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imnotoverlyobsessive · 4 years ago

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Looks Like Someone Picked a Whole Bushel of Oopsie Daisies: Chapter Three

Okaaaay I am so fucking sorry it's been awhile, you guys. But you're not here for my life story and personal bullshit, I'm sure (though please do feel free to ask). So here's chapter three. Enjoy... I hope?

Thank you, as always, to @edward-or-ford for being an excellent beta!

Chapter Three: Sex on the Brain Feel you under my skin; middle of the night, wonder if you feel it, too.- All Time Low, Trouble Is

There was a warm body atop Mabel’s, and lips pressed against hers. There were hands grasping her breasts, then one of them traveled down between her legs.

“Mabel,” gasped a voice as the lips traveled down her neck. A pleasant voice. Deep, but not alarmingly so. It was soothing, familiar. Comforting and arousing all at the same time.

One hand pinched her nipple while the other stroked her, and she gasped out quietly.

When she opened her eyes, Dipper leaned down to kiss her again, and-

Mabel woke with a start, disorientated. Her eyes flitted around the dark room, and she remembered she was at Candy’s. Recognizing Grenda’s sleeping form on the floor and Candy’s even breaths beside her, Mabel sighed quietly.

Well. That was certainly disappointing. Those types of dreams were the worst because she hated waking up from them.

She hadn’t always had so many sex dreams. It was a recent development. And frankly, she wasn’t a fan. Yeah, Dipper was sexy, but like. She knew that already. She didn’t need her subconscious waving a big ol’ flag with “REMEMBER HOW SEXY YOUR BRO IS?” emblazoned on it. She could do without that, thanks ever so much.

It was half an hour before she managed to fall back asleep. She definitely didn’t fill her friends in on the details the next day, even though she probably would’ve if the dream had been about literally anybody except her twin brother.

She was quite sure that when Grenda and Candy thought of “sexy” vibes in relation to Mabel, Dipper was the last person on the face of the earth who might be considered for such things.

————

The following morning, Mabel tried her absolute hardest to seem as normal as she possibly could. Y’know, talk without changes in her voice or tone or speech pattern. Gesticulate some but not too much. Talk about non-Dipper things. Definitely not because Mabel was having a great deal of difficulty thinking about anything but Dipper and what his lips and hands and teeth (oh god his teeth) would feel like on various parts of her body. That had zero to do with it.

Of course, normal for Mabel was… odd for other people, to say the least. And that suited her just fine. Really, it did. She rather liked it that way, actually. Normal people were kinda lame.

Still, there were, of course, some aspects of Mabel’s life that she sometimes wished were a bit more normal, she pondered as she brushed her hair in the bathroom mirror. Not entirely, just a bit. She wished she didn’t have to live separately from her sibling. She wished she’d found her soulmate the same way as everyone else rather than having it be a big mystery.

But most all, she wished she’d never developed these stupid feelings for Dipper. They really were stupid. Who gets feelings for their twin, anyway? Like, where did that even come from?

When Mabel thinks of the word “incest”, she pictures royal families trying to keep the bloodlines pure and stereotypical hillbillies and rednecks. What she did not picture was a modern day middle class Californian teenager.

Not that it had gotten to incest levels, of course. Obviously not. In order for anything to happen, Dipper would have to return her feelings, which he decidedly did not. Why would he?

You’re the weirdo, she reminded herself as she set her hairbrush down.

Well. It is what it is, she supposed. No reason to dwell on it.

And on that note, Mabel skipped out of the bathroom, doing a rather excellent job of pretending she was definitely not dwelling on her romantic-but-very-much-unrequited love for her brother.

Not even a little.

————

They didn’t ride in the same car. Of course they didn’t. They never did. She knew, intellectually speaking, that her and Dipper couldn’t be in the same car for the half hour drive from Candy’s to the mountains. Even five minute drives, though, her parents refused.

“What if you get stuck in traffic?” They’d demand whenever she asked if just once, Dipper could take her in his car. It didn’t seem to make a difference that the odds of a traffic jam in a town as small as Gravity Falls were minuscule at best. Eventually, she stopped asking, stopped trying to reason with them.

She wished she could text him during the drive. She couldn’t stop staring at his last message. She didn’t mean to, it was just that she sometimes got into these moods where whenever she stopped looking at his texts, she’d immediately get the irresistible urge to look at them again, even if she knew full well that all she’d see was the fifteen minute old see you in a bit.

Mabel felt bad about the whole thing sometimes. It wasn’t that she’d meant to fall in love. She truly hadn’t. But… Dipper was just so goddamn sweet. He was considerate and kind and he always asked about her day. And when she told him, he actually listened! None of the guys at her school ever did that. They just stared at her boobs while she talked.

It was suuuuuuuper guilt-inducing, though. Like, somewhere near her (it had to be near her or she’d have been going through withdrawal symptoms all her life) was her soulmate. Emotionally healthy people developed crushes on their soulmates even before they turned seventeen and felt the pull.

Evidently, Mabel wasn’t an emotionally healthy person. She’d developed a crush on her twin brother. And then it had developed into this suffocating, desperate, agonizing, all-encompassing consuming love and adoration that she just couldn’t seem to shake.

It was hard not to see him, she mused as she stared at her phone (still black because he hadn’t texted her, obviously; get a grip, Mabel). But then, it was just as hard to actually see him. The urge to touch him was even worse lately.

Sighing and leaning back in her seat, Mabel stared out the window.

She completely missed her father’s solemn gaze flickering to her briefly in the rear view mirror.

————

Mabel liked visiting Gravity Falls in the winter. She probably wouldn’t get to see snow otherwise. It was beautiful.

It had snowed in the mountains the night before, and there was frost on the ground and snow on the tops of the trees, the sun bouncing off them and making them shine. The cold air bit her face when she opened the car door, but Dipper’s smile in her direction as he stepped out of his own beat-up sedan made her forget about everything else.

Buzz buzz buzz, said the bees.

Mabel resisted the urge to dance when she saw him.

Or slap her stomach a few times. Maybe the sting of it would numb the stupid fucking bees and their stupid fucking buzzing, for god’s sake, would you shut up already-

She did neither, however (good job, Mabel girl!), instead opting for a definitely-not-nervous-in-the-slightest-so-just-shut-your-mouth smile.

“Why hello, Sir Dippingsauce!” She ambled over to him, telling herself she was doing an excellent job of not being awkward.

How long did she have to keep that up for again? A week? That was… that was fine. She could do a week. She could totally do a week, no problemo (Note: Mabel could not do a week. She could possibly do 2.5 days, and even that was most certainly pushing it, but to suggest as much is incredibly rude, as Mabel was doing her very best to make her mind into a 100% Doubt-Free Zone™).

He put an arm across his stomach, the other rigid at his side, and bowed deeply at the waist with a decidedly snooty expression on his too-attractive-to-be-legal face. “Lady Mabelton,” he greeted. “I trust your carriage ride was pleasant?”

“Indeed, milord. You may rise,” she lifted her hand in a dainty gesture, her nose (which was red from the cold) in the air. He did, grinning. “So, what d’you have planned for me n’ the ‘rents today?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Just a fun little nature walk, I guess. Nothing crazy.”

Mabel shot him double finger guns. “Coolio, bro-lio.”

Their parents were just climbing out of the car. They always took forever. Why did people over the age of twenty-eight always take forever to emerge from a vehicle?

Mabel fiddled with the empty space her right forefinger left in gloves she wore. Gloves were always too big for her as far as finger-length went.

“Soooooo…” she drawled as her parents rounded their car. “Lesgo!”

Running off in a totally random direction, she skidded to a halt at the edge of a clearing. “Yeeeah… might wanna let me lead the way, Mabes. I know my way around pretty well, since I... y’know... live here,” Dipper said with another one of those heart-stopping grins.

Ugh.

Suddenly feeling tremendously uncomfortable again, Mabel laughed awkwardly. “Indeed you do, bro-bro. Indeed you do.” Chill chill chill it’s fine, it’s fine, totally fine up in here.

Dipper walked around Mabel and started down a winding gravel path, definitely neglecting to give her anything that could remotely be classified as “enough space to not have a heart attack”. She followed behind him after several seconds, trying very hard not to stare at his butt.

Again. Dammit.

Mrs. Pines even scolded him a bit. “Careful not touch your sister, Dipper!”

Her voice carried through the trees, and Dipper called out a quick, “kay,” over his shoulder before continuing on. It had been perhaps five minutes. Ten, maybe? Who knew? Time lost meaning when she stared at Dipper too long, and he was walking directly ahead of her. Besides, she had to pay attention to where he was going! She couldn’t really be blamed for staring at him, right?

The path widened significantly after awhile, allowing Dipper to fall back a bit, frosted gravel crunching beneath his sneakers.

“Is it okay if we walk ahead of you, Dipper?” Mr. Pines asked. “Your mother and I would like to look at the scenery a bit more clearly than we can behind you and your sister.”

Dipper nodded. “Yeah, it’s pretty straightforward from here.”

Mr. and Mrs. Pines smiled at him and stepped around him, Mr. Pines patting Dipper’s shoulder affectionately as he walked past.

Dipper fell into step beside Mabel, walking in silence. Mabel inspected her shoes. Some of the frost had gotten on the rhinestones she’d glued to them.

Glancing up in front of her after several minutes, she noticed that their parents had gotten further and further away, far out of earshot.

For the first time in as long as Mabel could remember, they didn’t seem to be paying too much attention to her and Dipper’s interactions.

Blushing furiously at the very idea of being alone with her twin, she looked down at her shoes again. Thank god for the cold. Nobody would question her red face in the cold.

“So,” Dipper said haltingly. Mabel’s head whipped up to face him, her eyes wide. She hadn’t really been expecting him to actually speak, but then she couldn’t very well have not expected it, either. It had just… never occurred to her that he might.

“So?” Mabel said back. Don’t be awkward don’t be awkward don’t be awkward-

“Well, there’s this… thing.”

“Very specific,” Mabel nodded indulgently. “Say no more, brother dear. I know of what you speak.”

His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. “Y-you do?” He stuttered.

Mabel snorted. “Uh, no. Doi. Why would I know?”

He blinked at her. “Oh. Right. Yeah. Guess you… probably wouldn’t, huh?” He looked away and muttered something under his breath that she couldn’t quite catch.

“What was that?” She asked, pushing her hair back behind the ear closest to him, some of the strands catching on her glove.

“Oh, uh. Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Mm...kay?” When he didn’t say anything, just kept staring at her, she spoke up again. “What were you gonna tell me?”

“Oh! Right. Yeah. That. Right.”

“Right. That,” Mabel agreed with a nod, as if she had the slightest idea what he was talking about (note: she did not, in fact, have the slightest idea what he was talking about).

“So, there’s this thing,” Dipper said again.

“Right,” Mabel repeated.

“This thing… that I’ve been kinda meaning to tell you for… well,” he laughed hoarsely. She’d never heard him laugh like that before. “For a few years, actually.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Errhm. Okay. What is it?”

“Okay, so it’s like this,” he started, then stopped and looked up at the sky. “Why me?” He muttered, so quiet she almost didn’t hear him again.

“Okay, Dip, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

He sighed and stopped walking. So did she. His eyes were closed, which was probably a good thing because they really were terribly distracting and whatever he had to tell her seemed pretty important. He turned his face to her again, opening them, something… different in them. Something she’d never seen before. Something she didn’t recognize.

Something urgent and terrifying and nerve-wracking in a way she didn’t entirely understand, and then-

“Kids!” Her dad called out, both parents jogging over to them. Well, okay, it was more like running. Why would they be running? They hadn’t been that far behind, yeesh.

“Shit,” Dipper muttered again, and Mabel turned to him in surprise. He’d tried to talk to her before, too. Before she’d left for Candy’s. Why? What was going on? Was he sick? If he was sick, why couldn’t he tell their parents? Oh god, what if he’d gotten an STD? What if he’d gotten somebody pregnant? No, wait, pregnancy didn’t last “a few years”, which he had said very clearly, so not that. Oh, fuckity fucking fuck, what if he’d found his soulmate?

“What’re you guys talkin’ about?” Their mom asked with a smile that was a bit too tight and didn’t reach her eyes.

Dipper shrugged. “School and whatnot. Just catching up.”

Mabel didn’t understand why he was lying, but, well. Mabel Pines ain’t no snitch, so she nodded and said, “yeppers yeppers Johnny Deppers! The usual, y’know.”

Mr. Pines inclined his head. Mrs. Pines was clasping his hand.

Her knuckles were white.

Their parents didn’t let their children out of their sight for the remainder of the hike.

Mabel could barely speak. She couldn’t even think much of anything.

What if he’d found his soulmate?

The bees never shut up, either.

#gravity falls fanfiction #gf fanfiction #pinecest #mabel pines #dipper pines #fanfiction #fanfic #looks like someone picked a whole bushel of oopsie daisies #my writing

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ficsandcatsandficsandcats · 5 years ago

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Would you mind doing a fluffy smut with Jaskier? If... that's a thing? 😂 I just know that for the most part, I find myself super awkward at being "sexy" so I always end up getting embarrassed and laughing at myself, or I dont know what to do and just kinda laugh it off, and honestly Jask seems like the perfect person to match the awkwardness 🥰 So maybe a somewhat inexperienced reader is trying really darn hard but is just a little bad at it? 😜

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 1,330Rating: MTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle a/n: Flut (Fluff Smut) is a valid genre and I hope you appreciate my attempt at it today. Thank you!

You had decided to be S exy today.

Jaskier claimed you were always beautiful and adorable and sweet and wonderful but the one word he never used to describe you was sexy. You couldn’t blame him, really. You weren’t the sort of person who oozed sensuality and confidence like some gorgeous mages you could mention. You were secure in your talents and abilities, in and out of the bedroom, but there was a sort of disconnect with sexiness as a concept. You recognized it when you saw it but you never quite saw it in yourself.

Today, though. Today you would be Sexy if it killed you and if it did kill you by gods your corpse would be sexy because you had cinched yourself into a corset situation and were fighting off the lightheaded feeling it caused as you reclined on the bed. You’d done your research and you knew that you had to ensnare all of the senses. Visually you had the corset. Audibly you’d use the husky, sexy voice you’d been practicing. For scent you’d tapped some perfume on your thighs and at your neck. He would feel your skin and, if all things went according to plan, you felt confident in the taste that he’d been pretty generous in complimenting in the past.

Jaskier walked into the room and gave you a warm smile, moving to put his lute down on the table. Not so much as a flicker towards the corset which stung but sometimes people didn’t notice right away, especially if they weren’t expecting it. You decided to instead work with the voice.

“Hello,” you rasped. He turned towards you, brows furrowed in concern.

“Are you getting a cold?” he asked. Your eyes widened in surprise and then you flopped back on the bed, an around thrown over your face as laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

“What is it?’ Jaskier asked, wanting to be in on the fun and flopping down next to you.

“I was trying to be sexy,” you admitted, shaking your head.

“What?” he laughed. You moved your arm and sighed heavily, still chuckling.

“Well you know I did some research-”

“About being sexy?”

“Yes.”

“Indeed?”

“Yes, shut up,” you giggled as he laughed harder at the thought of you sitting around piles of books with titles like SEDUCTIVE EYEBROWS and HAND STUFF on the spines, “I was trying to go about it in a sensory way.”

“A sensory way?”

“Stop repeating everything I say!”

“Stop repeating everything you say?”

You seized the pillow and thwapped him in the face with it, the downy feathers briefly muffling his laughter as you leaned up on one arm to try and explain.

“I was trying to attack you in all your senses.”

“That sounds violent.”

“But in a sexy way! Sexy violence!” you exclaimed.

“I think we’re supposed to have a safeword before we do any sexy violence,” he teased, snaking an arm around your waist to pull you in closer.

“ANYWAY, I put on this corset which you didn’t even notice and I tried to use a seductive voice and I put on perfume and I bet you didn’t notice that either,” you said.

“I do too notice!” he cried, “You smell like a lovely garden of… roses?”

“Peonies.”

“Lovely nonetheless!”

“Anyway none of it seemed to matter so I guess you are stuck with a partner who is many things but not devastatingly sexy,” you said. He shook his head at you

“Y/N, you’re very sexy. I don’t say it because it seems so obvious to me that you know!” he said.

“Jaskier last year for your birthday I tried to do that thing with honey everyone talks about and all I did was suffer the worst bee sting of my life,” you reminded him and he bit his lip to keep from laughing at the memory.

“Yes but you don’t have to do something to be sexy. Sexy looks different on many people. Geralt is sexy and so am I and we’re nothing alike,” he explained.

“Should I be worried about your long hunts with the sexy witcher?” you teased, giving him an amused little smirk as you quirked your eyebrow.

“Aha! See!” he said, pointing at your face suddenly, “That’s sexy. That little knowing look when you’re being funny and witty.”

“That was hardly a great show of wit,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ear sheepishly at the compliment. For all of your research you hadn’t actually looked up how to calmly accept being called sexy. It was easily the hardest part of the whole business. Jaskier’s hand ran up and down the length of your body, nimble fingers tracing the laces and silently working out how to undo them as he kept his eyes on yours.

“And it’s sexy when you correct me,” he said, planting a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth and against your jaw.

“I wasn’t correcting you,” you corrected.

“Ohhh do it again, louder,” he purred into your throat. You laughed and you felt him chuckle against your neck, moving his face back to look at you with those sparkling blue eyes lit with amusement and he kissed you again. Brief, featherlight kisses interrupted by giggling that gently wove into deeper, more probing kisses as you pressed against each other, the laces undone so quickly you were straining to breathe in on moment and the next you took a deep inhale, breaking the kiss to do so as he helped pull it all the way off. He palmed a breast and you sighed, arching into him as he took it in his mouth, the taut flesh sucked and stroked by his talented tongue, the crystal blue eyes looking up into your face to watch you react to his ministrations. You tangled one hand in his thick, chestnut hair and he made a low hum of approval that resonated against your chest as he moved back up to your mouth, planting kisses along your neck as he made his way to your lips. You gently pushed him down onto the bed and straddled him, your turn to work at his laces as he continued to kiss at any bit of flesh that presented itself to him from the side of your breast to your stomach and even your hand as you playfully tried to push him back so you could focus on undressing him.

