#i am also indebted to another blog's answered ask

[melancholy-lute]

G&S + TS: "When a wooer goes a-wooing" + "Hits Different"

"tears that blister" & "feelings fester"/"food for fishes only fitted" 🤝 "threw up on the street" & "my sadness is contagious"/"I slur your name"

I should think of someone newer

But I'm left here feeling bluer

When each memory is truer

It hits different 'cause it's you

(Hits

different

'cause

it's

you...)

[random-mha-thoughts]

Late (Todoroki x Reader)

Pairing: Todoroki x Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: You’re getting married in two days and drunk Todoroki has something he needs to say.

Inspo: This Tiktok by avoeia

Word count: 1,985

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​

a/n: Oh boy, hold onto your butts and grab some tissues, I’ve written myself deeper into my depression with this one.  Have yourselves a nice little downward spiral with a small side of slow burn. Not gonna lie though, it feels really great to write angst again, it’s therapeutic in a way.  Also I’m really not gonna write a sequel to this, I’m sorry :(.  I’ll keep the ending open for you guys to decide what happens for yourselves or debate about it.

"Shouto," I hold back my giggles.  Both of us are admittedly a little too drunk for either of us to be standing at all.  Which is why we're face up on in the middle of the dance floor, his body facing the opposite way as me and his head still next to me.  "Stop it, my stomach hurts!"

"And remember that time," the boy continues, his own speech garbled by petals of laughter, "When we were younger, you fell from a tree and you ended up getting dirt in your mouth, and I teased you for eating dirt, and you got so mad you actually scooped up a handful, stared me straight in the eyes, and ate it?"  He rolls towards me, guffawing at the memory.

"You-!"  I shove him aside, bursting out into my own fit of laughter again, the fuzzy image of his shocked face appearing before my eyelids.  "You didn't think I could do it, so I did it, I had to show you up!"

Even through my spinning vision, I can tell Shouto's eyes have squeezed into crescents, the biggest smile on his face.  Finally breathing to rest my aching stomach and lungs, I lay my head on my arms, admiring him with a dumb smile.  He's looked so happy this entire day, it gives me a warm feeling inside to know he's living a better life than he did before.

He's changed so much in the past...wow almost 20 years?  I think to myself, finally doing the math.  We've known each other since we were five, meeting in Kindergarten and slowly building a friendship since then.  There were rough patches on his part, starting from him father's push to train him into something he never asked for.  Shouto would always sneak out every night, pouring his heart out to me with teary faces and anger I know I've only seen.  Every insecurity, vulnerability, and regret of even being born, every dark secret and thought he's ever had towards his father, I've been there to help him through it.

Going through the same high school, I saw his change, even though I was in the General Studies class.  Seeing him make other friends who helped him grow when I couldn't be with him all the time, I'll always be indebted to them for taking care of my good friend.

Now, seeing him as free, open, and joyful as he was when we were just stupid kids feels like it's all come full circle.  As we lay here in the middle of a makeshift dance floor, the last people at a party that one of my other friends threw for me, strung up with alcohol still pumping through our veins, I realized he's matured so much.

"Thank you for being in my life, Shouto," I mutter softly.  "I can't imagine anyone else being here with me right now, before I move into the next part of my life."  I chuckle to myself.  "I wouldn't want anyone else next to me right now."

Shouto's laughter finally dies down, wiping the tears off his face.  The purple-pink colored lighting casts onto half his face, bicolored hair sweeping into his eyes.  His tie and the first few buttons on his shirt are carelessly undone and his cheeks flush because of the alcohol.  "Yeah.  Who knew you'd get married before me?  You always said I was the more attractive one."

"Shut up," I scoff, poking his forehead.  "So what if I did?  There are some really mean but handsome people too."

"You're calling me mean?" he smirks.

"Maybe!"

Sharing another round of lighthearted chuckles, I scan his upside down face, my ear pressed again the cold, tile floor.  We bask in the pleasantly heavy and warm nostalgia around us, our history that brought us here.  It's funny how time passes but you always somehow end up in a similar place.  Shouto stares back at me, fingering his now-empty bottle of beer while his eyes blink out of sync with each other.  My eyelids slowly close, hearing the familiar sound of his breath in the timeless moment.

"I love you, (Y/n)."

Just like that, the spell breaks.

My eyes fly open.  One look into his melancholy eyes tells me he doesn't mean it platonically.  I force myself up to sit up, cold waves passing through me.  Conflicting feelings of fear, surprise, anger, and closure mix together.  Somehow, I knew this would happen for years, I was just waiting for the shoe to drop.

It's hard not to fall in love with your best friend. When you've seen them at their worst and their best, helped them through every growth milestone in their life, you can't help but fall in love with them.   And I did, while we were still in middle school, maybe even earlier than that.  I just never confessed because I didn't want to burden him with everything his father was putting him through, it was never the right time.

Funny how life works, giving you something you wanted just a few years too late.

"This was probably the worst time to say that, I admit."  The rustling behind me signals that he's rolling up to sit also.  "But I can't let you get married without me getting it off my chest first, it would have eaten away at me and something else would've happened.  And I don't expect anything, I just want you to know how I feel."

I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to that now.  The anger builds up inside me looking back at the entire history of our relationship.  I wobble up to stand on my feet, ignoring the wave of dizziness that threatened to knock me back down.

"I know you're angry, and you have every right to be-"

"When did you come to this genius conclusion?" I snap.

There's a silence before he answers in a mumble, "In high school."

I whirl on him.  "And you waited until now to tell me this?!"  Noticing the shame embedded into his features, I run a hand through my hair in frustration.  "I can't believe- What do you want me to say, Shouto?  What did you think I was going to say?"

He rubs the back of his neck as he stands on his feet slowly.  "I'll be honest, I didn't even think I'd be able to say it, I didn't think that far."

I huff and pinch the bridge of my nose.  Well, since we're clearing the air.  "Shouto," I start, calming my shaking figure down, "I...I loved you too, but I knew way earlier than you."

"Then why didn't you say anything?" he raises an eyebrow.

"How was I supposed to?" a bitter laugh escapes me.  "In high school, you said you didn't think you can handle love!  You wanted to focus on sorting out your identity and find yourself, and I respected that!  And the only reason I didn't tell you before that is because your stupid dad was already giving you a hard time, why should I burden you with my feelings?"  My hands cover my face as I wobble a few steps.  I remember how torn up I was the few days after he admitted this to me.  How was I supposed to feed my selfish desire when he needed support a different way?  "It was just never the right time and you weren't ready.  You needed a friend more than a lover at the time, and that's what I gave you."

"But what about now?" he steps closer to me.

"Shouto, I'm getting married in two days!" I yell at him.  "I got over you because I thought you would take a long time to be ready, but obviously you were just lying to yourself!"

His mismatched eyes downcast.  "I know, I'm sorry.  If I wasn't a coward about everything and I had sorted out my feelings earlier, we wouldn't been in this mess."

I sigh, blinking back the frustrated tears starting to pool in my eyes.  "Don't apologize for that.  You're not the best at emotions anyway."

In the silence that followed, I think about what he said.  If he had said something sooner, or if I'd been selfish, where would things have been?  What kind of life would I have lived with him?  He'd probably be the one I would be walking down the aisle towards.  The image chokes me up with tears again.  I feel guilty that my heart skipped a beat seeing it.

Shouto patters up to me and rests his hands on my quivering shoulders.  "Do you...still love me?"

A sob escapes at his question, unable to hold back anymore.  "I loved you for so long, it wasn't easy to get over."  I swipe my tears off my face.  "But I love him too, Shouto, and I can't abandon that just because we sorted this all out now.  That's not fair."

I didn't have any regrets or lingering feelings saying yes when he proposed to me, why am I feelings this now?  It makes me feel worse.

"I suppose it wasn't meant to be, then," my friend whispers quietly.

Overwhelmed with emotion and my running stream of tears, I throw myself into his chest and he immediately wraps his arms around me, stroking my head softly.  "Idiot," I cry, "We're both idiots."

"I know," he agrees quietly.  "It's better this way.  I probably won't make you as happy as he will."  I don't know if he truly believes that or he's just saying that for me, or for him, or for both of us.  "Just look at the mess I made now, I'm quite the homewrecker."  At the small breath of a chuckle I let out, he gently cradles my cheeks in his palms.  "You'll live a great life with him and you'll love him as you did me, I know you will."

I lean into his touch.  "You were my first, it won't be the same."

"I know," he offers me a sad smile and wipes the remaining wetness from my eyes, "But you have to try."

I sniff, trying to keep anymore tears from falling.  "Damnit, Shouto, look what you've done.  You did this to ruin my wedding on purpose, didn't you?"

"It wasn't my intention, I just wanted to be honest."  He runs his hands down my arms.  "I think you've had enough partying and drama for the day.  Off to bed."

He gently leads me by the arm into my bedroom, turning his back to let me change.  The fact that he even remembers which drawer has my pajamas in them as he picks out a set makes my heart sink.  Leaving me to get a glass of water, he returns once I've settled down onto my bed, legs held to my chest.

"Alright, get to sleep."  He pulls the covers over my legs and guides me to lay down.  This all reminds me of the time I got drunk at our graduation party and Shouto had to carry my drunk ass home and put me to bed.  Smoothing the sheets and blanket over me, he turns off the bedside lamps and stands up.

"Shouto," I shoot up and grab his wrist before he leaves.  I hate letting him leave like this.  I've already rescinded my fate, but part of me still wants to be selfish.

He understands without me saying anything else, but he doesn't oblige me much.  Laying me back down, he brushes my hairline with his thumb and plants a lingering kiss on my forehead.  The small act holds so much affection that I know he's still suppressing.  "Goodnight, (Y/n).  Sleep well," he whispers.

With that, he rises and leaves the room silently.  His familiar footfalls decrescendo as he walks through my apartment, opening and shutting my door, leaving me trembling myself to sleep, lamenting what could have been.

[my-fanfic-library]

Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [6]

Masterlistt

A/N: really quickly I just wanted to thank you all for the love and support on this fic. I’m so overwhelmed with all of the attention it got so far and I can’t tell you all how happy your likes and comments and reblogs have made me. I’ve just had the worst three months of my life and I haven’t been this happy in such a long time, so I just wanted to say thank you all so so so much for giving this dumb fic your time and affection it really means the world and more to me ❤️ I also just wanted to say that I’m not being ignorant or rude with not replying to people in the comments, this is a side blog of mine and thus tumblr won’t let me comment on this account - only as my main. Please know all of your comments have left huge smiles on my face time and time again and everyone who has requested to be on the taglist is on there. There’s a few accounts that won’t let me tag, so I am sorry to those individuals, I have tried my hardest to rectify the issue and I’ll continue to do so until it works.

Enough of my blabbering, let’s continue with your’s and Dracula’s journey❤️

~^*^~

You looked past Dracula’s face for a second, eyes locking with Zoe’s as she frowned. Her back was pressed against the wall, standing close to a man armed with a gun and the usual (stake and cross). Again, you found yourself in the glass box, sitting at the large desk with the vampire sitting opposite you. Today, he had been granted one wine glass of blood, which was sitting beside him. A gentleman and a wine glass went hand in hand, and you didn’t really mind the fluid that filled the glass.

“Must we proceed with such formalities?” Dracula sighed.

“Yes, Drac.” You rolled your eyes, focusing back on him.

“And why is that?”

“Because this is my job.” You crossed your legs as you sat, trying to get comfortable under the heat of his gaze, “now, today we’re going to talk.”

“As opposed to the sumo wrestling we did last time?”

“Funny.” You sneered, rolling your eyes, “I just want to know a little about you.”

“Ask me anything, darling, I’ll spill all my secrets to you.” He tenderly took the glass between his fingers and took a sip. He gasped, like he had been deprived of air and he was finally getting oxygen back into his system.

“I want to know, specifically, about blood. The last time we spoke here, we talked about the Demeter, remember?”

“How could I forget? It was in those moments you captivated me, [First].”

“Enough flirting, I’m trying to earn a living here.” You scolded.

“My bad, go on.” He licked his lips, deciding he wanted to create a little eye contact with you. His mind wandered back a week, to the second night he was ever allowed entrance to your humble abode. It was the most interesting affair.

~^*^~

You sat curled up on the sofa, as you did most evenings, watching the usual soaps when your door knocked. Instead of getting up to answer, you allowed it to open itself and a low “only me” rumbled to your ears. When your living room door opened, you peered over to see the familiar face of your vampire acquaintance. He took no time in strolling in and settling down into the plushness of your La Z Boy. Clearly he favoured that seat above all others in your home.

About ten minutes passed as he allowed you to watch the end of your soap, and when the credits began to roll, you stretched out on the sofa. Dracula eyed you, much to your obliviousness, and then spoke up.

“I’m glad to see you got my message. Thank you for trusting me.”

“Yes, I was meaning to ask about that. When did you get a phone?”

“Oh, it was a gift from my lawyer.” He told you nonchalantly.

“Your lawyer?” You cocked your eyebrow at him.

“Yes, I helped start the law firm back before I even met Jonny, you see, so he told me he feels indebted to me. Bought me the phone to help me settle in and adjust to the new world.” He explained.

“Right. Well, should we go for a quick walk?”

