#i am an idiot and accidentally deleted this post from my blog

[ajsldf]

“As completely warranted as that would be,” Danny grins, pocketing his phone, “I don’t think you gotta worry about it. You’re gonna get sick of me.” She’s got the kind of big doe eyes that make him feel all off his guard, and it’s like he’s fifteen again trying to find his footing with girls. He gestures with his head toward the doors leading out onto the heated patio and the fire pits, where it’ll be a little quieter and slightly more intimate. “Come outside with me? I’ve got a joint I might be willing to share.”

Phoebe couldn’t help how her heart fluttered in her chest just from locking her eyes with his. He seemed different from other guys, more genuine. “I highly doubt that. Though you may get sick of me at some point.” She meant it as a joke, though there was still some truth to her words since everyone eventually got tired of her. “You don’t have to ask me twice.” She grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers together as she followed his lead to the fire pit.

[skepticalarrie]

Hey i know u may find this idiotic but really wanted to share my opinion and wanted ur views because most of time i see ur blog and its really helpful so just reaching out to you, i just saw one olivia wilde ua on insta saying harry styles viewed her untagged story about olivia , which is strange and u would have been well aware of all the rumors by sun , so do you these things on insta are strategic for harry as she posted screen recording, or may be his team does that because sometime i think harry doesn't use , this wilde experience was really bad so it gives chills but do you think these can be accidental sometime or these are always something ...just asking if you find it weird please i am really sorry in advance

I’m a bit out of the loop, love. From what I’ve seen people saying on my dash and gc is that the account saying that deleted the post so I think it’s very likely it was fake. But if that wasn’t the case, those kinds of things are definitely not accidental, especially Harry’s account, it is 100% work and it was used to push narratives so many times.. there’s even that stupid finsta account 😒

[bma-2021]

why tf didn’t I have a tag for all my shit beforehand so I could find it all without having to go back physically and retag it all why am i like this

[miekasa]

call me (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: fluff, humor? you can be the judge of that i suppose, levi is quiet and often practical, but you cannot convince that there’s not a small part of him that doesn’t enjoy having shit to hold over people lol

↯ notes: this is also cross-posted from another blog, but i tweaked it a bit to fit levi and rewrote/edited parts i wish the world had never seen </3 also i’m reposting bc i was an idiot who accidentally deleted it on mobile rip 

↯ word count: 1.3k

↯ summary: drunk you is not amused by the man who keeps trying to coerce you into his apartment; even if that man is your boyfriend and that apartment is his apartment.

“Alright mister, I’m trusting you for now because you’re Erwinnie’s friend, and Erwinnie is my best friend,” you hiccup, wagging your pointer finger as threateningly as you can in your current state, “So if he says you’re a good person, you’re probably a good person. Or good enough.”

Levi holds back a knowing smirk, and loops his arm through yours to steady your balance. He doesn’t know how or why Erwin let you get this drunk, but he’s at least glad the blonde was sober enough to call him to pick you up instead of letting you get in a cab; or worse, attempt to take the bus.

“I’m so very glad you trust me,” he says, voice flat as your wrap your other arm around his bicep. You hum back, a little spacey and like you maybe didn’t hear what he said.

You’re honestly pretty cute when you’re drunk. It’s not something he gets to see often, as you don’t allow yourself to let go frequently; nor do you usually have the time to. And it’s not that he particularly wishes for you to be drunk to the point where you can barely stand, or remember his name, but all things considered, Levi is happy that your general drunk disposition is happy, too. 

He waves Mike goodbye as he wrangles Erwin into his car, not holding back his smile this time as you wave over-excitedly at the blonde in the passenger seat, calling his name loudly to tell him goodnight and that you’ll miss him, like you hadn’t already told him goodnight three minutes ago, or spent the last three hours with him drinking. Yeah, you’re cute. 

Thankfully, Levi doesn’t live too far from the restaurant you and Erwin were at, so the both of you are home after a twenty minute walk—what should have been fifteen minutes, but was prolonged by your drunken fascination with a squirrel on a public bench.

You start to wobble more when Levi unlaces your arms to get his keys out of his pocket, and he moves his right hand to rest against the small of your back so you don’t fall. However, drunk you is not so entertained by the idea of his hands anywhere near your waist as sober you would have been.

“Hey, hey, hey—hold it right there, mister!” you stutter, words a bit too loud for the confined space of Levi’s hallway at three in the morning, “I am not going in—into that suspicious apartment with you.”

You stumble as you try to remove Levi’s hand from your waist, and he tries to steady your balance again, but push him away more forcefully, staggering into the wall behind you.

“Ah, bitch,” you curse, holding your head and groaning. The pain clearly isn’t enough to stop your accusations against Levi, as you’re back to wagging your finger at him, even hunched over from your drunken stupor, “See, this is your fault.”

Levi sighs. He doesn’t know why you’re holding your head, because you hit your back, and from what he can tell, you shouldn’t have hurt yourself that badly. He’ll take a closer look at you once you’re inside. That’s if he could get you inside to begin with.

He can’t wrangle you and open the door at the same time, so he goes for the latter, finally pulling his keys from his pocket to unlock his apartment door, then attempts to move you inside. Keyword: attempts; because anytime he puts his hands remotely near you, you slap them away.

“Come on, we have to go inside,” he grunts, trying again to get a hold of your arm, but you whack him away harshly. For a drunk person, you seem to have the strength and dexterity of a pro-athlete all of a sudden. Where was all this coordination when he was trying to get you up the stairs five minutes ago?

“No!” you growl—once again, too loudly for the time and place. “Haven’t you heard of the saying no means no, mister? I might be drunk, but this is not my apartment, and I am not going in there to have sex with you!”

“I’m trying to help you go to bed. I’m not going to try and have sex with you.” Levi takes a deep breath. This could sound really bad if anyone else woke up and heard the two of you. 

But you’re not having it, crossing your arms and turning your body so that you’re now facing the wall, your back towards a less-than-impressed Levi. “Well, I don’t believe you. I’m going to call Erwinnie tell him you’re being a bad friend, and then Erwinnie is going to call my boyfriend and he’s going to come and pick me up.”

“Oh yeah?” Levi drawls, leaning against his door frame, watching your silhouette as you clumsily search for your phone in your pockets, “Why don’t you just call your boyfriend then?”

You turn on your heels as best you can, and muster up your most menacing glare. It’s not menacing in the slightest, and it actually makes Levi crack a smile, which you do not take lightly; but that only makes him smile further, because sober you doesn’t like it when he’s not fazed by your self-proclaimed intimidation tactics, either.

“Fine,” you huff, finally putting your phone to your ear, “But you’re going to be sorry, because Levi is going to come here and kick your ass.”

Levi chuckles, feeling his own phone ring in his back pocket, “I bet he is.”

“He is,” you insist, stomping your foot for dramatic effect, “He might not be that tall, but he’s strong as hell, plus he’s handsome, and he doesn’t let people fuck around with me, so say your prayers, mister.”

The following afternoon is far less than pleasant. You feel groggy, tired, and like everything is moving in slow motion. Piece by piece, your memories of your night out with Erwin start to come back to you, but you can’t seem to recall anything beyond your fifth margarita.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Levi calls, sarcastically, upon entering the bedroom.

His voice and presence surprises you, but then the realization washes over you that you’re in his apartment and not your own. You’re not sure why yet, but you could probably take a guess.

“Did you take me home last night?”

Levi hums in acknowledgement, nodding his head towards the bedside table, where you find a bottle of water. Levi watches you as you move to hang your legs off the side of the bed and reach for the bottle, groaning in the process. He mentally notes that he should make you breakfast—or, well, at this point, brunch—after you go shower, so that you can take an Advil for the pain.

He moves across the room to sit beside you on the bed, careful to not disrupt too much as to make you spill the water on the sheets. “You know, for someone who’s so happy-go-lucky when they’re drunk, you put up quite the fight yesterday.”

“I did?” you turn to him, capping the bottle, eyes wide with surprise, “You were probably sleeping and you had wake up and come deal with me, I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assures you, an almost uncharacteristic and sly smile playing on his lips, “You always say something interesting that keeps me entertained. It makes up for it.”

“Dear god, what was it this time?” you groan, throwing your head back, “I didn’t confess my feelings for you again did I? This is, what, like the sixth time since we’ve been dating? I’m such an embarrassing drunk.”

“Not a confession this time,” he chuckles, “The opposite. Maybe worse.”

Levi fishes his phone from his pocket, and pulls up his voicemails before handing it to you. Curious—and a little bit scared—to find out what could possibly be worse than confessing to your boyfriend of almost four years that you’re in love with him and sad that you’re not dating him? You’re not sure that it could get more embarrassing than that until you click on Levi’s most recent voicemail and hear your own voice crackling through the speaker of his phone.

“—What, hey, fuck off, mister! I don’t want to go into your scrubby apartment! I am happily dating Levi Ackerman, and when he gets here he is going to grand slam your sorry ass into the ground!”

[sir-crocodile-slut]

It has come to my attention that my writing has upset a few people for various reasons. I was sent this (likely now deleted) post from a friend, and this blog, @some-piece, I believe has blocked me due to my story.

I’m refuse to sit here and take any level of slander for my work. To start, I have always heavily tagged and warned for anything that is sexual or triggering. For this story, it is labeled in multiple ways:

As you can see my masterlist is organized by the character in the story, has an emoji dictating the type of story it will be, and an overall warning that all TW will be labeled on each individual post. Next, when you click on the story from my masterlist, it shows a brief description and an extensive list of trigger warnings. If this came up on your feed and not from my list, the story itself is under the cut, but nothing graphic occurs until multiple paragraphs down so you would not accidentally see anything triggering if the cut did not work.

As you can see by the last picture, I have heavily tagged my story with the proper hashtags, showing who is involved in the story and what topics are covered, so if you searched for a character and those other tags pop up, you should not read it if those topics are triggering.

Now to address the post from that user:

This is in no way a comfort fic, as you can see by the tags, title, labels, category, etc. This is not advertised as comfort, fluff, or anything positive in the slightest.

Second, I do not hate Law, I do not think he is a bad character at all, I actually love him dearly and he was one of my first one piece crushes when he was first introduced. I have his Jolly Roger sticker on my car, I’ve cosplayed him on multiple occasions, I have a pin of him on my backpack, we share the same birthday, I have nothing against his character at all, he was included in this story as a surprise twist/ “good people can be bad” cliche. (Hence the title of “he would never do that”)

It is just a story with fictional characters, I am not accusing a real person of anything mentioned in this fic. This story is not listed under his name on my masterlist because he is not the “main character” involved and I wanted it to be a twist, but that’s why his name is tagged multiple times, to inform he’s involved but to avoid spoilers for the plot.

I write what I want to write. As a rape and assault victim myself, I will write about whatever I damn well please on my own blog, but to avoid triggering others, I overly tag and warn to be sure the reader feels safe. Just because someone self-ships with a character doesn’t mean no one else gets to write about them. If you do not like seeing your self-shipped or comfort characters in depressing stories, do not read them. You do not have to like me or my work, but don’t you dare say that I’m an idiot and a bad person because you fail to read warnings.

[angrymongol01-archived]

TITLE: “Scrunchie” (a Fem!Hinata oneshot, in 2 parts)

GENRE: fluff, humor, friendship?

WORDS: 939 words (Part 1)

SUMMARY: Hinata receives a gift—stashed inside her locker—from someone but she doesn’t know who?

A/N: Am reposting two of my shelved discontinued fem!Hinata fics from my old blog here (for exposure ig? Also I didn't delete them completely there, they're just posted privately lol); for those who've read the original post before and wondering why this blog repost another blog's work, supplies~!! OP here, filling this blog with some Haikyuu content from last October, starting with my very first fic. Enjoy ^^;; ALSO DO NOT SEND HATE ORZ smh

NOTE: Let’s assume that Hinata Shouyou is the only female member of the Karasuno High School Men’s Volleyball Club. Also let’s assume that you are the Hinata Shouyou, *side head tilts* ne?

My Masterlist

Morning practice done, and you and Shimizu-senpai and Yachi are heading to the girls’ locker room to change.

Cause i still have my dignity intact lmao

As if i’d let her change inside the club room together with a bunch of hungry wolves. Iirc

As you opened your locker, surprise~! You see a small baby blue packet tied with a blue ribbon, on top of your school uniform.

“Eh?” You got hold of the packet into your hands, eyeing curiously. “What’s this doing here inside my locker?”

“What’s the matter, Hina-chan?” Yachi asked.

You showed the small packet in front of them. “I found this on top of my school uniform. Dunno why it’s here~”

Deep thonking

“Maybe, a birthday gift?” Shimizu-senpai cocked her head on one side.

You rubbed the back of your neck and sweatdropped.

“That’s some very belated birthday gift, if it is, if you ask me…—“

Since you’ve turned sweet sixteen almost a month ago!!!

Yachi looked closely at the packet after you handed it to her so that you can change clothes.

“Hmm… doesn’t have a gift tag or something…”

Her curious expression changed that of alarm 🚨

#YachiPanicc

“W-WHAT IF THERE IS A BOMB INSIDE!?!! OR POISON!?! ((((；ﾟДﾟ)))))))”

Shimizu-senpai taps the blonde girl’s shoulder.

Panicc attacc stahps

Which prompted Yachi to accidentally throw the packet up in the air.

Luckily you caught it in time (after a quick change) before hitting the floor.

“Hitoka-chan, calm down. There’s no way that packet can harm all of us~ :)”

You examined the packet again, raising it under the light.

Kinda like x-ray vision lol

“At least, there’s something inside—“

Next, you shook it but gently, and you heard nothing.

The goddess intervened, a smile on her lips: “Hinata-chan, why don’t you open it?”

“B-but, idk if someone really gave it to me…?”

“Nah, don’t worry~” Was silent for a sec. “I can assure you that this packet really is for you.”

You glanced at Shimizu-senpai, a bit sus—

An Among Us ref (sorry I still couldn’t play the game) but still—

Many scenarios playing inside your head.

Wow Tsukki would be shocked if he knows you can also think with that single brain cell of yours

Hc’d Hina-chan calls Tsukishima ‘Tsukki’ also aside from Yams.

“Go on, Hina-chan! Open it, open it~” Stars forming in Yachi’s eyes lol

You smiled sheepishly. “If you two say so…”

You untied the ribbon and pried open the packet—

You gasped at the contents before fishing it out.

Like 👁👄👁

“Uwaaaa~ a cute hair scrunchie!” you exclaimed, showing off said scrunchie like a trophy.

A black hair scrunchie dotted with sunflowers and oranges, like your team’s black-and-orange jersey.

Even bigger stars have formed into Yachi’s eyes looks like she’d created an entire new galaxy wwwwww kidding.

Goddess Kiyoko beaming a little…

You tied your chest-length orange ginger-colored red whatever you fans called it lol—

You pulled your chest-length hair up in a ponytail and secured it with the scrunchie.

YAH LOOKED FAHBUHLOUS, DAHLING~ *chef’s kiss*

“Oi, dumbass, hurry up or we’ll be late for class!” Hollered another dumbass outside the locker room.

“H-hai, coming~!”

The two of you walking side by side from the gym towards the first years’ hallway to class.

Kageyama kept glancing at your direction. You noticed.

“What? Is there something on my face, Bakayama-kun?”

