoroki who seems to be jamming too**

Then we come to the last page. Inasa wants to make a bigger and better slide that  is more a roller coaster than anything. The elementary teacher is so grateful that she seems ready to cry (though if I had to deal with those kids, crying would probably become real easy). Then the combination of the last three panels really gets me. All Might asks Endeavor a rhetorical question, “for what reason are we equipped with our powers,” or something along those lines. Endeavor has a look on his face that I would describe as open, contemplative thoughtfulness, and this expression comes from All Might’s words while watching his son entertain a girl with fire, keeping her hands warm. In these two panels, we can see some really important stuff on both sides. Starting with Todoroki, his panel is incredibly important because he is using the quirk he associated with hatred, violence and pain to entertain a child, he is using the quirk that he had suppressed out of hate to make someone else happy. He is growing so much and so well, his development is really amazing. Endeavor on the other, we are starting to see the first steps of something good. Endeavor approached All Might to find what he was missing, and received an insufficient answer (in Endeavor’s opinion anyway), but then saw in his own son what he was missing. Whether he puts it all together and acts on it is another thing, as much as we all hate him, he is intelligent, and after this, he will more likely than not try to take baby steps in a new direction.

This chapter was a great example of character development on Todoroki’s, Bakugou’s, Inasa’s and even Endeavor’s part. I am really amazed with how these characters change and adapt to new situations, growing as people in general. I find it greatly comforting, because a lot of stories in books, movies, comics, manga, whatever, the characters always seem to be trapped in what they were and don’t do a whole lot of growing. Seeing angry characters mellow out, seeing ruthless characters empathize, seeing narrow-minded characters take a step back is so reassuring to me. Becoming who you want to be or becoming a better version of yourself can be a hard thing to properly show in characters that are two dimensional without the author pointing at what is happening explicitly. This chapter was rejuvenating after the emotional turmoil that was the last arc, and I am so glad that this arc is happening.

Well, that is about it. Thank you all for reading, and I hope you have a great day.

[margathecreatughhh]

thoughts

uhhh hi i haven’t written on here since last year but i’m back.

the dude i referred to in my previous posts broke my heart. i’m okay now though, no more anger, sadness, or nostalgia.

that’s not what i’m about to talk about now though. i was watching 2019 BTS Festa video, the Bangtan Attic one. I remember watching it when it came out and the advice they said in the video actually helped me deal with the issues that ensued after the break up. 

i was actually pretty miserable from july last year and that kind of dragged on until early april of this year. 

i’m currently self-isolating right now, i haven’t done my schoolwork or whatever. i’ve been reading a lot to keep my mind of things. when i didn’t read, i’d watch youtube videos or fangirl over BTS on social media. 

honestly, i’d love to talk about what happened the past few months, but i can say truthfully that i’ve lowkey let go of the things that made me miserable? i have moments when i just want to cry though. that’s actually really better than having to accumulate all my emotions and just going off in one setting (feb 29, payag payag. i c u). quarantine has actually given me a lot of time to just reflect on the things that happened the past few months. thinking about them now, it still makes me emotional, but not as much as it used to when i’d get into a panic attack or i start drowning in self-loathing. as i’m typing this though, i feel a little bit choked up but that’s what happens when i drink caffeine at 2 am so i can’t fully blame my emotions.

i have no one to talk to here in my dorm. i live alone for the first time in my life because of issues with roommates in the past. since moving here, it did feel a little bit lonely. i don’t have anyone to talk to since joy is also pretty busy but i don’t hold that against her because we live in different time zones now and i respect her priorities. not that i think she would never prioritize me, she’s actually one call away, i just respect her decision to become more independent in a new environment. anyway, with the things that happened in the past few months, i’ve decided to keep things to myself (not anymore though, i’ve chosen to talk about the things that bothered me to other people. shoutout to nina c). i always used twitter as an outlet because the idea of having to condense your thoughts into a tweet has always been enough. people didn’t think the same though, so i’m off of my personal twitter account and migrated back to my stan account. i think it’s better because i’m less involved in the drama that goes on with irl people. i’d say that it was a breather to just put all my energy into something else, which is fangirling. 

