#i am accepting feedback for the chart

[kdsburneraccount]

happy gameday to the falcons if they make the playoffs i will draw penix with more effort 😐👍

fake yuri (nba genderbend) under the cut 🧍

[schtrawberry]

[3] personal astrology observations

[!] this is mostly an introspective view into my chart; in no way, shape, or form am i saying that any of this is fact or set in stone, nor am i saying that i am a professional astrologer. these are just presences that exist within my chart that i've felt manifest themselves in real life. simply put, take what resonates and leave what doesn't :)

— the observation that venus in the 9th house and sagittarius mars natives are far more likely to be attracted to foreigners and/or meet their future partner/s in a foreign country is true!

[nothing, just felt like confirming, esp as someone w both these placements 🤭 like, i honestly am more likely to be approached (in a romantic setting) by a foreigner both in-person and online!]

═ sun square neptune is the aspect of daydreamers. they're always thinking about an idealized version of the future or dwelling on the past. rarely do they ever think in the present. it is often easier for them to drift off into a daze either thinking about what could have been or everything that could be.

☰ chiron in fifth house indicates pain associated with creative passions and self-expression. one may have had negative experiences that have led them to feel insecure about these aspects of life; thus leading them to distance themselves from openly expressing themselves creatively. they may take great care to keep their works of art private, tone down certain parts of their personality, and may even feel ashamed to explain themselves when others ask them about certain aspects of their creative and self-expression because of negative feedback they could have gotten in the past.

but with such pain comes empathy and understanding. once developed, these natives are the first to take notice and are the fastest to lend a sensitive ear as well as a supportive hand as soon as they see others going through the same struggle.

☱ sun-lilith in harsh aspects might have been told to cover up more by both peers and grown-ups, even when wearing "acceptable" clothing when they were kids. this placement can indicate an individual that was more sexualized from a young age, which can lead to them either being hypersexual or overly-reserved sexually in adulthood.

☲ lilith in the seventh house can indicate an individual that struggles to commit and open up about who they are to their partner/s. people with lilith in this house may have had bad experiences with marriage (perhaps witnessing bad divorces or tumultuous long-term relationships between their parents) and therefore might be turned off by the thought of marriage and/or long-term partnerships.

and though this doesn't mean that the native will be a lone soul forever, it does make one more likely to have these sort of relationships at a significantly older age in comparison to other signs.

[tw: mention of domestic violence in my personal experience, i have witnessed my parents go through an incredibly bad separation (tons of emotional abuse, infidelity, and a situation actually involving domestic violence) which has honestly made me quite hesitant to get married, even as i approach my mid-20s.]

☴ the cancer rising urge to cry when someone you care about is crying or in distress in general.

☳ a few asteroid notes:

note: asteroids are less impactful to one's personality, physicality, etc. compared to personal planets. they tend to only be relevant to one's chart if they are either in a tight orb (0-1°) or have major aspects to personal planets, preferably conjunctions or oppositions.

✢ messalina (545) known as the most promiscuous woman in rome, empress messalina is still recognized today as a symbol of uncontrolled, violent, irrational, and impulsive behavior. this asteroid reminds me very much of lilith in that it is representative of dark feminine energy and having this prominent in one's chart can be indicative of an individual that is not afraid to use their sexuality to their advantage or to create harm unto others in different aspects of their lives, but especially in terms of romantic and sexual relationships.

✢ anagolay (3757) is an potentially hazardous asteroid named after anagolay, the tagalog goddess of lost things and the daughter of the hermaphroditic goddess of seasons, lakapati. she is culturally-recognized for her ability to find not only physical objects but also abstract possessions like lost opportunities and faded memories. having this prominent in one's chart can suggest an individual that is very in-tune with cycle of nature and the subsequent passage of time. they may be more sensitive to bouts of nostalgia where they dwell on things that could have been and the way that things were. may also just indicate a person that is hypersensitive to losing physical things, though.

[`] film: go (2001) dir. isao yukisada

last / next

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Wicked Games 6

Warnings: non/dubcon, cheating, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Steve Rogers

Summary: you had a one night stand. Or did you?

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

The clinic waiting room reflects the silent turmoil of your existence. You sit in the rigid plastic chairs and stare at the wall. Your mouth still tastes of bile. Only minutes ago, you were in the bathroom, spewing up your guts. It’s as if you’re own body is trying to convince you of reality. You don’t need this test, idiot, you’re fucked. 

When your name is called, you follow the dour nurse to a room. She goes over your chart and your reason for coming. She puts the clipboard in the plastic pocket mounted on the door and shuts it behind her as she goes. 

The doctor is thirty minutes behind. She gets you a stick to pee on and takes blood to send to the lab. The first test comes back positive but the second will take longer to process. It doesn’t matter. It’s really just repeating what you don’t want to hear. You are pregnant. 

The detached treatment has you feeling even more dejected. You’re given a stack of literature at the front desk before you go. You toss it in the bin by the building entrance and trod on.  

It isn’t just the child, it’s the father. You know deep down it can’t be your husband’s. It’s been too long since you... did that. As much as you want to lie to yourself, you can’t. All that’s done so far is dig the hole deeper. 

So, you don’t have much of a choice. You can’t afford it. Not financially, physically, or emotionally. An innocent child doesn’t deserve to be dragged into the mess you’ve made. 

First, you need to leave. You already have a plan. You’re packing your bags as soon as you get home. Wendy said you can crash for a while. You’ll have to figure it from her couch. Once you’re settled, you’ll go to another clinic and do what needs to be done. 

It isn’t the baby. Your marriage was already over. It just hurts. It’s not acceptance, it’s giving up. You can’t fix this. You tried so hard and it just didn’t work. The wasted time if worse than the wasted effort. 

A car honks but you barely notice. There's always someone raging in the streets. It comes again, shorter than before, and an engine whirs up to the curb, sliding in between two parked cars. The silver paint glares in your vision. 

“Hey,” the window rolls down, “how’d it go?” 

You stagger and face Steve Rogers as he hooks his elbow over the open window. You shake your head, “Excuse me?” 

“I was right.” He says. It’s just a fact, not smug. Just a statement. 

“Stop. Please. Leave me alone. I told you--” 

“You can’t run away from me.” He clicks free his seat belt and opens his car door. Before he can get out, you’re on the move. He catches up to your easily. “It’s mine.” 

You splay your fingers in frustration and keep walking. Please, just go. “No, I’m married. It’s up to me and my husband.” 

