#i am a filthy cheater and i am going to use my skills at cheating to win the goddamn national championships of the game of life

[boopjuice]

Fuck you, Executive Dysfunction!

Heard that instant reward systems work well for ADHD motivation because you can immediately have the positive response of reward after you complete an action, which is why ADHD kids struggle with homework but excel in things like video games. It partially fits with what research I've done into ADHD, though more research may further prove or disprove this, but i decided to give tasks I need to get done points and it works?

I've got stuff I have set up for everyday (showering, eating, the works) that I give a set point value. Then I have things that I need to get done that change day to day, and I assign them point values based on how urgent or important they are. Then I have things I want or want to do, and I have to earn and then spend that many points in order to do those things.

I'm trying to build in a system of reserve points, where half of any points earned and not spent at the end of the day get carried over into a points reserve for bad days where i don't feel like I can get things I need to do done, but can still give myself something fun without feeling guilty and making it worse. Sort of like all the extra tasks I did before giving me a safety net. If i use the reserve points, I can't collect any points for that day, and if I've already collected points I can't dip into my reserves. But hopefully it can help with depression days where you feel like you can't do anything productive but you also don't feel like you can do any of the things you want to do until you've done something productive.

I haven't been trying it out for long, but it's been really helpful in making sure the things I need to get done get done.

[forever-rogue]

Could you do number 17 with our boy Ben? Thanks! 💖

17. “It’s just unfair to carve your pumpkin on both sides! It’s cheating!” “It’s creativity, you should try it."

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Y/N, love, come out here!" Ben called excitedly from the backyard. You stopped what you were doing, turning on the sink and washing the sugary dough off of your hands. You had been in the midst of baking cookies, eagerly waiting anticipating Ben's return. You just hadn't expected him to sneak in and make his way out into the backyard. He had such am excited tone to his voice, your suspicions were immediately raised. What kind of trouble had your husband gotten into?

Drying your hands off, you exchanged a concerned look with Frankie before making your way outside. Your worry immediately disappeared as you found Ben standing there, grinning at you as he gestured to a smattering of pumpkins surrounding him.

"What on earth?" you asked quietly, a smile spreading across your face. You had been wanting to get pumpkins - it was the last bit you needed to complete your Halloween decorating, "Ben, there are at least ten pumpkins here!"

"Twelve to be correct," he pointed at the two smalls hidden by the large pumpkins. He had picked out a variety of colours and shapes, including that were perfect for carving, "do you like them? Gwil came out and helped me pick them."

"I love you," were the only words out of your mouth before you ran over and threw your arms around him, pressing a kiss into his cheek, "they're all beautiful and they're all going to look lovely."

"The real question is does Frankie approve?" he cooed at her as he put his arm around you and pulled you into his body, gently kissing the top of your head.

She looked between the two of you a view times, before coming over and sniffing the pumpkins, her little wagging back and forth in approval. You leaned down and picked her up and giving her lots of little kisses and she pressed her nose against your cheek.

"I think they're keepers," you giggled, "and so are the two of you. Who could ever ask for anything better than you. You make me so happy."

"You're such a cheeseball," Ben laughed as you set Frankie back down and started to look through the assortment. You picked up one of the small, greenish orange pumpkins that little bumps all over it, "I had a feeling you would like that one."

"It's lovely," you insisted, displaying it proudly, "it's beautiful in it's in own way, you know? It's not trying to impress anyone, it just exists in it's own perfect way."

"Just like us," Ben said quietly, touched by your sweet words; you always knew exactly what to say, how to turn anything into a moments of kindness, "what do you say we finish this cookies I saw you starting? We can carve them after dinner and perhaps keep and bake the seeds?"

"Sounds perfect," you insisted, "but you have to deal with pumpkin guts! Those are husband duties!"

»»————-　♡　————-««

"Are ya ready, Freddie?" you asked as Ben walked back in, carrying two steaming cups of hot chocolate. You sat crossed legged near the fire place, the pumpkins in front of you, ready for carving as you were surrounded but carving utensils, bowls for the innards and newspaper to catch any of the mess.

