#i am an author

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 104: Evolving and Adapting

TWs in the tags

Previous

Masterlist

Next

Before leaving, Puppy reluctantly puts her stuffed animals into her bag, along with everything nonperishable from the pantry that you and Leo didn't pack for yourselves. You think that's a good sign. She also grabs all the medical supplies in the house, which makes you feel really stupid for not thinking of that earlier. Before closing the bag up, she takes out two water bottles and passes them to you and Leo.

"If we're going to need water for the walk you will too," Leo says.

Puppy takes out one more water bottle mechanically and closes the garbage bag, then heads out the front door. You and Leo follow.

"Leo, make sure to let us know if you need a break, or help carrying your stuff." You say.

"I will. I'm not feeling too bad, though."

You believe them. It's been a long time since they were even a little okay, and the difference is very noticeable.

"We should ask the day and year as soon as we get to town." Leo jokes. "Like time travelers."

"Fuck, it'll be so nice to know what day it is again, and what time it is. I've definitely missed that."

"There are so many small things we'll finally get back." 

After a bit of silence, Puppy starts humming a lighthearted song. You feel like your heart could burst from happiness. So many small things…

Unfortunately, you're quickly distracted from that feeling by the annoyance of carrying full garbage bags through the woods. Your bag quickly collects several tiny tears, but luckily none are big enough for anything to fall out. It just means you have to hold the bag very carefully so that extra weight isn't put on the tears, causing them to get wider.

"We really should've double or triple bagged this stuff… or brought the box of garbage bags." You grumble.

Leo laughs. "We haven't gotten that far, we can go back if you want."

"Oh, no, I'm never going back. I'm just annoyed that we planned so much and didn't even think about what carrying this stuff through the woods would be like."

"Yeah, that's what happens when you have a group of three people where one is severely sleep deprived and probably still starving, one is experiencing withdrawal, and one is…"

"Brain damaged." You finish for them. Stupid Bunny.

"Right. Um… I'm really sorry I called you stupid, back in the basement. I don't think you're stupid."

"I am stupid. It's okay."

"B– Li– Austin. You're the one that found a way to kill Jane. You're so smart, and even if you weren't, you're so brave and compassionate. You're amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even me."

Are you… tearing up? "Thank you. You're… both of you are amazing too."

Leo smiles. "Of course we are. Just a little group of amazing people."

The rest of the walk is quiet. Trying to avoid your bag ripping open takes a lot of mental and physical energy. That'll be the first thing you buy when you get into town– new bags. And something for Puppy to drink to prevent her dying from malnutrition.

You take plenty of breaks, initiated by Amanda more often than not. She always opens her bag during breaks too, without ever taking anything out. When you asked her why, she took a stuffed animal out of her bag and showed it to you, which… didn't answer your question. Leo told you not to worry about it for now.

You feel… tense, stepping into the town. The last time you were in any kind of human civilization, Jane killed a lot of people to punish you.

It's pretty dark. You clear your throat. "Puppy, do you think the grocery store will still be open?"

Puppy shakes her head.

"Okay. Let's find a hotel. In the morning we can go get new bags and something for you to drink, and then… if there's a library we can use the computers to look at all the hotels nearby and see what's cheapest. Sound good?"

Puppy nods.

"So… do we just wander around until we find a hotel?" Leo asks.

You look over the three of you. "That'd be a good way to get the cops called on us."

"Well, what else are we supposed to do?"

"That's… a good question. Maybe we should've waited until morning to leave…"

"I'd rather spend all night in the woods than spend more time in that house than necessary. I… guess those are our options. Wander around trying to find a hotel, stay in the woods all night, or head back to the house. Should we… do a vote or something?"

None of those options sound particularly good. "I don't even know which one I want."

"Yeah… I guess we could split up, too."

You immediately shake your head. "Whatever we do, it should be together."

"But one person wandering around a town at night is a lot less suspicious than three people. Especially if said person leaves their bag of stuff here to be watched by the others."