“I know you haven’t been fucking him.” His language has you skidding to a stop. You turn to him, aghast. “I can smell it. For a few days after.” 

“It would be more than a few days ago,” you snap. 

He scoffs, “yeah, it would be.” He stares at you and your heart flips.

“Have you—have you been following me?” 

He doesn’t answer, just looks back at you. He doesn’t need to say it. You know. 

“How long?” You hiss. 

“Look, that night...” he begins. 

“No. That night nothing! It’s over. One night and it’s not going to be the rest of my life. Alright?” 

“I’ll take care of you and the baby. Your husband won’t be happy to know that you and I--” 

“He’s not going to know, Captain.” You snarl. “He can’t know. Alright? This is a mistake but it can be undone. Got it? So go and live your superhero life while I scrape the barrel.” 

“You’re going to leave him anyways so why are you doing this?” He asks. His tone is so fucking annoying. As if it’s all so easy. 

“How do you—oh my god, oh my god. Please, back off.” You put your hands up and take a step back. 

“You can’t just get rid of my baby,” he follows you as you fall back into step. 

“Go.” 

“No, I won’t let you.” 

“I’m begging you--” 

“Just like you did that night. I know you didn’t forget.” He grabs your arm and pulls you around to face him. “You can’t. It was the best night of my life and you just disappeared. I can’t let you go again.” 

“Let go of me,” you wriggle in his grasp. 

“I’m trying to help you. I’m telling you that you don’t need to do all this. I can help with the baby. Please.” 

You stare up at him defiantly and tear away from him, “I don’t need you to save me. That was my first mistake. Thinking that a man could ever do that.” 

You turn and stomp away. He calls your name but you keep going. You can’t look back. You’re terrified. Deep down you know if he doesn’t follow you then, he will find you later. This whole time he’s been playing your shadow and you never even knew it. 

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Ok, a lot of trans guys are into historic clothing, so my notes on my Siegfried Farnon cosplay will be through that lens.

Buying vintage is tricky because clothing silhouettes are different from modern (especially where trousers sit), and a shop may or may not do vanity sizing. So, it's important to know all your measurements, have measurements of similar garments that fit well, to carefully read sizing charts, and to be able to experiment on fit (aka, be able to return stuff).

I bought 3 "new vintage" (reproduction) 100% cotton spearpoint collar shirts from Darcy Clothing. Shipping from the UK to US was fast. The green shirt is ironically not for Siegfried, because I already was on a mission to have more historic style clothing.

I am a size men's small in casual shirts, due to narrow shoulders and a 36" chest. However, I am a 14.25" neck (compared to barely 13" pre-T, which is a big change), which nudges me towards men's medium territory sometimes.

I ordered based on my neck size, a 14.5" in this case. (Darcy suggests adding .5" to your neck measurement. I erred on the smaller side because a 15" collar shirt is guaranteed to be enormous on me.)

Other stats: I am 5'10" and weigh about 160-5 lbs, with most my fat in my belly (so I can't wear slim cut shirts unless I drop about 10 lbs). Usual caveats that my fit feedback is mainly for my sizing, ymmv. Fits are straight out of the bag for this photo set - no ironing, I have a lot of meetings today. 😅

Notes:

The neck is snug only on the green shirt, perhaps because the fabric is slightly thicker, or just due to standard deviation. The white shirts fit great in the neck.

Shoulder seam sits somewhere between a modern small and medium. This is acceptable; the next neck size up would definitely result in a hugely baggy shirt for me, and going down a neck size would choke me.

Sleeves are typical for many trans guys -- too long. I am hoping sleeve garters will do the trick in pulling up the cuff properly on my wrist.

Fit across the chest is a bit too large for me. I would hesitate to wear this shirt without a waistcoat, but it's also a fit that could be improved with an after-market dart.

Fit across the belly is roomier than the chest - this is a boxy shirt.

Super long shirt, no danger of it untucking, even in modern hip-hugger pants (why would you do that)

Fabric is a good weight and tight weave for the green shirt. I am wearing a dark blue undershirt in these pics. The white shirts are a bit thinner - you can see the design on my undershirt, so if you bind, definitely go with a light colored binder under a white undershirt.

So, for my measurements, Darcy is pretty good! I will still struggle with many of the same fit frustrations I do in modern clothing, but have acceptable workarounds.

Next, will look at a new vintage suit from another vendor, from which I'm considering ordering Siegfried's tweed 3-piece.

[botanicalsword]

What does your Solar Return Chart look like?

I just wanted to check in and jot down some personal observations notes for my Solar Return chart.

How are you feeling so far? ♡

❥❥❥❥

Instagram : @le.sinex

♡̆̈

Self-love is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Embrace the process and be kind to yourself.

ʕ·͡ˑ·ཻʔ♥︎

Venus in 1H - I used to place a strong focus on my appearance, constantly checking myself in the mirror. However, this was not due to an obsession with my own body. Instead, I checked for any transformative changes in order to feel more confident and beautiful.

North Node in 1H - Improve overall well-being and learning to love and accept yourself for who you are. By focusing on your own personal growth and development, you can cultivate a sense of self-love that will radiate outwards and positively impact all areas of your life.

Jupiter in 6H - I was making a career change or upgrading my skills, I aim to learn new things and challenge myself. Seeking out mentors can provide valuable guidance and support as I navigate my new career path.

Sun in 12H - Personality transitions: I have been craving more knowledge and wisdom from books and online resources. However, I feel that there is not enough time to absorb all of this knowledge. As a result, I am searching for more channels to obtain the information I seek.

Moon in 1H - I was in a state of longing for something new and exciting to come into my life; a desire for recognition and the opportunity to make a name for myself. I had been feeling restless and unsure for a while, but determined to make a change. I was craving something different and wanted to reach my goals, but wasn't sure how.

Chiron in 12H - I was struggling with substance abuse, which had been affecting my daily life for quite some time. I knew that I needed to seek help for my mental health issues, which were related to trauma that I had experienced in the past. I understood that this was going to be a challenging journey, but I was determined to take the necessary steps to improve my well-being.

12H stellium - I stayed in a lot and enjoyed my own solitude, detoxing from social media and even taking a break from my network connections. Read a lot of spiritually oriented and self-help books.

Moon in 12H - My depression was a terrifying experience. I felt trapped in hopelessness and despair. The sadness and emptiness were unrelenting, and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Coping was a struggle, and at times, the darkness consumed me. It was difficult, but I am grateful for the lessons and strength gained.

