#i am being so brave about finals (lying)

[rooniper]

Completely off topic for the stuff I usually post about or reblog but I just wanted to get this off my chest: IB finals schedules are such utter and complete garbage. You will not even believe. I’m out here revising three subjects at once because the Overlords have decided I’m gonna have three finals that also overlap with one another in three days. I am writing this while my laptop sits upon five books for two seperate subjects. This is the first time I’ve regained consciousness today after spending most of it completely submerged in History and I am only now realizing I had an exam that I in fact did take in the morning because it feels like it was four days ago. I don’t think I’ve replied to most of my messages in a week. While I logically know this is not the program’s fault and only a result of my own folly, thinking I could do 4 HL subjects at once, this will not stop me from whining. On the contrary, I will whine even more. Putting History and Math this close together should be illegal. It should be a warcrime. I am but a measly overdramatic tick crushed underneath the fist of my own decisions and the only thing keeping me together now is the meagre image of dark academia I have managed to maintain and my gay-ass outfits that I show up to exams in.

[delaber]

A Date (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: you have a date and Bucky’s not exactly happy about it.

Words: 3.8K

Trope: friends to lovers 💞 with a jealous Bucky trying his best to be brave, and failing horribly.

Notes: another fluff piece to mend Bucky’s heart ❤️ honestly, I have a problem with all these fluffy fics I’ve been writing recently. I just cannot stop myself lol.

"You have a date?" he manages to splutter just before the panic takes over and makes his heart skip a few beats.

Fuck!

A fucking date?!

His fingers are slipping on the wet handle of the pan he's in the midst of cleaning, and in that moment, all he can think about is how happy he is that he's currently bent over the kitchen sink so you can't make out the shocked expression on his face.

You're nodding beside him, playing with the dishtowel you're holding but Bucky can hardly make out what you're saying when you return his question with a quiet "yeah".

His ears are ringing bells and he just wants to get the fuck out of there.

Silently, he's begging for you to stop talking. He doesn't want to know more. Doesn't want to hear what you've agreed to and who you're... - fuck, what if it's someone he knows?

What if it's Sam?!

Shit!

The panic in Bucky's chest runs amok! If he walks in on his two best friends fucking, he's gonna kill himself!

With dread, he realises that he has to know how careful he needs to be around the compound...

"With - uh - with whom?" he clears his throat and curls his toes in prepared mortification, his narrowed gaze firmly fixed on a wet piece of broccoli that's lying lonely and sad at the bottom of the sink.

Please don't say Sam, please don't say Sam...

"You know the cute guy from the coffee shop?" you answer proudly, and it makes Bucky's heart spring violently back to life. That guy??? "- he finally asked me."

Well, it's not Sam - yet somehow, it's worse.

Deep breath, he tells himself and plasters on a neutral expression as he looks up from the pan and directly into your eyes.

At least you look excited, he concludes as he takes in your dreamy little smile that's usually reserved for when vibranium fingers briefly brush over your warm skin but that he now has to share with... him. The moron in the green apron. Mr I'm-too-busy-flirting-with-your-girl-to-get-your-order-right.

Fuck, he's burning up!

"That's great, sweetheart," he hears himself croak from far away, trying his best to sound like he's happy for you and not as if his heart is in the process of being ripped out of his chest. "I'm real happy for you."

"Thanks, Buck," you playfully bump your hip against his while looking down at your hands as you once again twist the towel between your fingers.

You seem almost... nervous. This date must really be a big deal to you.

He gulps and pushes away another incoming wave of nausea. It's not as if he hasn't long ago accepted that nothing will ever happen between the two of you. You're friends. That's it.

"Are you excited?" He asks without really knowing why. He doesn't want to hear your answer. To hear you verbally confirm the look you already have on your face.

Slowly you look up at him and he has to chomp down on his inner cheek to keep himself from doing something stupid.

"You know what?" you ask quietly with a tilt of your head and Bucky's heart starts racing even harder. "- I actually am."

Even you sound surprised - not that Bucky can really blame you.

"Mmh," he merely hums and pretends there's a particularly stubborn area on the dirty pan that needs his attention.

"Is that weird?" You ask.

He can feel how the sincere question in your voice laces itself around his abdomen, squeezing him tight.

Is it wrong of him to want to snap the stupid piece of teflon-coated metal in his hand in half? You're his best friend and he should just be happy you're happy.

Fuck it, he is happy! He loves you more than anything and you deserve to feel this way - he just wishes it was because of him and not someone else.

"No, sweetheart," he mumbles, trying to untie the invisible knot behind his navel as he starts scrubbing again. "Why would it be weird?"

Thankfully, you don't answer.

...

Cold droplets of water are running over your forehead and down the length of your nose, desperately trying to reduce the tension that's been resting right between your eyebrows since your conversation with Bucky last night.

Splashing your face with water is a stupid attempt to make yourself feel better - you know that - it hasn't worked the other times you've tried it and this must be the tenth attempt since you woke up this morning. The only thing that'll truly help is if Bucky would tell you what's going on.

He's been acting weird since last night, and even though you aren't sure what reaction you'd been hoping for, this definitely isn't it. You know he isn't exactly the biggest fan of the man who's taking you out for dinner later, but getting so annoyed he can barely uphold a conversation? Well, that wasn't really a scenario you'd even considered at all...

You suppose you could just tell him the truth - maybe that would make him more accepting of your choice of date - but it's not as if you can really tell him that the only reason you're going on that date to begin with is to force yourself to get over, well, him.

You've known Bucky two years now and apart from small moments here and there, nothing's happened. It's been two excruciating years full of pining and painful almosts and ifs but he clearly doesn't look at you that way and you don't want to keep putting yourself through the heartbreak. You deserve to spend your friday nights with someone who actually sees you for what you are: beautiful, smart, desirable, a woman.

And as you stand looking at yourself in the mirror, you realise that you need this date to get Bucky out of your head. Fuck if he doesn't approve of the cute guy from the coffee shop. It's none of his business who you're going out with and if he wants to be annoyed about it, then so be it.

Yet you still cannot stand the thought of him sitting by himself all night. He hasn't seemed like himself all day and you know how he can spiral over the smallest of things.

Thus, you check for Sam in the kitchen, the gym, and in the spa area in the basement of the compound, but eventually find him in the common room on the third floor, completely hypnotised as he stares at the television screen in front of him, the playstation controller grabbed tightly in his hands.

You do a quick scan around the room to confirm that it's just the two of you before you approach him. "Wilson, have you seen Bucky today?"

"Bucky? Uh - no," Sam mumbles without moving his gaze away from the animated character who's running through an abandoned city. "I assume you've already tried the dark cave he calls his room?"

"I know where he is," you sigh and flop down on the sofa next to him, stretching your legs and putting your feet in his lap. "I was just hoping that maybe you'd talked to him."

He doesn't answer apart from a few incoherent noises you're sure are for the game and not for you, so you poke at the controller with your toes to get his attention. "Sam..."

"Hey! I'm trying to save humanity from a zombie apocalypse here. Keep your stinking feet away from me," he playfully flicks the underside of your foot without sparing you a glance. "I already told you I haven't seen your siamese twin all day."

"Yeah, but do you think you could... go check on him maybe?"

"I'm busy. You go check on him."

"Sam..."

At the sound of your soft-spoken words, Sam sends you a brief side-eye before he finally tosses the controller down on the sofa table with a loud sigh. "What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything," you shake your head innocently. Is it really your fault that Bucky is too childish to accept the man you're going out with? No.

Sam runs his eyes over you and squints hard. "You guys are usually so dependent, you're practically joined at the hip. And now you want me to go talk to him even though you didn't do anything?"

"Look, he's being weird," you sigh, "- can you just check on him? Please? Maybe have a guy's night in with beer and that stupid zombie-game you're always playing or whatever?" you gesture to the television screen where the character from before stands panting, saying random stuff every few seconds. "I don't want him to be alone."

"First of all, The Last of Us is not stupid!" Sam raises his index finger at you, feigning an insulted huff. "Secondly; a guy's night in..? While you're doing exactly what if I may ask?" he arches an eyebrow, urging you to keep talking.

"I - uh - I have plans," you say quickly and try and look determined although you can feel your entire face heating up. "...a date of sorts."

The dead-panned look on Sam's face is quickly wiped off, instead replaced with an annoyingly broad smirk. "You have a what now?" he chuckles teasingly.

"You heard me," you roll your eyes.

"Oh I heard you loud and clear," he hoots, "you are going on a date!" he says, emphasising the last word with a wriggle of his eyebrows.

"Don't be a dick about it."

"My, oh my. We're finally gonna see what kind of man that can sweep the rug from underneath you."

"Okay, I'm leaving," you make a move to stand up, but Sam interrupts you by putting his palm to your shin.

"Come on, I'm just teasing," he laughs, "tell me about your date. Who's it with? - Not Bucky, I assume."

"Why would I go on a date with Buck?" you shrug nonchalantly although you can once again feel the heat radiating through your every feature. "It's the cute blonde from the coffee house down the street."

"Oooh, the guy who looks like a young Brad Pitt but with humour?"

"That's the one," you press down on your lips and avoid looking directly at Sam. God, this is embarrassing.

"He's a cutie!" Sam teases with a chuckle.

"I know," you play with a loose thread on your shirt, avoiding his eye.

"Then why aren't you more excited about it?" He asks but immediately emits a groan, "Jesus... do not tell me it's because of Bucky?!"

"I'm worried about him," you whine and bury your face in the sofa cushions.

Sam rolls his eyes. "You're going on your first date in forever and you're worried about that sourpuss?"

"Sam, you didn't see the look on his face when I told him about it! He hates the guy - I think it really upset him."

"Of course it upset him," Sam scoffs, "It's like taking candy away from someone who really wants to fuck said candy!"

Your eyes snap over to Sam in an instance. Completely taken off guard, your voice dies in your throat. Did he just...? No, surely, you must've misheard.

"Come on, don't pretend you haven't noticed," Sam groans, "I swear to god, he's two days away from crawling behind you just so he can lick the ground you're walking on!"

The earth has stopped spinning. "W-what?"

"The puppy eyes? The 'pick me' behaviour?" he rolls his eyes at your shocked face.

Your heart starts pounding so fast you can barely keep up. "Are we talking about... Bucky? As in our Bucky?"

"Uh, huh," Sam nods as if it's the most obvious thing on the planet. "That guy's practically begging you to take him by the hand and lead him to your bed. He's so in love with you, it's disgusting to look at."

"He's what?!" You exclaim loudly, completely out of breath. This is definitely news to you! "No, no, no! Bucky's not in love with me, we're friends," you pant with the blood rushing past your ears.

Sam shoots you an unimpressed side-eye, "yeah keep telling yourself that"

"What do you mean?" you pant, trying to puzzle together Sam's suspicion with your disbelief.

"I swear to god, the two of you don't even have a single brain cell put together..." he rolls his eyes, "I've seen that boy almost snap his neck because you were laughing and he wanted to know what you were laughing at. Trust me when I say that he's not annoyed that you're going on that date - he's jealous."

Well... fuck!

...

You don't think you've ever been this nervous as you pace the hallway outside Bucky's bedroom. You've been here ten minutes now, desperately trying to force yourself to actually make contact with him, but you're holding yourself back. There's so much on the line and what if Sam's incorrect? Then, you will truly have mucked up and everything between you and Bucky will be ruined.

Shit!

You stop pacing. You can hear his favourite album from the forties playing on the other side of the wall but apart from that, there hasn't been a single sound from in there.

You pray he's in a better mood than when you walked in on him angrily hunched over his bowl of cereal this morning, but the fact that he put on the only type of music that can calm him down, doesn't really scream 'put-together'.

It makes you even more nervous though you know you have to talk to him at some point. It's not as if you can avoid him forever - so before you can truly think about the upside of postponing the inevitable conversation, you raise your knuckles and carefully knock on his door.

Everything inside you tenses up. You vision becomes blurry, and you seem to automatically focus all your attention on the sounds coming from inside his room. There's a short shuffle, a sigh and then an irritated "what?!" muttered from somewhere behind the walls.

This is bound to go wrong.

You consider running away and pretend you've never even been near his room, but it's too late to back out now. You have to talk to him at some point, you remind yourself.

With your nerves running wild and the blood pumping through your every vein, artery, and fibre, you open the door a little and poke your head inside his room with a small "hi," your throat so dry it comes out as a hoarse whisper.

He's sitting on the bed with his long legs crossed at the ankles, his hand buried inside a book that's lying closed in his lap. He looks angry at everything and everyone - as if he's minutes away from strangling someone - but when he finds your eyes from across the room, the tense muscles in his cheeks seem to unclench a little.

"Oh, hey," he breathes and runs a hand through his hair in embarrassment, licking his lips. "I thought you were Sam..."

You smile, so relieved to see him softening that you automatically step inside his room without waiting for him to ask you to. "Sorry to disappoint."

"You're not," he shakes his head with a small gulp, "I thought you'd left already. Don't you have that big date?" he asks in a weird voice and sends you a stiff smile.

"Not until seven," you shrug and sit down next to him on his bed, immediately noticing how he's started avoiding your gaze.

"Right," he nods and occupies himself by putting his book on his bedside table. "So - uh - still looking forward to it?"

How do you tell your best friend that no, you're not looking forward to it because he's the one you really want to go out with?

"I don't know," you shrug, suddenly so anxious your temples have started pounding, "not really."

He finally looks up at you again, his slate blue eyes jittery as they meticulously search your face. "What happened?" He asks with tightly knitted eyebrows, "you were so excited for it yesterday."

You hesitate. "...Honestly?"

"Yeah, honestly," he sits up a little straighter, a serious look on his face, "- he didn't upset you, did he?" He says on impulse, his voice suddenly dark and dripping with venom at the mere thought as he reaches out for you and puts his fingers on your arm.

"No Buck," you shake your head and take a deep breath to get your pulse under control. "He didn't upset me."

"Then what?" He squeezes your arm softly, his eyes concerned as he tries to read you, "you can tell me anything."

"I know... It's just that..." you hesitate and consider ending your sentence with I'm in love with you, but the words die in your throat.

"What sweetheart?" he shuffles a little closer to you.

"Bucky," you heave a big breath of air to prepare your bold question that can potentially change everything between you dependant on his answer. "Do you not want me to go on that date?"

"What?" his eyes immediate travel over your face and you can almost hear his pulse running haywire as his fingers let go of your arm. "What makes you think that?"

"It's just..." your breathing picks up as you scan his every anxious feature. It makes you anxious too. "- you started acting weird the minute I told you about it. You've been avoiding me all day."

His fingers find your arm again, his grip a little tighter than before as he desperately looks at you. "No, no, no, sweetheart! That's not what happened," he licks his lips and plasters on the fake smile he's been practising in the mirror all day. "- I mean... I'm not the biggest fan of the guy but who you're dating is really none of my concern. I'm sure he's great, and as long as he treats you well, I'll make sure he stays on my good side," he says softy and sends you a smile that seems a little too genuine for your liking.

You hesitate again as you check his face for cracks, but his smile stays intact and happy. "...So you're really okay with it?" you ask in a small voice, mortified.

"Are you kidding me? Sweetheart, of course I'm okay with it!" he slides his fingers down your arm, capturing your hand inside his fist. "I really just want you to be happy. That's what's important. And you deserve to be taken care of for once instead of being stuck here with me and Sam." He reassuringly squeezes your fingers tight, but it just feels as if he's in the process of letting you go.

Slowly, you can feel your heart breaking.

You knew it... You knew Sam was wrong. Bucky isn't in love with you. Never has been. Never will be. Things are exactly the way they've always been and you're left pining after a man who doesn't want you back.

God, you feel like a idiot for getting your hopes up like that.

"Good," you nod resolutely, fighting hard to not let the heartbreak slip through your well-feigned mask. "I'm happy to hear you feel that way."

"Of course I do," he smiles solemnly.

"I should probably go get ready then..."

"Yeah," Bucky nods and lets go of you. "It's almost six."

With a sigh you hope he doesn't hear, you stand up from his bed and brush down the front of your jeans, not really sure you even want to leave his room.

He's looking up at you like a deer caught in headlights. "Have fun," he says while his hands grab the sheets underneath him, fisting the fabric. "- can't wait to hear all about it."

"Thanks, Buck," you feign a smile to match his, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you, sweetheart..."

You turn around with a wave of your hand, but the smile on your face falters the minute you've turned on your heel.

You can hear his heavy breathing over the music playing in the corner, and when you reach out for the door handle, a delicate sound finally breaks the reticence between you.

"Don't go..."

At first, you're not sure if you're imagining it, but then you hear him shuffling behind you, and when you turn around and face him, he's on his feet. "Don't go on that date," he whimpers in defeat, "I'm begging you. Please... don't go."

"Bucky..."

"I'm in love with you," he says guiltily with a gulp.

Your heart stops.

"- and I can't pretend I'm okay with you going on dates when I'm not."

You're completely speechless. You want to comment on everything. Run to him and proclaim that you're his. That you've always been his. But you're nailed to the spot and all that manages to escape your lips is a tight whimper.

"- I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now..." he closes his eyes and looks as if he's in pain. "And I know I'm risking everything by telling you this," he gulps, "but I've been keeping it in for so fucking long, trying to protect our friendship. I just can't keep pretending I don't want... more. It's stupid, I know."

"Bucky, it's not stupid," you finally manage to croak and it's as if the force that've been gluing you to the spot finally lets go. "It's not," you whisper as you take a few long strides over to him, stopping right before your chests touch. "It's not stupid," you repeat and reach a hand upwards, caressing his bearded chin.

His eyes are glistening, and his breathing is coming in ragged as he searches your face. "Sweetheart," he gulps in confusion, "I don't... - what does this mean?"

"It means -" your hand reaches up so it can rake through his hair, coming to a halt on the back of his neck where you can feel the goosebumps travel through his entire body. "- that I'm in love with you too. Have been for quite some time. Since I met you, actually."

Now it's his turn to be glued to the spot.

His mouth falls a little open and you can tell by the look on his face that he's in the process of questioning everything, so you underline your confession by putting your forehead to his. "I want to be yours," you whisper and observe him closely.

At first, he tenses even harder, but then a small smile starts tugging on his lips as he finally relaxes in your arms and pulls you closer. "I want you to be mine, too," he declares sweetly as his heart blossoms in his chest. He reaches down and kisses your cheeks, your nose, your forehead.

"It's you," he whispers against your skin, "- It's always been you."

"Kiss me," you beam and almost cannot stop smiling silly when you reach up for his mouth, finally claiming the softest, most pillowy lips you've ever had the pleasure of kissing.

[221bshrlocked]

fatal dis|at|traction

Pairing: Hunter x AFAB!Reader

Words: 9774

Warnings: Unrequited feelings (in more ways than one). Touch-starved characters. Lots of sweet/dirty talk. Hunter likes to tease a lot. Oral Sex (female receiving). Fingering. Squirting. Just a bit of a knife kink (it's not everyone's cup of tea so it's a very short scene). Pentrative, Unprotected Sex (wrap it up folks). Creampie. Cuddling.

Summary: You have feelings for Tech who is now taken. Hunter notices your little predicament and decides to offer you a solution, one that you take enthusiastically. Little do you know that this could be the start of something new.

A/N: It's been a minute but I'm very thankful for the Life Day Gift Exchange by @cloneficgiftexchange because I finally managed to write something. This is for @intricatechaosofyou who gave a prompt after my own heart. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. Coincidentally, this also fits into one of the @clonexreaderbingo prompts I got which I am embarrsingly behind on.

With every little chuckle you heard from Phee, your heart beat in jealousy at not being Tech’s center of attention. You thought it wouldn’t be an issue in the beginning, assuming that Tech would remain uninterested in Phee’s flirtatious advances. But the more she hung out with the team, the more he warmed up to her subtle compliments and faint touches. Before you knew what was happening, he was hanging out with her whenever you and the batch had time off from the crazy missions Sid continued to send you on. 

Then she took you to Pabu and things really spiraled. Their time together increased each day and you barely got to see him. You couldn’t blame him really, or Phee. You just wished you had more time or perhaps been a bit more brave about your feelings towards him.

Another random laugh fills the afternoon air, this time from Tech, and you can’t help but stop what you’re doing and look at the two of them enjoying the preparation for Life Day. You look with longing at the man who managed to captivate your heart with a simple, random fact, and you sigh heavily at knowing that you’ll never really have a chance with him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hunter breaks your sad train of thought, and you turn around to look at him, silently praying that he didn’t just notice you staring at his brother. You pack the decoration boxes and look down to the ground, pretending you don’t understand what he’s talking about. 

“What?” You ask once, and when Hunter doesn’t respond right away, you glance at him quickly to try and gauge his reaction, hoping that you can fool him by acting as clueless as possible about his question. He stares at you silently, uncrossing his arms and heading towards you to help you out with the rest of the boxes.

“I- I’m not sure what you’re referring to, Sarge.” You say in passing as you make your way to the storehouse, already thinking of some lie to respond with in case he dragged this out. When you set down all the empty containers, you shut the door behind the two of you and head towards the center of the town. 

“Don’t do that…not with me.” Hunter breaks the silence after a while, stopping you in your tracks and waiting until you acknowledge him. You ring your fingers nervously, gulping down the nervousness that built up in your throat before facing him. There’s another fake reply at the tip of your tongue but before you can say anything, Hunter beats you to it, stopping you from embarrassing yourself any further. 

“Come on, you can’t lie to me.” He furrows his eyebrows, looking at the couple standing not too far from you before centering his attention back on you again.

“I’m not lying.” You’re more defensive than you’d like and Hunter sighs in irritation, shaking his head and taking those last few steps towards you. The last thing he wants to do is embarrass you but he knows this conversation won’t go anywhere unless you willingly open up to him. 

“Then why is your heart racing? I can practically feel you shaking. You’re not even looking at me.” Your palms grow sweaty the more he reveals those little details about you. 

“Talk to me.” You never thought you’d hear him plead for anything and when you finally look at him, you see a genuine, heartfelt expression on his face, one that makes you feel even more horrible about the predicament you found yourself in. 

“It’s not important, don’t- just don’t worry about it.” You wave your hand around and turn around to walk away from him, only to feel a strong hold wrap around your wrist and stop you from going anywhere else. 

“Tech is a genius, but he can be incredibly dense at times.” Hunter waits until you meet his eyes again before he whispers that last sentiment. The shock of the exclamation sends your heart racing, and your eyes widen in horror at the prospect of everyone else potentially knowing your feelings for Tech. 

“Wha- how…how did you know?”

“I know mesh’la, I know.” He loosens his grip a little, but doesn’t let you go completely, not wanting you to run away from him. The two of you stand in quietness for too long to your liking, and you give up on trying to pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about. 

You give up on trying to make it seem like you’re okay. 

“Is it that obvious?” The chuckle is self-deprecating, and you avoid looking into his hazel gray eyes, afraid you’d cry if he continues to give you that horribly sentimental expression. 

“Not to the others, although Echo guessed just as much a while back. But no, the others don’t know.” Hunter lets go of you then, but he doesn’t move away from you, wanting you to know that he’s here to help in whatever you’ll allow him to. 

“How did you find out?” You move away from the crowd slowly forming around the town square, wanting to have some privacy from prying eyes, from Wrecker and Omega. 

“I notice the way your eyes light up whenever he walks in the room, or goes on one of those rants about kriff knows what.” Anyone else would have laughed at you, but you feel at peace knowing that Hunter would never tease you about something like this. He was too kind to joke about such an intimate little secret. 

“Hmm.”

“And your heart beats like you’ve just run across the whole of Coruscant.” Hunter adds as he comes to a halt in front of the house you reserved for yourself when you first got to Pabu. 

“Ahh, that is extremely embarrassing.” You turn away from him as you respond, not wanting to be at the receiving end of whatever comment he was going to throw your way.

“It’s not…it’s natural to react that way when you have feelings towards someone.” You’re a little surprised by his explanation, mostly because you never thought he’d be the type to speak so sweetly about something as awkward as emotions. 

“Right.” You can’t help but smile when you see him shrug at you, and as you’re about to unlock your door, Hunter turns around and grabs the knob, preventing you from reaching for it, let alone turn around and get away from him. 

“You know what you need?” He asks, and you shiver at the sudden drop in his voice, wondering why he was suddenly becoming so friendly with you. 

“Please enlighten me, because this whole conversation hasn’t been humiliating enough as is.” You laugh in an attempt to diffuse the tension slowly building in between the two of you, but Hunter doesn’t crack a single smile, roaming his eyes down your neck and taking in a deep breath before meeting your gaze once more. 

“You need to get your mind off of him, just for a little while. Find a distraction…sometimes you have to stay busy so you don’t feel.” You’re too distracted by the proximity between his body and your own to dwell on the true meaning behind his words. 

“Yeah well, good thing we’re staying here. Helping rebuild the city will definitely take my mind off of him and…ugh, I guess make me focus less on seeing the two of them together.” Looking past him to the slowly busying town square, you completely miss the way he bites his lower lip as he studies you closely and shakes his head at your response. 

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh yeah, what do you mean th-” Turning your focus back to him, the words die in your throat when you finally notice the way he’s looking at you. You part your lips in a gasp, finding it difficult to breathe as Hunter leans into your space and groans his intentions against your jaw. 

“I mean…you need to get your mind off of him, and onto something else…perhaps someone else.” Your body freezes at the unexpected intimacy of the moment, and although you know you should push him away and tell him to forget whatever was happening, you tell yourself that this might just be what you need to forget about Tech. 

“I s-see.” Hunter’s hand reaches for your waist, holding you against him until he’s sure you’re accepting his advances. He smiles at you, his eyes twinkling with mischief that sends a zap of lightning down your spine. 

It was a warm day in Pabu, but having Hunter flush against your chest makes you even more heated, and you gulp down whatever nervousness was threatening to make itself known in the form of a rejection, allowing your fingers to dance along his forearm before you grab onto his shoulders for support. 

“W-what do you have in mind?” He gets even more bold then, wrapping his arm around your back and pulling you in until you nearly bump your forehead against his nose. 

“I think you know.” His voice is gravely, and it occurs to you then that he may have always had this deep baritone, but you just never truly appreciated it until now. 

