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m1ckeyb3rry · 4 months ago

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LMAOOO nah dw abt embarrassing me it must be done….Id rather you see it than have me send it to someone who doesn’t match my freak and have them think im insane

Omg Karasu in the lead?? Guys…….Mira you’ve fr cultivated Karasu nation LMAOO but no you’re so right I remember seeing a poll awhile ago from someone and ofc there were the fan faves like Nagi Reo Kaiser as options and I was shocked to see Karasu there?? Ofc he was dead last in the results but not unexpected ig….also BAROU THIRD GUYS!!!! Barouism rising too??

No seriously Isagi would be sooo cooked if Nagi wasn’t there….trust I know that Nagi goal in u20 is gonna make him skyrocket I’m imagining all the edits to it now LMAO

It’s just the miraverse of content….new genre it’s called “would Mira watch this?” The parallels do go hard though I wasn’t expecting to find so many LOL

HAAHA SHIDOU lowk that’d be really funny….imagine like a 200k wc fic of Shidou shenanigans and sus quotes

Maybe I’ve been too desensitized because when you said too extreme I was expecting a lot more violence LMAO you got the perfect amount though I think when you said extreme I was thinking of Shidou level oops

NO FR?? Like he’s not gonna ever take the top spot but lowk I’ve grown to appreciate him….youre so right though LOLL closeted sweetheart >>> closeted asshole bro wait the grape candy scene was so cute I forgot to mention….its so funny how he kinda just gives it to her without saying anything about it like how people would do secret deals or something but no it’s just grape candy LMAOOO

THREE bro….the aura is crazy…to the dude who wanted your insta you should’ve been like “if you buy me a $50 cupcake I’ll give it to you” /j lowk investing in a bodyguard does not sound like a bad idea tho

OOOOOOH very excited for everything….also the whole masterlist layout for the oaeu>>>>>>>> the visuals look so CLEAN omg but guys look it’s aiku on Mira’s blog!!!! I saw the poll and have not touched it like wdym I’m supposed to choose???? Let’s see if I can be decisive for once but just know I was debating between tabieitaken and barou….speaking of im kinda curious to see which idea of mine will spark inspiration first LMAO take ur time tho im being so well fed with everything in the lineup so far

Im also laughing missing the cutoff is so funny to me because (unless I didn’t read something) it’s like if you didn’t safely get something in before the impending arrival of aiku you’re in for the long ride LMAOOOO

Ok actually real time update I just put them into a random generator to pick and voted LOL because there’s no way I’m deciding in time but I needed to show some opinion somehow….ok but anyways the main point I came back for was why is Nagi tied with your vote tracking option LMFAOOOOO I’m ngl I’ve never set up a poll here what’s the purpose of that…I just know that people aren’t supposed to pick it but I’m crying why does it have more votes than otoya and yuki

- Karasu anon

HAHA okay that is fair i will def keep you posted on any future typos 🤩 honestly they add to the experience though i mean what is a translator without occasional goofs (/j but also as someone who read a 1.5 million word novel translated online from korean #orv i am very used to wading through odd phrasing to get to the heart of a story so ngl sometimes my mind just skips over typos entirely and i don’t even notice)

unfortunately karasu nation has fallen��he’s in second now (w barou as a very close third) because SAE ITOSHI has a healthy lead 😭 honestly it was expected that man just has too many fans 😓 and most of the other characters on there aren’t AS popular (i’m sure there would’ve been more of a split if rin kaiser or isagi were included but honestly none of them were screaming oaeu to me…sae is kinda in the same category as them for me but he had strong oaeu potential hence why he’s included despite not being a miraverse all star like nagi karasu and barou)

I AM SOOO HYPE FOR THE EDITS PLSSS karasu and otoya edits from third selection?? nagi edits from the u20 game?? BAROU EDITS FROM THE U20 GAME 🤤⁉️ AHHH it’s going to be so good i just know those editors are going to cook up so many delicious concepts i’m actually hype (barely one more month we’re so close!!) and LMAOO no literally iirc nagi scored like four of the five goals against barou and naruhaya or something like if he hadn’t done that isagi would’ve had the naruhaya treatment and been out for good 😭 tik tok fans forgetting who the og goat of bllk was 😢 okay but honestly that’s why i love having nagi AND barou as my favs because one or the other is always up!! truly no losing there (and bllk bros automatically respect anyone who loves barou because most of them are barou glazers as if barou is ANYTHING like them 😒)

i guess part of it is also probably just kaneshiro using typical character archetypes too?? like girly dude white haired dude flirty dude etc etc the nagi dragon art was insane work though like what was the reason for that except to cater to us specifically

nah because yk i’d cook even for shidou 😭 but he would not be my first choice (or my second, or third, so on and so forth) HAHA he’s just a bit too chaotic plus like we’ve mentioned i don’t really find him too attractive even though ik some people do?? LMAOO omg idt i could ever write a character as violent as him especially not kiyora…like he’s chill for the most part just not hesitant to punch someone if needed i guess is how i interpreted it?? whereas shidou would just do it for funsies

I HAD FUN WRITING THE GRAPE CANDY SCENE IT JUST FELT SO HIM like the way he gives her a piece after she successfully swallows a pill as if she’s a dog or smth it’s just so innocent 😭 meanwhile reader is like “wow our tongues will match 😏” FBXJFKDS and him writing his number on the empty box so he doesn’t have to throw it away OR actually give her his number in person for fear of rejection…kiyora my underrated goat fr 🥹

JFNFJDDJSJ PLSSS just drop a quick “erm have i known you since you were four years old?? yeah i didn’t THINK so!!” and move on…i fear writing has made my standards very high hence why i’ve never been in a relationship but you’ll never catch me settling fr 🥱 if they’re not like bfb karasu or peregrine nagi or white butterfly hiori I DON’T WANT THEM 🤣 or ig someone like seabird sae would work too HAHA i’ll sacrifice the pining for a man w money and a sense of humor 🤩

OMG YAYYY I’M GLAD YOU LIKE IT i was inspired by those dollar store self help books as well as rom com movie covers when i was making it and i think it turned out well!! and then i saw one of the graphics accounts i follow had posted the green and purple hearts divider and i was like holy shit this is PERFECT it matches so so well w his entire aesthetic…also peep oliver and aiku being diff colors like his heterchromia 😮 LMAOO genuinely this is probably aiku’s first appearance on my blog (besides his cameo in the last part of fwtkac) but ahhh i’m trying to figure out which req to do next myself!! i have a few to choose from so there’s def a bit of variety…i’m thinking of your requests i’ll probably do chigiri?? because barou is part of the oaeu and idk if i feel connected enough to bachira to write for him yet 🙂‍↕️

NFJDBXSNK no because that’s literally what it is…after the gagamaru req my inbox was pretty stagnant in terms of new reqs so i was like ok let me just get these ones cleared out and then i’ll go back to posting my own things again as well 😭 literally the two hiori requests are from my 500 follower event so from back in JUNE like i need to wrap these up and post them 😭 but idm making the newer ones wait like they can go on the crazy oaeu ride w all of us in the meantime 😩

OMG WHO DID YOU END UP VOTING FOR (unless you want to keep it a secret because if so i understand 🫡) also omg that annoys me sm like fr a pet peeve…basically no one can see the results of a poll until they vote but that includes the creator of the poll?? so if you don’t want to skew the results you just make another option so you can keep track of the poll while it’s still open 🤩 but i absolutely HATE when people pick that option like are you seriously that desperate to know the answer that you pick the option that literally says it’s only for me?? it doesn’t matter what you put people will vote on it but it’s so annoying ughhhh i can’t stop putting it because i’m nosy and like to know what’s going on with the poll in real time but it fr irritates me that people pick it like literally just choose a random option if it’s that deep 😒 i think part of what annoys me is like it so clearly says don’t pick it…and then people still pick it…like were you all dropped on the heads as children or smth…ANYWAYS sorry i feel like i’m so chill normally but there’s random things that genuinely make me crash out for no reason 😭 ALSO POOR YUKI AND OTOYA they’re still behind the FOR MIRA ONLY OPTION (me rn: 🤬😡) atp i’m not going to do polls anymore…like damn sorry i tried to get you all involved why are you being stupid and illiterate rn

actually tbh it’s not that deep idk why it enrages me sm 😰 but uhhh i fear it does for some reason

#answered asks

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msfbgraves · 1 year ago

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Certain things are so normalised we don't talk about them anymore. Even though when looking at them, I find them deeply disturbing.

Ever since I was six, six, mind you, I was working to stay "on top of things". I was a slow learner, which may have had something to do with the impaired motor function. But I had to try to "keep up".

Keep up with what?

And here I am again, thinking "OK, right, I need to stay on task, to stay on top of bills, and housing issues and bodily needs and family demands and office politics and actual politics and why does simply being a part of daily life feels so much like a fight for survival? Why do you have to stay so alert that something or someone doesn't trip you up? It's not only money. In a job you're trying to stay relevant you need to keep your eye out for the next opportunity or some boss on an ego trip or some coworker trying to sabotage as well as doing the damn work. School was dealing with classmates and schoolwork and bullying from either teachers or classmates or parents as well as cultivating the fun parts. I've been functioning on adrenalin since first grade, as you do in this society, and we get two to five weeks a year off from that, and maybe a part of the weekend because you know, chores.

And very, very occassionally someone points out that maybe life is not supposed to feel like this. That maybe my favourite meow meow is wrong when he says: "Life isn't a fairytale (gruesome though they are), it's a competitive sport!"

I'm no absolutist. Competition can be fun. Focus can be thrilling. Work can be fulfilling. But constantly being on the alert because you might need a new job there's a storm coming you're managing a health condition they've raised prices with 20% you need to check your heating a family member needs assistance wtf man? Necessity I understand but we accept this stuff as 'normal life'. Sure there's stuff about "smell the roses, it can be over tomorrow," but if I suggest, Modern Times like, that this normalcy is weird people look at me blankly. It's normal to work what amounts to six days out of seven, more sometimes when money is tight or your job is very demanding. Which goes for 99% of people but we accept the struggle. Life is supposed to be a struggle.

Says... says who?

Everytime I return to the ratrace - because illness has thrown me out of it for actual death matches a few times - I keep thinking: "But this is ridiculous." I see no immediately apparent alternative, but I keep thinking we're in some capatalism imposed, somehow accepted insanity. And some people think the biggest revelation about this is that capitalism creates those conditions to benefit those with the most capital, which duh, but my question is not "Why was this system put in place?" but "Why tf do we accept it?" Maybe because it is somtimes rewarded but why then do we reward it? AI rearranges stolen artwork and writing and it makes them rich. Supermarkets price millions out of staples it makes them rich. People invest in oil companies that constantly provoke bloody wars and it makes them rich. The least discriminatory way I could make cold hard cash would probably be to give some company money to kill other people. And it makes me sick to my stomach, but that is called business savvy. Making our own lives, that of others and the planet itself unlivable is something that pays. Why tf do we accept that? We could regulate it out of existence. Why don't we? Why is it a harsh truth that if you can find a way to make as many people as possible as desperate as possible you make the most money?