“A walk-...” he cut himself off, “seems good...” his attention on you had all but disappeared as he watched the next show begin to start. A food show, showcasing all sorts of delicacies, “gracious, and to think back when I was a mere mortal all we had was over-boiled starches...”

“Yes, culinary has come far, hasn’t it?”

“Is that chocolate?” He ignored your question, “but it’s so expensive!”

“Actually, it’s extremely cheap now. Besides, why are you of all people worried about the fate of chocolate? You don’t even eat it.”

“Humans are always so greedy for the delicacies of life. I suppose such things as pineapples are common as well.”

“We can literally grow them here now.”

“Let’s walk.” He chirped, clearly irked at how society had decided to treat such magnificent things.

“Honeslty, though,” you spoke, “I’d kill for some melted chocolate and strawberries.” You threw the words over your shoulder as you walked to the door.

A soft “oh” came from your lips when you swung open your front door to find a heavy drizzle greeting you. You felt Dracula’s hand slide over your back and then the sound of material as he opened up your umbrella. He stepped out, nicely sheltered with nylon. He held his hand out for you to join him. Not thinking twice, you took his hand and found yourself pleasantly surprised when he linked his arm with yours.

You allowed him to lead you where he wanted, first nearing the river before deciding to walk parallel to it. Walking in silence, you listened to the gurgle of the river and the sweet birdsong up in the thick canopy of trees. It was nice to know that the birds were enjoying their break from the hot weather.

Dracula took you up the steep hill that lead towards the viaduct, and once at the beginning of the ginormous structure, turned left, away from it and further away from Whitby town. The cindertrack this way was not lit at all and you found yourself relying on sheer instinct and the man beside you. Your heart began to race a little, wondering why on Earth he was leading you down this dark path.

Below your feet was an odd mixture. The firmness and sharpness of small rocks and pebbles, and the sinking feeling of the drowned cindertrack that clung to the underside of your shoes. On more than one occasion, you found yourself slipping and had to cling on to the vampire for dear life.

How ironic.

A good chunk way down the track, where a holiday park was a little in front of you and positioned to the left of the track, Dracula stopped and turned to face you, keeping the umbrella perched high above you to prevent you from getting wet. Now your heart really began to run.

“No need to panic, I just want to talk.” He explained gently.

“What is it? Why did it have to be here of all places?” You grumbled.

“I’ve brought you here because it occurred to me that your neighbours liked to listen in. To save you any trouble, I thought we’d talk here where no one would hear. Well, I’ve brought you close to where there’s other humans, so that if you needed to scream, they’d hear and come running.” He spoke in a tone of seriousness, but once finished, broke out into a toothy and boyish grin

“You’re not funny. It’s dark and wet. What did you want to talk about?” You folded your arms.

“Your proposal last night. Your life, for someone else’s? Will you gift me with the information of this so called meal you wish to bestow on me as a token of your gratitude?”

You froze. In your delirium, you had promised Dracula another’s life for your own. Although you genuinely hated that person from the bottom of your heart, could you ever send such a cruel doom to them? How could you live the rest of your life knowing that you, and solely you, had caused their death? All over some teenage heartbreak? Their behaviour had lead to your drastic move, your enrolment in such a dangerous occupation, your distrust of anyone and everyone. Did that justify you sending a vampire to feast on them?

Then again, if you didn’t deliver, what would Dracula do to you? You would have lied to him and he had already spared you once before with a warning. Do not cross him again. Did you dare to defy him? Did you dare to retract your proposal? Even if you sent him to that person, there was never a guarantee that he’d let you be. He could always strike out. Were you willing to risk that?

“Yes... there’s somebody down south, in London to be exact. I... I think she’d suit your tastes very well...”

“I hope you’re not just sending me as a revenge plot [First]. I would hate to have completely misread you.” He continued to grin.

“Not... entirely...”

“Not entirely? You bad girl. And I thought you were afraid of me? Now you’re using me as a weapon? How cold of you, [First]... How very...” he grinned at you, a wretched grin that seemed to highlight the exact type of evil he was. It may have stayed on his face for a second, if that, but it was enough, “delightful.”

“Don’t get too excited, toothy. I don’t know exactly where she is.”

“Give me her name, darling. I will be able to find her. Hopefully she can live up to your promise.”

“You’ll really go?” You asked, genuinely surprised at his willingness.

“You trusted me with entrance to your home, as well as being utterly alone with you. I’d like to return the favour and believe your words, as well.”

“I see... well before I tell you, you must promise to come to the Foundation a week today. I promised Dr. Van Helsing I’d continue my study on you.”

“You have my word.” He bowed his head a little in sincerity.

“In that case, the person in London you’re looking for is Lucy Westenra.”

~^*^~

Dracula eyed you as you glared at him. Had he done something wrong? It took all but six seconds for him to realise just how badly he had zoned out. He wondered how long you had been speaking, how much of your words he had missed thinking about that evening.

“You didn’t hear a word of what I said, did you?” You inquired, tone laced with annoyance.

“Now, that’s not true, I heard that sentence.” He smirked with a familiar boyish charm.

“I asked you about blood. You told me that when you drink a person’s blood, you build your skills. Care to elaborate for me?”

“Of course. You see, I believe you call it DNA nowadays, but when it is consumed, due to my... superhuman abilities, I am able to absorb in sorts, the very DNA. I can acquire desirable attributes all by drinking blood.”

“And that’s why you chose your victims carefully aboard the Demeter?”

“Indeed. My goodness, you are a smart little lady once you get that brain working, aren’t you?” He leaned forwards, gaze boring into your eyes. He liked the way they sparkled with life, glistened with mortality. He wondered what you saw in his eyes.

“You’re the one telling me, I’m just piecing together things that I already know with the new information you’re giving me.” You shrugged.

You continued to talk to Dracula, writing down important notes on him as he spoke to you. His voice carried easily and as you were already too aware, was very pleasing to the ear. For a long time, you bantered back and forth as he gave you answers to the questions that you needed. He seemed very at ease with you. Every now and then, one of you would glance over at Zoe, who kept a strange look of discontent on her face.

You looked over at Zoe once more, who tapped her wrist to signal that your time was up. You alerted Dracula of this, and also informed him that he would need to stay in the Foundation until sundown.

“I do have one last question for you, though,” you whispered. Zoe did not need to hear this, “where have you been for the past week? Did you find... it.”

“Indeed I did.” He smirked.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, but you ignored it and stalked out of the cell, leaving him alone. Zoe informed you as you left that she wished to speak with Dracula, and you were free to go. When you left that room, you collided into another familiar person.

Jack.

“Sorry, [First], I saw you coming but I guess I couldn’t stop in time.” He flushed a little.

“That’s alright.”

“Were you just in there with Count Dracula?” He inquired lowly. It was as if he was worried about the vampire hearing his words.

“I was getting information. Why?”

“Well... Dr. Van Helsing and myself... we’re a little worried about how close you’re getting to him...”

“Jack, it’s my job.” You glared lightly at him.

“I know that, but-“

“But nothing. If he wanted to kill me, rest assured I’d already be undead by now.”

“[First]-“ he began with an annoyed sigh, however you pushed past him and stalked away.

You decided not to go home, and instead found yourself sitting on a lonesome bench overlooking the harbour. Your eyes continued to wander towards the sight of the Abbey stood proudly on top of the cliffs. It was a very attractive town, Whitby. You could see why Dracula would want to become acquainted with it. It was picturesque and oozed with an old-fashioned aura only a small seaside town such as this could ever wish to. It was perfect in every way.

Sitting looking at the sight, you couldn’t help but think about Dracula’s visit to London. You wondered if he would return after today. He seemed to have forgotten you a little. He would occasionally send you a text (something that still made you laugh with the ridiculousness of it) but for the most part, he seemed very much preoccupied with London.

Had he already taken her life?

Had he really found her or was he bluffing to save face?

That night at around 11pm, when Dracula had still not come to visit you, you let your curiosity get the better of you. You only wished to know if she was still living. Maybe he hadn’t found her after all, and had travelled south again to continue searching for her. After all, London was a very big city.

Facebook was the obvious choice as you typed in her name. It came up straight away with the amount of mutual friends you shared. Her face was still as beautiful and youthful. Still as deceiving as her outward personality. She had begun to see an American boy, you noted, maybe a month or two ago, however, his own account seemed to be missing from her page. You knew why. Even if some men did know she was taken, they’d still happily bed her. You supposed she just liked the secrecy of this permanent man in her life. You scrolled down a little, looking through shared games and memories when one post struck you as odd.

‘Lucy Westenra is feeling... naughty 😈

[not usually into older guys, but.... ;)]’

So he had found her... and the fact that he had kept her alive made something odd stir in your stomach.

Two months passed without hearing a word from Dracula. You had begun work with Zoe and Jack - a secret project looking into the undead with the information Dracula had given you, along with ancient accounts found from the nunery Sister Agatha had been a part of. Although no undeads had been reported for a few decades, it was still worth a look into given the complexity of Dracula and the possibility of more dangerous creatures like him lurking out there.

Zoe was more than a little concerned at his disappearance. You chose to neglect to tell her that you had sent him to London to murder an old friend. She didn’t need to know that. And neither did Jack, considering his crush on Lucy had seemingly tripled in the time you had not spoken. You had to question his choices, in all honesty, considering how kind-hearted and tender Jack was and how... well, promiscuous and without inhibition Lucy was. They could not be more mismatched and you wondered if Jack knew this at all.

It wasn’t that you were jealous of his feelings towards her. It was more that you were disappointed. You would never confess that to him, though.

Whilst Dracula was gone, you were able to live your life somewhat normally again. You occasionally found yourself wondering over where he could be but other than that, your life returned to normal. You could sleep in peace, knowing that he was hours away from harming you. It was a nice break from the whirlwind friendship you had formed with him. Was it a friendship? Did you have any right to call him a friend? The thought made you feel ridiculous. What kind of person befriends a vampire?

You honeslty had no clue, but the way things had turned out, it seemed you hadn’t befriended him at all. He had disappeared. It made you a little disappointed - the realisation that he maybe wouldn’t come back. But it was most likely more unhealthy to loiter around a vampire than it was to not.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 7 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker

[crazy4myself]

Okay so get ready for a long ass ask, because I am ready to gush about 'No harm list' (I'm sorry in advance for it, please forgive me)

So I started yesterday because I love Mafia AU, and right from the start the story was so interesting with the fight, how she helped him but then it ended up being him helping her, and then helping each other (yay teamwork!!) And I just wanted to know how it was gonna develop!! And then there was the whole story with daewon and hoseok (who hides his secrets very well) but I mean he had to be in a gang because he literally killed the guy who killed his sister... and in my head, it was blaring alarms everywhere!!! But dumb ass reader was too much of an idiot to put 2 and 2 together... as always!!

And then they all grew on her (I mean how could you resist any of them really). I'm not gonna lie, I thought something was gonna happen with jimin... because he is the best, come on!!! He is sweet, caring, hot, intelligent, etc. (Also I don't if I was just dumb or really hadn't read correctly coz I didn't know Jin and Namjoon were thing until he woke him up with the contract in the morning, but I do have the attention span of a fly)

The characters are super interesting, especially taehyung and namjoon. The former because he's hot then he's cold (yes I just referenced Katy perry), but he has so much history and such a difficult background and there is so much potential with his character!!! Especially with the whole kissing thing from chapter 10, that was something I definitely did not see coming... And namjoon.... aaaah namjoon, I honestly dont know what to do with him!! Like I think he is intelligent and he knows what he's doing, and he's caring and then he pulls shit like with taehyung and suddenly the only thing I wanna do is strangle him!!! But he must have more things to him that explain why he's acting like that, and I wonder when we're gonna learn about his backstory and what are him into this weirdly ruthless leader that still cares.

And I'm so happy that hosoek is back to being her friend!! I was over the moon when that arrived!!!

And to finish, I really wonder how the whole kissing jungkook-kissing taehyung thing is gonna go down... is she gonna go to taehyung because she thinks that jungkook is acting like that because he's indebted?? Is she gonna go to jungkook because taehyung can be a little cold?? Is she gonna go to neither?? Is she gonna pull a weird move and kiss jimin so she doesn't have to choose?? (I know far fetched but I really want something to happen between them!!! Yes I'm acting like a 5 year old that doesn't get what she wants and constantly talks about it)

Anyway, all of that to say that I simply adore this story. I love the storyline you came up with and I can't wait to see what happens next!!! But please take care of yourself, eat and drink enough, take some breaks and sleep especially during exams season!!!

All the love from a fellow student, although I'm from another country... All the love ❤

I am overwhelmed in the best way possible this is such a kind and loving review! I’m so happy you’ve enjoyed the story thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me!!!

I don’t get ask very often and I always get so excited when I do so to get one this long is just 😭🥺💕 so let’s dive in

First off yess thank you for calling out my dumb ass for not letting the reader catch on on Hoseok was in BTS I think that’s one of my biggest plot holes, and the main reason why is bc I changed my mind abt her knowing abt BTS pretty last minute in the drafting process when I was writing last year. So some of the details in the backstory and her time with Hobi is pretty muddy. I constantly think about going back and changing it lmao but at that moment I’m content with her being dumb.