“Humor me, Sarge.” You smirk right back at him, eyes dancing from his lips to his piercing gaze in preparation for what he’s about to say. 

“Well, you’ll first need to find someone willing to help you out, someone who knows all about distractions. Then, you take them somewhere private and…how should I put this, kindly ask them to fuck your brains out…take the edge off a little…and if you start thinking of him again, you get on your knees and have them dick you down real hard…till you can’t think straight.” His lips graze across the skin of your cheek, down to your neck, as he promises you the filthiest sentiments, and if you weren’t sure you knew the man standing in front of you was far beyond the average man, you would have asked him how he had you melting into his arms in such a small period of time. 

“Maker,” you nearly reach up to kiss him but then quickly remember that anyone can see you. Before you can push him away, Hunter nudges you harshly to get your attention again, not wanting you to get distracted by your surroundings or if anyone might hear what the two of you have in mind. 

“Hmm, I think your body agrees with me sweetheart. Why don’t you have that tired brain of yours catch up?” He nods at your head, tilting his head to the side as if he was asking you a silent question. 

“Do you…do you know someone that can do all of what you just said?” 

“You’re right in luck baby, I happen to be free for the next couple of hours.” Hunter responds right away, knowing that it would be extremely difficult to have you like this again. 

“Ahhh, t-that saves me from looking then.” You smile when he rests against you and nudges your nose with his own, aquiline one. 

“So, what do you want?” Again, his voice is smoother than honey, sending you spiraling in a matter of seconds out of anticipation. 

“I thought you…don’t be cruel, please.” You kiss the corner of his mouth, feeling the rough stubble across his sharp cheeks burn you in the sweetest way. Hunter turns his head far enough to finally tough his lips with your own, the kiss ending far too quickly to your liking but leaves you begging for more. 

“Never…never. I mean, how do you want it mesh’la? You want it slow, soft, sensual…” He slithers his hands across your body, leaving a trail of fire across your skin with each sweet touch he graces you with. 

“Or do you like it hard and fast…till you can’t scream anymore?” He digs his nails into your curves then grabbing and squeezing your ass until you nearly fall against him.

“Oh fuck…I- Hunter, please.”

“You’re a big girl, use your words and tell me what you want!” Hunter combs his hand into your hair, tugging on it harshly until you throw your head back and give him access to your neck. He descends down on you like a madman, nipping and sucking on the soft expanse of your skin until you’re panting in his embrace. 

“You want me to be sweet with you…or do you want to feel me with every step you take tomorrow?” He licks the bitemarks he’s left behind, chuckling to himself when he feels you shaking in his arms and practically begging him to fuck you right out in the open. 

“Please Hunter, be- be rough with me. As rough as you want.” You reach for the collar of his shirt, fisting it in your hands as if you were holding on for dear life. You should have known that as everything else, Hunter would easily take you down without breaking a sweat. 

“A girl after my own heart.” He chuckles then, the sweet sound shooting straight into your chest and making you wish he just pushed the door behind you open and took you somewhere more private. 

“I’ll take my time with you next time baby, worship every fucking inch of your body as you deserve. But tonight…tonight I’m going to teach you how to take me…please me…open up for me and take my cum like the good girl I know you are.” He kisses across your damp skin in between words, finding it difficult to continue holding back when he could practically smell your arousal the more he whispers into your ears. 

“I’m going to fuck you into the next galaxy sweetheart, till the only name your pretty little brain can remember is mine and mine alone.” Your heart beats so fast Hunter thinks you might pass out, but as you melt into his arms and pull him closer to you, he knows that you’re enjoying this as much as he was. 

“And believe me when I tell you, I’ll know if you’re thinking of him. So be a pretty little sweetheart and focus on me.” He moves away to take a better look at you, raising a curious eyebrow when he finds you completely lost in every touch and every sweet word he was gifting you with. 

“Yes,” you barely manage to breathe out, waiting for whatever he still has in stock for you. 

“Yes?” Hunter asks, his expression turning more serious when you open your eyes and look right into his own. There’s something so erotic about how much he can sense every little reaction you have to his advances, but he sets his thoughts aside long enough to hear you openly consent to him. 

“Yes, sergeant.” Those two words are music to his ears, and he steps away instantly, but not before making sure you can still stand on your own two feet. You snap out of your haze when you no longer feel the heat of his body against yours. 

“Good girl.” He grabs your hand and leads you away from your home, down the tiled pathway towards the quieter side of the island. 

“Where…where are you taking me?”

“Some place where you can scream my name without worrying about anyone hearing you.” He nearly stops in his tracks when he hears you moan in response to his words, but he knows that if he looks back now, he might never make it to his own place. If anything, the reaction he gets out of you makes him walk quicker, not caring for how you stumble several times as he continues towards the smaller, but more private homes at the bottom of the island. 

You can’t look away from him, and as you follow him blindly, you find yourself surprised at not wishing he was someone else. Maybe because you’ve always found him objectively handsome, all the clones were if you were being honest, or perhaps because you’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with someone like Hunter, someone who you knew would be so attuned to every sound and every muscle twitch you’d have that he’d know instantly how to please you. But the longer you dwell on it, the more you realize that you’re lucky to have someone like him pay you this much attention, or even be willing to give you this favor. 

Little did you know that while you were longing for Tech, Hunter was struggling to keep his own feelings at bay. He didn’t want to take advantage of you, far from it, but he figured that maybe, just maybe, if he showed you how much he cares for you, you’d look at him instead of his brother. 

He can feel your eyes on him, and his heart skips a beat at the prospect of finally having your attention. Hunter wants to ask you if you’re sure about this, but as he approaches his residence, he finds himself less willing to break the two of you out of whatever cloud you’ve fallen under, afraid that you’d change your mind and leave. 

The thought nearly breaks his heart, but as he slows down and unlocks his door, he feels your hands shaking even harder, and he knows then that he needs to give you an out because you may not be able to take it yourself. 

“Sweet girl, you’re trembling.” He turns around and cups your neck, forcing you to look into his eyes so you’re sure he doesn’t mind if you walk away from him. 

“If you’ve changed your mind…if- if you don’t want this anymore, we can stop. It’s- it’s okay.” The words sound less convincing to his ears, but he braces himself for the rejection he’s sure you’re about to give him. 

“No, Hunter please.” Your instant response sends a wave of relief and reluctance through his chest, and his eyes widen for a fraction of a second before they soften again, knowing that if you noticed his expression, you might push through just to not upset him. 

“I won’t have you against your will baby.” He leans over and kisses the small space in between your eyebrows, waiting until you relax against him before he pulls away and meets your gaze again. 

“I want this, Hunter. I- I want you. I’d be lying to myself if I said otherwise.” You tug at his forearms, wanting him to not shy away from you, perhaps even afraid that he’d change his mind and tell you to leave. Your nerves slowly rise again and Hunter must sense your spiraling thoughts because he pulls you into the small space and shuts the door behind you, pushing you against the wall and stepping impossibly close to you so you can only feel him. 

“Tell me what you need. Right this moment.” 

“Can you just...hold me for a minute? I- I need to feel your arms around me.” You barely manage to breathe out the request, not because you think he’ll laugh at it but because you find yourself having a difficult time thinking of a single coherent thought. 

“Sure thing ad’ika, come here.” Hunter slowly walks back to the small bed at the edge of the wall, sitting down on the soft surface of the covers before pulling you into his lap. You follow him quietly, finding it oddly soothing to have him in control of your actions rather than your own mind. You throw your arms around him and rest your head on his chest, willing yourself to relax as soon as you feel his hands roam across your back soothingly. 

“I want you to focus on my heartbeat.” You do as he says, moving your head down a little further so you can listen to his heart. If you’re shocked by how much faster it is, you say nothing and dwell on the fact that he may be just as nervous as you are. 

“Take deep breaths,” Hunter slides one hand underneath your shirt to test the waters, shutting his eyes and smiling to himself when your muscles relax deeper into him. 

“Nothing else matters, little one. Only you, and me…right here and now.” He reminds you one last time, massaging your back and turning his head every once in a while to kiss you. Hunter shuts his eyes to commit this moment to memory, unsure of whether he’ll ever get to have you like this again or not. He says nothing after, wanting to ensure that you have all the time you need before the two of you do anything. 

You’re not sure how long you spend in his arms but when you no longer feel nervous at being in his presence, you pull away and rest your hands on his chest, willing yourself to be brave enough to look into his eyes after experiencing such an intimate moment with him. 

“Feeling better?” He reaches for your chin and moves it up softly to take a better look at you. As soon as he looks into your eyes, he smiles at you, waiting until you return the expression before doing anything else. 

“Hmm.”

“Then why don’t you lay back for me.” He moves you off of him and studies you closely as you maneuver yourself around his bed. You’re less shy than before, that he’s sure of, but you do as he says more confidently, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by Hunter, and makes him imagine all that he can do to you. 

“You know, I- I always thought you had a soothing voice,” you break the silence reluctantly, biting your lower lip when you notice Hunter smirking at the unexpected sentiment. 

“Yeah?” He questions as he kneels on the bed and slowly crawls towards you. 

“Yes, but now…now I’m realizing it’s your presence.” You waver in your response, finding it difficult to think of anything when he’s looking at you like you’re his prey. 

“Tell me more.” Hunter demands, dancing his fingers across whatever skin he has access to and watching as goosebumps erupt across your body at the simple touches. 

“It’s in your touch, your- kriff, your movements…your gaze.” You arch your back when Hunter digs his nose at the space just above the edge of your pants and takes a long whiff of your scent. You think that if anyone else has done something so strange, you’d be turned off by it, but this was Hunter, and scenting was important to him, especially since he must have been getting awfully close to you because he liked what he could smell. 

“Glad to be of service,” he comments in passing, nudging your shirt up to get more access to the skin of your stomach. He kisses your navel, breathing you in with each new bit of flesh he came across. 

“Gods above,” you can’t take it anymore, reaching for his shoulder and trying to pull him closer to you so he could speed things up a bit. 

“No sweetheart, it’s only me.” He chuckles at the whine you send his way, looking up at you as he parts your thighs and makes space for himself in between. 

“You’re d-driving me insane Hunter.” Hunter doesn’t move an inch as you try to bring him closer. If anything, he slows down even more and takes both of your hands into his own, softly kissing the wrist of each one before bringing them above your head. 

“If you’re still coherent, then I’m not driving you insane enough.” He’s teasing you, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think he was pushing you to a point where you could do nothing but beg for him. So distracted with the patterns he’s drawing across your arms, you don’t realize where the other hand is reaching until you feel his grip tighten around your throat. 

“Ahh, please.” You arch your back, grabbing the sheets beneath you in an attempt to keep your hands where he asked you to. You want nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and surrender to his lips, but you knew better than to disobey his orders. Hunter was a strict man in the field, and you were positive he wasn’t any different in this context. If anything, he was probably even more severe now. At least you hoped he would be. 

“And remember baby, it’s ‘Sergeant’ for you. Got it?”

“Yes, sergeant.”

“Now, do me a favor and keep your hands there.” He taps twice on them, waiting until you nod in agreement before he sits back up and takes your wrecked form. He hoped you’d open up for him easily, but he never thought you’d be so needy, let alone greedy for him. 

“But how will you take my clothes off?” You pout at him, the expression making Hunter wish he could flip you over and fuck you into oblivion. But he knew you needed him to be soft tonight, even if you were adamant in making him get a little rough with you. 

“Let’s not spoil the fun.” He warns with a pinch to your hip, chuckling at the way you jump and your thighs unintentionally close around him. 

“A bit sensitive, aren’t we?” He rests one hand near your head as he leans down and kisses the corner of your mouth, waiting for you to breathe before touching your lips with his own. It’s a chaste kiss, yet it sends your heart leaping through the roof because of how unexpectedly tender it is. 

“I…haven’t done this in a while.” You whisper against his mouth, chasing him along when he begins to pull away again. 

“Shame,” it’s such a simple comment, and yet you feel a string of butterflies in your stomach at the implication behind it. The fact that you held Hunter’s focus when so many on the island were begging for it makes you wish he could have approached you sooner. 

“Hmmph,” the sound of your moan reaches your ear instantly, and you try to hide from Hunter out of embarrassment, but he doesn’t let you, moving down your body slowly and continuing to drive you mad with need for him. 

“Go on baby, moan for me.”

“What if s-someone hears?”

“Everyone’s in town for the celebrations,” he reaches down and unbutton your pants, looking straight into your eyes as he pulls the fabric down your legs and throws it behind him. You try to close your legs quickly, afraid he could smell how wet you are. But Hunter is much faster than you, and he prevents you from moving another muscle, looking down once at the dark patch on your panties before meeting your eyes again, silently letting you know that he could smell you long before this very moment. 

“No one’ll hear you, mesh’la. So beg all you want, you’re mine tonight.” He slips one finger beneath the edge of your panties, thumbing at the skin of your hips to get you to calm down a little before he does anything else. 

“Only tonight?” You don’t mean to ask this question, not now at least, but you figured you may as well see if this was a one-time thing or not. 

“Oh I don’t get to decide that, you do.” He surprises you with his answer, and the shock must be visible on your face because Hunter tilts his head to the side and stares at you until you realize you really were in control of what goes on between the two of you. 

“So if I- oh kriff, if I want you to fuck me every night…”

“Then ask me nicely.” He slips one hand underneath your shirt, raising it above your stomach to your chest and laying it across your sternum to feel your heartbeat. When you don’t respond right away, he slides his hand a little further and draws random patterns just below your breast. 

“Better yet, beg me sweetly…and I’ll give you my cock whenever you like.” He promises as he continues to edge you into submission, something that makes you wish you could yell at him about and thank him for. 

“T-thank you, sarge.” Your breathing becomes erratic the longer he touches you anywhere but where you want him, and just as you begin to give up hope, he removes his hands completely from your form and reaches behind him. 

“Do you trust me cyar’ika?” The question is asked with hesitance, and you’re not sure why he’s asking you this all of a sudden, but when you hear the sound of a clasp coming undone, you know why he’s being so serious. 

“You know I do.” It’s the first thing you said since he dragged you behind him where you aren’t practically shaking beneath him, and once he’s completely satisfied with your response, he pulls out the blade from its holster and flips it around. You’re enamored by the swift movement of the weapon as it dances in between his fingers, and the faster Hunter plays with the knife, the more difficult you find it to breathe. 

“Then look at me.” He demands as he stops swinging the knife around, and you obey him instantly, gulping excitedly as he leans over your body once again and places the sharp end of the knife at the top of your shirt, inches below your neck.  

“Don’t,” Hunter warns slowly, nicking small holes into your shirt until the article of clothing rips down the middle, “move,” his voice is somehow even more gravely than before, and you stop breathing altogether, not because you think he’ll hurt you but because you can’t help but feel turned on by how focused he is on you and how safe you feel with something so dangerous, “a muscle.” He continues to ruin your shirt and you can’t find it in yourself to care one bit, knowing that being at Hunter’s mercy was worth far more than any shirt you could own. When he completely separates both sides of the fabric, he slips the wide edge of the knife beneath the fabric and pushes it to the side before grabbing the other with his fingers and displaying your nude skin to his hungry eyes. 

You let out a deep breath and refuse to look anywhere else but his dilated pupils, clenching your thighs tightly at knowing that you were the reason behind such a dramatic reaction from him. 

“I can smell you, little one. Does this turn you on?” He finally looks away from your heaving chest to your eyes, and when he finds you already staring at him, he smiles to himself and places the knife down gently on the small table near his bed. You’re disappointed that he clearly won’t be using it anymore, and Hunter notices the small expression because he trails his fingers down your front and pinches one nipple to get your attention. 

“Use your words and tell me.” You arch into his rough ministrations, whispering your response and moaning for more. 

“Y-yes, it does.”

“I knew you’d be fun.” He soothes the heated skin of your breast, drawing small circles around one nipple just as he leans down and takes the other in between his teeth. You whine his name over and over again, and Hunter growls his approval against you, lapping up the bitemarks he left around your hardened peak before sucking harshly on it again. 

“Fuck, I do love how sensitive you are.” He manages to say right before diving for the other nipple and tasting your natural scent along with the soap you use to shower. 

“And how hard your nipples perk at the touch of my fingers.” He thinks you’re about to move one hand so he reaches quickly for it, gripping it tightly and keeping it against the bed while he leaves angry marks across your chest. 

“Ahh maker, please sergeant.” Your moans are becoming louder, and Hunter decides then and there that if you were going to scream for him, it should be his name falling from your lips, not his rank. The only warning you get before he descends down your body is his hand slipping underneath your panties and instantly pushing two fingers into your cunt. You’re dripping for him, and his thick fingers rub against your tight walls with an embarrassing ease. 

“Kriff, I know I asked you to call me that, but forget it.” Hunter looks into your eyes as he lets go of your wrist and grabs the back of your neck, not bothering to say anything else as he lunges for your mouth and swallows your moans. You part your thighs and your lips for him, not caring for any rule he’s given you as you throw your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. He fingers you slowly, but as begin to clench tightly around him, Hunter can’t hold back anymore and he moves off of you with a wet smack before crawling down your body. You’re shocked by the sudden urgency of his movement, and as soon as you reach for his hair and tug on it, you feel his warm lips close around your clit and his tongue aggressively lap at the engorged bundle of nerves. 

“I want you to scream my name, mesh’la. Scream my name as you come on my tongue.” 

“Hu- ahhh g-gods!” You’re not aware of what you’re saying, and the harder Hunter thrusts his fingers into you, the quicker you feel your release coming along. 

“You smell…so sweet.” Hunter manages to breathe in between his assault on your pussy, and you let go of his hair to grab for the sheets beneath you, not wanting to hurt him by how hard you’d pull on his hair. 

“But you taste so much sweeter.” He feels his cock harden as the taste and scent of you fill his nostrils. Normally, he’d find it overwhelming to be surrounded by so many strong scents, but the more you gush for him, the more he wants to dive into you and make you soak him with your arousal. 

“Hunter, oh right there…please.” You reach for his hair again, but this time, you pull so hard that his red bandana comes off in your hand and reminds you to loosen your hold so as to not overwhelm him with too many sensations. 

“Sorry, I-” You try to apologize but the words trail off when Hunter looks up and shakes his head at you. 

“I don’t mind, sweet thing. Go on, pull as hard as you want.” He leans down and kisses the hand near his head, nipping at your thumb to let you know that he was feeling more than okay. 

“But won’t that-” You don’t want him to feel like he needs to do this for you, but Hunter distracts you again, rubbing at your clit with his thumb to get you to listen to him. 

“Please cyar’ika, let me feel you…everywhere.” Hunter begs you, pushing your thighs apart even more in an attempt to get you to do as he says. He doesn’t wait for a response then, descending down on you again with more passion than you thought him capable of in such a setting, and before you know it, he has you right at the edge with his expert hands and his enthusiastic mouth. You should have known that he’d know what you like quickly, but something about him being so attuned to your responses pushes you closer to your orgasm, and before you know it, you’re shutting your eyes and letting the flood of sensations overtake you. 

“Hmm fuck, that’s it.” You scratch at his scalp as you pull on his hair, the action driving Hunter nearly mad and making him grab at your stomach to keep you planted to his face. 

“Hunter…I- I’m co-” His harsh breathing and how hard he continues to lick at your clit is all you need to fall apart, and as soon as he coils his fingers inside you and rubs your tight walls, you come around him instantly, shaking violently beneath his firm body and screaming nonsense into the damp air of the room. It’s becoming nearly too much, and although you want him to stop, you can’t find it in yourself to push him away, a part of you sensing that he may need this as much as you. So you let him continue his assault on your cunt, and before you realize what’s about to happen, Hunter pulls away and watches as you soak his arms and his bed with your juices. He doesn't let up once, plunging his fingers into you so quickly that you manage to wet even his thighs. When he hears your heart beating impossibly rapidly against your chest, he slows down and removes his hand from you, pulling away and watching as your panties hide you from his eyes again. 

He waits until you look at him before he slowly sucks on each of his fingers, smirking to himself when you hide behind your arms and close your thighs immediately. 

“I changed my mind.” His voice is rough, and you’re not sure if it’s because he’s turned on or because he’s having a difficult time breathing just as you. Then the words settle in your remind and you move your hands away to take a better look at him. 

“W-what?” You don’t have time to grab him as he gets off the bed and reaches for his shirt, throwing it away as well before unzipping his pants and pulling them down his thighs and stepping out of them before kneeling on the bed again. 

“We can do rough later. Right now, I want to watch you come undone…slowly.” He grabs your ankles and pulls them apart, not caring for how blatant he’s being with his staring as he moves towards you again. 

“Fuck baby, you’re gushing for me.” His disbelief sends a shiver down your spine and you softly smack his thigh to get his attention away from your heated core. 

“Hunter, don’t- don’t say stuff like that.”

“And why shouldn’t I?” He narrows his eyes at you, daring you to say anything in disagreement. 

“It’s…embarrassing.” You manage to whisper out, only to have Hunter shamelessly wipe the wetness over your legs with his hand. 

“No, it’s fucking sexy mesh’la….and if I had known taking my shirt off would turn you on this much, I would have walked around naked since you came on board.” He reaches for your hand and you squeal suddenly when he tugs you harshly until you nearly smack his chest. Looking down at you, Hunter bites into his lower lips as he pulls the rest of your shirt away and throws it away, not bothering to push you back into bed when you rest your hands against his naked chest and feel his muscles flex and unflex. 

“Speaking of taking things off…” You try to grab your panties but Hunter stops you, shaking his head and bringing your hand back to his skin. 

“No, keep’em on.” 

“But-”

“These are mine now, and I want nothing more than to smell your cunt and my cum on them…when I take them.” Hunter nods down at the wet article of clothing as he swipes your hair away from your face and softly grazes your bruised lips. 

“Hmph, you’re a shy little thing aren’t you?” He wonders out loud when you turn away from and rest your forehead against his stomach, once again feeling a sense of pride wash over him at being the one to bring such a reaction out of you. 

“Do the honors.” He takes your hands and moves them down his rigid form, not missing the way your breath hitches when you feel the muscles on his stomach flutter at the soft touch of your palms. You don’t dare look up at him as you drag his boxers down his hips until his cock juts out from beneath the elastic. 

“Oh fuck me.” You stop what you’re doing as soon as you see the size of him, and Hunter uses your moment of distraction to his advantage, pushing you back into the bed and moving away to step out of his boxers before returning to you again. 

“Since you asked so nicely.” He remembers the biosheath and finds one in his drawer instantly, but before he can take it out, you take his wrist and bring it back to you. 

“Wait-” You stop him, unsure of what to say now that he was looking at you with such an unreadable expression. 

“You don’t have to- like I said, I haven’t done this in…in a while. And I’ve-” Your attempts to explain to him that you don’t have anything and that you wouldn’t mind it if he didn’t use a biosheath with you evaporate into thin air, and as you give up on trying to relay the message, Hunter shuts the drawer and lays on top of you. One look into his eyes gives you away and you turn from him to avoid whatever embarrassing words you’re sure he’s about to relay to you. 

“You want me to fill you with my seed, little one?” The question is asked in such a low voice that you nearly miss the playfulness in between. You refuse to acknowledge him, afraid of how much he’d drag this out if you told him outright that you wanted to feel him leak out of you. 

“You want me to fuck my cum deep inside your pretty little cunt?” He asks again, this time as he slips his hand in between your bodies and wraps his palm around his hard cock, lazily stroking his length while teasing your clothed clit with the tip of his dick. He goes on for too long, and when you can’t take it anymore, you moan in agreement, hoping that the outburst pushes him to finally, finally, fuck you. 

“O-ohh gods, please…please.” The way he cups himself and teases the both of you nearly sends you into overdrive, and just as you begin to give up hope, Hunter tugs aside your panties, and pushes his cock against your wet folds, giving you a taste of what’s to come. 

“Keep begging baby.”

“Please Hunter…I need you. I- I want you to come inside me, want to feel you all night long.” He was planning on making you cry for him, but the sound of your voice telling him everything he’s heard a thousand times in his dreams sends him reeling and before he can warn you, he pushes his cock into your slit, arms nearly giving out at finally feeling your cunt welcome him in. You arch your back as soon as you feel his thick, hard cock fill you, and although you should be embarrassed at how easily he slides into you, you don’t bother thinking about it, not when Hunter was finally giving you what you’ve been craving. 

“Kriffing hells, you feel so good mesh’la…so tight and hot for me.” He stops moving, the heat of your cunt making him nearly lose his mind and whatever bit of control left in him. 

“Hunter-” You don’t like the fact that he’s stopped pushing into you, but then he moves and you realize that maybe you needed a second to get used to him after all. 

“I know, love. I know, just a little bit more.” Hunter kisses your forehead, lips quivering at the thought of being too much for you to handle. He waits until you’re relaxed a little before he gives you more of his cock, and when you drag your nails across his arms and grab onto his shoulder, he stops again to soothe you. 

“You want to be a good girl for me, don’t you?” 

“Yes…oh maker yes.” Your voice breaks, making Hunter wish you weren’t so kriffing sensitive to him. 

“Then open up for me…take me.” He leaves a trail of wet kisses down your neck, licking and nipping at the taut skin in an attempt to distract you from whatever discomfort you were feeling. 

“Haa…ahh, you’re- so fucking hard.” Your words are unexpected, and Hunter fists his hands tightly into his pillows so he doesn’t do something he’d regret. He unintentionally thrusts the rest of his dick into your pussy, the action knocking the breath out of the both of you and sending a strike of pleasure down your spine.

“Only for you, sweetheart. O-only for you.” Hunter breathes against your chest, cursing at how much better you felt now than in his dreams. He could feel every inch of you squeeze him, and if it weren’t for the fact that you told him it’s been a while, Hunter would have begged to fuck you like he wanted. But it has been a while, and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt you. When you wince at the slightest of movements, Hunter pulls back and studies you, carefully listening to your heartbeat and looking over you to see if you were too uncomfortable to do this now. 

“Are you okay?” He should be the one asking you this question, not the other way around, and even though a million compliments run through his mind, he barely manages to respond to your question. 

“Fuck, I’m more than okay.” He hisses out as you clench around him, and before he can let you know that he’s not reacting out of pain but of indescribable pleasure, you reach for his hair and tug him down, begging for him to do anything besides remaining still. 