"Ready Freddie," he grinned at you, as took a mug from him, taking a long sip and chewing on a few of the mini marshmallows. Ben watched you for a second, not saying a word, but the small smile on his face. You looked at him and raised your eyebrow in question but he just shook his head.

"What?" you nudged his leg with his yours, trying to get an explanation out of him, "what's got you all smiley?"

"Nothing," he insisted, reaching over and gently touching your face, running his fingertips over the contours of your cheekbones, "I love you. So much."

"I love you too, Ben," you felt your cheeks heat up under his intense scrutiny. No matter how long you'd been together, he still made you feel all shy and giggly, like it was the first time all over, "I married you, so I that would be proof of that!"

"I mean, yeah, that be some solid proof," he agreed, his own face flushing slightly as you gave him a kiss, "but let's get carving! How about we make it a contest? Winner has to make a full course dinner tomorrow. I'm talking appetizers and dessert."

"Oh, you're so on Jones," you eagerly accepted his challenge; you never turned one down. The two of you were constantly trying to one up each other, but all in good humor of course, "prepare to eat crow, my love."

"Oh, Mrs. Jones, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised," he insisted, causing you to laugh. You won the game every year, you always did, "I've been practicing my carving skills, so watch."

"Well, alright then," you grabbed your phone and set a timer, "one hour, let's go."

»»————-　♡　————-««

The timer on your phone went off and you laid your carving knife down. You were proud of your creation, and eager to show Ben.

"Hey, hey," you reached for his knife, seeing that he was still attempting to carve a few last bits, "no cheating!"

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I wasn't cheating...just perfecting!"

"Nope," you said quietly, loudly popping the p, "time to reveal!"

"Okay then, on 3," he said as you nodded, "1...2...3!"

You both turned your pumpkins around, asking off your designs. Ben's mouth immediately dropped open as he looked at your pumpkin.

"It's unfair to carve both sides of your pumpkin! That's cheating," he pouted and looked at the cat design on one side, and the ghoul on the other. They were both expertly done as usual. You just stuck your tongue and shrugged your shoulders innocently.

"Its creativity," you insisted, admiring the little smiley faced pumpkin he had carved, "you should try it."

"You're a filthy cheater," he whined, "but a good pumpkin carver and I love you, so you can win. Only because I'm letting you!"

"Thanks, love," you burst into laughter as Frankie came over and sniffed the freshly carved pumpkins, lingering slightly at Ben's, "she says you're the winner. How about we both win and cook together tomorrow?"

"Deal," he agreed, "anything for my girls."

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: NXTAmherst

(They didn’t allow photography inside the show so here’s a picture of Amherst people doing their favorite thing, holding signs and chanting)

Hey! While you folks were watching CORPORATE WWE’S NO MERCY PPV, I was living it up indie-style! Er, corporate indie style. Along with my friends Mark and Mike, I went to see an NXT house show in Amherst, Massachusetts, where I lived from 2000 to 2002. How would the residents of this famous bastion of liberalism take to the grappling action of NXT? What kind of superstars would make the journey to the Pioneer Valley? How many people would we see who we previously saw wrestle in dive bars? LET’S TAKE A LOOK:

What: NXTAmherst, the last stop on a brief tour of the northeast

When: Sunday, Sept. 24, 2017 at 7:30 p.m.

Where: The Mullins Center at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst

Who: A very, very small crowd. I’d be surprised if there were 600 people in attendance. I have definitely been to bigger indie shows.

Show Notes: Mark brought his camera along to the show, which he’s done at previous NXT and WWE house shows. NOT THIS TIME, PAL. We were informed at the door that “absolutely no photography” would be permitted inside. “Ya gotta keep your cell phones in your pocket,” the guy told us. What gives, Triple H? ARE YOU BANNING PHOTOGRAPHY BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THE EMPTY SEATS? Whatever the reason, we had to walk back to the car, deposit the camera, and then walk back to the Mullins Center, a cavernous basketball arena that they had cut in half for the show. Even then, it looked deserted. When we finally got inside, they told us we had “qualified for free upgrades,” and went from sitting in the stands to chairs in the sixth row back from the ring. They moved nearly everyone onto the floor because there were so few people. Amherst: not fertile ground for the NXT Xperience.