You fell into a fluid, familiar dance as you freed him, stroking the hard length just long enough to watch him become a gasping, breathless mess beneath you before guiding him inside, a sense of completion as he filled you. You rocked slowly, unhurried and happy to take your time enjoying each other’s bodies. Jaskier threaded his fingers through yours, clasping your hand palm to palm as he thrust up into you, enjoying the way your body undulated and bounced and moved against him and the visceral truth of your flesh pressed against his.

“Mine,” he sighed.

“Mine,” you echoed, grinding against him, brushing him against the deepest part of you.

“My witty, wonderful, devastatingly sexy Y/N,” he said, a twinkle in his eye. You shook your head and laughed, the jolting of your body’s mirthful shaking doing wonderful things to you inside and out, and leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips.

“My complex, confident, masterfully talented Jaskier,” you said, your strokes moving to the pace he set as he gripped your thighs tighter and hoisted you up a bit to thrust into you a bit quicker, your breath catching in your throat and his rasping against your chest as he did.

“I’m not that complex,” he gasped, “I’m a simple man, really. With simple needs.”

You laughed, a sound that broke into a gasping moan as he pushed you over the edge, the ripples of your climax blending into his as he shortly followed, kissing you the whole way down.

#Anonymous #jaskier x reader #jaskier smut #jaskier fluff #jaskier imagines #reader request

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ayma-nidiot · 4 years ago

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“Don’t Speak Their Names” - Shrimpshipping fic Chapter 11

This chapter on AO3 can be found here.

Chapter 11 - Strengthening My Deck

~29 July 2005~

“Phew…” Rex could finally walk on his own again after nearly two months of hospitalization. While holding Weevil’s hand, he now walked out of the hospital, greeted by the sunlight. “It feels nice to have not thrown up once this week.”

“I can’t even imagine.” Weevil frowned.

Rex caressed his now-very-obvious baby bump. “You’ve caused me a lot of trouble, you know that? When you grow up, you better be grateful.” Despite what he said, the presence of this new occupant in his body calmed him, and he spoke with a smile.

“So, Rex… How are you feeling?” Weevil placed a hand on Rex’s forehead; he felt a little hot, but not as much as he did a couple of months back.

“Great! Except…” Rex had felt a slow ache in his chest on his entire walk out of the hospital; he now had man boobs, and hadn’t noticed them until just now. “This whole pregnancy thing is still so surreal. It’s hard to imagine that five months from now, I’ll be breastfeeding our child.”

Weevil enjoyed the time they had together, smiling at Rex’s baby bump while the bug duelist stroked it. Then he broke the silence with, “Now that you’re out, what do you want to do?”

“Duel, what else?”

“No. Absolutely not.” Weevil held up a hand to slap Rex, and barely held it back. “You’re going to study for your college entrance exams so we can go to the same college together. And I don’t want you to risk a miscarriage.”

“But Weeves, I studied like the trooper I am, even while I was in the hospital!” Rex flexed his arms. “You did see, didn’t you?”

“But… Considering how you barely graduated-”

“Weeves.” Rex placed both hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders. “I am going to die of boredom if I don’t duel every now and then.”

“Well, good luck trying to find someone who wants to duel you, because it certainly won’t be me.” Weevil put his foot down.

“Humph. Some fun you are, bug boy.”

“Did someone say ‘duel?’” spoke a man’s voice from the hospital entrance.

“Waaaah!” Rex nearly doubled over. “Don’t scare me like that, you turd- Wait, I remember you. You’re that creep that was spying on me from my hospital room two months ago.”

The mystery man completely ignored Rex and revealed his Duel Disk. “If you’re looking for a challenger, you’ve got one.”

Then, just like that, Rex had put aside how this man weirded him out, and readied his own Duel Disk. “It’s a good thing that Weeves and I were strengthening our decks when I was hospitalized, or else I probably wouldn’t have this on me.”

“Are you out of your damned mind, Rex?” Weevil tried to stop his boyfriend, and might have been able to, had Amber not appeared out of the blue.

“No, I think he’ll be fine,” Amber spoke with her own Duel Disk at the ready. “While the pain inflicted by direct attacks feels real and immense, keep in mind that it’s all illusion. It shouldn’t pose a threat to him.”

“Who asked you? ” Weevil snarled. “And anyway, where the hell were you these past two months?”

“...Strengthening my deck,” Amber replied tersely.

“Aaaargh!” Weevil angrily activated his Duel Disk. “You know what, dino brain, go ahead. Duel if you want. But I’m tag teaming with you to make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

“So, I guess that means I’m tag teaming with this pretty lady here?” asked the mystery man.

“Can it, you toad.” Amber then looked to her opponents. “Duel standby!”

“Ladies first,” Weevil said to Amber.

“Don’t underestimate me, bug boy. I set a monster and another card, then end my turn.”

Weevil drew his first card. “I summon Armored Bee in attack mode, and set a card!”

“What, that’s it?” asked the mystery man. “Too bad, because I set this pretty cool trap. Then I summon two Gilasaurus and a Jurrac Velo in attack mode.”

“Whoa!” Rex exclaimed. “Another dino duelist! Well, I’ll show you that I’m the best dino duelist in this city!”

“So draw your card then, dino brain.” Weevil rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, whatever. I summon Giant Rex in attack mode, play the spell Jurassic World, then set a card. Go ahead, hot stuff.”

“Oh, I’ll show you who’s hot stuff…” Amber grumbled. “I activate my spell card Eradicating Aerosol! That gets rid of all insects on the field, which includes my set monster, Pinch Hopper!”

“I’m still better at using insects than you, punk,” Weevil snarled as he was now open to a direct attack.

“Really? Then how do you plan to stop this? Thanks to Pinch Hopper’s effect, I can Special Summon any insect from my hand… Say hello to the gorgeous, magnificent Insect Princess!”

“‘Insect Princess?’” Weevil had never heard of this card before, but it certainly looked familiar. “Huh. Well, I’ve got the Queen, and once I can summon her, your Princess will be done for!”

“Is that what you think? Insect Princess! Prove this worm boy wrong!”

“Hehehe, she’s going to have to wait! I activate Enemy Controller to force your Insect Princess into defense mode!”

“Heh, nothing I can’t handle. I set a card, then end my turn.”

Okay! Weevil smirked when he drew his Metamorphosed Insect Queen. The only other two cards in his hand, however, were Naturia Butterfly and another Armored Bee. All I need is Pinch Hopper, and I can summon my Queen! I should probably do something about those monsters the weird man has… “I activate Armored Bee’s special ability to cut the attack of one of the Gilasaurus in half! Now, Armored Bee, give that Gilasaurus a good sting!”

“Oof…” The mystery man took 900 points of damage. “Not bad, not bad… But my other Gilasaurus is still fine! I use it to attack your Armored Bee!”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Rex cut in and revealed his face-down card. “My trap Dimensional Prison… well, traps your Gilasaurus in a dimensional prison!”

“Hahahaha…”

“What, was my joke actually that funny?”

“Yeah. Believe that if you want to. Jurrac Velo, stomp that Bee!”

Crap… Weevil gulped. I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting Rex, and yet I’m open to attack. Again.

Rex drew Polymerization; he now only needed a Gilasaurus to summon Horned Saurus. That Jurrac Velo is going to be a problem… But my Giant Rex has the same attack. I think I should kamikaze it. “I summon another Giant Rex, and use one of them to destroy your Jurrac Velo!”

“Not the sharpest tool in the shed, are we?” the mystery man snickered. “When my Jurrac Velo is destroyed, I can Special Summon a Jurrac monster from my deck! And I chose Jurrac Gallim!”

“I’m sharper than you think! I have that card, and I know what it does!”

“Yup, you’re so sharp that you told your opponent what cards you have in your deck,” Weevil sighed.

“Shut up, bug boy! At least I have monsters to protect me!” Rex shot back.

“Uh… Do you guys always bicker like this?” Amber looked at her opponents cock-eyed.

“No!” Both young men replied simultaneously.

“This is going to break up the tea party… Insect Princess, attack Weevil directly!”

“Owwwww!” Weevil fell to his knees. ‘An illusion,’ my ass! ...Okay, I didn’t draw a Pinch Hopper, but at least I can stall for time with my Naturia Butterfly. “I summon Naturia Butterfly in defense-”

“Ohoho, I don’t think so,” Amber interrupted. “Thanks to Insect Princess’ special ability, your insect monster is forced into attack mode!”

“I… end my turn…”

“Yup, you’re boned.” Rex bit his lip. “A monster with 500 ATK isn’t going to help.”

“Shaddup! I can still activate my Butterfly’s special ability!”

“There they go again,” the mystery man laughed. “I play Double Summon so that I can summon another Gilasaurus! Then I tribute it and my Jurrac Gallim to summon the king of my dinosaur deck… Jurrac Tyrannus!”

“Wow!!” Despite the tight spot both he and Weevil were in, Rex admired this enormous monster. “Where did you get it? I want it bad!”

“Maybe I’ll let you have it if you beat me. Emphasis on ‘maybe.’ Why don’t I show you just what it can do? Once per turn, I can tribute a dinosaur to my Tyrannus so he gains 500 attack points! And I tribute my last Gilasaurus! Prepare to say goodbye, Weevil!”

“S-So? I can still negate your attack with Naturia Butterfly!”

“But wait! There’s more! I activate my trap Survival Instinct! This allows me to banish any number of dinos from my Graveyard and gain 400 Life Points for each! Since I have five, that’s 2000 Life Points I gain! But my dinos won’t be banished for long. I shuffle them all back into my deck so I can summon the second strongest monster in my deck… Come on out, Overtex Qoatlus!”

“Oh no…” Even with Naturia Butterfly’s effect, Weevil knew that he was done for.

“Go, my dinos! Stomp that puny butterfly and wipe out the rest of Weevil’s Life Points!”

“Hah…” Weevil looked up at Rex from a kneeling position. “Sorry, hun, they got me.”

Amber cut in, “You know, Rex, there’s nothing in your deck that can stand up to a Jurrac Tyrannus. I’ll be a sweetheart and let you yield now, if you want.”

“Never! The runner-up at regionals doesn’t yield!” Rex would soon regret this decision, however, as during his next turn, he didn’t summon anything meaningful, and the mystery man’s mighty monsters stomped him flat. “Well, that… um… was quite the challenge.”

As soon as the duel ended, Weevil ran up to Rex, and touched his baby bump. “Rex! Are you okay?”

“Yeah…” Rex stretched a bit before fully standing up and approaching the mystery man. “I really would love to learn more about your playing style! Especially since I have never met another dinosaur duelist before! Dude, what’s your name?”

“The name’s Dr. Saurus. I’m actually a professor at Domino City University.”

“Hey, did you hear that, Weeves?” Rex turned to his boyfriend. “If I make it into your college, then I might have this guy as my teacher!”

“So now do you have incentive to study, dino brain?”

“You bet! But I also have to ask… Is there a special reason that the two of you wanted to duel us? And a tag duel, no less?”

“...” Amber stayed silent for a bit before she replied, “Dr. Saurus and I have always been big fans of yours ever since your glory days from regionals.”

“What? I didn’t know we still had fans!” Weevil exclaimed.

“That explains why you wanted to follow me around when we were still in high school.”

“Yup! Though I think Weevil is way smarter than you, which is why I chose to use an insect deck. I think it’s a sophisticated type that only the best of the best can appreciate.”

“Hahaha!” Weevil stuck his tongue out at Rex, who pouted in response.

“So now that we have a common bond through dueling, why don’t we go for a stroll?” Dr. Saurus proposed.

“Yes, please,” Rex answered as the four began their walk. “Dr. Saurus, please teach me all of your-”

The dino duelist stopped in his tracks when he noticed a whiff of what he thought was a Red-Eyes Black Dragon fly past.

“Rex? Is something the matter, hun?”

“No, I… Either my pregnancy is causing me to hallucinate, or someone’s Duel Disk visuals are malfunctioning.”

“I highly doubt it’s the latter.” Weevil took Rex’s hand into his own. “Come, let’s go.”

#yugioh #ygo #shrimpshipping #ryuhaga #mpreg

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thatspectacularpigeon · 5 years ago

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Title: Bees The time she left The bikini strap incident Ben and Jerry are the only people I respect Flour mishaps and other cooking adventures

Bees. 531 words.

Bees. Bees everywhere. I do mean everywhere. Why did we think this would be a good idea? Oh. Right. Because we are idiots. Anyways you are probably wondering what is happening, well, let me explain. It all started about three days ago when me and two of my friends were having a friendly chat. “Hey my dad owns a honey farm you guys should come over and we can get some fresh honey” My friend, Julia said. “Ooh sounds fun” My other friend, Jacob said excitedly. “Sure I guess it could be fun” I say giving them a nod. That was my first mistake.

Two days later we all were at Julia’s dad’s farm enjoying the fresh air and cool spring breeze. Julia was attempting to carry way too many jars in her arms which had to be a safety hazard. I rush over to her and take a few from her as Jacob follows close behind. We made it to the bee houses or whatever they are called and set down all are items. “Ok I’m going to start up the smoker so we can get the honey” Julia said as she picked up the smoker. While she was doing that me and Jacob wondered over towards the bee houses just wanting to take a look. That was mistake two. Don’t go near a bee house without a smoker.

And mistake three. Don’t wear flower perfume. Just don’t folk. Don’t do it. Anyways the bees apparently took once sniff of me and were all like ‘Flowers!!!’ and started to rush towards me. I instantly panicked and bolted away which in retrospect was probably not the best idea I had had but it didn’t matter. I was out of there and the bees were after me. Julia and Jacob watched as I bolted and also began to panic causing the bees to turn their sights onto them as well. It was just an all-around nightmare. I watched Jacob take off towards the house and quickly followed suit just wanting to get away from the bees.

And my last mistake. I wore flip flops. Usually this is fine as I am not running for my life. Today though. It was not fine as I tripped and face planted into the ground a swarm of bees now on me and I just froze. I think I read somewhere that if you freeze they won’t notice you. So I stayed still Julia and Jacob only now noticing the predicament I was in. They both looked at me in horror as I mouthed ‘help me’ to them. They just looked at me like I was crazy and that’s when it happened. The Sting. When I got stung I re panicked and took off running towards the house once again only causing more and more stings. Finally, I made it and slammed through the door into the house with Jacob slamming it behind me. Yeah. It was not a pleasant day but it did make one hell of a story!

The time she left. 649 words

I sat on my living room sofa lost within my own thoughts when a knock on the door pull me back into reality. “Come in” I yelled not pulling my eyes away from my own reflection in the black TV screen. I hear the door open and who I can only assume to be the pizza delivery man take a step in. “Just leave it on the counter. Your payment and tip are there as well” I say barely acknowledging the man. I heard shuffling and then a simple “Have a good day” before I heard the door click shut. I sighed looking back down at the photograph within my grasp. It showed a picture of my now ex-girlfriend and us sitting together eating cotton candy at the local fair. It made a small smile appear upon my face before being quickly removed.

After I forced myself to eat a couple of slices of pizza I went out for a walk. I lived in a small town mostly rural area not much around but it was peaceful. I walked down a mostly empty street as the sun began to set and the city light began to glow. I kept walking as though I was trying to go somewhere but I had no idea where. My thoughts trailed back to my girlfriend. God what an amazing woman she was. Long silky black hair and a smile that could light up a room. Spectacular hazel eyes and a laugh that could fill you with life. Beautiful dark skin and an amazing passion for the things she loved. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I missed her so much. All I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her and tell her I loved her one more time but no. I was a coward. And I had run away from her out of fear she would reject me. I couldn’t bare it so I left first. What a stupid stupid stupid person I am. That’s when I heard it. Someone calling my name.

I turn around and there she is, the love of my life, marching up to me looking pissed. “oh dear. Listen can we talk about this I’m really sor-“My sentence got cut of short by a swift punch to the face. My head whips to the side as I hear my nose crunch. “Ahhhg Fuck!” I yell as I bring my hand up to my nose. “HOW DARE YOU!” My ex-girlfriend yells. “HOW COULD YOU? I LOVED YOU AND YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS!” She yells as I bring my head back up to look at her. “I’m sorry” I say quietly. “You’re sorry? You’re sorry? Is that all you have to say for yourself? You left me with nothing more than a note! I…I…I… loved you! How could you just leave me” She said quieter but still in an angry tone. “I wasn’t thinking straight ok I tri” I start but she cuts me off “Oh hell no you weren’t thinking straight” She said “Was all of this a lie. All of the years we spent together a lie? Why would you leave like that? Why!?” I cut her off. “Because I’m a coward” I shout “Because I couldn’t see a reason why you would love me so I left before you could leave me” I said looking her in the eyes. “I’m sorry. Please. Maybe we could try again. Maybe we could still sav-“She cut me off again. “No” she said sharply and coldly “You should have thought about that before you left” She finished and turned around walking off.

That was the time she left me. The time that I was an idiot and lost the best thing in my life all because of my own fear and insecurities. I still miss her to this day. And I would do anything to have her back, but it doesn’t matter now. I fucked up. And I have to live with it. That was until today.