“Then move…” You cross your legs behind his back to tempt him into moving against you, but Hunter remains impossibly still, resting his forehead against yours as he tries to tell you why he’s having a difficult time moving. 

“N-not yet, just let me feel you. Let me…feel all of you.” He hopes it’s enough for you to stop asking him to move, but he should have known better. 

“Is- is it too much?” Your shyness makes itself known again, and Hunter swears beneath his breath because he genuinely didn’t mean to come off so strained in his response. 

“No, it’s- you’re perfect.” It’s both everything he’s feeling and barely an explanation of what he’s reserved for you for so long, but he can’t find any other word to describe what he’s experiencing with you now. You’re about to ask him to keep talking when he finally listens to you and pulls out a little before thrusting back in. 

“Oh.” The simple word riles him up more than he cares to admit, and he sets a slow and sensual pace to calm himself down and give you what you desire. The small room fills with sounds of your harsh breathing and Hunter’s controlled growls, and before you know it, he’s hitting every inch of you in a way that makes you see stars. Then you look at him, and you find his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes shut tightly, and you just know that it’s because he wants to do more with you. 

“Hunter,” you call for him, soothing his back with your hands to let him know that you weren’t going anywhere. 

“Hmm?” His eyes flutter open instantly and you wonder if their color was always so intense and dark, or if this was just a product of what the two of you were doing. 

“Don’t h-hold back.” You cup his neck and pray to the maker that he listens to you.

“I already told you cyare, I want you to fall apart for me…nice and slow.” He pronounces each word with a soft push of his hips against you, and you know then that this would definitely not be the last time you sleep with him. It couldn’t be. 

“But I-”

“I want to commit you to memory. The way your heart skips a beat when I kiss your shoulders,” he leans closer against you and leaves a trail of wet kisses across your sternum to your shoulder, biting it playfully when he notices you trying to move along with him. 

“The way you bite your lips when I pinch with your nipples,” you throw your head back in ecstasy as he pinches your nipple and rolls it in between his thumb and his index finger. 

“The way your eyes shut when I sink my teeth into your skin,” Hunter takes one last look at the pleasure etched on your expression before taking the other hardened peak into his mouth, rolling his tongue around your nipple before biting down harshly just below the reddened skin. 

“The way your cunt clenches around my cock when I pull your hair,” you wrap your arms around his back and pull him flush against you when you feel him comb his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and pull harshly on it, the action letting you know that Hunter was most certainly capable of being rough with you, but was choosing to get your body used to his soft touch first. 

“And- fuck…ah fuck, the way your tight walls invite me in deeper when I play with your clit.” He lets go of your hair and slides his hand down your body, squeezing your hips and scratching along your thighs to leave his mark. As soon as you open your eyes and look at him, he begins to draw small circles around your clit, all the while picking up his pace just a little to get you closer to your climax. 

“I want it all baby,” he begs for you, roaming his eyes across your body to get his fill of you before he brings the two of you to the edge. You’re so sensitive from before, but something about having Hunter pay close attention to you makes you welcome whatever he has to offer you. 

“I- I’m close.” You manage to whisper to him as he continues to play with your body, and you realize the mistake you did in your claim when you hear him laugh and pause in his ministrations. 

“Already?” He doesn’t expect you to answer, but you whine his name and roll your hips around to get any form of friction. Hunter is distracted by the movement, and he resumes his attention to your clit, grunting with need when you reach down and scratch his stomach to urge him on. 

“D-don’t tease.”

“Never…never.” He responds immediately, thrusting into you with shallow pushes, already feeling the knot in his stomach slowly unwind the more he feels your heat pull him in. 

“I can feel your fucking heartbeat, can feel it singing for me the harder I fuck you.” Hunter cries out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, sitting up and moving the hand on his stomach down to your clit to get you to touch yourself.

“Please Hunter,” as soon as you start teasing your clit, Hunter grabs both of your hips and fucks into you with slow, languid movements, knowing that if he picks up the pace any further, he’d have you screaming so loud that the rest of the batch may actually hear you. 

“What do you want? Tell me.” There is a layer of sweat covering your body and making Hunter lose his mind. Your scent is more pronounced now that it has ever been, and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to interact with you normally now that he knew what you smelled like as you prayed for him to fuck you harder. 

“I want you to come with me.” Your request storms into Hunter’s mind, making him wish he could just tell you how he feels, how he’s felt for so long. 

“Kriff,” he throws his head back and looks at the ceiling, knowing that tonight would replay in his mind until you came to him and asked him to take you to bed again. 

“So close…so fucking close. Hunter, please…let me feel you come with me. Come inside me.” You grab one of his wrists in an attempt to remain grounded, and Hunter can’t help but whine at the desperation you were trusting him with. Never in his life did he think he’d have you so unabashedly wanton, but here you were, telling him that you wanted nothing more than to feel him come with you. 

“You’re killing me baby.” Hunter growls and looks down at where you’re joined, not caring for how crazed he must appear to you as his hair swings back and forth, and his face shines with sweat. 

“Oh-hhh f…fuck right there-” you scream into the darkening room, no longer able to hold back the pleasure from seizing you and showering you with a most beautiful distraction. 

“Mesh’la, I-” whatever he’s about to say is cut off by your lips as you pull him into you and mold your lips with his own. It’s a hungry kiss, and Hunter prays to the Force that you’re desperate for him out of necessity and not out of simple, physical attraction. He gives you what you want regardless, slipping his tongue into your mouth and surrendering himself to the pleasure just as your walls flutter around his cock and signal your orgasm. Feeling you tighten even harder around him is almost too much, and he doesn’t realize he’s thrusting so violently into you until you break the kiss and scream his name. He fucks into you without abandon, growling your name over and over again until he lets go and falls over the edge with you. You’re aware of how harshly you’re dragging your nails across his back, and before you can apologize for accidentally sending him into a sensory overload, Hunter is falling against you and sinking his teeth into your shoulders, shooting his cum so deep inside you that you feel the warmth of his seed spread across your body. Neither of you stop moving, wanting the other to reach absolute pleasure before you finally slow down. As you come down from your highs, you wonder if you should ask Hunter what he was going to say right before he came, but you get distracted by the way he begins to slowly move off of you. 

“No wait,” he’s about to move off of you when you throw your arms around his neck and keep him flush against you. You can almost feel his heartbeat sound against your chest, and you’re sure he can hear your own singing for him, but you pay no mind to it, instead focusing on the heat of his skin as it slides against yours. 

“Stay.” You ask once, hoping that he’d listen to you without wondering why you wanted to have him crush you with his weight. 

“Wrap your arms around me tightly.” He says after a while, and as soon as he knows you did as he said, he slips his hands beneath you and holds onto you as he rolls around. The action shifts his cock inside you, and both of you moan out in unison at the shock of oversensitivity that strikes across your spines. He is careful when he moves again, and once he’s comfortable on his back, he slides his hand up your body and grabs your neck. You pull back to look into his eyes, offering him a lazy smile before resting your cheek on his chest again. 

“Does this feel good?”

“I- I liked your weight on me…but yes, this is nice.” You decide not to lie to him, knowing that he may misunderstand your answer if you didn’t give him the whole truth. 

“Noted.” You can hear the smirk in his own voice and snuggle closer into him, not realizing that your playing with his hair until he nuzzles closer into your hands.

“Stay as long as you like, ad’ika.”

You make a mental note of asking him what all of those words mean later, but for now, you surrender to his embrace and the gentle touches he continued to grace you with. Neither of you say anything else as you relish the sweetness of the moment, and before long, you notice that Hunter’s heart was beating much faster than it should. You’ve been sitting without much movement for a long time, so you wonder briefly why his heart was threatening to leap out of his chest. The thought of being the reason behind such a reflex makes you think differently of Hunter, and you hope that your hunch is right or else you’ll end up making a fool out of yourself when you ask him to take you to bed again. 

Just thinking of doing this again with Hunter sends your spiraling and you unintentionally clench around him, but this time, you realize that he’s grown hard again. In fact, you could feel him pulsing inside of you, and you hope he doesn’t sense the shift in your body or else you’d have to explain to him why you were getting wet again. 

“Don’t forget our little agreement sweet girl. I told you I’d know if you were thinking of him.” Hunter breaks the silence suddenly, and you frown at the sentiment, not because it was far from the truth, but because Hunter thought you were thinking of Tech and not him. 

“I didn’t forget.” You pull away and pout at him, wanting him to see that you clearly weren’t lying to him. 

“Then what’s making your heart race so suddenly?” It’s the first time Hunter asks a question that he clearly doesn’t know the answer to, but when you look away from him and draw strange patterns over his chest, he knows instantly what it was you’re thinking about. 

“Interesting…” You roll your eyes at him, unable to hold back from giggling along with him when he cracks a smile and laughs at your obvious irritation. 

“H-Hunter,” you break the moment and gulp nervously when he meets your eyes and gives you his undivided attention. 

“Yes, mesh’la?” If there was ever a moment where Hunter was at his most peaceful, you think it may be this one. 

“Kiss me? Please?” You’re reluctant in your request, unsure of whether he’d draw the line here now that you weren’t actively trying to fuck each other. But as he’s done so many times in the past few hours, he surprises you with an answer that you’d later pinpoint as the first time you truly felt something deeper than attraction for him. 

“Never ask for what’s already yours, cyare.”

[xshines]

mizu x reader enemies to lovers

sry for being inactive, im lazy af; also i might continue this one

Falling pieces of snow slowly began to cover the surface of the broken sword, thrown somewhere in the distance on the cold ground, no longer incapable of saving you. The cold snow slowly began to compact and melt beneath your shivering, warm body. The cold metal of your rival's sword blade hugs your thin neck. You dared to look up at her as she hovered over you, her expression blank. She finally has you. She looks at you lying so pathetically in front of her now. She squints those blue eyes of hers to scan you once again, your scratches, your torn clothes, a moment longer she lingers on your torn side, which stains your clothes and the snow beneath you with a dark crimson. But finally her eyes land on your face, finally able to take a closer look at the face of one that has been getting under her skin so much lately. Her enemy. Oh, how she hated you.

You know your fate very well, you are very aware of what is about to happen. Even though your body is shaking from exhaustion, from the snow and cold wind, you try not to show your fear. Despite your increasingly throbbing wound, you don't even hiss or whine. You're not asking for mercy. On the contrary, you frown and even give her that defiant look. Like you're daring her to cut your neck.

She hesitates, hesitates the longer she looks into those big eyes of yours. She has killed countless men, but their facial expressions were different, they were afraid, they were begging, they were screaming, asking for mercy. You are different. The sight of your helpless body, covered with blood dripping from your side, invokes sympathy and nostalgia in your eyes. For some reason, she finds in them a strange innocence that she herself was stripped of a long, long time ago. You look so soft. You look so pretty. “You’re so young…” her voice whispers while her eyes stare into your face. You could only wonder why she hadn't yet swung her blade and sliced your neck cleanly once and for all. "Does it matter now?" You answer in an equally quiet, hoarse voice. The cold wind blows strands of hair and sticks them slightly to your forehead.

Your words echoes in her head. She is brave. You haven’t shown fear nor pleaded for life, which makes her feel…something. She is strong. The cold blade still doesn't pierce the soft skin. "Why didn't you ask for mercy...?" She speaks quietly, only a silent breeze passes by, whispering snow in her hair. She is special. Not many survive an encounter with her, even those who have begged and fallen to their knees.

More and more you felt the blood flowing down your side, staining your clothes and coloring the snow. You just snorted at her question. Despite how much blood you've already lost, you still collect the remaining energy to growl in response. "I am not a dog. I'm not going to whine for mercy." You even dared to give her that determined look again.

All sorts of thoughts were running through Mizu's head now. She’s not afraid. She doesn't know her place. She's just like me. She lowers her katana. Her enemy is more than just an enemy.

"What are you doing?" The question falls from your lips as your eyes follow the blade as it moves away from your neck. „You should kill me.”

The moral monologue battles deep within Mizu. She still wants me to kill her. I should kill her. With the sound of the blade, Mizu raises her sword and returns it to its scabbard. Her gaze falters — a rare moment of weakness. "How old are you?" She steps closer as her voice echoes in the snow-covered landscape, while her blue eyes scan their enemy's body, taking in every tiny detail — bruises, scars, wounds. A glance at the blood that continues to seep down your side and stain the snow. An unexpected feeling, unknown to her, wells within her. An urge to protect this young person, as if you had reminded her of her younger self.

This sudden change in attitude surprises you. You swallow, gritting your teeth as you consider whether to answer the question or ignore it. After all, you no longer have a weapon, and even if you wanted to get up and run away, with this wound by your side, it wouldn't be difficult to catch up with you. "… 20." Mizu frowns when she hears the answer. She really is just like me. You are only a few years younger than her, but you have already chosen this terrible path of violence. “Stand up” she demands quietly. You look sharply at Mizu, as if trying to feel the catch. Slowly, you tuck your legs and push yourself up into a sitting position with your arms. You grit your teeth and widen your eyes as now your wound reminds you even more of its existence. After a moment of deep breaths, you gather yourself to get up. You'd rather bite your tongue than hiss in pain in the presence of your enemy, and finally you slowly, swaying slightly, stand in front of her.

Mizu’s gaze remains fixed on her rival, not taking her eyes off you for a single second. She sheaths her katana entirely, and a soft snow breeze fills her senses. The sound of snow crunching beneath her enemy’s feet resonates inside her mind, echoing inside of her heart. "What is your name?"

You think for a moment. You don't have the strength to think about why she's suddenly asking you so much information about you. The only thing you focus on is the throbbing pain at your side. "[Y/N]" You reply quietly, your head slightly bowed as you grab your side and try to apply pressure to your wound. “[Y/N]…” Mizu repeats after you. Her enemy’s name echoes in her mind, as if a whisper. The cold wind passes by, caressing her senses, touching her face with invisible fingers, carrying a hint of fresh winter air. Her blue eyes soften, as if looking at the most beautiful thing in existence. “Your name…is beautiful…" she sighs, unable to take her eyes off her enemy. “…like you,” Your face relaxed slightly at this sudden compliment. It's been a long time since anyone complimented you or your appearance. You opened your mouth as if you wanted to say something, but after a while you remembered the situation you were in and frowned again. She is your enemy. „Shut up” You groaned, unable to hold in the pain any longer. You lowered your head and clenched your eyes and teeth. When you looked at your hand, entirely stained with blood, you shuddered. Mizu watched your reaction very carefully. Deep down, she admired you for still having the nerve to tell her to shut up despite bleeding profusely and being on the verge of death. She's strong. She’s beautiful. “I’m taking you with me,” Mizu said sternly, as she approached you. She lifted you, her enemy into her arms.

Her closest enemy. Oh, how she adored you.

[auspicioustidings]

Fixer Upper

Summary: Request for some fluffy established relationship PricexReaderxSoap for @bunnyreaper (pls be advised I am working through my ask box and the next one is this throuple but horny :D)

Words: 1.3k

“It's a fixer upper love!”

It was the first thing John had said to you when you had emerged from the trees and seen the cottage that was now yours and he was not lying. The place was falling apart.

“Och come on bunny, going tae have tae see the vision!”

Ah, Johnny could always read your face and right now your scepticism must be written all over it. He used bunny when he wanted to wind you up a little. The first time you and the two of them had really sat down and spoken about your relationship, turned it into something formal, he had joked you were their barracks bunny. John had laughed but smacked him upside the head for that.

“Sure thing Sergeant John, let me just get my rose tinted glasses. Now where did I put those things?”

He stuck his tongue out at you. You had your own nickname ready to wind him up. Usually you'd differentiate by calling him Johnny but if he was misbehaving then you differentiated by rank. John always liked that though, even if he did tell you in private all the time how Johnny would definitely make Captain one day and take over the 141 so he could retire and just have fat babies with you.

“Come on love, Captain John will take you through it” John laughed, scooping you up easily into his arms with Johnny rolling his eyes.

“Traitor, bonnie wee bunny bats her eyelashes and it's all Captain John this and Captain John that.”

Still, John placated him by leaning over with you still in his arms and planting a kiss to the side of his head. God you loved when they were soft and tender with one another. Even before you were all together you had loved just watching how they took care of one another. It was a solid sort of affection, the kind that had become instinct to them over conscious effort.

They both fell into an easy rhythm around one another when you crossed the threshold (twice you crossed it because Johnny had watched John carry you like a bride over it and then stolen you to do the same before you were finally put down). John would point out something to be fixed and how to fix it, Johnny would wax poetic about what it would be like when done.

It took you two rooms before you couldn't help but see it, could not resist getting drawn into their warm excitement. You joined in even, arguing with Johnny over where the Christmas tree would go, going on tip toes to give John kisses when he agreed he would teach you how to tile properly so you could help with his vision for the kitchen.

You knew them and you knew they'd want to do it all themselves, but they were away so often and it was so important that when they got home they actually had downtime. Of course they disagreed, but they had come to learn that while on the field they took care of everyone, here in the peaceful warmth of home it was you who took care of them. So they grumbled and sat down with you to go over tradespeople who you could bring in to help. You only had to smack John once when he refused someone on the basis that they had an attractive sounding name and he wasn't about to let their bunny wind up in a porn plot. Honestly it was probably the best you could have hoped for.

–

The soft glow of the lights made your cottage seem like something out of a cosy dream. It had taken time and effort and love but here you were with the perfect home all ready for the holidays.

There was a soft festive tune playing as John danced with you, holding you close with your head tucked into him. Johnny had braved the snow to walk down to the village and post your cards for the rest of their team. Well partially, mostly he was probably going in to say hi to all the old dears so they could fuss over him as always. You and John always teased him for being their favourite, but it was sweet to watch.

“I love you” you sighed against him, no reason for the words really other than knowing it made him smile to hear them.

“I know, everybody loves me, it's the beard I think.”

You laughed and leaned back, giving him a light tap on the nose in chastisement.

“That'll be it John, if you ever shave I'm out of here.”

“I love you too, more than I could ever put into words.”

Sometimes you couldn't believe you were so content, but softly being kissed by one of the men you loved in the home you had made together made everything just feel right.

“I spoke with Kate.”

You tilted your head at him, encouraging him to continue. It was always a struggle to try and not worry whenever he said something like that. Were they getting shipped out again? Was something dangerous coming?

“This is my last Christmas in active duty love” he said, smiling fondly at the tears already forming in your eyes. “Not told Soap yet, but I've recommended him for Captain. Simon is pushing for it too, don't think he'd accept anyone else as his CO.”

You knew it was always what John had wanted, for Johnny to take over. He spoke with you about it sometimes, explained how it would be tricky moving him from Sergeant to Captain, but with the Lieutenant backing him it would work.

It always seemed such a far off thing and now here it was, less than a year away. You were definitely crying, so happy for him and for Johnny and for yourself.

“Let's do a winter wedding.”

“You- you're supposed to propose first!” you half laughed, half sobbed.

He chuckled at the sorry state you found yourself in and smothered your face in kisses as he apologised for going about it all wrong. You heard the door open and turned to see Johnny shaking off the dusting of snow that had settled on him. He took in the situation and grinned, coming barrelling over to crush both you and John in a hug even though he was cold and wet from outside.

“Cannae believe it, ye went and asked her to marry ye without me here didn't ye?”

“Don't worry Soap, you'll get your turn. Got something to ask you later as well.”

Something about the fact it was clear they had discussed marriage before made you sob even harder, ugly crying about how happy it all made you.

“Love you bunny, love you Captain.”

You got to watch a few months later when John finally told Johnny about the promotion, all confirmed with the higher ups. You got to cry all over again when John actually did get down on one knee in the summer, proposing properly. Johnny had proposed not 2 days later.

You did have a winter wedding right in your garden. They bound your hands together in a strip of tartan cloth as you declared that this was forever. Gaz got drunk and wound up giving Farah the raunchiest lap dance you had ever seen. Simon deadpanned that it was allergies anytime someone tried to tease him for crying during the ceremony.

John retired from active duty before Christmas as promised. As Johnny kissed you both goodbye and left to go lead his team to save the world once again he only laughed when you flustered horribly at his parting words.

“Mind and get started on those fat bairnies while I'm gone, cannae wait tae meet them.”

[middlingmay]

“Let me get this straight: You’re calling me at 3 am, disrupting my beauty sleep on a workday, to ask me out?" - for Buck and Bucky please!

Hello Anon!

Thanks for the request - this one was so fun to write. I hope you like it :)

They’d settled near each other, after the war.

On that Florida air strip, where Wisconsin lay one way and Wyoming another, it had taken root inside Gale: the life ahead of him with patient, wonderful Marge, who no man could ever deserve, had stopped driving him on, compared to the life behind him with John.

When Gale had turned up on John’s doorstep, all his bags in hand and asking if he knew of any rooms to rent in town, he’d gotten to enjoy the sight of Major John Clarence Egan speechless for the first time in his life.

Gale had achieved what the combined forces of the US military, countless missions, German fighter pilots and a POW camp could not.

John had tried to offer him a room at his house, but Gale refused. It would have been easy, so easy to say yes and slip unspoken into this something between them. But Gale was sick of it being unspoken. He wanted to do it right this time.

In the days following his arrival, they found Gale a place to live, and like John, he found himself a little part time job to keep him busy and keep him from plundering his savings from his military salary, which remained largely untouched and offered a pretty little nest egg should he ever need it. (But not for the little apartment he and John found for him; that was hopefully only temporary.)

In the weeks following his arrival, they spent time together doing up the parts of John’s house that had gone without care for a little too long, and making Gale’s apartment feel a little more like a home. They went to eat in restaurants and John showed Gale his favourite haunts (not all of them bars, he was pleasantly surprised to see). They drove and walked around, perfectly aimless for once in their lives.

But none of it, Gale thought, could have been constituted as a date. And Gale did so want to date John. He wanted to take him out and make him feel special and walk him to his door at the end of the night and see if he could be lucky enough to steal a kiss.

He just had to ask him. Because apparently John was a gentleman, following this thing at Buck’s pace.

Gale had almost asked him that first day he’d turned up tired and hungry and John had taken care of him like it was the easiest thing in the world.

He’d almost asked him when John had dragged a heavy second-hand bookshelf up a flight of stairs to Gale’s apartment because he knew how Gale loved books and cleanliness in equal measure.

He almost asked him when Gale had a bad day and a worse evening, and John had steered them passed all the bars, up to Gale’s apartment, settled him with a poorly-made tea, and read to him from a physics book where he mispronounced half the words (Gale thought at least half must have been on purpose).

And now Gale was lying awake at some ungodly hour because he almost asked him.

Gale had been a cocksure pilot; one of the best, him and John. He had led squadrons of men in war, kept his guys together in a POW camp for a year and a half. He knew himself and what he was about. But here he was, flaking out, being a coward - a whole big pile of chicken shit - over John, who'd never made him feel anything but brave.

What kinda man was he?

Gale threw back the covers and hauled himself out of bed.

He was Major Gale W Cleven—Buck—goddamn it, and he could do this.

One of the selling points of his apartment had been its own private line. He padded out to the tiny lounge and picked up the phone and dialled the number he knew off by heart by now.

*

They were finally flying home, he and Buck. Just like he promised.

Gale grinned at him from the left. It was that grin he tried to hide sometimes, the one that showed off the apples of his cheeks and couldn't disguise his soft eyes when he looked at John.

When they both turned eyes front to enjoy the clear blue skies together that would take them home, Bucky saw them. The white far-off pinstripes of a hoard of incoming German fighters. But they were still a way off; they still had time. Buck still had time.

“Bail out, Buck!” They were so close to going home, he wasn’t risking Buck now.

But Gale just smiled at him. “Since when have you backed down from a challenge, Jon?”

The Germans were nearly on them.

“Gale! Go—get out! I’ll cover—!”

Gale petted the yoke unhurried. “Easy, Bucky. We’re safe as houses up here. Last two pilots left in the sky, just like you said.”

The Germans opened fire with a shrill ringing, ringing, ringing—

John bolted up in bed, chest heaving and heart beating hard and fast.

The phone was ringing.

He collapsed back onto the sheets. “Fuck.”

He almost let the phone ring out. It was fuck-knows-when in the morning. But then he remembered the very exclusive list of people who actually had his number, and he felt like he was jolting out of a nightmare all over again as he scrambled to catch it before it ringing stopped.

Buck. Buck might need him.

In the hallway, he snatched up the phone as soon as his fingertips grazed the smooth dark plastic. “H-hello?”

Whoever was on the other end was lucky to hear his voice over the thundering of his heart.

“It’s me, John.”

Buck. He knew it. “What is it?” He asked blunt and panicked. “What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’! Nothin’ John, I swear.” Buck exhaled slow. “Uh, I uh, god. I’m sorry; I wasn’t thinking.”

Sheepish. Buck sounded sheepish. He could work with sheepish. It wasn’t frightened, afraid.

“It’s fine, Buck,” he said. Heart finally getting under control. “C’mon, it’s fine. What’s on your mind?”

“I just, um. I was wonderin’. You promised me a baseball game. I was wonderin’ if I could take ya.”

Bucky frowned. Much as he was warmed by Gale remembering a promise he made what felt like a lifetime ago; and as much as something inside tingled and sparked at Gale asking him to one, he did wonder if Gale hadn't woken up from the same kinda dream as him. The kind that made it hard to fall back asleep and left you reaching for distractions.

But still, like hell he was going to pass up this kind of opportunity. “Well—well, yeah, Buck, of course. I'll take you to a game. “

“No.” Gale blurted too loud down the line. “No, I wanna take you. Like a…”

That tingling and sparking thing caught and used up John’s body like tinder. “Let me get this straight,” he sad faintly and cast a look at the hallway clock finally. “You’re calling me at three am, disrupting my beauty sleep on a work day, to ask me out?”

Maybe Gale’s blood was pounding as furiously as John’s, because that was the only reason he couldn’t have heard the delighted, tremulous, terrified disbelief in John’s voice.

Instead, Gale rushed out over the line, “No, no. I know. It was—God, I’m sorry, John. Go back to sleep. It was stupid—just—goodnight.”

John was left calling the dial tone Buck.

Stupid, Buck had said. Well, John felt everything he had ever wanted at his fingertips. If Buck wanted stupid, he would give him stupid.