“Ha?” He stared ahead, scowling. “No, nothing.”

There’s his glancing again.

Annoyed, you stopped in your tracks and pouted at him.

An angry and pouting Hinata is cute af ngl—

“Can you stop looking at my face, Bakayama!? What’s wrong with you??? Mou~ (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾”

C-cute, the raven-haired setter thought, cheeks flushing.

Looking flabbergasted at his fellow teammate’s rant.

“O-oi, dumbass, calm down!” Kags said, his hand clamping your head.

“Then why are you staring at me??? Ow ow ow let go~!”

Still clamping, he lowered your head a bit and nodded at your new hair scrunchie.

“What’s that thing on your head? Who gave that to you??”

Oof jelly boyfie alert dejk—

You swatted Kageyama’s hand away from your head and adjusted said scrunchie “thing”.

“A hair scrunchie, idiot! I found it inside my locker earlier after morning practice.”

Mumbling, “Dunno who put it there though…”

Silence.

He slowly said, looking away from you, his cheeks a tinge of red.

“That looks… good on you, the colors suited your hair. It’s cute.”

You looked at him surprised, face a bit flustered too. “T-thanks…?”

Wow… Bakayama complimenting me? He said ‘cute’… to me? (*☻-☻*)

#TsundereKageyama imo lol fite me

An idea formed in your head.

Seriously Tsukki’ll be shocked. Really—

Brown eyes narrowing at him. “Maybe…”

“Maybe, what?” he demanded.

What this dumbass thinking—

“…did you sneak inside the girls’ locker room and place it inside my locker???” you feigned shock.

Which made poor Kags choke on his spit and full-blast tomato face mode.

He stuttered madly. “W-WHA… WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING, HINATA BOKE!?!!! I DID NOT—S-STOP SPILLING NONSENSE DAMMIT!!!”

“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) hai hai~ I believe you now!” you grinned at the setter. “Sorry for pulling your leg hehe”

Tick marks forming on his forehead, mouth twitching…

“Why you little—“

First bell rang~

You walked towards your classroom’s door before turning at him.

“Hey, Kageyama-kun, I’ll see you at lunchtime, ne?” You beamed.

And winked ^_−☆ before heading inside.

Double kill

The poor boy was left alone, unmoved in his position.

That boke’ll be the death of me //////

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT WITHOUT PERMISSION. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME, KIDS. LIKES ESPECIALLY REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. ALL WORKS (c) angrymongol01 - 2021.

[empirelead-a]

I have talked about this before a long while back but being an idiot I really am, I accidentally deleted the post while I was cleaning up my blog. Though, I don’t mind talking about it because I do very much enjoy talking about my best girl and it is an important part of my interpretation of her. I have this headcanon where Kuvira’s most prominent emotion is anger and it’s not the explosive kind, it’s the type of anger where it’s just so cold and quiet like a brewing storm; another headcanon I have is where she carries a deep self-hatred for herself because she was already at the age where the memory of being unwanted and being abandoned by her own parents is there. It’s all there. It’s deeply ingrained in her mind, while her actions is still inexcusable, I can understand why she became the very person she is today. You can’t expect her to grow up normal with that kind of trauma. 

She’s angry. Angry at the ones who were suppose to love and raise her, angry at the woman who saw her as nothing more than a protégé. As thankful as Kuvira was for Suyin, I can imagine the hurt she must have felt, excluded in many things – family pictures for example – she can clearly see the difference how she’s being treated between herself and the Beifong children. It made her feel inadequate, some sort of charity work and a burden to the Beifongs who took in a poor and unwanted stray. Kuvira can still see how Suyin still kept her from a distant. Eventually, her anger turned from the others to herself—what did she ever do to deserve this? Her past is constantly looming over her, never leaving her alone and never making her forget, and weighs her down; the nightmares she would get about her past too.

That cocky attitude of hers…it’s just an act…as long as she puts on a brave face and a confident mask, no one would doubt her. She’ll be respected and maybe even loved. It works, but not for long when she couldn’t help it but to always think…

“My own parents don’t want me…”

“Suyin hates me.”

“What did I ever do?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

All those feelings she harbored over the years made her paranoid—the silent fury, the quiet tears, and the cracks on her mask. The love of the people was enough to make her go on, but they still don’t know the real her. They only know the Great Uniter and not Kuvira, if they do know then maybe they’ll hate her too. And maybe they should, everyone she loves winds up hating her…

“I’m a monster.”

The thought eats her up and drowns her whole. Maybe it’s time for her to accept the fact there’s something really wrong with her, something everyone saw before she did.

[marblehornets52]

I may as well post this just to get this off my chest, but I doubt anyone would have the time to actually want to care about this.

In my old blog, @rynxs-blog, literally you can't miss the description. I have autism/asperger's. While it's not so bad, I'm just making this post because, I guess I just want it out of my head.

Maybe 6th grade or so, I guess, my ex, was supposedly stalking me and it took until 7th grade for anything to happen. 7th grade (she was in 8th grade btw so one year ahead of me, keep that in mind) we started dating. I will admit, I was a little shithead back then [as in, VERY CRINGE FUELED] so with that being said, I didn't want to acknowledge my autism or my problems back then. I was 50% extrovert and 50% introvert.

I, however, never told anyone about the autism because it felt more of a insecure thing. No one back then, as far as I saw, in the middle school, had autism. Few years later I come to realize they were just hidden among the crowd. But that's not exactly what this is about.

Back then, I was a shithead. Never did my work yet somehow managed to go past both 7th and 8th grade. I still remember that the main reason was because when I was moving into 8th grade, my ex went to high school.

Now you might be wondering "so what's the big deal? You still like her or something?"

That was the answer back then, and honestly I don't know why I decided to go on ahead and reach out to her to see if she remembers.

Another question that might pop up "Besides the age difference, why couldn't you just see her normally?" or even "Why are you making that relationship such a big deal right now?"

1. My mom is [somewhat] a hardcore Christian and when I told her about the relationship, she kinda went haywire about it, specifically how it's against God commandments or whatever the fuck she told me. Even though she said she didn't mind people being gay yet when I come up with it "ThAt'S nOt ChRiStIaN lIkE." Also if your wondering about the dad, he's a marine, he would've killed me back then if he realized I was dating before the age of 18.

2. Because I was so stupid back then, we used to have wattpad [she deleted it] and I made a new account and started talking to her there. But I didn't reveal it was me until after. But what made me start to have more problems [that's gonna come in soon] is that she literally told me that she didn't even remember me. I could've just left it off as her moving on, I could've left it with me just a unimportant person in people's lives...but I just decided to remind her of everything and sooner or later, after 8th grade, I finally made it.

I told my friend group that I didn't want them to follow me when I am with my ex. Not because I was selfish but because she was going to introduce me to people I never met [who ended up turning up with vapes and soon smoking (I never smoked.)]

She had me so isolated from literally everyone I knew, just staying in one specific area of the school. If I tried to leave, she would chase after me and drag me back. I (still being a idiot) thought it was cute so I did that for awhile. Though it changed when my friends came along.

When they saw me hanging out with my ex, they came to the group. At the time I didn't mind since they gotten along with everyone till they decided to start vaping.

[Side note: While that was happening I got a betta fish named Ninja; I rescued him from a shitty pet shop and I did so much for him. I miss him greatly now, he has indeed passed away and he does contribute to the story.]

So with that being said, when I was in Sophomore year, I started sensing stuff being off. I wasn't allowed to leave anywhere without permission, if I was watching a video and just randomly smiled or giggle I would have to show my ex what I was seeing; otherwise she would force the phone out of my hand to see for herself, I told her about my autism and yet she still didn't even mind to acknowledge it and just blatantly forget it until I remind her again. She wouldn't let me go interact with everyone else, always trying to give me so much affection to the point where it was just a blank feeling. Whenever I would cry or whatnot, there was nothing she would do except just ask this "Stop crying please" + "Not even for me?" If I didn't give her a response. [Btw, if you ever tell me "Not even for me?" Go fuck yourself. (Sounds harsh but at that point I don't want to keep all of this in mind forever.) But the worst is when I told her about my insecurities. I told her most of it, opening up a bit more. My major one [which is still going on] is my weight.

The school has this BMI chart or whatnot and freshman year I was almost considered overweight instead of healthy. So I told her not I didn't feel comfortable with my own body. I still remember back then, she would pinch my body fat and always tease about it. I would just play the happy little partner and try not to take notice of it.

Though when Ninja passed away, I went through the biggest depression era in my life. I at that point, started to hide in my classrooms. I refused to go out because I didn't want to let anyone see how much of a mess I was. I remembered people thought I must've came back from a funeral or something.

I remembered back then, I wanted to end my own life, simply because [besides depression from the death of Ninja] I thought no one would care about my existence, that no one would notice me missing. But I guess overtime, I started to think back of all the stuff I been through in the relationship and compared it to how it was to my own friend.

[If you are gonna tell me "But it's just a fish, why don't you move on?" I literally told Ninja everything, from insecurities, to frustrations, to ideas. He was a better friend than many people I knew because he would do his best to support me even on his dying breath. Just ti get me better.]

So with that being said, one of my friends [who is not vaping anymore if I can recall] came up to me all pissed off. She told me that my ex had been bawling out her eyes because she assumed I didn't love her anymore. [Yes, me being away, 2 weeks inside classrooms for brunch and lunch, meant I didn't love her anymore.]

So I guess I told her everything (this was in history class btw, not exactly important but most history classes here are like fucking libraries, dead silent so whispering was just considered a regular talking voice.) I accidentally said everything out to the rest of my classmates too and honestly, I was surprised they were shocked. But I guess because I played the "happy life girlfriend" person, that there was nothing wrong with me.

[Another side note: I was in ROTC, and they did this thing called inspections. You wear the uniform you were given (usually utilities) and you wear it the whole day until you go home. Usually on Thursdays unless something happens. But the biggest rules are 1. No boyfriends or girlfriends kissing or hugging and 2. No one is allowed to touch you.]

So with that being said, when I told my friend that I was planning to break up she told me to time it right. So as you could guess, I did it wearing utilities, I told her that I was going to cut off the relationship and I was gonna give her back her stuff.

What I didn't specify was that I broke it off because I didn't want her to feel or even deal with all my emotional problems I had. So I told myself, after 2 years, from that day on, I was not going to let anyone be with me, I wanted to let myself mature more and just not fuck up on another relationship so quick when I'm a emotional wreck.

.

.

.

I thought she would've done the same thing. I thought "Maybe she would take a year or so to move on, maybe see all the mistakes and move on?" Just only to find out 2 months later, her and my best cadet friend were dating.

So, I want to say that, yes, I'm happy for her I guess...made such a fast recovery or whatnot. But it felt like a big ol FUCK YOU to me, mostly because it just confirmed one of my insecurities I told her "I don't want to be forgotten, I don't want to be forgotten by everyone." Yet it already seemed bad enough that because she pulled me away from everyone, no one really cared about my existence, they wouldn't notice if I was missing, and that I really was the biggest mistake in everyone's lives. Even you, the person reading this, may as well scroll past this and not give a shit.

But if you want my honest opinion, I wanted to just tell my friend to not make the same fucking mistakes like me.

My insecurities have not been recovered, only worsen. My birthday was not too long ago, 2 days ago actually, and I honestly thought about ending it then and there.

If anyone just wants to talk to me or whatnot, not by trying to support me because of this post but because I guess there is something more to it, go ahead.

If you want to go ahead and talk to me, either to check up on me, that's fine.

But if people would just listen to everything I have, even the dark moments I...ah..

...Thank you.

I'm sorry that you just hate me more now, and I'm sorry I cause so much trouble just for this.

I just wanted people to know how I was doing I guess...so....

How was your day?

[thefifthtm]

OHMYGOSH! To think that the new blog has only been up since SUNDAY EVENING and I already have over two-hundred followers again. Words fail me at the moment, honestly.

This has also proven that the only confirmed canon in Doctor Who is that I am an idiot who doesn’t know how to delete a sideblog properly.

Most of you are old friends who have decided to join me again - and to all of you, THANK YOU! You were what kept the old blog running and that will continue to be the case with this one. After all, how successful can a roleplay blog be without people to write with? I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your support, especially considering that all my writing disappeared when the blog was deleted and it all left me in such a state. Thank you all SO SO much!

To those that have joined us recently, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY! Feel free to make yourself at home. Things are still slightly under construction at the minute, and progress is a little slow, but I’m looking forward to the opportunity to write with you all, so stay awhile, won’t you?

I shan’t do a long post like I did before - rather, I just want to give some love to a few blogs that have just been fantastic with their love and care over the last four days:

@megaluciddreams, @dearestdoctor, @siximpossiblethoughts, @cynicalschauspielers, @soulstcne, @drapetxmaniia, @mangledmenagerie, @stxnlcysdcxthpxrk, @applesdrowned, @walkingthroughhistory, @grvntcd, @themanwhoforgets, @burnedpower, @neartmhar, @thirtnth, @lefaemun

If you are here, then one way or another, you helped me during my time of dire need and ensured that what had every potential to be a disastrous situation was made so much better! For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

To everyone, thank you for sticking around or taking a fresh interest! Here’s to Five’s future - and ensuring that THIS blog doesn’t get accidentally deleted, eh?

[trek-tracks]

Hello i love your blog soo much!! I just finished to read your fics recommendations. And everyone of it were so good and well written i can't even start describing it!!?? I almost had a heart attack half way through them 💛 I wanna ask you if you can give us more suggestions. You 👏have 👏such 👏a 👏good 👏taste.

All right. So. Sorry to leave this unanswered for like three weeks, but I had many thoughts to think on it! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog; they mean a lot. So much, that I’ll destroy any pretense on Tumblr that I don’t read fan fiction, just for you. See what I do for you? :)

If anyone reads my blog at all, I think I’m pretty clearly biased toward Bones (“What?! No way!” says everyone, extremely sarcastically), so all these fics are Bones-centric. Sorry, that’s just what you’re going to get with me, but if you like my blog, chances are you have a soft spot for Bones as well.

I think you have already seen my post where I recommended, along with Equilibrium (#1 and still champion) and everything else PSW has written for TOS, some other gen TOS fics with Triumvirate feels, but here they are again for everyone else:

Hope, Logic and Other Wastes of Time by pantswarrior (the return of Xenopolycythemia, with fantastic characterization)

Watching the Watcher by stillwaters01 (and everything else by her as well): Great for Bones and Chapel, very medically detailed, hugely introspective.

Mudd in Your Eye and The Vestorian Quandary by Avirra (who also has some excellent series work; these have really interesting plots and Bones badassery)

Now, here are some more recommendations. This is by no means a comprehensive list of everything, only my thoughts at the current moment. One writer I was going to recommend deleted everything from AO3, alas. I might add on to it later, as I am absolutely sure I’ve forgotten things. To try to narrow this down, I’m going to try to steer clear of complete AUs. Mostly.

As is my wont, I am also largely going to recommend non-explicit or only briefly-explicit stuff, as I try to keep this blog on the PG side. I can’t remember all the details about everything, so check the tags before you decide to read, and make the decision that’s best for you.

Gen TOS recommendations:

Through a Mirror Darkly by GenuineSnoof is new; it’s a TOS/AOS crossover with Prime Spock and Bones (both Boneses, in different times) dealing with the Mirror, Mirror mind meld.