As for the shipping... I don’t plan to drag out this love triangle nonsense for too long I hate any kind friendships getting complicated over love interests, so you will have answers soon. Unfortunately, I can tell you for sure that it is not Jimin. But don’t fret! Jimin actually gets his own spin off story one day! It’s About him falling in love with an environmental activist who hires him to make bombs. It’s going to be such fun to write! You may be able to find some more details on it if you explore the tag No Harm List on my blog it might be pretty deep tho.

As for Namjin. Believe it or not you are not the first person to say you didn’t get that they were together. Which is interesting bc I feel like I leave some good hints and have them refer to each other as “lover” a good bit along the journey but that’s definitely a plot point I should go back and polish somewhere for clarity sake. Thank you for pointing it out!

As for Namjoon you’ve heard a good bit of his back story from other peoples POV like suga and J-Hope. And honestly there’s not too much more to say at the moment. The reason he is the way he is is because power is hard. It’s hard to get. It’s hard to keep. And when you’re a mob boss you need to be ruthless and sometimes that ruthlessness hurts the ones you care about. I do have to say I think he’s one of my weaker characters on the emotional spectrum. I’ve only approached big picture plot points from his POV. But I think I will challenge myself to think a bit more in his perspective and delve into his character a bit more for clarity sake.

Thank you so much for this amazing review it also gave me a lot to reflect on as well which I really appreciate!

And thank you for your well wishes I have four more exams left but I’ve taken down two and final a paper so far! So we’re going strong!!!

[recurse-game]

FAQ

(crosspost for mobile users)

Q: You’re making a game?

A: Yes!

Q: Why?

A: Largely self-indulgence. But if we have similar taste, I think you’ll enjoy it too.

Q: How long is it going to be?

A: Short. Probably less than two hours in total.

Q: When’s it coming out?

A: In its own time. I’ll let you know.

Q: Where can I download it, and how much will it cost?

A: It will be pay-what-you-want over on itch.io! I’m indebted to the legacy of freeware horror rpgs, so it’s the least I can do. If there’s insane demand, I might also consider a steam release or a paid artbook/soundtrack, but don’t count on it.

Q: I would rather watch a playthrough than download a game. Do I have options?

A: Yes! When the game releases, I’m planning on uploading an official no-commentary playthrough on my youtube channel, for those who prefer the less interactive experience.

Future Devon revision: unfortunately my plans for my own no-commentary playthrough fell through. Lucky for you, there are some folks who have already uploaded playthoughs to youtube! You should be able to find one by searching for “re:curse”.

Q: How scary is it going to be? Are there jumpscares/flashing?

A: Personally, I think it’s only a little scary, but it’s a subjective question. The game WILL contain jumpscares, sudden loud noises, and sequences of flashing. Please proceed with caution if you have photosensitive epilepsy.

Q: Who are you?

A: My name’s Dev Palmer! The “dev” is short for “devon,” but also “developer.” I am to the larger world a cg artist. I like art that makes you feel strange. I am a “they/them.” If the internet didn’t exist I think I’d be running a puppet theater.

As social media goes, I am fairly active on twitter and somewhat active on youtube. Updates for this game I’m going to try and centralize on this blog for organization’s sake, but big news should make it to all three places.

Q: Why RPGmaker?

A: Like I said, largely self-indulgence. It’s something my teenage self always wanted to do. I love the “RPGmaker-like horror game” as a genre, and wanted to put my spin on it.

Q: But it sucks.

A: I absolutely agree. Please do not use RPGmaker to make your game in the year 2021.

Q: Didn’t you make a film about this or something?

A: Yes I did! It’s called Caroline and the Curious Contagion, and you can watch it here. re:curse takes place in the same universe. The game is a standalone story and you don’t need to watch the film to understand the game. However, the film isn’t very long, and I think you’ll probably enjoy it if you watch it.

Q: I have another question that’s not on this list!

Send me an ask! I can’t promise I’ll answer everything, and there are certain things that I want to keep vague or secret, but I’ll try my best.

[splittingxpaths]

[Alright guys, the changes have come! Here’s what you can expect;]

General updates!

URL name change! seerxtaiko >> splittingxpaths

Rewritten my rules page; not much has changed, but it’s more clear and organized. Included a new rule that duplicates of Frieza and Paragus are more than welcome to interact with my own.

Created a new muse page; each character has a short summary I’ve written so that you know what to expect. Besides Taiko, Frieza and Paragus, I’ve also added summaries of Shami (the parasite from the previous ‘arc’ I was/am writing for fun) and Orachi (ex-friend of Taiko from Namek).

Written a page for THREE main verses that can be picked!

A.Seer’s.Life; a verse without Frieza or Paragus in Taiko’s life. Frieza and Paragus are available, but Frieza is unaware of Paragus surviving, nor knows about Taiko and their existence. Paragus lives in the northern cold region of Earth, unaware of his son’s survival. Shami is taken in by Taiko after coming to see the kind of host he had.

Starting.Over; a verse where Taiko found Paragus, who had become gravely ill at some point. Nursed back to health, the old Saiyan would stay because he feels indebted to Taiko, despite his protests of being helped. Shami in this verse has never returned to see what kind of host he had, wandering out in the wilderness and learning to survive.

Forced.Recruitment; essentially the Frieza Force AU where Taiko was found a year or so after Broly’s fight with Vegeta and Goku. Taken by some goons in hopes that Frieza could use the Namekian to find the dragon balls when the radar had been lost, Frieza instead finds another use of Taiko and their seering powers. This verse is outside of Earth, Taiko pressed into service so as to serve Frieza with their ability to see the multiple futures. Shami in this verse has never returned to see what kind of host he had, but could be found and trained to fight.

Created a brand new set of tags to use; will no longer use the old ones.

Found and edited a new theme for the blog; created a background for the said theme to better fit the theme of mystic/tarot that I associate Taiko with.

In the process of creating banners/headers for separate muses for answering asks. Is lower priority.

Will be creating a relationship page and will be listed as Ships [UC]; have not started yet. Please let me know if you’d like to be included!

Making icons for Frieza; will be mainly from the movies “Resurrection ‘F’” and “Broly” at current. Frieza’s icons has been finished!!

Creating a new promo post to introduce the revamped blog. This also includes a newly made artwork to reflect this blog as best I can. Might take awhile. Higher priority!

Muse updates!

Rewritten summary of Taiko; removed the old bio page, as well as other unnecessary pages.

Added Frieza; during the Super timeline, generally a year after the Tournament of Power & “Dragon Ball Super: Broly”.

Added Paragus; post-movie “Dragon Ball Super: Broly”, headcanoned to have survived the death beam by mere inches from his heart.

Added Shami; a parasite that had been feeding on Taiko’s energy ever since it drained most of Seer Kika’s own ki.

Added Orachi; ex-childhood friend from Namek. During the Frieza saga/invasion on Namek, had fled in fear when he and Taiko were caught, rendering their friendship damaged and broken. Has since then trained harder than ever, trying to be the warrior he should have been, still wrecked with guilt.

Thread updates!

Will be dropping most threads; had too many pile up during the time where I ask for a thread but then depression or the likes would make me lose motivation. I will look through the group of threads I have waiting on me and pick through them. If I drop a thread, I’ll attempt to make a post and tag you about it.

Any interactions before Shami the parasite finally revealed himself can continue on as normal without Shami’s presence being known. We can continue developing our muses’ interactions until we reach a point that this can occur.

[thegodthief]

No Favour To Return

I am breaking my self-imposed exile from Tumblr because I had responded to a Tumblrite on my main blog and felt led to repost it here now in case the intentionally anonymized Tumblrite is still present and wants my response.

“This is probably not helpful, because I’m much younger than you and not part of any community to speak of but: I have been quietly following you since I made a tumblr to follow people with because I was in a cult in my teens and something no one ever talks about is the ANGER and the HURT and the way that it just KEEPS GOING even as I keep going– the way that it so overtly breaks you and so subtly continues to break even years later– but you. You talk about it. And that– that is a light for me. Not because of ‘it gets better’ or anything hopefully trite like that, but because it /doesn’t/, you just live with it better and worse and your writing sets it out so plain– trauma is trauma, and even in the older pagan/polytheist circles I’ve found, no one likes to just face up to the scars. You do, though, and write it so well– I don’t know. It helps, and I can’t say that I can return the favour at all– but it helps. So. Thank you. I am sorry you hurt so much.“

My response: 

That was a message sent to my Tumblr blog quite some time ago. I never answered it publicly there because I didn’t want to expose the sender to undue harassment.

It’s funny how whenever I brought up the abuses I experienced in the Christian cults that the responses would mostly lie at two extremes. Either there would be an avalanche of people declaring that my abuses are why Christianity needed to be crushed, wiped out, and made illegal, and in doing so, be completely blind to the fact that they are continuing the very same thoughtcrime punishments that my abusers did but with a different name. To them Christianity was a virus that required purging even if it meant destroying the youngest and most vulnerable of hosts.

Or there would be a large number of professed Christians who would drown my inbox with messages of love and sympathy while doing their damndest best to make sure I did not identify them with my abusers. But they didn’t realize that in making sure that they stood on the neck of those who hurt me, they were also stepping on the neck of their victims who believed them or could not escape them at the time.

Both groups, in making sure I knew that they were not like those evil people over there, also made sure I knew that to them, I was responsible for what was done to me because of my beliefs at the time. They didn’t come right out and say it in those clear words, but they made it clear that anyone who yielded to the abusers, deserved the abuse.

There is still a vicious judgement from those who have never been hurt in this way when the question of “Why didn’t you run?” is finally spoken. I have had one baptised, redeemed, washed in the Blood™, gentle soul of a Christian tell me to my face that it was obvious that the only reason I remained in the cults for so long, was because I obviously had to have enjoyed being exorcised beaten, because she wouldn’t tolerate even a rude word spoken in her presence.

Those of us who have been prey, have been taught how to recognize a predator. And many in the various religious, spiritual, occult, and/or metaphysical circles have that predatorial aura to them even though they will declare to their own people how welcoming and safe they are. Folks like me who have come through don’t want to trade one master for another, but we are not given space to find out how to master our own lives, much less how to learn how to navigate our freedom.

I have rage the depths of which I am only now beginning to understand in the literal decade since my apostasy. It took stepping back and looking at not only the cults themselves I was involved in, but the actual cultural fabric of my country, my socio-economic class, and the racial entanglements that made me vulnerable in the first place.

But so many people don’t want to look at how all those pieces interconnect to create snares and shackles that are hard to avoid and harder to escape. It is so much easier to point to the Person Who Got Away™ and blame them for being hurt. It is so much easier to say that their community would not have allowed this than recognize that their community would not have accepted the runner because the runner is the wrong ethnicity, age, gender, excuse.

It is so much easier to tell the Person Who Got Away™ that because they don’t know, they can’t help, and because they can’t help, they won’t try to help. And it’s not like you were really hurt, because no one knows that the mask you wear is glued to your face by your dried tears and snot.

After I declared myself apostate, every year I avoided everything possible during the Christmas Season until last year. My family thought I was being surly. My coworkers thought I was being a bitch. How do you explain to people that the church body you believed in and supported had told you that you were too demonically tainted to participate in church body Christmas celebrations, so either stay away or better yet, allow yourself to be locked in this small room with a bible and a chair so you can study away the demons that would otherwise ruin Christmas for everyone else, and because of that, any group gathered for doing something Christmasy sends you into a panic attack because you are expecting to be asked to lock yourself away again? (Or that because of that anxiety, you are not comfortable in any public celebratory group, and you’re leaving so no one sees you crying?)

You don’t.

You make excuses like how you made excuses for the bruises, the cracked rib, the lack of spending money, your unavailability to your unapproved friends, your subservience to anyone with a loud enough voice.

You continue keeping the abusers safe.

That is how the abuse keeps going even though it has been years since I was in the same space as them. It’s just easier to let people think that you’re just “odd”, rather than you’re dealing with PTSD.

Last year, when Christmas season began (prior to Halloween, what the hell!), I stopped hiding. When people asked why I wasn’t at the numerous (formal and informal) work related parties, I had only four words to tell them. “That’s not my thing.” Because of my work, I have many clients who feel they are entitled to more personal information about me and would ask if I was brought up “that way” or if something happened.

“Don’t worry about it.” If they persisted, my answer would be more blunt. “That is not for discussion.” I may not be declaring what was done to me, but I’m not making excuses, either.

I am as I am and I will not adjust myself to make you comfortable because you want to continue believing that your personal value system of choice has never been used for harm.

I will tend to my scars and make myself comfortable as best as I can in the environments I am in now.

And that makes people who don’t have those scars uncomfortable.

So here I am, a decade into my apostasy, and involved in Christianish things like saints, and angels, and prayer, and the like. I have had people drop ugly messages in my inbox about obviously not being able to function like a “normal human” because I’m apparently going back to my abusers. There have been declarations that I deserve whatever pain comes from my actions, because if I hadn’t learned before how evil Christianity was before, then I’ll never learn.

Something something dog vomit something.

And ya know what… that is fucking abusive. That I’m choosing to walk out this part of my recovery from the cults by making the active and aware choice to investigate and explore other ways Christianity can present itself is seen as a sign of mental illness requiring physical restraint is abusive. Those of you who say/type that are no different, and no better, than the people who tried to literally beat the devil out of me.