The Street Profits (Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins) vs. Tino Sabbatelli and Riddick Moss

The show started, as WWE shows do, with the national anthem, something people in the Pioneer Valley are not used to. Especially considering the hoopla over NFL players declining to stand for the anthem yesterday. When the ring announcer asked us to stand and remove our hats for the national anthem, a guy in front of me said, “Oh, what the fuck,” while someone else said “We should all take a knee.” This is not talk radio country, is what I’m saying.

Anyway, the match. A perfectly fine wrestling match. You could, if you were so inclined, hold this up as an example of wrestling to someone who’s never seen it: the babyfaces were fired up, the heels were shitty and cheated, the crowd lustily cheered the good guys and booed the bad guys. Montez Ford in particular looked fantastic in his dual role as face-in-peril and high-flying action man. Sabbatelli and Moss are a little generic for my liking, and I have to admit I hate the Street Profits’ gimmick. Hey, they’re black guys from the mean streets, and they’re about to GET FUNKAY. How many black wrestlers in the WWE have never had to dance as part of their gimmick, at least a little bit?

Good match, though. Street Profits win.

Rating: Three Banned Cameras.

Oney Lorcan vs. Lars Sullivan

I haven’t been watching NXT regularly, or any WWE TV regularly, so I’m not hip to this Lars Sullivan cat. In the 1980s he would have been a guy on one of those knockoff Road Warriors teams, kind of a random big dude, probably with face paint and a name like Havoc Crash or something. 

But it’s 2017, and he’s just a very big dude without face paint or a cool name, who does a gorilla press slam and avalanches in the corner and that’s kind of it. Oney made Sullivan look like a monster by bumping like a lunatic, though. At one point, Sullivan lifted Oney over his head and threw him, hard, into the ring post while they were brawling on the floor outside the ring. It was crazy! 

Short match, not a lot from Sullivan, but Oney worked hard. I feel like Oney is going to be the Sami Callihan of 2018: the guy who NXT Just Didn’t Get, and who comes out for an insanely good sprint through the indies. Hard to imagine Oney wearing a cat mask, though. 

Rating: Two and a half Banned Cameras.

The Iconic Duo (Billie Kay and Peyton Royce) vs. Dakota Kai and Kairi Sane

Pretty stoked for this! I did not realize we were going to get to see Kairi Sane and Dakota Kai in person. 

I run hot and cold on Billie Kay and Peyton Royce. I’ve liked some of the stuff they do, but their mean girls shtick is running a little thin for me. Not for a guy sitting to my left, though. “Peyton Royce, that’s my girl! I love you! I love you, boo! Come to my house!” I bet that works, buddy. I bet she comes over to your house after the show. Congratulations on your pending nuptials to Peyton Royce.

(btw I can’t tell Peyton Royce and Billie Kay apart, they’re like the new Make and Blurphy)

This was OK! Dakota Kai played face-in-peril, suffering from the dastardly antics of the Iconic Duo. We didn’t really get to see her do much of the stuff she can do, and we saw about 15 percent of what Kairi is capable. I mean, it’s a tag match in front of 500 people, I don’t expect them to have a nine-star classic. 

We got to see the diving elbow, which was great. The “walk the plank” thing is much more OK in person than on TV. I kind of hate it on TV. I realize that’s heresy. Just call me John Wycliffe, baby.

Rating: Three and a half Banned Cameras.

Hideo Itami vs. Roderick Strong

There’s no one in NXT I feel worse for than Hideo Itami. He couldn’t have been Nakamura, because he didn’t have that kind of superstar vibe, but he could have been Asuka: a relentless engine of pure ass-kicking. Those two major injuries, though, have probably foreclosed on any chance he ever had of being a contender, or even of making it to the main roster.

He’s still good, though, and this was a good, stiff, nasty match between two dudes who can really get filthy. Strong was firmly in his Mr. ROH nice guy role, which was fine, because Itami was a sadist. Just like with Kairi and Dakota, there was the sense we were only getting a small portion of what these guys can do, but they did it well.