The bikini Strap incident. 134 words

“WHO THOUGHT A SINGLE STRIP OF FABRIC HOLDING TOGETHER THE ONLY THING COVERING MY CHEST WAS A GOOD IDEA” I yelled at my friend Sam who just burst into laughter. I glared at them holding up my now broken bikini as I waded in the water covering up my now exposed chest. “THROW ME A TOWEL FOR FUCKS SAKES SAM” I yelled while tossing the broken bikini up onto the land. Sam continued to laugh as they plucked a towel out of the bag and chucked it at you. You managed to wrap the now soaking towel around yourself and finally stepping out of the water. Sam is still laughing there ass of and I just shoot them a death glare before mumbling “god I hate you sometimes” Only causing Same to laugh louder

Ben and Jerry are the only people I respect. 287 words.

I sat on the couch feet up on the coffee table watching TV as I ate out of my tub of ice-cream. I could hear feet of who I could only assume was Shayne coming down the stairs. “good Morning” She said in her usual chirpy tone. “morning” I said my mouth half full of ice-cream. Shayne just gives me a confused look before going and making coffee.

Once her coffee was done she plopped down next to me on the sofa which caused me to grip my ice-cream closer to me. “Are you really eating a tub of ice-cream at 8 am.” Shayne said taking a sip of my coffee. “Actually I have been eating ice-cream since I woke up at 7 am” I said in a snarky tone. Shayne just chuckles at me. “Have a rough night?” She asks clearly trying to hold back laughter. I give her a side glare while eating a huge chunk of ice-cream. “my boss was a little bitch last night” I said in an annoyed tone. Shayne just broke out into laughter “So you’re just going to sit around and madly eat ice-cream?” She said giving me a playful stare. “Come on you must have a bit more respect for yourself than that?” She said taking another sip of coffee.

“Ben and Jerry are the only people I respect” I said taking another bite of ice-cream. Shayne burst into laughter spilling a tad bit of coffee onto the couch. “Yeah that sounds like something you would say” she says while wiping a tear from her eyes while continuing to laugh. “Oh fuck you” I say turning my attention back towards the TV continuing to eat my god damned ice-cream.

Flour mishaps and other cooking adventures. (I’m going to take a bit of inspiration from @midnight_spectrum_again) 253 words

“Are you kidding me?!?!” I yelled as I was now covered in flour. I had decided to reach for a bag of flour on the top shelf when my butter fingers kicked in and it hit me in the face and burst open all over me. I flail around trying to figure out what to do when I finally come to my senses and randomly slap my hands around the kitchen trying to find a towel. Once I finally found it I wiped my eyes off and opened them only to see the whole kitchen covered in flour. I just look around the kitchen and sigh “Really. REALLY!?! This is fine. This is fine. Absolutely fine.” I say face palming.

I was rushing around the kitchen trying to finish up my soup before the family gets. I suddenly remembered that I needed to season the soup so I quickly grabbed seasonings practically dumping them into the soup. I go back to the cutting board to finish cutting up the basil when I hear a sudden bang. I screamed ducking to the ground thinking a bomb went off until I finally looked up. The whole top of my stove caved in and the lid was no sticking out of the ceiling. I instantly panic trying to figure out what happened when I notice sitting where I put the seasonings down there was gun powder. I had somehow managed to put gun powder into my soup instead of seasoning causing the whole thing to blow.

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sergaku · 5 years ago

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Tales of Chloix Chapter 2: The First Kiss

Authors Note: I want you to know that the Tales of Chloix is not set in chronological order of the events that happen. They happen as I gain ideas for the story. It is only five chapters long so there are only 5 events. The wedding may have been first, but that is what I came up with first. What you are about to read now is the first time they discovered the feelings for each other as two 16-year-olds. Enjoy!

10 Years In the Past

Chloe Bourgeois was walking down the street, texting on her phone as her short companion was beside her. Alix was chewing some gum, her rollerblades thrown over her shoulder as she walked with Chloe. She couldn’t stop herself from glancing over at her every few moments. The way her blonde hair reflected the sunshine, giving it a heavenly glow. Her confident stance, how she didn’t take any bull from anyone. Sure Chloe was a bitch, but Alix kinda liked that about her. And hoped that she could help change her.

“Ugh, so where is this shoe store again? They better have those Gabriel brand shoes for that lower price like you said or I am so out of here!” Chloe snarked at Alix, causing the girl to flinch.

Truth be told, she had no idea if the shoes were there. She just saw a pair that looked expensive and had a cheap price. Her real plan was to woo this girl, hopefully, get a genuine hug out of the deal.

Chloe looked down at her, trying not to blush a bit as she looked in those dark blue eyes. She had no idea why Alix was different than her other classmates. She didn’t hate her as much and actually thought that they could be friends. If she wasn’t hanging out with that loser Kim. She just groaned to herself, not wanting to be caught staring. One thing that she did admire was that Alix was a free spirit. She didn’t care about what others thought and was very expressive. If she played her cards right she might have been in a trio with her and Sabrina.

They arrived at a small shop, it was a one-story building that looked cosy and had a light brown exterior. The only window to the shop was a single large window that had a door to the left side of the building. The logo was a giant shoe with the text, “Right Sole for You.” The two walked in the store, several people inside as it seemed fairly busy.

Alix sat down on a small bench, taking off her shoes and revealing her bumblebee socks underneath. She wiggled her little toes to stretch them out, letting out a breath. Chloe covered her mouth to hide her laugh.

“Wow, nice socks that you got there. What did your mom get them for you?” Chloe smiled her little evil smirk, looking at her as she had her hand on her hip.

“Actually, yes. I wanted them because my favourite superhero is bee-themed” She stuck out her tongue and ran her way down an aisle of shoes. She looked back, seeing the blushing face of Chloe as she tried to process what she just said.

Chloe covered her face, feeling how hot it was as a smile crept up her face. No one had told her before that she was a favourite. Except for her father, but she was also his only child. She hoped. She just shook her head and began to go around and inspect the shoes.

Most of the shoes were nothing special. Sure there were some ones that were cute, but she didn’t have outfits to match them though. She grabbed a pair of yellow flats, putting the box with her shoe size between her arms. She looked around only grabbing two more pairs of shoes. She grabbed some red heels to be about 4in and a pair of black stilettos.

She looked up and spotted a couple, two girls who were giggling to each other at the counter. Chloe just stared, looking down a bit as she felt envious. She had never been in a relationship herself. She was always jealous of couples who showed their affection to each other in public. It made her feel lonely.

“Wow, those two are so pretty,” Alix said as she sat down, a big smile plastered on her face. “You know that blonde girl looks like you but older.”

“What! No she doesn’t! She is like forty! I am way prettier than her.” She crossed her arms and turned away. “Whatever. I found some shoes and I am gonna try them on.” She began taking off her shoes, throwing her socks in them as she slipped on the red heels.

“What, you got something about calling girls pretty? Because that would be pretty sucky if you did.” Alix crossed her arms as she looked at Chloe, her fingers crossed that Chloe wasn’t actually one of those people who hated anyone who wasn’t as straight as a line.

“Why would I have a problem with two consenting females getting in a relationship with each other? What is this the 70s? Who cares what your sexuality is. Just be happy but don’t be a super creep about it.” She finally slipped her heel inside the tight shoe and smiled triumphantly.

A giant smile plastered on Alix’s face, her cheeks gaining a hint of pink at this response.

She stood taller, being about 6’ tall now as she walked around the bench, doing her best to not trip over herself. She straightened her jacket, looked down at the blushing Alix.

“Damn I look good in these shoes. I don’t know why I don’t wear heels more often.” She said with a giggle as she stood in front of Alix. The red-headed girl looked up, staring up at Chloe as she gulped visibly. “W-Why are you staring at me? Do you think that I look ridiculous?” She looked down, balling up her hands as she scoffed toward the ground.

“What! No I think that you look beautiful. You always look beautiful. No matter what you wear.” Alix darted her eyes away, rubbing the back of her neck gently as she began to tap her foot. She felt nervous all of a sudden. Chloe just showed a bit of vulnerability and it wasn’t something that anybody ever saw.

“You...you think that I am beautiful? The only person who has told me that is my father.” Chloe looked down, taking off the heels and sitting down next to Alix. She sat very close, to a point where their thighs were pushing against each other. “Why did you really take me out here? I know that this place wouldn’t be able to even afford to get Gabriel brand shoes.”

Alix flinched at these words, looking at Chloe who kept her eyes to the ground. The tension around her was tangible, and it was only going to get worse. She needed to say something that will bring Chloe back to her usual self. The one she...fell for…

“I-I brought you out here so I could spend some alone time with you. I have been watching you for a while now. I have been wanting to talk to you, do something with you but you were always with Sabrina or you had your own thing going on. I felt like..if I did tag along then I would just be some third wheel. So alone was the best shot I had at being with you.” She took a breath to let everything settle in. Then she thought about the last thing that she said. ‘Crap I didn’t mean it like that. Well I did but she doesn’t know that. I better fix what I said before she gets the wrong idea.

“What I meant was-”

“A shot at being with me? A shot at being with me, Chloe Bourgeois?” She just chuckled and held her sides.

Alix looked away, closing her eyes tight as she felt tears sting the corners of her eyes. ‘I am such an idiot! Why would I say that! Of course she doesn’t like me! I never had a chance in hell to be with someone as amazing as her!’

“No one has had a shot at me. The only person who tried to shoot their shot was Kim. But he is...Kim. Not someone I could see myself dating. Though…” She lifted the head of Alix, who opened her eyes with a look surprise in them.

“You probably think I am going to be dumb for saying this. But I have watched you too. That day you became Timetagger was kinda horrible for me. I never wanted to see you Akumatised and it was my fault. But you never blamed me. And I just wanna say.” She let out a shaky breath, grabbing Alix’s face and kissing her cheek. She quickly let go of her, turning away as her face was beet red.

Alix held her cheek and tried to process everything that was just told to her. Was this really happening? And if it was she did not want this to be over. She quickly grabbed Chloe, pulling her toward her and kissed her lips. She closed her eyes, not caring about what anybody might say about this PDA. She was kissing her crush right now and she was so happy.

Chloe just went wide-eyed, looking at Alix. She didn’t take long to recover though, as she threw her arms around the short girl’s shoulders. She melted into the kiss, pulling her in close. After about a minute of embracing each other’s lips, they pulled apart, both panting and pressing their foreheads together.

“We have a lot to talk about don’t we Chloe?”

“Yes. Yes we do.”

___________________________________________

The older couple left the store, the blond girl wearing a dark blue jacket with a white undershirt clenched her fists. She wore black pants with ankle-high brown boots. Her hair was let loose and hung to her lower back. She was grumbling to her self, shaking her fists in anger as she walked.

Her companion, a redhead who had her short hair tips dyed black chuckled at her wife’s flustered state. She had a yellow sweatshirt on, blue jeans and a pair of black converse style shoes. Her hands were in her sweatshirt pocket as she shook her head.

“Can you believe the nerve of that nappy-headed little twat? Calling me forty! I am only 15 years older than her. If she was only two years older I would have kicked her ass for sure.” She sighed and dropped her hands to her sides.

“Well besides that, did you like your anniversary gift my dear?” The redhead wrapped her arm around the blonde’s shoulder, kissing her jawline as she gave a coy smile.

“Yeah I did. It was nice to see our first kiss happen all over again. Even if I was super rude to myself. Little brat.”

“Well hey, just goes to show, that if it not had been for us being in the past, I might not have had the courage to go and talk to you on that bench and kiss you.

“Speaking of which, how does that even work anyway? Not like you knew that it was you when you were 16.”

“If time travel has taught me anything, it is you do not question it and go with the flow. Happy 5th anniversary Chloe Kubdel.”

“Happy 5th Anniversary Alix Bourgeois.”

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous fanfic #ml fanfic #chloe bourgeois #alix kubdel #fluff #chloix #chapter 2 of 5 #first kiss #better clothing descriptions #ml fluff #future chloe bourgeois #future alix kubdel #future alix #future chloe #tales of chloix

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raendown · 6 years ago

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Commission for @cassieeeeanne.

Pairing: MinatoKakashi Word count: 4076 Rated: T+ Summary: A bit of planning, a magician on the street, and a Hokage who just doesn't know how to properly take advantage of a situation when it's handed to him.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

Flimflammery and Fun

Soy sauce dribbled on to his plate as Kakashi paused just before taking another bite of sushi, rolling his eyes instead. As much as he dearly loved his oldest friend, Minato could often be compared to the old phrase ‘like a dog with a bone’ when he got some sort of idea in to his head. He was even worse when that idea was to make fun of Kakashi for something.

Today’s easy target was poking fun at him for the apparent lack of fun in his life. Kakashi wrinkled his nose and decided he was going to steal Minato’s wallet to pay for their meal the next time they ate out. No way was he shelling out cash just to eat subpar sushi again while his best friend sat there and told him he was a boring old man. He knew fun, thank you very much, and that was not it.

“You’re older than I am,” he pointed out. Minato waved such a tired old insult to the side with ease.

“No one would ever guess that by your habits alone! You really need to loosen up a little or no one will ever want to come have fun with you – because you never go out and have any fun! Don’t be so serious all the time!” Minato leaned over to bump their shoulders together good naturedly and Kakashi considered dumping the rest of his soy sauce over the man’s perfectly golden head.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he murmured instead.

Not usually one to go through all the effort of seeking revenge upon someone, especially not for something as harmless as a bit of teasing between friends, Kakashi decided that he was in just the right mood to whip up a little bit of planning. One sidelong glance at the carefree way Minato was snickering in to a hand and Kakashi had to turn his head the other way to hide a smirk of his own since his mask had been pulled down for the two of them to eat their takeout.

Let the fun begin, he thought.

They finished their lunch without much of a further incident. Minato pretended not to notice his wallet disappearing only to reappear much lighter and tried to make up for his previous teasing by cleaning the dishes before he left. As much as Kakashi always enjoyed spending time with his most precious person, however, he already had a few ideas in his head that he wanted to start looking in to right away; it was galling to admit but it had indeed been too long since the last time he let loose against someone off the battlefield. Pulling a prank or two was a great way to remind everyone that he was more than a boring stick in the mud.

Okay so he really was mostly just a boring stick in the mud who preferred to stay home on weekends and enjoyed the company of his books over most people but he did know how to have fun sometimes. In his own way.

Usually at the expense of others but that was hardly the point.

He offered to walk Minato home, a little relieved when his offer was waved aside as unnecessary. On any other day he would have insisted on soaking up as much time with the man as possible and pretend that the possibilities he saw in every movement weren’t all just a figment of his own imagination. Today he had some people to see so that hopefully by the end of the next day he would have the pleasure of watching their Hokage eat his own words. First thing on the list was to visit an old friend.

When he woke up the next morning the first thing Kakashi did was roll over and went back to sleep of course. When he woke the second time he hopped out of bed and took a lazy shower before wandering over towards the administration tower at a leisurely pace. His stomach rumbled a few times but that was alright, a problem he could solve with someone else’s money.

The secretary made eyes at him as he walked past just like she always did and Kakashi pretended not to see, the usual routine, waving absently before he pushed his way in to the Hokage’s office without waiting to be invited. Minato didn’t even look up from the desk where he was staring with a blankly surprised expression at his empty inbox.

“Would you believe I’m all caught up on my paperwork?” he asked.

“No,” Kakashi with as straight a face as possible. “Someone probably bribed a few of the staff to do it for you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. No one would waste money on something like that.” Minato scoffed and finally looked up. The idea that no one here could forge his signature on official documents was, frankly, a joke. Everyone that worked in this building had a least some training as a shinobi. But the idea that anyone would spend their own hard earned coin on something that would benefit only the one who already had to do the paperwork? Now that was unbelievable. It was true, actually, but Minato didn’t need to know that.

Shrugging carelessly, Kakashi jerked his head back towards the door. “If you’re free, would you like to come get some lunch?”

Minato eyed him speculatively and then smiled.

“You just woke up, didn’t you?”

“And if I did?”

“Ah, to be a field operative again. I miss the lazy days between missions when I could wake up whenever I wanted. Don’t miss sleeping on the ground, though.”

“Maa, you’re just getting soft behind that desk.” Kakashi turned his eyes up in a smile to soften the blow. It didn’t work. Minato still rolled his eyes and made a rude gesture with one hand that he didn’t really mean.

The secretary made eyes again when they passed her – or at least Kakashi assumed she did since he was already wrapped up in having Minato’s attention and paying little mind to anyone else. Steering their journey in the direction he wanted them to go was as easy as pretending to get distracted and take a wrong turn once they entered the market streets. Minato followed along without really thinking about it, chattering away with his adorable sunshine smile on full display. Honestly if Kakashi looked at him for too long he was likely to get distracted for real and entirely mess up his own plans. Luckily he managed to keep his eyes to himself long enough for them to wander down a boulevard filled with little food stalls where Minato paused to watch a street performer make endless plants appear out of a little pot between his feet.

“I swear I only planted one!” the man cried out with mock despair, dressed like a travelling magician. “Where do they all keep coming from?” Around them the crowd laughed and Minato joined in with a quick chuckle.

“Don’t you wonder how they do these tricks?”

“Maa, I could do that,” Kakashi said. And it was true. With his Mangekyo Sharingan he could pull whatever he wanted out of a potted plant as long as he had time to make it disappear beforehand.

His friend huffed. “Could you do it without fainting from chakra use though?”

“For my next trick I need a volunteer from the audience!” the performer’s voice cut off his reply. “Would anyone here like to get hypnotized? What about you in the back there? You look skeptical, my friend!”

Kakashi shook his head and held up both hands like a defensive shield but it was no good against the combined efforts of a pushy performer and a good friend whose pout was too cute for the sanity of everyone around him. In only a couple minutes he was dragged up to the front of the crowd where he stood with both hands in his pockets and a bored expression on his face.

When he was instructed he made sure to keep as still as possible and look the magician in the eye, exuding all the calm he could, and when the tension drained gradually out of his shoulders that was when Minato began to perk up where he was still at the back of the crowd. There was none of the usual ridiculousness of ‘you are getting very sleepy’ but the sound of the man’s voice was quite soothing as he talked Kakashi in to what looked to be a deep trance.

