#i am currently doing overtime at work (first time in 18 years here they have offered it) and have a back injury so you could say

[mypheralside]

Humans Eng Subs - Episode 2 Released

Humans episode 2 eng sub is now done, you can find the file on subscene here: https://subscene.com/subtitles/humans-perfect-robot-wan-mei-xin-ji-ren/english/3063956 or watch with hardsubs on Dramacool here: https://dramacool.cy/humans-2021-episode-2.html

Masterpost: https://www.tumblr.com/mypheralside/713339681219166208/humans-2021-cdrama-eng-subs-links-masterpost

Spoiler-free note from this ep subs: There is a convo with a boss and his worker about bringing in laid-off employees for training on weekends... that convo? It makes no sense in Chinese either. I even checked with a friend who is a native speaker to make sure. Makes no sense!

[hallasimss]

— introducing: abhilash raavi, young adult. ( he/they ) ( @rainymoodlet - kiss me in komorebi+ entry. ) for your information this post tried to delete itself twice via my browser crashing and then kept giving me error messages whenever i tried to post. thankfully i back up all my sh*t but it was a struggle i tell you so have him!!! and take care of him pls he's my best boi and very fragile. also excuse any sentences that do not make sense, i am not Englishing properly today an edit bc i am dumb and left this out: i maxed out all of their "likes" slots so i cannot list everything here but it will be in the tray! just in case you were wondering where it went rip

* biography.

nickname. — Abhi age. — 31 (August 7th, 1992, Leo; my young adults tend to fall within the range of 18-35) birthstone. — peridot, ruby (Hindu calendar) faceclaim ref. — Abhilash Vadada height. — 5'9" (176 cm) sexual orientation. — bisexual gender identity. — questioning mbti. — isfj (the Nurturer) traits. — shutterbug (custom mod, included), child of the ocean, cat & dog lover, music lover, vegetarian, morning sim skills. — photography, knitting and wellness mastered, singing, piano and violin level 9. fitness and komorebigo level 7 (custom mod, optional), logic and cooking level 5, charisma, comedy and rock climbing level 1 native languages. — tartosiano (custom mod, optional), telugu, simlish aspiration. — renowned photographer (custom mod, included), lord of the knits (completed) lifestyles. — close knit, outdoorsy current occupation. — freelance photographer a native of Tartosa and an only child born to a single parent/immigrant, Abhilash has always had to work just a little bit harder than the rest to achieve his goals. but whether it was snatching bits and pieces of lessons from the music tutor in town or convincing the boss for his summer job to let him do overtime on the weekends so he could use the weekdays for studying through high school, somehow he found a way to get it done. all of that eventually paid off, though, and after getting accepted to (and graduating at the top of his class from) Britechester with a distinguished degree in Fine Art, pursuing his studies in order to have a future career in orchestral work and composition seemed like the most natural next step. an accident shortly after, however—one that resulted in the partial loss of hearing in one ear—brought those plans to a halt, and after their physician suggested against going into music full time, Abhilash fell back on an old passion of theirs; photography. a few well timed snaps within the past few years may have only now brought them into the limelight, with a tidy 12.5k followers on Simstagram, but they would consider themselves anything but a celebrity. (their assistant is still trying to convince them that that one star means more than they think.) still, he makes it work, this newfound fame, splitting his time between running his own small business as a fashion and wedding photographer and exploring his various hobbies. he was hesitant at first after his best friend, Gulab, surprised him with plane tickets and a filled out form, but with everything else in his life gradually falling into place, he figures he might as well give this a chance and see where it goes—regardless of the fact that he may just be more than slightly terrified at the idea of opening himself up to a new relationship. (and if it fails, well, there's always their best friend to blame for that.)

* things to know.

not everyone can say they've dated their best friend and had the relationship come out intact on the other end, but Abhi considers himself one of the lucky ones—he and Gulab may have, uh... f*cked around with each other during their college days as part of a dare, and then for several years after that as well. the upside to all of this? they both realized they were very, very much bisexual. the downside? they both realized they were very, very much romantically incompatible with each other. despite the breakup, both are still close, and Abhi regularly keeps in touch with Gulab and his partner since the latter moved to Komorebi. (and as for Gulab? he would be lying if he said that he didn't sign them up for the show just so they could stop by and visit in case things didn't go as planned.) despite his apparent love of jewelry (as is evidenced by his extensive receipt history *cough*), Abhi has no piercings except the stud on his left nostril—several bad experiences in college during his attempts to pierce his ears (in all fairness, it was the artist's fault and the scars never did heal properly afterwards) firmly turned him off from the idea of getting anymore anywhere else, and he compensates by layering on the bracelets and rings. if you bribe them with enough chocolate, however, you may be able to convince them to get that septum piercing they've been putting off for ages. (we're going to pretend i didn't write this entire section bc the ear presets i had for him were literally incompatible with every single earring in my CAS library sksksk) unlike the piercings, his love of tattoos seemed to have fared better—to date, Abhi is in possession of several, including (but not necessarily limited to) two small botanic tattoos done on his left foot during a trip with his first ex-girlfriend (no initials, thank goodness), a Ganesha tattoo on the inside of his right wrist as a buddy to Gulab's Om tattoo in the same spot, a full back snake piece, and (his personal favorite but as of yet incomplete) lightning bolt ensemble. next on their list? a memento of their mother's handwriting. although his dreams of becoming a world-famous musician may have been placed on the backburner (or taken off of it entirely) Abhi still plays both piano and violin, sings and composes as a hobby—recently, they were contacted by a recording studio interested in their rendition of Vaughn-Williams' The Lark Ascending, and just before that performed at a charity concert for an orphanage. they haven't decided whether to take the studio up on the offer just yet, but the joy of being able to continue to polish their skills—something that immediately after the accident would have been considered impossible—is enough for them. when he's not taking photos or working on his music, Abhi is proud to say that he has quite the stash of knitted projects in his arsenal—no matter how many times he's fallen prey to the curse of the boyfriend sweater (or in his case, more girlfriends than boyfriends), you'll mostly find him starting up another one in his free time, usually while curled up on the couch watching his favorite movies and ugly crying whenever the saddest parts come on. (and no, despite his love of any and all Indian cinema he can possibly get his hands on, he still hasn't seen the end of Kal Ho Naa Ho. do with that what you will, but that's probably for the best.) if you ask nicely, they'll be more than happy to give film recommendations, and if you ask them what they're making? prepare to be swamped with excited chatter (and possibly fitted for measurements, just so they can go shopping for materials all over again).

ps: pls also have these full length versions of the headshot photos of Abhi, taken by Gulab when they stepped outside in the park for two seconds bc the latter insisted on taking 'proper business shots' when he visited last year—Abhi isn't wearing his hearing aid bc he forgot to put it back in after a (rather indulgent) practice session (his approach is something like this, last section), but he does come with it included sksksksk

[mischeviousthings]

• 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Hello hello! My name is Johanna I’ve been writing/ role playing since 2015 and this is my first time rping in tumblr let’s see how this goes </3. I’m currently 22 years old so minors if you’re seeing this please leave as I will be posting mature contents on here. I’m very nice but don’t push it, I will block you other than that welcome <3! I’ll possibly rant about my day on here too as long as my characters. I’m mostly 𝙢𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 fan girl about hyunjin and k-pop members that I truly like so beware of my behavior sksksksk ( IM JOKING…. maybe 🌝 )

• 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐢 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭: as I mentioned before I will be posting mature content here as long as with violence ( depends on what ocs I will be posting .) if you’re a minor I’d advise you not to follow as I don’t want to get deleted plus I’m an adult id prefer to write with people that are 18+. I will be posting stuff that will be triggering to others I don’t have much triggers the only trigger I have is animal abuse and the “ r “ word. If my posts are triggering please feel free to unfollow ♡︎.

• 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐦 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞: please note that I won’t be able to respond to you right away as I do work from mon-Friday from 6:am pst to 2:30pst that’s when I’m offline so please don’t spam me or be rude for not being online as I do tend to burn out easily there’s peak seasons for me since I work in a retail warehouse meaning I’d be getting out from 6:am pst to 4:30pst ( that’s when I’ll post when my overtime is near ) like I said before I tend to burn out please bear with me with replies <3.

• 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: I have characters form a website from q:

so with that being said I’ll be posting about them stay tuned on that one! I might add more characters in future on here so please be tuned of that as well <3. Anyways imma stop yapping bye! ✌🏼

[imagines-to-quench-thirst]

give me 2 lifelines

Loki Laufeyson x female reader x Nuada (SMUT)

Anon asked: I don’t know if you’re familiar with Prince Nuada from Hellboy but I was wondering if you could do a piece that’s Prince Loki and Prince Nuada fighting over Fem Reader but end up sharing her. Lots of angst and NSFW content. I love a good sub/Dom dynamic. It would be AMAZING if you could whip something up 😊🥰❤️

SMUT AHEAD, 18+, sir/king kink, threesome MMF, dominant vibes,ah, you know the drill

!WARNING! THIS IS MY FIRST THREESOME WRITING IF IT'S BAD, PLEASE, BE GENTLE WITH ME! (p.s if you like it support me with a KOFI)

I am not the best at grammar so if there are any mistakes, sorry! Now, enjoy!

"Tell me about him."

"About who, Loki?"

"Your past lover with the fairly peculiar name."

"Nuada? Why?"

"You said his name yesterday in your sleep, dove."

"Sorry."

"Why for? Now, was he comparable to me?"

She giggles "A little. He held himself to the same elevated royal regard like you."

"Oh."

"But that was his downfall."

"Oh..."

"That was years ago. I am certain he forgot about me. I love you."

"I love you too, princess. However, you are untrue about one thing."

"About what?"

"Whoever you cross paths with, you leave an irreplaceable print on their lives. I am sure that Nu-a-da feels the same."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Nuada..." her words echoed off the magical glass and into his ears picking up the sad tone his eyes picking up only the cold wall he faced. "I am leaving. I need to go back Hellboy told me that being in this world is bad for me I need to go back to MY home. I will NOT see you again."

He stands up seeing the form of his former lover disappear in gold flakes with his hand raised. "Y/n.'"her desperate name befalls off his lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nuada stands up walking towards his today's visitor, his twin sister. Nuala. "Brother." he retorted "Sister."

Her hand reaches her chest. The thin fabric mashing into her narrow fingers. "I feel a tremendous distress from you."

"Ha, that gloom followed me when you betrayed me for the big red rock." he argued his attitude spiteful.

Nuala shakes her head "No, this sadness is beyond comparison. Unexplainable." she refuted moving closer to the shield her hand on the magical glass."This is heartbreak. For a certain being." Nuada's eyes gazing at her eyeing her mouth "For a human girl." His eyes twitched.

"That is forgone now. My actions are-" she cuts him off "-Are empty. Wanting nothing more than to have her back your arms wanting to do to everything and comprise everything to be with her. Since no price is too imperial for her."

"Enough!"

His turmoil echoed in the cell his kin standing her hand moving through the glass, his eyes cleared in shock.

"You could have run but you didn't, your powers exceed far more than mine. But you stayed for her, to pay the dues and to show in front of her a new creature. A new man how the humans would say."

Nuada walks striding out of the cell inquiring her with a breathless "Why?"

Nuala only cackles giving a minor shudder "Go... Find her."

Nuada steps off the stairs and moves out of the prison. His silver hair lifting off in the air that breezed through the long stands she caressed each night before they slept. His eyes that Y/n swore were made from molten gold searched into the area searching for his swords. His steps falling silent as he hears a small swish of magic, he turns to find a portal laced with green hues. He looks at the portal seeing no one only hearing the faint whisper of someone he yeared for.

"I am telling you. Bruce would manage to lift the hammer if he was in the elevator. No one can change my mind."

Y/N.

With no attending thoughts in his brain, his legs strode in front of him and into the portal that lured him so deceivingly in. The thick air that resided in his lungs was no more as he saw the same room he used to sneak in. The same cabinet he stubs his toe too many times and the small long mirror that was placed on the wall in front of the bed. He was here. Nuada was present in Y/N's room. The door opens and he sees her... and she sees him as the loud clang of swords fall from his pale blue hands. Y/n's steps coming to a halt. In front of her stood the former lover, the hair she kissed and braided was now much longer almost touching his buttcheeks the high cheekbones still current as ever the same markings on his skin stayed.

"Nuada? Wh-what are you doing here?"

She doesn't know how to acknowledge knowing that her present lover will come by any time soon. Her mind belonged to Loki. But what about her heart? Was there still room for Nuada to stand proud in?

"She told me to see you. She felt my eternal heartbreak that was left between us."

He steps closer, his hands reaching for her, her holding hands daily not yet remembering how rough he was. Y/N froze. There was no better way to explain it. Her brain worked overtime like a hamster in a wheel while her heart thudded in her ears and throat.

"I don't know what to say. We broke up. ever since you went to prison."

"I want to remove that, that memory. Seeing your face in vast anguish was something never I desired for."

Y/n flinches as her hands move away from his. Retorting with a small sigh "Still, we can not be together, Nuada, I am from a different world. Remember what Abe said:

"If you say here for too long your body will not manage to live here. It will kill itself slowly and who knows maybe that portal which you travel through will not open one day and you will lose all your loved ones."

"You can not stay here Nuada. You need to go back."

She wanted to shift away but his warmth and his authentic hands gradually and agonizingly pulled her in, her head resting on his shoulder. They stayed like that in silence while Nuada explains himself "My jewel, will you let me rewrite the wrongs of my life? Will you let me come back in and try to find the peace that you carry within you. I am lost without you?"

Y/n derides as her hand nudges against his chest tears probing outside of her eyes "What do you think felt like? When I came back after you were taken I had to rebuild myself, my job which I lost as I was traveling too much between realms and had to mask it. I had very bad thoughts that took a toll on me. you cannot ask for me to 'open my heart and welcome you with open arms. If it wasn't for Loki-"

"-Who is Loki?"

"My current BOYFRIEND. My lover."

Nuada footed back not even thinking that maybe she moved on with her life and found love with another. He didn't think how much damage he did to her heart that was already harmed.

"And who are you, stranger?" Loki's voice stirs through Y/n's ears and Nuada's, as well as both of them, turn to the god himself.

"Loki!" Y/n moved towards him already fearing what he thought "Nothing happened, I swear."

His finger reaches up to her cheek caressing the supple skin as she leans into his warm touch momentary closing her eyes. Not going unnoticed by the long-haired creature himself. "I know, lover. It is alright." he strides past her walking towards Nuada his green suit being slightly knowledgeable to Nuada.

"Have you-" "I assure you stranger, we are meeting for the first time. What is your name? What are you called?"

"Prince Nuada."

Loki swivels to Y/n "So that is him. dove? Perplexing..." Loki gazes at the creature noticing his marks on his body while his hand points to the marks "Are you a warrior? A bad one?" he grins seeing the small twitch in Nuada's eyebrow.

"I have spoken before my title is that of a prince. And what are you?"

"I am a God."

Loki walks back to Y/n holding her hand in his own bringing it up to his lips giving it the small peck she needs to zone back into reality and feel the gravity of this situation.

"Shall we?" "Yes..."

Nuada gazes and he feels the words jump out "I WILL DO ANYTHING TO BE WITH YOU, MY JEWEL!" they both halt turning to look at the elf "My pride is nothing compared to that to be kissed by your lips and to be filled by your love."

"Nuada, please... Stop this."

Nuada was a dominant creature of pride his name was not to be said without a shiver running down the spine of the person who said his name. The dangerous exterior and the harsh demeanor changed as Nuada kneeled, his pride stowed away not to see the light of this day.

"I still love her. She STILL possesses my heart."

Loki chuckles while he resolves, holding Y/n's hand

"What can we do about it? She has my heart as well."

Y/n subsisted in surprise staying between two of the same coin not already feeling the familiar tinge of arousal going through her body. Loki turns to Nuada indicating with a grin.

"Let us share her."

"Loki!!!"

He turns back to her kissing her lips saying in a bare hum "What else do you want me to do dove? You can see who much he IS willing to go through just to have a taste of your nectar. We can stop if that is what you wish for."

