#i am being so brave about finals (lying)

[rooniper]

Completely off topic for the stuff I usually post about or reblog but I just wanted to get this off my chest: IB finals schedules are such utter and complete garbage. You will not even believe. I’m out here revising three subjects at once because the Overlords have decided I’m gonna have three finals that also overlap with one another in three days. I am writing this while my laptop sits upon five books for two seperate subjects. This is the first time I’ve regained consciousness today after spending most of it completely submerged in History and I am only now realizing I had an exam that I in fact did take in the morning because it feels like it was four days ago. I don’t think I’ve replied to most of my messages in a week. While I logically know this is not the program’s fault and only a result of my own folly, thinking I could do 4 HL subjects at once, this will not stop me from whining. On the contrary, I will whine even more. Putting History and Math this close together should be illegal. It should be a warcrime. I am but a measly overdramatic tick crushed underneath the fist of my own decisions and the only thing keeping me together now is the meagre image of dark academia I have managed to maintain and my gay-ass outfits that I show up to exams in.

[delaber]

A Date (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Summary: you have a date and Bucky’s not exactly happy about it.

Words: 3.8K

Trope: friends to lovers 💞 with a jealous Bucky trying his best to be brave, and failing horribly.

Notes: another fluff piece to mend Bucky’s heart ❤️ honestly, I have a problem with all these fluffy fics I’ve been writing recently. I just cannot stop myself lol.

"You have a date?" he manages to splutter just before the panic takes over and makes his heart skip a few beats.

Fuck!

A fucking date?!

His fingers are slipping on the wet handle of the pan he's in the midst of cleaning, and in that moment, all he can think about is how happy he is that he's currently bent over the kitchen sink so you can't make out the shocked expression on his face.

You're nodding beside him, playing with the dishtowel you're holding but Bucky can hardly make out what you're saying when you return his question with a quiet "yeah".

His ears are ringing bells and he just wants to get the fuck out of there.

Silently, he's begging for you to stop talking. He doesn't want to know more. Doesn't want to hear what you've agreed to and who you're... - fuck, what if it's someone he knows?

What if it's Sam?!

Shit!

The panic in Bucky's chest runs amok! If he walks in on his two best friends fucking, he's gonna kill himself!

With dread, he realises that he has to know how careful he needs to be around the compound...

"With - uh - with whom?" he clears his throat and curls his toes in prepared mortification, his narrowed gaze firmly fixed on a wet piece of broccoli that's lying lonely and sad at the bottom of the sink.

Please don't say Sam, please don't say Sam...

"You know the cute guy from the coffee shop?" you answer proudly, and it makes Bucky's heart spring violently back to life. That guy??? "- he finally asked me."

Well, it's not Sam - yet somehow, it's worse.

Deep breath, he tells himself and plasters on a neutral expression as he looks up from the pan and directly into your eyes.

At least you look excited, he concludes as he takes in your dreamy little smile that's usually reserved for when vibranium fingers briefly brush over your warm skin but that he now has to share with... him. The moron in the green apron. Mr I'm-too-busy-flirting-with-your-girl-to-get-your-order-right.

Fuck, he's burning up!

"That's great, sweetheart," he hears himself croak from far away, trying his best to sound like he's happy for you and not as if his heart is in the process of being ripped out of his chest. "I'm real happy for you."

"Thanks, Buck," you playfully bump your hip against his while looking down at your hands as you once again twist the towel between your fingers.

You seem almost... nervous. This date must really be a big deal to you.

He gulps and pushes away another incoming wave of nausea. It's not as if he hasn't long ago accepted that nothing will ever happen between the two of you. You're friends. That's it.

"Are you excited?" He asks without really knowing why. He doesn't want to hear your answer. To hear you verbally confirm the look you already have on your face.

Slowly you look up at him and he has to chomp down on his inner cheek to keep himself from doing something stupid.

"You know what?" you ask quietly with a tilt of your head and Bucky's heart starts racing even harder. "- I actually am."

Even you sound surprised - not that Bucky can really blame you.

"Mmh," he merely hums and pretends there's a particularly stubborn area on the dirty pan that needs his attention.

"Is that weird?" You ask.

He can feel how the sincere question in your voice laces itself around his abdomen, squeezing him tight.

Is it wrong of him to want to snap the stupid piece of teflon-coated metal in his hand in half? You're his best friend and he should just be happy you're happy.

Fuck it, he is happy! He loves you more than anything and you deserve to feel this way - he just wishes it was because of him and not someone else.

"No, sweetheart," he mumbles, trying to untie the invisible knot behind his navel as he starts scrubbing again. "Why would it be weird?"

Thankfully, you don't answer.

...

Cold droplets of water are running over your forehead and down the length of your nose, desperately trying to reduce the tension that's been resting right between your eyebrows since your conversation with Bucky last night.

Splashing your face with water is a stupid attempt to make yourself feel better - you know that - it hasn't worked the other times you've tried it and this must be the tenth attempt since you woke up this morning. The only thing that'll truly help is if Bucky would tell you what's going on.

He's been acting weird since last night, and even though you aren't sure what reaction you'd been hoping for, this definitely isn't it. You know he isn't exactly the biggest fan of the man who's taking you out for dinner later, but getting so annoyed he can barely uphold a conversation? Well, that wasn't really a scenario you'd even considered at all...

You suppose you could just tell him the truth - maybe that would make him more accepting of your choice of date - but it's not as if you can really tell him that the only reason you're going on that date to begin with is to force yourself to get over, well, him.

You've known Bucky two years now and apart from small moments here and there, nothing's happened. It's been two excruciating years full of pining and painful almosts and ifs but he clearly doesn't look at you that way and you don't want to keep putting yourself through the heartbreak. You deserve to spend your friday nights with someone who actually sees you for what you are: beautiful, smart, desirable, a woman.

And as you stand looking at yourself in the mirror, you realise that you need this date to get Bucky out of your head. Fuck if he doesn't approve of the cute guy from the coffee shop. It's none of his business who you're going out with and if he wants to be annoyed about it, then so be it.

Yet you still cannot stand the thought of him sitting by himself all night. He hasn't seemed like himself all day and you know how he can spiral over the smallest of things.

Thus, you check for Sam in the kitchen, the gym, and in the spa area in the basement of the compound, but eventually find him in the common room on the third floor, completely hypnotised as he stares at the television screen in front of him, the playstation controller grabbed tightly in his hands.

You do a quick scan around the room to confirm that it's just the two of you before you approach him. "Wilson, have you seen Bucky today?"

"Bucky? Uh - no," Sam mumbles without moving his gaze away from the animated character who's running through an abandoned city. "I assume you've already tried the dark cave he calls his room?"

"I know where he is," you sigh and flop down on the sofa next to him, stretching your legs and putting your feet in his lap. "I was just hoping that maybe you'd talked to him."

He doesn't answer apart from a few incoherent noises you're sure are for the game and not for you, so you poke at the controller with your toes to get his attention. "Sam..."

"Hey! I'm trying to save humanity from a zombie apocalypse here. Keep your stinking feet away from me," he playfully flicks the underside of your foot without sparing you a glance. "I already told you I haven't seen your siamese twin all day."

"Yeah, but do you think you could... go check on him maybe?"

"I'm busy. You go check on him."

"Sam..."

At the sound of your soft-spoken words, Sam sends you a brief side-eye before he finally tosses the controller down on the sofa table with a loud sigh. "What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything," you shake your head innocently. Is it really your fault that Bucky is too childish to accept the man you're going out with? No.

Sam runs his eyes over you and squints hard. "You guys are usually so dependent, you're practically joined at the hip. And now you want me to go talk to him even though you didn't do anything?"

"Look, he's being weird," you sigh, "- can you just check on him? Please? Maybe have a guy's night in with beer and that stupid zombie-game you're always playing or whatever?" you gesture to the television screen where the character from before stands panting, saying random stuff every few seconds. "I don't want him to be alone."

"First of all, The Last of Us is not stupid!" Sam raises his index finger at you, feigning an insulted huff. "Secondly; a guy's night in..? While you're doing exactly what if I may ask?" he arches an eyebrow, urging you to keep talking.

"I - uh - I have plans," you say quickly and try and look determined although you can feel your entire face heating up. "...a date of sorts."

The dead-panned look on Sam's face is quickly wiped off, instead replaced with an annoyingly broad smirk. "You have a what now?" he chuckles teasingly.

"You heard me," you roll your eyes.

"Oh I heard you loud and clear," he hoots, "you are going on a date!" he says, emphasising the last word with a wriggle of his eyebrows.

"Don't be a dick about it."

"My, oh my. We're finally gonna see what kind of man that can sweep the rug from underneath you."

"Okay, I'm leaving," you make a move to stand up, but Sam interrupts you by putting his palm to your shin.

"Come on, I'm just teasing," he laughs, "tell me about your date. Who's it with? - Not Bucky, I assume."

"Why would I go on a date with Buck?" you shrug nonchalantly although you can once again feel the heat radiating through your every feature. "It's the cute blonde from the coffee house down the street."

"Oooh, the guy who looks like a young Brad Pitt but with humour?"

"That's the one," you press down on your lips and avoid looking directly at Sam. God, this is embarrassing.

"He's a cutie!" Sam teases with a chuckle.

"I know," you play with a loose thread on your shirt, avoiding his eye.

"Then why aren't you more excited about it?" He asks but immediately emits a groan, "Jesus... do not tell me it's because of Bucky?!"

"I'm worried about him," you whine and bury your face in the sofa cushions.

Sam rolls his eyes. "You're going on your first date in forever and you're worried about that sourpuss?"

"Sam, you didn't see the look on his face when I told him about it! He hates the guy - I think it really upset him."

"Of course it upset him," Sam scoffs, "It's like taking candy away from someone who really wants to fuck said candy!"

Your eyes snap over to Sam in an instance. Completely taken off guard, your voice dies in your throat. Did he just...? No, surely, you must've misheard.

"Come on, don't pretend you haven't noticed," Sam groans, "I swear to god, he's two days away from crawling behind you just so he can lick the ground you're walking on!"

The earth has stopped spinning. "W-what?"

"The puppy eyes? The 'pick me' behaviour?" he rolls his eyes at your shocked face.

Your heart starts pounding so fast you can barely keep up. "Are we talking about... Bucky? As in our Bucky?"

"Uh, huh," Sam nods as if it's the most obvious thing on the planet. "That guy's practically begging you to take him by the hand and lead him to your bed. He's so in love with you, it's disgusting to look at."

"He's what?!" You exclaim loudly, completely out of breath. This is definitely news to you! "No, no, no! Bucky's not in love with me, we're friends," you pant with the blood rushing past your ears.

Sam shoots you an unimpressed side-eye, "yeah keep telling yourself that"

"What do you mean?" you pant, trying to puzzle together Sam's suspicion with your disbelief.

"I swear to god, the two of you don't even have a single brain cell put together..." he rolls his eyes, "I've seen that boy almost snap his neck because you were laughing and he wanted to know what you were laughing at. Trust me when I say that he's not annoyed that you're going on that date - he's jealous."

Well... fuck!

...

You don't think you've ever been this nervous as you pace the hallway outside Bucky's bedroom. You've been here ten minutes now, desperately trying to force yourself to actually make contact with him, but you're holding yourself back. There's so much on the line and what if Sam's incorrect? Then, you will truly have mucked up and everything between you and Bucky will be ruined.

Shit!

You stop pacing. You can hear his favourite album from the forties playing on the other side of the wall but apart from that, there hasn't been a single sound from in there.

You pray he's in a better mood than when you walked in on him angrily hunched over his bowl of cereal this morning, but the fact that he put on the only type of music that can calm him down, doesn't really scream 'put-together'.

It makes you even more nervous though you know you have to talk to him at some point. It's not as if you can avoid him forever - so before you can truly think about the upside of postponing the inevitable conversation, you raise your knuckles and carefully knock on his door.

Everything inside you tenses up. You vision becomes blurry, and you seem to automatically focus all your attention on the sounds coming from inside his room. There's a short shuffle, a sigh and then an irritated "what?!" muttered from somewhere behind the walls.

This is bound to go wrong.

You consider running away and pretend you've never even been near his room, but it's too late to back out now. You have to talk to him at some point, you remind yourself.

With your nerves running wild and the blood pumping through your every vein, artery, and fibre, you open the door a little and poke your head inside his room with a small "hi," your throat so dry it comes out as a hoarse whisper.

He's sitting on the bed with his long legs crossed at the ankles, his hand buried inside a book that's lying closed in his lap. He looks angry at everything and everyone - as if he's minutes away from strangling someone - but when he finds your eyes from across the room, the tense muscles in his cheeks seem to unclench a little.

"Oh, hey," he breathes and runs a hand through his hair in embarrassment, licking his lips. "I thought you were Sam..."

You smile, so relieved to see him softening that you automatically step inside his room without waiting for him to ask you to. "Sorry to disappoint."

"You're not," he shakes his head with a small gulp, "I thought you'd left already. Don't you have that big date?" he asks in a weird voice and sends you a stiff smile.

"Not until seven," you shrug and sit down next to him on his bed, immediately noticing how he's started avoiding your gaze.

"Right," he nods and occupies himself by putting his book on his bedside table. "So - uh - still looking forward to it?"

How do you tell your best friend that no, you're not looking forward to it because he's the one you really want to go out with?

"I don't know," you shrug, suddenly so anxious your temples have started pounding, "not really."

He finally looks up at you again, his slate blue eyes jittery as they meticulously search your face. "What happened?" He asks with tightly knitted eyebrows, "you were so excited for it yesterday."

You hesitate. "...Honestly?"

"Yeah, honestly," he sits up a little straighter, a serious look on his face, "- he didn't upset you, did he?" He says on impulse, his voice suddenly dark and dripping with venom at the mere thought as he reaches out for you and puts his fingers on your arm.

"No Buck," you shake your head and take a deep breath to get your pulse under control. "He didn't upset me."

"Then what?" He squeezes your arm softly, his eyes concerned as he tries to read you, "you can tell me anything."

"I know... It's just that..." you hesitate and consider ending your sentence with I'm in love with you, but the words die in your throat.

"What sweetheart?" he shuffles a little closer to you.

"Bucky," you heave a big breath of air to prepare your bold question that can potentially change everything between you dependant on his answer. "Do you not want me to go on that date?"

"What?" his eyes immediate travel over your face and you can almost hear his pulse running haywire as his fingers let go of your arm. "What makes you think that?"

"It's just..." your breathing picks up as you scan his every anxious feature. It makes you anxious too. "- you started acting weird the minute I told you about it. You've been avoiding me all day."

His fingers find your arm again, his grip a little tighter than before as he desperately looks at you. "No, no, no, sweetheart! That's not what happened," he licks his lips and plasters on the fake smile he's been practising in the mirror all day. "- I mean... I'm not the biggest fan of the guy but who you're dating is really none of my concern. I'm sure he's great, and as long as he treats you well, I'll make sure he stays on my good side," he says softy and sends you a smile that seems a little too genuine for your liking.

You hesitate again as you check his face for cracks, but his smile stays intact and happy. "...So you're really okay with it?" you ask in a small voice, mortified.

"Are you kidding me? Sweetheart, of course I'm okay with it!" he slides his fingers down your arm, capturing your hand inside his fist. "I really just want you to be happy. That's what's important. And you deserve to be taken care of for once instead of being stuck here with me and Sam." He reassuringly squeezes your fingers tight, but it just feels as if he's in the process of letting you go.

Slowly, you can feel your heart breaking.

You knew it... You knew Sam was wrong. Bucky isn't in love with you. Never has been. Never will be. Things are exactly the way they've always been and you're left pining after a man who doesn't want you back.

God, you feel like a idiot for getting your hopes up like that.

"Good," you nod resolutely, fighting hard to not let the heartbreak slip through your well-feigned mask. "I'm happy to hear you feel that way."

"Of course I do," he smiles solemnly.

"I should probably go get ready then..."

"Yeah," Bucky nods and lets go of you. "It's almost six."

With a sigh you hope he doesn't hear, you stand up from his bed and brush down the front of your jeans, not really sure you even want to leave his room.

He's looking up at you like a deer caught in headlights. "Have fun," he says while his hands grab the sheets underneath him, fisting the fabric. "- can't wait to hear all about it."

"Thanks, Buck," you feign a smile to match his, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you, sweetheart..."

You turn around with a wave of your hand, but the smile on your face falters the minute you've turned on your heel.

You can hear his heavy breathing over the music playing in the corner, and when you reach out for the door handle, a delicate sound finally breaks the reticence between you.

"Don't go..."

At first, you're not sure if you're imagining it, but then you hear him shuffling behind you, and when you turn around and face him, he's on his feet. "Don't go on that date," he whimpers in defeat, "I'm begging you. Please... don't go."

"Bucky..."

"I'm in love with you," he says guiltily with a gulp.

Your heart stops.

"- and I can't pretend I'm okay with you going on dates when I'm not."

You're completely speechless. You want to comment on everything. Run to him and proclaim that you're his. That you've always been his. But you're nailed to the spot and all that manages to escape your lips is a tight whimper.

"- I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now..." he closes his eyes and looks as if he's in pain. "And I know I'm risking everything by telling you this," he gulps, "but I've been keeping it in for so fucking long, trying to protect our friendship. I just can't keep pretending I don't want... more. It's stupid, I know."

"Bucky, it's not stupid," you finally manage to croak and it's as if the force that've been gluing you to the spot finally lets go. "It's not," you whisper as you take a few long strides over to him, stopping right before your chests touch. "It's not stupid," you repeat and reach a hand upwards, caressing his bearded chin.

His eyes are glistening, and his breathing is coming in ragged as he searches your face. "Sweetheart," he gulps in confusion, "I don't... - what does this mean?"

"It means -" your hand reaches up so it can rake through his hair, coming to a halt on the back of his neck where you can feel the goosebumps travel through his entire body. "- that I'm in love with you too. Have been for quite some time. Since I met you, actually."

Now it's his turn to be glued to the spot.

His mouth falls a little open and you can tell by the look on his face that he's in the process of questioning everything, so you underline your confession by putting your forehead to his. "I want to be yours," you whisper and observe him closely.

At first, he tenses even harder, but then a small smile starts tugging on his lips as he finally relaxes in your arms and pulls you closer. "I want you to be mine, too," he declares sweetly as his heart blossoms in his chest. He reaches down and kisses your cheeks, your nose, your forehead.

"It's you," he whispers against your skin, "- It's always been you."

"Kiss me," you beam and almost cannot stop smiling silly when you reach up for his mouth, finally claiming the softest, most pillowy lips you've ever had the pleasure of kissing.

[newkatzkafe2023]

I am curious about how our beloved monkeys react to the reader wearing a peach dress

Wink Wink 😉

Ohhhhhhhhh💋💋💋 We're looking sweet😋😏 and they're looking hungry 🤤🍽

(Lmk Wukong) He was shocked and blushing as you showed him the dress you got from the mall. You had asked him what he thought of the dress as you did a little spin to show him, you looked like the tastiest peach he ever seen. Looking nice and Juicy and plump, he was actively got up and showered you with Compliments as he licked his lips at you.

(NR Wukong) He was drooling excessively, with a nosebleed as he looked at your plump body, you looked so beautiful, so adorable and so sexy. You bought the dress on clearance and tried it on after finding that it fits, then later you showed him the dress and well his brain had crashed and he was blushing and drooling. He was smiling at you and decided to compliment and seduce you as he leads you to the bedroom to get a better look at it��

(MKR Wukong) The second he had saw you were that dress, is the second he looked like he had a brain bleed. His face was red, he was clutching his chest and trying to control his breathing. You were so hot and adorable like seriously, what business do you have being that hot and adorable looking?!?!? and you looked like a ripe tasty peach just waiting to be plucked of a tree branch. That dress better be for his eyes only because Wukong is gonna get a bite out of you one way or another🤤

(HIB Wukong) HIPS!🥵 THIGHS!🥵 HIPS!🥵THIGHS!🥵 HIPS!🥵 THIGHS!🥵 this man is buffering like he's was acting up the second you showed him wearing that dress. He was mostly looking at those juicy plump birthing hip of your and the dress you wore put way to much Emphasis on them, especially if you were feeling brave wiggled them. As you did that and model the dress he was trying to estimate how much cubs he's gonna knock you up with while wearing that dress🥵🥵😳😳

(Netflix Wukong) He Actively grabbed his jewels in despair. Everything on his person was throbbing and red as his face was. God, he felt he was a teenage boy again looking at that pink peach dress on your already dangerously sexy body. God damned it, why do you keep doing this to him, do you like torturing him or something using that rocking thick and hot body against him, teasing him knowing that he can reach you, but he does love the dress, and he would love it even more with it on the floor. It was a matter of time before he lost his non Existent control and the next thing you knew your legs were held up with his face in between them and he had you moaning and screaming while he got his fill of your peach juice.🤤🥵

(BMW Wukong).....................😵😵😵😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 You did it you had finally killed him, so many had tried and he mentally died at the claws of his ridiculously hot wife. The second Wukong saw you in that dress he to use all of his Discipline not to go into an early mating season state of mind and jump your bones. You dare to wear that dress like a big tasty peach as you would dangle yourself infront of him knowing that he was starving. Ohhhhhhhhhh he was not gonna take this lying down with his boner. He's gonna wine and dine you into his bed and never let you go.

(Destined one)......you are but a tall, thick bottle of peach juice, and he is so very thirsty🥵, of course, the Destined one at first felt ashamed for his x-rated thoughts and feelings. Then here you are innocently asking what he thinks of the dress with your own light blush, especially with how revealing the dress was. He had never felt this way before and he's probably gonna beat his own ass later for this, but right now he wants you bad, he wants to take you, squeeze you, taste you and rock the little world you live on.

