#i am a dragon if u we're wondering

[greenteacology]

dragon spotted in the city..,

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Hello! So i know that I am WAY! less knowleged than u re: asiof but I have a question about the Prophecy (AA/PTWP). I did a deep dive on it and GRRM spoke repeately about handling prophecy carefully/not too literally etc 3 weeks ago at Oxford he repeated: "you cannot have a prophecy that comes true way it was written and everbody understands it(..) it has to come true in a way you didnt understand(..)so it bites you in the ass" So rather than "who has the most obvious PTWP clues" shouldnt we theorize "how will the idea of AA/PTWP backfire on the believers" or "how can a unique/unpreditable element fill the role"? Since Im assuming GRRM stance will likely apply to the biggest prophecy in the books. What do you think? do you know theories like that? If anything, I only see "the prophecy is just nonsense!!" but that is clearly also not what GRRM says: not prophecy is bogus but has to be unexpected or "bite you in the ass".

Hey! No, you're far too kind 😭

I completely agree with you, and you raise some interesting and important questions, especially when considering how these ideas reflect back on our protagonists.

The tricky thing with interpreting prophecy is that the characters are operating on second-hand, third-hand, or even more distant accounts, all filtered through their cultural understandings of what a hero should be. Their beliefs are shaped by the information available to them, which is often incomplete or distorted. This means each character's idea of who is the subject of prophecy is largely subjective, influenced by their biases and specific cultural narratives and thus might never present the whole truth! So as readers, we should be very cautious about how we interpret the declarations presented by any character as absolute truth. We will probably never know until the final book is published, and even then it might be murky at best.

I saw GRRM’s comments a few days ago, and they really resonated with me because they align with how I’ve been feeling lately, particularly regarding Melisandre's role in all of this:

“[…] It is written in prophecy as well. When the red star bleeds and the darkness gathers, Azor Ahai shall be born again amidst smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone.” (Davos III, ASoS)

It's often amusing in fandom to discuss how wrong Melisandre is, and she certainly is almost all the time. But lately, I've been wondering: what if we're wrong too? We focus so much on Melisandre misidentifying Azor Ahai, but what if she completely misunderstands her own role in all of this—and we're too blinded to notice it?

Because the issue isn't just that she's chosen the wrong person. The bigger problem is that she's fixated on providing what she believes are the necessary tools to defeat the Others. She wants to "wake dragons out of stone”, repeatedly asserting that "two kings" are needed to wake the dragon so they can serve Stannis Baratheon. This thinking leads to the burning of Shireen—because someone must die to forge the hero's weapon. Melisandre even sees herself as expendable in this grand scheme. But what if her entire understanding is flawed—not just about who the hero is, but about the very dragon she is trying to awaken?

I've been considering all this because "dragons" in the text don’t always refer to actual winged creatures—they're often symbolic descriptors for Targaryens in visions. For example, Moqorro's visions show dragons old and young, true and false; Baelor Breakspear appears as a dragon falling on top of Dunk; and a dragon egg hatching essentially symbolizes Aegon V. So if we're taking prophecy at face value, just as Mel does, we're left wondering where in seven hells she expects to find her "sleeping dragons".

But the thing is, she already has one: Jon Snow. In fact, her visions in Dance suggest that Jon is the one she is truly searching for. And I often think of these visions as moments where I go, "Oh, come on, Mel! It's not that guy; it's the other one!" Yet I've come to realize that even if she identifies Jon correctly, Mel would still face the dilemma of needing another sacrifice to "wake" Jon's dragon. However, she is likely to resurrect Jon before reconnecting with Stannis, which means that by the time she and Stannis consider burning Shireen, she may have already awakened the dragon - and thus fulfilled the prophecy.

If Jon is the awakened dragon, that adds a tragic irony to the whole situation with Mel and Shireen. Legend has it that the woman (Nissa Nissa) dies for the hero’s glory. But if Jon is the dragon, then does that make Melisandre Azor Ahai in this case? After all, we don't know much about the original prophecy so who knows how much it has been distorted over time?

But wouldn't that be such a twist? Mel isn’t a noble lady or royal; she's a former slave, a mere priestess—a tool, a guide, but not the hero. She never considered that she, a woman, could be R’hllor’s chosen. Yet she would perform an actual miracle in bringing a dragon back to life. And if, like me, you believe that Jon will be born from a funeral pyre (inverting Khal Drogo and Dany's dragon eggs), then the prophecy is turned entirely on its head.

This also raises the question: what about Shireen? What does she, an innocent little girl, die for? Why should she have to die for a dragon that is already living? Why should she have to die to exalt a false hero, when the true miracle worker is actually the "expendable" woman who stands before her? Then we have Melisandre carry the baggage of killing a child for something she had successfully completed before...It doesn't matter if she's able to perform some bastardized miracle and create a shadow dragon, because it would all be all for naught and a wasted effort. To me, this is more satisfying from a character development perspective because Melisandre is no longer a background character. She’s got POV chapters now, which means she has an arc that needs to reach its natural conclusion. It cannot begin and end in service of the men around her. She must reflect on her role and come to terms with her actions—both good (waking the dragon in Jon) and bad (sacrificing Shireen for something she had already accomplished and for a prophecy she had already fulfilled); and this could lead to some compelling writing. This might also answer your question about "how will the idea of AA/PTWP backfire on the believers?”. Because “incorrect” interpretations not only hinder progress, but the cost of human life is perhaps too high :/

Oops, so sorry for the long tangent.....

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

(FE: Engage) Alear / Crossover Emblem Rings

Honestly, I couldn't really think of anything unique for a reverse situation, so instead, I raise you Alear meeting even more crossovers, cause apparently I can never escape my insatiable hunger for mixing games/show together.

Hope you enjoy, @unknownsymbol367!

Awakening:

(Vander) "Hm. I have never heard of this Emblem, but perhaps we should go ahead with the incantation?"

Alear nodded.

(Alear) "May all your blessings find their way their way to us, Emblem of the Witch!"

From the ring burst forward a giant being of steel, alongside a small red haired girl. She began to panic as her arms flailed in a pattern.

(Suletta) "I-IT CAN FLY! IT CAN DANCE! AERIAL!"

She froze in a pose with arms outstretched, clearly panting and showing signs that she was about to fall over. Which was impressive, given she was just a manifestation and not a physical being.

(Alear) "..."

(Vander) "..."

(Suletta) "..."

Alear and Vander stared at the girl silently, not entirely sure what to make of the situation.

(Alear) "...M-My name is Alear, and this is Vander. We require your help miss...Aerial?"

(Suletta) "U-U-Um...! Aerial is my sister. M-M-My name is S-Suletta!"

(Vander) "Are you alright? You seem to be sweating a concerning amount."

Alear rose her eyebrow in confusion, silently whispering to the side.

(Alear) "...Marth, are you able to sweat?"

(Marth) "No, we're not...Just a moment."