sometimes i slip into sadness but its rare. i know i’m probably speaking too soon but i guess i feel like i have to bring it up so i can acknowledge how its actually happening. i’m trying to get back into my hobbies and leisurely activities but that, of course, is going to be hard. 

i came back onto tumblr because my dumbass started thinking about how i know when i can finally break out from my social anxiety. before i get into that though, i think i have to talk about how i finally acknowledged how i have social anxiety.

i’ve always known i was indifferent towards people. indifferent in a way that i felt like i was always an outcast or that people didn’t want me to be part of something. then, idk i just arrived to the point that it doesn’t really matter who doesn’t want me in a certain situation because i know there are people who do want me to be part of something. thoughts like that give me hope, you know? i’ve started thinking about not looking into situations too much and constantly asking myself “does she not like me?”, “did i say something to offend her?” etc. 

the self reflection i experienced a few weeks ago did help me sort my thoughts out. i started thinking about who i was before i became miserable last year. i knew i always had a positive outlook in life, and i was quite an optimist. those were what kept me sane and it really helped with anxiety. when i came to these thoughts during self-reflection, i realized i’ve been asking myself the wrong questions. “why would it matter if the person likes me or not?”, “should i adjust my tone and my way of speaking to avoid offending others?”, etc. i think shifting into this mindset is better. as i type this out, i think to myself, “am i doing this for the sake of others?”, “am i being a people-pleaser by considering these thoughts?”. the answer is no. before i was subjected into the unbearable pain and misery a few months ago, i did have this mindset. i was always so thoughtful of others, and that itself made me happy. i knew that if i was kind to others, if i was positive around people, that would make me happy too. of course there are some setbacks into this mindset such as when people really be testing you and your patience, but that’s the thing to it- you’re supposed to be patient. thinking about these things again, it reminds me how much i changed after what happened the past few months.  back then, i wouldn’t have had to remind myself these things or submit to self-reflection because it came naturally to me. i was the one who never thought about reciprocation. i didn’t count on other people’s well-doings towards me. i never thought “i’d do this for them, why wouldn’t they do it for me too?”. i thought about this a lot and have cried over it. again, i did some self-reflection. i messaged the people i wanted to message, the people who have made me feel important and helped push me into self-reflection. i honestly feel like i lost myself these past few months and i don’t think it’s something i want. i message my friends who have listened to me ramble about the things that bothered me, my friends who checked up on me during ecq, my friend who actually bothered to reply and exhibited the same energy when i messaged her. i also apologized to one of my blockmates for my behavior the past few months, i didn’t get a reply. a tugging feeling claws inside me but for the most part, i really don’t care. 

when i realized that i have finally gained a solid grasp to who i was, who i want to be, and who i want to continue to be, i sought comfort through words. that’s when i decided to rewatch 2019 bts festa out of nowhere. 

the members actually said a lot of things that are great for the mind. i’m gonna list a few:

- i am my own hope

- it happens

- i’m happy seeing the members happy

i’m sure there were a lot of things i skipped over. they also talked about having to keep up with a persona and that honestly dug in deep too because i know i feel like i always have to act a certain way when im with different people. of course it wouldn’t be easy to shift into a more natural version of myself when im around all these kinds of people but i’ll be sure to work on it more. 

anyways, these words helped remind me of who i was and who i want to be. i want to be my own hope, because what and who else will you have to hold onto besides yourself? before talking about this, j-hope mentioned that he started embodying the BTS version of him. j-hope always said “i’m your hope” and he said that he believes there is no distinction between j-hope and jung ho seok because when he kept being hopeful as j-hope, it kind of just rubbed off on jung hoseok too. it’s like, the more hopeful you are, the firmer your grasp onto hope is. this is why i’ve decided to hold onto my own sense of hope: hoping that i do get a better future, hoping that i do grow into a better version of me. suga also discussed the phrase “it happens” and honestly i’ve been trying to live through that phrase. i remember always asking myself the past few months “why did it have to happen to me?”, “do i deserve everything im going through right now?”. when i got into self-reflection, the first statement i remembered was “it happens”, and that’s true. we have no telling of why or how things happened, but what we do know is that it did. there’s no other way we can deal with it other than having to move on and let go from what’s holding us back (e.g. me holding myself back from growing out of my developed pessimism), because again, it happens. taehyung was the one who said “i’m happy seeing the members happy” and i feel like that also contributed a lot to help me find myself again. it reminded me of who i was and how i used to be so hopeful, being an advocate for others and of course being an optimist. i’ve felt cheated by life the past few months that i grew selfish. i have every right for selfishness but there were moments when i exuded that in the wrong situations. of course, i have every right to be selfish after what my ex had done to me before, during and after our relationship. however, i shouldn’t be selfish all the time. there are times when this world requires selflessness and i really want to embody that again, because selfishness honestly isn’t cute. 

