#i am always extraordinarily happy to talk about this opera

[monotonous-minutia]

Brief history of Les contes d’Hoffmann edits (the short short version) + Summaries!

Kudos to anyone who gets through all of this, but I recommend at least reading the first part if you plan on watching this opera next week for Operablr Pride Month. It will help you find/choose a version to watch!

For the differences in the summaries to make sense, we need a little background info.

The very very very short version of why there are so many edits:

Offenbach died before he could finish the score. Most of the prologue, Olympia, and Antonia acts were done; the Giulietta act and the Epilogue were not, which is why those are the parts that vary the most across the different edits. Additionally, much of the material that varies belongs to Nicklausse/the Muse. The reason for this is that the mezzo in this role cancelled last minute, and the replacement didn’t have time to learn the entire role before the performance, so the Muse monologues, Violin Aria, and much of Nicklausse’s dialogue were cut; the ending monologue was replaced with spoken speech. Since the premiere—which is another story for another time—several conductors, directors, and music scholars have attempted to reconstruct the opera based on Offenbach’s drafts and notes, and in some cases their personal preferences. Additional shoutout to good old Guiraud, who finished a lot of the orchestration that Offenbach didn’t get to, which is some of the only stuff to survive most edits.

Also, I should say: apparently in addition to there being no definitive edition of this opera, there’s no definitive history either. I swear every book/article I read about it says something different so this is the best I could do. So if there are any inaccuracies, apologies in advance.

Now there are a lot of people that have tinkered with this opera, but there are a few main ones that compiled what are dubbed “critical editions,” because they did a bunch of research and a lot of people end up using edits based on what they did.

In chronological order, those critical edits are:

Choudens: The shortest version, and one most people are familiar with.

Oeser (1): Longer with a lot of missing material added, also fairly well-known.

Oeser (2): Even longer with a ton of new stuff added! (My personal fave but pretty rare)

Kaye/Keck: Uses some of the material rediscovered by Oeser, but also adds a ton of other stuff, particularly in the Giulietta act, as well as re-orchestrating significant portions. Not many of these either.

and apparently there’s another one called “OG Offenbach” or something like that but as far as I can tell there haven’t been any recordings of it or much about what it looks like, but from what I gather it’s fairly similar to that last one, with some adjustments based on yet more new-old material discovered.

And, of course, every single production I’ve ever seen/heard puts its own spin on things! So while most have the general formats as seen below, literally no two are exactly alike.

A bit more detail on the versions:

Choudens

This is one of the first people to edit the material after it was butchered for the world premiere. It’s the short version of the opera with the most material missing, though to be fair he did improve upon what it had been before. His is (unfortunately) the edit most people are familiar with:

Prologue: Chorus of Spirits of wine and beer. Lindorf monologues about stealing Stella from Hoffmann. Students party in the tavern and ask Hoffmann to tell a stoy; he sings the famous "Ballad of Klein-Zach." When taunted by Lindorf about his love life, Hoffmann decides to tell everyone the tales of his Three Great Loves. Act I: Olympia. Hoffmann is in love with the “daughter” of Spalanzani, his science professor, unaware that she is a robot. Coppélius sells Hoffmann magic glasses that make him believe Olympia is a real human, despite Nicklausse's insistence that she is a mechanical doll. Olympia is presented to the guests at her coming-out party; they marvel over her. Hoffmann serenades her and dances with her, but Coppélius arrives to take her apart, and Hoffmann realizes he’s been in love with a robot the whole time. Act II: Giulietta. Choudens put the Giluietta act second instead of Antonia. At a party, Nicklausse and Giulietta sing the famous Barcarolle; Hoffmann counters with an aria about how love is futile. Nicklausse tries to warn Hoffmann to be careful of Giulietta's lover, Schlémil, but Hoffmann of course does not listen. Dapertutto arrives and makes a deal with Giulietta to trick Hoffmann. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann and steals his reflection. When Hoffmann realizes his reflection is gone, we get the famous Septet (the only thing I’m grateful to Choudens for). Afterwards, Hoffmann kills Schlémil  to get the key to Giulietta’s room, but Giulietta leaves with Pitichinaccio instead. Act III: Antonia. The singer Antonia is sick and it’s her singing that is killing her. Hoffmann, who’s been looking for her for months after Antonia and her father moved specifically so he couldn’t find them, has finally found her. They promise to run away and get married, but before they can, Dr. Miracle forces Antonia to sing until she literally dies. Epilogue: Hoffmann has finished his stories. Nicklausse makes the connection that all three ladies are actually metaphors for the real-life Stella. Hoffmann yells at him. Stella walks in on a drunk Hoffmann who mistakes her for his lovers; she leaves in a huff with Lindorf. Nicklausse reveals his identity as the Muse (in spoken dialogue) and asks for Hoffmann’s devotion. Hoffmann gets a reprise of his Giulietta act aria, but this time committing himself to the Muse and his art.

Oeser (1)

This one, which is also very common, isn’t Oeser’s *actual* edit but combines his with the Choudens one, so it has a lot more material than the previous one, but not as much as the longer Oeser version.

Prologue: Very similar to Choudens except we get the Muse’s opening monologue explaining their motivations (winning Hoffmann and saving him from Stella) before the rest of the action. Act I: Olympia. Pretty much the same but sometimes Nicklausse gets a different aria. Act II: Antonia (which here comes before Giulietta). Almost exactly the same as Choudens’, but Nicklausse gets to sing a lovely aria about love and art which is really a love song for Hoffmann. Act III: Giulietta. Pretty much the same, except it’s the third act instead of the second act. Epilogue: Starts pretty much the same, until the Hoffmann/Stella confrontation which is now put to music. Then we get a reprise of Klein-Zach followed by the drinking chorus, after which the Muse reappears. The opera ends with the Muse’s closing monologue and chorus about how Hoffmann’s suffering will make him a greater artist.

Oeser (2)

Pretty similar to the short Oeser version described above. The most dramatic changes are really just in the Giulietta act, though there’s some extra material in Olympia too (that one waltzy duet I’m always gushing about) and sometimes more sung material for the Muse in the epilogue as well. Oeser’s longer Giluietta act: Has the same basic plot points, except instead of going right from Dapertutto making the deal with Giulietta to Giulietta seducing Hoffmann, we get a gambling scene where Giulietta serenades the guests as they play cards, during which each of the characters gets a little moment. Then Giulietta leaves and Hoffmann follows her, and she sings sadly about her dismal situation which leads into her seduction of Hoffmann, and the rest of the act ends pretty much the same, except sometimes there’s no Septet.