Pluto in 10H - Struggle to work: too much distractions When become interested in learning about a subject or a new way of organizing information, may experience an intense focus and drive to learn.

Saturn/Moon aspect - I was more sensitive to feedback from teachers or people you admire and respect. I attempted to draw a line to limit myself.

Venus/Saturn aspect - I need to reevaluate my core values in order to better determine how to invest my time and energy in others, including potentially cutting off unnecessary relationships.

Ascendent in Libra - delighted to be surrounded by friends who respect each other's personal space, which makes for a great social circle.

North node/MC aspect - I was experiencing some difficulties with working on publicity and reputation. My lack of experience is making it difficult to develop an effective strategy for promoting my brand and building a positive reputation.

Mars trine moon - experiencing positive outcomes and making progress towards your goals - have the added benefit of feeling emotionally supported by the important people in your life such as friends, family, and colleagues.

❥❥❥❥

This is just my personal take from what I've seen and been through.

Masterlist @botanicalsword

[moonbewitched]

✰ ✰ ✰ "shar will never admit defeat."

hello everyone! my name is val, im 23 y/o, & i use she/her. i am ♒︎ sun, ♋︎ moon, and ♍︎ rising.

i started this blog as a means to publicize my continuing studies of western/vedic astrology, numerology, the destiny matrix, tarot/brujeria, & more!

i am, by no means, a professionally-accredited astrologer or an expert practitioner. please do not take everything posted here as 100% fact as i am still learning every day, as many of us are. i absolutely accept & encourage constructive criticism/feedback on my posts. if you also have any resources to share with me, i would love that too! i intend for my blog to mainly serve as a hub for all of the information posted by you wonderful people, as i want everyone to learn with me! :)

: ̗̀➛ NOTE: most of my content (initially) consists of observations experienced firsthand, or by those close to me. 18+, minors dni. ASK BOX IS currently OPEN for any questions.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS

— tba

LUNAR/SOLAR/OTHER RETURN CHARTS

— tba

PERSONA CHARTS

— tba

RELATIONSHIPS/SPOUSE

— tba

SYNASTRY/COMPOSITE/DAVISON

— tba

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

MORE LINKS TO BE ADDED.

[torialefay]

Hi, Torie? Or may I call you Fairy because you did swoop into my life like an angel, hehe.

Please call me Ree if you wish, but as my username? ID? nick? (sorry I'm very new to this platform) suggests I am indeed a balding brown lady and I turned 29 this Jan.

I've been lurkin' around tumblr for about 3 days now, and consuming whole astrology posts, predictions, analyses, ff, etc on Bang Chan (the Majestic) because, well, I'm delulu. Before anything else, I'd like to plainly state I LOVE the way you arrange your synopses. They're beautifully detailed, categorized, summarized as well as described under each of his placements and houses, and to an astrology enthusiast but noob like me, it helps SO much. I'd also like to thank you, simply for the effort you put in for making amazing, relatable content like this. You're a Fay indeed!

And so, I seek to feed my delusions further by requesting a compatibility analysis with none other than the operator of these delusions, Mr. Bahng of SKZ himself.

I'll be attaching herein as much information as I can provide, I hope this helps.

I'd also like to add that I don't want to rush you, like at all. I can feed myself with the other contents of your blog in the meanwhile, so please take up this request as you please, when you please.

And oh! Thank you for creating this space for people like me who are proclaimed "too old" to be crushing on idols and celebs. I think you're about 4 years younger than me, but the openness and acceptance of astro-Stays always amazes and enchants me. Thank you for being the way you are!! <3

Anyways, I'm sorry about the huge rambling, I went for longer than intended, hehe. And I wish you happiness, health, love, abundance and prosperity. May you flourish, Fay!

And thank you, once again!

hi ree! why are you so cute?! your comments got me blushing over here 🤭 you are just the sweetest thing! i appreciate all of your kind words and feedback soooo much! it fuels me to write more & more <3

also, you are definitely not "too old." i always say life doesn't start until your thirties anyway hehe. AND if it makes you feel any better with hair stuff, i've definitely already got a few grays. i'm right behind ya ❤️

if you're new to astrology, i'd recommend going through my "Bangchan As Your Boyfriend" astrology series if you haven't already. i go more in depth with some of those. but if you ever have specific questions regarding chan's chart, please feel free to message or inbox me any time <333

NOW, for your reading hehe:

your ascendant and mercury in aquarius (1st house):

with these placements, i already know that you are super fun and unique. definitely a "march to the beat of your own drum" kind of person. aquarians are already very cerebral by nature, getting lost in their own heads and focusing on abstract thinking. your your SPECIFIC planets found here are super beneficial to have (in my opinion) and here's why:

the first house, in general, is who you come across as. so obviously you have your ascendant in aquarius here, BUT you also have mercury in the first house. mercury is all about how you communicate with others. SO, putting all of this together, you likely come across as someone who has their own unique interests and is very good at talking about them. people probably think you are actually a very good communicator, albeit in your own way. aquarians tend to make mental connections that others don't, so sometimes you may feel frustrated when you meet someone and they just don't seem to "get it." or maybe they aren't able to get very engaged in the conversation, which is understandable because your mind probably works in ways that others' don't. this is an awesome placement though since likely (as long as you feel comfortable to talk with that person), they will find you very interesting!

this is actually a great match with chan. chan's ascendant is in gemini, and his mercury is in libra. both of these are air signs, the same as aquarius. what all air signs have in common is their "cerebral" nature. they love good, mentally stimulating conversation. NOW, connect that with the actual aspects of personality that we are talking about (first impressions and communication), and BOOM, recipe to immediate connection. you'd be able to talk to each other about anything any everything. i think you'd probably keep chan on his toes a bit too.

your sun in aquarius in the 12th house:

we've already discussed aquarius, so i won't beat a dead horse there. sun is all about personality around others- the way you present yourself to friends. and the 12th house represents spirituality, the occult, healing and closure, the afterlife, etc etc. i always associate 12th house energy with astrology actually, so i'm glad you've made it here 🫶���� and tbh, it's *literally in your stars for your personality to be attracted to it!

with this placement, you probably seem like someone who, again, has their own ways of thinking, but you seem as though you're peaceful about it. like at the end of the day, you are who you are and you're unbothered. unapologetically yourself is definitely the best version of you to grow into if you aren't there already!