despite adopting an optimistic mindset, i think there should be an emphasis on being realistic too. i’d like to call this as optimistic realism but i honestly don’t know what im talking about hahaha. i can describe this as holding onto a more positive attitude towards things, situations, and people, but also keeping things realistic. you could treat people without having to consider the thought of them having underlying anger or hatred towards you (this is being optimistic in my opinion), but also approach them without expectations (realistic). expectations might be the biggest heartbreak of them all in my opinion, however, we really cannot blame ourselves for holding onto them. we have every right to expect from people who we really should be expecting from. (like how i expected my ex to straighten the fuck up but im a clown). the expectations im referring to though are the ones that are too much from people who can possibly be just temporary in our lives. like i’ve mentioned earlier, when you expect people to reciprocate the same energy you give them. this is an unfair expectation because not all people are like you. you know how people say we all have different love languages? i think it goes that way. i was bummed a few friends didn’t message me a happy birthday, but whenever i mentioned them in things or whenever i said something alarming on social media, they always replied or they always checked up on me. with the person i’m trying to be, i want to be able to acknowledge these things too because the small things matter. 

i think im rambling at this point, but i hope i got my thoughts across. 

i’ve actually put off from writing because i became too critical of how i wrote. right now, even though im just typing out my thoughts, i initially wanted to sort them out and organize the ideas and things i had to say. then i reminded myself that if i continue restricting myself into such trivial matters, i wouldn’t be able to grow and find out who i really am, what makes me comfortable. i find out writing without organization is freeing honestly, just like what i’m doing right now. 

i’m gonna write a new post on social anxiety in a few minutes because i have a lot to say lol. sorry if the ideas i presented in this text post are too unorganized. figure it out with reading comprehension mwa

[fentonizer]

Achievement from the comfort of your pyjamas

Horizon Zero Dawn is a “good game.”

Strap in, folks.

Horizon Zero Dawn is peak “video games.” It is all things to all people. It is an open-world, action-adventure-rpg with resource gathering, crafting and stealth mechanics.

If you were to send one game into space so that if an alien civilisation found it they would know what human beings thought video games were all about, then Horizon Zero Dawn would be it.

None of this is praise, by the way. Not really. If you asked me to give it a score I would say that the game gets seven points out of ten points. Or I would say that it gets three and a half stars out of five stars. Or I would say that it gets sixty-eight percent (because the number sixty-nine is a meme and should be avoided in these circumstances).

Let’s take a step back. Let’s talk about open world games in general.

Open world games are a genre of video game that are as popular as they are maligned. Like most genres (of any medium), it’s kind of hard to pin down key facets that a game has to have to be open world, but I’ll try- if instead of walking the circuitous ground level path to your objective, you awkwardly try to jump up steep hills, trying to catch a piece of geometry your character can stand on, there’s a good chance you’re playing an open world game.

OK, let’s take another step back. Video games are an interactive medium. the most popular games are about either sports or shooting people with weapons. Conflict, basically. Conflict is inherently the easiest thing to make a game about as you can lose, so it’s easy to give the player a lose-condition and therefore motivation.

There are other ways to motivate the player, of course. You can tell them that there are one-hundred of a thing and they have to find a lot of them, if not all of them. This is a pretty base motivation. You could put something really difficult in the game, something that takes study and mastery to succeed at. The problem with this is that it’s much harder to make a system like that than it is to put one-hundred of a thing in a space.