It wasn’t far from John’s house to town, so he didn’t bother with a coat. He simply shoved a sweater over his undershirt and some boots on his feet and took off running.

By the time he got to Gale’s apartment building, the cool night had turned to fog, to a gentle spray, to a light rain. The thin pajama pants he wore started to stick, and his curls caught droplets of dewy moisture and sprinkled them on his face and neck.

He unlocked the door to the building with the key Gale had cut for him and headed straight for 1B. He knocked once and Gale didn’t answer within three seconds, so he let himself in the apartment, too.

The lights were out and Bucky headed for the bedroom, figuring Gale had gone back to bed to try and get some sleep. The curtains were thin and some strains of the street lights lit the room a little. John saw Gale, his back shoved against the wall, all bundled up like they’d never been able to do at the stalag.

He got close and gently shook his shoulder. “Buck. Buck.”

Gale woke quick and was upright in a second, eyes alert but mouth full and puffed up in sleep. “John? What’s wrong?”

Gale tried to get up out of bed but John pushed him back down. “S’okay. All good, Buck.”

“What are you doing here? It’s—”

“’Bout 3.20am. You never let me answer. On the phone.”

Gale cleared his throat and looked at his covers like they were some new textbook that demanded all of his attention. John smiled small and cheeky out of Buck’s sight and reached out to pluck up a strip of covers with his fingers to tease the material out of Buck’s grasp.

“Yes,” John whispered, smug and happy. “Obviously you can take me on a date.” He sat on the edge of Gale’s bed who now looked at him eyes wide and full of wonder. “But I want the whole nine yards: good seats, hot dogs, you desperately trying to follow along—the whole shebang.”

Gale smiled that same apple-cheeked smile from John’s dream. “You come all the way here in the rain to say yes to a question I chickened outta askin’?”

“Mhm,” John agreed cheerfully.

Gale laughed and collapsed back onto his bed. Only John’s damp clothes and the crumb of decorum he had left stopped him from collapsoing down with him.

“Thank you, John. I would love to take you out.”

“’Kay,” John said softly biting on his lip before collecting himself before it was too late. He stood up and slapped his hands on his thighs. “Well, g’night Buck. Sleep tight.”

He turned on his heels to make from the room and Gale called after him.

“John!”

John spun round, hand on the door jam. Gale looked at him, exasperated and fond.

“It is 3.30 in the morning. It’s rainin’. You can stay till morning.”

John shook his head, droplets spattering the wall. “You gotta wait for that, Buck. Your girl isn’t easy.”

Gale gave an amused huff and leaned his head back against the wall, before John’s words took root. He sat up at the gall of of the man and yelled through the open door. “Since when?!”

He heard John’s laugh even as the front door to his apartment swung closed.

[rainbowchaox]

Purgatory Pissa Masterpost Part 1:

Look guys Missa hasn’t streamed again since day 1 of the event! So I was thinking to make it easier for artists and fic writers to remember canon moments. And I am HAVING thoughts. And feeling the need to yet again be “normal” about my favorite cubitos.

Let’s be honest. Philza was so happy to see Missa was online it was adorable. In Philza POV he practically started the zooming into Missa from the top of the wall. HUSBAND SPOTTED! And the amount of joy between them seeing each other again! THEY MISSED EACH OTHER SO MUCH!!!

Then Missa! Finally got a little brave and practically demanded Philza to give him a HUG. And guys I squealed watching it live. And philza immediately GAVE his husband a hug. And then tubbo immediately was like “are you guys gonna kiss and shit?” And PHILZA broke. Like HMMM why you hesitating why the confusion. Like DO YOU WANNA KISS HIM YOU REPRESSED CROW-

Then we also have to talk about THAT scene. The scene where quite frankly Missa just stared at his husband pecs as Philza canonically flexed- causing Philza to quickly get shy. Missa is so down bad that even I was like “MISSA PLEASE!”. This is the same man in the same stream where he legit called a painting of Philza “papacito” which I learned is like the Spanish version of “daddy”. Which Missa was very judged by his own chat for. It was hilarious. Cubito Missa was a different breed of simping and yearning this stream. I wish I made all of this up, but nope IT HAPPENED CANONICALLY. AND THEY EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL?!?

But what everyone should focus on the most is when cucurocho said quesadilla island was a paradise. Mr Simpfonia himself immediately agreed because and I quote “Philza is here”. THIS IS BIG! Because EVEN Missa knows the island is horrible. Chayanne is gone for Void Sakes. BUT ITS PARADISE TO MISSA BECAUSE HE LOVES PHILZA- I’m so normal about this dudes. Because even spiderbit can’t say the island is paradise because they met each other on the island, but Missa casually says it like it didn’t rewrite pissa warriors brain chemistry. Something something Philza is comfort and safety to Missa. He loves Philza so much. Truly a bleeding heart with loyalty so strong it’s titanium.

And can we all talk about how Philza when they were separated waved goodbye to Missa when Missa back was turned? Philza doesn’t show affection through words. But by actions. Something something he is already missing Missa. The tsundere crow. JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM-

Also Missa before all of this showing off his aquarium apartment. And casually says “The point is so Philza doesn’t notice so we can stay close to him” BITCH ITS PHILZA AND MISSA FOR A REASON! Did you forget the double bed?!?!!!? Pissa love each other so much it’s slowly becoming a obsession. Not to mention mISSA in general hauntings Philza thoughts (dude checked the map to see Missa when he died-) we get it Philza you love him and are sad you got spilt up. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU NEVER GET TO SEE YOU HUSBAND AND MISS HIM-

Another great moment is when Missa heard his own team mates saw Philza and immediately was possessive and protective DESPITE THEM ACTUALLY BEING ON ENEMY SIDES was like “No don’t hurt my man”. Missa wants his husband to be safe. And nice to know his possessive streak is healthy as ever. Philza is HIS man. I swear Missa we get it- YOU LOVE HIM. THEY MAKE ME CRAZY. And guys it was a experience watching Missa POV. Because he was ignoring all the death and chaos in the chat BUT the moment when Missa saw Philza die his whole face changed expressions. Philza was the only death he reacted too I ain’t lying.

Now for the best part of the stream, Missa causally entered the VC of red team. And I quote “I’m not part of your team but I wanna tell you I love you guys”. PHILZA IMMEDIATELY SAID I LOVE YOU BACK. Of course everyone else was suspicious of Missa being so nice and called him a manipulator while Philza immediately was like “No he wouldn’t do that”. PHILZA TRUSTS MISSA SO MUCH-

LIKE WE UNDERSTAND! You guys are always on each other minds. We were fed so much! And I can’t wait to see what other cute pissa moments we get in the future- I hope you enjoyed my rambling essay. I feel like there should be a masterpost of pissa moments in case anyone needed a refresher! Will make Part 2 once we get more cute pissa moments!

[supraveng]

Trying to mend a broken heart

part one

Summary: you and Bucky don’t get along, constantly pushing each others buttons, this time he may have pushed you too far

 A/N: Non canon; Marvel characters but no superheroes or Avengers; post college AU.....I am focusing on angst for the first few chapters, I’ll decide if it changes to a happily ever after based on feedback 

Word count: 1504

Main Masterlist

Walking up to your door, ready to end this horrible day, you heard the crowd of people on the other side before even getting your key out.  Normally you would have been prepared to interrupt Natasha's hangout, even join in, but today you just wanted to curl up in bed and cry.  

You deserved a pity party, and their fun wasn't going to stop you. Making your way into the house you took a deep breath and headed straight for the liquor cabinet.  The group quieted slightly when they saw you come in but continued their conversations while you poured your first drink.  

Throwing it back in one go, you started to pour another when Nat spoke up.  "Hey, you're back early.  How was dinner with Jeffrey?". 

You could tell by her voice that she knew something was wrong and was trying to comfort you by not asking the wrong question.  Humming at her, you brought the glass to your mouth, taking a small sip before responding, "we broke up." 

Taking another full gulp, you looked up at her, trying to put on a brave face. "Actually, that's not true….him and his wife are getting back together…..so I'm not needed" you shrugged then finished the drink in your hand.  

At this point you had everyone's attention and was doing your best to appear strong.  Wanda looked at you concerned, you could tell she wanted to ask more but you decided to get it all out of the way now so you could start to move on. 

 "Apparently he wasn't divorced, they were just separated.  Why is it that every guy I date cheats, or lies or is a convict" you start rambling, only to be interrupted by Yelena. 

"Awe, I miss Joshua, I wonder how he's doing". Sam immediately smacks her arm in warning, "what? He was fun".  Natasha rolls her eyes at her sister before focusing back on you.  

"We ordered Chinese, it should be here any minute and there is plenty, join us and forget about that asshole" Wanda begged you to join them.  Looking around the room, you knew your presence would bring down your friend group and declined.  

You were almost to the stairs, bottle in hand, when you heard Bucky mumble something under his breath, but the way Steve smacked the back of his head, you knew it had to be about you, and for some reason you were willing to confront him about it.  

Bucky and you got along well the first day you met, but since then, you would both made snide comments to each other, and the longer you've known him, the worst they got.  

"What was that?  I couldn't hear you over here" you looked at him waiting for a response, not sure what to expect. 

"I said that's what happens when you date dirt bags" Bucky told you as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  At this point, all the air seem to be sucked out of the room, you couldn't hear anything besides the blood pumping in your ears.  

How dare he judge me? No one moved as you stepped closer to him, and you took a deep breath trying to calm yourself from slapping him or breaking down in tears, at this point you weren't sure which way you might go.  

"Thanks for the insight Barnes" you stared him down as best you could.  "I guess I need to break this habit of being attracted to cheating, lying, assholes.  And who better to understand that than you, right?" 

Giving him one last cold glare, you exited the room, headed up the stairs and closed your door as quietly as you could, not wanting him to think he angered you.  He couldn't have that control over you after the way he's treated you tonight and for the last 2 years

~~~flash back~~~

Natasha and you were finishing up the final touches for your house warming party when she spoke up "so Steve is bringing a friend, he's known him since forever and I think you will really like him".  

She made it seem like an innocent introduction to one of her boyfriends friends but you could tell it was a set up.  

"Oh Nat, don't do this to me.  I'm not mentally prepared to meet someone tonight" you pouted at her.  

"I know what you are thinking, but he's different"

And he was different, Bucky came to the party after everyone else arrived and brought a fun but calming energy to the house the minute he walked in.  He seemed to know everyone already, so Steve introduced you and bragged about you to him and vice versa.  

You and Bucky chatted almost the entire night, he was charming and flirty but in the most sincere way.  The smile never left your face the whole night.  As the party was wrapping up, you gladly gave him your number when he asked and were left breathless by the kiss he gave you before he walked out the door. 

Bucky Barnes had left you blissfully happy when you fell into bed that night.  The following weekend was a get-together at a nearby pub to celebrate Steve's promotion at work, and once again Bucky was the last to arrive.  

Except this time, he had a petite blonde with him when he made his way to the table you were all sitting at. He introduced Britney to the table before heading to the bar for drinks, giving you a small smile as he walked by.  What the hell?  

Not sure what was going on you decided to chat up the newcomer.  "So Britney, how do you know Bucky?" taking a sip of your drink.  She immediately looked at you, and you could tell she was judging you from head to toe, but you couldn't care less.  

Giggling before she answered "I'm his girlfriend, why else would I be here?" Her condescending tone made me want to accidentally spill my drink, but you held back.

"Oh? He hasn't mentioned a girlfriend" you smiled at her, feeling stupid for even expecting anything from him besides flirting last week, but hadn't expected things to die before they started. 

"Well, it's new, it's only been a few weeks" she replied and gave you the once over again, apparently judging your response.  "And I'm not the jealous type, I wouldn't worry about him around someone like you" she smirked knowing exactly how her comment made you feel.  Stupid to think mean girls stayed in high school.  

Trying your best to not lose your composure you smiled "definitely don't have to worry about me, I wouldn't touch him with a 10 ft pole.  I have no interest in catching Chlamydia''. You abruptly stood announcing you were ready to dance and dragged Wanda with you.  

~~~~end flash back~~~

"What the hell is wrong with you Bucky?" Steve was probably the angriest one in the room now.  When he started dating Nat, he took you under his wing like a little sister and always protected you no matter what.  

Bucky was immediately defensive and glared at Steve, "so I'm the bad guy for telling the truth?" 

He scoffs and pours himself another drink, he did feel a bit guilty but you had said hurtful things to him since that night in the bar when he ran into his neighbor and invited her to join the group since her date stood her up.  

Thinking of that night still upset him, he hadn't even got a chance to talk to you when you decided to talk trash about him to Britney.  

At first he thought it was a joke, but the way you avoided him all night and was dancing with some frat boy the whole time, he knew whatever hope he had last week was ridiculous as you obviously didn't feel the same. 

"I still can't figure out why you two don't get along".  

Bucky growled at Sam's remark, "she has been an insufferable, self centered bitch to me for no reason, I really don't care if her feelings are hurt right now".

 But he did care, he's been defensive around you since that night, not wanting to get too close so you couldn't hurt him, but every time he made a snide remark at your expense, it hurt him more than he was willing to admit.  

It was Wanda who came to your defense, “well Bucky, when you lead someone on when you already have a girlfriend, how do you expect them to react?”   Bucky looked at her completely confused, “what the hell are you talking about?” 

At this point you were finishing your shower and heard the argument going on downstairs, but assuming it had to do with a game they were playing or something on the tv, you turned on your Bad  Bitches playlist and crawled into bed.   The only thing you wanted right now was to be over this day and have a fresh start tomorrow.   

Part two

[ao3cassandraic]

What does Aziraphale know, and when does he know it? Prologue

This is a sequel to, and expansion of, several metas of mine:

Aziraphale is wise to the Metatron's game

because the Metatron overplayed his hand

so Aziraphale is covertly, kayfabe-ly begging for Crowley's help in the final scene.

You might also want to read my kayfabe post as background for this one.

I'm no longer as sold on the body-swap theory as I was (though if it turns out to be true, I'm fine with it). I still am pretty convinced that any analysis of The Final Fifteen Minutes predicated on "Aziraphale is 100% down with the Metatron's proposal!" or "Aziraphale's super-happy about being Heaven's Number Two and bringing Crowley back to be Number Three!" is not quite right.

(Oh shit. Number Two. The Prisoner. Yikes.)

Fortunately, one part of The Final Fifteen Minutes seems clear to me: Crowley's wholly on the level. That beautiful brave head-over-heels snake is giving his naked bruised heart in its entirety to his angel. He has dropped kayfabe, dropped the breakfast-at-the-Ritz posturing, broken through his reticence. He's all in. (Yeah, the "run away" solution is suboptimal, as many other metas point out, but it's what he has.)

Now, Aziraphale. Aziraphale has some specific behaviors that indicate he's happy, or pleased with an outcome:

He giggles (as while pulling Crowley into the dance).

He shoulder-shimmies. Sometimes he twists his whole body back and forth from the knees up (this has a bit of a roguish feel to it).

He tosses around words like "nice" and "good" and "kind" freely (often to Crowley's kayfabe-inflected dismay).

He does this little bent-arm swing with loosely-closed fists at shoulder level or above (as when he's telling Hamlet to buck up in s1, or exulting at their half-miracle in s2). In general his body is quite relaxed.

His smiles may be entirely open (watch Sheen's eyes as well as his mouth -- if his eyes are wide open while he's smiling, Aziraphale's happy), or they may be crinkle-eyed closed-mouth sometimes-even-tilted-head "awwww" smiles (as at Mary in s1, or Muriel or Crowley in s2), or they may be self-satisfied smirks. I think we can agree that these smiles are very different from the tense, guarded, eyes-not-involved, closed-mouth or too-toothy kayfabe smiles he gives when he's going-along-to-get-along with the archangels, in either season.

Similarly, when Aziraphale's dismayed or anxious, his body language communicates it, typically by tensing up. One of the commonest indicators is both his hands raised to around chest level, pushing out. Another common indicator, of course, is kayfabe-style suppression of movement -- the other angels control their body language quite strictly (though s1!Gabriel lets his face go a bit), so Aziraphale tries to as well when he's with them. He also overcontrols his body when he's irked (as when he sets up to watch Crowley's Apology Dance).

With that said, what I want to do is walk through Aziraphale's experience of The Final Fifteen Minutes from Aziraphale's chronological point of view (which isn't exactly what we see in the show). I want to look specifically at:

what Aziraphale learns, moment by moment

what his face and body are communicating about what he's feeling

what his words are and aren't saying

more speculatively, what he doesn't know that he might like to know

still more speculatively, what his plans might be, moment-to-moment

Because all this together, I think, gives us firmer ground to meta-speculate with than we seem to have managed thus far.

We'll start with Part 1.

[reveluving]

see you on thursday ; jeff sadecki x reader

summary: the future starts to seem brighter when Jeff reunites with a familiar face in front of the therapy clinic. 

warnings: bits of angst ; infidelity (teen!Jeff, not on reader), Shauna slander (sorry but it’s a habit at this point kdlsjsdl), your issue is unspecified in therapy (besides the plane crash), self-deprecating humour, Jeff's a little ashamed about therapy but you talk him through it. all in all, loads of fluff! 🩷

a/n: based on this ask because who am I to say no to this handsome? can't thank you enough for sharing with me this lil' idea and I hope to see more!! 💋 don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» fancy reading another Jeff fic? check out the m.list!

'But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.' ;

Jeff was the first to see you, and the second he recognized who you are, he immediately turned around, standing awkwardly in hopes that the girl he truly had a good relationship with back in high school didn't see him like this; from a well-off charmer to nothing more than a newly divorced man who has been seeking therapy for a few months or so.

Surely, that wasn’t her, right?

“Jeff?” His stomach flipped, cursing his luck. 

“(Y/N), hey,” He mentally facepalmed, embarrassed for eagerly greeting her even before his eyes landed on her, “Surprised to see you here.” 

“You're telling me,” You grinned, “You just finished your session today?”

“Yeah… You?” 

“Just got here,” You cocked your head in the direction of the entrance, “Running a little late, though. But it’s really nice seeing you. See you around!”

“Yeah, yeah, see you around.” His voice fell to a whisper by the time you entered the building. It all happened so fast, not a second was offered for him to just… digest whatever just happened.

You saw each other again a week later, greeting each other in a rush once again as it was Jeff who was running late to his session. By the time you bumped into each other again the third time, you realized your sessions aligned. 

Every Thursday, with Jeff's usually an hour before yours.

You had different therapists, though, with Jeff's specializing in his past mistakes and yours highlighting the uncertainties for your future. 

The first month of your reunion was nothing more than a quick chat in the waiting room or by the smoking area outside the clinic, with none of you dared to ask about the other's issue—the immediate sign of trust and comfort. 

Mustering the sheer courage to ask you out for coffee at a nearby café was hard, asking a particular question was harder, largely because he wanted to word it right. 

“You weren't like, scared?” He approached the topic ever so slowly upon questioning your decision to try therapy.

“I'd be lying if I said I wasn't,” You shrugged, swirling your cup, “Trust me, it took me a while. But I wasn't really getting somewhere, just thinking about it. I mean, having nightmares about being in a plane crash is one thing, who's to say there won't be a crazier, more traumatising thing than that in the future?”

He chuckled—he learned you had a knack for lightening up the mood for a topic you were still recovering from. 

But he also wanted to know one more thing. An embarrassing thought, but like you said; he wouldn't be going anywhere if he didn't at least voice it out.

“And you don't think it's a little weird to see me going to one? And me looking like this?” He motioned to himself from head to toe with a quirk of his brow. He didn't mean it in an egotistical way, not by any means. But he'd be lying to both you and himself to say he wanted to flee when he saw you after over a decade. 

“To be honest, I was kinda surprised you even recognized me at the centre.” He continued, the corner of his lips quirking half-heartedly.

“Jeff,” You said his name with a chuckle, and boy, was it the sweetest sound he had ever heard, “It’s the 21st century. If anything, I think you’re real brave for…” You motioned your hands around, hoping to find the right words, “Y’know, breaking the norm. Putting your fear and ego aside for potentially positive life-changing advice. And besides, I can’t forget a cute face.” 

Oh.

Ever since the bashful look growing on his face as he stared into his drink, you made it a point to compliment him often. Each is as genuine as the last. 

“Hey, we're scared of things we might not be aware of. Scared of making mistakes, whether we've done it before or not. But at least we know we're going through some shit. If anything, I'm a little more confident going to therapy, knowing that a familiar face is going there, too,” It was impossible not to mirror the smile on your face, albeit, yours more comforting than his, “We'll get through it. Together.” 

You meant it platonically. 

He knew that you meant it platonically. 

And yet, none of you could help it. 

It took a while to make your feelings explicitly known to each other, largely because both of you wanted to be better before taking the big leap. 

Your first true date, funnily enough, wasn't at your usual café. Much less of the milky coffee he'd get or the watered-down iced drink you'd opt for. Rather, he brought you to a quaint diner he had frequented during the last few months of his crumbling marriage with Shauna.

“Sorry about your divorce.” Somehow, Shauna became the subject in hand, but not in an awkward way.

“You didn’t even like her.” His tone wasn't accusatory but more so a lighthearted fact, paired with a knowing smile. 

“You’re right, I didn’t,” You responded with little to zero regrets, and so was the look on your face, “But you did. Love ain't easy to brush off.”

You were truthful yet considerate, if that made sense.

He knew that someday, the diner would play a big part in his life, even after he became a bachelor. It was one of the places he sought after if the house felt too stuffy, too awkward to be even in the same building as his ex-wife. Too many thoughts about her disloyalty, and soon enough, his own when he was a teen. 

He wants to be better. He always has since he and Shauna became a thing, when he became a husband, and he held onto that hope for too long, even when he saw that the relationship was hanging onto a thread. 

It was bound to happen. It was karma. It was the universe coming back to bite him in the ass, and he accepted it.

But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.

And he will, as he always has for years.

With the weekend rolling around, he didn't have to worry about closing his store in a rush to head over to your place. Not once has he ever come over empty-handed, especially with takeouts that would leave you with leftovers for the morning after. 

This time, he found you just about to carry a big box. 

“Whoop, whoop, hey. Hang on,” He tried to get your attention, picking up the pace without the risk of dropping the sets of lunch he had bought, “Let me get that for you.” 

“I can handle it.” You reassured, hands still holding the box but not lifted just yet.

“Nope. I'm not moving until you put it down.” He was dead set on helping you, standing in the middle of the walkway with a supposedly serious look. Still, you giggled—if he had dog ears, they would've definitely drooped. 

You fondly rolled your eyes, “Okay, okay. At least let me hold the food?” 

He relented, knowing he couldn't say no with the way you fluttered your lashes at him. He passed the bag of food to you so he could easily carry the box, but not before making a show by puffing his chest to hear your irresistible laugh.

As if that wasn't enough to make his heart flutter, you pressed your lips against his cheek, pulling back with a little ‘smooch’. A flush of embarrassment rose to his cheeks, and before he even realized it, a goofy smile made its way to his face.

“Thank you. One of these days, I'll make it up for your chivalry.” 

“I mean,” He was almost too shy to meet your gaze. Almost, “I won't say no to your kisses. They're kinda nice” 

He wanted to sound as nonchalant as possible, but he wasn't fooling anybody, and it showed when you playfully pouted. 

“Just ‘kinda nice’?” 

He huffed in amusement, and he didn't let himself mull over his own doubts when he quickly pecked your cheek, breaking away just as quickly before you could even enjoy his soft lips. 

“They're very nice.” He corrected, more confident and relaxed than before.

You weren't certain how long you'd been staring into each other’s eyes before you responded.

“Good, because I enjoy your pretty little kisses, too,” The stiffness in his shoulders had visibly eased. There was no way you could stop yourself from planting another one, this time, tiptoeing to kiss the tip of his nose. 

“Plus,” You turned around, heading to the door while speaking over your shoulders, “I have plenty.”

That seemed to have snapped him out of his moment of enjoyment, though the grin that you loved remained. He immediately jogged up to you when you held the door for him. 

Only to catch you by surprise by stealing another kiss before casually walking off to your living room with the box.

“I'm putting this on the table!” 

You were elated to hear the excitement in his voice. An indication that whatever you and Jeff were having from this moment on…

Was just the beginning.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

Bonus:

If you're like me who's obsessed with aquariums, then I come bearing an extra!

Though your home was a lot smaller than Jeff’s, be it a one-storey house or a high-rise, it was also full of life. Thoughts and time were made into your decision-making in your decorations, not only to make your sanctuary pleasing to the eye but also, well, a sanctuary. A place where you sought comfort and safety. There has never been a day where he’s greeted with an environment of eerie silence; a funky jazz song played at low volume, random news playing on the TV, or just you humming a tune—an indication of a good day—there’s always a sign in your home that practically said; ‘this house breathes life’.

But after a rare busy day at the furniture store, he comes over at night. 

With the extra key you gave him, he opens the door. No TV, no radio, not even a hum. But you did call him over from the living room.

“In here!” Blue light illuminates from said room, and Jeff’s come over long enough to know it wasn’t any of your usual lamps, and paired with the sounds of water continuously running, he had a hunch of what it was. 

Still, nothing could’ve prepared for the sight before him.

He has seen your reef tank plenty of times, shallow and at a length that was almost half the size of the room, placed against the wall and away from the window. Granted, he’s only seen during the daytime, so he had never gotten the chance to enjoy the beauty of it at night. Plus, you had talked about how the tank, minus the fish, could survive with light and plankton alone, but you just liked to put some effort into something you loved.

Like today.

The corals and reefs were almost neon under the singular blue light—the only source of light at that moment. The gobies and harlequin shrimps seemed more active than what he was used to, especially with you feeding the ecosystem coral food with a turkey baster. Poised and calculated, no doubt this wasn’t your first rodeo.

“Hey,” You glanced up at him, eyes brighter and lit up under the unnatural light, “I’m almost done. We can eat in a bit if you don’t mind. Turn the TV on, if you want.”

He didn’t. He didn’t even glance at the remote, too focused on the lively set of life, all in the good hands of the person he couldn’t keep his eyes off of, such as now.

“Wanna help me out?” He blinked, too entranced that he didn’t even notice your head tilting up at him, and with a look like that, how could he say no?