Other Gen stuff dealing with the Mirror, Mirror mind meld includes

Memories From A Past Not My Own by PSW 

Of Mirrors by EmRose92 

Bad Luck and Broken Soul by @apathetic-revenant

The Wicked and Divine by Danzinora Switch (also try by this writer: Peace and Long Life, where Spock and McCoy accidentally transport themselves to Vulcan’s far past; Silence is Key, McCoy vs. Romulans; and Project Memory, one of few worthwhile codas to Spock’s Brain)

ThatSassyCaptain writes some good stuff. Weight is a nice shortish character study off some canon episodes. The Dog Days Are Most Certainly Not Over features McCoy and giant doglike creatures. It’s very silly, and very enjoyable. Also, its sequel just happened to update yesterday for the first time in something like a year.

I remember KCS being a good writer. Try Watching the Watchman, but look around at other stuff, too. 

Incubation by Swiss Army Knife: Bones comes back from City on the Edge of Forever with smallpox and has to find a cure before he and everyone on the ship dies. Kirk is a jerk (okay, he’s still traumatized over Edith, but still). Spock is awesome. #ProtectHim 

icarus_chained writes some great short character studies.

There are some very long works by Mary R. and Lynn S., which are older pieces but luckily online; try Unspoken Truths, which deals with The Enterprise Incident, and Betrayed (So. Much. Angst. So much. This one is really well-written, but also a really hard read.)

I haven’t read The Dorian Solution in a long time (it’s novel-length, as I remember), but it’s a very interesting premise: McCoy and Kirk accidentally partake in a planet’s ritual that allows one person to take on all the other person’s subsequent injuries. Guess who gets the short end of the stick on this one?)

Imperfections by Amatara: Canon expansion: episode/movie scene additions from The Man Trap to Generations. Fantastic characterizations and UGH MY HEART at that ending.

Gen AOS recommendations:

anonymous - The One Who Is Fire. Bones screws up a First Contact by being emotional. Gets whumped. Much action; much angst. Very Triumvirate. Just on this side of overwrought, but very satisfying and full of the feels.

rustingroses - That Which We Find In Others. Spock and Bones. Earthquake. Trapped. Long talk. Fascinating.

Hollow Earth by beamirang (yes, another xenopolycythemia fic. Whatever. Everyone bands together to find a cure. Many feels.)

Aini_NuFire - Do No Harm: Short adventure with more Bones badassery

Now, various slash-type-things. 

TOS/Both TOS and AOS

@klmeri is the reigning champion of McSpirk fic, is all-around stellar, and has even written a couple of stories based on my overly-detailed prompts: Grave or Gone and In Winter Snow Angels Sacrifice. My favourite, though, is Younger than Stars, which has a great, conspiracy-filled plot, and feels aplenty. But just read starting anywhere, honestly. Read them all.

TheRev - Lovely writing. Spones. Try This Must Be the Place (AOS with Spock Prime/McCoy Prime; you will cry)  or Nothing By Halves (TOS) 

Eddaic - The Wind Here Sings: TOS Spones. Canon-adjacent. Very poetic.

AOS

I’ve already recommended @fireinmywoods’ sneaky, intricately-plotted and swoonworthy Palimpsest and other writing (McKirk), but for comprehensiveness’ sake, here she is as well (she’s also one of my favourite humans on Tumblr). Sometimes explicit.

Mardia - Fortunate Son: AU where Kirk wasn’t on Tarsus IV, but Bones was, as a 19-year-old doctor under the supervision of Dr. Philomena Boyce. The writing on this one is phenomenal, and the use of interwoven flashbacks with the present is stunning. Even explains why Kirk and McCoy’s eye colours switch in AOS. This is a must-read. One sex scene; can be skipped. McKirk.

laughter_now writes some great stuff. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder is also a must-read. So much suspense, featuring Bones being a righteous self-sacrificing badass and awesome doctor. For sheer h/c angst and suspense with a happy ending and a description of drowning that literally made my lungs hurt in sympathy, go for Hold on Tight, I’ll Hold My Breath. McKirk.

Zauzat’s Honourable Enemies is also a must; it has one of the most satisfyingly-crafted plot resolutions I’ve seen in fic. Everything from the beginning pays off at the end. Everything. It’s pretty much movie-ready, except it’s Spones, and I think Beyond is about the Sponesiest they’d ever be willing to go. https://archiveofourown.org/works/225404/chapters/341313

PrairieDawn’s A Matter of Trust strung me out for the past 24 agonizing weeks, but just finished; lucky you. Spones AU with Kirk and McCoy on a medical ship captained by Pike. Joanna was injured in the Vengeance incident and has telepathy issues. Spock is a healer. Makes good use of the Operation: Annihilate! premise. Crisp, evocative, compelling writing. 

JoulesMer does a bunch of effective McKirk stuff with Pike and Boyce. Try The Red Wheelbarrow, Xenopolycythemia, or S.O.S. Great for angst and feels and happiness, romance and self-sacrificing idiots. Some stuff is rather explicit.

Gammadolphin is another very entertaining writer who does a lot of McKirk/McSpirk and AUs. It’s all pretty worthwhile, even the incomplete ones. Try A Wish in the Dark for a Bulletproof Heart (similar premise to The Dorian Solution, actually). Also has a range of stuff from non-explicit to explicit.

The Time and Space Are Not Conditions By Which We Live Series by ijen: McSpirky mission moments.

…okay, I’m going to cut it here for my own sanity. Aren’t you sorry you asked?

[jimlingss]

I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT] 

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA 

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it! 

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right?  :D 

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

[uglypastels]

When You Say Nothing At All - Tom Holland movie AU (1/3)

(a/n) First story on the new blog!! I’m scared. 

This story is a Notting Hill AU. I have always loved this movie and when I recently rewatched it, I really realized how cheezy and pretty fanfic-y the plot it...so I decided to actually write a fanfic. The story is in a movie-turned-into-book format, so it is literally inspired by the movie. So, I do not own, nor claim any of this story as my own. Already putting it out there.

Alrighty then, here is part 1. I am not sure if I will actually post the other parts, because I’m not so sure if this is really that good. I also haven’t exactly finished the rest and it takes a loooooong time to do so. Tell me if you want to read the rest.

This is a re-post, because I am an idiot with anxiety and deleted the first one accidentally

word count: 10,281

warning: swearing, sexual themes, SPOILERS for NOTTING HILL

part 2

Tom’s POV - 1999 - London - Characters are in their late 20′s 

Of course, I have seen her films and always thought she was, well, gorgeous, but, you know, a million and million miles from the world I live in.

The world he lives in, which was here, Notting Hill. His favorite part of London.

Just as he did every day before going to work, Tom took a morning walk to enjoy the bizarre atmosphere that this region had. Like any other weekday, the market was spinning with people, where every fruit and vegetable known to man was sold and men were yelling: “Rock hard bananas, five for a pound!” To his right was the tattoo parlor, where a  man stepped through the door, looking rather confused at the new addition to his body. He looked as if he had just woken up on the couch that was inside and Tom wondered if he remembered why he had gotten “I love Ken” tattooed on his arm. He also wondered who Ken was and if he knew that his name was now permanently written on this blokes’ arm. Opposite the tattoo shop was the radical hairdressers, where everyone came out looking like the Cookie Monster, whether they wanted to or not. Just like the poor girl in the purple denim jacket.

Even though it was early in the morning, there were people everywhere. Tom was glad it wasn’t the weekend where from the break of day hundreds of stalls appear out of nowhere, filling Portobello Road, right up to Notting Hill Gate and wherever you look thousands of people are buying millions of antiques, some genuine, and some not quite so genuine.

Lots of friends have ended up in this part of London. For example Tony, who Tom could see talking to some delivery men, a bundle of fish in his hands. Tony looked rather happy with his new buy. Tom waved at him, hello, but his friend didn’t see it.  The architect turned chef had been busy for months with his new restaurant, which he invested in with all the money he ever earned.

That was pretty much all of Notting Hill, where Tom spend his days and years. In the small village in the middle of the city, in a house with a blue door that he had bought together with his wife who had left him after four years for a man who looked exactly like Harrison Ford. Which was ironic, because this was where he now lead a strange half-life with a lodger called:

“Harrison!” he yelled as he opened the blue door and almost immediately fell over a bike. Harrison ran down the stairs into the kitchen which was at the end of the corridor in which Tom stood right now. As usual, he wasn’t wearing anything but some khaki colored underwear. He didn’t want to think about if that was the original color.

“You couldn’t help me with an incredibly important decision, could you?” he said in his thick accent.  

“Is this important in comparison to, let’s say…” Tom started thinking as he walked to the kitchen to put down the loaf of bread that he had bought earlier. “Whether they should cancel Third World debt?”

“That’s right. I’m at last going out on a date with the great Janine and I just wanna be sure I’ve picked the right T-shirt.” He started explaining. Tom was turned with his back to him and couldn’t help but smile at the difference in their priorities.

“What are the choices?”

“Well, wait for it,” he said and ran back upstairs to his room. Tom waited as he put the bread in the toaster, taking his time. By the time he was done and in front of the stairs, Harrison was already running back down, pulling down the shirt. It was a slightly too big white t-shirt. It would have been fine if it wasn’t for the huge text that said: “I LOVE BLOOD” and the actual sticking out fish head in the middle of his torso in the pool of red.

“First, there’s this one,” He flicked the fish head, making it bounce back and forth, and made a little growl, “Cool, huh?” Tom stared at the shirt for a little bit, trying to figure out the right words to say to his flatmate. “Yeah, it might make it hard to strike a really romantic note,” he suggested.

“Point taken. Don’t despair.” Harrison ran back up the stairs, still talking: “if it’s romance we’re looking for, I believe I have just the thing.” Tom highly doubted it. He looked for some yogurt in the fridge while waiting for Harrison to get back.

He came back, with a now much tighter fitted shirt. The message was very simple: “GET IT HERE” together with a big black arrow pointed at his crotch.

“Yeah, well, there again, she might not think you had true love on your mind.”

“Right.” He seemed to understand but clearly didn’t have the same feeling about it as Tom did. “Just one more.” He ran away once again. Tom smiled to himself and walked back to the kitchen, grabbed something extra for his yogurt and then heard it was time again to take those three steps back to the stairs: “True love, here I come.” Harrison sang happily. Tom watched him run down those stairs for the tenth time and pulling down, another, white shirt over his upper body. Tom put a hand over his mouth at the sight of it. It was better than the last two options. Still not good, but better. The words “You’re the most beautiful woman in the WORLD” were surrounded by big red hearts. Harrison looked at him, awaiting an answer.

“Well, yeah. Yeah. that’s, that’s perfect.” he managed to say without laughing.

“Great. Thanks. Wish me luck.” Haz still looked at him waiting.

“Good luck.” He walked back upstairs with big steps of pride. When he had turned around Tom could see the message written on his back. “FANCY A FUCK?” He wanted to say something but thought better of it. He had to get to work.

It was just another hopeless Wednesday, as he walked a thousand yards through the market to work. Work, by the way, was the little travel bookshop “The Travel Book Co.”  which, well, sold travel books and to be frank, didn’t always sell many of those.

The store, just like the door of his house, was blue. The big window displayed a number of books that were for sale and two globes, in case it wasn’t clear to anyone that it was travel books that they could find here. In front of the window, outside, stood a small table on which more books were displayed.

“Morning, Martin” the small bell above the door rang as he pushed it open. The smell of old books was immediately present.

“Morning, Monseigneur,” said Martin as he was looking through some papers. He handed Tom the post and bills of the day. He knew what awaited them next. It was time to count up the sales. He walked up to the desk and pulled out the rest of the papers and a calculator. He dreaded this part of the day, that is why he had early on decided with Martin to do it in the morning. This way it would be over quickly, at least.

“Classic,” he sighed as the last numbers popped up on the small screen. “Profit from major sales push, minus £347.” He shared a look of disappointment with Martin and then wrote the sad number down in the notebook in front of him.

“Shall I go and get you a cappuccino?” Martin suggested. “You know, ease the pain a bit.”

“Yeah, yeah. Better make it a half. All I can afford.” his friend and employee laughed awkwardly. He just smiled, both of them were trying to ease the pain currently with some horrible humor.

“Get your logic. Demi-cappu coming right up.” He glanced at Tom and then walked to the door. The bell rang again as he pulled the door towards him. His green cardigan disappearing behind the corner as he walked to the small coffee house a few doors away. Tom wondered what he had done to deserve him in his life. Such a good person. Martin could easily find another job, a better job, but he didn’t want to leave his friend.

The moment he left, someone walked in. Tom barely glanced. The only thing he saw was a blur of black and white. The person carefully closed the door behind them. He looked again, feeling something familiar about them as he looked more properly. He couldn’t exactly place it, but it felt like he had seen the stranger before. Maybe she had visited the store earlier this week? Or the week before?

She was wearing a black, leather jacket over a plain white shirt. On her head, a black hat, with brown hair under it, and her eyes were covered by dark glasses. She walked over to the first bookcase and started to look around, every now and then pulling out a book and paging through it. From the position Tom was in, he could only see her shoulder properly, moving as she placed a book back in its original place.  

“Uhm, can I help you at all?” he asked. The woman peaked out her head from behind the shelves, looking a bit startled. At least he assumed so, as her eyes weren’t visible through the glasses.

“No, thanks, I’ll just look around.” Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. The American accent clear. He knew that this was a bookstore and people often tried to be quiet. But there was literally nobody else there except for them.

“Fine,” he said a bit dazed off. He still couldn’t place that face or that voice for that matter. He was sure he had at least heard her before but much louder. Not in the bookstore, then. She walked to the other side of the shelf, facing away from him. Now he could have a little more proper look at her…  or at least her back. Her shoulders were small, in a cute way. Her jacket oversized. From the way the top of her head reached a certain height of the shelves, he could assume that she wasn’t much shorter than him. He could also see a bag hanging off of her other shoulder. As she was looking through the books, she momentarily put her shopping bags on the ground.

She pulled out a book from the shelf, Tom could read the title, the Turkish Delights, from where he was standing behind the desk.  He had a great urge to say something to her, only he didn’t know what. As he looked at her go through the book, he blurted out: “That book’s really not great.”  She turned her head in his direction. “Er - just in case browsing turned to buying, you’d be wasting your money.”  he laughed nervously as he was clearly rambling on. She just smiled weakly. Letting him dig himself deeper into embarrassment. “But if it’s Turkey you’re interested in, this one,” Tom picked up a copy of a book that lay next to him on the desk, “on the other hand, is very good. Uhm...” he had no idea what to say, but she kept looking at him and he felt the need to keep talking. Her stare was getting a bit too much for him so he looked down at the book. “I think the man who wrote it has actually been to Turkey, which helps. Uhm, there’s also a very amusing incident with a kebab… which is one of many amusing incidents.”

The beautiful stranger (because she was definitely beautiful, there was no denying that) smiled and said: “Thanks, I’ll think about it.” She already looked away, putting her attention back to the book she was holding, but his tongue slipped up again and the rambling continued.

“Or, in the bigger hard-back variety, there’s…”  He looked at the bookcase behind him. While he did, his eyes slipped down to the small tv screen next to it, where he could see a man putting a book down his trousers. “I’m sorry, can you just give me a second?” He put the book down and walked to the back corner of the store, that was separated by a wall and slightly bigger shelves.