Now, on to possibly the wildest of them all:

Kaye/Kecke

This one is rare; there’s only a few recordings that even attempt it, and very few get it to the letter of what these two scholars compiled. Once again, most of the changes are in the Giulietta act and Epilogue; the only real changes in the previous acts are in the orchestration of some parts. Kaye Giulietta Act: Starts pretty much the same, with the Barcarolle and Hoffmann’s derisive aria, and Dapertutto making the deal with Giulietta. We get a gambling scene here too, but it’s not as long or dramatic and Giulietta gets a different aria. Hoffmann kills Schlémil for the same reasons, but it happens before Giulietta steals his reflection; essentially she’s bribing him before she pretends to fall in love with him. Hoffmann gets in trouble for killing Schlémil, and in a fit of rage tries to kill Giulietta, but kills Pitichinaccio instead. Kaye Epilogue: It starts with a chorus for the students kinda trying to talk Hoffmann down from his crazy stories. We get the same Nicklausse-Hoffmann confrontation, and the one with Stella, and a reprise of Klein-Zach, but in addition to the drinking chorus repeating we get a kind of ominous reprise of the “Glou! Glou!” chorus from the prologue, after which the Muse enters and we get the same ending monologue but it’s got some extra pieces.

So the short short version ended up pretty long huh? Anyway, I hope it's helpful!

If you want more detailed summaries to follow along with when you watch the opera, see below!

More detailed summaries!

Choudens

Choudens is one of the the first critical edits of the opera and, despite the fact that it’s been discredited multiple times, is still inexplicably used a lot and is what a lot of people think of when they think of this opera.

Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner, tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with his friend Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the song, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia. Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird. Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric saleman, enters and displays his various wares, including a variety of contraptions but primarily eyes. He manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalazani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. They leave to join the other guests. Coppélius enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for what she truly is and is

humiliated. Act II: Giulietta (Choudens is the only edit that has Giulietta second instead of third) Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance. Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) After Hoffmann and Nicklausse leave to play cards with the others, the Captain Dapertutto comes in, announcing he plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He attracts the courtesan with a diamond (and a deceptively pretty aria) and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. Hoffmann returns and Dapertutto leaves. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann, who serenades her with a fairly famous aria that gets reprised later for a different reason (keep an eye out for that). Knowing she has him on the hook, Giulietta demands his fidelity—and his reflection. Helpless against her charms, Hoffmann agrees to both. Schlémil, Dapertutto, and Nicklausse return. Giulietta tells Hoffmann that Schlémil has the key to her room, and if Hoffmann can retrieve it, she’ll meet him there later. Dapertutto taunts Hoffmann, who looks in a mirror to find that his reflection is gone. Nicklausse begs him to leave but Hoffmann refuses, still clinging to the hope that Giulietta actually loves him. However she only mocks him, and he despairs, starting everyone off in the famous Septet (or "Sextet and Chorus"). Giulietta leads everyone back to the party, except Schlémil, who challenges Hoffmann to a duel. Hoffmann kills Schlémil and takes the key. He rushes to find Giulietta, only to see her riding off in a gondola with her real lover Piticchinaccio, both of whom are laughing at his expense. Nicklausse tells Hoffmann the police are coming to look for Schlémil’s murderer, and finally drags him away. Act III: Antonia Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to find Antonia for him. When the servant leaves to do so, Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that

Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him

two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Epilogue Back at the tavern, Hoffmann finishes his tales. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down, then deliriously leads a reprise of the drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann, only to find him dead drunk. He mistakes her for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. The students all leave and Hoffmann is alone with Nicklausse, who reveals himself to be the Muse of Poetry. The Muse declares her devotion to Hoffmann and asks for his in return. Hoffmann, hearing this, repeats his song from the Giulietta act, this time declaring his love for the Muse and promising to return to his art.

Oeser (1)

The short Oeser version is the other Most Commonly Seen edit (I think it’s about a tie). It's similar to the Choudens edit in many ways, with some significant additions, which are in blue below: Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Muse emerges from a barrel, declaring her love for Hoffmann and determination to rid him of Stella, the “siren” who has stolen his attention (and affection). She tells the audience that she will disguise herself as Nicklausse, Hoffmann’s friend, in order to try one last time to win him tonight. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner, tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the sing, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird (sometimes it’s changed to a more mocking song specifically referencing Olympia). Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric salesman, enters and attempts to sell Hoffmann and Nicklausse a variety or contraptions; Hoffmann and Nicklausse bicker over whether or not to engage with the salesman. Coppélius manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalanzani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. They leave to

join the other guests. Coppélius enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for who she truly is and is humiliated. Act II: Antonia (When Oeser made his edit, he rearranged the acts to their original order, placing Antonia before Giulietta.) Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to go find Antonia for him. While Hoffmann expresses his joy over being reunited with Antonia, Nicklausse tries to temper his excitement with a reality check, which Hoffmann brushes off (he does this a lot). Nicklausse then sings a lovely song about the power of art and love (which is really a love song for Hoffmann), but once again Hoffmann ignores him. Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Act III: Giulietta Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a

party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance. Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) After Hoffmann and Nicklausse leave to play cards with the others, the Captain Dapertutto comes in, announcing he plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He attracts the courtesan with a diamond (and a deceptively pretty aria) and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. Hoffmann returns and Dapertutto leaves. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann, who serenades her with a fairly famous aria. Knowing she has him on the hook, Giulietta demands his fidelity—and his reflection. Helpless against her charms, Hoffmann agrees to both. Schlémil, Dapertutto, and Nicklausse return. Giulietta tells Hoffmann that Schlémil has the key to her room, and if Hoffmann can retrieve it, she’ll meet him there later. Dapertutto taunts Hoffmann, who looks in a mirror to find that his reflection is gone. Nicklausse begs him to leave but Hoffmann refuses, still clinging to the hope that Giulietta actually loves him. However she only mocks him, and he despairs, starting everyone off in the famous Septet (or Sextet and Chorus). Giulietta leads everyone back to the party, except Schlémil, who challenges Hoffmann to a duel. Hoffmann kills Schlémil and takes the key. He rushes to find Giulietta, only to see her riding off in a gondola with her real lover Piticchinaccio, both of whom are laughing at his expense. Nicklausse tells Hoffmann the police are coming to look for Schlémil’s murderer, and finally drags him away. Epilogue Back at the tavern, Hoffmann finishes his tales. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down, then deliriously leads a reprise of the drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann. Nicklausse exits, telling Hoffmann it’s time for him to choose. Hoffmann drunkenly mistakes Stella for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. Hoffmann begins to sing his Klein-Zach song before falling in despair. The students exit the tavern, singing their song once again and leaving Hoffmann alone. Nicklausse returns and reveals his identity as the Muse, serenading Hoffmann with a comforting refrain: love makes a man great, but tears make him greater still—his suffering is not in vain, but will make him an even greater artist.