I will not hide that some of my wounds are still mending. I will not hide that some of my scars itch at the sounds of certain words. But the fact that I can recite the Pater Noster with a grieving client in my office and grant her five minutes of peace will always triumph over whatever ugliness people with agendas try to carve out of my side.

*deep breaths to let the rage evaporate*

My Dear Reader, I don’t know if you now follow this blog or if you are still only viewing what is on Tumblr, but I hope, and pray, that comfort, healing, rest, and solace reaches you. That you are able to find how to clean your wounds and soothe your scars in ways that don’t damage you further. That you have found a path to come out of the pain still etched in your memories so you can create new memories with new sensations. And that however you come through, whether through kink and/or abstinence, silence and/or exposure, stillness and/or creativity, abandonment of what you grew up in and/or discovery of something else to mature in, that you come through on your terms, to your health, and for your recovery.

If you still feel indebted to me and want to return the favour, do this: Live however you damn well feel like living, and we’ll call it good.

I grant permission and encouragement to any and all who wish to reblog and/or repost the above words with the condition that I, Kerian Nox, am not removed as author. I understand how Tumblr ignores posts with external links, so you may link back to this one as your source if necessary.

*resumes exile*

Go all now in peace.

[percywinchester27]

Soooo Hiatus!!

Hey guys, remember that announcement I told you about? Well this is it.

Short version: I’m going on an hiatus till mid August (11th or 12th?). That’s a little less than a month. 

What does that  mean for the blog? It means that I won’t be posting any new fics till then. I won’t be answering asks like I do. BUT, there’ll be a queue running. If you really need me, drop me an IM. I’ll be sure to check it once every few days. Cool?

See ya. Love you <3

longer version (life update, asks from the inbox and such) below the cut:

Ummmm well....I need a break. Physically, mentally. I just need to step back a little.

I don’t know how many of you know, but 2018 has SO NOT been my year. I’ve been very sick. VERY. Trust me, I don’t take that word lightly. Just in the last 2 weeks, I’ve lost 5 kgs (I think that’s what? 11 lbs?) and its still dropping. I am relatively better now. At this point, I can’t quit my job and sit at home, so I have to drag my ass to work everyday. By the time I get home, I can barely move an inch, let alone, write and keep up with the stress of posting on schedule.

Secondly, Tic Tac Toe, a series I spent a year and a half over has finally seen its end. I put my heart and soul into that series, planning every second of their lives in my head. The love I got for it has made me grow so much, really. I want to thank EVERYONE who’s had kind words for the series. Who read every freaking part and left feedback for it and asks. You know who you are! I am indebted to you, and will forever love you.

The past two weeks in bed would have been terrible without all those comments. Trust me, I have every comment, every ask learnt by- heart, I’ve read them so many times now. That being said, I don’t think I have to much heart and soul left after that series. The hangover is terrible, and I feel a little empty inside. I had been so consumed by that story, that I can’t move on from it. As a result, I’m struggling to write anything else. I miss that Sam. I miss that reader. I just want to take sometime to find the inspiration to write again, to write something else. 

For those of you curious about the orphanage, I found the kids. They are at another orphanage at the farthest end of the city, but its pretty cramped there, and not too good as far a living conditions go. I’m taking the management to court over it. It’s scaring the shit out of me. But I can’t not try and help.

For those worrying about why there is no light and electricity in my apartment, it’s not cause I’m broke. I make enough to look after myself. It’s not a luxurious life, but I don’t have to worry but splurging a little in mall or have to worry about bills and food. The electricity distribution board in the locality caught fire which caused all the problem and it is mostly solved now. Since I live in an apartment complex, no electricity by default means no water, cause it has to be pumped into an overhead tank. I’m fine, but also beyond humbled by the concern in my inbox. Y’all are actually blessings.Thank you for wanting to help me via my Ko-fi though. It’ll go into the court case for the kids. I make enough to help myself, but a legal battle requires way more than that. However, do remember that the ‘buy me a coffee’ is a choice, it is never a compulsion or obligation. So don’t worry.

For the Nonnie who asked about ABF, I met him on Thursday, after I joined back at work. I was a little miffed cause he didn’t say a word about me losing weight so suddenly, but then I realised that he never says a word even when I gain too much weight suddenly ;) It’s not about appearance for him. I am just glad he notices when I cut my hair (twice a year in April and October. It’s a tradition, don’t ask why XD) and if, once in a blue moon I apply eyeliner. He always has something nice to say. 

That’s all of the anons/ asks in my inbox broadly answered. 

I might try and catch up on some reading though ;)

So wish me luck??

I’ll see you guys bright and early on 12th August with the first chapter of my Dean Series. It is an AU and very fluffy.... also, kinda unconventional. I hope you guys like it.

LOTS OF LOVE MY BEAUTIFUL FOLKS <3

-Ana <3

[helloaymawkward]

Ghost of Future Past

“So, it’s your last day here?” I asked the senior lab tech training me for the day. I asked myself as well, for the umpteenth time.

I’ve been contemplating on handing out my resignation letter since the first week of my first “real-world” job. How unappreciative, right? I should at least endure a year!

Well, that was my plan even while I was still an intern. When my ghost of future past would haunt me, I would remind myself to:

Experience the actual med tech life, save up, and maybe love the job on the process! Plus, almost everyone who knows about my dual citizenship, says I’m so lucky to have an easy path to their ideal job. I would just be like that exemplar alumni who now lives the American dream life.

The American Dream life was my new aspiration. The former one was "to become (ehem) a NeUroSurGeon" when people asked the ultimate question after high school. The younger me - who didn't know her limitations yet - thought operating on brains would not only make me rich, it would also make me cool.

Why not? I was a salutatorian. I could do anything! 

Being a neurosurgeon was the best field I could think of that is related to my interest.

I was (and more so am!) very fascinated by a person's values, morals, emotions, and way of thinking. I thought all of which has a common denominator: the mind, the human brain. I took up the supposed best pre-med because I was for sure taking the straight path of studying brains as med subspecialty. 

However, after being placed in environments where I was not always at the top, and often at the bottom instead, I somehow had let go of the Neurosurgeon “dream”. 

 It turns out that I can do anything, but not everything.

(Click Video Link below to see if how I would be if I were a doctor.)

https://streamable.com/0ly3pn

I seriously considered shifting to Psychology at the end of my third year. I even consulted the college’s guidance counselor (which was of no help because they only cared about students who are suicidal or, with absolute failing grades). There were days I balled my eyes out because my study table was far more interesting than the lessons I had to master.

I hated myself for changing so much. I thought that my prudent high school self would be more suited for my college life. She was studious and focused. She knew her priorities. She seemed wiser too.

She once said on her salutatory speech that “This stage is our port, and our diplomas are passports to our respective life destinations.”

With those flowery words, one would think so. But I realized then that my high school self was also none the wiser.

For her, life’s destination were stability and success. She only knew she needed to escape. So, she bought the ticket for the number one tourist spot for premeds. She didn’t care if she barely heard about her first stop; wrote Bachelor of Science in Laboratory Medical Science instead of Medical Laboratory Science on her enrollment form. (I applied originally and got accepted for Psychology. I only had a full spell out of the course during enrollment hehehe)

Apparently, I bought the wrong ticket. Still, I endured my premed major. I was already in it. I didn’t want to waste the money, time, and effort I invested for the past 2 and a half years.

It helped that my mom’s mantra “You can do it! Ikaw pa! Fake it ‘till you make it!”, my aunt’s “Your problems are nothing compared to what we’ve been through.” and my grandma’s “Quitting is hopelessness, and hopelessness is the devil’s work. You just need to pray more.” were constant reminders that made my ghost hide somewhere in my subconscious.

Plus, finishing one more year of my bachelors, find a good job as soon as I can, and finally be an independent and professional adult sounded more ideal than “spending more time in school.” 

To become one less mouth to be fed from the many who are so dependent on my mom (and in turn equals dad), to be able to give back to my parents (who I feel so indebted for since I'm not exactly my step dad's responsibility), and to my Mama Lola as soon as I can was a better motivation than “I want to help better people’s lives.”

I didn’t know I was a Gang Tae. The loved ones I look up to are Gang Taes. In turn I became one. My motivations were worthy of what I presumed was a (for the lack of better words) heroic sacrifice.

I wanted to take my Mama Lola away from our seemingly perpetual suffering that close-knit Filipino family seem to excel at.

I was afraid to be stuck or get swept by my current circumstance. I still worried for my past, that the changes that lead to the present weren’t genuine, and people would eventually fall back to their old habits – their unchanged selves. Most specially, I feared becoming just like them.

I had to be independent as soon as I can.

AS SOON AS I CAN.

Now some parts of Soon has come:

·        finish my bachelors

·        get a good job

Parts of Soon that hasn't come, yet:

o   Becoming an independent adult (I still live with my parents, and they I still provided for my meals. Heck, my dad still even drops and picks me to and from work!)

o   Take my Mama-lola away from her stressful sons by encouraging her to go here in the US (I know she'd be more comfortable when I'm with her in a country where she repeatedly described her life would be as FOREIGN, LONELY, and ISOLATED.)

o   When worse comes to worst, be financially stable enough that no matter how messed-up my family and extended family may become, I will be able to survive on my own without bother.

You see though, after I checked the first two, my ghost of future past kept knocking on me; keeps knocking on me...

Particularly when internet algorithm keeps suggesting personality and career tests with results that exactly fits (and unbeknownst to many) what I truly value , and shows me this quote:

 Or Vlogs like: (watch whole vid at the end of the post.)

And this Ted Talk: 

My mom asked me several times, “What's your plan? Don't you want to grow?” When I was still applying for jobs.

I had different a answer. But if I were to say what I truly felt I would reply:

"Yes, this is part of the plan. But I don't know if I'll grow here - if I even want to grow. This plan is a practical and quick sacrifice. I'm just following it. Not pursuing it. Of course! I want to grow! *pun intended* but not on this career path."

Hence, my ungrateful thoughts of burning my first bridge even if I barely started building it. I really thought I’d learn to love it when I start living it, specially if it’s the “ideal life”.

Apparently, like the words affect and effect, “The Ideal” and “The Fulfilled” - what’s “interesting” versus what’s “valuable” - are often confused. This most specially occurs when one’s justifications root from fear (or need to escape) and envy (or envisioning someone else’s exemplar life.)

 “Fake it till you make it.”

 “A shallower problem…”

 “Quitting is hopelessness…”

 “You’re so lucky, you’ll just become like her..”

 “As soon as I can!”

 These are the words that make me treat what I find valuable, as something that I should fear. I try to ignore it, but my mind conjures almost everything I see, or that happens as a sign – as its face, as my ghost.

My coworker training me (among all four trainees) on her last day, and finding out that after 30 years in our laboratory she is still transferring to the company she first wanted to work for, is another face of my ghost.

A ghost telling me that, no matter how far I’ll make it, if I faked my way, in the end I’ll still long for what I truly value.

That my dilemma isn’t shallow. I am aware of my privileges. I may have it better than others, but it doesn’t mean what I seek is invalid.

That quitting,  or changing a path isn’t hopelessness, or laziness. Sometimes, it’s the most unexpected detour I didn’t think I need. 

Above all, it won’t make me the kind of person who is among my greatest fear of becoming. (More of this on another story.)

That I don’t want to become “just like her.” I am grateful, and I am indebted to what others call as “luck.”

Nevertheless, I want to become the person I wished I had when my mom was still a mess. I want to be the guide that my younger cousins, and other neglected children and young adults can confide to and can listen to. I want to be the person whom adults can trust and lean on as if they were children, so they can become better adults. I want to be the mentor I wish I had in school, and I wish to have in life.

That I should stop thinking “As soon as I can!” Because, I am not delayed. I should not be in a rush. I don’t need to be my or society’s “ideal”. Whatever I decide to do, it is best to be done at the present since it’ll only fundamentally affect me (unlike when I’ll act on it if I have children, or debts.)

Or am I getting ahead of myself again? Am I putting meaning into nothing? How can I find work that is related to what I value, especially during a pandemic? Should I hand in my resignation?

I ask myself these as I try to conclude this blog (Again! I thought I arrived at a conclusion yesterday), on an unexpected day off because dad’s car suddenly died last night (for the first time since they got it, and as I was waiting for another sign), while eyeing Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search For Meaning” (the book just got delivered this afternoon.)

  ***Originally written on: 08/17/2020***

[rosywrites]

Vows

Title: Reunited Chapter: Vows By: ArisuChanSenpai (Visit my blog for AO3 link!) Fandom: League of Legends Ship: Jhin x Sona

Quiet rustling resounded in a large room, where sunlight flooded through the windows and sheer, white curtains. The hedge of rosebushes outside were colored with blooming red, pink, and peach roses that attracted butterflies and hummingbirds to their nectar.

At the end of the room, a tall mirror stood along the wall and reflected the near-empty room except for a few women surrounding one dressed in white sitting on a chair.

“To think so many people from all over Runeterra would come for this wedding.”

“I’m more surprised Demacia even let Noxians go through their gates.”

“Well, you’re a different case, Kat! You’re practically engaged to my brother!”