The performer had him do a few simple tricks like touching his nose in a pattern and clucking like a chicken and then asked the crowd if anyone had come here with him today. Minato raised a hand hesitantly.

“Ah, come up, come up. Would you like to ask him to do anything?” The man grinned and Minato thought for a moment he looked familiar but the promised distraction of maybe forcing a little fun in to Kakashi’s life was too tempting to ignore for long. Having just watched the performance he knew how it worked so he gave it a try.

“I want you to do a silly dance,” he commanded and Kakashi immediately began swaying his hips back and forth while waving his arms in flowy wiggles.

“I want you to pretend you’re a bumble bee,” he said and Kakashi buzzed around before coming back to bump in to him backwards, pretending to sting him.

“I want you to do something unexpected,” he tried and Kakashi pressed up close to lay a big old kiss right on the bridge of his nose, complete with the smacking lips sound effect, all with a completely blank expression.

Now flushed to the roots of his hair, Minato very kindly mumbled that he was good with that.

“You’re sure?” the magician asked with a knowing twinkle. “How about this. I’ll give you the words that will snap him back to normal whenever you’re ready and you can use them when you feel is best. He’ll have the time of his life – and so will you!”

It was the promise that Kakashi would somehow enjoy the day in this state that convinced him. Surely it couldn’t hurt to just mull around for the hour he meant to use for his break and help his best friend cut loose for a while. And that was all he intended to do! This was, of course, all for Kakashi’s benefit, to help him come out of that shell he lived in constantly.

Well, whenever he wasn’t embroiled in another wild challenge with Gai.

Trying not to blush any harder as he led them away from the crowd, Minato set a course right away for somewhere they could have a little more privacy. As much as he would enjoy it if Kakashi was more social he also wanted to respect the man’s wishes and he knew very well that if they got up to anything too bad where people could see them he would never hear the end of it. The last thing he wanted to do was cause a fight between them.

Once he’d found a nice spot tucked away in a park that seemed to have no one else in it, well protected by walls of trees on all sides, he turned to the man trotting along at his side with a contemplative face.

“I want you to turn five cartwheels,” he said and as soon as Kakashi moved to do so he realized that was pretty lame. His friend probably used some form of cartwheeling in his taijutsu at least several times a week.

He waited until the task was done to give another.

“I want you to stand on your head and recite a piece of poetry.” That felt safe enough.

It was not. A few seconds later Kakashi was in a handstand reciting the most lurid poetry Minato had ever heard and he remembered that the only literature either of them ever consumed were the works of his own sensei, the great pervert himself. If he’d thought his blushing was bad in the marketplace it had nothing on the heat he was fanning off himself now while he waited impatiently for Kakashi to finish.

Obviously he should have seen that one coming so Minato chalked it up to his own mistake. Hypnotized or not the first thing that would come to mind for any sort of question about reading was obviously going to relate back to Icha Icha so he really had no one to blame for this blush other than himself. Kakashi returned to a standing position when his lewd recitation was over and turned to face Minato with the same blank face he’d been wearing since being hypnotized, the one visible eye drooping even more than usual.

“I want you to do your best impression of me,” Minato said and thought himself quite clever. If ever there was anything that could not go wrong it was asking for an impression of himself. He prided himself on never acting inappropriately and over the past year or so he’d been talking extra care not to give any wrong impressions.

No one needed to know his secrets but him.

Kakashi’s reaction to the command was immediate. The first thing he did was stand up straighter, properly showing off the height his usual slouch did a good job of hiding, and even with the mask covering his face it was easy to tell his face had lit up with a brilliant smile. His movements were fluid and confident as he stepped over to throw an arm around Minato’s shoulder and hold their bodies tightly together.

“You look tired, my friend. Are you sleeping well? You really need to stop staying up so late all the time, it’s not healthy for you! Oh don’t give me that look. You know I’m just looking out for you. Goodness, you’re so tense, here let me help with that.”

As he babbled on and on with friendly questions and life advice Minato wondered if he really sounded that pretentious all the time. He just wanted all of his loved ones to take care of themselves; he hadn’t meant to sound like he knew better than them about how to live their lives. Perhaps he should try to curb that habit in the future – although he’d never heard complaints from anyone but Kakashi. Well, and Naruto too but children were contractually obligated to complain about everything their parents did, that was right there in the paperwork.

More worrisome than the too-helpful babble was the touching. It felt like for every new sentence that started Kakashi was reaching out to touch a new part of him. Minato did his best not to squirm as a pale hand brushed against his shoulder, his bicep, his clavicle, his chest, and even the back of his head at one point.

“I want you to stop,” he panicked eventually. As soon as the words were out Kakashi’s touch was gone and he returned to a resting posture with no expression. Minato swallowed thickly and tried to think fast. “What would be fun for you that you might enjoy but would never do on your own? Oh! I want you to take off your mask and stick your tongue out at the rest of the village while no one can see you!”

With the park empty and shielded from outside eyes it was the perfect time for Kakashi to show his face to the world for probably the first time since he was a child. As instructed, the mask came down in a gradual slide that almost reminded him of a strip tease, which was clearly ridiculous. No hypnotized person would think to add any kind of strip tease to their movements. And then there it was, the face entire villages dreamed about but only he and a select few ever got to see.

A little pink tongue flashed out and then Kakashi went back to rest – without putting his mask back on. Minato wavered with indecision. Should he give the command to replace it? No one was here now but someone could show up any second and if he left Kakashi undefended the man would never forgive him.

“Pity,” he sighed eventually, leaning in to enjoy a rare close look at one of his favorite faces. “You’re so handsome, I wish I could see more of you.”

“What?”

“AH!”

Both of them jumped when he screamed and Minato clutched one hand to his breast to calm his suddenly racing heart. Kakashi blinked at him with wide eyes and an expression that was most definitely not flat and empty.

“You’re not hypnotized anymore!”

“No! I was never hypnotized!”

“Say what!?”

“It was just supposed to be a prank because you said I never have any fun anymore!”

Minato spluttered indignantly. “How did you- oh for heck’s sake, you knew the magician didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Kakashi snorted. “His name is Tenzou and he’s a member of ROOT, recruited by Danzo. I introduced you two years ago when you made me attend my own birthday party for once but he’s not really under your jurisdiction.”

After thinking for a moment Minato realized that he did know the man. Those massive eyes, the way they seemed to stare right through his very soul, it was a wonder he hadn’t remembered at first glance. Sometime soon he should really make another formal inspection of the ROOT organization just to make sure there was nothing being slipped past him under his nose.

But that was a task for another day. Right now the most important thing was that he had been entirely taken in by such a simple bit of foolery and that rubbed against his ego in the wrong way.

“You tricked me! This was all a big trick!” He puffed out his cheeks in the pout he’d noticed usually got him a little more sympathy from his friend. Not so much today, apparently, as his friend only huffed.

“Uh, yeah. That’s what I just said.” Kakashi shook his frown away and pointed an accusing finger. “Not the point! You said that you ‘want to see more of me’!”

“Oh yeah? Well you kissed me!”

This time it was Kakashi’s turn to splutter and string together senseless half words as he tried and failed to make a rebuttal. Obviously he was regretting the momentary slip in control when he allowed his surprise to show. At least, Minato thought with some chagrin, they were both blushing now. His own face was still much darker by a long shot but he decided that Kakashi was cheating anyway with his thin veins and naturally light blush.

“What would it take to convince you that never happened?” Kakashi asked, nervously fisting both hands in his pockets.

“A lot? It happened and I’m sure of that, although I’m not sure why you did it.”

“You said to do something unexpected!”

Minato wrinkled his nose and resisted the urge to rub at the bridge where he had received such a cute, precious smooch. “I suppose you’ve got me there; I never would have expected you to kiss me.” Bringing his hand down, he smiled and murmured without thinking, “It was nice.”

“It…it was what now?” The shock on his companion’s face was what clued Minato in to what he’d just said, body going stiff as his brain finally caught up to the secret he’d just let slip.

“What!? Nothing! I didn’t say anything! Hey that was a great prank you pulled on me, ha ha ha! Let’s do the same thing to Naruto! I bet he’d fall for it!” The laughter he forced out could not have sounded more false if he tried. Minato knew it was only his imagination but he almost thought he could hear the echoes of such a terrible laugh bouncing back to him in the empty park.

Kakashi gave him a very long look without saying anything, long enough that he began to think terrible thoughts of lost friendships and the awkwardness of any future conversations.

Then there were fingers sliding in to his hair and he found himself pulled bodily against the other man in a tight hug – definitely not the reaction he was anticipating. Worry slipped away to become bemusement as he blinked over Kakashi’s shoulders at the trees around them and tried to piece together how he had ended up here. Luckily for him he was a man accustomed to hugging certain people on a daily basis so his hands lifted to return the gesture on sheer muscle memory alone, leaving the two of them standing out in the open woven together, clinging to one another like the world would end if either let go.

“Let me just say,” Kakashi mumbled beside his ear, “that if I have misinterpreted this I am going to bury my head in the sand and never speak to you again.” Minato couldn’t help it; he laughed.

“No, no. I’m pretty sure you got my meaning. But if I’m not mistaken you, ah, share my meaning?”

“Gods above, could you be any more awkward?”

“Don’t laugh at me!” Minato cried.

Chuckling, Kakashi pulled away so they could look each other in the eye. With his entire face exposed, the expressiveness of his one eye was amplified by a hundred to create a look so soft Minato worried he might actually swoon in the man’s arms.

“Well if I can’t laugh at you then perhaps I could kiss you?” Kakashi suggested with a casual air.

“Sure? I mean, of course! Yes! But only if you want to? I would hate to think you were doing it just because you think I want it – and I do! But–”

“Oh for love of fire.”

Rolling his eyes as ostentatiously as possible, Kakashi tilted his head and went in for that kiss. Minato wasn’t sure if he was more grateful for that or for the fact that it stopped the flow of word vomit but either way he was immediately entranced and drifting away on his own little happy cloud. If he tried to count all the times he had imagined what this moment would be like the number he came to would surely be embarrassing and yet none of those times were anywhere close to reality.

Kakashi’s lips were chapped and dry from not wearing any balm behind the mask and neither of them immediately pulled away for any florid love confessions but it was still perfect because it was happening, it was real, and Minato knew he was going to spend the next few weeks reliving this moment at least once a day. He wasn’t at all ready for it to end when he felt Kakashi breaking away from him so he moved without thinking to grab on to the man’s collar and pull him close for an even deeper kiss, eagerly swallowing the moan of surprising pleasure.

“Still think I never have any fun in my life?” The question made him laugh.

“Yes,” he answered honestly. “But I would be more than happy to help you with that.”

“Maa, how about I just have more of you in my life and if some fun happens to fall out of your pockets while I’m there I just won’t complain?”

“Deal.” Minato grinned widely, feeling like he was still floating on that cloud with no intentions of coming down.

With a nod and a clearing of his throat Kakashi slid his eyes off to the side and said, “If we’re going to keeping making out like teenagers we may wish to find a different location where we don’t have to worry about innocent citizens hearing any untoward noises from their Hokage.”

Since he was most curious about what sort of noises Kakashi thought he could get, Minato agreed they should find somewhere else a little more private.

Later there would definitely be some hoops to jump through as there always would be when someone as high ranking as the Hokage wanted to date someone who was technically underneath them and explaining everything to Naruto was going to be an actual nightmare but in the end Minato already knew it would all be worth. To have a dream come true like having Kakashi in his arms, that was worth almost anything.

#rae writes #commission #minakaka #minato #kakashi #fanfiction

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pikapeppa · 6 years ago

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Fenris/f!Hawke and the Inquisition: Disagree

Chapter 24 of Lovers In A Dangerous Time (i.e. Fenris the Inquisitor) is up on AO3!

In which the crew finally heads out to the Western Approach, disagreements are had, and Iron Bull gets to kill a dragon.

Read here on AO3; ~9400 words.

*********************

“Nope,” Varric panted. “Not gonna happen.”

“Oh come on,” Hawke wheedled. “If you learned to ride, then you wouldn’t have to tromp through the desert like this.” She shot a pointed look at Varric’s feet, which he was dragging effortfully through the endless sand of the Western Approach.

He shook his head and continued to slog his way up the dune. “I’m not learning to ride one of those giant nugs, Hawke. There’s no way.”

“Why not?” she complained. “They’re the perfect mount for you! They look friendly, but they’re vicious as hell when you provoke them. Just like you.” She batted her eyelashes at him.

Fenris frowned at her. “How would you know that the nuggalopes are vicious?”

She jerked a thumb at Blackwall. “He didn’t take enough sugar to the stables for all of them. Pickles knocked him down because she was jealous. Barely took her any effort.”

Blackwall harrumphed. “Now hang on there. I wasn’t expecting the damned battle nug to–”

“‘Pickles’?” Varric interrupted incredulously. “Is that… You named the giant nugs?”

“Of course,” Hawke said in surprise. “Dennet said I could.”

Varric raised his eyebrows, then chuckled and shook his head. “Of course he did.”

Hawke grinned and punched his shoulder. “What do you mean by that?”

Varric shot her a smirk. “That horsemaster is crotchety about the names of his horses. Then the Champion of Kirkwall walks into the stables, and he just lets you start naming the mounts?”

She widened her eyes and blinked. “I really don’t know what you mean.”

Fenris chuckled at her beguiling expression. “I suspect that is the exact face you wore when you asked to name the giant nugs.” He pinched her waist.

She squeaked with laughter and slapped his hand away. “All right, fine, there may have been some sweet-talking. But he was just going to give them boring alphabetical names! Albert, Bernard, Christopher… blech. I couldn’t let that stand.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow. “But your own mabari’s name is hardly original.”

Carver sighed. “Oh, here we go…”

Hawke gasped. “Have I never told you how Toby got his name?”

“I don’t think so, no,” Fenris said in surprise.

Hawke clapped her hands. “Oh! Well, this was back in Lothering. I was in the yard doing some fool thing when I heard yelping in the woods across the stream. It sounded like a dog in pain, so I went to find out what the fuss was about, and what do I find but this precious mabari puppy–”

“He was already at least twenty pounds, Rynne,” Carver interjected.

Hawke shot him a dirty look. “...this precious mabari puppy crying and trying to fend off a bunch of bees that were attacking him. It looked like he romped right into a bee’s nest. So I cleared off all the bees with a little magic and I healed all his stings, and Carver carried him home–”

“Even though he was perfectly fine by that time,” Carver muttered.

Hawke elbowed him. “And when we got home, that’s when I realized that I got stung too. Right on my big toe.” She looked up at Carver with a grin. “It was about the size of a grapefruit, right?”

He snorted. “More like a plum, but yes. It wasn’t pretty.”

“It was disgusting,” Hawke said with relish. “Father got the sting out and healed it up right away, but I thought it was funny.” She stopped talking and smiled at Fenris and the others.

Varric raised an eyebrow. “So… wait. That’s… that’s the end of your story?”

“Yep,” Hawke said pertly.

Blackwall scratched his beard. “I don’t understand.”

Carver sighed loudly. “Toby. Toe-bee. That’s the point of the stupid story.”

Blackwall’s eyebrows rose, and Varric snorted. “Seriously, Hawke?”

She shrugged and tucked her hands in her pockets. “It’s a real name, isn’t it? But only those who are clever enough to ask about it get to know the whole story.” She bumped her shoulder against Fenris’s and smiled fondly at him.

“Lucky them,” Carver muttered.

She linked her arm with her brother’s. “Hey now, don’t be like that. Toby loves you just as much as he loves me.”

Carver grunted. “Oh, sure. That’s why he slept on your bed almost every night.”

“Not true!” Hawke protested. “He only got to sleep on my bed for two months. Then I kicked him off for hogging the blankets.”

“Whatever. Your carpet, then,” Carver retorted.

“It’s all right, Junior,” Varric said soothingly. “You still have time to get a pet. How about a fennec?”

Carver scowled. “A fennec?”

“That’s a great idea!” Hawke chirped. “I’d love a fennec in the family! They’re so cute. A perfect match for you, Carv.” She smiled winningly up at her brawny brother.

Varric snorted, and Carver’s scowl deepened, and Fenris rubbed his mouth to hide a smile. Then Solas spoke up. “I must admit, I am curious about the nuggalopes. They are a very… unusual breed. Where did they come from?”

“Lady Josephine said they were a gift,” Blackwall said. “From some Orlesian noble, I think.”

Varric smirked. “Actually, I have it on good authority that they were meant to be a courting gift for Curly.”

Hawke’s jaw dropped in delight. “You’re kidding.”

Solas smiled faintly. “Ah. That explains the Commander’s recent… mood.”

“Yep,” Varric said. “I heard him saying something to Josephine about ‘setting the damned beasts free in the mountains for all I care’.”

Hawke gasped. “He wouldn’t.”

“Not to worry,” Fenris said to her. “He can’t very well release them now that they have been named.”

She grinned at him. “Damned right.”

Fenris enjoyed her carefree smile for a moment. Then Blackwall addressed him. “Fenris, you don’t ride, do you?”

Fenris shook his head. “No. When would I have learned? Certainly not in Tevinter. Hence our travels being on foot.” He shot Blackwall a slightly apologetic look. “You’re free to ride ahead if you wish. You do not need to stay with us.”

Blackwall hastily waved him off. “No, no, that’s not why I… well, I was thinking. If you wanted, I could teach you to ride. If you’re interested.”

Fenris was quiet as he considered the offer. In truth, he had been thinking that he should learn to ride, given the extensive travelling they did. But there was something about the idea of being on horseback that struck him as… presumptuous, somehow, or perhaps smug.

The ability to ride horseback was common among humans; back in Tevinter, soporati warriors of affluent Tevinter houses and spoiled magisters’ sons were often seen on fine warhorses or even on dracolisks. In Ferelden, it was more noteworthy if one didn’t know how to ride than if one did, and being able to ride was an obvious requirement for Orlesian Chevaliers.