Oeser (2)

The long Oeser version (my personal favorite) follows the short one fairly closely; most of the major revisions are in the Giulietta act. This one is pretty rare—I’ve only found one video (which is a terrible production unfortunately) and one audio recording (which is the greatest audio recording of this opera that currently exists). New material in green text:

Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Muse emerges from a barrel, declaring her love for Hoffmann and determination to rid him of Stella, the “siren” who has stolen his attention (and affection). She tells the audience that she will disguise herself as Nicklausse, Hoffmann’s friend, in order to try one last time to win him tonight. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner, tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the sing, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird (sometimes it’s changed to a more mocking song specifically referencing Olympia). Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric salesman, enters and attempts to sell Hoffmann and Nicklausse a variety or contraptions; Hoffmann and Nicklausse bicker over whether or not to engage with the salesman. Coppélius manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalanzani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. Then we get my beloved little waltzy duet where Nicklausse invites Hoffmann back to the party and Hoffmann denounces cynics who disbelieve the power of love. They leave to join the other guests. Coppélius

enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for who she truly is and is humiliated. Act II: Antonia Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to go find Antonia for him. While Hoffmann expresses his joy over being reunited with Antonia, Nicklausse tries to temper his excitement with a reality check, which Hoffmann brushes off (he does this a lot). Nicklausse then sings a lovely song about the power of art and love (which is really a love song for Hoffmann), but once again Hoffmann ignores him. Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Act III: Giulietta Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance.

Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) As if summoned, the Captain Dapertutto arrives and introduces himself, ominously revealing that he knows who Hoffmann is as well, and in general just acts creepy. Hoffmann and Nicklausse warily leave him behind and go to join the others playing cards. Once they’re gone, Dapertutto announces his plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He sings a diablical aria and attracts the courtesan with a diamond, and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. She and Dapertutto join the card players. Hoffmann is losing miserably, much to Nicklausse’s chagrin. Giulietta serenades the guests with a song about love, not-so-subtly aimed at Hoffmann. We get a pretty epic chorus as the game goes on. [Sometimes we also get and aria from Schlémil about having lost his shadow.] Giulietta leaves and Hoffmann follows her, giving Nicklausse his cards and asking him to finish the game for him. Nicklausse protests and tries to follow Hoffmann, but Dapertutto holds him back. Hoffmann joins Giulietta in her room. Giulietta despairs over her feeling of being trapped and suffering. Nicklausse comes in and tells Hoffmann to get ready to leave and that he’s coming back for him. He leaves, and Giulietta tells Hoffmann he should as well, but he refuses to leave her. Giulietta tells him to steal the key from Schlémil that he uses to lock her up at night, saying if he does so, she will devote herself to him. Hoffmann agrees to do so and sings his aria. Knowing she has him on the hook, Giulietta demands his fidelity—and his reflection. Helpless against her charms, Hoffmann agrees to both. Schlémil, Dapertutto, and Nicklausse return. Dapertutto taunts Hoffmann, who looks in a mirror to find that his reflection is gone. Nicklausse begs him to leave but Hoffmann refuses, still clinging to the hope that Giulietta actually loves him. However she only mocks him, and he despairs, starting everyone off in the famous Septet (or Sextet and Chorus) [sometimes the Septet is left out in longer Oeser edits]. Giulietta leads everyone back to the party, except Schlémil, who challenges Hoffmann to a duel. Hoffmann kills Schlémil and takes the key. He rushes to find Giulietta, only to see her riding off in a gondola with her real lover, Piticchinaccio, both of whom are laughing at his expense. Nicklausse tells Hoffmann the police are coming to look for Schlémil’s murderer, and finally drags him away. Epilogue Back at the tavern, Hoffmann finishes his tales. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down, then deliriously leads a reprise of the drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann. Nicklausse exits, telling Hoffmann it’s time for him to choose. Hoffmann drunkenly mistakes Stella for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. Hoffmann begins to sing his Klein-Zach song before falling in despair. The students exit the tavern, singing their song once again and leaving Hoffmann alone. Nicklausse returns and reveals his identity as the Muse. She declares her love and devotion for Hoffmann and asks for his in return. She calls upon the Spirits of Wine and Beer, who she says have aided her in her efforts; they repeat their chorus and disperse. The Muse serenades Hoffmann with a comforting refrain: love makes a man great, but tears make him greater still—his suffering is not in vain, but

will make him an even greater

artist.

Kaye/Kecke

the Kaye/Kecke version is the most recent critical edition and hailed by many as the most definitive (aside from that “OG Offenbach” one I can’t find anything about). There are actually very few “true” Kaye productions out there, but a few that attempt it. A lot of the changes are just in the orchestration and, in the spoken-dialogue version, a lot of dialogue; the vast majority of the plot and action stay the same. The big differences are in the Giulietta act. Again, I’ll use some new-color text (orange) to indicate differences between this and previous editions.

Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Muse emerges from a barrel, declaring her love for Hoffmann and determination to rid him of Stella, the “siren” who has stolen his attention (and affection). She tells the audience that she will disguise herself as Nicklausse, Hoffmann’s friend, in order to try one last time to win him tonight. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the sing, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird (sometimes it’s changed to a more mocking song specifically referencing Olympia). (also he sometimes mockingly serenades Olympia before his other aria.) Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric salesman, enters and attempts to sell Hoffmann and Nicklausse a variety or contraptions; Hoffmann and Nicklausse bicker over whether or not to engage with the salesman. Coppélius manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalanzani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. Then we get my beloved little waltzy duet where Nicklausse invites Hoffmann back to the party and Hoffmann denounces cynics who disbelieve

the power of love. They leave to join the other guests. Coppélius enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for who she truly is and is humiliated. Act II: Antonia Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to go find Antonia for him. While Hoffmann expresses his joy over being reunited with Antonia, Nicklausse tries to temper his excitement with a reality check, which Hoffmann brushes off (he does this a lot). Nicklausse then sings a lovely song about the power of art and love (which is really a love song for Hoffmann), but once again Hoffmann ignores him. Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Act III: Giulietta Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards

Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance. Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) As if summoned, the Captain Dapertutto arrives and introduces himself, ominously revealing that he knows who Hoffmann is as well, and in general just acts creepy. Hoffmann and Nicklausse warily leave him behind and go to join the others playing cards. Once they’re gone, Dapertutto announces his plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He sings a diabolical aria and attracts the courtesan with a diamond, and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. (Here’s where the plot deviates, and the Oeser parts from earlier don’t appear at all.) The guests return looking for Giulietta, who sings a song for them as they play cards. Hoffmann gets distracted by Giulietta and gives Nicklausse his cards. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann and convinces him to duel Schlémil to get the key to her bedroom. Hoffmann does and kills Schlémil. Nicklausse finds Hoffmann and, learning about the duel, begs Hoffmann to leave with him. Hoffmann refuses, wanting to see Giulietta. Nicklausse leaves to find a means of transportation. Giulietta returns and continues to seduce Hoffmann, who falls for her completely. She asks for his reflection as a keepsake; he’s helpless to resist her. Dapertutto returns; Giulietta relinquishes Hoffmann to him. Nicklausse returns as well, in time to find Hoffmann has lost his reflection. Once again he begs Hoffmann to leave, but Hoffmann refuses, still insistent that Giulietta loves him. The chorus returns, mocking Hoffmann for being duped. The police arrive to arrest Schlémil’s killer. Furious, Hoffmann attempts to stab Giulietta, but misses and kills Pitichinaccio, who is revealed to be her real lover. Giulietta despairs over his body, and Nicklausse finally manages to drag Hoffmann away. (There is no Septet in Kaye edits.) Epilogue Back at the tavern, the students sing a disbelieving chorus as Hoffmann finishes his tales, telling him to come back to reality. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down. He then encourages everyone (including himself) to get blackout drunk. The chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer from the prologue returns, creepily overlapping with the students’ drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann. Hoffmann drunkenly mistakes Stella for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. Hoffmann begins to sing his Klein-Zach song, mockingly dedicating it to Lindorf, before falling in despair. The students exit the tavern, singing their song once again and leaving Hoffmann alone. (Sometimes Stella gets an aria here, basically telling Hoffmann “you don’t know what you’re missing by rejecting me.”) Nicklausse returns and reveals his identity as the Muse. She declares her love and devotion for Hoffmann and asks for his in return. The Muse serenades Hoffmann with a comforting refrain: love makes a man great, but tears make him greater still—his suffering is not in vain, but will make him an even greater artist. (Sometimes the final chorus is extended, with comments from the other characters announcing that the future is his.)

And there you have it!

As mentioned before, there are a ton of variations on all of these. Choudens edits and short Oeser edits are often very similar, but even they will have random chunks cut here and there, sometimes move things around, and of course it’s always a toss-up which aria Niclausse is going to get in Act I and if he’ll get the Violin Aria.

If you got to the end of this, kudos. Seriously. I could barely make it through, and I elected to write the thing.

[torestoreamends]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Fic: View from the top

2.8k words, G rated

Draco and Scorpius are having an evening out at the opera to celebrate Scorpius's O.W.L. results. It might be the best evening that Scorpius has ever had with his dad.

This one started as a birthday gift for the lovely @eldabe, but due to the subject matter it has also become a 'congratulations on your exams' present for @ohscorbus. You're both awesome and deserve the best.

I challenged myself to try and write a fic where the Malfoys are a happy family of two, and they bond as a pair without everything revolving around Astoria. I hope I did a good job!

Beta'd by title-comer-upper-with extraordinaire, @abradystrix.

*

Scorpius fiddles with the stiff cuffs of his shirt and peers over the bannister at the people below. There are still twenty minutes to go before the show starts, but the auditorium is already getting full. The room is full of a quiet buzz of chatter, and there's a sort of humming excitement in the air, an energy and anticipation. Scorpius can feel it catching hold of him, making his smile grow wider as he leans his arms on the ledge and tries to take it all in. 

It's been so long since he and his dad came to the opera together, the last time must have been a year or two before his mum died. In fact, it's been so long since they did anything together. As good as things have been, there just hasn't been time. There have been holidays and revision for exams and dinner parties and Albus coming to stay, and suddenly it's almost sixth year, Scorpius is almost seventeen, and he's just received his O.W.L. results. 

So much has happened in the last couple of years that he feels like he's been caught in a whirlwind. But it's been a good whirlwind. He knows what it's like to have life come crashing down around him, and recently it's felt like everything's been building back up again, falling into place around him. Life is good now. Life is brilliant. And Scorpius feels truly happy. 

The door to the box opens behind him and he turns round on his seat to see his dad entering the room backwards, two glasses in his hands. Scorpius grins at him. 

"I thought you'd got lost on the way to the bar." 

"No," Draco says. "There was just the most horrendous queue." He shakes his head and his ponytail switches irritably from side to side. "And then the two witches in front of me took about half an hour to decide which cocktails they wanted. They'd already had so long to choose, but apparently it wasn't long enough." 

Scorpius gets up and holds the door so his dad doesn't spill anything. "I'm sorry it was such a traumatic experience for you." 

"I'm not sure how I'll move on with my life." Draco holds one of the glasses out to him. "Here. Congratulatory champagne for my Outstanding son." He smiles, and Scorpius feels his cheeks going warm as he beams and takes the glass. 

"Thanks, Dad," he murmurs. He cradles the glass carefully in his hands as he returns to his seat and sits down. His dad sits beside him and looks across at him. 

"Have I mentioned yet how extraordinarily proud of you I am?" Draco asks. 

Scorpius shakes his head and meets his dad's eyes. "You know, I'm not really sure," he says with a grin, because his dad hasn't gone five minutes all day without telling him. He'd even heard his dad Firecalling Harry earlier and gushing about his results. 

"I can't quite remember if it's come up," he continues. "Maybe you should say it again just to make sure." 

Draco sets his glass of champagne down and turns to face Scorpius, expression serious. "I couldn't be more proud of you if I tried, Scorpius. After everything you've been through, to excel at school. I know it wasn't easy. It took a lot of hard work and you deserve this success. You are exceptional." He leans back in his seat and a small smile crosses his face. "Remind me again what you got?"

Scorpius ducks his head, trying to hide the fact that his grin has grown so wide that his cheeks are aching. "I've already told you a hundred-"

"Humour me." 

He sighs and rolls his eyes. He knows his dad has already copied the letter and probably has it framed on the wall of his office by now. His dad knows his grades off by heart, he'd recited them to Harry earlier. He might even know them better than Scorpius. But it's worth repeating them just to see his dad's smile expand as he does, just to prolong the glowing expression of sheer pride and joy on his face. 

"Fine, I got Outstanding in everything, apart from Potions and Herbology where I got Exceeds Expectations."

"You see?" His dad says. "Brilliant."  

Scorpius takes a sip of champagne because he doesn't know what else to do with himself. Ever since the owl arrived this morning he hasn't quite known what to say or do. There's the half of him that just wants to lie in bed and cry with relief, and there's the other half that won't stop smiling. 

"I'm really happy," he says finally, looking down at the pale bubbles rising through the golden liquid. 

"You should be," his dad says, voice softening. 

Scorpius nods and runs his finger round the rim of his glass, making it sing. "You know what, though? I think I'm most proud of Albus getting that Outstanding in History of Magic." He smiles at his dad. "I know half the questions were about Harry, but still."

"You taught him well," Draco says, picking his glass up and leaning against the bannister. He glances over at the people below, then looks back at Scorpius. "Do you think you'll carry on with History Magic next year? It's always been your favourite subject, hasn't it?" 

Scorpius swallows and turns his glass round in his hand. They've finally reached the point of discussing next year. He'd known it would happen eventually, that his dad would ask about his plans. It was only a matter of time. But he's still not really ready for it. He's never discussed his future with his dad, not properly anyway. It always felt like entirely too much to explain, and he didn't want to try and start until he knew his plans might be possible. And now they are. No excuses left. 

He leans against the bannister next to his dad and stares down into the auditorium. He can see the top of one wizard's pointed hat right below him, and he feels sorry for whoever's sitting behind him. They won't be able to see a thing. 