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG 🍑

[221bshrlocked]

fatal dis|at|traction

Pairing: Hunter x AFAB!Reader

Words: 9774

Warnings: Unrequited feelings (in more ways than one). Touch-starved characters. Lots of sweet/dirty talk. Hunter likes to tease a lot. Oral Sex (female receiving). Fingering. Squirting. Just a bit of a knife kink (it's not everyone's cup of tea so it's a very short scene). Pentrative, Unprotected Sex (wrap it up folks). Creampie. Cuddling.

Summary: You have feelings for Tech who is now taken. Hunter notices your little predicament and decides to offer you a solution, one that you take enthusiastically. Little do you know that this could be the start of something new.

A/N: It's been a minute but I'm very thankful for the Life Day Gift Exchange by @cloneficgiftexchange because I finally managed to write something. This is for @intricatechaosofyou who gave a prompt after my own heart. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it. Coincidentally, this also fits into one of the @clonexreaderbingo prompts I got which I am embarrsingly behind on.

With every little chuckle you heard from Phee, your heart beat in jealousy at not being Tech’s center of attention. You thought it wouldn’t be an issue in the beginning, assuming that Tech would remain uninterested in Phee’s flirtatious advances. But the more she hung out with the team, the more he warmed up to her subtle compliments and faint touches. Before you knew what was happening, he was hanging out with her whenever you and the batch had time off from the crazy missions Sid continued to send you on. 

Then she took you to Pabu and things really spiraled. Their time together increased each day and you barely got to see him. You couldn’t blame him really, or Phee. You just wished you had more time or perhaps been a bit more brave about your feelings towards him.

Another random laugh fills the afternoon air, this time from Tech, and you can’t help but stop what you’re doing and look at the two of them enjoying the preparation for Life Day. You look with longing at the man who managed to captivate your heart with a simple, random fact, and you sigh heavily at knowing that you’ll never really have a chance with him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hunter breaks your sad train of thought, and you turn around to look at him, silently praying that he didn’t just notice you staring at his brother. You pack the decoration boxes and look down to the ground, pretending you don’t understand what he’s talking about. 

“What?” You ask once, and when Hunter doesn’t respond right away, you glance at him quickly to try and gauge his reaction, hoping that you can fool him by acting as clueless as possible about his question. He stares at you silently, uncrossing his arms and heading towards you to help you out with the rest of the boxes.

“I- I’m not sure what you’re referring to, Sarge.” You say in passing as you make your way to the storehouse, already thinking of some lie to respond with in case he dragged this out. When you set down all the empty containers, you shut the door behind the two of you and head towards the center of the town. 

“Don’t do that…not with me.” Hunter breaks the silence after a while, stopping you in your tracks and waiting until you acknowledge him. You ring your fingers nervously, gulping down the nervousness that built up in your throat before facing him. There’s another fake reply at the tip of your tongue but before you can say anything, Hunter beats you to it, stopping you from embarrassing yourself any further. 

“Come on, you can’t lie to me.” He furrows his eyebrows, looking at the couple standing not too far from you before centering his attention back on you again.

“I’m not lying.” You’re more defensive than you’d like and Hunter sighs in irritation, shaking his head and taking those last few steps towards you. The last thing he wants to do is embarrass you but he knows this conversation won’t go anywhere unless you willingly open up to him. 

“Then why is your heart racing? I can practically feel you shaking. You’re not even looking at me.” Your palms grow sweaty the more he reveals those little details about you. 

“Talk to me.” You never thought you’d hear him plead for anything and when you finally look at him, you see a genuine, heartfelt expression on his face, one that makes you feel even more horrible about the predicament you found yourself in. 

“It’s not important, don’t- just don’t worry about it.” You wave your hand around and turn around to walk away from him, only to feel a strong hold wrap around your wrist and stop you from going anywhere else. 

“Tech is a genius, but he can be incredibly dense at times.” Hunter waits until you meet his eyes again before he whispers that last sentiment. The shock of the exclamation sends your heart racing, and your eyes widen in horror at the prospect of everyone else potentially knowing your feelings for Tech. 

“Wha- how…how did you know?”

“I know mesh’la, I know.” He loosens his grip a little, but doesn’t let you go completely, not wanting you to run away from him. The two of you stand in quietness for too long to your liking, and you give up on trying to pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about. 

You give up on trying to make it seem like you’re okay. 

“Is it that obvious?” The chuckle is self-deprecating, and you avoid looking into his hazel gray eyes, afraid you’d cry if he continues to give you that horribly sentimental expression. 

“Not to the others, although Echo guessed just as much a while back. But no, the others don’t know.” Hunter lets go of you then, but he doesn’t move away from you, wanting you to know that he’s here to help in whatever you’ll allow him to. 

“How did you find out?” You move away from the crowd slowly forming around the town square, wanting to have some privacy from prying eyes, from Wrecker and Omega. 

“I notice the way your eyes light up whenever he walks in the room, or goes on one of those rants about kriff knows what.” Anyone else would have laughed at you, but you feel at peace knowing that Hunter would never tease you about something like this. He was too kind to joke about such an intimate little secret. 

“Hmm.”

“And your heart beats like you’ve just run across the whole of Coruscant.” Hunter adds as he comes to a halt in front of the house you reserved for yourself when you first got to Pabu. 

“Ahh, that is extremely embarrassing.” You turn away from him as you respond, not wanting to be at the receiving end of whatever comment he was going to throw your way.

“It’s not…it’s natural to react that way when you have feelings towards someone.” You’re a little surprised by his explanation, mostly because you never thought he’d be the type to speak so sweetly about something as awkward as emotions. 

“Right.” You can’t help but smile when you see him shrug at you, and as you’re about to unlock your door, Hunter turns around and grabs the knob, preventing you from reaching for it, let alone turn around and get away from him. 

“You know what you need?” He asks, and you shiver at the sudden drop in his voice, wondering why he was suddenly becoming so friendly with you. 

“Please enlighten me, because this whole conversation hasn’t been humiliating enough as is.” You laugh in an attempt to diffuse the tension slowly building in between the two of you, but Hunter doesn’t crack a single smile, roaming his eyes down your neck and taking in a deep breath before meeting your gaze once more. 

“You need to get your mind off of him, just for a little while. Find a distraction…sometimes you have to stay busy so you don’t feel.” You’re too distracted by the proximity between his body and your own to dwell on the true meaning behind his words. 

“Yeah well, good thing we’re staying here. Helping rebuild the city will definitely take my mind off of him and…ugh, I guess make me focus less on seeing the two of them together.” Looking past him to the slowly busying town square, you completely miss the way he bites his lower lip as he studies you closely and shakes his head at your response. 

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh yeah, what do you mean th-” Turning your focus back to him, the words die in your throat when you finally notice the way he’s looking at you. You part your lips in a gasp, finding it difficult to breathe as Hunter leans into your space and groans his intentions against your jaw. 

“I mean…you need to get your mind off of him, and onto something else…perhaps someone else.” Your body freezes at the unexpected intimacy of the moment, and although you know you should push him away and tell him to forget whatever was happening, you tell yourself that this might just be what you need to forget about Tech. 

“I s-see.” Hunter’s hand reaches for your waist, holding you against him until he’s sure you’re accepting his advances. He smiles at you, his eyes twinkling with mischief that sends a zap of lightning down your spine. 

It was a warm day in Pabu, but having Hunter flush against your chest makes you even more heated, and you gulp down whatever nervousness was threatening to make itself known in the form of a rejection, allowing your fingers to dance along his forearm before you grab onto his shoulders for support. 

“W-what do you have in mind?” He gets even more bold then, wrapping his arm around your back and pulling you in until you nearly bump your forehead against his nose. 

“I think you know.” His voice is gravely, and it occurs to you then that he may have always had this deep baritone, but you just never truly appreciated it until now. 

“Humor me, Sarge.” You smirk right back at him, eyes dancing from his lips to his piercing gaze in preparation for what he’s about to say. 

“Well, you’ll first need to find someone willing to help you out, someone who knows all about distractions. Then, you take them somewhere private and…how should I put this, kindly ask them to fuck your brains out…take the edge off a little…and if you start thinking of him again, you get on your knees and have them dick you down real hard…till you can’t think straight.” His lips graze across the skin of your cheek, down to your neck, as he promises you the filthiest sentiments, and if you weren’t sure you knew the man standing in front of you was far beyond the average man, you would have asked him how he had you melting into his arms in such a small period of time. 

“Maker,” you nearly reach up to kiss him but then quickly remember that anyone can see you. Before you can push him away, Hunter nudges you harshly to get your attention again, not wanting you to get distracted by your surroundings or if anyone might hear what the two of you have in mind. 

“Hmm, I think your body agrees with me sweetheart. Why don’t you have that tired brain of yours catch up?” He nods at your head, tilting his head to the side as if he was asking you a silent question. 

“Do you…do you know someone that can do all of what you just said?” 

“You’re right in luck baby, I happen to be free for the next couple of hours.” Hunter responds right away, knowing that it would be extremely difficult to have you like this again. 

“Ahhh, t-that saves me from looking then.” You smile when he rests against you and nudges your nose with his own, aquiline one. 

“So, what do you want?” Again, his voice is smoother than honey, sending you spiraling in a matter of seconds out of anticipation. 

“I thought you…don’t be cruel, please.” You kiss the corner of his mouth, feeling the rough stubble across his sharp cheeks burn you in the sweetest way. Hunter turns his head far enough to finally tough his lips with your own, the kiss ending far too quickly to your liking but leaves you begging for more. 

“Never…never. I mean, how do you want it mesh’la? You want it slow, soft, sensual…” He slithers his hands across your body, leaving a trail of fire across your skin with each sweet touch he graces you with. 

“Or do you like it hard and fast…till you can’t scream anymore?” He digs his nails into your curves then grabbing and squeezing your ass until you nearly fall against him.

“Oh fuck…I- Hunter, please.”

“You’re a big girl, use your words and tell me what you want!” Hunter combs his hand into your hair, tugging on it harshly until you throw your head back and give him access to your neck. He descends down on you like a madman, nipping and sucking on the soft expanse of your skin until you’re panting in his embrace. 

“You want me to be sweet with you…or do you want to feel me with every step you take tomorrow?” He licks the bitemarks he’s left behind, chuckling to himself when he feels you shaking in his arms and practically begging him to fuck you right out in the open. 

“Please Hunter, be- be rough with me. As rough as you want.” You reach for the collar of his shirt, fisting it in your hands as if you were holding on for dear life. You should have known that as everything else, Hunter would easily take you down without breaking a sweat. 

“A girl after my own heart.” He chuckles then, the sweet sound shooting straight into your chest and making you wish he just pushed the door behind you open and took you somewhere more private. 

“I’ll take my time with you next time baby, worship every fucking inch of your body as you deserve. But tonight…tonight I’m going to teach you how to take me…please me…open up for me and take my cum like the good girl I know you are.” He kisses across your damp skin in between words, finding it difficult to continue holding back when he could practically smell your arousal the more he whispers into your ears. 

“I’m going to fuck you into the next galaxy sweetheart, till the only name your pretty little brain can remember is mine and mine alone.” Your heart beats so fast Hunter thinks you might pass out, but as you melt into his arms and pull him closer to you, he knows that you’re enjoying this as much as he was. 

“And believe me when I tell you, I’ll know if you’re thinking of him. So be a pretty little sweetheart and focus on me.” He moves away to take a better look at you, raising a curious eyebrow when he finds you completely lost in every touch and every sweet word he was gifting you with. 

“Yes,” you barely manage to breathe out, waiting for whatever he still has in stock for you. 

“Yes?” Hunter asks, his expression turning more serious when you open your eyes and look right into his own. There’s something so erotic about how much he can sense every little reaction you have to his advances, but he sets his thoughts aside long enough to hear you openly consent to him. 

“Yes, sergeant.” Those two words are music to his ears, and he steps away instantly, but not before making sure you can still stand on your own two feet. You snap out of your haze when you no longer feel the heat of his body against yours. 

“Good girl.” He grabs your hand and leads you away from your home, down the tiled pathway towards the quieter side of the island. 

“Where…where are you taking me?”

“Some place where you can scream my name without worrying about anyone hearing you.” He nearly stops in his tracks when he hears you moan in response to his words, but he knows that if he looks back now, he might never make it to his own place. If anything, the reaction he gets out of you makes him walk quicker, not caring for how you stumble several times as he continues towards the smaller, but more private homes at the bottom of the island. 

You can’t look away from him, and as you follow him blindly, you find yourself surprised at not wishing he was someone else. Maybe because you’ve always found him objectively handsome, all the clones were if you were being honest, or perhaps because you’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with someone like Hunter, someone who you knew would be so attuned to every sound and every muscle twitch you’d have that he’d know instantly how to please you. But the longer you dwell on it, the more you realize that you’re lucky to have someone like him pay you this much attention, or even be willing to give you this favor. 

Little did you know that while you were longing for Tech, Hunter was struggling to keep his own feelings at bay. He didn’t want to take advantage of you, far from it, but he figured that maybe, just maybe, if he showed you how much he cares for you, you’d look at him instead of his brother. 

He can feel your eyes on him, and his heart skips a beat at the prospect of finally having your attention. Hunter wants to ask you if you’re sure about this, but as he approaches his residence, he finds himself less willing to break the two of you out of whatever cloud you’ve fallen under, afraid that you’d change your mind and leave. 

The thought nearly breaks his heart, but as he slows down and unlocks his door, he feels your hands shaking even harder, and he knows then that he needs to give you an out because you may not be able to take it yourself. 

“Sweet girl, you’re trembling.” He turns around and cups your neck, forcing you to look into his eyes so you’re sure he doesn’t mind if you walk away from him. 

“If you’ve changed your mind…if- if you don’t want this anymore, we can stop. It’s- it’s okay.” The words sound less convincing to his ears, but he braces himself for the rejection he’s sure you’re about to give him. 

“No, Hunter please.” Your instant response sends a wave of relief and reluctance through his chest, and his eyes widen for a fraction of a second before they soften again, knowing that if you noticed his expression, you might push through just to not upset him. 

“I won’t have you against your will baby.” He leans over and kisses the small space in between your eyebrows, waiting until you relax against him before he pulls away and meets your gaze again. 

“I want this, Hunter. I- I want you. I’d be lying to myself if I said otherwise.” You tug at his forearms, wanting him to not shy away from you, perhaps even afraid that he’d change his mind and tell you to leave. Your nerves slowly rise again and Hunter must sense your spiraling thoughts because he pulls you into the small space and shuts the door behind you, pushing you against the wall and stepping impossibly close to you so you can only feel him. 

“Tell me what you need. Right this moment.” 

“Can you just...hold me for a minute? I- I need to feel your arms around me.” You barely manage to breathe out the request, not because you think he’ll laugh at it but because you find yourself having a difficult time thinking of a single coherent thought. 

“Sure thing ad’ika, come here.” Hunter slowly walks back to the small bed at the edge of the wall, sitting down on the soft surface of the covers before pulling you into his lap. You follow him quietly, finding it oddly soothing to have him in control of your actions rather than your own mind. You throw your arms around him and rest your head on his chest, willing yourself to relax as soon as you feel his hands roam across your back soothingly. 

“I want you to focus on my heartbeat.” You do as he says, moving your head down a little further so you can listen to his heart. If you’re shocked by how much faster it is, you say nothing and dwell on the fact that he may be just as nervous as you are. 

“Take deep breaths,” Hunter slides one hand underneath your shirt to test the waters, shutting his eyes and smiling to himself when your muscles relax deeper into him. 

“Nothing else matters, little one. Only you, and me…right here and now.” He reminds you one last time, massaging your back and turning his head every once in a while to kiss you. Hunter shuts his eyes to commit this moment to memory, unsure of whether he’ll ever get to have you like this again or not. He says nothing after, wanting to ensure that you have all the time you need before the two of you do anything. 

You’re not sure how long you spend in his arms but when you no longer feel nervous at being in his presence, you pull away and rest your hands on his chest, willing yourself to be brave enough to look into his eyes after experiencing such an intimate moment with him. 

“Feeling better?” He reaches for your chin and moves it up softly to take a better look at you. As soon as he looks into your eyes, he smiles at you, waiting until you return the expression before doing anything else. 

“Hmm.”

“Then why don’t you lay back for me.” He moves you off of him and studies you closely as you maneuver yourself around his bed. You’re less shy than before, that he’s sure of, but you do as he says more confidently, something that doesn’t go unnoticed by Hunter, and makes him imagine all that he can do to you. 

“You know, I- I always thought you had a soothing voice,” you break the silence reluctantly, biting your lower lip when you notice Hunter smirking at the unexpected sentiment. 

“Yeah?” He questions as he kneels on the bed and slowly crawls towards you. 

“Yes, but now…now I’m realizing it’s your presence.” You waver in your response, finding it difficult to think of anything when he’s looking at you like you’re his prey. 

“Tell me more.” Hunter demands, dancing his fingers across whatever skin he has access to and watching as goosebumps erupt across your body at the simple touches. 

“It’s in your touch, your- kriff, your movements…your gaze.” You arch your back when Hunter digs his nose at the space just above the edge of your pants and takes a long whiff of your scent. You think that if anyone else has done something so strange, you’d be turned off by it, but this was Hunter, and scenting was important to him, especially since he must have been getting awfully close to you because he liked what he could smell. 

“Glad to be of service,” he comments in passing, nudging your shirt up to get more access to the skin of your stomach. He kisses your navel, breathing you in with each new bit of flesh he came across. 

“Gods above,” you can’t take it anymore, reaching for his shoulder and trying to pull him closer to you so he could speed things up a bit. 

“No sweetheart, it’s only me.” He chuckles at the whine you send his way, looking up at you as he parts your thighs and makes space for himself in between. 

“You’re d-driving me insane Hunter.” Hunter doesn’t move an inch as you try to bring him closer. If anything, he slows down even more and takes both of your hands into his own, softly kissing the wrist of each one before bringing them above your head. 

“If you’re still coherent, then I’m not driving you insane enough.” He’s teasing you, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think he was pushing you to a point where you could do nothing but beg for him. So distracted with the patterns he’s drawing across your arms, you don’t realize where the other hand is reaching until you feel his grip tighten around your throat. 

“Ahh, please.” You arch your back, grabbing the sheets beneath you in an attempt to keep your hands where he asked you to. You want nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and surrender to his lips, but you knew better than to disobey his orders. Hunter was a strict man in the field, and you were positive he wasn’t any different in this context. If anything, he was probably even more severe now. At least you hoped he would be. 

“And remember baby, it’s ‘Sergeant’ for you. Got it?”

“Yes, sergeant.”

“Now, do me a favor and keep your hands there.” He taps twice on them, waiting until you nod in agreement before he sits back up and takes your wrecked form. He hoped you’d open up for him easily, but he never thought you’d be so needy, let alone greedy for him. 

“But how will you take my clothes off?” You pout at him, the expression making Hunter wish he could flip you over and fuck you into oblivion. But he knew you needed him to be soft tonight, even if you were adamant in making him get a little rough with you. 

“Let’s not spoil the fun.” He warns with a pinch to your hip, chuckling at the way you jump and your thighs unintentionally close around him. 

“A bit sensitive, aren’t we?” He rests one hand near your head as he leans down and kisses the corner of your mouth, waiting for you to breathe before touching your lips with his own. It’s a chaste kiss, yet it sends your heart leaping through the roof because of how unexpectedly tender it is. 

“I…haven’t done this in a while.” You whisper against his mouth, chasing him along when he begins to pull away again. 

“Shame,” it’s such a simple comment, and yet you feel a string of butterflies in your stomach at the implication behind it. The fact that you held Hunter’s focus when so many on the island were begging for it makes you wish he could have approached you sooner. 

“Hmmph,” the sound of your moan reaches your ear instantly, and you try to hide from Hunter out of embarrassment, but he doesn’t let you, moving down your body slowly and continuing to drive you mad with need for him. 

“Go on baby, moan for me.”

“What if s-someone hears?”

“Everyone’s in town for the celebrations,” he reaches down and unbutton your pants, looking straight into your eyes as he pulls the fabric down your legs and throws it behind him. You try to close your legs quickly, afraid he could smell how wet you are. But Hunter is much faster than you, and he prevents you from moving another muscle, looking down once at the dark patch on your panties before meeting your eyes again, silently letting you know that he could smell you long before this very moment. 

“No one’ll hear you, mesh’la. So beg all you want, you’re mine tonight.” He slips one finger beneath the edge of your panties, thumbing at the skin of your hips to get you to calm down a little before he does anything else. 

“Only tonight?” You don’t mean to ask this question, not now at least, but you figured you may as well see if this was a one-time thing or not. 

“Oh I don’t get to decide that, you do.” He surprises you with his answer, and the shock must be visible on your face because Hunter tilts his head to the side and stares at you until you realize you really were in control of what goes on between the two of you. 

“So if I- oh kriff, if I want you to fuck me every night…”

“Then ask me nicely.” He slips one hand underneath your shirt, raising it above your stomach to your chest and laying it across your sternum to feel your heartbeat. When you don’t respond right away, he slides his hand a little further and draws random patterns just below your breast. 

“Better yet, beg me sweetly…and I’ll give you my cock whenever you like.” He promises as he continues to edge you into submission, something that makes you wish you could yell at him about and thank him for. 