But Fenris was no human lord or chevalier. He couldn’t recall ever seeing an elf on horseback during his time in Tevinter. Here in the south, the situation was better, but not by much; he could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen a mounted elf, and they were always affluent merchants. It had never occurred to Fenris to learn how to ride until very recently – until he’d joined the Inquisition, in fact. But despite the obvious practicality of riding, something about the idea of acquiring this particular skill made him instinctively balk.

He pensively nibbled the inside of his cheek, then bowed his head to Blackwall. “I appreciate the offer. I will… consider it.”

Blackwall nodded in return. “Anytime, Your Wor- er, Fenris. You let me know what you decide.”

Fenris nodded again in thanks. Then Hawke sidled up to Blackwall and looped her hand through his elbow. “You know what be amazing? If griffons were still around. I could absolutely imagine you riding a griffon.”

Blackwall chuckled. “You flatter me, my lady.”

“Not at all!” Hawke said warmly. “And who knows? They thought dragons were going extinct, and they’re doing quite well nowadays. A little too well, really. It’s always possible that griffons could make a comeback, too.”

Blackwall smiled wistfully at her. Solas thoughtfully rubbed his jaw. “I have wondered about that myself,” he said. “The resurgence of dragons is a rather curious phenomenon. I must wonder if the instability of the Veil in certain areas has played a role.”

Hawke teasingly poked his shoulder. “Of course you’ve wondered that. But you have a point; dragons are inherently magical creatures.”

“Precisely,” Solas said, with growing enthusiasm. “Imagine the implications if magic were playing a role in the breeding and growth patterns of the creatures of this world.”

Blackwall grimaced. “I don’t know, Solas. Dangerous creatures getting more dangerous? It sounds like trouble to me.”

Solas widened his eyes. “But if we understood the process by which the impact of the Fade…”

Fenris smiled faintly as Solas and Blackwall and Hawke continued their lively discussion of creatures and magic. Then he heard Varric’s quiet huff of amusement.

Fenris looked down at him. “Is something amusing?”

Varric raised an eyebrow. “We’re about to meet Stroud to find out what the Wardens have been getting up to. That’s some pretty ominous shit. You’re in a surprisingly good mood, all things considered.”

“I was going to say the same thing,” Carver added. “You’re being cheerful. It’s kind of weird. Not bad,” he said hastily when Fenris frowned. “Just, um, different.”

Fenris sighed. “I am… making an effort,” he admitted quietly. “Taking a page from Hawke’s book, as it were. My customary, er…”

“Brooding,” Varric supplied helpfully.

Fenris rolled his eyes. “Fine, if you insist.” He lowered his voice further. “I do not want to worry her more than I have already done. And the… ruminating is not particularly helpful to me. I am trying something different.” He had been mulling over the thoughts that Cole had plucked from Hawke’s head with her permission: the fears that haunted her mind, and the fact that Fenris’s laughter kept her fears at bay. If it cheered Hawke up to hear Fenris laughing, it was worth the attempt at levity.

Varric patted his elbow. “Just admit it, elf,” he said cheerfully. “You’re covered in newlywed dust, and it hasn’t worn off yet. We can probably expect His Broodiness back in, oh, another week or so.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow. “And how do you have such sage marital advice to share?” he drawled. “Do you have a wife stashed away somewhere that we don’t know about?”

Carver snickered, and Varric smiled indulgently. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“A cagey response, dwarf,” Fenris said. “I shall conclude that it is a secret mistress instead of a wife, then.”

Varric smiled enigmatically, and Fenris chuckled at his mysterious demeanour.

Then Hawke turned around to face them. “Fenris,” she said.

Her tone was businesslike. Fenris looked up, and his gaze instantly darted over her shoulder. A rift was twisting and warping in the air about fifty paces away, and there was a small group of demons seething in the sand below.

He nodded sharply at her. With no further instructions, their party ran toward the rift.

They’d all been working together for long enough by now that closing the average rift took little more than a few minutes of concentrated effort and combat. The demons here in the Western Approach were rather larger and more tenacious than in some of the other places they’d been, but Hawke and Solas strategically used their fire and ice attacks to weaken the largest demons for Carver, Blackwall and Varric’s swords and bolts. Carver’s Templar abilities came in handy, too; with a little push of concentration, he was able to stem the flow of demons from the rift while Fenris focused on closing it.

The rift disappeared into his palm with the usual thwomp of pressure. Fenris idly shook out his hand, then pointed to the west. “There,” he said. About a kilometre away, he could see the characteristic jagged peaks of Tevinter architecture.

“That is the meeting place that Stroud indicated,” he said. “The ancient Tevinter ritual site.”

Hawke nodded. Her face was very serious. “Let’s go find him, then,” she said. “It’s been far too long since I enjoyed the sight of that enormous mustache of his.”

Their little group quietly jogged toward the ritual site. When they were almost there, Fenris spotted a lone human figure standing in the shadows of an ancient crumbling dolmen.

It was Stroud. The Grey Warden looked as stern as ever as he stepped forward to greet them. “Fenris, Hawke. Master Tethras, it is good to see you again.” A quick round of introductions was made for the others, then Stroud turned back to Fenris and Hawke with his usual worried frown.

“I’m glad you made it,” he said. “I fear they’ve already started the ritual.”

“They have already started?” Fenris said sharply. “Blood magic is underway right now?”

Stroud nodded sadly. “I believe so.”

Fenris scowled. “Then there is no time to waste. Are there guards posted? Should we approach with stealth?”

“Or can we storm right in and break up their party?” Hawke asked.

“We can approach directly, I believe,” Stroud said. “I have seen no guards in the surrounding area, and I have been observing for the past two days. Magic is certainly at play, but it seems to be a small force of Wardens; I have seen no more than a dozen people.”

“Dozen bad guys? We can deal with that,” Varric said. “Especially with Broody and the Beefcake Twins on our side.” He jerked his thumb at Carver and Blackwall.

Carver straightened up and nodded officiously at Fenris and Stroud. “Just tell us what to do,” he said.

Fenris gave his instructions as they approached the ritual site. “We will watch and listen at first,” he said. “We must know their plans if we are going to stop them. Then, if there is blood magic going on…” He trailed off and scowled.

Hawke grimaced and didn’t speak, but Solas did. “I suspect it is too much to hope that the Grey Wardens’ plan is premised on facts rather than assumptions for once.”

Fenris frowned curiously. He’d heard Solas making pointed comments about the Grey Wardens even before this blood magic issue had arisen, but he didn’t fully understand Solas’s problem.

They stepped onto the short paved bridge that led to the ritual site proper, and Blackwall frowned as well. “Solas, I’ve never understood your disregard for the Wardens. Don’t you think it’s a good cause to fight the Blight?”

“Certainly, if done correctly and with the proper forethought,” Solas said.

Blackwall’s frown deepened further, and Hawke laughed lightly. “I love a good philosophical debate as much as the next person, but how about you boys pick up this friendly discussion a little later?”

“Yeah, that would be good,” Varric said quietly. “Because I see trouble ahead.”

Fenris and the others all looked up, just in time to see one Grey Warden plunge a dagger into another Warden’s gut.

There was a general outcry of dismay from the group. “Maker’s mercy,” Carver blurted.

“Shit,” Hawke and Varric said together.

Fenris didn’t waste his breath. He took off at a run with the others close at his heels, but they were not fast enough. As they watched, a rage demon burst from a green fissure in the air, almost like a misbegotten calf being born from the glowing rift in the sky.

They reached the platform just in time to see a man in Tevinter clothing delivering instructions to the bloody-handed Warden mage. “Now bind it, just as I showed you,” the Tevinter man said.

“Stop,” Fenris barked, but it was too late; the murderous Warden mage was already muttering and holding his hand toward the writhing demon. A moment later, the Warden and the demon both grew still.

“Fuck. More demon-binding?” Hawke panted.

“So it would seem,” Fenris snarled. He glared at the Warden mage as he and his demon pet fell in line with a handful of other mages and demons who were standing at attention on the platform.

The Tevinter man looked up at them with an oily smile. “Inquisitor. It’s Fenris, isn’t it?” he said. His eyes lingered on Fenris’s chin and neck. “What an unexpected pleasure. I had heard tales of Danarius’s masterpiece back in Tevinter, before all of this. A shame he didn’t live to see how things ended up for you.”

Hawke took a threatening step forward. “How about you bite my–”

Fenris held up a hand to stop her and narrowed his eyes. This man might know of him, but Fenris had never seen him before. “Who are you?” he demanded.

The Tevinter bowed with an elaborate flourish. “Lord Livius Erimond of Vyrantium, at your service.”

“You are no Warden,” Stroud said accusingly.

“But you are,” Erimond said. He gave Stroud a condescending look. “You’re the one Clarel let slip. And you found the Inquisitor and came to stop me.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Shall we see how that goes?”

Hawke made a disgusted noise and turned to Varric. “Is it just me, or is this fellow the greasiest man you’ve ever seen?” she said loudly. “I feel like I’m going to break out in spots just from looking at him.”

Erimond’s smile slipped slightly. Then he clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace slowly on the platform. “Your timing is exquisite. Now you can witness my masterpieces at work.” He stopped pacing and faced the Wardens. “Wardens, hands up!”

In perfect unison, the Warden mages raised their hands, and Fenris watched in horror as they lowered their hands as well on Erimond’s command.

Stroud was staring at his compatriots with equal dismay. “Corypheus has taken their minds,” he lamented.

Erimond shot him another unpleasant smile. “They did this to themselves,” he said. “You see, the Calling had the Wardens terrified. They looked everywhere for help. Even Tevinter.”

“Oh fuck,” Hawke complained. “Not this again.”

Indeed, Fenris thought waspishly. It was rather telling that yet another group of mages was so eager to offer themselves to Tevinter. But Erimond was talking still – not just talking, but sharing his entire plan, it seemed.

Erimond smugly folded his arms. “Since it was my master who put the Calling into their little heads, we in the Venatori were prepared.” He shot Fenris an insincere smile. “I went to Clarel full of sympathy, and together we came up with a plan: raise a demon army, march into the deep roads, and kill the Old Gods before they wake up.”

“Fenedhis,” Solas hissed. “These fools…”

“Sadly for the Wardens, the binding ritual I taught the mages has a side effect,” Erimond continued. “They’re now my master’s slaves. Once the rest of the Wardens complete the ritual, the demon army will conquer Thedas, with the Wardens at their side.”

Hawke folded her arms. She looked just as irate as Solas. “You fucking slimy, treacherous–”

“Kill the Old Gods?” Fenris interrupted. “For what purpose?”

Erimond continued to swagger around the platform, and Fenris got the distinct impression that he was enjoying his audience. “A Blight happens when darkspawn find an Old God and corrupt it into an archdemon,” he said. “If someone fought through the deep roads and killed the Old Gods before they could be corrupted…” He gestured ostentatiously with his hand. “Poof! No more Blights, ever. The Wardens sacrifice their lives and save the world.” He tilted his head in a mockingly thoughtful expression. “Though I fear history will remember them a little differently now.”

“That’s madness,” Solas burst out. “For all we know, killing the Old Gods could make things even worse.”

Hawke glanced at him in confusion, but Erimond’s reply was glib. “Well then, it’s a good thing I’m taking this demon army off their hands.”

“And you think you could control an entire army of demons?” Hawke said. Her voice was positively dripping with skepticism. “And what about the Blight? You and your Venatori friends would just say, ‘oh good, the Blight is continuing on. Let the darkspawn join the demon party, the more the merrier’?”

Erimond scoffed. “The Elder One commands the Blight. He is not commanded by it, like the mindless darkspawn.” He continued to pace officiously on the platform. “The Blight is not unstoppable or uncontrollable. It is simply a tool.”

Hawke frowned at this, and Varric huffed. “Well, someone’s definitely a tool.”

Then Stroud spoke. “The Calling. That terrible song in every Warden’s mind. That was Corypheus’s influence?”

“Correct,” Erimond said. “Clever, wasn’t it? But we can’t take all the credit. Your very own colleagues made the choice to do all this.” He waved grandly at the dead Wardens scattered on the ground. “Everything you see here – the blood sacrifices to bind the demons: the Wardens did it of their own free will. Fear is a very good motivator, and they were very afraid.”

Blackwall took an angry step forward. “That’s a lie,” he exclaimed. “The Grey Wardens are heroes. They would never do this willingly.”

Erimond raised an eyebrow. “The Grey Wardens care about nothing save stopping Blights,” he said. “They will do anything to accomplish that.” He chuckled and shook his head. “You should have seen Clarel agonize over the decision. Burdens of command, I suppose.”

“Good,” Fenris said.

Everyone looked at him. Stroud and Blackwall frowned, and Erimond looked slightly surprised. “‘Good’?” he said.

“Yes,” Fenris said. He sneered at the magister. “You are so desperate for recognition that you told us everything. Now that your value has been tapped, I can tear your beating heart from your miserable corpse.” He clenched his fist and brought his lyrium marks to life.

Erimond flung a glowing red hand in Fenris’s direction, and Fenris stumbled to his knees as his left hand was inexorably drawn toward Erimond’s magic.

“Fenris!” Hawke cried out.

Fenris clenched his jaw. His left palm was glowing and vibrating viciously like it had when Corypheus had tried to take the anchor back, and Erimond was grinning more smugly than ever.

“The Elder One showed me how to deal with you, in the event you were foolish enough to interfere again,” Erimond said. “That mark you bear? The anchor that lets you pass safely through the Veil? You stole that from my master.”

Fenris ignored him. He was not going to let the restless bubbling feeling in his hand get the better of him this time. He focused all his attention on his palm, drawing carefully from Erimond’s magic instead of trying to resist it.

Erimond was still talking. “The Elder One has been forced to seek other ways to access the Fade. When I bring him your head, his gratitude will be–”

Fenris shoved himself to his feet and thrust his left hand in Erimond’s direction. A burst of pure rift magic flared from his palm in the magister’s direction, blasting the magister off of his feet and setting the demons to squalling.

“Maker’s balls,” Hawke gasped.

Fenris lowered his hand and glared at Erimond. The magister was unfortunately alive, but there was a satisfying look of fear on his face.

“Kill them!” Erimond squawked at the Wardens. Then he started dragging himself away.

Fenris snarled, but before he could move to pursue Erimond, the demons and Wardens were upon them.

The fight was rushed but vicious; Fenris was furious about the blood magic and Erimond’s disgusting ploy for power, and he held nothing back as he lashed out at the demons and the enchanted Wardens alike with his lyrium scars and his sword. The others fought with equal ferocity, and by the time the skirmish was done, the platform was slick with blood and demon ichor.

Hawke racked her staff on her back and strode over to Fenris. “Are you all right? Is your hand all right?” she demanded.

He allowed her to stroked his left palm, which had returned to its usual faint glow. “I am fine,” he assured her. He turned to Stroud with a scowl. “So the mages of your Order has fallen to blood magic and demon-summoning.”

Stroud bowed his head sadly. “This is so. And through their actions, they have become slaves to Corypheus.”

“It must be the Warden warriors’s blood that’s powering all of this, then,” Hawke said. She grimaced. “I suppose it’s not real blood magic until someone gets sacrificed.”

Carver tutted loudly. “Are you really joking about this, Rynne?” he demanded. “Acts like this are why the Templars exist. It’s our duty to stop things like this from happening!” He frowned at Stroud. “Aren’t there any Templar-trained Wardens? Why isn’t that a thing?”

Stroud bowed slightly to Carver. “The Wardens were wrong, Ser Carver, but they had their reasons.”

“Blood mages always have their reasons, don’t they?” Carver retorted. He turned to Rynne. “Orsino probably told you that he had good reasons, even though he kept telling Meredith that he was anti-blood magic all along.”

Hawke rolled her eyes. “Carv, let’s not talk about Orsino or Meredith right now, all right? We just had lunch. Thinking about them makes me want to vomit.”

“Carver is right,” Fenris said. “Fear and ignorance are no excuse. There is never a sufficient excuse for this kind of abhorrent blood magic. And don’t bring up what you had to do in Corypheus’s prison,” he said sharply to Hawke when she opened her mouth. “It was not the same.”

She held up her hands in protest. “I wasn’t going to! I was just going to ask what we’re doing next. Clearly the Wardens need help, right? Corypheus is manipulating them, so we should help set them free.”

There was a general uproar at this. Stroud and Blackwall nodded, and Carver threw up his hands in frustration while Solas folded his arms and scowled. Varric grimaced and tugged one of his earrings, and Fenris took a step closer to her.

“The Wardens do not need to be helped,” he said. “They need to be stopped.”

Hawke lifted her chin. “They’re being held as slaves to Corypheus’s will. It’s like Redcliffe Village all over again. Haven’t you noticed how it’s always the mages who are being targeted for his bullshit?”

Fenris curled his lip and waved angrily at the bloodied platform. “That is because the mages are–” He stopped and clamped his lips together before saying something he would regret.

Hawke raised her eyebrows. “Yes?” she said archly. “Please, go on. Don’t mince your words for my sake.”

Fenris shook his head and looked away. He was not going to have this fight with her, especially when she wasn’t the one fault.

Carver, however, didn’t have Fenris’s self-restraint. “The mages are weak,” he said bluntly. “They’re naturally susceptible to this kind of mind control. That’s why Corypheus keeps going after them.”

“Ah, shit,” Varric muttered.

Hawke burst out a bitter-sounding laugh. “Are you fucking serious?” she said. “Is that what you think of me, then? That I’m some weak and feeble-minded sitting duck just waiting to be taken over by Corypheus?”

“Maker’s bloody mercy, Rynne, everything is not always about you,” Carver yelled.