Marth floated over to Suletta, which she recoiled at the sight of him suddenly materializing in front of them. However, the steel giant known as "Aerial" seemed to have its eyes glow in response.

(Marth) "I am Emblem Marth, we are on a mission to defeat the Fell Dragon. May we count on both of you?"

Suletta looked incredibly nervous before looking at Aerial, whose eyes flashed again. Though no one heard any noise come from the being, Suletta suddenly had a determined expression.

(Suletta) "Right, if I run, I gain one. Move forward, and gain two!"

(Alear) "Hah, I think I quite like that saying. We're lucky to have you!"

===

Supports:

===

Alear

(Suletta) "I heard your mother was a wonderful person. I-I'm really sorry to hear what happened..."

(Alear) "Thank you, Suletta. I'm glad you still have your mother, and your sister to support you."

...

(Alear) "Suletta, I swear I'm hearing someone else talk to me whenever it's just us..."

(Suletta) "Hm? Oh, that's just Aerial saying hello! She's louder on some days more than others."

===

Clanne

(Suletta) "W-wow! You're so young! Reminds me of Chuchu..."

(Clanne) "From what I've heard of your friend, I don't want to make her angry...!"

...

(Clanne) "You say you pilot Aerial? That must take an incredible strain on your body."

(Suletta) "I've never really noticed a physical strain on myself with Aerial before. I-Is that normal? T-There's nothing wrong with me r-right?!"

===

Chloé

(Chloé) "You always seem so cheerful when having lunch with us, Suletta. I only wish we could let you have some of the local cuisine as well!"

(Suletta) "T-Thank you for the offer miss Chloé, b-but I must decline! Grilled rat seems..." shudders

===

Rosado

(Rosado) "Aerial looks absolutely adorable! But, I think she could use a few more ribbons on her. What do you say, Suletta?"

(Suletta) "Adorable? I don't think I've heard anyone call her that. Maybe we can spruce the cockpit up? I'm afraid the ribbons might get burnt up by the beams or the thrusters..."

===

Lucina

(Lucina) "Hah, looking at you talk to Aerial reminds me of my own family."

(Suletta) "Do you think my mom can meet yours? I'm sure she'd love to meet them!"

===

Victory Quotes:

"It can fly, it can dance! Aerial!"

"Move forward, gain two!"

"The only result is the truth!"

Awakening:

Alear, Marth and Vander looked at the ring with growing concern. What kind of ring to help defeat the Fell Dragon would be called the "Emblem of Calamity"? And the incantation didn't help put aside fears either.

Alear sighed before he nodded. It's better they have it than the enemy.

(Alear) "Devour our foes, Emblem of Calamity!"

A long black haired woman emerged from the ring, clothes and cape visibly torn as she stoically turned towards the group.

(Velvet) "...Who are you supposed to be?"

(Alear) "My name is Alear. We're on a mission to defeat the Fell Dragon, thus we have summoned you."

(Velvet) "You know my title and you still chose to summon me? You're clearly desperate."

(Vander) "You will not address the Divine One that way!"

Velvet's eyes glanced over to Vander, visibly getting more annoyed.

(Velvet) "If you want my help, then suck it up. Or should I eat you too?"

(Marth) "We can all be friends, Miss Velvet."

(Velvet) "I'm not here to make friends. I just want one person in my world dead...Alear, right? What is your plan for the world once this Fell Dragon is gone?"

(Alear) "To work towards a brighter future?"

(Velvet) "Not dictated by reason?"

(Alear) "Dictated by...? N-No. Peace."

(Velvet) "...I suppose that'll do for now. Let's get moving."

(Alear) "Thank you, Velvet."

===

Supports:

===

Alear

(Alear) "You put up such a harsh exterior, but you're quite kind! I've seen how you speak with Jean and Clan-"

(Velvet) "Tch, I have no idea what you're talking about. Spread any rumours like that, and I won't hesitate to eat you."

...

(Velvet) "I appreciate that you clean your own room despite having servants. Not a half bad job of keeping it tidy, either."

(Alear) "It just never felt right to me, letting someone else do all the work...Y-You're glaring at my bed pretty badly there. Is something wrong?"

(Velvet) "Who ironed your bed? It's covered in wrinkles! You need to properly-..."

(Alear) "Hah, Velvet, it's all right!...V-Velvet? Wow, she's still going on about the proper technique..."

...

Jean

(Jean) "ACK! H-Hi, Velvet...D-Did I do something wrong? You're staring at me."

(Velvet) "...Nothing. Sorry."

===

Alcryst

(Velvet) "I'm only gonna say this once. Knock it off with that self deprecating crap and you mean the world to your brother."

(Alcryst) "H-Huh? But-"

(Velvet) "Shut up and let me finish. In a war like this, you don't know what will happen. So cherish the time you have with him, and remember he'd never forgive himself if you get yourself killed."

(Alcryst) "...R-Right." ...Why did she look so sad saying that?

===

Louis

(Velvet) "...Watch where your eyes wander, Louis, or else I'll gouge them out."

(Louis) "Oh, apologies if I have offended you, Velvet! I was merely observing the way you speak to others."

(Velvet) "Tch, even Phi has more tact than you..."

===

Kagetsu

(Kagetsu) "Ah, thank you for the sparring, Velvet! It was quite the thrill to finally fight you!"

(Velvet) "Hmph. You remind me of someone back home..."

===

Goldmary

(Goldmary) "Have you no shame, Velvet? I must acquire you a new set of clothes this instant! With my taste, you'll be wowing men in no ti-"

(Velvet) "Touch my clothes, and I'll eat you."

===

Bunet

(Bunet) "Why, your recipe has come out spectactularly! How did you acquire such skills?!"

(Velvet) "Heh, I learned from my sister, who learned it from my mother. All of our cooking is passed down. Too bad I can't cook it myself...Not that I could taste it anyway."

===

Victory Quotes:

"No mercy!"

"Show's over."

"Is that all? That was barely a fight."

Awakening:

Alear felt a burning rage from within the ring just holding it. Whoever was inside would make a strong ally indeed.

(Alear) "Receive us, O Emblem of the Dragon!"

A man in a gray suit slowly rose from the ring, turning and cracking his knuckles.

(Kiryu) "My name is Kiryu Kazuma."

(Alear) "Kiryu, it's nice to meet you. I'm Alear, we need your help in defeating the Fell Dragon."

Kiryu nodded and stepped forward.

(Kiryu) "There's room for only one dragon in this world."

Alear awkwardly coughed as Vander and Marth smiled. Straightforward, but he was at least easy to work with.

Supports:

===

Alear

(Alear) "Your fighting style is incredible, Kiryu! Do you think you can teach me some of your moves?"

(Kiryu) "I'm no teacher. And your fighting isn't something to sell short either."

...

(Kiryu) "So, you're a real dragon?"

(Alear) "That I am...Well, rather I'm told that. The Divine Dragon, specifically but honestly? I don't feel that different."