Y/n gasped out feeling Nuada pressed flush against her backside his hand traveling across her back.

"No."

"Then it's determined."

Loki looked at Y/n flushed eyes her iris almost despairing while she felt Nuada's long lost lips on her neck kissing and attending to her every carnal need she was deprived of. Loki took no more than a second to unbutton her shirt as she moaned at his cold fingers "No, use your magic." she barely managed to say it.

Loki takes it into account snapping his fingers as Y/n's, Nuada's, and Loki's clothes despair off of them leaving them naked. Nuada snatched her back onto the bed letting her softly sit down as Loki went behind her letting her rest her head on his abs. Nuada one more kneels looking solely at Y/n's

"May, I taste you, my jewel?" she nods as Nuada lets his lips open his tongue coming out and landing softly at the bottom of her folds tracing slowly up hearing her moans that he missed dearly. Loki kept an eye on her seeing her head drop against his stomach her eyes shut closed while her nipples begged for him to attend to them. His hands glided down giving her a message turning the nubs softly following the rhythm of Nuada's pace. As Nuada went up he found the one thing that gave her the nickname she carries for him his finger gently removing the fold and showing her clit "My only jewel." he mused seeing the deep red blush on her cheeks her eyes squinting not wanting to show her full-blown eyes his lips land around her clit sucking the delicate nerve bundle pulling slowly back giving her more depth to her passion. As her moans filled the room, Nuada HAD to rut his hips into the edge of the mattress wishing for just some sort of friction he craved for. Loki was nothing different either.

Y/n could feel his tip at the bottom of her head hard and quivering in rhythm with her moans each of the being anguish.

"I am close."

Loki answers sternly "Nuada, stop."

Nuada obediently ends peeking at the God, knowing he needs to play nice or otherwise he won't feel Y/n around him. "Let's fill her. Would you like that my beautiful Queen?"

"Yes." she rasped out "Yes, what?" "Yes, My King."

"Now, turn on your stomach. Nuada, we will swap our positions."

Nuada asks trying to hold still some ropes of authority "When will I feel her?"

Loki walks to him grabbing his chin forcefully "You, prince, will have your turn but for now, you will get her sacred mouth. Do you mind that Y/n?"

Y/n shakes her head between the power play that was in front of her "No."

Nuada kneels on the bed seeing Y/n beneath him, his cock twitched wanting nothing more than to take her and kill the god that was playing the power play over his royal birthright. Loki stood at the bed seeing her slick wet and pulling, taking his member into his hand pushing in, giving Nuada the head nod as Nuada places his cock in Y/n's mouth feeling her tongue beneath his cock while he slid further down listening to the audible gag reflex.

Y/n didn't know how to explain being throat fucked by a former King of Elf's and being fucked by a God of Mischief, feeling her both holes stretched with no remorse... And thriving in the fantasy.

"Can I move, pet?" Loki begged as he hears the audible Mhh from the bottom of her mouth. Jerking back from her pussy the tight walls would want nothing more than to hold him inside as Nuada continued to feel every inch of her mouth.

"Now, ah, Y/n your rule. You are not to cum until myself and Nuada cum inside you. You understand?"

At the command, she felt a powerful shiver in her body as rather of her voice her body replied as she became wetter at the demand. Loki chuckles as he looks at Nuada seeing his hand in Y/n's hair griping guiding her to a pace he knew she could take.

"Are you alright with that, Nuada? Having her being filled by mine and your seed."

"Yes. I can't wait to see her filled with our milk."

A few more thrusts and the men that were subdued at her body came. Y/n trying to hold in her orgasm. Loki pulls out feeling the cold air on his warm cock. While Nuada pulled slowly seeing her mouth full with his cum her eyes teary.

"Thank you... Sir," she said as a small smile was on Y/n's face. Loki looks at the two of them chuckling "She is all yours, Nuada." Loki and Nuada once more switch places as Loki attentively wipes the mix of drool and saliva pushing it back into her mouth giving her a sloppy kiss.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, my King." she smiled. Nuada feels inching his cock to her folds pushing in. Her walls clutching at the tip he halts feeling the mix of Loki's cum and her own giving him silenced in. Closing her eyes she feels Loki's hand travel past her breasts, stomach and halting at her clit playfully flicking it.

"Loki!" she cries as the nerves shock her. "Do you like it, while play with your jewel while Nuada is thrusting in you, hopefully breeding a child in your womb, Y/n? Do you like it? To have a child and to share it with me and Nuada as fathers?"

"Yes!!! Nuada, fill me up well! Places!" the level she stooped to screen to out she didn't know she had it in her. Nuada thrust feeling her pull him only further in her walls clutching him for all she is worth. Loki pulls his hand back seeing the tears stream down Y/n's cheek.

"Do you wish to cum pet?" "Yes!"

Loki looks at Nuada seeing him give a nod and he responds "Then cum."

One more time and y/n doesn't see her lover only a white light as her orgasm rolled out of her. Talia felt Nuada ruts his hips into hers and as he slowly pulled out she felt full and replenished with their cum something filthy felt so powerful.

Wow, need holy water on my eyes. thanks for reading. tell me what you think. Hope you liked it.

[alluringjae]

queen of hearts - sjn

summary: for the first time, one of your star students hasn’t been fetched right after class. but when she finally does, you weren’t expecting such a fine man to be her father.

pairing: johnny x female reader

word count: 5.5k

genre: fluff, romance, comedy | ceo and single dad!johnny + ballerina!reader + modern day!au

warnings: mentions of an absent parent, johnny being an overthinker, sexual innuendos (ten saying dilf hehe), slight explicit language, technical terms of ballet, a mini reference to mean girls

author’s note: sooo i came in touch with my former dance life, which led me to write this. there are links for the variations i used; their names are underlined when they’re mentioned. i am going to get technical with ballet terms here (even when my ballet knowledge decreased), so to any dancers reading, i really did my best, so please don’t come for me or do correct me for any mistakes.

although one character and her dance background, plus the name of the setting, are real, everything else about it is still a work of fiction.

i miss dancing, no cap.

leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

Ballet student and teacher by day, a soloist of the Korean National Ballet at night.

This was your daily routine, and it wasn’t the typical 8-5. But it’s debatable whether or not it was worse, because you’re always going overtime. That’s the thing when you’re an overachiever. Nonetheless, you loved what you do. It’s the lifestyle you gradually built since your preschool days.

Mornings on the weekdays were mostly vacant since all the kids were still in school. You’d start at 10 am for a warm-up class for the company. Before you delved into teaching and assisting, you’d train right after your lunch break. Partnering class, en pointe class, 1-on-1 sessions with choreographers, self-practice, then the company night class, that’s the organization of your week.

Now adding the teacher title, you mostly handled kindergartners to 5th graders in the academy aspect of the company. Your first teaching class would start at 1 pm. It’s when the younger students who finished their morning classes zoom into your assigned dance studio. One class would last an hour and a half, then you have a 30-minute break in between another class with the older kids. Their lesson repertoire was more strenuous due to the added across-the-floor lessons and jumps. Water was always your best friend, water refilling stations located everywhere in the company building.

You wouldn’t say you’re a strict teacher, but you weren’t shy to correct anyone from wherever you stood. You’d lightly align their arms or back properly so your students were working on the correct body parts. Compared to the other teachers, a lot of students enjoyed your kind yet frank approaches. Your former students, who’ve already gone to the higher levels, missed your lively presence and wished repeatedly that they want you back as their teacher.

“Teacher (Y/N), I miss you so much! Teacher Ten is so intense. I get the jitters especially when we’re en pointe on the floor.”

“Teacher (Y/N), Teacher Sicheng and Teacher Seulgi scare the heck out of me during partnering class. Especially when I tried to lift my partner, I keep losing focus because of Teacher Sicheng’s never-ending comments!”

Not to be sadistic, but you’d simply laugh at their minuscule complaints. Even if they’re struggling in the academy, those comments were directed to fix their techniques if they wanted to breakthrough.

“Kids, you’re going to be fine! They wouldn’t say or do those things just because they wanted to. They’re here to push you to the next level, like how I used to do with you. It’s a cut-throat industry after all.”

This was always your reply, bittersweet and truthful. Not everyone makes it, unfortunately, so if you’re really striving, you’d do whatever it takes. Throughout your career, you’re relatively impressed with how far you’ve come.

Trainee at 17, Corps de Ballet at 18, Demi-Soloist at 21, and Soloist at 23.

You’ve been a soloist for 4 years. The final stage, which was to become a principal dancer, is your running goal. Becoming a soloist was praiseworthy enough because you’ve seen so many give up in the Corps, but claiming a spot as a principal dancer has been the ultimate dream. Since you’ve watched Swan Lake for the first time at 4 years old with your parents, that’s where you found a passion for dancing and the stage. Here you are years later, practicing numerous variations daily, performing in opera houses, and mentoring all these gifted kids.

Your last class with elementary kids, which began around 5 pm, reached its end once all the students curtsied in front of you and scurried to their mothers or their nannies. The remaining plan on your agenda today was the company class at 7:30 pm, which exceeds the average hour and a half. It’s worse during show season. There have been times everyone went beyond midnight to polish every scene from head to toe.

Currently, there’s no upcoming show for the public, though the annual summer recital for the students was around the corner. Selected members of the company were chosen to perform individually in it, which was both exciting and intense. It’s also because it’s an evaluation on whether you’d get promoted in status or staying put. You’ve partaken in 3 recitals in the past, two of which elevated you from the corps and demi-soloist ranks. The recent one, however, didn’t change your soloist ranking.

It was a major first in your career in ballet, and after finding out the result of the latter, it emotionally pained you. Recalling how much soul you put into that piece, the rejection from your artistic director clenched your heart. Though in time, you moved on from it and viewed it as a stepping stone. Also, Sicheng and Ten personally stormed your apartment to pull yourself together with wine and pizza after going on a short leave.

Since you were trainees, Sicheng and Ten were your best friends in and outside the company. Working daily to occasional barhopping, that’s your youth summed up. It wasn’t because you didn’t like the girls you’ve worked with (though a lot of them were fake and bitchy), but these two were frank and humorous as hell. Together, you’d help each other with your goals rather than be competitive. Over time, Ten leveled up to a principal dancer for 2 years running while you and Sicheng were still soloists. The way you’d watch Ten take all the big roles, that’s where you want to be one day.

Back in your last teaching class, the entire dance room was vacant. Since it’s mainly used for ballet classes, you’d either run through anything you’ve practiced from the company classes and polish it or warm up a little bit more.

Except for today, this was the only free time to sew a new pair of pointe shoes because your current ones were dead. Dead in a sense that the hard shell turned soft, which won’t be able to support you when you’re up on your toes. You’re not taking any risks of minor injuries especially when you’re in the current lineup of company members performing for this upcoming recital again. You have to prove to everyone that you deserve a position as a principal dancer.

As your legs sprawled in a half middle split, your sewing equipment laid in front of you like you’re about to perform surgery, a tiny girl stood by the ajar studio doors. In her neat bun and holding on to her small duffel bag, you’re convinced everyone has gone home already since it’s quite late.

You may have your priorities as a company member, but she was still your student.

“Minji!” You shouted her name, speedily waving your hand. You’re not one to have favorites, though you couldn’t help wonder how extraordinary she was. She’s always taking charge in demonstrating the lessons to everyone and improving every session in the 3 years she’s joined the academy. “Come in! Come in!”

At age 7, she’s gotten taller through the years, above the average from how you see it. She must have amazing genetics. Her legs sauntered in seconds to you. Sitting down across you, she marveled at your setup. Specifically, at the fresh pointe shoes.

“Are those yours, Teacher (Y/N)?” She perked up, caressing its soft fabric and playing with the mini bows of the drawstrings.

“Yes, it is, Minji!” You answered while trying to insert the thin thread through the small eye of the needle. “Why are you still here? Is your nanny stuck in traffic or something?”

“My nanny went on sudden leave, so my dad’s the one fetching me. But I think he’s running late from his job.”

Oh, this was a first to know about her father. In all the years she’s been your student, you rarely caught sight of him, even in recitals. Maybe he sat in an unknown section, but you’re pretty much acquainted with all the parents of your students. Even if some were snobbier than the rest because they wanted their child to have more stage time, you still got to know them out of respect. Quite odd, if you said so yourself.

After deep concentration, the thread triumphantly passed through the eye so you tied the two ends of the thread in a double knot. Seeing as Minji attentively watched you, you tasked her to cut the ribbons of your shoes according to the trail of pencil marks. This was so she wouldn’t cut it too short or too long. While she did that, you hammered your shoes against the floor to soften the hard front, bending the shank back and forth so the arch of your feet could move without difficulty later.

Minji wasn’t expecting such loud sounds, her entire body shaken awake. Her facial expression was priceless, explaining to her, “Once you get your first pointe shoes in a few years, this is one of the basic things you need to do so your feet won’t hurt too much while dancing.”

“Will you be there to teach me how to make my pointe shoes?”

“Absolutely! Come to me first then I’ll mentor you all that I know.”

The process of sewing and breaking new pointe shoes engraved your mind since your adolescent years, with changes along the way. Inspired by some tricks from your former teachers, but there were some differing rituals you followed. There’s no definite process of it, just as long you’re comfortable to dance after.

With your feet, you stepped on the hard boxes of the shoes to soften it more, creating a popping sound. Followed by sewing your elastic bands in. For your ribbons, you liked to burn the edges with a lighter so the thread of it won’t run. Kindly asking your cute assistant for the lighter beside her, you scanned the edges back and forth the flame. In seconds, the edges had a distinct mark, fully closed. From there, you slid your feet to your shoes to make final sewing adjustments. Sewing your ribbons took you another few minutes, plus adding superglue inside the shoe so the shoe won’t collapse when it unstiffens and scratching the shank with a cutter so you won’t slip later while dancing.

Voila, the final product is done! Hopefully, it can last you a week at least.

“Wow, Teacher (Y/N), it looks pretty!” Minji applauded, collecting the mess you’ve both made to dispose of later. You, on the other hand, gave her your thanks once you applied some bandages on your big toes and put on your toe pads. Slipping inside the shoes and tying them, you rose up back to your feet and headed to the bar to break them in. From plies-relevésto forced arches, the shoes gave you the sensation that they were an extension of your feet. The ease flowed through, meaning you were ready to practice your variations.

While you stepped your shoes in rosin for friction, your curious student moved to the front where the mirror lied to watch what you’ve prepared.

“What variation are you dancing to?”

“This is the Gamzatti variation from La Bayadere.” You replied, tapping the play button on your phone and racing to your position on the side. Talking a short ballet walk, you strongly prepared your arms before the music of the orchestra takes off.

This variation consisted of a lot of jumps and turns. Grand jetés, attitude turns, chaîné turns, you needed a lot of core control and proper spotting so you won’t get dizzy. The thrilling music lessened your nerves because you enjoyed learning this piece from one of the principal dancers, smiling and letting the music guide your legs. Once you nailed 3 consecutive grand jetés, the variation ended with a sus-sous and the wrists of your hands flicking upwards.

Holding it for 5 more seconds, you landed back on your feet with heavy breathing and a need for water. But before you could, small claps and cheers from Minji in front erupted. Momentarily, you’ve forgotten her presence because dancing solo puts you in your own space. You’d never let anyone take you away from it.

“Teacher (Y/N), that was wonderful! Are you performing that in the summer recital?”

Yikes, she’s right but she wasn’t meant to see it yet. Solo performances from the company members for the recital were top secret, only unveiled during the production rehearsal. Well, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t mind.

“Can you keep a secret?”

Time ticked a lot faster today, only 10 minutes left until the company class on the ground floor whereas you were in the second. Just a few steps down the stairs away, yet Minji was still here. You only presumed that within your hour break, her father could’ve made it already. But maybe he’s stuck in traffic or at work.

“Minji, my class starts soon. Have you contacted your father?”

“I already texted him earlier, but he hasn’t responded. This happens often, he’s a busy man.” She bowed in front of you suddenly. “I’m sorry, Teacher (Y/N) for the hassle.”