“T-thank you, sarge.” Your breathing becomes erratic the longer he touches you anywhere but where you want him, and just as you begin to give up hope, he removes his hands completely from your form and reaches behind him. 

“Do you trust me cyar’ika?” The question is asked with hesitance, and you’re not sure why he’s asking you this all of a sudden, but when you hear the sound of a clasp coming undone, you know why he’s being so serious. 

“You know I do.” It’s the first thing you said since he dragged you behind him where you aren’t practically shaking beneath him, and once he’s completely satisfied with your response, he pulls out the blade from its holster and flips it around. You’re enamored by the swift movement of the weapon as it dances in between his fingers, and the faster Hunter plays with the knife, the more difficult you find it to breathe. 

“Then look at me.” He demands as he stops swinging the knife around, and you obey him instantly, gulping excitedly as he leans over your body once again and places the sharp end of the knife at the top of your shirt, inches below your neck.  

“Don’t,” Hunter warns slowly, nicking small holes into your shirt until the article of clothing rips down the middle, “move,” his voice is somehow even more gravely than before, and you stop breathing altogether, not because you think he’ll hurt you but because you can’t help but feel turned on by how focused he is on you and how safe you feel with something so dangerous, “a muscle.” He continues to ruin your shirt and you can’t find it in yourself to care one bit, knowing that being at Hunter’s mercy was worth far more than any shirt you could own. When he completely separates both sides of the fabric, he slips the wide edge of the knife beneath the fabric and pushes it to the side before grabbing the other with his fingers and displaying your nude skin to his hungry eyes. 

You let out a deep breath and refuse to look anywhere else but his dilated pupils, clenching your thighs tightly at knowing that you were the reason behind such a dramatic reaction from him. 

“I can smell you, little one. Does this turn you on?” He finally looks away from your heaving chest to your eyes, and when he finds you already staring at him, he smiles to himself and places the knife down gently on the small table near his bed. You’re disappointed that he clearly won’t be using it anymore, and Hunter notices the small expression because he trails his fingers down your front and pinches one nipple to get your attention. 

“Use your words and tell me.” You arch into his rough ministrations, whispering your response and moaning for more. 

“Y-yes, it does.”

“I knew you’d be fun.” He soothes the heated skin of your breast, drawing small circles around one nipple just as he leans down and takes the other in between his teeth. You whine his name over and over again, and Hunter growls his approval against you, lapping up the bitemarks he left around your hardened peak before sucking harshly on it again. 

“Fuck, I do love how sensitive you are.” He manages to say right before diving for the other nipple and tasting your natural scent along with the soap you use to shower. 

“And how hard your nipples perk at the touch of my fingers.” He thinks you’re about to move one hand so he reaches quickly for it, gripping it tightly and keeping it against the bed while he leaves angry marks across your chest. 

“Ahh maker, please sergeant.” Your moans are becoming louder, and Hunter decides then and there that if you were going to scream for him, it should be his name falling from your lips, not his rank. The only warning you get before he descends down your body is his hand slipping underneath your panties and instantly pushing two fingers into your cunt. You’re dripping for him, and his thick fingers rub against your tight walls with an embarrassing ease. 

“Kriff, I know I asked you to call me that, but forget it.” Hunter looks into your eyes as he lets go of your wrist and grabs the back of your neck, not bothering to say anything else as he lunges for your mouth and swallows your moans. You part your thighs and your lips for him, not caring for any rule he’s given you as you throw your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. He fingers you slowly, but as begin to clench tightly around him, Hunter can’t hold back anymore and he moves off of you with a wet smack before crawling down your body. You’re shocked by the sudden urgency of his movement, and as soon as you reach for his hair and tug on it, you feel his warm lips close around your clit and his tongue aggressively lap at the engorged bundle of nerves. 

“I want you to scream my name, mesh’la. Scream my name as you come on my tongue.” 

“Hu- ahhh g-gods!” You’re not aware of what you’re saying, and the harder Hunter thrusts his fingers into you, the quicker you feel your release coming along. 

“You smell…so sweet.” Hunter manages to breathe in between his assault on your pussy, and you let go of his hair to grab for the sheets beneath you, not wanting to hurt him by how hard you’d pull on his hair. 

“But you taste so much sweeter.” He feels his cock harden as the taste and scent of you fill his nostrils. Normally, he’d find it overwhelming to be surrounded by so many strong scents, but the more you gush for him, the more he wants to dive into you and make you soak him with your arousal. 

“Hunter, oh right there…please.” You reach for his hair again, but this time, you pull so hard that his red bandana comes off in your hand and reminds you to loosen your hold so as to not overwhelm him with too many sensations. 

“Sorry, I-” You try to apologize but the words trail off when Hunter looks up and shakes his head at you. 

“I don’t mind, sweet thing. Go on, pull as hard as you want.” He leans down and kisses the hand near his head, nipping at your thumb to let you know that he was feeling more than okay. 

“But won’t that-” You don’t want him to feel like he needs to do this for you, but Hunter distracts you again, rubbing at your clit with his thumb to get you to listen to him. 

“Please cyar’ika, let me feel you…everywhere.” Hunter begs you, pushing your thighs apart even more in an attempt to get you to do as he says. He doesn’t wait for a response then, descending down on you again with more passion than you thought him capable of in such a setting, and before you know it, he has you right at the edge with his expert hands and his enthusiastic mouth. You should have known that he’d know what you like quickly, but something about him being so attuned to your responses pushes you closer to your orgasm, and before you know it, you’re shutting your eyes and letting the flood of sensations overtake you. 

“Hmm fuck, that’s it.” You scratch at his scalp as you pull on his hair, the action driving Hunter nearly mad and making him grab at your stomach to keep you planted to his face. 

“Hunter…I- I’m co-” His harsh breathing and how hard he continues to lick at your clit is all you need to fall apart, and as soon as he coils his fingers inside you and rubs your tight walls, you come around him instantly, shaking violently beneath his firm body and screaming nonsense into the damp air of the room. It’s becoming nearly too much, and although you want him to stop, you can’t find it in yourself to push him away, a part of you sensing that he may need this as much as you. So you let him continue his assault on your cunt, and before you realize what’s about to happen, Hunter pulls away and watches as you soak his arms and his bed with your juices. He doesn't let up once, plunging his fingers into you so quickly that you manage to wet even his thighs. When he hears your heart beating impossibly rapidly against your chest, he slows down and removes his hand from you, pulling away and watching as your panties hide you from his eyes again. 

He waits until you look at him before he slowly sucks on each of his fingers, smirking to himself when you hide behind your arms and close your thighs immediately. 

“I changed my mind.” His voice is rough, and you’re not sure if it’s because he’s turned on or because he’s having a difficult time breathing just as you. Then the words settle in your remind and you move your hands away to take a better look at him. 

“W-what?” You don’t have time to grab him as he gets off the bed and reaches for his shirt, throwing it away as well before unzipping his pants and pulling them down his thighs and stepping out of them before kneeling on the bed again. 

“We can do rough later. Right now, I want to watch you come undone…slowly.” He grabs your ankles and pulls them apart, not caring for how blatant he’s being with his staring as he moves towards you again. 

“Fuck baby, you’re gushing for me.” His disbelief sends a shiver down your spine and you softly smack his thigh to get his attention away from your heated core. 

“Hunter, don’t- don’t say stuff like that.”

“And why shouldn’t I?” He narrows his eyes at you, daring you to say anything in disagreement. 

“It’s…embarrassing.” You manage to whisper out, only to have Hunter shamelessly wipe the wetness over your legs with his hand. 

“No, it’s fucking sexy mesh’la….and if I had known taking my shirt off would turn you on this much, I would have walked around naked since you came on board.” He reaches for your hand and you squeal suddenly when he tugs you harshly until you nearly smack his chest. Looking down at you, Hunter bites into his lower lips as he pulls the rest of your shirt away and throws it away, not bothering to push you back into bed when you rest your hands against his naked chest and feel his muscles flex and unflex. 

“Speaking of taking things off…” You try to grab your panties but Hunter stops you, shaking his head and bringing your hand back to his skin. 

“No, keep’em on.” 

“But-”

“These are mine now, and I want nothing more than to smell your cunt and my cum on them…when I take them.” Hunter nods down at the wet article of clothing as he swipes your hair away from your face and softly grazes your bruised lips. 

“Hmph, you’re a shy little thing aren’t you?” He wonders out loud when you turn away from and rest your forehead against his stomach, once again feeling a sense of pride wash over him at being the one to bring such a reaction out of you. 

“Do the honors.” He takes your hands and moves them down his rigid form, not missing the way your breath hitches when you feel the muscles on his stomach flutter at the soft touch of your palms. You don’t dare look up at him as you drag his boxers down his hips until his cock juts out from beneath the elastic. 

“Oh fuck me.” You stop what you’re doing as soon as you see the size of him, and Hunter uses your moment of distraction to his advantage, pushing you back into the bed and moving away to step out of his boxers before returning to you again. 

“Since you asked so nicely.” He remembers the biosheath and finds one in his drawer instantly, but before he can take it out, you take his wrist and bring it back to you. 

“Wait-” You stop him, unsure of what to say now that he was looking at you with such an unreadable expression. 

“You don’t have to- like I said, I haven’t done this in…in a while. And I’ve-” Your attempts to explain to him that you don’t have anything and that you wouldn’t mind it if he didn’t use a biosheath with you evaporate into thin air, and as you give up on trying to relay the message, Hunter shuts the drawer and lays on top of you. One look into his eyes gives you away and you turn from him to avoid whatever embarrassing words you’re sure he’s about to relay to you. 

“You want me to fill you with my seed, little one?” The question is asked in such a low voice that you nearly miss the playfulness in between. You refuse to acknowledge him, afraid of how much he’d drag this out if you told him outright that you wanted to feel him leak out of you. 

“You want me to fuck my cum deep inside your pretty little cunt?” He asks again, this time as he slips his hand in between your bodies and wraps his palm around his hard cock, lazily stroking his length while teasing your clothed clit with the tip of his dick. He goes on for too long, and when you can’t take it anymore, you moan in agreement, hoping that the outburst pushes him to finally, finally, fuck you. 

“O-ohh gods, please…please.” The way he cups himself and teases the both of you nearly sends you into overdrive, and just as you begin to give up hope, Hunter tugs aside your panties, and pushes his cock against your wet folds, giving you a taste of what’s to come. 

“Keep begging baby.”

“Please Hunter…I need you. I- I want you to come inside me, want to feel you all night long.” He was planning on making you cry for him, but the sound of your voice telling him everything he’s heard a thousand times in his dreams sends him reeling and before he can warn you, he pushes his cock into your slit, arms nearly giving out at finally feeling your cunt welcome him in. You arch your back as soon as you feel his thick, hard cock fill you, and although you should be embarrassed at how easily he slides into you, you don’t bother thinking about it, not when Hunter was finally giving you what you’ve been craving. 

“Kriffing hells, you feel so good mesh’la…so tight and hot for me.” He stops moving, the heat of your cunt making him nearly lose his mind and whatever bit of control left in him. 

“Hunter-” You don’t like the fact that he’s stopped pushing into you, but then he moves and you realize that maybe you needed a second to get used to him after all. 

“I know, love. I know, just a little bit more.” Hunter kisses your forehead, lips quivering at the thought of being too much for you to handle. He waits until you’re relaxed a little before he gives you more of his cock, and when you drag your nails across his arms and grab onto his shoulder, he stops again to soothe you. 

“You want to be a good girl for me, don’t you?” 

“Yes…oh maker yes.” Your voice breaks, making Hunter wish you weren’t so kriffing sensitive to him. 

“Then open up for me…take me.” He leaves a trail of wet kisses down your neck, licking and nipping at the taut skin in an attempt to distract you from whatever discomfort you were feeling. 

“Haa…ahh, you’re- so fucking hard.” Your words are unexpected, and Hunter fists his hands tightly into his pillows so he doesn’t do something he’d regret. He unintentionally thrusts the rest of his dick into your pussy, the action knocking the breath out of the both of you and sending a strike of pleasure down your spine.

“Only for you, sweetheart. O-only for you.” Hunter breathes against your chest, cursing at how much better you felt now than in his dreams. He could feel every inch of you squeeze him, and if it weren’t for the fact that you told him it’s been a while, Hunter would have begged to fuck you like he wanted. But it has been a while, and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt you. When you wince at the slightest of movements, Hunter pulls back and studies you, carefully listening to your heartbeat and looking over you to see if you were too uncomfortable to do this now. 

“Are you okay?” He should be the one asking you this question, not the other way around, and even though a million compliments run through his mind, he barely manages to respond to your question. 

“Fuck, I’m more than okay.” He hisses out as you clench around him, and before he can let you know that he’s not reacting out of pain but of indescribable pleasure, you reach for his hair and tug him down, begging for him to do anything besides remaining still. 

“Then move…” You cross your legs behind his back to tempt him into moving against you, but Hunter remains impossibly still, resting his forehead against yours as he tries to tell you why he’s having a difficult time moving. 

“N-not yet, just let me feel you. Let me…feel all of you.” He hopes it’s enough for you to stop asking him to move, but he should have known better. 

“Is- is it too much?” Your shyness makes itself known again, and Hunter swears beneath his breath because he genuinely didn’t mean to come off so strained in his response. 

“No, it’s- you’re perfect.” It’s both everything he’s feeling and barely an explanation of what he’s reserved for you for so long, but he can’t find any other word to describe what he’s experiencing with you now. You’re about to ask him to keep talking when he finally listens to you and pulls out a little before thrusting back in. 

“Oh.” The simple word riles him up more than he cares to admit, and he sets a slow and sensual pace to calm himself down and give you what you desire. The small room fills with sounds of your harsh breathing and Hunter’s controlled growls, and before you know it, he’s hitting every inch of you in a way that makes you see stars. Then you look at him, and you find his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes shut tightly, and you just know that it’s because he wants to do more with you. 

“Hunter,” you call for him, soothing his back with your hands to let him know that you weren’t going anywhere. 

“Hmm?” His eyes flutter open instantly and you wonder if their color was always so intense and dark, or if this was just a product of what the two of you were doing. 

“Don’t h-hold back.” You cup his neck and pray to the maker that he listens to you.

“I already told you cyare, I want you to fall apart for me…nice and slow.” He pronounces each word with a soft push of his hips against you, and you know then that this would definitely not be the last time you sleep with him. It couldn’t be. 

“But I-”

“I want to commit you to memory. The way your heart skips a beat when I kiss your shoulders,” he leans closer against you and leaves a trail of wet kisses across your sternum to your shoulder, biting it playfully when he notices you trying to move along with him. 

“The way you bite your lips when I pinch with your nipples,” you throw your head back in ecstasy as he pinches your nipple and rolls it in between his thumb and his index finger. 

“The way your eyes shut when I sink my teeth into your skin,” Hunter takes one last look at the pleasure etched on your expression before taking the other hardened peak into his mouth, rolling his tongue around your nipple before biting down harshly just below the reddened skin. 

“The way your cunt clenches around my cock when I pull your hair,” you wrap your arms around his back and pull him flush against you when you feel him comb his fingers into the hair at the nape of your neck and pull harshly on it, the action letting you know that Hunter was most certainly capable of being rough with you, but was choosing to get your body used to his soft touch first. 

“And- fuck…ah fuck, the way your tight walls invite me in deeper when I play with your clit.” He lets go of your hair and slides his hand down your body, squeezing your hips and scratching along your thighs to leave his mark. As soon as you open your eyes and look at him, he begins to draw small circles around your clit, all the while picking up his pace just a little to get you closer to your climax. 

“I want it all baby,” he begs for you, roaming his eyes across your body to get his fill of you before he brings the two of you to the edge. You’re so sensitive from before, but something about having Hunter pay close attention to you makes you welcome whatever he has to offer you. 

“I- I’m close.” You manage to whisper to him as he continues to play with your body, and you realize the mistake you did in your claim when you hear him laugh and pause in his ministrations. 

“Already?” He doesn’t expect you to answer, but you whine his name and roll your hips around to get any form of friction. Hunter is distracted by the movement, and he resumes his attention to your clit, grunting with need when you reach down and scratch his stomach to urge him on. 

“D-don’t tease.”

“Never…never.” He responds immediately, thrusting into you with shallow pushes, already feeling the knot in his stomach slowly unwind the more he feels your heat pull him in. 

“I can feel your fucking heartbeat, can feel it singing for me the harder I fuck you.” Hunter cries out in a mixture of pain and pleasure, sitting up and moving the hand on his stomach down to your clit to get you to touch yourself.

“Please Hunter,” as soon as you start teasing your clit, Hunter grabs both of your hips and fucks into you with slow, languid movements, knowing that if he picks up the pace any further, he’d have you screaming so loud that the rest of the batch may actually hear you. 

“What do you want? Tell me.” There is a layer of sweat covering your body and making Hunter lose his mind. Your scent is more pronounced now that it has ever been, and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to interact with you normally now that he knew what you smelled like as you prayed for him to fuck you harder. 

“I want you to come with me.” Your request storms into Hunter’s mind, making him wish he could just tell you how he feels, how he’s felt for so long. 

“Kriff,” he throws his head back and looks at the ceiling, knowing that tonight would replay in his mind until you came to him and asked him to take you to bed again. 

“So close…so fucking close. Hunter, please…let me feel you come with me. Come inside me.” You grab one of his wrists in an attempt to remain grounded, and Hunter can’t help but whine at the desperation you were trusting him with. Never in his life did he think he’d have you so unabashedly wanton, but here you were, telling him that you wanted nothing more than to feel him come with you. 

“You’re killing me baby.” Hunter growls and looks down at where you’re joined, not caring for how crazed he must appear to you as his hair swings back and forth, and his face shines with sweat. 

“Oh-hhh f…fuck right there-” you scream into the darkening room, no longer able to hold back the pleasure from seizing you and showering you with a most beautiful distraction. 

“Mesh’la, I-” whatever he’s about to say is cut off by your lips as you pull him into you and mold your lips with his own. It’s a hungry kiss, and Hunter prays to the Force that you’re desperate for him out of necessity and not out of simple, physical attraction. He gives you what you want regardless, slipping his tongue into your mouth and surrendering himself to the pleasure just as your walls flutter around his cock and signal your orgasm. Feeling you tighten even harder around him is almost too much, and he doesn’t realize he’s thrusting so violently into you until you break the kiss and scream his name. He fucks into you without abandon, growling your name over and over again until he lets go and falls over the edge with you. You’re aware of how harshly you’re dragging your nails across his back, and before you can apologize for accidentally sending him into a sensory overload, Hunter is falling against you and sinking his teeth into your shoulders, shooting his cum so deep inside you that you feel the warmth of his seed spread across your body. Neither of you stop moving, wanting the other to reach absolute pleasure before you finally slow down. As you come down from your highs, you wonder if you should ask Hunter what he was going to say right before he came, but you get distracted by the way he begins to slowly move off of you. 

“No wait,” he’s about to move off of you when you throw your arms around his neck and keep him flush against you. You can almost feel his heartbeat sound against your chest, and you’re sure he can hear your own singing for him, but you pay no mind to it, instead focusing on the heat of his skin as it slides against yours. 

“Stay.” You ask once, hoping that he’d listen to you without wondering why you wanted to have him crush you with his weight. 

“Wrap your arms around me tightly.” He says after a while, and as soon as he knows you did as he said, he slips his hands beneath you and holds onto you as he rolls around. The action shifts his cock inside you, and both of you moan out in unison at the shock of oversensitivity that strikes across your spines. He is careful when he moves again, and once he’s comfortable on his back, he slides his hand up your body and grabs your neck. You pull back to look into his eyes, offering him a lazy smile before resting your cheek on his chest again. 

“Does this feel good?”

“I- I liked your weight on me…but yes, this is nice.” You decide not to lie to him, knowing that he may misunderstand your answer if you didn’t give him the whole truth. 

“Noted.” You can hear the smirk in his own voice and snuggle closer into him, not realizing that your playing with his hair until he nuzzles closer into your hands.

“Stay as long as you like, ad’ika.”

You make a mental note of asking him what all of those words mean later, but for now, you surrender to his embrace and the gentle touches he continued to grace you with. Neither of you say anything else as you relish the sweetness of the moment, and before long, you notice that Hunter’s heart was beating much faster than it should. You’ve been sitting without much movement for a long time, so you wonder briefly why his heart was threatening to leap out of his chest. The thought of being the reason behind such a reflex makes you think differently of Hunter, and you hope that your hunch is right or else you’ll end up making a fool out of yourself when you ask him to take you to bed again. 

Just thinking of doing this again with Hunter sends your spiraling and you unintentionally clench around him, but this time, you realize that he’s grown hard again. In fact, you could feel him pulsing inside of you, and you hope he doesn’t sense the shift in your body or else you’d have to explain to him why you were getting wet again. 

“Don’t forget our little agreement sweet girl. I told you I’d know if you were thinking of him.” Hunter breaks the silence suddenly, and you frown at the sentiment, not because it was far from the truth, but because Hunter thought you were thinking of Tech and not him. 

“I didn’t forget.” You pull away and pout at him, wanting him to see that you clearly weren’t lying to him. 

“Then what’s making your heart race so suddenly?” It’s the first time Hunter asks a question that he clearly doesn’t know the answer to, but when you look away from him and draw strange patterns over his chest, he knows instantly what it was you’re thinking about. 

“Interesting…” You roll your eyes at him, unable to hold back from giggling along with him when he cracks a smile and laughs at your obvious irritation. 

“H-Hunter,” you break the moment and gulp nervously when he meets your eyes and gives you his undivided attention. 