Yes we also strive for a healthy society but that is not what capitalism rewards. We treat decency as a luxury we can't afford; riches erode whatever inherent decency people may get born with.

And yet we keep on racing lest we get crushed by it.

It boggles my mind and keeps doing so.

#personal #capitalism #internalised oppression

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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

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Begone

Streamer Gang & Asexual Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Acephobia, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently come out as asexual, Y/N faces some less than pleasant or appropriate responses in their chat during their stream with the gang. Luckily, they’re not alone in battling the haters this time.

Requested by the lovely Anon who told acephobes to begone, yeah you know who you are hehe. Thank you so much for the request darling! Let’s show these acehobes who they’re messing with! Love, Vy ❤

Boy is this nerve-wrecking or what? Sure, I maybe woke up with a ton of confidence, I listened to motivational and uplifting talks and listened to mood boosting music. I had a healthy breakfast and a cup of coffee. Damn it, I went on a run, all in an attempt to convince myself that dealing with the online world again is but a piece of cake for a badass like me. Well, low and behold, that feeling didn’t last very long. Here I am, chewing my nails off at the though of hopping in the Discord call and Among Us lobby with my friends and starting my stream. It’s not like I’m not expecting my friends and fans to support me - of course I am! I know they’re gonna give me a ton of love and appreciation and support and uplift me no matter what. But then again, there’s still those people who believe me and other people like me to be invalid and broken and whatnot.

Those are the ones I wanna avoid.

It’s not like their words mean much to me but I simply don’t wanna see em, you know? It’s not only about me - it’s least about me actually - it’s more about all those wonderful people they are insulting when they say shit like that about asexuals and all the people on the ace spectrum. I can’t help but flare up and get angry on the behalf of all my ace friends and even people I’ve never met.

It’s also my first time being directly thrown into the fire instead of getting caught in the crossfire seeing as how I came out to my fandom via a tweet and an Instagram post a week ago, telling my identity’s truth: finally bringing my asexuality to the surface to shine its brightest so I can be be my best and reach for my full potential.

But damn am I afraid to see how everyone took it.

My friends were quick to jump in and take me offline before I start refreshing my own posts to see the comments under them. Lord knows that without them I would’ve driven myself insane, I’ll forever be grateful for what they did and the lengths they went to to keep me offline and whatnot. One word to give you an idea of how invested they were in this: origami. All of us might as well have been born with two left hands and yet we still tried doing origami. Freaking origami.

Damn do I love my friends.

But now I don’t have sheets of paper and my friends to distract me. I have a fanbase to entertain and another friend group I haven’t talked to in a while. I don’t wanna get any predictions in already so I don’t jinx myself, so I’m just gonna say it’s gonna be...interesting regardless of what happens.

Then again, when is it not interesting when the streamer gang’s involved.

Deep breaths, Y/N. You got this

Listening to that encouraging little voice inside my head, I finally equip my headphones and in one fluid motion turn my camera on, officially starting my stream and unmuting my mic as I hop in the call with everyone.

“Hi guys! Guess who’s returned!“ I exclaim cheerfully, desperate to hide the nervousness of my voice.

“You really missed your opportunity to say ‘guess who’s back...back again’ didn’t you?“ Charlie is the one who greets me first, sounding rather disappointed in me in his usual jokester manner. It’s nice to hear, it makes me feel like nothing’s changed in the week I’ve been gone. Like I’m still the same person to these people. I really am the same, I just now am a lot better version of myself. Almost as though I’ve reached my final form. It feels empowering really. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Charlie laughs again, “Congrats, by the way. You keep proving you can get cooler and cooler.“

“Careful there Charlie, I can only handle so large of an ego.“ I joke back, rolling my eyes playfully as a wide grin spreads across my face, “No, but seriously, thank you so much, man. It means the world to me that you support me.“

“Um, how could we NOT?“ That’s very clearly Rae, “Hun, you are so brave and amazing and wonderful, how could we ever NOT support you?“

“Yeah, we’ll always support you no matter what, Y/N. We’ll always be your friends, through thick, thin and beyond.“ Poki too interferes, her words only making my smile wider.

“Alright, alright, y’all are gonna make me cry and I haven’t even read my chat yet, hold on.“ I say, fanning my face to dry the tears I hope the webcam isn’t spotting, “Darn, you guys are the best. Sorry, give me a sec to gather my composure, I’ll be right back.“

I quickly mute my in-game mic as I turn to my chat where I see the same amount of love and support in the form of comments and emojis flooding in from my viewers. A warm feeling spreads throughout my chest, making me feel the most comfortable with myself I’ve ever felt. The most loved I’ve ever felt. The most seen and understood. To finally be you feels like you are finally really living in this world, not like you’ve been already living in it for God knows how long. It makes me so freaking happy and fulfilled to finally be living as me, as the real me.

Unfortunately, in life, nothing can be 100% pure and good. There’s always at least 1% there threatening to ruin all your happiness you worked so hard to build or obtain. It may be one in a hundred, but fuck it’s powerful and effective.

And in my case it comes in the form of two comments that stick out to my eyes. Acephobic comments saying my identity’s fake, claiming I’m faking it, saying us acephobes are immature creatures who refuse to grow up, or attention whores. Or just saying we’re delusional and in denial, confused about who we are.

I hadn’t even realized I was clenching my jaw and fists but when I do, I slowly relax my muscles and crack my knuckles before addressing the two people who spat out that nonsense.

“Ok, listen here, shooterpro69 and yourmom_lol. For starters, I want to apologize for your ignorance and lack of education on the matter of asexuality. In fact, for you especially, I plan on making an educational video, explaining asexuality to people who need or want to learn more. You, my friends, are in desperate need to be fed some knowledge cause damn, God knows how many people secretly think you’re hella stupid. Not that they’re wrong to think so but anyway. Unless you have anything nice or positive to say, begone from my chat. Actually, when I think about it, begone from every chat. No one needs you polluting their communities with acephobia and hate.“ I say, all spoken in a calm tone despite the boiling anger within me. People who know me well would probably be able to tell I’m fuming underneath the calm façade, but at least I got my message across loud and clear.

“WOO HOO, You tell em Y/N!“ Toast cheers, clapping his hands and whistling as more cheering arises from each my friends, leaving me in a state of mild shock and confusion.

Wait, what?!

“Um, wait, you guys heard that?“ I ask, my eyes darting to thein-game mic symbol that shows an not crossed-off mic, meaning it was enabled during the entirety of my speech.

“Hell yeah we did! You slayed them, Y/N! Damn goddamn!“ Rae whistles too, her enthusiasm wafting over me like a breath of fresh air.

“I second that!“ Corpse joins in, “And remember what we said - we’ll support you through anything. Need to bury an acephobe’s body, we’re the people you should call.” He says, confident as heck.

And I just can’t hold it in anymore - I burst out laughing, doubling over from the intensity.

If I thought I was happy and fulfilled before, this has to be the closest to paradise I’m gonna get on Earth. All thanks to these wonderful people. Friends are really something else aren’t they: they come into your life - often unexpectedly - and change it completely. Suddenly you’re not alone, you’re not forced to deal with everything and face everything on your own. Someone’s got your back and you’ve got theirs.

Through thick, thin and beyond.

And it’s so fucking amazing.

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse @sunnyrae-cessh @ladykxxx08 @meowiemari

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mariaiscrafting · 3 years ago

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ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd�� or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues. My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way. Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand. Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

#ive been writing this on and off since 830 am est SHEESH #dreamwastaken #dream critical #eh i think im relatively lenient of him here given my past posts ab him #but still just in case the blacklist tags for yalls convenience:#discourse #/neg #asks #long post #long posts #this a LONG one bois #morango

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tohruhondaismydaughter · 4 years ago

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Ok so here are my PERSONAL thoughts for this episode of Fruits Basket (WARNING: manga spoilers ahead).

I gotta be honest the beginning of the Yuchi scene was weird for me because of how much of thier development was sadly cut from the anime but after the curse breaking scene (which was unessarily beautiful btw like the others just got tears/rope snapping but our rat prince got all the budget LMFAO, also the rat spirit was so adorable in this scene for some reason) they luckily still got me to cheer for them somehow (though I think her gift was explained better in the manga as a way to sooth Tohru's rescent injuries + was a nice way of showing how Machi & her brother as alike, at least in the way they approach gift giving lol).

The kyoru stuff was amazing of course (especially assertive Tohru) but I do greatly miss thier zoo date & the school's reaction to them being a couple however they might put that in the last episode (well we can hope can't we).

The Kyoko monologue was heart breaking though I still think her attempted suicide being covered would have added more depth to the saddder side of her & Tohru's relationship (without having to nessaryily explore too much of her disturbing relationship with Katsuya & while we're on the subject, I'm not happy about her going back to her middle school self in the afterlife for VARIOUS reasons that I won't bother getting into but at least we still haven't had to see he's face yet).

I wish Rin hadn't been in the room with Akito during the apolgey (I frankly don't like her even being present when Tohru tells Kyo she wants to see Akito after he's hug with Kazuma because while I PERSONALLY like the friendship between Tohru & Akito & am able to forgive her once she's clearly changed her ways & I get why/how the friendship came to be I still don't think Rin should be present when Tohru's being really invested in Akito especially not so rescently after the amount of truma she put Rin through & btw the 'I can't forgive her/your not bad for not forgiving her' scene better be in the last episode) I swear Rin was sitting just outside the open door with her back turned away (Haru was the closest to her like he was almost shielding her from Akito & their hands/arms were holding on to eachother in the hallway) in the manga so that she could still hear what was being said without having to actually see Akito but maybe I'm misrembering. Also I know Kisa was also badly hurt by Akito but Kisa has a mum to look out for her & wasn't almost murdered or rescently held captive. I also would have wanted Akito to not sit so close to the group (especially Rin & Kisa because I would have thought she'd understand how VERY triggering that could be for them & would want to avoid that).

I loved the detail that Kyo dosn't know he's way around the inner easte because as the cat he's never been invited before.

Akito looked beautiful in her Kinmono.

I don't know when Hiro was supposed to have he's own seprete talk with Akito (sadly the Kyo/Akito/Hana scene is obviously not going to happen) but I do kind of hope we get some closure with him in the next episode (speaking of which I hope the 'cry because you loved her' scene gets to be in the next episode).

I'm not an Akigure shipper (for NUMRIOUS reasons) but Shigure's speech about why he gave Akito a "parting" gift actually sounded a lot kinder & over all more sincere/healthy to me then it did in the manga....but unfortunately he once again brought up the fact that he'd been waiting for her for such a long time, & they descided to again show little kid Akito & teenage Shigure & it's just like yeah I get it he "fell in love" with her before she even hit puberty (I promise I'm not trying to hate on Akigure fans as I get that it's fiction & your allowed to like stuff that's not wholesome/fluffy I just don't get why the mangka would go out of her way to make the origin of thier feelings for eachother so problimatic if she just wanted them to end up happy & stable in the end like all the other couples).