“Oh no, please!” You shook your hands so she’d stop. Because this situation was relatively new, you were unsure of how to handle it. Or that was until you remembered what Ten texted you earlier. “Minji, the blinds of the main studio are going to be lifted so anyone from the outside can view us practicing. Would you like to watch until your dad gets here?”

With her insistent nodding, she situated herself in one of the seats in the front row. When you entered the main studio, your two close companions already carried a metal barre to the center and leaned towards it while observing you walking to them in your flat shoes.

“I see we have a bit of an audience here.” Ten glimpsed at the young girl, astonished by the many dancers prepping and chatting away with their cliques from the glass barrier.

“Her dad isn’t here yet, and you did say the blinds were up today. Might as well give her a show while she waits, you know.” You lifted your right leg to the top barre, stretching it with your arms.

“Hmmm, shouldn’t her dad be more cautious though? It’s getting late and it’s a Thursday. Doesn’t she have school or something?” Sicheng pointed out, discarding his muscle tee to straighten out his leotard.

“That’s not my business though. She’s just my student, and since she’s still here, I have to entertain her while she waits.”

Before your friends said anything back, the artistic director of the ballet company strutted her way to the center of the room. It’s a common rule here that once she entered, everyone must be silent to listen and race to any free spot in the numerous barres spread out if they haven’t.

“Alright, everyone. We’ll do the typical barre, then before doing across the floor exercises, I’ll be requesting those performing solos already in the recital to dance any variation tonight as another evaluation on who deserves to perform twice.” She eyed the pianist directly beside her. “Proceed first with two demi-pliés then one grand plié. Don’t forget to do the port de bras of each position.”

As the live piano music played, your focus was divided. Partly properly executing the exercise while your artistic director roamed each barre area, partly thinking about what variation to perform. This was a first for the company, and everyone was just stunned to hear the breaking news. It’d be nice to get an extra opportunity to showcase to people your potential.

30-40 minutes flew by quickly. As the guys carried the bars to the side to clear out the floor and the girls changed to their pointe shoes, the artistic director ordered all the performers of the recitals to stand in a line in front of her. Everyone else was seated around the room, so the interested eyes of everyone were on you. There were 10 performers, half are from the corps and the other half are either demi-soloists or soloists. You and Sicheng stood beside each other, internally shaking with nerves under the intimidating eyes of the artistic director. She used to be a principal dancer for the Stuttgart Ballet in Germany before moving back to Seoul, making her undeniably capable of leading all of you.

“Okay,” From her seated position observing the 10 performers, her finger pointed at you directly. “Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), you perform first.”

Your nerves intensified and more sweat streamed out your upper body. Even if going first felt more relieving, no one was ever brave enough to perform individually in front of the esteemed artistic director. Principal dancers aside from Ten that you’re close with were intimidated when they have 1-on-1 or partnering sessions with her. But anyhow, in less than 2 minutes, you’d be done. This wasn’t the first time she’s had your full attention either, so you’ll treat it like the other individual performances you’ve had.

You smiled to yourself when the other soloists left you alone, while you gave the name of the variation you’re dancing to the pianist. Running to the side to put on a practice tutu, the artistic director asked, “What will you be dancing for us tonight, (Y/N)?”

“I’ll be dancing Queen of the Dryads from Don Quixote.”

The last time you did this variation was 3 years ago during the recital that didn’t change your position as a soloist. Even if this variation hurt to think about for a while, it was still one of your favorites to watch and do. Moving on, you could only muse how powerful and beautiful you felt at that time. This isn’t an easy piece to perform in your opinion. Yet according to the members of the company, this was their favorite solo of yours.

As the starting notes unfolded, you took a deep breath and elegantly walked into the frame. You only wished you wore your fake crown again for this. Minimal smiling and light arms, you imagined yourself as an actual queen who captured the eyes of many. In this case, your fellow seniors and juniors held their breaths at the captivating sight of you.

Off you go into a series of glissade jeté developpé on relevé at elevating heights, then a fouetté arabesque and another arabesque on relevé before ballet walking again to the side to dance across the stage. Sissonne to the front, right developpé to the front on relevé, pique to prepare for a single pirouette, you gracefully did a chassé to the front twice and stood on your toes with a sus-sous.

Doing it a few more times, the climax of the entire variation was nearing. Returning to the center, you took another deep breath and lifted your left leg for the Italian fouettés. Spotting to the front and back while maintaining your balance, the variation approached its end with lame duck turns, posing with your arms were positioned at a 45-degree angle, your back slightly arched and your left leg doing a tendu derriére. Your eyes reflected at the mirror in front, surveying your alignment. Once your 5-second hold was finished, you properly put your arms down and closed your back leg into 5th position.

The applause from everyone in the room roared, Ten and Sicheng wolf-whistling even for more support. It’s a usual thing every time any of you perform individually, and no one minded it. The artistic director grinned, giving a quiet clap from the front before calling out the next performer, who was from the corps. Bowing to everyone hastily, you paid more attention to spot your student by the window. She was smiling ear to ear, waving both hands at you.

“You did amazing, Teacher!” She mouthed. Hearing words of praise from members was one thing, but hearing them from students was another. You’re so used to watching them and giving them your compliments that you often forget that you’re a dancer first before a teacher. Seeing them all delighted, saying that it motivates them more, showed that you’re doing a great job teaching them. You’re a reflection of what you pass down, and all you want was for them to be the best they could be.

From her jolly expression, a tall masculine silhouette hovered a part of the window. Her instinct of giving a brighter smile when the hand of said silhouette patted her head then carried her duffel bag again, that could only mean one thing. Excusing yourself to the artistic director, you stepped out to bid your goodbye and maybe meet her father. Minji and the tall man were about to leave the building if it weren’t for your breathy voice calling them out.

“Seo Minji and Mr. Seo?”

They stopped their tracks. Minji was fast to react, familiar with your voice and racing towards you for a sweaty hug. Meanwhile, your focus shifted once the masculine silhouette came into full view. You finally understood why Minji’s growth spurt spiked up, noticing that he was taller than Sicheng.

The top buttons of his shirt were off, yet he kept his formal blazer on. His hair was a bit tousled, some strands falling in front of his forehead. He must’ve run here. Peeking through were some roots of his scruff growing. His eyebags were almost as dark as his brown hair. Yet by the way his Rolex remained spotless, you blatantly assumed that he was more than well-off. Especially when the ballet academy was one of the most prestigious ones in Seoul.

Out of all the parents you’ve met, none of them appeared youthful like him.

“Teacher (Y/N)?” Thanks to Minji, you moved your staring eyes away from him. This was another first, since meeting only the fathers of your students wasn’t your norm. Meeting young-looking fathers, to be specific.

“O-Oh,” You ate your words, suddenly blanking out. “You’re leaving me without saying goodbye, Minji? Not polite of you.”

“My father was rushing right after watching your performance, and I don’t know why.” She responded, her finger scratching the top of her head in confusion. Speaking of said father, his strong presence appeared right in front of you. The wrinkles of his forehead creased while his eyes barely looked at yours.

“Uhm,” His fingers toyed with his Rolex. “I apologize for my tardiness. I got caught up in work and all, plus her nanny le-”

“Mr. Seo.” You halted his rambling, already aware of the situation. Like father, like daughter. “It’s fine. Minji loved watching us practice while waiting, and she wasn’t a bother either. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Phew.” He swiped an imaginative bead of sweat from his forehead, displaying his relief with his playful nature.

At age 23, Johnny Seo started his own company in the fashion scene and it grew internationally in the coming years. Then when Minji unexpectedly joined the picture, he’s been multi-tasking to make ends meet. Lately, as a CEO, he has had meetings and conferences on a daily. So, his position as a single father was always tested. It worsened when he rarely has proper time to spend any time with Minji unless it’s the weekend or late in the evening. Breaking it down, it wasn’t because he didn’t want to meet you. It was more like he couldn’t when his schedules were packed from head to toe.

Having the guilt of taking your precious time, “Seriously though, I am sorry for being late. Her nanny resigned suddenly, and I have no time to find her replacement.”

“Mr. Seo, again, don’t worry about it. As her teacher and a company member, I am practically here 24/7 so it won’t be a nuisance at all if this happens again.”

“Thank you so much, Teacher (Y/N). That is your name, right?” He planted his palm on his forehead, stressed. “Being a single parent is hard. I am always forgetting things.”

A part of you couldn’t restrain from feeling sorry for his struggle. Taking care of a child should be the work of both the mother and father, not one of them being absent. You’ve feared this would harm Minji, but she’s a strong girl.

“The fact you didn’t forget to fetch Minji despite the late time is still something to be happy over. I’m not a parent or anything, but parenting, in general, is a challenge.” You added an insight, patting the head of the young girl beside you. “Cut yourself some slack, Mr. Seo. I’m sure Minji still loves you, right?”

Minji shouted a big yes, now clinging to the leg of her father. “It’s okay, dad. Really.”

Over the years, Johnny has been doubtful of his parenting skills. He was an only child, and he struggled to ask for guidance from his own parents due to the shame of having a kid at a young age. So, he’d ask for help from his other friends and co-workers. No matter how many times they’ve reassured him that he’s doing well, he’s an overthinker who always reflected on the bad scenarios. There’s also that pressure to find someone who can fill that absent position not just for Minji, but for himself too. No matter how many girls he’s asked out or been set up with, he failed in the love department badly.

It’s the soothing way you voiced out your truth that made all these negative thoughts running through his head freeze briefly. Over the past 3 years since Minji started ballet, she always had a great story about you to share. One of them was how ballet made her a lot happier because of your influence. If he had at least an hour of his day to meet any of his daughter’s mentors, it would’ve been you.

“Do feel free to call me Johnny instead.” He casually introduced himself, taking his hand out for you to shake. “Mr. Seo makes me feel like I’m at work right now.”

Despite his informal approach, you understood his intentions and returned the action with a promising smile. “Pleasure to finally meet you, Johnny.”

“Pleasure is all mine, Teacher (Y/N).”

Earlier, the nerves from performing in front of the artistic director died down fast. But for some reason, they rose back up when you’ve spoken to this man in a matter of minutes. As someone whose feelings don’t flourish in a single glance, why did this man specifically deliver you such a strong effect?

If it weren’t for Ten calling for your name by the door, you would’ve held on to Johnny’s hand longer, which would’ve been inappropriate. Letting go first, this was your cue to return to your class.

“I must head back inside, Johnny. Don’t sweat on fetching your daughter late, though she is still a student with school the following day. Right, Minji?”

Minji nodded as Johnny kept that mind, knowing where he has to improve next.  “Yes, Teacher (Y/N). Thank you again, sincerely. I’ll definitely see you again in the coming days until Minji has a new nanny.”

“That’s no problem with me at all, Johnny.”

Soon as Johnny held his daughter’s hand to exit the studio and you were re-entering the studio with an impatient Ten, he swerved swiftly as if he forgot something.

“Oh by the way Teacher (Y/N), I saw your whole performance awhile ago. I was blown away, you deserved the applause.”

Although you could only distinguish his silhouette, you didn’t suppose he watched you from head to toe. Most parents or nannies would’ve dragged their kids out of the studio once they find them like they were on a tight schedule, so this was novel to experience. That performance showed your prime too.

“Thank you, Johnny. See you again soon.”

Giving a final nod, you led yourself back to the studio, not bothering to acknowledge the erupting heat on your cheeks and entire body. Not to sound narcissistic, but compliments weren’t foreign to you. You’re conscious of the hard work that you put in your talent and if they pointed out your greatness, why would you deny it? However, receiving one from Johnny was like gearing your engine with new fuel.

Before you could try to reject these harboring feelings, Ten was fast to pick up on it. You cannot hide anything from this man at all because body language was like another language he’s fluent in (aside from the other 5). Unlucky for you, the saga continued.

“You’re so into dilfs, (Y/N)!” He shrieked in your ear, nudging your shoulder repetitively. He placed things in his own way, yet they always shocked you because it was so inappropriate. Typical Ten for you.

“Shut up, Ten!” You objected, watching the other performers. You’ve improved in ignoring his remarks over time. That was until Sicheng sat down beside you after his solo and got up in your business. That placed you in the middle of boys from the water sign clan of astrology. They just loved getting down to your love life, going raunchy and whatnot.

“Who’s into dilfs, Ten?”

“A Miss (Y/N) beside you, who met Minji’s dad awhile ago, was basically eye-fucking him.” Ten elaborated, planting his elbows on your leg and gave you a sneaky glare. “Minji’s dad is fine as fuck, guys! I’m telling you, like a literal god! I’m surprised this is the first time he showed up here after 2-3 years?”

“How come (Y/N) is always getting students with good-looking parents? Especially the single moms.” Sicheng slumped his shoulders, attempting to get your attention too. “Is he that hot, (Y/N)?”

“Yah.” Sighing with annoyance, you’ve given up trying to appreciate one of the corps dancers with her rendition of Dulcinea from Don Quixote. “Don’t speak of Johnny like that. You barely know the man, yet you talk about him so unprofessionally."

“Oh, Johnny is his name, huh?” Sicheng sing-songed, bobbing his head. He’s certainly going to stalk him later on social media, you felt it in your chest. Like it was ESPN or something.

“Talking about being unprofessional, yet you’re here referring him as Johnny, not Mr. Seo.” Ten barked back, his lips pursed and one eyebrow lifted.

Just as soon as you could retaliate, the artistic director’s velvety voice boomed the room.

“Alright, thank you to the performers. I will deliberate with the staff and principal dancers over the weekend, and let you know the results on Monday. Now please, let’s proceed to the center.”

Everyone began to spread out on the wide floor, snatching a good position so they could monitor themselves in the mirror. Maybe you’ll defend yourself later after class because now, you needed to beat everyone else and have a crystal-clear view of yourself doing these following exercises.

In the meantime, Johnny was in the middle of driving Minji home. He had a designated chauffeur, but he gave him the night off because he wanted to spend time with Minji. Around this time, she’d be sleeping soundly, but instead, she’s boosting with so much life. She hasn’t even eaten dinner yet, which was the first thing on Johnny’s agenda now.

Playing Coldplay in the car, Minji belted some lyrics from her favorite songs while Johnny smiled to himself while listening to her attentively. Taking a breath, her thoughts reverted to her fantastic ballet teacher and shared them with her father.

“Dad! Don’t you just think Teacher (Y/N) is so cool? Ugh, I want to be just like her when I grow up.”

“Oh, to become a ballerina like her, you have to work hard every day and memorize lessons fast. Are you up for it, Minji?”

“Absolutely, dad! I want to pull off perfect jumps and turns like her one day!”

In the other after-school activities Johnny enrolled Minji in the past, none of them compared to the passion she had for ballet. Her work ethic was alike to Johnny’s: if they want something, they’ll do whatever it takes to make it possible.

Aside from being a star student in her school, she’s aiming to be a star ballerina. Being the supportive father he is, Johnny was on board to do what it takes to make it happen. Unlike his parents trying to mold him into the next heir of their company, he’s all ears to the dreams of his daughter. His only dream for her was to be live long and happy, not to merely pass on anything.

Johnny lost so much in his young life, so he doesn’t want to lose Minji in any way. As much as he loves his profession, he wanted to be an active father as much as time allowed it. He mostly received complaints from others that he’s not prioritizing his time well, but after hearing your kind words, this heavy weight on his shoulders decreased. All this doubt started to vanish after meeting you for the first time.

“Dad! Isn’t Teacher (Y/N) so beautiful?” Minji honored whilst gazing at the twinkling night sky. “She loves what she does and shines at it.”

Johnny was accustomed to his female co-workers throwing themselves at him due to his attractiveness, more than flattered even to have them feeling weak for him. Yes, there were times he used it to his advantage, some he frankly turned down. 

However, the radiance you carried whether you’re dancing or not was something Johnny couldn’t cease wondering about. Unknown to him, he’s the one getting weak. Behold, an unlocked first for the confident CEO.

“Yes, Minji. I do think Teacher (Y/N) is absolutely beautiful.”