Open world games often rely a lot on finding lots of a thing. I don’t know how I can say this without being rude, but open world games are generally a time sink. Without a well crafted world that you want to see, there’s no more depth in finding one-hundred of a thing in a hedge maze, or block of flats. Moreover, the only difference between an open-world game like this, and a linear story based game (something like The Last Of Us, which is more similar than you’d think) is the extracurricular padding.

Experience points is another good one to motivate people. Start at level 1, kill an enemy, get 10 experience points. Get 100 experience points and you can get to level 2, and then you’ll be strong enough to fight the thing that gives you 12exp. Get to level 5 and you'll have enough points to learn a new skill! Pretty great, huh?

Crafting is good as well. There’s a very popular game called Minecraft that, as well as lots of mining, had lots of crafting. You get some wood and that makes sticks and planks, and with some sticks and planks you can make a shitty pickaxe that can get you a few stone. Some stone gets you a better pickaxe and then you can mine coal and turn enough stone into a furnace, put the coal in it and smelt copper, and so on. The player is enticed by a branching tree of options as they find more and more things, and they are encouraged to explore and forage to build up supplies of these items.

Horizon Zero Dawn has all of this, which is why people like it. Problem is, it never gets out of the kiddie end of the pool with it. It’s the base level amount of a system, and it’s obvious how shallow it is after an hour (that’s why I said “kiddie end of the pool” because that’s the shallow end. Please fund more of this writing on Patreon).

Crafting is just some of a thing to get more space to carry stuff. That’s it. Then you can stop crafting. Levelling up gives you 10 more hit points, and 1 skill point to spend on a skill tree that is basically useless beyond 5 incredible skills that make the game a cake-walk (Double arrows/triple arrows/sneak attack/better stealth/more resources). There’s no weapon customisation beyond some modifications, but there’s no strategy here, just find the best ones (purple, because fucking obviously) and slot them in.

The story is the usual “chosen-one” power fantasy that gets bonus points for at least being about a woman. Robots threaten the world, oh no. Try to stop them ok? Second act (hugely telegraphed) plot revelation, third act triumph, post credits sequel bait. Knocked that shit out in a weekend, mate. It doesn't successfully say anything or mean anything to anyone, despite trying very hard to send a message about the dangers of hubris, or trees being super. If anything, the takeaway message is that humanity is a collection of bumbling savages and should have been consigned to extinction at the first opportunity.

To be fair, games are about systems. At least, all the games people play, are about systems. Maybe, if you want a good story, then do something like read a book, you fucker. A good story in a game is hard to come by, mostly because it’s very difficult to mesh an interactive medium with linear story telling (and even harder to do non-linear story telling).

Systems and mechanics are what keep people hooked, and differentiate the medium. But a game where the systems and mechanics can ultimately be “solved” are boring. This is the best weapon combo, this is the best armour, these are the best mods for the best weapons and best armour.

There’s some good time to be had with the gameplay, as you learn the combat. You can scan enemies and see their components, and you have you actually learn how to fight things. They’re not simply big bubbles of hit points, with a red spot on them that does double damage. There’s fuel tanks you can rupture, or you can shoot off their weapons, or tie them down, or lure them into traps, or apply statuses. And that’s fun! it really is. At least three of the aforementioned three and a half stars I would give this game come from fighting things.

The combat is good because you have to learn how to be good at it. You have to have a plan and an approach. You can’t waltz in with you spear and start whacking shit as you will lose, and personally I think that’s great. Well, fighting the machines anyway. Fighting humans is a clumsy mess, as they are actually blobs of HP with a head that takes lots of damage.

The rest of the game makes me super sad though, because it’s full of all these gamer-contrivances. It’s full of real menial shit that is only in there because most gamers (at least the most vocal ones) are time-rich kids who need something to do. So give them exp to grind, give them a map full of shit to tick off a list, none of which does anything.

Give them main story quests, side story quests, AND THEN errand type quests. Make them walk to a place, start a quest, walk to another place to talk to a person, click the now mandatory button that highlights the things you need to interact with before going to a third place to kill some dudes, before finally going back to the first person who tells you “thanks” and then to fuck off as dispassionately as the whole affair started.