i think this is also a good match for chan's libra sun. neither of the signs are innately controversial and usually get along well with anyone. i think it would make for a pretty harmonious relationship.

your moon in scorpio in the 9th house:

moons give us insight into who we are at the core. our deepest values and beliefs. yours lies in the 9th house, which is all about travel, wisdom and learning, cultures, and philosophy. scorpio is the sign of deep rooted connection, beauty, and intensity. so let's put all of this together. at your core, you are probably very driven or inspired by the world around you. your interests aren't limited to the things around you, but to everything in the world. you likely feel a deep need for travel and cultural connection. not only this, but you find beauty in each person from these different cultures AND you yearn for world-wide connectivity. definitely the "all i want is world peace" type. that isn't to say that you're naive about it, but in an ideal world, you see its inherent value.

as far as moon compatibilities with chan, i think this could work. i don't see it going overwhelmingly in one direction or the other. what i will say: your scorpio moon is much more intense than chan's libra moon. it isn't that it's your intention, but at your baseline, you can be verrrrry passionate about things. but more in an "idgaf" way than chan. it also means that it's gonna be much easier for YOU to share emotions than it is for him. and with that scorpio moon, you are definitely NOT gonna be happy when in a relationship with a partner who doesn't share those "hidden" parts of themselves. i think it would take some work here, but once you learn to trust each other, you would both fill each others' needs emotionally.

your venus in sag in the 10th house:

with this placement, it's likely that you love your people fiercely and that is shown through your actions. you're also probably very deeeeeply loyal to those you love, and that translates into relationships as well. it also means that you like to have fun in relationships and live them up to the fullest, which potential partners see when they meet you (through that 10th house energy)!

chan's venus is in scorpio, a water sign. and yours is in sag, a fire sign. a lot of people will tell you that "ahh water and fire don't mix" etc etc. but i wholeheartedly disagree. both signs represent the extremes when it comes to passion, just how they show it can be a bit different. both scorpio and sag are super full of passion and intensity in the bedroom and in relationships in general. the difference between you and chan would mainly be in the balance of fun & lighthearted love VS all encompassing, devotional love. you may feel sometimes like chan is being too controlling or is "suffocating" you in a way, and he may come to feel like you get flighty on him sometimes (maybe you go back and forth between what you do and don't want). BUT i still think that with balance and time, these placements can actually be ideal. it definitely makes for a fun and well-rounded romance. (i want to add though that if someone if going to have to defer more, i see you deferring more to chan. sag is a mutable sign, so you're likely to be more flexible).

*also wanting to add too that it is likely that whoever you are with (partner wise) will likely very much be tied to how people perceive you. idk just felt like adding that in there hehe

your mars in leo in the 7th house:

mars shows action and aggression. leo represents individuality and confidence. 7th house rules relationships, marriage, and partnerships. putting all of this together with chan's mars in sag, i see a combination for some problems. both leo and sagittarius mars realllly guard their ego. like a lot. with your 7th house placement, it seems like you are likely someone who tries to protect themselves a lot when in relationships with others. chan is the same way, in regards to his ego that is. this is how i see it playing out: some big argument erupts and your reaction is to place the blame onto something/someone else (sorry but maybeeee), and then chan pops off or maybe even gets upset and storms out. it's fighting fire with fire (literally 2 fire signs here). so when things "go up in flames"... take that literally lol. this would be a reallllly big make or break.

overall though, i think there's good compatibility here! feel free to leave any feedback or lmk if you have any questions baby ❤️❤️❤️

[keen-on-euphemisms]

So here is the thing.

I think I have a major crush and apparently its mutual.

And it scares the shit out of me.

All started here, and now the only thing I can think of is writing a bigger post out of it. All feedback is appreciated as my head is a mess.

I met this guy at the party and we clicked immediately. We chatted for a week, and he came for a private lesson - I have one wonderful talent that I'm willing to share sometimes - with me. We ended up having absolutely insane night after the lesson together. And we keep meeting over the course of 3 weeks now.

I never had anything like it. First of, I never thought with the level of my fucked up personality and interests someone actually accept it and like it. Second, sexual chemistry is insane, especially for me as demisexual. And when i say insane, think of the smuttiest fanfic you ever read kind of stuff. And third, this is the first time of me meeting someone this mature in the head - never experienced this level of healthy communication.

I am scared like shit.

At times, I really have to shake my head to remind myself that this is real because the level of doubts that this is not a dream, especially for someone delulu like me, is off the charts. Maybe because, again, the healthy level of communication in all of the areas of our relationship. With my traumatic background it's astonishing to have it at all. I am terrified this is a smartly laid trap even if all the facts speak against it.

And I am terrified of fucking it up. Because I want to keep myself, my authentic self, and at the same time find healthy compromise for being with another person.

He knows of my fears, i told him, and he is willing to take it slow and wait for me to sort my head out. He is family oriented at his age, so he straight out told me that it won't be fuck buddies situation because he has confidence that it can go long way. As he said, the intensity that I feel is the same for him (and by the way, he started this talk, not me). It doesn't scare him, my sheepishness, the only thing that scares him is losing what we started to build now.

And he is leaving country for 4 months because of work. Which at one hand I want, as I need this time, and on the other hand, I already feeling sick of the perspective of not having this person close to me.

I for sure for the first time in my life experience something like this. And if you can give me your support - god knows I need it and will appreciate it.

I'm so fucked you guys. So fucked I'm on the brink of tears.

[thevirgodoll]

Hi Virgodoll! I gave a presentation today at work that I think I bombed it. Also, I noticed in the shoutout chart that no one gave me one, so I asked leadership if I could give myself a shoutout. They said yes, so I publicly gave myself one. It felt good to acknowledge myself when no one did.

No matter how much I practice, I just can’t seem to give presentations the way I see most professionals do. I end up smiling and kind making weird funny faces. It could come off as unserious, but I’m actually doing that to reduce my anxiety.

I’m a very articulate person, but I lose my train of thought and can’t seem to express myself when giving presentations via zoom. I mix up words, phrases, tenses, etc. it’s strange cause I’m a damn good writer! It also sucks cause I’m a Black woman and I don’t want people thinking idk what I’m talking about. I do good work, but struggle with presenting it via zoom.

I asked leadership what they thought of my presentation. They said I did very well. For some reason I feel like they are just being nice. I always feel like I’m talking gibberish whenever I’m giving presentations.