[lostglassguitars]

Time: 04:18

Day: July 27th

Location: Above Planet 4557C- Space

Log 17: Crashing

“Uh… okay. I’m recording.

“Time is, uh, 4:18 in the morning. Almost 19. July 27th.

“About 5 hours, 36 minutes, and 25 seconds after the higher-ups told us that the ship is failing.

*chuckle*

“Well, what else am I supposed to say? I don’t know; shit? We never thought this would happen. It wasn’t… it wasn’t supposed to.

“I’m not even a full-fledged member of this cursed thing. I should’ve been. A week ago. But that’s when things went nuts.

“Not my fault the planet doesn’t want us here. I’m just saying.

*sigh*

“I… really thought this was going to be better than it is. The higher-ups have basically told us about 20 percent of us are screwed. They don’t have enough… escape pods. Things to jettison away. Whatever.

“Ironic. They forced half of us onto this thing, and now they can’t get us all off.

“No one was really restricted from going anywhere. Technicians are working overtime, of course. Everyone’s hoping they’ll find a way to fix it.

“The way I see it; it’s not working. We’re going to die. The ship’s fuel is leaking into space as I speak. In about t-minus 5 hours- if the leakage remains the speed it’s currently at, of course- any and all power in the ship will fail.

“If the lack of oxygen doesn’t kill us first, the crash will.

*garbled background noise*

“Ah, crap. Hold on.

*distinct talking noises, indecipherable, arguing in rising and falling tones*

*footsteps*

“That was my roommate. Looks like we’ve gotten an all hands on deck order.

*scoff*

*in low tone* “Like that’s gonna do anything.

“If you find this log years after my grand demise at the hands of idiots higher-up, sure, go ahead and use this as, like, a history documentary or something. I’d love for future people to hear me ramble about my death.

“If you’re Alterra, however, I want you to truly know how many lives your past leaders ruined. Take this as a sign to change, if you haven’t from how many years ago this was from your current time.

*cough*

“Uh. If that makes sense.

“Anyways. I’m gonna go now. If, on some chance, I don’t die- that’s a minority- I’ll record another log.

“Wish me luck.

“Logging off… for now. Maybe for the last time...

Log ends.

[purplesurveys]

1131

survey by lilprincess

Approx. Time you began this survey: 6:46 on a Wednesday evening.

Describe your mood right now: Erm, a bit exhausted because I just ended a work shift; but content for the same reason. Right now I’m simply looking forward to dinner and crashing on the couch or my bed, wherever I feel like sleeping tonight.

Spell your first name without vowels: Rbn. Let’s just also remove y for this one.

Age you will be on your next birthday: 23.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Do you believe what your horoscope says about your sign? I do not believe in astrology whatsoever.

What state/region do you live in? Somewhere in the Philippines somewhere close to Metro Manila.

Height: Like 5′1″ ish. I had a massive growth spurt in 4th grade that also ended in 4th grade, which will always be a funny story to tell people lmao. I went from being placed at the back of the class line to the front really quickly.

Do you smoke? Super occasionally. My last cigarette was like...all the way back in February last year. It was easier to hide the smell around my family before, but because my parents and siblings have mostly been staying at home in the last year it would be so easy to weed out the smell. I never feel like smoking anyway since I vape, so there’s been no reason to seek it out.

Do you drink? Yeah, sometimes socially and sometimes on my own if I wanna unwind and feel a lil buzz come through.

What's your ethnic background? Southeast Asian, specifically Filipino.

What's your religious background? Technically my ~background~ would be Catholic since I was born and baptized in that faith, but I’ve long let go of this. Excluding one very brief period in high school, religion was something I never held much belief and faith in, even if I've been taken to literally every Sunday mass for the last 23 years and even if I was enrolled in Catholic school from preschool to high school.

What's your natural hair color? Black.

What;s your natural eye color? Dark brown, almost black.

Do you have any bad habits you want to break? I do overtime work a lot but used to seldom file it on our company shift log sheet because I get shy that they must think I’m doing it just to be paid more, lol. I’m starting to file them every time I do OT though because fuck it, pay me.

Name a few of your positive habits. I like that I always find a way to meet deadlines. I like that I’m selfless, even though some would see it as a flaw. I’d rather do too much than say I never did anything at all.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country? No, the most I’ve done was travel to one for a week.

Did you vote in the Nov. 6 2012 presidential election? No because I am not American -___- The last election that took place before I was eligible was in 2010, and had I been able to vote then, I would’ve given mine to Gibo Teodoro, who I believe was the most qualified at the time.

Are you even eligible to vote? Yeah, I’ve been for the last 5 years. I’ve voted twice - once for the presidential elections back in 2016, and the next was for the senatorial elections in 2019.

Are you right handed or left handed? Right-handed.

When you write, is your penmanship usually neat or do you tend to scribble? It starts off neat for the most part, but it gradually gets messy and becomes more like a scribble if we’re talking about writing several essays in one sitting, which was usually the case in my exams in college.

Have you ever experienced an accident? (of any type): Sure, I’ve been in car accidents before. I’ve also been shocked once.

Do you have/want children? They would be nice to have, yeah. 

Are you environmentally conscious? For the most part, yeah. But there are some things that can’t be helped, like me driving. Unless the government does something about the shitty public transport system that we have and have had for decades, I refuse to take it.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? Like I said, my own car. If I’m traveling, by plane.

Do you prefer 80's - 90's music compared to today's music? Eh, not at all. I prefer music produced these days.

Are you more of an introvert (quiet/shy), or extrovert (social butterfly)? I’ve been more of an extrovert in the last few years but I will always be shy at first upon meeting new people, like that will never change. I warm up a lot quickly now, though.

What's your favorite emoticon? :)

Do you miss the good old days of hand-written letters? I caught the super super super last part of this era, so I didn’t even get to experience it. I know snail mail was still kind of a thing when I was a kid, but at the same time that was happening my mom was also already using email to keep in touch with my dad, so.

Nowadays, though, when I do write letters to loved ones, I will still prefer to make handwritten ones, especially for a significant other or best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever sent out a computerized long letter.

Do you enjoy receiving or giving more? Giving, but it’s nice to be treated too sometimes.

Are you good at keeping secrets? Sure.

Do you take or give advice more often? I don’t usually get into situations wherein I’d have to do either, but I think I’ve been asking for advice more, especially over the last few months.

Do you have your driver's license? “I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always talked about...” Haha this question made me sing a bit. Anyway, yeah, I got it shortly after I turned 18 since I needed to quickly learn before college started.

Would you rather be poor & happy or rich but miserable? Rich but miserable. Soz but I’d solve 4854983594857 of my problems if I never had to worry about money.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Never.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Probably not blocked, but I’ve unfollowed some current Facebook friends and unfriended others entirely.

Do you think recreational marijuana should be nationally legalized? Idk much about the topic since it’s taboo enough where I live, but sure, I guess?I haven’t heard one bad word about the effects of marijuana.

Describe your perfect first date. I’ve never really had a first date, but I imagine an ideal one would be pretty lowkey, just a stroll around a nice city and maybe have fancyish dinner somewhere.

Have you ever been high? Nope.

Have you ever watched a NC-17 rated film? Sure. A good handful of Kubrick films pass for NC-17, right? I’d be surprised if they weren’t, lol. I’ve been scarred by some of them for sure.

If you ever become reincarnated as an animal, what would you want it to be? A dog.

Do you remember where you were/what you were doing on September 11, 2001? No; I was 2 years old. I did ask my parents where they were in those moments, and my mom understandably missed most of it since the entire thing unfolded in the late evening in the Philippines. The only thing she can recall was being insanely worried for my dad, who had just started to work in the US back then.

Do you ever wish you were of a different nationality/religion? Yeah, to a certain extent, just because the political and socioeconomic situation here is very messy and it doesn’t really give us the nicest reputation in front of the world. I’m proud of my Filipino culture and heritage though.

Are you more of a junk food addict or health nut? Health nut is the last thing anyone should be calling me. But I’m not so much a junk food addict either? I do like spoiling myself with food, but I still monitor my intake.

Do you believe Antarctica should be considered the 7th world continent? Isn’t it already though?? We’ve always been taught there were 7 continents and Antarctica is one of them lol.

Describe your own sense of humor in 1 word: Gen-Z, if that counts as one word.

Have you ever quoted the Bible (or any other Holy Book)? If I ever did it was probably meant to be sarcasm.

Have you ever completed a Sudoku puzzle? No. Never figured out how to play it either.

Would you rather be a nuclear physicist or marine biologist? Marine biologist. That’s one step closer to one of my loves, biology. Plus I was never any good with physics, so.

Do you have a deep, dark secret you're hiding from every one? I guess.

Would you rather be able to soar like an eagle or swim like a dolphin? I’d make my childhood self happy and go with flight.

If you wanted to learn a foreign language, what would it be? Korean so I can finally stop reading subs, hahah.

Are you bi-curious? No.

Did you watch the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon more as a kid? The Nickelodeon cartoons were far more interesting to me. I think I only got into Disney when I got a little bit older, once I was able to appreciate the more mature content in shows like The Suite Life, That’s So Raven, etc. But for the most part our TV was always tuned into Nick Jr., Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron and the other Nick shows.

Name 5 films that were made the year you were born: American History X (great watch), The Truman Show, Mulan, La Vita e Bella if I’m not mistaken (one of my faves, no matter how gut-wrenching it is), and Shakespeare in Love.

Did you have a lot of friends in high school? Yes, eventually I did.

Do you rely more on the newspaper, Internet or TV as your news source? Social media these days since I find that online writers are far more discerning in their reporting than TV anchors, who stay neutral at best.

True or false: Bigger is better. Very vaguely put, but not always, I guess.

Do you think religion is the primary cause of war? No? There’ve been plenty other reasons for war.

What's your favorite pizza topping? ...Cheese.

Think of your wardrobe. What color do you wear the most? It’s still black, I think.

Have you ever been to a planetarium? Just once, on a middle school field trip. I’d love to come back, though.

Do you feel like you connect more with animals or other people? I don’t get to be with animals a lot other than my dogs, so I’ll go with people.

Do you feel like sometimes you have to lie in order to protect yourself? Wow so dramatically put haha but yeah, I suppose it does feel that way sometimes.

How often do you exercise? Literally never. I’ve stopped working out this year since I didn’t see the point, and I’ve stopped feeling like I had to ‘get back’ at my ex just by getting a more toned figure. I’m totally at peace with how my body looks, plus I never want to give up on my favorite foods and snacks lol so there’s that.

Can you swear in a different language? Putangina mong bobo kang gago ka. That’s three for ya.

Do you think teachers/doctors deserve to get paid more than pro athletes? Everyone deserves to be paid fairly to the point that no comparison should be necessary, period.

From a scale of 1- 5, you would rate this survey: Erm, a 4.5. I had to delete some questions I didn’t feel comfortable answering or that I found a little meh, but the rest I fairly enjoyed.

Do you think most of these questions were more original or more ordinary? It’s a bit in between.

Approx. time you completed this survey: Hahahahah 10:38 PM. I took a million breaks.

[paperdoe]

Char facts

Stolen from deviantart

1) What's their FULL NAME (First, middle(s), last)

Ehhh elves go by father, mother, and espesse (given name) 

So in that order. Halordin Telphindor Daerhovan (He mainly goes by his espesse) 

2) Do they have siblings? if so what are their names/ages

4. Haldor is 1800, Heledirnien (N/A) and the twins Losseneth and Lossenduin are both 1200. 

3) What were they like in their elementary, middle and high school phases?

.Seeing as those terms don’t exist in Middle Earth, i’ll break it down by age. 

1-200

Extremely sheltered and curious. Drove his mother and mentors insane with how many times he’d try to get to Forbidden Places. Wanted to know how everything worked and why and then how why those things worked functioned the way they did. Hyper focused on the natural world, natural history, and the history of his and other free peoples. Read voraciously when he wasn’t trying to sneak away.

200-700

Young and inexperienced in the works of his calling. Often rash when it comes to making difficult or time sensitive decisions. In isolation for most of his early centuries in his desire for knowledge. Sought to learn more of the world and traveled far and wide. Developed deeper relationships with people more than animals as his business lead him out of isolation. His resolve to save what he loved strengthened from nearly world ending events. 

700-8,000

Preserves his love for his interests throughout his lifetime. Very diligent in his duties as a naturalist until the later years of his life when he becomes deeply depressed from the loss of everyone he’s ever loved or befriended and the changes to the world. Gets a little better near the end, but finally feels that it’s time to move on, and fades into the west.  

4) What is their hometown?  

Caras-Galadhon. better known as Lothlorien. 

5) Did they go to college? If so what for? and did they graduate?

While I love the idea of universities in Middle Earth, Daerhovan was mentored by various independent teachers throughout his early life. Most notably Orthir of Lothlorien, Arasdir (brother in law who taught him much about botany) and Radagast the Brown. 

6) Are they married, single, in a relationship, or crushing on someone who has no idea?  

Daerhovan gets married to a dwarrowdam, Badari of Erebor during his lifetime. Before then sheer curiosity of romance led him to dalliance with two others. A widow from Rohan and another elven man he grew up with. (Though it never really escalated to sex with the latter two.) 

7) Don't be shy tell us their name~

I DONE DID

8) How do they get along with that person?

Rather well I imagine since they spend the rest of Badari’s life together. Perhaps there was a bit of intimidation on Daerhovan’s side at first as he wasn’t used to dealing with people with a fiery demeanor. Never mind dwarves in general.   

9) What's your favorite canon moment that's happened and no one else knows about?

During one of his early attempts at trying to understand the natural world, tried calming down a maddened huorn. The huorn lashed a root at him in it’s rage and sliced him from pectoral to navel, leaving behind a ghastly scar that took centuries to completely heal. he was saved by Radagast the Brown before he could bleed out. He doesn’t talk about the incident out of sheer embarrassment. But it did teach him a hard lesson about the reach and influence of evil in nature. And being with Radagast during his healing taught him most of what he knows later in life. 

10) Do they have kids? Do they want kids?

.Badari and he don’t have kids and to be honest I don’t think Daerhovan would want any. They tend to make him nervous and unsure, and whatever paternal instincts he has are for baby animals. He doesn’t mind baby-sitting for close friends and family most of the time though. 

11) What do they currently do?

.Oof currently? I’m gonna take currently as in the current timeline of Lord of the Rings Online (Where he was first born as an OC) Which is some months after Sauron’s defeat (Or is it weeks? lol) 

What i’ve described earlier really. He’s a herbalist, naturalist, forest warden, and anthropologist. And anything that’s related. (And Gandalf’s errand boy apparently) 

12) Do they have a job outside of that?

What was listed above is his lifestyle really. I’ll say that before then in his teenage years he was a grape vine tender and assistant scholar of the trees of Lothlorien. 

13) How do they entertain themselves?

Reviewing past notes, reading. horse/elk back riding. Swimming. Likes to have his hands occupied. 

14) What's their biggest fear?

Losing those he loves, drastic change, places he holds in his heart becoming lost to time or by machine, losing his will to live. 

15) How do other people see them? does this affect them or do they brush it off?

Depends. Within his own kind among the Galladhrim he’s viewed as a novelty and trouble maker because of his circumstances  (The way his father and brother were killed, his mothers extreme efforts to keep him safe which lead to his wild escapeds, made for some hot gossip) He didn’t like the attention on him and his family, and this was probably a catalyst that lead to him becoming enamored with places beyond The Golden Wood. If only to get away for a bit. 

With other races they’d probably be a bit put off by his lack of social skills and tendency to info dump. This hurts a little, but trees are great listeners at least. 

16) Do they have exes? if so what's their name, what happened </3

Can’t really be called an ex if they weren’t official in the first place? 

17) Do they have a strong relationship with their parents?

More like a tenuous unconditional love if that can make sense. he never knew his father that well. And his mothers extreme efforts to shelter him made him somewhat embittered.  

18) how often do they see them?

Once or twice a year when she still dwelled in Middle Earth. And then not for a very, very long time until after he faded and was reborn in Valinor. 