Make every ledge the player character can climb obvious so when you need to scale something vertically, you’re just doing a dot-to-dot that is impossible to fail. And then make other waist-high walls insurmountable because whoever was meant to come around and paint this edge in worn white paint didn’t get here yet.

The world is large but ultimately uninteresting. There’s no sense of place or sufficient landmarks to encourage you to learn where you’re going. You rely entirely on fast travel and the numerous on-screen arrows to get around, never once did I feel lost or small, I felt the opposite. I felt like the centre of the universe, I felt like the whole place was built just for me. Which, again, comes down to the bizarre decision to make climbable objects so obvious, it breaks my immersion, because “a creator” has clearly done something.

It makes me sad, genuinely sad, because this is a “good video game.” People like it because of these things, not in spite of them. They like it because they can sit down for 3 or 4 hours and they will feel like they've achieved something... All I see, for the most part, is the total waste of time that video games are. They are the illusion of progression and achievement. They are the chips of the cultural world; objectively better than nothing at all, but ultimately of no value. No amount of “Triple-Cooked” BS is going to stop them from just being chips (triple cooked = triple-A, support me on Patreon).

If this is the height of games, if this is a masterpiece, then we truly are doomed. We don’t need to strive for better, for more meaning in our games, what we need is a dozen shallow systems that a player can indulge themselves in between school, work and masturbation breaks. That’s what gets the big bucks after all, a psychological trick-room where you’re lauded for “achievement” from the comfort of your pyjamas. You did it! Who’s good player?! It’s you! Yes it is!

And I know, I am being hugely elitist, this is a personal attack on you and the thing you like, and that makes me reprehensible. Maybe I’m just doing this to be contrarian or to be noticed. If this game had gotten bad reviews, I’d say I loved it.

A lot of people put a lot of hard work into this game and I respect that. It frequently looks stunning and... well, I don’t want to delve into consumer advice as a deflection here. It’s fine. The game is fine. It’s a fine game. Did I feel tested or challenged, did I feel I had to improve myself to overcome? Rarely. Do I feel like I learned something, anything, about the world, myself, my fellow man, or even anything about “video games?” No.

7/10. 3.5 Stars. 68%.

[enginnerbabu-blog]

Tech Geeky fellas – Forget traditional, time to go AGILE to celebrate this Valentine’s week

Hi to all the geeky fellas, quirky personalities and insane coders and each one of those who lives, eats and dreams the world of IT. Today, I am not going to deluge my insight identified with this industry but instead give you a set of advice. All things considered, at present some you are caught up with wanting to take care of your valentine’s week and buck-up your confidence to chase down a lovely young lady whom you adore a lot. Are you the one whose mind stops processing, the system gets hung, and system crashes out of the blue just because of a beautiful face with a set of dark eyes? Geeks like us often face the problems of “Dude, are we going to be single again this Valentine?”. At that point my companion, your framework needs to get an antivirus asap. No stresses, I am here.

We as a whole know about the way that nowadays the Waterfall method for a Software Development Lifecycle (SDLC) is getting obsolete and AGILE framework is the new in. Yes, the conventional method for executing the activities of our customers are obsolete, and the industry is setting up new upgraded benchmarks by fusing AGILE system for SDLC.

All in all, you may ponder that why the hell am I discussing the differences between these two methods and what it needs to do with Valentine’s week? Indeed, I have some AGILE approaches to approach this current Valentine’s week and help you win a war over your relationship goals.

Along these lines, here are a couple of analogies you should consider on the genuine note.

1. PLANNING – The ROSE DAY (7th February):

It’s customary and undeniable that a boy or a girl thinks about this day. There is nothing superior, to begin with, flowers, and if it’s a rose, gosh you don’t need to think further. So, always start with baby steps. It is all about “Detailed Planning”, where you do have a prior idea about how to approach your crush. And as they say, ‘The first impression is the last impression’. Well, have you heard about the famous childhood romantic duo, where the guy gifted his girl a bouquet of ‘chicken nuggets’ instead of flowers? Deliciously romantic, isn’t it?