Puppy stares at her open bag for a moment and then sighs. You guess she didn't bring anything to write with. "I think I'd be the best for that. I look the most pitiful." She lets her hair fall so that her missing ear is uncovered and touches the bandages on her face. "And I'm a scrawny white woman. It'd be harder to interpret me as a threat. Even if the police were called, I'd probably be fine. I've also been here before. I'll have an easier time navigating, even if I don't know exactly where to find a hotel."

These are all great points. "But… what if you get hurt?"

"I know people here. Including a lot of criminals, most of whom probably think Jane is still alive. People are less likely to mess with me than with either of you."

"But… I mean, if we're bringing race and gender into this, isn't it less safe for a woman to walk around alone at night? There are threats besides career criminals, people you probably never would've met."

"I'm not saying there are no risks. It's just the least risky option. Unless you think it's safer to wander through the woods at night, or sleep in the woods without shelter?"

Leo nods. "It does sound the least risky… though, to be fair, even if it does work, we'll have to walk to the hotel as a group with our garbage bags of stuff anyway. I mean, I'm the one that suggested it, but I don't think it makes much of a difference whether one of us finds the hotel, comes back, and guides the others or we just look around as a group for a while."

Leo's the best. "Right! Let's just go together. You should definitely lead, still. Like you said, you know this town the best. We'll look suspicious no matter what we do, let's just stick together."

Puppy hesitates, then nods.

"Perfect! Let's go."

Puppy walks quickly through the streets until you get to an area with fewer homes and more businesses, then starts moving more slowly, inspecting each building. Fairly soon after you've started searching, you stop in front of a building very clearly labeled as a hotel.

"I… think we spent more time arguing than it actually took to find this place." You say.

"Eh. Better safe than sorry." Leo pulls open the door. "After you."

It takes a bit of effort to get everyone's garbage bags through the door without ripping them, but you all manage it. The hotel clerk stares at the three of you the whole time, which you guess is fair. 

Leo sets their bag down and goes up to the front desk. "Are there any vacancies?"

The clerk puts on a customer service smile. "We do. What are you looking for?"

…you never discussed if you were going to share a room, or how many beds you'd want. Luckily Leo seems undeterred.

"The cheapest room available, please."

"How many nights?"

"One."

The clerk types something into a computer and gives the price. Puppy starts taking out some of the cash and counting it. 

"...do you take cash?" You ask. Probably should've asked that sooner.

"We can, but you would still need a card on file."

Shit. Shit shit shit.

"...Do you know of anywhere that doesn't need a card on file?" Leo asks.

"Nope."

The three of you look at each other. What are you supposed to do now?

Puppy goes up to the desk and places down the cash she just counted out. "I have a card."

There's no way that's true, but she reaches into her pocket anyway. She pulls something out, holding it in a way that covers most of it, but you notice a flash of green and realize it's just more money. She passes it to the clerk.

"Are you… trying to bribe me?"

Puppy nods.

The clerk looks at the money, then types something into the computer. They hand Puppy a key. "You'll be in room 104. Check-out is at 11 AM tomorrow.”

Puppy smiles at the clerk and heads down the hall, looking for the room. Leo grabs their bag, and the two of you follow Puppy.

"We don't have to hide," Leo says. "We can go try and get cards tomorrow."

Puppy unlocks the door labeled '104' and leads you inside. It's a pretty small room, and it only has one bed.

"Uh–"

"Puppy and you will share the bed. I know both of you would be fine with all three of us sharing the bed, so since I'm the one with the problem, I'll sleep on the ground."

They already did that sometimes at the house, when they wanted to be close to you but not sharing a bed close, so you aren’t as concerned as you might’ve been otherwise. If they chose to sleep on the ground when they had access to a bed, obviously it’s not that uncomfortable to them. They’re the one that asked for the cheapest possible room, anyway, they must’ve expected this.

"Yeah, let's make you a nest." You find extra blankets in a closet, take most of the pillows from the bed, and start the nest-making process. Leo tries to help as much as they can, but it really is just a one-person job. Puppy sets her stuffed animals on the bed.

“We should all get showered and change,” Leo suggests. “We’re dirty from walking through the woods.”

“Great idea!” You finish up the nest. “Puppy and I should replace our bandages, too.”

“You do that while I shower,” Leo says, pulling a clean outfit out of their bag.