19) Why did they not go to bed until 4 am??

.What is sleep to an elf. 

20) Can they do tricks??

He’s acrobatic? 

21) Are they pretty much the same through the stages (toddler-adult) or have they gotten more mature? less mature? etc.

I like the thought of him retaining his playfulness and childlike curiosity throughout most of his life. 

22) Do they have a phobia?

Being deep below the ground and the nameless things that gnaw at the earth. Moria was fine but perhaps the catalyst to the fear that would grow overtime as the dwarves and nameless would clash more often. 

23) What's their favorite animal

Lynxes and forest elk. 

24) What's in their fridge. you heard me.

No fridge here! He’ll eat nice smelling flowers occasionally. Roses are his favorite....and he wonders why people look at him strangely. Normal people food wise, he’d have berries. So many berries. 

25) Give us a secret~

He can’t hear or feel the pull of Valinor from the cries of the gulls or the sea. 

26) How would they react to a random confession text from their crush? :eyes:

Bear with me and pretend phones exist for him for the moment. Furious blushing, finger twiddling, curling up in fetal position. 

27) What do they fear losing the most?

I mentioned it above alreadyyyy

28) What was their worst injury as of now?

ALSO MENTIONED 

29) Which of their parents do you think they take after more, in looks, personality or both

His mother Gaelwen. inherited her silverish hair (She’s a descendant from prominent Sindar from lost Belariand) and paler skin. 

re on their deathbed who would they want by their side? (Can have 3 and only 3!)

Badari, Mallovorel (best elven friend and like a sister) and Losseneth (His fav bio sister) 

anyone else who wants to do this feel free. just say i tagged you ;) 

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

If money is tight, please do not contribute to this fund. If you're struggling, please do not contribute to this fund. If you're poor, please do not contribute to this fund. If money is, in any way, a worry for you, please do not contribute to this fund. It's a long read, but if you don't fancy reading all of it the TL;DR is the place we're living at is slowing killing us.  My doctors and counselor have been urging us to move for awhile now.  The place my husband is currently working at is a toxic environment that treats most of its employees like trash.  We're going to be moving in July 2020 when the contract for our current place expires.

1. The place has been fraying on our health.  The air quality has me messed up due to the fact people here would rather use wood-burning fire places instead of cleaner safer options to heat their homes.  Fire season has messed with my asthma, allergies, and done a number on my anxiety and mental health. 

The dry air hasn’t helped with my breathing; I went from using my emergency inhaler maybe two or three times a year to using it almost daily (and every time we leave the house).  My husband’s allergies have gotten worse since moving here (his sister, who convinced us to move here, said his allergies would basically vanish here), resulting in a lot of headaches, frequently requiring a third and even fourth allergy medication to control them (both meds make him extremely drowsy). I feel like I'm inhaling sand, and my lungs feel like they're made of rice paper.  Within ten minutes of talking, my voice is gone.  I'm easily winded, having a difficult time catching my breath just walking across the house.  We have two air purifiers, but with the air at barely 20% humidity (sometimes getting as low as 5%), they tend to make the air drier.  UPDATE: *I have two humidifier now, one for the bedroom and one for the living room.  I'm able to do more in my home now because of them, but going outside for more than a few minutes is unacceptable according to my lungs.* Not only has this affected my asthma and our allergies, but it's impacting my mental health and epilepsy.  I've had PTSD since I was 18, made worse by the house fire we survived in 2017 (I have an intense fear of fire).  I also have severe general anxiety disorder, made worse by our current situation.    Mental illness affects epilepsy, and my seizure count has gone up.  My seizures will never be 100% controlled.  I've participated in a seizure study and had a heavy-duty EEG.  From the study we learned I don't qualify for surgery or seizure controlling implants.  I've been on over 20 seizure medications since I was 11.  Many of these drugs are blacklisted and have left me with permanent damaging side-effects.  I have brain, nerve, and muscle damage from the thousands of seizures I've had as well as injuries I sustained while having seizures.  I'm at high risk of SUDEP (sudden unexpected death from epilepsy), made worse by our current living situation. 2.  Rent is horrible here, and our landlady keeps raising the rent every year. Finding a new place is nearly impossible due to 1) high rental prices on very small places ($800 for a 350 sq ft studio apartment) and 2) few places available (a lot of people live in RVs because there’s nowhere else to live). When we moved in to our current residence back in 2017 after a fire took our previous home (yay for renter’s insurance) rent on this place was $900. It’s now $1090 and she plans on raising it another 10% every year. If we sign another contract for this place, rent will be $1110.  We can’t afford it with my husband's current income and my SSDI (I'm permanently disabled). 3.  Well-paying jobs are hard to find in even the restaurant industry in our current location. They all want to start my husband at state minimum wage.  He has 30 years working in the restaurant industry; $12/hour isn't acceptable.  UPDATE: *We've done a lot of research, spoken to people who live on the west side of the Cascades, and the happy news is he'll be able to find a job with general ease and pay will be better.  He may even have a job waiting when we move in July.  No certainties yet though.* 4.  Finding good doctors and counselors here that can provide me with the treatment I need is difficult.  This is a rural region.  We have to drive over an hour to get to my neurologist, who’s a very unpleasant doctor, but the only neurologist who accept Medicare.  My primary physician is well-loved and as such is booked with appointments going as far as six months ahead.  It took almost five years to find a counselor who’s qualified to treat me and accepts Medicare and Medicaid.  My primary physician as well as my counselor have urged me to move to the other side of the Cascades as soon as we are able. 5.  We have exactly zero friends here.  The two we called friends are moving to the other side of the Cascades by the end of November 2019.  One is the former sous chef** at the restaurant my husband works at, and the other is his wife. They have family on the other side of the Cascades who will help cover the cost of moving over their. **On November 2nd, 2019 the sous chef at the restaurant my husband works at was fired.  The owner told my husband he’s expected to work that job as well as his current responsibilities (he currently works as the prep cook, handles all the catering, as well as a providing lunch on a weekly basis to a local construction area). Today the owner said the position will no longer exist, he won’t get a promotion or pay raise, and that he needs to be a “team member". Husband is still going to work the job because he'll get overtime every week and tip-outs from the servers.  UPDATE: *His hours have been cut from 40/week to 32/week.  He's going to speak to the owner regarding this. For several weeks he’s been looking for a better job with better pay.  He has 30 years experience working in the restaurant industry.  Earlier this year the head chef quit and someone with very little experience and no management skills was promoted to the position.  No one likes this guy, and he's been screwing everything up.  Husband should have gotten that job, everyone but this guy feels the same way, and the owner refuses to listen to reason. The owner claims to be a “good Christian” but is a hardcore capitalist and treats his employees as slaves, giving raises only because the state has increased the minimum wage. He’s raising wages a little bit every year only because the state requires it, and would have everyone at minimum wage if he could. 6. Husband is on the verge of a psychotic break from all the stress at work, finances, and taking care of me (I’m disabled and he’s my official caretaker). I want to help with the finances, and am doing my best by making and selling quilts .  Thus far I've had very little luck in regards to people actually buying my work. 7. We generally hate the area and it benefits neither of us to remain here. We simply can’t afford to actually move, but we know where we want to move to (Springfield, Oregon, but currently living in Prineville, Oregon).  There are well-paying jobs in that area, rent is affordable, and the air quality is fantastic. We’ll need a minimum of $3k.  Why?   We can’t physically pack and move everything ourselves.  Our physical health will be put at serious risk of injury.  We have a lot of heavy furniture and no one to help us pack and move it.   I cannot physically help beyond packing smaller things and putting the boxes in piles for Husband to move them with a dolly.  He will be doing all the heavy lifting on his own, risking serious injury.  We need to hire professionals or people in general to at least help us move everything into a truck we rent.  UPDATE: *Husband may have found the help we need to load the truck, but we won't know for sure until July.* Then there’s the cost of the rental moving truck (U-Haul or Penske). We’ll likely put a lot of our things in storage and rent a smaller place if we can’t find a place of similar size to what we’re living in now (a double wide, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, trailer/manufactured home). Husband says he’s fine with a one or two bedroom, and I’d get the largest room/space for my sewing and home-activity stuff because I’m home 90% of the time and need the space. We also need to put money together to apply for housing (prices range from $20/adult to $50/adult), security deposit, and first month's rent.   My SSDI (social security disability income) is $752/month, which covers most of our monthly bills, but not nearly enough to be livable or help out with the move save for paying bills. All funds selling my quilts will be applied to the move. The stained glass quilt would cover half the cost. If all the others sold before the move, that'd be fabulous and take a lot of the stress off our shoulders.

[queerlytical]

Cried in front of my manager - 22/07/2020

Third consecutive manager I’ve cried in front of.. Will it ever end? Maybe one day I’ll be the boss and I’ll be back to crying to myself.

Today was overall okay but I feel shitty now so here we are.

I had a catch up with my manager.  One of our regular development catch ups to talk about my progress against targets, feedback etc.

And I had some feedback she was passing on:

Apparently I come across like I don’t care.  My manager tried to put it nicely after she said that and switched it to “laid back”.

 I constantly say “I think” and therefore don’t give people confidence in what I do

and I don’t come across confidence in general.

I really struggle when I get criticism.  Even though I can understand it and agree with it, it’s hard to hear out loud.  (I totally blame the Taurus in me.)  I am very quick to want to defend myself but I can’t really do that in these types of meetings and to an extent I have to understand because I’m the junior.

The trouble is I know that the people who had said I come across like I don’t care are people who have very little to go on and hardly know me.

But I think what upsets me the most is I put work before a LOT of things in my life.  I literally did a 13 hour day today and I don’t do overtime unless I think it’s worthwhile. I’ve lost 2 or 3 relationships because I am too focused on my exams. I am still putting exams before my love life.  Literally the other week I was thinking about ditching my hopes of a relationship/wife lifestyle and going all out for the career-only type womxn. 

It feels like such a kick in the teeth when people say shit that suggests that I don’t care. It’s like I am trying. I try so hard, with little help from people even when I’m asking for help and I still get this. What’s the point?

Is my personality so appalling that I literally have to be a fake person to get people to fucking like me?!  I’m not even a cold person!!! I’m just a queer, alternative looking womxn who has social anxiety a lot of the time because people don’t make me comfortable unless I know them.  And the reason I’m not comfortable is because of shit like this and how people interpret me. 

It’s times like these when I wonder - if I was a cis-het guy would I get the same fucking treatment/assumptions made about me?!  How is it that when men are cool and aloof it’s seen as hot and mysterious but with me I’m just a fucking outcast.

I have literally stressed myself out about work the last few weeks to try and get ahead and it left me in tears on Friday and I ended up speaking to a mental health first aider. 

Now I know this feedback though, it’s going to make it worse, in a way, because now I’m going to have my guard up around these people who have made these accusations about me because I’m going to be wondering “what other mistakes are they going to make about me” and if they feel they can make these assumptions so quick then it’s already going to be much harder to show them it’s not true.  I refuse to “suck up” to people higher up than me.  It feels like that’s the suggestion and I just hate that culture.

It’s also interesting though because of the attitude/culture of my first job.  It was like “be chill”, “we’re chill”, “the only time you need to be super formal is in front of the client”.  And now in my current job, we don’t have clients in the same sense. Now I do work for the next person in the chain etc.. But for some reason it feels like there’s a push to be more formal?! Ugh. We’re supposed to be moving away from the toxic parts of office culture aren’t we?!  Am I not allowed to show a bit of personality in my emails?!

This type of stuff makes me feel so unappreciated in my job.  My manager was trying to reassure me but it’s so difficult when my manager and I don’t work directly with each other so her reassurance is very easy to just ignore. But she said some nice things about how I’m vital in the team and that I’m good at certain things and that I’m doing really well in my exams.  That was nice to hear because I thought she’d been annoyed at me for coming to Spain too.

I am glad I am moving team in October now.  I feel ready for it.  Part of me just wants to up and go back to a consulting job because at least I know more about consulting still and it’d be easy to build myself up and show off whereas trying to start at the bottom again maybe is turning out to be more bother than I thought.

I’ve not even got onto the bit about confidence yet.  The nail in the coffin was that my feedback was yet again “you need to show confidence”.  I have had this feedback consistently for 8 years now.  8 years I have worked hard, got good reviews but always, always, with the “you need to show confidence” disclaimer. 

I don’t come across confident to people higher up than me in work.  I just don’t.  I am intimidated by them and I am also hyper aware of what I do and don’t know.  And the fact of it is, with work, it’s true that I don’t know much in depth.  How can I exude confidence when I know this little surface layer of something? When I am literally a fake person trying to show myself as like I know stuff when I only know a fraction?! I know a drop in the ocean.  And while everyone else doesn’t know everything there is to know, I am still very aware that I’m a junior and I don’t know much yet.  

And it sucks because when I step away from what people are saying and back into my own bubble again, I can see how far I’ve come.  I am not the shy and anxious person I was at high school.  I enjoy meeting new people now.  I can hold conversations with people I have just met.  I got through depression and anxiety.  I got out of a toxic work environment.  I got (mostly) out of an eating disorder. I got past an 18-month slump in my exams where I passed nothing and decided to still carry on and push through.  

And yeah, I still have improvements to make and places to go but how much of the backstory do people know? Answer is, fuck all.

I don’t know where to get confidence from for my work. I am given very few opportunities to present so I don’t get to practice that part often. I don’t get much chance to chat/socialise with people higher up, which has got worse since lockdown started too.  So it is difficult to feel comfortable around those types of people. Like I need a helping hand and an ounce of understanding from people before I become this amazing confident person they all want me to be but just seems like people want everything straight from the start.

Rant over xo

[skamfrance]

Interviewer : You can find SKAM on france tv and on other platforms.

Hi Axel!

Axel : Hello!

I : How are you?

A : I’m great, what about you?

I : Axel, how do you manage to have this much energy? I know people usually ask me this, but you’re currently on tour all around the country with your show ‘Une vie sur mesure’, and not ‘Une vie meilleure’, as I’ve been saying (mumbled, i don’t understand the rest of his sentence). ‘Une vie meilleure’ is a movie. I confused the two of them.

You’ve just finished filming season 3 and 4 of SKAM. We’ll explain the special format soon, you filmed both seasons together. You’ve just come back from filming a movie and you’re going back tomorrow. How are you living? What’s going on?

A : Listen, it’s cool, you have to enjoy it and I’m really happy and aware of how lucky I am to be able to live out my childhood dreams. But I’m also aware of how ephemeral it can be and that you have to work. You have to enjoy your opportunities but also be aware that everything can be over tomorrow. You have to live everything out as much as possible. This is insane and amazing.

I : And how old are you, Axel?

A : I’m 21.

I : You’re 21. I’d like to say, I’ve seen the first two seasons of SKAM. I just saw the last two, or at least the 3rd one, the leaked episodes. Leaked episodes? No, the ones that came out.

This season is amazing. First of all, we’ve been waiting for LGBT representation for a long time. We can find them after 18 years old, but not never from the point of view of a high school life. I know it’s been good for a lot of young people, I’m thinking about the kids from Le Refuge (French LGBT organisation that’s a shelter for LGBT kids who’ve been kicked out of their homes) who are listening to us. Just for that, congrats on having had the choice to do this role. It’s not an obvious choice for lots of actors. I know it was never a problem for you, but it is for a lot of actors.

On a technical level, this season is extraordinary. The use of lights has nothing to do with first two seasons. I’m only saying that because of cinema fans who might have skimmed over the first two seasons. I’m telling you, this is on another level. I was amazed - not that I didn’t like the first seasons-, I was amazed by this one.

When you got the script, did you know it was well above the first two seasons? Did you realise it? And did you understand that it would be so good on a technical level? The technical work on the lighting is great, especially considering the fact that I know you have really long filming days. 8... 18 usable minutes per day?

A : No, no, it’s about 12 to 14 minutes minimum.

I : Why don’t you explain to us the SKAM experience, after this onslaught of questions?