“Excuse me,” he said. The man popped up from behind the books. His eyes were wide, his hair all over the place and the shirt untucked messily.  “Yes?” he asked.

“Bad news.” Tom crossed his arms and looked at him.

“What?” The man looked very confused and startled. Tom pointed at the corner of the ceiling. “Er -We’ve got uhm, a security camera in this bit of the shop.” The man still didn’t seem to understand as he asked: “So?”

“So, I saw you put that book down your trousers.”

“What book?” He was changing his weight from one leg to the other, making it even more obvious that he was anxious. Tom sighed, pointing at his crotch and saying: “The one down your trousers.”

“I don’t have a book down my trousers.” His words were slightly slurred, making Tom worried that he could be drunk or high. He looked away from him in frustration.

“Right, I tell you what,  uhm, I’ll call the police and uhm, what can I say, if I’m wrong about the whole book-down-the-trousers scenario, I really apologize.”  Tom was not sure if it had been possible, but the stranger’ eyes widened even more.  

“Okay. What if I did have a book down my trousers?” Tom couldn’t believe this guy. Was he so drunk, or actually just that big of a moron?

“Well, ideally, when I went back to the desk you’d remove the Cadogan Guide to Bali from your trousers and either wipe it and put it back, or buy it.” He smiled at the drunk idiot. “I’ll see you in a sec.” he left him back there and walked back to the desk. The girl in the leather jacket was now standing there too. Tom had heard footsteps so he already expected it. “I’m sorry about that.” he walked behind the small piece of furniture. She was looking down at her book.

“No, it’s fine. I was gonna steal one but now I’ve changed my mind.” She smiled and Tom couldn’t help but laugh slightly. He glanced back at the tv screen to check up on the weirdo.

“Oh, signed by the author, I see.” she glanced at the front pages of the book. It made him look up from the screen.

“Uhmm, yeah, couldn’t stop him. If you can find an unsigned one, it’s worth an absolute fortune.” She puffed out a laugh. Right then the man from the back of the shop walked up. Tom was about to send him off when he approached his other customer. “Excuse me.”

“Yes?” she looked a bit uncomfortable at him.

“Can I have your autograph?” he handed her a piece of paper. The girl looked unsure at him and then around for something to write with. Tom gave her the pen he had in your hand: “Here.”

“What’s your name?” She asked. Her tone was very monotone and he knew that, really, she didn’t want to do it.  

“Rufus.” He rolled on the back of his feet like a child, scratching his patchy beard. Tom watched the girl in the leather jacket scribble down a few words on the paper. It took him some time to figure out the words as he had been looking at it from upside down, but once he had it, he let out a little snort. She handed the paper back to Rufus. He, apparently, still couldn’t read it because he asked: “What does it say?”

“That’s my signature, and above it,” she pointed at the top of the old paper, “it says, Dear Rufus, you belong in jail.” Rufus clearly didn’t seem to get it because he smiled and said: “Good one.” The girl gave him a smile that was the equivalent of an eye roll and turned to you. Rufus asked again: “Do you want my phone number?”

“Tempting, but no.” there was a silence. Rufus started walking away. Tom just stood there, trying to comprehend what had just happened. This girl was famous, he knew that. He had seen her before somewhere, but where?

“I will take this one.” she pushed the book a bit towards him and that got Tom out of his frozen state.

“Oh, right, right.” He opened the book to check the price, “So, well, on second thoughts maybe it’s not that bad after all.” He ticked in the numbers into the machine, the paper started printing. “Actually, it’s sort of a classic, really. None of those childish kebab stories you find in so many books these days.” He tried to joke. It didn’t work as she handed him a banknote without a reaction except for a polite smile. It was more than the prize, so he started to look for the correct coins to give as change.

“You know what, I’ll throw in one of these for free.” He showed her a book that just happened to lay nearby. He wished he could sink underground, or at least that she would say something back. Still, he couldn’t manage to close his own mouth: “Useful for, you know, lighting fires, wrapping fish, that sort of thing.” She finally managed to break out a smile. He packed the two books in the basic orange-brown bag and handed it back to her.

“Thanks,” she said.

“Pleasure,” he replied. Both of them smiled politely and she started to walk away. Soon that bell rang again and she was gone. Tom was alone in the store. The confusion now spread over his features. Who was she? Why did she feel so familiar? Should he have asked her for a signature too?

His legs moved him towards the table in the big space at the front of the shop. He wasn’t sure why he walked there. Maybe to get another glimpse of her? But by the time he got to the window, she was already gone. There was another movement on the street, though. The green cardigan and brown tie flopped around Martin as he walked back. Two cups of coffee balanced on top of each other in one hand as he tried to open the door with the other.

“Here we are. Cappuccino, as ordered.” he put one cup in front of Tom, who still looked out the window in a daydreaming kind of way. Only he wasn’t daydreaming. He knew that the girl was actually real. Only, who was she?

“Thanks,” Tom said as he watched the other man sip from his hot drink. Still, the thought of the girl was in his mind. Was it her? But what would she be doing in Notting Hill? Still, it couldn’t be... “I don’t think you’ll believe who was just in here.” Martin looked up from his cup, eyes full of excitement, but the excitement that could also be anxiety.

“Who?” His head shot towards the window and then back. “Was it someone famous?” Now that Martin had said it out loud, the idea seemed too crazy to be real.

“No, no, no,” Tom changed his mind.

“Would be exciting though, wouldn’t it, if someone famous came into the shop?” He was about to put the cup back up to his lips when another sentence formed: “Do you know, this is - this is pretty amazing, but I once saw Ringo Starr.”

“Where was that?” Tom asked curiously.

“Kensington High Street.” there was a scratch in his excitement. ‘At least I think it was Ringo. It might have been that man from Fiddler On The Roof. You know, Toppy.” He scratched his nose.

“Top-ol,” Tom corrected his friend. The story seemed more and more unlikely to have happened, but it was still rather enjoyable to listen.

“Yes, that’s right. Topol.” Martin drank some more of his coffee. The small amount of it was already mostly gone as he had to work for it to get into his mouth, Tom started thinking.

“Actually, Ringo Starr doesn’t look at all like Topol.”

“Yeah, but he was quite a long way away from me.”  

“So actually it could’ve been neither of them,” Tom suggested. There was a silence.

“Yes, I suppose so, yes.” Another silence between the two men.

“It’s not a classical anecdote, is it?”

“Not a classic, no. No.” They both agreed on it and once again, another silence fell as they both sipped from their incredibly small coffees. It was gone in less than two sips.

“Another one?”  Tom asked once they were both finished. Martin sighed deeply, looking down at his paper cup. Then, a spark lit up in him as he changed his mind: “No! Let’s go crazy. I’ll have an orange juice.”

As Martin was the one who had gotten the coffee the first time, it was only right if Tom bought the juice now. He stepped outside and started walking right. Behind him, there were two men trying to lift up a big painting that would be sold in the new Panton Gallery that would open soon opposite of the bookshop.

Once in the small coffee shop, which was really a sandwich shop, Tom ordered the orange juice and a something more for a second breakfast. He hadn’t gotten to eat as much as he had liked since Harrison kept on nagging about his upcoming date with Janine. While he waited for his order, he looked around at the already well-known to him purple walls and the new advertisements that were stuck to the notice board. There didn’t seem to be anything interesting.

“Okay, thanks. Bye-bye.” The clerk gave him his drink and sandwich.

“See you later,” Tom said and made his way back outside. It was crowded in the sandwich shop, with people sitting at all the tables, of which a few barely fit in the space by itself already. Outside, there were also some people sitting and enjoying their food and drinks.

The sun hit Tom in the eyes as he got out. He followed the collection of small trees that stood in front of the unused garages all the way to the corner of the street. The sun was even brighter, making Tom look away.

Suddenly he felt something solid against him, scaring him a bit and spilling the orange juice in his hand everywhere, including on himself and the girl he had just bumped into. They both exclaimed in shock. The girl, unfortunately, had caught most of the blow of the cold beverage. Her white shirt now mostly bright orange.

“Shit! Bugger!” Tom threw the cup and his forgotten sandwich on the floor.

“Oh my god!” The girl from the bookshop was still in shock from the sudden cold that hit her in the chest.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He repeated himself. He had a tissue in his pocket and took it out to wipe off the possible. “Here let me…”

“Get your hands off!’ She shrieked. There was a little laugh hidden in there. Tom understood that the move wasn’t very appropriate. He could see a few people around them give him a few strange looks.

“I’m really sorry. I… live just over the street.” He pointed out front of himself, in the general direction of his house. The girl was trying to get any juice she could, off of herself and her bags. “I uhm, have water and soap. You can get cleaned up.” She didn’t seem to be very enthusiastic about the idea.

“No thank you. I just need to get my car back.” She shook off some last drops from her hands and started to walk away, looking around for (probably) her car. Annoyance was very clear in her tone.

“I also have a phone. I’m confident that in five minutes we can have you spick and span and back on the street again.” He realized quickly how that sounded. The girl had turned around to look at him. “In the non-prostitute sense, obviously.” She was still mad and didn’t want to laugh, but when she had turned her head away, he could see the corner of her lips go up just a little. She brushed off some hair that had stuck to her cheek.

“All right,” She gave in, but not completely yet, “Well, what do you mean “just over the street”? Give it to me in yards.” Tom wasn’t sure how many yards exactly it would be to his blue door, but he gave it a shot: “Uhm, eighteen yards. That’s my house there with the blue front door.” He pointed again to his door The girl turned around to look for herself. She looked very hesitant but agreed to it in the end. Probably because the now sticky shirt was getting uncomfortable.

They walked in silence to his house. Tom prayed that Harrison had cleaned up at least a bit before he left to go see Janine. That was not the case.

“Come on in. I’ll just, I’ll just…” he ran in front of her into the corridor to clean up as much as he could before she could see the mess that the house actually was. There were old pizza boxes everywhere, shoes lying around in the middle of the floor. On the table lay plates from yesterday's breakfast. He didn’t know where to put them as the sink had been full for over four days already.

“Uhm, right. Right.” The girl was still at the door. “Come in. It’s not quite as tidy as it normally is, I fear.” He hoped she would believe him. “But the bathroom’s on the top floor. And the telephone’s just up here.” he showed her up the stairs and behind the wall. Even with a gigantic orange stain on her shirt, she still looked very well put together. She looked down at her bags, not sure what to do with them.

“Here, let me…” he took them from her and put them next to the stairs. She slowly walked up, not sure where to go next.

“Round the corner, straight on - straight on up.” She disappeared on the second part of the staircase. The time she was gone, Tom took to tidy up a bit more. He cursed Harrison for leaving it such a mess. He had clearly left him a message to clean up this morning. He started to gather around plates and cups and threw them next to the sink. There stood an old pan of baked beans too, he tried to throw it out, but the beans had gotten cold and hard and wouldn’t budge from their container.

He was about done swiping clean the table when he heard footsteps upstairs. He looked up. The girl looked stunning. She had exchanged her simple black pants - white shirt combo with a two-piece black sparkling ensemble… was he using that word correctly, he didn’t know for sure. The crop top and knee-length skirt showed her midriff perfectly. She was still wearing her oversized leather jacket and her beret and glasses were now gone. Tom could finally see her face properly. He couldn’t believe it. It was actually her!

They shared an awkward smile and Tom felt again the need to say something: “Er -” She let out a small sigh, looking a bit annoyed. It threw him off a bit. “Would you like a cup of tea before you go?”

“No.” She shook her head.

“Coffee?”

“No.”

“Orange juice?” She gave him one of those are-you-kidding-me looks. “Probably not.” He felt like he owed her something. “Uhm, something else cold?” He went over to the fridge to look inside. She was looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Coke? Water?” He looked around some more. There wasn’t much else in the fridge that he could give her. “Some disgusting sugary drink pretending to have something to do with fruits of the forest?”

“No,” her voice came out as a whisper.

“Would you like something to eat? Something to nibble?” What was wrong with him? Those were not words you should say to strangers. “Apricots soaked in honey? Quite why, no one knows, because it stops them tasting of apricots and makes them taste like honey, and if you wanted honey you’d just buy honey instead of apricots.” He pulled the glass jar out of the fridge. He needed to have something in his hands or at least something else to look at except for her.

“But nevertheless, there we go, they’re yours if you want them.” He showed her the jar full of honey covered apricots.

“No.” It was the millionth time he heard her say it.

“Do you always say “no” to everything?” He was thinking out loud. She looked around, thinking about her answer and then said, with half a smile: “No.”  Tom closed the fridge. “I’d better be going. Thanks for your, uh,” She was looking for a word, “help.”

Tom leaned against the fridge. “You’re welcome. And may I also say, um, heavenly. I’ll just take my one chance to say it. After you’ve read that terrible book you’re certainly not gonna be coming back to the shop.” He looked down at the ground.

“Thank you.” She actually smiled.

“Yeah, well, my pleasure.” He smiled back. The girl now turned around and made her way through the tight corridor towards the door. Tom followed her.

“So… “ They stood next to the door now. “It was nice to meet you.” Looking at her, he had no idea what he was doing. He could feel his hand run through his hair as he said: “Surreal, but nice.” She just smiled, glancing at the door. Tom pulled at the lock and opened the door for her, saying a quick “sorry” for making her wait. She walked out without saying a word and he closed the door behind her.

“Surreal, but nice? What was I thinking?” he whispered to himself, in case she could still hear him through the heavy door. He was already walking back to the kitchen when the doorbell rang. He didn’t want the person to wait, so he jogged back to the door and opened it. There she was again. Her sunglasses back on her face. She smiled widely and said: “Hi.”

“Hi,” Tom replied, not expecting to see her again.

“I forgot my other bag,” she explained.

“Oh, right. Right.” A part of Tom was happy that he could see her again, but another was disappointed that she only rang the doorbell to get her bag. He let her back in. He walked to the chair he had put the bag on before and could hear the sound of the door closing. When he got back to her, she stood next to Harrison’s old bike. He handed her the bag and she mumbled “thanks”.  

Now they stood in silence again. She smiled and Tom could see her eyes glance down at his lips. So, he did too. Her lips were getting bigger, no closer. He wasn’t sure how that was possible. And then, he could feel them on his own. She put an arm around his neck to be even closer to him.

Tom couldn't move. His arms were on his side. It was a very simple kiss, but it lasted ages. Only when they needed to breathe, did she pull away. Very slowly. She took a step back. Tom didn’t know what to do. He had never been in a situation like this before. To be kissed by a girl he had just met? It was surreal! Surreal.

“I’m very sorry about the surreal, but nice comment. Disaster.” She kept looking back between his lips and his eyes.

“That’s okay.” She focused on his eyes. “I thought the apricot and honey thing was the real low point.” Tom laughed. They looked into each other's eyes in silence until the clattering of the doorknob broke the moment apart. She turned to look what it was, and so did he. Tom knew what was next to come.

“Oh, my god! My flatmate. I’m sorry. There is no excuse for him.” he quickly apologized for Harrison’s sake before the blond opened the door. The two watched the door open and Harrison walked in. Half a smoked cigarette still in his mouth. He was wearing a brown shirt, probably from the female section, that was two sizes too small and blue jogging pants, which were so low that half his ass was falling out. He walked past them, not even acknowledging their company.  Even though they exchanged “hi”s.