He was extra careful, dipping the end of the baster close to a coral, the palythoas, only to express his amazement as the mouths began to close, capturing its food the way Venus flytraps would. The gobies, too, approached little by little, eager to be fed by the gentle stranger. You were glad that you weren’t even halfway into the feeding before he arrived, enjoying how happy he was to do honours.

The small space between the two of you grew little by little before there was none. Shoulder to shoulder before the two of you practically stayed glued to one another, watching over the ecosystem and pointing at almost anything and everything that was remotely happening in the tank. None of you were even sure when Jeff had his arms wrapped around you after they were all well-fed, but what both of you did know was that you stayed in each other’s arms for a long time.

a/n: they are so fucking cute together that I hate them.

a/n ii: don't let this puppy dog-eyed man fool you. you know damn well he's a freak in bed. we've seen it ;; gorgeous rose divider by @firefly-graphics ♡

[teyamsatan]

Cruel Summer | Chapter V: Oceans and Engines (end)

Pairings: Neteyam x (f)Human!Reader

Word Count: 8k words

Warnings/notes: angst, allusions to/mentions of smut, some fluff, all the feels, 18+ minors DNI

Synopsis: "The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable. We open our hearts to it. ... To grieve deeply is to have loved fully. Open your heart to the world as you opened it to me, and you will find every reason to keep living in it."

A/N: Please read this before you read the final chapter x

Also, please listen to the playlist, and Oceans and Engines as you read, as I feel it will really enhance the experience.

I will leave my notes at the end of the chapter. Ily besties, enjoy!

: ̗̀➛ listen to the Cruel Summer playlist here : ̗̀➛ masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x)

Saturday sunset

We're lying on my bed with five hours to go

Fingers entwined and so were our minds

Cryin', "I don't want you to go"

Neteyam was disorientated and lost, more so than he's ever been in his life, a life that felt like quicksand, swallowing him whole with every involuntary move, that didn't allow him to escape until it suffocated him, until it snuffed the light completely out of his body, until there was nothing left. Still, in this state, his only thought of you, and of the necessity to find you, to talk to you, of the hope that you'd talk him out of it.

He eventually found you on the beach, staring into the distance, back turned away from him, and his heartbreak hurt, its edges bleeding and broken, reeling at the unfairness of the universe, at the thought of having to tell you, once again, that he’s abandoning you for someone else, for a sense of duty he didn’t seem to be able to overcome.

“Vol…” 

Your soft sniffles took Neteyam by surprise, as did your face, littered in tears, eyes, nose and cheeks red and swollen. Neteyam exhaled, a sharp tug of pain tugging at his insides, and he sat next to you, unable to look at your face without breaking down, so he just looked at the ocean. 

“You heard.” 

He saw you nodding in his periphery. 

“Yeah… your mother, uhm… she was talking about it when I went to check on Kiri.” 

“Vol, I…” 

“Hey… stop.” You turned to face him, your knees pressing hard against his thighs, and you reached out to his face and turned it so he was looking at you. You brushed the tears that were falling over his lips and they trembled slightly as you did. 

“I think it’s my turn to talk.” 

You took a deep breath in. 

“All my life, I felt alone. I watched from the outside looking in at a life I could never have. I watched kids, my age, blue and so much taller than me, laughing and running and playing, not for one second having to doubt their place in the world, the meaning of their lives, because it was clear as day, from the moment they were born. I watched as you guys had a loving family, and two parents who were crazy about you, and so much love filled your tent and your faces, I was always jealous. I know you know this, but my mother never wanted me. She always resented me for not being able to return back home, for being too pregnant to allow for the cryo technology needed to make it back it Earth. Seven years I knew her, and seven years were enough for her to give me enough trauma to never fully recover from it, trauma I’ve yet to outgrow. So I was jealous. I wanted so badly to be part of your family, and of your world. I hated myself, and my body, and my parents, and every little happenstance that it took for me to be here, in this place, as I am, useless and weak.

But then, one day, this boy, he changed everything. He gave me a home, in his eyes, and his arms, in his mind and his laugh. And I’ve never been the same since. We grew up together and learnt to brave life together. I was his confidant, and his court jester. He was my biggest cheerleader, and my bodyguard. We were each other’s brother and sister, and later, we were each other’s comfort and love. I found myself in him, and I learnt my beauty looking at it through his eyes. I discovered my worth in the way he looked at me like stars were born from the freckles of my skin. And I hope I did the same to him. Neteyam, you saved my life. You gave me a sense of belonging, and a home. You gave me love, and friendship, and the chance to be myself and loved unconditionally for it. And I’ll never be able to thank you for it. 

All my life, I have been selfish. I got to watch as you had to struggle with big sacrifices that you were forced to make, and got to be angry at you for making them, without really thinking about it too much. I got to always be the victim, and made you the villain, because it’s easier this way. I got to be mad at you and think of myself so much of my life. And you had to live with the knowledge that you broke my heart, and deal with that guilt on top of everything else you were going through. And… I’m sorry.” 

Your voice cracked as he tightly shut his eyes and put his head in his hands, sobbing silently, finally able to let it all out, after all these years, after so long of keeping it all in. 

You wiped away tears

But not fears under the still and clear indigo

You said, "Baby, don't cry, we'll be fine

You're the one thing I swear I can't outgrow"

“It’s my turn, now.” You tried to crack a smile. “It’s my turn to be the bad guy. It’s my turn to break your heart. It’s my turn to be selfless, for once in my life. So I’m leaving, Neteyam. I think it’s time for me to go.” 

“What?” 

“We tried." the smile faltered as you said those words, as your voice broke, replaced by glistening eyes and a poorly masked grimace.

"We gave it our all, didn’t we? It’s the best that we could do, the best anyone can do, is give it their best. We did that. And I was so afraid yesterday, afraid of the fall, and while the fall is here, I’m not afraid anymore. Because I got to love you. At last once, I got to know that you loved me too, and that all these years, everything we shared, despite what we told each other, it was real, and it was love. I got almost two years with the man of my dreams, the love of my life, and I’m grateful for it. I got to know what it was like to be in love and have it reciprocated, what it was like to belong to someone, fully, wholly, and… what better way is there to live? 

You know, it always felt like we were running on borrowed time, you and me. And it turns out we were. And while our time is up, I still got a lifetime of memories that I’ll always carry with me, that I’ll always cherish.”

He sobbed and you cried silent tears, as he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you, and you felt his whole body shake as he cried, and you let him, and you prayed you could be strong enough to withhold his pain and your own. With your head buried in his chest, you stood there, crying together, slowly coming to terms with the love you lost, and the future you’d never get, and the past that made the pain unbearable, and the body you’d never get to hold again. He was everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you kept in dreams and prayers, everything you hoped for and ached for, and you lost him, and he was no longer yours. Was he ever yours to lose? 

“You know, humans believe in this concept of parallel universes. That in this immense universe we are in, there are actually other ones, parallel to our own, in which reality differs. There are infinite realties out there, they say, each of them slightly different to the other. In a different reality, you and I are together right now. In a different reality, I get to stay, and I get to love you forever. In another one, maybe I’m an Avatar, or a Na’vi, and everything we’ve struggled through is moot to begin with. Or maybe, in another one, we’re both human, here at the same time, or back on Earth, and right now we are at our boring 9 to 5 jobs, just daydreaming about seeing each other after work, and bickering about who’s gonna take out the trash. I think things work out for us in every universe but this one, and maybe that’s ok. Maybe we have to suffer for all the other you and mes to get their happy ending, and… I think I’m ok with that.” 

“I just got you back. I just got you back.” 

“I know.”

My mother said the younger me was a pretending prodigy

Well, nothing then, much has changed

'Cause while you're wolfin' down liquor, my soul, it gets sicker

But I'm stickin' to the screenplay, gotta say I'm okay, but answer this, babe

“Come on. We still have today. You’re still mine today, and I’m still yours today. And I want to remember it, this day, not for the worst goodbye of my life, but because it’s one more day I got to love you, the way I wanted to for so long.”

You got up from your spot on the beach and you pressed your palms on his raised knees so that he’d drop them, and he did. You’ve never seen Neteyam like this, this broken before. He looked a lot like you felt, but you knew he had braved too many storms for the two of you and it was your turn. Your turn to be the strong one, to put on the brave face and allow him to mourn, the way you did when he left. He deserved this, and you were happy to do it until you left on that helicopter, as long as you managed to ease his pain at least a little. You positioned yourself with each leg on one side of his thighs, and like this, for the first time ever, you were taller than him, and you did your best to lift his face up with both your hands on either side of his jaw, smiling as your eyes met, trying to ignore how your heart was breaking in a million pieces, how this was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, how little time you actually had to look in his eyes anymore and how lost your life would be without his light to guide you through it. You ignored it all and smiled, caressing his face, softening his frown, trailing your soft fingers over his eyes and nose and lips, tugging at the sides until you forced the corners upwards, willing them into his own little smile. You allowed his tears to stain your fingers and you removed your mask and kissed them off his face, as you did his lips, and the rest of his features until you were forced away from him, like you always were when outside, like you would always be from now on.

“Come on, you can’t let me leave without another swim.” 

How is it now that somehow you're a strangеr?

You were mine just yеsterday

I pray the block in my airway dissipates

And instead deters your airplane's way

Later, you laid on his chest, looking at your hands intertwined, his so much bigger than yours, almost engulfing it altogether, taking each one his knuckles and kissing them while your uncovered airways still allowed you to, and you tried your best to forget, at least for a while, that your reality was the tragic one. He did take you swimming again, riding the ilu that you’ve come to like as almost a friend, and you felt a tinge of sadness at another thing you got in one day that you had to let go of tomorrow. He took you to the Tree of Souls, which was forbidden to outsiders, but he didn’t care, not anymore. He wanted you to see it, because in his dreams, he always showed it to you, and in his dreams, you saw it and your guise and manner of expressing yourself brought him so much happiness it always woke him up, and he was glad to know his mind still knew you better than it knew itself, because you reacted exactly the way he’s always imagined, and it did make him so happy that he could cry, that he did cry, once more, tears barely dry from last time.

How was he supposed to let you go? How was he supposed to go ahead with this, when every fibre of his being, every thought of his mind belonged to you, and always will? When he finally found you, when he finally got you, when he knew what happiness really looked like, and how it had always been buried in the depths of your soul, and he just needed to ask for permission to enter it, and now that he had, he didn’t think he could ever leave, and he knew he didn’t ever want to leave. How could life be so cruel, and this summer, the cruelest of them all? 

But heaven denied

Destiny decried

Something beautiful died

Too soon

You took a detour back to the village and stopped on a different beach, isolated and reclusive, full of greenery and sandy beaches, that you decided was now your beach, your own little portion of heaven in the reef, that Neteyam promised would be for just the two of you, for the rest of time, as long as he could help it. He was happy to know he’s once more learnt your body like he used to know it back home, and devastated at how he would never get to put his lessons to good use after today, and from tomorrow, every new scar, and new curve, every new freckle or mole, it would all be unfamiliar to him, never to be seen or learnt again, never his to know again. 

“I figured out what I want.” Neteyam says all of a sudden, and you raise your eyebrows, confused at his words. 

“Hmm?” 

“Our little bet in the water? I beat you to it, and I was supposed to tell you what I wanted and you were supposed to do it.” 

“Ah, yes.” You say, almost impossible to perceive that that was just yesterday, and how it felt like a world away, like a life away. 

“So what do you want, 'teyam?” 

“I want you to promise me you’ll be happy. And you’ll live your life to the fullest, just like you always have when I was there.” 

Your eyes widened and the tears that followed had no time to gather in them as they came and went in a split second, and you were almost surprised you still had tears left to cry. You tried your best to put on a brave face, that you worried came off more like a wince, and you laughed, a fruitless attempt at making light of a dark, dim situation. 

“How can I be happy without you, 'teyam?” It was meant to be a joke. Just a teasing, light joke, but it came out as more of a wail, because while the words were supposed to be said in jest, they were also a genuine concern, a question that has plagued you for months and will continue to, for a very long time.

It was his turn to put a brave face on and a fake smile as he rolled his eyes and pulled you closer. 

“It shouldn’t be that hard, I’m not that great anyway.” 

You laughed too, wishing there was a way to erase the liquids pooling at the bottom of your damp mask. 

“Eh, you’re right. You’re just ok.”

You tightened your arms around his torso, and pulled him as close to you as you could. You both sighed, and tried to keep more tears from falling through. 

“Just try. Please? I need to know you’re going to try, Vol.” 

You nodded reluctantly, feeling as each crack of your heart deepened and chipped away, broken shards floating through your veins, making the ache travel through every inch of your body. 

“Only if you try.” 

But I'm letting go, I'm givin' up the ghost

But don't get me wrong

I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

You woke up in his arms as eclipse was almost over, and whatever was left of your heart sank as the dreaded new day came, and with it, the end of happiness and of life as you came to know it for almost 20 years. He was awake, you realised, as you raised your head to check, hopeless look about him as he looked up at the sky, at the eclipse melting into breaking dawn. You sighed, realising that there was very little to be said, very few words that could make this better, that could ever amend and mend the hurt in your both hearts, the loss of a relationship, a friendship and a future all in one, so you said nothing. You both watched the time ticking with each inch of the planet moving away from the sun, until eventually, the last remnants of the eclipse were just a memory. Like he now was. 

You rose to your feet, finding it hard to put on your clothes and turn around to face him. He half-rose as well, sitting with his arms propped behind him, leaning on them, as he continued to look up at the sky, not bothering to erase the tears falling down his face and chin until they hit his chest. You sat next to him, looking at the beach and at how the waves crashed onto the shores, and tried to focus on the rhythmic sounds they made to calm your racing, bleeding heart. 

“‘teyam… I think it’s time for you to go.” You ignored the way your voice broke as you spoke and you hoped he would, as well. “I think it’s time. I will stay here, on this beach, and I need you to please get up and go.” 

“Vol… I can’t leave you… please…” 

“Yes, you can. You will get up, and you will go, and you will be the selfish one for once. And you will do your duty, which is what you’ve always wanted to do, and you will meet this girl and fall in love with her in time, and watch as she adores you, because how could she not?, and you will be Olo’eyktan, the way you were always meant to be. You will do all these things, because you have to. Because, deep down, you know it’s the right thing to do.” 

You were both crying, sobbing in each other’s arms, trying to find the courage to leave, to finally say goodbye.

“I’m so sorry, Vol.” 

You shook your head. One last time, you took off your mask and kissed him, and you poured it all into the kiss, the goodbye you could never bring yourself to speak out loud, the love you had and now had to leave behind, the dreams and aspirations that were now just specks of sand blown in the wind, you put it all in that last kiss, and felt him do the same. 

“Don’t be sorry. I love you so much. And I forgive you.”

 

“I realised something these past two days. I held on to so much hate and anger because it helped me deal with your loss. But it was haunting, and piercing, my time away from you. The fire that was fuelled by my rage burned cold, like frostbite. But this… is different. Forgiveness is warm. Like a tear on a cheek. Think of that… and of me, when you stand in the rain. I loved you completely, and you loved me the same. That’s all. The rest is confetti.”

“Now go.” 

And so he did, and so you watched his back as it got further and further away from you until he was completely gone, and alone at last, you finally felt free to fall apart. 

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright

Someday I'll be fine

But just not tonight 

The ceremony was beautiful. She was beautiful. Tall and turquoise skinned, with luscious, long, curly hair and a supple, jewellery-adorned body, she was everything you would never be. Jake insisted that you stayed. You were family, this was a happy time, and you should be here to celebrate. And so you stayed. And you watched as the Tsa’hik symbolically bound their destinies together with a piece of woven thread. You watched as she brought their heads together and made them recite words of promise and forever, looking into each other’s eyes, praying to Eywa for a fruitful mateship and for healthy offsprings. You said your tears were happy tears, just excited tears, when asked by the scientists and the rest of the Sullys, and you felt suddenly sorry for them, that they would never know. That in their midst, the greatest love story they would have ever seen was born and died, and they were ignorant of it. And you were angry at them, and at the world, for it had missed you, and missed him, for it will never know a love like yours, a love that was beyond this life and the next, but you resigned yourself, in the end, in knowing that it was enough that you knew, and that he knew. It was enough. 

After the ceremony, you had to watch as they left, just the two of them, headed towards the Tree of Souls, where you were just a few hours ago, and knowing what they were going to do made you sick, so you excused yourself and ran, as far as you could in the opposite direction, before lunging forwards and expelling all the pain and hurt that was too overbearing to remain contained in your body. You tried to think of anything else, like Tuk, and Kiri and Lo’ak, like Jake and Neytiri, like the beautiful beach and the sea and the animals inhibiting it, but everything came back to him, and the images flashing of him doing what you did last night to her, of his queues intertwined with hers, of having access to the part of him that only you were ever privy to, of the agonising thought that all your life, you were just a trial run for the real deal… it was hurt unlike anything you thought the human body could withstand, and yet you did. Because you promised him. That you would try to move on, and try to be happy. 

“Don’t be a stranger, ok, kid? I know you were upset, and we’re really sorry, but we want you in our lives. Ok?” 

You nodded and hugged Jake, and the rest of the Sullys, knowing you were lying, that you'll never come back here again, but glad to at least get this moment with them, a moment to catch-up and say a proper goodbye, and despite everything, despite it all, you were happy you came. Norm was right. It was good to have closure, it was good to let the people in your life that you love them, and that you’ll miss them, and that life will never be the same without them. You never know where life will take you next, and everything can change at a drop of a hat. But at least you got this. You got to love Neteyam, and hold him. You got to laugh and chat as you always used to do, you got to tell him how much he’s always meant to you and hear how much he’s loved you in return, and you got to ease his pain, at least a little, and despite it all, you were grateful. 

Plungin' into all kinds of diversions

Like blush wine and sonorous soirées

But even with gin and surgin' adrenaline

I see you're all that can intoxicate

The ride home was quiet, or at least it appeared so to you, as you didn't register anything besides the emptiness of your own soul and the overflowing of your thoughts that were trying to understand it all, trying to piece together what they had just witnessed and what they'd have to do to get you through the upcoming days. It was quiet, as was meeting spider again, although you vaguely remember some echoed cries and screams, some pleas of "please make it stop", someone carrying you to your room, and falling asleep in unfamiliar arms, that weren't blue or dotted with stars, that weren't the ones you ached for, the ones you'd never be in again.

The days were slow, and dragging. It was hard to find your footing in this new life. Before Awa’atlu, despite the anger and the pain, there was some hope in your mind, that you’d one day see him again. It was enough to keep you going, even if it was for you to yell at him, to curse him off, to scream about how angry you were and hope that he would apologise and make it up to you. It kept you going, that unlikely scenario, made you push through the hurt and change. But now, you didn’t have that anymore. There was no unresolved issues, no lingering, hidden feelings that could still be confessed, no way for him to one day return and ever be yours in any form ever again. There was nothing there. And that gaping hole left by his absence, by the love that was nested in your body with nowhere to go, with no one to give it to, the hole left by everything he was to you and the life he’s left behind, it was enough to cower you, to knock you down, day after day, enough so that you couldn’t find it in you to get up in the morning. 

Oceans and engines

You're skilled at infringing on great love affairs

'Cause now my heart's home

All I've known is long gone and ten thousand miles away

And I'm not okay

Norm’s subtle knocks were unmistakable - he was always gentle and kind, and always mindful of your disposition. You didn’t answer, but he came in anyway after a while, his hand over his eyes. 

“Is it ok for me to come in?” You sighed and rose from the bed, feet dangling off the side. 

“Yes, Norm. I’m coming to the lab now, sorry for being late.” 

He came in and the door slid closed behind him with a soft thud. He sat next to you on the bed and looked nervously at his fidgety hands. You rose an eyebrow, intrigued as to what could have made him this way. 

“Kid… are you ok? Like… are you truly ok?” 

Your eyes widened imperceptibly at his loaded question, that you knew you could never answer truthfully, that no white lie could ever cover. So you didn’t. 

“Why wouldn’t I be ok?” 

“Because there’s no light in your eyes anymore, kid. Because I look at you and it’s like I’m looking at a ghost. Because you’re scaring the shit out of me and Max.” He sighed, and reached over to take your hand in his and squeezed. 

“We didn’t know. About you and Neteyam, we didn’t know.”

Your gaze snapped at his face, and he looked sad and… almost embarrassed looking back at you. 

“Norm, wh-…? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“You know you can talk to us, right? I know it’s weird to talk to your surrogate uncles, but we’re here for you, kid. And you shouldn’t have to go through something like this alone. I’m sorry you had to sit through the ceremony, we didn’t realise until it was too late.” 

“How?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you spoke. 

“During. And after. We had to watch the life getting snuffed out of your eyes slowly on the way back home. I’ve never seen anyone look so sad before… maybe except him. It was supposed to be one of the best days of his life, and yet, he’s never looked worse, the poor kid.”

“I’m sorry, kid. How long…?”

“It’s… complicated. I’m sorry I never told you. We both felt it wasn’t something anyone would be comfortable with, and we both know it could never last. It was supposed to be… fuck. I don’t know what it was supposed to be.” 

Norm sighed and put a hand on your shoulder, giving it a sympathetic tug.

But I'm letting go, I'm giving up the ghost

But don't get me wrong, I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright, but just not tonight

"Did I ever tell you about Trudy?" you shook your head. The name sounded familiar, and you're sure you've heard it from Jake or Max, but other than the fact that she was a human that died in the war, you didn't know much else.

"She was... well, I guess she was my Neteyam." tears immediately gathered in your eyes at his statement and the empathy that engulfed you, because, if it was anything like it, then you pitied Norm and wished you could take away some of his pain, just like you wish someone could take away some of yours.

"I loved her, so much. I loved this planet when I came here, but it was a superficial love. I was young, and wanted nothing else than to prove myself, that I'm a good scientist, that I'm a good researcher. I was jealous and bitter of Jake for getting what I thought was my chance at success, at fame. And then I met her, and she was so full of light, and spark. She was brave, and kind. She just wanted to live and laugh and fly her helicopter, and... and do the right thing. Not because it would have brought her money or prizes or acclaim, but because that's just who she was. I thought I knew what love was, what being a good person was, what being happy was, but I didn't, not until I fell in love with her. When she died, I was so lost. I felt like a part of me died with her. I thought I'd never recover, and to a certain extent, I never did. I wish I can tell you that time heals, but in reality, that's not a guarantee. But you want to know something?"

"All her lessons, both meant and inadvertent, everything she meant to me, all the memories we shared, everything is still here. I still carry it with me, and it will always be a part of me. She will always be a part of me, and while that thought scared me in the beginning, while I hoped that time healing meant I would forget, now I know it means embracing the happiness it gave you, all the ways their presence in your life made you a better person. It means knowing that love is real, and it's everything, because you felt it with them, because they shared it with you. It's what makes this life worth living. And pain is just a reminder of how incredible your time together was. Cause in the end, what is grief, if not love persevering?"

Tonight was the first time I stared into seas

Of beguiling sepia two years ago

And the first time I learned real world superpowers lived in three words

They revitalise my fraying bones

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

“Happy birthday, Vol.” 

“So, how would rate your 19th birthday compared to your 18th?” 

You thought about it for a while. 

“Well, I can say it’s had a lot less booze, but a lot better sex.” You both laughed while your head was rested on his shoulder, as you watched your favourite season of your favourite show, sprawled in bedsheets, his naked body glimmering in the dark and reflecting in your eyes as you took his beauty in, that you never got accustomed to, no matter how many times you saw it. When the credits rolled in and the music faded, leaving a dark room behind, silent apart from your breaths, that were getting laboured once more as desire built up in your core yet again, you straddled him and watched his face get closer to yours, until your lips met, until his tongue explored your mouth and neck, leaving traces of him on you, until your hands trailed his chest and abdomen, lingering over his abs, until they reached what they were looking for, until he made you scream, over and over, until you let him. 

“You’re a fiend.” 

“I’m a fiend?! What about you?” Neteyam shook his head, and you scoffed and rolled your eyes at what you thought was a preposterous statement. 

“Let’s think about it. Who seduced who the first time? Who was drunk off their ass and asked to fuck, huh?” 

“Who kept getting boners around their best friend until one day she had the guts to do something about it, huh?”

He rolled you off of him with ease and pinned you to the ground, smirking and pushing his hips into your still dripping core. 

“You know why I kept getting boners, Vol? Because I could smell you. I could smell how wet you were around me. Your scent drove me nuts for so long. It still does. You intoxicate me. You drive me fucking crazy, Vol.” 

You said nothing as you looked in his eyes, as your heart fluttered much like the butterflies that were digging their way through your stomach.

“‘teyam…” He shuts you up with kiss, tender and soft, so unlike his words or actions, and you melt into it, and the fear creeps in your chest as you fall for him deeper, as you half-consider just telling him, just coming out with it, because fuck, you loved him and this wasn’t helping. 

“I have something for you. Birthday present.” Suddenly, he got off you, leaving you a breathless mess, and retrieved something from the pile of clothes on the floor. He plopped himself next to you and pulled you close, until you were resting his head on his torso, and you snuggled into him, glancing at the object in his hand curiously.

His words were soft-spoken and quiet, almost bashful, and you noticed his heart picking up speed, thumping loudly in the ear that was pressed tightly against his chest. “I didn’t know what to do for your birthday, considering you’re already blessed with the best gift in the world… my presence in your life, that is…” you snickered sarcastically, and he continued. “…but, every time I go on a mission, I think of you, and your voice that tells me to be safe, and I see your eyes looking back at me as you stitch my wounds afterwards, and I make it a point to grab a pebble at the end of each mission, to give to you. But, for one reason or another, I never did. So here.” He grabbed your hand in his, turning it upwards so your palm was facing the ceiling, and dropped the item in it. 

A necklace. A gorgeous, stunning, impossibly beautiful choker, with tens, if not hundreds of beads and pebbles of different colours and textures woven into it. It looked majestic, fit for a queen, or a Tsa’hik, and you felt tears pool in your eyes at its meaning, at how long he must have been collecting these for, with you in mind, at how long it must have taken to make, at how much it meant to him, and now to you. He took it from you and you held your hair so he could fasten it around your neck. It fit you perfectly, and you smiled up at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“How did you know it was going to fit?” He smiled and your fingers caressed your cheek, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. 