A : I at least felt, not that it was gonna be above, far from it, but that it was gonna be different. Because for one, for the first two seasons, David Hourregue, the director, and even the writers, we’d signed a contract with France TV... I mean, ‘we signed’, I didn’t sign anything, but they signed the fact that they really had to stick to the original, be the same narrative framework, be close to the original script, and the camera angles, and the story.

So they had this constraint of the Norwegian version in this french adaptation.

I : It was crazy, a huge success over there.

A : And I understand that! It talked about the teenage years and really important matters.

I : With a different tone.

A : With a different tone, not overly emotional. And in this third season, from the beginning, David... David Hourregue, the director, who’s a magnificent conductor, to be able to make 14 usable minutes of footage every day, it’s truly... He’s an amazing team leader, and always with benevolence. He knows how to direct each person with different words, but always in an admirable way... Uhm, he immediately set his conditions, meaning he really wanted this season to be true to his vision, he wanted to be able to change some things from the framework, so that it wouldn’t be a copy and paste from the original.

So right from the beginning, when he showed me the script...

I : Had you seen the original version?

A : Yes, I’d seen it. I’d seen it. And it reassured me too, because it’s true that the characters came from us a lot more, he took inspiration from us because he knew us, to write the characters and to write Lucas’ evolution.

I : He’s a very dreamlike character, he’s a bit like you. We’ll talk about it later.

A : Do you think so?

I : Yeah. He’s a bit like you. There are a lot of differences, but I think he’s a bit like you, in regards to the poetry or the dreamlike quality... He’s someone who could be from the 18th century, the 19th century...

A : That’s nice.

I : It’s a compliment!

A : I’m glad I came!

I : Did you work on... When you got the script, did you tell yourself, ‘okay, when it come to gay representation, or just the representation of a high shcool, love story, but between two guys...” Did you need to look for other movies, or novels? Did you do research work on this? Did you just go on the set spontaneously, as an actor, without any research beforehand.

A : No, no there was research work before. I saw Call Me By Your Name, I saw Moonlight, I saw The Office. Not for the LGBT representation, but for references David wanted me to have. I also did a lot of preparation with Maxence Danet-Fauvel, who plays Eliott.

I : He’s amazing, the two of you have an incredible chemistry.

A : He’s a genius, it was a really beautiful meeting with him. We got very lucky, and we did a lot of work beforehand to have this chemistry, and to know and trust each other. So that when we got on the set, we could just let Maxence and Axel go and really be in character. We trusted the whole team.

You were talking earlier about the photography, and I would like to thank Xavier Dolleans, who’s doing amazing work. He’s an unbelievable operating chief. To do 12 to 14 minutes of usable footage everyday... I don’t know if you guys realise this, it’s truly a lot...

I : 12 to 14 minutes, it’s 12 to 14 minutes of scenes that can be used in the cutting room. Usually, it’s 2 to 3 minutes in movies and 5 to 7 minutes for tv shows. It’s a lot.

A : And to be able to have this maturity with the light, and...I saw him manage his team and it’s really a fantastic team, and it was a team which was dedicated to this story, and everyone really wanted to...There was a week when we did at least three hours of overtime every day. 

And there was really a thing where every one was carried by the same energy, and to really...give life to this story, which we all thought was beautiful, and the whole team was really motivated and that also really contributed to the fact that we really had fun, we really enjoyed ourselves, and it really has been a crazy experience to live as these characters and to live this story.

I : And did you know...did you see what we call the rush combo (??), did you realise that from a technical standpoint it was superior? I’m really impressed by the editing, the filming, the music. I actually texted you about this when I watched the episodes. I really liked seasons 1 and 2, but here, we’re clearly at the next level, especially since I know you were filming 18 usable minutes a day, which is huge. Did you realise that you were going to the next level?

It’s promising for seasons 5-6, which are coming soon.

A : No, season 4.

I : But you’re filming seasons 5-6 soon, right?

A : Uh... No. Not that I’m aware of. I might not be invited.

I : Oh, well, we’ll talk about it. So, for now, season 3 is filmed and season 4...

A : Season 4 is also filmed.

I : It’s also filmed.

A : But for seasons 5-6, we don’t have any news yet.

I : Yes, but it’s so successful, it would surprise me if you didn’t... you have to say it’s really successful. It’s even more successful than the first two seasons if I’m not wrong. I know you’re humble and won’t say it. I’m telling you, it’s smashing everything on the platform.

A : Yes, it’s crazy, and we’re so happy. We see people’s reactions, and we get messages in which... young people tell us it can help them, give them confidence, show them they’re not alone. An we realised, and I realised more and more while we were filming, while trying to live this story, how difficult it could be for young people today. That it was still relevant.

I : What do you mean, you realised it?

A : Because the character ends up having to lie, to hide his feelings...

I : Did you meet people, I’m thinking about all those young people from Le Refuge who are listening to us.... Did you meet young people who... Because, in your life, you’ve met people who...

A : I met people around me, I have friends who... I have a friend who came out two years ago. And to see how the way people look at you can change too, people who said they were your friends and suddenly turn their backs on you...

That’s something that’s very violent and I never had to live through. I saw it through my friends. And there, I was at the center of the story, and even if it wasn’t my life, when I got on the set, and I was Lucas and we were filming scenes where things were going badly, I realised what this could be like in real life, at least at my scale.

And I also realise how important it is. That’s why the message from the show is that, even if society gives more and more importance to assholes who think they have a right to judge other people, well, you’re not alone, and love prevails, love will win and you have to be proud of who you are.

You have a right to love a girl, to love a guy, to change, and it’s really important to say you have a right to do that, and that a love story like Lucas’ and Eliott’s is beautiful, and that’s what you should remember.

I : And have you gotten... I know we had Medhi Meskar for the show Les Engagés (french web serie about LGBT activists; it’s amazing, you should watch it) and he said he got quite a few messages from young gays from the Maghreb, I got some when I was on Clem (another tv show). Have you gotten messages... you blew up and social media recently and you deserve it, I’m really happy for you, but did you get messages from young people saying thank you?

A : A lot, yeah! And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about! We started the show, and that’s true... Maxence and I had a drink together, which ended pretty late... And we told each other the purpose of the show was to have an experience above everything else and on top of that, to help even just one young person to be able to accept themselves to realise they could and should be proud of who they are. And when we get messages like that, it feels like we’ve won everything. Because this crazy experience lasts longer, and seeing what the show’s impact on people can be is amazing.

I : What did your work on this show teach you as an actor? How did it make you grow as an actor? And did you have time to look at the technical parts? I know things go really quickly on this show, but the technique is so amazing, did you take advantage of that to see how an operator works etc?

A : So, I’m super naive about technique, to be honest. I know we used the same camera as Avatar. I mean, the same model. Beyond that, I’ll admit I don’t really know... I learned that... I mean, I learned... it went really fast, so you had to be in it right away. And I was lucky, I was in every frame of the story, so you had to be quick, go from one state to the other. It was real work, getting on set and already having all of the script in your head, what moment we were shooting, to know that if I was shooting the scene from episode 9 before the scene from episode 4, to know what had happened before the episode 4 scene even though I’d just shot episode 9. It was a lot.

I : How did you do it? Did you have a notebook?

A : I did have a notebook and post it notes each day with what had happened before, what my relationship was with each character at this point, what I was thinking when I got there etc. It was a lot of work before shooting.

[thelittlestcheshire]

Hello! I’m Katie, and this is my muse Ches. If any of you were in Luxor over the summer, you know this pain in the ass so I’m probably gonna do a quick “here’s where this brat was” recap at the bottom, along with anything I’ve changed between that Ches and this Ches! I’m really excited to be back, and I’m really looking forward to roleplaying with everyone.

I also have the habit of writing crazy long bios when I do bother to write them so there’s a tl;dr for that, also some wanted connections at the bottom. I love plotting so if you ever have any ideas, feel free to come excited scream with me here or on Discord! So without further ado ♥

TWs:  Gun Violence / Murder / Death (not by Ches), Blood, Abuse (Relationship), Cheating, Mental Illnesses, Drugs/Alcohol, Overdoses (also not by Ches / did not result in death)

Is that HAILEY CHESHIRE “CHES�� ELSWOOD? Wow, they do look a lot like KATHERINE MCNAMARA. I hear SHE is a SEVENTEEN EIGHTEEN year old SENIOR who originally attended CARNIFEX Academy. Word is they are an ARISTOCRAT student. You should watch out because they can be IMPULSIVE and STUBBORN, but on the bright side they can also be ENERGENIC and LOYAL. Ultimately, you’ll get to see it all for yourself. [KATIE, 23, EST, SHE/HERS]

Last Edit: 8/26/2020

♥ basics; Full Name: Hailey Cheshire “Ches” Elswood Preferred Name: Ches Elswood Age: 18 Birthday: July 19th, 2002 at 03:22 am Sexual Orientation: Biromantic bisexual Relationship Status: It’s complicated ( @ Elliot ) Occupation: Student Nationality: American [with French dual citizenship] Ches’s Car

♥ classes;

Anthropology

Shakespearean Studies

Linguistics

Latin

Music

Advanced Sociology

Advanced Psychology

World History

♥ extracurriculars;

National Honor Society

Theater Club (Actor)

Concert Band (Piano)

♥ background; Place of Birth: Paris, France Hometown: Manhattan, New York, New York Health Issues: Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD, not that she likes to admit to it, however. She’s also highly allergic to the Perciformes family of fish (tuna, mackrel, perch , and bass). While she’s okay with the  salmoniformes (Salmon and Trout), she really doesn’t touch fish outside of... literally salmon she makes herself since that’s all she trusts ok. ((Shellfish is fine though) Traumas: Watching her mother die (mugging gone wrong/shot to death)

♥ physical; Face Claim: Katherine McNamara Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Red Height: 5′3 ½” (not at fc height quick side note) Weight: 115 lbs Tattoos, Birthmarks, Scars, etc: Mole above her belly button, a few moles on her thighs, freckles and face moles. (Face Ref 1, Face Ref 2,  Body Ref 1, Body Ref 2) . She also has a tattoo now.

♥ zodiac;

Tropical

Sun: Cancer Moon: Scorpio Mercury: Cancer Venus: Virgo Mars: Leo Jupiter: Cancer Saturn: Gemini Uranus:  Aquarius Neptune: Aquarius Pluto: Sagittarius Lilith: Aries N Node: Gemini

Placidus Orb

I ASC: Gemini II: Cancer III: Cancer IV: Leo V: Virgo VI: Libra VII: Sagittarius VIII:  Capricorn IX: Capricorn X MC: Aquarius XI: Pisces XII: Aries

♥ relatives;

Father’s Full Name: Edward Valentine Elswood Father’s Status: Alive Father’s Occupation: CEO/Owner of a multi-billion dollar luxury goods conglomerate  (net worth of 50+ Billion in fact - in turn, Elswood kids do NOT bat an eyelash at prices) Mother’s Full Name: Julia Andrieux Elswood Mother’s Status: Deceased [shot by a mugger on the twin’s 8th birthday] Future Step-Mother: Rebekah Carroll (soon to be Elswood, watch this space lol) Step-Mother’s Occupation:  Siblings: 6 brothers and sisters (family page here) Elswood-Carroll Children Oldest to Youngest:

Logan Elswood (24)

Jamie Elswood (22)

Emmett Elswood (19)

Cade Carroll (19)

Jonah / Ches Elswood (TWINS)

Flynn Carroll (16)

Effie Elswood (14)

Ella Elswood (10)

She also has a niece named Isabella (Belle) who’s now almost 8 months (DOB: 07/10/2019). Belle belongs to her oldest brother, Logan (and Belle’s mother isn’t in the picture).

This is a link to the Elswood family page if you’d like to know more about her family.

♥ relationships; Ex-Significant Other(s): Probably a handful of people tbh, hit me up if you want this as a WC Reason for Separation: Stuff not working out, Ches getting bored before she got attached, so on - she’s a flirt tbh, it takes her wanting to get invested for her to stay Current Significant Other: N/A

♥ misc;

Hobbies and Talents: Ches’s main hobbies are playing piano and archery (she forever misses her bow and arrow while she’s at school), as these are also the two things that are best at calming her down. She has an intense love for acting, so it’s not uncommon for her to be one of the first people to sign up for auditions, and she tends to sing a lot so musicals are truly her shit. It’s not uncommon to see her in the library, reading a book late a night.

However, a talent she doesn’t exactly own up to often is her talent for forgeries and lockpicking. While she doesn’t use these skills as they’re intended for often, she does tend to practice them a lot, so she’s not rusty for when they are actually useful.

Pinterest Section // Musings Tag // Playlist (it’s an in general Ches playlist tho)

Ches speaks English and French fluently, her mother was born and raised in Paris so she learnt them both at the same time

DO NOT CALL HER HAILEY unless you really want to end up on her shit list, it’s her biggest pet peeve, she will glare at you for hours.

She’s the mom friend if your mom friend also goes “I HAVE THE BEST IDEA” and drags you into trouble. Literally, the one who frets over you and proceeds to get you into trouble.

This muse does what she wants, I just write it down I apologize always for her

Doesn’t really... seriously date too much because of past situations (Her older brother slept with the first person she truly loved) and she tries to avoid falling in love

That being said platonic I love yous are her shit, she loves her friends a LOT

Ches is very serious about her studying (and wanting to be among the best of the best because - this girl has Ivy league college dreams and she has no intents on fucking those up), so like expect her to do shit like read an entire textbook at the start of school and study at midnight when her insomnia is kicking her ass.

She’s a bit of a closet nerd - if you look under her bed she has a chest of comic books, she’ll just lie if you ask her about them

Ches left Luxor due to a family emergency in October, it was a really hard decision (and it was a really hard decision to come back). She is just now coming back to school.

She got her tattoo while she was away from school, using a forged note of parental consent in New Jersey.

♥ bio;

TWs: Gun Violence, Murder, Death, Blood, Abuse (Relationship), Cheating, Mental Illnesses

Growing up as an Elswood means two things, you have a lot of siblings and a lot of money. Her parents had decided to raise their children in Manhattan, New York, where they could keep a close eye on their multi-billion dollar conglomerate. Her mother, Julia, would take them on trips constantly too - when she wanted to get the children away from the hustle and bustle of the city they’d go to their vacation home upstate, or their private island, or even to visit their family in Paris. At that point in life, Ches was happy. She had a solid group of friends, she had the best friend she could ever imagine having in the form of her twin brother, she had a loving and warm family, and she had a parent who would tell her no.

When she thinks back to her life before the incident, it feels like a completely different story. A fairytale even, perfect and happy in every way compared to her life now. However, it wouldn’t last, after all, fairy tales didn’t exist and reality was a much crueler mistress. One could say Lin-Manuel Miranda described it best; “life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes.”

Everything changed on her eighth birthday when her mother took her out shopping to get a present for twin brother Jonah at Palisades Mall. A man came up with a gun while they were in the parking lot and asked for all of their money. Julia Elswood compiled but she made one mistake, the simple utterance of “Cours, Ches” as she gave the man her purse.

Ches might have gotten out of the event alive, but not she was not unscathed. Julia Elswood was pronounced dead when medics finally arrived on the scene, her blood coating her daughter’s hands and clothing from Ches’s attempts to stop the bleeding. She might have survived the event without physical harm but she was never the same child she was before after that.

One day she had an intact family, the next day the Elswoods were in ruin. Her father completely shut himself out from the family, only coming out for birthdays and holidays. Her oldest brother stepped up as their parental figure, first starting out with homeschooling before he eventually dropped out to ensure his siblings were getting as much of his time as they possibly could. He tried his hardest to make the loss of their mother easier on the younger girls especially, given how young they were at the time. She helped him with the girls as much as she could (and overtime she slowly started filling the role as their second parent). Because of how busy the younger Elswood children kept him, sometimes Logan didn’t have the time to comfort Ches when she woke up in the middle of the night, haunted by their mother.

That was when Emmett stepped in. It wasn’t uncommon for him to sleep on her floor so he’d be there when she woke up terrified out of her mind, and he was there when she just eventually stopped sleeping like people tended to. Over time she realized that Jonah and her weren’t truly two peas in a pod the way they used to be, that Emmett was the only Elswood who truly got her. He wasn’t perfectly normal either, his thoughts and feelings were flawed like hers.