This was the only match for which the crowd was “indie-style,” I guess, in the sense that they cheered for the clear heel, Itami, as well as the face. Getting people to dislike you in pro wrestling has become one of the hardest things. Everyone should study Maxwell Jacob Friedman, the guy is a master at it.

Rating: Three Banned Cameras.

SAnitY (Eric Young, Killian Dain, Alexander Wolfe) vs. The Undisputed Era (Adam Cole BAYBABY, Bobby Fish, Kyle O’Reilly)

What is SAnitY’s gimmick? Like, what are they? I had to answer this question because a guy sitting next to me, not a big wrestling fan but there with his young son, was baffled by them.

“What are they supposed to be?” he asked.

And then I realized, I don’t know. They are ... man, I don’t know.

“Are they, like, actors in a play?”

I almost laughed at first, but wait: that’s kind of perfect.

Whatever they are, they were wrestling the ROH Outsiders. Listen, I like those three guys a lot, but there were points during this match when I started to understand Vince’s point about indie wrestlers being small. I don’t think of Eric Young as a big guy, but next to each member of UE, he looked huge. Taller by a few inches, sure, but also just a much bigger frame, more muscle. 

And if EY looked big, Alexander Wolfe and Killian Dain looked like fuggin’ giants compared to reDRagon and Adam Cole. Fortunately, Adam Cole has an insane amount of charisma (the kind of thing You Can’t Teach) and Bobby and Rilo Kiley are skilled workers.

They mostly bumped around for the Actors in a Play. I haven’t seen much of NXT lately, as I mentioned, so I didn’t realize that (a) SAnitY are good now, and (b) the Ring of Honor guys are ... what, exactly? 

At times during the match it seemed like they were classic shitheel cheaters brutally imposing their will on the hapless babyfaces, and then would abruptly switch to being cowardly pussies getting their asses handed to them. Kind of odd booking here.

The match ended with Undisputed Era taking a deliberate countout, which isn’t bad, really. The crowd hated it, but it made sense, given the idea that these are dudes who Don’t Give a Rip about playing by the rules.

Rating: Two and a half Banned Cameras.

INTERMISSION

Mike and Mark walked the concourse while I stayed at my seat and surreptitiously looked at my phone. So intense was the No Photos edict that I had seen Mullins Center event staff approaching people and forcing them to delete pictures they had taken. But I got a phone call during the first half of the show and wanted to see what that was. Also, I am a rebel without a cause:

EFF YOU HUNTER, I DID A PHOTOGRAPHY WHEN YOU SAID NO ONE COULD DO A PHOTOGRAPHY

Back to the show:

Johnny Gargano vs. Raul Mendoza

Match of the Night right here folks. Raul Mendoza came out to crickets, followed by a “Who are you?” chant. He was in the Cruiserweight Classic and lost to Brian Kendrick in the first round, but I had to google that. I had no memory of this nondescript-looking cat. This looked to be a squash match for Johnny Wrestling.

BUT HOLD THE PHONE, MABEL. Raul Mendoza can fucking GO. He put on a clinic, busting out high-flying lucha libre moves, countering Johnny’s offence, using the ropes like he was born amongst them. And he did all this while being kind of a chubby dude, hence one of my favorite types of wrestlers: shockingly agile, but with love handles.

Halfway through the match, the crowd totally turned, and was chanting “MEN-DO-ZA! MEN-DO-ZA!” Gargano also looked great here, to give the man his due. That spear from the apron he hits looks so much better in person, especially from six rows back. I thought he broke Mendoza’s ribs when he it.

Ultimately, Johnny won with the GargaNo Escape, but classily let Mendoza have the ring, as chants rained down on him. If this had been an indie show, we would have been chanting “Please come back! Please come back!” So good. I want to see more Raul Mendoza! I got a fever, and the only cure is a strong dose of Vitamin Mendoza!

Rating: Four Banned Cameras.

Sonya Deville vs. Liv Morgan

The cool down match. Sonya Deville has an MMA gimmick, Liv Morgan has a Carmella gimmick. This could have been a lot shorter. Deville is impressive looking, physically, and Morgan needs work. A Deville squash would not have been out of order. The highlight of this match for me was that Mike was pretty well in his cups by this point, and he was very, VERY pro-Liv. He was upset when she tapped to a triangle choke.

