#i am also still just focusing on my mental health and gettin past the stuff that ended up with me quitting my jo b

[hyah-lian]

OKAY IM POSTING TOTK STUFF NOW. MAKING A QUEUE OF THE STUFF I PUT IN DRAFTS

Will tag with #totk

Final warning

Doing it now

[infinite-insignia]

((I uh. made an edgy moodboard for myself. also a vent/rant under the cut.))

(( wasn’t exactly in a super angsty mood earlier but then I thought abt things and my brain went “man I really was a horrible person huh” so basically this is a representation of my edgy kin thoughts whenever they resurface. not even joking, some of the quotes are p accurate. especially the “killed my old self but the new me isn’t much better” one cause it reminds me of my death and honestly yeah. that was totally my doing. tryna be a better person in this life but I guess I can’t do that. I mean it didn’t work back then, why would it work now. tho if I give up on remembering my last life, I’d be giving up on what’s p much my purpose in this life. remember everything and use that knowledge to (try to) better myself before this human body gives out and this soul fades. cause I don’t think this soul’s gettin reincarnated again. not like I have another shot at remembering everything. but everyone tells me to stop focusing on the past. that it doesn’t define me now. but tbh? it kinda does at this point. the human life I’ve lived? yeah that was normal before I remembered what I was last time. and now it’s all I think abt--and to be told to stop thinking abt it? to be called delusional over it? to have people try and prove me wrong by telling me how I lived my life--or, worse, by saying it never even happened? it hurts me emotionally. like,,,deeply hurts me. I wanna talk to people abt things so I know someone’s listening. that someone cares enough to at least attempt to understand. even fake understanding would be enough cause I’d believe it was real. I’d have someone to talk to outside of tumblr, at least. sure, my psychologist knows a bit abt this stuff, but I only see her once every other week--and not this week. so I can’t talk to her. can’t talk to my mom cause she doesn’t understand and I know for a fact we’d end up arguing. she’s said it before--she wants her kid back. this messed-up delusional freak who brings past lives into their current one apparently isn’t her kid--but that’s who I am. that’s what I do. even among people like me, I feel alone. I can’t talk to anyone and it’s driving me nuts--but at the same time I’m terrified to talk to people because of the reactions they could have. I can talk abt it on here but to you guys it probably just seems like lame, delusional ranting. so I might as well shut up before I start to look like even more of a whiny bitch, huh. I say that despite knowing it’s hard to shut up once I start talking. ugh. man I went from 0 to 100 real quick in terms of bad moods. and it’s not even a bad mood? like I’m upset, yeah. but it doesn’t exactly feel like stress, it feels more like,,,emptiness. like I’ve dealt with this shit enough that I’ve figured there’s no point in stressing over what’s gonna happen every few days or so. my brain wants to mistake this emptiness for calmness--but I’m not calm. I’m not happy, I’m not content, I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I’m a freakshow brought into another life for god knows what reason. Phantom Ruby shouldn’t have had the power to reincarnate me but it somehow did. Ruby itself is here too somehow--it’s just super weak/faint. like,,,I can tell it’s there, but it can’t do much. I can’t even see it anymore or hear it out loud--it’s just like an inaudible voice, kinda like a thought that’s not actually coming from me. if that makes sense. probably doesn’t cause I’m just delusional apparently. oh well. can’t let my mom know I’m going through this cause we’d just argue. cant tell my sis cause she doesn’t wanna hear abt my kin bs. says its annoying cause I talk abt it too much. tho she also says it’s not an issue as long as I believe it and I’m not hurting anyone--and I’m not hurting people. not intentionally. I just wanna talk. have some sort of an outlet. but when most of my past life is full of war and murder and blood and stress and evil and destruction and everything else that is horrible, people are gonna judge me if I talk abt it. think I’m still some murderer today--which I’m not. definitely not. I regret the things I did. yet I’ve had someone tell me that ‘villains don’t feel regret’ and you wanna know what I did in response? pushed said person in a fit of anger. not a super strong push or anything, just enough to throw them off balance for a second. but like,,,you can’t tell me what I did or didn’t feel. sure I may not have regretted a whole bunch during the war, but afterwards? I was a walking ball of stress and regret trying to make a better name for myself but failing. waiting til the end of the planet, when I was the last living mobian, to do something abt it. and that something wasn’t pretty--it’s what caused me to move onto this current life. I get a lot of thoughts from various points in my last life, and those all cause a whole lot of emotions. yet, at the same time, I currently just feel like a void. an empty shell who feels the emotions but not the effects of them. the emotions exist but have no impact currently. tho that doesn’t make sense to you does it? wow. to think I was all happy yesterday over that follower milestone. ofc I have to go and ruin my own mood again since that’s all I’m good for apparently. might just go to bed early at this point. take the rest of the night off. nothing else to do. it’s either sleep or leave myself with my thoughts--the latter of which would only lead to more stress and/or empty feelings. anyway. I don’t want you guys worrying abt me. you can feel bad for me, try to make me feel better, but don’t worry. worrying abt me would be a waste of time. I’ll live. just going through another rough moment all of a sudden. but as long as I have a purpose in this current life, I plan to see it all the way through. meaning I won’t physically hurt myself or do anything stupid over this, so don’t worry. my physical health is just fine. mentally, not so sure. probably shouldn’t be saying not to worry cause now you’re gonna worry. whatever, I’ve been typing way too much. said more than I probably should have. probably look like an overreacting emo teen. but I’m just gonna go to bed and try not to let these thoughts get to me. tho my brain is most active right before falling asleep most nights so I doubt that’d work. gonna have to go to school tomorrow. no use in arguing, it makes everyone feel worse. it’s just gonna be a slow, crappy day. at least wednesday is a half day and then we get the rest of the week off for thanksgiving. not that we’re gonna be celebrating this year, we cancelled out plans cause my grandma’s sick and we usually go over to her place where she cooks thanksgiving dinner. but certain smells make her nauseous and the whole thing would be too much of a hassle, so we cancelled that this year. I’m kinda worried abt her. haven’t seen her in a little bit and she has another surgery in december. no idea what kind of surgery but she’s in her 70s and has been sick before so. idk. I do know I’m concerned for her and also myself. my own mental state is a wreck and idk what to do abt it. but for now I’m gonna go to bed. sorry for taking up so much of your time, assuming anyone actually read this whole thing.))