I would have liked Akito staying on as family head 'to change the clan's toxic way of doing things' to be more explained because, in the dub at least, she kinda just says 'there's still things to do so I'll continue being the family head' & while a change of heart is obviously implied I personally think it's important for the former zodiac to actually hear her say something like that out loud.

Then there's the weird monologue Akito has about Shigure which I guess is supposed to convey that she loves him now more then she did the old zodiac bond but it just sounded obsessive to me (litrually like how Ren spoke about Akira) but I wouldn't necessarily have such a problem with that if it was at least aknowleged anywhere in story that Akito realises it's unhealthy & something she'll need to work on changing if she ever wants to have any chanse at a healthy relationship with him but unfortunately we just get: 'wow I'm utterly dependent on this man (who's been playing mind games with me for half my life) to give me any kind of purpose/value as a person now that I'm no longer a god so we're gonna be a couple now' & I'm just left like.....or you could break up permanently like you did with Kureno & focus on dealing with your truma & becoming a good friend for other outcasts like Tohru did, instead.

#fruits basket #season 3 #episode 12 #fruits basket spoilers #manga spoilers #fruits basket manga spoilers #anti akigure #anti shigure #anti shigure sohma #season 3 spoilers #fruits basket season 3 spoilers

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eldritch-elrics · 3 years ago

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svsss: the (not so) grand return of peerless cucumber

so a LOT happened in the chapters i read last night (44-49) and i have. SO many thoughts

not as many as i had right after i read but i really had to go to bed so i couldn’t write them all up.....

i put some reactions in individual posts but i’ll repeat them here!

first of all. shang qinghua. fucked off to the demon realm. like, good for him? but also. i want to see my boy

binghe keeping sqq’s body??? xue yang vibes OFF the charts

so I’M IN LOVE WITH THE MUSHROOM PLOT

i love how every so often sv will hit me with a twist that is SO up my alley that i just. lose it a little bit

HE MADE HIMSELF A CLONE BODY OUT OF MAGICAL MUSHROOMS AND TRANSPORTED HIS SOUL INTO IT.

i love mushroom shit and i love bodyswapping and. my god.

the fact that sqq has died twice and been forced to inhabit 3 different bodies??? wei wuxian wishes he were this cool

sidenote but the mental image of sqq doing radio calisthenics in the forest is really funny. or maybe it’s just funny to me because of the associations i have with this one time in japanese class?

sqq’s new body looking like a cross between shen yuan and shen qingqiu is really interesting and perhaps... symbolic....?

also hey does this mean he doesn’t have to deal with the cureless poison anymore. i assumed that it would be cured in his eventual sexytimes with binghe but hmmm i guess not!

the point where i really lost it was when he realized he was disconnected from the system. i know now that it wasn’t permanent but that was just so interesting, how much he hates it and wants it gone. which makes sense! even though it has helped him get out of bad spots at times, it’s a sign that he’s not really from this world. now i’m just really curious what’s gonna happen to the system at the end of the novel. maybe it’ll shut off once he achieves the “goal” it’s seemed to have set for him and gets together with lbh?

also i’m glad that sqq seems to have matured a little bit in terms of his people skills / problem solving skills? though uh. remains to be seen how he’ll act in front of binghe when binghe realizes who he is

it also seems like i was completely wrong about sqq’s motivations for sacrificing himself lol. lot more selfish than i thought? but it makes sense! fun twist

mxtx sure likes to have her protagonists execute plots that they don’t tell the reader about until after they happen lol (i’m thinking of the golden core transfer)

uhh back to plot reactions

love the running joke about peerless cucumber. also the demon names... six balls <3

also hold on a minute, peerless cucumber is a dick joke? lmao

thank you airplane for making it clear binghe has a big dick. absolutely vital character information

so i’ve said this before but sqq’s narration really CARRIES this novel. here i’m thinking specifically about his diatribe against sha hualing’s nails

shl is pretty fun. sexy evil lady!

sqq can turn his fan into a blade. nie huaisang get ON that smh

yang yixuan my beloved!

also HAHA i predicted that sqq’s super mushroom powers could help the xin mo thing and i was RIGHT

so sqq is just. SO invested in getting the plot back on track. like with all the harem members and stuff. it’s so funny because like bro. surely you’ve noticed by now that things are going very differently than in pidw. and also... you don’t WANT to go back on the pidw track bc that would kill you!!!

so the system reactivates when binghe turns up right? i am thinking about. the fact that when it tries to reboot it’s like “contacting customer service”

WHO IS CUSTOMER SERVICE.

it’s so interesting because like... obviously the whole system thing is so much bigger than just A Book? it’s even got airplane trapped inside it. and he’s the fucking author! who is running this thing? and for what purpose?

sqq listening in on the gossip about how lbh is DEFINITELY obsessively in love with him was SO funny. poor man

so binghe. he has become so COLD

i don’t like it :(

once more. my dude go to therapy.

wait also random but sqq has a beard now and for some reason that’s so funny to me

life at the palace seems terrible lmao no one is doing ok

smh, mxtx protags keep dying and staying dead for huge amounts of time and then coming back in different bodies

the fact that binghe’s happiest memories are training with sqq :(

THE FACT THAT BINGHE IS ABSOLUTELY SHIT AT KISSING

my god. that entire scene

went from “awwww headpats” to “AAAAAAAA”

the fact that the system congratulates him i’m sjkdhgjhsdhgjsds poor sqq.... didn’t ask for this shit.......

after 50 chapters, he’s finally realized he turned the male lead gay <3 say goodbye to all those funny oblivious moments!

i had to stop there because it was way too late at night but wow. we shall see how this relationship progresses

i can’t see it improving anytime soon but at least sqq knows lbh likes him now???

i had a LOT of thoughts last night but now i’m pretty much just like. i really need to see where it goes before i make any judgements on bingqiu

rn i’m not a big fan because 1. sqq is so wildly uncomfortable (understandable lol, even if lbh thinks it’s just a dream) and 2. lbh is very obsessive and that’s not really my favorite trope. but like it’s obviously not meant to be a healthy relationship, at least definitely not right now, and i do like some good fucked up romance! i’m excited to see the developments where sqq realizes what his real feelings are

i’m also fairly neutral on binghe as a character atm. his main personality traits seem to be “obsessed with sqq” and “trying not to die from evil sword qi poisoning” and i don’t find that all that compelling? between him and lwj i have to say that mxtx’s love interest characters are not really my favorite, though i wouldn’t say i dislike either of them.

furthermore i’m slightly concerned with how lbh’s “i’m the main character and i get what i want” attitude is gonna affect the romance. i know there’s some dubconny stuff later which i can’t say i’m excited for but i am excited to see how binghe’s character is gonna develop in general

my aspirations for bingqiu is that they’re both able to eventually break free of the expectations of the system

because, look at this from sqq’s pov. there’s this ai in your head that has, for literal years, been steering you towards a romance that you (at least outwardly) don’t want. isn’t that fucking terrifying? i love it. the system (at least how i see it) has been bending the established plot of the world in order to make this happen. it’s like fate but you can see the gears turning.

and even if sqq does end up liking lbh back, can you imagine the existential crisis of like. wondering if he really CHOSE to get with binghe or if he was somehow compelled to by the system which acts based on binghe’s emotions?

i think that would be so interesting

however what i think is Actually going to happen (based on that one time when airplane was like “hey cucumber, uh, is lbh just a character to you or is there more...”) is that sqq is gonna realize that he’s had a bit of a crush on binghe since reading pidw and is only just now dealing with his internalized homophobia. so him getting together with binghe has less strings attached

i think there’s some opportunity here for a commentary on the soulmate trope? because svsss is just so steeped in themes about agency and fate. i think that would be really cool but we’ll have to see. i feel like the ending is gonna be simpler and happier than i want it to be but obviously i cannot make any judgements yet! i’m just having Thoughts :)

so, i also read one of the extras (the one where he goes with lqg to battle succubi) because the translation i’m reading recommended it! it was pretty fun

sqq SO clueless. like i get it, he doesn’t think he’s into anything other than Pretty Cis Women, but. sqq we’ll work on this

also ASKING LQG IF HE’S A VIRGIN. sqq literally stop

(that was so funny though)

liu qingge ACE RIGHTS

actually lqg’s outburst in this chapter was kind of bizarre and can be explained in a few different ways i think?

i really like the idea of him being aroace. thinks true love doesn’t exist etc

i feel like the intended implication of lqg’s outburst is that he’s realized madame meiyin is referring to binghe and is like “holy shit no sqq can’t be with Him”

maybe lqg is just homophobic?

but i. also kind of wonder if lqg is gay and in love with sqq? and is just putting up the “such deep love doesn’t exist” thing because he really doesn’t want sqq to know

there was that whole line where the succubus was like “well you’re not his soulmate you don’t know” and it made me think

on the other hand i can’t really see lqg liking sqq that way; they seem to have more of a Bro Bond

then again lqg does keep fighting binghe for sqq’s sake

either headcanon is fun! i’d be excited for more insight into lqg in general i think

#my god this is long #svsss #svsss spoilers #finn reads scum villain #my post

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actingwithportals · 4 years ago

Note

what is your absolute favorite ship? / explain why do/don’t ship Quirrel/Tiso / what’s a ship you like that most people don’t? / what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion? / what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion? / do you prefer God Tamer/Hornet as an otp, brotp, or notp? / what’s your favorite headcanon of Spider Bee? / what’s a meme/quote that reminds you of Grollow? / -smoochies-

what is your absolute favorite ship?

Hmm, lately I’ve been Very into Quirrel/Tiso and [REDACTED], but I’m not sure I’ve reached commitment levels of either to call absolute favorite? That title might still have to go to Chell/Doug Rattmann from Portal tbh.

explain why do/don’t ship [pairing] - Quirrel/Tiso

OK SO as for the do’s it’s because I’m a sucker for the really friendly/angsty asshole pairings (when it’s like a healthy balance) and Quirrel/Tiso fits that so well. And my personal take with them too is that the roles are a bit reversed to what you might expect from them? I characterize Tiso as being very open with his emotions and not really ashamed to talk about how he feels, whether it’s positive or negative or what have you. Whereas Quirrel I see more as being the sort to close himself off and feign contentment because it’s the least trouble for everyone and easier than facing what’s uncomfortable. And I think that those two types getting put together is just... so much fun. Absolute friend who is genuinely kind but will lie to your face if it means he avoids opening up, falling in love with a loud arrogant sort who can and will cry in front of anyone when he gets frustrated? Sign me the fuck up!

As for the don’t’s, hmm I think this would really only apply for me when considering AUs that my friends have where one or both of these characters are shipped with someone else, in which case I’m probably on board with that pairing instead. It’s all about characterization and setting!

what’s a ship you like that most people don’t?