“Yes, mesh’la?” If there was ever a moment where Hunter was at his most peaceful, you think it may be this one. 

“Kiss me? Please?” You’re reluctant in your request, unsure of whether he’d draw the line here now that you weren’t actively trying to fuck each other. But as he’s done so many times in the past few hours, he surprises you with an answer that you’d later pinpoint as the first time you truly felt something deeper than attraction for him. 

“Never ask for what’s already yours, cyare.”

[certaimromance]

ꫂ ၴႅၴ Tall Child.

Aaron Hotchner x BAU!reader (platonic)

Summary: No matter how hard you try to impress him, Agent Hotchner never seems to be satisfied with your work. And it all comes crashing down when you decide to confront him.

Words: 2,7k.

TW: mentions of crime, injuries. angst WITHOUT happy ending. hotch being a father figure. soo much angst (yes, again). father and rebellious daughter type discussion. temporarily located in the first season. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: He is so ❤️‍🔥daddy❤️‍🔥 but also 💔dad💔 for me, okay?

This was painful to write, so I loved it (I literally wrote it with I Bet On Losing Dogs by Mitski in the background).

♡ Enjoy! ♡

Anyone who knows you knows that your lifelong dream was to help make the world a better place.

And from your day one at the BAU, you felt like your wildest dreams had come true. You were saving lives, reassuring victims, and helping to bring to justice those who tormented them so they could never do it to anyone else again. You were making a real difference in the world, even if you weren't the caped superhero you wanted to be as a kid.

But, as they say, nothing's perfect. And your job had more contradictions for your mental and physical health than there were fingers on your hands to count. The long and unstable schedule, the few hours of sleep, nightmares about the atrocities you saw, no social life outside the team...and of course, the constant disappointment you felt from Aaron Hotchner, your boss.

From day one, you had worked tirelessly to prove yourself. You craved the approval of your superiors, the respect of your colleagues. The job was demanding, yes, but you wanted to show that you could not only handle it but thrive under the pressure. And you had earned the trust and admiration of everyone around you, except for him.

Agent Hotchner was an enigma to you. There was something about him that both intrigued and intimidated you. He was always so calm, without showing much emotion, without so much as a smile for you. He was a wall you couldn't break through no matter how hard you tried. You had tried so hard to impress him, to make sure he saw your dedication, your work ethic, but you always seemed to fall short. His approval, or lack thereof, hurt more than anything else. You had gotten used to it by now, but it didn't make it any easier.

And now, here you were, in his office, watching him scrutinize your medical diagnosis. He had just glanced at the report from the doctor that had followed you back from the Utah case. Your shoulder, a minor injury, but one that could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t thrown yourself headfirst into the danger in the way you did.

Finally, after several moments of awkward silence, you dared to speak. “What do you think? I am practically at my best.”

Deep down, you knew you were lying through your teeth and that you were not well with an injured shoulder, a concussion, and several bruises, but you refused to say so out loud. You were a brave girl, and he should know.

Hotch looked up from the report in his hand and stared at you. It was the kind of look that made your hair stand on end and gave you a feeling that something was wrong.

“No, you're not.” He sighs and closes the folder before walking over to the desk you were sitting behind. He leans against it as he looks at you, arms folded across his chest. “You disobeyed a direct order during the case. You abandoned your partner.”

“I didn’t abandon Reid,” you replied, your voice sounding more defensive than you intended. You straightened in your chair, wincing slightly as your shoulder protested the movement. “I simply suggested he wait behind me. And it worked, didn’t it? He saved the victim, and I stopped the unsub.”

Teamwork, as you liked to call it.

“It paid off this time,” he said, his voice low but firm. “But that doesn’t excuse disregarding protocol. You put yourself and your partner in unnecessary danger. That’s not the kind of decision-making we can afford here.”

Oh no, here comes the usual chatter you didn't want to hear this time. Normally, you would be quiet, listening and nodding at his every word, but this time there was something different. You just longed for congratulations. Was it really so difficult for him to tell you once that you did something right?

You stiffened in your chair, the ache in your shoulder suddenly more pronounced. “With all due respect, I evaluated the situation and made a hard decision. I’m not some rookie who doesn’t know how to handle themselves in the field.”

Even as the words came out, you felt very nervous. You didn't know if it was the drugs they gave you in the hospital to fight the pain or if it was just your shyness leaving your body completely for no reason.

“I’m not questioning your skills,” he replied sharply. “But you’re not operating at one hundred percent, and that affects your judgment. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard for months—longer, maybe. And now you’re injured. You need time to recover and think about this.”

God, no.

“I don’t need time; I need to work,” you shot back, frustration lacing your tone. This job was your lifeline, your purpose. Without it, who were you?

“You know we work as a team. A unit. And when one part of the unit breaks down, there are consequences.” His voice wasn’t just firm; it was unyielding, like a warning. The way he said it almost felt like he was speaking to a child—a reprimand you didn’t want but knew you had earned. “No one is above the team, not even you.”

You didn't know if it was the way he said it or the words he used, but it was like the straw that broke the camel's back, and you were tired of putting up with the situation. This was the first time you had made a decision on your own, the first time you had not discussed your ideas with the team only to have them ignored and then spoken louder by someone else. Finally, you had acted, and even that was wrong.

You were tired, fucking tired of being ignored and judged much more harshly than the rest.

A bitter laugh escaped your lips, barely audible but heavy with frustration. The ache in your shoulder seemed to flare as if your body was responding to the tension in the room. “And what consequences are you thinking of, sir?” you asked, your voice dripping with sarcasm. There was no hiding the venom now. “What’s worse than not being valued even when I do my job?”

His gaze turned hard as if your tone had cut him deeper than any physical injury could. He didn’t take kindly to disrespect, especially from someone who had otherwise followed his orders without question. You saw the shift in him, the quiet fury simmering beneath his usually controlled exterior. If you were anyone else, the conversation would have already escalated. But you weren’t anyone else. You were someone he knew far too well.

“Don’t use that tone with me,” he bit back, his voice low and steady but carrying a weight that made your stomach twist. There was no mistake now—this wasn’t just about the case. This was more personal. “You are suspended. Your gun and badge on the table. Now.”

Oh, oh, oh.

The words hung in the air between you like a guillotine, sudden and final. The room seemed to close in on you, the breath in your chest catching in surprise. You didn’t know if it was the shock or the disbelief, but your mind struggled to grasp the magnitude of his command. Suspended? Your world was spinning.

You opened your mouth to speak, to argue, but the words caught in your throat, leaving you with nothing but a hollow sound of confusion. “What? Why?”

“Agent, you disobeyed a direct order and endangered yourself and your partner,” he said firmly. “I don’t take your actions lightly. Suspension is not a punishment—it’s a consequence. You need time to heal, both physically and mentally.”

The idea of being sidelined was incomprehensible. The thought of doing nothing—being stuck in your apartment, forced to be still—felt suffocating. No. You couldn’t accept it.

“This is ridiculous. I did my job! I stopped the unsub! Reid saved the victim because I made the right choice!”

You saved a life, even if it meant risking a little of your own. You did save it.

“And what happens next time?” Hotch shot back, his voice rising slightly. “What happens if your judgment falters again because you’re running on empty? What if next time, it’s Reid who doesn’t come back?”

Then, silence.

The thought of Spencer getting hurt turned your stomach and made you question your actions. If anything happened to him, you would never forgive yourself…His life did matter, a lot.

“Gun. Badge. Now.” Your boss talks again. He gestured toward the desk.

Your fingers trembled, betraying you as you reached for the gun on your hip. The cool metal felt foreign in your hands, like something that had never truly belonged to you. Your mind screamed for you to stop, to stand your ground, to fight this. But your body, exhausted and broken, refused to cooperate.

You opened your mouth to speak, but your voice cracked before you could get the words out. “I…I didn’t mean…I just…”

Finally, with a shaky breath, you placed your gun on the desk. The thud it made as it landed felt like the sound of everything you had worked for being shattered in front of you. You could feel the sting of unshed tears burning in your eyes, but you wouldn’t let them fall. Not here. Not in front of him.

It didn’t matter what you said. It never seemed to matter, not with him. You had tried so hard to be the one who did everything right, to be the one he could rely on, and yet all you had earned was this—this cold, final judgment. He wasn’t just your boss in that moment; he was the embodiment of everything you had tried to prove yourself against. A reminder that, no matter what you did, it still wasn’t enough.

The words spilled from your mouth before you could stop them, the bitter taste of them already familiar. “You think I’m weak, don’t you?” The tone you had intended to be defiant came out more like a desperate plea. “You think I can’t handle this, that I’m just some liability?”

He didn’t flinch at your outburst. His gaze softened, but just barely. “No,” he said, his voice surprisingly gentle but firm. “I think you’re pushing yourself too hard. You’re not weak. But you’re hurting, and I can see it. You need time to recover.”

The words hit you like a slap, unexpected and unwelcome. You shook your head, a bitter laugh escaping your lips as you tried to fight back the burning in your chest. You refused to let the tears well up, to let them gather where he could see them. Not here. Not now. Please, not now.

“I don’t need time,” you said, your voice sharp, biting. But underneath the defiance was something raw and desperate, a quiet plea that you couldn’t fully suppress. “I need to be here. I need to do my job. I need to save lives.”

The last part came out as a whisper, as though saying it too loudly would shatter the fragile conviction you had left. You felt like you were slipping, like the ground beneath you was crumbling, and all you could do was cling to this one thing—the job. The only thing that made you feel like you mattered.

“The only life you need to save now is yours,” he said, his voice quieter but still heavy with authority.

You froze, the weight of his words pressing down on you like a crushing tide. Your stomach churned, and you fought to keep your composure, to keep from lashing out, even though every part of you wanted to scream. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t.

A bitter, trembling laugh bubbled up from your throat, unbidden and full of venom. “If it had been Reid or Morgan, you wouldn’t be doing this,” you snapped, the accusation like a raw wound exposed to the open air.

For the first time, something flickered in his eyes—anger, hurt, or something you couldn’t quite place. His jaw tightened, his posture stiffening, and when he spoke, his voice was sharper than before, each word deliberate and cutting.

“No,” he said, the firmness in his tone slicing through the room like a blade. “Because they would never have done this.”

The silence that followed was deafening. It slammed into you like a tidal wave, drowning out every other sound. His words rang in your ears, echoing in the hollow space left behind by your crumbling defenses.

They would never have done this.

Your chest tightened, a deep ache settling in your ribs, and for a moment, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. The accusation hung in the air, heavy and unforgiving. He wasn’t just saying you’d made a mistake—he was saying you were the mistake. That you weren’t good enough. That you never would be.

“Is this because I’m a woman?” you asked, the words coming out sharper than you intended. There was a bitter edge to them, a question that had been gnawing at you for far too long. “Because Elle is too, and even she has more, or is it because of my age? Reid is younger, and you never doubt him.”

“It’s not about any of that,” he said finally, his voice low and tight. But it wasn’t reassuring. It only sounded like an evasion, like he was brushing your concerns aside, and it made your chest ache all over again. “It’s not about your gender or your age.”

“It’s about me,” you said, the words like glass shards scraping at your insides. “It’s about how you don’t trust me.”

For the first time, you saw a flicker of something in his eyes—something almost like guilt, but it was fleeting, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. He opened his mouth, but the words he spoke next were measured, controlled. Too controlled.

“No,” he said, his voice so steady it almost hurt. “That’s not it.”

You stared at him, heart racing, hands trembling, as the truth wrapped around you tighter than you ever thought possible. His words weren’t just dismissing your feelings—they were rejecting everything you had ever believed about your worth, about why you were here, in this moment, fighting so desperately for something you couldn’t even name.

But this time, it was different. You weren’t going to back down. Not anymore.

“Then what is it?” You whispered, voice breaking, tears finally threatening to spill. “What is it, Hotch? What is it about me that isn’t enough?”

“It’s not about you,” he said, but his voice lacked the certainty it usually held. “It’s not about trusting you…It’s about protecting you.” His gaze softened just enough for you to notice, but it only made the pain worse. “I can’t lose…I can’t let you lose yourself.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. You were trembling, your pulse racing in your ears, but now there was only a terrible stillness. You swallowed, trying to push down the bitterness that rose up in your throat.

“You don’t get to make decisions for me,” you snapped, barely holding back the frustration that bubbled to the surface. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me. You don’t get to act like you’re my father, making me follow some imaginary line, keeping me under your control. If you want to raise someone, you already have a baby at home.”

The moment the words left your lips, you saw it—just the faintest flicker of hurt in his eyes. The barest flinch. But it was enough to make you feel the weight of your accusation like a stone, sinking into your chest. The silence that followed was thick with it, suffocating, and you could feel the air growing heavier between you.

“I’m not your dad,” he said, the words low, the icy calm of his voice unmistakable. There was no anger in it, just a hollow, painful truth. But the sting of it was sharp enough to leave a mark.

You blinked, the sharpness of his response cutting through you like a blade. You wanted to fight back, to lash out with everything you had, but something stopped you. Instead, your voice came out quieter, almost hollow as you whispered, “I know…Do you know that?”

And then, just like that, you turned away, your breath ragged in your chest. You didn’t wait for his answer, didn’t wait for anything. You couldn’t stand the ache that had taken root in your chest, the fear that had begun to take shape in the corners of your mind.

And the door slammed behind you.

[xshines]

mizu x reader enemies to lovers

sry for being inactive, im lazy af; also i might continue this one

Falling pieces of snow slowly began to cover the surface of the broken sword, thrown somewhere in the distance on the cold ground, no longer incapable of saving you. The cold snow slowly began to compact and melt beneath your shivering, warm body. The cold metal of your rival's sword blade hugs your thin neck. You dared to look up at her as she hovered over you, her expression blank. She finally has you. She looks at you lying so pathetically in front of her now. She squints those blue eyes of hers to scan you once again, your scratches, your torn clothes, a moment longer she lingers on your torn side, which stains your clothes and the snow beneath you with a dark crimson. But finally her eyes land on your face, finally able to take a closer look at the face of one that has been getting under her skin so much lately. Her enemy. Oh, how she hated you.

You know your fate very well, you are very aware of what is about to happen. Even though your body is shaking from exhaustion, from the snow and cold wind, you try not to show your fear. Despite your increasingly throbbing wound, you don't even hiss or whine. You're not asking for mercy. On the contrary, you frown and even give her that defiant look. Like you're daring her to cut your neck.

She hesitates, hesitates the longer she looks into those big eyes of yours. She has killed countless men, but their facial expressions were different, they were afraid, they were begging, they were screaming, asking for mercy. You are different. The sight of your helpless body, covered with blood dripping from your side, invokes sympathy and nostalgia in your eyes. For some reason, she finds in them a strange innocence that she herself was stripped of a long, long time ago. You look so soft. You look so pretty. “You’re so young…” her voice whispers while her eyes stare into your face. You could only wonder why she hadn't yet swung her blade and sliced your neck cleanly once and for all. "Does it matter now?" You answer in an equally quiet, hoarse voice. The cold wind blows strands of hair and sticks them slightly to your forehead.

Your words echoes in her head. She is brave. You haven’t shown fear nor pleaded for life, which makes her feel…something. She is strong. The cold blade still doesn't pierce the soft skin. "Why didn't you ask for mercy...?" She speaks quietly, only a silent breeze passes by, whispering snow in her hair. She is special. Not many survive an encounter with her, even those who have begged and fallen to their knees.

More and more you felt the blood flowing down your side, staining your clothes and coloring the snow. You just snorted at her question. Despite how much blood you've already lost, you still collect the remaining energy to growl in response. "I am not a dog. I'm not going to whine for mercy." You even dared to give her that determined look again.

All sorts of thoughts were running through Mizu's head now. She’s not afraid. She doesn't know her place. She's just like me. She lowers her katana. Her enemy is more than just an enemy.

"What are you doing?" The question falls from your lips as your eyes follow the blade as it moves away from your neck. „You should kill me.”

The moral monologue battles deep within Mizu. She still wants me to kill her. I should kill her. With the sound of the blade, Mizu raises her sword and returns it to its scabbard. Her gaze falters — a rare moment of weakness. "How old are you?" She steps closer as her voice echoes in the snow-covered landscape, while her blue eyes scan their enemy's body, taking in every tiny detail — bruises, scars, wounds. A glance at the blood that continues to seep down your side and stain the snow. An unexpected feeling, unknown to her, wells within her. An urge to protect this young person, as if you had reminded her of her younger self.

This sudden change in attitude surprises you. You swallow, gritting your teeth as you consider whether to answer the question or ignore it. After all, you no longer have a weapon, and even if you wanted to get up and run away, with this wound by your side, it wouldn't be difficult to catch up with you. "… 20." Mizu frowns when she hears the answer. She really is just like me. You are only a few years younger than her, but you have already chosen this terrible path of violence. “Stand up” she demands quietly. You look sharply at Mizu, as if trying to feel the catch. Slowly, you tuck your legs and push yourself up into a sitting position with your arms. You grit your teeth and widen your eyes as now your wound reminds you even more of its existence. After a moment of deep breaths, you gather yourself to get up. You'd rather bite your tongue than hiss in pain in the presence of your enemy, and finally you slowly, swaying slightly, stand in front of her.

Mizu’s gaze remains fixed on her rival, not taking her eyes off you for a single second. She sheaths her katana entirely, and a soft snow breeze fills her senses. The sound of snow crunching beneath her enemy’s feet resonates inside her mind, echoing inside of her heart. "What is your name?"

You think for a moment. You don't have the strength to think about why she's suddenly asking you so much information about you. The only thing you focus on is the throbbing pain at your side. "[Y/N]" You reply quietly, your head slightly bowed as you grab your side and try to apply pressure to your wound. “[Y/N]…” Mizu repeats after you. Her enemy’s name echoes in her mind, as if a whisper. The cold wind passes by, caressing her senses, touching her face with invisible fingers, carrying a hint of fresh winter air. Her blue eyes soften, as if looking at the most beautiful thing in existence. “Your name…is beautiful…" she sighs, unable to take her eyes off her enemy. “…like you,” Your face relaxed slightly at this sudden compliment. It's been a long time since anyone complimented you or your appearance. You opened your mouth as if you wanted to say something, but after a while you remembered the situation you were in and frowned again. She is your enemy. „Shut up” You groaned, unable to hold in the pain any longer. You lowered your head and clenched your eyes and teeth. When you looked at your hand, entirely stained with blood, you shuddered. Mizu watched your reaction very carefully. Deep down, she admired you for still having the nerve to tell her to shut up despite bleeding profusely and being on the verge of death. She's strong. She’s beautiful. “I’m taking you with me,” Mizu said sternly, as she approached you. She lifted you, her enemy into her arms.

Her closest enemy. Oh, how she adored you.

[unicyclehippo]

For bishova: regret

it would be stupid to think she knew anything about yelena from one—a mostly masked fight on a rooftop, and two—a conversation slash interrogation (?) in her burned-up apartment but when the widow took the seat next to her in the booth where she had been drowning her sorrows, a bottle of top shelf vodka in her hand, kate couldn’t help thinking maybe the other girl was being nice.

but what the fuck did she know? she hadn’t even know her mom was a mob boss or whatever.

‘what do you want?’

‘to drink,’ yelena said calmly.

kate kept her head low. no one in a bar like this cared who she was—hopefully, though maybe she was risking it by patronising a dive bar, maybe her mom had double-crossed or pressured or stole from or threatened everyone in here.

kate didn’t tell yelena to leave but she didn’t say anything more. just sat and rolled a quarter over her knuckles again and again and again and again and—

‘you are not being a very welcoming friend, kate bish—‘

‘don’t,’ kate growled. out of the corner of her eye, she saw the assassin smirk. she probably sounded like a toothless puppy to her. she was a fucking joke. ‘just don’t. okay? sit and drink or go away.’

yelena sat. she poured a measure into one shot glass and pushed it in front of kate, who blinked down at it.

‘what—did you bring your own novelty shot glasses to a bar?’ she couldn’t think of another reason she’d have an Alice In Wonderland themed glass.

kate let the quarter clatter to the tabletop and traded it for the little glass, lifted it up to make sure.

DRINK ME, it said, with a cheshire grin.

yelena didn’t smile like that but when kate finally looked at her, properly, she was pretty sure the glint in her eyes was the assassin’s version of it.

‘yes. mine is even better. see?’

kate didn’t look down.

‘does it say hot sauce?’

‘it says hot sauce.’ yelena smiled toothily. ‘a funny thing to put on a shot glass, yes?’

‘yeah.’ kate mustered a dry sigh. ‘yeah, it’s - that’s funny.’

‘you are not amused. you are either not a funny person, kate—which i know is not true—or you are not paying attention to my very funny glass.’

yelena threw her shot back.

kate should look away. kate should not find it very attractive, the way yelena shook her hair back and swallowed the shot, licked a drop from the corner of her mouth. the line of her throat. kate should not have got her mom arrested. kate should not be upset about getting her mom arrested. kate should be stalwart and true and brave and—

yelena tapped the table. ‘drink.’

‘don’t tell me what to do,’ kate snapped, overly harsh.

the only sign that yelena noticed was her slow blink. then the assassin scoffed.