“Let’s just say I’ve had my hand wrapped around your throat enough times to have a pretty good frame of reference.”

You couldn’t help the blush in your cheeks, or the way your reached back for your new gift so you could trace your fingers over it, imprinting the feel of every bead in your mind, thinking of each one and trying to correlate it to a time, or a place, to a hunt or a battle he was part of that you weren’t, but how you were ever-present in his mind. 

“Do you like it?” 

“I love it, ‘teyam. Thank you.” 

“Making this necklace, it was a good reminder that you have been the only constant in my life since I was born. No matter how much my life has changed, how much I changed, you’ve always been there to brave the storm with me. And I love you, Vol. You’re my best friend. Forever.” 

“Forever.” 

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

The hurt of the dream lingered as you woke up, as you had to deal with its remnants that were tattooed in your mind, as you had to once more convince yourself that somehow waking up is better than what you just left behind. It wasn’t, it never was. It was hard to find the will to get out of bed when in bed, this was your reality, filled with beautiful memories and hopeful fantasies, whereas out of bed, your reality was filled with war, and fighting, training til everything bled, and the gaping hole of heartbreak. And to top it all off, it’s your birthday today. A day that stopped belonging to you two years ago, and was instead just another bitter reminder of his absence. 

You got up from the bed and showered, finding comfort in the water hitting your skin and untying the knots in your tense muscles. It's taken awhile, weeks for you to mourn, but you have officially started training with Spider and Tarsem again, and you hated to admit it, but it helped. Being outside, in the forest, from dusk til dawn, thinking of nothing else but the ache in your body and the focus on the target, on the next goal, the next milestone, it kept your mind occupied and it allowed you to cope better than you ever expected. It was nice to be around other people, and you felt grateful for each and every one of them, because in truth, you didn't think you could have made it on your own.

When you made your way through the village to join everyone for breakfast, you were greeted with a myriad of screams of happy birthday, from humans, avatars and Na'vi alike, and for the first time in weeks, you felt a tinge of joy in your heart, and a swell of gratitude for the unforeseeable change in attitude from the people of the clan. For the first time in your life, you felt welcomed here, and you didn't know whether it was Tarsem's influence, or the Na'vi having another reminder, now that the Sky People were back, that not all humans are inherently evil, or your strenuous effort to be one of them and join in the battles and the training, but regardless of what it was, it was a gratifying change.

"Birthday girl, come on. We've been dying to give you your present." Max had the biggest smile on his face and an item you couldn't place in his hand.

"Here. Happy birthday, from all of us."

You raised an eyebrow.

"From all of you? That's a big present."

You took the curious contraption in your hands and twirled it around. It was lanky and weird, and it looked old, before your time, and even their time. You noticed as you inspected it that it had an eyepiece that resembled that of a microscope.

"That, kid, is called a stereoscope. Look into it."

You did, and as you put your eyes in the socket, a big picture of... cells came into view. But they weren't cells you've ever seen before.

"What is this?"

"Those, kid... are your cells. Actually, if we are being specific, they are your future Avatar's cells."

The stereoscope fell from your hands and you were happy Spider had catlike reflexes because it looked precious and unique and you didn't want to break it, but God, in that moment, you really couldn't care less.

"What did you say?"

"You know all the things we got from the humans that we didn't know what to do with or what they were? Well, we figured it out, kid. You, Spider and Max are all getting Avatars. And their technology massively improved, too. They're growing like crazy, it shouldn't take more than a year. By next year, you might be able to take it out for a spin."

A year later, as you celebrated yet another birthday, you had to give it to the scientists for being men of their word, as you stood in your new shiny Avatar body, that you've already become used to in the few weeks you've been inhabiting it. The mountain stronghold was filled with laughter and music as the celebration was underway, as people celebrated you and your 21st birthday, a big event back on Earth, apparently. You laughed with the rest of them, drinking and telling stories of this and that, trying not to dwell on the thoughts that were burrowing through layers of your mind, coming to the forefront, unwanted and unannounced. Thoughts of him, of you, thoughts of how this Avatar could have been the answer to all your problems if news of it came even if a few weeks before, how the universe was cruel and mocking, and how none of it mattered, not anymore. You wanted to focus on the positives, and you would. Just not tonight. Tonight, you had one last thing to do.

Now what do you do when your pillar crumbled down

You've lost all solid ground

Both dreams and demons drowned

And this void's all you've found

And doubts light it aglow?

As the celebration died down, in the early hours of the morning, you made your way to a place you loved so much, that you knew you needed to see once more, today, on your birthday. Because this place was his place, that he shared with you a long time ago, that in time became your place, and there was no more appropriate time to visit it one last time than today, on your birthday, exactly 3 years after everything changed between you. It was a long walk, on treacherous paths that you felt uneasy traversing by yourself, but there was no one else to do this with - not outside of him. Eventually, you pushed past thick foliage and greenery and you saw it, and despite how much time it’s passed, it still felt like the wind was knocked from your lungs with enough force to make you fall to the ground. It’s like no time passed at all. It still felt like he never left. To this day, his ghost haunted you, his memory continuous and unperturbed in your mind. 

Eventually, you pushed back and sat on the edge of the cliff, like you did the first time he brought you here, and looked at the endless beauty of the vast drop and the roar of the waterfall as it fell and hit the river underneath. 

You couldn’t even remember all the times you have been here, both of you looking ahead at the view, laughing and talking with no cares in the world, just happy to be in each other’s presence, happy to feel safe and understood, and have someone to complain to, someone to share your deepest secrets and fears with no judgement. All the times he’s watched you cry, or made you cum, too many to count, too many to forget. 

I have so many questions

But I'm pouring them into the ocean

And I'm starting up my engine

You would have given anything for him to be here as you were now, tall and blue and supple, to be able to share this moment with him, to be able to kiss him in this place you both loved, that carried so much of you, of him, to be able to know one day you’ll bring your children here, that you’ll be able to watch it pass by from the back of an ikran as you went on a family trip. You wondered if he would have found you beautiful like this, if he would even recognise you. You barely recognised yourself these days, both like this and going back to your human body, your real body, that changed as you spent more time in the neurolink, learning to be Na’vi, building up the strength in the only body that now seemed to count. You wondered if he would be excited with you, or if he’d miss your normal body. You wondered if he’d just forget about your body altogether and focus only on the blue one you were currently inhabiting. 

You wondered if he was happy. If he was getting along with his new mate, if she’s nice to him, if she knows how to mend his wounds and that he’s allergic to some of the plants a Tsa’hik uses for healing ointments. You wondered if he’s suffering as much as you are, even after all this time, or if he’s moved on, like he should, like you should. There were so many questions, that will forever remain unanswered, but that’s why you were here. You were here to look at this place one last time, to throw all the unsolved mysteries of life, and love, of the past and future away, away in the river, so they can float away into the ocean and be lost in the abyss, and allow you to finally move on.

You reached your hand in the pouch you had tightened on your chest, and pulled out a necklace, the necklace, that meant too much to you, and you looked at it, tracing your fingers over every one of the many pebbles embellishing it, reminiscing about the stories you made up in your head about each one, remembering each memory Neteyam told you they were about, watching as tears bounced off of them as the world became blurry around you, until eclipse slowly faded away from view and day took its place. You stood there for hours, thinking, crying, trying to build up the courage to do what you knew you had to do… needed to do. 

And I'm letting go, I'm givin' up your ghost

It's come to a close, I marked the end with this last song I wrote

Late in the night, with one last look at the necklace that didn’t fit you anymore, at all it represented, with one last glance at every pebble - each one, in your mind, a memory, or a touch, or a kiss, or a laugh, each one an i love you, an I miss you you said to each other, each one a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month spent together, each one a memory you’d never get to make, a touch, or a kiss, or a laugh you’d never get to share again, each one an I love you or an I miss you you’d never get to say or hear again, you let go of it all, letting it fall over the edge of the cliff, hoping that he’s happy, like he promised you he’d try to be, and determined to keep your own promise in this new life, a life that started and will end without him.

I'm letting go, this is the last falsetto I'll ever sing to you

My great lost love.

A/N: there it is, besties. the intended end to cruel summer. honestly, i just wanted to say a massive thank you if you managed to reach this far. when i started this blog, a few months ago, and posted the first chapter of illicit affairs, i did it on a whim, i did because i thought why not? Now, 2000 followers later, I get to write so many stories I never thought I'd ever get to, or even think of, and it's all because of you.

Cruel Summer means a lot to me, as i think it signifies my growth as a writer, my growth on this platform, and as a person learning through deal with my own personal issues through my characters. I loved writing it so much, I cried so much, probably more than with any other story I wrote, and I hope I managed to make you feel something, and maybe think, bc that's all I want, that's all anybody that does any sort of art can want i think.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and I hope you stay for what's next, bc I'm not done, as long as there's still people that want to be here. I love you and am very grateful to all 2000 of you.

thank you @karma-is-a-cat-purringinmylap bc this ending is the way it is bc of her and her sending me this song back in like chapter II. I love you and you changed my life by introducing me to niki. (initially, the chapter was going to be Happiness after TS's song)

Also see if you can spot all the quotes from different games/tv shows i used ;)

Taglist: @liluvtojineteyam @pinkpantheris @fanboyluvr@bananafruityawne @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @netemoon @www-interludeshadow-com @jackiehollanderr

[betweenbreaths]

something to get used to (zoro x reader)

Summary: Both you and Zoro are afraid to lose each other and take too long to finally admit it.

Rating: G

AO3 link is in the replies to this post! I am a complete sucker for character A getting angry and avoiding character B at all costs, so here is an entirely self-indulgent fic and I hope you enjoy :)

***

Zoro had screwed up. Royally. 

It wasn’t exactly new for him, but this time, even he could tell it was a big one, seeing as it had been days since she had last spoken to him. 

At some point, Nami, who usually kept her nose out of things like this, had snapped at him for being an “insensitive ass”. While he certainly hadn’t appreciated the brutal honesty or choice of words, he knew she was right. Even Robin had intervened, telling him in that usual nonchalant tone of hers that he should probably do something about it soon. 

The thing was, he was trying, okay? It wasn’t like he was sitting on his ass and doing absolutely nothing. He had been trying to approach said crewmate for days now, but each time he tried, she would deliberately avoid eye contact, ignore his calls of her name and would be out of his sight within seconds of him spotting her. How big was this ship, anyway? It was starting to get ridiculous, the fact that it was this difficult to track down a single person, even if she didn’t want to be found. 

Frankly, the whole thing was starting to grate on his nerves too. How was he supposed to apologise to someone who was clearly not interested in being in the same room as him? Just this morning, he had spotted her in the kitchen talking to Sanji, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t get annoyed at how she was chuckling at the love cook’s shitty jokes and bad pick-up lines. He’d tried to approach her, but before he could even get close it seemed she had sensed that he was there, and before he knew it, she was already on her feet and scuttling out of the room with her head down. Sanji could only stand there, stunned by the abrupt end to their conversation. 

The cook had promptly shot a glare in Zoro’s direction, which the swordsman returned evenly.

All in all, Zoro was at his wit’s end here, and he was running out of ideas. And patience.  

A sudden jerk on the boat had him nearly losing his balance, and shouts coming from the deck snapped Zoro out of his thoughts. From the crow’s nest he looked out the window, where a huge fleet of navy ships had gathered and which were quickly approaching the Sunny. Looking down, he noticed that the entire crew was gathering on the deck, including her. 

Without a moment’s hesitation, he rushed out of the crow’s nest and leaped down, landing smoothly on the deck with the rest of the crew, right next to her. Again, she didn’t acknowledge his presence, her eyes fixated stubbornly on the enemy in front of them. 

A small sigh escaped him as he readied himself for what was coming. He supposed the apology would have to wait for now. 

***

You were being petty, and you knew it. 

You should have already known the kind of person Zoro was by now: strong, fiercely loyal, and brave in the face of danger. He may be rough around the edges, his words often curt and harsh, but otherwise you knew that he was really a softie at heart and would do anything for his crew.

And it was precisely that part of him that worried you to no end. If it came down to it, you knew Zoro was prepared to sacrifice anything, including himself, as long as his friends were safe. 

That was why you had ended up losing your temper at him, after the crew barely managed to get away from Kizaru and Akainu after a recent brush with them. He had suffered severe burns in his attempt to help the crew escape, and because you hadn’t managed to duck out of the way in time. You should have been the one to suffer those injuries, but instead Zoro’s right arm had nearly been burned all the way through. It would have been worse than that if Franky hadn’t managed to refuel the ship just in time for a coup de burst then, that allowed all of you to narrowly escape. 

Thankfully, Chopper was able to save Zoro and fix his arm — the little reindeer had told everyone that if the injury had been any deeper, he wouldn’t have been able to use his arm like before. 

You had stayed behind in the men’s quarters to wait for Zoro to wake up. You had thought carefully about what you wanted to say, to ask if he was doing okay, to thank him for saving you or you might have been dead. 

But when he woke up and relief flooded you, your thoughts went haywire and the only thing you blurted out was: 

“Why did you save me? You shouldn’t have done that.” 

You hadn’t meant for it to come out that way, or to sound that angry or frustrated with him. Zoro had done you a huge favour, but you were reacting as if he had wronged you somehow. 

It was no wonder the swordsman had responded the way he had: frowning, his tone frigid as he snapped at you to leave him alone and that he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

By then you weren’t thinking anymore, moving and speaking entirely based on the emotions you felt: a storm of worry, regret, frustration, anger coursing through your veins. You had never been one to be able to hide your emotions well, and it all showed in your voice and tightly clenched fists that shook by your sides.

The argument rapidly escalated, and it didn’t take long for the crew outside to hear the raised voices. By then the both of you were going at each other without restraint, and Usopp and Chopper had to hold you back while you yelled at Zoro for being stupid and senseless in battle, for thinking that he could protect the crew all by himself. 

That seemed to trigger something in him, and you could see his eyes turn dark as he went livid. You knew you had gone too far then, and you were about to apologise, except that you were swiftly interrupted by his next words: 

“That’s my business, not yours. Just stay out of my way.” 

Silence. A deep, heavy silence filled the room. 

You knew that it was just Zoro mouthing off in the heat of the moment, but it didn’t change the fact that the words had cut you deeper than any blade could. The inexplicable pain that bubbled up deep within your chest had you flinching, your words dying instantly on your tongue. You knew what was coming when you felt a familiar lump in your throat and moisture gathering in the back of your eyes. 

At that moment, you didn’t really know what else you could do, other than run. So without another word, you had shrugged Usopp’s grip off your arms and fled the room, the sound of the closing door cutting off the cries of your crewmates for you to wait. 

A few days had passed since then, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye, or even be anywhere near him. It felt like you might burst into tears if you did, and crying was the last thing you wanted to do in front of him. 

Deep down, you knew that Zoro was right. What happened to him wasn’t your business at all, and if he wanted to protect his crew at the cost of his own body, it was his choice and you couldn’t change that. Nor was it your place to tell him what he could or couldn’t do. 

The rest of the crew obviously had their share of concerns for him as well, but it seemed they had already come to accept that Zoro wouldn’t change. The stubborn swordsman had his own set of values that were pretty much set in stone and he wouldn’t budge on them. 

So fine. You would stop caring. You would stay in your lane and not give a shit about what he did with his life. After all, that was what he wanted, right? 

Except, you couldn’t, and you knew damn well the reason why. 

Zoro may be dense, but you were no fool. You knew what those butterflies stirring in your abdomen meant whenever you saw that trademark, cocky smirk of his. You knew why you would find yourself breathless and lightheaded when you got a bit too close while training with him in the crow’s nest. And you knew perfectly well the reason you had been so deeply hurt by his words, by the implication that he wanted nothing to do with you, or you with him: 

You had fallen hopelessly for this man. 

…and you didn’t know what the hell you should do with these feelings. 

For now, burying it was the only answer you could come up with. It was clear enough that romance was far from Zoro’s mind. From what you could observe, it looked like the only things he really had any interest in was training, getting stronger, protecting his friends, and his ambition to become the strongest swordsman there was. That, and drinking lots of booze.

Romance? It would only slow him down, no doubt. Serve as nothing more than a distraction from his dream. And even if romance was on the cards, Zoro clearly felt nothing for you; that much had been made clear by what he said to you a few days ago. 

In any case, you had no time to dwell on these things. It was only distracting you from the huge fight at hand. A whole fleet of navy ships had finally caught up to the Sunny, and from what you could tell, Kizaru and Akainu were back, fully intent on achieving their goal of nabbing the crew after failing once already. 

You were occupied with fending off a whole crowd of marines. While they were lower-ranked, their numbers were slowly but surely pushing you back, and before long they had already encircled you, trapping you in. 

No one else was free enough to help, each of them engaged in their own battles at the moment. From the corner of your eye you could see Zoro, struggling to keep up with the pace of Kizaru’s attacks. His movements were duller than usual, no doubt because he still hadn’t fully recovered from the last battle. It was clear that Zoro was losing ground, however, and all you could think of was that you had to back him up as soon as possible. 

Just as you fought off another few dozen marines, sending them flying into the sea with your sword, a bright gleam of light caught your attention. 

You turned in that direction, and instantly the colour drained from your face when you saw Zoro on his knees, bleeding out and his swords nowhere in sight. Kizaru loomed over him, his raised foot glowing with a blinding yellow light. 

Time seemed to move in slow motion then, and the cries of your crewmates of Zoro’s name faded into the background, muffled as if you were underwater. Mustering strength you didn’t know you possessed, you knocked back the rest of the marines in your way, clearing the path towards Zoro.

Your body acted on instinct, moving before you could even think or register what you were doing. All you knew was that you had to get to him, before it was too late. You couldn’t lose him. You just couldn’t. 

Even the thought of it was too much to bear. 

Zoro was the only person in your line of sight as you surged forward, bolting through the air with such speed that the wind fiercely resisted in your face. You dove for the floor then, shoving Zoro out of the way as far as you could. He was heavy, but you managed somehow. 

The next thing you knew, you felt a sharp pain in your abdomen, which quickly spread to the rest of your body and you couldn’t hold back the scream that tore from your lips. You had been hit, your body breaking through the wood of the deck and the sheer weight of the force knocking the wind out of you. 

It felt like an eternity before you finally took in a sharp gasp of air, and when you did, a white hot pain surged through your body and you had to bite down on your lip to keep from screaming again. 

You couldn’t muster any strength to move, only able to let out a pained whimper when you felt a pair of strong arms grabbing you, dragging you out of the broken wood and holding you against a warm chest. 

Your vision was blurry now, everything a haze, but you could still make out green hair, and that annoying face that had occupied your mind for days now. It looked like he was shouting something at you, but you couldn’t really hear him. Your consciousness was fading, and you tasted the metallic tang of blood before spitting a mouthful out onto your shirt. 

There was a hand on your cheek now, and Zoro was shaking you to keep you awake. The jerk was only making the pain worse. Still, it worked for a few seconds. 

Then the exhaustion came like a tidal wave, and you found yourself rapidly succumbing to it. 

Just before your eyes slipped close, through the small slit of light left you kept your gaze on him, offering an upward twitch of your lips — hopefully that would make things right with him, after you had chickened out of a talk with him for so long. He deserved better than this, but this was all you could offer. 

A final cry of your name rang in your ears, and then your world turned black. 

***

It had been two days. Two days since they managed to get away from the navy, and she was still in a coma, showing no signs of waking up. Chopper had to do a blood transfusion for her seeing as she had lost a lot of blood, but for some reason she still hadn’t woken up. 

Zoro was practically losing his mind from worry, and resentment at the fact that he had been stupid enough to give Kizaru the chance to attack him like that, and that she had nearly been killed while trying to save him. 

For all that training, he was still too weak to protect the people he cared about. All he could do was stay by her side while she rested in the women’s quarters, hoping that she would wake up soon. The rest of the crew was worried too of course, but they seemed hopeful enough that she would recover in no time. One by one, they had taken turns to tell him the same thing, and while it quelled his anxiety just slightly, it didn’t take away the heavy, suffocating weight on his chest each time he looked at her sleeping face. 

“Staying here and not eating isn’t going to make her wake up faster.” Nami’s voice came from the doorway, and Zoro frowned in her direction.

“Later. I’m not hungry.” 

He heard her sigh, and then the sound of her approaching footsteps.

“She’ll be worried if she sees you like this too, you know.” She stopped by the other side of the bed, placing her palm on the sleeping woman’s forehead. “I’ll watch her for now. Go get some air, and take a bath. You stink,” she added as an afterthought. 

Any other day he would have barked right back at her for that, but Zoro didn’t have the energy to argue with Nami right then. Knowing there was no way he could out-argue her, he got up and left the room, but not before casting a lingering stare at the sleeping woman over his shoulder.

He supposed he would have to wait a while before making things right with her. He just hoped it wouldn’t take too long. 

***

When you woke up, you were greeted with the familiar sight of the ceiling of the women’s quarters. Your head throbbed with a dull pain, and you winced, trying to recall what had happened.

The last thing you remembered was passing out in Zoro’s arms after taking one of Kizaru’s hits. How long had it been since then? Were the rest of your friends okay? 

Was Zoro safe? 

Remembering the state that Zoro had been in just before you dove and pushed him out of the way, panic seized you and you rushed to sit up. You weren’t able to get up all the way though, pausing when you realised your hand was caught in something.

Your eyes dropped down, widening in surprise when you realised that your fingers were interlaced with someone else’s fingers. Your gaze trailed upwards, and found Zoro resting his head on the bed, sound asleep while seated in a chair that he had placed next to your side. 

What… What was he doing here? And why the heck was he holding your hand? 

You tried pulling your hand out of his grasp, but found that his grip was a little too tight. Had Chopper assigned him here to make sure you didn’t get out of bed? 

You didn’t want to wake the man though; suddenly your bravado from before had vanished. Without the adrenaline, you were back to your pathetic, cowardly self who was too afraid to talk to him, in fear that he might discover your feelings for him. Not to mention, you didn’t want to cry; at least not in front of him. It would only make him feel bad for something that wasn’t his fault. 

Carefully and gingerly, you tried to lift his fingers and extracted your fingers from his hold, one by one. With each finger that you lifted you noticed how calloused and rough his skin had become, no doubt from the countless battles and hours of gruelling training he would subject himself to every day. You were already smiling to yourself without realising it, chest swelling with the hope that he would one day be able to achieve his dream. If it was Zoro, you knew he could do it. 

It took a few minutes, but you were eventually able to get most of your hand free without waking the swordsman. He looked exhausted, and was probably recovering from his own set of injuries as well. 

It was just when you were about to get your last finger free that his hand suddenly grabbed yours again, and then you found yourself staring into a pair of piercing brown eyes. 

Your breath caught, and you practically forgot how to breathe when Zoro sprang up, the sleepiness completely gone from his eyes. His eyes were on you, and his grip on your hand had become tighter. 

“Zoro—” You could barely get a word out, before you felt his arms encircling you, and crashing your body to his chest. 

He was warm. Big. And everything felt right. 

His hold on you was tight, caging you in completely and leaving no room for you to wriggle away. Your hands were on his chest right next to either side of your face, and against your palm you felt his strong pulse, beating about as rapidly as yours was. 

“I’m sorry,” was the first thing he said, and it was the first time you had ever heard his voice waver. Zoro, the man who was always confident, sure and brazen, had never sounded more raw, more vulnerable to you in that moment, and for a while you didn’t know how to react other than to stay still and listen to his shaky breaths. 

“I didn’t understand until you took that blow for me,” he went on, and as he did you felt his arms tighten around you, pressing you closer to him. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s… It’s not your fault,” you replied, as tears gathered in your eyes. Damn it, this was why you didn’t want to talk; you just knew this would happen. Thankfully, him holding you meant he couldn’t see your face, but it did mean that he would easily feel your tears through his shirt. It took every fibre of your being to hold them in. 

“I overstepped, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way when you just wanted to protect us, and I didn’t have the guts to talk to you about it until now, even though I know you were trying. Sorry.” 

“Quit saying that. I’m trying to apologise to you here.” 

You couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Zoro was just as grumpy as ever. 

“Why’d you do that? I could have taken it.” He was referring to Kizaru’s kick. 

You could only shrug in response. “I don’t know. My body was moving before I could think. I just… didn’t want you to get hurt.” 

“The same goes for me, you know,” he said, and those words filled you with some kind of hope. Hope that maybe he had the same feelings for you. But that was instantly crushed when he followed up with, “We’re nakama. I don’t want you getting hurt for me either.” 

It was like getting a bucket of cold water to the face. Of course, you had known it all along: Zoro only saw you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. At least now you knew, so your feelings could stay buried until they eventually disappeared with time. 

“But, it’s not just that.” 

You felt him pull away then, to hold you by your arms and look you in the eye. His expression was serious, and you felt your face begin to heat up under his intense stare. Instinctively, you looked away. 

“Look at me.” 

His words were commanding, and you obeyed, meeting his gaze once more. They were burning with an emotion that you couldn’t quite identify. 

“That day, when I saw you nearly get cut down, I… was afraid.” His fingers dug into your arms, and he looked downwards briefly. “I was afraid of losing you.” 

You swallowed, not quite sure where this was going. In your head, this was easy enough to rationalise. “Well, that’s because we’re nakama.”  

Zoro shook his head, the skin on his forehead crinkling with a frown. “I’ve been with the crew for a while now, and each time we had a close shave like that, I was afraid of losing them too. But this time, it was different.” His eyes returned to yours, locking onto your gaze and your parted lips. “It was different, because it was you.” 

You didn’t know what to make of that. Or rather, you knew, but you were afraid to draw that conclusion on your own, lest you get disappointed once more. 

“What… are you saying?” 

“What I’m saying is,” he responded, his lips turning up into a gentle smile, one so tender that it made your heart melt, “I have feelings for you.” 

Your heart may as well have stopped then. You blinked at him, doing a double take as you tried to register his words. Feelings? You? But what about nakama—

“I don’t expect you to return them, so don’t overthink things,” Zoro continued, cutting off your frenzied train of thought. He must have been able to tell from the confusion written all over your face. “Nothing’s going to change.”