(Kiryu) "I see..." (How did I even get to this point in my life...?)

===

Etie

(Etie) "WOAH! Your muscles are so dang ripped! You gotta tell me your workout regime!"

(Kiryu) "I've never had a woman ask me that before...Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt, considering our circumstances..."

===

Alfred

(Kiryu) "Why do you keep staring at my arms?"

(Alfred) "Huh? Oh! S-Sorry, your biceps are massive! Can I feel them?"

(Kiryu) "That certainly explains Etie..."

===

Jade

(Jade) "Kiryu, may I trouble you for your experiences in the...How do you say, yah-koo-zuh?"

(Kiryu) "There's nothing funny about the life we lead. It only leads to misery, so I'm afraid I can't help you with your ideas."

===

Anna

(Anna) "You just throw your money out to distract people?! Talk about a waste!"

(Kiryu) "Aren't you a little young to be worrying about that kind of thing?"

===

Pandreo

(Pandreo) "Holy smokes, Kiryu! You got a KILLER singing voice!"

(Kiryu) "Heh, I've been told I have a passion for karaoke. I doubt anyone understood what I was saying, but I'm glad you enjoyed it."

===

Byleth

(Byleth) "People keep telling me I have a hard to read face."

(Kiryu) "Hm, I do as well. I'm not exactly sure how to change that..."

===

Victory Quotes:

"Want to die? THEN STEP UP!"

"That's rad."

"Kakatte koi!"

Awakening:

(Alear) "Accept our mission, Emblem of the Soldier!"

Electricity shot out of the ring, as a man slowly stood up from all fours, bandana flowing in the wind.

(Snake) "This is Snake. Kept you waiting, huh?"

(Alear) "I'm Alear. We need your help in defeating the Fell Dragon."

(Snake) "Any backup?"

(Alear) "Plenty. You have me, and the rest of the army at your side!"

Snake looked to Alear, Marth, and Vander.

(Snake) "An army, huh? Not used to fighting in a unit this big. But, sounds fine to me. What's my first mission, Colonel?"

Supports:

===

Alear

(Alear) "If I may ask, why exactly do you call me Colonel?"

(Snake) "Feels more comfortable than me calling someone "Divine One" all the time. Besides, you don't like that title much either, right?"

(Alear) "Hah, fair point."

...

(Alear) "You want me to do what in that box?"

(Snake) "Sit inside it and hide. It works a lot better than you think it does."

===

Framme

(Snake) "You know, you remind me a lot of a girl I know named Sunny. She's just as positive as you."

(Framme) "I'll take that as a compliment, mister Snake!"

Lapis

(Snake) "You make your own gear on the field? Impressive."

(Lapis) "Oh, I doubt it's as impressive as anything you'd make, Snake. Mine are just little knick knacks and things to make life a little more convenient."

Yunaka

(Yunaka) "Wow, you're a lot deadlier than you look."

(Snake) "Could say the same to you, Yunaka. You're smart to hide that fact...Even if it is a little obvious."

Zelkov

(Zelkov) "Snake, you are quite the enigma of a man."

(Snake) "Can't say I have a straightforward past. I can probably guess the same for you." ...Why is he speaking like that?

Fogado

(Fogado) "So, you say you don't believe in the supernatural when you see monsters rising up and us using magic?"

(Snake) "In my world, I don't. Here, I can understand the magic at least, so that means I can fight it."

===

Victory Quotes:

"This is Snake, I'm done here."

"Mission accomplished."

"Showtime!"

[anticapitalistclown]

the other day I was rewatching boys planet's here i am performance with all 93 of the contestants and my brain might as well have been the average lookism comment section, the way I was going "WHERE THE FUCK IS JAY!" lmao

anyways I've been obsessed with onepact lately and my bias is jay chang bc he's beautiful and a rly good singer and he's adorable and funny with big sparkly eyes and pretty eyelashes and a pretty voice and a fat ass and he's just my ideal man, he's just perfect overall <3<3<3<3<3<3<3 here's a pic of him as u can see he's beautiful

last year he had a documentary series about his solo album. the series was supposed to have 4 eps but only 3 are up and I'm just wondering what the fuck happened to the last one.

if i were that photographer id go back to my s/o and be like sorry, we're breaking up, i saw jay chang in person and realized i deserve someone better. then I would cry bc there's only one jay in the world and I can't have him.

Hi Emmie! sorry for always replying late!

I'm glad you're keeping your passion on kpop, and I hope they keep bringing happiness to you <3

(also you have a great taste on idols)

I might as well return to kpop since G Dragon is back and Seunghyung (TOP) is going to appear on the second season of squid games

[agentrouka-blog]

Im wondering and pls feel free to correct me: but u know how ppl say Jon being the main hero is cliche hidden prince turns king, or princess Dani coming with dragons and becoming queen is cliche, but how isnt Bran the same fantasy cliche? He's a member of the protagonist family, gets the biggest superpowers, (likely) is a main hero (or even THE hero) of the Long Night/savouir of humanity and the final King of Westeros. Doesnt seem like fantasy tropes played straight are off table?

Well, the fact that he is having all these adventures as a significantly disabled child is already making Bran a LOT less of a cliché than any able-bodied, arguably handsome, teenaged/young adult protagonist who is already wielding significant political power in the course of the books, creating an attractive image to latch onto.

Bran is also exhibiting some extremely dark tendencies during this journey that are much more clearly pointed out as such by the text than those of, say Arya or Daenerys. His abuse of Hodor in unambiguiously disturbing and wrong. We are being made to understand very clearly that he is handling a dark, villainous power, and is being lured into further darkness by a man running the world's biggest surveilence network. He could as easily become a complete monster.

What we'll see with Bran isn't a plucky child hero being Very Brave and Saving the World. We're seeing a heartbroken and angry child recognize the darkness in himself, in his family history, and using that understanding to make a significant, painful and permanent sacrifice for a purpose larger than his own happiness. He's taking that superpower and destroying it.

And then he'll be left that disabled child who thought he could be fixed but he could not and he will no longer be powerful at all. He will have to struggle through the same grief and loss and indignity he tried to avoid before. That is not particularly cliché, I think, especially for a child protagonist. And that's what it will look like for the longest time, in terms of his endgame.

I don't believe he'll be rewarded with kingship as a result of his involvement in the ending of the ice threat, a hero hailed by all. I doubt it will even be common knowledge how exactly it goes down, because that'd be a hard tale to put into an easily digestible story for the songs, I suspect.

I am very certain that Bran's kingship is going to be a surprise twist at the end, something out of left field, to do with his Tully/Whent inheritance and absolutely not geared around making him a powerful, absolutist monarch in the style of the Targaryens, but a figurehead for a new parliamentary system. Bran the Unlikely. A strange new burden in a strange place away from home, but also a strange new adventure. One he is equiped to bear because we saw him sacrifice power and self-interest for the greater good.