‘so rude, kate! here i am, bringing the “good stuff”, and you won’t drink? this is very hurtful. i am hurt!’ yelena insisted, hand to heart.

she was lying, of course. she had some spin, some angle, something she was trying to get out of her or do and kate didn’t have to play along this time! it wasn’t any of her business! except that yelena was here, of course, but what did that mean?

kate scowled down at her drink. she hadn’t even finished the mostly-foam beer the bartender had shoved into her hand, pint sticky with the drink that slopped over the edge. or from the drink before. which was gross but. whatever. she wished she’d drunk more. wished yelena hadn’t shown up yet but when she was a more respectable nine drinks in, which would be a real excuse for not knowing what angle yelena was working this time, for how muddled kate’s thoughts were.

an ache punched up into the soft of her brain, the headache (concussion?) kate had been ignoring for the last hour. she let out an unsteady breath and picked up the quarter again. squeezed it until that hurt more than her head.

‘did you poison it?’

yelena turned so she could lean an elbow on the table, prop her head against her hand. kate watched out of the corner of her eye as the other girl smiled very sweetly.

‘no.’

‘drug it?’

‘no.’

‘steal it?’

‘no.’

kate sighed.

‘fuck it. thanks.’

she drank.

the vodka hit the back of her throat first. then she tasted it; it tasted like the time she swore her head off and her mom told her to wash her mouth out with soap and she’d done it because—

‘another,’ kate rasped, and coughed.

yelena poured her another. when kate drank that one too, she said,

‘you did not strike me as this kind of girl.’

heat poured through kate, stomach out. it was nice. it was always so cold in new york. not the real kind of cold kept at bay with a good coat, and kate always had a good coat and boots she never slipped because her mom always got her the best stuff and scolded her when she tried to slide across a big patch of ice. new york was cold because there were so many people here but none of them were hers. and yet. here was yelena. and vodka. and kate was warm.

her tongue felt warm too, which was weird. maybe the drink was drugged. she didn’t think she cared at this point.

‘what kinda girl?’

‘the kind to sit in dirty bars and drink alone.’

kate considered that seriously. yelena’s words felt as smoky as her voice and the meanings kept slipping through her fingers. how strong was that vodka?

‘me neither,’ she confessed. ‘but before today did you think i was the kinda girl to get my mom arrested?’ it struck her as funny. it was funny! because, guess what, she is!

‘i was not sure,’ yelena said. ‘but i am not that surprised. it was fifty-fifty, yes?’

fifty-fifty chance she’s a bad daughter or a bad hero. great odds. fucking fantastic.

‘you are having regret.’

kate eyed her empty shot glass.

‘i will give you another when you answer my question.’

kate grinned. leaned closer to her drinking buddy. ‘so this—‘ she patted yelena’s shoulder—and was sober enough to see the frown that earned her to remember not to do that again—‘this is an interrogation, huh? okay.’ she leaned closer. ‘i wish you hadn’t told me.’

yelena narrowed her eyes. read kate like an open book. easier—like words on a clear shot glass.

‘you do not mean that.’

kate shrugged. she wasn’t so sure. she nudged her shot glass closer to yelena. ‘any more questions or will you be a good drinking buddy and top me up, romanoff?’

she thought yelena wanted to say something for a second, as she sat back in the seat and tilted her head. but then yelena only poured her another drink and kate thought better of it. what the fuck did she know? not her mom. and certainly not yelena.

[mvrkieboo]

queen you know ily but i still want y/n to be bitter and resentful pleeeeaaaaase

One moment you were texting with Kyungsoo, the next you were lying on the floor of the apartment you shared with Yoonsu, ears ringing from how hard he had hit you on the side of your head from behind. You saw his feet appear in front of your face, then he pulled your head up by your hair, making you wince.

Shit. You didn't even hear him coming. He caught you red-handed, then—like you gave a fuck. The blackmail was gone now, there was nothing he could use to threaten you anymore.

He scrolled on your secret phone, reading the messages you exchanged with Detective Do.

"Wow, you're one disloyal bitch. You've been talking to another man behind my back." Yoonsu seethed, letting your hair go.

Your head dropped to the floor, and you could finally move freely again. As you struggled to get your bearings (why the fuck did he hit so hard this time?), Yoonsu sent a reply to Kyungsoo's text and threw the phone out of the window.

You were trying to crawl away from where he was, your head spinning too wildly to let yourself stand back up, making him scoff at the pathetic sight. He followed you closely, actually curious to where you were heading.

You were heading to the kitchen, it seemed.

"Good for you for getting rid of the blackmail, Y/N, but you do know what this means, right?" He sounded off—talking to you like you were an audience member of his own live TV show.

When you could finally stand up again, getting to your knees as you began to stand on your feet, he kicked you in the stomach. Cheap shots and low blows—Cha Yoonsu, how he has fallen so far from his fearsome status. Pathetic and cowardly was all that remained of the man who had been subjugating you through blackmail.

You had to laugh at it—how could you not? Never mind the stabbing pains in your stomach as you gurgled in laughter while writhing in pain on your back.

"Fuck—do you remember when people used to fear you, Yoonsu?" You giggled out.

That earned you a kick to your arm.

"Are you gonna talk about how much of a coward I'm now? Wanna talk about how I have no dignity left?" He hissed, crouching down next to you.

He watched you closely as you sat up.

"You know how to read minds now?" You bit out and that earned you a punch to the face.

He didn't give you a chance to recover, pulling your hair up so your face could face his. He was beyond angry, you could clearly see that, but he had always been angry. This time, he was being reckless with his anger, explosive instead of simmering. You held your cheek, the warmth of your hand easing the pain.

"Well, maybe I am a coward now, but so are you. You have always been a coward, Y/N. Sure, I pushed you to isolate yourself from your people, but it was you who still did it anyway—all because you didn't want those slutty pictures of you to spread. And you wanna make me believe you pushed them away because you were being selfless? Didn't want them to get involved in our mess? No! You were being selfish, Y/N, so stop deluding yourself that you're anything but." He tugged on your hair so your face was pulled closer to his.

Your spunky behavior from just a moment before was wiped out of you. No more gutsy comebacks, no more smart quips. No more being a smartass. When fear surfaced in your eyes, Yoonsu didn't dare to delude himself that you were getting afraid of him—he knew it was actually you fearing what was coming out his mouth.

Because both of you were taking what he was saying as the truth.

"If only you were actually brave enough in confronting your past, accept that it happened to you—but you didn't want to. You wanted to live in a fantasy land where none of it even happened in the first place, all the while whining 'You don't know what I've been through! I don't deserve this! Wah! You hurt my feelings! You don't know that the things you said just hurt me!'—GOD! Those guys were saints for putting up with you." He laughed, patting your cheek.

"You're so selfish, you fled Gangnam after that botched operation to arrest me—because you couldn't stand facing Detective Kim anymore when everyone knew that Junyoung got killed because of you. Because that idiot cared too much for a selfish, cowardly girl like you. He's probably rolling in his grave at your school's abandoned plant nursery, Y/N, because you ABANDONED HIM." You shrieked when Yoonsu began to yell at you, and it annoyed him so much, he slapped you.

"I did your brother a favor for making you isolate yourself from him. He's better off without you. A rising star like him would be better off without a dead weight. I did everyone in your life a great favor. Since you love them so much, you should be grateful to me, you selfish bitch."

He threw your head to the ground, watching you break down in tears. Since you were already in the kitchen, he headed to the counters and took out a knife.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kyungsoo pressed on the gas, knowing the way to the apartment you shared with Yoonsu like the back of his hand—he's been prowling around the apartment for days now, of course he'd know. He cut off a Ford F150, tuning out the honk directed at him.

"Detective Do!" Taeyong let out, and Kyungsoo pressed on the gas more.

"We're running out of time, Taeyong!"

Geonwoo held his breath when a car suddenly cut him from his right, while Woojin let out a string of curses that would have his own mother petrified if she heard it. Mark and Yuno held on their seatbelts, shocked when the car almost did a break check.

"You both okay?" Woojin asked with a firm tone, Geonwoo still focusing on the road.

"Y-Yeah. What was the guy's problem?" Mark choked out.

"Who fucking knows—but don't mind it too much. We have a big celebration tonight. We're almost there anyway."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You stared at Yoonsu bleeding out right before you, as you pressed on your own stab wound. It all happened so fast, and you wanted to yell at him, ask him why he so suddenly stabbed himself in the throat after stabbing you in the stomach.

But to watch Yoonsu bleed out while wearing Junyoung's face was a stuff of your nightmares, and Yoonsu was staring straight at you until the light in his eyes was finally snuffed out.

It felt like you were watching Junyoung himself dying in front of you.

You crawled over to his body, taking out his phone. You stared at it for a while, your hands shaking from the shock of the pain. With the amount of blood you were losing—was it gonna make a difference if you called 119 now?

Were you going to die this way?

You dialed Yuno's number, devastated when he didn't pick up after you tried three more times. So you gritted your teeth and started to put in Mark's number instead.

If you were going to die, you at least wanted to talk with your loved ones before you...go. You put the phone to your ear, tears dripping down your face, like the blood that dripped down your wound.

"Listen, Jaehyun's gonna sue you if you—" You hear Mark's heated voice, and you realise that since you were calling him using Yoonsu's phone, it was an unknown number to them. They probably assumed you were one of Jaehyun's stalkers.

"Minhyung." You slurred out.

Mark on the other end of the line froze in his steps, standing stupidly near the truck as the others were already entering the café. He pulled the phone away, but it still displayed the unknown number. Why were you calling through an unknown number? He then realised you had called him 'Minhyung' instead of 'Mark'.

"Y/N, why are you calling through this number?" Mark sighed, pinching on his temples.

"Can't find my phone. Is Yuno with you?" You slurred on your words, staring out the windows, feeling weaker by the moment. It made it sound like you were drunk, and Mark seethed at your inebriated state.

"Are you drunk? At 7 PM? Seriously?"

"Please just give the phone to Yuno, I—"

"No. If you really want to talk to him, you'd come here. No one's gonna lock you and your Junyoung out the doors, Y/N. Just show up, for fuck's sake." Mark held himself back from raising his voice, and that's when he noticed Haechan was beckoning for him to get inside the café already through the windows.

Mark held up a hand, then pointed at the phone, mouthing your name. Haechan rolled his eyes when he understood Mark was on call with you, and left him alone.

"I can't come, Minhyung, but I...I still want to congratulate him. Just please—"

"No, I don't wanna do that, Y/N! Jaehyun wants you to show up, not hear you drunkenly give out a half-assed congratulations through the phone. You'd just make him sad at his own party. If that's all, goodbye."

He dropped the call, turning off his phone and shoving it into his pocket before getting into the café.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kyungsoo kicked on the door, but it didn't budge, so he rammed at it instead. It resulted in him falling into the apartment face first, but he got to brace the fall with his knees and hands—so he didn't faceplant into the floor this time, thank you very much. When he raised his head, he saw the blood trail in the kitchen area.

Taeyong saw it from the front entrance and he beat his partner to it as he raced into the kitchen. He felt his breath getting stuck in his throat when he saw the two bodies on the tiled kitchen floor, blood everywhere. He went straight to you while Kyungsoo from behind him went to Yoonsu as Taeyong was already checking for your pulse.

Taeyong felt your pulses, it was there, but it was weak. He took out his walkie talkie and immediately called for the ambulance.

As you were getting wheeled into the ambulance with Kyungsoo by your side, Taeyong got into the car, determined that he would be the one to inform the people you wrote out in your list. He opened his jacket, and—the list wasn't there. Feeling himself panic, he began to search the whole car, as Kyungsoo was already getting into the ambulance.

The list was gone.

The list was gone.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You woke up to the sound of the heart monitor beeping, and you turned your head to the side to see Kyungsoo getting up from his seat to look at you more closely. You were wearing an oxygen mask and you pulled it to the side.

"Taeyong, get the doctor! Shit—keep the mask on kid. The bastard stabbed you through your lung. Do you—do you wanna say something?"

You nodded, placing the mask pressed against your cheek.

"Have you reached the people on my list?"

Kyungsoo felt his heart constrict at your question. Dumbass Taeyong—he lost the list. And even when they did retrieve your brother's address and contact information, he neither picked up his phone nor was he at the condo. He was currently unreachable—and so was your dad.

He shook his head, regret marring his expression.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but we lost your list. If you could—"

"Good."

Kyungsoo snapped his head at you, eyebrows furrowed.

"What?"

"I said good. I don't want them to be here, and I don't want you to try and reach them anymore. I'd rather be alone right now, so I would appreciate it if you kept it this way."

Kyungsoo was just about to ask you what you meant by that, but that's when Taeyong came in with the doctor and nurses. They pushed the detectives away as they checked on you, and Kyungsoo finally noticed just how empty you looked.

You looked utterly defeated.

A/N : since y'all wanted to see Y/N be bitter so much, here you go then 😒

[auspicioustidings]

Fixer Upper

Summary: Request for some fluffy established relationship PricexReaderxSoap for @bunnyreaper (pls be advised I am working through my ask box and the next one is this throuple but horny :D)

Words: 1.3k

“It's a fixer upper love!”

It was the first thing John had said to you when you had emerged from the trees and seen the cottage that was now yours and he was not lying. The place was falling apart.

“Och come on bunny, going tae have tae see the vision!”

Ah, Johnny could always read your face and right now your scepticism must be written all over it. He used bunny when he wanted to wind you up a little. The first time you and the two of them had really sat down and spoken about your relationship, turned it into something formal, he had joked you were their barracks bunny. John had laughed but smacked him upside the head for that.

“Sure thing Sergeant John, let me just get my rose tinted glasses. Now where did I put those things?”

He stuck his tongue out at you. You had your own nickname ready to wind him up. Usually you'd differentiate by calling him Johnny but if he was misbehaving then you differentiated by rank. John always liked that though, even if he did tell you in private all the time how Johnny would definitely make Captain one day and take over the 141 so he could retire and just have fat babies with you.

“Come on love, Captain John will take you through it” John laughed, scooping you up easily into his arms with Johnny rolling his eyes.

“Traitor, bonnie wee bunny bats her eyelashes and it's all Captain John this and Captain John that.”

Still, John placated him by leaning over with you still in his arms and planting a kiss to the side of his head. God you loved when they were soft and tender with one another. Even before you were all together you had loved just watching how they took care of one another. It was a solid sort of affection, the kind that had become instinct to them over conscious effort.

They both fell into an easy rhythm around one another when you crossed the threshold (twice you crossed it because Johnny had watched John carry you like a bride over it and then stolen you to do the same before you were finally put down). John would point out something to be fixed and how to fix it, Johnny would wax poetic about what it would be like when done.

It took you two rooms before you couldn't help but see it, could not resist getting drawn into their warm excitement. You joined in even, arguing with Johnny over where the Christmas tree would go, going on tip toes to give John kisses when he agreed he would teach you how to tile properly so you could help with his vision for the kitchen.

You knew them and you knew they'd want to do it all themselves, but they were away so often and it was so important that when they got home they actually had downtime. Of course they disagreed, but they had come to learn that while on the field they took care of everyone, here in the peaceful warmth of home it was you who took care of them. So they grumbled and sat down with you to go over tradespeople who you could bring in to help. You only had to smack John once when he refused someone on the basis that they had an attractive sounding name and he wasn't about to let their bunny wind up in a porn plot. Honestly it was probably the best you could have hoped for.

–

The soft glow of the lights made your cottage seem like something out of a cosy dream. It had taken time and effort and love but here you were with the perfect home all ready for the holidays.

There was a soft festive tune playing as John danced with you, holding you close with your head tucked into him. Johnny had braved the snow to walk down to the village and post your cards for the rest of their team. Well partially, mostly he was probably going in to say hi to all the old dears so they could fuss over him as always. You and John always teased him for being their favourite, but it was sweet to watch.

“I love you” you sighed against him, no reason for the words really other than knowing it made him smile to hear them.

“I know, everybody loves me, it's the beard I think.”

You laughed and leaned back, giving him a light tap on the nose in chastisement.

“That'll be it John, if you ever shave I'm out of here.”

“I love you too, more than I could ever put into words.”

Sometimes you couldn't believe you were so content, but softly being kissed by one of the men you loved in the home you had made together made everything just feel right.

“I spoke with Kate.”

You tilted your head at him, encouraging him to continue. It was always a struggle to try and not worry whenever he said something like that. Were they getting shipped out again? Was something dangerous coming?

“This is my last Christmas in active duty love” he said, smiling fondly at the tears already forming in your eyes. “Not told Soap yet, but I've recommended him for Captain. Simon is pushing for it too, don't think he'd accept anyone else as his CO.”

You knew it was always what John had wanted, for Johnny to take over. He spoke with you about it sometimes, explained how it would be tricky moving him from Sergeant to Captain, but with the Lieutenant backing him it would work.

It always seemed such a far off thing and now here it was, less than a year away. You were definitely crying, so happy for him and for Johnny and for yourself.

“Let's do a winter wedding.”

“You- you're supposed to propose first!” you half laughed, half sobbed.

He chuckled at the sorry state you found yourself in and smothered your face in kisses as he apologised for going about it all wrong. You heard the door open and turned to see Johnny shaking off the dusting of snow that had settled on him. He took in the situation and grinned, coming barrelling over to crush both you and John in a hug even though he was cold and wet from outside.

“Cannae believe it, ye went and asked her to marry ye without me here didn't ye?”

“Don't worry Soap, you'll get your turn. Got something to ask you later as well.”

Something about the fact it was clear they had discussed marriage before made you sob even harder, ugly crying about how happy it all made you.

“Love you bunny, love you Captain.”

You got to watch a few months later when John finally told Johnny about the promotion, all confirmed with the higher ups. You got to cry all over again when John actually did get down on one knee in the summer, proposing properly. Johnny had proposed not 2 days later.

You did have a winter wedding right in your garden. They bound your hands together in a strip of tartan cloth as you declared that this was forever. Gaz got drunk and wound up giving Farah the raunchiest lap dance you had ever seen. Simon deadpanned that it was allergies anytime someone tried to tease him for crying during the ceremony.

John retired from active duty before Christmas as promised. As Johnny kissed you both goodbye and left to go lead his team to save the world once again he only laughed when you flustered horribly at his parting words.

“Mind and get started on those fat bairnies while I'm gone, cannae wait tae meet them.”

[slytherinstories]

Resisting You PT.6

Description: You finally manage to get Mattheo to agree to commitment. Everything is going well until his fears start seeping through and he tries everything to push you away terrified of being loved by someone.

Final part of my first ever mini series! This has been so fun to write and I am definitely going to continue so let me know any requests or thoughts for future stories. I hope you enjoy this last part mainly fluff and a bit of a smut. Make sure to read the other parts first.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You know this journey with Mattheo is not going to be easy but you are willing to be there for him every step of the way. You have never wanted someone this much, never craved someone physical presence like his. For the first time hope soars in your heart at the thought you finally get to have the boy you always envisioned but never truly believed you could have.

You are back to spending the night with him and you wake up to him basically crushing you. His legs are wrapped around yours, his head in your neck and arms in a death grip around your body. You laugh softly causing him to stir groaning into you. ‘Matt we need to get up.’

‘No’ he says like a toddler only cuddling up closer to you like that’s possible. ‘Mattheo I am not being late let me get up!’

‘Mhmmm 5 more minutes.’

You sigh giving up knowing you have no chance of getting him up. You wait playing with his hair in the meantime enjoying the few moments of peace before your busy day starts. You try to lift yourself but fail again due to his heavy weight ‘Mattheo! Up!’ He finally moves so you can go and get ready but he just reaches out his hand for you still half asleep. You go and get ready for the morning in his private bathroom not wanting to brave yours. As you enter his room again you huff seeing him still lying there so you go and drag him up by his arm. This happens every morning unless you physically guide him to the bathroom. You have never met such a deep sleeper. ‘Come on you I need to go to my dorm and get my uniform you best be done when I’m back!’

You rush around fixing your hair and makeup before getting dressed and making your way back to his room. You enter and see him lay on the bed in his uniform but he perks up when you come in. A lazy smile spreads across his face and you walk over standing in between his legs ‘Morning beautiful.’

‘Morning’ you stroke his hair out of his face as he runs his hands up and down your thighs. ‘Why don’t you just start bringing your stuff here instead of going back every morning.’

You raise your eyebrows ‘am I hearing that correctly mr doesn’t do relationships is practically asking me to move into his dorm.’

He rolls his eyes playfully ‘well you are here practically every day you might as well.’ You chuckle ‘I’ll think about it, can’t say I will be thrilled having to wake you up every morning I see why you are always late now.’ He pulls you closer his head resting on your stomach and you know if you leave it a second longer he is going to try pull you into bed. ‘Right come on I want some breakfast.’

You grab his hand and drag him to the great hall. As you enter you look at him smirking cheekily at you and you say ‘what?’ before he looks down at your interlinked hands and you realise. You drop his hand quickly looking around to see who noticed ‘ah ah ah’ he says holding yours again ‘let me them see.’ You smile up at him remembering your conversation, that you don’t have to try and downplay your feelings anymore.

As you walk over to the slytherin table all your friends turn their heads to you a mix of shocked, happy and bewildered facial expressions. ‘Oh the love birds are friends again’ Theo mocks.

‘You two were killing each other last night what the hell happened?’ Pansy asks you. You look over to Mattheo and he just gives you a smirk ‘think that’s best left to your imagination pans.’

‘Eww’ she says scrunching her nose. You laugh at them and explain ‘we had a talk it went well.’

‘So he didn’t kill you or Cormac for that matter?’ Theo always the instigator has to add causing you to roll your eyes. ‘Shut it Theo unless you want me to kill you instead’ he replies which just makes him hold his hands in the air ‘just asking.’

‘I’m guessing you finally tied him down then Y/N’ Blaise smirks. ‘Well we aren’t together just yet he has some making up to do.’