I’m not actually sure? I guess Herrah/Vespa might be a bit under the radar, but I don’t think it falls into being mostly unliked, just not popular? I also have self-indulgent ships but those are pretty AU specific and I feel don’t count.

what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion?

I guess I just harped on this but I feel like there is a painfully small amount of Herrah/Vespa content out there. Yes, I know I should be improving upon this too sfkljdsd trust me, I’m working on it.

what is the most overrated ship, in your opinion?

I . . . really don’t know? I guess I’m slightly perplexed by why people are so interested in Pale King/White Lady, but I wouldn’t call it overrated because it is a very good dynamic. I’m just a little apathetic to it so it’s hard for me to grasp why people fixate on it a bit, but it’s definitely cool that people do!

do you prefer [pairing] as an otp, brotp, or notp? - Hornet/God Tamer

Hornet/God Tamer I think I prefer best as a brotp, but as a romantic pairing it has really nice potential. It would be hard for me to get attached to, though, because I am too excited about Lacenet possibilities and am really not letting myself get heavily invested in any Hornet pairings until Silksong comes out.

what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]? - Spider Bee

Herrah and Vespa first met in battle, actually, and it was homoromantic tension at first sight flkdjksdjf (and Vespa won that fight)

what’s a meme/quote that reminds you of [pairing]? - Grollow

I have now forgotten every meme or quote I have ever known and this is making me die a little fuck. Honestly anything chaotic makes me think of Grollow because both of these two have such potential for ferality and I think Hollow especially deserves the chance to go a little ham (and of course Grimm encourages this wholeheartedly)

Thank you for the ask!!! <3

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comradesummers · 5 years ago

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3, 17, 27?

Hi, thank you for asking!

Top 5 underrated TV shows

Idk what really qualifies as underrated, but I’ll try my best.

1. Legends of Tomorrow

Like, outside of the cult following, people don’t give it credit for being one of the most creative and batshit crazy shows on TV. I think what really gets missed in the conversation about Legends, even when the show is brought up, is that it’s not just a weird, kooky show. I genuinely believe LoT is doing something that no other show on TV is doing rn. Like it may be silly, and not take itself too seriously, but it’s actually super creative, it tries new things, it takes risks that shows that take themselves more seriously don’t have the luxury of taking. It’s out there doing something genuinely different from the regular serialized drama format that’s overtaking television, and that’s unique and important and we should appreciate it more.

2. Every show for or about women that’s ever been referred to as a “guilty pleasure” by men, including but not limited to: BtVS, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Jane the Virgin, Sex and the City (I haven’t even seen it, but I know that it changed television as we know it, and men still dismiss it as meaningless fluff), Gilmore Girls, and too many other shows to list here. All of them are underrated by assholes who think they’re too good for girl things.

3. Blackadder

Y’know, the concept of something being underrated is super weird, because like the question becomes: underrated by who? I mean, if you’re in the know about British comedies or whatever, then of course you know that Blackadder is one of the funniest and most innovative shows ever. But with everyone else I’ve talked to in real life, I’ve had to explain that Mr. Bean and Dr. House dress up in period costumes, and hang out with different important historical figures in British history, and it’s really funny and great (except for maybe the first season).

4. Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23

And then on the other hand, I’m pretty sure a lot of people on Tumblr know what this show is, and know it’s hilarious, but I would still probably consider it underrated and pretty unknown outside of certain circles.

5. Sense8

Again, I’m not sure it’s underrated on Tumblr but more people need to see it, so I’m counting it. I like Sense8 for the same reason I like Legends: it took risks, and did things other shows weren’t doing, albeit on a much larger and more unruly budget, which is probably why it got cancelled. But it really was a great, if short lived show, and I wish it had gone on for longer.

Top 5 “deserved better” characters

1. Kendra Young

Yeah, so I think there are two reasons that Kendra’s death makes me so angry. The first being just how much potential was wasted with her death. Yeah, they made her do a goofy accent, but she was still a really interesting character. Her worldview was completely entrenched in that of the Council. She was raised by them, and had never rebelled like Giles had. She would have made an amazing contrast to Buffy and the gang, but I also think there’s a really great story there about her coming to terms with just how exploited by those assholes she had been. Also, her dynamic with Buffy was already fascinating, and I think they had really good chemistry (I ship it).

The other reason her death makes me so angry is that she is the most obvious example of the horrendous treatment of people of color on BtVS. It really is unacceptable how white that show is, and once the writers finally did create an interesting and powerful (if admittedly pretty stereotypical) woman of color, they killed her off after three episodes. Kendra deserved better just like every other non-white character on BtVS deserved better.

2. Meg Manning and Paker Lee

(Yeah, I’m cheating, it’s a tie.) So one of the main issues that I have with Veronica Mars is that there just aren’t that many women on the show. With the exception of Veronica herself, most of the main characters are men, and most of Veronica’s important relationships, be they romantic, familial, or platonic, are with men.

The female characters we do have either have very little screentime, in spite of their considerable awesomeness (Mac and Jackie). Or, in the case of Meg and Parker, are used and disposed of according to the needs of the plot, often to create drama in Veronica’s love life. Meg surviving the bus crash, only to be killed off once she’d given birth, basically because she was no longer relevant to the Duncan/Veronica story is super icky and gross. And Parker getting dismissed as nothing more than road bump in LoVe’s story by both the show and the fandom drives me a little crazy, especially considering how she was introduced to the show.

Also, while we’re at it, every single ‘feminist’ character in season 3 deserved better from Rob Thomas.

3. Tara Maclay

She deserved to live, and we the viewers deserved better than Bury Your Gays.

4. Martha Jones

I mean, Martha Jones deserved better from the fandom more than anything else. And I’m adding her to the list because I’m one of the many people who owes Martha and Freema Agyeman an apology. I was like 12 when I watched Doctor Who for the first time, and I totally bought into the racist sexist bullshit (she’s boring, why is she in love with the Doctor, etc.). To be fair, I also bought into a lot of sexist bullshit when it came to Rose, so I hated her too, but obviously Martha got the shorter end of the stick, because of racism, and she deserved so, so much better.

5. Donna Noble

Fuck the amnesia bullshit and erasing her character development. Why did they have to do this to her? What possible purpose did it serve? Why not just give her a reason to leave and go home like every other companion? Wtf was the point? Was it just so that the doctor would have manpain about it?

Nevermind, I think I just answered my own question.

Top 5 brotps

Ok, not including any relationships I view as purely familial (Dawn and Buffy, Giles and Buffy, Tara and Dawn, Holt and anybody, etc.). Friendships only.

1. Buffy and Willow

Buffy and Willow love each other so much, and they hurt each other a lot too. This relationship isn’t simple and sweet, it starts out that way, but it becomes difficult, and they both do things to one another that I don’t think either one of them ever fully forgives the other for. But even still, at their worst, they love each other so deeply and so completely. This relationship is at the core of the show, I think. It’s arguably the first relationship the show establishes, and the one it spends most time on. The ups and downs are painful, but they feel real (even when they involve things like bringing someone back from the dead without their consent or whatever). And through it all, they never stop loving each other. As flawed as it may be, I think it’s also one of the most complex, interesting, and important relationships between two women ever on television. And that’s worth celebrating.

2. Jane and Petra

So I’ve been on a bit of a Jane the Virgin kick lately, and I’ll be honest, I can’t decide if this is a brotp or an otp. But I love Petramos too, so let’s go with brotp.

In any case, these two were pretty much my endgame for the show. I really didn’t care who Jane ended up with (unless it was Petra, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen), and I got sick of her love triangle real quick (to be fair, I just really can’t stand love triangles, which is why I didn’t give the show a shot for a long time). As for Petra, I just really wanted her to have a healthy relationship with someone, and Jane seemed to be the only person who seemed interested in having a healthy relationship with her.

Plus their dynamic is just amazing and hilarious. My favorite scenes in the show are always when they’re on screen together. The way they grudgingly grow to care about and love each other is genuinely sweet and well developed. And I love how even when they do become friends, their basic moral divide never changes. They still disagree very strongly about certain things, but they love each other regardless. And btw, the scene where they say “I love you” to each other for the first time might be my favorite “I love you” scene ever, platonic or otherwise.

I just love them so much.

3. Gurl Group (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)

This is another show about romance where I’m far more invested in the female friendship than I am in any of the romances, but to be fair, I think CxG kind of wants you to do that anyway.

Regardless, I love everyone in this Gurl Group, individually and together. And their individual relationships are already fascinating. Like, Rebecca and Valencia’s frienship is pure enemies to lovers friends bliss and I love it. Rebecca and Paula’s relationship is the heart of the show, and like Buffy and Willow, this relationship is often difficult and complicated, but the love is always there. And we never had enough scenes of Heather and Valencia interacting. Every scene where they were together was pure comedic gold. And the group together as a whole was just so powerful and amazing to behold.

4. Amy and Rosa

They do not have enough scenes together. This relationship deserves the same amount of care and development as Jake and Charles get. Melissa and Stephanie have great chemistry. And like, their characters are so different, so the contrast is always so funny. But they also love each other, and support each other, and it’s so much fun to watch. I need 10000% more Amy/Rosa content.

5. Buffy and Veronica

This one’s probably also cheating because it’s a crossover and all, but I’m just kind of obsessed with the idea of them meeting, sparks flying, enemies to lovers friends, the works. They would just have such a fantastic dynamic. Like, think of all the verbal sparring that we would be blessed with. Think of all the drama and angst of them coming to understand and respect each other. If there is one crossover that I would will into existence if I could, it would definitely be this one.

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balioc · 6 years ago

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I’ve been reading religious tradcon stuff lately, and it's been making me impossibly angry in a way that very little else does, and I think I’ve finally put my finger on why:

It’s the monstrous, self-aggrandizing impiety.

**********

I grew up as a Conservative Jew, on the observant/scholarly side of that movement. Which is to say: I was raised to honor my creator. Eventually I gave it up, through a process that basically amounted to tearing my heart out, because I could not reconcile my religion’s metaphysical assertions with the truth of the universe around me. (And, contrary to what some people will tell you, metaphysical doctrine does matter -- or should -- even if you’re Jewish.) But there were a number of years in there where I took it very, very seriously.

The thing that most people don’t realize about traditional Jewish observance is how impressively unrewarding it is. Worship has neither the aesthetic grandeur of high-church rite nor the personal emotional intensity of low-church faith; it consists mostly of mumbling your way through long sections of formulaic Hebrew at a breakneck pace, much too fast for the meaning of the words to really register with you, let alone with anyone else. The tunes, when there are tunes, are almost comically atonal and un-melodic, at least in old-timey Ashkenazi synagogues. All the constant rituals are finicky and arbitrary and inconvenient, as though they were carefully engineered to make you roll your eyes in annoyance rather than falling to your knees in awe. And everything comes together in a religious worldview, a day-to-day theology and psychology, that is intensely unsympathetic to its adherents. There’s no focus on heaven or on divine love or any of those warm-and-fuzzy things. There’s no sense that anyone up there gives a shit about your fucking feelings. The only outcome that you get promised for all your observance, apart from maybe some end-times messianic stuff, is that God will kick you around slightly more.