I'll openly admit to not being a fantasy expert, but it doesn't strike me as all that cliché. It's not a story of triumph against all odds, it's a story of grief and acceptance and humility, ending in a strange twist of fate.

[andypantsx3]

I find it so hilarous that you immediately hated fourth wing😭😭 I liked the book, so I was wondering what about it you hated?

Warning: slight Fourth Wing spoilers ahead!!

Omg I wanted to like it so bad!! Like, the idea itself sounds amazing. A war college, dragons, a hot bad boy dragon rider love interest who you initially think is out for your blood?? It makes sense that you would enjoy it!!

Please know that my dislike of this book is in no way a reflection on your own tastes!! It's just my own extreme fussiness at work against me.

You might note that I always write Readers who are aggressively average and/or have Big Side Character Energy, and that is in direct reaction to how much I personally don't vibe with the Special MC, the Cool Girl MC, or the Edgelord Angry Girl MC who seem to like, makeup the core of main characters in YA and new adult romances these days!!

I want to say I think it's soooo important that we have those though. Like I think it's so empowering for women to be exploring the same types of MCs that men have been writing for ages, and you could argue that the point of a protagonist is specifically to be standout for a reason! And this book has like a 4.7 on GoodReads so like, people think it is fire and I am just one guy!!

But yeah I just don't vibe with Violet. As soon as I learned she had special naturally occurring ombre hair that ended in silver I started to have my doubts. And then she gets dressed all cool in a tightfitting corset armor made of scales just to cross a parapet thingy which just seemed like it was written to make us think her outfit was cool because it didn't end up being important to her Basgaith entrance. And when I learned she gets two dragons I was out. I think she just gave off Special Girl MC vibes without ever spending time earning any of her coolness, so I noped out!!

And another nit, for which I am absolutely no one to talk because I'm amateur as hell, but I also thought Rebecca Yarros' world-building was messy. Like when Violet is crossing that parapet into Basgaith and she just word-vomits exposition about the country and that's how we're expected to initially learn about Navarre really bugged me! It seemed lazy or inexperienced and I really thought her editor should have taken that and been like, what are u doing here, do real writing!! But they didn't! 😭

Um so anyway yeah, TLDR I just didn't vibe with it because I am a picky little weenie. But I am extremely jealous that you did because I think it's a very cool concept and I think you and I should exchange brains so I get to have nice things. :)

[ablatheringblatherskite]

im kinda scared but 🌻

AWWW HIII

okay since you're a fellow HTTYD lover maybe I can share how I fell in love with this franchise :DD

It happened longgg ago, in the early 2010s, when I was but a wee lass, just five years old. And when we walked into the cinema and started to watch that movie, my mom said I was positively AWESTRUCK. Apparently I was literally leaning forward in my seat and GAPING at the screen. And I kid you not I'm pretty sure that moment changed my life forever. Like, aside from a now deep rooted love for dragons, I'm pretty sure it affected my taste in films, books, and even music too. The kind of stories I like to consume and create. Idk how to pinpoint it exactly but I'm pretty sure it's true.

And I've loved HTTYD ever since too 😭 my siblings and I watched all the series, and when the second movie was announced I remember being so excited to see how much Hiccup and everyone else had grown 😭

Even now that I've had countless new favorites, countless new phases and hyperfixations, HTTYD still remains as my favorite. And I don't think anything can ever change that. Growing up with this franchise has been amazing and I'm so glad that it found me when it did 🥹

also if I remember correctly i think u said u found HTTYD not in childhood? and if that's true I hope u know that u shouldn't ever feel bad if things aren't ur childhood!!! u are just as much an HTTYD fan as anyone is, including ppl who grew up with it. HTTYD found u at just the right time!!! (idk if this is a thing for u but I know that when I hear how ppl were into something I love way longer I feel bad because I wonder if I'm just as valid of a fan as them, so I want to make sure u know that you are 🥹)

that was a fun rant HAHAHAHA thank you. You are one of my favorite mutuals and I'm so happy and honored to consider you a friend!! Thank you for also liking me for who I am!!! It means a lot 🥹 And I'm also so blessed that we're both growing as Christians at the same time so 🥹 *hug*

[void-kissed]

🍓 cuz you're a lovely person with words as sweet as a strawberry!!! 😁✨️ (Dragonsmooch)

Hey, hold on a minute, friend, I'm the one who's supposed to be doing the complimenting here!! Thank you kindly, dear dragon - for both sending the strawberry and for what you said as you sent it~

(source: this post by sakizremade)

send me a 🍓 and i'll compliment u! - Well, where am I to possibly begin with such an awesome figure as yourself? There's just so many options! For one thing, you yourself are just generally really nice and fun to be around; I always love seeing you pop up in the Discord server we're both in, for example. For another thing, you selfship with such a wonderful range of characters from all sorts of sources, and I think that's really neat to see. And, on top of all that, you're so creative when it comes to your self-inserts and your many amazing OCs!!! You are truly a treasure, friend - even if treasure is what dragons are meant to hoard~

I hope that this was alright!! Sorry that it took me a while to get to; things have been rather hectic here. Still, thank you very much again for sending in the strawberry! ^-^

[vlacas12]

Just a short text I wrote for the following prompt on r/WritingPrompts:

[WP] You hear the thundering of horses, and a cart comes to a stop in front of you. A knight in full armor calls down to you. "Get in, peasant, we're going questing." - u/reallygoodbee

"Where are we going to?", I asked. The knight, a fellow who introduced himself as Sir H. Morgan, only answered: "The land of Moder. A mystical place whose king is said to be the keeper of the Holy Grail." I've heard of it, of course. Every few years a knight would grab some young lads from the farms and take them to search for Moder. I doubted that most of them even expected to find it or come back at all. And a year later a relief party would be sent out in a cursory show of effort to look for them. Most weren't found. The few that managed to come back were either mad from what they've seen or only lived long enough to say a few heroic words and fall gracefully from their horses.

"What's your name?", Morgan asked me, interrupting my thoughts. "It's Clarence, Mylord." He nodded at that and concentrated on the horses again. "So, you're one of us now.", I heard someone say. I looked around in the dark interior of the cart, finding myself face to face with two young tramps like myself. "I am Richie and that's Eiwyn. We've been with Sir Morgan for a year or so now." I introduced myself again. "How is Sir Morgan as a master?", I asked. "He is okay. Not like certain others, who use their retinue as pawns to scout out possible danger or face a Pas d'armes for them."

Eiwyn spat out. "Like my buddy Darren. That bastard Sir Robin ordered him to challenge the tenans of Quinones 'couple of weeks ago. Got a mace o'er his head for the trouble. And then the 'glamorous' Sir Robin just trampled his killer with his warhorse. But he has bards singing tales about him, so the court and all the world think he is a hero."