A beat of silence passed, with neither of you saying anything. 

Eventually, Zoro found it awkward enough to clear his throat and to release your arms from his grip. “Anyway, I should get Chopper in here. He told me to let him know when you woke up.” 

The sound of the chair legs scraping against wood was the only sound in the room as he got up to leave, but he was swiftly halted in his tracks as your hand grabbed his wrist to hold him back. 

He watched wordlessly as you got off the bed, and you held back a grimace at the pain throbbing in your abdomen. You’d be an idiot if you allowed him to walk away after saying all that. His confession had been short and straight to the point, exactly the way Zoro was.

And, just like Zoro tended to do, it had also pissed you off a little, and that anger was stirring up in you a boldness that you couldn’t muster before. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” 

He seemed to be taken aback at the sudden ferocity in your tone, and didn’t seem to expect to be manhandled when you grabbed him by the collar without warning and yanked him towards you, until your noses were barely touching. His eyes were blown wide, and you could see his face begin to turn red from the proximity. Up close like this, you could feel his warm breaths on your face. 

“You didn’t ask me what I think,” you told him in an almost-whisper, and you watched as he swallowed, uncertainty swimming in his eyes. 

“What do you—” 

You pressed your lips to his then, cutting off whatever stupid excuse he had to say in his defence. He always did this, assuming things on his own and jumping to his own conclusions. 

Then again, you had gone ahead and done the exact same thing, so you were probably being a hypocrite. 

Not that you really cared; all that you could focus on then was his lips against yours, gentle and tender and soft. You had released your grip on his collar by then, instead resting your one hand on his hard chest while the other wrapped around his neck to pull him closer. 

Zoro didn’t show any resistance; in fact, he quite eagerly leaned into you, arms snaking around your waist to press your curves against his body and to deepen the kiss. Things slowly grew bolder, more daring as you felt his tongue sweep across the seam of your lips. You obliged, parting your lips for him and your knees nearly buckled when his tongue entered your mouth, sliding against your tongue and swallowing the soft moan that had unwittingly escaped you. 

“Zoro…”

You felt his fingers in your hair then, and with a soft pull he tipped your head back, angling your face so that he could deepen the kiss with renewed vigour. You couldn’t help but be swept along with his pace, allowing him to kiss you over and over and over, each kiss an affirmation that his confession was real, that he had wanted you just as much as you had wanted him all this time. 

The realisation had your chest swelling with joy, and there was no stopping the big smile that your lips spread into, which forced him to pull away from the kiss. Breathing heavily, Zoro rested his forehead against your head, allowing your noses to touch. 

“So tell me again, nothing’s going to change?” you taunted, licking your lips and smirking at the man. 

“Heh.” With a chuckle and a devilish grin that made you almost forget how to breathe, Zoro lowered his lips towards yours once more. 

“I guess this is something I could get used to.” 

[stardewpoesie]

I may be reaching here, but after watching emptiness and catharsis for many times, some sort of realization (?) struck me with this sequence. 

When the girls scream out their feelings, their positions into the frames are interesting. I think it had to do with the root of the pain they are dealing with being from an exterior or interior influence, or a mixture of both. 

How I interpret it: 

Tomo: her bluntness and seriousness in her art are what set her apart from her bandmates in the past. They couldn't take her calling out their incompetence with a good face, and so they quit. Tomo's solution to this was to silence herself and restrain herself from saying what she truly thinks. The pain she feels and she lets go of is that of vowing to never restrain herself from giving her real opinions again. Because there will be people who appreciate her for that blunt honestly. And thus my deduction is that the pain she lets go of/screams out had been root inside her. Which is why her face is all over the frame. 

Subaru: I think in a similar manner to Tomo, the root of her inner conflicts lie within her. She doesn't want to disappoint her grandmother, but what truly makes her sad is the lying. Lying to her grandmother, but mainly to herself. She was finally able to let go of that by introducing herself by name, being proud of what she is doing and truly allowing herself the choice to do as she wants. So the pain she was screaming out in the frame was also mainly internal. 

Momoka: Momoka's face is slightly panned out compared to Tomo and Subaru, with magenta lines shooting out. I think it represents her pain being both internal and external. Also, Magenta pink signifies deep passion. Momoka's character is complex, she's an artist who always believed in herself, started out strong with a full conviction of what she envisioned. But her agency wanted to rip her integrity as an artist from her, and her bandmates, although caring, chose to let her go in the end at the expense of her music. No matter how Momoka phrases her leaving the band, I think it still stands for some sort of betrayal, and even Momoka recognizes it. So Momoka's search for herself begins again, but it's exhausting, and seemed pointless for the longest time. Causing her burnout. I think Momoka was letting go of both her built-up cowardice and her past with Diamond Dust as both their bandmate but also an artist of that band.

Rupa: Rupa's frame is the most obvious for me. In her frame, the background takes almost as much space as she does. And I love the choice of the background being yellow, which symbolizes warmth and gentleness. Despite her life being so hard, she is still the gentle figure of the group. I believe it's obvious that with Rupa, the world has dealt her more pain than any person deserves. She lost her most important people, and it was unfair. The pain she screams out signifies her resolve to move on to live her life despite her grief. 

Nina: with Nina I am admittedly hesitant to draw a conclusion. Her face is all we see. But the bullying she suffered through should be an external pain. Throughout the past episodes, we see how the root of her pain is wondering whether her being who she is is either right or wrong. She knows she isn't wrong, but she wants to prove it. She wants to find herself. She admits to Momoka in the first episode that she came to Tokyo because she didn't feel like she belonged anywhere. 

I suppose, the root of her pain and what she was letting go of in that moment is the idea that she was born to exist in this world. Her lyrics in the song prove as much, she wants to live now. And even an episode before, when she told her sister she's happy as she is now. The acceptance that she could exist as she was is freeing to her. 

I don't know if this is an intended creative decision, but regardless I think Nina is so brave.  Her story isn't only about what she'd suffered, but how she came out of it. The outside world meant nothing if Nina knew who she was. And how she herself is the answer that she seeked all along, her own worthiness. 

[medusapelagia]

Stupid but brave

written for @steddiemicrofic Prompt: top WC: 510 rated: M TW: injuries, mention of child kidnapping

(Ok, this story might be getting a little bit longer than expected, but I love the idea of playing with the prompts and writing one long story. So here is the third part of my Microfic Medieval AU)

Part one: I’ll make you proud Part two: Battle cry

Pain. Blinding and excruciating pain, that's the only conscious thought in Steve's mind. 

He tries to take a deep breath, but even breathing seems far too much for him. His memories are shattered and confused. He tries to turn when he hears the sounds of steps getting closer, but he's too deep in his agony to speak any word.

"Shh… Be quiet," a gentle voice tries to soothe him, "be quiet or he'll get back."

Steve has no words to ask any question, he can just whimper pitifully. The feeling of a soft touch on his cheek and something pushed against his lips surprise him. He opens his mouth and the fresh water tastes amazing.

"Slow down…" The voice says, giggling a little.

When the cup of water is empty, Steve squints, trying to protect his eyes. Even the dim light of the candles in the corner of the room seems unbearable. It takes him a couple of tries but finally, he manages to open his eyes and look around: he is lying on the ground of a prison and a red-haired girl is smiling at him.

"You are awake!" she exclaims, "I was starting to think you would have never woken up."

"Wh…”

"Where are you? Who am I?" she asks, brushing away some hair from Steve's face, "I'm Max, and you are being held captive in Vecna's castle."

At those words, Steve startles and tries to get up, but the pain is too much and he falls back with a whimper.

"Don't move. You were badly injured during the battle," she tells him, helping him get more comfortable.

"My people?" Steve mutters, gritting his teeth.

"They fought bravely, and you were braver than everyone else. Stupid but brave.” she chuckles, “You tried to fight a dragon on your own."

Steve nods, he remembers the scales and the ember eyes, "Didn't know Vecna had a dragon." Steve tries to say, coughing some blood that the girl cleans with a dirty piece of tissue.

"No one did." She sighs, lowering her eyes. 

"Why are you here?" Steve manages to ask, while he tries to sit with his back on the wall.

"My mother is a powerful mage," she replies, playing with the red braid on the side of her head, "Vecna kidnapped me to blackmail her," she explains.

Steve isn't surprised, Vecna has no qualms, killing innocent people and kidnapping kids sounds like him.

"Don't worry, we'll find a way to escape." He tries to comfort her, and his stare moves toward the big window on the wall: it's too high for him but maybe he could help Max escape, holding her on his shoulder and pushing her out.

"Don't even think about it." The girl says, catching Steve’s stare, "We are on the top of the highest tower of the castle: that window is a promise of certain death, not an escape.”

Steve flops against the wall, searching under his tunic for his medallion with Eddie’s picture.

“Where is my medallion?” he panics.

“He took it. Like everything else.”

[strangermarvelss]

class of '86- e.m

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Summary: you receive eddie’s diploma for him after his death

Warnings: angst, crying, angry reader, classmates being dickholes, mentions of blood and injuries, mentions of drug use, allusions to sex, wayne being a sweetie, not-so happy ending

Word Count: 4.8k

Request?: No

A/N: howdy! i am back with another one shot that has been on my mind since around august of last year which is insane, and since it is grad szn i thought it was appropriate to share now. slowly getting back into writing so i appreciate the patience. also note: i do not have any current plans to make a part two to this story, so please don’t bombard me with requests for it if you don’y mind :) enjoy! -sava

You have the same nightmare.

Every. Single. Night.

Every night you find yourself back in the upside down, Dustin hot on your tail as you rush over to the field in the darker dimensions version of the Forrest Hills Trailer Park, the body of the man you’d loved for several years lying on the ground as bites liter his body. Blood pooled in his mouth as he struggles for a steady breath, eyes wide as tears gather inside. You dove right down to him, scraping your knee as you clutched onto his figure and clung to him for dear life, your own breathing becoming unsteady as panic filled your entire nervous system.

You will never forget the scared look in his beautiful brown eyes, the ones you found so much comfort in for years as they shined in the bright yellow sunlight during the summers in Hawkins, or how the lights of the colorful stage lights at the Hideout would reflect off of him and enhance his performance in way. You’ll never forget the scared look on his face turning into joy when he saw you, trying to play it cool for a split second and put on a brave persona for you and his little lost sheep he helped bring to the right people.

You absolutely will never forget feeling his breath becoming more shallow as you held him, and how he was reassuring you and Dustin during his final moments. Holding you tight and looking at you lovingly until his grip on your hand loosened and his breathing coming to a halt. You felt you heart break into a million piece when his eyes glossed over and lost the feeling of his heartbeat, letting a violent scream rip through you as the pieces clicked together in your head. The love of your life was gone and there was nothing you could do to bring him back.

Dustin held you as you sobbed, his silent tears creating a puddle on your shirt as he let you grieve and process your own emotions about the matter. Later on he told you he wanted you to have your moment, that he felt bad about grieving him in front of you since you’d known him longer than he did, which made you emotional all over again while reassuring him it was okay to feel the bad feelings and holding him like he did with you as he finally showed you how messed up loosing Eddie had made him, breaking your heart all over again.

The two of you stayed in the Upside Down for a while, not wanting to abandon Eddie and leave him behind along with the rest of the fucked up dimension he would be stuck in. You tried to drag his body out, pulling him towards his trailer, but Dustin tried his best to reason with you, even thought his head wasn’t in the best place either. It was ultimately Steve Harrington of all people to help knock some sense into you, with Robin and Nancy quickly following behind him as they joined you once again. 

You’ll never forget the look of pity that covered their faces as they looked to Eddie’s body on the ground below you, then shooting you a sympathetic look as they instantly put everything together.

You will never forget the night your life changed forever.

Smoothing the hem of your sundress out, you take a look at yourself in the mirror of your bedroom, trying your best to put on a brave face for the events that would take place today. Any senior who was enrolled in Hawkins High School before the bell rang on the last day before spring break was getting a diploma, failing grades or not. They delayed the ceremony until after a lot of the bigger messes from the “earthquake” cleared, with the people in charge wanting to try and have a happy occasion for the town to celebrate for a change, giving all the tragedies that the town has faced over the past 3 years. They thought it was vital and needed to attempt to paint Hawkins as a happy town once again.

This meant that Eddie Munson, your Eddie, would be getting a diploma too. The school called Wayne directly to tell him the news, asking if he wanted to come by the high school sometime within the next couple of weeks to pick up the certificate instead of making it a public occasion. If you weren’t by the phone when it happened, you knew Wayne would’ve agreed, having lost his surrogate son and still wrapping his head around the entire situation. But you convinced him that it should be done at the public ceremony with the other students. Eddie had made it a point to actually graduate this year, and he deserved to be part of the ceremony like everyone else.

You knew going into that suggestion he would ask you to accept it on Eddie’s behalf, with half the people in Hawkins still giving Wayne a mix of hateful and sympathetic looks, as he still had matters to attend to. You on the other hand? You rarely left the house, only for groceries and the occasional meet up with Dustin. Watching someone you both admire die in front of you bonds you for life, and you wanted to be there for him and vice versa. The rest of your friends…you rarely saw, sticking to the comfort of your home as you were still coping with the stages of grief. They understand, not having lost someone so intimately like that, aside from Nancy loosing her best friend, Barb. If there was anyone besides Dustin you talked with, it was her.

Opening the door to your bedroom, you walk down the hallway and shovel a few necessities in your purse before grabbing your keys. You exit the trailer, locking the door before walking down to the new trailer Wayne was given as compensation for well…his other one being split in half. Knocking on the door three times, you take a deep breath as you wait for him to come outside and greet you. You could feel the nerves rising up, sending a weird feeling through your stomach as you thought about the different possibilities of how this could go. In a hopeful scenario, you would walk on stage and snatch the diploma right out of Principal Higgins’ hand, then quickly run off the football field after giving the other students the bird, just as Eddie said he would do back before spring break. But you knew you had to remain professional and kind, for Wayne’s sake.

The creak of the door makes you look up, seeing Wayne step out of the house with his light blue button-up shirt on and worn down slacks that you can only assume he’d owned for years now. This was the most dressed up you’ve seen him in the years you’ve known him through Eddie, with t-shirts with jeans and his work uniform for his nights at the plant being the only two versions you’d been used to. Smiling, you take a step back and walk down the steps of the small concrete porch he’d managed to create, trying his best to replicate the old trailer as much as possible. He meets you at the bottom of the few steps, extending an arm to give you a side hug. You flash him a half smile before returning the gesture, taking in the scent of soap and mint before pulling away. 

“You clean up pretty nice Wayne,” you tease, slightly chuckling a bit. He smiles, shaking his head.

“You hush,” he tells you, pointing at you before pointing towards his truck. The two of you walk over, throwing open the passenger door and carefully climbing inside. 

“I like that dress,” he tells you as he gets in the driver’s seat, his slight southern accent creeping out with each word. “I don’t think I’ve seen you wear many dress in all the years I’ve known ���ya. Mainly just some of Eddie’s old band shirts and that Hellfire shirt he made.”

You can’t help but laugh at his words, knowing he is absolutely right. It was never something you did often, just on the occasional date with Eddie, prom, and your own graduation back in ’84. Nodding, you smooth out the skirt of your dress before turning to him as he starts the engine. “Yeah, these never were really my style. Hell, the last time I wore this Eddie and I were making out in the back of his van at Lover’s Lake last summer.”

Thinking back to the memory, you can’t help but let your smile spread from cheek to cheek, replaying how his ring-clad hands always kept trying to sneak inside the skirt of the dress in order to get to “the goods”, as he referred to it.  He had tied his hair back into a low bun, something he knew that always made you swoon and completely weak in the knees. He’d packed a bunch of both of your favorite snacks and called it a picnic, which you enjoyed nonetheless. A couple of beers he snuck out of the fridge when Wayne wasn’t looking and a couple of edibles in your system, it quickly lead to Eddie shutting the van doors and pulling orgasm after orgasm from your body in the back part of the van. 

You remember Eddie being upsetting about being held back once again, starting to look down on himself and doubt his ability to ever cross that finish line. You knew you had to step in with reassurance, because hearing him talk poorly about himself always made you feel hurt. So you suggested dedicating a day to spend together, from sunrise to sunrise the very next day. You told him you could do whatever his heart desired, within rationality of course, and you would be there no matter what. No negative thoughts in sight or rainy days, just the two of you curled up in his van and eating, laughing, and being at the center of bliss thanks to each other’s company.

The smile is quickly wiped from your face, snapping back to reality and letting the loneliness sink back into your heart. You visibly frown, turning your head away from Wayne as you felt a pricking feeling tickle the backs of your eyes. Wayne continues the journey to the high school, letting the silence fall comfortably in the car to give you some peace. Wayne usually wasn’t a big talker, even before the loss of his nephew, so it didn’t feel awkward to just let the sound of the motor running in his old pickup as the two of you let your thoughts go wild inside your heads, thinking about the man that was just the topic of conversation.

You feel the truck halt to a stop, snapping out of the far off land your mind wandered to. Looking over to Wayne, he puts the truck in park and opens his door. Looking our the front windscreen, you see the old brick building of Hawkins High School, a placed where you used to wander about for four consecutive years not that long ago. You used to bring Eddie lunch on the occasional off day you had from work, taking a moment to see the old stomping grounds and visit your favorite guy in the world. Now being in front of the building left a bad taste in your mouth. Knowing how much Eddie hated coming to school, especially without you. Dealing with the constantly bullying from all the kids that had already reached their peak and pushing past that typical high school bullshit until he took his dying breath. It angered you to your core.

Finally stepping out of Wayne’s truck, you follow him around the side of the school and down the path that leads to the football field. You hold your hands together in front of you, wringing your fingers as you try and settle the nerves that reside in your lower stomach. You were bound to run into the people who saw you at your most vulnerable state, knowing Nancy and Robin were graduating and Steve and the kids would be in the crowd alongside you and Wayne. As bad as it is to admit, the only people you’re comfortable enough seeing on a regular basis are Wayne and Dustin, so having to finally face everyone else sent waves of nausea through your system.

Making your way into the stands, you make eye contact with Principal Higgins, who shoots you a sympathetic look before chatting amongst his colleagues once more, probably talking about you if you had to assume. Scoffing, you take your seat next to Wayne, trying your best not to be seen by much of the crowd. Wayne takes notice of your nerves and places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, making you smile softly.

“So uh, did they give you a run down of what will happen with getting his diploma?” He asks.

“Um, yeah. I had a meeting with Higgins and a few other faculty members and they’re doing the memorial diplomas first, then the rest of the graduating class. Everything is going to be alphabetical, so I’ll go up towards the middle of that-“

You’re distracted for a moment, stopping mid-sentence as you see a familiar hairstyle bobbing through the crowd, with a hoard of kids trailing behind him. Steve Harrington turns, seemingly yelling at the kids to stop playing around and find a place to sit, before looking out at the crowd you found yourself in. You feel your body run cold as his eyes lock on yours, as if you body was plunged into a frozen lake. He waves at you, smiling for a moment before watching his brain piecing together why you’re here, which causes him to send a pitiful but sympathetic look your way.

Cautiously, you wave, watching the kids’ heads turn to look where Steve was and copying the older man’s expression. All but Dustin, who seems very happy to see your face out in the world like he’s been trying to convince you to do for a few weeks now. But the smile quickly fades when his eyes wander over to Wayne, guilt filling his eyes as he quickly turns away. You have told the boy several times that he is not at fault and shouldn’t beat himself up over what happened, but it just makes you sound like a hypocrite for not taking your own advice.

Finally willing yourself to look away after watching them take seats a few rows in front of you, you hear the football stadium speakers begin playing the instrumental music you recognized from your own graduation, peaking down at the field and seeing the green caps and gowns flow out in two uniformed lines. Taking a deep breath, you stand from your position and walk towards the stairs of the bleachers and stand by the faculty member that would lead you and the rest of the family members that are collecting other student’s diplomas who also couldn’t be here in person.

Watching the graduates take their seats, a tapping sound comes from the makeshift stage they set up on the field, watching Principal Higgins smile out to the crowd before looking down at the notes he placed on the podium.

“Good afternoon Hawkins High graduating class of 1986,” he welcomes, pausing as cheers erupt from the about to be former students, as well as the proud families situated on the bleachers. “You have come so far within the past four years, and given the circumstances that our town has faced, it is truly an honor to be standing in front of you all today as you start the next chapter of your lives. Each time you walked through the doors of Hawkins High School, you were determined and dedicated to learning and creating memories that will last a lifetime, so it is time to keep those close to your heart as you say goodbye to those high school years one last time.”

If only everyone who went here had lasting memories, you thought to yourself. It seemed as if he was pandering towards the popular crowd, speaking directly to those who experienced the “ultimate American high school experience”, which made the nausea settled in your stomach even worse. There are kids you know for certain that are in this very crowd of green caps and gowns who did not have the best time, having gotten bullied and ridiculed for the past four years while the administration turned a blind eye. Or there were others who have lost more than they could’ve imagined, and the painful memories of their high school years will stay with them in the darkest of ways.

“Before we begin the speeches and the passing out of diplomas, I want to take this time for the families of those who unfortunately did not make it to this ceremony today. The students who gave their life for this town have been such an incredible presence to not only our school, but our community. So to the families of these students, my sincerest apologies for your losses, and we would like to serve you with the diplomas that they worked so hard to earn over the years.”

Turning back, you look up at Wayne from where you were once seated, watching him hold the tissue close to his chest as he gently began to cry. He knew his nephew was not the most liked person, and you knew he just wished Eddie could be here to prove each and every person that ever doubted him wrong.

“Jason Carver,” Higgins says into the microphone. Scoffing, you keep your attention away from the stage for Eddie’s sake. Of all the people who couldn’t make it here today, you were the least bit sympathetic towards what happened to Jason after all those years of lies and physical violence he showed your Eddie. You also didn’t need to see his older brother, Jake, whom you graduated with a couple years back, act like all macho and pretend he is still the king of the school…even two years later.

“Chrissy Cunningham.”

You turn back to the stage, watching Chrissy’s mother walk up the stairs as she weeps with every step she takes. Taking the diploma from him, she and Higgins exchange a quick hug before another faculty member escorts her off the stage. You felt bad that Chrissy was caught in the crossfire of everything that went down. Being Vecna’s first victim in the recent attacks. But what really hurt was knowing that from the moment she was taken by the slimy creep, Eddie still blamed himself, wishing he knew sooner so he could’ve saved her from all this mess.

“Barbra Holland.”

You glance over at Nancy, who you spotted as you walked to your current position. Her big round eyes grew with sadness, looking down to her lap as you watch the guilt consume her. Yet another person you felt for, because if anyone would’ve been able to stop something from happening, it would be Nancy. At the same time, however, you think the loss made her the ferocious fighter that she is today, the anger and pain of losing Barb driving her to the strength and courage she has shown each time this shit keeps coming back, which you applaud.

As Patrick’s name is called, she looks back up and out to the crowd, fixating her big blue eyes right on you. Smiling ever so slightly, you through a gentle wave her way as she does the same, her dimples creeping onto her features as she shoots you a toothless smile. Maybe there was room to have some peace and happiness come out of this day-

“Eddie Munson,” Higgins says stalely in the microphone. The entire stadium falls silent, compared to how the other kids got cheers and claps. The quiet is all consuming, on top of hundreds of pairs of eyes glue onto your figure, staring blankly at your frozen figure.

Making your way to the stage, you carefully take each step one at a time, taking a deep breath in before walking towards Principal Higgins as his arm extends with the diploma in hand. You can almost hear Eddie’s voice edge you on, gaining more and more of a sense of pride as you inch further. “Almost there,” “Third time’s the charm,” you imagine him saying to you, a wide happy grin stretched on his cheeks as the victory of finally graduating reaches its destination.

“Who let the freak’s girlfriend on the field?” you hear someone ask from the sea of graduates. Ignoring it, you reach your hand out, mere inches from touching the rolled paper tied in a bright red bow. Now is the moment everything has led to, all the bullying and negative thoughts and perceptions Eddie endured within his last 6 years. This is what he’s been craving to achieve since last summer. This is-

“DING, DONG! THE FREAK IS DEAD”

“DEADIE MUNSON, DEADIE MUNSON!”

You halt. Frozen mid step as ice floods your system once again. A stabbing pain begins permeating throughout your chest, trying your best to tune the horrible chants and phrases out before the words are replaced with a long ringing in your ears. It feels hard to breathe as you stand there, all the eyes of the administration, parents, and graduates looking at you like some form of entertainment, waiting on the edge of their seats to see what your next move will be. It felt embarrassing, which you could only assume was the goal. They had no problem continuing to tease Eddie, even after his death.

Finally finding the strength again, you take a deep breath before turning around, eyes locking on the podium as the rage inside you begins to bubble. Principal Higgins immediately steps to the side, the fearful look in his eyes telling you he had no issue with what you were about to do. Hell, now it made you think he was scared of Eddie after all those years instead of just simply hating him. 

You plant yourself in front of the stand, looking out at all the laughing bodies that fill the stands and the chairs splayed out on the grass field. Their immaturity was telling, acting as if they weren’t taking the next step into adulthood in just a few minutes. There were only a few who didn’t join in with the laughter, which made your heart feel something for the first time in a while. Nancy was looking at you sympathetically, as did Robin and Jeff within the sea of green below you. As for in the crowd, Steve’s eyebrows furrowed as a frown rests on his lips, looking over at the gaggle of children who were also silently sending your their respects. Having them by your side in the crowd was giving you some much needed courage, allowing for you to take another breath before feeling ready to finally air your grievances.

“How dare you,” you say quietly into the microphone. The crowd is once again silent, the careless dickheads that were just taunting you freezing in place and stopping their sentences. You don’t care about the dirty looks the faculty members on stage with you are shooting you, the rage inside your chest is bubbling faster and faster made it impossible to let the cruelty slide.

“How dare you all sit there and talk so poorly about someone who is no longer here. Each and every one of you have no idea the pain Eddie’s friends and family have been through with his loss, and you sitting there and making jokes of it all is the cruelest thing any of you have done to that man,” you tell him, looking around the crowd and singling out those you know are responsible. “You all didn’t know Eddie for who he truly was. Instead you judged him for who you thought he was because of his looks, or his surface level interests. Like god forbid someone prefers to go crazy over metal music and a fantasy game instead of pop hits and sports games. Eddie never believed in everyone liking the same stuff, he embraced his interests and bonded with people who were different like him, all because you assholes judged him for years and made him think that, for the longest time, it wasn’t okay.”