Hawke took a deep breath, and Stroud stepped forward. “Forgive me, Hawke, if I may…” He looked at Fenris. “I believe I know where the Wardens have gone. Erimond fled in that direction.” He pointed toward the west. “There’s an abandoned Warden fortress that way called Adamant. I will scout the fortress and confirm whether the other Wardens are there.”

Fenris nodded. “We will make camp near here. Find us when you have confirmed their presence.”

Stroud nodded sharply, then bowed slightly to Hawke. “Your understanding is undeserved, Hawke, but I am grateful all the same.”

She squeezed Stroud’s arm. “Don’t get me wrong, Stroud, your mages made a big mistake. But, well… everyone makes mistakes.” She quickly kissed his cheek. “Stay safe, all right? I’d hate if something bad happened to that mustache of yours.”

“I shall,” he said. He bowed to them and strode away.

Carver glared at Hawke. “‘Everyone makes mistakes’? That’s your takeaway from all this?”

Fenris also gazed at her in frustration. “Do you really see something redeemable in this?” He gestured roughly at the corpses littering the platform. “This is equitable to the monstrosities that Orsino committed!”

Hawke sighed and shrugged. She seemed exhausted now. “I just… Look, the blood magic part is disgusting. And horrible. And yes, it’s as bad as Orsino.” She shifted her weight to one hip and tapped her chin. “Although Orsino’s whole monster-slug-creature-thing was by far the most hideous–”

“Hawke,” Fenris complained.

She tutted. “All right, all right. It’s bad, okay? I know it’s bad. But the slave part – the mages being Corypheus’s slaves…” She looked pleadingly at Fenris. “That is exactly like what happened to Fiona’s people. Corypheus manipulated the situation to make them vulnerable and scared, then he swooped in and forced them into slavery! They didn’t know–”

“The Warden mages chose blood magic,” he hissed. “They knew enough to make that evil choice.”

To Fenris’s surprise, Solas backed him up. “They knew enough to bind their demons, yet not enough to know whether their plan would work,” he said angrily to Hawke. “Seeking to end the Old Gods deliberately in some bizarre attempt to preempt the Blight?”

Hawke recoiled slightly. “That’s what you’re objecting to?”

“Yes,” Solas snapped. “Would it have worked? Do you know? Did they? The fools who first unleashed the Blight upon this world thought they were unlocking ultimate power. To seek the Old Gods again…” He shook his head. “Responsibility is not expertise. Action is not inherently superior to inaction.”

Hawke was eyeing him cautiously now. “All right,” she said slowly. “But… you do think we should act, right?”

“Of course,” Solas said. “We must stop the Wardens from carrying out this insane plan.”

Carver gestured at Solas emphatically. “Thank you. A voice of reason.”

“I agree,” Fenris said.

“Well, so do I, obviously!” Hawke exclaimed. “I’m not condoning the blood magic bullshit. We obviously have to stop them. I’m just…” She trailed off and shrugged. “I’m thinking about after, I guess. If we save the Wardens from Corytits, maybe they could join the Inquisition.” She looked at Blackwall. “Do you think they would?”

Fenris scowled at her. He was strongly opposed to the idea of blood mages joining their ranks.

Blackwall shrugged sadly. “I’m not certain, my lady. The Wardens have their duties–”

Solas laughed nastily. “Duty. Mindless, unthinking duty, perhaps, but duty nonetheless.”

Hawke shot him a wide-eyed look. “Maker’s balls, Solas, keep it in your pants.”

Solas glared at her, but Blackwall sighed. “I… I like to think they would help our cause. But this…” He shook his head. “I can’t believe what they’re doing. I thought I understood the Order.”

He sounded oddly defeated. Hawke frowned slightly and squeezed his armoured arm, then turned to Fenris. “You know what? I don’t know why everyone cares what I think, anyway. What we do next is up to you.”

Everyone turned to look at Fenris, and for once, he was glad that the decision was his to make. “Our focus is on stopping the Wardens,” he announced. “We will thwart their plans, even if it means their deaths. And we will worry about delivering the consequences later.”

He eyed Hawke as he spoke. She was frowning, but once Fenris had delivered his verdict, she simply nodded her head.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Let us find a place to make camp,” he said. “With any luck, Stroud’s reconnaissance will not take too long.”

They left the blood- and ichor-stained platform and made their way back to the desert, then headed southwest in the direction that Leliana’s scouts had marked as a good place to camp. Blackwall was quiet and pensive as trudged across the dunes, and Hawke sidled up to Solas and fell into a quiet but heated discussion with him.

Carver and Varric fell into step beside Fenris. “Thanks, Fenris,” Carver said.

“For what?” Fenris said.

“For… uh, being reasonable, I suppose,” he said.

Varric chuckled. “He means for not taking Hawke’s side.”

Carver frowned at Varric. “Shut up,” he muttered.

Fenris gave Carver a flat look. “I do not mindlessly do everything your sister says, you know,” he said. “I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”

“I know,” Carver said hurriedly. “I didn’t say you can’t.” He shot Varric another resentful look, and they walked in silence for some time.

Then Carver spoke again. “Why did you follow her in Kirkwall, then? I know you disagreed with almost everything she did.”

“The same reason that she follows me now, despite disagreeing with my choice,” Fenris said.

Carver frowned slightly, and Fenris gave him a frank look. “It is possible to disagree with someone and still respect them,” he said. He glanced at Hawke’s back. She was talking with Solas still, and from what Fenris could hear, their conversation sounded quite calm and measured now.

He looked at Carver once more. “It is possible to disagree with someone and still love them. It is even possible to disagree with someone and still be kind to them, difficult though it may be,” he said quietly. “It took years for me to learn this. Too many years. Do not make the same mistakes as me.”

Carver dropped his gaze without replying, and Fenris looked away to watch Hawke’s swaying hips once more. After a moment of somewhat awkward silence, Carver spoke again.

“I do love my sister,” he said. “You know that, right? I don’t hate her. She just… drives me nuts sometimes. Most of the time. I mean – argh…” He ran a hand through his hair.

“I know you do,” Fenris said calmly. “Whether Rynne knows, however…” He shrugged.

Carver nibbled the inside of his cheek in silence. Then he shrugged awkwardly and drifted away.

Varric looked up at Fenris. “So,” he said casually. “That magic-blasty thing you did was a neat trick.” He nodded at Fenris’s left palm. ”How long have you been able to do that?”

Fenris glanced at his hand, then closed his fist. “I have only done it once before, after Corypheus attacked Haven. He… did something to my hand, or tried to. And shortly after, I… expelled magic from this cursed mark.” He shrugged. “I have not attempted to do it since.”

“Mm,” Varric acknowledged. “More weird shit to deal with, I guess.”

Fenris huffed. “You are correct about that.” He sighed. “I suppose I will have to ask Solas about it.”

Varric chuckled softly. “No need to sound so thrilled.”

Fenris shrugged again. He hadn’t told anyone except Hawke about his origins as a mage, or that Solas had been the one to reveal his ignominious background to him. Varric probably thought he was being rather churlish, but there was nothing to be done about that.

He smirked at Varric to hide his unease. “Truthfully? I would prefer to battle a dragon than to enter into another magical discussion with Solas. It would be far less tiring.”

Varric laughed again. “Poor Chuckles. He has a way with words, that’s for sure.” He tapped his chin. “He does have some interesting stories, though. I should collaborate with him on something.”

Fenris snorted. “I beg you, don’t. It would be even less successful than Swords and Shields.”

Varric scoffed. “Ouch. That hurts. And you wonder why I prefer hanging out with Hawke over you.”

Fenris smirked more widely. “I don’t wonder. I know why. You prefer sycophants over sincerity.”

Varric chuckled. Then Hawke glanced over her shoulder. “Hey,” she said. “I heard that.” She fell back beside them with a smile. “I’m no sycophant, all right? I just know genius when I see it.” She bumped Varric playfully with her hip.

Varric patted her elbow. “I’m glad I have you, Hawke. At least someone appreciates me.”

Fenris shook his head mock-ruefully. “I was unaware that the definition of ‘genius’ had become so relaxed. But if you insist…”

Varric snickered, and Hawke laughed brightly, and Fenris admired her genuine smile. There was nothing amusing about the situation they were in, and Fenris suspected things would steadily get worse over the following few days. But for now, he would allow himself to enjoy the sparkling joy of her laughter.

************************

Later that night, Cassandra and the rest of the group joined them at their camp, and they exchanged news and decided on their courses of action. Cassandra and Blackwall would take the bulk of their crew and clear the northern end of the Approach, including an ancient Grey Warden fortress called the Griffon’s Keep. Meanwhile, Fenris and Hawke and a few of the others would remain in the southern end to await Stroud’s news and to eradicate any foes that lingered nearby.

Fenris and his companions spent the following days eradicating the various bandits and Venatori in the area. Many of the bandits were harbouring crates of research equipment, and it wasn’t long before they discovered who the equipment was intended for: a very enthusiastic draconologist named Frederic who seemed to require a great many things to progress with his research, and whom Hawke – predictably – was unable to refuse. She claimed that Frederic’s numerous requests were ‘a fantastic lark’, and Fenris and Varric watched with fond exasperation as she and a surprisingly enthusiastic Bull ran around the nearby area searching for dragon signs and hunting creatures for Frederic’s dragon bait.

Two days after the incident with Erimond, Stroud showed up at their camp carrying very dire news: Wardens from all over Orlais were flooding toward Adamant Fortress. He spent a full hour debriefing them, sharing everything from his estimates of numbers to the layout of the fortress, and by the time his report was complete, Fenris knew what had to be done: a full siege on Adamant Fortress, supported by the might of the Inquisition’s army.

He immediately had ravens sent to Skyhold to advise the advisors of the situation. Then it was just a matter of waiting until the army showed up.

It would be approximately ten days before Cullen and the army arrived at the Western Approach. Thankfully – or unfortunately, depending on how one looked at it – there was much to be done in the intervening time. Darkspawn were emerging from somewhere in the northeast end of the Approach, and Blackwall was only too pleased to investigate the issue with Cole, Sera, and a (mildly complaining) Dorian at his side. Fenris, Hawke, Bull and Solas investigated an old Tevinter ruin containing some rather nasty time-stopping magic while Cassandra, Varric and Carver managed matters at the Griffon’s Keep, and all of them killed more bandits and raiders than they could count on two hands.

Notably, they took down their first high dragon since joining the Inquisition. Frederic’s bait recipe was effective, and when Fenris, Hawke, Varric and Bull returned to the draconologist with news of the dragon’s death, Fenris couldn’t decide if Frederic or Bull was more delighted with the day’s events.

Later that night as they sat around the campfire, Bull made his excitement clear by offering them all a large bottle from his travel pack. “Drinks!” he announced. “Come on, let’s see your cups. We’ve all earned a little maraas-lok today.”

Fenris allowed Bull to pour a generous measure of pungent liquor into his tin camping cup. “This is a mistake,” he said. He had never had maraas-lok, but he’d heard qunari speaking of it during his time in Seheron, and never exactly in a favourable way.

“Why?” Hawke asked. “What’s maraas-lok?” She sniffed from her cup, then instantly recoiled. “Woah. It smells like–”

“Axle grease and molasses,” Varric drawled. “That’s what it smells like.

Bull poured a cup for himself and plopped down on the log beside Fenris. “Ah, be brave. Take a risk. Drink!” He raised his cup. “To killing a high dragon like warriors of legend!” he proclaimed, then gulped the contents of his cup in three big swallows.

Fenris shook his head wryly, then lifted his cup. “Benefaris,” he said, and he only hesitated for a moment before gulping the liquor down.

Fenris, Varric, and Hawke all burst out coughing after swallowing, and Bull chortled heartily at their collective reactions. “I know, right?” he drawled. “Put some chest on your chest.” He leaned over and poured more liquor into their cups without asking. “That little gurgle right before it breathed lightning at us? And that roar. What I wouldn’t give to roar like that.” He smiled wistfully up at the star-sprinkled sky. “The way the ground shook when it landed, and the smell of the rocks burning… taarsidath an-halsam.” He sighed happily, then gulped down his second drink.

“What’s that mean?” Hawke asked. “Taarsi… thing. You said it during the fight, too. Is it a victory call or something?”

“Oh, taarsidaath an-halsam?” Bull said. He smirked and jerked a thumb at Fenris. “Maybe your man here can tell you, since he knows my language.”

“I don’t know that phrase, in fact,” Fenris said mildly. Bull’s tone was as jovial as ever, but Fenris got the impression that Bull was trying to suss him out.

“No, huh?” Bull said. He turned to Hawke, who was lifting her cup to her lips. “Closest translation would be, ‘I will bring myself sexual pleasure later, while thinking about this with great respect’.

She choked on her drink and instantly started spluttering, and Varric chuckled and patted her back. Once she caught her breath, she beamed at Bull. “That’s incredible. I absolutely adore it,” she announced. “I’m going to start saying it too.”

“Please don’t,” Fenris drawled.

Bull laughed. “A woman after my own heart.” He poured more liquor for her, then jerked his chin at Fenris’s cup. “Drink up, boss. There’s more where that came from.” He bolted down his third drink.

Fenris reluctantly took another sip of his pungent drink, and Bull smiled at them all. “You know the qunari hold dragons sacred? Well, as much as we hold anything sacred. “Atashi: ‘the glorious ones’. That’s our word for them.” He sighed happily and closed his eyes. “Ataaaaashiiiii.”

Hawke chuckled fuzzily. “Atashi. What a cute word.”

Bull snorted. “Not cute, Hawke. Fierce. Powerful. But you’re right: it is fun to say.” He and Hawke snickered together.

Fenris shrewdly studied him. As partial as Bull was to his booze, Fenris had never really seen him drunk before. Perhaps there was a reason Bull was getting openly drunk now.

Varric leaned his elbows on his knees. “Dragons are sacred to you guys, huh? Is it the horns?”

“Maybe,” Bull said. “We kinda look more dragon-y than most people. But a few of the Ben-Hassrath have this crazy old theory.” He leaned forward on his elbows as well. “See, the tamassrans control who we breed with. They breed us for jobs like you breed dogs or horses. What if they mixed in some dragon blood a long time ago? Maybe drinking the blood, maybe magic…? I don’t know.” He shrugged and leaned back. “But something in that dragon we killed… spoke to me.” He poured a fourth measure of maraas-lok for himself, then drank it down.

Hawke held out her cup for more. “So does that mean we killed a qunari god or something?”

“Nah,” Bull reassured her. “One of Tevinter’s gods, maybe. They worshipped dragons, right? The Vint pretty-boy is more likely to be offended than me.” He chuckled, but his expression grew slightly serious as he rolled his cup between his enormous palms.

“Dragons are the embodiment of raw power,” he said. “But it’s all uncontrolled, savage. So they need to be destroyed. Taming the wild, order out of chaos… here, boss, have another drink.” He poured more maraas-lok into Fenris’s half-full cup.

Fenris nodded his thanks and took a tiny sip, then lowered his cup and looked up at Bull. “Did you encounter many dragons during your time in Seheron?”

Bull glanced at him – the briefest sideways glance – then swallowed another mouthful of maraas-lok before replying. “Nah,” he said casually. “Good thing, too. More than enough savagery there without dragons in the mix.”

“Savagery from all sides, yes,” Fenris said. He turned his eyes to the fire. “Your people fighting Tevinters, Tevinters fighting the Tal-Vashoth, Tal-Vashoth fighting you…”

“And the fog warriors,” Bull put in. “Don’t forget your contribution. Sneaky bastards, you were.”

Fenris nodded in acknowledgement. “I could never forget,” he said quietly.

Hawke and Varric were silent, and Fenris glanced at them. Hawke was leaning against Varric’s shoulder – likely for support, given how much maraas-lok she’d had – but they were both watching him and Bull with wide eyes.

He took another sip from his cup and glanced up at the qunari. “Bull, when did you arrive in Seheron?”

Bull rumbled a low laugh. “Just cutting straight to the quick, eh boss? I like that about you.” He rested his palms on his knees. “I was in Seheron for years. Was first stationed there in 9:23. Stayed until 9:31.”

“Ah,” Fenris said. “We were there at the same time, then.”

Bull huffed and scratched his chin. “We were, huh? When were you there?”

“In 9:28,” Fenris said. “A mere few months, but… it was enough.”

Bull chuckled. “You can say that again.” He gave Fenris an appraising look. “I don’t remember you. Not that I remember every guy I fight, but I feel like I’d have remembered you if we scrapped.”

Fenris smiled faintly. “If you do not remember me, that means I was successful.”

Bull chortled again and shook his horned head. “Vashedan. I guess you’re right.” He poured himself another drink and shot Fenris a sideways glance. “You only stayed a few months, eh? Damned lucky that you got out so soon. Seheron was an ugly place.”

Fenris exhaled slowly, then took a slightly larger sip from his cup. “I would have stayed,” he said. “But… circumstances required that I leave.”

“Stayed longer?” Bull said in surprise. “What the hell for?”

Fenris shrugged and stared into his cup. “I was happy there. For the first time that I could remember, I was… happy. But my former master came, and…” He trailed off, then looked up and met Hawke’s eyes.

Her face was serious and her eyes were soft. She smiled at him, and Fenris took comfort from the flickering of the flames in her copper eyes.

He looked up at Bull. “Danarius commanded me to kill the fog warriors who sheltered me, so I did.”

Bull raised his eyebrows slightly, and Fenris answered his unasked question. “I believed I had no choice. Once the deed was done, however…” He exhaled slowly. “That was the moment I knew I could no longer be Danarius’s mindless thrall.” He looked at the fire once more. “I left Seheron that same night. I headed south, to Kirkwall. The rest is history, as they say.” He smiled faintly at Hawke, who was smiling at him in turn.

“Hm. Seheron is good for that, it seems,” Bull said thoughtfully. “Life-changing epiphanies.” He gulped from his cup again.