“You, you didn’t have to bring that up, and you know it.”

A smug giggle echoed across the walls. “Oh, I know. Besides, any non-Demacian were sworn to neutrality before they were allowed to enter.”

“I never thought I would be a bridesmaid for your daughter’s wedding, Lady Lestara. Valor and I thank you.” A soft squawk sounded from another’s shoulder. 

“I do apologize for taking your time away from your duties in the military, Quinn, but I thought you would like to see my daughter’s wedding before you moved on to your next mission.”

A chuckle. “I would do anything you or Lady Sona wishes, my lady. I am forever indebted to you for your influence on our acceptance into the military. Besides, I’m overjoyed to hear that Lady Sona is finally getting married after all these years.”

“And with a ball, no less!” Lux excitedly gushed. “I’ve always wanted to dance in a wedding. Doesn’t it sound so romantic, Kat? Dancing together hand-in hand, looking into each other’s eyes, while the music fills the ballroom?” She leaned against a blushing Katarina with a dreamy sigh. “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I embarrassing you?” Katarina didn’t say a word.

“Lady Sona, how are you feeling?” Akali asked, bending down to Sona’s level. “Nervous?”

Sona’s chest rose with a deep breath. Oh, she was nervous. People from Noxus, Piltover, Ionia, Shuriuma, even Bandle City, and more came to Demacia for her wedding. Not to mention, she was going to do the first dance after the evening banquet. Dancing with her groom. Her love, Jhin.

It had been years since she and Jhin started seeing each other. Wanting to start anew with a compulsion-free lifestyle, Jhin started his own opera company and slowly built up his reputation until most of his performances were full houses. Moreover, he was able to succeed without being noticed by the cabal of the Ionian council.

Whenever she remembered how Jhin proposed to her towards the end of one of his operas, her lips curled into a euphoric smile. She placed her bouquet of white roses on her lap. “I'm fine. I don't even know where to begin to describe how I feel,” she signed.

Akali paused to interpret Sona’s signs before replying, “Of course. Today is a special day, after all.”

Lestara had disappeared during Akali and Sona’s exchange and came back from the hall with a smile. “Alright, girls, get lined up. I just got the signal from Shen that everyone is ready.” The four girls stepped outside of the bride’s waiting room to line up before the grand doors. Lestara helped Sona stand up and looked at her daughter’s reflection in the mirror. “My dear daughter is finally getting married, and I am more than blessed to be able to walk you down the aisle.” Tears prickled her eyes seeing Sona in such an elegant white dress lined with gold.

Sona hugged Lestara tightly. Her mother was so supportive of her and Jhin’s relationship throughout the years, and she couldn’t be more thankful that she was by her side too. Her mother hugged her back even tighter, rocking Sona in her embrace. They lingered for a moment longer before Lestara let her go.

“Ready, dear?”

“Whenever you are.”

Jhin stood on the altar, his finger tapping four beats against his cupped hands. He couldn’t bear to turn around and see the hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of eyes that were anticipating Sona’s arrival to the wedding hall. Any form of stage fright he had couldn’t compare to the giddy feeling in his stomach. For now, he remained still under the stares of Shen, Zed, Kennen, and Garen. He didn’t even realize the nudges against his arm until he almost tipped over.

Zed had walked up beside Jhin, trying to gain his attention. “Not getting a case of cold feet, are we?”

“Cold feet? Of course not,” he confidently answered. “Rather, there are more people than I expected there to be. It’s difficult to turn around to face them.”

There was amusement in Shen’s ghost-blue eyes as Zed sent a knowing look at his friend, his brother, beside him. Shen smirked and leaned in towards Jhin. “Are you sure? Because I think Lady Sona is about to make her appearance.” They smiled in satisfaction when Jhin immediately turned to look across the room, ignoring the eyes that now followed his gaze to the opened doors.

Akali first stepped into the hallway with a basket of cherry blossoms. She scattered them around the white carpet as she walked forward. Behind her was Katarina spreading red rose petals on the sides to let them mix with the pink. Lux and Quinn followed behind next to each other with Valor sitting on Quinn’s shoulder between them.

Behind the bridesmaids were Lestara and Sona, arms linked and elegantly walking down the aisle. Sona’s face was covered with her veil, her hair adorned with golden roses. The diffused sunlight of the afternoon sun seemed to make Sona glow and sparkle with each step.

Beautiful. Absolutely exquisite. Such elegance.

Words raced through Jhin’s mind at the speed of his heartbeat as he laid eyes on the bride. His bride. His love, Sona. He let out the breath that was trapped in his lungs. All the faces and eyes he was so concerned about disappeared into a sea of blur as he watched Sona approach the altar.

She was in front of him. He was frozen in his place, too immersed in admiring how stunning she looked. He remembered to move when Shen gently pushed him towards her.

Words. Where were the words? His thoughts were going too fast to even attempt to utter a sound. Only another speechless breath that made Sona softly laugh into the bouquet. His hands moved up to hold onto the corners of her veil, gently lifting it over her head to reveal her loving expression underneath. If Sona’s walking down the aisle robbed him of his words, this took his breath away.

Gods. Give him the strength to say something. Anything.

Jhin’s lip parted to find his voice. “My rose, my love… you’re beautiful,” he whispered under his breath. He kissed her forehead lovingly before he gazed at her once more. Her eyes expressed so much joy, so much bliss, so much love. He could stare at her forever.

However, they were at a wedding. Their wedding. They turned their attention to the priest who patiently waited for them with a content smile. They nodded to let the priest begin.

“Dearly beloved…” the priest started the invocation and had Lestara tell the guests her story of how she had come to know of their relationship—without giving Jhin’s true past away—and their growing bond and love to each other over the years. She had come to think of Jhin as a future son-in-law and husband of her daughter, as he had shown only love, care, and respect towards her. To her, it was only a matter of time before they got engaged and married each other.

And here they were, now.

Kennen brought forth their wedding rings once it was time for their vows. The priest smiled and turned back to the couple. “Do you take her as your loving wife, from this day forward, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

Jhin kissed her hand and looked into her eyes. “I do.”

“And do you take him as your loving husband, from this day forward, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

Sona gently caressed Jhin’s face as she looked into his. “I do,” she signed.

“You may exchange vows, if you have any,” the priest said.

There was no need to exchange their own vows. Their love was a silent but powerful force that was present in their loving gaze that only reflected each other. Each second was a vow they expressed to each other from their hearts. They loved each other so much that nothing could tear them apart anymore. They’ve been through so much that their no one else could understand what and how much they could express with one simple glance.

“Then, I pronounce you husband and wife.” The priest let Kennen approach the center to let Jhin and Sona take the rings and slip them onto each other’s fingers. “You may now kiss the bride.”

Jhin cupped Sona’s cheek and slowly leaned in to kiss her on the lips to seal their vows and love. Sona also leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck as their lips met in intense affection. All the guests stood up and clapped for this joyous moment between them, cheering for their love and happiness, but the ecstatic heartbeats of the husband and bride drowned them out in their ears.

Nothing else mattered more.

After their first dance, the guests joined in to dance the rest of the evening away on this day of celebration. Women gathered near Sona to possibly catch her beautiful bouquet of white roses. Sona smiled in amusement and threw the bouquet behind her, watching them follow the bouquet and try to catch it.

The bouquet bounced off a few grabbing hands and into the hands of a vaguely interested Katarina, whose jaw hung open when she realized she caught the bouquet.

“Guess we know whose wedding will be next, right?” Lux whispered into Katarina’s ears in joy.

“Crownguard!” Katarina hushed.

“Yes?”

Katarina turned around to see Garen standing behind her, the knight having seen the bouquet land into Katarina’s hands. “You saw nothing.” She tried.

Garen’s eyes moved to the flowers in her hands and smiled. “I don’t see why there’s a need to rush. We can take our time,” he said in a gentler, quieter voice in contrast to his usual booming voice.

Lux hummed and laughed under her breath as she skipped away from Katarina trying to hit her with the bouquet itself. Garen only laughed and chased after her to invite her to a dance.

Meanwhile, Jhin and Sona had quietly slipped away into the garden for some time away from the guests. They sat on an isolated bench within the garden, where bushes and vines of flowers covered them from any peering eyes inside. The crescent moon provided them a sliver of light to see each other’s faces through the shadows of the vines.

They listened to the crickets and the hooting of an owl nearby, enjoying the silence away from the loud ballroom inside. Their ears nearly rang from all the music and loud cheers throughout the evening.

“A ball for a wedding,” Jhin started. “What a grand celebration this is.”

Sona’s shoulders shook as she giggled. “Tired?”

“You wouldn’t believe the state I was in, knowing there were hundreds of people watching me on the altar.” He chuckled to himself, shaking his head at the thought. “I don’t like crowds, but this is an exception.”

“They all wanted to see the Maven of the Strings and the Virtuoso get married. Our names are practically known all throughout Runeterra.”

Jhin gave her a look that admitted she was right. At this point, he was a famous opera singer known for his original compositions and sets for his plays. His reputation moved higher and higher with each performance that he was now sponsored to have another opera in almost every nation. Every performance he had recently was a full house, much to his surprise after he counted the numbers.

Sona turned to Jhin, admiring him as he stared at the moon, and kissed him near his jawline. “It’s surreal that we got married.”

“Indeed. I never would have thought our encounter would lead to this. It’s been so long since we first met in that grove back in Ionia.” Jhin paused to look at Sona’s face in the moonlight, her eyes and her smile brighter than light itself. “It’s almost like a dream.”

Silence befell the two again, but they enjoyed it under the twinkling stars. Sona leaned her head on Jhin’s shoulder and felt his head lean on her hair as he wrapped his arms around her frame. A sigh of bliss escaped them as they gazed out into the garden with only each other as company. This was more than enough.

They were moving on to a new act with new circumstances and a new setting. But they were willing to keep going hand-in-hand, as long as they were by the other’s side.

As husband and wife.

[ashafriesen]

Candid Conversation With Jaibala Rao On being A Single Mom In India

Life of a single mom, especially in India, is quite difficult. We recently had the opportunity to talk to Jaibala Rao, a screenplay writer, a storyteller, a social media & content strategist and a Single Mom. Jaibala has been a single mom living in India and facing the highs and lows of being one.

1. Tell us a little about yourself. Who is Jaibala Rao?

Jaibala Rao is just a simple girl, trying to tell the world how complicated life can be, and yet how worthwhile it is. Yeah, I am one full on dramebaaz…I guess that’s where S gets it from. But honestly, I don’t think anyone can answer or know who they truly are until the very end. We are all constantly evolving and that is who I am. I am a woman trying to do better today than what I did yesterday. And that’s it. It’s like this if I had a tombstone, I want it to read here lies Jaibala, she spoke when she could which was often, she fought when it mattered, and she lived life to the fullest. And that, in short, is who I am.

2. What is Jaibala when she is not a blogger?

What I am when I am not a blogger? Let’s see…I am a writer (it is my full-time profession for now), mother, friend, an amateur singer, amateur crafter, daughter, confidante, listener, advice giver, good citizen. I flit in and out of so many roles on a daily basis, I sometimes confuse myself as to what role I am playing at a particular time.

3. Who is your biggest support system?

My biggest support system is my parents. I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing today had it not been for them. A load of responsibility feels lighter when shared, and they share it with me. I am indebted to them for a lot. I also have a fantastic set of friends, blogging and otherwise. Most of them are a phone call away and some of them 20 steps away. It helps to know that you are not alone and there are people you can fall back on. Some of these friends have pulled me up out of the worst phases of my life and made my life better.

4. What strengths do you think you possess to enhance your role as a single mom?

My biggest strength is that I am a quick learner. You don’t need to tell me things twice, once is probably enough. And that intuitiveness helps me navigate through motherhood very easily. Because parenting is nothing but daily learning. And learning on the go is something that always helps you be a better parent.

5. What weaknesses do you need to look out for?

There are so many. I am not a multi-tasker. And that is most of the times a huge disadvantage I am always running short on time to do things. Also being organized is not my strongest suit, though I am improving but, yes, another huge disadvantage. Also, I am not a very patient person, and I am generally lazy. So yeah all these are weaknesses or let’s just call then drawback because weakness sounds like something final, but these things can be worked upon.

6. How do you handle stress and pressure and what calms you down?

I don’t and most of the time it gets to me. What calms me down is talking to friends, a swim or music. Music probably will be the one that works best….actually depends on which friend I am talking to. But most of the times I just take a break from everything, spend time with S and read a lot and listen to music a lot. Puts things in perspective.

7. How do you manage your work, blog along with being a single mom?

I don’t manage multiple things – S is my priority everything else comes later. Maybe that is what helps me juggle everything. The thing is when you know what your priorities are then everything else that is frivolous falls out of your life automatically. You spend time doing only what’s important. I guess that is the important part of knowing what you want to do. The rest is managed by my feeble attempts at being organized and having a sense of order in the chaos that is called life.

8. How do you respond to questions regarding your decision of being a single mom, especially, when it comes from your kid?