Of course, you learn to find glory and resonance in it anyway, if it’s what you grow up with and what you associate with the divine.

But that’s not the point.

The point is, inescapably and clearly: You are not doing this because you expect to get anything out of it. You’re not going to get anything out of it, bucko, except possibly as a second-or-third-order knock-on effect. It’s not going to make you happy, it’s not going to make you fulfilled, it’s not going to make your life easier. You’re doing this because it is commanded. You’re doing this to honor your creator.

He already fulfilled His end of the bargain: He created the world, and brought your ancestors out of Egypt. Your turn.

You learn to take pride in this. And justly so, I think. It’s a healthy and a virtuous attitude, except insofar as it’s unmoored from actual metaphysical truth. You don’t expect something out of your faith that it can’t provide. You’re not arrogant enough to think that your desires represent the cosmic good, or that the ruler of the universe is primarily invested in your personal narrative. You do the things because the things are good to do, because you’re committed to the proposition that they are the point.

(This may help to explain some of the problems I have with atheistic Jews who remain observant because, uh, they think they’re getting something out of it.)

**********

What I see amongst the tradcons is mostly the opposite.

They’re not in it to honor their creator -- at least, they never ever talk about that. They’re mostly not even in it to achieve salvation. There’s precious little discussion of Heaven in all their writings.

Mostly, as far as I can tell, they’re in it because they want things. Worldly things. Many of them seem to have come to their particular denominations specifically because they were hoping to find a vendor for certain worldly things. They want the kind of family life, and the kind of society, that feels rightly ordered to them. They want to feel as though their lives and their struggles are meaningful.

And I sympathize with that. I really do. It’s OK to want things. It’s especially OK, as far as I’m concerned, to want meaning in your life; I am all about finding ways for people to live meaningfully, in a fashion that is touched by numinous glory. I’ll even go so far as to say that some of the tradcons’ object-level desires are widespread, and commendable, and that some of their ideas about how those desires might be fulfilled are more likely to do good in the world than not.

But -- good God! The sheer unmitigated gall that it takes to make God Almighty into the mascot for your own particular brand of joy and fulfillment! The unfathomable hubris involved in saying that what He wants for the world is exactly the same as what you want for yourself!

I do not, and cannot, believe in the God of Abraham. But if He does in fact exist...well, I would think that this should all be about Him, not about you. Shut up and go pray.

#religion #identity #personal history #judaism

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yungfrieda · 5 years ago

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10.26.19

also known as - things i’ve learned about myself and the world around me as this year comes to a close.

first before i get into the #content i just want to say RIP to communities centered around long-form written content!! i really miss tumblr and the community around it, i suppose i could easily go to Reddit or something if i wanted to write long posts about my life but i really liked how everyone’s blog was their own platform to curate and didn’t have to be hyper glossy & filtered imgs of a curated idealistic life. (can you tell i’m not a big fan of instagram?)

ok moving on. this year threw me for a loop. in this one year of 2019 i’ve had 3 different jobs. spent a month just straight up unemployed with nothing to do. tried to break into concert production and kinda fell on my face for circumstances out of my control. this year taught me that if you don’t have a backup plan.... you gotta be quick enough on your feet to come up w one because things can get bad very quickly.

but i learned so many other things that don’t have to do with survival and disaster planning mode and i’d like to share at least 5 of them.

1. i learned how to really sit down and take an audit of my emotions. this is really all thanks to working with my therapist Emily who i am quite certain i would not still be here without. days are really, really tough sometimes and in moments where i have a lot going on, i tend to shove my emotions and needs into a dark corner of my brain so i can stay productive.

this is only sustainable for a verrrry short amount of time and the consequences are usually a breakdown. i’ve been telling people that my emotions are like toddlers. toddlers cannot and should not be abandoned for long periods of time and do deserve to have their needs met by the person who is supposed to care for them. and we all know caring for a toddler is a lot of fuckin work. but the results are that the toddler grows up healthy and ends up thanking their parents in the long run. i want to be able to thank myself for taking care of me, so i’ve gotta put in the work.

2. i’ve learned that a lot of my relationships are not reciprocal. this was a hard one. i find myself soooo frustrated with a lot of my most favorite people because the boundaries that i’ve set in our relationship are either extremely flimsy or non-existent. i’m happy i’m realizing this now because its a sign of growth. I’m beginning to question the structures in my life and the roles people play, wondering what sparks joy like an emotional Marie Kondo. it’s badass, but the hard part comes in when i’ve got to put some action behind these new observations and change things. i’m not super good at this just yet but working with my therapist has really helped me turn my relationship with my boyfriend around so i’m confident i’ll figure it out.

3. i’ve learned just how shitty lifestyle creep can be. in a way that isn’t really my fault! the one big purchase i’ve made since getting this new job is purchasing a nintendo switch for myself. other than that, i’ve been booked for a month straight for some intensive dental work, booked doctor’s appointments, and have been spending a lot more on transportation due to work. my money has been fucked up since i started making a higher salary, one that i consider “liveable”. i really hope that certain changes will make it easier to adjust and safe, make budgets for the shit i actually want to be spending on, and all around just being smarter with my money.

4. i’ve learned that my career just ain’t gonna get easier. this is another tough one to accept. i’m a person who really likes to be challenged, and unfortunately i’ve found that a bit of those “go-getter” and scrappy characteristics i’ve loved about myself have been damaged because of some uncomfortable work environments. i’m learning how to restore those entrepreneurial values that i had where i’d make a way if i couldn’t easily find one and would be so happy to roll up my sleeves and make shit happen without a second thought.

BUT what i’m trying to say is, the more i pursue roles that take me out of my comfort zone, challenge me to grow, and give me more responsibility, the harder it’s going to get to find shit like “work/life balance” and days where i can just coast under the radar. those days are long gone, unfortunately (and fortunately!) because there’s a way to mediate the bullshit while i’m making my way to the top. i just have to actively enforce boundaries for balance. i’m saying it like it’s so easy, but i know that’s the key to keeping my sanity while also keeping a challenging job. i’m sure there are days where i’ll have to work extra long hours or put my brain’s petal to the metal, but it can’t be the norm or else i’m going to ultimately set myself up for burnout.

no matter who is uncomfortable with it, i’ve got to make the space and time to take care of myself - no questions asked. because no one is gonna do it for me.

5. i’ve been reminded that love is not glossy and glamorous. not that i’ve ever been that type of person anyway. it’s been a long time since Ian and I have been in “sweep you off your feet” mode and that’s ok. i’m more of a “steady-state” type of partner anyway where i can really be supportive on a day-to-day level instead of blowing someone away with grand gestures that can only be done once in a blue moon. but what i want to say with this is that i think a lot of people hope to find their soulmate who will make their life complete, rid them of all of their problems, and then they can ride off into the sunset together.

that’s not how it happens. ian and i will never be that to each other and it’s ok. we make a good couple by way of being super understanding with each other and truly being invested in one-another’s happiness and needs which is something i’m grateful for. he’s really the most reliable person i’ve got in my life and i hope to be the same way for him. but we’ve gotten into some fights every now and again, or have both been cranky on the same day at the same time and been kind of venomous to each other. i learned in those times that it’s easier to unpack someone’s behavior and why his perceptions of priorities like communication are different than mine, instead of just throwing in the towel because we’re just too different.

in another instance, we just had a weekend where neither of us even touched each other after a few months of not even being face-to-face for awhile and just sat next to eachother all day and night and played video games in our pajamas. i’ll admit, i sometimes fall victim to wanting us to make every moment count and when we’re together just sitting and doing nothing can kind of drive me nuts, but i knew we both needed to rest and it was nice to just pretend to be roommates for a few days.

while i do like getting cute and spending days together with Ian when we hit the city and do some fun stuff, we just can’t do it all the time. he’s still a college student and i’m a walking dental construction site. we’ve got a lot going on that makes it hard to make every moment we see each other “stellar” but i love that and i love him and i wouldn’t want it any other way.

this post ended up a little longer than i wanted it to so i’ll leave you by saying i’m still sad. i hate the upcoming season so much and the lack of sunlight in the winter makes my brain very sad. but this year was a fruitful one. it’s been a lot of confusion, honestly. lots of things that i’m still a little fuzzy on but just like mentioned above, it’s all about having that plan b and not always about sticking around to pick up the pieces. when ya gotta move on, it’s time to move on.

i’m ready to move into 2020 hoping that all of the things i’ve learned in the past few years will start to pay off. i’ve got to remember and retain this info because it’s valuable and i KNOW i’m gonna need it again. it’s so much easier when you don’t have to re-learn shit because you kept the notes.

i want to finish off this year strong and go into the next feeling confident.

#personal

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the-lovely-little-witch · 6 years ago

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Some small tips for sustainability and saving money.

As I become more grounded in my path in witchcraft I am finding connecting to the earth and protecting the environment more and more important. I want to give to the earth as it gives to me. Become less dependent on the cycle of waste and over use and be happy in my own ability to provide. Becoming more sustainable and eco friendly was one of my goals for the year. I am still just beginning this path so I dont pretend to be an expert by any means, however I thought I would share some small tips I’ve I’ve found useful so far. I understand everyone is different and some of these will not be possible for some people, and that’s ok! I’m simply sharing personal experience in the hopes it might encourage others.

Kitchen and food-

• buy cheap boxed rice and beans, not only is the packaging recyclable, you get a ton of food and it’s super easy to cook and dress up for any meal.

• eat less red meat and processed meals. Red meat is expensive and not very eco friendly. Save it for special occasions. Processed meals like hamburger helper and the like, and not only pricy, they are very unhealthy, you are better off eating simple home cooked things.

• if you can, buy local! Find someone who sells fresh eggs, they are the best! Farmers markets are also excellent for fresh produce. If those aren’t an option, try to buy from stores that sell local produce and meats.

• grow your own! Raise some chickens, garden as much as possible!! ( this is more of a long shot goal not a tip) but even just a small pot of herbs on the kitchen counter is a step in the right direction.

• leftovers are your friend

• invest in a lunch box and some tupper ware containers. This cuts out the need for plastic sandwich bags and one use lunch sacks.

• wash out your recyclables!! Seriously most recycling plants will not take cans or plastics that contain food residue.

• compost even just a little. Left over tea leaves, coffee grounds and eggshells make great soil additions for a healthy garden. Most plant based waste can also be composted.

Shopping and buying-

• thrift stores, seriously, thrift stores my dudes. If you can try to avoid chain thrift stores like goodwill and Salvation Army and buy from local organizations. However any preowened item is better than new, from goodwill or no. Restores are also fantastic! And sell everything from clothing to building supplies.