I worry about how I’m perceived at work and how everyone thinks I’m dumb and can’t speak properly. Arghhh!

Any words of encouragement, constructive criticism, and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

I agree, it's good to acknowledge yourself and give yourself your flowers when no one else does. Believe me, it will happen more often than you think in the academic and corporate world.

However, I think you are falling victim to upwards comparison. What good is it to look at other people at work speak when they aren't you? They're probably boring, to be honest. While you can manage your facial expressions by doing speeches in the mirror, who told you the way you exist is wrong?

When it comes to speeches and talking to people, I just treat it like a conversation and let one thought carry me to where I need to go. I appeal to the audience I am talking to and adjust based on small pieces of information I gathered from them during a lunch break or the original interview. If you focus more on the fact that they're regular people and YOU are the star of the moment, it's easier to focus. That sounds delusional, but let it be.

It's easy to say "stop worrying how others perceive you" and I think that's a load of BS to serve that to y'all. We always worry about how we are perceived. I say focus on that anxiety and worry. Ask yourself what they could possibly be noticing. Why? Because then you can hold yourself accountable and realize that such scrutiny is coming from yourself. You are building a narrative that only exists if you plant the seed and bear fruit (***with the exception of a hostile work environment. If this environment is not hostile, and I am assuming it is fine prayerfully...);

If they say you're doing fine, affirm yourself. If they say they didn't like it, still affirm yourself and know that you're already doing well by having the guts to even go up there in the first place. Some people can't even get through a basic conversation.

Why can't you accept you did well? Perfectionism? Upbringing? Have you journaled lately? All of the picking yourself apart that you just did would be best written down in a diary so you can see how hard you are on yourself.

Regarding compliments, it's tough in the professional world, especially if you are of color. Sometimes, people don't give props because they feel like your confidence emits so loud and bright that you already know you're doing well.

Just continue asking for feedback, but also, practice your speeches and fall in love with yourself. Look at yourself and ask yourself why you hate the quirks that make you you. The idiosyncrasies you possess is actually the foundation for a memorable moment and makes people want to listen to you more. That's what makes a connection, an authentic impression, and a lasting memory... not robotic AI. Trust me - I am a Virgo lol.

[bouquetface]

Hi, I'd like to participate in your astro game. My nickname Anisah, she/her. Hope I still get the opportunity 🙏

Here my chart & moodboard:

P.s: Can you read about the best career options & future spouse from my chart. Thank you so much & have a nice day!! ❤️❤️

Hello!

You likely grew up being the responsible one. You could be the eldest child. You could have parents that were sometimes unstable. Making it feel like you’re responsible for their feelings&lives.

This creates positive traits (reliable, responsible/mature) but it is a heavy burden. To deal with this, you may have become hyper independent and emotionally lonely.

Unlike your moon, your cancer venus is gentle and wishes to be nurtured. In relationships this can create internal conflict. You want to trust people and let your guard down. But you have a very hard outer shell. You can be nihilistic. In good moments, you may feel it won’t last and that something bad is going to happen. This likely has been your experience in the past. Your moon wants to protect you but it can get in the way of you fully expressing and accepting love.

Your future spouse will be very a stable person. Trusting them will be very easy. They may be a homebody. They could enjoy cooking and indulging in good foods. They like being comfortable as well. They may have expensive taste in certain items as well. This could be something like vehicles or shoes. They could collect these items. They are likely very hardworking. They have expensive taste but they do the work to be able to afford it. They may be a leader in their workplace or life in general. Physically, they may be slim and tall.

They are great communicators. They may be very sarcastic and witty. Funny person. They may enjoy reading as well. Their bad trait may be they can be very stubborn. However, this might mix well with your personality. This person is very trustworthy. Once they say something, you know they mean it. Divorce isn’t likely for this reason. Once this person has decided on something, they are fully committed to their choices.

For your career, I am only suggesting. I am not a professional and don’t want you to make choices based off this reading only.

You are likely an observant person. You pay attention details that others might overlook. This would make you a good lawyer. You are likely to reach a career position that gives you authority. You could pick a career that gives you status. You would do well in management positions as well.

Career Field Suggestions: Law, Analyst, Human Resources.

Please leave feedback 🩵

[thecrazyneographist]

Pinned post

Hi! My name is Arcee and I am a worldbuilder with a BIG interest in neography.

This blog is nothing more than a stash of ALL of my neographies that I have documented since I began doing neography by the beginning of 2022. You can view the scripts faster by using the archive.

Mainer blog is @thecrazyworldbuilder, visit it and also my other blogs, @444names, @cryptolangsguy, @schooloftieflings and @verical.

I will begin listing my neographies from the very beginning of the documented list, tagging each with the blog's tag, as well as couple more.

I have open commissions for artistic designs using my neographies, or I can create a neographic script for you!

If the project takes less than an hour to finish, you get the end result free of charge (accepting tips, you pay what you think the script is worth), longer than that depends on the amount of symbols and time spent designing the script; the standard English alphabet cipher with 26 symbols costs 30$.

On my pfp is Ahimiko, the mascot of this blog. She is an anthro canine of mixed heritage, and is a powerful symbolomancer (mage specializing in casting via projecting symbols of different kinds: the stronger the symbolism, the deeper the mysticism, and the more complex the symbol the more precise and specific is the spell she casts). Say hi! :D

Most of my scripts are purely ciphers for English. I do not care to make conlangs for every single one of them, for I enjoy the act of creation.

On creation: Some anon asked for the methods I use to create cohesive and constant-style scripts. A good post on my other blog might help, listing the methods.

NOTE THAT ALL OF MY CREATIONS ARE FREE TO USE, BUT YOU MUST CREDIT ME AS THE CREATOR/NOTIFY ME BEFORE USING THEM IN YOUR COMIC, ART, BOOK OR ANYTHING

As well - feel free to ask for assistance and guidance in usage of my scripts in DMs; Some of them lack explanation, and might be bit confusing.

And finally, please, if you like my work, spare a bit of money for my Ko-Fi.

ASK BOX RULES:

Refrain from using anonymous asks, since it cuts off the possibility of me responding more directly into your DMs if I deem them impossible to answer via post and won't be able to notify you about it, making me look rude.

You can send positive feedback - it will be stored in the bottom of this post (see below).

You can send requests for scripts, like "Futhark but more like Ogham", or "a Katakana chart inspired by Klingon". Those are free, unlike the commissions, hence I am not required to do adjustments, follow the idea 1:1, nor I am required to make them in the first place.