In a family that made her feel so broken at times, Emmett was a saving grace - a reminder she wasn’t alone.

Going to school in Carnifex was an easy decision when you felt so alone at home, at school she found a close group of people she loved and cared about - she felt less alone and less like her family were judging her, and when the feeling came up - she could always toss herself back into her schoolwork and pretend that maybe, just maybe, she was just a normal kid living a normal boring life. Family issues easily bred vulnerability though, and it was that vulnerability that was exploited not long before she was set to start Carnifex.

Long-distance relationships weren't’ supposed to be easy, but when she fell in love for the first time. At the time, she had thought she was as fucked up as she could ever be, that at this point she was just focused on healing the wounds her mother’s death had left in therapy and after that, everything would be fine. James Ruth quickly showed her how mistaken she had been, even now she doesn’t like thinking about everything he had done to her. She doesn’t discuss everything he had put her through in the time they were together nor does she have any intentions on truly discussing the worst of the abuse she endured while dating him and she was home - even in therapy. It did, however, have an effect on her, it made her terrified of truly falling in love with somebody again.  (Note: James is also a massive reason why she doesn't get along with her brother Jamie, the two Elswood siblings never recovered from Jamie sleeping with Ches’s boyfriend. It causes a good deal of tension in the Elswood home but Ches can’t just forgive him, her brother never even apologized for his actions, she wasn’t going to pretend he didn’t hurt her because her father wanted them to get along for his own sake. They were on the rocks before this and afterward, the tension just got a whole lot worse.)

Going back to Carnifex her sophomore year was a key factor in helping Ches get away from her relationship, and it became as much of a home for her than her actual home was the longer she attended. Sure, she still misses her younger sisters, she misses Emmett and Camellia, and she misses her friends in the city. She also dislikes just how restricted she truly is when it comes to Instagram and trying to grow her influence while she attends Carnifex. Networking had to wait until she was home and sometimes she questions why she decided boarding school was a good idea. And then Ches looks at her friends, at the education she’s receiving, and all the fond memories she’s developing. Carnifex, and now Luxor, was well worth the fear of missing out she feels. 

If you had asked her at the start of this school year, she would have told you nothing could have gotten her to leave school for any amount of time her senior year, she had spent the whole summer at Luxor (even after hearing about her baby niece, that meant a lot) - she finally settled in, she couldn’t imagine anything happening that would cause her to leave the academy. And then, on October 16th at two am in the morning, she got a phone call from Ella. Their oldest brother, Logan, had overdosed. While his drug addiction had never been a secret to the family, his relapse had been a surprise to Ches. Her brother had sworn up and down he was fine, that everything at home was okay. Going back to New York was a no brainer, her family needed her - and she needed them.

Logan, who’d been the closest thing to a parent she had since her mother died, almost died - she almost lost all the parental figures she ever knew. It was hard, getting adjusted back to New York City, she threw herself into her school work and did her best to fill the shoes Logan left open as he went through rehab, and then, adjusted back to being home. While she stayed in touch with the people she had at Luxor, she wouldn’t come back until her brother way okay - until she felt safe about leaving him with his daughter and their siblings without her as a backup. Coming back to school this time was really hard on her, the homesickness is worse than ever and she’s constantly trying to check in on her siblings (because mom!Ches is truly in full force and she’s trying to get it back down) but she’s glad to be back. She’s missed being at Luxor, a lot, so she’s glad to be back.

TLDR / quick important notes bio recap for rereads:

Ches’s mother was murdered on her 8th birthday in front of her

She was raised by her oldest brother, Logan, and is NOT close to her father really. She also helped raise her younger sisters and is very protective of them.

The Elswood she is closest to is Emmett, Jonah and her grew apart after her mother’s death.

Ches’s first real love was James (an NPC), they dated (entire)Freshman-(mid)Sophomore years, it was abusive (much more than Ches will ever discuss unless she gets majorly close to someone and they HAVE to know (cough still hasn’t happened though cough)) and Ches is now terrified of falling in love again. Her messy as fuck relationships & exes all start after this point.

Ches’s history at Luxor is pretty much in-tact, changes will be below in another section!

Ches left Luxor because of her oldest brother, Logan, overdosing. He is alive but she stayed in NYC until he was out of rehab / stabilized in order to take care of her younger siblings and her niece, Belle.

Notable Luxor Notes:

Anything relating to Thomas (for those of you who know what I mean) really hasn’t occurred, so if you mention it she’ll just be like “who?” This seems like the easiest course of action given how things were left off

Other muses of note I’m not going to account for are: Asher (more will be added as needed).

Ches isn’t a member of the Churchill Circle (I’m leaning towards was never one either just because the reasons she joined are no longer a factor so... she probably wouldn’t have ever joined)

If anyone wants to change history and/or keep it intact, feel free to dm me to let me know and I’ll update this accordingly. 

Wanted Connections:

Exes (when Ches dates it’s not for long, but she’s definitely the type to be like “I’ll go out with you” if asked and then... dump you if she thinks she’s getting too attached. So her exes are either on good terms, neutral terms, or they probably dislike her a lot)

Former friends with benefits - while Ches is no longer taking on new ones because of Elliot (and is starting to wean off her current ones), I’m always willing to headcanon past things!

FRIENDSHIPS  (I am weak af for a good friendship plot, never be afraid to be like “hey can our muses be friends” the answer is legit always yes)

Enemies (Ches can... be a lot so it’s not unlikely she’s pissed people off ok)

[rioniarts]

welp, gang! not only another year is coming to an end, but it also marks the end of a decade. i’ve been drawing for over 10 years now, so i figured i should do a decade of art just to show off my work over the years!

if you want to read my retrospect of each year, it’ll be under the read more! heads up, it is a bit of a doozy.

TL;DR: just all around happy with how much i improved over the years and i can’t wait to see what 2020 will bring!

2009 (11-12 yrs old)      at this point, I’m on my second year of drawing (both traditionally and digitally!) This year mainly consisted of either oc art or drawings of my best friends at the time, but there was some fanarts sprinkled here and there. I also did my first animation piece around this time too tho it’s private now :3c i may show it off one day...

2010 (12-13 yrs old)     I got my first drawing tablet for Christmas 2009 and this is when i went ham on my digital drawings. this year was kinda weird i guess? i started experimenting a more cartoony style on some artworks, though the majority are still anime inspired.

2011 (13-14 yrs old)     ah yes...... the year i found out about homestuck.... well, i found out about it on the second half of the year. the first half was all about my ocs. this was because around this time (or late 2010? i dont remember exactly) i discovered flipnote hatena, where I did tons of animations including my ocs. but once i discovered homestuck, that was all i posted for a while lol. this was also the year I made my tumblr account. oh and I also lost my tablet pen for a few months so some of the drawings from this year were made with a mouse.

2012 (14-15 yrs old)     I started falling out of deviantArt and became more active on tumblr. I mellowed out on the homestuck drawings a bit and posted other stuff. this year was kinda similar to 2010, where my artstyle was kinda all over the place. the second half of the year I discovered a super obscure browser dating sim called Star Project and became a part of the roleplaying community so plenty of my artworks revolved on my muse Souta and the game as a whole. 2013 (15-16 yrs old)     this year was really quiet in terms me posting art. i had been constantly doodling both traditionally and digitally but I never got around to posting the majority of them. this was mainly because I was so busy with school. on the flipside however, I discovered Earthbound and i hecking fell in love with it ♥

2014 (16-17 yrs old)     still relatively quiet but i posted more than 2013 lol. Earthbound drawings galore! i also did posted more oc work, including my gal Usako. I haven’t posted her anywhere in a long time though. i have been redesigning her and i’ll show it off sometime in the future!

2015 (17-18 yrs old)     ahh, here we go! now we’re picking up the pace! i graduated from high school this year and started posting more often. splatoon came out this year and I was constantly drawing them squidkiddies! (tho tbh my rin and len drawing is my fav) this was also the year I got Manga Studio (an older version of Clip Studio Paint) but I still used Paint Tool Sai. this was also the first year i did commissions!

2016 (18-19 yrs old)     this year was really interesting tbh. lots of really neat works and i started to do more backgrounds. this was also the year I (attempted) to do my webcomic! i haven’t updated that thing in a long time tho. I want to reboot it one of these days. but anyways, good mix of fanart and oc works. really, this year was great.

2017 (19-20 yrs old)     this was the year i made this very art blog and my instagram account! (which i haven’t advertised here at all but here’s the link lol) i think it was around this point i found my own artstyle that i want to more or less stick to! of course, it was going to change overtime, but compared to the years prior, my artstyle at this point has been more consistent. this was also the year i attempted to start an oc askblog with a friend of mine but it haven’t gone far ;w; def want to try again one of these days!

2018 (20-21 yrs old)     this year was also really nice! i moved to a new university to get a major in animation. quite a few persona 5 and kingdom hearts drawings here and there since i was like love with both of those games (even tho kh3 wasn’t even out at that point, but i was still hyped omg) i also introduced Cimmaria and Nicktornal for a future story that i’m currently developing! i also made a full move to Clip Studio Paint after Paint Tool Sai wouldn’t load on my new computer.

2019 (21-22 yrs old)    last year of the decade and i left it with quite a bang! I def posted more often. i did missed a few months, but then i would come back with a bunch more works to post! I discovered Artfight from a friend so that kept me busy during the month of july! made a couple more animations too since of course i will be doing more of it for university. 

So, what’s my 2020 art resolution?

Def want to keep posting! try to go for at least 4 artworks per month, one for each week.

experiment more on backgrounds, perspective and composition!

post more oc artworks! i haven’t been posting much about them for the past few years but I really want to change that. there is one oc i am definitely introducing to you all! here’s a hint: it is a Dungeons and Dragons character. I will show them off when the time is right uwu

continue developing on story ideas and sticking to it! i’ve noticed that i usually start on projects only then to drop them later on. I really want to revive them and work on it!

continue working on animation! if all goes well, i’ll be taking animation classes in fall of 2020 so i need to start prepping more!

and of course, continue improving my art!

that’s all i have in mind! if you got this far, thank you guys so much for reading this wall of text lol. I promise that will do as much as I can to fulfill these resolutions! onwards to 2020 and beyond!!

[shellsan]

Here: Have a life update in case anyone on this hellsite cared. Warning: Way longer than anticipated.

So, unlike my original plan of going home in December for an entire month to work while being there for all the important things that are happening (My sisters showcase, then her 21st, then Christmas, then my Bday which I didn't care to be home for but, I guess I will be anyway), I'm also going home for a month again now.

I had literally just gotten to my house after the 8 hour drive from a weekend home for my youngest sisters first musical when my old manager sent me a text and asked me if I wanted to come home and work for a month or so. For context: My older sister is currently on placement for her final year of paramedical science for 7 weeks, and she was covering 30 hours worth of the daytime shifts, and one of the few competent workers they had. With her away and her not being able to be there because she's working on something important for the next 4 months, she's a little desperate.

Long story short, I agreed to go and sort it out with my current workplace (which is the same company but a different location) and decided to head home for those 4 weeks. The main motivator for this is money, since I'm literally going from $250 a week and 15/16 hours to around $500 a week and 30/32 hours (which is the max before overtime) which means I'm doubling my money and lowering my living costs because when i'm home I don't have to pay for food, and the workplace is closer so it's less fuel per week.

It also takes care of the one thing that I stress over the most these days, which is money. After all my expenses, I've been struggling to be able to put money aside for savings, which has been a huge issue that's become almost obsessive? Any time someone suggests doing something, I just kinda want to scream because, yes, I'd love to go and see that movie, or go out op-shopping, or do something fun, maybe get lunch, but I also know that I'll beat myself up for it for weeks afterwards, regretting the spend of money I didn't need to make, to the point where it's unhealthy? And every time I think that I'm good, manage to pick up some extra hours and have some extra money there to cover things, another bill comes in that's higher than I expected and I freak out all over again because now the extra money I thought I was going to have is gone, and I have the same as I would have had any other weeks.

So that means that going home and doubling my income for a month should be great, all positives, and I shouldn’t stress further right?

Here are several other things I've realised since agreeing that are stressing me out.

I now only have less than a week to get my things organised for while I'm away, namely cleaning my room so that it's spotless, and the adjoining bathroom that I have.

It's going to once more disrupt my writing schedule. I'm going to be working way more than I have for most of the year, and that means that I'm going to be more tired, and it's going to put me behind again. Not only am I still in the middle of a major edit/rewrite over two of my stories, but I have so many other projects that I've had the urge to work on and it's stressing me out a lot because I spent half of this year on a strict schedule, and every moment I’m off of it, I feel like I’m letting everyone who reads, and myself, down.

I have to cart any of my hobbies things, and writing things, home for a month, because otherwise I'm not going to be able to work on anything.

I'm not going to have the same personal space as I have previously.

I'm going to have to deal with my father for an entire month. I could barely last two weeks, so this is probably my biggest worry. The reason I moved out so early on, despite not starting uni until next year (and that wasn't even planned just yet), was because he stresses me out. I love him, but we've never seen eye-to-eye and I can't hold a conversation with him to save my life. Usually I just avoid him like the plague, but in a month, there's going to be some moments where that isn't the case.

Japanese Class. I currently go to Japanese every wednesday night for two hours. It's not mandatory for me to be there every week, but if I'm not there for at least 75% of the classes, then I'm not able to take the exam which grants be a certificate of proficiency, which is a piece of paper I'd really like to have (and spent good money for the chance to get). I won't know for sure how things are going to work until I speak with said teacher of Wednesday, but I can't help but imagine the worst case scenario, which is being told that I can't go for that certificate.

I have to make the drive on my own again. It’s only been a month since the last time this happened, and I’m not too concerned about it per-say, since when I’m driving, the likelihood of getting car sick lessens, but in general, long drives suck, and there’s a ton of roadworks on the highway right now that I don’t want to deal with.

I had plans for August, namely my friend circle was doing Christmas in August, since one of our friends is going to be here then, and it’s the best time for gift exchange since later in the year we’re all split, but now I won’t be here, and I might not have time to get her gift done, because I leave on Saturday, and it’s already Monday night, and I have work tomorrow, wednesday, an inspection on thursday, work friday, and then I head home.

If anyone has made it to the bottom of this update turned rant and has any advice for me, that'd be great right about now because for the first time since I've turned 18, I'm really feeling out of my depth with the adulting that needs to happen and I'm not sure what I can do other than try my best to push through everything?