Rating: Two Banned Cameras.

NXT Championship Match: Drew McIntyre (champeen) vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas

I have tired of Drew McIntyre in what may be record time. When he came to NXT at WrestleMania week, trailing intrigue from EVOLVE and TNA, I was like, “Hmm, OK, I’m engaged.” And then he had a hot-as-heck match with Oney Lorcan and I was all YES I am Ready for Drew McIntyre. And since then, eh. I don’t know. The win over Roode felt blandly predictable. Not a lot of juice in that feud. And now you have a noble babyface champion in the grand WWF/E mold, which is to say, he’s boring and without a discernible character.

Almas is Almas. Or maybe he’s La Sombra, as three guys in Bullet Club shirts sitting near us kept chanting, along with random shouts of “tranquilo!” We get it, guys. You are knowledgeable fans who know the real score. They also called Killian Dain “Big Damo,” Dakota Kai “Evie,” yelling out “Drake Younger!” at the former CZW man who is now a referee, etc.

Twenty years ago, an NWO shirt was a sure sign that someone was a casual wrestling fan, the kind of person scorned by the hardcore crowd at ECW shows. Today, a Bullet Club shirt is usually a signifier of the opposite: this is a person who is going to tell you how “KENTA” was so much better in his matches against “Dragon,” oh wait, sorry, you probably know him as “Daniel Bryan.” 

Another crowd thing: people love doing that “One-Two-SWEEEET” thing during a two-count. Little kids were doing it, who hopefully haven’t been corrupted by Wrestling Twitter yet. It’s just a fun thing for kids. That’s fine. Kids can shout whatever they want at wrestling shows. Everyone else, though: stop doing this.

Anyway, this match was boring. There was never any sense that Almas could actually win this thing, so there was no drama. Both guys worked hard, though. After the match, Undisputed Era ran out and beat on Galloway. Babyface after babyface ran to the ring to help, only to get beat down themselves. It started to feel like one of those PWG shows where Super Dragon and the Young Bucks beat up everyone on the roster. Then SAnitY came out and beat the hell out of Undisputed Era. Then everyone else beat the hell out of Undisputed Era. Then Undisputed Era left, because they got beat up so badly. It was 8 vs 3, and they lost. WWE has a weird way of making heels sympathetic underdogs. It says a lot about greed-swollen psychopath Vince McMahon.

Rating: Two Banned Cameras.

[victor-artist]

Colorful feelings and some news

Feelings are such a strange chemical reaction

something our brains developed to expose every action

There are many all around us that are supplementary

Don’t believe me? check a dictionary

But not all emotions are depicted as their original name some are described as a color’s name

But now a days I don’t know what to tell you since I am an artist isnt it iconic I am feeling blue I once thought I’d be filled with a red romance

Better yet I never thought this ideal within me would ever change it’s stance By now you all know i have been betrayed and lied to by people i cared for

had such a great time with the blocking galore

The very few I had such a pink affection towards were my closet to my heart

For them I made sure to be there and cheer them with my skills and art

I supported them so much through out the years and i knew

despite all the problematic relationships from the past with them, love would bloom anew

I always warn people I dislike cheaters and betrayals toward their beloved

Those who never listened to such a  simple request away I shoved

I was so happy with the little I had and thought it was something precious

When I held onto that person i found to be so special

so many scars and so many wounds that person upon their existence

something which I so eagerly patched up, cleared with all of my assistance

through thick and thin we went through it all

something that cheered me so much and i felt so ball

I never would of thought the person draped In black

the one I trusted all these years would be the one to stab my back

I keep no secret about myself to no one

so people cant  black mail on the long run

How come years of knowing me makes people still hide and don’t put their trust upon me

little did i thought i would ever consider myself as un-trusty worthy as i could be

Upon the realizations upon this discovery

seeing the person I loved and I worked so hard to get their full recovery seeing the lie right onto my face seeing them lying for so long it really flung me out of place

I guess i will never really learn it No matter I show my love they will never return it

I think everyone could make mistakes once in a while Though you made so many i always wanted you to smile

I just really didnt think you’d make me break

It never really crossed my mind before but for now “meeting you was a huge mistake“

__________________________________________________ This is an announcement

I decided I had enough of it all...