[vandykecarolpdrf7]

Kristina Lost over 100 pounds on Keto Without Exercising

Kristina, who recently shared her journey with losing 100 over pounds with POPSUGAR, adopted the ketogenic diet.

She is proof that it all starts with a choice and a plan, her circumstances were not ideal to start, she dealt with the following life challanges:

A friend’s unexpected death

Quitting her job

And moving to a new graduate school program across the country

How it Started

A choice! And a Plan!

She points out “Don’t feel like you have to know EVERYTHING when you start. I’m still learning new things about keto now, three years in! Get the basics, and figure it out as you go.”

In March 2014 she researched Keto on  Reddit. After doing a few hours of research, she made the switch.

She made a plan and tracked her Keto Macros and said “Not everyone on keto tracks all their food, but it works for me”

Starting in at around 250 pounds, she hit 100 pounds weight loss on her 25th birthday (Nov. 4, 2016)

  When she met her initial goal

Not everything always goes to plan and you may hover around a weight, and have a few set backs at times, I know this well, Kristina says “A few stumbles are bound to happen on any weight-loss journey, “but I’m back at it and super close to a new low weight.”

  What Advice Does Kristina Offer

“Making it a habit. Eating low-carb just became . . . what I did. A habit. Same with going to the gym five times a week. It was hard to adjust at first, and there were lots of days that I just wanted to go home and be lazy, but I pushed myself to make it a habit. Now it feels weird NOT to go to the gym! I love the saying that’s something like, ‘People say motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.’ You have to make the choice to commit to it every day.”

For loosing weight found Tracking Food in Keto Helpful.