Fenris nodded. “That seems so, yes, if that is where you were when you asked to be reassigned.”

Bull huffed a little laugh. “I didn’t ask for a reassignment. I asked to be re-educated.”

Fenris froze, then stared up at him incredulously. “You were willingly re-educated?”

“Oh fuck,” Hawke blurted. “Seriously? You never mentioned that, Bull.”

Bull shrugged casually. “You didn’t ask.” He looked Fenris once more. “One day I woke up and couldn’t think of a damned reason to keep doing my job. Turned myself in to the re-educators.”

“But… but the re-educators sound awful,” Hawke protested. “You told me they torture people. Potions, sleep deprivation, brainwashing and all that…”

“Yep,” Bull said. “And it did the trick. They fixed me up and sent me to Orlais, ostensibly as a Tal-Vashoth, to work undercover. And the rest, as they say, is history.” He smirked at Fenris and poured a little more maraas-lok into his cup, then took a hearty gulp straight from the bottle.

Fenris narrowed his eyes. “You do not seem re-educated.”

Bull lowered the bottle and chuckled. “You’ve met many re-educated qunari to compare me to, then?”

“I will rephrase that,” Fenris said. “You do not seem very qunari.”

Bull smiled. “Heh. And you’d know this from a few months’ observation in Seheron?”

“And in Kirkwall,” Hawke put in. “The qunari lived in Kirkwall for years. We visited their compound a bunch of times.” She elbowed Varric. “I still think the Arishok had a thing for Fenris. And for me. But more for Fenris.”

Varric patted her hand indulgently. “Sure, Hawke, whatever you say.”

Fenris ignored their banter. “A few months of covert observation is not insignificant,” he said to Bull. “You seem…” He trailed off as he tried to formulate his thoughts; the maraas-lok seemed to be catching up to him, although he hadn’t had much.

“You seem like… like a person, Bull,” he finally said. “And I would not say that was a bad thing.”

Bull chuckled. “Ah, think what you like. But I know what I am. I’m a tool of destruction.” He rose to his feet and planted his hands on his waist. “I’ll prove it to you. Show me something to break – anything, rock or tree or whatever, and I’ll destroy it.”

Fenris studied him in silence. He saw this diversion for exactly what it was: a convenient change of subject, and an attempt to deflect. But if Bull no longer wished to speak of this, Fenris wasn’t going to press him.

He waved a dismissive hand. “I don’t need to see it. I believe it.”

“So do I, but I’ll still play,” Hawke chirped. She hopped up from her log, then stumbled slightly.

Fenris hastily rose and grabbed her waist for support. “Careful, Hawke,” he said gently.

“Thanks, handsome,” she slurred. “But I want to see Bull breaking things.” She pointed at a nearby boulder that was twice Bull’s size. “How about that?”

Bull laughed loudly. “All right, you got me. Something a tiny bit smaller, maybe.” He picked up his enormous war hammer. “Come on, Hawke. Lemme show you how gravel is made.” He wandered away and started swinging his hammer experimentally.

Fenris waited until he was out of earshot, then raised an eyebrow at Hawke. “You really want to do this?” he murmured.

She patted his cheek clumsily. “Sure I do,” she said. “Besides, he needs it. Break some stuff, easy way to feel better. For some people, at least.”

Fenris blinked at her drunken thoughtfulness, then carefully released her arm. “All right,” he said.

She winked at him, then tottered over to Bull’s side and plopped down in the sand. Fenris shook his head in fond exasperation and sat beside Varric, and they watched for a while as Hawke pointed to various rocks and bricks and dead logs for Bull to break.

“I didn’t see that coming,” Varric said quietly. “The re-education thing.”

“Nor did I,” Fenris said. “It still strikes me as strange.” Bull was probably the most dichotomous person Fenris knew. If not for his horns and his height, it would be easy to forget much of the time that Bull was qunari at all. But the things he would say sometimes – things like ‘taming the wild’ and ‘order out of chaos’...

It wasn’t a sentiment Fenris disagreed with. Unfettered power and unfettered rage were dangerous if improperly controlled. But when Bull said it, it seemed out of character, somehow — not like he disbelieved his own words, but like there was something more to them than just the teachings of the Qun.

Fenris tapped his knees thoughtfully. He got the sense that he and Bull were not so different: they’d both seen monstrosities in Seheron, and the things they’d seen – and in Fenris’s case, things he had done – had changed both of their lives. But while Fenris’s experience had forced him to break free, it seemed that the hardships had only reconfirmed Bull’s conformity to the Qun.

He watched Bull joking around with Hawke. Bull’s laughter was easy and warm, and very unlike any qunari Fenris had ever known.

Fenris narrowed his eyes. It seemed there was a piece of Bull’s past that was still missing from the puzzle. Perhaps Leliana should assign someone to find out what it was. Bull was a Ben-Hassrath agent, after all, and knowing more about him wouldn’t go amiss. Bull probably wouldn’t even mind being spied on, given his openness about his own status as a spy.

Fenris mulled the issue over for a while, then shrugged to himself. He would discuss it with Leliana when they returned to Skyhold. For now, there was no harm done in continuing their daily tasks as they had done so far.

Fenris just hoped that Bull’s behaviour would continue to be benign. If not…

His eyes drifted to Hawke, who was laughing uproariously at something Bull had said. If Bull showed any signs of becoming a danger, then Fenris would be the first in line to put him down.

***********************

“Inquisitor?”

Fenris cracked open his eyes. The inside of the tent was bathed in warm orange light as the morning sun bled through the canvas, and the scout’s voice was calling to him from just outside the tent flap.

He cleared his throat and sat up on one elbow. “What is it?”

“A letter from Cullen, Your Worship,” the scout replied. “I’m sorry to wake you, but I thought you should see…”

Fenris pushed himself upright, fully awakened by the news. “Thank you,” he said. “I will be right out.”

“Ser,” the scout said. Then her sand-muffled footsteps moved away.

Hawke groaned as Fenris slipped out of the bedroll. “Balls,” she whimpered. “My head. I’m never drinking that fucking maraas-lok again.”

Fenris dropped a kiss on her bare shoulder. “I will bring you some elfroot,” he murmured. He hastily hauled on some clothes and crawled out of the tent.

The scout saluted him and handed him the letter, and Fenris read it as quickly as he could. By the time he’d finished it, Hawke was poking her dark-haired head out of the tent.

She squinted painfully at the bright morning sun and shielded her eyes as she crawled out to join him. “What is it? Is something wrong?”

“No,” Fenris said. He held the letter out to her. “Cullen and the army are due to arrive tonight at the Griffon’s Keep. They say the trebuchets from Jader will be in place by morning.”

Hawke took the letter and met his gaze with wide eyes. “Oh. That’s good.”

“Yes,” Fenris said. He studied her expression; it was serious and worried.

She wasn’t wrong; the arrival of the army was a good thing. The sooner they moved on the Wardens, the better. But a battle was still a battle, and a siege attack always represented a huge risk for the offensive force. Given how well-defended Adamant Fortress was, the people of the Inquisition were likely to suffer a high casualty rate.

Hawke stroked his arm. “We’d better head to the Griffon’s Keep so we can meet them, then.”

“Yes,” Fenris said. “We should get moving as soon as we can, so we can rest well tonight.” He inhaled deeply and looked to the northwest. “Tomorrow, we will be marching on Adamant Fortress.”

“Together,” Hawke said firmly.

Her fingers were tight on his arm. He gently brushed a tuft of unruly dark hair from her eyes. “Always,” he said.

#fenris #fenris fic #fenris the inquisitor #fenquisition #Lovers in a Dangerous Time #fenhawke #fenris/hawke #fenris x hawke #fenris/f!hawke #fenris x f!hawke #fenris/femhawke #fenris x femhawke #hawris #f!hawris #adamant fortress #the iron bull #iron bull #pikapeppa writes

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sozotohakai · 6 years ago

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meet the mun

Repost do not reblog !!

Tagged by: @weiwuxiian (thank you!) Tagging: @xueyaang @shensheng-aoman @ask-cross-marian @avellaturortem @crowleiii @manadcampbellrpblog @crystallizecrimsonbutterfly @illusiive if you want to, and anyone else who wants to!

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE - Name: Chris - Eye Color: Brown - Hair Style/color: Varies, I tend to prefer mid-length hair, with layered cut style, and they’re naturally dark brown, I’ve dyed them with strands of copper or strands of auburn in the past, I’ve felt like letting them be just their natural colour but I’m pretty sure it’s possible I’ll dye them in one of those again in the future. - Height: 5′7 (170 cm) - Clothing style: Uh. That is a good question :’) Casual I guess, I love most jeans/tight pants that are either blue or black, I love my tops to be fitting though not too tight but I have various kind of tops I like (from tank top to short sleeved shirt to long sleeve ones), I do have a weakness for button up shirts though. Boots are also my faves kind of shoes. - Best physical feature: I guess, my overall figure?

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE - Your fears: I think my overall, big fear is the fear of physical pain, but it’s translate most in fear of drowning, of sharp objects pointed at me or near me in someone else’s hand, fear of heights, and fear of stingy insects. I think I do have a phobia of wasps and bees and the likes though, like, I used to be deathly afraid of every insects, even butterfly. I’m still a bit uneasy when anything insects gets close to me, but I only really fear afraid when I know it can sting (or if I don’t know if they can, like if I’m surprised by buzzing but can’t see it, or if I don’t know the insects). I tolerate bees? By that I mean I just freeze and repeat like a mantra it’ll die if it strings it won’t easily sting you. But wasps? Nah man, I’ll hide behind anyone I know or I flee. If you ever see me make a sudden, wide off-way from a straight line, you know I heard or saw a wasps or something insect-y. Like. At least you know i’m the best radar for them. At least, it is the fear of being stung by then, rather than of the insects themselves, so I’m okay with just seeing them and/or hearing them if they can’t access me. Although the sounds make me tense like BUZZING-oh its okay XD - Your guilty pleasure: I see a cat, I hope I can pet the cat, I won’t bother the cat but if there’s cat and cat willing, I’ll pet cat. Same with dogs, though cats feel calmer so easier to be around. Also tbh food? I’m weak to good food, or just anything tasy enough for me, which is pretty much anything (that isnt overcooked or the very few tastes I wont like). - Ambitions for the future: In all honesty, being able to continue with the life i’ve created. Take care of mom, visit&see my brother every weekend, spend my way between writing and working on little things and my hobbies. I do wish to be able eventually to travel and meet my online friends (and/or welcome them here). And tbh I have zero wish to get known, if I get some fanbase and just enough to contribute at home, i’ll be the happiest. The only real dream for future I have is a shared one, mom and my bro (and I) kind of hope we’ll one day be able to live in a house together, either those houses that can be split in smaller houses (like three small flats making up a bigger house), or simply that it has enough rooms for each of us to have a personal space.

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS - Your first thoughts waking up: Vary, half the time it can be some leftover dreams so it’s like, finishing a thought from a dream (including at times literally thinking oh i’m dreaming ohhhh i’m waking up), sometimes it’ll be the slow realization of a sound, most often there’s also hearing if mom is awake (or not). Then I can daydream a bit. - What you think about before bed: Most often, daydreaming to sleep.

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER? - Single or group dates: Not sure tbh, I guess both depending on people and context? - To be loved or respected: Respect. You can love without respect; but respect is a form of love in itself. Like I’d honestly much prefer someone who respect me but doesn’t feel much of anything, that someone who “loves” me but doesn’t have respect. Of course, if I’m loved and respected, that’s the best. - Beauty or brains: Either one or both. I honestly see people as whole, so I can see “details”, but I also see the whole. Probably both is the most correct reply, though beauty has a bit less impact on me than brains, but beauty is subjective so. - Dogs or cats: Both, though I do have a preference for cats, cat-energy is like... calm. I mean they can be no calm at all, but their overall energy feel calmer than dogs. But I love both.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU. - Lie: I myself tend to be truthful, although I can also simply omit truths if voicing them has no real impact or need, mostly it’s like, if something doesnt feel important to share, I wouldn’t really think of it, but if asked or if the subject comes to it, it might pop into my head. So basically I don’t lie (unless I’d have a pretty good reason life safety), I’d mind my words with hurtful truth (if they have to be voiced), and I don’t really care if i’m lied to, as long as it’s not malicious. - Believe in yourself: I think? I’m secure in myself now, so yeah I guess there’s this implicit confidence I know myself enough. Like I can have insecurities, but I guess I believe in myself to handle it so. - Believe in love: I do, I believe in all forms of love, including at first sight, though I also believe it needs work to remain love, and the loves that don’t have a real label (like, there’s romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, and then those loves you can’t really place as any of the three but could be any of the three). And I believe friendship love and family love are just as strong as others, but I kind of believe more in family of the heart than of blood? And that its basically luck when you have a heart’s family that’s also blood family. Like they are part of your heart family, and the fact you’re blood related is just a secondary detail. - Want someone: I do feel like it would be nice to have a partner (or partners, I’m neutral about exclusivity), but I’m going out of my way to look for one. That’s why I also feel like if I ever have someone, it’ll be a friend, someone I know and we think okay we could be partners too. I’m not ruling out meeting someone that gets me doki-doki but yeah, I’d still want to know them better first. I easily crush, but I don’t easily fall (and I easily friendship crush too and confused crush sooOOO).

LAYER SIX: EVER? - Been on stage: Not really? Presentation yes, but nothing else. I mean one time a presentation took the form of a small sketch but. Yeah no real stage. - Done drugs: No. - Changed who you were to fit in: I don’t think so? I adapt, but that’s part of myself. But I don’t change the other parts? Like I’m quiet naturally, I can become chatty about cetain things (especially if I feel comfortable, which is harder in person), and I’m not going to shut up nor am I going to speak up if I don’t want to. If I can see people aren’t listening, i’m also not going to bother trying. The same kind of logic is applied to anything, I can notice what works and doesn’t work in a given setting, but I only adjust if I want to and if it’s not going against who I am.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES - Favorite color: Blue, green, silver, gold, white, black. - Favorite animal: Foxes, cats, felines&canines in general, horses. I also blame WWX and LWJ from making me coo harder at bunnies now. EDIT: Yo I’m an idiot whose brain didn’t work, but I actuall love wolves as much as foxes, they need to be properly mentioned and I dont know why I forgot :’D - Favorite movie: I can’t say I have faves in movies? There are movies I enjoyed, but none I consider faves, unlike animes/mangas or games. - Favorite game: Tales of Symphonia, Fire Emblem Path of Radiance, Skyrim, Tales of Vesperia, Breath of the WIld, Pokemon games (X/Y so far my favourite with weakness for FR/LG).

LAYER EIGHT: AGE - Day your next birthday will be: July, 2nd - How old will you be: 27 (I still mind-freeze because part of me still feel like I’m, what, 24? Not quite anymore at the 20/21 stage, but not really past my mid-twenties) - Does age matter: Not really, it’s people personality and their ability to handle the world, as well as how they interact with it. In a sense, its the age you feel like that matters more, but to yourself. Like yeah you can care about the number ages of people around you, but its how they are and feel and act that end up mattering more.

#outofhost

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bangtan-ballum · 7 years ago

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what i remember from the interactive introverts show in belfast (28.5.2018) SPOILERS

this is all from memory so quotes and the order may not be completely accurate but close enough.. *pretty detailed spoilers*

- before the show began and the playlist was on, 'dans siri' kept interrupting saying "this is dans siri he left me to go look at some memes i hope you’re enjoying the playlist" and it telling us there’s no recording allowed and to turn our phones off or "ill beat you up only i cant because i’m just an ipad"

- the playlist had bts mic drop and red velvet peek-a-boo and everyone started singing and dancing to it and i was shook so many were fans of kpop omg i was liVING.

- explaining his tweet "the weirdest thing happened, sorry if you’re here but omg that would be weird, we were sat on a bench and then this little boy wearing a fedora walked by, stopped, looked back and did this *tipped his hat* like was that directed at me?? there was no hello, nothing! and then he waited and did it again?!" he asked phil if he seen him and he said he did. dan said "phew if you didn’t i thought, i’ve just seen god, god just came to me in this form to judge me. and if he did id be going down (to hell). i am not prepared for that"

- talking about the stage and the amazing graphic design and the two big i's at the side of the stage and dan said "look at those long boys" then called them phallic

- a photo of dan inspired by my horse prince with the caption "ride me senpai" and phil said it was from his own personal files so he doesn’t know how that got there..

- phil saying they want to get to know us better but bc theres not enough time for them to take us all out for a coffee and a chat (how cute, and then everyone became soft for them and said aww) so they decided to try to get to know use all at the same time

- the audiences collective name was karen

- "you’re just not there yet. you need to get inside karen" *dan looks at phil in disgust* "phil...join karen, connect with karen" dan later goes onto say "get inside karen" and phil says "see you’re as bad as me"

things dan and phil will not be doing tonight:

- 'erotic role playing': *phil wearing a police helmet and carrying a baton* "officer(maybe captain) phil(maybe philly) here, danny’s been a bad boy" then dan appears holding handcuffs "please be careful with the handcuffs i have sensitive skin"

- the show will also not be a live viewing of dan and phil in their apartment. they then showed videos of them doing things round the house and phil was eating cereal out of the box and dan was on the toilet.

- the show will not be a giant party with all their friends and they put party hats on and then the voice said “no because none of the people replied to their messages bc they have no friends. none.” lmao

- the show will not be them stripping and they ripped their shirts off to reveal they had the same shirt on underneath

- "unleash the bees" then "sting me daddy" by dan ofc

- they tested themselves and had to say the same thing under the topic of "kitchen objects" and they both said whisk and said that they never say the same thing and that was only the second time they’ve done that and they were so happy about it omg

- when doing the simulation part dan was in his fur suit and had to go to the toilets but the men’s was locked and the options we had to choose from was to "ask someone for the passcode" or "use the lady door" (i know) and dan went on to say that this is why we need to diminish the concept of gender and everyone clapped and cheered omg i love him

- during the how many think we know the real dan and phil bit, dan said something about how we know certain thing (that i dont remember) and how we know some of their kinks

- dan being v concerned about how we kept cheering for satan and judged the people of belfast for seeming happy to be making a deal with the devil lol.