“I’m just going into the kitchen to get some food.” He shouted through the house as he walked. “Then I’m gonna tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.” He heard the fridge door open.

“Probably best not to tell anyone about this.” She raised her eyebrows, implicating what they had just done.

“Right. Right, no one… I mean, I’ll tell myself sometimes, but, don’t worry, I won’t believe it.” She smiled and the two of them walked to the door. He opened it for her one more time and she walked through.

“Goodbye,” she smiled. Tom could only make out a small “Bye.” before the door was closed.  He leaned his arm against the lock and, just, stood there for a moment. Trying to comprehend what just happened. He had kissed (Y/F/N)! The (Y/F/N). The biggest up-and-coming actress Hollywood had to offer. How? What had he done to be able to say he kissed… no, she kissed him.

“There’s something wrong with this yogurt.” Harrison shook Tom out of his own thoughts. Tom looked at the small container. “It’s not yogurt. It’s mayonnaise.”

“Oh, right. There we are, then.” and he took another full spoon of the condiment into his mouth. “On for a video fest tonight?” he suggested with his mouth full. Tom was barely listening. The kiss still fresh in his memory. “I got some absolute classics.”

Tom wasn’t sure if Harrison was joking him, because the first movie he picked was one of hers. Gramercy Park, it was called. Her face was on the cover of the movie, together with some bloke named Matthew Modine. It didn’t look great, but Tom didn’t have anything else to do, so he agreed on watching it.

“Smile,” Modine’s character begged hers in an art gallery. For some artistic decisions, the movie was black and white. Tom couldn’t understand why. The two characters walked around, looking at the paintings in the room. He couldn’t remember why they were there, he wasn’t really paying attention to the movie itself, honestly. Just her. He still couldn’t believe it that he had met the beautiful girl on the screen. Of course, her hair was different, but for the rest, it was definitely her!

“No.,” she said.  

“Smile,” Modine repeated himself. He had done it already four times. Each time as annoying to watch.

“I’ve got nothing to smile about.” the two sat down on a bench that just happened to be in the otherwise, furniture free, gallery.

“Okay, in about seven seconds, I’m going to ask you to marry me.” the two characters shared a look. Then, (Y/N) started smiling.

“Imagine,” Harrison spoke up. In his hand a piece of pizza that had been hanging there since three scenes ago. “Somewhere in the world, there’s a man who’s allowed to kiss her.”

“Yeah, she is…” Tom couldn’t look away from the small tv screen, “fairly fabulous.”

____________________

Tom stood in his bookshop. As usual, it was empty, except for one man.  He had been standing around for a few minutes already. In the middle of the shop, just looking around himself. “Do you have any books by Dickens?” he finally asked. Tom looked up from his inventory.

“No. No, I’m afraid we’re a travel bookshop. We only sell travel books.” The man didn’t seem to understand. He didn’t look exactly to be well. A bit pale and dried up. His suit also looked slightly too big for him.

“Oh, right. How about the new John Grisham thriller?”

“Well, no, because that’s a novel, too, isn’t it?”

“Oh right.” His eyes looked a  bit glassy as he continued to gaze around the room, nowhere in particular. The man sighed deeply. “Have you got Winnie-the-Pooh?” Tom was officially done with this individual. The knew that Martin should be there somewhere, so he called out: “Martin, your customer.” Martin, this time wearing a big red cardigan, purple shirt, and a blue tie, popped up from behind a wall. He definitely had not heard the conversation Tom had with the man because he pleasantly asked: “Can I help you?”

A ring of the bell above the entrance made Tom turn around. It was probably just the strong wind that had been roaming around the street the whole day because there was nobody there when he looked. What he did see, was a double-decker bus driving in front of them right then. On there, the advertisement for the movie HELIX. He knew it would be coming out in cinemas soon, but that was about it. As the bus moved along, he saw her face. Of course, she would be the star of it. There almost hasn’t been a movie without her for the last two years.

It had been two days since the orange juice incident, Tom felt like he couldn’t avoid (Y/N). Her perfect face was everywhere. It was sad because he knew that in reality, he would never see her again.

The next morning Tom was making his way up the stairs, to the bathroom, when Harrison came walking downstairs. For some unknown reason, he was wearing Tom’s red scuba gear. His flatmate walked past him with a nonchalant “Hey” and left Tom confused on the stairs.

“Just, incidentally, why are you wearing that?” Tom asked at the breakfast table. He was looking at Harrison who stood by the (still very full) sink eating a bowl of cereal, a cigarette between the same fingers in which he held the spoon...

“Combination of factors really,” he said as he ate. “Uhm, no clean clothes…”

“There never will be, you know, unless you actually clean your clothes.”

“Right,” he nodded, “Vicious circle.”

“Yeah.” Tom agreed.

“And I was, like, rooting round in your things and I found this and I thought: Cool.” Tom looked at Harrison properly. Cool, was not a word he would use. The scuba-suit was definitely one of the less extravagant pieces of wardrobe Harrison has ever worn, but it was still a scuba-suit.

“Kinda spacey,” he added.

It was a Saturday, so the two men decided to do what they usually did when they didn’t have plans. They went up to the roof. It was a very pleasant spot where you could look out on the city, without the city looking back at you.

Tom sat down on a chair, under a parasol, while Harrison lounged himself on a slightly higher bit of the roof, next to the flower pots of which the residents had died many moons ago. He lay down on his side.

“There’s something wrong with the goggles, though.” Harrison tried to adjust them to his face.

“No, they were prescription,” Tom explained, not looking up from whatever article he was reading.

“Groovy.” Harrison sat up.

“So I could see all the fishes properly.”

“You should do more of this stuff.” He adjusted the goggles again. Tom doubted if his friend over there could actually see anything through them whether or not he moved them around in some way.

“So, look, any messages today?”  He put down his article on the small table next to him.

“Yeah, I wrote a couple down. Harrison got up and walked over to another piece of the roof, where his own set of table and garden chairs stood. It was fully in the sun and Harrison often, unfortunately, lay there naked. Hoping to get a tan someday.

“So, there were two, there were two messages? Right?”  He watched as Harrison walked over to the other chairs and sat down, putting his feet up on another chair in front of him. He pulled down the goggles so they would hang around his neck. “You want me to write down all your messages?” He waved with his cigarette as he talked.

Tom didn’t understand how he managed to live with this idiot for this long. He also didn’t understand how he had not yet bought an answering machine. Massaging his temple, he asked: “Okay, Who are the ones that you didn’t write down from?” Harrison took a swing from his cigarette and thought for a moment.

“No, gone completely.” But immediately after that, he remembered again: “Oh, no, there was one from your mum. She said: don’t forget lunch, and her leg’s hurting again.”

“No one else?”

“Absolutely no one else.” Tom looked at Harrison for a moment, ready for him to add something to his sentence. But he only leaned back relaxed in his chair. After six seconds, Tom gave up and went back to the article he was reading. Of course, right at that moment, Harrison started talking again. “Though if we’re going for this obsessive writing-down-all-the-message thing, some American girl called (Y/N) called a few days ago.” Tom’s head shot back up. She called? How was that even possible?  He wanted to play it a bit cool.  “What did she say?” he asked.

“Well, it was genuinely bizarre. She said: Hi, it’s (Y/N). Then she said, Call me at The Ritz. And then gave herself a completely different name.”

“Which was?” Tom dragged him on.

“Absolutely no idea.” He took another breath of his cigarette. “Remembering one name’s hard enough.” Tom groaned in frustration and got up from his slightly uncomfortable chair. He made his way downstairs, to the living room-study where the phone was located. He had to look for the telephone book to find the number for the Ritz. Of course, it was hidden underneath a pile of Harrison’s dirty clothes.

Once he had the number for the hotel, he ticked it into the machine and waited for the other line to answer. It soon did. A man asked him who he wanted to speak to. Tom knew that it probably wouldn’t be (Y/F/N). It was probably the name that she had left with Harrison… which he forgot. He tried anyway. The man said that there was nobody staying here under this name.

“No, I know that. She said that. I know she’s using another name. The problem is she left the message with my flatmate,” Tom looked at Harrison who very calmly and casually sat down on the couch in front of him and opened up the newspaper. A new cigarette in his mouth. “Which was a very serious mistake. Uhm…” he didn’t know how to explain it to the man on the other line. “Imagine, if you will, the stupidest person you’ve ever met. Are you doing that?”

“Yes, sir, I have him in my mind.” he heard.

“And now double it. And that is the, what can I say, the git that I am living with. And he can’t remember this other…”

“Try Flintstone,” Harrison said. His voice sounded very nasally because he was wearing those goggles again. Tom looked up at him in complete disbelief.

“Sorry,” he said to the man from the hotel. “What?”  

“I think she said her name was Flintstone.” Tom rolled his eyes. A cartoon character? Really? But he had no other options, so he took his shot in the dark: “I don’t suppose Flintstone rings any bells, does it?’ He was expecting the man to laugh at him, but instead, the man said: ‘Well, I’ll put you right through, sir.”  He couldn’t believe it. While the line was being switched he tried to think of what he should say. That was cut short when her voice was heard. “Hello.” He put the phone back to his ear.

“Hi. Sorry. Uhm…It’s Tom, Holland.” He wasn’t sure she would know who he was.

“Yes?”

“We… I work in a bookshop.” He sat down, not sure his legs could hold him up during this conversation. He wasn’t very hopeful that she remembered who he was. But she did. “You played it pretty cool there, waiting for three days to call.”

“Oh, no, I promise you I’ve never played anything cool in my entire life. My flatmate, who I’ll stab to death later, never gave me the message.” he tried to explain himself. She didn’t say anything. This was his chance. “I don’t know, perhaps… uhm, I could drop round for tea later or something?” She didn’t say anything for a while.

‘Things are pretty busy here. I might be free at around 4:00.”

“Right. Right. Great.” They said their bye’s and he could hear the other line hang up. He held the phone in his hand for a second or nine before putting it down. He looked at Harrison, who had put down his paper and took a long swing from his cigarette. Before blowing out the smoke that had built up in his lungs, he put the goggles back over his eyes. Tom could suddenly see smoke coming out from underneath the goggles.

At around 3:30, Tom decided to leave the house. Not only have at least ten minutes to spare in case any traffic came up but also because he was starting to get tired of Harrison blowing smoke in his goggles and then yelling that his eyes burned.

He took the bus. Getting out as quickly as possible. He crossed the street and looked at the entrance of the Ritz. He had never even been close to the building. With his lower than low income, he didn’t exactly feel worthy to be around it.

Walking in, a whiff of richness could be felt. It wasn’t very pleasant. He had walked to the front desk and asked in which room “Miss Flintstone” was staying and then headed to the elevators. The man had said to go to the fortepiano and to the right. So that is what he did.

A man in a black suit walked in with him. In one hand he was holding a briefcase and in the other a cup of coffee.

“Which floor?” Tom asked.

“Three, please.” That just so happened to be the same as his. The doors closed and they were ascending. Not much later the elevator stopped and they got out. Tom glanced at the little navigation sign on which it stated which rooms were on each side of the corridor and made his way to the right. The man took a bit more time doing so but followed him in the same direction. He walked behind him until the very end of the corridor, all the way up to room number 38, the Trafalgar Suite. Before Tom knocked he turned around to the man. “Are you… sure?”  Was he here too to see (Y/N).

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, Sure.” He smiled. Tom knocked on the door. They waited for the door to be opened. Even though the other man stood a good distance away from him, Tom still had the feeling he could feel his breath on his neck. He felt very uncomfortable. Who was he? What was he doing here?

The door suddenly opened, revealing a woman around his (and maybe also the other man’s) age. Tom had never seen her before. She was barely looking at them, too occupied by whatever it was in her hands.

“Hi. Hi. I’m Karen.” Karen handed him a booklet, on which a the same picture was that he had been seeing all over town recently. It was (Y/N), in her futuristic bob-cut, from her new movie HELIX. “I’m sorry, things are running a little bit late. Here’s the uhm, thing. Do you wanna come this way?” She went back inside.”Through here.” Not knowing what to do, Tom just followed and so did the ginger man. There were many other people in the room. All looking like they have been waiting for a while, all holding the same booklet that Karen had given to him. Tom finally understood what was going on. This was a press conference.

“So what did you think of the film?” Karen clicked her pen, ready to write down their words.

“Yeah, I thought it was fantastic. I thought it was Close Encounters meets Jean de Florette.” the ginger man said. Karen smiled satisfied. Then the two of them looked at Tom, expecting him to add to it. He did not know what he thought of the movie as he had not seen it, nor - honestly - was he actually planning on seeing it. Because he had to say something, he choked out: “I agree.” The man nodded approvingly and swung his coffee cup back to drink the last bit of his drink.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get down what magazines you’re from.”

“Time Out.” the man said.

“Great,” she noted the name, then looked up at Tom, “and you’re from?” Tom was very much freaking out. He was definitely not from any magazine. He can’t even remember the last time he read one. He tried to look around unnoticed for some inspiration. Thankfully, on a small table nearby, there was a whole pile of magazines. Hidden behind a vase of flowers. It was the only option he got.

“Er- Horse & Hound.” The man next to him smiled impressed. Tom smirked back. Karen wrote down the name too. As (Y/N) had said that they could meet up today, he assumed that she was expecting him.

He cleared his throat: “The name’s Tom Holland. Actually, she might be expecting me.”

“Oh, okay.” She didn’t sound very impressed but went along with it. “Take a seat and I’ll go check.” Karen smiled and walked away. The ginger man still stood by him. He pointed at a small couch and asked if they should sit down. They did so. As they walked over to it, the man started a conversation: “I see you’ve… I see you’ve brought her some flowers.” he pointed at the small bouquet. Tom had completely forgotten about them. It was rather pathetic now that he thought about it. He started laughing: “No. These are.. for my… grandmother. She’s in a hospital down the road. Thought I’d kill two birds with one stone, you know.” The man nodded.

“Sure, right. Absolutely, yeah.” Tom turned around slightly, hoping the conversation was now over. Unfortunately, for him, it was not. “Which hospitals that?” Tom wanted to tell the man to mind his own business but thought it would be quite rude to do so.

“Do you mind me not saying? It’s a rather distressing thing, isn’t it?” he was impressed by himself, really. “The name of the hospital kind of gives it away.”

“Absolutely. Sure.” the man agreed. Tom thanked him with a “Cheers.” There was a very awkward silence between them. Tom did not know if this was much better than the conversation.

“Right, Mr. Holland,” Karen popped up through the crowd of journalists from a different corridor than into which one she had disappeared, “If you come this way.”

“Right.” Tom got up. He walked over to Karen who showed him towards a room a bit away from where everyone was standing and waiting. “You’ve got five minutes.” She opened a door for him and walked away. The room was oval shaped. Very roomy and very classy. The beige color of the walls was repeated in the furniture, ceiling, drapes, and carpet. Parallel to the door was a big window looking out on the city. In front of it stood (Y/N). she had her back facing him but turned around the moment he walked in. Just like the last time he saw her, she was beautiful. Even with the light making her only a silhouette. She walked away from the window with a big smile. Tom could now see her more properly. Yes, she was beautiful. Dressed in a full suit, including a tie, she showed all the power in her that the world needed to see. Her hair was tied back in a slick ponytail.