“Perfect.” You bring Puppy to the bathroom and remove the bandages on her face and neck while Leo gets in the shower.

You wet a towel and start to clean her wounds. “I’ve been thinking. It’s okay if you don’t want to sleep tonight, I’m not as worried about that as you not eating. No one’s going to shock you when you start to drift off or anything, so you’ll fall asleep eventually no matter what. If you want to try and stay up tonight, though, I want to keep you company.”

You replace the old bandages with clean ones. Puppy doesn’t say anything. She takes your hand and takes off the bandage.

“Oh, I can do that myself.”

Puppy raises an eyebrow at you.

“Oh, I guess… you could’ve done your face and neck yourself…” It honestly didn’t even occur to you. “Sorry, I didn’t even ask.”

She waves dismissively and starts to clean the cut on your hand. 

“So!” You say loud enough that Leo can hear you over the shower. “Tomorrow, we’re going shopping and getting ourselves cards. Not necessarily in that order. Then we’ll use library computers to find the cheapest hotel nearby, and… go there. We’ll also research the buses around here.”

Puppy rebandages your hand. “We… need IDs. To get cards.”

“…shit. I lost track of mine after I came to the house, Jane probably took it. Leo, do you have access to any of your IDs?”

“I didn’t even have mine before Jane took me. I assume yours are lost too, Puppy?”

Puppy nods.

“She said yes. And we don’t even remember our names…” You frown. This is going to be a problem.

The shower turns off and Leo grabs a towel to dry themself. That was fast. “You remember your last name, don’t you? There’s that. And me and Puppy know your first name. Do you remember your social security number?”

You try to remember. There’s a shape to it, a rhythm you followed whenever you had to share it… but you can’t remember what actually went inside the rhythm. You don’t know if that’s because of the brain damage or just regular forgetting. “I don’t.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t know mine either. We’ll just… maybe you can get your hands on your school records? Or maybe someone you knew before could vouch for you? I mean, there are people who don’t even get a birth certificate when they’re born and they can still get IDs as an adult, so there’s got to be something we can do.” They get into their clean clothes. “We can worry about it tomorrow. I’m going to bed. We’ll want to get up pretty early tomorrow so that we can leave our stuff in here while we shop.” They exit the bathroom, leaving just you and Puppy.

“Hmm… maybe we should’ve replaced the bandages after showering…” stupid Bunny. “I guess we’ll just do our best not to get the bandages wet? And it’s not that big of a deal if we have to replace them again. Do you want to shower first?”

Puppy nods and leaves the bathroom to get clean clothes from her bag. She was allowed to shower when she wanted unless she was in the basement, so you don't think she'll need a lot of support in this. Having no reason to hang around in the bathroom, you go to hang out with Leo in the main room while Puppy showers.

Leo is playing with the clock on the nightstand. "I'm trying to set an alarm… if we get up at 7, we should have time to shop and stuff, right? Mostly I just want to be able to get back here and re-bag our stuff before we check out. It would be especially nice if we could do the shopping and the library research before we check out, so we don't have to worry about if we'll be allowed into the library with garbage bags full of stuff."

"Will stores even be open that early?"

"...I don't know. We'll have to ask Puppy. I'll leave the alarm at 7 for now, though." They set down the clock. "I really missed knowing the time. This is awesome."

You look over the small room. It's unremarkable in most ways, but… it has a clock. And you can leave whenever you want to. "It really is."

Leo yawns and goes to dig through their bag. "We should all eat something before bed. Or at least drink some water." They pull out a box of raisins and pour the contents into their mouth. "I'll try to convince Puppy to drink some water while you shower. Think you can handle convincing her to sleep? I heard you talking about it, but I didn't catch everything."

"I should be able to. I said I'd stay up and keep her company if she doesn't want to sleep– which I will do if she refuses to sleep– but I think if I just asked her to lie down with me she'd fall asleep quickly whether she wants to or not. It helps that this room is so small, she won't be able to keep herself awake pacing."

Leo nods. "Perfect. I, uh… I wish we didn't have to constantly push her, but we can't just let her hurt herself without trying to help… It's not fair that we get to adjust before working on any heavy-duty deconditioning while she has to be working on it constantly… But putting ourselves through that by taking off our collars or something wouldn't make things any easier for her."