I am leaving the internet for a long while, won’t be logged in here nor will try make any posts until I feel better

I am just extremely broken left and right and well this gonna be a huge thing so might aswell copy paste what happened ““

I have been thinking a lot the latest I think I am giving up finding someone to actually trust and love all together the only thing that happened when i trusted people is them just betraying and toying with me and I seriously filtered everyone away that wasn't trust worthy the few people I loved were people i knew for 3 ENTIRE YEARS do you know how it feels admitting you love them and then spend all that time being all cuddly and close just for them say they are mated for the entire duration of it all it just feels so sickly and wicked and i feel so filthy and disgusted with myself Of the few people I could openly admit I loved them ALLL OF THEM were cheating their relationships with me ALLL OF THEM 7 PEOPLE 7 PEOPLE that KNEW how i felt about mated people onto me but no... they just had to keep it a secret until their mates find out and come onto me and once they break up the people who cheated on their mates blamed me ;-; I just like , rather live life single and die a virgin than have to suffer through this again I have been searching my entire life since I always was blinded with my positive nature to find someone and just let my heart open up and let all my love and investments onto the people I love but... I guess that's how you can be used, toyed and betrayed really since I didn't question much, I was always there to help them feel better I'd go draw doodles to cheer them heck even buy games to make them happier and all I spent so much energy, time and devotion to them and heh..... I guess they simply took advantage of it all and knowing that if I knew they were mated I'd stop that so unlike me who never hides behind any lies they just kept lying and that just build this time bomb I guess siiiigh.... I am just eating so many pills to control my epilepsy the latest due to mine being triggered by stress I nearly daily the latest have been tipping over having to force feed myself those stronger meds to keep me from having any seizures so heh..... guess love is gonna kill me ""

_____________ Anyway, I am just gonna go and be away

So yeah, I’ll quit the streams I usually do weekly and all aswel

so I guess... Bye for now?

unsure how to really say it since I never thought I’d get this kind of shit onto me

[thatsmisssluttoyou]