“Hi.” He said. She responded with a simple “Hello.”

“Uhm, I brought these, but clearly…” he looked around the room, where gigantic bushes of flowers stood in every spot that fit.

“No, they’re great. They’re great.” She smiled and took them from him. Tom didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry about not ringing back.” he apologized when she put down the flowers on the table in front of them. “The whole two-names concept was totally too much for my flatmate’s pea-sized intellect.”

“No, it’s a stupid privacy thing. I always pick a cartoon character.”  thankfully she didn’t seem to be very angry at him, technically, ignoring her for three days. “Last time I was Mrs. Bmbi.” she laughed at her own choice. The door of the room closed as a man stepped in, making them both look away from each other. The man was older, already at the point where his barely-there hair was completely white. He was wearing all black, so Tom assumed it was some type of security.

“Everything all right?”  he asked.

“Yes, thank you.” (Y/N) smiled at the man, who brought his attention to Tom.

“And you’re from Horse & Hound?” Tom just nodded. “Good.” Then he turned around and started going through some papers.

“Is that so?” (Y/N) smiled, probably holding in a bigger one underneath it, and sat down on the big couch. Not wanting to be inappropriate, Tom sat down in a chair next to it. His eyes were still on the man. He couldn’t have the conversation he wanted to have, while he was there. They would have him kicked out before he actually asked anything.

“So..uhm, I’ll just fire away, then, shall I?” he looked unsure at (Y/N), who glanced at the man in the round corner of the room and smirked. She waited for his first question.

“Right...er- The film’s great.” Always a good way to start, he thought. “And I just was wondering whether you ever thought of having more, uh, horses in it?” The man cleared his throat. It was unsure if it was towards Tom and his ridiculously idiotic question, or it was actually needed. Especially, that he didn’t even seem to be paying attention, as he was checking her mail. (Y/N) answered as she glanced over at him: “Well, we would have like to, but it was difficult, obviously, being set in space.” Tom seemed to blank out for a minute. At this moment he felt like a bigger idiot than Harrison.

“Space, right, yeah. Yeah, obviously very difficult.” The door opened again and the man left. Tom didn’t even wait to make sure he couldn’t hear them. “I’m so sorry. I arrived outside, they thrust this into my hand.” he showed her the movie booklet that he had earlier on put down.

“No, it’s my fault. I thought this would all be over by now.” she sighed. “I just wanted to sort of apologizing for the kissing thing. I seriously don’t know what came over me.” Tom could feel the smile on his face slowly lower itself. He didn’t know what he had expected from this conversation, but this somehow was not it. “I just wanted to make sure that you were fine about it.”

Tom froze for a moment. Of course, he was fine about it. The kiss was amazing. He knew that he probably should say it out loud too. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely fine.” He had to play it cool, though. Once again, the heavy door opened and closed. The bold man came in again.

“Do remember that Miss (Y/L/N) is also keen to talk about her next project which she is shooting later in the summer.” He walked over to them to pour a glass of water for (Y/N). Tom was sure she could perfectly well do it herself and that there was no particular reason for the man to be there now.

“Yes, excellent. Excellent.” He did not want to talk about her next project, but since the man was still there, he had no other choice. “Any horses in that one?” She looked at him with a sad smile. He knew very well that this attempt at an interview was not going great at all. “Or hounds for that matter?” he added quickly. “Our readers are equally intrigued by both species.”

“It takes place on a submarine,” she explained disappointedly.

“Oh, well, bad luck.” he glanced over at the man, who did not seem to be very keen on leaving. “But if there were horses in it, would you be riding them, or would you be getting a stunt-horse-double-man-thing?” he could hear the man walk away with a sigh, opening the door, and closing it behind him.

“I’m a complete moron, I apologize.” he took a deep breath. “This is very weird. It’s the sort of thing that happens in dreams, not in real life. I mean, good dreams. It’s a dream, in fact, to see you again.” He looked away, not believing what he had just said. Her next words were soft, almost a whisper: “What happens next in the dream?”

Her smile took his breath away for a moment there. Once he managed to talk, he thought for a moment. “I suppose that in the uhm, dream, dream scenario, I just change my personality,” he wished he was more confident around her, less of a bumbling idiot. “Because you can do that in dreams and uhm... “ They were looking into each other's eyes. Tom was not sure if she was actually moving closer to him or he was just imagining it. “And walk over and kiss the girl. But…” they both started to lean in. This was happening. Now he was prepared. He could do it.

The only problem was, it was not happening. The old security man came in through the door, making Tom and (Y/N) sit up and look away from each other. Breaking any tension there was between them.

“Time’s up, I’m afraid. Did you get what you wanted?” Tom wanted to punch the stupid grin off of his face. Of course, he didn’t get what he wanted. But he had to keep calm.

“Nearly. Nearly,” he said, fidgeting in his chair a bit.

“Well, maybe just one last question,” he smirked towards (Y/N). It was very unnerving to look at. She smiled and said: “sure, sure.” The man left again. It was all very annoying.

“Are you busy tonight?” Tom asked when the door clicked in the lock.

“Yes.” She simply stated.

“Right. Right.” He understood. Of course, the biggest movie star in Hollywood would be busy. She doesn’t have time for him. What was he thinking? There was a silence between them. Very awkward.

“Come in,” The man walked in, This time followed by a Clark Kent looking type. (Y/N) got up, so Tom assumed it was really time to go for him. They politely shook hands and she said: “Well, it was nice to meet you.”

“Yes, and you.”

“Surreal, but nice.” She smirked. Tom laughed at the comment. It will haunt him for the rest of his life, probably.

“Thank you,” he said, “You are Horse & Hound’s favorite actress.” the comment made her laugh out loud a little. “You and Black Beauty tied.” He wished he could kiss her, but the men next to them made it impossible. So, he walked away. Not looking back. He was not exactly pleasantly surprised to see the ginger man standing outside. When he saw Tom, he told whoever he was talking to on the phone, to hang on.

“How was she?” He asked interestedly.

“Oh, um…” the question threw him off a bit. “Fabulous.”

“Excellent.” they were about to part, but the man stopped him again. “Wait a minute, she took your grandmother’s flowers?” he looked confused. So did Tom. Grandmother’s flowers? What was he on about? Then he remembered his poor excuse.

“Yeah, yeah. That’s right. Bitch.”

“Mr. Holland.” It was Karen, coming out of a corridor. What was it now? Couldn’t he just leave? He was fine, honestly. “If you’d like to come with me, we can just rush you through the others.”

“The others?” Karen walked away, but Tom stood still in his spot. What others?  There weren’t any others for him. Just (Y/N). Karen didn’t stop or respond, so he had to follow her. The woman leads him into another room, where a gentleman was seated.

“Mr. Holland is from Horse & Hound,” she told him and walked away, but not before gesturing to Tom to sit down.

“How ’s it going?” the man asked. They shook hands.

“Very well. Thank you.” Tom was going to pass out. He couldn’t interview him! And Karen had talked about others. That was definitely plural. Was he expected to talk to the whole cast? He couldn’t.

“Have a seat.” They sat down. Tom was ready for the next hour of torture to begin.

-------

Should I write and post more of this story? Do you want to be tagged? Any other request or comment?

[arofili]

legolas or celebrimbor??

celebrimbor doesn’t have a tumblr, he made that shit. he and narvi are @staff.

(well. they were @staff…)

leg …. pre fellowship

their blog url

green-leaves-in-a-green-forest

(or something equally long and horrendously hyphenated and fake poetic)

the kind of posts they reblog

random shit he finds amusing

like, cat pictures and social justice posts from 2013

no theme at all

i would never follow him

the first person they followed

tauriel

she convinced him to get a tumblr because of the memes

a year later, she regrets this immensely

she matured and has a better blog that she doesn’t even use much

legolas is the exact same.

what kind of theme they’d have

tumblr default theme

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he will wake up in the middle of the night and post about the dreams he just had, but without any context

“made some chocolate milk with the lady who pulls the sun. tasted like weed. also, that one girl who i thought i had a crush on in 3rd grade was there. awkward.”

“sweating so much!! just ran a marathon with my dad while we were being chased by oliophaunts. the racetrack turned into a river halfway through. we won!!”

he thinks he’s funny

(he’s not.)

leg …… during fellowship

their blog url

he privated his blog for the first part of the journey because he thought it would be safer

after a few weeks he gets bored and starts liveblogging this shit

at that point his url becomes “fellowshipoftheleg”

his blog title is “Eight Idiots And A Gorgeous Elf Save The World”

“Hello! My name is Legolas Greenleaf. I am currently on a quest to save the world. The details are ~secret~ but I needed a place to vent so here we go. My companions are all idiots, except for me. My interests include….”

you know the type of subtitle i’m talking about.

the kind of posts they reblog

he basically stops reblogging and only makes original posts during this period of time

the liveblog

legolas had >300 followers before this, but his posts about his journey start to gain traction

his liveblog is pretty much petty complaints at first

he talks shit about gimli

he cracks “jokes” about boromir

(again. he’s not funny)

he reports on the weird stuff gandalf does

he gushes over the adorable hobbits

(until one day he accidentally bumps into frodo and sam tries to jump him.

he’s a little afraid of them after that.)

he quotes aragorn like there’s no tomorrow

some of these are like, actually deep

most of them sound like stuff from inspirobot

or they’re stupid inside jokes

everyone gets code names, cuz legolas isn’t that stupid

gandalf is “old man”

aragorn is “the bro”

boromir is “angstlord”

the hobbits go through tons of nicknames

“itty bitties”

“curly boys”

tiny monsters

eventually they get their own, but by that point the fellowship has split

gimli is “asshole dwarf”

after a few weeks… he becomes weirdly popular.

his story reads like a trollfic, with stupid plot twists and bizarre anecdotes

this mostly is anecdotes, not the full scope of the quest

he mostly makes text posts, with a few pictures here and there

every now and then he’ll post a snapshot of the fellowship roasting marshmallows

or a selfie of him in lothlorien

or a sneaky pic of him drawing dicks on boromir’s face while he’s asleep

he used to be low-profile, but shit’s gone whack.

he’s gaining hundreds of followers a day

his top post has half a million notes.

he’s a tumblr “cewebrity”

everyone on tumblr thinks this is just a story, not real life

people dig through his old posts looking for clues and foreshadowing

they’re baffled by the dedication the mod of the blog has to building up this “legolas” character

or they’re puzzled by the mod’s decision to turn this shit blog into a dedicated storytelling platform

legolas is bombarded with asks and @ mentions

but like…this bitch don’t actually know how to use this website.

he can make a post and reblog one

but that’s literally it

he’s the kind of blogger who leaves stupid captions on popular posts

he can’t figure out how tags work

he’s never heard of xkit

all his asks go unanswered

he’s only sort of aware of what’s going on

he’s blogging 100% from mobile, which makes it even worse

the Legolas Fandom goes buckwild

there is not enough time in the day to over it all

ship wars.

fan theories.

headcanon drama.

it’s a mess.

and again, legolas has no clue that this is going on.

when he catches feelings for gimli…things get insane.

he writes gushy, cringy, angsty posts about gimli

he posts pics of gimli with flower crowns

he composes bad poetry about gimli

the fan base is infuriated.

they’d all been shipping him with aragorn.

and like, no one in the fellowship has a fucking clue this is happening.

at least, not until they get to 

it’s ironic that Isolated Horseblr User eowyn is the first one to recognize legolas

she finally gets up the courage to ask him about it

“has someone been stealing your selfies, or…?”

he is astonished.

if Leg could, he’d shut down the whole thing

even if eowyn had wanted to help him do that, he’s just in too deep

he’s in this for the long haul.

now, Legolas starts to make shit up.

that’s when his popularity tanks.

he’s getting callouts

he’s everyone’s “problematic fav”

people dig through his blog to find dirt instead of clues

Legolas is more aware of this now, and he pouts for days

then gimli, a Twitter-Only lad, finally sees a masterpost explaining everything

he connects the dots way quicker than anyone else did

and oh fuck.

he’s frantically tweeting–

“wtf do i do??”

“i think i’m the asshole dwarf??”

“but he’s like in love with the asshole dwarf now??”

“oh my god, my crush likes me back??”

“has he been liveblogging EVERYTHING??”

eventually he deletes it all and decides to confront legolas

the leg boy caves under pressure and spills the beans.

they figure their personal shit out

of course, aragorn knew everything all along.

at least, that’s what he says

gimli takes over the liveblog for a day and everyone goes nuts.

together, he and leg decide that they’ve got to end this fake-ish story

even though they don’t know the ending of the real one.

for someone who’s never used it before, gimli picks up tumblr etiquette quickly

and on mobile. that’s a whole nother level of perseverance.

he starts streamlining shit, collecting information, making use of fan masterposts

he ties all the loose ends together

with a little bit of help from legolas to make it suitably weird, they close the story strong with a bang and a kiss.

aragorn finds their version of events…amusing.

after the real dust settles and the news stories about the Real Quest hit the press…

now legolas is a Real Actual Celebrity

his fans new and old start to see…similarities between the two stories

plagiarism?

insider info?

conspiracy?

coincidence?

no one can decide.

leg ………… post fellowship

their blog url

Legolas has three blogs now.

“fellowshipoftheleg” is kept as an archive. he doesn’t post there anymore.

he has a secret personal blog, “greenwood-gossip”, that he just posts random shit on like before.

and finally he has a Real Life Famous Person Tumblr Blog, “legolasgreenleaf”

the kind of posts they reblog

with the help of gimli and tauriel, he figures out how to actually use this website.

like most celeb blogs this one doesn’t post much

but he does reblog edits of himself and of his friends

every time he’s asked about fellowshipoftheleg he answers that he is not responsible for it and has no idea about it and would you all please stop asking about it.

the first person they followed

aragorn’s new Famous Person account.

this blog is deactivated after two months because he never uses it.

what kind of theme they’d have

something that should be really classy but with awkward shades of green

like, it had potential but again…legolas has a terrible eye for design

what kind of text posts they make at 2am

he doesn’t usually make original posts

but sometimes he’ll complain about gimli’s weird habits

and once - just once - he confessed that he was the one who ran that liveblog all those years ago

he deleted the post an hour later, but there were screenshots.

legolas is the Ultimate Troll.

[hereitalkonandon]

I always write something here because at this point it would look naked if I didn’t.

Yeah, of course I can tell you why I blocked you, I just thought that it would make sense coming from me because I've a lot of weird behaviors, and then I clearly don't dislike you so I didn't feel like you would even be curious and the story was long. 

So I have two accounts and both have the same amount of posts more or less, but one is my personal account, it's one year older than the other, no one cares about it but that's the one that I love the most, I use it daily to post whatever I want but I also talk about my life sometimes, I never like anything with it. Then the other account, no one cares about it either but that's the one I use to like things and to follow a lot of people, sometimes I ignore it for months, as in I don't reblog anything, but I often like things. So I was obviously following you with that one.

I would often check your blog and steal a post or two to reblog with the account that I actually love, (I love the other one too but not as much) so I couldn't just reblog them from you because I don't approve of reblogging and reblogging from someone for months but somehow not following them. I don't actually care and I don’t mind if others do it, but I'm aware it might be odd, so I didn't do that with you because I knew I was checking on you.