"I-I don't know if I'll have room on my timetable," he says softly. "For History of Magic. I don't think they would let me take six subjects." 

Draco frowns at him. "Five subjects without History of Magic? You've already decided what you're taking, then?" 

Scorpius meets his eyes and nods. "I knew what I'd want to take, if I got the grades." 

Draco gives him an encouraging, curious little smile. "Go on. You've never told me what your plans were." 

Scorpius takes a deep breath and ticks them off on his fingers as he speaks. "Herbology, Potions, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration." 

Draco considers for a moment. "The five most prestigious subjects. I'd expect nothing less. You've always liked a challenge." 

"I have," Scorpius says quietly, looking away from his dad. He twists his fingers together and stares down at them. 

"Does this mean you want to work for the Ministry?" His dad asks, apparently still thinking hard to work out what the choices mean. "I always thought you'd be bored in a mundane office job, but perhaps I was wrong. Or are you interested in the Department of Mysteries? Or becoming an Auror. I'm not sure I'd trust Potter to take good enough care of-"

"St Mungo's," Scorpius blurts out all at once, as the truth finally breaks through the wall of restraint he's built up inside him for so many years. He takes a steadying breath. "I want to work at St Mungo's. I want to be a Healer." 

He glances up to see that his dad is now scrutinising him as if he's seeing him for the very first time. His expression has taken on an unreadable quality that makes Scorpius feel very nervous. He has no way to judge what his dad is thinking about this information. All he can do is sit here and hope that the reaction isn't going to turn out to be a negative one. 

"You used to talk about being a Healer when you were younger," Draco says finally. "I thought you'd changed your mind since then, but I suppose I was wrong." He links his fingers together, resting them on the bannister, but he doesn't stop surveying Scorpius for a moment. "What area of Healing are you interested in?" 

"Spell Damage," Scorpius says without hesitation. "I-I like Transfiguration, it's my favourite subject. I've always been good at Spellwork, and I love Spell Theory. I think the construction of spells is absolutely fascinating. I wish we could have studied it more at O.W.L., particularly the way Counter-Charms and Counter-Curses work. But I know we'll study it more at N.E.W.T., and I'm excited to learn more. I'm excited to... to learn enough to help people." 

His dad's expression changes infinitesimally, enough for Scorpius to notice, but not enough for Scorpius to understand, so he ploughs on, hoping that all will become clear eventually, and that when it does it won't spell disaster for his career plans. 

"I think that it's important to try and do something worthwhile," Scorpius says softly, inspecting his fingers so he doesn't have to look at his dad. "I think that there's too much suffering in the world, and if I can maybe make there be a bit less... It seems like the right thing to do. And I can't be an Auror – running round blasting things is Albus's department but it definitely isn't mine – so I thought Healing might- might be a good alternative. I thought I might still be able to-"

He stalls as his dad puts a hand on his shoulder. Surprised, he looks up and meets his dad's eyes, and when he does he discovers that his dad's eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. 

Scorpius swallows. "Dad?" 

"I think," Draco says, voice just a little shaky, "that you will be an exceptional Healer, and that St Mungo's will be lucky to have you." He pauses for a moment and just looks at Scorpius, and Scorpius feels very warm and very full inside, a little bit like he might start crying himself. 

"Okay," he whispers. 

"In fact, I think the whole Wizarding World is lucky to have you. And I know I certainly am." Draco squeezes Scorpius's shoulder, then he seems to decide that that isn't enough, because he pulls Scorpius into a tight, warm hug, and Scorpius buries his face in his dad's shoulder and squeezes his eyes tight shut to keep the tears at bay. 

For a long minute they stay like that, hugging as tight as they can. Scorpius is happy to be crushed against his dad's chest. Hugs like this hold him together, make him stronger, give him confidence. At times like this the weight of his dad's love is overwhelming in the best possible way. He doesn't know what to do with it all, but he's glad to know that he has it. Maybe one day he'll get used to moments like this, they'll be commonplace, but he certainly hasn't yet, so each and every one is a startling and wonderful revelation. 

When Draco finally pulls back, he brushes the back of his hand briefly across his cheek and gives a quiet sniff. Then he turns and looks out at the auditorium below them. 

"I'm sure you got better O.W.L. results than everyone else in this room," he says.

Scorpius gives a shaky laugh and leans on the bannister next to him. "Do you think?" He points to someone in the crowd below them. "She looks smart. I bet she got good results." 

Draco shakes his head. "Not as good as yours." 

Scorpius nudges him on the arm and smiles. "Fine," he says. "What about that one down there?" He peers over the bannister and points to someone right below him. "I bet they- I don't know. I bet they work for the Department of Mysteries as an Unspeakable, and they got 17 Outstanding O.W.L.s." 

"That's not possible," Draco says, smiling and shaking his head. 

"They built a Time-Turner," Scorpius proposes with a grin. "They built a Time-Turner so they could take a million different classes. In fact that was how they got their job as an Unspeakable. Because their Time-Turner construction was so impressive."

Draco snorts and ruffles Scorpius's hair. "That's ridiculous. No. Face it Scorpius." He gestures grandly to the whole auditorium. "You are simply better than all these people." 

Scorpius laughs and leans against his dad's side. "That might be the most Malfoy thing you've ever said, Dad." 

Draco smiles and wraps an arm round him. "I can't help it if it's true." 

Scorpius rolls his eyes. He wriggles his chair as close to his dad's as he can get and leans his head on his dad's shoulder. "We haven't done something like this for years," he murmurs, looking at the red velvet curtain covering the front of the stage. "I've missed it." 

Draco looks down at him. "It has been a while, hasn't it."

"The last time was for my eleventh birthday," Scorpius says. "Before I even started school." He glances at Draco, who blinks down at him in surprise.

"Has it really been that long? How did the time go so fast? You're almost seventeen now." 

Scorpius lifts his head and glares at his dad. "Do you have to remind me how old I am? That's rude." 

His dad smirks at him. "Imagine how I feel." 

Scorpius folds his arms. "I try not to. You're ancient, Dad. You're older than Harry, and he's starting to go grey." 

Draco's smirk broadens until it's almost a grin and his eyes are sparkling. "I may be older than Potter but I am also wiser. And there are advantages to our hair, Scorpius. Malfoys don't go grey. Your grandfather used to joke that we'd found the secret to immortality. Tragically not the case, but..." He reaches out and ruffles Scorpius's hair again. "You should be very grateful." 

"Albus says that my hair's so white I practically glow in the dark," Scorpius says with a smile. "If only. That would make it a lot easier to read after lights out." 

"You should sleep more," Draco says wagging a finger at him. "You'll need your rest while you're doing your N.E.W.T.s. I don't want you exhausting yourself and getting burned out. And be careful with your eyes too. I have terrible eyesight and your mother's was no better. Don't ruin yours too with all those late night reading sessions." 