Don't ask for tips, guidance, or tutorials: This blog is purely an archive of my works. If you need help, go to @conlangcrab where I will answer your asks directly, just remember to address them to "Arcee", since the blog is run by two people there.

Updates on this post below:

I make neographic scripts for already existing writing systems (like Latin or Katakana) because I can't create a conlang for every single aesthetic I can come up with for a writing system.

By Ides of March, 2023, this blog has 350 distinct scripts documented, all created by me.

A pinterest user has been repeatedly stealing my works I've posted on Reddit without notifying or crediting me.

By 4/4/2023, there are over 400 scripts documented.

By 3rd of May, there are over 500 scripts documented.

By 27 of June, there are exactly 600 scripts documented.

By 7th of July, there are exactly 700 scripts documented.

By 25th of August, there are exactly 800 scripts documented.

Another pinterest user has been stealing my works from Reddit.

By 17th of October, there are exactly 900 scripts documented.

By 12th of November, there are exactly 1000 scripts documented.

By 23rd of December, there are exactly 1100 scripts documented.

By 2/10/2024, there are exactly 1200 scripts documented.

By 3/29/2024, there are exactly 1300 scripts documented.

By 6/13/2024, there are exactly 1400 scripts documented.

By 8/12/2024, there are exactly 1500 scripts documented.

By 10/29/2024, there are exactly 1600 scripts documented.

By 12/25/2024, there are exactly 1700 scripts documented.

Positive anon asks under the cut (you are encouraged to send more!)

<3

Sure thing! Thank you UwUb

Thanki ;w;b Well, I do have some WIP or UFO (never meant to be finished WIPs) conlangs, but I don't have scripts for them really. I do ciphers because they are A) Simple to make, B) Are a good display of just enough symbol styles for a demonstration of an idea, thus, a good "advertisement" for my product, which are neographies.

QoQb I will never stop indeed, as long as I can move my hands xD

In fact I answered this one, but didn't say thanks for the warm words Q~Qb

:)

Sure thing liege, all free-to-use :D

[vanillainterlude]

hello starlings!! i am now opening astrology matchup requests for fictional animanga characters! i am by no means a professional astrologer, only a hobbyist, but i will do my best to find out what character you would be most compatible with from your favorite series, or i will compare your charts with a character of your choosing and tell you how compatible you both would be.

CURRENT STATUS: CLOSED !!

WHAT FANDOMS DO YOU ACCEPT?

❥ only tokyo revengers as of right now.

WHAT TO EXPECT?

❥ you will receive 3 positive and 3 negative planetary aspect analyses and either a moodboard depicting your relationship in images OR a little sfw (or if requested, nsfw instead) drabble of you two. expect a turnaround time of 1-7 days given i am not terribly busy outside of tumblr.

HOW TO SUBMIT A MATCHUP REQUEST:

❥ send in 3 characters, an ask with your name, pronouns, birthdate (in the format DD/MM/YYYY), birth time, and birth place. all of the above information is required and this ask will not be published in addition to being deleted once your matchup is posted.

❥ specify whether you would like a matchup, or a reading for a particular character that has an official birthday.

❥ let me know if you would like a sfw or nsfw written blurb. you MUST be 18 or older to send in a request regardless of whichever drabble type you want. minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be denied and subsequently blocked. if a drabble type is not specified, i will default to sfw.

tip jar. feedback. psd template.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

I am appalled there is even a debacle over you requesting that authors receive sincere interactions from readers. I’m sure there is nothing more dehumanizing than readers and commenters sending a request or demanding a sequel like you are able generate one on command and there is not a please, a thank you, or even a conversation. Especially after pouring your energy and existence into a piece of art. I am still so grateful for ‘King For A Day’ and how much you had put into that piece of art. You brought the golden trio to life for me and they’ve always been dearest to my heart. I had always been hesitant about requesting or writing something polyamorous due to my inexperience and not feeling comfortable questioning monogamy. Knowing the type of fanfiction you write, how unapologetically comfortable you are with your identity, and your genuine drive to have a relationship with your readers made me unafraid to ask. You created something so meaningful about sexuality, sacrifice, identity, temptation, loyalty, acceptance, and love while preserving the magic and characters. That was just from a smut request! Meaningful conversations, requests, interactions, etc are not just benefiting her. If more authors received a morsel of this quality of feedback or humanity, they’d want to provide more for their readers. We have devolved from symbiosis to amensalism. What do authors get out of a few notes after spending weeks, months, or years crafting plots, conflicts, resolutions, and characters? Food for thought.

okay but discussion of King For A Day is so important when it comes to this topic. because it is such a great example fic. thank you so much for sending this message!!!

just in general thank you for everything you have said in this message, because everything you are saying is so true and makes so much sense. and I just - I need to chat about this fic in particular and everything surrounding it. people who know me will know that I bring up King For A Day so often

King For A Day was a huuuuuge spiritual awakening for me as a writer. I consider it to be a perfect fic in terms of a representation of me as an artistic and the execution of my ideas being perfect in the final product on paper

something I have not mentioned - as a kind of experiment, so far this year I have been writing down what are my top ten fics of each month (statistically) from Tumblr, and putting them on a chart. so, the ten fics that get the most notes each month (not just new ones) get noted down so I can see which fics and which fandoms do the best, and so I can see if new fics are performing well - just out of curiosity.

King For A Day has made the list a few times. and every single time I go back to the fic, the number of likes and reblogs has increased, but it always has the same 15 replies on the post. and those 15 replies are the discussion that you and I had on the fic when it first came out - and even if I don't always read through those, seeing that number brings me so much joy. because it reminds me that I made just one person really enthusiastic about the fic in order to spark a discussion about the fic

and it makes me feel like the fic was successful. I do not judge the fic's success on whether or not the likes go up - but by the fact that there was a full fledged discussion in the comments, and it made one person enthusiastic about the fic. that's it

on the other hand - I consider the AO3 comments of King For A Day to be the fucking war trenches of comments. I consider it to be like the Menacled effect (and I think that the Harry Potter fandom is one of the most tiktokified fandoms when it comes to AO3 memes and 'big' fanfics, so they are one of the most entitled fandoms, and one fandom where the culture feels so different, especially on AO3) - but the AO3 comments of King For A Day are a huuuuuge example of how not to comment on fics.