Hmmm, this is hard because when it comes from S, the answer matters. It makes a difference to his life and his world and his sense of being. Thankfully until now we have managed by being truthful with each other about most things and it has worked. I honestly don’t have a game plan except being as normal as I can when I answer his questions. I don’t get defensive or offensive even for that matter. Neutral is what I keep telling myself. I believe, the more I normalize it the better it is for S especially because of his idea of what a father comes from my dad and some of my friends who are all wonderful fathers. So I don’t want him to grow up having a negative image of what a father is. As for the rest of the world, I have a simple rule, the people who matter, do not question me and the ones that do don’t matter. I have actually grown to care lesser and lesser of what other people think because I am the only one living my life, right!

9. How is the life of a single mom in India with a kid?

Until a few years back you couldn’t even get a passport without the father signing off on a piece of paper. I agree that it has become easier but at the core, the systems are more difficult to get around. The biggest example is any forms even if you leave the father’s name blank, they have to fill it most of the time they put my name under Mother and Father both – too much pressure I tell you haha. I remember going for a sonography as a part of a regular health checkup and being asked for male validation there too…Don’t have a husband, please write your father’s name. Sigh! But yes a lot of things are changing and there is a lot that can be changed. The problem is even if things change we are all very slow to adapt to it and Single Parenting in India is still a very novel concept and people are not ready to accept that one person can raise a happy child.

10. Have you ever felt judged for being a single mom?

All the time and doubly so. Because Mothers are judged for everything that they do and to top it off a single mom so the scrutiny is doubled. You are always disciplining too much or too little, overparenting or under parenting, spend too much time or too little time with your kid. And the reason and/or explanation for all scenarios is She is single na…that’s why. If there was a father in the picture things would be different. Sigh! As if having a father in the picture would change the kind of mother I am. I would still be me, an S would still be S. And we would still be going through everything we are going through now. My going out or not every now and then will not change the fact that he is who he is and our family is the way it is. The problem I think is most people only know to measure competence and happiness out of molds. And when people break old molds and recast their own lives, is what does not make sense to them, and so the judging starts. We need more people to break old molds. Yes, that is the solution to this. Every living person should give up the fear of being a square peg and struggle of fitting into a round hole. Recreate your own square peg holes, or triangle or whatever shape you are. Once the fear of living on your own terms is gone, then the judging will slowly vanish.

11. How were your first few weeks (or first year) of being a single mom?

I honestly don’t remember them. They just passed by in a blur of what the hell is going on, what next and how do I get on? I know a lot of people look at single parents as brave and rebels but most of the time they are hurt and unsure of what life has for them. Because life, as they know, has just collapsed. And in the barrage of questions relating to what happened, and how it all happened we are also just trying to figure it all out. So yeah that is what it was like for me. Unsure, unreal and unforgettable but definitely unregretted.

In a developing country like India, life is already hard for mothers and on top of that, being a single mom becomes even difficult.

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[evodex]

Candid Conversation With Jaibala Rao On being A Single Mom In India

Life of a single mom, especially in India, is quite difficult. We recently had the opportunity to talk to Jaibala Rao, a screenplay writer, a storyteller, a social media & content strategist and a Single Mom. Jaibala has been a single mom living in India and facing the highs and lows of being one.

1. Tell us a little about yourself. Who is Jaibala Rao?

Jaibala Rao is just a simple girl, trying to tell the world how complicated life can be, and yet how worthwhile it is. Yeah, I am one full on dramebaaz…I guess that’s where S gets it from. But honestly, I don’t think anyone can answer or know who they truly are until the very end. We are all constantly evolving and that is who I am. I am a woman trying to do better today than what I did yesterday. And that’s it. It’s like this if I had a tombstone, I want it to read here lies Jaibala, she spoke when she could which was often, she fought when it mattered, and she lived life to the fullest. And that, in short, is who I am.

2. What is Jaibala when she is not a blogger?

What I am when I am not a blogger? Let’s see…I am a writer (it is my full-time profession for now), mother, friend, an amateur singer, amateur crafter, daughter, confidante, listener, advice giver, good citizen. I flit in and out of so many roles on a daily basis, I sometimes confuse myself as to what role I am playing at a particular time.

3. Who is your biggest support system?

My biggest support system is my parents. I wouldn’t be able to do what I am doing today had it not been for them. A load of responsibility feels lighter when shared, and they share it with me. I am indebted to them for a lot. I also have a fantastic set of friends, blogging and otherwise. Most of them are a phone call away and some of them 20 steps away. It helps to know that you are not alone and there are people you can fall back on. Some of these friends have pulled me up out of the worst phases of my life and made my life better.

4. What strengths do you think you possess to enhance your role as a single mom?

My biggest strength is that I am a quick learner. You don’t need to tell me things twice, once is probably enough. And that intuitiveness helps me navigate through motherhood very easily. Because parenting is nothing but daily learning. And learning on the go is something that always helps you be a better parent.

5. What weaknesses do you need to look out for?

There are so many. I am not a multi-tasker. And that is most of the times a huge disadvantage I am always running short on time to do things. Also being organized is not my strongest suit, though I am improving but, yes, another huge disadvantage. Also, I am not a very patient person, and I am generally lazy. So yeah all these are weaknesses or let’s just call then drawback because weakness sounds like something final, but these things can be worked upon.

6. How do you handle stress and pressure and what calms you down?

I don’t and most of the time it gets to me. What calms me down is talking to friends, a swim or music. Music probably will be the one that works best….actually depends on which friend I am talking to. But most of the times I just take a break from everything, spend time with S and read a lot and listen to music a lot. Puts things in perspective.

7. How do you manage your work, blog along with being a single mom?

I don’t manage multiple things – S is my priority everything else comes later. Maybe that is what helps me juggle everything. The thing is when you know what your priorities are then everything else that is frivolous falls out of your life automatically. You spend time doing only what’s important. I guess that is the important part of knowing what you want to do. The rest is managed by my feeble attempts at being organized and having a sense of order in the chaos that is called life.

8. How do you respond to questions regarding your decision of being a single mom, especially, when it comes from your kid?

Hmmm, this is hard because when it comes from S, the answer matters. It makes a difference to his life and his world and his sense of being. Thankfully until now we have managed by being truthful with each other about most things and it has worked. I honestly don’t have a game plan except being as normal as I can when I answer his questions. I don’t get defensive or offensive even for that matter. Neutral is what I keep telling myself. I believe, the more I normalize it the better it is for S especially because of his idea of what a father comes from my dad and some of my friends who are all wonderful fathers. So I don’t want him to grow up having a negative image of what a father is. As for the rest of the world, I have a simple rule, the people who matter, do not question me and the ones that do don’t matter. I have actually grown to care lesser and lesser of what other people think because I am the only one living my life, right!

9. How is the life of a single mom in India with a kid?

Until a few years back you couldn’t even get a passport without the father signing off on a piece of paper. I agree that it has become easier but at the core, the systems are more difficult to get around. The biggest example is any forms even if you leave the father’s name blank, they have to fill it most of the time they put my name under Mother and Father both – too much pressure I tell you haha. I remember going for a sonography as a part of a regular health checkup and being asked for male validation there too…Don’t have a husband, please write your father’s name. Sigh! But yes a lot of things are changing and there is a lot that can be changed. The problem is even if things change we are all very slow to adapt to it and Single Parenting in India is still a very novel concept and people are not ready to accept that one person can raise a happy child.

10. Have you ever felt judged for being a single mom?

All the time and doubly so. Because Mothers are judged for everything that they do and to top it off a single mom so the scrutiny is doubled. You are always disciplining too much or too little, overparenting or under parenting, spend too much time or too little time with your kid. And the reason and/or explanation for all scenarios is She is single na…that’s why. If there was a father in the picture things would be different. Sigh! As if having a father in the picture would change the kind of mother I am. I would still be me, an S would still be S. And we would still be going through everything we are going through now. My going out or not every now and then will not change the fact that he is who he is and our family is the way it is. The problem I think is most people only know to measure competence and happiness out of molds. And when people break old molds and recast their own lives, is what does not make sense to them, and so the judging starts. We need more people to break old molds. Yes, that is the solution to this. Every living person should give up the fear of being a square peg and struggle of fitting into a round hole. Recreate your own square peg holes, or triangle or whatever shape you are. Once the fear of living on your own terms is gone, then the judging will slowly vanish.

11. How were your first few weeks (or first year) of being a single mom?

I honestly don’t remember them. They just passed by in a blur of what the hell is going on, what next and how do I get on? I know a lot of people look at single parents as brave and rebels but most of the time they are hurt and unsure of what life has for them. Because life, as they know, has just collapsed. And in the barrage of questions relating to what happened, and how it all happened we are also just trying to figure it all out. So yeah that is what it was like for me. Unsure, unreal and unforgettable but definitely unregretted.

In a developing country like India, life is already hard for mothers and on top of that, being a single mom becomes even difficult.

  The post Candid Conversation With Jaibala Rao On being A Single Mom In India appeared first on Maa of All Blogs.

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[christianpublishinghouse-blog]

Many Bible scholars seldom speak of Jesus’ perfect mind. Jesus was a master at reasoning logically with the common people or the highly educated Jewish religious leaders. Yet, we also notice never that Jesus never abused his ability to reason with others. As Jesus taught others, he always used his sharp mental faculties to advance the truth. There were also moments when Jesus used his powerful logic to refute the false charges of the Jewish religious leaders, who opposed him at every turn. Then, there were many instances when Jesus used logical reasoning in order to teach his disciples important lessons.

Let us look at the occasion when Jesus healed a demon-oppressed man who was blind and mute was that was brought to him. Upon hearing about it, the Pharisees said: “This man casts out demons only by Beelzebul[150] [Satan] the ruler of the demons.” Take note that the Pharisees acknowledged that superhuman power was needed to expel Satan’s demons. However, the Pharisees did not want the people believing in Jesus, so they ascribed his power to Satan. Jesus showed that the Pharisees had not thought this argument all the way through to its logical conclusion. Jesus replied: “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?” (Matthew 12:22-26) Jesus was, in essence, saying: ‘If I were working on behalf of Satan, as you say, undoing the demon possession that he wanted; then, I, as an agent of Satan, I would be working against Satan’s own interests and such divisiveness could not stand.’ Powerful logic, indeed.

Jesus was not done reasoning with them on this matter. He knew that some Pharisees claimed that they had cast out demons. Therefore, Jesus asked them a very simple but devastating question: “if I by Beelzebul cast out demons, by whom do your sons cast them out?” (Matthew 12:27) Jesus’ argument was, in effect: ‘If I am expelling demons under the authority and power of Satan; them, your disciples must have also expelled demons under the same power.’ The Pharisees had no response. They would never allow such to become a belief among the people. The very idea of their disciples acting under Satan’s power was repulsive. Jesus with irrefutable logic, crushed their accusation against him, making them look ridiculous in the process.

Jesus not only used logic to silence those who opposed him, but he also used logical, persuasive arguments to teach accurate, emotionally rewarding and uplifting truths about the Father. There were several times that he used what we might call “how much more” path to reason with his listeners, helping them to move on from a truth that they were aware of to further conviction. We will look at two examples.

Luke 11:1-13 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

11 And it happened that while he was in a certain place praying, when he stopped , one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John also taught his disciples.” 2 And he said to them, “When you pray, say:

“Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. 3 Give us each day our daily bread, 4 and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”

5 And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; 6 for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; 7 and he will answer from inside and say, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his shameless persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. 9 And I say to you, keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone asking receives, and he who is seeking finds; and to him who is knocking, it will be opened. 11 Which among you who is a father, if a son asks for a fish,[1] he will instead give him a serpent; 12 or if he asks for an egg, he will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?”

Here we Jesus disciples requesting that Jesus teach them how to pray. So, Jesus recounted an instance of a man that showed “shameless persistence,” who eventually persuaded an unwilling friend to accept his request. Jesus also went on to describe parents who were willing “to give good gifts to [their] children.” Then, Jesus brought the point home in his conclusion, “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?” (Luke 11:13) The point that Jesus was making here was not grounded in what was similar but rather in contrast. It is simple, if a friend who was unwilling to meet his friend’s needs could eventually be persuaded to do so, and if imperfect human parents take care of their children’s needs, “how much more” will our loving heavenly Father give Holy Spirit” to his loyal children, who come to him in prayer with a humble disposition? Let’s look at another.

Luke 12:24, 27-28 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

24 Consider the ravens, that they neither sow nor reap; to them there is neither storeroom nor barn, and God feeds them; how much more are you worth than the birds! 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,[2] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will he clothe you? You men of little faith!

In the above Luke 12:24, 27-28 is using a similar teaching method when discussing anxiety about our material needs. Yes, if the Father looks after birds and flowers, how much more will he care for his loyal children! The hearts and minds of Jesus’ listeners were undoubtedly deeply touched by such reasoning. After reviewing some of the different teaching methods of Jesus, we would likely agree with the temple guards that were not exaggerating when they said, “No one ever spoke like this man!” However, the teaching method that Jesus is perhaps best known for is illustrations or parables.