“You have no idea what kinds of things Eddie gave for this town. A town that hated him and made his life a living hell for nearly twenty one years. All the shit he went through as a child, all the humiliation you all put him through in middle and high school. All because he didn’t conform to the bullshit suburban standard all of you were brainwashed into thinking was okay thanks to your parents, who are sitting in the crowd and judging him alongside the rest of this graduating class,” you pause, taking a breath and wiping a tear away. “Eddie gave his life trying to save this town, wanting to prove to you all that he wasn’t a coward or that he wasn’t some evil being you all made him out to be. He was the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I almost feel sorry for you all that you never got to know Eddie for who he really was. He protected and cared so deeply for the people he was closest with and…and I miss him so much. He should’ve been here to accept this diploma, to show you all that he could do it and laugh in the faces of all who doubted him. But instead, I’m here accepting my dead boyfriend’s diploma, so I’ll leave you with my final thoughts.”

“I hope you all know that your years of torment will come back to bite you. Good luck on whatever endeavors life throws your way, and go fuck yourselves,” you spit out into the microphone. Feeling like it was the most appropriate thing to do, you turn to Principal Higgins, flip him the bird, and run off the stage. As you walk towards the exit of the stadium, you spot Wayne rising from his spot in the stands, nodding with a smile as he begins his journey to the front gate, your purse in his hand. 

The heavy weight that strained your breathing has finally lifted from your chest, the relief of getting your true feelings off your plate and expressing that so openly has you walking with so much more confidence and ease. You didn’t care what the people in the stadium thought about you are your impromptu speech, because the students of Hawkins High, and a majority of the citizens of Hawkins, were no longer of importance to you, not that they were that much to begin with. You had Wayne, Dustin, and eventually the rest of your friends now that you’re starting to deal with the grief in a healthy way.

Smiling at Wayne, he hands you your purse and begins walking with you out of the gate, his arm around your shoulder as you quickly walk towards his truck. It made your heart warm to see Wayne’s approval of the scene you caused on stage, knowing the fear of his disapproval has already been bubbling in your stomach for the past week. But for a reserved man, he sure did like to see a show of things every once in a while and have a good laugh about it later. Hopping into his truck, you buckle your seatbelt and hand Wayne Eddie’s diploma, smiling as you see the proof of his high school success sitting right in front of you.

“Now what would Eddie want to do to celebrate?” I think we should honor him by spending the rest of the day basking in the accomplishment in the truest form of Eddie.”

“Well I can think of a few things, but those are definitely not on my list,” Wayne jokes, making you chuckle.

“How about going over to the music store and buying a couple of tapes? Then we can stop and get a six-pack at the store and a few snacks and just spend the rest of the day doing nothing. I think that’s the tamest thing he would do,” you suggest.

With a nod, Wayne changes the gear of the truck and pulls out of his space and down the parking lot of the high school, entirely missing a long haired shadow peer from around the back of the school’s brick building.

[instexcamera]

I'm weak to temptation and also really loved the ramblings so may I request a Leo smut with the Former king×Loyal bodyguard AU we talked ? Afab!reader please

Pairing: King!Leo x Dog Kemonomimi!Reader

Warnings: Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Breeding kink, Dom character

A/N: Hi hi, I would like to say I apologize for how long this took, I got severely burnt out from finals and writing so I took a break which is why I have not posted, it was tiring to have to force myself to write however it is much better now! I also struggled with this some but I think it turned out ok. Also I regret ever talking about this AU because now I'm thinking of what everyone would be

Word Count: 5.3k

18+ pass this point

The coup détat was a surprise, the unwarranted banishment of the king, Leo Tsukinaga, by one of his nobles. You had followed Leo of course, having a strong sense of loyalty for him. In his luxurious days, he had taken great care of you, his most trusted knight. One of the only people who truly recognized you and held compassion. Being a kemonomimi many had assumed you were a servant, only good for simple tasks, working day in day out. Leo, however, had seen you as someone to respect, he held respect for everyone no matter what they were. He had found your fluffy ears and tail cute, and when he realized you could fight he appointed you as his own personal bodyguard.

So when the noble, Tsukasa Suou, had forcefully taken Leo's place and threw him out, you followed obediently. You did not have to flee since no banishment decree was placed upon you. Yet the thought of that caring king who you loved so much out in the wilderness alone, made you chase after him. Truth be told he could have taken care of himself. He was strong willed and thoughtful, courageous in battle and caring. He was a hunter and could acquire his own food, yet you followed.

Changing into peasant clothes, bundling up in blankets and furs, bringing a small pouch filled with a few gold coins, sword at your side you set off into the frozen wilderness after your precious king. No one had stopped you, any passerby thinking you an impoverished merchant heading out to brave the dangers of the winter with nothing but some furs and a sword to your name. Walking in the snow was unpleasant and you hadn't known where Leo had gotten but with the blizzard it must not have been too far. You were correct, half an hour of walking, when you didn't think you could continue, a splash of orange in the pristine white caught your attention.

It was Leo, lying helplessly in the snowfall, eyes closed, lips a horrible blue. They had sent him out in thin peasant garb, nothing meant for a mighty king. You had thought he would pass that day, but your immediate care for him had nourished him back slowly. Bundling him in the blankets you had brought, carrying him in your arms until you discovered a sound cave, which was where you and him "lived".

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"Wahaha! You were successful in gathering intel from the citizens! Even stealing some nut bread and sweet coffee! I will have to repay that subject in kind when I have reclaimed my rightful position." Your tail wagged unconsciously at his praise, whenever he complimented you, you couldn't shield the happiness which threatened to burst out of you. He didn't seem to mind it though, never commenting on it. Bowing down on your knees, looking up at your king's face, proudly presenting the items, "Yes my king, I shall tell you all I have learned once we sit down and eat. I do believe we have some leftover rabbit from yesterday if you wish to eat meat with our meal, or we can save it for dinner."

A ghost of a melancholy smile passes over his lips, but only for a moment, you would have missed it had you blinked. "Do not bow to me, I am no longer a king. Besides you are a trusted companion there is no need for formalities. And I have told you to not refer to me as 'king' use Leo". With a bright smile on his face, he takes the goods from your hands, abruptly turning, tiger orange hair swinging widely. Ears flattened against your head in a moment of despair, however the feeling didn't last long, your Leo was not upset just stating something he wished.

You were relieved to not be required to bow, your 'outfit', more like rags, was scratchy and itchy, hugging your body more than you appreciated. Not to mention your tail kept getting caught on some part, the fur ripping every now and then almost making you yelp. Standing back up, smoothing out the pathetic dress, oh how you wished to be back in your hunting outfit. The material was much softer and stretchy, allowing more movement and wasn't as stuffy. Changing into the outfit would be a good idea, if someone from the kingdom wandered out here it would be easier to claim you were a hunter and not tending to the king, who should be dead.

The cracking of twigs and the rustling of leaves announces Leo's presence before his voice yells out, "It's so beautiful, I know you want to eat in the cave because it's safer, but no one would come out here! And if someone did, they wouldn't mind us." This argument again, he didn't understand the citizens thought him dead. Even if it was known the king lived, Tsukasa would search the forest himself until he found him. He would execute him the moment he laid eyes on him.

"No my ki- Leo. It is too dangerous, I have told you countless times! The kingdom is restless and uneasy since your banishment. Tsukasa is struggling with his hold on power and the neighboring lands see this as an opportunity to overthrow us. If it was found that you still live they'd have your head, I do not wish to see you used as decoration such as they do to unicorns." Leo opens his mouth as if to argue with your statement, but the excitement quickly deflates as your words set in. He knew you were right, you always were, he was the one with compulsive thoughts and actions. You were the one who fought them, usually making him see reason, this time too he saw it was dangerous.

A pout on his pretty face as he looks away, body deflated as he trudged back to the cave. You hated denying him, he was always so carefree and loving, but his safety must come first. At least he understood why these actions were needed and respected them. You needed to stop dwelling on Leo, your clothes were getting no less stuffy and you were out in the open. The cave wasn't far, a change of clothes would feel so good against your skin, tail having more freedom of movement and not getting caught on the fabric was a joy you wanted too.

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The soft, stretchy fabric of your shirt was a blessing. More comfortable were the pants you were wearing, allowing for freedom of movement of your limbs and tail. Stretching it out since the dress before had cramped it some. Said dress was folded neatly and piled into a corner of the cave along with others. All were stolen from the kingdom, found in merchants' carts who were drinking away at the taverns, too drunk to realize they left a cart laden with supplies unintended. Opposite that pile were finer male garments, meant for Leo. You could rarely find anything besides peasant clothes but he never complained, always dutifully dressing in whatever was brought back.

Leo was currently setting out the few plates you had, tearing the bread apart with his hands and placing them on the plates. He had a few flowers beside him which he set on top of the bread, making an awkward sort of arrangement. Coming to sit in front of him, giggling at how he attempted to make the food presentable. The bright sun colored flowers provided a splash of color to the bread, adding in with the nuts making it look like a depressed artist's painting.

"There, a meal fit for a king because I am eating it, I bet none of the others have ever tried bread such as this before! I am the first, whaha!" Tail absentmindedly starting to wag, brushing over the cold stone of the cave floor. You admired his optimism even in the poorest of conditions. He couldn't leave this forest, let alone stroll far from the cave, having to spend his days walking the same areas or sleeping. Leo was lively and rambunctious so staying in one spot was hard for him yet he managed. When you came back from your trips to the kingdom, bareing food or supplies he would help you, instantly starting conversation.

"My dear knight, would you like some coffee? I fear it may be a tad cold since you brought it over but it shall be tasty nonetheless." He gives a small little bow, mimicking how you treat him. Holding out your stolen cup, glinting dully in the light from shining in from the midday sun. "Yes of course my king, I would be delighted." Leo pours the coffee, the rich dark liquid filling up the cup, some splashing over the side. When yours is full he fills his, his face immediately turning serious. Lunch was when you reported all your findings, perhaps coming up with a plan on how to take back the throne. "You mentioned a kingdom is planning a conquest? Is it the Land of Eternal Stars? Tenshouin is one who would, he is power hungry and has the means to achieve it." He takes a sip from his cup, verdant green eyes boring into yours. "Yes, it is all the citizens talk of but nothing is confirmed, they are all baseless assumptions." He visibly relaxes, letting out a sigh. Ignoring that, instead looking down into your own cup, reflection warped by the rich liquid.

"What about Tsukasa? Anything new about him, I already knew his control would fade. He is nothing but a child playing pretend. He will run my country to the ground if we do not attempt something." Ears drooped as you took a long sip of coffee before answering, the cold liquid was watery, the taste of coffee was barely there, this was a commoner's drink. "He is still in charge and maintaining his position however more doubt in his abilities arise. The citizens still think him a fraud and as the moons pass they feel more certain. Your battle captain, Izumi, has fled. It is not certain why but it is rumored it was from a fight. Izumi did not want to report to him or fight, calling him a wolf and saying he would rather die than be Tsukasa's protector."

Giant laughs erupt from Leo, quickly turning into coughs as he absorbs this information, putting down his cup before he spills it. "Izumi, I would have never guessed, he acted as if he loathed me, however once I am gone he wishes me back. I will have a proper conversation with him once I am back." You remember that he was right, when you had crossed paths with Izumi he seemed to despise everyone, however that must have just been his demeanor. He must be devoted to Leo to flee his home, not knowing if he can ever return.

Leo wipes tears out of his eyes, slightly shaken by held back giggles from your information. "Let us eat our meal, there is much to do before night envelopes us in her dark embrace. I also have a song I wish to sing you, I composed it while you were gone today." Nodding in agreement, spirits picking up as your ears right themselves again, looking forward to his song.

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Night had fallen which meant the moss curtain Leo and you made needed to be drawn across the cave entrance. It was made not long after you had settled here, deciding it was to be kept up most of the time so any passerby would think nothing of the hidden cave, assuming it was mossy rocks. Of course there were exceptions, sometimes the curtain was let up so sunlight could stream in, such as today. Now the winter months were passing so you often came back to find them drawn up more and more often. Chastising Leo at first until you gave in, telling him it was fine but at the first sign of a suspicious individual he needed to let it down.

Using some sticks to light a fire while Leo fixed the curtain. Striking a rock against some steel you had taken from the village, small sparks emitting until a fire caught. The days may have been warm but the nights were still cold. A small yay emits from the entrance of the cave, signaling Leo had succeeded in fixing the curtain. Your fire's crackling steadily, and the sound of footsteps getting closer announcing Leo was heading towards you.

Pulling a folded pile of clothes toward you, similar one next to it for Leo. It was your nightdress, Leo had a similar one however his consisted of a grey shirt and brown shorts. Yours was a plain flowy white, highlighting your chest however Leo never said anything. Each of you only had two pairs of night clothes. They were harder to find in the village, even harder to steal. Stripping off your shirt, feeling bare and vulnerable with nothing on. A huff from behind you signals Leo. You and him had changed in front of each other many times now, yet you found he still couldn't quite handle looking at your naked body. His face would turn beet red as he averted his eyes however you never mentioned it. Leo deserved his pride after everything which had occurred.

Pulling the light gown over your head, careful to make sure it doesn't snag on your ears. Watching as Leo bares himself of his own shirt, catching a glimpse of his scarred back before the light grey fabric covers him. You don't continue watching, knowing he'll switch his pants next. He didn't need to catch you with a flush and ears and tail perking up. This reminds you of your own pants, heavily mismatched with the white gown you wore. Quickly pulling them off, tossing them with your shirt. The feeling of the fire warmed air against your bare skin felt nice, relishing the feeling before a small cough from Leo takes your attention once more.

It was time to talk of plans to take back the throne. Every night since you had found him weak in the snow you talked of how to overthrow Tsukasa. So far none of the ideas had taken root and this night would be no different. Leo was sitting near the fire, cross legs outstretched and staring at you. He had already changed and the fire light was casting a golden hue on him. He looked ethereal in the light, such a mighty king may look on a golden dawn. "Ahem, my knight, what is the matter? We need to discuss our plan of action, we have yet to decide on one and I fear we may be running out of time. The Land of Eternal Stars will not hold off long. I need my throne so my kingdom will survive."

You start to bow before shaking your head, instead scooting closer to the warmth of the flames and Leo. Whenever it came to these plans he was serious, his impulsive tendencies rarely showed and he thought through everything. "We covered that Tsukasa is losing hold on his power. Perhaps we could use that to our advantage. The subjects could throw him off the throne if they all attempt it but I fear many innocent lives would be lost." Nodding your head yes in agreement, afraid to speak and ruin his concentration. "What if you sneak into the castle and assassinate him? That would work would it not?"

Letting out a deep sigh as you shake your head. It was not the first time he had brought up this plan and you had to deny him each time. You hated having to dash that small ray of hope he had in his eyes when you looked at him. "No Leo. I am sorry, I have told you this before. It is simply not plausible, they would catch me and execute me. You must know it is not like how it was when you ruled. They will not freely let me roam the castle, trespassers are killed on sight."

Just as the times before his eyes lose that shine as he looks down at the rocky floor. Times like these were often now and you hated how you had grown used to him losing hope. He takes a moment to stare down before his head turns up once again, eyes closed as a smile rests on his lips. "I know. Let's move on to a happier topic, one I haven't thought about in ages. Once I take the throne I need a queen and I have yet to decide who I wish to marry. I will need an heir soon, the kingdom expects it. And I wish for you to be my queen dear knight. Of course you would still be able to fight, however you would be married to me."

Looking away from him as your face heats up, hoping he would not notice. Leo had mentioned this in passing before however you hadn't thought he meant it. You remember in his office he had many letters from nobles, asking for his hand in marriage for their daughters. Simple replies of "I am sorry, I must refuse" had been sent out to all of them. You had thought that perhaps none of them had fit his taste, not that you were supposed to be queen.

Shuffling sounds from beside you remind you that you just answer Leo. You must refuse him no matter how much you may not wish too. Leo was someone you'd love to spend your life with in a more intimate relationship but he was king and you were his loyal knight. Steeling a frown on your face as you look back up, except he had moved to be right beside you. When you had been lost in your thoughts he had taken the chance to move closer, his lips were so close to yours. An expectant look in his beautiful eyes, full of love that you must dash against the jagged rocks of reality.

"I am sorry, my king. I must decline, I appreciate your offer. But I, a kemonomimi, cannot become a queen. You must know this, there was already disapproval of me being your personal knight. There would be backlash from the citizens, you cannot afford that." You didn't look at his face when you refused, looking down at his body instead. You didn't want to decline, you loved him more than anything yet, for the good of the kingdom you had to refuse. It was not an offer, it was a declaration of love you hadn't wanted to hear. A warm wet drop lands on your hand, he must be crying, but then why is your vision blurry.

Leo's hand slides under your chin, forcing you to face him. That smile hadn't left him, his face was blurry but you could make out that he had no upset look. "Why my knight, must you cry after rejecting me? This does not make it seem like a proper decline from your feelings but rather a decision made off of others opinions. I am the king, perhaps not in the castle, but I am. The subjects will listen to me, they will not find fault in you. If they do, I will address it, you will not deal with that issue." That would explain the tears, they were not his, but yours. That is why he is not giving up, your despair at your own rejection shows through. Before you can respond his lips press against yours, soft then with more intensity. His were surprisingly soft, even after months of going without his lotions and creams. Yours are cracked and dry, never really using any of the products he had given you. He had no care for how rough yours felt, continuing the kiss.

The hand on your chin moves up to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Your crying had stopped. Leo's other hand moving up your body, stopping at your ears, stroking at the base where he knew it was most sensitive. His hands felt so nice, no had ever done something like this before. Moaning a little into the kiss before catching yourself, attempting to act as if nothing happened. Leo must have heard as you feel him press more of his body against you, forcing you to lay back. You could feel the cold stone underneath your back, your nightdress being no barrier. It would be uncomfortable in this position for both you and him if he continued which you are sure he would do.

Diss connects your lips from his as he moves to your neck, kissing it. The feeling was foreign, making you shiver. "Leo, move to the blankets please." The words came out strained, he was affecting you more than you realized. A small hum comes from him as the hand in your hair slides down to your back, his other hand does too. The feeling of his kisses leave as he picks you up to shuffle over the few feet to reach the blankets, dumping you on them in an haphazard way. The impact makes you let out an oomph, tail striking the ground in an awkward way causing pain to spike. Before you could protest Leo was on you once more, one hand reaching around to soothe where your tail hit, other hand dipping under your gown.

"I'll put an heir into you sooner rather than later, so even if you are worried they cannot ignore you if you have my child. Wouldn't you like that too my knight? It must be the greatest honor to have me take you in this way." Nodding your head along to his words, too afraid to speak and have an embarrassing yelp leave instead. Your attention was focusing less on his filthy words than the way his hand was making its way up your stomach. Leo's hands were calloused from days using a sword, which were many. Having a personal knight did not deter him from fighting in battles. Today you appreciated his battle worn hands more than ever as they pinch at your nipple.

Much to your embarrassment, your thin gown wasn't doing much to hide the bud as it hardened. Poking through the fabric when Leo moves his hand away. You feel your face flush harder as you look away into the fire, hoping you weren't as red as you felt. It wasn't long until you felt the hand on your tail slide up, grabbing at your waist. Leo had been quiet for a while, silently twisting and pulling at your nipple as you struggled to stay quiet and still. It wasn't long until his head dips down to take the nipple he had been messing with into his mouth. His sharp fangs graze the skin slightly as he sucks on it, making you arch, chest pressing itself further into Leo's warm mouth.

One of his hands trails down till it reaches your panties, pulling slightly at the waist and before dipping a finger inside. Gasping, waiting for him to slip a finger inside yet the feeling never comes. He lets his hand rest on your warm skin. You almost want to cry out but the way he was sucking on your nipple and how his other hand was placing itself in your hair you don't. His hand brushes over your ear which was pinned down as you succumb to the pleasure he's giving to you. His index traces the outline of the base of your ear ever so slowly making a keen leave you. Leo was being so mean, he was teasing you, you could feel the way the corners of his mouth were lifted in a smile.

Suddenly, the feeling of his mouth is gone, leaving you feeling cold. You don't let out any noise, knowing you were lucky to receive any touch like this from him. The hand that was resting oh so close to your hole moved a little, before plunging inside you without warning. Eyes rolling straight, the pain from him inserting his fingers dry making tears form at the corners of your eyes. He lets out a laugh at your reaction before using this opportunity to attach himself to your neck as his fingers work you open. When you come back to your senses you wonder where to place your hands. Train of thought is momentarily distracted when the thrusts of Leo's fingers turn more pleasurable.

Your own wetness was starting to act as a lubricant, the pain you had felt melting in a pleasurable sensation. Hands choosing to grip Leo's shirt as he makes his own hums of approval at how your body was reacting. You almost yelp when Leo grinds the palm of his hand against your clit, the sudden feeling causing stars to appear in your vision. These sensations Leo was causing were unnatural, you had never indulged in these types of acts, too worried about Leo. How ironic it is that he is the one who will take your innocence and by the way he joyfully bites into your neck you can tell he loves it. An unusual feeling starts to appear in your stomach the more Leo continues his ministrations. He must be able to tell too, the way your body twitches under his hold and how you attempt to grind against his fingers any indicator.

Your eyes start to roll back as Leo's fingers get faster, he has stopped sucking on your neck to watch your face. That feeling in your stomach unexpectedly snaps when Leo curls his fingers just right, causing you to release on him. Back arching up as a squeal escapes as your fluids gush out on Leo. He doesn't remove himself until you're panting. You could barely focus on anything, that sensation taking over your mind. You had never known how great being intimate with Leo would be, always assuming he had no desire in any sort of acts like this. Not that you would have asked him to partake in this with you anyways, however he had indicated this.

Too lost in the aftershocks of your orgasm you hadn't noticed that Leo wasn't in your grasp anymore. It wasn't until his arms slipped under your body and flipped you over onto your stomach did you realize. Face being pushed into the blankets as one hand stays on your head, forcing you into a position with your head down. "My lovely knight, you released so good on my fingers, why not on my cock too huh? You'll enjoy it, but then again you enjoy everything I give you dear knight. So raise your ass up, it'll give me better access." Hands gripping into the blankets as you comply.

You had no room to really respond, face pressed down in such a way you couldn't quite open your mouth. In a moment you feel his tip prodding against your hole. He must have freed himself without you noticing. Pressing your hips back against him as best you could with one of his hands forcing you down, feeling the tip pop in. A muffled moan escapes at the feeling. Only his tip was in yet it was already so much better than his fingers. If your mouth wasn't being forced closed you would be drooling, you were sure of it. Leo continues pushing in, the drag of his thick cock splitting you open was foreign yet so welcoming. Based on his grunts he must be enjoying this as much as you.

When he finally bottoms out you are sure he must be showing through your stomach. You hadn't gotten a good look at his cock but based on feeling alone he must be around nine inches, thick, with veins you could feel dragging against your walls. He wasn't moving, you were grateful. He was letting you get used to the feeling of him. "Do I feel better than you would have imagined? Anyone would be ecstatic to do this with me, how do you feel, dear knight, knowing you're the one I've chosen?" A high pitched whine is your response yet that must have been enough of an answer because Leo only responds with a chuckle as his hips pull out, only to slam back in.

The force of it knocks you further into the blankets, feeling the rough stone underneath. The position was not exactly comfortable but you were with Leo and he wanted you in it. Your ears must be laid back against your head with how good he was fucking into you. You knew your tail was sticking straight up, a lovely sight for him. It wasn't long until you felt him slam into you as far as he could. The feeling of his warm seed inside of you causing you to shiver. With the position you were in it felt like it was flowing deeper inside you. "I see you haven't released my knight. I feel as if I can go once more, how about we do it together? Would you like that? I want to fill you as much as I can but it seems like that won't be today, I am sorry."

You can only hum out a yes, he had not slipped out one bit and the feeling of his thighs pressed flush to your ass was welcomed. It took a moment for the grip he had on your hair to tighten, so close to the sensitive base of your ears you were afraid it'd start hurting. He stays still for a moment, you had thought he'd continue after his words however he is still. His grip on you doesn't let up almost as if he's wanting to build up your anticipation. Wiggling your hips back against him, hoping to get a message across but it does nothing. Leo is totally silent and still behind you, you can't see his face so you have no idea what he's planning.

Just before you're about to protest, he laughs, hips resuming a brutal pace. The loud slapping noises echo throughout the cave, almost blocking out Leo's and your own noises. It doesn't take long before lewd wet sounds join the mix, Leo using his own release as more lubricant. He feels as he's thrusting harder than before, more intent on you having an orgasm than himself. The hand that's not in your hair slides between your thighs, starting to rub harshly against your clit. That familiar coil wines up in your stomach, the rough pounding from Leo and stimulation to your clit almost pushing you to the edge. Leo's own pants from above signal he's close as well, pace becoming more erratic as seconds pass.

A particularly harsh thrust from Leo and you're cumming around his cock, tightening around him as your legs give out, forcing you and him to the floor together. Your hips bang into the rough ground, pain racing through the aftershocks. It distracts you from the fact Leo's releasing once again, cum starting to spill out. He pulls out once he's fully emptied, not seemingly able to handle the tightness of your walls on his sensitive cock.

You can't move, his grip forcing you down is released but your jaw is sore, eyes blurry, and body aching. Hips even more so from the hit to the ground. Leo drops beside you, panting, having lost his shirt at some point as you watch his bare chest rise and fall. His face turns towards you, flush, bangs sticking to his forehead but he smiles. "My knight, that was fantastic. I know it will most likely not take tonight but we can continue some other time. I am not in a rush." Nodding along at his words, barely paying attention as you watch how the dying fire lights up his body in a dull orange glow, still so beautiful.

Before long you realize his eyes haven't opened and his breathing is calm. He had fallen asleep. A sliver of disappointment travels through you but you squish it down, opting instead to cuddle up close next to his warm body and take a rest yourself.