• use reusable bags or paper bags.

• try to buy products with the least packaging or at least the most sensible packaging.

• shop less, like just don’t buy as much stuff or as often. Limit clothing or luxury purchases to special occasions.

• if you must buy soda, buy cans, they can be recycled for a small amount of money in most areas.

Daily life-

• get a reusable water bottle! And use washable silverware/plates instead of paper or plastic.

• try to shower and bathe one day less a week

• keep the thermostat lower(or higher in the summer) when you are gone or sleeping.

• turn off the lights while gone or in another room. Same thing with electric devices like tv and radio.

• use less laundry detergent! Omg the recommended scoop is a big old lie. You can use a fourth of that and get just as clean clothes.

• unplug occasionally. No tv or phone or any electronic devices. Enjoy nature or a book or hobby.

• reuse or repurpose if possible. Jeans with a knee hole, bam! They’re shorts now.

• shredded paper ( like old documents and stuff) makes a decent mulch for gardens.

• try not to throw away as much as possible. Donate clothing, recycle plastic , paper and cardboard and reuse items like glass jars and old furniture as much as possible.

This is just a very basic list of things I’m currently trying to work into my life. Hopefully there are some things others haven’t thought of! If you have any suggestions or tips to share please do!

#the lovley little witch #witchblr #witchy #pagan #nature #recycle #sustainable

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glitterisdiet · 5 years ago

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I discovered too late that I DO have an italics option on my phone :,,,D I’m so sorry. I’ve been using *s. Brain power at work here, folks.

Tiny fluff fic, basically all fluff is at the end. I made up a bunch of stuff in this (obviously), but I swear it was for a purpose. This for you, @cherrybombz01 had to make a different account because my main one is TRASH >8,D

PART 1

—————

Hank and Connor had a good thing going. They shared a house, they shared a kitchen, a dog, a commute, their work. They did everything together, more or less, because Hank was an ill-motivated house hermit who hadn’t had anyone to invest himself in in years, and Connor was subsequently, the fresh, new thing who got his fill of ‘experiencing life’ through everything Hank did. So hey, no effort on Hank’s part, and he was somehow keeping his new housemate entertained.

If you asked Connor, this idea that he needed to be constantly stimulated was not what kept him interested in their relationship. It was one sided on Hank’s part because of some weird insecurity he had that Connor really couldn’t identify. If one day he suddenly decided to learn everything from tv, he wouldn’t suddenly lose his interest in his human. He’d like to remind Hank he had a near infinite amount of information at his access at all times, but the knowledge Hank meant was very different from all the ‘technical stuff’. It was about being human- finding yourself. Knowing yourself in the metaphysical way Connor’s organic partner did.

He’d still be entirely fulfilled without Hank’s striving to enliven him. For some reason, though, he just didn't buy it that this robot with an 80 Gajillion, infini-byte brain was happy if Hank was not providing the mental stimuli.

Really confusing, but, Connor digressed.

He was happy, bordering euphoric. He didn’t know at first if that was the right term until he’d gotten a better grasp of what being happy was. Now that he had, Connor knew without a doubt he was experiencing bliss. ‘Domestic bliss’.

He wasn’t made for that, of course, so it took some getting used to. He wondered for a while if he was wasting all his energy towards something that likely had little productive value to someone of his character. He wondered if someone like him should be more concerned about career fulfillment or reputation.

Not once did he ever wonder whether he and Hank should be together, though. He *knew* they should, and that was what sealed it for him. He didn’t think about it again, and the term ‘euphoric’ suddenly slipped into place. He was enrapt, satisfied, accomplished.

Deviancy became very simple then. It was so basic and human and menial in the grand scheme of things- to simply want to be happy. But, it was shockingly all that seemed to matter. All anyone did for any reason was to find happiness- or attempt to. That was just life. Everything done ultimately for self-fulfillment.

For Connor, being wealthy or recognized wouldn’t provide that for him.

Receiving Sumo kisses while he and Hank watched tv was his happiness. Being able to go to work together and share cases was his fulfillment. Being able to wake up in a house all to their own and make breakfast was euphoria, and waking up to the tussled, grumpy man who slept in the next bedroom was something else entirely. He wasn’t alone. Hank was his friend.

However...

Being chastised constantly to take some alone time was....quite frustrating. Hank’s ever present concern that Connor would grow bored with him and become bitter was....disappointing.

And confusing.

Connor regularly insisted that he did *not* need Hank to entertain him, to keep him sated. He didn’t need to go off and find something ‘better’ than his already perfect life.

And this was messing up their rhythm.

Connor was sampling the blood at a homicide when Hank walked over and brought the whole thing up, like they were just having dinner.

Connor was surprised it had become that much of his priority.

It was exhausting, which was pretty impressive. If Hank was really trying to stimulate him, running an android designed to have an endless reserve mentally ragged should have satisfied him. Connor had to literally scrounge for the right words in his electronic library on hands and knees to shut Hank up.

Yet, the proper response alluded him. Every sensible answer he’d given Hank failed to ever resolve the problem. He was so set on this idea that Connor was ‘unhappy’ somehow.

That’s when Connor finally came to a very unsettling realization, and voiced it during their tv routine.

“Hank...”

“Yeah?”

“...Are you unhappy?”

“What?” He heard him perfectly, but Hank was still blind sided.

“No. I’m the best I’ve ever been in years.”

“But are you *happy*?”

“*YES*, Connor. Why would you even ask that?”

Connor turned back to the tv. He didn’t want to press the matter until he could determine whether Hank was lying to himself or to Connor.

He could read his vitals...he knew he wasn’t being honest.

“Con.” Hank nudged him with his knee.

“Hey, Connor, c’mon. Tell me what’s going on.”

“‘S nothing, Lieutenant.”

“Sure doesn’t look that way. Are you frowning? Alright, you’re definitely upset.” Hank clicked the tv off and shifted to face him.

“Out with it.” Hank sounded tired, as if he wasn’t the broken wagon wheel that was putting out the bumps.

The android thought it was better to throw out a perfectly believable lie and destroy any further suspicion than rile him up.

“I was just thinking about your response to my cooking.”

Hank looked like he wanted to say something as he sat there squinting at him, but he just stared instead.

“I don’t think you’re fond of it.” That wasn’t a total lie, actually. Hank did gag over his pasta that one time.

“No you weren’t.”

Connor twitched.

“You weren’t Connor.” Hank repeated when they locked eyes.

“Tell me what you’re really thinkin’....I’m listening.” He tacked on the last part to try and sound convincing. He knew he was terrible at expressing himself, and Connor had an advantage there by often saying whatever thing popped into his head at the time- due to the practicality in his programming.

“I don’t understand why you let things get between us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Some of these ideas of yours.”

“Ideas?” Hank felt a little chill in his gut at the mention of anything ‘getting between them’. He didn’t know anything had been.

“You....you keep insisting I can’t be happy.”

Hank groaned, knowing immediately where this was going. Last night was a particularly bad fight on the matter. Connor had ended up yelling at him, really yelling, for the first time in their partnership. Hank ended it when he got the feeling one of them was getting awfully close to punching a wall. He said he didn’t want to talk about it again until Connor was ready to consider him seriously.

“You mention it almost every other day, but I’m not allowed to say it once?” Connor deadpanned.

“Connor, it’s different when I do it, because I do it out of concern. You do it to tell me I’m crazy.”

“Again, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned it.” It was like pouting had been specifically designed for his model type.

“But you’ve had the same stance for every fight, so I’d be right to assume.” Hank said it more robotically than was probably politically correct now.

Connor didn’t look offended by that *tone*, but he was offended by that face.

“You’re missing the point, Lieutenant. I think you’re unhappy, and that’s why you’ve been forcing this issue. I’ve never given you a reason to think I am, so-.”

“That’s because you wouldn’t know any better...” Hank mumbled, pulling his arm off the couch and scratching the back of his neck.

Connor heard him and understood the implications perfectly.

“I know who I am, Hank.”

“Do you?” Hank reared back at the way he’d said his name. This was obviously leading them into another fight.

“‘Cause just last week you said you wanted to be a lawyer. Then you decided all at once that was a bad idea.”

“Lots of people change their thoughts about a profession, Hank. I was just entertaining the idea. That’s normal.”

“But why did you change your mind, huh?”

“I don’t think I can agree with becoming a public defender.”

“You sure it wasn’t because you don’t know enough about it? I think it was more likely you thought ‘oh, wow! All the years of schooling! And what an asshole I’d turn into.’”

Connor shut his mouth as he was about to argue that all lawyers weren’t terrible. That would be a distraction, and he was set on making the only point that mattered here.

“You don’t think I’m getting all the facts... because I’m not doing my research... because of *YOU*.”

Finally, the truth was out. The point of what he’d been wanting to say for weeks now, yet neither of them would.

Hank stared at him, not confirming or denying it. Which meant he was confirming.

“Hank...” Connor started, having been down this road with the same opening line for the 43rd time, now. Yes, he was keeping track.

“I’m not confined here. You’ve made it painfully clear that I have free will and can do as I please, so- LET me do as I please.”

“I think you’d do as I’ve been saying and get out there, Con, if you had more sense to know to. I’ve brianwaished you somehow into thinking sitting around watching tv and sleeping all day is normal. Yeah, lots of people do it, but it’s not healthy.”

“I am aware that low activity results in depression. But, I wouldn’t be anymore inclined to agree with you over my value of stimulation whether or not I was.”

“Is that the lesson I’m supposed to let you live with? That it’s ok to be unproductive?”

“I don’t think I’m being unproductive.”

“You do everything I do, practically. I mean you do keep the house clean, but where’s the fun in that?”

Connor sighed through his nose. His indication for being ‘super done with this’.

“Completing small tasks like cleaning are actually very self satisfying.” He mumbled. He didn’t expect for Hank to learn from it, though.

Hank did know what he meant.

He felt like a jerk for pressing so hard when Connor’s reactions were clearly genuine. The problem was, he could no more let Connor with all his wide-eyed wonder whittle away his life monitoring Hank’s drinking habits and sitting about than he could have allowed Cole. He’d be just as upset if Cole had grown into the man Hank was. Fresh, clean slate needed to live first before settling down to die.

Was Hank being dramatic? Connor thought so.

“I’m a grown man Hank. You can trust me to make my own decisions.”

“I don’t think you fully know how to when this is all you’ve known.” Hank made a vague gesture at himself and Sumo. Connor didn’t know what his precious fur baby had to do with any of this.

He wanted to say how ‘incapable’ that made him sound for being an Android and uncannily not quite ‘human enough’. But he wasn’t petty like that, and he knew Hank was only worried for him. Connor was the only person he had anymore, after all, and Hank was trying to be selfless enough to let all that go just for him to ‘live’.

The only thing about that was Connor was perfectly capable of ‘living’ while Hank was there. He’d been doing so for his entire deviant life.