How did Jesus reach the heart of his listeners with the art of persuasion? Persuasion: (Gr. peithō) The Greek word literally means to 1.) persuade, convince (Matt. 27:20; Ac 12:20; 18:4; 19:8, 26; 23:28; 26:28). Through the art of persuasion, one can cause another to adopt a certain position, view, belief, or course of action. Someone convinces or persuades another, by bringing about a change of mind by means of sound, logical reasoning. Someone convinces or persuades another to adopt a new belief and to act on that belief. It also means to 2.) trust, rely (Lu 11:22; 2 Cor. 1:9); 3.) be assured (1 John 3:19); 4.) obey (Heb. 13:17); 5.) be a follower, be a disciple (Ac 5:36, 37); 6.) be certain, be sure (Heb. 13:18). Jesus was bold as he witnessed, as he reasoned, explained, and proved in his efforts to persuade. Many lessons come from the apostle Jesus about how to effectively evangelize with the intent of bringing about a change of mind in others by means of sound, logical reasoning. An entire book on evangelism that investigates the skills that Jesus and the apostle Paul displayed as apologetic evangelists is underway at Christian Publishing House.

Proverbs 16:23 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

23 The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth, and adds persuasiveness to his lips.

Acts 19:8 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

8 And he entered the synagogue and for three months spoke boldly, reasoning and persuading them about the kingdom of God.

[1] (א) A C (D) L W Θ Ψ f1, 33 Maj read: “if a son asks for bread, will he give him a stone? [if] a fish, will he instead give him a serpent?”

[2] D syrc,s (ita Marcion according to Tertullian) Clement reads “how it [the lily] neither spins nor weaves”

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THE GREAT TEACHER: Jesus Taught with Irrefutable Logic Many Bible scholars seldom speak of Jesus' perfect mind. Jesus was a master at reasoning logically with the common people or the highly educated Jewish religious leaders.

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Is Suicide Contagion Real?

With the popularity of the Netflix hit teenage high school show, “13 Reasons Why,” there’s been some debate among mental health care professionals and researchers as to whether an actual “suicide contagion” exists. Would such a contagion effect apply to something like a fictional TV series?

Is suicide contagion a real thing? And if so, is it really something we need to be concerned about as much in this day and age of instant entertainment and information available on the Internet, where people’s graphic depictions of self harm and suicide stories are always just a single click away for any teen to view as much as they’d like?

We’ve previously written about the positive impact of ’13 Reasons Why’ and Haley Elizabeth Roberts, LBSW added many more reasons why this series is so important to understanding teen’s mental health. It’s an important topic and one that shouldn’t be hidden from public view because of a misunderstanding of research about the theory of “suicide contagion.”

The theory of ‘suicide contagion’ remains controversial among researchers, with mixed proof from the scientific research. As Randall et al. (2015) put it:

One particular area of sustained controversy has been whether the occurrence of suicide clusters indicates the existence of ‘suicide contagion’ (Davidson & Gould, 1989; Gould et al., 1994; Joiner, 2003, 1999; McKenzie et al., 2005; Robbins & Conroy, 1983; Wasserman, 1984). The existence of a causal effect from exposure to suicidal peers is contentious (Joiner, 2003).

For instance, researchers Mercy et al. (2001) found that exposure to media accounts of suicidal behavior and exposure to suicidal behavior in their social network were associated with a lower risk of youth suicide attempts compared to persons who had not recently attempted suicide.

Many of these researchers are discussing studies focused on people’s real lives and people they actually know. As you can imagine, there’s a lot less research examining the impact that fiction — whether it be a movie, book, play, musical, TV show, or video game — has on a person’s mental health or desire to die due to suicide.

Celebrity Suicide

What about the impact of a celebrity’s death on people? Epidemiological research can help answer that question, since it examines suicide rates after the death by suicide of a known or local celebrity. One of the more recent studies looked at the suicide rate after the death of 25-year-old Lee Eun-ju, a famous actress in South Korean who died by hanging in 2005 (Ju Ji et al., 2014). The researchers found what they called a “copycat effect” following the intensive media coverage of Eun-ju’s death, especially significant for younger women who also used the same method of suicide.

Niederkrotenthaler et al. (2012), in a comprehensive meta-analysis of 10 studies containing data on 98 celebrity deaths due to suicide, also found a slight increase in population suicides. “The pooled estimate indicated a change in suicide rates (suicides per 100,000 population) of 0.26 (95% CI 0.09 to 0.43) in the month after a celebrity suicide,” the researchers wrote.

This isn’t so much a “contagion,” however, as much as it is simply an indicator of increased risk. The use of the provocative term “contagion” — suggesting “an influence that spreads rapidly” — is hyperbolic, meant to spur people to believe that even the mere mention of suicide without proper accompanying warnings and such will lead to widespread increased deaths. Research shows this simply isn’t the case, except perhaps for much-loved celebrities. You can’t “catch” suicidal thoughts and behaviors, like some sort of cold or disease.

Suicide in Fiction

A great deal of what we know about fictional accounts of suicide and the suicide contagion effect are largely anecdotal and not at all scientific. This Scientific American article about suicide contagion offers a good background on these anecdotal stories throughout history.

The scientific research is less clear on the impact that fictional stories have on people who read or view them. Only a handful of mostly-older studies have been done on this issue, the most recent I could find being from 1999 (pre-social networking and large-scale adoption of the Internet). In it, Hawton et al. (1999) found evidence for a 17 to 9 percent increase in emergency room admissions for a specific kind of self-poisoning — paracetamol (also known as acetaminophen or Tylenol) — that was portrayed on a UK television show, Casualty, in the two weeks after the show aired. That’s a significant effect and one worth noting.

But would it hold up today, when young adults and youth already have ready access to everything they’ve ever wanted to know about suicide from online suicide communities that promote both suicidal methods and behavior?

Suicide in a Connected World

Andriessen et al. (2017) found that 1 in 20 people in any given year know someone in their social network who has died by suicide — and 1 in 5 during an entire person’s lifetime. That means that a significant minority of people will know someone who actually died by suicide. But most of us, myself included, live to talk about losing someone to suicide with others.

The challenge in our social networks today is recognizing that teenagers (and adults) have access to as much suicidal content online as they could ever want. They don’t need to wait for a TV show to come out. There are multiple online communities that graphically discuss suicide stories, attempts, and methods. To pretend like these communities don’t exist or aren’t accessible to most teens today via a single click is to live in denial, which is counterproductive. Children and adolescents no longer are growing up in a world insulated from tragedies of this nature. Instead, they have far more access to these stories and resources than any previous generation.

More recently, Facebook Live and other video streaming services are grappling with live suicides being broadcast on their services. Who can stop such graphic scenes in real-time, when it can take only seconds to end one’s life? It seems like we’re focusing on the wrong thing altogether — depiction of suicide in a fictional TV series — when there is so much more — and more graphic — content available online today.

And to help prevent suicide? We can do so much more in our own social networks, by keeping in touch with other people’s real feelings. I know, these feelings can often be hard to get to. It’s not easy asking about another’s emotional health. But your concern may be something that a person drowning in suicidal thoughts can latch onto, giving them some hope for the future.

As Roberts wrote in her article last month, “We, as a society, need to slow down and pay more attention to those around us. We need to listen and not discount what people share with us.”

Good advice for us all.

  If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255) or text “help me” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.

I am indebted to ScienceDirect for providing access to the research studies used as the basis for this article.

  References

Karl Andriessen, Bayzidur Rahman, Brian Draper, Michael Dudley, Philip B. Mitchell. (2017). Prevalence of exposure to suicide: A meta-analysis of population-based studies. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 88, 113-120.

Hawton, K., Simkin, S., Deeks, J. J., O’Connor, S., Keen, A., & Altman, D. G. (1999). Effects of a drug overdose in a television drama on presentations to hospital for self poisoning: Time series and questionnaire study. BMJ, 318, 972–977.

Nam Ju Ji, Weon Young Lee, Maeng Seok Noh, Paul S.F. Yip. (2014). The impact of indiscriminate media coverage of a celebrity suicide on a society with a high suicide rate: Epidemiological findings on copycat suicides from South Korea. Journal of Affective Disorders, 156, 56-61.

Mercy, J. A., Kresnow, M. J., O’Carroll, P.W., Lee, R. K., Powell, K. E., Potter, L. B., et al. (2001). Is suicide contagious? A study of the relation between exposure to the suicidal behavior of others and nearly lethal suicide attempts. American Journal of Epidemiology, 154, 120-127.

Niederkrotenthaler, Thomas; Fu, King-wa; Yip, Paul S. F.; Fong, Daniel Y. T.; Stack, Steven; Cheng, Qijin; Pirkis, Jane. (2012). Changes in suicide rates following media reports on celebrity suicide: A meta-analysis. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 66, 1037-1042.

Jason R. Randall, Nathan C. Nickel, Ian Colman. (2015). Contagion from peer suicidal behavior in a representative sample of American adolescents. Journal of Affective Disorders, 186, 219-225.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/05/19/is-suicide-contagion-real/

[christianpublishinghouse-blog]

Many Bible scholars seldom speak of Jesus’ perfect mind. Jesus was a master at reasoning logically with the common people or the highly educated Jewish religious leaders. Yet, we also notice never that Jesus never abused his ability to reason with others. As Jesus taught others, he always used his sharp mental faculties to advance the truth. There were also moments when Jesus used his powerful logic to refute the false charges of the Jewish religious leaders, who opposed him at every turn. Then, there were many instances when Jesus used logical reasoning in order to teach his disciples important lessons.

Let us look at the occasion when Jesus healed a demon-oppressed man who was blind and mute was that was brought to him. Upon hearing about it, the Pharisees said: “This man casts out demons only by Beelzebul[150] [Satan] the ruler of the demons.” Take note that the Pharisees acknowledged that superhuman power was needed to expel Satan’s demons. However, the Pharisees did not want the people believing in Jesus, so they ascribed his power to Satan. Jesus showed that the Pharisees had not thought this argument all the way through to its logical conclusion. Jesus replied: “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand. And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?” (Matthew 12:22-26) Jesus was, in essence, saying: ‘If I were working on behalf of Satan, as you say, undoing the demon possession that he wanted; then, I, as an agent of Satan, I would be working against Satan’s own interests and such divisiveness could not stand.’ Powerful logic, indeed.

Jesus was not done reasoning with them on this matter. He knew that some Pharisees claimed that they had cast out demons. Therefore, Jesus asked them a very simple but devastating question: “if I by Beelzebul cast out demons, by whom do your sons cast them out?” (Matthew 12:27) Jesus’ argument was, in effect: ‘If I am expelling demons under the authority and power of Satan; them, your disciples must have also expelled demons under the same power.’ The Pharisees had no response. They would never allow such to become a belief among the people. The very idea of their disciples acting under Satan’s power was repulsive. Jesus with irrefutable logic, crushed their accusation against him, making them look ridiculous in the process.

Jesus not only used logic to silence those who opposed him, but he also used logical, persuasive arguments to teach accurate, emotionally rewarding and uplifting truths about the Father. There were several times that he used what we might call “how much more” path to reason with his listeners, helping them to move on from a truth that they were aware of to further conviction. We will look at two examples.

Luke 11:1-13 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

11 And it happened that while he was in a certain place praying, when he stopped , one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John also taught his disciples.” 2 And he said to them, “When you pray, say:

“Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. 3 Give us each day our daily bread, 4 and forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation.”

5 And he said to them, “Which of you who has a friend will go to him at midnight and say to him, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves; 6 for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and I have nothing to set before him’; 7 and he will answer from inside and say, ‘Do not bother me; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed. I cannot get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his shameless persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs. 9 And I say to you, keep on asking, and it will be given you; keep on seeking, and you will find; keep on knocking, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone asking receives, and he who is seeking finds; and to him who is knocking, it will be opened. 11 Which among you who is a father, if a son asks for a fish,[1] he will instead give him a serpent; 12 or if he asks for an egg, he will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?”

Here we Jesus disciples requesting that Jesus teach them how to pray. So, Jesus recounted an instance of a man that showed “shameless persistence,” who eventually persuaded an unwilling friend to accept his request. Jesus also went on to describe parents who were willing “to give good gifts to [their] children.” Then, Jesus brought the point home in his conclusion, “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?” (Luke 11:13) The point that Jesus was making here was not grounded in what was similar but rather in contrast. It is simple, if a friend who was unwilling to meet his friend’s needs could eventually be persuaded to do so, and if imperfect human parents take care of their children’s needs, “how much more” will our loving heavenly Father give Holy Spirit” to his loyal children, who come to him in prayer with a humble disposition? Let’s look at another.

Luke 12:24, 27-28 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

24 Consider the ravens, that they neither sow nor reap; to them there is neither storeroom nor barn, and God feeds them; how much more are you worth than the birds! 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,[2] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will he clothe you? You men of little faith!

In the above Luke 12:24, 27-28 is using a similar teaching method when discussing anxiety about our material needs. Yes, if the Father looks after birds and flowers, how much more will he care for his loyal children! The hearts and minds of Jesus’ listeners were undoubtedly deeply touched by such reasoning. After reviewing some of the different teaching methods of Jesus, we would likely agree with the temple guards that were not exaggerating when they said, “No one ever spoke like this man!” However, the teaching method that Jesus is perhaps best known for is illustrations or parables.

