#i am a filthy cheater and i am going to use my skills at cheating to win the goddamn national championships of the game of life

[boopjuice]

Fuck you, Executive Dysfunction!

Heard that instant reward systems work well for ADHD motivation because you can immediately have the positive response of reward after you complete an action, which is why ADHD kids struggle with homework but excel in things like video games. It partially fits with what research I've done into ADHD, though more research may further prove or disprove this, but i decided to give tasks I need to get done points and it works?

I've got stuff I have set up for everyday (showering, eating, the works) that I give a set point value. Then I have things that I need to get done that change day to day, and I assign them point values based on how urgent or important they are. Then I have things I want or want to do, and I have to earn and then spend that many points in order to do those things.

I'm trying to build in a system of reserve points, where half of any points earned and not spent at the end of the day get carried over into a points reserve for bad days where i don't feel like I can get things I need to do done, but can still give myself something fun without feeling guilty and making it worse. Sort of like all the extra tasks I did before giving me a safety net. If i use the reserve points, I can't collect any points for that day, and if I've already collected points I can't dip into my reserves. But hopefully it can help with depression days where you feel like you can't do anything productive but you also don't feel like you can do any of the things you want to do until you've done something productive.

I haven't been trying it out for long, but it's been really helpful in making sure the things I need to get done get done.

[forever-rogue]

Could you do number 17 with our boy Ben? Thanks! 💖

17. “It’s just unfair to carve your pumpkin on both sides! It’s cheating!” “It’s creativity, you should try it."

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Y/N, love, come out here!" Ben called excitedly from the backyard. You stopped what you were doing, turning on the sink and washing the sugary dough off of your hands. You had been in the midst of baking cookies, eagerly waiting anticipating Ben's return. You just hadn't expected him to sneak in and make his way out into the backyard. He had such am excited tone to his voice, your suspicions were immediately raised. What kind of trouble had your husband gotten into?

Drying your hands off, you exchanged a concerned look with Frankie before making your way outside. Your worry immediately disappeared as you found Ben standing there, grinning at you as he gestured to a smattering of pumpkins surrounding him.

"What on earth?" you asked quietly, a smile spreading across your face. You had been wanting to get pumpkins - it was the last bit you needed to complete your Halloween decorating, "Ben, there are at least ten pumpkins here!"

"Twelve to be correct," he pointed at the two smalls hidden by the large pumpkins. He had picked out a variety of colours and shapes, including that were perfect for carving, "do you like them? Gwil came out and helped me pick them."

"I love you," were the only words out of your mouth before you ran over and threw your arms around him, pressing a kiss into his cheek, "they're all beautiful and they're all going to look lovely."

"The real question is does Frankie approve?" he cooed at her as he put his arm around you and pulled you into his body, gently kissing the top of your head.

She looked between the two of you a view times, before coming over and sniffing the pumpkins, her little wagging back and forth in approval. You leaned down and picked her up and giving her lots of little kisses and she pressed her nose against your cheek.

"I think they're keepers," you giggled, "and so are the two of you. Who could ever ask for anything better than you. You make me so happy."

"You're such a cheeseball," Ben laughed as you set Frankie back down and started to look through the assortment. You picked up one of the small, greenish orange pumpkins that little bumps all over it, "I had a feeling you would like that one."

"It's lovely," you insisted, displaying it proudly, "it's beautiful in it's in own way, you know? It's not trying to impress anyone, it just exists in it's own perfect way."

"Just like us," Ben said quietly, touched by your sweet words; you always knew exactly what to say, how to turn anything into a moments of kindness, "what do you say we finish this cookies I saw you starting? We can carve them after dinner and perhaps keep and bake the seeds?"

"Sounds perfect," you insisted, "but you have to deal with pumpkin guts! Those are husband duties!"

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Are ya ready, Freddie?" you asked as Ben walked back in, carrying two steaming cups of hot chocolate. You sat crossed legged near the fire place, the pumpkins in front of you, ready for carving as you were surrounded but carving utensils, bowls for the innards and newspaper to catch any of the mess.

"Ready Freddie," he grinned at you, as took a mug from him, taking a long sip and chewing on a few of the mini marshmallows. Ben watched you for a second, not saying a word, but the small smile on his face. You looked at him and raised your eyebrow in question but he just shook his head.

"What?" you nudged his leg with his yours, trying to get an explanation out of him, "what's got you all smiley?"

"Nothing," he insisted, reaching over and gently touching your face, running his fingertips over the contours of your cheekbones, "I love you. So much."

"I love you too, Ben," you felt your cheeks heat up under his intense scrutiny. No matter how long you'd been together, he still made you feel all shy and giggly, like it was the first time all over, "I married you, so I that would be proof of that!"

"I mean, yeah, that be some solid proof," he agreed, his own face flushing slightly as you gave him a kiss, "but let's get carving! How about we make it a contest? Winner has to make a full course dinner tomorrow. I'm talking appetizers and dessert."

"Oh, you're so on Jones," you eagerly accepted his challenge; you never turned one down. The two of you were constantly trying to one up each other, but all in good humor of course, "prepare to eat crow, my love."