"What did you have to face already?" Richie thought for a minute or so before answering. "There was that cult of druids four months ago. Wanted to sent us on a impossible quest. Something to do with fish. Sir Morgan had none of that and threatened the bunch of them. Asked them, how they would like it, if he came back with some more of his buddies and burn their forest down. They were suspiciously compliant after that. And there was the old bridge keeper at the gorge of eternal peril or something. He was so ecstatic over someone finally coming his way again after everyone used the scouted paths for the last two or three decades, that he didn't notice the ground ending under his feet. Didn't even get the chance to ask us his questions, the poor sap." He shook his head at the memory. "Well, better get some sleep. No point in wondering if you'll face a dragon or a rabbit come tomorrow. But I bet you one in a million that it'll be the rabbit. They're vicious little things." I really hoped we would get the dragon. But as everyone knows, it's rabbits nine times out of ten.

[jelzorz]

I posted 2,719 times in 2021

302 posts created (11%)

2417 posts reblogged (89%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 8.0 posts.

I added 175 tags in 2021

#rayllum - 80 posts

#in anticipation - 28 posts

#yeah - 15 posts

#i mean - 11 posts

#yeah. - 9 posts

#ezraanya - 7 posts

#fic: in a vision - 7 posts

#i love them - 6 posts

#the dragon prince - 6 posts

#yes - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#only tangentially related but my friend's niece looks u dead in the eye and says 'excuse me im impressionable' if u swear in front of her

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

sometimes you catch yourself wondering "is it me?? am I the problem??? Is anything even wrong or am I making it up???" And that, on its own, should be enough to remind you that it was fucked to begin with

138 notes • Posted 2021-11-01 00:35:14 GMT

#4

Callum comforts Zym by saying "you're safe, I've got you/we're here with you" which is what a lot of positive parenting experts and psychologists recommend you say to comfort children, because it tells them it's okay to be scared, but that they're safe with mum or dad, but anyway what I'm saying is Callum is an excellent father

132 notes • Posted 2021-07-06 22:18:26 GMT

#3

82.

First off, Soren is a pretty good Crownguard. He'd been misguided in the past, and he was kind of mean to Callum about it when King Harrow first made him do it, but he was Callum's first sword fighting teacher, so it's not that weird that it's come to this. It's just weird that, this time, it comes from Callum.

"Can we spar?"

The double take Soren does almost gives him whiplash. It's mid-summer. Callum's birthday is in a week, and Rayla's is in the fortnight after that. The trip home from Xadia was long and sweaty and gross, but it was nice, Soren supposes, because for once he hadn't spent the whole time with crushing insecurity stirring around in his gut. He's Ezran's Captain of the Crownguard. He's Rayla's new sparring partner. He's Callum's good friend. Things are crazy different now, but he looks Callum up and down, skinny, rune-painted arms and all, and thinks: not that different.

Soren presses his lips together. "You want to what?"

"Spar," says Callum. He looks kind of nervous, but eager all the same, and oh, Lady Justice, he's being serious. "Rayla's been teaching me a little and... I dunno. I want to give it another go."

"You'll lose," says Soren stupidly.

Callum nods. "Yeah. But I want the practise. Please?"

"O...kay?" says Soren, in part because he doesn't know how to refuse, and in part because Callum's his prince and from a technical standpoint, he can't. "If you're that eager to get your butt handed to you, I guess?"

Callum's face splits into a grin.

They head down to the bailey, and Soren finds the old wooden swords they used to practise with. He hasn't actually seen Rayla teaching Callum, but Callum holds the practise sword differently now and it looks big and awkward in his hands. He holds his own for, like, a minute--which is definitely an improvement compared to a couple of months ago--he even manages a parry!--but in the end, Callum still loses, and he still ends up on his back, covered in dirt and huffing at the sky.

Soren leans over him, confused. "You good?"

Callum nods. "I think so," he puffs. He sits up with a groan and grimaces at the wooden sword at his feet. "I don't get it. I thought I'd be better."

Soren stares at him. "I mean," he says awkwardly, "you are. You definitely did better than when I used to train you, that's for sure."

Callum snorts a little. "I think she's just a better teacher for me."

"That, or you're paying closer attention." Soren waggles his eyebrows suggestively but even as gross as they are, Callum's cheeks redden with a blush. Soren chuckles and offers him a hand. "If she's already teaching you how to handle a sword, what are you doing asking me?"

Callum flushes some more. "I dunno," he mumbles. "She likes sparring with you."

"Please tell me you're not jealous."

"What? No!" Callum actually laughs, and it's not like Soren's offended, but wow. Rude. "No, it's just... she goes out of her way to show me cool runes, or some of the Draconic she remembers from when she was younger. I guess... I'm just trying to take an interest in what she likes to do too."

"...By getting your butt kicked?"

Callum wrinkles his nose. "By practising so I can impress her."

Gods, they're so sweet, Soren thinks he might have a new cavity just by thinking about it. He sighs good-naturedly and kicks the discarded wooden sword back into his hand. "She doesn't like you for your sword fighting skills, y'know."

"I know," says Callum. "But I still want to get better so it doesn't feel like she's putting all this work in to teach me for nothing. And, I know, it's super not my thing, and there's no way I'm going to get anywhere near the level you and she are at but... it's the effort that counts, right?"

Soren lets out a laugh. "Sure is," he says tossing the practise sword back at Callum.

He still fumbles with it. It still thunks into the dirt, but Callum grabs it and cocks his head. "You don't think it's stupid?"

"Nah," chuckles Soren. "I think it's sweet. I can help a bro out and help you practise if you want. You can just owe me later."

Callum laughs. "Done," he says. He brings his sword up like Rayla does. They go again.

123 notes • Posted 2021-09-25 11:36:37 GMT

#2

Callum, turning up at a coffee shop in Scotland: can I get a mocha with oat milk

Rayla, his confused Scottish barista: but I cannae make a mocha without milk

114 notes • Posted 2021-07-29 08:14:00 GMT

#1

80.

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes there are days when Callum has lessons or meetings or other Prince-y things he's not allowed to bring Rayla to, and Rayla shuts down hard.

Soren kind of gets it. It's weird having an elf around. Callum having a girlfriend is weird, and Rayla turning up at dinner sometimes in Katolan red is weird, and the general vibe of seeing her wandering around the castle on her own is weird—but it's gotta be weirder still for her. Ezran hadn't been particularly specific about it, but Soren thinks she's here to begin with because she can't go home. Some stuff with her family or something and, well, Soren definitely gets that so he doesn't ask.

But the weird goes both ways, he thinks, and that's the point. She's quieter when she's on her own, and part of that is probably because she's a heck of a fish out of water without Callum glued to her side. Soren's seen the other guards watching her with various shades of scrutiny, some worse than others, and as awesome as it must be to live in the castle, she must miss home sometimes, and that's gotta suck one way or another.

Anyway. This is how he finds her one day. Callum's been dragged off to a meeting with an ambassador from Del Bar and they're not so comfortable with the idea of Rayla being in attendance just yet, so she's sitting cross legged on the wall overlooking the bailey. She's got her nose tucked into Callum's scarf, her fingers fidgeting absently with the end, her back hunched like she's trying to make herself smaller than she is, and Soren cocks his head at her and hoists himself onto the wall next to her without waiting to be invited.