‘Mhm and I plan on it’ he says twirling your hair in his fingers. Draco does a fake gagging noise always being dramatic ‘God I preferred it when you two were arguing im trying to eat here’ which causes the group to laugh.

Mattheo never lets go of you it’s either one hand around your waist, on your thigh and it’s honestly refreshing instead of confining. He reads your mind filling your cup up with apple juice which he somehow knows is your favourite and gets you some pancakes. ‘Thanks’ you say ‘how did you know I wanted them?’

‘You get them every morning love.’ You laugh knowing that’s true but not expecting him to notice so much. As you are eating you see Cormac looking over from his table and a pang of guilt shoots through your heart and you try to put space between you and Mattheo which causes his brows to furrow. He ignores you putting his hand back around your waist but you push him off again. Your eyes dart between him and Cormac realising you never had a chance to tell him about what’s going on. He sees were you are looking and clenches his jaw ‘what you don’t want him to know your mine now? Hoping to string him a long as well are you?’ He says getting instantly defensive.

‘No it’s not like that can you just wait until I have told him it’s not fair.’

‘Do you think I care as he should know your my girl fuck him.’

‘Mattheo I am just going to go over there and speak to him.’

He clenches his jaw clearly wanting to stop you but before he can say anything you climb out of the table and walk over.

‘Hi Cormac’ you say sheepishly as you approach the table. ‘Hey’ he replies a bit bluntly. ‘Do you mind if I just borrow you for a chat it will only take a second.’

He nods and gets up following you out of the great hall ‘So I’m guessing you made your mind up about Mattheo?’ He doesn’t sound too angry thankfully but he does seem a bit deflated.

‘Yeah I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to tell you it all happened so fast but I was definitely going to!’

‘So are you together now?’

‘Not yet but he is going to try the commitment thing I thought it’s only fair to give him a chance I really am sorry Cormac I hope we can still be friends though.’

‘You don’t need to apologise like I said as long as you are happy I just hope he proves me wrong and can treat you well.’

You nod ‘I know it might not seem like it but he really does.’ You smile awkwardly at the silence ‘So friends?’

He contemplates it for a moment and then smiles softly at you ‘sure friends. Is he going to be okay with that though seems a bit territorial to me’ he says nodding his head into the great hall. You sigh looking in to Mattheo shooting daggers at you both ‘He’s just a bit protective is all and either way I can be friends with whoever I want so he will have to be okay with it.’ You both walk back into the hall saying goodbyes and you join the others at the table.

‘How did he take it?’ Pansy asks. ‘Okay to be honest he was sweet about it and just said as long as I am happy.’

‘Good now you don’t have to speak to him again.’ Mattheo says angrily.

You turn furrowing your brows ‘He is still my friend Mattheo.’

He glares at you ‘Like fuck he is he’s clearly still interested in you.’

‘Im not doing this here’ you say embarrassed to be arguing in front of your friends again however this just results in him sulking and sending daggers to Cormac all breakfast. Thankfully you leave for classes and he storms ahead of you.

‘Mattheo!’ You run to catch up with him and he gives you a sidelong glance. ‘Wait we’re are you going?’

‘Go walk with Cormac instead.’

‘For fucks sake’ you grab his hand and pull him into an empty corridor ‘you can’t be angry at me for having friends he’s a nice person if you got to know him!’

He rolls his eyes ‘Mattheo if I wanted him then I would have chose him you know I told him after coffee that I didn’t want to date him. To be honest I talked about you and how much I liked you half the time.’

His gaze shoots to yours his brows furrowed and you nod your head. His lip tugs up clearly fighting smiling but you can see the happiness written over his face. ‘Listen you know I only want you Matt you don’t need to be angry.’

He sighs ‘That doesn’t change how he feels do you think I want someone interested in my girl trying to worm his way in?’

You grab both his hands ‘Even if that’s true which I don’t think it is you just have to trust me. It shouldn’t matter who is interested in me or tries to flirt because you should know I would shut down instantly. It’s always going to be you.’ He searches your gaze for sincerity and you can see his trust issues coming to the surface. You pull him closer wrapping your arms round his neck giving him all the reassurance you can ‘Why would I want anyone else when I have you right here, all I ever wanted?’ You smile softly causing him to mirror your expression. He pulls you in for a kiss and you can see the tension melt away. As he pulls back, your faces still inches apart he says ‘I’ve just never felt like this I’ve never been scared of loosing someone fuck you drive me insane.’

You push some of his hair back ‘your never going to loose me I told you if you try I am all yours.’ He nods his head ‘Now next time you feel like that you can’t have a tantrum and push me away talk to me.’

‘Yeah I know sorry love I just don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time except I wanted to kill Cormac.’

‘You aren’t going to do anything to him are you?’ You have to ask knowing he is notorious for fighting and the last thing you need is him beating up Cormac. He clenches his jaw but then sighs ‘no I won’t but I swear if he gets handsy with you or I see him trying anything…’

‘He won’t I promise he’s actually respectful if you met him you would see.’

‘Fuck that’ he scrunches his nose and you laugh. You know it’s basically impossible for Mattheo to interact with anyone outside your circle, as flirty as he is it’s not easy he trusts people to be friends.

‘Come on then you have probably made me late for potions that’s the last thing I need’

He chuckles and you make your way to the dungeons. The rest of the day passes swiftly with Mattheo being at your side. He can make the most boring lessons seem like fun and you realise how much of a gap he left in your life when you weren’t talking. Now you have all of him not just your friendship but parts you didn’t even think you would get to see.

You are currently sitting in the courtyard with him whilst he smokes lost in a world of your own just watching him mesmerised by every movement. A soft smile graces your mouth at the beautiful boy in front of you. He looks over at you and you can’t even pull your gaze away. He chuckles lightly ‘did you hear me love?’

‘Hmm?’ You ask confused not even hearing what he asked you causing him to laugh again ‘what you thinking of that’s got you so distracted.’

‘Nothing much… just how pretty you are.’

He blushes and looks down laughing softly shaking his head. Mattheo Riddle blushing? He puts his cigarette out and says ‘come here’ putting his arm around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head ‘you’re the pretty one babe.’ You look up at him both of your eyes sparkling. ‘So I said what are you doing tomorrow?’

‘Nothing I don’t think why?’

‘Good be ready for 7 and wear something nice I’m taking you out.’

Your cheeks hurt with how much you are smiling ‘on a date?’

‘Mhm on a date it’s a surprise though so don’t bother asking.’ You giggle and wrap your arms around his waist pulling him in for a hug as he tightens his arm around your shoulders.

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You and Pansy sit in your dorm preparing to get ready for your date. She is finishing your makeup for you wanting to glam yourself up a bit. ‘I just can’t believe you actually done it this is the first date I have ever seen him on.’

‘I can’t to be honest I’m a bit scared though.’

‘What about?’

‘I don’t know this is the first time we do something proper what if he realises he doesn’t really like me or he doesn’t want to date then…’

‘No no no stop yourself there I’m not letting you overthink have you seen him around you he is obsessed!’

You sigh ‘yeah I’m probably just overthinking it I just really want it to work my feelings are just getting stronger.’

‘I’m sure his are though at least you aren’t torturing yourself thinking it’s one sided. And plus if all else fails at least the sex is good.’

You slap her arm playfully giggling ‘a bit too good why didn’t you tell me what I was missing out on!’

‘Excuse me I told you plenty of times it’s not my fault you decided to try with stuck up Josh or Joseph whatever the fuck his name was I doubt he has ever made a girl finish in his life.’ You both burst into hysterical laughter knowing she is right. You chat as she finishes your makeup and you finally get dressed into some tights, a skirt and an off the shoulder sweater something dressy but not too fancy. Pansy leaves your dorm as it nears 7 and you sit there a bundle of nerves in your stomach. You have literally slept with the boy and you are nervous about a date for fucks sake. A knock breaks you out of your trance and you rush over to the door.

You open it to see him stood there with a bouquet of roses your favourite flowers. He looks you up and down shamelessly checking you out ‘fuck you look gorgeous.’ You smile at him ‘hey to you too matty’ causing him to chuckle. He walks into your dorm handing you the flowers and you grab them awing at the size of the bouquet ‘I love them thanks Matt.’

‘Anything for you my girl.’

You put them on the bed and pull him in for a hug. As you pull away he leans in to give you a kiss but you put your hand in front of his mouth causing him to thrown. ‘Don’t ruin my lip gloss I have just put it on!’

He looks at you like you just asked him to murder someone and pulls you in for a deep passionate kiss. You try to protest but melt into his arms the second your lips touch. ‘You think I was going all night without a kiss?’ You pull away and see your dark lipstick smudged all over his face and you throw your head back in laughter ‘Matt it’s all over you I told you!’ He just chuckles as you try wiping it away with your finger but eventually have to resort to a wipe. ‘I’m going to have to fix mine now.’

You go to reapply your lipstick and fix your makeup but he can’t leave you for a second instantly standing behind you in the mirror wrapping his arms around your waist watching you. ‘How did I get this lucky you are so beautiful baby.’

You blush in the mirror and turn around to him ‘so where are we going?’

‘Come on’ he grabs your hand and you start walking making your way out of the castle. You make your way into hogsmeade and he takes you to a restaurant you have never seen before but it certainly looks expensive.

‘It’s beautiful in here!’

‘Your favourite food is Italian right?’

You nod your head ‘I can’t remember telling you that.’

He shrugs ‘I heard you say it once to Pansy, this is the best Italian though you’re going to love it.’

You make your way to your table and sit down opposite him. The room is darkly lit with a red hue and soft jazz music playing in the back. It has a warm but seductive atmosphere. Despite it being busy you have your own table a perfect distance away from everyone with candles shining. You have to force yourself to focus and order because you haven’t been able to stop talking.

‘I was nervous you know Theo had to give me a fucking pep talk.’ Mattheo says causing you to laugh softly. ‘This is all new to me you know im never the one to feel nervous.’

‘Well don’t worry you still seem like your usually cocky self’ you say causing him to smirk. ‘I was as well first dates are scary.’

‘Mhm so is it living up to your expectations?’

‘It is it’s perfect thanks Matt as long as I have you I’m happy.’

‘Have you been on many dates before?’

‘A couple but they never really went anywhere I just didn’t click with them.’

He nods his head ‘Why have you never had a boyfriend before me?’

‘Are you my boyfriend?’ You raise your eyebrows smiling. ‘If you want me to be.’

You pretend to think about ‘ermm no thanks.’ He furrows his brows a look of hurt flashing across his face so you kick him lightly under the table ‘Im joking you idiot.’ He rolls his tongue inside his cheek smiling at the same time ‘you little witch, I’ll get you back for that.’

‘Of course I want you to be my boyfriend Matty I’m glad you’re the first.’

‘And I’m glad you’re my first girlfriend.’ Him saying that sends butterflies through your chest. Your plan was to wait a bit before you made it official but it’s impossible and why not when it’s going so well.

‘To answer your question there’s only one boy I ever liked and he was a dickhead so I am kind of glad nothing happened otherwise you never know nothing might have happened with us.’

‘What happened?’

You swallow hating talking about something so vulnerable and he can see the look so he grabs your hand on top of the table. ‘I really liked him and I lost my virginity to him, I obviously thought it was something more but he was just using me and dropped me after that I was pretty heart broken for awhile it really messed with my head.’

‘Fuck love I had no idea I wouldn’t have…’

You shake your head knowing what he’s about to say seeing the guilt and realisation on his face as he understand why you were originally so triggered by him ‘it’s not your fault, you didn’t know and like I said I’m glad he didn’t like me back or I might have never gotten over it even though he clearly weren’t meant for me.’

He nods his head ‘you didn’t deserve that no one does’ he looks away from you pulling his hand back ‘you know I’m not proud of the way I was with girls I just… it was easier not to feel it was a bit of an addiction really.’

‘We all make mistakes at least you know it weren’t right you probably did hurt a lot of girls.’

He swallows ‘I know and I hate myself for it don’t get me wrong some of them were on the same page as me but I did play that game of leading them on.’

‘Why do you think you done it?’

He shrugs ‘I don’t know I guess… I just never thought it was real that someone could actually like me like it was just easier to just sabotage and push people away.’ You nod again encouraging him to carry on. ‘I never wanted to let myself feel and I obviously tried that with you but it didn’t work. I’m not going to lie it was always different from the start. Obviously I was chasing you and flirting and I didn’t know it at the time but there was always something different about you I craved and not just because I couldn’t have you.’

You smile at him softly and he finally meets your eye a look of vulnerability and sadness in his ‘you were probably just scared it’s understandable I get it but it’s sometimes worth the risk.’

‘Definitely worth the risk to have you I never even thought I would be so lucky… I honestly don’t deserve you love.’

‘You do Matt we might have had a rocky start but you are everything I want and you are so good to me.’

‘I hope so I’ll spend every day proving I’m worthy of you.’ The rest of the night is filled with a mix of deep insightful conversations, flirty moments and laughter. That’s what you love about him that he entices every side of your personality, there was always something missing with others in the past. They were either too serious or too flirty unable to talk about anything beyond surface level. As the night gets on and your drinks start hitting you the air becomes charged with tension at the dark way he is looking at you and trailing his foot up your leg.

‘Should we get out of here then love?’ He asks huskily and you nod your head. He pays the bill and you give him a kiss ‘thanks Matt.’

The walk back to the castle is torture, the conversation clipped and short as you both know what you are thinking about. It doesn’t help that you are cornered in the common room by everyone dying to know the details about the date but you feel too bad to leave so you both sit there for awhile filling everyone in. There’s only so much you can take though before you yawn and whisper ‘can we go up?’ He nods his head and grabs your hand ‘we are going to bed we are both shattered see youse tomorrow.’

You get to his room and by that point you honestly are both tired. You jump on his bed and he climbs over on top of you placing slow kisses down your neck. ‘I had the best time.’

‘Same babe did you like the food?’

‘Loved it we need to go back.’

‘I know I need to take you my favourite restaurant in Rome.’

‘Rome? I’ve never been I’ve always wanted to go Italy.’

‘Sorted then that’s where I’m taking you next.’

You smile at him playing with his curls as he strokes your cheek just looking down at you. The moment is so charged, so intimate you can’t keep the words inside yourself anymore ‘I love you so much Matt.’ He freezes his motion on your cheek staring into your eyes like he is searching for something. ‘You don’t have to say it back I just… I needed to tell you.’

He shakes his head pulling back from you and sitting on the edge of the bed. Your heart drops and you wish you could take the words back. You can’t even move, can’t even speak you just lie there shame and heartbreak consuming you. His hands are in his head and he breathes in ‘you don’t love me.’

‘What?’ You choke out. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about you don’t love me.’ He says it like he is trying to convince himself and confusion fills your head. You finally get up and walk over to him pulling his head away from his hands, cradling his face. ‘Matt I do I…’

He pushes you away and starts pacing around the room shouting now ‘just stop fucking saying it you will realise it sooner or later that you don’t and give up just stop messing with my head you couldn’t love someone like me.’

‘Mattheo’ you voice cracks nearly on the verge of tears, part of you wanting to console him but the other part afraid if he pushes you away. ‘I don’t know what I was fucking thinking you will realise sooner or later you don’t want me.’

‘That’s not going to happen just listen to me!’

‘Go on then tell me what do you love about me?’ He says getting close to your face scaring you a bit now with his anger. At this point tears are running down your face and there is no use in fighting them. ‘Everything I… I love how kind you are to the people you love, how loyal and protective, how you have the biggest heart. I love how you can make laugh no matter what mood I am in, how happy you make me. Just you Matt I’ve never felt like this…’

‘I’ll just hurt you it’s who I am I’m not someone that should be fucking loved.’

‘Yes you are stop thinking you are unloveable why do you think that?’

He lets out a dark laugh saying sarcastically ‘when you treated your whole life like you are love you tend to believe it.’

‘Mattheo you aren’t the person you think I see you and I don’t know who told you that but they are stupid, look at your friends look at me isn’t it clear we love you.’

He rolls his eyes ‘that’s different they just tolerate me because they have to no one really gives a fuck…’

‘Stop it!’ You shout ‘how can you believe that? Don’t try and fucking tell me what my feelings are!’

He clenches his jaw breathing heavily and you notice a tear roll down his cheek whilst his face remains stoic. You walk over cradling his head in your hands wiping it away ‘listen to me now’ you say sternly knowing it’s the only way he is going to listen ‘I don’t give a fuck what you say, I don’t care how much you try and push me away I’m not leaving this room until you believe me. I love you and I will for the rest of my life Mattheo.’ He looks at you and your heart splits in two at the pain in his eyes. You pull him in for a hug wrapping your arms around him and he stands there for a couple of seconds not hugging you back until you eventually feel his hands sneak around your waist and his head in your neck. He makes it deeper clinging onto you for what feels like an eternity.

You finally pull away and look at him ‘I know it’s scary but my feelings aren’t going anywhere okay I know exactly who you are and still love you for it. Nothing you do is driving me away now.’

His lips clash against yours as he pulls you in for a kiss, his pain and desperation being conveyed without words needed. He pulls back eyes locked on yours ‘you love me?’ You nod your head ‘I love you.’ He sighs and kisses you deeply again like he is finally letting it become a reality. ‘I never thought… I don’t know I thought it was just a stupid crush for you that you would realise you wanted someone better soon enough.’ You shake your head ‘I’ve told you you’re all I want you must be blind Matt if you can’t see how I feel.’ He lets out a little laugh ‘I must be.’

He picks you carrying you back to bed and even though you are both tired you need this, you need to be merged with him. It’s slow and sensual, full of emotion and you have never felt closer to him not just physically. It’s like the wall keeping you safe on each side of your own comfort zones has shattered pulling you together to confront the enormity of your feelings. You feel the change in him, the openness and his defences slowly lowering one by one. He doesn’t even need to say anything you can feel it just by the way he touches you but he does anyway.

‘I love you, I’m so in love with you it hurts’ he mutters into your mouth whilst slowly driving himself into you. You want to cry out of relief, never expecting him to say those words to you. ‘I don’t deserve you, you’re so fucking amazing.’

‘I love you Matty.’

‘Say it again.’

‘I love you, I love you, I…oh fuck’ your back arches and you claw his as your orgasm shoots through your body. He groans into your neck moaning himself as he finishes. When he pulls out he doesn’t move just rests his head on your chest lying in between your legs as you both lay there breathing. You stroke his hair loving seeing him in this vulnerable position. He eventually speaks ‘I’m going to have to move before I get hard again’ which causes you to laugh and he smiles down at you. ‘Do you really love me?’

‘More then you will ever know baby.’

You beam up at him ‘I still love you more’ you smirk. ‘That’s not possible’ he chuckles laying his head next to yours.

‘Are you okay now I hated seeing you like that.’

He nods his head sighing ‘I’m sorry for upsetting you I told you I would try and ruin things I just didn’t think it was possible from someone like you.’

‘Someone like me?’

‘I fucking worship the ground you walk on love I don’t know what on earth you see in me but I’ll be forever grateful.’

‘I wish you could see yourself as I do.’

He strokes your cheek ‘maybe one day I will.’ You fall asleep wrapped in each others arms, a wave of contentment going through your body knowing you have found your home by being with him.

Mattheo drifts off his heart bursting with energy, so new to these feelings yet slowly getting addicted to the way you make him feel. For so long he has lived with his childhood and the lack of love from his parents defining him. He has lived so long from a misconstrued identity that the thought anyone would dare the impossible task of loving him wasn’t even in his mind. He had settled a long time ago with the idea he would always be lonely, that no one would ever want the full truth of who he is. Then you came in and shattered the comfortable but lonely life he was used to, showing him a world where he can have more, a girl that loves him back. Not just any girl but one he fucking adored with his whole heart ever since he met her. It’s the scariest thing he has ever faced but he would do it a million times over as long as he gets to hold you in his arms for the rest of his life.

[middlingmay]

“Let me get this straight: You’re calling me at 3 am, disrupting my beauty sleep on a workday, to ask me out?" - for Buck and Bucky please!

Hello Anon!

Thanks for the request - this one was so fun to write. I hope you like it :)

They’d settled near each other, after the war.

On that Florida air strip, where Wisconsin lay one way and Wyoming another, it had taken root inside Gale: the life ahead of him with patient, wonderful Marge, who no man could ever deserve, had stopped driving him on, compared to the life behind him with John.

When Gale had turned up on John’s doorstep, all his bags in hand and asking if he knew of any rooms to rent in town, he’d gotten to enjoy the sight of Major John Clarence Egan speechless for the first time in his life.

Gale had achieved what the combined forces of the US military, countless missions, German fighter pilots and a POW camp could not.

John had tried to offer him a room at his house, but Gale refused. It would have been easy, so easy to say yes and slip unspoken into this something between them. But Gale was sick of it being unspoken. He wanted to do it right this time.

In the days following his arrival, they found Gale a place to live, and like John, he found himself a little part time job to keep him busy and keep him from plundering his savings from his military salary, which remained largely untouched and offered a pretty little nest egg should he ever need it. (But not for the little apartment he and John found for him; that was hopefully only temporary.)

In the weeks following his arrival, they spent time together doing up the parts of John’s house that had gone without care for a little too long, and making Gale’s apartment feel a little more like a home. They went to eat in restaurants and John showed Gale his favourite haunts (not all of them bars, he was pleasantly surprised to see). They drove and walked around, perfectly aimless for once in their lives.

But none of it, Gale thought, could have been constituted as a date. And Gale did so want to date John. He wanted to take him out and make him feel special and walk him to his door at the end of the night and see if he could be lucky enough to steal a kiss.