"I look good in glasses though," Scorpius says, taking another sip of his champagne. "I could get glasses just like Harry's. Albus would hate that." 

Draco shakes his head. "No, you couldn't. I refuse to let my son wear glasses like Harry Potter. I know they're a fad that everyone is horribly invested in, but they look ridiculous and always have." 

"Fine," Scorpius says. "So I won't get glasses like Harry's. But I do want some at some point. They make me look studious, and studiousness is an aesthetic I quite like." 

Draco gives him a very proud smile at that. "I've raised you well," he says, and Scorpius nods and wraps an arm round his dad. 

"Yes you have. You've raised a ginormous geek." 

"You said it," Draco says with a sly smile. "Not me."

Scorpius grins and hugs his dad as tight as he can. 

After that they lapse into silence for a little bit. Scorpius leans against his dad's side as the seconds tick away and the buzz of chatter in the auditorium grows louder and louder. The three tiers around them fill up with excited faces, and Scorpius feels his own anticipation growing as the show approaches. 

Except he doesn't think it's just the performance that he's excited for. It's everything. Life. The coming school year. Seeing Albus again. His classes, his career, all those chances for late night study sessions by wandlight. He has so much to look forward to, and he's ready for all of it. He wants it right now, whatever the future has to offer him, and it's been a while since he could last say that. But today – today he knows that life is good, and that life will be good. 

"Dad," he murmurs as the lights in the auditorium begin to dim and the talk subsides into a silence that crackles with energy and atmosphere. "I really am happy." 

The opening bars of the music swell into a glorious crescendo as the curtain lifts. His dad looks at him, then he leans across, kisses the top of his head, and pulls him into a tight hug. "I think I am too." 

[fashioneditswebsite]

AT NEW YORK FASHION WEEK THE EVOLVING STANDARD OF BEAUTY

NEW YORK FASHION WEEK THE EVOLVING STANDARD OF BEAUTY Who can better broach the subject of `The Evolving Standard of Beauty' than the iconic Black Beauty Queens who are making history as the women who reign supreme, celebrating this crowning achievement for beauty and culture? Never before have all the major Beauty titles are held by Black women. So the Queens gathered for a chat at the start of New York Fashion Week - ZOZIBINI TUNZI "Miss Universe" CHELSIE KRYST "Miss USA" KALIEGH GARRIS "Miss Teen USA" and the outgoing NIA FRANKLIN "Miss America" (Miss World, the newly crowned TONI ANN SINGH of Jamaica was not present).

BOZOMA ST JOHN

The Queens got real during "The Talks" part of a conversation series in the cozy Sunken Living Room, tucked away on the sixth floor of Spring Studios in Tribeca, New York. This specific `Conversation' was presented by The Miss Universe Organization and moderated by BOZOMA ST JOHN, Chief Marketing Officer of Endeavor, the umbrella company that owns IMG (among others) who runs New York Fashion Week. PAULA SHUGART, President of the Miss Universe Organization, in welcoming attendees said it was a very special moment for the organization in terms of inclusivity and diversity in selecting the best contestant to wear the crown. She introduced moderator Bozoma St John, emphasizing that the Miss Universe Organization had been trying to get Bozoma to be a judge at Miss Universe for years, "We were so happy to finally get her as a judge at the recent pageant." Bozoma, before beginning the conversation remarked; "I am extremely happy about this moment in history."

"MISS AMERICA" - NIA FRANKLIN

Here are some of the highlights of the conversation. Nia Franklin started off by saying that she just passed her "Miss America" crown to her successor. A holder of two Music degrees - one in music composition, Nia has written over 100 songs, wrote her first song when she was 5 years old. "I never thought I could be "Miss America" I never dreamt of that, now little boys and girls can be inspired." She revealed that her first single will be released next month "It's titled `Earth Sun.' I am super passionate about singing, music education. and women in music. I am a trained opera singer, but I also sing R&B. I will be working with more women behind the scenes in music, as composers." Nia also revealed that she knew Cheslie Kryst way before Cheslie started competing in pageants. "As a matter of fact, the first pageant I entered, I was wearing one of Cheslie's gowns I'd burrowed." Another fact revealed was that after Nia won the "Miss America" title, she reached out to Chelsie, an attorney, to go over the contract she had with the "Miss America Organization".  "MISS USA" CHELSIE KRYST  Chelsie did negotiate her friend's Nia contract, and according to Moderator Bozoma St John "She's a tough negotiator, Nia had a fabulous contract because of Cheslie." Bozoma asked the panel what inspired all of them to go into pageantry. Chelsie said she remembers as a kid, that her Mother was crowned "Mrs. North Carolina USA" in her home state. "I remember seeing my Mom coming down the street leading a parade in a white horse-drawn carriage - no joke, and she was waving in all this grandeur. I wanted to be that. She embodied it for me. The idea of wanting to be my Mom did it for me....people listened when she opened her mouth, and I wanted that." For the future, Chelsie, who is the newest correspondent on Extra TV, said she'll continue doing that. "I'll expand on that and maybe I'll be the next Oprah, and that would be very dope." On Bozoma's question: `When was the first moment you realized that you were beautiful?' Chelsie answered: "It started with my father, he always told me I was. Also in class when I was in Law school, the Professor stopped the class and said I looked like Chaka Khan...or Dianna Ross, I don't remember which one, but it was said as a compliment." Chelsie also revealed that her career as an attorney brought several challenges that she had to overcome at an early stage, which gave her a certain amount of confidence that she carries to this day. "Being in court, I was usually the only woman, the only Black person and the youngest one in the room, they never recognized me as the attorney." ZOZOBINI TUNZI "MISS UNIVERSE" Zozibini Tunzi, just less than two months after her crowning in Atlanta, Georgia, seemed to be still glowing in her victory. She spoke on her journey that began in 2017 when she entered the "Miss South Africa" pageant and did not even make the semi-finals. She came back in 2019 stronger than ever and not only made the finals but won the crown and title. That gave her the right to represent her home nation at the "Miss Universe" pageant which she won. She became the first Black South African to win "Miss Universe" and the first Black woman with a short, natural Afro hairstyle to win "Miss Universe." That brought up the controversial subject of Black women's hair. Just looking at all of the Queens, yes, obviously all Black - all-natural hair is various styles - but all so beautifully different. "My journey started with the "Miss South Africa" pageant and when I told people I was entering, the first thing they asked was about my hair. It became such a continuous conversation...I made a conscious decision to go with my natural hair. I felt it was important to say it. It's the beauty of being a woman. We're all brilliant, we can do our hair in different ways, our beauty goes way beyond that (hair)."  BEAUTY On the question of first realizing her beauty, Zozi (as she is familiarly called) said: "I saw myself through my Mom, my sisters, and Grandma. When I grew up, my system had been the women in my family. I saw and read about some extraordinarily powerful women who fought for our freedom - I see the beauty in them. Beauty is an aura, it's what you present to the world. I see myself in them because I came from them." She talked about being born in an apartheid South Africa and the social programming that came with it. "We become so scared of our power. When you walk in a room, you should not be scared of your power, claim it, use your voice - Be heard! Be seen and NOT heard is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I believe in Diversity in action, not just in looks." Asked about what's in the future for Miss Universe? Zozi beamed; "Whatever my future is, it will be bright. I truly believe whatever I touch it will be great. I'm waiting to see what will happen." How is Zozi handling everything that has been bestowed upon her as the Queen of the Universe? "I looked at it as a Leadership position, not just a Beauty pageant winner, because I had a lot to say, and a lot of people were listening and following."  KALIEGH GARRIS "MISS TEEN U.S.A." The youngest of the group, Kaleigh Garris said she's still figuring out what her future will be. "I am in college. I'm studying communications, want to get into media with a concentration on film, television and media production. I also want to grow my Social Movement into a 501 K Foundation. Kaleigh talked about having a sister with special needs and started a Social Movement inspired by her titled `We are People First.' "I want to highlight and showcase who they are, and not what they look like or the fact that they are disabled. My sister is one of the funniest persons you'd ever met. She's the most loving and caring person I know." Kaleigh said she still looks in the mirror and says "Wow!" realizing that she's "Miss Teen USA" and uses positive affirmations on herself as a form of staying grounded - "...Even now, sitting here with my pageant sisters is a Wow moment. I am still thrilled at the whole thing, like, this is real, I saw this on TV. I'm thrilled, happy and proud to be a part of history." At the end of the conversation, designer Kaleila Wright presented all of the Queens, including Bozama and Paula Shugart with specially designed jackets, featuring the slogan "Queen - Don't be afraid to Rule as a King." Got it, thanks!Thank you!Love it! Read the full article