50% of the fucking comments are passive aggressive and asking me to change something about one of the main elements of the fic

'I would like to read a second chapter' - this is not a chaptered fic, this is a oneshot. so there won't be one. also you put this in like a McDonalds order, and that's not how this works?

using the word 'but' in comments like this just doesn't work. if you have to put the word 'but' in a fic comment, then you shouldn't be commenting.

this comment would be perfectly fine and normal and good if it stopped at the heart. BUT (lmao) this fucking comment lives in my mind in infamy because this person for some reason clicked on a fic that is clearly labelled as an x reader fic (written by an author whose entire account is x reader fics) and wanted me to change that main element of the fic??

and for this fic in particular - I have no fucking clue what canon character they would have wanted me to put in place of the reader character. there is no character who easily gels with the dynamic of the Golden Trio - hence, why I invented the reader character in the first place (to show someone balancing out the trio's personalities and acting like a bridge between them to mesh all of them together). like if you want this to be with a canon character - pick one, and use Word Replacer to put them in. don't fucking bother me about it.

and right now, some of you reading this post are readying your little fingers to type a message to me going:

"well you can just moderate comments! you can delete comments you don't like!!" - yes, but I still have to read comments like this.

comments don't get filtered and deleted before I even see them.

even if I delete comments like this, even if I moderate comments - I still have to read them. when people go through the thoughtless process of typing out a comment like this and hitting send, not at all thinking about how that comment will appear to the author, the author still has to read their weird demanding passive aggressive comment. even if they don't reply to it and delete it. (and I usually do reply to comments like this, because I try to politely guide people in the way of being more polite with my replies by telling them I have no plans to change the fic and no plans to make a sequel so they shouldn't ask for it.)

HOWEVER - there is a big difference to me between people commenting on a fic that is in progressing and a fic that is already finished. I have gotten all of my creative satisfaction from King For A Day. especially from the discussion that you and I had surrounding it. so those passive aggressive comments annoy me, a lot - and it makes me feel like people don't appreciate something I think is perfect and beautiful - but they don't ruin the work for me.

people commenting something like that ^^^ on a wip would ruin it for me. and it would completely dash my motivation to finish it at all

and like people have to realize that most of the fics I post are FINISHED. they are finished. so commenting on a finished fic asking for major changes or asking for a sequel where one was never intended is just a douchy thing to do. it's like if someone made a chocolate cake and brought it to a party (for free) and then you took a bite and told them that they should have vanilla cake instead. they're not gonna go back and remake the whole thing just because one person said so. or it's like saying that they should have made and brought brownies too. like nooooo

most of the time, I am posting a work that I have already gotten creative satisfaction from and I am just looking to (maybe) get a second burst of creative satisfaction (like a secondhand high) from having a discussion about it with someone. seeing people notice details in my work or having them ask me about my thought process gives me a second burst of creative energy - and that's all I'm looking for. and sometimes it gives me more ideas for those characters, or even ideas for a sequel to that work that you guys might want to read as well

otherwise, I move on to other creative pursuits, looking to get my creative high somewhere else. that's it

if anyone remembers the time I wrote You Shook Me All Night Long - discussion surrounding the fic got everyone a 20k bonus blurbs series. because people were messaging me excited to see Max get makeup lessons from the reader character and they were excited to see more about Steve and the reader's family. and I wouldn't have written it if not for people's excitement and discussion of the fic. I would have moved onto another fic right way.

I still don't get how or why people think that discussing the work with the writer is a trick when it directly benefits them because it just gets more fics for them???

because like you said - King For A Day, a fucking 22k fic, came from you randomly planting an idea in my inbox - not a request, not a demand, a seed of an idea - an idea that sparked my brain and made me so crazed that I wrote the fic within a week. and that is the kind of thing I'm looking for. people to vibe with me and help my creative vibes. and if not for you, that fic would not have existed.

that is the power of readers reaching out to writers with good intentions

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Helping Hand 7

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of divorce, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Jonathan Pine, 40s reader

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

You sit in the sterile waiting room, slouched like a guilty dog as you stare at your scuffed work shoes and cradle your arm. It feels heavier by the moment, the tenderness only growing, and a regrettable crack sounds as you try to shift it. You grunt and teethe down on your pain. Jonathan looks at you but says nothing.

It feels surreal, sitting there beside him, waiting on a doctor. This isn't how you saw your day going. But when did anything in your life go to plan? Twenty years of marriage flushed away for a younger woman and a midlife crises. Working a job meant for college students in your forties. It's all going just so spectacularly.

Your name is called before you can sink any further into self-pity. You get up but Jonathan doesn't follow. You're happy for that at least. He at least is aware of some boundaries.

It's a small office with only a few doctors. You're put in the room to wait some more and when the physician enters, she introduces herself as Dr. Marguerite Garcia. You try to smile and return her basic niceties. It's hard to focus on anything but the agony. She checks your chart and verifies your history before asking questions about your injury.

She nods and sets down her clipboard. "Do you mind if I do some tests? I'll need to feel your shoulder and move your arm."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm pretty sure it's just a pulled muscle," you explain.

"Sure, but we should make sure," she nears and you sit up.

She lifts your arm and you squeak. She moves it slowly at different angles, feeling around your shoulders and back, then along your neck. Your eyes fill with tears by the time she lets you put your arm down.

"It would appear like a torn rotator cuff. I could send you for imaging to be sure but I'm fairly certain," she grabs the chart again.

"Really? What does that mean?"

"We won't go straight to surgery. Right now, we'll start with the basics; rest, ice, and physical therapy. I will have some exercises printed out for you to do, along with a link where you can find videos. If you like, I can write a referral to a therapist." She continues as she scribbles with her pen, "I'll send you off with some painkillers as well. You seem like you need the relief."

"Oh, thank you," you smile.

"And I'll get you into a sling. Just for a few days to take some of the pressure off."

"A sling?"

"It shouldn't be too much and it'll be a reminder for you to not use that arm," she girds. "Let me just go get that script filled and I'll have the nurse come fit you."

"Sure," you accept as you look down. Great, a prescription, how much is that going to cost you? And you highly doubt they're giving the slings away for free. Just another expense, just another step backwards.

💙

You get the bottle of pills before the nurse sees you. You take one for good measure as the throbbing overwhelms every other sense. Finally with your arm confined and a pocket full of painkillers, you're free to leave the office.