With other people it doesn't matter, since I know I'm not checking on them, so who cares if I keep mysteriously reblogging and reblogging from them and never actually following them. So, both you and someone else could think the same thing, it would be the same action, but the difference is I didn't care with other people. I was also well aware that you wouldn't notice a thing even if I randomly made those reblogs, but that's how my brain works and it made me uncomfortable.

Then one day when I remembered it was Revenge of the Sith’s anniversary because I had seen it on your blog earlier, for whatever reason I thought I might as well follow you with that account too. But then I realized it was giving me a lot of anxiety, my follows are public, there are dark people out there, you are an attractive woman, you are interesting, cultured, smart, angry, I didn't want the dark people to get the wrong idea, and you wouldn't even notice if I clicked unfollow, it was as easy as that, so why not do it, so I did it.

Back then I loved to go through the Jaime and Cersei tags, you were often there, I actually found you years ago because of it as I've already told you. And I would use my other account to surf the tags, because I would mostly like posts, I don't use my favorite account to like things so it's pointless to surf tags with that one, I only copy the posts I really like and take them to my other account, well, that's now, when I first started I would reblog things nonstop, I still do now sometimes, but I feel them in my soul or something.

There are a lot of posts in both of my Tumblrs that now make me embarrassed or with thoughts that I don't even have anymore, but I refuse to delete them, so I can see how much I've changed even if I've always been the same person, and how I've changed my mind about some things.

You were not going to notice a thing, but I still knew what I was doing and it gave me anxiety, since I unfollowed you with my other account, I felt odd about liking one of your posts with my other account, you had no way to tell I owned both accounts, but I didn't care, that's not how my anxiety works, so I unfollowed you and blocked you, because I didn't want to accidentally like one of your posts while searching the Jaime and Cersei tags, I didn't have to block you with my favorite account because I never looked through the tags with that one so I obviously couldn't accidentally like any of your posts. And yeah it's just that simple and that stupid.

The whole letter was already written but I’m editing it and deleting things were I repeat myself and such, but I actually accidentally fell asleep for some hours right now after editing this part, so this letter will probably have a lot of dumb things that I won’t notice because I am so tired so I understand what you meant at the end of your letter.

At one point I even followed Victor because even if I didn't care for him I often found posts about trees and dumb stuff on his blog that I would steal and reblog from someone else, I was already checking on him because of you anyway. We were so different and I found him so boring, but I think I always found way more posts from him than from you, since I find you interesting as a person but I rarely personally like a post from you by itself, I do, but not as often as with his blog.

Of course he reblogged a lot of tacky things like Justin Bieber and dumb comedies. In this case, I wasn't reblogging them from someone else because I cared about Victor's opinion, it was precisely because I didn't want him to somehow think that I cared about what he was up to. Sort of, but only when it involved you.

Even if I didn't have anything against him either other than finding him dull as a person. I'm sure that even straight men have approached him because of his looks even if they obviously aren't attracted to him, his looks meant nothing to me, it offended me that he could think I found him interesting, what was there to find interesting other than that.

But once I followed him it didn't matter, I obviously kept reblogging from him because I was following him, and that would make sense to him. Maybe it didn't, because this one time he tagged me in some thing with some questions for people you would like to know better, since I had been reblogging a lot of trees and whatever from him I guess, he didn't say so, but I could imagine that was the reason.

I think one time I even reblogged this picture of a bowl of cereal that he was about to have in the bathtub or something, felt like something I would do, probably most people would eat like that. Perhaps he got the wrong idea because I reblogged a lot from him and he thought I was socializing, whatever it was I answered him because I hate being rude. I never ignore people when they talk to me, even if someone is insulting me I answer their insult, not because I care about being polite once they were rude, but because I’m just not into ignoring people, they are talking to me, why shouldn’t I answer.

I sent it as a personal message instead of as an ask because it was too long, and for some reason I also didn’t want to post the questions on my blog. You know how I love to talk and talk and talk so it was a single message but I hit the limit. He didn't never even bothered to tell me he read it, I was glad, I didn't actually want to talk to him. I probably didn't even want to talk to you back then, I found you interesting, but I'm never lonely and I didn't feel like I had anything to say that could interest you.

Ever since I joined Tumblr I would sometimes spend days reblogging a lot of things from someone, a lot of old posts and stuff, and they never thought anything of it, I was obviously just interested in their random pictures. Not that I know what he actually thought when I did it to him, but he is the only person to ever tag me or send me anything at all after doing something like that, other than a really nice woman from three years ago or so.

She just said hi and such and I talked a lot like I always do and overshared, she seemed to have a lot of anxiety too from stuff I saw on her blog and she told me she had been extremely depressed for years and for no reason I think, a mental illness probably even if she didn’t tell. She actually managed to talk like a normal person and was likely used to talking to everyone, so I think she either found me boring or was uncomfortable too and didn’t know how to handle me because I was uncomfortable myself and I kept justifying the way that I talked and clearly had no social skills.

So we exchanged some words for a day or two but she didn’t keep talking, then she sort of said hi once again months after that because I reblogged Halloween pictures nonstop and it was nowhere near Halloween, not from her but she was following me so she saw, 18 pages of Halloween pictures in a row I think, just like the first time we didn’t keep talking. And then she sent me some ask a year or so after that after being wrong about one of my posts about some stuff happening in real life and she thought it was online and was trying to be helpful and telling me I could report people on Tumblr, so I just told her that it wasn’t like that but thanked her and stuff.

You are the only case where I took the time because of the person and not the random pictures. But I unfollowed him after a month or three (by then I had already unfollowed you or maybe I hadn’t followed you with that account yet, I just remember I wasn’t following you at the same time) because he reblogged a picture of a white shirt that said "Killer", written with a Sharpie, it was from this one idiot that murdered a lot of teenagers and said, at his trial, while wearing it, something like "this hand that killed your children now masturbates at the memory of their deaths" in front of the parents of course.

I obviously hated that murderer, it somehow made me angry that Victor would be stupid enough to just reblog something like that without researching, I don't think he would have had reblogged it if he had known, so whatever, I clicked unfollow.

I kept checking on him sometimes, but because of you. Then you broke up and I kept checking for a while, but by then I actually had something against him, I don't care if he is a good person, I know he is, but I have contempt for all men that wish that stuff to women they claimed to love at some point. So I was so angry whenever I visited him and once I realized it was really over and that you didn't have anything to do with him, or that maybe you did elsewhere even if not romantically but it wouldn't show on his blog, I stopped visiting.

He is nothing to me so I'm obviously not carrying some grudge still, but I dislike him because of the way he spoke of you, as I would dislike any man that does that, as I've said. And I repeat that yes I did insult my ex-girlfriend but that was also the way that we talked to each other when we were together, and not like he did, I never wished her ill, that was the last thing I wanted for her.

This reminds me that another thing I hate is when a man was always respectful of his girlfriend and never used bad words with her but as soon as they break up he starts treating her differently and being extremely disrespectful. I was also disrespectful towards her during our relationship and she was like that towards me too. But I mean when men do that exclusively after the break up, to me it says “I don’t bother to respect you because I can no longer gain anything from you, I don’t make any effort because I won’t get anything out of it.”

So yeah, while he no longer makes me angry, my idea of him has been tarnished forever, but it doesn't matter if I’m being unfair because I never think of him if I'm not writing to you, and he doesn't need me, so it's okay if that's the idea I want to keep. But I truly hope he grows up anyway, I have no reason to wish he keeps behaving like that towards women when he breaks up with them, both for him and for the women. So, may he rest in peace. Also, I saw some anon you received at some point asking if you still thought of your ex, and they probably meant Victor, but I didn't send it.

No, I didn't find the poem because of my ex-girlfriend, I would love to read poetry if I didn't find most of it cheesy, but I always do, so I'm too lazy to look for poetry hoping that I will enjoy a poem or two, just as I’m lazy with movies when it comes to characters not having enough depth because of the duration of the average movie.

I found it because I had seen the quote "I see you in colors that don't exist" plenty of times, so when it started to remind me of you I wanted to see where it came from, if it was just a single quote, and sadly it was from a love poem (I was surprised when I saw that it barely had any comments since the quote was already so famous), so I felt that I couldn't send that line to you, I felt like sending an explanation along with the quote would be dumb, I ended up doing that eventually anyway.

That's probably why I memorized a fictional meaning, so much, that yesterday I thought that was actually what the poem was about even when I didn’t remember a thing about it, now I remember that back then I thought that from a stranger's point of view, if you sent her that quote, the poem was about your imaginary relationship with her and how painful it was even if I already knew that it was probably about a relationship that had actually happened but now the other person had moved on, it likely reminded me of my ex-girlfriend but I was also mostly convinced that she still loved me so I didn't relate to it. I found some parts of the poem cheesy, that's why I didn't care for it and forgot all about it but that one quote. I don't care about most poems. I love the idea of them but there's always something cheesy. I find most things cheesy too.

I was embarrassed, I am embarrassed when it comes to sharing good feelings, I can talk about romantic love forever and my positive feelings when it comes to that, it doesn't make me embarrassed, but most positive feelings that have nothing to do with romance or animals do.

The thing about the wall sound so like me, I didn't remember it but I do now that you have mentioned it. It was good then, there was violence. I don't use violence for that though, it's just a part of who I am and I'm angry most of the time, I was already like that before I met my ex-girlfriend and it never made me unhappy, it felt natural, I was comfortable with my anger, I don't think it will ever go away, it’s probably because of something hormonal and doesn’t have an actual reason.

I don’t have any problem that I am aware of, when I was about 20 my testosterone was extremely high. That was also the time when I kept pressuring my ex-girlfriend for sex after she was the one that finally started all the sexual stuff by herself probably tired that I never tried anything, but I stopped soon when she told me how it made her feel, I felt like I was going crazy and couldn’t think of anything else, only with her though, it never made me find other women attractive, so men that use that as an excuse to cheat are stupid.

And I would have trouble breathing when I was enraged and my chest would feel way too heavy, but the doctor said it happened sometimes and that it would probably fix itself and wasn’t too dangerous since I was young, and it did after a year, so I know for sure there’s nothing wrong anymore because even if I have trouble breathing I’ve never felt like I literally have to keep gasping nonstop, and I also only feel like I’ve trouble breathing when I’ve been pushed way too far, like with my neighbors but that’s because they make me so anxious too and they keep doing it all day long, anger isn’t normally physically painful anymore. I was also often angry since I was about 5, before any of that happened, that’s why I think it’s just there for no reason, like how some people have always been too lazy because it’s just who they are.

As I've told you though, I never use my fists against other men, I always try to solve my problems with words, and I've been lucky enough to never have someone try to punch me, because then I would have had to defend myself, because of my pride, of course. Lucky because that’s not the kind of person I want to be. I also know that if someone that I am sure is so much stronger than me, probably everyone since I’m too skinny, punched me, I would feel the need to keep punching him back while being fully aware that I will likely lose, yeah because of my pride. So I'm not really hurting anyone by being this way.

Oh I also asked you not to publish it because I thought that maybe you would rather not spam your blog, but that you would obviously answer me because you felt that you had to. And when I saw you mention the anon, also, I sent another anon because I felt that if I didn't perhaps it would look like that person wasn't checking on you anymore, not that it was an awful thing, but I was still doing it so I mentioned it.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave this city, sadly. But I'm planning on moving out, because I'm really desperate about the noises, as soon as I can, I don't know how soon, though, but if I could I would leave this week, it just doesn't sound that likely since I'm looking for a very specific place, somewhere I can be sure that I won't be annoyed by any noises again.

I just thought that maybe you had heard about Tijuana because of its reputation, but I'm glad that the situation isn't terrible enough to have reached most people, I think that's a good way of measuring, if something is that bad most people in the world have heard about it.

If it's water and it has waves then it's just as a good, I think. I like the night and the stars better, and forests and snow too, but I still love the sea. I used to go to the beach when I was a young boy, now I don't and I haven't been for many years, but I enjoy looking at beaches on the internet. Which is crazy because I have one here. Even if I don't visit it, to me it's always weird when I actually think of how some countries don't have beaches and people have to travel just to go to one.

I like my city enough if I ignore the criminals, but I like the look of U.S.A better, that's the only country I've visited, I don't think I know which place I would rather if both countries were just as safe. It has better buildings and better streets of course since they have way more money. I used to visit California a lot as a teenager and ever since I was a 3 or 4, I feel like Target was a friend of mine, I felt like crying when I wrote that, it's funny, I just really liked it, it's just some supermarket, but I always felt good when I was there. And Disneyland. I also saw snow in that country, the only time I've ever seen snow, I felt like crying once again. We once even visited a police station until 3 AM or so because my mom's car was stolen. They ended up finding it on that night because for some reason they just stole some stuff like my iPod and moved the car to the next parking lot. My passport expired years ago and I was too lazy to get one so I can’t visit anymore. They make such a big deal out of it and often deny you a visa even if you have had already been visiting for years.

I love that country but if I could leave Mexico, since that would require a lot of effort anyway, I wouldn't strive for U.S.A, Americans think everyone would love to live there but I wouldn't because of the random shootings at restaurants and supermarkets by crazy people. I would be leaving because I want a safer city, and of course anywhere else is safer, but I would try to pick something from the top twenty safest countries list, or fifty, any place that would have me but that wasn't as dangerous. I know that you can have something happen to you anywhere, some people have been murdered in Sweden and Germany, I know, and I haven't been murdered yet and I live here. But yeah my odds of being murdered would be lower elsewhere, that's what I want.

I love this place called Sanborns, chain stores from Mexico, it's a dumb place where you can buy books and things like watches, glasses, candy, things for adults mostly, toys, but it also has a restaurant. I always felt good there. And we have Costco and Office Depot like in U.S.A, I love those places too. I also enjoyed being outside of any school building, for some reason.

I don't love places in particular, but I liked looking at the stars and at the moon from different streets and houses, and to be in the car at night and all the things I saw. I also loved certain rooms or parts from different houses that I've been to. Then these huge buildings (huge when compared to a person), two towers with a lot of stores and offices, my mom would take me there and I would walk through one of the buildings by myself while she was exercising, I would also buy magazines because I've always loved them. And then I love life and most of what I have experienced has been here. So in a way I love this place even if I wouldn't care to ever visit again if I manage to leave.

This city is where I realized I want to live forever, it's just that I know I can have the same experiences somewhere else. If I ever leave this country I know that then I could think fondly about most things from it, since I wouldn't feel at risk because of it. The funny think is I can understand what you are saying when you talk about your city, I can't claim that I know what you actually feel, but some places from Europe make me feel like that, not any place in specific, some pictures. And I can imagine what it would be like to grow up surrounded by art and culture, all that sort of stuff. When I look at those kind of pictures I feel like I am living someone else's life even if I’ve never wished for that because I love being who I am, and that I have been there and have many memories of doing things in those places.

I've been answering your letter as I am reading it, sometimes I read the whole letter before I answer and sometimes I do this, it depends on my mood, but not that I do one thing when I am sad and one when I am happy, I just do whatever I feel like doing at the time, for no reason.

So I've just realized that you asked me about traveling and I've already sort of answered. Before talking to you I didn't care about traveling that much, but now I do even if I wouldn't spend my money on it, I would save it to leave this country eventually. I didn't see it as something bad but I also wasn't drawn to it, and for some reason this month or so I've been able to see why most people really enjoy it. If I had all the money in the world and knew the plane couldn't crash, or if I were immortal, I can see myself loving to move from one city to the other every month or so, I don't see why I wouldn't rather do that than staying in the same place, though I would also like to have a home where I would keep all my stuff and favorite furniture. Before, I couldn't understand.