How did Jesus reach the heart of his listeners with the art of persuasion? Persuasion: (Gr. peithō) The Greek word literally means to 1.) persuade, convince (Matt. 27:20; Ac 12:20; 18:4; 19:8, 26; 23:28; 26:28). Through the art of persuasion, one can cause another to adopt a certain position, view, belief, or course of action. Someone convinces or persuades another, by bringing about a change of mind by means of sound, logical reasoning. Someone convinces or persuades another to adopt a new belief and to act on that belief. It also means to 2.) trust, rely (Lu 11:22; 2 Cor. 1:9); 3.) be assured (1 John 3:19); 4.) obey (Heb. 13:17); 5.) be a follower, be a disciple (Ac 5:36, 37); 6.) be certain, be sure (Heb. 13:18). Jesus was bold as he witnessed, as he reasoned, explained, and proved in his efforts to persuade. Many lessons come from the apostle Jesus about how to effectively evangelize with the intent of bringing about a change of mind in others by means of sound, logical reasoning. An entire book on evangelism that investigates the skills that Jesus and the apostle Paul displayed as apologetic evangelists is underway at Christian Publishing House.

Proverbs 16:23 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

23 The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth, and adds persuasiveness to his lips.

Acts 19:8 Updated American Standard Version (UASV)

8 And he entered the synagogue and for three months spoke boldly, reasoning and persuading them about the kingdom of God.

[1] (א) A C (D) L W Θ Ψ f1, 33 Maj read: “if a son asks for bread, will he give him a stone? [if] a fish, will he instead give him a serpent?”

[2] D syrc,s (ita Marcion according to Tertullian) Clement reads “how it [the lily] neither spins nor weaves”

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THE EVANGELISM HANDBOOK: How All Christians Can Effectively Share God’s Word in Their Community, [SECOND EDITION]

…THE EVANGELISM HANDBOOK is a practical guide (for real-life application) in aiding all Christians in sharing biblical beliefs, the Good News of the kingdom, how to deal with Bible critics, overturning false beliefs, so as to make disciples, as commanded by Christ. Matthew 24:14; …

YOUR GUIDE FOR DEFENDING THE BIBLE: Self-Education of the Bible Made Easy [Third Edition]

The reader will receive eight small introductory books in this one publication. Andrews’ intention is to offer his reader several chapters on eight of the most critical subject areas of understanding and defending the Word of God. This will enable the reader to lay a solid foundation for …

THE CULTURE WAR: How the West Lost Its Greatness & Was Weakened From Within 

…The Culture War. How the West lost its greatness and was weakened from within outlines how the West lost its values, causing its current decline. It is a forceful attack on the extreme liberal, anti-religious ideology which since the1960’s has permeated the Western culture and …

EARLY CHRISTIANITY IN THE FIRST CENTURY Jesus’ Witnesses to the Ends of the Earth

EARLY CHRISTIANITY IN THE FIRST CENTURY will give its readers a thrilling account of first-century Christianity. When and how did they come to be called Christians? Who are all obligated to be Christian evangelists? In what way did Jesus set the example for our evangelism? What is the …

CRISIS OF FAITH Saving Those Who Doubt 

Inside of some Christians unbeknownst to their family, friends or congregation, they are screaming, “I doubt, I doubt, I have very grave doubts!” OURS is an age of doubt. Skepticism has become fashionable. We are urged to question everything: especially the existence of God and the …

INVESTIGATING JEHOVAH?S WITNESSES: Why 1914 Is Important to Jehovah?s Witnesses

The intention of this book is to investigate the biblical chronology behind Jehovah’s Witnesses most controversial doctrinal position that Jesus began to rule invisibly from heaven in October 1914. This biblical chronology of the Witnesses hinges upon their belief that the destruction of …

Translation and Textual Criticism

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO BIBLE TRANSLATION: Bible Translation Choices and Translation Principles [Second Edition] 

…THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO BIBLE TRANSLATION (CGBT) is for all individuals interested in how the Bible came down to us, as well as having an insight into the Bible translation process. CGBT is also for those who are interested in which translation(s) would be the most beneficial to use.

CHOOSING YOUR BIBLE: Bible Translation Differences

There are more than 150 different Bible translations in the English language alone. Some are what we call literal translations, which seeks to give the reader the exact English equivalent of what was written in the original language text, thus allowing the reader access to the actual Word …

THE TEXT OF THE NEW TESTAMENT: The Science and Art of Textual Criticism

…THE TEXT OF THE NEW TESTAMENT was copied and recopied by hand for 1,500 years. Regardless of those scribes who had worked very hard to be faithful in their copying, errors crept into the text. How can we be confident that what we have today is the Word of God? Wilkins and Andrews …

MISREPRESENTING JESUS: Debunking Bart D. Ehrman’s “Misquoting Jesus” [Third Edition]

Edward D. Andrews boldly answers the challenges Bart D. Ehrman alleges against the fully inerrant, Spirit-inspired, authoritative Word of God. By glimpsing into the life of Bart D. Ehrman and following along his course of academic studies, Andrews helps the reader to understand the …

Biblical Studies

HOW TO STUDY YOUR BIBLE: Rightly Handling the Word of God

A comprehensive book on HOW TO STUDY YOUR BIBLE by observing, interpreting, and applying, which will focus on the most basic Bible study tools, principles, and processes for moving from an in-depth reading of the Scriptures to application. What, though, if you have long felt that you are …

THE NEW TESTAMENT: Its Background, Setting & Content

…the author’s intended meaning to his original readers and how that meaning can then apply to us. Marshall gives you what you need for deeper and richer Bible study. Dr. Lee M. Fields writes, “‘Deep’ study is no guarantee that mature faith will result, but shallow study guarantees …

THE LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST: What Do You Know About Jesus? [Updated and Expanded] 

The life of Christ is an exhaustless theme. It reveals a character of greater massiveness than the hills, of a more serene beauty than the stars, of sweeter fragrance than the flowers, higher than the heavens in sublimity and deeper than the seas in mystery. As good Jean Paul has …

THE LIFE OF THE APOSTLE PAUL: The Apostle to the Nations [Updated and Expanded] 

Stalker’s Life of St. Paul became one of the most widely read and respected biographies of the Apostle to the Gentiles. As an insightful compendium on the life of Paul, this work is of particular interest to pastors and teachers who desire to add realism and vividness to their account of …

INTERPRETING THE BIBLE: Introduction to Biblical Hermeneutics

Delving into the basics of biblical interpretation, Edward D. Andrews has provided a complete hands-on guide to understanding what the author meant by the words that he used from the conservative grammatical-historical perspective. He teaches how to study the Bible on a deep, scholarly …

HOW TO INTERPRET THE BIBLE: An Introduction to Hermeneutics

…Linguistic and literary factors are analyzed so that the various genres of Scripture are examined for their true meaning. The importance of having sound principles of interpretation cannot be overstated as to ignore them will result in all manner of erroneous assumptions. Beville presents …

THE CHURCH COMMUNITY IN CONTEMPORARY CULTURE: Evangelism and Engagement with Postmodern People

Once upon a time, Postmodernism was a buzz word. It pronounced Modernism dead or at least in the throes of death. It was a wave that swept over Christendom, promising to wash away sterile, dogmatic and outmoded forms of church. But whatever happened to postmodernism? It was regarded …

DEVELOPING HEALTHY CHURCHES: A Case-Study in Revelation

…church. It offers an appointment with the Great Physician that no Christian can afford to ignore. Developing Healthy Churches: A Case-Study in Revelationbegins with a well-researched outline of the origins and development of the church health movement. With that background in mind the …

DYING TO KILL: A Christian Perspective on Euthanasia and Assisted Suicide

…liberties in a multi-cultural society that is becoming increasingly secular. This work provides an ethical framework in which euthanasia and assisted suicide can be evaluated. These issues are on the radar indicating a collision course with Christian values. It is time for Christians to be …

JOURNEY WITH JESUS THROUGH THE MESSAGE OF MARK

…Journey with Jesus through the Message of Mark is an insightful and engaging survey of Mark‘s Gospel, exploring each major section of the text along with key themes. It is a work that can be enjoyed by laypersons as well as pastors and teachers. Pastors will find the abundant use …

ANGELS & DEMONS The Bible Answers

What are angels & demons? Can angels help us? What does the Bible say about angels? What is the truth about angels? Can Angels affect your life? Who were the “sons of God” in Genesis 6:2? Who were the Nephilim in Genesis 6:2? Who is Michael the archangel? Can Satan the Devil control …

Bible Doctrines

WHERE ARE THE DEAD? Basic Bible Doctrines of the Christian Faith

What is the Bible’s viewpoint? Without delving into an endless stream of what man has said, Andrews looks at what the Bible says about death and the like. Why do we grow old and die? What happens at death? Is there life after death, or is this all there is? Do we have an immortal soul? …

IDENTIFYING THE ANTICHRIST: The Man of Lawlessness and the Mark of the Beast Revealed

Herein Andrews will give the reader exactly what the Bible offers on exposing who the Antichrist and the Man of Lawlessness are. If we look at the texts that refer to the antichrist and the man of lawlessness, we will have lines of evidence that will enable us to identify them. Why is it …

UNDERSTANDING THE CREATION ACCOUNT: Basic Bible Doctrines of the Christian Faith

Throughout the Scriptures, God is identified as the Creator. He is the One “who created the heavens (He is the God who formed the earth and made it, He established it.” [Isa 45:18] He is the One “who forms mountains and creates the wind” (Am 4:13) and is the One “who made the heaven and …

The SECOND COMING of CHRIST: Basic Bible Doctrines of the Christian Faith

The information herein is based on the disciples coming to Jesus privately, saying, “Tell us, (1) when will these things be, and (2) what will be the sign of your coming, and (3) of the end of the age?” (Matthew 24:3) What will end? When will the end come? What comes after the end? Who …

WHAT IS HELL? Basic Bible Doctrines of the Christian Faith

What Really Is Hell? What Kind of Place is Hell? What Really Happens at Death? What Did Jesus Teach About Hell? How Does Learning the Truth About Hell Affect You? Who Goes to Hell? What Is Hell? Is It a Place of Eternal Torment? Does God Punish People in Hellfire? Do the Wicked Suffer in …

MIRACLES – DO THEY STILL HAPPEN TODAY? God Miraculously Saving People’s Lives, Apparitions, Speaking In Tongues, Faith Healing 

Miracles were certainly a part of certain periods in Bible times. What about today? Are miracles still taking place. There are some very important subjects that surround this area of discussion that are often misunderstood. Andrews will answer such questions as does God step in and solve …

HOMOSEXUALITY – The BIBLE and the CHRISTIAN: Basic Bible Doctrines of the Christian Faith

Today there are many questions about homosexuality as it relates to the Bible and Christians. What does the Bible say about homosexuality? Does genetics, environment, or traumatic life experiences justify homosexuality? What is God’s will for people with same-sex attractions? Does the …

Christian Fiction

THE DIARY OF JUDAS ISCARIOT: How to Keep Jesus at Arm’s Length

…desert but none of such significance as a handful of scrolls retrieved from a buried Roman satchel (presumed stolen) at this site. The discovery has since come to be known as ‘The Diary of Judas Iscariot.’ In The Diary of JudasIscariot Owen Batstone relates the observations and feelings …

THE SECRET HIDEAWAY ON BRIDGETON HILL

Rachael Garrison knows all the shrewd ways to successfully close multi-million-dollar real estate deals with her father’s famous New York real estate enterprise. But beyond her savvy to rake in huge deals is her premonition that an impending global takeover of the world’s financial wealth is on the horizon by evil leaders of The Great Ten Nations. From New York City to the Irish Hills of Michigan, and into the streets of Detroit her life takes on enormous purpose as

THE RAPTURE: God’s Unwelcomed Wrath

Kevin Trill struggles with the notion that he may have missed the Rapture. With nothing but the clothes on his back and a solid gold pocket watch, he sets off towards Garbor, a safe haven for those who haven’t yet taken the mark of thebeast. While on his way to Garbor, he meets up …

SEEKERS AND DECEIVERS: Which One are You? It Is Time to Join the Fight!

There grew an element in the valley that did not want to be ruled by the Light of the Word. Over time, they convinced the people to reject it. As they started to reject this Light, the valley grew dim and the fog rolled in. The people craved the darkness rather than the Light because they were evil. They did not want to  …

The Shadow Flames of Uluru: Book ONE in the CHAOS DOWN UNDER 

When an ancestor saddles them with the responsibility to purge Australia of a demon threatening to wipe our humanity with black flames, fraternal siblings Amber and Michael Hauksby lay their lives on the line. As the world crumbles around them into chaos, and ancient marsupials wreak havoc in their hometown, they must journey into …

WRITE PLACE, RIGHT TIME: The Pre-Apocalyptic Misadventure of a Freelance Journalist 

“Write Place, Right Time” follows the pre-apocalyptic misadventures of freelance journalist Don Lamplighter. While on what he expects to be a routine Monday night trip to a village board meeting, Lamplighter’s good nature compels him to help a stranded vehicle. Little does he know that by saving one of the car’s occupants, he sets forth a chain of what to him seem to be unrelated events where he must use his physical and social skills to save himself and others from precarious situations.

THE GREAT TEACHER: Jesus Taught with Irrefutable Logic Many Bible scholars seldom speak of Jesus' perfect mind. Jesus was a master at reasoning logically with the common people or the highly educated Jewish religious leaders.