"It sucks." You agree. "It wasn't fair for you to have to deal with withdrawal, either."

"...Yeah. I guess… we take care of each other. We have for a long time. And if we take turns, that's even better, because it means the person who's struggling can get the full undivided attention of the others."

"Exactly." You dig through your bag for some granola bars and have those and some water for dinner. Not the best meal ever, but far from the worst. 

Puppy emerges from the bathroom, her bandages still dry. She couldn't have been in there for longer than five minutes…

"Have you guys always showered that fast?" You ask.

"The water's cold," Leo says. "I… guess we could've waited… but in a place this big it would've taken forever. Better to just get it over with." 

Puppy nods in agreement.

"Okay…" You grab some clean clothes from your bag and head to the bathroom. "I'm gonna have a nice, warm shower, if possible, so… goodnight. Love you."

–

Puppy wishes she had waited, or spent longer in the shower. All she does when she's around is worry the others.

Kitty hasn't started pestering her to sleep or eat or drink yet, though. They look deep in thought.

She's so tired, and the white noise of the shower certainly isn't helping her stay awake. She forces herself to walk in place.

"It's weird, right?"

Puppy has no idea what they're talking about specifically, but she nods. Everything's weird right now.

"I mean… it didn't even occur to me to wait. I just… I guess the pathway in my brain between 'uncomfortable stimuli' and 'endure it' is so well-trodden other solutions didn't occur to me. Did it occur to you?"

Puppy shakes her head.

"Exactly. It's like… those guys that tortured those poor dogs… what's the word… Learned helplessness! That's what they call it. When you can't do anything to protect yourself for so long that you start to assume there's no escape without even checking."

Puppy remembers Master teaching them about that experiment… it's not a pleasant memory, but it could've been worse.

"It's good to be aware, though. I'm glad she taught us so much about psychology, at least. It was to hurt us and taunt us, but now it can be really helpful." They smile. "We'll have to look out for that. Times where we could make ourselves more comfortable easily but aren't."

Puppy is so, so tired. She misses just having to endure. Having all these choices… it's so hard. Things weren't easy before, but they were… simple. She misses that, even if she doesn't miss the torture.

"It'll be hard because we still have to endure a lot of things. We don't know when we'll next get money, so we'll have to settle for a lot of uncomfortable things to make it last as long as possible. So I guess… we just need to think of the reason we're uncomfortable. Make sure it's something we're consciously choosing and not just falling into because we're used to it."

Puppy nods along, but she doesn't really want to be comfortable. Comfort is for when Master chooses to give it, otherwise… it makes her sloppy. Like, if she was comfortable right now, she would fall asleep without permission.

Master is dead. Master is dead. Master is dead so she's never going to get to feel comfortable again– stop that!

"-uppy?" Her thoughts are interrupted. "Would you please sit down? Or… stop marching in place?"

She reluctantly stops moving.

"Thank you. I need you to drink some water, alright? You didn't drink any on our way here."

She feels… guilty. Like a kid getting caught not eating their vegetables. All she does is make people worry!

She grabs the water bottle she was supposed to drink during the walk and chugs it until there's none left. She wordlessly begs Kitty to stop worrying, to be satisfied.

"Thank you." They sound so relieved that she can almost ignore the waves of terror crashing over her. "Let's do something to keep your mind off it. Um…" They look around the fairly barren room. "Wanna play twenty questions?"

Puppy nods. A distraction would be nice.

"Okay, think of a person, place, or thing. You got one in mind?"

Puppy, not feeling very creative, decides on 'hotel.' She nods.

"Okay, is it a person?"

The two of them play a few rounds before Bunny finishes with his shower. Puppy feels a bit better about drinking water without permission again, as long as she doesn't think about it.

"Alright, I'm really tired, are you two going to be okay if I go to sleep?"

Puppy nods.

"Get some sleep." Bunny says. 

"Oh, wait– I set the alarm for 7 AM, do you think anything will be open then, Puppy?