He prods her shoulder. "Are you pining?"

Her nose twitches likes she's caught between a scowl and a snort. "You can't pine for someone who's already your boyfriend."

Soren smirks at her. "You look like you're waiting for him to come back from a war." He pitches his voice up and puts on his best impression of her accent. "Oh, Callum, I miss ye' sooo much."

"Moon and Stars," breathes Rayla.

"It's been twenty minutes and I'm so lost without you."

"I will push you off this wall."

"Come back to me soon, my heart can't take it."

"All right, we're done here." Rayla shoves him so hard he wobbles dangerously on the bricks, but Soren still catches the little spark of amusement in her eye and silently congratulates himself for a job well done. "Why're you here anyway? Shouldn't you be in that meeting with them?"

Soren shrugs at her. "Corvus and General Amaya are both in there with them, they don't need me. Besides. You looked sad."

Rayla glances at him sharply from the corner of her eye. "What's that got to do with you, exactly?"

Soren shrugs again. "Nothing, I guess. Just figured you could use a friend."

She doesn't argue. Soren tries not to look too surprised about it, but it's the way that she blinks that gets him: it's hard to miss the tears in her eyes. "It's not him I miss," she mutters.

Soren stares at her. He hadn't thought he'd get this far. He's never been good at feelings-y things and Rayla must be really sad if she's willingly talking about this to him. He coughs. "Oh?"

She snorts. "I miss my family," she whispers. "My mum and dad. Runaan. Ethari. It's—don't worry about. It's stupid."

And maybe Soren hadn't realised how similar they were to begin with, but hearing her admit to it feels like a punch in the gut. He snorts ruefully and pats her shoulder. "Not that stupid," he says quietly. "I miss mine too."

Rayla pauses. She stares. She scoffs. "Guess we're both pining a little then, huh?"

Soren lets out a sad chuckle. "I guess so."

113 notes • Posted 2021-09-04 15:48:45 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[daisylincs]

ur secret santa accidentally got a bit too secret this week as i finished up my finals but now i am free!! throw all ur fav fitzsimmons @ hogwarts headcanons my way, big or small, relevant to the prompt or not, i'd love to hear them! and just for fun (& for me to listen to while i work on ur gift), any song(s) that remind u of our fitzsimmons? cant believe we're this close to the end :)

Oh my gosh, hello, Santa! 💜💜 No worries about the secrecy thing, I've been a touch less active myself here, too, and spending my days being spectacularly lazy 😝 Ah, breaks are the BEST, and I'm so glad you've got one now too!

So, hmmm, Fitzsimmons at Hogwarts headcanons, let me see.

Well, first of all, I think that they're both Ravenclaws, with very little question about that? Fitz could maybe be a Gryffindor, maybe, but ultimately I'd say they're both classic Ravenclaw. They'd also both be those Hermione-esque students who are naturally brilliant at magic, and get all the spells right through a combination of homework (high five, Jemma 🤣) and talent.

I also think that Jemma would be made a prefect pretty much as soon as she was old enough - because, come on, she's literally perfect for it. Responsible but still compassionate, and more than smart enough to keep up with her school duties despite having other responsibilities - yup. Fits the bill perfectly!

Fitz, I think, would be more of a wild card prefect-wise, because he's a little shyer and less natural with people, and also if we have Daisy in the story, he's bound to get into some kind of shenanigans with her 🤣😝

Thirdly, and I don't know how relevant this is at all, lol, I'm literally just spamming you with my Hogwarts-y thoughts and ideas here - but I've always thought that, in pretty much any Hogwarts AU, Coulson would make the most PERFECT Dumbledore, and May the best McGonagall. I mean, just. 😍😍😍😍😍

Ohhh, my gosh, and the last thing I LOVE to headcanon is that Fitzsimmons is That Couple who the entire school ships, and wants to get together - best friends, or maybe enemies (! 👀), but either way very much into each other, and very much mutually oblivious about it.

Hmmmhhhmm, that's all I can think of at 8am this morning, and without a cup of tea, no less 🤣😱🤦‍♀️ But if you'd like any more hcs about this, ask again anytime and I'd love to share them! We still have a few days left 😍😍🤣 And, you know, in general - I'd love to talk to you a bit more once this is all over.

Before I go, though, you asked me for some Fitzsimmons songs - and I'll let you in on a secret here, I absolutely can't listen to anything while trying to write, because my musical brain gets distracted with the harmonies and analysis of the song, or... I just start singing along, lmaoo. Case in point: no writing gets done.

So while I don't have a convenient writing playlist to pick from, after having a bit of a think, I've managed to pull together a list of songs that give me the best FS feels. 🥰

You Were Never Gone from Teen Wolf - this song is, and probably always will be, my number one Fitzsimmons song. Even if the lyrics weren't positively perfectly suited to them (which they are) I also saw an AMAZING Fitzsimmons edit on it once, and that now lives rent-free in my head, along with the stirring and fantastic song itself.

Perfect by Ed Sheeran - this song is probably the most romantic love song I've ever heard, and nothing short of perfect (😝) for any OTP.

Birds by Imagine Dragons - getting angstier here, but this song captures the pain of everything Fitz and Jemma have gone through exquisitely well, and how they still keep hoping they'll find each other again.

Work Song by Hozier - c'mon, you can't have a halfway decent playlist without a Hozier song on it, and this one, especially the part where he sings about how no grave can hold him back from his love, just seems very Fitzsimmons to me.

Please Don't Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin - this is one of those songs that make me think of a very specific time period in FS's history; namely, in season 2, when Fitz had confessed his feelings to Jemma, but she isn't sure how she feels yet, and just doesn't want things to change. Also, Iain de Caestecker is in the music video, and, come on, you don't get much better for FS feels than that! 😝😍

No Light, No Light by Florence + the Machine - another time-specific one, and another SUPER angsty one. To me, there's no song that captures post-Framework Fitzsimmons better, especially the part where she sings about no light in his bright blue eyes. 💔

The Scientist by Coldplay - the last one on my list, and maaaaybe a bit of an obvious choice, lmao, but still one that I think fits them regardless. It's full of heartbreak ("no-one ever said it would be this hard") and also the haunting, sincere wish to "Oh, take me back to the start // I was just guessing at numbers and figures // Pulling the puzzles apart // Questions of science, science and progress // Do not speak as loud as my heart." And I'm just like... damn. Everything about it - lyrics, title, tune - just SCREAMS Fitzsimmons, and I love it.