Connor wouldn’t be half as good a man if Hank hadn’t been. He was the first one to show him such empathy and humanity, despite the 568 humans inhabiting his time at the Cyberlife Tower. No one could compare, and if you asked Connor, no one ever would.

Still, it was clear he wasn’t going to change his mind about it, despite Hank being the more flexible of the two. Feeling like he’d lost somewhere, Connor decided to give in and find an end to the matter.

“What do you want from me?”

Hank suddenly felt like an even bigger jerk now. The words were entirely without heart as Connor’s eyes had grown very tired. He was just saying whatever to please him now, which Hank knew.

On the other hand, this was his chance to make an impression. Even if it was a bit harsh to keep pushing, there was still hope if Connor would listen.

That’s what Hank believed.

He wet his lips. He wanted this to sound as diplomatic as possible, considering that was Connor’s favorite approach.

“I want you to start reaching out. I want you to start...figuring things out on your own.” It was harder to explain than that, and Hank struggled to find the words.

“Things like, what you want. What kind of people you want to keep in your life, besides an old man and his dog. Try to find your *own* interests, Connor- make up your own mind.” Not that he didn’t already, but Hank knew that the time they spent around one another was the greatest influencer over what the other did. He’d learned everything from the grisseled old cop, for better or worse.

“If you can just try to be your own man without using me like reference, or something....Ah, that’s weird to say, but I just feel that...”

Connor tensed his jaw. He felt a little uncomfortable now. He’d worried about this somewhere in the darkest corner of his mind, and now he was forced to wonder if maybe he‘d been clingy.

“Just....just figure yourself out for when I’m....uh..”

Hank didn’t finish that thought.

Connor was glad he didn’t as the mere implications were enough to make this that much bitter.

This self finding could end up being a slew of negative connotations, and trying to avoid life’s harder questions.

“Alright, Hank.” He murmured to the older man’s surprise.

He was agreeing?

It’d only taken 2 damn months...

“I’ll start trying to ‘figure things out for myself’.” Connor muttered, and Hank was angry he’d taught him how to sarcastically use air quotes.

“Are you happy now?”

“Con...” Hank rubbed his temples. This whole thing didn’t settle right.

“I was never unhappy. Alright?”

Connor didn’t say anything, clearly disagreeing. Hank didn’t want to push anymore, though.

He’d promised Hank he’d try to ‘find himself’, and the older man was not going to press his luck when things had been going so well for them.

It was hard to define the connection there, but he knew somewhere deep down Connor was anything but another friendly face. After nearly half a year, they were long past ‘pals’.

If this ended up changing things between them, then Hank could at least be happy knowing Connor was finally living the way he deserved to.

Evidently, it *did* change things, and Hank was so incredibly unprepared the moment it did.

Connor spent a lot of time outside the house. Hank didn’t ask him too often where he went, determined to encourage his independence. He made it sound as if Connor had absolutely none of it, but it’d become this unfounded struggle he couldn’t seem to let go of.

He knew that was ridiculous. That didn’t help him turn the dial down on his concern.

When Connor did share, it was usually about time he spent at Jericho and volunteering. There were a *lot* of androids who still didn’t have the resources they needed. Under Markus’ lead, and people helping like Connor, they’d get there.

This was more than good news to Hank.

He knew Connor had a hard time... connecting, so to speak, but had little evidence until recently that he’d at least been trying to.

Some androids weren’t so subtle with their unrest around Connor, being a force against their kind at one point, and for that, Hank had stopped trying to make him reach out. That wasn’t an ideal solution, but he came to find that Connor’s happiness was more important than the idea he should be ‘socializing’. He hit it off with enough people at the precinct to quell most of Hank’s concern, anyway.

When Connor came home one evening with news he’d found a college, Hank’s jaw nearly hit the floor.

He’d been pretty quiet for a few days, likely trying to find the best time to bring it up. Connor was unusually timid when he finally did.

Hank wasn’t sure if he was just nervous about taking the next step towards something new, or if he’d gotten it in his head somehow Hank wouldn’t be interested.

That second one made no sense considering Hank had been the one to tell (make) him go exploring. He was pretty sure he’d even mentioned education and a new job at some point of their arguments.

The reality was that Connor wasn’t afraid of either. He was afraid of something so much more unexpected than those.

He hadn’t assumed it would be a problem in retrospect. He knew it was necessary for androids to take courses or undergo a manual uploading of information to preform jobs they had no experience in. Depending on their original encryption, it made sense. A nanny unit would have a hell of an easier time learning the culinary field than Connor, a detective unit.

It wasn’t half the struggle and sacrifice a human student underwent, as androids learned at an astronomically faster rate than humans did. He’d be out in less than a third of the time they would.

No, all of that was great, and good, and perfectly not the point. Connor had bigger problems than what to study or student debts, and when it came time to address the matter with Hank, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have to leave state and go into hiding when all was said and done.

This wouldn’t go well no matter how he constructed it.

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cosmosogler · 6 years ago

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i keep putting off talking about my Many Feelings About Dead Pets and i know it’s not helpful but thinking about it makes me so sad.

i miss snoopy so much. i miss genevieve and i know i’m never going to see her again and i couldn’t be there to make sure things went as smoothly as they could when she was dying. i know she was laying there suffering and she was probably hanging in there so hard because she thought i might come back. because we belonged together.

that’s something i can never give her, now. that’s something she never got to have. this is just how her life went and it will be how her life and death went, forever.

i can’t describe how angry i am at my dad. he’s a coward. i can’t stand it. i can’t stand that there’s nothing i can do about it and there’s nothing i can do for eve. she didn’t deserve that.

there’s nothing that feels pathetic quite like starting to cry while you’re trying to eat food. or crying while you’re doing homework. i keep feeling like i’m going to throw up. i’m so upset. nothing is really making it better. it just keeps coming in tidal waves.

i know if i talked to people i might feel a little better but i don’t really want to spend energy interacting with people. there’s lots of people i LIKE talking to... but when i say “ok, well we’re feeling bad, so let’s pull up a friend’s chat window and say hi” my brain screams “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

and then when someone blessedly comes up to ME to say hi my brain screams “NO!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON’T WANT *THAT* PERSON” no matter who it is.

even close friends!

i haven’t even said anything about what’s going on with me on facebook... and i’m usually the first to complain publicly about my life. i guess, when usually i want to be around people, lately i just feel like i want to be left alone. even though i still want to be around people. it’s not a good combination.

how am i supposed to “feel” all of this? how do you “process” “an emotion”? my psychiatrist said i should do some kind of, like, memorial for my pets. but even thinking about it makes me start crying a lot. doesn’t matter if i’m cooking, or biking to campus, or even just laying in bed. thinking about writing a letter to snoopy? boom, instant tears. what would i even say? “i love you and i’m sorry”? do i need to write that down?

i feel so embarrassed about earnest expressions of, like, affection. most emotions in general but ESPECIALLY genuinely caring about something and saying something about it makes me feel super guilty if i see it again later. doesn’t matter what it is. if i tell a friend “i love you” i get antsy about it later. i can announce to the world “i love my puppy” and i’ll mean it, but if i try to say something, like, specific about eve? if i try to convey in words the exact extent to which i care?

god forbid i try to say something POETIC about it. or use some kind of metaphor or arrangement of words that might not mean anything grammatically, but emotionally resonates with me.

and then talking on twitter or here about how much i’ve been crying doesn’t feel good either. it kind of half feels like a joke. i joke that i cry when i see a dog on tv. how could i not joke about every time i do it regardless of context. i have to make it not matter. if it matters it’s bad... i don’t want people to worry about me... i feel pathetic... i’m just acting pathetic for attention... etc etc.

i decided against it, but yesterday i was gonna make some kind of comment about the emotions the characters experience in my comic and the ones i’m experiencing right now. like, “good thing i wrote out how they all deal with grief ahead of time!! because i totally nailed it.” or, “haha wow i wrote a whole story about how it’s bad to pretend you’re not feeling your emotions and then i immediately proceed to do everything possible to avoid my emotions!”

i’m a real winner.

i drew for a while today... i got 2/3 of a page done, which is a good solid pace for one day. i had to stop because i started feeling really restless and irritable about it. like, i wanted to keep going, but i also very much Did Not Want to keep going. it’s like that with the little written bit i’ve been working on, too... i want to write it, i want to tell my story and i want to express myself with some art, but i also just. i don’t want to do anything at all. i just want to throw up and cry a lot.

but i’ve got things to do... and i don’t like crying or throwing up. they feel bad. and life will keep going on without me if i don’t try to keep up. not that it matters. it’s not like they can double fail me out of the grad program. i haven’t been keeping up with my grading, which is like the one thing that is an actual obligation to people outside of myself. homework is making me miserable.

my psychiatrist recommended i spend more days doing absolutely nothing except things that make me happy, just to try to rest, but...

nothing is making me very happy. i don’t want to do anything. i have to spend a huge amount of energy just to get my game console turned on. the weather’s been kind of grubby so i haven’t wanted to go for a bike ride, let alone spent energy trying to convince myself to do it. it took me a lot of psyching myself up just to watch some youtube videos i had in my bookmarks. absolutely miserable.

vanessa got me to go to the medieval fair with her last weekend, but outside of that no one’s really approached me about keeping me busy. i feel kind of abandoned and isolated. even though i don’t even really want to talk to anyone. ian grabbed chipotle with me on friday night. that was nice. but it was also my idea and i had to get myself to club and then sit down for the whole three hours. i also read out chapter 3 of my comic, and THAT took a huge investment of my energy...

at least people liked it.

ruby from the discord channel has been leaving a lot of very nice and thoughtful comments on the art that i post there, and on one of the side comics i drew. owl has also been sending me long and very nice messages most days... there are people there. i just... still feel really bad.

so it comes back around to “i should probably do something to officially ‘grieve’ for my friends” but i guess i don’t feel ready. i don’t know what to say. i don’t know what there is TO say. thinking about it, thinking about starting or even just the concept makes me cry. then i want to avoid it. maybe it’s too soon... but i know it won’t be healthy if it is “too soon” forever. i should probably do something at some point.

i guess i can trust myself to get around to it whenever i feel ready. i am a person of action. i feel comfortable saying that about myself. so if i’m not doing it, it’s probably because i’m not ready. right...? i do things when i’m ready to do them... even if i don’t really want to.

i wonder if that’s true or if i use it to justify putting things off. maybe it’s a little of both. maybe it’s another stick i just use to beat myself over the head even though i’m doing a fine job.

haha. “people like my comic and really relate to blue? better beat myself up because WHAT IF I STOP DOING IT GOOD ENOUGH?” “i get the things on my to-do list done when i can, and can trust myself to get my chores / grieving done when i have the energy for it? WHAT IF I HAD THE ENERGY FOR IT ALL ALONG AND I’M JUST LAZY? LAZY!! SO LAZY!!!”