Words From The Other Woman

Trigger warning: the final section of this piece deals with rape/ rape culture, victim blaming and slut-shaming. If this is a trigger for you, please don't read it. As much as I hate to admit it, I've knowingly been "The Other Woman". Initially, my thoughts on it were along the line of "hey, I'm not the one doing wrong here". Being much older and wiser, and having been in her shoes,  I now know that's not the case. I have facilitated another person to cheat, and it is wrong. Having cheated myself, I can understand the motives these men had to do what they did with me. Some of them craved the excitement; the thrill of getting caught out is almost as good as the deed itself. Others cheat because they feel unloved and unappreciated by their spouse, and sought me out to give them the comfort they weren't getting at home. Others cheat purely and simply because they want to. 1. The Sniper
I met him through a mutual friend.
Instant attraction.
I knew he was all but married and still responded when he pursued me.
He cheated because his relationship had become more like a friendship/ partnership, and he craved physical intimacy and sexual exploration.
He had the most piercing blue eyes I'd ever seen, and a voice that could melt butter. He was also a man in uniform (which, God help me, I'm defenseless against).
He was a sort of early sexual mentor and friend. We shared a deep and abiding affection for each other, but never love. He never made the stereotypical promise to leave his wife for me, and I never asked him to.
He very carefully tested and pushed my sexual limitations, and taught me that almost anything can be used as a prop during sex. He was like some kind of filthy, sexual macguyver.
My favorite memory with him is playing "happy driver" - foreplay while the person is driving- and nearly ending up in an accident. 2. The Friend
The friend and I are (happily) still friends. Though these days we have no "benefits".
He was cheating on his girlfriend at the time because she was reasonably inexperienced,  and therefore a bit "vanilla". He wanted to fuck someone who wouldn't cringe when he talked filth in her ear; someone who could play a bit rougher than a kitten swatting a butterfly. That is what I gave him -I also showed him a few tricks of my own, particularly to help make things easier with his lady love.
She and I knew each other and she'd always hated me. Now she had an actual, justifiable reason to. When she found out, all hell broke loose.
Naturally, it was all my fault, because I'm such a slut. And at the time it hurt, but if I had a do over, and knew then what I know now, I'd brave the risk of a smack in the face to kiss her cheek and thank her. 3. The Cute Geek.
This one is recent.
He is cheating because feels he has to hide a big chunk of who he is to keep his partner happy; she wouldn't accept certain aspects of his life.
That's where I come in.
Even though I know it's wrong for me to do this- emotionally and morally- I am still doing it.
First and foremost, he was honest about it.
Secondly, we haven't slept together... yet. We mostly just hang out and do geeky things. To me, spending time with someone you're attracted to when your partner isn't around and that your partner doesn't know about constitutes cheating.
I'll keep you posted on this one! 4. My Frenemy's Boyfriend
Before the term "frenemy" was even coined, I was enabling cheating. Not that I'm particularly proud of this one.
My frenemy dangled her man in front of me in a kind of "I have something you don't have" kind of way. I think he was her first love. She was definitely blind to his wandering eye (and wandering hands).
I didn't think too much of him initially, to be honest. It wasn't until he started his full-on pursuit of me, that I even noticed anything attractive about him.
He was tall, broad shouldered and definitely in charge. He was pretty brazen in his attempts to touch me in front of her on the sly- though his timing was impeccable.
Sex with him was satisfying; though now I attribute the enjoyment to my smug satisfaction at getting one over my frenemy than of any particular skill on his part. He's another that was particularly well endowed, but mostly inconsiderate and lazy.
He provided me the best lesson when it comes to serial cheaters; they aren't going to change. He also gave me my first experience in terms of being violated.
Approximately 3 months after we had been basically exclusive, he pulled the same thing on one of my friends. Same cheesy lines, same games. But I could see it happening. And I called him on it.
One night, he finally cracked my friend and she gave in, thinking I was passed out on the couch. I wasn't. I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next morning, I awoke to him spooning me; all over me too. Couldn't stop touching or kissing me. I was stupid enough that I let him, thinking it was like make up Sex.
That wasn't his intent at all, really.
He whispered in my ear "I have a surprise for you; I want to try something different with you"... Before I could ask him any questions, he gripped me tightly to him, with his hand clamped over my mouth and aggressively entered my ass in one swift shove.
At that time, I was the most painful thing I'd ever felt in my life.
I wrestled and thrashed and bit his hand until he understood my intent and let me go. I literally threw him out of my apartment and halfway down a flight of stairs.
My butt stung for a good week. It was so uncomfortable to sit.
You're probably wondering if I reported it... I'm ashamed to say, I didn't. I already had a deep understanding of rape culture, victim blaming and slut shaming.
I knew that even though he did not have my consent, it would be my fault. Because I asked for it by letting him touch me intimately. Or because I wore short skirts. Or because I'm a slut.
This is the same reason that has stopped me from ever reporting the many times I've been abused. Because I never trusted the power of my own voice. And by the time I learned to, it was far too late.
I ran into this guy some years later. The years had not been kind to him. He struck up a conversation with me in a bar and I was drunk enough to be civil, even though I knew he didn't deserve the courtesy.
Later that night, he watched me like a predator as I danced in the cage at this bar. The second another man spoke to me, he charged like some rabid bear and dragged me from the cage by my forearm and down a flight of stairs. I lost my footing on one of the stairs and split both of my shins open.
He towed me from the club, assuring my mates he was taking me home as I'd "fallen down after too much to drink".
He carried me into my apartment and instantly tried to force himself on me.
Luckily, my friends had followed us, to make sure I was ok and caught him.
He ended up with a broken nose, a black eye and a broken windscreen (from trying to make his getaway). It may only be a fraction of what he deserves, but it's a start. Miss Slut xx
#thatsmisssluttoyou #sex #mistress #theotherwoman #theotherwomanspeaksout #rapeculture #victimblaming #slutshaming