Right, my dear Secret Santa, I hope you liked this somewhat long and rambly, but hopefully very Fitzsimmons-y and wonderful answer! I, too, cannot believe we're this close to the end (and more than a little pleased to meet a fellow procrastinator writing-wise 🤣✋). With a couple more days to go (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, indeed) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[derireo]

💞💖💕💖 only the best for u mwah!!! + AWW WAIT I WANNA SEE THE DRAGON STUFFIE 🥺 + unfortunately enough minecraft IS my new big interest 😔 this doesnt even remotely mean that im a good player or that i can hear a mob w/out pissing myself but we're getting there!!! also nonono dont apologize for flooding my notifs its always wonderful to see that ur still hanging around! :] i still read some of ur stories and every time it makes me just as happy as when i was in the fandom tbh 💞💞💞 -🎃

OMFG I TOTALLY FORGOT TO REPLY....... I'll add a pic of dragun at the bottom of this post! AND HONESTLY dont even worry about it omfg ive got plenty of friends who've gotten dragged into the minecraft fandom again......if i can guess ur probably watching ppl like sapnap or dream??? just a guess! i dont watch them but my moot does c: also mood omfg i rmbr playing mc once but i was terrified of the creepers 💔 also i've gotten a new interest too;;; i started playing genshin 3 days ago and am already at adventure rank 20 with several charas ascended one lvl..... so ive got that going for me.

AND THANK U OMG ..... ive been writing more for myself lately but im glad u still enjoy the stuff i write..... although u r less interested in a3 now, i'm glad ur having fun w your other interests!!! c:

dragun:

[arc-gx]

thank u @therussiancat​ @noyin​ and of course Logan for tagging me (damn i’ve never been tagged so many times in a post lol) (hey this is only like a few days old ya know)

Name/Nickname: well. Quinn, Leaf, Oak, Aris, Enarchy, and i'm undoubtedly gonna come up with more sooner or later—

Gender: nonbinary but also very confused about like what more specifically

Star Sign: Leo :/

Height: 5′ 9″ ish

Time: 3:02

Birthday: 20 August

Favorite Band/Groups: My Chemical Romance, CAKE, Imagine Dragons

Favorite Solo Artist: Dodie, DAOKO, NF, Stromae, Louie Zong, Insaneintherainmusic, no you can’t make me choose one

Song Stuck in my Head: uhhh it's something we're playing in band blue ridge saga and i really don't know why it's stuck there. also spring and a storm by tally hall

Last Movie: It’s a Wonderful Life

Last Show: Into the Badlands

When Did I Create This Blog: March 1, 2018 (we almost at 3 years damn)

What Do I Post: a fuck ton of reblogs, some art (usually Sanders Sides but I think it’s time to start some new stuff... mcyt??? and other stuff probably too), and of course cryptic shit. oh and music! there’s three musics rn.

The Last Thing I Googled: postlimit.com (to check the year i made the blog lol)

Other Blogs: @art-gx​ (it’s for art whoa), @legless-lizard-love (it’s only there for a joke because someone made a blog to hate on legless lizards and I’m a contrary asshole)

and then that @chef-knight-exogenesis one... the only thing that happens there rn is i make random drafts and leave them for dante to one day find lol

Do I Get Asks: when i reblog ask games yeah. and the occasional random ask

When Did I Choose my URL: technically it started as arcgx7 and then i changed it because it was supposed to have no number idk when i fixed it though

oh wait when like why it's that? uh it was my username on amino and since i was into pokémon and GX cards had just been announced i was just like arceus GX haha arc-gx okay then

Following: 253 blogs

Followers: 286... dang

Average Hours of Sleep: like 5-7 usually

Lucky Number: 7, 17, any number i’d like when it’s convenient for me thanks–

Instruments: flute is the only one I can really play proficiently, but also i can technically play piano, sax, harmonica, guitar, ukulele, drums and stuff, and I’m getting an EWI for christmas soon (they’re out of stock rn :( )

What am I Wearing: grey sweater.

Dream Job: video game composer

Dream Trip: a road trip with friends either to New York or across Europe or Britain. I wanna sing songs driving down a highway in a convertible, okay

Favorite Food: pepperoni pizza... delicious shit

Nationality: a marry kin. from a marry caw. :/

Top 3 Universes I’d Like to Live in: Pokémon, the Owl House, Breath of the Wild

taggities~

@logan-sanders-enthusiast @mallowmocha @that-peach-anon @vann-cat @maddyknight28 @musicalmaniac @solicitous-lyo @wegosplash @moxysanders101 @dantedeletes okay uh 20 is like a lot and like dante tagged the same people damnit why are we cursed with being mutuals with the same people :/ so here's 10. hope i didn't tag people who've already done it.

Thanks for tagging me @depressionwithacapitald !!

Rules: answer 28 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Name/Nickname: Danie

Gender: I’m quite simply a lady

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5’4

Time: 10:41 pm

Birthday: February 2003

Favorite band/groups: that’s a hard one. Glass Animals for now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Favorite solo artist: currently girl in red ,, her singles really b hitting lately

Song stuck in my head - Love Taste by Moe Shop 😔 I’ve had it on repeat all day,,,, kinda obsessed with Shiki’s rap in it hhhgggg

Last movie: Shrek 4

Last show: the Promised Neverland,,, can’t wait for Thursday

When did I create this blog: august of last year hhh

What do I post: sander sides fan art and in rare cases my characters 🧍🏻‍♀️

The last thing I googled: signs a cat is getting closer to you 🥺 her name is Voopoo and she’s very sweet

Other blogs: I made an infinity train side blog but I did nothing with it

Do I get asks: yes!!!! and I’m really bad at answering them

When did I chose my URL: when I was messing around,,, turned out no one else was named deodorant stick so I got kinda lucky on that end.

Following: 163

Followers: bro at LEAST ten

Average hours of sleep: imma say a solid 7 probably

Lucky number: 6

Instruments: piano and that’s it

What am I wearing: pink sweater with cute clouds and some stretchy pants

Dream job: Animation head director, show creator

Dream trip: I have no clue. Ireland ?

Favorite food: homemade tostadas

Nationality: American 😳

Top 3 universes I’d like to live in: Breath of the Wild, Breath of the Wild, and Breath of the Wild

Imma tag uhhhhh

@queer-and-longing @therussiancat @anxious-chaos-art @weareallfandomtrash @microwavedsaladisevil @hteragram-x @briandthemoon @foursideharmony @envarchy @falsemood @introvert-stage @romanapologist

and anyone else who wants to do it ! Hope I’m not bothering y’all by tagging :,D

[markscherz]

Hey! I have a bearded dragon that has been lethargic for the past few days-weeks. We've taken him to a vet who did x-rays and says he has an obstruction but we're having trouble finding out what our next step should be to get our dragon well again. I was also wondering if you could take a look at the x-ray & tell me your take on it. There us an obvious air pocket but other than that I'm not sure what I'm looking at. I appreciate your time and apologize if this is a rude/forward request. Thank u!

Hi Anon, I hope it hasn’t taken too long for me to answer your question. I am not good at answering asks. I’m afraid I am not really able to offer any helpful advice on this front — @theexoticvet would definitely be better. But I guess I can look at xrays if you’d like.