2. ANALYSIS – PROPOSE DAY (8th February):

I don’t have the foggiest idea about how numerous hearts soften up during this 24 hour period and how many of them turn into sadness. So, here what you would do is “Detailed Analysis”. You have to be a spy (try being Sherlock, because he is the best in terms of deducing and sexy too) to the person you want to propose. Don’t be biased or jump over to conclusions, after all, it’s not a case to solve, it’s just an approach. Oh yes and once you would propose to your would-be girlfriend/boyfriend, then begins the after-math. You will have to analyse the possibilities of a YES or a NO, (as your engineering brain will work 100 times faster than it had while you were appearing for your engineering exams. All of a sudden Einstein’s spirit enters your body to calculate every minor detail). Look straight into their eyes and tell them honestly about your feelings for them. Okay, as-of-now you can stop staring into the mirror like that.

3. DESIGN – Chocolate Day (9th February):

Uhuuuu, young ladies simply adore chocolates. They go gaga about chocolates. In any case, believe me, there are young ladies who cherish books, espressos and a comfortable place to sit. Chocolates are the ultimate weapon to win them over. There are pizzas and panipuris as well. You could have a go at it by gifting them with a box of pizza straight from the wood-fire stoves, hot-n-fresh. So, this third step will help you design your project. Once analysed you’ll get to know each other much better. Till now you thought that “She loved chocolates”, but now you know that “She loves panipuris too”. In this way, you can be the Michelangelo of your own relationship. Sculpt it the way you want. Trust me; it’ll reflect that appeal in your relationship.

4. DEVELOPMENT – Teddy Day (10th February):

Who doesn’t love to embrace, hope and respect that soft and delicate as-plume stuffed bear? Girls value their excellent recollections of their awesome childhood spent with this toy. Well, I am not asking you to be her “TEDDY BEAR” on which she can jump upon, rather I am asking you to gift her one. But, the idea of you being her teddy is fascinating enough, isn’t it? Imagine the way she’ll cuddle you, pull your cheeks, hug you and probably jump over (Uh, did the last one hurt you?). Hence, what I am trying to say is gifting her the world’s most desired toy i.e. a Teddy Bear, at least she’ll take you out for a dinner-date. You never know.

5. TESTING – Promise Day (11th February):

What better way to knock out the possibilities of odds in your relationship with a trustworthy promise? No, dude not the “I will bring the stars and the moon for you” promise. Even, Christopher Nolan couldn’t do it in his film (Interstellar). So, make promises that you can abide yourself with for a lifetime with her. “Promises are meant to be broken” is just a pun we share with our friends, don’t get serious. Win the trust of your partner. Mean every promise you ever made since you met her. Follow your promises of change whenever and wherever your relationship requires it.

6. RELEASE – HUG Day (12th February):

There are circumstances and conditions that are created or happen between any kind of relationships. “Jadoo Ki happy” ie: after all tight hug, is the best healing agent on this planet. Doesn’t mean you go and hug your hot-looking professor because she is annoyed with your late submissions. You are an Engineering, after all; you know the after-effects of this, don’t you? In some cases, just a hug is all that could be needed to clarify the matter. Furthermore, believe me, nothing is more consoling than a hug.

7. MAINTENANCE – Kiss Day (13th February):

Predictably, this is the most famous day of this entire week. Stop pouting at the moment and focus on what am I saying. You can practise the type of kiss later. This day is not about going over to your girl, meeting her and making out. It’s something more than that. So, don’t be in a hurry, give time to your partner to feel comfortable and more secured with you and then try to take this step. She is not a bait; she is your life-partner. After-all, it’s a festival of love and affection. Try not to over-think it.

8. The Valentine’s Day (14th February):

So, this is basically the moment-of-truth day. The only day when guys have their confidence level more than the temperature of an erupting volcano. You feel as if you are in an ‘IRONMAN’ suit. But, it is a special day too. You should be your best and perfect to her. Essentially, this current valentine’s day doesn’t take after the customary ways, go your own specific manner. Discover yourself and in particular be familiar and unpretentious in whatever you need to do to win her heart. Try not to make stories, express it in a reasonable dialect. Not everybody comprehends poetry and ballads, in fact they suck a big deal when you don’t get even a word outta it. In this way, this time, don’t go formal, go AGILE.

So pals, just be that badass-hero and win her heart over.

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