[tuanyiems]

50 Questions Tag

Thanks Chelle for the tag @prettywordsyouleft c: 1. What takes too much of your time? Watching videos/dramas when I should be doing more productive things 2. What makes your day better? Good weather, tasty food, and when my friends and family make me laugh :D 3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? My sister made bomb dinner today! 4. What fictional place would you like to go to? I feel like I’m exposing myself but Shugo Chara lol I want to meet my heart’s egg haha OR Ouran High School Host Club! I want to hug Mori senpai lol 5. Are you good at giving advice? My friends keep coming back to me so I guess so? I always feel awkward about giving it though lol 6. Do you have any mental illness? Not that I know of, but I’ve also never sought professional help... 7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Almost regularly when I was a kid but not anymore. Thank god, that stuff’s scary af 8. What musician inspired you the most? Got7 has comforted me the most but in terms of inspiration, I will have to go with bts  9. Have you ever fallen in love? Once but he was a toxic person, what a waste of my love :/ 10. What’s your dream date? One where I feel relaxed enough to joke and laugh, something not too serious and with tasty food! 11. What do others notice about you? That I’m quiet. People who have known me for a little bit longer will notice that I laugh over everything or that I’m smart but also an airhead lol People who have seen me on stage know I have a switch. I’m awkward and stumble over my words but give me a script and a stage and it’s a different story. Performance Ems is a whole other girl lol 12. What is an annoying habit you have? Not so much me, but it annoys everyone around me--I can’t take a compliment and am never satisfied with my own work. 13. Do you still talk to your first love? Nah 14. How many ex’s do you have?  Three 15. How many songs are in your playlist? 1027 total in my phone but in my current fave playlist, 150 16. What instruments can you play? I used to play the violin. I’m learning the guitar and ukelele now 17. Who do you have the most pictures of? Mark Tuan but what’s new haha 18. Where would you like to go before you die? The moon. Realistically, Korea and Japan. 19. What is your zodiac? Aries 20. Do you relate to it? I’m on the cusp, Pisces-Aries and people think I suite Pisces more. I relate to my Cancer rising the most though. 21. What is happiness to you? In the wise words of Kim Yugyeom, I find happiness in the little things. They add up. 22. Are you going through anything right now? I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year four days before my bday :/  23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? When I was fresh out of a toxic relationship (ex #2) my friend convinced me to join a dating app for the first time. I joined out of fun to troll people at first but one day I was chatting with this guy and we were talking about Scrabble. He then invited me to hang out with him one night and young, innocent old me thought that we were really going to play board games at his place! ANYWAYS long story short we did NOT play any board games and I ran away as fast as I could and stayed up until 3AM ranting to my friend about how I would never join a dating app ever again lol  24. What’s your favourite store? TJ Maxx, I love their stationery and they have some pretty cheap name brand makeup! I got a Too Faced palette for 20$ and that’s half the price of what Sephora sells at! 25. What’s your opinion on abortion? Nobody’s business but her’s. 26. Do you keep a bucket list? I make a yearly bucket list in every new bullet journal I get. I only ever cross off 1 or 2 things though. I made a lifetime bucket list back in middle school but it’s lost somewhere in my diaries and I don’t remember it anymore. 27. Do you have a favourite album? Verse 2 by JJ Project is my heart album. I also really like Epik High’s Sleepless in ___________ and RM’s mono playlist too. Great playlists for writing! 28. What do you want for your birthday? My bday just passed and my sister got me the shoes I’ve been wanting yay! 29. What are most people’s first impression of you? That I’m quiet and shy (cause I am lol) 30. What age do you seem according to most people? I just turned 23 but I am often mistaken for 15-16, younger if I don’t have makeup on :c 31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? I know this is bad but I usually fall asleep with my phone in my hand or right next to my pillow. 32. what word do you say the most? Does umm count as a word? 33. What’s the oldest age you would date? As of right now, I want to be in a relationship where my partner is going through a similar stage in life as me or has just gone through it so I don’t want to go too much older. I think the oldest I’ll go is 4 years older than me. 34. What’s the youngest age you would date? I just got out of a relationship where my bf was 3 years younger than me and now I wonder if it’s too young for me. Perhaps this won’t matter to me once I get older, but for now I think I’ll only go 1 year younger. 35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? People always tell me elementary school teacher but kids scare me haha. I also get writer, artist, and therapist a lot.  36. What’s your favourite music genre? Ir&b hiphop, across all countries/languages. 37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? Japan or Korea but I’ve never been there before so I don’t really know. 38. What is your current favourite song? Epik High’s Lullaby for a Cat and Sleeping Beauty 39. How long have you had this blog for? Is there a way to find out? I made it a loooong time ago so I don’t even remember. Shoutout to my peeps who remember me when I was an emo aesthetic blog xD 40. What are you excited for? For warm spring weather to officially come and stay!  41. Are you a better talker or listener? A listener. 42. What is the last productive thing you did? I was working overtime for a while to prep for a performance. It’s been a while since I’ve done spoken performance and it was my first theatrical piece, but I’m happy I was given the opportunity to incorporate my creative hobbies into my work. 43. What do you want for Christmas? A plane ticket to anywhere warm lol 44. What class do you get the best grades in? I've been pretty good across the humanities 45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 7  46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?   In ten years I’ll be 33. Studies say people’s stress levels start to decline once you hit 33 so I hope that’s in my future lol. I also hope I’m still writing and making art. 47. When did you first get your heartbreak? In February 2014 my cat died while I was in another state for a collegiate conference and when I got the phone call I cried for the first time in over ten years.  Ex #2 was my first love and we broke up in 2017 also on my bday week (I’m seeing a trend here lol) but he was an a**hole so I don’t consider it heartbreak anymore. 48. At what age do you want to get married? lol I don’t want to get married. Unless Mark Tuan is getting down on one knee, I don’t want to get married ever. 49. What career did you want to have as a child? A writer :D 50. What do you crave right now? I don’t know if I can say that I crave this because I’ve never eaten it before, but I want to eat hotteok! Whenever they eat it on the variety shows my mouth waters! Tagging my lovelies: @tuanamino @yugyeomsauntmimi @yup-indecisive-girl-cece @ily-cyj and anyone who would like to do this c;

[petri808]

A Brush with Fate

NaLu Week 2018- Day 5 Omen prompt

 @nalu-week

Today was like any other day on the commuter, packed like sardines in a metal can.  She holds on to the strap hanger above her head as she talks to her friend on the train, leaning her head against her arm, they’ve got just a couple more stops to go before they’ll be out of this box.  Sigh, “I didn’t do as well on my finals practice exam as I’d hoped to.”

“Lu, you got an 85%, that was the 3rd highest in class,” Levy her best friend whines, “I only got 70% and besides you’ve got another 5 weeks to study...”

With the next stop coming up, the people getting off start to slowly gather near the exits, pushing through the sea of bodies, jaunted slightly by the slowing of the train.  

Lucy’s back is brushed up against, nothing special in these commutes.  “With all the studying I did, I just thought I’d get a higher…” but images flicker in her mind and she pauses midsentence.  Like a video playing rapid fire, flashes of pink, a smiling face that she cannot recognize, the letter ‘N’, pieces of a puzzle that mean something and yet nothing to the young woman.  But as quickly as the feelings hit they fizzle away and she is left standing dazed and confused.

“Are you okay?”  When Lucy is able to focus again, her friend is waving a hand in her face, “you’re totally spazing out on me.”

“Huh?” she blinks, damn it, what was that about?  “Yeah,” turning on the fake smile, “I’ll be fine Levy.”

“A-alright, well, so I was asking if you wanna check out the mall with me tomorrow?”

“Sure, Levy, I don’t have any plans…”

Safely in her apartment, Lucy flops onto her bed and stares up at the ceiling.  ‘Pink hair… a smile…’  Sigh, covering her eyes with her arm, it had been awhile since she’d had a premonition that strong so why in the middle of a train car?  ‘It must have been triggered by a person,’ she surmises as most of her visions are triggered by touching a person or object, but unfortunately it happened so fast, and with that many people around, it was hard to discern anything.  ‘Oh well, nothing I can do about it now…’

This was crunch time for the young college student, finals were in a week and all Lucy needed to concentrate on was studying.  She needed to maintain a certain GPA to keep her scholarship and there was no way she could afford to lose it.  So, focused on the internal monologue she was having, reciting chemical formulas that when the second flash of visions hit her, Lucy was jolted hard.  ‘Pink hair… a wide smile…  ‘N’…’ her heart thundered in her chest, ‘why was it beating so rapidly?’

“Yo, miss, are you okay?” the words barely registering with the blonde, “Hello?” a snapping sound, fingers maybe.  She blinks as the world comes back into focus, or is it, for the image her eyes are seeing is a fuzzy pink color.  Pink?  “Are you okay?”  Lucy nods slowly.  “That’s good, hey I’m sorry I bumped into ya’, kinda crowded in these cars.”

She looks around and realizes she’s sitting on a bench, hadn’t she been standing?  “I-It’s okay,” her voice still shaky, “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” the train is slowing down, “well, this is my stop,” he smiles wide, “take it easy now, you look kinda stressed,” he walks away with a wave.

That smile, the hair, Lucy slumps into the seat, was her premonition about this man?  The physical cues matched, but what did it mean and why did it feel like her heart was going to break through her chest?  That hadn’t happened the first time so was it just from shock or was there another meaning behind it?  ‘Ugh, I really hate this gift! Why does it have to be so cryptic?!’ Exhale, as much as she wanted to solve the mystery, it would need to wait.

Two weeks later, there’s a knock at her bedroom door, “Lu, you better get up and get ready, we’re supposed to meet Cana for lunch remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” the blonde mumbles at her roommate through the door.  School had ended a week ago and it was like her body just knew it was now summer break, so all week she hadn’t gotten up until lunch time.  Lucy loved her bf and roommate, but some days the girl’s early riser routine drove her crazy.  She grabs her phone to check the time, ‘10:00a, ugh,’ burying her face back in the pillow, guess she really did need to drag herself out of bed…

“Hey!” Cana waves at Lucy and Levy from the café.

“Sorry we’re a little late, we missed the first train,” Lucy apologizes as the pair sits down.

“I was late too,” she shrugs her shoulders, “and I took the liberty of ordering for you guys.  So,” leaning on the table, “what’s new…”

The trio stayed at the café for a couple hours, catching up on current events, gossip, and such before walking around the plaza.  Levy and Lucy were attending the same college, but Cana had opted to go straight to working for her old man at their family bar as soon as she turned 18.  She was just a waitress until she turned 21 and could bartend but eventually he expected her to take over as manager.  

“He tells me to hurry up and learn the business, so he can retire and just sit there drinking with his buddies, that bastard, so I keep threatening to quit and leave him to suffer.”

“Speaking of bars,” Lucy chimes in, “next year we all turn 21…”

“Oh, I’ll be getting plastered for sure, and we can party at my bar!”

Levy, “I don’t know what I wanna do yet.”

Lucy, “me neither.”

“Guys!  It’s like a tradition to get wasted on your 21st birthday!”

“We’ve got time to decide,” Lucy laughs.

“So, Lu,” Cana steps in front of her blonde friend, “Leo was asking about you again.”

She rolls her eyes, “I’m not interested in that flirt.”

“But you need a boyfriend!”

“I don’t need…” the color pink catches in her periphery, Lucy’s head turns just as a group of guys passes a few feet away, her sepia orbs meeting emerald green.  Neither of them stops walking as they share a slow-motion glance of recognition; it was the guy from the train.  Levy grabs her arm as the same images flash through her mind again even stronger than before, and just as she’s about to faint.  ‘Pink hair… A wide smile…  ‘N’…’  An infectious laughter rings in her ears and the scent of something spicy envelops her. The now familiar flutter in her chest, ‘But they hadn’t touched this time…’              

“Lucy!”  She feels herself being shaken.  “Snap out of it!”

“Levy, what’s going on?” Lucy hears Cana asking and can see her friends talking but her mind is still flickering through all the stimulus.

“I don’t know, I mean it happened once about a month ago, but she didn’t faint like this.

“Hey, Lucy?” now it’s Cana shaking her, “wake the fuck up!”

Slowly the blonde comes to her senses, “Stop… shaking me.  I’m awake.”

“Well don’t fucking scare us like that!”  Exhale, “What the hell happened?  Does it have to do with your premonitions, but I’ve never seen you end up so affected before.”

“C-could we not talk about this in the middle of a mall,” Lucy runs a hand over her face, “we can go back to our apartment and talk if you want.”

The three girls hail a taxi and return to Lucy and Levy’s apartment where Lucy consigns herself to the couch and Levy makes them all some tea.  Once settled with their drinks, the two other girls sit and listen intently to the blondes recounting of the 3 incidents.  She gives them all the details she can remember, but by the third one, the grin on Cana’s face is starting to grate on her nerves.

“This isn’t funny!” Lucy shrieks.  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to divine from this info!”

“Are you that daft woman, you are getting a premonition of your future husband!  You should be so lucky that it’s this easy for you to figure it out.”

“That’s not funny Cana.”

“I’m being serious. The reason the sensations kept getting stronger is probably because you weren’t believing to them.”

“And do what?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe introduce yourself, get his name, phone number, jump him, drag him to your bed, whatever.”

“Cana!”

“Lu,” Levy cuts in to stop the escalation, “you told me before your premonitions have always turned out to be accurate, right?  Which means there’s no running away from this.”

Lucy exhales, hunching over with her face in her hands, “it’s not like I know who he is or how to find him.”

Cana, “I bet you’ll see him again, seems fate’s been making you run into each other.”

“Or, it’s just a coincidence.”

“Or, it’s destiny, Lu, just admit it to yourself.”

“Ugh!  Okay fine!” throwing her hands up in defeat.  “If I see him again, I’ll at least try to talk to him…”

The tingling sensation creeping along her spine and goosebumps erupting along her arms was the only warning she needed to know the pink haired man was nearby.  Lucy closes her eyes, of course, she curses out the gods, only a week had passed, and this was already happening, guess Cana was right about it escalating.  By the time she opens them, the dream man is standing next to her table with an air of uncertainty.  ‘No surprise there.’  She gestures at the empty chair, “have a seat, did you wanna order anything, the waitress will be back soon.”

“Maybe later.” He takes a seat tentatively.  “Um, look,” running his hand through his hair as a nervous gesture, “I know we don’t know each other but it’s just…  I don’t know how to explain it but I’m trying to understand why I keep getting these weird vibes every time I run into you.  I-I mean,” gesturing like wiping the slate, “they don’t feel like bad vibes, just why am I getting them?  I remember feeling them one day on the train, but I ignored it, then the time you fainted I had them, and again when I saw you at the mall.”  Leaning forward with his head propped up, “even today, something drew me over to this café and bam, I look over and you’re sitting here.”

Lucy sits back, a little surprised that he was experiencing something.  It was clear he wasn’t getting premonitions like she did, yet somehow, he was feeling the pull as well.  ‘Well ain’t the spirits working overtime on this one.’  She sits quietly as the waitress gives brings her order and Natsu foregoes anything for himself.  Once they are alone again, she smiles, “How about we start by introducing ourselves, my name is Lucy.”  

“Oh right,” he laughs, reclining back in the chair, and there’s that wide smile again, “duh where’s my manners, I’m Natsu.”

‘N, figures that’s what it meant.’  “Well, Natsu, answer this question, do you believe in things like destiny, string of fate, soulmates, anything like that?”  

“Mmm, I’ve heard of those things, but don’t know if I really believe it or not.”

“Then what would you say if I told you those ‘vibes’ you’re feeling is fate trying to point you towards someone special.”

He sits back, “Are you trying to tell me that some mystical force is what…”  ‘Destiny, string of fate, soulmate… Soulmate!’  “… that you’re supposed to be what my future wife or something?”  Lucy just nods, watching the expressions on his face while his mind is trying to grasp what she’s telling him.  ‘Is this chick a fruit cake?  She seems normal enough, well except she did faint on me…’ “How do you know for sure that’s what it means?”

“Because,” exhale, “because I get premonitions.” He tips his head in confusion.  “Remember when I fainted?” he nods.  “That happened because I was getting flashes of images relating to you.” His eyes narrow still unbelieving.  “Okay, the first time you felt the weird vibes, it was in the train as well, right?” he nods again.  “What you probably didn’t see because maybe you were just walking by, is when you brushed up against me I had the same flashes hit me then too.  I fainted the day you saw me at the mall as well.”  Sigh, “I hate having this gift, but this is the first time I’ve ever had it affect me so strongly.”  Looking down, “I wanted to deny it all, but my friends made me promise to talk to you if I saw you again.”

He stares at her for a bit, then leans back and crosses his arms, “as crazy as your story is, I feel like you’re telling me the truth.”

“Only a handful of people know about this side of me, I don’t like to talk about it because it’s so weird.”

“Well that makes sense.”

“I don’t always understand how it all works, and it’s frustrating when I can’t figure out what I’m being shown.  Come to think of it,” she reclines in her chair, “I didn’t faint this time.” Thinking out loud, “does that mean something too,” rubbing her chin, Lucy laughs, “since I finally acknowledged you maybe fate decided I didn’t need a slap.”

“I take it back,” he grins, “you are a weirdo.”

“Ugh!  That wasn’t very nice!”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it, just that you are weird.”

Her eyes widen, “So, you don’t mind?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m gonna drop to my knee right now and propose just because the universe is telling me you’re the one.”  Lucy blushes at his insinuations.  “But would you like to go out on a date with me, just hang out sometime?”

“I think…  I’d really like that…”