He just had to ask him. Because apparently John was a gentleman, following this thing at Buck’s pace.

Gale had almost asked him that first day he’d turned up tired and hungry and John had taken care of him like it was the easiest thing in the world.

He’d almost asked him when John had dragged a heavy second-hand bookshelf up a flight of stairs to Gale’s apartment because he knew how Gale loved books and cleanliness in equal measure.

He almost asked him when Gale had a bad day and a worse evening, and John had steered them passed all the bars, up to Gale’s apartment, settled him with a poorly-made tea, and read to him from a physics book where he mispronounced half the words (Gale thought at least half must have been on purpose).

And now Gale was lying awake at some ungodly hour because he almost asked him.

Gale had been a cocksure pilot; one of the best, him and John. He had led squadrons of men in war, kept his guys together in a POW camp for a year and a half. He knew himself and what he was about. But here he was, flaking out, being a coward - a whole big pile of chicken shit - over John, who'd never made him feel anything but brave.

What kinda man was he?

Gale threw back the covers and hauled himself out of bed.

He was Major Gale W Cleven—Buck—goddamn it, and he could do this.

One of the selling points of his apartment had been its own private line. He padded out to the tiny lounge and picked up the phone and dialled the number he knew off by heart by now.

*

They were finally flying home, he and Buck. Just like he promised.

Gale grinned at him from the left. It was that grin he tried to hide sometimes, the one that showed off the apples of his cheeks and couldn't disguise his soft eyes when he looked at John.

When they both turned eyes front to enjoy the clear blue skies together that would take them home, Bucky saw them. The white far-off pinstripes of a hoard of incoming German fighters. But they were still a way off; they still had time. Buck still had time.

“Bail out, Buck!” They were so close to going home, he wasn’t risking Buck now.

But Gale just smiled at him. “Since when have you backed down from a challenge, Jon?”

The Germans were nearly on them.

“Gale! Go—get out! I’ll cover—!”

Gale petted the yoke unhurried. “Easy, Bucky. We’re safe as houses up here. Last two pilots left in the sky, just like you said.”

The Germans opened fire with a shrill ringing, ringing, ringing—

John bolted up in bed, chest heaving and heart beating hard and fast.

The phone was ringing.

He collapsed back onto the sheets. “Fuck.”

He almost let the phone ring out. It was fuck-knows-when in the morning. But then he remembered the very exclusive list of people who actually had his number, and he felt like he was jolting out of a nightmare all over again as he scrambled to catch it before it ringing stopped.

Buck. Buck might need him.

In the hallway, he snatched up the phone as soon as his fingertips grazed the smooth dark plastic. “H-hello?”

Whoever was on the other end was lucky to hear his voice over the thundering of his heart.

“It’s me, John.”

Buck. He knew it. “What is it?” He asked blunt and panicked. “What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’! Nothin’ John, I swear.” Buck exhaled slow. “Uh, I uh, god. I’m sorry; I wasn’t thinking.”

Sheepish. Buck sounded sheepish. He could work with sheepish. It wasn’t frightened, afraid.

“It’s fine, Buck,” he said. Heart finally getting under control. “C’mon, it’s fine. What’s on your mind?”

“I just, um. I was wonderin’. You promised me a baseball game. I was wonderin’ if I could take ya.”

Bucky frowned. Much as he was warmed by Gale remembering a promise he made what felt like a lifetime ago; and as much as something inside tingled and sparked at Gale asking him to one, he did wonder if Gale hadn't woken up from the same kinda dream as him. The kind that made it hard to fall back asleep and left you reaching for distractions.

But still, like hell he was going to pass up this kind of opportunity. “Well—well, yeah, Buck, of course. I'll take you to a game. “

“No.” Gale blurted too loud down the line. “No, I wanna take you. Like a…”

That tingling and sparking thing caught and used up John’s body like tinder. “Let me get this straight,” he sad faintly and cast a look at the hallway clock finally. “You’re calling me at three am, disrupting my beauty sleep on a work day, to ask me out?”

Maybe Gale’s blood was pounding as furiously as John’s, because that was the only reason he couldn’t have heard the delighted, tremulous, terrified disbelief in John’s voice.

Instead, Gale rushed out over the line, “No, no. I know. It was—God, I’m sorry, John. Go back to sleep. It was stupid—just—goodnight.”

John was left calling the dial tone Buck.

Stupid, Buck had said. Well, John felt everything he had ever wanted at his fingertips. If Buck wanted stupid, he would give him stupid.

It wasn’t far from John’s house to town, so he didn’t bother with a coat. He simply shoved a sweater over his undershirt and some boots on his feet and took off running.

By the time he got to Gale’s apartment building, the cool night had turned to fog, to a gentle spray, to a light rain. The thin pajama pants he wore started to stick, and his curls caught droplets of dewy moisture and sprinkled them on his face and neck.

He unlocked the door to the building with the key Gale had cut for him and headed straight for 1B. He knocked once and Gale didn’t answer within three seconds, so he let himself in the apartment, too.

The lights were out and Bucky headed for the bedroom, figuring Gale had gone back to bed to try and get some sleep. The curtains were thin and some strains of the street lights lit the room a little. John saw Gale, his back shoved against the wall, all bundled up like they’d never been able to do at the stalag.

He got close and gently shook his shoulder. “Buck. Buck.”

Gale woke quick and was upright in a second, eyes alert but mouth full and puffed up in sleep. “John? What’s wrong?”

Gale tried to get up out of bed but John pushed him back down. “S’okay. All good, Buck.”

“What are you doing here? It’s—”

“’Bout 3.20am. You never let me answer. On the phone.”

Gale cleared his throat and looked at his covers like they were some new textbook that demanded all of his attention. John smiled small and cheeky out of Buck’s sight and reached out to pluck up a strip of covers with his fingers to tease the material out of Buck’s grasp.

“Yes,” John whispered, smug and happy. “Obviously you can take me on a date.” He sat on the edge of Gale’s bed who now looked at him eyes wide and full of wonder. “But I want the whole nine yards: good seats, hot dogs, you desperately trying to follow along—the whole shebang.”

Gale smiled that same apple-cheeked smile from John’s dream. “You come all the way here in the rain to say yes to a question I chickened outta askin’?”

“Mhm,” John agreed cheerfully.

Gale laughed and collapsed back onto his bed. Only John’s damp clothes and the crumb of decorum he had left stopped him from collapsoing down with him.

“Thank you, John. I would love to take you out.”

“’Kay,” John said softly biting on his lip before collecting himself before it was too late. He stood up and slapped his hands on his thighs. “Well, g’night Buck. Sleep tight.”

He turned on his heels to make from the room and Gale called after him.

“John!”

John spun round, hand on the door jam. Gale looked at him, exasperated and fond.

“It is 3.30 in the morning. It’s rainin’. You can stay till morning.”

John shook his head, droplets spattering the wall. “You gotta wait for that, Buck. Your girl isn’t easy.”

Gale gave an amused huff and leaned his head back against the wall, before John’s words took root. He sat up at the gall of of the man and yelled through the open door. “Since when?!”

He heard John’s laugh even as the front door to his apartment swung closed.

[rainbowchaox]

Purgatory Pissa Masterpost Part 1:

Look guys Missa hasn’t streamed again since day 1 of the event! So I was thinking to make it easier for artists and fic writers to remember canon moments. And I am HAVING thoughts. And feeling the need to yet again be “normal” about my favorite cubitos.

Let’s be honest. Philza was so happy to see Missa was online it was adorable. In Philza POV he practically started the zooming into Missa from the top of the wall. HUSBAND SPOTTED! And the amount of joy between them seeing each other again! THEY MISSED EACH OTHER SO MUCH!!!

Then Missa! Finally got a little brave and practically demanded Philza to give him a HUG. And guys I squealed watching it live. And philza immediately GAVE his husband a hug. And then tubbo immediately was like “are you guys gonna kiss and shit?” And PHILZA broke. Like HMMM why you hesitating why the confusion. Like DO YOU WANNA KISS HIM YOU REPRESSED CROW-

Then we also have to talk about THAT scene. The scene where quite frankly Missa just stared at his husband pecs as Philza canonically flexed- causing Philza to quickly get shy. Missa is so down bad that even I was like “MISSA PLEASE!”. This is the same man in the same stream where he legit called a painting of Philza “papacito” which I learned is like the Spanish version of “daddy”. Which Missa was very judged by his own chat for. It was hilarious. Cubito Missa was a different breed of simping and yearning this stream. I wish I made all of this up, but nope IT HAPPENED CANONICALLY. AND THEY EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL?!?

But what everyone should focus on the most is when cucurocho said quesadilla island was a paradise. Mr Simpfonia himself immediately agreed because and I quote “Philza is here”. THIS IS BIG! Because EVEN Missa knows the island is horrible. Chayanne is gone for Void Sakes. BUT ITS PARADISE TO MISSA BECAUSE HE LOVES PHILZA- I’m so normal about this dudes. Because even spiderbit can’t say the island is paradise because they met each other on the island, but Missa casually says it like it didn’t rewrite pissa warriors brain chemistry. Something something Philza is comfort and safety to Missa. He loves Philza so much. Truly a bleeding heart with loyalty so strong it’s titanium.

And can we all talk about how Philza when they were separated waved goodbye to Missa when Missa back was turned? Philza doesn’t show affection through words. But by actions. Something something he is already missing Missa. The tsundere crow. JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE HIM-

Also Missa before all of this showing off his aquarium apartment. And casually says “The point is so Philza doesn’t notice so we can stay close to him” BITCH ITS PHILZA AND MISSA FOR A REASON! Did you forget the double bed?!?!!!? Pissa love each other so much it’s slowly becoming a obsession. Not to mention mISSA in general hauntings Philza thoughts (dude checked the map to see Missa when he died-) we get it Philza you love him and are sad you got spilt up. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU NEVER GET TO SEE YOU HUSBAND AND MISS HIM-

Another great moment is when Missa heard his own team mates saw Philza and immediately was possessive and protective DESPITE THEM ACTUALLY BEING ON ENEMY SIDES was like “No don’t hurt my man”. Missa wants his husband to be safe. And nice to know his possessive streak is healthy as ever. Philza is HIS man. I swear Missa we get it- YOU LOVE HIM. THEY MAKE ME CRAZY. And guys it was a experience watching Missa POV. Because he was ignoring all the death and chaos in the chat BUT the moment when Missa saw Philza die his whole face changed expressions. Philza was the only death he reacted too I ain’t lying.

Now for the best part of the stream, Missa causally entered the VC of red team. And I quote “I’m not part of your team but I wanna tell you I love you guys”. PHILZA IMMEDIATELY SAID I LOVE YOU BACK. Of course everyone else was suspicious of Missa being so nice and called him a manipulator while Philza immediately was like “No he wouldn’t do that”. PHILZA TRUSTS MISSA SO MUCH-

LIKE WE UNDERSTAND! You guys are always on each other minds. We were fed so much! And I can’t wait to see what other cute pissa moments we get in the future- I hope you enjoyed my rambling essay. I feel like there should be a masterpost of pissa moments in case anyone needed a refresher! Will make Part 2 once we get more cute pissa moments!

[reveluving]

see you on thursday ; jeff sadecki x reader

summary: the future starts to seem brighter when Jeff reunites with a familiar face in front of the therapy clinic. 

warnings: bits of angst ; infidelity (teen!Jeff, not on reader), Shauna slander (sorry but it’s a habit at this point kdlsjsdl), your issue is unspecified in therapy (besides the plane crash), self-deprecating humour, Jeff's a little ashamed about therapy but you talk him through it. all in all, loads of fluff! 🩷

a/n: based on this ask because who am I to say no to this handsome? can't thank you enough for sharing with me this lil' idea and I hope to see more!! 💋 don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» fancy reading another Jeff fic? check out the m.list!

'But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.' ;

Jeff was the first to see you, and the second he recognized who you are, he immediately turned around, standing awkwardly in hopes that the girl he truly had a good relationship with back in high school didn't see him like this; from a well-off charmer to nothing more than a newly divorced man who has been seeking therapy for a few months or so.

Surely, that wasn’t her, right?

“Jeff?” His stomach flipped, cursing his luck. 

“(Y/N), hey,” He mentally facepalmed, embarrassed for eagerly greeting her even before his eyes landed on her, “Surprised to see you here.” 

“You're telling me,” You grinned, “You just finished your session today?”

“Yeah… You?” 

“Just got here,” You cocked your head in the direction of the entrance, “Running a little late, though. But it’s really nice seeing you. See you around!”

“Yeah, yeah, see you around.” His voice fell to a whisper by the time you entered the building. It all happened so fast, not a second was offered for him to just… digest whatever just happened.

You saw each other again a week later, greeting each other in a rush once again as it was Jeff who was running late to his session. By the time you bumped into each other again the third time, you realized your sessions aligned. 

Every Thursday, with Jeff's usually an hour before yours.

You had different therapists, though, with Jeff's specializing in his past mistakes and yours highlighting the uncertainties for your future. 

The first month of your reunion was nothing more than a quick chat in the waiting room or by the smoking area outside the clinic, with none of you dared to ask about the other's issue—the immediate sign of trust and comfort. 

Mustering the sheer courage to ask you out for coffee at a nearby café was hard, asking a particular question was harder, largely because he wanted to word it right. 

“You weren't like, scared?” He approached the topic ever so slowly upon questioning your decision to try therapy.

“I'd be lying if I said I wasn't,” You shrugged, swirling your cup, “Trust me, it took me a while. But I wasn't really getting somewhere, just thinking about it. I mean, having nightmares about being in a plane crash is one thing, who's to say there won't be a crazier, more traumatising thing than that in the future?”

He chuckled—he learned you had a knack for lightening up the mood for a topic you were still recovering from. 

But he also wanted to know one more thing. An embarrassing thought, but like you said; he wouldn't be going anywhere if he didn't at least voice it out.

“And you don't think it's a little weird to see me going to one? And me looking like this?” He motioned to himself from head to toe with a quirk of his brow. He didn't mean it in an egotistical way, not by any means. But he'd be lying to both you and himself to say he wanted to flee when he saw you after over a decade. 

“To be honest, I was kinda surprised you even recognized me at the centre.” He continued, the corner of his lips quirking half-heartedly.

“Jeff,” You said his name with a chuckle, and boy, was it the sweetest sound he had ever heard, “It’s the 21st century. If anything, I think you’re real brave for…” You motioned your hands around, hoping to find the right words, “Y’know, breaking the norm. Putting your fear and ego aside for potentially positive life-changing advice. And besides, I can’t forget a cute face.” 

Oh.

Ever since the bashful look growing on his face as he stared into his drink, you made it a point to compliment him often. Each is as genuine as the last. 

“Hey, we're scared of things we might not be aware of. Scared of making mistakes, whether we've done it before or not. But at least we know we're going through some shit. If anything, I'm a little more confident going to therapy, knowing that a familiar face is going there, too,” It was impossible not to mirror the smile on your face, albeit, yours more comforting than his, “We'll get through it. Together.” 

You meant it platonically. 

He knew that you meant it platonically. 

And yet, none of you could help it. 

It took a while to make your feelings explicitly known to each other, largely because both of you wanted to be better before taking the big leap. 

Your first true date, funnily enough, wasn't at your usual café. Much less of the milky coffee he'd get or the watered-down iced drink you'd opt for. Rather, he brought you to a quaint diner he had frequented during the last few months of his crumbling marriage with Shauna.

“Sorry about your divorce.” Somehow, Shauna became the subject in hand, but not in an awkward way.

“You didn’t even like her.” His tone wasn't accusatory but more so a lighthearted fact, paired with a knowing smile. 

“You’re right, I didn’t,” You responded with little to zero regrets, and so was the look on your face, “But you did. Love ain't easy to brush off.”

You were truthful yet considerate, if that made sense.

He knew that someday, the diner would play a big part in his life, even after he became a bachelor. It was one of the places he sought after if the house felt too stuffy, too awkward to be even in the same building as his ex-wife. Too many thoughts about her disloyalty, and soon enough, his own when he was a teen. 

He wants to be better. He always has since he and Shauna became a thing, when he became a husband, and he held onto that hope for too long, even when he saw that the relationship was hanging onto a thread. 

It was bound to happen. It was karma. It was the universe coming back to bite him in the ass, and he accepted it.

But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.

And he will, as he always has for years.

With the weekend rolling around, he didn't have to worry about closing his store in a rush to head over to your place. Not once has he ever come over empty-handed, especially with takeouts that would leave you with leftovers for the morning after. 

This time, he found you just about to carry a big box. 

“Whoop, whoop, hey. Hang on,” He tried to get your attention, picking up the pace without the risk of dropping the sets of lunch he had bought, “Let me get that for you.” 

“I can handle it.” You reassured, hands still holding the box but not lifted just yet.

“Nope. I'm not moving until you put it down.” He was dead set on helping you, standing in the middle of the walkway with a supposedly serious look. Still, you giggled—if he had dog ears, they would've definitely drooped. 

You fondly rolled your eyes, “Okay, okay. At least let me hold the food?” 

He relented, knowing he couldn't say no with the way you fluttered your lashes at him. He passed the bag of food to you so he could easily carry the box, but not before making a show by puffing his chest to hear your irresistible laugh.

As if that wasn't enough to make his heart flutter, you pressed your lips against his cheek, pulling back with a little ‘smooch’. A flush of embarrassment rose to his cheeks, and before he even realized it, a goofy smile made its way to his face.

“Thank you. One of these days, I'll make it up for your chivalry.” 

“I mean,” He was almost too shy to meet your gaze. Almost, “I won't say no to your kisses. They're kinda nice” 

He wanted to sound as nonchalant as possible, but he wasn't fooling anybody, and it showed when you playfully pouted. 

“Just ‘kinda nice’?” 

He huffed in amusement, and he didn't let himself mull over his own doubts when he quickly pecked your cheek, breaking away just as quickly before you could even enjoy his soft lips. 

“They're very nice.” He corrected, more confident and relaxed than before.

You weren't certain how long you'd been staring into each other’s eyes before you responded.

“Good, because I enjoy your pretty little kisses, too,” The stiffness in his shoulders had visibly eased. There was no way you could stop yourself from planting another one, this time, tiptoeing to kiss the tip of his nose. 

“Plus,” You turned around, heading to the door while speaking over your shoulders, “I have plenty.”

That seemed to have snapped him out of his moment of enjoyment, though the grin that you loved remained. He immediately jogged up to you when you held the door for him. 

Only to catch you by surprise by stealing another kiss before casually walking off to your living room with the box.

“I'm putting this on the table!” 

You were elated to hear the excitement in his voice. An indication that whatever you and Jeff were having from this moment on…

Was just the beginning.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

Bonus:

If you're like me who's obsessed with aquariums, then I come bearing an extra!

Though your home was a lot smaller than Jeff’s, be it a one-storey house or a high-rise, it was also full of life. Thoughts and time were made into your decision-making in your decorations, not only to make your sanctuary pleasing to the eye but also, well, a sanctuary. A place where you sought comfort and safety. There has never been a day where he’s greeted with an environment of eerie silence; a funky jazz song played at low volume, random news playing on the TV, or just you humming a tune—an indication of a good day—there’s always a sign in your home that practically said; ‘this house breathes life’.

But after a rare busy day at the furniture store, he comes over at night. 

With the extra key you gave him, he opens the door. No TV, no radio, not even a hum. But you did call him over from the living room.

“In here!” Blue light illuminates from said room, and Jeff’s come over long enough to know it wasn’t any of your usual lamps, and paired with the sounds of water continuously running, he had a hunch of what it was. 

Still, nothing could’ve prepared for the sight before him.

He has seen your reef tank plenty of times, shallow and at a length that was almost half the size of the room, placed against the wall and away from the window. Granted, he’s only seen during the daytime, so he had never gotten the chance to enjoy the beauty of it at night. Plus, you had talked about how the tank, minus the fish, could survive with light and plankton alone, but you just liked to put some effort into something you loved.

Like today.

The corals and reefs were almost neon under the singular blue light—the only source of light at that moment. The gobies and harlequin shrimps seemed more active than what he was used to, especially with you feeding the ecosystem coral food with a turkey baster. Poised and calculated, no doubt this wasn’t your first rodeo.

“Hey,” You glanced up at him, eyes brighter and lit up under the unnatural light, “I’m almost done. We can eat in a bit if you don’t mind. Turn the TV on, if you want.”

He didn’t. He didn’t even glance at the remote, too focused on the lively set of life, all in the good hands of the person he couldn’t keep his eyes off of, such as now.

“Wanna help me out?” He blinked, too entranced that he didn’t even notice your head tilting up at him, and with a look like that, how could he say no?

He was extra careful, dipping the end of the baster close to a coral, the palythoas, only to express his amazement as the mouths began to close, capturing its food the way Venus flytraps would. The gobies, too, approached little by little, eager to be fed by the gentle stranger. You were glad that you weren’t even halfway into the feeding before he arrived, enjoying how happy he was to do honours.

The small space between the two of you grew little by little before there was none. Shoulder to shoulder before the two of you practically stayed glued to one another, watching over the ecosystem and pointing at almost anything and everything that was remotely happening in the tank. None of you were even sure when Jeff had his arms wrapped around you after they were all well-fed, but what both of you did know was that you stayed in each other’s arms for a long time.

a/n: they are so fucking cute together that I hate them.

a/n ii: don't let this puppy dog-eyed man fool you. you know damn well he's a freak in bed. we've seen it ;; gorgeous rose divider by @firefly-graphics ♡

[ao3cassandraic]

What does Aziraphale know, and when does he know it? Prologue

This is a sequel to, and expansion of, several metas of mine:

Aziraphale is wise to the Metatron's game

because the Metatron overplayed his hand

so Aziraphale is covertly, kayfabe-ly begging for Crowley's help in the final scene.