- during the sacrifice of dan (what context?) phil came out in a leather apron with gloves and said he is wearing his best serial killer outfit.

- phil getting ready to shoot a spinning dan with an arrow and says "forget katniss everdeen, this is philniss philerdeen"

-phil misses the board and hits dans hip and dan said “if that was 5 inch to the left then we would not have been friends anymore”

- dan trying to get off the wheel and phil asked if he needs to unstrap him and dan said "i’ve had enough of you unstrapping me" idk if he actually said that but i s2g that’s what i heard at the time and how i will remember it LMAO

- dan had to untie phils apron and the audience died and dan was done with all of us.

- phil saying it was distracting watching dan get out of his padded suit and then dan tried to sexily get out of it whilst phil was talking and phil stopped and stared at dan and said "im just gonna let him do it" and so in the end we all just watched as dan struggled to step out of it and then literally also tripped. then a few minutes later he realised he still had one of the shoe protectors on his foot (he called it a shower cap lol) and then took it off and awkwardly walked to the side to set it down then awkwardly walked by and laughed under his breath.

- according to the audience dan has a stress mushroom, apple and a girls motivation locked in the box under his bed. dan was extremely concerned as to why she thinks he has locked an apple in the box. and everyone laughed when the other girl said her motivation and dan said "i too have my motivation locked in a box and i’ve lost the key"

- phil saying the key to dans box was v 50 shades of grey bc of the red ribbon

- at some point they both said a word wrong and both times they did The Thing™ they do when they mock each other when they make a mistake.

- 'phantastic phacts' as a title on screen. phil says "like what we did there?"

- dan saying his phil trash #1

- phil saying “put your nipples away” (when a photo of a topless man appeared on screen) and said it in some type of accent LMAO i died

- dan saying they are super best friends and soulmates -im dead-

- wholesome howell and x-rated lester made an appearance (they swapped roles and were given topics and phil had to make good things sound bad and dan had to make bad things sound good) also when dans photo of him as an angel with a halo and a rainbow behind him, he looked at the audience, smirked and said "its very fitting" i would like the think he meant the gay ass rainbow behind him but y’know.

- dan saying to god "implode me daddy" when he had to make the topic of the world imploding seem appealing. phil laughed under his breath and said “never say implode me daddy again”

- *phil having to make meeting beyonce sound bad and he said bc hes so clumsy that he'd trip and kill her and was really dramatic whilst saying it and dan was stunned and just looked in shock at phil then us and said "are you as traumatised as i am right now"

- dan having to make stepping in a puddle while wearing socks seem good and screamed and said "NO that is literally the worst thing in the world..ok you dont appreciate dry feet until suddenly they’re not. once a day we should all put on a fresh sock and go to the kitchen and step in something moist just to remember-" phil interrupts shouting no and dan continues saying "do you ever feel like you need a drink. well, with a wet sock you can just- *lifts his foot to his mouth and everyone dies on the spot*

- dan and phil struggling to pronounce all the irish names and everyone was screaming how to pronounce it and dan made everyone be quiet and squealed "wAIT. just one person" LMAO and then the one time phil said a name right and everyone cheered for him

- dan would happily become an amazing dancer even if it meant phil would wake up with 2 left hands and 2 left feet because he says it wouldn’t make a difference in phils life bc hes that clumsy now it’d probably be the same with 2 left feet.

- phil would save dan from being bitten by a vampire even though it would mean that buffy the vampire slayer never existed. they talked about how the vampire could bite him and he could live forever as a vampire and phil said he would bring him bloody treats (then dan referenced to before when phil was x-rated lester*) and said "what kind of bloody treats?? omg it would be beyonce he killed beyonce and will feed me her corpse" then said "no what if they just want me dead" and then phil decided to save him.

- dan thinks this phil without the fringe is an impostor and he killed the real phil. he screamed a couple of times throughout the show to ask where the real phils body was and said will get him to confess eventually.

- "are you really just a lizard in a phil suit..because that would explain a lot" phil is a scalie confirmed.

- phil constantly squatting/slut dropping to the buzzer sound effect

- i cant remember the context but phil said something about him having layers and dan stopped and said “layers?? are you shrek? what do you think this is, shrek the musical?”

- phil had to say dans biggest fear and he said moths, and it was wrong so he got an electric shock and dan said "wHAT NO! ok right i have this thing where i hate anything underwater. like imagine you’re in the sea, what are you scared of? sharks? woop no, whales? no. but there’s a boat and beside the boat there’s a buoy and attached to that is sLIMEY CHAIN. EW NO. i’ve got submechanophobia. (i googled it i think that’s what he said idk) so its not moths, phil you know that!!"

in the deep chat bit:

-they talked about phobias. someone submitted saying she had a phobia of balloons and asked if she was weird and asked what they’re scared off. phil said "no you’re not weird. everyone has their fears. whats yours dan" and dan said "as we discussed before, things underwater, slimey things! uHH. but yeah i get that, its the anticipation of when its gonna pop and that’s stressful" and asked phil what his was and said "i’ve always had a thing where i was scared of the deep sea ever since i was a kid. also, not that its really a phobia but, horses. i don’t like them i don’t trust their intentions. like imagine waking up one day to a horse in your bedroom" lol

- they talked about procrastination. talked about how changing your environment, like "doing a very not dan and phil thing" and going for a walk (dan squealed at the thought) could help distract your mind, getting some fresh air and then going back to your work with a different mindset. then talked about how phil has the need to reward himself when he does something and said that he always says to himself that if he finishes a certain task that he will reward himself with a marshmallow. and then said that if you reward yourself with something that it could motivate you to finishing whatever you’re putting off. dan said phil is using the example of a marshmallow but that he really does this and that he tells dan not to let him have the marshmallows until he finishes whatever he needs to do. dan then said that even if your procrastinating school work or whatever to just write the first word, or try writing a few sentences bc atleast you’ve started it and if you start writing that you could get into the mindset and keep writing until you finish.

- they talked about making a youtube channel. someone submitted that he has started a youtube channel about reptiles and if they had any tips. and dan said "omg stephen. phil is probably already subscribed" lmao. phil praised him for starting a channel about something he is interested in and how its bad to start a channel just for the views and the subscribers. then said that instead of talking about what hes going to do, he should "just do it, show us that lizard" and dan said "yeah dont start off like "hi, so my name is [stephen], nice to meet you. ive always wanted to make videos about reptiles but i never rea-" lmao

- phil saying bitch in his disstrack oh my god

- the song at the end: "hey buddy can you give me some editing tips"

- when dan was playing the piano and phil was singing and said that even though they’ve been friends for so long they’ve never fallen out and then starting listing things they could fall out over eg. phils dying houseplants, how dan never goes outside, phils vision is blurry and dans a furry.

- for the most inaccurate prediction of interactive introverts someone submitted "2 hours of dan and phil twerking to the teletubbies theme tune" and then dan proceeded to twerk whilst singing it and saying the teletubbies names..

- d: "its basically two oscars tied together" p: "oh and they’re naked, look at those butts" d: "wow statues of two naked men tied together may not be the best thing to have when its meant to represent us"

there were some really soft things they said at the start and the end, and how we were there bc were happy(?) (i dont remember the exact context or quote but it was something like that, all i mind is that it was v sweet) and idk i just love them omg it was the best night!!

#ii spoilers #interactive introverts #ii belfast #dan #phil #phan #dan and phil

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seasonofthegeek · 7 years ago

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Ninette Week, Day 6: First Kiss

Days 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6:

“How dare you, girl?!”

Marinette froze at the door, her keys still wedged into the lock as Alya’s laughter floated down the hall.

“She didn’t mean it, Alya. Obviously you’re the fox’s socks.” Adrien’s voice interjected, full of humor.

Marinette heard herself chime in. “Is that Rena’s version of the bee’s knees?” She followed the voices down the hall to her old bedroom. Nino was sitting at his desk, watching a video on the new computer monitor he’d gotten.

He turned in the desk chair, wiping at his red eyes. “Hey,” he said hoarsely, reaching back to pause the video.

“Hey.” She crossed the room and stood by his chair. He pulled her down onto his lap and hugged her tight.

“I was hooking everything up and wanted to test it with video so I pulled one over from my phone.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize it would affect me so much today.”

“This is when you got that new phone that was almost as big as a tablet, isn’t it? You were recording everything for like a week.”

He chuckled softly, holding her close. “Yeah, Alya hid it for a few day when I wouldn’t stop.”

The screen was paused on Adrien’s face caught in a half-smile. “It’s going to be a year next Thursday.”

“Do you want to do something?”

“Like what?”

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “Maybe we could go out to dinner? Turn it into a celebration of getting to have them in our lives even for a little while?”

“Because if we stay here, we might end up having a rough night,” Marinette nodded, catching his drift.

“Maybe.”

“I think dinner out would be nice. Maybe we can come back and watch more videos.”

“We can see how we’re feeling.”

Marinette kissed the top of his head. “Okay.”

______________________________

Nino brandished a forkful of salad. “To be fair, Adrien really was a great wingman at the zoo that day. He was determined to get us together.”

Marinette laughed. “Alya was so mad at me when I said I would set you guys up.”

“And then you locked us in a cage for hours.”

“Hey, Otis proved to be a difficult akuma.” She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip. “It’s all a little crazy to think about, isn’t it? If something had happened between us that day, our lives would’ve been completely different.”

“Yeah, and now you could be sitting here with Adrien instead of me.” Nino frowned as he finished speaking. “Sorry, that sounded better before it actually came out.”

“We don’t have to pretend like we haven’t thought about it,” she replied carefully, chasing a crouton with her fork. “I’m sure you wished I was Alya before.”

“Yeah, I won’t deny that.”

“And yeah, I hoped Adrien was the one who came through with me.” Marinette’s brows furrowed as her appetite dwindled. “It would’ve been easier in some ways.”

“True.”

“But I would’ve never know what it’s like to be with you if he had and sometimes I don’t know what to do with that feeling because what he and I had meant everything to me, but what you and I have also means everything to me.”

“I don’t think they have to be exclusive. That’s a really good way to describe it actually. I don’t think of our relationship as better or worse than what I had with Alya. It’s just different and I think that’s okay.”

Marinette nodded and played with her salad. “Do you wonder if they maybe found comfort in each other like we did?”

“Yeah, I love and hate the thought of it.”

She smiled. “I’m glad it’s not just me then.”

“Did you know Adrien called me after your first kiss?”

“He did?”

Nino grinned and nodded, sitting back in his chair. “He babbled for like ten minutes straight until I gathered what had happened.”

“That was the night we told each other who we were too. Big night.”

“Yeah.”

“Alya totally held out on me with your first kiss. She didn’t tell me for like a week!”

“That sounds like her.”

“She said she was still feeling out the waters,” Marinette rolled her eyes. “As if she wasn’t completely smitten with you.

“I think we’re all dorks.”

“I think you’re right.” ______________________________

“I can’t do the videos.” Marinette stood in the bathroom doorway with her pajamas tucked in her arm. “I kept thinking I could if I waited a little later into the night but I don’t have it in me.”

“That’s okay, Mari. Is it going to bother you if I do?” Nino asked, dropping his shirt in the hamper. “I can keep the volume low and close the door.”

“Of course not. Do whatever you need to. I’ll be here when you get done.” She sent him a fond smile and slipped into the bathroom.

Tears began to fill her eyes as she stared at her reflection so she made herself concentrate on undressing. Dinner had been delicious and it felt good to be honest about things with Nino. She didn’t want to hide her feelings from him but she felt like she needed to mourn in peace for a few moments. She’d accepted their new life, even grown to love parts of it, especially the Nino parts, but it was still hard. There was no reason to pretend it wasn’t.

She carefully washed the makeup from her face. She wiped a toner on her skin and enjoyed the light sting. She brushed her teeth and remembered the way Adrien would try to get her to talk to him when she was foaming at the mouth with toothpaste. She finished her nightly ritual and sat down in the corner of the bathroom on the fluffy gray mat and cried. ______________________________

“Are you okay?” Nino asked softly when Marinette finally crawled into bed.

“I am,” she nodded, immediately curling into his side. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” He kissed her forehead. “I think we needed that.”

“Mmhmm.”

“To be honest, I could only get through one of the videos. Everything felt fresh again tonight.”

“I think tomorrow will be easier.”

“The start of Year Two.”

Marinette wrapped her arm around his middle and snuggled closer. “It’s bizarre to think about, isn’t it? We’ve been here so long now.”

“It hurts my head to think about sometimes.”

“Mine too.”

“We never celebrated our birthdays.”

Marinette blinked in surprise. “I…I didn’t even realize.”

“That was the video I watched, Alya’s not-actually-a-surprise surprise party. I remember being so sure we had pulled one over on her.”

“We were delusional,” Marinette smiled. “So our goal this year should be to celebrate at least four days.”

“Which days?”

“Well, we need to make up for our birthdays obviously so that’s two.”

“Okay.”

“And then this day to remember everyone we had to leave behind.”

“Right.”

“And then the day we decided to be enough for each other,” she added shyly, pressing a kiss to his chest.

There was a pause and then Marinette heard Nino’s heartbeat speed up against her ear.

“I love you,” he said, voice rushed. “Sorry that was sudden. I’ve been wanting to say it and it’s okay if—“

“I love you too.” ______________________________

“Okay, Mari, we’re agreeing on one small dog, right?” Nino squeezed her hand as they neared the animal shelter entrance.

“Yeah, one small dog. That’s really all we have room for in the apartment,” she nodded.

“So no matter what else we see in there, no matter how many animals need homes, we’re just looking for one small dog.”

“You know, I am actually an adult who can make wise decisions,” she rebutted, quirking an eyebrow.

“I’m not doubting your usual wisdom, sweetheart, but I’ve seen you around enough animals to know that lovely wisdom usually takes a break when there is a lot of fluffy cuteness around.”

“Rude.”

He grinned and raised their joined hands to his lips for a quick kiss before opening the door for her. ______________________________

“Okay, I know what we agreed on, but hear me out,” Marinette began.

“One small dog,” Nino reminded her.

“But when we’re both at work, he might get lonely.” Marinette cuddled the tan puppy close to her chest.

“This little guy is actually already adopted,” a volunteer said gently. “He’s just waiting on his surgery. We don’t have any available puppies right now.”

“Oh,” Marinette frowned. “What about grown dogs?”

“Sure, follow me.” He took the puppy from her and set it back in the pen and waved a hand. Marinette glanced back toward Nino and they set off after the shelter volunteer. As soon as the door opened, dogs began to bark and jump for attention. “Just let me know if you guys need any help.”

Marinette and Nino slowly made their way down the line of kennels. “These are all a little bigger than I was thinking.”

“Yeah, I was wanting to start smaller for our first pet. Get our feet wet first? I feel kinda guilty now though.”

“I know what you mean. All of these sweet puppers need homes too.”

“How’s it going, guys?”

Nino turned to the volunteer. “I’m not sure any of these are the right fit for us unfortunately.”

Marinette made a small helpless noise, looking back at the kennels.

“Are you guys only interested in dogs? If it is an issue of space, cats do really well in apartments.”

“No, I don’t think—“

“Can we see the cats?” Marinette asked, biting her lip.

Nino turned to her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “We can at least look.”

“Cats or kittens?” the volunteer asked.

“Cats, I think,” Marinette answered, falling into step behind him. ______________________________

“This can’t be real.”

Nino and Marinette stared at the black cat with bright green eyes and he stared right back at them.

“Are you guy interested in Adrien?” Another volunteer was in the cat room and joined them by the cage. “He’s such a sweetheart. I can get him out if you want.”

Marinette took a hesitant step away from the cage. “I’m not sure.”

“I was about to get him out to play anyway so you guys can watch if you’d like.”

Nino pulled Marinette against his chest as they watched the volunteer open the cage and coax the cat out. He kept his eyes on them but allowed her to pick him up and set him on the floor.

“Let’s see, who should you play with today?” The volunteer walked down the line of cages and poked her fingers into one. “What do you think, Alya? Want some time out?”

“I’m sorry. We have to go,” Marinette said quickly, pulling Nino with her. They didn’t speak until they reached the bus stop. “What was that?” she asked, voice strained.

“Very bad luck, I think,” Nino sighed. “The weirdest luck ever.”

“How is it possible there were two adoptable cats with their names?”

“I think maybe we should hold off on a pet.”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

They at on the bench and waited.

“I wonder if they were friends.”

Nino glanced over at his girlfriend. “What?”

“Well, if the volunteer was getting them out to play together, they’re probably friends, right?”

“I mean, I guess…if cats are friends with each other.”

“What if they don’t get adopted together? What if they get split up and never see each other again?”

“Mari…”

She stood. “We have to go back and get them.”

“Marinette, hang on a second.”

“No, we need to go now, Nino.” She tugged on his arm. “Someone might be trying to split them up. They need us.”

“Listen, I think we need to go home and think this over and—“

“Please,” she begged, voice breaking. “Please, Nino, we need to bring them home with us.”

He let her pull him up and they began the trek back to the shelter. “We don’t have any cat stuff.”

“We don’t have dog stuff either. We’ll buy what we need.”

“Are you sure this isn’t going to be too much for you? It’s weird. You have to admit it’s weird,” he said.

“I know, but…maybe it’s a sign, you know? We can save them here.”

He studied her for a moment as they walked and finally nodded. “Okay.”

Buy me a cherry coke?

#ninette week #Not Only You #ninette #nino lahiffe #marinette dupain-cheng #oops I drabbled again

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