[defiantbird]

Wherein Alyssa writes a weird, very long, emotional ramble about personal things and The Phantom of the Opera

I could swear I’ve seen Phantom three times prior, this being my fourth time, but I can only seem to find two previous tickets. Regardless, here’s an overwrought story of some things I learned over my life and particularly this past weekend.

The Phantom of the Opera is the first story I ever fell really madly deeply in love with. As a child I adored Aladdin and Anastasia, but Phantom if the first story that I ever was really OBSESSED with. I saw it on a 5th grade class trip when I was about 11 years old, in 2002. The year after 9/11-- I remember we almost didn’t go on the trip because teachers were concerned about taking us into Manhattan.

That Christmas, my parents bought me the original cast soundtrack. We went to my grandma’s house for a party as was traditional every year, but I spent the entire time sitting in the dark on the steps to the basement, away from every one, listening to the soundtrack on my CD player over and over again-- every song, start to finish, the whole night. I shortly after began taking piano lessons, and soon you’d hear me playing Phantom songs nearly every other day. 

I’ve seen it more since then, but I was a pre-teen. I have had dysthymia since I was 10 years old. At 14 I developed major depression, which then continued to come and go for years on top of the dysthymia until I was about 23 and finally found a good medication and therapist.

Today I am 25. On Saturday, Patrick and I celebrated 8 years since we met each other. It occurred to me half way through last year that Patrick had only ever seen the movie-- which is just a completely different thing, so utterly pale in comparison to the experience of seeing it in the theater. So I got us tickets.

At 2:00 we sat down in seats 111 and 112, Row O, a perfect center view in the orchestra, it’s only problem being that the overhang of the mezzanine slightly blocked our view of the very top of the stage, where the Phantom lurks at times during the show. Next to Patrick was a man who immediately struck up conversation with us-- this was his third time seeing it too, and he and I were both gushing over how much Patrick would love it.

I have to say, first of all, the excitement of it being Patrick’s first time was electric. This story is so very close to my heart, and sitting there knowing every little thing that was going to happen, while also knowing that he had no idea what would come next, was so incredibly thrilling to me. Theatre is this incredible experience where you and a bunch of strangers sit in a room for a few hours and, if the show is good, become completely immersed in an alternate reality.

I was near tears the moment the lights went out, the overture began, and the chandelier started to rise toward the ceiling in the dark. I spent the rest of the show half on the edge of my seat, half excitedly waiting for Patrick’s reactions, and some part trying to hold back the biggest, stupidest smile I’ve ever had.

At the end I was dazed. The truth I realized later was that for a long time I had not been letting myself dwell on how much I loved this story. In my adolescence, I knew I was overly sensitive and emotional, and I feared people seeing this as weakness, so I often hid any love I had for romance, for traditionally “girly” things”. I tried not to talk too much about the stories I practically lived in, trying constantly to escape my real life, ridden with a dull sense of hopelessness that I couldn’t escape nor explain to anyone, let alone myself.

Since then, things have changed. We left the theatre and had to duck away from the crowd while I cried uncontrollably in Patrick’s arms. To be honest I’m not sure I’ve ever felt just such joy in my entire life. I admit I’m crying as I write now. I felt so full of feeling that it almost seemed like my chest would burst with it-- literally, it felt as though my heart was an expanding balloon.

The whole rest of the day I was on the brink of tears, too full of a weird joy and sadness at the same time. And it took a while and some talking with Patrick before I could really hash out the many, many different things that had made me feel so...euphoric is the only word I can think of. I was in an absolute dream state. I could have watched that show forever, and if we’d been offered tickets to see it again immediately after, I would go right back in and sit down and watch the entire thing again, just as rapt as before. I know this all sounds very dramatic, but truthfully no story has ever touched my soul so closely.

I loved it the previous times I saw it, but it was different this time, and I realized that it’s because I’m different person now in so many ways. The last time I saw it, I lived in a fog that would not be lifted for years. After knowing now what it’s like to be free of depression, I can describe my previous life as such: I did not know what it was like to be happy on more than a shallow level. I lived as if I were in a constant fog, barely seeing beyond my hand in front of me, trapped in my own little bubble of sadness and loathing and fear, unable to see anyone else around me. When I finally began to recover and started to really experience things, to really exist in my own life, I was overwhelmed by how much I felt. It seemed as if I was seeing in color for the first time ever.

I think that’s part of what happened here. The music, the voices, the scenery was so incredibly vivid to me, it was almost as if I was seeing it for the first time, even though I knew the show inside and out and could practically perform it myself if asked.

People have related to the Phantom for as long as the story has been around. It’s almost impossible not to relate, as we’ve all felt like a misfit at some point. For me particularly, I had always been feeling like an ugly creature watching a beautiful world of happy, colorful people from the outside, doomed to always be seeing it but never allowed to interact with it or know it for myself. I never realized it as a child, but seeing it now from the lens of someone who overcame depression, the character suddenly meant something so profound to me.