For my first year I just focused on diet,  I knew that if I changed too much, too fast, I’d burn out and quit.

I drink at least a gallon of water a day, but don’t snack.

I’ve tried to cut out snacks since the beginning, because I much prefer having a full meal.

I shared my journey on Instagram and found it a huge motivator, for when i was ready for the gym.

  Whats Next for Kristina

She is now focusing on her building muscle aspect of her journey and says:

“Right now I’m trying out new macros and going for high-protein, moderate-fat — I want to build muscles! But it’s still very low-carb.”

Her Final piece of advice is “Don’t feel like you have to make a huge lifestyle change all at once. You don’t need to eat totally clean AND live in the gym AND get a Fitbit AND start juicing AND do a detox, or whatever. Start where you start. That’s better than nothing.”

  2019 Update

Sadly due to life circumstances, Kristina is no longer doing Keto, the way I personally have structured my diet is much more flexible than stand Keto and have been doing it for over 6 years, I hope one day to share this structure with others as I personally feel that the limited published version is too restrictive. Here is a blog post from her blog:

Wow, I sure stopped writing on here, didn’t I?

It’s been almost a year since my last blog post — woops. The last year has been hard. Really hard. My chronic hives flared up in late January and didn’t get resolved until May. That was months of pain, discomfort, and hopelessness. A chronic illness really takes it out of you. Not to mention, other things in my home life were…not going so great, let’s say that. I dealt with it by eating…. a lot. A lot a lot. It all came to a head in mid-March and I decided I needed to change my life. In May, I finally called it quits with keto after months of carb bingeing, getting back into keto for 4 -5 days, carb bingeing, getting back into keto….etc. It wasn’t healthy, physically or mentally. In August, I left my job and moved to Texas to live with my boyfriend, Justin, whom I’ve been with since 2015. And it was scary! And hard! And a lot of adulting stuff. Since then, I’ve been settling in and looking for work (ahhhhhhhh, the most soul-sucking of activities) and gettin used to life here. For a while, I didn’t notice the difference between normal stress and depression-stress. I figured it was supposed to be this hard — moving, changing your life, all that stuff. But eventually I figured it out: my meds weren’t working the way they needed to anymore. I’ve been on antidepressants for many years. I don’t like to talk about it because of course, the dumb stigma surrounding it, and having had ‘friends’ throw it in my face in the past (they are not friends. Anyone who uses your mental health against you is not a friend and you need to cut them out of your life). But that’s the truth. I need medication to make my brain work like a normal brain. Anyway. As other people on psychoactive medication know, the process of finding a new medication is long and hard. I’ve been tapering off my main antidepressant (viibryd, for those who have asked) since December. Today is the first day of trying a new one (effexor) and I’m hopeful but cautious. Side effects can be rough. It can take weeks to months to know if it’s working. But I’m trying. While tapering, my anxiety went through the roof. I’d somehow taken viibryd for nearly 4 years without knowing it was also an anti-anxiety   I really just thought I’d *gotten over* being anxious. L M A O O O O O O GIRL. I did not. And then came the apathy. Just…. a flat, gray, uncaring about anything. Eating too much? I don’t care. Skipping the gym? Don’t care. Staying in bed all day? Don’t care. Neglecting instagram, isolating from my friends? Don’t care. It may be a hard slog for the….well, the foreseeable future, to be honest. I don’t know if this med will work for me. I don’t know when I’ll know. But I am so. tired. of my own crap at this point that I’m gritting my teeth and doing things again. I turned my step notifications back on on my fitbit. I’m going to actually try to hit my step goal more than never. I’m going to eat in a deficit, even if it’s just a small one. I’m going to go to the gym. So that’s that! That’s my life right now! Mental health is hard and bad mental health makes lots of things very hard, and that’s just reality! It’s 1:30 PM and I’m still in my pajamas but I *have* left the apartment today, and I *will* go to the gym later. I’m trying. And I’ll try to write on here…………. again…….. ?? with much less of a gap in between posts.

Wow, I sure stopped writing on here, didn’t I?

SOURCE

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