As you come out into the waiting room, Jonathan stands at the counter. He tucks something into his jacket pocket as he faces you.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Um, I think I have to pay for--"

"Already done," he interjects, "better get you home so you can rest."

"You paid? You didn't have to--"

"Please, it is nothing," he waves you off, "come. I'm sure all you want to do is lay down."

He isn't wrong and you're all out of energy. You're not going to argue with another man that day. You're going to let the pills kick in and leave the world behind.

You let him lead you outside and he opens the car door for you. You're not sure it's any sort of gallant behaviour, rather practical as you are down to a single arm. You get in and awkwardly pull the seat belt across you.

He closes the door as you jam the buckle into place and sit back with a sigh. You shut your eyes. You just can't wait to be home. Alone.

You sense the shift of weight as he gets in on the driver's side. He starts the engine as you stifle a yawn behind your lips and open your eyes, a swimming wobbliness in your vision. The pills are hitting harder than you expected. Well, you hadn't eaten much, just coffee and maybe half a cracker.

"You alright?" He asks as the car rolls into motion and you open your eyes.

"Great," you grumble and let your eyelids droop as your head drifts towards the window. "Tired..."

You watch the buildings pass, other cars stopping and skimming by. You lose yourself in the lazy traffic and the dimming blueness of the sky. Your lashes sink further and further, until they meet, and that hot fuzziness coaxes them together. The pain in your shoulder dulls, barely tugging at your consciousness as it fades away.

[rosesnbooks]

Hi I am here for free natal chart reading

free ("brief") natal chart reading

hello there darling, thank you for your patience and i hope you’ll find this was worth the wait. i feel like people don’t see your complexity at first. they may find you more on the serious and ambitious side, and you’re not the easiest to approach. i think you see life in a more mature and level-headed way. but, i think you appreciate good communication and you’re more playful than you seem. you’re smart and quick-witted and like using these skills in creative outlets. you stand out in a way, and you’re not a fan of doing things the way others want you to, and honestly, good for you. you have quite an imaginative mind, hun! in regards to your emotional life, you feel things fiercely and have a quick temper. you don’t like it when anyone bosses you around and your love is deep and profound. you’d do everything for the ones you love, and they’re the only ones who know the deeper levels of your intensity. you’re able to guide your emotions in a way that helps you achieve your goals and live your life to the fullest. when others give you a chance, they see that you are warm, with a softer side. when you talk, you like to take things slow but also as honestly, and as direct. you have an attractive voice, and i think your family knows how sensible and down-to-earth you can be when you think and speak. watch out for your ego when you communicate sometimes. people like your aesthetic and appreciate your beauty. in love, you want someone sensual, knows how to enjoy things in life but is very reliable and mature when they need to be. they also need to give you lots of space and freedom and provide a friendship, as well as a relationship. you’re quite innovative and approach things differently than others. you can be stubborn and you have a strong drive to fulfill your ambitions. like i said, watch out for your temper and ego tho. you’ll have the most luck in life when you accept your intense and emotional side, and also try to be more diplomatic, and fair and find joy in the beautiful things life has to offer. you may be a big overthinker and have difficulties with stress/anxiety, but it will get easier with time. you still have some development to do in your love life, so working on yourself is important. you’ll have luck with your ambitions. also, try to appreciate forming good relations with others! they will bring you luck too. you don’t have to do things alone. there, i hope you liked this reading and i’ll be looking forward to your feedback! <3

[psychelis-new]

Hello! I want to participate in your personal readings :)

I choose personal readings.

My question is: How will you describe the personality, traits, and the placements of my first lover? (I haven’t been in a relationship since birth)

I chose this PAC: https://www.tumblr.com/psychelis-new/714765989680644096/pick-a-pile-where-are-you-in-your-healing

My feedback: I love how it resonated with me especially with the way it described how I am getting in touch with my inner child during my healing process. Also, how my mind is working fast to the point that I started journaling 2 weeks ago to channel down my thoughts. Honestly, I was not doing good within the last school years. It was just now (I am already a junior in college) that I learned to find the peace of mind that I was yearning ever since by facing my fears, and getting to know myself even more. I am not saying that I am already totally healed and happy, but I am getting there. I am finally learning to let go of control and accepting things that I have no control over. There is a part of the reading that says I have an imaginative mind, or perhaps I am writing stories. Honestly, I wanted to write a story ever since. It’s just I don’t have enough time to do it 🥹 To summarize, I am starting to worry less about certain things and learn to look at the positive light :)

Oh and by the way, I have picked this PAC since I am feeling light at the moment despite still facing challenges in life (Of course, it is a part of it) and at the same time I love the picture of the 3rd pile in this PAC! It reminds me of summer breeze or the flowers that bloomed after the rain 🤍

2 emojis: 🕊️🤍

That’s all! Thank you so much and take your time :)

Hello and thanks for joining! Also thank you for sending such an accurate feedback. Healing do takes time, and lot of compassion and kindness towards ourselves. You're doing great seen what you've told me, and I am very happy you're doing better than before. And ofc, you'll get there: take it slow for now. Move on, find a new balance (slowly) and then make another move when you feel ready. And always work with yourself, never against: you're a great team. I hope you can find time to write the story you want to, I'd really like to read it!

Anyway. Your first lover:

They could be someone pretty exuberant, in a way. May be very bold and conscious, determined, self confident and even successful in what they do or they just like to stand out from crowds (I'm getting the energy of the most handsome guy of the school/captain of the school football team in movies, someone many do like/admire/watch for some reason). I think they may seem "cocky" to some too. Kinda opposite to you, but you fit well together like you complete each other. They bring in a huge change in your life and show you about "real happiness" (I heard this). I think they'll bring you out of your comfort zone, they like to follow sudden impulses like (this may not be it but just to give you an example of the energy I get) "Get ready, let's go skydiving!" or more likely, "Let's go run in the rain, what are you scared of?". May have air in their chart, maybe Gemini and Aquarius. And some fire too, especially Aries/Sag (Leo too despite I don't feel the "attention-seeker" here, it just happens that they stand out for how they move/look... not sure if also for studies I keep focusing on sports now lol). I am not getting water signs, maybe just one earth sign like Capricorn (in 6th?) but Idk... May indeed do sports and be very active to burn the huge amount of energy they have. I think they may come in your life sooner than you think. But don't worry, it'll happen by chance. And ofc it's not that they are not nice or sweet, it's more like this "exuberant" part of them stands out more and maybe make them pretty attractive.

All the best and take care!