“but if you just tried harder...”

it always comes back to that, doesn’t it. if i just... ţ̻̭͉͐̑̍ͅr͈̫͇͚̦͇̥ͮͧ͊̇i̠͚̹̖͓̣̽͂e̩̲̯̩d̦͎͉̭̺̮ͤ̆̍ͮ͆͗ͅ ͛̆̓̓͂ͩͪ̀ ́͑ͭh̢͔̮̼͎̾̂̓͛̈͆̇ ̛͕̦̖̩̿a̺̹͓̳̮̹͠ ̼͓͕̝̘͎͙ͦ̐ŕ̉ͤ҉̣̬͉̼ͅ ̧̺̮ͦ͂̅ͮd̕ ̣̩̠͔ͯ̉ͣͩ̆̓e̝͛͌ͥ ̺͚̲̺̰̥̈ͫrͪ̓ͩ҉̼̭̟͕ͅ.............

if i tried harder... what? my dog wouldn’t be dead? my cat? i would still be in my phd program? i would have a job? i would be finished with chapter 4, which i wanted to be done with by the end of last year??

could i even try harder? i feel like i’m going at 100%. can i try harder? i don’t know how. i don’t know how to do anything different from what i’m doing (other than, like, not doing things, or being an asshole. i can do those things... i can also not do them, and i am currently trying very hard to not do them).

i know that my trying isn’t good enough. i guess that’s the source of my uncertainty and my guilt. it’s not good enough. how do i make it good enough? will it ever be good enough? maybe not... where does that leave me?

i’ve been thinking about something from group therapy for the last entire week. one person said they were jealous of their peers. i asked what that meant for them. they said it mostly felt like being really frustrated with themself.

i said... i said something like “oh i feel like that all the time but i don’t call it jealousy.” and... that’s true.

i’m so afraid of doing something bad or feeling a Bad Emotion that i’ve been trying so hard to reframe all the thoughts and emotions. but... the word fits. i feel jealous of all the successful people. i don’t like admitting that, it doesn’t make me feel very good at all, but it feels true.

i’m jealous of all the people who get more followers than me more quickly, even though i feel like i’m doing everything that they do. i’m jealous of my classmates who can pass tests even though i’m the one helping them with homework (yeah i know it goes both ways but IT GOES BOTH WAYS, I AM THE ONE HELPING SOMETIMES, I AM THE ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS, SOME OF THE TIME, AND YET THEY ARE IN THE PROGRAM AND I AM NOT).

i don’t like this about myself. i don’t like these things. i don’t like feeling like this. i know that’s just how it is and i gotta deal with it. but i don’t know how to change how i feel about it. i’m not even jealous of the skill or anything. i know how good i am at physics, at art, at telling stories... i’m jealous of the attention i guess. knowing that about myself is makin me miserable.

miserable on top of snoopy. on top of eve. on top of how my group therapists broke The Rules. on top of the school obligations. on top of losing the whole reason i moved out here, to get an education... on top of my brother sinking deeper into his abhorrent political and moral identity. on top of my dad being a coward, on top of mom jumping down my throat to get a new cat and get a job and get all these things done and just try harder. on top of hating eating food because it makes me so sick half the time. on top of not getting any sleep, not enough sleep for so long. on top of every one of the hundreds of minor inconveniences and annoying things that pop up every single day. on top of feeling lonely and isolated and unable to keep myself, like, socially stimulated i guess. i’m tired and restless and exhausted and agitated and i never get any rest.

i feel like, no matter how hard i work to be a good person, no matter how much time i spend plugging up all the holes in the dam with my fingers and “fake it til you make it” and “you are what you practice” i’m still going to just be bad and worthless. i’ll mess up at some point and everyone will realize how much i suck and then they’ll all leave. it only takes one slip up.

i know tumblr’s whole “callout culture” thing gets to me. i don’t even... do any of the major “talking points” that come up with that sort of thing. but i know how easy it is to just make it up or take something i said out of context. i’ve been physically beaten up over it before, taking my words out of context... it’s not just tumblr that stresses me out even though i know tumblr specifically is SUPER not helpful. i know how dangerous it is to be queer-ish and female. participating in a fandom again feels like i’m throwing myself out into a spotlight. or maybe a microscope light. i know attention is bad. but i want attention. but i know it’s bad. but i want people to see what i made. but i know it’s bad...............

i miss my kitty. i loved her so much. i can’t get over that at the end she was trying to comfort me. i miss diogi. i miss brushing her and all those little moments where she seemed truly happy under the anxiety. i miss genevieve. i loved her more than anything. and i could show her that, i know she knew that, but i couldn’t show her forever like i wanted to. i wanted to be with her forever. i know that’s not how it works, but deep down it’s what i wanted...

#ugfhhhghghhh the sadness #dead pets

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seriouslytryingtoeatclean · 6 years ago

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In all seriousness I am obviously joking.

If you’re truly thinking about being healthier going into this new year, fuck. yes. Join the cool kids’ club.

If you’re dealing with some kind of addiction or vice standing between you and good health, please scroll down to the post right below this one and buckle up for not-the-most-compassionate-but-still-very-heartfelt real talk.

If you’re just looking to maybe adopt some healthier eating habits and lose a few lbs...

You.

Got.

This.

Maybe you’re extremely overweight or inactive and it’s starting to affect your daily life? No sweat. It’s honestly never too late to make a few changes and turn things around.

I honestly suggest you consider it too, because the alternative is not, like, the best ever.

In all truthfulness I try not to care too much what other people do, because when people barge their way into my life and try to dictate to me what I should or should not be doing I get pretty furious.

However, if you’re in my life I truly care about you and I passively hope you ocassionally read one of my rambling blogs in the off-chance something I’ve written makes actual lucid sense and possibly lends a helping hand in some strange way.

So, back to thinking about getting healthy going into this new year.

Why tho?

Life is meant to be lived!

Why not have a party ‘till you die?!?!

You can totally do that if you want.

Actually, the trick is to learn how to party your fucking face off in moderation which has kind of a long adjustment period depending on what you’re going through and what your party resume looks like but with age and maturity it can be done and it’s the fucking BEST.

I was a fucking alcoholic pill-popping monster in college and my 20’s and now I just enjoy boozing ocassionally with friends when I’m not too stressed out about something else.

It’s literally the best.

And of course I understand that traditionally with addiction it’s an all or nothing thing and if you’ve gotten clean and are looking at this as a free pass to start testing the waters back in *whatever* again... well, for the record that’s in no way what I am saying. If you can’t exercise moderation, that sucks. Too bad for you. Go ahead and send me hate messages about how wrong I am and how dare I comment on the addiction process and blah, blah, blah, I am happy to ignore those.

Also, if you are a self-proclaimed rock star of whom the normal rules of science do not apply and you are out to see what your body can handle probably stop reading right now because the rest of this is for people who aren’t trying to recreate Hunter S. Thompson’s life in real-time. I totally feel you but I’m not about that life so, again, not the blog for you.

Also, please don’t message me and ask me to help guide you or wonder if maybe we could be roommates. Don’t you even think about bringing that evil up into my life!

Is my apartment the Robert Young Center? No it is not.

(Also, for the record (from now into the everlasting future), no I don’t want to try any of your weed. You don’t know the monsters I have known!)

Ok, so, if you’re still actually reading this and wanna talk (i.e. read what I have to say) about making some healthy steps so you can feel better and party with your friends in moderation and just feel good most of the time let me start by giving you a scenario:

(It’s real life too! Mine!)

Imagine you’re halfway through grad school and you’re working part time and you’re fairly stressed out and could not be more single because you are hovering around 4 bills on the bathroom scale (I mean it goes up to 350 and you are just burying that needle - SIDE NOTE: weight and self-worth are independent and my weight was not the sole reason for my solitude) and you kind of did this to yourself because you had like some unwanted attention previously that affected your career so then you knew if you looked way different you wouldn’t have to deal with that and then also, hello, grad school, just have a different career? Well, let’s say one night you are procrastinating on writing a paper, as you usually do, and you just kind of lose consciousness at one point for no real reason which is a little alarming so then you go to the ER and they are like:

“Bitch you could not have type 2 diabetes any harder right now. Are you even being serious with what a disaster this blood work is?!” - the doctor’s not quite exact words.

Um, problem.

If we’ve not met, my name is Lauren and I have been super-unhealthily preoccupied with my weight and appearance since 3rd grade. I’ve always been tall. Like, very talll. And in 3rd grade the entire class had to line up and get weighed for some reason and I tipped the scales far and above everyone else by a substantial amount. SUBSTANTIAL. And I was so weirded out because I honestly was a thin little adorable girl that just happened to be like a torso taller than everyone else, even the boys, and I internalized that number on the scale being so different from everyone else that I fucking snapped and have lived a life of complete body preoccupation that I wish upon no one. At that time my parents had just gotten divorced, my mom younger brother and I had just basically ditched my father as he was recovering from a horrible injury to move in with my grandparents, I literally did not even know what was happening around me half the time and then the universe felt like springing this complex about how much I weighed on me? Thanks just, SOMUCH! I’ll be sure to cycle through all the available eating disorders possible for the rest of my life!

In all seriousness, that’s just a little peek into my personal bullshit. Which when you get right down to it is just a bunch of first world problem whining.

The real problem is that tons of young women (and men too) in this country know all too well how all of that above rambling feels and that’s truly sad. So many people feel like shit about their appearance and weight and that is just really such a shame and waste.

Maybe you grew up with the most insecure and low-self-esteemed examples around you because some of your family members were/are just the worst.

Maybe you made your way into some kind of corporate career and were poised for some real success but then your boss got drunk and demanded that you “show him your fucking tits” or told you how hard you make his dick or how happy he is to see you stopping by the office after hours in the dark and goes in for some kind of strange embrace and you aren’t totally sure what to do in any of those situations because, uh, whattheactualfuck, so you default to doing nothing because you don’t think anyone cares or will believe you or you were worried about what could happen to your other coworker(s) if you said something and then you don’t have those jobs or opportunities anymore.

Maybe you grew up in a household where portion control and/or constructing a whole and actually balanced and nutritious meal wasn’t a thing or a possibility.

Bummer!

All of those scenarious are difficult. It’s not your fault people and/or situations fucking suck but it is up to you how you’re going to react to people and situations like that moving forward and the picture you’re going to create in your mind of how you view and see yourself which has a direct impact on how those around you see and view you.

Bottom Line: If you want to get healthy this new year and want to make changes to your life, if you are doing them for yourself, you are going to kick so much ass I can’t wait to see your progress. You’ll be engaged in the process and actually invest in learning how to do things right and will fucking blow your own mind with what you’re capeable of.

Oh, one last thing, to reference back up to the picture at the beginning of this post. Definitely let loose and enjoy the holidays first. January 1 is the perfect time to start. Once you really commit to health and stop eating a lot of junk and then try to go back and eat some it actually physically hurts and a holiday season without many treats is a holiday season no one should have to endure! 🤪

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