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised," he insisted, causing you to laugh. You won the game every year, you always did, "I've been practicing my carving skills, so watch."

"Well, alright then," you grabbed your phone and set a timer, "one hour, let's go."

»»————-　♡　————-««

The timer on your phone went off and you laid your carving knife down. You were proud of your creation, and eager to show Ben.

"Hey, hey," you reached for his knife, seeing that he was still attempting to carve a few last bits, "no cheating!"

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I wasn't cheating...just perfecting!"

"Nope," you said quietly, loudly popping the p, "time to reveal!"

"Okay then, on 3," he said as you nodded, "1...2...3!"

You both turned your pumpkins around, asking off your designs. Ben's mouth immediately dropped open as he looked at your pumpkin.

"It's unfair to carve both sides of your pumpkin! That's cheating," he pouted and looked at the cat design on one side, and the ghoul on the other. They were both expertly done as usual. You just stuck your tongue and shrugged your shoulders innocently.

"Its creativity," you insisted, admiring the little smiley faced pumpkin he had carved, "you should try it."

"You're a filthy cheater," he whined, "but a good pumpkin carver and I love you, so you can win. Only because I'm letting you!"

"Thanks, love," you burst into laughter as Frankie came over and sniffed the freshly carved pumpkins, lingering slightly at Ben's, "she says you're the winner. How about we both win and cook together tomorrow?"

"Deal," he agreed, "anything for my girls."

[victor-artist]

Colorful feelings and some news

Feelings are such a strange chemical reaction

something our brains developed to expose every action

There are many all around us that are supplementary

Don’t believe me? check a dictionary

But not all emotions are depicted as their original name some are described as a color’s name

But now a days I don’t know what to tell you since I am an artist isnt it iconic I am feeling blue I once thought I’d be filled with a red romance

Better yet I never thought this ideal within me would ever change it’s stance By now you all know i have been betrayed and lied to by people i cared for

had such a great time with the blocking galore

The very few I had such a pink affection towards were my closet to my heart

For them I made sure to be there and cheer them with my skills and art

I supported them so much through out the years and i knew

despite all the problematic relationships from the past with them, love would bloom anew

I always warn people I dislike cheaters and betrayals toward their beloved

Those who never listened to such a  simple request away I shoved

I was so happy with the little I had and thought it was something precious

When I held onto that person i found to be so special

so many scars and so many wounds that person upon their existence

something which I so eagerly patched up, cleared with all of my assistance

through thick and thin we went through it all

something that cheered me so much and i felt so ball

I never would of thought the person draped In black

the one I trusted all these years would be the one to stab my back

I keep no secret about myself to no one

so people cant  black mail on the long run

How come years of knowing me makes people still hide and don’t put their trust upon me

little did i thought i would ever consider myself as un-trusty worthy as i could be

Upon the realizations upon this discovery

seeing the person I loved and I worked so hard to get their full recovery seeing the lie right onto my face seeing them lying for so long it really flung me out of place

I guess i will never really learn it No matter I show my love they will never return it

I think everyone could make mistakes once in a while Though you made so many i always wanted you to smile

I just really didnt think you’d make me break

It never really crossed my mind before but for now “meeting you was a huge mistake“

__________________________________________________ This is an announcement

I decided I had enough of it all...

I am leaving the internet for a long while, won’t be logged in here nor will try make any posts until I feel better

I am just extremely broken left and right and well this gonna be a huge thing so might aswell copy paste what happened ““

I have been thinking a lot the latest I think I am giving up finding someone to actually trust and love all together the only thing that happened when i trusted people is them just betraying and toying with me and I seriously filtered everyone away that wasn't trust worthy the few people I loved were people i knew for 3 ENTIRE YEARS do you know how it feels admitting you love them and then spend all that time being all cuddly and close just for them say they are mated for the entire duration of it all it just feels so sickly and wicked and i feel so filthy and disgusted with myself Of the few people I could openly admit I loved them ALLL OF THEM were cheating their relationships with me ALLL OF THEM 7 PEOPLE 7 PEOPLE that KNEW how i felt about mated people onto me but no... they just had to keep it a secret until their mates find out and come onto me and once they break up the people who cheated on their mates blamed me ;-; I just like , rather live life single and die a virgin than have to suffer through this again I have been searching my entire life since I always was blinded with my positive nature to find someone and just let my heart open up and let all my love and investments onto the people I love but... I guess that's how you can be used, toyed and betrayed really since I didn't question much, I was always there to help them feel better I'd go draw doodles to cheer them heck even buy games to make them happier and all I spent so much energy, time and devotion to them and heh..... I guess they simply took advantage of it all and knowing that if I knew they were mated I'd stop that so unlike me who never hides behind any lies they just kept lying and that just build this time bomb I guess siiiigh.... I am just eating so many pills to control my epilepsy the latest due to mine being triggered by stress I nearly daily the latest have been tipping over having to force feed myself those stronger meds to keep me from having any seizures so heh..... guess love is gonna kill me ""

_____________ Anyway, I am just gonna go and be away

So yeah, I’ll quit the streams I usually do weekly and all aswel

so I guess... Bye for now?

unsure how to really say it since I never thought I’d get this kind of shit onto me