I'm not afraid to die, it just makes me extremely angry, I love myself, why wouldn't I be angry at the thought of disappearing. That's why I'm ridiculously careful, and some would say that's not living, but to me it is, like what I said about traveling, if I could I still wouldn't do it often anyway, because I can't know that the plane won't crash and as far as I know I am not immortal. I hope we are, we have never died. And I can still do everything I truly enjoy doing even if I never travel, that's why I wouldn't risk it, since I don't truly need to see the rest of the world in person to feel that I am living a complete life. But what I said it's also true, I can now see why everyone wants to do it.

If I traveled I would like to see U.K out of  all the places that you mentioned, I love Victorian stuff and old books written by English people. I've also always loved knights and things like that. And I didn't care that much for Egypt before but now it makes me think of you and I would like to see the pyramids, but I feel more drawn to a museum full of things from Egypt, I have never been into deserts but I love being inside of buildings, nice buildings make me feel the same way that looking at the stars does.

I'm not rich but I've never been poor or unable to buy the things that I want, but since I'm from a sort of poor country I've always been attracted to cultures that feel like they are from rich people, white people usually. If I had been born in a country that I didn't think of as poor I feel like I would be drawn to exotic places. This doesn’t happen with looks because I only like dark brown eyes and white people from that sort of cultures normally have blue or green eyes.

I've always told you that I like everything you have to say and that includes rambling, it's good when you talk more about yourself. About an hour ago or so, I had to get up, and I thought of how I often feel like crying when I am talking to you which also made me feel like crying, it was already almost 9 PM and looking at the night sky makes me emotional by itself. You are a good writer but it's not because of that, good writers don't automatically make me feel like crying. I just thought that it's nice that you want to be a writer, whether you try to sell books or not, but that you are doing it, even if it were just a private journal, it would be a waste if you didn't write.

I think the reason you aren't drawn to U.S.A is that you already have really nice buildings and that you have been to similar places but with more culture, so to me it makes sense that you wouldn't find anything special about it. I would also like to see Canada. You are lucky in the sense that most people want to visit places from Europe anyway, some spend their whole lives saving for it. You get to live in Europe and also visit it. I feel like I would also rather visit places from Europe better than all the other countries, Oceania too, first I would visit cities from U.S.A, because of what I told you before in my letter, that I also grew up there, spent some nights there, so I care for it even if I wouldn't enjoy living there, but just because of the shootings, otherwise I would love to, since I already feel a connection because of the TV Shows, books, music, brands, internet, language, and the time I spent there, it's so much safer than Mexico too.

I think Mexico City is a nice place, the actual capital of the country, it's also dangerous though, depending on the streets, but nothing like Tijuana. Their accent is terrible and funny, but not that foreigners could tell, and the air is bad for you because there's a lot of contamination, it's a really big place. But they actually live like people there, they have this university called UNAM, many museums, and great things.

I never thought you were into bondage and rape fantasies, though, I only said I wasn't into it, I was specifying because I said I was really into humiliation and that sort of stuff, so I didn't explain what I liked about it, that would have been too graphic and disgusting, but I felt like saying what I wasn't into which was easier to write without it being dirty, it doesn't make me uncomfortable but I feel like it's inappropriate for us to talk about it too graphically, somehow.

I know you are into choking because I have seen you say that on your blog and that thing about the knife from Victor, but I never saw anything about rape or bondage on your blog and didn't know you had any experience when it came to that, even if you didn't enjoy it that much. I would actually love to do sexual stuff often and I think about it daily just not all day long, but I'm not into casual sex so it's really complicated. But it's not something that I need, like when people claim is a basic need, not really, you can take care of your sexual needs by yourself for the rest of your life, you can't do that with food.

Maybe it's just your own version of sexuality too, there are no rules about how you should feel, and it would also be normal if you felt differently about it all the time. Ideally, I think you should only do something sexual if you feel like it, even if it's once a year, but I know you probably feel like that would be unfair to your boyfriend, of course it wouldn't, and I'm not saying it's some sacrifice to sleep with him, just that in an ideal world you would only have sex if you felt the urge to do it.

And you also wouldn't be wondering if there's something wrong with it. I think there's only something wrong with it if you really wish you could want it all the time but can't, and even then maybe it would still be normal. Like someone saying he wishes he could be hungry all the time but couldn't, it doesn't work like that. But you also say that it could be because you were traumatized and if so then you could need some therapy or treatment if you want to fix it, assuming there's anything to fix.

When it comes to asexuality I personally think that if someone is in love he wouldn't care about giving sex up, and that if a man cares enough about it to break up with his partner then he isn't that much in love. But I'm talking about true love since it's the only sort of love I think lasts for long, I can understand someone caring a lot for their partner but still feeling he can't give sex up and deciding it's best to leave even if I couldn't picture myself doing that, but I would call him a liar if he claimed it was true love but he had to walk away, I’d buy that he believed that, but I would think he is an idiot for believing such a thing is possible.

I don't know if I found out a year ago or two, I've known about him since I was 14 or so, and I never suspected he was gay or anything, just never thought of it, but I wasn't shocked when I read that he was, only thought it was a shame that he felt that he had to hide that part about himself for years when I read that he had struggled with that.

I don't think that here in Mexico anyone would be judged for being asexual, some ignorant people would probably say it's weird and that they aren't truly living, maybe most people, say stupid things like that, but some people would probably find it appealing, some sexist men, I think, feel that they would always be virgins and fantasize about sleeping with them. I feel some wouldn't understand and would make dumb jokes about it but that they wouldn't automatically assume it's a bad thing, maybe a lot of people over 40 and young people that think they are smart would say asexuals are just being stupid and that they need to stop using the internet so much, the worst kind of people, I can’t stand them, I would never be around them because they make me feel like I’m having a heart attack. I really love old people though, probably so much better than the young, it’s just ignorant old people that frustrate me.

And when it comes to gay people, they are accepted if they come out, mostly, some minor celebrities have and it didn’t hurt them, but of course that a lot of men still use gay as an insult and think it's the worst thing that a straight man could be called, I don’t know how their brains work in order to think there’s anything offensive about the word other than mistakenly stating someone’s sexuality.

Then some religious people are against it like religious people from most countries. Or some make this stupid protests sometimes about gay people adopting, saying they are okay with them but that they shouldn’t do that to children which makes my brain hurt because it doesn’t make any sense, saying that they do anything to children at all, it doesn’t happen often though.

I was shocked when I read this list two years ago or so about how accepting countries were of gay people and Italy was lower than Mexico (because Italy has better education and Europeans are so much cultured) but then I thought of the church and it immediately made sense. Many people are catholic here but very passive about it, they think god and Jesus are out there but don’t think about them, most people from this continent probably, except U.S.A and Canada, but nothing like in Italy, of course. There are some very catholic people too, and enough catholic private schools (religion is forbidden in public schools because they can’t force it on you) but nothing different actually happens, they just pray once a month or something and have a religion class some days. I know because I went to two religious high schools but only because my mom thought they were nice, she never really cared about it and she is actually agnostic too since I explained it to her and she thought it really made sense.

There were gay students and they never tried to change their minds, they completely ignored the topic, I only heard a teacher or two made some stupid comment about it being wrong, not hatefully, but that because of the Bible, not to them but to the class, and there was only one time when they bought a nun to talk about some stuff, about life in general, but she decided it would be a brilliant idea to spend the whole time whining about Adam and Steve and everyone was so annoyed because yeah most people hate that sort of stuff and couldn’t care less.

It was also while doing my religion homework that I realized that the Bible was full of lies when I was about 15, and that its god was made up, so great job, school.

I also believe that even if most people wouldn't think it's a big deal, a lot of celebrities are still keeping their sexuality to themselves because they want to have as many fans as they can, and you obviously always lose some fans when you say that you are gay or something other than straight. I personally wouldn't lie about being gay to keep my fans, I would want the homophobic people to stay away from me at all costs anyway and wouldn’t want them to be my fans even if they wanted to “see past the fact that I was gay”, but I understand why they feel like they have to.

Since I'm not into socializing I have no idea about this, but I feel like they probably keep annoying asexual people with stupid questions all the time no matter the country.

I had something like what happened to you too, it was when I was 14 maybe, after I took a shower, I got a lot of red patches on my body, and I remember they were so itchy but not painful, a really annoying feeling anyway, but they started disappearing as soon as the towel touched them, it was odd. You will probably be fine when it comes to allergies, my mom has been allergic to dogs forever but she still loves them and she’s around them all the time, she only gets some red hives but never had any trouble breathing or any swelling.

[its-time-to-hajimark]

Accidentally deleted the original because i’m a mess and also sleep deprived

Second try... hope i get it to work this time i apologize...

Hi and welcome to the aghafamily!

Always glad to see new fans, I already uploaded the Youngjae aesthetics and i hope you like them

About the blogs, I don’t really follow that many myself, but i will give you what i have to offer I’ll also include some Youtube links that i find important

http://got7-updates.tumblr.com/  (for general updates and information, i think this blog is pretty professional, quick, and accurate)

http://fy-got7.tumblr.com/ (similar to the link above, just some updates etc…)

https://yourdailymark.tumblr.com/

https://yourdailyimjaebum.tumblr.com/

https://yourdailyjackson.tumblr.com/

https://yourdailyparkjinyoung.tumblr.com/

https://yourdailyyoungjae.tumblr.com/

https://yourdailybambam.tumblr.com/

https://yourdailyyugyeom.tumblr.com/

^those are just a whole bunch of pictures of them from various fansites

http://incorrectgot7quotes.tumblr.com/ (exactly what the url says, personally i’d say most of them are very much accurate and a 100% believable, though they’re not quite active anymore you can stil scroll through the old posts, might be worth it)

and yeah that’s about all the blogs i know…

Youtube :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3DZoRg9hBU (« got7 spitting fire », honestly this group is a mess, i stan idiots…)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmob20nUBKk (« got7 saying/doing questionable things », again, a mess… my favorite mess tho ; you can check out more of the videos on this channel if you want i think they’re  pretty good edited)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s1ZEvAVags (« got7 saying less than intelligent things for 7 min straight » i don’t even need to comment that, the title says it all…)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfh6kDDrRZA (« got7 saying and doying less than appropriate things », for this channel as well, you can check out more videos, the two i listed are just my favorites)

there’s also a bunch of “who’s who in Got7″ and “unhelpful guide to Got7″ videos which might actually turn out to be helpful (probably more than i am rn lmao whoops)

uuuhhhh i hope this isn’t too much, and i also hope i could help at least a little. Also sorry it took longer than I expected it too… Anyways, hope you have a nice day <3

(also how do you make links look cool so you don’t actually see the whole link it just says like “click” but it’s still a working link, someone teach me please)

[boosonseok]

20 questions tag!

tagged by @cheonsavage​ and @gonefortuan​ !! i’m not gonna tag anyone (◍•ᴗ•◍)

nicknames: jeenie, jeenie the weenie, some ppl call me jen on here and i’m like wOAH bc that never happens in real life zodiac sign: aquarius height: 5′6 orientation: heterosexual nationality: chinese favorite fruit: I LOVE APPLES favorite season: winter  favorite book(s): shhh i made it plural but...before i fall, the samurai’s garden, and i rlly loved reading the great gatsby favorite flower: i think water lilies are really pretty favorite scent: my aunt’s apartment in china smelled rlly nice, like a mixture of aircon and nature republic’s aloe vera gel favorite animal: cat  favorite colors: blue, yellow, coral, millennial pink, pastel versions of many colors coffee, tea, or hot coco: coffee and tea are both fine they just cannot be bitter bc i am WEAK. like i’ll add like 10 pumps of coffee creamer to coffee (yes wow TEN PUMPS IT’S RIDICULOUS) but i’ve had like 5 cups of coffee my entire life. the tea at chinese restaurants is ok, milk tea is great, sweetened stuff like bing hong cha is great too, TEA ☕ IS GREAT TOO  average hours of sleep: during school around 5-6 hours….rn during the summer it’s still around 6 bc i stay up til 2 am sometimes and my mom wakes me up at 8  cat or dog: cat favorite fictional character: takahashi nanami from bokura ga ita just bc i love that manga to death but i don’t really have a fave fictional character number of blankets: one rn bc i hate feeling hot, but usually two dream trip: A SENIOR TRIP W FRIENDS TO JAPAN, KOREA, AND MAYBE CHINA BETTER BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW NEXT YEAR blog created: recreated some time in early january bc i’m an idiot and accidentally deleted, or else it would’ve been like september 2015 favorite song(s) at the moment: nu’est’s overcome and i’m bad, marmello’s puppet (it’s a FUCKING B O P), mandy harvey’s try, produce 101′s it’s me and always number of followers: i don’t find the need to reveal follower count unless i’m provoked *cough* in real life but according to that levels of tumblr post i’m now the unholy offspring of lightning and death !!  favorite bands: drug restaurant, nell, one ok rock, spyair if we’re talking about idols then seventeen, nu’est, highlight, aoa, wjsn, the list goes on and on  favorite solo artists: jung joon young, can’t think of anyone else rn oops but i like ieiri leo’s sabrina and sejeong’s flower way uM ADD TO THIS LIST KIM JAEHWAN IN THE FUTURE song stuck in my head: that bgm they play sometimes when seonho does stuff....piya...piya....byeongari  last movie i watched: your name last TV show i watched: produce 101 season 2 was a shitfest that i sadly enjoyed for the most part and got way too emotional over what stuff do i post: mostly seventeen, sometimes produce 101/wanna posts that i find i still want to reblog to a seventeen blog LOL, will sometimes reblog wjsn/monsta x/random groups and ofc text posts  when did your blog reach its peak: that BABY U R MY ANGELLLL post that somehow blew up bc it transcended the seventeen fandom and it has like 11k notes literally wha t the fuck but ppl started tagging their friends in it and i was like aWWWW  do you have any other blogs: i made @jooshua to post gifs but honestly i’ve lost interest oops...maybe i’ll be active again when i mentally don’t feel like crap (ha) and i have a wanna one blog @seonnho which i’m really active on, maybe even more than this blog do you get asks regularly: not really, occasionally smth pops up like someone gushing about seungkwan snfkdjknds let me talk to y’all!! why did you choose your url: i got bored of @blondkwan and i love the holy trinity boosoonseok and somehow was lucky enough to get this url idk why no one took it? i changed it almost 2 years into their debut and it’s almost canon ?? anyways LUCK. following: 242 some ppl r inactive but i’ve been following them since i got into svt and it breaks my heart to unfollow. also have not followed new ppl in a while :/ i will do that someday!  posts: 14,530 A SHITTON hogwarts house: hufflepuff pokemon team: i would choose instinct if i played pokemon go idk why but weren’t ppl shitting on that team LOL i feel attached for some reason lucky numbers: 2, 7 what are you wearing right now: white t-shirt and some ratty ass sweatpants i cut kinda short dream job: honestly i don’t want to do shit but still live in opulence hAAA idk what i want to do but in preschool i wanted to be an artist!! and in 6th grade i wanted to be a kpop idol!! why can’t dreams come true without me doing shit