Puppy nods. She remembers checking the hours the grocery store was open to try and figure out what time it was. It's open from 7 AM to 10 PM. 

"Sweet! See you in the morning, goodnight." Kitty gets curled up in their nest. 

Bunny turns his attention to Puppy. "Do you want to try going to sleep?"

She slowly shakes her head. She doesn't want to, but she knows she'll have to eventually.

Bunny sits on the bed, legs under the covers. "That's okay. I'll keep you company, like I said. You must be cold, though, after your cold shower. Wanna get under the blankets?"

She knows what he's doing. It's not subtle. But… being warm does sound nice, and she doesn't want to worry Bunny, and he was right that she'd fall asleep eventually anyway, so… it might as well be now, right? Better than passing out when she's needed.

She carefully sets each of her stuffed animals next to the bed before climbing into bed with Bunny and oh– he's warm. That makes sense, but she wasn't expecting it. She cuddles up close to him.

"Thank you." Bunny says, and that's all. He doesn't try to convince her to lie down or rest her eyes. He just holds her, and runs fingers through her hair, and breathes deeply and evenly.

She didn't stand a chance. She falls asleep within the first minute of sitting down.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Let me know if you want a summary of any of these logistics-heavy chapters, I know they're a lot longer than normal and that not everyone finds the logistics of escape and recovery as interesting as I do.

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole @whumplr-reader

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[that-butch-archivist]

"Lesbian Weddings" by Wendy Jill York

source: The Femme Mystique, edited by Lesléa Newman

[chaoticneutraltor]

[that1randomnerd]

That's just how you show that you love the character

The more traumatized they are, the more screen time they have. And the more they are hurt, the more they get comfort

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.

You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?

Click on their name. And look at their profile.

I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.

"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.

"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.

Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.

Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.

Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.

I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.

Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.

[tadfools]

You guys are commenting on the fics you read right? You’re at least leaving kudos on the Astarion smut and the pairs that have less than 20 fics for them too? You’re bookmarking stories you really like that are still being updated and ones that haven’t been touched in over a year right?

You know that even the smallest interactions are like cocaine to fic writers right? You understand how important a string of emoji hearts left behind on a chapter at three am is right?? Right????

You’re treating AO3 like a community and not a content factory….right?

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

animal farm (1945) - george orwell

"womp womp"

[kriz-smthn]

[bethanydelleman]

I was talking about a historical male author I dislike because I found his works misogynistic and the person said, "Oh, well I suppose you don't read Shakespeare either." and I was like, "Shakespeare? SHAKESPEARE?!?! Of course I read Shakespeare, that man loved women."

Shakespeare wrote a wide variety of fleshed out female characters. He wrote Damsels in Distress, Cross-dressing Girlbosses, and Complex Female Villains. He wrote a woman who refused to sell her virtue to save her family and then shamed her brother for suggesting it. He wrote Taming of the Shrew and it's opposite, All's Well that Ends Well, in which the wife hunts down and tames the husband. He wrote men who are good because they listen to, trust, and defend women. He wrote women of all kinds. He wrote women who drive the plot and women doomed by the narrative. He wrote women in love and women who pathetically follow a man who doesn't like them and women in hatred. He wrote sensible women and silly women and everything in between of all ages.

I wish modern authors could write women as well as he did.

[anneapocalypse]

So, just curious how many writers and creators will have to be forcibly outed by relentless harassment before we acknowledge that "This queer characters was written by a cishet person and that's why they're bad" is not good criticism.

[glassgob]

[Image ID: Digital illustration of Tech from Star Wars: The Bad Batch. Tech is sitting on the open hatch of the Havoc Marauder, holding onto a pulley cable with his right arm. Slight design edits have been made to his mercenary armor: most notably are stronger orange and pink accents. The second image is a close-up of his face. End ID.]

[angry-kid-with-no-money]

"Nora doesn't know anything about the things she writes about" "aftg is terrible queer rep" "the queer characters in aftg are so problematic"

Idk guys maybe the book series abt problematic ppl set in 2006 and written in the mid 2010s shouldn't be expected to hold up against scrutiny of what we consider to be moral and correct now, in 2024

Idk tho, idk

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

posting this with absolutely no context