Part of it was because I was watching it now, with the man I’ve loved for the past eight years. When I was younger, I believed wholeheartedly that I would never be loved romantically. Not only was I terrified of other people and of being vulnerable, I was practically phobic of my own body, and I entirely believed that I was simply too sensitive, too intense for anyone to ever be able to tolerate me. And it proved true during the few romantic experience I had, and even my friendships. It felt as if I was a hurricane and every one I ever was fascinated with was a flower that would get destroyed the moment I touched it. I loved too quickly and too fiercely, too jealously and possessively and fearfully. Obsessively. The way companionship and love made me feel was the only happiness I could find, and so I clung to it, not realizing that my vehemence made me smother every person who showed me affection.

As a result, I later tried to act detached. I never made the first move. Still, I wrote tons and tons of romance stories in private, never showing anyone. I have always loved love, but I didn’t trust myself with it, and I didn’t think I could ever meet anyone who would tame and calm this wild thing inside of me.

Patrick did. The beginning of our relationship, I was the same-- I jumped into it very quickly, was overwhelmed by it, and probably moved far too fast. To my credit, Patrick did too...we were both around 19 years old and had a whole lot of maturing to do.

At some point in the middle, a whole bunch of little things and our immaturity grew into a really terrible period of time where we treated each other pretty badly. I think I can safely say that it is the worst version of myself I have ever been, and I this is already very long so I will spare the details. Suffice to say it brought out the very worst of me. I was unbearable to be around. I became more depressed than I had ever been, and went to therapy because I realized it was my only option: I had to get better, or depression would take my life. Again, to be dramatic but honest in the most silly way, I was the Phantom. 

I went to therapy, and my therapist helped me realize that I never trusted anyone. This may seem obvious, but it was something that I honestly had never admitted to myself, and it was an enormous breakthrough to finally realize it and to see how it effected every interaction I had with every person. I didn’t trust an-y-one. And yet I guarded my relationships with fierce jealousy, keeping them like possessions but not giving back the vulnerability they needed to function.

I changed my medications after years of being too afraid to do so. The difference was almost immediate. Patrick and I did a lot of hard work to realize what we were doing wrong and start listening to each other again. To fall in love again. And since then, things have been better than ever. We plan to move in together and marry not long after.

Therapy and meds were not all that helped. Patrick was extraordinarily patient has I learned to trust. He has always been my number one advocate in building the self-confidence I ever had. He is the only person who has ever been able to convince me that I’m beautiful. He has this level-headedness that inspired me to stop my habit of dealing with bad situations with uncontrollable emotional outbursts. He challenges me to think critically about what I feel and to keep an open mind. I don’t think I’d be the person I am now-- a person I truly do love, by the way-- if I hadn’t met him and learned from him and spent this past eight years growing alongside him.

I always thought that my story would end the same way as the Phantom’s. Inevitably, I would know that I could never be with someone I loved while maintaining their own happiness, because my way of loving was too possessive and passionate to a fault. Too full of feeling and too lacking in perspective. I was to let that person go and watch them leave with someone else, someone more stable and functional who made them happy. And I’d still be something grotesque and alone but ultimately accepting that it must be so.

And here I was, a new person, watching this beloved story of mine with the man who helped me learn to trust again, who has made me feel a way I’ve never felt before. Someone I plan to spend the rest of my life with. And it just made the entire experience all the sweeter.

I have no idea if any of this made sense, to be honest. I’m serious when I was I was practically in an altered-stated, I was so incredibly overwhelmed the entire day. That feeling is gone and I am now only remembering it the best I can. I just wanted to try to record the grandness of it -- the way this show makes me feel, the beauty of the set and the songs and the plot, the person I’ve become, the excitement of sharing what I love with the man I love, and the beauty of seeing an old friend vivid, beautiful new light.

[davidpwilson2564]

Bloglet

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Head out to Queens.  Much confusion re the trains.  They are doing work on the tracks.  There are no announcements regarding this.  I talk to Kenichi (how did we manage in the pre-cell phone era?) he says he heard about the track work on WINS radio.  He says the train won’t stop at Continental, where we usually meet.  One thing and another happens and the train makes the usual express stops.  But I don’t get off because it’s too late to change meeting places.  I get off at Van Wyck.  There is a new (well, new to me) federal building, all metal and smoky glass. A monstrosity.  When Kenichi picks me up he refers to it as the Darth Vader building. We go to his house.  I spend time with the girls.  Little Jenna says she is already looking forward to spring and going upstate to “Yogi” to play and swim be with her newfound friends.

In the night I have another of those dreams. I am playing with the New York Philharmonic in (what is now called) Geffen Hall.  But I have been given a snare drum and I am sitting in the house, far away from the orchestra, the drum in my lap.  I am too play along with them as best I can.  I don’t hear them so well and sitting in front of me is a lady with extraordinarily big hair.  So I don’t see much.  I do the best I can and when I stop (apparently it is the end of the piece) an emissary from the orchestra appears and tells me I played too loud throughout and should not expect to ever be asked to play with them again. 

Note: As I thought, but didn’t look up, Kuniko’s birthday was on Feb 8.  I think she would be happy to know that her son is doing well and she’d still be laughing at my calamitous failings. 

Monday, February 13, 2017

  Head out to the doctor.  Cold and strong winds.  57th Street especially windy, of course.  That huge building near Seventh Avenue.  The Renoir Building that I always want to call the Degas.   Haven’t been to the doctor in such a long time that I have to ask what floor she’s on.  The music in the lobby, not too loud, is “Russlan and Ludmilla.”  Notoriously slow elevators (that I recall).  I discover that I am early due to a slight mixup in time (the confusion, on my part, because of cancellation due to that heavy snow).  But here is the good part: I have no trouble changing my insurance from Magnacare to Medicade.  I expected to have to fill out forms but it was all done for me (waiting, expecting a problem, I could feel my blood pressure rising.)  I take a seat and read.  Later: See the doctor.  Much poking and prodding.  Blood drawn.  (She is wearing slippers on which there is an outline of a cat’s face.) Flu shot. Urine proffered, to be tested.  Meds will be available, I’m told, at the Duane Reade in my neighborhood. 

Home. WFCR. Observance of  Rudolf Firkusny’s birthday.  Delightful man.  Only spoke with him a couple of times .  His son, Igor, was a drum student.  Fond memories of Mr. F, his wife and son.

Later: Things going well until I go to pick up my meds.  I have made an enormous mistake and have no excuse for it.  I thought I was covered by my “gap” but learn I am not.  Very bad.  The nice lady will not give me my meds until I resolve the problem with my drug plan. 

Ignoring high blood pressure issues (what’s the worst that can happen?) I sit at the bar at the Emerald and have a Stella.  A couple of off-duty opera singers are there, sort of singing along with a Johnny Cash medley.  One of them doing alternate lyrics.  E. g.  “I keep my pants up with a piece of twine...because you’re mine, I walk the line.”  Am joined by Wally Dunbar.  We have a burger and beer and conclude with a short Guinness.

  I feel really stupid about the mixup with the meds.  The full, non-discounted price wasn’t even discussed.