[tevinters-pariah-blog]

(I just have to say, flat out, that Dorian Pavus is just the bestest friend the Dragon Age series has. And this is coming from someone who has genuine love for every single companion, including Oghren who I AM STILL REALLY WORRIED ABOUT WHERE IS HE DID THEY PUT DEMONS IN YOU OGHREN. But Dorian Pavus is the guy who noticed that our job in Inquisition was just the worst and has to check we're okay. I loved him so much.)

//I AGREE WITH U COMPLETELY.

Even when I was a female elf, I just adored his character and wanted to protect him from everything while also just holding him close. He is amazing and wonderful and I could give you a long list of reasons why he is not only a fantastic romance option, but just a friend with characters.

LIKE IF U THINK ABOUT IT...

Quite a few people HATED Dorian in the beginning when he joined due to him being from Tevinter. And instead of telling them how horrible they were for thinking that, he accepted it and moved past it just by behind nice to everyone in his own way.

I just adore him okay.

[mytastessuck]

Ween: The Pod

Ah, the album that nearly killed the band. An underrated part of the band's history, this album was recorded when Dean and Gene came down with a mean (Not Mean Ween, the handsome gentleman on the cover) case of mononucleosis which they self-medicated with huffing, explaining 100% of the songs on this album as well as a few flashbacks on future ones. I've always liked a few songs from this album but it took a couple of listens for it to grow on me. But trust me, when you give this album a chance, you will not only gain a new appreciation for music, you can pretty much listen to anything.

1. Strap on That Jammypac

A great way to introduce the album with the sheer what-the-fuckness of the warbling voice that sets you up for a hell of a lead-in instruments tackling you to the floor and beating the shit out of you in the name of the Boognish. Taste the curb, bitch.

10/10

2. Dr. Rock

One of the more recognizable songs from this album. You can clearly hear the guys having fun with this track to the point that it can be seen as a leftover from The Oneness. A great punk track that can kill vermin with how wild it is.

15/10

3. Frank

I know I'm supposed to be thinking about this Frank guy but this song just makes me hungry. My family wants me to cut back on cheese because that's unhealthy all of a sudden. Combine this with the fact that I can only eat fries if I get take-out and it looks like bad times are ahead for your friend. Now I'm sad.

9/10

4. Sorry Charlie

Geez, this Charlie guy sounds like a real sad sack. I feel pretty bad for hi---girlfriend in high school? Wow, never mind. Hope the diddling was worth surfing from couch to couch, Seth Rogen in Pineapple Express. Dreary...for the girl.

9/10

5. The Stallion (Part 1)

Yes...finally a song that lets people know who they're fucking with. Hint: it's the wrong person. Nicely garbled and violently vulgar, I think I speak for ever single American when I say this song should replace the pledge of allegiance.

50/10

6. Pollo Asado

Ah, the wonders of ordering food. Nice back and forth here, real distant and creepy...great, I'm hungry again. And I want lemonade. IT'S MY MONEY, I CONTROL MY DIET!

8/10

7. Right to the Ways and the Rules of the World

A sad song about how the cosmos truly work. Truly full of despair, can't you hear the instruments and the sorrowful voice? Don't pay attention to the laughter near the end. Pay attention to the incense coming from outside. Seems self-defeating, doesn't it? Just like the universe...

11/10

8. Captain Fantasy

My favorite song from the album and the best one to randomly sing to yourself on the subway when you're blitzed on Long Island Iced Teas from Ease. Awesome sound on this track and no other one can challenge that.

100/10

9. Demon Sweat

Surprisingly chill for the sludgefest of this album. I'm guessing this must have been the most difficult song for them to record considering how slow it sounds. An essential listening for people who need to know how nice Ween can jam.

66/10

10. Molly

What a nice fucked track that makes you think you managed to break the device you're listening to it on. I hope Molly appreciates that this song is better than the entirety of what my neighbors blast as they roll past the apartment window. I'm on the tenth goddamn floor. Turn down your fucking music!

17/10

11. Can U Taste The Waste?

Pretty everything is a waste except this song. So dirty, so brown, so good. Send this song through the sewers to battle dragons and rescue princesses instead of that Italian sell-out.

40/10

12. Don't Sweat It

This dude tells me not to sweat it but it's hard not to when the guitar is this violent is the percussion is this taunting. And here you are talking about tea again! I am going to let my family have it at our next meeting.

10/10

13. Awesome Sound

Look, Awesome Sound, I hate to be the one to tell you this but despite how tight you are, you're not best banger on the album. That's Captain Fantasy. Good effort with the strumming though.

10/10

14. Laura

Another beautifully garbled song about a man killing himself over a chick. Or maybe he's gonna kill other people. Tough to tell. Guys and gals, there's always fish in the sea. And one of the most important fish is you. Don't bump yourself off because one or more don't want to swim in your current.

10/10

15. Boing

A tribal (can I say that? I'm black and it sounds wrong) chant over sound drowned beats creates a nice scene to bong mask yourself to. Something tells me this should be the track you listen to when you stare at the album cover in a dark room for several hours.

9/10

16. Mononucleosis

Finally, we get to the root of the madness. Gene croons about the band getting so sick that they couldn't smoke or drink it away or play with their lovely cat. If that was the case, I would pray Komm, Susser Tod too. A freaky sludgy story that can legally give you a fever, do not mess this tale.

11/10

17. Oh My Dear (I Must Be Falling In Love)

My second favorite song that remains juvenile yet more serious than Ween's previous romantic output. Short, sweet and sounding like something SongDrops would put out if they hired better musicians, seduce your boo at your next sleepover with this.

90/10

18. Sketches of Winkle

And we're back to punk. Fast-paced, hard and loud enough to wake up a man that slept for a hundred years, this song will stick in your head for days on end.

50/10

19. Alone

Aaaaaaaaand back to soft. Very mellow, very chill. You can put this song as the ending to Texhnolyze and nobody would be the wiser because it is that much of a downer. Geez, I hope this is as dark as the band gets, eh?

9/10

20. Moving Away

More mellowness. Let's hope this song is talking about the guys moving out of their hellhole of an apartment. Escape the mold, fellas.

8/10

21. She Fucks Me

A bit slower about a girl that fucks. She fucks Gene, she fucks Dean, she fucks me, she fucks all of us. It's I'm guessing the guys were running out of steam at this point but this song is still pretty cool.

10/10

22. Pork Roll Egg And Cheese

A tune that wouldn't be out of place on Spongebob (wink), Ween sings about their love for a balanced breakfast in this nice ditty. Picks up at the tune of the album at the end and sets us up for a doozy.

10/10

23. The Stallion (Part 2)

Come hither for the album closes out by reminding the listeners of who they shouldn't fuck with, mang. Mr. Ed ain't got nothing on this shit where a man reveals that he runs the show. Nice way to close out an album.

75/10

Album Score: 27.7/10

Next week, we will tackling one Ween's objectively two best albums, Pure Guava. See you there.