You might also want to read my kayfabe post as background for this one.

I'm no longer as sold on the body-swap theory as I was (though if it turns out to be true, I'm fine with it). I still am pretty convinced that any analysis of The Final Fifteen Minutes predicated on "Aziraphale is 100% down with the Metatron's proposal!" or "Aziraphale's super-happy about being Heaven's Number Two and bringing Crowley back to be Number Three!" is not quite right.

(Oh shit. Number Two. The Prisoner. Yikes.)

Fortunately, one part of The Final Fifteen Minutes seems clear to me: Crowley's wholly on the level. That beautiful brave head-over-heels snake is giving his naked bruised heart in its entirety to his angel. He has dropped kayfabe, dropped the breakfast-at-the-Ritz posturing, broken through his reticence. He's all in. (Yeah, the "run away" solution is suboptimal, as many other metas point out, but it's what he has.)

Now, Aziraphale. Aziraphale has some specific behaviors that indicate he's happy, or pleased with an outcome:

He giggles (as while pulling Crowley into the dance).

He shoulder-shimmies. Sometimes he twists his whole body back and forth from the knees up (this has a bit of a roguish feel to it).

He tosses around words like "nice" and "good" and "kind" freely (often to Crowley's kayfabe-inflected dismay).

He does this little bent-arm swing with loosely-closed fists at shoulder level or above (as when he's telling Hamlet to buck up in s1, or exulting at their half-miracle in s2). In general his body is quite relaxed.

His smiles may be entirely open (watch Sheen's eyes as well as his mouth -- if his eyes are wide open while he's smiling, Aziraphale's happy), or they may be crinkle-eyed closed-mouth sometimes-even-tilted-head "awwww" smiles (as at Mary in s1, or Muriel or Crowley in s2), or they may be self-satisfied smirks. I think we can agree that these smiles are very different from the tense, guarded, eyes-not-involved, closed-mouth or too-toothy kayfabe smiles he gives when he's going-along-to-get-along with the archangels, in either season.

Similarly, when Aziraphale's dismayed or anxious, his body language communicates it, typically by tensing up. One of the commonest indicators is both his hands raised to around chest level, pushing out. Another common indicator, of course, is kayfabe-style suppression of movement -- the other angels control their body language quite strictly (though s1!Gabriel lets his face go a bit), so Aziraphale tries to as well when he's with them. He also overcontrols his body when he's irked (as when he sets up to watch Crowley's Apology Dance).

With that said, what I want to do is walk through Aziraphale's experience of The Final Fifteen Minutes from Aziraphale's chronological point of view (which isn't exactly what we see in the show). I want to look specifically at:

what Aziraphale learns, moment by moment

what his face and body are communicating about what he's feeling

what his words are and aren't saying

more speculatively, what he doesn't know that he might like to know

still more speculatively, what his plans might be, moment-to-moment

Because all this together, I think, gives us firmer ground to meta-speculate with than we seem to have managed thus far.

We'll start with Part 1.

[fleetingcalypso]

I am very sorry to bother you, but a very sweet prompt fleeted into my mind as I prepared myself to come out to my parents, and I'd thought I'd share it in the sheer hope you'd read it, enjoy the thought and perhaps write something based on it, if you're comfortable.

Just imagine, you're very close to Sirius Black (you can choose to which degree, platonically, romantically, interested but not together yet, preferably the last because hehe). You've known for a while you were transgender (FtM) but never had the strength to come out, fearing rejection and alienation from the friend group. Just a sweet little comfort fic because I'm anxious as fuck.

≋ What you're doing is extremely brave, I'm so very proud of you. I wish you the best, friend. Know that whatever goes down, you'll never be judged or rejected here. I'll pray your coming out will be met with love and affection.

≋ Sirius Black x TransMasc!Reader ≋

≋ Word Count: 2285 words.

≋TW: Dysphoria, Misgendering (not done by Sirius)

Hogwarts seemed intimidating, more than anything. Eleven year old me, sitting in that train, chewing my nails and staring out at the moving scenery, had not the slightest idea that finding friends would be as easy as breathing. At least it is when four troublemakers decide to adopt you into their friend group, barely a week after classes started.

‘The marauders’ they’d call themselves, not so slowly becoming every professor’s nightmare.

They each had something that made them so intriguing. The four of them were attached at the hip, and with me being dragged into their pranks and escapades things only got more entertaining. Even as my house was far away from the castle we studied at, every day I got to spend with them made it feel like I was home, with their jokes and their being able to light up a dull moment with only a couple of words. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter welcomed me in, as one of them.

In the midst of my lowest moments I wondered, would they still accept me if I let my walls down? I sprinkled seeds of the truth here and there: I cut my hair short, I opted for pants instead of the usual skirt, I was at my happiest during winter - when finally I could show off the baggiest of sweaters to conceal the appendages on my chest. It’s not purely a physical discomfort, though. It’s in the little things, small seemingly meaningless moments that no one appears to notice but me. 

People perceive me differently based on how I move even the tiniest of muscles, it is painfully obvious. The boys have never done it, not once, they’ve always treated me as one of them. Never has one of them implied me being weaker, more delicate or called me ‘sweetheart’ in that obnoxious way lots of people do when they’re trying to put me back in my place.

 My head constantly feels underwater with the knowledge that if I were to sit wrong I’d be labeled as a girl, if I walk in a specific way it’ll put attention on my hips, even just standing, unmoving, gives me anxiety. The most insignificant of movements could shoot down the image of me that I want people to see whenever they lay eyes on me.

I feared the worst each time I let my mind tug me into a daydream. Deep down I knew, they’d never turn their back on a friend, but fear nipped at my heels every day. Not only was I hiding who I was from them, but I was lying to their faces about it as well. What hurt me the most, though, was not being able to admit my identity to Sirius.

Sirius Orion Black, he’s been the one that made sure I felt safe around him and the lads. More than once I caught myself being entranced by his words as he let the rest of us know what a nightmare his family life was. He was the total opposite of what his mother wanted him to be, yet that didn’t stop him from being his pure unfiltered self, if anything he enhanced each trait she found disgusting. Sirius wasn’t scared to be his true self, even if it meant going against his blood.

It sparked something in me. My heart has been his, for a long time now.

Sirius, with his raven locks, smooth skin and ever present smirk on his face is the one and only subject of all my dreams. He constantly looks as though he knows everyone’s secrets. The thought makes my stomach twist. When I awake, with the moon still high up in the sky, I almost turn to the pillow beside me, to take a peek at him, they’re that realistic. 

At any rate, if there’s someone that I feel should be the one to know the true me, it is him. I contemplated asking all four of them to meet me, but I don’t think I could rip the bandaid that easily. I want to talk to the one who knows -somewhat- how it feels to have expectations placed on oneself, the one who knows that being someone you’re not is more painful than the Crucio curse itself. Of course our situations are oceans apart: he doesn’t deal with having the need to hide certain parts of my body, or with the numerous wailing moments caused by being born in the wrong body, but I think he'd be the first one to accept me.

I had a whole speech prepared, a letter pages and pages long that I was going to give him, so he could read it without my presence, but as I hear his footsteps approaching me, I can imagine him already. His wand resting behind his ear and tie loosened, hands comfortably and nonchalantly situated in the pockets of his jeans with his luscious hair possibly styled into a bun.

“You’ve been rather gloomy lately, mate.” His foot taps my leg, before he lowers himself to sit next to me. We’ve always enjoyed sitting in the astronomy tower together, in the short span of time between a prank or two. Here, we don’t have to worry about being something else, we’re just humans admiring the stars. In hindsight, I should have figured out he knew I’d be hiding out here, as for my ‘being gloomy’, well, I thought I’d done a good job pretending. Apparently not. It makes me wonder if he’s seen through all of my white lies.

“You know how it is, life is hard.” I turn to him, expecting a silly joke like ‘Life is hard, but I’m harder’, something stupid to cheer me up as he usually does, but said joke never makes it into reality. He’s not even smiling, his lip is caught between his teeth in a clearly troubled look, it doesn’t suit him. No trace of a bun holding his luscious hair in place, what a shame.

“Are you okay though?” He whispers, even if we are the only beating hearts in the room and the sincerity in his voice almost brings me to tears. “I mean it when I say you haven’t been yourself lately.” I haven’t fully been myself for ages, but he doesn’t know that. Of course he doesn’t. I’ve been everything but myself. Oh, how many times have I hoped I could just rip my chest apart and rid myself of this body that doesn’t belong to me, before emerging from the depth of it as the man I know I am.

My tongue is threatening me to run faster than my mind. ‘I’m a man’ I want to shout, ‘I have always been a man, from the moment I was born, and I hope you can accept me for what I am.’ It sounds so easy in my head, which is why I hate it more than anything when my throat dries up as soon as I part my lips. His gaze falls to them, but it comes back up to meet my eyes when only a sigh escapes from them.

In being faced with my hesitation he speaks again, a subtle comforting smile on his face, “Hey, I’m not holding you hostage. You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t feel like it.” His elbow meeting my side in a gentle shove sends my heart ablaze, it is just a simple touch, not even skin on skin, yet it makes my entire body warm up.

“If one day you woke up and saw that you were trapped in a cage, what would you do?” I tentatively ask, testing the waters of the ocean I know I am going to dive in today. My question causes a corner of his lips to tilt upwards, “I’d pick the lock,” He says, as if the solution would be that easy. I foolishly hope it was.

“What if there is no lock to pick? What if you could escape it, but you’d have to face one of the biggest fears in your life in order to do so?” 

His answer, before I can even finish the last syllable, “I’d do it. If it means freedom, I’d do anything. You know it.” His hand rests on my shoulder, I can feel his thumb pressing into my muscles, more than anything I want to hug him and confess my reality with my face hidden in his neck. But I don’t. I’m tired of hiding. My life has turned into a twisted version of hide and seek, where I’m both the seeker and the one hiding. I seek a day where I won’t have to hold back anymore, a day where I’ll be able to use a masculine pronoun without expecting weird looks towards me, yet I hide away in the darkness, afraid of the future, afraid of losing everything I’ve built so far. 

I’ve built mansions, cathedrals, palaces with precarious foundations and I think the time has come to fix that. 

“What’s with all the philosophical talk today? Cages and fears and whatnot. Is it a new idea for a prank? Because if it is you need to hear one James had just a while ago-”

“I’ve been lying to you, Sirius.” I confess with the taste of bile in the back of my throat. The letter I had prepared and read so many times I’d memorized it sits deep in the pockets of my pants, I’m running on no script and no idea of where this conversation will bring us. I have no patience to hear what he might say, so I don’t even stop to breathe before I speak again.

“I’ve been lying to all of you, even to myself at times. I want to preface this by saying that I understand if this is confusing to you, or if you don’t understand where this is coming from but I am not the girl you boys befriended all those years ago. I’ve never been a girl, not once, but this doesn’t mean I’ve been faking to be your friend. I’m still the friend that helped you get out of detention, I’m still the friend that sent professors down the wrong hallway when they would ask for you mid prank preparation, I’m still the friend that would do your essays for you in exchange for part of your food at lunch. I’m still your friend, just not the friend you thought you had.” The words flow out like a river overflowing, it is only as I say the last word that I notice the tears rolling down my cheeks, “I’m not a girl,” I say again, my voice cracking in a sob, “I’m a guy.” 

The grip he had on my shoulder tightens for a moment before he lets out the loudest sigh of relief I’ve ever heard, “By Merlin’s beard, you scared me half to death there.” His other hand rests on his chest, most likely trying to relax his beating heart that, if it’s pounding half the speed of mine, then it must be fighting tooth and nail to escape his ribcage. Something halfway through another sigh and a chuckle comes from him as his head shakes, “So, you’re a bloke, huh? Is that what you’re telling me?” 

I nod, swallowing the gulp stuck in my throat, I can’t force myself to make a sound. The arm wrapping itself around my shoulder and pulling me into Sirius takes me by surprise, “You were always one of the lads, mate.” He says, grinning ear to ear, “Thank you for telling me. I can’t imagine this was easy for you…” The weight on my back does not abandon me completely, it is only the tiniest amount lighter. The first step is taken, there is no going back, little by little he’ll be able to uncover all of me. One small step at a time. Now it is no time to let him know how the only things I smelled while brewing amortentia was his cologne, butterbeer and the occasional cigarette. 

I don’t know what else to say, it feels like I just lept from a flying broom awaiting contact with the ground, but the crash never comes, my bones never break and no absurd pain breaks through me. “Thank you for still being here.” I choke out. His thumb runs over the corners of my eyes, the silver rings on his fingers graze my hot skin, “Thank you for telling me.” He repeats, dragging my body closer to his in a warm hug, “I want you to know, telling the others, that’s your choice. I won’t say a word. There’s no rush. I’ll even hold your hand while you do it.”

I melt in his arms. His last remark, as teasing as it was, is enough to pull a smile out of me. “I’ll make sure to let you know whenever I’m ready so you can wash your hands first. Who knows what you’ve touched.”

“Wow, rude much.” Sirius holds me for what feels like a lifetime. They say Hogwarts is the safest place there is, but I think I’ve found a worthy adversary to that claim. We don’t say anything, I said my piece and he listened. That’s all that was important. One day I’m going to have to tell James, Remus and Peter as well, but that can wait for now. The worst is done. 

“Do you feel a little more free now?” He murmurs in my ear, “Has that cage began to feel like something you could escape from?”

“Yes.” And I mean it when I say it. The future looks brighter than it ever has.

[lucy90712]

Hii how are you? I saw your post about sending in requests soo here I am haha :)

Could you write smth with Marc guiu and like long distance relationship (reader is from another country, I'd love Germany cos I'm from there but any country is okay) and like her surprising him with a visit, maybe she comes to a game and like waits for him after as the 'surprise' kinda. Feel free to adjust or change things if you want :)

Thanks so much in advance and I hope you have a great day!

Being in a long distance relationship is hard especially when there was a time that you weren't long distance it becomes hard to separate yourself from the person you love but sometimes it has to be done. This is exactly how it is for me and Marc as a few years ago my family moved to Barcelona which is where we met and became friends for a few months before we started dating. For a year we were so happy together until my dad lost his job and got a new one back home in Germany so we had no choice but to be long distance which was so hard at first but we have made it work as best as possible but I still miss him a lot. 

A few weeks ago Marc got a move to Chelsea which he was really excited about and I was really happy for him. Between his move and preseason we haven't seen each other in like two months which is the longest we've gone without seeing each other. This weekend is supposed to be Marc's first game which he thinks I can't make it to but I've been lying to him so I can surprise him. It's not all a lie originally I didn't think I could go as I was supposed to be going to a family event but things got moved around and I just didn't tell him as I thought it would be fun to surprise him. 

Getting tickets to the match wasn't easy as they were all sold out and I'm not as familiar with Marc's new Chelsea teammates as I was with his Barcelona teammates. In the end I was brave and dm'ed one of his teammates to ask for help getting tickets and he was so helpful and gave me a way to get hold of tickets and offered to help me surprise Marc which I took him up on as I have no idea how to go about things. His teammate made sure that I knew how to get to the stadium and where would be the best place to stay the night before the game and he sorted things out so I'd be allowed into the back of the stadium with the rest of the players friends and families so I can actually surprise Marc after the game. 

Now things are all set in place and all I have to do is keep this hidden from Marc which won't be easy as we always FaceTime every night and I'm scared he'll notice that I'm not in my room as I'm staying in a hotel close to the stadium. Marc is quite observant he always notices when I've had my hair cut even if it's just a trim and he can always tell when I've changed my skincare or makeup routine so fooling him isn't going to be easy. I thought he'd have caught on before I even got here as we quite often text throughout the day and I had to have my phone off while I was on the plane but luckily I was able to say that I was caught up with something and didn't check my phone which he believed. 

As soon as I arrived to the hotel and dropped my suitcase off I went back out onto the streets to go the the Chelsea store which is close to the stadium to find a shirt with Marc's name and number on. He said that he would send me a shirt but he hasn't been able to yet as he hasn't got an official game day shirt that he can part with. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't wear his shirt especially for his first game at a new club so I took matters into my own hand to try and find a shirt for myself. The store was much bigger than I expected it to be and it was filled with people but I managed to navigate my way around until I finally found a shirt with Marc's name on it which I bought and got out of there as quick as possible. 

Like clockwork Marc FaceTimed me at 8pm and I had to do my best to try and keep the camera on me and not show much of the room so he wouldn't get too suspicious. To start with Marc seemed confused and was looking at my surroundings but he didn't say anything so neither did I. We had a normal conversation about what we had done today and I had to completely make things up which he just believed as he trusts me enough to not question anything I say which is really sweet and helpful in this specific situation. We talked for hours until I had to pretend to need to go as I was supposed to be up early for this family event he still thinks I'm going to so we said goodnight to each other and I just hoped and prayed that Marc wasn't too suspicious about my surroundings. 

~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to my alarm and a few texts from Marc telling me to have a good time with my family so I wished him luck at his game before getting up and getting ready. Once I was ready I still had hours until I needed to leave for the game and I had no idea what to do with myself. I was so nervous for Marc, I always get nervous before Marc plays but for some reason today I'm extra nervous for him. Playing for a new club in a different league especially such a competitive one like the premier league is nerve wracking and playing at Chelsea comes with another level of competition and pressure that I know Marc can handle but that doesn't mean I can't be nervous for him. 

Eventually the time came for me to leave so I changed into the shirt I bought yesterday and grabbed all my things before calling a taxi to get to the stadium. There was so much traffic on the road but I allowed plenty of time to get there so by the time I arrived there was still enough time for me to find my seat and take in the stadium before the match started. I have been to all sorts of stadiums to watch Marc play but most of them don't compare to Stamford bridge even though there was a lot of empty seats the atmosphere was amazing people were really in the spirit and ready for the first match of the new season. 

Soon enough the players came out to warm up and as always my eyes were drawn to Marc as he ran across the pitch and kicked a ball around to get himself ready. He wasn't in the starting line up which wasn't a huge surprise to me but I'm hoping he can play in the second half as I'd love to see him actually play. Watching him out there made me so excited to surprise him after the match I know he wished I could be here but he would never say that as he doesn't like to make me feel bad when I can't make it to big matches. In just under two hours I can finally hug and kiss him again which I've missed so much while we've been apart but for now I have to wait a bit longer. 

The match didn't get off to the best start with Chelsea conceding within the first 20 minutes then they had a few good chances which unfortunately they weren't be able to convert. Half time came around and not much changed but 66 minutes into the game Marc finally came on. He received a loud cheer from the crowd which really warmed my heart as I know he was worried about being accepted by the fans but that doesn't seem like it's going to be a problem. Marc played well trying to make runs and get close to the goal to help the team but ultimately it didn't make a difference as the match ended 2-0 after an 84th minute goal from Kovacic which wasn't well received by the home fans but in the end they didn't care so much about that and more about the loss. 

I wasn't thinking about the loss I was thinking about Marc, the players were still out on the pitch but as soon as they started making their way off I left my seat and headed towards the back parts of the stadium so I can finally see Marc. Security let me straight through and directed me to where I needed to go to find the locker rooms. Just as I made it down there the players started to head towards the locker room and I was able to spot Marc down the corridor as he was talking to Sanchez so he hadn't noticed me yet. The closer he got the more I wondered if he would even notice me as he was so in his own world but luckily Marc looked in my direction at the right time which caused him to stop in his tracks as he tried to figure out what was happening. 

It wasn't long before Marc realised I was actually stood there and he ran towards me and picked me up in his arms to hug me tightly. He was all sweaty from running around for the last 30 minutes but I couldn't care less it just felt so good to be in his arms again. When he put me down one of his arms stayed around my waist while his other hand went to my jaw to pull me in for a kiss. It didn't stop at one kiss he made sure to make up for at least half the kisses I've missed out on over the last two months by pressing kisses all over my face. 

"I'm so happy you're here I've missed you so much" Marc said 

"I've missed you too you were amazing out there by the way" I said 

"Thank you I was sad that we lost but now none of it matters as I've got you here" he said 

"Wait weren't you supposed to be at a family thing how are you here?" He asked 

"That got moved so I decided I'd come surprise you at your first match as I just couldn't miss it" I said 

"Well I'm happy you could make it and I like your shirt how did you get that?" He asked 

"I battled London after I got here yesterday and went to the club store which was packed but I managed to find this as I thought I couldn't come here to support you without wearing your shirt" I said 

"You are so cute but now you can have this shirt so you've got a fully authentic one" he said 

"I look forward to showing that off to my friends" I laughed 

We talked for a bit longer before he had to go and get changed so he left me with a few of his teammates who he introduced me to while he showered and changed in record time. All of his teammates were lovely and they made me feel welcome which is something I was worried about as I got along with all of Marc's Barcelona teammates really well so I didn't think it would be the same here but so far everyone has been really nice. Soon enough Marc came back and it was time for us to go so we headed to my hotel to grab my things so I could stay with him for the next few days as my flight back isn't until Wednesday as I thought we could spend an extra few days together. He doesn't have a proper place yet but he's staying in an actual apartment so we decided we would stay there. 

Once we made it back to Marc's place we settled in on the sofa and didn't move from there. He ordered us food for dinner and we had on our tv show that we only ever watch together as we have a lot to catch up on. All we really did was sit and cuddle but that's exactly what I've been missing while we've been apart so today has just been the perfect day.